#cannot guarantee I’ll draw much more of them but they have much potential

[fosliie]

The end result of my own reckless impulsivity

[twstwinnie]

Oh gosh I just stumbled on your writings your writing is so nice!, and I loved in a relationship with jamil and floyd they were so good 😭,im sorry if your getting a buncha these now may I request in a relationship with azul if thats ok?

✎ With You ~ Azul Ashengrotto

summary: the highly requested in a relationship with Azul! usual three categories! crushing, confession, and dating!

tags: hurt/comfort, fluff, mutual pining, gn! reader

a/n: I adore azul— this just took me forever bc of writer’s block! but!! here he is! i’ll probably spin a wheel for who I do next, but if you’re curious, the current requested are: jack, epel, sebek, kalim, riddle, jade, and vil! so if you were looking out for them, they’re coming soon! also, i‘ve been considering making a tag list, so yeah! anyway, enjoy azul!! — winnie <3

✎ starry - eyed !

» Azul is the type to vehemently deny any feelings he may have towards you. When you first met, he assumed that his interest in you was nothing more than seeing you as a potential business prospect. He kept a close eye on you, but as time went on, his excuses became feeble in the face of what he felt.

» He’d keep insisting that your meetups are “business research,” even going as far as taking notes after every meeting in hopes to convince himself that that’s all it was. However, as time goes on, he finds that he doesn’t even think about finances or his business when he’s with you. He becomes entirely invested in conversations with you and the happenings of your life.

» Upon realizing that he isn’t doing the “research” he foolishly told himself he was doing, his avoidant tactics only increase in strength. He didn’t like you— he couldn’t.

» He wants to convince himself that it’s bad business to get emotionally involved— that there’s no room for romance in his world, but deep down, he knows it’s all an excuse. Truth be told, Azul is terrified at the prospect of liking you.

» With his history of bullying, Azul doesn’t have much of a positive self-image. The people close to him know that his confidence is fragile, and the bravado he hides behind is built on a foundation of power. However, when it comes to the romance world, Azul is playing on an even field with everyone else that may like you.

» In such a world, Azul fears that he has nothing to offer you.

» You’re kind and generous in a way no one else is. Azul’s underhanded tactics aren’t a suitable offering for you. And if power and money doesn’t appeal to you— what then? What can Azul possibly offer to you? What did he have that made him the most suitable option out of the countless people vying for your hand?

» Nothing. That’s what. That’s why Azul cannot like you. Because if he did, it’d be futile.

» There is no contract. He’d be giving his whole heart to you with no guarantee that you’d give anything in return. He’d leave himself vulnerable to being positively crushed by rejection. He could handle losing in business— such losses came with the field, but in love? Tell him— what proven strategies can be put in place to prevent pain or heartbreak? What insurance is there when your heart is tattered with the pain of rejection?

» There is none, and Azul knows this for certain. However, as time goes on, he finds himself unable to deny his feelings any longer as he spends more time with you.

» You happily listen to his business ramblings, propose event ideas for the Lounge, and you’ve even mastered the art of reigning in the Leech Twins. You fit in so perfectly into his life, but that only terrifies him more. He finds himself scared of losing you, but unable to commit himself to the idea of being infatuated by you.

» In response to this standstill, he draws away from you. This way, he becomes used to your absence instead of your presence. Then, should you learn of his feelings, the rejection won’t feel as harsh.

» What he doesn’t anticipate, however, is that you take notice. You recognize this behavior almost immediately. Not only that, you call him out on it.

» “Azul, why are you avoiding me?” you ask as you walk into the VIP room. Azul pauses, surprised at your sudden presence.

» “I— well… What gave you such an idea?” he questions, attempting to play oblivious. You roll your eyes.

» “Ashengrotto. I know you better than most. I can see through that farce of yours. I’m not mad or anything, I’m just worried,” you say as you sit in front of him. “Is it the lounge? Studying? Do you need my help with something?”

» The gentleness in your tone warms his heart. His face flushes red involuntarily. “What would you want in return?” he questions. You laugh.

» “This again? Nothing, Azul. I just want to help you because I like seeing you happy. So? Did something happen?” you ask, tilting your head curiously. Azul looks away, biting back a fond smile.

» He supposes that, if you’re offering, he might as well get clarification on his situation. Of course, he does so without telling you it’s about you.

» After he explains everything, you hum a bit.

» “Well, why are you so hung up on what you bring to the table?” you inquire. Azul halts.

» “Pardon?” Azul tilts his head.

» “Well, what I mean is that a relationship isn’t transactional, y’know? It’s not about if you can bring ‘power’ or ‘money’ to a relationship. In fact, I’d say that that’s useless,” you insist. Azul hums.

» “Then, what do you suppose is the most important quality?” he asks.

» You smile softly. “Aside from being a decent person? Whether or not the person you like likes you back. I know you don’t like things being out of your control, but that’s the truth. I mean— you like this person because you simply enjoy their company, right? Not because they bring anything to you,” you explain. Azul nods.

» “That… is correct,” he mumbles.

» “Exactly. So, who’s to say it’s any different for them? If they like your company, that’s more than enough. They won’t need power, fame, money, or any of that. In a relationship, you and your effort are enough, Azul.”

» Azul’s eyes go wide as you explain that to him. While yes, it’s a simple concept, it’s something an over thinker like him easily forgets. He can’t help but smile softly and thank you for your advice.

» It’s then and there that he decides he must confess to you. Not only did he already like you, but the way you approached his problem with a level head and a kind demeanor only solidified to him that you completed him. When he approached a situation with logic, you reminded him that sometimes, it was better to be emotional. And when he got too emotional, you grounded him with logic. Above all else, though, you support him through so much.

» And Azul is nothing if not competitive. He refused to lose to someone else. He had to show initiative and confess to you first. If he does, you’d know how serious he is about you.

» With that, he quickly starts drafting up a few ideas.

✎ say the words !

» In the journey to come up with the perfect confession to win your affections, Azul faces many obstacles. The biggest one being his competition.

» Azul tasked Jade and Floyd to keep tabs on people who also sought your companionship. This resulted in the knowledge that, apparently, you were getting confessed to on a near weekly basis. Jade mentioned a few names, but they were all faceless students that he didn’t quite remember.

» While Floyd, with a strangely giddy expression, would always report that you rejected the potential suitor, Azul still became nervous. Would the next confession be a rejection, or would you accept? How would his confession stand out amid so many others? Were you even interested in romance, or did you already have someone else in mind?

» Eventually, Azul decides that collaboration is the best way to go about it. Attempting to find an idea himself is like talking into an echo chamber— it results in no progress. Initially, he turns to the twins for assistance, but they both give him eerie smiles. Instead of helping, they insist that it’s “fun to watch him figure things out,” thus denying any assistance.

» Azul knows he won’t be able to convince them otherwise, so he seeks help elsewhere. He considers a few options: Jamil, Riddle, and Ruggie, but ultimately decides that those are people he’d rather not be open and vulnerable with. Eventually, he settles on discussing the matter with Idia during their club hours. While he was certain the other lacked romantic knowledge, he at least knew that he’d receive brutal honesty in regards to the situation.

» “Idia. I have an inquiry regarding a personal matter,” Azul starts. Idia narrows his eyes at him.

» “Uh… I have no interest in your shady dealings,” he mumbles. Azul huffs.

» “It has nothing to do with my perfectly sound business practices!” Azul shakes his head. “Actually, it has to do with romance.”

» “Huh?! Romance?! Whaaat… so even a shady antagonist can have a heart,” Idia mumbles before continuing. “Uhhh my knowledge doesn’t extend beyond video games. Why bother asking me?”

» “Because I know you’ll be impartial. Anyway, I have a… friend that I’m rather fond of,” Azul starts, but Idia quickly cuts him off.

» “Not to ruin your moment, but I know who you’re talking about. You’ve got low-tier stealth stats. It’s obvious you like them,” Idia mentions with a sigh. “I mean, they’re oblivious to it, but still. I’m guessing you want some s-rank confession to woo them?”

» Azul pauses, shutting his mouth and huffing. “Yes, I want to… ‘woo’ them. I have no idea how, though. I’ve drafted countless ideas, but all of them seem plain. During lunch hardly seems romantic, and the beach seems cliche. I’m at a loss,” Azul admits. Idia stares at him for a few moments.

» “Please tell me this is some weird joke. Are you being real right now?” Idia deadpans.

» “What? I’m hardly joking! I’m truly at a loss. Why else would I request assistance?” Azul mutters. Idia groans.

» “This is like grinding hours for a total OP secret weapon, then not even using it in the final battle,” Idia mumbles. “You have your glitzy lounge, right? Close it for a day and confess there. Seriously, I’m a newbie in romance and I could even think of that.”

» Azul goes silent as he thinks about it. He’d always viewed the Monstro Lounge as nothing more than a business prospect. Though, the atmosphere was certainly ideal. He made sure of it himself. You did quite enjoy studying there, too.

» Azul let out a long sigh. It was so obvious that he almost wanted to slap himself for not seeing it sooner.

» “That is a great idea, Idia. Thank you. I’ll close it down early Friday night, then. Now, if you’ll excuse me. I have many preparations to make. And a lifetime of embarrassment to work through for not realizing such a simple solution,” Azul insists, quickly leaving the club room.

» With that, his plan is in motion. Jade and Floyd, while not willing to help him previously, are now willing to help put his plan into motion. They ensure that the Lounge is fully closed that night and pass on the invitation to you. Floyd cooks a specialized menu Azul put together, and Jade helps decorate for the occasion.

» After everything is ready, Azul awaits your arrival nervously. Floyd and Jade keep him company, though mostly tease him for being so clearly anxious.

» “Azul. At this rate, I’m afraid you’ll break the seat with how tightly you’re gripping it,” Jade mentions. Azul straightens, pulling his hands away from the chair he’d been leaning on.

» “Eh? To be fair his nervousness could be faaaaar worse. Imagine if we told him what we saw earlier~” Floyd teases. Azul tenses.

» “Oya, Floyd. We said we wouldn’t mention that to him. Now look at him. He’s even more fearful than before.” Jade smiles simply. Floyd laughs a bit.

» “Ah, well. Too late~ You know, they got confessed to earlier. It was another random bottom feeder, but~ figured it’d be better that you knew,” Floyd sings, smirking. Jade chuckles.

» “It shouldn’t be an issue. I’m certain,” Jade says. Before Azul can pry for details, footsteps echo through the lounge. “Oh? Seems our guest of honor is here. Good luck, Azul.”

» With that, Jade leaves, Floyd following him out. Azul lets out a shaky sigh and turns to face you, putting on his usual expression as you walk over, eyes wide as you take in the decor. Dainty lights were strung overhead and gentle flowers decorated the tables.

» “Wow, this is pretty. I knew you were closing early today, but I had no idea it was for this. What’s the occasion?” you ask with a bright grin. Azul smiles, pulling out your chair for you.

» “There’s no occasion. It’s simply a gift to you,” Azul states, seating himself after you. You give him a teasing smirk.

» “What’s this? Azul Ashengrotto giving me a gift with no strings attached? Color me surprised~” you hum. Azul blushes and rolls his eyes playfully.

» “You're speaking as if this is a one-time occasion. I’ve gifted you plenty in the past, you know. Or have you forgotten my generosity already?” Azul asks, faking a pout. You laugh gently.

» “Of course I haven’t forgotten. I could never forget the generosity and kindness that rivals that of the Sea Witch. I dunno… I guess it almost makes me feel special!” you mention. Azul pauses for a moment before looking at you.

» “It’s because you are special,” he blurts out suddenly. Your eyes widen and you go speechless. For a moment, the silence weighs heavy between you both before he clears his throat.

» “Forgive me… I know you’ve already leant your ear to another for a confession today, but could you listen to one more?” Azul asks softly, vulnerability lacing his tone. You wordlessly nod, keeping your eyes on him. Azul shifts a bit under your gaze but persists.

» “I’ve felt this strong affinity for you for quite some time now. At first, I thought it was just a mutually beneficial friendship, but then… I realized it was more than that. I tried to distance myself out of fear, but you managed to stop me before I could get far. You’ve always been good at recognizing when something’s troubling me.” Azul gives you a fond smile before continuing.

» “You reminded me that relationships don’t need to be transactional. That I’m enough. I greatly enjoy your company. I know you don’t want my money or my power, but it feels wrong to confess empty-handed. So, instead, in this verbal contract, I’d like to offer you two things.

» “First, a promise. I promise to do all in my power to make you happy, and to be a suitable partner. But more importantly, I’d like to offer you my heart. I cherish you more than any other. All I ask for in return… is an answer. Will you accept my confession, and the terms of my verbal contract?” Azul looks at you with bated breath. The air is tense and you don’t say a word, but soon, a few tears slip down your cheeks. Azul’s eyes widen and he rushes to your side.

» Before he can inquire about your well-being, you wrap your arms tightly around him, nuzzling your face in his neck.

» “Do you have any idea how long I’ve been waiting for that? Great Seven, I’ve rejected so many people just hoping that you might eventually say something. Yes. Of course I’ll accept. I’d love to be with you, Azul,” you express happily. Azul lets out a relieved sigh, embracing you and reveling in the feeling.

» “I’m sorry to have kept you waiting. You have my sincerest apologies,” Azul mumbles. You shake your head, pulling back to smile at him.

» “You’ll always be worth the wait, Azul.”

✎ at last , with you !

» Unsurprisingly, given that they were eavesdropping the entire time, the Leech twins are the first to learn about you and Azul’s relationship. Now that you two are together, they reveal that they’ve known the feeling was mutual the entire time.

» Azul gapes at them, angrily asking why they hadn’t said anything sooner. Naturally, they respond that it’s far more interesting to let these things play out without interference. As irritated as he is at the notion, Azul feels grateful. He feels much more sound in his decision since he had time to truly think it over.

» However, that brings up more curious questions to him. How long have you liked him? Who else knew of your feelings? Was he the only one kept in the dark?

» With a laugh, you express that you’ve liked him for quite some time now. This shocks Azul beyond words, but it also makes him feel elated and secure in his relationship with you. He can’t help but feel just a tad cocky. All of these people were confessing to you, yet you still chose him? It’s quite the phenomenon!

» Of course, as usual, you insist that he’s the phenomenal one. You waited for him because you loved him, and that’s a fact he should never doubt. Azul knows it’ll be a struggle to get past his insecurities fully, but when he’s with you, it feels like that goal is far more manageable.

» As your relationship develops, you two eventually find a nice balance. Azul is still running a business in tandem with his studies, so he gets incredibly busy, but you have your own obligations, too. You’d think that you’d have no time to spend together, but Azul goes out of his way to make time for you.

» Whether you’re silently reading in his office while he works, or he’s going over paperwork in your room while you’re studying, you two always find ways to spend time together. Even if it’s just being together in silence while you’re both working, Azul feels at home. Being in your presence is enough to soothe him.

» However, every so often, your schedules align and you’re able to go on a proper date together. Azul plans these as far in advance as he possibly can. The moment he notices that your free time lines up, he’s planning a proper date with you.

» Azul is (secretly) a hopeless romantic, so he adores having romantic dates with you. When caught up in a cold world filled with emotionless business decisions, it feels nice for him to be able to step away into the warmth of your company. So, his dates reflect that accordingly. Whether it be a private dinner or a stroll beneath the stars, he makes sure every date is one to remember.

» You allow Azul to be himself when he’s with you. He isn’t trying to run a business, make deals, or keep his grades up. There is no facade for him to upkeep when with you. He’s the same, sensitive octomer that he's always been ever since he was young.

» At first, Azul is still weary of being vulnerable around you. After all, you’re his beloved partner! He can’t stand to show a shameless side of himself to you. He wants you to think highly of him. He wants to show you his best. He can’t imagine what you might think of him if he were to show you that younger, weaker side of himself, let alone his merform!

» This all changes after his overblot, though. You easily notice the build-up of stress and the increase in contracts, given that you’re always by Azul’s side. In the beginning, you turn a blind eye to it all, but once your friends get involved, it’s hard for you to play clueless much longer.

» You assist in the plan to take him down, fully expecting Azul to hate you for it. Azul expects much of the same. He took things too far, and he hurt you. When you tried to get him to stop on your own, he didn’t listen. Instead, he pushed himself beyond what he was capable of and showcased the ugliest parts of himself to you.

» When he wakes up, you expect him to be angry. Instead, you’re met with a look of sorrowful shame. Azul can’t meet your gaze, face flushed red and eyes glossy with tears.

» “I-I’m sorry… I’ve shown you something so unsightly and I nearly hurt you,” he mumbles. He mentally braces himself for the breakup— for you to turn away and leave him behind. The worst part about it? He’s powerless to stop you. He’s lost all of his contracts, but he doesn’t care about that anymore if it means losing you, too.

» However, he’s surprised to find that you don’t leave. You let out a relieved sigh, smiling at him warmly.

» “Azul. I’m hurt that you went that far, but I’m more hurt that you didn’t tell me you were struggling so much. I love you. All parts of you. You didn’t show me anything strange. In fact, I’m glad I saw everything,” you explain gently, leaning your head against his.

» Azul regards you with a fragile expression, eyes wide. “You… aren’t leaving? Why? Why stay?” Azul questions. You hum gently, running your fingers through his hair.

» “Because one mistake doesn’t define who you are as a person. You’re still my Azul, even with your past, present, and future mistakes. I love you as is, good and bad. I’m just glad you’re okay,” you mumble. Finally, in such an intimate moment, Azul fully lets his guard down and allows tears to slip.

» “I thought I lost you, too. I don’t care for those petty contracts if it means you’ll no longer love me,” Azul’s voice cracks as he speaks. You gently wipe his tears away, smiling as you pepper his face with gentle kisses.

» “You could never lose me, Azul. My heart is yours. Nothing will change that. Now, come on. You still need to heal, so rest. I’ll be here when you awaken again.”

» Throughout his recovery, you remain dutifully by Azul’s side. He feels incredibly grateful to you for it. You saw the things he tried so hard to erase and accepted him in his entirety. His true form, his pain, his past— none of it phased you. If anything, it gave you a better understanding of him.

» Azul gradually returns to his usual, slightly arrogant self, but you can see the change clear as day. He still uses his usual dealings and business practices, but he no longer uses it as a means of coping with his perceived weakness. Instead, when he does feel that lingering doubt, he turns to you for support.

» And when he’s resting in your arms after a hard day of managing the lounge, he knows that he has no need to hoard power for the sake of protecting himself.

» After all, his heart is in the most capable hands possible.

» He’s yours. And that’s all he’ll ever need.

— fin.

[darqx]

You gotta go straight down

Some more Rire answers for your thirsty souls! And a quick sketch of Demon!Strade if you get to the end lol.

❗️For commonly asked qs please see my BTD FAQ

He would quite literally enjoy that

No no, it exists lol: [here] :D

Sunglasses XD

He has a small collection of sunglasses he acquired through the ages (each went from being a “necessity” to a keepsake of sorts as major shift in styles happened lol) 🕶

I would say gambling yes but more so in the games that require skill more than luck. Either way “The Game” is the most extreme form of it haha i don’t know what else would top that XD

He’s usually kinda neutral about it, but i think he does enjoy kissing if/when particularly used as a means for people to find out how sharp his teeth are. Like, surprise!

Oh yes many people challenged him, esp in his first like...30 years it was chock a block lol. Sollicio demons aren’t designed to look threatening per say and he was a new King, so lots were trying their luck to overthrow him. Since he kept winning the Battle Royales’ though potential challengers have wisely backed off and he doesnt get as many of them now.

For this exact kind of reaction

If by “fall” you mean “fall in defeat during battle” then yes, that is quite possible.

There are a few ways to take “play nice” XD He generally is “polite” to people (well, we know his version of it lol) so he would be as charming as ever. But no he wouldn’t need to, as Rire’s main enemies are potentially other Royals so the most effective way of hurting them would be politically. Any other people he has issue with he can pretty much hurt directly as they are not as strong as he is.

Oh i remember that one! It was actually someone’s rendition of what they thought Rire might sound like, not necessarily what I think he does haha, but it was very fun and i enjoyed it ^^ Tumblr blog search function sucks balls but i managed to find it for you: [here]

Of course you may! I can’t guarantee how everything will pan out though lol.

I, unfortunately, cannot draw animals lol. But in keeping with his colour scheme he would be a black and yellow/gold one.

No he would actually find it vastly more entertaining to see how they deal with the issue on their own. Maybe at some point he’d step in and offer a deal just to see how desperate they’ve gotten...and we all know about his asshole genie tendencies |D;

Is this a good smile or a i’ll murder you smile? We’ll never know.

FFFT realistically going by rock/paper/scissor ideals Angel!Rire would be the OTR (One True Rire) winner but if we go according to the og results of josh fight then the OTR would be...Baby Rire lol.

I have once before in a Rire answer dump, actually! [here]

I would absolutely love to do this some day! Like Gato’s cute little laser cut acrylic ones. Unfortunately at the moment it’s not very cost effective to have them made overseas and shipped to me for sending out, I’d either have to sell them at somewhat expensive prices or sell A LOT to break even |D But maybe one day (and with some BP characs perhaps)!

Dying for it eh ∠( ᐛ 」∠)＿

Seems like Patreon isn’t very NSFW friendly anymore though, from what i’ve been seeing on the sidelines.

Have some “suggestions” for me probably.

I dont know, why can you XD

[dangerouscommiesubversive]

Whenever commie is no longer busy and have time (and ofc would want to write it), would you be willing to make a complete list of those who would kabedon; and the list of "who would and would not say the f/curse word"?

Oh man, you want a complete list? Well, ok, let’s go show by show here, I’m gonna get really lengthy with it. Like, I can’t go through every character in every show, but I’ll hit what I think are the major points.

Fair warning before you mash the read-more: I did, in fact, go through nearly every show I’ve seen. This post is long.

We will start with Kamen Rider.

Kamen Rider 1号: I want you to look me in the eyes and tell me you heard my grandpa say a cuss. Go on. I dare you.

Kuuga

Godai Yusuke: is capable of saying fuck, but does not, because he’s too polite. He might kabedon, but not for any romantic or sexual reasons, just because he likes to be close to people and he gets excited about stuff.

Ichijo Kaoru: says fuck on a regular basis. I think he would kabedon unironically but only in the heat of the moment.

Ra-Baruba-De: doesn’t cuss because it’s beneath her. She’d kabedon Ichijo, but would follow this up with an attempt to kill him.

Agito

Tsugami Shouichi: does not swear and cannot kabedon, although someone else might do it to him.

Hikawa Makoto: might say fuck in a moment of stress, but rarely swears otherwise. He could and would kabedon, but only in situations where doing so would get a comedic result related to his strength and clumsiness.

Ashihara Ryou, the sexiest man in the world: probably swears like a sailor and would absolutely kabedon. The very thought makes me go weak at the knees.

Kino Kaoru: definitely says “fuck,” but I don’t think he does fuck, and he certainly doesn’t kabedon.

Ozawa Sumiko, however: both says “fuck” and does it. She will kabedon, and she will stand on Omuro’s shoulders to get enough height for it.

Ryuki

Kido Shinji: always wants to swear, but doesn’t actually do it. He could kabedon, but only in anger; the thought of doing so in a romantic or sexual context would make him blush and stammer.

Akiyama Ren: can and will say “fuck” at a moment’s notice. You know he kabedons.

Kitaoka Shuichi: says “fuck” quietly, when no one can hear him except maybe Goro. He would kabedon gently and think himself very sexy.

Yura Goro: is a sweet, sweet man who neither swears nor kabedons.

Asakura Takeshi: is saying “fuck” at this very moment. He would only kabedon as a prelude to stabbing.

Tezuka Miyuki: is on this list because I love him, but he does not say “fuck” and could not be induced to. He could be kabedon’ed.

555 (we haven’t finished this one so I can’t guarantee that all characters will be included)

Inui Takumi: I’m pretty sure he could say “fuck” but I don’t think he’s actually inclined to. Kabedon’ing requires a level of investment in whatever situation that I don’t think he’d want to admit to.

Kusaka Masato: oh, absolutely.

Sonoda Mari: swears all the time. Doesn’t kabedon because she expects someone to do it to her.

Keitaro Kikuchi: is a very nice boy who does neither of these things.

Kiba Yuji: contains vast lakes of suppressed rage, and if he says “fuck” even once it might all come out. Does not kabedon for the same reason.

Osada Yuka: says “fuck,” but only in her heart. Does not kabedon.

Kaido Naoya: says “fuck,” but only when he can’t find a more ridiculous option. Absolutely kabedons at a moment’s notice.

Smart Lady: does not say “fuck.” Will definitely kabedon you, and moreover she’ll do it with her leg to make sure that the situation is just, uncomfortably sexual.

Blade

Kenzaki Kazuma: is breathtakingly earnest but nevertheless does, on occasion, say “fuck.” Doesn’t kabedon because he’s too sad.

Aikawa Hajime: has neither the inclination nor the desire to say “fuck” or to kabedon.

Tachibana Sakuya: can say “fuck,” but mostly doesn’t. Also too sad to kabedon.

Kamijou Mutsuki: would say “fuck” to get someone’s attention. He wishes he could kabedon.

Kurihara Amane: is in so much trouble with her mother for saying “fuck.”

Hibiki

Hibiki/Hidaka Hitoshi: is An Dad, and thus is theoretically capable of saying “fuck,” but if he does then it means the situation’s gotten pretty serious. (Or he’s hit his thumb with a hammer.) He can definitely kabedon, but we’ll never see him do it, because that means the situation’s gotten a different kind of serious.

Ibuki: has too much self-control and dignity to say “fuck,” but said it when he was younger. Doesn’t kabedon because it’s just...not the right vibe for him.

Todoroki: has considered saying “fuck,” but the prospect makes him blush. Cannot kabedon to save his life but desperately wishes that he could.

Zanki: comfortable with the word “fuck” but uses it sparingly. Doesn’t seem like a kabedon type.

The Children: Asumu, Kyosuke, and Akira can all definitely say “fuck” just by dint of being high schoolers brimming with all kinds of messy emotions. Kyosuke would definitely attempt to kabedon someone, although he might not do it well.

The Tachibana Sisters: anyone who runs a restaurant can say “fuck.”

Kabuki: like Miyuki, above, is included because I adore him, even though he’s a movie-exclusive character. Definitely says “fuck.” Might kabedon in the process of tricking someone, but wouldn’t do it seriously.

Kabuto

Tendou Souji: feels that saying “fuck” is beneath him. Wouldn’t kabedon so much as he’d very gently brace himself against the wall and lean in, which, let’s be real, is much sexier.

Tendou Juka: you know that comic that people have done all those redraws of? I think this one is the original? This is an accurate representation of what would happen to someone, possibly Kagami, if Juka said “fuck.”

Kagami Arata: is all the time saying “fuck,” at least in his head, but doesn’t often say it out loud because it would draw the wrong kind of attention. Would kabedon Souji, probably, who would be surprised and then quietly delighted.

Kusakabe Hiyori: unlikely to say “fuck,” and if she did I suspect Tendou would take it badly (see above entry for Juka). Might be kabedon’ed, but would definitely knee the perpetrator in the groin.

Kamishiro Tsurugi: my beautiful son does not know what the word “fuck” means, but would definitely kabedon because he’s excitable.

Yaguruma Sou and Kageyama Shun: get one line because they do things together--imagine, if you will, Yaguruma saying “fuck” and Kageyama echoing him quietly a moment later. They would also kabedon together.

Kazama Daisuke: would say “fuck” very quietly. Does not kabedon.

Den-O

Nogami Ryotaro: cannot say any swear words without suffering a potentially fatal nosebleed. May have kabedon’ed once in a dream, but the thought of him attempting it in real life is actually laughable.

Hana: says “fuck” as an adult. As a child, says it more. Does not kabedon, because why bother?

Naomi: can do whatever she likes and I will support her.

Momotaros: says “fuck” regularly and with gusto. Kabedons as a greeting.

Urataros: does not use any curse words because women find them off-putting--unless the woman he’s with swears, in which case he does too. Will kabedon if it is situationally appropriate for getting laid.

Ryuutaros: see, again, this comic, but this time the person doing the shocked face and then later the punching is me. He does not know what a kabedon is.

Kintaros: is probably asleep. Believes that excessive swearing is unmanly. Doesn’t see the point of kabedon.

Sieg: believes that excessive swearing is unfit for a prince, but will very occasionally say “fuck” if it’ll get every eye in the room on him. Unaware of kabedon.

Kiva

Kurenai Wataru: does not.

Kurenai Otoya: does both, vigorously.

Asou Megumi: says “fuck,” doesn’t kabedon. Would encourage someone else to kabedon her though.

Asou Yuri: absolutely says “fuck” all the time, might kabedon Otoya to shut him up.

Jirou: I actually don’t think he swears? Definitely kabedons though.

Nago Keisuke: says “fuck,” but feels bad about it afterwards. Might kabedon from anger, or if induced to by Megumi.

Nobori Taiga: is far too polite to say “fuck,” but occasionally thinks it. Does not kabedon.

Decade

Kadoya Tsukasa: there is no question that he says “fuck” all the time. Not the romantic kabedon type, much to Daiki’s disappointment. May kabedon in other situations, though.

Kaitou Daiki: says “fuck” only occasionally, but with feeling. Would like Tsukasa to kabedon him.

Hikari Natsumi: says “fuck” regularly and energetically. Will sit on Yuusuke’s shoulders to kabedon Tsukasa.

Onodera Yuusuke: does not say “fuck” at all. Cannot kabedon because he is too busy giving Natsumi a boost.

W

Hidari Shoutaro: believes that saying “fuck” is unbecoming of a true man, but still says it if he stubs his toe. Kabedons unintentionally and then blushes when he realizes what he’s done.

Philip: has said “fuck” a total of once and then went down a rabbit hole looking into its etymology. Kabedons intentionally and with forethought, and then completely loses the thread of things as soon as Shoutaro starts blushing.

Narumi Akiko: says “fuck” just to shock Shoutaro. Definitely kabedon’ed Terui at least once, which he was unspeakably charmed by.

Terui Ryuu: is not open to questions about whether or not he says “fuck.” Only kabedons out of frustration.

OOO

Hino Eiji: neither says “fuck” nor kabedons.

Ankh: both says “fuck” and kabedons, and both are generally directed at Eiji. In fact, since he is only a hand, kabedon is an important part of his physical vocabulary.

Izumi Hina: does not say “fuck.” Would break a wall if she kabedon’ed, and thus it’s fortunate that she isn’t inclined to anyway.

Gotou Shintarou: would blush terribly if he ever said “fuck,” or for that matter if he attempted to kabedon.

Satonaka Erika: considers the word “fuck” an important part of her vocabulary, to be used sparingly. Kabedons Gotou, and at least once Date.

Date Akira: says “fuck,” but not in, like, an aggressive way? Just as an expression of mild distress. It does not occur to him to kabedon.

Fourze

Kisaragi Gentarou: is not legally allowed to say rude words. Would kabedon out of an excess of enthusiasm and then be deeply confused if the recipient blushed.

Sakuta Ryuusei: says “fuck” sparingly and only when it’ll have an impact. Does not kabedon.

Utahoshi Kengo: says “fuck” frequently and with enthusiasm. Doesn’t see the point of kabedon.

Jojima Yuuki: like Gentarou, is not legally permitted to curse. Kabedon would not occur to her unless it could be some way related to space.

Kazashiro Miu: says “fuck” occasionally. Kabedons when appropriate, which is rarely.

Daimonji Shun: wishes he could say “fuck,” but can’t quite bring himself to.  Doesn’t kabedon anymore, but he used to.

JK: only says “fuck” deniably. Strictly a receiver of kabedon.

Nozama Tomoko: doesn’t use curse words, she uses curses. Doesn’t kabedon, but appreciates it when she sees others do it.

Wizard

Souma Haruto: definitely says “fuck” sometimes. Prefers a flirtatious lean against a convenient wall over kabedon.

Nitoh Kosuke: says "fuck," but only if his grandma can't hear him--unless there's a notable archeological discovery in the offing, in which case all bets are off. Thinks he's too slick to kabedon, but he's not.

Fueki Koyomi: no.

Nara Shunpei: absolutely not.

Daimon Rinko: has said "fuck" on occasion and would certainly do it again. I can't imagine a kabedon from her though.

Gaim

Kazuraba Kouta: seems like he secretly swears kind of a lot. Does not kabedon because he is, at base, a deeply non-aggressive individual.

Kumon Kaito: says "fuck" at least once a day. Absolutely kabedons, but mainly because he's annoyed and slapping a person seems tactically unsound.

Kureshima Mitsuzane (Micchi): says "fuck" to sound edgy. Would like to kabedon but no one would take it seriously.

Kureshima Takatora: will use the word "fuck" sparingly, and only to indicate that The Situation Has Gotten Bad Indeed. Does not know what kabedon is.

Sengoku Ryouma: says "fuck" occasionally, and with malicious good cheer. Does not kabedon, but if he would like to give it a shot, I am available.

Takatsukasa Mai: says "fuck" quietly but with frequency. Doesn't see a good reason to kabedon anyone.

Oren Pierre Alfonso: only swears in French. Dismisses kabedon as a thing for callow youths, but despite this he did once have a heated dream of doing it to Takatora.

Drive

Tomari Shinnosuke: says "fuck" if he's hit his leg on a table or something, but in more serious situations he does not curse. I cannot possibly imagine him trying to kabedon, it's impossible.

Shijima Kiriko: doesn't swear as much as one might think; "fuck" is for special occasions. Will use a kabedon to get someone's attention.

Shijima Gou: says "fuck" all the time. Would like to kabedon, but hasn't found the right person yet.

Chase: does not swear. Does not kabedon--he's interested in human behavior but that's just nonsense.

Sawagami Rinna: is a professional engineer and thus uses the word “fuck” as punctuation. Might kabedon, but it’s unlikely.

Mr. Belt/Krim Steinbelt: mutters “fuck” quietly when Shinnosuke isn’t paying attention. Does not have arms.

Heart: has said "fuck" experimentally but didn't like the mouthfeel. Delighted by the very concept of kabedon but hasn't done it yet.

Brain: believes that swearing is a sign that you have nothing constructive, intelligent, or amusing to say. Provided Heart with the comics from which they both learned about kabedon, and since then the thought of Heart doing it to him has occupied his every waking moment.

Medic: has thought about saying "fuck" but isn't sure that she really wants to. Stole those comics from Brain and now she, too, would like Heart to kabedon.

Ghost

Tenkuuji Takeru: the thought of saying “fuck” has genuinely never entered his head. More someone who is kabedon’ed than someone who does it himself.

Fukami Makoto: can theoretically say “fuck,” but mostly doesn’t. Would maybe kabedon if the moment seemed appropriate.

Alain: thinks saying “fuck” is sort of uncouth but does it anyway. Wants to know what kabedon is, please tell him about it.

Tsukimura Akari: does not get enough sleep or lab time for anyone to be able to stop her from saying “fuck.” Has kabedon’ed out of excitement, but never for romantic reasons.

Yamanouchi Onari: tries not to say “fuck” because he’s supposed to be setting a good example, but sometimes it just slips out. Definitely doesn’t kabedon, but that’s more out of cowardice than a sense of restraint.

Fukami Kanon: see the comic previously linked to for reference for what would happen if Makoto found out that someone had taught Kanon how to say “fuck.” Reads comics in which there is the occasional kabedon, kind of wishes Alain would do it.

Ex-Aid

Hojo Emu: doesn’t say “fuck” because he works with children. Doesn’t kabedon because it’s not his style.

Parad: absolutely says “fuck,” if only to see Emu drop something in surprise. Thinks kabedon looks fun.

Kagami Hiiro: is too uptight to say “fuck” and too shy to kabedon.

Kujou Kiriya: uses “fuck” as an expression of low-key dismay. Does his best flirting from across the room, but might kabedon if it seemed like the reaction would be entertaining.

Hanaya Taiga: barely even thinks of “fuck” as a word, it’s just a noise he makes when he’s annoyed. Kabedon’ing would require him to get much closer to people than he wants to.

Dan Kuroto: definitely says “fuck,” are you kidding? Even before he was a cackling supervillain he was, at least partially, a software engineer. Does not kabedon.

Poppy Pipopapo: no.

Saiba Nico: says “fuck” all the time as long as Taiga’s not looking. Will not admit to reading the kind of comics where a kabedon might occur, but definitely does.

Graphite: thinks all of this is human nonsense and yet is, despite himself, intrigued.

Build

Kiryuu Sento: probably says “fuck” more than any other main Rider. Yes, even Tsukasa. Is kabedon’ed.

Banjou Ryuuga: says “fuck” because MMA guys have foul mouths, although he did clean up his language a bit when Kasumi was still alive. Kabedons.

Isurugi Misora: if Misora says “fuck” then something terrible is about to happen. Would laugh at anyone who asked if she knew how to kabedon. Would knee anyone who tried it on her in the groin. Kazumi knows this well.

Takigawa Sawa: considers the word “fuck” an essential part of her vocabulary, to be used frequently and sometimes at a great volume. Knows how to kabedon due to spy training but does not use it in her personal life.

Sawatari Kazumi: says “fuck” all the time, unless Misora is paying attention to him. Thinks that kabedon is very sexy and that he’s very good at it; mileage may vary on whether this is actually true.

Himuro Gentoku: says “fuck” softly and solemnly when something really bad has happened. Maybe he kabedons, I’m genuinely not sure.

Evolt: probably does both, but I’m not getting close enough to check.

Zi-O

Tokiwa Sougo: doesn’t swear because it’s not kingly. Does not kabedon.

Myoukouin Geiz: surprisingly, does not tend to curse. Definitely kabedons, not always romantically.

Woz: doesn’t say “fuck,” because there are more roundabout ways to express his frustration. Kabedons, sometimes for romantic reasons and sometimes just to be weird about things.

Tsukuyomi: specifically uses the word “fuck” to indicate that things have gotten serious. If Geiz isn’t going to get around to kabedon’ing her, she’s going to do it to him.

Zero-One

Hiden Aruto: look obviously I can’t really comment on these characters because I haven’t watched that show yet but just from the clips I’ve seen I think Aruto would spontaneously combust if he said “fuck.”

Saber

Kamiyama Touma: says “fuck” sometimes, especially if he’s very tired. Thinks kabedon is kind of a tired plot device.

Sudou Mei: doesn’t think saying “fuck” is that big of a deal, uses it to express irritation. Agrees with Touma that kabedon is overused as a plot device, but likes it nonetheless.

Shindo Rintarou: oh my god no, definitely not.

Fukamiya Kento: uses the word “fuck” the way other people might use the word “moist”--it’s not a word he likes to say, but it has its place. Not generally aggressive enough to kabedon, but might if it seemed useful.

Akamichi Ren: is a teen edgelord and thus says “fuck” a lot. Talks a big game, but is secretly too shy for a successful kabedon.

Ogami Ryo: has tried to clean up his language since becoming a dad and been pretty successful with it. Doesn’t kabedon anymore, but did once.

Daishinji Tetsuo: says “fuck” when he’s working on things. Kabedon generally involves prolonged eye contact, so no.

Sophia: good heavens no, can you imagine?

Tassel: might be a divinity of some kind, can swear if he wants although he’d probably do it in French, but if he kabedons then I’m a walrus. I love Tassel.

All right, that’s Kamen Rider done! Now on to...

Super Sentai

AkaRed: if AkaRed ever said “fuck” I think something in the multiverse would be profoundly damaged--oh, hell, this is how Zenkaiger happens, isn’t it?

Dairanger

Ryo of the Heavenly Fire Star: doesn’t say “fuck,” but you might when you taste his gyoza. They’re the best in the world, you know. It has never occurred to him to kabedon.

Daigo of the Heavenly Illusion Star: is too gentle to say “fuck,” or for that matter to kabedon. (Besides, anyone who tries to kabedon Kujaku is going to be in for some difficulty.)

Bullet Shoji, Warrior of Love: used to say “fuck,” because he used to be in a gang, but doesn’t anymore. Doesn’t kabedon because he tries not to intimidate people.

Kazu of the Heavenly Time Star: doesn’t say “fuck,” he just kinda makes a hiss noise if he’s irritated. Doesn’t object to kabedon in theory but not interested in doing it himself.

Rin of the Heavenly Wind Star: does sometimes say “fuck,” much to her uncle’s dismay. Does not kabedon.

Kou of the Howling New Star: is a horrible child and says “fuck” regularly. Too immature to be allowed to kabedon.

Kakuranger

Tsuruhime: does not say “fuck,” because if she’s mad she can just smack someone. She is fairly sure that people don’t actually kabedon in real life.

Sasuke: has said “fuck” once or twice but mostly tries not to. Too friendly to kabedon.

Saizou and Seikai: get one line because they’re attached at the hip. They are too goofy to say “fuck,” and would only ever manage to kabedon each other.

Jiraiya: not only does he say “fuck,” he will actually be saying “fuck” and not a Japanese equivalent, because he is more comfortable speaking English. I cannot imagine this man attempting to kabedon.

Ninjaman: is tremendously excited to learn about modern cursing, but never actually uses the words he’s learned because his teachers would be mad at him. Naturally too large to practice safe kabedon.

Hurricaneger

Please know that I’m not very far into this series yet, so this is based on fairly early impressions.

Shiina Yousuke: does not say “fuck” but often wants to. Doesn’t kabedon because it seems really aggressive, especially if you’re trying to kiss someone.

Nono Nanami: sometimes thinks the word “fuck” but doesn’t say it. While she’s read a few comics which contain kabedon, the thought of putting the concept into practice has never occurred to her.

Bitou Kouta: would never say “fuck” because children might hear him. Doesn’t kabedon because he’s a gentle soul.

Kasumi Ikkou and Kasumi Isshu: I just met these boys last night but I know in my heart that they both say “fuck,” and moreover they mean it. They also definitely kabedon.

Furabijo and Wendinu: can call me, please, I’m apocalyptically in love with you both.

Gekiranger

Same as Hurricaneger--I’m not that far in, we don’t even have the extra guys yet, but I sure do have some thoughts about the folks we’ve got so far.

Kando Jan: doesn’t even know the word “fuck,” probably has some cute repetitive term for sex that he uses instead. Doesn’t know what a kabedon is either.

Uzaki Ran: may say “fuck” very occasionally if she sustains an injury during training. Not inclined to kabedon.

Fukami Retsu: will pretend that he’s too in control of himself to swear, but does on occasion say “fuck.” Sees no reason to kabedon.

Mele: says “fuck,” but never when Leo can hear her. Doesn’t kabedon, would like someone else (*coughcoughLeocoughcough*) to do so though.

Leo: says “fuck” like he’s chewing on something and spitting it out. Definitely kabedons, but has no idea that this might have romantic or sexual implications.

Shinkenger

Shiba Takeru: does not say “fuck” anymore, because once he said it in front of Jii, who lost his mind. Could kabedon, he’s capable of it, but he’s a little too wound up in himself.

Ikenami Ryunosuke: would never say “fuck.” Not a kabedon type because it seems rude.

Shiraishi Mako: used to work with children, and thus didn’t say “fuck” for years, but now does occasionally--mainly while cooking. Doesn’t kabedon because she has other ways of getting in your face.

Tani Chiaki: is a Gamer and thus definitely says “fuck.” Nonetheless, respects women too much to kabedon them and the only men he might kabedon he is slightly afraid of.

Hanaori Kotoha: is a sweet, precious girl, very dear to my heart, who certainly does not swear or kabedon.

Umemori Genta: only says “fuck” if he cuts himself while preparing fish, or while arguing with fish vendors. Might kabedon to be goofy, but never seriously.

Kusakabe Hikoma/Jii: definitely had kind of a wild youth. Takeru once heard him say “fuck” to a kuroko while working on the clan accounts and has never recovered from the shock. Doesn’t kabedon anymore, but he did once.

Shiba Kaoru: doesn’t actually know the word “fuck” or anything about kabedon, and isn’t going to learn if Tanba has anything to say about it.

Gokaiger--one of the ones I’m sure you’ve all been waiting for

Captain Marvelous: I think we all know that the answer is yes on both counts.

Joe Gibken: says “fuck” quietly in serious situations, and loudly if Marvelous is deliberately getting on his nerves. Does not typically kabedon.

Luka Millfy: uses “fuck” as a general intensifier. Likes guys she can intimidate a little, so she does kabedon, but she mainly does it to Doc and Gai.

Don Dogoier/Doc: if you hear Doc say “fuck” it’s probably the middle of the night and he’s repairing an engine problem. Certainly does not kabedon.

Ahim de Famille: cursing is unladylike--not that she always tries to be ladylike, but she just doesn’t see the point there. Doesn’t kabedon.

Ikari Gai: probably uses some sort of goofy minced oath like “fudge” unless in the actual throes of passion. Doesn’t really have the poise to kabedon.

Basco ta Jolokia: only says “fuck” when no one is listening, because otherwise he might seem less than poised. Would kabedon Marvelous to get a rise out of him.

Go-Busters

Sakurada Hiromu: seems like he’d probably drop the occasional “fuck.” I’m of two minds on the kabedon thing; I think that he could, but I’m not sure that he would.

Iwasaki Ryuji: says “fuck” if he’s working late on some problem. Doesn’t kabedon because he doesn’t want to scare people.

Usami Youko: says “fuck” specifically because it gets Ryuji to make a shocked face at her. Might kabedon if she found someone short enough. She will never find someone short enough.

Nick, Gorisaki, and Usada: no, definitely not.

Masato Jin: says “fuck” with the casual manner of a man who has definitely not just dropped a wrench on his foot. Doesn’t kabedon, but has joked about doing so.

Beet J. Stag (the “J” stands for “Jueki”): says “fuck,” but doesn’t know what it means. Who would he even kabedon?

Enter: only swears in French. Would kabedon with one of his creepy tentacles.

Kyouryuger

Kiryuu Daigo “King”: is a ludicrously perfect shoujo manga love interest, and thus does not say “fuck” but does kabedon in a sexy way.

Ian Yorkland: says “fuck” on dig sites but not in polite company. Might kabedon if it’d make the girl in question smile, does not kabedon men.

Udo Nobuharu: used to say “fuck” sometimes, but doesn’t now that he’s helping to raise Rika. Too busy and tired to kabedon.

Rippukan Souji: is too uptight to do either.

Amy Yuzuki: doesn’t say “fuck,” just makes irritated noises. Might kabedon if it would get someone to stop screwing around and pay attention to her.

Utsusemimaru: is familiar with neither the word “fuck” nor the concept of kabedon, although he might learn about the latter from some of Amy’s manga.

Yayoi Ulshade: says “fuck” when she’s working. Perpetually disappointed that she will never get Daigo to kabedon her.

Candelira and Luckyuro: my beautiful wife and her adorable son have no knowledge of these things.

ToQger

Right, Tokacchi, Mio, Hikari, and Kagura: are all children and thus are barred from engaging with these things. Although I suppose now they’re all fifteen or sixteen, so maybe some of them have started cussing, but I refuse to contemplate it.

Nijino Akira: doesn’t know the word “fuck,” but if he did he’d use it. Doesn’t know about kabedon either, and wouldn’t use it if he did, because that involves getting way too close to people.

Wagon: much like Smart Lady, would kabedon with her leg, but in her case she’s trying to be cute and fun, not creepy. Does not say “fuck.”

Emperor Zett: can in theory say “fuck,” but hasn’t found an occasion to do so. Would kabedon to intimidate, I think he’d kinda puff up like a little angry wren.

Jyuohger

Kazakiri Yamato: will only say “fuck” if he’s just been bitten by an animal he’s taking care of, and even then only if it really hurts. Doesn’t kabedon.

Sera: doesn’t say “fuck” because there’s always something more cutting available. Would bite anyone who kabedon’ed her.

Leo: says “fuck” as long as there are no girls listening. Has been bitten by Sera at least once as punishment for kabedon crimes.

Tusk: says “fuck” about paper cuts, but nothing else. Doesn’t kabedon.

Amu: doesn’t say “fuck” because there are cuter ways to get mad. Doesn’t kabedon herself, but will take any kabedon from someone else as an opportunity to get them to do something for her.

Mondou Misao: says “fuck” sometimes, always apologizes directly afterward. Far too nervous to kabedon.

Bard: says “fuck” at least once a week. Isn’t clear on what kabedon is.

Uncle Mario: you leave Uncle Mario alone.

Kyuuranger

Lucky: does not say “fuck.” Might kabedon in a moment of high spirits.

Garu: is a polite man who neither says “fuck” nor kabedons.

Stinger: says “fuck” frequently. Kabedons with his tail.

Hame: says “fuck” quietly but often. Doesn’t kabedon, and would just vanish if someone did it to her.

Raptor-283: says “fuck” very rarely, but at great volume. Dreams of being kabedon’ed, this is canonical.

Champ: doesn’t curse, and thinks kabedon looks dangerous.

Spada: only says “fuck” in the kitchen, where he can say whatever he pleases, grazie. Could be kabedon’ed.

Balance: says “fuck” if he’s panicking, but only then. Might kabedon for fun.

Naaga Rei: doesn’t do either, and would be terribly puzzled if someone kabedon’ed him.

Shou Ronpou: said “fuck” once when he got his finger caught in the Kyuulette. Isn’t familiar with kabedon, but thinks it looks fun.

Kotaro: is ten years old.

Ootori Tsurugi: doesn’t say “fuck” because it’s not grandiose enough. Definitely kabedons, we see him do it at least once in the show.

LupinRanger Vs. PatRanger

Asaka Keiichiro:  might say “fuck” if he’s really angry, but would feel bad about it. Would blush if he kabedon’ed Kairi, but would still do it.

Yano Kairi: has been saying “fuck” on the reg since he was twelve. Would kabedon to make Keiichiro squirm.

Hikawa Sakuya: might say “shit” on occasion, but never “fuck.” Wishes he was the kind of guy who could kabedon.

Yoimachi Tooma: doesn’t say “fuck,” but does think it loudly. Too reserved to kabedon.

Myoujin Tsukasa: could potentially say “fuck,” but chooses not to. Not a kabedon type.

Hayami Umika: mostly has pretty clean language, but will say “fuck” when she’s sewing, especially if she’s just stuck a needle into her finger, which hurts like a bitch. Doesn’t kabedon herself, might giggle if someone did it to her.

Takao Noël: only swears in French, but does so in extensive and exacting detail. Kabedons, but in a chill way.

Zamigo Delma: thinks the word “fuck” is extremely funny. Would kabedon Kairi to make him uncomfortable, but if Kairi’s unavailable then he’s welcome to look me up.

Ryusoulger

Koh: has never said a swear in his entire life. Doesn’t kabedon.

Melto: says “fuck” often, but quietly, so that the others don’t hear him. Seems kabedon’able to me.

Asuna: doesn’t actually know the word “fuck.” Wouldn’t kabedon, like, on purpose? But she’d definitely do it unintentionally, please see this comic for reference.

Towa: will say “fuck” sometimes if his brother won’t catch him at it. Overconfident enough to kabedon, but I don’t think it’d occur to him.

Banba: says “fuck” if things have gotten very bad. Kabedons only rarely, when he needs to be very serious about something. Yes, sometimes that something is “I think about kissing you with such frequency that it’s interfering with my ability to focus.”

Canalo: doesn’t say “fuck” because Mosa Rex would be disappointed in him. Would never kabedon, if he even knows what that is, due to his overpowering Respect for Women. (It has never occurred to him that one might kabedon anyone but a woman.)

Oto: might say “fuck,” and if she did then Canalo would specifically blame Melto.

Nada: uses “fuck” as an expression of dismay, like, “well, fuck.” Not into the whole kabedon thing.

Tatsui Ui: might have said “fuck” once, but then was so embarrassed that she got a case of hysterical giggles. Absolutely does not kabedon.

Super Sentai is done! That was exhausting! Wow! On to...

Ultra Series

I have seen very few Ultra shows, so this section’s gonna be short.

Orb

Kurenai Gai: doesn’t say “fuck,” does curse in some kind of alien language. Doesn’t kabedon, I bet it’d make him blush, although mostly he doesn’t seem like the blushing type either.

Jugglus Juggler: says “fuck” regularly and with relish. Was once described by someone very wise as having “big kabedon energy,” which is to say, of course he does.

Yumeno Naomi: definitely says “fuck” and doesn’t care who hears her. Will kabedon Gai and Juggler simultaneously, one with each hand, and they will both be impressed and maybe a little turned on.

Hayami Jetta: says “fuck” sometimes, but not as frequently as he’d like people to think. Might try to kabedon, although he wouldn’t necessarily succeed at it.

Matsudo Shin: does neither of these things, as they have no relevance to science.

Geed

I can’t really say much about Geed, since we’re not even ten episodes in, but what I can say for certain is:

Asakura Riku: is too nice a boy to say “fuck” and not intense enough to kabedon.

Toba Laiha: definitely says “fuck” on occasion. Would kabedon with her sword.

Pega: is a child.

Igaguri Leito: does neither of these things, he is a sweet man. And I think Zero would disapprove.

Fukuide Kei: says “fuck” with frequency. I think he would, theoretically, kabedon, but there’s no one on Earth he’d do it to.

Belial: I haven’t actually, like, met Belial, but I’m fairly sure his existence is a concentrated dose of the word “fuck,” in the sense of, “oh, fuck, it’s Belial.” If he kabedon’ed he could destroy the planet, please do not let him.

R/B

I’m even less far into R/B, since I’m watching it by myself.

Minato Katsumi and Minato Isami: they do not.

Aizen Makoto: is too weird to do either of these things.

All right, we’re done with the brief foray into the Ultras. Now, last but very much not least, we have...

Garo

Of which I have only watched the original continuity, none of the Ryuuga stuff yet, so it’s a slightly limited take. However, I love all of these characters dearly, so here we go!

Saejima Kouga: is way too upright (and uptight) to say “fuck.” Doesn’t know what kabedon is, wouldn’t do it if he did.

Suzumura Rei: is a man who swears colorfully and at length and uses “fuck” to add a little bit of pep to things. Definitely kabedons, with varying levels of success depending on who he’s trying it on.

Fudou Leo: is a soft-spoken man, but nevertheless does occasionally mutter “fuck” quietly when he’s working on a Madou device. Blushes and stammers at the very suggestion of kabedon.

Mitsuki Kaoru: might say “fuck,” but only in the absolute heights of fury, which are rare for her. Not inclined to kabedon, but even if she was, who could she even do it to? The shortest person she might kabedon is Rei, who is seven inches taller than her, and it only gets worse from there. She’d need a boost to reach, and my dude Gonza’s back is not good enough for that.

Jabi: believes too strongly in the value of language well-used to say “fuck” except when absolutely necessary. Could kabedon with her leg, probably, and would if she thought it’d be useful.

Rekka: says “fuck” sometimes, mostly to express irritation. Most likely to kabedon with a knife or something.

Saejima Raiga, Mayuri, and Crow: I only barely know these kids but I adore them. None of them are allowed to do any cursing. They do not kabedon.

Madou Ring Zaruba: is a ring, so obviously he can’t kabedon, but he can say “fuck,” and I think sometimes he does.

The Moral Of This Story Is: never ask me for a comprehensive list of anything, because I cannot be trusted to do anything but go completely overboard.

[akaluan]

psssst. hey aka wanna talk about code vein meta and the life cycle of the BOR parasites -ser

The life cycle of the BOR parasites, huh? Those parasites, huh? The horrific, vampire-lite creating parasites that underpin Code Vein's EVERYTHING, huh?

SURE WHY NOT!

(Cut because Ser and I have legitimately done some "the ground is soft and I have a shovel" world building + a lot of these suppositions / worldbuilding is based off of story spoilers. So if you have no desire to read horrifying parasite / invasion worldbuilding based on Code Vein spoilers, skip this post, lol!)

Okay so, I'm going to start with some basic facts that Code Vein's story tells us:

1) we don't know where the BOR (Biological Organ Regenerative) parasites, the Horrors, or the Thorns of Judgment come from

2) the BOR parasites show up first, and are found because dead animals literally GET UP AND START ATTACKING EVERYTHING in search of blood

3) BOR parasite research initially starts as MEDICAL research, not to create Revenants for fighting

4) It isn't very long after BOR parasite research begins that the Horrors show up

5) all BOR parasites in the current Revenants are "artificial" (I'm actually suspecting that it's similar to using a weakened virus to train the immune system -- it's still a true BOR parasite, probably a cloned one, but it's been nerfed in order to generate Revenants that are in control of themselves)

There's a lot more than we get to see and that I'll be mentioning during this ramble, but these are some starting tidbits to build from.

So, first off.

BOR Parasites, which have never been found in ANY BIT OF PREVIOUS HUMAN HISTORY, are suddenly discovered. It's a medical miracle! Let's try to do some research on these things!

During the process of the research, gigantic beasts call Horrors suddenly appear and start wreaking havoc. Humans die too quickly to these things, so the BOR Parasite research is turned away from medical miracle to...

generating an army.

An army of pseudo-immortal soldiers. An army of pseudo-immortal soldiers that ALL REQUIRE BLOOD. And that, upon messing up and going into Frenzy, become Lost.

Revenants can be ashed (permanently killed) by stabbing the heart, where the BOR parasite resides. Becoming a Lost means that the BOR parasite takes over the entire body, not just the heart, and thus the BOR parasite itself becomes no longer vulnerable. Lost cannot be killed because upon taking near-fatal death, the parasite triggers dissolution and the body turns into motes that reform later in another place. (Revenants go through this same process when they take near-fatal damage that isn't damage to the heart. It's the BOR parasite's will to survive showing through.)

At some point, I'm hazy on the exactness of the timing, the Great Collapse happens and the Thorns of Judgment erupt from the earth and essentially rearrange the Earth's surface. The Thorns of Judgment are often a deep brown with glowing golden bits. I think there might be a few other colors, but those are the majority.

So in the process of all of this, more research is done and Project QUEEN is begun in order to find ways around some of the downsides of Revenants. Project QUEEN is carried out by feeding the subject Revenant the blood of (game says "all known animals" but I'm calling bullshit bc that's A LOT) many many animals, which ends up changing the Revenant and "evolving" (games stop using "evolution" when you mean "metamorphosis" challenge) the BOR parasite, at the cost of horrible pain to the subject and the feeling of harboring a growing monster.

Project QUEEN ends with the subject going into frenzy and becoming the Queen, who is ALMOST like a Lost, except... not as irrational / instinctive / driving to JUST EAT. The Queen is shown in several instances to fight intelligently, and seems to lead the Lost in some way. Drinking the Queen's blood (which is BLUE, btw! Every other Revenant is shown as having red blood, as are the Lost) is guaranteed to make a Revenant frenzy.

An INTERESTING note is that the Queen has access to... thorns. That look exactly like the Thorns of Judgment except WHITE AND SMALL

So now we get into "the ground is soft and I have a shovel and a will" area

We don't see many Horrors in this game -- we canonically see one in the main game, which is a gigantic canine/monkey-esque beast, and then three others in the DLC Depths maps -- but Mido (eugh, I hate taking this bastard's comments into consideration, BUT) makes a comment in the late game that Revenants and even the Queen are but stepping stones, and the Horrors are the next point in the "evolution" of humanity (STOP USING EVOLUTION WHEN YOU MEAN METAMORPHOSIS CHALLENGE)

Mido has also altered himself and.. essentially forced a metamorphosis of his own, making him look almost like a Lost except retaining his human rationality (not that he had much =| bastard) and ability to reason, etc. Or at least some level of it, since we can't be entirely sure how much his brain chemistry is being affected by the BOR Parasite and how much is just.. Mido is a fucking bastard like Kurotsuchi.

ANYWAY

Ser and I have shoved the puzzle pieces together in this order:

BOR Parasites and Horrors are from the same place, with the BOR Parasites leading the way.

BOR Parasites appear. Start to infect low level things, (animals etc) and begin to transform them into Lost. The Lost generate something called Miasma that affects other infected beings around them. Lost also become STRONGER via Miasma intake over time, which tends to... make them larger.

The growing population of Lost + Miasma serves as a beacon, drawing more BOR parasites to the planet. It's canonical that Lost blood (and also Revenant blood) affects inanimate objects -- it's called Ichor and it's used to make Blood Veils do their thing. The more Revenant / Lost blood that's spilled, the more "infected" the world becomes.

At some point, Ser and I believe that a BOR Parasite managed to essentially "infest" the planet itself. As a result, the Great Collapse happened, and the Thorns of Judgement appeared. I believe that the Thorns of Judgment act as a... a beacon of sorts. Where there were only a few Horrors here or there, there's now a veritable flood of Horrors, which accelerates humanity's desire to create revenants to fight. More revenants means more potential Lost. More potential Lost increases the miasma levels which makes more Revenants frenzy and become Lost, cycle continues.

Project QUEEN resulted in a "frenzied" but STILL RATIONAL entity that cannot be ashed, causes instant frenzy upon ingestion of its blood, and IS ABLE TO USE AN ABILITY THAT LOOKS LIKE THE THORNS OF JUDGMENT.

Proposition: Queen is not a Lost, Queen is A BABY HORROR.

Proposition: BOR Parasites are the larval form of Horrors.

So the life cycle, before humans intervene, looks like this:

BOR Parasites -> Lost -> Horrors -> [a "queen" is created] -> new planet is found -> Queen creates and releases new BOR Parasites on the new planet, cycle continues

When they come across humanity, the life cycle becomes a bit tangled, BUT:

BOR Parasites -> Revenant [a "queen" is generated in THIS stage and skips to Horror stage, but isn't truly mature the way it should be] -> Lost -> Horrors

I propose that the relics that are being handed around are Similar To But Not Quite Identical To the "eggs" that a true, mature queen entity would produce to make more BOR Parasites. Except in this case, I think that if they actually allowed the Relics to fully take over the bearers, you'd end up with more of the weird, "baby" queens that still need to mature before the cycle can truly continue.

So, in short, every Revenant is a Horror in potentia.

("In order to kill the monsters, we became the monsters")

Anyway, thank you for reading my long, rambling thesis on why Code Vein is a truly horrifying game no matter how you look at it or what ending you get.

=)

[ladylynse]

The Trouble with Ghosts: Lancer hadn’t realized how closely young Mr. Fenton’s school troubles–and the secrets he surely wasn’t telling his parents–were tied to ghosts until after that encounter with Phantom.

<<  < Part XII [FF | AO3]

-|-

Lancer wasn’t entirely surprised to see that he was missing one of the shrubs on his front lawn. The Shakespeare lawn ornament wouldn’t be salvageable, either; the poor fellow was bent up enough to have written Richard Armour’s Twisted Tales from Shakespeare himself.

Still, he stepped aside to allow Mr. and Mrs. Fenton into his house without a word.

“You said Danny’s safe,” Maddie was saying. “Where is he? What happened? Did he tell you?”

“Did you just find him after he got away from that no-good ghost?” Jack put in. “Did—”

“Danny’s doing remarkably well, considering the circumstances,” Lancer said. “Mr. and Mrs. Fenton, might I have a word before you go to visit your son?”

A trace of a frown crossed Maddie’s face. “You mean before we pick him up to take him home.”

“I sincerely hope that to be the case.” He gestured toward his living room, where he’d set out another chair and cleared up most of his books, banishing everything that didn’t fit on the bookshelves out here to his bedroom. He planned to find more permanent homes for them all once these more pressing issues had been addressed—which is to say, he planned to buy and assemble at least one new bookshelf, once he found one that would fit within his remaining wall space. It would be a rather cathartic exercise after all of this. “If you wouldn’t mind?”

“If this is about Danny skipping his detention again,” Maddie said slowly as they all settled into their seats, “I’m sure you’d agree that being caught in a ghost attack is a reasonable excuse for his absence, at least in this instance?”

“That ghost scum is determined to attack our family,” Jack added, not bothering to clarify which particular ghost he meant. Lancer dearly hoped he didn’t blame Phantom for all of this.

“On the contrary, Mrs. Fenton, it has come to my attention that your son has a very honourable excuse for all the detentions and classes he has missed.”

“Oh?”

“I’m afraid it’s his right to give you the details, and he’s agreed to do just that.” Under pressure, admittedly, but Lancer couldn’t see how they could do this without the cooperation of the Fentons. Besides that, it wasn’t right for Danny to keep this secret from them when it endangered his life. Were he a parent, he would rather make amends than continue to target his own child. The very idea of allowing this to continue as it had…. It was appalling.

“I’m afraid I don’t understand.”

“Your son has, shall we say, done a considerable amount of community service. While I cannot merely forgive every failing grade, I do believe that I can ensure that he receives partial credit for his work. I will also speak to my colleagues and see that they are more understanding of his absences, tardiness, and—if you’ll allow me to be quite frank—his inability to remain awake during class. With special allowances, Danny will be able to write makeup tests for those he misses and submit additional assignments for extra credit when need be.”

Maddie’s eyebrows rose, but Jack beat her to the question, saying, “You’d do all that for Danny-boy?”

Lancer spread his hands. “Really, it is the least I can do. I cannot speak for my colleagues, and I’m not sure how much he’ll allow me to share with them, but I do have considerable influence. We all know your son isn’t stupid; we merely had no idea what the problem truly was.”

“And his problem, so to speak, was community service?” There was a touch of hesitation in Maddie’s voice. The barest hint of incredulity. She knew that wasn’t strictly correct, but she couldn’t imagine the truth.

Frankly, Lancer couldn’t blame her. He’d have never dreamed it, either.

“Let’s just call it some rather unconventional extracurricular activities for now, shall we?”

“He was doing that—whatever that is—when the ghost found him,” Jack guessed. “So it’s made him a target of ghosts? And he can’t even carry around an ectogun in school? Are you going to talk to the board? Try to get them to make an exception for those who can prove they know how to use them? They shouldn’t cause more than a mild burn to human skin—”

“The no weapons policy will still include ectoguns,” interrupted Lancer. “At best, I can draft a proposal for your Fenton Thermos—a purely defensive weapon which cannot be used, accidentally or intentionally, against other humans in any way other than a conventional thermos might—but you would have to be prepared to draw up a distribution plan for those thermoses, as well as designated days they can be emptied or traded for empty thermoses. And I’m rather afraid the testing period would be quite extensive; we have no idea how someone might try to modify your thermos to achieve more nefarious effects, and we cannot hand any of our students, however much training they’ve had, a weapon that could be turned on others. Of course, the propriety of your design—”

“Perhaps,” interjected Maddie, “you could keep your proposal to just Danny and Jazz, given their experience and likelihood of being targeted?”

“There would still be no guarantee. Lockers are hardly impenetrable.”

“But they would be more likely to allow it, considering what happened to Danny.” Jack crossed his arms. “Extra activities or not, he was still on school property. At least try.”

Lancer ducked his head, acknowledging their points. “It is certainly something to consider amending—”

“I’ll draft the proposal and submit it to the school board,” Maddie said, “if you’re so reluctant to be associated with it. This is for my children’s protection. Even if it’s first dismissed, I want it discussed.”

She might not be quite so adamant when she realized how those very thermoses could become a detriment to her son, were someone to capture Phantom. True, Lancer didn’t think there were many sympathizers with the various ghost hunting groups that came through town, but Phantom had a lot of fans, and that wasn’t always a good thing.

Still, that was something that could be addressed in the future, and given what he’d learned from Danny, there was something else he wanted to address now. “Speaking of your children’s protection,” he began slowly, not sure if this was his place but not willing to let it go unspoken, “have you made any, ah, more recent safety amendments to your home laboratory?”

Jack and Maddie exchanged guilty looks, and Lancer had his answer before Maddie said, “The kids have their own HAZMAT suits, and they know basic lab safety and first aid.”

“Teenagers often believe themselves to be invincible,” Lancer said dryly, “and cannot always be trusted not to touch what they shouldn’t, even if they know better. Besides which, the safety of your own weapons and prototypes—”

“Danny told you how many of our weapons mistakenly target him?” Jack interrupted. “I’m working it out. I keep trying things. I’m going through them one by one. I’ve eliminated so many—”

“Please,” Lancer cut in, and Jack mercifully fell silent. He’d worried the man would bowl over his words in an attempt to justify what Lancer was beginning to think was a negligence so ingrained it felt normal. “I’ve seen a variety of your weapons. I own a few of your defensive ones. I can only guess how much you have stored in your basement and how dangerous even a handful of those weapons might be. I know it cannot be easy nor lucrative to be inventors, to run your own company, but you need to look into locating your lab somewhere else. It’s not just your safety or that of your children, though I hope that would be reason enough; were something to go catastrophically wrong, you might endanger your neighbourhood. Surely your desire to protect them in the future won’t drive you to continue to compromise their safety now?”

Jack raised a hesitant hand. “Did Danny tell you about changing the ecto-filter on the Fenton Ghost Portal? Because I, ah, might have exaggerated the consequences to get him to do it. More than once.”

Judging by the look on Maddie’s face as Jack said this, Lancer doubted she thought Jack had been exaggerating terribly, and that just made it worse. They were aware of what could go wrong and hadn’t sought to even look at potential properties to continue their research? Money was a factor, it had to be, more so than convenience, and pride might have kept them from asking Vlad, but considering the quality and quantity of weapons they produced, they were making something.

Perhaps, if they reinvested in infrastructure instead of buying new supplies to craft different weapons….

But perhaps that wasn’t what was holding them back at all.

Perhaps it was the ghost portal in their basement.

And the accident that could very well involve it, if Vlad’s had involved its prototype.

It made a cruel bit of sense. If Danny’s accident was indeed tied to the ghost portal, his parents did not know the details. And that meant that they couldn’t know everything that Danny had done with the portal, how he had tweaked their settings or whatever had gone on, and that meant they weren’t sure if they could replicate their results.

And they were afraid that they couldn’t.

Even if they didn’t know the truth, even if they didn’t suspect the truth, they knew there was something they didn’t know, and that had kept them from trying to separate their work and home lives even once safety had become an issue.

“Danny has left me to draw far too many of my own conclusions,” Lancer said slowly, “but he’s told me enough to give me cause for concern.”

Maddie straightened in her seat, recognizing something in his words before her husband. Not the right thing, perhaps, but enough of it. “Surely you don’t think we don’t care for Danny and Jazz?”

“I think you care a great deal indeed,” Lancer said, “but I fear that when it comes to your chosen occupation, you can both be rather…overzealous. To the point of preoccupation.”

“You really believe we care more for our work than for them?” Maddie’s voice was quiet. Cold. Lancer had never heard her angry before. A glance at Jack revealed hurt in his eyes at the thinly veiled accusation, but he held his tongue.

“I think your beliefs about ghosts can be a rather complicating point in your relationship with your children,” Lancer said carefully.

“We care about our kids,” Jack growled, “and we care enough to stop ghosts from doing anything else like this. The Fenton Spectre Deflector—”

“Mr. Fenton, I suspect both your children are more than capable of handling themselves in a ghost fight.” If Jazz knew the truth about Danny, she would have been helping him whenever Sam and Tucker could not—most likely, whether or not he thought he needed that help. She would be involved in more than a few isolated incidents, and she clearly knew the full truth about Vlad. “I do, however, wonder if you’ve ever taken the time to listen to them speak about the subject, or if you’ve simply contented yourselves with lecturing to them.”

“Of course we listen to them.” Maddie got to her feet, and Jack jumped to his as well. “I’m sorry, Mr. Lancer, but if that’s all you have to say, I’m afraid it can wait until after we’ve taken Danny home. If you would like to have a candid discussion about how Danny’s doing in school or at home, we can set up a conference once we know Danny is safe.”

Lancer didn’t rise from his chair. “I can assure you that is my intention.”

She smiled at him, but though her anger no longer showed in her voice, it came through in the lack of warmth in her expression. “Excellent. We’ll speak with you early next week to arrange a time.”

They didn’t want to listen to him right now.

He hoped that was merely out of concern for Danny and the fact that this conversation was keeping them from their son.

He hoped he hadn’t been wrong.

“Danny is just down the hall. In the bedroom on your left.”

Jack and Maddie murmured polite thank-yous before heading down the hall. Lancer took a few deep breaths but couldn’t steady his nerves. After everything that had happened…. Oh, for the love of The Railway Children, he hoped he hadn’t made a mistake, but it was far too late for him to second guess his decisions now. He’d make more tea—he’d happily drink the entire pot himself if no one else wanted any—and then join them. If nothing else, he’d have to apologize to Danny. His conversation with Jack and Maddie had not gone nearly as well as he’d hoped.

-|-

His parents burst into the room, all questions and concern, and Danny was happy he’d only eaten a little; his stomach was twisting enough that he wasn’t sure even that was safe.

Valerie pushed herself up and sat at the foot of the bed, neatly avoiding his parents as they came in with hugs and kisses and more questions.

Too many questions, considering they wouldn’t want to hear the answers.

“Mom, Dad, it’s okay. I’m fine.” A lie. His usual one. Habit. “Mr. Lancer’s been taking good care of me.”

“How long have you been here?” Maddie asked.

“Which ghost took you from the hospital? I’ll tear it apart molecule by mol—”

“It wasn’t a ghost.” If he was going to tell them the truth—and he couldn’t very well chicken out with Valerie right there, which come to think of it was probably the real reason she’d stayed—he might as well start there. “I didn’t…. I didn’t want to go to the hospital. I…I asked Mr. Lancer to take me to his place.”

“Sweetie, you know if you’re concerned about ecto-contamination, we’re much better equipped at home than the hospital, and we’d understand—”

“It’s not ecto-contamination.” He bit his lip. “I mean, I don’t…. I don’t think it is. Maybe it is. I just…. It…. That part doesn’t matter anyway. These—” he gestured at his injuries “—didn’t come from a ghost.” They came because I was the ghost. Except he couldn’t make his mouth form those words. “It was an accident.” Everything was an accident, except for the part where Vlad had specifically targeted him. “Phantom—”

“I knew that putrid piece of protoplasm was going to be involved!” Jack exclaimed. “Don’t worry, Danny, when we find him—”

“You don’t have to look for him.” He had to bite his tongue and swallow the urge to follow that statement with lies. Anything to mislead them. “He’s…here.”

“And not responsible,” Valerie said loudly as Jack and Maddie produced various weapons. “For any of this. Trust me, I was there, too. I was just lucky enough to get out of it unscathed.” They turned to her, but she answered their question before they could voice it. “I didn’t see Danny or I would’ve said something. I didn’t realize he was there until later.”

Man, she was good at that. Maybe that’s why she’d gotten away with ghost hunting for so long. He’d always figured her dad was more aware of her activities than his parents were of his.

Of course, now she was looking at him, obviously waiting for him to take what she figured was a golden opportunity.

Why did this have to be so hard?

“I was…hiding.” That wasn’t the right word for it. “I mean, I was there, but Valerie didn’t know I was there. No one knew I was there.” He didn’t know how to start explaining this. All he knew, now that those words were out of his mouth, was that this was not the best start. “She didn’t recognize me.” Was that any better?

“What do you mean, honey?”

Okay, clearly not any better. Why couldn’t he just come out and say it? I’m Danny Phantom. That’s it. That’s all he had to say. Three little words.

They probably wouldn’t shoot him immediately, considering Valerie was in the room.

Her presence should be enough to make them pause long enough to question him, as opposed to the usual ‘shoot first, ask questions never’ policy. They shouldn’t automatically assume that this was a trick of Phantom’s, that he’d developed the ability to shapeshift or something and was trying to pretend to be their son. Even though they already assumed ghosts were out to get them and were willing to use any trick in the book and….

Still. Valerie had taken it well. And his parents had in the past. Granted, they’d been a bit more prepared for it in the past. Somewhat. This wasn’t….

He should just spit it out.

“Do you remember when you first built the portal?” Maybe that was a better place to start.

His parents exchanged glances. “What are you getting at, Danny-boy?”

“My accident. In the lab. When you guys weren’t home, and I convinced you I didn’t need to go to the hospital once you got back. That I’d be fine. That I was fine.” He hesitated, watching as their expressions pulled into confused frowns. “I wouldn’t even have told you if I’d thought you wouldn’t notice we’d been down there. Me and Sam and Tuck, I mean. Because I was…scared.”

“Sweetie, you know you don’t need to be afraid of us. We don’t want you touching our prototypes because we’re not sure they’re safe for everyone else to use yet, and we don’t want you to hurt yourself.”

“I know. I…. Even though the portal was done, even though it wasn’t working, I just…. It was stupid. We were being…. We weren’t thinking. I mean, I still put on my HAZMAT suit, since I was poking around, but it was…. It wasn’t that I tripped on a cord and caused something to short out and something else to start working, or whatever we told you. I can’t even remember. The thing is, I actually went inside the portal. And then it…turned on. I mean, I…. I hit something. And then it started to work. While I was still inside.”

Silence. Fear on their faces. Concern, more like. His mom had gone white, and his dad put a hand on her shoulder to steady her. “Danny,” she whispered, “that could have killed you.”

That was the crux of it, wasn’t it? It nearly had. Maybe it really had. He still wasn’t even sure what he was. Poindexter had called him a halfa, and Danny had joked about being half ghost, but half ghost wasn’t really a thing. Half dead wasn’t really a thing, either. True, he hadn’t exactly tested the boundaries as far as he could have while Phantom—he still took air with him into space, even though he’d gambled that the cold and the vacuum wouldn’t immediately kill him, but…. Shouldn’t it have? If he was really human at his core?

He hadn’t thought about it at the time.

He hadn’t thought that he might not be able to change back.

Did that mean he really was more a ghost that could pretend to be a human than a human with ghost powers? What he and Vlad did, what Dani could do—was that just an extremely unique ability? Like his ghostly wail? Was that ability what really defined a halfa, just like shapeshifters had a greater control over their form than the average ghost?

Or was it just what Jazz had theorized, some infusion of ectoplasm messing with his DNA? Maybe it was just extreme ecto-contamination that should have killed him but hadn’t. Because of how he’d gotten it.

Just like Vlad.

“I know.” Danny looked away, not wanting to see their faces. He caught sight of Valerie’s horrified expression and turned away from her, too, only to find Lancer at the door. He had no idea how long Lancer had been standing there. He’d never heard the kettle whistling, but Lancer had reset the tray with a tea pot, a box of hot chocolate mix, and an array of empty mugs and spoons. His expression was more of grim acceptance than horror or surprise.

Maybe he’d guessed as much from what Danny had told him earlier.

Maybe he’d just guessed as much because he knew the Fentons pretty well after all those parent-teacher conferences he kept calling, not to mention all the ghost attacks he’d witnessed.

Danny tore his eyes away and stared at his hands instead, knitting his fingers together and breaking them apart and twisting them together again. “The thing is, when I first woke up…. I thought it had. Killed me, I mean. I was…. I was terrified. I wasn’t…. I wasn’t myself.”

He should look at them. Try to read their reactions. Gauge the situation. See if they’d figured it out, so he didn’t have to say it.

But he was afraid he might see something else in their eyes or their expressions. Something he didn’t want to see.

“My reflection wasn’t mine.” He didn’t want to be doing this. Why had he agreed to do this? He could have convinced Lancer to give him a bit more time, surely. Or at least managed to get Jazz here. She’d be good at damage control. She’d anticipate their questions and have answers at the ready, while he…. He wasn’t sure how much he was thinking and how much he was just talking to keep from outright panicking. “The boy in the mirror that looked back at me…. It was Phantom. I’m Phantom.”

He waited for questions.

He waited for denials.

He waited for the telltale whine of any of their myriad of weapons to power up.

Instead, springs creaked and the mattress shifted as his mother sat down on the bed between him and Valerie. Looking up, Danny saw his father sink into the chair Lancer had abandoned earlier. Neither of them said anything.

No one else did, either.

“Sam and Tucker knew from the start, since they were there when it happened,” Danny said into the stretching silence. “Jazz figured it out a long time ago. They’ve been helping me. I…. I didn’t know how to tell you, so I asked them not to say anything. To anyone.”

Maddie reached out and pried one of his hands free, gripping it tightly in her own. Now that he couldn’t go intangible, he wasn’t sure it was a grip he could break and stay free, and for a few panicked milliseconds, he thought she was grabbing him to keep him in one place. He wanted to pull back—had to actively fight the urge to pull back—and wait.

He knew it couldn’t have been a long wait, but it felt like an eon passed before Maddie said, “It doesn’t matter how you told us. It…it matters that you’ve told us.”

He couldn’t read all the emotions in her expression, but she wasn’t angry. She wasn’t ready to blame Phantom, to call this a trick, to pull him closer and hold an ectogun to his head.

And when his eyes flicked to Jack’s, he saw pride there.

Maybe they believed him after all. Maybe this wasn’t going to go as horribly as he’d imagined. Maybe—

“Breathe, Danny,” came Valerie’s voice, and he remembered to suck in a much-needed breath and relax.

And then he let himself change.

He wasn’t sure if his mother’s flinch was in reaction to the sudden light or the fact that the hand she now held was the gloved one of a ghost she’d long considered an enemy, but it still hurt.

It really, really hurt.

Even if she hadn’t meant it to.

“Danny-boy,” Jack breathed, but he didn’t say anything else.

“I’m sorry,” Danny whispered.

Maddie squeezed his hand and glanced back at Jack before saying, “We’re sorry, too, sweetie. For not listening.”

“And for making you afraid to tell us,” Jack added. He got to his feet and wrapped Danny and Maddie in a hug. “We still love you, son. Don’t think we don’t.”

Danny was pretty sure he heard Valerie mumble I told you so under her breath, but he didn’t care. He just hugged them back and let his tears soak into their shoulders.

(see more fics | next)

[forestwater87]

Your library info is incredibly cool and helpful but I have a bit of a specific question. I kinda did badly in college and continue to do badly (less than 3.0 gpa) and have been completing it very slowly. I failed a few classes due to not doing the work while unmedicated. But archival work is one of the few things I can see myself loving to do. Do I have a chance for grad school, or even getting into it?

I’m sorry you’ve had that experience! That really stinks, and I’m impressed that you’re still working so hard to get past that with everything you’ve gone through. It says a lot about your character and work ethic (which can work to your advantage; see #1 below). 

I have to admit, I’m not positive how helpful I can be; I’m very bad at most things, but my one talent seems to be getting good grades, so I don’t have personal experience with maneuvering academic struggles. I’m also not an admissions rep, though I do work in a (community) college so maybe I’m a little more familiar than the average joe? And I did work for our grad school’s library/archives department, though I wasn’t exactly privy to their acceptance decisions because I was a glorified secretary, but . . . well, who knows? Take all of this with a grain of salt, because I’m a big dum-dum, but maybe something here will be helpful. 

Or maybe someone super smart will rb this with a ton of useful info. That’s the dream!

Also, a lot of this is coming from a Princeton Review article about literally this topic, if you want a less personal and meandering version of the below tips.

TL;DR Forest’s Non-Expert Recommendations for Grad School Without the Best GPA:

Acknowledge it in your communications with the school, and maybe even your application. They’re going to see those grades anyway, so it’s not like more context is a bad thing.

Take more classes, especially ones related to archives and records administration, and nail those.

Kick the GRE’s ass and give a really good application overall.

Experience! Related experience!!! 

Get to know the school you’re interested in -- and make sure they know you.

1. I’ll admit, based on a quick glance through some of the archival programs in the U.S., it does look like a 3.0 GPA is just about the baseline for admittance, which isn’t the best news. (Unless you manage to get a 3.0 by the time you graduate, in which case you’re pretty much good for most schools.) My suggestion there would be, whether or not you can bump your grades up with current and future classes, sharing some info -- to your level of comfort -- about your situation in your cover letter/application: acknowledge the grades issue, explain the reason, and illustrate how you’ve improved since then. Even if your final GPA isn’t all that high, it’ll prime the admissions folks to look at it with the understanding that you had a handicap. Your grades are a story over time, and I imagine if you can show improvement and draw their attention to that via a cover/recommendation letter(s), that could be really useful.

2. Obviously, the easiest answer -- to say, not to do! -- is just “get your grades up.” Which is . . . not terribly helpful. The good news there is that the more classes you ace the better your average will be, so if you can afford (literally, in time, money, or spoons) to take some extra courses, you can drag that score up. Especially if you focus on courses related to archives -- English, History, Political Science, Public Administration, Computer Science, Data Analysis, etc. -- and blast those to smithereens, it looks like it won’t necessarily matter as much if you didn’t nail, say, calculus or physics. 

3. That above linked post is . . . well, yes, it’s from Reddit, but it does seem pretty good overall. Another recommendation it mentions is to do really well on the GRE; I talked a little bit about the GRE in my last post, and you can get tons of practice tests and other study material on their site; when I took the test back in 2015, you got the study material for free when you signed up to take the exam, but I’m not sure what the situation is there nowadays. That test is a big bucket of not-fun, but I can almost guarantee any program you look at will want it. In addition to being required in most programs, a really impressive score can encourage admissions folks to overlook your grades. (Note: this is basically true for any part of your application. If your resume, cover letter, recommendations, test scores, etc. are particularly banging, it can overcome deficiencies in other areas.)

4. Girl (or boy, or both, or none of the above), if you can volunteer, intern, or work somewhere relevant, not only do have an awesome potential reference in your supervisor/coworkers, but it looks REALLY GOOD on an application. Obviously now’s not a great time for this, considering the whole pandemic thing, but as stuff starts to open take a look at museums, historical societies, and libraries in your area. See if anyone needs help. The more experience you have, the more you’ll have to talk about in your cover letter, the more you’ll have to make your resume stand out, and the more you’ll be prepared for the actual program and life beyond. I cannot recommend getting some volunteer experience (or paid work, if you can swing it) highly enough.

5. Like most of what’s available, this is a bit dependent on your spoons, time, and maybe even money, but the sooner you can develop a relationship with the folks in the archives school/department you’re interested in, the better. Email them with literally this question; they’ll have a much more informed and specific-to-their-program answer for you, and might have some good advice. Schedule a tour (again, prioritizing your safety and those around you). Ask for an interview with the department head or a faculty member. Call with your questions. Ask about classes you might be able to take outside of the actual program to improve your chances of acceptance. We had students in our program who took a certain number of credits as a non-degree student, and then transferred into the program on the strength of those earlier classes; they were usually people whose grades or test scores weren’t up to snuff, so they could get a start while preparing to apply to the degree program. And in general, if the people deciding whether or not you get to go to school there know your name, your face, and your story, your application is going to get a lot more -- and more generous -- consideration than if they don’t know you from a hole in the ground. If nothing else, you’ll get a lot more useable information than I can possibly give you, and you’ll learn more about the program and the field to better make a game plan for your future.

I hope some of this is helpful! I wish I could say you don’t have a bit of an uphill battle because a pretty significant weight is put on GPA. It’s understandable to an extent -- they want to make sure you’ll be able to handle the courseload before you start -- but it poses an extra challenge for people who are already in difficult circumstances. Definitely make sure you talk to your advisor and the academic folks at your current school as well; there’s a chance that they’ll have some advice or even access to some resources you weren’t aware of that’ll make your current grade situation improve.

Good luck! It sounds like this could be a great path for you, and even if you have to take a bit of a roundabout way to get there, that additional experience and time will help you be more prepared for just about anything ANY grad school program or job could throw at you. I believe in you, and I’m here if you need to ask, chat, or vent.

[iraprince]

Do you have any tips for getting an audience of tumblr or Twitter. Sometimes I just get frustrated when a drawing I spent 6 hours on gets 3 notes or 2 likes and a retweet.

i think it’s really hard to have one size fits all advice for something like this — the internet is so vast, i only really know how to navigate my own specific niche of it, and different artists will always appeal to different audiences, so stuff that worked for me might not work for you. BUT i can try my best — i just can’t guarantee any of this is replicable bc especially with the new age of incomprehensible algorithms i just never know what’s going on at any given time

first off, a big disclaimer for transparency: a lot of my Big follower gains have been from my Hashtag Relatable mental health comics getting tons of notes. i do NOT!!!!! recommend making mental health content to try to get popular!!! i think doing so will put fucking worms in your brain!!! it will poison you and your brain will dribble out your ear holes like soup. i think that it is already complicated enough to navigate all the weirdness of like... making vulnerable stuff like that available for consumption, and doing it in Hopes of going viral and getting lots of followers can imo literally only end poorly. hhhhhowever, i would feel really weird if i like... glossed over the fact that i know that’s where a lot of my followers have come from, or acted like that didn’t happen, so. i just have to like, mention it. my takeaway here is if you’re going to make mental health content FOR YOURSELF because you WANT to, brace yourself for it to potentially circulate, and be ready to feel really weird about it, but i do not recommend it as like... a way to purposefully grow an audience.

ANYWAY. with that nagging out of the way. actual advice

1. fanart, but only of stuff you really actually like. it is literally just a fact that it’s easier for people to feel invested in and care about characters from stuff they’re already invested in than original independent content. it’s not wrong to court that! but i think u should only pour energy into fanart of stuff u actually like — not bc chasing after whatever the current BNHA-type thing is rn is “selling out,” who gives a shit, but bc the end goal is to have an audience who WANTS to see what YOU want to make. you want people who care about your specific set of aesthetics and interests, not ppl who will unfollow en masse the second you fall off trend. (if you DO tend to really like what’s super popular, there’s nothing wrong with that! that’s lucky for you, genuinely.)

2. self promo all the time. this one can be hard bc it feels embarrassing at first. you feel like you’re spamming people or being annoying or self centered. but listen: people follow literally hundreds of accounts. you remember every time you’ve boosted your drawing; most of the ppl who follow you probably didn’t even see it. and if they see it twice or three times among the literally hundreds and thousands of posts anyone sees per day that is not a big deal. stuff gets lost! timelines and dashboards move fast! i cannot count the number of times i’ve seen something cool and thought “oh i’ll check that out” and then five minutes later i’ve forgotten bc of information overload. you have to constantly remind people that you exist and that you make things and i promise you you’re not being as annoying as you think you are. (i know you guys don’t see this in practice from me much on tumblr; that is bc i don’t really like it here and i don’t understand the vibes. i never shut the fuck up on twitter)

3. follow and engage with your peers, not just people with 10k+ followers who have already “made it” or whatever. this is not advice about growing an audience so much as advice for not feeling super shitty while you’re trying to grow your audience. i’m not saying that people with tons of followers/bustling online shops/enamel pin empires are like a completely different category of person of whatever, that’s not my point; clout is not direct deposit and just bc someone is popular doesn’t mean they’re coasting by without worries; etc etc. but my point is that i used to only follow very popular, established artists who were, in my mind, “out of my league,” and i spent all my time beating myself up for not being them or being consumed with jealousy and resentment. but... spending more time with artists who are kind of at the same ssstage of figuring things out as i was, as much as any individual journeys can ever be “the same,” was much more encouraging and inspiring and energizing, and helped me reset my concept of what “success” means for independent creatives into something more healthy. don’t wear yourself out chasing after people who seem to be moving way faster than you, especially if it’s making you feel like shit! find some people who are walking at a pace you can relate to, take interest in their stuff, talk and form connections. you’ll feel better.

4. just draw the stuff you want to even if you don’t think it has audience appeal. literally just draw exactly what makes you happy. this sounds like i’m trying to pull some corny Just Be Yourself! Believe In Your Art! shit and i mean yeah i guess but i also mean that literally from experience there was a significant surge in interest + appreciation of my work when i went apeshit and just decided to do the most self indulgent shit possible no matter how cliche or tacky or cringe or whatever it was. people respond to sincerity and passion, i really believe that. people can tell when you’re having fun and they like it. who doesn’t wanna be around someone who’s always having fun

that’s about all the stuff that i think could be considered like.... more or less universal. i dunno!!! just keep at it. the internet is a nightmare i don’t really know how it works

[erekiosuncreativeideas]

The Part-Time Puppeteer - Chapter 02

<= Chapter 1

Summary : Lukas meets some new people and discovers that almost no one is this studio has manners. Also available on AO3 : https://archiveofourown.org/works/23828971/chapters/57463666#workskin

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YOOOO NEW CHAPTER I had started it a while ago and left it to rot until I posted the first chapter. And... I ended up writing 90% of this chapter in less than 48 hours. My old self would be so, so impressed with my current productivity.

Also.... You cannot IMAGINE how eager I was to post this chapter, mainly because of one character I fell in love with. You'll probably guess who it is by the end of this chapter. The drawing is mine, like usual. Mike's (awesome) design belongs to @levshany​.

If you like this story, don't hesitate to leave a comment or a kudo, it helps me so much !! I get so inspired and happy when I read your reaction, I'm so thankful for everyone reading my stories ! (after my 2 years long writing and art block, it feels absolutely wonderful)

Happy reading !!

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Chapter 2 - “Excuse me?”

Lukas’s family wasn’t exactly poor. His father worked in an office and his mother was a junior high school teacher, and both gained enough money to maintain the household and guarantee a higher education for Lukas. However, when the young man had announced to his parents his wish to study law in a famous university, uncertainty fell on his family. They could afford to send him to a less renowned university, though Lukas had always been a very good and serious student. The more his parents thought about it, the more they felt like they would waste their son’s potential if they refused him the future he wished for. Compromises had to be made and all the household began to think about ways to finance Lukas’s studies. Eventually, Lukas decided to take a part-time job in order to help his parents to deal with the financial situation he put them in.

Lukas was a perfectionist, even if that lead him to stay awake a few nights just to be absolutely ready for a usual test or a more important exam. Sleep was an issue for the young man: it was always in the way of his revising sessions! More often than not, he found himself falling asleep quite often during his less important lectures.

That’s why, at the present moment, Lukas couldn’t help but wonder if he was dreaming or truly awake.

All around him, people were moving very quickly, carrying extinguishers and buckets full of water. The young man didn’t have to think more as his arm was grabbed by an older stagehand, pulling him towards the huge fire in the centre of the room.

-“What are you waiting for? Use your goddamn extinguisher!” pushed the man while pointing to the flames. It seemed enough to pull Lukas back to reality and he obeyed. He joined the other stagehands trying to put the fire out and brandished his own extinguisher. He had to fiddle with it a little bit until he was able to disable the lock. Once it was done, he started spraying the flames with the extinguishing foam. The heat was almost unbearable and the proximity and movement of people around him made him even more nervous. A deafening fire alarm rang in the room, making his head hurt. He couldn’t believe that his first task as a stagehand would be to put a fire out! It wasn’t one of Lukas’s phobias, thank goodness, though it was still a very stressful experience to him. As if his student life wasn’t stressful already!

Fortunately, the flames soon disappeared under the foam, to Lukas’s great relief. He put the fire extinguisher on the ground, his arms sore for holding such a heavy object for so long. He was sweating a lot, both from the effort and from the heat. He dried his forehead with his sleeve, not caring if he was putting sweat on it. That was the least of his problems at the moment.

The student’s inner monologue was cut short as a voice was raised despite the commotion in the room:

-“Alright, people! Five-minute break, you deserved it!” The words came from an imposing dark-haired man, whose expression looked severe. He was wearing a beige shirt as well as black pants with braces. The man had a broad face, just like his shoulders.

Lukas let out another sigh of relief. No more than an hour had passed since his conversation with both of the directors and he was already glad to have a break‌. He couldn’t help but wonder if this job really was a good idea, after all… Yet, he pushed this idea out of his head: he needed the money, so until he found a better job, he would have to deal with this one. This was only temporary.

The man from before waved at him, asking him to come closer. The student was a little surprised but supposed that this person was the one in charge of all the stagehands. Lukas hadn’t been properly introduced to any of his superiors or to his job at all, in the end. It made sense that it would only happen after the huge fire. The young man obeyed and approached the other, trying to avoid bumping into the other stagehands walking all around him. He would never get used to crowded places.

-“Hell-”

Lukas didn’t get the time to introduce himself as his first word was cut short by his interlocutor:

-“Yeah, good morning,” said the man, not even looking at Lukas, his eyes scanning a document he had in his hands instead: “You’re a new stagehand, aren’t you?”

The student was frustrated at the manager’s lack of manners but decided to put his pride aside. This was only his first working day, nothing was going to be perfect, obviously. He extended his hand, forcing a polite smile on his face as he tried to answer:

-“Yes, my-”

-“Your name?” demanded the man, cutting him short once again.

Lukas could feel his annoyance start to appear on his face, though he did his best to hide it nonetheless. He certainly didn’t want to lose his job after all the trouble he went through to get it! He took a deep breath and replied, with the calmest tone he could manage:

-“I’m Lukas, Lukas Pryce.”

He didn’t see the need of saying anything else, as his interlocutor was likely going to stop him in the middle of a sentence. He took his hand back, well aware that the man wasn’t going to shake it. It apparently was the right thing to do, since said man finally looked up from his document to stare at him, examining him from top to bottom. The student didn’t like being scrutinized this way, though he did his best to stay silent and unmoving, waiting for the other man to talk again.

-“Yeah, okay. I’m Kaleb, I’m the one in charge of everything that’s happening in the backstage. I’m also your boss, but I guess you pretty much figured that out.”

Lukas only nodded, not wanting to be interrupted again. The manager rummaged through the papers he was holding and handed one of them to the student, who examined the first sentences written on it. It was a job contract.

-“You were hired on the spot, weren’t you?” questioned the man, though his tone showed it wasn’t really a question. Maybe it happened a lot more than Lukas first thought.

-“Yeah,” he replied while reading the paper he had now in his hands.

-“Well, okay, so… Technically, you’re not hired yet, so go fill that while the others and I clean this mess. Once you’re done, come back and give me your contract. Then I’ll give you some things to do until we figure out what particular position you’re going to get. Got it?”

Lukas nodded again and walked away. He spotted a white and blue folding table and chairs in a corner of the room, probably for staff breaks. Most of the seats were occupied, though some of them were still free. Thus, the student joined the seated members of the studio and put the paper down. He took a pen from his shoulder bag and started filling the document. Well, finally a calm activity! At least, minus the hubbub all around him.

However, as he was about to fill one of the last section, someone nudged him with their elbow. Surprised from the sudden contact, Lukas lifted his head, looking for the person who tried to catch his attention. His eyes fell on a young man who seemed to have the same age as him. He had black and white hair and was wearing a red turtleneck, as well as black glasses. He had a kind expression on his face. Was he a stagehand just like him? He didn’t seem to help the others, so probably not. Maybe an actor, then? His face was familiar to the student, so it could be the case.

-“You’re a new stagehand?” asked the mystery person, smiling warmly at him. Lukas couldn’t help but feel reassured at the nice expression: finally something good in this unbelievable day!

Lukas smiled back and pointed to the form he was filling:

-“Yep. Just got hired an hour ago,” he laughed, thinking back at the improbable interaction with the two movie directors. Lukas then extended his hands, not wanting to be impolite just like his new manager: “I’m Lukas.”

His interlocutor took his hand -finally, someone who had manners!- and shook it, still smiling.

-“I’m Mike. I’m the lead designer for puppets and costumes. Well, more puppets than costume these last few days…”

The mention of puppets caught the student’s attention. So, he wasn’t an actor, then. So, that still didn’t explain why his face seemed so familiar to Lukas. Why did he feel like he had seen this person somewhere before?

-“Puppets?” he repeated, amused.

-“Yeah. The team I’m in is working on a kids’ TV show, featuring puppets and stuff,” explained Mike: “But it’s only the beginning for now, they’re still looking for actors for the main cast.”

-“I had no idea this studio was making kids’ shows,” replied Lukas, amazed: “I only heard of it through the Conductor’s and DJ Grooves’s movies.”

The puppet maker laughed at his enthusiasm and shook his head:

-“Actually, that’s a first. You know how they have a hard time working together, right?” Lukas nodded and Mike continued his explanations: “Well, this time, instead of fighting over the direction, they’re trying to see if they can each focus on different aspects of the projects. The Conductor will lead the action scenes while DJ‌ Grooves will write and compose most of the songs and soundtrack. I mean, it’s already supposed to be the case usually, but they can’t help but focus on the other’s job anyway. This show is another chance of them minding their own part of the work and see how it turns out.”

The student rose his brows, surprised. Well, from what he knew about the subject, each one of their collaborations ended up having direction problems. It was quite a shame since they always had very good ideas, at least, probably before one sabotaged the other’s work.

-“Why a kids’ show, though?” questioned Lukas with a voice full of curiosity.

-“I guess it’s just a precaution process. Better to fail on a kids’ show rather than on an eagerly-awaited blockbuster, isn’t it?” supposed the costume designer.

-“Yeah, you’re right, it makes sense.”

The student looked around him, watching the stagehands cleaning the remains of the scene. He had no idea what they had been filming, but most of the props had been destroyed in the incident. They likely lost any footage in the fire which certainly wasn’t going to improve the tensions in the studio. The young man turned back to his new friend and finally asked the question he was scared to voice:

-“Uh, is it… Always like that?” he wondered, gesturing to all the people working behind them, wincing at the idea of having to deal with such problems on a daily basis. Mike laughed and gave him a sympathetic smile before replying:

-“Pretty much, yeah, sorry.”

Lukas felt the usual pain in his stomach appear from the sudden rise of stress. Not only did he have serious and important studies to deal with, but he would also need to do the same in his free time? Now, working here didn’t seem like such a good idea after all… His nervousness must have been quite visible because the other man put a hand on his shoulder to try to reassure him:

-“Hey, hey, it’s going to be okay, it’s not so bad!”

“Yeah, right,” thought Lukas sarcastically, probably showing a bit of this emotion unconsciously.

The costume designer stared into space as if he was trying to find something to say before lifting his head again, smiling at him widely:

-“Hey, wait, maybe you could work with us!” offered Mike, suddenly very inspired and motivated: “We haven’t started filming yet but we’ll definitely need stagehands soon! Plus, it’ll probably be way less wild than working on the Conductor’s action movies or DJ Grooves’s musicals. Not that I’ll have a lot to say in the matter, but I can still recommend you.”

Lukas opened his eyes wide at the suggestion. Wait, could it really be that easy?

-“You… You’d do that? Really‌?” The young man couldn’t believe it: how lucky was he being today? It was too good to be true! Karma was soon going to collect his debt at this pace…

-“Yeah!” exclaimed Mike, almost happier than Lukas himself: “You seem nice, plus you don’t have a lot of experience. It would be better for you to start working in a smaller and calmer team.”

Lukas was about to thank him for the offer when he was interrupted -again- by a loud noise coming from behind his back. The student turned around, curious about what could have caused such a loud sound. He was surprised to see a man entering the room, having slammed the door as an entrance. His hair was black and white and he was wearing a long green coat as well as black pants. The man was wearing converse shoes and round glasses. However, Lukas’s eyes widened not because of the man’s appearance or entrance but because he knew who it was. This guy was a very famous actor, one that Lukas knew very well because he had seen him in several movies by now. MJ, that was his acting name. Just like The Conductor, MJ had done his best to keep his real name a secret, for reasons most people didn’t know yet.

And suddenly, Lukas understood why Mike’s face had seemed so familiar to him: they both had the exact same face!

The student turned back to his friend with a confused expression. There was no doubt about it, he hadn’t imagined it: apart from their haircut and clothes, they looked absolutely the same. Lukas was about to ask about it but Mike forestalled his question:

-“Yeah, we’re twins,” he explained, though it was possible to see some weariness on his face. This was surely not the first time someone had asked about it. The student felt a little guilty, though it was a bit too late for that.

-“I had no idea MJ had a brother, let alone a twin,” admitted the young man, quite embarrassed.

-“We agreed to keep it a secret. I'm not a fan of the celebrity life like my brother is. I feel ill-at-ease in crowded spaces.”

Lukas rose his eyebrows, taken aback, and threw a glance at their surroundings. Welp, apparently, they didn’t have the same definition of “crowded spaces”, if all of this wasn’t bothering him. Maybe Lukas was just shier than most introverts? It was strange because he didn’t think he was much of an introvert until now. Yeah, sure, he spent a lot of time studying in his room, but it wasn’t because he didn’t like people or anything. Or so he thought. Now that he was actually in a place like this, he wasn’t so sure of it now. It did make him uncomfortable‌.

Even more, now that he knew that there were famous actors near him.

-“Hey,” greeted a voice behind him, very similar to Mike’s one. Lukas turned to the origin of the said voice and felt his heart sink in his chest when he realized that MJ had come to them. Fortunately, the actor wasn’t looking at him but at his brother. Lukas didn’t know how he would have reacted otherwise. He knew celebrities were people like everyone else, yet he couldn’t deny the sensation of stress he had at the idea of meeting one.

-“Hey,” replied Mike, with a softer tone, smiling at his twin. If they looked the same, their attitude seemed to be different. From the way MJ stood and dressed, he looked like a very assertive extrovert. Mike, on the contrary, seemed to be the complete opposite: with his red turtleneck and his very straight posture, he was the perfect image of the introvert concept.

It was like two sides of a coin: both looked like the other, yet they were not the same on many aspects.

MJ noticed the student’s stare and glanced down at him, absolutely unimpressed.

-“And who are you again?”

The actor’s tone was everything but nice or curious. The other sounded like he just asked that question because Lukas was in the way. No need to say that the young man’s frustration grew again: apparently, people had some problems with manners here. He still put his pride aside, deciding that replying to the provocative introduction wasn’t worth it. Instead, he extended his hand for what seemed like the tenth time that day:

-“My name’s Lukas,” he answered in the nicest way he could manage, then decided to be polite, for both of them at least: “I really like your movies, they’re amazing!”

His interlocutor smiled back while, in the corner of his vision, Mike looked away in embarrassment. What for? Lukas’s confusion intensified as he heard MJ’s answer:

-“Why, thank you!” replied the other, though it sounded too exaggerated to feel sincere. The latter didn’t shake his hand back either. Then, he looked above Lukas’s shoulder to read his soon-to-be-filled job contract: “Oh, are you a new stagehand?”

The question was asked in a particular way that made the student ill-at-ease. He couldn’t help but suspect the other’s niceness was completely faked. Though, he tried not to think about it and continued the conversation:

-“Yeah, I got hired a bit earlier. I helped to put out the fire.”

MJ looked around him as if he was only noticing the remains of the incident just now. His face immediately changed from cordiality to utter disgust. The sudden change unsettled the student, who didn’t know how to react. Next to them, Mike looked even more ill-at-ease than before. Why, did they have a bad relationship? Lukas couldn’t help but wonder, until MJ spoke again, making him come back to reality:

-“Okay, so this is all very interesting but-”

-“MJ, please don’t,” warned Mike, now frowning at him. Lukas had the impression that he was in the middle of a battlefield. This was extremely uncomfortable for him, who had no idea what to do with himself in the meantime.

-“What, I’m just socializing, as you told me to! Isn’t it what you want?” nagged the celebrity mischievously. Mike only glared in response. Well, this was officially more than awkward.

-“So, as I was saying…” continued the actor innocently, as if nothing just happened: “I need a coffee, two sugar lumps, no milk, and take it to my dressing room. And quick. Thanks!”

Lukas stared at the other with bewilderment.

“What?” The student was just astounded and didn’t know how to react at first. Did he hear that right?

MJ waved hypocritically at him, his true personality finally exposed. That’s why everything coming from his mouth had seemed so insincere! Just as he was about to turn away to leave, Lukas stopped him, full of mixed emotions such as confusion, surprise, but mostly irritation:

-“Uh, excuse me?” retorted the young man, absolutely offended.

MJ faked not hearing him, leaving the student and his bottled emotions seated at the table. Who did that guy take himself for?

Next to him, Mike sighed, rolling his eyes. He shook his head at Lukas in a tired way:

-“Don’t mind him, he’s like that with everyone. Except me I guess. Don’t worry, I’ll take care of the coffee.” The other stood up and gestured to the forgotten paper on the table: “you should complete that and give it back to Kaleb. I’ll speak to him as soon as I can. For now, just do as he says.”

Lukas agreed, still astonished by the interaction he just had with this so-called actor. Welp, guess he knew who was the evil twin between the two, now.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

Welp. Guess who ABSOLUTELY LOVED writing MJ ? You can read more about him here (warning : SPOILERS)

Chapter 3 =>

[odanurr87]

2019: My year in K-Dramas - Part 1

I’ve been getting into kdramas for a few years now, but I usually only watch one or two at a time. This year I watched a lot more (and that’s not counting The Bride of Habaek, which I dropped when it became clear it was a very bad adaptation of the manhwa; Crash Landing on You, which started airing a couple of weeks ago; nor Tomorrow With You, which I haven’t yet finished, what’s probably not a good sign), a few being rewatchs of old shows that I like. Seeing as it’s unlikely I’ll ever write up full reviews for each like I did for Goblin (you can read my review here), I decided to compile this list to tell you what I liked and didn’t like about each, what I feel worked and what didn’t. I’m also including a qualitative metric (Rewatch meter) that tries to gauge how likely it is that I’ll find myself returning to the show in the future (Low, Medium, High). Naturally, your very own meter may differ from mine.

For future reference, these are the shows I watched in 2019 and that I aim to cover in this series of posts:

While You Were Sleeping (2017)

W (2016)

My Strange Hero (2018)

The Secret Life of my Secretary (2019)

Angel’s Last Mission: Love (2019)

Strong Woman Do Bong-Soon (2017)

When the Camellia Blooms (2019)

Bring it on, Ghost (2016)

One More Time (2016)

My Girlfriend is a Gumiho (2010)

My Love From The Star (2014)

Descendants of the Sun (2016)

Regardless of which show did better, overall, I find myself drifting more and more towards Korean dramas than your run-of-the-mill American TV show, save for a few bright exceptions, such as The Expanse. Heck, they’re better than most Hollywood movies nowadays.

Since I’ll probably end up writing a lot, I’ve decided to split this review list into two parts. Let’s start with the last kdrama I watched and work my way backwards... if I can remember, that is.

WARNING! There will be spoilers so read at your own risk.

While You Were Sleeping (2017)

Bae Suzy as Nam Hong-Joo, and Lee Jong-Suk as Jung Jae-Chan.

Release Date: September 27 - November 16, 2017

Episodes: 16

Available on: Viki

Summary: Nam Hong-Joo is a young journalist who has had bad dreams about the future since she was a kid, but she has never been able to change the outcome. Jung Jae-Chan is a rookie prosecutor who moves in across the street with his younger brother. When Jae-Chan has a prophetic dream of his own about Hong-Joo being involved in a car accident, and the tragic events that follow, he makes an impulsive decision to interfere, changing Hong-Joo’s fate and that of police officer Han Woo-Tak in the process. When the three of them start having dreams of one another, they realize their lives are somehow entwined. Together, they decide to use their knowledge of the future for good, but changing someone’s fate is never straightforward, and the consequences for doing so may be more than they can handle.

What I liked:

The concept and writing. This is the second show I’ve watched, in chronological order, with Lee Jong-Suk as a lead where I’m really attracted by the concept. Imagine if you could take the precogs from Minority Report and give them (relatively) normal lives inside a kdrama. This is the result. Even better, having Hong-Joo and Woo-Tak have different and often contradicting dreams about the future makes for an interesting twist, as we see prosecutor Jae-Chan struggling to navigate these prophetic waters in search for the best outcome. Curiously, the show makes a point early on about how Jae-Chan’s the variable upon which their dreams diverge, but nothing really comes off it. Naturally, the concept of multiple diverging futures gives the show’s cinematography a chance to play around a bit, often comparing the same event in alternative timelines, or in the same timeline but at different moments in time. It may sound complicated, but it’s pretty to grasp once you start watching. Furthermore, the writing’s pretty tight all around, what’s not a mean feat when you’re juggling multiple realities, with some very emotional payoffs as the show draws to a close. Perhaps its weakest point is exactly how this prophetic dream ability is transferred from person to person (a theory is put forward which doesn’t entirely convince me), and the unnerving (and unexplored, fortunately) implications should someone less honourable were to have these dreams.

When The Nightmares Started. This is the best track in the entire show and if it’s not the main theme, it damn well should be. It has moments of calm, a hint of romance and hope, and that awesome shit-is-about-to-get-real cue starting at 1:38 that never fails to make a scene tons more epic. Your dish-washing experience will be 100% more epic playing to this track, guaranteed!

The Justice League (and friends). This show could’ve probably gotten on my bad side real fast if it had created a villain with the same superpower as the heroes (depends on the execution to be honest) and, indeed, I thought that was the direction it would inevitably take, revealing at some point that (evil) defense attorney Lee Yoo-Beom also had prophetic dreams and had been using them for his benefit all along, muahahaha! Instead, the show gave us three average people, connected by their prophetic dreams, who decide to team up and use these visions for good. It’s not always easy to change the future, as it has many ramifications, and therein lies the show’s narrative potential that it manages to exploit, perchance to its fullest. Even in the very last episode there’s a hint that maybe the people they’ve helped throughout also have dreams of their own that they use to help others, sort of a pay-it-forward chain. It may be somewhat unrealistic, but it’s a good note to end the show on all the same.

Kim Won-Hae as Choi Dam-Dong. Easily the best supporting character in the show, delivering a stronger and more rewarding performance than in Strong Woman Do Bong Soon, where he played two characters (he was pretty funny as the over-the-top head of development planning at Ainsoft), veering towards the more serious/dramatic/emotional end of the spectrum, although with some comedic elements mixed in. I was surprised by how strong his arc turned out to be, and my respect for his character went up by several points when his arc comes to a close and we finally put all the pieces of the puzzle together. This man can do both comedy and drama, so kudos to him.

What I didn’t like:

Mr. Perfect (also known as Han Woo-Tak). It’s not that I dislike him, far from it. Woo-Tak is so good, smart, selfless, and even good-looking, that he kinda undermines the OTP just by existing. He’s really setting unreasonable standards for any man to compete against. I mean, he even plays Cupid for the OTP... while also being in love with Hong-Joo! On the plus side, the show doesn’t really try to push the romantic triangle angle, what usually has mixed results. The one thing I did mind is how the show hints at him potentially being a better attorney/prosecutor than the main lead since that’s kind of Jae-Chan’s thing. I mean, if you take everything that makes the lead special and give it to someone else, is he still the lead?

OTP: A stronger performance from Lee Jong-Suk than in W, complemented by a relatively (and I cannot stress this word enough) weaker performance by Suzy in some aspects (I think Han Hyo-Joon’s Oh Yeon-Joo in W does sad love better than Suzy as Nam Hong-Joo, but it’s a matter of preference), results in a better pairing with more chemistry. Suzy is great and lovable at being the quirky Nam Hong-Joo (watch the video below if you’re unconvinced) and Jung Jae-Chan is a lot more vulnerable than Kang Chul ever was, but I was left wondering at times whether this couple would’ve gotten as much traction were it not for the strength of their past connection (especially with Mr. Perfect around).

Verdict: What can I say? While You Were Sleeping was an excellent show from beginning to end. If I were to nitpick, I would’ve chosen the end wedding to be the one between Jae-Chan and Hong-Joo since that honestly makes more sense, and maybe I would’ve made Woo-Tak more of a bro than a somewhat-but-not-entirely romantic rival (think Seo Dae-Young in Descendants of the Sun).

Rewatch meter: High

W (2016)

Han Hyo-Joo as Oh Yeon-Joo, and Lee Jong-Suk as Kang Chul.

Release Date: July 20 - September 14, 2016

Episodes: 16

Available on: Viki

Summary: W is a bestselling webtoon by cartoonist Oh Seong-Moo that follows the adventures of Kang Chul, an Olympic gold medalist framed for the murder of his family, who’s eventually acquitted and becomes a multi-millionaire who fights crime (think Bruce Wayne but without the costume). Tired of his creation, Seong-Moo decides it’s time to kill the protagonist and put an end to the series (much like Sir Arthur Conan Doyle decided to kill Sherlock Holmes at the Reichenbach Falls). Oh Yeon-Joo is Seong-Moo’s daughter, a doctor and passionate fan of W, who is one day mysteriously transported to the world of the manhwa, where she sees a dying Kang Chul and saves his life. Intrigued by his mysterious saviour, Kang Chul decides to learn out more about her and Yeon-Joo finds herself constantly returning to the world of the manhwa. Will Kang Chul learn the truth about her and his world? And if so, what will be the consequences?

What I liked:

The concept. It’s not an altogether original concept, and I’m reminded of Schwarzenegger’s Last Action Hero (Who Framed Roger Rabbit before that), but it’s also not one that you see often on the screen, big or small. The idea of being able to enter the world you’re reading about and meeting the characters you know and love is extremely appealing and there is some fangirling from our protagonist initially. Naturally, since she knows everything about this world, it’s good fun to see her inadvertedly reveal something that she couldn’t possibly know and deal with the reactions/consequences. What’s better is how Yeon-Joo tries to figure out the laws of the manhwa world by applying the real-world concepts of cliffhangers and dramatic revelations, often to hilarious effect. Seeing how the manhwa continues to write itself to reflect events in W’s world, and the reactions by readers (and by Yeon-Joo) in the real world is really entertaining, especially those from the more passionate W fans.

The transition between animation and live-action. I love the blend between animation and live action, as in the example below. There are more subtle transitions, like when a character’s hand oscillates between the real world and the cartoon world. Perhaps it’s a very simple filter but it looks good. Also, what little we see of the manhwa is very well drawn.

Han Hyo-Joo as Oh Yeon-Joo. Despite the fact that Yeon-Joo’s character becomes less proactive in the second half of the series (as I will discuss below), she was the one who really carried the show for me, certainly on the emotional side of the spectrum, where Kang Chul felt a little flat throughout (to be fair, he’s more the analytical type and he’s a manhwa character). She was also able to convey humour quite well, especially in the earlier, funnier, episodes.

The execution (of the first half). The first episode doesn’t waste a second setting up the story and there is never a dull moment. Watching Yeon-Joo read the latest episode of the manhwa and witness her reaction as she sees herself in the comic was gripping and I was eager to see what the next episode would bring. The show was also fairly consistent with the rules of travelling back and forth and what one could and couldn’t do in the cartoon world. We were witnessing an epic struggle between the cartoonist who wanted to kill his creation with his stylus and the daughter who wanted to protect him so much that she had willed herself into his world (if that’s not a good setup for a love story, I don’t know what is). And all the while, Kang Chul was putting the pieces of the puzzle together in his universal and unrelenting search for truth. Every episode brought something new to the table and, much like the manhwa, ended with some revelation or cliffhanger that kept you on the edge of your seat asking for more. Unfortunately, I think that was also its downfall.

What I didn’t like:

The execution (of the second half) and the overall pacing. I think the (relative) downfall of this series was trying to do too much too early. It worked for the first half because the show had a lot of material it could burn through and, in a way, it was refreshing that it was willing to do so. Sadly, my thoughts eventually turned from, “What’s going to happen next?” to “What can even happen next?” The story was moving so fast that I began to wonder where exactly it was going, and that’s when some of the flaws started to seep through. Episode 9 focused on the aftermath of Yeon-Joo resetting events, thus making Kang Chul forget all about her. While I certainly felt for her when she met her amnesiac husband, this was largely thanks to Han Hyo-Joo’s performance (and good track selection), for Kang Chul had been her husband in name only. Had we previously seen more episodes of their life together, this scene would’ve been a lot more impactful, and her desperate crying outside the operating room more heartfelt. Then, the plot thickens as we move into the (overly) dramatic second half of the show, with the introduction of a villain who knows about the real world and starts manipulating events in the manhwa for his benefit... by possessing cartoonist Oh Seong-Moo! What? This was never established as even remotely possible! (not to mention it doesn’t make sense) As you can imagine, this is whereabouts the rules of this universe start to break down and anything goes. Furthermore, when this villain is defeated in Episode 13, the show suddenly remembered it already had an antagonist perfectly cast for the part and finally decided to put him to use, although too little too late for my taste. As if that weren’t enough, a character is killed because drama, since any other explanation would make no fucking sense. This death is entirely nonsensical and I was beginning to conclude the show should have ended a lot sooner.

The amount of flashbacks/dreams/recaps/plans. I don’t mind a good recap or a flashback every now and then, but there came a point where the show started abusing this narrative device a little too much. The show spent a lot of time either: going over things we already know; featuring lengthy dream sequences that are very transparent and serve no purpose (although, incidentally, would make for a better ending); or laying out how events are supposed to go only for them to go in a completely different direction. While they are sometimes necessary, most of the time they were just padding that actually detracted from the story.

How secondary the supporting characters in the manhwa truly are. I know Kang Chul is supposed to be the protagonist but his bodyguard and secretary aren’t given a whole lot to work with throughout the show. I wish they had been active participants in learning the truth of their world rather than passive bystanders.

How Yeon-Joo becomes less proactive in the second half. Maybe it’s just a feeling, but I think our female protagonist became more reactive and less proactive in the second half, with Kang Chul being the one who mostly directed the course of events. It didn’t help that she kept fainting every now and then, what meant she had to spend some time in bed, what was a shame since she was the more interesting character. To be honest, I think the whole father arc should’ve been over and done with in the first half, with Yeon-Joo stepping up to be the new cartoonist.

OTP: Undercooked, but Han Hyo-Joo manages to almost convince me.

Verdict: It’s hard not to say W is one of the most refreshing shows I’ve seen in a while, even despite its more prominent flaws in the second half. I don’t like how powerful the drawing tablet became, especially after it was established that the manhwa could, at times, overrule the will of the real world, as clearly depicted when Kang Chul refuses to commit suicide. I’d rather the manhwa characters had resolved things on their own, aided by Yeon-Joo, without having to resort to some ultra-powerful plot device. Furthermore, I think the show should’ve taken things a bit more slowly rather than try to surprise us every episode, and use that time to build the relationship between Yeon-Joo and Kang Chul. Another thing I feel the show didn’t exploit to its fullest was the fact that Yeon-Joo knows just about everything that’s transpired in W’s world, what maybe could’ve aided Kang Chul in his investigation (sadly, this is undermined by the fact that the murderer really has no identity, what I find odd). Last but not least, Kang Chul never remembering his “past life” was a missed opportunity.

Rewatch meter: Medium

My Strange Hero (2018)

From left to right: Jo Bo-Ah as Son Soo-Jung; Yoo Seung-Ho as Kang Bok-Soo; and Kwak Dong-Yeon as Oh Se-Ho.

Release Date: December 10, 2018 - February 4, 2019

Episodes: 32

Available on: Viki

Summary: When Kang Bok-Soo was a high school student, he was falsely accused of committing acts of violence and ended up expelled from school. Those who brought the accusations against him were his first love, Son Soo-Jung, and a fellow student, Oh Se-Ho. Nine years later, Bok-Soo saves Soo-Jung’s life and suddenly finds himself a mediatic sensation. In order to improve the school’s somewhat tarnished image, he’s invited back to finish his studies. Bok-Soo hesitates, but when he learns Soo-Jung is a teacher there and Se-Ho is the new director, a latent desire to get revenge surfaces. Will Bok-Soo finally get his revenge on the people who wronged him nine years ago? Or will he spend most of his time doing anything but? The latter.

What I liked:

Teacher Park. He’s the kind of teacher everyone would like to have in high school and an example of moral rectitude that Soo-Jung tries to follow. You can tell he really cares for all the students and always tries to be fair and just, no matter the personal cost.

Soo-Jung’s arc. Probably the character who experiences the most growth throughout the show, in no small part thanks to her starting point. She’s the only teacher who stands up for her students, is willing to expose the corruption in the school, and goes so far as to quit her job because she feels she didn’t earn her spot fair and square (despite Oh Se-Ho telling her she was hired because of her qualifications). It is worth noting that when Mr Park gives the other teachers the chance to own up and resign honourably nobody does.

What I didn’t like:

The series meanders a lot early on. Initially, I watched till Episode 14 and dropped it because nothing was really going on. Bok-Soo says he wants to get revenge but his heart really isn’t into it. He certainly doesn’t have a plan like, say, Edmond Dantes in The Count of Monte Cristo, or Emily Thorne in Revenge. In fact, for those first 14 episodes, it only seemed he went there to suffer some more at the hands of the same people who wronged him all those years ago. What leads me to...

Son Soo-Jung isn’t a very likable protagonist initially. I don’t know if this is done on purpose to get us to side with Bok-Soo, but it doesn’t seem like a very smart strategy to have us dislike the lead’s main love interest for almost half the length of the series. I mean, that’s what the antagonist is for. It seems like at every opportunity she twists the knife on Bok-Soo’s back a little more, so much so that a hurt Bok-Soo outright demands, “Why don’t you just ask me what happened instead of constantly making assumptions?” (I’m paraphrasing) Her response, basically telling him to fuck off, didn’t win her any points in my book. That’s about when the writers probably realized their mistake and started filling us in on how Soo-Jung’s life was also miserable after Bok-Soo was expelled so please don’t hate her. They also pull a 180 when she stands up for Bok-Soo during a disciplinary hearing, what I thought was quite out of character for her at the time. The two seem to patch up their relationship awfully fast, what struck me as odd as they didn’t seem to have much chemistry. Having said that, Soo-Jung’s character certainly grows after Episode 14 and has a very satisfying arc, ultimately being the only teacher worth a damn in this school, other than Mr Park.

“Is Kang Bok-Soo’s revenge finally starting?” After I initially dropped this show at the Episode 14 mark, a video popped up in my YT feed with that title (only they used the actor’s name instead of the character’s). It was a scene where Bok-Soo went about exposing the many deeds of corruption within the school. Great, I thought, shit is finally hitting the fan... in Episode 26. I resumed watching from that mark until the end. The series had finally managed to get me invested, almost as it was over, and I decided to watch the episodes I’d missed.

OTP: There are some cute moments but I still didn’t feel the chemistry (what, ultimately, is my entirely subjective take).

Verdict: I don’t feel this is a true romance drama like others on this list, if ever it tried to be, what’s decidedly strange because there are many episodes dedicated to exploring the relationship between Bok-Soo and Soo-Jung with little else going on. Instead, I see it as more of a critique on the Korean education system and the immense pressures students are subjected to in order to meet unreasonable standards, with some romance elements sprinkled on it so that it’s not too depressing. That’s my take on it anyway. As such, it has some enjoyable aspects to it, like seeing Bok-Soo share nuggets of wisdom every now and then, or the students standing up for Bok-Soo and their school, or the revenge/investigation finally kicking into high gear. It’s just unfortunate it took so long to get there and didn’t really encourage me to do so.

Rewatch meter: Low

The Secret Life of my Secretary (2019)

From left to right: Koo Ja-Sung as Ki Dae-Joo; Kim Young-Kwang as Do Min-Ik; Jin Ki-Joo as Jung Gal-Hee; and Kim Jae-Kyung as Veronica Park/Park Ok-Sun.

Release Date: May 6 - June 25, 2019

Episodes: 32

Available on: Viki

Summary: The story follows Do Min-Ik, a prominent director at T&T Mobile Media, and his secretary, Jung Gal-Hee, as together they deal with the onset of an illness that prevents Do Min-Ik from seeing faces, the result of a possible attempt on Min-Ik’s life by some unknown party. On the corporate drama side, this undermines his shot to succeed his (jerk of an) uncle as Chairman of the company, and we see Min-Ik and Gal-Hee struggling to hide the truth of his illness and overcome the many obstacles set on their way to chairmanship. On the romance side, his inability to recognize faces causes him to mistake his secretary for Veronica Park, a rich heiress and leading figure in the film industry, whom he eventually falls in love with... what is kind of a problem since the real Veronica Park develops a crush on Min-Ik’s best friend, Ki Dae-Joo (also a director at T&T), while Gal-Hee falls in love with her boss. And, just in case we didn’t have enough corporate drama, we learn early on that someone may be embezzling from T&T and all the signs point to Dae-Joo. How will this all turn out?

What I liked:

Do Min-Ik and Jung Gal-Hee working together. Min-Ik is one sharp boss, and the moment he’s unable to recognize faces, he starts devising other strategies to recognize people, such as identifying them by their height. Gal-Hee pitches in with the different directors’ hairstyles, and eventually Min-Ik is even able to recognize them by their specific tics. Another example is the first stockholders’ meeting where they team up to prevent Min-Ik’s dismissal. Everything goes so smoothly that it prompts Veronica Park to ask Gal-Hee, and I’m paraphrasing here, “Did you write the script to this play?”

What I didn’t like:

The deceit lasting so long. Min-Ik doesn’t start as the best of bosses, we see that in the first episode, but that very same episode opens the door for him caring for Gal-Hee more than he’s willing to let on. The show does a good enough job of explaining his rather rude behaviour towards his secretaries and why he always fires them within a year, what makes the deceit all the more hurtful. However, the problem I have with Min-Ik not realizing Gal-Hee was pretending to be Veronica Park, is that this happens for 24 episodes! That means we only have 8 episodes left for him to feel betrayed about the whole thing yet also recover in time to start dating Gal-Hee. I don’t feel this was enough time to successfully explore their relationship.

How weak/bland every other story is. The attempt on Min-Ik’s life and the police’s investigation of it is handled abysmally, with the detectives only appearing from time to time to create what some writer thinks is drama. They’re so useless that the perpetrator actually has to turn himself in! I thought Dae-Joo was a bland character throughout, so I had zero interest in his relationship with Veronica Park. The same goes for Gal-Hee’s family. Even Min-Ik’s mother somehow pulls a 180 out of the blue. The only other plot thread that caught my eye was the possible embezzlement and that was wrapped up horribly, what leads me to...

No one facing the consequences of their actions. No matter how much the writers want to frame this secret organisation within T&T as Robin-Hood-like, the fact remains that they were stealing. Not only that, but they can be directly tied to the assault and attempted murder of Do Min-Ik, among other crimes. Sure, they’re all fired at some point, but they all get hired back thanks to Min-Ik. Nobody faces any jail time except for the guy directly responsible for Min-Ik’s accident who actually apologizes to him and turns himself in. The leader of this shadowy organisation comes out unscathed and has her machinations to see Dae-Joo become chairman of T&T rewarded when...

Dae-Joo becoming the chairman of T&T. What a payoff. The blandest and most uninterested character in the entire show becomes the chairman when the character we’ve been rooting for throughout, the only one who’s willing to put everything on the line to help the downtrodden secretaries, gets the short end of the stick. I guess it’s true when they say no good deed goes unpunished.

OTP: There is some chemistry there and I wish we had seen more of it, but sadly the (official) relationship between Gal-Hee and Min-Ik takes place a little too late.

Verdict: Usually, most of the kdramas I’ve watched and liked, to some extent, have some scenes that are imprinted on your mind (much like Gal-Hee’s face is imprinted on Min-Ik) and that you find yourself returning to from time to time. With this show, I honestly had to struggle to recall any such scenes, even with the aid of YouTube playlists. This is not helped by the fact that I can recall none of the music used, and that’s not a good sign. Memorable scenes and songs usually go together, as the next show in my list will prove. Ultimately, The Secret Life of my Secretary, while entertaining enough, didn’t live up to my expectations and, as such, it’s unlikely I’ll be rewatching it any time soon.

Rewatch meter: Low

Angel’s Last Mission: Love (2019)

Shin Hye-Sun as Lee Yeon-Seo, and Kim Myung-Soo (Infinite L) as Kim Dan.

Release Date: May 22 - July 11, 2019

Episodes: 32

Available on: Viki

Summary: Kim Dan, a troublemaking angel with a kind heart, is 24 hours away from Heaven when he meets the beautiful, talented, yet cynical and arrogant, prima ballerina Lee Yeon-Seo. Recently blinded by an accident during a performance, Yeon-Seo somehow manages to spot Kim Dan, who should be invisible to any human. His curiosity sparked, he follows Yeon-Seo around and eventually, in a fit of impulsiveness, saves her life in a car accident. However, for having interfered and saved a human’s life, Kim Dan is fated to turn to dust... unless he’s willing to undertake one final task. His mission? He must help Yeon-Seo find true love, but will he be able to keep from falling in love himself? Obviously not. And, naturally, Yeon-Seo has some evil relatives who are out to get her, because it wouldn’t be a kdrama otherwise.

What I liked:

The songs. I can’t vouch for the entire OST for I haven’t listened to it all yet (Correction: I’ve now since listened to all of it and it really has a lot of good tracks), but there are at least a handful of songs that will stick with you like glue. I can’t say if I like the songs more because of the scenes in which they play, or if I like the scenes more because of the songs that are used, but I can say the songs play an important role in engraving these scenes into my mind. Songs like ‘Sweeter’, by Jess Penner, that play when we’re playfully exploring the relationship between Yeon-Seo and Kim Dan; or ‘Pray’, by KLANG, when some important relevation or dramatic scene is about to transpire; or ‘Oh My Angel’, by Chai, that plays during the more romantic moments; these songs have made it into my Spotify list and are a must-listen on a daily basis for now.

The humor. Beyond the interactions between Kim Dan and Yeon-Seo, which sometimes make for very humorous situations, my hat’s off to the characters of Archangel Hoo, Dan’s senior (played by Kim In-Kwon) and Chung Yu-Mi, Yeon-Seo’s butler (played by Woo Hee-Jin). The former has dozens of opportunities for humor as he’s able to take the form of any human and keeps surprising Kim Dan by keeping tabs on him. The latter is probably the closest thing Yeon-Seo has to a mother (or maybe an older sister), and can be playfully mischievous when she starts noticing our leads may have feelings for each other. There are two scenes that perfectly embody the show’s humor that I would be remiss if I didn’t direct you to. Be aware they contain spoilers.

The leads and their chemistry. You cannot make a kdrama work if the leads don’t have some sort of chemistry (well, I suppose you could but it would be a bit of an uphill battle) and Shin Hye-Sun and Kim Myung-Soo have that in spades. This shows not only during the more romantic scenes, what’s expected, but also during their fights, what’s even better (if that makes any sense). This isn’t the first time I’ve seen L acting, in fact, he played the character of Yoo Tan in the short kdrama One More Time, with actress Yoon So-Hee playing his love interest, Moon Da-In. He sold me on that show then, as did Yoon So-Hee, but I feel his acting’s improved in this, or maybe the script and length of the show allows him to flesh out his character more, showing us more sides of his personality as the show draws to its end. And it’s really amazing to see how effortlessly Shin Hye-Sun can don the skin of the strong, cold, and harsh Yeon-Seo in one scene, and then swap it for the playful, romantic, and vulnerable Yeon-Seo that Kim Dan falls in love with in the next. Just watch more of those KBS World TV clips if you don’t believe me. These two steal every scene they’re in, but I feel Shin Hye-Sun is really the standout here. (At the time of this posting, Shin Hye-Sun has won the Top Excellence Award (Female) in KBS’s 2019 Drama Awards for her role in this show, so congratulations to her on an award well deserved!)

What I didn’t like:

How the show meanders towards the end. I laid out the plot in the most succinct way possible, but it’s hardly that straightforward. Dan’s mission should, in theory, be over when Yeon-Seo learns to love again, but then the show would then be over a lot sooner than Episode 32. The writers know that so they move the goalpost, at some point revealing that Dan also had to learn to love for the mission to be truly over. Not only that, but they both had to be willing to sacrifice everything for their loved one in order for God to believe their love was sincere or something, what leads one to think they need to commit suicide and the other to think they need to commit murder. I don’t know, by this point the show’s either stretching things out to reach the 32-episode mark or they’re milking each scene for every ounce of drama they can get, probably both. This problem gets compounded by the fact that...

Some (other) things don’t make a whole lot of sense. To start with, the theology and consistency on this show is all over the place. The same God that apparently ordered a couple of angels to shoot someone, gangsta style, because an angel broke the rules and fell in love with a human, is moved by our lead couple’s Romeo-and-Juliet love story and by Yeon-Seo’s ballet performance. Oh, and by the way, shooting someone is not how unruly angels are dealt with, God can simply pull a Thanos and have them vanish into mist, so why did he decide to use a gun that one time? Because drama! God also decides that the best time to send Dan to Heaven is when Yeon-Seo is lying commatose in the hospital (what a dick), to which Dan says, “Fuck it, I’m staying here,” and God lets him return as an angel so he can help Yeon-Seo wake up, interfering once again and thereby ceasing to exist... except he’s still an angel an episode later! What the f*** is going on here?! Archangel Hoo broke the rules once and he got the Thanos treatment, so how come Kim Dan gets so many second chances?

Some characters are either superfluous or their arcs are unclear. As an example of the latter, there’s the character of Ji Kang-Woo (played by Lee Dong-Gun), Yeon-Seo’s ballet instructor and Kim Dan’s rival for Yeon Seo’s affection. It’s revealed early on that he’s an angel-turned-human after breaking the rules and falling in love with a human himself... whom the gangster angels promptly killed. It’s never explained why she had to die while Yeon-Seo and Kim Dan are allowed to stay together, but apparently Kang-Woo is satisfied that his pain was necessary so he could help them trick God or something. I’ve no idea. But the award for the most superfluous character has to go to Ni-Na’s secret ballet instructor who only appears when the script dictates and is not developed at all. I can’t even remember if she had a name! What was her point even?

OTP: Probably one of the best pairings of the year (says the guy who’s watched maybe 4-5 2019 shows out of who knows how many).

Verdict: This is a case of the pros outweighing the cons. There’s simply too much that works for me, so many scenes and songs that stayed with me thanks to the strong performances of our leads and some of the supporting cast. I was never unaware of its more glaring flaws, what prevents this show from reaching Goblin levels of quality, but I could easily find myself rewatching it from time to time.

Rewatch meter: High

Strong Woman Do Bong-Soon (2017)

From left to right: Park Bo-Young as Do Bong-Soon; Ji Soo as In Guk-Doo; and Park Hyung-Sik as Ahn Min-Hyuk.

Release Date: February 24 - April 15, 2017

Episodes: 16

Available on: Viki, Netflix

Summary: Do Bong-Soon has a secret: she is insanely strong, a superhuman ability that has been passed down to the women in her family for generations. She also aspires to create a video game with herself as the main character. When Ahn Min-Hyuk, the CEO of gaming company Ainsoft, chances by her as she’s beating up half a dozen thugs, he’s instantly mesmerized by both her beauty and strength. The recent target of anonymous threats, Min-Hyuk decides to hire Bong-Soon as a bodyguard (she ends up being more of a secretary) and she accepts with the promise of joining the planning department of Ainsoft once the culprit is caught. Meanwhile, detective In Guk-Doo, Bong-Soon’s secret crush and childhood friend, investigates a series of strange kidnappings and murders in Bong-Soon’s neighbourhood. When the culprit targets Bong-Soon’s best friend, Bong-Soon and Min-Hyuk find themselves involved in the hunt for the criminal.

What I liked:

Gangster Bong-Soon. Okay, maybe saying she’s a gangster is a bit too much, but after beating a bunch of school bullies into submission, they soon look up to her as their new boss, taking orders from her and even looking out for her so that her secret isn’t exposed. It’s pretty funny then that Bong-Soon has to save her crew from being harassed by the new neighbourhood bullies, acting the part of a gangster for a short while.

The need for training. I appreciate the fact that Min-Hyuk foresaw the need to help Bong-Soon have full control of her strength, although he also created routines to bolster up her endurance, not to mention some of the moves she learned could have come in handy when she was depowered (sadly, she doesn’t use them). And all of this training does indeed pay off, as we see Bong-Soon fight smartly and using only as much strength as is needed to get the job done, as opposed to her Episode 1 self who used way too much strength with hilarious results. You can witness the results of Min-Hyuk’s training in the fight with the “new bullies” I mentioned previously, as well as the one at the beginning of Episode 9. Beyond fighting, her training also had positive results in her everyday life, like now being able to hug people without worrying about choking them.

The leads and their chemistry. The chemistry of these two is off the charts (it’s over 9000!!!). Everything about Park Bo-Young as Do Bong-Soon screams cute, from her short height to the way she talks, and even her glares of disapproval when Min-Hyuk does something he shouldn’t have. She’s also confident when she needs to, but not afraid to show vulnerability around the people she loves. I could shower similar praise on Park Hyung-Sik as Ahn Min-Hyuk, especially where the vulnerability department is concerned. Male leads tend to be more stoic (like In Guk-Doo), so it was quite refreshing to see how devastated Min-Hyuk was when he learned the identity of the one threatening him, or how crazy-in-love he is around Bong-Soon (she’s his kryptonite). Min-Hyuk is never afraid to wear his heart on his sleeve and it shows in every single scene. These two can just stare at each other in silence and convey more emotion than any spoken word.

The humor. I’m not talking about the dumb hospital scenes that feature humor more similar to what you’d find in a crappy Hollywood “comedy” (peeing jokes, really?), but things like Hyung-Sik’s ad-libbing throughout the show (he’s having a blast), or the more funny interactions between Min-Hyuk and Bong-Soon, even the ever-changing Romeo and Juliet scenes as Bong-Soon’s feelings for the different characters evolve.

What I didn’t like:

The sudden disappearance of Min-Hyuk’s family. Initially, the show has two distinct storylines: the string of kidnappings/murders, on the one hand; and the threats to Min-Hyuk, likely related to the question of who in his family will become the new Chairman of Ohsung Group. As expected, Min-Hyuk has several brothers who are a bit jealous of his success with Ainsoft and intuit their father will name him the Chairman, so it makes sense one of them is behind the threats. Once the storyline is resolved however, Min-Hyuk’s family is completely out of the picture, even during his marriage, what I find extremely odd.

The randomness of the depowering rule. Very early on the show explains that, while the women of the Bong-Soon family are blessed with superhuman strength from birth, they can easily lose this ability should they try to use it for less than honorable pursuits. It can be something as simple, and apparently harmless, as using this strength to become an Olympic weightlifting champion, as Bong-Soon’s mother soon found out, but it’s usually tied to using this ability to hurt innocent people. Naturally, once this rule was made known, it was only a matter of time before Bong-Soon would lose her powers as well, and this did indeed happen towards the end of the show. The problem I have with it is two-fold: its execution and its consistency. Bong-Soon doesn’t purposefully hurt an innocent man, she’s tricked into doing so by the villain. One could argue that whatever higher power granted this ability can’t tell the difference, except that argument falls apart entirely when you realize Bong-Soon has already purposefully used her power to hurt innocent people, like that one time she crushed Min-Hyuk’s foot to keep him silent (among multiple examples). That this event is played for laughs should have no bearing on the outcome. Furthermore, we later see Bong-Soon pleading for her strength to return so she can save Min-Hyuk, so it would appear that whatever higher power was listening is intelligent. At the end of the day, we all know this happened because the writers didn’t want to limit the fun possibilities of Bong-Soon abusing her power a little bit, saving it for the right moment to amp the drama. So, in reality, I was aware of it, and decided to roll with it.

OTP: Cuteness overload.

Verdict: This is one of the strongest shows in this list (no pun intended), more so given how much it’s able to pull off in 16 episodes as opposed to other shows’ 32, which is why I’m more lenient in terms of its writing. This is simply a good, fun, show, easily rewatchable thanks to the cute OTP. While its soundtrack may not be on par overall with the one from Angel’s Last Mission: Love, it still features some solid, memorable, songs (’Heartbeat’ by SURAN being the most obvious, but also ‘Double Trouble Couple’ by MAMAMOO, or ‘Super Power Girl’ by Every Single Day), not to mention a highly effective and comedic use of sound effects. Definitely one of my favourite shows.

Rewatch meter: High

And that brings us to the end of Part 1. I hope you had a good time reading through this post, maybe even found a show to your liking. What were some of your favourite shows in 2019? Stay tuned for Part 2!

[veliseraptor]

novum oriens, 2.1k, clint and natasha’s a+ parenting verse, this is the actual first installment chronologically other than the prequel, writing things in order? what’s that?

thanks to the anon who reminded me about the existence of this verse and brought me back to finish this large chunk of it I started to write ages ago and never finished filling in!

Clint liked to think he was pretty used to weird. He might not be as cool-headed and unflappable as Nat, but most people weren't, and he was pretty damn good at rolling with the punches.

That being said, there was 'weird' and then there was 'Thor showing up out of the blue with a kid at his heels.' Small kid, too, about waist-high, short black hair, his head swiveling around like he was trying to look at everything at once but still sticking close by Thor, who looked a lot more serious. "This is Midgard?" the kid said, sounding both curious and a little skeptical.

"Indeed it is," Thor said. "And my friend's home."

"It's--" the kid stopped abruptly, glanced at them, and then said politely, "very impressive." Clint pressed his lips together so he didn't snort. Tony looked like he was trying to decide between being amused and offended. Steve cleared his throat.

"It's good to see you again, Thor," he said, and then looked at the kid and opened his mouth. Thor interrupted before he could say anything - probably ask what his name was.

"Brother," he said to the kid, and Clint froze. "Would you..." He paused, and the kid gave him an arch look, a little half smile.

"Are you trying to get rid of me, Thor?" he said, and for a moment Thor's expression was panicked, but the kid gave him a little shove. "It's all right." He turned to Tony and said, "where's the washroom?"

"Uh," Tony said. "Down the stairs, take a left and then another left. Second door on the right."

"Thank you," the kid said brightly, and departed. Clint stared after him, stomach in knots.

"Tell me you have another brother," Clint said, the moment it seemed like he was out of earshot. Thor's expression tightened, and Clint swore. "You're telling me that was - Loki?"

"Yes," Thor said.

"Loki who died?" Bruce said. Thor's expression tightened further.

"Yes."

"And you brought him here...why, exactly?" Natasha asked, an edge on her voice. Thor glanced toward the stairs.

"Because I need to ask you a favor," he said. "I need Loki to stay here with you."

Absolute, dead silence followed his pronouncement. Clint felt like he'd been clubbed in the head. "You're not serious," he said faintly. Thor looked grim, and perfectly serious.

"I am afraid that I am," he said. "I understand the difficulty, but..." He paused, and then said, "Loki's coming back. We can't discuss this with him here. He doesn't remember...what came before, and it is better that way."

"We need to talk about this," Steve said.

"In private," Thor said. "Is there something Loki might do while we...?"

"You want to turn him loose in my tower?" Tony said. Thor just looked at him, and Tony made a small noise. "Yeah, okay, okay, that's cool. Fine. If he breaks anything..."

Loki emerged from downstairs and Thor walked swiftly over to him. "My friends and I have some business to discuss, I am afraid," Thor said, and then added, when Loki (shit, Loki) opened his mouth, "Avengers business."

Loki huffed. "And what am I going to do?" he asked.

"Ever heard of the internet?" Tony said suddenly. Loki gave him a perplexed look, and Tony said, "you're gonna love it, I guarantee you. Guys - let me know where you decide to meet."

Thor ruffled Loki's hair, who gave him a scowl and a wrinkled noise as he shook it back into place, and Clint felt like he was going to choke on his own tongue. He looked quickly away and found himself meeting Natasha's sympathetic gaze. It's just a kid, he told himself, but of course that wasn't all he was. And it was hard not to feel like believing that made Loki harmless would be a very large mistake.

**

“I gave the kid a Starkpad and showed him how to use the internet, so that should keep him busy for a few hours,” Tony said, dropping into a chair. Clint noticed that, the kid, like he was trying to avoid saying the name. “So…”

No one seemed to want to start talking, so Clint went ahead and dove into the breach. “Okay, I’ll say it,” he said. “Are you seriously talking about just dropping Loki with us and leaving?”

Thor’s gaze was on his hands. “I would not do so if I had other options.”

“You have an entire planet,” Clint said, maybe a little belligerent, so sue him.

Thor’s lips twisted. “Asgard is not safe for Loki. Not...as he is.”

Steve frowned. “People are targeting him? A kid?”

“Many feel as you do,” Thor said. “That it matters not his age, that it is...safer to put an end to his life now, while he is still young and vulnerable.” Clint’s stomach clenched a little but he shut that feeling down. Or tried. Thor lifted his gaze. “My friends. I know that you have no reason to bear anything but ill-will toward my brother, but understand - this is not the Loki you battled. He has no memory of those events, and is a child not just in body but in mind. I cannot keep him with me while I investigate this new threat - and I fear to leave him on Asgard, even among my friends, without my protection.”

Steve was openly grimacing. Natasha had her “trying-too-hard-to-be-blank” face on, which meant she was unhappy and wanted at least him to know it. Tony rubbed his forehead, but he looked as disquieted as Clint felt. “How do you know that this kid is really - all new, factory-fresh Loki?” He asked. “Not the old one messing with you to get your guard down?”

“I know,” Thor said, something cold in his voice.

“Right,” Tony said. “That’s reassuring.”

“Even if...potential threat aside, Thor,” Bruce said, and if Steve looked upset Bruce looked...a little green. Clint supposed child abuse might be a sore spot with him. “None of us are exactly what you’d call babysitters.”

“Hey,” Clint objected. “I’m good with kids.”

“Then that makes one of us,” Bruce said. Clint was relieved that he didn’t disagree out loud, at least. “But...we don’t exactly lead safe lives, either.”

“I know,” Thor said, “but with you is the safest place I know on this Realm. I do not think any would try to harm Loki, with you as his protectors.”

Oh, Jesus. Clint could see by the look on Steve’s face, and Bruce’s, and even Tony’s, that they were going to go for it. And what was he supposed to say? Yeah, I’m fine with letting a kid get murdered for crimes he’s possibly culpable for but doesn’t remember, sounds good.

“What happens when we have to do Avengers stuff?” Clint asked.

“He is not incapable of taking care of himself,” Thor said. “For short periods of time…”

“We could have some kind of rotation,” Steve said. Natasha drummed her fingers on the table.

“Hold on, Steve,” she said. Clint could’ve kissed her. “We haven’t even agreed to-”

She broke off, looking toward the door. Clint looked with her, and noticed that the door was open and standing in the doorway was the topic of their conversation. Looking at him more closely now, the best adjective to describe Loki in his current state was “weedy” - narrow and almost delicate looking, and maybe it was just that his eyes were wide but they seemed too big for his face. Clint guessed he was maybe ten, eleven years old, or at least the Aesir equivalent thereof.

His eyes flicked around the room and he cleared his throat awkwardly, gaze fixing on Thor. “I am sorry to interrupt,” he said, shoulders drawing up a little like he could sense the tension in the room. “I wished to ask if there were a library somewhere?”

Clint stared at him, eyes narrowed. He didn’t look like Loki, except in the superficial physical resemblance. Different mannerisms, different posture, and his voice sounded different - hesitant, the tone of a child around unfamiliar adults, expecting to be dismissed.

“What happened to the Starkpad I gave you?” Tony asked. Loki glanced at him, and then at Thor like he was looking for guidance.

“It is...interesting,” Loki said, carefully polite. “But it is a bit…simple?” Clint had to stifle a snort. Tony’s eyebrows shot up and he looked indignant. “It is very impressive, though,” Loki hastened to add, seemingly entirely earnest. “I did not know that Midgardians had worked out how to make such things.” Now Bruce looked like he was trying not to laugh. Tony huffed loudly, and Loki shot Thor what was unmistakably a nervous look.

“Right,” Steve said loudly. “Well...Thor, should you introduce us?”

Oh, right. Clint wondered idly if there was a chance he could duck out and avoid having to get introduced to Loki again, but Loki’s eyes had already lit up. “No need!” He said. “Thor has spoken much and highly of you. You are Iron Man,” he said to Tony. “The infinitely clever master forger and craftsman.” Clint couldn’t help but think, nice, kid. Tony looked like he was trying not to be pleased by the description.

“And you, Captain America,” Loki went on. “Courageous and true, defender of your people and a warrior without compare.” He turned to Bruce, hesitating only a moment. “Dr. Banner?” he said, not quite a question. “A man of science, but you also-” Another glance at Thor. “You fought my brother to a standstill,” he said, with a faint tone of awe.

Bruce’s lips twitched. “I wouldn’t go that far.”

But now Loki had turned toward Clint, who tensed in spite of himself. Half expecting some kind of backhanded insult, but Loki’s expression was just one of slightly apprehensive excitement. “Hawkeye,” he said. “The marksman who has never missed his target. And Black Widow, whom others underestimate at their peril.”

He stopped his recitation and looked around the room, expectant and nervous. Thor stood and walked over, placing a hand on Loki’s shoulder, and the way Loki looked up at him sort of stung: trusting, adoring. Clint remembered what it was like to look at your older brother like that, like they could fix the whole world, like everything would be fine as long as they were there.

“It’s nice to meet you, Loki,” Steve said, just as Loki’s smile started to falter. “We do have a conversation that we need to finish, though, so…”

Loki seemed to deflate, a little. “I’ll go,” he said without argument, and Thor gave him a hard look.

“No eavesdropping at the door,” he said. Loki’s eyes flicked guiltily away.

“I won’t.” He paused. “But we should leave soon, Thor. We do not want to return to Asgard after moonrise.”

“Yes, Loki,” Thor said without a hitch, and Clint winced. He ruffled his brother’s hair. Ruffled Loki’s hair, and if Loki scowled at him he didn’t protest, and slipped back out.

“You haven’t told him,” Bruce said.

Thor looked down. “I have not wanted to.”

Tony groaned. “He’s going to flip out, Thor.”

Thor frowned. “Why should he? It is not forever, and he will understand that.”

Will he? Clint thought. Will it even matter, or will the only thing that matters be that he’s being abandoned by his brother on a different planet with total strangers?

Bruce rubbed his forehead. “Kids don’t always get that stuff, Thor. Does he...does he know that Asgard is dangerous for him?”

Thor hesitated. “Yes,” he said after a long moment. “He knows.” There was a world of something there that Clint didn’t feel up to touching. “He does not know why. We have said...that there is a misunderstanding.”

Loki seemed like a smart kid. Clint would bet he wasn’t buying that one, and he wondered what kind of alternate explanations Loki might’ve come up with.

“Loki will understand,” Thor said staunchly. “I will explain. And you are friends.”

“That’s not going to be enough,” Tony said. “And I don’t really want to see the tantrum he throws when he realizes you’re leaving him behind.”

“Does that mean you agree to let him stay here?” Thor asked. Sly. Tony looked helplessly at Steve, who glanced at Clint.

Clint grimaced. “So it’s down to me? What about Nat?” Natasha didn’t volunteer to step in, and Clint squeezed his eyes closed and exhaled harshly. “Yeah. Okay. For you, Thor.”

Fuck, he was going to regret this.

[kisaragizan]

Maelstrom Deck Profile [V-EB08]

It’s been a while since I’ve done one of these. So I’m back to talk about my Aqua Force deck for both formats featuring cards in the latest Extra Booster, My Glorious Justice, and both decks will be my definitive take on it. I’ll briefly touch about strengths and weaknesses, as well as any alternatives that can be considered. So without further ado, let’s storm in.

Standard Format

Grade 3 (9 Cards)

x4 Blue Storm Supreme Dragon, Glory Maelstrom: The boss of the deck, really strong card at maximum power, capable of ending the game as soon as he appears. His skill limits your opponent’s guard to a single card per attack, while locking them out of intercepting for the entire turn, all for one counter blast is quite a force. Ideally, you want to ride him second after any Maelstrom; to give +10k to the entire front row, but even if you have to ride him first, the guard restriction alone is quite strong with a powerful board by making your attacks unblockable without either a heal trigger or a perfect guard in your opponent’s hand.

x3 Blue Storm Dragon, Maelstrom: While not nearly as deadly as Glory, regular Maelstrom is your ideal first ride as he pressures your opponent to guard early or risk him re-standing if either your third or fourth battle attacks hit. If you’re playing critical triggers too, they’d also have to consider blocking the vanguard attack as well or risk taking too much damage early, all of which conditioning your opponent to struggle trying to live a Glory Maelstrom turn.

x2 Riptide Dragon: We play two of him because while he is the worst ride; by having no gift marker, Riptide himself eats up a lot of shield from your opponent, and while on Glory he’s unblockable. Hitting 32k by himself means that even without the 10k bonus from Glory, all Accel/Protect decks have to perfect guard or take him, the same for Force decks for +1k more.

Grade 2 (12 Cards)

x4 Blue Wing of Obstinacy, Shimeon: Blue Wings are the newest archetype for Aqua Force from My Glorious Justice, in which they focus on swarming the field and gaining benefits for having other Blue Wing cards in play. Their offensive gimmick is that if you reveal a heal trigger during your drive check, they can stand themselves, once a turn, which is accessible on both rear-guard circle and vanguard circle. So with 12 offensive triggers, and a potential field re-stand, and vanguard re-stand from grades 1 to 3 (assuming you ride Blue Storm Dragon, Maelstrom), your aggression is really potent as early as your first attack. Shimeon is an 11k grade 2, who without any Blue Wings on the board (including guardian circle) will regress to a 6k. He’s typically your target ride especially going first to slow down opposing aggression.

x4 Blue Wing of Justice Fauros: Fauros is an okay rear-guard, with his only benefits being his name and his skills, that which he gains 5k for having another Blue Wing unit. However, if you have four or more Blue Wings, he trades the 5k for the ability to re-stand, which is always a staple in Aqua Force. His downside is that he’s very expensive being a counter blast and a soul blast for what can either be 5k or a re-stand. I personally think if he was allowed to keep the 5k with the re-stand, it’d of allowed him to be better making the cost reasonable or by splitting the costs (as shown with other units) one for each effect, it’d make him very versatile. Overall, you don’t usually use his skill however unless he has a critical or you’re going for the kill, regardless if he can stand because your counter blast is a very important resource for both Glory and another card.

x4 Coral Assault: Coral Assault, along with the grade 3s and triggers, are the only non-Blue Wing units in this deck. Being a 24k attacker by simply having four or more other units rested is really strong, especially in tandem with Glory Maelstrom who makes these heavy hitting swings nigh-unblockable. While he is able to soul charge himself, allowing you to draw, you won’t use this unless you’re up against control because it’d be beneficial to have him than to trade him without the guarantee of having another unit capable of hitting as high as him.

Grade 1 (12 Cards)

x4 Blue Wing of Faith, Basilea: Like Odysseus to Ripples, Basilea is what makes the archetype. While a 7k base, on place, she can check the top three cards of the deck, and adds all Blue Wing cards from among them to your hand for one counter blast. While the possibility to whiff is there, the ability to +3 is really powerful for an aggressive clan like Aqua Force. You’re building hand, which is your offense by extension, and you’re deck thinning to be able to hit more triggers. She’s never a bad card at any point of the game and especially if your board takes a hit from retirement or something of an Exculpate that attacks multiple cards. I’d say she’s a bad ride but being a Blue Wing means she can re-stand if you hit an early heal trigger. Overall really solid engine card and why you want to play as many Blue Wings as you can to always be rewarded.

x4 Blue Wing of Resonance, Maxios: If you have another Blue Wing unit, Maxios goes from 7k to 12k making him a big booster or a solo attacker vs Protect/Accel clans. If you have four or more, he gains +10k instead of 5k, making him a 17k attacker/booster. Good card to help your other units touch the unblockable threshold with Glory. Kinda reminds me of Melania minus the draw and resist.

x4 Blue Wing of Sympathy, Makarios: On the topic of resist, Makarios is the only 8k base grade one in the deck, (probably for the better so that most decks don’t try and damage deny us out of our counter blast for Basilea). Makarios gives himself “Resist” (not the exact skill but it’s a CONT: cannot be chosen by opponent’s card effects) if you have a Blue Wing unit in play. If you have four or more, this effect applies to all of your rear-guards. Not much to say except it’s a really good effect that allows the deck to not die immediately vs control decks.

Triggers, Starter, Gift Type

Blow-bubble Dracokid: Nothing fancy, typical draw one upon ride starter.

x8 Critical Triggers: I’m a firm believer of “early critting is early winning”. I feel the synergy between critical triggers and this deck is really high on reward. You want to attack with all of your Blue Wings first, followed by your vanguard: at which your opponent can decide to take it or guard it, without knowing whether you’re gonna hit them for more damage or re-stand your board. In contrast to Front triggers, which wants the vanguard to attack first (or as soon as possible), can lose the re-stand opportunities for the sake of higher power (which in a non-Blue Wing deck, they’d be fine). Plus, at the end of the day, I want my opponent to be at high damage or low hand (from guarding so much so early) so that Glory Maelstrom can push for game whether it’s due to having huge attack power from a full field, extra damage from critical triggers, or extra attacks via heal trigger checks. If you do want to run Front Triggers, I wouldn’t go more than 3.

x4 Draw Triggers: Extra hand and perfect guards are nice. You could be crazy enough to try maybe 12 Critical Triggers or 4 Fronts for maximum offense (16 offensive triggers in this deck at that point), but I don’t think it’s that necessary.

x4 Heal Triggers: So while heals are ideally what you want to check when you have a Blue Wing field, I do believe that you shouldn’t always bank on these since there’s only four of them in a deck. I urge people that do plan on playing this to consider optimal attack patterns and not tunnel vision into the idea of re-standing your board. That’s more of a bonus while the real benefit/purpose of Blue Wings is to swarm and plus from Basilea.

Accel 1 vs Accel 2: While Accel one guarantees the unblockable threshold on Glory, Accel 2 does give you an extra card. However, because both are stopped by one defensive trigger, I believe it’s better to get a draw than nothing at all, so I would particularly advise going Accel 2, especially considering Aqua Force wants/needs hand majority of the time (even with Basilea as she cannot add sentinels/grade 3s), and that your heavy hitters like Riptide and Coral Assault are already hitting that threshold by themselves with Glory’s +10k (especially Riptide).

Strengths

The most obvious strength is that we’re able to swarm faster than most decks especially with Basilea adding more cards to further our aggression and deck thinning. Faster swarming means more pressure on the opponent in having to guard or take attacks. And while I did mention to not tunnel vision or bank on checking them too often, checking a heal is still free extra swings along with an added 10k. There’s a lot of utility between having grade one attacker being 12k-17k, potential board resist, re-standing grade 2, and huge numbers, on top of the incoming threat that is Glory Maelstrom. You don’t have to worry too much about bricking because Basilea can push the momentum forward at any stage of the game.

Weaknesses

The most important weakness I can think of is being damage denied, which is another reason for your opponent to rear-guard hate you. While being rear-guard hated is not the issue because you will always be able to replace them, being counter blast denied is since you do not have Light Signals Penguin Soldier or any means of counter charging, to give you back a damage, which is needed for Glory’s skill. I did mention before that your grade ones are lower powered to ensure that you don’t lose out on a counter blast as early as turn one, but that will often by the one you use for Basilea to grab more cards. However, if it does come to it, you are able to ride Blue Storm Dragon Maelstrom for an extra accel circle, to increase your offense and even try to go for a vanguard re-stand. And while we do have Makarios, it is still possible to have a tough time against control and even more difficult if Royal Paladin hits you with Exculpate. So be mindful and be prepared for that.

Premium Format

Another reason why I’m playing Blue Wings + Maelstrom is because they have the ability to function in Premium as simply a “Standard+” deck, (simply put, take a Standard deck, add some premium cards especially your G-zone and you’re done). It offers the same strengths as it would in Standard.

I’m not gonna go through the boring process of listing each card again, I’m just going to simply explain new cards (especially card swaps) and that’ll be it.

x4 Blue Storm Marine General, Eldermoss: I traded Coral Assault for Eldermoss because while Coral hits a big number, Eldermoss has flex in being a 14k attacker who can fuel your soul with Maelstroms, while sitting on a 10k base. The 10k base is important because between having an 11k base grade two and a 10k base, in a format whose grade two base fluctuates between 9k-10k, it’ll make grade stalling and slowing down aggression easier. However, I do feel in terms of Premium, you can fit any card in this slot particularly something like Tidal Assault (original) for flexible multi-attacking.

x1 Swim Patrol Jellyfish Soldier: This isn’t necessarily replacing anything but the free spot was open to anything that can benefit the deck but wouldn’t matter too much since it’d be a single copy. I gave it to Jellyfish Soldier because Aqua Force really wants to be able to counter charge as often as possible. While we do have another means of doing so, having access to an alternative method is nice as well.

x4 Direct Hit Brave Shooter: Nothing special, just a critical who gives you draw and +10k to the vanguard.

x1 Blue Storm Cadet, Marios: Marios is probably the best starter for Maelstrom being able to consistently grab one as early as turn two. Later turns, probably won’t be as relevant since you’re triple driving and get a direct search from Disaster, but if your vanguard hits, never miss out on using his effect because deck thinning and always having a grade three for stride or to call as rear-guard is good.

Generation Zone (10 G Units, 6 Generation Guards)

x2 Marshal General of Surging Seas, Alexandros: Alexandros is typically your first stride because he can flip up anything your G-zone and stands two units with an additional +5k per face up card in your G-zone. Because he grows in strength as the game continues it’s important not to waste him too early. I will say that I feel he’s not as strong in this deck as he normally would be due to there being only one re-standing rear-guard who happens to need a specific condition on top of being expensive. So that is something to consider but having the option to have two rears stand with +30k power and higher is always something to aim for especially in the late game.

x2 Blue Storm Helical Dragon, Disaster Maelstrom: Another first stride target, Disaster gives +5k to three units in the front row if you have Maelstrom in your soul which makes him a tiny bit better than Alexandros for the first stride. He also doesn’t cost any resources in terms of counter blast, so if you get damage denied, he’ll typically be the best option as he’s able to get you a Maelstrom from deck to hand, both that and himself, setting up for future plays.

x2 Torrent of Determination, Valeos Revive: Aqua Force’s newest stride from the Premium Collection 2019 Set. On attack, you can call two up to two cards from hand per each face up card in the G zone, then draw equal to the same number of cards you called, so you reset your board while keeping cards in hand. However, his important effect is that he locks your opponent’s power to 11k for the entire turn if you have two or more cards face up in your G zone. This is actually very powerful because it means if you’re able to generate more attacks than your opponent has cards in hand, you’re effectively winning that turn since damage triggers cannot disrupt your attacks (while draws and heals do still activate however). He’s typically your go to second stride to push for damage especially if they’re at low damage.

x1 Blue Storm Breaking Dragon, Engulf Maelstrom: We run one of him because I feel you only need one. Simply put, if he attacks on the fourth battle, your opponent cannot call cards whose grade is less than the number of Maelstroms in soul. If you already have one in soul, you’re locking your opponent out of grade zeroes which is a huge restriction if they happen to run draw trigger sentinels (which most decks are). With 2 in soul, you’re completely stopping your opponent from guarding with perfect guards entirely leaving them only to guard with G-guardians. For Force and Accel clans, this is pretty decisive, though for Protect, this card is useless since Protect Gift marker does not have a grade. You can also flip a card in your G-zone to give him a critical +1 if you have two or more Maelstroms face up in the G-zone, making him lethal at four damage.

x1 Storm of Lament, Wailing Thavas: My all time favorite card in the entire game. Sadly he hasn’t aged too well because of the inception of draw sentinels making his guard restriction ability moot. However, having the option to board wipe is still pretty good for if the time comes. If you don’t prefer this, you can always swap him for another Engulf.

x1 Progenitor Dragon of Deep Sea, Balanerena: The newest wave of nation strides, units that are usable by all clans in it’s respective nation by dropping a card with the same name as your vanguard for the cost of stride, these dragons give you access to stride for the rest of the game without paying the cost, which I must say is something Premium (and even G) needed since striding is very important that whiffing it once, without a play that was as strong as striding, was pretty much the end of the game for you. You only really want to go into Balanerena if you know you won’t be able to stride the following turns (whether it’s because you need to re-ride or if your hand/field is low, both scenarios very possible and very common in Premium) or if your opponent is at 4-5 damage because every guardian that they call has the potential of being retired by discarding a grade one or lower from your hand. This won’t negate the perfect guard’s effect however, but this is on similar to Glory Maelstrom in forcing your opponent into sticky situations that can potentially end the game.

x1 Zeroth Dragon of Distant Seas, Megiddo: If you’re able to go for it, Megiddo can push for game with no repercussion since you have a somewhat strong non-stride turn in Glory Maelstrom (be wary that they can G-guard to bypass Glory’s restriction however). Like Alexandros, not as strong without re-standers but being able to swap units in and out of the Accel circle is good enough. Typically only go into this if you have nothing else, especially if your board is looking weak for anything else. Both nation strides are easy to fulfill given your starter and Disaster grabbing any Maelstrom of your choosing when he attacks.

x2 Guard Leader of Sky and Water, Ihoannes: Your biggest G-guardian especially if you have a big field. Gives resist and battle protection to your rear-guards, as well as accelerating your G-zone, along with +5k shield per each rear-guard.

x2 Blue Wave Armor General, Galfilia: Your typical G-guardian that ends up being the flip target for most of your cards whether it be Valeos, Alexandros, Ihoannes, or Engulf. That’s because for a soul blast, she can flip herself face down, and chooses a face down card in Vanguard, Rear-guard, or damage, and turns it face up. While she can counter charge, she can unlock rears, or even un-delete your vanguard. While she can flip herself face down, making her recyclable, it’s important to have two or more because she’s your go-to guardian most of the time and you don’t want to run into a situation where you can’t use her as an actual guardian.

x1 Blue Storm Deterrence Dragon, Ice Barrier Dragon: In very niche situations, he comes in handy being a 25k shield on a solo vanguard swing or a late power swing.

x1 Dark Element, Dizmel: Because rear-guard hating is common, calling this out to save your rear-guard is fine. Alternatively, you can just play another Galfilia or even Colburn for decks with a lot of hand.

Closing Statement

This deck is very fun to play, I enjoy it a lot. Very excited to build it and whatnot. I know people might’ve expected a deck profile regarding generic Aqua Force (without Blue Wings) especially considering my post before My Glorious Justice was released in JPN. However, while I do have a generic deck for both Standard and Premium, I feel as though Blue Wings are faster and can do a lot more base level with a slightly higher ceiling than generic AQ. I think in the future, I’ll go over them but for now I’ve just been wingin’ it on the Blue Wings. So I do thank you for giving this a read, and look forward to future deck profiles. I have a couple more I want to cover though it won’t be as long as this one since I just wanted to tackle both in one go. I’m happy and grateful for the support that Aqua Force got, because while they aren’t tier one, they aren’t boring either, which is a fair trade since it’s like a breath of fresh air from stiff plays in both formats and having to be cautious until we’re at grade 3/stride turn. Again, thanks for the read, very appreciated along with any feedback, suggestions, comments, etc. Kisaragi out!

[hollanderin]

Can Growth Hormones Increase Height Prodigious Useful Tips

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[poetsalive-blog]

On Rebecca Watts’ Essay “The Cult of the Noble Amateur”

(Author’s note: This is a rebuttal to Watts’ essay which can be found here: http://www.pnreview.co.uk/cgi-bin/scribe?item_id=10090 ) After hearing that Rebecca Watts has received abuse for the above article “The Cult of the Noble Amateur,” I decided that constructive discourse was needed. As a poet and critic,  I find it very upsetting that any person would receive abuse let alone a person seeking to have a difficult conversation on the direction of publishing, prizes and popularity. 

 I will begin by saying I disagree with Watts’ arguments that the world pretends poetry is not an art form and that social media has helped dumb it down. However, I do understand her frustrations with turning out technical, complex poems that ask for critical engagement when quick-to-digest pieces seem to garner a lot more attention in the current poetry market. Let me assure everyone though, that there is space for both subgenres of poetry and both are art. 

The problem with poetry, a number of family members tell me, is that they don’t understand poetry. Their memories of poetry are being forced to memorise passages of Shakespeare, Wordsworth and other poets whose work bore no connection to the realities of their everyday. I come from a working class background and I do see the disconnect between high literature and the interests of that demographic. They feel spoken down to and thus, poetry found itself relegated to classrooms as the average person turned away from text that they felt didn’t get them. People like to see themselves in all forms of media and art. It is why increasing the number of minorities and LGBTQ in entertainment is getting a lot of advocacy: these demographics want to see themselves in the forms of entertainment they enjoy. Why shouldn’t they? 

Therefore, when we scour the literary landscape for journals to submit work to, we find a lot of specialist titles; journals for LGBTQ only, women only, language poetry only, poc only thrive alongside bigger publications that display more diversity in order to speak to more demographics. We are fine with this so why not the rise of “spoken word on paper” (or perhaps we could coin this type of poetry “pop poetry)? I’d like to think that poetry has made inroads towards peace with language and prose poetry. Is pop poetry not the next in line to be added to the roster of styles we celebrate? The Ted Hughes Prize is certainly leaning that way. I agree that honesty in poetry is nothing new. It is also true that this is not the first time honesty in poetry has been challenged. 

The Confessionals of the mid-1900s received much criticism for being too prone to, as Robert Phillips phrases it, “ public breast-beating” and narcissism.[1] When Confessionalism came to the forefront of the poetry market, critic Charles Molesworth wrote that the movement was “a degraded version of Romanticism” and that the Confessional poet was a “failed sage.”[2] Robert Bly accused Robert Lowell of “offering his readers nervous excitement rather than poetic excitement.”[3] In the end, the handful of genuine Confessional poets produced poetry that has remained in “the spotlight” even now. Just as we had our Plath and Sexton as young writers, certainly young poets are entitled to the “disarming honesty” of McNish and Tempest’s work (which applies to today’s young concerns) and to see that it is doing and achieving something in the market besides racking up YouTube views. 

In terms of the style of poetry that demands more of its readers, there is still plenty of room and praise. However, does the rise of “spoken word on paper”  / pop poetry mean you will need to do a little more research as to which prizes you submit work to? Of course, but you should be doing that anyway. You should know who the judges are and what interests they have in the moment so that if the Ted Hughes Award is going the way of a style you don’t write, you will know not to submit (and save yourself the fee). There is no shortage of journals, prizes and publishers for poems that utilize higher diction and complexity and enough people submit to these journals that the competition is fierce as ever. 

Kaur, Tempest and McNish are thus the types of poets for people who would have left poetry behind in secondary school. There is nothing wrong with that. Their style allows the audience to stay engaged in a performance and their use of social media utilizes a platform that the public is addicted to. They are reaching out to the public rather than expecting the public to come to them. In terms of high literature at readings, I’ll use the example of John Ashbery – whose poems are difficult and take work.  Trying to absorb John Ashbery in real time can be quite a task let alone fully “get it.” The books of Kaur and McNish require less strain and as such, watching their work and also having it at hand are akin to reading along song lyrics printed in cd jackets (or cassette tapes if anyone else can remember these) while the music plays. I fail to see how “easy to grasp” equates with bad when it seems to me that the experience is just different. One of the most poignant examples of spoken word poetry being at the right place at the right time was Tony Walsh’s delivery of “This is the Place” at the Manchester Bombing vigil. On paper, the poem lacks what you call “intellectual engagement” and “craft,” but when delivered, Walsh gave the community it what it desperately needed. The performance was powerful, to say the least and I understand the public’s desire, then, to have a written copy of that performance piece which spoke into the grief and fear everyone was experiencing.

 I assume that the demographics that are interested in Kaur and McNish are no different, and because publishers exist to make money (and endure) as much as promote good poetry, there is a profit to be made in that. McNish came to Picador with a ready-made following which translates into guaranteed sales. I can’t, in good faith, knock Picador for taking advantage of McNish’s marketing savvy.  We also cannot assume that an interest in pop poetry and its penchant for clichéd language will negate a person’s potential to venture into other forms that use more technical and creative elements. I certainly began, as a teenager, writing poetry that utilized such overemotional language as “I don’t grieve \ I shatter,”  and have changed so that I now enjoy looking for poetry that challenges me, asks that I spend time with it and get to the root of how it works.   My favorite poet is easily Frank Bidart. But could I have commenced my interest in poetry by reading and engaging with his work – which is unequivocally challenging as it is emotionally visceral? Not a chance; I was not emotionally or intellectually capable. (And I am not arguing that those who prefer accessible poet are not capable. I am stating that I was not capable.) We need to understand poetry can’t speak to one demographic, one level of education or understanding, one prosodic style. There is plenty of room for both McNish and Ashbery and by having an array of “levels” (for lack of a better word), you offer up more variety to the public to draw them into a world that they shut themselves out of because they felt shut out. I would also warn against drawing comparisons between the cult of personality wielded by Trump/Farage and that of the pop poets. I found this to be a very hyperbolic and misguided section of the essay. Trump, in particular, leads a movement bent on spreading misinformation, division, exclusion, prejudice and, at times, violence. To even compare the pernicious nature of Trump’s cult following to that of poets that draw crowds is guilty of “dumbing down” the conversation and depriving it of nuance – the very thing Watts accuses the poetry market of doing. 

As I previous indicated, I do understand the frustration of producing work that challenges a reader only to see it rejected. The business of poetry for most of us, I assume, is a life of “not quite right for us but good luck elsewhere.” Seeing a poet get praised for including poems she wrote at age 8 in her book would rankle even the most welcoming of us. Nonetheless, it is art and it has worth and a purpose. It is up to the individual poet to look at submission guidelines, back issues, and the interests of the editors / judges to make more prudent choices as to where to send work.

 That said, I do think that the article Watts’ wrote is very much needed even though it is a difficult and uncomfortable conversation, especially if prizes like the Ted Hughes prize are going the way of “pop poetry” and away from complex poetry that utilizes the page. 

[1] Robert Phillips, Robert Phillips, The Confessional Poets, (Carbondale: Southern Illinois University Press, 1973), pp. 1-2

[2] Charles Molesworth, ‘“With Your Own Face On”: The Origins and Consequences of Confessional Poetry,’ in Twentieth Century Literature, 22: 2 (May 1976), 163-178, p 164.

[3] Phillips, p. 16

[thepelagoislands]

Secret Santa - For Ford!

(This is for Ford-mun! A sweet series of drabbles featuring Ford/Holly. I hope you enjoy!)

There is something chemical about Ford’s reaction to Holly that warms him every time he looks at her. He can’t logically pick apart why. Whether it’s the pheromones she gives off – affectionate and loyal and strong – or the basic primal reaction to a smile – like the one she never stops wearing – he can’t stop being so touched by her, no matter how hard he tries.

“Ford!” Holly bursts into the clinic in the middle of his musings. He looks up from his chemistry table, brow quirked, lips in a thin line. “C’mere! I’ve got something to show you!”

She always has something to show him, and, much as he always suspected it would be, it’s never been a waste of his time. “I…there is some experimentation I’ve been doing-”

“Please?” She pouts at him. Before her, he’d never seen that expression on anyone but a child. Maybe that is why he continues to have a positive reaction to it – because of his constant associations with paternal instinct, as all humans appear to have. “It’ll just take a second.”

There is no reason why he can’t stop what he’s doing at the moment. He’s mainly in the hypothesis-writing stages of his experimentation. There is nothing burning, nothing mixing, nothing he must attend: only the satisfaction of spreading ink over paper.

It’s inevitable. He adjusts his glasses and follows after her with a sigh.

The second he steps outside of the clinic, alarm explodes in his chest as something smacks the door frame. “Goddess!”

“Think fast!” Holly’s voice brims with giggles.

It was a ball of snow that struck the frame. Ford stares blankly at the uneven snow remnants on the ground; they ruin the perfect symmetry previously there. “Excuse me?”

Holly rears her arm back, and he sees another ball of snow in her hand. “Better run! I’m gonna getcha!”

How peculiar. “Are you…ah…” Ford frowns. “What are you doing?”

Holly stares for a long moment. She deflates. “Snowball fight!”

He blinks.

“It’s fun!”

Blinks again. “Fun. You strike people with…what did you call them, snowballs? And you find that amusing?”

Holly walks toward him, holding the ball of snow out to him. “Yeah, two people throw these at each other, and they run and hide for cover, and it’s…it’s a good time?”

Ford looks at her shrewdly. “You are aware that this is nearly a guaranteed way to catch hypothermia, correct? What if snow ended up sliding past my collar? Down my shirt or jacket? Two people fighting such a war here outside in a tremendously cold climate-”

“Ford.” Holly grins. “You’re thinking too hard. Just…here, just try it.”

She takes his hand. Neither of their hands are gloved any more than the thin fabric he always wears. The mere brush of her calloused fingers – hard from work – against the smoothness of the material is jarring. He’s still staring at her when she presses the freezing cold snowball into his hand.

Only when he realizes they’re still touching does he drop the ball. “I should get back to work. Try…perhaps one of the children for your little games.”

He tells himself not to notice the way her face falls right before he shuts the door behind him.

~~

Just the sound of her voice is enough to stir his heartrate – to make it beat just fast enough for him to acknowledge it. He’s dreamed of that voice before many times. Each time he consults his psychology textbooks, and each time he comes up confused and wanting. He’d dreamed of it just last night, in fact: the placation in her voice as she begged for him to fight her with snowballs.

He thinks of it still as he drinks tea that evening, staring into his fireplace.

Initially, when he hears the unmistakeable sound of her timbre, he thinks he must be hallucinating. He sniffs his tea – it’s entirely possible that he accidentally doctored it with a hallucinogenic sugar compound that he’s worked on to unlock repressed memories – but no, there is nothing about the aroma or the taste to suggest that her voice isn’t real.

It’s distant, though. Faint. And…lilting.

It takes Ford a long moment to realize that she’s singing.

He comes to his front door and touches his ear to the wood. Yes, she’s right outside, it seems. He opens it.

She’s dressed warmly, her hands shoved inside of a furry muff, beaming out at him from under a scarf and a hat and a thick wooly coat. At least she’s appropriately dressed for the season, even if she’s spending it singing outside in the darkness, barely lit by the lamps near his clinic.

He lets her finish the song, because it would be rude to do otherwise, and when she ends the verse, her eyes sparkling at him like snowflakes, he blinks. “Good evening.”

“Hey there, Ford.” She pulls her hand out of her muff to scratch her nose. “Did you like the song?”

It was something about bells ringing and snow falling. He hadn’t even been listening to the words – he’d been too focused on her tone. “…it was an adequate representation of the season.” He clears his throat. “Do you need medical attention? Is that why you’re here?”

Holly looks down, her boots nudging through the snow. “No, I, uh, I just…thought you might like to hear some carols. ‘Tis the season!”

“I see.” He crosses his arms over his chest. “I am aware of the caroling tradition, but I didn’t know people here took to it. I think it’s perfectly illogical. The human must strain for their voice to carry across the snow, especially if there are sharp winds – it’s too easy to do potential damage.” He shakes his head. Throughout his statement, Holly looks down more and more, until he can barely see her face at all under her hat’s brim. “Who else have you sung for?”

Silence. There’s silence as thick as the snow she stands on. “…no one. Just you.”

How odd. “I hope you’ll remember to go home soon before you catch too much cold. Perhaps you should come in for tea-”

“No!” Holly looks up at him and flashes a smile. “No, I-I’ll just go home, you’re right. I’m sorry I disturbed you!” She begins walking away without even a goodbye – rare for someone like her who seems to be particularly well socialized. He’s surprised enough by it to simply watch her go.

She stops, however, and turns around, her eyes sparkling again. “Maybe next time you’ll sing with me, huh?”

Ford frowns. “I do not have a very good voice, myself. I would ruin the appeal of yours.”

“You think I have a good voice?”

She’s breathless when she says it. The cold has gotten to her worse than he feared. He inclines his head. “You maintain a good tone. Minimal vibrato. Enough breath to finish the stanzas properly without having to breathe in the middle of the phrase. It is an adequate performance.”

Holly grins at him so widely that he swears he can see almost every one of her teeth – a pity that he isn’t a dentist. “Thank you, Ford.” She backs up two steps. “Have a good night, okay?”

“It seems likely that I will.”

He watches her go until she disappears from view. He isn’t sure why.

~~

Her laugh is the exact representation of what joy should be. If a scientist could draw a map and point at the frequency levels that one must react in order to have the perfect human laugh, Ford is certain that hers would touch every threshold.

He knows this, because as she laughs while she’s enjoying a lunch with him the next afternoon, his skin tingles pleasantly. The body understands the proper levels of Hertz. His is no exception.

“I simply cannot understand the song,” Ford is saying over her laugh. “It is a- please don’t lean back in your chair so far, Holly, you are going to fall.”

“I can’t help it!” Her cheeks are tinted pink. Perhaps he has the heater on a bit too warmly. “It’s just a song, Ford. He sees you when you’re sleeping! He-”

“That’s precisely what I mean!” He gestures with his fork as he talks, swept up in his own thoughts. “He cannot see me when I’m sleeping! My bedroom is on the second level. All of my curtains are drawn shut. My door is locked three times downstairs, and there is no other way inside.” He pauses. “Also, he isn’t real.”

“Ford!” Holly rests her elbows on the table, shining brighter than the single string of Christmas lights he allowed her to put up when she stopped by earlier, clearly exhausted from her farming work. “Songs don’t have to be logical, y’know.”

“…that’s…that’s absurd. Everything is rooted in logic.”

“Everything?” She tilts her head to the side.

“Everything!”

“What about…” Holly taps her bottom lip with her index finger – a nasty act, given how much bacteria could be on her hand, and that is the entire reason he can’t stop staring, he’s sure. “…matters of the heart?”

Ford considers his own heart. “The heart operates under logical circumstances. Medical professionals already understand the way the valves work.”

“No!” She laughs again, and his heart rate rises. “I mean, like, crushes! Love! Affection!”

The way she stares at him gives him pause. She blinks rapidly, long eyelashes dark against her skin. She bites her bottom lip.

While he’s watching, she sucks it into her mouth, and he immediately looks back down at his food, trying to remember what they had been talking about. “…well. I don’t see what any of that has to do with this harmful myth of Santa Claus.”

Holly chuckles again – but it’s warmer this time, and lower, like melting sugar – and though it isn’t the perfect example of a laugh that he heard before, he still finds himself fixated. Strange.

~~

Her name melts on his tongue sweetly every time that he says it. As strict of a regimented diet as Ford follows, he rarely lets himself indulge with more than a spoonful of sugar in tea. Her name gives him the same sensation – as if he should say it as little as possible, lest it fill him up until he bursts.

“Holly,” he murmurs, shaking his head. “I already have a calendar for December. You didn’t need to-”

“No, this one’s special!” Holly lays it on the table. “See! It has little presents on every day of December, and they’re all…” She fiddles with one of the boxes on the calendar until a piece of chocolate pops out. “…holding sweets.”

“Sweets.” Ford crosses his arms over his chest. “Ah.”

“They’re good! Have one.”

“I don’t think so.”

“Ford!” She drops her arms to her side, and yes, there’s the pout again – he was waiting for it. “Please? For me?”

“I don’t like sweets.” He lifts his chin, looking down his nose at her. “They rot the teeth. Too many calories.”

“But this one is dark chocolate.”

He quirks a brow.

“It’s…good for you.” Holly holds it out. “And it’s not as sweet. Bitter. Bitter as dirt.”

“Why would I want to eat dirt?”

Holly laughs and approaches him, as slowly as if she was a predator coming close to something she did not wish to harm. His skin tingles the closer that she gets, goosebumps dusting over his flesh. And when she holds the chocolate out, coming up on her tiptoes, letting her fingers hover just in front of his lips, he feels the irresistible urge to eat it from her hand.

And then he remembers precisely how many germs are on her hands. Warmth kisses his cheeks as he takes the chocolate from her, inspects it, and then heaves a sigh as he tastes it.

He stares at her excited face as he chews, considering, then swallows. “…I suppose dark chocolate in moderation can have certain health benefits.”

“Yay!” She claps her hands together, hopping up and down, then hurries back to the calendar. “That’s great that you said that, because we’re twenty days behind! We’ve got a lot to eat.”

“What part of moderation don’t you understand?”

She peeks over her shoulder and winks, and his cheeks go even hotter. Flushed. Perhaps he has a cold.

~~

Winter has never been so warm without her before. He doubts it will ever be the same again if she leaves. Though Ford does not consider himself a selfish man, knowing that she is near – that she will stop by two or three times a week – has given him a sense of routine that he rarely used to have before, something that he would never wish to change again if he could help it. And seeing her – every bit of her, from head to toe, dressed in her warmest garb – fills him with more heat than a fire ever could.

Not even the fireplace at Brad and Carrie’s Christmas party.

She lingers in a doorway as he approaches, smiling at him. He has no words to say to her. He has no concept of why he even comes closer. But he hasn’t spoken to her the entire evening, and that seems cruel.

Even if she DIDN’T have this maddening magnetism that he can’t repel, he still wouldn’t be able to tear himself away.

“You look well,” he said as he pauses across from her. “Healthy.”

Holly beams at him. She looks upward. So does he.

There is a sprig of a plant hanging there, one that he recognizes immediately, and his eyes widen in shock. “Why on earth are they displaying a poisonous herb here?” Would it be easy to remove it before it fell and caused anyone harm? What if a child somehow got a hold of it? He touches his chest, hands gloved and ready for removing the mistletoe overhead.

Holly touches his chest too.

Ford looks down, eyes widening, as she comes up on her tiptoes and gently tugs him down a few inches with her hands in his lapel. She kisses him, as vibrantly warm as the air around her.

Chaste as it is, his heart pounds through his ribs, and he pulls back to take a breath. “What…what was that?”

“Mistletoe,” she murmurs back, smiling so widely that the edges of her eyes crinkle. “Why? Do you not like kissing me, Ford?”

He stammers, opening and closing his mouth like a fish. “W-well, I would say that the, ah, the endorphins from such a kiss are…are positive examples of-”

She shakes her head with a laugh as she guides him back down.

When he touches her cheek with his trembling hand, tilting his head to deepen the kiss, she floods him with a fervent heat that wraps right around his heart.

He’ll never know the cold again.

[stimtoybox]

Can I eat/taste/chew on something that says non-toxic?

Anon, a lot of this will depend on what that item is and what it’s meant for, so I’m afraid I can’t give you a simple answer. I’ll try and explain why it’s complicated, but if I’ve handled this poorly or just made it more confusing, let me know and I’ll try again.

“Non-toxic” means that the item shouldn’t kill you via its chemical composition in accidentally-consumed amounts.

That doesn’t mean it’s good for you to eat, taste or chew, however, and I’ll give you a couple of examples to show what I mean:

A silicone chew pendant will probably be listed as “non-toxic” with other chemical exclusions and safety designations. That’s absolutely designed to go in your mouth, so chew away.

Please note, though, that while this same pendant is non-toxic, that doesn’t mean it’s safe or good for you to swallow any chewed-off bits of silicone. Silicone is a plastic; it’s not that different from swallowing a plastic take-out container (although it doesn’t have sharp edges). Additionally, a large enough piece can present a choking hazard, so there’s ways this toy, when used inappropriately, can kill without chemical composition being an issue.

A can of Play-Doh is listed as “non-toxic”, but that doesn’t mean you can or should eat it. It just means you won’t die if you do eat it.

There’s a world of difference, though, between “you won’t die if consumed” and “appropriate to be consumed”. Think about that Play-Doh for a minute, and all the artificial dyes and chemicals in the dough that are keeping it soft. Think about all the handling it has undergone if it isn’t brand new. Is that something you really want inside your body? Play-Doh is non-toxic, but kids who are prone to eating the whole thing shouldn’t be using it unsupervised; it’s not a safe food alternative.

(I’ll also observe that for folks with gluten allergies/intolerance, it’s dangerous, but this comparison is made on the assumption that this isn’t a factor for our hypothetical Play-Doh stimmer.)

“Non-toxic” doesn’t equal “safe to swallow and eat”. For toys, it most often means “this isn’t meant for consumption and it won’t kill you via its chemical composition if you do accidentally consume a little bit but if you’re going to do more than that you shouldn’t be using this toy”. Which is quite a long description!

In my opinion, “non-toxic” is a really frustrating safety declaration, and I wish companies would do away with it entirely in favour of more specific descriptions about how the item is safe and to what degree it is safe. The words don’t make enough distinction between “just like food”, “item causes no harm at all”, “taste-safe”, “won’t kill you but don’t eat it” and “won’t kill you but may make you sick”. It’s borderline meaningless, in my opinion, and it does very little to help people make safer choices about toys and how to use them. Finding out if something is non-toxic is really the first step one should make in evaluating the safety of a toy, not the last.

In deciding whether something goes in your mouth, I’d ask these questions:

- Does the toy contain any nasty chemicals? Think BPA, phthalates, paint, dyes, glues, borax, sand, oils or varnishes, but know that isn’t a complete list. If you cannot confirm that it doesn’t, do not put it in your mouth.

(To explain paint: those pretty painted knock-off Tangle Jrs or spinners might contain lead in the paint. As a general safety rule, I’d wash my hands after using any toy that is painted, especially if it comes from Chinese eBay/AliExpress/Wish sellers and might not have passed stringent quality controls. Since it is hard to confirm the safety of these sorts of toys, in terms of paint, dye or plastic composition, I would encourage hand washing after use and not putting these in one’s mouth as a general safety practice.)

- Are the surfaces of the toy going to cause any damage to my mouth or teeth? For example, there’s a difference between sucking on a hard plastic toy and chewing on it. That BPA, phthalate-free hard plastic can still harm you if used the wrong way. If you cannot keep yourself from chewing it, get a toy you can safely chew.

(We’ve all got things, as stimmers, that we struggle to resist. For example, I can not chew items very easily, but when it comes to picking, I’ll be picking it before I even know that’s what I’m doing. Know your weak points and don’t purchase toys that require you to have to fight hard not to stim in potentially-harmful ways.)

- Is the toy clean? Is it able to be regularly cleaned and/or sterilised? If it cannot be washed/cleaned, don’t put it in your mouth.

(Additionally, if it cannot be cleaned, wash your hands before and after using it.)

- Is the toy meant for the use with which you’re going to put it? As a general rule, anon, I would seek out toys that are meant for the way you’re going to use it. This isn’t a guaranteed indicator of safety: there’s silicone chew jewellery on AliExpress that’s vague about chemical composition, for example, and some toys are safe for uses beyond which the manufacturer intends (especially for fidgeting). For anything that goes in your mouth, though, this is a reasonable line to draw. If you’re ever unsure, I’d recommend using this as the ultimate safety indicator.

(For example: the foam inside Stimtastic’s stretchy squish balls is said to be non-toxic, but that doesn’t mean it’s designed to go in one’s mouth or be swallowed. It isn’t. In this case, “non-toxic” means “it won’t kill you”, but that doesn’t make the foam safe for human consumption in anything more than an accidental taste. It absolutely isn’t. A baby teether, on the other hand, is non-toxic, but is absolutely designed for oral use.)

- Are you going to use this toy often? For example, a chewable that has BPA-containing dyes but is used twice a year is much, much less dangerous than that same chewable used daily. (It’s not necessarily safe, but it’s less dangerous.) The more you plan to use said toy, the more you need to make sure it is safe to be used the way you intend.

Does this help, anon? Just know that “non-toxic” covers a wide variety of safety degrees, and when it comes to objects going in your mouth, it’s usually necessary to run the toy past a few more questions to determine its safety. Additionally, folks might have own personal safety questions (size, shape, allergens) to add to this list, so this in itself is just a beginning and won’t cover the needs of all stimmers.

Additionally, I’m well aware that not all stimmers have free and easy access to the safest alternatives (money, offline availability) and some stimmers do make choices that are somewhat less than safe. I know some folks might find that the distress from not stimming is higher than their perceived risk of using the toy this way. I’m not saying this to say this isn’t problematic, just that some stimmers are in situations where they do make this decision - and that I think it is safer to talk about this happening than to brush it under the rug and not discuss it.

If I have just made this even more confusing, anon, send another ask and I’ll try my best!

- Mod K.A.