#can't promise I won't delete this one later

[puppyspiss]

I wish love like you hear about in songs exsisted.

[pfhwrittes]

child free!reader thoughts that have been bubbling away in the brain soup document below the cut.

kyle garrick x gn!reader but with appearances from john price, john mactavish, simon riley and the beloathed brandon (who i've shamelessly stolen from @dragonnarrative-writes)

tags/warnings: pregnancy mention right at the end of the fic (not the reader character), fluff, vague allusions to eating at restaurants (non descriptive).

(banner by @/cafekitsune)

child free!reader who has "child free, that means i don't want kids - not even yours!" as the first line on their dating profile.

child free!reader who goes on a date with john price. he's charming, polite and funny. john tells you early doors that he misread your profile but he didn't want to be rude and cancel the date on short notice so he hopes you don't mind sharing a meal with him. you don't mind as he's good company and takes care of the bill like a gentleman and apologises for wasting your time. you part ways amicably and both wish each other well with the dating scene.

child free!reader whose next date is with john mactavish. he says he doesn't mind if you call him johnny. he's good company and makes you laugh so hard that other people in the restaurant look over at your table. you're having a great time but he brings up his flatmate simon an awful lot. you end up gently suggesting that maybe johnny would prefer to take simon out for dinner instead. johnny gapes at you like a fish for a minute before realising, that yeah, he really would. you exchange numbers at the end of the date and ask him to keep you in the loop with how things go with the mysterious simon.

child free!reader who goes on a date with brandon. it's a crap date. he's late, doesn't apologise, presumes you want to head back to his place and gets annoyed when you pull the brakes on the whole thing. brandon then tells you that he doesn't care any way as he has to pick up his kid from their mum's house in the morning. you leave him to foot the bill and call johnny on your way home to complain about how crap the date was and how you should never have agreed to go on a date that your friend vouched for.

child free!reader who goes out to brunch with johnny and simon the following weekend. you spend a good portion of the brunch watching johnny lean up against simon with a little smile on your face and waggle your eyebrows knowingly when simon steps outside to smoke a cigarette. when simon rejoins you both, you tell them how you're considering deleting your dating profile and embracing singledom forever. simon makes you promise to keep your profile for at least another three days which is weirdly specific but you agree.

child free!reader who gets a message on the dating profile from kyle garrick two days later. you're pretty blunt about not wanting kids and how you won't change your mind and neither are you looking for some short term fling. despite that, kyle is friendly, funny and a little bit flirty over messages so you agree to go out on a date with him. he's even prettier in person than in his photos. kyle is flirty without being pushy, asks you questions about your hobbies without prompting, and he admits that it was simon that gave him a gentle push to message you when you explain that a friend stopped you from deleting your profile before agreeing to go on a date with him.

child free!reader who agrees to go on a second date with kyle after he tells you that he got a vasectomy at 21 because he knew even then that he never wanted to be a dad.

child free!reader that messages the group chat you have with simon and johnny absolutely gushing about kyle's eyes, arms and smile. johnny replies with endless eggplant emojis and simon sends a singular thumbs up.

child free!reader that after four fantastic dates (and one mind blowing night together) decides to delete their dating profile after kyle sleepily mumbles into your neck about wanting to be exclusive.

(and a little bonus scene that i just can't scrap)

child free!reader who goes as kyle's plus one to john price's wedding a year later and you both laugh yourselves silly when you tell your boyfriend that you went out on a very nice date with the groom once upon a time. you toast the bride with matching flutes of a non-alcoholic mocktail as she rests her hand on her very pregnant stomach at the sweetheart table she shares with her new husband.

[blkkizzat]

Tutorial: Manga Banners

Basic Manga Text Change/Coloring/GIF creation in PS

Hey, so as promised making a very basic tutorial for making banner gifs in photoshop for fics/drabbles/layouts, etc.

I'm going to keep things super simple here for beginners.

END RESULTS↴ 

(NOTE: This gif I made will be used for an unreleased story of mine so please don't use this exact gif/images but you are free to follow the tutorial to create your own).

All I ask is if you find this helpful to REBLOG! :) No need to credit me.

For this tutorial you will need ↴ 

Photoshop

At least 2 manga panel images (non-transparent*)

Optional: Manga fonts. I mostly use CC Wild words (speech bubbles) & Manga Temple (narrator boxes)

Basic knowledge of photoshop layout/where tools are.

*this tutorial is essentially the same if working with transparency but if you do work with transparency you will need to have knowledge of clipping masks which i do not cover here.

Tutorial ↴ 

(optional) Prepwork: so i didn't think to include this do this but you are going to need to crop and resize your image. make sure the width is either 540 or 1080px. This is the recommended width for pictures in tumblr. Height can be what you want it to be. This is done image > image size (make sure the link-chain is pressed for aspect ratio)

Step 1

This is what you want your setup to look similar to. Delete locked background layer.

Steps 2 & 3

Make a new layer. It might be helpful for beginners to re-name all their layers so instead of "Layer 2" you might name this ⇢ "White fill layer or Text cover up". (doubletap layer name to change it).

Use rectangular marquee to select text you want to change. If you are just replacing a word or two you dont need to white out everything. But you could choose to cover up all if you wish. I just wanted to remove "senpai".

Steps 4 & 5

Use Paint Bucket Tool to fill in selection area with white (make sure the new layer you made is selected when you do this).

Select Text Tool. There is no need to make a new layer as once you are done typing it will become a text layer. I used CC Wild Words bold font for this for emphasis. If you do multiple lines of text use a new text layer for each line.

Step 6 - Optional Step - Highly recommended if you did multiple lines of text.

Rasterize Type by right clicking the layer. This is an optional step. I tend to do it out of habit and rasterizing lets you use the move tool to give you exact px distances between other rasterized elements but nothing we are doing requires this tbh and if you do decide to do it you can't go back and edit text.

If you did multiple text layers you cause space them out evenly using the move tool (zoom into 200%-400% if necessary to get exact pixel distances). Tip: Manga text is centered in the bubble and leaves a good distance away from the edge.

When you are done ctrl/cmd to select all text layers then right click and merge the layers. This is so incase you have to move the text layer for whatever reason they are all on one layer now, evenly spaced and you won't accidentally mess that up.

Step 7

Create an exposure layer (half filled in circle in layer bar for menu). This is important as it can lighten/darken image to make the colors we will add later pop by playing with the sliders for each setting.

Step 8

Apply exposure settings. On the right-hand side there will be 3 slider bars. The screenshot shows my settings but your settings will vary depending on the image. The one that gives the biggest benefit for manga is Gamma Correction which affects the midtones to make them lighter/darker and adds better contrast to the image so it doesn't look as muddy, often in black and white images it is easy for midtones to look muddy. Offset affects mid to dark tones of an image. Exposure affects midtones to highlights to make brighter or darker, overall use this the least. TIP: If you want to make an image brighter or darker you usually want this to apply equally to the overall image so then you would create a brightness/contrast layer instead. most manga images skew muddy and need a midtone and dark adjustment rather than highlights. the better the manga scan images the less adjustments you will need.

Step 9 - Optional

Apply a gradient map (half filled in circle in layer bar for menu). This is optional. a Gradient map adds gradient but preserves the shading in the image so essentially adds a gradient to the shading. I do this in black and white. But if you are happy with how it came out in the exposure phase you don't need to.

Step 10 & 11 -

Apply a gradient (half filled in circle in layer bar for menu). So when you add a gradient there are a ton of preset color combos you can use or you can create your own. I think this one is a preset but can't remember. I like a diagonal gradient from light to dark depending on where the light source on the image is but it is completely up to you. I tend to set the gradient angles near these 4 settings: -145, -45, 45, 145 depending on what corner I want the lighter part in.

One thing to note is brighter colors work better with a darker background. Lighter backgrounds can get washed out. One you add this as you can see it will be solid color.

*note* once this layer is applied any edits such as moving text, etc. around you want to do to the lower layers beneath it click the "eye" button to hide the gradient (same for the map) or there's a good chance it will move the gradient layers around and not the layer you want.

Change layer blending mode. By default it's set to "normal". You can play around with these. Depending on the effect you want and whether the image has darker or lighter colors will decide the blending mode. My typical blending modes are screen, overlay, hard light, vivid light or pin light. You can duplicate this gradient layer and play around with multiple settings and opacities to create something you like.

Step 12 - Optional

Add a Brightness/Contrast layer (half filled in circle in layer bar for menu). Brightness/Contrast on this step will look wildly different than if you added it right after the exposure step. It's not necessary but if you want more overall contrast or brightness then you can add it.

You can see my settings below on the sliders on the right-hand side.

Step 13

Create new layer for highlights. (also good check point to see how your layers are organized).

Step 14

Select the brush tool and ensure brush settings are a soft round brush with a hardness of 0% for the highlight effect. (if you click the brush image you can see my settings better)

Step 15

Select the dropper tool and pick a color from the gradient image. I usually pick the darkest colors available as it will have the best dodge effect for highlights. Since this is pink/redish I only have one highlight color but if you were doing a green/blue gradient you would pick the darkest from both. (ignore the purple here its not being used)

Step 16

Create highlights with brush tool. Do a few tests placements randomly around the image for positioning and then swap the blend mode to either color dodge or linear dodge. I usually do color dodge. You will get awesome highlights like below. You can play with the sizing of the brushes and opacity to decrease the effect.

Step 17 & 18

Export as PNG. Do this even if you want to make a gif as I always recommend a clean canvas for gif making. If you want to be done here and don't want a gif thats fine too. File > Export > Quick Export as PNG (do not save as jpeg/gif you will lose image quality).

Repeat for second image. You don't need to open a new file unless it helps you to not get confused. You can just make a new layer and paste your new image into that layer (if you just right click copy the file in the window/finder folder you can directly paste it into a layer in PS) and use the transform tool to resize. However you can totally just open the image in PS. The benefit of same canvas is you save yourself some time as you can just duplicate gradient layers/adjustment layers and move them. But this is kinda more advanced so if you aren't comfortable with photoshop just make a new image.

Step 18-19

Create new file/open one of the PNG in PS (more advanced can just create new layer, select image, then copy > copy merged and paste on new file for each. Otherwise open one file, create a new layer then copy the other file. The bottom later will be the first image in the gif.

Create Frame Animation on the timeline window. (if the timeline window does not appear then window > timeline) *note* if this is your first time working with the window it may be set to "create video timeline", if that's the case create it then from the frame menu (in step 23 theres an example of where this is) select "convert to frame animation".

If done correctly your setup should look like the below with two images. One for each layer and one for each frame.

MAKE SURE PROPAGATE FRAME ONE BOX IS CHECKED IN THE LAYERS WINDOW.

lmao, not to be dramatic but this ensures most effects you would add to frame 1 (which corresponds to layer 1) is applied to all frames. I'm not too sure its super vital for this super basic gif I'm showing you but its better to get in the habit of always having it checked. otherwise it will fuck you over later down the line in my next tutorial where I show how to add frames to gifs.

Step 20

Select both layers, then select both frames (ctrl/cmd) and finally select tween from the timeline window. It is the multi-faded dot option on the bar below.

Step 21

Add Frames to Tween. Tween is the fading effect adding more frames is the longer the fading effect is. I added 20 for this step, you can play around and add more or less.

Once you do that you can see 20 new frames being added onto the timeline. This will not automatically add new layers, this is fine. Frames and layers don't need to be a 1-to-1. (Another reason why propagate frame 1 needs to be checked as you can still adjust those layerless frames by adjusting frame 1's layer)

Step 22

Adding delays. Automatically the delay on every frame is at zero. But especially if you have text you want people to be able to read that so you need to add in a delay. Your delays can be in increments of 1/10th of a second. I add a 1 second delay to the first frame only.

Step 23

Select and Copy the first frame and then select the last frame and Paste. A paste window will appear in this case we want to paste after selection. I circled where the menu for frames are. (sorry used a different gif as an example so ignore everything but the circled menu)

Step 24

Adding additional delays. I add a 1 second delay to the last two frames.

Step 25

Add more Tween I added 5 frames this time as we want the transition to be much quicker to reset the image. You can see frame 23 in the previous step are now frame 28.

You can add more images in than 2 and follow these steps to add tweening.

DONE! Now to save.

Step 26

Export your gif. File > Export > Save for Web (Legacy) and the screen below should pop up. Here are the settings I use for gifs. You can play around with it but I really wouldn't lol. (again ignore image size, this is from a different gif) it will also tell you how big in file weight your gif is. This isn't something you have to worry about for something simple but the bigger the image size and the more transitions/images you use the more frames you will have. Reducing image size (make sure chain link is on like in the below) will take off more sizing then removing frames will and I would recommend that. But tumblr allows 10MB MAX per gif so just something to keep in mind.

Let me know how this was! If you have questions just drop me an ask. ❤

[yangbbokari]

Skz As Toxic Cheating Men

Pairing: OT8/skz x fem!reader A.N.: Don't ask this just randomly came to mind

CHAN - Who'll make you believe that he's so kind-hearted but will do an entire 180 when he gets you where he wants you - Who'll victim blame all the time - "But, Baby... If you would have loved me more I wouldn't seek for it in other people." - Who'll coax you into forgiving him, which you do, and the cycle begins

MINHO - Who won't hesitate cheating on you from the start - You could be the other woman and wouldn't know - Who begs for you back and you forgive him each and every single time - Who your family doesn't approve of but they don't even know what's good for you, right? - (Or at least that's what Min told you) - Who makes sure you don't find out about the fling he's having with one of your friends right now - "Don't worry about her, baby. You're all I want."

CHANGBIN - Who is the most manipulative type - Who won't allow you to meet other people and you must be with him all the time - Who doesn't allow you to have any social media when you guys begin dating - Who always has your phone and limits your usage of it - Who claims its for your own safety because after all he has these muscles for a reason - Who will disappear after you fall asleep to hook up with a random girl - Who you'll wake up beside in the morning with kiss marks on his shirts collar but you choose to ignore it like you always do - "Why are you staring baby?"

HYUNJIN - Who breaks it to you softly just to do it again - Who promises you he's a changed man but we all know that's a lie(except you) - Who likes to string you along like a puppet - Who secretly deletes all the chats between you and any male relation because he can definitely cheat but you can't - Who tells you he does it for fun and will come back to you at the end of the day anyways - "I don't know why you're making such a big deal out of this. It's not even that serious."

JISUNG - Who makes an entire scene when you confront him about it - Who refuses to admit to his adultery - Who in the end turns the entire situation on you - Who will purposefully send you explicit things that’s going on between him and his fling just to get you riled up - Who denies that that’s him in the video - Who basically tells you that you no longer satisfy him so it’s only fair that he finds it elsewhere - “I would never cheat and you know it. If I did then it must be because of you.”

FELIX - Who does it discreetly - Who tells his entire friend group and about the other woman and then “accidentally” sends you a text - Who proceeds to say the text wasn’t meant for you - Who gets violent when you ask him about it later on - Who slaps you across the face when he catches you searching his phone - Who threatens you he’ll break-up with you if you continue with your “nonsense” - “Why can’t you just trust me!? Never touch my phone again!”

SEUNGMIN - Who begins cheating and gets wary about you - Who will constantly cheat even in your own house - Who brings random girls at night when you’re working the night-shift - Who tells you it’s not him when your friend sends a picture of him kissing a girl at a bar - Who then begins questioning you - Who asks you if you’re the one cheating because cheaters are always worried about their partners cheating when deep down he knows he’s talking about himself - Who gets jealous when he sees you talking to a coworker - Who deletes all your male contacts and blocks them on your socials too - Who thinks you’re cheating on him too because it’s only right for you to be doing that or he wouldn’t be doing it to you - “I bet you’re fucking cheating on me! We all know you’re a fucking slut anyways!”

JEONGIN - Who claims that he just didn’t know it was wrong - Who uses his puppy eyes and says that he truly didn’t mean to - Who says it was the woman who seduced him and he’d never do that to you - Who claims he’ll never do it again - Who’s cheating on you the week after that - Who smiles at is phone like a teenager and says that its his sister when you ask - Who knows he’s caught in a lie when he says so since he only has brothers - Who begins crying hysterically and claiming that it’s just because he’s been so lonely when you’re gone - Who plays victim until you fall into his trap again - “But you love me, don’t you, noona? If you really love me you’ll forgive me, right?” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A.N.: Y’all notice how each member’s got longer. Yeah I got a little carried away

[mustangbby]

SEEING YOU TONIGHT....

...it's a bad idea, right?

aventurine x fem! reader - in which you're his ex who, after seeing again, felt a desire to have back.

giyssssssss im feeling motivated to write again i feel great!!!!!!!!!!! busy busy weekend tho so idk how much more i can write hmm... but i'm going based off of song titles now lol. btw i deleted all of my past drafts and requests, so if u want something written, please request a song u want to hear with a character/scenario

exes to whatever is inbetween exes and lovers, one suggestive comment at the end, fem reader

he saw you at the bar last night, and that did it for him.

he knew it was wrong, and he shouldn't feel attracted to you anymore. but oh, the way you shine, how prominent your curves look in that gorgeous white dress. it makes him regret that he ever left you.

but you were thinking the same. he looked older now, he looked like he matured a little bit. you found him really attractive, but you were too ashamed to admit that when your friend prodded at your side, asking you what you were looking at.

you had no choice but to brush her off. she was the one who knew about aventurine, the one who had been there for you during the breakup, and the one who doesn't do anything but shittalk his name when he's brought up. that would be a betrayal to her if you were to give into your thoughts.

soon enough, your friend caught on, a dissapointed look on her face.

"seriously, y/n? why are you staring at him as if you just found the love of your life? do you remember what he put you through???"

she shook you by the shoulders and took you off the dance floor before sitting you down at a booth in the back corner of the building.

"you can't get back with him. you're going to get hurt all over again."

you sighed, understanding where she's coming from. you remember everything, all of the details in perfect order, but still are thinking about approaching him.

a couple hours later, the bar was mostly empty. your friend went home, bored of staying in the same place. you promised her you'd get back safe and not have too many drinks, so she bid you farewell and left.

there were a couple patrons left, mostly just drunkards laying wasted on the bar counters and the tables. but one thing you did notice, is that aventurine never left.

you both made eye contact, accidentally staring for a second too long before you turned your head away and pulled your phone out, pretending to distract yourself.

you soon heard footsteps inching closer to the table you were sitting at. you closed your phone and saw aventurine, leaning over your table, his arms planted on the tabletop for support. he gave you a sly smirk and you just kept looking up at him.

"do you need something?" was the only thing that would leave your mouth in that moment. you tried to tell him to back away, leave you alone, but that wasn't what your heart wanted.

"just came to say hi. i saw your stare all night. you weren't very sneaky."

you weren't really trying to be sneaky at all. this was what you wanted to happen. he knew that better than you did.

he soon cleared his throat to break the silence, before continuing to speak.

"but i won't deny, i was looking at you too. i'm sure we have the same intentions."

you looked away. you're also sure that you have the same intentions- those to hook back up. maybe it would betray your friend, maybe it would betray the people who helped him through the breakup, but you didn't care. you were only thinking about yourself right now. and so was he.

"i'm sure we do, aventurine," you decided not to engage too much, not now. you wanted to see where this conversation went. with a smirk plastered on your face, you continued to speak. "but why me?"

he gave his signature chuckle. you knew why he picked you out of every single woman who filtered through this bar tonight. but you wanted to see how far he'd allow you to take the conversation while answering with honesty.

"well, i already know everything there is to know about you. we're exes, not strangers. and plus, i've never not found you attractive. i'd assume we've both changed and matured over the past couple years, and i don't know if i'll be able to see you again after tonight anyway, so why not take my shot?"

good point. he usually went out for business a lot, and you were on the move a bunch for your work, too. so it was rare that you'd end up in the same place.

"fair enough."

you grabbed the collar of his dress shirt, one you'd grown farmiliar with seeing whenever he'd come home from a long mission, and smashed your lips into his. you don't know what took you over, but it was definitely not your brain thinking.

he didn't pull away. instead, he deepened the kiss, turning it into a full blown makeout. you gasped into his lips before closing your eyes, drowning in the moment. it felt so good to finally be back to him. it felt even better to know that you still have a place in his heart.

the kiss felt like it went on for ages before it was broken apart, a string of saliva connecting you two for a split second before splitting as well. you were shocked and out of breath, unable to do anything but stare at him, a content grin on your face. you snapped out of it after aventurine started to talk once more.

"well, how nice. i'm sticking around for the next couple weeks. meet me back here tomorrow night, same place? maybe we can take it to the sheets."

[marshallsgirl]

Don't leave part 2

Pairing: Eminem x Fem¡Reader

Warnings: 🔞 MATURE READ AT YOUR OWN RISK

Recommended song: The One - Kodaline

Author's note: I'm working on my graduation final project, that's why I haven't been so active lately. I wrote this and I don't know how I feel about it.  I may delete it later or idk. Hope you all enjoy it. I love you guys so much! Sending all of you a warm hug🫂��

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January 14th, 2006

It's pretty late at night. I'm watching the news when once again I have to run to the bathroom. I'm throwing up again. I'm feeling sick. I can't even explain why I felt like doing this but...I'm taking a pregnancy test. I bought one earlier this morning but I couldn't do it. I was too scared. But I'm doing it now. I can't be pregnant. I mean...it would be nice to be...No, I am not pregnant. That thing is going to be negative!

The news reporter started to talk. Maybe it got my attention cause they played a song in the background. An Eminem's song.

"Today January 14th at 5pm Eminem and Kim got married for the second time around their fifteen anniversary. Kim said to People Magazine: 'Marshall wanted to do it because it was our fifteenth year together from our original day we started going out'. They repeated their vows from their first marriage..."

As the reporter is talking I'm looking down at my pregnancy test and I found the word "pregnant". And I started to cry. I've been waiting a long time for this moment but it isn't how I imagined it. I just found out that I'm pregnant and that my baby's daddy is married again. Even knowing this I feel the need to call Marshall. But I can't do that. He's probably on his honeymoon right now. He is probably spending such a great time being a family again. I know he did all of this for Hailie's happiness. I know he is trying hard to put his family back together. I can't call him.

So I called Proof.

"Oh, you saw the news, didn't you?"

"No...I mean yes, but I'm not calling about that" I said trying to control my tears.

"Are u okay? What happen?" I could tell he was concerned.

"Well...I kinda need an advice, man"

"Why? What did you do?"

"Nothing...I just..."

"Hey, y/n you can talk to me. We're good friends, aren't we? I don't care what happened between you and Marshall. You and I, girl. We can still be friends"

That made me lost control of my tears.

" Yo, y/n what happen?"

"Man, I'm pregnant" I confess. "Proof, I don't know what to do. I just found out that I am and I saw the fuckin' news..."

"Wait what that...you pregnant? Is it..." he didn't finish the question

"Yes, of course it's Marshall's"

"Shit...you got to tell him, y/n"

I knew he would say that, but I was hoping to be wrong.

"No, I can't do that to him"

"You know him, y/n. If you don't tell him he is gonna hate you"

"I know he deserves to know but he just got married and I know he wants to be happy with his family"

"So? I mean, he can be happy with them and at the same time he can take care of your baby, his baby. I know he'll want to be a responsable dad. You have to tell him"

"Proof, please I just can't...I'm too scared"

"Y/n, I want you to hang off the phone and call Marshall right now"

I needed time. Maybe tomorrow I'll be more brave. But saying this to Proof won't work.

"Listen, I'm going to do a blood test tomorrow just to be extra sure. Okay? If it is positive I'll call him right away"

"If you don't call him by tomorrow afternoon, I'll do it"

"Please, don't. I promise you, I'll call him".

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The blood test confirmed that I'm pregnant. But when I tried to contact Marshall he didn't answered his phone. So, I called Proof and he planned a reunion for us at Marshall's studio.

"Y/n?" he said when he saw me. "Are u looking for Proof? He'll be here soon, actually I'm waiting for him" he added.

"He's not coming. It's me who you are waiting for. I called you but you didn't answerd so..."

"I'm married" he said rapidly

"I know, Marshall. I just need to tell you something important"

"Go on then. I need to go back to my family, you know" it was something weird in the way he said that, like it was something he had to say it to believe it. I can explain it, I just know him too much. But I didn't ask him about it. So, I extended my hand to him. Letting him know that he needed to grab the paper (the blood pregnancy test) that was on my hand. He read it and then looked at me shocked.

"Is this some kinda joke?" he asked. "Why are u doin' this?"

"I am pregnant, Marshall. And listen I just thought you deserved to know. Even Proof told me that I should tell you 'cause if I didn't you'll hate me forever". I started to say. "I know you think I'm doin' this 'cause I want us to be back together but I promise you I'm not. I would never do something like this to make you leave your family".

"You really are pregnant...How long? How are you feeling?"

Now I could tell he was concerned.

" I don't know how many weeks I am. I just found out that I am pregnant, so I have no idea. And I've been feeling sick"

"Let's take you to the doctors then"

So we made a prenatal appointment.

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"The baby is 7 week and 1 day!" said the doctor.

I looked at Marshall's face. It looked like he was counting.

"So, you got pregnant on november 2005..." said Marshall as we both realized that my pregnancy started on the day he left me.

"Which means the due date is September 1st" the doctor told us.

"Oh, a virgo baby!" I said.

"Is it just one or there is more than one?" Marshall asked. I could tell he was really curious.

"I can answer that next week. The next appointment will be an ultrasound appointment, okay?"

I saw Marshall's face lighting up.

"Oh my! Our first ultrasound appointment?" I couldn't wait for that. That's exciting! I'll get to see my baby for the first time.

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In the car on the way back to y/n's home.

"Did you tell Kim about me? I mean, about me being pregnant" I asked. I was really curious to know if she got a certain reaction. But "no" was the only answerd Marshall gave me.  "So, are u going to hide this from her?"

"I don't want to talk about it right now. Let's get you something to eat" he said.

●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●♡●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●

Time went by and Marshall finally told me that things were not good between Kim and him. He assure me that it had nothing to do with me or my pregnancy. Then he mentioned the word "divorce", but made it very clear that he wasn't doing it because of me.

"I'm really happy you are pregnant, y/n. But now it's not the time for me to be in a relationship" he said.

"Are you going to tell me what happened? It must had been something really serious. I mean, you got re-married and now just three month later you want a divorce"

"I trust you, but I really don't wanna talk about it. Can we talk about the baby?"

"What exactly you want to talk about?" I wonder

"Do you feel it's a boy or a girl?"

I really didn't know how to answer that. I've done all the things to predict the sex of the baby and it's pretty even. I mean, I got 50% girl and 50% boy. So, I have no idea.

"They'll call me soon to tell me my results on the last exams I did and they could tell me the sex you know"

"Are you going to surprise me?" he asked and then leave a kiss on my belly. We're both laying in bed. I was to tired to do the normal things I do like cook and clean. And Marshall volunteer to help me. I couldn't say no. For real, even if I say no he would probably throw me to bed and lock me in my room.

"Yeah, I'm going to surprise you. I don't know how yet but I'll do it".

"Okay, then I'mma go buy you something to eat. Any cravings?"

"Can you get me some donuts?"

"Yeah, I'll be back soon" he says and before he leaves he press his lips on my belly once again. "Love you" he added.

"The baby loves you too" I said.

"I love you, too y/n" he says letting me know that  he said it for both of us, the baby and me. He is driving me crazy. I don't understand him. And people say women are the complicated ones. He doesn't want to be in a relationship and that's why he is getting divorce. So, I think he comes to see me and do shit for me just because the baby but then he is telling me he love me?

"Hey! I said I love you, y/n" he was already by the bedroom door. I know he won't leave unless I say it back.

"Stop it! You are going to get me all horny and shit"

"You’re horny preggers, aren’t you?" he says walking towards the bed.

"I’m fat and horny. It’s disgusting."

" Nah, you could be 300 pounds I’d still do you".

Maybe it's because I'm hormonal but I'm touched and I start crying.

"You're so fuckin' romantic" I say

He sitting by the edge of the bed now. He is touching my belly. His touch is soft. I want to say that I love him. But, honestly I'm just to scared to do that.

"I feel it's a boy. And I can't wait to see the way you're with him. You're gonna be incredible"  he says "I love you, y/n" he assures me.

"I'm nervous..." I manage to say

"I'm nervous too"

"No, you are not!" I replied

"Y/n, I'm not divorce yet... The truth is I'm just waiting for that to be done so I can...so that we can try to do this right. You're my home and I'm sorry it took me a lot of shit to finally understand that. You've always been there for me. I've always came back to you, every fuckin' time. I was so stupid. I'm truly sorry. I promise you I'll never ever hurt you again. I won't leave you. I promise for as long as we're together, to never, ever put you through anything like that again."

"Marshall..."

"Wait, I know it's going to be difficult almost impossible for you to forgive me, but please try. Please, y/n. 'Cause I miss you a lot and I love you even more. You don't have to say it back, though. You don't have to say nothing at all right now. I completly get it". when he finished he got up and left the room really quick. He didn't give me time to express myself.

"I love you, Marshall" I said to the nothingness.

A moment later my phone starts to ring. It's my doctor. She started to tell me about my result and how everything was normal and that I need more vitamin C and then she said:

" This also tell us the sex of the baby. Would you like to know?"

"Yes!"

"Would you like me to tell you over the phone or..."

"Over the phone it's okay" I didn't even let her finish her question. I was to excited!

"Over the phone it's okay?"

"Yes"

"Okay, let me open it up...Alright it looks like you are having a baby boy!"

Omfg! I'm crying, now. Marshall was right! Oh, man I'm having a boy!

"Omg, thank you!" I manage to say

"Congratulations!" said my doctor before ending the phone call.

I couldn't wait to tell Marshall. I needed to surprise him. So, I figurate out a way to do so. I grab a white mug, his favorite mug actually (and it's not his but mine). But okay, it's his favorite. And I wrote inside at the buttom of it: "it's a boy". Then I prepared him a mixed berry smoothie.

He came back just in time.

"Here, try this" I said giving him the mug.

"What are you doing out of bed? Why are you holding my mug? What is this?"

"Marshall, just drink it! It's a mixed berry smoothie and...it has the sex of our baby!"

And just as I finished to say that he started to drink it. He finished in seconds! And as soon as he read what was inside, he ran to put the mug on the table and then ran back to hug me and lift me in his arms.

"Marshall, we're having a boy!" I got my arms around his neck. Enjoying that moment. I was crying but all happy tears.

"Yes! Oh my God, what the fuck! Life is crazy!" He kept saying this words. He was really happy too.

"God is so beautiful!"

"I told you! I knew it was a boy! I fuckin' told you!" He said as he put me down.

"Holy shit, I know that's crazy!"

He knelt in front of me and kissed my belly and then said:

"I knew you were in there the whole time. I love you, son"

[koji-haru]

What gave you the inspiration to make your AU?

Short answer? I'm delusional lmao.

Honestly, I was just bored during summer and thought, "why not get back to writing again?". I wasn't actually planning on staying long, like maybe write a few chapters and then dip and maybe delete the account once I'm bored. But here I am still, lol.

For the time travel au, I answered this before in another ask, but I just made my own version of @ironbatpaperturtle's time travel au since they deactivated and I really really wanted a continuation of that au. That, and I was just reading a couple of revenge stories, and as much as I love it, I also hated it when the authors usually make the mc not go through their revenge plot - 'revenge is bad' blah blah blah and then they get the bad end of the stick even though they were the initial victim. So, if you noticed with how I wrote the first parts of the time travel au, I made Adam very adamant and determined with his goals (he still is even in the latest chapters, even though he feels less worthy of the garden now). Now, I'm not saying the way I wrote Adam makes him a 'victim', my guy didn't even bother and try to maybe be friends with both Lucifer and Lilith in his second life. He's just a hater, and yes, that's a flaw, I'm not excusing it. I mean, at the start he was just cozying up to Mike to have a backup just in case things go bad. He does soften up in later chapters though.

Essentially, what I'm trying to say is that I mainly wanted a story not necessarily heavy on plot, but more so on the mc's development as a person.

For the swap au, well, I just love a good old role reversal story. It's just fun. Also, I'm not sure if anyone has noticed, but *kinda spoiler-ish* the swap au is, in a way, like the opposite of the time travel au. In what way? I won't elaborate lol. But it's fun! I love creating 'foils'; either for characters, developments, themes, or even whole stories. So, I guess, in a weird egoistic way, my own time travel au inspired me to write the swap au?

Honestly, I can't really properly answer what inspired me to write my aus. At the simplest reason, I just wanted to convey a theme or a feeling. That's how I usually start writing. Maybe I listen to a song, read a poem, see a nice picture, feel something, etc. Like I could be walking and something random would inspire me and I would just quickly make a note of 'the feeling' in my phone. Like one time I was on the bus and I thought the gloomy sky with the sun behind dark grey clouds looked pretty cool at that moment. It kind of reminded me of a hole in the sky, somewhat like a portal or a signal to the world ending, so I took note of that and now I have another story in the drafts (I don't think I'll ever get to it though, with how busy I am).

Sounds really lame, but I write to make an atmosphere, I guess? I just want to capture that sensation permanently into writing; doesn't matter if it's negative or positive or neither, I want it saved forever. So anything inspires me really, from the most random tunes to the prettiest words, and then I just piece them all together. I don't really have a singular inspiration.

What keeps me writing? I'm just too stubborn to leave things unfinished. There's also the fact that I'm currently obsessed with Adam lol.

On a somewhat related note, 'Birds of a Feather' by Billie Eilish really suits the time travel au.

So... Time travel au -> a soft, blooming change from within Swap au -> more like a crashing, unwanted change Promises au -> lonely people finding comfort with each other (I was probably just feeling lonely when I thought of this au tbh)

I'm not sure I answered your question properly, but, eh I tried. Really, I'm not artsy enough to draw proper, solid inspirations, I'm just a delusional student who's heavy into STEM - so no imagination at all lol.

Did I go off topic? Yes, multiple times. Did I answer your question, anon? Most likely not, sorry.

[sombrashe]

Trophy

this is a repost because my original blog was deleted

relationship(s) valeria x reader

Valeria walked in to see you hunched over throwing clothes all around the room.

"What are you doing?"

You spare a glance towards her figure in the door before returning to your nest-like pile.

"I can't find that outfit you bought me for this event."

Your stomach flip-flopped as you heard her heels clack against the wood of your floor.

"Where did you last have it?"

She couched down next to you and lifted a wrinkled shirt that she had bought you a few years ago.

"Does this even still fit you? I got this when we first started dating."

You shrug and flop onto your back with an annoyed groan.

"I can't find it, Valeria, I'm sorry."

She tsk and stood.

"Lovely, have you checked in my closet?"

You look over at her with a frown.

"Why would it be in there? Isn't that the whole reason you made sure I had my own closet when we got married? So I wouldn't take up space in yours?"

She smoothed the pants to her suit out and nodded.

"True, that is why. But, I know you lovely. You'd lose your head if it wasn't attached to your shoulders."

You watched her red bottoms take her to her closet. She swung open the door and walked inside. She emerged a few moments later with a white dress bag. You sat up with a smile.

"You found it!"

Standing you shifted through your clothes and over to her. Going to take the bag from her hands and moved it slightly out of your way.

"Promise me you won't wrinkle it, this is an important moment tonight. We're meeting a new client, he's from the United States and we have to make a good impression."

You nod and smile holding out your arms instead of going in for another grab.

"Good."

She places the bag on your arms before leaning in for a gentle kiss against your cheek. Pinching your butt she mumbles in your ear.

"Go and get all pretty for me. I'll check in on you in five."

You feel heat rush to your cheeks as you giggle.

"Yes ma'am."

She hums in approval and closes your door with a soft click, her heels muffled by the carpet leading down the hallway. You walk into the bathroom and remove the bag from your suit, one that matched with hers.

"A couple like us needs to match, show everyone here that two is better than one." Her voice echos in your head.

Stripping you gently button the dress shirt first, white to match her black. Fixing it into your dress pants, the next step was the tight-fitting best which buttoned much like the shirt before it. The matching black blazer slipped snugly over your shoulders and you decided to leave it open.

"Valeria doesn't know what she's talking about, an open top looks just as good."

You checked yourself in the mirror and smiled. You looked great. A knock at the door and then it was swinging open. Valeria stood there as the yang to your ying.

You smiled up at her and you spun for her. "How does it look?"

She hummed and walked over inspecting your outfit closely. She took a strand of your hair in her hand and shook her head.

"Your hair needs to be done."

She reached under the sink and grabbed a few containers and bottles of product and lined them up in front of you.

"Use these to style. I have a quick meeting I need to attend, I'll come back to check on you after."

She placed a gentle kiss against your lips before walking out. You pouted but got to work. It took a while but eventually, you got your hair to style exactly how you pictured it. All those years besides Valeria paying off.

You went to open the door when you hear her heels announcing her arrival. You take a step back as the handle turns. She tilts her head when she catches you standing there. A small smile tugs at her lips when she takes in your sight.

"Perfect."

She picks a fluffy off your shoulder before placing a kiss against the top of your nose.

"Ready? He's just arrived."

You smile and link your arm with hers.

"Always."

You walk alongside her as she guides you through the corridor that leads from the private section of your home to the more open layout of your shared living space. Smiling you greet the people around you. You straightened your walk as you came upon the man Valeria was speaking about.

He was handsome, with dark hair and even darker eyes. He turned from the woman whom he was whispering intently to when he heard Valeria's heels stop in front of him.

"Valeria." She stated simply extending her hand to him.

He gently took it and placed his lips on the back of it. You watched as an expression of disgust crossed her eyes. Her smile stayed plastered on her face.

"And this is my life partner."

You smile and the man and bow your head. Your hand snaked around Valeria's bicep trying everything to keep from having his lips on your hand. You realized your plan wouldn't work when you felt a pinch at your wrist. You quickly extended your hand and introduced yourself

"Wonderful to meet you, sir."

He placed a kiss against your hand and you realized why Valeria looked so disgusted. He didn't close his mouth. It took everything in you not to gag loudly. Instead you just discreetly wiped the back of your hand against the leg of your suit.

"So, where would you like to discuss my offer?"

Valeria gestured around the room.

"Right here, of course, need to be in my men's line of sight at all times, and don't worry about eavesdropping. Every single person in this room is in my back pocket."

Her voice dropped at that last sentence a knowing smile crossing her lips. The man in front of you looked around nervously before whispering something to the woman from before. You released your grip on Valeria and she led the man to a couch in a less crowded part of the room. When the woman started to follow you stopped her.

"Excuse you."

Her voice was high with worry and you just smiled.

"Don't worry, Valeria won't harm him in here. You need to stay with me or else neither of you will be making your flight tomorrow. You're flying out at 4 am, right? Trying to get an early start in case the deal goes sideways, huh?"

You led her away and over to the snack table. Nodding and trading pleasantries with the other guests at the table. She looked in your direction, terror filling her eyes.

"Are you new here? Third wife?"

You pointed at the ring on her finger, the rock was huge.

"How did you know?"

Her voice stayed the same in pitch but lowered in tone to a whisper.

"I've met plenty of women like you, marrying rich not realizing just how your husband got that way."

You picked up a few of the less messy items and handed her the plate.

"Go ahead, eat and act happy. Trust me it makes everything better."

You made up your plate of the same items.

"What about you? Which one are you?"

She stayed right on your heels as you sat on a loveseat a few feet from Valeria and the man.

"First and only, we have a deal. We'll kill the other before getting a divorce."

Your smile was wide and she couldn't tell if you were being serious or not. You didn't quell her questioning thought and instead took a bit out of the small cake that rested squarely on your plate.

"Don't look over at them, we're the trophies right now."

You finished off the last bit of your cake before moving on. She followed your instructions, and the order you were eating in. After a few more hours of explaining her job at these types of parties and getting to know each other, she seemed genuinely happy by the time her husband walked over.

"May I?"

You looked over at the woman and smiled, she seemed to read your eyes and sighed in relief. Everything went well.

"Of course." You gesture for the woman to join her husband and he whisks her off into the crowd.

"How did it go?"

"She's the third wife, her name is Sara Reed and she lives at 17261 Allan Avenue in Naples, Flordia. She is still very close with her mother and sister, she never mentioned her father."

"You did good lovely."

You smiled and waved to the woman when she looked over at you. Valeria gently rubbed her thumb over your cheek, and you gave her a lovesick grin. The gentle pets the furthest she will go in public. Each one is a reminder of how much she loves you.

[queerfables]

Several Sentences Sunday

Tagged by @iphyslitterator. This is from my au fic where Tommy is the villain, but I picked this section for you because I feel like its Buck/Tommy vibes are still really good. Without giving too much away, Tommy is being authentic with the feelings he's expressing, but he has some seriously distorted thinking about his past that is gonna inform his future with Buck.

No pressure tagging: @aroeddiediaz @glorious-spoon @asexual-fandom-queen @uttermywish @decadent-prince

---

"Is it true?"

"Evan..."

"Is. It. True?"

"That's not the whole story."

"I can't even look at you. Get out."

"No, wait - "

"You know what? Stay. I'll go."

He grabbed his keys and slammed the door behind him.

His phone vibrates in his pocket, making him jump. It's a scam message from someone pretending to be his bank, complete with a misspelling in his last name.

Below it, there's a notification telling him he has one new voice mail. The call must have come through while he was driving, circuitous blocks with no destination in mind. Buck's thumb hovers between listen and delete.

It's just the one message. That has Buck off kilter, and he doesn't know why. Maybe he expected Tommy to fill up his memory bank with pleading and apologies, or the angry rantings of the guilty and caught. But it's just the one message, sent only ten minutes after he'd left, and it's that more than anything that has him pressing play.

"Uh. Hey," Tommy says, rough like he's holding back tears. "Listen, Evan, I didn't mean to chase you out of your own house. I can - I'm gonna go, okay? I'll lock up behind me, I know you took your keys. You need time, I get it, we can talk later. Or..."

His voice cracks.

"Or not, if that's what you want. Just, please be safe, okay? I know how you get when you're upset. Don't crash your car because of something I did. I couldn't - I couldn't - shit."

The phone crackles, but doesn't cut out. Buck thinks maybe Tommy moved it away from his face. He waits through fifteen seconds of silence, trying not to think about Tommy crying on the other end of the line. When his voice comes back, it's calmer again.

"I know you might not listen to this, and that's okay. But if you do, can you just... send me something. Anything. So I know you're okay. That's all I'm asking for. I promise I won't try to talk before you're ready. And I'm - I'm grabbing my stuff now. I'll be gone when you get back."

One final hesitation.

"I love you, Evan."

The call ends.

Buck swipes a hand over his face and takes a deep, shuddering breath. God, what a mess. He hates Tommy, all the more for being so human, and he hates himself, because the person he hates most of all is a stranger in his DMs telling him things he never wanted to hear about his boyfriend.

That's not the whole story.

But not, 'That isn't what happened'. Is there a version of this story Buck could ever forgive? He doesn't want to think about it.

[the1975attheirverybest]

(Cabin) Pressure

A/N: This is probably unnecessary and super indulgent, lmao. I just have this impossible urge to baby him, OKAY? he's so....UGH!! anywaysssss!!! As requested by quite a few of you, here's part 2 of the flight one-shot. on a scale from 1 to absolute dumpster fire, lmk how bad it is, lol. Honestly I’m so conflicted about posting it, I might end up deleting later. AND YES SMUT COMING TONIGHT, I PROMISE. Just can't be writing smut at work in case one of my students comes to my office.

Read Part 1 here.

Warnings: mentions of anxiety, depiction of panic attack.

----

The guys hurried ahead to give her and Matty some privacy. She felt Matty's hand stiffen in hers as soon as he watched the automatic doors of the Departures Terminal open and his bandmates walk right in. He swallowed the lump in his throat, his breathing quickened.

She squeezed his hand, drawing his attention back to his body. "Hey," she looked up at him. "You're gonna be alright, yeah?"

Matty gave her a weak smile, nodding slowly. He wasn't sure he believed her. He wanted to. Desperately. But he couldn't control it. It was like his body reflexively reacted to his surroundings before his mind could step in and control how he felt. He could physically sense the tension seeping into his body, right on cue.

"Well, shall we?" he turned to her.

"No pressure. Take as long as you need. We've got time. We'll go in whenever you're ready."

"But the lads-"

"Matty, look at me...there you are. We'll catch up with them at the gate, yes? It's okay." Her free hand moved to touch his face, the sensation grounding him.

"Right, sorry, I'm being silly." he smiled timidly. "Okay, think I'm read. Let's do this."

"Lead the way."

She kept her eye on him as they made their way through the airport, watching his body for any signs of stress.

Matty stopped dead in his tracks as soon as he saw the airline counters at the end of the hall.

"Fuck! My passport! Don't think it's in my bag! I don't remember seeing it-"

"Oh, god, sorry! I- I took it." she winced and looked apologetically up at him. "Sorry, I- uh, I thought if I kept track of the tickets, paperwork, and passports it...would give you some wiggle room so you didn't have to worry about sorting that stuff out...It's all with me! I have them here..."

To her surprise, and relief, Matty burst out laughing. "I think by thinking so hard about not panicking, I'm startin' to stress myself out. Alright, deep breaths."

She watched Matty close his eyes and take two deep breaths. Inhaling slowly, then opening his eyes as he exhaled.

"Okay, I'm all good now." He smiled, genuine this time. "And, thank you, baby, that was really kind of you to do." He dipped his head down to give her a quick kiss.

She rummaged through her bag, pulling out their documents as they approached the counter. "I can do it if you'd like..."

"No, it's okay. Think I can handle this. But, umm, keep holdin' my hand?" He blushed as he heard his own words leave his lips.

"Of course. I'm right here. All the way until security physically separates us."

***

With check-in and security now behind them, they wandered the airport in search of their gate, and the rest of their group. Matty seemed to relax a little, so she took the chance to suggest breakfast.

"Hey, wanna go over there and get something to eat?" she point towards the express version of some chain restaurant.

"Too anxious to eat. Afraid I won't be able to keep anything down."

"Please, baby? the nausea's probably worse when you're operating on an empty stomach. Let me buy you a little snack? you don't have to eat it right away..." She noticed Matty's attention shift from her gentle pleading to something else, something right behind her. "What're you looking at?" she frowned at the faint smile on his face. Turning around to check what was behind her, she saw a pair of young women, roughly in their early 20s, eyeing him hesitantly and struggling to contain their excitement.

"do you mind waitin' a bit? Think I'll go over there."

"Matty, are you sure? You know you don't have to do that if you're not feeling it."

He rolled his eyes. "C'mon, my love. Put yourself in their shoes...you're tellin' me that if we bumped into, I don't know, Harry Styles, right now, you wouldn't go up to him to say hello?"

She giggled and shook her head. "I- I wouldn't expect HIM to be the one to come to ME."

"Oh, so now you're telling me that, if Harry Styles were right here, right now, you'd actually have the courage to go up to him yourself?"

She couldn't help but smile. At least, the fact that he took the opportunity to tease her about her celebrity crush was an indicator that he was in a good enough mood. "Alright, let's go say hi." She relented.

"I appreciate you watching out of me." He placed his hands on her cheeks, kissing her, and giggling against her lips bit at the sound of the girls squealing behind him before he went over to greet them.

He sweetly introduced himself as Matty and gave each woman a hug, whispering "nice to meet you, Darlin'" as he pulled them in. He signed the backs of their itineraries, agreed to FaceTime a friend, and stood for pictures with them.

"Do you wanna take it or do you want me to take it? Actually, you know what? My girlfriend, here, can take it...Babe?" He gestured for her to come closer, "do you mind?" handing her the girls' phones.

"See? That wasn't so bad, was it?" he wrapped his arm around her, pulling her closer and whispering in her ear as they walked away, waving the girls goodbye and wishing them a safe trip.

"I never said it would be bad! I was-"

"Just trying to take care of me, I know." He kissed her cheek. "But I'm okay. Really. Cuz I've got you."

***

The flight seemed off to a good start, with her and the guys taking turns at sitting with, and distracting, Matty from his thought spiral. Take off was a bit rough for a moment; he visibly broke a sweat and almost crushed her hand in his while the plane settled into altitude. She quickly brought him back the a calm enough state after that, though. They argued over which film to watch, eventually agreed to each watch their own choice, before Matty petulantly abandoned his screen and begged to watch whatever she was watching instead. This, of course, meant that she had to pause and explain the plot to him, bring him up to speed. She pretended to be annoyed with him, but secretly, she was glad for it because, the more that she actively participated in distracting him, the less likely it was that he'd let his mind wander and start overthinking.

Her plan seemed to be working, until it wasn't. 7 hours into the flight, Matty's senses were overwhelmed. He could no longer block the anxious thoughts away by steering his attention towards her, his friends, or whatever forms of entertainment were available to him. He even got out his laptop, tried to do some work to keep his mind occupied, but as time went on, his anxiety sucked more and more of his energy, until his will inevitably weakened, and he succumbed to the catastrophic thinking...

His eardrums pounded with the sound of his own heartbeat, the sounds of his surroundings being reduced to a faint, persistent whisper. He felt the air get sucked out of his lungs, panting and sweating as his eyes scanned the tight quarters. The voice inside his head screamed for him to leave the airplane, but he was aware enough to know that it was physically impossible to escape. Both sides of his brain locked in an impossible battle, the result was a near-complete paralysis. He lost the feeling in his limbs, his vision going blurry. Even breathing became a consuming conscious task. He felt like he was drowning underwater.

"M-matty? my love, what's the matter?" She was immediately alarmed when she'd glanced away from her book to check in with him. "You look like you're gonna be sick...Do you need me to call for someone?"

With great effort, Matty shook his head, looking helplessly at her.

"Talk to me, honey..."

"P-panic attack." he stuttered, short-winded and struggling to breathe.

The words brought instant tears to her eyes, and for a moment, she was overwhelmed by how quickly his pain had crushed her heart, but she wasn't about to make this about herself.

Delicately, she reached around his neck, loosing his tie. "I'm gonna take this off, okay?" explaining each of her movements as she did them so as not to startle him with anything unexpected. Matty's scattered brain was, of course, much too overwhelmed to process anything that she was saying to him, but the softness of her tone somehow made him nod anyway. She stood up, looking a few rows behind her, for George. They'd made an agreement that she would signal to him if she needed his help. Unfortunately, though, George was sound asleep, from what she could tell.

Shifting her attention back to Matty. "I'm gonna undress you, okay?"

She unbuttoned his button-down. "Honey, are you with me? need you to take off your undershirt, okay? it's much too tight."

When he made no effort to follow her instructions, she reached over and took it off for him. “Okay, I’ve got a better shirt for you in my bag. I just need to get it from the overhead bin, alright? I’ll be right back, okay?” 

Matty might as well have been asleep; he made no movement or attempt to acknowledge her, which broke her heart to a million pieces. 

She hurried over to George’s seat kicking it roughly to wake him up. 

“He needs you.” She simply stated as soon as she saw George’s eyes flutter open. 

George cleared his throat several times. “R-right. I’m up; I’m up. I promise.” He stood up, peaking ahead of him to wear Matty was seated. “He’s…naked?” 

She rolled her eyes. “Obviously, I’m getting him clothes. But I need you, you gentle giant. Help me get my bag before you sit with him? Just need to get his stuff…”

George sprung into action, following her commands swiftly while she went through her bag to find a 1975 crew neck that was two sizes too big on Matty, and a pair of his joggers. She’d packed them when he insisted on wearing his shirt and tie to the airport, hoping she’d use them under happier circumstances, but right now, she was just glad she’d thought ahead. She went over to the flight attendant and grabbed him some water to go along with the sleeping pills. 

By the time that she’d made it back to their seats George, had somehow talked Matty into reclining his seat, closing his eyes, and apparently leant  him some headphones. “What- how-“

George, ever the wizard, just shrugged. “It’s all I could think of, alright?”

She broke into a smile, kissing her friend’s balding head. “You’re an Angel, George.”

“Hmm.” George hummed, smirking. “Listen, I’ll go get a coffee to wake myself up. Give me a shout if you need me, yeah?”

***

Matty got through the reminder of the flight relatively alright. While he didn't manage to fall asleep, despite the sleeping pills she'd given him, nor did he manage to eat any real meals, the first class reclining chairs were comfortable enough for him to close his eyes and focus on an audio book for a couple of hours, and he did nibble on a piece of buttered toast while wrapped himself up in the blanket she'd bought him and shuffling through her especially curated playlist. The anxiety never completely left him, but he was happy to endure a lower-level persistent anxiousness instead of the sudden panic attack that had gripped him earlier.

At long last, they'd touched down and began their journey out of the airport. Matty always wondered if the arrivals terminal is universally more difficult to get through, or if his impatience to finally be done with the travel part always made it seem so, regardless of where in the world he'd found himself.

At baggage claim, the stress of the journey seemed to catch up to him. He wrapped his armed around her waist, burying his face into the side of her neck and breathing in her scent. Just when he'd closed his eyes, hoping to catch a breath while they waited for the couple of items that they could neither ship ahead of time, nor bring in their carry-ons, to appear on the carousel, he became aware of a couple of people catching on to his presence.

"No, Matty, please." her hand grabbed onto his arm around her waist when she felt him slip away from her, getting ready to greet the fans.

"It's fine, Darlin'" his voice was heavy with sleep, as were his eyes.

She sighed, this time, she couldn't be supportive of his decision. As she spotted his guitar and got ready to retrieve it, she overheard him apologize to a few people for "looking sweaty" and mumbling something about jet lag. Ross stepped in to help her with the bag, listening silently and nodding in agreement as she whispered her complaints about Matty's lack of boundaries. If she'd let him get a word in edgewise, he'd have said "you should've seen him when our career first started, he was acting like he was every fan's best mate." George joined Matty for a moment, saying a quick hello to everyone before politely excusing himself and pulling his friend away. "We've gotta go, Matty, c'mon."

Though George had succeeded in extracting Matty away, his victory was short-lived. At the airport gates, the guys were surprised to find a group of more than just a handful of fans waiting for them. Phone cameras flashed as soon as the gates opened, the crowd calling out and vying for the band's attention.

Adam was the first to jump into their designated car as it pulled up by the side of the building. Ross and George followed shortly behind him. Matty, on the other hand, was quickly separated from them when he paused momentarily, slightly thrown off, by the presence of people on both sides of the gates.

She rushed over to him, taking his hand and pulling him towards the car. For a moment, Matty let her lead the way, trailing behind her with a hand on her hip to keep from losing her. He kept his head down, but closer he got to the crowd, the louder they were, and the faster his heart beat. His palms were beginning to sweat and breathing was getting difficult again. A voice in the back of his head told him to stop, to take a look around and stop staring at his feet, and when he did, he saw the faces of the people looking at him and he couldn't help it. He let go of her hand, walking over to one group, while the other screamed out his name.

She attempted to call out his name, but her voice was drowned out by the phones beeping, cameras flashing, and excited chatter. She stood there, astounded as he smiled and hugged a few people, apologizing that he couldn't sign someone's phone case because he didn't have a pen on him.

He turned around to the second group, "I promise, I'll get to all of you if we don't cause too much trouble and security doesn't get involved. could we...maybe just move away from the gates?"

She sighed, exasperated by the lengths he was going to. He was practically behaving like a event organizer, ushering people away from the rest of the public.

As well intentioned as his plan was, it did not work out quite as he’d imagined. the moment that he moved people away from the airport gates, everyone naturally formed a circle around him, a few people elbowing their way to the front. He was trapped.

Matty froze in place, fighting to keep his expression straight and suppress the fight or flight response that had kicked in. What had he done? The illusion that he had any control at all over the situation was quickly blown away. She could see his hands shaking by the sides of his body as he struggled to regulate his breathing. She couldn’t take it anymore.

She squeezed her way past an appreciable number of people, trying to get to Matty. “Excuse me, yeah, could I just- get through. Thanks.” She grabbed his hand. “Hey, you,” and leaned into his ear “Matty, whatever you think you’re doing, it’s not smart. Let’s leave.”

“Just a second. Almost done.” He whispered, fully aware that there was no way people weren’t listening to their conversation.

“You’re not feeling well, let’s get in the car, please?”

“A few more people-“ she pulled him by the arm dragging him away from people and towards the car. Matty waved apologetically at groaning people who were mumbling how unfair this was, dipping his head low and rushing to keep up with  her. 

The chatter between the guys in the car fell silent as she and Matty climbed in. They settled into the backseat with Matty instantly clinging to her and resting his head on her chest as the car drove away. Her hands reflexively found his hair, running her fingers through it and kissing his forehead.

“Baby? Could I just say something?” Matty spoke, finally breaking the dead silence, once they’d made it onto the highway. 

“I don’t wanna hear it.” She said firmly.

Ross and Adam exchanged a look of surprise. Clearly impressed with, and in support of, her new tone.

Matty lifted his head halfway off of her looking up at her. “But I’d just like to explain-“

“I said I don’t wanna hear it. Can we not talk about it right now?”

He replaced his head back on her body, her hands resuming their soothing motions through his hair. “Can tell you’re angry.” He mumbled. 

“No shit! Of course I’m angry.” He heard her heartbeat rise as she spoke. Her hands still comforting him though her tone was definitely sharp. 

“I just wanna-“

“I said I don’t want to have this conversation right now, and yet, you keep fuckin’ pushing. Look, I know you love your fans. You’re grateful. And, honestly, it is one of the greatest joys of my life watching you interact with them. The knowledge that you can be so tender and compassionate- not just with me me, not with your family, the boys, your friends- but with complete strangers as well…that’s what makes you a man in my eyes. So, trust me, Matty, I don’t say this lightly, but you have absolutely no boundaries. You’re a pushover!”

Matty was quiet for a moment, taking in the gravity of her words. “Okay, I can see why you’d think that.” he opened his eyes, looking up her through his hair. “But could I just explain my side of things?”

“There is no ‘your side’! You are mentally and physically exhausted. Matty- you were literally shaking. And, this wasn’t a professional event! This wasn’t a signing or a meet-and-greet!”

“That’s exactly why l-“

“My point is, it wasn’t safe! What if someone’d gotten hurt? What if you’d gotten hurt? There was no security to control the situation. Nobody to help or be held accountable! There’s a reason everyone else was sitting in this car, and not out there with you.”

“I get it.” Matty conceded.

“We were all bending over backwards to make sure you’re okay, then you go and willingly put yourself in a stressful situation that would trigger you. I mean,” she shook her head, speechless. 

“I just- I’m sorry.”

“I know. Let’s just not talk about it anymore. Alright?”

Matty’s arms squeezed around her waist as he nuzzled his face deeper into her chest, kissing her skin in a silent apology.

The car fell into another silent lull, until, several minutes later, George peaked his head from the passengers seat and told her and Matty not to check Twitter. 

“Oh, god. What’d you have to say that for? You know Matty’s gonna wanna see it now!” Adam groaned, chastising George. 

“What?” George shrugged. “I said ‘whatever you do, don’t check Twitter,’ I didn’t say to hurry up and check it.”

“I’ve literally been biting my tongue this whole ride.”

Matty, who’d been  half asleep in her arms, pulled out his phone, blinking rapidly to adjust to the light of the screen. 

Just as he’d suspected, photos of him being dragged away from adoring fans were already circulating the internet. All captioned with dramatic out of context narratives. 

“Matty Healy and gf argue in the middle of airport parking lot”

“1975 front man  physically dragged away from fans by possessive gf.”

Comments embellished the description using every colorful name in the book. From “jealous” and “immature” to “frigid witch.”

Matty set his phone down, neither one of them said anything. They spent the remainder of their ride to the hotel in silence. 

***

“How’re you feeling?” She emerged out of the bathroom, walking over to Matty’s slumped over figure on the bed. 

“I’m sleepy, and hungry, and tired, and I smell like airplane.” He mumbled. “I’m also sad.”

“Why’re you sad?” She bent down to kiss his nose. 

“Cuz you’re mad at me. You don’t seem to understand- the fans…they’re like the most important thing. Unless I’m physically tied down, I will always go out there and meet them. Never gonna be dismissive. Never gonna make them feel like they don’t matter to me.” Matty sat up in bed, taking her hands in his, and pulling her closer to him. “You can’t put out the kind of music that I put out, and then pretend not to want anything to do with the people who listen to it.” She nodded, attempting to signal that she was on his side. “There are ways of saying ‘sorry, not today guys.’ Without being dismissive or rude.”

“I hope you know, that’s never gonna be me. I’d never say that to them. It’s just not who I am.”

“I know. I don’t expect you to suddenly change. I just hope you don’t expect me to either. Cuz I’m still gonna worry about you and try to protect you when you’re in over your head.”

Matty smiled at her with droopy eyes. “Deal.” He kissed her lips. 

“Sorry they’re saying mean shit online.”

“Are you kidding me? I’ve wanted to be a witch since I was a little girl!” She giggled. “Now, c’mon. I ran us a bath.”

“Wait…us? Like you AND me?”

***

“You had a really rough day today, huh?” She whispered as she snuggled into him, getting comfortable in their hotel bed. 

Matty turned on his side to face her, the smell of her freshly washed hair calming his mind. “Couldn’t have gotten through it without you.” He kissed her cheek. “Thank you.”

“Of course, baby.”

“Could we just…stay here, in this bed, for ever. Just you and me. Where it’s safe, soft, quiet.”

“Sounds like a great idea. Yeah, let’s do that.”

[limeade-l3sbian]

Sorry, this is probably a heavy thing to put on, feel free to delete if this is too much for you to handle, I promise it won't upset me. I'm really considering suicide. I have a lot going on in my personal life and now that my eyes have been opened to how much the world hates women I find it difficult to cope. I truly don't know how to navigate the world knowing half the population wants to cut me up, use my reproductive organs, rape me, kill me, slather me in makeup, mutilate me, beat me, degrade and humiliate me just for being female. I can't trust or make friends anymore. I feel hopeless. Idk what I expect you to say, I just need to get this out and know that at least one person sees it and understands.

I don't know how helpful this will be, but I hope you know that I've been feeling the same way as well. It's part of why I haven't really been super active lately. I've been going through it as well, so I at the very least, hope you don't think you're alone.

This is a very shitty world and we are in this strange limbo right now of things either staying shit or getting shittier. And it's important to me that I don't give you advice that wouldn't personally help me. I think the best advice I can give you is this:

You're not going crazy. This hopelessness you feel is happening in record numbers. And your feelings about all this are completely valid. I hate that they're valid. I wish I could tell you, "But why do you think that's what's happening?" I wish i could be indignant and suggest that perhaps you were just looking too deeply into nothing. But you're not, and that's the biggest curse in being aware of the world around you.

I don't have the perfect answer for you. I wish I could write three paragraphs worth of inspiration and you hit me up two minutes later and tell me that after reading all that, now you want to conquer the world and nothing was going to stand in your way. I don't even have the perfect answer for myself.

I guess the best answer I can give you is that if you left, the world would just be a little more shittier. It would have just a little less sparkle to it that it is already sparse on. Someone's life (including mine, now that I know you exist), will dim in its quality if you were to do it. That hope that everyone grabs onto will lose just a little more grip without you. The world itself would shift in a way that isn't perceivably to you or me.

And that's not to say that you would be selfish to do it. An argument that I absolutely hate. But life would just go from 480p to 360p.

You should stay because what you are contemplating is going to come anyway. I have a post somewhere on here where i talk about how if you are suicidal, the best way to go about doing it is to live. Go out and live more than you ever have. That's when most people die. When they are out living and something out of their control happens. I would rather you die while ziplining with friends than crying and alone in a bathroom.

This sounds harsh, but I would rather all of this than give you some bullshit, "Oh, it's okay, sweetie. Have you talked to anyone? What about therapy? Did you do breathing exercises?"

You should go out and live, anon. And that doesn't even mean spend money. A full life isn't inevitable, but death is.

[writingintheshadowsforever]

Hi Let Me Explain

Quick Note: This might be a long post so I don't blame anyone who doesn't read the whole thing. This is an explanation, an apology, and an update all in one.

Hi everyone I'm back this time for real. I won't make any promises to posting three to four times a week. I won't make any promises on what series or request will be updated first. I will reassure all of you than none of my series or requests are forgotten about. I have them saved somewhere and plan on finishing them. The plan here is to take it one day at a time. One fic at a time. As I start my journey to finding the joy in writing again.

You see I've been doing a lot of self reflection these past couple of weeks. I've been at war with myself on rather or not to let a dream go. That dream to become this big time bestselling author one day. I didn't want to admit that dream which has always been my biggest dream since like high school was doing more harm than good. The dream of being a published writer is destroying my love for writing. So I need to let it go before I find myself hating writing altogether.

Its never easy to walk away or let go of your dreams especially for creatives. I sort of feel like its harder for any type of artist in whatever field to admit that they want to move onto something else. Because we grow up having to listen to parents and teachers telling us. Its not a plausible goal and to pick a safer path or at least have a backup goal. And most of us decide right then and there no matter what we're going to prove all those people wrong. No matter what obstacles we have to face, how many times we fail, or how long it takes. We are determined to find success with our craft and make them eat those words.

Some of us refuse to even consider another interest or path. Some of us put all our eggs in one basket. Some of us let our craft become our entire identity meaning. Later on if we want to walk away or maybe just put on the back burner for a while. Its like losing who you are as a person. You feel like you've failed yourself and at life for letting go. I say letting go and not giving up because I will never give up on writing or more specifically storytelling.

Storytelling made me the person I am today. I wouldn't be here today without my love for storytelling. It got me out of some dark places as a kid and still does today. Storytelling is the only real magic in this world.

As a writer who feel like the heart of storytelling is dying because of capitalism. I can't let it go. I can't let my love for it die which is why for now I have to let the dream go. It doesn't mean my dream still won't come true one day. And its not like becoming a bestselling author is my only dream. I have other dreams that have take the backseat, and I think its time to move them to the front seat.

For now on I write for the joy of it. I write to get those stories out of me. When it comes to my writing I don't ever want it to be about money or fame. Starting now I'm going to stop stressing over traditional publishing and rather or not I'll ever be good enough.

I'm sorry everyone for being gone so long. For a while a part of me started to contemplate giving up on writing altogether and even deleting this account. I was starting to hate writing because I was so stressed trying to figure out how to achieve success as a professional writer.

I once had a stranger who I didn't know at all tell me that one day I was going to be a great writer. Never met or talked to this guy a day in my life. I felt like it was a sign from God, the universe or whatever you believe in. Either way it was some divine intervention moment letting me know I was one day destined for a long and great career as a professional writer. But do you have to be a professional writer to be a great writer? Is it the same thing? Can someone be great at something but never find traditional success? Those are the questions that have been running my head every time I thought about letting go. I still going to struggle with those questions, but I hope one day I find the answer. What makes a great writer?

After going through my old fics the ones I'm going to get started on are:

Queen Ramonda x Reader Enemies to Lover

Part 2 to being Namor's daughter and choosing Wakanda over Talokan

Steal Your Heart

Not Who You Think I Am

New Marvel Stuff

New Addition

My Hero Academia imagines because its my new anime obsession

[takami-takami]

Fuck if I know how to tag this lmao. I am safe!

Don't worry about this! I am simply doing an exercise in being open and honest like a journal, so do not feel obligated in any which way whatsoever to read or not read this or anything of any sort. 👍

I want to write coherent stories like the comforts i used to write. I wish I could. I want so desperately to be able to. I remember how it helped me. I'm sorry for editing this post.

But i picture the setting, and describing it. How am I supposed to write a comfort now in which the walls aren't melting? In which there are no analogies? It's all analogies. I don't know, I'm trying really hard to make this post make sense and maybe I can clarify it later.

But. I try writing about sitting on a couch, and the couch is so painfully, achingly red. It is velvet with gold tassels and as I say this, I remember my (I shouldn't be editing this. Do not touch this. Do not touch this. Why did you correct the typo.) grandmother's throw pillows looked like that. I traced a child's fingertip along the divots, I remember, royal patterns in gold, an ancient trinket bought from dusty flea markets by my grandmother. Eyes open, laid back, on days I was able to go to the living room, rare days.

And the more I look at it, I see that the analogies aren't analogous at all. They're secrets, woven in how my fingers type automatically and even this is difficult. I hope you understand how much care I am placing into you (scratch back, delete into you. Another analogous trigger reflecting something deep. What I meant to say was how hard I am trying to type what I "mean" rather than what comes natural.)

What I am trying to say is. I can write, it just won't make sense. I won't write. I can't stay focused on the topic, which I recognize is because in states like this I am unable to detach from the malignant mass that sustains me and my lucidity regarding trauma. Like, those masses that tree trunks get. If you tethered a child to it, and connected them to it via wires like the matrix.

I promise I am not trying to sound cryptic on purpose. I just literally cannot write anything at all right now. I don't really feel tethered to characters anyway.

I tried reading one of my fics I wrote and my eyes glazed over and none of the contents existed unfortunately. So I tried writing another one and it didn't work out, it just ended up like This clusterfuck of a post (I am masking! Look at me trying to appear clear and to my "actual" point!).

Anyway. I'm traumatized. This happens whenever I get retraumatized. Don't worry about it. I was going to say my brain is like an egg salad before remembering you don't fry the eggs for an egg salad, so.

This is the closest i can get. You can fill in the blank, if you'd like.

[graylinesspam]

Okay, there's been a lot of hot topic discussions about participating in fandom and the rules and expectations there in. Great discussions, I am loving the active shift to move back to a more traditional fandom etiquette. Being kinder, more supportive, more encouraging, ect, of creators is great. BUT lets be honest. It's not always easy. One of the biggest challenges we are facing right now is an environmental one. The worlds on fucking fire, we're all exhausted and scared and using our fandoms as escapism from everything else. That still doesn't give anyone the right to become entitled to fandom made media or to behave poorly in those spaces. But the tired and well meaning consumers of fandom who are just too burnt out to do much more than doomscroll are probably wondering how they can help to create a better environment without putting themselves out. I say this as someone who has been there, is there, and will be there again.

Structuring your fandom engagement can be immensely helpful for the fandom and your enjoyment of it. If you are suffering in any way and are just too exhausted to even think enough words to leave a comment on a fic. If your running on fumes and using a constant flow of fics, edits, ect to keep going. But you genuinely don't have the time to stop and engage with the media. If you are suffering from social anxiety and it's just too much to even try to shout into the void. Then this is my advice for you. Put it off.

Seriously.

As a fic writer myself I know how much writers sit on ao3 refreshing and waiting for hits and comments. I know how much I love receiving notifs on here for headcannon posts. And it is absolutely fact that creators must be interacted with and encouraged to make more content. But it is equally true that the media they make is meant to be enjoyed for the long term, not just the moment it comes out. And there are ways you can accommodate yourself.

starting with the things it doesn't actually take effort to do. The things you really should be doing right away. Like posts. leave kudos. use repost and reblog features of whatever platform you are using.

I know that in the past I have been held back from reblogging a post because I know that I will have thoughts on it. So I want to put it off until i have the time to get to it. But the truth of it is that there is no actual reason not to give the creator an empty reblog once or even more than once. Notifications feel good. The only thing that's discouraging you is that little social anxiety voice. I promise you it isn't embarrassing to reblog something more than once.

Creators won't think anything negative about you for doing so. If it's as easy as pushing a button. DO IT. Push the damn button.

And this goes well beyond just posted works too. If there's a discord chat you don't have the energy to way in on but your enjoying reading. Hit them with a reaction. If there's a post in the making with multiple creators discussing something, reblog it. Engage, hit that button baby

Now for the less demanding tasks, You feeling demand avoidant to engagement. You feeling nonverbal to a mental degree. Head empty no words? BUT your absolutely digging the content your consuming? Great. You can literally save it for later. Your allowed. If you need some kind of authoritative permission to be late to things, This is me granting it to you. There is no such equivalent to liking an old Instagram post (or whatever it is the youths stress about socially). You want to say something in the notes of a post you liked? there's a fun feature of this here blog site that lets you save posts as drafts. You would not believe the amount of drafts that I have saved. Some are years old. Some are kept as permanent references for other works that I come back to.

Your ever find yourself adding to a post just to lose steam half way through? don't delete that response. Save to draft.

You want to leave something nice in the notes of some fan art but can't for the life of you think any words? (There's always emojis) save to drafts. Come back to it later when you feel more up to it.

You're allowed to put thing off. You are not obligated to jump at all fandom engagement as tax for being in the fandom.

Now, that being said, you should still actually come back to that saved content. You want to know a secret about me? I am terrible at leaving comments.

I know as a fic write, I should be better at it, but I'm just not. I came to conclusion very quickly that feeling guilty about that only made me do it less. Less engagement is not the answer. So here are some easily employable tips for being better at leaving comments.

#1 don't...I mean, don't worry about it right away. You just finished a fic, you feel like you should leave a comment in appreciation. You are allowed to wait.

Personally I use my reading history on ao3 to keep track of my reading. I rarely leave a comment after having just finished a fic. Usually I wait for a good mental health day, (or a day where I have to urge to write but my brain won't let me actually work on a fic) and I go through my history and leave comments on all the fics I've read since the last time I did this. I usually do this between every month and every other month.

I gave this advice to a friend of mine a couple years ago and she has decided to make a personal tag in her bookmarks that she uses to keep track of fics she plans on commenting on later.

I have also personally used the PRIVATE bookmark feature as a way to take notes on fics while reading them so I remember what I wanted to comment on later. Since these notes are nearly ineligible to anyone but me. And since they're invisable to the author, this feels private and organized enough for my brain to handle.

I find that this method not only make me feel good for spreading joy across the fandom in bursts but also sometimes lets me make more well thought out and articulate comments. It also allows me to go back and leave a comment on each chapter of a long fic with my thoughts, without disrupting my rhythm during reading. Which we know authors love getting a stream of new comments, so there's no need to feel bad about it.

#2 But wait, maybe you do want to leave a comment right away but don't have the words. Then you can leave an emoji or keyboard smash and just come back later to leave a better comment. Fun fact, you can, should, and are encouraged to leave multiple comments on the same fic/post. You are more than welcome to leave a string of emojis now and come back later. I personally just went back to a fic I read almost seven years ago just to leave a better comment. And while it's awesome to reread fics when you do this. You don't have to. I didn't this time. I just found myself thinking about the fic in question and wanted to say something that, at the time of reading, i just wasn't mature or educated enough to have put into words.

#3 Or maybe you just won't ever have the words to say exactly what you want. That's okay too. Sometimes concepts are just too big to get from you brain to your mouth. I hate it when it happens to me. And in the past it has felt very discouraging. But I promise you it's okay. There are about a million posts on this site giving you advice on how to word your comments so I won't use too much space up on that, but i will say, It's okay if all you can manage is an ok comment. Fanfiction comments are not something you need to have a good grade in. You are allowed to be dry. You are allowed to just say "I liked__ and __ and the way that you___", without elaborating. You do not have to explain yourself and all your thoughts in a comment. A compliment as simple as "I love the way you write." Is perfectly fine.

#4 Head empty, only blorbo? telling people you love the trope they're writing, or a headcannon you like about the character that they included is great to. Or something included in a drawing. As fun as it is to receive an annotated analysis on something, it's actually not mandatory for you to talk to someone about their actual writing or drawing skills. Sometimes all your brain wants is to think about the character or the headcannon or the scenario. And that's ok. Clearly the creator wants to as well, if they wrote about it.

The core of all of this advice is not to put too much pressure on yourself. Fandom is being consumed too fast and left behind to quickly. It's okay to take your time with things, Yes even if you also find yourself chasing the dopamine. You can like the latest trendy fandom, and also use any of the above methods to keep track of the whirlwind of content your eating through, and come back to it later. You can also use que features to space out your reblogs of some fandom content to spread out the appreciation.

If you are for some reason embarrassed to blow through someone's blog or fics, use the que feature. Making comments in a private bookmark and then add them to the fic later.

You are allowed to take things at your own pace. Fandom isn't just for right now. It's for the long term, but only if you continue to engage with it.

[keldjinfae]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers! Spread the self-love 💞

Okay, so first off, thanks to @dear-massacre for this one. I got to filter through a lot of things I wrote for other fandoms besides Teen Wolf, and while I won't be sharing them (purely because most of them fell victim to the Great Strikethrough Purge, and the "clean" versions I have up on the Pit that is fanfiction.net are... frankly, things I would delete if I could remember what the hell my log-in is), I did remember one I co-wrote with a friend of mine over a decade ago. And neither of us remembers how to log into that old account we created solely for the purpose of writing something together (let me just say, AO3 allowing for co-creators is a fucking godsend), so the link for that one will have to direct you there instead of AO3. I may be able to update this with an AO3 link, provided @caseyvalhalla (said cowriter) is able to find a full version of the fic in their backup drive (which would be outstanding, seeing as how my copy of the fic was lost at some point about three or four PCs/laptops ago).

I also left WIPs out of this list because I feel like that might be too cruel of a tease, seeing as how I haven't updated them since about 2011.

Freaks and Fools is a Halloween-themed fic that Casey and I brainstormed together in about two hours after the initial joke of mashing up Kingdom Hearts and Peanuts. One of us said "Axel is Snoopy, sleeping out on the lawn," and it suddenly turned into him also being Johnny from The Outsiders; what followed was a feverish brainstorming session of determining the perfect way to balance drama and humor. Then we wrote and edited the whole damn thing over the course of three coffee-laden weekends.

I'm Not Asking Questions, I'm Taking My Chances is the first fic I wrote for the Sterek Reverse Bang. I'd previously written a fic for the Sterek Reverse Quickie, and it was my very first Teen Wolf fic, period, while I fucked around and found out if I'd be able to write for the fandom. Turns out, I could. The minimum word count for the RB was 5k, so naturally I wrote something up in the 80k range because I have zero chill.

It's a fantasy AU that very loosely (seriously, so loose that you definitely don't want to be relying on this fic to catch you in a trustfall exercise) incorporates themes from the Merlin series. Writing it helped teach me how to better plan out scenes, in terms of "do I really need to write out this whole scene independently or could I just incorporate it briefly into this already-existing one?" It also gave me better practice at determining when I was going to have to let scenes go altogether, maybe with the notion that I might write them someday and add them on later.

You Gotta Promise Not to Stop When I Say When is a fic I wrote for the Sterek Reverse Quickie, during which I was paired up with the same artist who I'd written for during my very first RQ. She wanted comfort, made a moodboard about it (sadly, Discord stopped image hosting so the links to all of her previous artwork are all broken), and I decided I wanted to write comfort as well. I gave her two choices (Derek takes Stiles's pain, or Stiles is a vampire sharing a house with Derek, and both of them accuse the other of being a squatter--it's a long, stupid story that has gone off the rails in a meme prompt thread on Discord), and went with the one that both of us could sink into.

This one is probably my absolute favorite because I literally just wrote what I know. Stiles is disabled, Derek helps him cope with it. I can't really sell it any better than that, other than to say that I wrote my own personal experiences, but Sterekified.

We're Floating in the Moonlit Sky is a Sterek fic I wrote for a little something called the 1000 Cakes Challenge, which provided the writer and artist participants with a word, an action, and a setting, and had us all spin our own take on them. The word was "kumquat," the action was "pursuit" or "sleepwalk" (I incorporated both--again, zero chill), and the setting was a gorgeous painting of a snowy forest that one of the moderators made herself just for the challenge. Initially, I wasn't even going to participate because I'd literally just finished writing my latest Sterek RB fic and thought I was burned out. Then an idea smacked me in the face right as I was falling asleep.

I love this one because it's more or less just me allowing myself some pure self-indulgence. There's some angst, there's some drama, but most of it is just seeing how many Christmas carol references I can squeeze in as puns. Stiles is half-elf and half-frost sprite, Derek is still a werewolf, Peter is Krampus (thanks to @ice-mage, because "of course Peter is Krampus"), and Noah is Santa Claus.

My Echo, My Shadow, and Me is the Sterek Reverse Bang fic I wrote before I got started on Floating. I somehow managed to write 100k+ words in a bit under four months, and satisfied my desire to write a season 3a "fix-it" (of sorts--more like a revision) in the process. I don't know if the experience would be the same for @nerdherderette, who wound up beta-reading "the Beast in Blue" in the course of about 20 hours, but it was damn satisfying to write.

Essentially, all of season 3a still happens, but Jackson never leaves and Cora never arrives. I wanted to explore everyone's strengths and flaws, and I wanted to write an alternate take on the nogitsune without having to rewrite 3b as well.

[thesweetnessofspring]

A chapter from the OG Roses and Pearls

My revised version of Roses and Pearls is shaping up to be pretty different from the original, now-deleted 2012/13 version. A major plot point of the Capitol bombing D13 in particular was very different and I thought it would be fun to share the original here.

Some VERY key differences: Peeta hadn't yet completely switched over to the rebellion, and he and Rosalia are still together. I'd changed a lot of the events around, so it came out very different!

Below the cut is the original chapter from Roses and Pearls, unedited and unchanged from how it was written 11 years ago.

Within hours, the attacks start.

Although Katniss promises me no one will get hurt as long as they stay in the shelter, I can't believe it. The walls tremble and vibrations shiver up into my core. I sit handcuffed on the floor of the Everdeen's tent, sick and worried.

"I can't believe she did this," I whisper.

"Really? You can't believe it?" Katniss frowns.

Would I have done this weeks and weeks ago, before I found out the truth, before I became friends with these people here? Yes. I would have. Rosalia still sees Thirteen as the enemy, the way I saw it when I first came here. She thought this would save her, set right what went awry that night on the rooftop garden.

"I guess…I guess I can believe it."

The walls rumble with the impact of another bomb.

"You sure picked a real winner, Peeta." Katniss draws her knees up to her chest and continues scowling.

"She's not…she's—"

"Are you defending her?"

"I'm not approving of what she did, but she's not a mutt like you're trying to make her out to be."

She makes a disgusted sound from deep in her throat. "Not a mutt? She has mutt in her blood from her grandfather, from the Capitol. And she proved that she has it by letting them know about us!"

"She's a prisoner! She's scared! She's been taken from her home, her life turned upside down, and she wants to go back to the way things were before. That's why she told them about us. Don't act like you wouldn't do the same if the Capitol captured you."

Katniss stiffens. "No, I wouldn't. Because the Capitol would brainwash me before I even got the chance, and they'd make me believe in things I didn't."

Her words sting like a slap on the face. She thinks I'm still a puppet for the Capitol. And why would she think any differently? I'm still handcuffed as a prisoner and defending Rosalia. I haven't told her that I remember anything about the past, even the slightest recognition that I loved her.

"I'm not saying what she did was right. I'm just trying to look at it from her shoes. If I thought it was right, I never would have warned you."

She drops her gaze from mine and runs her fingers over the metal floor. I sigh. It feels like we'll never be able to understand each other about this.

"Do you want to go to bed soon?" she asks. "I can make up your bed."

I shake my head. "I won't be able to sleep through the attack."

"Me either."

"Stay with me?" I ask her.

She jerks her head up at me, eyes round. "You remember?"

"Remember what?" I have no idea, but suddenly, I wish I did.

She droops again. "Never mind."

The bombs continue through the night. President White issues one week in the shelter, allowing for the debris to cool and the Capitol to believe we didn't survive the bombs. After that, we'll head out for refuge.

When the bombs cease, I sleep for the first time in over twenty-four hours, so exhausted I probably could sleep through another attack.

I wake up a few hours later, not ready to get out of bed and deal with our situation. I keep my eyes closed, but I notice two people talking in the Everdeens' area. Katniss and Gale.

"Eleven will be able to get us food once we get to Twelve," Gale says.

"The Capitol will try to rein them in first, though. They'll die without Eleven supplying them," Katniss says.

"They're not stupid. Ever since you won and the small rebellions started, the Capitol has stocked up on food. They have a year's worth of it. Not exactly the extent of Thirteen's planning, but still good considering."

"I can't imagine those precious Capitol people eating canned food." Katniss's tone leaks acid.

"Woah, I thought I'm the one who gets to rag on the rich people, while you remind me of your precious prep team and that Effie woman."

"Just because there are some good but confused people in the Capitol doesn't mean they won't complain about their food. And not all of them are so great, either."

I count two breaths.

"What?" Katniss asks.

"You really hate Rosalia Snow."

"Don't you?"

"Yeah, but I think our reasons are probably different."

"Gale, she blew our cover, almost got us killed."

"Besides One and Two, all of the rebellions succeeded and none of us are dead. And anyway, did you expect anything else from her? She's an idiot."

"I don't trust her, and I don't think she's completely an idiot. Peeta…he acts like he's still in love with her, defending what she did. What did she do to him to make him think like that? Why would he love her, even after all of this?"

Did I still love her? A little, I guess. A small piece of me held onto what she'd been to me before, a refuge for the loneliness and pain, someone to make me forget about it all. But we'd grown to apart now, our goals too dissimilar.

"She is beautiful," Gale says. After a moment, he continues, "Well, she is. If you get past her freaky hair, she has a great body, and her face isn't too bad either. Huge lips and big eyes."

"But after everything she did. She can't be that beautiful."

"Look, I can tell you more about what I know as far as the rebellion goes, or we can keep going on about your hatred and Peeta's love for this girl."

"Fine. What else is important?"

"Like I said before, One and Two are still firm in the Capitol's hold. They're sending out back-ups to the other districts from them, because we never had a strong hold of the rebellion there, anyway."

"But Lyme knows Two," Katniss says.

"She does, which is why we had to break her out of the Capitol. Still, she can't do it alone."

"One shouldn't be hard to break, should it?"

"They've been taking up more kids to train as Careers. They practically have their own army now."

"We have all but those two districts. We're going to win, aren't we?"

"We should," Gale says. "But Two will be difficult to crack, and without doing so, we'll never be able to get to the Capitol. They could reassemble and take back the districts again. Just because we're winning now doesn't mean we will be in a few months."

"We've been going so long with this. I just want it to be over."

"I know."

Gale's voice is so understanding, even nurturing, that I can't lay down low anymore. I open my eyes and sit up in bed. Katniss and Gale sit a foot apart, not touching. I rub my eyes, remembering that Gale's married and Katniss told me she didn't love him more than a friend. I shouldn't worry about them.

But I still do, a little bit.

"Good morning. Or afternoon. Nighttime?" I say, uncertain here underground and without my schedule what time it is.

Gale checks his watch. "Afternoon."

"Here, I'll get you some food," Katniss says, standing up to get it.

While I eat, Katniss and Gale don't say anything else to each other, probably because I'm not supposed to know much, in case I spill their secrets to the Capitol in some way.

There's not much to do in the shelter. Most people wander around, visit other people. Delly comes to see us, her cheeks a little flushed.

"I did it," she says once she sits down, but still straight with excitement. "I told Bron how I felt."

"And…?"

She smiles and lets out a giggle. "He kissed me."

I have to admit, I'm shocked. Bron had seemed so distant, I didn't expect him to react so immediately to Delly's declaration. I grin, though, at seeing Delly finally getting what she's deserved for so long.

"What did he say?" I ask.

"That he's liked me for a long time, but he didn't say anything because he knew the war would be happening, and if he died or got hurt, he didn't want me to hurt, either. But once I let him know I was already crazy about him…well, why not enjoy what we have now, right?"

"I told you to just tell him."

Delly nods. "I think it was the bombs that really made me do it. We all might die any day now. Might as well live while we can."

Other people come to visit, mostly for Katniss and Prim. Quite a few young men come for Prim, actually. They all pay her close attention, but most of the time her answers are polite, and not interested. Katniss keeps a close eye on those boys and looms into their conversations to intimidate them. I think she might be doing it to help out Prim, but the way she glares at those boys might prove she has a different motive.

After the fourth day, Katniss asks me, with a sour look on her face, if I want to see Rosalia.

"No," I say. "I'm not ready."

And I'm not. I know what I'm going to do when I see her next. I'm going to take back the ring, once and for all. Not because of Katniss. I still doubt Katniss cares for me more than she cares for Gale. I'm going to break up with her because it's what the both of us need. I don't love her enough anymore. And if she lives through this war, she deserves for someone to love her like I used to. But I'm not relishing going to her and telling her we're done, watching her heart break in front of me and her sobbing. She'll get over me, although it might take a while. And she will find someone else to love her and marry her.

As I fall asleep that night with Katniss's pallet beside mine, I wonder if I'll ever stop loving Katniss like I've stopped loving Rosalia. If I'll move on and fall in love with someone else. Or will my childhood dream always follow me, always come back to me, no matter what brainwashing it goes through?

There, on the border of day and night, I realize what Katniss thought I remembered.

"Always."

This, my whole romantic life, has been made up of two things. Roses and pearls.

Rosalia's love had been a sudden bloom in my life, fragrant and entrancing. A beautiful sight to brighten up a gloomy day. But like all flowers, hers wilted, lost its scent, and died. A brief love affair, considering the whole of my life.

But Katniss was no rose. My love for her started out small, a few speckles of sand. Irritating, a little, with my frustration of being unable to talk to her and her closed nature. But still, I rubbed at it like an oyster. And through it all, the bread, the Games, even this hellhole in Thirteen, my love had transformed into the pearl. Beautiful, rare, and lasting.

Something I'll always treasure.