#cannot tell you much i wish at work i could go up to people and be like 'excuse me... youre being really loud and disruptive to others 😕'

[ame-to-ame]

I know ppl say it out of care but sometimes "you don't have to do xxx yet if you're not comfortable/ if it's not the right time" is so unhelpful especially to me, a little shithead full of anxiety and inability to read cues or the room who needs directions spelled out in the same way you might have been asked to "write directions for how to make a pb & j" in a 2nd grade writing assignment with no self confidence

[brucedefender4eva]

Alfred felt as though it was incredibly inappropriate for a butler to accompany his young master to any sort of gala or gathering so Bruce had to get used to being by himself very quickly at a young age

Due to being left all alone when he would usually be with his parents, Bruce was put in increasingly unsafe situations over and over. Most of the time, there was no safe adult for him to feel comfortable enough telling. And if there was, how would he know they were safe?

He could tell Alfred, but what good would that do? Alfred has told him time and time again that he is his employee, nothing more and nothing less. Alfred cannot help him. Alfred cannot save him

Alfred doesn’t want to

I believe that at a very early age, due to how most of the socialites and rich people are in Gotham, Bruce had to get used to unwanted stares, touches, and advances

And he’s so pretty. He’s been so pretty ever since he was small, even with his parents alive they had to work hard to keep him safe. To keep others away. To draw a hard line in the sand for what is acceptable and what is not. But now they’re gone and he’s trying to keep himself safe. But people always want to touch, take, possess, and destroy pretty things

But all of his children are pretty too.

With all of his kids he makes sure that they’re as safe as can be, unlike how it was with him

The first time that he brings Dick to a gala, he holds the boy the entire time. Dick’s face is mostly tucking into Bruce’s suit jacket, shielding him from the flashes of the paparazzi and unwanted stares. Especially with his ‘exotic’ heritage of being Romani… it’s a recipe for disaster in Gotham

Bruce refuses to let a single person touch Dick, even socialites that he trusts. He knows how quickly someone you trust can turn on you once they realize you’re vulnerable.

He keeps Jason by his side as well. Gotham high society hates anyone who didn’t grow up rich. If he’s not by Jason’s side, he makes sure Dick is. Dick can now fend for himself, but Bruce always makes sure they’re in his line of sight.

Tim has been to these parties before, and considering how negligent his parents were… Bruce makes sure to tell Tim that he would never be mad at him for anything that happened and he is not to blame. That adults should have protected him and saved him. He tells Tim all the things he wished someone had told him when he was younger. They hug and cry about it.

He’s always so thankful that Stephanie never wanted to go to galas as mean as it makes him sound. She never had to be subjected to the cruelties of adults who had no business leering after young girls. Now that she’s older and sometimes pops in if Tim’s going, Bruce knows that they’ll protect each other.

Cass is strong and smart, but she’s also very very new to this life and more vulnerable than the rest of his kids. Bruce wishes he could give her a sense of normalcy. It’s just another thing that’s he failed at.

He knows that if push came to shove, like the rest of his children, she would not hesitate to defend herself. But there should be no shove. She shouldn’t have to. Bruce dances with her all through the night every time she decides to grace a gala with her magnificent presence. It keeps her happy, it keeps her away from harm

His youngest baby is a fire cracker, ready to take on anyone and anything that could possibly be perceived as a threat to him and his family. As much as his other babies joke that he keeps Damian nearby to stop him from stabbing people, he doesn’t want anyone to look at Damian.

Damian is barely older than he was when he returned back to Gotham high society. The only difference is that Damian now has him and all of his siblings. It’s still hard to let go, even if he knows his children are there to keep an eye on everything

Duke is very similar to Jason in more ways than one, epically since he was also born on the ‘poorer’ side of Gotham that most elites loathe unjustly. He’s seen it before, even with high standing black families. Being suddenly accused of stealing a watch or pickpocketing an expensive pearl necklace. Lives ruined simply because of the color of their skin

Nothing like that will ever happen to Duke in his presence. Bruce knows he can’t protect Duke from all the racism in the world, but man if he doesn’t want to try

Bruce has never let his family deal with his issues. He believes he’s simply not worth the trouble. So whenever he gets hit on at galas in ways that make him uncomfortable he just fakes a smile. When he feels unfamiliar hands touching him and grabbing at his body, he fakes more smiles and leans into if there are too many people watching.

Just as he’s about to make an excuse, any kind of excuse to finally get away and take a breather, Dick suddenly pops up in front of him while he feels Jason and Duke slide up behind him, pushing away the elites that had circled him

Bruce makes a soft confused sound, trying to figure out what was happening, but then Damian’s tugging on his sleeve and he already has his baby in his arms. The whirlwind that is Tim and Steph together sweep him away from the confused group of elites.

The group makes their way back over to where Cassandra is smiling expectantly, giggling softly at the confused expression on Bruce’s face.

“Dance with me?” She requested softly, knowing that Bruce would never refuse her. Bruce squeezes Damian to his chest before handing him over to Tim, which Damian surprisingly doesn’t protest

Bruce takes Cassandra’s hand and they dance around the ballroom floor with ease, over and over one of Bruce’s children came and swept him away before anyone else could get the chance

“Don’t worry, we got you Dad.” Dick smiled softly as Bruce spun him around before being passed over to Stephanie and Damian.

“I know.” Bruce chuckled, feeling so safe for the first time in a long time. “I know.”

[jackabbotsfakeleg]

As Above, So Below I Chapter 4- Souvenir

Synopsis: You start the nightshift with Jack Abbot, and make good on that arrangement of yours, but not before learning just how much comfort you both find in darkness Pairing: Michael "Robby" Robinavitch x Fem!Reader and Jack Abbot x Fem!Reader   Word count: 4k Warnings: Discussion of mental illness, suicide attempt, self-harm, mania, trauma, the existential dread of being alive, our favorite sad boys, dark humor, and some trauma. Some explicit references. 18+, MDNI  A/N: This is the sad boy Jack Abbot intro and next chapter will be the explicit Jack Abbot smutfest. Work has been mentally exhausting this week, but if you want to get sad deep in your bones, read this while listening to “Souvenir” by Boygenius, and “Go Home” by Julien Baker. Thank you for reading, I appreciate every single one of you.  Chapter 3 I Chapter 5

Chapter 4: Souvenir

Pulling thorns out of my palm Work a midnight surgery When you cut a hole into my skull Do you hate what you see like I do?

"You should stay."  Robby extends the offer, words attached to an arm around your waist  lips to your collarbone, and the promise to make you breakfast.  Pancakes and coffee

“Next time.” You called an Uber, Pressed a kiss quickly to the corner of his mouth as he lingered in the doorway, and promised to text him that you got home safe. The decision to leave was fully rooted in fear. Not the fear that you’d want more, or that he’d change his mind. But the fear that if he looked at you long enough You’d tell him everything that makes it hard for you to be back here.

Didn’t get murdered by my uber driver. 

Good. Wish you would have stayed.

Gotta ice my back.

Don’t even start.

Don’t miss me too much.

Too late. 

The transition to the nightshift a few days later confirmed what you had known all along: This must be the place. A dark sense of humor; a group of misfits who prefer the moon over the sun; and a fast-paced, nothing-is-off-limits vibe.

You could have guessed, judging by the fact that John Shen was particularly fond of it. And you had been close friends for years. He had been shaped by 3am study sessions that ended in white castle burgers for breakfast, never met an emo night at Brillobox he didn't get dressed up for, and constantly argued about Kid A being a better Radiohead record than OK Computer. He was the poster-child for millennial purgatory - forced to exist in between Gen X and Gen Z, shoulder all the blame, and somehow look nonplussed while doing it. He had been in medical school at the same time you were doing your graduate program, lived in an apartment blocks from you, and had made it a point to be the guinea pig for any psychological assessment you needed to practice. He would volunteer in hopes that he could finally convince his conservative parents that he wasn't mentally ill for listening to My Chemical Romance, and he hoped that the assessments could "provide him papers" to explain his completely unbothered millennial personality. Neither of those two things happened, but he did make for a good wingman who could stitch up the gash in your knee after drunkenly parkouring over a fire hydrant in the Strip District. You kept in touch over the years, through trauma dumping and memes. He truly was one of the perks of returning--an actual no-bullshit platonic friend. 

On the day you started nights, he waited for you outside of the hospital with another mystery Dunkin’, he of all people appreciating the establishment for what it was – an absolute dumpster fire.

"My wife!" He calls out to you, in a perfect Borat voice, arms outstretched, "You ready for nights?" "I'm so glad to see you, even if I still cannot imagine you as an attending." you graciously take the Dunkin from his hand, your finger flipping the badge on his chest, "most of my mismatched scars are from your shitty stitch-jobs"  "First of all, how dare you" He laughs, swatting your hand away "you told me I did a great job. And second, I was drunk, and a medical student." “I really have missed you.” You smile, “And I really am looking forward to the change in scenery.” “The day shift is all suits and stiffs, and we’re absolutely unhinged.” "My kind of crowd. Any hot goss I should know?" You poke an elbow into his side, "Parker Ellis is our ride or die, and I’m still trying to assert dominance with Abbot, so if you see me giving him the cold shoulder, it's because I just want him to love and respect me."

Ellis was already at the nurses’ station when you both arrive, waiting on the day shift hand-off. You set your things down in your office before making your way back to the desk. “A welcome speech for our newest member?” Shen tips his drink towards Ellis. "Always remember the third rule of fight club," Ellis smiles, "just try your best and have fun." "I thought the third rule was that if it was your turn to bring snacks, bring enough for everyone" You correct her, “just happy to be here.” "I wouldn't jinx yourself" she adds, shaking her head, "the behavioral health beds are the star of the show on nights." "Honestly, I never met a five point bed restraint I didn't love" You shrug, "makes me nostalgic for prison." "Where's Abbot?" Shen asks "Haven’t seen him, but you know him, he'll probably just apparate out of a cauldron of bats." Ellis shrugs, rolling her eyes, "Still waiting on the hand off from Robby, but he's been swamped all day."

"Hey, one of you psych?" the charge nurse turns towards the three of you, phone to her ear, "Sounds like there's a patient on the roof.”

"Seriously?" your eyes wide, "how the fuck did a patient get on the roof?" You make your way towards the elevator. “Night shift starting off strong” Shen calls out after you ,”My money’s on Myrna” “Don’t worry she won’t jump” Ellis adds, like it’s comforting, “she just likes the wind in her hair.”

The elevator only goes so far before you’re forced to take the stairs. Three flights; 6 steps a piece. By the time you get to the door to the roof, you’re out of breath, a bolt of lightning shooting down your leg with each step.

You had seen someone jump one time.  The descent of a body from a bridge. You hadn’t gotten there in time,  hadn’t said the right thing,  hadn’t reached out quick enough to stop them. You'll never forget it.  and you still haven't found a way to squash the swell of emotions when you're reminded of it, Even now, tears burn your eyes as you shoulder the door to the roof open.

You expect to see something reminiscent of that traumatic memory a chance to make it right;  A do over;  a success story. And instead, you’re met with silence, the cool air against your cheeks, and Jack Abbot, standing too close to the edge.

“Oh, for fucks’ sake, this your idea of a joke?” You’re out of breath and annoyed. “Took you long enough” He doesn’t bother turning around to look at you, “although your bedside manner could use some work.”  “This isn’t funny,” he hears it in your voice, and you quickly wipe your eyes on the back of your hand. 

When he turns to face you, his expression has changed from amusement of landing a solid joke on your first night, to concern.

“Fuck, are you crying?” 

“You jumping or what?" you ask moving closer to him, so that you’re shoulder to shoulder, "no time like the present."

"Well, it's not funny anymore if you're going to cry."

"I'm not crying" 

"riiiigghhhtt" it's drawn out in disbelief

"I just have 'losing a patient to jumping off a roof' in my eye." you hit him in the shoulder, "thought maybe I’d get a do-over."

"ahh" he nods, "well fuck, I really fumbled that one. thought maybe I could get a laugh out of you, maybe a sarcastic plea not to do it, you know, some theatrics."

"Sorry I ruined your fun." 

"Sorry I made you cry."

"You didn't make me cry," You correct him, "and if you tell anyone that you did, I will absolutely make you cry in front of everyone downstairs."

"Promise?" he smirks, "I could use some public humiliation to keep me humble."

"Of course you could, Doctor Abbot," you shake your head, rolling your eyes, "With your prolonged eye contact and minimal startle response, I bet you haven’t been humbled in a while."

"And? That a problem?” "I find it endearing" you nod, turning on your heel to walk back towards the door, "I will see you downstairs after you're done brooding up here"

"Hey Wheeler?" He calls back to you, “You still good on our arrangement? It is nights after all"

"Come to my office and find out?" 

"We said not at work" he turns around to face you, eyes dark, voice low.

"You said not to let anyone at work find out," you correct him, smile on your face, opening the door, “I can be quiet.”

“With that mouth? Yeah, right.” he shakes his head

You close the door behind you and head back downstairs towards the elevator.

“I was just looking for you,” The elevator opens and Robby’s standing inside, “Jack up there?”

“Yes, just convinced him not to jump” You attempt to make a joke, wincing when you step inside.

“You okay?” He holds the door open.

“Yeah,” you lean your head back against the wall of the elevator, “rushed up here because a nurse said a patient was up here. I just need a minute.”

“You want me to take a look at it?” He steps back inside the elevator when you shake your head ‘no,’ the door closing behind him, and reaches out to tuck a piece of hair behind your ear, “at least let me take a look at you.”

“You know the rules” You remind him, his face inches from yours.

“Fine,” he huffs, taking a step back from you, “I’ll be good.”

The elevator doors open again to reveal Abbot, standing with his arms folded across his chest.

“Really, Robinavitch?” He steps inside the elevator, in between the two of you, “not cool man.”

“I just happened to be in the elevator” Robby replies, hands up in front of him like he’s innocent, “she’s all yours.”

“I just love being objectified at 7pm in the evening, “you speak up, smirking

“I bet you fucking do” Abbot shakes his head, turning to Robby, “Was she this mouthy on day shift?”

“Worse” Robby adds, shrugging, “offered to blow me in her office”

“’Atta girl” Abbot looks to you and you roll your eyes, “I’ll be by for mine around 2am.” 

The elevator doors open before you’re able to get a word in, the two of them exiting to find the rest of the night shift for hand off.  You contemplate going after them, but instead, you watch the shift change play out, taking in the inside jokes between attendings and residents, trying to get a read on what you’ve gotten yourself into.

Ellis wasn’t lying when she said the behavioral health beds were the star of the show on nights.

The first consult came in less than an hour after your shift started

A 17-year-old boy, with a 7-inch laceration from wrist to elbow, reopened from over a week ago, deep enough to need stitches but not deep enough to accomplish his goal. He never stopped crying, not after the pain medications kicked in, not after his parents told him they loved him, not after his medications were adjusted, and not after you sat with him for over an hour reminding him that progress was not linear, and that engagement in self-harm is not a badge of weakness or failure.

The second consult came in fifteen minutes after that – a man initially thought to be unhoused, running naked through Schenley Park.

“Surprisingly not methamphetamines,” Abbot had noted, as you waited in the doorway, watching security staff strap him down into five-point restraints. He fought the entire way, the brute strength of mania alive and well, and you only got spit on once. Once he was down and treated to a cocktail of Haldol and Ativan, he informed you that he was Jesus Christ reincarnated and earned himself a ticket upstairs to the inpatient hospitalization, albeit not as far upstairs as he was hoping.

By the time the third, fourth, and fifth consults rolled around, you were on a first name basis with the security staff and night nurses. It was fast-paced but not unmanageable, nostalgic of the crisis contacts you were used to in prison, but with more reasonable and less manipulative patients. Here, the patients weren’t calling you nine kinds of bitch as you watch them insert a pen into their urethra just to get a trip to the hospital and some opiates. For the first time, since you left, it felt like you were actually addressing mental health concerns rather than attempting to manage behavior for secondary gain.

“You’re clearing psych beds faster than I can fill them,” Abbot barely looks up from the note he’s charting

“Just trying to up that patient satisfaction score,” You reply, “Not sure if any of them are lucid enough to fill out the survey but it’s the thought that counts.”

“Might just save my ass from another impromptu lecture from Gloria.” Abbot replies, a smile spreading across his face

“Is that a thank you?” You ask, raising an eyebrow, “wouldn’t hurt to hear you say it.”

“Thank you Doctor Wheeler” it’s drawn out and a little bit patronizing, but you’ll take the compliment.

You spend the next several hours rounding on the patients on the behavioral health unit, introducing yourself to the nursing staff and psychiatry resident covering nights—the medications to your therapy, and taking stock of the mental health resources on the unit. Everything is outdated, testing instruments, books—you name it, it’s likely from the 1980’s. And all of it was yours to manage, including the grant applications for research projects and the applications for additional budgeting for the fiscal year that had been piling up on your desk. 

It’s nearly 5am when you’re interrupted by Jack entering your office without knocking. He sets down a sandwich on your desk before taking a seat on your couch. You look up from the note you’re working on and watch him. He looks tired, more disheveled than he did on the roof, but still manages to crack a smile the longer you look at him.

“Now who’s got the prolonged eye contact” He chuckles, nodding to the sandwich on your desk, “Have you eaten?”

“I was able to eat one solitary granola bar, while the guy in four was getting strapped down.” You nod, “what did you bring me?”

“A grilled cheese” He replies, a smug look on his face, clearly pleased with himself, “Had to fight a nurse for that, by the way. Figured we could share it.”

“I’m honored,” you split the sandwich, handing him the other half, “Rough night out there?”

“Fuck yeah” he nods, looking down at his hands, “feels like we were drowning there for a minute. And now I’m taking a 20-minute break while the dust settles.”

“A well-deserved twenty minutes” You agree, standing up to shut the blinds of your office, trying to block some of the fluorescent light out of your office, switching on your desk lamp, “better?”

“Perfect” He nods, a smirk appearing, “Now, about that conversation in the elevator.”

“Sorry, all the blow job appointments are 30 minutes” You shrug, leaning against the door, “just missed the window.”

“Bummer” he shakes his head, standing up, “Although, you were the one who said come to your office and find out”

“I did say that” you acknowledge, watching him close the space between you, eyes locked on yours the whole way, “Although you questioned my ability to be quiet”

“You don’t strike me as the quiet type.” his face inches from yours, his hands on either side of your head on the door.

Got him right where you want him, eyes on you, waiting for your next move.

Time to humble the man in front of you.

“Ohhh Jack” you moan, just loud enough that anyone walking by can probably hear you, “Just like that” He clamps his hand over your mouth, pushing your head against the door, a soft thud, his eyes wide.

“Jesus Christ” he whispers through gritted teeth, “are you fucking insane?”

You shake your head against his hand, raising an eyebrow when he doesn’t immediately uncover your mouth.

“You gonna be good if I let go?” He asks, only uncovering your mouth after you nod. 

“That’s what you get” You poke your finger against his chest, “For making me run to the roof.”

The alarm on his watch beeps and he sighs in frustration –his 20 minutes are up 

“Don’t ruin this” He shakes his head, the tiniest hint of a smile on his lips, “You want to get breakfast after work and then you can come to my place and be as loud as you want?”

“Perfect.” You duck under his arm, and open the door, “Pamela’s?”

“Fine, but the original location, not the shitty Oakland location.” He nods, exiting your office and back into the arms of the night shift. 

You make it through the last two hours and it feels like you’ve been hit by a truck. The change in sleep-wake cycles has not been kind and while you’re not necessarily physically tired, your brain feels like oatmeal. The handoff of information to the psychology and psychiatry residents is the last thing on your to-do list, and after you rattle off the last of the orders and updates, you make your way outside, away from the noise. Shen and Ellis are the first to head out, both offering a high-five to you for surviving your first night shift. Jack is the last out, keys in his hand as he spots you.

“You ready?” He asks, “I’ll drive.”

You accept his offer and follow him to his car.

Pamela’s Diner is a Pittsburgh tradition—an absolute legend. Sure, they’ve got the same shit as every other restaurant, but if you’re trying to do it right, there is only one right order: Stuffed strawberry hotcakes and lyonnaise potatoes. It’s cash only, the grill looks like it probably has never been cleaned, and it slaps every. fucking. Time.

Abbot is more than happy to oblige your millennial personality trait of ordering ahead, and your food is ready by the time you two leave work and cross the 16th Street Bridge into the Strip District. You wouldn’t have pegged him --the attending with an affinity for isolation and darkness, as someone who would live here, one of the busiest neighborhoods in the city.

His apartment is similar to Robby’s--an open concept with natural light. There's one huge window in the living room overlooking the river, revealing a perfect view and the ability to maintain privacy. The decorations are minimal, aside from a few well-placed, and somewhat hidden military photos. 

Something you had learned while working with veterans at the VA during practicum was that the celebratory photos and keepsakes rarely, if ever, existed without reminders of the trauma and destruction they had witnessed, and at times, had been a part of. 

Sometimes it felt like they kept them as proof that it wasn’t all for nothing—the beacon of light in the swell of darkness. 

His apartment felt relatively empty, enough furniture to give off the appearance someone lived here, but not enough to feel warm. This was a place to sleep, not a place to live.

You set the food down on the island in the kitchen, already tugging at the plastic knot at the top of the bag. 

“I haven’t had this since I’ve been back” You’re the first to speak since entering the apartment.

“Yeah?” He asks, watching you open the containers, “You one of those people who think Pamela’s Is the be-all end-all of breakfast?”

"We cannot go any further if you are a Deluca’s stan." You narrow your eyes at him, handing him the Styrofoam container, which he accepts graciously "don't malign the lyonnaise potatoes in my presence."

“Wasn't expecting you to be this defensive about breakfast,” He laughs, retreating to the couch, “It’s incredibly arousing.”

"Mostly the hunger talking, but this sleep-wake cycle reset is no joke" You add, joining him “Wasn’t expecting to crash so hard.”

He lets you eat in silence. It's not uncomfortable or awkward, especially after talking to patients all night, but here you are, alone with Jack Abbot in his living room, full of pancakes, and fading quickly.

“Come on,” He stands up and nods towards the hallway, “You need a nap, in an actual bed.”

“I’m fine” You shake your head, “I promise. I did not come here to nap”

“you’re exhausted, and I could also use a nap.” He insists, disappearing down the hallway towards his bedroom

"This where the nightmares happen?" By the time you reach the doorway, he's already laying down, hands behind his head, eyes closed.  He pats the spot next to him and you oblige. 

"You think I'm dark and broody" He comments, a smile on his face, "what other assumptions have you made about me?"

"Not an assumption" you correct him, "that was an observation."

"Oh, come on, humor me. I did just buy you breakfast" he replies, "and even though I’m the one with the prolonged eye contact, you've been trying to get a read on me this entire time”

"Fair," you agree, "I just think you and I are very similar."

"Go on." He states, waiting for you to continue

"Not if you want to keep this thing all surface level bullshit and fun."  you give him the opportunity for an out. 

"Come on, kid." 

"Trauma recognizes trauma" You add, “Why’d you get into emergency medicine?”

“Thought I’d be ready for a change after the years of trauma in the military,” he chuckles, “and instead I found comfort in running right back into the flames. It's a good distraction. It keeps my mind on the medicine and off some of the other stuff."

"Sure, surface level it seems like a commonsense decision to take your combat medic skills and apply them to a hospital," You agree, "but why the ER?"

"I like the fast pace, the comradery, and the distraction" He replies

"You're skirting around the big, bad, terrible thing" you counter, "It's deeper than that."

"I don't know." He’s quiet.

"You do know," you shake your head, "I'm guessing the thing that haunts you is the same thing that haunts me."

"You tell me then, if you've figured it out." 

"You need to take all of that pain and suffering and make it useful." You hear him exhale when you say it, like he's been holding his breath the entire time, "I'm sure over time you habituate to a lot of it, to death, to losing patients. But that pain sticks around, and the deep fucking sadness? that sticks around too. So, you turn it around into something useful"

"A second chance at saving everyone I couldn't" He rubs a hand over his face, "what do you know about pain?" 

"It didn't start when I was stabbed, it started long before that. And I still feel it. The pain, the sadness that's deep in my bones, the fear that nothing will ever change and the blind faith that it fucking has to. It's the pain and suffering of humanity. Of seeing the world for what it is and not being able to turn a blind eye to it. And it's the best fucking thing about me. And it's probably the best fucking thing about you too.”

“Like moths to a flame” he states, “you and I.”

Neither of you say anything else. Instead, he reaches for you,  Pulls you into his side, Your head on his chest. 

Sometimes you just need a person to be quiet with and sad next to

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Divider by @saradika-graphics

Last line is credited to Meg Fee, which has haunted me since the day that I read it on her blog

[rottingghosty]

Haunted Grief | DC X DP

ive read one too many damian & danny are twins fics and where he dies and its giving me ideas and i’m a simple person who must indulge in the pea brain. errors as usual

this is very badly written. i’m going to be busy a lot this month (i live in a town where an event is BIG and a lot of people come) so i’ll try to post as much as i can but i cannot promise.

damian is surprisingly hard to write btw.

☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️

Damian knew that his twin brother would frown at him if he was still alive, he is well aware Daniyal would disapprove of his methods and the treatment he gives Drake. He can feel Daniyal’s hand settle on his shoulder, his head near his ear as he spoke.

“You must be kinder akh, he is an ally.” Daniyal mumbled as his blue eyes narrowed in annoyance and Damian couldn’t help but feel his lip quirk in response. Daniyal still looked the way age as when he had died. The age that Damian had been shipped off to his father.

Instantly his humor disappeared. His brother would’ve thrived in this manor. He would’ve been able to be a son, he wouldn’t have the expectations placed on him that required Daniyal to disassociate to complete the assignment. He wouldn’t have been punished for defying the wills of his Grandfather who wished to snip the bud of weakness in Daniyal so those would not take advantage of it.

Yet despite everything, his akh will never understand what it would mean to be in a family that loved like it was as easy as breathing. Damian is sure that his twin would’ve thrived. He’d bloom under the freely given affection of Richard, the effortless way Drake seemed to understand and crack cases open and such, under Cain’s silent but beautiful moves that Daniyal would desperately try to match. To be seen in such a deadly but enticing manner as he struck fear into those who harmed others.

Thomas and Daniyal would be daytime heroes, would bond over school perhaps or even the antics of the family.

There’s so many ways his twin would have been able to breathe, to flourish is wings and fly freely if they hadn’t been snipped and his corpse at the bottom of the Lazarus Pit from an attack that lost him against the wishes of his Mother and Grandfather. Many believed that the Al Ghuls simply gotten rid of him, killed off the weak link in a staged attack.

Before he was a Wayne, he was an Al Ghul who held his dying brother in his arms after taking an attack meant for him. It had happened quickly, his memories purposefully blurred to protect his own mind from the tragedy that dealt a suffering blow to the Al Ghul family. Nobody spoke of Daniyal. In the League, he did not exist.

Nobody knew his desperate attempts to bring back his akh, watching as the pit bubbled and claim his sibling’s body as its own. Watched for hours hoping for Daniyal to reappear from the waters, the come up for air and complain about how it was disgusting and how he needed a bath and for Todd to read a story to him in compensation for protecting Damian from an assailant when Todd was supposed to be Damian’s protector.

“You’re too cruel, he may not be blood but he is still family. Just like Jason.”

“Tt. Drake should be better then.” He says as he looks away from the injured form of Drake sitting on the medical bed in the Batcave, his teeth aching from how hard he clenched his jaw when they’d hurried to get to him before he passed out somewhere where anyone could find him.

“He is good enough, his brain is interesting. I’ve never seen someone as smart as Father before. He is our brother, just like Dick.”

Damian huffs in disgruntlement at his brother’s words. Daniyal always did enjoy seeing the way people’s brains worked, the way he soaked up information akin to a sponge. His hands always preferred to build and dismantled than to take the life of others.

“Why must I be lectured by your ghost?”

Daniyal’s ghost gives a smile. Damian knows if he tells others that they’d say it was a hallucination. He knows it is. Yet he can’t fathom the fact of it, he prefers to keep it quiet in his own mind. He would rather keep this image of his brother close lest he forgets what Daniyal had looked like, what he sounded like. How he was like.

He’ll let his own brother haunt his mind and thoughts forever if it meant he had a part of him in his life.

“Because you are still punishing yourself for something that wasn’t your fault. Akhi, forgive yourself one day. That is all I ask.”

Damian clicks his tongue and turns away to head up to the manor, leaving behind the figure of Drake and his brother’s ghostly image that stares with saddened eyes.

Forgive himself? Never. Because Damian is selfish in the cruel way he punishes himself.

[flippinpancakes64]

The Cullens with a reader who is afraid of needles but has tattoos and piercings?

The Cullens with a Reader who has tattoos and piercings but is afraid of Needles

Again, you guys manage to clock me perfectly. It’s kinda freaky. I just got a new tattoo the other day but I’m still putting off getting some of my vaccines because I’m scared of them.

Thank you for requesting and I hope you enjoy!

Edward:

He thinks you’re funny

He so fascinated by how your mind works

He went with you once while you got a new tattoo

He was supposed to be there to hold your hand

But you didn’t need it

You just sat there peacefully making small-talk

But then

Carlisle called you into the clinic because you were overdue for a vaccine

Edward thought you were gonna take his hand clean off

He’s tried to talk to you a couple times about how they’re not so different

But you don’t wanna hear it

So he just settles with being there to comfort you every time you need a shot ❤️

Alice:

She finds it hilarious

Definitely tells you that you’re overreacting

But she will still comfort you

She loves your tattoos and piercings so much

But she just cannot wrap her mind around why you seem to be petrified of other needles

Oh well

She teases you for it all the time

But that doesn’t stop her from going with you and holding your hand and telling you how brave you’re being

She still tries to convey how weird you’re being

And how they’re not that different

But even she can see that that won’t work

So she just lets you be you

Jasper:

He may be a vampire

But honestly he gets it

No one particularly enjoys the feeling of something punching into your skin

But it’s easier to cope when you know that you’re getting something cool out of it

Aka a piercing or a tattoo

He understands

So he goes with you whenever you have to get a shot and he uses his ability to calm you down

It makes it easier for everyone

He also may or may not have taken to just asking Carlisle to give you your vaccines when you’re asleep

He can use his ability to keep you asleep

Bada bing bada boom problem solved

Rosalie:

She understands a little bit

But also not really

She remembers getting her ears pierced when she was alive and she absolutely hated it

So she hates needles too

She understands you there

But she doesn’t understand your love for tattoos and piercings

Like obviously she loves her ear piercings and sort of wishes she’d gotten second lobe ones

But the pain is way too much for her

Also she is very reluctant to go with you

She can stomach a lot

But something about needles is a no for her

Don’t get me wrong she will hold your hand and let you squeeze

But her head will be turned the other way

Emmett:

He thinks you’re hilarious

He teases you for it all the time

Likely won’t let up even if you tell him to stop

He just thinks it’s the funniest shit

That doesn’t mean he won’t go with you to be your emotional support and personal stress ball

It just means that he’ll bully you relentlessly afterwards

He doesn’t actually mean any malice behind it

He’s just a jokester at heart

And if you really, really tell him you don’t like when he teases you about it

He might let up every once in a while

Esme:

If she was human, she would honestly be the opposite

In her human life, she could take a vaccine needle like a champ

But even the thought of a tattoo or piercing makes her queasy

She does her best to reassure you of that

Trying to convince you that needles aren’t that bad

But you’re hard to get through to

So she just settles for being there for you

She goes with you every time you need to get a shot

But she stays home from the piercers or the tattoo parlor

Best scenario

Carlisle:

He has a bit of a different approach to this

He knows many people who are afraid of needles

He’s a doctor, it’s bound to happen

Thinks that exposure therapy is the best

He takes you to the clinic with him all the time

Has you sit in on a couple of his patients

And watch them get vaccines

Maybe it works maybe it doesn’t

Can’t say he didn’t try

But he never judges you for your fear

It’s real, it’s valid, and he will never make fun of you for it

Vampire! Bella:

Honestly

She understands

I have a feeling she was really in to getting piercings at some point

But I also have a feeling she never took good enough care of the piercings for them to stick around

So when she was human she had a bunch of scarred holes on her ears

But she gets it

She hated needles

But she loved piercings

Honestly wishes she could get some now

But either way, she doesn’t judge

She understands completely

Supportive queen

[fatuismooches]

More Dottore and Fragile Reader voice lines, except it's your turn this time. A part two to this. Previous voice lines are here.

About Prime Dottore:

"Zandik. My one and only… words cannot express my tenderness and love toward him. I refuse to forget any moment I've spent with him. Not once has he given up on me, despite the times I’ve given up on myself. And he has always taken care of me, not once faltering in over four hundred years. I- I don’t know what to do sometimes when faced with that information. I wish I could be… less of a burden on him…”

About Omega:

"Omega, huh... he is the only segment where I always spend time with completely alone. See, he's not prone to sharing, just like Prime. I don't mind much, honestly, it's nice to get away from all of the noise and be with him. He always coaxes me to be more selfish too... is it a good or bad thing he's influencing me?"

About Alpha:

"Yes, the grumpy cutie I met all those years ago, the start of it all. He says that my presence is a hindrance and it only disrupts his work, but we both know that's false. Often, I like to sit by him as he writes his notes, pointing out all the errors caused by the atrocity of his handwriting... Sometimes, I feel bad using him as a reminder of the past."

About Beta:

"It always baffles me that Beta was once how Dottore acted. I mean, have you seen the difference between 'Mega and Beta? Anyway... he's always such a fun segment to hang around! Even when his assistants cower behind me in fear! Oh, and whenever he goes 'he-he-ho-ho', it always makes me giggle. Please don't tell him I did that impression of him though."

About Delta:

"Oh, Delta's... pretty mean. A really big meanie, if I do say so myself. He never laughs, never smiles, never entertains my shenanigans, always sees right through me... so rude. Huh? Don't worry about me, I'm allowed to talk about him like this. I still love him, after all."

About Zeta:

"Zeta's always so elusive! It was such a pain to track him down at first, he was always avoiding me. I thought he hated me... but once I got a hold of him, he is always so attentive to me! However, it greatly saddens me that he thinks he "failed" me... and yet he doesn't know how much it hurts me more that I've caused him to be like this."

About Zandy:

"Have you met my son? He's the sweetest little thing, isn't he? I remember how shy he was in the beginning, but he quickly grew to be such a dear. Always so excited and eager for attention. I can't help but wonder if Dottore's life could have been different if more people were kinder to him as a child."

About Pierro:

"I will always be indebted to him and Her Highness for taking me in. He is pretty scary to be around, but I feel sort of bad for him. I can't imagine how much responsibility he has... I once promised him I'd work for the Fatui once I'm better, but he didn't react much. Hmph, I'll show him how much I can boost Dottore's efficiency!"

About Capitano:

"The only thing I really know about him is that he's incredibly strong and well respected, at least from other people. The single time I met him, I also learned he was quite well liked by animals too, but it's hard to get any more information when he's so quiet..."

About Columbina:

"Bina is the best friend I've always wanted. I'm glad she's always there for me whenever things go bad. Although I can never predict what she's going to do or say, which is pretty strange, considering who I'm with, that makes her company all the more fun. Still, the amount of embarrassing situations she's tricked me into with Dottore... makes my head hurt."

About Arlecchino:

"I wish we could be closer, but I don't think it'll ever happen. I can't really blame her though, the relationship between her and Dottore is... not the greatest, for reasons I understand. I wonder what she thinks of me, the person who still stands by his side despite his sins?"

About Pulcinella:

"Oh... the little grandpa? I've always wondered how he's the fifth rank, but there's probably more to it than I know. Regardless, I didn't expect him to be so kind to me. I only see him once in a while, but every time he seems to know how I'm doing. And then, he proceeds to give me the best advice, exactly what I needed to hear at that moment, even when it has to do with Dottore. It's kind of scary..."

About Scaramouche:

"Ah yes... the Balladeer. He always wants to start up something with me whenever we cross paths, which is why my patience runs very thin around him. I hope the next time he goes into the Abyss, he gets stuck there."

About Wanderer:

"Who?"

About Sandrone:

"Her research sounds so cool! I've seen some of the things she can create, and it's completely fascinating. I too once had a love for machines back when I was a student. It's just a shame she never comes out of her lab... there are never any chances for me to talk with her. Well, I can always talk with Alpha and Beta about their research at least."

About La Signora:

"I've barely ever seen or spoken to her, but she has my respect. I heard what happened to her husband. If I ever lost Dottore, I'm not sure if I'd be able to go on... or at least be as half as strong as she is."

About Pantalone:

"Oh, Lone's one of my good friends! He always has such unique ideas for me to get back at Dottore, and listening to him talk about his theories quite reminds me of listening to Dottore. He's helped me a lot, dealing with this man. Still... as he does with everyone, I'm kept at arm's length. It doesn't bother me, but I wish I could help him in some way. But I know that'll never be possible."

About Childe:

"Despite being a Harbinger, he's a lot nicer than you'd think. Well, especially compared to the others in the Fatui. He's great at conversation, his family is the sweetest... and he always promises to spar with me once I'm no longer sick. Truly great company. Too bad Dottore's attitude toward him is... less than favorable."

About Furina:

"At first I hated her just like all the other Gods, but after learning the truth, I can't help but greatly respect her. To take on such a burden without having a single shoulder to lean on and succeed in the end... I think I've been through a lot of pain, but at least I've had Dottore and the others to ease it even just a bit. But she had no one, and I admire her will."

About Nahida:

"I try not to waste my time on things that upset me. It's not good for my health."

Sprint Start:

"No, no, I am not running at all. Look, if I get hurt and Dottore finds out it was your fault, you'll be the ones strapped to the table, not me. Hey... I wouldn't mind being in that position, actually."

Chat - Worry:

"I hope that one day he can make peace with himself."

Chat - Old Times:

"Sometimes I wish I was just a simple student again, having no worries other than my grades and pulling all-nighters with Dottore. Actually, that doesn't really sound relaxing, does it?"

Chat - Idling:

"If you're just going to stand here doing nothing, then I'm going to take a seat over there."

When it Snows:

"Would you be willing to distract Dottie so I can chuck a snowball at him? No? How boring."

When the Sun is Out:

"It's a perfect day to have a picnic and listen to him rant again."

In the Desert:

"... Omega, Beta, Delta, I don't care which one of you does it, get over here and make your hands completely ice cold before I faint."

Something to Share - Talent:

"If you ever need help writing something, you can ask me. I wrote some pretty good essays back in the day, you know. Dottore once said I should even write a book! I thought he was bullying me, but he was actually serious, for some reason. Maybe I should get Zandy to draw some pictures?"

Something to Share - Secret:

"Dottore actually has quite a sweet tooth. Well, this probably isn't much of a secret anymore because I accidentally spilled it to the agents, but it would do you good to keep this in mind."

Interesting Things - Foxttore:

"This little guy here? He'll do you no harm unless I say so, so don't worry. He was one of Dottie's failed experiments roaming the lab until he gifted the creature to me! These pufflings too, surprisingly they help me a lot more than you'd think. They're pretty strong, carrying all my things."

Favorite Pastimes - Meals:

"It's time to eat already? No need to worry about me, I'll just wait for a segment. See, it's best for both of us if I have company while I eat. My hands... aren't the most reliable."

Troubles:

"I am very happy that they have a good place to conduct all the research they want, but I wish they paid some more attention to me sometimes. Voicing this complaint over and over again, however, is too exhausting."

Amusement:

"Dottore's fan club never ceases to amuse me. I know every Harbinger has one but... it's completely hilarious. To go so far as creating a handbook about the two of us... well, I appreciate the dedication and the laughs, especially when I update Dottore on their activities. He may not care, but I support them!"

[eviesaurusrex]

Harry Styles x High School Sweetheart!Reader (x Wife!Reader)

summary: Harry and YN were high school sweethearts and are celebrating their 15th anniversary.

faceclaim: Selena Gomez

warnings: none, pure fluff, not entirely proofread because it's late over here and I wanted to finish this before bed

author’s note: My first smau in a very long time. Please bear with me ;_; Disclaimer: The used manips are not mine, and I have not created them—the credits go to the creators (the creators’ names are on some of them). The reader is a classical music composer. Enjoy!

CelebrityStoryWatcher harrystyles just uploaded a new story of him and yourinstagram cooking at their family home in London, England, before deleting it again.

2,318,991 likes | 665,001 comments

ynfan1 How can she be so stunning???

ynandharold the way he made her laugh. "you sure you don't try to feed an entire army, love? who is supposed to eat all of that??" in that over-dramatic tone of his ;_; <3

hsfangirl Who still wants to be YN even after all these years?

Liked by 362 people.

yngirlboss Exfuckingcuse me while I try to process this. I'll be forever grateful for Harry because he makes her so bloody happy

hsfan2 i'm pretty sure this video was meant for his finster :x

↳ ynfan2 oh, definitely. It was gone so fucking fast, I barely could click on it lol

harryisdaddy He's such a simp for his wife. If he could, he would spam Instagram with her pretty face, can't tell me otherwise

ynismommy i love how cozy they both are at home. you can see how comfortable they are around each other ;_;

↳ hs_fineart that just comes naturally when you've been besties since 14, a couple since 16, and married since 26 <3

styles_spotter They have their anniversary tomorrow, don't they???????

annetwist Today, we celebrate your special day. Thank you for making my son the happiest boy ever since the day you two met. Happy anniversary, my loves ♡

978,351 likes | 35,227 comments

hsfan1 not anne making me cry in the early morning hours ;_; look at these two cuties going strong for 15 years! happy anniversary mom and dad!!!!

hs_ynfandom Happy anniversary!

ynfan1 Anne shipped them from the very first day, YOU CANNOT CHANGE MY MIND

hsfan2 my single-heart cries in both happiness and envy. how does someone find their soulmate??? yn really need to write a guide for all those singles out here

harry_and_yn Power couple since day 1!

yourinstagram Thank you so much, Anne <3 It's easy when your son is a literal angel walking this earth

Liked by harrystyles, pillowpersonpp, and 12,886 others.

↳ annetwist You helped turn him into the man he is today ♡

yn_and_harry_haven The way they both started as cuties and grew into the most handsome/gorgeous people on this planet is INSANE. We, as a society, are not ready for their daughter to grow up.

gemmastyles MY FAVORITE SISTER IN LAW. I am forever thankful for having you as my sister—perhaps not by blood, but we are as close as they come. Happy anniversary, lovies! Make him treat you like a queen today

↳ harrystyles I obviously treat her like a queen every single day she walks on this earth.

↳ yourinstagram G ;_; ♡ I love you so much! And he really does <3 I love you too, H

Liked by annetwist, gemmastyles, and 5,209 others.

harrystyles_fangirl this family loves each other so much, i want what they have.

hanszimmer In our years working together, I not only had the pleasure of getting to know yourinstagram both creatively and personally, but harrystyles as well. In those years, I witnessed their love grow in the most beautiful of ways, and not just once have they been my inspiration for certain pieces. I wish you all the happiness for the next 15 years. Happy anniversary to our music power couple!

948,990 likes | 45,628 comments

ynfan1 Being besties with this century's mastermind of film music composition (because he taught you everything) is certainly a flex

yn_fandom imagine mr hans zimmer congratulates you on your anniversary because he grew so fond of you during all the years you were his protégé. AND he likes your husband. my life would be completed. happy anniversary, yn and harry!

hsfan1 Hans Zimmer likes Harry. Love that for our music king!

harrystyles Your words mean so much to me—to us. Thank you! I hope we can dive back into our discussions someday soon. I know YN would love to see you again. x H.

↳ yourinstagram I only can agree with my husband, Hans. Thank you for your wonderful and loving words—and for every moment you gave your all when it came to my training and education. Without you, I wouldn't be where I am today. You're always welcome in England!

↳ hanszimmer I'll never say No to a Styles invitation x

ynismommy for everyone who doesn't know: mr zimmer is the godfather of their daughter! that's how close they are. it's insane when you think about it. this girl (and any future children) will grow up with so much music and love and talent in their genes, they'll conquer the world.

↳ harry_and_yn And their children will probably the loveliest human beings because their parents are (I once met them on a stroll through London and they were THE NICEST, I still think about their kindness)

↳ ynismommy they definitely will! and truuuue, i only met yn, but she's such an angel. harry is probably the exact same because i can't see her being with someone unkind and uncaring

Liked by harry_and_yn, ynfan3, hsfan5, and 56 others.

ludovico_einaudi No one has ever spoken truer words, my friend. Happy anniversary, YN and Harry! May the next 15 years be as wonderful as the last.

↳ yourinstagram Why is everyone trying to make me cry today? ;_; Thank you so incredibly much, Ludovico

Liked by ludovico_einaudi, hanszimmer, and 4,815 others.

harrystyles My best friend. My wife. The mother of my sunshine. My darling love. You have collected so many titles in our time together, but either way, you will be, first and foremost, the love of my life. My soulmate. My muse. The essence of my happiness. You are the light of my life, the sun around which I orbit, the center of my universe, and the guiding star I look for in the sky in moments I am lost. I will forever be grateful for every second of your attention you grant me, for every tired I love you whispered in the darkness before drifting off into sleep, for making me a father and giving me something I have always wished and hoped for.

Thank you for the past 15 years, my love. Happy anniversary. x H.

4,686,998 likes | 1,329,750 comments

hsfan1 The way I am sitting on my couch now, contemplating this post, and knowing I will cry myself to sleep tonight.

yn_stylesforever no one has won in life as much as YN LN-Styles <3

ynfan1 Uhm... A NEVER BEFORE SEEN YN PHOTO?! She looks so happy T_T <3

↳ yn_and_harry my thoughts??????? Harry is feeding us

gemmastyles You, my beloved brother, are absolutely and entirely gone for this woman (and I don't want it any other way). Happy anniversary, baby brother. You deserve nothing less.

↳ harrystyles Don't make me cry, Gemma. YN will never stop teasing me about it. I can feel her watching. x

↳ yourinstagram Oh, you mean like I never forget to mention your tears at our wedding? <33

↳ harrystyles Exactly. xx

↳ gemmastyles To be quiet honest, you weren't any better that day, YNN. And why do I only get one kiss?!

↳ yourinstagram I don't know what you mean.

↳ styles_spotter these three are literally everything ;_;

mitchrowland Congratulations, H. And YNN, of course!! A life without your love can't be imagined ♡

jefezoff Congrats to my dream couple and one true shipping! To more beautiful children and wonderful years

↳ yourinstagram Not too many and not too soon, mind you. Or do you want to babysit Darcy? She loves to keep you awake for the majority of the night :3

↳ jefezoff ... I appreciate my sleep.

↳ hsfan2 poor babies ;_; but we need more beautiful styles babies!

ynfan2 Not me sobbing over those pictures and the fact how fast little Darcy is growing T_T

yourinstagram I love you more than life itself, H.

↳ ynfansite after all this time <33

pillowpersonpp Happy anniversary to my favorite singer and favorite composer!

yourinstagram Harry. Ever since the day Mrs. Merryweather put me on the seat next to you, I knew it was destiny. I knew you'd be my best friend; I knew you'd be my love if I had the courage to act on my feelings, and I knew I'd marry you someday. I just knew. And I was right. You gave me more than I could have ever hoped for; you loved me more than I could have ever hoped for. You, my love, are the best thing that could have ever happened to me, and I thank the universe every single day for allowing me to love you—and be loved by you. Thank you for making me a mother, being the incredible father you are, and raising our children together—with love and kindness.

Happy anniversary, H. To more love, more anniversaries, more happiness ♡

2,701,632 likes | 998,582 comments

annetwist I am so proud of you both for being such wonderful parents to Darcy and always supporting each other ♡

ynfan1 Gosh, today is an emotional day.

↳ gemmastyles My thoughts exactly

↳ hsfan1 Gemma is here D:

harry_and_yn i love how much they love each other

hsfan2 Both treat us with never before seen pictures of each other and I can't handle it. Mustache!Harry still is a sight to behold lol

harrystyles Oh, my love xx

↳ yourinstagram Come upstairs as soon as that call is over. I want to kiss my husband

↳ harryisdaddy YN decided to see the internet burn

ramindjawadi_official Happy anniversary to my favorite composer! Please bring little Darcy and your husband to our next meeting

↳ yourinstagram <3 Will do!

↳ ynfan2 Everyone loves Baby Styles so much

taylorswift I hope Harry is taking over some of those night shifts! Happy anniversary, you two, and let me play auntie as soon as you both need some time alone <3

ynfan3 Seeing them kiss still makes me blush because even on pictures, you always feel their burning chemistry ;_;

harry_and_yn_fandom On the anniversary of our favorite couple, we need to have a throwback to YN's Instagram story of their road trip to Italy a few years ago.

2,681 likes | 548 comments

hsfan1 I was so freaking anxious because I didn't know who was driving holy shit

↳ hsfan2 lol same. Until I realized they were stuck in a traffic jam at the Swiss border xD

Liked by hsfan1 and 21 others.

ynfandom The way her eyes always softened when looking at him <33

hsfan3 Harry felt the playlist on that day—and YN was just happy to be in his presence :3

yn_and_harry to be honest, her story made me realize they would be together forever and ever. Until death do us part and all that

↳ harry_is_fineart Definitely. And the way he took her hand after his solo of Another One Bites The Dust and how he asked her if everything was okay and if she was happy. He's the stuff women write about in romance novels.

ynfan1 Fun fact: I met Harry at a Subway right after the Italian border because YN got hungry and craved a sub and a cookie (and he was pretty tired and wanted a coffee). He stood in line while YN snuck to the driver's seat to drive their remaining route. It was so cute seeing him stand on the driver's side, sighing with a head shake, and submitting to his woman's decisions :D

↳ hsfan4 no way! That's so cute T_T

harrystylesfangirl "You know, I always get to hear you sing without paying for concert tickets." - "I'll always sing for you, my love. Doesn't matter where and when. You're my favorite audience." - "And you are mine, H." Heart eyes ensuing. This video and their conversation lives rent free in my head :D <3

↳ ynismommy I'm sure they are each other's first listeners, even before the crew and their labels.

↳ pillowpersonpp They are. Always.

;

As always: Thank you so much for reading and enjoying my silly little writing. Please consider leaving a like, a comment, and a reblog! <3

[seancekitsch]

Arcane requests you say 👀 hmm...how about a Viktor x Reader with reader as an empress/queen visiting Piltover to learn about Hextech and falls for a certain scientist?

sowwy this is a month late but i rewrote it like three times!!

“You love this, hmm?” Viktor rasps, his teeth grazing over your jaw, “Royalty being taken apart by some lowlife from the Undercity?”

His teeth bite down right below your jaw, hard enough that you know it will bruise. Your brow creases in frustration. 

“I find that talk deeply unattractive, Viktor,” you tell him, your posh accent never wavering, “You’re a son of Zaun, and you’re going to save my people after your own.”

Thats how it began, truly, as something much more noble and innocent. You had shown up to the council room draped in silver a newly crowned young queen from a far off land, shimmering as your quiet voice asked for representatives of Zaun. As it turns out, your father had let innovation move too quickly, and factory smoke now choked yourself and your people. Your downfall is your own, unlike the downfall Piltover had thrust upon Zaun. No one had spoken up at first, and some councillors had even averted their gaze. But all it took was one look, and Jayce had quickly volunteered his partner, whether he wanted to be brought forth or not. 

An hour later, he found himself in the lab, you folded up sitting on top of one of the tables with your legs under you and your dress bunched up on your knees as you picked his brain about how Hextech could be used in air purification, and the topic of Zaun and your kingdom’s survival would be intertwined as you’d throw any supplies or funds needed their way without a thought. You promised them the world, a flirty smile thrown Viktor’s way as you did so. 

Another hour later, he finds himself here. Snug between your thighs with the material of your dress now wrinkled against his waist, his hands in your hair and a ridiculous amount of silver jewelry discarded in a pile beside you on the table as his cane rests precariously on the back of his chair. 

“Ah yes, you wish to see things as you want to, not as they are,” he teases, “Of course, your Majesty.”

This only further infuriates you, as you dig your heel into his ass to pull him even closer to you, grinding down onto him as your lips reclaim his own. You bite, two can play at that game, and drag your hands across the back of his vest. 

“I see you as you are,” you say, exasperation and annoyance not hidden in your tone, but anything you were about to say gets cut off, a moan interrupting your thoughts. Viktor seizes the opportunity to thrust his tongue into your mouth, silencing anything besides the pretty moans that he licks from you. 

He cannot pinpoint what started this: your lingering looks as your honeyed words dripped silver onto him, or the hunger that sparked in his fingers with the way you spoke of Zaun in reverence and hope. Maybe it was him, actually, with the way you had practically pounced on him the moment there was quiet in your otherwise very spirited conversation. 

But he can’t think about that right now, not when you’re licking his pulse point and your deft fingers are working at the buttons of his shirt.

Until Jayce opens the door, and you pick yourself up off of his lap and back into your own chair. If his partner was surprised by this turn of events, he doesn’t show it.

Viktor doesn’t miss the mischief in your eyes when your eyes meet his again. 

Days pass in the lab, but the fire between the two of you never subsides. It’s everything, the way he runs his fingers through his hair, the way he gets so engrossed in a logistical issue, the way he and Jayce work so fluidly with one another. Everything about the Zaunite drives you wild. 

It makes you almost preen with pride, the way the two of them look at you every time you up their budget or tell them to try it. You know Piltover’s council has a budget for them, but with no limits? They are working harder and working faster than they have in years, as they’ve told you. It’s easily intoxicating, the enthusiasm and pure joy between the two of them, the way they share it with you, the way it wafts through the room. Mel Medarda floats in and out, and she too is drawn in by the excitement. Your reserved penthouse is neglected, as you spend most of your time here, your royal guards and servants given time off with a budget to explore the city as you become more and more enraptured into their work. 

“And different alloys, they affect how the hexgems output energy, yes?” you ask, and the men respond in turn, “I’ll figure out how cheap I can make a workable alloy so that Zaunites and my people alike can all afford it.”

You say it so easily, because it is easy for you. You’re glad your brother stepped aside. Raised as the Infanta, you expected your only aptitude to be valued in a marriage bed. Your crown prince brother a gambler and cruel hearted, but not stupid, realized quickly the crown was not for him. His crown for a lifetime salary was an easy choice. You had always excelled in lessons, had always been the messenger and wine pourer during your father’s meetings with his council. You had been raised a sharp politician despite the fact that it was never meant for you. To think, had he been selfish in another way, you would have never seen this. 

Now you’re excited, a real opportunity to change things within your grasp. Your partnership with Hextech is clearly advantageous for your kingdom, however thats not the part of it that excites you the most. 

Viktor’s hand falls upon your thigh, his calloused palm against the lace of your dress. The movement is absentminded, as if he’d done it a million times, as if the movement is natural. Oh! Your cheeks heat up in a way that feels immature, only worsened by the way that he only smirks and goes back to the conversation with Jayce, as if his action is commonplace. All thoughts are silenced besides this feeling. 

The more you get to know the men of progress, the more you struggle to understand why they are so underutilized. Piltover and Zaun could be at peace in literal hours with their ideas. But you know politics, and you know no one spoke for them before Jayce. He doesn’t belong on the council, you think, not because he isn’t worth the merit but because he is wasted there when he can do this here. Viktor is a mad genius, wild but subdued, fanatic but contained, chaos wrapped in a soft tone. 

The days run long, and you bring Viktor back to your penthouse with the promise of sleep.

Sleep does not come, at least not before you do. 

“I’m only a twelve hour ride away in an airship,” you tell him, his lips dragging across your bare back. He kisses along every inch of skin he can reach, the moonlight the only source to illuminate his path. 

“And when do I go on this royal journey?” he teases, his hand firm as he drags it up your hip to settle at your waist. 

“Whenever it suits you,” you whisper, now closer as you claim a kiss from him.

“When it suits me,” he repeats, his tone hard to decipher. 

“Viktor,” you start, sitting up. Viktor shifts instantly with you, hanging off of your shoulder now as his arms circle your waist and pull you in.

“I am not making you,” you mumble, confidence fading away with each passing second that Viktor doesn’t speak. His head falls to rest against yours, lets out a deep sigh you feel more than hear. 

“I want to come visit you, often if possible,” he admits, his lips close to your ear. Warmth blooms in your chest as you turn in his grasp, your noses bumping together as you meet his gaze.

“You do?”

“Come into my lap,” he tells you, and you crawl over his frame to straddle his thin thighs. The sheets pool around your hips, exposing you to the moonlight. It feels a lot like the first night, all unsure and needing hands, all limbs feeling numb and weird and wanting. 

Viktor’s lips find yours, warm and pressing and harsh and clumsy. He kisses into your mouth with fervor and ferocity. His teeth graze and bump your lips, bruising and biting and sure to leave scarring and you return it in kind. It is less a dance of mouths, more an awkward sparring, but it fills you with heat just the same. His hands move down your body, pulling and grasping and squeezing at your hips, your thighs, your ass. 

“Be careful,” you whisper, pressing your chest to his, “I may just try and keep you.”

Viktor chuckles, and lays back against the mattress. You follow him enthusiastically.

[fel-09]

Hi there! I love your work! Had a request! Reader grew up on the streets and they are not used to having a home or not used to getting something without strings attached. And so they get very uncomfortable whenever things are offered to them without earning it.

How would Thranduil handle this? Having a partner that gets overwhelmed if they are offered anything that seems expensive and will get uncomfortable if they are given a lot of food with no need to earn it.

Sorry, you probably expected a different format, but I'm a little sick and I wrote it in this version. If you want, I'll rewrite it.

"I have another way out of this situation. "

Thranduil x Reader

1. A Gift with a Challenge (So the Partner Feels They Earned It)

Thranduil notices that his partner refuses expensive things—be it fine clothes, jewelry, or even too much food. Instead of forcing them to accept his generosity, he takes a different approach.

He hands them a dagger—an elven blade, perfectly balanced, with intricate carvings on the hilt. It is a gift, but he presents it differently:

"The Lord of Mirkwood cannot allow his companion to go unarmed. Take this. But since you refuse to accept anything freely, I expect you to learn to use it properly."

This way, the gift becomes something the partner must "earn"—not in Thranduil’s eyes, but in their own. Meanwhile, Thranduil gets the chance to train them or simply watch as they master elven techniques.

2. Accepting Food as a Ritual, Not a Charity

Elves do not simply eat to sustain themselves—their meals can be seen as rituals that bind their people together. Thranduil might gradually introduce his partner to this culture, avoiding the feeling that they are receiving handouts.

One day, when they refuse food again, Thranduil merely hums in amusement:

"No one begs for charity in my halls. You sit at this table because you are my companion. We do not eat alone here, and you will not honor me by rejecting the meal."

By shifting the context, he transforms food from an act of charity into a shared tradition, something expected rather than something given.

3. Support Through Duties, Not Pity

Since the partner is not used to receiving anything for free, Thranduil can give them responsibilities that make them feel valued.

If they have a particular skill—be it craftsmanship, combat, or strategy—Thranduil might say:

"If you do not wish to feel like a debtor, then watch over Legolas for me. He can be too reckless at times."

This way, the partner does not feel like a recipient of kindness but an essential part of Thranduil’s world.

4. A Test Through Symbolism

Elven culture is rich in symbolism, and Thranduil might use this to make his care more acceptable to his partner.

Instead of offering something luxurious, he could give them something meaningful—perhaps a piece of cloth with his house’s emblem, a mark of belonging.

"This is not wealth," he tells them when they hesitate. "It is a sign of home. I do not give you gold. I give you a place among us."

Thus, the gift is not an object of luxury but a token of acceptance.

[roboticchibitan]

I've been thinking about voter suppression since yesterday. Specifically about ID requirements to vote, because I got a notification in the mail yesterday that my license expires on my birthday and it's going to cost $129 to renew. And according to the DOL I can get a reduced fee card for $25 but it's unclear if this is a license or just an ID card. When I look around the DOL website it refers you to the department of social and health services but a search of their website turns up NOTHING about this program so I can't figure out if I can get a license for a reduced fee.

Not only that, but there's two types of ID cards in Washington, regular IDs and "enhanced" IDs. An enhanced ID is required for re-entry into the US at land and sea border crossings. Starting in 2025 it'll also be required for domestic air travel. Even if I were to get this discounted card, which may or may not be a license, if I want it to be an enhanced ID I'd have to pay an extra $7 for each year it's valid. Washington does 6 and 8 year ID cards. So if I want to be able to go anywhere by plane, I am paying at least $67 for an ID card that, again, I cannot tell if it's actually a license or just an ID.

I really wish a percentage of that $129 went towards a fee waiver for enhanced driver's licenses. I would gladly pay for that. Because this is outrageous. I could get a passport for that much money.

And you know, to me, if I just needed an ID to vote and nothing else, $25 is doable. But to some people it's not. The most vulnerable people in society shouldn't have to choose between eating and being able to vote.

Requiring ID for voting is a form of voter suppression that affects the most vulnerable in our society. The people who need the most help. Not to mention the fact that voter ID laws disproportionately affect people of color.

Expand voting access! Enable voting by mail! And while we're at it, incorporate ranked choice voting!

If you want to support efforts to expand voting access, vote.org is a bipartisan independent charity organization working on that front. They score highly on charity navigator. They also have an easy tool to double check that you are still registered to vote because there's a history of people's registrations being purged. So it's good to check and I recommend you do.

[supernova41st]

Hiiii can you do some tf2 x drunk/sleepy reader? I need sniper comfort rn. You write so well, I wish I could devour it.

Roses are red, I’m going to bed 🌘

Tf2 x Sleepy!Reader

A/n: this request is pretty yum, also I CANNOT have 3 day weekends. I literally just ruined my sleep schedule on those three days I’m dead 😵

Warnings: Alcoholism

Divider by Cat Kitsune on Tumblr

Spy

Will not hesitate to force you to wake up or go to bed, he can’t a snoozy hoe on his team

If you have messy bed hair he’s always prepared to brush it. He firmly believes that when coming to work you should look your best.

“Ow! Stop you’re gonna pull it out!!”

“Oh enough whining, you’re fine.”

Proceeds to pull a whole knot you had in that bird nest you call hair

Showing up in your pajama pants? Not on his watch. He’s always bringing a spare of your uniform

“Here, put this on”

“Cmon spy I’m really tired, can I just skip this one?”

“No, you said that last time and ended up sleeping in the middle of battle because you ‘felt too comfortable’.”

He’ll slap you awake, don’t doubt him, he will.

He mostly does it whenever he’s giving out one of his little speeches, he can’t stand it when people don’t listen to him

“If we don’t do this mission right, we might as well kill ourselves now.”

snore

“sigh I’ve had enough of this girl/boy.”

You’d be lurking around the kitchen getting your midnight snack, then he just suddenly pops out of nowhere scaring the shit out of you

Will try to offer you an espresso to wake you up or get you sober but you didn’t enjoy it

Sniper

You sleepy fucks.

Ok but he’s always taking care of you, he doesn’t have much going on in his little world so he’s always able to cut some time to bring you to bed

“Cmon mate, let’s go”

“Nooo, just one more shot”

“There are no more shots, you finished the bloody bottle.”

He tried giving you coffee but you puked in his van because this motherfucker served you BLACK coffee

“I’m so sorry Snipez! I’ll make sure to scrub it clean so that it doesn’t smell”

“No worries lad, it’s on me for draggin’ ya into me van”

Oof, and here you were ready to get the daylights knocked out of you for making his van smell like sour liquor

Of course he forgave you mostly because he loves you, but he also relates to you on the sleepy note

If you guys even sit next to each other then one of you guys are gonna sleep on the others shoulder

You better be a heavy sleeper tho, his snores are LOUDD

If you guys sleep in the base soldier wakes up in the middle of the night, screaming how the enemy team is shooting missiles at the base

However it’s a rare occasion since for the most part he lets you sleep with him in his van

even if it can barely fit him

Whenever you pass out with your head laying on a surface, he’d put his hat on your head because he thinks it’s cute

“Heh, sleep well love.”

Medic

Don’t pass out around him, just don’t

Long story short Demoman passed out in his presence once and stole the Scottish guys liver to test the effects his experiments would have on you and demo since you guys drink a lot

He’s so surprised how you have so much energy on the field and immediately pass out as before you can even change out your uniform

“BRING IT ON YOU BLUEBERRY BITCHES”

You’d pass out in the middle of battle

He offered to do some experiments on you to see how he can give you more energy to stay awake but you declined because, duh.

Once you just took your daily hour long nap and the first think you saw when waking up was a pair of brown eyes staring at you

“Ah, you’re awake. Vell my job here is done.”

“Medic please don’t tell me you did some shit to me.”

“Vat? Nonsense!! I just watched you sleep for a bit.”

“..I think I’d rather have you do the first option”

[momoswifee]

Peaches and a Broken Car

Pairing: Mina x reader

Synopsis: Mina decides to take some time off and when she goes to her parents' house, her car suddenly breaks down leading her to meet Yn.

Warnings: The reader has abandonment issues and tbh I think that's it for now.

w/c: 5558

a/n: I've been working on this for a while now, I'm planning on making this a mini-series? I'm really excited to finally put this out and for you guys to read it! Again, I really appreciate criticism so that I can do better next time, so if you have any, please let me know :) Also big thanks to @cry4mina for their amazing brain that helped me figure out what to do with this story :)

Pt1- Pt2 - Pt3

Mina had always loved the art of performing. She found the idea of immersing herself so much in a character that she could be able to portray characters and tell their stories just by using her body language and facial expressions in a certain way fascinating. 

She loved the way she could tell stories of people for thousands of people to see, it was something she was very proud of. However, the fame that came with it was something that she wished was not part of this ordeal. Fame was something that many always wanted to achieve, the idea of being adored by many and of being an idol to others was for some their life dreams. However, Mina never wanted a loud and busy life, she had always preferred the quiet aspect of it. 

After finally finishing filming an adaptation of “All the Lovers in the Night”, which she considered to have been one of her most challenging works, she was on her very much-deserved holiday, which she planned to spend with her parents, who had recently moved to a quiet little town just an hour or so away from the city. 

“...turn left in 300 meters” 

Finally, Mina thought to herself, after hearing the GPS’s directions, showing how close she was to arriving at her parents. 

Suddenly, she hears a clicking sound before the car starts jolting.

What the hell?

Suddenly, the car comes to a halt, letting out a whooshing sound as a small cloud of smoke come out from its hood. 

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” she mutters as she gets out of the car after trying to park it as much to the right as possible. After a minute of silence, she tries to restart the car, in hopes it wakes up.

A glimmer of hope forms inside her as she hears the car slowly start before the familiar clicking starts again, making her turn it off, knowing she wouldn't go anywhere with that car soon.

Fuck

After the failed attempt at restarting the car, she decided to get out and see if she could call for car support so that she could get over this as quickly as possible. As soon as she’s out of the car, she's trying to call for support but soon notices that her battery is running out, making her dial the number as quickly as possible. 

“No no no no no” she mumbles as she watches her phone die. “You have got to be kidding me” she almost screams in exasperation. 

I cannot believe this is happening right when I decide to go on holiday, she thinks to herself sighing. 

After a while of sitting on the hood of her car, taking breaks from trying to restart her car long enough to connect her phone so that it could charge a little bit more to call for assistance, she sees a ball of white fur bark and run towards her. 

“Hi buddy!” she exclaims when the dog adorably walks up to her, pushing his head closer to her tight as if to ask for pets, making her laugh and crouch down giving him her full attention, slightly compensating for all that had happened until that moment. 

“Otis!” Mina hears from the direction the dog had come, assuming the voice as being the owner’s. “You can’t just run off like that.” says the voice, slightly off-breath as it approaches them. 

“It’s fine really!” Mina says, trying to sound reassuring, “He seems like a good boy…” she trails off as she looks up, meeting your gaze. As she looks at you, she feels her shoulders instantly drop, as if every ounce of stress accumulating in her throughout the day had vanished.  

“I’m sorry, he really just ran off as soon as he saw the car here.Is that your car?” you ask her as you leave Otis in her grasp to check it out.

“Uh yeah, I guess it had some engine problems? It never had any problems before, I was not expecting it at all” she answers, still upset at her car breaking down so near her parent's place. 

“If I could, I would totally help you out, but I’m not that good with my hands when it comes to cars,” You tell her sheepishly, “I do have the contact of a mechanic in town who could probably figure this out with no trouble” you add for Mina’s great relief. 

“Really? And do you think they could come today?” she asks with a hopeful tone. 

“Hold on, I’ll give them a call,” You tell her as you take out your phone to quickly call the mechanic. After the short call, you walk back to deliver the news. “It shouldn’t be long before they get here, they said they would come in maybe 20 minutes since it’s not that far.” You explain, making Mina feel like a big weight had been lifted off her shoulders. 

“I don’t even know how to thank you…” Mina says, smiling softly at you, making you laugh. 

“It’s fine, Your car will be in good hands too, don’t worry,” You say, shrugging. “You know…I really wouldn’t feel good with myself leaving you here alone though… would you like to come to the farm while we wait? It’s totally fine if you don’t want to!” you say, quickly adding the last bit, not wanting to make her feel uncomfortable. 

“I’d really appreciate it.” Mina says, smiling at you relieved, knowing that she’s going home soon.  

As you both walk to your house, you attempt to make small talk to avoid the awkward tension, learning that Mina is going to be spending her holiday time with her parents, in search of peace and quiet. 

After arriving at your place, Mina notices that you live on something alike to a farm, but a little smaller. As you wait by the porch, playing with your dog, Mina has the opportunity to check your little farm out, taking notice of the various fruit trees you had. 

She learns that you had once been a Hockey player in the city but due to a knee injury, you had retired and decided to come back to your hometown to help your parents with their business, eventually leaving it to you. 

After a while, the mechanic finally shows up at your house, with the car already towed, honking to call for your attention, making you smile instantly. 

“Hey pretty!” You say, getting up quickly to greet the person driving the car. Said person getting out quickly as well in time to greet you properly with a hug. “Mina, this is my friend Jeongyeon, she will be taking your car to the shop and give you a ride to your parents since it’s probably on the way.” You explain, detaching yourself from your friend, who gives Mina a small wave to greet her. 

“Well, I hope you have a good rest.” You say, guiding her to the car with Otis on your tail trying to get more pets from his new friend. 

“I’m sure I will.” She says, leaning down to pet Otis for the last time before she leaves.“Thank you for letting me stay here while I waited for the tow.” 

“Of course, it was really nice having you here.” You say, smiling shyly at Mina. 

Honk 

“Hey, love birds! It’s getting dark, we should really get going, so I can drop Mina off and close the shop in time!” Jeongyeon calls from the truck, making you both blush at her nickname. 

As she gets in the truck, she sees you waving goodbye and then remembers she had forgotten to ask you for your number. Before she can get out to ask, the truck is already getting out of your house. 

After a short-ish and quiet drive, she’s finally home. When she opens the door, her parents come rushing to hug her, worried because of the calls that went unanswered by her. After letting them know what had happened, she just went straight to bed, too tired to keep them company for much longer. 

As days go by, Mina has finally begun to feel more and more at ease, more in contact with herself. One day, as she’s preparing lunch, she hears someone knock at the door. 

“Mina, please get the door!” she hears her mom call from outside. 

When she opens the door, she sees a surprising face on the other side. There you stand, carrying a crate with a mix of fruits and vegetables, wearing your hat backward, sporting a small smile on your face. 

“Hi”

“Hi”

“Please come in” Mina hurriedly says, not wanting you to carry such a heavy-looking crate for too long. 

“I didn’t know you were the Myoui’s daughter.” you say as you enter the house and put the crate by the table. 

“Yeah…” she answers, still a bit surprised to see you there 

“I come here once a week to deliver fruit to them since the crate is usually a bit too heavy for your mom to carry” you explain, not wanting to seem like you just like to pop up to people's houses. 

“Thank you for that,” she says, touched by your consideration. “She told me that this week we’d be getting the fruit delivered, but I guess I forgot what day it was coming.”

After an awkward silence from both parts, you finally ask her how her time there has been, if she had her car fixed.  “Oh yeah, thank you! They already have the car ready to get picked up. I’m going this afternoon.” she answers, grateful for the break from the awkwardness. 

You only nod at that and give her a small smile, and you two get awkward again and stay silent for a bit, not knowing what to say. 

“Yn honey hi! Thank you so much for bringing the produce!” The older woman says, going to hug you. 

“Of course, I’m always happy to help!” You tell her with one of the brightest smiles Mina had ever seen, making her instinctively smile as well. 

After exchanging pleasantries, you decide to go back to work. As you’re almost out the door, Mina follows you, not wanting to let you go without asking you for your number.

“Yn! Wait up!” Mina says, following as you’re almost inside your truck. 

“Yeah?” You say, peaking your head out of the car, almost hitting it as you rushed to see what it was that Mina wanted. 

“I uh, I wanted to know if I could get your number?” Mina asks, suddenly shy. 

“Yes! I mean, yeah, sure, of course.” You say, trying to act nonchalant as you quickly hand her your phone.

“Let’s keep in touch, yeah?” Mina says as she hands you the phone, giving you a big gummy smile, making your insides melt. You’re only able to give her a nod, unable to answer her verbally. 

❂

“Did you just giggle?” JIhyo says, barking out a laugh as she sees you staring at your phone after receiving a message from Mina. 

“What are you talking about?” you ask, rolling your eyes. “Did a puck hit you too hard on the head?” you joke, trying to avoid talking about your shameful giggle at a text from a girl you had just met. 

“Hardy har har” she says, rounding the corner and following you as you move through the furniture looking for the renovated table Jihyo had ordered. “You can’t just lie to me, I know you like the palm of my hand! Jeongyeon back me up??” Jihyo says, turning to her friend for support. 

“Hm? Sorry, I was not paying attention at all. Can we speed this along, though? I have a job.” The older one says, putting her phone away as she moves to meet the other girls in the middle of the furniture maze. 

“Who were you texting though” Jihyo insists as she picks up the end of the table to carry it out.

“Oooh was it the girl I picked up from your place?” Jeongyeon joins in, teasingly wiggling her eyebrows at you. 

“A girl?” JIhyo says, almost dropping the table. “Why am I the last one to know about this?”

“There is nothing to know about.” You tell them as you slowly put the table down, ready to put it on Jihyo’s car, ready for her to stop pestering you. “She had trouble with her car a while ago, so she stayed at my place while she waited for Jeongie to pick her up to take the car to the shop. Since she’s staying here for a while, we decided to keep in touch-” you try saying, but are cut off by teasing “ooohs” and whistles from both girls. “Just as friends!” you quickly add, rolling your eyes. 

“You know it would do you some good to get out of the house,” Jeongyeon says, bringing you closer when she sees you trying to get away from their teasing by going back to the shop. 

“I do get out.” You say almost indignantly, making both of them snicker. 

“You getting out of the house to go to work or to go to the farmers market does not count. You don’t even visit some of us in the city as frequently.” Jihyo says, already getting inside the car. “You don’t giggle at texts, you’re a loser, but I’ve never seen you like this. If this girl does that to you, you should give it a try, even if you’ve only known her for a short while. Get to know her.”

You only mumble in agreement, not wanting to commit to something yet. After Jihyo leaves, you try sneaking off into the store, knowing Jeongyeon will still try to talk about what had just happened. 

“Nope, come here.” She says when she sees you slowly backing away, pulling you by the hand to sit on the bench outside your store. “I know this is scary, you don’t like getting close to new people-”

“I do like it-” you start 

“Let me finish,” she says, cutting you off. “It’s good for you. We get together often, but since you came back you’ve been pulling out of social interactions. Mina seems like a sweet girl.” She continues, holding your hand gently. “I’m not saying you have to make a move, you’ve only known the girl for what? Two weeks?” she asks, getting an inconclusive hum from you. “Just get to know her, she told me she’s staying here for vacation when I drove her to her parents. You can make a new friend.” she says, ending her little encouragement speech. 

“You sound like my mom.” You grumble. 

“I’ll take that as a compliment, I love your mom.” She says, patting your head as she gets up. “I'll call you later, ok?” She says, already walking away. 

It’s not that you didn’t want to get to know Mina better, you’d like nothing more. Even after days of texting back and forth, sharing jokes and facts about you, you were still hesitant about letting someone else in. 

You sighed and looked at your phone, still open on the messages app with Mina’s text waiting for your response. 

Do you want to meet tomorrow? I can’t wait to see you again :) 

You smile down at it before finally answering. 

I’d love to. I can’t wait to see you too :)

❂

“This one almost fell off!” Mina says excitedly as she puts the peach inside her basket. 

“Yeah, they’re good to go right now, I’ll probably take them to the market this weekend.” You say, chuckling at her enthusiasm. “You should be careful though, if you pick them out with too much force, some parts that will get spoiled more easily.” 

After your friend's visit, you decided to invite Mina to your house to create a more intimate environment so that you could get to know her better without any stress from people being around. 

"Oh, look at this one! It’s you!" she says laughing, holding one out for you to see. 

You move closer to her, trying to see what she means as she points at the fruit. 

"You know, cuz you're a peach." she says, maybe in an unusual attempt at flirting. After a moment of silence, she turns away from you and goes to another tree to get away from what had just happened. You only stare at her with a dumb smile on your face, completely infatuated by her. 

“Are you flirting with me?” You ask, moving closer with a cheeky smile on your face. 

“Me flirt- flirting? Why would I- No of course not” Mina says, stumbling over her words as she moves further away. 

“Why did you call me a peach, then?” You ask chuckling, finally able to be close to her again. 

“Well because you look like one.” She says shrugging, looking away, not wanting to make eye contact. 

“Yeah, cuz we share oh so many similarities.” You say, tilting your head, trying to look at her. 

“Yeah, both round and red.” she says, shrugging, making you bark out a laugh. 

“You’re saying I’m round and red?” 

“You’re insufferable” she huffs and turning away again, only making you laugh more. 

“You can’t say I’m insufferable, we’ve only known each other for two weeks or so” You exclaim, still laughing. 

“Would it be bad if I was?” Mina finally stops, turning to you, and looking into your eyes. As you look at her, you find yourself unable to form any words, this seeming to be becoming a recurring occurrence now.  

You only shake your head no and move closer to her. You see her tense up as if she had stopped breathing, and unconsciously do the same. As you get closer to her, you’re now able to check ever single detail on her face, every single line, every single mole. 

“It would not be bad at all” You say, almost whispering with your voice shaking, as you adjust the straw hat on her head as it was slowly falling forward. 

“Yn!” you two suddenly hear, making you both hastily make some distance between each other. 

“Mom?” You call out, having recognized the voice, moving towards the sound, taking Mina’s hand in yours to follow you not noticing her almost freezing up at the contact. 

“Hi baby” she enthusiastically says, with open arms ready to engulf you in her arms. She, however, stops mid-way when she sees you holding hands with an unknown girl. “Who is this?” she asks, with a mischievous smile forming on her face. 

As soon as you realize what she’s talking about, you feel your face heat up, realizing that you were holding hands with Mina. Quickly, you let go of her hand, not wanting to make her feel comfortable, too embarrassed to notice the slight look of disappointment that had crossed her face as you did so. “This is Mina, she’s the Myoui’s daughter.” You explain, weekly gesturing to the girl beside you. 

“Well, it’s really nice to meet you!” your mom says, going to hug Mina, surprising her. 

“She’s always like this” you mouth to her when she looks at you for help. 

“Don’t run from me!” You hear as you see Otis speed away from your father, who’s chasing him. 

“Dad, stop pestering Otis.” You say, sighing, going in the direction your dog had run. 

“It’s not pestering, he loves it!” The older man says, before spotting Mina. “And who is this?” he says with a curious gaze and a little smile playing on his lips.

“This is the Myoui’s kid.” Your mom says, introducing her, and instead of a warm hug, he instead offers a warm smile, one too similar to yours. After a bit of short talk, and your parents wanting to start sharing stories about how you were as a child, you volunteered to walk Mina home. 

“They seem fun” Mina says as she walks by your side. 

“They’re pests.” You say fondly, not being able to contain your smile. 

“I’m glad we could do this today…” Mina says, sneaking glances at you, catching you doing the same from time to time. 

“It was really fun, yeah.” You say with a smile. Out of nowhere, a gust of wind hits you both and sends Mina’s hat into the field. “I’ll pick it up don’t worry.” You assure her, trying to chase it. 

“You don’t have to!” She calls after you, going after you. 

“I want to, stay there, I’ll be back in a minute.” 

After no longer than 5 minutes, she hears a thud and a groan, making her look your way, only to see you holding her hat looking quite disheveled, with furrowed eyebrows grumbling. 

“What happened?” she asks worried, seeing small tears on your pants.  

“I didn’t see the roots” You mumble, dusting yourself off with your free hand, before offering her a beaming smile. “I got your hat though! Here, let me put it on,” you say, dusting it off of any dust it might have before adjusting it on Mina’s hair again. “There.” You say, smiling, finding yourself in the same position you both had been in before your parents had come home. 

“Thanks” Mina mumbles, looking away, not attempting to make eye contact. 

As you both continued your walk, you could feel your fingers brush hers, making your face erupt in flames. You decided to look at her, sneakily and found yourself breath taken. It wasn’t just her shy smile that had your knees trembling, but also the light coming between the trees and how they hit her skin, how her eyes gained a new shine as she watched the birds chirping above you. You would never admit this out loud, at least not to her, but even though you had only known her for such a short period of time, you were absolutely smitten. 

“We should do this again,” Mina says as she steps on her parent’s porch. “I had fun.”

“Yeah.” You manage to get out, fiddling your fingers. “I’ll text you?” you ask, receiving a nod. “Yeah, I’d like that.” she says, getting closer to you. Before you can process it, Mina kissed your cheek and was already inside the house. 

❂

“We've actually been hanging out a lot, even if she's working too. Last Tuesday she took me to the lake, we spent the whole day there. But now she won't even answer my texts” Mina sighs, not knowing what to do.

“Well you've already tried talking to her, I'm honestly not sure what else you can do.” Sana, her friend, says through the phone. 

“Well, yes, but I actually thought things were going well.” The girl continues, pacing around. 

She knew that she couldn’t expect anything romantic out of this relationship, at least not at that moment, but she did think that your relationship was progressing in that direction, and she was happy about it, there didn’t seem to be any problems until you suddenly stopped answering her texts and only came by her parents place when she wasn’t there. 

“I’m not sure what to tell you, honey, I wish I could offer you more words of comfort, but it seems like this all came out of the blue so…” The older girl says. 

After a long talk, Mina decides to come down, only to see a very familiar crate full of veggies and fruit sitting at the table. She realizes then that Yn had come over to deliver the produce as usual, managing to avoid her again. 

“Mina hi! What can I do for you?” Jeongyeon says as she gets out from under the car she had been fixing, oil stains all over her. “Is your car giving you trouble?”

“Not the car, no.” Mina answers with a dry chuckle, looking around.

“What happened?” Jeongyeon asks, cleaning her hands, and guiding Mina to her office so that they could talk more freely. 

“I just…” she started, frustration settling in. “Is Yn alright? Has anything happened? Was it something I did?” Mina ends up asking, rapidly. 

“Hey no what?” Jeongyeon says, holding her arms, trying to calm her down. “It’s not you, ok? You did nothing wrong.” She says, trying to reassure her. “Yn has a complicated relationship with people. Has she told you about her retirement?” She asks getting up, getting a cup of water, and giving it to Mina, but only getting a negative nod as a response to her question. 

“I’m not sure whether it’s my place to tell you about all the details, that’s something Yn should tell you if she thinks she wants to. She had it pretty rough with her team after her injury, it hit her pretty hard.” Jeongyeon says, sighing after remembering how everything had impacted her friend. “After her injury, some people on the team started blaming her, people that were supposed to have her back, people that Yn trusted a lot. After that, she got too much in her head and started self-isolating. Those people leaving her, blaming her, made her start to think that others would do that too.” She ends, frustration lacing itself into her tone. 

“I didn’t know…” Mina says, almost in a whisper. “That must have been tough.” 

“It was, she has been trying to get out more and get better, but you know how these things are…” Jeongyeon says, searching for understanding in Mina’s eyes. “I know it doesn’t excuse her keeping you in the dark, but I hope it at least explains it.” 

“It does, but I still want to try and talk to her.” Mina says, getting up, ready to see if you were at your shop. 

“Yeah, but if you want to try today, you won’t have any luck. She went to the city, she’s hanging out with a friend.” Jeongyeon says, guiding Mina out, almost apologetic. 

“I’ll see if I can catch her at the market then.” Mina decides, gaining a nod from Yn’s friend. 

As Mina walks home with this new information she starts to understand why you had done what you did, however, she can’t help that she felt hurt by those actions. She decided that she had to confront you, to ease her mind and also in turn ease yours.

A couple of days later, her mom had decided to go to the market so Mina took that opportunity to go see you. When they arrive, they see you at your stand with your dad and waste no time to go over there. 

“...yes, Yn only started producing this type of tomato this year, but I really like them, especially in salads, they really bring out the taste…” says your father, engrossed in his tomato talk with a possible customer. “Mina! Hi!” He suddenly exclaims as he notices her presence. “I haven’t seen you in a while, have you been enjoying your time off?” He asks, after making sure the other customer did leave with the tomatoes he was so enthusiastic about. 

“It’s been great yeah!” Mina answers him with a tight smile, more focused on Yn and how she’s suddenly checking every single peach on the stand for defects. 

“she’s really been able to relax more, she works too hard”

“Do you come here often?” comes out of Mina’s mouth before she can stop herself, feeling silly since she is literally at her stand. There is a small victory since a small smile shapes itself on your lips unintentionally. 

“Yeah…” you say, not wanting to prolong this conversation, too scared of where this might go. 

“How have you been?” Mina tries again, not feeling deterred. 

“Eh I’ve been alright.” You say, offering her a small smile, but looking away almost instantly. 

“Are you not going to ask how I’ve been?” Mina says, trying to meet your eyes, finding them guilt-ridden. “Well, I haven’t been that great. My friend, or at least someone I thought was my friend, stopped talking to me and has been avoiding me. I’m not sure if she’s doing it because of anything I did, but she won’t even answer my texts so I can’t really know.” Mina finally lets out, unthinkingly letting out her frustrations on the situation as well. 

“No! No. I- It was not you, it was all me. I get too inside my head and end up pushing people away. This is no excuse, especially since I’m not even explaining it well, but I am still sorry Mina.” You quickly say as you fiddle with your fingers. 

“You know, I wouldn’t have left.” She says, after a silent moment. “I texted a lot, I would think that that was an indicator right?” she says chuckling trying to lighten the mood, making you smile slightly relieved. “You do have to make it up to me…”

“I’ll do my very best,” you tell her, now smiling more openly. 

❂

As time progresses, you two end up making up, and you start visiting the city more because of Mina since she had returned to work. 

Knock Knock Knock

“Coming!” Mina yells from the kitchen, hurriedly going to the door, not knowing who could be at such a late hour. Once she opens the door, she is pleasantly surprised to see you there holding a bag of takeout with one of your big smiles on your face. 

“Hi” you say, already going inside, not wanting to stay out in the cold. “I brought take out from that place down the road.” You explain, already going to the kitchen with a familiarity Mina hadn’t noticed until now, but still a welcome one. As you both ate, Mina started realizing that the silly infatuation she had felt over the summer had evolved into a full-grown crush, and suddenly she didn’t know how to act. 

“Do you want to watch a movie after?” You ask her with a mouthful, which was honestly disgusting, but for Mina, who found herself realizing that she was unbelievably down bad for you, it was somewhat endearing. 

“You’re so gross.” She says, with no sentiment behind it,  a love-sick grin starting to spread on her face. “You choose, I’m cleaning up the dishes.” She says, getting up quickly not wanting you to see her smile like that. 

Once she returns to the living room, she finds you already sprawled comfortably on the couch with Spider-Man on the screen waiting for her to press play. Once you were both comfortably watching the movie play, you decided to explain to her little details that could help her better understand the plot and the reasons behind some behaviours of certain characters, and even though she had tried so hard to pay attention to those details, the only things she could focus on were how your eyes lit up, how you knew all about this fictional universe and how invested you were in it. 

“...and that’s why-What?” You ask, finally noticing her unnerving stare. 

“You’re such a nerd,” she says softly, her voice filled with adoration, making you flush under her gaze. “Tell me more about it.”

“Do you actually want to know?” You ask her, laughing, knowing she was probably not paying any attention to your side information. 

“I like listening to you talk.” She shrugs. “It’s cute. I might have to try and get a Marvel contract, maybe then you’ll talk about as me as passionately as you talk about Peter Parker.” She says, inching closer to you, with a teasing smile, and at that moment you thank everything divine for not being too close to her, or else she would’ve felt the heat emanating from you, from how flushed you were starting to get because of this banter of hers. 

“Do you think I’d make a good spider woman? Hm?” Mina says, feeling more confident after looking at your state, already so close, she could see your chest rising rapidly. “I’d let you try out the iconic upside-down kiss…” she finalizes, feeling a surge of confidence she normally didn’t feel, as she gently turned your face towards hers, getting closer and closer, already being able to feel your ragged breath mixing with hers. 

“Mina…” You breathlessly whisper, following her lead, your mouth opening slightly, not being able to stop your eyes from following her every move.

She only hums in response, tilting her head slightly to kiss you gently on the cheek, lips so soft you could’ve missed them. Instead of stopping there, she starts to slowly trail little kisses in your mouth’s direction. As she’s almost there, her eyes find yours as if asking for permission. You don’t even try and answer verbally, knowing full well you would not be able to do so, instead, you just let your hand go to her nape and gently bring her closer to you, letting your lips finally meet in a soft kiss. As you try to deepen the kiss, you feel her smile against your lips, making it impossible to do so. 

“What are you smiling about?” You ask, still impossibly closer, lips almost touching, not even wanting to think about putting some distance in between both of you. 

“Nothing” she simply says, pulling you in for another kiss, sharing the same thought of not wanting to be apart from you a minute longer. 

[mani-craft]

my manifestation journey: how I found the trick to succesful manifestation

I have been manifesting for a couple of months and my friends told me it might be a fun idea to share my stories and experiences to possibly help other people or give them hope. I found this to be a lovely idea, hence why today I want to tell you how I found the methods that work for me.

When I got into manifestation it felt like I had to stick to one method, follow it the exact way it is written down, and then it works. But after two weeks of not seeing my manifestations in the 3D yet I came to the conclusion it wasn't for me. I realised manifesting is something personal, so personal methods will work best. I shouldn't stress on every little step being done perfectly, I should do what works for me. I started doing this with the whisper method; instead of saying something in each ear a specific amount of times I just did what felt good and warm to me. I followed the warmth of my body as the confirmation to see if something works. It didn't take long for me to see my first results (a day or two).

After a couple weeks I found the whole method thing to be too much of a hassle to me. Even though you don't do that much, it was still too much for me, so I looked up some things and ended up at LOA. The law of assumption seemed lovely but it felt, at the time, as something I couldn't achieve. At first it went good and bad, some things worked and others didn't. And it took a long time for me to realise it was because I was overcomplicating things and constantly strongly holding on to wanting to see it happen, or to know how something is going to happen. After a month or two I finally let go. At first I picked things to manifest that weren't that important to me; if something is fine if it were to happen, but fine as well if it didn't, it's easier to let go. I got my manifestation in less than 20 minutes. From then on I started manifesting bigger and bigger things, things that seemed unlikely or straight up impossible. And it all worked.

I did have a few slip ups here and there. I started to worry about forgetting my manifestations because I let go that much. I knew deep down that wasn't really the case, but it felt like it sometimes anyway. I looked up other simple ways that could possibly help and ended up with robotic affirming. If I say something a lot in my head I cannot forget, and I thought 'even if I did forget I have now printed this wish in my brain as fact, so it won't matter'. Robotic affirming has given me all my manifestations in under two days so far.

Now I still mainly use saying something once, deciding that it's fact, continue on with my life and see it show up. Sometimes, when I feel like I need more 'control' I switch it up to robotic affirming. For me, finding the ways that feel best for me and switching it up to not feel 'stagnant' is what did the trick. That is what I want to advice all who read this as well: look at your needs, what you seek in manifesting itself, do you want to spend more time on the act itself, or do you want to not pay that much attention to it at all. By feeling what you want from the connection to manifestation itself you will find the path that is most succesful to you. Don't feel stuck in certain ways, try things out, be creative if you want to be, don't if you don't want to. Do what you feel like you should be doing, and that is it. You do not need to listen to anyone else other than yourself.

[scaredofbrits]

having the afton men as your bosses

william afton & micheal afton hcs

nsfw headcannons will be colored red.

william afton ✦

• he was a very serious man, to say the least. he didnt want any of his workers to see him act like a goof.

• "none of you will be prepared for the real world if you cannot behave correctly at your job."

• but then you came along. and every bit of respect he had for his reputation was shattered. not with other people, of course, but with you.

• instead of seeing william as your tough boss, you saw him as your literal reason to wake up everyday.

• and to him, you were his pretty little assistant. his good girl, even.

• sometimes, he'd give you extra work just to see you everyday.

• and other times, that work would lead to staying at the job extra late.

• once you would finish all that hard extra work, he'd reward you in various ways.

• "you did such a good job for me." he'd grin as he fingered you with all his power and speed.

• "my slutty little assistant fucking herself on my fingers.."

• his praise and degrading could drive anyone crazy for more.

• when you two would have sex during work hours, he'd tease you about noise the whole time.

• "shhhh, you don't want all your friends to know how cock thirsty you are.." and he'd cover your mouth.

• he made more than sure to fuck you so rough that your moans were extremely loud, and youd leave his office embarrassed.

• but what you didnt know was that the walls were soundproof. he just liked fucking around with you.

• nothing surprised him more than seeing your whore side for the first time. and oh did he love seeing it.

micheal afton ✦

• he was super sweet to all of his workers. bringing gifts, joking around, and being kind overall was his specialty.

• "how did you all sleep today?" he'd say over the intercom with genuine curiosity.

• once you had become his assistant, he could not resist you. a different side of him came along. a more needy one.

• he was always buying you gorgeous flowers every single day. and even though you were his assistant, he demanded nothing from you.

• and since he was an amazing conversation starter, you'd usually be found sitting on top of his desk talking to him.

• when your shift was over, he'd always say "time goes by so fast, doesnt it?" and that was his trick to make you stay.

• "a few more minutes, please? i'll do anything, gorgeous, please." was his other go to.

• he loved seeing you on top of his desk like you owned it. and he also loved seeing you mess around with his name plate on the desk. just fidgeting with it.

• and he wished youd fidget with him. just use him and treat him like your little fuck toy.

• one time, you wore a skirt to work. and of course that pervert kept sneaking glances at your revealed thighs and panties. those sights made his cock throb.

• and when he got horny? oh you were in for it. so much begging. "touch me please please please. look at how hard i am baby, please."

• "its okay if you dont wanna touch me, i'll touch myself and you can watch. tell me thats okay mommy. please."

• it was definitely hard to say no, especially with those puppy eyes he'd give. he acted like you getting rid of his boner was the best thing to ever happen to him.

• and when youd suck him off occasionally, he would absolutely lose it. he loved your mouth so much and he felt the need to repay you the same way.

• if you pleased him a certain way, he'd try his hardest to make it up to you the same way. suck him off? he'll eat you out. hand job? you get fingered.

• at the end of the day, all he wanted to do was be a good boy for his gorgeous girl. sometimes flowers didnt feel like enough to please you, so he had to try other ways.

[baobaojng]

Celeste (Jeong Jaehyun) - part two

celeste (jeong jaehyun)

jeong jaehyun (king jaehyun) x (afab! princess) reader

themes: slowburn, angst, fluff, (eventual) smut + fantasy au! + pleeeenty world building as we go along

some notes on this chapter: reader is kind of a martyr, jaehyun's sexual history is mentioned... lots of longing and disappearing (my favorite trope haha)

☼ summary: in the land of Celeste, the King of Sol has waged war to bring back his beloved, war only stops when one day you return— but the secrets only begin to unfold. 

a/n: i do not permit the use of this fic for anything else. this work is mine and mine alone. these premises and characters are entirely fictional and do not intend to paint anyone in a bad light. 

©2025

wordcount: 12,113

part one, part two,

author's masterlist

one month into the Age of Sol, in the Kingdom Gaia:

Jaehyun did not want to do this.

This was the last place he wanted to lay siege, the gates of your kingdom already affected by the gloom of decay. The war happened so fast, and it was burning through every kingdom even faster. 

It was to his curiosity that he made sure Gaia was left untouched since the first month of the war, but it looked like war had already paid it a visit.  The cobblestone they were passing through already full of grime where it was once pristine and polished— only signs of wilted plants scattered around where the landscapes were typically so beautiful. The kingdom of life once boasting everything of the word now the complete opposite. 

He despised this feeling. 

Every decayed turn and step toward the castle, held now seemingly distant memories of you guiding him through your kingdom when you wanted to whisk him away from the palace and into town amongst the common people. The two of you hiding in ridiculously large caped outfits, the hoods somewhat effectively disguising your identities.

Now he could only imagine your laughter, the sway of your hair as cascaded through waves that snaked to your hips. It seemed that he would no longer be able to smell jasmine and sandalwood, not in this Gaia. Not anymore.

“You understand why I have to be here?” Is the first thing Jaehyun asks when he sees your father. Both of them disheveled, looking up at each other like broken men.

“I don’t suppose you expect me to give up the autonomy of my men to join your campaign in war.” Your father says to him, and it ignites only a little bit of anger in Jaehyun.

“I don’t suppose you are much so interested to get your daughter back—“

“If she has gone I am not kneeling to your crown because I know this is not what she would want!” Your father finally breaks his composure. 

“Do you not wish to see her again?” 

“Of course I wish to see her again! Do you think that I am no father? Every day I think about seeing her again, even her mother. I’ve suffered more loses than you think.” 

“Then you must understand that I only waged this war against Okeanos because Muhan was the last person seen with her.” Jaehyun pleads, but your father seems to have his own resolve.

The older man sighs, “No. I cannot join you, my son.” 

Jaehyun does not respond at the mention of the endearment, instead he leaves your father to continue.

“I simply cannot. I love my daughter too much to allow something I know she would have not wanted. Truthfully, I see myself in you– so dangerously consumed by love - but it is the flame and the light in you that burns differently. When her mother died, Heavens know how much I wanted to avenge her, how much I wanted to take it out on any man or royal that questioned the depth of my grief.” He pauses, looks at Jaehyun.

“You know the one thing that stopped me? It was seeing the fear in Y/N’s eyes, knowing I was so willing to take life to answer to the loss I was facing.”

Jaehyun imagines you, a motherless child - the only pillar of hope left for your father.

“My son, believe me when I tell you, she would not have wanted any of this. There are reasons things have happened the way they did, and you have to trust that she will make her way back to you when the time is right. But please, allow me the peace of not being part of this war.”

Jaehyun leaves Gaia, not a soldier added. When he looked back at the kingdom, it all suddenly decayed as if centuries have rapidly aged it, he knew your father had been behind it.

The Kingdom Gaia lay into a hibernate state, life is stagnate akin to a seed waiting for water to spring back into life. In one swift transition, Gaia then ceases to exist for the rest of the Age of Sol. 

And now, the King of Sol was left with more questions than answers.

four years before the Age of Sol, in the Kingdom Gaia:

“Should there be any more… concerns about our correspondence with the Kingdom Luna?” You ask your father, who has sent a materialized message to the said kingdom.

“Not so much is cause for concern with Luna, it is the process that irks me. It is too tedious.” He says, closing his eyes with two fingers pressed into his temple. It was true, because Luna was not considered much an actively participating kingdom in Celeste - it meant that being able to communicate with them was a bit of a hassle.

Before much else can be said, your Knight Hendery of oh-so perfect timing chimes into the study. “You have a,” Hendery begins, not sure how he will explain, “there is a, delivery? Yes, a delivery of sorts.”

“Sorry, am I to hear you correctly?” Your father asks Hendery who seems just as confused.

“Yes, from the Kingdom Sol.” 

Your father looks over to you, not having to know  more to imagine that it was King Jaehyun who had sent you something over. He did not have to know that your little attachment was turning into something, this he knew for certain. 

“Then it’s for you.” Your father then says flatly, but then it is your turn to be confused. Sure you and Jaehyun had been going back and forth sending letters to each other, but never did he mention anything about sending anything.

Hendery then perks up, the poor knight subject to the awkwardness. “It is actually for you, your royal highness— I mean, both of you are royal highnesses, but it is for you, King.” 

“Bring it in then.” Your father says and it takes Hendery’s signal for footmen to enter, carrying a large golden cage with an ever so peculiar creature inside.

It was its peculiar squawk that drew your father’s attention, the reds and oranges of the birds so majestically capturing. 

“Are you certain this is for me?” The King of Gaia asks Hendery who only nods.

“A phoenix,” you say, not believing what was delivered to your father’s study, “is that… real?” The bird coos at your voice, obviously favoring your presence. 

“It seems just about real.” Your father observes that even Jaehyun’s gift for him had a fondness for you.

This is what happens over the next two weeks, everyday a new gift arriving from Sol right into your father’s chambers. A new rare relic, a large almost impossible to carry weapon forged from the sun, an elixir that supposedly slows down aging (that you caught your father drink almost immediately), new furs for his closet, and countless other things you did not even bother to look at. All of them arriving day by day without fail. Jaehyun still never mentioning or explaining the sudden influx of gifts.

Throughout this time you notice that your father and the phoenix form an insufferable attachment, the animal following him throughout the entire day. It seems they even have silent conversations as your father goes around the kingdom to observe in his limited times of silence. 

The last thing delivered, an envelope on a golden plate. No more did your father want you in the same room when he realized it was a letter from Jaehyun directed to him. 

That was the only gift he kept to himself.

-

“You must rise and make haste.” You wake up the following day from the booming voice of your father who forced your curtains open, revealing the early bright rays of sun into your room and directly onto your face.

“Whatever for?” You complain, rubbing the sleep off your eyes.

“Prince Mark had sent you an invitation to one of their getaways to set up camp and enjoy the terrain of the mountains, did he not? I believe the dreadful event begins in a day, and traveling to those awful mountains takes just about that time.” 

“But I thought you did not want me to go, you never usually entertain the idea of Prince Mark’s part in the social season because you say their choice of area is always so grim to travel to.” You say, it’s always been the reason why you never really travelled to the Kingdom Hermes. 

“Well this time is a different time we live in,” you only now notice that the bird sits on his shoulders, but it has less feathers than you grew accustomed to and it seemed a little sickly, “maybe I am putting faith into this year’s trip.” He simply says.

“And you want me to be in attendance?” You make sure you’re understanding the situation correctly. There’s something about your father’s calm demeanor that scares you; he’s usually a worrywart about these things. Especially after you had fallen ill.

“Precisely.” He says. “Now please get ready before I change my mind.” 

You sit up abruptly only to ask him one thing before he leaves. “Is the bird alright?”

He looks at you, and it seems the bird is doing the same.

“Yes, you do know these beautiful things go back into ash. Suppose think of it as a long slumber, until life comes to wake it again until life rises from the ashes. It is a young bird the King of Sol had gifted me, it will go through this process regularly until it matures into a fine phoenix.” The bird cranes itself closer to your father as though it understands the affection.

“A good metaphor it is.” He says to himself, but you do not hear it as he had already left.

You wonder what it was that made your father change his mind.

a day hence, four years before the age of Sol, in the Kingdom Hermes: 

You had only gone to one of these once in your life, and it had been when you were only thirteen - erasing the horrible memory of the grueling hills and mountains you had to pass through to get to the camping grounds where Hermes hosted these short-lived dwellings. 

The roads were narrow and winding, each rock an obstacle for the wheels of your carriage— encountering a stop or two now and then when your horses had to be checked up on. Why did the Kingdom of travel and communication choose to make roads these precocious? Something you would never understand.

There were no other travelers on your way to Hermes’ camping grounds, for you were the last to go. Your presence not at all anticipated on these roads.

Thick dense forests surround the serene sight of the camping grounds. It is a full of small well-distanced cabins, some smaller pitched tents and a large common tent pitched in the middle, a lake shining at the very end of the clearing. Not at all like how you remember it, perhaps it had improved over the years you hadn’t gone.

Giving your own ensemble of knights and footmen the rest they deserve, you inform them that they are allowed to spend the rest of the evening looking for their designated cabins and to mingle as they please. It takes some convincing for Hendery to follow suit but you manage to convince him that you needed this time by yourself to properly assimilate for once. You were hyperaware that you were always so, literally, guarded. This made you feel like you were always so alienated and distanced from everybody else, an obvious bubble hiding you away from everything.

You already see people scattered everywhere when you arrive: some men drinking off to their own heart’s desire, some roasting food over the fires they have built for their own cabins, some simply enjoying the comfort of the outdoors. A few groups of ladies you noted were flocking to their own tents, obviously put up to gossip.

It is something you do not mean to do when you overhear the exchange happening between noble ladies from all over Celeste, none of them you were strangers to but none too close for you to be explicitly invited to join them either.

“So, the Princes of Ashtaroth are obviously the most handsome.” One says, it’s as if it’s a proposal on the list of things they were to pick on.

“They simply do not count, it’s unfair to count them in. They are literally the princes of the kingdom of beauty, that is ridiculous.” 

“Prince Doyoung is unbelievably handsome is he not?” One of the girls squeals.

“To you he is the most gorgeous man to walk the planet, but only because you harbor a little crush on the prince. And no, his wit does not count.” Another answers.

“Well if we were talking more about your fancy, it would definitely be the Princes of Tyr.” 

“Oh please Prince Johnny is engaged now to one of the more timid flowers of Ashtaroth too, and Prince Jeno is far too young for an old wench like you!” 

They laugh, and when the laughter subsides somebody else speaks up. It seems a cycle.

“If we were to talk about engaged men, Prince Muhan is a sight for sore eyes.” You almost scoff when you hear this, but you manage to stay quiet so that they won’t notice your snooping.

“Also engaged.”

“Or so we thought he was; it seems that all of Celeste was wrong about him and Princess Y/N. Maybe their friendship was lasting, perhaps they are just close and truly friendly.” 

“Except she’s now clearly attached to the most handsome man of all the land.” It’s a bitter tone that comes from the voice of whoever is speaking, but you hold in your own feelings because you know where this conversation leads.

“Oh the King of Sol.” It’s almost in unison that all these ladies sigh, their voices laced with desire. This is when you start to critically listen. 

“How could we forget to mention?”

“It’s because King Jaehyun of a different calibre.” 

“Often so unattached because he’s simply above all of us. Any and all of us.” 

“Well he is in some sort of attachment now, Princess Y/N must know some conjuring spells they keep secret in Gaia for him to be infatuated with her.”

It’s honestly a little insulting to hear that, especially when all of them laugh after it is said. 

“Oh come on ladies, we speak like he is no man at all. He’s had his… conquests before.” One speaks up again, and you don’t think that you much appreciate where their conversation leads and you are half tempted to walk away and forget you ever even stumbled upon their privacy— but another part of you wants to know more.

“Like I believe he could ever break free from his cloak of honor, why don’t you tell all of us about these conquests?” 

“You are in for a world of surprise when I tell you that the King of Sol was once a Prince of Sol who did not shy away from acting like such a breeding horse.” She snickers.

“Just ask Lady Kim, Lady Cho, and Lady Hwang about his… vigor. Those three are ever so willing to indulge anyone who will ask about their magical encounters with King Jaehyun during his run as a prince. Others don’t want to speak, but you can tell they must have had such a great time lying in his bed.”

Your skin crawls, and it’s not because you do not expect that Jaehyun had done those things. It was the Kingdom of Life you had come from: sex was something so normally regarded that you are sure that if it were anyone’s own relationship to sex being scrutinized you would’ve not been so reactive about it. It’s something you understand happens, but you’re sure what you’re feeling about Jaehyun in this exact moment is not particularly normal.  

Imaginings of all those ladies you were vaguely familiar with immediately crossed your mind, sudden flashes of their love affairs with Jaehyun already filling the vast space of your once quiet thoughts. If you could try to dig deeper into your brain for any of your earlier memories of Jaehyun when he was once a prince, maybe you could recall a handful of times that he did graciously come escorting some noble ladies to some events in the social season - and now you wonder what the extent of their relationships were.

Was it jealousy? Was it a deep insecurity of understanding that maybe you could not live up to lovers he might have had?

You weren’t sure, but your fists are curled into balls that flex into frustration. Perhaps it was the idea that you did not like to imagine things you did not know of Jaehyun, maybe you know so little of him that your acquaintance would never reach that level of honesty. Whatever this was, it bothered you beyond normal reason.

It was not a good idea to have listened for as long as you did, and you were too preoccupied eavesdropping to have noticed Jaehyun only a short distance away from you. Jaehyun also listening to a conversation not meant for him to hear, and noticing the way you stiff up in what he presumes to be disappointment as you listen and walk away.

-

He wanted to surprise you, the moment he saw you wandering alone in the vast camping grounds. 

Though he did not count on his letter to your father affecting his decision to allow you to go to this gathering in Hermes, he had a little spark of hope that his weeks of trying to earn your father’s favor would work. 

It started with the phoenix, which was not an easy feat to get his hands on. Then many other material things of priceless value followed after, but he did not take your father for a fool. Material things could be worn out and thrown away, but the words of an earnest man held value to a much higher degree— especially to a royal man like your father. 

A proper way to speak to a king from another.

Jaehyun’s letter detailed how he recognized how the gifts would give off the assumption that he could give his way into the warmth of your father’s approval, but he could only hope that your father could understand that he was willing to do more for you. The rest were desperate vulnerable writings about how he cannot handle being apart from you much longer, but he will respect the reservations your father may have about meeting alone in private.

So he asked, or more so begged, that he allow you take part in the regular social event Hermes held. Promising that he would not be ludicrous enough to try anything stupid because there were positively eyes everywhere that would keep him in check.

Now it was to his surprise that you were here in the forest, journeying your way through the rocky cliffs of the mountains. 

You were here. In the flesh. How excited he was to see you in person after only depended on your written words to fuel the longing he held for you, but it was not enough.

He wanted to gently lay a hand on your shoulder, or try to hop out in front of you to get your attention - but you were so focused on standing outside a group of noble ladies’ tent that he couldn’t help but wonder why your eyebrows were furrowed.

It started out a normal conversation when Jaehyun listens in, talking about handsome royal men like these flock of women typically do. He cannot say he did not find it insulting that they question your relationship; there was absolutely nothing unbelievable with being absolutely entranced by you. 

Nothing could have prepared him for where the conversation was headed. When they open the topic of his conquests, he half expects you to walk away— but he isn’t so surprised when you decide to stay. You expression an unreadable combination of surprise and frustration. 

Was he to feel shame? He could not deny he made some rather… unsavory decisions to indulge in his primal urges in the past. He could neither feel like the manner in which he was spoken about was degrading for far worse things could have been said. 

But then names come up, none of them are untrue. Jaehyun did have several sexual partners, and recalling them all now don’t make them any much important. They were part of things that have happened in the past, and they were far too distant to hold much value or interest anymore.

Jaehyun sees your hands ball into fists: perhaps the most expressive he’s seen you, and then you still manage to gracefully stomp off.

only an hour hence, four years before the age of Sol, in the Kingdom Hermes: 

You find a quiet corner nearing the mouth of the lake, you can see less of the crowd and notice the twinkling of the waves of water against the bright moonlight. 

Was it wrong of you to be so affected by this?

Surely it was normal for you to feel, it was not very much the characteristic of a Princess to feel so outwardly emotional but you were trying your best to be calm about the surge of emotions you were feeling.

In a matter of perfect timing, you hear someone speak, a little startling because you did not have any inkling that anybody was near.

“I apologize if I startled you,” Jaehyun holds both his hands to his chest level, palms facing you, “I just noticed Hendery with the other knights and I went out to seek you.” He’s not telling you the whole truth but you do not know that.

You have not seen each other in weeks, and the atmosphere was strange and it was awkward. It almost feels like the first time you’re speaking to each other again. Was this how it was going to be?

“Oh, I just wanted to acclimate on my own. I’m not used to these mountains and this… forest.” Was probably the most believable thing you could think of saying, and Jaehyun only partially believes you because he knew what you just heard. And he knew it affected you somehow.

“I did not expect you to be here.” 

He lowers both hands, slowly walking to be closer to you. Just enough for the moonlight to illuminate his face, just enough for you to know he is truly in front of you. 

You laugh, “What? In the forest?” 

“I meant here, in Hermes. I did mention it in our first correspondence that I noticed you were not the biggest fan of these camping excursions, so I did not hold much expectation.” 

You could have very well expected other ladies to arrive, eager to please his every desire. You think only to yourself. 

Maybe this was jealousy. And you did not like the way it tasted on your tongue.

He’s smiling at you now, you’re earning those two wells dotting his cheeks without even trying to be nice or kind about finally being together after weeks of anticipation. You wanted this moment to be a grand reuniting, where you could feel colors burst out from your chest the moment you would lay eyes on him. 

Instead you were now so preoccupied about the figurative distance between you. How you’d only become friends now. How you felt a generation away because he was older. How you honestly felt like a pathetic child waiting around a corner to understand the implications of the situation.

But then you had to keep yourself in your place, maybe you were assuming this relationship meant much more than it was. Perhaps you had only decided to kiss him, you were entertaining an idea. 

Maybe he did not feel the same.

“I did not think I would be here either.” You answer, holding yourself back from speaking with annoyance or anger. He thankfully does not notice.

Jaehyun moves toward you much closer now and suddenly you become too aware of your own being. Your hands feel clammy, and you wonder if he will scrutinize your figure even with all the layers of cotton and fur you had on to protect yourself from the cold. You wonder if maybe you should have let your handmaiden apply more rouge, maybe you did not look as beautiful as those other girls who would go out of their way to polish every single surface for him.

“Did your father allow you?” He asks.

“It wasn’t a matter of him allowing me,” you say, pressing both of your palms together, “he persuaded me told me go.” 

“I expected more from him you know.” Jaehyun admits, he places a hand on your shoulder. “It took so much convincing, it made me believe that he wouldn’t have allowed you to come here knowing I would be in the same place. I even wrote him that letter to explain to him that I would do everything to make our meetings of honor and of virtue.” 

Of honor and of virtue. You do not know if it is a compliment or an insult that he regards you as if you were made of porcelain and not of skin. Were you not desirable that not even his carnality must peak through?

You roll your eyes, and you know that he feels the shift in your demeanor, but his hand does not falter where it is planted on your shoulder. You can feel is emanating warmth.

“Am I to understand that ‘tis the sole reason that you’ve done so much as to impress my father?” In that slip of the tongue, you cannot help but make your words come out much sharper than intended. By the way Jaehyun looks at you, you can tell he is a little stunned by your tone.

“Of course I wanted you to be here.” He admits, and even if you do not want to feel the warmth that blossoms from your own chest - you cannot help it.

“Two weeks of gifts from Sol, only for me to make the journey to this crowded clearing.” You say, and his other hand makes its way to your empty shoulder.

“I did not mean that I wanted only for you to be here,” he pulls you closer, now one hand cautiously on your back, “I meant that I would have been on my knees mercilessly if need be at your father’s doorstep if it meant that I would only catch a glimpse of you.” 

“You do not mean that.” You whisper.

“If it takes for me to bring down the sun to make you believe my sincerity, I’m willing to do that for you.” He says, the distance between your chests so much less than a world apart.

Jaehyun speaks up again, “and I’m to believe, if you are sincere, that you owe me my kiss.” 

“If you take me nothing more than a pastime, you can take your kiss up on any other noble lady here.” 

“I cannot deny what you heard.” He says, looking into your eyes, and you immediately understand that he knows what you did hear.

“So you’ve been following me?” You point.

“I would not say that, I did notice your arrival and I wanted to surprise you. It lead to me being somewhere where I was not supposed to be, that’s all.”

“Why didn’t you stop me when you knew what I was starting to hear?”

“And save you from what? The truth of who I was back then?” 

You only blink at him.

“I cannot change those choices, they are a part of me now as much as they’ll ever be— I cannot change the past even if I wanted to. I’ll admit I was foolish, I did a great deal of messing around, but I am no longer that way.” He says, and it sounds like he’s trying his best to convince you.

“What do you want me to believe of you?” Your voice is much quieter, because you know that there is truth in which he speaks.

“I want you to believe that I do not want to use you and discard you, I admit that when I was a little younger I let the promiscuity get into my head. Princess, I understand that you are younger than I and I do not want you to think I’m taking advantage of you because you’re more malleable in that stage—“

“You do not have to consider me in that light.” You cut his rambling off.

“I just, I do not want you to believe what other people may say. If there is truth to it or not, I believe we must tread through this together— without the outside noise.” He sighs, hoping he made enough sense for there to be resolve.

You close the distance between you by taking him in for an embrace, this gesture startling him but you immediately feel how he softens. Your face buried in his chest, and only then you realize just how tall he is.

“I apologize, I just felt so overwhelmed with the idea that other people knowing these things about you presented the possibility that our attachment was disingenuous.” You admit.

“I’ll tell you every single detail if need be.” He laughs, and you feel the earthy tone of his bellowing voice when he does - the vibration traveling to where your head was placed.

“To what value should I hold that?” Looking up at him, only to find him looking at you.

“To every single aspect of the matter.” Jaehyun says with certainty.

“And which matter is that?” You raise an eyebrow.

“To every matter of this relationship.”

“You know, you must be very particular about these things, you would not want a lady to assume an attachment be worth something it really isn’t.” 

He can only laugh again, “I do not mean to rush you. It is a waste of your youth for me to maintain a pace that I want, and that is unfair.”

“So you want me to wait?”

"Perhaps."

You laugh, "do you not find me desirable?"

He stiffens only a little, "believe me when I tell you that it is taking every single fibre of my being to maintain self-control when I only get so little as a glance of your shadow and a whiff of your scent."

"So is it appropriate for me to want to rush you?"

“No. I want you to breathe in the air of your youth, the same wind does not come across for you twice.”

Then the realization returns to you. Your borrowed time. 

“Alright,” your voice goes quiet again, “thank you for considering that of me, my king.” 

You savor the embrace, lulling yourselves into the peaceful quiet of each other’s arms as everything in the background fades past you. Except your impending doom is weighing on your mind.

~

You’ve come to treasure early mornings, when the sunlight just comes to a hilt - and the cold evening still lingers as you begin to smell the morning dew evaporate from the blades of grass and the margins of the leaves. Ever since you’ve become ill, you tried your best to get up early at times to admire morning spilling into the night sky. 

It seems you’re earlier than most, not feeling or seeing a single soul awake as you stroll around the camping grounds. 

After your brief moment with the King of Sol last night, you excused yourself - feeling a familiar build up of sick black wanting to leave your body. You thought it only a little cruel that he dismissed you without question, probably assuming you were still upset about what happened overhearing the ladies in the tent.

But it was much better that he blamed something else than find out about your condition. 

You were being selfish, playing so closely with both your feelings knowing that you had no idea how to keep yourself safe and alive for much longer.

Finding yourself entering the trees, you notice a different quiet. The songs of birds seem much different here, you imagine this to be the sound of the birds in Kingdom Aether - maybe close to the bird calls you had heard Prince Sicheng make during one occasion. The breeze is different, passing through each tall oak and pine, scents wafting through the air.

Time seems to be lost when you see the rays of sunlight come through, illuminating each shadowed branch. You do not realize how deep you’ve gone, and how far long you’ve walked.

It is something you are not prepared to see, something you thought only started to manifest in your own kingdom. 

The tinges of blacks and sludges of green were familiar, it had been happening in Gaia irregularly ever since you became sick. Some lakes turning a deep black, fish floating dead and atop the surface of the water - flowers wilting in large patches, harvest of grain reduced to half, some horses and cattle found lifeless in the mornings— seeming to have decomposed for months but have passed for only a few hours.

Life was being taken, with no real way to comprehend how that came to be. A decay was spreading, patches of land - the sky - the water - they were all experiencing the same illness you were. 

This was a plague on life. On everything you stood for.

Right here, in the forests of Hermes, the decay was beginning in a few old trees. Their once sturdy trunks, now an almost melted mess of the same dark hues you had coughed up. An elk, however so beautiful its antlers, lay lifeless in the middle. You can see the expose of its ribs, viscera mangled and splayed across the dark ground. No sign of other animals or insects, only the worms and the centipedes avoiding the grueling scene. 

You approach it, even when the hesitation in the stiffness of your steps oppose the almost voluntary way your feet move forward. 

Months of torture knowing you were ill, and all these weeks of knowing that life all around was diseased with the same fate. This was the only time you found whatever courage it was to seek it out yourself. With all the power you have been reserving, you hover a hand over the dead patch of land, trying to command anything you had. Anything to bring it back to life. 

To your dismay, nothing at all happens. Where typically flowers would bloom upon the command of your hands, or the wounded would heal, there was nothing your will could do at this moment. 

Instead, a sharp pain ricochets into your palm, a seething burn that stings through as if cut by a blade. No visible force is doing this, but it’s as though you are wounded. 

You gaze upon your palm, surprised to see that you are truly bleeding and you have been cut open.

Before you can process how that came to be, a drop of your own crimson blood lands onto the patch of dead grass— and suddenly, life is willed as you intended. It is almost so immediate, how the trees seem to stand tall once again - the timber stalks boasting in height. An elk so gloriously beautiful in how it stands, how it looks at you. Everything so alive, so starkly different from what you’ve seen.

An unpleasant feeling in your stomach churns, for blood magic has been known to have died so many years ago. It seemed only a dark, shunned myth. 

Until now that you have seen it with your own eyes. And it makes you absolutely repulsed, it makes you sick.

You turn back, the blood curling from within your body. None of your worst nightmares could fare the fear that ran through your body. 

Running back into the camp, you do not notice Jaehyun standing around outside your lodgings when you near the curtained entrance.

“Y/N?” He asks, seeing you visibly in distress, you do not like how he is concerned. He should not be. It was already so unfair that you were taking advantage of his kindness like this, it would hurt him to know the truth that you were hiding. And you knew it would destroy both of you to pretend that your curse would not affect this attachment.

You had to end this now before it could do him any more harm to know— to be any closer to the truth.

“If you know what is good for you my king, we shall stop this.” You say with conviction, and it kills you to see the hurt that wells up in his eyes. 

“Y/N? What is this about? I had thought that we had talked and—“

“Please,” you say, “please,” you beg in a whisper, “this must end.” 

Before you can shed tears over the lump that seems to be blocking your airways, you leave him behind to enter your lodgings. 

You do not hear him walk away. You know that he waits, even if you do not come back out that day.

three years before the Age of Sol, in the Kingdom Ashtaroth:

“Has much so changed in a year, dear brother?” Prince Johnny nudges at Jaehyun, who has drifted away in thought - staring at the new sort of display for the ball. Perhaps Jaehyun was not the best to understand art of the underlying messages of its beauty, or perhaps Ten and Taeyong have properly lost their minds to come up with a cohesive idea.

“Maybe.” He takes a while to answer.

But he knows the answer is yes, much and very little can change in a year. That he knows to be true.

“Wasn’t it almost exactly a year ago here in Ashtaroth? We accidentally drank those aphrodisiac-laced drinks, thankfully Princess Y/N was there to—“ Johnny stops himself, aware of now how even more disconnected Jaehyun looked. He shouldn’t have mentioned you at all. 

It was still a sensitive subject.

“Well, I suppose Prince Taeyong, Ten, and Jaemin always do manage to surprise us with… decorative arrangements. Maybe nothing much has changed.” Johnny says instead, trying to save himself the embarrassment of forgetting the one thing that he knew bothered Jaehyun.

“Yes maybe some things do not change.” Jaehyun nods, pretending he wasn’t affected by just the mention of your name. Like you hadn’t been the one occupying each thought he had for the better part of a year now.

After you told him to end things in Hermes the previous year, you suddenly left without telling a soul. The entire delegation from Gaia just deciding to leave the excursion, leaving everyone in different curious whispers. A message flew in for Prince Mark in his domain that there were urgent matters in Gaia that needed you to be summoned back, and there were no more questions after that.

He tried writing to you at first, but he knew you never kept your windows open - never waiting at noon to let the sunlight in. His letters piling up unsent in the corner of his study, where he altogether just stopped sending any.

You hadn’t been present in any more social events, no one left with a clue about your absence. Except an overheard comment from Prince Muhan once, saying you were preoccupied arranging things in Gaia. 

Something that bothered Jaehyun - because it meant that Muhan was still close enough to you to know what was going on at least. Slowly, people began to forget that you two ever had an attachment as well. 

He had thought of reaching out to your father, but he could not conspire something he knew you would be against; you had told him to stop, you’d even pleaded with him.

In the year that followed, he adjusted quite well into his position. Many heard of the well boosted prosperity of Sol, and though Jaehyun’s emotions were entirely elsewhere— he poured himself into his kingdom. It was a very welcome distraction, realizing he needed to pay attention to other things of importance to keep his heart stalled.

An unwelcome distraction however, came in the form of his political advisors and his own set of knights— bothering him of the same ordeal over the past few months.

“You need a wife.” Was a constant phrase he’d heard. Something Sol did not demand of him when he was still their crown prince was an engagement; marriage was not something of importance at the time. He’d grown to prove himself in wit, in strength, and in the use of his power during those years. Romance was simply an accessory, and his people agreed that he would have no problem finding a partner when the time came. And now was the time that it was required of him, to keep up with appearances - to set a precedent for a matriarchal figure of the kingdom.

If the issue on finding a wife came anywhere sooner than when you first spoke at the ball in Ashtaroth a year ago, he would have had no qualms saying yes to the next random well-bred noble lady. 

Except now, all he could think of was you. It was you he pictured next to him, even if the possibility seemed close to none again. 

As if he’d never came close to being your king in the first place.

“There you are.” It’s perfect timing when Lady Cho snakes her arm, linking it into Jaehyun’s. The unwelcome distraction.

She was, it seemed, the main contender to become his possible fiancé. She was highborn of a noble family in Ashtaroth, she was easy on the eyes, and they did share a rather interesting history. In fact, he was certain she was one of the names mentioned when you overheard those ladies in Hermes.

Johnny is now aware he’s found himself in a very interestingly uncomfortable situation. It had not been five minutes since your name had been mentioned, and here was Lady Cho giving Jaehyun the most lovesick look. Jaehyun looking uninterested, maybe even intent to get away from Lady Cho.

“Anything worthwhile here, Lady Cho?” Johnny asks, just so the atmosphere would seem less dull.

She actually squeals in delight at the prospect of sharing information, “I did see Prince Muhan arrive, with a lady no doubt!” 

Jaehyun could be interested, but he does not make it a point to express it. Not when her grip on his arm was getting tighter with each word she enunciated.

“Whoever could that be?” Johnny asks again.

“I did not get the pleasure of having a good look at her, but she did have regally long dark hair. Maybe it would be worth mentioning that she had a good figure to her as well. I bet she’s beautiful.” 

It does not ring any bells, Jaehyun still imagines you the way he last remembers you. Medium length hair only a little past your shoulders— and your body although perfect in his eyes, still a developing shell shedding slowly of youth.

“Good for him.” Jaehyun comments, perhaps hoping Muhan had found himself a match. He could say, Muhan was rather busy this year - many campaigns throughout Celeste. Not an area experiencing drought. Jaehyun recalls Muhan traveling into Sol to deliver supplies of water for the people of the kingdom.

It was by all means very good, but he still held his reservations for the Prince of Okeanos. There was a sour spot planted in him, especially when he remembered how Muhan was linked to you. Maybe Jaehyun was bitter that you had severed ties with everyone, except for Muhan.

Laughter gets thrown into the air, Jaehyun does not realize how crowded the hall had become. There was a sudden surge of people, where he swore that there was enough room to breathe only moments ago.

He sees the long dark hair first, waves past hips - the unmistakeable curves of a woman. It’s only fitting then, that the twinge of attraction he feels gets validated when he finally sees the woman draped into Muhan’s arms. 

It’s you, smiling effortlessly at a joke someone had probably said. 

The hollow in Jaehyun’s chest begins to feel so sensitive, when he tries his best to be here in this moment. It feels that all the hall’s only a background, and all he can focus on is finally seeing you.

Have you been eating well? Although he can see you look like you’re blossoming into a woman now, he notices the frailness of your wrists when you make motions with your hands - and the indents of your collarbones more prominent than he remembers. You look tired, although there might be little indication for him to go by, he just knows that you do not seem so yourself.

Are you happier? There's a smile on your face but a tiredness at the wrinkles curling up in your eyes.

Did the silence give you enough peace? Was the smile on your face so genuine, did it feel like you could finally breathe now that you made the choice to end it? He wants to know if the year has been kind to you in any way at all, because it had not been that way for him.

“Oh, it is the Princess.” Lady Cho notices Jaehyun’s gaze so focused on you.

Johnny scrambles to finish his drink, calling Mark over for another full glass.

~

In the year that passed, you were busy.

Scrambling back into Gaia to tell your father of what had happened in the forest, you mapped out all the plagued areas in your kingdom. Your blood put into a small vial, and you had gone in secret to test whether they could be revived with a drop.

And they did. 

Suddenly death was wiped off, temporarily keeping things at bay. 

Though it left you with three problems.

First, you knew the illness was spreading in other kingdoms. It would mean you had to employ the help of others to keep this secret. It only took a message to Prince Sicheng of the Kingdom Aether, asking him to scope the skies for anything that was reminiscent of the scenes you described. It was to your advantage that Sicheng had been a rather quiet man, discerning in his own political choices and well understanding of the matter at hand. After you had identified those areas, you needed to speak to Prince Muhan. 

But the closeness of your families warranted an explanation, one he took quite well. One secret he promised to keep to the grave, even if it seemed your engagement no longer held true. 

He agreed to be the one to hold campaigns around Celeste, mixing only a drop of your blood into the water he would cast upon the places Sicheng had mentioned.

Second, the matter of your blood. 

Blood magic was something no one had quite been familiar with, the only clues you had were the scribes of the Kingdom Luna - some passages in books of your old library had mentioned something of the Moon Kingdom. You had to start there.

In the meantime you had to bleed, and it drained a lot of life out of you. If there was anything about it, you experienced just how much it took a toll on your physical state - more so on your magic. The more blood you gave, the less you had the capacity to do much. You could not even make the flowers bloom around your gardens. Recovering after long periods of bleeding meant that you had to stay away from leaving Gaia, there was barely a chance for you to see more than the borders of your kingdom.

It frustrated you, but you had to keep it secret. Now only a select few Gaia, Okeanos, Aether, and Luna knew. 

Third, your heart.

Though there were moments that you had to take your responsibility as Princess, and now a not so certain herald of blood magic - you found yourself thinking about Jaehyun often. Even if you were so ridden with guilt about how you spoke to him last, you knew in your heart that it was the best way to keep him out of the burden of knowing.

At the rate of how things were unfolding, it seemed the threat of your death was not as terrible as it initially was, and it ached to know that you could not spend these days without even a word from Jaehyun. You had meant to write, but you knew you hurt him, and you did not want to be more selfish than you already had been. 

“You have to leave this castle.” Your father mentions once, your moping had come to be quite stressful for him. The bird on his shoulder looked a bit more aged now, its feathers thicker and richer in vibrant color.

It was not nice being bothered by the presence of a bird, but it reminded you so much of Jaehyun.

“And accomplish what exactly?” You ask.

“Well, you could do me the favor of giving me peace.” He says, “and perhaps it’s time to find a partner.” He suggests; he’s been the most enthusiastic that you made it through the winter. 

“The last thing we need—“

“You are the most unenthusiastic about your own life. Have a little faith that we can find a solution, perhaps life is more bountiful for you.” He ushers you out the door of his study, ordering Hendery to gather all your maids to prepare you for the upcoming ball in Ashtaroth.

~

“I heard a rumor.” Prince Muhan whispers to you, you sent a letter asking him to accompany you to the ball in Ashtaroth, knowing his presence typically hindered much attention. He kept to himself a lot, only really mingling with his own traveling audience from Okeanos. 

You were currently in a carriage together on the way to Ashtaroth, so conversation was good enough to distract you from the travel. “And what did that entail?” You wonder.

“Well, they were rumors. Plural.” He settled on agreeing with himself. “The first about, your blood magic.” 

“As if there wasn’t enough bad news already.” 

“Some scribes in my own kingdom came to find a piece of history in writing, and it wasn’t particularly mum. A little gruesome actually.” Muhan states. “The last royal who dabbled in the art, well, all kingdoms agreed to have her head on a stick - there was half a treaty left good enough to read.” 

It doesn’t surprise you, instead you ask, “and where might the other half be?”

“You have to hear the rest first. The document was signed mainly by one olden king from a certain kingdom.” 

“Well, the effort must have come somewhere.” You affirm.

“Yes, something about blood magic not bidding well with their people or something of such effect.”

“So are you going to tell me?” 

“The document was scorched.” 

And that was all you needed to hear.

What did Sol have against this magic?

“Oh.” You say, processing. “You said rumors, plural.”

“Yes, rumors, plural.” He sing songs, “since we’re at the topic of kings from Sol, the other is about your beloved.”

Muhan had surprisingly been accepting about severing your engagement, even more so receptive about your entanglement with Jaehyun during the previous year’s social season. He said that the kiss was all he needed to see to know that you were finally sticking true to your own heart, which he knew he could have never won over anyway.

But he remained now a good friend, and an even better ally.

“What about him?” It pains you to ask, but your curiosity overpowers it.

“Apparently, he’s been in search for a wife - and his current candidate… You’ll have to see for yourself.” 

You make your way into the ball, trying to slip in unnoticed - choosing a rather late time to arrive as you only expect there to be alcohol and endless conversation. But you underestimate the crowd that gathers when you do start to socialize, something you did not typically do before. It’s strange being cautious, anticipating Jaehyun’s presence - and yet being unsure if he was here.

Half of you wanted him to be too busy ruling a kingdom to show up, and half of you wanted to catch even the smallest glimpse of him if you could. 

“You look different.” Prince Ten comments, ever so observant, and it makes you a bit self-conscious because you’re aware of how different you do appear.

“I can only hope you mean well when you say that.” You respond.

“Even if you arrived in nothing but rags, I’m sure you’d still be the most beautiful here.” He says and you laugh.

In the middle of your laughter, your eyes seem to quickly drift off to where you feel like you’re being watched. It is then that you lock eyes with Jaehyun, seeing Lady Cho link her arm around his own. She’s telling him something, and you only notice Prince Johnny looking like he wants to detach himself from whatever the conversation was. 

But Jaehyun only looks at you. A stare so passive that you cannot place it as anger or sadness, you hope it’s either - you just want him to still care. 

Because you still care.

Even if you were sure that Lady Cho was the candidate Muhan mentioned, irking you to know that it is the same high born that was mentioned to have slept with him before. Maybe there was comfort in a familiar body, and you hoped Jaehyun chose right. She was beautiful, and you could not contest.

She would make a great queen.

All you can do now is look away the entire evening, pretending you don’t feel his gaze linger on you.

three years before the Age of Sol, in the Kingdom Tyr:

It so goes that the social season follows a regular pattern, a grand ball in Ashtaroth, a joust and a feast in Tyr, the excursions up to Hermes, and whichever kingdom is open to hosting anything for the flock that would not refuse at the chance of being amongst other people.

Another joust was set to happen, you were now sat at a designated box, all decorated in the deep greens of your kingdom.

This year, you refused Johnny’s request at the kiss of luck. He had come to you in hopes that you would be willing to place the gift again, but you very politely declined - mentioning a handful of single noble women who would be happy to oblige. 

You were nothing more than a spectator this time, watching a sport you did not very much enjoy.

A lineup of all the princes and knight participating parades across the field before the joust officially starts, and you cannot help but try to count. Everybody you knew would participate would be there and young noblemen who’d never had the chance to joust before, but there were no forerunners from Sol. 

Your eyes are fixed to see the boxes across from yours, a space of field in the middle, you hadn’t noticed it empty - but you could now notice it being filled up with people in flags of a golden sun. 

“The King of Sol decided not to be part of the joust, if you were wondering.” Hendery discretely speaks next to you as you do notice Jaehyun settle down at the same level of seats as you. It was awkward having to face him directly, but you were left the comfort of distance. Lady Cho still by his side but she seemed uninterested at the joust, more so trying to get his attention.

The joust goes by quickly, the breaking of splinters and noblemen falling of horses a cackle of sound you never grew so used to. It’s Jaehyun’s hard gaze that you have to avoid, and it felt like you were unwillingly gluing your eyes on the field to avoid having to look up at his face. It already hurt you to know he was a proximity away, so close enough to see but still far away.

“Champions,” the King of Tyr announces in perfect fashion when the last two contenders are narrowed down, “it is time for the kiss of victory. The Lady Kim will give her blessing to her champion of choice, between the Knight Hyunjin from Ashtaroth and Prince Jeno of Tyr.”

There was an obvious choice for Lady Kim; everyone knew that between the two contenders, she had already been promised to the Knight Hyunjin. 

It’s almost riveting, when she steps down, and you notice that she does not even look at the knight’s way. Instead she goes straight for Prince Jeno, who seems so flustered. Everybody in the stands all curios and mildly appalled that she did not choose the man she was supposed to. 

She whispers something to him, and he guides a hand to her shoulders - and you know well enough to read his lips. He’s telling her not to worry. It is made obvious that there was something going on between the two.

Then she places a kiss on his cheeks, and you feel yourself all flushed with a familiar feeling.

That had been you and Jaehyun not long ago, in the same predicament. 

You can only look up from the field to see Jaehyun looking at you still, despite the lady at his side. It’s the first time you can clearly tell what he feels in the way he looks at you. It is a feeling of sadness. 

You and him both know you are witnessing reflections of yourselves. 

~

It is an uncomfortable thing to be stuck in the middle of rowdy feasts. Every joust in Tyr entailed a long session of bards singing their tales, banging on hard wood tables cut from large trees, and ale and wine being spilt more than it was drunk. You never really lasted more than twenty minutes of formalities during this part of the function, zooming out to leave early. In last year’s case you made your way to the garden.

You were lucky that Johnny’s wife was next to you, she was just as well-adjusted to these festivities in Tyr as you— which was barely adjusted at all. There was a silent agreement between the two of you, to simply be receptive around the long table of royals overlooking all that was happening. It seemed you found a friend in her gentle character, recalling the story about the gardens in the kingdom that Johnny had made for her. They were a beautiful contrast. You were happy that you had company.

Still, you cannot help but notice Jaehyun in your periphery. Feeling helpless that Muhan and Sicheng were sat way at the far end of the table, and Hendery was in one of the knight’s tables away from guarding you. 

It’s a surprise when your father arrives late into the function, he was never so fond of going to these types of events and left you in his stead on behalf of Gaia. Once upon a time, your father and Johnny’s had been quite close. Gaia and Tyr were somewhat allies in times of disagreement among kingdoms, and they had lead their troops into battle together. So your father being accommodated a seat next to the King of Tyr was expected.

What wasn’t expected however, was your father calling the entire dinner hall’s attention for a toast.

“I hope I do not come to this feast unwelcome,” He starts off, met with the silence of willing ears, “nor do I want to come off as rude to bid the attention to something completely irrelevant to something such like a joust.” 

You want to be swallowed by the velvet of the seat you were restrained to, feeling secondhand embarrassment if it were such a thing.

“I must take advantage of the attendance of all important representatives of each kingdom in this very hall, and the kindness of my old friend who permitted me to make such an announcement.” Your father continues, and you hope that he just gets to the point. 

He clears his throat, taking a good eye around the room where every soul had been earnestly listening. Even all the royals and high borns wondering whatever it could be he wanted to say.

“This is the season that I announce, on behalf of the kingdom Gaia, that our Crown Princess finds a husband. Or rather, a time where we welcome suitors for the princess.” 

A pin could drop, and perhaps everyone would hear it. The air feels sucked out of the room, and you cannot believe your own ears. You should have seen this coming, after all the faux optimism your father had been disillusioned with. 

Johnny’s wife lays her hand on your lap very gently, finding your hand to squeeze. It is a gesture of comfort, one you need at the moment. You close your eyes for a few seconds, before finding composure in your own body.

“A toast, to the Princess Gaia. A toast to finding love that is true.” The King of Tyr raises his chalice, and everybody erupts in a cheer.

Everyone except you, Johnny’s wife, and Jaehyun.

a few weeks hence, three years before the Age of Sol, in the Kingdom Hermes:

This was the last place you wanted to be, but you were here nonetheless, surrounded by trees again in the middle of the mountainous forests.

After your father’s announcement, you could no longer count even with three sets of hands the amount of suitors that came to visit your kingdom. An absolutely horrific experience to entertain all guests for a sit down in your drawing room, you’d grown weary of pretending to be present during small talk.

Every nobleman and royal came with particular reasons for you to consider their engagement, and each reason proved to be selfish or absurd. Or perhaps you had your reservations because you could not find it in yourself to be interested in any of them.

To your dismay, this also meant that your quest to figure out your cursed blood magic was halted— making conversation with Sicheng and Muhan all the more difficult. On a few occasions Muhan had to pretend he was a suitor, cutting in line of whoever was interested to hold you hostage in another elaborate attempt to woo you. 

There was some commotion about this, suddenly it became a fast spreading rumor that Muhan was trying to mend back an old engagement. Denying this would have meant you had to admit to your secret, which was much more dangerous. So you find yourself once again associated with the Prince of Okeanos, but maybe now to your advantage.

Even so, it makes you wonder if Jaehyun ever considered expressing any interest in the matter of you. No men from Sol ever entered Gaia, none ever expressing a desire to wed the only princess in Celeste. You wonder if he had heard the rumors at least, of you and Muhan - how that would seem in his judgement. 

But it was so rich of you to assume that he would still care after you pushed him away. Maybe you would see him here in this retreat in the forest, and you condition yourself to be satisfied if you could only see the outline of shadow. That would be enough.

Your lodgings in Hermes are not as peaceful as you remember. Though everything was kept the same way it was before, it’s hard to ignore that you were now always bothered by suitors.

“May we please… promenade?” Prince Muhan struggles as he spent a good few minutes pushing through the men crowded outside your door, appearing before you in the small common area of the cabin designated to you.

“Is it important?” You wonder if he had any new news.

“No, but I suppose you want to not feel like a prisoner here. It’s stuffy always being inside and well, I think I do just the trick to keep all these admirers of yours away.”

“Yes, dear friend, you have that effect.” You say, dusting yourself off to find a good overcoat to wear.

“Did my father put you up to this?” You ask him once you’ve gone out to walk, your gloved hands carefully gripping his forearm. A great discovery to ward off any attempts to get near you. 

“Put me up to what?”

“Babysitting me as if you were my wet nurse.” 

“Well, your father did cause all this unwarranted attention now that you’re so available in the marriage market.” He rolls his eyes, he was also obviously annoyed having to always get past men to have to speak to you.

“Why are you looking out for me so much then?” 

“Because we are good friends now, are we not? I made a vow to protect you with all of this… curse. And I know the social season is hard on you especially after the previous one.” He tries to explain, and you know where he’s leading at. Especially now that you notice you’ve been promenading in circles - repeatedly passing by a tent occupied by Prince Johnny, Prince Mark, and Jaehyun. 

“What made you believe that?”

“I don’t believe it, I know it to be true princess.” Muhan sighs, “I’m trying to weaponize myself and my knowledge on a man’s ego to prove you are being stupid about this.”

Stupid. He’s never been so forward with you before, maybe that was the beauty in no longer being set-up to marry him was that he could be honest and have a sense of humor. Maybe he was a good friend now indeed.

“Stupid about what?”

“You’ll see what another stupid man sedated with misconstrued jealousy can conjure in his mind. Maybe I can spread a few rumors that I am intent on rekindling our old engagement, only for the sole purpose of entertainment of course.” He comments, walking off now to finally finish the loop you’ve been going around in.

You see this excursion to Hermes up to its very end, with only a few stolen glances of Jaehyun. Your eyes meeting once in a while on accident, and your heart hurting every time they do.

a month hence, three years before the Age of Sol, in the Kingdom Gaia:

Among the many things your father had done out of sheer absurdity, this one takes the biggest slice of cake.

Gaia was to host a ball for the social season, this being quite rare in itself. All because your father was interested in making such a big deal of your formal welcoming into society— something about the formality of welcoming marriage.

While the rest of your kingdom was scrambling to do their tasks to accommodate the behemoth-amount of guests that Gaia was not used to, all you really had to do was stay put and put on your best gown. Your face already worn out from practicing a forced smile.

What this ball was for, you didn’t quite understand, but you were meant to be a spectacle than a host.

You sit next to the throne your father was designated, a makeshift hall made in your vast gardens - everything crafted with the trees and ornamental flowers. It was almost like a building of its barebones, as though a greenhouse without glass in the middle of the nature your kingdom boasted - though the greens were guided to create a roof-like structure. 

If Gaia were to host balls, they hosted very few but very grand ones. Taking advantage of the magic of life— influencing the movement of wildlife and greenery. 

The effect of awe is evident with every guest that arrives, and in your thoughts you can quietly count off each kingdom that does come into your gardens. You’d heard from Hendery that your father took the liberty of inviting every kingdom, and that meant invitations had been sent to Sol.

And you found yourself waiting on the young king, even if you had no right to.

With each noblemen who had the intention of declaring their interest in your hand, they presented elaborate gifts or even their own talents in poetry, perhaps in wielding a sword, or even a song or two. Prince Muhan even asked for your hand in friendship, earning a comical smile from you - leaving everybody else confused at your inside joke. It all conspired throughout the course of the morning up until the courses of lunch were served and eaten.

You were bored out of your mind, the smile on your face betraying your true feelings. Even your father seemed to be less and less enthusiastic about the entire ordeal. 

It was his fault, really.

The long line of suitors seemed to have been done saying their piece, everybody retreating to a table to find their own company. The ending should have been a relief, but you can’t help but feel disappointed at the few empty seats where Prince Johnny sat— knowing very well that it would be Jaehyun occupying at least one of them. 

The simultaneous chatter serves as background noise as you try to imagine his presence, and it’s the bright rays of the sun rising at high noon that break your thoughts.

It all happens quickly, motions of people arriving. The swarm of familiar whites and golds, it seemed delegates from Sol came out of nowhere. 

Jaehyun walks in, behind a few of his knights, and he holds a rather determined look to his face. 

“The King of Sol.” One of the heralds of Gaia announce, as they make their way to the very front of the hall to your table. The stones of the garden floor rustling in the organized manner that Jaehyun arrives in.

“To what do we owe the presence of a king?” Your father’s voice bellows across, as if Jaehyun was a stranger to him. Like the little phoenix wasn’t perched up along the vines near behind your father, Jaehyun’s gift still kept so dear.

“I intend to express something I regret not being able to much sooner, to everybody in Celeste at least,” Jaehyun looks around, and it’s the first time you hear his voice after one year - an unmistakable confidence there, “I know plenty men here have done their due diligence to express their interest in the princess, and it is quite rude of me to express myself much later than all the others.”

Your father leaves room for Jaehyun to continue, but the King of Sol cannot look at you.

“It is in all my desire to marry the Princess Gaia.” He says, and all princes and noblemen alike look floored. “My intentions and my feelings have not changed from the year before, and it is in my shortcomings that I did not stay true to my words and my own heart. I find that I cannot stay away from her much longer.”

You can only stare onto the ground in which he steps, hoping his feet will spare you from having to look at his face. 

“I hope you understand as the king of your own domain that I took the time to think over my choice to come to you now— as you know I am in search of my own wife, and now the princess seeks a husband. No union will ever be as strong as such.” Jaehyun speaks directly to your father.

Then, in an act so demeaning, Jaehyun kneels in front of your father - in front now of all of Celeste to see. “Even if I shall beg for this honor.” You suddenly recall your conversation in Hermes - how he did say that he would do this for you, and now he really was.

The bird squawks, breaking the silence that follows, and your father clasps his hands together and stands up from his seat.

“Very well then, King of Sol. If you insist on proving yourself, I shall give you one year. But I shall now announce to all people of the land that this engagement is final, and will forevermore be.”

All eyes then turn to you, now stunned. 

end of part two.

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[erulasse23]

Frodo & PTSD: Healing

At the end of Frodo’s journey, he is left feeling isolated, alone, and without joy. It says in “The Grey Havens” that he withdrew from Shire life. When he becomes “ill” on the anniversary of being stabbed (by the Nazgul and Shelob), he hides it from Sam and says nothing. We know that his self-concept has been irreversibly changed. He set out from the Shire as a kind gentle-hobbit, with the idea of adventure being exciting and fun, only to be confronted with suffering, the reality of evil, and his own perceived failures. 

In the end, he cannot conceive of a life outside of his trauma and how he has been changed by his journey. He decides to sail to Valinor. Now what is interesting is that while the fandom (at least recently) has interpreted this as Frodo going to find healing in Valinor since he could not in Middle Earth, Tolkien never says that he is going for the purpose of healing. Rather, you get the impression that he has given up on healing. That his wounds are too deep and his joy too far lost. Sailing does indeed mark an end to his suffering, but not necessarily because he has healed. 

I want to interject a bit of historical context here. While Tolkien was writing the Lord of the Rings, post World War II, research on mental health was lightyears behind where it is today. The diagnosis of PTSD would not be added to the DSM until 1980, after wide study in the aftermath of the Vietnam War. In Tolkien’s time, it was called “battle fatigue” or “combat stress reaction”. Treatments ranged from electroshock therapy, to sedatives, to psychotherapy. The field of psychotherapy was a bit chaotic then, with the emergence of several new styles such as cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), still widely practiced today. 

The problem with these treatments, including CBT, is that they do not address the actual cause of PTSD. As previously discussed, PTSD occurs when the body’s stress response is overwhelmed and becomes “stuck”. CBT aims to change our rational thoughts and ideas, which then change the resultant emotions. This is a “top-down” approach. People who have experienced trauma do not necessarily respond to this because symptoms don’t come from a thought or belief from our rational brain, they come from our subconscious brain being stuck in crisis mode. Therefore, a “bottom-up” approach works much better.

Currently, some of the most-recommended treatments for PTSD include DBT (dialectical behavior therapy), EMDR (eye movement desensitization and reprocessing), and neurofeedback therapy, all aiming to create a sense of physical sensation of safety, allow for traumatic memories to be processed appropriately, and to “unstick” our brains. A sense of community and mindfulness, fully inhabiting our bodies but not being alone in them, is essential to recovery. 

So let’s compare Frodo to Eowyn. Eowyn also suffers a grievous blow from the Witch-King himself and is left afterwards with the same symptoms: despair, dark dreams, and she is cold and pale. The difference between the two, however, is that, “Her malady begins far back before this day,” as Aragon says. Eowyn, for a variety of reasons (that’s a whole other post if we’re going to discuss her trauma), rode out with the feeling that her only purpose was to die in battle. She says that she does not want healing, she only wishes to return to the battle and die. Her injury and the Black Shadow of the Nazgul are not a new experience for her, they do not change her self-conception. They only make her more determined. 

Healing for Eowyn begins when Faramir takes the time to listen to her and validate her feelings. He does not tell her she is wrong, or attempt to change her belief. He sits with her, and eventually, he explains that he loves her for herself, fully separate from her trauma or depression and regardless of what emotions she is feeling. He enables her to see that she is more than her grief. He shows her a life where she is not alone and where she may feel happy again, and she allows herself feel that happiness rather than clinging to death. Her character evolution is almost an inverse of Frodo's in this way.

Now this is not at all a criticism of Sam (I love that hobbit to death!!) but Sam does not provide this same sense of community to Frodo. Sam loves Frodo, but his attention is divided between Frodo and Rosie (and the regular Shire goings-on). Sam struggles to understand why Frodo cannot enjoy the Shire as he once did, and he isn’t able to offer the same sort of validation. But I think Sam is the reason that Frodo stayed as long as he did, and the reason that Frodo was able to complete his quest. And I like to think that once Sam arrived in Valinor, he was reunited with a Frodo who, while not the hobbit he was before the Fellowship, has regained a sense of joy and togetherness. 

If you want more information about any of the topics that I briefly touched on here, let me know! I’m always happy to yap about my interests :)

Part One | Part Two