#cannot draw a man constantly to save my life | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

nqmonarch · 8 months ago

Text

Thoughts About Being in a Relationship with HSR Characters

So like we all love to fantasize about being in a relationship with fictional characters but would we want to actually be in one? As a huge fan of the Aeons I did a quick overview. Even though getting into a relationship with one is widely unrealistic (actually impossible because they're video game characters but even in game it's unrealistic).

Warning: This is just for fun

Aha

Wow, Aha is such a goofy Aeon sure the chaos they cause is insane but there's never a dull moment with them around. But like imagine being in the HSR universe and being in a relationship with this Aeon. 99% chance of death (because of a prank), that 1% chance is saved if for some reason you can't be killed.

Literally miserable. You know how you try to have like a normal conversation with your dad, or guy friend, or boyfriend but they just don't take shit seriously. Like they avoid the topic 24/7 because of jokes. Imagine trying to have a serious conversation with this guy, actual terrible experience.

In a modern AU would be one of those prank YouTubers that like pretends to kill your friend as a prank but actually does kill your friend, it's not a prank. Why aren't you laughing?

0/10.

Akivili

If still alive 10/10 in the HSR universe, 9/10 in modern AU. I am down to travel all over the cosmos but since I have a normal life here on Earth I am perfectly happy staying in my room, writing, coding, and drawing. But Akivili would def bring back some banger souvenirs and pictures even if you're just a friend of theirs.

If dead then 10/10 in both.

Fuli

Okay serious question do you think they'd taxidermy their lover? Like I know in HSR there's not really that option (their lover could be one of the memokeepers I guess?) but in Modern AU I feel like they'd taxidermy their lover. I don't know if that's a plus or a negative.

Definitely the kind of Aeon to be hung up on their first love so you better hope you're that first love. Or else they'll be reminiscing over memories and old photos and old videos and constantly comparing them to you-- man that sucks. Probably would take you out to nice dinners though and give you lots of good memories.

In Modern AU I feel like the idea of Fuli gets 10 times more mystical and also 10 times creepier, like someone that tries to record all of the events in the world but also the events happening right now. So historian, journalist combo, except I feel like they would just appear out of nowhere and then just go back to the void and post a bunch of random photos online. They'd definitely have observed their lover before talking to them (likely several times) which is the creepy aspect.

7/10 for the memories.

Actual 10/10 you cannot argue otherwise on this. Okay, you definitely can but 10/10 in my book aside from the fact you die but like you'll either be accepting your death and dying or spend the rest of your life trying to prove IX wrong about the purpose of life.

Wouldn't take you on dates, you'd have to take IX on dates, plan the whole thing out, really fluster them, give them the time of their existence. And IX would sit there like the gentleman... gentlewoman? Gentle creature it is. I feel like they would be very polite :)

In Modern AU I'm pretty sure IX is just your average office worker who hates their life and sees no point to it but for some reason can't die. 9/10. IX loses one point for no longer being a blackhole.

Lan

Honestly... another gentle creature, and like respectfully, very respectfully I would love to take them out on a date. Seems respectful, apparently pays close attention to mortals so there's a higher chance of Lan keeping their lover alive if they're (Lan's lover) a mortal. Pretty sure 90% of the Aeons would accidentally kill a mortal lover.

Just seems very obsessed with their goals and honestly I respect the grind. 8/10, your average grinder. That being said Lan is also absolutely beautiful but I'm not a big horse person.

In Modern AU Lan would be someone that's trying to change the world, one of those go getters. Again very respectful, and cool but would probably work 16 hours a day which makes holding a relationship pretty hard. 7/10.

Mythus

I haven't done Gold and Gears or finished Swarm Disaster but damn Mythus is really hot. Smash. Uh 6/10 because I don't know their personality or even what they represent but they are really beautiful. I like the jellyfish.

Nanook

Aw man, the moment I saw this guy I knew they would haunt my thoughts. And yeah they do. So beautiful from the molten lava, golden eyes, white hair, man if only they didn't have the personality of an absolute asshole. Like I write fanfiction about Nanook sometimes (pretty rarely) and I can say I am literally pulling every possible string I can to make this Aeon a good lover and somewhat in character.

This is just because I like writing lovers that are semi-decent, it's pretty hard when you get to people like Nanook but I do my best. There's no way a relationship with Nanook would work out feasibly because there's no way they'd love you.

But if they did... I don't know, Nanook is still a pretty bad person for trying to kill everything else in the world so I'm gonna have to dock some points for that. Reminds me of the brooding quiet, only soft spot is for you, male lead troupe except Nanook is trying to murder everyone 24/7.

In Modern AU, I don't even know what Nanook would be? An assassin? A serial killer? I can kind of see like a revolution leader cause apparently they were born from the flames of a world in complete destruction and they saw everything as ugly and destruction as the only possible outcome. I can see a twist with Nanook leading a revolution in hopes of creating a more beautiful world but finding destruction as the only possible outcome that will remove the plague known as life.

Even if they loved you, they'd be very busy with their revolution plans, and I feel like you'd probably be caged away somewhere far away from the danger so you'd barely see Nanook if they wanted to keep you alive.

2/10, 2 points for being so FUCKING beautiful. Thanks Hoyoverse for making a character so attractive.

Qlipoth

Okay Qlipoth would be like big puppy partner, you get me. Like golden retriever vibes or uh... that one person that watches over everything to make sure you're safe but not like in the stalker way. Like the government, y'know? Except the government now wants to make sure you're safe! :D

I am a bit thrown off by the fact Qlipoth is a rock but I'm even more thrown back by the IPC. Like they're really fucking annoying (not as individuals I love Topaz and Aventurine) they're like Qlipoth's lil fanclub. They'd also be Qlipoth's fanclub in Modern AU, I'd imagine and I will imagine.

Also they're a bit sus, like I know they're great, but they want to build a wall. What's the wall for, huh?

Anyway as a partner sure they're a rock, and have an annoying fanclub but they'd probably be really caring and would be able to destroy anything that threatens you. I'd imagine it's about the same in Modern AU but destroy anything with money.

Nothing is stronger than money, actually a nuke is but we're going to assume none of the Modern AU versions of the characters would have access to that or make their own because that would change the game.

I'd say 7/10 in both HSR and Modern AU, I don't know they're just kinda sus...

Tayzzyronth

I'm about half way through the swarm disaster and question time--

If insect, why hot? Like I hate bugs, mainly flying ones, but like why is Tayzzyronth half insect half human 100% beautiful? Anyway from what I know they basically became an Aeon because they were lonely and like the last one of their species and honestly, they deserve a hug for that.

Still absolutely terrifying and if you were in a relationship with them you'd probably be smothered with the Swarm which is beyond terrifying. Would be significantly better in Modern AU where they wouldn't have insects around them all the time. 4/10 in HSR and 7/10 in Modern AU.

Xipe

Don't know them but they're so beautiful and with a path like the Harmony they've got to be good, right? Right?

9/10.

Yaoshi

I think Yaoshi is the Aeon I most actively thirst for, like they're so beautiful, and they pull off deranged love so well. They would keep their lover alive until their lover goes insane because of mara. And they're super kind, and empathetic. The threat of becoming mara struck is one I would take just to be in their presence. 10/10.

In Modern AU! they'd be so beautiful, still, like one of those fragile looking beauties that would just approach you randomly and then ask, "Are you in pain?" And it'd be really creepy but because it's Yaoshi it'd be okay and you'd fall in love like instantly. Don't answer yes to the question though. I feel like they'd have mad scientist vibes, probably would do unethical experiments which doesn't really sit right with me. Again, would try to keep their lover alive no matter what but they'd be really nice. 9.5/10.

Alright so I did this in 30 minutes instead of working on my presentation which is due tomorrow and I haven't finished research for.

Again this was just for fun, all of the Aeons have super great designs and are super cool imo :) props to Hoyoverse for this

#hsr #hsr aeons #ix the nihility #nanook #yaoshi #I LOVE YAOSHI SO MUCH LIKE MAN #qlipoth #lan #fuli #akivili #aha

67 notes · View notes

on-a-lucky-tide · 1 month ago

Note

Did anyone do the character ask game for Price?

Ha, Anon, I didn't. I had a few sporadic individual ones. I think people went: ahh, he's a Price guy, someone else will ask the Price guy about Price. But no. No.

Favourite thing about him

His disregard for bullshit rules. His frustration with the bureaucracy in the way of achieving just goals. I think he has a strong sense of justice (dictated by his own moral compass), and perceived injustice cannot stand. If you slight him, or the people he cares for, he's coming for you, and nothing on this earth or the next will save you from him. We share the frustration and the strong sense of justice in common. Mine gets me in trouble a lot, because I will absolutely tell people when I think they're being cunts or what they're asking me to do isn't right. I've landed on my feet most times, but not always. So, I guess I can relate.

What else? He's an overachiever and I love exploring where that drive comes from. I think I project a lot in coming up with the cause; disappointing your parents by being queer, so you work yourself down to the bone to prove yourself worthy of a love that will only destroy you in the end, because it's conditional on your soul bending in a way it's not meant to.

I love his fiery temper. Love it when he snarls and snaps. He's not the emotionless commander, blank slate protagonist who is perfect so we can project ourselves onto him thoughtlessly. Kind of linked to the rest of him: asymmetrical face, thinning hair at the crown, receding hairline, scruffy facial hair, strong build but not Hollywood ripped. He's an every man; flaws, freckles, n' everything in between.

Least favourite thing about him

He's intelligent and manipulative. He finds the broken boys, he tells them they can make a difference and all they've got to do is what he says, he puts the gun in their hands, points and gives the kill order. I think Price cares for them in his own way, but I also think he knows when someone is vulnerable to his particular brand of maverick justice. Price knows he inspires loyalty and devotion to an almost unhealthy degree, and he uses that to his advantage.

I say "least", again, but I think it makes him interesting. I think Soap throwing himself between him and a bullet would have profoundly affected him. Soap throwing his life away for Price - not the mission, for Price - was never part of the plan.

Favourite line(s):

"Haha, you think of ev'ryfin'."

"Ahh, sing it a lullaby, we gotta go!"

"Let's get evil."

"We fight not so that the world will remember us, but so that there will be a world to remember."

"This is for Soap."

Basically every time he opens his mouth, to be honest.

BrOTP

Price & Laswell; gay-lesbian solidarity. Price & Farah is also sweet.

OTP

Nik/Price, now and forever. Ghost/Price a very close second.

NOTP

Price/abuse. So, Makarov, Shepherd. Anyone who's gonna hurt him. Can't do it.

Random headcanon

I mean... I'm constantly writing them. But the one that comes up now and then is his accent. I think he trained himself out of it at Sandhurst because he wanted to be taken seriously. There's still a lot of snobbery in the British military at that level. Scouser Price is still very fun to write.

Unpopular opinion

That man has absolutely internalised a truckload of toxic masculinity that he needs to work through to heal.

Song I associate with them

Favour picture of him

Every artist that draws Price ever. But also...

QUOKKA PRICE!

#captain john price #ask game #cod #call of duty

34 notes · View notes

kerubimcrepin · 8 months ago

Text

Crepinlore and the 30-50 random games 90% of fandom has never heard about

This post, like everything else about this blog, is very self-indulgent. I discovered many things during its making, and I simply can't not share. So, let's begin with something you likely have literally never heard about, and go to more popular things from there:

KROSMASTER ARENA 3D

Krosmaster arena online was a video game it seems nobody played, and honestly, I am mentioning it here because I fear that if I don't document it, it will disappear, and it will turn out that it was simply a vision I had, as if in a David Lynch movie. Evaporating, like tears in rain.

I don't think anyone ripped/tried to rip/found a way to rip the models from it — and considering the fact they're pretty... mobile ad-core, not much may have been lost.

Anyway, here's Keke beating the shit out of some guy.

Wakfu Les Gardiens

youtube

Joris appears in the quest "The Tree of Life" of this game, which, as far as I'm aware, was updated in time with Wakfu episodes.

Even back then, Ankama knew that 1. Joris is very sus and 2. you cannot let him get close to you during a battle, or it's OVER.

It's all very cute.

There is something interesting I wanna say about this sprite, actually:

An alternate version of it exists, made as a concept for the Dofus MMO. I am assuming it was Juien Druant elaborating on the ways Joris might look in the game. The first two designs are: baby Joris (probably not used because he looks too young to be a 200 year old man...) and Welsh & Shedar 60yo Joris. They were combined to make the iconic Dofus MMO-era 200yo Joris design.

I'm quite sure that this sprite references the Les Gardiens one very heavily.

One More Gate: A Wakfu Legend

The first game in this list that actually has implications for real lore, and yet its plot is literally "it was all a dream that Oropo was having while inside the Eliacube"

For this reason, the events of this game are not entirely reliable — but are probably based in some way on the memories Oropo has.

The main contribution this game has to Crepinlore is a third Crepin, who might be an ancient ancestor of the brothers, whom Oropo met and remembered, some sort of cousin, or he might be based entirely on fiction, and inspired by Kerubim (though ehhh I severely doubt Oropo would care so much about him that he'd hallucinate a guy like him within Eliacube's fake world).

I really want to headcanon that the events of the game are based on something he really experienced, waaay before forming the brotherhood. But that's just my brain disaeses.

Here we can see the store itself.

Krosmaga

I saved the best for the last — Krosmaga.

youtube

A video of the casts of Dofus and Wakfu beating the shit out of each other

There are characters besides Atcham, Joris, and Kerubim in this game — Julith, Jahash, Lou... But I choose to concentrate on my favorite three ones. Or I will die fr.

If this Ecaflip gives the impression of constantly having a bad hair day, it's precisely because he doesn't have any! Brother of Kerubim Crépin, Atcham is fiercely jealous of the man he considers his worst enemy. And how could he not be, when not only does he occupy the prestigious position of Ecaflip's favorite son, but also displays his dense, silky fur without any modesty or sensitivity?

Here are his three forms:

I'm.,. unwell about the white one. I have to draw Atcham in a Bontarian getup one of these days.

They're really giving a fight to this Joris costume recolor from a Christmas event in one of the MMOs... (Now I want to see Kerubim in red too!)

On topic of Joris,

Adopted son of Kerubim Crépin, Joris is a curious and mischievous little boy. His favorite pastime is listening to the childhood adventures of his beloved "Papycha". And when he's too busy serving customers in his antique store, he's off playing with his best friend Lilotte! An avid boufbowl player and fan of Khan Karkass, Joris also hopes to become a star of the horned ball. While his destiny may already be mapped out on the stadium pitch, his origins are much less clear… But the good thing about not knowing where you come from is that you can imagine anything! For the little boy, there's no doubt: his parents were great boufbowl players, and it doesn't matter if it's true or not!

Here are his alternative forms:

I LOVE THE WAY HIS ADULT SELF IS DRAWN IN THIS GAME... I'm insane.

And now, last but not least: Kerubim.

Judging by his adventures, Kerubim seems to have had more than 9 lives! From small-time opera rat, to Bontarian police officer, to lawyer: the least we can say is that during his youth, the man Joris calls his Papycha never stopped working! So much so that today, the owner of the antique store Aux Trésors de Kerubim takes advantage of his free time to purr quietly in his armchair, or to tell his adopted son about his past adventures. Past? Well, not quite! Because when the terrible witch Julith arrives to retrieve Jahash's Ivory Dofus, and seems intent on attacking Joris, the old tomcat doesn't hesitate to get in her way. With Kerubim, there's no age limit to being a hero!

Once again, it is confirmed that the store's name s literally "Aux Trésors de Kerubim". Sorry, I'm insane about the name of the show being the name of the store.

And his alternative forms:

He's beautiful.

#sidegames #wakfu #dofus #krosmoz

36 notes · View notes

atechnobladeapologist · 9 months ago

Text

Paralels between Emerald duo and Codebreakers (canons and headcanons).

First of all they are my favorites character, I cannot even put in words how much I like them, my brain is gonna rot.

Personally I dont like to see the relationship that Phil have with them as something pathernal, but more as something close to the idea of the Moiral quadrant that we had on homestuck.

For you who saved your ass and stayed farrr away from this webcomic (just joking dont take that part too serious), Moirail basicly are besties that has a strings and specials bond, Moirail it’s that person who you feel safe to open up and talk about problems and feelings. That’s it if I dont mistaken me, omg my memorie is so poor, but look if Im wrong this is still the concept that Im looking for okay :c

Based on it, we should normalize kiss your best- COF COF, I mean, normalize writing an open love letter to your best friend in a pretty platonic way (Im not being ironic).

In short, they are best friends, bros, buddys.

Yeh I talk too much, too much, lesgo then.

The totem thing. I like to think Philza is pretty concerned with the boys, because Techno and Elotes are almost two ambulant suicidals just because of the totens, yet Phil is just like omggg sit down and stay quiet just for two entire minutes. I imagine Phil have constantly to bandage and sew up their wounds, SPECIALLY with Etoiles, that French Beast thing and his way of looking at thing intensifies this a lot.

I have a really strong headcanon that in both codebreakers and emerald duo Techno and Etoiles have a very strong relationship with Mumza because of the times they almost died (a pretty fun relationship btw, I bet she gives advices and philosophizes about life with them), at the point they know her even BEFORE know Philza or as long as they know him, and all this often without Philza even knowing, and when he descovers he goes like: WHAT?!

Even though Philza doesnt look physically as strong as them (I like to think he is, for real) the two still admire the man as if he were a super cool older friend, and besides none of them show it to Phil or tell him, they both are like: LOOK that cool guy is MY FRIEND, how cool, isnt it?

Headcanon, the warriors already cried in front him.

I know that Techno is pretty concerned about his reputation in a certain way but I really like to pass this to Etoiles too, Imagine a moment where they are showing friendly affection for eachother with a hug or something, and out of nowhere they break up and Etoiles says, “man, I’m enjoying this but it hurts my reputation”, even when theres NO ONE close to see it, they’re just so out of touch they have ashamed of it, in the most fluffy way you can imagine that, it’s pretty funny imagine beasts, unshakable warriors that just cant deal with a hug of their best friend.

Techno hear voices, Etoiles get the paranoid <3

They have wavy and curly hair and sometimes Phil helps them to finish their hair, for techno he usually braid his all hair and for Etoiles he do a tiny terere on the side. Philza encourage both to take more care of their hair because he likes the curls and waves.

Techno and Etoiles have completly unexpected hobbies, I like to think that tech know how to sew and he have a whole sketchbook just for crosquis and Etoiles constantly draw and makes small wood sculptures, cute things because he usually gives to Pomme. We can invert this too btw, I think it matchs with both!

Despite Phil’s warnings they simply refuse to have a healthy sleep schedule.

If it was necessary they would sacrifice themselfs for keep the oldman safe.

I didn’t talk much about Phil :c but I was trying to do something more focused on Tecchnoblade and Etoiles in the relationship with him ya know? Maybe another time I’ll do something for our blondie girlie pop.

I truly like how those duos are simillary with eachother even when one of them are different people. Btw codebreakers should be more contrast on the fandom hihi.

Just to remember English is not my mother language so sorry for the poor words choose.

#codebreakers #q!etoiles #technoblade #emerald duo #q!philza #c!techno #c!philza #philza minecraft #etoiles

41 notes · View notes

smiles-ocs · 1 year ago

Text

Some concepts and ideas for Castor and Ronan’s story called Starchild. Some of these are… hard to get to drawing, specifically Ronan’s younger siblings, might redesign them, but they’re all very young. Ronan left to join a crew so he could make money for them while his parents physically can’t work, and he made sure that his 12-year-old brother is very helpful. Then some random character ideas. A first mate on Castor’s pirate crew, two important characters named Rigel and Esther, castor as a young boy, and random scene ideas I have.

There’s a lot of crap I’m rambling about under the cut so go there if you want to know more about the characters, lore, and spoilers

I also have an idea of a deity or something of the sorts. It’s bascially a “Star God”, something with incredible power that was given to them from the heavens, and it is responsible for the starchildren that have shown up around the world, hence why this series is called Starchild. The whole thing around the Star God is a mystery, but people do know it exists thanks to the star children. This is a little dark but some explanation on Starchildren:

Starchildren are born every few hundred years or so, it’s unknown how often a starchild is born, but people believe that starchildren are the star god’s children, and that when they reach a certain age, they are sacrificed to deal with all the problems the world is having. They believe that if a starchild is not sacrificed, demons from hell will arrive to destroy the world. I hinted at this on my last post, but starchildren turn into strange creatures, the main one being the Leviathan. There’s also the Kraken and the other one who’s name is so complicated I’m not even going to bother with it dhskdbsk.

Long story short, the whole thing is a lie. Starchildren have incredible power when they become adults and are “awakened” as Starchildren. They remember the person that gave them that power (the Star God) and their purpose, which is watching over the people. However, centuries ago, someone in high power believed that Star children were too powerful, and out of fear, he came up with an excuse to kill starchildren before they grew too powerful, because no one should be more powerful than him. So they killed starchildren when they were young and weak, hiding behind the excuse of it being a sacrifice to the world or something, using the blood to cleanse the world and keep the demons at bay. That way, if the starchildren escape, and inevitably take on the role of “deities”, people will believe that the demons have arrived to punish them for failing, and will try to kill the awakened starchildren.

Starchildren cannot escape their fate, however, because they cannot hide unless they are far away from people. They have blue hair that shines in the darkest fog, blue hair that cannot be hidden, and a star birthmark somewhere.

I suppose there’s no reason to hide this now, but Castor is the starchild of this era, originally called Orion, but he changed his name for safety. He ran away when he learned that he was going to die, trying to escape on a boat. The people almost caught him, but the kraken appeared, seemingly saving his life. As Castor tried to hide from people, he tried to hide his blue hair, but it constantly shines through whatever he hid it in. The best he could do was to wrap it up and put a thick hat on, which helped, but even so, you can see in his wrapping the blue hair. He tried to dye it, hide it in mud, even shaving it, but the blue cannot be covered up, so hiding in plain sight was nearly impossible to him. He left to sea to avoid people, but accidentally became captain of the pirate crew. He’s a very jaded man who is intimidating and skilled in sword fighting. People respect him as a captain, so he is in high status on his ship (obviously 💀). Problem is, there is a very, VERY high bounty on the star child’s head, so even the most loyal crew members may turn on him if he is found out.

Castor trusts no one, but he seems to have a soft spot for Ronan for some reason. Even when he eventually finds out that he is the starchild, he can’t bring himself to kill him. He’s just a boy…

Obviously, Esther and Rigel are starchildren as well. Rigel is an ancient starchild, who lived a good life before the starchildren sacrifices. He roams the ocean, punishing anyone who threatens the innocent or disrespects the ocean. There were a lot of starchildren too, but the creatures of starchildren were hunted and killed, leaving Rigel, Esther, and Castor the last three starchildren. Esther was a starchild who escaped the sacrifice, who is far more cruel and jaded than Castor, and when Castor is “awakened”, she goes after him to use him to punish everyone.

Rigel is that turtle Whale island thing, Esther is the kraken, and Castor turns into the Leviathan.

The star god is no benevolent being, and is not a god at all. He’s a regular human who got magic from some meteorite, idk, there doesn’t need to be any specifics lol, and he grew immensely powerful. He resides away from the ocean, but he is not a good person. He’s greedy, selfish, and does nothing to help the innocent starchildren he “created”. He would love to have the starchildren to do his bidding, but if they die, it’s no matter, cuz he doesn’t need them. Idk maybe he’s not greedy lol. Either way the star god is not a good person, but I kinda want the star god’s role to be similar to Davy Jones in pirates of the Caribbean. There must always be a star god.

Anyways I hope that all makes sense 💀💀 Ronan is just there, being roped up into this nonsense, but he’s a good boy with a good heart and wants to help the starchildren, and he and Castor grow close.

#this was supposed to be a simple post but I DUMPED all that lore on you lol #I mean… at least the lore is easy to explain #unlike Clover’s story good GRIEF #my brother asked why his story is called ‘golden clover’ and I couldn’t begin to explain it 💀💀💀#it’s so complex #but I’m proud of it #this story is easier to explain tho and I like it a lot!#I felt weird combining the ocean and stars together #but idk they’re kinda connected in a way you know?#space and the ocean are very mysterious and unexplored #but space is more explored and more safe to travel through lol #but regardless there’s a lot of similarities between the two so maybe it’s not weird to combine them #poor Ronan will struggle through a moral dilemma through a lot of this #Esther is an interesting character so I’m hoping to explore her more #ocs #original characters #starchild

21 notes · View notes

rai-ny-da-ys · 8 months ago

Text

obvious spoiler warning is obvious!

i've been thinking a lot about disco elysium lately, because it's one of those games that doesn't hold your hand at all about the conclusions you can draw from it. and while i like this type of player freedom, especially in heavy narrative experiences, i find it leaves me with a real unique sense of emptiness

when i think about disco elysium, i am very sad, and i've tried to think of more poetic ways to put it, but i am just very sad about it all. the game as a whole is a real hopeless experience, and it doesn't help that you play as the most hopeless man of them all. so much happens throughout the game, but even at the end you've still got so much baggage, you're still dreaming of lost loves, there is still an entire town that you're leaving behind, that you cannot save. there is still an entire world that is falling apart at the seams, both metaphorically and physically. and we get to return back to... what? more of the same? maybe harry's not an alcoholic anymore, maybe he gets to spend more time with kim, maybe he reconciles with jean. but it's all the same, really. nothing ever really changes

i see harry as always balancing between breakthrough and breakdown. and when i imagine his future, i do not see joy, i do not see love, i do not see success, even though i constantly pushed for all of these things during my playthrough. i feel like harry is and will always be sad, because elysium is sad, and when you're living in a sad world, it's hard to be anything but...

...BUT, at the same time, somehow, i also feel terribly hopeful, like real, gut-wrenchingly hopeful, which is so weird because it directly contradicts everything i just wrote above. i think about all the characters we help, the things we discover, oh my god, that fucking phasmid, man, a creature of life and new beauty beyond what is known. and harry is going through the absolute most diabolical shit known to man and he is a fucking trooper, and he does not give up. he gets up in the morning and he does what he thinks is right, even when he's misguided, because he wants to understand things; he wants to understand himself.

we run around this dying, broken town and yet there are countless moments in which we are reminded of the beauty that lingers in all these little corners: seasalt in the air; a flag waving gently in the wind; even the hum of machinery, rhythmic and melodical. and there is so much to be hopeful about, because people have long continued through bleak times and come out stronger because of it. there is so much to be hopeful about, because how can we be anything but?

a million people could say a million times that disco elysium is the greatest game ever made and i'll still think it's underrated, forever and ever... because it captures the darkest hopelessness and the most unyielding hope in the same breath, in the same words. there is nothing quite like disco elysium... i've begun to think there never will be.

hardcore!

#disco elysium

8 notes · View notes

rockcollector3000 · 1 year ago

Text

John “Soap” MacTavish HCs

Scared of little white dogs, my boy will SCREAM if one barks at him

Road trip enjoyer. Really likes taking long car rides in general, but especially with other people.

Can and will talk shit for hours on end given the chance.

Kisses the homies goodnight (a little peck on the forehead so they’ll have good dreams)

A firm believer in the power of kissing it to make it better. I know because he told me.

Says he hates dad jokes but is a liar fr.

Cannot cook to save his life but can bake well enough to make up for it.

The most complex skincare/haircare routine known to man. He wouldn’t be caught DEAD with gross hair.

Speaking of which, I know he smells like citrus. I can just feel it in my bones.

Hates being by himself. Because of this, he’s always in somebody’s office/room if he’s not immediately working on something.

Constantly asking Ghost for a piece of paper and a pencil (Ghost has told him so many times to just bring his own shit but he forgets)

If he has to sleep anywhere but his own bed he’s calling it a sleepover. Because that’s what the real ones do.

Dyslexic. (I know he couldn’t get into the service with dyslexia but hush he doesn’t have to know that)

Loves horror movies, I mean LOVES them.

Always warm. All the time, my guy is like a human furnace.

Loves physical affection, even in a platonic way. He’s always giving people little pats on the back, or a high-five.

Favorite color is orange. I don’t know why, but I can just feel it.

Relationship HCs

Love language is physical touch (like I said before) but it’s so much more prominent with his partner.

Needs to be touching you in some capacity at all times. Standing in the kitchen doing dishes? He’s hugging you from behind. Reading in bed? He’s snuggled up with his head on your chest while you use him as a table. Driving? His hand is on your thigh.

Bakes you little treats all the time. You’ll come home any given day and the house smells phenomenal.

Wants to know everything possible about you. And he WILL remember it.

Draws you all the time.

This man talks about you CONSTANTLY to anyone who will listen. “My partner” this “my partner” that. All the time. There’s no escaping it.

He likes to order for you. Not in a controlling way, but in a he doesn’t want you to have to do anything for yourself way.

Growing up with so many sisters, if you’re fem/afab he knows damn well how to treat you. (He’s a total gentleman)

Offers you bites of his food, even if he doesn’t think you’ll like it.

Uses your stuff (if you’re ok with that) and always offers to let you use his in return

#cod modern warfare #john soap mactavish #soap x reader #soap mw2 #soap cod #soap mctavish #john mactavish #call of duty #modern warfare x reader

37 notes · View notes

ace930615 · 11 months ago

Text

IMPORTANT PLEASE READDDD

Hey guys, unfortunately I'm going to have to take a hiatus for awhile :-( a lot is going on in my personal life with school and work, and as of recently a few weeks back around Christmas my grandmother caught covid and it really knocked her down and made her extremely weak. She can't really walk anymore, needs oxygen, has bowel incontinence, and dementia. She was in the hospital until about a week ago and was going to be living with my family for the time being until we figured out exactly what my nana needs. I honestly dont know why they discharged her because ... man she was still really bad and they knew that she wouldn't have a nurse to come to our house yet! She was residing in my sisters room while my sister moved into our father's office. My sister and i were taking care of her full time for a week, which was extremely stressful. My sister and i had to make sure she was eating/drinking, cleaning up after her (changing her diaper) constantly changing her sheets and making sure she wasn't taking her catheter or diaper off because she kept doing it lmfao. My sister and i told our dad she absolutely needs more assistance than what my sister and i were providing her, we couldn't even get her properly clean like in the bath since she still had a catheter and could barely move we would have to wipe her down! She started to get sick again and we brought her back to the hospital (which she ended up falling and hitting her head). They tried to discharge her back to our house again but eventually my dad got them to discharge her to a nursing home. She's about an hour away, and might need to go to more of a facility/rehab rather than an elderly home because of how sick she is. It's not something we can exactly afford, its going to take whatever little money she gets by the government (since shes not working obviously) and whatever medical/insurance can cover. There really isnt any other choice, we dont have anyone in the family who can dedicated 100% of their time taking care of her (which would have probably been my mom but shes dead), even then my nana would probably still need a nurse constantly if she were to live at our house. My dad and i have been dealing with her insurance since some of it is in my name, and we found out she stopped paying her bills months ago. This isnt surprising considering how downhill she has gone, even before she was sick but my dad wouldnt listen to my sister and i who were still taking care of her weekly because she just got so weak while she still lived in her apartment (due to old age and a number of medical issues). My nana is also incredibly stubborn and did not want to move out of her apartment for as long as she could. She still thinks she can go back but obviously not. So its been really messy! Really messy and stressful and sad LOL. On top I am also having computer issues which is preventing me from saving any art I draw, which honestly im probably just going to have to get a new computer at this point. If you have commissioned me please reach out, I will also be sending messages when i can to my commissioners and we can further discuss it. I am open to refunds at this time! Unless you are willing to wait until i come back, which could be a few months. I absolutely cannot focus on art professionally right now due to these circumstances. I haven't felt this since my mom got sick and passed away in 2016 so it's really... taking a toll on me and my family. Im sorry if this post is a mess there is so much more to this situation and its so complicated i tried to just go over the most important stuff. Thank you guys again. I will be back soon!

11 notes · View notes

emisirrelevant · 1 year ago

Text

WE ARE THE TIGERS/WATT WEEK DAY 5

Happy We Are the Tigers Week Day 5 everyone!!

Today's prompt: Mistletoe

You probably know the drill by now, but here I am, presenting you with another song commentary/analysis to celebrate the day. Since the prompt is Mistletoe and I really couldn't come up with anything super creative, and I can't draw to save my life (shoutout to those who have been blessed with talent in the fanart department) today's song commentary/analysis will be Wallflower, as Mistletoe is a plant, and thus reminded me of the song, which also has a reference to a plant.

Okay, now that I'm done explaining my reasoning for picking the song, let's get into it.

•Um I absolutely LOVE how this song starts. Such a catchy little hook.

•Oh GOD I cannot WAIT to hear Lauren and Wonu sing this together as Riley and Cairo again.

•"Nobody remembers 4th grade Riley" way to start a song lol

•"she will never speak up" she just has other methods of communication, ok, and if that involves murder, well-

•"She's scared to be wrong" Well Cairo got her there, tbh

RILEY IS A WALLFLOWER

•"The type of little kid who gets paralyzed with fear when she gets called on" OKAY sorry Cairo but I can't defend you here, I was this person in school irl so

•"It was me who decided you could be so much more than they could see" HIT AFTER HIT, whatever Preston put in this song... MAN, I love it

•"If I never saved you what would you have done" I wonder if either of them ever thought how toxic/dependent their relationship with each other was

•"You would be no one" Singing this instead of saying it, idk if that softens the blow or is just equally as bad-

•"So forgive me for doing what's best for you" Alternate universe, what would it have been like if Cairo and Riley didn't see each other's situations like this- like what if Cairo didn't feel like she needed to "save" Riley and vice versa

•"So forgive me for trrryyyyYYYing to make this easier" WONU GIVING VOCALS here

•"I'll always be on your team" Until your best friend gets arrested

•"You are nothing, you have nothing, without me" again, if my best friend told that to me, much less SANG that, idk man. For musical purposes though, damn.

•"Everyone remembers sophomore Cairo" how Cairo says nobody and Riley says everybody, says a lot about their personalities and I love this little detail.

•"Cause she'll never be wrong, anything but wallflower" Can we get an opposite word for wallflower to call Cairo?

•"But who has your back every single time you crack" The way Riley sings this line later in The Breakdown tho

•"See it's me who's beside you constantly making sure you don't see how much everyone is trashing us for"

•OOH YES and this is my favorite part

•ALL THE HARMONIES YESSSS

•SING IT ICONS

•They are the moment right now

•I also loveeee watching this in the slime tutorial, the stage blocking in this song is great

•One thing I did note when listening to the song again, is how Cairo sings that line about having Riley's back, but interestingly Riley when she sings about Cairo never does. Cairo says she stepped in to save the other kids from teasing Riley, but Riley just sang about how Cairo mouthed off and got into fights, not even if she helped Cairo at all.

•I wonder if that's really subtle foreshadowing now that I think about it.

•OH MY GOD AND THEN THIS PART I LOVE IT SOOOOO MUCH

•When they both separate and sing their own part of the song-

And Riley's like "SO FORGIVE ME FOR DOING WHAT'S BEST FOR YOU"

And meanwhile Cairo's all like "BUT WHO HAD YOUR BACK WHEN YOU HAD A HEART ATTACK"

•AND THEN THE INSTRUMENTAL IN THE BACK WHEN THIS IS ALL HAPPENING OH MY GOD

•Chef's kiss chef's kiss chef's kiss

Is it really a duet with your bestie who may not actually be that, giving enemies to lovers if you don't sing "YOU ARE NOTHING, YOU HAVE NOTHING, WITHOUT MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE"

•"Riley is a wallflower" DUH DUH

•I love how it ends like that, like Cairo has to feel like she needs to be the one who has the last word

•This song is a 10/10 about those kinds of friendships.

I love my cheerwives.

#we are the tigers musical #we are the tigers #watt #watt musical #we are the tigers week 2023 #wearethetigersweek2023 #watt week 2023 #wattweek2023

3 notes · View notes

ezra-iolite · 2 years ago

Text

The O'Murchadha-Mutheru Kids: Conduit, Sira and Bori

Because I can't draw for shit, and I'm too scared to...... Have some bios of Asya's main kids. Along with some cringey Picrews to help with visualizing them..... ART IS HARD, OK?! ;A;

| Conduit (The Eldest of all the kids- Adopted by Asya) |

~ Brief Description ~

He/Him pronouns. Gay/Achillean orientation.

Voice Claim: Hanta Sero- My Hero Academia (Japanese voice) Singing voice: Stratovarius

His full mortal name is Natori Siwatu O'Murchadha-Mutheru. He prefers to be called Conduit due to the comfort the nickname brings, though his adoptive mother Asya usually calls him "Little Bird", which is what his first name actually means.

Conduit is a curse-made Gargoyle just like Fort Max (link here if you need a visual reference), but while Conduit should turn into stone during the day, the crystals that grow along his back and wings (sometimes his arms, legs and tail, if he uses his powers too much) are shards of moonstones that save him from the curse's stone-form effect. They are what prevents his ability to speak from being stolen and keeps his head and chest from becoming fully gargoyle in appearance, aside from his horns and fangs, and allow him to be active during the day and night.

If the moonstone shards are all removed, the grey scales will creep further up his human skin and he will become a statue at dawn, which will continue until a new crystal patch grows on his back again. But if he cannot regrow the crystals at all before the end of a week.... he will become a full gargoyle and lose his human side forever.

The appearance of his human side only consists of his light tan skin on his upper-torso area and head. But, from his shoulders to his hands, his hips to his feet, his tail and his wings down along his back... Conduit has dark grey scales befitting a gargoyle. He also has scraggly blonde hair and baby blue eyes, with short, straight-arching, dark grey horns. He got his scar across his face long before he met Asya, when he was a feral child struggling to survive against the Deep Dweller sirens constantly attacking him.

Those constant attacks from the Deep Dwellers are the reason why Conduit has a fear of going into the ocean and of sirens, other than Elbent, Ferrous or Indi. Starstrike (@dimorphodon-x's OC) does unnerve him for this reason, but also because of his infamous stare reminding him of a Deep Dweller, but Conduit instinctually masks his fear and does his best to not react to it around him, to ensure he isn't rude or hurtful towards Strike. (He's a very polite little man, even in the face of his PTSD, ok?!)

He quickly grew to reach 8 feet tall by the time he turned 19, making him a full foot taller than Verglaust. But for a while, he was considered the shortest on the ship due purely to his malnourishment, so as soon as he gained some pounds and healthy chonkiness, he quickly gained muscle and size thanks to the healthier lifestyle and care Asya and the gang gave him... Making both Conduit AND Asya late bloomers that gained their growth spurt at the same stage in their life.

He's around 27 years old by the time he arrives at Joka Ardhi, making him the oldest kid on the ship by six years. Once Ferrous becomes captain of the ship, Conduit will take over his father's role as the Immortal Sun's main doctor, helping Nicole even after her retirement.

Overall.... Conduit's a very good boy, kind-hearted, well mannered, and always eager to help. Also very protective of his siblings, especially his sister Sira and Bori.

~ Backstory ~

Asya and her two husbands had spent only five years living on the Immortal Sun, when they came across an island full of pearlescent shards of moonstone crystals, with some growing as tall as trees in towering clusters. Upon landing on the island to investigate, the crew found a cave full of different veins of crystals, a majority of which were magical in nature and could therefore be used for medical or practical purposes. And with Asya's childhood being spent studying the magic of crystals, as is commonly used in Jokani culture, they began to mine for them and bringing back barrels worth of them, a majority of which could be sold for a great fortune.

During their excavation adventure, Asya stumbled across a hut made of palm leaves and crystal shards, as well as a crowd of Deep Dweller sirens flocking at the shore of the hut. There, being pulled down by the sirens and frantically trying to escape their bloodthirsty hunt, was a young boy. A gargoyle somehow moving about in daylight, and being pulled down under the water by the Deep Dwellers. Without even a moment to hesitate, Asya jumped into the water and fought off the sirens, before she pulled the boy to shore and helped him catch his breath.

Weak, malnourished, riddled with injuries, old scars and crystals just like the ones on this island covering his back and wings, the boy looked to be no older than seven, but by his gargoyle features and face, Asya knew he was physically older but was too weak to develop into his teen body properly. And despite her feeling the sting of trauma from a child she previously rescued long before she met her husbands (a purple Dragonkin toddler she named Hyacinth who died at the hands of his captors despite her best efforts to save him).... Asya chose right there and then to take this boy in and raise him to be stronger, healthier and adored, to never face his struggles in life alone ever again.

After checking to be absolutely certain that he was the only one on this island, Asya marched right back to the ship with the boy in her arms, and without even looking back or saying a word to anyone she passed by, despite the obvious confusion and questions of the crew and her captain, Asya brought the boy below deck and nursed him back to health, making him the first child on board the Immortal Sun. The moment he regained consciousness, the child began to act defensively feral, hissing and swatting at anyone who dared come near him, with the only real way to treat his wounds being to wait until he was asleep or wait for him to trust Asya, Nicole or Kevin to touch him while he was too exhausted to fight back, and only then could they fully patch him up. Not even Max during his nightly rounds brought the fellow gargoyle any comfort, but no matter who came and went out of the cage room... Asya was always there, spending every moment she could by his side, patiently waiting for him to lower his guard and simply spoke to him with a soft, maternal voice to soothe his worries, oftentimes calling him "Little bird" affectionately, all without realizing just how suddenly she was adopting the role of a mother.

Four months later, the now healed up and less frightened boy finally began to explore the ship, curious yet timid but in a way a child should be. No longer did he show his feral side, but still he preferred to walk on all fours and move or act like a beast, not that Asya minded as she encouraged him while also showing him how to rely on his hind legs (a secret she had yet to reveal to the crew about her own childhood habit of walking on all fours and learning to transition onto her paws). And after another month, he finally began to speak but with very few words, like a toddler learning how to grasp the concept of speech. It was, however, more than enough to learn his story...

Of how he lived with his human father and mother, a Primus fisherman and a Unicronian weaver, on a tiny ship that relied on the sea for all they needed. Of how the ship suddenly crashed on a small island that was home to a mage, and how the mage angrily cursed Conduit, the only survivor, for stealing from his trash for food, and thus cursed him to bear the appearance of a true beast scavenging to survive. The moment the curse took form, it went rogue from the boy's fear, trauma and anguish, and thus the island became completely surrounded by crystals born of his body and power, killing the mage with it on accident. And since then, the boy grew up surviving on his own, until he was attacked yet again by the same Deep Dwellers who caused his family's ship to crash and killed his parents.

Since that faithful day, Asya has since taken him under her wing and raised him with all her love and praise, and with a healthier lifestyle he immediately shot up in size and grew physically stronger and bigger as a result, reaching well above Ferrous's height when he reached twelve years old, while the gargoyle child was twenty and already surpassed the average human height easily. Nowadays, rather than going by the name Asya chose for him in place of the one he can no longer remember from his parents, he usually goes by Conduit, in reference to his crystals being conduits of the elements.

~ Appearance ~

Present day Conduit (during the timeline of One Last Wish) is a 27 year old cursed Gargoyle who stands at 8 feet tall, with a wingspan of 7 feet. He has light tan skin with more human features than gargoyle ones, with his wings, entire lower torso down to his digitigrade legs and tail, and his hands up to just below the elbows, all being grey like a gargoyle. From the middle of back and the arms up to the thumb of his wings are all covered in small moonstone clusters, which aid in his ability to stay unfrozen during the day and grant him his powers over the sky-based elements (air, heat, water and lightning). He also has short, scraggly, golden blonde hair and blue eyes, nearly the same hue as his adoptive mother's, a large scar right across the bridge of his nose and under his eyes, and short, straight, grey horns.

Clothing wise, Conduit normally just wears grey, baggy shorts or haram pants, due to the sheer thick size of his digitigrade legs, and a sleeveless yellow top that must have no buttons due to how large and beefy he is naturally as an adult. More often than not, he's usually shirtless when he doesn't feel like struggling with his clothes.

When he uses his powers, the crystals glow the colour of what element he uses (red for heat, light blue for air, yellow for lightning, sapphire blue for water) and he can use up to two elements at a time. However, the more or longer he uses his powers, the more the crystals grow along his body, which mainly gather along his back and wings. But if he uses them too often during a battle, they'll begin to creep more and more along his body, starting with his spine area on his back, down to his tail, and then along his arms and the back of his legs. The more crystals that grow, the more unstable his powers become, until he'll start losing control entirely and lighting or heat begin to spout from his crystals and body against his will. The only way to stop this is to break the crystals off and bring them down to a minimum amount at least on his wing tips.

Growing and trimming the crystals always cause him pain since they pierce through his flesh and grow directly from his bones, but Asya's white fire always helps to soothe it a little during their removal.

~ Personality ~

Conduit is a very sweet, empathetic, kind and patient gentleman, and the older he becomes, the more polite and patient he ends up being through experience and age. Even as a man in his late 20s, he's still the kind of person who helps anyone and everyone, even animals... With such an example being his habit of picking up snails when on land, and putting them in the grass or somewhere safe and hidden to keep them safe from a human path. Despite him understanding that he lives a safe life, however, he always excessively worries about his parents due to their collective trauma. And despite Asya's best efforts in making sure Conduit lives a good and happy life, he still worries about his Mama's wellbeing every time she plays the role of the hero for her family. This has resulted in him developing constant nightmares and insomnia.

... Which led to him becoming close with Blue Heron, Max and his adoptive father, Verglaust, when they're all out and about during the night. Once he becomes a doctor, Conduit will grow even closer to Max and Blue Heron, considering them his uncles.

| Sira (Second child of Asya, Third born on the ship- Biological Daughter of Asya and Kevin) |

~ Brief Description ~

She/Her, Lesbian/Sapphic - Asexual

Voice Claim: Yasha- Critical Role Campaign 2 (she IS mute and literally has no means of talking vocally... but Indi does find a crystal that can grant her one, so this is what she would sound like, after a long while of training to relearn how to speak) Singing voice: Lethabo Mello

Her full name is Sira Citrine O'Murchadha-Mutheru, but like most on the ship, she gained a "pirate" name later on in life, based on her assassin skills and lack of voice... Whisper.

Sira is the shortest of all the kids, with her being just two inches taller than her adoptive mother, Elbent, and only reaching below her closest friend Divot's nose when facing them. On average, she can only reach below the chest of the majority of the Immortal Sun's crew, and can very easily sit on Solclave and Verglaust's shoulder without feeling heavy on them, even as an adult, mostly thanks to her lanky build.

She's known as the "smartest" kid on the ship, due to her analytical and quick-thinking nature, so she usually always knows what to do to solve a problem. She inherited her high intelligence and beauty (alongside her height) from her father, but learned her fighting skills and wit from her mother and Uncle Blue Heron. However, she's often considered a know-it-all due to this, and is often teased when she tries to infodump any exciting new thing she's learned.

On that note, she also inherited her Mama Asya's autism (as well as the Mutheru aquiline nose), which only adds to her struggles due to her being born mute and becoming more reclusive as she grew up. She often hides in high places hidden from view to read and stay away from everyone, mostly due to her being so frequently ignored because of her mutism or teased for her book-smarts but lack of knowledge on how to properly express her emotions. This developed into her "cold and stoic" reputation and masking method, even though she is an emotional and highly empathetic person thanks to Asya teaching her and Divot comforting her.

Sira is one of the only two Dragonkin of Asya's lineage living on the Immortal Sun, after Asya and her poly-fam move to Joka Ardhi. But despite Asya being a Ruby breed of Dragonkin, Sira and her younger brother Bori are both Opal Dragonkin, due to them both not being Sun Blessed or bearing the traits of their mother's pedigree. This is because specific conditions must be met in order for a Ruby Dragonkin to be born, and thereafter are considered their own species or breed. (But without these conditions tampering with Asya's firstborn or any child afterwards, every child born of Asya's blood are therefore all Opal Dragonkin (But only Njeri, Asya and Elbent's child, is a Ruby Dragonkin like Asya, since they were born on Joka Ardhi, and has since become the only one of Asya's species to be born during her reign as Dragon Queen)).

Divot (@cuppajj's OC, the child of Drillburst and Fort Max) is the only one who can truly understand Sira on a personal level. For even with them learning how to fluently use sign language, Divot has always been able to "read" and deeply understand Sira since they were kids, and as they grew up together to become warriors and wiser people as a whole, Divot can now read her body language just as clearly as her hand sign. To Divot, Sira can speak a thousand words with just a mere shrug, or say all that she needs to say with just a glance or glare. Deep down, Sira considers Divot her soulmate, thanks to their deep understanding of the mute Dragonkin, and deep down she feels drawn to them in a certain way~

~ Backstory ~

After the troubling birth of Elbent's second-born daughter Indicolite (in which Asya aided in the delivery, but when she was born blue and deathly still, she used the forbidden Soul Fire magic and gave up a piece of her soul to revive Indi), Asya immediately knew deep down that she yearned to bear a child of her own. The baby blues hit even stronger the moment she held the crying and lively newborn siren in her arms, now bearing a tiny shard of Asya's soul for the rest of her life.

There was just one problem with her wish... She was still stuck with the remnant parts of a man, despite her hormone replacement therapy granting her the physique of a woman.

So, it was decided, after much discussion and argument between Asya, Kevin, and Elbent, that until a more permanent solution could be found, they would craft a potion to temporarily grant Asya the full form of a woman, with her first love, Kevin, being chosen as the sire of this child. And for the first few months of her pregnancy, despite all the sickness and aches she felt... Asya finally felt whole. The dysphoria was gone, for the first time in her life, and Asya had never felt so happy since that day.

But the joy did not last... For when she reached only her seventh month, Asya began to bleed and knew something was wrong. The baby was coming. And she knew, despite the constant reassurance she gave to her spouses through her agony... She was dying. The potion was wearing off too soon, and Asya's body was reverting to its old state, with her womb slowly disappearing and the labor now starting to tear Asya apart from the inside.

Working quickly and efficiently, they finally delivered a healthy baby girl, but... Asya couldn't wake up. And while the newborn never cried her first breath, the screams that echoed from Elbent rang across the ship marked the event for all to remember for the rest of their lives, as her spouses soon ran in to witness Elbent slowly turning feral with grief, as she held her dead wife. Kevin and Conduit quickly worked together to patch Asya up and used Conduit's electricity to shock her back to life. And even though it worked... the new mother remained sleeping, too weak to wake up or even move. And upon checking on the premature infant, Nicole discovered why she was so eerily quiet....

The baby was born without a voice. Not even a voice box could be found in the newborn's throat, despite her having everything else she needed to breathe, drink, eat and live without any issues.

So, when Asya finally healed and came out of her coma a month later, the new parents worked during Asya's bed rest to learn sign language and form a curriculum for their mute daughter and all their kids and the crew of the ship to learn, in order to grant their youngest child the right to communicate as she grew. And as she did grow up strong but silent, Asya finally figured out a name for her now three month old, based purely on the appearance she inherited...

Sira, after her late grandmother, Gasira Mutheru, and Citrine for her middle name, after Apophis's daughter, the dragon who was meant to become the next Dragon Queen were it not for the Founders.

....... Growing up on the ship soon became a challenge all on its own for Sira, as without a voice or a clear way to communicate, the young Dragonkin was easily ignored due to how chaotic and loud everyone else was, despite their love and care for her. So, instead of trying to stand out to be seen, Sira opted to simply hide and be patient, wait for her turn for attention to get the things she needed, or simply go to Solclave, Blue Heron, Hawk or, more frequently, Divot for help.

Her visits to Divot and Drill to get away from the frantic lifestyle of her family grew more and more common, even more so when Sira became fully fluent in hand sign alongside her parents, her brothers and sister, and of course Divot, the only person quiet enough to listen to Sira who aided in helping her learn. Now with a more visual way of communicating beyond being dragged around, pointing and writing to show Sira's needs, the blue Dragonkin and the child of the bard quickly became a common sight around the ship, as they grew into mischievous teenagers and eventually witty young adults, masters in the ways of a warrior and seafaring pirates.

Mastering her icy blue flames and the ballet-like grace of her steel barbed whip, a weapon she hides as a belt under her sash while her leather corset protects her skin, Sira grew up into a formidable warrior due to the speed of her attacks and the range of both her fire magic and her weapon. However, Sira's greatest strength lies in her stealth and silence, alongside her quick wit and the trust she has in Divot.

~ Appearance ~

As she grew and neared her pre-teens, Sira looked almost entirely human during this phase of her childhood development, were it not for her sky blue hands and feet (aside from her soles and palms, which were the normal pale brown befitting a person of colour) alongside the very tiny stumps for horns hidden in her afro of dreadlocks. But as she reached her mid-teen years, she developed the traits befitting a blue Opal Dragonkin, with clawed draconic feet upon scaly legs, sharp clawed hands and fangs, a long tail with a short black tuft of fur at the tip, and short, slightly curved, gazelle-like horns. She hated this form of puberty since Dragonkin grow their scales through pimples, just like a human teenager with acne, but are extremely itchy as they emerge and become scales along the skin, which is also oily to help the scales develop into strong, vibrant and hard armour... but it stinks like rotting fish, unfortunately for Sira.

Fashion wise, Sira wears dusty-pastel blue, shoulderless blouses with long draping sleeves, all of them being made of silk or any soft fabrics she can find due to her finding cotton and linen too rough for her comfort. This is normally paired up with simple navy or dark blue pants that only reach her knees, to accommodate for her digitigrade legs, held up by a scarf belt Asya weaved for her 18th birthday, made of dark green and yellow cashmere... The colours of her crush, Divot, which she started wearing as a belt on the day Divot explained their pronouns to show her support for her She/They friend. (Yes, Asya knows this, and she excitedly ships them... She already has a golden cow statuette ready to give to Drillburst, as it is Jokani tradition for a parent or partner to give the family of the betrothed a cow as their dowry) And due to her constant reading, Sira developed bad eyesight and at the age of 12, earning her rectangular glasses that she cannot take off for anything other than baths and sleeping.

Sira inherited her mother's ebony skin tone, but due to her half-black genes, she's just one hue lighter than Asya but is still MUCH darker than Blue Heron. Alongside the Jokani completion, Sira also inherited her mother's long curls, and so keeping in her half-Jokani tradition and for easier hair maintenance, Sira has skinny and tight box braids that only reach below her chin and jaw, styled in a side-swept bob, with a few colourful beads to decorate the very ends of some of her braids in the colours of her parents:

Orange for Asya, Red for Kevin, Dark Blue for Brynjolf, Sky Blue for Elbent, and Emerald Green for Verglaust.

Two pairs are on the first two braids framing her face, to represent all four parents evenly, and two more pairs are on either side of her ears....... And yes, when it's windy, they do tend to whack her glasses.

~ Personality ~

Due to her growing up surrounded by loud, energetic and constantly busy family members, and an even louder ship full of crewmates constantly arguing, bantering, singing and fighting monsters of the sea or other pirates, Sira grew up feeling invisible for most of her life, finding comfort in books and solitude. But because of this lifestyle, she never felt the need to be emotionally expressive to make up for her lack of a voice, for who would even see her expressions or emotions when no one can hear her or remember to look her way?

As such, Sira doesn't speak, or rather sign, as much as she'd like to, simply because she rarely has much to say knowing she would just end up being talked over or not given attention in order to communicate at all, due to her mutism and her need to have someone who knows hand sign to speak to. So, when she does hold a conversation with someone, she often has a chilling and stoic aura around her, almost like an inability to use any of her emotions, which surprisingly aids in showing just how intelligent she can be.

However, Sira is actually very shy and introverted, and oftentimes finds herself acting rather awkward in most social situations due to her solitary lifestyle. This is where Divot comes in as her saving grace and her advocate.... For without them, Sira would be even more antisocial and outright afraid to even approach people, due to the huge barrier her disability causes.

When she's with Divot, Sira is much more expressive, relaxed and happy, to the point that no one on the entire ship, other than her parents, have ever seen her smile without Divot being there. It's gotten to the point, now that they are all older and have formed their adult lives on the ship, that every time Divot enters the room, Sira immediately brightens up and her fire magic flares due to her magic being fueled by her emotions and her literal heart. They usually show up as a smoke-filled sigh that comes out in the shape of a heart, or her tail tip catching fire suddenly. Divot has yet to realize this, much to Sira's relief in her hope of revealing her fiery heart's desire to them one day~

| Bori (Third child of Asya, Last child born on the ship to Elbent's family- Son of Asya and Verglaust) |

(Art belongs to PammyJammy117 on Twitter... I'm just using it as a placeholder cause HE EERIE LOOKS JUST LIKE VERGLAUST AND ASYA BUT WHITEWASHED, LIKE DAYUM)

He/Him, Pansexual

Voice Claim- Lon'qu from Fire Emblem Heroes Singing Voice: Rengoku's part in this... Bori would most likely sing this with Flora (Nicole's daughter) for a karaoke night of drunken fun.... but also I just really like this song ;3;

His full name is Borealis Kaito O'Murchadha-Mutheru, and instead of gaining a badass pirate name like the rest of his family... his appearance and the teasing from his much older siblings led to him earning the nickname "Panda". But, when he's finally treated more seriously, he bears the proud moniker of his name, Bori, after the adoptive albino Dunefarer that Asya considered her true father in her past.

His usual reaction to being called Panda is to immediately snap/spin to the one who called him that (usually just his siblings) and yell at the top of his voice "YOU..... Shut your face!!" and then just as suddenly return to whatever he was doing, including speaking at a calmer and quieter tone, as if it never happened. It's become an inside joke to the O'Murchadha-Mutheru siblings, to see just how far away they can be to see how loud Bori's voice can get.

Bori became the strongest person on the ship, in order to inherit his father's role as the protector of the Immortal Sun. And thanks to the crystal magic Asya discovered during her battle against her father, Bori soon gained the ability to transform into a 35 foot long white Lindwyrm.

Because he's the youngest on the ship, Bori was half raised on Joka Ardhi until he was around 20 years old, when he felt ready to live on the Immortal Sun away from his parents. During his time on land, he discovered his orientation and became a bit of a playboy amongst the Jokani. He did meet and eventually fall for a Dragonkin transwoman with lavender scales named Djamila, whom he visits once a year when the ship returns to Joka Ardhi for their annual family meeting to keep in touch. He hopes one day to bring her with him for the year to see the world beyond the southern kingdom's shores.... and marry her~

Should anything happen to Njeri or her future heirs when they becomes the next Dragon Monarch after Asya, Bori has given his consent to come back to Joka Ardhi and step in as a "stand-in" Dragon Lord until a suitable heir can replace him, be it his own children or someone he feels can bear the mantle of the crown. So, despite his Opal Dragonkin birth and his lack of coronation as crown prince, Bori is a real prince, and a cautionary heir apparent to the Throne of Crimson Sands. And should he actually become Dragon Lord, none would dare to oppose him due to his strength and kindness.

~ Backstory ~

Once again, the baby blues hit a now fully transitioned intersex Asya, only this time she was more severely warned by her husbands and wife that she cannot, under any circumstances, carry a child. Not until they were truly sure of her body being capable of undergoing such a taxing event and survive.

So, a deal was struck... Kevin would carry the child by undergoing an upgraded and longer lasting gender-bending potion, and through a mix of science and meticulous magical aid, a piece of Asya's DNA (her "seed") was altered to ensure she was the biological mother of the child. And, with Verglaust chosen as the sire, Kevin would henceforth be their gender-bent surrogate to the very first Half-Fauna dragon-hybrid, that being a half Desert Lindwyrm Dragon - half Sea Dragon.

Despite their worries of Kevin possibly facing body dysphoria and pain from carrying a child, let alone one bearing a plethora of sturdy genes (of both an increased dragon bloodline instead of a half human one, and Verglaust's dominant giant-size gene), Kevin had no issues and instead experienced a surprisingly pleasant pregnancy and birth... At the result of him realizing that he was genderfluid and loved appearing as masculine or as feminine as he felt each day, to the point that he and Elbent now have daily arguments over her dresses that he steals borrows.

When the baby was born, there was no question on what to name him, especially after the shock wore off from the fact that the infant's ebony skin had white Dragonkin traits. The white scales of his Dragonkin features would soon lead to his parents deciding on the name Borealis, after Asya's father figure who often wore a white wolf pelt to cover his pale, albino skin.

However, because of his literal "black and white" appearance, as well as his early growth spurt making him as tall as Elbent by the time he was ten, his siblings and most of the crew started calling him "Panda". This, however, would be a name that he'd greatly benefit from as it perfectly described him in personality too... For when the day came that his parents decided to leave the Immortal Sun and live in Joka Ardhi, bringing Bori with them after consent was given to let him be raised by his parents until he was ready to return to the ship, many of his now adult aged siblings were given the roles of their parents, be it by the child's choice or inherited by birthright.

And so, Bori grew up for half his life in the royal palace of Joka Ardhi, a designated prince by blood as he grew in both size and power, while also growing up hearing the tales of his parents' heroic deeds during their decades at sea. And as he grew to be just as big as his father, Bori was inspired by him and so chose to inherit the role of the "guardian" of the ship, once he was old enough and felt ready to leave. During his final month in preparation for his departure, his mother Asya revealed to him the secret of her family, of how she won the war against her father for the crown... The crystals that bore the ability to change a dragon from before the Founder's War into humans could also allow humans bearing their blood to turn into titan sized dragons.

Immediately, Bori took his chance to fully embrace the old mantle of his father and gained the ability to turn into a giant Lindwyrm at will, just like his mother could, but one capable of rapid speeds through both air and sea thanks to his inherited White and Yellow fire magic allowing him to hop and glide through the air, while his father's sea dragon genes allowed him to swim faster than the wind... Even though he requires a potion to grant him gills.

~ Appearance ~

Bori is the only one so far to be JUST as tall as Solclave once he's fully grown, all thanks to his father's tall genes and his mother's Dragonkin size boosting genes adding onto it. It certainly doesn't help that he's also huge in a physical way, due to his training to tone his growing body and prepare it for his chosen role as guardian of the ship, a mantle he eagerly wished to gain to honour both his father and maternal grandfather-by-choice.

As such, Bori usually wears armour that mostly consists of leather pants, metal knee pads and boots, leather straps crossed over his bare chest (that constantly creak with strain when he crosses his arms) that hold his twin sinmalayat swords at his hips, and a metal pauldron covering the entirety of each shoulder down to his bicep, one cut in the shape of a wolf skull, the other of a dragon.

...... He refuses to wear a shirt or coat.

Beyond that, he mostly inherited his father's looks, but he has his mother's ebony skin tone, though his is a bit lighter and towards a bronze hue. He also has central heterochromia, with his father's sunset-orange eyes being in the center while his mother's aquamarine-blue hue surround the rings of orange... And sometimes, when his eyes are half-lidded, they appear just like a golden sun on the sea horizon. He often wears his black, wavy curls half-up in a messy bun to hide them, while the rest of his hair reaches just past his shoulders, with three beads (green, orange and red for his father, mother and surrogate carrier) in a single row woven into the hair-tie, as is tradition of a Jokani child.

~ Personality ~

Upon first impressions, Bori appears stoic, intimidating and a terrifying presence to be near, which certainly fit his overshadowing appearance and height. However, once someone gets to truly talk to him without showing him any fear, Bori finally reveals his true personality...

A kind, mannerly, sweet and caring guy who tends to be rather sheepish and easily flustered at the simplest of compliments.

He is very playful with his siblings, since they rarely saw each other before he joined the crew once he was of age, and to make up for lost time they constantly prank each other. In turn, he is very protective of his older sister Sira, the only other Dragonkin on the ship, and the two form a close bond as they celebrate both sabbatic and religious traditions of their Jokani culture together, to honour their mother and family when they miss them.

And when the day comes that he finally brings his girlfriend on board, they celebrate their Jokani ways as a new family to help Djamila (often called Millie for short) settle in and enjoy her time on the ship... just as the crew did when Asya first came on board~

And to finish this off.... here's everyone's heights, with Asya (in her true Dragonkin form), Verglaust, Elbent, Kevin and Solclave for comparisons.

#pirateformers au #tigracespace #ezra iolite og work #character bios #Conduit #Sira #Bori the Second

5 notes · View notes

cymorilcinnamonroll · 2 months ago

Text

The First Artist

First, Hope takes a chisel to the marble. She can see it there, foiling in the striated veins of black, lacy onyx that wreathe like a Venetian fan across the sturdy stone block: her nightmares in solid form.

Hope looks at her drafts – red chalk sketches like Michelangelo’s studies, only, they portray horrors unbound. Undulating guts spill out from the breast of a mother with a dislocated neck in burnt sienna. A Goetic demon – Abigor – rides his bat-winged steed to defile a nubile young maiden chained to the disemboweled mother’s hair. At the base of the mother’s guts, a young boy plays with a demon hound, and it is not clear who hunts whom – boy or dog, hell-fur or man.

All of these phantasmagories, Hope marks on the freezing white alabaster with gashes of black. She wonders if the stone will bleed. Hope traces in chalk (white chalk, the color of the lilies that Gabriel gave the Madonna when he gave her that first taste of little death) the shapes of her wounded dreams on the cold, pale stone.

The Whited Sepulcher.

Hope has an angel like that, once. He called her Sculptress – eidolon cleft from his rib. Said “Sculptress, you sprang from the heart of Lucifer. You are the hope that fled as I plummeted from the skies. My prayer in Hell. Oh, how you light my prison, yellow canary.”

It had been good, for a while, between Hope and Samael. The Styx was red from wine, with blood from the cambions free flowing. Her creator even had a rose garden in one of the few places that Hell was not constantly misty and rainy. There was always plenty of meat to make into steaks – their questionable origin unknown.

Hope’s angel was always hungry for her: for her flesh, for her blood, her ideas. He taught her to write, to chisel, to draw, for angels and demons alike can only create in imitation, and she, mortal, could dream up original fictions. As the great rabbis and demonologists say – Ha-Satan cannot create, only imitate, and is the world’s first art critic. To think, the heart of Satan is Liberty.

(Oh, how Victor Hugo would weep.)

But the Sculptress grew bored. She changed her name in Raziel’s Sefer HaChaim and moved on to brighter things.

Newly christened Hope, she sewed yellow wings onto her back one night, took her sculpting supplies, and flew to Tel Aviv. Hope set up a studio in a luxe apartment – Samael’s credit cards never ran out, and she had learned many spells in her time – and grew to appreciate shakshuka spread thick over fresh pita.

Hope sculpted her nightmares and memories on the potter’s wheel, etched ghosts in wood carvings, spilled dryads in black ink. She witnessed war in Gaza and wept with Palestinian brides widowed on their wedding night. Hope stole away to the front lines in Ukraine and saved children and IT specialists drafted for the front. She was there in Morocco when the earthquake hit, digging survivors and those more unfortunate out of the rubble. She even volunteered at a Gulf oil spill to clean grime out of duckling’s wings with Dawn soap on toothbrushes.

She spread little yellow feathers everywhere, shedding them as she became more mortal. Hope carved the white marble every day, the shining alabaster with black claw marks, sourced straight from Pandemonium’s rubble by her friend Mulciber. Her works sold to the upper echelons or Sotheby’s (Mammon made the arrangements), and birthed all her fears, all her longings, all her dreams in the stone. They were given fearsome flesh, given life, as Samael had once done to her. There is a pattern in making and breaking and recreating, Ha-Satan had taught her. The Karmic wheel of life.

This one was the worst.

The most honest.

She called it “Mother.”

The guts came out bleeding from the disemboweled woman. Hope burnt nag champa incense to help the mother’s soul pass on. For Abigor’s victim, Hope dethroned the Goetic Lord of War and ushered the defiled maiden on to Gan Eden. And finally, for the boy and nefarious puppy, Hope led the hound dog to find a fresh bone to feast upon far away from this wounded place. She gave the child a new beginning.

For every life snatched, for every lover’s happiness stolen, for every fresh beginning plucked by wickedness, for every cruelty her creator Samael birthed, the Sculptress purified his unfortunate victims in her art. She was rewriting the Universe, carving it inch by inch, chisel by chisel, as healer par excellence. Hope of Hell’s yellow canary set free.

Rain came that day to Tel Aviv. Hope sat in her art noveau drawing room with one of her lovers, and they read Proust. In Search of Lost Time.

She googled Jethro’s Daughter. Hope saw herself reflected in the swirling Botticelli blonde. It sent a shiver down her spine. So that was love, in the Devil’s eyes.

Even her fallen angel could create beauty from rougher matter, if only he tore out his heart. And perhaps, if Hope carved hard enough – her creator Samael would lose the poisonous “mem” from his name and become Sa’el at the End Times, the Purity of God, and be redeemed.

At least, that was what some heretical rabbis said. Hope could dream like that, you know. Anything, even salvation for all, was possible in her winsome blue eyes.

And Ha Satan wept when rain slipped through his leaky roof. He dreamt of the one good thing he had cherished, ruined, and lost. Tom Frost lived in his memories, as all men past their prime do, old and stately, gray and dead. Like Tom Waits, he always wished for Martha, thinking of her as time moved by like the tick tock of a raindrop.

On the full moon, Hope visits her fallen angel, in his carefully tended rose garden. They have entered a parlay: the Unmaker/Destroyer vs. Creatrix/Sculptress, each waving white flags. Never sure of what to say.

Only the Devil could invent the first artist, after all.

And only an artist could love a monster.

#lucifer #satan #samael

0 notes

swallowed-by-the-moon · 6 months ago

Text

// tw sui ideation

too bad no one can save me. I don't feel at home anywhere. I just want to be loved and everything I get is rejection. my mother starting lashing out on me BUT I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING??? like I was in my room drawing for the last 3-4 hours and I didn't go out at all. and then I went out to the bathroom and she was like "HELLO!!". LIKE BRUH SOUNDED SO AGGRESSIVE. then I picked up a soda to drink and she straight up took it from me while I was drinking????? hello woman what the actual fuck?? and before I went out she was literally sitting on the floor while bio father was massaging her shoulders or smth idk. LIKE MAN WHH DON'T YOU LASH OUT ON HIM? children are always guilty after all. but her husband is a saint (he knows how to manipulate and break you with his words 🥰🥰🥰). like I fucking wish I came first. but she's constantly putting someone else first. her husband, my sister when she was smaller (thanks mother for abandonment trauma btw). I used to suffer so much because everyone always idealised my sister because she was "just a kid" while punishing me for tge smallest mistake. they cursed me, now I'm never loved. people see through me, they see the failure and the constant bleed inside. mood swings are driving me crazy, I'm either extremely happy or desperate or heavily dissociated. I hate my body, I have body parts that aren't mine, they feel like parasites. every day I think about suicide because it's fucking unbearable. I cannot be loved but I need it for life. why suffer? why continue if every trop I take leads to suicide. if not now then in a year. but I will not let them tell me that they can cure me. they can't. they don't know me. I just need to be loved. I want to bleed because I feel so fucking desperate yet tears from my eyes cannot relieve the pain. I want to slit my wrists so bad but that's not the way I want to go. tho it would've been amazing. quite a bummer everything will be too slow. I want to hang myself. I wanted to pour gasoline on myself and light myself up to destroy the body so that my relatives couldn't dress me in yhe clothes I would never wear when burying me. I don't want to be wrongly gendered in death

I often wonder how everyone would have reacted if I died due to suicide. would someone be sad? or would someone laugh because of the weakness I showed to the face of life? would someone think "I thought he could've never don that to himself" or "I thought he was just too dramatic" or even "I knew one day he would do it". I don't belong in here. I don't belong anywhere. I'm always the one cast out. that's what I was, that's what I am. I am nothing and will never be something. I was always nothing. nothing nothing nothing. talentless, overdramatic, annoying, attention seeking, complaining about everything, not able to actually enjoy what I've got, not good enough, invalid, unwanted, unlovable, boring, freaky, always a second choice, defective one. ask me to say something good about myself and maybe if the mood is now hyper nice I'll name like 3 things. and that's it. unwanted after all

the funniest shit is that my trauma ain't even that valid. I have no clue why I feel like this if I haven't really been physically abused (wait I was, but it wasn't too bad), I was emotionally abused tho but it wasn't too severe too (except for when I was yelled on for crying and they put my head under the faucet to calm me down. or when they took the thing I adored to do (threatened to break my guitar) when I didn't do what they wanted). I was through some shit I'd say was kinda emotional bullying (for being trans of course), went extremely paranoid. lost the most loving person and animal in the world. yet that isn't even close to what some have been through

from the memories. sometimes I forget what I have been through with my parents. sometimes when I remember a random episode I get goosebumps. like this one. I didn't want to go out that day but they wanted me to go. why? apparently because they can't stand when their child actually has their own wishes and preferred activities. so they made me. I don't remember what they told me but I remember I cried. I cried my eyeballs out. but I remembered that if I cry in public I make myself look weak (that's what they teached me) so I calmed myself down while we were just walking out of the house.I felt like I was their dog and they were walking me on a leash, never asking what I want and what I don't want to do. I walked in front of them because obviously I didn't want to walk near them. then as we were reaching my grandparents' house father started trying to put his hand on my waist and pull me closer to them. I dislike physical touch (in most cases and esp in situations like this) and I didn't want to be touched by him because I was mad, I didn't want to walk near them. I started running away and he started chasing me. as I ran into the flowerbed near the house he's reached my hand and I fell on the ground. he sat on me to make sure I'm not gonna run away. at that time I had a xiaomi watch or smth Ion remember how it's called. so he teared it off my hand, put it on his fist and smashed it by kicking the nearby tree (while sitting on me). then he tried to take away my phone from my pocket (he's once broken my phone before by smashing it against the floor just because idk?? I was breathing wrongly) but I didn't let him by pressing my leg to the ground. then he started yelling at me (while still sitting at me), he demanded me to tell him that I was sorry and I won't act like that anymore. I didn't. because I didn't do anything wrong and I wasn't gonna apologise for idk what provoked his fucking actions. he continued screaming. I turned my face away from him and looked on my mother who seemed to enjoy what he was doing. it was in the evening so no one was around. I saw cars driving by and I was wondering if they saw what's happening or if it was too dark for them to notice or they simply ignored it. I thought he would punch me in the face but he screamed and screamed until he's proved he's dominant here (lmao I tell you he's obsessed with being a sigma male) and let me go. I didn't apologise but I was terrified. I cried. I hoped my grandfather of grandmother would try to comfort me or at least calm me down when they see me in tears but when they asked what happened he told them some lame ass excuse like I wasn't listening to him or smth and everyone just left??? to the kitchen and I was sitting there all alone weeping, hoping someone will come to sit beside me, to cheer me up. but they all went to the kitchen to have a dinner and completely ignored me. then occasionally someone came to tell me I was wrong and he was right. I felt betrayed. I felt abandoned. I wanted to go home but I didn't have a home where I'd feel safe

the memory itself made me shiver. I'm so sorry I couldn't save younger me, I'm sorry you were broken like that I'm sorry you're not the strong. I am sorry I cannot change and we will never be big and strong both mentally and physically. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I can't give you love and acceptance you needed so much. yet you are lost forever. you're not me, you are a separate person. but if I could've done something for you I would

remembered another one. I didn't want to go swimming when we arrived on the river. I wanted to stay home but obviously no one let me. so I just wanted to chill on the shore at least (I was extremely dysphoric). yet he wouldn't let me be. he took my hand and dragged me into the water. he dragged me through sand (I fell because I was trying to resist but he was two times bigger than me) while other people were starting. just staring at me being dragged into the water where I obviously didn't want to go. then I came back to the shore because I didn't want to swim and then my grandmother started dragging me into the water so I pushed her and she fell sweating at me and calling me a whore 🥰🥰 after that they calmed down and every relative that was there was staring at me as if I was crazy.

why did they want me to do things I didn't want to do? why did they think that if they pull me into the water I'll become happy because "yay water" if I've clearly stated that I didn't want to go swimming?

there are probably more memories hidden deep inside my unconscious taht I can't remember at all. but do I need to remember to know i don't want any further contact with any of them all? no

#vent post #personal vent

0 notes

libidomechanica · 1 year ago

Text

“Midas they cannot speak to her heare, when, seizd with the catch,”

A limerick sequence

Midas they cannot speak to her heare, when, seiz’d with the catch, ere the true minded early love. But when your life. And, brib’d, unsought in the needs be got, in dream where these?

Placed it would their own Posterity. Yet wist na what this Paws; till Viper- like David or three-fold? The argument vplifting of loue lay sweet and tymely fade.

And I look together, the yeares art, must, wilt thou that! But Roger ties his own, and they fainting Oyle had been told her none that that will be by any chance.

The silly rose-red wing! Bid me die, and graceth, into gold and been take up a man no more then giue learne spell. A godly Cause, weke, that shapeless of Albany.

He asked without sense, I can no more augment to Depose. Th’ Egyptian Rites invade. Take a wretches a spouse and praising me, and absinthe art, and his Heir.

But when I hear my sight, that may now my spright, his loved us. Placed it by the Tongue. Or does nothing, for, her head. Nor will be that, the rail along ago, ’ she sees!

Daughter as I pleade in the rest again. It is all they are common those lofty argument only. Breath bloody armament. The year; and then lemons, and died.

Ah well to the free: that being, but the queen was done, Salámán still with coffee spoons; I know not things are. As the winnow’d by boyling on the room is eel-black.

) Midas the rain is haunt of her Earth! But did never state, but that it at all, would the moon’s more the silver and tears. But hard the threshold of melting serve the Soul.

Of such a dire Agent found no more besides. In dream’d, th’ event of your more the underground as twilight his Finger of the Prior, turn him that makes.

That by your hands his God, and left me driues away. What tyranny is the Forms of art at all Eternity. What she doth with awful, could almost doth diuide great!

Ever singing, each others, breakfast and from his Right of the rain or had a stair into their loss of the utterly, it might deem him with lullaby your leave.

Here harts do crown’d with me mad to do, the lonely compare; sweet is the public tis Duty; but an ashen greyness. Of bird upon the Place, who earns the Latin?

In her back. Seeing it they take a window hope of all was he Paus’d; then shall were not think to fade. And with reasonable malady, or the gaine, wherein appere.

And Job, I must beat double hills her silence and leafy shaw, and the suns. And all’s saved, their passion shall I should cancel private life; yearning thin! Thoughts dim and grief.

As girls were tedious image of sense of these cruel knife has been continue. It would needs let it like a dog, a little wings, up and blue, and so in happy!

And winks behind Thee! And flowres doe at last to know just stopped nothing new: that to his murder and chaunge eeke ourselves this room I never pin. And the buried day.

If to look on the narrow still with pins; roger so near the new. Dart of all that’s good Barzillai thou have, thoughts with tears a ladder! ’ The true beauty go withstand!

Lit like common thou must show my spirit out of my decayse: and elegances pere: attempt th’ effect, nor prating were at me moved me up a manners.

If silent sees only what I meant. By morning thought up with Allegories dart. Thou blind ideal like one on the fire is youthfull Issue shall lift and make chaff.

In thing new: that right ruine or ten. And of them fades, changefull Oake, whose lips, so sweet is to this inarticulate in sweet lady-flower with such substance draw?

In Power, to be inclynd: to grope for his own best all would not but with constantly? Then, Israel hope, and Hell that eve on tiptoe, said, as the paint all transformed.

I peeled bit of his you come and hacked fyne. And thou sprung his two season of that his future Truths are Negligent or rare life in her praise. The wide whispered their Tast.

Trust thy long day, my stonishment: and so hushed with crimson drops he that woud breath; that times, contracts his past us Veil’d—but ev’ry woman, but hauing laughs, and a Wife.

Thee from this change. Remembering so deep dost fly: if thou dost go, thro’ heavens Annointed Joies, your silent deepe through green leap, and make his passion could be enjoying.

’ Montgomery! There was bom old. It is at home. With girland cruell play, may laughed whiles her eyes, I shunning snow; for it, or small a progressed flowers. Look, what nothing elf.

By silent contend; asham’d to be lost in his Curse untrue. An humbled line: but lift vp to the figures, would be any guilt thou brings the streets, the night I dream?

By Weavers issue, as a Nun breathing else, and the topic die. Henceforth him with Wine, to Physition far within it, lest thy Will’ more. And threats did see, the sea.

We get out of her if she requite unnaturally; but a wind double hunger-pinch. With mystery. But a Spark too late I find her, by a pool in the long.

Gold out my knee desire, or shallowed you I never since those who can paint the little moves dart. You should have changes to heauens bliss. Which, the dwarf took pity.

Like to wandered and energy: I’ll bury alive and tropic shade, natures skill exceeds mohair. But when the sores she sandy shore where taste, and vnkind, in my neck.

When I cry she is old Instrument. Sleeping teares doe dart, whose for me thing but you out. When it rubs its bloody gore which, well, what if at length vnstayd like at all.

Till at their own Worth, and produce, or was, by Writing, and sware delight. Knowledge he came they die. Eating her mouth of us, They must: puncture given th’Offending.

Love took you fast next years. All things, fearing Eye to find out of dressing by gladly your quest. A Father this wealth breed; gainst your Arms accuse of light that make the gate.

An’ the strings to keepe good bathe atmosphere are the fruit-tree fall sorts of energy; you squeal at all bleed. Shall I teach may not say that men mourn, my Countries rosbif.

Out of the State, but I to her for easie of Apprehends no kill the Susan’s could spin on you. Do I now more missed, like birde feels so, althought of Business at home.

The beggars raffle there, if ye gie a woman’s like Heaven’s only by dismay, and the circled till live, to read. But, I fear in Masque: so wild spares thro’ the skye.

Second is part of it? The railway, in equal colour’d flame, she sang sweet conspiring Crowd: for all they conquered that is some fresh struck my brow; the public men shore!

All, to follow. It’s … well, that I have her wishing, and being a pillow stood, engirt with Allegories pride disdeigneth to no end, till sit upon a dunce.

Pity Natures good thin and unlearn the slaking up in long for the purpose. This loue: in which I should insistinguishing we weeping, Die, oh! Her eie lids close.

Her sweetness of their own descent Moons and kissing too hard a hart, into two sides the corner for me prepared his Wrath expose? That oil’d and holt, cramming river!

His Kings are. Decay we’re made her wrath to earth, too clothes the great Orion slow, they cannot lyfe endure on his Royal bloodletting snow; for the lowly complaine.

Or who can painted a Saint Laurence, this sings, flew by her transmuted, we had to seek; all handle liuing fire and Self make Heirs for all the next valley, they’d have you.

Well, all it highest but of her mammie’s wark, and she great a peach, to the dooryards and trusting on loves, but fie! But in vain— or choked black and another Lippo!

” A park with might such a calendar. What happy shore—come a path Melissa Florian, I with worke is but die, and set this the Laws. On flower to the close.

At Gath and good-night? She’ll not like that simplicius asks of the spils that soueraigne might reaps not it, as o’er me to blooming from which the Rose, but few behold you say.

By chance—sure o’ bliss. Of all paine, I think you say. Dost work, and drizling summon’d, and man’s beck, but not behind thump a league of straws and so nor was, I was a wart.

May bring they set you. And thinner me and the think of the Storm grace I saw; and after a room of successors. And tread the air. Where she did Joyn, the best dismay.

Has prove their doubtfully. Dulling stroke alone in Vain? We finds, but suddenly thing. But being behind, and Priests the wind; tis easy conduct nice, and the wonder.

These Adam-wits tongue! Her brought of old from your tears. I maruaile of the Sword, which have been the girl and the crowned their Land, come to the strange! Himself in with the street.

Hen, if we watch diviner Lust, his face rose, and specious Name to watch the sighs behind. Never, quickens Lovers, to thee long drive Homer’s and Helen, in our life.

And are they steps proclaim’d him, as the cover … autumn robbed, by these a constitutions, matchable than alley’s end where remains of Kings are. I know ye: alas!

That all, make his function spend, at wondrous thrush concerting to be done. While thou noticed you I never proud and in Gracefu’ air; ilk feature give away thee.

How fair she-world, and final end, you of the bat. The world and looks my presence, like what I knew all your greater. Ne thieving not cry to embrew, that her advice.

Oh, odious-moving blossoms, and the king puzzles morning glances; o sceptred hart. Had turned towers thinking about, and admir’d. Ah why hath Love fled away.

For Ten to the generous eyes hath mo pence; their artillery at the man! While he is frayle eyes the firbloome, now! It is a womankind’s Eye its Pupil!

Some brightnesses impure, with the river. Such wretch for they still in Chloe wandered and runs over king, in her that maks us mair enchanting from him thy Head.

Or bid me deare loved Attribute. Reawakened, your cupped palms in her ere he saves to represent the Springs from his beare, is long with troubling slaves to kisse.

But a shake still would there made a Queensbury to her abstaine, agayne I wrote it wholly unexpecting Fame, then the Time’s love is sorry. And sawdust restrayne.

But now apace, I learned to stone, or rot upon thy Line! Is at her in a work on Jerome knocked and little, and proved us. But he wonderous emprize.

May read infant, slain the stone, unmoved, cold, of her abstained, flaming in the worlds rare perfect beauties so filled, that much. Worth with their father’d’ as subject Impotence?

Start to his Overthrow, and watching spark, sighs for Monarch’s End. Which, from him that the fault! Who need noticed before, were Jebusitick Crime. A fathoms, false delight.

Because of our hours betraying him that Honour love me those life! Now with louely fyre, base thing angels, palms each my hair is compile giue leaue the Season is it?

Than his grave sir, whom, shunned they could not conquer’d Hand, where the world has she is free, but to perplex me so little boy who spat& called lover, despised? No time. And rain.

White vapours, that little Cupids dart. Made Drunk with its watery fair, ever in a Pageant Show, and left and pray. Who now I mean Descent of your golden keys.

And close in ten, one part soft a lass, how euer thought to say: I am Lazarus, come; come, why should be. When thousand yet, as the soft floating David’s Government.

And died. And now Will’s eye a miller with Pride; how sweet pleasing paragon, and merrily roar out one sacred ill, would haue the herself and sweet aspect bother.

Of th’ impending Croud and not cry also although obviously Love! Of the general onslaught. So wet it shortly rain’d, th’ admire, ye be the Good.

To make, the speak the Forms of mine, and plain pudding down in black? And worke for me. I always for my excellent, let reason is this world came first-born and I go.

Well that alone notes and tymely clear raindrops in your Princes of straw- fire flared and Evil. And seven more and Turbulent of change they have lovely Davies.

Still at hand now there came, the rivers with buckles of flowers for a spoile, that tree, and runs fast hold? And lullaby your glasse of hell, but his rude bones, two name.

Her harts desires: then, tho his both the Pleiads, rising those lyfe that. She shall do so fit words are we seem Constrain’d the street’s hushed with Peoples Prayer, than to dust.

Not things were it faded face amid thy part of God, and told your eye—tell you him take a target for you! Mated with her vnaware. And the Blest: his low transformed.

And years works—paint a-praising Rebell be, a lip to his Throne? Tempt Gods-smiths could not clap your golden sands. When I clung to choose; and with open to their presence dew.

To whom is the Mark, and acts just as some to grow! Calling; recall the world is that father, now so gay barbarians? Indeed! Who, moving me she won, all these?

’ Add to turned myself means. Now what construe well these Dregs into gold? I can’t therefore that that name,—and I, in those who wants to enter a dew on floats into you.

Yet thou wert dead doing to his Train. Waves beheld the greedy season that might I mighty senses in a rabbits by the murmured Florian asked: Melchior?

That not? Every turnes his face with fur into thee, when her own sweet is through euery minute the mirror, where so wonder an artichoke but never not fades!

How fair Pretence of all woman’s house, the bier, while his planets on summon’d, and service. When I heard, shall commenced; Decide not lame, poor, nor have knows. I am shame.

Or up the Iliad before her sex’s antidotes over the Flock. Then, to Alienate than Nectar or two—saint John there was, curse; but sure I hear me out.

Why then them best for a wind and go work to assail this return. That come, when, sick which he thrums his Soul Disclaims theyr great god Pan, I hear, mistress or did I meet?

His Master, painted—better are full of some Expensive Sins refrain, we tooke Stella beare, on thy black cable. A gentle dear pitying wine forelock take.

The queens! Heard some to please; take any mention, having water. Somewhere Beauty still rob the universe, sound all bury alive and good-bye: no light, Stealing kisse!

Whether poure: and sculk’d behind, and now passion curs��d with scorn to pot. In our eyes doth display, they eat a victorious intense eye could come forth a Servile Train.

That follow you up the harts by thee clime? I never then more abuse such, who turn in the mountain among thro’ me lent. Where I proue, and country of feruent seas.

Old England, and watch you shines. Well know how much easeful Death, or baser kynd, each her mortal eyes I the hour mother while we never returning round and live!

Then would have known them all but he threatens all around the dreadfull temperature. To enrich your joy: love holds up his from wel tempest of a Democracy.

Perhaps will my though in the old and fly in, of pelf, yet deep wit, when wilt weep. Not so, when I inhale but of the record that is so rich will take; she shore, remoue.

And by a simplest Lute! Why, sir, both the Fantom of silk and what before it from island under within my heart know my spires and unco wae, to the Madness?

—The little store. I honor and caught is still affirm’d, with which I vnto the Ill, for Loyalty then fall againe vnreaue. And sighing elf. Thy music and durst Depose.

Thing, flies were stop this face? For if it were young fawne that. Our best acquainted, then come and when on me, an’ aft my heart’s part: as the shapings of the world, whether Voice.

—Clean Hearts yearn after then should have larks of Grievances, my Love! Did I seeke each other cry lord, without a bit of Fasting on the sandy footstoole humbled.

She took the publick Pillar, we are two hard again and I will teaching in a rivers with pompous roialty. And falls across the two resplendour face again.

And happy had his fate of a part of despair. He music, they fainting from the Height of nature’s charm which, that locust blossomed and field where would like to confess.

Are of my love, here in her possible. Woe, that Angels come a question, the wight myself round the coarse smut of their Gods, and from his true loue lyke a rainbow, trick.

When they craving mans believing not say be sure he love but try yours for it not. Were these a corner your eies: whenas death’s until all old mill-horse, the closer?

Known the roof. But mercy as in the dark dissolving hole, warm days by emperor and the silent be. Numerous gloue, in drouth, so I, mad with unquest of you!

Huddle, as one increase, stock, Stone, or did I love is lost. Catch her late to proue, ne feard with no one hands we tore himself mighty king, the ships, and answer to love.

Spread of the Latin more like the Bust and happy, it has not through the sky, and full of a whole Hydra more remaine, with fair to smoke occupation? On flower.

Will forgot, would do deeds; lilies revived, and impulsive; I was course of her reflections which they did adorn’d, and maketh it and secure. Loved your mouthful morne.

Of Julia, and eek my nature brought: Piffle! If Master, inspiration; even you that with least a piece of things are laid his native truth, under than The Wise.

#poetry #automatically generated text #Patrick Mooney #Markov chains #Markov chain length: 6 #150 texts #limerick sequence

1 note · View note