#cant put my finger on it.. evokes a Feeling

[cerealandchoccymilk]

chose black jack for my sketchbook study assignment today yippee

originals under cut

left is from シャチの詩 The Ballad of the Killer Whale, right is from ときには真珠のように Sometimes Like Pearls

[christianstepmoms]

I'm literally not trying to knock modern hip-hop like at all, but why did we let 90s beats fall out of vogue, im not even trying to go on a Real-90s-Kid nostalgia trip, I keep stumbling on old Cube, Big L, Pun, Tribe, etc, tracks ive never heard and they're all just a vibe that we don't have in music right now. Very comfortable beats, but still able to evoke young aggression and angst.

I literally cant put my finger on how or why, but the old Moogs, Drum Machines and authentic record samples just feel so much more authentic and human than modern beat composition.

[sinclarify]

yap session 1: minori kamiya the ult poet

the spinny wheel of fate told me to talk about minori so here we are!!!

minori kamiya is my darling ultimate poet and actuallly i love them so freaking soooo freaking much. let me get up their official description lalalala. tw for talk about suicide:

As the Ultimate Poet, Minori is nothing but a total hopeless romantic. They’re famous for their love poems, with every word going straight from their heart to the page. Of course, every artist needs a muse, and Minori’s is none other than their lover! Ah, young love – Minori's feelings for their beloved are the scaffold for every poem, and they’re so poignant and powerful that it’s earned Minori both national and international commendation, evident from just how many literary awards and accolades they’ve won. For Minori, however, the fame that follows their craft is utterly insignificant when placed up against the emotions that they evoke in a reader. Their poems are a beacon of hope and inspiration, a beam of light in a world so often obfuscated by darkness, and Minori is so happy that they’re able to provide that sort of comfort to readers all around the world. 

These feelings aren’t just limited to the page, either - Minori’s just as romantic and gentle in person as their words make them out to be, an air of kindness and warmth around them that’s impossible to not be drawn in by. They have nothing but compassion in their heart for their peers, and is always willing to extend a helping hand, or a shoulder to cry on, or to just talk to whoever needs it. Truly, Minori is one of those rare, pure souls – something that’s desperately needed in a situation where tensions run wild. 

Of course, that’s not to say that everything in their life is as perfect as it seems. Underneath those swathes of positivity and tenderness is a whole host of anxieties that plague their mind - but through their poetry and the thought of their lover, they manage to maintain their optimism in hopes of a brighter future. A future where they and the one they love so much can be happy and safe…together. It’s always going to be them, together. And Minori would do absolutely anything to cling onto that future. 

OKAYY THERE WE GO :3 i forgot how much i put in those descriptions ummmm lalalala anyway ya. minori's just a little silly. a silly with a whole lotta problems! before we get into those i think i should proooobably talk about their life outside of the killing game so that we shall do. next topic: their lover!

right so their lover doesn't exactly… have a name? or a face? oooh so mysterious. i had a reason for that but i cant remember what it is so just think of something cool and interesting. ANYWAY YEAH!!!! their lover.

it's important to note that my dgr fanclass IS aged up from actual canon dgr characters, i know there's like… vagueness surrounding their ages but it's like widely considered the canon dgrs are minors but mine are NOT they are all over 18+ !! minori is 21. and i'm saying that because it puts it into perspective when i say that they've been together with their lover for around 4 years up until the beginning of my canon!! so a long time. a real long time. and in that time, the two of them have built up a devotion and trust between them that's completely unshakeable. they've held each other through their highs and lows, hidden absolutely nothing, and they justf… theyre in LOVE okay!!!! for minori, their lover is the most important person in their life… and they want to stay together forever.

the only issue is, they don't have forever. minori's lover was diagnosed with a terminal illness, one that doesn't seem to have a cure in sight. minori had always looked forward to spending the rest of time by their side, but now time is gradually slipping through fingers, and there's nothing they can do to stop it. that's why every single poem that minori crafts is dedicated to them; that's why they spend so much time prescribing their every feature and every nuance onto paper, to preserve their life and keep their spirit immortal long after they inevitably pass. it's painful, having to look at the one you love every single day, knowing that soon, they won't be by your side anymore, but minori pushes down any hurt, using it to fuel their art, to capture their muse indefinitely. they're scared, of course they are. who wouldn't be scared? but they'll be fine, as long as they have each other…

…which is why being put in the killing game isn't really the best case scenario for minori! flung into an unfamiliar environment with total strangers, then being told they had to kill to escape, it's totally insane!! like, they could die here! though, minori's not thinking about their own survival. the whole time, all they can think about is their lover back home. their lover, alone, scared, and wondering why minori left. the thought of their lover being in such a vulnerable position is much more devastating to minori than the thought of losing their own life, and god, they're completely TERRIFIED.

but they've gotten used to pushing their fears down, so they swallow the lump in their throat and wipe their hands on their yellow cardigan and put on a soft, gentle smile, hoping that, while their own anxieties may not be soothed any time soon, they can at least put the others at ease. they maintain an aura of complete composure, not allowing themself to outwardly give into the heavy fear that threatens to suffocate them, because they've got to carry everyone else's fears instead! they provide comfort. they provide hugs to the ones that need it. they provide a shoulder to cry on. even the ones that brush them off at least recognise that they're there to help… and it's all completely genuine. with minori around, things don't seem too bad.. it's almost like they have nothing to worry about at all.

then the first killing happens, and everyone realises that comfort and smiles and hugs mean absolutely nothing. this is real. the killing game is real. and while kaori izumi's death may have been a suicide, that doesn't rule out the possibility of there being real killers later down the line… because the seed has already been planted. desperation hangs in the air, heavy, like a toxic gas waiting to be inhaled, waiting to corrode from the inside out… and everyone can feel it, everyone can smell the blood, everyone's on edge.

especially minori.

kaori was so, so desperate… that poor girl. so desperate to leave this rotten place, so paralysed by fear that she took her own life. minori could never forget the look on her cold face, that harrowing contortion of pain and sorrow and last-minute regret permanently inscribed on her features forever. and they wonder… could that be me? is that me?

they could never imagine killing themself. they can't. they can't die and leave their lover alone. no, no, that's completely unfathomable! that's crazy! hah, dying? in a place like this? no way. no fucking way. besides, a poet's suicide would be so cliche! so no, that's not them. it'll never be them. never, never, never, never. never never never never neverneverneverneverneverneverneverneverneverneverneverneverneverne-

and then the next motive is revealed.

minori wakes up with a video tape and a cassette player next to their bed and a piece of paper with the words 'WATCH ME' crudely scribbled onto it in red crayon. they know they shouldn't. they've seen the movies. alice eats and alice drinks because she got told to and alice is big and alice is small and alice nearly gets her head chopped off by a queen with a head far too big for her body and wonderland really isn't that wonderful and one really shouldn't go chasing rabbits but what if she was meant to? minori, you're alice. watch the tape. watch the tape and you won't almost get your head chopped off. go on, minori. go on. go on, minori.

so they do.

the video starts off fuzzy and unfocused. minori can make out nothing but the faint glow of a yellow light that flickers sporadically, and then, out of the light, comes a voice.

mino…ri? minori, where… i'm.. cold, minori. it's really cold here.

the faint glow covers the whole screen, almost blindingly, before it fades out. and into focus comes a hospital bed. minori recognises that bed. they recognise that voice.

cough i don't know where you are, minori, but, i- cough it's bad again. real bad. doctor yoshida's trying his best.. and so are the nurses, but… i don't know. it's.. i'm hurting. everything hurts. physically, but… being without you hurts. where are you, mino? i sleep and dream of you, and i find that when i wake, i end up dreaming of you still… it's- i don't like this, minori. cough. please, i… i don't know how long i can- cough without you, i… cough. minori. cough. mino.. cough. sniff. sob. please… come back to me. please. i miss you. don't leave me here. don't leave me here to die. cough. i can feel it settle in, minori. it's… coming. please come before it does. cough i… lo-

and then it cuts to black.

minori's not sure when it started, but a strange chill has overtaken their whole body, their hands shaking and their heart beating so hard against their ribcage it's sure to puncture or burst out, their head light, their mouth dry and their eyes glazed, and god, god, god, help, god save them, god save them, god do something do something god? God? God's not listening. God can't do anything.

but minori… can. minori can.

[bittersnsweetz]

Heres the thing. narumitsu has become so essential to my experience in playing ace attorney and thinking about ace attorney that its become stale. they are endgame to me. i love them. i love them so much that ive stopped consciously entertaining them simply because the games have made it so they are consistently present in the back of my mind, it's not even a question of whether they have chemistry. krisnix carries intrigue in the sense that i dont know everything about their story beats. so much is left to interpretation and so much of phoenix's character and his relationships is impacted by kristoph that it makes me want to think about narumitsu again. krisnix is like the catalyst for me to engage in thoughts pertaining to narumitsu. its also the fact that phoenix and miles are both, at their core, "good" people. they have well-intentioned motivations. something something it was always going to be them. Thats not to say their relationship isn't without flaws, but they find ways to make it back to each other in the end.

in contrast, kristoph evokes the intricate moralities of phoenix's character. with miles, we've only ever seen phoenix in saviour attorney shoes. with kristoph, phoenix is, however unhealthily, pushed to step out of his comfortability. he's mentally being challenged by kristoph to engage in psychological warfare, who then rises to the occasion and pushes back. you cant tell me that isnt narratively satisfying as all hell!! Its not phoenix having this one comeuppance that brings kristoph down, it's years of a mutual stubbornness and complicated feelings arising, of phoenix being the one with kristoph wrapped around his finger for so long that kristoph doesnt even realise until the end, because phoenix isn't stupid!!! and hes not gonna just lie down and take it. but by that point kristoph has already begun to feel like everything is under his control, and it really, severely isnt. its the flipping of their roles. its the way they are the worst for each other yet need each other like vital organs. its the way kristoph could have killed phoenix but didnt. its kristoph needing phoenix but phoenix not wanting him. its phoenix gradually losing any emotional feeling towards kristoph until he puts him on death row. i cant explain it any more than that

they are at each other's throats they are passive aggressive worsties they are intimate in the worst way. neither of them ever truly understand the other. i like that there's never a definitive conclusion to them, or even a definitive beginning. and god forbid theres ever definitive, reciprocated feelings in between.

tldr, i love narumitsu and i hate krisnix but that hatred is born out of the fact that they are not at all made for each other and yet canon implies they were made to be with each other for seven whole years and i dont know what to make of that other than they had something much more intricate and sinister going on. were it actually a popularity contest, narumitsu would have my vote, wholeheartedly.

I've been meaning to redo this poll because I feel like I wasn't clear enough on what I meant so we're doing this again

*When I say more interesting, I do not mean "which ship do you like more?" I mean "which ship do you want to study in a lab?" type vibes. Which ship would you hyperfixate on for weeks to figure out why they are the way they are, regardless of whether you ship it or not? Which ship is like a train wreck you're physically incapable of looking away from?

If you think Krisnix is more interesting but like Narumitsu more, vote for Krisnix. This isn't a popularity contest.

[haik-choo]

waking up next to the karasuno second & third years

request: the waking up next to the first years hcs was the purest most adorable thing i’ve ever read 🥺🥺🥺could u do one with the second or third years too?

a/n: thank you so much for loving the first one i did! i’m sorry i haven’t been as active, i go in and out of a creative mindset and this quarantine isn’t really pushing me to stay creative. i just sleep most of the time LOL. here it is! :)

[WAKING UP NEXT TO THE KARASUNO SECOND AND THIRD YEARS] 

-nishinoya, tanaka, daichi, sugawara, asahi

nishinoya yuu.

waking up next to nishinoya yuu isn’t filled with excitement or him jumping off the walls, like you might expect it to be. i feel like the first ten minutesof waking up for him are really slow, like he’s just barely opening his eyes and looking at the ceiling.

for some reason i really feel like he wakes up before you. he goes to bed at like two am, but wakes up at eight am to practice or go on a little jog. 

but every time he wakes up, the first thing he looks at is you. your peaceful state, your slow-rising chest, the little breaths leaving your slightly parted lips. noya is a really emotional person, and I can bet you real money that he gets real giddy seeing you next to him.

you don’t usually sleep in his arms because he’s a wild sleeper and probably starfishes, so when he wakes up his limbs are sprawled out, some on you, some hanging off the bed. and he just barely turns his head at there you are in your morning glory. 

his heart literally swells five sizes bigger. he’ll shift over to be next to you and move your hair out of your face or just mess with the hair at the top of your head, basking in the love you cause him to feel.

after a few minutes of doing that, he’ll let out a big ol’ sigh and wrap his arms around you, squeezing tight to wake you up.

“mmm,,,,noya, what are you doing,,,” “i’m just feeling grateful :)” 

and you look up at him, and there’s a feeling of security that fills you. he may not be the biggest or strongest, but the light in his eyes and the warmth in his arms that he wraps around you make you feel safe. 

not to mention that his hair is down and sticking out everywhere. it’s a cute picture that only you’ll ever see

you return his gesture and wrap your arms around him, thinking about different ways to make him stay in bed instead of going out for a jog.

basically; the morning is filled with hugs and soft smiles, knowing looks and arms that evoke the feeling of being safe and being loved. his hair is wild, and his hands are tugging at your own strands. 

tanaka ryuunosuke.

you two almost always wake up in the same position, his arms spread out, your head resting on one of them, one of his legs propped up like a tent and the other flat on the bed, you curled up against his side. since he’s a touch-starved individual, he finds any excuse for you two to be as close as possible every second of every day. 

you both actually wake up a few minutes apart, whoever wakes up first is a coin toss. and when you wake up first, you get to see his face void of the tension is usually has, his mouth is a little open with small snores coming out, his fingers twitching every few seconds

tanaka’s body reacts before he does, so even if you try to get up, his arms just holds onto you and keep you attached to his side. he swears he doesn’t do it on purpose, and that his body just needs you :’) 

on days when he wakes up before you he stays as still as stone. no joke, he’s so afraid of waking you up and experiencing your wrath that he just. freezes

but as he’s frozen, he takes the time to just stare. no smile on his face, he just stares, drinking in your sleeping form. he occasionally takes a change and slowly turns, stretching out his arm for his phone on the side table. when he can reach it, you can bet he has 200+ new photos of your sleeping and he makes them his screen savers

the second he sees your stir awake lightly, he pounces on you an covers your face in little kithes and saves your lips for last. sometimes he’ll wait until you open your eyes and look at him, pouting like “where’s my real kisses :(” before he gives you a big boy smooch

you giggle and caress his chest with your hand, happy that he wakes you up like a queen everyday. trust me, he’s happy he gets to be the guy whose face you see first thing in the morning

he usually scrolls through his phone for like an hour before getting out of bed, and you just sit there and watch tik toks with him. you two my wake up at roughly the same time, but you get out of bed before him to make some morning smoothies (he totally asks for a protein shake AGAGA) 

basically; your mornings get started at the same time, and he loves to make sure you’re up by pelting you with kisses that you love. you scroll through tik tok while being smushed next to his chest before you get up to make breakfast. 

daichi sawamura.

not gonna lie, when he wakes up he spend like a minute or two in bed at MOST, he hates just staying in bed because he feels like he could so much more productive than lie around and do nothing. you, on the other hand, wouldn’t mind staying in bed for the entire day. 

so here’s the way it usually goes: he wakes up a minute before his alarm (7:00am) and just quickly sighs before reaching over you and turning it off so it doesn’t wake you up. then he kisses your forehead (his breath smells bad, so he’s not going to kiss your lips) before getting up and washing up. he gets ready to go on a jog, and he kisses your shoulder before he sets out on his journey.

but every once in a while, there’s something wonderful that happens. he doesn’t feel like working out. he wakes up at the same time, but he just doesn’t feel like doing anything. on those days, he completely indulges in your warmth.

he doesn’t care if he wakes you up and hoists you up so you’re completely laying on his body. of course you wake up, but you already know what’s going to happen, so you just softly groan. “so you don’t feel like getting up and decide to wake me up? really?” “yes, really” “...you’re lucky i love you” “im the luckiest man alive” 

you two actually talk during mornings like those, you love pressing an ear against his chest and hearing the vibrations his voice causes. it’s like calming background noise to you. 

“are,,,you even listening. we’ve got a lot to do today” “i’ve been ignoring everything after you said ‘getting up’“ “...of course you have”

you haveto convince him to stay even longer in bed, because he really hates staying in bed, like he just wants to make “eggs or fucking toast or an OMLETTE PLEASE I JUST WANT TO DO SOMETHING”

in order to persuade him to stay for a little longer, you usually just kiss him. normally he hates morning breath, but when it’s you kissing him so tenderly he can make an exception or two

ngl it usually leads to making out or morning sex, like i said he needs to do SOMETHING 

basically; you wake up like a married couple. normally he gets up right away, but every once in a while he;ll decide to spend some extra time with the love of his life, and that time is usually spent kissing and...doing other things ;) 

sugawara koushi.

instead of you waking up in his arms, he wakes up in your arms. like his face is pressed against your chest and your arms is haphazardly resting over his shoulder. his arms are undoubtedly around your waist, his lags entangled with yours

every morning, without fail, he wakes up first and somehow slip out of your position and into the bathroom to wash his face and brush his teeth before making two cups of coffee and coming back into the bedroom, setting them on the nightstand, and crawling back into bed with you

usually he sits up in bed and moves you to rest your head in his lap so he can reach over to sip at his drink. his hands comb through your hair and he trifles through his emails just incase some parent messages him about something

sometimes he’ll stop scrolling at look down at you, feeling happy and 100% sure that he has the greatest life; first he wakes up in your arms, spends time with you, spends time with kids, and them spends more time with you 

the school he teaches at starts at like twelve pm, so he likes to take his time waking up so he’s as happy as possible. and spending a lot of time with you is key to that.

can only wait for so long before he pokes your side until you wake up. the entire time he’s like “please wake up” “i’ve got work in like four hours! let’s do something!” “i’ll make breakfast if you give me sufficient payment ;)” 

literally the second you wake up he props you up and you look drunk as hell when you first wake up but he still thinks you’re beautiful <3 cute rat 

he rests your head on his shoulder and kisses you until you’re fully awake, you don’t always kiss back but that’s because you’re not fully there  and you’re just,,, “is there a bird pecking at me? what the hell - oh, it’s koushi” 

“can’t you wake me up like a normal person?” “no, i like kissing you awake. isn’t that cute? :)” “not when you kiss like a bird.” “so you have,,,,chosen death?”

when he’s feeling extra happy he has no issue putting you on his lap, facing him. he wraps your arms around him before doing the same to you and burying his face in your neck and humming a soft tune. he’s just such a calming presence that sometimes you fall back asleep in his lap :’)

basically; it’s a cute and happy morning as he rests you on his lap and peppers your lips with kisses to wake you up. playful banter is included, and so it coffee breath.  

asahi azumane.

he would love to wake up to you pressed to his side, but he gets hot really easily, so he cant hold you to sleep. he totally hugs a small pillow to sleep and you can old press up against his back, which he doesn’t mind. 

he’s the type to wake up at ten am naturally, and every morning he yawns and stretches out his arms, rolling back a little before yelping at the feeling of you getting quietly crushed beneath him

when he realizes that it’s just you, his heart beat stabilizes and he turns over, flipping the sheets off of him to he doesn’t overheat, and grabs you hands, lacing his fingers through with yours

you’ve been dating for a while, so he’s completely comfortable doing skinship with you. he’s not embarrassed at how much he loves you. he likes to gently caress your face with his hands, his thumbs brushing over your cheekbones and sometimes across your bottom lip

no lie, waking up with asahi is the softest thing ever. he gives you one single kiss on your cheek, letting it linger for a few seconds before pulling away to see your eyes cracked open

by this time he’s lightly hovering over you, and he just lets out a slightly bashful smiles and leans down, his forehead pressing against yours

you think that you must’ve saved a cat orphanage in your past life in order to get he delicious treat of waking up with asahi’s face in front of yours everyday 

“good morning to you, too, azumane” “morning :)” “did you have that weird dream again?” “the one where hinata grows to be eight foot three and dunks me in a basketball hoop and leaves me up there and becomes the ace?” “yeah” “yes. yes i did.thanks for reminding me.” 

sometimes asks for extra cuddles before getting up to take a shower, and when you say yes he just :):):) and envelops you in his warm embrace and rubs his beard goatee thing on your forehead as you grovel in pain because it’s in that in-between phase where it’s scratchy and long 

sometimesasksyoutoshowertogetherbutyouusuallyhavetodecipheritbecausehe’sallblushyandit’ssocuteyoucoulddie

honestly struggles to get up in the morning because he really loves just laying and existing with you, his mind not focused or worried about anything but the way your chest rises slightly out of sync with his, and sometimes he imagines your chest heaving beneath his,,,,but hat’s astory for antoher time

basically; waking up with him is like a fairy tale. his gently lips and even gentler arms wake you up like a queen, and he makes sure that you feel the same way he does. sometimes there’s extra cuddles, sometimes there’s some showering together. 

[in-a-constant-daydream6]

Completely & Utterly

Bucky x reader 

Word count: 2,052

A/N: this is my first attempt at writing so it’s probably awful lol :) feedback is very much appreciated and welcomed! hope you enjoy! (hopefully its not too bad) :)

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………

“Hey, you okay kid?” Tony asks his voice laced with concern. Returning back to reality your tear filled eyes find Tony’s. You quickly whisper a “yes” which is followed by a poor attempt at a smile. You hadn’t intended for it to come out as a whisper but the softness of Tony’s voice combined with your emotional state creates a lump in your throat. 

   The bar holds the usual chatter and warmth. It is classy yet cosy, and the monotonous downpour of rain only elevates the warmth and brightness of its interior. However, today Starks bar (called ‘The Iron Man’) didn’t bring the same joy it once did. In an attempt to hold your tears back, you take a sip of your lemonade. 

   Your hands pick at the corner of the beer mat whilst Tony places his hand on your shoulder, giving it a reassuring squeeze. “Well, if you need anything you know where to find me.” You nod and Tony makes his way back to the bar giving handshakes and quirky comments to those who come here regularly.

   It had been a year since your best friend Bucky had left for New York. One whole year. God, You shouldn’t be this heartbroken still. But you were because he wasn’t just your best friend, he was the person who made you laugh until your stomach ached with pain, he was the person you would have midnight phone calls with…he was the person who you shared your childhood with. You don’t know the exact moment you realised you loved him more than a friend, but maybe there wasn’t a moment. Maybe you had always loved him completely and utterly.

————————————————————————-

1 year ago (the day before Bucky left for New York) 

Huddled in a corner of the room, you and Nat speak in hushed tones. “Y/N you need to tell him before he leaves tomorrow.”

“I can’t” you stammer “this is a huge opportunity for him, I can’t just go up to him and say ‘hey Bucky I just wanted to say that I’m in love with you and I think I have been for like forever. Have a nice life in New York though,” exhaling a stressed sigh you massage your temple. Why couldn’t I have just plucked up the courage and told him years ago?!

“Y/N look at me. You are one of my closest friends - I consider you a sister, which is why I think you should tell him. I know the timing isn’t ideal.”

“Ideal?” You interrupt “Its awful. It would be selfish of me to tell him now.” 

“No it wouldn’t” Nat’s soft tone is comforting “you will be selfish if you don’t tell him. He should leave knowing your true feelings. Perhaps he feels the same way about you and he’s leaving because he thinks you don’t feel the same way.”

“And if he does feel the same way, which I highly doubt he does…what if he then decides to stay. I would feel terrible…I would feel like I was preventing him from reaching his absolute potential and like I was holding him back from chasing his dreams. You know how excited he is Nat.” You say with a dejected tone.

  There’s a silent pause.  Nat looks at you with a mixture of concern and sadness in her eyes. “Well whatever you decide just know that I’m here for you - no matter what.” She reaches for your hand and gives you a smile which evokes a warmth within you. What would you do without Nat? …What will you do without Bucky?

   You return her smile, although it doesn’t quite reach your eyes. “Thank you Nat, really, it means a lot. I don’t know where I’d be without you.”

“Your life would be hell without me” and she’s back to her usual playful self in which you are truly grateful for.

“Im not interrupting anything, am I?” Bucky asks. You look over your shoulder when Nat says “Of course not, I’m just heading to ladies so if you’ll excuse me,” which is followed by a reassuring wink.

  “Hey, I haven’t seen you much this evening. Is everything okay?”

  “Yeah” you weakly muster whilst trying to give a convincing smile.

  “It’s just…you’ve been kinda distant lately and that isn’t like you at all. We always tell each other everything, and I know I’m going to New York but it’s only one year, and you can come and visit, and we’ll FaceTime and call all the time.” He places his hand on your arm and gives you his signature smile, which never fails to send your heart flying.

 “Im fine, really….work has just been…stressful lately, thats all.” His glassy blue eyes search yours and you immediately know that he’s not buying it.

 “How long have we known each other Y/N? I know when your lying,” he runs his fingers through his hair and lets out a sigh, “I thought you’d be happy for me - I’d be happy for you. You know I thought I’d be able to spend my last day with my best friend, I thought we’d have a great day celebrating with all of our friends which would allow me to feel content before heading onto the plane…but I guess not.” he expresses, hurt entwined with every word. 

Thoughts are racing through your head, you thought you’d be able to carry on pretending for just one more day (obviously not). Your pause and absence of words cause Bucky to walk away. You promptly follow him to an empty room, you can still hear Steve and Sam’s laughter which seems to then blend into music and chatter.

   “Wait…Bucky” you plead, grabbing his arm. His muscles tense, making you realise how physically strong he has become - unlike his gawky teenage years.

   He stops and looks at you with hurt reflecting in his eyes, “What Y/N?”

   You don’t know whether a surge of courage or stupidity takes over you but you manage to muster the three words you have always wanted to tell him, “I-I…love you.”

   “What-what did you say?” his voice is subdued. You know he heard you but confusion forces him to ask anyway.

   “I love you Bucky, completely and utterly.” Your voice breaks and you can feel your eyes begin to fill with tears.

   “Why…why haven’t you told me…before?,” he shakes his head in confusion and rubs his face, “why are you telling me a day before I leave for New York?”

   “I promise you, I didn’t plan to tell you today”

He cuts in “So when were you going to tell me?! I can’t-I cant do this…not now.”

   Your heart breaks “okay,” your voice is almost a whisper, “I’m really sorry Buck, I really didn’t mean to do this right now but…” your voice trails away as you don’t know what else there is to say.

   He nods whilst biting his lip, “I know…you- um, don’t need to worry about coming to the airport with me tomorrow… it’s really early so…I’ll give you a ring when I get there.” He walks away before you can say anything, and you let the tears run down you cheeks.

   You don’t know how long you are standing there before Nat embraces you, cooing gently “it’s okay.”

———————————————————————

Back to present day

“You know if you smile that much you might pull a muscle.” Looking up you see one of your closest friends, Natasha. The redhead walks over to sit by you with a grin on her face and the usual mischievous glint in her eyes. You couldn’t help but reciprocate the grin. 

 “And why, might I add, are you drinking lemonade when we are supposed to be celebrating your new job?” She raises her eyebrows at you but then her demeanour changes. She places her hand on top of yours and you look up. “You heard about Bucky?”

You nod, scared that if you try to talk you’ll start crying. 

 You did speak to Bucky several times after that night but it was awkward, neither one of you knowing what to say, eventually the calls stopped. It hurt, and not just because he didn’t love you back but because you felt like you had lost your best friend. 

You tried your best to move on and you think Sam, Steve, Clint and Wanda believed it. However, Tony didn’t - but he didn’t pry and you appreciated that, he did however check to make sure that you were okay. Of course, Natasha knew that you were hurting and you were able to express your true emotions in front of her. 

You don’t know how many movies you watched together or how many times she held you while you broke down, but you did manage to move on with your life and things were…good. You and Nat still shared an apartment which was great, and every Saturday the others would come over for drinks and/or a movie (usually ending in fits of laughter). It was actually during the last Saturday get together, that you had overheard Steve and Sam talk about Bucky. And that’s when you heard he was going to propose to his girlfriend. It caught you by surprise, you knew he had been dating her for a while but you weren’t quite expecting a proposal. You had also heard Steve voice his concerns about Bucky and how he didn’t sound like his usual self, but Sam shrugged it off and said he was probably nervous about proposing.

................................................................................

   “I’m happy for him - really.” You gave your best attempt at a smile. Nat didn’t buy it but she didn’t say anything further as the others had arrived and were heading towards your table. Sam was first to wrap his arms around you, “Congratulations! Wow, a journalist! Well, if you need any interesting stories-”

“She wont go to you,” Nat interjects, a grin plastered on her face.

Everyone laughs and Steve slaps slam on the back, “you were asking for that.” They all give you a hug and express how proud they are of you and your new job.

Before sitting down Sam asks Tony for drinks. “You do know that I own this place. I don’t work as a waiter. And anyway, I’m off duty now. I’ve spent all day having meetings and talking about possible events, so this is my time to relax and enjoy myself.”

“Don’t worry I’ll get them” Clint states rolling his eyes.

You actually managed to put Bucky aside from your thoughts, and were enjoying your evening. You looked at the faces sitting around the table, laughing and joking, and you couldn’t help but smile. You were so thankful to have them in your life.

“Another round?” You ask which gets a chorus of enthusiastic yeahs, making you giggle.

You head over to the bar and relay the list of drinks to the bartender. Waiting for your drinks you tap your fingers on the counter and glance around the bar. That is until your eye catches a familiar face entering the bar. Your heart drops.

“Bucky?” You muster.

“Hey,” his eyes drop to the ground and he gives a shy smile, “its been a while.”

A mixture of shock and confusion leaves you speechless, “what-what are you…doing here? I thought you were in New York?”

You search his eyes before properly taking a look at him. You then notice he’s cut his hair short, its not long like it once was. You realise you’re staring, so you avert your gaze.

There’s a long pause, and you both just stand there awkwardly.

You go to say something when he says, “I’ve missed you…and yes I am supposed to be in New York. As much as I love New York, its not home-”

“I thought you were getting engaged-“

This time Bucky is the one to interrupt, “No, well, Sharon kept saying how she wanted to get married and everyone just assumed that I would propose. She’s great but the truth is I didn’t love her, I was able to fool myself for a while but…she just wasn’t you.”

He shrugs and gives you a sad smile, “I love you Y/N… completely and utterly….”

[ichor-and-symbiosis]

How do you think shiggy would react if his wife surprised him when he came home to her in heels and an apron... and nothing else 👀

anata - honey/darling, used as a term of endearment by a wife towards her husband.

“You know just where you belong, don’t you?”

The hand gripping your neck tightened ever so slightly, the back of his index finger tenderly trailing along your jaw as you wordlessly cried out from a sharp thrust. You scrambled to hold on to the edge of the table as Tomura leaned over you, whimpering at the dull ache in your thighs as he forced your legs to press closer to your chest.

In a moment of brief clarity, you caught sight of your foot dangling in the air, perfectly manicured and encased in an expensive heel, courtesy of Tomura’s credit card. It’s all for you, came a dizzying thought to your mind, and you could not help the smile that graced your lips.

Tomura slowed his frenzied thrusting into a steady grind against your sensitive clit. Each stroke caused the head of his cock to teasingly rub along your g-spot — not quite strong enough to drive you to the precipice, but firm enough to keep you wriggling and uselessly canting your hips up in encouragement.

But Tomura would not be swayed by your enticing display. “What is that cute smile?” he cooed, leaning down until his face was a hairsbreadth away from yours. The angle forced his hand to press even more against your neck, and you gasped as your airway became constricted. Tomura’s tongue darted out to lick along your upper lip. “You wanted this, you dirty slut. I should make you clean my office on all fours in this outfit while I have my meetings. Would you like that?”

He crashed his mouth against your lips before you could answer, running his tongue along yours and sucking it before pulling away with a wet pop. “Want me to put you on display for everyone to see?” he whispered shrewdly. Your cunt clenched around his thick cock in response. “Mmm, I felt that … “ You shuddered when he moved down to press light kisses along your collarbone, arching your back as you rolled your hips. “You’re always such a good girl for me. So obedient, aren’t you? So eager to show everyone that you’re mine.”

You whined as he hooked a finger into the front of your flimsy apron, and gasped when he thrusted his cock deep into you in warning. “You have something to say?” he condescendingly asked, and his nails dug into your throat for a moment before he finally released your neck and patiently waited for you to suck in a deep breath.

“I — I want — “ your voice cracked from his rough treatment, and you helplessly moaned as he laved his hot tongue over a clothed nipple. “T — Tomura, please!”

He busied himself with sucking your breast until the apron was damp from his spit, and you clenched around his cock to get his attention again. His hips had stilled entirely by now, and you were ready to lose your damn mind if he didn’t start ramming into you anytime soon.

“What is it?” he teased in a low sing-song voice, refusing to look at you as he turned his attention to your neglected breast.

The instant he nibbled on your nipple, you wove your fingers in his hair and sobbed, ”Please fuck me, Tomura! Fuck me, come inside me, please I need you so much — “

Bliss. Utter bliss.

Tomura encased your head on either side with his forearms as he pressed his face to the side of your neck and braced himself. You could do little else but wrap your arms around his shoulders and hang on for dear life as he pounded into your slick cunt, harsh panting and mewling cries intermingling with the sound of slapping wet flesh.

It wasn’t enough. You needed more, and so did he.

“I love you,” you breathily whispered into his ear. “I love you, please come for me, anata.”

Tomura stiffened and became eerily silent, yet his hips promptly pressed tightly against yours as his cock pulsed and finally flooded your insides with his warm, thick cum. You followed soon after, moaning shamelessly as your pussy clenched around him to suck in as much as it could take.

Having a grown man leaning his entire weight on you while you laid on a table was far from comfortable, but you were too spent to care. You absentmindedly ran your hands along Tomura’s back as he fought to regain his steady breathing, grimacing slightly at the feeling of his cum leaking out of you.

Finally, Tomura eased up, letting your legs fall to his hips as he kept his arm around your head and rested his forehead against yours. You blearily smiled at him, entirely too captivated by how softly he looked at you. Only you could evoke this gentle expression from him.

“Maybe I should dress up for you more often,” you snarked.

He chuckled and captured your mouth in a slow kiss. “You’re going to clean up this mess,” he murmured against your lips. “And you’re not going to wear a damn thing while doing it.”

You giggled. “Yes, sir.”

[hoes-simpin-imagines]

Hello! Can I have a Danganronpa V3, Haikyuu!! and Persona 5 matchup? I'm bi, 5'1 and a HALF (the half is important), INFP Taurus. A huge gaming addict but with a very busy daily schedule since I'm the oldest, so I usually forget to sleep or eat to compensate for gaming time. I also like to draw and play melodica (horribly). I have a hard time speaking in public, often having to send texts even though the person is right next to me. Thank you so much for accepting and have a good day!

“Then I’ll take the Haikyuu and Persona 5 ask!! Thank you so much and sorry again ( ；��；)”

No worries hon, it’s all good!!! thanks so much for requesting c: and aww sdjsjdks you’re such a cinnamon roll btw;;

your Haikyuu matchup is…

【Kenma Kozume】

(my fAVORITE boy ever how indeed very lucky of you TwT)

Despite Kenma normally coming off as a little aloof and asocial, as he’s hardly ever really concerned about the the affairs of other people or interacting with others, you two would probably click together in almost an instant! This is due to the many characteristics you two share - Both of you being quite introverted and gaming addicts. If anything, Kenma would much rather prefer someone who’s similar to him in a sense, as he already has to put up with his noisy and energetic teammates on a daily basis. Don’t worry, Kenma’s also pretty much a total noob when it comes to speaking with others in public. (He had to have Kuroo assist him with every failed attempt he’s made to try and approach you alone at first. Poor kitty would chicken out just as soon as he believed he had garnered up enough courage to make a move). 

✧headcanons✦

The two of you first encountered each other at the local GameStop that was nearby the school. A new video game was to be released in stores that day, and Kenma was pretty psyched for it. He had planned to get himself a copy right after practice that evening, and doing so, left without Kuroo. As he skimmed through the aisles, his fingers brushing against the spines of the various packaging, he quickly noticed the game he was looking for and reached out to grab it. However, his wrist instead made contact with yours. 

He was a bit startled when his catlike eyes had found you as he staggered back in his direction awkwardly, averting his gaze and muttering an apology. He decided he just let you have it as he can either come back tomorrow or buy and download the game digitally. However, he didn’t expect you to apologize so incessantly over it, urging that he take the last copy instead, while each time he would reassure you that it was completely fine with him if you just take it. It got a bit awkward for him, and it was clear he was flustered by how visibly flushed his cheeks were. Eventually he complied, reluctantly taking the copy. While doing so, he noticed Kuroo watching the interaction unfold and swiftly went the other direction before you could question. 

Of course, as soon as Kuroo caught up with him outside Kenma definitely expected he would be bothered and interrogated by him. “Who was it you were just talking to? Was it someone cute? With the look you were giving earlier, I could tell you thought so.” “Shut up, Kuroo.” 

Eventually, Kenma would see you there quite often. He thought you wouldn’t recognize him, well, at least he hoped you didn’t. He’d avoid you like the plague, not that he wanted it to look like had anything against you though. His childhood friend read into his motives fairly quickly, and he would urge him to just go for it, not tolerating the excuses he would make.

When he did finally manage to approach you though, he never expected that it was that easy to converse with you on the topic of gaming as a conversation starter, as the discussion between you two had seemed to flow naturally. Kenma completely overestimated the situation that time. 

Anyways, I doubt it would be much of a problem if you require sending texts to converse with Kenma even if he’s literally right next to you. He’s alright with keeping at it virtually. When in a social situation that seems to be nerve-wracking, Kenma would just send you some gaming related memes saved in his camera roll to console or evoke a chuckle out of you. It may weird his teammates out as they watch the two of you communicate that way, but he doesn’t really care. He also may sound a bit more outgoing than usual through text.

He enjoys watching you draw, and he may sometimes ask you to draw some of his favorite characters/mains, or even a custom player character he designed. He’d set them as his avatars on every social media platform, obviously crediting you. 

Kenma obviously enjoys playing games with you. You two would duo in League of Legends, making a formidable Xayah and Rakan. (aww :3) Since Kenma’s a Youtuber, he would stream a few of the gameplays together with your permission of course. It isn’t compulsory to talk if you’re too shy, but whenever you’re ready, he’d definitely be glad to introduce you to his growing fanbase!

Date nights would normally consist of you two inviting yourselves at either one of your guys’ houses, and ordering a box or two of pizza at the door along with it. You two would usually be up gaming the entire night, and completely losing track of time. On the first night together at Kenma’s house, Kuroo invited himself in the next morning, seeing the two of you lay snuggled together on the couch and sleeping peacefully, both controllers thrown to the side and a half-finished open box of pizza on the floor.

~ Mod Suba 🌌

and for Persona 5, your matchup is…

【Futaba Sakura/Oracle/Navi】

You two just have so much in common!! She’s also an avid fan of video games and all things tech related, which is what initially drew her to you. It took all of her courage to awkwardly confess her feelings to you, but now that you two are in a relationship, you cant even keep track of how many all nighters you both had pulled together. Since you’re the eldest sibling, and I’d assume much more responsible than her, you’re usually the one who ends up taking care of her whenever she stays up for 12 hours straight playing online games. Despite her rough past and her shy disposition, she finds it very easy to confide in you due to how much you two have in common!

✧headcanons✦

You guys manage to save up a bit of money, and with Sojiro’s permission managed to go to an anime/gaming convention in your area! Let’s just say, it was the best date ever. She ended up spending a lot of money though, and had to borrow a lot of money from you toward the end of the con. You both totally did the thing where you follow a cosplayer while playing their theme song on the melodica.

On rough days, she likes to pull you into her room and cover you both under her blanket. She will never express it verbally, but she almost always wants cuddles from you. She will subtly hint at this, by either snuggling up to you or awkwardly forcing your arm around her. She likes to sit in between your legs and lean against your chest. When you assume this cuddling position, she will sometimes text you despite the fact that you are right there! It’s a cute gesture though, and she usually sends you memes and gifs during these moments.

On her first day of highschool, she’ll definitely be on the phone with you the entire time. Being in a school environment for the first time in a while really made her nervous. During a time like this, your presence and reassurance was vital to her! Luckily, she got the hang of school life after a few weeks, and she has you to thank for that!

Since you’re both fairly short, you both struggle to get high things on shelves. Sometimes you both clean LeBlanc together, and come across a high shelf that you cant reach. She tries to get on your shoulders to reach the shelves, and when that doesnt work, Akira or Sojiro usually steps in to take care of it.

She will hypocritically scold you for skipping meals while you’re gaming. She usually ends up playing said game with you while she scolds you, which makes her tirade a lot less threatening. But that aside, she really worries about your health a lot. If she notices you’re not eating properly, she’ll force either Sojiro or Akira to make you curry and coffee. And she makes you eat it too. You’re not leaving until you’ve licked the plate clean.

~Mod Onion 👻

[loserkusen]

A Change of Heart

It’s 20-BiTeen bitches!!! In celebration the girl in this fic is bi, like yours truly, cause representation matters and if you don’t like it block me. Anyways the anticipated Julian fic.

Oh yeees 😍 can you write a jealous Julian blurb ?♥️

Based off FACE by BROCKHAMPTON 🧡

Word Count: 2,179

She never though she’ll end up in the same position again. After how hard she had worked to convince herself that love wasn’t for her and that it was okay, she found herself stuck in the same spot as always. Wishing she hadn’t started anything to begin with.

(Y/N) had been seeing Julian for a couple of months now. Due to the amount of men and women that had broken her heart, she hated admitting the feelings he evoked in her. The deep connection they had formed was nothing she had felt before which exited her, but made her fearful of the unknown emotions. So she remained guarded and made their relationship as informal as possible. No titles. No commitments. Simply two people getting along and having casual sex.

What she didn’t expect was for her to be sitting in Julian’s kitchen at 2am debating whether to return to bed with the boy she was falling for or to gather her belongings as quickly as possible and walk away from him like she had done many times before. She always felt horrible after the latter, but it was the only thing she could think of doing whenever she laid wrapped up in his arms wondering how she was going to save herself the heartbreak this time.

The sudden hand on her waist startled her causing her to jump off the kitchen stool. Luckily, the familiar arms held her up saving her the pain and embarrassment of hitting the floor.

"What are you doing up right now?" He held her closer, his feathery hair brushing against her cheek.

"I um- I couldn't sleep" she sat back down turning in the seat to face him. His sleep clouded face and shirtless body stood illuminated by the dim light peaking in through the windows. "I have a headache and was wondering if you had pain killers. I thought they'll be in the kitchen, but I couldn't find them."

"They're in the bathroom angel. You should've asked me."

“I didn’t want to wake you.” Your gaze diverted away from him. Doing anything to avoid his eyes hoping he wouldn't see your watery ones.

"You okay?" He stepped closer, his fingers caressing your cheek as he lifted your chin. Silence followed his words. She wasn't. She was quickly realizing she was far from okay. Falling for someone who seemed too good for her. Unable to accept the possibly that he could be the one exception. Slowly slipping into a state she promised she would never come close to again.

"I'm just tired Julian." He starred into her eyes for a moment before nodding and reaching for her hand. She followed him back to his room, silently getting under the covers as he searched his bathroom cabinet for the pills. Julian returned with a glass of water and a crewneck sweatshirt too.

"You should put this on. Being cold is probably going to make it worse." You pulled on his soft sweater which happened to smell like his favorite cologne. The familiar scent worked to calm you down and soon enough your stress induced headache settled down. Not much later, you felt Julian's grip on your waist tightening. His arm pulling you close to his chest was becoming a routine whenever you slept over. He held on throughout the night up until the morning. Almost as if trying to make you stay forever.

The next morning, Julian was awakened by the sound of your feet shuffling around his room. He took a deep breath not wanting to open his eyes and see you rushing to leave him once again. His sad reality hit him at the feeling of the empty spot next to him on the bed. Hesitantly, he sat up catching your attention from across the room.

"Hey Julian." She looked caught off guard as she stumbled trying to step into her boots as quickly as possible. "I didn't think you'll be up this early." She looked tense. The quiet room heightened her uneasiness as Julian remained quiet simply gazing at her. It took a couple of minutes for Julian to break the dense silence eating away at both of them.

"Do you have to leave?" His voice was faint making her feel worse for trying to leave unnoticed once again. She turned around searching for her bag trying to avoid his stare. The truth was, she did have to leave. She had to leave before she did something she regretted. Running away from him temporarily allowed her to breathe. She felt like one more moment with him would reveal the inescapable fact she had been trying to avoid for months now; she was in love with him. She was afraid her brain would win over her heart and she'll break whatever relationship they had out of fear of being mistreated again. Julian had stood up now. His hair laid flat against his forehead and various purple marks scattered around his neck. "We could go get breakfast if you want. I would cook for you, but that wouldn't be really smart." He tried to ease the tension sensing your anxious state.

"I actually promised Rachel she could meet me at my place this morning." You turned around finding him closer to you than before. "I'm probably running late at this point." Your hands searched through your bag making sure you weren’t leaving anything behind. His hand reached forward lifting your chin while his other arm wrapped around your waist. Slowly, he leaned in, his lips just hoovering over yours. unable to resist the urge, you leaned forward pressing your lips to his. He pulled you closer, the kiss quickly escalating. After a minute that felt simultaneously like just a second and an eternity, he pulled back but remained close to you.

"Why cant you just stay? At least one time." He stood over you, his eyes trying to read the true emotions hiding behind yours. You stood quietly allowing yourself to lean into his touch. "You always leave (Y/N). I don't understand why." The frustration in his calm voice pulled at your heartstrings.

"Julian I have to go. I'm not doing this right now." You turned on your heel making your way out of his room and straight towards his front door. It was impossible to stop the tears as you walked outside towards your car. Knowing Julian wouldn't follow you, you remained inside your car taking deep breaths to calm your heavy breathing before starting the car on your way to your house.

"I don't know what to do Rachel!" You had been arguing with your best friend over your situation for over an hour at this point. It was all pointless. The conversation just kept going in circles.

"Just admit that you're in love with him and let him know! He wants you (Y/N). I don't understand how you can't see that." She sat on your couch nonchalantly causing your irritation to rise.

"You just don't understand Rachel. How many times did someone else seem to want me before? And how many times did that not end up with me crying over them to you?" You ran your hands through your hair in utter exasperation at the inability to do anything to help yourself. "I don't want to get hurt again. I promised this wouldn't happen to me again, Rachel."

"Just give him a chance (Y/N). He's Julian! Not some trashy guy I warned you about before. He's just as fucked over by the fact that you're not together yet as you are." Tears you thought you couldn't have anymore began to stream down your face again for what seemed like the hundredth time in just a couple hours. "Come here." You slowly walked to your best friend who sat waiting with open arms. You buried your face into her neck silently letting it all out. She knew how much this was hurting you even if you were the only one overthinking the situation. You sat with her for a couple minutes, her hand soothingly running up and down your back. The quiet moment was interrupted by the front door opening revealing a distressed Julian who just stared at the both of you. Quickly you wiped your tears standing up feeling the lump in your throat returning.

"Julian, what are you doing here?" The tension you felt before had returned, only this time it was worse. You saw Rachel shifting behind you probably just uncomfortable as you were.

"I wanted to talk to you. I didn't know I was intruding I'm sorry. I'll leave." His voice was higher than normal hinting that he was trying his hardest to hold back. You stayed quiet simply staring back at Julian who still stood in your living room despite his words.

"You're not intruding. I was about to go." Rachel broke the silence quickly grabbing her phone and walking out the house before you could stop her. Julian remained quiet even with Rachel gone which left you no other option but to start the inevitable conversation you had been dreading.

"What do you want to talk about Julian." You sat back down hoping he would follow.

"You know why I'm here (Y/N)." Tip toeing around the subject wasn't going to help either of you.

"Don't be ambiguous Julian. Please get to the point." He took a deep breath before unleashing everything he had been holding in.

“What are you waiting for?” His words instantly jab at your heart. “Do you just want to sleep around with me for eternity? Do you just want someone to not be alone?” You kept quiet knowing he had every right to complain. “What do you want us to be?” He turned his body towards you now hoping to get a response from you.

"It’s not that easy, Julian.” You knew that's not what he wanted to hear, but that was sadly the only thing you could come up with without completely breaking down.

“Do you even really want to be with me? Do you want to be with somebody else? Do you want to be with Rachel?” The comment instantly caused you to snap your head towards him.

“What are you talking about?” Out of everything he could have said this was the last thing you could've thought about.

“I just don’t understand what you want! We spend every second possible together. We talk about everything. And no matter how much closer I think I get to you, you always walk away. You walk back to her. And if that's what you want, then that's okay. Just tell me. Talk to me. Don't ignore whats going on.” You shook your head not knowing how to express every single thought that was currently running through your mind.

"Julian it is definitely not what you think. I don't want to be with Rachel. She's just my best friend and the only one I've been able to talk to about this whole mess. She's not part of it." You instantly shut down his suspicion moving on to the painful part. "And I don't blame you, okay? Not even I know what I want at this point." The tears unwillingly resurfaced. "I just want to be happy." You gave up all composure you had, immediately slumping forward dropping your face into your hands. Not two seconds passed before Julian was next to you holding you close to him.

"I'm sorry." You shook your head.

"No Julian. This isn't on you. It's on me. We're in this mess because I don't trust myself to be in a relationship again. Every time I try, everything goes wrong. I don't want that again." You finally looked up to see him. His eyes soft and empathetic. “You have no idea how many times I’ve been fucked over Julian. How many times I’ve been lied to.”

“I would never lie to you.” You smiled reaching for his hand, squeezing it softly.

"I know. And that's why I don't want to fuck this up for us." Julian pulled his hand back placing both of them on your shoulders now.

"Listen. I know people have treated you wrong, okay? I can see it. You’re hurt. You don’t trust that we'll work out. You don't believe I can love you. But you’re wrong this time, baby.” He smiled looking at you wishfully. "You're completely wrong."

“I’m being cautious Julian.” The more he spoke the less your argument seemed valid.

“You’re being cautious with the wrong person. I just want to love you." You sat up moving towards him now, his arms instantly on your waist pulling you onto his lap. He pressed kisses against your face as he held you tightly. You held his cheek, your fingers ghosting over the light stubble, as Julian moved forward capturing your lips in a gentle kiss.

"Good thing I already love you, Julian." You felt his lips forming a smile as you mumbled the words into the kiss.

"I know you do." He pressed his lips against yours once more. "Because I do too."

[centrally-unplanned]

I finished Violet Evergarden last night (meh, 5/10 show), and I am trying to put my finger on what bothers me so much about this kind of show, the melodramatic Deep Feels shows. Okay, so in one episode the titular character works with an astronomer student, and we learn that both his parents are gone, and he sits in the record room out of fear of pursuing his dream of collecting rare books due to the danger. Ofc he learns to Embrace His Destiny and Not Hold Back in big tearful scenes. And thats it, I pretty much just summarized his whole character (he wants to fuck Violet, I guess)

These kind of arcs dont work for two reasons, I think. A: We know nothing about this guy. You cant spend 10 minutes giving me the entire essence of a person’s life struggle and resolving it, that can only be the most shallow interpretation. No one resolves problems like that! The themes chosen are bargain-bin basic boring genre bellweathers for a reason, its all you have time to do.

B: These kind of problems just arent the real problems people face? Oh, you are going fulfill your dream with true passion? What about when your dream turns out to be 90% grant applications and paperwork? What about when it turns out it pays shit and you just want to, you know, be able to afford things cause all your friends can? I think I just have zero tolerance at this point for problems that exist *only* in media, that only refer back to *other media*. Real people are not constrained by “choosing to pursue your dream!”. If you want to evoke Deep Feels, start with actual ones.

[wistfulcynic]

Another Brick In The Wall: Chapter 8

a/n: Effusive thanks to @hollyethecurious for the artwork! I love it so much! Thanks also to everyone for reading, commenting, kudos-ing, and reblogging! I'm so pleased by the way people have been engaging with this story. Love you all xxx

Summary: Emma Swan, sheriff’s daughter, mayor’s niece, quarterback’s girlfriend, is the undisputed princess of Storybrooke High. She is smart and confident and used to getting what she wants. What she wants is Killian Jones, the new boy in school. But Killian is not easily manipulated, and reluctant to allow the dark secrets in his past to touch the girl he is rapidly falling in love with.

Rating: T

Read it on AO3: Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8

Tags for: @darkcolinodonorgasm @jennjenn615 and @resident-of-storybrooke

Chapter 8: 

Killian was out of school for a week, for a “mental health break” he called it with a chuckle, apparently a term he’d gotten from Dr Hopper. He saw the psychiatrist daily during this break and spent the rest of his time at the harbour with Liam, working on their boat, reading, playing his guitar, and talking with his brother about everything that had happened. 

“We’ve hashed it all out in excruciating detail,” he told Emma as they sat together in the boat’s cabin, she working on her college essays while he practiced a new song. “It’s such a relief to be able to really talk to Liam again. There was a time when we had no secrets between us. He showed me all the information he had collected on Milah and her situation. Apparently her divorce is almost finalised and next month she’s starting a job teaching English in Japan.” He smiled. “She’ll like that, a chance to travel. What she always wanted.” 

“Hmmmph,” said Emma, glaring at the screen of her laptop as she typed rapidly. 

“Swan,” he admonished, giving her a mock scowl as he strummed a chord at her. 

Emma slammed her hands down on the keyboard. “Killian, I just don’t know how you can be so forgiving after what she did to you.” 

He set the guitar aside and his expression became serious. “I have to be, don’t you see?” he asked, looking at her intently. “I can’t hold on to my anger or it will eat me alive. I didn’t even realise how angry I was until Dr Hopper helped me see it, and how by not acknowledging it, allowing myself to feel it, and then letting it go, I was only hurting myself. Besides, I did genuinely care about Milah, and I’m glad she’s finally in a place where she can be happy.” 

“Hmmmmph.” Emma concentrated on deleting the gibberish she’d produced by her attack on the keyboard.

“A place that doesn’t include me,” said Killian brightly, picking up the guitar again and plucking out a cheery tune. “That’s good, isn’t it Swan?”

“I suppose so,” she grumbled. “Though I’d still prefer if the place was dark and scary and full of nettles.” He laughed heartily at that and she couldn’t hold back an answering smile. “Hey, I’m nearly done with this, will you read it over and make sure it’s okay? Just check my grammar and punctuation and stuff.”

“Of course, love, though I’m sure it’s already brilliant.” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Freed from the weight of his worry and guilt, Killian gradually began to smile more easily, and his witty, teasing nature (“cheeky git,” Liam called him, his voice irritated but with a relief so profound it bordered on joy in his eyes) came more readily to the fore. When he returned to school the following Monday, he moved through the halls with a swagger that Emma had never seen on him before. Unlike the arrogant, bullying one that Neal always had Killian’s evoked a simple self-assurance that she had to concede looked really good on him. Despite how much emotional baggage he still had to work through he clearly wasn’t burdened by shame anymore, and equally clearly did not intend to take any crap from anyone. 

This made itself evident that morning when he shut his locker and turned towards his first class, only to find himself confronted by Felix and Rufio. 

“Really, chaps?” he said, raising an eyebrow at them. “You couldn’t even wait until after school so you could chuck me into the bins, like proper high school bullies?”

This mockery went clean over the other boys’ heads, and they continued to block his path, trying to look intimidating while also trying not to be intimidated by Killian’s calm demeanor and his amused expression. 

Felix, the sligtly cleverer of the two, suspected he was being laughed at but couldn’t put his finger on why. He didn’t like it. 

Bristling, he sneered at Killian. “Bet you think you’ve won,” he snarled. “Now that Neal’s in jail and out of the way. Now you can move in on Emma like you did on that—” he broke off as Killian stepped into his space. There wasn’t much difference in height between them, but somehow Felix had the impression of Killian towering over him, his face calm but his eyes darkly furious, and for once in his life he felt a stab of genuine fear. 

“I’m only going to say this once,” growled Killian in the new, lower register his voice had taken on more often of late, “So you’d better listen carefully. Your mate Neal is a criminal, and not even a good one. He’s in jail because he’s stupid, and that’s nothing to do with me. I have no doubt it’s where he’d always have ended up eventually. Bit of advice: If you’re going to steal confidential information, don’t take pictures of the evidence on your phone, and definitely don’t then show those pictures to the sheriff’s daughter. Neal got what he deserved. I now consider this matter closed, and if you or anyone else—” he raised his voice so that the rapidly assmbling crowd of onlookers could all hear, “—tries to take it any further, you will not care for the repercussions.” 

Felix wasn’t sure what “repercussions” were, but the hint of repressed violence in Killian’s manner made him keen not to find out. He had always been content to follow Neal, less out of respect for the other boy than a simple unwillingness to make a thing out of Neal’s belligerent insistence that he should be the one in charge, but he’d always sensed that there wasn’t much substance underneath Neal’s bluster. Killian however didn’t bluster. He simply stated facts, and Felix could tell that he was not the sort of person to make a threat he couldn’t back up with action. Perhaps it was time to step out of Neal’s shadow, thought Felix, and take over leadership of their little gang. He certainly couldn’t do a worse job of it than Neal had, and escalating a pointless conflict with a guy who looked prepared to fight dirty if necessary was much more Neal’s style than Felix’s. He nodded at Killian, and stepped back. Rufio looked surprised but followed his lead. 

Killian nodded back then transferred his glare to the crowd of onlookers, which had grown considerably in the past thirty seconds and now included Emma and Ruby, he could see out of the corner of his eye. “As for what you may have heard about me,” he said, loudly enough for all to hear. “It’s all true.” He smirked for a moment as a gasp went through the crowd, then his expression hardened. “It’s also no one’s business but mine, and those in whom I choose to confide. This is all I have to say on the subject. Now, if you’ll all excuse me I don’t wish to be late for class.” He slung his satchel over his shoulder and headed down the hall, turning his head briefly to shoot Emma a wink. People moved aside to let him pass and as soon as he had turned the corner furious whispering erupted in his wake. 

Ruby pursed her lips. “I may have underestimated him,” she remarked. 

Emma’s heart was pounding, a familiar occurrence where Killian was concerned, but this time it felt different. She’d been worried about how he would react to the ineveitable curiosity and questions from their classmates, but this smooth handling of a potentially explosive situation instead of calming her fears instead filled her with the wild desire to run after him, to fling herself into his arms and kiss them both breathless. 

“He’s just so wonderful,” she sighed, and Ruby laughed. 

“Down, girl,” she teased. “I’ll grant you this one’s worth your time, unlike the douchemaster general, but remember we’re in school. No one wants to see that.” 

Emma rolled her eyes and gave her friend a shove, but the butterflies continued rhumba-ing around her insides, this time accompanied by an odd, hollow sort of ache as she remembered her resolution not to pursue Killian anymore. She was now all but certain that she loved him, that beyond the hot, tingly sensation she always felt in his presence lay a profound devotion. She would do anything for him, sacrifice anything to give him what he needed, and that terrified her. For the first time in her life Emma felt vulnerable, exposed, as though her chest were torn open and her heart lain bare to the mercies of fate and one gorgeous, troubled boy. She hated it. Even knowing that Killian would never intentionally hurt her was no consolation when the truth was that he could hurt her simply by caring deeply for her as a friend. If that was all she could ever have from him she would take it, she knew, without pushing for more, but it would be a wound on her heart that would never heal. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“He’s a bully,” shrugged Killian at lunchtime, when Emma, this time accompanied by a very inquisitive Ruby, found him in the library. “Bullies are just cowards at their core, and cowards are easy to intimidate. He won’t do anything because he won’t want to call my bluff. I might not be able to back it up but he’ll be too scared to risk finding out.” 

“And what would you have done if he had called your bluff?” inquired Ruby. 

Killian shrugged again. “Probably got the shit kicked out of me.” 

“Would you have, though?” Ruby pressed, watching him through narrowed eyes.

He returned her stare with a look of wide-eyed innocence. “There were two of them to only one of me. Seems inevitable.” 

“Does it?” Ruby’s disbelief was almost palpable, and having fenced with Killian for months now Emma shared her friend’s suspicion that he was deliberately underplaying his fighting skills.

“Let’s hope we never have to find out,” said Killian with a small smile, in a tone of voice that made it clear he would answer no more questions on the subject. “I quite like my face arranged the way it is.” 

“It is a nice face,” said Ruby with a wolfish grin that widened as Killian’s ears turned pink. “But I didn’t come here just to flatter you. Victor asked me to ask you if he could have your phone number.”

“My number?” Killian blinked in surprise. 

“Yeah, there’s some concert in Portland and he doesn’t have anyone to go with and he thought you might be interested.” 

“Um, sure, I guess.” Killian rattled off the number and Ruby sent Victor a text. A minute later his phone buzzed and he looked at it, snorting as he read the message. “Bit of a wanker, your boyfriend,” he remarked to Ruby. 

“I don’t know what that is but I’m somehow sure that Victor is one,” smirked Ruby. “Is that gonna be a problem?”

“Not at all, I’m rather fond of wankers,” said Killian absently as he typed his reply. “My brother is one, after all.” His phone buzzed again almost instantly and he raised an eyebrow at what he read on it. 

“Ems, I think maybe we should leave the boys to their chat,” said Ruby, and as much as she hated to sacrifice free time with Killian, from the way he was fixated on his phone, his expression almost gleeful as he typed rapidly, Emma had to admit she was probably right. 

“Okay,” she said. “See you in class in a few minutes, Killian. And maybe hang out after school?”

“Hmmm? Oh, I have an appointment with Dr Hopper at four, but I can text you when I’m done.”

“Okay.” She smiled at him but his attention was back on his phone, so she followed Ruby out of the library trying not to feel too disgruntled. Killian should have other friends, she told herelf firmly, male ones who shared his interests. That was normal, and he could use some normal in his life right now.  

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Over the next few weeks, things at school settled back into a routine, albeit one that was markedly different than it had been. Neal had been officially arrested after David’s investigation, charged with burglary, theft, and theft of a medical record, and was facing up to five years in prison. His parents had put up their house as collateral to pay his bail, but weren’t allowing him to return to school. 

“Not much point when he’ll just go straight back to the slammer after he’s sentenced,” said Ruby viciously. “So much for that football scholarship he was so cocky about.”

Emma tried to find some compassion for Neal and what was basically the wreck and ruin of his future, but couldn’t dredge up a single particle of it. He had committed several felonies for no other reason than to stick it to Killian for outsmarting him and for becoming her friend, and he’d committed them flagrantly and with no thought to the consequences. He’d probably thought there wouldn’t be any consequences. Killian was right: Neal deserved everything that was coming to him, if only for being so colossally, arrogantly stupid. 

People still whispered about Killian as he walked through the halls but true to character he paid little attention. He did, however, gradually began to open up more and allow more of himself to show through his defences, willingly participating in classes and talking to people other than Emma and Ruby. By the time finals week arrived had actually made a few friends. 

Killian reflected wryly that in a twisted sort of way Neal had done him a favour. With all his secrets now out on the open he was free to embrace the opportunity for a new life he’d found in Storybrooke. Not that there had been anything particularly wrong with the old life, at least since his father had finally left. He’d been a mean old drunk, Brennan Jones, and by the time he’d been forced to flee his creditors for good, stealing a boat from Bristol harbour and melting into the offshore underworld, his sons had been glad to see the back of him. Killian thought about what he himself had been like back then, before Milah, and even though it had only been about a year since he’d first become involved with her so much had changed both in his circumstances and in himself, he feared that hopeful, enthusiastic boy was lost forever. Who exactly had taken his place was the question Killian had asked himself daily for weeks now, and he still wasn’t sure how to answer it. He’d become so used to holding everything in, to keeping such a tight rein on his thoughts and feelings that letting them out, accepting that it was okay to express them had become almost unbelievably difficult. The only person he felt even remotely comfortable being fully himself with aside from Liam was Emma, whose support and friendship remained unwavering as he bumbled and struggled thorough the reclamation of his life, and he remained intensely grateful for it. 

Only one thing about Emma troubled him-- that she no longer seemed to be interested in anything beyond his friendship. All the little hints and cues she had been giving him since they’d met were suddenly gone, and while he was relieved to be free of the added stress of constantly resisting something that part of him desperately wanted, he couldn’t help wondering if there was a darker motivation for this abrupt about-face. Perhaps, whispered an evil little voice in his head, Emma was actually more disgusted by his past than she let on and was simply too kind to tell him directly. Maybe the thought of him touching her turned her stomach now. He certainly couldn’t blame her if it did.   

“What do you want from your relationship with Emma?” asked Dr Hopper one afternoon, after Killian had finally brought himself to mention the change in her behaviour. “Do you want it to be romantic?”

Killian frowned, struggling to sort through the complex tangle of his feelings about and for Emma. “I don’t want a romantic relationship with anyone,” he said finally. “I still feel too messed up for anything like that. But I— I’m still really attracted to her. I think about her all the time, about how we kissed at her party, and I want to kiss her again pretty much constantly, but then I remember Milah and how I thought I felt about her, and I just—” 

“You don’t trust your judgement.” 

“Yeah.” 

“Killian, it’s important for you to remember that you have a much more equal relationship with Emma than you ever did with Milah.”

“Equal, with Emma?” Killian snorted. “You have met her, right?”

Dr Hopper smiled patiently. “I understand that you feel she’s beyond your reach, and that’s a separate issue, but what I mean by equal is that she’s your age and at your stage of life. With Milah you were constantly struggling to relate to her life and her experiences, and when you couldn’t you attempted to make up for that by offering her the affection and sexual attention she craved. You forced yourself to offer these things even though you didn’t genuinely feel them because you feared the consequences of not offering them. But with Emma there is no need to manufacture anything. She is placing no demands on you and therefore any attraction and affection you feel for her is genuine.”

“But what should I do about it?”

“Why should you have to do anything? You said you’re not ready for a romantic relationship, and that’s fine. Let yourself heal. The process is slow and frustrating, but believe me you are making progress. Let your feelings for Emma and your relationship with her develop at a pace that is comfortable for you. From what you’ve said it sounds like she will still be there when, if, you’re ready for more.” 

“It’s more than likely she no longer wants more. And even if she did, what happens when she meets someone who isn’t so hopelessly fucked up? Then where does that leave me?”

“Why don’t you worry about that if —not when— it happens?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On the last day before winter break, Emma nervously approached Killian’s locker and handed him an invitation to her parents’ annual Christmas party addressed to him and Liam. 

“It’s just a thing they do every year for their friends and our neighbours,” she began to ramble as he examined the card, certain he would refuse and wanting to delay that painful moment. “My mom loves to entertain, and my dad says it’s good for building a rapport between law enforcement and the community, and—”

“Swan,” interrupted Killian, giving her that soft, indulgent look that said he knew exactly what she was thinking. “I’m sure we’d love to attend. Thank you for inviting us.” 

The butterflies soared in a grand jeté, and she felt like she was flying with them. “Great,” she said trying to keep her voice calm, “I guess I’ll see you then.”

Her delighted smile made his breath catch, and his answering grin set her heart galloping. Their eyes met and held, and as the end of semester chaos whirled around them they stood a breath apart, swathed in frustrated yearning and brittle tension, the only two people in the world.  

Then the final bell rang, and they leapt apart, Emma smoothing her skirt with shaking hands while Killian ran his own trembling fingers through his hair. 

“So, onion rings at Granny’s?” ventured Emma, wanting to kick herself for making him nervous again, after all her resolutions, hoping desperately he wouldn’t pull away. 

Killian sighed in relief, tinged with a hint of disappointment. Granny’s was safe. “Sounds perfect, love,” he said. 

[sarcasmfish]

Just Good Friends

Cullen and the Inquisitor spend a night together working on Inquisition matters, but late nights draw off the conscience and evoke an affection the stark light of day would otherwise burn away.

Cullen Rutherford x Talia Trevelyan

Read here on AO3

Good friends, she reminded herself again.  They were just good friends.

She was sitting on the small couch in her room, leaned back against the arm with her legs tucked beneath her.  Cullen sat on the plush rug before the couch, reclined against the arm for support. Reports, maps, and inventories of troop numbers were neatly arranged around him on the floor.

It was late and he was down to his shirtsleeves.  The commander had long since shrugged off the fur mantle and armor despite the chill that lingered through the room.

There was a missive going unread in her hands.  A similar stack of papers sat on the other side of the couch, waiting with guilty presence for her attention.

She had been watching Cullen instead of completing her work.

He was intent.  The cuffs of his sleeves were rolled up to his forearms.  They had not actually spoken to each other for several hours.  She watched him pluck two papers from a stack to compare, scribble something on one, and then return them to different piles.  Sometimes he merely signed his name, a large looping but neat signature, and then stacked the paper off to the side.

He reached for a different map that lay in a roll a few feet from him.  The muscles in his back were easy to watch through the light shirt and Talia found herself ducking behind the missive in her hand, only her eyes peeking over the top, despite the fact that his back was to her.  He leaned back against the couch again with a weary sigh, his shoulder resting against her knees as he unfurled the map.

The touch jolted her from her reverie, but she did not move away.  She was almost ashamed at what a thrill the little contact sent through her. It felt like such a high honor that he had deemed her and her alone worthy of such close company.  Well, she thought it was her and her alone, but she was often gone for great swaths of time, so…

Silly, childish thoughts, her mind chided.  Stop this at once.  He’s the commander of your armies and you are leader of the Inquisition, not a girl and not a lady to be courted.  You haven’t been a lady to be courted for over a decade!

Despite the bullying from the wiser parts of her conscience her heart hurt.  It was nice to fantasize being something special to someone dear. And not so nice to be reminded of the harsh truths of reality.

“Cullen?” she called, voice soft in the old silence surrounding them and sounding far too wounded for the feared, powerful leader she was supposed to be.

Despite his fierce focus he turned his head to her at once.

“Something wrong?”

The dim firelight made his eyes seem molten and far too filled with concern.  It only served to do further damage to her thumping heart. She cursed the weakness and worked to put something of a smirk on her lips.

“It’s getting late.”

He returned the smirk and the chill in the room disappeared.  That twist to his lips and cant of the scar above them did other things to her heart.

“If you’re trying to get rid of me, Inquisitor, you need only say.”

“Is that all it takes?” she replied coyly.

“I’m not one to disobey a lady who could set fire to me.”

“Hmm, according to the novel Cassandra lent me, the knight should fight for his lady to show his true conviction for her.”

“But what would it look like to my men if you had the guards throw me from your room?”

He flashed such a roguish grin at her she could not help but laugh.  He joined her and before she could school herself she reached out to ruffle the crown of his hair.  She jerked back her hand after the impulse.  He spent such time and care on his appearance.  Instead of chastising her he seemed to only laugh harder.

The late time and stress fueled the giggles that broke through the two, rendering them a tearful mess of laughter.  When the silly mood subsided into mutual grins Cullen swept the heels of his hands over his eyes and then turned back to his paperwork.

“Let me finish these last orders and then I will retire.”

She bobbed her head in a little nod he could not see and attempted to return her wandering attention to the paper still clutched in her hand.

Her attention did not last long.  The dimming firelight and weariness that tugged at her eyes lulled her into that vulnerable loneliness again.

She drifted from the stale paper to the back of Cullen’s head.  He was holding the map in outstretched arms again.  The locks of his hair had long escaped the rigid confines he had sculpted them into that morning, but her ruffling had served to severely agitate them.  The product he had used now assisted the rebellious tresses in standing and twisting at odd angles.  A few of them had arranged themselves into a little horns like that of a young Quinari. It made her smile.  He looked so youthful and free from the burdens that any other time dug into his shoulders.

He had leaned further into the edge of the couch, the back of his shoulders now almost flush with her shins.  She was entranced with the warmth and closeness of him and before her rational mind could catch her she found herself reaching out to smooth down the stray hairs atop his head.

She felt Cullen freeze, watched as his shoulders stiffened and she immediately yanked her traitorous hand away.

Her mind was already roiling with admonishments for her impulsive and stupid act when he spoke.

“You didn’t have to stop.” His voice was soft, not in the usual kind way he spoke to her, but tentative and unsure, something so rare to hear from the commander of armies.

He did not turn his head from the map, but she could tell he was bracing himself.  Was he waiting for her to dismiss him?  To mock him?  To harm him?

She reached out again, willing her fingers not to tremble as they brushed over his hair again.  Though she could feel the remnant of whatever wax he used to tame his curls in the morning his hair was soft against her palm. The strands coiled around her fingers and tickled against her skin.

The tension held so taught in Cullen’s shoulders ebbed out and encouraged boldness in her.  She let her fingers fall deeper into his mane, weaving through the curls with each gentle stroke of her hand.

The map in his hands drooped, his head tilting back toward her.  Though he faced away from her, she suspected his eyes might have slipped closed.

“That feels divine,” he rumbled, his voice a gravely octave that warmed her blood.  “But I’ll never finish if you continue.”

Her hand paused its journey at the nape of his neck.

“Did you want me to stop?”

“Maker, no,” he breathed without hesitation.

She continued to card her fingers through his hair, her movements slow and lazy.  At one point she grew braver and turned the blunt tips of her fingernails to drag along his scalp and Talia could have sworn the groan he elicited almost set her on fire.

The candlelight around them grew dim and some began to gutter in their holders.  Her rhythmic strokes through his hair began to falter as the room around her became woolen, the colors muted in growing darkness. Her eyes burned and blinking became a chore, her lids now weighing more than she could easily lift.

At some point she must have lost the battle to sleep for when she woke Cullen had arranged his work into a neat stack, ready for transport.  He was standing, looking a bit uncertain as to what his next step would be.  When she turned her bleary gaze up to him he crouched in front of her, resting a light hand upon her knee.

“It’s rather late.” His voice was low, almost a whisper, as if he were still afraid of waking her.  “We should get some rest.”

She felt a panic crawl through her, an irrational thing that clawed at her chest.  He was leaving.

“I should help you carry all of that back to your room.”

He scooped the maps and documents up into an arm as she stood, a private smile on his lips.

“Thank you, but I will manage.”  He looked her over a moment and she felt herself almost shrink under his bronze gaze. “You need rest and soon it will be morning.”

She nodded her understanding, but felt her shoulders slump.

Cullen stood before her, shifting his weight from one foot to the other.  She had expected him to leave without another word, but it seemed there was more he was fighting to say.  She peered up at him, willing him to speak his mind, even if a dismissal of the intimacy they had just shared would squash the warm bubble within her.

Instead of speaking he reached out to her with his free hand.  It hung in the air a moment as if he were gathering his courage before his fingers met the fine hairs at her temple.  He combed through her hair, around the shell of her ear and down over the stands that fell just past her shoulder.  His eyes followed his fingers.  They were distant and full of wonder, as if he had laid his hands upon fire and not been burned.

He looked back to meet her, his fingers still twirled within the ends of her hair.  She watched him swallow, watched him try to gather and arrange his words before he could speak them.

“Tomorrow,” he was watching her lips as he spoke.  “Allow me to return the kindness?”

Words and thoughts were becoming wisps of smoke, eluding her grasp with each attempt.  She merely nodded, unwilling to trust that coherent words would form at her lips.

The smile Cullen wore as he loosed his fingers from her hair was generous and peaceful.  His eyes remained on her until he made the turn to descend the stairs from her room.

When the door closed behind him she finally let go of the breath she had been holding.

Just good friends?

[jestbee]

hey i dont even know if u take prompts or anything and i know ur super busy with Ships and other things but when phil tweeted about watching baby driver and how he cant drive i just thought of him and dan going up to phils parents house on holiday and phil taking the car so they could go somewhere like grocery shopping or to get take out or whatever and them kinda freaking out and laughing bc phil hasnt driven in so long and. yeah. like maybe for future reference? if u need a fic idea? idk lol

This probably wasn’t what you wanted. I honestly intended to have them freak out or for something to go wrong but they just got all soft on me and then... yeah. This happened. 

Hope you enjoy it anyway. 

This was totally just for writing warm-up so it’s really rough and unedited and will only be posted here, not on AO3 :)

Also I always like having a bunch of prompts in my inbox just for occasions like this so - keep ‘em coming everyone!

---

"I'm really not sure this is a good idea," Dan says, hesitating with his hand on the door handle even though he heard the central locking click under his fingers.

"It's fine."

The problem with Phil was that he bumbled into these things, over confident, flippant almost, joyful in this assumption that things would be fine. And it never seemed to faze him when they weren't. Which worked fine for the moments he jumped too quickly on a computer game, sure he'd be okay to do it only to plummet to his death. Sure, it wasted a life and Dan could get eye strain from rolling them so hard but no one was actually physically harmed in all of that. This was a different matter.

"You haven't driven in ages."

He still doesn't move, just looks at him over the car roof as Phil pulls the door open and ducks into the driver's seat, out of his line of vision.

"So?" he says as he does.

Dan tries bending to look through the window but Phil is fiddling with the seatbelt and resolutely ignoring him so getting in the car is the only thing for it.

"So what if you have an accident?" Dan says sliding into the passenger seat.

"I won't," Phil shrugs.

"I want you to know that I'm putting my life in your hands," Dan says clicking his own seatbelt into place as Phil starts the engine.

"I have driven before," Phil notes sliding the car into gear.

"Yes," Dan nods, "And I feared for my life then too. It was ages ago."

"Shut up," Phil says, lifting his foot on the clutch so the car begins to move backwards. "I need to concentrate."

Phil twists in his seat to look out of the back window.

"You're not meant to do that," Dan reprimands, completely ignoring Phils request for him to shut up. "Use your damn mirrors."

"I prefer doing it this way."

Dan curls a hand around the seat and grips. It's not going to do anything if they do have an accident, and he's mostly convinced that it won't actually happen, but he can't help doing it anyway.

He stays quiet at they pull out of the drive. He'd known it was dangerous when Mr Lester brought it up over dinner the night before, but had managed to remain silent on the issue even as they were ringing up to put Phil on the insurance that morning, only because he hadn't really thought Phil would go through with it. It wasn't until he'd caught sight of the wildly enthusiastic look in Phil's eye as his dad passed him the keys that Dan knew it was actually going to happen.

"You can open your eyes," Phil says.

Dan hadn't realised he'd closed them.

When he does open them he's greeted with the sight of Phil competently moving the car down the road. Something about the way Phil changes gear and checks his side mirror at the same time as they navigate a junction makes Dan's stomach flip.

"You like it now."

It's Dan's turn to tell Phil to shut up, but he doesn't.

"It's fine, I know I'm all manly and stuff driving my dad's Volvo."

Dan snorts and whacks Phil's bicep with the back of his hand. "You spork."

Dan begins to relax as they navigate a few more junctions without incident, even leans over to fiddle with the radio.

"I'm glad we could get out today," Phil says.

"Yeah, s'good."

"I thought we wouldn't be able to when the trains were cancelled."

"I mean, it wouldn't have been the end of the world if we hadn't gone, Phil." Dan points out, "It was just an idea."

"No," Phil insists, reaching a hand over to squeeze at Dan's thigh, "I want to go. We haven't been back in ages."  

"Both hands on the wheel," Dan admonishes him, but his voice is fond and his face is moreso.

When they get further into the centre of town it starts to get busier and Phil's brow furrows in concentration as they make their slow way in, navigating around the one way system and roadworks that send them through a diversion at one point.

Dan slips his hand on to the back of Phil's neck as runs his fingers into the short hair at his nape.

"I'm beginning to like the car thing," Dan says.

"I'm not," Phil squints, and Dan can see the telltale  signs of travel sickness setting in as Phil has to concentrate on the road. This is usually the point on the train Phil would close his eyes, stop trying to focus on anything at all seeing as how it's the movement and focussing which tends to make him feel queasy.

"Can't do this on the train though," Dan says, fluttering his hand again, ruffling Phil's hair.

Phil's head pushing back in to the touch and he lets out a little hum.

"Keep doing it til we get there?" Phil asks shyly, "It's helping."

Dan nods thought Phil can't really see him and keeps up the gentle rhythm of his fingers.

They make it to the car park and Phil sighs when he turns off the engine.

"I'm beginning to remember why I didn't like driving," he says, head leaning back on the headrest.

"We got here in one piece though," Dan points out, "no horrific accidents or anything."

Phil rolls his neck until he's looking at Dan and pouts.

"Come on," Dan encourages him, "Let's go be stupid sentimental idiots and get coffee at Starbucks."

"Think our sofa will be free?" Phil asks ever hopeful, even though it hasn't been free the last few times they've come back.

"Maybe."

"How did we manage to claim it every time back in the day?" Phil asks as they get out of the car, the central locking clicking again as the doors lock behind them.

"We must have just looked nauseatingly pathetic," Dan suggests, "No one wanted to stop us being all weird and codependent."

"We're still weird and codependent," Phil insists, "Just… with shorter hair."

Dan smiles and shoves his hands in his pockets. He's still hesitant about the public thing, probably always will be. Phil is too, he can just get away with looking a bit fonder every now and again because he doesn't have a broody socially awkward persona to maintain.

They step into the lift of the multi storey car park and make their way down to street level, their feet knowing the way before they even think about it. The car is new, the destination isn't.

"Will you be okay driving back?" Dan asks, drifting a little closer so that his elbow brushes Phil's.

"Yeah," Phil assures him, "Traffic should be lighter and I know the way now so I won't have to concentrate as hard."

They have coffee, and it's the same as it always is and there isn't much remarkable about the place except the memories that it evokes. They take the opportunity of being in Manchester city centre to visit a few other places and Dan buys yet another pair of shoes even though Phil insists he doesn't need them. Phil ends up getting a jumper with whales on it that Dan rolls his eyes at fondly in the next shop so they end up even in the disapproved purchase stakes.

It's dark by the time they make it back to the car, plastic bags swinging from their hands.

"I had a good day," Dan says, smiling widely as they get in.

"Me too."

Neither of them are surprised. Just being with each other has always meant it would be a good day, regardless of what they're doing. The nostalgia has been nice though.

Dan feels his head sinking ten minutes into the drive home. The orange streetlights are flashing across his face at rhythmic intervals and it begins to rain so that the soft patter of it on the window is a comforting sound, bracketed by the soft swish of the windscreen wipers across the glass.

Dan lets his head drop against the window and closes his eyes, he feels himself begin to drift into sleep, relaxed and happy. He lets himself slide into unconsciousness, confident in the knowledge that Phil will get them home.

[julesvalebright]

Ask for a Match and I’ll Give You a Wildfire

“Something like that could be extremely dangerous, Julrien-”

                            “I know. When my mother- I just need to know if I can do it.”

“... there might be a way.”

Feywren’s words repeated over and over in his head as he paced the length of the elegant foyer, the soles of his worn leather boots tapping lightly across the smooth, blue tile. It had been a last minute decision to call on his sister, and even less thought had been put into this- his first ever visit to what was once his father’s home, at one time a monumental undertaking in his eyes. But when it came to the one thing he had been thinking about, the one thing that mattered most in all this world and the next, there was no time for anger over bitter, old stories and family secrets. His pride just didn’t hold the same sort of sway, he’d found, as he’d gotten ready that morning with this purpose in mind. Hastily throwing on that same splash of scent he’d worn when he’d first met the Lady of House Evenlight, he’d ventured out otherwise as he was.

“Hello, Julrien,” came the voice from the top of the stairs. Feywren was dressed in a gauzy, white frock embellished with tiny, lacy blossoms that looked like midsummer dandelions gone to seed down the length of her flowing skirts. She descended the steps with a tentative sort of smile, and he noticed how the foyer had grown conspicuously empty of the serving staff that had met him at their wrought-iron gates.

“Thanks for… you know, the imposition.”

She came to stand across from him with a tilt of her head, hands folded neatly in front of herself, and Julrien fought the throwaway impulse to bow his own as a show of respect and create an even stranger situation out of one already fairly steeped in strange. But his sister was, quite simply, every bit the noble Lady she was born to be, of the kind that deserved the respect so many others felt entitled to but never really earned. It was a relief when he saw her smile grow sheepish, soft, green eyes darting sidelong towards the large portrait hanging on the wall above them.

And there was Lord Teleren Evenlight in his prime, staring down at them in all his painted glory, stern and impassive at once, with bright blue eyes that spoke to easier times and fine, angular features that spoke to his well-bred status. He was clad in gleaming, silver armour, the Evenlight chalice, elegantly wreathed in its vines, emblazoned on his breastplate, with the same chestnut-coloured curls as his daughter, pulled tightly back in a no-nonsense braid.

They stood there beneath his watchful eye for several long seconds, strangers turned siblings whose stories were as different as night and day, and yet there they were all the same. A thousand runaway thoughts grew quiet as Julrien considered this, a faint smile of his own blooming in spite of himself.

It was Feywren who broke the silence first, her touch gentle and laced with a certain level of respect that startled the young Knight as she set a hand to his arm. “I hope you know I’m more than happy to help. If you’re ready…?”

And he was being lead through the empty corridor then, into a well-lit hall that gave way to a large, elegant seating area, bathed in sunlight that streamed in through large, opulent windows. Glass doors set in rich, dark wood created a beautiful centrepiece in the display, framing the vibrant green of the courtyard beyond. The gardens, his mother’s gardens at one time. His, if this had ever been his home.

“We will need to work quickly once you’ve found what we’ll use for a focus. But as we discussed... we already have everything we’ll need.”

Julrien hesitated as he looked to Feywren, calm and effortlessly open in her eagerness to assist. The complete lack of guile in her was almost not to be believed, as though she was being honoured, in fact, by helping with this reckless task he’d proposed. Old patterns of thought, habits that had carried him half-drunk and stumbling through his life until the last couple months at least, gnawed at him, begging him to listen to their own version of the truth.

Feywren cut through the heavy silence again, and a familiar-looking sternness briefly crept into her soft, elegant features, seconds before it melted away into her usual wide-eyed softness.  

“I... can only imagine how it feels, but, I know how important this is to you; the moment I heard you say his name, I knew. And you and I both know that there’s no room for doubt where this work is concerned. So please... let all of it go, and just think about why you’re here. Let me help you.”

Why he was here. There was no denying her words; they were what he’d woken up to that morning, tangled up in Lore. Had someone told him the truth of it a month ago, he’d have laughed it off; but truth, like trust, ran far deeper than he could have ever known. And there was still so much to learn about both.  

“You’re right. I’m sorry if I… you know,.” Julrien struggled with his words, a little sheepish in his agreement, though all the same giving her what he hoped was a steady smile. Feywren simply returned it easily, head canted in her gentle, unassuming way, before she pushed open the elegant glass doors, and both siblings stepped out into the midday brightness of the Evenlight gardens.

Julrien was immediately met with a familiar fragrance, the cleanest, brightest parts of his childhood, from summers spent lying in the field overlooking the water, to his mother’s skirts, swishing about her bare feet as she chased him through the grass, evoked in a single breath. The peacebloom was everywhere, a little wild and far too overgrown for a noble family’s formal gardens. It brought a smile to his face to see it.

“Father always used to favour these, as far back as I can remember, even though there was regrettably little work put into their care over the years.  I didn’t have the heart to change things from the way he left it after he passed on.” Feywren wore a sad sort of smile of her own as she spoke, gesturing an invitation with a gentle sweep of her hand.

“It’s...I kind of like it this way,” Julrien managed with genuine warmth as he stepped forward, passing a row of thick, pillar candles flickering along the low, stone ledge that hugged the nearest flower bed. Trappings of traditional Faith, set out just for the occasion. Feywren really had seen to it all, from these to the thick quilt spread out in the grass beside them, the solitude in which to concentrate, and her own years of expertise in Light-based healing.

And of course, the small glass orb she was holding out for him to see, no bigger than a peach pit, with a barely-there seam that met in a pair of delicate, silver clasps at each of its poles. It was perfect for his use, just waiting for the last piece that would enable them to get to work.

“At first I thought your choice in a focus was strange. But the more I think about it, the more sense it makes. Romantic, really, like something out of a novel.” He heard the smile in her voice, certain without seeing of the bright blush of pink rising in her cheeks as he stepped toward that overgrown patch of gleaming, white blossoms. It was very much like his own, after all.  

“That’s just me, romantic to a fault,” he murmured with a teasing glint in his eyes, trained on a freshly bloomed bud, soft, white petals at the peak of their beauty in their first few hours of sunshine. Fingers pinching just below the bloom, he gently pressed a fingernail into the tender stem, tearing it along the seam. Feywren, for her part, waited quietly, already knelt on the edge of the quilt, even as faint amusement lingered in her lightly freckled features. He moved to her side a moment after, cradling the cut flower in his palm.

“Are you ready?”

He nodded.

“Then let’s begin,” she smiled, cupping her hands around his and gently pulling him to kneel across from her. “You will need to be genuine in your willingness to offer up your own life’s energy, even if I won’t allow you to actually do so. You effectively need to trick yourself into believing it, down to the last second, if we are to harness that for your purpose.”

“I’ve been believing my own lies for… a long time now. I think I can handle a few moments more,” he found himself grinning back at his sister, the priestess who only a few short months back hadn’t existed in his world.

And then he felt, more than heard, the first melodic words of her prayer, as familiar to his tongue as his own name. He soon joined in the appeal, a surge of Light and warmth radiating from deep in his chest, circling and pulsing around the tiny blossom, brighter and brighter, until everything around him grew hazy, a watercolour painting in soft pastel shades slowly bleeding down the page. And then everything went white.

When he stirred some time later, evening had fallen in the garden, deep, velvet blue scattered with a million twinkling stars, and nary a glimpse of Argus, hidden as it was behind the thick, canopy of leaves hanging overhead. He was drained to the point his very bones seemed slow to respond, but there was no pain to be had; a soft pillow had been tucked beneath his head, at some point, the quilt folded over him for good measure.  

Feywren scooted forward in the grass beside him, her lovely white dress rather wrinkled in the effort, but there was a certain glimmer of pride in the way she looked down at him. Her hand sought his out, pulled free from the confines of the blanket, and he soon felt the weight of his prize, tucked in against his palm.  The small glass orb, no bigger than a peach pit, contained a particularly lovely, freshly cut peacebloom, inconspicuously pretty, save for the way it radiated warmth and Light to the touch.

“Did it-” he blurted foolishly, his voice a little strained as his strength continued to trickle back into his limbs. Feywren had been utterly precise in her ministrations, catching him at the very brink, stronger than he might have ever guessed, and pulling him safely back. Julrien bit his lip.

“It did, and it’s sealed accordingly,” came her gentle reply, and she couldn’t look more pleased as she carefully helped him sit up, steadying his weary frame before sitting back on her knees. Her own lip caught between her teeth.

“Thank you,” the Knight breathed, and he couldn’t be more pleased, impulsively wrapping his arms around his sister the moment he could. Feywren, for her part, gave a soft laugh, edged lightly in relief, as she returned the embrace.

“My pleasure. And may it never have occasion to be more than just a pretty pendant.”

(( @artificers-magic for mention! <3 ))

[sunggyushines]

11 Questions

Rules:

Always repost the rules Answer 11 random questions posted for you Create 11 new ones Tag 11 people tagged by @leesungjongg​ @flowrsoo​ @infnthoya​  @sungyours​ and @star-hoya​. thank you so much guys!!! <3333333333 tagging: @leesungjongg​ @flowrsoo​ @infnthoya​  @sungyours​ @star-hoya​ @jjonghs​ @princesungjong  @wonyeols  @inpinitaize @namstar @woohyung a lot of you have already done it so you don’t have to do it again!! even if you haven’t done it its alright if you don’t do this :) 

here are my 11 questions just so you dont have to go through a bunch of my answers 1. if you had one question you could ask infinite (as a group or towards a single member) what would it be and why? 2. Have you been to a concert? Who’s concert? What was it like? 3. Your favorite live performance and why? 4. What infinite member do you think has the personality closest to yours? the member that has the personality most different to urs? 5. Do you like getting up early or late?  6. What’s something you feel super passionate about? 7. Lead pencils or normal pencils or pens?  8. Sparkling water or still water? 9. Grab the closest book, go to the 11th page and read the 22nd word  10. string instruments or band instruments? 11. 3 reasons why you stan infinite

leesungjong’s Questions:

1. Are you a chicken nugget?  wait have u called me one ? i think u hve so i guess i am. or did u call something else a chicken nugget. my memory sucks

2. Can you whistle with your fingers (bc I can’t and I think it’s pretty darn cool)?  no! but when i was younger i used to able to whistle through my hand in like a fist? i had watched this elephant movie and they called the elephant like that i think...its been a while. anyways its like this guy right here! except not that good i could only make one or two notes. 

3. Do you know how to read or write in another language? Yessssss

4. What color is your room? Very white

5. Favorite quote(s)? Favorite Spongebob quote(s)?

All of hoyas rap in footsteps

“i’ll sail through the pouring rain. of course i’ll get wet but who cares, i’ll dance in the rain”

i havent watched spongebob enough to have a fav quote from the show (on the list of many banned shows as a kid hahah now that im grown up im lowkey glad my parents didnt let me watch it)

6. Do you wear makeup? Nah

7. Can you burp the ABCs? i havent tried but its not something i think id want to do ;D

8. Are you an alien? Can you beam me up your spaceship? i dunno am i? 

9. Highlighters (the makeup kind) are actually stardust. True or False? idk what they even do where they go what they look like so i have zero answers. 

10. Did you drink water today? Hydrate yourself and then finish this questionnaire.  i have drank water!! 

11. Someone comes from another universe and tells you about their world. From what they’re talking about, it sounds pretty awesome (despite a few aspects) and you’re thinking about visiting this cool place. The person asks you to come with them, but there’s two conditions. 1) Only you can go. 2) If you go, there’s a 50% chance you might not be able to come back to this universe. What is your decision? Why?

idk that planet doesnt have kim sunggyu’s music infinite so no (it is not an exaggeration to say that infinite is my lifetbh)

flowrsoo’s Questions:

1) If you could live in only one season, which season would you choose? Probably spring

2) Favorite flower? hoyahoyahoyahoya

3) Have you ever prank called someone? If so, what happened? OMG this statement just brought back a truckload of middle school memories of sitting on the bus to go somewhere for some club or something and the kids prank calling people. i didnt personally prank call anyone but ppl near me have hahaah. dont quite remember what happened

4) Have you ever danced in the rain? not that i know of but i feel like little me might have

5) If you could stop what you were doing right now and be somewhere else, where would you be and what would you be doing? playing music

6) If you could live in a book/movie what would it be? hmmm good question. its been a while and i think i’ll cheat and put down a tv series. avatar the last airbender lolol just bc i always have wanted to bend stuff...but i wouldnt want to live in warring time

7) What was the last picture you took on your phone? well it wasnt my phone but a random old phone which has like zero pics so i commemorated it with a pic of my dog lolol but on my phone its a pic of hoya during kcon

8) If you could have a superpower, what would it be? well not invisibility bc i already have that power ;D maybe time travel?

9) What do you think is your best trait? i dont have one

10) What’s your favorite song atm? atm?? dunno. all time fav though is def shine by kim sunggyu

11) What is something that makes you happy? shine by kim sunggyu  infinite

infnthoya’s questions!

1. Let’s say superheroes exists. Would you like to be one who saves their people from inhuman enemies like those in the movies? Why/why not? probably not. i think ur life would be in constant danger like 24/7. although itd be nice to have super powers, its not nice to constantly worry about ur life or something idk?

2. A song that makes you think “I wish i was the one who wrote the lyrics to this”? hmm i tend to focus on musicality more than lyrics (and how the lyrics influence the musical decisions and stuff). honestly having a hard time thinking of a song where all of the lyrics really resonated with me. oh time spent walking through memories. i love the lyrical progression of the song. the imagery is so ridiculously pretty  3. An mv that makes you think “I wish i was the one who shot/directed/wrote the scenario to this”? hmmmmmmmmm again i spend wayy too much time focusing on music rather than filmography and stuff. i’ll just say white confession by infinite. bc its one of the few infinite mvs where they are just being happy i guess? like other mvs have gore and sadness and all that stuff id be very sad watching it. but the white confession mv had some genuine moments of ot7 and i think id love to have been the one to see that irl.  4. Is there a song without an mv that makes you create your own in your head? If yes, which song and what would be the mv like? shine by kim sunggyu. jkjkjk as much as i love the song im not sure if ive created a mv for it bc  i feel like the live version would be MV quality worthy honestly. now that i think of it, for a lot of songs i just kind of imagine ppl singing it? or rather the colors and feelings that are evoked by it. like habitual irony sounds like a sunset thats the imagery i get from it. so i’ll just say habitual irony with a sunset theme i have no idea.  5. Something that made you happy recently? HOYAS PERFORMANCE AT KCON I JUST KSDJLFKSJDLFK 6. Something you bought for yourself just for pleasure (not a necessary item) recently? (Pics if possible) recently? nothing but i did by the reality album + poster like when that came out (lol guess whos pc i got ;D)  7. Does your bias look better in formal or informal clothes? Convince us with pics! both??? 

8. Movie recs? i really don’t watch movies hahaha

9. If you could form a duo with someone (not necessarily a singer/celebrity) who would it be? Why? kim sunggyu  i have no idea maybe someone who could duet with me on an instrument thatd be cooll...except my instrument skills are so subpar. i honestly cant think of anyone bc i feel like id bring every partner down

10. Dream job? a musician but im already way off that track and i’ll never get there ever hahaha 

11. Something you’d like to say to anyone (just one person) right now? (Except for me. Since im the one who asked, i dont wanna sound like im forcing you guys to say something to me xD) recently flowrsoo gave me some awesome advice so i want to thank her for that <333

sungyours’ questions :) Are you more of a cat or dog person? i have a dog...but idk if i am more of a cat or a dog person Sweet or salty popcorn? idk i really like butter  Is tomato a fruit or vegetable? A FRUIT FRUIT IS EVERYTHING THAT HAS SEEDS. CUCUMBERS ARE FRUIT. AN AVOCADO IS A FRUIT  Your favourite subject at school? bio or chem probably (music is where my heart is though) An idol’s body you wish you could trapped into for one day? hmm eunji? shes a great singer i wantt os ing like her A social media you use frequently (other than tumblr)? nothingggghahaha ok twitter bc i have to keep up with the romeo fandom ;D A talent you wish you could have? EVERYTHING OH MY GOD i wish i was like brilliantly skilled an something but an instrument would be ideal so then i could major in music without hesitating. Something that could instantly turn you off from other person? being mean Your ideal weekend? sitting alone i guess What did you dream about last night? idk what i dreamt last night, but the most recent dream i remember was that there was some sort of musical that i had to rap the rap part in “day by day” and i kept searching for the song on my phone but i couldnt find it and i kept getting distracted by other things and then it was my turn to go on and the dream stopped. i woke up and realized a) there was no song called day by day that i knew b) the song i was thinking of was day after day c) that song does not have a rap part Any book(s) you would like to recommend to me and your followers? ive stopped reading books unfortunately :( so no :( 

starhoya’s questions

Are you usually early, right on time, or late? usually early!  Tell me who your 2nd bias is and why you stan him/her? 2nd bias in infinite? (sunggyu) i blame his music 100%  What was the last thing you ate? hmmm ithink salad?  Do you like spicy food and what’s your tolerance to spiciness? this might sound a bit weird to ppl who dont eat my cultures food on a daily basis like i do but i literally dump plain yogurt on everything and eat it. not bc its spicy but bc i need the calcium and i like the taste of how it tastes with everything...so over the years my spiciness tolerance has gone down a lot.  Recommend 3 songs to me please (it can be any language/genre). :) habitual irony~nell btob ~ spring day’s memory (remember that is the english title i think) house of cards ~ bts  tried to keep it to non infinite songs What concept are you hoping INFINITE’s next comeback will be? honestly infinite has yet to disappoint me with a concept. as long as it has the classic infinite flair i dont mind whatever concept it is...(though there is one concept that would give me hard time to get used to) Can you play an instrument and if so, what instrument and why did you learn it? yes! a bunch of them and all for different reasons! violin bc i wanted to play an instrument in 3rd grade and someone i knew chose violin so i chose violin lolol. then piano bc i got a keyboard for xmas one year so i picked it up. and then viola bc i thought it was such a pretty instrument. and then xylophone/vibraphone/bells/other misc percussion bc i was in the pit in our marching band bc i thought itd be cool to learn instruments  Is there any movie you’ve watched more than 10 times? oh wow maybe a miyazaki movie? i literally grew up on those  How many people do you follow on Tumblr? 270! Tell me about something you’ve achieved? hmm what have i achieved? lolol not much recently but when i was younger i got a black belt so thats cool :D Do you wanna build a snowman? :D COME On LETS GO AND PLAYYYY im p sure ive never made a sucessful snowman in my entire life so if u can teach me how to as well, that’d be great ;D 

[dahniwitchoflight]

Something kinda disturbing in Ace Attorney: Spirit of Justice that I feel the need to talk about

Not something I usually talk about I know, but there’s a certain character in case 4 I think, the one about Rakugo stuff (spoilers btw if you havent played it and care about the ace attorney series lol) that just.

has so many disturbing implications and when playing it with my boyfriend I got Very Upset about it cuz the actual reveal was very sudden and all like all the stuff before suddenly made sense to me all at once and i was like oh god and now I feel the need to make a post about it to be like I’m not the only one who noticed this right???

but basically warning for talking about disturbing content like severe child abuse and multiple personality disorder and sexual abuse esp so if those things upset you just warning there in here

but yeah lets just dive right into it holy shit Uendo Toneido what the hell happened to you???

theres SO MANY THINGS that point to disturbing things that happened to you when you were a child, but I have no idea if Capcom really intended to make this connection or make this that dark since in the case they never really go into his backstory at all at any point, not even why he has Multiple Personalities in the first place, and its not relevant to the murdercase at all, so its just, never touched upon or outright said but like, all of it fits together into a coherent narrative if you care to actually put the evidence side by side so theres no way it wasnt 100% unintentional but jesus christ.

Uendo was traumatically raped as a child. someone got him drunk and violently raped him, maybe even repeatedly, and thats where his MPD/DID and all of his alters come from. thats the only conclusion I can come to after everything about him that we know.

for one, this is a character that has multiple personality disorder with 4 alters:

Uendo, the rakugo performer, Patches, the jester, Kisegawa, the female courtesan, all adults and can share memories and front at the same time kinda, and Owen, the child who has separate memories and can’t front unless all 3 of the others do not

the first 3 are ones that are revealed when Uendo first reveals that he has MPD/DID, and for most of the case hes being accused as a murderer, with the first 3 protecting/hiding the fourth from the court at first

and firstly MPD/DID is already something that cannot exist without some kind of severe trauma happening in very young childhood, with the most common cause being severe sexual abuse that a child cannot handle on any level forcing the mental split into an alter that can handle it, so already just from that i know something bad happened to Uendo.

and one of the alters is a female Courtesan. aka a prostitute. so theres another point to the trauma and abuse being of a sexual nature, and I ain’t even close to being done with evidence pointing to something like that happening to Uendo as a child.

nextly in the case, the defense originally thinks 4th personality must be the murderer, since its a point made that they know Owen exists from other evidence and Owen’s memories are cut off from the other 3 Memories (with the first 3 all able to front at the same time and memory share, but Owen being a totally seperate one from the others)

but when he’s forced to reveal his 4th personality, its because the court mandates that they prove the defenses theory about Owen being unable to front unless the other 3 are unconscious by forcing him to consume alcohol to get pass out drunk since hes apparently a ridiculous lightweight, like he claims licking some off his fingers would make him pass out that much of a lightweight

its actually a baked good without about half a shot of uncooked alcohol in it thats apparently enough to make him pass out drunk, but the thing is its physically impossible to get pass out drunk from that amount, especially from a baked good which likely lost its alcoholic content anyway, especially because alcohol works on a physical level with your blood and brain and stuff, not a mental one and Owen the child showed no signs of being drunk at all immediately after, which highly suggests to me that hes not a lightweight, its just the taste of alcohol severely triggers him back into his trauma-child state.

thirdly, then its actually revealed that Owen isnt the murderer, but the witness to the murder, and god, the way that Owen is portrayed as absolutely scared and traumatized by watching his sister figure forcibly suffocate his father figure is awful, especially because hes so upset he cant remember all the details properly and is crying and shaking about the whole ordeal

and then exactly which details he blocked out over the course of the in-court therapy session just prove my point even more

A) like first he remembers standing somewhere, and merely seeing his dad also standing up with blood dripping on his face

B) then after some therapy digging, he remembers they were both lying on the ground and the blood drops make more sense

C) then after that is when he remembers that his sister figure is actually on top of his father figure straddling him and shoving dough in his face to suffocate him while bleeding on him because she accidentally got cut with a knife the dad guy was wielding

like the amount of blocking out to get from point C to point A is tremendous, and the fact that all the things being blocked out were the existence of another person in the process of straddling and murdering another person by pushing something into them, like when you ask why he would mentally block out those details and not other ones its becomes clear if you add the fact that as a child something very violently similar was done to him

and the only reason it was the inner trauma child that witnessed that and not Uendo the main fronting alter is because Uendo accidentally consumed alcohol from those very same baked goods I mentioned earlier and passed out in the same room, murderer just didnt think that this would cause Owen to come out, she just thought he was actually pass out drunk

but like, godamn, all of it is so, directly pointing to that one conclusion.

the fact that he has MPD/DID at all in the first place

the fact that one of his alters is a female prostitute

His unusal triggery reaction to the taste of alcohol, not the alcoholic content itself because there really wasn’t physically enough to do that

the way he blocked out certain details of an unrelated traumatic event because they were so similar to his original traumatic event/s

and I say possibly eventS because MPD/DID is what can happen after severe trauma. and one of the alters was a prostitute, suggesting that his brains way of eventually coping as a child was to create an alter that could handle what he was going through, aka repeated sexual encounters, something a prostitute’s whole job description entails

like holy fuck that is a seriously dark backstory for a character we never see before or after this one case that’s mostly unrelated to the larger ongoing plot of the game in the other cases

like Ace Attorney is not a game this dark and I have trouble believing Capcom really intended this, but its fits too perfectly to be pure coincidence and they HAVE made M Rated Ace Attorney games before. its just, never gotten to this level of dark, they only ever deal with murders and the occasionally theft, we’ve never had any dealings at all with any kind of sexual assault and even in this game its not delved into or relevant at all to the case Uendo is in

but anyway yeah I got really upset when Uendo’s 4th Alter was suddenly revealed to be a traumatized child and not the True Murderer like the whole case before was implying and hyping up because that was just too real too fast yknow. I was totally expecting the whole hollywood “mentally ill people are dangerous” narrative not something actually accurate to MPD/DID

edit*

prideandprejudiceandkittens replied to your post “Something kinda disturbing in Ace Attorney: Spirit of Justice that I...”

ok this is very insightful and likely, BUT kisegawa and the japanese idea of the "courtesan" (like geisha) IS NOT sexual. it isn't, really. japanese oiran (which is what kisegawa is clearly evoking) are sexual workers but their main role is to perform, they are trained under classical instruments, tea ceremony, calligraphy, etc. it's like a traditional display of femininity and much less centered around the whole "prostitute" part. just had to clear this up.

? I never said they were a Geisha or an Oiran, I said they were a courtesan/prostitute? I mean, they clearly are evoking the image of a prostitute with Kisegawa, but I never implied that that’s what a Geisha is. I never even said the word Geisha anywhere here

those performers like you said are elegant and perform femininity to entertain, Kisegawa is coarse and rough and female with harsh language and not presenting any skills like an entertainer (other than Rakugo like they all do) therefore Kisegawa is a female courtesan/prostitute?