#cant help looking at myself and thinking 'youre so ugly'

[hearturn]

.

[5-htagonist]

l@imari has a place in my heart fr

[nightfallsystem]

man i probably need to work on my self worth but the thing is i unfortunately AM actually genuinely ugly 😔

[teaboot]

This is gonna sound rather conceited but I feel like it highlights an issue we have in Art.

I'm good at art. I've never had a hard time making art. I started using crayons before I could walk. Painting, Beadwork, sculpture, sketching, stippling, whatever- once I have a feel for the material, it doesn't take long to start doing what I want with it. It's been a common theme my whole life.

(Y contrast I'm awful at things like dancing, performance, sports, etc- in all things there is balance, right?)

Now, I've taught myself to use so many artistic mediums now that I KNOW how to most efficiently integrate them into the brain database. Once you really *understand* a material, it's much like memorizing the layout of your house, or flexing a muscle, or something in-between- it becomes PART of your brain in a way I cant quite articulate. But to get there involves just fucking around for a bit doing nothing in particular.

And I've found, especially in group settings, that nobody seems to be able to see you make something badly and leave you alone. Even if you say you're fine, you don't want help, you're happy, you're having fun, it's fine, they gotta ride your ass and hover.

I was at a class the other day for something I hadn't done before. The medium was one I've never used, so once the instructor told us the basics I started experimenting with weight, gravity, texture, viscosity, saturation, temperature, etc. The instructor had given enough info to know what was dangerous and what was safe, and beyond that I just wanted to absorb what I could about it.

And no insult to the instructor, but they kept checking in. Which was fine the first few times.

But then, without asking me what I was trying to do, started giving tips. That I told them I was grateful for but didn't really need just yet. If I had a question, I'd ask.

But they kept coming over. And touching my shit. And manipulating my project. And touching my hands. And using my tools. Without fucking asking.

And this happens every time. EVERY TIME. And by now I know the best way to get them to fuck off is to make something way beyond their expectations so they know I'm capable, then go back to doing what I want.

So I did. I wanted to keep having fun and learning, but instead I made something beautiful that I really didn't want to make, and wasted my time, and really didn't learn what I wanted to learn at all. I knew the formula to create a beautiful thing, so I followed that formula the same way I have a hundred times before, and didn't get to try anything spontaneous or ugly or exciting, just so I could be left alone.

And I know when I was a kid, I was aware aware people saw me puttering alone on something ugly assumed I had a special issue and treated me like I was stupid because of that. (I was neurodivergent.) And at at time I knew that I could do a neat trick for them like a trained pony and they'd go, "Oh, surely they aren't defective if they can do something like that!" And piss off.

But what if I hadn't known how to do that?

What if I hadn't been talented, or "special"?

What if I'd been just any other average kid trying to learn, and I couldn't pop something pretty out of my ass to get them off my back?

My problem my whole life has been that I haven't been allowed to make anything ugly in peace. I'm capable of beauty, so I have to make beauty, or get stepped on. And once people see what I can do, they get loud about it. "Look at this! Look what they did! We all know who the best is, don't we?". And that used to feel good, but it's tiring.

And how many people like me just wanted to play? Just wanted to have fun and experiment? Who were having fun with no goal in mind, or just took longer to learn, who gave up because of all the obnoxious helpers breathing down their neck with no way to shake them off?

How many of us are made to feel defective because we aren't doing things beautifully?

I have a lovely piece of art I didn't want to make.

I think I'm gonna frame it.*

(*I think I'm gonna burn it in my yard.)

[etherealkissed88]

about negative thoughts

if i think negative thoughts, im like thats my human, limited self whos thinking that but my inner self, my limitless god self knows everything she wants is already hers in imagination so those thoughts really mean nothing. this rly helps me with worrying about ‘negative’ thoughts. step back and see the world through the eyes of god. would god care about a repetitive negative thought? is it worth my attention? is it worth my energy? no. also, remember the fact that everything is neutral including thoughts. thoughts have no original meaning so if you become aware of a thought and you classify it as negative, you are adding meaning to that thought when theres no original meaning to begin with.

if i find myself classifying a thought as negative, i realize that is will never affect me. it is my identity, my state that manifests…not my thoughts. so lets say i keep thinking “i am broke asf” but i identify as the person who is always rich. that identity/state means more than thoughts. believe or not. the state will always manifest so putting so much fear on negative thoughts are useless. know they are always neutral and move on. even fear is neutral. even if my ‘negative’ thoughts stay, i just embrace them because why not? they are never serious, they dont effect me, they are literally useless.

when your in the moment, you act these thoughts are the end of the world when in reality they are always temporary. dont let something as small and common as thoughts drag you down. to add, it is completely normal to feel emotional w these thoughts but know they are temporary and they cant change your state unless you allow them to. when i have negative thoughts, i remember im god and i would either become aware of something else or i would just embrace the thoughts bc i rly dont gaf about them. if i feel sad, i let myself feel that bc its temporary and in the end i know i wouldnt let it affect my state/identity. a beautiful model has thoughts that shes ugly but she identifies as beautiful. do you think these thoughts affect her? no. she moves on from it bc she knows her identity. during or after feeling sad bc of the negative thoughts, i would decide im still the ideal version of me bc i know emotions and thoughts are always neutral. i would continue identifying as the person i want.

finally, if u were fulfilled (if you knew you already had your desire), thoughts wouldnt bother you because you are so confident in your state. thats another example of why thoughts mean nothing bc if you were fulfilled you wouldnt care about them but if you werent fulfilled, you would let them affect you; it shows it all comes down to you because the thoughts dont have any power of their own.

summary

𖥔 thoughts are always neutral and temporary; they have no original meaning until you assign meaning

𖥔 thoughts do not manifest, your inner identity/state does

𖥔 look at negative thoughts through the eyes of god/the operant power ; they would not gaf about negative thoughts because they know all the control comes from them, not thoughts

𖥔 actually being fulfilled helps you not care about thoughts

kisses, jani𖥔

[star-dust-shark]

PJO characters as dumb things me and my friends ( bonus one with my parents ) have said part two

Will: what's your type?

Nico: you

Will:

Will: that's sweet but I meant blood type

-

Percy: oh fuck I'm blue now

Percy: but like actually blue

Percy: like a smurf

Percy: being sad's for idiots lmao

-

Leo: everyone hates me lol

Jason: what am I??? like???

-

Nico: and Axl Rose's real name wasn't Axl Rose

Percy: *crying* STOP

-

Will: easiest way to come out to people is tell them that you listen to coldplay

-

Nico: Im gonna fugging krill myself

Annabeth: krill????

Nico: isn't that like a fish or smth

-

Piper: *knocking on Leo's door* WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN THERE

Leo: uh shit uh erm uh

Leo: *moans loudly*

-

Will: *joking* we should makeout

Nico: I really wanna

Will: what

Nico: ...

Nico: did I say that out loud

-

Piper: *sobbing* why are penises so ugly

-

Annabeth: math is weirdly calming to me sometimes ngl

Annabeth: *flips page over to read massive paragraphs of words*

Annabeth: *bursts into tears*

-

Will: I just had to help hatch a baby chick

Will:

Will: I'm waiting for applause it was so gross

-

Will: if you drink the water I'll give you a forehead smooch

Nico: *glances at water, thinking*

Nico: nah you wanna give me one anyway

Will: gods dammit

-

Rachel: *GASP* MY SKETCHBOOK

Rachel: MY BABY

Rachel: *kisses it*

-

Hazel: ugh I want someone to fuck me

Hazel: hahah jk that shit's nasty

-

Piper: yeah I've noticed after watching you for a bit that you smile whenever Nico messages

Will: aww that's so swee-

Will: wait why are you watching me

Piper: *stares into his soul*

-

Nico: I miss you

Nico: *replies an hour later* that was a moment of weakness fuck you

-

Will: what if I say "darling" in a seductive voice

Nico: no

Will: u sure?

Nico: I ahdiamdveip dnsjhbksahcblaiwcbjsd-

-

Will: like at first I wanted to be you but then I realized that there's a diffrence between wanting to "be you" and wanting to "be on you"

-

Percy: I'm depressed

Percy: ...

Percy: WAIT I HAVE COOKIES NVM

-

Will: wtf are hickeys??

Will: I'm an experimental learner btw

-

Leo: omg guys look the guitar strings made my finger darker

Leo: *looks at finger* do you like watermelon, sir?

Will: you are so close to being hit in the head

-

Frank: *points* haha you've been fingered

Hazel:

Hazel: love... no

-

Thalia: OMG IM GONNA BE BREATHING THE SAME AIR AS RYAN GULDEMOND

Reyna: technically you already are

Thalia: *passes out*

-

Octavian: ugh I'm so single

Nico: *sighs* me too

Nico:

Nico: WAIT I CANT SAY THAT ANYMORE

Nico: FUCK YEEEEEEEEAH *smashes table*

-

Annabeth: what's ur favourite animal I'm gonna buy you something

Percy: shark but don't waste your money

Annabeth: but my parents told me to spend it on something important

Percy:

Percy: *cries*

-

Will: I'm autism!!

Will: *turns to Nico, wiggle eyebrows* I could be in you

Nico: tism rizz????

-

Frank: I love these drama videos

Reyna: *massive bags under her eyes* why do you want more drama wtf

-

Jason: honestly scared to sit on the edges of chairs at my trans boyfriend's house

-

Percy: *over text* jason are you gay for me

Jason:

Jason:

Jason:

Jason: no gtg

Percy: he's hiding something

-

Piper: don't mean to be heterophobic but why is straight porn so gross

Nico: agreed gay porn is much better

Piper: IM SORRY WHAT

-

Percy: are there any not cool lesbians

Reyna: I mean they probably exsist

Annabeth: no

-

Leo: *sighs sadly* cock and ball torture

-

Will: guys I learnt how to play my favourite song on guitar *starts playing good lookin by dixon dallas*

-

Leo: *playing adopt me*

Leo: chat chat guess what I'm on acid

Percy: KARMA'S A BITCH

Percy: I SHOULDA KNOWN BETTER

Leo: wait since when do you play adopt me

Percy:

-

Reyna: yk those yummy smelling shampoos

Nico: yea

Reyna: well I went to walmart and thought I found some and started smelling it but this lady was giving me weird looks

Nico: oh?

Reyna: yeah

Reyna: so uh

Reyna: it was lube

-

Will: hey bbg *winks*

Nico: I will slam you down and makeout with you right now

-

Percy: hi

Jason: hi

*leaves swirl around them*

-

Leo: don't mind me just massaging my clit

-

Leo: NICO GET UR GYAT OVER HERE

Nico: WHAT????

Leo: *points* HOMOSEXUAL TENDANCIES

Nico: WHAT DID U SAY

Leo: HOMOSEXUAL TENDANCIES

Nico: OH

Nico: I HEARD SEXUAL TENDANCIES

-

Leo: *singing* coked up dick sucking hoe?

Jason: *walks in*

Jason:

Leo: oh haiiii

-

Leo: how does it feel to be Draco Malfoy

Jason: idk how does it feel to be tweek

Leo: idk pretty good

-

Reyna: you don't deserve it

Percy: yeah I do

Percy: I've been a good boy

Percy:

Percy: jesus I just turned myself on wtf

-

Leo: *in sad voice* I'm a cheeseburger

Jason: a sexy little cheeseburger

-

Will: *gets text from Nico*

Annabeth: SIMP

Will: ???

Annabeth: YOU SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMPPPPPPPPPP *has siezure*

-

Will: darling

Nico: *throws phone, screams into pillow, face red* I hate that man

anyway part three will cum ( pun intended )

thanks to @crowwolf8 @justagremlinoncaffeine @localcosplaymushroom @secret-mewtwo and my om and dad for being inspiring an shit

[river13245]

I Don't Beg

Navigation / SPN Masterlist

Warnings: Fighting, being taken, arguing. Lucifer being an ass. OH ALSO best friend Crowley

Crowley who had been one of your close,dare you say friend. So when he had called you very early in the day asking you for help on a case. You couldn't exactly just tell him no. You drop everything you're doing just to go to his place

He knew to call you at a certain time when your boyfriend couldnt hear you. Your boyfriend slept in rather late while you got up at a reasonable time and went to bed after the sun goes down. Unless you had plans throughout the night.

After ending the call you had went to you and your boyfriends shared bedroom and looked at him once more before leaving a note on the door.

Goodevening Darling I had to leave early this morning something had needed my attention Im safe and sound so dont come looking for me Ill be home before tonight. Try not to evil today xoxo ~ yours

-----

When you arrived to where Crowley was he was sitting on his throne. He wasn't the king of hell anymore, but you had managed to let him keep his throne even after your boyfriend took everything from him. You just stole it back and gave it back to him.

what do you need my help with crow?" You used his nickname and he rolled his eyes. "Ive told you to stop calling me that y/n/n" He got up from his throne and walked in front of you with his hands in his pockets.

As you hear his response "yeah well I don't think the Winchester boys enjoy you calling them moose and squirrel. Now do they?" He shrugs and smirks "well you might have a point there"

You both looked at each other for a moment before you broke the silence "Okay what do you need from me. What's the job we need to do" Crowley looks at you for a moment as if he's debating on if he really should bring you into this. However he really did need help. "There's a family of vampires in the next town over, I could take care of those myself really but there's demons all over the place. Those I cant take care of alone"

Sighing you shake your head "Fuck Lucifer is gonna be so pissed" Crowley rolls his eyes placing his hand on your shoulder "yeah yeah your dear old boyfriend will be upset. Never stopped you before, now come on"

----

When you got there you moved quietly trying to find an opening to sneak through so you can go straight to the vampires and deal with them first.

Crowley of course had other plans, he made himself known. He always had to make an entrance but you also know why he did it. It was so you can go undetected because they would be too focused on him.

As you walk into this abandoned facility that was in the middle of no where all you smelt was dust. You had to fight the urge to sneeze, it looked so unclean. Hell they were vampires, they had no class they were ugly creatures.

You make your way through the building until you find one. You knew that if you attacked now that there was a good chance of all of them looking for you but you decide to risk it.

When the vampire wasn't looking you grab both of your knives and jump onto its back. Legs wrapping around him and use your knives to completely cut off his head in one swift move.

It never had time to make a sound except scratch you slightly. That was something you could deal with later. You wipe of the blood from your knives so blood wouldn't trail behind you and give off where you were, you were smarter than to do that rookie mistake.

The next room you walk in there's a group of them all standing around a bit on edge from the demons outside causing a chaos. You had to think strategically so you grab the nearest thing you can throw and throw it across the room. A few of them go towards the sound but some of them come closer to where you are.

You end up slicing ones head off while the other one grabs onto you rather roughly. using your foot you kick high behind you right into the mans balls, you knew how painful getting kicked there is. he loosens his grip on you just enough so you could pull away and cut his head off too.

As you do this the other two vamps run up to you but you were quick and managed to get one. The other however did pin you down to the floor. However as soon as you manage to grab the blade you roll over on top of him as he beings his mouth to your neck. Before he sings his fangs in you cut his head off. "fucking ugly bloodsuckers"

Standing up you brush yourself off and let your guard down for one second before you hear a voice whose you've never heard before. "well that's a bit rude don't you think?" Turning around you see a demon.

"well what can I say im not very fond of vampires or demons. You guys are nothing but pricks" as you say that you go to step forward when something grabs you and presses you against them. When you hear a sarcastic evil laugh you know its another demon. "well thats no way to talk to a demon. Plus you cant hate us all to bad when you are dating THE lucifer"

I let out a laugh and look at the demon in front of me. "well lets just say he won me over. He is a fantastic kisser...I don't see any of you puckering up"

Saying this only made them more frustrated causing the demon behind me place a knife to my throat. "hm you've got a mouth on you. Wonder what Lucifer would react like if we were to cut your tongue out and then send you back to him"

Opening your mouth to say something that would be very stupid you heard someone come into the room and speak. "I wouldn't do that" everyone's head turned. The demon holding you turned the both of you around, the blade still against your neck and there stood your boyfriend. Looking at the others "you see if you would have cut their tongue out and sent them back to me I would have fixed them of course and then I would have found you and what I would do to you is a hell of a lot worse than you could think of"

The demon behind you falters just a moment but its enough that you are able to break free and swing your leg out tripping him and then you use his own blade to cut his head off. The other demon was running up to you who was stopped by lucifer and he instantly killed them with just a flick of his wrists.

Instantly he goes back over to you and looks over you. Clearly pissed even as you place your hands on his shoulders to try to ground him. "what the hell are you doing here?" he asks demandingly "I should have known you couldn't let me go anywhere without you knowing where I am"

He glares at you and before he responds Crowley comes rushing in. "shit y/n are you okay?" Lucifer turns to look at him and without even a second thought lucifer pinned him to the wall and punches him causing him to go flying back.

Running towards Crowley you shield him with your body so if Lucifer wanted to hurt him he would have to hurt you too. Lucifer looked at the both of you. "I should have known he would be the reason that you drop everything and leave to put yourself in danger"

Ignoring him you place your hand on Crowley's face and you keep asking him if he's fine and he leans away from you and stands up. "I'm fine y/n/n now shoo" he had a busted lip and was bleeding but he instantly used his magic to fix it and you were finally able to breathe.

You then stand up and look over at your boyfriend who is standing there glaring daggers at the both of you. Walking up to him you grab his arm. "were leaving"

----

As soon as your heels hit the floor lucifer is off of you and instantly yelling at you. "what the hell were you thinking. You really thought i would buy the whole "I'm safe" thing. Come on you should know be better than that by now"

He was pissing you off, this is how it was between the both of you. there was always something you do that angered him, the littlest things always ticked him off. "Yes because I thought since I'm your boyfriend that you wouldn't need to feel the need to come after me."

"oh come on. I'm Lucifer have you ever heard any stories where I'm anything but the devil. I'm not a nice guy, you knew what you were getting into when you got with me" he says as he glares at you his eyes turning colors but it doesn't intimidate you anymore.

Instead of coming up with another angry retort back you let out a sigh and shake your head. Lucifer looks at you and almost says something to piss you off but stops when you say. "Yeah you're right I did know what I was getting myself into" your voice is quiet but loud enough for him to hear. "maybe I made the wrong decision"

Finally looking up at him you see how he freezes. "what? what do you mean by that?" Tears start to form in your eyes but you take in a deep breath. "what it means is that I'm leaving. I cant keep doing this"

Lucifer looks at you for a moment before responding "cant keep doing what?" At his cluelessness you scoff and grab your bag. "I cant keep doing this. There's always something I do that makes you upset, I'm tired of being yelled at by you. That isn't what I want in a relationship...im tired"

Not giving him a chance to respond "I love you so deeply Lucifer but I cant keep doing this with you." He doesn't say much so you give him one last look before turning and walking to the door of your home.

The same home that you had to beg him to get because he just wanted you to live down in hell with him but he gave in and he even enjoyed this house more than you did. He was a good boyfriend some days. But you couldn't keep arguing all the time anymore.

Your hand is on the door when a hand grips onto your arm and turns you to look at him. He looks....heartbroken? Not really ever having seen this side of him before you yourself are confused.

When you see him start to kneel in front of you as he holds onto your hands you shake your head. "what..no..what are you doing?" you knew he wasn't proposing. He didn't believe in marriage, he had said "people will know your mine we don't need a label on it. You are my partner and that's enough for me" but it still made you nervous because he has never knelt in front of you like this before.

Lucifer looks up at you and in a shaky voice he speaks. "please don't go. I need you and I'm sorry for the way I've acted, I promise ill change." Now realizing what he's doing. He's begging for you back and your shaking your head placing your hands on his face gently.

You didn't need to speak right now all you had to do was focus and you would be able to see into his mind. As you hold his face he nods giving you permission and the memories he had shown you made your heart break.

He showed you the moment when you guys got your house. You had been so happy and instantly kissed him, or when you guys first kissed and he was so gentle. As he let you inside of his mind you seen everything and heard every feeling he felt for you that he struggled showing. However its the last one that finally makes you break.

~~~~

You had been taken by an angel who had been working with a demon and taking them both on had been a struggle but you did well enough that you were still alive. It had been almost three weeks and you know that the reason they kept you alive was because they needed something from Lucifer and the guys. They had fed you just enough to keep you alive but still keeping you weak and tied up. Then one day Lucifer had came and found you. The guys were there too, Crowley and Cas were defending you. You were barely conscious but conscious enough to hear what was being said. "Okay Lucifer you have something we need and we have something you want" one of the demons say before the other one finished "I think its a fair trade don't you think?" Lucifer wasn't having any of this while Cas was just telling him to just hand it over but that wasn't his style. "How about you hand him over to us and I let you go free" At the sound of them potentially gaining their freedom they almost let up. One grabs you by the neck tilting your head back ready to snap it. "hmm as tempting as that sounds I think id rather see you begging for your precious toy back" there is a chuckle in the air that's coming from Lucifer "I'm the devil, I'm not going to beg for anything." At his words you feel your heart break thinking he was just going to let you die to save his reputation but then you see the demons vanish and there stood Sam and Dean and you had passed out"

----

Coming back from the memory you move your hands to his shoulders and you kneel in front of him so you guys are kind of at the same height. Realizing that he was begging for you...not caring about how he looks right now. You place a kiss to his lips and wrap your arms around him. "I'm sorry. I don't want to leave you, but we have to work on the anger towards me. Ill work on my stuff too"

"of course as long as I have you with me" he says as he kisses you again

[daenysx]

Just one of those days when you feel ugly and you feel like you cant do anything about it but just cry. Aemond just loving on reader having one of these days

💓💓💓

thank you for this request, angel! i've been having these kind of days more often recently, it feels too relatable so it took less time to write. i hope you like this!

send me your requests for drabbles

you stand in front of the mirror in the bedroom, carefully inspect the image you see. your eyes move to look at your face clearly, your head leans into the mirror to see better. you look at your body, your hands on your waist as you frown and close your eyes with an exhausted exhale.

"i made us coffee, aren't you-" you hear aemond's voice, then his footsteps. "baby, what are you doing?" he asks, standing by the door.

you shake your head as if the action will help you get rid of your fresh tears. "nothing. nothing, i'll be there in a second."

aemond lifts an eyebrow, worried over the tone of your voice. you turn your back to him, your hands cover your eyes with a harsh movement. he steps into the room, holding you from behind as he tries to understand what happened.

"aemond, please. i'm fine, okay? nothing happened."

his hand holds yours as he tries to keep you from hurting yourself with your stiff fingers. "you're trying to stop yourself from crying, sweetheart. i'm sorry but this doesn't seem fine to me."

a quiet sob from you makes his heart clench with worry. he holds your body, tries to help you with your balance as you cry. "would you like to tell me why?" he asks with a gentle voice.

you point the mirror. "that's why." your voice comes out muffled and sad.

"i don't get it, baby, what's wrong with the mirror?"

you shake your head. "not the mirror. me. the way i look."

the puzzle pieces in his head become complete. he knows you feel uncomfortable about yourself once in a while. maybe something triggered the idea, maybe you made yourself think worse about the way you look. he takes a deep breath.

"you know, you don't have to try to comfort me. i can already see the truths. i'll feel better eventually, i know that too. it's not like i can do anything to change myself." you say.

he smiles, cups your cheeks with his hands to have an eye contact. "i just wish you could see yourself from my eyes."

"i'm not expecting you to have an objective opinion, aemond. it's just- the way i see myself. i don't like what i see."

he nods. "i can understand that, but there's no way for me to understand how you make yourself believe you look somehow bad."

you point the mirror again. "because it's right there! look at my eyes and how tired i look. i always look tired even when i sleep okay, i don't know how to fix my eyes. look at my posture, i just can't-"

aemond listens you rambling about yourself, every little flaw you see on the mirror. every little thing that makes you feel like you don't worth it. he lets you talk about them, never interrupts your thoughts. that's the hardest thing he does when your voice becomes shaky as you talk about yourself.

you keep telling him for minutes, the coffee he made for you long forgotten. you talk about everything, detailing every thought.

"is there anything else you want to tell me, hmm?" he asks when you stay silent.

you shrug. "i hope not, i already feel terrible."

he holds your hand and leads you to bed. he sits and pulls you on his lap, you try to settle down, feeling tired from your outburst.

he doesn't let go of your hand, kisses the back of it with affection. "do you want to hear my honest opinion?"

you nod. "please."

"i hate how unfair you are when you talk about yourself. i hate how you always focus on the good side of everyone else, but never the good things about yourself. i hate how you can manage to talk so low of what i love, what i admire everyday."

"aemond-"

"i'm not finished, sweetheart. i know it's hard to believe for you, because you've never seen yourself like i've seen you. i know you don't ever give yourself credit for your accomplishments. i know how you always crave the best, the most perfect. i just hate how you act so blind, so careless, so simple when it comes to yourself."

you bury your face to his neck. he keeps talking. "it's so easy for you to give your friends compliments, right? it's not hard when you say the most beautiful things to me, because you feel like it. you see the best of people, the best of me even in the times when i feel like i don't deserve it. you see me as someone worthy of your pretty words because that's how you perceive people. i just wish you'd do the same for yourself."

"it's not easy." you say. "i want to feel better about myself, but it's not easy."

he nods, his one hand holding yours as you play with his fingers and his other rubbing your back. "i know, baby. i also know you can do anything you want to. you are not alone in this. you'll never be alone in this."

"how can you promise? how can you be so certain?"

he smiles. "you don't believe me when i say i know my girl? i know you, i love you." he kisses your lips. "i love you."

"i love you, too."

he kisses you again. "you can have bad days. it can happen, there's nothing unusual about that. i just need you to be kind to yourself. hmm?"

you nod. "i can try."

another kiss on your forehead. "everything you just told me, everything you see as a flaw- they are just the things i love most about you, the things that make you special. i fall in love with every one of them, i admire them, i consider myself lucky because i can see them everyday."

he kisses you again as you hold his hand in yours like your life depends on it. "will you-will you help me feel better? i don't want to feel like this- i hate feeling like this." you say.

"of course i'll help you, sweetheart. i can't let my girl think badly of herself. you deserve the world. you are my world."

you feel a lot better and calmer as he talks to you with a soft, convincing voice. he rubs your back with a gentle hand, he lets you play with the rings on his fingers, he presses his lips on your earlobe and your neck.

"would you like to have a cup of coffee now? we can watch a movie, too."

you nod. "sounds good."

he never lets you go for the rest of the day, never lets you get in front of the mirror again, never lets go of your hand. he never lets you doubt yourself, he is always there with his lovely distractions and sweet words.

[fictionfixations]

going through 2.5

2.5 STORY SPOILERS

trigger warning later of minor character death. shown off screen but is described in a way that could sound horrible to the faint of heart

WHAT

i know i joked in my previous post when going through 2.4 that it sounded like the start of a fanfiction but im genuinely disgusted by this ew i was really fucking tempted to just write a fic where jiaoqiu beats his ass (even though i know hoolay is way more powerful then him) but also 2.5 already came out so i gotta get through the story before i get spoiled

the smart choice would be to do 2. but also fuck you hoolay im doing 1. HHH jiaoqiu's voice sounds so like. stressed. like trying to have composure but you can tell hes struggling a little.

also im sorry but hoolays human form looks so fucking ugly (okay maybe im biased but also FUCK YOU HOOLAY) idk ppl might still simp for him but also fuck you im on jiaoqius side >:(

STOPPP USING THE WORD ALPHA like ive heard it so many times in media im DONE i cant hear it the same 😭

"💀 " "None Can Hurt Me" UHHMSOFJFO i sure hope nothing happens to you buddy but

BURN BABY BURN

what the fuck im scared

wait but so i CAN go try to get help? IM SCARED WHAT HAPPENS. uh. uh. uh. FUCK YOU HOOLAY IM DOING IT

wait if i do this will he die. like the the the npc?!?!??!?! GUYSS

AHAHa.. AHgahah.... im. so fucing nervous

im. ohhhh fuck literal chills. im. should i look at what other options i can do to escape or. im so fucking stressed holy shit. logically speaking if jiaoqiu leaves and the ship gets sabotaged or whatever he could die (both him and npc). if he asks him to send a message then the npc will die. guys i hate this what the fuck

I HATE THAT ITS RED TEXT. okay with acheron it was a little startling but we never got like a warning that OUR ACTIONS have CONSEQUENCES. im so fucking scared

me too man. me too. idont want jiaoqiu to die thoguh what if what we choose changes whether or not he dies in canon im

okay ive talked to everyone. and the warning text for everyone is

the skarskiff(?) guy is just an ordinary person the realm keeping person is not prepared for this kind of emergency and that the cloud knight doesnt have backup (has the same choice options as the realm keeping person of borisin are here and introducing ourself)

also that we're being watched. who the fuck

okay the best option would be to cloud knight. but also is it a good idea? no. but. hiusgh. oh my god i hate this.

IM GOING TO BITE THE BULLET. i dont trust that this will end well for me but the logical option even if i get fucked later is to alert someone. a cloud knight knows what risks and responsibilities they're taking on by becoming one and if they die well fuck man but i REFUSE to just not do anything because that'd be like. playing into hoolays hands which 1. i hate him. 2. as a person who very much values my independence I NEED OUT OF THIS SITUATION

and maybe its what hoolay wants, for us to fail his 'test' but whatever. IM REBELLIOUS. (and probably really dumb)

cant wait to see how this affects story in the future. and also seeing how different choices affect things when i watch other people do this. haha. but predicting that they might not talk to anyone out of fear IM going to talk to someone

uhh im going to introduce myself first. its like how you're meant to share your address first in emergencies or something i think maybe? because if the call cuts out then they can find you quickly (i think your phone can be tracked but it takes awhile its not that easy i think?)

okay i did it. wheres the guy who was watching me i cant remember where he was. is he gone? did he disappear? i acnt tell im so fuckings tressed

nothing happened but. but the cloud knights gone now (presumably to spread the news)

i. do i tell other people ? do i. im. okay im

i only talked to the cloud knight. and then im going to do what hoolay asked. thats it. im not brave or reckless enough to tell eVEryone

HIS VOICE IS TREMBLING for the 100th time i hate this

GUH

I FORGOT THEY HAVE OFFICIAL IDENTITIES PRETENDING TO BE--

oh fuck MY DUMBASS

his voice... AGHH JIAOQIUUU

GO FUCK YOURSELF YOURE NOT THE BOSS OF ME

i knew it. i fucking knew it. IM JUSTIFYING IT TO MYSELF BECAUSE CLOUD KNIGHT YOU BECOME IT KNOWING YOU COULD DIE OKAY. id rather have tried to escape then not at all and prove his racist belief 'right'. okay i know im probably in the wrong because they couldve lived if i didnt do anything and i had a hunch that they wouldve died if i asked for help. but. okay at my core i am selfish. and for all i knew there was a teeny tiny chance that it couldve succeeded

and listen. im quoting twisted wonderland now.

"Zero is zero no matter what you multiply it by, right? But if you take some form of action, that zero could potentially become 0.001. And 0.001 has a chance of becoming 100. In which case, there's no reason NOT to do it." (Book 6 - Chapter 48 • A Sequel Cut Short)

i hate these kinds of mind games.

hoolay fucking yapping and i know we're in a tough situation meant to demonstrate how jiaoqiu's kind of powerless but hoolays just talking about how jiaoqiu will eventually crumble and im just. yeah okay big talk. and like i get that hoolay does have connections still and ppl pretending to be foxians keeping a close eye on everything and genuinely wont hesitate to kill someone but okay i just hate him

god he sounds like one of those people who are like. when you refuse their advances and they go 'oh so youre playing hard to get huh?' and keep going with the belief that we definitely want them or some shit💀

i should pretend. but no i cant. thats not the kind of person i am.

oh shit. yeah okay remind me that maybe this could potentially lead to jiaoqiu dying in canon. i mean. its happened in npc stories before right? like that one person in penacony who we could choose to stop her from falling or let her fall

but fucking OW. hoolay talking doesnt terrify me. and maybe thats why im choosing all the dumb options. but ow.

does he have this pose if we pretend to show weakness? i mean maybe its cause we got hurt and hes exaggerating it and showing weakness then. or maybe it actually hurts like a bitch and he cant help but show reaction.

OMG MOZE

okay actually other idea of jiaoqius plan. contacting someone for help and deliberately being caught so its not suspicious if we go along with his demands too easily (but having another plan to get help thats more secret)

like okay i know it was my choice to try to get help and fucking it up but still canon-like right. although i doubt he'd be okay sacrificing an innocent life so um oops

AHHH FUCKING LITERAL CHILLS. we got jiaoqiu flashback where he was like a healer on the battlefield. i dont think im saying that right i forgot what theyre called. but like remember feixiao mentioning in 2.4 how jiaoqiu healed her, and later became her like main healer or something something i forget the wording

and then it goes black and we hear hoolays voice. i have a little hunch that it might be the thing to stop the lupitoxin's effects starting to fade, nad thus the toxin starting to affect him

hh his voice... :(

yeah okay so let us go

sorry did he just bite someone and they turned into a borisin or did it just get rid of the guys disguise

i wasnt paying attention to who it was. i know it wasnt mok tok (different appearance, also it showed jiaoqiu turning away to not see it and mok tok standing there while that was happening)

its genuinely so confusing trying to tell who is a foxian and whose a borisin cause disguises but i assume its an actual borisin who was disguised...

hes talking to moze but all i can hear is monke from ben's stream (aka moze's EN VA LMFAO)

OH IT WAS A NORMAL FOXIAN

what if he does it on jiaoqiu but then they figure out how to turn jiaoqiu back to normal and learn how to cure feixiao. right? right??? probably not but im so stressed

HOLY SHIT JIAOQIU. he sounds so.. wrung out. exhausted.

acting is fucking 10/10 he sounds kind of unhinged but in the slow still exhausted but with emphasis on some of the words?? like. like he still has fight in him. i dont know how to explain this but its really cool

oh shit does he die now

hooly fucking shit literal chills the text appearing on the black screen actually like communicating in a way to us and helping us get an idea of whats going on

okay major manga spoilers for demon slayer. but here is my next prediction: he has poison in his blood that will affect the borisins if they drink it, like how shinobu kocho had like a shit ton of wisteria in her blood (it was also under her fingernails and shit like that, she put it EVERYWHERE) so that when douma (who killed her sister) ate her he'd be poisoned and severely weakened

AM I RIGHT??

I. FUCKING. KNEW ITTTTTT

okay well it was pretty obvious because right before it mentioned the green peppers(?) thing and how to get a picky child to eat it, it re-mentioned that conversation. and then changed it how to get a wolf to something something i already forgot so it was obvious

but JIAOQIU LETS GOOOO i really hope you didnt die

no wait but shit

okay so i cant share any more images i hit the limit on tumblr but okay so if he consumed poison (ist tumbledust. i already forgor. was it like the thing thats like a sedative thats good in small quantities but lethal in large quantities? or was that like yabruh or something)

does that mean he'll die anyway or

i dont think jiaoqiu said it in front of hoolay but anyway im so unhappy that cutscenes lag for me (hoolay immediately clocks on that it was probably jiaoqiu who poisoned him but sdhfuf. this MEANS that hoolay drank JIAOQIUS BLOOD?!?!?!?!? is he DEAD??? )

also i HATE the hoolay fight im struggling so bad ahuisdhdisuad

YANQING LETS FUCKING GOOOOOO (boutta trigger hoolays jingliu trauma)

im sorry for accusing you of being a disguised borisin, sparkle traumatized me ok (and im sorry for pinching your cheeks in 2.4 being cautious of if you were a fake but also i didnt know that was what that option meant)

you were just acting really weird so i got stressed but LETS GOOOO

WHAT WE'RE FIGHTING HIM AGAIN????? YOURE FUCKING WITH ME

oh shit feixiao boss fight

heyy her character. trailer?? i think thats what it was called teased this. like cause she got drunk and couldnt recognize jing yuan and fought him (briefly)

YANQING FUCKING POPPED OFF THIS STORY

i (think) all thats left is feixiao boss fight that we saw in the livestream

some stuff. ill do wardance later. but im gonna end this post here. havent gotten to the end but i dont think ill have anything else to share and i dont have space here anyway so brr

OH FINALLY I CAN ACCESS DIFFICULTY MODES

AND YOU CAN CHOOSE THEM WHILE IN STORY OH THANK FUCK casual mode my precious

okay we figfhting preceptor oh

dan heng: the oath of the alliance doesnt matter to me because im not a part of the alliance anymore *attacks*

me using imbitior lunae dan heng in battle: uh. uh. uh. uhm. YEP

anyway jiaoqius alive (he almost died though)

he sounds so more subdued :(

HOLY SHIT HES BLIND? OH MY GOD thats both better and worse than i thought

OH MY GOD TINGYUN

i was so confused on ruan mei appearance but OH MY GOD

[lefetellc]

✨🌈💖Doodles n Ocs !!!!!! 🌈🌈💖

I was energized yesterday, so I grabbed my pencil and started looking around for interesting ocs lol

(( @minoru-eno // Idk what Kitty's @ is.... ))

First and foremost was this booger

Cant remember what his name was... But I really loved his zombie//rotting body

If I have a second chance, I'd draw a bit more gorey or twisted poses with him, since he can just regen himself>>

Have to say, this sketch turned out the BEST purely bc at a character standpoint, its amazing cough

Second is how well he can integrate himself in the detailed, Jmilo style

And also cus he's a cutie patootie...

And well, most of my energy was really put into this sketch

I had a lot of fun with him!!

MINORU IF YOURE LISTENING GIVE ME MORE CRUMBS STOP GATEKEEPING GRRRRR

.

.

.

HONESTLY after drawing 'experiment boy,' I knew that I wanted to do KittyLilyHeart's oc, Amcy, next

I wasnt certain what kind of pose I wanted

So, in the heat of the momment, I kinda... Redrew her refrence pose..

IN HINDSIGHT i could've just read her lore ((bc im a sucker for transmigration stories, my pfp boy is LITERALLY from one + 1 Lefe Lore point))

I think that she looks so much more... savage-like? An almost fox-like slyness...

What really stood out to me was her wide smile

It would be a dishonor!! Of me to make it smaller

Soo...

Nayway! I wished I leaned more into her transmigration plotpoint

Maybe a high tech panel to her sides, showcasing profiles of her 'units' and current progression eithin each story ...

Ah, but from my own speculation, she doesn't necessarily like or want to do it, huh?

Her dialogue on her refrence sheet is strange; "HELP" written in a light blood, red handprints on her shaded figure, a glitched and foreboding scream "GET ME OUT OF HERE!!!"

I like this aspect of her; it seems to me that she doesn't wanna be in this endless loop of romancing pointless people in a pointless story

If I had understood this earlier on, I would e implied ot better with the sketch

Hmm... Maybe a disgruntled expression while staring at a True Milo? A bit complicated... Ahh

I do like her though. I'm not fond of many characters, but shes got a place somewhere here

.

.

.

OK AT LONG LAST

Eerie Day

EERIE DAY, THAT ONE PL G*N OC

who happened to win a "whos the most unhinged" poll, cant forget that!!

Im surprised that he... Well, whatever

Pretty boy smh

Im showing his ugly picture, just for his humiliation fun!!

I

Actually liked drawing him again

.

Just kidding he needs to go back to jail

Stupid

ugly

Get in there, pretty face!!

Heh

One bad thing, put behind bars

Speaking of metal things, remember Opal? Yeah uhm. He's here too...

It seems like all my ocs are making a reappearance after weeks!! (R.i.p Cherry...)

Its been TOO LONG

and frankly I

Opal isnt suited for Jmilo style tbh

For one; no nose, no eyebrows, big boba eyes, unrealistic hair details

Ahh

Hes always meant for Jchan style I guess

Cutesy, big eyes, unrealistic hair

ehe, Speaking of Jchan style ...

Ta-da!!! A little present for coming down this far

Long road of me yapping

I like to yap. Just that nobody is here to listen.

Nayway!!!

Theres a few (ton) more ocs/characters I want to draw

Lots

All the milos, for one

And maybe another Pl oc? Ehe

Oh well~ Ill get to a certain nredeacterjecjevavtsbrsvg eventually

Anyway!! Heres a small sketch of myself!

My persona tbh... Same thing! Person! Same person!

Ahh

Thats all the tumblr images can handle

Thanks for seeing them all! I wish more people could tell me that I didnt waste my time, more often

Cya tmr! Or today? Its 2am... Ahhh

*falls backwards into coffin

[abbacchiosbelt]

you asked for diluc asks and i couldnt help myself, but indulge in it as well.

ive been thinking about an arranged marriage au with diluc, where both of you are kinda like, yeah it is what it is. yall dont like each other romantically, but its tolerable enough. it feels like a surface level friendship between the two of you, so thats something. until one day, everyone around you starts talking about when are you and diluc going to have a baby, because you know, thats kinda a pertinent part in this entire marriage. i mean, you guys didnt get married willy nilly because of some deep passionate love shared between you and diluc. you barely knew him when you had to marry him the moment you were of age. rather, because both your families thought that through your marriage, a child conceived out of it will surely further both family legacies. why else did they get you two together? both families are rich and influential, so you gotta respect family honor somehow.

so, wheres the baby?

tbh, both of you are really not on board with that idea. and so far, have managed to ignore the idea of it for the first few years together. but as you and diluc continue to live together as a married couple, it starts to get a little hard to push this aside. it seems to be your main duty as a couple and you feel the pressure burdening you. you can only ignore it for so long, until you see how your "husband" begins to look at you less with coldness but... with something deeper. with all this baby talk, diluc cant help himself but grow to almost like--no, open to the idea of it. especially with you...maybe it isnt too bad? if you were to become a parent, you'd make a good one, he thinks, because youre nice and caring...youre always eager to help others around you...you always seem happy too, with a pretty smile...and you smell nice...and you have soft skin...have you always looked this beautiful?

you cant help but shiver at the dark glint reflected in his eyes.

but in all honesty, i just kinda wanna see diluc slowly go feral after putting up with all this baby talk </3 one moment hes like, not into it at all. diluc never thought of having kids, ever, in the first place. but then the next moment, hes raising an eyebrow and going: "did this unlock something in me?"

[this could divulge into dark/yan content tbh. bc imagine diluc goes from being fine with sleeping in separate rooms and even letting this marriage be an open relationship, to suddenly forcing you to sleep next to him and demanding that both of you should start acting like a "proper" couple. you ought to listen to him more and to never stray too far from home.]

anon 👀👀👀 this is so tasty!! i am a sucker for arranged marriages gone yandere, but i do like the idea of a regular diluc just getting baby fever from being with you.

and yandere diluc in this scenario... hhh. his possessive side rears its ugly head FAST. he's not forceful about things - he'd never want to hurt you - but he makes it clear that his requests aren't something you can ignore. you'll understand, diluc thinks, when you see how he's going to properly romance you. you're going to treat him like a proper husband now, and that means fulfilling your duties as his spouse...

[writermask-0807]

dabi x reader {“it’s raining, it’s pouring...”}

A/N: OK I SHOULDNT BE POSTING THIS BUT I CANT HELP MYSELF AND JUST AHHH- somebody call the cops.

Warnings: shigaraki shaming. Swearing, but only like two words, female reader, a little bit of identity confusion?? Like touya is almost referred to as another person since this dabi views touya as another person, whom he used to be. And also Dabi’s very, very ooc. You'll understand once you get to a certain point in the fic but hey, I tried 🤷‍♀️ and it didn't work 😭

It’s raining.

Touya used to hate the rain, because it made his nose itch, because what was supposed to be a cool relief only blistered his sensitive skin even more, because the cold always seemed to worm into his bones and just stay there, freezing him inside out despite the quirk that warms fire at his fingertips.

Touya used to hate the rain, but Dabi- Dabi in all of his lazy smiles and cold-metal staples and purpled scars that always itch and crawl and burn in the rain- Dabi has learned to tolerate it. Love it, even, because after all, it is one of the things his pathetic excuse of a father hated, so Dabi grows to love it. He has learned how to grin through the itch and the crawl and the burn- because it fuels the anger despite the smile and anger is the only thing he has left to cling on, these days.

(Peeling skin and white hair and the familiar heat of this damning hellfire doesn’t count. Not anymore, because they are the remnants of a broken past, cremation ashes fluttering on the wind.)

Except, tonight he sickens of it. Tonight he sickens of the way the rain pours down in cold, aching sheets and chills him to his core, tonight he sickens of the way it threatens to re-open his scars, make them bleed once more, raw and burning and unbearable like the first time all over again.

It’s raining, and tonight he sickens of the way your frightened whimpers grate at his nerve-endings as you back into the corner of the dark alleyway.

Dabi doesn’t even know you; you’re just a nameless faceless nobody unfortunate enough to have crossed Shigaraki’s warpath, and he wouldn’t have given a damn about who his boss kills but you- you look so scared and lonely, your big eyes filling up with terrified tears as you beg for mercy and for a split second all Dabi can see is Touya, on his knees and crying and screaming, and doesn’t he know how that feels?

And Dabi freezes because yes, yes, he knows this feeling all too well and it’s ugly and painful in all of its familiarity because it feels an awful lot like Endeavor’s fist bashing his face into the harsh wooden flooring, it feels like an awful lot like the fire that had consumed Touya to ashes, and it feels like an awful lot like his mother’s weeping and as his tired eyes widen and adrenaline sparks fire at his fingertips, something deep and broken inside Dabi aches.

He’s shielding you before he can even think properly, and when he blinks almost all of Shigaraki’s fingers are digging into that veiny point in his neck that Dabi knows will knock him out before Shigaraki’s quirk would disintegrate him, if he wishes so.

Shigaraki peers up at him with too red eyes that gleam in the dark and hisses a vicious and ugly, “What? She’s mine,” before threateningly pressing another gaunt finger into Dabi’s neck.

Well aware of the situation he’s- well, you’ve gotten him into, really, Dabi looks down at him, eyes cold and carefully empty in the same way he hopes Endeavor’s used to be, hollow and yet intimidating all the same. “This one’s mine.” He says, tilting his head back so that his eyes light up in the moment of lightning that follows, bright and uncanny, his words punctuated with a steady calm he does not feel.

For a suffocating moment all Shigaraki does is just - stare at him, unreadable and equally scrutinizing, and just as Dabi thinks he’s done a shit job of keeping his pulse steady under those dangerous fingers, Shigaraki pulls away, apparently satisfied by whatever conclusion he’s come to. “Fine, but make it quick.” He says, making to leave the alleyway, and Dabi does not revel in the small breath of relief it grants him, despite the knot that loosens in his chest.

Instead, he turns back to you- you who’d been so obediently quiet in these past few minutes of negotiation- but now you’re a whimpering, soaked mess once more, cowering in the dark as you watch him with wide, petrified eyes and Dabi honestly can’t blame you for it, not when he knows this feeling all too well and - he should kill you - he should kill you right now and be done with it, flames billowing in the rain or his hands around your neck, but -

He can’t. Not like this. Not when there’s something suspiciously like gratefulness in your eyes under all the tears and wariness, not when you tremble but don’t run.

(It’s almost as though you know, like you’re peering into his soul, but that thought’s fucking ridiculous and Dabi shuts it down almost immediately, not wanting to face the raw vulnerability it would leave him with.)

Dabi sighs tiredly, runs a hand through his messy, dripping hair, reaching his decision as he takes one last at you; committing every detail that he can make out through the shadows, the terror and all, the color and shape and shine of your eyes, the wet locks of your hair thrown over your shoulders, the curve of your mouth - before he looks away into the tunneling exit of the alleyway, and already he knows that yours is a face he’ll never forget.

“He’s gone. Now scram.” His voice is hoarse as he digs his hands into the pockets of his coat, the rain drenching him in cold. He doesn’t look, but he hears the shuffle of your feet getting up, working hesitantly before you rush past him and zip out of the dingy alley, a bird free from its cage. He’s almost jealous, in a way. He doesn’t have that choice anymore, because that was what Touya wanted, and now Touya’s dead and this is Dabi now. Dabi in all of his lazy smiles and cold-metal staples and purpled scars that itch and crawl and burn in the rain that has, for the first time in a long time, let someone go.

It’s raining, and Dabi walks away feeling something strangely content fill up that gaping hole in his chest, something not quite happy, but fulfilling and warm all the same.

(And if it’s because Dabi heard something like a low, muttered thank you as your shoulder had briefly brushed past his, well, there’s nothing he can do but blame the rain for playing tricks on his ears.)

FIN-

[sassykinzonline]

What was your Coachella of 2016?

Basically the outfits you wore throughout the years (doesn’t matter if we only see them once) and rate them and why you wore them?!

thank you for elaborating because i have 0 idea what coachella is

i cant be bothered to find an individual picture for all of these so heres a reference and i'll just talk about them in order

kiddo fit : was comfy and matched my brother, 6/10. could be more individual and fun, but was sentimental.

new graduate fit: still comfy, unique colour for the uchiha. i think i chose that shade of blue because it made a statement without being....garish. i wanted to separate myself from my brother. short-sleeves because i run pretty hot. 7/10, still basic but more individual.

genin fit: iconic. form, style, and function, as i mentioned in a different ask, the leg and arm warmers worked to hide ninja tools like my strings. 10/10, i think when most people think of me they think of this.

chunin exam fit: this one was a functional outfit. i spent pretty much all that time training in the middle of nowhere with a technique that was dangerous and painful. the bandages and the braces are to help stabilize my arms for the chidori without being a fire hazard like the arm and leg warmers would've been. i also had a lot of burns and sprains that i needed to treat while still training. 5/10, at least it's useful but i'm not proud of the fact that i chose a romper because rock lee wore a jumpsuit.

otogakure fit: another iconic fit. this is actually a combination of function and a fashion statement. the hakama was open because i didnt want to buy new clothes every time i used my curse mark. the obi and the blue cloth help me carry kusanagi while also maintaining the samurai silhouette. to be brief, i represented myself as a samurai because i was single-mindedly dedicated to the honour of my clan. 10/10, perfect.

renegade fit: this is actually my favourite outfit. it was comfortable both in terms of fabric and movement. i like the colours. i think it's attractive and makes me look dangerous. the bandages were necessary but still look cool, and the ones on my forehead make you wonder "is he reclaiming konoha?" 11/10.

akatsuki fit: my hair was a disaster so i kind of wish i had made more use of the hood. at the same time though, i wanted the fear that my face and the akatsuki cloak combined would inspire. 4/10, the only points here really come from the improvement on the cloak. youre welcome obito.

konoha crush pt 2 fit: i...am ambivalent towards this look. it kept me cool and it looked nice. i think the return to the short sleeves was some sort of reclamation of my youth, but it also feels confused and speaks to my mental state. it made me recognizable but still not exactly the same as before. 8/10.

vote 2 fit: i mean...the silhouette changed to something really similar to my brother's clothes under his cloak. the clothes were torn. im glad i wore short sleeves since i ended up losing an arm. 4/10, somehow the result of a lot of effort and no effort at the same time.

from this point on, i didnt actually wear any of these outfits as they are so i'll just comment on what i like and what i actually wore.

10. ronin fit: so i did wear a headband but i wore it under my bangs, but that was because i used a bow often to hunt for food. i think this outfit is ugly and im annoyed at it. 3/10 for the poncho. i did wear a poncho type thing, but i wore it more like the otogakure outfit--folded down around my waist for access to my weapons but easy to pull back over myself for warmth. i wore a long sleeved mesh shirt for compression to help with the phantom pains in my arm, and a shirt and pants that looked like my brother's but in a darker blue. you can imagine something similar to what gaara wore the first time we met him with the asymmetrical visual of a japanese archery uniform. in my mind i was thinking more artemis/ancient greece.

11. interpol fit: i dont hate this but i dont love it. it doesnt really fit for the purposes i wouldve been using it for because it just stands out a lot and looks like a military outfit. 4/10 because it's not ugly, but the form betrays the function. in actuality i wore something similar to the renegade fit, just in more plain colours and a full haori. think a farmer's outfit in tan with black accents and black pants. dark blue haori over everything to keep warm and look plain. i was trying to blend in with civilians.

12. dad fit: i feel like this is something more like what itachi would wear at that age, but i do like it. the cloak seems cumbersome at this point though, i would overheat fast. 7/10. since im nowhere near this age, i'll comment on what i wear these days for missions. it's pretty similar to the renegade fit as well, but the hakama is left fully open and worn more like a vest. in a kendo uniform, you tie up the sleeves but in my case i tie them up to essentially make the hakama sleeveless. i just wear a somewhat loose tank top under that. picture charasuke. on the bottom i wear athletic shorts that i suppose are similar to the ones i wore as a genin but longer and maybe a bit looser. long shin guards and ninja sandals as well, so it looks a bit similar to the bottom of the otogakure era clothing but more kendo than samurai. colours vary but i tend to keep it all black, grey tank top. if im feeling festive then grey shorts, black tank top, blue hakama. i do own an orange tank top thanks to naruto. naruto also made me a necklace with just one pearl on it. it looks both like the full moon but also his sun mark, so it's nice.

around the village i just wear a dark blue haori with sweats and a t-shirt. nothing too interesting because konoha doesnt deserve that from me.

[se0bs]

𝖳𝗋𝗒，𝖸𝗈𝗈𝗇 𝖪𝖾𝖾𝗁𝗈

•𝖲𝗒𝗇𝗈𝗉𝗌𝗂𝗌: 𝖦𝗂𝗏𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗎𝗉 𝖻𝗎𝗍 𝗁𝖾 𝗐𝗈𝗇𝗍 𝗅𝖾𝗍 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝖽𝗈 𝗍𝗁𝖺𝗍

•𝖨𝗇𝖿𝗈: 𝖪𝖾𝖾𝗁𝗈,𝖨𝖽𝗈𝗅 𝖠𝗎,𝖥𝗅𝗎𝖿𝖿／𝖠𝗇𝗀𝗌𝗍, 𝖲𝗁𝗈𝗋𝗍

•𝖶𝖺𝗋𝗇𝗂𝗇𝗀𝗌: 𝖶𝗈𝗋𝖽𝗌 𝗆𝖾𝗇𝗍𝗂𝗈𝗇 (𝖡𝗋𝗎𝗌𝗂𝗇𝗀,𝖥𝖺𝗅𝗅𝗂𝗇𝗀),Low self esteem,Idk let me know!!

Falling

Bruises

Getting up again

Repet

“You did great, let's come back later this week to practice. You can choose the song you like and we can learn together ok?” Keeho told you in a loving voiceMk thank you for helping me i really so grateful for you” letting him know who you felt.Giving you a side hug and just stay still for a bit.You don't want to leave the warmth and he can't either just trying to let go it can't happen for some reason.I try my best to always do my best but why does it take so much energy to just try.I want to give and just lay down.Legs aching feeling tired i just want to sit for a bit.But i won't let myself do that.I see you and ask why i decided to do this but i want to stay by your side.

Repeating the same step over and over seeing you do the dance looks so easy but when i try its ugly and just messes.Even though im bad you still think im good.”Please stop lying keeho i know its bad and don't try to hide it..".Watching you downgraded yourself keeho just wants to tell you how much he cares but he cant he as a idol face to maintain.”Look y/n you amazing it's hard to follow but it's ok don't take yourself down It's okay if you can’t dance not everyone is good at it but i see it in you, your vocals and the way you can just sway to the music you have potentially just let me help you please?”.

Seeing you move and just sway to the music in the living room of his dorm he knows you and knows there is something in you. Putting your guards down for him you let him help you see him care for you and not abuse it.Letting him take the lead you follow his moves.

“Let’s just stay like this for a bit if that's fine mhm?” you told him trying to not sound like those cringing love stories.yeah i feel cozy here” keeho mumbled into your shoulder. He begins to sway you and his body no music just your twos breathing. “This is totally what friends do yk?” keeho said, trying to get you talking. “Idk to be honest i just feel like just sleeping into your chest you feel comfy for some reason.

”Letting go you guys go you separations ways and waiting for tomorrow

[kingsephir]

Regularly scheduled mental breakdown-

I WANNA GO HOME OH MY GOD.

I miss my friends and I want to hang out with my cousins and i'm tired of the shit that is Japan. I don't want to go home early i just want time to pass.

This winter i'm going to Istanbul so that'll help a lot.

I am having a bit of a medical crisis too- we'll see how crisis it is in two weeks or so. But like. Atleast i'm in a country and have a job with healthcare. So that's nice.

And this weekend when I was out I was having such AWFUL gender dysphoria. And so many photos of me were taken and I honestly have not felt bad about myself for a long time but HOLY LORD. I CANNOT. AND THEN MY HUSBAND (he was drunk when he said this so I can forgive his misplaced callousness) SAID FUCK YOU FOR NOT LIKING YOUR OWN PHOTOS. And I was like FUCK YOU, I CAN THINK WHATEVER I WANT ABOUT MYSELF.

And it's like i've been loosing weight and such which is good (not in an unhealthy way it's been super chill and easy and planned), but that doesn't change that I hate my stupid fucking smile it's SO UGLY. AND MY RESTING FACE LOOKS SO FUCKING SAD.

And i'm often perceived no matter how I try as awww, so adorable and small. IM A FUCKING BIG ASS MAN INSIDE. I AM. LITERALLY.

And I went out pretty Masc and the men generally handled me in a masc way. Which was AMAZING. But then my friend- (ok i'm a little jealous but also not really- it's just bc of the breakdown), IS SO GIRLY AND PRETTY (even tho she dresses generally like shit), and i'm like ahhhhhh I DONT REMEMBER HOW TO BE GIRLY I PUT ON EYELINER AND I WANNA THROW UP.

(i have had a really nice makeup routine lately that i really like that's a little girly- little masc. So that has been nice)

i was like- lemme wait a few days until I see a photo of myself then i GUESS I DIDNT WAIT LONG ENOUGH SO FUCK YOU SEPHIR. NOW MY IMAGE OF MYSELF HAS BEEN SULLIED AND I HATE MY FUCKING HAIR BUT I CANT STOP PICKING AT IT AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

I cant wait to be home in the US. (hopefully with a good prez) Hanging out and remaking relationships with my cousins, becoming close with my highschool and college friends again bc most people on this program are total FREAKS. Maybe i'll meet some NORMAL FUCKING PEOPLE in the engineering dept. IM- AGGHHGHH.

My psychotic interest has been outweighed by the absolutely pathetic and under formed people HERE ON THIS GOVERNMENT SANCTIONED PROGRAM. Oh my god.

Anyways. Back to regular scheduled programming.

[sturnsbae]

PROMPT LIST! — ☆

disclaimer: you are MORE than welcome to suggest your own ideas as well! also, please do not combine more than 3 prompts! and don’t forget to please clarify the prompts when you request!! <3

-

FLUFF

1. "you're the only one who can calm him down"

2. “your fans don't like me"

3. “i’m here baby, don't worry"

4. "i love you more than anyone"

5. “come cuddle me"

6. “i want attention"

7. “quit stealing all the pillows!”

8. “you’re my new pillow”

9. “i’m so drunk i think i love you”

10. “there’s room for two!”

11. “stop being grumpy”

12. "aww you're blushing!"

13. “you make me feel safe”

14. “can i get your number?"

15. “i’m scared to meet your family"

16. “i love your family, they make me feel so welcome"

17. “i like showing you off”

18. “i miss you"

19. “i need you right now"

20. "that's the prettiest fan i've ever seen"

21. “i’m so stressed out”

22. "lets have a movie night"

23. “can i do your makeup?"

24. "dance with me"

25. “it's a tiktok trend i'm sorry!"

26. “do this tiktok with me"

27. “let's go on a drive"

28. “you're drunk, i'll help you"

29. “i like that nickname"

30. "i like that outfit on you

31. “my clothes look better on you anyways"

32. “bake with me”

33. "let's go shopping"

34. “i’m sick"

35. “you're ticklish?!"

36. “let me teach you how to ice skate"

37. “take me to get my wisdom teeth out"

38. “have you seen my hoodie?"

39. “stop video taping me this isn't funny!"

40. “don't you dare post that"

41. “i look ugly”

42. “he won't stop talking about you”

—

ANGST / SAD

1. “was this all just a joke to you?”

2. "we're just hooking up, it's nothing serious"

3. "why don't you ever post me?"

4. "i’ll change for you, i promise"

5. "i got in a fight because of you"

6. "i thought you cheated, i'm sorry"

7. "no need for attitude!"

8. "yeah, i'm jealous"

9. "forgive me?"

10. "they’re my ex, we broke up for a reason don’t worry”

11. “are you really that oblivious?”

12. “i want this to be real, not fake anymore”

13. “yeah i like you, dipshit”

14. “i want you, not them.”

15. “can’t you make some time for me?”

16. “i don’t even know who you are anymore!”

17. “forget it, you’re a fucking asshole.”

18. “don’t ever do that again!”

19. “do you even love me anymore?”

20. “can you shut up and listen to someone other than yourself for once in your life?”

21. “i told you not to fall in love with me.”

22. “the worst thing is, that even after all of that, i’m still in love with you.”

23. “why are you even here?”

24. “are you even listening to me?!”

25. “if you love me, you’ll let me go”

26. “i cant keep doing this to myself!”

27. “you don’t know me, so don’t act like you do.”

—

ENEMIES TO LOVERS

1. “you’re my tutor? absolutely not.”

2. “you haven’t called me an asshole yet today, everything okay?”

3. “i guess were partners for this…” “oh please someone kill me now.”

4. “just cause our parents are friends doesn’t mean we are”

5. “stop following me around like a lost puppy!” … “maybe you being around isn’t so bad.”

6. “congratulations, i guess.” “oh, are you done being an asshole now?”

7. “don’t feel special that i’m here, my mom made me come.” “mhm, sure.”

8. “are they fighting again?” “worse, they’re kissing”

9. “did i just hear a ‘thank you’?” “do not get used to hearing that.”

10. “i am not getting in that car with you, are you crazy?”

11. “do you ever stop complaining?” “you ever think that if you stopped being an idiot i wouldn’t need to complain?”

12. “why do you hate me?” “you think i hate you?”