#cant articulate this properly i think. but you get it

[wellthatschaotic]

yes trans people can be hot and sexy and cute but most importantly they're normal. yes fat people can be hot and sexy and cute but most importantly they're normal.

[eeblouissant]

Thoughts on our favourite Italian, Sophia?

How I feel about this character

I think it goes without saying that I absolutely adore Sophia - it’s very hard for me to find characters that I don’t feel the need to place an essays worth of headcanons on for whatever reason, but Sophia is an exception!!!!! I adore adore adore everything about her character - flaws & all. Nothing feels out of place with her, if that makes sense? She’s just the perfect little old lady haha, she’s a huge comfort also. (She reminds me a lot of my mother 😂 like a looottttt. We joke about turning out like Dorothy & Sophia one day, & have since I was small)

All the people I ship romantically with this character

Would it be too out there to say Alvin? I actually really want to draw something for them sometime, they mean a lot to me. Otherwise obviously Sal - they seemed so sweet & silly!! I love the way she talks about him (and how they interact in the flashbacks 😂😂 oh lord)

My non-romantic OTP for this character

Alvin once again, I also adore them as friends! They’re just two peas in a pod imo. Can I also mention here that I think Jean and Sophia would have had some golden interactions if they had had more screen time (or well, if Jean had had more screen time. Although her episode is very special to me.) I also want to add Rose here - one thing I do headcanon about Sophia is that she actually has more of a soft spot for Rose than she chooses to express. Not to say she has a favourite in the house but like, she also definitely does and it’s definitely Rose in my head!!!! Any time they share in stories I just want to hug the screen because I know Rose (with and without my headcanon that she’s autistic honestly) is just soooo so excited to have someone else around that knows her love for storytelling about the past/their hometown/etc!!! Even if Sophia complains about her stories the way the others do, Rose is equally excited to sit and listen :)

My unpopular opinion about this character

I don’t think I have one … I’ll come back & edit if I think of one. Maybe that I think she’s especially fond of Rose? But I don’t think that counts.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

(cw for the most brief mention of parent loss, sorry for the angst)

Okay, this might be stepping into unpopular opinions territory now that I think about it … but I wish so badly that she had left the show with Dorothy. I know it wouldn’t have worked out well for the golden palace but just hear me - I think Dorothy and Sophia need each other. Dorothy leaving crushed her regardless of if it was ever outright stated. I mean think about it, she’s pushing 90 (90!!!!) at the end of the show; her son & husband are dead, contact with Gloria is iffy, and then there’s Dorothy. Who unknowingly put her into a home yes (Stan 🙃), but immediately came to her rescue and was worried sick when Sophia showed up at her doorstep. We see Dorothy become especially defensive (like, sort of violent with her words and mannerisms actually? and I mean that in the best way) of Sophia lots but that episode where Sophia becomes close with a lady that they hired to care for her sticks out especially - when Sophia (HAS THE NERVE TO!!!!!) call(s) her pussycat, she calls her Ma, etc - I’m rambling examples now but my point here is that they should never have been separated because I think it would have just been much too hard on Sophia. I don’t want to get too sad here, so I apologize for the angst, but you hear lots about older couples kind of passing one after another yeah? Within a year or two of one passing the other seems to grow especially weak & follow shortly after? I think that Sophia and Dorothy had a bond this strong. And that if Dorothy truly left permanently, and so far away like that, regardless of having Blanche and Rose with her - it just would’ve been too hard on her heart.

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[sammyofold]

Honestly Sam and Dean were abused but I don't think John ever hit them. That's too obvious. Say what you will about the man, but he loved his sons and I don't think he would knowingly abuse them. Hitting as a form of abuse is very obvious, it's what people think of when they hear abuse, so I don't think John would have done that. He never meant to abuse his sons. But he did physically abuse them. Training them from such a young age to hunt literal monsters could not have been gentle, could not have been soft. Could not have been what any child needed and was probably more than any child should handle. He knew training from the army, and we know that's how he trained them. That no doubt left physical and mental scars for them. Sure, they ended up needing this training and it saved their lives more than once, but does that mean what they went through wasnt abuse? I dont think so

[aquaslove]

…

[idkyyyet]

bro i luv spider-punk but i specifically wanna talk about his hair

he. has. wicks!!!

the origin of wick dreadlocks is florida usa, and are named due to the resemblance to a "candle wick" because of how they stick straight up and/or out!

now, wicks have a bad reputation even within the loc community.

its already known that like if you got dreads, generally, ppl think u are unkempt, and dirty, and things of that nature, but there is even more discrimination against wicks its unreal. like legit yall i cant even begin to explain the nasty shit ppl say about them because i will be sad.

its kinda just considered the "crazy Florida man hairstyle". and a lot of the hate is due to the fact that wicks, appear "unkempt" or things of that nature

there has been a lot of texturism in the loc community which has brought with it the idea that dreads need to be retwisted to be "properly" taken care of, and need to be flat on your head and all these other things that often bring with it the need to hide your natural hair. i get unsolicited advice on my hair all the time telling me "i need a retwist" because of the belief that black hair needs to be all tidy and stuff to be respected.

but the thing is, dreads aren't meant to be all neat and tidy all the time y'know. its black hair in one of its most natural forms. and who better to showcase that than hobie brown, spider punk?

wicks kinda go against everything that dreads are "supposed" to be and "supposed" to look like.

i just love everything about this movie but i especially wanted to like talk about this hair choice. hair most def has meaning, especially black hair, so i think this was a really cool and fitting design choice for his character and everything he represents.

(i did my best to like articulate my thoughts but hopefully this makes at least a bit a sense)

[kattitude130]

also lol LOL LOL HE ABANDONED HER A TOTAL OF THREE TIMES!!!!!!!!!!!!! THREE! LETS GOOOOOOOOOOO THIRD TIMES THE CHARM HUH?!? HUH?!??!?!

he feels like it was the right thing to do but LITERALLY THE WHOLE POINT, THE WHOLE POINT OF HER ENDURING IT, FOR YOU, IS BECAUSE SHE DIDNT WANT TO LOSE YOU TOO. THE WHOLE POINT. IS THAT SHE DIDNT WANT YOU TO GO AWAY AGAIN. AND YOU KNOW SHES SUFFERING AND SHES YOUR DAUGHTER AND YOU DO IT AGAIN YOU DID IT AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GREAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i dont even know what to say

[arminsumi]

I want to kiss you / キスしたい

G. Satoru

NOTE: i recently started learning to write in japanese for not much reason other than to occupy my mind with something new. this little daydream came to me and i can't stop thinking about it, i think falling in love despite a language barrier is one of the purest and sweetest ways to fall in love.

WARNINGS — it might be fem reader idk, kissing 👍, ur married w him at the end, not proofread lol i'm snuggled up in bed ok

Satoru cant speak english and you cant speak japanese; Suguru is the translator friend. You met him online years ago, who knows how. But you hit it off, and four years of friendship rolled by.

Satoru heard all about Y/n and saw you many times when Suguru facetimed or called you. You and him had many cute, playful interactions, ranging from making hearthands at each other to flipping each other off and laughing about it. Sometimes Satoru would be sat off-camera, overloading Suguru with things to translate, because he had a lot to say to you. One time, Suguru left for a few minutes to get a pizza delivery, and then Satoru got very quiet and the two of you blinked at your screens.

"Hi."

"Hi."

And then you two for some reason started laughing with your whole chests, Suguru walked in with a confused smirk. He joked, "Sooo... what did you and Satoru talk about while I was gone?" He asked, gentle accent coming through in soft waves. "The mysteries of the universe." You replied. Satoru was already diving into the pizza box, but he still listened to you speak; he wondered what you had said, maybe you used some fancy words to say that you liked him? He'd be lying if he said he didn't memorize variations of "i like you" after that. He was paranoid that he could miss you saying that you liked him.

You managed a slow, meticulously-pronounced nice to meet you in Japanese when you finally visited Tokyo. It was at the airport. You and Suguru had shared many hugs — good grief, you'd seen height comparisons many times but none painted a real idea of just how big these boys were. But Satoru? He was loudmouthed on a screen and surprisingly shy in person. Eventually he hugged you and didn't let go. He even got so comfy as to hang and cling to your body like you saw him doing with Suguru in countless photos and videos.

Though you could barely pronounce the little Japanese that you picked up, Satoru felt giddy to hear your pretty voice in his language. He listened to you like you were reciting love poetry to him, fists under his chin and eyes starry. But you were just saying basic phrases, boring things — nothing that articulated your thoughts properly.

He was far too embarrassed to try and speak any English when he first met you, even though after developing a crush on you he did start learning some English on the side. He knew quite a bit, but listening was so impossibly difficult it frustrated him like nothing else. He was also self-conscious of his English accent, though Suguru tried to assure him that he sounded very cute and almost oddly British.

So often instead of attempting to speak tiny phrases to you, Satoru threw a lot of hand motions and signals your way which got the two of you and Suguru laughing — poor Sugie, he was always translating even the smallest things you said even if you muttered them under your breath, because Satoru was eager to know every little thought and expression you had, even if you were simply commenting on the weather.

Once you commented that it was so hot, you were visiting during a heatwave-filled summer. Satoru raised his brows at Suguru expectantly, and you heard a familiar translation;

暑い。

It's hot.

There was such a frustrating language barrier between the two of you, it became more evident when you had finally flown over the sea to meet them.

Yet you and satoru fell in love silently and beautifully, your love flowing like a river in the most unexpected directions. You felt his affection emanating from his irises. You and him joked around, and talked — though you had no idea what the other meant most of the time. Sometimes the two of you gave up and you talked in English, he responded with Japanese, and it went on like that very comedically until Suguru came back to bridge the gap.

Lots of time was spent putting your heads together over your phone, reading translations of what you wanted to say to each other.

One day, when Suguru left the two of you alone in his apartment kitchen so that he could hop to the convenience store, Satoru typed something into the translator and let you read it. Your face warmed up.

キスしたい。

I want to kiss you.

He looks at you expectantly.

You type back to him.

Then kiss me.

それからキスして。

He blushed and hesistated, the two of you making electric eye contact for a while before he boyishly pecked your lips to test if you liked his kiss, but oh that's all the two of you needed to realize just how much you liked each other. You melted into each other like your bodies were made for nothing else but to embrace and be one. He shook a little, tentatively gliding his lips over yours. His hands nervously cupped your cheeks. With the way he handled you so carefully, you'd think you were made of porcelain.

Your reciprocation meant everything to him. His confidence flourished. The soft smacking, wet sounds got louder when he kissed you more passionately. Those gentle hands found their way to the back of your neck, and he softly pressed you closer to him as if he was scared you would pull away. What if you changed your mind mid-kiss? He was overthinking and you wouldn't have even guessed it, because you thought he was in the same blissed out dream state as you were. So high on kissing that the world fell away.

The two of you started smiling embarrassedly, grinning so hard that you couldn't continue kissing. Then the two of you just giggled against each other's faces — a subconscious realization swept him; laughter and kissing are their own languages.

Yes as years passed and you visited time and time again, your Japanese improved and his English improved. When you moved to Japan, eventually you adopted a messy mix of Japanese and English with Satoru. He liked showing off how perfectly he could pronounce things, and you liked showing off that you could write very neat kana.

Years and years and years passed and when you and him were married in your own little apartment, starting a life together, a very fluent Satoru reminisced about how the two of you fell in love despite barely speaking to each other.

"It was your eyes for me." You said.

"Oh really? It was your voice for me. I didn't know what you were saying, but it sounded nice." He said.

"Mmm I liked your voice, too." You said, snuggling your head on his shoulder. He basked in the attention, though it was common, it always felt special for him. The smallest hand touches and wrist kisses made his heart lurch.

"Remember when I always nagged Suguru to translate every little thing you said?"

"Yeah, you worked him to the bone." You chuckled.

"I just wanted to know what you were saying. I had such a crush on you, looking back now it was even ridiculous how much I liked you considering the barrier and all."

"Ooh, did you?"

"How is this surprising? We're married??"

"Oh yeah."

[eustasskidagenda]

omg hi hi! i adore your writing so much :3! if its alright with you, could i get headcanons for how crocodile, law, kid, and ace would be with an autistic s/o who loves to infodump, but is nervous to do so. theres always this odd bit of shame that accompanies infodumping for me because i get so excited i cant properly articulate myself *lays down* its just a mess of stimming, stuttering, and laughing at my own jokes. i feel embarrassed after, even if its totally an illogical response. im unsure if you write for autistic y/n so feel free to ignore this if you dont. thank you so much <33

☆Crocodile, Law, Kid & Ace with an autistic s/o who loves to info dump 

Hello, dear anon! I'm not used to write autistic y/n, because I don't know enough about this and I wouldn't like to be harmful. However, the situation you're describing is something close to ADHD, which I know well. So I've made some additional researches to be sure and come up with something, I hope you will like it. Thank you for your request, it was a sweet one ♡

CW : g/n reader, slight curses for Kid, fluff 

WC : Around 1,500 words

Crocodile 

Crocodile doesn't talk much, he's always serious and quiet. It's just that he's often thinking about his business and plans. But he's a good observer and would immediately notice if you want to say something but are too nervous to do it. He knows you perfectly, so he would recognize the way you're fidgeting.

He's a man with good manners, so his first reflex would be to lock the door and make sure no one can enter and destabilize you. When it's done, he will point his chair towards you.

"Sit. I'm listening, y/n." 

Actually, he likes hearing you speak during hours. He knows it's a way to express your love and feelings. He's flattered that you want to share your world with him. Go ahead and speak, he will listen. Even if he's just nodding or commenting short sentences in response, he has a good memory and will remember everything you said to him. 

If you're talking too fast and start to get really flustered, he will let you know that you're speaking too fast, like 'y/n, what did you just say?' 

Your hyper-focus and info-dumping are appreciated by Crocodile because he enjoys learning new things and you're a source of knowledge. Maybe he's impassive and struggles to express his feelings, but sometimes you will hear him talk about what he learned with you, so clearly he listened to every single word. 

"Don't be ashamed, it was interesting. Can we talk more about this specific point?" 

If you say something that he is really curious about, he has no shame asking for more. It's a way for him to express his genuine care for you. For him, it's a way to prove to you that even though he's always quiet, he cares.

Law

Law is similar to Crocodile in his lack of emotional expression and limited speech. He is always busy, struggling with his parasitic thoughts and taking care of his patients. Finding some private time with you is a challenge for him. 

If you run into Law with excitement about your passion or new hyper-focus, he may feel embarrassed because it's not the perfect time for him. Autism is something he knows about, and he is an intelligent and educated man. And, he wants to make you feel safe and comfortable. 

"I'll be yours in a moment, y/n-ya."

He has a complete understanding of you and is an excellent observer. The way you're already blushing, fidgeting, and swallowing nervously. He can even hear your heart racing. So first thing first, he will tell you to take a deep breath. After all, he’s a doctor. 

"What do you wanna talk about?" 

As Crocodile, he's a great listener. When you're full of passion and excitement, he thinks you're cute. He likes the sound of your voice. He loves when you want to find him and talk about your passion, because you're offering him a break from his work. If you weren't there, he would be stuck either in work or in his own head. When he's with you, he can forget about his dream of avenging. You're his safe place, truly. 

He doesn't speak a lot. But he is listening.M and asks questions from time to time.

"Yn-ya, there's been no urge. Take your time." And if you're stuttering a lot, he would just say nothing because it's pointless to make a remark, as long as he can understand what you're saying, he will never say something about your elocution. 

"That's interesting, where did you learn that much?" 

Law is a curious and intelligent man, so he likes to learn more about almost everything. If it can help him with his plans or maybe his patients, it might even be beneficial for him.

During your bedtime together, he would ask you to talk about your passions. The way you talk and laugh is like his own lullaby. When you speak, he can find inner peace because it shuts down all the voices in his head. He might fall asleep sometimes when he feels tired. It's just that you're providing him with some relief. When he wakes up, he would be deeply sorry. "So, yesterday, you stopped at this precise point… what were you trying to say after?"

Kid 

Kid is so goddamn loud. And really passionate. He's focused on his goal of becoming the next PK and has loved mechanics and robotics since childhood. He would be aggressively sweet, like frowning when he notices how stressed and nervous you act towards him. "Hey, Y/N, why are you so fucking nervous? Just speak" 

He thinks you're cute with your cheeks all red. On the flip side, he's a bit confused. Why are you nervous? Is it his fault? He knows he's loud, hard to love and rough, but he cares about people he likes. Have you seen how he acts with Killer and his crew? He loves his people. 

And, as a punk, Kid is marginalized. He knows a lot about being different, and if you feel ashamed about it, he can understand. "Come on y/n, let's find a private place" 

Grab your wrist in an aggressive yet sweet way and lead you to his workshop or bedroom. He sits you on the bed with his arms crossed and eyebrows raised. "Now we're alone." 

So, you start talking nervously. It doesn't matter if the topic is interesting to him or not, he will listen. Because as I said, Kid is a passionate. Everything can be made interesting by passionate people. So, yeah, talk about birds, cakes, plushies, or anything stuck in your head. He will like it. And he enjoys the sound of your voice. He’s even flattered to be your special someone, the one you’re looking for when you need to talk. It fuels his ego and pride.

He will deal with your stuttering as he deals with Killer's laugh. He'll shut up and smash all the people making fun of you if there's something you hate about yourself. You're his s/o, no one can laugh at you and continue to live without facing his rage.

"Goddamn, slow down" yes, not the best with kindness, but at least he's paying attention. 

He wouldn't help but think you're really cute, with your eyes shining as you finally manage to relax and express how passionate you are. He understands your excitement because when he talks about robots, music, punk or weapons, he's exactly the same. 

Kid is not the most culturally advanced, it depends on the topic. He enjoys learning new things thanks to you or Killer, it's important for him to be credible, and he hates looking inferior in front of others. 

"See, there was no reason to be that nervous" When you finished speaking.

Just poke your cheek, grin and leave a mark of lipstick on your front-head before returning to his activities and yelling proudly to everyone he knows everything about the subject you just info-dump about.

Ace

The sweetest. Ace's personality is both compassionate and protective. He grew up with Luffy, so passionate and talkative people are something he knows a lot about. As he's proud of his brother, he's proud of you and can listen to everything you say for hours. 

"Y/N, is there something wrong?" 

Yeah, he would immediately notice that you're starting to get nervous. His first reflex is to find a more private place, if that's not already the case. He wants to do everything to make you feel safe and loved. If it's winter or just cold, he would even use his DF to warm the room. As soon as you're all comfortable, he'll run his fingers through your hair. "You know I will always listen." 

Ace doesn't speak a lot about what's on his mind. He's way too stubborn and always struggles with guilt due to the blood running through his veins. So he enjoys having someone like you. Your voice is soothing him, and he loves how passionate and honest you are always. 

For him, it's even amazing and unreal to have someone talk to him. You're treating him like a normal human and not a failure, because he feels like it often: unloved, unwanted and unworthy.

"Sweetie, you don't have to rush, we have the time, I'll always listen" if you start to speak too fast.

Would entwine his fingers with yours when you're stuttering and laugh heartily at your jokes. You remind him of his dear little brother. He feels lucky to have you by his side. 

"I could listen for hours." And he's totally honest.

If someone makes fun of you, he's truly mad. You are as significant to him as his brother or Whitebeard. And if someone makes fun of his loved-one, Ace is merciless and really impulsive.

"Please, say more about this specific point!", "Oh, really, that's so funny?" He wants to make you talk even more. Until you're finally relaxed and able to speak without stuttering, blushing, or anything else. He doesn't mind it, even if it lasts for hours. Once you're done, he has his usual sweet smile on his face. "That was so interesting, why are you so embarrassed?" 

So you explain to him that you feel embarrassed about your info dump because you're afraid to annoy people or talk too fast etc." It's alright, you won't bother me." 

You're his sunshine. He feels loved with you. He feels more than just the son of someone; he's just Ace, and that's the most beautiful thing in the world for him.

Such a sweet boy. ♡

[melissa-titanium]

could actually genuinely watch this fucking scene over and over again its SO well animated & if you actually hear it and the dialogue without context its fucking hilarious like why is this kid losing his fucking mind over being told hes cool and normal . but its just so fucking good. i genuinely cant say i have a firm grasp on his character enough to properly analyze this scene with confidence but god its just. its so good. its SO GOOD. remembering shigeo when he was little being the last straw as well. fuckkkkk. kid whos been the perfect son perfect brother with perfect grades ever since the incident because he fully and sincerely believes if he lets that facade slip. if he lets his brother get upset. even for a second. he's putting himself and others into incredible danger. because unlike his brother, he has no special abilities of his own he cant defend himself. and hes THIRTEEN he has to manage that weight on his shoulders with no help from anyone else.

then. something something. after so long of hoping hoping hoping to get those abilities, putting himself in a position he despises just to make up for his perceived lack of self defense, he just. gets powers. powers that were supposedly lying dormant within him all his life. do you know how that must have felt? all of that festering, all of that fear was for NOTHING? i think. augh i dont have my thoughts about him cohesive enough to fucking say anything but just like. i dont know. ive seen one or two people be like LOL ritsu so overdramaticccccc in cleanup arc like NO dude when i was 13 i did something kinda similar i get him. i get him . my freakass little brother. thats just what it feels like. having to pack away such a traumatic event? something he experienced as a kid . must have been so much bigger in his eyes now. when youre small EVERYTHING is big to you. and he never quite grew out of seeing what shige did to him as something monumentally terrifyingly BIG. and it just festered and festered and festered and. i dont know. going way too deep into this rn but after building up SO. MUCH. RAGE. and all it comes out as is something arguably like. meager? it makes you fucking lose your absolute shit. i dont know if im making sense its 1 am bare with me dude. i really like ritsu i really like ritsu i think hes cool i GET him i promise i do i just cant articulate my thoughts on him. agggggggggggggh

[lunatic-fandom-space]

Elisabeth: das Musical (1992) [Elisabeth: the Musical]

Ayyyyyyyyy its been several months but Im BACK BABEY!!! Im not gonna be back for long though because Im not unemployed yet so I dont have the time to watch movies and write reviews about them all the time, but I do have the time to sit down every once in a while and write a little bit of this. which has been taking me several months now

Anyway, if you thought I wouldnt use this project as an excuse to rewatch my favorite musical, you would be very wrong >:)

Now, since this is my favorite musical you would probably think that writing a review would be easy, but because Ive basically been thinking about it nonstop for a few months, its caused me to have this giant buildup of thoughts, its kind of like theres a clogged faucet in my brain right now, to the point where I struggle to properly articulate any of them, especially if Im not being prompted somehow. Like it goes beyond vampire-autism at this point, its not enough to just invite me to talk about Elisabeth, you need to ask me specific questions (on that note, my askbox is always open <3)

So yeah, Im not going to go into a lot of detail but to make up for that, I will be talking about all different productions Ive seen so far in the order that I watched them in (all proshots because Im unfortunately very picky when it comes to my musical-recordings looking and sounding good lol)

The Vienna Production(s)

Thats referring to the original 1992 version, the 1998 version and the 2005 revival.

oughhhhhhh its so good, they really put everything into this one: beautiful songs, strong artistic direction, incredible social commentary, a portrayal of death that serves mad cunt, gay sex etc etc

My first experience with this musical went as follows: my mother bought me the 2001 Essen cd and just kinda put it (and a few other musical cds that dont matter) in my room while I wasnt there without telling me, because we were arguing and our relationship was pretty bad at the time, and it took me a while to listen to it, in part because I was mad at her and wanted to spite her (?) but also I didnt look at the cd cover very closely and for the longest time I thought it was about one of the british Elizabeths and I was like "tch. i dont care about some british queen, im not listening to that". And then one day I actually looked at it and saw that it was a Sissi-musical, which, I also didnt care about her at the time so that didnt really pique my interest either. A few days later I decided to look at the back of the cd cover which had all the song titles, and then I just kinda did that again every few days until I finally took the little booklet with the lyrics out of the case, read through them, and then at last listened to the songs. I do not know why I was doing like, regency-era courting rituals with this random cd, I have never done this before or since, but I did it this one time. And I really liked it so I would listen to it atleast once every day, usually in the mornings because I always wake up at 5am and I needed something to kill time before I had to leave at 7 lol

Theres only 16 songs on this cd and I think they do a decent job at 'summarizing' the story, but I could tell I was missing a lot (although I thought it was just dialogue at the time), and I was really curious about that but I didnt even try to find a proshot or a bootleg or look further into it because I didnt think I was going to find it because I thought it was super obscure because its. german. Idk, does anyone else kindof instinctually assume that every piece of media from your native country is some obscure bullshit that no one cares about (including other people from your native country) or is that just me? Whatever, despite me not looking further into it, I did eventually get the 2005 proshot recommended to me on youtube which is great, i love that google knows my every move and I love that I cant do anything about it. But for some reason I still needed that push to get me to actually watch it, and that push came in the form of a Diana: The Musical review. I watched it and then I read some of the comments and then I left my very own, very long comment where I compared it to Elisabeth: das Musical. Since I obviously hadnt seen either musical in full it was honestly probably pretty incoherent, but my main point was that it looks like Diana couldve really used some satire and social commentary elements similar to the ones present in Elisabeth, which I knew were there because the cd had Milch and Kitsch. Those songs are actually one of the things that I initially found very intriguing because they seemed so out of place among most of the other songs that are these very emotional and earnest ballads and duets, like Wie Du, Ich gehör nur mir, Elisabeth mach auf mein Engel, Ich will dir nur sagen, and Boote in der Nacht are more or less what I would expect from a Sissi-musical, and then Der letzte Tanz is more or less what I would expect from a Sissi-musical where death is a love interest, but Kitsch especially was such a wildcard in there.

Anyway, after I wrote that comment under the Diana: The Musical review, it occurred to me that I should probably watch Elisabeth: das Musical before I start writing needlessly long analyses in random comments sections. And then I thought to myself "oh! since these are both musicals about generally beloved royal women, it would be interesting if I watched both of them for the first time back to back and then maybe made a video essay comparing them" I decided to watch Diana first because what little I heard of the songs in that review sounded pretty bad so I wanted to get that out of the way first, and it was indeed bad, but I was still sure that there was enough there to make a video essay about, especially if Im comparing it to something else. And then I watched Elisabeth and it was so good that I was like "you know, I dont think i want to compare this to that other piece of shit" so I didnt write the video essay I wanted to write originally and started on something that was just about Elisabeth das Musical, which I also didnt end up writing because I usually have a low attentionspan and I struggle with writing alot, thats a big part of why these posts take me so long, along with the fact that I have a job now thats been sucking all the time and energy out of me like a cruel vampire

So yeah, the 2005 proshot was my first time properly experiencing this musical and I do think its a good introduction because things are explained a bit more and it feels like more of a cohesive story compared to the original one which feels more loose with less connective tissue; like, you can tell this musical was made the assumption that the aufience already knew about Elisabeth as a historical figure to some extent, which is fair enough but I missed out on three years of highschool history so I knew literally nothing, like Rudolf's suicide was a huge surprise to me. And it spared me the disappointment of watching the full musical for the first time without getting to hear my second favorite song, Wenn ich tanzen will. That being said, I do vastly prefer the 1992 version simply because the cast is the definition of perfection. I have yet to see or hear an actor that managed to do a better with Lucheni than Ethan Freeman, and ohhhhh you shouldve seen how insane I was about Uwe Kröger's Tod after I first watched that proshot

Of course I also loved Pia Douwes, Andreas Bieber and Else Ludwig but I just feel a little less strongly about them because I think they usually do a pretty good job casting Elisabeth, Rudolf and Sophie, whereas I feel like they struggle to cast actors for Lucheni and Tod that manage to live up to the original cast even a little. Its definitely less bad with Lucheni, the main issue I have with most of his actors besides Ethan Freeman is that none of them ever even try to do an italian accent (probably because they cant do a good one which is good, no accent is definitely better than a bad one in this case, but still) so all the italian bits of dialogue sound really unnatural imo. But with Tod its like, straightup i dont even know what on earth theyre trying to do most of the time, but it very rarely works for me.

Now, the eagle-eyed of you will have noticed that ive talked about the 1992 proshot and the 2005 proshot but not the 1998 proshot, even though I mentioned it at the very start of this section. Thats because i FUCKING HATE IT!!!!! No just kidding, its mostly the same as the 1992 production except it has the longer version of Nichts, nichts, gar nichts and the cast is a bit worse. Its actually kind of impressive because thinking back on it, I feel like literally every actor was just the slightly worse knockoff version, with the exception of Maya Harkvoort as Elisabeth. And thats not to say that theyre bad, I just like them less than the original cast and I dont think they make any interesting acting choices to make up for it. And then theres the guy who played der Tod, whose name I am not looking up because Im about to get mean and I'll feel less bad about that if I dont use his actual name. He just sounds so bad. Hes like Uwe Kröger from an alternate universe where he cant sing. And to be fair, Im pretty sure this is the same guy as the one who played Tod on the 1996 cd and hes literally unbearable on that one, so he has improved quite a bit, but it just wasnt enough.

I remember a while ago when all my Elisabeth-mutuals reblogged this gifset of 1998!Tod and I dont remember if I only liked it or if I reblogged it as well but whatever I did, I did it with gritted teeth because I had recently watched that proshot and hated his performance. Everyone was going #woa mama hes serving cunt and in my head I was just like "yeah, but hes not serving a good performance thoughhhhhhhh". Also, he literally looks and has a lot of the same mannerisms as uwe!Tod, I'd be gravely disappointed if he didnt serve cunt

So yeah, its not like, awful or anything but I think the 1998 proshot is really only worth watching if you wanna see Maya Harkvoort as Elisabeth but in a pre-2001-changes production

The 1999 Schevening Production

Now THIS is an awful Elisabeth production! I hated this fucker so much I didnt even bother rewatching it for this post. Fortunately I did write a little review of it immediately after watching it, so if you care about my fresh 1999 Schevening Production Thoughts, feel free to scrawl through the bog that is my blog to find it

The first (and pretty much only) thing that you need to know about this one is that they cut all of the political songs. So theres no Hass, no Jedem gibt er das Seine, no Milch im pretty sure, and definitely no Die Schatten werden länger Reprise. Honestly I might be missing a cut song or two here because they somehow managed to shave a whole half an hour off this thing. I would be impressed by how they managed to do that without rendering the story completely incomprehensible if I wasnt so busy being angry at the way they just completely gutted this musical. I dont even understand why they did it, the musical is SO MUCH obviously worse for it! Like, okay, I could kinda get it if they had just cut Hass since thats obviously the most uncomfortable song (i would think less of them for it, but I would get it, the takarazuka version does it too) but them cutting the other political songs is just baffling to me because its like. bro. its politics from the 1800s, how is that upsetting or discomforting nowadays?

Whatever, lets talk about some other stuff. The cast was mostly not remarkable enough for me to remember ~1 year later. Pia Douwes is here as Elisabeth and shes very good as always, thats kindof it. This version of Der Tod is the most aggressive and overtly antagonistic Ive seen, which was kinda interesting in the sense that Death is usually personified as a straightfoward villain and vienna!Tod was kind of a subversion of that and a little more complex and now this production is basically subverting the subversion, but I untimately wasnt all that into it

I remember initially quite enjoying the sets and overall style of this production, Im pretty sure in my original review I said something along the lines of "I like the symbolism and abstractness of the original production, but its neat seeing a more literal take on it" and now Im just like. chuckles nervously, Okay guys, its been fun, can we go back to the symbolism. please.

So yeah, I really dont think this one is worth watching unless youre a hardcore Pia-stan or youre just really committed to watching every version of Elisabeth: das Musical you can get your hands on, like meeeeee <3

The 2004 Budapest Production

This is a really good one! I actually rewatched it for this post and I was excited to do so. I dont have too much to say about it though, in terms of story its fairly similar to the Vienna productions except that it has Kein Kommen ohne Gehen and the conspiracy song and der Tod has a bit more of a romantic vibe. Actually, i think a better way of describing it is, its like the takarazuka production but un-takarazukafied, which might not make that much sense if you havent seen both of these especially considering I havent talked about the takarazuka production yet. But what I mean is, both of these productions focus a lot more on the hungarian revolution-side of things and make it into more of a proper subplot, and the way they do it is mostly structurally the same (as in, new scenes/songs are inserted at mostly the same points in the narrative) but takarazuka version is a lot more glitzy and overdramatic where this production is a lot more grounded. I dont really prefer one over the other because the approaches are so different that I feel like they cant really be compared. I do like that they do that overall and I really like the conspiracy song for drawing additional parallels between Rudolf and Elisabeth, even though I know its not historically accurate, although I will say that it feels a little bit off in this production which otherwise does seem to be going for historical accuracy. Like, it doesnt bother me at all in the takarazuka production just because i feel like that one takes so many liberties that it doesn't really stick out, but even here, its not the biggest deal to me

Anyway, other stuff. The stage feels weirdly small, but I really like the sets, they lean a bit more towards being literal rather than symbolic but they do some really cool stuff with them, I especially like the way they'll spin essentially the whole set sometimes, it makes for some very interesting and dynamic staging. The performances were great, obviously Szabó P Szilveszter as der Tod was amazing, he has such a beautiful and powerful voice, and I also loved Janza Kata as Elisabeth. I feel like she played it a bit angrier than Im used to, like you can really feel her her frustration at the world around her even early on during Wie Du, and its so good. mwah

This production is the first one that Ive ever liked Franz Joseph in even a little. With him Im usually like "goddddd he sucks so much, i literally cant believe they got married" from the very start, but with this guy I was like "oh..... hes kinda cute, I get what Elisabeth sees in him" during So wie man plant und denkt and Nichts ist schwer. And I was initially worried that I only thought that because they didnt give him that historically acurrate haircut that the Vienna productions give that looks really bad and stupid, however I have since seen the takarazuka productions where they also give him a better haircut, and out of all the performers Ive seen Ive only liked two, so. yay! Im not shallow as fuck! Although I will reiterate that that era was truly a dark age for men's hair, I have such a viscerally negative reaction to most of those styles. And ugh, dont even get me started on the facial hair...... So yeah, while the haircut is not my only reason for liking him so much, it does help quite a bit

I will say, I noticed quite a few lyrics that I didnt really like. Or rather, because I dont speak hungarian so i dont actually know what the lyrics are and have to go off the subtitles and other translations, I dont like the sentiment behind them regardless of whether the lyrics sound good when you can properly understand them, if that makes sense. Like, the last line of Kein Kommen ohne Gehen was something like "You will be my queen of the night forever" and I just dont like that idea fundamentally, like my opinion of what this line is communicating wouldnt change if it was communicating it in a different way. But there werent too many lines that bothered me like that and most of them are not particularly (negatively) memorable, they just made me frown a lil as I was watching and then I basically immediately forgot about them.

So yeah, its really good and I'd definitely recommend watching it if you havent already

The Takarazuka Production(s)

That's referring to. all of them. I have seen all the normal proshots from 1996 to 2018, all the concert proshots and I have seen a few of the shinjinkoen ones as well (not all or even a lot of them bc theyre very hard to find unfortunately). Fortunately, theyre fundamentally all the same, the only big change that they ever made was adding Wenn ich tanzen will in 2002, and they change the costumes sometimes but thats it, so I dont have to get into every single individual production. Atleast not right now, I might at least compare the different Tod-performances because there are some striking differences, but that would be for a different post

I went on a bit of a journey watching all these different proshots, the first one I saw was the 1996 Star one and I absolutely loved it, then I watched a few more and I started noticing some issues which caused me to start disliking it, but then I watched some more and came around to liking it again. Its like, I have all these criticisms and complaints but I dont really think about those as Im watching it, Im just kinda along for the ride and having a good time and then when Im like, on a walk and I randomly start thinking about Elisabeth: Ai to Shi no Rondo I go "man, theres a bunch of shit here that sucks"

So yeah, lets talk about the shit that sucks, from Bothers Me Most to Bothers Me Least

It feels like they tried to make der Tod the protagonist instead of Elisabeth by giving him more stagetime and also giving him like three reprises of Ai to Shi No Rondo, effectively replacing the Ich gehör nur mir melody as the most important one, which I dislike on principle, but it also just plain doesnt work. Like, theyre trying to make this guy a protagonist with a rich inner world but first of all, hes supposed to be a personification of aspects of Elisabeth's (and Rudolf's) inner world and second of all, even as a more straightforward and human-seeming romantic character, his whole appeal is that you cant really know his inner world because hes mysterious like that and ultimately nonhuman, so all you can get out of him here is shallow little songs about his feelings for Elisabeth that are really bland and boring. Also, him singing about his love for Elisabeth so many times (and at such inappropriate moments like directly after she considered killing herself and at her sons funeral) makes him seem unbearably pathetic, but that actually doesnt bother me that much because I think its very funny

This version is definitely a lot more sanitized with there being no Hass, Kitsch and Kitsch Reprise being heavily altered to be less poignant, the bigger focus on Tod's romantic nature and Elisabeth's rougher edges being sanded down. The colorful costumes and sets also just make it feel like more of a silly fun time which contributes to the sanitized-ness imo. In a way, its kinda like the Scheveningen prod except this one went about its sanitization with surgical precision, where that one just started senselessly chopping off limbs

This version is very sillygoofy, thats the best word for it. This is my last complaint because if you catch me in the right mood this isnt even a complaint, this is just an aspect of the show that I think is fun and that I like a lot, but if you catch me in a different mood then boy will I complain. I dont really know how to properly explain this one in a concise way to someone who hasnt seen it. Instead of that little scene of some hungarians gossiping about little Sophie after Stationen einer Ehe, we get a scene of some hungarians being upset at the austrian empire and planning to stage a protest next time Elisabeth and Franz Joseph come to do some kind of assembly (? i guess) and then the assembly happens and they do the protest and the imperial guards shoot up into the air to intimidate them into stopping and then Franz Joseph turns to Elisabeth like "cmon, we gotta leave" but shes like "no wait" and she takes of her cloak (shes been wearing a cloak that hides her whole body basically this entire time btw), revealing her dress which is hungarian flag-colored and then she says "Éljen, Hungary!" and the crowd goes wild!!!

That scene is the sillygoofiest thing that happens in this production, nothing tops it, all the other sillygoofy bits are more subdued in their sillygoofiness, but still, I feel like its a good scene to use as an example of this show's sillygoofiness. Also, whenever I think about scenes in this show that are sillygoofy I always think of the scenes that are part of the whole hungarian revolution-subplot. Theyre actually not that tonally different from any of the other parts of this show, like obviously they would be absolutely hilarious if you just inserted them into the original austrian production or the hungarian production as they are, but they dont stick out within the takarazuka production itself, yknow what I mean? They've made enough subtle changes to the original material that the things that they added (which would otherwise seem incongruous with that material) dont immediately stick out.

All of this to say, I think the people who have tried to adapt this musical into the 'takarazuka style' have done an excellent job at it, but I could definitely see people who are fans of Elisabeth das Musical not really enjoying it because of that, unless theyre like me, and can be momentarily distracted from its flaws by virtue of featuring a bunch of beautiful women singing beautifully for 2 and a half hours. But if that sounds good to you, I would 100% recommend it because its a fun and very well-made time. I dont have a specific proshot that I would recommend over the others, but I will say that I have a huge soft spot for the 1996 Star one because its the first one i saw and I absolutely adore Asaji Saki's Tod, and for the 2009 Moon one because thats the one I spent a bunch of time making german subtitles for to show my parents

Okay, before I move on to talking about the next production, I just have one more thing to say, or rather ask: why are the takarazuka and hungarian productions so similar? They both premiered in the year 1996 (and there was no pre-takarazuka japanese prod to my knowledge) so it seems impossible to me for one to have taken from the other, and from what I can tell, the changes that are specific to both of these productions and that dont really appear in any others (except for the toho production but we'll get to that) have existed in both of them from the start, so like, how did that happen, what overlap was there between their creative teams because there must have been something or else they wouldnt have turned out so similar? So yeah, if anyone reading this knows more about the behind the scenes history of these productions, please tell me about it, Im very curious

The 2016 Toho Production (White Cast)

Its kinda funny going from the Takarazuka section where I had seen literally as many of them as I could physically get my hands on, to this one where Im just like "yeah, Ive just seen the one that Im pretty sure is the most popular one, its atleast the one I see people post gifs of the most". To be fair, I think theyve only released 6 or 7 proshots even though theyve been putting it on since 2001, god knows why

Whatever, this production is really good and I like it a lot. The songs are overwhelmingly the same as they were in the takarazuka production, although theyve made some changes to the ones that were the most different to make them more like they were originally. Thats honestly a good way of describing this production as a whole; if the Budapest one felt like the takarazuka one but completely un-takarazukafied, this one was like, 50% un-takarazukafied. I was really debating with myself what percentage I would say there, because while the changes are for the most part subtle and the overall sillygoofiness remains intact for the most part, they did keep Kitsch the same and they kept Hass the same which was honestly shocking to me, I was kind of expecting them to censor it somehow or atleast tone it down or something, which is why I was actually looking at the screen during this version for once (Hass usually gives me horrible intrusive thoughts and I usually watch musicals on my tv so I cant just skip ahead, so if Im watching it and its a language I dont speak I just look away for a bit, and if Im watching it in german I'll just leave the room for a bit) but uh. they dont, and not only that but they put a gigantic swastika flag on the stage that takes up basically the entire screen and just gives me the worst intrusive thoughts. And honestly, even though this caused my brain to torment me for like two weeks, Im glad they did it because Hass really isnt a song you should try to censor or downplay, you either do it or you just dont even try. Anyway, my point here is, because that alone was SO un-takarazukalike, I was originally going to say that this production was 80% un-takarazukafied, but then I thought about it some more and I was like "well yes, but then they also added that bit to that already-sillygoofy scene where Elisabeth reveals that her dress is hungary-colored to the crowd where Batthany tried to assassinate her at Tod's behest, so. i gotta lower that percentage I think" and thats how I ended up with that number

Anyway, time to talk about some stuff that isnt the tone and how it compares to other productions. I really liked the sets, theyre leaning more towards being symbolic, although I will say that the symbolism felt a bit more simplistic compared to the Vienna productions. Still, how can i deny the sheer effect of just having like half of the stage taken up by three gigantic coffins? I feel like there are so many scenes that were kindof elevated for me because I was just like "ohhhh theyre singing about this thing while standing on this gigantic coffin and it symbolises that death is all around them and the monarchy is built on death and theyre in the midst of this dying era". One example of this is in the Jedem gibt er das Seine scene, they do it exactly like you would expect, they dont do a carousel-thing like the Vienna production, but they put Franz Joseph and his desk and his whole entourage on those coffins and then the mother comes in below them on the stage, and its just so good, I dont know what to say

I dont have too much to say about the cast, it was pretty good all around, the only thing that I can remember rn is that I thought Hanafusa Mari as Elisabeth was a bit off. Specifically whenever she had to be sad, I just never quite bought it, but I did like her whenever she was happy or glad or during Wenn ich tanzen will when she was all spiteful, and obviously her voice was absolutely beautiful. Shirota Yu as der Tod was also great, he plays it like a real freak, he actually reminded me a lot of Matè Kamaras except I like this guy more because I feel like hes not constantly hissing and growling

So yeah, it's a good production that I would definitely recommend checking out if you can

The 2009 Antwerpen Production

I never thought I'd see a version of Elisabeth: das Musical that I would consider to be basically completely uninteresting, but those freaks over in belgium somehow managed to make it

But before I get into that, I want to tell you something about my experience watching this one (and also the Scheveningen one). So, the only languages I can speak and understand fluently are german and english, so I need subtitles in order to understand all of the non-austrian productions. However, I couldnt immediately find subtitles for the Scheveningen prod and I didnt even really try to look for them that hard because I thought "eh, it doesnt matter, i know this musical inside and out and I'll probably be able to atleast kindof of understand the lyrics without subtitles anyway" because in my head I just kinda think of german and dutch as being very similar because germany and the netherlands are geographically close, even though they really arent, so I ended up watching it just not understanding the vast majority of the words. But again, I know this musical very well so it really didnt matter, although I was a bit disappointed because I was expecting to have an interesting experience listening to this musical in a language that I can somewhat understand but that is also clearly not a language that I can actually speak, do you know what I mean? Anyway, smash cut to like a year later and Im on vk.ru looking for musical proshots to download and I stumble upon this one. Because antwerpen sounds kinda german to me I assume its a german-language proshot I hadnt heard of before so I dont look for subtitles and I just watch it as is, and Im very surprised when it is not in fact german. But I feel like I can kinda understand it, so I just keep watching and I end up having that I expected to have with the dutch proshot with this one which I think is flemish (?). I'm not sure, I dont recognize this language and when I looked it up to see if anyone online knew what it was, all I got was someone on reddit being like "idk, its probably flemish" so

Anyway, back to the actual review part of this whole thing. Why do I find this to be the most uninteresting version of this musical? In a lot of ways, its basically just the 2005 Vienna production except flatter; a lot of the physical sets have been replaced by screens, the performances are all good albeit pretty unremarkable otherwise, the few times they deviate from the Vienna production are fine but also unremarkable to the point that I dont feel like going into detail about them, and the costumes felt worse somehow? Like, theyre not trying to have any kind of symbolism, theyre just historical clothes, which, to be fair, none of the non-Vienna productions that Ive seen so far really try that hard for symbolism with the costumes, I think the reason it stuck out to me here is that its otherwise so similar to the Vienna ones. They dont have a mayerling dress which is immensely disappointing for the same reason, and also now that Ive written that out, Im fully realizing for the first time that literally no production other than the Vienna ones has it and Im getting pretty upset. sighhhhh. when will men-crossdressing enjoyers win

Moving on, while I find the cast mostly unremarkable, I do have a little bit to say about them. I really enjoyed the pathetic wet cat vibes that Jan Schepens brought to Lucheni, especially in the prologue where he has that very brief interaction with Tod, although I will say that I dont like how they made him so unaware of the main plot of the musical. Like, during his little narration bit before Jedem gibt er das Seine he has a newspaper and he has to read it in order to remember that its 1854, I know they do this in some Vienna prods as well and I hate it every time. Because the whole point is, hes just been stuck in this endless loop of retelling this whole story since he died 1898 so by the time youre watching this musical in 2009 or 1992 or whenever, he knows it in and out, thats why he seems so goddamn tired in the 1992 version!!! But other than that hes fine 👍

The other person I have something to say about is der Tod, although its not relly about his performance. His performance is like. in the nicest way possible, the reason i would say hes not literally the worst in terms of singing or cuntserving is that 1998Vienna!Tod and Scheveningen!Tod respectively exist. But while I was watching I was really distracted because I keept thinking "this guy looks so familiar but Im 100% sure Ive never seen him before, he just looks like someone else i know, but who is it that he reminds me of" and then when i got to Mama wo bist du, I realized: he looks so much like one of the guys who played Sebastian in some of the black butler musicals, or atleast my memory of what that guy looks like. And I felt kind of embarassed because I was like "ohhhhhhhh ive enjoyed the concept of Young Boy And Fucked Up Non-Human Have A Relationship Which Is Oddly Soft While Also Being Nothing But Red Flags for way longer than I realized huh" And also, OF COURSE i noticed the similarity in that exact scene, good god

Whatever, theres only one last thing that bothers me and that I wanted to talk about and its Wenn ich tanzen will. I dont like how Tod grabs Elisabeth and manouvers her around like that, which, the choreography here is the same as in the 2005 Vienna production, but I didnt fully realize just how much it bothered me until watching this one so Im talking about it here. I was originally going to do a whole analysis about how I dont think it fits the song very well and thats the reason I dont like it, but upon thinking about it, I think it works well enough. Yknow the contrast between Elisabeth being so defiant and refusing to give into him even though its clear that she knows hes right about all the stuff hes saying and her compromising physical position, and also how it lays bare that der Tod has no real power because hes ultimately a manifestation of her wants, thats all pretty good tbh

No, the reason I dont like this choreography for Wenn ich tanzen will is that its sexual in a way that I dont appreciate because the woman is in the submissive position. Its like. okay so, you know those dark romance/romantasy books about a 17-20 year old girl falling for a ~500 year old guy with overpowered shadow magic and having a bunch of sex with him that are really popular right now and also really popular to make fun of? Well, I used to really like hanging out in the making-fun-of spaces until I realized that people were getting really puratanitical about what people are 'allowed' to write and the extent to which authors are 'responsible' for imparting 'good messages' to their 'impressionable audience' which, these books are not usually categorized as YA, theyre pretty clearly aimed at women who are 18 and up and even if they are, teenagers are not that impressionable but Im not getting into that rn which bothered me, not just because I fundamentally dont agree with that, but also because my issue with them is not that theyre presenting relationship dynamics that are problematic in the sense that the age gap is too big or the power gap is too big or that theyre abusive or whatever, but that theyre presenting relationship dynamics that are problematic in the sense that theyre extremely sexist

And like, to an extend this is just an issue with mainstream romance books as a whole which is why I dont really read them, and Im not saying that anyone who enjoys them is sexist or bad, its just that it personally discomforts me to the point of killing my enjoyment in things like large age gaps or crazy power dynamics, which, for the record, I do genuinely really enjoy! I just dont like it when its like "oh the virginal teeny tiny girl whos barely legal gets with the biggest most bigdicked most powerful ancient MALE to ever exist and whos lowkey highkey abusive", but if a book like that came out where the genders were reversed and it was a cute barely legal ingenue boy and an ancient powerful evil woman, I would not only not have an issue with that, I would find it extremely hot. or if it was gay in some capacity which, books that are exactly like typical romantasy books but gay probably do exist, but I dont really see people discuss them as much, so. My point here is, the typical romance/romantasy relationship dynamic just feels like a model of the patriarchy except its two people instead of like, all of society, and I dont like that and I feel similarly about this Wenn ich tanzen will choreography. Like, its not quite the same feeling but I have trouble articulating my exact discomfort with it, so Im comparing it to a different kind of discomfort that I have with something else that I am capable of articulating.

So yeah, its a fine enough Elisabeth production. watch it if you want, dont watch it if you dont want

Aaaaaaaand thats it. I know Im still missing a couple of korean proshots that I havent seen yet because I havent been able to find subtitles for them, so if theres any korean-speakers in the audience who would be willing to make and share them, I would appreciate it. If no one wants to share them, there is a website called lyricstranslate where people can submit translations of any song into any language, and the korean lyrics are on there so if Im really lucky, someone has translated all of them into a language i know and i can make my own subtitles with those. But Im still working on making a subtitle file for the 2004 Budapest proshot (the version thats available with subtitles on the internet archive is hardsubbed and I'd like the option of having softsubs), so thatll have to wait. I also downloaded a video of the 2001 Essen production, I dont know if thats a proshot or a complete bootleg but I'll watch that one eventually too and if I can muster up the motivation, maybe I'll even write reviews for those as well

Anyway, how many of these have you seen and what did you think of them? Please tell me in excruciating detail, I love reading other peoples Elisabeth-thoughts

[tanktopdiaz]

Chris is laughing because, well, what else can he do.

He was pretty calm when Eddie moved to El Paso, all things considered. Abeulo told him theres a big difference between being 13 and being 14, like this piece of your brain unlocks and you learn to think all over again. It's like, yeah, theres this new shelf somewhere in his brain. He can feel these thoughts now - hes been able to do that this whole time, he thinks, but with that new shelf in his brain he can see that both I'm just a kid and I've dealt with so much in my life its irrevocably changed the way I interact with the world. Nothings really just a shrug anymore, even when he tries.

Just a week ago he watched Lego Ninjago with tía Sophia's toddler and it's like his brain pulled out all his knowledge up to that point of the series and he genuinely thought to himself: "are these filler episodes?" On his cartoon? Filler? And there it found itself, sat on that new shelf - this thought - that suddenly this episode could be taken out of the show completely and the final battle would still be breathtaking and the story to get there unfettered. The next episode feels much the same and Chris disengages, nearly hysteric, as Lloyd the ninjago pauses his, up to this point incredible, character development to do a sick kick flip on a dodgeball court. He does another, then runs off the screen and does one more move then ends with a knowing wink to Chris as he slides his little Lego body on that new shelf.

So, his dad showing up and staying in a nice Airbnb - done. Not even on the shelf.

He misses him, objectively, lovingly. Its tense because, duh, but Eddie takes him to the lake and shopping and introduces him to a bbq place that Abeulo said was a total tourist trap. It's delicious, a total trap, and Chris walks away with a Polaroid of them both smudged with sauce and beaming through their ruined bibs. That sits on a shelf on his wall next to a discarded pair of swim goggles. Sometimes its turned down, when his stomach tears in knots and he finds himself unable to picture Eddie without a clouded storm of his dead mother over his shoulders.

Eddie staying for more than a quick trip - fine. He's a grown man, he can do what he wants. Chris isnt grown but Eddie let's him do what he wants. Odd. But oh well. He can see how his dad is so nervous to tell him, the way his shoulders tense and his back is stick straight even in these funny wooden chairs his family's passed on for generations, how he keeps flicking his eyes to the doorway where his grandma is definitely snooping on the other side.

That's the first shelf thought he dares to filed away under Dad. Eddie's not only nervous in front of him, his son, who he's let flee. Hes nervous in front of his parents. His mother. Who he fled from. Is this where he sat when he told them about Chris? Did he twist his fingers the same way - was his back this tense before the army changed him - was Shannon there? Theres a picture somewhere of his parents at this table, exhaustion evident in their figures, with Chris on a little bouncer on the table between them. Did she like this table? These chairs?

Eddie tells him "I'm here, mijo. I cant - I wo - I'm here. I love you too much to miss you, Chris." And theres Eddie, again, filed firmly on that shelf next to the child version of himself who's dreading telling his secrets. Chris can't articulate it well. Instead, he swallows the lump in his throat and nods his head and ducks away when he gets the chance. Voices fill the space he's abandoned and he hears his grandmother's voice grow shrill and he can envision his dad still tense in that chair and he files that away too. Some shelves have shelves, he finds.

Eddie's place is nice, even though he lied about his stay at first. Theres a dip in the shutters on the west facing wall and a few gaps where the caulk wasnt applied properly on the window seals and theres a drawer in the kitchen that pops put from behind the island and doesnt close properly. Both bathrooms have walk in showers and Eddie shows him these minuscule divots in the hallway where the previous owner had rails installed, removed, and covered with cheap spackle. "In case, you know, we ever need it," he says with far less nerves than Chris expected. Files that thought on the shelf. He intends to stay in El Paso.

Not ideal. El Paso is - temporary. Knew that going in. Acts on that even when he's having the time of his life with the vaguely rebellious teens from his new social circles. No plans for the summer under his watch, no sir. Hes got comraderie in chess club with this girl with green hair who's an orphan because I live with my grandparents too, it's kinda lame, isnt it? She invited him to her birthday, tentatively planned for some safari a 30 minute drive away at the end of April, and when he tells her he should be home by that time her face twists up in a familiar manner. Can see her file that information away on a shelf of her own.

So - look - he sees it all in a new light, is what hes saying. His grandparents arent hovering they're worried. Hes not just a kid who's experienced trauma hes a person with life experience some people couldnt find in their nightmares. His dads not difficult hes complex. Hes got layers.

That version of his mother he saw that night wasnt a ghost. Shannon's more than that, and so was she. He cant imagine why she was there, why she looked like a ghost, but some adults cant explain why they choose the everyday things they do - he cant expect either parties involved to sit with him and tell him with clarity why that evening was happening in the first place.

And that thought, it's not - filed away, per say, but it stops guiding his actions. He stops wishing he had an answer the more Eddie picks him up from school, stops pulling that want to understanding off the shelf to admire when he finds Eddie's face in the crowd at chess club. They play among us one night with his cousins and he doesnt even consider using yeah well you abandoned me emotionally as a retort when Eddie (rightfully) calls Chris sus for killing while lights are off. His little alien flies into the vast abyss, unbothered.

Inhibitions, released. Maybe he can learn a thing or two from that silly little alien.

And today - oh, today. Today he's roped his bisabeula into making lasagna. Its not as good as Bucks, another thought hes found on that shelf, but it reminds him of that loft and the LA air and what it's like to stick his hand out of the window to flow with the air during that short drive over. Bisabeula's house is small, two rooms the size of closets decked out with different themed blankets for each great grandkid opposite her own tiny master and a shed out back housing all her prized heirlooms to pass down one day. Last time they were all here, Eddie dug out a rocking horse for tía Sophia's aforementioned toddler.

Eddie's probably hungry. Yeah. And he'd love a reminder of LA.

Bisabeula folds easily, drives him over with a happy little grin on her face, and she idly carresses her course chin hairs - whiskers! his abuela scolds - as she tells him she's got a bridge meeting she forgot about so you'll have to take this in, and I'm sure your dad can take you home later.

Yeah, he wont wait up.

He puts the bag with the casserole dish on the swing on the porch and waves her away as he digs for the spare key in his pockets. No keyring, he just - carries it, totally normally.

Opens the door, finally, and -

Thing is, no quick abandonment on either of their ends. They promised.

So instead of fleeing, Eddie stands. Frozen. Instead of fleeing, slamming the door and therefore all the effort that's brought them here, Chris gapes.

The guy standing behind Eddie, though, arms circling his dad's chest and head buried in his neck - he seems to not get the message. His hold squeezes his father and Chris can see one of his legs between the pair in front. Theres low music playing from somewhere, a Spanish tune he recognizes from his abuelo's shows, and the guy is trying to sway with it. That must be what pulls his focus to the rest of the room, when his head dips a little lower on Eddie's clavicle and he finds the man under his arms stock still and he chuckles, deep but still finding it's way to Chris across the room. "Not giving up now, are you?" He says and then finally comes up for air and flings himself from Eddie's back.

Its quiet, the confusion, even through the hasty movements as the guy - taller than the archway behind them, curly hair cropped tight to his head and decked out in dressed-down business casual - scrambles away from Eddie and gathers his things from the coffee table. He says something and Eddie idles like he has a response but cant form the words. Chris's hold on a crutch wanes a little.

Eddie snaps out of it first - expected - because hes got this guy that's obviously trying not to get too close to either of them as he flaps his hand and babbles to the both of them what Chris can only imagine is an excuse to make this all fade away. Hes mentioning something about Church of all things when Eddie finally pulls his eyes from Chris, flushes even further, and tells the guy to "go out the back. I'll uh - I'll talk to you later."

The guy disappears out the back. The change in pressure makes the front door bounce on its hinges, knocks into Chris's crutch.

The shelf is not stable. In fact, Chris thinks this shelf in particular, housing all things Edmundo Diaz, firefighter, father, has completely vanished. Spilled all these thoughts and ruminations on the floor like a spilled lasagna. He cant stop a giggle. "So this is what we do now?"

Eddie's voice is hoarse. "Chris - I -"

Chris brushes him off, pushes into the house with pointed clicks and clacks on his way to the dining table. "Theres lasagna on the porch." He slides into a seat and shucks off his crutches and turns to find Eddie still there, looking towards the front door. Rolls his eyes. "Its not as good as Buck's but bisabeula made it so you cant tell her that."

That knocks Eddie back to life, for some reason. He retrieves the lasagna, plates up two servings, slides them in the microwave and taps his finger on the counter as he watches them dance around each other inside. Stops every few seconds, takes a breath, and doesnt turn to check that Chris is still there. When they're done the beeping cuts through the room like a bullet and Eddie takes it like a champ, bleeds out as he sets the plates and forks and cans of coke on the table between them.

His back is tense and his face is pinched and his cheeks are red and Chris knows that he wishes he could run right now. It reminds him of when he read his moms letter about why she abandoned him. Sometimes you have to love from far away. They both know how to do that.

God but hes tired of the action.

"I'm not mad at you."

"You should be."

Chris scoffs. "Of all the things I can be mad at you for, this doesnt even tip the scales." That's kind of a lie.

Theres a piece of Edmundo Diaz, father spilled onto the floor that catches his eyes. Eddie on one side, Buck on the other, Chris in the middle miserably losing a round on Mario Party. Eddie's chuckling, his arm is extended behind Chris. Not on his shoulder. Bucks couch doesnt have a high back. Wheres his hand?

"That's - um - okay. Good?"

Chris shrugs. "Its not Buck's but it's alright."

"Mijo." Eddie says it like a prayer. He prays now, sort of. He goes to the church with bisabeula and lights those tall candles around the house. Tía Addie pulled him to the table during a round of bullshit and Eddie went easily, signed the cross when he was given a hand and reminded everyone with a shaky breath that hes not competitive. Total crock of shit. He doesnt know the specifics but he remembers Eddie coming home with all those steaks that one time. Buck cooked them - Eddie was only allowed to sear them. Inside. Supervised. Beaming like he'd caught a golden goose.

"You're into guys, dad, it's not, like, prohibition times anymore. It's fine." Chris takes a long drink from his coke. "Just dont be surprised if I never use the front door again."

Eddie chuckles, rye, and pokes his hunk of lasagna. Tries but fails to look at Chris.

Edmundo Diaz, firefighter. Chris started doing laundry a couple years back, strictly one load a week. Dad caught him rewearing underwear because he had to do two loads, once, and decided he'd never live a life where he needed that again. Small closet, comfy clothes, nothing more. Dad had a small closet but still did laundry every day, rain or shine, on account of the smokey smell. Even when he was at dispatch. He said it lingered.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you, Chris. You deserve - "

"Can we not - "

They both fall silent.

"No." Eddie finally says. "The two of us, kid, we're better than that. I'm sorry I haven't - that I. I trust you, Chris, so much. You're so grown up and somehow you're so well adjusted and I - huh - I am doing my best to be better for both of us. So you can keep being, dios, such a kind, smart, amazing guy. And I can be someone that you trust, too."

He used to just say "You and me then everyone else." That phrase comes to him, shuffles on a shelf that does exist, then settles in the air.

"I should have told you... it was never my intention for this to happen, Chris, god. If you want to get rid of your key you can."

And that's - firefighter, who holds him tight at the end of a long shift. Wakes him up to fried eggs and crispy bacon and sugary mini waffles and still floats through the house like a zombie through it all. Huh.

"I don't want to leave you over this, dad." He runs away once, jeez.

This is all familiar, in ways it's not. His shirt is similar. Chris is ganglier, hangs his body differently, thinks more profoundly. Eddie's none of those - has a solid presence that saves lives, one that used to wrestle with him against his grandparent's wishes and hovered when they tested crutches. Has that stability in him that Chris used to cling to the moment he was home from school and found his father there, ready and waiting. Breathing. Alive. Dumb as a bag of rocks, bless him.

Okay, this is enough.

"Just... can we go home already."

Eddie takes a deep breath. "You just said you didn't want to leave."

"Not!" Chris grasps at his hair, clenching and unclenching. "Not you, dad. Not back to my abuelos and not to bisabeulas, or to tìas or Buck's or the park or where-freakin-ever! I want us to go home." He punctuates the end syllable by syllable, pounding an open palm on the table.

"You - ok, yeah. Yeah. If you're sure. We can start moving some things in, maybe get -"

"This isn't home, dad, this is a shell of a house." His voice echoes in the room.

"This is where I live now, Chris. This is home."

"No it's not."

It's a challenge. They both hear it. Good ole Diaz genes and all.

Eddie's lasagna is pulled apart like hes doing open heart surgery on that table. Chris finished his, somewhere along the line, and their forks are sat in mirroring positions against their plates. If he looks to the left - oh, right. Buck's not there. He's usually already up by this point, to be honest, offering Chris another helping. Hes not at the fridge either. It's still so odd.

Eddie follows his eyes and swallows something.

"I want to go home too, mijo."

"Can we? Please?" Eddie tears up. Doesnt look away. "Dad, please take me home."

Its quick, after that. He's quick - quicker to show and accept affection, quicker to use his words and explain himself coherently and catch onto those looks the adults around him share when they think he's an invalid or something. Its quick and easy saying bye to his friends and its quick when he tells his abuela he's going home and hes quick when he tells abuelo that yes, I'm certain this is what I want and no, dont get rid of my room and hey, maybe we'll be back for a visit this summer. He's still using his old duffle and hes quick to separate his clothes and his El Paso clothes. He hasnt grown that much. Hes not - without.

Dad's slower, but not in opposition to him. His house was barely unpacked so he doesnt need to rush. He calls Bobby just a day later and hes got the job before he's even asked, finishes the call behind watery eyes and in a different room. Buck sent him down with some kitchen gadgets he never used so he has his sisters over to take them away. They drink wine and bicker over a bread maker and say things like shame you're on your way out now that I kinda like you and now everyone in my book club has a gay brother in LA and dont forget us again.

They're almost back to LA and somewhere on the road, Chris finds that those pieces of Edmundo Diaz, firefighter, father are still scattered everywhere.

His dad is right here, though.

[us3rnam3-r3dact3d]

hahahaaaa im not late what are you talking about🧍

this chapter was so TENSE

aughg,, milo and sweetheart are bridged in this universe also you cant convince me otherwise THEY ARE THE DEFINITION OF SOULMATES

"[...] how likely it was that he was pissed off at a corpse." HEY NOW??? CAN WE FUCKING RELAX????????? CAN WE HAVE A LITTLE FAITH????? but also okayy!!!!!! airtags!!!!! i see you!!!!!!!

i was actually surprised when david didn't go w sam, but I prefer it this way. when darlin went/came back from the motel they didn't need a "protector", they just needed someone to be there and hold them steady. they already know everything that david would've told them

and i really don't think they needed that 😭😭 sam tho is ON IT when it comes to darlin, he always knows exactly what they need, when they need it, he know when to lecture them and when to just shut the fuck up and be there LIKE WHERE DO I FIND THIS WHY ISNT HE REAL HOW IS THIS FAIR

LIKE THIS IS WHAT I MEAN WTF ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT YOU WOULDVE DRAGGED THEM BACK AND YOU DONT CARE ABOUT THEIR CHOICE ARE YOU CRAZY BUT I LOVE SEEING THIS UGLY SIDE OF HIM,,,,, this fic is one of the only times i see davids intense protectiveness as a flaw, because at a certain point it just becomes possession and we all know how darlin feels about that!!!!!

WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH DAVID RIGHT NOW?????? WHY IS HE THROWING ARIUND THAY HE DOENST CARE ABOUT PEOPELS CHIOCES???? IS THIS WHAY WHERE DOINGG NOW??????? LIKE I GET IT YOURE STRESSED BUT THATS NOT AN EXCUSE???? bro if I was sweetheart I would've hit him with the NASTIEST right hook mf needs his neurons rearranged....and they didn't even get a verbal apology........bro....don't pmo rn........ and darlin lowkey doing the same thing by telling everyone to get out of their way so they can deal with it themself

geuhh this chapter was so heavy but I have to say it was one of your best for this fic, so many raw emotions so perfectly articulated and everyone felt so violently human it felt like I was there 100/10

-🦀

It's alright Crab Anon, I'm equally late in responding!

It was!!! The next six chapters are soooo full of tension that won't break until the end. I studied horror literature in my degree with special interest and I've been really enjoying employing elements that I learned from that to this piece.

THEY ARE!!! Listen David and Angel might be my favorites, but Sweetheart and Milo are the absolute peak of romance. They truly are absolute romantic ideal. Those are my POOKIES!!!

LISTENNN Sweetheart is a pragmatist. They definitely plan ahead, but they have seen how obsessive partners with violent streaks turn out, and it's often in an episode of forensic files.

David for sure wanted to, but Sam is faster than him. He was about to follow in whoever's car he could get into, but Sweetheart caught him first. Darlin has never needed a protector, really, and that's why they brush so awkwardly with him at times. Sam is good for them because he doesn't try to be anything that they don't ask him to be. And he doesn't expect anything from them in turn.

Sam is PERFECTION bro he's the perfect man. I need him biblically.

David can FOR SURE be toxic when the mood strikes, and it's mostly a reaction to extreme stress. We see that in the Inversion, actually, when he's pissed off at Asher for going to the ward with him. His desire to protect his people supersedes pretty much everything else, even their own autonomy at times. He's usually able to rationalize and know that it's not reasonable to keep people from doing what they want to do in favor of keeping them perfectly safe. But in this moment, he hasn't been sleeping or eating properly. He's not at his best and that means that his judgment is suffering. Something David is going to have to learn is that he has to take care of himself to take care of others.

Sweetheart gets it. They're the same way. They make these same mistakes. They do think that David would benefit from getting popped in the mouth sometimes, but they're pretty certain that's more of the sibling love-hate vibes.

Omg what a compliment my friend thank you!! Violently human made me swing my feet like a school kid when I read it the first time. That is what I'm always going for in my writing. I always say that I'm never writing plots, I'm writing character studies with plots in them. So honored that it's coming across the way I want it to!!!

[rechedeer]

if the marauders were singers/musicians what type of singers/musicians would they be

helloooooajajiaa hii sorry this took me like a month to answer i ve been thinking 😓😝

so this is such an interesting question oakkayais i have a lot of thoughts but warning i dont know anything about music other than how it sounds and like 5 chords so this will all be very abstract ideas that i cant properly articulate or justify

so sirius who obviously comes first because he’s the most important 🥰 see i love the popular vision of, like, rockstar sirius because yes absolutely and that’s also quite consistent with how i view him as a teenager, BUT also i feel like.. idk sirius experimenting with kind of a alt… dark ambient.. haunting sort of genre? like idk how to explain it but essentially ethel cain (💘) . maybe this is moreso about his adult character because especially lyricism wise i feel like that’s the general.. idk vibe?aesthetic?i get from him ✔️ basically music that punches you in the gut and makes you want to cry and throw up because of how visceral and depressing it is and it fits because he’s miserable so yeah 👍 

then james so firstly dont ask me to explain but i have this vision of country james😻 which i dont really want to expand on because it’s inexplicable and based wholly on a dream i had so moving on -> he’s very dominic fike to me which is self explanatory because like yes and also the strongest opinion i have about him as a musician/singer is a reference that 95% people here wont understand (sadly, because it’s so beautiful 😔) but he’s absolutely a gully boy rapper to me like this is it this is who is is to me (its basically a very specific genre of street rapper)

then peter okay so in my gully boy universe peter beatboxes to james’ raps and hypes up the crowd when james is winning the rap battles, but anyway this is like random but peter as a singer is fully a bo burnham-esque satire musician (to me) ☺️😖 

i cant see remus as a professional music in any capacity im so sorry😭 BUT i very much feel like he’d make facebook dad acoustic guitar covers of teddy’s favourite songs for fun and then he’d post them on social media and blow up because this oblivious british 50-something year old man is posting chappell roan casual covers for his son (and seemingly does NOT know what knee deep in the passenger seat means) and if that isn’t the the most precious thing ever?? so he unintentionally gets adopted by the internet  (yes this is based on a few specific internet influencer peoeple who i love very much)

SO yes sorry this isn’t more organised 😪

[moltworm]

watched the wild robot recently, it was a very pretty movie and i liked the design of the robot. i went into it with bigger ideals than i should have for a big brand childrens movie, but i just think that they opened too many doors on big topics and didnt follow up.

complaining under the cut, i mostly just want to write my thoughts down. obvious spoiler warning for the movie

i KNOWWW its a childrens movie i KNOWWWW its a big brand name of COUUURSE it isnt going to be all that i hoped i KNOWWW i shouldnt be looking this deep into it and i KNOWWWW i shouldnt have gone into it with the (externally caused) attitude i did.

but it was disappointing mannn it was disappointing. im going to watch it again in theaters to try and introduce more joy into my heart and change my thoughts but this is all first-pass emotions.

they open too many topic doors without properly exploring them.

duck that is a runt but ends up still being accepted by the flock? Awesome, great! when that duck is an allegory for minority kids, varying as both rep for physically disabled or neurodivergent, and the way he gets accepted by the flock is by going above and beyond and ultimately learning to behave the way they do? baddd. doesn't address that no, sometimes people CANT do things that other people can. almost had "sometimes you have to find a different way that works for you" which wouldve been great but as far as i can tell that was only a transitional point and he DID end up behaving just as everyone else did.

robot that doesnt know how to connect with nature ultimately learning to become one with it?? cool, fun!! when that robot is a metaphor for a minority individual having to drop its original personality in order to survive and become accepted by the community? bad, although i cant weigh in on this too much. loses the fun bits of being a robot. i guess the "original culture" was weirdly intertwined with obtuse capitalism advertising but augh. good to unlearn advertising propaganda, bad to have to almost completely remake who you are just to fit in and give your kid a fighting chance?

expressing that animals have to survive and that means hunting each other? cool moment!!! later saying that you CAN unite them and writing hunting with a negative moral weight and later implying that they can just eat fish and live happily together? aughhhh mannn MANNN. like, okay, animals CAN form really interesting pairbonds. but also hibernation is NATURAL. animals dying is NATURAL. they almost went for it in the beginning but towards the end they backed out. rgh.

it just feels to me like if theyre going for a disabled/minority/neurodivergent metaphor, then those characters that are disabled/minority/neurodivergent are shown as having to Save Everyone to be Liked. The robot has to almost completely Sacrifice Herself for people to end up liking her. They wanted to do too many things and it ended up being a real big tangle all around.

designs are pretty cool. i sorta liked how roz resurrected and named rummage. they couldve done more with the fox and saying "violent raising begets more violent raising" but they Really Already Had a Lot on their Plate. i didnt like the evil robot who was a blatant bait character that didnt even have much "robot" in the personality. i didn't like how they handled robots, i didn't like how they handled animals, and when those are the Two Big Main Bits of the movie, WELL,

im sure that i could be swayed into liking it by someone who does like it a lot and ill probably change my thoughts when i go rewatch it. but i needed to nail down and articulate why it rubbed me the wrong way, as a known robot liker and nature liker.

[memesandmusicalss]

hi i cant properly articulate this right now im. so sososo so tired but. h!bobbys like. stingyness ?? i dont think thats the right word but you get it . when it comes to money (which js reinforced during the podcast ad well they say they tried to add it to his character on purpose because. the actual guy yes. abyways) and then his immediate no hesitation towards the end in that one scene to give the people in the group who are leaving all kf the savings. like. i just rewatched that part and there is. no hesiyation he doesnt even think about it and. hmmmbgdghbgf it makes me so insane it always has it . hrhshfjf his whole character generally like. HE CARES ABOUT THEM im going to throw up again like. throughout the whole show he seems just a little detached and like. hes trying not to care or show that he cares but HE DOES. im goikg so insane he.s my favorite character yes. hes my guy you guys cant have him..sorry if this spiraled a bit into incomprehensibleness but. yknow who eveen cares. anyways yes do you guys see it too or am i rambling about nothing. bye