#cant go wrong with bagels....

[solargeist]

what does one feed their inner child. a bagel?

sure, maybe 2 bagels

[the-meme-monarch]

do you think kk was just fucking w capn during the 400 bagels scene and was just committing to the bit

[filmbyjy]

hiii

you may not recognize me and thats because im (kinda) new hehe.. anyway, i've been kinda stalking you- but that's besides the point. i loveee your workss!! keep up the good work <3 idk if asks are open, but if they are, could you write a fluffy fem!reader x bf!niki where the reader comes home from a long day, and niki comforts her?? and if you cant, its totally ok <3

have a nice day!

a/n: this has been in the drafts for a year now💀 so sorry, I am trying to clear the drafts but my schedule is shit and we all know I suck at keeping up with my schedule😍

WELCOME HOME

it was past 8pm when you had treaded through the front door of your apartment. your body sore from leaning over the tables and wiping it. normally, the cafe you work at was peaceful and was decently packed but after a viral video that practically wowed the internet.

there had been more and more people stopping by everyday. the cafe was decently sized but it was short staffed so sometimes you had to man the cashier, do the dishes, clean the tables and make the drinks. for normal days (before the surge of people), there was about 2 people working per shift, not including the 2 bakers in the kitchen as they were the behind the scenes staff that were required to be there.

with not that many staff per shift, it was hard for you and whoever was working that day to manage the cafe. that also meant more demands from the customers who think they are entitled to make a mess of the space as 'customers are always right'. curse, whoever made that quote.

you were mentally and physically drained. you just needed a good long rest for the rest of the week. however, you couldn't do that. not when your off-days were already used up for visiting your family back in your hometown. if only you could just...take a breather.

"welcome home, baby!" ni-ki slides into the hallway just as you walked towards the living room. you gave him a tired smile.

"hi riki, why aren't you at the dorm?" ni-ki gives you a playful pout.

"already kicking me out? baby, you wound me. i came to see you and you're already pushing me away." he says as he throws his (long) arms around you. "you weren't answering my calls so i assumed it was a long day at work and you didn't charge your phone."

you took out your phone and tried to turn it on but it was indeed dead. "sorry, today was a hectic day. couldn't even get a proper lunch break. there was so many people coming over for the past week."

"yeah, i heard about it. jake hyung talked about wanting to come over and buy some desserts. they did look good but since you know us being celebrities...we could get mobbed."

you hummed, "that's fair. it's a good thing you didn't go. seriously, have never seen such a long queue outside of the cafe in my whole years of working there."

"there was a queue?" he says as he pulls back from the hug.

"yeah, i felt like i was working at some fancy restaurant. oh god, speaking of there are so many karens trying to scam me and gaslight me into thinking i did something wrong when i did nothing wrong." you groaned and buried your head against ni-ki's chest.

he pats your head. "were you the shift manager?"

"usually i am whenever i am working that day."

"mmm, then you could've kicked them out and taught them a lesson."

"trust me, i wanted to but i can't i'll lose my job so i just sucked it up and patiently worked with them and even gave them a free bagel."

"not the free bagels, baby. they'll just come back again for more." ni-ki huffs.

"i know but what am i supposed to do." you sniffled as the tears that unknowingly appeared falls. you were just mad and exhausted. ni-ki obviously heard it so he pulls you back and cups your face.

"hey hey, don't cry. everything will be fine. why don't i run you a bath and then order some of your favourite food, okay?" he wipes the tears that were falling down.

"will cuddles be included?"

"of course. cuddles will be included. now, just lay in bed and i'll get the bath running." he pecks your forehead and goes to move to bedroom. however, you grabbed his wrist.

"carry me to my bedroom?" you pout. ni-ki smiles and scoops you up in his arms. he princess carries you over to your bed and places you gently onto the mattress before going over to the bathroom and getting ready the bathtub.

you had shut your eyes for a bit since you were tired but the exhaustion took a toll on you and you fell asleep for a little. ni-ki shakes you a little. "baby? the bath is ready. go enjoy it, i already placed an order so the food should be on the way soon."

you hummed and went over to the bathroom to remove your clothing and step into the bathtub. you laid your back against the edge of the tub and shut your eyes again. the candle light making everything moody and warm. you were enjoying the comfortable warmth and silence, much better than the bustling sounds at the cafe. this felt nice.

you had spent in the bathroom for about 20 minutes or so before deciding to get out of the tub. you didn't want to your fingers or toes to look like dried prunes so you decided to just get out of the water. you had grabbed the towel and dried yourself off. you could hear a knock at the door.

"baby, i have pyjamas with me. i forgot to leave them inside the bathroom." you opened the door to ni-ki. he had one hand out to hold the pyjama set and the other hand covering his eyes. a very gentleman thing of him to always do if you came out of the shower in just your towel.

you had noticed he too was wearing a pyjama set and it was similar to yours. of course, he loved matching things with you. you grabbed the pyjamas. "mmm, i think you forgot to grab my undergarments."

his ears quickly turned red in embarrassment. "ah, i knew i forget something. i-i'll just leave the room so you could change." and so ni-ki bolts out of the room and shuts the door. you shook your head, laughing a little since he was so adorable.

you changed into the pyjamas after putting on your undergarments and then went out to the living room. there ni-ki was, turning on the tv and searching up your favourite anime to watch together and setting up the food onto the coffee table. you had come up behind him and back hugged him.

"i have the best boyfriend in the world." you say. ni-ki smiles.

"well, let's not forget your boyfriend is one of a kind. where can you get another nishimura riki, member of boy band enhypen, in the world." he boasts. you playfully rolled your eyes and released him.

"that's very humble of you, riki." you playfully say.

"oh, i know. i'm just that hot." ni-ki smirks. you laughed.

"yeah, you are. now, will my hunk of a boyfriend please just cuddle and eat with me?"

"of course, i'll eat with my beautiful and amazing girlfriend any time." he steals a small peck to your lips and settles down on the couch. you gave him a playful gaze and settled right next to him.

after some time, you found yourself tangled with ni-ki. your legs and his long ones were somehow crossed in between in each other as you cuddled like cats laying together.

"oh, it's over?" you say.

"no, it can't be." ni-ki gasps.

a flash to the tv showed 'season 2 coming soon'. it made both you and ni-ki groan. "that's lame. we have to wait for the next season? that's going to take 1-2 years." ni-ki whines.

"they're going to pull another 'Spy Family' thing where there isn't going to have episodes in the next season, i can feel it." you complained.

"boooo. let's watch something else." ni-ki grumbles.

"yeah, let's watch-"

"let's watch, you. you're really pretty." ni-ki says as he stares down at you. ah, this playful and teasing ni-ki is appearing now.

"that wasn't that smooth, riki."

"well, to me it was. besides, this is a signal for you to reward me and i don't know give me a kiss or at least a peck? i am an amazing boyfriend, right?"

you snort, "yes, riki. you are but you're not getting that peck."

"what? why." he pouts.

"because..." you got closer to him and watches you with adorable doe eyes. before you unexpectedly peck him and ran away. ni-ki sits there confused, trying to analyse the situation properly. until he finally digested it.

"hey! get back here!" he yells as he tries to chase after you.

you could've not felt any better.

and being with ni-ki helped it.

[fisherrprince]

aight

medium cheddar: extremely hit or miss. my favorite brand is tillamook and im not biased about it. great to just munch on though, it's not really a cheese that wants or needs anything else. good base ingredient for like a grilled cheese. perfectly average 6/10.

sharp cheddar: i love extra sharp cheddar i love you looong aged white sharp cheddar FANTASTIC snack and best with some sweet apples or something. Needs a cracker or bread or some sweeter snack on the side. coastal cheddar from costco is good but can be a bit too sharp with lots of crystallization. 9/10. 

mozzarella: ok i dont like tillamook for this one. too dry. mozzarella is really not a cheese i like to eat by itself, i'm not a cheese stick fan and i really dislike the texture of wet mozzarella balls, but when it's good melted ON stuff it's good on stuff. 7/10 grilled pizza cheese pull

pepperjack: this is THEEEE cheese to grate for a recipe and sneak like 20 bites of the grated cheese. little pepper bits in there. I don't enjoy eating slices of it though. 7/10

parmesan: you cant go wrong with a little parma jawn............. best as a little accent on top of stuff. just makes whatever you're cooking a lil tastier. Not my favorite when the whole thing tastes of just parmesan though, it's kinda bitey. 8/10

cottage cheese: i cant stand cottage cheese. The texture is nasty and the combo of the texture with the flavor is nastier. 1/10

gruyere: french. INCREDIBLE on potatoes and in fondue and in little bits to snack on. Not an eating by itself cheese often but it doesnt have to be. I'd eat this grated on top of kinda anything savory. 9/10

gouda: i get this mixed up with gruyere all the time, but gouda is a bit harder and sweeter. a good salami cheese for your charcuterie. you see smoked gouda a lot which if thats YOUR deal thats cool but i dislike the taste of smoked things. 7/10

blue cheese: really really good cheese that is stymied by not going with a lot of stuff and not being super good to just eat on its own. it's a SHARP taste that gets in your nose. gorgonzola specifically is so good with pears and arugula except I'm mildly allergic to pears. BEST with steak gimme dat blue cheese butter STEAK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! would be 9/10 if it were not so particular. 7/10.

feta: bit of a weird texture but it makes salads and gyros ROCK so. it gets a pass. not that fancy on its own but i really do like it in a salad. 6/10. 

cream cheese: YEAAAAHHHHH BAGELLLLSSSS 9/10 i love bagels. also makes other dishes creamy (best part of cheese)

manchego: best with salami. not that impressive on its own, but that's because it's a harder cheese you eat with salami. 5/10, elevates meat but the meat does not elevate it

brie: somehow airplane brie is better than normal brie??? i don't eat this cheese unless it's on an airplane meal fr. which means i hardly ever eat brie. kinda weird tasting. 4/10

camembert: miraculous ladybug hyped me up for this cheese and i bought some and must have done it wrong or something because it doesn't smell and hardly tasted different from brie. I want to try it again so bad because gooey cheeses are like drool-worthy to me. hesitant 3/10 for being a disappointment

asiago: yknow an asiago bread is pretty good but ive never had asiago cheese on its own! 6/10? umami

cotija: BIG FAN of cotija. pile that stuff on my tacos thank you. i dont have the same problems as i do with feta maybe because you grate or crumble cotija real small in comparison? havent had it on anything but a taco though. 8/10 

goat cheese: also a big fan of goat cheese. you can fry it and its good, and you can put it in pasta and its good, you can eat it with crackers and it's good... not really good with meat, but it's sharper so that makes sense to me. 8/10 again

swiss cheese: i never really liked swiss cheese. unless its on my sandwich. OR! unless it's like specifically emmentaler and it's in my fondue. 4/10

provolone: SAME goes for provo LONE. makes french dip really good though, and is one of the classic salami cheeses. this is because it needs salt. 5/10 better than swiss

edam: this is babybel cheese, right? it's fine. good for snacking not for eating a lot of. 7/10

colby jack: this is literally cheddar but not. id rather have cheddar 5/10

ricotta: controversially, i love ricotta... it doesnt have a lot of flavor which makes eating it by itself unpleasant. HOWEVER!!!!!!!!!! in lasagne..? on top of sourdough with salt and garlic? in a kolache with jam?? i lvoe ricotta. i wish it didn't go bad so fast. or maybe it came in smaller packages. 8/10

american cheese: the only place this thing shines is ON BURGER. where it SHOULD BE, KIND OF ALWAYS. or on a bacon egg and cheese. those are the two places you always want american. situationally 8/10 but usually 4/10 i dont want it anywhere else

muenster: the best part of eating muenster cheese is eating the little slice that always seems to come off the edge when you take it out the package. otherwise it's a perfectly serviceable mild cheese, melts well, 6/10.

pecorino romano: like, parmesan's sharper saltier more fashion-forward cousin. use this in moderation imo it really has a Big Taste to it, but it makes carbonara nummy, 7/10

paneer: i have not HAD... paneer... but it LOOKS like it would be tasty. withholding judgement. 

gournay: i love those little boursin rounds you can just get at the store with the garlic and herbs. soft, savory, good on crackers 9/10

infused flavor cheeses: these are usually fresh cows milk cheeses that have like some kinda flavor or spice on them or rolled into them. All depends on the flavoring. The base cheese itself is usually real mild and creamy though, and I have good experiences with it! Also goes bad a bit fast though. Variable/10

theres other cheeses out there but i just realized ive been talking about cheese for a LOOONG TIIIMMMEEE. i like cheese though. big fan of it. if u think of some other cheese you really want an opinion on i will readily tell you

[pillow4t]

These are just my favorite/main headcannons tbh

• HEAVY on the they/them Moria

• Cassidy is a girls girl™ If he's out on a mission with (insert literally any woman in ow) and some creepy guy is hitting on her/touching her, he'll go over and defend her, pretending to be her boyfriend so they'll back down

•Trans Junkrat!!! Trans Sombra!!!!

•Roadhog had a wife and kids before he joined the AFL idc what anyone says

•Baptist calls lifeweaver "Flè mwen" which means "my flower" in Haitian Creole (I used a translator so let me know if I'm wrong <3)

•Pharah stole one of Cassidy's hats back in his blackwatch days when she was 13, she still has it (and sometimes wears it around the bass)

•Genji has a drink named after him at the bar he used to frequent when he was younger

•Junkrats mom spoke Arabic so that's why he gravitated to Ana when he was first around her, he hasn't told anybody tho

•Mercy loves to harp on Cassidy about his smoking habits like she isn't living off of coffee and cigarettes (and sometimes a bagel bc of pharah😌

•Cassidy got Ana a "I love my lesbian daughter" shirt for Christmas, he bought it as a joke, she wears it regularly.

•Junkrat can swallow something then bring it back up, it's a great party trick, he thinks, but it usually grosses people out. It's come in handy on missions tho

•When Sojourn brings Murphy to the watchpoint, she gets SMOTHERED with pets, kisses and love from everyone. The same thing happens when Brigitte brings Mitzi around.

•Symetera and Lifeweaver have completely opposite tastes in music so they were CONSTANTLY arguing about who gets to put on music when they shared a dorm (sym usually won)

•When Hanzo laughs he snorts

•Lúcio has real bad arthritis and his skates are more braces than anything, he also has knee, hand and back braces at the ready

•Tracer gets Emily a souvenir from every place she gets deployed to

•Zenyattas favorite color is Yellow

•JunkerQueen carries around hamster treats in her pockets when Wreaking Ball is with her "For when the champ gets hungry!" She always says(in reality she just thinks it's cute how hamsters eat)

•Torbjorn sometimes brings his (older) kids around if the original group of Overwatch is there, he trusts the others...just not with his kids and is really reluctant with Brigitte

•Roadhog has been teaching Junkrat how to properly write and read and it's really improved how Junkrat functions when they're not fighting for survival in the outback

•Illari is a jewelry girl, but she cant wear to much because it gets in the way of training/fighting, but her collection of gold accessories is off the charts

•Sombra took the username D.va on social media and finds it SO funny that Dva has to use a different variation of her gamertag

•I feel like Reaper still has the same sense of humor he did in over/blackwatch and will constantly make witty jokes to Widowmaker or Moria who just give him a blank stare, Doomfist usually finds them funny tho

•Kiriko and Genji literally cannot cook to save their lives and usually takes two of them to make a small microwave meal

•B.O.B had his voice box removed when he was working for Ashes parents and even after all the years of her offering him to get his voice back, he chooses to use sign language instead but the offer is always on the table, Ashe says

•Lúcio has a 10k DJ set up in his room, and gets violent if anyone tries to mess with anything, literally almost took Cassidy's other arm off when he moved a bunch of dials, he'll show you around the soundboard if you ask tho!

•Kiriko is Hanzo and Genjis Cousin (Asa is their mom's sister <3)

•Reinhardt snores. LOUDLY. Brigitte had to get him a sleep apnea mask so she was able to sleep in the same vicinity as him

•Reaper is from Michigan🫶🏻

•Soldier76 gets made fun of by D.va for being old, but the second he's like "me and Ana are practically the same age" D.va gets all defensive "you just called a woman old!"

•Mei and Tracer share a room, they both sleep better with company

•(Blackwatch)Moria and Genji had an anime night where they would watch 10-20 episodes of any given series they were on, but

---

RAHHH OKAY I LITERALLY HAVE MORE LINER UP BUT I FEEL LIKE ITS ALREADY A SUPER LONG POST

But yeah :) I'm incapable of liking something a little bit so yeahhhh

[draculas-tits]

sorry i couldnt resist posting bagel as a recipe the actual sandwich i just invented which rocked my soul thoroughly was:

bagel, with butter, grilled

ricotta on both slices of bagel

caramelized onions in the ricotta on the bottom bagel slice

artichoke hearts on the onions and ricotta

then 2 to 3 slices of cheese (we know it's gonna be 3)

put the top bagel slice on

put it in the oven or toaster just long enough to melt the cheese

trust me the sweetness of the caramelized onions contrasting with the savory artichoke hearts surrounded by cheese and bagel? cant go wrong

[mx-misty-eyed]

i saw spiderverse yesterday and oh my god. (movie review/spoilers below)

First of all, trans gwen stacy, im literally going insane, gwen stacy is trans. Anyway it was the best spiderman movie I've ever seen, easily, best animated movie too. Across the spiderverse was so good I'm genuinely considering if it was the best movie I've ever seen. The cameos were so fucking awesome i was shaking my friend next to me and pointing at the scream like every two minutes, donald glover, spectacular spiderman, insomniac spiderman, scenes from andrew and tobey's movies. Gwen's back story and home life, her struggle with her dad and the way its so easily comparable to coming out to your parents, for both her and Miles. She told her dad she was spiderwoman and he couldnt accept that, their relationship from that point is incredibly difficult in which they cant really even look at each other, him getting upset because to him, she isnt his daughter anymore, eventually all of this ending in the heartbreaking talk at the end where they finally try to see each others points of views and get to say what they want and finally hugging as the world around them is painted in trans colors (little tangent here but oh my god the way gwens entire universe looks like paint or a painting is so fucking beautiful and the way it started running and she was yelling and crying at her dad, so fucking amazing)

And Miles hiding his identity from his parents, scared that they'll hate him or be mad at him lying about it for so long, and when he finally gets up the guts to tell his family (albeit the wrong family) the dialouge is so similar to trans people coming out. Him saying he has something to tell them and he doesnt want it to change the way they see him or anything and how he doesnt want them to be mad or love him any less. Me and my friend related way too much to that scene.

Miguel my husband and his backstory were heartbreaking too, not having a family, finding a universe where he does have one and trying to live there. Hobie Brown just being the coolest fucking guy ever from his accent to his genuinely accurate portrayal of punks and how they use it to be serious and have him realize the spider team aren't the good guys or play it up for jokes. THE INSANE FUCKING PLOT TWISTS OF, THE SPOT BEING THE GUY MILES HIT WITH A FUCKING BAGEL IN THE FIRST MOVIE, MILES BEING IN THE WRONG UNIVERSE WHEN HE GOES HOME BECAUSE HE WAS BIT BY THE SPIDER FROM THAT UNIVERSE AND SHOULDNT ACTUALLY EXIST AS SPIDERMAN, AND OTHER UNIVERSE HIM BEING THE FUCKING PROWLER. The entire theater was freaking out it was awesome. I dont think i even need to talk about the animation. The blend of different styles was awesome as usual, but they actually experimented more with this one and it paid off so well. The vulture in the beginning was so beautiful, me and my friend were freaking out every time he was on screen, and Hobie fucking brown. Hobie Brown was the most beautiful animation I've ever seen, the way he moved, the way he changed colors, they way he interacted with objects and people and the world around him, they experimented with him and it paid off so well and I hope in they next one they'll continue to do things like that. I literally never review movies but everything about this one was so awesome that i needed to talk about it

[googiesarakaya]

Heyy tell us about your top 5 snacks 😋

OH MY GODD SO KIND TO ASK 😗

1. RITZ PEANUT BUTTER CRACKER SANDWICHES

is she a little bit too sweet and gets me a little too phlegmy? maybe but thats between me and my 2.30am coughing fit

2. FROZEN EDAMAME

theyre like $3 a bag at the whole foods at wall street and i buy abt four bags a week when i’m forced to go into the office

3. GARLIC ROASTED PEANUTS

i just came back from the philippines and i’m running out already. they are way too salty and oily but bc i bought them in cylinder shaped containers i’ve been straight up drinking them

4. HARD BOILED EGGS

truly sincerely i dont know whats wrong with me. i make these like half a dozen at a time and finish it during the work week. and maybe youre like, oh put some everything but the bagel seasoning, i will smack that egg from you. i just want it a little salty and nothing but egg. cracking a cold one (hard boiled egg) with the boys (just me i live alone)

5. HARVEST SNAPS

i have to traverse to the BJs for this one bc nowhere else sells it at the size i need it to consume it decadently. i cant even rec to say its good or healthy. its oily and tastes like green but not in the matcha way

[silly4sillypoll]

hi boomer fans you guys r cool ive voted boomer like every other time but also considering ive been hyperfixated on scc for months im obligated to vote for them

anyways . heres a video of every single time they appear ingame incase youd like to know just how silly they are

-capn tries to scam you, and k_k sells them to you for the price they usually are . capn doesnt stop him

-k_k'll also give you free bagels up to 6 if you cant afford it

-also also you can buy 400 bagels ( you get crushed ) for 80dd because of a misunderstanding from k_k

-also also also k_k refuses to sell you more then 6 because "what if someone asked for 400 bagels !"

-capn tries to trick you into going into the wrong teacup ride later, but if you talk to k_k ( whos only a few steps away ), he tells you the right one is the correct teacup

-sweet whistles ( slide whistle ) at capn in their introduction

-capn attempts to speak french multiple times ingame and fails so fucking hard it shows up in text as "madimoyzel" and "ronday-voo"

-capn and sweet argue in their introduction whether theyre rebels or players

-its like a natural instinct for them to start dancing when they hear music

-their names, the song that k_k plays, and capns dance are all homestar runner references

-theyre literally immortal . like whenever you hit them down they drink ALMOND MILK and heal back up

-also their entire battle is just trying to dance with them until they get so distracted they stop trying to attack you

-they make music puns

-k_ks check dialogue is "K_K - The silly one."

-they stack on eachother on several occasions

-this entire dialogue string

-capn calls queen a hot mama

-k_k wants to be a car . sweet wants to ride in them

-capn mistakes noelles antlers for radio antenna

-they finish eachothers sentences on multiple occasions

worlds SILLIEST BOYS vote scc

^^^

[winderlylandchime]

1/2 and we are at 4x06. He came back and sat down and went ‘okay so i am now fully relaxed and chill. I talked to myself in the mirror. And we both agreed that going forward, i will be now more calm.’ ‘What is this? Ohhhh Kinnetik launch party! awww he gave the check back. I knew it was killing him to accept the help…quick question, why didn’t he remove the showers? JUSTIN! Are we back to normal? Oh shit, Deb and Em are roommates!! BLONDIE IS BACK! MY BLONDIE IS BACK! Aww Brian, is gonna make a speec- why the fuck is Lindsay following him up there? Girl get the fuck out, you have nothing to do with any of this. AWW FEMALE BLONDIE IS UP THERE. See! SHE makes sense. Linds doesnt. AND JUSTIN! Now he makes sense because HE NAMED IT! Shoo lindsay, this isnt your moment. LOOK AT THEM KISSING! I LOVE THIS! This was nice! Finally my blondie is back!’ ‘Now why the fuck is Debbie ignoring Vic? Right, she’s angry but still. RAGE? A MOVIE?! HOLY FUCKING SHIT! She needs to stop being a bitch to Vic. I get shes angry but still’ ‘awwww he immediately went to Brian to tell him the news! Of course he did. MY BLONDIE IS BACK! That’s right Brian, go back to school Justin! Look at him making time to celebrate Justin. AWWWW’ ‘TED! AND EM! oh shit, this is gonna be tough, isn’t it? Yeah, i was right, this is tough. Fuck. I feel ripped in half. Im happy for Ted, i understand Em, but i want them to be friends again. Fuck’ ‘oh ben is miserable. And jealous and a bitch. Bro, he is your partner, you’re supposed to be supportive no matter what. Fuck you man’ ‘okay, i get Ted but dude! Come on. Hasn’t Blakey been through enough? Let that man live, he can’t catch a fucking break’ ‘FINALLY VIC AND DEBBIE MADE UP! We have a lot of catching up to do so let’s get to it babies! *waves to deb and vic* this is us when we grow up. Why is she bringing up what all she did for him because of aids? That’s wrong. I take it back, this isn’t us when we grow up. OH FUCK YOU DEBBIE! TOTALLY NOT US! NOT US! NEVER US!’ *he forced me to pinky promise that that wont be us* ‘did they change babylon? I dont remember this bench thing, because i know for a fact that they wouldve fucked on it by season 2. Ohhh Justin being sassy to Brian. Ohhh ibiza *says it like justin and then brian corrects justin* okay, my bad. He could have anything he wanted and he is betting school? HE REALLY CARES ABOUT HIS EDUCATION AND FUTURE. Fellas, how about this, you both fuck him. That way, you go to ibiza AND back to school? Win win’ ‘no Ben, the only piece of shit here is you. What a jealous prick. Who does that? Mike literally told him that he shouldnt judge his book cause he’s not smart enough since he didnt go to community college, which was fucked up b-t-w just to make up for hurting his feelings and this fucker cant even pretend to be happy for a moment? Fuck you. YEAH, GO OFF MIKE’ ‘aw Blake and Emmett. I need them to be friends. Oh god, i just had a realization. I sound like that chick in mean girls who wanted to bake cupcakes and make everyone friends. Blake, deserves the world!’ And now we are at the Britin/gym scene ‘it took 4 seasons for Justin to go with him to the gym? Bullshit, this man was stalking Brian like crazy in season 1. He would’ve had gym membership AND his personal trainer by episode 3. Ohhh its that guy! Damn, Brian really wants him to go back to school. What is he doing? Justin, what did you do? CRABS? What a little shit. I missed this. I missed them’ ‘Lindsay, what the fuck are we doing here again? Bagel? Hair and outfit, looking like that? Babe, what is going on? This is weird AND creepy. DUDE HANDS OFF HER ASS! WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON. YOU SHOULD’VE PUNCHED HIM HARDER AND LET HIM FALL! PIG’

Brother shouting about Lindsay being up on the stage at the launch party is so correct. WHY IS SHE THERE?

Your brother getting all worried and upset about Vic and Debbie's fight. I'm going to cry.

BRIAN DOES CARE ABOUT JUSTIN'S EDUCATION! I am so soft about that.

it took 4 seasons for Justin to go with him to the gym? Bullshit, this man was stalking Brian like crazy in season 1. He would’ve had gym membership AND his personal trainer by episode 3 OKAY I snorted at that. So accurate.

UGH the start of Lindsay and that guy. UGH

[eulchu]

i'm not the previous reformed anti but i am a reformed anti and for me it was that i had only heard super bad things about him and how he's racist and homophobic and whatever else. i didn't really look into any of it myself because it wasn't my scene at all and i was just like some random huge gaming youtuber is a shit person what else is new.

and then i randomly got a dnf compilation on my recommended and watched it and was like okay they got some intriguing shit going on. let me actually read up on that dude to see if i can vibe with it in good conscience and i found out that basically everything i was told about him was either just completely wrong or super old stuff. like the pride dono thing. mind boggling once i found out he actually donated so much money and didn't like promise to stream without doing it as a joke on queer people like i had believed before

im actually gonna cry over this why cant everyone be like you oh my bagel dreamie

[just-your-average-tangerine]

Situation update

So I've officially rented an apartment, I move in September 1st.

The good news is that my mother has given up her campaign to either make me detransition or go to conversion therapy (for now, she goes back and forth on these things). And I'm moving out, I'll have a place to myself. I was hoping that would let me start therapy, there are no trans friendly therapist in the area so I'd need enough privacy to do zoom therapy but it turns out there are no trans friendly therapists in the entire state that accept my insurance, so that's out. But nonetheless having space to myself should help with some things.

In theory the plan here is that I stay in this apartment for about a year and pay off my car, that should lower my monthly expenses enough that I can move to Los Angeles and try to start an acting career.

Now, the downside to all of this is that paying off my car in a year requires that I make more than the minimum payment that I've been paying for over 3 years and have budgeted for. The ability to do that is dependent on absolutely nothing going wrong, I have to go an entire year without my car needing any maintenance (not possible, it already needs maintenance), my dog cant have any unexpected vet bills (hes 16 years old so that's unlikely even though he is healthy), and whatever else can possibly go wrong that would take up that money, cant go wrong.

Add that to the fact that my student loan was supposed to be forgiven and wasn't, so that's another bill I wasn't expecting. And I wasn't expecting any additional monthly fees relating to my apartment since my last apartment didn't have any, but while the base rent is $1140, once you add the utilities and all the additional monthly fees my actual monthly payment is going to be $1282. So that's even more money I wasn't expecting.

In addition to that, even if everything goes well and I'm set to move to LA in a year, there's still too many uncertain factors. I have to convince my job to transfer me and a location there to take me. I have to find a roommate. And most of all, I'm not confident that I got far enough in my acting education to be successful. And trying to continue my education at this point is out of the question, I simply cant afford it, or the loss of work hours it would require.

In non financial dilemmas, this move is going to lead to me being even more isolated than I already am. As it stands I can at least talk to my mothers on a daily basis, its not always pleasant but it is human interaction. Once I move I won't have that, and I won't be able to afford the extra outings I've been doing to keep myself busy and sane. No more trips to the bagel shop downtown, or the record store, or antique shop. I just won't have the budget. I've tried making friends here to no avail. And I tried reaching out to my friends back home but none of them are interesting in talking to me or continuing the friendship long-distance. So after the move my only form of human interaction will be at work.

I'm trying to hold on to the idea of moving to LA, my light at the end of the tunnel. But the more this works itself out the less likely it seems. So now its more a matter of how long will it take for me to accept that I'm stuck here, alone.

[glorifiedbones]

i moved now and im so worried they wont like me. so far everything is okay but i guess im just waiting for the other shoe to drop. even though everything is okay i cant help but still feel so unsettled. i lay in this bed and look at my desk and stare at the ceiling and something isnt right. im not right. theres something wrong with me. this is wrong. i just want to eat cinnamon bagel. i hate using the bathroom they can hear me pee and it makes me so self conscious and i need to do my laundry but i feel so awkward and i want to shower. honestly i want to jerk off i keep thinking about just fisting my cock and thinking about my fictional characters fucking me and holy shit am i horny but than if i think too long about it i get depressed again and than i dont even want to do anything remotely of the sort. i check my online messages and feel so overwhelmed with needing to respond to people but even just a couple months ago i had triple the amount of people texting me its so weird how i could sort of handle that than but now i cant handle this.

i feel like i traded one miles for another. i dreaded talking to miles and feeling obligated to talk to them and part of me kept talking to them in case they gave me more money. its literally the exact same with this person too i dont want to talk to them quite frankly i want to block them. i feel like an awful person because at first i was so excited to talk to them but now we dont even really talk or chill or vibe or anything. they’re such a nuisance to me i get so uncomfortable around them. and i fucking despise when people keep deleting messages in the fashion they do, how do you demand and expect a conversation from me but fucking delete everything you day before you even give me the chance to reply? like holy shit thats so annoying YOURE so annoying. i felt such immense relief when i finally cut off miles and i didn’t even block him or un-add him i just told him i didn’t want to be friends any more and although he still kept messaging now he’s stopped and i dont even think about it most days. this guy just gosh he’s annoying. some people really dont have friends for a reason its clear as day.

i feel so frustrated and i hate not having a job. like i hate working but jesus not having money to spend is god awful and i already spent money i shouldn’t have. i havent worked in ages but i already spent 101$ and i need to stop. i need to control myself. worse because only 1 of those dollars went to me. gosh i want to scream. i feel so frustrated and i miss my cat. im so worried he wont get along with the other cats.

i want to chew my bails and hide under my bed and curl into a ball and i want to rip my skin and nails and hair off and i hate the way my body and skin feels. i hate looking down and seeing my stomach and chest and legs and arms and feet and hands and i hate looking in the mirror when im naked and seeing my thighs and back and ass and i just hate the way i look. im worried when i get another haircut it wont be good as this one now and im worried that one day ill make my family so upset they want to kick me out or demand i go back home and live with my mother.

i hate hugging that man and i dont want to see or hear or look at him again and i hate his lectures and his tones and inflections and seeing his stuff around the house and i dont like him i dont want to forgive him for what he did to me and i dont think i should have too and there are some days i think im over what happened and others its all i can think about and i feel so fucking dirty and disgusting and i wish he had hone away but instead i had to go away i always have to go away and be pushed to the sidelines and im waiting for the day that someone picks me and chooses me wholly first over someone else. i want to be the first pick.

i want to fall in love but i dont want to live long enough to let it happen because i swear to god im going to have to be thirty five or forty before i find someone whos interested in me and im not even twenty five yet. i hate living. i dont want to be here anymore. theres so much pressure to do things and even though i just sit and play games most of the time the pressure is caving in all around me. i wait for the other shoe to drop because eventually it will and all i can do is hope that im prepared for the day it slams down.

i need to be ready and im not. i dont think i could hold a job down even if i wanted to. i cant hold a relationship im so annoying and undesirable and not even in a self deprecating way in a i know that am i ugly? no but im not attractive im not cute or pretty or hot or handsome i just am average and normal and i exist.

i wish i could have lost my virginity to her. reddit girl. to be so close i could touch her skin and look in her eyes and her hair and feel her warmth. i always mess everything up. shes so pretty and shes my friend and im okay with being friends. im more than willing to accept being friends. but it doesn’t mean i dont wish some things turned out a different way. part of me makes it hopeful that if someone as beautiful and perfect as her could have been interested in me for a time makes me wonder if i have a chance at all. but than im reminded that even though im average and surround myself with desirable people that doesn’t mean im desirable. i should never make that mistake. i wont.

its one thing to be confident to think you could get everyone you were interested in. its another to recognize no matter how nice i dress or how much money i offer to shell out or how desperate i am for a real connection that im picky and wont settle for less than not what i deserve but what i want. no matter these things i wont see the light at the end of the tunnel. and i dont deserve these things, i desire them immensely. i want i want i want i want i want and i feel as if i always take but somehow i take the things i dont truly want.

i miss reddit girl and i miss mcdonalds girl and i miss tumblr girl and i miss discord boy and i miss i miss i miss i miss but i cant reach out in those ways and these people never wanted me the way i want them. i want marriage and happiness and perfect ending and i remember in ST how steve mentions wanting six little nuggets and although i dont want six kids i could picture myself living on a farm with my wife and two brats who get a southern drawl or midwestern farm accent because we live in the middle of nowhere and we have two cows and a white picket fence and a wrap around porch. i picture living in a city apartment and having out first kids and our first pet and cooking together in our small kitchen flat and the neighbor to our right is so fucking loud but every-time we hear them argue we press our heads to the walls to hear what they’re saying and giggle about it later with each other. i never picture myself growing old because i dont believe ill live that long, but than again i always picture killing myself when i was eighteen.

i didn’t make plans for anything because they all consistent of my family burying my corpse, maybe pouring out a glass for me on the first year but never again after that, my mom would argue about the bills of the funeral costs and maybe she would be sad for a little while but eventually shed get over it. they’d all get over it. im a forgettable person im not significant and im not a key family member i just exist and take up resources. i wish i succeeded when i was younger. when i was fifteen and sixteen. but i still managed to bungle that one up so i swore id slice my skin open and than i was sixteen when i tried for the first time and i dont know why i didn’t again after that.

it didn’t feel particularly bad and i remember how delicious the cut felt when it rubbed against my jean clad legs. i remember that year i wore a nice suit to my homecoming. the last homecoming. the last time i danced with a pretty bird. and maybe its selfish of me but i wish i had more time i wish i enjoyed the party more i wish i still talked to those people i wish i wish i wish i wish

i dont always wish i was dead anymore per say i just wish i didn’t exist. i hate the fact that i exist and still make all these mistakes and i hate that i dont know things and i hate that my future will either be my cold corpse or be me living to work until the day and i did and it wont even be at a cool place either itll be somewhere i hate that makes me stand on my feet all day and my body will be in constant pain twenty four seven but im scraping by already so i cant call off and i wont have friends and i wont have a wife ill live in a one bedroom apartment because im too broke to own a house and ill be lucky if i get my own washer and dryer in there and my bathroom sink will be slightly broken and i wont cry myself to sleep because i wont have the energy and i wont kill myself because ill keep telling myself it’ll get better one day it’ll get better one day it’ll get better one day but it wont not really ill work up until the day i die. ill be forty two with a mountain of debt, probably a manager at walmart because the target wouldn’t hire me, and ill think back to the time i was seventeen making a grilled cheese on my eighteenth birthday watching selling sunset all by myself and itll be the same only ill be forty two turning forty three and ill be an alcoholic neck beard because i wont have friends and all i do is work sleep and play games on my computer and pay bills and think about killing myself but too chicken shit because if i fail i wont have enough money to cover the cost of the medical bills

sometimes i think about gouging my eyes out and i wish i was interesting enough for a serial killer to take notice of me and put me out of my misery. i feel pathetic because my life isn’t even that bad! i have a good life. i just only seem to waste good opportunities. im never quite going to be good enough im just always going to exist painfully and regretfully and i really wish i would just slit my wrists and jump into a random body of water because if i dont bleed out to death ill drown because i dont know how to swim

you know i seriously considered killing myself again the other month. i really did think about grabbing a knife from the block and slitting my throat in the bathtub so it would be easier to clean and the only reason i didn’t was because my aunt had already out a deposit down on my birthday present and i would feel bad because it’d be too expensive and just a waste of money. i have to keep finding little things to keep myself alive over but its so exhausting. because whats next after this birthday present? i dont have things planned and i dont have friends and i dont have a job or money or a future. the only future i have is pathetic. im pathetic.

i hate that i wont actually just do it either. she just bought groceries and all i can think about is i can starve because because shed just have wasted 368$ on groceries so i have to eat them. i just want to cut my skin and i dont even think i have an excuse to not do it anymore i just have procrastinated it. part of me wants to gorge out on everything just so i can make sure it wasn’t a waste but i already didn’t finish eating that large Wendy’s french fry and i felt so get wrenchingly awful about it. i feel pathetic all i do all day is play games and thirst over fictional people and i wish id just grab myself by the balls and go do something about making the life i want to live a reality but i dont. i never end up doing anything right.

i feel like im just being dramatic at this point there are so much bigger issues in the world than mine. my minuscule ones that pale in comparison to the tragedies of the world but it fucking sucks because this is MY world this is the life i have to live with everyday and be okay with and deal with. i wish i had the drive and passion that i see others do on social media that sure struggling through this but ultimately work hard to get what they want and they dont stop until they do. in theory that could be me! i have the capabilities to do things! and yet i dont. i just sit here in this bed thinking ‘poor me’ and whining about how ‘im depressed’ and ‘no one likes me’ it’s so fucking annoying truly. i feel like i was more depressed when i was younger so how can i be now? and i hate pitying myself because i dont deserve it and i hate when i say no one likes me because people do like me but it feels more like they’re obligated to like me and not there because they genuinely want to be which is a whole other mind fuck but still. people talk to me. i have a few online friends. my family talk to me. maybe that’s it but still. but still. but still. but still i feel the way i do anyways.

im gonna go make a cinnamon bagel now i think

[somuch-4-stardust]

MY NAME IS TOMMY VERONA LANCESTER!! I LOVE THE PEOPLE AND THE PEOPLE LOVE ME (the science groupchat, sour and patch, benny, monica, my [nonbio] siblings), SO MUCH THAT THEY DONT MIND WHEN I TALK ABOUT MY SPINS ALL THE TIME ALWAYS!! IM ANNOYING AUTISTIC ARO AND A LITTLE BIT TIRED, BUT 100% PARTY ANIMAL (CHAMPAGNE?)

[boysaints]

eating a bagel with cream cheese rn <3

[weirdmageddon]

ok i think i had one of the worst days of my life today. im just gonna go over everything that happened so just be prepared for some nastiness. i felt like this all day:

so i woke up feeling weird like something was “off”. it weirdly difficult to wake up and get out of bed, i felt bloated, i had an abnormal gag reflex while taking my pills. then when i got on the toilet……well idk how to put this delicately but i had a watery shitsplosion. and i was like. well ok. maybe it was just once. so i told my mom and got dressed and was just about to walk to class but i felt hot water in my colon about to be dispensed so i went right the fuck back to my dorm’s toilet. guess i was dead wrong. and dead wrong i would be. because holy shit this is only the beginning.

i sent an ask to the teaching assisant before my class saying “hey you got a zoom link i cant come in person i’m in the bathroom fighting for my life”. i would be fighting for my life in there the majority of the day.

so this is not good, i’m having a category 5 tummy event. i’m losing water quickly. i need to get hydrated.

so i rush myself to the student rec center because i know they have powerade zero in one of the vending machines. i swiped my card. “bad swipe. please try again.” i tried swiping it again twice more, both saying i had a bad swipe. i took out some physical cash and tried putting it in but the vending machine wouldn’t take it. it was broken. great.

lunch was being served at the time so from the cafeteria i got 3 bananas unfortunately all unripe, one toasted unbuttered bagel, and a handful of saltines. halfway through that i was back in the bathroom shitting my brains out. so i’m like, okay. i was talking to my mom the entire time during this btw. she is telling me i need to go to CVS for imodium. see the fucking issue with that is my asshole is leaking frothy bowel fluid unpredictably and there is absolutely nobody that can help me.

i told my RA the vending machines were broken and she told me the boar’s head sandwich shop in the cafeteria opens up at 1 and they have powerade there. so after 1 i went there, tummy very much upset and i’m just desperately clenching my cheeks like a drawbridge. they had no zero sugar powerade, just regular. i bought the powerade anyway. i’ve been trying to lose the freshman pounds i’ve been putting on and this would make that so much harder but i need the electrolytes. so i left with my powerade and as soon as i opened the door my stomach made the worst noise. like you know jerma worst noise? tummy worst noise 2022. and i swear humans can really learn quickly what signals mean because in every single one of these cases, that specific gurgling i got is a surefire signal to GET MY ASS A TOILET AS FAST AS I POSSIBLY CAN.

anyway i told this to my mom. so she says i may have covid because theres some gut-related problems being recorded with the new omicron variant. but the more likely scenario is that i have a norovirus that’s causing me gastroenteritis.

my mom says to call the wellness center and i’m like really losing my mind at this point because 1. theyre not on campus. theyre on another campus. 2. what the fuck are they gonna do over the phone??? i call them anyway and i’m like starting to cry now.

there was a rapid covid testing site set up outside of boar’s head literally MINUTES before but after 2pm they took it down. i was like, full on crying now. i am absolutely in hell. long story short i called that wellness center they signed me up for their patient portal and scheduled me for a PCR and rapid covid test tomorrow which i’ll be doing. but i was like boiling with frustration at this point. none of this is solving my current fucking issue. how fucking hard is it to get someone to go to CVS and get imodium for me so i can stop the onslaught of diarrhea i am current facing.

also at this point i had to reach into the emergency stock toilet paper because we ran out. and it was hurting my asshole so bad. after this i decided that since nobody was going to help me i had to bite the onions and risk shit dripping down my pants and go to CVS myself. i bought the imodium, some pepto bismol, and a gatorade zero after waiting on line between a stupid asshole in front of me taking forever to pay and a screaming child behind me whose mother just let him carry on. i tried to get the fuck out of there. but my card didnt go through so i had to step back in and try it again. then i got the fuck out of there. and as soon as i was leaving and at the red light my stomach did the Bad Churn and i was like. fuck no. no no. but i managed to suck it back up into my colon through sheer force of mental will and gluteus muscle power.

after yelling in the car at slow drivers on the road (nearly in tears…again), i found that someone took my parking space closer to my dorm room—course—so i had to powerwalk. when i got back i went straight for the bathroom for the i dont fuckin knowth time.

my ass felt like hellfire now. like someone stuck a sour warhead candy in my asshole and it eroded the membrane. and honestly considering that diarrhea is acidic that’s basically what happened at the chemical level. couldnt find any flushable wipes at CVS so all i have is this thin, coarse toilet paper. i was in HELL. and yet it still somehow managed to get worse.

anyway at least i have my imodium. i’m told to take one after every loose stool. i brought my gatorade and the medication into the bathroom for just that. the thing is the little silver sheets they come in are IMPOSSIBLE to fucking open. i managed to tear it with my bare teeth using an unnecessary amount of force to open them.

after two imodium, i noticed my bowels started to behave. i could actually exit the bathroom and feel at peace. so i went to lay down in bed and i began writing my professors a letter saying i’m sorry for two setbacks in a row (the first was the medication notification i sent them yesterday that my meds i need to stay awake and focus still haven’t been refilled. they are now though.)

i was just so upset because i was planning on actually doing work today because i FINALLY got my meds refilled, especially a lot of work for one of my big projects, but then i was hit with this. and i was trying to find a way to write a message to my professors, especially the one for that assignment where the due dates are firm unless there’s “documented exceptional circumstances” that this isn’t a joke to get out of doing work and and this legitimately immediately proceeded my medication notice even though i dont have a doctors note for it. but i sent it and thankfully i got an understanding response from that professor.

i was fine for about an hour. i was feeling really tired, my eyelids were heavy, still feeling terrible and bloated, and headache from crying. my stomach started to feel unsettled more than usual (in terms of today’s usual), so i took a pepto. i felt like complete shit. i still needed to do laundry, i still need to take a shower. everything at once was collapsing on me and i didnt have anyone to help me. my heart started to beat more aggressively, and that is never ever a good sign for me. in the back of my mind i knew what the fuck that was signaling but i dismissed it.

my mom told me to do my laundry tomorrow and that i should just get into a shower today. so i was preparing to get into the shower. i put on my shower flip-flops in but standing up gave me the runs so i ran in with my flip-flops on on.

and when i sat down i felt really, really sick. i couldn’t dismiss the way my heart was beating now, so knowing what that meant, i asked my mom, “what if i need to puke”. and she said “you will puke honey”

and what happened next was genuinely one of the most frightening experiences of my life.

i was suddenly spewing gastric liquid from both ends. i threw the fuck up all over myself and on the bathroom floor and i ran up without having wiped to the sink and threw up in there. and i swear i like i couldnt even think. my brain’s cortex literally just collapsed in this moment. my mind went blank. i had no idea where i was or what i was doing. i couldnt fucking think, i could not fucking see, my ears were all ringing and shit. i went back to the toilet as best i could and then started to process it. and i felt like i was going to fucking die in there with no one to hear me or help me. i literally couldn’t see anything for such a prolonged time. my vision was just white and spotty and i was dizzy and breathing heavy. i was staring at the ceiling just trying to process what the fuck just happened, the mess i now have to deal with, and the implications for it made me feel like i was in a dream and i was having a nightmare. i was just literally on the toilet sopping wet from cold sweat and vomit, the majority of which was pooled in my underwear and pants, behind multiple doors that require keys to access, away from home, with none of my roommates around (my pants are pulled down which would be humiliating if they were around anyway). and given that this is some kind of virus it’s highly contagious. so i just sat there and thought nobody was going to help me, i might fucking die if not from dehydration then from brain damage because it’s been a minute and my vision still isn’t back to normal, and ive never felt so fucking helpless in my entire life.

i tried my hardest texting my mom but i couldnt fucking see what i was typing.

the symptoms were like the kind where you stand up fast except way more intense. this lasted for a solid two minutes (according to the timestamps on the messages i sent my mom)

after this my mom called me and she guided me through what i should do but just Having someone there made all the difference.

despite all this, i went into the shower and washed all the undigested green beans and peanuts from YESTERDAY (so apparently my stomach was having issues yesterday if these were undigested) out of my clothes and flushed them down the toilet, i sanitized the bathroom from head to toe with lysol wipes, took a shower for myself as i was intending to anyway but kept having anxiety waves that made me feel like i was gonna throw up again but i didn’t. miserable hell. at this point standing up made me queasy but i went back to my room and slowly opened two new garbage bags, one for my wet clothes and the other for if i had to puke again. i got up and took my smelly wet clothes hanging in the shower and stuffed them in the bag but had to take a breather. then i took the bag from inside the wastebasket, tied it up, and put in the new garbage bag and put it next to my bed if i had to puke again. then i climbed into bed in my velcro towel and headwrap and my mom stayed on with me until i was feeling better and she had to shower. been sipping my fluids to rehydrate. i laid in bed until i felt well enough to change into some pajamas. though i really wished i had someone who couldve … idk at least actively aided me though? idk why it’s always me bending over backwards for myself when im in fucking hell right now.

and here i am now writing this post. lol sorry needed to vent