#can you tell i’m thinking about limerence?

[comatosebunny09]

First time in a long time sex.

That yearning sex. That “I’ve pined for you for years” sex. That “I’ve missed you” sex.

Hot, heavy, sweaty. Ugly. Mouths open, panting. Raw. Unfettered. Breathless chuckles and goofy grins throughout. Intense eye contact. Groans slipping through parted, kiss-swollen lips.

Been at it for hours. No sense of time.

“Take me, take me, take me,” he praises like a mantra, the curl of his voice making your walls hiccup around him as he rubs your clit.

A hand wrapped around your throat. A thumb drawing your lip down, pushing into your mouth. Tongue jutting out to taste it.

Open-mouthed kisses, sighing each other’s names. Your nails embedding waning moons into his traps. His grip bruising, body mooring you to the bed.

He won’t let you get away—not this time. Not like you’d want to. Waited so long to feel him like this.

He pounds into you so good until you’re both soundless, yet you can’t look away. Skin slapping. The headboard smacking against the wall. Bed threatens to give way.

Like he can’t buy another one.

Tears stream down your face, and he furrows his brows. He leans down to pour every emotion he’s held back into your body with a kiss.

Your fingers twine together. Squeezing. He pants against your lips, hips stuttering. The world slides into a blissful shade of white. Toe-curling, mind-numbing, tongue-lolling sex.

I need that.

[exquisink]

yandere geto, slice of life, geto is a piece of shit as per usual but simultaneously he's also whipped for u

geto claims he’ll allow the world to burn to a crisp if it meant keeping you in his arms, which isn’t entirely far off from the truth. that’s his goal either way, isn’t it? he wants a world without monkeys, save for you who is his sole exception, and he insists you take care to understand the gravity of such a choice. he wants a world where sorcerers are free to just be.

you do take advantage of his devotion—or is it obsession, a kind of limerence even?—at times.

like in this moment, rejoicing in the stillness as he massages some oil and lotion into your skin as you lay upon these fresh silk sheets. burying your head into your folded arms, breathing through your nose. calming ambient music fills the room from geto’s bose bluetooth speaker on the nightstand. candlesticks are lit in different corners of the room. you feel him lean in, the ends of his mane brushing against your shoulders, kissing into the nape of your neck as he finishes pampering you after a trying day for the both of you.

“are you with me, my love?” he mumbles into your ear.

“mm-mhm,” you hum back, eyes rolling up to peer at him. “is there something you need, suguru?”

“you,” he admits, his finger tracing your cheek. “always you.”

you twist around, laying on your back now as opposed to your stomach. your eyes flutter as you reach out to rest your hands on his chest, tracing the chiseled lines, feeling him relax beneath your touch.

“and if i don’t wish to?” you challenge.

“then it’s okay,” he claims, a little too quickly, a little too certain.

your eyebrows furrow, tone laced in suspicion. “and if… i do wish to?”

“then that’s okay too,” he breathes, his face drawing close to yours. “more than.”

how can you be so sure he’s telling the truth? he claims to respect your boundaries but then he always gets his way. you don’t ever take what he says at face value, and yet…

you study his eyes. those deep pools of amethyst, seeking something. you almost think you find some form of… genuineness.

you still can’t trust him.

the devil is always angelic in appearance, to lull you into a sense of security.

“we will not tonight,” you finalize, testing the waters. as you expect he scowls but relents, pulling away but not without flashing you that look of his, like an indignant, spoiled child. “and i do not love you.”

he winces like your words actually sting.

“you don’t need to,” he snaps, but to your shock, you don’t flinch. “because you can’t leave me. you’ve nowhere to go.”

“yes,” you spit back at him. “you’ve ensured that when you killed everyone i ever loved.”

and made me watch.

“then you understand how serious i am about you,” he continues, and you almost are appalled by the desperation in his tone—like he actually knows what’s best for you. “about us. it’d be in your best interest to get used to it. you’ve already been wise enough not to run away, so you understand, we’re meant to be, and you belong to me. you just haven’t caught up to me yet, but how can i have expected it?”

he brushes a strand of hair away from your face, wipes away a tear that nearly escapes from your eyes as you’re flooded with those memories of a past you can’t return to anymore.

“you simple girl,” he coos, “one day, you’ll see. you’re just lucky i’m willing to wait.”

you grit your teeth.

“i’d sooner allow one of your spirits to eat me alive than love you.”

his scowl returns.

“that’s unfortunate,” he sighs with a shrug. “i guess i’ll just have to have enough love for us both, pet.”

[fangdokja]

Male Yandere / Dark Romance Recommendations [Incomplete Version]

Personal Library mainly includes: Male Yandere + Dark Romance (scroll to bottom XD)

Last Updated: December 4, 2024

This should be a given already, but heed the content warnings in each story! And this list will still be updated as time goes on.

Yandere Classifications (how I classify this library): How a Yandere Says, "I love you." [GENERAL Library Classifications]

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Legend

⭐ : All-time Favorites

🏴 : Black Flag

🏁 : Checkered Flag

🚩 : Red Flag

💀 : What the fudge.

🎨 : Art Inspiration

No Mark : Anything below red flag or just green flag / or crazy.

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The following notices are extra information about my personal library:

Note #1: I have my own personal digital library and much more (e.g. Male Yandere Classifications based on my own research). But I'm not planning on posting those detailed gold mines for a long while. Think of this as just a preview, lol. And, remember, these are all just my personal takes and opinions on the stories. I wouldn't classify it as 'formally objective'.

Note #2: I have a type. Dominant sadistic actual black flags (or just 'checkered' since I come across that more often, which is basically like 'Try Begging' or 99% of web novels level to me). Those what people can call 'abusive' even. Basically they're not afraid to hurt the darling at all, or even kill the darling. So, you won't really find puppy submissive yanderes, or subs here in general, sorry. Though, some of the recommendations can be fluffy, or comedy, so yeah. And even recommendations for 'not torture porn', like how the usual Dominant yandere works (doesn't have to be the sadistic kind). Actually, I rarely find loyal sadist Dom yanderes.

Note #3: I have an extremely high tolerance for anything controversial, taboo, etc. Just dark, tragic shiz, basically. What people call 'torture porn', that's vanilla ice cream to me. Literally vanilla. I like reading the fudged up in the dark psychological genre the most, so it already tells something about my tastes.

Note #4: I haven't updated some of these recommendations in a long while, I've had this library for more than 6 years already. So, yeah. Tastes can change.

Note #5: I like older love interests, age gap romance even, but I don't like younger males and older female trope, sorry. Lol, does the daddy and mommy issues ring? Jk, jk.

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Completed / Finished Reading

Black Flags

⭐ 🏴 Who Is The Prey? (Web Novel)

Checkered Flags

⭐🏁 Who Is The Prey (Manhwa)

🏁 BORDER LINE ~My Fiendish Chinese Classmate's Psychotic Infatuation~ (Manga)

🏁 Kneel Before Me (Manhwa)

Red Flags

🚩 Is this a BAD END? (Manga)

🚩 The Innkeeper's Daughter That Was Doted On By The S-Rank Adventurer (Manga)

🚩 Yaba Ai Instructor (Manga)

🚩 The Love-Interest Prince Completely Change When I Made A Meta Comment About My Reincarnation! (Manga)

⭐🚩🎨 I Reincarnated into the Otome Game "KURODORA," but it's IMPOSSIBLE to clear. ⚠️DUB/NON CON⚠️ (Manga)

🚩 Will You Like Me if I’m Nice to you? lol (Manga)

🚩 The Tainted Half (Manhwa)

🚩 Former Villainess and the Fallen Prince (Manga)

🚩 The reincarnated villainess cannot escape from the demon king's obsession ~Part 1~ (Manga)

🚩 When You Are Reincarnated As The villain NPC's Girl And Be Loved By The Strongest Prince Who Is Not A Capture Target (Manga)

🚩 Mellis Maleficarum~ usotuki akuma no saiin tyoukyou (Manga)

🚩 Muttsuri Akazukin-kun kara wa nige rarenai” / I Can't Escape From Mr. Naughty Red Riding Hood (Manga)

🚩 I Can't Escape From Mr. Naughty Red Riding Hood 2 (Manga)

🚩 The Strongest Knightess Cannot Escape An Obsessive Prince! (Manga)

⭐🚩 Limerence [Yandere! x Chara!Reader] by Monochromatically (Fanfiction)

🚩 Winter Rabbit in Wonderland (Web Novel)

🚩 Dying Days [Dark Reader One Shots] (Fanfiction)

🚩 Infected (Yandere Harem x Reader) (Fanfiction)

🚩 They Who Shouldn't Have Loved, The Story of their Cursed Love (Manga)

🚩 The Sacrificial Maiden Corrupted by Coupling With an Oni (Manga)

🚩 The Spy Who Ravished Me ~Reborn As a Mafia Princess in a Deadly Game~ (Manga)

Below Red Flags (Orange/Yellow/Green, etc.)

Death Is The Only Ending For The Villainess / Villains are Destined to Die (Web Novel)

Teenagers [Yandere High, Quotev] (Fanfiction)

100% Perfect Girl (Manga)

The Yakuza Leader's Only Daughter and the Second in Command (Manga)

You, My Devil / The Devil and His Sacrifice (Manhwa)

Ikemen Kadouka to Seiryaku Kekkon Shitara, Ishiki ga Tobuma de Mederaremashita (Manga)

Special Class with Teacher on the Train (Manga)

BAD GUY| Yandere Mafia Boss x Reader (Fanfiction)

You Need Me ( Manipulator Yandere x Reader ) (Fanfiction)

Gratitude (Yandere x Reader, Quotev) (Fanfiction)

You’ve Got The Wrong House, Villain (Web Novel)

It Seems Like I Got Reincarnated Into The World Of A Yandere Otome Game (Web Novel)

The Epic Revenge ( Marshal Your Wife Run Away ) (Manhwa)

Jinsei 2-Shuume wa Yandere Kareshi wo Amayakashite Happy End ni Narimasu!! (Manga)

Even if I were to die, I wouldn’t choose you (Manga)

Not Yandere / Just Possessive (Protective Type)

Business Proposal (Manhwa)

Pampered by the Escape Boss (Web Novel)

Green Flags / Not Yandere / Just Crazy

Last Game (Manga)

Phoenix Destiny (Web Novel)

Tsuiraku Jk To Haijin Kyoushi (Manga)

Abe-kun’s Got Me Now! (Manga)

Evil Wang Pampers His Ghost Doctor Fei (Web Novel)

Genius Doctor: Black Belly Miss (Web Novel)

The Anarchic Consort (Web Novel)

The Good for Nothing Seventh Young Lady (Web Novel)

Koi to yobu ni wa kimochi warui (Manga)

Space and Rebirth: The Favored Genius Doctor and Businesswoman (Web Novel)

AntiSTALKER (Manhwa)

I’m Dating A Psychopath (Manhwa)

National School Prince Is A Girl (Web Novel)

Dreaming Freedom (Manhwa)

Extras: Not Romance Books

⭐ Kill The Hero (Manhwa)

⭐ Kill The Hero (Web Novel)

Juvenile Justice (K-Drama)

Yoru ni Naru to Boku wa (At Night I Move) (Manga)

Madam, Your Sockpuppet is Lost Again! (Web Novel)

⭐ Reverend Insanity (Web Novel)

Can a Scholar Be Called a Villain (Web Novel)

Incompetent Villain (Manhwa)

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Currently Reading / Tracking Updates

Black Flags

⭐🏴💀 If I Cant Have You by Deathsdoll (Ao3) (Fanfiction)

⭐🏴 How To Break Up Well (Manhwa)

Checkered Flags

🏁 Haunting Adeline (Cat and Mouse #1) by H.D. Carlton (Novel)

⭐🏁🎨 Chaotic Nights (Manhwa) / Tempest Night (JYL) (Manhwa)

Red Flags

⭐🚩🎨 The Beast Within (Manhwa)

🚩 To Your Moralless (Manhwa)

⭐🚩 One Husband Is Enough (Manhwa)

🚩 Betrayal of Dignity (Manhwa)

Below Red Flags (Orange/Yellow/Green, etc.)

My Body Has Been Possessed By Someone (Web Novel)

Stigma Effect (Manhwa)

Villainess Maker (Manhwa)

Quiet In The Office! (Manhwa)

Extras: Not Romance Books

How To Live as an Illegal Healer (Manhwa)

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Simmering Food / Cook Chapters First

Checkered Flags

⭐🏁 The Fallen Fruit Under the Paradise – R19 (Web Novel)

⭐🏁 Try Begging (Web Novel)

⭐🏁 Not Allowed to Leak a Single Drop (Web Novel)

⭐🏁 Chaotic Nights (Web Novel)

Red Flags

🚩 Run Away, From Me (Manhwa)

🚩 The Blackened Male King Always Wants To Set A Routine For Me (Web Novel)

🚩 Odalisque (Manhwa)

Below Red Flags (Orange/Yellow/Green, etc.)

Assassin X Cinderella / Chotto kiken na amaama Onii-san (Manga)

Death Is The Only Ending For The Villainess / Villains are Destined to Die (Manhwa)

High Society (Manhwa)

He’s Always So Kind and Caring. Truly the Ideal Boyfriend (Manga)

Reminiscence Adonis (Manhwa)

Sensei no Yasashii Koroshikata (Manga)

Leylin of Turin (Manhwa)

Please Don’t Eat Me (Manhwa)

⭐ I'm a Fake Saintess but the Constellations are Obsessed (Manhwa)

Taram Taram Taram (Manhwa)

Predatory Marriage (Manhwa)

⭐ I Was Reincarnated as the Villainess in an Otome Game but the Boys Love Me Anyway (Manga)

Destined To Love You (Web Novel)

Today the Villainess Has Fun Again / The Villainess is Happy Today (Manhwa)

I Made a Deal With The Devil (Manhwa)

I’ll Become a Villainess That Will Go Down in History (Web Novel)

Post Possession Damage Control (Manhwa)

The Hero Suddenly Proposed to Me, but . . . (Web Novel)

The Villain Went Crazy Over Me (Web Novel)

You, My Devil (Web Novel)

Not Yandere / Just Possessive (Protective Type)

The Knight Captain Wants to Monopolize the Girl Who Had Glasses (Manga)

I Was Summoned to Be a Saint, but Was Robbed of the Position (Manga)

⭐ Men of the Harem (Manhwa)

Give a Heart to the Emperor (Manhwa)

The Perks of Being a Villainess (Manhwa)

Green Flags / Not Yandere / Just Crazy

Dog Act (Manhwa)

Extras: Not Romance Books

⭐ Konoha Hypocrite (Web Novel / Fanfiction)

The Earth’s Chosen Savior (Manhwa)

⭐ Brutal: Satsujin Keisatsukan no Kokuhaku (Manga)

⭐ Blue Lock (Manga)

Hero Killer (Manhwa)

One Punch Man (Manga)

Genocide Online Playtime Diary of an Evil Young Girl (Web Novel)

Start hunting the main character from One Piece (Web Novel / Fanfiction)

I’m Not That Kind of Talent (Web Novel)

Extreme Eternal Demon (Web Novel)

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Lazy to finish right now

Checkered Flags

🏁 Break Her by BG Harlen (Novel)

Red Flags

🚩 Failed to Abandon the Villain (Manhwa)

🚩 Reminiscence Adonis (Web Novel)

Below Red Flags (Orange/Yellow/Green, etc.)

Chongfei Manual (Web Novel)

This Song Only for You (Web Novel)

The Elegant Sea of Savagery (Manhwa)

Koroshi Ai (Manga)

I’m The Ex-Girlfriend of a Soldier (Manga)

I’ll Just Live On As A Villainess (Manhwa)

Hello, Wife! (Web Novel)

The Villain Discovered My Identity (Manhwa)

The Frog Prince and the Witch (Web Novel)

Not Yandere / Just Possessive (Protective Type)

Beware of the Red Thread (Manhwa)

Sensei To, Watashi Wa (Manga)

Isn’t Being A Wicked Woman Much Better? (Web Novel)

The Best is Saved for Last / Nokori Mono niha Fuku ga Aru (Manga)

Love Between Fairy and Devil (C-Drama)

The Real Daughter is Back (Manhwa)

I Was Admitted To The Villain School (Web Novel)

Both the Kills and You Are Mine (Web Novel)

Father, I Don’t Want to Get Married! (Manhwa)

I Became The Sole Perfumer of A Tyrant (Web Novel)

My Master Disconnected Yet Again (Web Novel)

Of Course, I’ll Claim Palimony! (Manga)

Aidin (Manhwa)

Green Flags / Not Yandere / Just Crazy

Sweet Plunder (Manhwa)

Extras: Not Romance Books

⭐ Omniscient Reader’s Viewpoint (Web Novel)

⭐ Jujutsu Kaisen (Manga)

Yukoku No Moriarty (Manga)

I'm the Grim Reaper (Manhwa)

Hierarchy (K-Drama)

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To Read Soon

god of malice by rina kent (killian) (west novel)

Cry, Even Better if you Beg (Web Novel)

Bastian (Web Novel)

It Doesn’t Matter If You’re Broken (Web Novel)

My Beloved Oppressor (Web Novel)

Apollo’s Heart (Web Novel)

The Skeleton King by Charity B. (Novel)

Entangled Relationships (Manhwa)

The Fake Saint Wants To Be Completely Dominated By A Horny Succubus (Manga)

50 Shades of Grey (Manhwa)

Red Fox (Manhwa)

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To Check, Dark Romance (Post-Backlog)

God’s Eye by ANSA Reads

His Dark Mercy by Amethyst Moonn

Beautiful Evil by Eris Belmont

Malevolent King by Mila Kane

Bad Intentions by Mila Kane

The King by Eris Belmont

Lemonade by Nina Pennacchi

Stolen by Jay Marie

even if it hurts - sam marrino (dare)

bitter heat singed series - mia knight (roth)

decent - sam marrino (calvin)

Rules of Bennet by Ember Michaels

Fearscape by Nenia Campbell

Gaslight her by Quinn Blackford

GODLY OBSESSION by ANSA Reads

Obsession by Gemma Weir

Mansions by Whitney Bianca

Stolen series by Jay Marie

Deadly vows by Haley Stuart

I know what love is by Whitney Bianca

Surrender by Sam Mariano

Wicked Games by Zoe Blake

Devil's Kiss series by Gemma James

love is strange by Whitney Bianca

Better Run by Alina May

24690 by A.A Dark

Nocticadia by Keri Lake

Torment by Dylan Page

Dead of summer by AJ Merlin

all your pain by hannah meadows

Comfort Food by Kitty Thomas

The Witness by AN Boyden

Brutal Conquest by Lilith Vincent

The edge of darkness by leigh rivers

The dare by Harley LaRoux

Losers Duet by Harley Laroux

The Key to Waking Up by Runa Nelson

Captured by Lauren Biel

Miranda Grant- Madness Behind the Mask

Sick Fux by Tillie Cole

Obsession by Harleigh Beck

Stolen by Jay Marie

Still Beating by Jennifer Hartmann

Slaughter by Shantel Tessier

Pet: Genesis by Haley Inez

My Killer by Amrose

Clive Barker Damnation Game

Come Let Us Prey

Corrupt Idol by Dinah Harper

debt by Nina g jones

Heat by R lee smith

Dovetail by Whipperwill

contempt by Sam Mariano

Untouchable by Sam Mariano

Take Me With You by Nina G. Jones

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Other Recommendations

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@yanderenightmare

@yanderedrabbles

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Sample picture of my digital library in Notion (not sure if I'll post this link or not... probably not though for security reasons) But, I'll be posting my analysis of the yanderes to share with you guys (banner images do not belong to me):

[bearr02]

Limerence |JJK - Teaser|

Limerence - The state of being infatuated or obsessed with someone.

Pairing: mafia boss!Jungkook x f!reader

Teaser warnings: angsty, Jungkook’s being kind of an ass

Summary: You never thought you would be tied up with the mafia, your life having been boring and the same. However, when a god of a man walks into the cafe you work at, you want to catch his attention in hopes you won’t feel so lonely anymore. Two thoughts that don’t cross your mind, one, that the stranger has been observing you for the past couple months, two, that he’s one of the biggest mafia bosses in all of Korea, deciding both of you that you will be his wife.

Genre: angst, non-idol au, yandere!Jungkook, smut..

Word count: 426

A/n: ik this is short, but I think it’s a decently good teaser and I’m really excited to put this out there, I probably won’t update too terribly often, considering my other series’, safe and sound being my main which will be the most updated, but like I really wanted to do this :)

This will, of course, be in a chapter most likely later on in this series, after they start dating and Y/n moves in with JK, so kinda just a sneak peak on what it’ll be like later :)

“I’m..I’m pregnant.” You whisper, looking at your hands as you nervously play with them. “You’re what?” Jungkook’s cold voice rings in the air. “You said you were on the pill.” Jungkook says, his chair screeching as he pushes it back and stands. You flinch at the sound, keeping your eyes trained on your hands.

Jungkook’s tattooed hand makes its way into your hair, fingers curling around the strands before he yanks you up by your hair. “Ah!” You whimper, fingers curling around Jungkook’s arm. “How are you pregnant, if you’re on. The fucking. Pill?” He asks, fingers tightening on your hair when your eyes squeeze shut. “I-I ran out.” You whimper out, looking at Jungkook through teary eyes. “You ran out?” He asks, laughing. “Why didn’t you fucking tell me?” He asks, slamming you against a nearby wall. “I tried!” You yell, fighting against him.

Jungkook frowns, his free hand coming up to your throat, fingers curling tightly around your neck. You gasp for air, brows furrowing at the lack of it. “Do not fucking raise your voice at me.” He growls, face coming closer to yours. You attempt to say sorry, your lips only moving as nothing comes out because of Jungkook’s hold on your neck. “I’m getting you abortion pills.” He says, removing his hands from you before walking away.

You fall to the floor, gasping for air. “I..wanna..keep it.” You gasp out hoarsely, a hand resting against your throat. “You what?” Jungkook asks, voice dangerously low as he walks back towards you. “I wanna keep it.” You say, louder this time. “We’re not gonna fucking keep it.” Jungkook says, standing beside your hunched over frame. “Then I am.” You say.

Jungkook scoffs, “And how the fuck are you gonna do that? I can just kill it when you’re sleeping.” He says, crouching beside you. “Then I’ll run away.” You say, looking up at Jungkook. His eyes darken, a frightening frown pulling at his lips.

Then he’s lifting you up by your hair, dragging you down the hall to your shared room. “Let me go!” You beg, back burning from the carpet where your shirt has ridden up. “Clearly you need to learn a thing or two about trying to leave me.” Jungkook says. Your heart sinks, clawing at his arm to no avail. “Please.” You say, a sob slipping past your lips as he opens the door. “Please!” You beg, louder.

“I need to get you back in check, baby. I’m in charge and you’re not. You never will be.”

A/n: I hope y’all like this, I honestly am really excited for this

Permanent taglist (open):

@viankiss @lizzymizzy-blogg @teddymoon06 @rln-byg @skyys-universe

Series taglist (open):

[phanfictioncatalogue]

Monthly Follower Recs

Monthly follower recommendations for the month of December 2024

blown again into instant flame (ao3) - jonsaremembers

Summary: Dan reappears in the corner of Phil’s vision, wearing the green suit.

I’m fucked, is all Phil can think.

Because Dan is awfully fit for someone stuffed bodily into a green morph suit. Even the way the hood squashes his curls down and out over his forehead is kind of adorable.

decaf coffee (ao3) - ShiwiSins (IetjeSiobhan)

Summary: Dan doesn’t know this is a thing they’ll be doing today until Phil is already naked on the bed, looking up at him with wide eyes, and he thinks, almost frantically, I want to put a baby in him.

Delicate (ao3) - easybubbyy

Summary: Phil reveals a hidden desire to be treated more femininely by Dan, particularly drawn to Dan's masculinity and how he looks in sleeveless shirts. Dan indulges Phil's desires, leading to a passionate evening of trust, affection, and deep connection.

Holding On For Just Tonight (ao3) - definitelynotczargasm

Summary: The night before Dan leaves for the American leg of WAD, he suffers a little crisis of faith. As always, Phil is there to help him through it.

i'd do me (ao3) - megiaolf

Summary: Dan is bored and comes across some saucy polaroids.

Impressions (ao3) - ottertrashpalace

Summary: Art museum guard who knows obsessive amounts about art history x nepo baby curator who has never read a book but keeps knocking it out of the park on vibes alone

Interrupted By Sirens (ao3) - SecretLlama_22

Summary: Dan is part of a mission leaving earth with destination of some far away galaxy. He doesn't mind really, leaving earth and all his friends behin. It's his job and he's happy to do it.

But one day they pass an inhabited asteroid field and the inhabitants cause a little trouble in his relationship to his fellow crew member Phil Lester. And, why did this space siren turn into HIM trying to seduce Phil?

Limerence (ao3) - cherryheartz

Summary: Limerence [ li-mer-uhns] noun

1 the state of being obsessively infatuated with someone, usually accompanied by delusions of or a desire for an intense romantic relationship with that person…

Phil Lester is popular. But Dan Howell is not. Dan Howell likes Phil Lester's raven colored hair and ice blue eyes. But so does someone else…

Love Comes Without a Warning (ao3) - beaniebopbaby

Summary: Phil Lester wanted nothing more than to find his soulmate, his other half.

Dan Howell could not care less about finding his.

of fated encounters and hand-made soulmates (ao3) - ShiwiSins (IetjeSiobhan)

Summary: He’s smiling at Phil, like this entire embarrassing scene is just the opening meet-cute of a low quality rom-com, and Dan dislikes him immediately.

Or: They keep running into the same guy. Phil thinks it's fate. Dan thinks he'd like to see him piss off.

our lips must always be sealed (ao3) - uhmyeah

Summary: dan and phil have silly tour sex

santa baby (ao3) - ShiwiSins (IetjeSiobhan)

Summary: “Tell me,” Dan purrs, “have you been nice or naughty this year?”

Or: Dan dresses up in a sexy Santa outfit.

Soccer Dads (ao3) - phantropolis

Summary: Dan accompanies Phil to their son’s soccer practice for the first time, only to discover that the soccer mums flirt with a very oblivious Phil in very obvious ways. Featuring jealous!Dan and their son, Jack, who is a surprisingly talented player.

the metaphors of desire (ao3) - cityofphanchester

Summary: The elbow of Dan’s jacket is smooth leather, stitched on, an unexpected contrast from the woolly fabric around it. His mouth is soft and his body is warm and Phil breaks away with a choked gasp of air.

“Shit,” Dan says, and his big warm hand drops away from Phil’s jaw, and he’s gone.

(in which they're both english professors)

The Nightmare of Chemistry (ao3) - Merrydith

Summary: Dan and Phil have amazing chemistry. They've built their entire lives around their dynamic. But Dan is lonely and decides to start dating to fill the desire in his heart - but everyone he brings home is too intimidated by Dan and Phil's connection. One day, Phil unknowingly gives him an idea that could change the game. Will Dan finally find someone comfortable enough to compete with what Dan and Phil have? Or will Dan have to realize that maybe what he has been looking for was in front of him the entire time?

The Very Thought of You (ao3) - thatgeekygirl13

Summary: His fingers whizzed across the black and white keys of the old piano. He smiled while sweat dripped down his brow. Dan had always felt like the piano was just an extension of himself, the music becoming a part of him.

The crowd clapped viciously as the final song came to a close. Dan smiled and looked up over the piano, glancing across the crowd. Then, right in the back corner, his gaze stopped on a man he didn’t recognize.

Or

1940s AU where Dan Howell is a struggling, but talented pianist and Phil is a literature/writing/linguistics professor and they meet by chance at a hidden gay bar and really uhh hit it off idk I'm still writing it

[asirensrage]

Limerence

Title: Limerence

Fandom: Tokyo Revengers

Rating: T?

Pairing: Haitani Rindou x Unnamed!Undescribed!FemaleOC

Word count: 1.5k

Warnings: Swearing. Slight obsession. A little stalking. Voyerism? Unbeta'd

Summary: It feels like forever since he’s seen her like this. Maybe that’s because of juvie but…he’s missed it. He doesn’t even know her name. 

Notes: This is the cutest thing I've written in a long time. I hope you enjoy it. I did. It's from his pov. Please let me know what you think.

TR masterlist

“You staring at her again?”

“Fuck off,” he says, not looking back towards his brother. He’s leaning against the window slightly, gaze soft as he watches her in her apartment. They’ve lived across from each other for years. He can hear the soft thump of the bass of the music she’s blasting. It’s not loud enough for him to make out what song it is, but she’s jumping around and dancing, singing along as she cooks. It feels like forever since he’s seen her like this. Maybe that’s because of juvie but…he’s missed it. He doesn’t even know her name. 

His brother leans in, face next to his, looking to where his gaze is lingering. “She’s still cute. You think she knows she has a stalker?”

Rindou shoves Ran away. “Fuck off,” he snarls. “I’m not a stalker.”

“No? You’ve been obsessed with her since you first noticed her.” 

He tries not to flush in embarrassment. Of course Ran knew that. His brother knew everything that went on in Rindou’s life and it was both amazing and awful. The two of them did everything together but this…this was something that was only Rindou’s. At least it was supposed to be.

Rindou gets up, moving away from the window, despite the fact that his mind is still on the way she moves so freely. Her blinds are always open during the day as if she has no care that people can see her. He wants to know what clubs she goes to, if he can find a way to meet her naturally on the street. He wants to feel her pressed up against him, smiling at him the way she does as her pet. He wants to know what she’s like in real life…if she’s as outgoing in real life as she looks. 

Ran laughs. “Why don’t you just go knock on her door? Tell her you’ve been watching her and think she’s cute!” Rindou ignores him and leaves, slamming the door shut behind him. 

He’ll never admit how much he thinks about her. Especially not to Ran. He does though. He daydreams sometimes about what it would be like to be in her apartment with her, to see her dancing in his kitchen as he plays music for her. He thinks about taking the headphones off from around his neck, placing them gently on her head and playing one of the songs he’s created. He wants to know what she thinks about it, if she likes it, if it would make her move…

🎧

So when he does finally, literally, run into her outside on the street, completely by accident, Rindou is struck silent when she grins at him and apologizes. She raises her eyebrows, her smile growing a little wider as she looks at him. 

“You alright?”

“What? Yeah!” he says, head shaking slightly as he tries to pull himself out of the shock. His cheeks heat as he realizes he’s making a fool out of himself in front of her. “It’s fine, don’t worry about it,” he tries to recover. He grins at her, “You good?”

She looks at him like she’s aware that he’s trying to play it off. “I’m good,” she agrees.

He clears his throat and looks away, wanting to run a hand through his hair. He stops himself though, shoving his hands in his pockets and grateful that Ran isn’t with him to see this train wreck. “You uh…live near?” he asks, lying through his teeth like he doesn’t know exactly where she lives. Fuck. Ran is right. He is a stalker. 

“Yeah,” she says but doesn’t elaborate. He can’t blame her. 

“Me too. My brother and I live in that building over there.” He points it out, partly to reassure her he’s not some random creep and partly because he wants her to know. He wants her to be as curious about him as he is about her. 

“Oh!” She blinks in surprise. “Really? How long have you lived there? Did you just move in?”

“Ah…” he’s pretty sure she breaks his heart with that question. “No, we…we’ve lived there for years.”

“Really? I’ve never seen you around before,” another strike to his heart. “-nd I usually see a lot, I would’ve noticed you-” She pauses before she covers her mouth like she didn’t intend to say it out loud.” Never mind. His heart might just be repaired.  “I mean, walking my dog,” she says quickly. “I usually see a lot of people when I take him out.” 

“I would’ve noticed you too,” he says, grinning a little wider. 

She bites her lip at that, looking away. Fuck, she’s cute. Cuter in person too. Especially when she’s clearly flustered by him. 

“I’m Rindou,” he introduces himself. He doesn’t know if she knows what he and his brother do, or why they’re famous in Roppongi, but he doesn’t want her scared off before he gets the chance to know her. 

“Hi Rindou,” she says, voice a little softer, a little sweeter. It’s enough to make his stomach clench. 

“Hi,” he repeats, not looking away. He just wants to lean down, to see if she tastes as good as he imagined considering how much fucking better she was in person already. 

She introduces herself, saying a name that he repeats twice just to make sure he memorizes it and to cherish the way it sounds and feels when he says it. If he thinks about how good their names sound together, or how good hers sounds with his last name…he’d rather die before he admits that to anyone. 

“You just coming home?” he asks, motioning to the cloth grocery bag she’s carrying. 

“Yeah, just did some shopping. You?”

“Nah, heading to the gym. You…can I take you out sometime?” He asks before he loses his nerve and before his brother can show up and whisk her away without even meaning to. Is she single? He never considered her not being so, but it’s fine. If she isn’t he can deal with that. One way or another. 

She blinks at him in surprise before she tries to stop herself from smiling. He grins at the tension in her cheeks and how she’s dragging her teeth over her bottom lip again. He really wants to taste it. 

“Um, yeah,” she says, finally giving into the smile. It’s like being faced with the sun. Bright and warm and renewing. She nods as if to reaffirm her choice. “Yeah,” she repeats. “Maybe we can exchange numbers first? Then plan something? I wouldn’t want to keep you from the gym.”

“It can wait,” he says, digging out his phone from his pocket. He unlocks it, opens his contacts and hands it over to her. 

She takes it and his fingers slide against hers as she does. They feel soft and warm, and he has to shove down the automatic thought of how soft her skin probably is in other areas….or how her hands would feel touching him. 

He watches as she types in her name and her number. She calls herself before she hands it back, refusing the call on her own phone as he takes it. 

“Now I have your number too,” she smiles softly. 

“Good,” he says, meaning it completely. “Good.” He stares at her for a moment, wishing he could say more but he knows he can’t. He doesn’t want to freak her out and he really, really, doesn’t want to ruin this. Not when he’s finally talking to her. 

“Okay, Rindou, I…I should go in. Put this in the fridge.”

He takes a deep breath and nods. “Yeah, right. I should…I’m meeting a friend,” he says. “A guy friend. We work out together,” he explains quickly, not wanting her to get the wrong idea. 

She giggles slightly at him and he tries to burn the memory of the sound into his brain. He wants to hear it again. He wants to hear every sound she makes. “Okay,” she says, grinning at him. “Text me when you have time.”

“I will,” he promises like he’s not going to have to quell the urge to message her immediately once they part ways. “Say hi to your dog for me.”

“I will,” she says, biting her lip again. She’s going to drive him crazy. He knows it. He’s going to fantasize about her lips and the way she might leave bite marks on him. Okay, he really needs to leave before he does something stupid. 

“Okay,” he says because he doesn’t actually want to say goodbye. 

She grins again. “Bye Rindou.”

“Bye,” he sighs before he realizes what he’s done. He clears his throat and looks away, cheeks heating in embarrassment again. He grins sheepishly and rubs the back of his neck. She laughs lightly before turning and leaving. Rindou watches her go before he has to shake the thoughts out of his head and he forces himself to head to the gym. He needs the distraction now…if only to keep himself from gloating that he has a date with his dream girl. He can’t wait. 

everything taglist: @raith-way @zeleniafic @veetlegeuse  @chickensarentcheap @residentdormouse @themaradwrites @kingsmakers @far-shores

also @sxrvivc who listens to me ramble about TR and all my writing for it lol

And the Network: @enchantedforest-network

[jessthetea]

This is gonna be long & my opinion. I think Jess realized that she fucked up when she posted that tribute to Liam (3 weeks late at that) & due to Jamie’s mother’s comment and Jamie’s post the morning after she can’t delete it because if she did, it will look more suspicious. I believe she exposed herself, & even more exposed the true relationship that she & Jamie were supposed to be before she exposed them. She was so engulfed in craving attention on her connection to Liam from the fact that she was not getting any engagement on her page & was becoming irrelevant because Jamie was not giving her content anymore (so she took that hook-up that she had with Liam and twisted it to her narrative to get attention) that she did stupidly forget that Jamie’s mom & brother was following her & due to his mom being confused about her, her work & her connection to Liam, she exposed her true relationship with Jamie & his family. She basically told on herself that Jamie doesn’t have her around his family because what committed & loving relationship where your boyfriend‘s family hardly knows who you are or what your job is? I’ve seen Jamie’s other exes, & his parents/brother knew who his girlfriends were so it’s pretty odd that they hardly know who Jess is, that’s red flag #1. Red flag #2, to me leads to signs that she wasn’t supposed to be a serious long-term girlfriend, #1 Like I just said his family hardly knows who she is, another one, in the three years they have been dating to my knowledge, when did Jamie publicly say that he loves Jess? He may have mentioned her in conventions & said, bless her for putting up with him (which sounds like something she would say to him for him to say that because he never said that with his other exes from what I remember until he ended up with her) but has failed to say the L word about her? Jess stans would have an excuse & say he doesn’t have to say it out loud when he can say it in private, but he has publicly said he loves his ex-girlfriends on social media when he was with them, so again odd that he never said he loves Jess & if he’s not able to say in public 50-50 chance he’s even saying it to her in private. I think they weren’t a couple when they were together in 2021. I believe it was a fling to where she was a distraction & that he had limerence for her to get over his break up with Ruby, so it wasn’t supposed to go public & then once he was over his break up & whatever they agreed on he more likely was gonna break it off, Jess may have agreed to it, knowing that Jamie didn’t want anything serious with her & was even lucky to get his attention to get in bed with her so she definitely exposed them on the beach, so Jamie’s back was against the wall so where he couldn’t help but confirm that they were together even though it was months later. No committed boyfriend will wait months to confirm or claim you. (not saying that Jamie was just using her to make him seem bad. I’m sure that he thought he liked her but it wasn't anything serious). Like the first year that they were publicly dating it does seem like they were happy but was probably due to Jamie trying to make it work & thought that he liked her but as you can see it went downhill pretty fast. Also, the fact that she was stalking him since 2015 & even followed his girlfriend at the time Matilda until they broke up in 2018? She planned all of this. So I feel like they weren’t even a couple & if they were, it wasn’t supposed to be long-term until Jess exposed it having Jamie stuck & now Jamie probably for a very long while sees her true colors now, knowing what a narcissist she is & that tweet that he posted a day after is proof in my eyes that he dislikes her now & is done with her. So she stupidly exposed herself even more, & Jamie put salt in the wound. It also tells me that if he was able to passive-aggressively throw shade at her there is something that’s keeping him from officially leaving her. How can you stay with someone that you don’t acknowledge or be around them & throw shade at?

All solid points, and every bit of it is loaded with red flags. Whatever’s keeping Jamie from making a clean break with her is hard to pinpoint, but it seems like the chaos Jess Moloney has stirred up has dragged him in too. I suspect it’s tied to her debt (which has been confirmed by official documents), and as long as he’s tied to that, he might feel he can’t fully walk away. Whatever the case, hopefully it wraps up soon. His birthday should be a telling sign—if she’s not with him then, it’s likely safe to assume they’re done.

[gustavgiles]

Here's a little Vikdecai fic that I hope you enjoy! It's a Viktor-focused story that I wrote 'cus I wanted to see them make up and kiss. Planning a Mordecai-focused followup that may or may not be spicy!

Some Interesting Viktor Facts/Theories that got into my brain doing a Viktor-focused read of the comic while writing this:

Lackadaisy Anodyne provides a wealth of information about Viktor's family:

He gets letters from his daughter, but *only* his daughter, not from his wife. My read on this is that his wife broke things off with him, rather than the other way around (like Viktor telling them to leave because he wanted them safe or something); that seems like the more likely situation if she's no-contact with Viktor.

His daughter sends him 1-2 letters a year; assuming that she started writing him when he split up with his wife, then that places the breakup at just before 1921 or 1922, depending on what year you think the half-hidden postcard is from.

The Palmer Raid precipitating the riot where Viktor lost his eye, then was arrested and bailed out by Atlas happened January 1920, which about lines up with the time he split up with his wife. I think Viktor going to prison and falling in with Atlas was the inciting incident for Viktor's wife leaving him; my headcanon is she didn't feel like he was able to provide for his family anymore, and was dragging them into a dangerous criminal element.

VIKTOR HAS A CONFIRMED THIRD UNKNOWN PERSON IN HIS PAST THAT I NEVER SEE ANYBODY TALK ABOUT! Alena (his daughter)'s 1926 letter to him reads: "Dear Father, Hello! This is my photo from the start of the school year. I wear my hair much shorter now, and so I wanted to show you. I can't believe it's already the holiday season! Will you write back? You don't have to write in English if you don't like to. I can ask Mama or Tala to translate. Merry Christmas, Alena" WHO THE HELL IS TALA?? Did Viktor's wife re-marry? Did Viktor emigrate with someone else? Is it just some random person in the Slovak community that Alena knows? QUESTIONS. (also this implies that Alena doesn't speak Slovak. I wonder if that hurts Viktor a little.)

Viktor HASN'T OPENED ANY OF ALENA'S LETTERS UNTIL NOW. Why? Does it hurt too much? Can he not find the time? It can't be that he doesn't care about his daughter because he saves the picture of her. STOP PUSHING PEOPLE AWAY VIKTOR, LET OTHER PEOPLE MAKE YOU HAPPY

Viktor's wearing what appeared to be Allied gear in Lackadaisy Scrapbook. Slovakians would have been part of the Central Powers, so it seems that Viktor emigrated (with his wife?) to America far before the events of Lackadaisy, and went to war against his own country. He probably had a more difficult time in the war than most people.

Viktor's birthday is Apr. 16, also from Lackadaisy Scrapbook. Maybe some day in the future Mordecai will look up his birthday via his arrest records and make him a little cake???

Tracey describes younger Viktor as "robust and amorous" in an old Q&A which certainly does not describe the current Viktor. He must've been happy and carefree at some point :(.

Tracey also talks a little about how she sees Viktor in another Q&A: "sometimes, drawing snarly Viktor expressions is my favorite thing because I’m thinking of Viktor’s superficially powerful, animal anger and how it only ever ricochets back, making him smaller by increments…" Which is a description that just really resonates with me. He wasn't *always* this sad and angry and lonely, the world's just chipped away at him over the years until he's a raw bundle of nerves. CAN YOU TELL I'M OBSESSED WITH VIKTOR I CAN FIX HIM

[strawberrystepmom]

I would love to receive a zodiac reading from you, Angel! (If possible of course)✨ this is such a cool event! I am feeling spicy, so a steamy request it is! My signs are:

Gemini moon

Scorpio sun

Leo mars

Neptune Capricorn

Scorpio Venus

Thank you so much for hosting this! ❤️❤️

i would love to!! i'm so happy people are asking questions, honestly. they're taking me a bit to get through because i wanna really make them special and thankfully everyone has been pretty nice about that lol

So, I’ve said it a few other times but it bears repeating - what we look for with respect to sexuality/sexiness in astrology is really just how you communicate your outward desire. We also look at how this plays into your willingness to try new things, your appetites, your desires even the ones you keep secret.

That being said my eyes honed in on that Scorpio Venus/Leo Mars combination very quickly because it’s an interesting combination of light and dark, so to speak, to have to balance within yourself. 

For your Scorpio Venus, sex is about emotion even more than it is physicality. I’m not saying this is true 100% of the time or that someone with a Scorpio placement here wouldn’t hook up with people for fun but I will say those are experiences they’re seeking to intentionally keep shallow when they happen. These people will not be given the capacity and depth of a Scorpio’s care, love, or freak. This is a placement that finds itself capable of being deeply infatuated with people so it keeps its cards close to its chest. It’s safer to keep to yourself, to keep people guessing, to not give them too much so you can maintain control of the situation.

Then that godforsaken Leo Mars comes in. 

I too am a Leo Mars with a prominent Scorpio placement so can relate to the struggle of not wanting to be perceived (Scorpio’s desire) vs wanting to be Viewed and Adored (Leo’s desire). People get weird about it when you say that Leo’s want to be adored - well they do. Whether you like it or not, one of the core principles Leo goes by in life is “I am here and you will experience me.” That doesn’t automatically translate to extroverted or even extra in general but it creates a person who likes to draw eyes. Who likes to be, well, viewed. Coveted. Adored. Lusted after, so on and so forth. 

For Scorpio this is a nightmare scenario because not only is it probably experiencing limerence over a person you just met at a bar, Leo is encouraging it. You’re smacking your lips together and smiling at this person in that delectably coy way Leo does. You may as well be licking your chops. Your body and your head are telling you let’s go and your head is saying what in fresh hell is wrong with you, stop this now.

This is the Scorpio-Leo struggle. 

Thankfully you have some stellar supportive placements to keep Scorpio from making you too intense. Intense in bed, with the right person, oh absolutely - they are about to be given the blessing of a lifetime but intense in general? Not really. 

Actually let’s delve into that for a sec then move on. Scorpio (of which you are both Sun and Venus) loves the taboo aspects of the world. When I think of the most true sense of BDSM, the whips and the chains and the erotic and the control and the leather, I think of Scorpio and people are gonna be like stereotypes!! BUT….some stereotypes exist for a reason. Scorpios tend to excel in an element where they can have a lot of control over things. Not quite as much as, say, Virgo or Capricorn, but they love to call the shots. To be the director. That isn’t a commentary on dynamics or anything of the sort, I’m just suggesting that if you don’t already call some of the shots - try it. This doesn’t mean domming someone by next Tuesday but suggest a scene and describe exactly how you want it to be. See what comes out of it because you may be surprised just how free you feel when you know just what to expect.

Okay, moving on.

Gemini Moon softens the moodiness of Scorpio a lot because it’s so bubbly and Leo will “it’s not that deep” you off a cliff if it must. Gemini, and Moon especially, can also make a person experimental. It’s inherently curious. It wants to know how everything works. This is true of sex as well although that sensitive, deep, introspective Scorpio likely encourages you to save most of the experimentation for someone you really trust and have a deep bond with. That doesn’t mean not having sex just that you aren’t gonna be calling just any old guy on the street on the street daddy.

[blueskiestarot]

Hello blueskies tarot! First of all I would like to say that I really love your readings and I’m finally caught up on all of them heheh. 🌷🌷

But recently I’ve been having a really strange experience and I would love to share my story and hopefully get insight or an answer from someone reading this and to see if someone had the same experience.

I’ve been having a huge crushes and infatuation on someone who was inaccessible to me, but the weird thing I always kept receiving signs and messages that this person is for me and that they will make a move towards me really soon, like for example in one of your readings it said they are coming towards me and the description fit this person exactly along with other signs like repeating numbers.

This is not the first time this thing happens to me, it happened before where I would start receiving many signs related to a certain person telling me that they are my soulmate and then after a few weeks a revelation happens and I figure out that this person is not for me. This has made me feel very hopeless, stuck and delusional. I felt like I can’t trust the universe and that all the guidance I received from spirit is deceptive. Honestly I feel like there’s something wrong. Why does spirit keep showing me signs and syncs that lead to a dead end? It happened several times before, where I discovered the truth of the situation and then the signs stopped then kept coming back referring to another. Is spirit leading me on?

This has been wrecking my mental health really bad, I’m starting to feel hopeless because I just keep engaging in limerence.

The last time this happened I frantically opened an online tarot deck and picked a random spread I got a card, but I can’t remember which one that said what seems to be random might not be random at all.

The only conclusions I can come up with are either that I’m interpreting the signs wrong, or I’m engaging with a deceptive spirit that’s pretending to be my spirit guide or in a false matrix.

However I really doubt that I’m interpreting the signs wrong because all of them have keys that point to something specific about each person.

Thank you if you’ve read this far. I really don’t know what to do, I feel so hopeless about my love life, and I’m scared to believe any signs that I receive from the universe :(

Hi, love!

I'm sorry you're going through that and feeling confused. I hope I can help! Just know that these thoughts are purely my opinion and my own experiences. ♥️

So, first of all, when you start to feel like your mental health is being negatively impacted by readings, that is a clear sign that it's time to take a break from reading and/or watching readings for awhile. I would suggest taking a week off and trying to avoid pick a pile readings as much as possible. You can always come back to them after that and see if things have changed or if you are in a better head space. Never consume media that is making you feel bad in any way.

Secondly, it's SOOOOOO important to use your discernment when reading pick a pile readings. These readings rely heavily on your intuition because you're picking the pile you are intuitively drawn to. So, if you know that a connection with someone is not possible, I think it would be safe to say that the reading is not for you even if it sounds like the person you are connecting with. Keep in mind that many people pick the same pile as you. So, they may be dealing with similar people. Just think of how many people you've met that could be described using the same description, you know? So, just be super weary of if it really sounds like that person or if it's a general description and you just want it to be them. Again, it's all about being self-aware and using your discernment.

It's also important to note when you are infatuated with someone as opposed to having a real connection with them. If it's someone you've never talked to and the reading says they are thinking of marriage with you, that's a clear indicator that the reading is not for you. So, use your judgement to know when messages are for based on what is going on in your connection. One of my favorite readers on YouTube is Shadow Play Tarot and she always includes a "delulu checkpoint" in her videos when she says something that she feels may mislead someone into giving into delusions. It's just a checkpoint to sort of bring you back to reality and check in with your current situation so that you can ask yourself "does this really resonate with me or do I just want it to?" Readings should never tell you how you feel or what's going to happen. They should simply confirm what you already know and/or feel. So, for example, if I had a connection that seemed to have ended on bad terms and the other person seemed to hate me but a reading said that they were going to come back in a week, I would ask myself "is that really true based on what I know to be true?" I hope that makes sense. I guess what I'm trying to say is that you should see evidence in real life of what the reading is trying to tell you or it should confirm your intuitive feelings.

Always check in with yourself and observe how a reading is making you feel. If it's triggering or doesn't confirm what you already feel, then it's not for you.

Also, detachment is your friend. Sometimes we're too close to the situation and can't see what is actually going on. I feel like we can manifest what could be mistaken as signs from spirit by thinking heavily of someone. So, if you are constantly thinking of a person and are completely lost in the sauce when it comes to them, you could potentially manifest seeing signs of them in your outside world. Try detaching from them for a bit by distracting yourself with other things. If you're still seeing the signs, then they are likely from Spirit.

Lastly, in my own opinion, I do not think that Spirit is above lying to us in order for us to learn a lesson or to get us to do what they want. So, if you are meant to learn a specific lesson from someone but they aren't "your person", I fully believe they will lie and trick you into believing that person is for you until you've learned that lesson. Same goes if someone IS for you. If you're too attached and f*cking up the connection by overthinking, being super fearful, or doubtful, they will trick you into believing you need to let it go in order to get you to detach so that your energy is not sabotaging things. So, my point is that Spirit can and will manipulate you into believing something so that they can guide you toward learning a specific lesson or toward doing a certain action. It's all done in the name of your highest good but that doesn't change that the fact that they are lying and manipulating you. It's not malicious at all. So, if you do feel like you are being lied to in a malicious way like there is a spirit posing as your spirit guide, make sure you are clearing the energy out of your space regularly and make sure you are protecting your energy as well.

I hope that helps somewhat! And if anyone else has any advice, that would so helpful! 🫶 Love, Tara

[hopesandmountains]

So I still have limerent thoughts that occur and one important thing to recognize is that limerent thoughts are typically a coping mechanism when you feel overwhelmed.

Limerent thoughts are soothing, but if you recognize that you are having limerent thoughts, try to stop for a bit and monitor you mental state. Just take a breathe, put aside any limerent thoughts you have for the moment, and really just let yourself feel what you are currently feeling in the moment.

I typically have limerent thoughts when feeling overwhelmed, however it’s limerent thoughts are just a general escape for your current mental state and emotions, so try and take a second to see what is going on with you.

Personally, I have a troubled home life that there is no easy escape from, unprocessed trauma, and general unhappiness with life (that I’m typically in denial about).

So yeah I daydream, I fantasize, and I imagine a better life.

But there’s a certain point where I am just avoiding my current mental state and am just coping to get through the day. And there’s nothing wrong with that, but maybe there is when it happens a bit too frequently.

And it’s not like I wasn’t making steps towards making my life better. I was making progress in both my mental state and career, and the fantasizing wasn’t even the problem, it was just the overwhelm that made it really difficult to focus and complete even simple chores.

And that’s where I am at currently. I’ve been trying to work around the overwhelm and piling up mental health issues, but it’s at a point where I can’t avoid that mental state and still accomplish what I want to to live the life that I want.

Obviously moving out and having a safe space for me to go home to will help immensely, but I don’t think I should wait any longer to try and address my mental state.

And sometimes that just means escaping to the park or library. Volunteering helps to get away and have a group of people to talk to, and I had a club I was apart of (until I quit recently). Just finding ways of escaping a stressful environment does wonders, since as a kid I always felt trapped and stuck in the idea that I had to stay.

It’s liberating to realize that you can just leave when you feel that feeling of overwhelm and stress start to occur (just make sure you go to a safe place when feeling that way).

It’s also liberating to know that you can find ways of calming your mental state in healthy ways.

Meditating helps. Just being able to monitor your thoughts and give yourself guidance when you feel your emotions are getting out of hand.

Journaling works for the same reason. It helps you write out all of your thoughts (I like to draw them out) and it really helps you know what is going on mentally when you aren’t always just able to tell yourself what’s going on in your subconscious.

And really you just have to find what works for you. This post is really just about empowering you to at least try and make an effort to manage that feeling you have been avoiding.

For me it took a lot of trying and failing. And things were a bit more difficult at times. But you really have to see what works for you, and just starting to try and think about it will help you start to brainstorm and through time eventually work through what has been so difficult that you’ve been avoiding.

A lot of times that ties back to childhood trauma, and that’s never easy to resolve. For some people it may never be resolved. And I think everybody should work with a therapist or licensed practitioner if possible, but especially if you are someone who has PTSD or triggering events.

Because trying to face that on your own could lead to you being triggered and that could lead to spiraling or reliving something you are not ready for. I still think you should try and face what you’ve been avoiding, but with help and guidance. Talk to a therapist about what you are feeling and let them help.

[mod-doodles]

Claire probably suffers from Limerence…

I’m not as articulate as you girlies, so here goes nothing and I tried to think outside of my Sydcarmy biases.

When we meet Claire at the fridge red flag 🚩 numero uno: Carmen does not remember her name or possible her. If he was in love with her as suggested in ‘forks’ I’d think he would remember her especially if he drew her. I never forget muses cause you’re essentially studying every detail of that persons face barring major changes but she looks like her childhood photos and the drawing from the panic attack.

We then get the dialogue about her job and how it isn’t chill, and he wants to know why she chose that considering the intensity. Then she tells the story about Katy breaking her arm and we get to a fundamental difference in who they are: she wants to explore how things work while he wants to fix things and make them better. Not a red flag just a core human belief that may pose difficulty in a relationship.

He consciously gives her the wrong number (flag on the play) he hesitates at the end.

Next episode we get the fake number debacle that she can’t let go of, babe read the room. Yes your feelings should have been hurt and you should have put your big girl pants and move on. Why are you threatening someone to date you 🚩, he’s hesitating again. She’s so weird about it and she probably thinks it’s endearing and cute but its off putting.

Then we hear about deceased Big Denny and her mom who absolutely thriving. She says that she didn’t want to talk about Michael because she didn’t want to make him sad but the way she discussed the living and dead seemed abhorrent considering he has a recently deceased brother.

From there on out everything she proceeds to do and ignore rings so many alarms. She’s actively ignoring everything because she has had this idealised version of what this attractive chef man with tattoos is like.

Probably thought about her wedding and life without being present and noting how she and this boy are so fundamentally different. That’s the only way I can empathise with her saying she’s loves him when all their interactions were so hollow. She’s fallen in love with a idea that she’s held unto from her childhood. But he doesn’t remember you and doesn’t reciprocate the same effort or energy because he’s no longer that boy and you’re both different and it’s not meant to be and that’s ok.

At least her friend was there so she has a shoulder to cry on after being hurt because she was purposely obtuse. So it’s full circle for her and her friend, just like it’s full circle on her and Carmy’s relationship that started and ended at the fridge.

One other thing that stuck out was the song that’s playing when they finally have that conversation in the car, the one line that stuck out was ‘I make you so unhappy’ - ‘Anytime’ by Neil Finn. It stands out because at that point the there’s a lull in dialogue. The editors are so funny.

[smilesession]

ok but obsessive people have ruined my life by harming me and raping me

If you have followed me for any length of time you’d know about my history being abused and sexually assaulted and I think in general you can assume that this is a wildly inappropriate thing to launch at someone’s inbox. And specifically a cruel and inappropriate misread, implicitly conflating a tongue-in-cheek post about limerence (an experience directly brought upon by CPTSD, which comes about as a result of being a victim of repeated, chronic physical violence) with “you are like a rapist” is bizarre. I’m not going to tell you i don’t care because I do care that this happened to you and you have my empathy, but I don’t really know why you’re choosing to express this to me in this way and I’m fairly offended. I’m sorry if something about that post was triggering to you, but it was accidental and contained no encouragement of harmful actions, this message is in turn triggering to me and I don’t think you should go around reacting to people online like this

[74ellebelle]

I need to be more open and honest with the peeps in my life. When I try even with the person who is emotionally available to me~ sometimes it falls short. Sometimes I don’t say everything I need to say. I try though. Dude, do I try! I have mentioned some concerns about crazy shit that probably could have been put on the back burner~ but I wanted my hubby to not be blindsided by my whacked outness. So I tried to bring up my tf again to him the other day. Cryptic much? Tf=twin flame. The conversation didn’t go well cuz he thought I was minimizing my relationship with him. :/ surreal blank expression inserted here. I’m going to try and bring it up again….. cuz I feel this on a deep level. I do want deeper intimacy in my life. I’m having a really difficult time the last two weeks ish. I see my therapist on the 4th. I’ll bring this shit up to my therapist. In the meanwhile~ I’ll just keep on smushing my feelings for a bit longer. It’s been a fuckin decade dude. Wtf. Tf’s are constantly on your mind. I’m having extra thoughts and feelings arise and I already have enough issues with identifying my feelings. I need to meditate more. That was on my vision board too. I wrote the word nurture WRONG on my board~ I need to fix it. Nuture is not a word apparently. Lol

I need to nurture my soul. Nurturing my soul means being true to myself. I’m not always true to myself. Sometimes I even lie to myself. Smh

I KNOW it wasn’t limerence. I feel it to my core that it wasn’t limerence. Why do I feel like I’m going crazy? The planetary shift? Idk. TF is definitely reading this. Does that mean I’m cheating on my husband?

My husband does have a shirt that reads~ Hopeless Romantic seeks filthy whore. I have told him a grip of times he should have worn that on our first date. I obvi need serious help mentally. Unless you are a twin with a chaser runner dynamic~ you might not understand what the hell any of this means, but it’s semi to moderately painful. I need more sleep. Lately it’s been severely painful. Fuck man. Please send help. Obvi no one can save me other than me.

I told my psycho roommate that the other day. That no one could save her except herself. She’s not a total like psycho -she just has very few boundaries.

I don’t have victim mentality, I just don’t and haven’t in years and years. I am more of a thriver generally. I thrive on life, but I do not stay grounded enough. I need to ground and meditate.

Note to self: take your own advise!

PS- listen to come undone by Duran Duran if you get a chance. Today is the day that I made up for TFs birthday. He has five planets in Aquarius……. And I knew his birthday was at 8:05 but he didn’t tell me the day or year so I calculated it for myself by KNOWING he had five planets in Aquarius, but I think I might have done it wrong since rising signs aren’t really planets. Idk. I just know he has a stellium in Aquarius…….Aquarius peeps are my fave. That’s part of the reason I started dating my now hubby. He’s an Aquarius and he’s fucking dope. What’s wrong with me?

If we dating, we can’t let miscommunication ruin our bond. We gotta be willing to talk it out, apologize & self reflect

[dranklead]

“It is clear that I must find my other half. But is it a he or a she? What does this person look like? Identical to me? Or somehow complimentary? Does my other half have what I don’t? Did he get the looks? The luck? The love? Were we really separated forcibly, or did he just run off with the good stuff? Or did I? Will this person embarrass me? What about sex? Is that how we put ourselves back together again? Or can two people actually become one again?”

— Hedwig and the Angry Inch

The film Hedwig and the Angry Inch was my first introduction to a self-loving queer experience. I grew up without a loving family, both narcissistic parents, both alcoholics. I was taught that my feelings didn’t matter, and I was put into this world to regulate theirs. In my early 20s, I started understanding the true meaning of this film and began my journey to fulfilment; to feel whole is to love myself. 

Cut to five years later. I’m nowhere near that goal, but one thing I never stopped doing is showing up for myself every single day. Unfortunately, this journey has developed a bad habit of hyper-independence, and as a consequence, I’ve become increasingly lonely. I’ve cultivated great friendships, but as someone who’s never been touched lovingly, being 25 years old can feel like an eternity. 

Being in the early stages of my transition makes this whole existence quite challenging to navigate. In the past, I relied on limerence and daydreaming to get me through my deep longing and yearning, but now even my imagination feels stunned, a writer’s block, you might say. 

Imagine this.

Ginger hair, well groomed, a hoop earring on the left ear. Over 6-foot and with the body composition of someone in their late 20s/early 30s, you are into that now; you recognise your own age. An immediate annoyance is brewing in your chest as you glance towards him.

You immediately think: “Oh well, he isn’t meant for me. Some people have been put here to be pretty and be looked at”.

You have obligations that put you in his sphere. He’s unavoidable now, and your gaze keeps wanting to turn to him like an unwanted magnet. When in a group, you throw glances in his direction. You do it because he’s attractive, but you’re not too sure what you gain from this constant game with yourself. There is no prize.

Then, the two of you are left on your own. Crap. You gravitate towards his attractiveness once again, so you engage in awkward conversation— oh wait. He gravitates towards you and asks you a question.

“I’m so sorry. Do you mind if I ask where your accent is from?” Comes out with an Aussie twang as he looks down at me.

I am 5’3, by the way.

“Guess” I say.

It seems like he was expecting a straight-on answer, and he rummages through his mind for a sensible reply: “I honestly have no idea.”

You give in and tell him. Usually, that question bothers you, but you are both foreigners to this country, so his curiosity feels genuine. 

Back and forth, the conversation keeps going. He is so upsettingly sweet— God, this is not fair.

You are now in your bed, days later, still thinking about that interaction. See, you have been on many dates, talked to plenty of strangers, and are used to the rules. 

My rules:

This just happened today — To avoid the initial silence, you start the conversation by sharing something interesting about your day connected to something you most likely will have in common: work, studies, the city you live in or if you don’t know much of the person — the weather.

And what about you? — Introducing the previous topics allows you to ask the person if they ever had an experience similar to yours, and it sets up an easy-to-navigate dynamic that will only fuel your loneliness. It is their turn to talk. You are engaged, so you ask them another question. They ask the same question back. You are now the Questioner. You are welcome. 

You are now in Control.

As previously said, you are now in bed. Alone, of course.

Describe the fantasy .

Does he… bend over? To kiss you? Frowning, you try to picture your hands around his waist, but it doesn’t feel right. What height is his waist? Do I look/feel stupid holding him? Why do I look/feel so small? My proportionate broad shoulders look/feel so tiny compared to his physique. Even in this fantasy… would he find me hot? Or cute? Is that cuteness the same you’d feel when petting a dog? 

5’3. Skinny fat. A plump chest. Feminine looking. High-pitched voice. No dick.

And what about sex? How can someone like me put themselves back together with their other half if all I can aspire for is a piece of silicone to hold us together?

And once again I start writing about self-love and fall back into my yearning for connection. This one is about being a trans f*ggot.

[selcouthbuzz]

when you’re actively in my life, everything else feels paused out of my control.

it’s almost 7am, and all i’ve wanted since monday is to talk to you. but i don’t know what to say. the only things i can think to talk about are our relationship and how you’re doing, which doesn’t seem fulfilling.

you stop my heart and remove all the oxygen from my lungs. my bones shake and my brain gets fuzzy, like tv static.

i miss you. i miss who we were when we first met, i miss having firsts with you. like the washing dc trip. i miss who i was before our relationship changed me.

i’m grateful to have learned the lessons in our relationship though. like understanding i feel loved through acts of service mostly, and recognizing how depression can manifest in different ways. your words “closed mouths don’t get fed,” play in my head on loop, and i think i’m decent at communicating my needs currently.

i think about how silly the space between us is. how either of us could easily drop by if we’d just purchase a ticket.

i need you to know that i feel remorse for the way things were handled last year.

the way i ignored you under the guise of being hurt is not okay. the way i was forced to kick you out, manipulated to seem like it was my idea. the way i didn’t try. that’s the most unfair i think. you deserved kindness and understanding and i gave you avoidance and disrespect. i’m deeply ashamed of my actions.

in my defense, my mother was manipulating me. and i fell for it. which isn’t anything new but i thought i had got out of her limerence and i trusted her. i’m sorry that i’m naive. i’m smarting up more everyday. she doesn’t have any true hold on me and she hasn’t since october at the least. if you see signs of it happening again, for the love of god, please tell me.

i know you’re aware i’m moving to tucson, and i know that probably brings on strong emotions for you. look at this way for me?

i grew up there, spent my first 13yrs of life there. the only family that gives any sort of fuck about me, lives there. and also my best friend lives there. not only do i know the area so well that i don’t need to drive, but i have a support system there that i don’t have anywhere else. not only that, but i prefer warmer weather anyways. also, it’s the last place my dad walked the earth. once i get down there i’m going to lay with him for an extremely long and embarrassing amount of time.

the offer still stands btw, when i have my own place you’re more than welcome.

i can’t make you my sole support system, i’ve done it in the past and not only did it create resentment, but it puts too much pressure on one person. you can’t be the only person in my life ever, and i don’t want you to be. you taught me about community when you let me move into the coop with you. and now i’ve had a taste, i want to be surrounded by people that care about and love me. i’m secretly hoping you’re apart of that.

i know the last message i sent you on snapchat was rough, as many of my big paragraphs are. i said something’s about not wanting to be with you in any way, and while that has some truth to it, it’s not all honest.

i don’t know how we build up from here. it’s almost been a full year i’ve been single and it’s taught me that i do really like my own space and that i can pick myself up, i’m reliable to myself. it’s also taught me that distance really doesn’t matter in a breakup, or at all really, because every. single. day. i think about you, whether it’s healing based or just hoping you ate something good.

it’s not that i don’t want you as a partner, because i so much do. it’s that our communication has always been spotty and sometimes i convince myself that we both deserve better. and that it’s hard to build trust when it’s been broken so many times. although, i know you’d risk your life for me depending on circumstances and you know i always reply eventually. in raw realness, i don’t think i took our relationship seriously because i was convinced since 7yrs old that id be dead before i’d ever turn 22. but i’m here, and i plan on staying alive for the most part. and also, i’m scared of the loss of you, which explains why i end up leaving before you can, and it isn’t fair of me to jump to conclusions like that as if you’ve ever told me you wanted to break up. because you haven’t. because every man in my life has proven me right except you, my sweets. you prove me wrong every single day and as humbling as it is, it’s also embarrassing. and embarrassment is a shitty emotion to feel in my opinion.

these are the facts:

i’m sorry. being mentally unstable is hard as you know, and i know it’s worse being the one who catches it all. i’m truly remorseful for causing you emotional whiplash.

i miss you. not just who we were when we met, but the versions of you i have yet to meet. not just your warmth, but the glow you bring with you that lights up rooms. not just your hands, which carry me and the world. not just your voice, but the passion you find deep inside you. i miss you to your core.

and.

i love you. the love has never gone away. no matter how many times i wish it would so we could stop hurting each other. no matter the distances created between us. no matter the harsh words we say in heated moments. not your substance abuse, not mine.

nothing can or will take this love from me. regardless of where we stand, i love you deeply in my soul.

this isn’t me begging or crawling back to you, although it sort of feels that way.