#carbolic acid

[my-52-weeks-with-christie]

Caustic Candy: Florence McVean — A Victim Once Again?

Okay, I need to put a caveat/trigger warning ahead of this post: Acid attacks are a serious problem, and in no way shape or form am I discounting, disbelieving, or brushing aside the victims of these horribly violent attacks. In this post, I will discuss two singularly rare incidences which DO NOT reflect the vast and overwhelming majority of victims. In point of fact, these two cases are…

[if-you-fan-a-fire]

"TOOK POISON IN K. & P. STATION," Kingston Daily Standard. August 19, 1913. Page 1. ---- Mrs. Frank Redden Swallowed a Quantity of Carbolic Acid. ---- SHE IS STILL ALIVE ---- After Taking the Poison the Woman Asked Station Agent to Phone Husband's Cab Stand. ---- In an attempt to end her life this morning about ten o'clock, Mrs. Frank Redden, the wife of a well-known hack driver of this city, walked into the ladies' waiting room at the C.P.R. station and taking a bottle of carbolic acid from her purse apparently drank the contents. After doing this she walked into the office of the station agent, Mr. J. Flett, and said to him, "I have just taken a drink of carbolic acid, will you please telephone to No. 600 and tell them there." This is the cab stand on Clarence street with which her husband is connected.

The station agent 'phoned for the police and Constables Mullinger and Armstrong answered the call. They at once sent for Corbett's ambulance and a doctor. When Dr. Fee arrived he examined the woman and had her removed to the General Hospital in the ambulance. Her lips and mouth were badly burned by the acid but it is not known whether she swallowed very much of the contents of the bottle, although when it was picked up it was found to be empty.

She is still alive, but it is not yet known whether she will recover. The doctors, however, have good hopes.

After she was removed to the hospital two notes that she had written were picked up in the waiting room. One read, "Frank, come to the K. & P. station, I have taken poison," and the other, addressed to a near relative, said she had been driven to it.

Her husband was sent for and arrived at the station a short time after the constables got there.

[growthofcarsharingmarket]

Phenol, also known as carbolic acid, is a colorless, crystalline solid. It is widely used as a raw material in various applications such as plastics, resins, and adhesives. The increasing demand for phenol in the production of Bisphenol-A (BPA) for the manufacture of polycarbonate plastics and resins is expected to drive the growth of the global phenol market in the coming years.

[thats-by-the-by]

Wound Cleaning

This fic was crossposted on Ao3. Find it Here. Mind the tags

"Stop hissing at me." Jacob snaps, holding onto Evie's arm. "You're going to get blood poisoning if you don't let me clean this damn cut."

"It hurts." Evie whines, and Jacob rolls his eyes.

"Really?" Jacob says in a mocking voice. "I mean, seriously Miss Frye, I never would have guessed that pouring carbolic acid onto an open wound would hurt."

"Fuck off." Evie groans, leaning back into the seat. "You're such a cunt. This hurts, Jacob. Can't you hurry up?"

"I know, Evie." Jacob slumps his shoulders. "And it's nearly clean. How did you get so much gravel in your arm, anyways?"

"I was chasing George." Evie admits, brushing her hair out of her eyes. "Father had pulled you aside-"

"I'm well aware of the lecture I got."

"And George knew something about why he was in such a foul mood, and I needed to know, you know?"

"I know." Jacob says, searching around for some bandages. "Did you find out why Father is so upset?"

"Not much." Evie shrugs. "A few rumours from the other recruits, nothing from anyone else though. Apparently Father got some bad news."

"You still haven't told me about how you fell." Jacob says, pulling the bandage tight around her arm. "Did George catch you and throw you off the roof?"

"I slipped on a loose tile."

"What?" Jacob barks out a laugh, blinking a few times. "What do you mean, 'slipped on a loose tile'? We're sixteen, Evie, we outgrew that!"

"I know." Evie laments as Jacob finishes bandaging her arm. "Ouch, not so tight!"

"You slipped on a loose tile." Jacob sticks out his tongue. "I'm just worried my older sister will injure herself further, since she's so clumsy."

"I'm going to kill you."

"Try me."

[ravenpuffheadcanons]

WHY is Belle’s hair down in the 1850s IN AN OPERATING THEATRE though

[iii-days-grace]

image transcription:

A screenshot of an online article [from the Global Handwashing Partnership, Wayback link here]

As a result, Semmelweis imposed a new rule mandating handwashing with chlorine for doctors. The rates of death in his maternity ward fell dramatically. This was the first proof that cleansing hands could prevent infection. However, the innovation was not popular with everyone: some doctors were disgruntled that Semmelweis was implying that they were to blame for the deaths and they stopped washing their hands, arguing in support of the prevailing notion at that time that water was the potential cause of disease. Semmelweis tried to persuade other doctors in European hospitals of the benefits of handwashing, but to no avail.

/end description

[ohsalome]

What Ukrainians ate to survive Holodomor

(translated excerpts from an Історична Правда article): + images source

The villagers would dig up the holes of the polecats to find at least a handful of grain hidden by these animals. They pounded it in a mortar, added a handful of oilcake (from hemp seed), beetroot, potato peelings, and baked something from this mixture.

Those who managed to hide at least a little grain would grind it in iron mills made from wheel axles and cook "zatyrukha" (a concoction made from a small amount of flour ground from ears of grain).

Acacia flowers were boiled and eaten raw, and green quinoa was mixed with crushed corn cobs. Those who could - and this was considered lucky - added a handful of bran. This food made their feet swell and their skin crack.

The peasants dried the husked ears of corn and millet husks, pounded them, ground them with weeds, and cooked soups and baked pancakes. Such dishes were impossible to chew, the body could not digest them, so people had stomach aches. Pancakes, the so-called "matorzhenyky", were made from oilcake and nettle or plantain.

It went so far that peasants would crumble straw into small chips and pound it in a mortar together with millet and buckwheat chaff, and tree bark. All this was mixed with potato peelings, which were very poisonous, and this mixture was used to bake "bread", the consumption of which caused severe stomach diseases.

There were cases when village activists took away and broke millstones, mortars, poured water on the heat in their ovens. After all, anything found or saved from the food had to be cooked on fire, and matches could only be purchased by bartering for their own belongings or by buying them in the city, which was impossible from villagers that were on "black lists".

Chestnuts, aspen and birch bark, buds, reed roots, hawthorn and rose hips, which were the most delicious, were used as food substitutes; various berries, even poisonous ones, were picked; grass seeds were ground into flour; "honey" from sugar beets was cooked, and water brewed with cherry branches was drunk. They also ate the kernels of sunflower seeds.

Newborns had the worst of it, because their mothers had no breast milk. According to testimonies, a mother would let her child suck the drink from the top of the poppy head, and the child would fall asleep for three days.

In early spring, the villagers began to dig up old potato fields. They would bake dumplings from frozen potatoes, grind rotten potatoes in a mash and make pancakes, greasing the frying pan with wheel grease. They also baked "blyuvaly" (transl. "vomities") from such potatoes and oatmeal mixed with water, which was so called because they were very smelly.

They ate mice, rats, frogs, hedgehogs, snakes, beetles, ants, worms, i.e. things that weren't a part of food bans and had never been eaten by people before. The horror of the famine is also evidenced by the consumption of spiders, which are forbidden to kill in Ukrainian society for ritual reasons.

In some areas, slugs were boiled into a soup, and the cartilaginous meat was chopped and mixed with leaves. This prevented swelling of the body and contributed to survival. People caught tadpoles, frogs, lizards, turtles, and mollusks. They boiled them, adding a little salt if there was salt. The starving people caught cranes, storks, and herons, which have been protected in Ukraine for centuries, and their nests were never destroyed. According to folk beliefs, eating stork meat was equated with cannibalism.

The consumption of horse meat began in 1931, before the mass famine. People used to take dead horsemeat from the cemeteries at night, make jelly out of it and salt it for future use.

Dead horses were poured with carbolic acid to prevent people from taking their meat, but it hardly stopped anybody. Dead collective farm pigs were also doused with kerosene to prevent people from dismantling them for food, but this did not help either.

After long periods of starvatiom, the process of digestion is very costing for the human body, and many people who would eat anything would drop dead immediately out of exhaustion.

If a family had a cow hidden somewhere in the forest, they had a chance to survive. People living near forests could hunt/seek out berries and mushrooms, but during winter this wouldn't save them. People living near rivers could fish in secret, but it was banned and punishable by imprisonment/death.

[francixoxoxo]

𝐁𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐜𝐜𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐡𝐮𝐫𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟

Cooking was a lovely kind of art.

You created, to let others consume. Your creation directly filled the bellies and hearts of the people you cared for, the love sprinkled in the form of salt or sugar into the food is always evident.

Knives were no stranger. They were double-edged, not literally but in a sense; They were a tool, a clean-cut and a bit of a chef's best friend. Now, though, you'd hardly call your newly-whetted knife a friend.

Billy heard your screaming for him through the open window above the sink, Chantilly curtains blowing in the wind and framing your horrified expression as you looked down to where he could not see. He was in the yard, getting your little garden prepared for the spring so that you could skip the dirty work and go straight into planting your vegetables.

But that heartbreaking sound coming from your parted lips had him throwing the shovel onto the dirt, wiping the sweat from his brow and running inside. "What happened, what's wrong?" His voice was dripping with anxiety as his boots thumped against the hardwood. His shirt was long-discarded, the New Mexican sun too oppressive for unnecessary fabrics, his suspenders hanging around his thighs. The buckles of them clinked against the tile as he knelt next to where you sat, back against the cabinet.

A deep cut through your wrist dripped blood onto your house dress and the floor. Tears had only just begun to fill your eyes, the surprise putting them off until now. "My hand slipped, I-- I was cuttin' the eggplant, n' I just-"

"Okay, okay, yer fine. S'all fine, baby, just--" Billy cuts you off firmly, not without a poorly concealed fear behind his voice. His azure eyes are wide and buggy with a wild thing, the nerves that your pain always seem to induce in him. He snatches the dishtowel off the countertop, pressing it to your wrist where you'd sliced the skin. The side of your wrist was bleeding through the daisy yellow dish towel until the cheery color was vermillion.

It hurt terribly as he put pressure on the cut, you whined in pain. "That hurts, you're hurting me!" He winces, a deep grimace creasing his features.

"I know, I know, but you gotta put pressure," Billy cooes, one hand clutching the opposite side of your wrist to hold it still and his other holding the towel to the wound. If he wasn't already sweating outside, this whole ordeal would make him break a sweat.

Your mouth opened and closed wordlessly from the searing pain, Billy murmuring sweet words to you as the bleeding staunched enough for him to peel the towel away a bit. His free hand is both bloody and sweaty but it comes to hold the side of your hair regardless, he pulls you in for a lingering kiss to your crown. "Yer doin' so great, baby." Billy peers with drawn brows at the cut, making sure the towel is positioned so you can't see the damage. He shakes his head. "S' not that bad."

"Swear?" You sniffle, looking up at him and meeting his azure eyes. The soft smile that crosses his features soothes the nerves spiking like needles all over.

"Swear." Billy promises. "Don't even need stitches." He tells you to hold the towel down again as he stands, rummaging through the medicine cabinet for bandages and a little bottle of carbolic acid. He remembers insisting it was unnecessary, that alcohol does the trick, but you fought him down. As always, you ended up being right.

Billy isn't no medic, but he's pretty satisfied with how he wraps you up. "I ain't gonna let my woman go 'round without some good care." He'd insisted, his seriousness making a laugh bubble from your lips. A peck to your lips couldn't shut you up, but Billy didn't mind if it was at his expense; as long as he gets to hear that beautiful sound.

"I'm sorry, this is so stupid." You huff, closing your eyes as Billy cuts the end of the bandages with his teeth. He snorts, shaking his head at you and pressing a careful kiss to the material above the cut. It's a weird kind of tickle, one that wouldn't feel pleasant if your heart wasn't tricked into fluttering by the handsome man in front of you.

"Aint ever stupid when it comes t'you."

[turbulentscrawl]

Since the topic of body hcs and body hair hcs overall...may I ask what do you think survivors smell like? I've seen some people differ and I just wanna know your thoughts ;w;

Also, we've gotta be honest. They *will* stink at times, specially after matches. But hey that's only but natural so *shrugs*.

They definitely smell more distinct than I think we'd be used to in general, yeah. And I DON'T think most of them smell unique enough to say how they're different from others, specifically, but there are a few things to consider, if we're looking at it a little more realistically:

More regular cleanliness was becoming normal in the 1800s, when most of the survivors were from, but the actual frequency of bathing varied by class and career. Showering daily still was not common until the 1900s, though. Even without any concerns about water supply in the manor, I would imagine most of them average a full clean-up maybe twice a week? A little more for those who get into actual filth on their days off. (looking at Emma, since she digs in the dirt and spend a lot of time outside.)

Deodorent was not invented until 1888, and didn't become popular until the 1930s or so. And most early deodorents didn't come with much in the way of additional scents, rather they just killed bacteria that caused excess body odors. Most of the people in the manor would not have used this, except perhaps the latest arrivals like Frederick and Alice. Instead, before deodorant, people took steps like shaving their underarms to prevent more sweat and bad scents, and used products like perfume and talcum powder to freshen up and get rid of odors.

Fancier soaps were around in the 1800s, but were used sparingly and economically. The lower class especially would have made their own ashen lye soap to bathe and wash their clothes. (Which, if you've never smelled unscented lye soap, is not pleasant to the nose imo. It's a bit of a pungent chemical smell, mixed with the scent of whatever the soap base was, which was usually lard and olive oil.) More expensive soaps could have been made from things like almond oil, coconut oil, or goat's milk, plus herbs or extracts for something much better smelling.

There's not a ton of hard labor to do in the manor, which would keep some people from working up so much of a sweat, but there's not likely an AC there. On the plus side, I don't imagine there's too much weather fluctuation in the manor for the sake of keeping the passage of time as confusing as possible, which also means it's not getting too hot. Most of the temperature changes you experience would be on the maps. I also don't think a lot of the Hunters would sweat! Any of those who have been dead and were brought back probably don't perspire anymore, though they may have the slightest hint of something off about them.

In short...yeah there's definitely more BO than we're used to in most modern settings. Most of the people in the manor are going to smell pretty natural--which won't always be offensive to the nose, mind you, since they say the smell of someone who's right for you will smell GOOD--plus some talcum/baby power or perfume scents to 'soften the blow' a bit. (Though it wasn't really in fashion to DROWN yourself in perfume by most of these peoples' time, so I think only a few people might lay it on too thick. Mary or Vera, for instance.)

And some people probably maintain very small scent hints about their professions or lives before the manor, just to distinguish them up close. Luchino has a touch of carbolic acid on his clothes, from sterilizing tools in the lab. Norton still smells of coal and minerals, just a touch. Victor smells a bit like sun-heated dog due to walking around outside all day with Wick, and Ithaqua like snowy pine trees from his years wandering and guarding winter woods. You get the idea.

I won't say who I think smells the worst or the best because that;s just too subjective--especially since I've revealed I don't like the smell of lye which is probably what most of them would have used LOL. But I'm definitely not one to say 'let's fully suspend our disbelief and say Naib smells freshly showered and uses Old Spice 😜'.

[dark-frosted-heart]

Roger Barel Main Route - Chapter 8

As usual, can’t guarantee 100% accuracy on this. I’m doing this for archiving purposes and you can probably find a better translation out there.

Entrusted with an undercover mission for Crown, Roger and I headed to a village in the countryside.

We were about to unveil the true identity of the Spirit God who claimed to hold great power when— 

Roger: Did you never learn to let people finish talking while you were in your mama’s womb? Sure, treatment for tetanus isn’t widely available. But if you don’t have it, then you make it.

Spirit God: You can’t possibly…

Roger: As a former doctor, I can.

Spirit God: A…doctor? Lies. You’re just saying that to take my place…

Roger: …Shut it.

Roger cut the man’s ranting with a sharp yell.

Spirit God: …

Roger: While you’re so busy ranting, this little girl’s gonna…die.

The anger in his eyes gave me chills.

(That murderous intent is…incredible)

(...Ah, I see now. Roger’s furious)

(I’ve never seen Roger’s emotions be…laid so bare)

Child’s mom: ……her. Please just save her…!

A powerful cry shook the air.

Holding her dying daughter in her arms, the woman looked at Roger with pleading eyes.

—The man called the Spirit God had his hands bound with rope, and the villagers kept watch over him.

We were given a room where we started working on refining a treatment for tetanus.

Liam: Roger, I brought the drugs you asked for from the storehouse!

Roger: Perfect, thanks. We gotta get the lil’ girl comfortable. Hurry.

Kate: On it!

Roger removed his vest and started looking over the medicine collected.

(There’s not much I can do, but I want to help in any way I can)

Kate: I’ll sterilize the test tubes. You can use carbolic acid, right?

Roger: …O_O

(Huh? Was I wrong about carbolic acid…?)

Kate: Um…Roger?

Roger: I thought you were getting up to something at night. Turns out you were studying medicine.

A large hand ruffled my hair.

Kate: …

I felt like Ale receiving pets.

Despite that…I felt my heart beat a little faster.

Roger: You’ve saved me the trouble. Thanks, Kate.

Kate: No…it’s just some knowledge I crammed in my head. You’re still going to have to guide me.

Roger: Then I’m gonna make you do a lot of work.

(Why am I so happy…to receive praise from Roger?)

Somehow, my heart was beating differently than usual.

(No, no. Knowledge is a part of strength. I was just happy that I got a little stronger)

(...but)

—After selecting some drugs and running tests, a tetanus treatment was refined.

Roger: Alright…now we just need to run clinical trials and then we can give it to people.

(Doing clinical trials means…)

Kate: You’re going to test it on healthy bodies to study the effects.

Roger: That’s right. This time it’s to see if it’s safe to take.

Liam: I’ll do it, Roger. I’m healthy, but if anything happens, it’ll just be to me.

Liam raised his hand first and Roger gave a wry smile.

Roger: Liam. You think I’d just let you give in to your “bad habits”?

Liam: Ah…

Curiosity—that was Liam’s curse.

Roger: Too bad for you. I’m feeling thirsty.

With that said, Roger took the bottle of medicine in one gulp.

Kate and Liam: Eh!

After being stunned by Roger’s bold move, I came back to my senses.

Kate: Roger, what are we going to do if something happens to you!

Roger: It’s fine. My body’s stronger.

(Is it really okay…?)

I was feeling both confidence and doubt toward Roger.

But the man himself…

Roger: We’re gonna have to wait a bit for it to take effect. I’m gonna take a nap. Kate, wake me up in an hour.

With that said, he crashed on a bed— 

Kate: Huh, Roger?

Within a few seconds, he started snoring.

Kate: He…fell asleep…?

I blinked at how fast he fell asleep and Liam laughed.

Liam: Hehe, you couldn’t kill him if you tried. I’m going to check on the villagers. Kate, I’m leaving Roger in your care.

The door closed, leaving Roger and me in the room.

When I sat on the edge of the bed, Roger’s hand fell from his chest onto my lap.

(He’s really asleep…)

His gloved hand was large and bony.

I gently touched his fingers which laid vulnerable on my lap.

(This hand’s killed before)

(And it’s kept many people alive) 

The way Roger’s living, it's like he holds life and death in his hands—a terrible contradiction.

There’s no way a man as smart as him didn’t see that.

He’s an egoist with a rifle as if carrying the sin of killing, claimed to be a former doctor, and lived in darkness.

(...Roger, what are you trying to do with Crown?)

~~ Flashback ~~

Kate: What are you researching, Roger?

Roger: Cursed Ones—and how to rid the word of them.

~~ End flashback ~~

(Did he perhaps mean—)

I shook my head, trying to gather my thoughts.

(...No, let’s not jump to conclusions)

No matter how much I thought about it, I’d never reach the truth about Roger.

(At least, not with the way I am now…)

--

Roger woke up without any issues.

The tetanus drug was given to the infected girl and the villagers watched— 

The girl woke up just as the sun rose.

Roger: …Pulse is normal, no numbness in her limbs. Looks like the medicine did its job.

(Thank goodness…!)

Mother’s child: Thank you so much. You’re a god.

Roger: …Me, a god? Don’t make me laugh. I’m just an ordinary human as you can see. If I were a god, I would’ve rid the world of all its absurdities.

(...Roger?)

Cold eyes betrayed the warmth in his words.

But then  it disappeared in an instant.

In its place was a cynical smile.

Roger: Humans can’t become gods, no matter how hard they try. That’ what makes them so interesting.

Spirit God: …Argh, shut up!

A yell interrupted the peace in the room and we all turned toward the source.

Kate: Huh, Spirit God?! I thought he was captured and kept under watch…

The sudden appearance of the Spirit God confused the villagers.

Man of the village: When did you get free?! Everyone, run.

The Spirit God, who seemed to have escaped on his own, had an ominous smile on his face as the room fell into chaos…

(He’s coming this way…)

I tried to run, but he jumped at me from behind.

Kate: Eek…!

Roger: Kate.

Roger, who was standing by the girl, tried to reach for me, but it was too late. I was captured by the Spirit God.

Liam: Kate…

Roger: …

Spirit God: If you don’t want this woman to be killed, forget everything you saw in this village! That way, I can live as a god again.

(What a mess…Still, he’s surprisingly strong.)

(...What do I do)

His arms wrapped around my neck, cutting off air.

In my desperation, I looked up and met Roger’s gaze.

Roger: …

While everyone else turned pale, Roger was the only one smiling.

(...Huh? Why are you smiling…at a time like this?)

“You’ll get stronger, right”—the amber color happily threw at me.

(T-this guy…!)

(But…)

It’s better to be amusement than to be looked down on for being useless.

(Calm down…and remember what you learned about self-defense from Roger)

~~ Flashback ~~

Roger: Step two, what to do when someone holds you.

Kate: Hey, wait. What should I do?

Roger: Hey, I told you that trying to force your way out’s gonna make it worse.

First, go limp, like a puppet that just got its strings cut.

~~ End flashback ~~

I calmed my mind and released all tension from my body as I exhaled.

Spirit God: …What the, you got heavy all of a sudden.

(Now.)

While the Spirit God was confused, I pushed his arms up from below.

Roger: Well done, Kate. Now keep leaning forward.

The moment I escaped the Spirit God’s hold, Roger took over.

Kate: …!

A powerful jab in the jaw knocked the Spirit God unconscious.

(His eyes rolled back. He’s completely out…)

Kate: A one-hit K.O…What’s with that brute strength?

Roger: I didn’t tell you? I’m a heavyweight boxing champ.

Wow…

Really?

You’re one heck of a guy +4 +4

Kate: Hmm… Wait! You’re just casually mentioning that you’re a heavyweight boxing champ?!

Roger: Haha, amazing, aren’t I?

(He’s not joking. He really is one heck of a guy…)

I would’ve loved to spend an hour or so asking him about boxing, but I had something else on my mind.

Kate: He’s not dead is he…?

I checked the Spirit God for a pulse.

Kate: Ah, he’s breathing…

Liam: He’s breathing, but won’t wake up for a while. Well, it’s for the best.

(He’s not dead, which is good for now…)

No matter how evil a person was, seeing them die before your eyes left a bad taste in your mouth.

Blonde child: …Mr. Glasses.

The girl seemed well enough to get out of bed and approached Roger.

Roger: Hm, what is it? Does it hurt anywhere?)

Blonde child: No. Um…Thank you…For making the pain go away. And…thank you miss and Mr. Pink…

Kate: I’m glad you’re feeling better.

Liam: Mr. Pink. How cute.

Roger: You’re welcome. This is the best reward I’ve gotten.

--

After waking up, the Spirit God admitted to all his crimes and was sent to the police.

Victor arrived later and told us that the village, which had closed itself to the public, would now open up with financial support from Her Majesty.

As for me—

After parting ways with Victor, who stayed to clean up the mess, and Liam, who volunteered to accompany him, Roger and I boarded the train back to London.

From outside the window, twilight dyed the sky.

Roger: Pfft, haha.

Roger, who sat across from me, suddenly burst into laughter.

Roger: The look on that guy’s face when you slipped out of his arms was a masterpiece.

(Thinking about it…)

A smile formed on my lips as I recalled the Spirit God’s dumbfounded expression.

Kate: Heh, hehe… Wait, why am I laughing. I thought I was about to die.

I glared at Roger, but he just smiled and propped himself up against the windowsill. 

Roger: Sorry, sorry. But the way you handled self-defense techniques honestly had me impressed. Not to mention you secretly studying medicine. So Kate, close your eyes.

Kate: …Don’t do anything weird, okay?

I closed my eyes after that warning.

…Then, I felt fingers touching my neck.

(Lace? It feels like a thin tie…but it’s nice to the touch)

Roger: You can open your eyes now.

Kate: …

I slowly opened my eyes.

Roger: …

Through the reflection of his amber eyes, I saw myself wearing a lovely choker.

Kate: This is…

Roger: A collar of course. You’ve now been promoted from dogsbody to pet. Congrats.

Next

[vraisetzen]

Ooo I see! Glad to be the one who asked then 🤭 how about Kokupuffs reaction to reader getting hurt/wounded by another demon whilst she was away on a mission as a hashira (more-so if thought to be followed in the same storyline of one of your written work ‘Notte stellata”; when Koku’s twisted need and lust for the reader just began, like in the early chapters, seeking her out at night, only now finding her returned with wounds from an earlier encounter, the other demon’s scent reeking off of her, almost replacing his own markings upon her body..? (As if it’s some pest messing with HIS ‘prey’, if it makes sense)

Or, perhaps, any smutty, yandere type short fic of Michi in a modern au setting and reader? (TBH, would love to see more yandere Kokushibo or Michikatsu x reader fics/hcs💔 love to see just how they’d depict he’d act..)

𝑼𝒏𝒅𝒆𝒓 𝒀𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝑺𝒌𝒊𝒏 — 𝑨 𝑲𝒐𝒌𝒖𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒃𝒐 𝒙 𝑹𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒆𝒓 𝑰𝒏𝒔𝒆𝒓𝒕

Authors's Note: Thank you for the request! I recently completed a Yandere!Kokushibo fic (that you can find here, if you have not seen it!), but I also wanted to go back to your first prompt, which was too good to pass up — writing Kokushibo in the early parts of Notte Stellata was such a throwback!

Tags: NSFW, 18+, Mature content (steamy, but no smut), Mentions of blood and wounds, No use of (Y/N), Early Notte Stellata interlude — but it can definitely be read as a standalone!

Summary: Kokushibo is a little more possessive than he would let on.

One of the things you dreaded the most after a mission was tending to your wounds; even though you were a Hashira and therefore escaped the worst of any demon attacks, especially those on the lower end of the hierarchy, it was inevitable that you returned home, some way or another, with a scratch or two — nicks on your arms from snagging your sleeve against a thorned bush, scrapes on your knee from dodging a Blood Demon Art.

It was part and parcel of your creed, and you had long become accustomed to sitting in the darkness of your kitchen, lit by the flame from the stove, as you dabbed these small wounds with a soaked linen cloth of carbolic acid before wrapping them up in bandages. Unlike Sanemi, you took no pride in the scars that littered your body; as a young woman, they invited too many unwanted stares and questions from older women in town, and thus you took extra care for them to heal properly.

The back doors to your kitchen swung open with a bang, shaking the windows and rattling the pots in a frazzled din. Startled, you turned your hear around in fright, eyes wide as you beheld the silhouette that stood in the whipping wind and the light of the moon, hands hovered between tucking the bandage around your arm and throwing the bottle at the intruder.

Kokushibo crossed from the moonlight into the threshold of your house, his grand stature partly aglow by the same flickering balefire that cast your wounds into clarity. Gathering yourself, you returned to your bandages, slipping the knot beneath the layers as you kept your eyes on him. Though Kokushibo never extended you the courtesy of a greeting on his visits, his silence, coupled with his wandering gaze as he took in your presence, seemed to precede something withheld on his end.

There was a sizzling tension in the air not unlike the running currents you felt when standing beneath an electric lamp — a trepidating heatwave that lingered closer to your skin than static. The layered strands of Kokushibo's hair stood in a dark halo around his fearsome countenance, the all-seeing look of his eyes depthless and revealing not a single word. Your gaze studied his dark expression, breath hitching as you cleared your throat, breaking the spell of silence that fell over the two of you.

"It's alright; nothing more than a scratch," you assured to nobody in particular; you had no idea why you chose these words — only that you felt the need to shatter the frost that had glazed over the both of you.

Kokushibo took a step forward, the hem of his hakama brushing against your bare calves as he glared down at you; typically you would have caved under the intensity of his overwhelming presence, your knees folding beneath the weight of his unnatural gaze, but you kept your feet planted firmly on the floor, your hands curling into fists.

"Would you like to wait inside?" you added — another redundant statement. "I'll be re-"

A squeak escaped you when Kokushibo suddenly lunged for the juncture between your neck and shoulder, burying his nose into your collar and taking a seething breath. His exhalations fanned hotly over your skin, and at once you clung onto the front of his kimono to stop yourself from being knocked off your feet.

"Wha-?" you eeked out, but your words were cut off by him once more as he gritted into your ear:

"Who was it?" he demanded, arms wrapping around your back as he tugged you close against his broad chest, the heat of his body seeping through both your clothes. A trickle of sweat rolled down your neck as you released a shuddering breath, words failing to come forth.

"Who?" Kokushibo pressed, the thrum of his baritone sending a shiver down your spine.

Then, without warning, he placed his lips over a nick on the side of your neck, drawing a hiss from you as the sting of his tongue painted over the salty tang of broken skin. The groan that escaped his lips was one of displeasure as Kokushibo tightened his grip on your shoulder.

You knew instantly what he was referring to — the demon who had drew these nicks and grazes on you. In truth, it was no more than a lowly creature, dispensible with a few draw of Breaths and the quick slash of your blade; but he had been rather troublesome, his Blood Demon Art being some small, seed-like bullets that he expelled from his clawed nails. You had managed to dodge most of them, but the ones that had caught on your uniform had dug into your skin, stinging as much as an ant's bite.

Could the lower demon have left his scent on you? An Art, perhaps, for him to mark his victims and trace them in the event they tried to escape? As far as you were concerned, you could not smell a single offensive note on you. Kokushibo's response, however, suggested otherwise. His scarlet irises glowered at you as he expected your answer.

You took a deep breath, hands loosening from the front of his kimono. "Just a demon. A weak one."

"And you killed him," Kokushibo said, more as a confirmation of fact than a question.

Despite your flustered state, you were rather affronted by the insinuation of his words. "Of course I did — I am a Hashira, you know."

"Good," Kokushibo groused, angling his face to bestow a line of kisses across your jaw, each more insistent than the last. His hair tickled your chin, while yours on the nape of your neck prickled in anticipation when he finally landed on the corner of your lips. "Because I would have killed him myself had you not."

With those words, he sealed his lips over yours, stealing any words of protest from you. His fingers brushed up your arm to where you had tucked the knot beneath the coil of bandages, unfastening it with a dismissive flick of his wrist. The strips of cloth fluttered down between your feet.

Kokushibo took a step forward, and then another — cajoling you back until your tailbone hit the wooden counter. His hands were impatient, but sturdy, as they undid the silver buttons of your uniform and revealed your pallor beneath: smooth, though marked by small flecks of red from where the tiny cuts had already dried. Conscious of how he was looking unflinchingly at you, you hovered your hand over your front, uncertain of how to proceed as your ear suffused a deep pink.

It's not as bad as it looks, you wanted to say, although you know that your wellbeing was the least of his concerns. The darkness of Kokushibo's gaze deepened as he edged forward, placing his parted lips on your neck once more; this time, you felt the scrape of his canines on your skin, and you tensed in anticipation.

Yet, the sting of his bite — so familiar when he decided to be rough with you — did not come. Instead, Kokushibo suckled over the small marks peppered over your skin, breaking them again with his lips as if drawing poison from a wound; he lavished wet kisses over them as he drifted over your front, ripping your underclothes with the ease of running his fingers through a field of silvergrass.

One by one, he pored through each mark no matter how small, leaving no patch of your skin unturned as he tasted the fresh scars and replaced them with his own. On your thigh, you felt the twitch of his cock as it stirred with arousal — and once more Kokushibo growled, this time rich with hunger and lust. The bare salt of your skin, together with the tang of your blood, was an alchemical potion of desire, turning his irritation into shadowed passion with each bite and lick.

You released a shuddering breath as he coaxed you backward still, his hands slipping from your perked nipples and the tense planes of your belly to the back of your thighs. In one heave, Kokushibo guided you onto the table; keeling backward like a cornered lamb as he encroached forth, you spread your legs for him to stand between them.

You dared not cast your eyes down to your front despite the cloud of desire that shadowed your bodies for fear of glimpsing the bruises he left over in place of marks you gained. Instead, you met your gaze with his and licked your lips, your pants coming in sharp bursts.

Tipping your chip with his index, Kokushibo kissed you fiercely on this mouth — the table creaked beneath your weight and his sudden movement, and you clung onto him for fear of tipping over. But he remained steadfast as you seized the opportunity to divest him of his kimono, shrugging them inelegantly over his shoulder and tugging them down his arms.

With a careless toss, you threw his clothes to the side, and instantly hear glass crashing.

Pulling away sharply, you looked over to find that, in your haste and clumsiness, you had brought both the bottle of carbolic acid and Kokushibo's clothes to the floor. The air reeked of antiseptic, and you pushed yourself up with your hands.

"I need to clean this up," you muttered as Kokushibo leaned forward, nonchalant to the mess you made.

"That can wait," he beckoned, a hand firm on the small of your back to hold your frame against his. As if to reiterate, you felt the pulse of his erection along your inner thigh, in tandem with the first twinge of arousal in your sex. "Come."

His offer was almost impossible to resist, and you felt your arms slacken for a hair's breadth before clearing your addled thoughts with a few forceful blinks. Palms on his chest, you said: "No, I have to — there's glass all over the floor. What if we hurt ourselves?

"I won't."

"But I could."

The kitchen was stark silent as Kokushibo took in your words, and you wondered if you might have taken a step too far; his eyes, amber with dilated irises, seemed more frightening than ever, though you could now read beyond the words carved on them. He was not angry, no; he had not been when he had seen those marks on your body, and while he might have been bristled by this unexpected interlude, you remained silent and firm.

Eventually, Kokushibo took a step back; he shirked himself of his underclothes, and retreated further until you could slide off the table. Briefly, you looked up at him through your lashes, and caught a clandestine second where his eyes dropped for a split second to your body, the language behind his gaze unchanged, a tome's worth of words that you have only begun to decode. But with a flutter of his lashes, you found it indecipherable once more, their definitions slipping from your outstretched fingers.

You contented instead with grabbing a rag from the counter to sop up the spill.

"Don't keep me waiting," he said, with hardly a glance back at you, slipping past the kitchen doors to where your bedroom awaited.

Thank you for reading! For my longer writings, visit my AO3 here.

[literaryvein-reblogs]

Writing Analysis: East of Eden (Cultural References)

IWW: IWW stands for the Industrial Workers of the World, an international union which achieved the height of its membership and power in the early 1920s. Colloquially, they were known as the Wobblies and were primarily focused on promoting the interests of the world’s growing class of industrial workers.

Woodmen of the World: fraternal organization founded in 1890 which also functions as a private insurance company for its members.

Bindle-stiffs: colloquial for migrant workers; hoboes.

Paregoric: 18th and 19th century home remedy with varied uses (diarrhea, cough suppressant). Main ingredient is opium. Was available as an over-the-counter drug in the United States until 1973, when it was classified as a narcotic and is now only available by prescription.

Iron Wine Tonic: a tonic used to regain strength. Contained wine and iron citrate.

Lydia Pinkham: an herb and alcohol based tonic name after its inventor. Used to alleviate menstrual pains.

Carbolic Acid: also known as phenol. In small doses, is used in the production of many common cosmetic products. In large doses, it is a poison.

Epsom Salts: magnesium and sulfur compound. Can be used as a laxative, but is also used for bath salts.

Castor Oil: odorless and tasteless oil from the Castor plant. Was a popular home remedy for constipation.

Model T: first mass produced American automobile by Henry Ford’s Ford Motor Company. Fifteen million Model Ts were produced between 1908-1927.

Magneto: an electrical generator. For the Model T, a flywheel magneto produced alternating currents of electricity to a coal and could be considered the equivalent of a modern day alternator.

Quartermaster Corps: a logistical branch of the U.S. Army providing service support, such as material (including ammunition) and food distribution, and field services such as repairs for showers/laundry/clothing.

Faro: a card game.

Fan-tan: popular Chinese casino game similar to roulette.

Hayburner: slang name for a horse.

Source ⚜ Writing Notes & References

[thedepthsoffandomminds]

Episode three - Dead men's secrets

You sit at Charlie's bedside, his small hand in yours.

"Nurse Hatty, could you listen to his chest, I'm sure there is something wrong?" You ask the head nurse. She puts down the sheets in her hands and walks over, picking up a stethoscope. The cold brass makes the boy flinch.

"you may be right. Give me a moment I'll fetch the Doctor." She darted off.

"It's okay Charlie boy, the doctor is coming." You reassure him.

Jack was there swiftly, listening to his chest and checking his pulse and temperature.

"He shouldn't be dying." Jack sighed. You stand and round the bed coming to his side, taking hold of his arm.

"Is there nothing you can do?" You ask. Jack's eyes dart to your hand.

"Here comes Princess Witch Face." Hetty whispered. Your sister came rushing up to you both.

" Doctor, can I see you in the morgue?" Jack followed her pulling you along beside him having scooped your hand into his elbow. The morgue was a sight you had wished you would never see and the smell was just as bad. Belle darted around grabbing up a cloth from one of the bodies.

"The cloth was on his wound and the infection's gone. Look. There."

"The what?" Jack asked.

" The cloth. Had carbolic acid on it. Look, no rot." Belle repeated.

"Right, so...?"

"So, I've done some reading, all night, actually, and there was a chap called "Pasteur"."

"Pasta?" You laugh at the confusion in his voice.

'Pasteur." You repeat the name.

"Like, French pasta?" Jack joked.

"Discovered something called "germs". Microbes. Causes fermentation in wine." Belle explained.

"Right. Except, we're not making wine." You calrify.

"But then, Lister..."

"Who?" Jack interrupted.

"Lister at Edinburgh Royal connected microbes to infection. So, if fermentation and infection are caused by an organic property rather than spontaneous generation or miasma..." Your sister went on.

"Is there a translation of all of this?" Jack looked back at you.

"We can cure infection with carbolic acid." Belle finished

"This might save Charlie." You say with hope.

"The acid we use to treat sewage?" He looked between the two of you.

"Exactly. Look at the cloth line." She pointed to the corpse on the table. Jack looked closely at it, how the infection seemed to have begun to heal before he'd died.

"Hmm. We need to cut him open and see whether your cloth's stopped the rot beneath the skin." He announced.

"Clearly. I've never cut a man before." She states looking at the scalpel he offered.

"You can't hurt him any further." He smirked, handing the scalpel to Belle, "wait, y/n are you okay staying here for this?" He asks. Both Belle and you smile.

"I am not squeamish, Jack." Settling yourself on the stool across the room. Jack looked between the two of you.

"The two of you are something else." He sighed. The pair worked easily to open the corpse and peer inside. Curiosity took over you and you walked closer.

"This is how it all works. Somewhere in there is how we think, and feel and love. And die?" You say, Jack looks at you. Belle does not miss the adoration in his eyes.

"It is so much more than plumbing" she pulls his attention back to the job.

"No rot." She says triumphantly.

"Let's test it on Charlie." You suggest.

"No, wait." Jack stops you both. " What these... What did you call them?"

" Microbes." Belle reminds him.

" Right. How do we know they exist?"

"We postulate. Based on the symptomatic presentation..." Belle began to explain.

" Words. Use words." Jack huffed

"We can't see them, but we know they're there." Belle matched his tone.

"So, you want to kill invisible bugs with an acid usually used to treat raw sewage?"

"Yes."

" And your only proof of this, so far, is from some books and this corpse, which can't feel any pain." His words deflated your excitement.

"I've read all about this. Trust me." Belle implored him.

"The boy is dying." You say.

" No, except I don't! But I might, given more time and with further proof, but I just had to teach a procedure that a half-drunken teenage apprentice could do blindfolded."

"Yes. And the shock of an acid burn might kill him even quicker."

" Do you care about him at all?" Belle asked.

" I care very deeply. Find a way of making carbolic acid work without injuring him, then you can use it on Charlie. Until then, the answer is very much "sod off." Jack marched toward the door.

"How dare you speak to me like that?" Belle turned to him.

"I do apologise. Sod off, Milady. And I speak to everyone like this." He went to storm from the room.

"Jack?"

He sighed turning back to you.

"I'm sorry." He held his hand towards you and you took it following him into the main corridor.

"She can do it." You say to him.

"If you believe in her, then so do I. Maybe you could help her with it?" He suggests.

*_*_*_*_*

"It's too strong. It's still too strong." Belle sighs. She had covered the kitchen table with a number of dead pigs and carbolic acid. You had been watching her for hours as she worked.

"Where is the coconut ice?" Fanny asked looking at the mess

" I think it's under the pig. Could I borrow one of your arms?" Belle spoke absently.

"Of course not. Will you two ever stop with these experiments and look for husbands?" She said annoyed.

"I'm sorry Fanny, my sweet little sister. Take your Mr Smales and your ladies to the ice shop." You say handing your purse across to her.

"Oh, thank you Sister. That is very generous of you." She turned and rushed her friends out.

Happy to be alone Belle went back to her experiments as you watched. After a few more hours the pigs no longer burned so she decided to try it on human skin, pulling her dress up.

"No, you need your legs. Try it on me." You say.

"y/n I can't."

"I'm the eldest, you do as I say." You lift your dress up and put your foot on the chair, revealing the skin above your knee. Holding her breath Belle poured the acid onto your leg. It hurts instantly, burning you. Trying not to scream you rush to the sink and place a cold cloth over the burn. It didn't help you needed more help so you ran outside where an ice bucket was standing. You grab it up into the cloth and rest the ice against your skin. Belle followed you seeing her sister playing with her perfume bottle.

"I have an idea." She says, the two of you rush back to the house. Grabbing another perfume bottle from Fanny's room.

*_*_*_*

You had left Belle to continue her experiments with the acid and rushed into town to find Jack. You wanted desperately for him to have faith in your sister's work. The sun was beating down on you and your leg stung below the cotton of your bloomers. You had already been to the hospital and been told Jack was out so you were walking the streets searching for him. Hope was leaving you until you spotted him amongst the crowd in the market. Not too far away you see Darius stepping onto an orange box. He announced a chance for a contender to fight against Aputi.

The Doctor turns away, as the large man begins to pursue him. Thinking quickly you rush towards him.

"There you are." You say loudly.

" Lady y/n, Please let me escort you." He takes your hand and places it around his arm.

" Are we going to talk about the enormous man pursuing you?" You ask, glancing back at Aputi.

" Er, no. Let's not."

"And you're hurt. Here, come on." He pulls you into a side alley and drops down in front of you. Without thinking he begins to pull up your dress. The shaky breath that leaves you makes him look up, "Sorry, is this all right?" He asks.

"Right. Belle has had a breakthrough with the acid." You announce

"Clearly. Look, your dress is dissolving." He points to the broken silk of your skirt. "Oh." You press on the wound without thinking, flinching at the pain.

" I don't see how else you'd fix it." You say. With a nod he rolls the material up and uses a salve from his pocket. With two fingers he rubs it on to your skin, it's stings at first but as he rubs the pain lessens. You both look at each other. The intimacy of the moment catching in your throat.

"Belle knows how to stop it burning." You say trying to steady yourself as he raises to his full height.

"She can test it on Charlie when it's ready. I trust you." He whispers before darting away, leaving you flustered.

Belle missed dinner that evening, you made excuses for her feeling unwell; knowing for well she was at the hospital. You hoped little Charlie was doing better with the help of Belle's acid. You had already decided you would visit first thing in the morning. As you sat around the table your father was talking about the payload being stolen, something clicked in your brain.

Part four

[aishangotome]

Roger Barel: Chapter 8

Chapter 7

♡———♡

Crown's undercover mission took Roger and me to a rural village.

The true identity of the Spirit God, who held absolute power in the village, was about to be exposed.

Roger: Didn't your mama teach you in the womb to listen to people until the end?

Roger: It's true that the tetanus cure isn't available to the public. But if it doesn't exist, we can just make it.

Spirit God: That's impossible...

Roger: It's possible for me, a former doctor.

Spirit God: A doctor...? You're lying! You're just trying to take my place...!

Roger: ...Shut up.

Roger sharply rebuked the ranting voice.

Spirit God: ...!

Roger: While you're yelling, this little girl... will die, you know?

His angry gaze sent chills down my spine.

(Such intense killing intent...)

(...Oh, right. Roger is angry.)

(I've never seen Roger show his emotions so openly before...)

Child's Mother: ...Please...

Child's Mother: Please, save my child...!

Her strained voice trembled in the air.

Holding her dying daughter, the mother's eyes looked pleadingly at Roger.

---The man called the Spirit God was tied up with rope, and the villagers were to keep watch over him.

We were given a room and started working on refining the tetanus cure.

-

Liam: Roger, I brought the medicines you asked for from the warehouse!

Roger: Perfect, thanks. We need to relieve that little girl's suffering quickly. Let's hurry.

Kate: Yes!

Roger took off his jacket and started looking through the collected medicines.

(There's not much I can do, but I want to be of some help.)

Kate: I'll disinfect these test tubes. Carbolic acid can be used for disinfection, right?

Roger: ............

(Huh? Did I make a mistake in how to use carbolic acid...?)

Kate: Um... Roger?

Roger: I thought you were doing something at night, but you were studying medicine too?

His large hand ruffled my hair.

Kate: ...!

His touch was like when he petted Ale, Roger's dog.

But even so... I felt my heart beat a little faster.

Roger: It's helpful, thank you, Kate.

Kate: No... I'm still a novice, so please give me instructions.

Roger: Alright, then I'll use you to the fullest.

(Why am I... so happy just from being praised by Roger?)

The sound of my heart beating, thump-thump, was definitely different from usual.

(No, no. Knowledge is also a form of strength. I was just happy that I became a little stronger.)

(...Probably.)

--After selecting the chemicals and conducting numerous tests, the tetanus cure was refined.

Roger: Alright... Once we conduct clinical trials, we can actually administer this.

(Clinical trials mean...)

Kate: Testing on healthy subjects to examine the drug's effects, right?

Roger: Exactly. This time, we want to see if it's safe to drink.

Liam: Roger, I'll drink it. I'm healthy, and even if something happens to me, I...

Roger gave a wry smile to Liam, who had raised his hand first.

Roger: Liam. Do you think I'd easily fall for your "bad habit"?

Liam: Ah...!

Curiosity - that was the curse placed on Liam.

Roger: Besides, it's too bad. I was just thirsty.

With that, Roger gulped down the cure that was in the bottle.

Kate and Liam: Wh-What!?

After being stunned by his bold drinking, we came to our senses.

Kate: Roger! What if something happens to you!?

Roger: It'll be fine. I'm sturdier than you guys.

(Is he really okay...?)

Half of me trusted Roger, and the other half didn't.

But Roger himself...

Roger: We need to wait a while for the effects to show. Alright, I'm going to take a nap.

Roger: Kate, wake me up in an hour.

With that, he flopped onto the bed.

Kate: Huh, Roger?

He started snoring within seconds.

Kate: ...He's... asleep?

As I blinked in surprise at his swiftness, Liam laughed.

Liam: Heh, you can't kill him even if you try.

Liam: I'm going to check on the villagers.

Liam: Kate, please take care of Roger.

The door closed, leaving Roger and me alone in the room.

I sat on the edge of the bed, and Roger's hand fell from his chest onto my lap.

(He really is asleep...)

His gloved hand was bony and large.

I gently touched his fingertips, resting defenselessly on my lap.

(These hands have surely killed people before.)

(And they've saved many lives as well.)

What Roger does seems to hold both life and death in the palm of his hand - a stark contradiction.

He, with his sharp mind, must be aware of this contradiction.

An egoist who carries a hunting rifle as if bearing the sin of murder, calls himself a former doctor, and lives in this darkness.

(...What is Roger trying to do in Crown?)

*flashback*

Kate: ...What kind of research are you doing, Roger?

Roger: I want to erase the cursed ones from this world.

*flashback over*

(Could those words mean...)

I shook my head, trying to organize my thoughts.

(...No, I shouldn't try to find the answer only in my own head.)

No matter how much I think, my thoughts won't reach Roger's truth.

(At least, not the current me...)

After that, Roger woke up without any problems.

The tetanus cure was administered to the suffering girl, and under the watchful eyes of the villagers...

As the rising sun dyed the air, the girl opened her eyes.

--

Roger: ...Her pulse is normal, no numbness in her limbs. The medicine worked.

(Thank goodness...!)

Child's Mother: Thank you! You are a god!

Roger: ...Me, a god?

Roger: Don't make me laugh. I'm just an ordinary human, as you can see.

Roger: ...If I were a god, I would erase all the absurdities that plague this world with my own hands.

(...Roger...?)

His eyes were cold, betraying the warmth in his words.

But the expression vanished from Roger's face in an instant.

Instead, a sarcastic smile appeared on his face.

Roger: Humans can't become gods, even if they stand on their heads. That's what makes it interesting, isn't it?

Spirit God: ...Sh-Shut up!

Everyone present turned around at the roar that shattered the peace.

Kate: Huh, the Spirit God!? Wasn't he supposed to be captured and under surveillance...?

The villagers were also in an uproar at the sudden appearance of the Spirit God.

Village Man: Wh-When did he get out of the ropes!? Everyone, run!

The Spirit God, who seemed to have escaped on his own, had an eerie grin on his face in the midst of the chaotic room...

(He's coming towards us...!)

He pounced on me from behind as I tried to run away.

Kate: Kyaaa...!

Roger: Kate!

Roger, who was beside the girl, reached out his hand, but I was caught by the Spirit God before he could reach me.

Liam: Kate...!

Roger: ...........

Spirit God: If you don't want this woman killed, forget everything you saw in this village!

Spirit God: Then I can live here as a god again!

(What nonsense... But still, what strength...!)

(...What should I do?)

The arm wrapped around my neck was stealing my air.

I desperately raised my face and met Roger's eyes.

Roger: ...........

While everyone around us turned pale, only Roger was laughing.

(...Huh? Why is he laughing at a time like this...?)

His amber eyes gleamed with amusement as if asking me, "You want to get stronger, don't you?"

(This man is...!)

(But, but...)

---It's better to be amused than to be underestimated for being incapable.

(Calm down and remember... the self-defense techniques Roger taught me.)

*flashback*

Roger: Step 2, what to do when you're hugged.

Kate: Huh, what am I supposed to do in this situation!?

Roger: Hey, hey, I told you that trying to force your way out is counterproductive.

Roger: First, relax your whole body. Imagine yourself as a puppet with its strings cut.

*flashback over*

I calmed my mind and relaxed my body all at once as I exhaled.

Spirit God: ...Wh-What? She suddenly got heavy...

(Now's my chance!)

The moment the Spirit God panicked, I pushed his arm up from below.

Roger: Kate, well done. Now crouch down.

The instant I escaped from the Spirit God's arm, Roger stepped in...

Kate: ...!

A powerful jab hit the Spirit God's chin, and he collapsed unconscious.

(His eyes are rolled back, he's completely out...)

Kate: A one-hit KO... How strong are your arms?

Roger: Didn't I tell you? I'm a heavyweight boxing champion.

--CHOICES--

Wow...

Are you serious?

You're incredible...

---------------

Kate: Wow...

Kate: Wait! You casually mentioned you're a heavyweight boxing champion!?

Roger: Haha, impressive, right?

(He doesn't seem to be joking. He really is an incredible person...)

I definitely want to grill him about boxing for an hour or so, but there's something else I'm curious about first.

Kate: He's not dead, is he...?

I put my finger on the Spirit God's neck to check for a pulse.

Kate: Oh, he's breathing...

Liam: He's breathing, but he won't wake up for a while. Well, maybe it's for the best.

(As long as he's not dead, it's okay for now...)

Even if they're a villain, it leaves a bad taste in your mouth to see them die in front of you.

Blonde-Haired Child: ...Glasses... brother...

The girl, who seemed to have recovered enough to get out of bed, approached Roger.

Roger: Hmm, what's wrong? Are you in pain somewhere?

Blonde-Haired Child: No. Um... thank you for making the pain go away...

Blonde-Haired Child: And thank you to the sister and the pink brother too...

Kate: I'm happy you're feeling better too.

Liam: Pink brother, huh? That's cute.

Roger: You're welcome. I've received the best reward.

-

The Spirit God, who had regained consciousness, confessed to all his crimes and was sent back to the police.

This closed-off village would now be opened up with financial support from Her Majesty-- reported Victor, having rushed over with the news.

And I...

--

I parted ways with Victor, who said he would take care of the aftermath, and Liam, who volunteered to accompany him. Roger and I boarded a train heading back to London a little earlier.

The twilight dyed the scenery outside the flowing window.

Roger: ...Heh, haha.

Roger, who was sitting across from me, suddenly started laughing.

Roger: That guy's face when you slipped out of his arms was priceless.

(So that's why...)

Remembering the dumbfounded look on the Spirit God's face when he didn't understand what had happened, a smile also appeared on my lips.

Kate: Heh, hehe...

Kate: That's not something to laugh about! I thought I was going to die!

I glared at him, but Roger continued to laugh, resting his cheek on the window frame.

Roger: My bad, my bad. But honestly, seeing you use the self-defense techniques so well was impressive.

Roger: And the fact that you were secretly studying medicine too.

Roger: So, Kate, close your eyes.

Kate: ...Don't do anything weird, okay?

I closed my eyes after giving him a warning.

...Then, I felt fingers touch my neck.

(Lace? It's like a thin tie... but it feels really nice.)

Roger: You can open your eyes now.

Kate: ..........

I slowly opened my eyelids.

Roger: .............

In his amber eyes, I saw my own reflection wearing a cute choker.

Kate: This is...?

Roger: It's a collar. You've been promoted from chore girl to pet dog, congrats.

.

.

.

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Chapter 9

If you’d like to support my translations, feel free to buy me a coffee here! :)

[charleslee-valentine]

Carbolic acid, and a poison face

wordcount: ~7,500

warnings: abuse, physical abuse like slapping and beating, verbal abuse, period typical ableism, incorrect disability terminology, mean-spirited, cannibalism, unknowing cannibalism (tricking into eating people meat), Drayton Sawyer is his own warning.

description: A bond between the Hardesty’s mother, and Drayton, on account of Franklin’s condition. Spina Bifida is thought to be influenced by certain nutrients, including liver enzymes. Let’s say she knew this, and came to the best traders of meat in town; her neighbors, the Sawyers.

Idea proposed by my buddy Leslie over at @pierrot-fish! Thank you for giving me permission to write this based on your thoughts!!

Also on ao3!

____________

The first time anybody realized the Sawyer twins had no sense of what spelled danger, was as soon as they started on walkin’.

First time Drayton found their little cots empty, he just ran. He knew damn well they couldn’t be far, little fuckers still toddling ‘round barely long enough to cross one room. Was halfway between impressed and scared shitless to find them outside. The stronger of the two trying to drag his brother on his knees to the sunflowers to play.

Took ‘em ‘til they were past toddlerhood to get that far, still babbling nonsense but easing into all the affairs usual for almost three year olds. Makes perfect sense the second they was mobile they’d take off for more fun than a couple cloth dolls and wooden figurines could give ‘em. Adventure. ‘Bout to drive Drayton plum fuckin’ crazy with their adventures.

That particular instance knocked his sense out with anxiety so bad he didn’t even beat ‘em for it, just took ‘em back to bed and blocked their door with a few railroad ties and a ratchet strap around the handle.

Give ‘em a few years and he’d take those diapered little bastards over the worse hellions they become any day. ‘Stead of runnin’ off for the at least fenced in backyard, they’s makin’ for the road by five years old.

Their daddy took the same high road and left, just as quick as Drayton’s had, but it don’t seem right, that it’d be instinct to run off in the street. ‘Bout then they hafta admit them boys in general ain’t right.

Drayton’s the first baby of the fam’ly, but he knows from the stories mama tells what they s’posed to act like. Knows better from watchin’ folks ‘round Newt with’n their little ones. Prob’ly seems all kinds ‘a wise, but he’s just the observer- “stay quiet boy!” more’n well instilled in him.

Damn it he knows he’s stubborn, won’t give up that strong arm he were raised up with, but he likes to think he’s easy on them twin boys. When one of ‘em starts screamin’ their head off ‘cause it’s too dark inside the house an’ their itchin’ at their arms an’ worse, they get these headaches ‘hind their eyes, he takes ‘em out to burn off steam.

Won’t never take an eye off them when he ain’t at work, the only time mama or grandma’ll take over that role. That’d just be askin’ for some kinda accident, endin’ in two tiny caskets. Can’t do that again. Bury another kid. Mama done that enough, all her unfortunate pregnancies.

Out front is where the boys like best, ‘cause it’s got room to kick up dust from the driveway. Nubbins is still unsteady on his feet, bumblin’ ‘round like some kind of a deer with brainrot, but his brother’s runnin’ ‘round him in circles, some made up game prob’ly.

In the corner of his eye, he sees movement, figures it to be mama at first returnin’ from wherever the hell she been off to ‘fore the sun shown itself this mornin’. Flash of blondish-hair tells ‘im it ain’t.

Got a good knife for skinnin’ next to him on the stoop, crawlin’ his hands toward it slow-like fore he freezes entirely. Just the neighbor woman, swollen up pregnant from the looks of it, creeps her way forward, ignoring the boys past a faint smile. Hard, when they’re both squealin’ like hogs, but she manages. She’s gunnin’ straight for Drayton on some mission she’d already decided.

“Mr Sawyer? I don’t hope to be a bother, intrudin’ and all-“

“Don’t call me that-” Drayton touts, on the defense, before he catches himself. Clearing his throat halfway through, he stiffens out, feigning pleasantries, “Pardon. My grandfather, he’s the man of the house. Ain’t got enough wisdom goin’ ‘round to be callin’ myself by no honor-ifics. You- You call me Drayton now, ma’am.”

Neighbor woman gives him a nod, but it’s soft around the edges, ain’t a commitment. “Alright, Drayton then. You might know me as your next door neighbor. Mister Enright’s daughter.”

Wary, Drayton tries to get a glimpse at her cards ‘fore she plays ‘em.

“I know your business anyhow. Was our meat kept Newt from sinkin’, but I figure it’s y’all with the- the wool trade and the plants y’all got, that’s what’s doin’ any good.”

Much as he might hate the playin’ nice with strange folk, he’ll always hate the killin’ worse, so he’ll keep doin’ it. Prob’ly makes him seem honest anyhow, talkin’ down on his own trade like that, though this Enright girl don’t know the details she thinks she does.

“Oh, it hardly brings money.” She waves it away, hand coming to sit at the junction of her belly. Guess he assessed it right then, that she’s with child.

“Don’t I know it. That slaughterhouse, it’s rotten work, miss. Cain’t never scrub clean of it. Don’t like it, but it’s gotta be done. Way of the world, I s’pose.”

“That’s exactly why I’m here Mister- um.. Drayton.”

Now that certainly gives him pause. Goes stiff as a bloated corpse himself, “No, no, no ain’t a woman’s- Don’t mean no disrespect- my grandmother, this business put her through Hell, workin’ her til’ her bones was as weak as the beeves after their bout in the freezer. Women-folks is good for that kind of ruin.”

“No, I’m not looking for work. You see I’m with child-“ If she heard Drayton scoff, on account of already knowin’ such, she ignores it, feedin’ him the explanation she’d clearly done practiced, “My baby, they’ve done all sorts of tests on me, and they think my little one’s gonna be brought up sick.”

Ain’t gonna lie and say that doesn’t remind him of his own brothers. The gaunt little creatures they always‘ve been. Mama’s mama took one look at the shape of her belly and knew they was tangled up in there wrong, and what d’ya know, nine months later one of em come out with the damn cord ‘round his throat. Figure gettin’ an actual hospital involved oughta be even more of a science by now.

“..That right?”

Frazzled woman she is, starts a ramblin’, “Yessir. There’s this curse on our family, been around since at least my dear great auntie. Spina Bifida they call it. I don’t want my baby to be that way. We bless the memory of the others with it and love ‘em every day but, it’s the pain I want to avoid for my little one. Oh Drayton, could you imagine the fear of losin’ your boys before you even knew ‘em?”

This time his scoff is more like a barely choked back laugh. “My boys? You think them rotten twins is my boys. Woman you’re mistaken outright, those are-“

“Your brothers. Yessir, I understand that much, but it’s you raised ‘em up so well. I remember hearin’ their wailing from down the way, look at ‘em now and you’d never know what they went through. That’s what I want for my baby.” She pleads with him, reaching both of her hands for one of his.

Drayton lets her hold ‘em there for a moment, before slipping out of her grasp. His arms curl into his body like a mantis, easing off the greasy feelin’ of skin to skin contact on his dry cotton shirt.

“I don’t s’pose you think I got some fancy medical degree.”

At first she seems baffled, until it hits her she never finished her explanation before lettin’ her emotions build up too far, “I’m here about the meat, remember? They say it’s something with the liver that’s low. My body is deprivin’ the baby as it is. Some essential parts from the meat might help. And I’d like to buy some from y’all here.”

“Well that, I can do. Yes, ma’am.”

Out of that little request comes a deal, and a friendship.

It surprises Drayton that she keeps comin’ back, after skippin’ off with her prize in crumpled brown butcher paper the first time. Figures it’s either helpin’, or she’s convincin’ herself it is, to come back and deal with his attempts at social interaction. Not like socializin’ is easy when for him, it usually ends in untimely demise.

As far as his expectations, this arrangement only gonna last ‘til the end of her nine months, and considerin’ she was halfway along when they first met, it ain’t too long now.

The hope is just that it ain’t too late, gettin’ these things in her body to save that little baby.

Next couple times she comes, he learns her name is Gloria. She crochets tiny sized blankets and clothes to decorate a baby’s nursery in her free time. And she don’t have any intentions of just takin’ her medicine and leavin’ well enough alone.

It’d damn be rude to turn her comp’ny away. Plus it don’t hurt to have a hand with the boys, since ain’t another Sawyer gonna lift a finger to do it. Only one that would is Gramma and she’s been gone, at least mentally, a while now, bless her heart.

Gloria wasn’t trained on dolls the way plenty of little girls is how to change diapers and mix bottles and all that, or maybe that’s her excuse to spend more and more time over the house and practice it on the twins.

Probably so, since Drayton clues in on a secret- This far along, she’s gettin’ antsy for peace.

A fine hair brush in her hand, she’s tendin to the twins’ hair after they got into the jagger bush and got it all tangled up. But she’s talking to Drayton while she works it through, “You sir, don't seem like you’ve ever been afraid of anythin’.”

“Missy, been afraid so long I don’t got nothin’ to show for it.” He kicks at little Robert’s tiny boot gently as he goes to sit down, but the boy lunges up to retaliate, wailing on Drayton’s shin with tiny toddler fists and screamin’ nonsense. The adults ignore it except for adjusting their volume, “‘Tween the boys poppin’ out with no heartbeats to fightin’ every day to keep ‘em goin’, jus’ don’t think I feel much at all no more.”

“Was hopin’ you’d say somethin’ a little less glum. Is that selfish?” There's these deep purple halos of exhaustion under her eyes. Drayton looks away from her when she looks up at him and downright pleads, “I just can’t do it alone.”

Feels wrong, somethin’ about bein’ civil with her at all, let alone bein’ her shrink. But the girl’s got a good heart and Drayton knows he’d be a damn fool to bruise it on purpose ‘stead of bein’ a friend. Still, a little distance is customary.

“Hell, now you got yourself a brother or two and a nice little husband. A mama and a papa too. You’re set, little lady, don’t wanna know nothin’ about ‘alone.’”

She sends Nubbins along and calls Robert back from his battle his big brother’s attention, brushing through his hair next. Each tangle that manages to undo is like another tug at the plug keepin’ all her worries welled in, “I’m still the only one carryin’ this little one. And when my baby is born, if this didn’t fix it... I don’t know.. I’m half convinced they’ll reach right on up in me and take away my chance at ever havin’ a second child if I mess this one up.”

An idea so ridiculous strikes Drayton he downright chuckles, “Get my mama as your midwife ‘n there’ll be shotguns up their asses ‘fore they could even try all that.”

Gloria seems to take it serious, “But she knows what it’s like. Maybe it could be for the best.”

“Mama don’t actually know a damned thing about parenting her own childr’n. Stand up for just about anyone, ‘cept her own little boys. Best you can do is promise me now, girl, you ain’t gonna treat yours that way.” Was it bitterness and anger that caused the wobble in his words, addin’ years to his voice that he ain’t even lived yet? That and a little bit of grief over what he never had.

“Not ever. I wouldn’t be livin’ off half raw beef livers and about ten glasses of orange juice a day if I felt that way.” When Gloria promises it, he knows it’s true. That girl couldn’t lie if she had to. “I really am tryin’. I’ll be honest and say, if it weren’t for the desperation I wouldn’t have bothered comin’ out this far. Long time ago your grandfather made it clear we wasn’t to trespass.”

‘Course he would. Don’t got much say on the matter now without the strength to get up outta his chair. Drayton waves it off, “Grandpa don’t know what he’s talkin’ bout neither. You jus’ keep on. Eat the soft parts, the fillin’s, ‘n your body gonna be alright. I always say the parts that goes to waste is the best of it anyhow, folks just like the feel of that other stuff.”

“Lord, I see why. how do y’all keep that down on the regular?”

“Well I could give you the recipe book… Or- Hell, woman you’re ‘bout burstin’, the hell’s I thinkin’- I’ll fix somethin’ special up for ya, get that little one strong. Don’t got long now ‘til it’s here.”

Her faint smile slips away further ‘til her expression is mostly a grimace. “Don’t I know it, God almighty.”

“You religious, huh?” Drayton wonders before his sense can kick in to remind him it’s inappropriate to ask that. His attention slips down to the floor, to the game his brothers started playin’ with their hands, to avoid looking at her, in the case that she gets all offended.

It’s well known the Enrights are Godly folk, probably why Grandpa was so curt with them those years back. The Sawyers seen it as a fairy tale all along, refusing to fill their children’s heads with such things. All they believe in is the power of the sledge, though miss Gloria Enright probably counts as a convert of that belief, since she’s the one eatin’ the gizzards for the sake of her child.

And it’s true she ain’t as devout to the Lord as the rest of her family, giving a bashful sort of shrug, “Not the way you’d think. Not the way the others is.”

“Smart girl.” He gives the faintest smile, voice lilted with a special bit of pride. Good to know she’s gonna hold her own even after this kid is born and she’s on her own again.

But it seems to shock her, when she ain’t bein’ talked town to after admitting that defiance. She questions, “You don’t believe?”

The twins get up and run off, losing any sense of interest in sitting around listening to this, even though the hairbrush is still tangled up in Bobby’s inky hair. Drayton hears one of them coughin’ through their laughter in the next room over, wheezin’ when he tries to scream with the other. Makes up his mind perfectly well, “Can’t. Could never grasp why any child would be afflicted that way if the man upstairs could help it.”

“Havin’ this sickness around us brought us together though.” She points out gently. Her stomach has gotten too big to lean over much, but she manages to nudge Drayton in his shoulder. It’s a friendly gesture, but it causes him to tense up anyhow, averse to touch.

His question is fittingly bitter. “That worth it?”

“I dunno. You tell me, Drayton Sawyer.”

Turns out it’s unavoidable. Worth it or not they gotta deal with what comes.

He gets the phone call in October.

“So it worked, heh? Don’t figure you’d be callin’ me up if the news were bad.”

Egotism aside, he should’ve noticed Gloria’s sniffles as he answered, the background noise devoid of a baby's cries.

She snaps him into that reality quick with a brutal sob, “You’d be wrong then. Oh, you got no idea Mr. Sawyer- Drayton- I can't call nobody else. I just can’t tell ‘em yet.”

Now that’s got him thinkin’ the worst, gone from leanin’ against the gossip bench to snappin’ bolt upright, spine stiff against the expected tide of grief, “Well? You gonna tell me then?”

At least her panic ain’t so severe she cain’t explain it, gettin’ some answers out between her anguish. “My baby. He got it too. I knew it as soon as they started pullin’ ‘im out ‘cause of the pouch on his back, got all caught up.”

“Don’t reckon I know ‘bout that, girl.”

“Lord, you don’t want to. It’s just horrific. The baby, his little spine is well- it’s formed wrong- that’s.. that’s what the disease does, the spine don’t fuse. Now there’s fluid on the outside like some God-awful vicious blister. But that’s his feeling; the movement in his legs, the nerves, it’s all bundled up in there and it ain’t able to work. They’s doin’ a surgery on ‘im now, won’t see him ‘til the morning.”

Well he can imagine it clearly just from that. For a long minute Drayton just sits there dumbfounded by it. Can’t imagine any world so cruel where a woman can know the probable cause and do her damndest to fight it, and still end up this way. And to be neighbors with a woman like his mother that goes around spreadin’ her sort of sickness on purpose. Makes him feel sick and shaky and clammy all over.

“I’ll send y’all my prayers.” He chokes out attempted sympathies, knowin’ that’s what she’d hear from her folk if she called them.

Only, she didn’t call them. She called Drayton and that was certain deliberate. “No. No you ain’t sendin’ nothin’. I need a friend. My only friend. To be here.”

Drayton knows already he’ll be there by the end of the night, but murmurs all the same, “See what I can do.”

Lucky Gloria can read him just as easy.

“...Could you bring the boys? They’d probably love to see the baby.”

Feels like another wave of the cruelty they been drownin’ in to remind her of their disease. Transferable, unlike some deformity. Normally he’d be agitated, but he can’t blame the woman for focusin’ on a different issue when it came and fell right in her womb the way it did.

“They’ll just get ‘im sick.”

“Oh that’s right... But you’ll come, won’t ya?” She sounds awfully hopeful through the static of distance.

He’s already to his feet and grabbing his hat with the phone held up by his shoulder, as he answers, “I said I’ll see.”

Of course he had come then, with leftovers from supper. Gloria never stopped crying that day even over chicken soup. Or for the next few months, for that matter. Could’ve gotten a diagnosis of her own for that, were she willing, but she didn’t leave her home, didn’t dare risk exposing her poor baby to a world that would be so cruel to him already. Not until his surgery scars healed anyhow.

Unlike Drayton with the twins, she couldn’t set that boy off on his own. Can’t roll over on his own, or kick his legs or sit up. Ain’t just walkin’ he’ll never do.

She names the kid after her father, but that seems about awfully cruel when the bastard won’t even hold the child. Drayton’s got the kid on his front porch ‘fore the rest of his own family cares to know him.

The twins are just about five now and a lot behind most kids their age, but they think the kid is a doll. Nobody knows it yet, but when their baby brother comes along in half of another year, they’ll treat him the same, except with actually bein’ allowed to hold him.

Drayton won’t let them close to the Hardesty boy, not willing to run that risk.

Gloria finds it terrible, startin’ when she witnesses him backhand Nubbins for snaking past him to get his sick little hands on that innocent little, already broken baby.

Her view of him changes from that day on.

Except whether or not he’s a good friend, or even a good person, he’s still a friend, and he’s the only one she can confidently say doesn’t hate her for havin’ a fucked up kid.

So they drink sweet tea in the dry heat and let their kids play together every Sunday, once they’re all old enough, when the rest of her family is at church and Gloria stays home with Franklin, on account of his little wheelchair not fittin’ in between the rows of pews. Might get away with sitting him in some corner if he weren’t such a sensitive kid. Wanted to be close with his mama all the time.

Little Franklin never did have a chance to not be attached to her at the hip. Fragile heart barely concealed by a crippled body, a family that turned their back on him all except a few. Despite his mama bein’ reserved with the Godliness in her time, that kid clings to it like a lifeline. Prays and prays over every little mistake and bump in the road under his wheels. Scared to death he’s gonna be struck down and cursed over nothin’.

Drayton wonders if he should feel responsible for that. Gettin’ his mama involved in the family’s business the way he did by feeding her that horrible meat. If maybe the kid was cursed and he’d been the one to do it.

At least he knows who’s protectin’ him. Won’t ever play for more than a few minutes before he’s he’s throwin’ looks over his mama’s way to make sure she’s got an eye on him. Smart as he is anxious.

“Don’t know whatchu was so worried about. Your boy's doin’ just fine in that new little chair.” Drayton encourages her, when the kid ages out of his first wheelchair into one he can steer all on his own.

Takes him a while to adjust to playin’ with the growin’ twins, but he manages it, somehow. They treat the front yard like it’s the size of outer space, just tearin’ the hell out of it while they run and run. Or wheel, for that matter.

Gloria narrows her eyes at Drayton but don’t turn his way, attempting to hide that grimace in her glass, “Mm. Well I’d say the same but it ain’t quite true.”

“I hear you there.” Drayton sighs too hard it hurts his bones, exhaustion settled deep in them from workin’ all the mornin’, all the while his littlest, but no longer exactly small in his toddler years, brother stays hanging off of him. “If it ain’t the twins fallin’ half-witted and diseased it’s the baby wailin’ his damn head off.”

Here comes the reason for the tension she’s been swallowing back with watered down tea. “You oughta get them checked, fallin’ behind so bad. Or at least the baby.”

“He’s fine.” Drayton dismisses the idea immediately.

Only he knows it ain’t true. Just don’t got the money to do anything about it.

Gloria, she had them doctors tellin’ her how to fix her baby all from a couple tests. Advice that costed her thousands, and the boy was still born wrong. Can’t go takin’ that risk when it would end them up in the poorhouse. The boys’d get treated alright, but they’d get turned over to the state if he couldn’t pay the bills for it. Maybe he’s a fool, but to Drayton, that ain’t even close to worth it, no matter how much it would help.

But they play just fine. They love each other just fine. Forget milestones and their speakin’ skills and all, so long as they ain’t brain dead completely it's a non-issue.

That ain’t the way Gloria sees it. She urges him, “Some problems is invisible to us. My Sally for example.”

Makes him scoff at her. Sally’s the baby of the group of ‘em all, still in her infancy. The others can’t learn how to speak or walk right, but she’s still too little for it. Givin’ up hope too early, he thinks.

“Girl ain’t got a thing wrong with her.”

“You’d think that. But she gets these night terrors, worse than any bad dream, just zoned totally out in her little crib. It’s like the Devil’s got her or somethin’.” Gloria gives a stubborn nod, watching Drayton shrink back, just a little, from being corrected.

He’ll keep it to himself that he still don’t quite believe her word for it. Just chides, “Lock her door at night. They start to wander when they’s like that.”

“So I’m right that the twins understand that.”

“Uhn. Just Nubbins. Don’t need a doctor to tell me he’s knocked sideways like his mother. Schizophrenic.”

Gloria clicks her tongue at him, earning a quick flush of shame. She scolds him like he’s one of the children, “Oh, I wish you wouldn’t call him that.”

“Schizophrenic?” Drayton knows he’s puffed up like a turkey, offended by the notion that yet again he’s doin’ something wrong.

Giving the tiniest flick of her eyes upwards, as frustrated as Drayton is now, she tells him, “No, that’s just his reality. I mean Nubbins. It’s cruel.”

‘Cause he’s stunted. At his age he’s half the size he’s s’posed to be, left behind by his identical twin when it comes to growin’ up. Guess that makes it wrong to call him small. But he don’t see it that way, so Drayton defends it, “Told you before. Chose the nickname himself! Don’t think ‘a himself a damn lick diff’rent than most. Stumped up or not.”

“But that would be like nicknamin’ my Franklin by ‘cripple’ or somethin’ worse.” Gloria tries to get him to see it her way, but that only makes Drayton double down.

She wants to get drastic, he can do that. He turns cold like a stone sinkin’ under water. “Maybe you oughta. Toughen him right up. Been whinin’ enough-“

“Alright, hold your tongue! You can’t make me regret lettin’ you and your brothers into my babies’ lives, no matter how hard you try it, damn it!” That woman can yell ‘til she’s pink in the face, voice strainin’ to not get too loud between each heavy breath. Her pearly pink nail on the end of her finger hovers inches away from the tip of Drayton’s nose, a warning. “I ain’t your mother, and neither are you, and we both know damn well you love those kids so you can stop pretendin’ it’s all an inconvenience to you!”

Don’t know how to put it to words, the way that makes him feel. Mostly irritated, but not by her. By his own shame. By his weakness, for even listenin’ to what she was lecturin’ him about. Shouldn’t let it get to him so bad.

To bury that feeling, he extends the olive branch again, without looking up at her, “Put some lemon in the tea today. Sweeten it up. Know you like it that way.”

“It’s alright. Apology accepted.” But she sighs. Don’t sound grateful.

Things get awkward quick these days. The kids don’t stop growin’, so their curiosity don’t either. Drayton thinks they’s playin’ too rough, racing Franklin back and forth in his wheelchair and jostlin’ him around. Little thing is laughin’ his head off, but all the same. Can’t say much though lettin’ the babes down in the yard too, on a quilt and right in the line of chaos. Already had to reprimand them for treatin’ the little ones like a couple ‘a dolls. Both keep a close eye to make sure they don’t get too close to the babies.

Now and again, his nervous glares shift to Gloria, tryin’ to see what she thinks without showin’ too freely he cares.

One time she catches him looking and interrupts the building paranoia, partly anyhow.

“We still on for supper next week? My brothers’ll be over after church, I’d really like for y’all to come by. I’ve told Boude about your kids some- he’s the particularly religious fellow. A ranger- I think he’d like to meet them.”

Drayton for one don’t like the sound of that. Charity from most folk just comes out soundin’ like torture, makin’ even feedin’ poor miss Hardesty those organs sound Saintly.

“Heard‘a exorcism killed some little girl. Turns out there weren’t no devil in her, just some family illness. Don’t want no maniacs like that around them.”

“It ain't like that. Sometimes when you pray for somebody, it’s to have someone in your corner through the struggles, not just to wish ‘em away.” Gloria spells it out for him.

“God left this farm a long time ago, Missy. You used to know that. Why you think all these kids keeps turnin’ out this way?” Drayton knows she still feels the same about the faith, only acting accordin’ to the plan her family’s got for her with raisin’ those two little ones of hers, but she pushes back anyhow.

“Look, I don’t believe it either, so maybe that’s just the fate of it. Maybe even God was the one that knew I’d need help from your slaughterhouse and gave our children a beautiful thing to bond over.”

“Right. ‘Cause it’s so nice they’ll never learn to read, or live on their own, or understand how really dangerous runnin’ in the street is. Thank your Christ Almighty for that. And while your at it, kiss ass about Bubba’s tongue-tie too. Been real helpful havin’ that little one half-starved ‘cause his own body won’t let him eat.”

There’s real hurt in her face. Like she’d been hit, or maybe worse’n that. She pleads, “Drayton. Enough.”

The guilt of snappin’ at her starts to eat him alive. He tries the tactic from before, the reachin’ out in simpler terms. “Added just a pinch of milk to the tea too. You’d think the lemon would curdle it but-“

She shuts him down with all the viciousness of a feral animal. Anger and somethin’ much uglier bubblin’ under the surface, tricklin’ out as a tremor in her hands she couldn’t hide if she wanted. “I said enough.”

They’re starin’ each other down like two rabid coyotes, deadlocked over which is gonna say somethin’ nasty first.

Gloria’s little boy takes the honor of breakin’ things up, wheelin’ hisself right over with a confident, and clearly rehearsed, question, “Mama, can I stay the night, please oh please with sugar daisies on top? Nubbins told me his room gots spiders, and I wanna see ‘em.”

“Honey, is his room up the stairs? You can’t get up there if it is.” She points out for him. The adults know it’s an excuse to put just a little more distance between them and the Sawyers.

“Oh..” Little’s Franklin’s curly head hangs with disappointment, ‘til he thinks of somethin’ new to ask. “But Mama, we got stairs over home and I get up them jus’ fine?”

Gloria breaks away from Drayton to lean over her boy, get on his level without crouchin’ down and makin’ an ordeal of it. “Because your daddy carries you, silly.”

“Mr. Sawyer could carry me.” He looks past his mama and directly at Drayton as he says it, in this same habit as his mama used to be with the formalities. Difference is the innocent little smile he gives, unaware of the cruelty that comes with the Sawyer name.

But in Gloria’s anger, she doesn’t give Drayton a chance to tell the kid he wouldn’t be carryin’ him anyhow, ‘cause she shakes her head, “I don’t think so, baby. Maybe some other time. It's almost time for supper anyhow, and that’d be just rude.”

That was just the start of them breakin’ away. Gone and fucked a good thing up, he did. ‘Cept it weren’t just the argument that done that.

When Franklin relayed the news to the twins they couldn’t have their friend spendin’ the night, they both threw a fit, up until Nubbins ended up hollerin’ at Drayton. Sayin’ some childish insult about not havin’ friends of his own to understand it. ‘Bout bein’ lonely all because he’s so ugly-mugged and half-witted and bitter about it all that nobody could stand to talk to him.

Hits a sore spot. Ain’t ‘cause he’s fragile enough to let a child weigh in on his self-worth, but he had to learn them words somehow. Knows damn well Drayton himself had said them things one too many times and rubbed off on the kid. Ruined his chance at normalcy too. And that’s what hurts him, is knowin’ he done that.

He lashed out about it. Drayton grabbed his bony shoulder and cracked him ‘cross the face, good three or four times in a row ‘til his cheek had a split and was bleedin’. Nubbins didn’t cry a bit. Franklin did. Oh, that boy wailed and wailed all the way back to the next door property- Sally in his arms and Miss Gloria pushin’ the wheelchair with them both- and then some more cryin’, from the sounds of it carrying in the air from next door.

Got the twins both snifflin’ too ‘cause now they’re realizin’ they’s s’posed to cry when these things happen. Drayton gets Bubba and goes inside, leaves ‘em out there to go where they please and feel as they want. Doesn’t care if they get themselves killed in the street right now. Deep down those kids hate him, and not requirin’ so much introspection, he knows clearly that he deserves it.

All together they only see the Hardesty family a couple more times ‘fore it’s their last meeting. Before it’s goodbye.

Gloria comes on her own, without any kids, just a gloomy expression, “I thought you’d like to know we’re movin’ up North. Now that Ma’s passed on, We’re goin’ with Boude. I think it’s for the best.”

He’s furious. Would like to take the broom he’d been using to sweep up the porch and smack her senseless over the head with it. Foolish, since he knows damn well the fault is all his. Drayton stays frozen in place, tryin’ to plead but soundin’ more just like he’s demanding, “You can’t do that to my boys. The twins, they’ll-“

“They’ll be alright if you’d just stop treating them so poorly!” She snaps, marching forward from the tense distance to downright growl in his face, all kinds of tension in her voice from the build-up of tears. “My Franklin, he talks about the damndest things! And I know he learnt it all from yours.”

“Well like what?”

“Things like knives, and blades, and horrible, horrible deaths!”

Ah. That was prob’ly inevitable. From the second she came along askin’ for his help, her and that baby were bound up in this whole mess. “Ain’t it the meat you wanted, woman? How you think we get it here?”

“But my Franklin, he don’t need to know all that! Now he’s fascinated with it, won’t stop scarin’ his baby sister describin’ the insides of cattle. Makin’ her cry.” Gloria sounds so defeated and desperate.

Drayton has to look away from her, thinkin’ of how she’d react if she knew that the blame should be tenfold. That the twins ain’t just witness to the dirty work of the industry, but they gots their own way of doin’ it when the times gets extra tough. Humans as beeves and all.

That’s a decision he’ll stand by, if only ‘cause his heart couldn’t bear the shame of bein’ so deeply wrong twice. “Sounds like you just didn’t prepare yours for the real world.”

“Or maybe you forced it on them boys too early. Maybe the way you hurt them leaves scars on the mind too.”

Now he knows his face is all angry red, gone from takin’ each blow with a side of sadness to just blind rage. Comin’ after the way he was choosing to parent them kids that ain’t even his own. Like he weren’t barely an adult himself when they popped out and became his issue to deal with, sick in the head as they were in their hearts. Drayton’s got every right to handle them rabid dogs of children the way kids like them, kids like he used to be for his Mama, oughta be.

“I don’t- That’s punishment!”

“And Lord have mercy the day your punishment comes, ‘cause I know it ain’t gonna be pretty!” She practically screams it.

Don’t got a clue that for Drayton, this is the punishment. The isolation. The family business. Mama and Grandpa’s teachings. Don’t take the pleasure in it, never did ‘til the day he could help that Hardesty kid in his mama’s womb. Should’ve been a sign, when his spine never finished formin’, that that bond wouldn’t be enough to save ‘em.

“We’ll see, missy.”

“No, we won’t. I told you. We’re movin’. I appreciate everythin’, but I’ve had enough- more than enough of my share of the violence. I don’t know what life is comin’ to anymore.”

“That’s gonna be no matter where you go.” He warns her. All over the world there’s killin’. Crueler people than him when it comes to the way her two kids are. That Franklin especially gonna be in for it when he realizes most kids ain’t as carefree as them twins.

“Worst part is, I know you’re right.” Gloria agrees with the sentiment, the cold damn reality, and it cracks her fragile disguise right in two. She caves from an overwhelming flood rush of emotion, and wraps her arms ‘round Drayton. “Give them hugs from me too. And from Franklin.”

Takes him a minute to realize that was a hug and not her tryin’ to squeeze him ‘til his ribs break. By the time he catches up she pulls away and he’s just holding her arm, careful with her like she’s made of bone porcelain. ‘Cause he knows he might be the one to hold too tight and break her. Accidents happen. And lord knows he’s been quick to violence these days.

Vulnerability reminds him, “Don’t them- Don’t the boys deserve a damned goodbye?”

“I’m half scared they’d stowaway in the movin’ truck.” Gloria laughs lightly, but it’s wet, and the tears start dripping’ down her cheeks and off her nose.

Finally Drayton can see the humor in it, and gives her a little chuckle himself. “Hell, you’re prob’ly right.”

And because she is, all Gloria has to say is, “I’m sorry, Drayton.”

“No you ain’t.” He tries weakly to deny. To him, it’s better without the padding. Just give him the blow directly, tell him he never meant a damn thing to any of those damned Hardesty’s and leave without looking back.

Gloria has no such intention, being genuine, real gentle but with purpose, after bein’ so tough before.

“I am though. I’m sorry for a lot of things.”

Before he knows it, the well bursts with frustration and Drayton’s got a flood of guilt pouring out of him.

“I’m the one that couldn’t help ya! One shot at redemption and I failed it, prob’ly fucked that kid up worse by interferin’ at all! And the little girl too! Damn it, woman, there’s a reason us Sawyers keep to ourselves! You’d think, the diseases of the mind ain’t contagious, but with us- with us they is.”

Either so unmoved the disinterest is genuine, or worse, hiding her feelings from him again, rebuilding the wall that keeps them contained after Drayton’s own outpouring beat against its hardening exterior. Whichever way, she stays blank now.

Gloria speaks first. “I should go.”

“You should.” He agrees, giving a harsh sniff to keep from crying for real.

But she never follows through. Just stands there. “I don’t want to.”

“Got to, girly.” It’s not as friendly as it oughta be. Dry and sad and bored sounding, anything to distance himself if that’s how she wants to play it.

Only, Gloria hugs him again, this time pressing her face to his chest, so she could try to melt into him. To leave behind responsibility and expectations and the pressures of life and sick children. She ain’t oblivious to the cruelty of meat. Consumers and Predators and who’s got the sharpest teeth. Seems like Drayton’s job is to do the hunting, and Gloria, she keeps the prey animals in line. Sharpens their teeth to give em a chance, gets ‘em wheels for useless legs.

Could’ve been all she wanted, if she didn’t settle in and have her babies. There’s a time for proving her worth, and a time for layin’ down the fight to keep her family safe.

“In another life.” She mumbles, refusing to let go of the hug she’s got him in for far too long.

“Don’t be so final. They’ll grow up and find each other when we’s old and bitter.”

“I think we already are.”

“Yeh. Prob’ly right.” His shoulders deflate. Hunch forward. Drayton can’t stand to do this. Never had to say goodbye before when someone was fixin’ to leave him behind. “Go on, then. Drag it out any longer and I’ll be the one sendin’ the boys in your luggage.”

“You wouldn’t dare.” In a playful kind of way, she tries to fix her expression into stern, but it just kind of crumbles, for a second showing her grief all over.

Drayton doesn’t bother adjusting tone when he plays along. An emotionless back and forth, knowing full well it’s wrong to keep going, “I might.”

Gloria huffs in frustration, this conversation clearly not going to plan. Probably wanted him to break down and cry with her. Plead and plead for her not to leave so she could heroically change her mind. Force Drayton to be somebody he ain’t.

That illusion is long over now. The helpful friendly neighbor. Never was quite accurate to who he is on the inside. Or the outside after he’s been up to butcherin’. Best she goes now, thinkin he never did care for her or her kids, rather’n have to put ‘em on the hooks later.

“Stubborn as a mule, I tell ya.” She shakes her head at him, no idea how lucky she really is that he’s so distant to her.

Nothin’ left to say, Drayton keeps his mouth shut, hopin’ that’ll be enough for her to lose interest and turn away now. His thoughts have made him sick to his stomach, doesn’t want to see her face any longer.

Taking a couple steps back, about to turn toward the path, she gives him a warning of her own, “Just be good.”

“Don’t think it’s me you should be tellin’ that to.” He hums, though he knows damn well his family business is bad. No such thing here. Only one of them remotely well behaved is Drayton, and he’s the one with his hands elbow deep in corpses most days, whether they’re cattle or the other kind of beeves.

“I’ll pass it along to the boys.”

“I meant you.” Big round eyes all desperate for one final plea to change her mind and keep them rooted here, she’s searchin’ Draytons face as she speaks to him. Hopin’ to see under the exterior.

So he stays silent again.

Pisses her off, cause now she turns her back to him. Raises her voice so much it wobbles, “I won’t see you again, Drayton Sawyer.”

“Alright.” Is all he gives her.

Her silhouette is shaking, the force of her sobs popping out of her like boiling oil. Sharp and unexpected and painful. The last thing she ever says to him is a curse, upon him now for pushin’ her away, and for leadin’ her on all this time. Makin’ her think her and her babies was like family.

“Damn you. God damn you to hell!”

Got a one way ticket already. Don’t get no worse than killing. Smackin’ the boys around, sayin’ things he shouldn’t, none of it compares to the killin’. Figure if he stopped that but didn’t change a damned other thing about himself, he’d still be welcomed up above, if he just repented.

That’s one thing he refuses to do. Drayton ain’t gonna beg the universe, or a frail woman from next door, in her pristine little house with her pristine little family, for forgiveness.

Things need done. Children need fed. She should know that as well as any.

[where-theres-smoak-2]

The Artful Dodger Spoilers!

So I may have rewatched the artful dodger a few times, ok so it may have been an unhealthy amount of times and I may have a slight obsession but the show is just too good and dodgerfox has a hold over me.

But anyway on my most recent rewatch something struck me and I just love how poetic it was that Jack finds the solution to saving Belle's life in a noose.

Like Jack is someone who has always had this threat of the hangman's noose hanging over him. When he was a child he was a pickpocket and there was always that danger of getting caught, now he's an escaped convict and if anyone finds out he'll be hung. This is something that is established in the show from the first episode with the scene where Jack watches a man who is an escaped convict hang. Throughout the series the hangman's noose continues to be this looming threat over Jack and is brought up consistently, like when they go to Tim and say 'the noose is upon us' and there are other instances were the characters talk about the danger of them being hanged.

Then you have that scene with jack after he and belle have failed to do the surgery on the cadaver, the woman he loves is dying and it seems like there is no hope at all, then he looks out the window and sees the noose and that is what gives him the idea to tie the thread into a noose allowing him to have more control when tying the ligation. It gives him hope.

What I love the most about this moment is how it links back to the conversation Jack and Belle have in 1x02 when Belle tells him that there is more to medicine than just death, there's life, there's hope. I think Jack has struggled with how limited he has found medicine up until Belle came into his life. It's established right from episode 1 that Jack does care for his patients and when he loses a patient it effects him deeply. It also seems like due to the way the hospital is run and the limitations Jack has to work with, because the prof is ignoring all new progress in medicine, Jack loses patients alot and has come to frustratingly accept that its just part of medicine, nothing you can do about it.

But then Belle comes into his life and she starts introducing all these new, ground-breaking things to medicine, the ether, the carbolic acid, access to literature on medical breakthroughs from around the world. For Jack this opens up a whole new side of medicine for him, he is able to do procedures that just weren't possible before, like abdominal surgery. Before Belle an abdominal injury meant his patient was going to die, but now there was hope that they could be saved. As the series goes on we see Jack going from 'no that surgery is too much the patient will die from the pain, its not possible' to trying and succeeding at performing more and more difficult procedures in the hope that his patients will live and it works, charlie lives, rotty lives, the sailor is able to continue navigating. I think Belle very much becomes his hope.

Which is why for me that scene with the noose hits so hard. At the time when he feels like he is losing hope, literally in that he can't save Belle who has become his hope, it is something that Jack associates with death, with the finality of death, that gives him hope that he can save Belle. It's just such a beautiful scene, even in the way that it is shot, the way they use light in this scene is just perfect. How when he first looks out the window and sees the noose and he turns around to look back at the heart he is experimenting on, sunlight just floods through the window. How when Jack is tying the thread into the noose and the sun has lit him up all golden. Also how when Jack holds them up side by side and we get the close up of first the hangman's noose and then the thread and the thread is again lit by the sun and seems to be glowing with a golden light. It was all just so well done.

I really do think its such an under-rated moment. Anyway I think I've rambled on enough now.