#can't get enough of joker's heels

[unfortunately-i-love-it]

yeah so uh, Shadow Joker eh? 

this whole thing started with me thinking about a PhantomThief!Mishima, and then i started drawing stuff based off this one fic i read and then we got to here. oh well 

i might turn this into a comic maybe??? depends on how hard finals slaughter me, but I’ll cross that bridge when i get to it 

also here’s the lore on this guy cuz i legit spent too much mental energy scraping through the wiki figuring out how shadows and personas work and then coming up with a way it could work for joker 

Basically, since someone’s shadow is a manifestation of their distorted desires, then a Shadow Joker, would be the manifestation of the protagonist’s (I’m gonna call him Ren from here on. cool? cool) distorted desires. What might those be? Well, during his awakening, Arsene notes Ren’s strong desire to help people and makes him think about whether the resolve he’s shown in the past was valid or not. This becomes the basis of the rebellious will that allows him to forge a contract with Arsene. But now with Shadow Joker, that desire to help people has been distorted into a kind of mix of hero and savior complex. So instead of just helping people in need, on some subconscious level he has started to see himself as the only one that can help and save people. 

In personality he’s about the same as regular Joker. But that’s only at first glance. He’s much more unpredictable and dangerous, basically taking the whole “wildcard” thing very literally. I’d also like to think that all of Joker’s theatrics become even more emphasized with Shadow Joker.  

For his palace I was thinking of him seeing the whole of Tokyo as his stage, wherein he’s an actor in a play of which he is the hero. For this I was kinda looking to the “The show’s over” on his all out attack screen, as well as hero = play, play = theatre, theatre = stage, and all that jazz. I’m still not exactly sure on how it’d look; maybe just the city as it is at night with open stages everywhere, spotlights floating through the dark nigh sky both as aesthetic as well as acting as traps for the thieves to avoid, so if you step into one of them the security level goes up. Or maybe each area that they go through would be like a different part of a theatre, so the treasure room would be Shadow Joker’s changing room and the final confrontation would be on a grand stage, idk. One thing is though, I think that his Palace Tokyo would feel really empty. Like there’d be people, but they’ll be more like faceless ghosts kinda milling about, so not at all like the ATM-guys or robots in Kaneshira and Okumura’s palaces. Also probably no cognitive versions of the other thieves or anyone else he knows, as I was thinking that Shadow Joker would be going by an “I don’t need anyone but myself” idea, and since he’s the all-powerful hero he doesn’t need “sidekicks”.

His treasure is his Phantom Thieves mask, as that would be the source of his distorted desire to help, cuz it’s the thing that represents him getting his persona and being able to help people on a larger scale in the first place. 

When the other thieves first enter the palace, they won’t be in their thief outfits, as i think Shadow Joker’s desire to help would still outweigh him seeing them as a threat -- plus they’re people he knows. He’d talk and interact with them like regular Joker would, but maybe a bit more openly and with more theatrics, so the other thieves will have some trouble with thinking of him as a legit threat and not just their pal who’s a bit too quirked up. But when Shadow Joker realizes that they’re here to steal his mask, the switch flips completely, and the others have to really scramble to get out with their lives.

Then follows the general infiltration thing and blah blah blah. For the infiltration I thought it’d be neat if they go through all the different districts (that are walkable in-game) and the safe-rooms would be the areas where confidants hang out -- The Untouchable in Shibuya, Crossroads Bar in Shinjuku, Gigolo Arcade in Akihabara, Takemi Medical Clinic in Yongen-Jaya, etc. 

There might also be a progression reason for which the gang will have to go into Shinjuku Academy, wherein the safe-rooms would be Ren’s classroom and the roof. Maybe there’s something in the school that they need to clear before they can progress through Aoyama-Itchome and go to Shibuya, idk.

The treasure room would be in the Leblanc attic (because ofc). 

For the boss battle, when the other thieves try to steal his treasure but get caught on the way out (cuz that’s what always happens to these fools), Shadow Joker takes the mask from them and actually uses it in the battle, which allows him to switch between a number of different personas as a mechanic. Their levels and attack would be comparatively lower that the thieves’, but the sheer number of skills at his disposal as well as his unpredictability would be trouble enough. 

there might also be a phase two, where he rips off the mask he’s wearing and replaces it with his original phantom thieves one, and ends up transforming into a fusion of himself and Arsene, so now he’d be technically using only one persona, but with higher stats 

(also i was entertaining the thought of this being the general theme of the palace and this being the theme of the final confrontation. i feel like the first one’s just kinda eerie enough to suit prowling through your friend’s subconscious)

and then pertaining to the design itself, i was basing it off of the regular Joker outfit but spiced up with more flamboyance, because to Ren, Joker would be like the epitome of him feeling like a hero. I kept the mask on to also keep that Joker vibe going, however i made it a more extravagant variation on the original, to kinda push the theatre vibe. I also gave him a cape -- i think that one’s self-explanatory. The walking stick is to give him even more flair, but also uh, concealed weapons is like the perfect Shadow Joker thing to do. Basically think of Lucious Malfoy’s wand-walking stick but with a dagger instead of a wand.

anyway I want it to be clear for the record that I have never once looked up the shadow joker tag on here before i started drawing this but i’m glad we all share the same braincell when it comes to his outfit, fellas 

(also holy FUCK @waifujuju‘s Shadow Joker design is so fucking clever, i am in awe)

that PhantomThief!Mishima thing is still in the works by the way, though i’ve hit a roadblock trying to come up with a persona for him. So far i’ve been thinking of something along the lines of Merlin but idk, it doesn’t seem rebellious enough so the only thing that fits is the vibes, and even that’s a maybe. this whole process has also been exacerbated by the fact that i’ve got a really cool costume going for him that involves a bolt-action rifle which i am very fond of and very reluctant to let go off. all this to say, if you’ve got any ideas please shoot me a message or write a comment cuz rn my brain is kinda frying itself trying to think through this. ty

[brucewaynehater101]

I really need more stuff on some Joker Junior angst, along with Jason finding out about Joker Junior. Even better if you wanna pull in the whole Red Hood (Joker/Jason) Attacking Robin (Jason/Tim), both times when Robin was 15 years old and was supposed to be with someone/somewhere safe.

Hmm... I agree that more content about that would be fabulous. I especially love JJ fanart (there's some really cool ones on TikTok).

Fuck it. Here we go:

TW: torture, Joker Junior, violence, blood, flashback, dissociation, derealization, hallucinating(?)

Tim hands fly to his throat in a desperate attempt to rub away the urge to giggle. He's biting his lips hard enough to bleed in order to prevent them from twisting into a panicked grin.

He's pinned to the floor by a man using one of Joker's alias.

Just like old times, eh?

A snicker slips out at that, which only seems to enrage the man in red.

"Something funny, Placeholder?" The voice modulator in the helmet does nothing to hide the clear disdain and wrath curling through Red Hood. His grip tightens over his holsters, but he doesn't pull them out quite yet. The crimson helmet just glares down at Robin.

Red, red, red. He'd look so much better in Green.

Fuck. Note to self, Tim. JJ likes Red Hood.

Robin locks his face down at this revelation to keep a calm facade. He could try to dislodge the knives holding him hostage, but not with the perpetrator towering over him like this. "Nope. My bad, Hood. Got a little distracted. Where were we?"

The crime lord takes a few steps forward until he's next to the trapped bird. Somehow, he makes even the action squatting appear menacing. "This is the part where I torture you. Where I cut off a little bird's wings so you'll never fly again. Maybe then, B will learn."

Robin watches as Hood draws another knife. The crime lord twirls the blade between his fingers and tilts his head. There's a considering glint evident in his body language.

In a sick mockery of comfort, Red Hood trails the knife down Robin's cheek. It's too close to Joker's signs of "affection" after a round of shock treatment.

Junior shudders.

The leather jacket starts to morph into a lavender lounge coat and Tim blinks rapidly to clear his vision.

A sigh of relief escapes his lips when he's able to see Red Hood again.

The crime lord pauses. He tilts his head once more. Tim can feel the gaze studying him, but he's not sure why. He can't tell if the man is genuinely curious or if he's inspecting Robin like a bug trapped in plexiglass.

When the knife leaves his skin, Tim feels his shoulders lose an inch of tension.

"Don't get too comfortable. I've got a few questions before I snap your legs."

Tim can feel a jolt of pain flash through his legs at the claim. He grimaces at the notion of months off field.

Hood leans back onto his heels, fortunately giving the younger teen some space. It doesn't seem intentional, but it's better.

"You've been Robin for two years now?"

When Tim initially refuses to acknowledge the question, Hood raises the knife. Robin sighs and gives a nod.

The man hums and brings the hilt of the knife to his chin. The weird thinking pose blares an alarm in Tim's brain, but he can't quite piece together where he's seen it before.

"About eight months ago, the clown disappeared."

Phantom feelings of electricity run through Tim's body. His muscles twitch under the memory.

Red Hood leans closer. "Where is he?"

Tim can hear -

"You know better than that, Junior. Where's the smile for your old man?"

A desperate giggle bubbles up Tim's throat.

"Come on, son. You wouldn't want to make your mother sad, would you?"

Joker leans over Tim Junior with a wicked grin. He grips a blade and gestures to Junior's lips. "Do you want your dear old Dad to teach you to smile? Again?"

Junior shakes his head frantically as trembling lips split open in a facsimile of a smile. The motion pulls at his stitches scars.

Scars?

That's not-

Junior's smile starts to fall.

Red Hood Joker crosses his arms. "What the fuck are you smiling at?"

Junior still has a smile on his face (it can't drop), but his eyebrows furrow. "Dad?"

Joker flinches back.

Amethyst cloth flickers to bronze leather and then back again. Forest green hair morphs into a cherry red helmet. Junior watches it peer behind its shoulder before Joker's face turns back to him.

"Batman isn't here."

A cackle erupts from Junior's lips and dissolves into a fit of giggles. Joker peers at Tim Junior in confused horror. The kid turns his head more towards the man. A smile stretches and pulls the corner of his lips, highlighting the faint scars.

Junior Tim hears the man take a startled breath in.

"Batsy isn't Dad. Dad-"

Tim frowns as his gaze drifts away from the man. "I killed Dad. He's dead."

He pouts exaggeratedly before Junior dissolves into a fit of giggles. "Bam!" Both of his hands point an imaginary gun Red Hood's Joker's way. "Bam! Bam!" The hands recoil back as if actually shooting the man.

Tears start to stream down Junior's Tim's face. He fights to bring his lips away from a grin.

"Fuck." He's still grining. "Fuck!"

Red Hood, the cause of all of this, is just staring at Tim. He's observing the teen try to bring himself back to sanity inch by stupid fucking inch.

Tim's eyes dart around the room. He takes a deep breath in and, on the exhale, list something he sees. "Chair. Blender. Staff. Kni-"

Several more deep breaths in and out as he ignores all the knives in the room. "Light. Jacket. Cape. Couch. Lemon. Counter."

His hands paw at his utility breath as he keeps breathing. He grasps one of the sour candies and works on opening the wrapper. He pops it into his mouth and continues the breath exercise.

Red Hood is silent as he watches Robin pull himself back into reality.

It takes several more minutes before Robin's breaths return to normal. He lays there looking at the ceiling absolutely drained and done with this whole situation.

Finally, Tim turns his gaze to the crime lord.

"Can you just kill me already or get the fuck out?"

Red Hood responds by pulling off his helmet.

Tim blinks. Sighs. Then starts up his grounding techniques again.

[liquid-luck-00]

Red Binding 2

Maribat March Day 2: Signals

@maribat-calendar-events @maribatserver

First *** Next

~~~~~~~~~~

He hated this!

He hated the fact that he woke up, by being dumped into a burning liquid. Hated that he was wrapped and bound so he had to claw himself out. Hated how the water forced itself into his lungs as he tried to break the waters surface.

Why does this all keep happening to him?

He hasn’t seen or even heard Plagg since the cemetery. And now he was coughing up acid green liquid, as every inch of him burned.

Someone charged at him and he attacked on instinct. He was able to take the knife from his attacker, and he stabbed them. He made sure that they couldn’t get back up, but he didn’t kill them. No they were alive, severely wounded, but alive.

Behind you, duck.

He did as he was told and a second assailant flew over him. He never saw them, but trusted Plagg’s words. Once he did have eyes on them, he quickly defeated them.

Step right. Turn.

Again he trusted Plagg’s instructions and a pair of people emerged this time. They continued to fight, Plagg’s warnings and signals aiding him. He wasn’t perfect, as the kick to his ribs, and the blade that dug into his arm, proved, but he was good enough to stay standing.

He fought for what felt like hours, bodies strewn all over the floor, but he hadn’t taken a life. The knife in his hand started to slip, as it did he flicked it back firmly in his palm.

"We must work on your inability to kill, but overall." A woman, the same voice he heard before, stepped out of the shadows. "You have potential."

Jason watched her. She didn’t approach further, she didn’t look like she would attack him, she stood there waiting.

Lazarus. Plagg's normal drawl was replaced with a hissing growl was terrifying it nearly scared him enough that he would have flinched, but he faced the woman. She is an Al Ghul.

"Al Ghul." He whispered, his voice hoarse from coughing up the water, and maybe even from the beating he took from Joker. The woman smiled, an evil glint in her dark brown eyes.

"Now how do you know that name?" She waited for him to answer, but he wasn’t about to tell her. "No matter follow me."The momentary astonishment gone, replaced by nothing.

The woman turned on her heels and started to walk away, a small motion with her hand the only indication she wanted him to follow her. But she’s given him no reason to trust her so he just stared at her not moving an inch. Plagg’s tone still rang in his head, although he’s begging him to say something, he staying quiet. He wishes that Plagg would say some thing, any thing. To give hima signal of whether he could trust this woman, but now he’s quiet. The woman turned around having not heard him follow, quick even steps walked up to him.

"I promise you, you will not die tonight. They have already let you die once, but I was there to help you." Her voice and words were sweet, but they didn't sit well with him.

"That doesn’t mean you won’t kill me." His temper was beginning to flair, his words pointed at her. Jason looked up at her, staring right at her gripping the knife, challenging her. But she did something unexpected, she laughed.

"You are more interesting than I originally thought. You will do well to serve as a shadow."

"Why did you bring me here? Why go through all this trouble? What is this place?" It pissed him off, like she could know what will happen and he can't do anything about it. The woman slightly crouched forward to look at him straight in the eye.

"You are with the league of shadows, I will make you into a shadow that will rival even the Batman himself. I can make it so that no one can hurt you ever again." The woman’s voice was sweet,luring him into a sense of safety, Plagg’s warning still echoed in his mind getting softer, as she placed a light hand on his shoulder. "I can make it so no one can ever abandon you again."

He wants to believe her, her words make total sense, except they don’t.

He was never abandoned, at least not by those he cared enough to let into his life. Bruce didn’t abandon him, he was the one who took him off of the streets. Alfred never abandoned him, in fact when Jason arrived at the manor he made sure that Jason was welcomed. Dick never abandon him either, Dick accepted Jason not only has his little brother, but evenas Robin. They didn’t abandon him, he ran away, he abandoned them. He ran away, and he died, and now this giant separation makes him feel guilty. He knows he survived Joker, Plagg made sure he survived the bomb, after that. But after the bomb, before the coffin he has no memory of anything.

Yet this woman claims she had a hand in it.

"Even if I were to believe you." He spoke up looking past her, to where he knows the exit, to where he can run free himself. "How did I survive all that?" He tried to stall, to make a plan.

He knows it’s a longshot, but it’s one he’s willing to take right now.

The woman sighed and stood back up. "It was a gamble, one that did pay off, it was the waters of the Lazarus pit that were able to heal you, I’m sure you were close to death. The waters making it appear so, that way no one would question the funeral. Yet you were still alive, still healing, and all we had to do was wait."

"So what if the Joker beat up another kid and you would’ve taken them?"

"This is neither the time nor place to discuss this." She grabbed him by the scruff of his shirt collar and started dragging him out of the cave. He dug in his heels, but she was stronger than she looked. "To answer your question, no, you were the target."

He stopped fighting in that moment.

Why me why go after me? Was it for the money, are they after Bruce? No Robin, they went after me as Robin. So they are after Batman?

You need to ask the right questions, kitten. Plagg then decided to start talking once again. If you are where I think you are, you have to be ready to fight like your life depends on it.

But…

No buts. Plagg’s voice absolute in his mind. Learn what you can, and use that to make your escape.

"This will be your room." The woman opened the door, and let him inside. The room is small with a bed tucked into the corner, a dresser was next to it with a single lamp on top of it. "Tomorrow you will meet your teachers, they are the ones responsible for your training, but it will be your own prerogative to stay alive."

The woman promptly closed the door behind her and left on silent steps.

Jason wanted so badly to fall asleep, but question just kept swimming in his mind.

"Plagg, I’m scared." He was barely able to whisper, as tears started to burn his eyes. He’s not sure if it’s because he was just uprooted from the only place he knew, the fact of his death finally catching up to him, or the fact that he knows everyone who cared for him thinks he’s dead.

You have every right to be scared kitten, I get it, this place can kill you if you show emotions, if you show any weaknesses. Plagg floated in front of him, his paws resting on the tip of his nose. This place might not have been ideal, but it might be possible to get you to the order from here.

"Order? Like the one from the story?"

The same one kitten. If there is ever any chance that I can get you there, I'll take it, you just need to follow my signals.

Jason climbed into the bed, sleep already overtaking him. "Plagg, promise me you’ll never leave me alone, that you will help me."

You are my kitten. I'll be here for you.

"I like to know that you’re with me Plagg, I trust you." Jason mumbled, his eyes were already closed and sleep was quickly taking over him.

Plagg curled up next to the boy, every fiber of his being telling him he was doing the right thing. That this child, no his chosen, will live. He will make it through this hellhole and will escape.

"Not even the Supreme themselves can take me away from you." He promised as he watched his kritten fall fitfully into sleep.

Next

~~~~~~~~~~

Permanent Taglist: @jennifer-rose123 @toodaloo-kangaroo @joydone07 @mizzy-pop @starling218 @crystalqueertea

[scaryscarecrows]

"I Can't Take This Anymore."

It hadn’t been planned. It hadn’t even crossed his mind; he’s too sick to plan anything, and Harley had tried to fix him by plying him full of…something. Pills, he’s not sure not what kind. It hadn’t worked, and Joker, after Jason had gone from shrieking to coughing hard enough to throw up, had begun to fear his pet bird might actually die. Jason considered that fine. Joker disagreed, and he’d brought Jason out of the room, to some other part of the asylum, to see a doctor. And Jason.

It hadn’t been planned. It had been the desperation of a trapped animal. He’d headbutted the doctor, sent her staggering, and before Joker could grab him, he’d summoned what strength he had and run.

Arkham’s grounds are a jungle. Crane had kept them manicured, practically barren, but Sharp doesn’t bother. He says it’s because ‘the patients need greenery’, but Barb says it’s because he’s a cheapass. Jason believes Barb.

He’s grateful now, though. Joker’s hard on his heels, screaming at him, but Jason manages to take a hard left and stumble into some bushes. That’s about the time that his ankle gives out and he only barely bites back a yelp. Joker’s purple legs appear and he freezes, tries not to breathe (hurts it hurts his lungs–).

“Where are you…” Joker’s muttering. “Typical of the medical profession, bill you and don’t even fix what ails you…”

The purple legs walk away. Jason waits one, two, three beats before struggling to his feet. Gotta be quiet. Can’t be caught, he won’t be allowed to die, oh, no, he’ll pay for this if Joker catches him.

He spots distant headlights. 

It’s a risk. 

He’s going to take it.

Head swimming, world pitching dangerously under his feet, he struggles towards the road. Behind him, there’s a burst of mad laughter and running feet, but just as quickly there’s a squawk of outrage and the sound of a body diving aside as the car slams on the brakes. Jason tries to backpedal and goes down hard and this is it, then. It’s over.

He can’t see well. He’s in agony from the fall and now he really can’t stop coughing and his ribs are on fire.

Slosh-slosh-slosh-slosh.

“Gotcha!”

“Jesus Christ–”

There’s suddenly hands on him, patting him down, and no-no-no, please, please, he’ll be good, he won’t run again–

“Come on–”

“Please–”

“I gotcha, c’mon…”

He’s being dragged, then, through the mud, and hauled up. He tries to push the hands off him and they do draw back, and then there’s the slamming of a door.

Then there’s nothing at all.

* * *

He wakes, a little, when a warm (warm? Must be the fever…) washcloth scrubs across his face. Fever or not, he hasn’t been clean in…a while, not really. Sure, Harley’s hosed him down a few times, given him a rough scrubbing, but not…not like this. Not careful and thorough. 

“There you are.” The voice sounds a little familiar, but he can’t…his head hurts and his vision won’t settle; the room just keeps spinning like a slot machine. “Okay, sweet boy, I’m gonna get this off…”

What?

He’s too weak to stop the hands from taking his cape off and no, no-no-no, he doesn’t want this, please–

“It’s okay, honey, it’s just gotta come off so we can get ya cleaned up.” Fingers brush hesitantly against his cheek. “Trust me, it’ll help.”

But…

There’s a glopping noise and he flinches, but it’s followed up by the fingers digging into his hair. Something slimy drips down the side of his face and he shudders, lets his head drop against his knees. There’s nothing he can do about any of this, and he knows it, and he just wants everything to be over.

(He wants Bruce, but Bruce hasn’t come yet and…and Jason’s starting to wonder if he’s ever going to.)

“There we go, that’s a little better already…you’re doin’ real good, baby, it’s gonna be okay.”

No it isn’t.

He blanks out again. Not on purpose, just…he’s just so sick. It doesn’t last, but his next realization is that he’s in a bed, a soft, warm bed that cradles his bones just right, and that he’s wearing clothes that aren’t his. Sweatpants and a big t-shirt, feels like. His right wrist, which cracked against the restraints when he was seizing from electricity, has been bound up and it feels like his ankle’s been braced with an ACE bandage or something. His hair’s still a little damp and the room’s still spinning, but he’s cleaner and more comfortable than he’s been in months.

First he panics. Then he forces himself to look around. Blue walls. White bed. A dresser with a jewelry box and a plush penguin on top–plush penguin? In Gotham?

“You with me this time, kiddo?”

The panic bleeds out of him. It’s just Dove, she won’t…he’s not…he’s not safe, not yet, but she won’t give him back, she won’t hurt him anymore.

“What happened?”

“You tell me.” She sets a water bottle down on the nightstand. “I about hit you, honestly, you came outta nowhere.”

Shit.

Shit.

He knows, he’ll be here any minute–

“I can’t–” He forces himself upright, white-hot pain shooting through his wrist, and tries to will his blurry vision to clear. “I can’t be here, I can’t take anymore, he won’t even let me die–”

“Baby, baby, be still.” His wrist gives way and he crumples back, coughing thickly. “You’re okay, honey, just…don’t move too much, okay?”

“But–”

“Shh. You’ve got a couple broken ribs and Mr. Cobblepot won’t be happy if I tell him I’ve got a dead kid in my house.” She gives him a rough smile. “Just stay down, okay? He’s not…he won’t hurt you anymore, sweetheart, I promise.”

Of course he will.

He forces himself to shake his head despite the terrible blur it causes and tries to explain, “I can’t be here. He. He’ll be looking for me, I-I-I–”

“Shh. It’ll be okay, honey. He can’t get up here.” Yes he can, and he’ll be furious, and– “How about you try to get some sleep, huh? Until I can get hold of Jim?”

Maybe this isn’t real at all. He’s never had this particular hallucination before, but there’s a first time for everything.

“But–”

“Robin,” Dove says softly, “he won’t lay another finger on you. Even if he knew where you are, he can’t get up here, and even if he managed that, he can’t get in.”

He wishes he could believe her. But he knows better, knows this will end horribly for both of them and just…

Maybe it’s better if it’s not real, if he wakes up back in that dark, cold little room. Or hell, maybe he’s dying from the flu and this is some weird, last-ditch thing his brain’s spat out to ease things along. Honestly, that’s the least painful option.

“Try to go back to sleep, huh? You’ve got a helluva fever and I don’t…I don’t think giving you anything’s a hot idea, y’know?”

No. No, he…he guesses not.

He lets her tuck the blankets back around him despite his deep misgivings, declines the offered water on the grounds that he thinks he’ll puke it up immediately, and tries to find a comfortable position.

He shouldn’t. He’s done enough, put her in enough danger already, but he just…

He can’t be alone in the dark again.

“Don’t go?” he whispers. “Please?”

“Sure, hon. Let me just try to call Jim first, okay?”

He loses himself looking at the little plush penguin on the dresser. It’s pink and gray, not very big. Somethin’ from Cobblepot, maybe?

God, he feels like shit. Achy and tired and just done. It’s a fight to keep his eyes open, a fight he finally gives up after the penguin multiplies.

He should stay awake. He knows that. And he tries, it’s just…

He can’t.

* * *

Jason’s tugged out of a deep, dreamless sleep by a hushed voice above him.

“--even walk. We’re up high, the door’s closed.”

“Hrm?”

“S’just Jim,” Dove says softly. “He wants us to meet him at GCPD, you’re too sick for that.”

“Hrm.” He thinks he could do it, maybe, but he doesn’t want to. Now that Joker’s cocktail of whatever and the adrenaline have largely worn off, he’s not sure how well he’ll be able to move. He’s in pain, and he’s tired, and…and he’s comfortable, here. Warm for the first time in months. And if he stays still, keeps his eyes closed, he can pretend that the hand carding through his hair is Mom’s. “‘Kay.”

“Go back to sleep, sweetheart.”

Sounds good.

He settles further under the blankets and is just mostly back asleep when there’s a sharp rap on the door.

“Huh?”

“Probably Jim.” Dove tucks the blankets in. “I’ll be back in a minute, okay?”

He doesn’t feel right. Jim shouldn’t be here that fast, right? Has it really been that long?

He struggles up, chest throbbing, and tries to clear his head. He’s just rubbing his eyes when he hears a high-pitched, overly friendly voice sing-songing, “Hellooooo!”

The world falls out from under him and his first instinct is to hide, but there’s nowhere to go.

“Have you seen him?” Joker’s asking now, and Jason knows he’s furious, he knows he’s here, he–

“I’ve been asleep,” Dove says, a little short. “No.”

There’s a sudden ruckus, the sound of a chain lock straining to hold, followed by a screech, swearing, and the door slamming. Dove comes back in and heads to her dresser, rifles through it until she comes up with a gun and no-no-no, this is his fault, he can’t–

“I’ll go,” he says frantically. “I will, just. Just please, I–c’n I have some pills o-or something, I can’t–”

“Batman’ll be here any minute,” she tells him. “Just be quiet, okay? We’re gonna be okay.”

The apartment is silent. No sounds of attempted entry, no laughter in the main hallway. And Jason’s just thinking maybe Bruce got him already when shave-and-a-haircut! sounds against the balcony door.

He can barely see the monster through the rain. Just that stark white face and those staring eyes, a floating head more than anything. And the doorknob’s just turning when there’s an odd pop-pop-pop-pop-pop-pop sound. 

The glass shatters first. Then the face is twisting into an expression of shock and rage but it’s going back, it’s–

It’s gone. The porch is empty now, save for a pair of chattering teeth.

Dove reloads the gun and helps him out of bed, wrapping him in the comforter and half-carries him out of the room and to the couch. And. And he knows she hit him, and he kinda remembers that they’re on the top floor of a very tall building, and…

“He’s dead?”

“I think so, kiddo.” She settles down next to him and doesn’t remove him when he curls into her arms, shaking. “I think it’s over.”

THE END

[batmanrogues-scenarios]

Gimmie perfect gifts for and from Rouges. Your choice. I just want to know what would they want to get and what would they love to give xD

Sorry it will be so late but it's too good to not use as Christmas request. But because of that have all the Rogues. Hope this is a fair trade

Gifts for Rogues and from Them.

Riddler

Get

I feel like he never really got anything for Christmas so just getting something will make him happy

In the budget? Mug saving #1 Genius

Yes, he is that easie

Give

First of all he would make it a scavenger hunt

Second, it's gonna be something big

Puts their face on a billboard with their greatest accomplishment

Hacks radios to play their favorite songs

Scarecrow

Get

Won't admit it but Jack Skellington and Sally costumes for both of them

This movie was best thing to happen on Christmas

Give

He doesn't know much about presents so might try to sew them something; maybe little Scarecrow plush

Mad Hatter

Get

Hand made hat or a special tea party

It doesn't have to be expensive it just has to have heart

Give

Would go for Alice costume but this is what he wants not S/O so starts asking around their friends of what Y/N likes

Will give them something related to their favorite series, probably some sort of merch

Penguin

Two-Face

Get

It's gonna be cheesy but Harvey would love to get a tie, Gilda used to give him one in an old fashioned way and he misses it

Harv has plans in bed

Give

Romantic dinner and necklace

Get

This man can have whatever he wants so getting him a present is tricky.

I think something simple and hand made will melt his heart like scarf

Give

Everything. He will get his chick whatever they want.

Black Mask

Get

Probably surprise in bed, if you know what I mean

Give

Similar to Penguin, he can get them everything

Most likely will get them the most beautiful mask, with gems

Mr Freeze

Get

His wife-

Nah, it would be Christmas miracle but he knows to not expect that

Custom-made snowglobe with them all in it, it would make him cry

Give

A big ice sculpture of S/O showing their most beautiful parts

Joker

Get

Batmobile, he will be head over heels to annoy him at Christmas

Give

I can't imagine him giving gifts but might do something with a bang

Explodes some building and there will be fireworks for S/O and he bought some chocolate or scarf

Music Meister

Get

Write him your own song he would be head over heels

Give

100 % will do flash mob for them

Harley Quinn

Get

Hand decorated hammer, she would hit so many stuff!

Give

Would rob a mall and grab everything that is expensive or cute looking giving it to S/O

Poison Ivy

Get

Isn't picky, romantic evening would be enough

Give

Would grow them garden in the room with every color, with a beautiful smell

Catwoman

Get

Pearls or diamonds would be nice

Give

Also probably some jewelry

[twosentencereviews]

Joker 2 will (probably) also be bad

I've gone on record saying Joker (2019) was a badly-conceived film, with ideas that are, at best, inconsistent and muddled.

And now they're making another one. With Lady Gaga as Harley Quinn. Maybe it will be better this time?

...no, probably not. Let me break it down.

So, the entire design philosophy of Joker (2019) from writer/director Todd Phillips was, quote, "we're gonna sneak in a real movie in the guise of a comic book movie". That is, Phillips wanted to make Taxi Driver...but he's only a talented enough filmmaker to make The Hangover at best, and The Hangover Part III at worst, and so Warner Bros only trusted him with an IP that was guaranteed to succeed regardless of quality.

This sucks on two levels. If we judge Joker as a "real film"...it fails utterly, because it's using the visual language of the 1970s to whine about 21st century woes, and even then doesn't have anything to say. The "failed standup act goes viral" plot beat doesn't fit with the media landscape of the 1970s, while the clown rioters echo the "eat the rich, defund the police" sentiment that was brewing in 2019 and would explode with George Floyd's murder in 2020. These things are included because Phillips is the kind of jerk who complains about "woke culture" on Twitter. The only reason Phillips sets the film in the 1970s...is because he's cheating off Scorsese's homework.

But if we judge Joker as a comic book movie, it also sucks, because it completely fails to live up to what makes The Joker so fascinating. See, The Joker is a Batman villain; a standout antagonist against the rogues gallery. You cannot understand The Joker except as a literary foil, as a dark reflection of the Dark Knight. Batman is a solemn, incorruptible force for justice. The Joker is a manic, incorruptible force of destruction. While many of Batman's villains are sympathetic (e.g. Mr Freeze), and others are garden-variety thugs with powers (e.g. Clayface), The Joker is pure. He cannot be reasoned with or negotiated with, he has no agenda beyond causing mayhem, and he has no better nature to appeal to. That charisma, that certainty of purpose, is what makes the Joker such a fun villain. Phillips throws all of that in the garbage--Arthur Fleck is weak-willed, cowardly, and just needs a friend.

And now, in Folie a deux...he's getting one, in the form of Gaga's Harley Quinn.

Now, Harley Quinn is different from the Joker. Harley was introduced in Batman: the Animated Series, voiced by Arleen Sorkin, as a counterpart to Mark Hamill's Joker. Her origin story is that she was Dr. Harlene Quinzel, a psychiatrist at Arkham Asylum, who tried to fix The Joker...only to be pulled in by his madness, taking a new name, costume, and falling head-over-heels for "Mista J", her "puddin'".

This is interesting because while The Joker only really makes sense as a Batman antagonist, Harley only really makes sense in the context of the Joker. Harley's story is one of domestic abuse; she is The Joker's greatest victim, and yet his staunchest ally. She sometimes realizes this and tries to get away, but can't escape his manipulative gravity. This obsessive love, however, is not returned; The Joker's soulmate is Batman, the yin to his yang, his equal and opposite. Nowhere is this more clear than in the iconic Mad Love, where Harley almost kills Batman as a gift to her puddin', only for The Joker to furiously lash out in a "no one kills Batman but me" kind of way.

So while the Joker is fun because he's so unsympathetic, Harley is fun because she is sympathetic. The Joker is fully evil, but Harley is only evil because of her exposure to The Joker; without him in the picture, she's just a manic antihero.

And that's exactly what's happened to her character over time; fan and authorial desire to see Harley achieve independence and escape the cycle of abuse led directly to her more modern portrayals, such as Margot Robbie in Suicide Squad (2016), Birds of Prey, and The Suicide Squad (2021). But even then, she was introduced in Suicide Squad against Jared Leto's Joker, and the start of Birds of Prey is her mourning her breakup with him. Her animated series starts the same way, seeking autonomy and an independent self-identity.

Folie a deux...isn't going to be doing that. It can't. It doesn't work with Arthur Fleck. The whole point of Joker (2019) is that Arthur Fleck is a loser, he's a failed nobody, he is the dregs of society that everyone ignores. His sexual frustration and loneliness form the basis of a major (and idiotic) plot beat with Zazie Beetz. He is a million miles from the "charismaniac" of Hamill or Ledger--there is zero possibility that he could "infect" a brilliant psychiatrist.

To his credit, Phillips realizes this, and is taking a different angle. From the trailer, it looks like Gaga's Harley is going to be a fellow Arkham resident, and she's going to be the one who initiates flirtation with Arthur, in a sort of "love letter to a serial killer" kind of admiration. The trailer leans heavily on the refrain of "what the world needs now is love, sweet love", and overall seems to be framing itself as an honest-to-god romance. Instead of the Joker/Harley relationship being abuser/victim, it looks instead to be toxic enabling, where Harley encourages Arthur to embrace his worst, most destructive instincts.

And...that's probably going to be framed as a good thing. See, if Folie a deux is going to be a romance, then plot constraints demand that there needs to be an obstacle dividing the lovers and preventing their happy union. What obstacle could exist between Arthur and Harley? Why, the entire legal system, of course--we see in the teaser multiple shots of them going up courthouse steps. It's likely that the pair fall in love in Arkham, escape ("let's get out of here", Harley says), are recaptured, and then have to defend themselves in court. This might have a "happy ending" where they win and leave together, affirming that enabling a violent criminal is a good thing. Or it might have a "sad ending" where the court outcome separates them, affirming Arthur's nihilism and anger at a system he perceives as unjust only when it inconveniences him. Either way, Harley is going to be framed as good for Arthur, making him better while making him worse.

Could this be done well? Maybe. It's certainly possible. Canon is already so broken that it's no longer a limitation. A talented director might realize the moral complexity in the relationship between two violent, mentally unstable murderers. One could frame the entire thing as a tragedy, where "boy gets girl back again" is shown to be disastrous (as in The Graduate). Or, it could even be something of an inversion of the more canonical Joker/Harley romance; instead of Harley realizing that she's better off without Mista J, it might be Arthur realizing he is better off without Harley.

But it almost certainly won't be any of that. Because Phillips thinks that Arthur Fleck is relatable. He thinks he's a martyr, a victim of targeted injustice, a doomed hero refusing to bow to societal norms. But he isn't. Arthur Fleck is an entitled white boy who simultaneously sees his suffering as a systemic failing, while also refusing to see how the system harms others, and refusing to see how his own choices make things worse for everyone. Arthur Fleck is an embodiment of denied privilege, where cishet white men expect to be lavished with unearned success, and are butthurt when they don't get it.

And above all, the thing that media has always told men is that a manic pixie dream girl is going to find you and fall madly in love with you despite your obvious failings. That is the heterosexual male romantic fantasy; love without effort, acceptance without labor, companionship without obligation. Todd Phillips might play this straight. Or he might set this up for Arthur, only to deny it as an act of authorial cruelty. But the first film demonstrates that he lacks the self-awareness necessary to actually deconstruct it, to criticize the expectation itself.

So no. I don't think Folie a deux will be better than its prequel. Because for Todd Phillips to make a better movie, he'd have to be a better person. And he's not.

[little-miss-dilf-lover]

More TEXT CONVOS!! (Also I want you to know that you can disregard the drabbles ! I just hope you're doing well and taking care of yourself  💗💗) 💺 anon

🍊) My little (brat) princess

🍊: I hid a bag in our closet. If you find it, do not open it. 🍒: Well now I kinda want to look for it 🍊: Please don't. 🍒: :( 🍊: I'm serious. 🍒: What even is inside? 🍊: It's a surprise.

🍒: About to take a bath, alone 🍒: No one here to wash my hair for me 🍒: Or leave kisses on my neck and shoulder 🍒: Or run their hands down my body 🍒: HOW ARE YOU AT THE FRONT DOOR ALREADY??

🍊: My love for you is like diarrhea 🍊: I can't hold it in 🍒: Am I supposed to say something nice?

🍊: How would you feel if I shaved? 🍒: Please just tell me you didn't 🍊: Well... 🍊: Yeah I was just kidding love 🍊: WHY DID YOU TELL LEMON WE'RE GETTING DIVORCED?

🍒: How much until your cute ass gets home?? 🍊: I'll be there in less than an hour ❤️ 🍒: Prepare yourself because the moment you step in I'm gonna jump in your arms and attack your pretty face with kisses 🍒: I can't wait to cuddle and hear you complain about the mission 🍊: I'm so in love with you

🍊: [1 image attached] 🍒: Screaming, crying, shaking, shitting, pissing, banging my head againts the wall, ripping my hair out, clawing out my heart, slamming my fists on the table 🍒: You look lovely

🍒: Hello my mandarin 🍊: We're not doing this

🍒: I think Tan hates me 🍊: Excuse me? What made you believe that? 🍒: That was meant for Lem 🍊: Why would you tell him you think I hate you? 🍒: Because he's very funny and I love to gossip with him 🍊: I'm funnier than him actually. And that still doesn't answer my question 🍒: You didn't ask me to be your valentine :( 🍊: That's because we've been married for 8 years, I assumed you're already my valentine 🍒: You have to ask :( 🍊: Fine. Will you be my valentine? 🍒: Yes :) [Tan reacted with ❤️]

[Unknown number]: Hello my beautiful wife. I am curently writing this message to apologize and ask for your forgiveness. Please unblock me. Yours, Tangerine. 🍒: ENOUGH

🍋) Silly goofy guy

🍋: How's my favorite person in the world doing? 🍒: What did you do? 🍋: Jumping to conclusions I see 🍒: Lemon what did you do? 🍋: Promise you won't get mad 😆 🍒: I promise 😊😊😊🔪😊😊 🍋: I broke your heels 🍒: ... 🍒: Well did you at least take some photos?? 🍋: You know it 🤪 🍋: [5 images attached]

🍋: Should we play minecraft? I wanna finish our train 🍒: Tan said he doesn't want to :( 🍋: Tell him to mind his business

🍋: I was drinking bubble tea and choked on the balls so I spilled the drink everywhere 🍋: Now Tan won't even look at me

🍋: I've been looking for my gun for 2 hours only to realize I don't have it anymore 🤣🤣🤣🤣💃🥳😆😼😼

🍒: He's my little anal ☺️ 🍒: ANGEL 🍒: ANGEL I MEANT ANGEL 🍋: THE WAY I SCREAMED 🍒: DON'T SHOW THIS TO HIM 🍋: HE'S LOOKING AT ME NOOO 😭😭

🍊🍋🍒) The fruit bowl

🍒: Do you ever just 🍋: Yeah, but 🍋: Yk? 🍒: Damn man I sure do 🍊: Is this why you two created this group chat? 🍋: Actually it's so you can like and subscribe 🤯👽❓ 🍒: But first, a word from our sponsor!! 🍊: I'm so done with you both

🍋: Should I dye my hair? 🍊: Absolutely fucking not 🍒: Pookie no it won't look as good as it does now!! 🍋: Love you guys 🫶 🍋: I already bought the hair dye 🍊: WHY DID YOU EVEN ASK? 🍋: I'm in a silly goofy mood 🍋: So green or blue? 🍊: I will smash your head through a window 🍒: LEM LISTEN TO US!! 🍋: Yo I kinda look like the joker

🍒: [2 images attached, it's photos of Tan and Cherry hugging] 🍒: These look so good! 🍒: Lem best wingman AND photographer 🍋: Fucking finally. It was getting annoying 🍊: Would you stop it already? 🍒: Yeah, it wasn't THAT bad 🍋: [1 image attached, text convo of Tan talking about Cherry to Lem] 🍊: DELTE THST RIGHT FUCKING NOW 🍒: 🤣 🍋: Oh I know you're not laughing Cherry 🍋: [1 image attached, text convo of Cherry gushing about Tan to Lem] 🍒: THAT'S MESSED UP

+ bonus 🍊: Made her laugh today and I can't get it out of my head 🍊: It's driving me nuts 🍊: I must've looked fucking stupid the way I just stared at her 🍋: Talking about her again? 🍊: Who else do I ever talk about you nob 🍋: So did you ask her out? 🍊: What do you think? 🍋: I'm thinking no because you're a pussy 🍊: Fuck off

🍒: Ok so I was talking to him earlier today and he just put his hand on my shoulder and got really close to my face but I feel like he was mostly looking at my lips. Maybe it was just my imagination 🍒: Anyway, does he do this to everyone? 🍋: Girl

hii angel!!! I really do want to be able to write them for you, I’ll keep them in my inbox and will def try to do one of them, but if not, keep them noted down and I’ll get around to them eventually 💓💓

THESE ARE SO FUN!!!?? loved them all, especially..

^ why would he tell us if he doesn’t want us snooping??????

^ lem would be the mediator, trying to rationalise tan not to shave (even if he was messing) he doesn’t want to see his bro with a baby face

^ ALL OF THAT😭😭 and then, you look lovely. I HAVE A PICTURE IN MY HEAD AND I NEED TO ADD IT bc it works well and obviously bc it’s hot 😩😩😩😩😩😩

^ tan would be acting like he doesn’t know lem😭

^😭😭😭😭😭 we just have random half conversations (but we each no exactly what the other is thinking) and it just annoys tan sm. “what did you think about that thing?” “that was so crazy. what did you think about that other thing? not that thing but another thing?” “holy shit man, but did you see?” “RIGHT? and then?” “omg😭”

^ lem got the receipts 😭😭😭😭

^😭😭😭😭 “bc you’re a pussy” and “girl” lmao

[sailing-through-hawkins]

Buckle up Ronance (and general spicy six) fans i wrote this when i was super tired but we got a Superman AU laid out right in front of us ft:

Robin Buckley as the clumsy and rambling reporter starting her new job at the Daily Planet, using her wits, language skills and eager curiosity to scope out a fresh take on Metropolis' pristine coat of futurism hiding its own dark underbelly of corruption and political warfare; not to mention the fact that she is the Superwoman (i usually prefer finding alternatives to using "man" or "woman" in the superhero genre but I can't really think of an alternate to something as basic as Superman so here we are), capable of flight, lazer vision and rescuing pretty woman without so much as a stutter

Nancy Wheeler as the Planet's greatest reporter, her determination and scrutiny all she needs to crack any story wide open, making her quite the target for the rich and famous but she doesn't appreciate this rookie coming in to steal her front-page headline spot; now Superwoman, on the other hand, is the most intriguing person she's ever wanted to investigate right on Metropolis soil

Nancy visits Gotham on occasion to meet her ex-partner and current good friend, Steve "Stevie" Harrington, to catch up during any of his various charity balls or just to give Mike an excuse to hang with Dustin (Steve's first ward, followed by Max, with Lucas and Erica dropping by often enough people don't really think too hard about it)

She does have her suspicions about The Bat running around the shadows of Gotham with Steve's tendency for concussion-inducing accidents but the idea of Steve of all people as a vigilante just feels too far fetched even for her

Of course, Robin does eventually meet Stevie during a story she's chasing on The Bat but the guy is just so airheaded and shameless that she doesn't want to even bother trying to get statement out of him. When she meets The Bat as Superwoman however, they hit it off so well that Robin thinks she may have found a best friend for life. When they eventually reveal their identities, she has to take a minute to reconcile that her platonic soulmate is Stevie Harrington of all people

Jonathan is Nancy's photographer a la Jimmy Olsen, and the dude is just so exhausted all the time from Nancy's running around but he's done a better job keeping up with her than her old partner Fred Benson so Chief insists that they stick together. After Robin showed up, he figured things would be easier with someone else to help wrangle Nancy but Robin just encourages the chaos with her own ambitious methods so he ends up bonding with Stevie of all people over Nancy's head-first running into danger, thank god for Superwoman's timing on that

I also think it'd be funny if Argyle was just a random pizza guy from Gotham who got caught up in a major crime syndicate's grasp and he just...ends up staying at the Harrington Manor after that and nobody in the family even questions it and now he mans the Batcomputer under codename Oracle ("Dustin, you can't just keep giving everything a codename" - "Fucking watch me")

Jargyle meeting at a Harrington charity ball and have a whole doki doki strangers to lovers because they 100% deserve a meet-cute in this AU

Anyways back to Ronance, Nancy falling in love with the snarky and witty Superwoman that always comes when Nancy needs her and Robin panicking because she's realised that she's head over heels for Wheeler and can't do a single thing about it meanwhile Steve teases her about the Wheeler Effect:

"The what?"

"The Wheeler Effect: I used to be in love with Nancy, she and Jonathan used to date, hell even Dustin crushed on her at some point -"

"STEVE YOU PROMISED NOT TO TELL ANYONE -"

I guess Eddie could be The Freak (like the Creeper from the animated series, but less Joker venom and more clothes) in a Catwoman role? Giving Steve a run for his money (sometimes literally) while secretly mentoring the Robins, much to the Bat's annoyance

[theplanetprince]

Some more dash and a-lister posts that technically aren't canon but I feel like should be.

-Sam before her goth phase used to actually have playdates with Dash and Paulina because of parental obligation things. They all have a mutual understanding to never bring this up.

-they were the kids that had elaborate/cursed pretend barbie soap operas.

-dash stopped hanging around the girls in like the 5th grade, and this kick started Sam's joker phase bc of this "betrayal."

-Paulina's family bought a bunch of possibly haunted furniture from Ghostwriter's estate sale -- it has the side effect of giving her weird dreams and chronic head aches, but damn that chaise lounge looks killer.

-i full hearted believe that Dash if given enough time would have become the phantom's team medic. And when asked why he was such a jackass freshman year he would say "its because it's infinitely easier to hurt people than to fix them."

-on top of the cutesy band aids and teddy bear collection, Dash has a pink DS as well as other stuff like this. Its genuinely his favorite color, mostly because it's practical-- you can see it really easily, he knows no one else on the football team would have pink stuff-- ten percent because it looks good on him.

-Dash is Sidney Poindexter's Nephew. Sidney Poindexter was Dash's Father's brother.

-Same thread I think it would be funny if Star was distantly related to Young Blood- explaining her childish traits.

-Kwan's family owns a liquor store or some other small business in town. I say liquor store because it would be really funny to have a store called "Amity Park Spirits."

-Kwan's dad I feel like would be friends with Jack. Or at the very least Kwan's dad is friendly with Jack.

-Kwan is extremely different around strangers versus his real friends. Kwan is formal and courteous with strangers whereas his friendship Dash allows them both to indulge in their worst traits.

-Kwan and Val are Exs but are still really good friends, because no one can resist Kwan's charms. No one.

-Paulina and Dash love horror movies, Kwan can't stand them.

-Kwan is actually just a big of a coward as Dash maybe bigger but his fear response is to freeze, instead of run.

-Paulina, Dash, and Star try to keep up with the Phantom and ghost stuff-- while Kwan and Wes sound like those guys who can't tell celebrities apart.

-Kwan and Wes-- underrated dynamic I feel. Absolute Sunshine Child with the crustiest little guy.

-Wes only looks short in comparison to the others but being the basketball dork he still towers over the phantom trio. Though Paulina and Star don't let him get a big head about it-- they wear heels to dwarf him.

-Wes and Tucker are on the school paper together. Half because Wes is stalking them, half because he wants to perfect the craft of writing the perfect roast. Tucker despite thinking Wes is a total clown show often works with him on assignments.

[mercurygray]

Can I request Molly & Tab, #6: things you said in the shade of a tree? please and thank you!

Whatever regular spoilers you'd put for 1.10, I guess. We can't have nice things on this blog.

Mornings looked different after nights like these.

Molly stood under the trees and considered the lake. The last eight or nine hours had been a blur, Tab coming through the hall and pounding on the doors, rousing everyone out who was there to be roused that Captain Speirs was having them put out roadblocks and run a man to ground.

Half-sleeping and confused, they went, focus becoming sharper as more details emerged and anger was allowed to take root in place of fear.

Chuck Grant had been shot.

The man they were being sent to find had done it, some nobody from nowhere who'd been on a bender and didn't know his right foot from his left, drunk as hell and stupid for it.

It had been a while, since they'd been in a battle, but her body remembered it - everyone's did. Hands remembered routines, muscles fell back into the rhythms they'd rehearsed so often at Mackall and practiced in Normandy, and Holland, and Belgium.

And they'd found him, all right. Didn't take but a few hours, and they'd dragged him, drunk but slowly sobering, back to the CP to await whatever judgement the law allowed - and whatever punishment they could dole out in the meantime. Molly had come back late to that - she and Hannah were standing in the hall with Floyd and George and their card game when the Captain came back, sidearm already in hand.

Billie's knuckles were already bloody, in the other room - Molly had caught the flash of an arm, heard the familiar sound of fist meeting flesh. She knew Billie's anger, but she wasn't sure she wanted to see its effects. But then, no one had wanted to see Chuck's head half-open either, and this was merely like for like. From the looks of things, Billie had it in her mind to open this joker's head up, too - and would have done, if Speirs hadn't shown up to do the job himself.

She hadn't heard everything, though someone told her afterwards about Speirs and saying sir. She'd been too busy watching Tab, staring down at his game of cards, merely listening to the other room.

It was morning now - the soldier had been packed off to the MPs and not a word was said about the bloody state of his face. Everyone had slowly drifted back to bed, to get whatever sleep they could after it was agreed morning drill would be cancelled.

Billie had not come back to their room last night, and Molly did not need to ask where she had gone. Things like that were better left unsaid. She'd meant to go back to sleep, but dawn was too close and sleep would not come, so she'd wandered outside, taking a walk through Zell's deserted streets before coming back to the hotel and the lake, and seeing Tab under the shade of one of the oaks, legs sprawled in front of him, staring into space.

He looked up as she walked over and cleared her throat, silently acknowledging her before his eyes went back to the water. For a while neither spoke. "Is he going to be okay?" Molly asked.

Tab sniffed and dug the heel of his boot into the dirt, looking out at the early morning calm of the lake, the ducks making their slow and leisurely ripples across the water. "Don't know. Doctor says they won't know for a few hours - give his system time to rest. It's a big…a big maybe."

It wasn't the only thing she wanted to know. "Are you gonna be okay?" He said nothing. "You did everything you could, Tab." Everything short of punching that man, and that wasn't ever going to do anything - not really. Billie got in enough for the both of you.

"Yeah, I'm…I'll be fine." The silence was expansive. He swallowed and took a deep breath. "This place is really pretty."

Molly considered the lake, the ducks and the mountains and the way the morning sun was hitting all of it, somehow washing away the night before. "Yeah. Yeah, it is."

[get-your-fuckin-star-bitch]

I REALLY want to just kind of post the whole draft thingy all at once but I also want to revise it but I also keep getting sidetracked so HERE’S THE DRAFT!!! Pretty much completely unedited! It’s just me rambling about stuff!

So he’s an orphan, because the entire point of him and his sister reaching the train had been to escape from their parents. Fortunately — and unfortunately — the platform is crowded, and busy, bustling with going here and there, trying to make it to the next train, pushing past people who’ve just arrived, shouting to each other, shouting at each other, pushing, shoving, jostling, and all in all, sweeping the poor boy up in the chaos, dragging him along with the human current. He hasn’t got a clue where he’s going. He’s too short to see over the tops of people’s heads.

But after several more moments of claustrophobic, confused movement, the current parts, abruptly dispersing around the boy and leaving him standing, on his own once again, in the middle of a crooked, winding street.

Suitcase clutched in one hand, he stares up at the signpost on the curb, trying to see where he is.

South Avenue, at the intersection of it, fourth, and third. The buildings seemed to loom over the street, giving a nasty, menacing air to the twisted roads, the cloudy, gray sky adding a sinister tone to the whole scene’s atmosphere.

“Hey. Kid.”

The boy turns around, and manages to spot the pair of policemen approaching him, their faces glaring at him from under their hats. His eyes widen, fear flickering in the green and brown irises. But before the cops can even get close enough to grab him, the kid turns, spinning on his heel with the speed of a child who’d been accustomed to making quick escapes, typically from the wraths of a pair of unhappy parents, and streaks down the street, suitcase held tightly against his chest.

“HEY!”

The sound of the quickened footsteps behind him does not deter him, doesn’t make him stop. The boy’s head of ginger hair bobs and weaves as he ducks and zips past pedestrians and shopkeepers, narrowly missing a fire hydrant and almost getting tangled up in the leash of a dog being walked by an old woman with a floral-patterned sun hat, who gives a surprised “oh!!” as he passes her by, the policemen following closely behind.

It isn’t long before his escape attempt is foiled, however.

BUT! Even though the cops are threatening to shove him into the orphanage, he manages to avoid being sent there, because while they’re trying to drag him away, this shopkeeper sees him and goes "that's my boy! Sonny, come here! Thank god you two found him, I've been worried sick!" And so the man took him in.

The man's a watchmaker and clockmaker.

Of course.

Jervis basically apprentices under him, the man teaches him and reads to him and everything.

Favorite book, Alice in wonderland, (starts off innocent and all that, y’know)

Man looks like Geppetto or whatever his name is

Man eventually dies of old age, jervis can't inherit the shop cause of legal reasons regarding the man's will, but fortunately he's now old enough to find a job for himself.

He keeps the Alice in wonderland book, as a memento, and... tucked inside..... or perhaps in the spine of the book.... there's a single small pocketwatch, on a chain.

Made for Tetch.

With a beautifully engraved little hat on the outside, and jervis's initials on the inside.

One last little gift from the old man.

Jervis obviously keeps the book, and the watch, and reads it every night before he goes to sleep, never going ANYWHERE without either the book or the watch, because of both sentimentality and fear of either of them being stolen.

He has to rent a motel room for a couple of nights. And then gets chased out by the manager, cause he can't afford it for more than a few nights.

Then he stumbles upon a casino/bar thingy.

Decides he might as well try his luck there, and see if they're hiring.

Some guy there (it's not joker don't worry it's just a random citizen) who's drunk and sees that he has a pocketwatch is like "Ey!!! You got one of those hypno-shizzle things??!" Which puts jervis on edge, cause this place isn't exactly the sort of place you'd go to AVOID criminals who want to steal your fantastic-condition antique book and/or pocketwatch-

"Lemme see!!!! Do the thing!!!!!"

And he has NO idea what the guy's talking about, at first, but then he realizes the guy wants him to "do the thing" that he's seen people do on tv-

With the swinging-a-thing-side-to-side thing.

Y’know………, hypnosis.

*wink wink hint hint winkity wink wink williffifillink-* /goofy

So, EXTREMELY embarrassed,

uncomfortable, and nervous about how many drunk people are suddenly watching him out of the corners of their eyes, he picks the pocketwatch up by the chain, opens it - for effect, and slowly "does the thing", feeling EXTREMELY silly but trying not to show it as he tries to gently swing the pocketwatch back and forth.

Trying to remember what the people on television used to do, he summons up the most dramatic, hypnosis- voice he can possibly manage, again trying not to feel TOO self-conscious....

…and goes through the basic instructions, passing off the man's startlingly prompt obedience of the instructions as just the man mocking him-

Until he says to do something absolutely

INSANE, that NO one would EVER do willingly, and watches in astonishment as the man starts to do exactly that-!

He stops the man, of course, after that moment of shock and realization, but the entire bar is now his audience.

They're absolutely INCREDULOUS, and so is he.

So, of course, he does the whole "uhhh ahahaha yeah I meant to do that" thing- and bows a little, as the room erupts into drunken applause

As time passes, he basically becomes a professional hypnotist, though he only

"performs" for that one bar.

..At first.

Then one day, a regular at the bar tells him she's found him a gig- at the local hotel and casino: The Colosseum.

(I Will FLIP out if that's The name of a canon place in the original Gotham universe 1)

Hsishsshh

Nervously, and with a bit of reluctance, he goes, and completely KILLS it. (Not literally, don't worry. Not yet- /hi)

And from there, he gets more gigs. Gradually going higher and higher up on the venue

"food chain".

It's a major confidence booster. And a bit of inspiration hits him when someone mentions the book he carries around, plus the hat engraved on his watch, saying that it's "like the mad hatter, innit?"

Cue costume wardrobe change.

But into a COOL version of the mad hatter outfit, y'know- not like he's been pulled straight out of the 1970s/60s animated movie-

Cause the crowds would HATE that

They'd be like "ew who's this weird guy"

At least, in his mind, they would. They probably would love it even MORE, but. Self-confidence is still not his strong suit- /Ih

The crowd goes absolutely WILD when he shows up onstage with the moniker "the mad hatter” and a colorful-yet- fitting costume.

Now, it might seem like this is a bit over-the-top-hat for a man who's a professional HYPNOTIST.

But, see... that thing he told the man to do?

I don't believe I properly explained just WHAT he said.

What he told the man to do… was something along the lines of "stand on your head, start reciting the first poem you think of, and start floating in thin air."

Sort of sarcastically. Cause, of course, he thought the man would just drop the act, laugh, and be like "ahhhh, that was a good one-" and then they could maybe have a normal conversation and the man would leave him alone after that.

The man, however, walked into the center of the room.

Managed to stand on his head ENTIRELY unaided, despite being clearly VERY drunk.

Began reciting the first poem that came to mind.

And began.

HOVERING.

Only rising very slowly at first, but after a few moments, he was about a foot off the floor, still reciting the poem.

At which point, of course, Tetch was like "oh, SHOOT" and snapped him out of it.

Eventually, he finally gets hired, and starts doing touring shows with this company called the miss fits

(Was the first thing that popped into my head)

The two of which are kind of shit to him

(Oh yeah the company's led by these two nasty bitches)

(Gina and Kat)

They keep trying to get him to do stuff he

REALLY doesn't want to do

Which results in him basically just hating himself and feeling generally really miserable

So eventually he snaps at them, right after their show in Gotham.

They'd just performed for mr Wayne at his office building.

(Of course-)

But after the performance and his big argument with the managers, who actually throw him out…

He's got nothing.

They legally own all of his profits.

he's broke, again. Pretty much homeless, feeling like a wreck. And the self-hatred is feeling VERY strong.

He hasn't even been able to change out of his show costume.

The only things he took with him were the book and pocketwatch.

And his suitcase.

So he's just on the street corner, crying, feeling like everyone's staring at him as the cars pass, like they're weirded out by the costume that everyone used to love.

Grossed out by the sobbing, by the fact that he's stranded on the corner. He must look like some disheveled madman.

The poor guy feels like he's all out of options.

And then somebody's voice comes from behind him, in the alleyway.

"Helloooo... Pray tell, are you the mad hatter…?"

(Ah crap forgot to tag @tiredconcepts )

[sanguine-salvation]

Viktor Zsasz is chosen. Viktor Zsasz has a mission. Viktor Zsasz is a Terror and the reason you don't walk down dark alleys alone. Viktor Zsazs--is not a pushover, which is the sight of them being hefted by a tall, snarling woman bleeding from a dozen flesh wounds causes Gotham itself to freeze.

Yeah, the abstract concept of Gotham. That one.

"All I wanted! Is one night--fuckfuckfuckmyhand--!" The heavy plastic lid of the dumpster blonks against the alleyway bricks as its shoved high, releasing a belch of hot garbage. A hoodie-wrapped Zsasz flails in Tess McKay's arms as they're lifted high, a weedy high school nerd ready for a jock's wedgie. Except in this case, the "nerd" is a zealot of a serial killer, the "jock" is a mutant hopped up on multiple energy drinks who had to abandon her opera tickets to chase after them. Also, the nerd stabbed the jock like, five times--

"Get in there! I-- said-- get-- in!"

Somewhere, the Joker is looking up from his game of toilet Candy Crush. Poison Ivy stops fertilizing her garden with token redshirts. Bruce Wayne looks out the window of Wayne Manor and into the peaceful night and decides, 'nah. I'm going to take the night off.'

There is flailing and kicking and a palpable air of insult as Viktor attempts for the dozenth time to wriggle out of her hands. Because they so know where this is going.

At least now they know she is a very aggressive patron of the arts.

"One night! Ha, we don't— urgh! Don't you dare! You can't keep me from— augh!" They thrash in her arms, swinging their heel back blindly towards her head. Or where they assume her head was, anyway. They'd scored several hits, maybe a bite or two, but range was a problem now.

Their knife had been lost a few yards back, though the evidence of their partial success is painted all over both of them to the point where a man who had been taking a smoke in the end of the alley wisely turned tail and left nature to its course. They claw at their thigh, but it isn't quite close enough. Admittedly it is also very hard to grab another of their many extra weapons when they are wrangled at both ends and hoisted over her head like a not-particularly challenging barbell.

Which is... an interesting sensation to realize. Oh. Stong.

But reality is a swift hunter, and they are wrenched back into it when they find themself getting thunked very unceremoniously into the stinking, slimy, clingy garbage. Filth, dirty, sticking on their skin, crawling, itching! The look on their face at such a barrage of unpleasant stimuli makes them look more like a cat soaked in jello than one of Gotham's Most Wanted.

There is a beat of silence. Honestly more than they have ever afforded the Dark Knight.

Then they throw a fetid, oozy banana peel at her face.

And then they lurch out with a growl, new knife, and indignant fury. Wait, how many knives do they have and where...?

[jackalpants]

Okay so this would be my pitch for an elseworlds Joker:

Kayfabe Joker.

In short: former pro wrestler who is trying to be a heel to Batman's face, but keeps having to do actual crimes and threaten actual innocents because otherwise it doesn't look real and the Bat doesn't show up.

So, we start with our Joker in the ring. He's a career heel, takes out a guy with the Last Laugh, his signature move. We watch him wash up and turn back into regular Jack Napier- we find out he's REALLY committed to the kayfabe bit, pretends he's Joker's manager for the fans when he's out of makeup, and he's Gotham born and bred, since way back. Big family in the East End.

He has a very bad day.

The Falcone family have taken over the wrestling company he works for, they're leaning down Jack's neck to find out who Joker is- they shot his boss, the guy who knows, and the wrestlers he came up with are getting out of town. Starting over in Star City. But he can't come with them, he's got roots here, man. He goes home, and sees the smoke, and it's a big fire. A bad one. Kills off the Napiers entirely- there's a story where his family is used as one line to underscore that the Bat-man saved a bunch of kids and he's like.

This is the guy. This city is miserable as hell, and bad, but hey, check it out, there is such a thing as a diamond in the rough. A dark knight for the dark city.

But the news keeps piling up the negative headlines. Batman beats up cops! Well of course, everyone knows those guys were crooked. Batman is a dangerous vigilante! Batman can't be trusted! Mayor promises task force to bring down this brutal thug!

And Jack can't take it any more. But he knows how to fix it. Every face needs a charismatic heel, and this guy's got the chops but he never touches the mike.

He gets the Joker makeup tattooed onto his face. No going back.

And he "robs a bank." All in character, goons and thugs and him back in the trunks and the boots and the wrapped hands, and he's home again, and he can do the laugh, and listen to that terrified crowd!

And then the bat comes, and he does a little crowd work, and then- the real test- the Bat doesn't kill him. Hits him hard enough that he can fake a good knockout, and Joker thinks to himswlf, The Bat KNOWS it's all fake. The Bat KNOWS. He's in on it, he gets it. The Joker is a great idea and the Bat loves it. It's so much better when you work with a professional.

A Joker who thinks he and the Bat are performing for a crowd. Who, in quiet moments without an audience, tells the Bat he's doin' great. Good work. The audience is really eating this up, man, they love you out there. Oh hey, it's the cops! You'll never stop me, Batman! I've rigged city hall to blow the moment I drop this dead man's switch!

A man trapped in a folie a deux with an unwilling dance partner. Doing his best. Gotham's greatest heel.

[unkledeath]

Tagged by the very lovely @dandelion-bride, very excited to do this!

Ezra Deschain, high half-elf bard/warlock. (College of Shadows, natch, but he spent most of it doing keg stands and charming fellow students, so his major isn't super important.) Current surface-level profession is professional musician and rabble-rouser, actual job is information broker/blackmailer/professional life-ruiner. Current chosen of Vecna, as well as holder of his eye!

2. Pre-BG3, he's neutral evil. He's happy to fuck up people's lives in the service of an evil god because from his point of view, most of the deserve it anyway - and even if they don't, he doesn't really care because this is working for him. He gets along well enough with Gortash at the start because he's also fucking over the aristocracy that Ezra hates, but he starts to change his mind once he begins to put the pieces together that his erstwhile business partner and bang buddy is following Bane. It's actually Gorty's status as Bane's chosen that makes Ezra turn heel on him to begin with, because while he's evil too, he still believes in people's right to fuck up their own lives first. (See that famous comic panel of the Joker turning against the Red Skull for an idea of how this worked out.)

In a funny way it's Gortash that ultimately starts Ezra on the path towards, if not good, then at least slightly better. Because no matter how nasty your lich-lord is, brains in jars and bombs in teddy bears is probably gonna give you some sort of pause.

3. Ezra follows Vecna, god of secrets, and is in fact his chosen! Gortash uncovers this during their time working together, and seeks to use it to his advantage; after all, what's more useful to the god of tyranny than someone who knows the secrets at the heart of all mortal things? Since Vecna is a much weaker god than Bane, Gortash figures it'll be an easy enough task to lasso him into his complete subservience. (He assumes wrongly, granted, but you can't fault the guy for thinking it.)

4. Ezra met Gortash looooooong before an alliance for anything was ever proposed. He served him as an information broker for a year prior to the events of BG3, and when he was first approached by Gort for his services, his initial thoughts were: "Oh, you look like fun."

And he was! For a time. For the first few months of their union, Ezra found him good enough fun, and more than good enough pay. The attraction was immediate and strong, and more importantly, he thought he had the upper hand. (He didn't, but we'll get there.)

5. The two of them first made their connection while Gortash was still making his bid for archduke. As someone with a wealth of insider information on the nobility, Ezra was perfectly-placed to help, and was hired on to help him in his ascension. Their professional relationship turned quickly to a personal one as well, and the pair soon gave validity to the old saying that politics makes for strange bedfellows.

Gortash initially saw a pretty face and a wealth of information in Ezra. He didn't value him beyond the fact that he was hot, but that was enough to keep them going for several months before he started to dig into the reason why this funny little bard seemed so interested in him. Beyond being a useful tea-gatherer and political advisor, Gortash mostly sees him as an attractive sidepiece.

Ezra saw Gortash as a way to fund his vices at first. He quickly rose from sugar daddy to a way to score brownie points with Vecna, as having a more powerful god's chosen on a leash would most likely mean his lich lord's future ascendancy. (Also, he thought Gorty was pretty hot. Not as hot as he was, but still hot.)

6. MmmmMMMMM. Not good. A month prior to the events of BG3, Gortash finally lost his patience with Ezra and used a mindflayer tadpole on him similar to the one he'd used on his own parents, because fuck you, I'm the most powerful one in our godly dick-measuring contest. After dumping him in the woods with most of his memories gone or altered, he waited to see what would happen.

And one of two things happens:

A. The mostly positive route! Ezra recovers his memories over the course of the game, and when the time comes to confront Gortash at Wyrm's Rock, he has the presence of mind to realize what he's done. Our bard friend has had a profound reorganization of priorities, and kills his scumbag ex-boyfriend in the name of doing right by others for a change.

or

B. Oh god oh gee oh fuck. Ezra doesn't recover most of his memories and goes back to Wyrm's Rock thinking that Gortash loved him and he needs to make amends. He makes amends by having Gortash lobotomize him via tadpole and kill/hurt most of his party members. Ezra is repurposed into an automaton by the name of Songbird, whose high charisma and godly powers are used by DJ MC Gorty Gort to charm the populace of Faerun as he pushes to become God-Emperor of All Toril. (For appropriate vibes, listen to Hatsune Miku's "This is the Happiness and Peace of Mind Committee.")

I think most of my friends have already been tagged, so...If you've got a Tavtash ship, this is your open invitation to share this. I'm tagging you!

TavTash Tag Game

@bearhugsandshrugs post about the very small TavTash community inspired me to make this: I want to learn more about you and your Tavs!

Tell us a bit about your Tav! 

What alignment is your Tav? How does that align or clash with Gortash? Do they agree with him morally?

What God does your Tav follow? Is Gortash's position as Bane's chosen an issue? 

What did your Tav think of Gortash when they first met? Did they take his offer of an alliance? 

How did Gortash and your Tav get together? What do they see in each other? 

What does the future hold for your Tav and Gortash? Are they in a relationship, a one time thing, are they going to rule the sword coast together or kill each other in a tragic showdown?

I tag @bearhugsandshrugs, @avani-telvanni and @nyda-the-tav, plus any Tavtashers who see this!

[toxicbubblegum212]

Bowers Gang ~ All the shit you would get up to ~

Hey want more check out my masterlist

Masterlist here (click me)

Henry:

- You two are some wild motherfuckers!!!!

- You and Henry do all the bad things!

- I speak for the gang when i say "we all would not be surprised if you planed to rob a bank at some point."

- The two of you would drink, smoke, dope all of it

- The wildest thing the two of you have done is cause a high way chase with a stolen vehicle (not belches thank god) got out, ran on foot and some how got away for police.

- The two of you are just as twisted as each other which made it all the more perfect.

- Your next biggest plan is to teach Victor and Henry how to count cards. Yes you plan beat the gambling system and become rich..its still a work in process but your sure your positive it ill pay up some day.

- You also taught Henry how to pickpocket, not that henry is good at it but it's getting better.

- The two of you could jack cars as you learn't how to high jack the system and start the car up.

- You and Henry are quite the team, your skills are what made Henry so interested in you. When he learn't more about you he grew to love the Thrill just like you do.

- The thrill of getting caught, the thrill of getting shot. Its insane yes but you do you both love it.

- only if it was possible to get high off a thrill....

- You also taught Henry how to live life and enjoy it a bit more.

- You invited him over to your aunt and uncles and taught him how to ride dirt bikes. Now its the only thing he wants to do.

- Soon enough the two of you will be racing up and down the streets of Derry.

Patrick :

- Patrick loves but also can't stand how fucking cunning you are.

- Your even worse then him!

- Your can say out loud that you have figured out Patrick hockstetter.

- Even Patrick is a bit intimidated.

- At first he wanted to kill you cause you knew to much plane and simple.

- But sadly the group took a liking to you and thought that you should not only stay but join.

- Patrick did not like it one bit, you were able to do things that made him feel uncomfortable.

- Patrick got pissed off, he didn't like the amount of control you had over him. Then he realised that he had met his match.

- The two of you made peace and thats when your both started reeking havoc on the kids in Derry.

- You personally had a thing for Greta, you just wanted to see her suffer so bad. Simply because it would be amusing.

- You didn't know what to do, punch her so hard in her face that it breaks her nose or shoving your heel through her eye socket.

- Patrick loves this side of you, you were unbelievably sexy...to him at least.

- Both you and Patrick were psycho.

- The gang is petrified of the both of you.

- You have proven yourself fully capable of handling Henry and they see no difference if you were to take on an Adult or the older year levels.

- You and Patrick have considered kidnapping people to torture before but never when through with it.

- You are both masters of manipulation so if you both want something the chances are of you both getting it are extremely high.

- You taught Patrick the beauty of strategy and hey taught you the art of trickery others.

- Henry thrived off your skills, you took on other gangs. You could easily spot weakness in both fighting and through normal conversation.

- Patrick and Henry would act on your word and soon beat the crap out of the student both emotionally and physically.

- You and Patrick are good together but bad for everyone else that isn't in your good books.

- "Joker to his Harley" is what many refer to you both as.

- That doesn't mean that things between you and Patrick don't get tense.

- There's a lot of pain and love in the things you both do but thats what makes you want each other all the more.

Victor:

- You and victor honestly don't get up to bad stuff you just hangout with the not so appropriate people...

- Both you and victor often just enjoy each others time.

- Victor takes you out to many places like the beach, restaurants, movies all that.

- You and Victor are both pretty level headed people so you both get along well.

- However you and victor are badass if anyone was to rub one of you the wrong way.

- You have victors back and he's got yours.

- It's this bond that made you both grow closer and trust each ultimately resulted in your beautiful relationship.

- Victor respected you end of.

- When it came to beating up kids victor was never overly violent.

- But with your presents its a different story, especially is someone is threatening you.

- You and Victor pull up just to kick ass

- It's just like in the cartoons.

- The both of you have fun tho, you laugh and giggle.

- You and Victor after growing close actually go over to each others houses quite frequently.

- You gave Victor the keys and he gave you his so you can freely pop over anytime.

- Victor always spends the night with you, he comes back late and a tipsy but you trust him.

- Victor just wants you to be happy even if its not with him...

Blech:

- You and belch are super chill.

- Expect rides in the Trans am 24/7

- Don't be surprised if Belch wants you to come on a road trip with him and his family.

- Belch takes you sometimes, he's usually occupied by the gang but you respect that.

- Just like Belch you share your own interest in cars, you plan to get a mustang.

- You also know quite a bit about drag racing, drifting, street racing etc.

- This stresses the hell out of Belch but he admits it's cool to watch.

- You end up teaching him a couple of moves here and there...

- Henry fucking loves it when your driving!!!

- Everyone else however has like a 5 second heart attack.

- Henry likes it so much he's made you get away driver!

- Belch teaches you a lot abut car parts and how they work, which you appreciate since you know it will defiantly become handy some day.

- Belch takes you out to parts with him and always invites you over to dinner.

- Your two families get along so you often spend time together during Christmas eve.

- The craziest thing you both have done is street race all over Derry and not get caught by the cops.

- You both were ridiculously luck that day

[bangchanswolfpelt]

yeahhhh you get me you GET me (i'm about to word vomit at you so i'm sorry in advance)

- i too have no romantic/sexual feelings towards seungkwan, he's simply My Boy i wanna be his best friend and fight people for him and peel him tangerines

- wonwoo is. *deep breath* he sure is. the joker performance. i-

- skz minho is just so CHAOTIC and i love that in a man, but channie is perfect bf material and hyunjin is so pretty and soft and talented???? and the long hair????? girl help (gender neutral)

- seungmin is like that... he seems so innocent and sweet until you notice how much he teases both stays and the members and let me tell you there was a Specific vlive where i went OOP 😳 but i can never find it ;w;

- PLSS hongjoongie was my bias until (and this is so shallow and hilarious) he cut his hair before kingdom. i don't like short-short hair on men like, attraction-wise (short-short hair's not really my thing unless it's a woman doing it) but black cat nero hongjoong had me in a vice grip and seonghwa with the curly longer black hair deja vu era is climbing up the ladder.

- if u didn't notice i really like long haired pretty boys. this may have been the catalyst for gyu coming dangerously close to toppling junnie as my txt bias during lover loser era. HE WORE A SHORT PLEATED SHIRT AND HAD LONG HAIR WITH HIGHLIGHTS AND I AM WEAK. I LOVE A PROUD ANDROGYNOUS LOOKING MAN SECURE IN HIS MASCULINITY

- also when hyunjin cut his hair i was devastated i went through the 5 stages of grief and invented 2 more (denial 2, astral projection)

- oh god, iu. iu is SO. god. my friends still make fun of me bc the day after i binged half of hotel the luna i spent the entire time explaining the plot but had to stop every 2 minutes to inform them of how Pretty that woman is. like. she is SO PRETTY AND TALENTED I CAN'T

- and yeah i know sunmi's song tail (moreso the mv than the song itself, but the choreo SLAPS you should watch the studio choom dance) is a representation of the way that women are cast aside and seen as "garbage" after they're "ruined" or "spoiled" because they were used by men!!

- i love eaj!!! love that he's more free and able to speak his mind now, love his music, love his dynamic with other idols (his podcast with aleXa, who is a sweetheart, is adorable and hilarious)

- JESSIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII I LOVE HER THAT IS ALL

- dpr music is SO GOOD

- eric nam is hilarious and i love his music i would die for this man. i would've bullied him in high school (affectionate).

- seori's vocals in txt's ikily and her own stuff are so pretty! her collabs with eaj were *chef's kiss*

- what are your opinions on jay park swoony i'd like to hear them

- lisa in how you like that slammed me into the ground and stepped on me in high heels jesus fuck

- THE SUNWOO LINK I- 👁️👄👁️ he's one of my ult biases he's like. a whiny baby who wants attention. but also he could 100% top me. ultimate cutie boyfriend and actively encourages deobis to see him like that????? gets jealous when deobis watch other idols???? incredible performer???? just wants affection???? would fuck me into the mattress but also want headpats afterwards??? what a switchy nightmare of a boy. i want to tie him up but i also want to sit in his lap

- not gonna ask u to get into the boyz bc i know you are Overwhelmed enough by ur own new boys, but just a little taste: sangyeon has daddy energy similar to chan, kevin is an unprecedented meme queen named after the kid from home alone, jacob is a Sweet Boy, new and q are chaotic and incredibly pretty besties, and younghoon's nickname is bread.

WHEW ok im done the word vomit is over <333 sorry its a million words long

xoxo honey 🍯

holy shit, this is SO LATE, i'm sorry you got buried in my drafts, boo 💀

Seungkwan is Best Boy, absolutely!! i just wanna sit in the stands with a camcorder while he murders people, he's precious perfect son

god, JOKER, i simply cannot—i had no idea that was Wonwoo when i first saw it, i didn't know his voice well enough to recognize it yet and also just wasn't expecting THAT to come out of HIM????? so i was losing my mind trying to figure out who it was and then lost it even more when the mask came off 🤡 the entire HHU is fucking insane honestly, we gotta talk about a HHU gangbang one of these days now that Vernon's on his hot bitch shit 💀

there were SO MANY weird anecdotes i heard about stray kids before i got into them that i found out later were ALL Minho—him telling Stays he hoped they’d fall into a toilet, stuffing tissue into Hyunjin’s mouth, the terrifying snow filters 😂 he was honestly making me fall in love with him before i even knew who he was, it's absurd. and i think i get what you mean by teasing—i remember that one fancall where he was very slyly 'are you into younger men?', plus the way he was shamelessly flirting with Eunkwang during kingdom 👀

ahahahaha, i get you with the short hair!! when i was just getting into them, i also definitely thought that was Unfortunate 😒 but haircut/style can become a nonissue for me if i like someone enough and Joongie very quickly reached the point where he’d be attractive to me no matter what his hair looked like 😭 like, if he shaved his head, i might cry but id still want to peg him 😭😭😭 BLACK CAT NERO HONGJOONG MAKES ME DOWNRIGHT FUCKIN FERAL, THO, THE PONYTAIL??? WITH THE WISPIES????? PLEASE RAIL ME IN A GRAVEYARD, SIR

LONG-HAIRED GYU IS TOP TIER GYU and i literally only know one stage of grief when it comes to Hyunjin's hair and it's denial 😌 has it been cut? 😌😌😌 i simply do not see it 😌😌😌😌😌

IU is wild to me because. if i try to explain what makes her stand out, i literally cannot???? like, she's beautiful and talented, but there's something beyond that that just drags your guard down and want to use big dumb words like 'insouciant' and 'vivacious'—she's just so goddamn charming, that woman has a +15 to charisma i swear 😭

the tl;dr on Jay Park is that i find his habit of yoinking artists who seem to have had a rough time with other, bigger companies very amusing, and i think the way that these artists seem to be thriving with him probably says quite a bit about who he is as a person. his biggest sin seems to be saying dumb, problematic bullshit, and when that doesn't get followed up with more serious allegations, i'm more inclined to believe you're just an asshole with no filter rather than like. an actual menace to society. (caveat: i absolutely do not keep up with scandals or really go digging into past ones, so like. do with that what you will.) is the bar very low here? absolutely. but i'm still gonna write about pegging his scrawny ass, and i'm probably still gonna drag my ass up to Seattle to throw a bra on that stage when he gets that ass back on tour.

i'm so glad you enjoyed the fic!!!! i rlly enjoy that particular writer, and when they popped up with a fic about one of the boys who just KEPT catching my eye during kingdom, it felt like an awful, hilarious trap 🤡

i appreciate you not trying to get me into a new group 😭 i am definitely wavering on The Boyz, tho—i don't know how but @tmrwxtg ruined my youtube algorithm and i mainlined a bunch of their mvs today. so far it's still only Sangyeon and Sunwoo who really have my attention, but we'll see how long that lasts 🥴 but also, for someone not trying to get me into a new group, you are SELLING me on Sunwoo—i love a bratty dom, love a boy who's jealous and needy and soft, sign me the fuck up?? 👀👀👀👀

also, i think i remember Kevin!! wasn't he the one who was twerking during the sports episode of kingdom? wait was he ACTUALLY named after Kevin Home Alone????