#caringforcrick

[caringforcrick]

Remember when I said I was done with surgeries...

Hey y’all! It’s been way too long. And I’m gonna fully blame it on Maisie. She’s still absolutely crazy. She’s now 2 years and 2 months... and that’s almost how long I’ve been feeling ill. It started in pregnancy: nausea, no appetite, fatigue. But those are all completely normal pregnancy symptoms. But they never went away, just got worse. If you have ever eaten with me, especially at Olive Garden or CiCi’s, you know I can eat a shocking amount. I love food. I used to call my mom at work while eating breakfast every morning and ask, “what’s for dinner?” Now, I’m to the point where I’ll eat ANYthing I can get to even look/sound a smidge enticing. Most of the time, the more I run through my normally favorite foods, the more nauseous I become. Then I’d take a Zofran (anti-nausea) and get bloated/stopped up. Either way, nothing good is ever going on with my stomach. 🤦🏼‍♀️ So after a physical exam, blood tests, and a belly sonogram this past year, my doctor finally said, we’re done with the easy tests, time for the rough ones. We started listing all my issues, other than the nausea and loss of appetite. Fatigue is a huge one, I can’t take a shower without getting so exhausted, I just can’t wait to get it over with so I can get out and lay down. You guys, being a stay at home mom to a very active toddler is not for the fatigued. 🤦🏼‍♀️ Anxiety and depression, something I’ve dealt with for quite awhile, but it’s gotten worse. By that I mean more often and intense, and for no apparent reason, while on anti anxiety and anti-depression medications. I then show him my stomach, where I still have a lingering skin infection, something I thought was a heat rash from sleeping on my stomach, I guess sweat just irritates it 🤷🏼‍♀️ Brain fog, forgetfulness, hair loss, migraines. These are all easily chalked up to my injuries, pregnancy brain, mom brain, postpartum symptoms, all things that didn’t scream, “run to the emergency room already!” But after so long and the symptoms list growing, we had to figure it out before I lost it. Then it hit us, what if my implants are ruptured?! First up, I met with a G.I. Doctor that set me up to get a stomach scope and colonoscopy at the same time 😩 then went to get a mammogram and breast sonogram, which is where I learned my right (silicone) breast implant is ruptured... oh and the molding is mostly in my armpit. Y’all, my anxiety escalated quickly. I immediately googled everything “ruptured silicone implants” and was starting to have a heart attack, or maybe it was a panic attack 🤷🏼‍♀️ it was bad. The longer you leave a ruptured silicone implant in your body, the more time it has to migrate to other parts of your body. Once it’s in another part, it’s there, there’s no removing it. Within days I had seen my surgeon to go over getting them removed, and the surgery scheduled for January 3rd 2019. While I’m excited to postpone, 🤞🏻maybe cancel all together, that scope and colonoscopy... buuut, I feel like those woulda been way easier than removing my boobs 🙄 Ya live and ya learn. And that’s why we’re here. Seriously, if you are thinking about breast implants, please don’t. I regretted mine within 2 weeks of getting them, and I’d wanted them for as long as I could remember. But sick 34 year old me wants to throat punch 25 year old me, hard. They weren’t worth it. And now I wait 5.5 more days, get the implants and scar tissue capsules removed, and then have family come over while Shea’s at work to help me with Maisie, because I can’t even lift her for 3+ weeks. I’m honestly praying this is the reason behind my sickness, so I can start healing, feel better, and absolutely not go get a scope/colonoscopy. 🙌🏻 Rolling on all the Young Living Tranquil blend and trying to breathe.

[iamatinyowl]

I know that it's not the same coming from a stranger, not the guy that hurt you, but on behalf of drunk drivers... I'm sorry for what you've had to go through and will continue to. I was the "victim" as well, but I was just as drunk as the driver, my husband. I tell my entire experience since I left the hospital on my blog. Start at the beginning, I promise you wing regret it. And if you ever feel like venting, I'm down to listen.

Reading some of your responses to other articles you have reblogged, not just mine, I am actually really offended. Don’t defend drunk drivers just because they are teenagers. If they take on the responsibility of a drivers license they are accepting an adult responsibility for the welfare of everyone around them.

And don’t liken me being hit by a drunk driver, flying 40 feet and being abandoned in the mud, shattered and bleeding to death fully conscious and aware for the five hours of screaming it took for me to be found, to you choosing to get into a car with someone shit faced. The only choice I made was to walk hope on a hot summer night. I am in a fucking wheelchair and I may never walk again. You can walk and ride an exercise bicycle and do your own shopping and stand up and get dressed without help and do things quickly and face stairs and cook and shower without a supervisor and take baths. And you fucking chose. You chose what happened to you.

[caringforcrick]

As a woman, if this isn’t a reason to rethink drinking and driving, I can give you many more. #caringforcrick #tumblr #whosyourdd

[caringforcrick]

(10/31/14) Today is one of my most favorite days of the year. I met my best friend MeMo 16 years ago, moved into my first home with my husband 3 years ago, and now my baby brother is getting married TODAY! And I thank baby Jesus he's marrying a girl that's become one of my best friends. It's a good day. :) My friend Amanda took me to Cryotherapy for my birthday, to see if I could get any health benefits from it. I'm not sure if it did anything else, but I know for sure it made me extremely happy, in a way I've never felt before, I could bend my knee slightly more, I could breathe easier than I had in a long time, and I slept the best I had since the accident. So I highly recommend anyone and everyone at least try it! I got to make it out to a few of my Godson Gavin's t-ball and soccer games. Not only was it so adorable and entertaining, but he is a freaking rockstar soccer player. He's only 3 and scored goal after goal like it was nothing. He apparently takes after me. ;) Then my Goddaughter Madison hurt her arm and still placed 2nd place in her gymnastics competition. And she's obviously a rockstar. :) (FYI: she did the cryotherapy, and that helped heal and take away her arm pain). I somehow got extremely lucky and found one of my dream trucks (yes, I have multiple dream vehicles that include almost anything built before the 80's). But I now have to take care of a few things before I can actually drive it. I need to renew my license, take care of my license surcharge (my DWI), either get permission from my probation officer to drive without a breathalyzer, or wait until I'm off probation so I don't have to get one; then I'll need to fix my truck's alignment, replace my side mirrors (these are so small I can't see anything lol), and fix my breaks. My breaks have to be pushed in so hard that my ankle, shin, thigh, and right butt cheek are so sore. My ankle barely has any range of motion from being in boots so long, my toes being stiff, a plate in my thigh, the bone graft and rod... It's all very tender and hypersensitive, so those brakes getting fixed are a must before I start driving. And while I'm on a safety first kick, I should probably go ahead and get those side mirrors changed out before I start driving as well. I mean, it's been 19.5 months already since I've driven, I can only imagine how unsafe it is for me not to be able to see lol! My brother and his wife are moving into their first home tomorrow, so we'll be helping them move the entire day, I'm so excited to see their first home! Then Sunday I have Gavin's 4th birthday party. I can't believe he's 4. Time is going way too fast for my liking. But I am so glad I'm heading closer and closer to being "normal" again! :)

[caringforcrick]

'79 Ford F100! #caringforcrick #ford #dreamtruck

[caringforcrick]

There’s a ton of reasons, but this is a great list.

[caringforcrick]

(1/18/14) The past few days I have been on an emotional roller coaster. I’m either feeling down, anxious, irritable, or all three at once. But I’m ok with it in a sense. Sometimes I need to cry or be angry, get out whatever I’m feeling and thinking, so I can vent, get over it, and move on. Thursday we got Babes for dinner again to say bye to my aunt Toot, she headed back to Saudi yesterday. And yesterday I forced myself to make a meal plan and grocery list. I say “forced” because it’s hard to form a new habit, but I’m terrible about just going and getting the most random stuff, then I’ve got all the ingredients, except one, for anything I wanna make! So after Shea got off work we went grocery shopping, then came home to cook dinner and watch Big Bang and pass out. We got a huge fresh slab of salmon instead of getting a bag in the freezer section, and we’d never done that before. So I’m sure it was a pretty funny scene, us trying to figure out what to do with it. We got to use so many things we got as wedding gifts for the first time, like our veggie steamer and wood chip smoke box for the salmon on the grill. We felt pretty fancy. ;) This morning Shea went to his usual AA meeting and then went to another one to lead a group of about 30 people. Then he came home and motivated me to get up and workout with him. So I’m pretty proud of him! My sister in law, Brittany, texted me at 9am that she’s craving PF Changs and now I cannot stop thinking about it. Fried green beans and chicken lettuce wraps. I hope she wasn’t being a tease and that it’s really happening, because I haven’t had it since my MeMo had it delivered to me in the hospital! I sure wish she’d deliver herself and her two baby girls!! Hope everyone has a safe weekend!

[caringforcrick]

Wild Weekend

(1/12/14) Yesterday Shea and I went up to Gainesville to put the running boards on his truck so I can get in and out easier, and to spend time with his mom and grandparents. We took the dogs with us and they ran around like psychos for hours, then passed out the whole ride home. We had an early dinner at Olive Garden and went to bed. This morning Shea started cleaning out the garage and I cleaned and organized inside. My father in law came over to spend the day with Shea and my mom came to get me for lunch at Chuy’s and my cousin Bennett’s 2nd birthday party. It was completely cowboy and Woody from Toy Story, so cute. My mom dropped me off and I cleaned some more and finally got in bed to relax. I’m doing more and more each day and I hope that means I’m going to be ready for the Color Run! So many are signing up for my team I’m so excited!!! Makes me want to try harder and harder each time I think about it. :)

[caringforcrick]

Pill Free

(1/6/13) Friday we went to dinner at Babes with my in-laws. Any time at Babes is awesome. Afterwards we laid in bed watching movies, Adult Children of Divorce (A.C.O.D.) and Bad Grandpa. Both funny. Saturday my brother and his fiancé came over and we went to dinner and then made them watch A.C.O.D. Because it was that funny. :) And we passed out early. Then yesterday the four of us went up to Pilot Point for our Christmas with my dad’s side. We got my Freddie’s fried fish and presents… Obviously a great day. I wore my Uggs. On both feet. Besides the time I got to wear a shoe on my right foot to PT, this was the first time going out and spending the day in both. Today I did the same for PT and ditched the cane. At this point, the cane is used as a crutch and I was only going from the house to the car, car to the PT building, and back again. Plus, it slows me down at times and that drives me crazy when I just want to get where I’m going NOW. This process has definitely not curbed my patience issue, at all. My physical therapist has been getting onto me about bending my right knee when I walk. It’s not that I don’t want to, I’m just used to keeping it stick straight since it barely bent at all for so long and I have only been able to even walk on my right foot a couple weeks now. Before we started on my exercises she measured my knee bend while forcing it to bend and we could hear the scar tissue tearing. I want to cut my knee off it hurts so bad, but the side affects from my pain pills just aren't worth it. After PT I started doing laundry and dishes with resting and elevation in between. I ran out of my Cymbalta Saturday morning, so tomorrow I’m going to the doctor to start weening off of it all together. I’m scared because I know that the Cymbalta helps tremendously with my depression, but I don’t want to be on any medication anymore. Ready to clean out my system (hence the Yogi detox tea) and be healthy. Any tips on natural antidepressants are seriously needed!

[caringforcrick]

Rock & Rest

(12/29/13) Thursday and Friday I laid in bed elevating my foot/leg and moving the ice pack around every 20 minutes. I’ve been feeling extremely lazy, but I got too excited about going out and doing things, and I overdid it. So yesterday, while Shea had to work, and to even things out, I did a few loads of laundry, a lot of dishes, and forced myself to break every 30 minutes or so. Then he took me to see Anchorman 2. He was excited about it because he loved the first one, but we were both so bored that it wasn’t worth staying once I got uncomfortable, so we left early. Today I woke up to Shea trying to be quiet, and I’m glad he didn’t succeed because it was 11:30am!! Talk about lazy! So I got up and helped with laundry while he scrubbed my bathroom, he deserves some praise for that for sure! Then we took the dogs for a walk, and with my walker that has wheels and a seat, I made it to the end of the street and back. We made a trip to DG for a few things, then came home to finish laundry and get my vitamins in my pill case, because I’m 80 years old now, obviously. Now I’m resting while he plays video games with my brother before bed. We’re partying way too much these days, we’re just out of control! :) But of course, it’s way better this way. I can’t wait until I’m independent and can do all things on my own, but I’m thankful for the lessons we’ve already learned. I love knowing I’ll never wake up with another hangover. I love knowing that if anything embarrassing comes out of my mouth, it’s because I chose to say it, not because Jack Daniels begged me to. I love being cigarette smoke free. I no longer hock up black stuff, wreak of stale cigarettes, have that nasty taste in my mouth, and my clothes and house smell so much better! And that’s just the beggining. I wish that it didn’t take such an extreme accident for us to learn all that we have, but I’m thankful for it. It sure brought Shea and I closer than ever, and we’re both lucky to know we have each other, and an extremely huge amazing support system. We sure are blessed and loved. I just pray you all know how much you are blessed and loved, and don’t need a wake up call like we did. And if you ever are feeling low and need a reminder of how awesome you are, let me know, because I can assure you, you are awesome! ;)

[caringforcrick]

I get migraines and stress/tension headaches. I’d rather try this than spend $90 on 12 migraine pills!!!

[caringforcrick]

Merry Christmas :)

(12/25/13) Monday morning Shea woke me up in a panic! Lola had bites all over her and they were getting bigger and bigger, plus she was walking weird. So we rushed her to her favorite vet. She had an allergic reaction to something, but we hadn’t done anything new or different, so we have no clue what it could have been. I had cancelled physical therapy with my grandparents, since they take me, but we got home from the vet in time so Shea took me. Now that I’ve been able to walk more on my right foot, we’ve been focusing on bending my knee, getting my toes to loosen up, and get motion back in my ankles. So now I have to use my ankle weights and do my strengthening exercises at home on the days I don’t go to PT. Yesterday morning Shea had to go to work for a few hours, then after he cleaned up a bit we spent the rest of the day just being completely lazy and just with each other. It was a perfect Christmas Eve getting to just focus on each other, ourselves, and the pups. This morning after Shea had AA, we had our coffee together and then headed to my mom’s. We were like the Brady Bunch, all packed in with our kids/dogs! We left about 5pm and stopped at my father-in-law’s just for hugs and I love you’s. The second we got home I got out my new essential oils kit and diffuser and got it all set up. I’m not sure if it’s the eucalyptus diffusing in the air, or the fact that I actually got them finally, but either way I’m a happy relaxed lady right now. :) I also got a new Hello Kitty coffee mug and a popcorn air popper! Shea and I love air popped over microwave bags so much… Tastier and healthier! Plus, my sister-in-law got me an As Seen on tv book with tons of ways to use baking soda, vinegar, and lemons instead of toxic household cleaners… I know, I sound like a hippy, but I love it. Shea and I are really lucky that all of our family members are so great about spreading out Christmas time together so no ones rushed trying to make it to the next house on time. We’re able to take our time and spend good, quality time with everyone. I hope you all have a merry Christmas and get more time and love than material things this season. :)

[caringforcrick]

I try to take at least 5 minutes a day to calm my breathing and thinking of all I’m grateful for. Shea and I incorporate more and more all natural home made products that are free of toxins. Making simple changes slowly are worth it, trust me!

[caringforcrick]

Still so blessed

(12/19/13) Besides physical therapy and an orthopedic check up, I haven't done much. I can't seem to get over being sick and I'm pretty sure I made my ear worse with the ear drops, and now I can't get into my doctor because I waited till the last minute and I go back to work again tomorrow. But at least I'm excited about that! I just hope I don't get anyone else sick! It's still going to be awhile before I can commit to being back on a serious work schedule, since I still have my surgery, recovering from that, getting a car again, maybe learning how to drive again considering it's been so long, and getting back to being fully independent. So until then I have to enjoy all of the things I've gotten used to and will miss. I may be going stir crazy after being confined for so long, but it's going to be hard leaving my dogs everyday after snuggling with them all day everyday, it's a luxury I'm now obsessed with. I'm going to miss being home when Shea comes home for lunch, and we get to eat together and talk about each other's day so far. And I will lose so much tv time, so I'm not sure who Beth's going to text all day about what's happening on our horrid trash shows, I'll be jealous if she finds someone else! I also need to get myself prepared for the real world again, slowly. One of my biggest flaws at the moment is getting my feelings hurt too easily. Before, it took a lot to hurt my feelings, and not much to piss me off. Now, my feelings are on an extreme roller coaster ride, and oddly, it now takes a lot to piss me off. While I like it this way so much better, I've really gotta get a handle on my feelings, because crap happens, and I need to learn to take it and just brush it off and keep going. Either that, or I need to wear a sign around my neck that says, "Do not hurt my feelings, I'm a hot mess and you will immediately regret it." ;) My orthopedic surgeon gave me permission to start walking on my right foot without my boot as long as I'm at home and extremely careful, it literally takes a good 5 minutes for me to get from my bed to the kitchen table, but it's an extremely big deal. Crazy to think that just two months ago I couldn't even walk on my right foot WITH my boot. So I took a shower for the very first time alone. No Shea, no shower chair, no walker. Just me, alone, door shut. It wasn't easy, and it wasn't without pain, but it was the best shower I've had in 9 months. I still have to remind myself not to take the tiny things for granted, because of course I can't wait until I'm just hopping in the shower without pain or worries of falling even crossing my mind, but it's important that I always remember how lucky I am to even be showering at all.

[caringforcrick]

Weekend Bed Rest

(12/15/13) Friday morning Shea and I took a road trip to College Station for my sister in law's graduation at A&M!! We're so very proud!! We stayed as long as I could possibly take it, and then headed back home, pulling in at midnight. Yesterday I woke up feeling pretty under the weather and ended up getting an ear infection. After tossing and turning all last night, Shea went and got me ear drops, then made me homemade waffles with delicious organic syrup. So far I've learned that the best way to get healthy is to transition slowly. I didn't just throw out everything and completely start over. I have to go slow so that I don't get frustrated because there's too much going on. Every small change helps. Like swapping my coffee creamer for milk, and next I'm switching to almond silk milk. I'm pretty obsessed with www.mindbodygreen.com and love learning new healthy ways. I'll usually post different articles that help or interest me, hope they can benefit you as well. I hope all my vitamins, rest, and ear drops help ASAP because tomorrow I have physical therapy for the first time in 2 weeks after all the icy weather. Sick or not, it's time to get back to it. Can't wait for all of my Christmas visits so we can see all of our families, but I haven't finished getting gifts so I'm sorta stressing! It's a good thing everyone will understand! ;)

[caringforcrick]

Find the Good

(12/12/13) Yesterday I had a pain doctor check up and it was the first time I left my house since last Tuesday thanks to the weather. Everyone was too afraid I'd slip on the ice and break even more bones. But now I haven't been to physical therapy in a week and a half. It's so much easier to actually workout if I HAVE to, and such a struggle to force myself to when I'm just home. I get my new yoga mat and ankle weights tomorrow, if they're actually delivered on time, so I'm excited about that. Other than that, I'm pretty boring as I wait to hear when I'm needed at work again and to hear from my maxiollfacial surgeon to schedule my next surgery. So hopefully I can start on my thank you letters soon! I swear my list grows every week, it's so crazy in an awesomely amazing way, that so many people literally all around the world has helped me in my progress. I just know I'm going to accidentally leave people out and I hate that because I truly am so beyond grateful to everyone. Every church that has me on their prayer list, every person that wrote me and prayed on their own, everyone that contributed to my fundraiser in any way... And so much and so many more! I really am blessed. I get asked a lot how I manage to stay so positive. Well, as I've stated before, I definitely have my moments of weakness, but all of y'all help keep me positive. The love and prayers that have been sent my way are the biggest reasons I stay positive. Everyday I wake up knowing its a miracle that I'm able to wake up. I think of all I have more than what I don't have. And literally every single stressful situation has a positive aspect, even if it's only one small thing. It can be difficult to remember that, but if you can stop worrying about the bad long enough to focus on the good, it really is worth it. And if you need someone to tell you the positives in a stressful situation, I'm really good at it, so lay it on me! ;)