#cant block enough of them
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i cant believe twitter is back and the first thing i see is people making gemmas book about harrys sexuality deus dai-me paciência
#like you wont see me debating this topic on my blog#but people are so SO obsessed#and they're everywhere#like i dont want to see these things#and its always the same group of people of courseeeeeeee#cant block enough of them#can the algorithm PLEASE let me out of it????
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NO MORE ASSOCIATING THINGS WITH FEMMES ONLY BECAUSE THEY ARE PINK!HYPERFEM FEMMES ARE GREAT AND I LOVE YOU CAMPY FEMMES WHO EMBODY PINK BUT ALSO JESUS CHRIST CAN YOU GUYS NOT GO MORE THAN ONE DAY W/O TRYING TO SHOEHORN FEMMES INTO BEING ONLY PINK UWU BABIES. I AM FEMME AS IN GRASS AS IN DIRT AS IN TREE BARK AS IN WEEDS SPROUTING THROUGH THE SIDEWALK CEMENT. FEMME AS IN GENDER NONCONFORMITY AS IN FUCK YOU MY FEMININITY IS WHAT *I* SAY IT IS. FEMME AS IN DEPTH AND DARKNESS AND WARMTH AND TERROR. FEMME AS IN CAVES. FEMME AS IN LIGHTNING. FEMME AS IN AN AMALGAMATION OF TRAITS THAT I HAVE DECIDED ARE FEMININE REGARDLESS OF WHAT SOCIETY SAYS. FUCK IS IT THAT HARD TO UNDERSTAND?!???
#personal#i am emotional yes#over the years ive had this blog I've made a few posts abt being femme#nd whether they're serious or jokey..... inevitably someone in the tags goes “ohhh yeah bc pink”#or in the case of what inspired this post: someone going “what about the pink ones” on my praying mantis post#and im just.#sick of it. im sick of femme being equated to pink and frilly girlie behaviors.#im sick of femme being equated to skirts and heels. to makeup. to skincare. to pristine nails exactly almond shaped.#im sick of ppl acting like All femmes aspire to this shit. im sick of femms being reduced to this shit.#and i love pink! i love pink! my phone theme is quite literally just black and pink all over.#im just. so tired of any expression of Femme identity being shoehorned into being a Specific type of femininity#especially as someone who DOES get dysphoric wearing skirts. wearing dresses. embodying the femme aesthetic yall are so set on making#if u guys wanna rb this i truly dont care#i just needed to scream#and this is one small thing#but the 2nd largest category of anon hate i have gotten since making this blog is str8 up homophobia from other “queer” folks#saying i cant be femme bc of how i present. calling me slurs (and using them as such) bc they cant understand femme as anything but that#my wife and i have our users in our personal discord server set as 2 different things of anon hate ive gotten#i have had OTHER FEMMES tell me i am not femme. femmes who Know im femme who still call me butch. femmes who ive corrected and been blocked#-by bc of it. the number 1 largest demographic of queerfolk who have me blocked rn is TME femmes who embody pink also#and i dont think its a coincidence at all. (and i know this bc i go to try and follow these ppl bc they get rbed on my dash & i cant)#and ik their blogs arent deleted bc some of them don't block my wife (tall. white. butch) and it cant be politics cause her and i rb#a lot of the same political shit (fuck. i think she rbs More than i do even. this is genuinely mainly a nsft blog)#and usually i don't say anything but im having a bad day so i get to be angry about this and if anyone fucking tries me i will block u#idc if we've been mutuals 4ever. im judt so tired of feeling like i am not Enough as a femme bc i dont embody this shit#im sick of this lameass lip service to he/him gnc femmes etc when the thin white 50s housewife femme is still what is preferred and loved#im sick of this lamesss lip service when y'all feel entitled to theorizing on other femmes genders bc u cant conceptualize a femme who does#wanna be hypetfeminine. im sick of it. im sick of it. im sick of it.#celebrity bun
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and! barbarian!fig! its her
#fantasy high#dimension 20#figueroth faeth#fh class quangle#if u look at the junior year design and think tifa lockhart: yeag#I already thought the cleric!gorgug junior year design kinda is very aerith so. lol#but! I do feel like these designs maybe portray the clearest arc out of all of them so far. I like that#some of it came from a bit of necessity which is really fun that mirrors the actual play format thats cool#(necessity being freshman year riz is pretty much a huge block of red flannel lmao. kinda stole figs canon color coding for a bit)#(and he's got the owlbear jacket from taping the games in sophomore year... so I cant give fig the big red blocking until#junior year lmao. coincidentally this forced me to be a bit more dynamic with her concept which is great)#her second pair of shoes very sonic tho. I kinda enjoy that lol#tbh I really love that canon gorgug is like in a pair of chucks 24/7 that is SO funny for a barbarian I hope to keep the energy going#with class swap fig I think a barbarian who wears like collector sneakers is awesome. the foot support is so important to their work#the general idea of a hyperfem girlypop barbarian still ticks for me tbh. idk enough abt the zeitgeist to know if thats passé now or not#but doing Fashion on ur job of bodily tearing ur opponent apart with the least flourish possible is just a hit for me#her knee brace is from like an injury back in her cheer days that she got by overexercising in hope of being good enough that#the team couldn't let her go. the team then used that same injury as a pretext to let her go#I think abt her arc tbh... fig's thing in canon junior year abt the point of her rebelling. I feel like a lot of it can also apply to rage#both knocking things over and holding onto things don't like. make anything new. destruction without at least a glimpse of a vision#of the after is ultimately a cynical defeatist point of view... strategic barbarianism for fig babeyy#yay! once again its time for me to Fucking Sleep. but hopefully I can hammer out a proper ref for riz and gorgug both in the#following week inbetween doing my job. its that time of da year lads (<- fully seasonal worker)
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💛🌻✨ yellow ✨🌻💛
🌠
#sentai#king ohger#go onger#kakuranger#magiranger#gekiranger#yeah thats enough i dont wanna tag anymore instead let me yell at you about NANGOU#wait where are you going come ba#partner pointed out that it looks like jun is about to shoot gaku in the ass and mika is filming it#and after that i did not have the heart to move them apart#this is a longboard jou truther blog you cant tell me that boy rides a regular skateboard i wont listen to you#also - couldnt help it had to draw kitty kat leo but now i'm living in hell because do i draw shark sela or#'im gonna draw some blues' - does the literal opposite#having a list of names and colours to tick off sure is helpful for beating art block#uuuuuuuuuuh yellow top teir colour never disliked a yellow please enjoy the yellows#only BAD seasons dont have a yellow *i am covering changeman with a big blanket*#2024 art tag
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gm yesterday i changed up my carrd again (surprise surprise) and clarified some things in my rules. while i absolutely adore other portrayals of the same character i write, i have never and am not going to start following blogs that are solo blade muses or multis heavily centered around a blade muse. i really want to avoid accidental similarities.
#ooc.#idk why i feel bad about this#i am NOT blocking any blogs i dont want anyone to misunderstand#i'll utilize the blacklist function and mute urls as i see fit#so that i don't have to see them#pretty much everyone i follow tags urls anyway so its nbd#and i cant stress enough: i have no personal issues with anyone#i also don't want anyone to feel like this is me telling them#to stop interacting with other blades because no no no no no#i just dont want to sweat whenever i want to post a hc or smth#similarities are bound to happen but at least like this#they will all be purely accidental and not based off smth i saw skimming the dash#or the other way around ofc.#also asking that if you do write blade yourself to tag it with something i can mute#i fully understand if that’s not possible but i might sb as a result#anyway i can’t say this enough times: it’s nothing personal.
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i humbly present: giant!spider-noir and tiny!peni parker
anons, i am sure you are THRILLED that i am FINALLY getting around to your asks after a... decent amount of time lol and i still dont feel like i'm fully out of my g/t writers block but we take what we can get. everyone please enjoy some long-overdue peni and noir content 🫶
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“Oh, no… kiddo…”
Peni didn’t know what to do. It was like all the air had been sucked from her lungs and her ears were ringing and her brain was going a mile a minute. The tiny girl continued to sob, head in hands, and the imposing figure of Noir could only look down in discomfort, for so many reasons.
First of all, he hated the way Peni looked so helpless and fragile as she simply sat on a tabletop. It was some experiment gone wrong, she told him – as she tried to find a way to retrofit the dimension-hopping bracelets without having to go through HQ, a calculation must have been off, or she just didn’t account for dimensional differences, because she landed right where she wanted to – in Noir’s world – but when she came to, everything was gigantic and she couldn’t handle it.
“I don’t… I don’t believe it… Peni…?”
It was starting to get dark out, but even in the middle of the day, there was no mistaking the flashing colors of the portal ripping open. Noir had sensed it and positioned himself right next to it, but… nobody emerged.
At least that’s what he thought. As he glanced down in deep thought after the portal collapsed in on itself and disappeared, something was nagging at the back of his brain.
Something familiar… intertwined with burning fear.
Peni, for her part, didn’t even know what was going on. Her bracelet showed that she was exactly where she wanted to be – Earth 90214.
So why did everything feel so… heavy?
Maybe it’s because this place was devoid of any color, and that always threw her for a loop. No, no, that’s not it. She’s been here before, and that never truly bothered her beyond the cosmetics. Maybe her calculations were slightly off, and the inter-dimensional journey was particularly taxing this time.
She got to her feet and immediately wobbled, blinking rapidly as she tried to make sense of what she was seeing. This is weird… I can’t see a thing.
The first footstep was like thunder. Peni winced, shutting her eyes on instinct as she staggered backwards. The subsequent footsteps were no better, and she soon found herself dizzy as she spun around trying to figure out what was happening.
Noir’s heart lurched at the tiny girl’s reaction. He hated the way she looked so helpless on the ground, and his chest suddenly filled with a cocktail of stress, anger and the pure urge to protect.
Through her disorientation, Peni was able to discern that the dark shadow that was cast over her was suddenly getting darker. The sinking feeling of being loomed over was almost overwhelming her spidey senses, but something told her she had to look up.
She didn’t expect the massive, imposing figure of Spider-Noir to be right in front of her.
Her eyes widened as she realized what was going on. No – no – this can’t be happening – how did this happen! – I – I can’t let him see me like this!
“Peni, wait!” Noir cried as the tiny girl took off, forgetting how loud his voice was to her now. “It’s me, it’s Noir! Wait!”
Peni sprinted as fast as her little legs would take her. No time to look back, she thought. I’ve got to get out of here.
Noir’s heart sank. Peni was clearly desperate to escape. He just couldn’t let her do that. The world was dangerous enough for a normal spider person, but now that one of them could fit in the palm of his hand? It was a disaster waiting to happen.
Peni was so focused on getting out of there that she didn’t notice Noir bending down to snatch her up. It wasn’t until his fingertips practically brushed her back did she notice, and by then, it was too late.
A piercing scream echoed up from Peni, causing Noir to wince as he slowly lifted his tiny friend up from the ground. He cringed at the way she kicked and screamed and punched to try and escape, but he knew he had to do this. He did his best to ignore her protests, plopping her in his palm as gently as he could before curling his fingers over her, shrouding her in darkness.
Inside, Peni was panicking. Logically, being with Noir while she was now tiny was the best possible outcome, but everything about her current situation defied all logic. She desperately hurled her fist at the walls of her new prison, but she simply bounced backwards every time. She wasn’t even sure Noir could feel anything, considering he was wearing thick gloves.
Oh, Noir could feel it. Every small impact against his gloved hand sent a shiver down his spine as he ran back to his hideout. There were so many questions swirling around in his brain – questions he knew Peni would have the answer to… if she could work up the courage to talk.
After what felt like hours of movement, Peni felt Noir lurch to a stop. She swallowed and closed her eyes as light flooded her vision. Once she adjusted, her trembling eyes scanned her surroundings and horror filled her senses. She knew this place, but almost none of it was recognizable. Various weapons and pieces of technology looked positively alien, and almost everything looked like it was capable of killing her in an instant.
Thoroughly terrified and definitely embarrassed, she refused to meet Noir’s gaze as he took a seat and kept his hand hovering above the tabletop. Underneath his mask, Noir’s eyes were flickering to a new thing every few seconds – her panicked eyes, her heavy breathing, the small cuts and bruises she sustained in the crash landing.
“Peni… are… are you okay?” he finally asked. He didn’t want to startle her more than he already had, but even the rumbling of his voice made her cower. She crossed her arms and kept her gaze forward.
He wasn’t sure what he was expecting to feel when he held her, but now that he had a moment to process the situation, he felt… protective. This was a tiny life he was holding, and he had all the power in this situation. His stomach jumped when he felt her start to tremble. She was at his disposal, and that was terrifying to Noir. He didn’t like thinking of her as helpless, and it was all exacerbated by the fact that she wouldn’t even look at him.
“Peni… please… I need you to talk to me.” He tried to conceal his own shaking voice. “Tell me what happened.”
Eventually, she did, but it took a lot of coaxing and a lot of waiting. Peni tried her best to repair her watch, but she was trying to exhaust every single option at her disposal to avoid having to admit what she did to Miguel. Noir did what he could to help, but mostly, he would just keep Peni company and reassure her that everything was going to be fine.
Today, things were not fine.
It had been nearly a month that Peni had been stuck like this, and it was starting to weigh down on her. She lay awake on the makeshift bed that Noir had made for her, staring up at the ceiling that was impossibly far away. Noir was off on a mission, and he insisted that she wasn’t allowed to come with him. It was too dangerous.
So she was alone.
For some reason, it felt worse today than any other day. She was tired – tired from working nonstop, tired at having to look up at everything, tired from trying to keep it together. She didn’t even get a good night’s sleep last night because, as much as he hates to admit it, Noir snores.
That, and she just had another nightmare.
She was in distress, couldn’t Noir see that? She thought it was obvious. Maybe he really didn’t notice, or he pretended not to because it made him uncomfortable. Like this whole thing didn’t make Peni uncomfortable! Why did he have to go on that stupid mission? She needed him here.
For the next hour, with her hands folded on top of her stomach, Peni lay there, staring, thinking. Every time she closed her eyes, she could see Noir’s gloved hand completely encompassing her vision and she grew smaller and smaller in its presence. The one person she felt that she could count on was a hundred times her size and could kill her in an instant. As much as she tried to take her mind off of everything, the same thing kept echoing in her head: My dad would know what to do.
She barely noticed when Noir returned, twisting gracefully down the pole from above ground and landing with a thud that normally would have made her jump. The spider giant brushed off his coat and glanced over at the tabletop, dismayed to see Peni still laying in bed.
He padded over and bent down to her height, squinting to see if she was awake or asleep.
“Hey, kiddo…” he said softly, afraid of startling her. “You, uh… you alright?”
To Noir’s surprise, Peni rolled over and glared at him before emphatically flipping around so her back was now facing him.
Noir’s eyes widened. It was moments like these that reminded him that she was just a teenager.
“Is... something bothering you?”
Peni didn’t answer, which was effectively an answer.
Noir racked his brain. It wasn’t like he had extensive experience dealing with teenage girls at a normal height. “Do you, uh… do you want to… talk about it?”
Peni let out a small humph, which just made Noir’s heart leap.
“Come on, kid, you can talk to me, you know that.”
Peni was utterly embarrassed, but she had no choice. It wasn’t like she could walk away. Slowly, she turned back toward Noir, whose expression brightened underneath his mask when her tiny, delicate eyes met his. Peni’s cheeks flushed red as she sat up and crossed her arms in protest.
“There. You happy now?”
“Hey, what’s gotten into you?” Noir asked, trying to sound genuine but instead sounding accusatory. A full day out in the field certainly wasn’t helping.
Peni was dumbfounded. “Oh, nothing, I’m just stuck like this and I don’t know how to fix it and I’m – I’m all alone!”
Noir felt a pang in his heart. “Alone? You… you have me.”
“You’re off on missions all the time, though!”
“Well, yeah! I have a job to do! I’m sorry, Peni, I… I can’t just stay home all the time because you want me to!”
Tears began to prick the corner of Peni’s eyes. Why was she so angry?
“It–it doesn’t matter, okay? Forget I said anything! You’re – you’re not my father, and you never will be!”
Both spider people gasped. Noir never thought of himself as her father – after all, he was only 19 years old, so he was more like an older brother. But he always felt this connection to Peni, however inexplicable, given the respective dimensions they each come from. He had this… insatiable need to protect her from the inherent trauma that all spider people experienced. Like he could shield her from all the pain he once went through. He almost forgot that he really couldn’t do that.
Once the first tear fell, the floodgates burst open. She could barely hear Noir go “Oh, no… kiddo…” from high above her, watching helplessly as the girl he saw as family was breaking down because of him.
“Peni, I…” Noir was at a loss for words. Consoling people was not really his strong suit. But something told him that right now, she didn’t need to be lectured at or reprimanded. She needed comfort.
Peni let out a small gasp when she suddenly felt herself being lifted. Noir had gently cupped his hands around her shaking form and, ever so slowly, brought her over to his chest and held her close.
The low drumming of Noir’s heartbeat was enough to snap Peni back to reality. She looked around to confirm that yes, she was being cupped in his hands and yes, he was holding her by his heart.
“It’s okay, kiddo. I gotcha,” his deep voice rumbled from above. The sound waves traveled with ease though his body and into hers, giving her a sense of grounding and warmth that enveloped her like a blanket.
With shaking hands, she was able to wipe the tears from her face until they no longer fell. She allowed the rhythm of his heartbeat to calm her down, and she felt her trembling begin to subside, too. Soon, she had brought her legs up to her chest and curled into Noir’s fingers, allowing herself to melt into his palms.
Noir had to bite his tongue to keep from awwwing.
They sat in silence for a while, with Peni focusing on her breathing and Noir trying his best not to move. Eventually, he felt her stretch out and twist up to look at him.
“Thanks, Noir,” she squeaked, barely audible even to him. “For being here for me.”
“Anytime, kid,” he said back lowly. “Look, uh. I know I’m not the best with… uh…”
“Feelings?”
Noir chuckled. “Yeah. Those. But, you know, you can come to me anytime… about anything. And you don’t have to talk, if you want, but –”
“–Noir,” she cut him off with a chuckle of her own. “I get it.”
“Oh. Good, good.” He fell into a comfortable silence. “Would you, uh, would you like to go lay down? On the couch?”
“I’d… I’d love to,” Peni replied between yawns.
Peni lightly bounced to the rhythm of Noir’s footsteps until the two were settled on the couch with no more words to be said. It was hard for her to realize but Peni wasn’t alone – she had Noir. Sure, she was somehow four inches tall in this universe, and the sheer darkness and drab of his dimension was in stark contrast to her entire existence… but she had someone to care for her, even if it wasn’t the exact way her dad did it.
That was new for her. But she could get used to that.
#you guys dont understand how bad this writers block has been#like i have so many ideas but it's like my brain cant focus on putting them into words#but i'm just glad i was able to get this together after like a week lol#we can never have enough spiderverse content frankly#obwrites#g/t#giant/tiny#giant tiny#spider noir#peni parker#into the spiderverse#across the spiderverse
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i am so extremely confused on how you can acknowledge belly dancing not needing to be sexual yet. still insist that nintendo is sexualizing young gerudo with the attire. the makeup, heels and how impractical it is to wear the shit they wear in the desert i understand. im not defending those design mistakes. but??? jfc.
oh. so, assuming you are the same anon as before, you WERE asking in bad faith then, or are intentionally missunderstanding what im saying, got it, and now you are trying to twist my words around to fit your little narrative about me being the problem and not mega corporation uwu nintendo with a history of racism (to which this issue is extremely attached to)
so, since you apparently didnt understand what i said, and didnt watch the video i attached either, bc that goes into detail of everything as well, im gonna spell it out once more, and i will even EMPHASIZE words like THIS, so its easier to understand, just for you <3
i did NOT say that the 'belly dance' outfit doesnt NEED to be sexual, i SAID it is/was not sexual IN ITS ORIGIN, BUT was TURNED INTO what boils down to nothing else but a sexy strippers outfit by western people and has been used as NOTHING BUT sexual for decades in the vast majority of media of all kind-
which MEANS, that although in ORIGIN it might not have been sexual, the unfortunate PROBLEM is that through its extreme popularization as such you now have to assume IT IS sexual, bc that is pretty much ALWAYS the intent, people dont even know it as anything but a sexual thing
and before you can even say the "well maybe they didnt intent it a such" blah blah, this is NOT SOLELY about the outfit itself being the only problem here, its the whole package, even if they DID have good intentions or did it subconsciously (which, mind you, should also tell you just how much this kind of picture of middle eastern people has been spread, how common it is to see them like this that its what most people actually think they are like) it nevertheless sends a certain message, and again, ITS THE WHOLE FUCKING PACKAGE, everything, from outfit, to design elements, to dialog, to lore, to even camera angles, you cannot view it as a seperate thing bc it is, inherently, not able to be seperated from everything, its as if you took an incredibly racist caricature, zoomed in and said "LOOK they used a realistic kind of skin tone, its totally not racist!!"
you also called these design decisions "mistakes", but they are not, in fact mistakes, a mistake is when you notice after posting a drawing that you forgot to color in a strand of hair, however, ALL of these design and writing decisions are deliberate, they had to sit down, in a giant team of people, to come up with it, then proceed to design and write it, approve it, make it, and ship it, and saw no problem with it, which is a problem
now, im not saying nintendo personally is telling you "its ok to fuck kids", but things have meanings, and if you are making something, ESPECIALLY using something that isnt of your own culture, you should think about things, and what meanings a thing can have attached to, they are a giant corporation, not a single, very uninformed at best- or very racist at worst, human being, they have the means to do research, but they did not do it or think its fine, maybe even good, which deserves to be called out
i am a big, and longtime, zelda fan, but beign a fan of something doesnt mean you cannot criticise it, or aknowledge that its in many ways flawed, part of being a fan is being able to recognize things that are bad and demand better
if you send me another ask spouting bullshit or purposefully missunderstanding what im saying im gonna punt you into the filthy barrel of blocked porn bots, bc i dont have anon messages enabled to receive shit like this but to allow people who might be too shy to send normal asks to talk to me.
jfc.
#ganondoodles answers#and guess what if i block an anon i cant ever unblock them#but honestly i dont think i want people like that to interact with me anyway#i believe its never to late to learn and change your ways to become better#but it is not my job to try and teach someone media literacy that seems to be unwilling to learn anyway#so- enough of that#and if you send me another ask like this im gonna block you- in case that wasnt clear enough
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#??????????????????#????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????#i dont know what to doooooooooooo i dont know what to do w my life.....#i dont wanna go to college im way too stupid for that and also its insane like#im scared i dont like anything enough to make it worth it. not even biology#thats like 5 years idk and i fucking hate school.... i think id kill myself if i had to go back to somerhing remotely similar#idk thats scary.....#my plan b was getting a job and i rlly tried but im a pussy . i only started to go out and do stuff like last year. and im an adult !!#i feel like i fucked something up at some point in my life cuz like this is insane#im stuck in limbo. like theres something wrong and its not the autism#bites a cinderblock bites a cinderblock#man im so fucking scared everyday i feel like im going insane . i cant even imagine me doing anything#theres something wrong w me cuz thats like not normal . i dont wanna die in my bed but everything else scares me#fucked up if true#uh#vent#its funny af tagging my posts w vent but i tag them so u can block them or whatever#FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKK IF ONLY REDBULL ACTUALLY DID SHIT TO ME . THEN ID BE FIXED#FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKKKKKKKKKKK I JUST WANT AN ENERGY DRINK THAT WORKS PLEASEEEEEEEEEEE PLEASE GOD#PLEASE PEKASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE
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i feel like im going insane
#i vividly remember a certain tumblr user posting insane zionist crap on 7th october last year but im looking through their blog and cant#find anything#so either im imagining things or they deleted them#im delusional enough to believe they deleted them because i had this person blocked on my old account for zionist related reasons
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While I do think that Nine and Uzi (not) getting along would be pretty obvious (emo nerd loner who mightve killed a couple people or destroyed a planet that dabbles in powers way outside of them which leads to lasting consequences, but deep down is just somone that wants a single person to care about them)
N and Rusty would also be an interesting combo because there's something about both of them being nothing but kind to their core and wishing nothing but to protect and nurture those around them, but having been twisted into mindless killing machines not allowed to question, only follow orders at the whim of uncaring and egotistical humans who also made them reliant on a powersource that is essentially the life-force of those they would otherwise kill and die to protect. In this essay I will
#murder drones#sonic prime#playing mega blocks and lego by smashing them together once again lmao#something funny about Nine getting friends but theyre sentient robots#*fandub shadow the hedgehog voice* i cant imagine being friends with a robot#anyway#N and rusty....#ALSO!!!#something about the person that sort of begins to snap them out of their ''mindless machine must obey orders at any costs'' mode#being the emo nerd loner#also the act of abandomnet but Im reaching here#point is I think. I thinks they shoul be friends#maybe if I think hard enough I could slap V somehwere in there too but not now...#miles nine prower#nine the fox#uzi doorman#md uzi#serial designation n#n murder drones#md n#rusty rose#silly brainworms
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#colby rambles#made this because im super pissed rn lmao#if you draw a character like kyle with wavy hair and a button nose and try to tell me you “just cant draw curls/arched noses well”#i will fucking block you.#like im not kidding#its just racist#yall will put hours of effort into learning how to draw every little detail of a white character#but when a character dares to have ethnic features that dont fit in your euro-centric box. you will just.... not fucking learn to draw them#like fuck off its not cause theyre “harder” or because “you dont know how”#its because you dont give enough of a shit about poc to devote any time to their characters#like actually if you think this is excusable unfollow me#its racism and laziness#get over yourself#fandom#fandom culture#fandom racism
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🧸♡ ⋆。˚
#it actually does make such a huge difference omg im like ... feels like i got thrown into the floor lost my breath#having someone i like so much to talk to abt things#and share stuff and details abt not only my days but their days too#and talking abt like books that we read or shows/movies we saw and etc etc#sending pics. sending voice messages. all of that#that was so amazing wth???#it sounds like such a mundane thing but it changed my enire baseline. it wasnt a littel thing to me#i didnt share as much as i wanted to because it takes me longer to settle into smth like this#or any kind of connection/correspondence/bond/rapport#im slow bc im so scared of ppl. scared of trusting. scared of opening up. rejection rejection all of that#yeah.. takes me a lot longer than the average person to settle into smth like this#avpd is its own special hell...#i miss it a lot and i wish there hadnt been all the other circumstances so i could've actually relaxed into it#and come out of my shell completely. which i was almost there. now that mental block is gone but it's too late....#i take too long... it is impossible to be patient with me. i really hate everything abt my brain#my desire overtook my fear and it was quicker than it ever has but not enough.. :(#i miss it sm and it made me feel so so much lust for life..#but it's gone now and i can really feel the loss of it#i wouldve done anything i could to save it. or nurture it. or whatever. but it was a sacred treasure to /me/.#it doesnt matter if i try to put out the flames in a burning house if the house is gone and there are actually only the flames left#and since to me it is so special. and like. the fact that this even happened is crazy to me stuff like this feelings and connection never#happen to me. it's like.. special to talk to someone u like & have an established rapport with on a regular basis#and tell them stuff and rant abt like a book or whatever. ask them details abt their life bc u know them and enjoy knowing them#i cant just transfer all of this to someone else. i dont feel like yapping abt the book im reading into the void or someone i barely know#i just dont know... i need that sm and it was so amazing w someone i like sm. & it makes me sad i takes me too long to get fully comfortable#bc of this time were it was the most intense and long lasting for me but also im in love lmao. but other times too...#i take too long and why would someone wanna wait like actually a year (which is how long it often takes me to pass a certain barrier)#im not special. im nothing that great. it is easy to find someone else who is x1000 better than me and wont take an eternity to warm up#i just feel so sad bc i try so hard and then all of my effort just goes down the drain and then i have to do it again if i meet someone#then they'll leave me behind too and get tired of me and not like what they see and then im back at square 1 again
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on a coffee date but Craig won't stop staring
#creek fanart#creek sp#craig tucker#tweek tweak#i was going to draw a cafe in the background but then i didn't#i was trying to use brushes i dont normally and idk if i really like them#also i realized like halfway through that something is off about craigs face but i was too lazy to go back and fix it#as usual i think i drew tweek better#really hand heavy poses ive chosen and i honestly think they arent terrible#none of it is great but i dont think it looks horrible at least#i also had a table in front of them but it like blocked out so much of them and id already spent so long drawing them so i deleted it#i was annoyed enough after spending time shading their chairs just to not be able to see them at all#i didnt draw craigs hat because its weirdly annoying for me to draw so we can pretend its on the table that we cant see lol
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I hate naked bodies and i’m sick of seeing them on my dash why aren’t people tagging this bullshit
#i know it’s tumblr#i also know how to filter tags and words and i do and it’s still not enough and the ops are deactivated and I CANT EVEN BLOCK THEM
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Me, before going to the store: “Are we buying milk? We’re out.”
My dad: “nah, we dont have any money”
Me: “Its fine, I got it”
Meanwhile, my dad: *spending at least 70$ worth of guitar stuff he wont even use (because he plays guitar m ONCE A MONTH IF THAT).*
#the bug speaks#IM GOING FUCKING BONKERS. I AM ACTUALLY GOING FUCKING BONKERS.#We cant even afford basic necessities and he SPENDS HIS MONEY ON ‘TOYS’#literally went ‘oh my new toy is here!’ when the delivery guy came#I hate him I HATE HIM#its nice to buy yourself stuff. i get that.#but when I have to but our food w/ foodstamps and have to scrounge up change for cat food#thats just. ENOUGH. THATS ENOUGH#‘well its my money :\’ MY GUY YOU HAVE A FAMILY OF FOUR#YOU HAVE TWO UNEMPLOYED CHILDREN AND ONE OF THEM IS UNABLE TO WORK.#He used to get so pressed when my brother and i would refer to my mom as the breadwinner and head of household#my guy. My mom STILL makes the most money AND she does 90% of the fucking chores#‘im getting old’ THATS NOT AN EXCUSE MY MOM IS FUCKING DISABLED#SHE WAS DISABLED WHEN SHE WAS RAISING US AS KIDS#LONG BEFORE HE WAS ‘GETTING OLD’#I just. I wish I had a fucking job. Then maybe we would have the money to survive comfortably#vent#anger vent#vent cw#cw vent#vent tw#personal vent#vent post#vent posting#<- I include all of those in case they’re blocked for anyone
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socmed is making me paranoid again... is it always cycles?? is the only solution to fully deactivate?? why is my outermost layer made of thin onionskins? and other questions etc etc
#i feel like someone vagueblogged me but i didnt–and still don't!–have the courage to confront them and now im just so paranoidddddd i !!!#cant function like this... when ppl just confront or block me i dont react like this why is a two sentence might-not-even-be-about-me vague#enough to genuinely trigger physical reactions? and goddd now what am i doing. vagueing abt vagues? what if i just deactivate chrissakes#<- i wont
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