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gabriellerudessa · 29 days ago

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Hourglass (Thaddeus x OC) - Part XXV

"A faint static sound started. That was something, it hadn’t been doing even that the last time Moth had heard it.

Slowly, the man twisted the station knob, the static changing, changing…. And low music started, first still a bit filled with static, but the sound cleared as the knob twisted. Moth immediately recognized the fiddles that DJ Carl love so much.

There was that big annoying smile in Thaddeus face, the twins high-fiving each other, Lily’s eyes glimmering towards the radio. Moth, however, felt only a faint cold down his guts as Thaddeus twisted the volume knob, the machine holding as the music got higher first and then lower as Thaddeus twisted to the other side."

PLAYLIST ON YOUTUBE

Word Count: 5.474

Warnings: None, I think

XXV

That morning had been one of the most tiring he had had since arriving in the ranch.

First, Thaddeus hadn’t slept as well as he could because he had woken up in the middle of the night to Goose’s voice, muttering “fuck” and that sweet smell stronger than ever, his friend below the belt immediately showing its interested. He barely noticed her shadow in the dark bedroom pulling herself up into her bunk bed before the managed to turn in bed and readjust himself and fall back asleep, but it had been fitful and full of wet dreams, so by the time he woke up and helped with breakfast, he was already feeling a bit under the weather.

Then the morning had all been about shooting practice first, then about hand-to-hand fighting. It didn’t help that Sarah had been the one to coordinate both and she had been way meaner than Moose in the hand-to-hand, teaching him and Moth how to get out of headlocks and some other attacks – done by her on them.

By the time Goose’s voice echoed from inside, saying that lunch was ready, he felt ready to fall into bed again.

Catarina was serving herself when he finally entered the house, groaning and massaging his shoulder and wishing ghoulification helped more with that.

“What there’s to do?” He stopped close to her as he waited Moth and Sarah wash their own hands in the sink. Unsurprisingly, Goose had said him and Moth were to work in repair and maintenance that day alongside Catarina.

Catarina hummed and grinned.

“Nothing. Managed to check everything with the twins help while Sarah was torturing you both.”

“You’re kidding. There’s always something to fix or check or make preventive maintenance.”

“Not this afternoon.” She shrugged and stepped away from the table. “Use it to work on the radio or help with the chores, I don’t know. Just because there’s nothing in repair and maintenance doesn’t mean there’s actually nothing to do.”

Catarina stepped away and he let out a low hum, not mentioning that the radio still needed two pieces. That Hugh had.

Just the memory made his neck heat in embarrassment. Why the fuck Hugh was so petty? The worse was that, since it was his own fault, and the radio clearly wasn’t a necessity like a water filter, Thaddeus didn’t have courage to ask anyone to try to negotiate before the caravan left. Hopefully he would find those with the next caravan, at a more acceptable price that he himself could afford with own caps and maybe a stealth-boy in a pinch – it didn’t look as if he had a reason to use it, after all.

Still, he could make sure what he had done was as well done as possible and start working on his own. And if he finished early enough, he could see on what he could help around.

---------

Auntie Catarina had warned him during lunch that she wouldn’t need his help in the afternoon, so as lunch wrapped up and cleaning up started, Moth decided to clean and make basic maintenance of his hunting rifle; at least Uncle Mika was out, so he wouldn’t receive any scolding for it… As long as it was still working well enough when his uncle was back that Uncle Mika would think it was just natural wear and not Moth messing up.

He did feel tempted to instead go towards the singles’ bedroom and see what else of Thaddeus he could hide, but Thaddeus had looked in such a way at him the previous day when finding the sock that maybe, just maybe, Moth should give it a few days before his next one. Just in case Thaddeus was actually onto him.

Moth stepped inside the kids’ bedroom and moved towards the hook with his hunting rifle, a stained dark-blue cloth wrapped around the barrel, wood and metal scratched and marked by use. The twins hunting rifles were on the hooks beside it, still looking as pristine as anything could look in the wasteland.

There were the sound of footsteps and he turned just as he took hold of the gun, Lily and the twins appearing at the doorway – and closing it behind them.

“Hi, Moth.” The three said, the twins in unison and Lily a moment later.

Evie promptly dived under their bunk bed while Josh stared at him and Lily caught the monstrosity of a book Natasha had gifted her and a pencil, looking expectantly at the twins, and Moth winced. For all he loved his mom’s botanical journal, he really didn’t understand how some people enjoyed reading books as big as that one.

Before he could ask what they were up to, Evie appeared, dust bunnies on her hair and staining her cheeks and hands. And two pieces in her hands, technological or mechanical, he couldn’t say.

“What’s that?”

The two blinked at him, Josh helping clean Evie’s hair from the dust.

“Hugh wasn’t using.” They answered in unison, as expected.

Moth frowned and opened his mouth to scold them for clearly stealing from Hugh… And promptly closed it again. He had seen even more than the twins and Lily how much of a creepy Hugh had been, how uncomfortable he made Auntie Marigold, with being the oldest of the four.

Alright. From Hugh he could let it go.

His cousins moved towards the door and he followed, gun in hand.

“All right, but for what are you gonna use it?” He asked behind them, receiving no answer. Still, he followed the twins and Lily down the corridor and towards the main storage room.

Thaddeus was already there, sitting at the workbench with their radio, a second radio to the side, smaller and rusted golden.

Oh, the pieces for the radio. He barely noticed himself scowling at it.

“Hey, Thad!”

The man half turned and his cousins extended the pieces towards him. Thaddeus blinked, mouth opening and closing and opening again.

Moth moved towards one of the free workbenches, hunting rifle above it and sitting on the stool with his back to it, watching it all, still feeling his face scowling. Lily pulled a stool and sat beside Moth, the book open in her lap.

“How did you-?”

“Hugh makes Auntie Marigold uncomfortable.” Josh started.

“And he told you a bullshit price.” Evie finished.

“What?” Thaddeus still said, and the twins literally pushed the pieces towards him.

Moth sighed and rolled his eyes.

“They stole the pieces. Because they don’t like Hugh.” Evie and Josh scowled and showed their tongues at him. Moth answered in kind.

“Uh… Kiddos, that… You really shouldn’t.” Thaddeus said, even while carefully holding the pieces and analyzing them.

Clearly not about to deny the opportunity of finishing fixing the radio.

The radio his mom had been missing, because without it she couldn’t have an uninterrupted and without nightmares sleep. Did Thaddeus even know? Moth hoped not, it was already enough as it was. Besides, he doubted that even with those pieces Thaddeus would get it working. The radio was way too old, existed since the start of the ranch, probably pre-war, as far as Moth knew. How two new pieces would get it working again?

“We gave up trying to make them stop.” Moth made sure to tell before finally turning to work with his gun, grinning at how the twins screamed “MOTH!”

Movements practiced, he started dismantling his hunting rifle, the voices of Thaddeus and the twins circling him, talking about the radio and how the pieces were supposed to fit in it. Apparently it involved disconnecting some other pieces, and while Moth was curious and felt tempted to look over his shoulder, he resolutely kept his eyes on his work.

“What’s this other radio?” Evie’s voice, and Moth remembered the smaller radio at the workbench.

“Oh, it’s mine.”

“Is it working?” Josh’s voice, amidst the soft sound of metal against metal.

“Nah. Need to fix a bunch of pieces and I think I’ll need some new ones.”

“Aw fuck. Why you didn’t tell us earlier?” That phrase in unison made Moth look over his shoulder, immediately scowling at how the twins were each on one side of Thaddeus, leaning on the workbench and watching attentively his work.

Why the fuck the two liked so much to do that? Sure, Moth did it too, but only because, well, because he had to. And sure, Thaddeus knew what he was doing, and it was a biiit interesting to hear him explaining things… When he just didn’t start rambling endlessly and uncontrollably.

And he still looked at his mom.

… In retrospect, at that moment Moth had to admit that he disliked what the man did more on principle. Fuck.

“Because I still need to properly examine it, kiddos.” Thaddeus answered with a hum, and Moth saw how he carefully disconnected and extricated some of the pieces inside the radio.

Moth snapped his head back to his hunting rifle. Focus on that.

---------

Moth noticed the hours dragging on as he cleaned each piece of his gun, Thaddeus working mostly on the radio and answering anything the twins asked. Occasionally Lily would get up and show something on the book to those three, her words seeming pure gibberish as she asked something about terminal’s hardware, Evie, Josh and Thaddeus’ explanation equal gibberish to Moth.

How the four of them all understood that type of thing? Fuck.

And why were they so slow? It was getting boring, faking that he still hadn’t finished cleaning everything.

Huffing, Moth gave up and assembled back his hunting rifle. He had just finished it when Thaddeus’ voice hummed behind him

“I think it’s ready.”

Finally.

Moth looked above his shoulder, in time to see the man carefully closing and screwing the radio’s back panel back in place.

“We’ll test it?”

“Of course.” A pause, Thaddeus looking over with frowned eyebrows. “Is there a socket here?”

Moth got up with a sight, moving towards Uncle Mika workbench.

“Yeah, back here.” He pushed a bit the workbench, enough to show the wall socket that was usually reserved for a driller. “Lily, close the door?” He really doubted it would work, but better test it and take that out of the way.

And in the big off chance it did work…

Thaddeus carried the radio and landed it in the wood with care, kneeling down to plug it in the socket. The twins and Lily crowded around the workbench, and Moth wanted to leave, not show how interested in the result he was, but the fucking curiosity was bigger than his pettiness.

“Well… Let’s go.” Thaddeus mumbled and pressed the ‘on’ button.

A faint static sound started. That was something, it hadn’t been doing even that the last time Moth had heard it.

Another twist of the station knob, soon a new station found, soft melody and soft vocals. His mom’s favorite.

At that exact moment, Moth felt half a mind to grab the thing and break it again, because it was Thaddeus that had fixed it, and he could only remember Grandpa’s words, about his mom maybe discovering she liked Thaddeus’ looking at her. There was absolutely no way that wouldn’t approximate them.

Dry-swallowing, he looked away and blinked, ignoring the soft music.

That was a messed up instinct.

Music was practically a necessity for his mom to properly sleep and rest. Break the radio just so his mom and Thaddeus wouldn’t get closer? What the fuck was his problem? He preferred her sleeping well. He could… He hoped he could… Deal with whatever else.

---------

Thaddeus smiled at the functioning radio, letting it go on for a few more minutes before turning it off and disconnecting the plug.

“So, where does it usually stay?” He heaved it on, looking at the kids – why was Moth looking away as if he was ready to throw up?

“In the living-dining room.” Evie started.

“But let’s take it there during dinner.” Josh finished.

“A surprise?” he grinned and the twins and Lily nodded. “All right, that can be done.” He let the radio down at the workbench he had been working on.

“Cool.” Moth, voice dry, moving towards the door with his hunting rifle.

The four of them watched Moth disappear, and he looked down at the kids, in time to see the twins whisper between themselves; eventually Evie moved towards the shelves and Josh left.

“What?” He looked at Lily and she shrugged.

“Hell if I know.” The words in her childish voice made him laugh. “Are you working on your own radio now, Thad?”

“Good idea, kiddo.”

Thaddeus sat down once again, and Lily pulled her stool closer, book and pencil in hands. He didn’t wasted time in opening his radio and carefully spread the pieces, analyzing them one by one – maybe he would be lucky and it all wouldn’t look as bad as his first look.

“I can’t believe I’ll need a new circuit board…” He mumbled, finally concluding that yes, it was as bad as it had been at first.

“Let me see.” Lily extended her hand, face scrunched in determination, and Thaddeus carefully handed it. Her small hands carefully twisted and went over it, fingertips not touching the tracks in the board. A big smile appeared on her face. “I can fix the breakage and the tracks. Maybe there’ll be something else, but this I can fix.”

“You can?” back in the Base, any circuit board with that type of damage would just be scrapped for parts.

Lily nodded resolutely.

“Auntie Catarina taught me. It’s how we have spare circuit boards of all types for all our terminals. The hunters pay attention for broken terminals and scrap the parts and we repair them.”

“Smart.” He grinned at Lily and pushed slightly against her shoulder. “Well, be my guest. Do on your time.” She giggled, nodded and put the board carefully aside in the workbench.

Thaddeus looked back to the other pieces, determined to start working on what he could. He had just gotten a box filled with wires from under the workbench to select substitutes for the faulty ones when Evie appeared, a thin old brush and two small plastic pots in hands, looking not at him but away. Curiosity got the best of him and he followed her eyes, expectantly at the door. Waiting Josh?

And there he came, determinedly dragging Moth with him, the teen’s cheeks faintly pink.

“Whaaat?” He groaned, looking directly at Thaddeus.

“Don’t look at me, it’s them.” He shrugged and nodded at the twins.

“The radio.”

“Deserves a painting.”

The twins explained and Moth blinked at the two. Lily, however, immediately got up, book closed on the stool and stopped beside Evie.

“A painting?”

“It’s a Bear radio. It needs a Bear.” The two rolled their eyes, saying in unison with such a voice that as if saying that Moth was being stupid.

Thaddeus looked over the radio. If the kids wanted to paint it…

He turned it, finding a space in the side of it, empty of any pieces, screws or markings of the radio itself.

“And why the fuck you dragged me here?” Moth complained, despite accepting Josh pulling him further inside.

“You’re a Bear, ain’t you?” Again in unison, and that made Moth pout and roll his eyes.

“Fiiiiine.”

Thaddeus grinned, moving a little his stool and things to the side. From the corners of his eyes, he watched as the four kids crowded around the radio, taking turns with the brush and paints – black and white. Lily and the twins didn’t hide their excitement at the action, but Moth, well… Every time his cousins were looking at him he pouted and scowled, but Thaddeus caught some faint smiles when not being watched.

Teenager indeed. Determined to look as if above that. Thaddeus had half a mind to call him out on that bullshit, but he was certain that wouldn’t end well for him, so he just kept grinning and focused on his radio.

---------

“Dinner’s ready!” Goose made sure to call once again into the corridor. Regina and Sarah were still sleeping, and the kids and Thaddeus had spent the whole afternoon in the main storage room, so she just wanted to make sure they’d heard it.

There was no answer, but usually people did appear, if not by that, because of hunger and the smell of food. If any of them took too long to appear she would send Catarina to get them – some good dragging by their hair would teach them.

As she served her own plate of food, she couldn’t help but admit that she felt relief at the fact that Thaddeus had spent the afternoon basically hidden where she had no good excuse to go and steal a look. After the last day – and night –, her brain and body couldn’t help but insist for her to do it, to watch him any moment she could, see if he was watching her – she had caught him doing it again –, watch him shooting with the glasses on, watch him practicing hand-to-hand…

Goose had managed to keep herself in check by focusing totally on helping first with lunch and then with dinner. It helped that Ed and Catarina both did the other simple chores that took one through the house and ranch – watering the garden, cleaning the latrine, mixing the waste with sand to dry and become fertilizer, sweeping the house… All things that, if Goose got involved, she would using to try and spy on Thaddeus.

She sat at the chair Ma usually did and started eating, watching as the others appeared and served themselves. Sarah and Regina didn’t take long to appear, thankfully.

“I’ll take the night watch, Goose.” Sarah warned in the path to the kitchen table, poking slightly her shoulder.

“Aw, c’mon, Sarah. I’m all awake now.” Regina whined.

“It has been some time I did night watch.” Sarah only shrugged and Regina pouted.

“You can always use these extra hours to verify the inventory.” Goose suggested with a grin and Regina groaned.

“Don’t you dare, I finally have it right and Regina is terrible with numbers!” Willow immediately disagreed with a heavy scowl.

“Regina should organize the tools in the basement.” Andrea suggested as she traversed the arched doorway to the corridor, clearly hearing the conversation from far away.

Ed snorted an aborted laugh.

“For what? Let Catarina there five minutes and the organization is gone.” He barely avoided an elbow to the guts from Catarina – she was grinning as she did it.

“You’re all horrible people.” Regina announced dramatically while dropping food into a bowl.

She said something else about what she probably would do, but Goose just shook her head with a smile, focusing on eating. Soon enough Stacy appeared, a confused look at the throwing of laughed accusations and suggestions to Regina, and Goose concluded that only Thaddeus and the kids were still to arrive.

Including Moth.

What the fuck were all of them up to in the main storage room still?

She was considering leaving her plate and to go check on the group when Regina screamed a “finally!”

Looking towards the doorway, she saw first Lily, smiling and dragging a scowling, pink-tinged cheeks Moth. Then the twins, side by side, steps resolute. And lastly Thaddeus, blushing – with the exception of most of his right cheek, a part of it covered almost to the jaw in ghoulification scars – and beaming smile.

And carrying the radio.

Wings Take Her.

Goose blinked and dry-swallowed, unable to stop herself from twisting in her chair to watch every moment: Thaddeus followed the twins towards the old desk in the back of the living-dining room, the one filled with weird decorative objects from past generations and even a single photo from the ranch’s founders, when functioning cameras were still easy to find. Moth and Lily freed the corner that until months ago the radio had occupied, and even pushed the desk a bit to reveal the wall socket. Thaddeus carefully put the radio in place and the twins plugged it in.

Thaddeus pressed the “on” button and twisted the volume knob.

The music that spread around them was jaunty and lively, the sound clear, the clearer it had ever been. Marigold’s favorite station. Not Goose’s favorite type of music, but it was music again, after months of only their own voices. As the melody and rhythm sunk in her ears, muscles Goose hadn’t noticed were tense started unclenching in her back and shoulders and arms.

Thaddeus stepped away from the radio, he and the kids lined up and smiling – even Moth. It allowed her to see a small childish painting to one side in the metal: a bear head, angry eyebrows, mouth roaring with teeth out, two paws with claws out, all in black and white. Each thing looked different from the other, but it still looked cute, something made in conjunct with others, something Bear, and her eyes burned with tears.

Clapping and hollering started all around, the pink in Thaddeus’ cheeks intensifying, the smile becoming that beaming one, dimples visible, and she barely noticed herself sighing.

“You really got so much better at this type of thing, Thad!” Willow ambled forward, her gait still fast but belly already big enough that she needed to lean her torso back, and pulled Thaddeus into a side hug to pinch his cheek.

“Willow-Tree!” Thaddeus groaned, not denying the hug but pulling her hand away from his cheek. She just giggled.

“Cutie pie really has talented hands!” Regina cackled somewhere and Goose felt a light kick at her shins.

Regina’s implication sunk into her brain and Goose felt her cheeks warming. Regina, what the fuck is your problem?

“It wasn’t all me.” Thaddeus started as Willow let go of him and moved to sit again with a sigh, hand supporting her lower back. A hand scratched at his nape, eyes not anywhere specific. “The kiddos helped too, and a lot.” A general nod towards the kids.

Do something, Goose.

Everyone was still clapping and hollering, indistinct words about how it was good to have a radio and music once again, asking about how he had fixed it, who had had the idea about the painting, something else she didn’t hear. She was the only one still silent, despite the fact that she was the one that would most benefit from it.

---------

Moth wanted all that talk about the radio to end, just so he could go eat. He knew that if he just left to get food, the family would tease him about being unable to deal with the attention.

Auntie Catarina was asking Thaddeus what exactly he had fixed and he was answering it very enthusiastically. Auntie Stacy drilled her children about how many pieces they had stolen, all with a smile, and Uncle Ed immediately laughed and congratulated them on getting it from Hugh. And Lily enthusiastically interrupted Thaddeus occasionally to talk how she “had loved learning about that”.

Well… As it became clear that his mom was still silent, just looking, he got a little worried. Wasn’t she happy at that?

Moth let out a small relieved sigh when she got up and moved towards them, a soft smile appearing in her face.

“I’m happy you learned a lot.” Goose pulled Lily up on her arms, kissing her forehead and cheeks in an exaggerated way, earning her a giggle. The twins didn’t expect her to approach, just straightened with beaming smiles while offering their cheeks. “You two little rascals shouldn’t win one…” Goose grinned and chuckled, letting Lily down.

Evie and Josh just straightened more and Moth rolled his eyes with a faint smile.

“Please?” The two said in unison, voices not even a bit sorry.

“What do you think, Stacy?”

Stacy hummed in fake consideration.

“Well… It was from Hugh, so yeah.” Stacy sing-sang and Goose chuckled, leaning down and pecking their cheeks

Then his mom was in front of him, pulling his face down.

“Moooom…” He fake whined at the attention, cheeks warm, but didn’t try and avoid the pecks to both his cheeks.

“Shush, you.” She smiled and kissed again his cheek, as exaggerated as it had been with Lily, and he rolled his eyes, smiling himself.

As she let go of him, it dawned on him what the fuck she would do to thank Thaddeus, the one that did most of the work?

He watched Goose stop close to Thaddeus, the man still explaining to Catarina what he had done, apparently oblivious to Goose standing close – a miracle, he considered. His mom watched a bit, smile smaller, and why the fuck it seemed her cheeks gained a bit of color?

She couldn’t kiss his cheek, absolutely not, a handshake would be enough-

Then she leaned up on her tiptoes, a hand stabilizing on his arm, and pecked Thaddeus’ cheek.

“Thanks for fixing the radio.” She spoke, immediately retreating, leaving a dumbstruck silent Thaddeus in place, his face so red that everyone hollered anew.

Moth immediately scowled and crossed his arms, looking away, ignoring how Thaddeus immediately looked away and seemed to move by pure instinct towards the food table, not even finishing whatever he had been saying. His mom just briefly adjusted the station in the radio to her favorite one, and then she sat down and went back to eating, cheeks still slightly pink.

His brain threw at him how Grandpa had said that maybe his mom would discover she liked Thaddeus watching her, and Moth winced. That couldn’t be it. He refused to think so. She was just… Thanking him. Because now she would be able to sleep properly. Sure, a cheek kiss was too fucking much, but, uh, maybe his mom was just… Fuck, he didn’t know.

Fuck.

Forget giving it a few days, he would be back on misplacing things the following one.

---------

Thaddeus wasn’t sure how long he was just lying in his bed, watching the faint silhouette of the bunk bed above him, but he knew it should be at least one hour and he still couldn’t fall asleep. Instead there was only his brain, remembering and reviving endlessly the moment he had just been there, explaining to Catarina how he had fixed the radio, the pieces he had needed to practically redo and the two he had needed new ones, and then Goose was there, a hand softly on his arm and a peck on his cheek.

That everyone had seen.

He had frozen the moment it happened, words dying away, barely hearing the rest of the family hollering and teasing him.

The rest of dinner had gone for him in an almost dream-like state, barely interacting and faintly noticing Goose mostly just… Humming alongside the music, so relaxed he almost couldn’t believe.

Thaddeus only managed to get out of his head when he heard the door opening, looking to see a tall silhouette in the open doorway, against the spotty corridor lights. Tall enough to be Regina, getting inside and closing the door, a faint hum as he heard her moving around.

He was pretty sure he had heard something about Regina having slept most of the day to recover from the night watch the previous day and deciding to clean and organize the food storage. If she had already finished and was back to sleep, then it definitely had been longer than he imagined of him lying down like that.

Paying more attention, Thaddeus noticed he couldn’t hear Goose’s fitful sleep, full of the metal from her bunk bed groaning as she shifted and twisted in it. There was a brief metal creaking, probably Regina lying down, and then nothing else.

Was everything okay with Goose? Had she been in the bedroom at some moment and he just didn’t notice her leaving?

Or… Maybe, like on the night he had jerked off, she was organizing her examining room. It was clearly way too late into the night for her to be at it, but maybe she wasn’t sleepy. Or maybe she needed help.

He fought with himself for a few more minutes, if he should leave and check or just try to sleep.

Groaning lowly and cursing at himself, Thaddeus threw his legs to the side and got up carefully, pulling his boots on. Fine, he would check. Just in case she needed help with something.

Making sure to not be too loud, he stepped outside the bedroom, closing the door as silently as possible.

Immediately he noticed that the lights in the living-dining room were on, spilling into the corridor, and there was the faint sound of soft music reaching him. Mostly instruments, voice faint, softer and calmer than DJ Carl’s fiddle. He was pretty sure it was the same style Goose had put on during dinner. Fidgeting, he threw a further look down the corridor, not seeing any light under the door to the examining room.

Then maybe she was just… Drinking some tea?

… He wouldn’t be opposed to talking with Goose while drinking tea. He had enjoyed it, the last time they had done it. Before Moth appeared and made him feel weird.

Breathing deeply, he moved towards the arched doorway, the music getting slightly louder. The radio definitely was on.

He spied inside the living-dining room carefully, his angle allowing him to see the desk with the radio against the wall to the left and the two chairs and two sofas to the right, smack in the middle of the room, and stepped in, enough to properly see the kitchen beyond the sofas. No Goose, the wood stove with its fire diminished, tables clear, lights off on that side.

Uh… Maybe Regina had just forgotten the radio and lights on? Still, where was Goose? The lab, maybe? Fuck, why at such hour?

He stepped forward, closer to the radio, intending to turn it off. Something at his peripheral sight captured his attention and his head turned even as he kept walking.

And then he froze in place, blinking at the form of Goose lying down along one sofa.

On her side, a pillow under her head, arm under the pillow, no covers. Hair loose, the white-blond strands spread over the pillow and her shoulder, and even a few over her face. Deeply asleep, it became obvious with how her breasts expanded and deflated with her deep breaths, stretching for just a moment the off-white t-shirt she had on – was it a bit tighter on her than he was used seeing? Body practically immobile, just the occasional stirring of members and some faint frowning of eyebrows.

It was almost like that time she had slept on Moth’s legs during the rain. She seemed so… Peaceful. Relaxed. The most she had ever seemed. No carefully plain facial expression, no carefully thought about smile… Just Goose, relaxed, peaceful, the most beautiful he had seen her.

He dry-swallowed, barely noticing how he stepped closer. A hand rose slowly, itching to touch, moving, and he saw it reaching for the strand of hair across her face before he felt it, the dry texture shocking him when he had already carefully pushed the hair away and towards her shoulder, finally processing the briefest faintest graze of his fingertips on her cheek – so soft.

Thaddeus froze and then clambered away as he noticed her frowning slightly, heart hammering inside his chest, until his back hit the wall.

What the fuck was his problem?

He was a creep. No other word for him.

Goose was asleep, had been a slave, had literally warned him that first night he spent in the ranch to not touch her asleep – touch me while I’m asleep and I’ll cut off both of your hands –, and he went and did exactly that? No matter if he tried to justify to himself it was innocent, that it was just her hair, that he wasn’t going to do anything, it was still fucked up.

A creep, a pervert, how dare him dream and fantasize about her?

Stumbling on his own feet, Thaddeus twisted in place and practically ran away.

#fallout #squire thaddeus #thaddeus fallout #thaddeus fallout x oc #squire thaddeus x oc #fallout series #fallout prime

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fabiansteinhauer · 1 month ago

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Law without Lawyers

Wieviel Roben da wieder sterben mussten! (Michael Reinold)

Nächste Woche, am 8. und am 9. Mai, werden Laurent de Sutter und Joao Freitas Mendes an der VUB in Brüssel einen Workshop über Law without Lawyers veranstalten. Ich werde dort das Projekt über Warburgs Staatstafeln vorstellen. Auf diesen Tafel taucht ein Anwalt mit seinem Bruder auf. Warburg nimmt Bilder der beiden Pacellis auf die Tafel. Den Anwalt Francesco Pacelli sieht man auf Tafel 78 wiederholt.

Auf Tafel 79 sieht man seinen Bruder Eugenio, das ist der spätere Papst Pius XII. Den lädt Aby Warburg aus Anlass dessen Besuches in Hamburg in die Kulturwissenschaftliche Bibliothek Warburg ein, um ihm die Staatstafeln vorzuführen. Zu dem Besuch kommt es nicht, aber: nice try, Aby, selbstverständlich!

Warburg suchte das Gespräch. Er wird 1896 im Verlaufe eines Gespräches mit Sally George Melchior, dem Bruder von Carl Melchior (dem Justitiar und ersten familienfremden Mitgesellschafter der Warburg Bank) Bild- und Rechtswissenschaftler. Seine Beschäftigung mit den Brüder Pacelli ist Summe und Manual der Beschäftigung mit den Brüdern Melchior. Warburg kann die Gebrüder Pacelli von den Gebrüdern Melchior sicher unterscheiden. Ein Witz seiner Bild- und Rechtswissenschaft liegt aber darin, jedes Detail als Detail einer Referenz- und Infrastruktur zu sehen, mit dem eigene Graphien (und die eigene Biographie) auf fremde Graphien beziehen zu können. Warburg ist das Beispiel eines Polarforschers, dessen melancholisches Talent nicht darin aufgeht, der "entfremdete Charakter schlechthin" (Thomas Melle) zu ein. Warburg ist ein erstaunlich metabolisierender, metaphorisierender, übertragender, überlegender und übersetzender Charakter. Wenn so etwas Entfremdung sein soll, dann ist er entfremdet. Warburg kann alles auf sich beziehen und sich auf alles, kann mit jedem Ereignis sich gemeint wissen. Warburg kann in den Pacellis andere Melchiors sehen und in den Melchiors andere Pacellis. Wenn der liebe Gott im Detail steckt, dann unter anderem deswegen, weil jedes Detail für ein Anderes steht.

Auf Tafel 78 bildet Pietro Gasparri die Hauptfigur, der Kardinal Staatssekretär ist der Protagonist dieser Tafel, die mit ihrer aristolischen Einheit und dem streng kalendarischen Protokoll für Aby Warburgs Methode zwar eher untypisch, aber als Pol (und Gegenpol zu Tafel 79) doch wichtig ist. Francesco Pacelli taucht in der ersten Kolumne oder Spalte, die dem 11. Februar und der Unterzeichnung der Lateranverträge gewidmet ist, mehrfach auf. In der dritten Spalte, die sich auf den Austausch der Ratifikationsurkunden im Juni bezieht, taucht Pacelli wieder zweimal auf.

Die Kurie ist ein juridischer Apparat, die römische Kirche eine alte Büro- und Studiokratie der Gläubigen. Die Sekretäre, zumal der Kardinal Staatssekretär, sind Personen, die wie Juristen und wie Anwälte sind, schon weil die Person selbst eine juristische und juridische Menschenfassung und Subjektivierung ist. Francesco Pacelli ist der Anwalt von Tafel 78 und sein Bruder Eugenio ist dann der Bruder von Tafel 79. Der Workshop von Sutter und Freitas Mendes ist ein Workshop zu einem ohne, nämlich einem Recht, das ohne Anwälte oder Juristen sein soll. Das ist der Workshop zu einer Art cum ex, eventuell auch zur permanenten Reformation, man wird sehen. Ich stelle Warburgs Tafel vor, um ihn als Vorbild einer Forschung zur Geschichte und Theorie juridischer Kulturtechniken zu präsentieren, die nicht am Dogma der großen Trennung hängt. Weil die Unterscheidungen, die das Recht macht und die mit dem Recht gemacht werden, Trennungen, Assoziationen und Austauschmanöver sind, ist das, was ein Anwalt ist und das, was er nicht ist nicht nur in der Form identisch. Die Affirmation des Anwalts (sagen wir so: seine Beauftragung) verdichtet auch nichts und die Negation (sagen wir so: die Kündigung) leert nichts. Es gilt, Anwälte zu übersetzen und ihre Übersetzung mitzumachen. Eine Geschichte und Theorie juridischer Kulturtechnik, die sich Aby Warburg zum Vorbild nimmt, die hängt nicht an der Funktion, Abwesenheiten zu überbrücken und Abgründe zu meistern. Sie muss nichts enthaupten, muss nichts entlauben, nichts entsetzen und nichts entwerken, nichts entwerfen. Alles geht schon vor, alles Gemachte ist schon satt gemacht und man kann nur mitmachen und nur vom mitmachen wissen und nur Wissen mitmachen und nur das Mitmachen wissen. So eine Geschichte und Theorie soll Regungen und Bewegungen händelbar machen, nichts abschaffen, nichts beseitigen, nichts in die Welt setzen. Sie soll weder vom Nichts ins Sein springen noch vom Sein ins Nichts, denn nicht zuletzt soll man dem Tod keine Gründe geben. Der Antijuridismus ist so alt ist wie der Juridismus. Man muss die Juristen und Anwälte nicht loswerden, es sei denn, man will sie effektiver machen. "Und...bla bla bla" (JFM).

Das wird veranstaltet:

8. Mai:

9.30h Laurent de Sutter - The Problem Is Law: Why Lawyers Have to Reclaim the Operationality of the Juridical

10.30h João Marcelo Brito da Silva - Human Emancipation between Possibilities and Difficulties

14h Ricardo Spindola Diniz - The irradiating and explosive light of fundamental rights: Paul Baumgarten, the Rote Zora, and the history of the building of the Bundesverfassungsgericht

15h Konstantinos Tsioutras: Democratizing Justice: Reimaniging Law Without Lawyers Through a Critical Race Lens

9 Mai:

9.30 Paul de Hert/ Bárbara da Rosa Lazarotto - Lawyers, Law and Smart Governments: Analyzing the role of lawyers

10.30 Victoria L. Ridler - Ethics against hubris

11.30 João Freitas Mendes - Not Rome, but Greece

14h Adam Gearey - Robert Duncan's Lawful Anarchy

15h Fabian Steinhauer - Lawn and layers of lurking lawyers: Aby Warburg's rationality-cum-ex

#law without lawyers #João Freitas Mendes #laurent de sutter #gewandstudien #martin wasmer

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the-suicide-chronicles · 2 months ago

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A besta insaciável

Estender a mão ao outro para matar a culpa em si

Obra retratando o encontro de um preta com um praticante. Japão, circa século XII. Encontrado aqui

. . .

"Geralmente, eles [preta] são espíritos de pessoas gananciosas, invejosas ou corruptas que se tornaram, com seu karma negativo, demônios com um apetite insaciável por alguma substância." — Artigo sobre Preta na Megami Tensei Wiki

. . .

Para nós, brasileiros, "preta" é um adjetivo. Para o budismo, hinduísmo e taoismo, a palavra quer dizer outra coisa: são espíritos famintos.

Um preta tem, segundo os textos, um apetite infindável por alguma substância bizarra. Até mesmo por cadáveres. E apesar do apetite, ele nunca sentirá a saciedade que almeja; logo, pretas são indivíduos muito mais fracos do que até mesmo o ser humano mais fraco. Eles vivem em estado de exaustão.

Acredita-se que os pretas tenham sido, em uma vida anterior, pessoas corruptas, invejosas e/ou gananciosas. O karma negativo acumulado por essas pessoas nessa vida anterior garantia, então, que elas fossem espíritos torturados na vida seguinte.

. . .

Foto de Gabriel Meinert na Unsplash

"No fim, é necessário reconhecermos que o ser é um complexio oppositorum precisamente porque não há realidade sem polaridade. Não podemos ignorar o fato de que opostos adquirem sua ênfase apenas dentro da esfera da ação e do esforço humano, e que somos incapazes de definir 'bem' e 'mal' de forma que possa ser considerada universalmente válida." - Carl Jung, "Aion: Estudo sobre o simbolismo do si-mesmo"

A filosofia hindu acredita que os atos morais ou imorais nesta vida afetam a próxima vida pela qual uma alma passa. Aqui, fica clara a relação: uma vida de ganância, isto é, de uma busca obsessiva pelo material que nunca se satisfaz, leva a um renascimento como uma criatura cujo único instinto é consumir, mas é incapaz de se sentir satisfeita.

O modo como eu descrevi essas criaturas, até agora, é bem negativo. Ora, não é exclusivo a uma fé, nem mesmo a qualquer fé, a noção de que uma pessoa que sofre com vícios existe "abaixo" de uma pessoa dita normal. Até o mais ateu dos ateus é capaz de desprezar um viciado, seja qual for o vício.

Todavia, mesmo dentro do contexto religioso, há reflexões e passagens que indicam o oposto do que muitos pensariam ao ler tudo até aqui. Há quem diga, e são muitos, que a relação com almas torturadas não é - e não precisa ser - pintada de culpa, medo e raiva.

Então, acho que por agora, já deu de ficar falando só de religião aqui. Eu tenho 50 abas abertas no Google agora, e nenhum sutra vai me dar a paciência que eu preciso pra ler todos esses textos.

. . .

Foto de Alim na Unsplash

"Quantas pessoas estão presas na sua vontade insaciável e trilhando o caminho até o sofrimento? O que podemos fazer para ajudá-las? Nesse meio-tempo, em nossas mentes, estamos nos associando mentalmente com seres mitológicos que normalmente nos causam medo. Transformamos esse medo em compaixão ao percebermos que todo ser, visível ou invisível, se torna o que é a partir de sua ignorância." - Jamyang Puntsog, "Associating with preta"

Preta. A besta insaciável. Como é para você lidar com a ideia de que você está eternamente condenado a sentir fome, e que nunca vai conseguir encher o estômago? Como é existir de uma forma tão dolorosa?

Talvez o exercício seja outro. Se partirmos do pressuposto que pretas são fantasmas, e por isso não "existem" no nosso plano, então talvez a dinâmica seja simbólica. Você, humano, deve ver o preta como um lembrete de que você também tem vontades e desejos. Um lembrete de que você é tão suscetível ao vício quanto aquele que já foi tomado por ele.

Fazendo esse exercício, você está em comunhão com demônios. Frase pesada, né? "Comunhão", "demônios". Mas talvez o ponto seja esse. Talvez os demônios existam dentro da nossa própria mente, e talvez ao abrir um canal, uma ligação com eles, estejamos exercitando a nossa empatia, nosso autoconhecimento e definindo um caminho de aceitação.

Foto de Михаил Секацкий na Unsplash

Carl Jung, o psicólogo, defendeu que para que haja uma aceitação completa de nós mesmos, é primeiro necessário que o indivíduo encare sua Sombra - o "ponto cego" da sua psique, tudo aquilo sobre você que você deseja esconder - e faça o esforço de reconhecê-la, aceitá-la, e assim, incorporá-la de maneira saudável no seu ego.

Uma besta também tem sentimentos. E quando uma pessoa sente não medo e desprezo por uma besta, mas sim compaixão pelo seu sofrimento, está sendo feito um exercício de mudança nas duas partes. Dessa maneira, aceita-se a besta interior como ela é, mas sem permitir que os seus impulsos negativos tomem conta da relação e passem a defini-la.

Se me permitem sair um pouco da terceira pessoa, e dessa persona distante do material do texto, eu gostaria de dar uma palavrinha mais pessoal pra ilustrar o meu ponto.

Foto de Vasily Koloda na Unsplash

Como pessoa neurodivergente, deprimida, e que existe em um lugar mental de não pertencimento, eu desenvolvi meus próprios vícios. Na maior parte do tempo, eles me estragam; mas pior de tudo, eles também afetam minhas relações. Muitas coisas boas no meu futuro, mais de uma vez, se perderam por conta de um impulso que não segurei a tempo.

É cômodo se agarrar à ideia de que você talvez mereça existir dessa forma. E é talvez mais cômodo ainda pensar que isso é alguma penitência por uma vida passada. Pode ser uma forma de dissociação do problema, ou uma forma de lidar com aqueles que não te veem e não se esforçam para te ver como um ser humano de mesmo "nível".

Nessas horas, a culpa é sua única amiga. E eu garanto a vocês que, mesmo sendo ateu, eu não estou imune à culpa; pois ela não tem necessariamente uma raiz na crença religiosa, mas sim na crença de forma geral, seja ela simbólica ou não.

Ninguém está imune à culpa. Mas, pela mesma lógica, ninguém está imune à libertação dessa culpa. Nós apenas não conseguimos buscá-la sozinhos, já que fomos vencidos pelas nossas piores qualidades e nos foi reforçado que existimos da forma "errada"; portanto, também não buscamos reforço nas pessoas ao nosso redor.

. . .

Cena do filme Creed, estrelando Michael B. Jordan

Mas isso não é certo.

Não é certo, porra!

O futuro de uma pessoa pode não ser necessariamente decidido por ela mesma, mas o que pode ser feito dentro do futuro que uma pessoa vê cabe única e exclusivamente ao que está dentro da sua mente. A arma mais poderosa de uma pessoa é o seu autoconhecimento, e a força mental que permite que ela permaneça de pé, de cabeça erguida, de peito aberto e com os ouvidos escutando tudo.

Então eu te pergunto novamente, besta:

Como você se sente?

Puxe uma cadeira e me conte tudo. E depois, vamos tomar um suco, pedir sorvete e assistir Succession juntos. Viver a vida normal que você merece.

Ó quem que tá com uma fome insaciável também

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brookstonalmanac · 4 months ago

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Events 2.6 (after 1930)

1934 – Far-right leagues rally in front of the Palais Bourbon in an attempted coup against the French Third Republic, creating a political crisis in France. 1944 – World War II: The Great Raids Against Helsinki begins. 1951 – The Canadian Army enters combat in the Korean War. 1951 – The Broker, a Pennsylvania Railroad passenger train derails near Woodbridge Township, New Jersey. The accident kills 85 people and injures over 500 more. The wreck is one of the worst rail disasters in American history. 1952 – Elizabeth II becomes Queen of the United Kingdom and her other Realms and Territories and Head of the Commonwealth upon the death of her father, George VI. At the exact moment of succession, she was in a tree house at the Treetops Hotel in Kenya. 1958 – Eight Manchester United F.C. players and 15 other passengers are killed in the Munich air disaster. 1959 – Jack Kilby of Texas Instruments files the first patent for an integrated circuit. 1959 – At Cape Canaveral, Florida, the first successful test firing of a Titan intercontinental ballistic missile is accomplished. 1973 – The Ms  7.6 Luhuo earthquake strikes Sichuan Province, causing widespread destruction and killing at least 2,199 people. 1976 – In testimony before a United States Senate subcommittee, Lockheed Corporation president Carl Kotchian admits that the company had paid out approximately $3 million in bribes to the office of Japanese Prime Minister Kakuei Tanaka. 1978 – The Blizzard of 1978, one of the worst Nor'easters in New England history, hit the region, with sustained winds of 65 mph and snowfall of four inches an hour. 1981 – The National Resistance Army of Uganda launches an attack on a Ugandan Army installation in the central Mubende District to begin the Ugandan Bush War. 1987 – Justice Mary Gaudron becomes the first woman to be appointed to the High Court of Australia. 1989 – The Round Table Talks start in Poland, thus marking the beginning of the overthrow of communism in Eastern Europe. 1996 – Willamette Valley Flood: Floods in the Willamette Valley of Oregon, United States, causes over US$500 million in property damage throughout the Pacific Northwest. 1996 – Birgenair Flight 301 crashed off the coast of the Dominican Republic, killing all 189 people on board. This is the deadliest aviation accident involving a Boeing 757. 1998 – Washington National Airport is renamed Ronald Reagan National Airport. 2000 – Second Chechen War: Russia captures Grozny, Chechnya, forcing the separatist Chechen Republic of Ichkeria government into exile. 2006 – Stephen Harper becomes Prime Minister of Canada. 2012 – A magnitude 6.7 earthquake hits the central Philippine island of Negros, leaving 112 people dead. 2016 – An earthquake of magnitude 6.6 strikes southern Taiwan, killing 117 people. 2018 – SpaceX's Falcon Heavy, a super heavy launch vehicle, makes its maiden flight. 2021 – U.S. Secretary of State Antony Blinken suspends agreements with Guatemala, El Salvador and Honduras to send asylum seekers back to their home countries. 2023 – Two earthquakes measuring Mww 7.8 and 7.5 struck near the border between Turkey and Syria with a maximum Mercalli intensity of XII (Extreme). The earthquakes resulted in numerous aftershocks and a death toll of 57,658 people.

#Events

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infoiberico · 1 year ago

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[spotifyplaybutton play="https://open.spotify.com/episode/6d562a3aBwpJWP8sAIcw0e?si=_5RN68vKTTCsRm2oXlyMcw"] El duodécimo Congreso Mundial del Jamón (XII CMJ), que tendrá lugar del 5 al 7 de junio en Zafra, ha organizado una jornada titulada ‘La ecoeficiencia del sector jamonero’ en Girona, cuyo objetivo ha sido analizar las principales acciones y prácticas de sostenibilidad que están adoptando las empresas, operadores y profesionales del sector para ser ecoeficientes. El evento ha contado para su bienvenida e inauguración con la presencia de Josep Solà, presidente de la Federación Empresarial de Carnes e Industrias Cárnicas (FECIC) y Julio Tapiador, presidente del Comité Organizador del XII CMJ. Solá ha resaltado que en un momento en que la sostenibilidad y la responsabilidad ambiental son imperativos ineludibles, “es fundamental que la industria jamonera asuma su papel en la protección de nuestro entorno”. En su opinión, a través de la implementación de prácticas ecoeficientes, es posible reducir el consumo de agua, energía y materiales, mitigar las emisiones de gases de efecto invernadero y minimizar la generación de residuos, “al tiempo que aumentamos la productividad y la rentabilidad de nuestras operaciones”. Por su parte, Tapiador ha señalado que “nuestro objetivo principal es poder continuar reforzando la relación con los profesionales del sector del jamón y, para ello, nuestra prioridad es mejorar su experiencia a la hora de obtener la información que buscan ofreciéndoles un completo programa científico de ponencias”. Durante el acto ha tenido lugar una mesa redonda titulada ‘¿Qué hace el sector del jamón para ser ecoeficiente?, moderada por Ignasi Pons, secretario general de FECIC. Durante la misma, han estado presentes Jordi Buxeda, Anna Sol y Ot Fortuny. Los integrantes de la mesa han señalado que la ecoeficiencia es intentar que las acciones que lleva a cabo la industria produzcan el menor impacto al medioambiente, desde la materia prima hasta el producto que llega al consumidor. No obstante, para los ponentes aún se puede avanzar en esta parte sin menospreciar la rentabilidad en la producción de jamón. Asimismo, los ponentes han recordado como el enfoque de la sostenibilidad debe abarcar todas las áreas y, para ello el sector del jamón ha de ser proactivo con objetivos medibles y asequibles relacionados con el bienestar animal, las personas, la seguridad y calidad alimentaria, la innovación y gestión y la ética responsable. Para finalizar, la jornada ha contado con una 2ª mesa redonda titulada ‘El futuro del sector jamonero: oportunidades y amenazas’, moderada por Jacint Arnau, investigador senior asociado del Instituto de Investigación y Tecnología Agroalimentarias (IRTA). Para la misma se ha contado con la participación de Jaume Planella, Xavier Espuña y Carles Boadas. Los ponentes han estado de acuerdo en que España elabora un producto de máxima calidad a un precio competitivo y que ha de ponerse en valor el trabajo del producto que se está comercializando hoy en día. Asimismo, los participantes han señalado la necesidad de colaborar en la promoción del conocimiento, que es la base del desarrollo empresarial para el futuro del sector jamonero en todo el mundo. Todo aquel interesado en acudir a la cita más significativa del sector jamonero puede aún inscribirse, además, mantiene abierto su periodo de captación de sponsors. Para más información sobre las modalidades de participación, inscripción o patrocinio puede entrar en la web del Congreso mundial del jamón o contactar con la Secretaría Técnica del CMJ llamando al 917217929 o enviando un email a [email protected]

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misguidedasgardian · 10 months ago

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Wild Cats (Part XII)

XII. Hardhome

MASTERLIST

Summary: A ray of hope after weeks of… darkness

Pairing: Daryl Dixon x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Zombie apocalypse AU, living dead, zombies, guts, blood, guns, injures, cannibalism, they eat dogs :(, might miss some warnings but you know what this is about, right?

+18, MINORS DNI

Notes: Sorry for the rambles, In this chapter i break the remaining ice and the doubts of reader, she had been getting too much into her own head… you know? weeks on the road not knowing what they were gonna find, going hungry and walking all day, one tends to get in their own heads… anyways… things finally get to a halt here…

You were near Noah’s place.

According to him, it was a safe community, with gates and all, and if we played our cards nicely, we could all stay there, he was over excited and Beth was too, and you had a sinking feeling on your stomach you couldn’t quite identify, you didn’t know if it was because you were nervous about going into someone else’s community, or for imminent danger.

You had found two cars, both runned down and in the brink of exploding, one of then was an old chevy SUV, and the other was an even older van

Only the SUV was working, Abraham insisted he could fix the Van, and as he, Rosita and Eugene did, Rick went forwards and formed a group, which was going to be the advanced group. Those were Rick, Michonne, Tyresse, Glenn, Beth, and Noah. And they left, starting driving north, you were shy of 200 miles from reaching Noah’s community

You stayed back with the rest

As the mechanical team tried to fix the van, you set guards with Daryk and the others

Carol and him went first, and you stayed back with Tara.

Maggie stayed inside the warehouse with Carl and Judith.

You took turns to mount guard, and now, it was your turn to go inside with the rest, the sun had already set, and it was pitch dark already outside, a cold lingering in the environment. The Warehouse was nice, very modern, it had a hard cement floor and a floor and a half of height, no rooms but a small office. You had lit a fire inside of a cut out oil drum, and all of the giruo gathered around it.

Maggie walked towards you, with baby Judith in her arms.

You didn’t want to sound dramatic or even paranoid, but they were all looking at you, seemingly watching your reaction, as they had been talking about you

They had been, but you didn’t know that, they had been talking about how you had become distant, and they wanted to change that.

“Here, hold her for sec”, said Maggie, handing you Judith over

“Oh no…”, you tried to deny her, but it was useless, you took the baby girl into your arms, as you looked at you with her big eyes. You were not a monster, and, she was so sweet.

The only babies you had ever held were your nephews and nieces, all of them far away from now. Rick had neve asked you to hold his daughter, and you believed that it was because he didn’t trust you with her.

But this… you looked at Maggie as she gave you reassuring smile, and you smiled back at her

She trusted you, so did Rick, so did Daryl…

You accommodate her more into your hip as she seemed contented as she smiled at you, she was so small, a year and a half maybe, but she was a sweet baby

“She likes you”, said Carl with a soft smile, nodding at you, you smiled back

It felt nice, to hold a baby in your arms, like you said, it's been a while, and her very existence was the irrefutable proof that the world might be healing… that there was a chance for human kind.

You started rocking her, cooing at her, making funny faces until you got a couple of giggles out of her.

“Who is the sweetest girl in all the land?”, you asked teasingly. She reminded you so much of the babies in your family you felt your chest tightening. But at the same time, it felt kind of comforting. “You?”, you teased, tickling her with one of your hands, she giggled even louder, “is that you?”

Daryl entered the room at this point, the scene made hims top on his tracks, looking at you wide-eyed

“Look who’s there, uncle Daryl”, you teased, turning around

Oh this was doing things to him

But he smiled softly, as he was watching you finally clicking inside of the group, as the past few weeks you had been drifting a bit

“She tends to do that,”, Maggie whispered in his ear making him jump on his spot, “cheering people up”, she said, referring to baby Judith.

How could you ever think about leaving the group? Daryl had said it, and you now were believing it.

You were aprt of the family

And together, with this strange group of different people

You could do anything

You were going to face DC and whatever lies within

You were going to make it, you were going to face whatever it came, and someday, hopefully soon, you were going to find a home in which you could settle, maybe lay on some roots, and grow.

You didn’t return Judith to Maggie, that night, she curled up against you, you cuddled her against your chest and she slept in your arms until you placed her in a wooden box you found in the office, of course made comfortable by a bunch of blankets the team carried with them

Only after you had made sure she was fast asleep, you dared to found a comfortable spot and remove your boots

Your dirty socks were now bloodied, and take them out had ripped off the thin layer of a new scab that was forming, making the small wounds on your feet to bleed again

“Here, I found this”, muttered Rosita, giving you a small first aid kits

“No, what if someone needs them?”, you asked her

“You need them, those could get infected, and that will be an issue”, she said, you nodded, “need some help?”

“I think I’m fine”, you said, you had to bite your own lip not to scream at the sharp pain, when you cleaned them with alcohol, you felt a bit cowardly, but those motherfuckers stung!, but you managed to patch yourself up pretty decently

“Ya’ alright?”, asked Daryl, sitting by your side

“Yeah”, you muttered, with a soft smile, “just a couple of blisters exploded inside my thick boots”, you said crudely, you had to let the wounds “breathe”, so they were going to heal better and faster, tomorrow you’ll apply some more alcohol and that…

“Wanna sleep a bit?”, you asked him

“Ya’ go to sleep”, he said a bit defensively

“Fine”, you said with a smile, you watched around, Carl was asleep with Judith in the office, Abraham and Rosita had taken the van, you tried to ignore the wobble of the whole thing.

Maggie was on watch duty too, with Tara

You went to sleep that night, in turns, with a smile on your face, feeling safe, like they have your back, because they did.

You had to keep that hope up, no matter how you were hurt.

No matter also that the very next day Rick hit you up in the walkie talkie, as you just went into the rute with the freshly fixed Van

“It’s gone”, he said over the radio, and everybody could listen it, “all of it, it’s gone”

There was a silence on the vehicle, you could actually hear dreams breaking, hope being destroyed, and you could only think about Noah, as you cradled Judith, although you were not specially excited about becoming her primary caretaker right now…

But anyways

It was something that had been on your mind, Noah’s community being runned, but it was a reality now.

“What are we gonna do?”, you asked, Carol looked back at you

“We meet at the “rendezvous” point”, she said firmly, “we go from there”

“What the hell does that mean?”, asked Daryl

“it’s french, it means meeting”, you said softly, he frowned at you

“Ya’ speak french?”

“I just know the more popular words”, you answered with a soft smile

You felt a lump in your throat, the reality hitting you in waves, the fact that you didn’t have a safe place to be yet, and you were on the wind… once again.

And the worst piled up, as you received new that the team’s SUV didn’t work anymore and they were on foot, as it was magic, your own van dropped shortly after, leaving you roughly a hundred miles separated from your friends.

What a shitty situation

But you were not going to let go of your new found hope so easily, if everything was happening, is because you were certain there was something betterfor you all, you had to believe it.

So you were on your feet again, walking and then walking some more.

You walked in the rearguard, hand in your holdster and the other in your ax, you had come across some fuckers, but nothing you couldn’t handle

Eugene and Maggie with the kids were walking in the middle of the group, flanked by Rosita and Abraham, Tara and Sasha were walking behind, Carol was leading the group, followed closely by Gabriel,

It’s like everybody took their spots naturally at this point

Daryl always disappeared in the flanks, appearing after a couple of hours with a fresh hunt

And when he was near you, he was walking by your side. You looked at him and smiled softly, you enjoyed his company, always a soft and comfortable silence as you were

“Tell me something I don’t know”, you invited him, he looked at you and raised one of his eyebrows in question

“wha’?”, he asked

“Tell me something about you”, you said, “did you have a family?”

“I had a brother”, he said shortly, “i lost him a year back”

“I’m sorry”, you said

“He was a prick, but he was still my brother”, he said lightly, he looked back at you and seemed like he had so much to say, a story behind it, but he didn’t say a anything else, “got a dad when this shit started too”, he kept drawling, with his accent you liked so much. You just looked at him in question, “I ain’t sad he is gone though”, he said shortly

And you understood it

“He was more of a prick uh?”, you asked

“Yeah”, he said lightly, “How ‘bout you?”

“I had a mother, a stepfather, two siblings and nephews and nieces”, you said, “and many more before this started… I don’t know if… I still have someone out there”, you said, trying not to think about it, in our mind, they were all fine, together, on an island.

The uncertainty would have killed you if you didn’t have to fight for your life every day, distracting you.

“DId you live in Atlanta?”, you asked then, he looked back at you

“Yeah”, he said simply, “you?”, you smiled at him, and the name of your country just flew out of your mouth like it was nothing, it seemed so foreign, you didn’t think you had said it since this started, and it sounded weird

You miss it, you miss the world as it was, but, who didn’t?

“What were you doing after this?”, you asked him, you remembered that night and conversation with Abraham, how tense he got, he hadn't answered, and know you felt like you were in prison, nobody asked you who you were “before”, is not how things worked anymore. But you really wanted to get to know him better, and for that great rewards, you had to take some risks

“I…”, he seemed to doubt, to think about it, “didn’ do much”, he said, “just going around with my brother, up to no good”, he seemed conflicted at his confession, and then he raised his eyes from the road ahead of him and looked at you, frowning

Quick! change the subject

“When did you met Rick and the others?”, you asked

“First I met Carol, and Glenn of those who are left”, he said, “of a trafficjam outside of Atlanta”, he said softly

He didn’t have the heart to tell you that he and Merle decided to camp with the others to rob them, but then he decided against it, despite Merle’s protests and insults.

It had been so long ago

He was a different person now.

“How did you found RIck and Carl?”

“Carl found me on a roof”, you said with a smile, “decided to take me in”, he chuckled

“He asked you the questions?”

“He did”, you said with a soft smile, he nodded with a soft smile, “great kid”, you admitted, looking at wearer of the sheriff hat walking in front of you

He wanted to ask you back more questions, but you walked on silence, one step at a time

It took you two days to meet Rick’s gorup again, and their tiredness and hopelessness was evident.

Contrary to what you believed, the soldier trio as you called them were not the first ones to break, it seemed like Eugene had squashed whatever hope they had the hardest, so they now were hopeful to anything they could find, so they were the pens who kept it together.

You had formed a friendship with Rosita, Tara and Maggie, the former teaching you so many cool survival stuff, like how to create a water filter, with just different kinds of rocks.

You kept walking towards DC, now wordlessly, you didn’t even know where to start.

The group was crumbling, but you tried to keep it together, taking care of Judith, mounting guard, helped to keep the hunter of the group more comfortable, making sure he stayed hydrated and took some decent hours of sleep each night, as he slept by yours or Carol’s side.

It was sad to say, that you were getting used to being in the wild

That is, until resources started to be dangerously scarce…

Starting by the water.

You were starving, you were dehydrated, and you felt like you were about to collapse

“What this it?”

You looked back at the small horde of walkers that were coming after you, like vultures, hoping one of you lost the footing and fell, for you to make a mistake

It was until you were on a bridge that RIck decided to command you to take care of them

It wasn’t confrontational, but you were to push them down towards a ditch.

You were so tired you didn’t think you’d had the energy for anything else.

You let them reach you and you grabbed the first one and threw him off the bridge. the second one proved itself more feisty, so you had to take out your axe

You did not believe in letting them “keep walking”, you were more into eliminating them permanently.

You did that until all of them were gone, and then you kept walking

“I’m starting to think we should have stayed in those houses”, Daryl muttered hopefully, looking at you, you looked back at him.

“Mee too”, you admitted

“We are close to DC”, Rick said out loud, “we need to keep going”

Yeah, we needed to keep going

A big city meant there were more places where you can find food, canned goods, supplies, they might all be sacked, but in this big world, there were still hidden places with useful things on them.

“Say nothing”, demanded Daryl, as he walked by your side, “I think someone had been following us”

“Really?”, you asked

“Got nothin’ to show for it”, he said, “but yeah”

“Friend or foe?”, you asked

“Don’t know”

But if someone was indeed following you, and you trusted Daryl completely, nobody showed themselves to be.

And the fact that you had to eat wild dogs to survive the very next day made you hope those who were watching were deterred from doing something to you…

You didn’t feel great about it, but this was about living, surviving, and you hoped you didn’t have to do it again.

The very next day, as your eyesight was tunneling, you found gallons of water on the road, apparently, laid down for you to take

“From a friend”, it read, you watched Daryl carefully, who seemed mistrustful of it

To the surprise of all, Eugene took one bottle, ready to try it, but Abraham slapped it off of his hands.

“We cannot trust this”, said Rick angrily

You were going to take a bottle and drink it yourself, but Daryl grabbed you by the hand the second you were going to move, preventing you from doing so.

But as you were going to protest, you were interrupted by a lightning, sounding far away, but with it, came rain.

It hit you from one moment and to the next, you were soaked

You actually cheered when you felt the liquid of life hitting your face, you spread your arms wide and enjoyed it. Everyone in the group were so excited, except JUdith, who cried as she didn’t like it at all, but it was still a very enjoyable moment

“Grab what you can! with whatever you have!”, said Rick and he was right, you needed to gather it. You used a trekking water bottle, those with wide necks, to gather some water.

But the joy suddenly turned to worry, as darker and darker clouds were on the horizon.

“I know somewhere we can go!”, said Daryl, leading you away from the bottles and into the woods

You saw a small barn where you could seek shelter, and the rain started to become more and more intense.

A whole storm broke out, as you took a walker that was in the small room in the back of the barn, a woman, who couldn’t take it anymore. It was sad, really

“She had a gun, she could have shot herself”, muttered Carol, watching the scene

“Some people can’t give up”, said Daryl, “like us”, he gave you a look and returned to the main space

The night quickly fall over you and with it, a full storm started to rage, to shake the barn to its core.

Carl had fallen asleep like a log, after eating the squirrels Daryl had hunted for you.

You curled up on the floor, the archer by your side and Rosita on your other side. Rick ont he other side of Daryl

They had managed to set a fire, and you tried to relax, but the storm raging outside was proving to be difficult to that endeavor

“I used to feel sorry for kids that have to grow up now…”, said Rick, as he was talking to Carol, but now he was talking to the rest of you, “In this.. But now I think I got it wrong… Growing up is getting used to the world, it will be easier for them”

His words weighed on you, and what they meant, Rick looked positively feral, he had been through so much, twice as much because of the weight of his children on him.

“This isn’t the world”, said Michonne, the ambience was tense, many had gone to sleep, you couldn’t hold yourself up any longer and leaned into Daryl, he didn’t seem to mind as he relaxed his stance, ”this isn’t it”, said Michonne

It was idiotic to think you were going to live long enough to see the world back to the way it was before, eliminate the virus so the dead didn’t rise again? reinstate governments? start to create infrastructure again? you didn’t see it

“It might be”, said Gleen, looking at the flame in front of him

“That’s giving up!”, continued Michonne

“It’s reality”, he said back

“Until we see otherwise, that is what we have to deal with”, the sound of the storm was lulling you to sleep, going completely slack against the archer, who seeme to mold to your comfort.

“When I was a kid… I asked my grandpa once if he ever killed any Germans in the war…”, Rick’s voice felt further and further away, “...he wouldn’t answer, he said that was grown up stuff… so i asked if the Germans ever tried to kill him, but he got real quiet, he said he was dead the minute he stepped into enemy territory…”

You took a long breath, breathing Daryl in, the warmth of his skin against your cheek

“Every day he woke up and told himself… “rest in peace, now get up and go to war”, and then after a few years that he pretended he was dead… he made it out alive. That’s the trick of it, I think”

His rambles made more and more sense into your head

“We do what we need to do and then we get to libe… but no matter what we find in DC, I know we’ll be okay… because this is how we survive. we tell ourselves… that we… are the walking dead”, just as you were embracing this new reality, point of view, or whatever it was, Daryl whole body shook softly with the rumble of his voice

“We ain’t them”, he said decisively, he accommodated you even more against his side, placing his arm around your shoulders, and you finally fell asleep, cuddled against him.

You woke up startled, the sounds of wood crushing shook you to your core.

The doors of the barn threatened to burst open, and if the growling outside was of any indication, the storm wasn’t the only thing seeking destruction in the night.

Daryl was the first one to place his hands on the wood, pushing, perhaps that is why you realized what was happening

You were the second

“We need all hands in!”, you called, Rosita’s and Abraham’s hands were the next, and all of them followed, pushing the doors back to their place.

The gods forbid you have one peaceful night.

You didn't know then, then the very next day… you were going to find everything you were looking for.

Post chapter notes: yeah didn’t kill Tyresse either, I’m a softie

@crazyunsexycool

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