#can’t wait for her to do great things post career

[misskelley]

We will def need a “bitch” at the Olympics and we won’t have Kelley.

[harrysgal]

I DIG YOUR CINEMA (1)

harry styles x yn aspiring filmmaker — social media AU

I posted this yesterday but I wanted to change a few things so I deleted it and now I’m posting it again lol it’s long but I still hope people like it!

About the smau: yn starts posting videos on youtube and is trying to build a career as a filmmaker. Things are going pretty well for her and she starts getting more attention when she creates content about shows she goes to. She’s also a fan of Harry’s music and some of his fans start getting suspicious when his team starts interacting with her.

Disclaimer: The story it’s set in 2021 and it will follow their relationship through the LOT leg in the US. Since this is nothing but fiction, I will be following some of the real timeline but also adding my own stuff. On top of that, I won’t be basing myself on Harry’s actual posts.

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I DIG YOUR CINEMA (PART 1) — MEET YN

liked by bestfriend, yourbrother, and 60 others 

yourinstagram here’s to a new year and new beginnings :)

view all 6 comments

bestfriend love youuuu  bestfriend im so happy to have you back!! 

↳ yourinstagram pls don’t let me choose a bf ever again ↳ bestfriend don’t worry. single squad for life ↳ bestfriend or until one of us gets married lol  ↳ yourinstagram 😂 love you!!

Jan 5, 2021 • 

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liked by bestfriend, yourbrother, and 75 others 

yourinstagram can you believe just three months ago this gal was heartbroken, unemployed, and out of dreams? guess the world reallyyyyy spins around, huh 😜

view all 8 comments

bestfriend yes it doesss  bestfriend now the universe is giving back what she deservessssss yourbrother i think i liked you better when you had no social life

↳ yourinstagram 😂 omg fuck off ↳ yourbrother if this is the language you use around my children i’m never letting you babysit again ↳ yourinstagram 😔 stop that’s not funny

Feb 10, 2021 •

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liked by sisterinlaw, bestfriend, and 60 others 

yourinstagram got myself a camera and a dream (plus an empty bank account)

view all 7 comments 

yourmom Are you OK? Do you need money? x

↳ yourinstagram im okay mom :) love you ↳ yourbrother my bank account is empty too

bestfriend can’t wait to be your +1 at the academy awards 

Feb 26, 2021 •

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liked by yourbrother, bestfriend, and 85 others 

yourinstagram step aside pls your girl just posted her first video on youtube and is now one step closer from becoming a filmmaker ✌🏻

view all 13 comments 

bestfriend THAT’S MY BESTIE sisterinlaw Loved it!! 💋 yourmom I miss you. Give me a call x yourmom Also you should post pictures of your face x

↳ yourinstagram 😂💗

childhoodfriend Nice to see you still love telling stories, haha great video!

↳ yourinstagram oh my gosh it’s been a while! 🥺 thank youuu let’s catch up soon  

Mar 19, 2021 •

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liked by yourbrother, bestfriend, and 167 others 

yourinstagram life lately

view all 23 comments 

user1 just watched your video on youtube about growing up and i’m in tears! you’re soooo talented

↳ yourinstagram omg that’s so sweet thank you so much :’) 

yourbrother why bothering buying a camera if you’re going to steal mine

↳ yourinstagram i didn’t steal it  ↳ yourbrother but you also didn’t give it back yet did you? 

user2 Loving your content!!

April 10, 2021 •

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liked by bestfriend, anotherfriend, and 319 others 

yourinstagram hellooooo i just posted another video :D even tho she’s not physically in it, i must admit our 20+ years together completely inspired this one. thank you for being there for me. i’m very lucky to call you my best friend and i love you 💗 hope you enjoy it!

view all 25 comments 

bestfriend i cant rn i’ll be back when i stop crying user1 amazing!!! another great video! loved everything about it, left me thinking and wondering about lots of things. i’m blown away by how talented you are.

↳ yourinstagram you’re so sweet 🥺 thank you, it means more than you can imagine!

yourmom Lovely girls 🥰 user3 This was my favorite so far!

April 21, 2021 •

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liked by bestfriend, sisterinlaw and 512 others 

yourinstagram got my first paycheck and went out shopping 

(ps: remember when my ex freaked out bc he didn’t want me to buy harrys album? lol here’s to you pal) (fine line you’ll be next i promise!)

view all 57 comments 

bestfriend harry styles album listening party tonight

↳ yourinstagram as if we don’t already listen to it everyday lol 

user1 you’re so real for this lol user1 also wtf? why didn’t he want you to buy the album? 

↳ yourinstagram bc he was jealous and insecure  ↳ bestfriend jealous that you’d bump into harry someday, mention you bought his album and he’d fall in love with you  ↳ yourinstagram lol talk about delusional  ↳ bestfriend he just knew your potential ↳ user1 😂😂😂

yourbrother so YOU are the reason why my daughter is suddenly obsessed? user5 Omg didn’t know you’re also a harry fan! What’s your favorite song?

↳ yourinstagram sign of the times always and forever

May 6, 2021 •

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liked by bestfriend, yourmom and 750 others 

yourinstagram just me and my little camera conquering the world ❤️ lol no but srsly, i know it’s only been a month since i posted my first video on youtube but so far ive had suchhhh a great time working hard to make my dreams come true :’) i sometimes fear my content isn’t much or isn’t professional enough, so the feedback i’ve been getting truly warms my heart and puts a smile on my face! thank you. thank you. thank you.

view all 86 comments 

bestfriend ❤️❤️❤️ yourbrother why are you still living in 2020? 

↳ yourinstagram why are you so annoying?

yourmom We’re very proud sweetheart x

↳ yourinstagram wouldn’t have done anything without your support! love you ❤️

user1 your content is AMAZING! the way you bring little stories to each video has me obsessed 

↳ yourinstagram i love telling stories so much!! im happy you enjoy them! 

user3 Honestly you’re one of the most creative people I’ve come across lately. The way you approach each topic with so much honesty and tell real life stories while not really including people in your shots is incredible!

↳ yourinstagram omg thank you so so much! this means the world me! 

May 6, 2021 •

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liked by bestfriend, sisterinlaw and 910 others 

yourinstagram hiii i just posted a new video on youtube and im really nervous about it lol this is really different from the others + a little longer, but also the most special so far. it includes a very memorable moment we lived as a family just a couple weeks ago so i trulyyyy hope you enjoy it! lmk your thoughts plssss

view all 103 comments 

user1 i just sent this video to everyone i know. i feel like i say this every time but this one is my favorite yet!! you’re so talented i want to live inside your brain

↳ yourinstagram hahahha you’re the best thank you sooooo much for your constant support!

bestfriend ARE YOU KIDDING ME? THIS WAS MY FAVORITE ONE SO FAR  bestfriend pls take me to a concert and make a short film of me dancing to my favorite songs too 😭 i beg you!!!!

↳ yourinstagram let’s do it! ed sheeran? beyonce? harry styles? ↳ bestfriend YES ↳ yourinstagram yes it’s not an answer lol you were supposed to pick one 

user8 👏👏👏 you’ve outdone yourself with this one!  user4 You’re so real about this one! My mom LOVES Shania Twain too and the day she saw her live for the first time was exactly like this! She just turned into a fangirl all over again haha 

May 27, 2021 •

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user2 Hey there. I’m so happy youtube just recommended this to me. I’m in love with your content! So creative and touching. I’m definitely going back to binge all your other videos now. I was just wondering, though, is this your real family? I’m only asking because from the way you tell the story it feels so much like watching a movie that it made me wonder if they were actors following a script 😅 hope you don’t take it the wrong way. Have a good one!

↳ youryoutube hiii thank you so much for watching and for being so respectful and polite about your comment! 😊 this is my own family, yes! i actually wasn’t planning on filming this, but my brother and i took my mom to see shania twain (who’s like, her favorite artist of all times!) and i woke up inspired to make a little video about it. i’m really glad you enjoyed it, and i’m actually really flattered by your question, because this was the first time i didn’t script a video at all and was really afraid in the end it wouldn’t come up the way i wanted to. so thank you!!  ↳ user2 Oh, wow! Thanks so much for taking the time to answer me. That’s really interesting to know. Loved how you managed to capture the emotions without actually exposing anyone. I also enjoyed how this isn’t just a “vlog”, if that makes sense. It truly feels like an actual story with beginning, middle and end (I mean, there’s even some drama in it!). So cheers to you! Can’t wait to see what else you’ll come up with in the future.  ↳ youryoutube THANK YOU! oh my goodness that’s exactly what i’m always going for :’) thank you, thank you!! 

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liked by bestfriend, yourbrother and 3,614 others 

yourinstagram hello????? i just woke up to the news that the one and only queen and goddess shania twain watched my video????? and shared it?????? what the hell it’s happening????? 

view all 245 comments 

yourbrother thought you were going to expose mom losing it on our gc haha bestfriend I’M COMING OVER WE’RE FUCKING CELEBRATING user1 😍😍😍 yesssss love to see you getting bigger and bigger!! user18 omg that video was so cute!! also love your aesthetic user14 your mom’s excitement was the sweetest it left me in tears  harryfan say 🙋‍♀️ if you’re here because gemma shared her video

↳ harryfan2 🙋‍♀️ ↳ harryfan3 🙋‍♀️

Jun 1, 2021 •

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liked by bestfriend, anotherfriend and 5,875 others 

yourinstagram good morning?? is life even real?? 

last week was sooo insane omg im still over the moon and also so happy reading everyone’s reaction to my mom’s dream coming true 🥺 everyone’s just so sweet and kind! thank you!! i wish i could spend the entire day around just chatting and celebrating, but today is a big and busy day for me so wish me luck im really gonna need it 

view all 541 comments 

bestfriend remember there was a time when i used to be the first and only to like your posts? :’) user1 good luck!! user4 Can’t wait for your next video! user9 I THINK I JUST HEARD YOUR INTERVIEW ON THE RADIO??

↳ user10 Yesss. I was driving to work and I heard that too haha ↳ user3 omg what did she talk about? ↳ user9 ＠user3 they were basically asking about the video/her mom. she explained that it was a really spontaneous thing and that she wasn’t planning on doing more of those but after seeing everyone’s reaction she’s changing her mind. oh, she also mentioned she never expected shania to see her video and that she still doesn’t know how it got to her in the first place!

Jun 8, 2021 •

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liked by anotherfriend, cuteguy and 6,513 others 

yourinstagram quick life update: got a part-time job. moved to a new apartment. completed my harry styles album collection. went on a date with a cute guy. posted another video. 

so far no complaints. 300/10.

view all 617 comments 

bestfriend can’t believe ‘went out for dinner with my best friend’ didn’t make the cut 

↳ yourinstagram sorry that’s bts content

user5 Your last video was amazing!! So were the last two before that!! Totally feel like you found yourself in the music field 

↳ user1 omg i totally agree! i can totally see this becoming a series or something like this ↳ yourinstagram ohhhh i love the idea!! :) 

harryfan any chance this cute guy was harry styles himself?

↳ yourinstagram 😂😂😂 minus 100% chances 

user3 Is this part time job film related maybe?

↳ yourinstagram i wish :( needed a normal part time job to pay for my dream job actually lol

harryfan2 omg which one of his albums did you get?

↳ user5 she already has self titled so she must’ve gotten fine line now

June 25, 2021 •

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liked by bestfriend, cuteguy and 8,315 others 

yourinstagram sorry i havent been here the past few days but i was busy playing hide and seek with my niblings (i just found out there’s a word for niece + nephew btw. how cool is that?!!)

view all 732 comments 

harryfan girl tell me why i came here to watch one video and never left? :’) 

↳ user1 lol same!! she’s great isn’t she?

yourbrother i hope you know you’ll be the one buying your goddaughter a ticket for that harry styles boy

↳ harryfan2 “that harry styles boy” lol excuse me sir? ↳ yourinstagram you’re about to get soooooo dragged and all im gonna do is sit here and watch lol ↳ sisterinlaw I’m sitting here, too!!

user4 your posts always brighten up my day 😍

July 3, 2021 •

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liked by cuteguy, yourmom and 11,798 others 

yourinstagram i can’t believe there are so many people watching me post stuff like this lol i don’t really know how to behave and i get easily embarrassed so if you don’t mind i’ll just pretend we are no more than 5 friends just hanging out okay? thanks!!

btw wanted to share that we took my niece to see ariana grande so…… guess what??? new video will be up tomorrow :D this one is once again a little bit different from the others idk im always trying new things so let’s see if it works!! 

view all 931 comments 

cuteguy 😍 bestfriend when is it going to be my turn? :(( user3 omg can’t wait!!! will we finally get to meet your niece??

↳ yourinstagram nooo:( i don’t feel comfortable sharing them on the internet. that’s also why you’ll see this video is kinda from a parents perspective? idk how to explain with words you gotta watch it to see it haha ↳ user2 we love a respectful and mindful woman 💪

harryfan can’t wait for the day you see harry omg i just know that will be the best video ever

↳ harryfan3 right like so many fandoms have been getting these incredible videos i’m so jealous

July 12, 2021 •

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liked by yourinstagram, bestfriend, sisterinlaw and 4,339,032 others

harrystyles LOVE ON TOUR will be going out across the USA this September and I could not be more excited for these shows. I love you all so much. I’m very excited, and I can’t wait to see you. H

view all 100,888 comments 

bestfriend ＠yourinstagram 🤭 harryfan ＠yourinstagram THIS IS IT DO YOUR THING PLS I’VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS MOMENT user2 OMG ARE WE FINALLY GETTING A SHORT MOVIE??? SAY YES PLS OMG ＠yourinstagram user7 i feel like if yn doesn’t take ＠bestfriend to at least one show there will be blood 😂

↳ bestfriend ＠yourinstagram see? everyone knows it should happen ↳ yourinstagram ＠bestfriend STOP WE’RE SO FUCKING DOING THIS ↳ harryfan AIDHASASJDBAJHAJH I’M SO EXCITD

July 14, 2021 •

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liked by cuteguy, anotherfriend and 14,513 others 

yourinstagram had a reallyyyyy huge meeting today and i was losing my shit so this really cute guy took me out for a coffee :D 

(new video’s up!!! hope you enjoy it!)

view all 1,007 comments 

user4 are you guys sharing a piece of cake? stop that’s so sweet :(  user8 omg she has a bf?? but what about harry?? lol

↳ harryfan7 THAT’S WHAT I SAID!! she was supposed to go to his show so he could see her in the crowd and fall in love 😩 ↳ harryfan12 lol please harry doesn’t even know who she is. also maybe don’t be disrespectful to the guy she’s actually dating? ↳ user8 ＠harryfan12 it was just a choke chill out lol

user1 can’t wait for the new video!!! (also… important meeting??? 👀)

July 29, 2021 •

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liked by bestfriend, mollyjane_x, cuteguy and 17,283 others 

yourinstagram i dont think you guys will ever understand how much you watching and spreading the word about my videos has changed my life. it hasnt been even even six months since i started posting on youtube and yet it feels like i’ve lived four years so far. thank you soooo much for deciding to join this ride with me!

also, so much is happening rn that i feel like i need to sort some things out and reorganize myself. so there’ll be a new video up tonight, and then i’ll be taking a short break before releasing any new content. it won’t be long, just a couple of weeks that will mostly be used to feed my creativity once again lol (and also to plan and script some exciting new projects!!) 

i hope you stay around and wait for me. i’ll see you back really soon 💗

view all 1,345 comments 

sisterinlaw 💗 user1 take all the time we need we’ll be here waiting for you!! <3 user3 you deserve all this sooo much!! harryfan7 i see you molly 👀

↳ harryfan11 no bc how are you even a harry fan and don’t absolutely freak out when harry’s creative director likes your post?? ↳ harryfan8 also his manager following her??? i mean what are the chances of being just a coincidence? 

bestfriend i love youuu and i’m so freaking proud of you 💗 user4 I’ll miss your content because it always puts a smile on my face, but I totally understand and can’t wait to see what’s next!

Aug 13, 2021 •

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liked by cuteguy, mollyjane_x, gemmastyles and 19,107 others 

yourinstagram so……. i kinda quit my part time job to start this other full time job? which is now finally related to something i truly love?? 😅 oh god!! i dont even know what to say. all i know is that im about to start the craziest adventure of my life and even tho im about to board the plane i still cant believe it is ACTUALLY happening. again, thank you so much for spreading the word about my videos and for being so kind about them. thank you for deciding i was worth your time every week. im only here right now bc you gave me the chance in the first place so thank you thank you thank you! 

i’ll share more details as soon as i can (and when i’m sure i wont jinx it lol) but for now, THANK YOU!

view all 1,501 comments 

cuteguy have fun, call me when you land 😘 harryfan you’re going to the LOT and nobody can convince me otherwise!!

↳ user4 why wouldn’t she just say it, tho? ↳ harryfan idk she normally never shares she’s going to a show anyway she just posts the video later 🤷 

harryfan8 the fact that molly and jeff followed her and now molly likes all of her posts can’t be random. also she quitting her job and traveling the same day so many from harry’s crew are traveling? 

↳ harryfan2 AND GEMMA LIKING THIS POST? WHY IS PEOPLE SILENT ABOUT THIS?????

harryfan7 gemma liked this post but she doesn’t even follow her??? bestfriend i miss you already can’t wait to visit you!! user1 im so excited whatever it is you deserve it so much!!!!

Aug 25, 2021 •

— — — — — 

PART 2: LAS VEGAS

— — — — —

I’m not hopeful people will read and enjoy this, but if you happen to do so pls let me know? :( thanks!!

[kenzlovesyou]

reporter!y/n and wbbstar!caitlin would be fun...

hi i’m so sorry this took so long 😕 i hope you enjoy this!

plot: short fluff you’re an intern reporter about to do a post game interview for the very first time! you’re super nervous about it and caitlin helps you practice before the real thing.

Reporting Live

➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖

“Okay, Y/n. Just chill.” You said to yourself in the bathroom mirror. You’d just arrived at Gainbridge Fieldhouse to cover your very first professional basketball game and ask questions at the post-game interview. The game you were covering would be the Indiana Fever against the New York Liberty team. You were trying to hype yourself up for the game, but you were extremely nervous. The Fever had been getting serious media attention ever since Caitlin Clark had recently been drafted to the team, so you knew many people would be tuning in.

You stare at yourself and repeat the mantra you’ve been telling yourself since this morning. “You are brave. You are smart. You are super cool and you are totally ready for this!”

“Ready for what?” You jump in shock and turn around to see Caitlin Clark right behind you. The Caitlin Clark. You stare at her for a second not quite processing how Caitlin Clark is currently standing behind right behind you and asking YOU the INTERVIEWER a question. “Sorry um what did you say?”

Caitlin shrugs, turning on the bathroom faucet and rinsing her hands in the sink. “What’s got you so nervous?” She looked you up and down and smiled, “hey, that’s the reporter lanyard. Are you one of the interviewers?” You nodded shyly and giggled.

“Can you tell it’s my first day?” Caitlin laughed at you and shone her head. “Nope, definitely not. You look totally professional.” You couldn’t tell if she was being sarcastic or serious but you hoped it was the latter.

Caitlin’s words were kind, but you knew they were just that. She didn’t know you, she didn’t know your performance capabilities. There was no real way for her to tell you you’d be any good. You looked at ground and rocked back and forth on your feet slightly. Caitlin noticed this and frowned. Perhaps she could do something to cheer you up? She knew what it was like to be nervous at a new job, as her first WNBA game had just been a week prior.

“Do you wanna maybe, I don’t know, practice interviewing me?” You looked up at her quizzically. “You know,” she continued, “so you aren’t as nervous when it comes to the real thing!” Your cheeks flushed. Not only was she a great player, she also had a great personality.

“We could try that!” Caitlin nodded and signaled for you to start. “Wait. I can’t I don’t have a microphone.” Caitlin rolled her eyes at you and passed her half drank water bottle to you. “Perfect. Okay. Caitlin Clark. What do you think made you want to go pro in basketball? You’ve been amazing ever since you were younger, but what made you want to do this as a career?”

You held the water bottle ‘mic’ in front of Caitlin as she prepared an answer. She took a beat to think about her answer and smiled to herself. “I mean I think I just want kids to have someone to look up to, y’know? I just want them to know that, like, if they have dreams they should pursue them because it might end up paying off.” You nodded your head in response.

“That’s amazing. It’s good to know that besides having a remarkable talent you have such a good heart as well!” Now it was Caitlin’s turn to blush. Her cheeks turned rosy and she lowered her eyes to her shoes.

Caitlin cleared her throat. “Well, y’know, maybe since you asked me a question I can ask you one too.” You looked back at her quizzically.

“Aren’t I the reporter? What question could you possibly have for me?”

Caitlin stood up and walked closer to you, her eyes staring at you seriously. “Can I get your number?” You paused. Was the Caitlin Clark asking you out?

“How do you know I swing that way, Clark?”

“I guess that’s my second question for you. Do you swing my way?” You rolled your eyes at her and made a grabbing gesture with your hand and pointed at her phone in her pocket. She took it out and went to add a new contact and passed it to you. You typed your number in and before you knew it Caitlin had to leave to go warm up. You wished her luck and off she went.

The game was close, but the Fever ended up losing. You could tell by Caitlin’s face she looked disappointed. Her frown seemed to fade away when you walked up to the Fever team to do a post game interview. You went along the line of women, asking each one significant questions correlating to their stats and achievements in the game, and what they thought would come next. You sighed a breath of relief when it was finally over. The interviews went seamlessly, but that didn’t mean you weren’t going to still find something to worry about. You walked out to your car and started your car up to drive home, alone with yourself and your thoughts. That was until you got a ping on your phone.

unknown number:

great job on your first day! you didn’t look nervous at all, i guess the practicing helped? hopefully?

maybe getting dinner sometime could calm your nerves for next game :)

[jtl-fics]

Math Nerd AU

I’ve got quite a few time travel AFTG fics banging around in my head but by far the funniest one is this:

Neil dies in 40s to a drunk driver after a respectable professional Exy career, two olympic golds, a very successful and healthy relationship, a steady post-injury career as Ichirou Moriyama’s preferred accountant (kept himself squeaky clean) and years to get his shit together. He wakes up back early on into his runaway life with his mom and is immediately like “oh no I’m NOT doing this shit again.”

He makes a lot of changes, mostly for Andrew’s benefit but also gets Mary to the Hatfords, and gets himself set up in Ichirou’s confidence again because man he’s gonna play Exy again but Ichirou was actually a very solid boss if you’re competent and Neil is very good at managing finances.

Ichirou had plans for Neil. He’s waiting for his father to pass before he brings Neil fully out in the open as one of his since his father is still demanding that the Wesninski heir be given over to his brother and Ichirou is not about to let the only accountant who has ever gotten him a completely legal tax refund go to the NEST. He’s also not about to let the Butcher near Neil so he puts Neil off in the middle of nowhere with a steady paycheck and orders to graduate highschool. Neil picks Millport.

Hernandez still notices that no one ever comes to Neil’s games and that the kid is driven but doesn’t make any real attachments with his teammates despite Millport becoming the Arizona State Champs the year Neil leads the team. So he sends tapes to Wymack and Kevin. Neil is surprised to see them since he’d planned on never getting anywhere near Andrew after he set things up for the blond. (Killed Drake, paid some people to legally adopt and look after Andrew, got CPS to investigate Tilda properly, paid off the right people so that the couple who took in Andrew took in Aaron too, and paid for them to move out to SC (it’s close to the twins remaining family) and then Tilda managed to die on her own from an OD and the twins got the money without Andrew needing to have any part in it.)

Neil ends up signing for the Foxes despite Ichirou having plans for Neil to start attending University of Texas (Great Accounting Program) in the fall. Neil of course completely fails to tell Ichirou this since Ichirou hadn’t said anything beyond finishing highschool and if he had plans for Neil then he should have told him.

Neil, the utterly self-sufficient adult that he is, proceeds to just be the most bizarre stabilizing force the foxes have ever encountered. He knows all about their shit, their issues, their triggers, and how to help them. The Foxes all kind of crave that stability and Neil can take whatever they say unflinchingly. He’ll give as good as he gets but he also makes team breakfast pretty much every morning after he finishes his absurdly early run. Kevin is in heaven with his Striker pick (Neil in this thing is so incredibly boring and well-adjusted that Andrew just cannot believe that he’s a spy so Kevin and Neil start night practices almost immediately & Neil shows Kevin drills that he and Future!Kevin had made and Kevin is just like “I am so good at picking talent. I am a god.”)

The 3 things that make this so funny (at least to me) is:

1. All the Foxes just like not understanding why the hell Neil is a Fox (They’re glad he’s there but it feels like a clerical error that such a nice well-adjusted guy is on the team) until they see him without a shirt and until immediately after the Kathy Ferdinand show where Ichirou shows up and is like “Palmetto doesn’t even have a nationally ranked accounting program!? Also what if this sport gives you a TBI and you can’t do my taxes anymore????”

2. Andrew is just inexplicably and infuriatingly smitten, enamored, crushing, heart-eyes for this BORING ASS MATH NERD. Neil’s sense of humor was honed against Andrew so he’s got like a direct line to Andrew’s funny bone. He never has never once for even a second confused Aaron and Andrew (and they’re a lot closer in this fic because there’s no Tilda angst and the ‘parents’ handled getting Aaron’s rehabilitation handled off the books so he could have a future in medicine.) Even after the whole mob accountant reveal Andrew is seething because even with that Neil is just incredibly well-adjusted and normal despite all the insane shit going on with him. He propositions Neil when Neil mentions having a past male significant other but Neil has the AUDACITY to get all sad-eyed and say that he can’t be with Andrew because his heart still belongs to some CHUMP in his past. (Cue Current!Andrew having an unknowing bitter hatred / rivalry of Future!Andrew and swearing that he’ll woo Neil away from a guy who’s probably in the mob or shitty because Andrew hasn’t seen any evidence of Neil’s SO reaching out to him but he knows Neil isn’t lying)

3. One of the reasons that Andrew is inexplicably and infuriatingly attracted / smitten to Neil is that Future!Andrew did not really spend a lot of time in the future after Neil died and he’s slowly seeping through until Neil’s confrontation with his dad and then Future!Andrew fully wakes up and he’s PISSED because at least in the original timeline Andrew was inexplicably and infuriatingly attracted to the mysterious freshmen who was hiding his appearance, looked like he was seconds away from running across the country at all times, and had a whole aura of danger around him. Now he’s revealed that he’d have fallen for Neil no matter what because he fell for Neil when he was just a BORING ASS MATH NERD and WORST OF ALL Neil went and made him jealous of HIMSELF because Neil didn’t want to cheat on Andrew with ANDREW. What an asshole. He’s gotta kiss his entire face off and tell him that he’s never allowed to cross a street without Andrew again because if a drunk driver is going to take one of them out then it’s going to take BOTH of them out.

[taylor-on-your-dash]

Writing of 1989 Timeline

1989 changed Taylor's career forever. If Red had just sprinkles of pop sounds, 1989 was marketed as a pure pop album from the get-go.

While many fans and critics kind of expected that, it seems like:

Taylor didn't have a clear direction from the start (except for the cohesiveness): “I wanted it to be a sonically cohesive album, and it ended up really being the first I’ve done since Fearless. I also wanted the songs to sound exactly how the emotions felt. I know that’s pretty vague, so I really didn’t know where it was going to go, but I knew that I wanted to work with the collaborators I had such crazy electricity with on Red, like Max Martin. I wanted to do some things that sounded nothing like what we had done before.”

She knew that she didn't want another Red: “When people say that they like one of my albums, like when people told me that Red was their favorite album I'd done, I didn't take that as, 'So, I should make that again'. I took that as, 'Great, awsome, now I wanna make them like this new album just as much if not more than the last album.' But I want them to like it for different reasons.”

She was worried about the change of direction of her music: “I worry about everything. Some days I wake up in a mind-set of, like, ‘Okay, it’s been a good run.’ By afternoon, I could have a change of mood and feel like anything is possible and I can’t wait to make this kind of music I’ve never made before. And then by evening, I could be terrified of the whole thing again. And then at night, I’ll write a song before bed.”

October 17, 2012: [From a Lover Journal] Taylor writes This Love in LA. This will be the last song produced by Nathan Chapman and the only one recorded in Nashville.

“The last time I wrote a poem that ended up being a song, I was writing in my journal and I was writing about something that had happened in my life – it was about a year ago – and I just wrote this really really short poem. It said, 'This love is good /this love is bad / this love is alive back from the dead / these hands had to let it go free / and this love came back to me.' And I just wrote it down, closed the book and put it back on my night stand […] All of a sudden in my head I just started hearing this melody happen, and then I realized that it was going to be a song.”

Handwritten lyrics:

November 18, 2012: Taylor meets Jack Antonoff and his band, fun., for the first time in Frankfurt, Germany, while at the MTV Europe Music Awards. They bond over 80s music.

January 4, 2013: Taylor is seen in a boat without Harry Styles, ready to return to LA from the Virgin Islands.

She will wear the same dress in the Out Of The Woods music video (and also in Look What You Made Me Do)

January 10, 2013: Taylor tweets "Back in the studio. Uh oh...". She will confirm that the song was All You Had To Do Was Stay on October 27, 2014 on Tumblr.

Candids here;

“There’s a song on my album called 'All You Had To Do Was Stay.' I was having this dream, that was actually one of those embarrassing dreams, where you’re mortified in the dream, you’re like humiliated. In the dream, my ex had come to the door to beg for me to talk to him or whatever, and I opened up the door and I went to go say, 'Hi,' or 'What are you doing here?' or something — something normal — but all that came out was this high-pitched singing that said, 'Stay!' It was almost operatic. So I wrote this song, and I used that sound in the song. Weird, right? I woke up from the dream, saying the weird part into my phone, figuring I had to include it in something because it was just too strange not to. In pop, it’s fun to play around with little weird noises like that.”

January 11, 2013: Taylor is seen again at Conway Studios, likely to continue working on All You Had To Do Was Stay.

January 15, 2013: Taylor posts a picture of herself in the studio, with the caption "Somewhere in LA". She'll later reveal that she was writing How You Get The Girl.

“The song ‘How You Get The Girl’ is a song that I wrote about how you get the girl back if you ruined the relationship somehow and she won’t talk to you anymore. Like, if you broke up with her and left her on her own for six months and then you realize you miss her. All the steps you have to do to edge your way back into her life, because she’s probably pretty mad at you. So it’s kind of a tutorial. If you follow the directions in the song, chances are things will work out. Or you may get a restraining order.”

March 6, 2013: Taylor is seen going to a studio in LA.

March 23, 2013: Taylor posts a picture of herself playing guitar, which might mean that she was working on a new song: "Pre show. Columbia, South Carolina". This could be either Wonderland, New Romantics or a vault song.

May 27, 2013: While in Rhode Island for the Memorial Day weekend, Jack plays Taylor an instrumental track that will later become I Wish You Would.

“'I Wish You Would’ is a song that I wrote with Jack Antonoff and it was the first song we ever worked on together. I think, for this song, we wanted to create a sort of John Hughes movie visual with pining and, you know, one person’s over here and misses the other person but is too prideful and won’t say it. Meanwhile this other person is here and missing the same person; they’re missing each other but not saying it. And I had this happen in my life and so I wanted to kind of narrate it in a very cinematic way where it’s like you’re seeing two scenes play out and then in the bridge you’re seeing the final scene, where it resolves itself. So it says, 'It’s a crooked love in a straight line down, makes you wanna run and hide but it makes you turn right back around.’ It kind of is like that dramatic love that’s never really quite where it needs to be and that tension it creates.”

[Voice Memo Intro Transcript] “This is another way I’ve written songs recently. This is a song I did with Jack Antonoff, and Jack is one of my friends and so were hanging out and he pulled out his phone and goes ‘I made this amazing track the other day. It’s so cool, I love these guitar sounds.’ And he played it for me and immediately I could hear this finished song in my head, and I just said ‘Please, please let me have that. Let me play with it, send it to me.’ And so he sent it to me and I was on tour and this was me playing the track on my laptop recording me singing the vocal into my phone and it ended up being a song called 'I Wish You Would', because Jack wrote back and said ‘I love that’. So this is another way of writing, it’s writing to track.”

[Secret Sessions] “Taylor said that she wrote ‘I Wish You Would’ a couple of months after her and Harry Styles broke up, and they decided to become friends again and she said this was the first time she had become friends with an ex, to the point where they were comfortable enough to talk about why the relationship didn’t work out. She said he told her about how, after they broke up, he bought a house literally one road adjacent to hers. Every day he would drive home, and accidentally turn into her street, and he told her how he just wanted to stop at her house and see her, but he never did. She said this song is about while he was in the car making the decision to get out the car and see her, she was sitting in her bedroom, wishing he would make the move and go back to her and just pitch up at her house. She compared it to a classic John Hughes movie where both parties want the same thing but neither has the guts to say anything. Honestly, she spoke so fondly of that relationship.” [this is from a secret sessioner and therefore it should be taken with a grain of salt]

Between May 28 and June 2, 2013: Taylor writes I Wish You Would. She settled in Rhode Island basically all summer, so it's possible that she went to Jack's studio in New York by car without being seen and especially photographed, cause I couldn't find any pictures with the same outfit. Conway Studios are also credited but it's possible that she recorded background vocals there. Taylor was in LA in late August.

June 7, 2013: During an interview at the CMA Music Festival, Taylor confirms that she has started writing her next album.

[Transcript by me] “[The new album] is starting, all the anxiety is starting and when the anxiety starts, then the writing happens right afterward usually. I like to write for about two years before I'm finished with an album because at this point I kind of know that whenever I read in the first year is going to get away, because I'm going to like it but it's going to sound a little bit like the last project I had, and the second year usually ends up sounding like the next project. So I think at this point I feel like staying the same is the easy way to go but it's not the way that I want to go creatively. I think you need to challenge yourself, I think you need to change up your influences, I think you need to be inspired by different things that you've been inspired by before. It's harder to call people you don't know, it's harder to think of topics you haven't covered and think of new ways to say old emotions that everyone feels. I think one of the things that I'm happiest with in the last year is the acceptance level in country music for me experimenting and for me trying to evolve and challenge myself musically because I think it's never felt better to be on that stadium stage performing knowing that and so welcoming of change.”

July 13, 2013: After a show in New Jersey, Taylor has an interview with Rolling Stone, where she says that she has been writing a lot.

“The floodgates just opened the last couple weeks,” she says of the songwriting process. “I’m getting to that point where I’m irritating to be around because I’ll be with you for half the conversation and then the second half of the conversation I’m clearly editing the second verse of whatever I’m writing in my head. I really loved collaborating: you work with a lot of different people and you find the people you have this dream connection with in the studio. I know those people and I know the ones I want to go back to. But I also have a really long list of the people I admire and I would really love to go and contact. So that’s kind of where that is. I think that the idea of having a different approach to every single one of my albums is so exciting to me. I never want to make the same record twice. Why do it? What’s the point? It’s so overwhelming that when you’re starting a project there are such endless possibilities if you’re willing to evolve and experiment. If you’re willing to become a different version of yourself, you can really go anywhere with it. And that’s kind of where I am. The kind of the laboratory experimental stage of really catching onto a new thing that I’m liking.”

Somewhere around June and early September 2013: Taylor and Jack write Sweeter Than Fiction. No credits are available but we know that it's the second song on which Taylor and Jack worked, so that places it before I Wish You Would and Out Of The Woods.

In 2014, Lena Dunham (Jack's girlfriend at the time) posted this photo of Jack and Taylor working on the song at Jack's house.

September 15, 2013: Jack completes the instrumental track that will later become Out Of The Woods, after his show was cancelled.

[Jack Antonoff] “When I did the track for Out of the Woods, which is a Taylor song that I'm really proud of, there was some issue at a venue and our show was canceled that night and I didn't have my stuff, I had left it on the bus, so I only had these old samples on what was on my laptop, and caught up that 'oh oh'' thing, and I only had one drum kit on there, and these dumb little things sometimes turn into a great song.”

Somewhere around September and October 2013: Taylor writes Out Of The Woods.

Voice memo here;

[Jack Antonoff] Although Antonoff and Swift shared studio time for some of their other 1989 songs while working throughout 2014, “Out of the Woods” was completed as a long-distance collaboration. “She’s very natural -— when she gets an idea, it just happens very quickly. I would send her these tracks, and when an idea would happen, we’d be 5,000 miles apart or whatever, but she would start emailing me these voice notes like crazy and it would just be happening so quickly that there’d be this excitement. There’s a frantic feeling in the song,” he says. “What’s interesting about ‘Out of the Woods’ is that it doesn’t really let up. It starts with a pretty big anthemic vocal sample that’s me, and then there’s a drum sample that kicks in that’s kind of huge, and then you don’t really know how you’re going to get any bigger, but then the chorus hits and it just explodes even larger. And then the bridge hits, and it gets even more huge.“When I was working on the track, I was thinking a lot about My Morning Jacket,” Antonoff continues, “and how everything they do, every sound is louder than the last, and somehow it feels like everything is just f—ing massive. And that’s the feeling that I went for. It started out big, and then I think the obvious move would have been to do a down chorus, but the idea was to keep pushing.” Antonoff is excited to share the rest of his work with Swift on 1989, but he views “Out of the Woods” as a highlight on the project. “This song means a great deal to me. On a production level, on a writing level, Taylor’s lyrics and her melodies — there’s something very important about this song.”

[Jack Antonoff] “After 'I Wish You Would' and 'Sweeter Than Fiction', we did 'Out Of The Woods'. So it was the third thing we worked on together, and probably the easiest. I sent her the track for it, and she sent back a voice note with the verse and chorus in what felt like five seconds. And it was just perfect. It's eerie how similar it is to what the final product is.”

“It kind of conjured up all these feelings of anxiety I had in a relationship where everybody was watching, everybody was commenting on it. You’re constantly just feeling like, ‘Are we out of the woods yet? What’s the next thing gonna be? What’s the next hurdle we’re gonna have to jump over?’ It was interesting to write about a relationship where you’re just honestly like, ‘This is probably not gonna last, but how long is it gonna last?’ Those fragile relationships... It doesn’t mean they’re not supposed to happen. The whole time we were having happy memories, or crazy memories, or ridiculously anxious times, in my head it was just like, ‘Are we okay yet? Are we there yet? Are we out of this yet?’”

“That line is in there because it's not only the actual, literal narration of what happened in a particular relationship I was in, it's also a metaphor. 'Hit the brakes too soon' could mean the literal sense of, we got in an accident and we had to deal with the aftermath. But also, the relationship ended sooner than it should've because there was a lot of fear involved. And that song touches on a huge sense of anxiety that was, kind of, coursing through that particular relationship, because we really felt the heat of every single person in the media thinking they could draw up the narrative of what we were going through and debate and speculate. I don't think it's ever going to be easy for me to find love and block out all those screaming voices.”

October 21, 2013: Sweeter Than Fiction is released. Big Machine was originally not on board with the release since they wanted a dormant period between album releases.

Late 2013: Taylor writes Bad Blood, after Katy Perry announces her Prismatic World Tour.

“For years, I was never sure if we were friends or not. She would come up to me at awards shows and say something and walk away, and I would think, ‘Are we friends,or did she just give me the harshest insult of my life?’ Then last year, the other star crossed a line. She did something so horrible. I was like, ‘Oh, we’re just straight-up enemies.’ And it wasn’t even about a guy! It had to do with business. She basically tried to sabotage an entire arena tour. She tried to hire a bunch of people out from under me. And I’m surprisingly non-confrontational – you would not believe how much I hate conflict. So now I have to avoid her. It’s awkward, and I don’t like it.”

“That was about losing a friend... But then people cryptically tweet about what you meant. I never said anything that would point a finger in the specific direction of one specific person, and I can sleep at night knowing that. I knew the song would be assigned to a person, and the easiest mark was someone who I didn’t want to be labeled with this song. It was not a song about heartbreak. It was about the loss of friendship.”

October 20 to 22, 2013: Taylor is in Cape Town (South Africa) shooting The Giver. One of the members of the cast is Alexsander Skarsgård. He is said to have inspired Wildest Dreams (or at least he's the most popular theory, as far as I know), because the music video is set in Africa and it features Clint Eastwood's son Scott as love interest, just like Alexsander is actor Stellan Skarsgård's son, but we don't actually know more about the song.

“I think the way I used to approach relationships was very idealistic. I used to go into them thinking, ‘Maybe this is the one – we’ll get married and have a family, this could be forever’. Whereas now I go in thinking, ‘How long do we have on the clock – before something comes along and puts a wrench in it, or your publicist calls and says this isn’t a good idea?’”

Note: Selena Gomez was present when Taylor wrote this song.

Handwritten lyrics:

November 19, 2013: Taylor records Blank Space. This is based on the wall behind her on an Instagram post from this day, the credits, and the behind the scenes clip.

Voice memo here;

Behind the Scenes here;

“Every few years, the media finds something they unanimously agree is annoying about me. 2012-2013 they thought I was dating too much, because I dated two people in a year and a half. ‘Oh, a serial dater. She only writes songs to get emotional revenge on guys. She’s a man-hater, don’t let her near your boyfriend.’ It was kind of excessive and at first it was hurtful, but then I found a little bit of comedy in it. This character is so interesting, though. If you read these gossip sites, they describe how I am so opposite to my actual life: I’m clingy, and I’m awful, and I throw fits, and there’s drama. An emotionally fragile, unpredictable mess. I painted a whole picture of this character. She lives in a mansion with marble floors, she wears Dolce & Gabbana around the house, and she wears animal print unironically. So I created this whole character and I had fun doing it.”

November 21, 2013: While at the American Music Awards, Taylor tells Billboard that she has around seven or eight songs ready.

[Transcript] “We got a lot already,” says Swift. “There are probably seven or eight songs that I know I want on the record. It’s really ahead of schedule for me. I’m just stoked because it’s already evolved into a new sound, and that’s all I wanted. And I would have taken two years to make that happen, but it just kind of happened naturally, so that’s all I could really ask for.”

December 2013: Taylor meets Diane Warren and they write Say, Don't Go.

[Diane Warren to Rolling Stone] Warren, who typically writes on her own, says the two of them “sat down and wrote the song,” which was released Friday as one of 1989 (Taylor’s Version)‘s vault tracks, “from scratch” during the last few days of 2013. She remembers being impressed with how specific Swift was with her lyricism and how considerate she was about how her fans might receive it. “She was very particular about how she said certain things. It was a really interesting experience. She gets her audience,” Warren says. “She’s deeply aware of how her fans want to hear something. I can’t explain it, but that’s probably why she’s the biggest fucking star in the world.”

2013: Taylor writes New Romantics and Wonderland. Not much is known about these songs, except that they were both written in 2013.

[About New Romantics] “People will say, 'Let me set you up with someone', and I’m just sitting there saying, ‘That’s not what I’m doing. I’m not lonely. I’m not looking.’ They just don’t get it. I’ve learned that just because someone is cute and wants to date you, that’s not a reason to sacrifice your independence and allow everyone to say whatever they want about you. I’m not doing that anymore. It’d take someone really special for me to undergo the circumstances I have to go through to experience a date. I don’t know how I would ever have another person in my world trying to have a relationship with me, or a family.”

New Romantics handwritten lyrics:

Wonderland Handwritten lyrics:

January 1, 2014: Taylor records Say, Don't Go.

[Diane Warren to Rolling Stone] Several days after writing the song together, they got into Warren’s office to record a demo, where Swift played it on her acoustic guitar. “We demoed it on New Year’s Day. And I’m a workaholic, and that’s fine for me,” she says. “But I remember being impressed that she did, too. Everybody’s on vacation, but she showed up.”

January 6, 2014: Taylor decides to look for a house in New York.

[Lover Journal] LA. So I've decided I want to look at places in New York. I know I went through this phase months ago, but it has to mean something that i've circled back to it, right? You know what they say, if you love something let it go and if it comes back... blah blah blah. so I'm leaving the day after tomorrow. Dating is awful. Love is fiction/ a myth. I'm over it all.

January 21, 2014: Taylor sends Ryan Tedder the I Know Places Voice Memo.

January 22, 2014: [From the 1989 Booklet] Taylor and Ryan finish and record I Know Places.

“I had this idea of like, when you’re in love, along the lines of 'Out of the Woods’, it’s very precious, it’s fragile. As soon as the world gets ahold of it, whether it’s your friends or people around town hear about it... it’s kind of like the first thing people want to do when they hear that people are in love is just kind of try to ruin it. I kind of was in a place where I was like, ‘No one is gonna sign up for this. There are just too many cameras pointed at me. There are too many ridiculous elaborations on my life. It’s just not ever gonna work.‘ But I decided to write a love song, just kind of like, ‘What would I say if I met someone really awesome and they were like, hey, I’m worried about all this attention you get?’ So I wrote this song called ‘I Know Places’ about, ‘Hey, I know places we can hide. We could outrun them.’ I’m so happy that it sounds like the urgency that it sings.”

January 23, 2014: Taylor and Ryan Tedder write Welcome To New York. Ryan produces a demo in three hours. This demo is the one included in the album.

“I wanted to start 1989 with this song because New York has been an important landscape and location for the story of my life in the last couple of years. I dreamt and obsessed over moving to New York, and then I did it. The inspiration that I found in that city is hard to describe and to compare to any other force of inspiration I’ve ever experienced in my life. It’s an electric city.”

[Ryan Tedder] “I thought we were going to walk in and start something from scratch because that's what I was used to. Then she calls me and says, 'Is it cool if I already have an idea?' I said, 'Sure.' She said, 'I have this song, I'm obsessed with New York and I just moved there, I want to write an ode to New York because no one's done it in a long time.' And then she sent me a voice memo. She's like, 'I want it to sound like the 1980s.' So the next day I brought in a Juno-106, which is a very 1980s keyboard, and I literally programmed that entire song right in front of her. It was very much on the fly, and that song was done in about three hours. And I did the rest of the production I think later that week.”

Handwritten lyrics:

January 26, 2014: Night of the 56th Grammy Awards. Taylor delivers a legendary performance of All Too Well, but loses the Album Of The Year Award to Random Access Memory by Daft Punk. This will prompt Taylor to make a "sonically cohesive" pop album.

[Lover Journal] January 25th. LA. It's the middle of the night and I was at the Clive Davis Party tonight which means... the Grammys are tomorrow. Never have I felt so good about our chances. Never have I wanted something as badly as I want to hear them say 'Red' is the Album of the Year.

“It was the night of the Grammys this year. I remember going home and playing a lot of the new music I had recorded for some of my backup singers and one of my best friends. We were all sitting in the kitchen and I was playing them all this music, and they were just saying, ‘You know, this is very eighties. It’s very clear to us that this is so eighties.’ We were just talking and talking about how it’s kind of a rebirth in a new genre, how that’s a big, bold step. Kind of starting a part of your career over. When they left that night, I just had this very clear moment of, ‘It’s gotta be called 1989.’”

“I woke up one morning at 4 a.m. and I decided the album is called 1989. I’ve been making ‘80s synth pop, I’m just gonna do that. I’m calling it a pop record. I’m not listening to anyone at my label. I’m starting tomorrow. I liked the idea of collaborating. But with 1989 I decided to narrow down the list. It wasn’t going to be 10 producers, it was going to be a very small team of four or five people I always wanted to work with, or loved working with. And Max Martin and I were going to oversee it, and we were going to make a sonically cohesive record again.”

January 2014: Taylor writes You Are In Love. This is actually speculation but it's based on (1) Taylor going to NY in early January and (2) Jack Antonoff confirming that it was the fourth song they did and (3) it's the only Antonoff-produced song that is copyrighted in 2014. Based on the credits, I'm pretty sure that Taylor and Jack worked on the song separately, with Jack recording the instrumental at the Jungle City Studios in NY (which is a studio that Jack used in 2014 to record Bleachers' first album Strange Desire) and Taylor recording the vocals at Conway Studio in LA.

“I wrote it with my friend Jack Antonoff who’s dating my friend Lena. Jack sent me this song, it was just an instrumental track he was working on and immediately I knew the song it needed to be. And I wrote it as a kind of commentary on what their relationship has been like. So it’s actually me looking and going, ‘This happened and that happened, then that happened and that’s how you knew you are in love.’”

“I’ve never had that, so I wrote that song about things that Lena Dunham has told me about her and Jack Antonoff. That’s just basically stuff she’s told me. And I think that that kind of relationship — God, it sounds like it would just be so beautiful — would also be hard. It would also be mundane at times.”

“We first worked on that song together and realized we kind of have a good thing, and the next thing we did was ‘Sweeter Than Fiction,’ which was on the [One Chance] soundtrack, and after that we did ‘Out of the Woods’ and another song called ‘You Are in Love.’

January 26, 2014: At the Grammy's, Diane Warren reveals that she and Taylor wrote a song together (aka Say, Don't Go).

[Transcript] “I worked with Taylor Swift on a great song. I don't even know what she's done [for her next album], I'm excited about the one that we did, it's pretty cool.”

[Billboard 2016 Interview] “I know [Swift] likes it, so hopefully it will see the light of day. I know she really likes the song. She didn’t want me to give it away, so hopefully that means she wants it.”

February 9, 2014: [From the 1989 Booklet] While in London, during the European leg of the Red Tour, Taylor and Imogen Heap write Clean in just 9 hours at Imogen's home studio. Taylor will sing the song just two times.

Voice memo here;

“'Clean' I wrote as I was walking out of Liberty in London. Someone I used to date – it hit me that I’d been in the same city as him for two weeks and I hadn’t thought about it. When it did hit me, it was like, ‘Oh, I hope he’s doing well’. And nothing else. And you know how it is when you’re going through heartbreak. A heartbroken person is unlike any other person. Their time moves at a completely different pace than ours. It’s this mental, physical, emotional ache and feeling so conflicted. Nothing distracts you from it. Then time passes, and the more you live your life and create new habits, you get used to not having a text message every morning saying, ‘Hello, beautiful. Good morning.’ You get used to not calling someone at night to tell them how your day was. You replace these old habits with new habits, like texting your friends in a group chat all day, and planning fun dinner parties, and going out on adventures with your girlfriends, and then all of a sudden one day you’re in London and you realize you’ve been in the same place as your ex for two weeks and you’re fine. And you hope he’s fine. The first thought that came to my mind was – I’m finally clean.”

“'Clean' is the last song on the album for a lot of reasons, but mostly because it felt like the complication of this emotional process I’ve been going through for the last couple of years. You know, I feel like my personal life was really, really discussed, and criticized, and debated, and talked about to a point where it made me feel almost kind of tarnished, in a way. And the discussion wasn’t about music. It broke my heart that I had made an album that I was proud of, and I was touring the world, and playing sold-out stadiums, and still they managed to only want to talk about my personal life. At a certain point I felt a switch and it was at the end of recording this album that I began to feel like my life was mine again and my music was at the forefront again. I was living my life on my own terms and I really no longer cared what people were saying about me. That was when I started so see people talk less about the things that didn’t matter.”

“I had this metaphor in my head about being in this house, there’s been a drought but you feel like there’s a storm coming. Instead of trying to block out the storm you punch a hole in the roof and just let all the rain come in, and when you wake up in the morning, it’s washed away.”

[Imogen Heap] “We met at my studio in London. She had the bare bones of “Clean.” She had the lyric, the chorus and the chords. I thought it was brilliant.I was really writing the tiniest amount just to help her do what she does. I put some noises, played various instruments on it, including drums, and anytime she expressed she liked something I was doing, I did it more. It was a really fun day. She recorded all her vocals during that one session. She did two takes, and the second take was it. We always thought she would probably re-record it, because we thought it can’t possibly be that easy. But after we lived with it for a few months, we felt it was great. I knew she loved it. She said she loved it and her mum loved it. But I wasn’t sure it would be included on the album. But everyone felt it had something special. It came together really magically.”

Imogen's detailed blog entry about this songwriting session.

[Taylor about Imogen Heap] “The coolest thing about Imogen for me was that there was no one else in the studio. There was no assistant; there was no engineer. It was her doing everything.”

February 11, 2014: Taylor gets a haircut. (I'm including this for funsies)

February 15, 2014: Taylor, Max Martin and Shellback write Shake It Off.

Voice memo here;

[Lover Journal] LA. This week I've been in the studio with Max and Johan every day and it has been the most creatively successful and fulfilling time. The first day, Johan just made a really up tempo drum beat because we decided we needed something up and light. We worked at it for a few hours before i just started singing "shake it off, shake it off, shake it off" And then the best way i know how to describe it is that the chorus just fell out of the sky. It ended up being this song about doing your own thing even though haters are gonna hate, and you just have to dance to your own beat. We all went home and I wrote the first and second verses and brought them in the next day. We wrote this chanty cheer leader bridge that I absolutely LOVE. We spent all day doing vocals and the next day recording the background vocals. I think it'll end up being the first single and Max said it's his favorite song he's ever been a part of.

[Max Martin during the lawsuit] “Shellback started out with a drumbeat. Shellback, Taylor, and I then collaboratively developed the melody and other lines of ‘Shake It Off’ to Shellback’s drumbeat. I did not write or provide any input into any lyrics in ‘Shake It Off,’ which were written entirely by Taylor.”

“I've had every part of my life dissected – my choices, my actions, my words, my body, my style, my music. When you live your life under that kind of scrutiny, you can either let it break you, or you can get really good at dodging punches. And when one lands, you know how to deal with it. And I guess the way that I deal with it is to shake it off.”

“The message in the song is a problem I think we all deal with and an issue we deal with on a daily basis. We don’t live just in a celebrity takedown culture, we live in a takedown culture. People will find anything about you and twist it to where it’s weird or wrong or annoying or strange or bad. You have to not only live your life in spite of people who don’t understand you, you have to have more fun than they do.”

February 19, 2014: Taylor, Max Martin, Shellback and Ali Payami write Style. This is the last song made for the album.

“I loved comparing these timeless visuals with a feeling that never goes out of style. It's basically one of those relationships that's always a bit off. The two people are trying to forget each other. So, it's like, 'All right, I heard you went off with her, and well, I've done that, too.' My previous albums have also been sort of like, 'I was right, you were wrong, you did this, it made me feel like this' – a righteous sense of right and wrong in a relationship. What happens when you grow up is you realize the rules in a relationship are very blurred and that it gets very complicated very quickly, and there's not a case of who was right or who was wrong.”

“This song is about those relationships that are never really done. You always kind of have that person, that one person who you feel might interrupt your wedding and be like, ‘Don’t do it cause we’re not over yet.'”

[Guitarist Niklas Ljungfelt] “I played on “Style,” a song I started with Ali Payami for ourselves. He was playing it for Max Martin at his studio; Taylor overheard it and loved it. She and Max wrote new lyrics. But I recorded the guitar on it before it was a Taylor song. It was an instrumental. I didn’t have a clue that Taylor would sing on it. The inspiration came from Daft Punk and funky electronic music.”

1989 is officially done!

[Taylor On Ryan Seacrest] “I'm pretty sure after we finished this one I knew the record was done. Shake It Off and Style were the last two songs to be written for 1989.”

February 19, 2014: While on tour, Ryan Tedder produces another three versions of Welcome To New York.

[Ryan Tedder interview] “I was in Switzerland on a tour bus, and I did four versions of 'Welcome to New York,' one of which I liked personally more, but the thing about artists is they become very obsessed with the demo. She was in love with the demo so no matter how hard I fought, she brought it back to the demo, so really what you hear is what I did on the first day.”

March 22, 2014: Billboard reports that Taylor and Ryan Tedder have worked together in LA in January

March 24, 2014: [From a Lover Journal] Taylor moves to New York.

[Lover Journal] So in the last few weeks, I've completely moved into my apartment in Tribeca. That's right, I'm writing this from my new bed in my new place, watching Law and Order with Meredith. Strangely, I've never felt more busy.

May 1, 2014: 1989 Photoshoot (I got this date from an insider)

Behind the scenes photo shared by the photographers Sarah Barlow and her husband Stephen Schofield

May 29, 2014: [From a Lover Journal] Taylor chooses another photo for the cover, after having a nightmare of the previous one being not enough.

May 30, 2014: Taylor chooses the album cover.

[Lover Journal] Shanghai. So we got to China at around 2pm and I knew it would completely ruin me if I slept when i got to the hotel, so I decided to work out. WHY IS THIS PEN RUNNING OUT?! Just went to my purse and got my pen. So a crazy story unfolded in the last 24 hours. Last night, I had this vivid dream where the photo I'd chosen for the album cover wasn't good enough, intriguing enough, artful enough. it woke me up. I couldn't shake it and it stayed with me all day. Because that nagging feeling I'd been pushing back for weeks was now confirmed in my gut... it wasn't good enough. I went to the venue, mind racing, wandering if I'd have to do an entirely new photo shoot... I got to my dressing room with newer versions of the "cover" I looked at it and felt nothing. The team pulled up this new scanned file of the polaroids we had taken during the shoot. I saw it within 10 seconds. The shot. The cover. It's a polaroid of me sitting against a beige wall with a blue seagull sweatshirt on. You can see my red lips but the photo cuts off my eyes. For some reason unknown to me it's the most intriguing photo i've seen. I think it's the mystery of not seeing my eyes. Maybe it just looks effortlessly cool. The craziest moment came when something caught my eye. The cover photo is photo 13. I kid you not. I played a sold out show in Shanghai tonight and the crowd was amazing. Tomorrow we go to Tokyo, where they'll have the whole ticker tape parade at the airport. Smile and wave...

Mid To Late 2014: Taylor and Jack write Now That We Don't Talk.

[Tumblr Music] "Now That We Don't Talk is one of my favorite songs that was left behind. It was so hard to leave it behind, but I think we wrote it a little bit towards the end of the process, and we couldn't get the production right at the time. But we had tons of time to perfect the production this time, and figure out what we wanted the song to sound like, and I just think it's, I think it's the shortest song I've ever had. I think it packs a punch. I think it really goes in for the short amount of time we have, I think it makes its point."

Conclusive notes

What 1989 represented for Taylor:

“The 1980s was a very experimental time in pop music. People realized songs didn't have to be this standard drums-guitar-bass-whatever. We can make a song with synths and a drum pad. We can do group vocals for the entire song. We can do so many different things. And I think what you saw happening with music was also happening in our culture, where people were just wearing whatever crazy colors they wanted to, because why not? There just seemed to be this energy about endless opportunities, endless possibilities, endless ways you could live your life. And so with this record, I thought, 'There are no rules to this. I don't need to use the same musicians I've used, or the same band, or the same producers, or the same formula. I can make whatever record I want.'”

“In the past, I've written mostly about heartbreak or pain that was caused by someone else and felt by me. On this album, I'm writing about more complex relationships, where the blame is kind of split 50–50 ... even if you find the right situation relationship-wise, it's always going to be a daily struggle to make it work.”

Bonus: Secret Messages

Author's note: I wrote this timeline around 2 years ago. While I found some dates later on, this is 100% my research. If you use this timeline for your posts, research or whatever, PLEASE, credit me! I'd be very thankful. This is 2 years of work.

Links to my other Timelines:

Writing of Fearless Timeline

Writing of Speak Now Timeline

Writing of Red Timeline

My Spreadsheet with a timeline overview

Credits:

Most of the quotes have been copy-pasted from Taylor Swift Switzerland.

Taylor Swift Pictures for the candids.

Heather from Nerdy by Nature for the WTNY handwritten lyrics picture.

[ameliemaaaee]

The Silent Witness - Oneshot Series

(2) How you Become an Agent

Chapter Information Summary: With a sudden career change underway you find yourself enraveled in a case that's more than personal for the BAU. Content Warnings: S6/7 Spoilers, Doyle Arc Spoilers, Canon Violence/Gore, Awkward!Reader & Spencer, Betraya/Lies. Word Count: 9,504.

Story Masterlist - (1) - (2)

You were extremely glad the long day was coming to an end. The lab-techs were arriving to clean the morgue for the evening, and you were ready to happily retire to your apartment for the night, where you would remain on-call until the morning.

You quickly bustled around your small desk, your body on autopilot as you cleaned up the files and packed up your belongings.

You were pulled out of your reverie by the shrill ringing of your telephone. You began to irrationally panic, dropping the stack of files onto your chair as quickly as possible, not wanting to keep the caller waiting.

Once you finally had free hands and lifted the receiver you were met with a familiar voice you couldn’t help smiling at.

“Hi Y/N, it’s Agent Hotchner from the BAU.” You couldn’t help but smile at the vaguely familiar voice.

“Yes, to what do I owe the pleasure, agent?”

“I actually have a couple questions. I need a consult.”

“Yeah, that’s not a problem... fire away!”

“We have an agent who is in some trouble at the moment…” You hum down the receiver to indicate to Hotch you were listening.

“… she’s being transferred into WITSEC, but in order for that transition to raise no questions, she needs to ‘die’.”

“Yeah, that makes sense.” You say, your tone taking an even and professional edge.

“She was seriously injured in an encounter with an UnSub, and sent to hospital, where she was then airlifted to another and stabilised. I can’t disclose much more, but I was wondering if a post-mortem report would be necessary?”

“Okay, well most hospitals conduct post-mortems on their patients if they die in their care. And these are supposed to be easily accessible to the friends and family of the deceased. So, I would say that if you’re trying to cover all bases it would be a necessary move.”

“How would I go about that?” You twirl your hair around your finger, deep in thought.

“If you email me over her patient file, I can sign off on a PM report for you? I’m obviously totally excluded from this case, and you would need her consent to share the files, but I’m totally covered legally for that type of thing.”

“You don’t mind?”

“Absolutely not. Not if it lifts a weight off your shoulders, plus I can do PM reports in my sleep.”

You hear Agent Hotchner chuckle through the phone at this.

“That would be greatly appreciated doctor.”

“Yeah, as I said just send me over…”

“-Actually, I had one last thing to ask.” He continues, piquing your interest.

“Okay-”

“We had an increase in budget this year that would allow us to hire an extra agent. I have been in contact with my higher-ups who are currently in the process of trying to bring forensic medical professionals into the bureau, and they are currently finishing up a state-of-the-art mortuary facility on the academy grounds.”

You pause, absorbing all the information agent Hotchner was relaying too you, trying to process what he meant by all of this, and you couldn’t help but feel the excitement swell in your heart as you got your hopes up.

“The brass was obviously aware of you, and how highly I spoke of you on our return, and they requested that I reach out and ask you personally if you would be willing to consider a position. Now, I’m aware that it’s a big ask and that it would require a trans-Atlantic mo-“

“-Absolutely, I would absolutely consider it.” You can’t hide the excitement in your voice as you cut the agent off.

“-That’s great, I’m currently in the process of trying to negotiate a forensic professional to our team, who would be essential in commencing the work of the forensic pathology department, before stepping back into a role primarily within the BAU; and they said yes, we are just working out some of the finer details.”

“Hotch, do you happen to remember what I said in the café that day?” You heard him laugh.

“Yes.”

“This means, a lot to me. Thank you.”

“It’s no problem at all, I think you would be perfectly suited here.”

You try to contain your joy as Agent Hotchner takes a slight pause.

“I have a meeting later, I will keep you updated, but be prepared; this position will open up fairly quickly. I will also forward you the information regarding our agent.”

“That’s great, I will get all of that sorted for you tomorrow. Hotch?”

“Yes?”

“Thanks… really, this is the best thing anyone has ever done for me.” His laugh emanates through the phone again as you smile widely.

“It’s no problem, doctor. Have a good night.”

“And you.”

As you place the phone back down in its cradle you can’t help but jump up and down as a sense of overwhelming joy overtakes you.

The rush of adrenaline allows you to tidy your desk in record time and soon you find yourself slinging your bag over your shoulder and walking out onto the crowded streets of London, striding to the nearest Tube Station a bright, smile on your face that was here to stay.

-

Hotch wasn’t lying when he said the position would open up quickly, within a month you were officially an American citizen, and a federal agent in training about to begin your first day…. Well, half-day.

Nothing would ever come close to describing the anxiousness you felt gazing up at the looming foyer of the FBI Academy in which the BAU was based.

Butterflies swam through your stomach as you proceeded up the steps and towards the main doors where an FBI crest was flaunted above the doors inscribed with ‘Fidelity, Integrity, Bravery.” The words somehow calmed you. These people were the best of the best, and so were you, just maybe not at hand-to-hand combat.

Hotch had quickly made you aware that the unit was in a transitional period due to both, a major investigation, and the aforementioned ‘death’ of an agent. This meant, he would not be able to greet you, and instead he would be sending Garcia, a familiar face.

And as you made your way through the sliding glass doors, she quickly bustled up to you engulfing you in her arms; a hug you couldn’t help but find comforting. You were in slightly over your head; a new country, a new job, and what you hoped would be a new group of friends.

Garcia practically dragged you towards a front desk to retrieve a visitor pass and then towards a set of elevators.

“I’m so glad you’re here you know?”

“I’m glad to be here.”

“The whole team loved you in London.”

You grin at this, quickly snapping back to attention as the elevator doors slide open onto the sixth floor. You had little time to process this however as Penelope quickly grabbed your hand and dragged you towards glass doors that were inscribed with the initials ‘BAU’. If you weren’t nervous before, you were now.

“I should let you know that we are in a state of eternal chaos right now. I’m pretty sure Hotch hasn’t even had the chance to tell the team you are coming yet.” Garcia pushes open the doors and leads you through into a large open area.

The main floor of the BAU was carpeted, and spacious L-shaped desks created a sort of bullpen. Each desk had a unique personality that you couldn’t help noting. A raised platform ran along the back of the room housing offices and to the far left, what looked like a conference room.

The space was surprisingly welcoming for an office, and you slowly scanned the room, unable to spot any familiar faces before you were being dragged towards a corridor.

“This is my bat-cave.” Garcia has a proud look on her face as she walks into a large computer room littered with monitors, and a large wall-high computer unit sat behind glass on the other wall.

“Wait- this is amazing! Did you program it all?” You whisper as you trail your finger across the trinket-covered desk, noting the operating system was like no other you had ever seen.

“I did indeed.” You grin as you turn to face her, prying your eyes away from the impressive computers.

“Okay, the team will be here in about 10 minutes, in the meantime I have a PowerPoint.”

“A PowerPoint?”

“Yes, it’s the best way to deliver information.” You laugh shyly, shrugging your shoulders as she fiddles with her computer for a second before dragging you across the ramp, and towards the aforementioned conference room, pointing out offices as she went.

“This is Hotch’s office, he never leaves it unless he’s forced to. This is Rossi’s office, He has expensive renaissance art, and Morgan’s office is back there, he’s hot.” You can’t help but laugh at their dynamic which had stuck out to you in London, but it clearly wasn’t a one-off occurrence.

“…and this, my friend, is the round table room.” You quickly get ushered into one of the comfortable desk chairs as the screen lights up, Garcia standing in front of it.

“This is gonna be less dramatic since you’ve met everyone already but here goes nothing I guess-“

The screen flashes with a title slide reading ‘The Behavioural Analysis Unit’ in bold lettering, the unit logo accompanying it.

“I like your font choice-“ You smile as Garcia thanks you and changes the slide.

“Ohhh yes! Meet the team. This is the best part.” You chuckle at this allowing her to continue.

“Okay, so we of course have Supervisory Special Agent Aaron Hotchner…” You try to hold back a laugh as a small photo pops up on the screen accompanying some facts.

“…he is our ‘boss man’ and he’s the dad of the team, but he’s also actually a dad; his son’s name is Jack, and I can’t really remember what age he is but he’s very sweet. He also doesn’t smile… or blink, like ever so don’t be scared that’s just him.” You find yourself wondering whether or not this PowerPoint had been run past Hotch or not.

“Okay, we have me. Fun fact, I’m fabulous. If you ever need a sneaky background check on anyone, I can do that in literally three seconds flat, and I’m also fabulous.”

“Then we have Derek -Chocolate Thunder- Morgan. I’m his baby girl, don’t steal him from me, thank you. The rest is self-explanatory… just, look at him!” You lean back in your seat rolling your eyes, but the sudden sound of a door opening grabs your attention, startling you.

“Garcia?” JJ makes her way into the room quickly spotting you sat on the chair. She laughs slightly as she notices the slideshow proudly displayed on the projector.

“Did you run this past Hotch?”

 “No-“ JJ laughs, rolling her eyes as she turns to you, offering a warm smile.

“Dr. L/N, it’s great to have you here, I’ll take you to Hotch’s office. He left the contracts in there.”

-

“Who’s that?” Morgan points towards a shadowed figure sat opposite JJ in Hotch’s office.

The team had been busy monitoring Declan and trying to come up with a plan for when Doyle resurfaced that, they had failed to remember Hotch’s brief mention of a new agent before he left for his temporary assignment in Pakistan.

“JJ’s probably talking to Strauss.” Spencer shrugs, squinting one last time at the image distorted by the half-closed blinds.

“There were whispers of a new agent-“ Rossi says, rolling his eyes at the team’s speculation, fully aware he was only furthering their curiosity. But instead, he leads them towards the conference room where Garcia is preparing case files.

“Hotch wouldn’t hire a new agent, not right now anyway, he isn’t even here.” Spencer places his satchel across the back of the chair before slumping down into it.

“Yeah, with this whole Doyle thing, it wouldn’t make sense. Plus, it’s not like anybody would willingly walk into this chaos.”

The team begin to discuss their findings amongst themselves, taking notes.

-

“Alright Y/N, you don’t have to sign the contracts for your main job until Hotch returns. For now, you just need to sign the ones admitting you into the Academy, where you will complete the physical requirements. The academics have been waived, as you will be spending your free time with us.” You nod, quickly scrawling your signature down into all the open spaces on the contract and hand the form to JJ.

“Okay, Academy starts in three days, but for now you can come and meet the team.” JJ smiles at you patting you lightly on your shoulder.

“You’re gonna do great.” You feel your cheeks heat up.

“Do the team know I’m coming?” JJ stops at the door, turning to you.

“They don’t. We are currently tracking an international terrorist who killed one of our own, and it’s pretty much a waiting game until he resurfaces. They’ve been pretty preoccupied.” You nod, solemnly at JJ.

“Thanks for the falsified PM report by the way.” She chuckles as your eyes widen.

“You know?”

“Yeah, it was a joint decision between Hotch and I to put Agent Prentiss into WITSEC, this is the tail end of her case.” You gasp as you make the connection.

“I read about it, He was vengeful at Emily for killing his son, so he attempted to murder her.” JJ nods.

“But in front of the team, you know nothing okay? As far as they are aware Emily Prentiss was killed by Ian Doyle. That’s it.”

“Got it.” You allow JJ to lead you down the hallway towards the BAU roundtable room, where you can see the team sat talking amongst themselves.

“Guys-“ JJ speaks up as she walks through the door, you follow her through standing awkwardly as the teams eyes fall on you.

“Y/N?” Spencer’s voice pipes up as you give him a small smile and an awkward wave, which doesn’t falter the confusion across his features.

“Hotch never got around to telling you, but Y/N is going to be our newest team member. For the moment she’s in training. But she will become an invaluable asset to this team once Hotch returns and she is assigned her true position. She will work with us whilst running then new forensic pathology department in the Bureau.” You gaze over the team attempting to process JJ’s words.

“She’s not an agent?” Derek speaks up. You are too distracted however, by Spencer who is patting the empty seat beside him.

You settle in the seat as JJ begins explaining your situation.

“Y/N is technically in the academy, she’s completing the fitness and marksmanship regime, we will provide the academic training here. Once Hotch returns, she will then hopefully be an agent, and then he will arrange her paperwork for her official position.” Morgan furrows his brows, but nods at this.

“I was remediated in the academy also.” Spencer pipes up from beside you, catching your attention.

“For what?” You quietly question, your curiosity peaking.

“Pretty much anything relating to physical strength, or capabilities. If it wasn’t inherently textbook based, I didn’t do it.” You chuckle.

“I mean, I agreed to do all the physical training.” You smile down at your lap, as Morgan laughs.

“She’s smart and athletic, pretty boy you’ve got competition.” A blush rolls over Spencer’s cheeks as the rest of the team join in a chorus of laughter. You can’t help but feel the blush rising to your own cheeks also.

“Why did you move from London?” your gaze turns to Rossi, who offers you a small smile.

“I was just interested in a change, and I was lucky enough to be able to take this opportunity.” You smiled at the group, trying your best to keep your eyes on the people, and not on your lap where they defaulted to.

“I must say, it’s a bit strange that both times we’ve met it has been over an international terrorist.” Spencer’s voice cuts through the remaining chatter and laughter, his observation creating a new rise out of the team.

“Yeah, I guess.”

-

“Do you think it’s weird?” You practically whisper as Spencer weaves you through the bullpen, towards what you were to assume would be your new desk.

“What’s weird?” He furrows his brow as he rolls out the chair, beckoning you to sit.

The desk was empty, apart from a monitor, keyboard and mouse that provided you access to various FBI databases. You weren’t one for clutter and material possessions, but you couldn’t help but recognise that the empty desk struck fear in your heart, it felt like a metaphor for your new life in Quantico.

“Me being here.” Your voice comes out a bit sadder than anticipated, each syllable laced with insecurity that would easily be picked up by a profiler.

“No, it’s not weird. In fact, I think it’s a good thing.” You feel yourself relax slightly at Spencer’s reassurance.

Reid was a sweet guy, and you were glad you had been partnered with him to learn basic profiling skills; not that you would be expected to use them, as Spencer had said, but he thought they would be good to know.

Truth be told, you were pretty sure the team had been trying their best to fill time. With the group being rather disbanded, and cases being on hold Spencer had chosen teaching you as a valid time-passing opportunity.

Pulling you out of your thoughts Spencer stood at the desk opposite, his fingers trailing over the spines of the books he had stacked high, before selecting one.

“That’s your desk?” You snapped your head up towards him as he offered you a lopsided grin and a nod.

“Yeah.” You felt a blush roll over your face, that you quickly hid by gazing down at your lap, allowing Spencer to push his chair up next to yours.

“I have an idea, that’s more interesting than reading a book.” You look up at him in confusion.

“Apparently there’s this game, called two truths and a lie?” You simply nod your head, at what sounded like a question. He seemed unsure of his own idea as he quickly continued.

“Well, in criminal profiling one of the most useful skills is to know when someone is lying. It’s obviously not one-hundred-percent fool proof, but it can dictate your next move as regards their case. And I guess it could be useful in life?” You chuckle at this, nodding your head, trying to hide your anxiousness at the prospect of having to read someone’s behaviour in front of a professional.

“I’m -uh- I’m notoriously terrible at reading people.” You feel your cheeks heat up yet again in embarrassment. Spencer’s eyes connect with yours and you quickly divert your gaze away from him.

“It’s okay, we can make it easy. I know what my tell is so I will make it more obvious for you to begin with. Just study my behaviour as best as you can and let me know if you want me to say them again.” You nod, swallowing harshly.

“Okay, I was sixteen when I got my first PhD in mathematics.” Spencer pauses, as you slowly take him in, he seems totally normal, you nod.

“I graduated high school at twelve.” You watch him again, noticing absolutely no change in his behaviour.

“I was twenty-two when I joined the BAU.” You furrow your brows, totally unsure of which was a lie, they all seemed plausible for a genius like Spencer.

“I-uhm-“ You turn your gaze to him panicking slightly as you realise, he’s looking for an answer.

“I- have no idea.” You whisper, crossing your legs up in the chair as Spencer nods.

“That’s okay, do you want to try again?” You can’t help but deflate at the idea of going through that again.

“O-okay.”

Spencer repeats the three statements again, his gaze remains fixed on you as if he’s reading your ultimate confusion.

Spencer immediately notes you perking up after the third statement.

“The first one is a lie, right?” You say, trying to hold back the grin on your face.

“How do you know?” Oh shit. You certainly couldn’t explain yourself, then he would know that you totally failed the exercise and used logic instead.

If he graduated high school at twelve, he couldn’t have had a PhD at sixteen, right? That whittles it down to a fifty-fifty chance it’s either one of them… maybe?

“Uhm, well the average PhD takes seven years to complete, five years for your masters, and then two for your dissertation. You’re pretty smart, but not super-human enough to only manage it in four years, considering you have to learn all course material and write an 80,000-word dissertation.”

You continue talking when Spencer fails to fill the silence, you failing to notice the look of shock on Spencer’s face.

“Well, I personally graduated medical school in four years, instead of five. So, I was twenty-one, and then did my two years of foundation training and it was extremely difficult to do extra-curricular research alongside full-time work, and placements. This was all despite the fact that I never found it difficult to remember the academics. I digress though, it would be virtually impossible to do a PhD in 4 years.”

Spencer swallows harshly as he chuckles.

“Yeah, I -uhm- well, you were right.” He’s still relatively speechless and you can’t help but begin to worry that you overwhelmed him.

“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to ramble, I just- I know it was supposed to be human behaviour, but I don’t- I couldn’t-“

“It’s okay Y/N, I just didn’t realise you were so impressive-“ Spencer’s voice has jumped an octave and he’s staring at you so intensely that you shrivel back into your chair.

“I- I mean, I’m not- I, -I just relate to you?” Spencer shifts in his chair, a squeak interrupting the silence, and causing you to jump.

“It’s o-okay, it’s nice to have-“

“Reid! L/N! Can you come into the roundtable room? We’re going to catch you up on Doyle.” JJ gestures for the pair of you to follow her, interrupting the awkward exchange between the pair of you, replacing it with a work environment that would mask you amongst others.

-

“We were in the hospital for about eight hours, that night, but she died on the table.” You hang your head slowly, nodding as Morgan’s voice wavers uncharacteristically. You had to try your best to keep the secret.

“We never got access to the post-mortem report from the hospital either, not even Garcia could find it.” Your head snaps up at this as you quickly come up with an excuse.

“Yeah, well you wouldn’t be allowed access to it without a next-of-kin’s consent. It’s likely that because her killer was still loose and was so high-profile, that they wouldn’t want to offer up any sensitive info. Her personnel file was erased right?”

“Yeah, it was.” Morgan confirms.

“Well, it’s just so they can’t get to people who are involved in her case as easily.” You place your hands on the desk in front of you as Spencer eyes you.

The rest of the team look pretty sad, Garcia is dabbing her eyes with a tissue, Spencer appears to be peeved off, but Morgan’s face is set in unadulterated frustration.

“Doyle knows us, he knows the BAU. If he wants blood, he will come for us.” You shrug slightly at this; the fact of the matter was they wouldn’t have access, even if it existed.

“I’m sorry Morgan.” You say, pursing your lips together offering him a tight smile.

“How about we just go back to-“ JJ leans forwards patting the centre of the table in an attempt to steer the conversation back on track.

“-yeah.” Reid jumped in, before continuing.

“We knew that after Emily’s death, Doyle would want to resurface to search for his son Declan who-

“Sorry to interrupt Reid but speaking of resurfacing-“ You can practically feel the panic emanating from the team as they all dash towards Garcia at the head of the table, leaving you behind.

You rock side to side in the swivel chair as the team all gather in the corner of the room talking over Garcia’s laptop screen.

“That’s him.”

“Can we be so sure? I mean, it’s only been a month.”

“Spencer, I- Y/N, can you come here?”

You stand making your way towards JJ who is shuffling through a folder.

“This is a photograph of Ian Doyle. Is this man from the CCTV him?” She pokes her finger towards the male in question on the laptop.

“I mean given how statistically unlikely it is for someone this remarkably similar to exist in an area being surveyed for Doyle’s presence, I would say yes that definitely is him. Especially so, considering he has no biological siblings.” JJ nods, agreeing with you.

The rest of the team straighten up, looking to each other as if to decide who gives the orders, all eyes eventually settling on Derek.

“Okay, well I think we should set up surveillance for Declan full time. He is our priority.” You nod in response, as JJ quickly grabs a pen, scrawling on the back of her case file.

“We can dispatch agents to his house to watch for suspicious activity. Spencer, Penelope, we need you to track all of Doyle’s aliases, and update us if any of them resurface, or lead you to an address. In the meantime, Morgan and I will stakeout his school, and see if he will lead us to his hideout from there. Y/N, focus on academy, it’s about to get really busy in here.” JJ Claps her hand, signalling her finish as the rest of the team hums in approval.

For once in your life the room felt alive with the determination of the team, banding together.

“Rossi is in his office reviewing cases, I’ll let him know of the break and to be on standby if we need him, and Spencer in the field.” Morgan quickly dashes past you and out the door.

After that the team quickly went their separate ways. Spencer followed Garcia into her office, and not long after Morgan resurfaced from Rossi’s office, JJ had him bustled into the elevator with little time to spare. That left you standing in the middle of the roundtable room confused, and with a day to kill before academy.

-

“Welcome to the ‘Basic Field Training’ portion of the FBI Academy. Here we will teach you Firearms, Survival Skills, Tactical and Emergency Vehicle Operations, and of course you will be completing Hogan’s Alley.”

You cross your arms, pulling against your waist, almost giving yourself a hug. You were enjoying the comfort of the FBI hoodie you had been provided with, the soft fabric seemingly dampening your anxiety. You were in a new situation, with new, unfamiliar people.

“Today, we will focus on running the single mile, and the three mile as a warm-up. We will then have you split into three groups. One team will run the obstacle course, The second will go to the shooting range, and the final group will do arrests.”

The coach seemed like a fairly nice man, he had assured you before the class that he was aware of your situation, and that Agent Hotchner had spoken very highly of you. He had also noted that you had been put into a small group of 5 trainees to assure you got plenty of attention, in case your training were to be cut short.

“Okay can the five of you line up on the track and stretch out a bit.” The group followed the SSA’s instructions, lining up at the start line.

You zoned out as you went down your body, naming each muscle in your head and stretching it out until you were satisfied that you wouldn’t injure yourself.

“Is everyone finished?”

The group let out a chorus of ‘yes sir’s, and he offered you an assuring nod.

“Good. Remember it’s not a race, you may start now. Pace yourselves and enjoy it.”

As he stepped off the track the group began moving at a pace, but you stuck towards the back of the group, saving your energy for the final few yards.

You managed to settle into the rhythm of your feet hitting against the pavement, tuning out the hum of activity coming from your other academy-mates. Your breathing was even, steady, and unwavering as you felt the rush of adrenaline overcome you that made you feel as if you could do almost anything.

When you looked up from the ground, the finish line was nearing you, and with about 150 yards left you picked up the pace, slowly making your way to the front of the group. Not in an attempt to beat them, but an attempt to prove that you belonged among these people who had to complete a fitness test to qualify, when you didn’t.

As you cross the finish line you can’t help but feel proud of yourself, you weren’t the most athletic person and a mile was an achievement, and at twelve minutes, and fifteen seconds for a mile at an easy pace you weren’t doing too bad.

“That was a good warm-up guys, now for the three mile. Again, I don’t want you to worry about this too much, because we will be completing it every day for the rest of the course, and you will get better. But as a benchmark, I would be expecting about 36-38 minutes for this. Off you go!”

And off you went again, this time you kept behind the remainder of the group, who had started off pretty quickly for what was going to be three circuits of the mile track.

As you ran you gathered your thoughts. With the Doyle case you had been practically abandoned. Spencer and Garcia were hauled up in her office, and from the glimpses of Rossi you barely saw, reviewing and consulting on cases seemed to be time-consuming work.

You had spent the remainder of yesterday reviewing some materials Spencer had dropped on your desk from the academy lectures. They were pretty self-explanatory, and anything you didn’t know was pretty simple to remember considering you would quickly jot it down, solidifying it in your mind.

By the time you had finished Spencer and Garcia had resurfaced to check on you. And even though you insisted that you were happy to stay and help them in any other ways, they had insisted you had gone home, much to your chagrin.

You had walked home to an empty, undecorated apartment. It felt pretty lonely, and you didn’t want to be there if you could avoid it. In a rush decision you had grabbed your laptop bag, and quickly walked down the street to a local diner. There you sat, scrolling through various medical journals, and hopeful articles regarding technological advancement in the forensic fields. It was at midnight that they sent you packing, in an attempt to close for the evening.

Cheers and screams pulled you back to reality as you crossed the finish line, barely acknowledging the fact you had completed your three miles.

“L/N, L/N! Stop, you did the three.” The instructor jogs over to you patting you on the shoulder, and that’s when you had the sense to turn, trying to spot the remainder of your team, who were only on the first quarter of their final mile.

“How- I’m done?”

“Yeah, you’re a speedy one. This programme will be a breeze for you, provided you can shoot.” He grins at you, and you smile back, breathing a sigh of relief. You were glad you weren’t the worst of the group.

“You’re a doctor, right?” You nod slowly, letting the SSA guide you towards the bleacher.

“Yeah, Dr. Y/N L/N. The medical kind.” He laughs at this, offering you his hand to shake.

“SSA. Jonathan Smith.” You happily take his hand, and shake it, casting your gaze to the rest of the runners who were half-way through their final mile.

“I’ve heard all about you, from Agent Hotchner of course. I was a bit sceptical when he told me you were bypassing a lot of the academy. Now that I’ve met you though, I can see why.” You grin, picking up your water bottle and taking a long gulp.

“I really want to be here, I’m just not sure I can shoot a gun.” You laugh, and he grins.

“Don’t worry, that’s why we’re here.”

Slowly the group assembles at the finish line, the few who had strayed behind catching up, and proving themselves significantly.

“Good job, our final runner finished on just over thirty-eight minutes, so you guys are spot on. Give yourselves a round of applause.” You can see all the others, grinning wide as they applaud themselves, and you can’t help it either. There was a massive sense of achievement in just completing the warm-up.

“Okay, there’s an uneven number so I will take one of you individually, and then we will have two other pairs, who will go with SSA. Alex and SSA. Jameson.” He gestures to two agents who have joined him at the front, offering you small waves at the respective mention of their names.

“L/N, you will be with me.” You make your way over to SSA Smith, as the rest of the four get sorted into their pairs, with their supervisory agent.

“I’m hoping that the individual time will be beneficial for you, and that you might learn quicker this way. Is that okay?” You nod. You were definitely grateful for Smith’s help, he had already proven to be really kind, and dedicated to your training.

“That’s great, thanks sir.”

“Oh, please just call me Jonathan.”

-

“Alright, up first we have firearms.” You grimace slightly which causes Jonathan to laugh.

“It’s not that bad, we just have some basic rules. Treat all firearms as if they are loaded, keep your finger off the trigger until you intend to press it, and never point a firearm at anyone unless you are justified.” You nod, settling into a serious mode.

“Okay, so here’s a holster, you’re going to put that on your belt.” You quickly follow his directions, placing the holster where it feels most comfortable to grab from.

“Is that comfortable? You’ve positioned it further forwards than most people.” You nod, motioning as if you were to reach from it as Jonathan hums in approval.

“Okay, if that’s good I’m going to give you your training weapon and ammunition.” You quickly accept his instruction as he shows you how to load and unload the Glock.

He quickly explains how to release the safety and shoot, and then he offers you the Glock.

“Take a few shots and see how it feels.” You guffaw at him slightly.

“Sir, I-I’ve never shot a gun in my life, I’m going to miss.”

“That’s okay, we call it training for a reason, I’ll stand behind you and help you hold it until you get used to it. I’m not expecting you to hit a target first time, you’re just getting used to it okay?” You nod, stepping up to the mark.

Jonathan, placed himself behind you, resting his hand on top of yours over the weapon to support it until you get used to the recoil.

“When you’re ready give me three shots, as close or as far apart as you wish.” You nod, adjusting your stance and then you pull the trigger.

The gunshot echoes throughout the large warehouse building and you pause, feeling the reverberation against your chest.

“You hit the target, which is great. Two more!” Your eyes scan the target, noticing he was right. To the left of the paper man’s shoulder sat a bullet hole.

In quick succession you took two more shots, more prepared for them this time, and each time you hit just outside of your target.

“That was great! Do you think you could hold it yourself?” You nod, your gaze remaining focused on the target.

You feel Jonathan step away and you prepare to focus, aligning your hand with your target, ensuring that you had foresight. And you took three more shots, this time hitting the target’s left shoulder.

“That’s great Y/N. Put the safety on and holster your weapon for me.” You quickly flip the safety, sliding the weapon into your holster and turn, unable to hold back the wide grin on your face.

“Good job Y/N, are you sure you haven’t done this before?” You shake your head quickly, still grinning like an idiot.

“-Y/N?” You both turn quickly at the sound of a voice interrupting you.

“Spencer?” You grin shyly up at the male towering over you. He was wearing goggles, and ear defenders similar to you.

“How are you? Is this academy training?” You nod at him.

“She’s never shot a gun before, and she still managed to hit the target.” Jonathan pipes up, clearly revelling in your victory. You feel your cheeks heat up.

A smile settles on Spencer’s face, as he studies the target, noticing the three hits, each getting more and more accurate.

“Good job, that’s amazing!” Spencer smiles, his gaze turning to the ground hiding a blush that rivalled your own.

“What are you doing down here, I thought you would be busy with Garcia?”

Spencer sighs, at your question, his grin dropping a bit.

“I like to come down to just blow off steam, after all that’s happened this year-“ Your mouth forms an ‘o’ shape as you realise, he means Emily’s death. You really wished you would stop walking yourself into discussions involving her, especially considering you knew she was very much alive.

“O-oh well, I’ll let you get on with it.” You stutter quickly, trying to regain your composure.

“Y-yeah, you’ll be stopping by later, won’t you? I-I’ll see you then.” He waves and strides away in quick succession, heading straight for the door as you furrow your brows. You turn to see a grin on Jonathan’s face.

“That wasn’t Dr. Spencer Reid by any chance, was it?” You find yourself confused as you nod.

“Yeah, it was.” Jonathan’s eyes widen slightly at this.

“Isn’t he like, a genius?”

“Well, I mean, I don’t think intelligence can be accurately measured, which would mean that technically ‘genius’ doesn’t exist-“ You trail off as you realise you are rambling.

“-yeah, he’s a genius.”

-

You quickly press the button for the sixth floor, relaxing as the elevator begins to carry towards the BAU.

You were aware that you looked a mess, you were dressed in an FBI sweatsuit, and your hair was damp after your much-needed shower. Luckily for you The Obstacle Course had been your final challenge for the day and running a mile in mud whilst leaping and climbing various obstacles left you yearning the sensation of hot water against stiff muscles.

You felt as though you could sleep, but it was still only three o’ clock and you didn’t want to leave until at least six; it felt mean to go home when the rest of the team would still be stuck in the office.

The elevator dings, pulling you out of your thoughts. Quickly you slung your gym bag over your shoulder and made your way towards the double-glass doors that had seemed so intimidating yesterday.

Your nerves hadn’t exactly worn off, yet, but you certainly felt more relaxed. It was more the people that made you feel anxious than the actual job. You had so many team members, and you wanted to be friends with all of them, but you were perpetually awkward and even the interactions you had with Spencer ended in you both being obscenely flustered.

“Y/N, Hi!” Garcia perks up as you enter the BAU doors, clattering towards you on her heels to engulf you in a warm hug. Though you weren’t one for physical contact, it was weirdly exactly what you needed, and you felt yourself relax in her arms.

“Don’t strangle her Garcia.” You jump slightly at the second voice coming from behind you and you turn to see Agent Rossi, grinning over a cup of coffee. Garcia releases you and you turn to face him, giving him a quick wave.

“You had academy I assume?” You nod quickly, as he takes in your attire.

“U-uhm yes sir.”

He chuckles at your formalities.

“Rossi is fine.” You nod, walking towards the coffee machine and searching for a mug.

“I keep a spare one, you can use that.” You hear Spencer’s voice echo from your left, and you jump yet again.

“You’re a jumpy one doctor.” Garcia grins as you straighten. She taps you affectionately on your nose which makes you jump again, but this time you bang your head against an overhead cabinet.

You gasp on impact, clutching the back of your head as Garcia takes a step back apologising profusely.

Spencer on the other hand rushes towards you, placing his hand over the hand you were using to cradle your head, and another on your shoulder. He slowly walks backwards, guiding you towards the break room table and sits you down.

“Are you okay?” You chuckle lightly, trying to break the awkwardness.

“Yeah, I’m fine, just…. jumpy?” Spencer grins at this. He drops his hand, making his way towards a fridge-freezer.

“I-I’m so sorry Y/N, I didn’t mean to, I-“ You take in the frantic woman who sits opposite you.

“Garcia, it’s fine… seriously. It’s just a bump.” Spencer promptly returns to your side and sits in the chair beside you. In his outstretched hand is an icepack wrapped in a kitchen towel, which you gratefully accept.

Garcia’s phone startles you out of your silent reverie, as she receives a notification. Quickly she bustles away, obviously going to take care of it.

-

“Okay, we have an address for Doyle, can you guys hear me, okay?!” Garcia talks loudly down her office phone as Rossi, Spencer, and yourself stand beside her, reading the screens over her shoulder.

Garcia reems off the address as you stare off into space, JJ’s voices quickly pulling you back to reality.

“Morgan and I are headed there now, I’ve called Hotch. Spencer, Rossi, I need you both to go to Declan’s house. I know he went home from school early, but considering how dangerous this takedown is, we want him in FBI custody in case he gets away and flees with the child.”

The phone quickly hangs up after that.

Garcia Rossi and Spencer get up, quickly making their way to the door. Spencer, however, pauses turning towards you as you cluelessly follow him.

“We’re probably going to be here all night; you can stay if you want? If not, go home and get some rest.” You watch as Spencer bounces on the balls of his feet, he quickly gestures for you to walk with him.

“I’m tired but I think I will stay, maybe I can be useful?” Spencer smiles, nodding at you.

“Tell you what, go into Hotch’s office, there’s a pull-out sofa in there. Sleep for a few hours and I can wake you if anything interesting happens?” He quickly jogs towards the elevator, meeting Rossi inside.

“I’ll call Garcia and tell her to let you into the office.” You quickly nod, furrowing your brows as the elevator door shuts.

You turn towards the clattering of heels to your right.

“Spencer texted me, he said you needed to sleep and to help you with the pull-out bed in Hotch’s office?” You smile, nodding at Garcia.

You weren’t too happy with the concept of sleeping whilst everyone else was out risking their lives. However, as soon as Spencer had mentioned the word sleep you had felt a deep desire to curl up in a corner somewhere and doze. The academy had taken a lot out of you, and you were feeling the consequences.

Garcia however, acted like people sleeping in Hotch’s office was a regular thing and she very happily grabbed a blanket and pillows from the cupboard, handing them to you as she unlocked Hotch’s office, making a beeline for the sofa.

“This thing is so handy you know? If anyone’s ever tired on long cases where they have some free time, but not enough to go home, there’s fights over it. Every office in here has one actually.” You stifle a yawn, watching as Penelope quickly unfolds the sofa out into a decent sized double bed.

“Okay, that should be all good. I’ll leave you too it, you can close those blinds or leave them open if you feel more comfortable, and the light switch is just over there.

“Thanks Garcia.” You yawn for real this time, placing the pillows down on the bed and smiling as she waves at you through the window, before disappearing back into her office.

You relish in the silence as you dawdle around the office still holding one pillow in your left arm, hugging it tightly to your chest.

You close the blinds and flick the lights off, sighing as the room settles into darkness. You absolutely needed a nap, and you were glad you had taken the opportunity. It was nearing eight o’clock and after the day being so busy you just needed a reset.

So, you took your blanket and curled up on the sofa bed, hugging your pillow tightly to your chest as you dazed off into a deep slumber.

-

You stir in your sleep as the door to Hotch’s office opens, allowing the bustle of the BAU bullpen to overtake what was the peace-and-quiet of Hotch’s office.

As you open your eyes, you feel the confusion setting in. In your dazed state you couldn’t quite recognise the room you were in.

“Y/N? It’s Spencer, we are having a meeting and you should probably join us.” You sit up on your elbows to see Spencer standing at the end of the room. Nodding you unravelled yourself from the blanket and stood, swaying on your feet slightly.

“Did you sleep okay?”

“Mhmm. Wait. You said a meeting, you were just at Declan’s house, is everything okay?” You pause slightly in the doorway as Spencer walks out of the office. He gestures for you to follow him.

“Declan is gone, but JJ and Morgan have managed to arrest Doyle, he’s being brought into custody here and we are hoping he will be able to give us information on Declan.” You groan, rubbing your eyes with your palms.

“Not the kid…” Spencer nods, silently agreeing with you. Declan had gone through enough in his life, he didn’t need a kidnapping on top of that; no kid did.

“Oh, also, Hotch is back-“ You nod slightly, trying not to stress too much at this concept.

As you approached the roundtable room you could hear the chatter amongst the BAU members, and when they came into view you couldn’t help but smile.

“Dr. L/N, it’s good to have you here, I’m so sorry about all of this.” You smile at Agent Hotchner, shaking your head.

“Don’t worry about it.” The rest of the team offer you kind smiles as you settle in your chairs, ready to begin the meeting.

“Okay, so where’s Morgan?”

“He refused to leave Doyle’s side, so they will arrive together” JJ offers Hotch a slight smile as he nods.

“Okay, in the meantime I would like to talk to you Y/N.” You quickly rise from your chair, following him out of the room, waiting for him to close the door behind you.

“I’m so sorry about all of this, I really am. I know it’s not ideal for you at all.” You quickly attempt to reassure him.

“It’s fine Hotch, really. I want to be here.” He nods, giving you a slight smile.

“I also wanted to let you know in advance, JJ and I have called Emily back, and she will be here any minute. Just prepare yourself, I don’t know how the rest of the team are going to react.”

The sound of a door opening pulls you out of your thoughts and you turn to see JJ.

“I just got a message; Derek is here with Doyle. Emily is five minutes away, Declan tried to call her.”

Hotch simply nods, guiding you back into the roundtable room, and sending you back to your seat.

You chatter a bit with the team trying to catch up on the case.

“So is Doyle responsible for Declan’s disappearance?” You furrow your brows, trying to wrap your head around all this chaos.

“It’s the most likely possibility, yes.” You nod at Spencer’s answer.

The truth of the matter was cases involving children had always hit you the hardest, no child deserved the situation Declan had grown up in. He was the son of an international terrorist, and Emily Prentiss had faked his death in order to give him a better life. Perhaps she was the only one who showed him a glimpse of what caring for a child was like?

Soon enough Derek had joined you, looking incredibly frustrated.

“Doyle’s in the interrogation room, I had a crack at him.” Derek’s face morphs into one of impatience.

“He didn’t do it Hotch, he’s insisting we release him to let him find his son.”

“So, we need to find out if he has any enemies, right?”

“Well Richard Geracey is a known enemy of Doyle; he’s been in the States for a couple weeks. I caught an image of him on a surveillance camera at Declan’s house.” Garcia pipes up, quickly displaying an image on the screen.

“He’s a suspect. Derek, go talk to him.” He stands.

As Derek disappears out of the door an idea hits you.

“Geracey couldn’t have pulled this off all on his own, I mean, Garcia saw two people destroying the security camera.” You keep your eyes glued to JJ as you speak, trying to tell whether or not you were being a hinderance.

“Well statistically the people most likely to be involved in-“

You had barely noticed that Hotch had left the room until he had returned with Derek by his side, cutting off Reid and telling everyone to sit.

“Seven months ago, I made a decision that affected this team.” JJ quickly stands up as you begin to realise what’s happening.

You quickly glance around the room seeing curious looks on everyone’s faces. Uh oh, you didn’t want to be a part of this conversation. Teammates who think their colleague has been dead for 7 months, then find out she’s actually alive are bound to be mad about the whole thing.

“As you all know Emily had lost a lot of blood after her fight with Doyle. Both the doctors were able to stabilise her-”

You began to panic slightly, you were in a room with profilers, they were bound to realise you were tense, or uncomfortable, right?

“-and she was airlifted from Boston to Bethesda under a covert exfiltration.” As Hotch reems off the information you were already fully aware of you study the team, noticing the look of realisation on their faces.

“Her identity was strictly need-to-known, and she stayed there until she was well enough to travel. She was reassigned to Paris where she was given several identities, none of which we had access to for her security.”

The team remained silent as they gazed up towards Hotch and JJ. Their faces were a mixture of confusion, and what appeared to be anger.

“She’s alive?” Garcia’s voice was meek, and it broke your heart to see the tears forming in her eyes.

Hotch stays quiet at this, averting his gaze.

“But we buried her?”

The tension in the room was so thick you could cut it with a knife and all you could do was sit there, fidgeting anxiously in your chair.

“As I said, I take full responsibility for the decision. If anyone has any issues, they should be directed towards me.” You offer Hotch a small smile and a nod as his gaze lands on you.

“Any issues?! Yeah, I got issues!” The tone of Derek’s voice causes you to jump slightly, and you felt your cheeks heat up as Spencer’s eyes settled on you.

But they quickly turn to focus on the sound of footsteps entering the room. A dark-haired woman walks through the door. The woman you recognised as Emily Prentiss.

She was gorgeous, her striking hair contrasting against her skin. Her face was set in a solemn look as her eyes trailed over her former teammates.

But you are pulled out of your train of thought by Agent Hotchner, who bustles you up from your seat and walks you towards the door, closing it slightly behind him he offers you a slight smile.

“Y/N, you don’t have to mention your involvement, not if you don’t want to.” You nod at this.

“Are they going to be mad?”

“Probably, but it was a life-or-death situation and I need to stand by my decision.”

“Yes sir.”

“Listen, you’ve had a long day. How about you go back to my office and get some rest, we will be here awhile.” You shake your head quickly at this.

“No, no, sir I’m fine. I really want to stay and help.”

“We can wake you if we need you.” You give in to the idea of sleep, it was the early hours of the morning and you had been up at the crack of dawn the previous day.

“I- okay, fine. But -uhm- I was just wondering, have you looked into Declan’s mother? I mean I know Doyle is his father, but we have no idea who-“ You pause, watching as Hotch offers you a smile.

“We will certainly look into that Y/N, now get some rest.”

And for the second time that night, you curl up onto Hotch’s sofa bed, arms wrapped tightly around a pillow, but you didn’t sleep.

Your mind ran rampant with ideas, and conspiracies as to who could have taken Declan Doyle. You knew that Geracey had something to do with it, he was a known enemy of Doyle’s after some form of conflict in Belfast. But the team had no idea who Declan’s mother is, but it was likely there was some conflict between her and Doyle, considering she wasn’t with them anymore.

You felt so hopeless, you were lacking the means to gather information because Hotch had sent you to a bed at a time where sleep will not come. Out there somewhere was a little boy, being paraded around, likely as a second best to Doyle, since he was in federal custody. That child hadn’t asked to be involved in any of this, he was simply taken from school, from his home.

Gazing at your phone screen you realised half-an-hour had passed, and you were just about to get up out of the bed when there was a light tapping on your door; it was Penelope Garcia.

“Garcia?” You whisper as the silhouette wastes no time in entering the dark room, dragging the light in with her.

“I figured you wouldn’t be able to sleep and that considering the rest of the team are still brainstorming in here I could come in for some one-on -one time? You seem like you are a good idea bouncer-offer.” You chuckle at this, moving upright on the bed.

“Yeah sure, absolutely.”

“Okay so first I’m going to catch you up. Basically, Declan’s nanny took him home from school after he contracted food poisoning, so whoever is responsible for his kidnapping tainted food, and got to him on campus.”

“We have established that Geracey is in some sort of conspiracy with a woman, who posed as agents for the next shift at surveying Declan, they killed the nanny, and the actual agents and then took the child.”

“A woman?”

“Yes, so we got thinking about women who have had relations to Doyle, and of course Hotch had mentioned you talking about his mother. So, Emily managed to give us a compiled list and now we are trying to break Doyle, but it doesn’t seem to be working. They have been in there for the past fifteen minutes.” You nod slightly, turning to the door which swung open suddenly.

“Y/N?” You recognised the voice as Spencer’s, watching as he stepped into the room, taking not of Garcia.

“She told you everything?” You nod as Spencer gives you a tight-lipped smile.

Garcia seems to get some form of signal from him because she quickly makes an excuse to leave, bustling past Spencer and towards her ‘bat cave’.

“I know this is -uhm- a lot to ask, but we were wondering if you would interview Doyle?”

-

Story Masterlist - (1) - (2)

Authors Note: Wow! I hope you guys are enjoying this? I made reader's background quite specific as it made it easier to weave in bonding between her and that characters. I also love having fun with how lucky she is for all of this to happen to her?!?! I mean it's not 100% realistic (but then again, no Spencer Reid fanfic is?) but either way, go get it girl! <3

[leclerc-s]

(daphne's version)

series masterlist

february 11, 2021

liked by danielricciardo, alex_albon, nataliaruiz, and others

daphnejones i’m thrilled to tell you that my new version of fearless (daphne’s version) is done and will be with you soon. it has 26 songs including 6 never before released songs from the vault. love story (daphne’s version) will be out tonight.

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danielricciardo LET'S FUCKING GO!!!

georgerussell63 to quote the great kevin maggnussen, “suck my balls mate!”

↳ isabellaperez don’t be shy, tag him. scooterbraun how do you feel knowing daphne's releasing her versions and you'll stop earning money for her hard work?

alex_albon mr.perfectly fine, your time has come

↳ isabellaperez tag him...joejonas you're up first.

sebastianvettel glad you’re finally taking back your music daphne.

lewishamilton sebastian and i can be normal in our congratulations, unlike some people. so, congrats on taking this step daph!

freyavettel YOU BELONG WITH ME (TAYLOR'S VERSION) IS FINALLY GOING TO BE HERE!!! AHHHHH

mickschumacher i apologize for them. they're all drunk.

↳ charles_leclerc you are too micky

rickybobby3🔒 SUPER FUCKING PROUD OF YOU. I LOVE YOU!

liked by daphnejones

↳ user53 is this the boyfriend? his account is private

↳ user45 did you think he'd expose their relationship? they want privacy, let them have it.

↳ user53 maybe he shouldn't comment on a public instagram post?

↳ nataliaruiz maybe people should stop being so nosy and focus on daphne re-releasing her music? that’s the real accomplishment here.

june 18, 2021

liked by danielricciardo, maejones, charles_leclerc

daphnejones the next album that i’ll be releasing is my version of red, which will be out on november 19. this will be the first time you hear all 30 songs that were meant to go on red. and hey, one of them is even ten minutes long🧣

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danielricciardo FULLY PREPARED TO CRY MY FUCKING HEART OUT!!!!

isabellaperez COUNT YOUR FUCKING DAYS JAKEGYLLENHAAL

↳ arthurleclerc you gotta stop tagging them isa

↳ isabellaperez no.

maejones AND MAYBE WE GOT LOST IN TRANSLATION

↳ danielricciardo MAYBE I ASKED FOR TOO MUCH

↳ charles_leclerc BUT MAYBE THIS THINGS WAS A MASTERPIECE 'TIL YOU TORE IT ALL UP

↳ maxverstappen33 RUNNING SCARED, I WAS THERE

↳ pierregasly I REMEMBER IT ALL TOO WELL

↳ nataliaruiz AND YOU CALL ME UP AGAIN JUST TO BREAK ME LIKE A PROMISE

↳ rowantodd SO CASUALLY CRUEL IN THE NAME OF BEING HONEST

↳ carlossainz55 I'M A CRUMPLED UP PIECE OF PAPER LYING HERE

↳ penelopetrevino 'CAUSE I REMEMBER IT ALL, ALL, ALL TOO WELL

isabellaperez jakegyllenhaal, this one’s for you. but also the kennedy kid, we haven’t forgotten about him. he was a saint compared to you.

↳ georgerussell63 how can someone fuck up so bad that he gets a 10 minute song written about him?

↳ isabellaperez i don't know lets ask him 🎤 jakegyllenhaal what did you do?

user71 isabella is so unhinged, i bet that she’s drunk

↳ penelopetrevino she is. most of us are, but it feels like one of those nights we won’t be sleeping

user26 i can only imagine the pr mess this is going to create

rickybobby3🔒 so fucking proud of you sweetheart! can’t wait to drive around and scream this album with you. (i’ll be screaming and you’ll be singing)

liked by daphnejones

↳ user04 the mystery of ricky bobby continues. who is this man? is he daph’s boyfriend?

↳ user93 honestly, if he is love that for daph. he's seems like he's supportive of her and her career and if it's the same person, the they've been together since at least 2016, when daph let it slip that she was dating someone.

may 5, 2023

liked by danieljonesricciardo, maxverstappen1, isabellaperez and others

daphnejonesricciardo it fills me with such pride and joy to announce that my version of speak now will be out july 7 (just in time for july 9th, iykyk 😆) i first made speak now, completely self-written, between the ages of 18 and 20. the songs that came from this time in my life were marked by their brutal honesty, unfiltered diaristic confessions and wild wistfulness. i love this album because it tells a tale of growing up, flailing, flying and crashing… and living to speak about it. with six extra songs I’ve sprung loose from the vault, i absolutely cannot wait to celebrate speak now (daphne’s version) with you on july 7th.

view all comments

danieljonesricciardo I FUCKING LOVE YOU!

↳ danieljonesricciardo I'M SO PROUD OF YOU! AHH!!!!

↳ danieljonesricciardo THAT'S MY FUCKING WIFE PEOPLE!!!

danieljonesricciardo YOU ARE AN EXPERT AT SORRY

↳ baileywinters AND KEEPING LINES BLURRY

↳ nataliaruiz NEVER IMPRESSED BY ME ACING YOUR TESTS

↳ charles_leclerc ALL THE GIRLS THAT YOU'VE RUN DRY HAVE TIRED LIFELESS EYES

↳ landonorris 'CAUSE YOU BURNED THEM OUT

↳ freyavettel BUT I TOOK YOUR MATCHES BEFORE FIRE COULD CATCH ME

↳ pierregasly SO DON'T LOOK NOW

↳ yukitsunoda I'M SHINING LIKE FIREWORKS OVER YOUR SAD EMPTY TOOOWWWWNNN

↳ isabellaperez does this seem like cheap writting johnmayer??? (message approved by max verstappen)

user29 mother said we had to be nice but her own friends are calling j*hn out? does that mean we're allowed too?

↳ daphnejonesricciardo nothing i said would've gotten them to stop. i think the same can be said for my fans.

↳ user29 digging my grave rn

georgerussell63 count your days j*hn

lewishamilton do any of you have any idea about what kind of pr mess you're about to create?

↳ isabellaperez what is fia going to do to me? give me a grid penalty?

↳ oscarpiastri i'm adding your name to my long list of traitors lewis

↳ maxverstappen1 you know damn well the original group chat name was daphne jones defense squad

↳ user13 that's iconic

alex_albon SHE WAS NINETEEN WHEN SHE DANCED WITH THE DEVIL! I'M COMING FOR YOU JOHN!!

↳ lilymhe do you ever think about the consequences off your actions alexander?

↳ alex_albon when it comes to defending daphne, no.

mickschumacher i feel like it's my job to inform everyone that they are all extremely drunk except for daph, lily, and lewis. i am bordering on drunk and sober.

↳ user19 love that they all always end up drunk when one of the girls announces a new album

↳ logansargeant it's called celebrating achievements

↳ zoyatorres no, it's called using any small excuse to drink

user30 everytime she releases an album these guys come for her exes throats, and i just know she scolds them but they just don't give a fuck

↳ baileywinters she does but we must protect mother.

↳ isabellaperez father also agrees with bullying. one parent's consent is enough for us.

user89 daniel lurking and being the supportive husband we know he is

user12 dan's so in love with her he might stop breathing

↳ danieljonesricciardo OF COURSE I AM! HAVE YOU SEEN HER! I FUCKING LOVE HER! THAT’S MY FUCKING WIFE PEOPLE!

august 9, 2023

liked by danieljonesricciardo, lewishamilton, baileywinters and others

daphnejonesricciardo surprise!! 1989 (daphne’s version) is on its way to you 🔜! the 1989 album changed my life in countless ways, and it fills me with such excitement to announce that my version of it will be out october 27th. to be perfectly honest, this is my most FAVORITE re-record i've ever done because the 5 from the vault tracks are so insane. i can’t believe they were ever left behind. but not for long!

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danieljonesricciardo I’VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS ONE! THAT’S MY FUCKING WIFE!!!! I LOVE YOU!!!!

↳ daphnejonesricciardo love you too, you kangaroo

↳ danieljonesricciardo I AM A HONEY BADGER!!!

baileywinters GIVE IT UP FOR DAPHNE JONES DOING THE UNTHINKABLE AND BREAKING RECORDS LEFT AND RIGHT!!!

maxverstappen1 probably our favorite re-record you’ve done because it was after this one you and mae came into our lives.

↳ user87 stop that’s literally the sweetest thing max could ever say

↳ user91 max is such a sweet brother-in-law (they’re not married yet people!!) my brother-in-law usually tells me i’m an annoying fatass

↳ maxverstappen1 throw him away

carlossainz55 THIS ONE IS INSANE!

penelopetrevino DIDN’T THEY TELL US “DON’T RUSH INTO THING?”

↳ maejones DIDN’T YOU FLASH YOUR GREEN EYES AT ME?

↳ isabellaperez DIDN’T YOU CALM MY FEARS WITH A CHESHIRE CAT SMILE?

↳ zoyatorres OOH, DIDN’T IT ALL SEEM NEW AND EXCITING?

↳ dulceperez I FELT YOUR ARMS TWISTIN’ AROUND ME

↳ freyavettel IT’S ALL FUN AND GAMES ‘TIL SOMEBODY LOSES THEIR MIND

↳ nataliaruiz BUT DARLING

↳ charles_leclerc WE FOUND WONDERLAND, YOU AND I GOT LOST IN IT

↳ arthur_leclerc AND WE PRETENDED IT COULD LAST FOREVER (EH, EH)

↳ oscarpiastri WE FOUND WONDERLAND, YOU AND I GOT LOST IN IT

↳ danieljonesricciardo AND LIFE WAS NEVER WORSE BUT NEVER BETTER (EH, EH)

logansargeant the vault tracks on this are 🔛🔝

user56 THERE IS NOT A DOUBT IN MY MIND THAT THE PADDOCK FAMILY ARE THE FIRST ONES TO HERE EVERY NEW ALBUM AND SONG

↳ aussiegrit they are. oscar’s been singing a vault track for over 2 months.

↳ fernandoalo_oficial you were present for the listening party because daniel insisted you be there. jensen and seb were there too.

↳ user82 there was a dilf reunion and we missed it? where was kimi?

↳ landonorris he “couldn’t” make it.

↳ nicorosberg i guess my invite got lost in the mail or something

↳ isabellaperez no, we just haven’t forgotten brocedes and the silver war.

↳ dulceperez we picked uncle lewis over you

lewishamilton this one is amazing daphne

↳ daphnejricciardo thanks lewis!

user03 everyday i think this friend group can’t get more unhinged and they prove me wrong time and time again.

↳ landonorris we live to disappoint expectations of us

¡leclerc-s speaks! in honor of 1989 (taylor's version) i give you this. i genuinely don't what this is but i knew i wanted to do something for oct 27th and this is the result of that. have y'all heard 1989 (taylor's version) and if so what's your favorite vault track, personally is it over now? has been on repeat all day.

¡disclaimer! this is in no way making assumptions about the people involved in this story, this is all fake. it is a fanfiction please don't take any of what is said seriously. this is all for entertainment purposes and as a creative outlet for me. enjoy!

[swallowtailed]

palisade 62 / finalisade side b track 6

on palisade!

one thing about fatt, they can stick a landing. more specifically austin and jack by their powers combined can stick a fucking landing. tbh let me talk about the outro first, actually:

stunning final track. loved hearing it morph from the palisade theme into other tunes.

a joy to hear from parti one last time!! probably my favorite npc of this season.

and to lift back out into the frame of perfect imperfect as hosted by layer luxurious (broadcasting from the planet of palisade, which is a lovely touch)—it’s my audio drama past coming out, but i do so love a diegetic radio show. we were promised that we would hear the end of the perfect millennium! and we did! satisfying.

i wasn’t sold on the plot of this sortie, but janine brought it home—has been bringing it home all arc. her work in this finale has been really, really cool. super solid science fiction. going from questlandia back into armor astir felt like an odd zigzag—much like dipping into and back out of the mirage—but the thread of blossoming sentiences was very strong.

(would like to take time to dig into the thematic structure of this season, now that it's over, but for now i am just pointing at it)

god, just knowing that brnine survived, and continued the fight… that's a win. closing on them bantering with thisbe was, i agree, the perfect final image.

brnine’s gravity clock changing to “thisbe is an important part of my life”... thisbe saying they’re a good captain and asking to watch a movie, and brnine immediately teasing her… they’re friends ;-;

also—season about grief—it was jokes, but thisbe saying “i was stating a fact, i wasn’t mourning” and brnine replying “sounded like mourning to me”, and ending palisade on that exchange… a good note of closure on that theme, i felt.

there’s been a lot of excellent character work this season—brnine, thisbe, cori, figure, jesset, and august all stand out to me. i’m trying not to make this post too long but man. genuinely incredible stuff.

perennial blooming again with thisbe’s gift of the pollen was really lovely. as was all the imagery in that scene

thisbe throwing sixes to speak with perennial was so Dice Game. one last little bit of serendipity for the road.

also thisbe being integrated with various different ways of being is very “it’s not a field it’s a garden” to me

i am looking forward to seeing how they treat this new phase of the divine cycle, because a transformation like that of the divine arbor would be devastating to a lot of lifeways & ecologies. it is far from the only time this has happened in the divine cycle! but it’s a great chance to concretize that. kudzu and other invasive species were raised in a previous ep; i’m also reminded of area x from jeff vandermeer’s annihilation. what i would like to see: a focus on new social forms, cf scavengers reign. fatt typically does not dig into ecologies, land relationships, etc, but perhaps they will look more in that direction in the divine arbor’s new world? who knows. either way i’m gonna be sitting here talking about ecological readings because unfortunately i do think it’s important and relevant lmao. (while i’m talking on the season scale, this is something i really want to see in sangfielle as well. which is a setting that even more deserves some time spent on the land.)

cori’s scene with elle was great. her storyline this season has been so fun—losing none of the bravado, but coming more into herself. i thought she was gonna give elle some of her blood but a ritual knife is probably a better gift.

can’t wait to see where they’re at next divine cycle season!!

“if only you could get five more minutes” made me laugh

glad that levi made it out! starcrossed is a wild name for a team led by a guy who kicked off his career by defeating the fear of death—kinda thumbing his nose at fate—but it seems like he’s pulling it off so far.

can local plant-based organizing be a viable alternative to galactic capitalism? i sure fuckin hope so!!

leap vanishing with present would have been extremely space opera

perennial blue ribbon…

i did overall really enjoy this season. i think it’s their best yet, for character work and executing on big ideas. a sharper take on twilight mirage. it’s dense but it has momentum. they really do get better every season imo... like my season ranking does kinda just go directly up in chronological order

god. palisade.

stay tuned~

(also, while we’re here, thanks for reading! this is something like the sixtieth of these weekly palisade ep posts, which is wild. it’s been a weird year and a half, personally—a lot of time in motion—but tuning into palisade every week and then thinking and discussing together has been really fun. so shoutouts!)

[hyperfixationsporfavor]

A Quarter-life Crisis

Synopsis: Higuruma takes some time to think with the aide of his ex-wife.

Author's note: Hey guys! I shared a bit of this fic awhile ago so here is the completed version. Feedback is always welcomed. Enjoy!

Warnings: brief reference to suicidal imagery, mental health struggles, divorce

Original Post

Hiromi had never thought of himself as a defender of justice, moreso a man with the inability to leave things alone, the need to pursue the truth. 

This persistence had finally managed to work against him

When the judge announced a guilty verdict for his client, he made eye contact with Hiromi, giving him the withering stare of betrayal. It burrowed into his gut, stabbing him and taking him out of himself for a moment. All of a sudden everything faded into the background as his body took control, a swelling feeling pounding in his chest. He got up from his seat and stalked over to the bench. With a shaky hand he grasped the gavel and lifted it over his head.

Bang. 

Then he lifted it again.

BANG.

Then again.

BANG. BANG. BANG.

Everyone stared in startled confusion, unsure of what he was doing. 

Shimizu, his associate, rushed over to where he stood with a worried look on her face.

“Mr. Higuruma?” she asked.

But he wasn’t there. He was long gone.

“Everyone come back. We’re having a retrial.”

The older judge furrowed his brow in annoyance. 

“Is this some kind of joke?”

“You're a joke,” he retorted.

The judge’s face turned red in anger.

“Mr. Higuruma. If you don’t collect yourself I’ll hold you in contempt.”

Hiromi gripped the gavel in his hand so hard his knuckles turned white. 

Without a warning he hurled the gavel at the window, shattering it in one fell swoop.

~

“Listen Higuruma, it’s nothing personal. We just need you to take a few days so we can clear the air.”

“I want a return date,” he insisted.

“I’m afraid I can’t give you that. Get your things. Go home. Rest. We’ll be in touch.”

~

Hiromi was on vacation. 

At least, that was his office's official statement. 

In actuality, he was waiting to see if he still had a job after his small incident in court. 

Small being the understatement of the century. 

Hiromi had been wallowing, mostly sleeping. The only light in his small apartment was from the television, replaying the same three movies over and over again. 

His phone buzzed on the coffee table and he reached out to grab it, squinting to read the name. 

(Name).

~

He arrived at your apartment at around eight. 

When you opened the door a sense of relief washed over him, something he hadn’t felt since his ‘break’ started.

“Hey stranger,” you warmly greeted. 

He couldn’t help but smile. “Hey.”

~

“I knew the second we got divorced your life would take a nosedive,” you prodded.

“And I knew your life would get infinitely better,” Higuruma retorted. 

You led him to the couch and made your way over to the liquor cabinet to fix him something. 

“Whiskey?” you asked.

“Please.”

You poured some for him and yourself, pressing the glass into his hand and joining him.

He took a moment to observe your apartment. Spacious and decorated with luxurious furniture. It made his place look like a broom closet. 

“So should we drink until we forget why you're here or would you rather talk?” you asked.

Hiromi looked down at his whiskey glass. “It’s been about two weeks since I’ve actually spoken to another human being so I’m not sure how great of a conversationalist I’d be.”

You set your whiskey glass down on the coffee table and crossed your arms, wrinkling your silk pajamas and matching robe. 

“We really don’t need to talk Hiromi, I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”

How did you see him? How did everyone else see him? Some nutcase that had thrown his career away, holed up in his apartment, sprawled out in a bathtub with his wrists slit, still in the suit?

God how morbid. 

But the situation he found himself in had caused his mind to go to some dark places.

“I appreciate it (Name). Really. How did you find out?”

“Everyone’s talking about it.”

Of course. 

The legal world was abuzz with the news of an exemplary public defender who took a stand in the courtroom. At least, that’s what one of the headlines read. 

“Of course. That was a stupid question.”

“I couldn’t believe it. What on earth possessed you?”

Hiromi knocked back his whiskey and set the empty glass on the table next to yours. 

“I honestly have no idea. It was like…losing control of myself for a second.”

“Any word from the court yet?”

He shook his head. “It’s been almost two weeks. I just wish they’d get it over with already.”

“You really think they’ll take away your license?”

“Well I insulted a judge, damaged federal property, do you have any vodka?”

“I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be. I should have just accepted it and moved on.

You smirked. “You know you’ve never been able to move on from an unsolved problem.”

“I got a divorce didn’t I?”

You chuckled. “Well you could always do improv comedy.”

Your phone buzzed and you retrieved it to see who it was. 

“It’s the office. Do you mind?” you asked.

He shook his head. “Go ahead.”

“Hey Kento.”

You got up and headed into the kitchen to continue the conversation. 

While you chatted, Hiromi's attention was caught by an old photo of you on the mantle over the fireplace. He recognized it instantly, having taken the picture himself. It was from your second date where the two of you had gone to the beach. He remembered chasing you into the surf, nearly stepping on a washed up jellyfish. The photo was of you looking back at him, a smile frozen on your face.

 All of a sudden he felt a little uncomfortable being here. The two of you had a past, you had been married, then divorced. Was it even possible for you to be friends after that?

You interrupted his train of thought, reentering the room.

“Sorry about that. We're negotiating this contract and the client’s convinced that if we're not working around the clock the deal will fall through.”

He stood up. 

“Then maybe I should go.”

You shook your head. “Don’t be silly.”

“No (Name). I mean…I don’t think this is appropriate.”

You furrowed your brow in confusion. “What isn’t appropriate?”

“This. Us. Shit. This isn’t weird for you? Us hanging out.”

“No,” you simply answered. “Is it weird for you?”

No. It had been as easy as reciting the alphabet. But it scared him, and he didn’t want to drag you back into his increasingly fucked up world. Not when you were doing so well. 

“No,” he uncertainly answered. “It’s normal.”

“And being normal with me is a readjustment?” you concluded.

He sighed in defeat. 

You took a step towards him. “Hiromi. I understand that our relationship is different from what it used to be. But I’m always here for you if you need someone to talk to.”

“But you don’t have to be, is what I’m trying to say.”

“I want to be,” you assured him.

And just like that he was readjusted. 

~

After Hiromi had calmed down you ordered Chinese takeout and put on The Graduate.

“I thought you said this movie is pretentious.”

“It is but it’s easy to enjoy when you're not watching it with a pretentious person,” you retorted. 

“Just for that I’m taking the last soup dumpling.”

~

The movie wrapped up with Benjamin and Elaine running away together. Joyously laughing as the bus drove off, only to slowly realize the massive mistake they had made. 

As Simon and Garfunkel played them off Hiromi asked a question. 

“Why didn’t it work out?”

“They were young and stupid,” you concluded.

“No, us,” he clarified.

You stabbed the fried rice with your chopstick. “For the exact same reason. We were still in school, convinced we’d make a difference, too naive to think out the long term.”

“And this is it?” he asked.

You sighed. “I’m afraid so.”

You set the takeout box on the coffee table next to your empty scotch glasses and faced your ex husband. 

“Do you think if we had met later in life, things would be different?”

“I’m not sure,” he truthfully answered. “We always wanted different things so maybe not.”

He cleared his throat, not sure if he should continue. “But even if it didn’t work out. I still don’t regret being with you.”

You gave him a soft smile. “Neither do I.”

He leaned back against the couch and looked up at the ceiling. “(Name). I have no idea what I’m going to do. Even if they let me keep practicing I can’t keep going like this.”

It was draining him. At this rate he wouldn’t even make it to forty.

“Maybe, a change of environment?” you suggested.

He lifted his head to look at you. “My firm has a pretty big dedication to pro bono work. You could still do what you're doing on the side with more funds and a lighter workload.”

Working in private corporate law? It was almost impossible to imagine himself with a secretary and expensive lunch meetings. 

Before he could respond you spoke again. “I know how you feel about private interests and you will have to see those types of things up close. But promise me you’ll think about it.”

After a moment an earth shattering realization hit him.

Damn. He was falling for you again. And he wasn’t sure what to do about it.

For the first time in his life he wasn’t sure about anything.

“Yes, I’ll definitely think about it.”

~

Hiromi got home at around two in the morning. 

You had offered to let him stay in your guest bedroom but he had politely declined, afraid of what the two of you under one roof could lead to. 

He was about to collapse into bed when his phone rang. 

“Hello?” he answered.

“Hiromi?” Shimizu answered on the other end. “Thank goodness you're awake.” 

“Yeah,” he replied. “What can I do for you?”

“I was working late at the office when I got the fax. Some interns messed up so it came in later than it should have.” 

“What?”

“You’ll have to meet with hr but your back. They’re letting you keep your license.”

“...Really?”

“Your record worked in your favor. And who else would work as hard as you do for such crappy pay?”

Shimizu didn’t get a response back.

“Hiromi?”

“That’s great. Really…but I need some time to think.”

“About what?”

“What’s best for me.”

Your smile came back to him.

He had a lot to figure out. 

It was a little late in life for him to be thinking about new jobs and new relationships. Maybe he was being rash. But he didn’t care. 

Better late than never.

~

The End.

Taglist: @lynn-edits

[bookiezzz]

a/n: i accidentally posted this before finished so i screenshotted this ask! this is super cute, and i apologize for the long wait!!!

DJ with Reader meeting his Mama Headcannons

— You and DJ have been dating for a while, and you are both in love, things have been going very well and you’re both super happy together!

— DJ had always wanted his partner to be approved of by his mama, it was basically his one make or break in a relationship

— and DJ makes it known how much he loves his mother and holds her and her opinions in the highest respect, consideration and love

— so you are a bit nervous about it, but you put your worries to the side!

— Until one day, DJ is talking to you and just subtly asks, “Would you like to join my mama and I for dinner sometime?”

— And you can’t say no! You don’t really want to, either. It’s just nervewracking, meeting your partners parents..

— So you two plan for this and DJ hugs you, so so excited and happy <33

— the day arrives, and you put on a nice outfit and walk out to meet DJ.

— There are butterflies in your stomach, but DJ holds your hand and tells you that she’ll love you, and you’ll love her, and it’ll be so great, so you believe him!

— You walk to the door and met with a “COME IN!” from inside of the house

— DJ opens the door and you follow, stepping onto the “Welcome” doormat into a beautiful, cozy house, and an OUTSTANDING smell of a dinner being cooked, soup, assorted meats, and salad on the table.

— Your boyfriend beams with excitement as he rushes to hug his mom, who hugs him back, tightly… when she locks eyes with you.

— You freeze and Mama starts towards you, extending her hand to shake and putting a hand on your shoulder. “Hello, welcome,” she says, seeming a bit on-edge.

— You smile back and say hello back, and how lovely it is to meet her, which seems to put her at ease, smiling back at you. DJ, meanwhile, looks like he’s about to cry happy tears already.

— DJ and you sit down at the table, soon after met with food and Mama following! You all start piling food onto your plates

— After you finish putting food onto your plate, DJ’s mom asks you, “So.. what do you do?” she asks quietly, “For.. fun.”

— You answer, telling a bit about some of your hobbies, and telling her about how much DJ talks of her.

— His mama answers and says he does the same of you! To which he kisses you on the cheek, smiling.

— She tries to talk to you about ethical things, probably some about education or career ideas, or even just morals, and how you treat her son, as she’s very protective of him.

— You answer all, thoughtfully and mindful, until the conversation switches into just idle chatter, which DJ chimes into, a genuinely enjoyable conversation that seems to satisfy everyone present!

— After a night of this, you gush about the amazing food and hug his mama, thanking her. She hugs back, seeming satisfied, approving of you, and who her son had picked to date and be with.

— She hugs and kisses DJ goodbye, and you walk out to his car, waving goodbye!

— when in the car, he asks.. “So…? I think that went well..!” smiling very obviously, met with a smile back by you. “It did,” you grin.

[missywritesfor7]

❤️‍🩹Lifeline | MYG❤️‍🩹

Synopsis: It’s long been controversial for idols to date, but idols dating each other can be really beautiful or a complete nightmare. When Yoongi's relationship with another idol is discovered, he decides maybe it’s time to break the taboo and show people it’s ok for idols to date. Instead, they find themselves caught in the midst of one media frenzy after another and struggle to keep their relationship as strong as it had been the past 2 years. Yoongi finds a self destructive way to cope, and it causes even more problems than it solves. As they fight for their relationship and their careers, they discover that sometimes, the only way to truly be free is to let go.

Pairing: idol!Yoongi x idol!OC

Warnings: nsfw, alcoholism, cheating, depression, anxiety, Yoongi goes through a bisexy ho phase, Yoongi is also in his alcoholic phase, post-military BTS

Previous chapter | Next chapter | Masterlist

Ch. 29: 00:00

Hyeri returns to Haeun’s place later Christmas night to see Haeun still hasn’t returned from spending the holiday with family. Hyeri goes into the guest room where she’s been staying during her time here and grabs a few of her things to take into the bathroom so she can wash up. The bathroom is just down the hall so her weak legs carry her to the shower where she stands motionless under the water once it’s reached the perfect temperature. Then she cries.

She never imagined this day would go the way it has. She expected Yoongi to cook her a meal and give her great gifts. She expected him to apologize to her every chance he got. She didn’t expect him to perform a song he had written for her. She didn’t expect any of the emotions that came surging out as he sang to her. There was no way she could say no to giving him another chance. She let everything out to him and she feels free now that she has. Yet for some reason she couldn’t bring herself to agree to return home.

Yoongi pleaded for her to stay, but something held her back. She told him she would give him another chance and that she really wanted to make things work, but something felt like going back home now would be taking too big of a step much too fast. Maybe it’s because these few weeks have given her a chance to not be distracted. She’s been able to focus more on shooting her series and less on what’s happening with Yoongi and who’s waiting outside their home with a camera. Though it’s not perfect, she can’t deny the degree of weight that had been lifted when she didn’t find herself dreading going home. She would get to Haeun’s place, shower, then get a decent sleep without laying awake for hours thinking of how she can’t trust the person she’s laying next to. She feels better rested when she gets to set and needs less coffee and makeup to mask her constant fatigue. This isn’t just for her relationship with Yoongi, she’s doing this for her series that she’s putting her everything into. For her career. For their future.

When Haeun returned home, Hyeri told her about everything Yoongi did for her including his emotional performance. “Hyeri-ya!” Haeun shouts after Hyeri said she agreed to give Yoongi another chance. “What the hell are you doing here then??” If things went well she can’t understand why Hyeri isn’t home with Yoongi instead of sitting on her couch with a glass of wine.

“I’m giving him another chance, but I told him I’m not going home yet,” Hyeri explains.

“Why? After all of that you still had the strength to get up and leave?”

“I’m not ready, unnie,” Hyeri pouts. “I just want things to be simple the way they were when we first started dating. You know how stressed I get about work, I don’t want to be stressed about my relationship on top of that. That day I left and the media saw me leaving made it so hard for me to focus the rest of the day. I don’t want to deal with that, especially if there are more things that come out about him. More…people.”

Haeun understands what Hyeri is saying, though she would have advised that Hyeri return home since it would be hard for them to see each other with their schedules. Hyeri knows it will be challenging, but they’ve navigated busy schedules when they first started dating and made it through. She just wants to go back to that for a while, when it was so simple.

The next day she spoke to Yoongi and he asked her to come home again. She explained to him her reasoning the way she explained it to Haeun. Yoongi understands and let Hyeri know he doesn’t want to do anything to make her feel forced or pressured. He still longs for her day and night though.

So they start slow. Texting between their busy schedules and a phone call before bed. Both of them preparing for their respective New Years festivities they’ve been slotted to attend, then Yoongi texting Hyeri goodnight after she fell asleep on the phone. Hyeri getting an unexpected free hour during the day and wanting to talk to Yoongi but that was the same hour he decided to take a nap in his studio therefore missing her call. By New Year’s Eve they’re relying on shared calendar updates and fan sightings to keep up with one another.

Hyeri is hosting a New Year’s Eve broadcast for one of Korea’s national TV stations, while Yoongi and the guys are performing at a New Year’s festival shortly before midnight to bring in the new year. Neither of them have been able to talk much since a few texts they managed to send to one another earlier in the day. The rest of the day has been a whirlwind of rehearsals, hair and makeup, socializing, then finally showtime.

The broadcast Hyeri is hosting is only set to last only half an hour after the final countdown of the year. With their performance leading right into the countdown, Yoongi hardly has time to catch his breath before the crowd is cheering and they’ve all crossed over into a new year. All 7 of the guys cheer and hug with an unspoken feeling of relief that somehow they managed to survive this tumultuous year. Everyone is healthy now and that’s all they could ask for.

As soon as Yoongi is able to steal a quick second, he immediately pulls his phone out to get a glimpse of Hyeri’s broadcast, even if for just a short minute. She’s wearing a sparkling blue knee length dress and a tiny silver top hat that matches the green one her co-host is wearing. She’s also wearing the beautifully shiny teardrop necklace Yoongi gave her. Seeing her wearing it while smiling at the camera makes his face light up with joy.

Just as quickly he was able to pull up the stream, he’s having to turn it off as he and the guys are pulled in another direction. Lots of cheers and interviews coming from all around until the party finally starts to wind down. The guys were invited to a private New Year’s after party being hosted by a producer and close friend of theirs. Lots of industry figures are set to be there, most of which are attending as a way to celebrate comfortably and privately without cameras around. The guys decide to go since it’s their friend and so they can relax for once before calling it a night and going home.

The atmosphere at the party is buzzing with electricity. It’s like a club with everyone dancing, chatting, and having drinks all around. The guys stick together for the most part making sure someone is at least near Yoongi at all times. They don’t want to police him, but they want to make sure they’re nearby for support. Yoongi appreciates it greatly. This is the first party he’s been to since he’s been clean, plus it’s New Year’s so drinks are flowing all around him, the added support is relieving.

Things start off great with all 7 of them socializing. While the rest of the guys have their pick at alcoholic drinks, Hobi decided to stay sober with Yoongi for the night. While everyone is having specially made cocktails, Hobi brings back alcohol free mocktails for them to sip on. It saves Yoongi from people unknowingly offering him a drink. Outside of the 7 of them, no one has any idea about Yoongi’s struggle with alcohol. This helps keep it that way.

Unfortunately, after his third mocktail Yoongi is starting to weaken. Looking at everyone around him enjoying the night with a good buzz is stirring up a little jealousy in him. He still has Hoseok next to him, but now his sober presence has lost its effectiveness. It’s New Year’s, why can’t he have one drink to celebrate?

As soon as the intrusive thoughts begin to grow, Yoongi whispers to Hobi that he’s starting to have a hard time. Hobi takes him to a back corner of the room and grabs a cup of water for him. Yoongi sips the water and takes a moment to breathe.

“I don’t think I can stay,” Yoongi says. “It’s starting to be too much.”

“It’s ok, hyung,” Hobi replies. He’s thankful that Yoongi is being honest about this and would much rather him head home than try to fight the urge silently. “If you’ve reached your limit it’s ok. You did good today.” Hobi’s smile shines brighter than the strobe lights blinking across the room.

“Thanks, Hoba,” Yoongi says forcing a smile. He appreciates the good job, but he feels like he’s not fully in the clear yet. He still has to make it out of the party, to his car, and home, without giving in to the whisper tickling the back of his neck that’s telling him it would be fine if he just has one drink to celebrate.

Yoongi stands and maps his route to the door in his mind. He tries to move quickly but it’s not easy with the place packed with so many people. After every step he’s having to swerve and dodge around people like he’s in a video game. When he finally makes it out the door he quickly walks across the parking lot towards his car. The faster he can get out of there and get home, the better.

“Yoongi!”

The voice behind him startles him and nearly sends him into shock until he turns around and sees Hyeri running between the parked cars to get to him.

“Hyeri?” He says catching her as she jumps into his arms. He isn’t sure why she’s suddenly running to him like this, but he’s not complaining. Her timing is perfect and warmth is calming.

Once Hyeri’s event ended she learned of this after party being held and decided to stop by after she learned that the guys would possibly be there. Yoongi would possibly be there. When she arrived she immediately saw Hobi who told her Yoongi had just left. Hoping she wasn’t too late, she ran back outside where she saw him across the few rows of cars. Running and jumping into his arms the way she did wasn’t planned but she felt something take over her legs and she couldn’t stop.

“I’m glad I caught you,” she says breathing a sigh of relief. “Hobi told me you had just left so I thought I was too late.”

“No,” he smiles giving her a light squeeze. “You’re right on time. Did you come here looking for me?”

“Well,” she looks up at him with a soft smile. “I wanted to make sure my first kiss of the year was with you, not on set with In-woo.” She lifts herself on her toes and links her lips with his.

How does this feel so brand new to him? They’ve kissed many times, but for some reason today means the most to him. No amount of fireworks can compare to the sparks lighting up between them. He thought he was about to crumble, but he once again finds safety in her impeccable timing. He wants to take advantage of this moment together.

“Do you have a little time?” He asks. “We don’t have to go anywhere or anything, we can just sit in my car and talk if you want.”

“Yeah,” she smiles. “I have time.”

Hyeri follows Yoongi to his car where they both instinctively get in the backseat. This isn’t the first time they’ve taken refuge in a car just for a moment alone, but it definitely takes them back to the early days of their relationship. There’s a nostalgia to the way they cuddle close to each other while remaining vigilant for anyone who may walk by and see them.

“I miss you,” Yoongi smiles with relief. “You have no idea how much I needed you right now.”

“You look like you need some sleep,” she says noticing the way he looks exhausted and distressed.

“I was having a hard time in there,” he admits. “I was fine at first, but then I don’t know what happened it just felt like the walls were suddenly closing in so I left.”

“You made the right choice,” she smiles. “I’m proud of you.”

“Thanks, babe.” He pulls her closer into his body feeling a sense of accomplishment from hearing her praise. “You look so beautiful.”

“Thanks,” she blushes. Even after 3 and a half years together she still gets shy whenever he compliments her.

“I guess you weren’t kidding when you said you wanted to start over from when we first started dating,” he jokes. “When did you get so shy around me?” He strokes her chin pulling an even bigger sheepish smile from her.

“I’m not,” she giggles.

“Really?” He giggles playfully mocking her and making her laugh.

“Hush.” She playfully pushes him then immediately leans back into his chest.

“If you say so,” he smiles kissing her forehead. Then he lifts her chin and kisses her lips. He feels like he’s being overcome by a strong current of pure comfort. Coming from what became a stressful challenge for him inside, this comfort feels ten times stronger in this moment.

Hyeri loves the feeling. The butterflies that flutter wildly within her gives her a rush she hasn’t felt in so long. She doesn’t want to get out of his car anytime soon, but it’s already nearly 3 am. Still, she stays attached to his lips with her arms clutching around his torso hoping time will be kind, but it’s not and Yoongi is aware of this too. Perhaps more than she does, he wants nothing more than to stay attached to her, especially after the mild panic he was experiencing right before she came running towards him.

“Hyeri,” he whispers almost freezing at the sight of her looking much too good to let go. “Come home with me.”

“Yoongi,” she starts. “You know-“

“I know,” he interrupts. “I’m not asking you to stay if you’re not ready, but just for tonight? Will you stay the night with me?”

“Just the night?”

“If you want,” he nods.

Hyeri feels so stupid suddenly. She thought Yoongi would beg and plead the way he did on Christmas, but ever since she explained her feelings and reasoning why she didn’t want to go home yet, he hasn’t tried to press her. Her initial thought was that he was asking her to come home to stay, but she should have known better than to think he would try pressuring her. She feels stupid for even doing this in the first place, of course she wants to stay the night with him. She wants to spend every night with him.

“Ok,” she smiles and nods. “Just for the night.”

Yoongi’s face lights up and he gives her another kiss. They both jump out of the car with Yoongi getting in the driver’s seat and Hyeri heading towards her car. The entire way home Yoongi can’t stop smiling. He’s filled with so much excitement to have Hyeri come home even if it’s just for one night. He made it through the night without having a drink and he’s getting to spend a little time with Hyeri, he couldn’t be happier right now.

When they arrive, Hyeri immediately goes to the bathroom to undress and get ready for bed. Out of pure habit she tosses her dress aside, throws on one of Yoongi’s t-shirts, and returns to him waiting for her in bed. They’ve both had a long and tiring day, so without saying much they cuddle close, kiss goodnight, then drift off to sleep under the blanket of each other’s arms.

When Yoongi wakes up the next day, Hyeri is still sleeping soundly next to him. All he can do is lay there a while and smile at a sight he’s missed for weeks. He isn’t sure if she’s missed him the way he’s missed her, but he hopes she stays home for good after this. It’s been quiet and lonely at home and seeing her things still there made him long for her more. He hasn’t felt so refreshed in the morning since she left, although right now it’s more like early afternoon. Regardless, he knows she loves waking up to a good meal, so he reluctantly slides out of bed to go to the kitchen and make brunch.

Things have been busy lately so Yoongi hasn’t done much cooking, but thankfully he always has some pork belly, eggs, and veggies on hand. He cooks everything up nicely just the way Hyeri likes, and as usual it summons her out of her sleep and into the kitchen.

“Morning,” she says shuffling up to him to see what he’s making.

“Afternoon,” he smiles. “How’d you sleep?”

“Good,” she smiles back. She’s not going to say how she hasn’t slept so good in a long time, but she’s certainly having a hard time convincing herself that she still needs a bit more time. “I think my body is starting to feel the effects of being on my feet all night though.”

“Sit,” he points to the chair. “Just relax.” He turns off the stove and plates his creation before placing it in front of her. He then grabs a couple of bottles of citrus tea out of the fridge and takes a seat next to her.

“Thanks,” she says taking a bite of pork belly.

The two indulge in a mostly quiet lunch, though it’s not awkward at all. They’ve had many silent meals because they’re just that comfortable with each other. They don’t always need to say anything to enjoy each other’s company, it’s a comfortable silence they didn’t realize they had missed so much.

After their meal they relocate to the couch where Yoongi begins massaging Hyeri’s feet as she lounges across the couch with her feet in his lap. It’s become a bit of a routine on the days they have free time together, Yoongi can always sense when Hyeri needs a massage on any part of her body and he spends the day trying to take her every ache away.

“I can’t believe I got you the best foot massager I could find yet I’m still massaging your feet by hand,” Yoongi jokes.

“No one is making you rub my feet,” Hyeri laughs.

“That’s true,” he says stopping his hand movements and moving her feet aside.

“Oh,” she pouts.

“Where’s your foot massager,” he teases almost melting at her adorable pout.

“Haeun is probably using it right now,” she laughs. Haeun has spent the better part of the last week trying to take the lavish piece of relaxation off of Hyeri’s hands. Hyeri agreed to let Haeun use it as rent payment for her time staying there but made it clear she was taking it when she leaves.

“Haeun?” Yoongi tilts his head with a brow raised.

“Yeah…..” she hesitates. Secret is out now, though part of her doesn’t even care anymore because she’s thinking she may stay home for good now. Maybe.

“You hate me that much that you didn’t want to tell me you were staying with your best friend?”

“It’s not that, I just…” Hyeri sits upright bringing her feet down to the floor. “I knew you would try to find me and at the time I left I didn’t want you to. I didn’t want to see or talk to you or think about you. When I saw all of the people outside with their cameras I was even more upset, especially since they got photos of me leaving and I just don’t want to have to deal with that right now. So no, I didn’t want you to know I was staying with Haeun. I didn’t want you, or the media, or any other crazy person trying to follow you find me and have my name thrown across the internet again. You did more than just betray my trust, Yoongi. You caused me a lot of hurt in so many ways and I don’t even know what I did to deserve it.”

“You didn’t,” he shakes his head. “You didn’t deserve anything I put you through and I’ll regret it til the day I die. I know this all started because I was upset with you, but you did absolutely nothing to deserve everything I did. I wasn’t myself, Hyeri, and I know that’s not an excuse, I just couldn’t get control of myself. If I hadn’t been so seriously fucked up all of the time I would have never cheated on you. Never in my right fucking mind would I have done that.”

“I believe you, but I still can’t trust you. I never once thought that you weren’t sorry for what you’ve done. When I first confronted you I thought you would lie straight to my face, but you told me the truth when you could’ve easily fed me any bullshit story.”

“I couldn’t lie to you,” he says. “That would have only made me feel worse…how did you know what the truth was?” He tilts his head and raises a brow in suspicion. “Did one of the guys tell you? It was Namjoon wasn’t it?”

“No,” she shakes her head. “You told me. That night Jin carried your drunk ass home, you kept talking and talking. You said a lot because you thought you were talking to Jin, but even after he left you didn’t even realize it was me you were talking to. I was so upset, and even more the next morning when I saw you. I was ready to leave that day if you were to lie to me. I was in the guest room that entire night mentally preparing myself to pack my shit and leave. Then you admitted everything to me and I wasn’t sure what to do. I was so sure you’d lie that I never thought of what to do next if you didn’t.”

Yoongi sits silently trying to recall any memory from the night of their end of tour dinner. The only thing he remembers is drinking that entire day and waking up with the worst hangover the next morning. He shakes his head hating the thought of how bad he was that night.

“It’s ok,” Hyeri assures. “I didn’t know what to do then, but I think I finally know what I want to do now.”

“What’s that?” Yoongi asks.

“I want to stay,” she admits.

“Stay?”

“Yeah,” she nods. “Rebuilding trust is going to take time, and I know it won’t be easy, but I still want to work on it. I want to stay and work through this with you.”

“Stay?” He asks again.

“I have to be on set early tomorrow, but I’ll get my things from Haeun’s place and come here after I’m done shooting.” She reaches up to stroke his cheek which pulls out his biggest gummy smile.

Yoongi feels like he’s been waiting his entire life to hear her say those words. Someone could come steal every single one of his possessions and it wouldn’t be able to wipe the smile off his face. He won’t fuck this up again.

[skazoo]

heat waves.

↳ choi san x f!reader, implied past sakura miyawaki x f!reader

summer sucks and so does your boyfriend. you love him tho, so that's ok.

length. 5.5k

genre. vampire!san, crack, fluff and very little angst (unbelievable)

warnings/tags. language, mention of blood, mention of sex, i think that's it??

networks. @kflixnet

notes. woohoo!!! first ateez fic!!! not much to say i just love popsicle!san ig ALSO i'm so fucking bad at writing description wtf is that?? but also do you get the pun? please tell me you do.

i'm desperate for feedback and i love comments with your opinion!

(cross-posted on ao3 only)

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san knows you hate summer.

he knows you hate sweating, bugs, air conditioning in shops, and when people say 'it's not so much the heat as the humidity' in those stupid little knowing voices. 

san knows you hate summer, and your tossing and turning and whining in your shared bed is the glaring proof of that. 

with fond eyes, he watches you inch closer to his body every few minutes. it will inevitably lead you into the familiar position, with your head on his chest and your legs tangled together, you hugging him close to benefit from his gelid skin.

he admittedly gets all giddy and internally giggles like a teenager every time it happens. he’s just glad you’re not awake to catch him in the act for he would not hear the end of it.

san knows you hate summer but he can’t help but love the season for this reason exactly.

the two of you actually met in the middle of ‘one of the hottest summers ever recorded’ and from that moment on, he’s been in all your seasons.

FIRST SUMMER TOGETHER.

moving into a new apartment on the third floor with a narrow stairway and no elevator in the middle of july was possibly the worst decision you’ve ever taken in your entire life, and you’re pretty well known for making wrong choices. 

every one of your friends agreed that it was, in fact, a bad decision but you had embarked on the tedious journey knowing it was inevitable and desperately needed.

because honestly speaking, what were the options? were there options in the first place?

picture. you just moved from another country, running away from both your problems and your parents, things which if you think about it now, were one and the same. you’re a freshman in a college you’re surprised you even got into thanks to your messy portfolio. you don’t know anyone, let alone have friends, and sakura miyawaki, who’s apparently the sakura miyawaki —hot junior with a brilliant career ahead of her and a honeyed voice capable of making anyone fall at her feet— bumps into you and spills her iced coffee all over the sweatpants and sweatshirt combo that you call your pajama. 

it’s a chilly late september night, you’re coming back to your dorm from a lonely and sad dinner at the convenience store five minutes off campus, and your wide eyes, shivering body, and awkward incapability to form a single, coherent sentence must inspire her so much pity that she essentially begs you to at least allow her to take your dirty clothes to your dormitory’s laundry room. she’s pretty and smells nice, and in your book, that’s more than enough to follow her to the cramped and dusty room with flickering neon lights and a serious mold problem.

you talk the whole night, you dangling your legs from one of the dryers, and she, sitting legs crossed on the ground waiting for your clothes to clean up.

fast forward eight months, and she’s inviting you to live with her after having to hear you whine about your bio-hazard of a roommate for the whole semester. you’re together now, have been for two months or so, and it actually sounds like a good idea until it isn’t.

it doesn’t last too long. you know the first period of living together poses a great challenge to every relationship, you merely thought that yours was going to pass smoothly.

you fight over stupid things more often than not, you say sorry when you’re not supposed to, she feels bad, you have sex, and you are back to square one.

you’re not one to force something that’s not meant to be, disregarding your mental health in the process, and just before summer starts, you break up with her. it's not that surprising when it doesn’t turn out to be something tragic. she’s still your friend, you’re still living together under the same roof. there’s just an invisible wall acting as a boundary between the two of you.

when the summer you so fervently hate and she so animatedly loves finally comes around, your living situation becomes a problem. 

she has a new girlfriend, and you don’t resent her one bit. chaewon is pretty and smart and likes summer almost as much as sakura, she’s not the problem per se, it’s just that the small two-bedroom apartment is starting to feel claustrophobic. it’s when, after a month or so, you catch them doing stuff on the couch you and sakura bought together that you decide you have to move out. out of the apartment, out of the relationship.

which brings you to your current situation.

did sakura really have to find happiness in july?

you loudly curse the droplets of sweat that form at the back of your neck only to slowly crawl their way under your tank top, down your back. 

you take one look around the small atrium of the old building off campus you consciously decided to move into, then over your shoulder to the heap of furniture sakura so graciously let you take with you, and you’re overcome by the urge to just leave it all on the street, live a refreshing minimalist life, sleep on a mattress on the floor and keep your clothes inside your suitcase forever. 

you visibly grimace at how lazy you are, but, in your defense, you were promised assistance, motivation, an annoying cheerleader with a probable undiagnosed OCD hyping you up and telling you exactly how and where to move things.  

honestly, seonghwa was such a bitch to bail on you last minute. he should be here helping you (doing everything for you without even noticing because he hates how you do things), not lazing around somewhere (working overtime for mere pennies).

you loudly sigh, hoping he can hear you from the other side of the city before shaking your head to shoo away any counterproductive thought and rolling up non-existent sleeves to finally get to work after almost twenty minutes of sweet and pure procrastination.

starting going up and down the steep stairs, you think that maybe you were just being a tad bit overdramatic. yeah, you’re still sweating like a pig and your hair still uncomfortably sticks to the back of your neck, but you’re working relatively quickly and you’re finally seeing progress! who needs help? from a man, nonetheless? seonghwa can go to hell with his big words like irresponsibility, laziness, immaturity, and weaponized incompetence that he throws at you every time you beg him to help you with something.

this little emancipated-woman moment lasts for about an hour when you realize how right your best friend actually is in calling you dumb, and the real reason for everything going so smoothly and without that much of an effort finally reveals itself. having moved all the useless and light things first, your bigger furniture remains sitting on the street, tanning under a bright summer sun.

now you stand alone at the top of the first flight of stairs. a wanderer above a sea of silence and embarrassment. the bed structure you just left tumbling down the steps with a loud noise after trying to dangerously drag it to your apartment on your own, stares at you mockingly.   

and yet, the only thing you can think about is that when it fell, the headboard banged against the staircase wall and didn’t leave any mark, so at least the old building is not made of cardboard and won’t fly away at the next thunderstorm in a wizard of oz type of fashion.

two floors above you a door slams open and a deep, angry voice cascades on you from the heavens, judging for your sins and damning you to an afterlife of suffering in the fiery pits of the equivalent for stupid people of hell.

“what the fuck is happening in this forsaken building!? some people are trying to sleep, for fuck’s sake!”

you hear him before you see him but nothing about his voice could have prepared you to witness the hunk of a man hurling himself down the stairs to see your crouched and sad form pitifully sitting on the last step of the stairs, knees close to your chest and eyes looking at the consequences of your actions through fissures of your hands pressed in shame on your face. 

you know he’s standing behind you from the furious huffs coming from his nostrils every two or three seconds, and you slowly —comically, under other circumstances— turn your head to look at him, hovering over you, blazing glare pinning you down.

“was it you? who- what are you doing?”

“i dropped my bed…”

he passes an aggressive hand through his dark hair. “what the fuck does that mean?”

you silently point to the furniture at the bottom of the stairs, resigned eyes staying on his confused face.

“how did- you woke me up. i just fell asleep.”

“it’s almost noon.” you point out. “and it’s tuesday…”

he presses his lips in a thin line seemingly getting where you’re coming from.

then it dawns on you. almost too obvious considering the people you hang out with. “oh my god don’t tell me- you’re a vampire?”

“i am- wait- how did you- and why do you sound disappointed, what the fuck?”

you shake your head dismissively. “oh, it’s not you, i swear. i just thought i’d meet a normal person for once.” your attention is back to your bed, assessing how to bring it to the third floor and missing the man’s shocked expression. if they could, his eyes would pop off their socket.

“for once?” 

you shoo his disbelief away with a wave of your hand, leaving him gaping at you like a fish out of water. “i’m- who are you?”

you simply shrug. “oh, i’m YN. i’m moving here.”

he’s funny, you think. right hand propped on his hip, left hand massaging the bridge of his nose while he takes deep breaths, he looks just like the old lady that lived down your street when you were little, and that had something to say every time you and your brothers played outside.

“are you okay? do you need to sit down?” you gently pat the space near you on the step you’re sitting on. a worried smile playing on your lips.

he glares at you from over his hand and scoffs loudly. “look, i really don’t know how you know, but i am a vampire and i do need to rest every once in a while. so just- just do what you have to do but do it quietly.”

you frown as he turns around, surely intent to barricade himself back into his house. 

is he really going to make you ask for it?

you have to bury all your pride —which at this point is not a lot– to stop him from leaving. “can you help me?” a whisper that you know he hears loud and clear as his head snaps back to you and his body stills halfway up the first flight of stairs.

“what?”

you feign innocence, looking at everything but him. “what?”

his face contorts weirdly, and you don’t understand if he’s about to cry his eyes out in front of you out of frustration or scream at your face before snapping your neck and going back to sleep like this is just another tuesday for him. what you do not expect is the loud snort that he lets out like you just said the most hilarious thing ever.

he looks at you again with the neighbor-lady pose and a surprised smile on his lips. “you want me to help you?”

you shrug, admittedly a little bit embarrassed at the condescending tone he’s using. you feel like a child before him, and in terms of years on this earth you probably are. “well-” you point at the furniture you just dropped down the stairs ”-the bed is not going to bring itself up the stairs and we clearly established that i’m not physically capable of doing it alone, so…”

he cocks his head and blinks blankly at you.

“you want me to say please? because i will-”

“say please.” he cuts you off and graces you with a smug smirk.

it’s hard to be annoyed when his voice sends a weird shiver down your back. “please, will you be so generous and help me bring the heavy stuff up these ridiculously steep stairs? like really, why are they so-”

“yes, dear neighbor. i will help you. thank you for asking so nicely.” and before you can say anything else, he’s already picking up the bed structure and carrying it up to your apartment without breaking as much as a sweat, and you’re left to stare at him at the bottom of the stairs, dumbfounded and admittedly a little attracted to this weird man too.

in no time the unsurprisingly strong vampire has managed to clear the street of your possessions and is now awkwardly standing in the middle of your small apartment, seemingly waiting for you to send him on his way.

“everything is here,” you state matter-of-factly, nibbling nervously at your lower lip and rocking on the balls of your feet.

he nods his head once and when you don’t say anything else, he looks at you with confused eyes. “do you need me for anything else or…?”

you’re quick to shake your head and offer him a thankful smile. “thank you, though.”

“no problem.” another beat of weird silence. “then i’ll… i’ll go,” he bids you a polite goodbye and starts walking to the door before you stop him with a shy hand on his cold forearm and a look that’s hopefully conveying how truly thankful you are for his help. without him you would still be sitting on the stairs wallowing in self-pity, waiting for a tired seonghwa to put you back in a tranquil state of mind.

“hey, i just wanted to- i really am sorry, okay? for waking you up, i mean, but i really hate summer and- and my friend seonghwa says i’m dumb, and he’s right because why the hell did i even try to drag the bed up the stairs alone? but he says that i have a problem with logical thinking and that i do stupid shit because of that, so maybe that’s why…? and he also says i’m a public danger and that i don’t read social cues, and that i say things to people and don't even realize it and- and i asked if you were a vampire and maybe i offended you and-”

“sounds like a shitty friend to me.” the cute smile on his lips makes you literally melt where you stand, and you’d be at a loss for words if you didn’t have a best friend whose reputation you have to save just after ruining it.

“no! i swear he’s the best! he’s- he's my voice of reason and- you know what, you should meet him, look i’ll call him now.” you reach for your phone in the pack pocket of your pants.

“YN.”

you stop halfway through clicking on seonghwa’s contact. “yes?”

he laughs a little. “it’s really not that deep, okay? i was just tired and i made it bigger than it actually is. so you don’t have to worry about it, and please don’t call your friend.”

“okay…”

a small satisfied nod, and he’s ready to go back to sleep, hopefully before the day ends.

“wait!”

he turns around yet again. his furrowed eyebrows and the small pout of curiosity on his mouth make you want to touch his face, just to feel if it’s soft or not. 

“do you… do you want to stay? i have blood if you want.”

he chokes on spit and you bite your cheeks to keep from bursting out laughing.

when he’s back to functioning normally he considers the invitation and nods slowly, following you to the small kitchen table he just took up the stairs.

he sits on one of the two chairs and looks at the almost empty refrigerator. some bags of blood, a carton of almond milk, and some weird bottles that san thinks he's seen before at hongjoong's place, the witch usually brewing the potions to help with his friends' hangovers. just who are you friends with? 

“how did you even bring the fridge here?”

you put a full glass of red liquid with a bright yellow straw in front of him. “it was already here when i came to take a look around. did your apartment not have one?”

he hums to confirm while taking a small box out of the pocket of his hoodie, and you can’t contain the amused gasp you let out.

“do you have fake fangs?!”

he puts something in the box and closes it, glaring at you with an offended hand on his chest. “my fangs are very much real, thank you. this is just my retainer.”

your laugh comes out before you can stop it, and he just sits there, in your packed apartment, a hurt frown on his pale face, aggressively sipping blood like a wronged child. 

san knows you hate summer, but he’s happy that sakura miyawaki decided to find happiness in july.

SECOND SUMMER TOGETHER.

“hwa, i swear i’m okay, alright? it was a busy day at work and i forgot to charge it. i’m sorry i didn't answer your calls. i know you were worried.” phone balanced between your right cheek and shoulder, you maddeningly fish for your keys in your work bag to unlock the entrance door of the old, silent building.

it’s almost one in the morning, the family with the little kid on the fourth floor and the two old couples on the first have been asleep for at least three hours, and you’re trying to keep your late-night noises to a minimum, climbing the stairs on your tiptoes and being careful to not let your keychain clang against the metal railing. 

when you reach the second floor and you realize that you forgot your very late dinner in your car parked fifteen minutes away because you couldn’t find a spot near the apartment, that’s when your resolve crumbles under the stress and the tiredness, taking you with it in the process. 

with a quick, strangled goodbye to seonghwa, you hang up the phone and loudly plop down on the last step of the first floor, just in front of a familiar door. head in your hands, tears of frustration collecting on your lower lash line. 

to say that you’re ready to give up would be an understatement.

if someone had told you you’d be going to university in the morning, work the first job after lunch, study, and then work your second job till after midnight and still not be able to pay rent without delays, you wouldn't have moved out of sakura’s apartment. hell, maybe you wouldn’t have moved out of your childhood home.

that’s actually a lie and you know it but these last few horribly hot and humid days have been making you question if you actually are as strong as you’ve always thought yourself to be. forgetting dinner in the car was just the last, short straw, that caused the tolerance for the frantic pace you’ve been living at to overflow, drowning you in doubts and paranoia. 

you hear the door behind you slowly open but your head remains in your hands while tears silently make their way down your reddened cheeks.

“hey, baby.”

you let yourself smile through the pain at his calm voice and silly pet name you love to hate.

“hi, sannie…”

“are you okay?”

still not looking at him, you slowly shake your head no, missing the fond look that takes on his features. 

“what’s the problem?”

you scoff. your life right now is just a bunch of problems in a trenchcoat, where do you even begin to tell him what’s wrong?

“if you turn me into a vampire do you think it’ll count as dying according to my life insurance policy?”

he laughs while leaning his side against the door frame, arms crossed and defined biceps standing out in his ‘this is the skin of a killer’ tank top…?

“what are you w-”

“i lost a bet to yeosang.” he closes his eyes in embarrassed contemplation.

“what-”

“i don’t want to talk about it.”

you raise your hands in defeat, biting your lower lip to suppress a laugh. your exhausting frustrations are almost completely forgotten. “okay… killer.”

he groans loudly. “look, i was going to ask you if you wanted to talk about it but apparently bullying me is all it takes to feel better.”

you chuckle. “for being centuries old you sure are such a baby, sannie. yes, i want to talk about it, maybe just not where we can wake everyone up?”

he throws one last glare at you before turning and inviting you into his home. “did you have dinner?”

you take off your shoes and unceremoniously drop yourself on the fancy couch in his big living room. “nope. that’s one of the reasons i was crying, actually.”

without saying anything he gets to work at the stove he apparently uses just for you. “don’t they let you eat before you start your shift? i heard you talking to seonghwa.”

“were you eavesdropping, sannie?”

he shrugs. “i hear everything that happens here. i can’t just plug my ears every time someone’s on the phone.”

you chuckle at his old man antics. “they’d let me eat but i barely make it on time every day. i go there directly from the library, i just don’t have time.”

a small hum to signal that he’s listening.

“the problem is,” you start, popping your head from behind the headrest of the couch to look at him work his magic on your food, “that even if i kill myself at work every damned day, i’m still not able to live without worries. if i want to eat i can’t pay rent on time, and it’s fucking tiring.”

“stop renting and just buy.”

silence. 

you stare at the back of his head, and he must notice because he turns around with a questioning look on his face. “what?”

“‘just buy’? really?” you deadpan, “respectfully and all, but when you bought this apartment they were still using goats to buy stuff, san. that’s why you live in a huge ass house while i barely can afford a glorified closet.”

he turns to his stove muttering under his breath that he’s ‘not that old’.

you plop back down on the soft cushions. “i just want to be able to live the life i know i am worthy of. i work hard, i study hard, and i can’t even sleep without being scared of getting thrown out on the streets. and on top of that, my AC is not working and every time i step foot into that nightmare of an apartment i’m always on the verge of throwing myself out the fucking window.” you take a deep breath to calm yourself down. “i just wish something deus ex machina-style would happen to me to get me out of this misery.”

“you could come live with me.”

san hears you fall off the couch and on your ass.

“what?”

he switches off the stove and walks to his mahogany table at the center of the room, telling you that dinner is ready.

“i have a lot of spare rooms. you could come to live here, start saving some money for the life everyone who loves you knows you deserve.”

he always speaks like everything is so simple and while after you just met him it was sure to make your blood boil, over time it has become something to help you ground yourself when you feel you’re starting to spiral. 

“i- but you’ve lived alone for so much time maybe-”

“maybe it’s time to switch it up, don't you think? besides, i like spending time with you and you have a concerning amount of blood coming directly to your door every friday, so if it makes you feel better i’m also taking advantage of you a little.”

you snort loudly, a moved blush creeping up on your still tear-stained cheeks. “i don’t know what to say, sannie.”

he smiles at you. his dimples seem to melt your resolve every time.“then shut up and come eat before it gets cold or i’m gonna give it to you for breakfast when you wake up tomorrow.”

“i’m coming, wait a second…”

he curiously watches as you quickly type on your phone. “are you telling seonghwa?”

you shake your head without looking at him. “asking yeosang if he has another one of those shirts.”

he throws a napkin at you while grumbling something about ‘regret’ and ‘welcoming a bully into his home’.

san knows you hate summer and his AC works perfectly so it was just logical to have you move in. right? 

THIRD SUMMER TOGETHER.

you huff loudly, putting on every single piece of silver jewelry you own for your date night with your boyfriend —your dramatic flare making you dig for the accessories in the far back of your closet where you hid them when you started going out with him almost a year ago— and even if you’re not moving much, you can feel a sticky film of sweat start to form on the many exposed parts of your body that your clothes don't leave up to the imagination. 

“babe. c’mon.” san deadpans from the door of your shared bedroom; a safe distance between him and the threat your accessories pose to him. his hands propped on his waist and a cute pout frowning his pretty lips. 

you don’t acknowledge him in the slightest, and he closes his eyes solemnly; your lucky guess is that he’s counting to ten in his head just like how you taught him to do when he gets angry at wooyoung’s stupid teasing. then he speaks slowly, carefully, “so… just to check, you know… you’re angry at me because-”

before he can finish you snap your head in his direction with an unbelieving look. your earrings catch the light from the lamp in front of you and you can see san glare at them with not-so-subtle disdain. “san!”

his arms shoot up from his hips and his shoulders tense up in an exaggerated shrug. “what?! i just want to understand! are you going to blame me for it?!”

“fuck yes i am! it’s been a week, san! i’ve been talking about tomorrow for a week, and you don’t even remember?! how am i supposed to take it?!”

“okay, but what is tomorrow?!”

“just say you’re sorry!”

he dramatically gasps, holding a hand to his chest in offense, and you have to roll your eyes because you know that from his stubborn point of view, you just asked the unimaginable. 

you just told him to walk in the sun without his protective amulet; you ordered him to feed on a puppy; you had the nerve to ask him if he could sell his original pikachu illustrator pokemon card for you to buy other silver jewelry. you horrible, beautiful creature, how could you. 

“i don’t know what i’m supposed to be sorry for! i can’t apologize every time someone tells me to! i have a reputation!”

you scoff while applying your mascara in the mirror. “yeah, the reputation of being insufferable,” you mutter under your breath.

“i heard tha-”

“oh, i know! of course, you heard that, but apparently, you didn’t hear what i have been annoying all our friends with for a full week. even mingi knows what tomorrow is!”

he raises a finger, clearly offended by the fact that mingi of all people, stands on a step above him in your imaginary staircase of respect, and is about to say something before he just stops, lips in a thin line and eyebrows in a confused frown. 

you look at him as he mentally scrambles to find in his vast memories what exactly you're talking about, and you can’t stop yourself from thinking that he looks so cute, flustered like this. not an immortal being at all. you do your best to suppress a smile. 

after all, you physically need to keep playing with him a little more.

you’re not really that upset with him if you have to be completely honest. tomorrow is not as important as you’re making it out to be, but your fatal flaw is pettiness and you’ll die on the hill you’re finally standing on. you’ve been waiting so long for him to be the one to forget something important it’s not even funny at this point.

since you’ve met the vampire, you’re the only one who’s ever had to apologize and beg for forgiveness for missing "important" dates like his death anniversary (you weren’t even together at the time! who just remembers something like that!?), his party for the 233rd year from the french revolution (...), and your third monthiversary (in your defense you didn’t even know it was a thing), and he has always looked at your internal panic with the fakest annoyance and a small, smug smile. 

he loved and still loves watching you come up with dumb excuses, and you just want- no, you need to feel what it’s like to possess such immense power.

while he contemplates all the choices that led him to this exact moment, you finish getting ready —spraying the expensive perfume he got you for your birthday— and wait for him to say something, anything. your arms crossed and an expectant expression on your blushed face.

one more minute of waiting and he sighs exasperatedly, his head shaking slightly in resignation. “alright, look–” arms reaching in your direction and palms out, you know from the soft smile that plays on his rosy lips, that he’s ready to make you win this time– “i’ll try harder to remember after dinner. you’re right, and i’m sorry for forgetting something important to you.” 

victory.

he moves to gently unclasp your crossed arms, and you barely manage to escape his touch with an alarmed expression.

“what? what is it? i said i’m sorry.” he looks so lost and so cute you want to forget the date and cuddle him till one of you falls asleep. but you opt for an airy laugh and start taking off your jewelry.

“i've got silver all over me, sannie. apparently, not even that can keep you away, uh?”

he cackles, and once you’re free from the shackles that keep you away from him, he doesn’t waste time hugging your waist, effectively gluing you to his body. “oh, but baby, what’s a little pain compared to how much i already burn for you? i’d endure hell and what comes after that, marry you in a church if it meant i’d be able to hold you like this forever.”

stupid san and his old-man slick talk. stupid san and his honeyed, deep voice. stupid san and his love declarations on friday evenings after you fake-fight and makeup.

you hide your face in his neck. your blush creeps from your cheeks down your neck, and your next words are small, shyly mumbled against his cold skin that’s giving you some needed, sweet relief from the hot, humid air sticking to your skin and making you go crazy. “stop… we’re gonna be late for dinner…” 

he chuckles, places one swift kiss on your forehead, and lets you go, albeit reluctantly. “speaking of which. what are we eating?”

“italian.” you run past him and out of your bedroom with a high-pitched giggle before you can see the bewildered and seriously affronted look on his handsome face.

“ARE YOU STILL ANGRY AT ME?! TALK TO ME!”

san knows you hate summer just like he can’t physically stand garlic so he doesn’t take well to your teasing. 

FOURTH SUMMER TOGETHER.

san knows you hate summer and you love him. 

he wishes it could be summer all year long so you’d always look for his cold body when you can’t fall asleep during hot nights and hum in contempt as he mindlessly caresses your face. when it’s winter he wishes summer could come faster so he can finally feel the years pass. so he can finally see you grow and flourish and become more beautiful every time the earth does another lap around the sum. 

san knows you hate summer but he looks at you strangling his body in your hold like your life depends on it, and he can't help but thank fate or whatever it was that made you drop your bed down the stairs four years ago. he thanks seonghwa for bailing on you. he thanks you for being so enticingly weird and having friends who are just like him.

san knows you hate summer but another year with you adds another sweet and sweaty meaning to his immortal existence. 

[harrysgal]

I DIG YOUR CINEMA (6)

harry styles x yn aspiring filmmaker — social media AU

About the smau: yn starts posting videos on youtube and is trying to build a career as a filmmaker. Things are going pretty well for her and she starts getting more attention when she creates content about shows she goes to. She’s also a fan of Harry’s music and some of his fans start getting suspicious when his team starts interacting with her.

Disclaimer: The story it’s set in 2021 and it will follow their relationship through the LOT leg in the US. Since this is nothing but fiction, I will be following some of the real timeline but also adding my own stuff. On top of that, I won’t be basing myself on Harry’s actual posts.

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PART 5 // MASTERLIST

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I DIG YOUR CINEMA (PART 6) — PHILLY AND DC

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liked by bestfriend, lookitsnyoh, mollyjane_x and 74,215 others 

yourinstagram sorry guys, had to visit my parents really quick to meet the new addition to the family. i also went over to my best friend just so she could tell me ‘i told you so’, did some thinking while staring through the window, and had some quality time catching up with my niblings. everything went great and it got me all excited for what’s coming next :D i honestly cant believe how lucky i am to have all these great people around me. 

now im back to duty and ready to spread all my love around, so… who wants some? 

view all 11,401 comments 

user7 YESSSSSSS HIIIIII THERE YOU ARE!!! user13 omg did your parents get a puppy??? 🥹 harryfan3 when i got to the end of the caption tho !!!!! 

↳ harryfan11 right?! so SASSY omg i love this woman

anthonypham 🙋‍♂️

↳ lookitsnyoh 🙋🏼‍♀️ ↳ paulithepsm 🙋🏿‍♂️ ↳ pillowpersonpp 🙋‍♀️ ↳ mitchrowland 🙋‍♂️ ↳ _basselin 🙋‍♀️ ↳ glenne_azoff 🙋‍♀️ ↳ jefezoff 🙋‍♂️ ↳ harryfan5 STOP THEY’RE ALL HERE TO SUPPORT HER 😭 ↳ harryfan64 Harry isnt tho ↳ user9 they alllllll want some love lmao i love it ↳ harryfan64 not Harry tho. bc he didn’t comment  ↳ harryfan27  ＠harryfan64 for the love of God just stop you’re embarrassing our fandom 

user1 im glad to see you here. hope you’re feeling our support 🥰❤️ harryfan YOU’RE SOOOOOO  loveynrry this is why we haven’t seen her around with harry then :’) bc she took some days off 

↳ user13 no bc the fact that he probably gave her some days off after what happened is so sweet :’) ↳ harryfan80 or maybe he just didn’t want to be linked to her anymore so he sent her away ↳ loveynrry ＠harryfan80 fuck off from my comment 

user5 yn really said “fuck you for posting that shit” and that’s why she’s so awesome  bestfriend miss you already <3 bestfriend we’re the lucky ones btw  bestfriend also ily 

↳ user4 you two are the coolest i want to be friends with you too ↳ harryfan17 okay but what were you right about tho 👀

harryfan18 This is so childish 🙄 you could just address the rumors instead of adding more to them yknow 

↳ harryfan25 how is she adding more to the rumors? just curious ↳ harryfan18 When she makes jokes about it but doesn’t say things aren’t true she’s allowing them to keep the narrative going  ↳ harryfan25 she never allowed them to “start” with this narrative, tho ↳ harryfan18 Maybe not. But now she’s clearly aware of what’s happening and what they’re saying so she could put a stop to it instead of making jokes about it ↳ harryfan25 honestly I don’t think she would be able to stop them but ok  ↳ harryfan74 She clearly wants the attention so of course she won’t stop the rumors 

harryfan26 very funny but do you have a bf or not????   user15 WE LOVE YOU ❤️ 

Sep 15, 2021. • 

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liked by harryfan18, harryfan22 and 217 others

harryupdates Harry out in Philadelphia with some friends! 

view all 81 comments

harryfan31 awwww he’s so happy  harryfan35 yasssss my love <3 can’t wait to see you tomorrow!!! harryfan18 no yn around FINALLY 

↳ harryfan56 good. she should stay with that bf of hers and away from him ↳ harryfan48 I knew Harry would put a stop to that whole fiasco after the truth came out  ↳ harryfan52 yep. and I’m pretty sure we’ll slowly fully stop hearing about her 

harryfan15 can people leave yn out of their mouths pls 🙄 

Sep 16, 2021. •

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liked by annetwist, bestfriend, sisterinlaw and 61,917 others 

yourinstagram what a crazy crazy busy day! didnt think i’d have time to walk around the city this time but turns out i did and omg!! im glad i was wrong bc philly you’re truly GORGEOUS <3 

view all 9,347 comments

loveynrry can’t believe yn went to a museum and harry wasn’t there lol harryfan5 omg i’m going to the show in DC and I’M SO EXCITED harryfan5 would it be okay if I approached to say hello?? dont want to make you uncomfortable I just love your videos so much Id love to talk to you about it

↳ yourinstagram omg yesss that’d be totally okay! you’re so sweet for asking <3 see you at the show! ↳ harryfan5 omg???? STOPSJFNAK  ↳ harryfan3 GIRL SHE REPLIED ↳ harryfan5 I know stop I’m losing my mind I DIDN’T EVEN THINK SHE’D SEE IT OMG

harryfan49 WHERE’S HARRY?!!

↳ harryfan66 living his own life bc he finally realized what a shitshow she is

user1 😍 so pretty! it must be amazing to get to know all these places

↳ yourinstagram it is! its been one of my favorite parts of this job for sure :)))

harryfan54 You’re not fooling anyone we all know Harry wasn’t with you 

↳ user3 ??? she never said Harry was with her?? ↳ harryfan54 C’mon she keeps posting all these vague things just so people wonder about it ↳ user5 you should see a doctor. istg this can’t be healthy 

harryfan72 isn’t it funny how after those headlines came out we didn’t see harry and yn together anymore ☠️ user5 can harrys fans leave this comment section? WE DON’T WANT YOU HERE SO GTFO

↳ harryfan3 i swear not all of us are like this :( ↳ user5 no omg i know that :( i’m sorry it’s just annoying to see these comments taking over her posts thats all ↳ user17 also the fact that she replied to some people shows she’s reading things :( ↳ user9 istg if yn stops interacting with us because of them… 😠 ↳ harryfan3 yeah i get it guys :( i wish there was a way to stop them  ↳ harryfan19 I hope she at least knows how many of us really like her 

Sep 16, 2021. •

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liked by harryfan18, harryfan22 and 357 others

harryupdates Harry and Yn out in DC this morning!

view all 81 comments

harryfan5 stopppppp user9 oh i love this! harryfan9 MY BABIES 😍 harryfan78 you can’t even see their faces so how do you know it’s really him? 

↳ harryfan68 it’s not them lol ↳ harryupdates It’s 100% him. The fan who saw them also took a picture with Harry but asked us not to post it.  ↳ harryfan78 right 👍 how convenient lmao

Sep 18, 2021. •

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liked by annetwist, bestfriend, jefezoff and 92,127 others 

yourinstagram im supposed to fall asleep but im too excited so here’s a post with some glimpses of this long and marvelous day

view all 13,987 comments

iloveyn respectfully, those are legs for days 🫡 harryfan the way i just GASPED!!   loveynrry i LIVE for the concept of pictures 1 and 3 being on the same photodump  harryfan3 MOTHER bestfriend 🔥 bestfriend 👀 lookitsnyoh pls step on my face

↳ anthonypham pls step on my face  ↳ bestfriend pls step on my face ↳ user3 pls step on my face ↳ harryfan19 pls step on my face  ↳ user2 pls step on my face 

harryfan29 idk why buy harry’s mom liking her posts is so funny to me lol harryfan62 This is so inappropriate  harryfan80 ??? I can’t believe you just posted a picture of your legs along with pictures of your job

↳ harryfan25 wait, what? no offense but how old are you? lol ↳ harryfan80 old enough to know that’s highly unprofessional? ↳ harryfan25 unprofessional to whom? lmao she’s barely showing her legs whilst harry is fully naked on his cover album so i doubt he cares  ↳ harryfan13 hahahahaha that’s so true omg ily ＠harryfan25

user15 ohhhh 😍 i love bold and confident yn  harryfan91 so are you dating harry or not????

↳ harryfan76 she’s not. She’s just desperate for attention ↳ harryfan84 also, she has a boyfriend! 

harryfan5 THANK YOU FOR BEING SO NICE TO ME I LOVED LOVED LOVED MEETING YOU 

↳ harryfan5 THANK YOU AGAIN I MEAN IT YOU’RE THE BEST ↳ yourinstagram emmaaaa ❤️ thank YOU! you’re the sweetest and I loved talking to you :))) hope you had a great show!

Sep 18, 2021. •

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— — — — — 

PART 7: FROM DETROIT TO ST. PAUL

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Tag list: @toldyouitwasamelodrama @gem1712 @metanoiablxxm @awatt31 @namelesssreaderrr @ameerakane20 @yessswhale89 @idkkkkkkk123lgb — PLEASE READ: I’ll only add to the next tag list those who interact with this post. I hope you understand, thank you for your excitement.

[siyooungi]

hello! i've been reading some of your work recently and your writing is amazing!! could i request something with boa (which im so thankful anyone even writes for her) based on her song "kiss my lips"? you can do anything you want with it, thank you!!

now playing - kiss my lips by boa

Pairing: BoA x Fem!Reader

Idol: Kwon Bo-ah (Soloist)

Warning(s): slight angst..?

A/N: awww, thank you so much! I’m honestly so glad someone requested for her, so I appreciate this.

You and Boa’s friendship ran way back, ever since you were a trainee under SM. Of course, she was already a well-established soloist by then, but she supported you throughout your entire journey. She would always come over when you needed her for support or listen attentively when you wanted her opinion on something, especially your songs.

"Unnie?" Boa looked up at the sound of your voice, drawing her attention away from her phone. "Can you listen to this and tell me how it sounds?" Your voice was becoming quieter as you were becoming increasingly self-conscious at the thought of her listening to your song. She nodded happily and sat closer to you, waiting for you to press play. As soon as you did, you looked down shyly, as you didn’t want to see her reaction as it played. You were completely unaware of the smile forming on her face.

Once the music stopped playing, you hesitantly looked up, only to be met with her bright smile. “That was amazing!” She complimented, turning her attention back to you. “You sound amazing, Y/N.” You couldn’t help but blush at her words, feeling an overwhelming amount of joy at her genuineness. “Thank you..” You mumbled, causing her to release a chuckle at your timidity.

You were an aspiring soloist, and before you even made your debut, she visited you as you practiced the choreography for your title track. As soon as you did make your debut, she was openly supportive, and the whole industry would notice how far her support reached.

You were going over the choreography with your choreographer while Boa was sitting and observing in the back, quietly. She pulled her phone out to record you when you came to a stop, running your hand through your hair as you breathed heavily. Smiling at her phone, she posted the video on her Instagram story. You turned to her as you noticed her through your peripheral vision. "You’re doing great, love!" She shouted and gave you a thumbs up, causing you to put your hands on your knees and laugh. You found her to be so cute.

While perfecting the choreography, you were also vlogging in between breaks. Boa could be seen in the background from time to time, but you weren’t aware of that as you were too busy talking to the camera. However, once you did notice, you focused the camera on her. “Unnie, say hi!” Boa looked up from her phone and waved with a smile, earning a giggle from you. Once you turned away to talk to the camera again, her gaze never left you. She couldn’t help but smile as she watched you, finding you adorable.

She found herself doing that often. She simply couldn’t look away at times. If anything, she spent most of her time admiring you. Even fans had caught onto the way she looked at you, whether it be during Instagram lives or if she was present in the videos on your channel. Your little mannerisms always warmed her heart.

There was one thing she began to yearn for though, and that was your attention. Ever since you’ve been focused on your career, which she is fully supportive of, she can’t help but wish you would spend more time with her. Sure, she understood you would be very busy, especially with your newfound fame, but it did upset her to a certain extent. Not your success, but your lack of attention towards her. She was so used to being with you, and now, with all of your promotions, you haven’t had any time for her. You would send her a text after every performance or when you finished an interview, and her face would always light up when she saw your name pop up.

As usual, she was expecting a text from you since you had just finished your final performance for promotions, which she had watched on TV. However, it never came. Boa noticed you posted on your story, and it was a picture of you and Taeyeon. You were kissing her on the cheek, and she was smiling. It was a cute photo, but Boa wished it was her. She hadn’t seen you in all this time, and the first person she sees you with is one of her friends.

Sighing, she locked her phone and placed it beside her, crossing her arms. She felt a strange feeling bubbling in her stomach, something that resembled jealousy. She shouldn’t be jealous, right? Why would she be? You’re only friends. Her face grimaced at the word. Friends. She even shocked herself with her reaction. Why is she suddenly against the term ‘friends’ when it comes to describing you both? That’s what you were.

Groaning, she picked up her phone again and clicked on your contact. She chewed on her bottom lip, debating whether to call you or not. If you were hanging out with Taeyeon, you’d surely be busy and wouldn’t even pick up your phone. You usually gave your full attention to whoever you were with at the time, something Boa loved but hated as of now. It was a great quality, but not when she was the one who wanted your undivided attention. Disregarding her thoughts, she tapped the call button.

Listening to the rings, she tapped her foot on the floor anxiously. Just when she thought it would go to voicemail, your voice was heard on the other end. “Unnie!” Boa smiled at your excitement. She could sense a smile on your face and her smile only widened. “Y/N-ah!” She mirrored your excitement, causing you to giggle through the phone.

“Is there something you need?” You questioned as you walked away from the chaos in the background, wanting to be in a quieter place so you could hear Boa clearly. “Well…” She trailed off, to which you waited patiently for her response.

“I was wondering if you’d be able to come over tonight. I haven’t seen you in so long!” Your smile grew at her response. Although you were tired, you were more than willing to go see her. How could you pass on the opportunity when you haven’t seen her in some time?

“Of course! I’ll be there in a few.”

Boa felt an overwhelming amount of happiness at your willingness to come over despite just finishing a performance. You both said your farewells and hung up. She placed her phone once again beside her, this time feeling joyful and anticipating your arrival. Wanting to be able to greet you immediately, she chose to stay in the living room and watch TV as a way to pass time.

In no time, there was a knock at the door that alerted her. She paused the show she was watching and quickly stood up, making her way to the door. She opened the door and was met with your smiling figure. Her gaze traveled down your body, realizing you were still wearing your stage outfit. It wasn’t that revealing, but it was revealing enough for her heartbeat to pick up. She may have seen it on TV, but it wasn’t the same as seeing it up close in person. Her gaze shot back up to yours when you cleared your throat. You smiled at her knowingly, and she chuckled nervously.

“Wanna invite me in? It’s kinda cold out here.” You spoke as you rubbed your arms to provide the warmth you needed. Boa immediately ushered you in and closed the door behind you, locking it. You’ve been to her place many times so you were well accustomed to making yourself at home. You plopped down on the couch with a sigh. She sat right beside you and rested her head on her hand as she watched you.

You felt her looking at you and your lips curved into a smile. “You should take a picture.” Boa sat up straighter, confused and somewhat startled by your words. You found her confused expression to be utterly cute and it only made you want to tease her more. “Of me. You should take a picture so you don’t have to keep looking.” You continued, causing her eyes to widen. Her ears had noticeably gotten red and she shifted her gaze from you, trying her best to focus on anything that wasn’t you.

“Unnie, I’m just messing with you!” You playfully shoved her shoulder, resulting in her letting out a nervous laugh. She had no choice but to laugh it off as it was painfully obvious that she was embarrassed.

Boa opened her mouth to say something but the sound of a phone ringing caused all of the words she wanted to say to disperse. You looked at your phone and your eyes widened. “I’m gonna be right back, okay?” You told her as you stood up hastily, making a move to go into another room. Her eyes also widened and she nodded, urging you to go.

She crossed her legs and waited patiently. She couldn’t help but get curious though. Why did you need to go into another room? You usually don’t mind answering calls in front of her. Eyebrows furrowing, she tried her best to listen to what you were saying on the phone. Did she think it was wrong to be invading your privacy? Yes. Was her curiosity overshadowing the guilt she felt brewing? Also, yes. She limited her movement and did her best to be as quiet as possible, only being able to overhear your conversation.

Her head tilted at your hushed giggles. Her suspicions were growing at who you could possibly be talking to. She started thinking of names of idols you’re somewhat close with. Yuna? No, you’ve talked to her with Boa around. Yoon? No, she would be able to hear Yoon’s voice through the phone loud and clear. Taeyeon? No, you were just with her. Unless she was calling you to see if you made it safely. Why would she be the one to know that? Boa’s head was swimming with questions but she was pulled out of her thoughts when she heard you tell the person a farewell.

Acting like she wasn’t listening, she quickly grabbed the remote and pretended to be looking for another show. Once you came back, she looked up at you and smiled. It wasn’t the most genuine and you could tell, but you returned her smile and sat beside her once again, nonetheless.

Silence had overcome you both, but it was a comfortable one. Boa abruptly stopped browsing through the shows, causing you to look over at her. “Who was that?” She asked, keeping her eyes fixed on the tv. Your eyebrows raised at the sudden question.

“On the phone?” She nodded, to which you sat up straighter, and placed your hands on your lap. “Taeyeon unnie.” You answered as if it was nothing. To you, it really was nothing, but not to Boa. She let out a dry laugh, causing your eyebrows to furrow.

“Of course.” She muttered under her breath as she placed the remote on the table. “What do you mean by that?” You questioned, turning your whole body to face her. “I’m just not surprised, that’s all.” She responded, still not bothering to look at you.

“Why is that not surprising to you?” You were now feeling strange about the sudden change in her tone. “You and her have been hanging out quite often as of recently, and now you don’t want to call her in front of me.” She stated, now turning to face you. She was immediately met with your confused and somewhat offended expression.

“Why does who I hang out with matter to you?” You didn’t know where this side of Boa was coming from and you didn’t know how to feel about it. In your eyes, you weren’t doing anything wrong. Sure, it may have been odd that you chose not to answer the call in front of her, but you didn’t know how she’d react if you did answer it while she was present. It felt rude to talk on the phone in front of her and not giving her your full attention, especially after not seeing her in so long. You guys weren’t together so the way she was acting caught you off guard.

You could tell that your response had also caught her off guard. Her eyes widened as she realized how she was coming across. You had no idea how she felt about you and her jealousy even surprised her. “I-“ She didn’t know what to say and her lack of response made it evident.

“I think I should leave.” You spoke, picking up your phone before standing up and making your way to the door, to which Boa abruptly stood up. “Wait-“ You weren’t interested in what she had to say and proceeded to unlock the door despite her following behind you.

You opened the door and stepped outside, leaving a regretful Boa standing near the door. “Goodnight.” You sent a short smile her way before closing the door behind you. She couldn’t even bother chasing after you as she knew you did not want to talk to her for the rest of the night or however long you chose. She knew she could’ve tried harder to get you to stay but she simply wouldn’t know what to say if she succeeded.

Sighing, she ran a hand through her hair and went back to sit on the couch. Boa knew she had to apologize, but she would have to go the extra mile in doing so. You were not dating but why did it feel like you just broke up with her?

-

A few days have passed and you still haven’t bothered to text her. You’ve occasionally posted on Instagram and Boa would notice every time, of course. She even continued to like your posts. She would usually comment, but she was scared of doing so after you left her place. She wanted to send you a message and apologize, but every time she would type something out, she would quickly delete it.

From your perspective, you were still somewhat upset with the way she acted and you were most definitely not going to be the one to initiate a conversation. You just chose to keep yourself busy and act as if she didn’t even exist. You were very conflicted in your feelings and she popped up in your mind every now and then. And by every now and then, it really meant every day. You wanted to talk to her but you were too stubborn to do so.

You went as far as hinting at her in the captions of your Instagram posts or when you posted on Weverse. You missed her, which was understandable since you both were together often and it felt weird not talking to or seeing her for so long. She, however, never picked up on your hints. She was just as oblivious as you were to her feelings.

You weren’t too sure how you felt about Boa until you spent this time away from her. Sure, you were close friends but why did you feel so empty without her by your side? You could be hanging out with your friends and your mind would always drift to her, causing your friends to always have to snap you out of it.

-

More time passed and you were currently working on another song. Normally you would have Boa by your side listening and giving her input, so working alone only made you feel weirder. You sighed at the realization that you would not be able to finish this song if she kept popping up in your mind.

You decided you go on your phone and as soon as the screen lit up, you noticed there was a message from a minute ago. Your ringer was off so if you hadn’t checked your phone, you simply wouldn’t have known. You unlocked it to see who it was from and what it said, and you couldn’t believe your eyes when you read the name and text.

7:15pm

Boa unnie <3

“Can you come outside?”

You clicked on the message to make sure your eyes weren’t deceiving you. How did she know you were at the studio? Staring at your phone in utter confusion, you forgot that she was able to see that you read the message due to your read receipts being on. Another message popped up,

7:16pm

Boa unnie <3

“Please?”

You placed your phone in your pocket and stood up before making your way out the door. It was cold outside, so you hoped she wasn’t out there for too long. Knowing her, she was probably debating on actually sending the message and waited before going through with it. With how quickly she responded, she must have been staring at her phone as she waited for your response.

As soon as you stepped outside, you were immediately hit with the cold breeze. However, you didn’t care for that as you were only thinking about one thing or specifically, one person. You ventured further out and noticed a figure with their hands in their pockets as they were looking down.

“Unnie?” The sound of your voice alerted the person and they looked up. The sight of Boa nearly knocked the wind out of your lungs. It felt like forever since you’d seen her and with her now in front of you, you wanted nothing more than to hug her. Still being stubborn, you weren’t going to make the first move.

“Y/N..” She breathed out, a sense of relief washing over her at the sight of you after all these days. The fact that you actually came out and didn’t leave her out in the cold lifted her spirits. Knowing you wouldn’t be the first to make physical contact, she stepped forward and hesitantly opened her arms, testing whether or not you’d accept an embrace. Thankfully, you eagerly wrapped your arms around her neck, to which she happily wrapped hers around your waist.

If she could hold you in her arms for eternity, she would. Happiness bloomed inside of you as you enjoyed the comfort her hug provided. Boa was equally as content and once she pulled away, all she could do was stare at you. Truly soaking in your presence and making sure this wasn’t a dream. Her eyes trailed down to your lips and the movement of your lips brought her out of the trance she was in. Blinking quickly, her eyes shot back up. “I’m sorry?” She wasn’t able to hear anything you had just said, earning a chuckle from you.

“I asked why you were here so late.” You spoke softly, causing her to awkwardly shift her weight from one foot onto the other. “Well..” You looked at her expectingly, waiting for her to go on. “For starters, I wanted to apologize for how I reacted.” She began, clasping her hands together as she looked down.

“I don’t know why— well, I do know why I acted the way I did. I was jealous.” She confessed, causing your eyes to widen. “Why would you be jealous?” Your obliviousness was truly going to be the death of her. It was already embarrassing enough to state that she was jealous, but for the reason as to why she was made her embarrassment insufferable.

“I was under the impression that something between you and Taeyeon was happening. Unfortunately, my mouth was faster than my ability to rationally think and properly go about that situation.” Boa admitted as she occasionally glanced at you to see your reaction as she spoke.

A smile spread across your face as you listened to her speak. She gained the courage to say that, and you appreciated her doing so.

“Well, maybe I could have reassured you if you had informed me how you were feeling a long time ago.” You spoke, which caused her eyebrows to furrow as a result of her being unsure of what you meant when you said that.

“Reassure how?” Now it was her turn to be oblivious. You found her confused expression to be cute, evoking a soft laugh out of you. You took a step closer, feeling your confidence build up after realizing your feelings were reciprocated.

“Can I show you?” She nodded slowly, not breaking eye contact. You cupped her face, tilting your head and leaning in to capture her lips. Her eyes fluttered closed, completely immersing herself in the kiss and pouring all of her emotions into it. You matched her passion, hoping to convey everything you felt and more. It seemed that she had gotten the message as she smiled into the kiss.

Boa pulled back slightly and looked deeply into your eyes. "You have no idea how long I've wanted that to happen." She whispered against your lips, earning a chuckle from you. You felt a profuse amount of warmth spreading through your chest. “I was thinking the same thing..”

Just as she began closing the space between the two of you again, a gasp was heard nearby. You both pulled away from each other, hastily looking in the direction of where the noise came from. Your eyes widened once they landed on your manager standing there.

“Finally!” They shouted out, your shock now being replaced with confusion. You looked over to Boa, but were met with her smiling. “You knew she was coming?” You asked as you turned back to your manager, to which they nodded.

“How else do you think she knew you were at the studio?”

You were at a loss for words, your reaction bringing a laugh out of Boa and your manager. You were too stunned to react to her interlocking your fingers together, but when she gave your hand a gentle squeeze, you were pulled out of the addled state.

The corner of your lips curved up into a smile as you turned to her. Your eyes trailed down to her lips and the urge to kiss her was incredibly strong, but you had to hold yourself back considering your manager was still there.

“Now that everything is settled, can you both come inside? It is too chilly out here.” Your manager requested, bringing your attention back to them. They smiled and opened the door, gesturing for you both to enter.

Once you made it back inside, you all headed right back to the studio. You were in a much better mood and had a spark of inspiration. Deciding to put the song you were working on in the back burner, you now began working on another one. This time, creating one with a more romantic feel.

With your muse by your side, the lyrics came easy to you. Fondness swam in Boa’s eyes as she watched you formulate your ideas before picking up your guitar and strumming some notes. She listened attentively as you hummed the melody, her smile never leaving her face.

You felt her gaze on you so you turned to her, “What do you think?” You asked, suddenly feeling self-conscious under her observation. This scenario felt oddly familiar.

“You sound amazing, love.”

[antoschauniverse]

I find it kind of gross that Gillian posted about 10th anniversary of The Fall but ignored the 25th anniversary for the X-Files and she’ll probably do the same for the 30th as well. No matter how much she and her stans try to make it so Stella will never have the cultural nor staying power of Scully. Scully is still impacting fields and inspiring women globally. It’s a shame Gillian chooses to not acknowledge such a well loved character. I know she had her issues with the show but it would be nice if she remembered the original fandom that gave her the career she enjoys today.

I plan to attend the PhileFest and will enjoy celebrating the show that gave/still gives me so much joy when I was going through so much trauma in my life. I am grateful to everyone in front of and behind the scenes of such a beloved and iconic show. I can’t wait to spend time with deae friends and the creatives/talent of the show who feel the same.

The X-Files and the role of Scully brought Gillian fame and fortune, but the same series brought her many trials and humiliations. This mainly concerns the role of a woman in the series, as decorations and additions to a man, which was a common thing in those years and Gillian had to deal with it. I think it was a pretty dirty game on the part of the "cool" men and I doubt we'll ever find out the whole truth. It is very revealing that after all the recognition that Gillian received for the role of Scully, Gillian was offered a fee that was half that of David. In the end, Gillian got her money, but when you have to fight for every cent, when your partner gets his contract without problems, it leaves a bitter residue in your soul. And it's not David's fault. It was the decision of the studio bosses, but when you are constantly fighting, sometimes this fight just gets boring and you just want to leave everything in the past and forget. I think that's what Gillian is doing. I think that Gillian mentions The Fall not only because Gillian likes her role in this show, but also because, unlike the X-Files, the Fall has a chance to continue and Gillian just supports the interest of fans who are waiting for this show to get another season. I believe you'll have a great time. I've been to a couple of conventions, but they were conventions for Stargate fans. And my Stargate conventions were very fun and successful. FedCon (Bonn/Düsseldorf) forever!

[angelique-of-the-volturi-guard]

Diana Reid appreciation post time:

This woman is a GODDAMN BADASS and it is time she got her proper due! So this is a list of why she’s one of the best female recurring characters on the show!

First of all, she’s played by Jane Lynch, so obviously that’s a huge win in her favor.

But we’re here for facts about her so I digress.

She’s obviously brilliant, especially considering her choice of career.

But the thing is, she had that career at a time when women didn’t have as many rights as they do today, if you consider that Spencer was born in 1981 so Diana would have been teaching in the late seventies, which was around the time when women in the US were getting a lot more independent.

Being a woman and a college professor in a time when women were not in many high-powered professions is badass.

Also the fact that she chose to teach 15th century literature? Amazing.

There’s also the fact that she raised our favorite boy wonder while dealing with the effects of schizophrenia and made him into a great person.

But we knew that already.

She also had a loving and stable marriage with William up until the Riley Jenkins ordeal, which shouldn’t be discounted either.

There’s also the fact that she raised Spencer alone after he left. A single mom has it tough enough, but a single mom with mental illness raising a boy genius???

THIS IS AN OLYMPIC QUALIFYING FEAT.

And not only did she encourage his love of reading, she gave him the confidence to go away to college at Caltech.

She always put Spencer first, even when she was sick- even saying that she and Spencer could only trust one another during a psychotic break.

And even though he was the one who took care of her a lot of the time because she was sick, she took care of him in a lot of ways too.

No matter where he was in the world, she was the anchor point that held him steady.

The fact that Spencer became an FBI agent was likely a hell of a blow to somebody with paranoid schizophrenia, but she has accepted her son’s career and even helped on a case or two.

Not to mention she was the one he went to when JJ said she loved him, which makes her his comfort person.

Also can we talk about the honesty?

She never slandered William to Spencer, even when Spencer was investigating the Riley Jenkins case.

She went OFF HER MEDS in order to be able to help give Spencer the truth of why they weren’t together without her medication or disease clouding her.

She admitted that she waited for William for a long time after he left.

We love a vulnerable queen.

And not just that, but she was genuinely wise.

Her gut instinct saved Spencer’s life from Gary Michaels.

Her instincts in general are fantastic honestly. A mother does know.

She was accepting of her Alzheimer’s in a period of lucidity and gave Spencer excellent advice about life.

Also her first concern with her diagnosis was not remembering that she loved him, and my heart can’t take it.

Best mom 🥹

Diana Reid was the first character with Schizophrenia who felt real to me as someone living with the disease.

She was the first character to show that just because she had a mental illness didn’t mean she couldn’t be a good mother.

And also, her illness did not define her first to Spencer. She was always his mom first.

In conclusion: Diana Reid was a successful woman who suffered from an illness but still managed to be an incredible mom in spite of her disease, and is not celebrated enough in the fandom.