#can't be bothered to cook despite needing food to not be miserable
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Ah. It's one of these days.
#can't find the motivation to write/draw despite itching to create#can't be bothered to cook despite needing food to not be miserable#can't play on my switch to change my mind because plugging the dock is too much effort#wants to reach out to friends and yet feels like it would be pointless#and my brain is beating me with a stick to reminde that all these thoughts are Bad For Me#while in body I'm just.#'rien 脿 foutre#i need a kick in the ass#not in a self harming way but in a car starting is stuck way
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Can I have modern au Hosea just鈥eing a dad please I鈥檓 miserable
I'm sorry I had writers block I hope you are doing okay please enjoy much Hosea being a dad.
Hosea remembers the books the gang is reading and will ask how they're finding them and details. He remembers and shows interest in what chapter they're up to despite not reading the book himself.
No one is allowed to fall asleep on the couch without waking up covered in a blanket because Hosea will never risk them being cold.
No matter what time of night he is contacted Hosea will drag himself out of bed to pick up whichever of his wayward children has gotten lost/drunk from whatever address they have send him.
Hosea drops off food whenever one of the gang move out because learning to budget in modern era is a burden even to those who grew up in modern era. He will always include a borderline dismissive note of 'Bessie made too much' despite the fact a) he is the primary cook after he learns to use modern appliances and b) he always makes their favorite meal.
Hosea remembers everyone's favorite snacks and will go out of the house with the sole purpose of picking them up when someone is having a tough time.
If someone is interrupted, he will ask them to continue the story after the interruption is over. This includes Sean, who is garbage at telling stories and will tell four stories the story he is trying to tell reminded him of.
Due to convincing himself he is too old to work and not really willing to learn about modern era Hosea is a house husband. Scolding people for walking over freshly mopped floors, cooking dinner (mostly olde time recipes he barely adapts to modern ingredients), sitting down reading definitely not waiting for the sound of Bessie getting home.
Being too enthusiastic about any of the gang's achievements, no matter how slight. Embarrassingly enthusiastic. Applauded the first time Arthur successfully parallel-parked. Stands up and shouts 'that's my son!' every single time Lenny gets another certificate/degree.
Insists on walking everyone down the aisle if they decide to get married. Cries every single time. Almost buckled over in tears when John and Abigail were married in modern era because they both asked him to walk them down the aisle. To be fair no one cried as hard as Arthur, who needed a 'smoke break' in the middle of them saying their vows.
If someone is having an obvious quiet but doesn't necessarily want to be alone moment he will make hot cocoa and ask what is going on. Maybe it's the inner conman or maybe he is just more trustworthy post-timewarp but he is very good at getting people to talk about what's bothering them especially when they can't fully articulate it. He knows all the gang's secrets and will take them to the grave (well, next grave.)
Will remember that cool thing someone pointed out while shopping and secretly buy it as a gift. However he is useless at waiting until gift-giving occasions so it's just weeks later 'surprise! here's that thing you wanted. Don't ask what I paid for it'. (because he didn't)
Constantly tells people he's proud of them. Regrets not saying it more in canon era. Esp Arthur and John but tells everyone he's proud of the people they're becoming/became. To the point it almost feels insincere but the smile promises it's genuine every time.
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With having adhd and autism like I do, I wonder if you struggle doing things by yourself like I do. Or have trouble remembering things like I do. Or just in general have trouble with people, especially groups of strangers you dont know. Even if it's the simplest things. Do you have a routine, even if you hate it like I do. It's harder to get out of the routine because your afraid of doing the simplest things. Especially without someone there to help or correct you. I get that a lot. Especially for things I need to do like finding a job, reapplying to a new community college so I can finish my degree. Sometimes I don't know what I'm going to do if I don't have my mom or sisters there to help me.
Oh, I do struggle - A LOT! I like doing things by myself since it only pisses me off if there's someone else "helping" me since, to me, it's them actually being in my way. The issues I have is that starting ANYTHING is HELL challenging and difficult! The among of mental strength to start ANYTHING is ridiculous! It's REAL struggle.
Like dishes. Every freaking day I watch piles of dishes and say: "Not today. I have no energy. Tomorrow then." and this "tomorrow" turns into weeks and then months. I just can't get them done. I do rinse plates etc. so that they won't smell, tho. Mom usually does the dishes, or sis when she's visiting.
Cooking food? Nope. I think I WOULD cook more if I had someone to share that food with. Mom eats at her boyfriend's and she usually don't like my "spicy" foods. I like that food has flavors (not too hot / spicy tho) while mom prefers just salt :'D
I see a trash on the floor, going: "I pick it up tomorrow." For weeks I walk past it, annoyed that the trash is there but I just can't get myself to pick it up. But WHEN I get into a mood and energy to clean: I clean for HOURS. I get distracted A LOT during cleaning (like sitting down to check through old sketchbook etc.) but I clean anyway. Living room table? Takes 2 hours to clean it. Living room on it's own? 8 hours even that it's not big. Rearranging stands on my shelves? HOURS! I NEED to put the stands on specific spots, with millimeter's accuracy. I will pull hairs out of my head if I just would slap them there and be: "That's good." NO! It's not! :'D
Changing bed sheets? NO. I sleep with shame sheets for months. I change them like twice a year. At times I sleep without sheets for months. It always depends.
Wearing same clothes at home from weeks to weeks? YEP! Not bothering to change clean ones (except underwear!) since I'm at home anyway. I usually keep wearing same clothes until they break. Only after that I start to use other, newer, clothes. When going outside the home, then I put more "fresh" clothes on. I don't mind if I smell like shit at home but I don't want to smell like that around other people.
It's hard for me to form or keep routines. When I lived at home, I had a routine since dad's horses were my responsibility. He bought them but had zero interest to take care of them himself. They would have starved if I wasn't there for them. Back then I liked that routine even that I had days when I absolutely HATED it. Tho, now that I look back: I have no regrets. I liked it despite bad days. Routines now? No. They are too demanding. However, I TRY to keep two routines: bathing on Wednesday and Saturday and going to bed at 2-4am and waking up after 10-12h (<- failing miserably)
I have try to keep routines via exercise and eating healthier. I did jumping exercises for 3-6 months straight, only keeping 1 day a week to rest. I LOVED it! Then I had to go watch sis for 2 months after her surgery and since she lives in a block, I couldn't do my jumping exercises. I returned home almost 3 months ago and... I haven't got myself back on jumping, even that I know I would LOVE it and it would do me good. It would help me with my leg and back pains. Eating healthier? I managed to eat better 2-4 weeks and then that just stopped. Dropped out of my life like a rock from your hand into a pond. Instead I have gotten back on my unhealthy eating (mainly surviving with chocolate which is NOT good for me, it causes me horrible back pains).
People say that after 2 weeks something becomes a routine. That doesn't work for me. If I manage to keep something up for months and keep one off day, that's it. I can't afford off days (except that worked with jumping).
Group of people exhaust me badly so I avoid them. That's why I go to big city with mom (I've no car or license) once a month. It takes us 10-12h before we are back home so I am BEAT, also having a fever since that trip has drained me completely. I don't mind having strangers around me as long as the place is big (like a mall) and as long as I don't need to talk to any of them. Seal me in a living room with 2-3, or more, people and I'm jumping on walls!
But because I don't like being around people, I usually go to market to get food in the last 2 hours the store is open. I also spend 2 hours if not more in grocery store, wandering between the shelves since I have absolutely NO IDEA what I want to eat. I have no desire to eat, I don't feel hungry, my stomach never growls, I never have anything like: "Oh, I want to eat thing X!".
Remembering things is an issue as well. I remember lines from Biker Mice from Mars from 90's and I often use them when joking with sis but ask me what I did last week: NO IDEA! No any memory! At times I get up from the floor (I like to sit on the floor) and then I'm like: "Why I stood up?" Or I remember something, get up and then stop because I forgot it instantly when I got up. I need to sit back down or return back to the spot where I remembered that thing. Only then I remember it again.
If I need to send any kind of email or message to someone, I read it 10 times if not more to make sure it's okay. That's why in the past job applications have taken TENS of hours to do since I've reread them over and over again before sending them, editing etc. Tho, I spend all those hours for nothing. Never got a job. One interview via phone call but that's all. And even then the woman on the other end was: "It's like winning a lottery to get in an interview." I count A LOT on my sis and her help. She's my support pillar. I often ask her advice, tell her things and so on. I know I can be exhausting and draining so I also try to give her space since I am the same; Needing A LOT of own space and time. Socializing, even with sis, gets exhausting and draining at some point, no matter how much I love her and all. Luckily I have some other people who I can turn to when I feel like I need someone to talk to.
Hopefully you find this reply helpful / supporting in any kind of way :)
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