#cant connect to internet
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I had a shrink appointment today and while I could not see it I knew my doc was going through the five stages of grief while I explained my fool proof strategy for doing my t shots despite a crippling fear of needles: By abusing my vastly more crippling fear of being an inconvenience.
My mother and I play phasmophobia together every week. she usually has a pretty limited time to do this bc she's like. a doctor and a college professor whos always busy. So I asked her to just. hold me to doing them. We don't start playing until the shot is done. so my needle fear doesn't matter because now it's Wasting™ her time and I have to do it quick. Using one neurosis to defeat another.
It's a horrible coping mechanism because it's feeding the inconvenience fear, but it is definitionally a coping mechanism.
#im a 'has a panic attack during every injection or iv theyve ever gotten' type of scared of needles#no it genuinely has nothing to do with pain the needle itself is the fear not the using of it#like i told this story before but i have these sewing pins with lil bow ties on them and i had to get my dad to take all the blue ones out#because they were triggering the same part of my brain iv needles do#just the sight of them with the rest of my cute sewing pins was a problem#And the fear of being an inconvenience is so bad i cant eat around people or be in crowded spaces or talk at get togethers#without being paralyzed by fear of Being In The Way. its so bad ive been avoiding using my power chair bc it makes me take up#slightly more space than i would just standing. and i never took my manual out and about because i moved too slowly in it#and i dont take my crutches on planes despite using them everyday bc they cant fold up like my cane can and so are In The Way#one of the big reasons i dont use the chairs in stores is they have back up alarms. and i hate making noises in public#Yes this is part of the reason i want a Rottweiler for my service dog because i want people to look at the doggie Not Me.#I like people! i like being friendly and talking and making little connections with strangers!!! But i cant be the one to initiate or#be In The Way of a peaceful moment#dont look at me#this is also a big issue i have with making friends or changing the nature of a relationship because like. im autistic#I have Rules for social interactions memorized that i will follow. but moving people from one category to another#is difficult. It is too the point i had problems for litteral years talking to my boyfriend as though#he was a person i knew well and cared deeply for because i kept using the 'rando guy im flirting with on the Internet' script#I have commissioners i want to be friendlier with but my brain says No Stop that is an Impolite and Overly informal way to talk to#a customer™ despite them not being customers when they arnt in the commission process#im like thise huskies who are scared of carpet because its Different than the floor they're currently standing on#its Too different:(#and to be clear i am Completely aware of how none of this makes logical sense and is in fact deeply self destructive#That does not fix it. it is so ingrained in my head that im certain i could convince my brain to let me bite off my own fingers#before i could convince it to let me talk to someone at a help desk or ask my order be corrected at a restaurant
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"but mcr and green day mean so much to queer people!!!" wow thats sad, i hope the people in my community get better taste. still not punk music.
#internet poisoned people need to understand you having a personal connection to something doesnt mean you can redefine it#or that it cant be criticized#🐆
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Sketch I did earlier of our favorite old man

And my kinda halfassed attempt at coring it that ended up with a very different vibe than what id intended when I started

I originally just wanted to practice coloring his hair and then I ended spending the least amount of time and effort on that in the end, Oopie ig
#chung myung#cheong myeong#return of the blossoming blade#return of the mount hua sect#my tablet is STRUGGLING but a new one is so expensive nowadays#UnU;#it cant even connect to the internet rn so i had to take a pic of the screen cause it cant transfer images without it#at least it has a camera so i could take a picture of the orginal sketch to get it on there#just realized i forgot to color his ribbon :0 just pretend its green
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Woah what happened to that guy
#syd spiels mcyt#ender prince au#ep!philza#qsmp au#qsmp#q!philza#philza#my art#syd's art#yes i did just take a picture of my screen with my phone#it was definitely an artistic choice and not just because im in a place where i cant connect my laptop to the internet.
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#cant believe i have been alive for 34 years and no one - not even the internet - ever taught me how to eat a pomegranate correctly#= without making the kitchen look like a crime scene#but i figured it out and its one of these things that makes me feel connected to my ape ancestors & cousins#like getting something out from a tight space with a stick
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when my ipad dies (which i don't intend on letting happen for a while, of course) i think my next drawing tablet's just gonna be for the computer. i basically never draw away from my laptop anymore and i wanna make bad doodles in ms paint more often because nothing ever replaces the feel of ms paint
#my ipad is. four and a half!!!!! which is like 100 in apple years#and hes still doing very good! havent really noticed slowdowns and he doesnt overheat or nothin#i used my old ipad* until the thing literally crashed every time it connected to the internet and i intend on doing the same here#* technically the family ipad im just the only one who used it and towards the end of its life its what i used for drawing LOL#i didnt have a job when it died tho and thus we entered. the Phone Era. 14 crush happened in this time#i cant draw on my phone anymore idk how i did that back then. ive become weak
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people who arent really into sonic that are incapable of talking about it or seeing others talk about it without making fun of it or repeating some overdone meme reference really are some of the most annoying and unfunny people on planet earth i think
#i dont usually watch sonic videos outside of like. music and cutscene comps partially Because of the thing im complaining about here#but i saw one i thought would be a fun watch today and clicked on it#and it immediately opened with a joke about the original movie sonic design#even though the video had nothing to do with the movies and that segment had zero connection to the actual subject of the video#so they just brought it up for no reason other than that they cant talk about sonic without making fun of it somehow . okay man#i say its usually people who arent into sonic who are like this but when it comes to the meme references thing#its not just random people on the internet even some actual sonic fans are bad about that .#its just in that case its usually specific characters and games that are the target of it rather than the franchise as a whole#which is also super annoying especially if you actually like those games/characters#and youre trying to post about them seriously or make fanart or whatever and get flooded with those types of comments#sad !
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Fucking gnawing at the cages of my enclosure bc im banned from hanging out with friends due to internet issues
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once again i have succumbed to fomo and peer pressure lmao
#abc shut it#we'll see how this extremely vain attempt at friendship community and connect goes#i doubt it wont go great but im trying my best#anyways i'll follow mutuals back#im gonna give it a week and if things dont work out i just wont use bsky and eventually just dissapear off the internet#bc i just feel more and more lonely here and cant keep up and struggle to make friends and make my existance known#nothing i say is worth anyones attention and anytime i post it feels like im talking to think air so whats the goddamn point if it#doesnt feel like i exist to anyone around me or anyone i consider close
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auuuuugh i keep trying to buy sonic 06 and sonic the fighters on my 360 but xbox live won’t fucking sign me in and xbox marketplace won’t recognize my payment methods!!! the xbox 360 digital store is shutting down really soon, so while i can probably maybe find a super overpriced physical 06 copy, i don’t think i’ll be able to get sonic the fighters for 360 any other way. is anyone else having similar problems or have any solutions?
#my xbox is definitely connected to my wifi and my wifi is definitely connected to the internet but for some reason cant connect to xbox live#and on xbox marketplace i can sign in fine and i have payment methods connected to my microsoft account#but whenever i go to buy anything on xbox marketplace it says i have no valid payment methods on file#and then when i click add payment method it just times out#it’s all so frustrating!!#rambles
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I'll say it as many times as it needs to be said. There is absolutely miniscule actual harm that comes from engaging with Harry Potter in 2024. JK Rowling does not need money. Anything sent her way is less than a rounding error. And the book series was literally EVERYWHERE in the 90s and 2000s. Like it or not, it DID impact a whole generation of people - pretending that never happened is completely absurd, if not outright irresponsible. It happened. It's just a fact. Harry Potter is mainstream. There is nothing that can be done to 'promote' it. It's already there.
What all this obsession with HP on tumblr is about? An easy way to smugly define Good People from Bad People. Because if you *really* cared about trans people enough, you'd hate everything associated with Harry Potter. Regardless of how much you adored it when you were 8 and went to Harry Potter parties with your family all dressed up quoting book lines at one another in your most precious childhood memories because for once your special interest actually aligned with the people closest to you. No, all those positive associations should have been deleted instantly. If you *cared enough*, it would just *happen*.
Which is why a whole slew of people who previously had earnestly reblogged posts about Moral OCD and how bad tumblr can be about it were suddenly cackling about how buying Hogwarts Legacy was comparable to *refusing to throw The One Ring into Mordor, starting a war that would kill millions.* And how donating to a pro-trans charity (an act that would have VASTLY more impact than aforementioned rounding error) is comparable to 'donating to a pro-elf charity' in the wake of that.
Because tumblr doesn't actually give a shit about autistics or OCD sufferers. When we complain about stuff that they also dislike, they proudly reblog that and rage in the notes about how selfish and cruel and Individualist those other people on tumblr are!!! But the *second* they get to paint themselves as the ones with '''''good thoughts and feelings'''''' they take it, and make up posts about how HP likers 'believe they're the main character and everything should revolve around them.'
Is it actually about whether something causes harm? Or is it about dividing the world into Inherently Good People and Inherently Bad People? Is it actually about doing real good for the community and making the world a better place? Or is it about shaming people with the Wrong Emotions until they fucking hate themselves and spend hours upon hours ruminating on end trying to change themselves because their inability to let go of positive Harry Potter feelings is OBVIOUSLY evidence of a truly inescapably evil and cruel and wretched identity that the world would be better off without?
Which is it, actually? When it actually feels a little bit good to feel like you're on the Right Side of all of this, for once?
#cant fucking believe im doing this to myself on the day before his birthday#im gonna have to stay up til 12:30 tonight#if im STILL obsessing over this shit then Im gonna start demanding recompense#dont donate to ocd charities (do they even exist lmfao) just give $20 to someone w ocd every time you make a Stern Post abt hp '''promoters#..#hp for ts#god no fucking offence but this all is the ACTUALLY terminally online bullshit#do you know the library I work at has Harry Potter posters/displays etc. up???#stocks plenty of 'wizarding world crochet' books and the like???#99.999% of the world barely knows what jkr is doing#and the rest just think 'wow she's awful' (or whatever else) and dont connect that to hp at all#its only on certain internet spaces that this 'engage with HP = immediate and inescapable corruption by the devil' mentality exists#hell even the idea that anyone with something HP related is trying to signal terfism or whatever#i dont doubt that some ppl TRY that but. it doesnt work lmfao.#not once has my aunt thought 'oh I better remove my Hermione keychain or someone will think I hate trans people'#that is literally terminally online brainrot!!! real people do not think that way!!!!!!!!!!!!
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It’s genuinely depressing watching people rooting for the tiktok ban on tumblr. “Yes get rid of the misinformation pipeline!” as if I wasn’t lowkey tracking black salve facebook groups or the weird urine cults on Twitter 10 years ago. Misinformation and the algorithms that feed it to you were not invented by tiktok and they will not go away just because the gov has shut down a single app.
#tiktok ban#tiktok#i go to tt for like. actual discourse because something about actually seeing someone’s face feels more connected#and i can pretty easily distinguish a bad faith troll from a genuinely held bad take#like i cannot get over how everyone is genuinely so in line about luigi on tiktok#but on here there’s still anonymized accounts pushing bad faith ‘but but he’s white and but but he’s rich we can’t be in solidarity!’ takes#and like really? i’d rather be able to hear someone’s bad take and ratio them as they deserve#than read a dozen psyop ass anonymous hand wringing#like im finally seeing a sense of class consciousness and where? tiktok#while on tumblr dot hellsite we have people counting lawyers and doctors in the edible rich category#there are so many trolls on this site just saying whatever the fuck they want and it gets debated as genuine discourse#no#im gonna be so pissed when tt is gone cause i cant handle more of this shit#like meta gets hacked multiple times a year the data leaks are insane#the amount of data google collects and sells about you is insane#but we’re focusing on TikTok why? ugh the united states internet is about to get boring af
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Until next time... Stay Fresh!
#I couldn't find my copy to play before the end but man sooo many memories attached to this game#I remember playing in the wee hours of the morning in my dorm because it was the only time to get a decent internet connection#going to any of the splatoon related things at the nintendo store in ny including buying my orange plush that I still keep on my bed#to this day#some people complain about the stages but I really love how big they felt and how sneaky I could get on them#I cant believe that was over 10 years ago *sighs and crumbles to dust*#splatoon 1#fanart#my art#I wish the inklings still threw fits when they lost though I'll definitely miss that.
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WHY is the public library wifi soooo shitty kys
Genuinely ridiculous I'm sorry
#took like 10mins to connect and within 5 of actually getting internet its saying no internet. be so fr#homeworkposting#i cant even procrastinate in peace gimme a BREAK
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for a sec i thought the internet got fixed... i rlly dont get it
#my roommates have no issues#its only my phone rn#sometime it will connect for a minute#but often if i actually try to use the internet it will jst throw me right off#i need all the data i can get rn bc im going on so many vacations this month....#im so pissed#bc i cant do anything abt it because only i have a problem
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#lab notes#old web#<- sorry thats my catchall tag for this sort of stuff#anyways i cant wait for social media to die as a concept#humans were not meant to be interacting with this many people at once and being faced with so many differing opinions with nothing to conne#t us together#idk what will come next but forums were a damn good way to have people with familiar interest come together and not have to face the sea of#social media bullshit.#dont get me wrong they were not perfect. not by a long shot.#but GOD. at least they fostered conversation and genuine human connection.#unlike social media which is just. 'post the most outrageous thing to farm rage engagement.'#'assume everyone is acting in bad faith at all times. also assume the worst of someone if they like a thing that makes you uncomfortable.'#i hate the modern internet so fucking much.#i miss when 'dont feed the trolls' was common adage#old man yells at the cloud
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