#cannot for the life of me remember how to read more on mobile I'm so sorry y'all

[basedtater]

so here's the thing about Clint & Tony. I used to ship them like a lot in fanon and I was talking to my friend and they brought up the fact that Tony lied to Clint when he came back to life and wow now I remember why I stopped liking them together, even as friends

so before civil war in the comics there was the whole House of M fiasco, where Wanda lost control of her reality bending powers and Clint died and was brought back to life and died and brought back to life etc etc etc and then civil war happened and Steve died

in Fallen Son: The Death of Captain America #3 (unsure if it's before he goes off to "confront" Wanda or not) Clint contacts Tony to come back into the fold after being dead for so long because things are crazy. The avengers are split and the world is in pure chaos and Clint just woke up in all this mess like "I want to help"

Tony straight up lies to Clint and talks him into becoming the next Captain America by hiding his true intentions from Clint and using pretty words rather than being honest and upfront. Tony manipulates the information to his advantage because Clint is generally unaware of the state of the world and. It's not great. Not one of my favorite Tony moments

Anyways Tony immediately gives Clint the old suit and shield is like you wanna go for a test run? And Clint is like mourning his friend thinking he's doing a good thing by carrying the mantle and is like yeah let's go until they get there Clint realizes that they're trying to arrest teenage vigilantes for doing the right thing and stopping a villain and suddenly he realizes that something is very off bc Tony doesn't really even care about the villain

Clint protects the two kids from Tony but it takes the next generation of Hawkeye & Patriot (Kate & Eli) calling him out for making a mockery of Cap (it's an incredible speech tbh) for Clint to realize he's playing into Tony's hands and opposing the morals that Cap fought and died for while wearing the same suit. Clint is obviously pissed and tells Tony he'll send back the suit and there ends Clint's very brief run as Captain America. Thanks Tony.

anyways there are some lines you just don't cross imo? I still like tony and you can ship them and it's fine but for me personally as a clint stan I can't see them as a thing that actually works in a healthy sense in 616 anymore because that's just a level of betrayal I can't see Clint getting over

Clint is always so focused on his morals and doing the right thing that it caused rifts in his marriage to the point of divorce like?? Idk sorry Tony sorry to my little multishipper heart I just cannot see it

[frickfatphobes]

Any advice for how to accept your body and it's needs for someone who's gained a significant amount weight over the past decade and a half? I wasn't always as big as I am now, when I was 20 I was around 130-150lbs but around then I started taking a medication which has lead me to steadily gaining weight to the point I am now in my mid 30s at around 410lbs last time I went to the doctor. I've read up on fat liberation and it seems pretty clear to me that losing weight is unrealistic but sometimes it's just hard to accept that this is how big I am now. I look back at pictures from back in the day and remember how easy it was getting around, how I could spend all night out and never get tired. These days I can barely go grocery shopping without becoming exhausted. I've debated getting a mobility scooter but it just sounds so defeating but deep down I have a feeling it's what my body needs. I've tried light exercise and though it's improved my mobility some I still have some trouble getting around and still need to take breaks to sit down when walking longer distances.

Sorry if this is a lot I've just been thinking about this lately my bodies just gone through much change compared to when I was younger that I'm looking for some outside input.

No need to apologize. I love receiving asks like this and I'm happy to share my thoughts! Of course I'm no expert, but I'll do my best to provide good advice based on the information you provided here.

There are many challenges that come with accepting one's body, especially when it's more than just aesthetics that are affected by a person's size or weight. Fat liberation, as fantastic as it can be at healing someone emotionally or mentally, cannot change physical or mobility-related difficulties.

I've had an experience lately that reminded me that there are many fun things I used to love doing that I can't anymore, because the world refuses to become more inclusive to accommodate people like me. And you may think that your case isn't about inclusivity, but it might be somewhat related. Maybe you could still be able to spend a whole night out if you didn't have to waste your energy looking through a million places to find one that will accommodate you, or have large or comfortable enough seats, or don't force you to park super far away from the bar or club you want to visit.

And more importantly, you never should have been taught by media or parental figures or friends that using a mobility device means you're giving in to defeat. That is internalized ableism. Regardless of a person's weight, they should never feel weak or guilty for being accommodated for, even if they "don't really need it." (If it's preventing pain or exhaustion, it actually IS a necessity.)

Now, all that being said, I'm going to do my best to give you some advice based on what I've read here. Please remember that in the end, you know yourself and your body better than anyone else does, and if any of the advice feels wrong to you, then please take it with a grain of salt.

First, I think you should absolutely consider getting a mobility aid. You don't have to use it all the time, but if it will help prevent pain or exhaustion, it's worth looking into. You don't deserve to be tired or hurting all the time.

Second, if exercise helps you, keep finding ways to move that you enjoy and that feel good to you. The benefits of exercise cap out at around twenty minutes a day, and it doesn't even have to be consecutive. Don't ever push yourself past your limits or continue if you're in pain. Despite popular belief, exercise shouldn't hurt.

Third, keep looking into fat liberation. It has helped my mental health a ton. The best way to be happy with your body is realizing that there's nothing wrong with it as it is now, even if it often feels that way because of the constant bigotry around you. It sucks to get tired more quickly than you used to, but you can absolutely still live an amazingly fulfilling life without your body being the way it was.

Whatever you do, don't let anyone tell you that you aren't allowed to use a mobility aid or live happily in your body as it is. You deserve to feel joy without having to lose weight first.

I hope this helped at least a little bit, and I hope things get better for you.

[webbedphantom]

Shout-out to @caramialunaestelle for putting up with my stupidity for five years!

I'm a weirdo who likes to write down the anniversaries for ships that I have in my calendar so I can do like a small celebration, but this day specifically I have memorized because not only was the way Aaron got with her Makoto super cute, not only was this my first ship ever, but it's kind of the reason I still even do RP to this day.

See, back then I was still new to writing in general, and even newer to social media as a whole, so I wanted to get some practice on the former so that I could make my fanfic as good as it could be.

But Twitter is a lot harsher to bizarre concepts like Aaron, so I was struggling to get any replies with any of the people I reached out to. Worse yet, I didn't really know anyone in this space, so it was all I could do to just... make random posts and hope someone saw it. Which after a while got really demotivating, and I was honestly thinking about quitting.

But Kate gave my weird little guy a chance, and while we wrote together for like a month prior, we didn't really start talking until after we got shipped. How long after? That I don't remember as well-

I know this is mushy and sentimental, but I seriously can't thank them enough for this. There's so many friends I'd never have met, so many games and anime and just... THINGS that I'd never have experienced without them, a lot of it being things and people I can't imagine my life without.

And that's not even considering how much support they themselves have provided over the years, from proofreading, to helping me out with ideas for my AUs, to explaining very simple concepts like YouTube tutorials multiple times because my dumb autistic ass cannot comprehend it otherwise, to giving me feedback on my art, to being a patient, understanding and supportive friend who's always there when I need them and... Honestly, I could go on for hours and I probably still couldn't cover it all

Thank you for everything, Kate! You're the best!!

[I was going to re-edit this 👆 to say "Thank you" instead of Happy Birthday, and maybe add more of your current muses, but I'm currently mobile bound and I wanted to post this before I forgot, so I'll fix it later]

For anyone else seeing this, if you've read all of this and still aren't following them, you should do that. Right now. This is a threat

[semper-legens]

102. The House With The Golden Door, by Elodie Harper

Owned?: No, library Page count: 486 My summary: Amara has escaped the Wolf Den, escaped slavery, escaped everything that hurt her in her previous life - but at a terrible cost. Her friend Dido is dead, and she is now a courtesan to the rich and privileged Rufus, a man she cannot risk offending. But her heart longs for more; true affection, true kindness, something she can only find in the arms of Rufus' enslaved steward Philos. If they are caught, their fate will be monstrous. But even if they aren't, they still cannot be together… My rating: 5/5 My commentary:

Okay, so I was more enthused about The Wolf Den than I thought I might be. Coming back to my library, I had a cheeky little look to see if the rest of the trilogy was in…and lo and behold, they were. I couldn't resist just ploughing into them. Like I said about the first book, Amara's story is interesting in its stated intent to show the kind of women history seldom remembers. She's achieved a kind of social mobility, rising from a slave in a br0thel to a courtesan whose patron keeps her well, but as we see, it's labour of a no less taxing kind. The portrayal of sex work in this series continues to be interesting, as does its portrayal of slavery and how it might have been to live as an enslaved person in this time and place. I'm still very much enjoying the series, and I'm looking forward to reading the final installment!

First, Amara. Our protagonist has gone up in the world, but she can't forget her roots. Especially when they're intent on following her. In an effort to free some of her old friends, she buys Victoria's freedom and buys Britannica, though she's unable to free her. Again, we have this push and pull between cruelty and kindness, between her dual natures as a survivor and as a compassionate being. Amara needs to do what is best for herself, to survive in her precarious position, but there's no security with Rufus. His passion for her will fade, and she will be left in the cold unless she makes arrangements for her future. She feels awful when she's ruthless, but being soft causes her ongoing issues. What's the best solution? Her turmoil perfectly encapsulates the problems faced by freedwomen in her position, how just one slip or piece of bad fortune could lead her to be out on the streets with nothing. She endures, because she has to. And she makes mistakes - costly mistakes! She's not perfect, but the reader will root for her because her spirit and fire is so endearing. For me, too, she appeals to the type of female characters I like to see in historical fiction - women who are entirely typical of their times, who have contemporary attitudes to themselves and their lives, who aren't plagued with anachronistic girlboss feminist attitudes. She's not trying to improve the lot of women generally in a way that would not be realistic for her character, she's just doing what she can to help those she loves.

And then there's Philos. Oh, Philos. He's Rufus' steward, a slave assigned to Amara to help her in her house. And he and Amara end up falling for each other. Philos doesn't want to love Amara - he's a slave, not considered a man or a full person under Roman law, and if Rufus finds out that he's with Amara, he could be tortured and/or killed. And when Rufus loses interest, he'll take Philos back and they won't be able to see each other anymore. Their genuine love for each other coupled with the necessity of hiding their relationship and the bitter knowledge that anything they have will be temporary is heartbreaking to read, Philos' longing coupled with his self-restraint and the mask he has to wear as a slave are deep and complicated. And he's had his share of trauma. He's been branded as non-compliant, used as a sex slave when he was seventeen by Rufus' abusive grandfather, been sold away from his parents, had his wife Restituta sold away from him, had his work and personhood degraded even while his labour is highly valued. Part of the reason Rufus won't sell or give him to Amara is because he's invaluable to Rufus' business. And he has to stand by and not show any emotion about that, because he doesn't get emotions. Even when Amara is carrying his child, Philos can't legally be that kid's father. It's utterly typical for the times, but heartbreakingly bittersweet - the moments of happiness and connection Amara and Philos share are tempered with the knowledge that it cannot last.

That's really a lot of what this book has to say about slavery. Philos has no agency at all, he's at the behest of Rufus and can't act out or he will be severely punished. Amara is a freedwoman, but she's just as beholden to the good will of a man as she was under Felix (and more on that later). Nothing's really changed for her. She still has to go out and attract a man to her to protect herself - the only difference is that she has to play the political game of feelings on top of it. While in the brothel she didn't have to pretend to be in love with the men she serviced, she has to pretend to love Rufus, or he'll leave her high and dry. Brittanica is technically Amara's slave, and doesn't have the freedom she desires; Victoria is free, but is largely performing the same services as before, just for Amara instead of Felix so they can pay off the debt incurred by freeing Victoria and buying Brittanica. Making money is more important than ever, but that leaves no room for love or happiness or comfort or enjoyment. It's a harsh life. Even when free legally, Amara is not free of it.

The contrast between Rufus and Felix is interesting. Felix is abusive, violent, and a rapist who took what he wanted from his girls whenever he wanted. Rufus sees Amara as a plaything, a doll; he's not violent, but he can still hurt her with his cruelty, and holds her life in his hands. There's a lot to be said here about men who uphold these violent systems of abuse and the different forms abuse takes. One of the most horrible scenes in the book is when Rufus takes Amara to his grandfather's grave, telling anecdotes about him…in front of Philos, who was abused by his grandfather from a young age. He even tells a 'funny' anecdote about his grandfather beating a slave. It's obviously deeply upsetting to Philos, but he has to pretend he isn't affected and doesn't care, and Rufus doesn't even see him, let alone realise the damage he's done. Because for Rufus, his slaves aren't people. They're just automata, things that perform a service, no more of note than a chair or a table. And I think the way the book portrays this is brilliantly done. It makes these points without ever having to have Amara act outside of what might be expected for a woman from her time period, or having the narrative hammer home the moral message. It's just…there, presented starkly, for the reader to interpret.

Next, a graphic novel, and a girl with a dark secret.

[thrill-seeker-vn]

Your favorite IFs? I don't remember if you have already answered something like this and I'm looking for something to get addicted to.

I've actually been looking for the post I made about this exactly, but here's a bunch more!

@reincarnation-if - A RESURRECTION STORY, BABY!!! I love the author AND the story, I'm totally obsessed with it!! The demo isn't out yet, but I literally can't wait!!

@manonamora-if - I cannot recommend this author enough. Check out her IFs here. I don't even know how to begin describing how amazing she is-- it seems like she can literally do any genre!

@attollogame - I'm sure everyone knows this incredible if but, if you don't, definitely check them out RIGHT NOW! They're going to celebrate their two year anniversary soon, so this is the perfect chance to read the work and find out more about this awesome game!!

@jaunefleurwrites - another one I mention a lot. But she has so many amazing WIPS and IFs and I'm not sure if all my audience knows about it!! You can check Jaune's masterpost for all their amazing IFs (my favorite is definitely A World Without You!! There's just a certain warmth in Jaune's writing that I absolutely love!)

@magiciansvoyage - Yet again someone who shows up on the blog a lot-- I'm getting my favoritism out of the way, don't worry. Arlo is such a lovely writer and person, and Magician's Voyage is easily one of my favorite ifs. Arlo's writing is so immersive and I love fantasy, so easy rec from me!

@parkerlyn - The Nameless is literally one of the best IFs out there and you are missing out if you're not reading it. They are also celebrating their second anniversary soon so send them some love!!

@anathemafiction - If you're looking to buy an amazing, immersive game, this is the one to get! It's fully released, incredible quality, and you can download it on mobile or desktop. I would definitely recommend checking them out!

@thefallendivine - I love betrayal stories. You play as the heir to heaven and hell, but your family has been killed by your peers. You're in a situation where you're not sure who to trust anymore. I absolutely love these kinds of stories!! I think if you like Thrill Seeker, you'll enjoy this is!

@sevensdeadly-if - You get to interact and romance the seven deadly sins. How much better can it get, man??? Is there anything more I need to say to sell it?? Chapter one was released recently, so an excellent time to read it.

@nextinline-if - Are you looking for an if with DRAMA?? ROYALTY?? A STORY THAT MAKES YOU LOOK WITHIN YOURSELF, THAT MAKES YOU WANT TO BE A GOOD RULER??? then look no further than this amazing game!! Constantine has my heart and I will love him till the end of time, so if you do play, pick someone else, because he is MINE!

@lifesupreme-if - There are defiitely not enough sci-fi if's out there, and this story is based in the world of Cyberpunk 2077, so it was an automatic win in my eyes.

@when-life-gives-you-lemonssss - This is nothing like Thrill Seeker, and I love it. It's a cute slice of life with a bunch of awesome ROs. I love domestic games, and this covers all the boxes in the cute game checklist!

@whenbodiescollide - when i saw the synopsis, it immediately caught my attention. the entire aesthetic of the blog plays in so well with the story that i can't recommend it enough!!

@vendetta-if - another awesome synopsis bro. I love revenge stories, and this is probably the best IF you're gonna find of it, baby!

@lacewing-if - Their if doesn't have a demo yet, but I already love the premise. Keith has my entire heart and I can't wait until I can get to romance him properly LIUHDFSSDFHUI

@thehunt-if - Another concept I love a lot-- you play as a hunter for supernatural beings!! But then!!! YOU GET POSSESSED BY SOMETHING YOU HUNTED, AND NOW YOU HAVE TO WALK A MILE IN THEIR SHOES!! i cannot stress how much I love this hehe

@hummingbird-games - Moreso a VN, but still such a cute game and I just love it sm!!! The art is so gorgeous and it's just so nicely done!!

@if-whenthesunrises & @if-mirrormine - both are excellent stories!! The lovely author is on a hiatus right now, but I would still recommend checking out their work!!

@unwilling-souls-if - The premise is just so insanely good I can't even explain it. Check it out and you'll get it, LMAIUHDSFUHDFIU. Xander-- watch out. I'm coming for you.

There are way too many talented authors to mention in the word limit, so let me know if you want a part three!! Thank you for the ask Eva <3

[specialability]

I've been reading some new danmei. Only one really compelling me at the moment, but in case anyone is looking for something new to read: (my novelupdates account, click "reading list" to see all my lists)

Bu Tian Gang by Meng Xi Shi (same author as Thousand Autumns)

Modern supernatural setting, head artist for popular mobile game quits and immediately gets drawn into magical shenanigans. Aims to join the civil service to join his idol/crush's supernatural police department. Very plot-driven. I find the main character quite bland and very gary stu-ish and the gong is the stoic unreadable outside soft inside. But Thousand Autumns was also very slow burn, so I'm willing to be patient with it given the translator is updating one chapter a day and the translation isn't bad. Also some anti-Japanese racism on the side?

Qiang Jin Jiu by Tang Jiuqing (same author as Nan Chan)

We meet main character as he is being tortured in imperial prison for the crime of his father having allegedly abandoned a battle and fled leading to massive casualties. He's only like an eighth concubine's son so doesn't know anything to begin with, but sticks to his father's innocence on principle. It seems obvious that things are more complicated than first appears. I haven't even figured out who the gong is yet. Much more of a dense political thriller than my brain can manage at the moment so I've put it on hold... it's interesting, but god so many characters and so much politics introduced right from the beginning. Similar vibes to Golden Stage.

Unseen Immortal of Three Hundred Years by Mu Su Li (same author as Copper Coins)

We meet our protag as he awakens in the body of demon king who was imprisoned by some famous saint-like immortal (probably the gong). He's just some rich kid from the capital city and this demon king is being broken out of prison by lackeys, so protag is just like ??? what do demon kings act like??? More humorous and dramatic than the other two above. Only 7 chapters updated so far but seems to be actively translated so hopefully will continue to be updated. Very entertaining so far, and Copper Coins has been one of my fave non-Priest danmei so far so I have high expectations.

Spring Trees and Sunset Clouds by Wei Liang (don't remember how this one got on my to read list)

Short and complete at 54 chapters, will probably finish it in a day or two. Like Qi Ye in some ways. Our protag has already lived one life as a modern student, was isekaied into this historical setting as a prince who spent his whole lifetime scheming to make his brother the emperor, and then when said brother took the throne he found himself thrown in prison and tortured for years. On the edge of death he's thrown into a river and... wakes up in this random village? Where he decides to just work for the local government official for room and board. Except perhaps the gov official isn't a normal guy and maybe the whole village is full of suspicious people, but he cannot be bothered with that shit when the gov official (gong) keeps giving away all his salary to other people and ruining the office budget. Most interesting aspects for me are that the main chara is disabled and very much Does Not Give a Shit about anything mysterious going on while also not being particularly "special"/op.

[eveningclouds]

hiiiii I noticed you have been doing these cute things like spontaneous Tuesday and limiting your social media and I was just wondering why? because I’m trying to be more self reliant emotionally if that makes sense, and I’m just wondering what you’re doing with incorporating these small things into your life!

hiii !! <33 🌷🌷🌷this Will get long wnd i Am on mobile i'msorry i'll add a readmore later 😭

i don't thhink i talk abt it too much but btwn nov 2020 - may 2021 i experienced a pretty rough period of psychosis. i'd experienced this before too, but i think it was exacerbated by the combination of intense physical isolation bc of covid + prolonged increased interaction over social media bc of covid + a series of unexpected upsetting things in my personal life...i questioned reality a LOT. like for example: how can u prove ur friends exist when u only text them? like how do u know ur not texting like an ai on an app with just the name of ur friend? how do u know that ur memories are real if you're the only one who remembers them? how is that different from a dream or imagination?...i developed some pretty strange beliefs from this about 'reality.'

around this same time my sister and i started walking to the park every friday just to get out of the house. it gave us something to look forward to when the rest of our days were monotonous. we got to see other people even if they were strangers. we were exposed to sunlight and physical activity in a fun way. and at first we were really miserable? going to the swings in 40 degree slush is not super fun. but it turned out that even just having new things to complain about helped vary our routines. and eventually i was able to ease out of the feeling that i was constantly being Watched by some omnipresent Spectre that was weaving my life in order to enrich someone else's dream universe or whatever. bc once i picked up an internship and started walking to the park and got a job i just had less time to sit around and talk myself into circles?

i always thought i had a healthy relationship with social media. i kept my harry stuff on here and found a rly cool community of people to talk to when i was rly bored and lonely. and i logged into insta once or twice a week just to check my friends' dms. but u don't rly realize how much of an effect it has on u to have continuous access to an online universe that has real Tangible impacts on ur worldview yet cannot be held in ur hands until u take time away from it. like even tho i put SO much effort into maintaining boundaries, for example by not reblogging pap pics or initially i would never even say that i 'loved' him or anything, just the fact that u have access to so much information changes the way u think ! it's kind of like with alcohol, u don't realize u have a dependence until u try going a week or two without it n realizing hey wait a minute...it IS way harder to stop than i thought it'd be

when i go on a four hour scroll on the internet, in the aftermath i just feel really fuzzy and frustrated. in a few days, i won't even remember what i read. like that short term satisfaction is fun but it also is such a time suck yk...but when i take a fifteen minute walk outside, i usually end up feeling so refreshed afterwards even if i was convinced it wouldn't be worth it. and in a few days, i'll still be able to recollect some person's cool outfit i saw or some flowers or sth. it makes me feel more engaged with and in control of my life when i break out of the internet scrolling inertia.

spontaneous tuesdays give me sth to look forward to! i struggle w True spontaneity #autism so i schedule them, but they help me regulate my time better, get used to doing things alone (usually), and add an element of comfortable unpredictability into my routine. social media breaks make me more conscious about how much time i spend on social media - what i'm gaining and what i'm losing - and also basically force me to keep up with my other hobbies like reading and art. i feel centered when i read a book and i feel accomplished when i draw a picture, two feelings i hardly associate with social media. i think they're both just about mindfulness? like...noticing and engaging with my surroundings with more intention and care for myself. it's really hard at first bc obv i'd rather spend my class-free day laying in bed instewd of lost on the subway!! but at the end of the day i'm always glad i've gone through with it :)

[adultingautistic]

I also have auditory processing problems. Why do people get offended when I can't understand them? I understand that it's frustrating to have to repeat something several times, but surely they know I'm not choosing not to understand? Right? Especially people with non-local accents - I would think they would be more accustomed to people not understanding them and thus less likely to snap at me, but it often seems to be the opposite.

but surely they know I'm not choosing not to understand? Right? Sadly? No.  It is a very, very rare thing for an abled person to be able to understand a disability.  People who do not have that disability constantly “overlook” it.

For example, I have no physical disability when it comes to mobility.  As a mobile person, I was aware of curb ramps that allow people with mobility aids to get up curbs, and I knew they were important, and ...that’s all the thought I ever gave them.

But once I got a job as an aid at a home for intellectually disabled people (where I met lots of autistics for the first time, and made lots of friends! but that’s another story), some of them also had physical disabilities, and for the first time, I saw the world through their eyes.

I was surprised at how quickly I memorized where every curb ramp at every location we went to was.  I memorized it because it determined where I parked the van- and I grew immediately frustrated that the marked disabled parking spots were nowhere near the ramp, so very often!

“Who was so stupid as to put the disabled parking spots on the other side of the building from the ramp?” I thought.  But...it has always been like this!  I had never noticed before.  Because I hadn’t experienced it before.  

I will also never forget how horrible it was after it snowed.  Every time it snowed.  Stores would shovel and salt their sidewalks like crazy, but they would always “forget” to shovel the ramp.  My resident couldn’t go in the store, then.  He was completely barred from entering, because of a few inches of unshoveld snow and it made me so angry.

But the person I was before I’d lived that had never put such thought into this.  I’d never even noticed it.  In fact, I had done it.  I had shoveled the sidewalk for my jobs at stores I’d worked at in the past- and had never thought to clear the curb ramp of snow.  It wasn’t because I didn’t care about mobility-disabled people.  It was because I had never been one, and couldn’t put myself in their shoes.

So, for people who have never had a hearing difficulty, they just cannot understand.  It doesn’t make them a bad person.  If they suddenly were to experience life as we do (I also have hearing difficulties), then most people would probably instantly become sympathetic and even angry at the injustices we deal with daily.  But because they haven’t experienced it themselves, they really, truly, do not understand.

So the best thing that I find works is to remind them.  Constantly.  Always.  My partner, for example.  There is no one on this Earth who loves me more.  I have no doubt that he cares for me with all his heart.  But he is fully hearing, and he often says things that I don’t catch.

If I say “what?” he’ll just repeat himself, and that is useless to me, as I didn’t hear it twice now.  So then I’ll say to him “Please say that slower, and louder, and more clearly.”

And then he does.  Because he remembers that I can’t hear well.  But he does need that reminder, and he needs it all the time.  It’s not a matter of not caring- it’s that he really can’t put himself in my shoes.  He has never experienced hearing difficulties, and he doesn’t know what it’s like.

So that’s my advice to you.  Don’t just ask a person to repeat themselves- make them remember why you need it.  Add in the “Because I can’t hear well”.  Tilt your ear closer to them, or in my case, stare at their lips (I have learned to read lips and this helps me).  Do a body language that is reminding them you can’t hear.  Remind them, and they will become more patient.

I’m sorry that you have to struggle like this.  I know personally how much it sucks.  But you deserve to hear the words, anon.  So get them to repeat it.  Make them.  I don’t care if they think it’s annoying.  You deserve to hear it.

[prrplwtch]

Read that the numberings is off on mobile, so just to make sure the asmo and mc #5 and #64, is "You're more than just a one night stand." and "I'm gonna fuck you so hard that you forget you ever met that asshole." //I feel dirty just reading that

Hi nonny :) Here we it is 💜

MC and Asmo are both kind of fools, but cute ones. Smut prompt list here.

“You're more than just a one-night stand.” “I'm gonna fuck you so hard that you forget you ever met that asshole.” Asmodeus x f!MC

When MC texted Asmo to invite him to the bar, he felt quite excited about his upcoming evening. The excitement quickly turned to disappointment, however, when he’d learned that she had just broke up with her human boyfriend, but he tried his best to conceal his emotions.

“Nothing’s better than a drink to heal a broken heart,” he smiled at her, “Well, actually, that’s not quite true.”

“My heart requires no mending,” MC protested as the two of them walked into a small bar.

“But of course,” Asmo replied. Humans, he scoffed quietly.

He was not planning on getting too drunk – but one drink followed the next, and soon the room around him turned slightly blurry. He could see that MC was deep in the cups too, as crimson blush bloomed on her cheeks. Strangely enough, she had not said a single word about her ex-boyfriend. Perhaps she was not ready to open up yet.

“I think we’re drunk enough,” Asmo said as he got up from the barstool and offered MC his hand, “We still need to walk home.”

“Wait Asmo,” MC said as she looked at him, her eyes shining, “There’s something I need to tell you.”

“I’m all ears, my dear,” he replied, helping her up.

“I love you,” MC breathed out.

The room spun around him. Surely, she did not mean it like that. No, that would be a folly, of course she didn’t.

MC was quite a sweetheart and Asmo had heard her tell those around her that she loved them on many occasions. Surely she was just expressing her gratitude, he told himself, forcing his mind to stop conjuring scenarios in which she actually meant it.

“I love you too, sweetheart,” he told her with a smile, trying to hide the impact her words had on him.

MC smiled happily as she leaned onto him, as he hugged her at the waist, and the two of them left the bar. Given their state, the walk to the House of Lamentation took longer than Asmo had hoped for, although he could not complain – MC felt warm and soft against him, and he did not want to let go.

They’ve braved multiple flights of stairs and were finally outside of MC’s room, when she looked at him. “Asmo, could you please stay with me tonight?”

He knew it was a bad idea – he knew he should have turned around and left, but he was too weak to deny her – to deny himself.

They settled onto her bed, with MC cuddling closely to him, and while she was asleep almost instantly, sleep did not come to Asmo, as heavy thoughts were running through his head. MC was so special to him – for the first time in his life it felt natural to put someone’s needs, someone’s happiness ahead of his own. This new feeling scared – and excited him. He had wished deep in his heart that she’d feel the same, but he knew that was almost impossible.

How could she ever love someone like me?

He had never craved anyone the way he wanted MC, but it was not only her body that he desired, no – he needed her love. Asmo shuddered at the thought that his feelings would never be reciprocated.

Suddenly, MC shifted on the bed.

“Asmo, are you asleep?” she called out.

“No,” he replied, turning to her, “Is something wrong?”

“Asmo, I cannot bear it, I need you,” MC said simply.

Asmo tried his hardest to suppress a bitter smile. Of course, he was needed to provide the other cure from a broken heart. She must be really missing her ex. Asmo hesitated – he feared the heartache that going along with her request would bring him, but, at the same time he could not deny her, not when she looked at him like that.

If you do this, all you’ll ever be to her is a one-night stand, his mind told him, but Asmo tried to suppress the thoughts. If he denied her, she might try and find someone else – and the very thought of that suddenly filled Asmo with jealousy. But what if…

Suddenly, all thoughts were gone from his mind, when MC leaned in and kissed him. Her lips were soft and eager and tasted better than the nectar of the sweetest fruits in the Celestial Realm. Asmo’s breath caught in his throat – he’d never felt this way before and he knew that now he could not deny her.

As MC moved back, looking into his face to see his reaction, Asmo reached out and pulled her back in for another kiss. His mouth was hot and demanding, and her lips felt eager and responsive under his. He knew now – all he wanted to do was to make sure MC felt good.

His hands traveled her body, exploring and caressing. He wanted to take his time, to find out exactly what made MC gasp and shiver. Asmo trailed kisses down MC’s jaw and lower – to her neck, as his hand found its way under her nightgown. It did not take long for the two of them to get undressed, and soon Asmo was trailing kisses down MC’s stomach. As he got between her thighs, he looked up at MC’s face, relishing in the delightful blush that bloomed on her cheeks. He wanted to tease her for a while, so he began kissing the inner sides of her thighs.

“You look so beautiful,” he said, as he looked at MC’s face, enjoying the shy look in her eyes.

“Aren’t you a swee…ah,” MC’s voice trailed off, as he tasted her.

He had been craving this for so so long – and she tasted better than he could have ever imagined. He wanted – needed – her to come apart under his mouth and tongue. MC let out a soft gasp as he explored her, and Asmo eagerly continued with his task. Suddenly, MC reached out for one of his hands and took it, interlacing their fingers.

As he kept exploring her, MC began writhing under his touch, and Asmo had to hold her hips in place with his free hand. By the way she arched her back and buckled her hips against his tongue, he could tell that she was close. A moment later, he could feel her body shudder with release.

Asmo moved back up towards MC’s face and gave her a long, deep kiss.

Then he sat up on the bed, pulling MC closer to him.

“What are you doing?” she laughed.

Perhaps he should not have said that, but Demonus still had its hold on him, and Asmo replied, “I’m gonna fuck you so hard, you’ll forget you’ve ever met that asshole.”

However, MC did not seem to mind.

“That’s what I wanted to hear,” she giggled.

He slid in easily and for a moment found himself overcome with a hot, intoxicating feeling. MC let out a soft gasp, as he entered, which only made Asmo more excited. He looked into her face, as he began moving against her in search of a pleasurable rhythm. It did not take him long, and soon enough MC was arching her back and throwing her head back, exposing the tender skin of her neck.

As Asmo moved against her, he littered her neck and shoulders with small kisses. Pleasure slowly grew in his stomach, becoming almost too hot to bear. His breathing became ragged, and when he looked at MC’s face, he saw that she was completely flustered. He knew he could not last very much longer, but he wanted to extend the moment as much as he could.

Soon enough, the pleasure became too much, and, as MC snaked her fingers through his hair, pulling him in for a deep, passionate kiss, Asmo was over the edge. MC’s release followed almost instantly, leaving her breathless. For a moment, Asmo and MC sat without moving, holding each other in their arms.

“I’m so sleepy now,” MC smiled at him after they fixed their clothes.

She settled back into the bed, and Asmo lied next to her. This time again, sleep was quick to claim her, but Asmo could not sleep, as his mind, though still hazy from pleasure, raced with anxious thoughts. Why did I do this?

What would she think of me now? That I took advantage of her in her emotionally vulnerable state? That I’m good for nothing, but a one-night stand?

Asmo felt cold wave of anxiety rise in his chest. He was with her this night, but was it him that she truly wanted? Or was she simply lonely and missing her ex-boyfriend? As worry seized him, Asmo realized that he could not lie down anymore – he needed to get out of here.

Before he knew it, he was in the corridor, headed to his own room. As the door closed behind him, Asmo found himself pacing around, trying to chase away anxious thoughts without much success.

What if she never loves me back?

A lump slowly formed in his throat, and he could feel tears coming up to his eyes. Suddenly, there was a knock on the door of his room. Before he’d even opened, he knew it was MC.

“Why did you leave in the middle of the night?” she asked, looking quite upset.

“To do my skincare routine, of course,” Asmo said, trying to sound nonchalant, “A night of drinking can seriously harm the glow of your skin.”

“I thought you’d stay after…” MC’s voice sounded disappointed, “You did say you loved me too, after all.”

What?

“What?” Asmo asked, astonished.

“At the bar, when I confessed my love to you, you told me you loved me too.”

He remembered that, of course, but he never thought that… Asmo could feel his head spin. She was confessing her love to him?

“Why’d you think I was getting so drunk,” MC continued, as if not noticing his reaction, “I needed all the courage I could get to tell you how I truly feel.”

Asmo was quiet for a moment, and the look on his face must face must have betrayed him.

“Oh,” MC said, “You thought I was getting drunk because of the breakup? And that I slept with you because I was sad?”

He did not want to nod, but he could not lie to her. Suddenly, MC reached out and cupped his cheek with her palm. His heart fluttered at her touch.

“Asmo, I’m not sad about the breakup – not at all. In fact, I have moved on a while ago, I just did not think it was appropriate to break up over text. All I wanted these past few months was to tell you I loved you, but I couldn’t, not while I was involved with someone else.”

Asmo listened to her, astounded. Suddenly it all made sense.

“Well, I couldn’t be sure… You humans are strange, and I thought maybe what happened last night was your attempt to get over your ex by having a one-night stand…”

MC leaned in and kissed Asmo, interrupting him.

“Asmo, don’t ever say that,” she looked into his eyes, “You are more than just a one-night stand. You are the man I love – and I’d like for you to be my boyfriend if you want to.”

He did want that.

“How about we celebrate our new arrangement with taking a nice long bath?” Asmo asked with a smile.

“Just a bath?” MC raised her eyebrow.

“I guess you’ll have to wait and see, my love,” he replied, leaning in to kiss her.

Fic list

[moodypetrichorlove]

MacGyver Drabble

Mac-centric / Mac's thoughts on Riley. Based on his speech to Gwen about how having one person that you count on can make all the difference. This was supposed to be two paras, max, but it took a life of its own. And since it's less than 1k words, I'm putting it up here. Hope you guys like it, even though it's not the best thing I've written, lol. Also, I'm sorry I can't do the "read more" break here because Tumblr on mobile is stupid. Believe me, I tried.

—————————

"It doesn't take the whole world! Sometimes, you just need that one person that you can count on. Who you trust. And together, any problem can be solved.”

He remembers saying that to his aunt, trying to bring her to the good side, the right side. He recalls her scoffing out a laugh at that, as if he had said something next to impossible.

But, most of all, he remembers the feelings coursing through his veins when he uttered those words. Remembers how something inside of him kept telling him he knew a person like that. That he counted on, trusted without reservations. He had this vague feeling that he already had that one person on his side. He remembers a blurry face popping up and disappearing in his mind, as if a wisp of a memory. Just there to tickle him, to set the cogs in his mind to motion and leave the rest up to him.

However, back then, in the truck, was not the time to discern whose face had just flashed on the screen of his mind. Stopping Codex's nuke took priority over everything else, even his own life. So, he compartmentalized and focused on the task at hand.

Now, as he sits outside on his deck, looking at the dark 3 am night sky, a sudden stillness takes over him, reversing the compartmentalization. His brain starts working overtime on depixelating the blurry picture, zooming in and out, and he thinks God, this is Riley's area of expertise, not mine. How the heck does she do it?

It takes him a beat, but Riley's name in his thoughts acts like the code or program or whatever needed to clear up the image, and Mac sits up, all wide-open blue eyes and abrupt movements. He's on his feet, then, pacing restlessly, dismayed by the fact that it took him this long to figure out.

Riley. It was Riley's face.

He stops pacing, looks out towards the city, and sighs deeply.

Riley has been here, since day one. He trusts Riley, and knows she trusts him back, even when she's doubtful of the situation they're in or his it should work hypothetical plans. She believes in him to find a way. He can count on her to always support him, give him a pep talk when he needs one, to always know what he needs or wants to do when on a mission. She can read him like he's the easiest-to-understand book in the world, which he knows is not true because he's as complicated as they come.

Before Riley came into the picture, it was Jack. Together they solved all and any problems that came their way. And Mac will always trust Jack, always believe in him to back him up. But Jack isn't here any more. And he doesn't know how it happened, but since Jack left, Riley has been gradually shifting closer to him. She cannot replace Jack, because no one ever can, and because he wouldn't want Riley to be anyone other than her own self. After all, there is only one Riley Davis, and Mac is uber grateful to the powers that be that he gets to have her in his life.

She has sneaked her way into his heart, way higher and deeper than anyone else. Which demands a whole other dissection and in-depth self-exploration because he has a girlfriend. He does have a girlfriend, right? (Yeah, definitely something to ponder on another day.)

So yeah, he doesn't want her out, ever. And he's going to do whatever he can to ensure it. He has to figure stuff with Desi out first; then he can move forward, and explore how deep his feelings for Riley run.

As he realises, though, that he doesn't want her out, a calming warmth spreads through his entire being, and God knows he needs it. He's been feeling a little too cold these days. Not the kind of cold that you need layers against, but the kind that just stunts you, makes you act unlike yourself.

————————————

A few days later, when his heart cracks a little too loudly in his chest because Riley tells him she is moving out, he feels unable to take a breath, like someone's sucking all the oxygen out of the room, and he thinks oh, karma, how I hate you.

But Mac also feels a hope bloom inside; Riles is talking about leaving him all alone in his too-empty home and his heart is breaking and he takes it as a sign. A blaring, screaming neon sign that makes him more certain in his feelings for Riley.

And he knows then. He knows he can't let her go.

[aphrodicted]

Hi! I'm C! so nice to meet you!. I would love to get some advice from your decks,please. What do I need to do to improve my current emotional state? I have just separated from someone and I feel so much rage against him that I don't even recognize myself. I don't know what to do. I have been doing cleansing, meditating, but my rage doesn't go away. So, any advice would be greatly appreciated. His name starts with L if it helps. I'm cancer, he is Piscis. Many blessings to you and thank you!

Hi, C!! Nice to meet you too!! I’m so sorry to read that… I’ll try to help you with my cards!!

Why are you still feeling anger at L?: Four of Cups, Three of Wands, The Hanged Man, Four of Pentacles, Queen of Swords, Eight of Wands, The Temperance.

It’s the last stage, C! All this anger you are feeling is the last step towards the calm and happiness that you are looking for so much. Everything you are feeling and everything you have lived are situations that the Universe has brought into your life to make you decide what you want in your life. What makes you happy? What makes you unhappy? What do you want in your life from now on? Start answering these questions to move towards a future full of new opportunities. Choose what you want in your future and what you should leave behind.

Why are you still feeling anger at L? There’s a change in your attitude that you haven’t yet carried out. Bad habits dragged from your past must be eliminated so as not to repeat the same experiences in the future. Bad habits can also refer to detachments that you haven’t achieved. Release at once the people or routines that don’t let you move forward! It’s essential that you rethink your life right now and change everything you don’t want. Your change of attitude must go hand in hand with a rethinking of your life.

Not only that which brings you nothing should be eliminated, but you must also free yourself from the bonds that persecute you from the past. Soon you will make these feelings that still haunt you disappear, but you must change from the inside and eliminate all that is unnecessary. One of the most important points that you should work on is the obcecation and stubbornness that you may be having. The past may be becoming too important and difficult to eliminate from your life. However, why be so tied to the past? Analyze everything that happened in your past and discover if there’s something you should learn from all the situations experienced. What lessons should you incorporate into your life? Analyze if there’s something you should understand about your life that you haven’t yet understood. There are lessons that you should incorporate into your present that you may not be fully understanding.

However, my girls ask you to convey calm. You’ll not get peace quickly, but you must do it little by little. Keep in mind that this is one more learning and you must understand everything you are living as a lesson so as not to repeat the same mistakes in the future. Don’t hurry, but learn from pain.

Why hasn’t everything you’ve done to get rid of rage?: Queen of Pentacles (reversed), Eight of Swords, Five of Swords.

You haven’t been honest with yourself! My cards tell me that during all the exercises you’ve done to make this anger disappear, you haven’t been entirely honest with yourself. I think it would be important to do ‘shadow work’: remember how was your break with L and what hurted you so much. Was it L’s attitude? Was it his little responsibility in the relationship? Was it your attitude? Find out what things hurt you and have been fueling the rage that lives inside you. Rage is usually poorly channeled pain: pain that we aren’t able to transmit and that we don’t show to those around us.

Find trusted people with whom to talk about this topic. It may be beneficial to express this anger and someone to listen to you. Everything you haven’t been able to say, why don’t you talk to someone you trust and transmit everything?

I recommend an exercise that I don’t know if you’ve done so far. Write a letter to L. You don’t have to do it by hand, you can do it on your computer or even on your mobile, but you have to do it in a moment of solitude and when nobody can bothers you. When you’re ready and comfortable: start writing an introduction, as if you were sending the letter to him. In the following paragraphs write everything that hurt you: what things has L done that has marked you so negatively? What would you have said to L that you could never tell him? Write everything negative about your relationship, your break… When you’re done with all the negative, you should write everything good: thanks L for all the good times he has given you. Although there are few positive things, thank him for the good. To end the letter, and as an internal exercise, say goodbye to him and show your forgiveness. Why should you forgive L? Because this way you can forgive yourself. The first forgiveness you must find is yours: forgive yourself for being in suffering that may be unnecessary and, when you’re ready, you’ll forgive L.

You still feel a lot of pain for a love. I feel that you feel little understood by L. Have you ever felt that he was not sincere with you? Don’t worry. Don’t feel trapped by thoughts of a past that cannot be solved. The decisions of the past cannot be changed, but those you can change those you’ll make in the future. Right now you’re trapped because you still feel deep pain from a past relationship. Try to do ‘shadow work’ and the exercise that I have told you before. Little by little you will get rid of the pain.

And please, don’t pretend you’re fine when you’re not! You must be honest with your feelings and live them. I don’t ask you to be crying 24/7, but be honest and show how you feel, at least, to yourself.

What do you need to do to improve your current emotional state?: Prince of Swords, The Fool, Ten of Pentacles.

What can you do to improve your emotional state? Act seriously. Analyze the situation and look for what memories, people, situations, attachments… What things still keep you tied to a past relationship that only brings you pain? When you find the answers (which will take a few days) write them down on a piece of paper and analyze how you can get rid of it. Use this time of pain to discover the lessons that the Universe has wanted to teach you and use them in the present so as not to make the same mistakes in the future. Do ‘shadow work’ and know yourself more deeply. The most important thing is that you take a reflexive step and introduce yourself. There’s pain in the depths of your being that must be healed. But you must do it little by little, without hurry.

The partners you’ll meet in the future will not make you go through the suffering L made you live. Don’t let love opportunities pass by not wanting to relive what you lived with L. Take a chance and enjoy love opportunities that will appear in the future. Meet new people and have fun with them. However, the cards ask you to wait to be better emotionally in order to be in a new relationship.

An advice for you: Ocean of eternal love: Healing, creativity, fertility.

It’s said that love conquers everything, and this is especially true for you right now. Something is resolved and healed thanks to love. What was once arid becomes fertile. A seed is planted and you are the creator. The conditions are favorable, the weather is perfect, a new creation awaits you. The birth of something new gives you joy and excitement. The endless changes of season of eternity turn its invisible wheel and a new cycle begins. A new image is born.

Love heals. Love brings you determination. Love conquers. Love creates. Love is eternal

Good luck, C!

[poppeeta]

Time for some sap before I run out of data again

@3amgameover @areallyyellowmango @walkingreadytobedeady @mitchsmasterpiece @princetozier

I'm looking at you, weirdos.

*******HOW DO YOU PUT READ MORES IN MOBILE ********

You guys are my family. That's it, cannot change this and I want you to know that I love each and one of you and I wish nothing but happiness and fulfillment in your lives.

Despite the game being over, I want ya'll to know I'll always care about you, and I'll be here if you need help/advice/comforting or whatever. Meeting you five nerds made my life so much better.

Jazz, remember all the things we've talked about. I might not be the brightest but whatever "word of wisdom" I have, I'll share it with you. Our lives may be very different, but kindness is a universal language.

Mango thanks for teaching me so many things and encouraging me to draw, you will always be my senpai I don't care if you're younger than me. Knowledge comes in every size and form.

Wenis thanks for helping me so much in so many occasions. You keep me sane. And you're so patient, too. You always let me ramble about boring shit and I appreciate it.

Dippin you are the babeyest babey and I will love you forever. You can come to me whenever you need help okay? If I don't have the answer I'll do my best google research and discuss my findings with you. Keep being a sweet, beautiful angel.

Haylee you're one of the cool kids (the cool kids 🎶) and I know you're good friends with jazz, please take care of each other and stop bullying each other okay? Tell Dani I said hi.

I can't believe all the things I lived to meet you guys

All the dramas, all the discourse, all the hype in between episodes...

I wish I could have met you in previous seasons but that's fate for ya'll lol

I don't know what to tag this, because it's not a goodbye. I'll keep talking to you guys, but I need to get this out of my system or my sick body won't be able to handle it.

AHGO

[sceada]

Hey there. It's been a few years. You might remember me as Key? I've been thinking about you recently, and I was a little surprised that just punching in 'sceada' as tumblr handle actually worked out. It looks like you've been through a lot since we last talked. I'm sorry it's been so rough. I know you've struggled for a long time, even since before we met. But it's heartwarming seeing you're still here. I'm proud of you, and I hope you can be proud of yourself too. Take care of yourself.

So... first off, I am sorry it took me so long to reply to this. Part of it was due to it being a very busy week, but another part was... well...

Initially, I just didn't know what to say, really. Because when I first read this on saturday night, it left me teary-eyed and touched me deeply. And well... I didn't just want to reply with something short, as this... this deserves a longer reply.

First off... Of course I remember you, Key. How could I forget? You were a dear friend to me, someone who I greatly enjoyed talking with and also hanging out with, and not to mention, you're the one who got me into Ace Attorney among other things. I often catch myself thinking back to those times when we were Staff on PokéFarm, and how our little group felt almost like a small family of sorts.

I know I really only have myself to blame for how I gradually lost contact with everyone once I quit staff and then, during the transition to PFQ, also slowly disappeared from the site. But you can believe me when I say that I've often lamented my failure to stay in touch, and not rarely wondered if I could even manage to reconnect with my old friends anymore.

Granted, some of the reasons that led to this gradual disappearance of mine had to do with everything I went through in the last years, or maybe the last decade rather, but it's no excuse for how I fell off the face of the earth in a sense. I know communication is a two-way street, but that doesn't mean I can just always wait for others to take the first step - a lesson that took me entirely too long to learn, I have to admit.

That said... it really has been a lot, with quite a few things not going my way, to put it kindly. First me breaking up with my first girlfriend and falling out of university, which gradually nurtured an underlying depression that years later, after more interpersonal setbacks and failures, would come to bite me hard, leading me to almost make a terrible mistake.

Then, the long way fighting back from that and the issues it all brought with it, with all these many roadblocks that sprung up, complicating every step of the way until I finally felt somewhat healthy again, and ready to tackle something new, to take proper steps forward.

And then December 2016 happened, with them finding the tumor in my spine, and the then urgent and honestly almost a bit rushed decision to remove as much of it as possible right away. The resulting paralysis after the surgery. The first few days when I couldn't feel anything below my waist and felt utterly miserable. Then the realization that slowly settled in that my life would change harshly. The fear, the uncertainty, the feeling of no longer being any good whatsoever... - I don't want to delve deeper into this. I'm sorry, if this makes you or anyone else reading it uncomfortable.

And then, the rehab. Being away from home and everyone for half a year. Learning to live with a wheelchair and limited mobility. Rediscovering how to find joy in small things, how to just take whatever came and make the best of it. We cannot choose the cards that Life deals us - only how we play them. And fortunately, I had the good luck of doing my rehab at a place that taught me how to play my cards well, and make the most of them.

There's been many more things in between then and now, not to mention our dear friend Corona and how that affected us all, but ever since the rehab, things have been climbing up that big steep hill. Maybe not always with progress, maybe sometimes even with setbacks even, yes. But things did improve in the big picture of it... - and I'm glad I'm still here now.

Nowadays, I can walk again, albeit with a crutch most of the time. I can work in a job that's rarely ever boring, with people who are a delight to work with and have around. I finally got to live with my girlfriend, whom I've been with for a little over 8 years now. Yes, there's still plenty of troubles and issues, some big enough to make you despair. I won't deny that. But all in all... I've come a far away.

And Key, I'm not sure I can even convey just how much it meant to me when I saw your message. When I was allowed to see an old friend reach out to me, and beyond that, even express happiness and pride that I'm still around. I wouldn't have believed it beforehand, but really, this is more than I could have ever asked for. And yes, it's making me teary eyed again right now.

I'm sorry, this is getting very long again... - as you can see, I haven't quite made it past my tendency to ramble on at times and write walls of text. My apologies. But really... I needed to write all of this. And I hope that is okay.

I am proud of what I've achieved, especially in the last five years. Sure, compared to what others my age have achieved, or even many who are younger than me, it isn't all that much. But it's a lot for me, especially given all that happened. I may never become as succesful as I once dreamed or even as well-paid as I hoped to be, but that's alright. I've had steep hills to climb in the last decade, and much to overcome. And I managed to get over most of time. And as you said Key... That is something I should be proud of.

I shouldn't keep this going much longer now though, so let me end with something I hope you'll see, and maybe other old friends one day will as well:

I was very happy to hear from you again, my dear friend. I've missed talking to you, and quite frankly, I'd love to reconnect one of these days. Sadly, as this ask was sent on anon, I have no way to contact you right now, so I can only hope you'll see this one day, but...

If you'd like to talk again, if you'd like to maybe even reconnect, then I'd be more than happy to do so. Currently, the easiest way to reach me is through Discord. Given how original I have been lately, I'm sure the username comes as no surprise to you: Sceada#1085

Feel free to drop me a message or send me a friend request whenever you feel like it. I'd definitely be happy to hear from you again, and maybe even get to talk some more. I've missed you, my friend... And I sincerely hope you are doing well in your life.

So... yeah. Thank you for thinking of me... It means a lot to me. And thank you for having made my day happier with your message.

Patrick/Sceada~

[ohmaiwhathavewedone]

Rules

Mobile blind user here! New to this all still.

With that and as i said earlier I'm still learning. I would love to have clean trimmed posts and all that but I am finding it difficult to do so on my phone. I cannot copy past the entire response and cannot do a small link.

I reply on my partner to do the trimming to keep our stuff looking nice.

Also with mobile I cannot always access your links. Please bear with me if I ask you to send it to me. I try to be mindful and look at them. If I break a rule or upset you please communicate. I'm only human and cannot remember every single thing I've read, all of them start to blend together.

I have no triggers that I'm aware of. However this blog is NSFW so triggering posts of all types may be present. I am terrible at tagging and am trying to work on that. However I understand for your own sanity I'd you cannot follow because of that.

I'm not mutual exclusive or selective. I want to get everyone a shot :D

However for OC's please DM me first so we can chat ooc about it. I have a hard time interacting with people in real life, if you throw an OC at me I'll be lost.

If our muses work great! I'm open to all types of ships. Platonic, friends, romantic, hate. Let's give it a go. Just talk to me first so I know that a your aim. I like the idea of seeing them get to know one another first and for any sort of romance the muns have to communicate.

Mai is open to flings and that also, doesn't mean they are shipped. I will not tag as an official ship unless we have agreed on it.

If our muses don't interact well, for whatever the reason my be, like our writing styles or ideas don't click, that's fine! Still send in asks or anons unless we decide it's best to not interact. I understand that my muse will not have a friendship with everyone and that's fine. We can crack post or have dash shenanigans if you'd like.

I write in short to long paragraphs. One liners are fun but if that's all you offer in return, understand I will be highly put off.

I am always around, I get everyone else is low activity or you get caught up on a theme you enjoy in the moment or with other muses. But if I've sent you things and responses to thread and hear nothing back I will just silently back off. I can take a hint if you are too shy to let me know you are not intrested.

Asks are open for responses! If you wanna thread it and give it a go let's do it! I try to tag it as such but I leave the ask or other meme as 《♡ Let's do a thing ♡》 it's open for threads.

If it has been more than a few days without response I may not be into it as I reply fairly quick. Or forgotten, feel free to nudge me about it.

Over all just communicate with me and be

respectful I guess? If you aren't sure I'm down for something just ask! Or if you just wanna chat OOC absolutely hit me up.

I do have discord that I'm figuring our how to use. That will be mutuals only and selective. Dont be shy to ask :D

I'm here for a good time. Let's do a thing!

《♡: About :♡》

[[MORE]]

Name: Mai Valentine

Sex: Female

Orientation: Bisexual

Age: Mid to late 20s ( Unless plotted other wise )

Deciding to stay in Domino after the events following her rallying with Dartz's crew, seeking to rebuild her life with a fresh start rather than traveling all over. She lives in a small apartment alone. Having left the world of dueling, she now works as a bartender. Channeling all focus on work and any side gigs she can get from it.

Haunted by the events of battle city she is plagued with endless nightmares and often hears the chilling voice of the one who sent her to suffer in the shadows.

She reached a low point unsure how to deal with it, feeling more alone than other, as if she had nobody to reach out to. Mai attended to take her life through self harm. She bears these scars on her wrists and doesn't talk much about it unless a bond is there. Due to that she opts to wear long sleeves or her infamous gloves.

For the most part she keeps to herself since it's all she has known and friends usually don't work out.

Her attitude is more laid back, she can be flirty but tries to be more aware. She could careless for the attention of others at this point and uses ak that energy for work to make better tips. Often sleep deprived from over working and the inability to sleep due to night terrors.

She has anxiety and insecurities that barely let that over confidence shine through as it once did. She combats things with sarcasm and if she feels unwanted will take the hint and leave.

She is loyal to the ones she cares for, with that big sister attitude.