#can you tell i turned autocorrect off my phone

[variantoutcast]

I lobe my mutuals so much

[yellowdevilkitten]

I love(hate, we’ll also love but mostly hate it’s stupid) when I decided I should make this leap on my period or late at night. Like why?? I’ll decide to leave a comment or share my thoughts at night when I’m half asleep and probably am not making sense and typing on my phone and misspelling words so bad like wtf. Why. And then I decided to do something that I kept putting off and was nervous to do on my period why??? Idk. Ask my Brain. Please someone do it for me because ifs not getting through to it. Lol. Idk. I’m tired.

[nvrsaidiwasinurcloset]

okay hi just a warning rq my autocorrect is off bc it autocorrected my friend’s name to fuckin malayalam on accident. i dont like autocorrect.

ANYWAY! ive been listening to my lovely olivia rodrigo lately, specifically her new song obsessed. i wanted to know if you could make a fic with Ethan x fem! reader where readers bitchy friend has this ex (Ethan) and she made him out to be a real dick. like, manipulating and everything.

reader eventually meets him and it turns out that she remembers… a lot about him considering her friend is a constant yapper and cant shut up about him. Ethan actually turns out to be a real cutie patootie and could literally never hurt anyone.

a few days later theyd meet again at some club or party maybe where they end up hitting it off… a little too well.. yeah so she ends up in his bed (smut part, very dom ethan plspls 😛😛). they could be talking about something really random and then reader brings up how her friend basically completely lied about him and said he was a piece of shit when he really wasnt. like a realllll fluffy end before a small cliffhanger thats never gonna get finished where her friend ends up finding out and texting her.

so sorry if thats too long or confusing idk but i actually love your work so much im lowkey your #1 fan. 😍😍😍

HELLO! I switched this up a little, I hope that's okay! 💕

Also, I fucking loved the 'leave it on a cliffhanger part that won't get finished' because WHY IS THAT WHAT I DO lmao

Obsessed - Ethan Landry x Fem!Reader - Part 1

This contains SMUT - Minors DNI

Part 2

Summary: Your friend told you horrible lies about her ex-boyfriend, and once you get to know him, you realize he's not the monster she made him out to be.

Contains: Mentions of a toxic relationship, Dom-ish cocky Ethan, rough-ish sex, oral - f receiving, p in v, fluff (If I missed anything, PLEASE let me know. I'm sleep deprived atm)

A/N: This was the one that pulled me out of my writers block, lmao. It's still not where I want it to be, but I'm TRYING. I'll try to post more this week, but I will be busy so bear with me haha.

You didn’t know Ethan Landry, but you knew you didn’t like him. He used to date one of your friends, and after hearing all the horrible things he’d said and done during their relationship, you thought he was really scummy.

They dated in high school and couldn’t get enough of each other, so they wanted to go to the same college. They broke up right before freshman year started, and after almost a year, she still talked about him every chance she got. She’d tell you how controlling he was. The things he’d call her when he was mad. How he cheated on her. You couldn’t believe that she stayed in the relationship for as long as she did, because she never had anything good to say, except that she loved him.

You’d seen pictures of him, and after walking into one of your classes at the start of the new semester, you saw him in person for the first time. He was so shy as he took his seat in the lecture hall, some of the girls making their little comments about the rumors they’d heard about him. He didn’t seem like the type that would do the things your friend said, but maybe he was just really good at playing innocent. All you knew was that you needed to keep your distance from him.

When you met up with your friend later that day for lunch, you didn’t know if you wanted to bring up Ethan being in the same class as you, but once she brought him up, you decided to tell her.

“Speaking of Ethan…I saw him today,” you said, before taking a bite of your food. Her face dropped as she looked at you.

“Where did you see him?” she questioned. You explained that you saw him in one of your new classes, and she rolled her eyes. “Can you believe he still tries to text me?”

“What I can’t believe is that you haven’t blocked him,” you said, “I know I’d hate to see someone that treated me like shit’s name pop up on my phone.”

She started to giggle as you curiously stared at her. “I have him saved in my phone as ‘Tall loser with a small dick’, so I laugh every time he does text me.”

“That’s not toxic at all,” you said, as you started to think about what she’d said. “Wait, he treated you as bad as he did and has a small dick? What the fuck were you thinking?”

“All he had going for him was that he was cute,” she said, “But seriously, if I were you, I’d stay away from him.”

“Oh, please. Like I’d even want to be near him.”

Your morning wasn’t going as expected. You slept through all of your alarms; you didn’t have time to stop for coffee. You didn’t think your day could get any worse, until you walked into class and noticed the only empty seat available was beside Ethan. You took a deep breath before you walked over and sat down. Once you reached into your backpack, you realized that your laptop wasn’t there. You were in such a hurry when you ran out of your dorm and didn’t even think to grab it.

“Shit,” you whispered, “I’m so stupid.”

“Here,” Ethan said, passing you a notebook and a pen. You curiously looked at him as he offered a weak smile. “I always keep an extra notebook, just in case.”

“Thanks,” you said, a half-smile playing on your lips.

Once class started, you were taking your notes, but you kept glancing over to Ethan. He was so focused on typing that he didn’t notice, but you couldn’t help but wonder if everything your friend told you was true. At that moment, he didn’t seem like a jerk. Then again, he had only spoken a handful of words to you.

Ethan was aware of all the things that were said about him. He hoped that after a few weeks it all would’ve blown over, but once you have an angry ex-girlfriend paint you as some horrible, emotionally abusive asshole, it’s hard to come back from that. He knew that it was best for him to just keep his head down until he was able to transfer to a different school, where no one knew who he was. He was miserable at Blackmore, and he really had no reason to stick around, aside from the few friends he’d made.

After class was over, you tore the pages of notes you’d taken from the notebook to give it back to Ethan.

“Thanks again,” you said, as you handed it back to him.

“You’re welcome,” he said, shoving it back in his backpack. “I thought about just emailing you my notes, but I didn’t know if you’d want that.”

“You’re telling me I didn’t have to spend the last hour trying to write that fast?” you asked, as he flashed you a sweet, genuine smile. “Why wouldn’t someone want that?”

“I don’t know, maybe it’s because most people here hate me,” he said, sliding the straps of his backpack over his shoulders. “You’ve probably heard things about me.”

“Yeah…are they true?” you asked, as he shook his head.

“You’re the first person that’s asked me that. Everyone else just assumes everything is true,” he sighed, “But no, I’m not a bad person.”

You started to feel so guilty. You’d said plenty of bad things about him, but you only heard one side of the story. With your friends’ story changing so many times, getting more dramatic each time she told it, you were starting to realize that it was all bullshit. You still didn’t know exactly what happened, but you were curious to know what the truth was.

“You okay?” Ethan asked, noticing that you were lost in thought as you stood in front of him.

“I’m friends with your ex,” you said, as his smile slowly fell. “What’s the real story?”

He sat back down in his seat as the other students piled out of the room. You sat beside him as you waited for him to speak.

“I really loved her…but she was just so controlling. Then she cheated on me when she went to the beach with her family. I didn’t find out about that until right before we started college,” he said, looking over to you. “She was pissed that I broke up with her, then all these horrible things about me started going around.”

“That’s fucked up,” you said, as he nodded.

“Yeah, she’s still been trying to text me. I finally blocked her a few days ago.”

“Wait, she said you’ve been trying to text her,” you said, his eyes growing wide at your words.

“Her number’s been deleted from my phone for months. I have no interest in talking to her,” he said, “I know this must be weird for you since you are her friend, but I think it’s cool that you wanted to hear me out.”

“Well, I feel like I need to apologize…I’ve said some things about you that weren’t true.”

“She’s a good liar. She has almost the entire school hating me so it doesn’t surprise me that her friend does, too,” he said, as he stood back up.

“I don’t hate you,” you said, smiling at him. “I don’t know if you’d want to, and I know she’d kill me, but if you ever want to hang out sometime, let me know.”

“I’d like that.”

Ethan was kicking himself for not asking you for your number, or shit, even your social media so he could DM you. He thought you were beautiful, but he knew that hoping for a chance with you would be a reach. He really just needed more people in his life that believed him to make the time he still had at the university more enjoyable.

Your friend begged you to come to a random frat party that you didn’t feel like going to in the first place. After your talk with Ethan, you weren’t even sure you wanted to be around her. You still went, and after searching for her for almost an hour, you checked your phone to see a message from her that she wasn’t coming, and that she ran into one of the guys she’d been hooking up with on the way to the party.

“Why the fuck am I even here?” you said to yourself as you locked your phone and slid it into the back pocket of your jeans.

“Hopefully to hang out with me, if your offer’s still good,” you heard from behind you, recognizing Ethan’s voice.

“Hey,” you said as you turned to face him. “I didn’t expect to see the most hated man on campus here.”

“My roommate told me that if I stayed in my dorm tonight, he’d throw my Xbox out the window,” he said, glancing over to the muscular guy that was watching Ethan talk to you.

“Ah, so you were threatened into being social,” you said, as he started to laugh.

“I guess you could say that. Do you want a drink?”

“Sure.”

Ethan wasn’t much of a drinker; you could tell by the sour look on his face every time he took a sip. It gave him a little confidence though, as the two of you talked and got to know each other a little better.

“I don’t think I can drink this anymore,” he said, sitting the cup down on a table. You sat yours down too, and as soon as you did, someone bumped into you, shoving you into Ethan.

“Shit, I’m sorry,” you said, looking up at him. Your chest was pressed closely against his, his hands on your hips from catching you.

“Don’t be sorry,” he said, “You can stay this close to me all night, if you want.”

“Are you always this smooth? Or is it the alcohol?” you questioned as he smirked at you.

“I’m only buzzed,” he said, before he leaned down, placing his lips on yours.

Chad was still watching Ethan from afar, cheering and thrusting his fist in the air once he saw Ethan kiss you. He started to laugh against your lips before he pulled away to stare daggers through his roommate for interrupting the moment.

“I can’t take him anywhere,” Ethan said, as you smiled at him.

“We could go somewhere more private,” you suggested, as he took your hand in his.

“Want to go back to my dorm? He’ll be here for a while so I know we can talk without being interrupted.”

“Sure!”

Once you made it back to Ethan’s dorm, you were starting to think that he really did just want to talk. You enjoyed listening to him, though. He was telling you about all his hobbies and interests, and you were telling him yours. You started to glance around his side of the dorm room, noticing the cliché, dorky things you’d expect to see.

“Nice Star Wars poster, nerd,” you joked, as he smirked at you.

“Oh, I’m a nerd?” he said, as he nudged you back on his bed. He was hovering over you, his mouth inches from yours. The sexual tension got so thick as his eyes looked into yours, his hand rubbing your hip.

“Mhm,” you said, the corner of your bottom lip in between your teeth. “A hot nerd.”

He felt his cheeks start to heat up, and he really didn’t want you to notice, so he leaned down to finally connect his lips to yours. It didn’t take long for the kiss to get more intense, his tongue brushing across your bottom lip. You let him deepen the kiss, his tongue moving with yours as his hands started to roam. You whimpered into the kiss once his hand squeezed your thigh, your hips started to squirm underneath him.

He pulled away but still stayed close so the two of you could catch your breath. You were reading each other’s faces, and it was obvious that you both wanted more.

“How far do you want this to go?” he asked, his breathing still heavy as his eyes looked into yours.

“As far as you want,” you said, your sweet tone making him groan.

“That’s not what I asked you,” he said, as he leaned back down to kiss your neck. His curls were tickling you, but the only reaction you had were the soft moans slipping past your lips from how well his mouth moved. His hips were rutting into yours, showing you how hard he was for you.

“I want you to fuck me,” you said, as he pulled away to look at you.

“You sure?”

“Mhm.”

Ethan was a little, well, very eager. He got you undressed in what felt like seconds, leaving you in just your panties. Once he stripped down to just his boxers, you got a little curious. You glanced down to see his hard cock straining against the fabric, and started to laugh to yourself, your gaze going to the ceiling.

“What’s funny?” he asked, as he hovered back over you to take one of your nipples in his mouth. Your laughing stopped, a gasp slipping out when he started to suck. “I asked you a question,” he teased, before moving to the other side.

“She really does lie about everything,” you said, as his tongue swirled. “She said you had a small dick.”

He started to laugh against you, before he pulled back. “That’s funny, because she couldn’t take it.”

“I can,” you said, his smile turning to a smirk as his hand trailed down your body to rub you over your panties.

“We’ll see about that,” he said, as he moved lower down the bed to position himself between your thighs.

He slid your panties down your legs, before running his fingers over your wet pussy. Your eyes stayed on him, your bottom lip in between your teeth as he teased you. Your anticipation just kept building as he moved down the bed, positioning himself in between your thighs. He leaned in, slipping his tongue inside your entrance.

He was sloppily eating you out, his head moving from side to side. His arms hooked under your thighs to pull you as close to his face as he could as your hands went to his hair.

“So good,” you whimpered, your breathing getting faster as he worked you closer to your orgasm.

He slid his tongue out of you to focus on your clit, quickly replacing it with two of his fingers. Your back was arching off the bed as he moved his arm back and forth, applying as much pressure as he could to that spongy spot inside you as he sucked on your swollen bundle of nerves.

“You’re gonna make me cum,” you babbled, as he started to chuckle with your clit in his mouth.

That was all it took for your legs to start shaking and your grip on his hair getting even tighter. Once your pussy started to clench around him, he slowed his fingers to a slow roll, not wanting to overstimulate you. His tongue gently licked your clit as he worked you through it, your whimpers getting softer as you came down from your high.

“That was the best orgasm I’ve ever had,” you admitted through your shaky breathing. Ethan started to laugh a little as you looked at him, your eyes hazy. “What?”

“Just wait until I’m inside you,” he cockily said, “You still confident that you can handle it?”

“I know I can,” you said, your legs instinctively spreading wide for him as his fingertips ran up your thigh.

“What are you going to do when no one else can make you feel as good as I do?” he questioned, as one of his fingers started to rub circles on your clit.

“I guess I’d have to keep you around then,” you said, as he shook his head.

“You’d only have me until summer starts,” he said, his finger moving faster. “I’m transferring to a different school after this year.”

“No, you’re not..fuck. I’ll convince you to stay,” you said, relaxing into the bed as he teased you.

Ethan pulled his hand away from your pussy before he slid his boxers off. He crawled back on top of you and reached over to his bedside table to grab a condom.

“I might let you convince me,” he said, as he lined up with your entrance. You tensed up a little because you knew how big he was. “Relax, baby.”

You did as he said, taking a deep breath as he inched his way inside of you. You were moaning as he stretched you out, and when you thought he was all the way in, he just kept going.

“Oh fuck,” you whimpered, feeling so full as he finally came to a stop, wanting to give you plenty of time to adjust. “Told you..Fuck, I told you I could take it,” you said, already struggling to speak.

“Don’t get cocky,” he said, your mouth falling open as he started to move. “I’m going to ruin this pussy.”

“Ruin it,” you said, challenging him as your lusty, hooded eyes connected with his.

It took everything in Ethan to not immediately start pounding into you, but he didn’t want to hurt you. He started slow, your eyebrows already furrowing together, low moans slipping past your lips. The head of his cock hit that special spot every single time, but you needed more. He sped up a little as your legs wrapped around him, your hands gripped tightly around his biceps.

“Maybe you can take it,” he said, his breathing getting heavier. “Can I go faster?”

“Yes,” you whimpered, as his hips moved quicker.

Your brain was starting to turn to mush, the babbles slipping past your lips making absolutely no sense. The only thing your mind could process in that moment was how good Ethan was making you feel. He thought you were adorable, already so cock drunk, and he wasn’t even close to being done with you yet. He kept his pace, but occasionally thrust a little harder to see if you could take it, the loud moans slipping past your lips as your nails started to dig into his arms letting him know that you could.

He angled your hips to go even deeper. His pace was a little slow as he made sure you were okay. Your eyes were pleading with him to go faster, because you knew the words weren’t going to come out of your mouth. It was getting so hard for him to hold back, so he finally let go. He started to pound into you so hard that your skin was tingling, all the nerves in your body on edge. Your toes were curling as he slammed into your g-spot, your whimpers turning to cries as you felt your orgasm starting to build. It was hard for you to keep your eyes open, and you were sure Ethan was going to have your nail marks on his arms forever with how hard you were squeezing him.

“Fuck,” was the only word you were able to get out, your legs wrapping tightly around him as your body started to involuntarily jolt. Ethan was sure that everyone in the surrounding dorm rooms knew what was happening, because you were being so loud. He wasn’t letting up though. He loved that he was making you feel that good.

It only took a few more deep thrusts before your entire body started to tremble, loud whines flooding out of your mouth as the wave of euphoria washed over you. He chased his own orgasm as he fucked you through it, your pussy clenching him so tight that he was moaning himself.

“I’m almost there, baby,” he said, a slight rasp in his voice from all the panting he’d been doing.

You went limp, your grip on his arms and your legs around his waist relaxing as his hips started to falter, a loud groan slipping past his lips as he released into the condom.

He took a minute to catch his breath before he slid out of you. His abs were burning and his arms were sore from your nails, but he quickly got up to take the condom off so he could take care of you.

He crawled in the bed next to you as you adjusted to lay your head on his chest, still so fucked out that it was hard to process your thoughts. Ethan just held you close, his hands softly rubbing over your bare back as you relaxed into his touches.

“You’re okay, right?” he asked, after a few minutes of you not saying anything. You lazily nodded as your hand moved to rub across his chest.

You laid there in silence as you started to think about what’d just happened. You knew your friend was going to be pissed if she ever found out, but did that even matter? She made almost the entire university hate Ethan for things he never did, and it made you sad that he felt like he needed to switch to a different school so he wouldn’t have to deal with it anymore.

“So���” you finally said, “How can I convince you to stay?”

He let out a nervous laugh, not knowing the best way to respond. “I can’t take people talking about me the way they do anymore.”

“Even if I convince everyone that it was all lies?” you questioned, your tone playful as you angled your head to look at him. “I think it’d be awful for you to leave because of her. You could miss out on someone that would treat you right.”

“Someone like you?” he questioned as he looked down at you. You nodded, before he leaned down to kiss you. “You’re good at this whole convincing thing.”

“Does that mean you’ll stay?” you asked, smiling as you sat up to look at him.

“Yeah, as long as you don’t break my heart,” he said, wrapping his arms around you to pull you back down to his chest.

“I won’t.”

You stayed in Ethan’s bed for a couple hours, making plans for all the dates he wanted to take you on. It felt like you’d known him for way longer than just a few days, the two of you having an instant connection. You hated to pull away from him, but you knew you needed to get dressed before his roommate got home.

“It’s late, can I walk you back to your dorm?” he asked, as he started to put his clothes back on.

“I can’t believe I thought you were this horrible monster. You’re so sweet,” you said, as he smiled at you. “Yeah, you can walk me home.”

Ethan walked you to the front door of your building, pulling you into a gentle kiss before he pulled away.

“I’ll text you,” he said, as he started to back away.

“Yeah, let me know when you make it back to your dorm, please,” you said, as he nodded.

When you made it upstairs and got settled into your bed, you heard your phone vibrate as it charged on your bedside table. You grabbed it and saw a goodnight message from Ethan, a huge smile on your face as you responded to him. You were so exhausted from the time you’d spend with him, and you soon felt yourself start to doze off. You heard your phone buzz again, your eyes lazily opening to see if it was Ethan. You took a deep breath once you read the message that was sent to you.

‘Why the fuck were you kissing Ethan at that party?’

[xmultifandomsx]

jason can't use autocorrect anymore

Picture this: Jason having disabled autocorrect on all his electronics. Normally, it doesn't matter. Jason's vocabulary is spectacular and so is his spelling, it's one of those things he's always prided himself on. No one could ever tell he was from Crime Alley just looking at his essays. However, he's not perfect and sometimes it's hard to type in blood-soaked leather gloves so there's the occasional typo. It drives Bruce nuts, like really nuts. And every time he sends in a report with an accidental typo Bruce sends it back with the word highlighted in bright fucking yellow. It pisses him off to no end. So he complains about it to Dickie once after Bruce had just returned his 12 page report having highlighted 'Sucinylcholine' in yellow. Dick takes one look at it and asks, like an asshole, "Why don't you just turn on spellchecking?" Why don't you just meh meh meh, god he's such a wonder boy. And then that weasly, little snake snorts as he types away on the bat computer.

"Yeah," Drake giggles. "Why don't you?"

Jason can't help but grind his teeth, he knows exactly why. Drake is the reason he had to disable it in the first place, even if he can't prove it. It wasn't a coincidence that right after he and Tim had one of their blowout arguments, someone had changed the autocorrect on his phone so whenever he typed 'Bruce' or 'B' it changed to 'Dad' and if he typed 'Batman' it changed to 'Batdad' without his approval. And if that wasn't bad enough, they somehow managed to do the same thing on his laptop. And his burner phone. And his other burner phone. And you get the point. No matter how many times he tried to change his settings or buy new electronics the autocorrect issue remained. See, Jason isn't the most technologically advanced of his siblings but he could get by. Except when it came to smartphones, he was pretty useless when it came to the settings app on his phone. It wasn't his fault, when he died he still had a flip phone! So, try as he might he couldn't really fix it on his own and he was only slightly mortified to ask anyone else for help so he'd just turned off autocorrect and spellcheck in general.

"It doesn't matter," Jason muttered. "It's not my fault B is such a tightwad."

"I think you meant dad," the little shit giggles, taking off before Jason can reach the computer and strangle the asshole.

He fucking knew it!

(Cue Dick just staring after them confused but smiling bc his brothers are bonding)

[astarionxhappiness]

This is my first piece of writing in about five or so years, so thank you Astarion for giving me that fire again.

I did my best to find all the typos, but this was written on my phone at about 1 AM while half asleep, and autocorrect is a bitch, so bear with me.

Prompt: you have a bad past of sexual abuse, but catch feelings for Astarion.

Word Count: A little over 4,000 words

Warnings: mentions of sexual abuse if you squint a bit. Fluff. Lots of fluff.

The two of you had been traveling together for some time now. And while you had gotten of to a rocky start, you felt that you had grown a rather strong bond over the past months.

Though you supposed that facing constant and never ending threats, as well as having a tadpole connecting your very minds could do that to anyone.

Having to constantly put your life into another's hands like that. . All of your trust. And in turn, they offered you the same.

It had been years since you had felt such trust for a person. Such faith and warmth. And to a vampire spawn no less.

The thought made you smile to yourself with great amusement, biting your bottom lip absently and tugging.

Perhaps it wasn't even putting your trust in a vampire spawn. . Perhaps it felt funny to find yourself putting your trust in him.

"What's so funny?"

The words knocked you from your daze, bringing your attention back to the world around you.

The sound of the crackling fire, the uncomfortable log making your ass sore the longer you remained seated on it. The night air chilling your skin through the thin fabric of your tunic.

"Tav?" Astarion's voice sounded again, ever demanding. His tone made you look over at him quickly.

"You keep doing that today. . Are you falling ill or something?" You did not offer a response to this rhetorical question, knowing it was asked out of fussiness from being ignored, rather than genuine concern.

"I'm just thinking," you replied, glancing over at him again. "Nothing is funny."

You had had a hard time looking at him all day. You knew it had to do with the dream you had had the night before, though you were still having trouble admitting it to yourself.

The very memories of it made you feel flush.

"Oh?" He quirked a brow as he gazed at you from the corner of his eye, his head tilted back in a manner that showed off his jaw nicely.

"And what is it you're thinking about so intently then, hm? It must be something quite interesting to have you so distracted." The suggestive smile and knowing glint in his eye made you flush, looking away bashfully.

"Whatever you think it is, I can assure you it isn't that," you replied with vehemence, listening to him burst into musical laughter.

"Oh, it truly is so much fun to tease you, darling" he replied, tilting his head to look at you, a smile dancing on his lips that showed off his fangs.

"So what was it, then? If not the idea of me ravishing your body?" He had been making such jokes more and more for weeks now, but the immersion did nothing to stop your face from going red once more, forcing you to look away from him so he wouldn't see.

Not that it truly mattered. You knew he could tell exactly what your reaction was. Hence the reason he loved to make comments.

"Astarion, could I ask you something?" You found the nervous words leaving your mouth before you could stop them, making your body tense.

Your head remained bowed, gazing intently at your lap.

The smile fell from his lips, a look of uncertain curiosity taking place in his features instead.

"What's on your mind, darling?" He asked, making you wring your hands together.

"Do you. . Do you actually like being with people?" The question made him pause for just a moment before a smile cracked the far more real expression that had come before it.

A breathless laugh left his lips.

"Of course," he replied, unwilling to admit to the possibility that that was in fact a lie.

He felt the question was building to something more, and he was unwilling to make himself unavailable should you want him.

His eyes squinted slightly in curiosity when you offered little more than a nod of your head, wringing your hands together.

"So. . So you enjoy. . Being touched?" You glanced over at him, tensing harder when you found his inquisitive gaze already looking back at you.

"Why are you asking me these things my sweet?" He asked. "Is it perhaps. . Because you really would like for me to touch you?" He brought his hand out to very lightly cover your wrist, making your breath catch.

Silence grew thickly between the two if you as your response to the question remained stuck firmly in your throat.

You startled violently when footsteps sounded from off to your left, followed by Wyll's voice.

"Are you two coming to eat? Gale's just finished cooking. " He hesitated as he spoke, watching Astarion's hand slide subtly off your wrist.

"I am actually not feeling particularly well," you replied, flustered as you got to your feet. "Excuse me." They both watched you go, having similar expressions if uncertainty as Astarion stood up next to Wyll.

You remained in your tent for the remainder of the evening, listening to the others talking and laughing over warm food.

You shivered absently as you laid on your bedroll, the thick furs feeling less warm than usual. You hoped that it was simply the nights getting colder, but you had a feeling it was rather your thoughts giving the impression of warmth leaving your body.

You shut your eyes, your fingers tracing the palm of your other hand tucked by your face as you heard Astarion reciting one of his favorite stories to the others, undoubtedly keeping the company of a nice glass of wine.

The tips of your fingers traced down to your wrist where his hand had covered just a few hours before, your mind wandering back to the dream that had corrupted your thinking all day.

You had sworn off touch long ago. Your experience with it being only violent and cruel.

You did not want it.

A simple brush of the shoulder led to temptation of touching one's arm. Then, perhaps the urge to move in closer. Feel their breath against your skin, inhale their scent. .

These were temptations that people seemed incapable to control.

No! You wouldn't risk it! Not again! Not ever again.

You would not be used for another's pleasure.

And yet. . Astarion had touched you, had he not? Not just tonight, but other times as well. Whether it was catching you mid trip, protecting you in a fight . . even waking you from a nightmare or two. .

You took in a deep breath as these memories crossed your mind. The feel of his hands clutching your shoulders, his soothing, concerned voice as he tried to calm you down.

You had felt faint that night, waking with the air out of your lungs.

You had fallen against him, your hands shaking, weakly grasping at his arms as you tried not to faint. You could still feel the sensation of your temple resting against his broad chest. The feeling of his cool hand coming to rest on the side if your head.

He had never stopped talking while you worked through your panic attack. Plenty of it was not actually comforting, but the simple sound of his voice grounded you. And his touch made you feel drunk.

You had pushed those feelings away after that night. but after your dream, after the vivid sensation of his touch against your skin, his soft voice easing your tension. . You knew the sensation. It was too vivid not to have been spawned from a memory.

That feeling of safety. . Never had you expected to ever feel it in your life. .

You bit your lip as you curled in on yourself, wrapping an arm around your torso.

If your fears were right, and all touching always led to pain and violence, then why had Astarion never tried anything?

Even tonight, the touch had been. . Gentle. Hesitant, almost. Offering the option for you to pull away if you so pleased.

But you didn't. Something about it felt right. Like having a taste of water when you didn't realize just how thirsty you were.

Perhaps. . Just maybe, it was possible to find safety with him.

You trusted him with your life, after all.

And from things he had told you in the past, you got the feeling he would understand the fear you had of being taken advantage of more than anyone.

Your attention was grabbed by the sounds of everyone getting ready to head to bed, most likely due to the rain that had begun falling, making it's presence known to you by tapping rhythmically against your tent.

You bit your lip, feeling your stomach twisting at the resolve you made.

You would just ask him. What was the worst that could happen?-

You had to stop your brain from answering this question.

It took you a little under ten minutes to harden your resolve.

You kicked off the thick fur blanket, stuffed your feet in your unlaced boots, and headed for the vampire's tent across the camp from yours.

Except, by the time your feet stopped in front of his tent, your resolve had weakened once more, leaving you standing in the dark with rain slowly absorbing into the thin layers of your clothes.

You were already shaking with nerves by the time that thunder boomed in the sky so loudly it had you yelping in surprise, your mind having been far more preoccupied with other things than the lightning overhead. flinging yourself through the flap of fabric that covered the entrance of his tent, you froze as you laid eyes on the man laying in the dim lamp light.

Your entrance made Astarion look up with a start from the spot on his bed, his finger marking the page of his book he had been reading.

He looked confused by your odd entrance, though your meek posture and flushed skin made him smile at you. It rather made your head dizzy and your feet want to run.

"Hello, beautiful," he greeted, his tone ever seductive. "I figured I would be seeing you again tonight." He shut his book in a way that had you wondering how many times he had practiced the motion in order to get just the right amount of seduction out of it.

He was. . Everything that you were not in such moments.

Confident, charismatic, smooth and seductive. Experienced, and more or less functioning.

You looked down, hands clasped before you.

"I-i didn't mean to bother you," you whispered, finding yourself far more nervous than you normally were.

"I just. . I wanted to ask you. ." You shut your eyes as your cheeks went bright red.

He couldn't help but notice the soft tremor rattling your body. Your meek position was not one he often saw you possessing. Only in moments when you were truly terrified or nervous about something.

It was, much to his horror, rather.. endearing.

He had only seen you in such a state a spare few times, but when he did, he had the odd urge to handle whatever it was causing it.

And in this case, he felt certain that the thing causing you trouble, he could definitely take care of.

He stood up, moving over to you, making your heart beat quicken with nerves.

He had a way of looming that made you want to flee.

When you flinched back from him, suddenly rethinking if your request was such a good idea, you watched to your great surprise as he took a step back, frowning.

"Are you scared of me?" He asked with sudden realization.

The action had not been made out of anticipation, or longing. No. . People did not flinch like that unless they expected something unpleasant to happen.

You looked up at him with round, horrified eyes.

"No!" You replied quickly, your body trembling a bit harder.

"I- no, of course not, I just-" he turned his head to the right slightly as he continued to look at you, frowning as he brows furrowed.

"I just get- nervous, with people. . Touching me," you finally managed to get out, sounding royally ashamed.

You had survived an illithid tadpole swimming around in your skull, the crashing of a ship you you were on only because of being abducted, countless perilous fights, and even knocked the head off of one or two goblins without ever skipping a beat.

But this. Proximity to someone that had never once tried to murder you, or handle you in a way you didn't want to be handled. . This terrified you?

It was only then that he realized you had always avoided being touched by others. You had never shown interest in any form of romance, or even friendly pats on the shoulder by the others in your little party.

You had always managed to casually and seamlessly avoid such interactions.

"Why do you get nervous being touched?" He asked, though he had his suspicions. "I assure you, love, there is absolutely nothing to be afraid of." He offered his hand out to you, but made no further attempt at contact. Remaining a respectful distance from you.

You looked away, a part of you desperately wanting to reach out and grasp his hand, feel the sensation that you had found yourself desperate to for.

You did not, however. You remained rigidly shaking in place as you looked away.

"You. . You said that Cazador, . . That he made you do things you didn't want to do? With him? And. . Others? " You whispered nervously.

It had been a conversation you had had with him some weeks ago, out on a ledge relaxing beneath the stars while the others slept.

He frowned at the mention, dropping his hand when the offer was not accepted.

"Yes," he replied, seeming slightly more guarded. "Why?"

You tensed as another roar of thunder raged in the sky, your eyes shutting.

"Well- someone. . Someone did things to me. To hurt me, and- and use me-" you looked up at him, eyes round and nervous, a part of you expecting to be met with disgust.

The expression you were met with however, was one of a silent understanding. The defense in his gaze softened.

Though the bitterness remained, you felt certainty that it was not directed towards you.

"I see," he replied, his suspicions finally being confirmed.

"So why are you here, then?" He tilted his head back slightly. "Trying to rewrite the pain in your past?" He guessed. "Well, I'm okay with that. Happy to be of service, darling." He offered you a charming smile as his weight shifted to one hip, his hand coming up to hang loosely at the wrist.

"No, actually," you replied, watching the false happiness slip off his features. "I-. . I wanted to ask if. . You would want. . " you scrunched your face, looking tortured.

"I can read your thoughts if you'd rather not say it aloud," he offered when you fell silent.

You looked only more pained by this offer, but nodded mutely, opening your mind to him as the request was caught in your throat.

He shut his eyes was he felt the connection take hold, swimming in your thoughts to latch on to the question stuck in your mind.

"Do I want to cuddle?" He demanded in confusion, taking an affronted step back, letting out a breathless laugh as he looked at you.

You tensed, shaking just a little harder at his reaction, your stomach twisting in a manner that made you glad you had not eaten that evening.

"I-. . No one's ever asked me that before," he went on, the vehemence in his voice dissipating as he looked at you, features taking on more trouble attributes.

He looked at you quietly, your small form shivering, your clothes clinging to your body wetly, making him wonder how long you had been outside his tent, too scared to come in and ask for such an odd. . Innocent, request.

The strange part was, it. . Sounded rather pleasant.

You had never asked anything of him before. You offered loyalty to him and never asked for anything in return. Not even his own loyalty to you.

You had fought for him. Saved him. Cared for his wounds, and been there for him in moments when he felt he could open up.

"I-" he hesitated as you stayed silently staring at him, waiting for something bad to happen.

He did not need an tadpole to read the nervousness and fear in your mind.

"-i think I would rather like tjat," he found himself genuinely admitting.

He offered his hand again to you, his demeanor soft and delicate. The same demeanor he had offered when he held you when you couldn't catch a healthy rhythm with your breathing.

You looked down at his hand, hesitantly stepping forward and putting your hand over his, feeling a rush if excitement and longing rush through you as you felt his fingers wrap gently around your hand.

You took another step closer to him, your mind almost blank as you shut your eyes, and wordless pressed your body against his in a gentle, soothing hug.

He hesitated as you did this, fairly certain no one had ever hugged him before this very moment.

It felt. . Warm. . Comforting, almost.

Safe.

He wrapped his arm around you after a moment of uncertainty, the hold tenuous and hesitant.

He kept your hand in his, pressed between your bodies up against your chests.

He shut his eyes, feeling himself melting into the embrace.

When you pulled away finally and looked up at him, he quietly used your hand still in his to tug you with him towards the bed on the ground. He sat down on top of the blanket, looking up at you wordlessly, his hand still tenderly grasping yours.

You took in a deep breath, looking down at him intently as you sat on the ground in front of him on folded legs, taking in another deep breath with nervous giddiness from the proximity.

It felt just as you had dreamed it. The warmth, the tenderness. .

You leaned forward for what Astarion instinctively expected to be a kiss, but found himself freezing when you pressed your forehead tenderly against his, your eyes shutting.

The soft little breaths you took in to try and calm yourself, soaking up the touch in a manner that clearly felt euphoric- it was not things that went unnoticed by the vampire spawn.

You were. . Positively adorable. The gentle way you hesitantly brought your hands up to let the very tips of your fingers touch either side of his face. The soft, earnest expression you wore as you soaked up the feeling of being touched . .

He shut his eyes, bringing his hands up to gently cover your hands, feeling your tadpole reaching out to his, should he want it.

Curious, he reached out, and felt himself tale an inhale as a feeling of warmth washed over him.

Feelings of care, and trust. understanding, and longing.

But not for the thing most people wanted from him. . It was a longing to be to see, as well as be seen. A longing for understanding.

He brought his hand to press against the mid of your back, gentle and coaxing, you slowly agreed to the request, and let him guide your body to press against his.

The touch felt so different than usual. Perhaps it was the connection of the tadpole, but it felt warm, and safe

You felt safe.

He had never felt such a sensation before in his life. To genuinely trust someone. To care for them.

There were small, subtle glimpse of pain in your thoughts. Ones that he found he wanted to prod at further, but resisted.

He brushed his nose against yours mindlessly, and you returned the action, feeling entranced as he opened his own mind mind you in return, letting you see how cared for you were with him.

You melted further into the touch, slipping your arms around his back, a hand coming up to the back of his hair mindlessly to play with the soft silver locks.

He brought his hands to your sides, keeping you pressed against him as he carefully headed backwards so you rested down on top of him, his fingers coming to run along the divot of your spine.

Wrapping your leg around him, you settled comfortably against him, the heaviness of your body on top of him feeling like a pleasant weighted blanket.

He let his hands roam along your wet clothes before making their way into your damp hair.

He wanted to ask how long exactly you had been out there to have gotten so wet, be he refrained, simply listening to the rain hit the tent as you both soaked up the comforting touch.

You folded the blanket up around the two of you after a time, and felt him roll you both a moment later.

You opened your eyes softly to look at him, gently resting your forehead against his once kore, though there was no tadpole connecting you this time.

"If you ever want someone," you whispered, bringing your fingers up to tenderly touch his cheek. "If you ever want to talk, or just. . Have someone to be with, I am here." You brushed your nose against his, watching his lids fall half closed.

He looked like he wanted to respond, but was perhaps, for the first time in his life, at a loss for words.

He felt an overwhelming sense for gratitude towards the offer. He had told you things before, but it had been in moments of weakness, or because it was necessary.

He had never shared just because.

"Well," he finally whispered, a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips. "This. . Offer, goes for you as well." He looked down, clearly trying his best, but having a hard time with more vulnerability.

"Thank you," you murmured, inching a little closer. "I'm. . Astarion, I'm so sorry, for everything you had to go through." The words were spoken with great feeling, your heart aching thinking about of of the things be had admitted to happening.

"It's in the past now, well isn't it," he replied, stroking your cheek. "But. . Thank you, love," he added with a great deal more hesitancy.

You smiled slightly, which he found did odd things to his insides.

He sighed mentally to himself. He was not going to allow himself to feel things things for you- he couldn't.

You were just-

His breathing froze as you shifted up, wrapping your arms around his shoulders and head as you shifted him so his head rested against your chest, the position feeling incredibly shielding and warm.

He felt his stomach twist, his throat strangely tight.

He wrapped his arm around your torso hesitantly after a moment, apprehensive.

No one had ever- held him before. It was not how this worked-

And yet. . He found his eyes falling shut with sudden exhaustion.

He cursed you, unsure what exactly it was about your touch that had him feeling so. . Melty. But it was unaccept-

Singing?

His ears perked up slightly, distracted from his thoughts as a sweet, soft melody gripped his attention instead.

His body eased to rest more heavily against you as his muscles relaxed.

Perhaps. . It would be okay just to relax and enjoy for a little while? And then he could get back to his plotting and manipulations later. .

He took in a deep breath, feeling your fingers touching his hair tentatively, running the tips of them through the outer layers of the silvery strands.

The soft vibration of your chest as you switched between signing and humming different parts of the song had him entranced.

You kept your gaze on him as you did so, feeling your stomach twisting with giddiness.

This had been it. It was just like you had dreamed. . The feeling of his arms around you, the dim light of the lantern casting calming shadows.

The tender, warm touch with none of the unpleasantness.

It was everything you had been craving and more.

You shut your eyes after a time, feeling him slowly heating against you as he slipped off into peaceful slumber.

You slipped down sleepily after nearly an hour of just enjoying the position of holding him safely in your arms.

You felt him shift in his sleep as you settled down against him, his arm wrapping around you, pulling you close.

You pressed your forehead against his softly, eyes shutting, feeling his breath tickle your face with every slow exhale.

You let your leg rest loosely in-between his, wrapping your arm around his waist before settling.

You slipped off a little while later to join him in slumber, the soft drumming of the rain and rumbling thunder in the distance lulling you to sleep.

[youcouldmakealife]

Do you ever mix up names? I love your stories, but I am shit at names and as your pantheon/league grows I find myself increasingly turned around by all the north american dude names (first, last, AND hockey nicknames!!!). I can usually keep track of the on-going series names and names that are less common in North America (Kiro, Sven), but if I'm reading, say, an ask or rereading I usually have remind myself who is who first.

I don't mix them up between themselves and other characters in either a similar name way (James vs Jake, say) or roles (mixing up say, Wheels and Craney and Matty).

(This got so long and off topic, why does this always happen)

What I do mix up is sort of more of a...muscle memory thing, maybe? I'm writing the word, say, gorgeous, and I have to delete georgieous first, because my fingers apparently have become a phone's autocorrect function. I actually did write James as Jake a few times when I was deep deep in editing BTT, but again, it was just sort of like...an autofill error between my brain and my fingers.

The names themselves I'm pretty good with, though I do worry about whether I'll continue to be as a) the pantheon continues to expand (I love this by the way, and now I'm probably going to spend the rest of my evening mentally assigning characters places in the pantheon) and b) I get older. And both things seem pretty inevitable to me.

Unfortunately, the two things I appear to have in common with Leo Tolstoy are brevity and 'these people have three names, and I'm going to use them all interchangeably'. (ie Vinny is Thomas to himself, but Vinny to literally everybody else including me. And sometimes Tommy but only to Anton and his parents and only sometimes. Anton's alternately Anton, Petrov, Tony to Vinny and teammates, or Antosha to his family.)

I'd honestly apologise for it but it's one of those things that's really inextricable from the sort of...falling into a perspective way that I write, the same way I write in American English for American characters and Canadian English for Canadians, or use Christian (and specifically Catholic) references in Robbie or Georgie's POVs but never, say, Mike's or David's, unless we count Mike's very liberal usage of the word goddamn (and it's lowercase with him, but it'd be Goddamn to Robbie.)

And the different vocabularies extends to names. Like William Dineen is William to Robbie, he specifically asked to be called that when he was a teenager who wanted to feel more adult, and Robbie respected that then and continues to now. Georgie respected it in another way -- he was Willy to him, and now he uses Will, which William is fine with, but only with immediate family.

But in the text itself Georgie would never use William, because it'd feel distant to him, and Robbie would never use Will because he'd consider that disrespectful after William specifically requested to be called that, and me choosing one or the other wouldn't be in character, so he's Will and he's William, but never Willy (that's Tate Williams).

I make this all sound like a much more conscious process than it is. A lot of this stuff I've only figured out via metacognition of my writing process, which is, by necessity, done in hindsight.

My original answer to questions like 'why did you do _____ that way?' is invariably '*shrug* felt right', and people tend to find that...unsatisfying, so I often investigate further, and the answer becomes 'felt right because of <this reason I was in no way consciously aware of during the writing process>'. As I've said to my poor beleaguered editor, a lot of my writing process is 'just vibes'. I follow good vibes. Bad vibes tell me something's not working, and I adjust accordingly. I think a lot (I cannot tell you how many times I've been accused of overthinking things), but when it comes to writing, most of it's happening beyond my own perception, so instead it feels more like gut instinct. (which is, indeed, what gut instinct often boils down to: pattern recognition going on beneath one's conscious awareness)

[wacky-nameless-inventor-24]

Yaaaayyyy okay!!!

Honestly I realized this only a little while ago but he very honestly gives me C-3PO energy when there’s any stressful situation going on. Just going around wildly squawking and most of the time not helping in any way, just complaining XD He is also THE biggest snitch you’ve ever seen in your life. If he thinks he can get something out of telling someone something about someone else, then he absolutely will.

A lot of the people at the castle have been there for a long time, so they’re honestly used to his two-faced behavior and are desensitized to it. He gets away with a lot of it until Mads shows up and calls him out for his bs (And!!! That causes issues at first because they all know they’ve let him get away with being sneaky or rude or abusing his power or just being stupidly petty and hurting people that way, so when Mads is like “hey wtf” they have a hard time facing it because they feel guilty for essentially letting him do that). Which is why they hate each other- NGyro tried his hardest to turn NFenton against Mads when he first showed up. Which definitely worked at first? But over time NFenton just found that nagging very annoying. NGyro and Mads openly know they hate each other, but they can’t do much to the other without getting in trouble so it’s just turned into pettily trying to one-up each other for eternity sldlflglhlf Though, speaking to that ‘they let him get away with it’ thing it really comes down to NFenton and Blue did, and everyone else wasn’t in a high enough position to do so. I’m sure Scrooge and Beakley tried, but either NGyro (metaphorically-) beat them into submission or NFenton just went on ignoring everything (and Blue was too scared of doing anything about it). NFenton doesn’t want to get rid of him because he does his job well and they can work well together (+he has a tad of a soft spot for him after they had to rely on each other to survive being in such close proximity to NScrooge), and NGyro’s- reported- offenses are usually small enough to ignore anyway. Essentially, everyone in the castle knows he’s for the most part trash (help my phone autocorrected that to trans I’m cackling) but nobody does anything about it anymore.

Ig in most of the stories I have he’s really just the supporting advisor character, again the C-3PO coming in and being the one with brain cells but being written off as annoying for having them slslfgllhltr Yeah he had a vendetta against Mads but also he was probably right for warning them all away from him because Mads was an assassin from a kingdom they’d been on the brink of war with for years now and he was the only one who was going to the king to say “hey maybe we should wait a little longer before you let him sleep with you????”. Yeah he didn’t want his position threatened by some random new person but yknow said random new person had also destroyed a garden and nearly the throne room by just having emotions and then was immediately promoted to a position directly below the king (though anything he did to Blue after they were recruited and proved themself was inexcusable). So yeah he’s two-faced but between him and NFenton he usually has the most braincells and that’s why he’s advisor XD Essentially he’s the nicest person on the outside but actually is like canon Gyro with -10 of his character growth sldlflgglhlh which I suppose is the point

I doooooont think I have anything concrete on his relationship with Gyro yet, because I still have no idea how I want that to go. I might be leaning toward them being brothers because there might be a space to bring that up in Over My Head, but we’ll see.

[crazy56u]

Okay, shopping cart accident to one side, I’m home now. Let’s go.

Tonight, on a very special “Quantum Leap”, we remind you that 2012 was about 11 years ago.

Oh fucking God, Party Rock Anthem…

Okay, it looked like Ben punched her to the floor.

“You love basketball.” Interesting time to pint that out.

“Ben, call it a hunch, but I think you have to save basketball.”

“Amanda, if you don’t rest your ankle, I’m banning you from basketball.”

You didn’t have to cue Party Rock Anthem back up, guys…

Gia should’ve done a Space Jam, but she got the job done regardless.

Now Ben, as you can tell, you are not leaping yet, so welcome to the long haul.

Ah, we’re getting right into the transphobia, delightful.

“And she’s your daughter.” She just called Ben “Dad”, no fucking shit.

I too sadly stare at high school trophies when confronted with dickhead teenagers yelling at my daughter.

In-fighting amongst the team, and Ben being scolded by the principal for having his trans daughter play basketball, we are starting off on a cheery fucking note…

“Look, my daughter can fucking grow a new ankle all I fucking care, you are the asshole here, not me!”

Calling it: In 8 years time, Amanda’s mom becomes a full blown Karen. I can technically say that since “Karen” didn’t enter the public consciousness until 2020, she doesn’t count yet in 2012.

Well, I commend Gia for trying to make light of a shit situation.

Also, dollars to donuts the principal was the one to make her use the janitor’s closet as a changing room.

Why the fuck would they use a real helicopter for “Miss Saigon”? You remember what happened with “Twilight Zone: The Movie”, right?

Ben already changed history, neat.

So, Ben has to make sure Gia has to not run away, got it. How many transphobes does he need to beat up to make this happen? Can that be the episode?

Moral of the Story: Being an ally is for scrubs, being an accomplice gets shit done.

Why am I convinced this bar is in Texas?

Also, is Janis still at the Project, or was she allowed to leave after saying a name?

Dottie, you are clearly lying about not knowing Ben, why are you lying to Ernie Hudson?

Dottie is such a sick-ass poet, the government hates her. That’s awesome.

So, while Ben is fighting transphobia in 2012, Magic and Jenn are attending a poetry slam in Not Texas.

March 13th, the scariest March. So, watch as it turns out that day was actually super bad for Dottie, and I become an asshole.

“Management here is sus.” Among Us has done a lot of fucking damage to society.

[My phone wanted to autocorrect “damage” to “Sam anger”, just FYI.]

If only “Angry Birds” was still a good game in 2023…

“I can’t believe you put her in the game without giving me a head’s up first!” It was the last 30 seconds, and Amanda had a shit ankle, stop trying to make Ben the bad guy here!

“Don’t make me the enemy, I’m already doing that to you!”

Okay, I count that as confirmation of my “Amanda’s mom becomes a Karen” theory.

I think you need to block that number, ma’am.

“I-I didn’t think-” “That’s right. You didn’t think.” Ma’am, remember how you told Ben to not make you the enemy? Yeah, that’s a two-way street.

Ma’am, I am willing to bet Gia’s going to regionals, I hope you are prepared for that.

I love how Ben indirectly asked “Why couldn’t this episode just be basketball?”

“They banned trans people in the military?” Oh, I wish to fucking God they were allowed to directly shit on Trump here…

“The point is, we saw it coming, and we[…] didn’t say anything.” A tale as old as time.

I love it when my wholesome time travel show openly admits it wants to fix the bullshit of 2017, but can’t yet.

“[soft cheerful music]” is not a caption this episode deserves.

I love how the episode is blatantly making this a wholesome family moment to set the audience up for more bullshit at that car wash. I saw the trailer.

I fucking felt myself die hearing Ben say “Swag”. Certain things were left behind in the 2010s for a fucking reason.

And now there’s a debate between Twilight and Hunger Games. I am fucking old.

“Bella is totally useless without Edward or Jacob.” Show, I did not fucking sign up for debates about the lore of Twilight, stop this.

“Who needs The Hunger Games if you got high school, am I right?” Mic drop.

And now the episode enters hardcore “This is the fucking moral” mode.

Nothing like a dance party to make life better.

Okay, legitimate question: How much of this speech was written, and how much of this is ad-libbed from personal experience?

Okay, time for the fun car wash scene set to Carly Rae Jepson, clearly things will not get bad!

Oh goody, Amanda’s mom is also here, I already do not have high hopes!

[Fun fact: I dabbled in car washing as a kid one summer. That lasted only a week; when I tried washing my sister’s car, she got annoyed that I didn’t do a good job, and when she tried doing it herself, she sprayed me in the face with the hose out of anger. That’s why I don’t wash cars anymore.]

“Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, but here’s tonal whiplash, I guess sorry, maybe.”

Ohhhhhhh, I hope that wasn’t the principal’s car…

…so, of course it was actually Amanda’s mom’s car…

Ben is getting fed up with this mom, and I agree with him.

Boy, I already know what the principal has in mind for “protecting girl’s basketball”, and I already am mad.

Ben is legitimately knocking some skulls to protect Gia. Father of the year.

“Okay, let me tell you a story. It’s about me.”

“Dad, I bet it sucked for Ben Song…” “You don’t know the fucking half of it.”

“And every time I smell Febreze-“ Holy fucking tonal shift, Batman.

“She called it loneliness, but I called it toast.” …you were having a stroke?

Magic is having a religious experience in this poetry slam.

I love how she didn’t even say a name, and yet Amanda’s mom instantly owned up to being the complainer. No fucking subtlety.

Amanda, why are trying to be cordial at this point, your mom is currently making shit worse, and both you and Gia know this.

Okay, fuck it. She’s a full-blown Karen now. The evolution is complete.

Please, please let her slap the shit out of Amanda’s mom…

Amanda, there is only one reason why you would say it would be different. You know that, right?

I love how the principal has just decided to cowtow to Amanda’s bitch-ass mom.

I now really fucking hate the principal. Way to fucking go, you made shit worse!

And now Gia’s going to run away! Good job all around!

“This isn’t my first runaway kid, let me tell you about an earthquake in ‘89 sometime.”

Maybe basketball will help fix everything…

Look, Gia, if it makes you feel better, there’s a decent chance karma is going to bite Principal Kruger and Amanda’s mom both in the ass hard.

“Why don’t you grownups figure out how to make school safe for everyone?!” Gia? Hi. I’m from 2023. We’re still waiting for that question to be answered…

Ben has indirectly said the principal can go fuck herself.

Okay, cool, Amanda has decided to stop giving a shit about her mom.

“You’re really going to put your job on the line for this stunt?” “Go fuck yourself, ma’am, I’m fucking Ben Song.”

“What exactly do you think you’re going to achieve with this?” “Well, ma’am, I think we’re about to go to regionals.” I honest to God wish Ben flipped her off after saying that. You know for a fact he wanted to.

Okay, time for the most important game of basketball all episode.

The only cheaters I see are all the assholes holding up the shitty fucking signs trying to psyche Gia out.

That was Ben’s “Remember the Titans” speech.

I love how everyone at the Project is getting in on the action.

And Ian goes into the Imaging Chamber.

“Look, the principal wanted me to make you pull your daughter, but I ain’t her fucking lackey. Instead, I just want to tell you good luck, we’re all counting on you.”

Yeah, get fucked, society, the Union saves the day yet again!

Annnnnnd I was wondering when Katy Perry would poke her head into the door…

I love how Ben leapt there.

Meanwhile, back at the poetry slam.

“Dottie, you got Quantum Leaped.”

So, I guess Ian’s the secret leaper.

Meanwhile, Hell’s Kitchen.

“Awesome! I get to be a cook! Nothing bad can happen!”

[On an unrelated note, the promo revealed that the next episode involves the restaurant burning down that same day.]

All in all, I am now doubly upset I couldn’t watch this live. And that’s not even factoring in there’s another three week gap.

Also, my pet theory is that Principal Kroger gets sacked soon after that game.

[gaykarstaagforever]

If you haven't been "blessed" yet with iPhone 16 ads...oh man. Are you in for some shit!

First of all, all of them are 3 minutes long, and are mostly some guy just saying things in front of a spa...? And the things he is saying are a parody of absolutely everything wrong with modern tech, and the shitty techbro demand that we all integrate their lying, incoherent chat-bot code into every aspect of our lives (and pay them for it, of course).

This ad blitz is unreal. I can't imagine how much they paid for this. ALL of my at-work, unsubscribed YouTube Music ads were this, for 3 hours. All of them, 3 minutes long. It put that inexplicable Donald Duck Hot Ones mini-movie to shame, in both length and sheer infuriating pointlessness.

"If you are replying to a Stack message from your boss, this fucking phone can rephrase it so it has a more professional tone!"

Yes, because the thing the world needs most right now is a robot that helps the most helplessly stupid people imaginable not say "buttfucker" in a work email.

Most of us already have human brains that can do this, with very little effort. How is "we will help unqualified dipshits keep high-paying jobs they suck at" a feature?

Grammerly has already been selling this "feature" for awhile now, and it begged the same question when they started this: why is tech specifically helping awful people keep jobs they clearly aren't qualified for, because they lack any basic interest in being professional to coworkers?

Why would techbros think THAT is a good idea? One wonders!

Serious, find these ads and watch them. No one will ever be able to parody this moment in tech as well as what Apple just seriously produced.

Also, think about this: you know how autocorrect is annoying, and you kind of want to turn it off most of the time? (And you should. It makes you a better writer. Try it.)

Now imagine that every time you write a thing on your phone, the phone stops you from sending / posting it, and a confused algorithm based on 200+ years of stolen books rewrites it for you. And you have to look over that nonsense before you tell it no, stupid, I'm not Mary Shelley writing a thesis paper to submit to General Electric's President in 1972. Because that is exactly what this shit is going to do to you. All the time.

And you paid for this. Because they told you they were smashing this garbage into your camera rectangle, and you paid $1300 or more for it. Because...you want to impress terrible people?

I'm an Android guy, so I don't ever understand why people buy Apple's overpriced equivalents (they ARE built better and DO last longer. But unless you plan to keep this phone for 10 years, and you do not, it doesn't matter.)

You buy an iPhone 16, with integrated Apple Intelligence, to impress other (white) people at the chain bars you go to in your pressed khakis and boat shoes. Because there needs to be more unwitting victims of your 45 seconds of sex. But outside of that very specific usage case, you will come to hate what this device does to your daily phone experience.

...Unless of course you are the type of person who routinely sends texts to the office cleaning lady, rife with racist sexual harassment. In that very specific situation, this WILL improve your life.

And we as a society should really stand up against these kinds of people ruining absolutely everything for their very peculiar benefit.

Because most of us know how to think, and at a professional level, know how to turn that into formal writing. Elementary schools teach that. Even the bad ones. No one needs tech to do this for us. Except the terrible people trying to flog these unnecessary phones to other sad fucking losers.

[onsunnyside]

͙⁺. 𝐂𝐡𝐞𝐜𝐤𝐩𝐨𝐢𝐧𝐭

𝗣𝗮𝗶𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴 | college!Jake Jensen x college!reader (college roommate au)

𝗪𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀 | fluff, himbo!Jake, jake has a crush and so do you, SMUT - minors DNI, daddy kink, fingering (f), squirting, spitting, dirty talk, oral (f&m), p*ssy slapping, face fucking, all while wearing a headset

𝗦𝘂𝗺𝗺𝗮𝗿𝘆 | Jake is a dumbass, but he’s your dumbass, even when things fly straight over his head. Based off this post: ‘let me suck your dick while you’re gaming🥺’

𝗪/𝗖 | 3.6K

𝗔/��� | finally got to write for my baby hehe, [all asks — drabbles]

˗ˏˋ𝐌𝐚𝐢𝐧 𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭ˎˊ˗ ⋰˚ 𝐂.𝐄. & 𝐂𝐨. 𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 — 𝐀𝐎𝟑

During this time of year, students are nose deep in textbooks or laptops, drilling information in their brains, losing themselves in the stress, and anticipating the upcoming summer break.

Just like them, you were preparing and studying for your own two weeks of hell, while taking well-needed breaks in between to avoid breakdowns. You, similar to many other students, struggle this time of the semester.

Your roommate—not so much.

Jake is a computer science major and has always been at the top of his class. He never studies because he doesn’t need to, and seems to always get the highest grade amongst his peers.

Thankfully, Jake is always there when you need him. For projects, papers and study sessions—all you have to do is ask and he’s up and ready with his laptop and his gifted skills. His loyalty and kindness didn’t only stem from your friendship, or because the two of you were roommates. Jake kisses the ground you walk on because he was helplessly taken by you.

Anytime you need him, he’s there and honestly, even when you don’t need him, he’s there—not only because you lived together and he couldn’t be anywhere else. Almost every day, he is sitting on the living room couch wearing a headset and online gaming with his friends. Loudly, always so loud. Like cursing or telling off his friends in a playful way. Sometimes he was shirtless with his muscles and tattoos on display, but unfortunately today, he is wearing a shirt with a corny computer joke on it:

We'll we'll we'll...if it isn't autocorrect.

Admittedly, Jake is far from unattractive. He is lovely eye-candy and has been the root of your fantasies more times than you can count. Jake may be highly academically intelligent, but when it comes to certain signals and social cues, he couldn’t be more clueless.

You know this, but you don’t know exactly how stupid he can be. Which has led to several misunderstandings.

Today is a study day, and you’re in the middle of a break. After dropping by the campus cafeteria for a sugary drink, you arrive back at your shared apartment. You walk in, typing on your phone and slurping your slushie.

As you pass, Jake freezes. Fingers stiff around the controller and his words die on his tongue. Behind his circular glasses, he watches you bend over the counter and ruffle through the junk food cabinet. Your tank top rolled up and your ass hanging out the bottom of your underwear—these are shorts, Jake—you always walked around the apartment half-naked, and went out in public only a quarter-naked. But with the high temperature, you can’t bear the thought of wearing anything more.

“Jake, have you seen the rest of the bubblegum?” You turn around, smirking as his eyes snap to your face.

“Uh, I had the last one.”

“Oh.” You deflate, wrapping your lips around the straw and sucking again.

Jake immediately sits up, already patting his pockets for his wallet. “Sorry, I can run to the store and get more—”

“It’s okay.” You shrug, stepping towards him and gently rubbing your fingers through his hair. His eyes fall shut in bliss as you scratch his head, but then they shoot open as you roughly yank his head back, pressing it into the back of the couch.

His words go muffled as you capture his mouth in yours, tongue slipping between his lips as you moan. Tightening your fingers in his blond hair, you pull away, breathing heavily.

“What—”

You pat his head, “thanks, baby.” You grin, then blow a pink bubble.

Jake pants, nodding stiffly. “Y-You’re welcome, I’ll—uh, get more tomorrow.” His voice is raspy and lower as a slight bulge appears in his pants. He inhales sharply as you strut away, answering a call on your phone as your bedroom door shuts.

The blond slumps, squeezing his eyes shut as his hand ghosts over his cock. “—I think I can hear your boner, Jensen.”

“Shut up, Colin.” Jake huffs, peeking down the hallway. He sees your shadow moving under your door, and with his headset on, he can barely hear you speaking on the phone.

“Dude, you’re fucking whipped.” Johnny pipes up, laughing.

“I know.” Jake sighs dreamily, tasting some of your cherry slushie on his tongue.

“And you two aren’t even dating.”

“We—sometimes, we kiss and sleep together, there’s nothing wrong with that.”

“I didn’t say there was.”

“No, there’s definitely something up with that–not wrong, just weird. You’re both exclusively together without being together.” Bucky’s voice comes through.

“And you took her home for the holidays and New Year.” Steve chimes in, “Didn’t you go to that destination wedding last summer—where was it, Rome?”

“Not Rome but in Italy,” Colin says.

“No, it was Jamaica.” Johnny corrects, “I remember because of those bikini photos she posted, and as scandalous as it was, she was still wearing more than last Halloween.”

“I didn’t even know they made skirts that short.” Steve murmurs.

Bucky hums, “Oh, shit, I asked her to dance with me that night, but she was too caught up in Jensen’s costume malfunction—”

“Can you all shut the fuck up?” The blond grumbles.

“Not until you ask that babe to be yours! Unless, you need a wingman, Jensen.”

“Maybe he doesn’t only have trouble asking her out… early erectile dysfunction can happen in your 20s.”

Colin clears his throat, “Symptoms include loss of sensitivity of your dick, difficulty getting and maintaining an erection—”

Jake scoffs, if his friends were here, he’d kick them all in the balls, one after the other. “My dick is phenomenal and I fuck her just fine—”

“Fine? Is that what she calls it?” He switches to a higher-pitched voice, “Uh! Jake! This feels so fine—”

“I made her pass out on her birthday—nine orgasms. Bet you’ve only seen that shit in porn, asshole.”

A slew of laughter comes through his headset, loud cackles from everyone, Colin included. “All right, I bow to your greatness, o’ orgasm king—teach me your ways.”

“Us—teach us your ways, Jensen. Can’t keep all that knowledge to yourself.”

“Well, you have to know who you’re with, all their spots—”

“What’s her spot?” Colin interrupts.

“I’m not telling you, asshole.”

“C’mon! If you strike out, I’ll swoop in, it’s science.”

Jake rolls his eyes, he knows his friends are joking, but they’re still dickheads. He opens his mouth, about to respond, but your door swings open. You appear, wearing a cute little dress and sneakers, “Sue is having relationship troubles, is Reed online?”

“Uh, no.”

“Is that her?” Bucky asks.

“Well, Reed is being a jerk so I’m going to meet up with Sue. We might go to the mall or something.”

Jake ignores the oohs from his friends as you turn around, pulling the white fabric of your dress around your ass.

“Can you see my panties?” You ask, and he shakes his head, “Okay, I’m just wearing a thong anyway.”

“Shit, ask her to send me a picture—”

Johnny’s words fade away as you sit on his lap, cupping his bearded chin in your hands. Then, lightly tugging the headband of his headset to bring him closer, and pressing a sweet kiss to his lips. Similar to before, you slip your tongue in his mouth, moaning softly, his controller drops to the ground and his hands grip your hips tightly.

You lean back, blinking slowly, “Mhm, I’ll be back later, wait up for me so we can order dinner?”

Jake hums, pulling you closer for one last kiss. As you leave, slurping your slushie and blowing him a cute kiss, he wonders if all roommates and friends—whatever you were—do that too.

As exams come to a close, you have more free time, which means more time at home. Walking around half-dressed and smelling soft and creamy after each of your self-care nights. Just like tonight, after your relaxing spa session, you dress in one of Jake’s t-shirts.

Jake stiffens as you sit next to him, the cushion dipping with your weight. The smell of your soap and lotion distract him momentarily before he’s immersed in the game again. The volume of his headset is loud, but not loud enough to drown out your sigh.

You’re reclined back, head resting on the armrest as your hands drag along your exposed tummy. The softness of your flesh catches his eye, his fingers still for a few seconds before Colin is shouting at him, “Jensen, fucking move!”

His head snaps back to the television and he’s so absorbed into the game that he doesn’t peek at the object that lands in his lap. His skillful digits glide over the buttons, as the screen flashes quickly with gun firing and bright explosions. Other players are eliminated before his eyes, the rank of his squad climbing swiftly. As the round ends, he fist-pumps, cheering along with his friends as they recall their winning moves.

Bucky whoops, “Hell yeah, haven’t had a game that good in a while, boys.” They all start discussing the next round, Jake suggesting some strategies too. Pride fills his chest as Steve and Colin praise him—then he remembers the fabric in his lap.

The cotton is very familiar, mostly because he remembers you stuffing them into his hand before walking into the empty aisles of the campus library during one of your study sessions-turned-hook-up. For such a cute pair of panties, you sure loved taking them off.

Jake faces you, his blue eyes widening as your fingers press knuckle deep inside your pussy. Your gaze locked on his face as you massage your breast under the material of his shirt, a little whimper leaving your lips as you reach that little rough patch.

“—Jake was fucking standing out in the open like a dumbass!”

“Admiring the sky, Jensen?” Johnny laughs.

The man gulps, watching as your fingers pierce into your hole, stretching your tightness as your arousal spills out.

Pulling out, you spread your juices around your petals, wet noises filling the room, “Daddy, I couldn’t help myself.” You moan, raw bitten lips parted.

“It’s okay,” He breathes, feeling himself thicken in his shorts.

“What’s okay?”

“Nothing—I’ll be right back.” Jake shuts off his headset and pauses the game. He doesn’t know how long you’ve been doing this—but he knows you’re already close and he deeply regrets not glancing over earlier. It’s automatic as he reaches out, pushing his thumb into your mouth before bringing his hand to your cunt, applying pressure to your neglected nub.

“Daddy—ah!” You cover your mouth, thighs twitching as heat builds up in your belly. Jake quickly crawls between your legs and moves the mic, his lips latch onto your clit as he shoves your hand away.

Your fingers wrap around the headband of his headset and you use it to keep him close as your hips thrust up to meet his mouth. Nearly riding his face. Behind his slightly foggy glasses, his eyes are trained on you and your back arches as his tongue flicks against your clit, three of his thick fingers sliding deep inside you. Your wetness drips between his awaiting lips. Jake groans at your taste, using one hand to pull you closer as he feasts like a starved man.

“Fuck—you were just touching yourself next to me?” He growls, spitting sloppily on your pussy, slapping it for good measure. “Dirty girl, what was on your mind?”

“You—fuck, please don’t stop!” You whine, legs swinging over his broad shoulders and locking him in place. You were already on the brink and with him devouring your poor cunt, you can’t hold back. “I just—I was thinking about you.”

“Me? You’re a sweetheart.” Jake pins you down as your high hits, your juices squirting into his mouth and on his chin, he grinds into the couch, “That’s it, cum for daddy, baby, get me all messy.” He drinks you down greedily, watching you gasp and squeal. He slowly mouths against your core as your high bleeds into tiny shocks, dipping his tongue into your hole then, dragging the muscle up to your throbbing clit.

You squeal when he suckles the nub again, growling against you. He leans back and slips his fingers between your folds, strumming your clit and barely slipping inside your cunt, he does this until you try to push him away. After a final slap to your pussy, he pulls away and loudly sucks his soaked fingers.

Jake kisses from your thigh to your knee, “Are you okay?” He shifts, the tightness in his pants becoming unbearable.

Still tingling from your orgasm, you hum softly. “Mhm, I love when my boyfriend makes me feel good.”

Jake’s heart stops in his chest, all the air escaping his lungs, “Boyfriend?”

You nod slowly, blinking at him. “Yeah, you’re my boyfriend.”

“I am?” Oh, He’s so cute when he’s confused, your heart gushes, but your mind is saying something much different. “I mean—I am, I am, duh.”

“Jake,” you sit up, his shirt falling to your thighs. He does the same, carefully watching you as you put a hand on the back of his neck, “Did you think I let just any guy have me? Nothing wrong with that, but did you think I was that kind of girl?”

The blond opens and closes his mouth several times, and you try to ignore your arousal on his face.

“I asked you to be my boyfriend in that present I gave you months ago. The little blue bag with the yellow ribbon?” You frown.

Jake goes pale, “I thought that was the present for the secret Santa with our friends.”

You slap a hand over your face, a heat blooming all over your body, “that’s why Ransom was staring at me all night—you dork, I put a nude polaroid and a pair of my panties in that bag!”

“I’m sorry! Holy fuck, holy fuck.” Jake repeats, whipping out his phone to text his friend—I need that present from Christmas ASAP.

“I thought you accepted, that’s why we fucked that night.”

He just took that night as another one of your friendly roommate hookups—but looking back, you did seem softer, more loving—he feels like an idiot.

“Hold on, let’s get one thing straight, I obviously want you, so much that I lose all brain cells whenever you’re around. I just, fuck, I didn’t know,” Jake fears his chances with you are diminishing by the second. “I-I was gaming when you told me.”

Narrowing your eyes as he cowers slightly, you sigh, he’s a dumbass, but he’s your dumbass.

“You and your gaming, you’re lucky I’ve been telling everyone we’re dating—it’d just be humiliating to tell them we’re done already.” You cradle his jaw, feeling the rough hair under your palms.

“You’ve told people? Oh, thank fuck.” His cheeks flush red, he tries to kiss you but you lean away. “Baby, let me kiss—”

“—Since you like gaming so much, you can keep playing, daddy.” You reach over and unmute the headset, hitting play on the controller before settling on your knees between his spread thighs.

“Finally! What took you so long?”

Jake blinks owlishly as you pull down his pants, after rubbing over the growing bulge that first made an appearance when you walked out in your underwear. Jake happens to also be quite gifted between his legs—he’s the biggest you’ve ever had. Heavy and full balls, his cock is long, girthy and veiny, with a fat red leaking tip, you can’t help but collect his seed on your tongue. Moaning softly at the taste.

“Jensen?” Jake hears Bucky’s voice over the sound of you spitting on your hand.

“Uh—fuck,” he groans, muscles tensing when your hand wraps firmly around his length, but he’s too thick for your fingers to meet. You smile up at him, wet lips stretched wide as you start moving your hand, dragging it up and down his thickness. “I’m here, I’m—good.”

“Uh, you sure, bro? You sound a little off.”

You spit on the head, licking from base to the tip before sucking it into your mouth. The heavy weight on your tongue makes you clench your sticky thighs. You could feel yourself dripping.

“Y-Yeah, let’s just fuck—fucking play.”

The familiar intro music plays in his ears, but he can still hear your sloppy noises as you drool on his length. His hips jerk, shoving himself further between your lips. You gag before relaxing your throat, allowing him to slowly fuck your mouth, saliva escaping from the corners of your lips with each motion. Your watery eyes meet his, pleading for more, you loved when he took control.

Colin’s voice draws his attention to the television again, his fingers moving over the controller mechanically. His hips slow to a stop, and his chest rises with each breath, his quiet grunts get picked up by the microphone.

“Shit,” he groans as you suck one of his balls in your mouth, massaging the other. His eyes almost flutter shut.

“Yeah, these guys are assholes—Steve, take this ammo.”

“Mhm, I love your cock, daddy,” your voice is quiet, slightly silenced by his sack. Pulling away, you bring the tip back to your mouth, massaging his balls with your free hand.

Jake sighs, resting his controller on your head, using it to pull you closer, his thighs tense as his tip hits the back of your throat. He starts thrusting again, fucking your mouth gently, “That’s it—take it.”

Steve laughs, “Yeah, I’m trying to get to him, Jensen.”

Your vision blurs as his fat girth stretches your lips. Taking everything he has to offer—more of his thick and lengthy cock all the way down, until his trimmed pubic hair touches your nose. He keeps you there, soaking in the warmth of your mouth, then releasing you. Popping off lewdly, a string of saliva connects his red leaky tip to your lips.

You lick up the veins, kissing messily. “Tastes so good, I want you in the back of my throat.”

Your wetness drips down your thighs as he firmly locks his controller behind your head again. This time, he isn’t as gentle. Giving you what you asked for—hitting the back of your throat and sinfully choking you on his shaft. Delicate tears slip from your eyes, a stark difference to the roughness of his motions. It’s undeniably loud and slobbery, you wonder if the rest of the men could hear everything—you hope so.

He uses you, gaze flickering between your flushed face and the television. He switches between a slow pace and a faster one, letting you thoroughly taste his cock and mark him with your drool.

“Good gir—game, good game, guys.” Jake fumbles, pursing his lips when you cradle his balls in your hand, while the other braces against his thigh, your nails digging in as he fucks your throat.

“We aren’t done yet—Johnny, what the fuck was that!” Bucky exclaims.

“I don’t know—Jake, where the hell are you?”

“P-Please give me your cum—” You’re cut off by Jake shoving himself into your mouth again, hips rising off the couch with every pump and he forces you to meet his thrusts. His balls dully slap against your chin, your muffled cries are far better than the gunshots and explosions going off in the game. His abs clench, a stream of pleasure flowing through his body and taking over.

“Fuck,” He groans. Your head bobbing up and down, as he marvels at the drippy mess your face is. “I’m—”

“—Ah, fuck! I’m down!”

“—Coming!” Jake’s jaw falls slack, a low groan rumbling his chest as he fills your mouth to the brim. His seed splashes along the inside of your mouth and coats your tongue, so much that you’re practically choking on it. He knows this and pulls you off so the last streaks land on your face, filthily marking you.

You hum and swallow every bit of his cum, opening your mouth to show him. He tiredly smiles down at you, sitting pretty and wreaked on your knees, your cheeks and chin painted with his seed, the game long-forgotten.

“—and I’m fucking dead! Jensen, where the hell were you!”

The television flashes with defeat, the team letting out various groans of frustration as the screen turns black.

“He said he was coming.”

“Well, he lied and I died—thanks a fucking lot, Jensen.” Johnny huffs.

“Shut up,” Jake heaves, eyes dark as you swipe the globs of cum from your face. You giggle, sucking his seed from your fingers, keeping sultry eye contact. “I still got us to the checkpoint, while you fucked around.”

“Did you just run a mile? Why do you sound like that?”

You lay your head on his thigh, “hi, boys! Are Steve and Bucky there too?”

Jake shuts his eyes as the oohs flow in.

“And he said I fuck around—dude was getting railed.”

You have to strain your ears to hear that reply, but it’s worth it. After you crawl into Jake’s lap, you turn the microphone towards your mouth.

“He actually just fucked—or railed—my throat,” your voice cracks, “so, while you were costing the whole squad the game and being a dick, Storm, my boyfriend was making sure I knew who I belonged to by choking me on his big dick.”

Jake, still red-cheeked and a little sweaty, just stares at you. Wide blue eyes glued to yours as a quiet “damn” filters through his headset.

“Wait, boyfriend?”

Finally, he grins and flips you over so you're under him. “I’ll talk to you guys later.”

“We’re in the middle of a game—”

The connection cuts when his headset switches off, it clatters on the coffee table along with the controller as he settles between your thighs. His fingers rub between your bare folds, smearing your sticky juices.

Jake smirks, a mischievous twinkle in his eyes, “Remember how good nine felt? How about we try for ten, baby?”

𝐄𝐧𝐝𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐬: I love the ‘we’re dating but you don’t even notice’ trope, and it fits Jake perfectly in my opinion. I love him, hehe. I hope you enjoyed this !

As always, I’m open for your thoughts/feedback.

I don’t do taglists anymore. ˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ 𝐅𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐨𝐰 & 𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐧 𝐨𝐧 𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐢𝐟𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐦𝐲 𝐥𝐢𝐛𝐫𝐚𝐫𝐲: @𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐮𝐧𝐧𝐲𝐬𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐛𝐫𝐚𝐫𝐲

[very-gay-alkyrion]

Well, I live in Germany, and after being diagnosed in March of 2020 and starting out with pens and a dexcom G6 (really can't complain, and it worked like a charm with xDrip+), I got a MiniMed 780G in June of 2022.

Insulin costs here are minimal, the copay for everything that insurance covers is legally at most 15€ per box (so I pay about 10€ for a 5-pack of 10ml NovoRapid bottles).

When I moved to Munich in September, that caused some... problems (Long story, so more under the cut).

I'm really happy with my pump. I especially like the SmartGuard function, which automatically adjusts your basal rate, and can automatically give small corrections. Basically, I haven't had any dangerous hypo since I got the pump. And not having to bring pens and sugar and your meter and the whole shebang with you if I'm only on a quick trip to the grocery store by bike is such a big deal.

I have my pump, which is permanently clipped to my belt, and that's it.

Pumps, especially the semi-autonomous like mine, are such a big deal. I have to change the sensor and infusion set (the tube that goes from pump to body, and the thing that actually goes in your body) once a week (I have settled on Sunday morning), and then, based on my insulin consumption, I have to fill a 3ml reservoir somewhere during the week. It's technically also only rated for 7 days but if the insulin is fine, I'll go 10 or 12 days too.

And the rest of the week, you just enter carbs when eating, and if you're doing sport, you just tell it to go into temporary target mode for x minutes/hours (the pump targets 100/110/120, based on how you set it, and temp target aims for 150 and also lays off the autocorrections).

I can't describe how much my 780G has simplified my life.

So, I used to live in Lower Saxony, and then, after finishing school and starting a dual study program (basically, I go to university and vocational school, and am employed the whole time and get paid for uni etc), I moved to Munich because that's where my employer is.

Munich is in Bavaria, which is a different state than Lower Saxony.

Now, when you get an expensive piece of technology on prescription, there's usually a trial phase because your insurance wants to make sure that the 6k they're spending on a pump are actually being put to good use.

So, there's like three months of trial phase, and then your doctor sends a report to an independent (semigovernmental) body so that a doctor can assess the efficacy of the treatment.

Now, every state has their own assessment service, and I moved to Bavaria. However, I still had a return envelope for Lower Saxony.

You may see where this is going.

The insurance told the service in Bavaria to assess my data, meanwhile my data was being sent to Lower Saxony.

And of course, because Bavaria is the worst state in Germany (affectionate), they were apparently too stupid to call Lower Saxony up and be like "Hey, ya got any of them documents?".

So it's December, and my stuff is running out, so I call up my insurance and explain the whole situation to them, so they give me a temporary approval for my prescription so I'm not without shit.

Cue January, when I run low on sensors, I call up Medtronic and they're like "Yeah we got the prescription. Yeah the insurance approved it. No it doesn't cover sensors".

So, after some more phoning around, it turns out that sensors have to be prescribed on a SEPERATE prescription or for some reason something shits its pants and it doesn't work.

I already had submitted a prescription for sensors in late November, but by the time the temporary approval came, that prescription was invalid because they're only valid for 30 days.

But after calling up my doctor, they sent that out and by the end of January, I had valid prescriptions for all my consumables (infusion sets, reservoirs, sensors).

Or so you would've thought! Because the consumables (excluding sensors) were subject to temporary approval, they needed another prescription.

Now, I had a genius idea. Medtronic delivers via UPS, which is imo the worst of the worst when it comes to delivering shit.

There are other resellers that also carry consumables. HOWEVER, they do NOT carry the "Extended" consumables that have to be swapped every 7 days instead of every 3. So I had to wait for that prescription to come back, and send it to Medtronic directly.

But, by the end of February, shit was finally sorted out, for real this time.

If you take away one thing from this saga, let it be this: When you're dealing with administration bullshit, call them. One (friendly!!!) call is faster and more effective than ten emails.

What is being a diabetic wherever you live (I'd assume USA?) like? Any cool things, or annoyances?

Hey! Thanks for askin'

I actually live in the UK, so I really can't complain too much. I get all my prescriptions for free, so the worst part of the diabetes is dealing with myself 😭😆

I spent 8 months in Canada and that really made me appreciate completely free healthcare. I had to wait for my university health plan to kick in and it was pretty stressful to have to buy all my stuff at full price and then get a refund for it. It didn't cover the cost 100%, so I still ended up having a pay a few hundred dollars for insulin and supplies. Definitely made me think about how much I was eating. 😅🥲 Also I was really confused that your doctor prescribes you certain number of 'refills'. Which was interesting because I was definitely going to be diabetic the whole time I was there 😂

Buuut when I got back to the UK I got prescriptions for the Libre sensor which is amazingggggggg

How's the diabetes care where you are? 🤔

[muertawrites]

just a funny blurb i thought of at 2am but if you like the idea, have fun with it:

**SPOILERS FOR VOLUME 2 OF S4 READ AT YOUR OWN RISK**

______________

Dustin, poking Eddie with a stick and 101% done with his nonsense: Eddie, get up. You’re not dying on us.

Eddie, unbothered: Let me have my moment, Henderson. I can see the light. I hear the angels. It’s finally happening.

Dustin: Bullshit. You really wanna leave all your hard work behind? Hellfire? Corroded Coffin? Your graduation?!

Eddie, pouting like a child: Fuck Hawkins.

Dustin: Mmhmm. So… fuck (Y/N) too, right?

Eddie: ??? Uh I-I mean—

Dustin, standing up to leave: No, I understand. A guy like Steve will comfort her at your funeral, anyways. Think about the line of dudes waiting for this moment so they can finally snag your girlfriend away. They’ll hug and kiss her because y’know: you’re dead and tell your own girlfriend ‘it’s what Eddie would’ve wanted’—

Eddie, shooting up from dying: OKAY I FUCKING GET IT SHUT THE FUCK UP

dude i love this. eddie is such a Drama Queen it's totally his m.o. it's what the suffers should have actually done (my phone autocorrected their names but it fucking fits so i'm not changing it)

i also love Jealous eddie. steve's not really my type but even as an alt girl i've always had a lot of guy friends like him (i was really good friends with the varsity quarterback in high school and most of my guy friends in college were frat boys) so i have a massive soft spot in my heart for him. we would absolutely be bros and eddie would hate it.

so you would just be losing your shit when eddie and dustin don't turn up and steve being the big softie that he is would be like "no :((( " and immediately start comforting you. i'm talking rubbing your back, petting your hair, forehead kisses, hugging you as tight as possible and letting you cry into his chest. if eddie were missing for a couple days he would not leave you alone; he would even sleep by your side just so you had a familiar presence and someone to hold when you end up breaking down again. he knows what eddie means to you and he can't let you be alone in your grief. this man has some serious platonic love for you.

but then eddie turns up. pretty injured, but covered in makeshift bandages and fighting like hell to get back to you because he loves you so fucking much. when he finally sees you he gets tunnel vision, his face going totally soft and weepy because you're here, you're alive, and you're so goddamn beautiful.

and then he sees steve with his arms around you. and he just. squares up immediately. ("what the FUCK is up steve? no, what did you say dude, what the FUCK dude? step the FUCK UP steve")

to hell with his injuries. eddie shoves steve away so hard he falls flat on his back, and he wraps his arms around you so tight you think he might break you. but it doesn't matter. he's alive. and he's going to be okay.

"i'm here, sweetheart," he murmurs into your hair. "i won't ever leave you. i promise."

steve clears is throat.

"this is all very sweet but, uh, eddie, man? you're bleeding like. really heavily. we should get you to a hospital."

"you've done enough, harrington," eddie hisses back at him.

and of course while eddie is in the hospital you do NOT leave his side. you straight up storm past the police trying to keep you out of his room and tell them to go ahead, arrest you, but you're staying with the man you love. (if you're really into true crime like me you'll also go off about how they don't have enough evidence to press charges and they shouldn't even know he's here anyway because it's a confidentiality issue and that alone is enough for you to sue them)

eddie is so smitten with you in that moment. doesn't matter how much pain he's in, all he can think about is "my baby is so scary. ilhsm <3" (cue john mulaney's "my wife is a bitch and i like her SO MUCH" quote)

steve visits frequently to make sure you're both doing okay. he gives eddie a pack of marlboro reds and a handwritten card that says "i apologize for caring" on the inside as a peace offering.

eddie remains unconvinced.

(send me more asks / prompts, y'all!! my job hunt is going miserably and i need something to keep me motivated)

[shycolorstudent]

Dick Grayson fluff headcannon

In a different world, Dick is dating a civilian instead of Barbra. Gender-neutral pronouns were used. Also, SPOILERS for Young Justice seasons 1-4!!!! Mention of smut once. Sorry about grammar or spelling issues. My computer autocorrects too much.

-Dick likes to separate work and his home life. 

However, if he comes home bloody and beat up, you’ll be nagging him nonstop about what happened. 

Dick, of course, will cave in and ease your worry sying stuff like…

“It’s nothing. I’m fine.” 

“You should see the other guy,” Followed with a smirk. 

“Babe, don’t worry. It’s not as bad as it looks.” kissing your hands then pulling it close to his face.

-You're his only shred of being “normal.” Meaning he his safe place and hates it when his life as a hero mixes with you.

“Can we turn off the Tv? I was there. I would rather hear about your day.” Cupps your cheeks. “Why do you want to hear about my day? It was boring. You went to Markova and saved two people, one being the prince!  All I did was to work and pick up groceries.” You frowned, but Dicks eyes light up with stars. “Exactly better then mine! Because I know that your safe and I get a break from work talk. Keep on talking love.”

-Bruce Wayne THE Batman is your guy's number one supporter.

However, he didn’t trust you at first, but how Dick talked about you was incredible to Bruce. 

At first, Bruce thought it was puppy love but soon realized it was serious when he talked about having you move in with him.

“Are you sure about this, Dick? This is a big step.” Dick smiled like an idiot when Bruce said that. “I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life. I know that It’s a big step, but I want a life with them.” And with that said, Bruce never doubted his love for you. He knew that you loved Dick without question. He was more worried about your heart, considering he was a bit of a playboy.

Bruce trusted you when you found the Batcave. It was planned for you to find it. Dick didn’t even about it, but he was pissed when he found out Bruce didn’t trust you. You passed his test, and from that day, he would interest you with top-secret information. No one would suspect a civilian would hold this kind of information. 

-Dick loves giving you nicknames that sometimes he forgets your name,

Love

Mi Vida 

Sunshine

Babe

Cutie 

Dove

Cupcake

Chip

The list is endless 

-After moving in together, you quickly learn about Dicks nightmares. It’s mainly about Wally and Jason Todd's death.

Dick is a light sleeper, but on occasions when he has a nightmare, you can feel him moving.

Once he feels your body, he clings on and brings you closer to him. You wrap your arms around him, making Dick the little spoon. 

Eventually, his nightmares start to become less frequent.

Dick will apologize for the nightmare, but you always assured him that you don’t mind. I mean, he's fighting his own battles even in sleep.

-Dick will do anything to protect you. You're his life.

So this means your phone is hacked (with your consent, of course).

He as updates on you such as if there's a villain attack near your location, it will alert Dick and give you the best route away from the danger.

The Batfamily, when on patrol, always stops by and watches you from afar. Most are scared as to what will happen if something happens to you. Dick will be broken, and they will feel at fault. 

If your phone dies, you can expect Dick to think the worse and go looking for you with a group of himself if setting a team takes forever to assemble.

However, if he's on a mission, he will send out a speedster or Blue.

-Meeting the team, was a big deal. They grew up with your boyfriend.

You met his friends way before you guys became a thing, and it was awkward. He still didn’t tell you he was Robin. It wasn’t until he became Nightwing he had to get serious.

It was hard, especially for Wally, to hide his powers. He was so used to letting loose around the people he called family. But he was the best wingman.

Artemis liked you for many reasons. One, you were a clean slate for her, and she could go to you for any problem that wasn’t hero-related. 

M'gann also liked you and called you her sibling, sister, brother (whatever you prefer). M’gann was also the main reason Dick and you got together. Since Dick had no idea if you liked him back, he didn’t want to mess up the only thing that made him feel safe. M’gann played cupid. It was her thing back then.

Now Kaldur, he was so excited to meet you! And the two of you had a lot in common, which led him to protect Dick a lot. He didn’t want to see his dear friend crushed because he couldn't protect him enough. You were also his first surface world friend that wasn’t part of the team. 

Conner likes you and all but didn’t have that much in common. He does, however, love your baked goods (if you bake). It wasn’t until the breakup with M’gann that you two got close in college. You guys had classes together, and Dick liked the idea of having him with you for most of the week. He was running the team, although you understood that Dick was very important. Your boyfriend felt much better knowing there was someone to protect you. And he never got jealous because he trust you and Conner.

All and all, the team loves you and was so happy when they could let you in on the hero's life.

-On portal, Dick likes to be around the apartment complex.

When Barbra became paralyzed, you, without hesitation, became her part-time caretaker.

Barba lives a floor below yours, and Dicks and you two were friends way before Dick and Barbra met, so it only made sense she lived close to you guys.

Dick will bring pizza or takeout during his break. He loves seeing you relax with friends. He thinks thats the most you. You smile without putting on a mask.

-He respects your pronouns.

If your are cisgender, transgender, androgynous, he will call you his partner or whatever pronouns you prefer.

If someone doesn't respect your pronouns, they are in for a lot of pain.

He likes partners because, in a partnership, you need trust and respect. Your his rock, so it just fits.

-When he comes back home, you have three types of kisses.

A kiss attack It’s wet, and he ends up tickling you. The only way to get him to stop is to kiss him back.

If he hasn’t seen you in a while via days or weeks without warring, he will grab you by your waist, dip you down a bit cradle your head and kiss you deep and long. He doesn’t stop until you two needs air. Then as he's trying to catch his breath, he says, “Honney I’m home.” Then presses you closer to him.

Now when he's stressed or been gone for more then two weeks, It’s almost the same as the last one, but it leads him to grab your ass and say, “I need you. Can I fuck you?” And he will wait for your response not even thinkng to kiss you until he knows you want it too. If It’s no, then he’ll ask to kiss you more cuddle you, or just spent time with you. Now, if It’s a yes, then good luck your not walking for a while. I say calling off of work or plans is good deal. But hey you get a nice breakfast. 

The end! Let me know if I should do more and, if so, what kinds? And if I should do one-shots.

[maybeimhere]

Twisted Wonderland IRL, no magic + Americanized [Staff Edition]

The [Students Edition] from my previous post implied there’d be one for staff, so here we are

Notes: Swearing, may or may not mention stuff about murder idk 🤷‍♀️

Dire Crowley

He’s almost always gone on vacation

You can tell he doesn’t know wtf is going on or what he’s even doing in the morning announcements

He’s definitely forgotten the speaker was still on once and students heard him arguing on his phone and then crying because he’s getting divorced-

He’d also have one of every school merch that he’d wear or carry around in and out of school

Imagine he gets arrested during graduation because it turns out that he murdered his ex out of spite or because he keeps violating the restraining order his ex put against him 💀

Mozus Trein

History teacher (no brainer) who gives you like 283 assignments and tells you they’re due Monday next week and says he won’t accept any late work

Assuming he isn’t allowed to bring Lucius along, he’ll just have a framed picture of Lucius sitting on his desk

Tenderize him a little by asking about Lucius

He’s very strict and demanding as a teacher, but he’ll absolutely be the first person to drop everything to make sure his students are okay if he notices something’s off

I feel like he’s walked one of his former students down the aisle or officiated one of his former students’ wedding- there is no explanation, I just feel like he’s done one or both of these things before

He’s probably the advisor for the debate club

Divus Crewel

He’s the only science teacher in the building because there can only be one and that’s him he’s quirky like that

First day of school and each trimester/semester, he’s got a slideshow presentation where one slide is about him and then there’s just 50+ slides with pictures of his dogs

Don’t argue with him because he’ll destroy you- on god, this man isn’t afraid to fight a child

This man gossips with his students- he’s actively asking if there’s anything new going on while he’s taking a sip of his Starbucks

He probably got arrested later on in the year because he showed up to class drunk or because he has a meth lab at home 🤷‍♀️

Ashton Vargas

Advisor for all the sports clubs- he’s the coach for everything

You know that one PE teacher who says their grandma could’ve done a better job while you’re just there with your lungs struggling? Yeah, that’s him lmao

You get a fitness test every fucking week

You’re fucking surprised when you run into him at a grocery store and see that he has a wife and like three kids because he doesn’t bring them up in class

He’s actually very chill… he just got a lot of passion toward his interests lmao

Sam

Yeah this man runs the school store no questions asked

He’s the chillest mf out there and students often flock over to his booth or whatever just to hang out and talk to him

He’s down to provide counseling and advice

No Ambrose the 63rd because this man doesn’t exist in my memories 😔

Autocorrect was clowning my ass during this

Anyway, feel free to share your thoughts

[nerds4eddiemunson]

texting bf steve harrington

literally woke up from the best ever dream where steve was the clumsy bf of every person’s dream and we were texting.. will never recover so here are some things i learnt

texts SO much????? like.. he does not half ass it.

if you send him like 4 different messages of varying lengths…… he will send you back the same thing. to the dot.

literally knows exactly how to return the energy every time, so if you worry about texting too much or whatever, don’t, because he literally will just copy you every time with the energy

TEXTS BACK SO FAST HELP

it actually scared me like if you send him a message, you will genuinely, the moment you send it, see that he’s typing. he’s crazy.

had autocaps on until you turn it off for him.. he doesn’t get why because he’s kind of a grammar freak when texting (he relies entirely on autocorrect.), but you tell him it makes his texts look better and he just nods all-knowingly and says “oh ok”

thumbs up emoji. literally obsessed with it, like uses it so much it makes you crazy.

sends you his location???? absolutely like randomly.. he did it accidentally the first time but you replied with “you’re so close to me! :D” so he’s been doing it ever since just so he can know his proximity to you

texts you in the middle of class. literally forgets, he just texts you while on a boring shift, and stares at his phone and minutes pass without you replying and then he sends you one again… and again… and then robin has to remind him you’re in class and then he says “Oh!” and sends you three texts again to apologise for bothering you

will not keep a message within a single text bubble. the type to send a new text with almost every sentence it KILLS ME

has a really bad contact photo of you but won’t change it for the world. also has a really bad name as your contact and he literally giggles whenever it appears on his screen.

loves memojis but you made one of you (worst mistake.) in his phone and ever since then he’s sworn off the silly animals or the one of HIM and he just taunts you with a little you, often with the thumbs up . he’s a loser

sometimes he sends you the song he’s listening to and just says “good tune” and if you don’t reply he will be sad

also loves gifs like way too much. you had to almost bribe him to stop using it between every text and he was like “but it makes me laugh!” and you had to tell him that you would rather him actually text you in a written way than see the emotionally expressive little moving squares because.. that’s what texting is

until you told him that if he can’t swear off gifs then he can try voicenotes instead

mistake number 2. (gift, actually).

his yearning text tsunamis while you’re in class actually turn into a personalised podcast of voicenotes for you. literally the best part of the day is when you get out of class, put in your headphones and listen to all the chaotic little voicenotes.

my personal favourite is his first one he ever sent you, where he started it off with “goooood morning to my girlfriend!” followed by at least a minute of silence, followed by “that was horrible, what am i supposed to say?!” absolutely panicking. “robin, what am i supposed to say in a voicenote?” robin replies in a far-away voice, “i don’t know, they’re not my type.” (robin hates voicenotes, swears they’re an inconvenience… unless..) “anyway uhh… slow day at the store today. just sitting here. rearranged some tapes, that was the goal of the day. good for me. um. hope you’re having fun. learning stuff… come see me after your class? cheer up my boring day a little.”

and that was that, you were obsessed with his voicenotes and his boring days turned into a mission of recording good voicenotes for you. robin was convinced onto the side agreeing with voicenotes. she even recorded a few for you, taking the phone away from steve.

lastly, obsessed with the digital touch thing. he loves writing little notes back and forth, especially just drawing silly things it makes him GIGGLE. so he obviously goes crazy when you tell him about the little phone widget where you can constantly send drawings back and forth… you know no rest since you both set that up on your phones… “hello!! hru! : D <3” “r u busy : D” “what r u doing!” and then he draws little tapes, which means he’s rewinding or reshelving. or if he draws a little cup it means he’s on lunch break. but he always draws a little heart inbetween, because letting you know he loves you is more important than updating you about his day.. duh

[sly-merlin]

okey dokey! I'm gonna be a father!

Requesting pregnant reader scenarios, wanna see more of the guys’ duality balancing domesticity and impending fatherhood, and running the world, ya know 🙏🏾😎🤔😀 Just throwing the idea out there since you said we could. Y’know things like ‘I’m trying to leave to set up a meeting but her back is sore & she wants ice cream so one of u needs to suddenly be available. now’ & other things ig. I imagined Ty Kun, John Jae or Kun in as leader & probably hc or jaemin as the wife-sitters (lol)

Since you didn’t specify the unit,I did this with the few members from hyung line. This got so long that I ran out of ideas so let me know if you want me to write for some other members.  though j incorporated your ideas but i based it on the concept of them managing the treats in both hands. This is my first time doing reactions so leave some feedback if you wish! Have a nice day everybody.

(7 members) Ft. Taeil, johnny, taeyong, yuta, ten, jaehyun + kun

TAEIL 

"Let me message you back!" Taeil whispered into the phone and raised his body to observe your sleeping form. Your head was securely resting on his arm and he let out a relieved sigh as it was one of the few Lucky days when you were not thrashing around in your sleep. Day after day, you were getting uncomfortable with your heavy belly and all he could ever do was keep you company in your frustrations. He couldn't risk waking you up so he tried his best to complete the task in the painful position. He fidgeted with the phone for it was impossible to handle a 6 inch of metal device with one hand. Struggling with the grip for a few more seconds, he finally managed to send johnny a message regarding the inquiry.

Ask tae He has ab eztra key 2 my ofice.

Maybe he should turn his autocorrect on for situations like this!

Thinking his work was done, he locked the phone. just when he was about to put it on the nightstand on a blind guess, it vibrated again! 

John: He is out! You need to come asap.

He stopped to watch out for any movement from your side and when there was none, he shifted to his phone again.

Nt my pblm. 

He couldn't understand why johnny was being so persistent when everyone was under strict orders to not call him after 10 p.m unless someone was dying!

John: Jungwoo is in trouble with police. I need his fake ID!

Taeil’s scoffed a bit too loudly causing you to stir.  He paused in his actions only to continue when he noticed your even breathing. Weighing the options, he concluded that Jungwoo must have forgotten to pay for the food again or something like that otherwise if it was work related then johnny would have been screaming at his door and not through the phone.

Not his 1st time. dw too much. Jst send him some food so he wont cry like last tym.

He deserved that much punishment! With that he switched the device off and wrapped his arm around your waist, returning to the warmth he got to experience only at night times.

JOHNNY

You were on edge since the day you got yourself tested. You could blame it on the suddenly changing hormones or the never present johnny but one thing was sure that you were missing him more than ever. Johnny on the other hand, avoided going back home for the sole reason of finding himself incapable of taking care of you and his dangerous job. That’s why he had assigned hendery to be at your beck and call. He was a medic and since the other medical emergencies could be handled by xiaojun and renjun, hendery had no problem in spending some time with you. His company was full of funny stories of other members and silly jokes. Despite his endless efforts to distract you, the thought that your daughter’s father was missing the growth of his own child always remained at the back of your head. You couldn’t understand how all of a sudden his workload had increased so much that he barely had any time to even see your face let alone talk to you for a few minutes. But all your worries vanished the day he returned and sarcastically ordered hendery to show his donkey self out of his house to never come back again.

“I managed to prepone some important weapon deals”, he bowed gracefully to acknowledge his own achievements, making you chuckle at him, “and I’ve been rewarded with three months of holidays so I shall be spending these months making up for the lost time and creating new memories” he completed, kissing your forehead.

"I never said I need you 24/7. A few hours at most would do John" you said, knowing how his absence would affect the black neos. 

"Yeah. But then I realised what if my baby girl mistakes hendery for her father. Can't let that happen now yeah!" 

Masked under jokes, you were very well aware of the real reasons behind the toil he had subjected himself to! It was all for you and your baby girl and you knew he would do it again and again even if it meant the end of his life!

TAEYONG

 From sharp cold deadly glare to the dragon tattoo that adorned his neck and arms, fellow criminals had every reason to fear this man. His name, in the underworld, screamed  cursed royalty. But that was Lee taeyong, leader of black neos.

The taeyong standing right in front of you, struggling with multiple boxes of boards was anything but scary. Cladded in baby blue hoodie and black boxers, he was reading the manual, knocking down the structure again and again as he repeatedly found something missing from it. 

"Leave it tae. I can complete this later on. Come and eat now." You whined and suggested while taking bites from the creamy pasta he had prepared earlier. 

"what do you mean i can complete this later on. Do you find me incapable of making a crib?"

Yes you did!

But that was not the answer you could give when he was clearly trying his hardest. It was indeed baffling as to why the man who could assemble a weapon with his left hand was unable to join the pieces of a crib with both!

"No tae. You were out for three days so maybe you are just too tired to concentrate!" You explained in the politest way possible that clearly didn't reach him properly. He let out an audible gasp at what felt for him to be the accusatory tone.

"Eat your pasta and watch me complete this in half an hour! You'd regret saying that to me!"

Why was he the one with mood swings?

Just like other bubbling thoughts, you gulped down this one too and nodded enthusiastically, giving him a thumbs up as if you would never doubt his capabilities.

But you knew, he might have started the task but he was surely not going to be the one to complete it!

YUTA

“How about sakura?” hyuck suggested. Looks of disapproval were exchanged across the room and sound of mark hitting hyuck’s arm resonated in the living room.

“Cliche!” jaehyun laughed.

“Yes. We aren't naming our daughter sakura and that is final. She’s one of a kind and her name should also be!” you announced your arrival in the room and sat on the floor, making yourself comfortable between yuta’s legs. He wrapped his arms around your belly before leaning his neck to greet you with a sweet cheek kiss.

“Yes. What y/n wants, y/n gets. No sakura!” he held his one hand up in the air, forbidding any further discussion on the name.

"That's not fair!" Hyuck whined only to be dismissed by a wave from you.

"Just because it's not hyuck's choice doesn't mean that you have got right to choose by yourself. The baby is a part of this family so we get to decide what's best for her!" Ten exclaimed loudly getting everyone’s attention.

“How about ayaka?” kun suggested, entering the room with a trolley full of snacks. As the recommendations poured in, the snacks were passed to everyone. Days like these were rare and from the past two months, these rare days were spent daydreaming about the very first child in the black neos house.

“Akira? It’s quite universal you know.” mark joined in, reading the meaning of the name in different cultures and languages.

“Haru”

“No kai!” 

Somewhere in the conversation, yuta’s hands had travelled from your tummy to your sides. He knew the little brushes of his fingers had started to work on you as you swatted his hand away with yours. It only encouraged him and he tickled you on your sides more and more, getting the desired reaction. Your body being more sensitive and responsive than usual, you wiggled in his arms and squealed loudly enough to get everyone’s attention. Suddenly his hands stopped as he heard a whiny shout.

“Why are you bugging her?” hyuck hollered, “can’t you sit still for once? Let her breathe for a freaking second. You wanna tickle! Tickle me. Come tickle me but Don’t bother her!” 

You were aware of hyuck’s sudden outbursts of protection for you but this was truly something new! And you new tickles were not the reasoning behind his irritation. Sakura was!

“Le-let’s play a game”, kun interrupted before haechan’s frustration would land him into some trouble with the elder, “we’ll write all the suggestions into paper and whichever y/n chooses would be final. How does it sound?” 

Everyone hummed along to the idea. Looking over at Hyuck, you noticed a sudden glint in his eyes that spoke trouble. He was clearly planning something evil and until it was all fun and games, you had no trouble for his intentions.

“Since when did you get a bodyguard hmm?” yuta whispered, planting another wet kiss on your right cheek. 

“Yua.” you said.

“What?”

“We are naming her yua! When are you gonna tell them that i’ve already decided!” leaning backwards, you said in a hushed voice meant only for his ears.

“When they are tired enough to play any more games. Till then, let’s have fun. Look at hyuck, he’s surely gonna cheat and mark and renjun are going to strangle him.” yuta chuckled against your ear, making you laugh again. Life was good!

TEN

“Xiaojun! Xiaojun! Show yourself you good for nothing potato!” you winced at the volume of ten’s voice. Even though he was outside the room, his vocals were irritating. But you held your tongue from scolding him as he was the only one you could rely on at the moment. 

“Xia-

“Did bella bite you again? why are you shouting at-” xiaojun squinted at the wall clock and adjusted his glasses, “at 5:30a.m?”

“Half of the world is up you hibernating bear! y/n is craving ice-cream. You know better than to refuse her so go to her. Your service starts right now.” 

Xiaojun scoffed and remained glued to the stairs. Ten raised a brow questioning him but instead of answering him xiaojun came up with one of his own.

“And why aren’t you going?” 

“Switchblade prince is called so I gotta go. I don’t think you want her to wait!.”

Xiaojun groaned when ten shot him a wink and left the living room. Of course he had no trouble in tending to your demands which as a medic, he understood very well but ten’s cockiness wasn’t something he was ever ready to handle.

“y/n! What does our prince wanted to eat this early in the morning?” he smiled at you, plopping down on the edge of the bed.

“Apples and bananas.” 

“I meant what ice cream flavour do you want?”

“Ice cream? Who said ice cream? I want bananas.” you answered him, confused at his confusion!

It was only then that xiaojun realised that switchblade prince was never called in the first place. Ten had fled. Due to fruits! He was contemplating as to what extent he should be manipulating ten’s words while telling you about his betrayal when you spoke up.

“Umm. i guess we can eat mint chocolate as well. I’ll eat a banana chocolate sandwich first then we can both watch a movie and finish the ice cream. What do you say?”

Ok!  Maybe revenge could wait. Ice cream would be a priority here! 

JAEHYUN

If your husband was cocky, you were seriously too many steps ahead of him and it has taken only 10 days for jaemin to realise that you were just jae's cup of tea and no one else's, at least not as a 4 months pregnant woman. 

"Why are you sitting on the floor?" Jaehyun laughed at jaemin sprawled on the floor like a toddler. 

"Noona screamed at me" jaemin mumbled, hiding his face in his neck.

"Oh jaemin! Why did she do it? Were you teasing her again. You know that she doesn't take sarcasm too we-

"No. She threw up the food i made for her and that too thrice since yesterday. I got angry so i told her to eat up or else i won't be making anymore for her. She threw the pillow at me and ordered me to never talk to her again! I mean it's not like i was showing real anger! She's hungry since yesterday. If she won't eat up then she'd be sick. What did I do wrong! Now I made her favourite pasta and she won't open the door for me."

Jaehyun sighed and crouched down to jaemin's level. He knew your emotions weren't in your control anymore but jaemin wasn't wrong either. He was just doing what was right for you and unintentionally, you had ended up hurting the poor boy. Jaehyun patted jaemin's hair before he told him to inform taeyong about his possible absence from the upcoming meetings and activities.

"You can't do that." Jaemin said the obvious.

"Do you want her to eat or not!" Jaemin frantically nodded at him before running off to the main office.

Heating up the pasta, jaehyun made his way to your shared bedroom in black neos. 

"Baby open up it's me!" He knocked at the door and hearing his voice,you immediately opened it. 

"You are here!" You exclaimed, feeling beads of moisture in the corner of your eyes.

"Aww. Now is not the time to cry." He cooed, entering the room with the tray. Placing it on the coffee table, he turned around and hugged you just the way he missed you.

"I'm sorry for being occupied and only coming back at night. But I'm here for a few days so let's get you all happy like a seal!" He laughed, ruffling your hair.

"I-i yelled at jaemin for no reason." You confessed not being aware that he was already filled in by the younger boy. 

"You wanna apologize?" You nodded as he squished your cheeks in his hands and leaned in to kiss your pouty lips. 

"Later on! Now's the time for evening lunch and getting this food in your tummy without it backfiring!" 

You laughed at how smoothly he eased your worries. After eating properly, you apologised to jaemin which he accepted but not before crying like a little boy he was!

Bonus :

KUN

"Yangyang what the heck are you doing near y/n. I told you to keep your meaningless books away from her!" Kun felt like his blood pressure would shot up anytime soon.

"What are you talking about?"

"Oh really? What's the book that you are reading to her?"

"How to walk like a pro when you are only 2 months old! I want the baby to be high class like me."

Kun's hands found refuge in his hair as he groaned at the boy. Now he needed to read all the books that could possibly reverse yangyang's teachings.

"There is no such book available."

"Yeah that's why i wrote it by myself. Pulled an all nighter but when the baby would start walking at only 2 months of age, you'd thank me!"