If you've ever been curious about the 90s, here's a little piece of preserved misogyny, care of "Elle", November 1995.
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Dear E. Jean: For almost a year I've been involved in a serious relationship with a very wonderful man. The problem? He's married. I'm twenty. He's forty. The age difference is not a factor. Members of his family and mine are aware of what's going on. No one has told his wife. He takes good care of me. He pays my rent, car payment and some others bills every month. I go on business trips with him when I can. He spends all his free time with me. We make love once or twice a week. Both of us want a baby. Our relationship is strong. It's deep. It grows more every day.
But he doesn't know "how to get rid of her," so to speak. She takes care of the paperwork for his three restaurants. Any suggestions or advice on what I should do? It's hard to tell you everything in a short letter, but his relationship with his wife is business- and money-orientated. He married her because he had to, not because he was in love with her. What should I do? -- Mystified in New Mexico}
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My poor, misguided mystified: Don't worry about the shortness of your letter, dear; it's long enough to tell me exactly who is in business. Indeed, had it been only half as long, even the sweetest-tempered ELLE reader would have seen straight through your whorish exterior to your tarty, unprincipled, cold little heart.
So it's my duty to advise you to leave the man and his wife alone, young lady, or I'll fly out there to New Mexico and give you the yucca-stalk flogging the likes of which you'll never forget -- not because I love you, Mystified, but because I have to}
This is one letter from E. Jean Carroll's advice column (yes, that E. Jean Carroll), and I'll be honest, I have no memory of how I got this magazine (I was 13 at the publishing time), but I do remember reading this letter at roughly 14 and being incredibly disturbed by the response.
It's not even advice, it's just a public flogging of a young woman. 😐 (and per the editor's note, seems like the tone of this response was probably an outlier, but fucking yikes nonetheless)
But I do take some comfort in knowing that I sincerely don't think this level of hatred would fly in an advice column today.
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So idk if I'm requesting in the right place. But I would love a twst scenario with a yuu that just says all their intrusive thoughts. Like just out of NOWHERE, as they reach for a water bottle hanging out with the first years they go.
“I robbed a house back home”
Or when Azul tries cornering them with the twins for something they just blankly turn to Floyd going.
“duck off you look like you can't steer a shopping cart”
But feel free to do it with whoever you want and if you don't want to do mine that's perfectly fine and I hope you have a great day :)
certainly!!
summary: reader who speaks all their impulsive thoughts
type of post: headcanons
characters: heartslabyul, octavinelle, scarabia, diasomnia
additional info: platonic or romantic, reader isn't specified to be yuu, reader is gender neutral
author's note: for some reason I had the hardest time thinking up new nonsense, so many of these dialogue lines are from lewis carroll poems, which I have a wonderful nostalgia for. check those out as well!
Ace and Deuce are pretty much used to you saying whatever's at the top of your mind... with no filter
so used to it that it barely even registers with them anymore
whenever it's quiet, they can expect you to come out with some incomprehensible nonsense.
if you didn't, they'd probably ask what's wrong
"I robbed a house back home,"
"Yeah, okay,"
Riddle, on the other hand, gets frustrated alarmingly fast
despite running an entire dorm based on nonsensical rules, he has a low tolerance for outside nonsense
and... well, despite his name, he's not really a fan of riddles
Trey matches your energy immediately
no joke. he doesn't even bat an eye
"I eat plastic,"
"hm. sometimes I eat muffin wrappers,"
honestly, sometimes his tangents get even weirder than yours
Cater probably wasn't listening very closely when you first started going off, or maybe he's just become accustomed to riddles, though the next time you say something he just thinks it's cute
might use your "thoughtful anecdotes" as a caption for his next post
would it be surprising if I were to say Azul is used to randomness?
Floyd has a tendency to say the strangest things out of nowhere, after all, and the sea itself can be a surprising place
he does not, however, appreciate how you keep speaking in tongues when he's trying to have serious business conversations with you
(seriously, how hard can it be to swindle one person?!)
"Please, just talk normally,"
"But the mome raths outgrabe!"
he doesn't know what that means, but it sounds like an insult
...and then will refuse to converse with you again until you're in a "better mood" (in his own words)
Jade, on the other hand, finds you quite fascinating
he keeps a little notepad on him just to jot down the things you say. why? you can't imagine. he just finds it interesting, you suppose
"'Twas brilling..."
"Really? How interesting. Go on,"
Floyd isn't really paying much attention
your funny words amuse him at best and annoy him at worse
if you ever find yourself in a bad place with the octotrio, you can just say something like:
"You look like you can't steer a shopping cart,"
and Floyd will take actual offense to that, and just straight up leave
(much to Azul's dismay)
Kalim adds on right away
and keeps going
and keeps going... and keeps going...
"How doth the little crocodile improve his shining tail..."
"Oh, I know! He pours waters on every shining scale,"
at one point Jamil has to pull you aside and beg you not to encourage him
"No promises!" is your answer
Kalim even buys a parrot to add onto the fun
it becomes a three-person (or two-person-and-a-bird?) act
...even if you're not really doing it on purpose
Jamil is who ends up taking care of the parrot while it squawks your old nonsense thoughts, though
he likes the parrot much better than either of you
Malleus will entertain you based on his own curiosity
none of his other human classmates speak in such odd and puzzling words, so he knows it's a "you" thing
might try to solve them if they sound like riddles
but he mostly just thinks they're cute
"O, oysters, come and walk with us,"
"How interesting... I do wonder where you come up with all this,"
Sebek will listen to you because Malleus does, and Silver has enough nonsense to deal with as it is. will definitely fall asleep while you're talking to him
Lilia responds in like terms
meow at him? he'll meow back
in fact, he'll meow at you every time he sees you until you say something else to capture his curiosity
might go ahead and start speaking to you in tongues before you even say anything
he just thinks you're neat!
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POETRY FOR YOUR MOON SIGN
✰ my masterlist
poems written by someone who has the same moon sign as you <3
☾PISCES☽
Edgar Allen Poe, A Dream Within a Dream
“Take this kiss upon the brow! / And, in parting from you now, / Thus much let me avow – / You are not wrong, who deem / That my days have been a dream; / Yet if hope has flown away / In a night, or in a day, / In a vision, or in none, / Is it therefore the less gone? / All that we see or seem / Is but a dream within a dream.”
June Jordan, You Came with Shells
“You came with shells. And left them: / shells. / They lay beautiful on the table. / Now they lie on my desk / peculiar / extraordinary under 60 watts.”
Toni Morrison, It Comes Unadorned
“it comes / Unadorned / Like a phrase / Strong enough to cast a spell; / It comes / Unbidden, / Like the turn of sun through hills / Or stars in wheels of song. / The jeweled feet of women dance the earth. / Arousing it to spring. / Shoulders broad as a road bend to share the weight of years. / Profiles breach the distance and lean / Toward an ordinary kiss. / Bliss. / it comes naked into the world like a charm.”
☾AQUARIUS☽
W.B Yeats, A Coat
“I made my song a coat / Covered with embroideries / Out of old mythologies / From heel to throat; / But the fools caught it, / Wore it in the world’s eyes / As though they’d wrought it. / Song, let them take it / For there’s more enterprise / In walking naked.”
W.B Yeats, The Lover Tells of the Roses in His Heart
“All things uncomely and broken, all things worn out and old, / The cry of a child by the roadway, the creak of a lumbering cart, / The heavy steps of the ploughman, splashing the wintry mould, / Are wronging your image that blossoms a rose in the deeps of my heart. / The wrong of unshapely things is a wrong too great to be told; I hunger to build them anew and sit on a green knoll apart, / With the earth and the sky and the water, re-made, like a casket of gold / For my dreams of your image that blossoms a rose in the deeps of my heart.”
Louisa May Alcott, The Lay of a Golden Goose
“Oh! Be not rash,” her father said, / A mild Socratic bird; / Her mother begged her not to stray / With many a warning word. / But little goosey was perverse / And eagerly did cry, / “I’ve got a lovely pair of wings, / Of course I Ought to fly.”
☾CAPRICORN☽
John Milton, Sonnet 19
“When I consider how my light is spent, / Ere half my days, in this dark world and wide, / And that one talent which is death to hide / Lodged with me useless, through my soul more bent / To serve therewith my Maker,”
Jala al-Din Rumi, The Guest House
“This being human is a guest house. / Every morning a new arrival. / A joy, a depression, a meanness, / some momentary awareness comes / As an unexpected visitor. / Welcome and entertain them all! / Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows, / who violently sweep your house / empty of its furniture, / still treat each guest honorably. / He may be clearing you out / for some new delight. / The dark thought, the shame, the malice, / meet them at the door laughing, / and invite them in. / Be grateful for whoever comes, because each has been sent / as a guide from beyond.”
Gwendolyn Brooks, a song in the front yard
“I’ve stayed in the front yard all my life. / I want a peek at the back / Where it’s rough and untended and hungry weed / grows. / A girl gets sick of a rose.”
☾SAGITTARIUS☽
Lewis Carroll, A Boat Beneath a Sunny Sky
“In a Wonderland they lie, / Dreaming as the days go by, / Dreaming as the summers die: / Ever drifting down the stream – / Lingering in the golden gleam – / Life, what it is but a dream?”
Dante Alighieri, From “Inferno”
“It’s the pain / of the people down there that empties my / face. / It’s pity / that you’ve mistaken for fear. / And it’s the long way / that pushes us now. / Let’s go.”
Victor Hugo, Tomorrow, At Dawn
“Tomorrow, at dawn, at the hour when the countryside whitens, / I will set out. You see, I know that you wait for me. / I will go by the forest, I will go by the mountain. / I can no longer remain far from you. / I will walk with my eyes fixed on my thoughts, / Seeing nothing of outdoors, hearing no noise / Alone, unknown, my back curved, my hands crossed, / Sorrowed, and the day for me will be as night.”
☾SCORPIO☽
Sarojini Naid, Autumn Song
“Like a joy on the heart of a sorrow, / The sunset hangs on a cloud; / A golden storm of glittering sheaves, / Of fair and frail and fluttering leaves, / The wild wind blows in a cloud. / Hark to a voice that is calling / To my heart in the voice of the wind: / My heart is weary and sad and alone, / For its dreams like the fluttering leaves have gone, / And why should I stay behind?”
Shel Silverstein, Dreadful
“Someone ate the baby. / It’s absolutely clear / Someone ate the baby / ‘Cause the baby isn’t here. / We’ll give away her toys and clothes. / We’ll never have to wipe her nose. / Dad says, “That’s the way it goes.” / Someone ate the baby.”
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, Aftermath
“When the summer fields are mown, / When the birds are fledged and flown, / And the dry leaves strew the path; / With the falling of the snow, / With the cawing of the crow, / Once again the fields we mow / And gather in the aftermath.”
☾LIBRA☽
Maya Angelou, Caged Bird
“A free bird leaps / on the back of the wind / and floats downstream / till the current ends / and dips his wing / in the orange sun rays / and dares to claim the sky.”
Emily Dickinson, Good Morning – Midnight
“Good Morning – Midnight – / I’m coming Home – / Day – got tired of Me – / How could I – of Him? / Sunshine was a sweet place – / I liked to stay – / But Morn – didn’t want me – now – / So – Goodnight – Day!”
Elizabeth Barrett Browning, My Heart and I
“You see we’re tired, my heart and I. / We dealt with books, we trusted men, / And in our own blood drenched the pen, / As is such colours could not fly. / We walked too straight for fortune’s end, / We loved too true to keep a friend ; / At last we’re tired, my heart and I.”
☾VIRGO☽
Robert Hayden, Those Winter Sundays
“Sundays too my father got up early / and put his clothes on in the blueback cold, / then with cracked hands that ached / from labor in the weekday weather made / banked fires blaze. No one ever thanked him. / I’d wake and hear the cold splintering, breaking / When the rooms were warm, he’d call, / and slowly I would rise and dress, / fearing the chronic angers of that house, / Speaking indifferently to him , / who had driven out the cold / and polished my good shoes well. / What did I know, what did I know / of love's austere and lonely offices?”
Jack Kerouac, How to Meditate
“Thinking’s just like not thinking- / So I don't have to think / any / more”
William Faulkner, Study
“Muted dreams for them / for me / Bitter science. Exams are near / And my thoughts uncontrollably / Wander, and I cannot hear / The voice telling me that work I must, / For everything will be the same when I’m dead / A thousand years. I wish I were a bust / All head.”
☾LEO☽
Walt Whitman, I sing the Body Electric
“I sing the body electric, / The armies of those I love engirth me and I engirth them,”
Oscar Wilde, The Ballad of Reading Gaol
“Yet each man kills the thing he loves, / By each let this be heard, / Some do it with a bitter look, / Some with a flattering word, / The coward does it with a kiss, / The brave men with a sword!”
Ralph Waldo Emerson, Friendship
“A ruddy drop of manly blood / The surging sea outweighs, / The world uncertain comes and goes; / The lover rooted stays. / I fancied he was fled, – / And, after many a year, / Glowed unexhausted kindliness, / Like daily sunrise there. / My careful heart was free again, / O friend, my bosom said, / Through thee alone the sky is arched, / Through thee the rose is red; / All things through thee take nobler form, / And look beyond the earth, / The mill-round of our fate appears / A sun-path in thy worth. / Me too thy nobleness had taught / To master my despair; / The fountains of my hidden life / Are through thy friendship fair.”
☾CANCER☽
Shakespear, Sonnet 147
“My love is as a fever, longing still / For that which longer nurseth the disease, / Feeding on that which doth preserve the ill,”
Robert Frost, Acquainted with the Night
“I have been one acquainted with the night. / I have walked out in rain – and back in rain. / I have outwalked the furthest city light. / I have looked down the saddest city lane. / I have passed by the watchman on his beat / And dropped my eyes, unwilling to explain. / I have stood still and stopped the sound of feet / When far away an interrupted cry / Came over houses from another street, / But not to call me back or say good-bye; / And further still at an unearthly height, / One luminary clock against the sky / Proclaimed the time was neither wrong nor right. / I have been one acquainted with the night.”
William Blake, Auguries of innocence
“To see a World in a Grain of Sand / And a Heaven in a wild flower / Hold Infinity in the palm of your hand / And eternity in an hour”
☾GEMINI☽
Rudyard Kipling, Blue Roses
“Half the world I wandered through, / Seeking where such flowers grew. / Half the world unto my quest / Answered me with laugh and jest. / Home I came at wintertide, / But my silly love had died / Seeking with her latest breath / Roses from the arms of Death.”
John Keats, To Sleep
“Save me from curious Conscience, that still lords / Its strength for darkness, burrowing like a mole; / Turn the key deftly into the oiled wards, / And seal the hushed Casket of my soul.”
Lord Tennyson, The Eagle
“He clasps the crag with crooked hands; Close to the sun in lonely lands, / Ring’d with the azure world, he stands. / The wrinkled sea beneath him crawls; / He watches from his mountain walls, / And like thunderbolt he falls.”
☾TAURUS☽
John Donne, Air and Angels
“Twice or thrice had I lov’d thee, / Before I knew thy face or name; / So in a voice, so in a shapeless flame / Angels affects us oft, and worshipp’d be;”
Audre Lorde, Recreation
“my body / writes into your flesh / the poem / you make of me. / Touching you I catch midnight / as moon fires set in my throat / I love you flesh into blossom / I made you / and take you made / into me.”
Margaret Walker, Lineage
“My grandmothers were strong. / They followed plows and bent to toil. / They moved through fields sowing seed. / They touched earth and grain grew. / They were full of sturdiness and singing. / My grandmothers were strong. / My grandmothers are full of memories / Smelling of soap and onions and wet clay / With veins rolling roughly over quick hands / They have many clean words to say. / My grandmothers were strong. / Why am I not as they?”
☾ARIES☽
E.E Cummings, Love is more thicker than forget
“love is more thicker than forget / more thinner than recall / more seldom than a wave is wet / more frequent than to fail”
Mark Twain, Genius
“But above all things, / to deftly throw the incoherent ravings of insanity into verse / and then rush off and get booming drunk, / is the surest of all the different signs / of genius.”
Paul Laurence Dunbar, Ships that Pass in the Night
“Out in the sky the great dark clouds are massing; / I look far out into the pregnant night, / Where I can hear a solemn booming gun / And I catch the gleaming of a random light, / That tells me that the ship I seek is passing, passing.”
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