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eunandonly · 2 months ago

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breaking news : love in the headlines !

୨୧ ; kim sunoo dating a med student? no way, he doesn’t mix well with you guys! does he even know your name?

pairing! journalismmajor!sunoo x medstudent!reader | wc. 0.9k | warnings: maior fluff, attempted humour, lacking uni knowledge EN-

🖇️ : sunoo version!! he’s such a cutie patootie of course he’s a journalism major ~

i can just imagine sunoo majoring in journalism

like i can picture him interviewing people for the latest newspaper for his university

he's so popular btw

EVERYONE and i mean EVERYONE knows him

he's just so nice to everyone and present in the social dynamics of things you know? - more under cut!!

you could never tbh you can't even answer people's texts

med school is not for the weak

people know sunoo's approaching just from the sound of his ten million keychains on his backpack.

that's how familiar people are with him.

one day you were his new target for his new interview after you won a really impressive award

he was just going through his usual schedule of listening to people's new stories and gossip when someone brought you up

like "oh yeah, that girl named y/n or something won this really cool award for stem, you should definitely interview her!"

let me be honest with you

sunoo had to ask "who's y/n?"

and that's coming from the most popular guy with a social circle larger than the circumference of jupiter

well you’re WAY out of the social orbit with all that work

he did some personal digging and research in hopes to make a little portfolio about you before the interview which proved to be quite difficult

sunoo wants to know why you don't have instagram and why you're not active on snapchat, twitter AND tiktok

in your defence, med school is beating you to pulp

you have the average sleep time of three hours and that’s if the workload is small

you’re basically running on caffeine and that pack of toblerone that doesn’t seem to finish no matter how many bites you have

like it’s not funny anymore

you agree to his request to interview you though even with your busy schedule

free chance to perhaps actually socialise, you can't pass it up yk

sunoo’s actually kind of reluctant about interviewing you

he does NOT mix well with med school kids they’re too serious and studious why did you write studying as your hobby and skill for the stem comp registration

ANYWAYS, this sunoo guy is kinda cute.

you two make plans to meet at the library nearest to campus because you just don't have the energy to go anywhere further after the all nighter you pulled to study

sunoo brings his little microphone and camera and stuff to record the interview

he also brings a really cute digicam decorated with stickers bc sunoo just knows what's up

and of course yall need to take some cute selfies together with the camera even though you two have never talk before bc yolo!

sunoo thinks maybe you’re not so bad afterall

sure you’re burnt out and looking very tired but you’re js fun to talk to

so he asks you some questions regarding the prize you won at some prestigious competition but there’s A LOT of yapping going on.

like A LOT.

it's your first time talking so much with someone you've never talked to before so comfortably

he’s filling you in with some new tea about some of the students in journalism and he just makes it so interesting

it’s almost as if he knows EVERYONE.

well except you. which is a bit sad bc you’ve known about him since the first day

you thought that he was the cutest person ever

tbh you were fawning over him in the hallways and whenever he came into the library whilst you were studying medicine bc he's a cutie patootie

but anyways you tell him about the shit that does down in the science department

he’s hanging onto every word you say and making plans of doing a little article on med bc shit is interestingggg

like wdym the girl's best friend got with her ex boyfriend three days after they broke up UMMM

ok sunoo thought you guys are some different type of species that don’t have time for messy scandals like that

i mean it’s clear YOU don’t have time for messy scandals like that

your attempt at covering up your dark circles failed terrifically and there’s notes written in permanent marker on your arm

bitch why do you have biology diagrams on your skin

sunoo asks if yall can meet again soon and ofc you say yes despite being close to death from school

bc wdym sunoo js asked you to meet up again

THE kim sunoo. wanting to see you again.

little do you know, sunoo also thinks you’re cute ^^ (but he doesn’t appreciate the way you keep using fancy science words)

and you guys meet at a cute cafe near campus to work on assignments together

and sunoo is so helpful

he’s helping you with your essay and you finished it so fast now you have more time to study genetics and do calculus

and you two get cute little pastries and drinks to eat and take a million of pictures

sunoo’s photography skills are no joke btw he knows exactly what angle looks good

ofc he snaps away some pictures and videos of you on his digicam bc you just look so cute in your little dress

oh and you guys just had to take some pics with your sonny angels and smiskis as well which turned out so cute

and you guys walk back to campus after

and sunoo holds your hand (*faints*)

ofc you’re so flustered, and sunoo laughs at your flushed face

“you’re cute when you’re flustered” JDJDKODKSKA

you two are the cutest couple in campus. period.

lots of trips to photo booths, shopping sprees and cute cafe dates THIS IS TOO CUTE I CAN'T

oh yeah, and sunoo has officially appointed himself to keep your fourth cup of coffee away from you to prevent possible mishaps

✉️ : @icyy-hoon

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brokeaesthetic · 29 days ago

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Please yall Please 🙏🏾 retire the freaky fics for a day and put some serious thought towards a mini series. I can't take the freaky onshots anymoreeee Please feed me some real food. I can't take it anymore. Like I love what yall are doing, but when I go for my daily dose of fan fics i want a lil more yk( Not saying people aren't writing sfw and fluff they are, i just see that there's a lot more smut, Not saying I avoid smut or hate it but sometimes I just want more substance, Ive been feeling like fan fiction has been oversaturated with smut the past couple years but didn't want to say anything). I am so thankful for the 2 sevika series I'm reading rn. Forgot the titles, but one is about a zombie apocalypse, and the other is kind of a slow burn, but one of the readers' legs is kind of messed up. " Why don't you write some yourself?" If you scroll down, you'll see. I've said this before, but heres the updated reason.. I write like shit, I would probably drop it after like 3 chapters, and I learned the hard way that I'm more for reader than a writer. I'm sure if I locked in, I could really do something, but I'm in Uni😔 so im locking in on these classes. I'm just begging you all to hear me out real quick

Here are 2 ideas

• Vi isn't just looking for powder after she gets out of prison but reader/oc ( Either they were dating before she got arrested or They had a complicated relationship maybe with feelings they couldn't explain, but they were close, you know something along those lines.) There's so much you can do with that and make it a series and even continue it into the second season. ( The relationship is rocky at first because they're both super traumatized, but they still love each other to a certain extent, so they kinda make it work. Then because they're traumatized. They keep making mistakes, yk the typical stuff keeps working, then not working. But Caitlyn isn't completely discarded, they also have a complicated relationship it doesn't have to be romantic, but it's a little interesting. But reader isn't a big fan of their relationship at all because Caitlyn is an inforcer ( Let's say reader also lost her parents to enforcers.) So she's having a really hard time with Caitlyn and vi's relationship. But it's not giving she's playing both of them, or she's dating both of them. Basically, everything is so complicated. But you can tell the reader and vi are gonna end up together at the end.

• This one kind of takes from the story of my oc x sevika story ( but I don't really give a shit I'm not writing about it anytime soon) Basically before all that bs happened with sevika losing her arm she had a fwb/fling/situationship going on, and it was kind of getting a little serious between them. But all the stress of the enforcers coming down ( We all watched the same show there's no need to explain) While all that is happening, they begin to slowly distance themselves from each other because of stress or whatever but then sevika loses her arm, and reader is all like "omg bae your arm why didn't you let me know, You could have died and I would have never known." And sevika is all like " Why should I have told you? I don't need your pity or anything. I would have let you know if I felt like you needed to know." And reader is all like "wtf is with this attitude, You know, you should have told me. I would have been there for you. What's going on right now?" ( By the way, reader isn't just some push over, she's a little sassy ( I love sassy reader so much) So she usually doesn't let savika talk to her any type of way) the story's basically building up trust with any other exploring a relationship and going through the events of season one together, and maybe even season 2.

That's all the ideas I have for right now.But you can't tell me that wasn't fire. If you thought it was fire and you wanna see what you could do with it, Tag me or talk about it with me, I would love to expand on everything.

Just feed me something other than smut fics(ngl ive been eating them but im just tired of it and want something new💀), and please, if you could be let it be a series IM BEGGING 😔😢😢

Sorry for any grammar mistakes

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thehypnone · 4 months ago

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yapped about different university ghouls dynamics with @skele-bunny and @everybodyshusband. part 1/2, swissalps

university teacher swiss who got through his studies high 90% of the time and then one day got the job and now he's the token cool teacher & quiet but passionate professor mountain that shares an office with swiss (they fuck)

swiss "forgetting" to give mountain hickies below the collar so they end up sooo visible and look very clearly fresh

mountain stumbling out all disheveled out of the office a few minutes late for class and swiss following with the biggest grin. they both go to the other side of the corridor where their students are waiting by the rooms for them—it just so happens that they're next to each other. the students know exactly what went down

or rather who went down

mountain would sooo embarrass himself if they had to host a lecture or a seminar together. he just stutters and gets bashful, while swiss is the kind to throw teases and jokes at him that always makes the class laugh

a student comes to mountain like "sorry i missed last class, i've had to retake a test with professor (whatever swiss' last name would be)" and it's more than enough to get mountain blushing

imagine swiss just interrupting mountain in the middle of class "ah i let mine go half an hour early cause i wanted to see what the second most handsome professor here was up to" and he sits in the back of the room for the remaining half an hour and mountain can not keep a straight face

mountain would come into swiss' classes too, because swiss would invite him for a consultation or some other bullshit excuse. he's smart, tho, and he plans the class so that mountains expertise actually is useful and the students are busy, but swiss will be a tease then; bend himself over a table or something to give mountain flashbacks lmfao

I think they jump around each other like that, fucking occasionally, for a few months. like colleagues with benefits

swiss falls in love first, but mountain falls harder

one day swiss goes out to smoke despite it being horrendously cold outside and mountain sees him from the window of their office. he bites his lip and fights internally with himself so hard but finally decides to suck it up and go outside with two mugs of hot coffee

after that it's swiss’ turn to suck it up and he finally invites mountain for dinner—a proper date, and honestly it just goes down from there

a few months later swiss finds out their students had a bet going on for the longest time hfdgdffd

coffee date while they grade assignments together and mountain can't help but laugh and roll his eyes about how careless swiss is with it all "you really did find your phd in a bag of chips, didn't you?"

"no, actually, I stole a dead guy's identity 'cause I saw there was a hot professor I could share an office with and ended up committing to the act"

"do you even remember what your dissertation is on or were you too high?"

"I definitely know it better than you" but then it turns out mountain actually might be more familiar with it than swiss himself because he totally did study his dissertation just so he could find some common points for an academic conversation (because mountain is not social enough to have a conversation about anything else)

mountain standing up for swiss when some other professors that consider themselves better than everyone talk shit about swiss. something something "he's as competent as all of you and yet, unlike you, is still capable of being a decent human being."

swiss could be a sociolinguist and mountain would be a literature guy 100%

students begging mountain to remind swiss he was supposed to grade something or send some materials cause he forgets. mountain with a clean uni-domain email inbox and swiss with 83475742 unread messages from students and management alike

quickie sex in the car before they go in to teach

#the band ghost #nameless ghouls #hypnone scribbles #swiss ghoul #mountain ghoul #swissalps

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macsimagines · 1 year ago

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Hello again dearest! I hope you’ve been doing well and that life has been treating you kindly ♡

With my second and third Uni midterms looming over me, I would like to request Yan! Izana, Ran, & Shin with a foreign darling~ One who is an international university student in Japan on a student visa

And if it’s not too long, I’d like a follow up of their darling taking them to visit their home country for the holidays since the Yan’s can’t bear to be apart from their darling especially when they would be overseas alone without them ♡♡

I've actually had foreign japanese students at my old school and uni though we weren't' close wish i couldve interacted more and maybe learned something from them hah

TW: YANDERE BEHAVIOR, MINORS DNI, BABY TRAPPING, SCUM BAG BEHAVIOR

Yandere! Izana Kurokawa

He was attracted to you right away, not even romantically or physically, just having been of mixed decent and then seeing someone who might relate to his own experiences interested him.

Became very romantically interested after a few interactions however, you had such a fresh perspective as a foreigner and some of the things he's had to live through seemed to resonate with you.

"Your step-mom was straightup evil. No kid should have to go through that, and I hope your kingdom is as beautiful as you make it out to be."

Hooked for life right away. And also distraught at the thought of you leaving, would constantly try to convince you to get a citizenship and just live here forever with him.

"Why even go back if I'm here?" Is one thousand percent serious, you've become such a huge part of his entire being so it must be the same for you right?

When you convince him to come with you on holiday home to meet your family though, something changes. You don't have to stay in Japan, you just have to stay with him.

As long as you're together than everything will work out. It wasn't like you could so much as leave his place without him being glued to your hip, good luck getting out of the country without him tagging along.

Yandere! Ran Haitani

He is sooo enamored by you. Fetishizing people because of their race is so goddamn gross but the fact that you're foreign definitely is what attracts him to you to begin with.

Ran is so toxic with it to. Calls you exotic like its some kind of compliment, tells you you're accent is soooo cute when you're doing your best to sound natural, makes fun of you for every mispronunciation.

But you don't know anyone in Japan and he's 6'1 so you put up with it. He's just so tall and pretty and he knows all the best spots in roppongi so of course you choose to suck it up.

Afterall, its not like it's forever. He's just your heavy and hot fling that you can go home and brag to your friends about, right? Wrong. He's sprung bitch and you're stuck with him.

"Hey, when are we going to your neck of the woods for this holiday?" "...We?" "Ya, I gotta pack and get my ticket soon, right?"

Hope you're ready to disappoint your folks now that you're bringing home this freak show. Don't forget his dream is to become a foreign celebrity so he wants to experience it all when he visits with you.

"Man, this trip is so much fun. I can't wait for next year."

Yandere!Shinichiro Sano

Worships you. He can't spit game for shit, but thankfully you don't understand him too well to begin with. It's a match made in heaven!

He doesn't make fun of you when you get your words wrong or fumble a sentence, but he does think its so cute. Shinichiro doesn't try to infantilize you but it does come off like that.

God the fact that you want him and you stick with him even though he's such a dork makes him love you so much, he doesn't even think he deserves you.

Hates it when you go home the first time. He can't even talk to you on the phone because of service issues, and trust me this dude was ready to take out loans for collect call just to hear your voice.

Bombards you with all kinds of questions like "Who did you see? Who were you with? Are you going back!?"

So my big headcanon is that he's a baby trapper. So when you talk about going next season he's already trying to figure out how knock you up.

Ends up fucking you with busted condoms (he poked holes) a few weeks before your trip because he needed to give you a VERY good reason to come back.

Just tells you "It's cause I'm going to miss you so much baby, I gotta get as much of you as I can. :)"

You end up surprising him with a ticket for him to come with you. He honestly could cry tears of joy, but he'll save it for when you discover his own little surprise.

#yandere tokyo revengers #yandere izana kurokawa #yandere shinichiro sano #yandere ran haitani

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haveateadude · 8 months ago

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bleak horizons iii.

summary *. ⋆ ⋆·˚ opening up it's not easy, isn't it?

warnings *. ⋆ ⋆·˚ depression, self-harm mention, and disordered eating (not explicitly mentioned but you can clearly see it's there)

author notes *. ⋆ ⋆·˚ helloooo welcome to part 3!!!!!! i think this might be the last part (if u have an idea on how this can continue feel free to tell me. u can send a request or just leave the idea in the comments). also just saying, this stuff is based on MY issues and experiences with mental health, so this might not be truthful to everyone. my insta is @/starsfinder_ if anyone wants to vent or just talk :))

remember you're not alone if you're going through a shitty moment, trust me!! ik everyone says to ask for help, and even if that's soo fucking true i know some people are not listened (even if that's literally a fucking RIGHT). so, as i said, you can dm me <33 take care of yourselves pleaseee. can't stress enough how much i want y'all to know you're not alone. hi. hello. i care!!!!!!!! and i'm here!!!!!! so please listen to me when i say everything's going to be alright :)) i love youuuuuu

also, sorry for any mistakes. i'm sooo tired rn lmao

pt1 — pt2 — pt3

I told you a lie, désolé, mon amour

I'm trying my best, don't know what's in store

The next week, I stepped out of therapy crying. I got into the car, slamming the door.

“Hey,” Ellie says softly, looking at me with her hands resting on the wheel, her gaze full of worry. “You okay?”

“Drive.”

“But—”

“Just drive.”

“Okay.”

Ellie starts driving. I wipe my tears, feeling overwhelmed. My mother had called yesterday and made me feel like shit. I wasn't doing my best at school. Ellie and I hadn't gone out since Christmas. So basically, everything was shit. I've also had urges to relapse, and they're just not going away.

I cry. Ellie drives. This is okay. It's okay. Except that it's not, and I haven't told my therapist anything about myself yet. My mother hasn't spoken to me in weeks, and my father sent a cat video on WhatsApp this morning. And Ellie’s knuckles are turning white from how hard she’s gripping the wheel, which makes my heart ache because I know she cares. It makes me want to tell her everything, but the words are stuck in my throat, and I can't seem to get them out.

We arrive at the apartment a couple of minutes later. Ellie doesn’t immediately open the doors, and I've calmed down enough to answer when she asks, “Baby? Are you feeling okay?”

I nod, looking away. The people that I see walking around look sad.

“I’m fine.”

“It’s okay if you’re not, though,” she says. I stay quiet, doubting it. Ellie nudges me with her elbow, looking for an answer. “Hey.”

“Yeah,” I say. “I know.”

Ellie pats me on the thigh before getting out of the car. I get out, too. I don't bother eating dinner that night; I just go straight to bed and fall asleep.

The next few days felt monotonous. I've fallen back into my sadness, the type that isn't bitter but sweet. It doesn't make me want to relapse. It makes me want to stay in bed more hours than I'd like, takes my appetite away, and leaves me feeling nothing but numbness.

I wake up, go to work, study, attend uni, come home, and sleep. The cycle repeats and repeats, and I'm so, so very tired.

Today, I took the day off. I knew I was too tired to do anything, so I planned to rot in bed. Ellie knocks on the door, but I don't answer. I hear the door creak open and the light from the living room creeping in.

"Hey," Ellie says, her voice coming from behind me. "Mind if I lay next to you?"

"It's fine," I say with a hoarse voice. I feel the bed sink at my side, and then Ellie is behind me, wrapping her arm around my torso and nuzzling her face into my neck, leaving a kiss right there. I feel cozy and comfortable. I don't know if this will last. I hope it does because it's a feeling I've never experienced before—someone comforting me? That has never happened.

"Do you want to talk about what's going on?" she asks. I stay quiet. "I care about you. I'm worried."

I do want to talk about it, but at the same time, I don't.

"I'm fine."

"You always say that… You haven't gotten out of bed since you came from work, and the frozen lasagna you were going to make for yourself last weekend has been in the fridge since then." She stays quiet for a second, her fingertips caressing my arm. "You're not doing fine, baby."

Millions of thoughts go through my head. Thoughts I don't say. I don't want her to leave; I don't want her to see how I feel.

"I'm trying, though." It's easy to say since Ellie isn't looking at my face directly. Tears threaten to spill from my eyes. I blink them away; I blink, blink, and blink again. Fast.

Ellie stays quiet, her breath tickling my neck. She kisses the back of my head again, her hand holding mine. I hold it to my chest. "I know. But you don't have to be alone in this."

That hits me like a truck. I wasn't expecting to be held by her, let alone her saying I don't have to be alone. A tear falls from my eye, landing on the pillow. I sniff, and Ellie holds me tighter, not saying anything. She tucks a strand of hair behind my ear with her free hand and kisses my temple.

"I'm sorry," I say, in a moment of pathetic weakness. She hugs me even closer.

"Hey, no. Don't apologize. C'mon, turn around."

I let go of her hand, turning around. Her left hand cups my face and she kisses my cheek, then my forehead, and then she kisses the tears that fall on my cheeks. When she pulls away, she gives me a small smile, "You're going to be okay."

She doesn't want you. She's your friend; she doesn't want you. She will fall in love with you, not your brain nor your scars, and when she finds out about the way you think, she'll leave.

I wake up on Ellie's chest, it feels good to be comforted, I've found. Her phone is on the nightstand, so I just reach it and look at the time. It's eight o'clock. I've fallen asleep for two hours. I try to make myself more comfortable on her chest, attempting not to wake her, but my movements fail and she stirs.

"Hey," she says, her voice still laced with sleep. "What time is it?"

"It's still night," I say, closing my eyes. "We slept for two hours.'

"Feeling better?" I feel comfortable enough to shake my head. "Do you want to talk about it? I told you, I'm worried. And don't bullshit me with the whole 'I'm fine' shit, yeah?"

I stay quiet as her thumb caresses my back, "Did I tell you why I'm going to therapy?" Ellie shakes her head. "Well—back home I had some… issues. Mental health stuff related. I kept going back to depressive episodes. And one day I just asked for help from my mom, because I—I just couldn't stop self harming."

"Baby," Ellie says, hugging me tighter and kissing the top of my head. "What happened? Did your mother react well?"

"Yeah. Surprisingly. I got help. Got better. Sometimes it comes back, and I still get urges sometimes, but I can control it. It isn't as bad as it was before. But lately, it's just—yeah."

"You don't do that anymore, do you?" She asks, worried.

"No," I shake my head. "Not anymore."

"And what about the urges, do you still get them?" I nod, slowly. Ellie plays with my hair. "And therapy? Is it helping?"

"I haven't told her anything, yet. I—I don't know, I can't talk about it."

"What if I go to the next session? If you're okay with that, of course. If you still don't feel comfortable we can look for another therapist or another way to get you help."

I hide my face in her chest when she says the last word. I don't know why I've been refusing to get help. I don't know why I don't like that word. I sigh as Ellie stops playing with my hair and begins rubbing my back.

"I think—I think I would like it if you go with me."

"Okay. Okay, then. I'll go." The room falls to silence again for a few seconds. I feel ashamed for telling her. "I'm sorry you have to go through this… I wish I could do more."

"You're doing more than enough," I assure her. It's my time to hug her tighter. "You’re the first person I’ve talked to about this."

"Yeah?" She seems surprised. "I'm glad you talked to me. I'm here for you if you need anything—I mean it. You just have to tell me, I will listen… You could've told me sooner."

"I'm sorry."

"Hey, don't apologize. I’m just saying, I'm here for you. I've been there for you, always. And… is there something I can do to help?"

"Just be there," I say. "That's enough."

"Mhm, I'll stay."

I think she wants you, a little voice in my head says. I think she loves you, and I don't think she'll ever leave.

Maybe I'll be okay, after all.

#ellie williams #ellie williams x y/n #ellie x reader #fic #lesbian #the last of us 2 #tlou #fluff #x reader #ellie williams fan fiction #ellie williams x female reader #ellie williams fic #idk what is this #mental health awareness #depression awarness #sh awareness #comfort #emwrites ; ⋆

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ramblingsfromthytruly · 4 months ago

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my academic journey (warning: i ranted) -

so ever since i started school till about the end of 8th grade i was always a 90%+/straight A student. the kind of child my classmates & cousins would be compared too. not trying to glamorize comparison btw, i personally think that's really toxic & pressurizing. so yeah, i was a "good" quiet kid. i listened attentively in class and submitted all my homework on time. the only complain teachers had about me was that i was "too quiet" but that wasn't a real issue. i was just shy but talkative with my few friends yano. i spent the entirety of 7th grade & most of 8th grade in online classes so my habits of studying went to shit. still somehow managed 91% in my 8th grade finals. and then 9th began and it all went downhill. teachers kept saying 'next year is ur board exams, u need to study a lot, etc, etc.' so if u're not from india we basically have these major 'board exams' at the end of 10th & 12th grade. but 10th boards don't really matter all that much, teachers just make a big fuss about it. 12th boards matter, but that's also the time we give college entrance exams and that sorta matters more according to most ppl. n yeah, idk what happened but i got overwhelmed. i could no longer just do well in class and study before exams and get good marks. i felt dumb. my grades didn't see a single improvement. i honestly gave up in the middle of it all and got sick of school. and at one point, it became less burn out & more clinging to the familiarity of not doing anything. i became lazy. and i became a hypocrite. i'd always tell myself, this time i'm gonna study, this time i'm gonna score well. well that 'this time' never came. 10th grade got even worse and i scored 73% in my board exams because i barely studied at all. at the same time, my relationship with my parents has constantly been unraveling. and i saw just how much of their 'pride' was dependent on me being the kid they could show off and smile widely when others replied 'wow she's going places'. my father can't hold a single conversation with me now that doesn't go back to me being a disappointment. and now i'm the kid who has to listen to her parents compare her to others. 'be like her, your friend', they say. halfway though 11th rn and i guess what?? still no fucking improvement. but the thing is i know this is the last straw. i can feel it. i got around 64% in my first tests (pa-1) of 11th. haven't gotten mid term results yet but i'm estimating just above 50%. and the thing is it's not that i can't score well. i know my potential all too well. i know i can score such high marks. but the problem is i don't study. if i just studied a couple hours every day, i can easily manage above 80%. with constant improvement i can manage above 90% again. but i don't. and that's ending right this instant. i'm not gonna turn into an academic weapon overnight or smth ik that. but i'm gonna start slowly but surely working hard. i have big dreams, i know i can achieve them if i just put in the effort. plans have been made, all i need to do is execute them. execute my laziness. i'm gonna get better. i'm gonna prove everyone who thinks i'm never gonna do it wrong, and i'm gonna prove myself right. this comeback will be for me, my inner child. the little kid in me deserves to not wind up a washed-out failure.

academic goals! -

pa-2 - 75-80%

11th finals - 80-85%

12th pa-1 - above 90%

uni - iiser (college for pure science research, bs + ms integrated)

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boowritess · 11 months ago

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rubbish days

141 member of your choice x reader

maybe you're the regular barista, bartender or waitress at the cafe/bar he often frequents. or you're the uni student, worker, or just an average civilian he often crosses because you guys happen to live close or frequent the same grocery store? perhaps are on the same bus or train?

but whoever you are, he sees you often enough that the both of you look at eachother with familarity and offer a small nod or smile. and if by chance circumstances lead you both to be close, maybe you both chat about the weather or how busy the day is.

on this particular day, he is so quick to spot you amongst the crowd or maybe turning the corner in a store- honestly it's embarrassing to him how quick he is to catch you in a crowd. he can't help it, you brighten his day.

but this day, your eyes don't meet his. there's no small nod or small smile. rather your face is blank and something is off. he can see it in your eyes and the way you stare blankly in front of you. there's a dullness to them, a slight sadness.

and before he can stop himself, "weathers shit this morning, eh?" he speaks, in that familar deep tone of his that draws your eyes to finally recognize him. though it seems to take a bit. "just bout saw three people slip on the pavement." when there's a lightness that starts to rise he adds, "though i might've been one of them."

his heart nearly fucking gave way when a smile falls on your face and then you laugh and he swears he died. but when you say nothing more and look away for a brief second.

he nudges you softly, barely a nick against your arm but it's enough for you to look up at him. "you alright, sweetheart?" he asks in a gentle tone. though he feels like he shouldn't of asked- because at the end of the day he is a stranger to you other than a familiar face you see in public. before he can apologize, you let out a deep sigh and shake your head. though you don't say anything else.

"then how about i get you something warm to drink? if you're busy we can stop by the coffee cart. it's a rubbish day and something warm might do ya good, though only if you want to, sweetheart." he speaks to you with a softness, in a way that lets you know that you can simply decline and maintain the status between you.

but then you find yourself nodding, and the walls you have built today are cracking when your shoulders slump. "that would be good. thank you." your words are soft and a little cracked but it makes him smile gently and lead the way to get a hot beverage.

maybe you don't say anything about what you're going through. maybe you simply get to know him.

but maybe you do tell him. tell him the weight that has been on your shoulders. tell him all about the current mental struggle going on in your brain since the day wore on or maybe when you first woke up. maybe you tell him about upcoming anxieties from work or uni. or maybe you just tell him you're tired. or how alone you feel at the moment. or how everything is just going down hill.

you don't know why you tell him but when you look at him - well actually when he looks at you, he has an aura that makes it seem he is willing to go to battle with every single thing you say. so you can't help it. especially when all he does is not look at you like a freak - because maybe that's what you feel like - but he looks at you like he truly understands what you're going through.

so when you're finished. there's a hint of regret at having dumped all this onto him. though it's washed away when he takes your hand in his and he offers a soft smile, "thank you for telling me, sweetheart. you've done something not many can and talked about what's going. that's a sort of strength that not many could do and i'm proud of you for doing so."

then he's giving you his number, "whenever you want. whenever you need. day or night. for a talk or even to go do something. i'm yours."

the implication of his words having an unknown deeper meaning.

maybe from there you both stay and chat a little longer. maybe you have to go or he has to get back to what he was doing.

whatever happens next, all he can do is beam with pride when he see's that spark of life in your eyes return. at how you visibly brightened.

from that day forward. the dynamic between you two changed. from strangers to friends. and with the time that you need, friends to lovers.

a/n: ya'll i tried so hard to make it a you choose thang. but i just needed a comfort fic (cause homie is going through it mentally) and didn't know which 141 to choose lol. anyways i hope ya'll are doing okie mentally, physically and maybe spiritually. don't be afraid to reach out whether to me or someone else. ya'll ain't alone- especially my mentally struggling betches i love u and see u. drink some water xx

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island-in-the-shadows · 11 months ago

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On Felix Catton & Disgust/Desire

I had been waiting for a long while now to write this post. I wanted to do another full re-watch before I got into it because the ideas for this have been sitting in my mind for a long time. This is going to be a long post and, hopefully, not super pretentious. Most of us fans of Saltburn know, to some degree or another, that the core themes of the film revolve around disgust, desire, and obsession. And the biggest entry point to discuss this is the actions of our protagonist, Oliver Quick re the object of his disgust/desire/obsession Felix Catton.

I've written before that I believe that Oliver did know Felix and that Felix was emotionally vulnerable and candid with Oliver. I further stated that we, the audience, are forbidden from knowing the details of this intimacy because Oliver does not want us to truly know Felix. This means that the bits we get of Felix are small and very subtle. It means that we can interpret Felix's core personality, true intent, true desires in a litany of ways. My opinion is, realistically, no more valid than anyone else's. But for today, I wanted to discuss what I view, from the bits that we get, is Felix's relation with the core themes of the film. And, because I saw a truly heinous takes about a different fandom I'm in and I don't want to think about it, my brain said: hey...let's talk about Felix Catton and his disgust and desire.

Pt. 1: "Only rich people can afford to be this filthy."

When Oliver says the above, he and Felix are in Felix's messy and disgusting dorm room at Oxford. When you take a closer look at the room (which I admit was difficult on my first few views because Felix is lit and positioned to take all of your focus), it is a total shit show. There's clothes everywhere, empty containers everywhere, other unidentifiable debris...honestly wouldn't shock me if there was some used condom somewhere. We know from Oliver that, not only does it look like chaos, it smells terrible. However, Felix is unbothered. He is concerned only with the heat which, in this case, is an external force that he cannot control no matter his good looks, his charms, his pedigree, or his money. By what we see, Felix is quite happy and content in the filth. It is only when Oliver points out the filth and points out that Felix won't take care of it, that Felix reacts negatively.

Felix, as we know, is very accustomed to his messes being cleaned up for him. Before we even get to Saltburn it's a safe assumption to make. Prior to college/uni, he would've gone to some posh boarding school or other. I doubt that they were made to clean everything in boarding school (though if any of you know please let me know). We also know that wealthy people tend to have hired staff who clean for them. This is a young man who has never had to clean up his spilled milk and it has never even occurred to him to do it.

However, the important bit to note is not that Felix is messy and that it doesn't occur to him to clean. What's important to note is that the mess simply does not bother him. Just because he is born to extreme wealth and privilege does not mean that he would have to be this way. There's been germaphobe rich people or people who prefer to have a minimalistic space or any number of things. Regardless of wealth, some people are fine with mess and some people require mess to be done away with immediately. Felix is in the former category. He certainly must notice the mess at some point (even if, clearly, he's nosebleed to it) but he is comfortable in his space.

This is also true of his room at Saltburn. We barely see it, I know, but let's take a look at that glossy af pic of it from the Architectural Digest Article...

There is crap EVERYWHERE. The more you look at it the more crap you find. You can't even say that it's perfectly clean either because there's dirty clothes in spots, there's multiple pillows on the ground, there's a random used water glass, there's either toilet paper or paper towels on the night stand, the bed isn't perfectly made, I could go on. Chaos and filth and mess is, technically, Felix's natural habitat. It's the kind of mess that is surrounded by opulence, certainly, but it's still a mess.

Only rich people can afford to be this messy because they can also dictate when and where their staff cleans. Presumably, there are things in Felix's bedroom (perhaps the toilet paper/paper towels which have a...purpose) which he has instructed Duncan to leave alone. Or Elspeth has put terms for how often the maids come in the rooms. It could be framed in a multitude of ways. The point stands that Felix can exist in these chaotic and, even, disgusting spaces because he chooses to be. What his privilege does, then, is afford him absence from judgment.

We see the staff at Saltburn clean up after the party. We see that they quietly replaced a broken mirror before anyone can question the cracks. We never see the staff judge. Do they? Certainly they must, we all have opinions. But do they express their judgement to the masters of the house? No. It's not their place to do so. They are considered staff and therefore their opinions do not come into play for the Cattons nor would they want to hear them. Even Duncan's genuine unease and grief after Felix dies is mostly kept under control. He's not paid to express his emotions or his thoughts, after all.

And why go into all of this? Because Felix is content to live in the mess, to revel in the gross and in some version of the abject. What Felix cannot handle is being confronted with his pleasure. To me, this (along with wanting to separate Oliver from staff when the younger boy starts actively cleaning) is the main reason why he snaps when Oliver points out the disgusting state of the dorm. He does not need or want to know how he fits outside a specific role that he was born to play and, likely, believes he has to play. Even if it didn't occur to him to clean, he could've used his wealth and influence to find someone to clean for him. But he didn't. Because it doesn't bother him. Oliver being bothered and pointing out that Felix is so wealthy that he can live in the filth is what bothers him, instead.

Pt. 2 "Was it? Was it awful?"

I am going to keep this section short, because there have been much better posts about this and I, personally, go back and forth on this all the time. Regardless, Felix having an interest in a made up fantasy of a shitty childhood and what he can, likely, envision as some Dickensian nightmare of a situation falls into his relation to disgust and desire. What Felix knows of true poverty and addiction likely comes from media or exaggerated stories from people who have been in contact with someone who was an addict or something to that extent. His imagination must be running wild with theories. And while I do think that he did have good intentions regarding Oliver when it comes to this, his demeanour also shows an attraction to the grotty aspects of it. Oliver only ever calls him out on this, to a degree, in the maze. Before this, Felix can be interested in what he imagines is the horror of Oliver's childhood but not be caught out as being a tragedy whore or someone with a saviour complex or anything else, because his interest is not being pointed out. Again, he has an interest or desire for mess and chaos as long as it is not pointed out.

Pt. 3 "You're supposed to be here with me."

Let's, briefly, talk about queerness. Let's talk about how Felix has an image to maintain. How he has expectations put upon him. Yes, he has privilege and wealth beyond understanding, but these things often have a tradeoff. Celebrities, for example, have to forfeit a lot of their privacy. Royalty and nobility (regardless of country) often forfeit chunks of their privacy and the possibility of living outside of a script (publicly, at any rate). Felix CANNOT go off script.

He is implied to be the heir to Saltburn and everything that comes with it: money, land, title, expectations. Like in the days of old, it's probably expected of him to produce an heir. It's also expected of him to marry a lady from his class in order to produce said heir. And, back in 2006/7, people were less acceptating of LGBTQ+ people that they are now, and Same-Sex marriage was not a thing in the UK and it wouldn't be for another 7 or so years. So Farleigh, who will inherit nothing and only ever be given scraps, can embrace his queerness; Felix cannot.

Personally, I believe that Felix did have some sort of interest in Oliver. It's not just in the fact that he is possessive of Oliver to the point of disregarding his family. It's in all the Bambi eyed looks that we see Felix give Oliver. You could argue that these are exaggerations from Oliver but then, how do you explain the POV shots we get of Felix looking at Oliver? How they are also romance coded, lustful, pinky and fluffy? There is something there. To what extent there was something is pure conjecture. But, I personally believe that he had some kind of feelings for Oliver but could not express those feelings and, to an extent, found his feelings for Oliver disgusting.

Even if his mother is, in her way, tolerant of queer people, this does not mean that she would be ok with Felix being with a man. I doubt his father, who is in his 60s at the time, would be any happier about it. Again, Felix needs to have an heir and take over Saltburn. So, at most, they would've tolerated that Felix had a "friend" tucked away somewhere that Felix could go to every so often. Queerness is not the desired outcome and so, at some point, Felix would've had to separate any feelings from the matter. And, hypothetically, in boarding school any hand jobs etc. from other boys would be viewed as part of a norm that exists within the realm of "no homo."

So, given he has been emotionally intimate with Oliver and, given that he has felt more for Oliver than he probably thinks he should, he feels disgust as much as he feels desire. He can, and personally I think does, want Oliver, but feels disgusted by his feelings and has a strong desire to keep them channeled in the "appropriate" way. Just the same, he gets jealous and he does not want to share. He cannot abide by Oliver being free to pursue another partner (guarantee he would be equally as incensed if he had found out about Farleigh and it probably would've slightly registered had Oliver actually slept with Indabel). It's specifically a slap in the face that it's Venetia who has done this kind of thing before and who is allowed to be physical with these friends of Felix's with whom Felix does not feel he could or should be physically intimate. Thus, the possession and the jealousy and the spurned wife behaviour of it all.

Pt. 4 "You make my fucking blood run cold."

Bref, I think Felix had good intentions but poor thinking skills when he wanted to take Oliver to his parents' house. Multiple posts have discussed this bit and I do think he wanted to further trauma bond with Oliver the way they further trauma bonded when Oliver's dad "died", afterwards, per the script, they were "closer than ever." And then they had that intimate moment on the bridge and spent some time there completely alone instead of being at a giant party. I think he thought that the experience would bring them closer and that he would be there to, in his way, protect Oliver. And I still think this plays in to all the little ways in which Felix desires disgust and is disgusted by his desires. But he does it anyway.

The betrayal of trust and intimacy that follows has to feel like a bomb has gone off in Felix's mind. But what's worse for him, again this is solely my opinion, is that he still desires Oliver regardless. It might not have fully formed in his head and he then dulled it with drugs and alcohol and with his shoddy attempt at fucking Indabel in the maze, but possibly the inkling of why Oliver lied the way he did had entered his brain. Oliver already tried to explain. Told Felix in the hallway when they got back that he wanted to be Felix's friend. And Felix likely relived his entire relationship with Oliver including what Oliver just told him. And, to me, Felix was not entirely opposed to it. He didn't immediately kick out Oliver or cause too much of a fuss. He wanted space. He wanted to not think about it for a while. But Oliver forced his hand.

Again, here we have a Felix who is disgusted by his desire. A Felix who, deep down, knows that he likes that Oliver lied. That he likes that Oliver desires him so much that he would do anything for him. Likes that, despite NEVER wanting anyone to know the most debauched parts of him, Oliver is close to knowing all of his darkest parts and loving him for them just the same. But a Felix who, nonetheless, does not allow himself to revel in the filth once it's pointed out.

And Oliver points it out. In a big way. "Everyone puts on a show for Felix! [...] doesn't this just prove how much of a good friend I actually am? How well I actually know you!" He does know him. Felix knows this. Felix CANNOT go off script. Felix cannot acknowledge his love for things that are disgusting or less than savoury. So too he cannot allow them or acknowledge them here. And then we have something in the script vs. how Jacob actually looked that's what inspired me to write this overly long post in the first fucking place.

This is not the exact beat. Because this is after Felix says his line about his blood running cold. The vibe is the same, though. Regardless...is THAT the fact of disgust? Because to me, that is not disgust. That is some form of desire that most mortals will never experience. But then...it also IS disgust. Because the two are intertwined for him. Because he desires because of the disgust at the situation and at the lengths of debasement Oliver will go to to please him. He is a boy who loves mess and chaos and who makes his home there. And, to whatever extent, his heart could've made a home in the mess and chaos and filth that Oliver brought to the table. Even if Felix has to be disgusted at his desires and prevent them. Even if Oliver took any option or opportunity away from Felix.

Oliver makes his blood run cold, but Felix never said that was a bad thing. And it isn't. Just as Oliver revels in the filth of bodies and their fluids and the inferred possession that comes with them, so too Felix revels in the filth of places and things he shouldn't want and things he can only truly savour in the shadows where no one points them out.

TL;DR Felix is as much of a freak as Oliver is, though in a different way. He is shown to be comfortable and even like messy and gross things but, he only does so when it's not pointed out. He can be, to a point, physically close and emotionally intimate with Oliver and, even partially overlook a betrayal of this intimacy, but only if it's never pointed out. Only if it doesn't break with the expectations and social script on which he has been raised and to which he has to stick. He serves to demonstrate the relationship with disgust and desire as much as Oliver does, but his relation is more subtle and harder to see. And maybe, just maybe, given time, he would've at least bent the script.

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Super sorry for how long this is, I just needed to get it out! Thanks to @ollieapologist for being my biggest cheerleader about this post. Sorry if this is incoherent!

#saltburn #felix catton #cattonquick #super long post #just my two cents #literally I know this can be interpreted in so many ways but it's been rattling around my brain for a WHILE now #now can we get some uni prof to come grade me? lol. I think I did ok #saltburn meta

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landoom · 1 year ago

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F1 FANFICS REC LIST - Landoscar AU's

(this list doesn't contain Highschool/Uni AU's as there will be another list dedicated to those)

Capturing Your Heart With A Loud Click. (12088 words) by cxrnlia Rating: Mature Summary: Oscar is the guy at the park who takes walks to calm down, Lando is the guy who takes pictures at the park, but can't help but take pictures of Oscar instead.

oOoOoOo

what’s up, danger? (can’t stop me now) (12648 words) by startosphere Rating: General Audiences Summary: “What type of race?” He lets his phone down on his thigh, focusing fully on the conversation and suddenly more interested. “The type that you can’t do, y’know?” George says with a suspicious grin. Lando tilts his head because what in the world are they even talking about? ”We’re talking about street races, Lando,” Charles takes pity on him and starts a little explanation, “There are laws against it so you better shut up about this, I mean it, could get Oscar in real trouble.” Lando can’t help but let out a huff. Perhaps he slept on the couch and this is all some type of strange nightmare, it doesn’t seem right when his brain starts collecting and comprehending what they just told him, for some reason, he can’t believe that. Or, Oscar is a street racing driver, and Lando needs to see before believing.

oOoOoOo

You Bring Me Closer to God (9808 words) by wanderingblindly Rating: Mature Summary:

They’re still close enough to whisper, Lando’s hand holding him in place as he grins wildly. “You like it rough, Osc?”

He doesn’t even care if it’s just a bit, just Lando’s stage persona washing over him like it does all his fans. Looking up at Lando, looking at the lipstick he smeared across his cupid’s bow and chin – it’s like he’s seen god. Felt it on his lips, tasted it on his tongue. Oscar grabs him by the nape of the neck without a second thought, pulling them together just as viciously as the first time.

Or: In which Lando is a very slutty front-man for a small band seeking their big break, Oscar is an enamored bartender, and Jenson's bar brings them together.

oOoOoOo

come feel this magic (i've been feeling since i met you) (10670 words) by lemonadedino Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Summary: Lando is a faerie and doesn't know it Oscar is unequivocally in love with him and figures it out along the way

oOoOoOo

mistletoe wishes (5519 words) by 14CookiesGone Rating: General Audiences Summary: Oscar glances up and he sees the offender. The small sprig of green and white that Lando has been trying to avoid all evening, that they’re now standing directly underneath. They have two options. They can laugh it off and ignore it, despite the fact they’ve been playing at being doting boyfriends all evening. Or - OR Lando asks Oscar to be his fake date to his office Christmas party. It turns out to be a little more than fake.

oOoOoOo

the pacemaker blues (2233 words) by Anonymous Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Summary: Carefully, slowly, Oscar moved to the other end of the couch, trying not to show the tension he felt. “So you got yourself cursed?” Lando yelped and dropped his phone. It laid on the floor, suddenly dead. “Shit.”

oOoOoOo

you wear it well (2080 words) by Anonymous Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Summary: “I need to borrow one of your hoodies,” Lando says, as he makes his way into Oscar’s apartment and flops down on the couch, kicking off his shoes in the process. Oscar squints suspiciously in his direciton. “Why?” Lando sits up so his head pokes over the back of the couch. “Because I need George and Alex to think I have a boyfriend."

oOoOoOo

invocations one fall away from the concrete (10561 words) by debrief Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Summary: “Okay,” Lando says. “What’s your power?” “Telekinesis,” Oscar replies a little too easily, like he’s trying not to make a big deal out of it. In fact, he’s already looking back down at his form. Lando doesn’t miss the way he seems completely stumped by the ‘Birth date’ square though. Telekinetics are far and few between. You’re probably more likely to be struck by lightning twice than to meet a telekinetic. They’re so highly sought after in the hero industry that any telekinetic baby would automatically have a net worth of at least three hundred billion US dollars the second it was born. Moreover Oscar's an Oxy. It’s like, the jackpot of jackpots. This guy’s simply unreal on paper. Lando scrunches up his face, rolls his eyes and says, “alright.” He shrugs. “Nothing to write home about, then.”

oOoOoOo

carried away (22168 words) by venerat Rating: Explicit Summary: "Oscar," Lando said. "Don't hate me, alright, but I've—”

oOoOoOo

only found (6872 words) by debrief Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Summary: “Hey, well. No strings attached, right?” Oscar says, strategically. Lando smiles and says, “hell yeah. And now that that’s established, what’s your stance on aliens? Also, do you still want your cake?” -- cinderella soulmates au where whatever you lose, your soulmate finds. except: oscar has a soulmate and lando is a No-Match, a person who doesn't have a soulmate.

oOoOoOo

soft vanilla foreplay (7035 words) by Anonymous Rating: Mature Summary: “Oh shit, you’re,” Lando gasps, smiles. “You’re a. You’re Robin Hood. You’re a kitty Robin Hood.” Oscar stops grinding. “Can we have this talk tomorrow?” Lando laughs and comes down to place a kiss on Oscar’s lips. “Yeah. Oh yeah. Tomorrow. Tomorrow would be great. I’m sooooo busy right now. Hmm.”

@hc-dutch

(let me know if you want to be tagged in my upcoming reclists!)

#f1 #formula 1 #lando norris #mclaren #f1 rpf #f1 fanfic #oscar piastri #landoscar #f1 rpf fic #formula 1 rpf #formula 1 fanfic #f1 fic rec #fic rec list #rec list #fic rec

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soulwrencher · 1 year ago

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oh god, can you make my heart stop?

pairing: college!au ellie x fem!reader

warnings: alcohol, uh soft ellie? lowkey nsfw, not really proof read sorry

word count: 1,8k

summary: ellie isn't a huge party fan but ever since you failed your only mutual class she hoped to see you again, and she does. or; ellie is lowkey awkward but you make out in the middle of a kitchen during a house party.

another friday night, another four walls you're not familiar with. ever since you failed this one class, you've been escalating a bit and suddenly you find yourself at every house party there is, but this is just temporary, to 'calm down'.

and for once, the music roaring from the speakers is actually good. although, when did it get so full? earlier, you could comfortably navigate your way through the living room all the way to the hallway, but all you see is bodies and red cups at this point.

so, the genius idea that the kitchen must be a little emptier comes to your mind.

you make your way to the kitchen, squeezing yourself through all the sweaty bodies until you can finally make out a room that looks like a kitchen.

relieved, you lean against the kitchen island.

"guys what the fuck, i'm not your barkeeper, i've been making drinks for 15 minutes now," a voice emerges from right behind you, how can someone speak so loudly over the booming speakers? you turn around, and,

oh.

that is ellie williams. the ellie williams you had literature with, which you failed horrendously. but it's too late to turn around now, she recognises you and a smile creeps up on her face.

"oh? i know you! haven't seen you in a while!" she yells, waving with the red cup in her hand. shit shit shit, not only did you fail the class, ellie knows too, and the worst: you will never see her again. you won't lie, yes, maybe you did have a crush on her but please, who didn't? it's not that big of a deal. and she probably knows that too. well, now you do care. what if she knows that you actually have been watching her this whole—

"hey? ignoring me? that's a little harsh," ellie shouts, her eyebrows rising in disappointment. why does she look so good? maybe you've had too much to drink, but you can't help but observe her.

white, unbuttoned shirt, black tank top.

sleeves rolled up, the tattoo on her right forearm on full sight. her hands are so veiny and big, you're relieved that no one can read your mind.

"no, sorry, just bummed about failing class, you know," you chuckle in self pity. damn, this is depressing.

"can't hear you, come here," she yells, her eyes squinting in order to hear you better, interesting. wait, did she just ask you to come closer? no, you can't, you probably smell like alcohol, you're super sweaty and why is the overhead light on? you will look so unflattering and—

ellie's standing right in front of you. now this was unexpected, you want to take a step back, but you're already leaned against the island. dead end, pretty much. you didn't expect her to be the same height as you, which makes you chuckle.

"laughing at me too now, huh?" you can hear her clearly now, all you can focus on is the way her lips move while she speaks.

"sorry, think i had too much, but how is, uh, uni treating you? doing well?" you ask, never have you ever thought so hard about what to ask during small talk. you see ellie's shoulders shaking, she's laughing. what's so funny? you pout, then realise you're standing in front of ellie williams, that probably looked really silly.

"okay, i see. small talk it is then," she chuckles, her head slightly tilted to the right, studying your face.

"what do you mean?" you ask, because quite frankly, what does she mean? small talk then? what kind of answer is that?

"don't mind me, i'm just the barkeeper," ellie says. god, she's awkward.

in your imagination, she was more cocky but now you can't decide if imagination or reality is better.

but what you don't know is, that ellie has been watching you the same way you've been watching her. the first time you entered class, ellie couldn't take her eyes off of you. you were totally her type and to her luck, you decided to sit right in front of her. she couldn't even concentrate, all she did was observe the nape of your neck and your side profile, well to specific your soft, plump lips. it was disheartening to hear that you failed class and that she wouldn't see you again, so unlike her usual self, ellie decided to go to a house party and forget about you. but here you are and you look way too good for her not to try and shoot her shot.

"can i make you a drink?" she asks, but all you see are her veiny hands.

"i thought you hated playing barkeeper?" you shoot back, is ellie flirting with you? you're confused, however you're liking where this is going.

"for a pretty woman like you, i don't mind," ellie chuckles while her hand briefly brushes against yours. you raise your eyebrow in suspicion, but ellie shakes her head, she'd never put something disgusting in your drink, not yet. ellie makes her way back to her friends, earning dirty looks from them.

"you suck, i'm losing millions of bets because of you," one of them says, but ellie returns only a smile. she finds some vodka and ginger beer, but moscow mule sucks without lime juice. you watch her open the cabinets, looking for something, her arms reaching for the top. they are really toned, you never noticed before. finally, she stops and you watch her hold something round and green in her hands. she cuts it in half, a lime you assume, you have perfect view on whatever she's doing. inappropriate isn't enough to describe what you're thinking and feeling while watching ellie squeeze the juice out of the lime, her fingers entangled in hot mess.

your whole body follows her as she comes back to you, your chest facing her again. ellie holds the cup up to her face, with her index finger on the rim of the cup.

"i spilled some lime juice right here," she taps her finger against the cup while she grins in anticipation. you cross your arms, tilt your head and raise your eyebrow in confusion.

"well, both of my hands are full—" she places her right hand on your left arm, her thumb stroking you gently.

"and you could help me out," ellie continues, her eyes fixated on your lips. suddenly, everything starts to spin around you, you feel the bass through your whole body, you see ellie's chest move up and down, her breath slowing down, slow and steady. anything you do now is a consequence of you drinking too much, you tell yourself. your right hand reaches out for her sleeve, you pull yourself closer to the raised cup, there where ellie's sticky finger rests. she looks you up and down and her gaze is so intense, you can feel your lower body throbbing. realising that makes you blush, you want to look away but you suddenly feel one of ellie's big, rough hand run your body down, leaving goosebumps everywhere. not once did she look away, her eyes still fixated on you, watching your every move. her hand stops right above your hip, pulling you closer. you look back up, move your head closer to the cup that hides ellie's neck, until you're lips are close enough to touch her fingers.

"return the favor?" ellie whispers, her grip tightening around your hips. you gently press your lips against her finger and use a little bit of your tongue, making sure it's completely clean, of course.

"tastes good, lime juice," you chuckle while you lick the lime juice mixed with saliva on your lips. watching you lick her fingers, then your own lips, ellie can't hold back anymore. she wants to know what it feels like to be kissing you, what you taste like. holding you close to her isn't enough anymore, her thoughts run wild. what does your skin feel like? how many clothes does she need to take off to get on your skin? you observe her put the cup on the counter and feel her hand leave your body as she runs it through her hair. you're surprised that you're disappointed that her hand isn't on you anymore, but before that disappointment could settle in, you feel both of them on your waist, pulling you closer than ever.

"if it's good, mind letting me have a taste?" you're even more astonished to see ellie's face turn a bright shade of red, you expected her to be a natural flirt, but she is much cuter this way. with your arms around her neck and hers around your waist, you could swear that heaven must feel just like this very moment. you nod and can't believe she waited for you to give consent, god, she is just adorable. her hands move up to your neck, cupping your face gently, the last thing you see is her smiling before you get a taste of her wet lips. ever since ellie saw you she couldn't stop fantasising about kissing you, she'd wanted your lips on hers for months and she makes sure you feel it.

your heart skips a beat or two, breath shortening, your hands suddenly in her hair. god this is messy. all you can feel is her body grinding up against yours as the bass roars from the speakers and pounds right through you. she slips her tongue in while you breathe in her intoxicating scent. burying your fingers in her hair isn't enough, you need more, and all of a sudden, ellie pushes her pelvis against yours, you inhale sharply. your lips were separated only for a few moments before she pulls you close again, devouring you. never has anyone kissed you as hungry and sloppy as she did and you felt so incredibly weak. and ellie realises that it's too late to stop, she doesn't want to, she wants her hands all over you, she wants you all to herself. She tugs your bottom lip in between hers and grins.

pounding bass, pounding heart, pounding pulse. her lips trail down to your neck, she breathes hot air on you. you roll your eyes back, biting down all sorts of noises you'd love to make at the touch of her lips. rough hands, she gently holds you by your hair and pulls your head to the side. chest to chest, you feel each other's palpitating heart while the throbbing in between your legs has made itself apparent. ellie glances down, there where you need her the most and she chuckles. You shoot her a glare; apologetic eyes return as an answer.

"you wanna take this like, somewhere else?" ellie whispers, her wet lips brushing against your ear. god, she's such a tease. you nod and she plants one more kiss on your lips, takes your hand and leads you through the crowded rooms, dancing bodies brushing against yours, but none of them feel like ellie's. her touch has left you lingering for more and ellie can't wait much longer to have her hands on you again.

a/n: wrote this omw to uni bc there's this one class that has mandatory attendance and i missed twice already,,, third time's not a charm. also this is inspired by 'bellakeo' peso pluma.

#ellie #ellie williams #ellie tlou #ellie the last of us #the last of us 2 #lesbian #ellie x reader #ellie x fem!reader #ellie college!au #college!au #tlou #tlou2 #one shot #ellie one shot #writing #ellie fanfic #ellie fluff

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