#car guy as in auto enthusiast not as in anthropomorphic vehicle

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i like the idea of car guy Bill

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I mentioned the other day that I went to NAIAS for the first time (NAIAS = the North American International Auto Show, or Detroit’s two-week extravaganza of a car party). NAIAS is like SEMA in Las Vegas, or the Tokyo Expo--unlike your regular car show, where it’s enthusiasts exhibiting their custom rides (often more my flavor), NAIAS is the manufacturers themselves showing up with all their new toys. This means bringing out all their 2019/2020 vehicles and showing off what’s what, what their brand is, and also often shelling out for some wild pyrotechnics to really make a splash. Most everyone also brought a few goodies, like special editions, rare concepts, or high-class professional tuning house builds (like the DUB 2019 Kia Stinger with a brushed stainless steel wrap and carbon fiber everything else--holy moly).

I have normal-person pics of the actual cars waiting to be post-processed, but I wanted to focus for a moment here on the nature of the show/the nature of brand-building, because I absolutely couldn’t look at all the pyrotechnics without thinking about what this kind of show would be like in the Carsverse.

There’s just something genuinely arresting and beautiful about watching a car spin on a crystal dais, in lighting built to show it off. Because you know this is their catwalk moment; they are there to flaunt it, drink it up, and tell the world they’re worth it. You want this.

But they’re also not professional models, you know? They’re brand-new. They’re the little babies of the manufacturer--chosen from amongst their peers because they’re good at this job, sure, but this might be all they know about the world. They’re child actors catapulted onto the world’s stage.

And like, in CRAZY crazy ways. This is a four-screen gigantic IMAX theater Ford brought in. The presentation was BIG in all possible senses of the word--crazy, booming music, dazzling screens, a digital waterfall that suddenly opens to reveal a passageway through which a real, 3D car struts to greet the adoring masses.

I have dedicated absolutely 0% of my life to coveting the all-new Ford Explorer Hybrid but I legit SHED A TEAR because the spectacle was so overwhelming and emotion-inducing. Like, I cannot explain how magical it is to watch a car roll up on stage like he’s Steve freakin’ Jobs.

It’s also the show where brand-new cars would learn what their brand is all about, who their manufacturer intended them to be. It’s all in their presentation here--what props they’re given and what nature they’re meant to be exuding.

This guy, for instance, gets to stand next to a bear statue. Whoever he’s meant to be, he know somehow bears are involved.

And the Jeep Gladiator? He knows he’s special--like, signature rotating dais special--but he’s also giant dirt bike in the bed special:

You, a Kia Telluride, are “we shipped in rocks and stuff from Colorado in order to build an off-road course that offers thrill rides INSIDE the Cobo Center” special:

You’re “descend from sky before a stadium-seated audience during a special timed performance” special:

Do you know who you are, baby car? Yeah you do. You’re an S209. You’re limited edition, rocking that Sakura STI red trim and classical gold wheels and forged pistons and you know it because you’re staring at your own reflection on a carbon fiber floor and you’ve got custom lights streaming down on you telling you yeah, you’re that special:

I mean, come on. Ford put a Ford Explorer in the audience of its Ford Explorer presentation, and midway through the presentation it fired up and joined its brethren on stage. You got to see it actually walk up on stage and there is something deeply anthropomorphic about the notion to do that at a car show, idek. Maybe that’s just me. But is it???

So anyway, yeah. Just me thinking about cars in showbiz and new cars learning who they are at the same time they’re being trained to show the world who they are. In Carsverse, manufacturers’ car shows must be such a wild experience and I absolutely love it. LOVE LOVE LOVE.