#can't tell if I love or hate this lmao
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some trinket progress
#flowers are so hard to keep up with in this game 😭#my villagers keep telling me roses don't wilt but they're LIARS#if you don't water the flowers at just the right angle they'll wilt 😞 and there's no indication if you watered them properly or not#like in new leaf they would have a shine nope not this game you just have to cross your fingers chjdhchc#also on the emulator for my phone it is SO HARD to move around so i can't stand in the perfect spot as easy#love this game just hate watering the flowers lmao#my post#animal crossing#animal crossing wild world#acww#trinket
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caw 🦅
#neopets#neotag#neoart#eyrie#mutant#vin doods#I can't beat the allegations that i doodle dnd creatures on a daily with this one huh#god i love mutants eyries so much i'm sorry i gavehim more draconic features but uGH;#what great colours lmao#I also gave inverted knees to the hooves cause i aint doing whatever neos doing#can you tell i have a thing for dnd and dragons in general im so sorry JAKLSDF#also in topic i've been so wanting to make a neo player's manual for so stupidly long its insane#might actually do it at one point#i had species and proficiencies and everything at one point i think its all gone lol#also for a fact that i'd be a me-thing for the most part#like i'd be the only one wanting it or playing according to it#my other friends none like neopets so yeah#god do i want to dm a neopian adventure i have tons planned lmao#but oh well#i'm super greatful for all positive commenta ad every like and reblog you guys ave given meeeee#i sound like a broken record but i swear i try to not leave this blog for long but i always read your tags and crack up to them sajhas#i know i've left a couple of you on read that actually wanted to know about my characters BUT IM SO SORRYYYY#my master's taking so long and everytime there's something new and have to rewrite and replan everthing everyday i hate it here#but i will do it#i know i will#both the lore writting and my thesis HASJKHASJS#anyways if you're still reading dont be afraid to shoot up a couple of messages! It might make this blog less dead
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My Thoughts on the Character Writing of Nine Sols
Alright, it's finally time to autistically rant on this account to my heart's content because HOLY FUCK I LOVE NINE SOLS!!! It has such amazing gameplay, and I don't think I could ever forget the Lady Ethereal fight in my life, easily one of my favorite bosses ever (and I love how she's written but that's a rant for another day).
I think my favorite thing about Nine Sols is the fact that it's such a densely packed game where literally everywhere you look you can find some kind of underlying message, even in small areas. And every Sol has its own underlying message and you bet your ass you'll be seeing rants from me on probably every one of them eventually.
For now though I'm sticking with rambling about the general writing of the game because I love it but also hate it sometimes and I love this game so much that I need to rant about how much the parts I despise piss me off. Before I start ranting off though, I should preface with this: if you aren't aware, RedCandleGames is a Taiwanese game company whose previous game, Detention, contained an easter egg which mocked a member of the CCP, I think it is safe to say that Nine Sols can easily be interpreted as a massive hate letter to China wrapped up in a beautifully gruesome story with amazing gameplay.
This isn't something that screamed out to me when I first played, but I had a suspicion something like this might pop up because of the storyline with the humans, they're shown to be livestock to these Solarians with only Lady Ethereal objecting to them being harvested for their brains (and eventually Yi but it was also his idea). They're treated as lesser beings, subhuman if you will, that are feared, hated, and stereotyped, but shown by the game to not warrant any of that treatment and be entirely capable people. Something was going on but I was quite unsure what it was.
It wasn't until the Fengs, who I fought after Ji, that it really set in what a lot of these messages I've been noticing could be about. I am very well viewing all of this through a specific lens and I don't think I'm right about everything but I am certain to say that the Fengs are absolutely a hate letter to Chinese nobility, between the Fengs' lack of care about anything besides profit/entertainment and the fact that Nuwa has clearly endured the horrors of foot binding (mishappen feet + entirely unable to walk) while still being a spoiled brat, not to mention the incest.
Everything after that kind of fell into place, it's not all about Chinese culture and government, but things definitely started falling into place when I started thinking back on everything. It started to make sense why they made Goumang a fascist who quite literally owns slaves before giving her easily the most disturbing fate in the entire game.
I do really love Nine Sols for all these little messages, but I also feel like sometimes they entirely give up on writing a unique character in order to send a message with them. Yanlao, Goumang, Jiequan, Nuwa, and Eigong are all very basic tropes that either lack deeper character, or their deeper character motivations don't seem to line up with their character.
And what do I think these characters all have in common? They're all being used to send a message about culture and/or government. Yanlao's demand for respect and power just because he's old, Goumang's fascist ideologies, Jiequan's dynastic bloodline, Nuwa's wealthy apathy, and Eigong's drive for immortality and tendency to lie or bend the truth. It feels like their characters were made secondary to the message they were attempting to send. I can say this about Yi as well, he's a very typical edgy protagonist trope I see a lot in East Asian media, though his character development is really well written so I can overlook that.
Another thing I've noticed is that the characters I think aren't sending as strong of messages, or at least not messages geared towards criticisms of government and aspects of East Asian culture, seem to be a lot more well written, and a lot of the stuff I've seen in the Nine Sols community confirms that. People tend to love Ji and Lady Ethereal and enjoy Kuafu. Ji and Lady Ethereal are so amazingly written in my opinion, maybe it is just that I relate to them a bit too much, I just feel like their stories are really enjoyable and make you feel something other than "what the fuck just happened." Kuafu I feel is just inoffensively written, he's not super tropey, but he's not amazingly written either, so he's kind of just this inbetween spot that makes him enjoyable.
Also note that I haven't talked about any of the non-sol characters, most of them I have not thought about nearly as hard (except Heng but I will break down and sob if I ever try to talk about her in length lmao) and thus don't feel like I can safely comment on them with the same confidence as I've had for the sols.
I am not saying that RedCandleGames should've forgone writing the messages into their characters that they did write, I just feel like there could be more effort put into the actual characters themselves and going about these messages in different ways to majorly improve the experience of this game, not that it isn't already amazing. Well now that that's out of my system, I'm probably gonna be making more rants about different parts of Nine Sols because I love this game and I also enjoy ranting about the parts I dislike lmao, easily one of my favorite games ever.
#nine sols#nine sols spoilers#If you can't tell I have a love/hate relationship with this game lmao#and I WILL be expressing both
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I was watching let's plays and reaching conclusions
#slay the princess#revolutionary girl utena#rgu#the owl house#toh#currently obsessed with this game#can't verbalise thoughts properly#i forgot how to spell exist#autocorrect saving my life rn#it's midnight and i didn't sleep last night sorry#i saw 'ch III the thorn' and was like lmao like in the owl house and then it really went that way#dunno if i love or hate when i can tell where things are going bc i saw similar shit somewhere else#toh gets officially forgiven for the 'masked man 2.0'#and then i connect the dots that they're in this situation for stabbing each other#like literally#and multidimensionally#doomed by narrative written by a force trying to destroy them and the functionality of the world#there's more and it's deeper i'm too sleep deprived#prise the autocorrect for making me sound coherent#i Hope#mist was here
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nii-san style...
#I GAVE UPPPP I GAVE UP I HATE DRAWING TALES FANART IT HAS TO BE *PERFECT* AND I CANT DO ITTTT 😭😭😭#SORRY LUDGER 😭😔😭 this was gonna be a page of ~3 separate lil drawings (like i did w gaius) but after uhh 40 hours nd mostly just this --#-- i decided yeah. no. i think. i think it's fine to finish this 1 and call it a day.......#i think i just need to go back and do some black/white stuff auauagouuhohgjh#i sat here for the past 2 hours rotating the damn thing and trying to come up with a Not Just One Solid Color bg 😭😭#idk why it ended up so pink but. i think i salvaged it. i actually thought i was gonna cry at some point LMAO#at this point i can't tell if this sucks or if i tried to step out of my comfort zone too much or. bleh#but it's still a cute idea idc..... i just wanted to draw an outfit swap ok. i love outfit swaps....#tales of xillia 2#tales#ludger will kresnik#the void given form#shoutouts to like the 1/3 of this total image that i had to crop out lmaooo#yknow funny thing. idk if it's the hair or what but after i finished the lineart i was like hm. maybe there is some kind of resemblance
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'oh I cannot say horrible things because of the Woke' well boo hoo, I cannot say mean things about bands I dislike because they love my show and will beat me up if I slag them off
#is this autobiographical? Is this about somebody else? You tell me#for starts this is actually true about being on radio. I cannot openly shit on certain bands for things like. Never getting my name right#because they listen to and love my show#but also#this is about Dave Masterman quickly cutting in with 'members of the 1975 listen to this show' when Elis and John were about to spout off#about Matty Healy (and presumably Dave was giving them warning daggers with his eyes)#this is about Coldplay's agent phoning up Noel Fielding to say he's too mean about them#this is about whatever the fuck Simon Amstell was on half the time#this is about all the bands Bob Mortimer hates LMAO#this is about James Acaster having to watch his mouth because he has Too Many thoughts about music and half of said music either#loves him or has been interviewed by him about his book on 2016 music#(this is also about the fact that I think our local superstar producer's daughter's music is way overhyped lol.#I can't say that on air; she's my guest next week! But if you like 70s tinged funky bedroom pop I guess...)#Don't breathe a word. Sshh.#music#comedy#comedians#British comedy#radio#radio hosts#pop stars#Britcom#Noel Fielding#Simon Amstell#Elis James#John Robins#Elis and John#Bob Mortimer#James Acaster#the 1975
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just finished el mundo gira and i thought it was like. comically bad. sorry to any el mundo gira stans, but tomorrow's writeup will have some hater energy.
#sometimes we need to let ourselves be haters. it is a truth rarely acknowledged. but you know it to be true.#just sitting here wondering wtf i watched#their weird fucking heads 😭😭😭#usually when i see a bad episode i try to find an angle to enjoy it from but today we've got nothing#but the sheer absurdity of which was daring bold and camp in concept and a bummer in execution#there are three main kinds of bad txf episode#the first is “oh my god why did no one tell them this was a terribly offensive thing to put on TV” (genderbender or excelsis dei)#or “oh my god this is horrifically out of character” (3 or certain episodes from late s2 where they are always arguing)#and the 3rd kind are the just boring episodes#here we got offensive while trying to deliver some sort of message (i think?) AND boring!#a unique and unprecedented combo!#lmao man. lmfao even#it was just. not good.#usually with the horribly offensive ones i am at least invested in the plot in a sort of “can't look away from a train wreck” sense#but here i was just like. okay. what do you want me to say.#LMAO it was just not very good!! i am a lover enough to hate the things i love sometimes.#it is not my least fave of all time tho... perhaps i shall make a ranking on those. the ones i will never ever watch again.#but i would say it places into my worst 10... maybe? i think so. yeah. at least my worst 15.
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old bollywood is soooo fucking awesome
#i wonder if that's how you become old and hate everything new lol#im so in love with old bollywood it's like become a very important part of my personality#it's just so wild like we were watching aise hi mvs on youtube and dola re dola came on#and my mom and sister were telling me the plot of devdas and im trying to understand all the complicated relationships#and then moms suddenly like fir last mein toh wo pi pi ke mar hi jata hai and i was liek what the fuck lmao?????#i love my mom so much when we hangout with my sister i can't ever talk to her alone but with my sister there it's such a perfect trio
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i love the comments on the latest chapter of the path to paradise where people are like 'akutagawa leave those crabs alone!'
because that's something I do
literally traveling the world's oceans, harassing all of God's crustaceans
for example took a weekend trip with my partner for our 6 year wedding anniversary a few days ago and spent a solid multiple hours searching for and harassing crabs
here is photo evidence of the largest and most in-chargest one I found:
#i love crabs a lot what can i say#you can't tell from the picture but this dude was like baseball-sized#more proof that in a past life i was one of those mentally ill victorian ladies that got sent to the seaside for their 'health'#i love the ocean a lot. i still feel viscerally ill when i think about moving back to my home state#its a beautiful place and there's nothing wrong with it#but i would miss being so close to the water.#(i have to find a real job in like six months or so so we've been talking about where i should apply)#we really want to stay in the city we live in now but there's no jobs (for me)#as is often the issue about highly populated and nice west-coast cities#its oversaturated with people that want to stay#which ends up being an issue because you have no bargaining power and they pay shit (relatively)#also like. say what you will. but i hate weather#if i could live forever in a place that never snows i'd be perfectly happy#our parents also really want us to move back to our home state#we dont plan on having kids but i do feel guilty being far away from them for so long#sorry i'm gonna unleash some 'personal' posts today because i just have to type some stuff out to think it through#i have like 3 followers on here so i'm not too worried lmao
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one of these days i'm going to write up all that i've changed from azzarello's bullshit era and the one (1) piece i've kept from milligan (and also changed) and the only thing currently stopping me is that it is going to be so, so inside-baseball incomprehensible. and i almost never want to go reading/screencapping azzarello and milligan to add references but i Want to add references.
canon is goop, just know that we continue to ride the bus down "hellblazer ended at #250 and looks like swiss cheese before that" street.
#( ooc. ) OUT OF CIGS.#i'm doing page maintenance before i fuck off to work rip it's got me thinking#anyway i think i said WAY back on this blog that a side goal of mine is to make hellblazer lore accessible to non-comic readers where i can#bc it's such a Heavy comic & i love it so much & i always felt Terrible recommending it to people only for them to be disgusted#and like. @ past me that particular goal is NOT as easy as you thought it would be lmao#esp because i have a habit of getting VERY detail-oriented when it comes to talking about hellblazer i think#but by GOD it's still a goal. i can put in some motherfucking references here and there when i talk about The Lore#like. azzarello's writing style never translates well for me in synopsis bc he Loves to put the audience in the outside perspective#where we are bystanders/with the rest of the bystanders to constantine's actions and not to his motivations/inner monologue#and i HATE that. hellblazer has ALWAYS been about what this guy has going on underneath the masked exterior#all the things you can't say out loud when you're queer and working class trying to survive in 70s-80s-90s england#but that you FEEL with your WHOLE fucking chest. how that feeling drives you to enjoy little rebellions wherever you can get them#(also azzarello just fucking Sucks LMAO but i'm talking style rn)#so i end up relying on frusin's art to tell the story a little more bc i think he understands the Theatre of constantine's public persona#and when that theatre is Absent then it's really REALLY noticeable. so frusin keeps me in it most of the time#and if i'm digging into frusin art then i'm Going to want to compare it to older panels bc i like body language consistency#milligan on the other hand has NOTHING to save his sorry ass bc his writing is drop-jaw fucking terrible AND the artist seems to like it#but the loss of john's thumb being tied to his mental health (ignoring the bullshit with shade) has always felt. important to me somehow id#anyway MUCH thinking about my favorite loser on this about-to-be-annoying day shdjksd he has been done so dirty#hellblazer brain go brrrr
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someone should take twitter away from me. all the fanwar stuff and hate because of the hybe thing is getting to me lmao
#maja talks#the skz vs svt fanwar because of that daesang is really annoying me#like i love skz but you can't tell me svt didn't deserve that album daesang#like be so for real#svt is the group hybe bought cause they were feeling threatened lol#hybe hates them#you can't convince me otherwise#besides svt were popular and sold well wayyy before they were bought by hybe#people always seem to forget that and i hate that lol#like to me they're not a hybe group they're simply under hybe now#they were from a small company and fought their way to the top and you can't take that from them#no matter how much you want to#this has been my small rant lmao#i hate fanwars and i really just wish people could praise their own groups without having to put others down#fuck hybe very much#hybe ruins everything and that's a hill i'm willing to die on#also i hate awards as any sane person should but this whole fanwar is just grinding me the wrong way lol
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I know ppl couldn't care less about the humans in the cgi movies but Zoe and Dr. Rubin were both hilarious characters and the more i rewatch the movies the more i think about that.
#we all know Ian was the best human character simply bc David cross was great on it but i think these two are pretty funny!!#the idea of an adult woman hyping the chipmunks is so adorable and a great way to explain why Alvin nevergot expelled lmao#and zoe was simply hilarious! maybe because i find her out-of-reality personality too appealing#it's such a shame the writers of the cgi movies couldn't write Dave better bc while i don't hate him like other ppl#i do think he is one of the least interesting human characters in all the movies#i don't think it's the actor's fault they just didn't know what to do with his character besides being a strict dad for the chipmunks#but funny enough i do think dave from the cgi series is even more boring despite there are episodes focused on him#i love when he is all affectionate with his sons and the chipettes but he is so bland without that and sometimes way too strict#i still can't believe there is an episode focused on the chipmunks getting scared of Dave knowing they spilled milk#it just shows how many times he has get angry for the most simply things#it doesn't help AT ALL that the show has barely likeable human characters i mean i adore miss smith but i do get why ppl don't like her#miss croner is an amazing contrast to miss miller! but i do think they write her way too aggressive at times#officer dangus is the only character besides miss miller that i find decent without giving a 'but' in the middle#the classmates of the chipmunks.... Yeah we don't talk about them#i would like to go further with the humans characters of the 80's show but i still need to watch a LOT of episodes#but i would say that most of the episodic human characters of the 80's have been pretty nice so far#i loved the old lady that got a date with Alvin!! she was way too sweet with him and i love the way alvin learn his lesson at the end#also it has the best dave so far!! he is a lovely dad and he can be funny on his own way. i can tell he is just doing his best ahaha#aatc#alvin and the chipmunks
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Prefacing that I have an extremely complicated relationship with Christianity/God
I had an extremely cathartic moment today in church. Yesterday I had my last day of high school and because of how depressed I was feeling I decided to give it a shot and pray for my friends and classmates and ended up basically yelling at god (mentally, I was surrounded by people who would have figuratively ripped me apart if they heard me) about my girl crush from class and that I don't care what happens I just want him to bless her. That he can send me to hell all he wants for being gay, idgaf anymore, but to at least save her.
Technically he should know already being an omniscient being but formally and unapologetically announcing it: Telling him that I'm sapphic and that I love a girl, almost a challenge, and asking him to give her his blessings. Not us, I don't really want to date her for... Reasons, nor me, since I don't think I'm deserving of it, but her.
The person who has no faith cried out to God in the name of her same gender love.
I may never tell anyone about it, but I have sworn to God my affection for you even in the face of death itself and dammit if that's not love then I don't think I'll ever understand what love is.
May one day challenges such as this be simple truths, not something that feels like a revolution.
#i can't stop thinking about it and if may be extremely self centered but I do see poetry in all of it#surrounded by people who'd hate me announcing my love and affection at someone who could very much make me suffer for all of eternity for it#it's sad and ironic#but it's also beautiful in a way i think#and it's even more ironic since not only i struggle with religion but also with love itself since I'm arospec lmao#queer christian#religion tw#religious trauma#i think i can tag this as that??#queer#sapphic#happy vent#i really hope that one day queer folk can be accepted by the church because probably the only thing keeping me from actually trying to get#closer to god are the anxiety inducing radicalist ideals of my pastor (my family is evangelical) and the fact that I'm a big ass homo#also this is not to brag with or something#I just felt the need to have this out there#to you#my dearest of friends#you may never know and I may never have the courage to tell you#but it was real#even for a little while
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//i respect literally no one on tumblr except my mutuals on this blog specifically i'm so serious
#misc :: ( ooc )#//I LOVE YOU ALL YOU MAKE THIS DASH SO COZY#//I NEVER GET SICK OF HANGING OUT HERE#//you know those people who are like. ''you can't write with my male canons if you don't write with my female ocs''#//never understood them until now. so tempted to do that with this blog LMAO#//sorry you don't follow the south park blog so you get NO onceler and NO arcane!#//whenever i follow someone from all my blogs and they follow back every one but this one it immediately deletes my trust in them#//LIKE I HATE YOU I HAAAAATE YOU#//jk hate is maybe a strong word BUT I REALLY DON'T LIKE YOU A LOT#//i'm having a moment dw abt it#//half tempted to go on another blocking spree on the rest of my blogs DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT#//me @ my mutuals on other blogs: you can come back / get unblocked when you follow craig & tweek like you're supposed to#//jk (mostly) LMAO#//I JUST LOVE THESE LITTLE GUYS SM... ;;#//sometimes i doubt whether or not i'm actually autistic and then somebody refuses to engage with one of my special interests#//and i have such big intense violent emotions about it like okayyyy bitch calm down 😭#//if you ghost me when i bring up my special interest or don't follow my special interest blog#//or tell me to my face (DMs) that you ~don't fuck with it~ then i don't like youuuu!! I DON'T LIKE YOU!!#//which is why everybody on this blog is safe and i am giving you the biggest gesture of affection you are personally comfortable with#//on the scale of respectful fist bump to tongue full in mouth you get to decide 🥰
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.
#no but what is it with people that feel entitled to have you do your job for them for free#like this dude that mind you is not even my friend has called me ten times since yesterday#there was this unknown number texting me on wsp saying hello and then wouldn't stop calling me throughout the day so i just ignored it#and then at night my cousin texted me saying that x person was trying to contact me and said i wouldn't answer#and i was like what do they want#and she was like 'legal advice' LIKE ??????#i'm IN THE PROCESS of becoming a lawyer i'm not even one yet meaning i can't act like one and get paid for it#and sure i do help my friends and family with legal stuff for free bc i love them but like. people who aren't close to me i don't really#have to???#it takes actual time out of my day to help them out#and to have this guy who just called me AGAIN today and now texted me like 20 minutes ago telling me to pick up my phone i mean???????#idk what you need but either be willing to pay me or get an actual lawyer my dude i'm not obliged to do shit for you#i mean if he just texted me it'd be /fine/ ig but it's the fact that he's demanding to talk on the phone with me when i have anxiety and#hate talking on the phone#like just tell me what you want and go. i'll see whether i can help you out or not but just stop spamming meeeeeeee#i'm deleting this later i just needed to let it out JDÑSJDÑS i don't even wanna check my phone anymore lmao
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guhhhh i am struggling so much with ch3
#i'd say i hate it but i also love it like#it's fun to torment conrart while simultaneously letting conrart sit on adalbert's face#and if i keep writing he'll get to like. be a little mean to adalbert lol. in a way that is potentially gonna be ambiguous as to#whether he's just domming without proper negotiation or just being shitty lmao. well we'll see how it ends up coming out#like ch3 and parts of ch4 are the chapters where it gets kinda Unhealthy between them and that's a lot of fun for me#but also it's so humiliating to write LMAO#also agonizing having to like. do exposition. i hate writing exposition#if it were up to me everything would be like. one vivid scene with some dialogue and that would tell you everything. but noooo i had to#go and write a multichap with like. a tiny bit of plot to glue the smut scenes together/give them context#which means i actually need to write that glue#...and i already skipped ahead the other day and wrote the face sitting scene LMAO so i really gotta do the difficult parts now#ofc when i finish ch3 i get to face the void that is ch4...#like i know in summary what happens in ch4 but i don't know the details about the like really vital scene#BUT!!! in ch5 i get to start writing the conzak bits which are possibly my favorite part :) (aside from ch2 which i like a lot)#...i can't believe it takes four fucking chapters just to get connie out of adalbert's house LMAO. im so sorry my boy#you are gonna have some fantastic orgasms and learn some new things about yourself. but at what cost#fic tag
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