#can you tell i love the 'anxious engineer who wanted no part of the war' interpretation of spiderton? bc i do

[pearldog30]

The boys finding out you had a miscarriage.

ghost, hesh, rudy, soap.

Here's a little something for y'all 🖤

I know it's not much. but I want to get back into writing, especially since I'll be playing MW3 hopefully soon. (I haven't done an HC in forever so this might be a little rusty)

Other works 👉 Master list

Warnings| miscarriage.

Ghost👻

You were just coming home from work, when you noticed your boyfriend was home early. The first time he was home early enough for you to actually talk to him. as he has been avoiding you, since you told him you were expecting. you knew you had to break the news to him now, As now would probably be the only time to do it. When you walked in he could tell something was up. "Hey love. You want 'a tea?" He asked, as he was heating up some water. "hey babe.... Can we talk?" You said lightly, trying not to sound upset. Ghost nodded his head in return waiting for you to finish your sentence. "I... Hmmm I had a miscarriage..." You said quietly. expecting not to get a reaction from the man who didn't even really want the kid, from what you thought. Before he turned his head, you could tell his eyes widen in shock. He looks at you blankly and you couldn't tell what emotion was going on in his head, And it kinda scared you.. "when?" He said quietly, and softly those being his only words. it took you by surprise. "I- about a week ago..." You said nervously. he quietly walked up to you, wrapping you in his arms giving you a tight, but gentle hug. "You should have told me sooner..." He whispered. As he held you close. Even though he never showed it often, you really were everything to him.

We all obviously know how ghost felt when you told him you were pregnant. he wasn't excited or mad about it, just anxious because well... you know. This mf traumatizing past So when you broke the news to him it took him by surprise, he wasn't expecting to feel a bit saddened by the news.

If we're being honest here a little tiny part of him did like the idea of you taking care of his child. maybe, just maybe... a beautiful family of his own, like he's always dreamed of before he got in a war. but he never thought he was worthy enough to be a father.

Ghost blames himself for the miscarriage thinking he was the reason or he did something to cause this. And because of it he pushed himself away from you for a while.

He didn't even bother to try to sleep for a while after you told him. He would stay up countless of nights watching you sleep, making sure you got rest. Because he knew the toll it took on your body from all of this.

Anytime any of the other 141 members would ask him about the baby. he would either glare at them or tell them to shut it, he honestly did not like talking about it. Or even think about it. It really did hurt him in a way he was not expecting

Hesh🌴

My bb because he doesn't get talked about enough

You were sitting in your living room waiting for your fiance to get home from his 4 month deployment. anxious to break the news to him. Before he had left you told him you were expecting, and he was over the moon to find out he was going to be a dad. And now here you are sitting in your living room having to be the bearer of bad news. Getting lost in train of thought, you hear an engine pull into the driveway. before you know it, your fiance is busting through the door so excited. "Hey babe I'm home. Where's my little munchkin at" he says excitedly, expecting to see you holding his baby. scanning the room. and then he's met with you sitting on the couch hunched over. and and the site hit him like a ton of bricks, he knew something was wrong. "baby... Everything good?" He says quietly, crouching down next to you. Looking at him with tear-filled eyes, you struggle to get the words out. "I- i lost the baby..." You say through a sod, and he felt his eyes immediately begin to water. "Wha- how I mean.... That's impossible!" He says trying to comprehend all this. He puts his hands on your knees, forcing you to look at him. "I- I'm so... So sorry." He says looking at you, before he pulls you into a tight hug. and you could feel the tears running from his eyes.

In the beginning it was really hard for the both of you, but especially him. to go or even be around all the baby stuff you guys got. he barely stepped foot in the baby's room/let anybody open it for the first few months.

It was extremely difficult for him to break the news to his team, because he felt like a coward for leaving you alone for that long, feeling like it was all his fault since he wasn't there for those long months, he's the reason you lost the baby.

After that it was really hard for him to be around kids. because he would always imagine what it would be like if it was his kid.

Even after the baby was gone you would sometimes catch him talking to his dad about baby stuff/asking for advice. and Elias would always look at him, And ask him. "are you guys expecting again?" It always hurt hesh deep down when he told him no. that wasn't the case, he just... Found some comfort in talking about it he supposed.

You would often find him in the early hours of the morning, talking to Riley about all the little scenarios in his head if the baby were here. or how he blames himself for not being there the day you lost the baby. Okay him talking to Riley about the baby tho😭

Soap🧼

You were in your kitchen making dinner, waiting for your boyfriend to come home. Today was your second week, check up. You had walked in that building with high hopes, and left feeling like you lost a piece of yourself. As you were chopping up vegetables, you hear your boyfriend come in through the door. letting out a long breath you didn't know you had. "Hey Bonnie!" he says in a grunt. as he drops his bag down on the floor, walking up to you. hugging you from behind, putting his massive hands on your little baby bump. "How's my 2 babies doing?" He says cheekily, leaving countless of kisses on your neck. "Uhh... We're good" you say nervously, trying your hardest to hide all the pain you felt today. you want to at least have dinner before you have to tell him. But he quickly notices, he always does. "Mhm... How did the appointment go? Do we know the gender of this little thing right here" he humps happily. As he gently rubs your bump. But you don't respond. You pretend as if you didn't hear him, as it is still too painful to talk about. There's a long pause, as he taps your shoulder again. "How. Did. The. Appointment. Go.?" He says now starting to get impatient. Struggling to find the words, he pulls you tighter into his touch. making you forget what you're doing. "Is everything okay?" He says softly starting to get worried. "No..." You burst into tears and this makes him worried. "What happened... Talk to me Bonnie." He demands, but in the most gentle Way. "W- we... Don't have the baby anymore" you cry. He hugs you from behind even tighter, as he starts to get emotional. "Fuck!.." where the only words he could get out, before he buried his face in your shoulder. grieving this lost with you.

You weren't expecting soap to take it as hard as he did. But when he found out he got depressed for a couple of weeks. it took a lot to get him out of that depression state. Even some of the guys were getting worried about him.

The first person he told was surprisingly price. even though price doesn't have kids of his own. he was very supportive, and knew exactly what to say. You were thankful for the captain because he had help soap get out of his depression. and had actually given him a couple weeks off, so he could take time for himself, and you of course. Because we all know ghost would have been like try for another 💀

Even though you guys had the lost baby, soap would still rub, and talk to your belly all the time, it was just a comforting thing for him. almost like a habit. and you'd have to remind him the baby isn't there anymore. And his response would always be. "Oh, Yea' I knew that..."

Surprisingly not short after. soap has started coming around and bringing up kids more and more. trying to bring up the idea of trying for another. Because now all that fills his mind is the idea of you being a mom. the idea of domesticated life with you, away from the battleground. is something he's starting to crave more and more.

On the nights that soap couldn't sleep, you would always find him in the nursery that was supposed to be the baby's room. Zoning out while holding one of the baby's books/onesies. it would always break your heart each time, because these were the rare moments where you could see the pure care, and love, he had for this baby.

Rudy🥺

You and your husband were on your way for your second week, ultrasound appointment. So excited and happy. You guys have been trying for so long to have a baby, And before you know it, your guys's dream is coming true. you're getting called back into an ultrasound room, where you would be finding out the gender before too long. As you lay on the table nervous, your husband sitting right next to you holding your hand. "Mi amor everything's going to go great! I know it." He says, having the biggest smile on his face. this was the day he had been so excited for. Soon one of the nurses comes in and begins the ultrasound. but soon all of that excitement had died down, when the look on her face quickly changed and she had excused herself from the room. Leaving you with this gut-wrenching feeling, of horrified. You look to your husband and both of you shared the same expression. "I'm sure it's fine" he says, trying to assure you. but you both know... Before you know it one of the doctors comes in. and the look on their face is not anything good. "Ms and Mr parry. I really hate to break this bad news but.... It seems that you had a miscarriage..." the doctor says, and it takes everything you had not to breakdown right then and there. "I'm sorry for your loss. One of the nurses will be in with you soon to go over everything" she says before she leaves you 2 alone. Looking to your husband, he's trying his hardest not to cry too. "I- how.... We've done everything we should have." He says, trying to find some sort of an excuse. Gripping your hand even tighter, he gets up and leans a kiss on your forehead. "We've tried so hard... I just don't understand." He whispers in your ear. As he held your hand tight.

When Rudy found out he took a couple weeks off work to be with you. As you were now his only priority, and he had to make sure you were okay.

You and Rudy had actually kept this secret for a while. as you guys were grieving a horrible loss, you'd preferred to stay quiet. You decided not to tell anybody not even Alejandro until you couldn't keep it a secret anymore.

A few weeks after. he had actually called Alejandro to take all of the baby stuff for him and his wife since they were expecting. and a part of Rudy was jealous, even though he was happy to see his best friend starting his own family. a part of him couldn't help but ask himself why? why it couldn't have been you and him.

Anytime you and him would go to the store and if there was a baby section he would always point to it and go "look mi amor... Maybe it's a sign for us to try again?" He would say hopeful, because this man really deep down just wanted to be a dad.

Something that you didn't know was Rudy always kept an ultrasound picture in his vest pocket. Even now after the baby was gone he still does. it's a little reminder for him of what he's fighting for. even if he didn't get the chance to meet that little of bundle of joy in this life, He hopes he can in another.

And that's going to be the end for this. I hope you all enjoyed this little HC, it was a random thought and I just knew I had to do it. (Also but for some reason doing the actual HCs were so difficult like my mind went blank when I got to them 😭) Also And happy late Thanksgiving for all the people who celebrate. anyways I hope you are having a good day/night wherever you are. Reblogs, comments always appreciate it 🖤

Tags: @alexkellersleg @macravishedbymactavish

@walker33961

[thephoenixandthecrocodile]

Thoughts on Rings of Power Episode 07 (spoilers) - Part 1

Not going to lie, I’m not sure I’m ready for this episode.

Aw, Brimby with his cup of tea, enjoying a nice, peaceful morning…

“Hello, Mr. Mouse.” :3 I love how Celebrimbor can range from arrogant and proud to adorable

“Have you fallen?” “You know how forgetful you can be.” “I trust you are not feeling overwhelmed again.” Fuck you, Sauron, you gaslighting, abusive ass

Although Sauron seems genuinely happy when Celebrimbor thanked him.

“When the world is still…” so Celebrimbor is just an autistic gay who wants to make things all day. I understand that feeling completely.

Also I genuinely believe Sauron will regret the end of his partnership with Celebrimbor (Celebrimbor, not so much, haha)

Love, love, love the transition from peaceful Celebrimbor world to reality, although I would have liked a better passage of time because apparently the city has been under siege for weeks?

“Valar bless you, my lord” to Sauron. XD

Also fuck you, Sauron, for making Celebrimbor sound like a feeble minded old man. -_-

“Proven your quality” and my mind immediately went to Denethor and poor Faramir.

So, my dumb ass was like, ‘wait are the Orcs really going to build a dam?” And Adar’s like, nope, just going to throw a shit ton of rocks at this mountain face until it crumbles and dams the river.

This is why I’m not an engineer and he was in his past life XD

I love how Celebrimbor can ignore explosions, screams, and everything else going on outside, but the mouse gave the whole thing away

Do you think Celebrimbor raised mice as a child?

And he was very smart to mark the candle to see if it actually changed

And King Durin III is being an asshat as usual

 Fucking love that Disa and Durin are defending the mind all by themselves. Such bad asses

And, YES, DISA GETS TO HOLD AN AXE IN THIS EPISODE

Yay, Narvi!

“This particular elf has been banished from all dwarven lands” Durin IV: YES!!! THIS IS THE BEST NEWS I’VE HEARD IN WHAT FEELS LIKE A CENTURY!”

More Durin-Elrond bromance!

“Tidal-hared, flowery tongue, flagpole” XD

“I’m about to overthrow my father. What have you got?” XD

I love the pain in Elrond’s face as he realizes what overthrowing Durin III must cost Durin IV and how impossible his ask for Durin’s army really is

That one Orc LOVES his life beating the war drums haha

Also, can I just say the Orcs have been incredible this season? Love the practical effects and their different personalities we’ve been able to get glimpses of throughout the season

The Ravager, a combination of Grond and that one orc from Two Towers with the bombs

Oh my god this entire conversation between Celebrimbor and Sauron about the fucking mouse XD Pure gold

Love how anxious and yet proud Celebrimbor looks when he points the pattern out to Sauron

“Captivating.” XD

It must kill Sauron as Celebrimbor tears apart his “perfect” illusion

Yeah, Celebrimbor is fighting back!

LOVE the eye twitch when Celebrimbor calls Sauron out on his bullshit

Poor Celebrimbor once he realizes what is actually happening to his city.

The tears. The scream. My God give Charles Edwards ALL THE AWARDS!

Sauron’s fucking blood!!!

“True creation requires sacrifice.” Given what we know about Sauron, that line is probably when he first fell in love with Celebrimbor

I love how I know Celebrimbor is telling the truth, but he just sounds crazy when talking to Mirdania

I don’t really blame Mirdania for being like, “uh, ok, grandpa, go back to bed now.”

This whole scene is soooo painful. Poor Brimby. No one believes him.

“Get you back where you belong” and then over the wall Mirdania goes. ☹

Elrond on a horse!!!

Elf Charge!

So, was Gil-Galad not even invited to Adar’s tent? XD He is High King after all and he’s…somewhere on the battlefield.

Love the contrast between the Elves bathed in light and the Orcs covered in darkness

How in Valar’s name did they halt that charge?!

I’ve been wanting this Adar-Elrond showdown for a while!

Yes, Elrond, it would be foolish to bring the ring with you -_-

Elrond’s faith in Celebrimbor. So pure

Melian! A Melian reference!

Also, Adar just likes to flirt with all his prisoners, huh?

Ooo Elrond getting into the Orc’s heads.

This is why Adar is such an amazing and tragic character. He wants to desperately protect his children in a world that wants to destroy them and then Sauron comes back and he knows Sauron will reclaim what he feels is “rightfully” his, so he has to sacrifice more and more of his children to defeat a foe he thought long defeated and even though it would make sense for the Orcs and Elves to work together, they can’t because of personal bias, misconceptions, and downright racism.

I absolutely adore how this episode in particular doesn’t glorify war. Instead, it points out how fucking stupid this battle actually is. Adar and Gil-Galad could ride into Eregion together and save Celebrimbor and defeat Sauron, but because the Elves will not give a homeland to the Orcs and Adar knows he can’t trust the Elves, they’ll just slaughter each other while Sauron gets what he wants

That kiss is such a Rick O’Connell, “Well I was about to be hanged. It seemed like a good idea at the time” moment. You can see poor Elrond’s brain short circuit with the pressure he is under, and he just does the first thing that pops into his head and Galadriel’s face XD The “there are a hundred and one different ways you could have given me this brooch and that’s the one you go with?” look

Durin’s war speech! No notes. Fucking amazing

Poor Brimby changed to his desk ☹

Durin the IV the king Khazad Dum needs and deserves

So old king Durin has completely lost it, huh?

Ove that horses kick as much ass as their owners in this series

I’ve been dying to see Elrond fight for soooooo long. Robert does an amazing job showing the warrior side of Elrond

Oh no the horse! That’s right, Elrond, kick that Orc’s ass!

Love that Elrond takes a moment to say goodbye to his horse. So sweet and sad.

“You told us you loved us” “With all that is left of my heart” literally sobbing at this exchange. Poor, poor Adar. He knows in his heart that he has lost the love of his children, but if he can kill Sauron and free them forever, then it’s worth it. ☹

[oughthescrunklies]

assorted sketches ft. akumaton biology, some woken-up-at-an-ungodly-hour kuwagong, and a very basic spiderton concept

[raggaraddy]

Can you Taehyungs version of reader being shot cause of them?

I really like your Jimin and Namjoon Version that you’ve written🥰

Request from @dramaclub-thin: Mafia BTS where the reader is shot for/because of them.

A/N: It is so much longer than I meant for it to be. Hope you enjoy! Thanks for reading.

If anyone else wants to request, you can here.

Mafia Bangtan other parts:

Namjoon

Yoongi

Jimin

Jungkook

---------

Deception.

Summary: When you agreed to help Bangtan take down one of their enemies, you never imagined it could go so wrong.

Trigger warning: Smut, violence, blood, murder.

Taehyung

Mafia! Taehyung

"Are you ready?" Namjoon asks, shutting off the car's engine and turning around in his seat.

"Yeah," you nod back, hoping the rocking pit of nerves in your stomach isn't visible on your face. Scanning back and forth between him in the front and Jin sat beside you, you're checking to see if they are showing any signs of worry either. Finding a bit of solace in their surety.

"We're gonna lag behind about 20 minutes to be cautious and stay out of sight. But we'll be close. Just do everything like we said, and you'll be fine." Namjoon summarizes once again. Jin offering you a kind, reassuring smile to accompany the leader's words.

You nod again, sucking your tongue to the roof of your mouth. Running your fingers through your hair to fluff it for the 30th time. Hyperfixated on the time, you see the dashboard clock tick over. 20:21.

"Okay, let's go." You exhale deeply.

It was three weeks ago that Namjoon came to you with a problem that Bangtan was facing. Their weapons dealer was forcefully put out of business, which was Namjoons gentle way of saying he was killed, cutting off their supply to automatics and other bigger guns. Leaving them vulnerable. The man who took over their previous partners supply was known to be working with some of the other, smaller local crews. It was also known that he was a rival of Namjoon's and due to this tension refused to work with Bangtan. Normally, a problem like this would be something that they could handle. However, as Namjoon explained it, this guy was backed and protected by foreign money and was too hot to touch without starting a bloody war.

So the plan was simple. Risky, but simple. The supplier had to die. And it needed to appear to be from natural causes, so it could never fall back on Bangtan. No one directly affiliated could be involved. That meant none of the members could risk doing it. It also meant that it was too high a priority to trust an associate or hired gun with this information. Not with the reach and money the opposition had. No, it had to be someone within the family that could handle this, but someone the supplier would never know.

Opportunely, the supplier was known to have a weakness for women, hence the logical conclusion for Namjoon was one of the member's girls. Trustworthy enough not to turn or rat, not likely to be noticed among the myriad of other women, and except a few of them, all had no record linking them to Bangtan, so they would be complete unknowns.

Jin said it, but you already knew it. Out of all of the girls, you were the one who was the most capable. Your difficult past left you with many emotional scars but made you the best person to handle the responsibility. You're not susceptible to intimidation. Have very few moral hangups. And most importantly Namjoon knows how much you love Taehyung. How you would do anything for him. To keep him safe and happy. He knows he can trust you, and that when the time comes, you wouldn't hesitate to do what they needed you to.

As for you, you knew that Taehyung trusted Namjoon irrefutably and you had seen countless times that he was a good leader. Furthermore, you could appreciate the gravity of the situation. Because you're sure that if Bangtan's brain had any other choice, he would not have asked for your help. But since he had, you were going to do what was necessary to keep your family and Taehyung safe.

The problem was that Namjoon had insisted on secrecy. The only ones to know about his plan were you, him, and Jin. A few years ago, sure, lying would not have been a problem for you, you hardly ever told the truth to anyone. But this changed when you met Taehyung. He was the first person you could be honest with, the first person you ever let love you. And lying to him was something you were genuinely struggling with.

However, you knew Namjoon and Jin were right. There was no way Tae would have been okay with you being put in harm's way and he wouldn't be able to separate his feelings from the urgency of the task.

Although, that justification doesn't make you feel less guilty for deceiving him. And to make matters worse, you expected this to be over with last week already. But on your first date with the supplier, he had left the club early to deal with work suddenly. Giving you no time to spike his drink.

So here you were, attempt number two.

While you were meant to meet the supplier at a fancy restaurant first, Namjoon's plan was to skip that and get to his house as quickly as possible. Before the valet could open the supplier's car door, you leant through the open window, teasingly licking your lips. "I just realized," you purr, noting his eyes drop to your mouth and back. "I'm actually not that hungry. So how about we skip to the end of the night, and then you can take me out for breakfast tomorrow morning."

Your blatant offer works like a charm. 20 minutes and a car ride later, he's pulling you down onto his couch. Hardly able to keep his hands or lips off of you.

Tearing at your blouse he rips the buttons apart, his mouth sucking and licking at your neck. One of his hands roaming and grabbing at anything he can, while the other starts to hike up your pencil skirt. He removes his vest and buttoned shirt, not once parting his lips from yours. His large, hard chest muscles pressing against you as he pins you in between his arms and the couch. Spreading your legs apart, he grinds his crotch into your core and you can feel what effect this is having on him. And you have to admit, despite your mind being focused elsewhere, physically it's having the same kind of arousing results on you.

But this isn't what's supposed to happen. He's moving too fast and it's quickly getting away from you. You only want to get him comfortable and distracted enough that he completely lets his guard down. You're trying to poison him, not fuck him.

Pushing his chest lightly, you spring upright. Slightly out of breath you pull your hair over your shoulder covering up a little and running your fingers through it, trying to regain some composure.

"I could use a drink." You pant, batting your eyes up at him.

"Sounds good." He nods, his gaze dark and ravenous. Suddenly haulting he leans back down to kiss you. His hands gripping your hips as he kisses you back into the sofa. Abruptly leaving you flat on the couch with flushed cheeks.

This is better. One or two drinks from now, you should be able to slip him the ricin. He drinks it, you fake a headache, and skip home.  24 hours from now he has a heart attack and dies from natural causes. Nothing tied to you. Nothing connected to Bangtan.

"I hope you like-"  The supplier calls out, only to be interrupted by a grating smack at the front of the house. You startle upright, sitting alert watching the hall entrance. He comes from the other side, coming back from the kitchen, a curious look on his face. Both of you staring at the same doorway as Taehyung suddenly comes in.

Fuck.

Your eyes go wide, half not able to believe he is actually here. He wasn't supposed to be!  Namjoon had arranged for Jimin to take him out tonight. And you had told him you were going to meet some of the other girls.

The thing you didn't know; a week ago when you met the supplier at the club, you had also said you were out with a few girls, including Jimin's girlfriend. But she was with Jimin at that time. And Jimin was with Taehyung. And she knew nothing about any plans to go out.

So when you said there was a movie night tonight, he asked around and found out that was also a lie. He wanted to trust you. To trust that it wouldn't be as bad as his worst fear. Still, the more he thought over how you lied to him, the more he worked himself up, getting himself into a paranoid and anxious state. Until he found himself tracking your phone, following you to an unknown house.

Seeing you half undressed and with someone he considers an enemy, his anger and jealously turns to pure rage. It only taking a second for the scene in front of him to confirm his worst suspicions.

Unleashing his gun he shoots wildly at the supplier. Reason slipping from him completely.

Barley able to avoid being hit, the supplier dives behind one of the sofa chairs. Nearly being riddled with the showering of bullets.

Wrapping your hands over your head, you cover your ears from the explosive sounds. Still firing, and keeping the supplier pinned, Taehyung storms at you.

"Tae-" you start. The gun empties, but Taehyung couldn't care less, tossing it aside. All of his attention focused on you.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?!" He growls through gritted teeth. His hand flying down smacking your cheek, slapping you back into the sofa. "How could you do this to me?!" He screams, his voice wavering from the emotion in his question.

"I can explain," You ignore the burn on your cheek, running your hands along your body, trying your best to cover and redress yourself.  You never wanted him to see you like this, and the look of betrayal in his eyes is stinging your heart more than any slap could.  "I-," you begin with no next word coming. There's nothing you can tell him. Not while the supplier is right here.

Taehyung's anger aside, you're terrified to think what him being here means. Namjoon's plan is completely derailed. And Taehyung attacked the supplier, creating an entirely new problem. You're not the smart one. You have no idea what to do or how to fix this.

Where the hell are Jin and Namjoon?

Taehyung is so fixated on you that he doesn't see the other man charging from the side.

"Look out!" You scream. Only it's a second too slow. Taehyung doesn't have time to react and the supplier swings a ceramic table ornament at his head. The shattered fragments raining over you, as your boyfriend is knocked to the ground. The shoe of the imposing man booting into Taehyung's torso.

You dive towards them, driving your body weight into the supplier to separate the two men. Pushing him away as his heel scarcely misses Taehyung's face.

He stumbles back a few steps and straightens up, nodding and pursing his lips with a look of revelation. Seeing you spring to Taehyungs defence revealed much more than you had intended.

While you're attempting to help Tae upright, he quickly shirks you off and lunges at the other man diving through him and dragging him to the floor. Fighting for dominance and survival, the two men break into a brutal fight trading blow after blow as they struggle to overpower the other.

While you're relieved to see that Taehyung is the more skilled of the two, and mostly has the upper hand, you're mainly sick with worry. The ramifications of this will play out beyond this simple fistfight.

All you can do is get Tae out of here for now, and hope that the supplier hasn't realised that this was an attempt to kill him. Maybe if you're really lucky he will only think of it at face value. A cheating girlfriend and her jealous boyfriend.

"Tae," you grab his arm, dragging him back with resistance. "We have to get out of here. Please,"

He drops the supplier's collar, who falls back limply. Turning to you he has blood pouring down his face from a cut on his cheek. Intensifying the cold look in his eye.

"We? What we? Don't you wanna stay here with this piece of shit." He snarls, standing up.

"I can explain after." You tug him again. He can hate you all he likes later. But first, you have to get out of here. "Please," you beg for his agreement.

Staring harshly, he retreats from you. A pained look in his eye that cuts you more than any blade could. Anger, hate, rage. You could handle all of it. But there's so much hurt and sadness on his face. It's nothing you ever wanted to be responsible for. It's more than you can bear.

"Tae," you hold your hand outreached, gingerly approaching him.  He doesn't withdraw further, allowing you to rest your hand on his cheek. Your heart breaking further as he leans into your touch. Resting in your palm for comfort like an injured puppy. "I promise, baby, this isn't what it looks like." you coo, "I love you so much,"

His eyes close, his face scrunching in anguish. He wants to believe you so badly. To forget everything he has seen. To take you home and never let you go. He may be the first person you let love you, but for him, you are the only person he ever let himself love.

Turning, you use his softening demeanour to lead him towards the door. But the supplier pulls your attention. Neither of you were paying him any mind and standing in the corner of the room he's pulled his own gun from hiding.

Reacting without a thought you shove your back into Taehyung, covering him. Guarding him.

At the same time, a shot rings out and the bullet hits you. A painful, sharp sensation piercing through your torso that makes you stumble back. Losing your footing you fall into Taehyung, your body never hitting the ground. Taehyung catching your weight, lowering with you. Resting you on his legs.

Taehyung grimaces in pain, his hand wrapping his own side momentarily. The bullet went clean through you and cut his side before flying into the wall behind the both of you. Dismissing his own injury, he leans over your body, ripping off his shirt and pressing it and his palms into your entrance wound. Trying to slow the bleeding.

Looking up at Taehyung with tear-filled eyes, you're in shock. Every breath you take is sore but other than that, your body is numb. Your hands clinging to his, all you can think is that you wished you knew what to say or do to lessen his panic. The sweat on his forehead rolls into the cut on his cheek causing the blood to drip further down his neck and chest. The fear and worry in his eyes exposing what you can't see or feel. That you're losing a lot of blood.

The supplier comes over the top of you both. He presses the barrel of the gun into the back of Taehyungs head, forcing him to crouch lower over you.

"I was searching for a reason to annihilate Namjoon and his pathetic crew. Thank you for giving me one." He digs the gun down harder. Taehyung growls, baring his teeth in frustration. "Too bad we didn't get to finish what we started though, Y/n. Oh well." He smirks, cocking the gun for additional effect.

"I love you," Taehyung whispers, the finality in his voice breaking your restraint, tears gushing down your face.

"I-," you can only begin.

Another blast rings out that makes both you and Taehyung jump. The supplier's body goes heavy and plummets to the ground, smashing through the glass coffee table beside you. Glass shatters everywhere as he falls down dead, blood pouring out of his head, collecting into a pool.

"Fuck sakes." Namjoon sighs from the living room entrance. Standing with Jin, both looking over the destruction with disbelief.

"Hyung," Taehyung calls out, his voice raspy and on the verge of tears. "Help." He looks down at you, your face pale, your limps drooping as the blood loss is starting to make you dizzy.

Namjoon opens his mouth readying to scold his brother, but he quickly stops himself. His own faults glaringly obvious at this moment. Jin removes his belt, wrapping it around your waist he fixes it tightly, making you whine in pain, keeping Taehyungs shirt pressed to both sides of your wound.

"Can you carry her?" Jin asks his younger brother.

Namjoon passes all of you, walking toward the lifeless body of his enemy, shooting another round into the back of his head with a frustrated look in his eye.

Taehyung nods at Jin with wide, panicked eyes.

"Then bring her." Namjoon turns with a flick of his head gesturing to follow him.

Jin supports Taehyung as he struggles to get himself and you to a standing position. Finding more strength once he is upright, lifting you into his arms as you whimper and moan weakly.

"Taehyung-" you start, your words sounding breathless and weak. "I'm sorry," you whisper.

"Shh baby." He hushes you. "Don't worry about that now."

He gets you into Namjoons truck, laying you down the length of the seat. As Namjoon speeds to the hospital, Taehyung sits in the back, his legs under your head. Holding firm against your bullet wound while petting your head.

Jin takes Tae's keys and follows you in his car. Already calling a cleanup crew to get rid of the supplier's body. Trying to salvage what he can of the bad situation.

"Namjoon," you call out. Even as your mind is starting to slip into unconsciousness your worry over the family is consuming your focus. "the plan. Can you fix the-" you breathe heavily running out of air.

He looks over his shoulder, guilt overtaking his expression. Nodding with an affirming grunt.

"Plan? What plan?" Taehyung muses, the shock steadily drifting away. "What is she talking about, Hyung?" One look at the blame on Namjoon's face and it clicks into place. "What did you do?"

"It wasn't supposed to happen like this." Namjoon reasons.

"Are you kidding me? You organized this?!" He snaps, "How the fuck could you risk her like that?!"

"It was supposed to be easy. She wasn't meant to get hurt-"

"Well, clearly she did!" Taehyung roars, his hands bunching into fists.

"I'm sorry, Tae. I wanted to help." You whine, lifting your arm up to touch his chest, trying to soothe him in any way.

"It's okay, baby. I know you did." He coos kissing your forehead, Taehyung's rage immediately subsiding towards you. He takes your blood-drenched hands in his and kisses them lovingly. Kissing down your forearms, pressing your hands to his head in agony and want to have you closer. Wishing he could absorb your pain and suffering.

Returning his wrath to the leader his voice lowers, coming out like ice. "We're gonna talk about this once she's okay." He snarls, "And know, I hold you personally responsible for every second she's in pain."

Looking in the rearview mirror, Namjoon nods solemnly. "Yeah, I do too."

Luckily for you, you recover quickly, and no permanent physical damage was done. But the damage that was done to Namjoon and Taehyungs relationship, the repercussions caused for Bangtan, and the fall out from the supplier's death... well that's another story entirely.

[phoenixyfriend]

Re; Ahsoka and Quinlan being the same age, now I'm picturing Ahsoka, Quinlan, and Rex eventually ending up in a weird sorta thruple where Quinlan comes in and out of the relationship but the door is kinda always open for him? And Rex spends a lot of mornings eyeing the tangle of orange and brown skin on the other side of the bed like he has no idea how he ended up here but he's (mostly) okay with that tbh

Context: Commander Buir in chronological order

YES okay so this is wild to me that people are invested in this but like half the time-travel fics with Ahsoka in the same age-group as Quinlan have me wondering if I should ship them. Let me just. Ho shit.

So, okay, I've explored a lot of possible dynamics but there's something really engaging about how Quinlan, trained as a Shadow before the Sith came back, could react to a War Padawan. Ahsoka isn't really infiltration material yet, she's very much a frontline fighter, but she's got a lot more experience with a kind of consistent dark atmosphere that most Jedi don't. They get exposed to plenty of dark stuff, sure, but not the kind of all-encompassing "this is my life for the last two years" thing that is usually reserved for the long-term field agents like Shadows and Watchmen.

The War Padawans, for all that they were supposed to be just normal Jedi Padawans, were living in the kind of consistently negative environment that's normally experienced by those Knighted Sentinels.

So Ahsoka, while still generally pretty young in these AUs, is a very odd kind of person to be around, because she's spunky and vivacious and snippy and affectionate and snarky and knows how to break every bone in your body from harrowing experience as the only thing standing between death and thousands of brothers.

And Quinlan, I imagine, really likes that about her. She gets it, and she's still an energetic and loving and trying to do her best to be a good person despite everything. He gravitates towards her and she... well, she's not blind. She can tell he's interested. And she's not upset about that.

ANYWAY, ONTO REX

So, Rex is... technically twelve. He hasn't exactly got a whole lot of experience with romance. He is also, up until the point of time-travel, legal property of the Senate and the Jedi Order, which means that Ahsoka, or at least her community, owns him. He was indoctrinated to serve her and that community. She also outranks him, for all that she usually lets him take the lead in the field due to experience. He's older than her physically and maturity-wise, but she's also had a grow-up-faster-than-you-should adolescence, and she has superpowers.

What I'm saying is, the power dynamic is fucked up.

(Unironically I spent hours last night realizing that it balances out a lot more than C*dywan does, which I'm censoring because by god do I not want discourse on this post. I like both ships, and don't want to argue about what's the most problematic. It's Star Wars. The only unproblematic ships are Bail/Breha and Owen/Beru.)

Here's the thing, though, because the main thing people seem to argue here is the age/maturity difference as a problem area:

The age difference in actual time is four years, which is smaller than the two main ships of the franchise (Han/Leia and Padme/Anakin, to be clear). The age difference in maturity is ??? We'll say that the clones started aging normally after they hit twenty, so the age difference in maturity is six years... which is still normal for SW ships.

(This is why I don't have any issues with the ship in a post-O66 context, once they've had a few years to move past the traumas and whatnot. The age stuff all evens out with time, they're a good team, and neither was grooming the other. It's not objectively any more problematic than most SW ships at that point, and I'm okay with that. They deserve to be happy if they want.)

But they get yanked away from all that structure of who owns what, who reports where, who has which rank, who's legally a person in the eyes of the Republic when they end up on Dagobah. Once they've registered when they are, the only remaining complications are:

He grew up in a cultlike environment and was indoctrinated to serve her (but has been replacing that indoctrination with genuine respect and affection for her as a person because they've worked together for two years).

She has superpowers (contextually not a big problem: we see several Force-Sensitive/Non-Sensitive ships that don't consider those powers a complicating element)

He's several years younger than her (canonically less of an issue than it could be: Cut got married and has kids) and has next to no experience with what a normal romance looks like except for hanging out on the edges of whatever the fuck his General has going on with the Senator

She's several years less mature than he is (...something of an issue)

So a lot of this is mostly okay. She feels weird about the fact that she's got more knowledge of romance and all that it entails. He feels weird about the fact that, despite her being older, he looks at her and sees someone that's still a little young, not quite a shiny. Except she is older than him, and he's seen her behead four people in a single move, and they've saved each other's lives more times than either of them can count anymore. He respects her, and the fact that she's babyfaced doesn't change the fact that, in terms of who they are as people and warriors, they're on a level playing field.

She still looks at him and mourns his lost childhood, and he still looks at her and takes a moment to see past the too-big eyes and adolescent proportions.

But they really, really care about each other, and maybe part of them is starting to recognize that there's a bit of a crush before they time-travel, but neither one wants to make a move. There's a lot of baggage on both sides, a lot of "but they're a child" and "but they're (literally vs functionally) below me in the chain of command, I can't take advantage of that" and all that fun stuff. It's the kind of situation where two people circle each other for ages without making a move, because actually making that move is terrifying on account of not knowing whether the other party knows they can say no, on top of the usual "what if it ruins our friendship?" thing.

What happens on Dagobah, though... is very tropey. They're sort of stranded until Ahsoka can fix the ship, and that takes time. The area is also very heavy with the Force, dense and heady with the energy it carries, and it's... actually really not great for Ahsoka. She keeps feeling like she's back on Mortis, and has nightmares from the trigger there, but also keeps hallucinating because she wasn't ready for the thickness of the energy (like Yoda) or still new enough to the Force that she couldn't feel how dense it all was (like Luke). She can't work on the engines as constantly as she'd like to get them out of there, and while Rex is a competent mechanic, he's not as skilled with it as the girl who jumped headfirst into lessons with Anakin.

Rex spends a lot of time holding Ahsoka and wiping her brow with a wet cloth while she's feverish and out of it. Yes we're going full Florence Nightingale romance here, let me have my fun.

They get the communications relay working earlier than the engine, find out the year is wrong, panic a bit. All is well. (It's not, but they're holding it together for now.)

Ahsoka keeps working on the engine when she's lucid. Rex keeps hunting up game and edible plants for them while she does. They cuddle at night, because it's not cold but it is empty of the people they care about, and they kind of want that reassurance of someone they trust and love at their back.

(Morai visits.)

(Daughter shows up in the nightmares, tells Ahsoka that age will not come for her beloved until the time is natural for it. The phrasing is dumb but she does manage to convey that the accelerated aging is no longer an issue, if it even was after they hit adulthood. Ahsoka is relieved.)

And, you know, emotions happen. She takes his hand while they're leaning up against each other. He kisses her forehead while she's having a bad spell. They cook together and tell jokes to keep sane and spar. They hug each other through nightmares and panic attacks. There is much blushing. There is much cuddling.

Once, they kiss.

They break apart, flushing and stammering and being very awkward about the whole thing, and make excuses to leave and panic about the fact that they!! Kissed!!!!!

A couple hours later they find each other again, and have a long and complicated discussion about why they like each other (war makes bedfellows, there's trust and affection and all that fun stuff) and why they're hesitant (age stuff, maturity stuff, prior indoctrination), and make the decision to take it slow. They cuddle, and kiss, and blush a lot because both of them are basically just dumb teens having their first real relationship.

They eventually leave the planet, make it to Coruscant, etc. It takes a bit for anyone except Obi-Wan to realize that something's changed between them. Most people didn't know them before, and Anakin's observation skills are currently at a very low ebb. But they sit together and hold hands, and flirt when they spar, and once or twice people find them kissing (both standard and Keldabe) in a corner while holding hands and then just smiling at each other like loons.

They end up rooming together because nobody has the heart to separate them after hearing about all the war stuff. Like yes attachment's bad, but these two do seem to understand loss of loved ones and recognize that they could lose each other at any time and death is natural and they won't lose their entire shit about it, and if even General Kenobi is anxious as hell about being separated from the people he fought side-by-side with for two years, then maybe it's just... really normal for those two to want each other's company, and everyone can just turn a blind eye to the romance happening.

They share a bed, but they only ever sleep in it. Like, there's some goodnight kisses and cuddles, but everything is very G-rated until they've had time to settle into being true equals instead of just the "well, I guess the power dynamics balance out? Maybe?" of before.

And just... yeah. Rex does not believe that he's in this good of a position whenever he has the time to think about it. He's got a girlfriend! A really pretty, smart, strong, skilled one! Who thinks he's a cool dude! How the fuck did a clone like him manage that? He wasn't even legally a person a year ago, how did he end up in bed with one of the most amazing people he's ever met? He spends multiple nights just staring at her while he tries to fall asleep, asking himself how he got here and just like... marveling at her. She's worth marveling at. He's in love and she's amazing and he has no idea how to handle it at all.

...yeah no I have a lot of feelings now.

[sock-ness-monster]

Excuse is granted. Please. I beg of you. Infodump away

Thank you so much I love telling people about this guy

So, to preface this, I'll be telling this story exactly how it was told to me by our camp counselor at a Caveing camp I went to, so it's very much an oral history that maybe can't be fact checked but the broad strokes are genuinely 100% true

TRIGGER WARNINGS: DEATH, DARKNESS, CLAUSTROPHOBIA, GRAVE DESECRATION, CRICKETS

Now that that's out of the way (and please mention if there's any other TW's I should add) the story of

Floyd Collins, The Man Who Was Buried Six Times

This story begins in Kentucky in 19very early, a young Floyd was plowing his family's field when he suddenly dropped through the ground and discovered an unknown cave system. Super cool! Now, people back then did not have television, keep in mind, so caves were really big deals and they were a brand new and lucrative tourist escapade. Floyd's family seized the idea and quickly made a little tourist attraction out of it and started raking in the dough. But they weren't the only ones who had a cave you could tour, Kentucky's geology is super unique in that it has tons of limestone and sandstone which is perfect for underground rivers to carve cool caves out of. They are everywhere in Kentucky and the surrounding area, there was a lot of competition for who had the best, the biggest, the longest cave. And Floyd and his brothers were seized by cave fever and were exploring all around looking for new tunnels and chambers. A large part of this business, unfortunately, was not just walking people through the caves but was letting them take home souvenirs. People could carve their names in the wall, take a stalagmite or stalactite or whatever cool rock they found. Destroying the sensitive ecosystem of the caves. Floyd, the cool dude that he was, was one of the only people who was against this at the time. Good for him! Salamanders are important!

Anyway, Floyd and his brothers are always on the lookout for new opportunities, and there were tons in that area. But, not all of them would pan out. Floyd had heard rumblings about a new cave system called Sand Cave that wasn't far from his family's original cave, which by now had been dubbed Crystal Cave. It didn't seem that promising to most, but Floyd was hoping it actually connected to Crystal cave, and they could tack on so many feet to how big their cave was. So he set off to see if he could find a connection.

He had been surveying the cave for a few hours, and decided to call it quits. He was crawling through a tight tunnel upwards toward the opening of the cave when a rock slide pinned his ankle down tight. He was laying flat with his hands reaching upwards, and there was no way for him to reach back behind him to free his ankle.

He had gone on this expedition without telling anyone.

This was the first time he got buried.

Three days pass, and his brother Homer finally finds him. He tries everything he can think of to free floyd, to no effect. Realizing that this may be a bigger endeavor than he can pull off, he crawls back out to go and find help. It is January of 1925, what else is there to do but go to the newspaper? They publish the story of the man trapped in a crawl way, and it's a huge hit!? People are fascinated by Floyds predicament. They want to help, they want to see, they want to know more. It even makes it on the radio! The three biggest news stories of the time were

1) the war (oof)

2)Charles Lindbergh (will come up again later)

And 3) Floyd in the hole

Everyone in America is anxious to find out how they rescue Floyd. "They" being everyone from the local cave experts to the military corps of engineers to the freakin freemasons, they're all trying to figure out how to free Floyd. Who, ya know, is just chillin in the cave, because caves stay at a constant temperature of ~54° , not too bad for January. His brothers and a reporter take turns crawling down to deliver him the three essentials; food, whiskey, and news. The reporter, "Skeets" Miller, would later win a Pulitzer Prize for his correspondence with floyd in the shaft. Now, as mentioned before, it is a cold and snowy January, but people (nearly 10,000 according to some reports) are so fascinated by the goings on at Sand Cave that they travel from far and wide to be there at the triumphant moment when Floyd emerges. Weeks have gone by at this point. Radio stations are reporting every day, Charles Lindbergh is hired to take photographs of the terrain from above. It's like a big party up top.

They camp out around the cave mouth.

They build fires for food and warmth.

The snow melts.

The cold water trickles down into the cave.

Floyd....... starts to cough.

The cave's already sketchy structure is further compromised.

There's another rock slide.

Floyd is now cut off from contact with the up side world, and the engineers panic and go with a last ditch effort they had been debating beforehand. They can't go around they can't go behind, the only path left was straight down. They drill a hole that reaches the 150 feet from daylight to Floyd's prison. They are too late. He was estimated to have died three to four days before they reached him. His leg is still stuck, and half his face has been consumed by cave crickets. And they just.....leave him there. Whatreyagonnado they shrug, he's already gone we can stop now. They fill in the shaft again.

This is the second time Floyd is buried.

Homer, his closest brother, can't accept this as his final resting place. A few weeks later, they un block the hole and carry Floyd to their family's funeral plot and have a small service with just his closest friends and family present.

This is the third time Floyd Collins is buried.

A few years go by, and the Collins family sells their farm and cave. Unfortunately, they did not see the part of the deed that entitled the new owners to everything in and under the property. Floyd's body is now legally theirs. He is exhumed and placed on display in a glass coffin in Crystal Cave (which years and years later would eventually be proven to connect to Sand Cave).

This is the fourth time Floyd is buried.

If you haven't pieced it together yet, caves were a pretty big deal. We now enter a time in Kentucky history known as the Cave Wars, and they are brutal. How brutal, you ask? Well, to answer with one scenario that happens to be related to this story, the owners of nearby cave were jealous of the attention Crystal Cave was getting from their cool exhibit of Floyd's body, against his family's wishes. Why, the only logical thing to do is steal the man's body and throw it off a cliff. Crystal Cave's new owners would recover it, though minus the left leg. And the next logical thing of course is to put him back on display but this time with a bunch more chains.

This is the fifth time Floyd Collins is buried.

Then, the 60s roll around and Crystal Cave and Floyd are purchased by the National Parks Service on the grounds of being connected to the Mammoth Cave System (the longest cave system in the entire world now). Floyds family is still fighting for his body, and in the 80s they finally get their wish. Floyd is removed from the cave in a 15 day trip and buried at a real cemetery again.

This, is the sixth time he is buried.

A pillar is constructed in honor and perhaps in reparations to all he's gone through, but it is struck by a semi truck and demolished less than a week after its unveiling.

Floyd.......went through a lot. All he ever wanted to do was see some cool rocks and support his family. And to this day, cavers do their best to do right by him. When entering Mammoth Cave, they often ask the darkness to look after them. They aren't talking to the darkness, of course, that darkness that can never be described properly. They are talking to Floyd. Asking him to watch over them as they wish he had someone to watch over him. In the caves everyone is above you, but that's not what they mean. And when they hear a whistle through the tunnels, they like to imagine it's Floyd. Floyd, who was right. The cave was so much more than people thought, in so many different ways. To this day, there's a saying in the caveing community.

"Floyd Lives"

It's like the geology version of "Eddie Would Go". As long as we carry on his legacy of exploring bravely, daring to go where noone has gone before, and do our best to preserve the natural beauty and habitat of the caves, floyd will live on. Floyd lives in our memories and hearts and the drips of water that will one day be pillars.

I don't really know how to end this. Here's a picture of the man himself;

(the picture above is not the tunnel he was trapped in, to be clear)

[littlefreya]

The Kitten & The Bear - Part 2

Read Part 1

Summary: Walter’s bratty wife has gotten herself in trouble with the law. meaning her own husband. 

Pairing: Detective Walter Marshall x OFC (first person pov)

Word count: 4k

Warnings: Bratty behaviour, dominant BDE husband, abuse of power, arrest, bondage, teasing, grinding, loads of sexual innuendo, mentions of oral, promiscuous behavior, fingering, lewd and dirty talk, manum sasquatch Walter.  

A/N: So both Marti and I were so anxious you guys won’t like it and we were literally overwhelmed by the amazing reception, so thank you so much guys! As promised, here is part 2! The thickens plot! Reminding you this is a collab between @wolvesandhoundshowltogether​ and I based on your role play game. 

Title: The Kitten & the Bear

With the alcohol flushing through my veins, mingled with the sheer exhilaration of anger, I became more daring than ever.

“I think you are just scared because we both know you are never going to tame me.”

With the harsh grip of Walter's arm, I was yanked from the hood, turned and forced to look at his face.

"Do I look like I'm enjoying it?" It resonated in his mind that he was going to have to take his own wife, whom he'd just arrested, to the precinct where everyone knows him. 

'For fuck's sake!' This may jeopardise his career at MPD. A detective having a wife with a police record... 

'Fucking great'.

It's one thing that I acted like a brat at home, but that was his workplace, where he'd have to take me - looking like that. 

His cock twitched as he looked at my dress again.

~~~

Colder than the air itself, the deprived energy in Walter's cerulean gaze cut like diamonds. There was a battle in his glassy cold stare, and I recognised that furious desire, being the only person who really knew Walter Marshall. His hand was still on my wrists, pressing the cuffs hard against the small of my back and my thighs slightly parted as he stood too close.

I trembled and not just from the chilling cold. "If you are asking for my sincere opinion, then yes, I think you are, by the look of it," I answered and gandered down his groin and back at his face, giving him a bitchy grin. "I strictly remember ending with your head between my thighs last time I wore this dress" I provoked. "Hold on to that memory, it's going to be a while." 

Walter cocked his head to the side, pretending to think about my ultimatum, before suddenly stepping closer to haul me flush against him. I felt not only the warmth of the bulge at his groin but the cold hard outline of his gun against my stomach. I gasped as he leant close to my face and his lips hovered over mine while he ground his hips against me. 

A moan escaped me when he suddenly pulled back.

"Don't make threats you can't keep. Your little cunt is always hungry for attention."

Keylah and Stephanie exchanged astonished glares between them as they watched the heated battle. I continued to frown, trying to remain stoic, but the creeping chill made me tremble as the freezing metal of the car pressed against the back of my knees.

His obliviousness to how cold I was, the way he was treating me and his words only further fuelled my anger. I was like an unleashed hellcat, unable to stop my own stupid mouth.

"Don't test me. Both you and I know how clingy you are Mr. "promise-me-you'll-never-leave-me." I spat back his own words to him. Words he blurted out in a vulnerable moment the night before while he was making sweet, intimate, passionate love to me. 

It really was a low blow from my side.

Walter felt like his stomach got headbutted by an angry bull when my cruel words registered. The previous night he found me at home with the entrance door unlocked while I'd been blasting music. He had an exceptionally shitty day as a criminal who abducted a woman from her own home had to be set free for lack of enough evidence against him.

The fight that followed between us culminated in passionate makeup sex. He asked to be handcuffed to the headboard so that he wouldn't unleash all his desperate anger and accidentally hurt me. In an especially vulnerable moment, he begged me never to leave him, not for what he does nor for who he is. 

And here I was, throwing it back to his face.

"Fucking bitch," he hissed so only I could hear it. I gasped as I could see the exact moment Walter transformed back from my husband to the cop who responded to the crime scene. As if he suddenly needed to hide behind the mask of a stoic, invulnerable officer.

Without another statement, he grabbed one of my forearms, dragged me to the open back door of the car and tossed me inside. My upper body landed on Keylah's lap while he circled the car, got in the driver's seat and started the engine.

"Pig!" I shouted at him as Keylah helped me adjust and deliberately pushed me to sit in the middle seat so I could stare at him during the ride to the station. I leaned back, looking at him through the rearview mirror. He was not staring back, keeping his forbearing eyes on the road.

"Sooooo…" Stephanie uttered, "Magnum, is it really 10 inches?"

Walter just glared at Stephanie but provided no answer. After a moment's pondering, he threw a glance at me through the mirror, and drew one of his brows up, challenging me to answer Steph.

I crooked my eyebrow back at him, spreading my legs to show him the red silk panties I wore beneath my dress. 

"Well you know, it's basically a cock that has a man attached to it." 

Keylah snorted and shook her head with disbelief, "No fucking way she is that lucky, I call bullshit, sorry Walter." 

Again Walter didn't reply to her, just straightened in his seat a little and cocked his chin forward, keeping one hand on the steering wheel. If his whole demeanour wouldn't have answered Steph's question, it was my blush, visible even in the dark backseat, that made it clear that Walter's big dick energy did not end with the energy. Both girls gasped. 

"Fuck, bitch!" Keylah squealed, and they both started giggling while I remained silent as the blush permeated to my chest. 

"But what I want to know is if the police baton's thick too," Stephanie added and stared at me. I remained quiet for a moment, spreading my legs further for him to see the sticky patch at the apex of my body. Between every street lamp, the light danced over the backseat, illuminating the girls and me.

"Look at him," I finally uttered, "everything is thick and girthy, especially his skull".

The girls howled with excitement.

My lewd reference to Walter's size and girth made the corner of his mouth twitch almost unnoticeably as he was watching the road with an unbearably cocky expression. His eyes then ventured to the rearview mirror. Immediately they widened, and his face hardened simultaneously when he noticed the little dark spot on my panties between my spread legs. He instantly turned his head back to the road and switched the radio on. 

I could see the little twitching muscle in his cheek, his jaw straining as he noticed me spreading my legs. The fact that the gals wouldn't shut up about his cock and began making jokes didn't help either. I squirmed slightly on the leather seat and bit my lip, letting him see what he can't have. 

"Magnum, I bet you are one of them who likes it when she gags on your big fat cock."

"Steph, I'm sitting right here!" I called out. "You can just ask me, and I'll tell you how deep he likes to go!"

"I bet, Jen has a broken cervix, that's why she takes a lot of days off from work," Keylah laughed. "Detective Walter Marshall, cervix destroyer." 

Losing all patience Walter slammed the break, and we scrambled forward against the partition.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP, ALL THREE OF YOU!" His eyes were blazing as he turned his head back and looked at us between the two front seats. "Do you even understand you're going to a holding cell?" 

But before Keylah or Steph could blurt out some snarky comment, I breathed out "Yes, sir", which immediately short-circuited Walter's mind. He was the one yelling for silence, yet I quieted him with two syllables. He bit both his lips, turned back and started driving again.

The girls glared at one another, shivering, unable to hide the twinge of exhilaration from Walter's alpha behaviour and how it broke me into submission. On any other day, I'd have told them to back off from my man, but we all knew it was prohibited to speak right now.

The rest of the drive to the station passed in lingering silence. Keylah brushed and fixed my hair carefully while I glared at Walter - half angry, half lustful and utterly missing my husband. Still, my ego prevented me from showing any emotion other than rage. 

As he finally parked the car, I looked at the giant stuffed bear next to him. Still rather intoxicated I whispered to the girls "there are two of them."

~~~

After Walter parked the car, he remained seated for a couple of seconds. The reference that he was my big bear sent little tendrils of softness straight into his heart at a most inconvenient moment and looking at me through the mirror he only started to realise that I will be exposed at the police station. 

Care, duty and the desire to discipline me were warring inside of him.

"Keylah, Stephanie, get out and give us a minute" he orders the girls. 

~~~

The girls opened the doors from each side. They quietly exited the police car, giving me a sympathetic look and standing outside, hugging themselves from the cold of the night. I kept quiet, looking at Walter and waiting for him to speak while chewing the inside of my cheeks.

 It was then that I realised how painful my wrists were with the cuffs around them. I wanted to go home, I hated him right now. 

Walter sensed my hatred and distress and opened his mouth to speak, "The better you'll behave, the quicker this will be over." 

He waited for a response, but I said nothing, so he drew his brows. "If you decide to behave yourself, I'll take off your handcuffs right now, and you can retain a shred of dignity at my workplace." Still nothing. "So the way this will go down depends entirely on you." 

My legs began to jump anxiously while I kept gnawing at the soft tissue of my mouth until it began hurting, "you proved your point, Walter, I want to go home now," I answered with irritation, feeling completely helpless. He gave a heavy sigh and lowered his gaze to the red slutty pumps around my feet, 

"This wouldn't have happened if…" I began speaking.

Forcing his eyes from my red shoes and mouth-watering legs, Walter interrupted me by shooting me a hard look, "...if you hadn't vandalised the store. Don't even try shifting the blame."

He got out, stepped to the back seat door, leaned in and pulled me out. I stood on wobbly legs when he gave me one last chance. "I ask again. Can you behave yourself enough to go in without handcuffs?"

His sheer hulking height and his broad shoulders dwarfed me. Even with these heels, I was puny compared to him. But then again, Walter was known as the largest guy in town. Visibly shaking, my legs almost bucked down as he looked at my face anticipating an answer. What agitated and excited me most was how professional he remained.

"I'm not going to run or hurt anyone," I said matter-of-factly. "I'm still your wife, not some criminal in case you forgot." I looked away from him, indicating that I was hurt by his mistreatment, wrongly thinking I deserved special treatment.

"I haven't forgotten that you're my wife," Walter retorted. 

How could he ever? 

Taking out a small key from his pocket, he turned me to uncuff my wrists and continued behind me, "But as far as this whole ordeal is concerned, tonight you are first and foremost a person in custody, and I'm the arresting cop, so behave accordingly."

His words and the sensation of his fingers around my wrists made my entire skin tingle and become riddled with goosebumps. For whatever reason other than him being my husband, I was longing for him despite my anger and how degrading this situation was, perhaps even because of it.

"Yes, Sir", I answered coldly, my eyes floating to the dark sky before he guided me toward him and our eyes met fiercely. 

The way our gaze clashed made time stop. He could see the scared longing in my glare, and I could see for the first time tonight his inner conflict.

I didn't have time to further contemplate this because Walter's hand shot out, grabbed my nape and pulled me close to a devastating kiss. He drew my head so that my ear almost touched his mouth so he could whisper, "It's going to be alright, my little wild cat."

Both Stephanie and Keylah gasped behind us and then whispered between them, giggling like cheerleaders. 

My chest was nearly empty as I looked up to his gaze, my lips swollen with need. It became very apparent that we hadn't touched one another for the last 24 hours and fuck, I just wanted more. No matter how aggravated and humiliated I felt, I wanted my big grizzly bear to touch me. 

He spun me around to lead me in. My legs almost failed me. It was cold, I was shaken from the kiss, and the last thing I needed was all his colleagues seeing me like this. 

Walter headed into the building followed by us. It provided a very comical scene as I insisted that Walter bring the teddy bear in for me. When we entered the bullpen, everyone got quiet seeing the big scary cop with a huge stuffed bear under an arm, surrounded by the three dolled up, tipsy babes. 

The sergeant blurted out "What the hell?"

I beamed at him "Hey, Sarge. How's Sue? We came to party!"

"No, they didn't." Walter cut in angrily as everyone was ogling me.

I couldn't help but smile and wink at all the guys, behaving as if this was nothing but a show, while both Stephanie and Keylah snickered seeing all the baffled looks. It was as if the moment we had an audience, we regressed into thinking we owned the place, marching past Walter as if he was our guard dog rather than our captor.

I flung my hair from side to side, snapping my heels and swaying my hips to emphasise the curve of my ass. I could feel the shift in Walter's demeanour, and I suddenly paused and bent over in front of him, pretending to fix the strap of my heel so he could get a good look of my ass.

"What's going on?" the sarge asked amused and Walter had to blink fast to drag his eyes off my slutty pose.

"They are the perps of the store vandalism." 

Everyone's jaw dropped, but I shrugged innocently.

"I just wanted a teddy bear," I pouted.

Having had enough, Walter grabbed my upper arm and signalled to the girls to follow us to a desk.

"You want some coffee, ladies?" Toby asked with literal heart eyes.

"They are NOT guests." Walter hissed, but I answered sweetly, "Milk, no sugar, please."

He pushed me down on the chair, and by the firmness of his grip, I knew he was forcing himself to be as gentle as possible. My ass hit the hard plastic with a small huff, and I giggled at the smack.

"Don't move!" Walter grunted as he went to get the paperwork. Obviously, the girls and I began whispering between us, giving Walter sneaky glances and then chuckling loudly.

Not understanding Walter's message, Toby came along with a hearty cup of coffee, handing it to me.

"You're a saint," I thanked him and took a gulp, groaning as the liquid hit the back of my throat. "That's a really great tie, Toby," I then added and got up to lean forward on the desk, grabbing his tie and examining it up close.

I knew every single guy at the station was currently staring at my ass, whether they wanted to or not. It took me back to prom year when every guy in school had wanted to get a piece of me, and none of them had a flying chance. I couldn't deny I loved the attention, especially after having none of it all day long as my husband was acting more like a cop than a lover. 

Walter marched back to the desk, ordering the lovestruck Toby to fill out the reports of Keylah and Steph, and dragged me away. 

The officer at fingerprinting jumped as a huge sasquatch of a detective kicked the door open and marched in, dragging a smirking babe with him. 

"C-can I he-"

"I'll handle it. Get out" Walter barked at him. The guy scurried away, and Walter sat me down, circling the fingerprinting station. I watched mesmerised as he silently, methodically prepared the ink pad.

Intimidation struck the chords of my heart as I watched my husband being completely efficient and professional. I was impressed, having met him when he'd already been in the police force I never had a chance to see this part of his life. It's something he always kept away from me, afraid it would terrify me.

Well, I was terrified indeed, and the fact that he was actually going through with the entire process made me tremble.

"Can we drop the act?" I asked when there was no audience left. I crossed my legs together and folded my arms around my chest defensively, "or are you keen on putting your wife behind bars as well, so no one but you gets to have her?"  

Walter's nostrils flared, but he simply said "It's not an act. Charges will be brought against you. My guess is parole or community service," he explained as he pressed my fingers on the ink pad and then on the respective brackets on the paper one by one.

My lips trembled as the information sank in and I jumped up from the chair just as Walter finished with my left pinky. 

"I don't want it! Neither parole nor community service!" I burst out, "You're my husband!" my voice hitched, "Do something!"

I looked at the stern, unimpressed glare he was giving me and then frowned as he simply rolled his eyes at me. But of course, what made me think I was the first person to beg him not to charge them? 

"Sit. Down." He answered calmly while I stood infuriated and shook my head with protest.

"You have the very power to make these charges go away! You are doing this on purpose!" I pointed my ink-stained finger at him and started stomping my feet in the ground. 

"What if I'll march right out of this room? You going to throw me into a cell, Walter? Oh oh, excuse me, Office Marshall, SIR!" I slurred with disrespect.

"I don't know what you mean by "this", but the only thing I'm doing on purpose is my fucking job", Walter said in a menacingly low voice. "And yes, if you march out of this room without my permission as arresting officer, I am obligated to throw you in a cell." He leaned back in his chair and stared in my eyes with unflinching confidence.

"You gonna throw me in a cell!? Your wife!?" I cocked my eyebrow at him daringly. "You sure about that?" I stretched up and straightened my dress, pulling the hem down over my thigh as it kept riding up.

Walter tilted his head unimpressed, his brows rising as if he was waiting to see if I was really willing to risk challenging both his authority and power. 

"I'd think of the consequences if I were you!" I spat out and turned on my heels and snapped at the door, opening it wide open and stepping outside courageously. 

I walked out of the room and started running in the empty hallway, my heels clicking loud. It didn't even take me ten steps when Walter's body pressed to my back, pushing me against the wall. He turned me toward him, and by the time I understood what was going on, he put back the handcuffs on my hands in the front. He then dragged me to the interrogation room's anteroom where people were working. 

Walter didn't stop at the sight of them, he took me to the interrogation room where one wall was a one-way mirror. 

"WALTER!!!" I shrieked, panting with both shock and effort while he hauled me by my nape and forced me down on the chair, making the metal chair hit me hard on the ass. 

Adrenaline surged through me, my breasts rose up and down in the cleave of my tight dress.

"Are you fucking out of your fucking mind?!" I screamed at him and then peered at the mirror, realising everyone could see us. "If you don't take me home now I will never speak to you again!" 

Walter refused to be baited. Stepping out to the anteroom, he shut the door behind him so that I won't hear what he was saying to them. The officers gawked at him. "Get out", he said in a low voice, and they jumped and rushed out. 

Unbeknownst to me, Walter locked the anteroom's door with a flick of his wrist, making sure no one would disturb us, then he turned back and marched in. He circled the desk and sat on the edge, one of his thighs almost touching me. My glossy eyes rounded up as I stared at him. 

"That's enough," he said in a low voice as if there were still someone watching through the mirror. 

I looked at the mirror frightened, thinking of the audience who sat there before redirecting my gaze to Walter. My heart was racing so badly I could feel it in my ears. 

"Walter, I swear I'm not going to speak to you ever again" I fumed. He was giving me a condescending look and fuck, he was too attractive when he was angry and pumped of authority. I couldn't help but clench my thighs beneath the desk.

Walter ignored the pang I caused him by blackmailing him with our relationship as he watched the top of my thighs rubbing together. He hardened his face, stood up and walked back to the chair on the opposite side of the desk.

He said nothing but I got inspired by his arousingly hard look. Glancing at the mirror behind where the cops were watching, I decided that the only way to get to that thick cop brain of his is causing a scandal that will force him to take me home.

Taking a deep breath, I regained my forces and tried to appear as strong as I could. An opposing force to his absolute control of the situation.

"Do your colleagues know you stalk your wife?" I asked him, my voice dropping lower, my eyes cutting into his like daggers. Walter gave an unimpressed glare, slightly shaking his head at me.

"Tell them, Walter," I spread my legs wider only for him to see my striking red panties again as I angled my pelvis to give him a better glimpse. "Tell your friends at work what a sick, controlling perv you are, following me like the guys you arrest." 

Walter put his elbows and forearms down on the desk interlocking his fingers, and leaning forward, his burly shoulders appearing even more intimidating. 

"I could tell them", he said in a calm voice, "but they'd see that the way you're behaving totally justifies it."

He knew exactly what I needed. I needed to be put in my place, but not by the cop. 

By the husband.

He made a show of glancing down my soaked panties, and he licked his lips, not entirely an act. I WAS delectable for him.

"The way I'm behaving?…" 

Fury simmered in my veins, my breath short and slightly heavy as Walter not only kept his cool but also visibly exhibited his raw sexual desire. It did nothing but made me want to grind myself on the chair.  

I shifted involuntarily, spreading my thighs even wider in a primal invitation for him to conquer my defenceless offering. I was like a soft little rabbit caged in a room with a big hungry wolf, and his hunger was for more than just food.

"How exactly am I behaving, detective?" I drawled, challenging him, unwilling to back down.

Walter shifted his eyes from my face to my spread legs, then looked back in my eyes. At the same time, he leaned back against the back-rest of the chair, arms crossed on his chest, his lax pose, implying that he was completely comfortable with what he was about to say.

"Like an attention-seeking, cock hungry whore," he stated in an even tone.

His words hit me like a slap on the face, whatever decency I had left was completely lost to me right now. I pushed myself up from the chair, causing it to fall behind me with a sharp echo. 

"Excuse me?!" I called out angrily, holding my cuffed fists against my chest, knuckles white with tension. 

"YOU ARE THE ONE ACTING LIKE A PERV STALKING ME AND MY FRIENDS!!!" I shouted and looked at the mirror, trying to peer through the people sitting in the room. 

"Yeah, you hear me? This is the man who should be under arrest!" 

Not thinking twice I climbed onto the desk and marched toward him, peeling my dress up my thighs, exposing myself above his face. 

"Tell them, tell them how much of a big fucking pervert you are, sitting in the dark and stalking women. Did you jack off in the patrol car thinking about this all night long?"

When I finished shouting and just stood on the desk panting, he slowly stood up, turned around and walked to the door. My heart dropped thinking he was leaving me here, but Walter only went to look the door. The clicking sound reverberated in my core, causing a spike of fear and adrenaline in me. 

He walked back to the desk, and quick as lightning, grabbed my hip and thigh and yanked me down. His powerful arms braced the impact so it won't hurt me, but the air was knocked out of my lungs. 

I was lying on the desk, knees drawn up, while Walter leaned above me, one of his palms on the desk next to my waist, the other grabbing one of my knees, and slowly trailing up on my thigh with an ominous caress.

"Now that you've informed them about what kind of man I am, I don't need to hold back, now do I?" he drawled, the hand reaching the apex of my thigh and his thumb sweeping against the wet fabric of my panties. 

The world turned black for a moment as the initial shock took over. My body was spasming with fear and as I regained my control over my muscles again my eyes floated to the huge windowed mirror.

A terrible chill coursed through me as I saw him hovering above me in our reflection. All big and burly, my protective husband looked like nothing but a large predator while I was his helpless victim, and the thought that people were watching us and not doing anything to stop him was horrifying.

His thumb caressed over my covered mount, making my whimper and shaking my head with protest.

"Stop…" I called out, my voice puny and weak as my lungs gave in. I held my cuffed wrists to my chest and stared at him begging. "Stop, they're watching, Walter!"

"You kept on throwing at me that you are my wife, demanding special treatment here," he said coldly as he grabbed the chain of my handcuffs, yanked it over my head and slammed it down to the table, forcing me to stretch my arms and arch my back meanwhile his other hand pulled the line of my wet panties aside, and to my utter horror and forbidden excitement he slowly, very slowly pushed a long thick finger inside me. 

"How's that for special treatment?" he drawled in a dark, lustful voice.

"Walter!!" I whispered urgently, shuddering across the desk while my body unwillingly pressed further into his finger by natural, primal instincts. My face rested to the side, and I glared at the mirror again. "Walter, please, don't! They're watching us!"

I was at a complete loss of power, bound, defeated, knowing very well he could do whatever he wanted, and I wouldn't even have a fighting chance. My body was taken captive by the forbidden desire, and I did all I could to mentally fight him. I tried to close my thighs around his arm and desperately kicked my legs while shooting my glossy gaze back at him. 

Walter pulled his finger out, causing my pelvis to lift as my pussy mourned the loss. He reached over my torso and pushed his wet finger in my mouth, pressing down my tongue with it, forcing me to taste myself. 

"Let them watch," he growled. He pulled his digit out and licked my wetness and saliva off it. He let go of the chain, and I pulled my arms back to my chest as I watched him sit down on his chair, pull my panties down and stuff it in his pocket. 

"Ready?"

[everafterkeiji]

Song: Drivers License by Olivia Rodrigo

Pairings: Tooru Oikawa x fem! reader

Word count: 8k

A/N: wow im so thankful for those who waited this long for the sequel so here it is, i really hope you guys like this one and im semi sorry for the pain, but thank u!

previous

“I can’t find her, Oikawa!” Iwaizumi shouts with his voice trembling in secret, hands gripping each side of the steering wheel, feeling his heart race faster than his own engine. He couldn’t bear to watch the weary eyes of the person beside him. Deep down he knew it had something to do with his sudden presence. There’s no possible way that when everything has been going amazing for the both of you, it all turns into dust with the quick change of events.  

Because of him.

He should’ve known that the arrival of Oikawa would bring you back to rock bottom and him along with it but even if he seemed prepared for the upcoming events- the impact of how painful it was never lessened.  

What if you knew?

What if you knew that you were soon to be off his hands and return to Oikawa’s instead?

Imagining you with a suitcase in hand, watching you drag it as you walked beside Tooru to say goodbye to him while you both leave for Argentina is a sight that could make his now healed heart return to the shreds that it was when his best friend called him to tell him about his plans of bringing you back. It may have been a few days after that agonizing call but his heart has never been more content to see you smiling. You were both patching each other's missing pieces and even created new and better ones, replacing the sharp bits that deserved it.

But the boy who thought he could return it to its proper condition— ended up tearing them apart.

Tooru struggles to stay put in his seat. His heart held the same pace as Iwaizumis, maybe even faster. He visualized his coming home would’ve been better than this. Sure, he didn’t expect it to be a happy moment. He knew the different emotions you could portray once you see him and he prepares himself for the tears and the punches you’d throw knowing very well it was something he deserved.  

He just wishes he didn’t have to see you tucked away in Hajimes’ arms.  

But with Himari, he could expect something worse than that.

Oikawa looks over to Himari who bit her fingers, anxious on whatever was going on. He could sense the way Iwaizumi’s posture tensed up when they got in his car, though he might have mentioned what his intentions were, he felt like he still needed to repeat it to make him stop his doubts. The setter has mentioned Hirami to Iwaizumi through the call but there was still the threatening silence that surrounds you three.

“Please before you think or say anything else, we’re not in a relationship. Fuck, I would never do that to her and you know that.”

No matter what Oikawa said, there isn’t an ounce of ease that falls on Iwaizumi. The ace knows how your tears fell for the blonde. How you managed to doubt every feature of yours and replace them thinking that she was the version of perfection you wanted to obtain. You weren’t close to perfect but in the eye of the two players— you were certainly close to it. Himari may have been the ideal you looked for but Iwaizumi stood behind to make sure you never question yourself again. Witnessing how you cried for her, he just can’t stand acting like an acquaintance to the girl who you thought was Oikawa’s new lover.

But there she was, seated at the back with her thoughts running to where you were.

Himari finally sees the importance of coming back to Japan within the minutes of being seated in the vehicle. It had been months since she met the setter and not a day passes where she could see the loneliness in his eyes but there were subtle hints of joy in his voice. Seeing him get excited about arranging the apartment, even asking her if the area was close to some locations where they could relax, had her wondering just how you were stuck in his heart.  

At a certain moment, she enters the apartment Oikawa planned for the two of you to see him in the room clutched tightly on a pillow with tears in his eyes. It was the first time the apartment had been officially his and the first night he spent it with his usual choice of emotion— regret. She came in such a wrong time. Instead of being able to congratulate him in settling down in Argentina, she managed to sympathize with him instead. Then it began— the stories, the confessions, you. Everything that escaped his mouth that night all consisted of sentences dedicated to tell her how much of a mark you left on his life.  

With the stories he told, she was excited to meet you. She wanted to hug you if you’d let her because she too was abandoned by a lover with another woman. She didn’t side with Oikawa when she found out that he was the reason, he received a smack to the head when she heard. It shouldn’t circle in her mind knowing you two were strangers but she never wanted anyone to go through the pain that she had passed. To think that Oikawa spoke so often of you yet he was the one to let your relationship part like he wanted to do, felt too ironic to believe.  

So, she helped him. Remembering what she went through for her past half, she couldn’t handle seeing another pair withstand it. Especially when there was a chance to save it.

But the blind eye and weakened mindset is to blame for the misunderstanding.

“I’m sorry but do you think she’s just back at his apartment?” Himari asks but Iwaizumi shakes his head. He knew you too well. You always promised that if you were to leave, you’d always come back before 11pm because he’d never sleep properly if you were out of his sight. It was way pass 10 and he left the apartment at 9:40pm to meet with Oikawa, needing his assistance in finding you. Now it’s 10:17 and he’s yet to receive any messages from you which fed his anxiety.  

He wanted to find you by himself but he knew how much Oikawa was begging the sky for you to meet with him again.

So, for the hundredth time, he forgets what his heart desired for him to do.

“There’s no way. Y/N should’ve been back now- fuck Oikawa what if she saw you?” Iwaizumi asks, his grip tightening more at the thought. The setter fiddled with his hands as the ace felt the weight of his worries. It was the worst thing that could happen but it became real without their acknowledgement.

With the possibility ringing in their heads, Oikawa steps into your shoes as he feels just how shattered your heart could’ve been if you saw him. Barely any time to explain himself or even get to be near you after a year of being away from you had his emotions tangled in knots but he needed to find a way to tame his and Iwaizumi’s fears.

“Hajime, calm down.” Oikawa tries— or at least begs him to do. It’s seen how his breaths weren’t under control and his usual composed figure was trembling with panic. If Iwaizumi fails to keep his mind straight, they’d be prone to danger.

“I can’t- you don’t understand!” He shouts as Tooru was taken aback by it, later his fists form a ball as he began to feel how unfair everything’s been. Hajime was underestimating Oikawa too much to the point that it looks like he wasn’t nearly as concerned.

“I don’t understand? I haven’t seen her in a fucking year and now she’s possibly missing and you don’t think I’m not losing my goddamn mind?” Oikawa argues back while Iwaizumi scoffs.

“Why didn’t you visit her then? Don’t tell me you weren’t ready while Y/N was ready to come back to you the moment you left!”  

Again, he was dumbfounded.  

He could never win against what was true.  

He truly wasn’t. Booking a flight and packing was the easiest part there is but the words that ran through his mind weren’t sure if he’d ever voice it out. The confrontation, to see you so broken because of him? Who can be ready for such a thing?  

He left without goodbyes, it’s a crime to come back and act like it didn’t happen. 

Yet what he’s been so at rage at was the fact that you found sanctuary in Iwaizumis’ arms instead of his.  

“You’re acting like you don’t fucking love her too!”

The way Oikawa’s voice echoed through the car made Iwaizumi’s heartbeat way louder than he expected.  

He was trapped, wasn’t he?

Iwaizumi deeply let’s his decision sit in his mind before his mouth could release it from him. Would a scoff mirror his denial? Averting the topic would lead to the same impression but if he agrees- that draws a line for years long of friendship between him and Oikawa. Covering a lie is better than whole heartedly admitting how he’s grown attached to you, while the man who left you was still in love with you like he was. Trying to lie to himself and allowing the denial stick with him was a situation he’d never be able to escape.  

The first time he’s ever loved someone turns into a war—battling with his morals and the person who’s fought by his side throughout the years.

But what would be the prize if he won?

“I know where she could be.” Oikawa suggests, his voice holding calmness but his mind let Iwaizumi’s silence in his previous comment rest in his mind. He couldn’t look at him because he understood why his own best friend would fall for you. He wasn’t oblivious to the time it took him to answer, or even how his eyes widened like a deer in headlights. He knew either way. The moment where Iwaizumi moved in with you- it was bound to happen because loving you is something that both boys will do until one of them bends a knee, even if one of them fails to be the first to do so.

“How are you sure she’d be there?” The young trainer asks as Oikawa sighs sadly when he reminisces to the time where he had met you on a little park on the way home. He figured that the way you looked that night was the same reaction you’d have if you saw him.

“What are you doing here?” Tooru asks, a curious yet worried tone in his voice. He watches you lift your head from your hands to look at him before tensing up when you realized who was standing in front of you. You quickly wiped your eyes as your stare remains anywhere but where he was.

“It’s nothing.” You whispered as he shakes his head before taking the seat next to you, looking at you while he wonders on how he can help even if he had no business to.  

“You’d kill me if I say that your acting is a 5/10.” He jokes while you rolled your eyes, not needing the teases but what held you back from being arrogant was that you could feel how he wanted to stay with you.

“Whatever problem that is- I’m here if you ever need me.” Tooru says, his voice lowering showing how sincere he was with his words. Carrying burden on your shoulders isn’t to be face when you’re all alone so he was willing to take some of the heaviness if you let him.

“Thanks, Oikawa.” You said, looking at him with gratitude. He smiles before standing up with a hand extended for you to take while you stare at him with confusion.

“Tooru. It’s better that way.” He says while you smile fondly taking his hand while you stand up, taking the spot beside him.

You were thankful that he didn’t bother to ask what caused this breakdown and he chose to let his presence do the comfort you really needed.

“What’s your favorite food?” You look at him with an eyebrow raised as he waits for your answer. With the endless choices you had to pick one— which was a struggle but you had to respond.

“It’s F/F.”

“Then I’ll take you to the place that serves the best of it.”

He shakes his head before looking at Iwaizumi while the other boy sighs, choosing to trust Oikawa. He was in another realization that there were still missing parts of your relationship that you haven’t told him and it makes him feel like a cast away but he had no other option.  

“We have to try and go to that location.” Himari suggests making Hajime sigh knowing trying is the only way to lead you back to him. He gestures for Oikawa to tell him the where while he listens intently on the details. Finding himself familiar with the place, he sighs in relief when he realizes it was a place located near the path you’d take home in your high school days.

But why was he nervous?

Every part of him was aching with anxiety even if he trusted Oikawa. Tooru knows more about you than Iwaizumi but the ace felt as if he was too close to finally knowing you the way the captain did. He was close to landing a soft spot in your heart- perhaps he’s already earned it but there’s still that worry that even if he tries, it wouldn’t alter.

What if he sees you all bruised up? What if your clothes were ripped and how could he continue to act like it wasn’t his fault he let you wander alone? Though he feels like you’d scold him when you find out he’s laid the blame upon himself. 

He just thinks about how he wanted things to be different from the way it was now.

Iwaizumi believed Oikawa, he truly did yet there was a sickening voice in his mind that badly wanted the false accusation to be true but this selfishness was put aside when he knew that this was something you wished the gods for.  

He swallows it hard. The truth that was meant to break no matter the circumstance.  

He may be someone you needed but Oikawa was and always will come before him.

“Moving in with her? How easy do you think this will be?” Iwaizumi asks, his phone held tightly in his hands while Oikawa bites his lip, thinking of ways to make sure he can convince his best friend to help him.  

“I’ve set everything. I just need you to help me out on this one.” Oikawa begs while Iwaizumi lets out a scoff followed by his eyes rolling at the dismay. It’s unbelievable how the setter thinks making you agree to this crazy idea was going to be a breeze- a walk in the park even. Imagining you just willingly accepting this offer with bags packed and little to no fighting- it seems like a different version of you. Iwaizumi knew that you deeply missed Oikawa but it didn’t mean you were always ready to face him. He’s seen instances where you’ve mistaken a man to be Tooru but your initial choice is to hold onto the ace and hid behind him. He feels how tense your grip was, probably in fear that Oikawa was there and that made him realize that you’ve yet to gather the confidence to meet him.

“I’ll be home soon and I know it’s going to be difficult but... please Iwa.”

“Do you think this is what she wants?” Hajime asks, wishing that his answer wasn’t what he was expecting. He knows how Oikawa’s efforts will be nothing if he lets all of this go but then again, this was too absurd to happen without fail.

And Iwaizumi can’t bear to let you go this quick.

“I love her, Hajime. This is what we’ve always wanted to do— be with each other. Now, I know I fucked up and this may not be the best decision but if I let her walk away again then who am I to say that I love her in the first place?”  

“The problem is that you walked away first, Oikawa. Do you think I’d like to see her be in the same amount of fucking pain you gave her throughout the year? I’m not letting her move in with you when not even half of your problems are fucking solved,” he pauses trying to catch his breath but then there it was— the selflessness that he didn’t want to appear because you can’t be selfish when you're not even his to begin with.

“But if she wants to go... I can’t stop her, can I?”

“Take a turn here.” Oikawa directs as Hajime follows suit. Upon seeing the familiar street, he relaxes a little. Tooru then steps out just as Iwaizumi turns off the engine.

“I’ll check first.” the boy declares while Iwaizumi sighs, leaning on the seat. Himari wonders if she should follow him, not that it bothered her to stay behind, but seeing Oikawa in a rush with a hazy mind doesn’t mean he’d be able to calm down. Iwaizumi could feel her worry so he speaks.

“You can go but if you get lost, message me.”  

Himari stays still for a second. It occurs to her they haven’t shared a single conversation and the nerves of intimidation shows itself. The moment she entered the car, she knew there was something more than just tension. Talking to him like there wasn’t that field of uneasiness was difficult.  

Because she knows that he loves you too.

“Thank you but can I ask you something?” she asks while Iwaizumi shifts his body to look at her and pay some mind to what she’s going to say.

“Is she mad at me?”

The boy was more than surprised to hear it from her.  

“I have a feeling she knows or if she doesn’t, I don’t want to be looked as the girl who took the person she loves.” She confesses softly while Iwaizumi remained silent letting the words sink in his mind. The blonde smiles at him fondly realizing that her outburst completely left him stunned.

“I like Y/N. Whether you believe me or not, Oikawa talks about her too much and I would love to get the chance to see her without rivalry. I just feel like—with the idea of me and that dumbass being together for a year, it really doesn’t sound comforting to think of.”

“You will meet but I can’t lie and say that you didn’t leave an impression on her.” Iwaizumi says, the past tension disappearing when he realizes that she really wasn’t what the photo made her to be. He wishes he could tell you just how much of a person Himari was other than the girl you’d want to be.

The girl sighs but accepts it knowing it wasn’t alien to her to understand what you could possibly feel.

“Guess I’ll be finding that asshole for a while.” She says and Iwaizumi nods but there was a question that he let pass his mouth.

“How come you like her that much?”  

Himari smiles as she stares at the sky before looking back at the boy left in the car.

“She reminds me of my girlfriend.”  

With that sentence and the ace’s jaw to the floor of a reaction, she lets out a laugh before opening the door and exiting the vehicle and an obviously flustered Iwaizumi.

_

“Y/N?” Oikawa calls out for the seventh time as he stands still for a second, his legs burning from running in circles. He pants but he decides that there was no other option but to keep going.  

Anything that it takes to love you more than he ever could.

“You and me, right?”  

“Come back to me.” He whispers, resembling you last year with one of your desperate attempts in his voice messages.

Then the tears formed while his energy was deafening.

“I’m so sorry.” He mutters, hiding his face in his hands as he lets the guilt him harder than it did compared to Argentina. You were here— a location away and he was growing more and more scared at the thought if you out this without a trace of evidence that you were safe though that issue was one of his biggest concerns but what follows it is that the hope that he gathered was dying.

“Are you?”  

Just as his eyes landed on your distant figure, his legs were glued to the floor.

Move! Fuck- I need to hold her but why can’t I move?

“Oikawa.” You called out to him, to confirm that your tears weren’t mistaking him for another person. You heard him but perhaps you needed more than just that. This is Oikawa. The person you’ve waited for, cried for, loved for how many years, yet both of your feet didn’t bother to step forward.

Were you waiting for someone else?

“Y/N.” Then his feet gave in, leading them to you as well as a pair of arms whose waited nothing else then to feel this sensation again. He buries his face in your shoulder, tears dampening your shirt as he held you tightly with his sobs resonating in your ear but your arms never reacted to him.

But you broke down as well.

You couldn’t believe it. He was here, embracing you with every ounce of love he gives you but you stood there like your heart didn’t endlessly wail for him but numbness seems to have sided with victory this time.  

At the time where you needed to speak, the words that you wished served as an embrace transformed into a weapon.

“Tooru, I need you to let go.” you whispered softly while he shook his head, sobbing harder when he ponders on the fear that holds him down. Was this the last time? The everlasting moment where he could show you his regret while he begs you to continue an ever after with him?

Was he just meant to circle the world without you?

“If I move to a certain place, will you follow me?” He asks as his hands continues to caress your cheek while you smiled at him, before letting your own hand run through his brown locks. He closes his eyes before wrapping his arms around your waist, his slow breaths calming you both noticing how exhausted he was.

“Anywhere you go, as long as I’m with you, I’ll follow.”

“You promise?” he whispers, not letting his eyes open as he lets his imagination take him to countries that the both of you could visit and a tiny smile falls on his face when he realizes that he’d be able to travel around the world with a person who he’ll be seeing at the end of the altar.

“Of course, Tooru.”

When he meant that it’d always be you and him, it was partially true.

But the saying didn’t mean you’d always be together.

So, it’s always you and him- against each other's heart since the world you promised each other has faded.

“Y/N, if I let you go, are you going to return?”  

“I held on, didn’t I? What’s there to return to, Oikawa?”

“I’m so sorry.” But what he does next strikes a heavy hit to your heart as he lands on his knees, with his hands covering his face as he cries when he knew that an apology was the least cure that there is to mend an unfixable heart.

“Oikawa, stand up.” he shakes his head as he began to continuously apologize but all you wanted was to let the silence consume him. You hated this. You knew Oikawa was in pain too but seeing him in the same position you were in made your heart sting at how he cried in front of you when you knew he hated that you could see him like this.

“Babe? Hey- Tooru? I’m right here.” You asked him as you rushed to his side while he wipes his eyes immediately before putting on a smile as you hand him his towel, patting it down on his forehead. He looks at you as his eyes gather another batch of tears when he sees how worried you looked.  

He hates it when you see him cry.

Though he doesn’t mind being vulnerable, this was a side of him that stayed at rock-bottom and the efforts he made to come back at the top had been attempts that made him stay longer.

After patting his sweat, you looked at him as he was shaking at the mix of emotions of the outcome of the match with Shiratorizawa. He avoids eye contact with you as his tears fell on the gym floor.  

“Tooru.” you whispered as you cup his cheeks taking him by surprise as he stares at your loving eyes while you send him a smile, catching the tears that were streaming down. He leans into your touch and maybe his efforts of trying to leave rock-bottom weren’t all wasted.

Especially, when your hand was ready for him to take just as the bottom of the pit began to win him over.

“I love you.” It was only three words that could’ve carried more but to Oikawa, it was all he wanted to hear because you love for him spoke more than just those three. You meant it in every way that he can understand.

Because with a simple confession of love, it was already enough to lead the defeat away from him.

“And I love you more.”  

You crouch down as you tried to make him stand up but instead, he remained on the floor making you cry even more when you realized he leaned his weight on his bad knee, making you look away and choosing to hold his arm in order to hoist him up as you wept for him.

“Oikawa stand up!” You yelled but he looked up to see the endless flow of your tears as he shakes his head, disobeying your orders while your heart crumbles when he reaches his hand to your cheek, holding it fragilely as he stares at you with the same amount of pain you held in front of him.

When million words were needed, the silence chose to speak for itself.

Don’t you love me anymore? Oikawa thinks as he continues to watch the love of his life fall under the solitude he caused.

I love you with everything I have, but what can guarantee that it’s enough for me to stay when the pain is twice as the amount?

“Why are you here, Tooru?” You asked him as he uses his finger to wipe away the tear that was bound to fall, as a sad smile tugs on his lips.

“I’m here for you, Y/N. Only you.” Oikawa answers as he averts his eyes to the ground while your hands form into a fist because you already accepted the fact that he belonged to someone else, even if it made you throw away the memories in his car just to face the harsh reality.

Besides, the street lights didn’t lead you to him anymore.

“Stop lying to me. It shouldn’t be me anymore.” He lets his blurry eyes portray the betrayal that pulsated through his body as he repeatedly shakes head, refusing to believe that those words came from you. He didn’t fly here to confuse himself with his priorities. You were the only reason- hearing you say that you were the least of his intentions had him wondering the depths of his mistakes.

“It’s always been you and no one else! I came back for you- to fix this- us, Y/N! I-I'm so sorry!”

“IS THAT ALL YOU’RE GONNA SAY TO ME?”

The volume of your voice startled him when he sees your hand clutching tightly on your shirt as you stood up and the apple of your cheeks colored in frustration. 

“Am I ever going to get an explanation on why the person that I loved left me without goodbye? Am I just going to hear you apologize for hours and not a single answer is given to me? Oikawa- I waited- I want to forgive you so fucking badly but I’m expecting more than an apology without you telling me why you did it!” You didn’t mean to raise your voice to such an extent but the answer you waited for a year was yet to be given a response.

Hearing his pleas brought an emotion you weren’t familiar with. You expected that he would apologize but at first you didn’t know why it gave you disappointment instead of satisfaction. Surely, you wanted to hear it- let it replay in your ears for as long as you wished but that wasn’t enough to patch up a heart that’s been through more than just a slice in the middle.

“And why did it have to be the last time that we were happy?” You asked him with your voice purely showing the torment you go through when you remember the last night that scarred your emotions. How was he able to leave after a night of serenity? Were his laughs all a cover up his plan of leaving you as fast as he could?  

“Please answer me, Tooru.” You begged but it came as a whisper when you aggressively wiped your eyes that were exhausted and tempted to close.  

Oikawa bites his lip but takes a deep breath before letting his words decide the outcome.

“I lost grip on what I wanted to do. After that match- and all of the things that I couldn’t stop thinking about- everything was messy. An escape and a way to find that passion again were my options to get this sick feeling over.”

“But I was never in those options, wasn’t I?” he grips the fabric of his sweats beside him as he avoids your glistening eyes knowing how agonizing it was to hear it from him that you had been pushed to the dark corners of his mind like a forgotten idea.

“Are you sure, honey? This is unlikely of you to be spontaneous in this way.” his mother comments, her hand falling on top of her sons' hand. Oikawa smiles at her softly, sending a nod to his father as well. He knew his family was going to supportive no matter what, he was a star after all but he knew they were worried about him. A country with immense culture that he’s yet to learn about is a whole other experience but he felt as if it was the decision that could hold all the victories he wanted to earn.  

“What about Y/N? Why don’t you take her with you? School is finished and it’d be a great step for you two as a couple, Tooru.” He sighs heavily, placing his hands on his lap as he lets the question wonder over this head.

“I’ll figure it out.”

“Y/N-”

“And I guess contacting me wasn’t a good idea either?” You continued, the flare of rage igniting more as all of the excuses you made for yourself for his indecency have been made clear that it was his choice in leaving you in the past.

“How could you! You- fuck Oikawa!” You shouted as you felt your body shrivel with the anger as he tries to hold you but you pushed him away as the nearby stop lights painted the night a shade of red that resembled equal parts of anger and love.

“What was that for?” You asked him with a giggle as he smothers your hand with gentle pecks. During a red light, it became a habit for him to show you affection while you wait for it to turn green. You always drove late together so when the streets weren’t occupied, his voice would echo through the air when he shouts your name with a declaration of how much he loves you, or sometimes he’d steal kisses catching you off guard like he’s doing now.

“Well, it’s obvious that you didn’t complain babe.” He teases as you lean closer, giving him a subtle kiss on his temple making him blush instantly. He smiles at you before taking your hand and landing a peck to your ring finger as your heartbeat picks up an irregular pattern while the light turns green, his brown eyes leaving yours.

“Now, what about that?” You asked him while he fixates his focus on the road ahead but his dream with you causes him to smile like the lovesick fool that he was.

“In case I couldn’t do it in the future.”

“Fuck you for leaving and acting like I wasn’t here! You and your girl-”

“Oikawa?”

When your eyes landed on a familiar blonde, the chances of saying those three words once again began to disappear.

“Y/N?”  

And with the sound of her voice, everything became blurry when you remember the way she looked next to him with a smile.

“I’m Himari.” she introduces herself while taking cautious of her words when she sees the drop in your features. She hesitates to take a step forward knowing the mind who misunderstood was sharper than hers.

“And you brought your girlfriend.” you said with another sigh of exhaustion and when Himari hears this sentence she immediately knew what impression she had left from Iwaizumi’s words. She takes a step forward making you lower your head, not wanting to be near the person who was the main focus of Oikawa for a year but there wasn’t an ounce of spite that was directed to her.

“Y/N, we’re not dating.” Oikawa assures you, mimicking Himari’s actions, hoping that he could hold onto your hand and change your mind which he knew it was a little too late when his conversation with his best friend resonates through his ears.

“What do you think? She’s fucking crying again.”

“We are not dating, I promise. I helped him for you to settle in Argentina.”

Argentina?

“Oikawa- what does she mean I’ll be settling?”  

The silence on the side opposite to you has never been louder. Oikawa and Himari share a look while you stood there with more than confusion that was mixing in your range of emotions. Your eyes dart between him and the girl while the beats of their heart began to speed up, not because of their own panic, but for you. Himari then awakens from the absurd idea she was brought into. Being in this tense atmosphere, she knew it was the wrong move all along but it seems to strike her more when she sees the way the flow of your tears didn’t alter.

“Tooru, answer me.”

“He didn’t tell you.” Oikawa says making Himari groan and before she could approach you, she sees a figure running your way.

“Y/N!” Iwaizumi shouts before he engulfs you in his arms while there was a wave of relief that overcomes you as you immediately reciprocate his embrace as he caresses your hair and holds you tight. The worry in him dissolves when he ran and saw that you had zero injuries but when he saw your puffed cheeks and sore eyes, he wanted nothing more than to hold you when he realized the two were stood in front of you.

“Thank fuck you’re okay, please never leave me like that again.” He whispers while you nod and within this moment, you found a way to breathe properly as Hajime continues to keep you near him but when his eyes landed on Oikawa’s defeated orbs, he pulls away gently.

Himari saw how one of them had their heart sewn back together while the other one shattered.  

“You didn’t tell her?” Oikawa asks while your head turns to Iwaizumi who had his eyebrows raised but he looked at your confused expression and realizes he was pertaining to the issue of moving together. As you cautiously watch his features, you take a step away from him, standing in the middle of the two boys.

“Iwa, you knew?”  

Fuck. The situation he was in felt like a twist of fate. When the idea was brought to him, he wasn’t planning to go on about it but this was Oikawa. The boy he grew up with, shared his dreams and weaknesses, and the one who reminded him that a burden should never be carried alone.  

“I’m not going to lose to you, Oikawa.”

“That’s good to hear, Iwa-chan.”

But then you came and suddenly the competition grew into something more, a level that could end up having gold or having nothing when it came down to the winner.

“So, you two just accepted the fact that I’m willing to forget that he left and live with him that easily?” The two players remain silent even Himari chose to avoid barging in on a matter that only included the three of you but it did pain her to watch this unfold. She wonders how you carry this amount of pain and betrayal. It’s evident that the two have more than just a special place in your life.  

It’s as if your heart wasn’t just yours anymore.  

“Y/N, I wasn’t going to let you go just like that.” Hajime says but then he held back a few words that he knew would change everything for the three of you but it seems as if there already was a cut in the unity.

“Tooru, what did you do?” After hearing his answers, nothing became clear. There were missing details and words that you wished you could hear from him. With the surprise of moving to Argentina- it felt as if you were stuck in you and Oikawa’s past dream of travelling the world. This was one of the promises that could’ve stayed if not for the terrible timing. To witness the beauty of the different countries with Oikawa could’ve been a moment in your life where there was nothing but pure bliss and admiration for each other- which then turned into isolation.

“Back in Brazil, I had Himari help me with everything we needed to move in together. I thought that this would’ve been the chance for us to be together again- to have you with me and make up for all my mistakes. I know you’ve had enough with my promises so I’m not making more. I’m doing whatever it takes because I love you so much, Y/N.”

“Where did that love go, Oikawa?”

Perhaps that love was replaced by fear, especially when he can see his own reflection on Iwaizumi.

“Y/N,” the setter approaches you with care as he holds your hand, almost letting his doubts run him over when the idea of you letting go strikes his mind. He then looks at you which made you hold your breath when his eyes brought you to a memory you chose to forget.

“I love you, you know?”

“Why are you speechless?” Tooru asks while he stops walking to gaze at your flustered reaction. He then smiles before standing in front of you and places his hand on the crown of your head.

“Does that mean that I don’t show much I love you?” You shook your head while his previous words rang in your ears like your favorite song and looking at him now, your heart is overjoyed with your own love for the boy.

Taking him by surprise, you wrapped your arms around his neck attacking him in a tight embrace with an irreplaceable smile while he laughs and takes your waist by the arm muttering the same three words that he said earlier. Oikawa twirls you around while you returned the feeling.

“I love you more, Tooru!” He puts you down before cupping your cheeks with his hands as he savors the look in your eyes that only held him in it. He lowers his head as you didn’t hesitate to close the space between you and him.

But what is the same man that was in front of you?

“Iwaizumi, let’s give them some space.” Himari suggests, softly tugging on Iwaizumi’s sleeve. With hesitation, he still agreed but his eyes lingered on you who was held by Oikawa and with the sight of it had him let your words resonate in his ears as his heart silently bawls.

“Don’t fall in love with my broken pieces, Hajime. You deserve someone who is- complete.”

I’m too late, Y/N.

Himari who held onto his arm, stopped walking when she sees the longing stare that Iwaizumi’s eyes held for you. She could sense that every part of his body desired to be close to yours and catch you over and over again just to be with you. She smiles fondly when she realizes that she must’ve looked like this in the past- sick in love without a trace of fear to do anything for the person you adored but what did it feel to fight for your heart against his own best friend?

“But if she wants to go... I can’t stop her, can I?”

I want to try even if it isn’t me.

“Hate me, punch me for leaving, go on. Call me stupid and more but not being yours is the worst thing there is to say.” Tooru begins, long breaths within pauses to ensure his honesty is apparent in every word he speaks because he needed to make ends meet knowing this was the only solution to find his way back to you.  

And with an open heart, you listened.

No matter how many times he’s scarred you, you believed that he was still the same Tooru that cured the pain.

So when he held your cheek in both his hands, you saw nothing more than the boy you would love all over again.

“I am more than sorry for everything that I’ve done but I know that those aren’t the words you waited to hear. It’s my fault and to think that deciding without you knowing or even contacting you after I left are just actions that I regret everyday. I’ll accept if you don’t forgive me— I understand and it’s only right for me to deserve it but it doesn’t mean I won’t try for us to be together again.” He rests his forehead on yours as you silently let the tears land on his hands as he whimpers, closing his eyes as he finds it harder and harder to maintain his pace of breathing while you didn’t dare to open your eyes and look at the weeping boy.

“I c-can’t change what I did but I want you to know that within that year—being without you was more than I can take. So, if you let me hold you just for a while, then maybe I-“ He couldn’t even bare to finish his own sentence when his sobs interfered with him as you could feel the way his hands felt weaker against your skin but he held it with all his emotions.  

But when your arms began to wrap around his neck with your chin to his shoulder, his heartbeat took a leap but he instantly wraps his own around your waist as he sobs into your shoulder while another person watched in sorrow.

“I can’t forget what you did but holding you is more than I wished for, Tooru.” He smiles slightly as he closes his eyes and embraces your warmth that he craved for as your thoughts ran with the seconds that passed. He strokes your hair with his hands as your heart nearly aches at how gentle he was as if every action would lead to another permanent stain on you but you held onto him more when you felt the familiar ache pulse through your body. The nostalgia it gave you holding him like this leads you to feel the past embraces he’d give after every game, after every melt down, and after every argument. He may not be able to express his repenting with mere sentences but what you knew is that with every action he does is covered in the stories he failed to tell. After all, he’s your Tooru Oikawa. The boy who gave you every ounce of love and joy even if brought you to your knees, even if the promises turned to dust. So, letting your words course through him, he subtly pulls away and looks at you with a smile as you took a few steps back.

And with a few more heavy steps of decision, you grabbed his hand, interlacing it with yours as your hesitation lies under your skin.

But your heart was certain as it is.

—

The sun rose as you stretched, the immediacy of silence creeping around your room as you watched the clouds showcase the beaming colors of its rays. Smiling with bliss, you step out of your bed and began to run your usual motives. With your clothes all pampered and ready, you wore them with pride as you looked at yourself in the mirror with a photo to the side as another flutter of a heartbeat came your way.  

Dialing his number, his voice came in a second later as the glee in your heart overflows at the sound of him.

“Congratulations, Tooru! God, you were amazing and words cannot express how proud I am of you!” You cheered as the boy cries over the phone with the medal hanging on his neck with his tears decorating his cheeks as you too shed a few tears seeing him succeed over the television. Seeing him shine in the lights, displaying his winning smile as he was embraced by his fellow teammates was a view that had you let out a few shouts of exhilaration knowing this has been his dream that you supported throughout everything. He truly deserved it.

“I wish you were here but fuck thank you so much.” He says with a never-ending smile as you looked at the photo on your mirror making your heart chase the happiness that it gave you to see him like this. Glancing on a familiar vehicle park outside the building, you let out a laugh before speaking once again.

“Let’s make up for lost time.” You suggested, making the length of his smile grow as he too looks at a photo present in front of him. With two hearts lured into serenity, there wasn’t a moment more perfect than this.

“I’d like that.” Oikawa replies as you continued to put on your shoes.

“Are you good to go?” he asks as you answered a short yes before grabbing your things, and leaving the apartment as you pressed the phone to your ear to listen further.

“I’ll see you real soon.” Tooru says with a certain tease in his tone as you let out a chuckle before pressing the button to end the call.

As you walked to the car, you could feel the excitement rushing to you as he opens the door for you as you bid him a smile as he steps into the drivers seat and the love-struck boy wonders if the passenger seat has looked this bright. Seeing you in the afterglow as the sun entered the vehicle, covering you in the rays of it made his heart grew the prettiest flowers.

“What’s wrong?” you asked as he shook his head before leaning closer to land a peck to your cheek, pushing aside a strand of hair just to tuck behind your ear as your cheeks grew into the hue of love as his own orbs displayed a deeper amor than before.

“I love you that’s all.” He confesses making you smile as you intertwine your hands in his as he presses a firm kiss on it and with his free hand he turns on the engine. Turning his head so his eyes met your loving ones, he speaks.

“Ready for our drive?”  

“As ready as I can be, Hajime.”

Taglist: @dekuspet @splaterparty0-0 @jihyunnxtooru @sakusakei-omi

[bpdanakins]

i just infodumped to my friends about bpd anakin and i have No Regrets snakjdkajfsk

anyway, doth thee have any more bpd anakin (or just anakin in general) headcanons becuase i am living for this

I am So Sorry this took so long, but hopefully the length makes up for it. Thank you so much for sending this to me bc BPD!Anakin is my entire life. I could talk about it all day, every day.

I’d like to thank @apple-grass-and-smiles for helping me organize my Thoughts on all of this, prompting me to focus on certain things and giving me feedback in general too. 

Okay, here goes:

Anakin fidgets!! I’m not even sure if this is a headcanon but if it is I will die on this hill. He can’t stay still for the life of him and doubly so when he’s anxious, nervous or Ready To Do Something Already. 

We know Anakin can’t hold eye contact to save his life when he’s upset or insecure, but I can also see him having issues with touch when he’s upset, unless it’s from certain people only (Padmé always gets a pass, for example).

Anakin’s quick to let some small stuff go, but larger things people do that hurt him (whether intentionally or not) aren’t really ever forgotten, and he just kind of takes that in and suppresses it, until random moments when it pops up, he remembers, and it just hurts like it’s happening all over again. The people around him often have no idea what fully sets him off, bc to them, his reaction now seems out of nowhere while his mind’s still stuck on this other thing.     - His reactions also seem sometimes like they’re Over The Top, but even just remembering past hurts can feel almost disabling at times. It’s worse when he ends up ruminating on it, because the hurt and feelings of betrayal just keep building up over and over until it almost blots everything else out.

When he’s happy or surrounded by those he loves, everyone kind of can feel it too, bc he’s just fuckoff powerful in the Force and esp other Force sensitives kind of gather around his space and just… his affection and excitement are literally infectious. 

This probably runs closer to ADHD than BPD for sure, but get him talking about anything mechanical (robotics, engineering, racing, etc) and he will go from 0 to 100 so fast you’d get whiplash. No one minds though bc, as I said, his excitement is infectious and honestly those around him just adore listening to him go off even though half of it goes over their head.     - Ahsoka may not ever get Gotta Go Fast, but she definitely loves it when he really talks her ear off about all this stuff, bc it makes her excited to learn and she picks up on all of it easily. (There’s a part of her that wants to emulate him and she does def look up to him obviously.)     - We see it with Obi-Wan, but people love to use his love of all things mechanical as a way to distract him from things that upset him. It doesn’t always work but they try.

With Obi-Wan, he ends up on the side of Anakin’s splitting like, all the time. And unfortunately sometimes Obi-Wan can’t tell that Anakin’s lashing out not because of something Obi-Wan’s actually done, but bc Anakin’s young and Obi-Wan’s the figure he can project a lot of his frustrations on.     - It can lead Obi-Wan to being confused and hurt sometimes, bc he doesn’t always understand Anakin’s thought processes when this happens, and it definitely sometimes cuts him to the core. On the reverse side, though Anakin might not always say it to his face, Obi-Wan definitely can overhear him at times when Anakin’s ready to 1v1 anyone who even so much as makes a frowny face about Obi-Wan, which helps Obi-Wan remember that Anakin does love him too, actually.     - It ends up being one of the points of frisson between Anakin and Mace, bc Anakin can’t read body language perfectly, especially when it comes to feelings of abandonment or someone seemingly not loving who Anakin loves to the same degree. Mace has a drier sense of humor at times and defs has a more resting frowny face, and this rankles Anakin at times bc he can’t always tell when Mace is just chilling vs being disappointed, and while Anakin will take it all personally, he ALSO takes any perceived criticism to those he loves personally too.     - Both Mace and Obi-Wan don’t get this bc they have a perfectly fine relationship. Anakin’s just Like That.     - (And super overprotective of people’s perceptions of Obi-Wan. Anakin will go off about Obi-Wan being mean and all that, but fuck you and your entire family tree if you ever even think Obi-Wan’s anything short as the most amazing Jedi to ever Jedi.)

Everybody and their mother can see the pedestal Anakin puts Padmé on, and surprisingly she rarely is on the end of his splitting. When he does, he just internalizes it bc he can’t stand the idea that he’s somehow seen her in a wrong light, or he feels guilty for getting angry with her.     - He also defines a huge chunk of his life around loving her, making her his center for a lot of his decisions and reactions, so when they’re off, his whole world seems backwards. It makes him Really uncomfortable and unsure. He gets panicky and upset and often people have no idea what the cause is so they just end up a lil panicky in return.     - He tends to take it out on others, by doing an exercise or by disappearing to fiddle with something.     - Pads has an easier time recognizing Anakin’s emotional needs, bc in some ways they’re the same as hers. She’s good at reaching out to him, comforting him and reassuring him of her love. And in turn, he like, never fucking shuts up about how much he loves her, and those moments are what make her feel so special around him. Being loved by Anakin makes someone feel important and even get tingly, bubbly happy feelings, because it’s hard to doubt it sometimes.     - There’s a part of her that sometimes worries about how Intense he is, but, like I said, when his positive intense emotions are focused on you, it feels wonderful. And he’s genuinely super sweet and gentle, and she appreciates that, when she tells him to back off about something, he’ll listen to her wishes. (I’m using movie Anakin as my base here bc TCW!Anakin in this regard is just…. bad y’all lmao)

Anakin’s anxious about Ahsoka All The Time. He’s afraid he’s a bad teacher, he’s afraid he’ll mess her up somehow, he’s afraid he’ll hurt her or she’ll get hurt, and that’s why he can’t stand the idea sometimes of her being on her own. It’s not a lack of trust in her abilities, but because he feels responsible for her, and that’s why he’s always ready to put himself between her and literally anything that could potentially hurt her. (Even if it’s not a physical threat.)     - There are times she finds this amusing and times this makes her angry, but mostly she is long suffering. There are times she appreciates it though, bc she’s still a kid and isn’t always sure which way is up, especially when in a war. Anakin is often a cornerstone for her, and though she’d literally NEVER admit it, his overprotectiveness can sometimes be a reassurance. She knows she can handle herself just fine, but when she has an inkling of doubt, she’ll remind herself that Anakin will be there, and then go and take care of the problem herself.     - She doesn’t always get his moments where he’s not always falling over himself to talk Obi-Wan up or go out of his way to sass at him. To her, they have a wonderful relationship and she rarely notices when Obi-Wan might say something that pokes at Anakin wrong, so she often just winds up ???? when Anakin is huffy or annoyed with her grandmaster.     - She sees Anakin’s anger issues a little more easily than others, and she worries about it but always brushes it off or downplays it, bc she always sees why he’s angry, and also always just assumes (like everyone else) that he can Handle It.     - Anakin’s recklessness and impulsivity are some of her favourite things about being his padawan. He’s literally never boring to be around, and Ahsoka needs that sort of excitement to sometimes push aside the knowledge that she’s literally in a warzone. Anakin’s also really good at doing this intentionally; he’s literally always worrying after her, and all he wants to do is take care of those he loves and make them happy, so sometimes he’ll be Extra just to get under her skin or distract her and honestly this is the basis of where their playful competitions always come from.

If Ahsoka is long suffering, Rex is doubly so. Sometimes it’s all he can do to keep up with Anakin and Ahsoka, but he appreciates Anakin “thinking outside the box”. He also appreciates knowing that Anakin is just as loyal to him and his men as he himself is (well… Anakin is until he isn’t lmao)     - Rex, like Pads, is really good at picking up Anakin’s moods and even trains of thought, so he’s always able to work around that, or even see where Anakin’s mind is going when coming up with a plan. They make a really good team bc while Anakin can jump from one idea to another without them seemingly correlated, Rex immediately follows Anakin’s leaps and they just end up in sync.     - That being said, Anakin can be really confusing at times. His moods are often so all over the place, that Rex generally has no idea what tf is going on. He deals with it by learning to be calm when Anakin’s unable to, and just ride out Anakin’s worst moods until they pass by, learning not to let it all phase him. Anakin lowkey hates it when he’s upset, but once the worst of it passes, he really appreciates that Rex will just… not press like Obi-Wan, or balances out the moments Anakin’s mind is so cluttered by instead just keeping a good focus on things.

Probably everyone’s most baffling symptom of Anakin’s is his paranoia. Obi-Wan kind of sees it the most, because Anakin is always testy with the Council and often feels put on the spot, dismissed and looked down upon. To everyone else, they don’t get where Anakin’s ideas come from, bc everything seems chill on their end. His fretting about others’ well-being is straightforward enough, but his instant panic-turned-anger shift when he receives any criticism (especially the perceived type) always gives people whiplash. It’s hard to keep up with, hard to see what it was that got to him so much, and hard to know how to help (particularly when they’re worried that trying to help him will feel like “taking sides”).     - Ahsoka takes Anakin’s POV of the Council pretty easily, at least when it comes to him. This is mostly bc she’s not there when there’s a meeting or tension around them, nor was she there when Anakin first arrived, so she just assumes they must genuinely often have issues with him too. She doesn’t see it to the extent Anakin does though, but she recognizes that sometimes he seems to blow things out of proportion when he’s upset, and figures it’ll just blow over once he’s calmed down.     - Pads, on the other hand, is always kind of aware of Anakin’s fears of losing her. He often not-so-subtly looks for reassurances that she loves him and won’t leave him, that she’s feeling alright or not angry/annoyed with him. She chalks it up to his trauma with his mother (and she’s partially right), so even when sometimes it gets on her nerves that he seems to doubt her so much, she tries to remind herself of that and let it go. 

Those closest to him can pick up that Anakin tends to see the negative in things, and is generally really hard on himself. They try to help out by giving praise where it’s due and just overall Being There, but it’s Rough to know they often don’t get through. (Palps, on the other hand, knows how to weaponize this.) 

The saddest part is that I don’t think anyone once thought Anakin was Seriously Ill, partly out of ignorance, partly bc they assumed it had to do with his age/upbringing, and partly bc, eventually, everyone was dealing with trauma and even if someone wanted to send Anakin back to the Temple to have a nap or something, they legit couldn’t bc there was a war going on and he also would never have tolerated it at that point in time.     - Obi-Wan’s the one who worries about all of this the most, because he’s always felt such a huge responsibility for Anakin and loves him a lot, he’s just never fully been able to understand how to get on the same wavelength as Anakin.     - Anakin, too, actually never fully figures out that there is something Going On. Everything’s always overwhelming him and even though he prefers doing things at 100mph, sometimes it seems like there is Too Much going on, and even during peace times it just felt like he couldn’t keep up with everything. He hates internal reflection but also can’t stop overthinking about everything, and so he just ruminates and goes in circles and often just ends up going nowhere when it comes to dealing with things. He tries his hardest all the time, he is ALWAYS trying, but doing stupid stunts, fighting droids, making robots and speeding everywhere all the time is truthfully only a bandaid.     - Being surrounded by those he adores and receiving affection from them/seeing them happy boosts his mood a lot but he doesn’t have enough self-awareness to guess at why his happier moods just won’t last.     - Sometimes he can figure out when he’s being irrational and then just takes it out on himself, which only exacerbates his bad episodes. 

Palpatine doesn’t help. He’s abusive, manipulates Anakin all the time and is the Worst and definitely makes everything Anakin is struggling with harder and I think we should all just punt him into a sun thank you this isn’t a headcanon I just want everyone to know how much I hate him

[stardancerluv]

Being a Good Friend

Part 18

Summary: Winning doesn’t always mean it ends happy and warm.

Arthor’s Note: Dialogue from the movie is in italics!

With his blood still rushing in his ears, he went over to your flat. His tires screeched as he pulled up and parked in front. He cut the engine and getting out on legs that may have felt like rubber but actually held him up, he managed to get out of his car.

As he opened the door and then ended up holding it open for one of the guys, that lived there. He nodded politely. Glad there was no small talk. He couldn’t, he barely was knitting two thoughts together.

Finally, then he made it to your door. Before he could even knock, he just leaned heavily beside it. His head spun, his stomach churning he felt like he could quite possibly be sick. He was out of breath and ice cold fear slid through his body.

Swallowing, he closed his eyes and struggled and managed to gather himself. He laid hand on you door.

That is where he stopped, opening his eyes he pulled his hand back. Tearing, himself away he ran back downstairs.

He looked up and practically flung himself back into his car. Putting it into gear he headed back to the paper.

*****

You were confused, reclining on the sofa when you heard the distinct sound of Alex’s car. Your heart lifted. For the briefest of moments, you saw his face. He was incredibly pale. You shook off your worry, as you watched that familiar head of hair as he held open the door for the guy from 2E. Then he made his way into your building.

Work, had been horrible. Rose who had finally left a little while ago had been insufferable. Asking, you questions you didn’t have answers to. You ran your fingers through your hair. You expected the knock, expected the key in the lock. None of it came.

Your stomach instantly churned. You heart beat thudded hard in your stomach. Reaching, your fingertips grazed the door knob.

You heard a screech and ran to the window, you watched just as Alex tore away in his car. You wrapped your arms around your middle. “Alex.” You sobbed, your breath fogging up the window as you looked out. Why had he not popped in. Worry and anguish filled you. That had never happened.

You remembered how one day, the two of you had a row. Pouting, you had gone back here. Sometimes, he really could be a smug little bastard. Well, he wouldn’t have it. He tore over and using his key let himself in.

In the end, it had all been terribly silly. Before the night was over, you were wearing his super comfy gray hoodie that was huge on you while you danced around the kitchen much to his amusement. You made a dessert you and him loved and then you curled up to his side watching one of his favorite horror movies. What would you give to be back there. You were sad and confused.

******

Walking across the parking lot, he lit himself a cigarette. He inhaled deeply. It actually, helped to calm him a little. Stomping, it out he went inside.

He had to get this article done. If he didn’t his boss would surely wonder. Opening, his laptop he went to work. Inhaling, he opened a new document.

TRIPLE CORPSE HORROR, he typed. Pressing, his lips together he continued.

“Law? Are you back already?”

Alex, barely looked up. “Yes, sir.”

“Good. Good. If you get that done soon enough, we can put that in the evening edition.”

He looked up. “I’ll try sir.”

“Good work son, we’ll have the exclusive if you do.”

Words...Sentences....paragraphs came to together. Finally, he sat back and his chair creaked. He skimmed it and happy with it, he sent it on to his boss.

Feeling, like all that had been rushing through him since being in the forrest was gone. He pushed his laptop away and laid his head on his arms. He shook his head.

Sitting, up something caught his eye. He smiled and took the photo. Holding, the photo he smiled. He remembered when he took that of the two of you.

“Law.” His boss hollered. “Get in here.”

Pressing, his lips together he put the photo down.

He knocked the on the door frame. “Yes?”

His boss spun in his chair and practically leapt from it. “Law, you did it. We got the exclusive.” He reached out excitedly and shook him. “It is already printing. Go and grab a copy or two.”

Alex smiled broadly. “Fantastic. Glad you liked it sir.”

“Liked it? Law, I loved it. Now go, enjoy your night. Take that little girly of yours out.”

He smirked, “Will do, sir.”

*****

On his way to his car, he called you. It went straight to voicemail. Sighing, he made his way downstairs. The scent of ink greeted him before he was even on the ground floor.

*****

Since, you were not picking up your phone he decided to head back to his own flat. At least, if David and Juliet were there he’d give them a copy and tell them what he knew.

Sighing, he walked in and found them both sotting there. It immediately made him feel ill at ease.

“My boss, made me go.”

“Right.” Juliet said flatly. “Well, we were just sorting things out.”

“I told you it wasn’t deep enough and you wouldn’t listen.” David berated him.

Alex, threw the papers aside. “Doesn’t necessarily matter. They barely know who these people are. And they have nothing to connect us with them. Nothing!”

“I am glad you are so certain, Alex.” David quipped before firing more at him. “It makes us feel a whole lot better.”

“I beg your pardon?” Did, he really just say that Alex wondered.

“That makes us feel a whole lot better.” Juliet added mimicking David.

“That’s what I thought you said.” Alex’s stomach continued you to churn. Sighing, he retired to his cold room.

He tried you one last time. This time he was able to leave a message.

“Little Dove, where are you?” He swallowed. “Listen, David and Juliet are acting really odd. I’m spending the night here. Come over if you want, I miss you. I’m cold.” He hung up then.

He slipped into his pajamas and shivered. It had been ages, since he didn’t have you to curl up to. Despite, playing tug of war with the blankets or sometimes, your terribly cold feet from time to time, he really wished you were there. He couldn’t imagine what was going on.

Pulling the blanket tighter around himself and pressing his eyes, he prayed for sleep.

******

You had been ill with worry. When his first call came, you honestly had been in the tub, trying to forget how anxious you felt. Why had he driven away, it just ate away at you. But he had not left a message and that ate away at you even more.

You stuffed yourself with some bad food, which ended up giving you a tummy ache. You almost threw it all up when Rose, through a copy of Alex’s paper at you with his story about the bodies.

Finally and very reluctantly, you pulled on your pajamas. Pulling the blankets around you, you kept one foot out, hoping that you would fall asleep fast.

It had been forever since, you slept without Alex. Curled up to him or even fighting with the blankets, you missed him. You missed his scent. Sure one side of your bed, did now smell like him but oh, barely brought you comfort. You missed him so much and wish you knew what had happened.

Startled, not realizing you had even fall asleep. You phone buzzed to life. Reaching, out to it you saw that it was almost morning.

“Alex!” You practically cried, answering your phone.

“Y/N” A whisper filled your ear.

“Alex, is that you?”

“Yes! Come now,” Alex hissed. “David, Juliet ...” then the called got cut short. Your heart was in your throat.

@mac-n-cheesie @dance-like-russia-isnt-watching @rosionis @rentskenobi @brookisbi @johallzy @darling-i-read-it @professionalclown @chogisss @obiwankenobiness @i-love-scott-mccall @stardust-and-starlight @the-mandalorian-clone-lover @unfilteredmoonchild @pooshnulooshnu

[self-proclaimed-chaotic-good]

Worth the Risk | Bodhi Rook x Reader (2/2)

Words: 1839

A/N: I hope you've enjoyed this small continuation for [Run Away With Me]. I've been alternating between writing and drawing and I hope to one day tackle those big projects that I've been meaning to do for years. I like to think that my current skills won't do them justice, so I just have to keep on writing, keep on drawing, until I reach that level.

-

You couldn’t keep still as you neared the village where your parents had settled. They had set up a farm and built connections with their community. When you had asked for directions for their place, the people were hesitant in giving up such information until you told them who you were.

You regret not seeing them sooner. It had been years since you last saw them, but you always made sure that they were financially comfortable. Seeing them rush out of their home with gray streaks in their hair and the wrinkles on their face being more defined, you couldn’t help but cry into their shoulders as their bodies slammed into yours.

Your mother was making dinner with Desa’s help as you spoke to your father about your adventures and run-ins. Then it came to the part where not only were you smuggling goods, you were smuggling people. You didn’t know what to expect when telling them, but seeing the proud smile on your father’s face made you let out a sigh of relief.

“Oh, and guess who we ran into a few years back?” your mother said from the kitchen. “That sweet boy that you always used to hang out with back on Jedha. Bodhi. Nice boy, though… he did have an Imperial uniform on…”

“What did you expect? The Empire had taken over Jedha,” your father replied.

“Well,” you said, straightening up in your seat, “He defected. He’s with the Rebel Alliance now. In fact, he had helped destroy the Death Star.”

“Oh, really?” your mother said excitedly, looking over her shoulder at you.

You nodded. “I’ve worked on a mission with him and his crew before.”

“Look at our kid, all grown up and fighting tyranny!” Your father exclaimed. “So, did you get a rebel uniform or something?”

“No, I… I’m not officially part of the Rebellion, but they said I was welcomed to join.”

“Well, why not? This will be good for you. You’d be in good hands. No more doing dangerous dealings.”

“I just thought it’d put the both of you in danger,” you said, frowning. “All this time, ever since we left Jedha, you guys had to hide. If I’m part of the cause that fights against the Empire, I thought that they’d try to go after you two again.”

Your mother sighed, wiping her hands before slinging the hand towel over her shoulder. She leaned against the counter and gave you a smile. “Sweetie. We’re okay. This community was built by people who swore to protect and look after one another and they are certainly against the Empire. I know it doesn’t mean that we’re completely safe, but no one truly is until this whole war is over.”

You leaned back in your chair and absorbed your mother’s words. She was right, of course, and you trying to remain neutral had been proven futile the more you witnessed the aftermath of the Empire’s rotten touch. Being neutral in this war will do no good for anyone. You needed to take a stand and commit to it. But, there was one other thing that you never thought you were afraid of until you looked back on it.

“Mom, when dad would travel to dangerous places or work with dangerous people or cargo, did you ever… thought of the worst? Like, if something were to happen to him, were you scared? Did you ever consider… not dealing with all of that anymore?”

Your mother nodded, taking the seat next to your father. He reached over and tangled his calloused fingers with her worn out ones. “Of course I have. Many times. Even when you grew up and went with him. I thought… our child shouldn’t have to live this life. In an ideal world, you wouldn’t have to. But you two always came back. My two loves. Even before you were born, when your father’s business started honest, it was still risky. We didn’t have much to begin with and there were risks of thieves and pirates stealing his goods. I thought of ways where we didn’t have to hustle and bleed and sweat to get by, but our situation wouldn’t allow that. I figured as long as we were together, we can get through it no matter what.”

She offered you a reassuring smile, untangling her hand from your father who pouted. She rubbed a hand on his back and whispered something about his palm getting sweaty. You followed her to the kitchen where Desa was finishing up the soup.

“How do I know that I’m making the right decision?” you asked her, the image of you breaking through the clouds and preparing to land on the tarmac of the Rebel base made your heart race.

“Did you think you were making the right decision saving all of those families?”

You nodded. “Well, yes, but…-”

“I think,” she squeezed your shoulders and looked you directly in the eyes, “you already know.”

Desa had told you almost the exact same thing, but it felt different coming from your mother. Like she was telling you to let go of your fears and do what your heart is telling you, to do what’s right. It was like a heavy weight had lifted from your shoulders, the sudden light feathery feeling making you anxious and excited.

“Mom…”

“Go, honey! And make you come visit us when you can or at least contact us as much as possible.”

You hugged your parents farewell and looked around for Desa. You didn’t even notice when she had left the house. There was only one place she could have gone. Jogging back to the ship, you already saw Desa warming up the engines.

“My current information claims that the Rebellion resides on the same planet that we had arrived on before,” she said as you aboard the ship, not at all surprised that you were there. “But they will relocate soon.”

“We should head there as soon as possible, then.”

-

Bodhi slid out from under the U-Wing with a long winded sigh, tossing the rag aside, his eyes drifting up tohe clear night sky. It’s a nice night to fly out, but the Rebellion had been on alert for any remaining Imperial soldiers that could find them. He needed to be ready at all times. It wasn’t just casual flying that he was yearning for.

He couldn’t pinpoint the exact moment that his feelings towards you became more than friendly, but he did remember his heart aching when he ran to your house and found it gone. All that remained was furniture, everything else stripped bare of any personality, as if your family left in a rush. Not enough time to say goodbye, then, he had thought. Surely, you had your reasons.

There were many times where he imagined how your reunion would go. That he’d be at the markets in Jedha, buying a meal with the extra credits he won from Sabaac, when you’d appear within the crowd, pushing passed everyone to get to him. Or maybe on one of his runs for the Empire, you’d be one of the traders that had his order to pick up. He’d ask you to leave with him, and you’d take his hand and fly away from the Empire.

He never thought he’d be able to defect, to be fighting alongside the rebels that fought against the tyrannical Empire. He went on a completely separate path than where he imagined he’d go. Imagining that you’d change your mind, that you’d come back and stay for good seemed childish now. That jittery childish feeling that he thought he had set aside years ago when he realized that you weren’t going to come back to Jedha had returned when he saw you as the mercenary that would help him and his crew on their mission. It wasn’t as if you’d suddenly show up in front of him, hovering in the sky and readying to land…

The mechanic working on the ship next to him dropped her tools, letting it cling and clatter against the tarmac as she left her station towards the runway. The others seemed to follow suit, everyone dropping what they were doing to look up at the sky. Bodhi sat up slowly, looking around him before following their line of sight.

As soon as you were in range, you made contact with the Rebel communication tower and was fortunately allowed through. You knew that it was a little late in the night for any ship to be arriving, but you didn’t want to wait. Not anymore.

You landed at the nearest empty spot on the tarmac and powered the engines down. You were surprised to see so many people still awake, but you suppose that, from Desa’s reports, they had been restless for the past couple of weeks. Desa lowered the ramp and helped gather your things.

You stood at the top of the ramp, your back facing out, and exhaled slowly. Was Bodhi mad at you? What if he refused to see you because of your avoidant behavior? You wouldn’t blame him, but still.

“(Y/n),” Desa said softly. She laid a metal hand on your shoulder, prompting you to turn around.

There at the base of the ramp was Bodhi. Your Bodhi. You searched his face for any signs of anger or resentment or anything. His eyes were watery as he offered you a smile. He spread his arms wide and waited.

Your heart swelled as you took one step, two steps, three, until you were running down towards him into his open arms. He immediately embraced you, squeezing you tightly as if preventing you from slipping away from him again. You hugged him back, closing your eyes and soaking yourself in his presence.

“I’m sorry, Bodhi, I-” you whimpered.

“Sh, it’s okay,” he whispered, rubbing your back. It was only then you noticed that you were shaking, tears pouring out of your eyes before you could do anything about it.

“I was too scared and I… I just kept pushing you away because of it and-”

“You’re here now.”

“I’m never leaving your side again, I promise.”

“Well, good. I need my stargazing partner.”

This feeling in your chest, like a water dam threatening to burst, was something that you didn’t fully understand. It was the years of suppressing certain emotions, a defense mechanism to protect you from the dangers that the galaxy held. You knew that with each moment that you dropped your defenses, a crack forms on the emotional water dam. That visit to your parents’ farm made you realize that it was okay to just… let it fall and flow freely.

It was now you fully realized what Bodhi meant to you. He was an amalgamation of your lost childhood, a reminder of goodness remaining in this galaxy, a symbol of hope and wonder, and a love that was worth the risk of love itself, the good, the bad, and everything that it has to offer.

[wickednerdery]

Title: Out of Time Author: @wickednerdery Fandom: Marvel Pairing/character: Loki x Stark!OC Rating: FRC Summary: “I’m always VIP.” Notes: So I found this gif on Google - if it’s yours, I’m happy to credit - and it inspired this idea where Loki (after escaping with the Tesseract in Endgame, perhaps?) ends up in a strange cyberpunk/futuristic Earth. No idea if I’ll continue this or what, but it HAD to come out, lol!

Chapter 2

The Midgard he arrived at was not the one he left. It was older, wilder, both brighter and darker in turn. Loki shifted into Midgardian garb before approaching a main street, nothing looking familiar. The cars ran on their own, machines walked alongside mortals, and the sky above was the color of television, tuned to a dead channel.

“Hey, you lookin’ to jive?” A man asks from behind leopard-printed leather mask. 

Loki takes the other in fully. Boots, hooded jumpsuit to match the leopard-print mask, and wild burgundy mohawk. The lights at the knuckles of his gloves alternate between red and yellow as he closes fist, then glow pure yellow across the board as a small, square, tab appears from between two fingers.

“Three million credits.” Heterochromatic eyes smile. “Thirteen million for VIP.”

“I’m always VIP.” Loki waves his hand, the man switches a plain white plastic bit for a red one, stamped with golden mask. “Now, tell me more about this ‘jive’.”

“Ms Stark! Ms Stark!!” The crowds, press and plebeians both, call for her as she steps from black auto-motive. Some cheer in excitement, telling her they love her. Others scream in tirades, declare her a “Tuhao war bitch”. Interviewers ask about men, women, freedom versus security, and her thoughts on Stark technology used to hold down the lower class.

“Sorry, no questions this evening. Not for Ms Stark anyway.” The voice of her car is that of her ancestor. Red lines blaze from head and tail lights, demarcating a barrier and allowing her to carry on into the museum unaccosted. “But I’d be more than happy to answer some, maybe take any praise you have for her.”

Once away from the masses, Ana tugs at the collar of her cocktail dress. It unravels gold, falling to the floor as a gown for the evening. Simple trick really, more to do with sewing than technology, but it never fails to turn heads. “Tony...” she smiles. “Don’t get yourself a parking ticket talking to all your fans.”

“Of course not, when have I ever done that?” The auto replies in her ear. 

“Last week? That time in Tokyo...that other time in Mumbai.”

“Okay, okay, point made. I’m out.”

Ana chuckles as car tires screech away in the distance. She carries on, men stepping aside with bowing heads to let her in. Her name is a whisper of reverence on their lips. Upon entering the exhibit turned ballroom people catch sight of her and begin to applaud.

“Ladies and gentleman, CEO of Stark International, chairperson of the Avengers Youth of America, and head of Earth’s Legion of Scientific Security...Ms Ana Roget Stark!” In the official announcement by the museum’s spokesperson the applause rises in volume and gusto.

Loki looks up, drink in hand, with interest. Stark? His lips curl in amused interest. He scans the crowd, then moves his focus back to her. Like the Stark he knows, she’s wholly confident and reveling in the face of adulation. While more polite, her smile indicates she believes herself worthy of the love she receives.

Her eyes scan from the balcony, land on the mysterious man in black. When he lifts his glass in notable salute, her brow goes up a fraction. Then she turns to the museum head. “Yes, yes, thank you for that...way too impressive introduction. I really would have just settled for Nobel prize winning person of the century.” She laughs, all but Loki join in. “My great-grandfather, Anthony Stark, unknowingly started this museum when he passed, leaving behind his suits and prototypes in the workshop of Stark Tower. Some still unfinished, some ready for mass production to make the world safe in his absence. They were able to be preserved and, yes, even improved upon as this place was created around them. As much as the Starks may have given to this museum, it gave back to the world. It is a sprawling testament of technology and innovation, of how far we have come and how far we can go. I thank all of you, each and every one, for your commitment to science, to knowledge, and to this museum in particular. I encourage you to continue that commitment tonight at the auction and in going forward with your donations.” Her eyes return to the man whose eyes never left her. “Thank you for coming, I look forward to speaking with you all before the night is over.”

Loki does not approach the lithe beauty with his enemy’s name, but his eyes do not leave her either. She swans about the room with the same confidence as the Stark he knows, but her manner is more delicate. She uses more deference in approaching others, is more flattering toward them than herself. Her show is alluring, appealing, boarding on arrogant but never crossing the line. Yet, when she does finally approach him, her manner changes.

“So, how did you do it?” She’s direct, no longer glad-handing, but nevertheless rapt with anticipation as she sits beside him at a table. “Cyber worm? Reverse engineering? Or did you figure out the sequence and use the key-code?”

He opens his mouth, then closes it. He’s no clue what she’s talking about, can’t even think how to answer.

Ana’s face falls to disappointment bordering on annoyance. “You bought it pre-rigged. Figures. I send out a golden ticket and people can only think about the quick buck.” She sighs, starts to get up. “I hope this was worth whatever the invite cost you, because it’s all you get. I don’t have time for fans.”

“Wait.” His hand flies out, takes hold of wrist.

She twists free, grabs his wrist in retaliation, and hits him with 75,000 volts via taser ring worn on her middle finger. She keeps hold until he’s limp, then releases and lets him tip over the table like a drunk. “Security, toss the lump in black at table 17.” Frustrated at her failed test, done with the night, Ana heads out a discreet side door that leads to the rest of the museum.

Looking over the reconstruction of the late Tony Stark’s penthouse Ana sighs. This is still where she feels most at home. Here and her own workshop, but she’s no mind for innovation right now. “How did you do it? How did you keep going?” She asks her ancestor aloud. Failures didn’t bother her, they were always part of success. It’s lack of momentum that drives her to darkness, to the functional bar where she pours two fingers of old school whiskey.

“You are a Stark.” Loki, in more regal and battle-ready gear, stands before the screen display of old New York. “Though a far fairer one, to be sure.” He winks, laughs when glass drops, shattering at her feet.

“Who are you?” Hand goes to her ear first, patching her into Tony, then the ruby and gold bracelet. She rubs it, anxious. “Oscorp? Stane International? Yak?” Ana takes him in, his new suit and the wild glint in his eye. “Or are you one of the anarchists? AIM? One of those anti-techs groups?”

He laughs. “Oh no, I’m my own man, Ms Stark. I don’t follow, I am followed.”

“Well, you have my attention, Mr...Mystery Man. What do you want?”

Loki hadn’t thought that far ahead. He’s merely intrigued by her, by wherever, whenever, he’s arrived.

“Really? I give you the floor and you stand mute?” Ana smirks. “Fascinating...and pointless. Thanks for the disruption and broken glass.” She starts to make another drink.

“Not curious how I got here then?”

“Only when you plan on leaving.” New glass in hand she heads out of the exhibit. She sees a biohazard symbol swimming across a fully masked face, hears the huff of the silencer, and feels the world slip past her as she goes down.

In a flick of his wrist Loki blasts the man through the wall, rushes to Ana as her gold dress goes red, then black, with blood. He gets arms under before her head hits the floor. “You’re not allowed to die until I wish it.” He watches her eyes widen in surprise, as if she didn’t expect him to be real.

“H-How...noble...” She snarks through the blooming pain, her world going dark as the mystery man’s suit.

So...that’s everything I have that’s clear in my mind for this right now, haha! Like, I know that Ana lives and all, but I’m not sure after that. I’ve some options: Loki leaves her to recover and stalks her from afar, Loki brings her back to her home and keeps her semi-captive there, Loki leaves her, but she seeks him out in gratitude and interest. ...But, even then, unsure of the sweeping story - is there a set enemy to go against together? Do they become enemies themselves? Or is this more of a romance? Is there more time travel?? So many questions/ideas, not enough determined yet, lol!

I’ll take suggestions though, haha!! 😉

Side Notes: Tuhao is a Chinese term referring to people of wealth. By “jive” the guy means party, in general. The description of the sky is a pull from William Gibson’s Neuromancer (awesome book!). The groups Ana lists are all from Marvel, all enemies of Iron Man in one way or another. And, yes, her self-driving car has the voice and personality of Tony Stark - he is her main AI, just as JARVIS and FRIDAY were Tony’s.

Tagging: @lady-crowned-with-stars​, @beccaliciooouuusss, gravitational-anomaly, @fuckthatfeeling, @v-2bucky, @ultrarebelheart​, @tarithenurse​ @latent-thoughts​ @chibiyanai​ @lukeevansandjdmobession​ @sweetfictionalworld​ @ladyfluff​ ...And I legit don’t know who else to tag anymore lol

[celestialvoid-fanfiction]

Double Date

Stiles and Derek have a double date with Cora and Lydia, but a nice calm dinner turns into charades and shenanigans. 

For @kirjastorotta​

The Jeep rumbled to a halt in front of the Hale house.

Lydia looked out the window at the large house, letting out a measured breath as she tried to steady her racing heartbeat.

“You alright?” Stiles asked, craning his head slightly to look at her face in the dim dusk light.

“Yeah,” Lydia replied unconvincingly.

She turned to look at Stiles.

He met her gaze, raising an eyebrow.

“You know how when you’re alone with someone, you get to be yourself, and then when you’re with other people, it’s like every part of you shuts down?” Lydia asked.

“Yeah,” Stiles said. “I know exactly what you mean.”

“When I’m with Cora, I can be myself,” Lydia admitted. “But as soon as I’m around anyone else… I don’t want to screw this us.”

“Hey,” Stiles said softly. “You’re not going to screw anything up. It’s as awkward for the rest of us as it is for you. Why do you think we’re having dinner at they’re house and not at a restaurant?”

“I don’t know,” Lydia replied.

“Because Derek and I both get anxious in public spaces and being at home means we’re in a space where we can all be ourselves without having to worry about having others around us or what they might think.”

Stiles sat back in his seat.

“Learning who you are and how to be yourself around others takes time,” he said. “It took me a long time too.”

Lydia bowed her head.

“Don’t think of this as a double date,” Stiles said encouragingly. “Don’t think of it as dinner with your girlfriend’s brother. Think of it as you and your girlfriend having dinner with two of your friends.”

“I don’t think Derek likes me,” Lydia replied.

“Derek loves you,” Stiles told her. “He just puts on the protective big brother act every now and then.”

Stiles glanced up as the front door opened and Cora stepped out onto the porch, a knitted cardigan wrapped around her to fight off the cool autumn breeze.

“I think they’re waiting for us,” Stiles said, switching off the engine and stepping out of the Jeep.

Lydia let out another breath and reached for her door.

“Hey,” Cora called out across the front yard, smiling as she looked at Lydia.

Stiles stepped around the car, helping Lydia across the leaf-littered front yard and up the stairs to the porch.

Cora held open her cardigan, wrapping it around Lydia like a blanket as she pulled her close and kissed her.

“I take it Derek’s inside,” Stiles said, stepping around the two of them.

“He’s in the kitchen,” Cora told him.

“Don’t stay out here too long,” Stiles called over his shoulder as he made his way inside.

He stepped through the open doorway of the dining room and through to the kitchen where Derek stood over the stove, dressed in his favourite grey Henley, black jeans and a dusty-blue apron.

“You know, I’m kind of disappointed that apron doesn’t say ‘Kiss the Cook’,” Stiles teased.

“Kiss my ass,” Derek replied snarkily.

A mischievous grin lit up Stiles’ face as he jokingly replied, “Gladly.”

Derek chuckled, holding out a hand.

Stiles stepped over to his side, taking Derek’s hand and letting him pull Stiles in close. He brought their lips together in a tender kiss.

Derek settled one hand on Stiles’ slender waist, the other in the curve of his back, drawing him into the warmth of his embrace.

Stiles weakened in Derek’s arms, melting into the kiss as his hands slid up Derek’s chest and looped around his neck, pulling him closer as the tips of his fingers toyed in the soft, raven black locks of Derek’s hair.

Derek broke away from the kiss, resting his forehead against Stiles’ as he tried to catch his breath.

Stiles gently bit his lip, savouring the lingering taste of Derek on his lips.

“Oh shit,” Derek hissed, moving Stiles aside—instinctively putting the young man behind him—as he reached for the stove and turned off the flame before the pan boiled over.

“Sorry,” Stiles whispered. “I didn’t mean to be that distracting.”

“You’re always distracting,” Derek said—not harshly, or teasingly; affectionately.

Stiles smiled softly, reaching up to cup Derek’s face and press a kiss to his cheek.

Dinner went by faster than they realised. They spent the time chatting about anything and everything as they ate.

Stiles watched as Lydia opened up more, slowly growing comfortable.

“It’s game night, right?” Stiles asked as he and Derek cleared away the dishes. “So, what are we going to play, charades or Pictionary?”

“Charades,” Cora said without hesitation. “I want to see Derek make a fool of himself.”

Derek poked his tongue out at his sister.

Cora returned the gesture.

“Okay,” Stiles said, stepping between the two of them. “How are we going to do this; guys versus girls, home team versus away team, free for all?”

Cora looked at Lydia, a smirk playing at the corners of her mouth. She turned back to Stiles.

“The two of us against the two of you,” she challenged.

“You’re on,” Derek called from the kitchen.

“Come on,” Cora said, taking Lydia’s hand and leading her into the lounge room.

Cora and Stiles moved the coffee table out of the way, clearing the space for the four of them to play. Cora sat down on one of the couches, wrapping her arm around Lydia’s shoulders and holding her against her side. She dug her phone out of her pocket, quickly looking up prompts.

Stiles sat down on the other couch.

By the time Derek had finished in the kitchen, Cora had compiled her list and sent half the prompts to Derek.

“Ladies first,” Derek said as he sat down next to Stiles.

“Age before beauty,” Cora countered.

Derek let out a measured breath. “Fine.” He turned to Stiles. “Do you want to go first or guess first?”

“I’ll guess,” Stiles said, a mischievous smile on his face.

“Okay,” Derek said, rising to his feet.

“There’s a list of prompts on your phone,” Cora told him. “Five prompts per round and you have five minutes to get through as many of them as you can; if you get all five, then it’s our turn. I’ll keep count of your points.”

She set the timer on her phone for five minutes.

“You ready?”

“Ready,” Stiles and Derek replied in unison.

“Okay, go.”

“Movie,” Stiles said, following Derek’s gestures. “Four words—first word.”

Derek pointed behind himself.

“Back?” Stiles said hesitantly. “Back to the Future.”

“One point,” Cora counted.

“Another movie,” Stiles said. “Three words.”

Derek drew an S on his chest and then held his arms up above his head, miming flight.

“Superman,” Stiles surmised.

Derek gestured for more.

Stiles looked at him with a confused expression, trying to sort through the mess of thoughts in his head. His eyes flew open wide as realisation hit him.

“Man of Steel,” Stiles answered.

“Two points,” Cora counted. “Three minutes.”

Derek looked down at his phone for his next prompt. He stood tall and pretended to sing.

“Song?”

Derek shook his head.

“Musical?” Stiles guessed.

Derek nodded, holding up three fingers.

“Three words—third word.”

Derek mimed putting on a crown.

“Crown, royalty, king,” Stiles guessed.

Derek nodded again.

“King,” Stiles repeated back to himself. “Second word…”

Derek got down on his hands and knees, screwing up his face as he pretended to roar.

Lydia and Cora burst into laughter.

“Lion,” Stiles surmised, biting into his lower lip as he tried to hide his smirk. “The Lion King.”

“Three points,” Cora  said, her voice strained as she tried to fight her laughter.

Derek pushed himself back onto his feet, glaring at his sister. “I hate you.”

“Come on,” Stiles said encouragingly. “Next one.”

Derek let out a sigh, miming opening a book.

“Book,” Stiles said. “Four words—first word.”

Derek mimed tossing something in the air and catching it.

“Throwing, tossing,” Stiles guessed. “Grabbing, catching.”

Derek pointed at him.

“Catching,” Stiles repeated.

Derek held his finger up as if telling Stiles to wait. He crouched down on the ground, miming lowering something over his face, punching his fist into the palm of his hand before holding up his hands in front of him.

“Catcher,” Stiles answered. “Catcher in the Rye.”

“Three points,” Cora announced.

“Four points,” Cora said. “One minute.”

“Last one,” Stiles said encouragingly. “Movie. Two words.”

Derek pretended to hold something—a sword or a sabre of some kind, swinging it about in front of him. He held out a hand, emphasising all of his movements.

All three of them on the couch burst into laughter.

“Star Wars,” Stiles managed to get out among the fits of giggles.

“Five,” Cora rasped. “And with twenty seconds to spare.”

Derek glowered at her.

“You’re turn,” Derek said as he sat down next to Stiles, letting his boyfriend drape his legs over Derek’s lap.

“Oh, I think we’re good,” Cora teased.

Derek levelled her with a stern glare.

“Fine,” Cora said, gently untangling herself from Lydia. She looked down at the prompts on her phone.

“Five minutes,” Derek reminded her, setting a timer on his phone. “Starting, now.”

“Movie,” Lydia said. “One word.”

Cora pointed up at the ceiling.

Lydia frowned in confusion for a second, giggling as realisation hit her.

“Up,” she answered.

“One point,” Derek said.

“Okay, next one—movie,” Lydia said. “Two words—first word.”

Cora squared up, throwing punches in the air.

“Punching, training,” Lydia rambled. “Fighting.”

Cora pointed at her.

“Fighting,” Lydia repeated. “Fight Club.”

“Two points,” Derek announced.

“Okay, book,” Lydia said, following Cora’s gestures.

Cora held up her hand, pointing at her fingers.

“Ring,” Lydia guessed.

Cora nodded, pointing at all five fingers.

“Rings,” Lydia corrected herself. “Lord of the Rings.”

“Three points,” Derek said.

“Movie, one word,” Lydia said.

Cora held her hands above her head, running around in circles.

They all burst out in laughter as Cora tried to mime a shark.

“Jaws,” Lydia answered among fits of laughter.

“Four points. One minute,” Derek warned.

“Last one,” Lydia said, trying to pull herself back together. “Book.”

Cora laid down on the floor, lifting her legs and moving them as if they were bound together—like a tail. Then, with a dramatic flourish, she split her legs and stood up, pretending to stagger and waver about as she stood.

A bright smile lit Lydia’s face.

“The Little Mermaid,” she answered.

“Five points,” Derek said, the alarm chiming a second later.

“Wait,” Stiles said. “That’s a movie, not a book.”

“It was a book first,” Lydia told him.

Stiles’ brow furrowed in confusion. He looked at Derek for confirmation.

Derek nodded.

“Huh,” Stiles mused.

“We’re tied for points,” Derek told them.

“Oh, what a shame,” Stiles said dramatically, shuffling further down the couch and sprawling across Derek’s lap. “I seem incapable of getting up. I guess we’re just going to have to leave it as a tie.”

Derek bowed his head, biting into his lower lip as he tried to hide his amused smile.

Stiles looked across the room at Cora and Lydia, smiling as he winked mischievously. 

[inevitably-johnlocked]

Hey Steph! I absolutely love your page! Do you have any PTSD related fluff? like Johns having nightmares so Sherlock goes to comfort him and they both know but don’t mention it?

Anonymous said to inevitably-johnlocked: I was wondering if you knew of a johnlock fanfic which has john having PTSD or other war-related problems, and sherlock either helps him get through it or john comes to sherlock in the middle of the night like a child asking if he can sleep with (not that kind) sherlock so the nightmares will stop. If you do, great. If not, that’s fine too :)

Hi Nonnies!!

I don’t know if you’re the same Nonny or not, but since they’re both the same-ish, I’m putting them on the same ask, LOL!

So I HAVE done a list in the past for PTSD, and because I have a few new fics, I’m gonna make a part 2 list! Hopefully you’ll find something you’re looking for on one of the two lists I have!

NIGHTMARES, PTSD, PANIC ATTACKS, & MENTAL or EMOTIONAL TURMOIL (Pt. 2)

See also: Nightmares, PTSD, Panic Attack, & Mental / Emotional Turmoil

Better Late Than Never by sussexbound (NR (T), 3,021 w., 1 Ch. || Post-S4 / TFP Doesn’t Exist, Sherlock POV, Love Confessions, Drunk Sherlock / Sober John, John Takes Care of Sherlock, First Kiss, Jealous Sherlock, Emotional Turmoil) – He suddenly wants John Watson out of his bedroom, out of his flat, out of his life, because he has been lying to himself these last few months, he realises. He doesn’t want John here, not with the way things are. He doesn’t want 221b Baker Street to be nothing more than rest stop John returns to on his journeys between women. He doesn’t want to play co-parent if Rosie is going to be snatched away from him and placed in the arms of whatever nameless woman du jour John lands on next. He doesn’t want to keep being so careful, so generous, so, so…

Welcome Home, John by slashscribe (G, 5,504 w., 1 Ch. || Post-S3, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Awkwardness, Stabbed Sherlock, Protective Sherlock, Panic Attack (Sherlock), Self Esteem Issues, Love Confessions, First Kiss) – When John moves back to 221B, he thinks he’s the broken one, but after a while, it becomes clear that he might not be correct.

What Did I Do Wrong? by Starlight05 (T, 7,880 w., 5 Ch. || Hurt Comfort, Angst, John Whump, Hospitalization, Worried Sherlock, Emotional Turmoil, Nightmares, Sherlock Being Dumb) - After John almost dies on a case, Sherlock disappears. So John is left to figure out what he can do to get his best friend back. Meanwhile Sherlock, guilt-ridden and willingly alone, is doing everything he can to stay away.

London Gods by a_different_equation (E, 11,092 w., 5 Ch. || American Gods Fusion || Magical Realism, Sex Magic, True Love, PTSD John, First Kiss/Time, Marathon Sex, Sensuality, Genie Sherlock, Human John, Internalized Homophobia, Star-Crossed Lovers, Soul Mates) – Sherlock Holmes is a jinn who does not grant wishes. However, when Dr. John H. Watson, recently returned from the war in Afghanistan, gets into his cab by “accident”, it might not even need magic to grant both men their deepest wish: love.

The Palmyra Atoll by elwinglyre (E, 16,609 w., 3 Ch. || TSo3 Divergence / Episode Fix-It, Stockholm Syndrome, Kidnapped John Watson, John Whump, Evil Mary, Angst, Cuddling & Snuggling, Toplock, Limited 3rd John POV) – As John’s preparing for the wedding, Sherlock is preparing to have his heart broken, and Mary is prepared to do the unthinkable. Intervention required. Enter Sherlock. Set before Sign of Three with a far different outcome. John is drugged, kidnapped, and left on an island, but not just any old island.

Silhouettes by allonsys_girl (E, 28,585 w., 7 Ch. || Canon Compliant, POV John, Heavy Drinking, Sad/Depressed John, Grief/Mourning, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Reunion, Foot Jobs, Blow Jobs, Infidelity, Cheating, Drug Use/Abuse, Anal, Switchlock, Rimming, Parentlock) – Sherlock and John find comfort in each other’s arms, but as ever with these two, it’s not your typical relationship. It’s fluffy at the beginning, gets deeply angsty in the middle, gets porny at the end.

To Mend Icarus by AlessNox (T, 29,186 w., 14 Ch. || Post-TRF, Friendship, Drama, BAMF!John, Emotional Turmoil, Introspection, Harry is in this Fic, Angry John, Happy Ending, Queerplatonic Relationship) – After a case lands John Watson in court, he tells Sherlock that he is leaving. Not understanding why, Sherlock decides that the only way to learn the truth is to investigate his flatmate, Dr. John Watson. A revision of the story Mending Icarus.

Only To Be With You by SinceWhenDoYouCallMe_John (M, 40,768 w., 4 Ch. || Black Mirror / Future AU || Character Death, Future Technology, Sickness/Cancer/Illness, Heavy Angst with Happy Ending, First Person POV John, Pining John, Heart-Wrenching Angst) – I tell myself that next time I’ll come near this same place again. Wait around for the mysterious stranger in his coat to dash past me, hot on the heels of a new criminal in black. I think this all the way back to my Exit, planning where I’ll wait and what I’ll say when I see him. Scheming on how to get his name. It’s only once I reach the Exit Point door that I realize two hours and forty-five minutes have passed, and I realize that this won’t be the last time I Visit. It won’t be the last time at all.

A Hundred Crimson Sols by elldotsee (E, 55,536 w., 16 Ch. || Astronauts AU || Mars Exploration / Space Travel, Slow Burn, Shy Sherlock, Scientist Sherlock / Biomed Engineer John, Alternating POV, Mutual Pining, UST, Angst with Happy Ending, Domestic Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Injuries, Suicidal Ideation, Zero-G Sex) – Will Holmes is a chemical researcher recognized widely for his contributions to the new Mars exploration program. Thanks to his ground-breaking developments, the IMMC (International Mars Mission Corporation) is one step closer to Martian colonization. Will and his team of scientists are headed out on the first of three manned missions before the first group of settlers arrive. Three days before launch, one of the crew has to be replaced. Will panics because…new people. The replacement is of course one John Watson, biomedical engineer and space hottie who was pretty sure he had retired from actual space exploration and was now content to work in the nice, quiet research lab. Can the crew survive this TOTALLY ROUTINE trip? Will they be able to endure each other for the looooooong trip in close quarters? Gonna be a wild ride… prepare for blast off. Part 1 of the SpaceBois go to Space series

The Thing Is by TSylvestris (E, 56,743 w., 21 Ch. || Case Fic, Dev. Rel., Anal/Oral, Blow Jobs, Meddling Mycroft, Drama, Romance, Humour, Casual Encounters, Pining Idiots, Possessive Sherlock, Orgasm Delay, Rough / Alley Sex, Public Sex, John Whump, Drugged John, Emotional Love Making, Awkward Relationship, Marriage of Convenience, Switchlock, BAMF John) – The problem with living with Sherlock, John thought, was that you never, never, ever knew the significance of anything. Like your flatmate’s nose buried in your hair. Whilst you’re in bed. Part 1 of Nitroglycerine

The Burning by SrebrnaFH (M, 60,658 w., 24 Ch. || Reverse Reichenbach, Suicide, Depression, Hurt Sherlock / John, Separation, BAMF John, Good Big Brother Mycroft, Angst, Implied/Referenced Torture, Fake Character Death, Rescue Mission, Reconciliation / Reunion, Hospitalization, Marriage Proposal, Illnesses, Physical Therapy, Happily Ever After) – Something went very, very wrong. John had seemed, if not happy, then reasonably content with his life. Sherlock had never predicted something like THIS might have happened. Not in his worst nightmares. He was the lousiest friend ever, apparently. At least Mycroft found him something to occupy his mind with, so that he didn’t have to go back to 221B and stare at the walls and the chair, where John Watson would never sit again.

Being John Watson-ish by elwinglyre (E, 69,902 w., 17 Ch. || Bodysnatcher AU || Author John, Cranky Sherlock, Angst, Sexual Tension, First Kiss / Time, Falling in Love, BAMF John, Past Soldier John, Feelings, Inside Someone’s Brain, Shy Sherlock, Sherlock Loves John, POV Sherlock, Switchlock, Slow Burn, Internal Dialogue, Mental Turmoil) – When consulting detective Sherlock Holmes steps on one toe too many at a crime scene, he’s consigned to a desk job in an archaic office on the seventh-and-a-half floor of the New Scotland Yard. It’s in this bleak office that Sherlock discovers a portal into the mind of renowned author John Watson. Grander than his mind palace, this new wonderland affords Sherlock new vistas of experimentation. To learn more about the mystery behind the portal, Sherlock seeks out and befriends Watson. But then it all goes wrong when others find the secret portal door—including the man whose brain he visits.

The Vapor Variant by 88thParallel (CanadaHolm) (M, 72,684 w., 18 Ch. || Post-THoB, John Whump, Protective Sherlock, Guilty Sherlock, Anxious/Worried Sherlock, Virgin Sherlock, Angst with Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, PTSD John, Slow Burn, Mutual Pining, Suspense, Virus, Sickfic, Big Brother Mycroft) – They stood face to face in the middle of a clearing. The dim light of the moon barely allowed Sherlock to see the glassy terror in John’s eyes and the sweat that glistened off his forehead. His nose was bleeding again, blood dripping in a slow stream from his right nostril. They were both gasping for air, John’s eyes locked on Sherlock’s. There was no recognition there, just wild animal fear. Time stood still for an eternal few seconds, and Sherlock took a shaky breath. “John—”Spell broken, John spun and bolted back into the woods. Still heaving for air, Sherlock took off after him.

The Cost of a Wish by slashscribe (E, 102,493 w., 12 Ch. || xxxHolic Fusion || Spirits / Ghosts and Magic, Love Confessions, Slow Burn, Soul Mates / Fated Lovers, Adventure, Immortal Sherlock, Powerful John, POV John, Frottage, Wish Granting, Angst with Happy Ending, Nightmares) – John has been plagued by a secret his entire life that has made him feel hopeless until he meets a mysterious, seemingly omniscient man named Sherlock Holmes who owns a wish-granting shop. Their meeting sets off a series of inevitable events that will change the course of both of their lives forever.

Two Two One Bravo Baker by abundantlyqueer (E, 114,574 w., 27 Ch. || Military AU || Afghanistan, War Story, Thriller) – Captain John Watson of 40 Commando, the Royal Marines, is assigned to protect and assist Sherlock Holmes as he investigates what appears to be a simple war atrocity in Afghanistan. An intense attraction ignites between the two men as they uncover a conspiracy that threatens everything they’ve ever known, but Sherlock is as much hunted as hunter, and everyone close to him is in deadly danger. Can he solve the case in time to save himself and John? Part 1 of Two Two One Bravo Baker Universe

The Adventure of the Silver Scars by tangledblue (NR [M], 142,458 w., 41 Ch. || S3 Fix-It, Post-HLV/ Post-TAB / Canon Compliant, Case Fic, No Baby, Angst, Humour, UST, Slow Burn, Angry John, Reconciliation, Not Nice Mary / Leaving Mary, Dependent Sherlock, Pining Sherlock, Caretaker John, Fist Fights, It’s An Experiment, Virgin Sherlock, Dancing, Drugging, John Whump, Pet Names, Sherlock’s Mind Palace, Scars) – It’s been thirteen months since Mary shot Sherlock and John finds he’s still pissed off about it. Sherlock had thought everything was settled: John and Mary, domestic bliss. But when John turns up at Baker Street with suitcases, the world’s only consulting detective might not be prepared for the consequences. A new case. Some old scores to settle. Certain danger. Concertos, waltzes, and whisky.

[fate-everlasting]

Matters of the Heart

This is a three-part alternate-ending fanfiction that revolves around the characters of Adele Carrem, Matteo Vasari, and Charlie Stoke, of Fogbank Entertainment’s Storyscape Titanic novella. 

Author’s Note: This story begins in the boiler room, drawing from the diamond scene between Adele and Charlie. Thereafter, the storyline diverges.

Part 2 | Part 3

Part 1: The Ill-Fated Night

My heart is pounding in my ears as sweat drips from my brow, the heat and steam combining with the soot from the boilers to permeate my every pore. My back aches, every muscle in my body protesting as I keep feeding the fires. I glance over at Charlie beside me, meeting his gaze as we weave between one another, his brown eyes twinkling despite the reality of what’s about to happen to us, to the rest of the Black Gang, and to everyone that won’t be fortunate to escape on one of the few lifeboats. My breath is becoming ragged and I know time is running out, the water in the boiler room inching higher with each passing minute. I finally stop, glancing down at my soft leather gloves, once white, now stained with soot nearly to my elbows. Charlie leans on his shovel beside me, his own breathing labored, his face and hair covered with sweat and grime. Despite the noise of men shouting, the clanging and scraping of shovels, and the unnerving sound of rushing water, it feels like we’re the only two in the world.

“Adal,” he begins. “It’s time for you to go.” He smiles softly, though it barely reaches his eyes. His beautiful brown eyes, normally warm and full of life, are now tired and conflicted, no doubt a mirror of my own.

My mind turns to Matteo, waiting for me in the engine room so we can make our harrowing trek through the ventilation shaft. Matteo, I sigh to myself. Despite everything we’ve been through, and everything that happened between he and Charlie, he understood and respected why I needed to stay behind to say goodbye. My heart is still torn between the two, Matteo’s jade and gold brooch shining on my chest a reminder of that fact. But now, I’m even more torn. Part of me wants to go, another part can’t bear to leave Charlie. Not now. Not like this. Against my own better judgment, my heart begins to speak, rather than my brain. “I don’t have to go.”

Charlie shakes his head sadly, “Yes, you do. This isn’t your time. Matteo is waiting for you.” I know he’s right. I avert my eyes briefly, and glance back up as he continues, “Find a way to survive, Adal. Live your life. Do great and amazing things. Make the world a better place.” He picks up his jacket, draping it over my shoulders, his hands brushing over my bare skin as he leans in to give me one final kiss. When his lips touch mine, I return the kiss with as much passion as I can muster. I couldn’t tell if the kiss lasted seconds, or minutes, as everything had started to run together. When we slowly part, Charlie smiles gently, “And, from time to time, spare an occasional thought for a poor English boy who loved ships. Do that, and I’ll be happy.”

My heart and stomach are in knots, unable to put the emotions I feel into words as I lock eyes with him for what is likely the last time. I wrap my arms around him and lean in, pressing my lips to his. I taste the soot and sweat on his lips, and attempt to convey everything I feel, everything I hope, and everything I wish I could say into that one kiss. It’s anxious and hurried and passionate, as if we’re both fitting a lifetime of need into a moment. We slowly break the kiss, my eyes fluttering open when Charlie gently brushes his hand over my cheek. He looks into my eyes for a long moment before wordlessly turning to rejoin the rest of the trimmers and firemen, while I turn toward the engine room where Matteo waits.

My heart and my brain are at war. I know I daren’t look back, my brain screaming at me to go, while my heart aches, tugging me in the opposite direction, back to Charlie. I take a few more steps, and despite my brain’s protests, I slow to a stop, looking behind me into the boiler room where Charlie, John, and the rest of the Black Gang toil in the rising water, the steam, and the soot, to afford the rest of us a better chance for survival. I watch Charlie for a moment, his form barely identifiable through the thick steam, and it’s then that I know. I don’t simply want to survive; I want to live. And, though I haven’t even known Charlie for a week, I can’t imagine a life without him, not now; Not after seeing a glimmer of what life could be with him.

Unable to turn away from the boiler room, I feel tears beginning to sting my eyes, and as if of their own accord, my feet start moving me back into the chaos. None of the men stoking the boilers seem to notice my presence, all focused on the immediacy of the task at hand. I return to Charlie’s side, replacing his jacket over the railing, and pick up my shovel. As he turns to heft another shovelful of coal, his eyes widen in disbelief, “Adal! You can’t be here! You need to go!”

I shake my head, defiant, tears welling up and threatening to roll down my cheeks. I yell loudly, ensuring he can hear me over the din, the same tone I used in first class to rally the passengers on the Grand Staircase, “I can’t go Charlie! I won’t go…And I’ve made up my mind.”

“But you have to go! You aren’t meant to be here, and you aren’t meant to stay down here. This isn’t how it ends for you, not here, not like this!” Charlie gestures with his arms as he speaks, incredulous, upset, though the emotion I see in his eyes betrays his feelings.

“Now Mister Stoke, you know that I’m a woman of conviction, and I’ll fight for what I believe in,” I pause, offering him the best smile I can. “I believe in you. I’ll fight for you, and I won’t leave you.”

Charlie’s expression softens then, realizing that I’ve made my choice, and nothing he says will make me change my mind. He shakes his head slowly, “There really is no arguing with you, is there, Miss Carrem?”

I shake my head solemnly, blinking away my tears, and in effort to suppress how I feel, I dig my shovel into the coal. “Now, let’s get back to work, these boilers aren’t going to stoke themselves, are they?” I offer him a smile, and am relieved to see a smile, albeit a sad one, spread across Charlie’s face.

He shakes his head, digging his own shovel in next to mine, “No, I suppose they aren’t.” He pauses once more, locking his eyes with mine, “You’re an incredible woman, Adal.”

I smile at his words, and quickly, we begin weaving between one another again, developing a rhythm as we work together with the rest of the men to keep the boilers going, the pumps working, the lights lit, and the wireless functioning for as long as possible. My brain continues to scream at me, worried about my survival, my heart torn, even still, between Charlie and Matteo. Despite it all, deep down, I feel that in this moment I’m exactly where I need to be. Exactly where I’m meant to be.

In the minutes that pass, we don’t even notice the frigid water nearing our knees. I briefly slow, standing up and stretching my back as I wipe the sweat from my brow with my gloved forearm. I feel a presence behind me, and when I turn, my heart leaps into my throat when see Matteo. His jacket and waistcoat have already joined Charlie’s over the railing, his tie is loosened, and a sheen of sweat is already visible on his brown skin. It takes me a moment to find my voice. “Matteo?!” I shout over the clamor, over the sound of rushing water that only seems to have gotten louder.

“Well, I couldn’t let you and Charlie have all the fun, now could I?” Matteo smirks, his eyebrow raised.

“Matteo, what are you doing here?” Charlie’s chest is rising and falling with each deep breath, the look on his face a mix of disbelief, curiosity, and suspicion. He shakes his head, gesturing toward the engine room, exasperated. “I showed you the way out, don’t you understand? It’s your only chance, and there’s no more time. Boiler room 5 has flooded, and there’s no other way back to the upper decks, much less the lifeboats!”

Matteo shrugs dismissively, “I’ve never been much for heights. Now, high society, perhaps…” He pauses briefly, glancing around the boiler room before returning his attention to Charlie, “But climbing out of a funnel sounds…unpleasant. It’s also a bit warmer in here than out there, isn’t it?” I catch myself smiling slightly at his dry, sarcastic wit, though it does little to mask the underlying nervousness clouding his features.

Neither man speaks for a long moment, and I feel the tension between them start to build. Just as I’m about to say something, Charlie finally sighs, shaking his head. “You’re both…” He pauses, and half-smiles as he wipes the sweat from his forehead, “Thank you.”

Matteo nods respectfully as Charlie quickly returns to work, and when we both lean down with our shovels, he speaks softly, “I had to come back for you. I waited…”

I look into his hazel eyes when he trails off, seeing a vulnerability there that prior, I’d only seen in fleeting glimpses. “Matteo, you should’ve gone ahead…”

He shakes his head as a lopsided grin tugs at one corner of his mouth, “Gone ahead and what? Shivered in the cold, sharing an intimate lifeboat with James, with only one another to keep warm? Pardon my saying, but that sounds utterly dreadful.” He smiles sincerely then, “I’d rather stay with you, Adele. No matter the circumstance.”

I feel the color rise into my cheeks and I’m unable to hide my smile, though the sound of rushing water seems to grow louder, reminding us both the reality of what we’re about to face. I quickly press a kiss to Matteo’s cheek, lingering there for several seconds before I return to shoveling. The three of us quickly find our pace, working in unison to give everyone else still on the ship their best chance for survival.

Minutes pass, but they feel like hours. My body aches, my breath coming in ragged gasps as I struggle to keep pace with Charlie and Matteo. The noise in the boiler room has reached a crescendo, a cacophony of laboring, shouting men, clanging and scraping shovels, roaring furnaces, and rushing water now pouring in through the orlop deck above. I glance at Charlie and Matteo at my side, both men soaked with sweat, covered in grime and soot. Matteo’s normally perfectly coiffed hair is now hanging wetly over his forehead into his eyes, his tie long gone, and his shirt filthy and soaked through; A disheveled state I’d never seen him in before. Charlie keeps up his stiff pace, stoking the boiler as only a professional could, stone-faced, with unwavering commitment to his friends, his passengers, and their safety above all else, even above himself. I steel myself, pushing harder to keep shoveling, willing my mind to go anywhere but here, anywhere but the chaotic boiler room on a doomed ship.

Hileni.

No matter where I will my thoughts, they return to her. My baby sister. She’s grown up so much on this voyage, but still I wonder if it’s the events of the past few days that have changed her, or if it’s a change that’s been happening over time that has simply gone unnoticed. Unnoticed, perhaps due to our daily familiarity, or due to our long hours at the factory and my activism that kept me in prison, seemingly more often than not over the past several months. I feel a prickle of shame that I hadn’t been there for her, that I’d somehow let her down after mother and father died. She always understood, or seemed to. She understood that I was fighting not only for myself, but for her, and all other women to have the same rights as men, fighting for a better life for everyone.

I think of her face, the feel of her small form in my arms when I hugged her the last time before leaving her behind with the Rouhanas. She believed so strongly that God would have a plan for them, and for Matteo, Charlie, myself, and everyone else on this ship. And, any questions about these plans were best answered in quiet prayer. It all seemed so silly at the time, but who am I to question what she believes? I can’t help but wonder how things would be different had she come with us. Would I have chosen to stay with Charlie if it was Hileni and Matteo waiting, rather than just Matteo? Would Hileni have wanted to stay? Would we have even been able to make it up the ventilation shaft, and if so, are Zetta and Sabine still on board, saving us spots on a boat? Would it all be for naught, our best efforts wasted, despite doing everything we were supposed to do? Should I have forced Hileni to come with us? Did I make a mistake leaving her behind, dooming her to a terrible fate? I promised I would keep her safe; had I failed her?

My mind is swirling with questions, and I don’t even realize I’ve stopped shoveling until I feel Matteo’s gentle hand at my lower back, seemingly jolting me back to reality. My eyes focus, Matteo and Charlie both at my side, their faces awash with concern, and only then do I realize I’ve been weeping. “Oh, Adele,” Matteo says softly, moving his hand in slow circles over my back in effort to comfort me.

I attempt to calm my nerves and clear my throat, ready to start shoveling again, when Charlie gently places his hands over mine on the shovel. “Adal,” he pauses, looking at me with a sadness in his eyes, “It’s done.”

“Done?” I look between he and Matteo, incredulous, not understanding what he means, nor how we could possibly be ‘done’. “We need to keep going, we need to make sure Hileni and Zetta can make it off the ship, it’s not done yet! There’s still time!” As I move to shovel more coal, I realize then that the water has risen above our knees, now dangerously close to flowing into the boilers themselves, the deck beneath our feet noticeably slanted as Titanic lists to port. I stop, the shovel slipping from my hands and landing in the water with a splash, Charlie’s hands gently leaving mine. I watch the shovel sink, taking notice of my gloves and my blue bejeweled Maison Lucile gown, soaked with a mixture of sweat and water, stained with soot, realizing then that none of it mattered. Not the finery, not the pomp, it didn’t matter what ticket we held, what we wore, or what dining room we were served in. Fate doesn’t discriminate. Scanning the boiler room, I see the other trimmers and firemen slowing their efforts as they come to the same realization Charlie had only moments before. My gaze returns to the water where my shovel now rests, my mind struggling with the absolution of what was about to come.

“Stoke!” A shout rings out behind us, and we turn to see Charlie’s friend John wading through the water. “The water’s rising too fast!” His expression changes then, almost to a look of horror, when he sees myself and Matteo. “No, no, no! You aren’t supposed to be down here!”

Charlie chuckles sadly, shaking his head, “That’s what I tried to tell them, and you see how well that worked.” He pauses, nodding to Matteo before looking back to his friend, “They helped us, John. Some of the other firemen evacuated to the boats, but they stayed. They made a difference.”

John nods appreciatively, but then looks back over his shoulder, our gaze following his to one of the watertight doors, where water is starting to leak in around all sides, the sound of metal grating and groaning beginning to sound more like the death throes of an otherworldly beast than anything a ship could produce. He turns back to us and nods again, “I won’t say it was a wise decision, but thank you, both.”

Matteo and I can only nod, when Charlie begins to speak. “Well, this is it, John,” he pauses then, glancing around the boiler room. “It’s been an honor. Fair winds and following seas, my friend.” John bows his head momentarily, before wading off toward another stoker who’d called for help across the boiler room, leaving the three of us where we stood, the water now rising faster than before, and the slant of the deck becoming harder to withstand.

We stand in silence taking in the scene around us, overwhelmed by the enormity of what’s happening. I adjust my footing, and suddenly slip on the slanted deck, falling to my knees in the water. The frigid water shocks my body, as I only now feel how cold the water truly is, having stopped shoveling coal and feeding the boiler. “Adal!” I hear Charlie’s shout over the noise, he and Matteo both reaching down to grab my hands and help me up.

I sputter to my feet, shivering, as Charlie hurriedly grabs Matteo’s jacket from the railing, wrapping it around my shoulders. I curl into the jacket with a quiet “thank you”, but nearly lose my footing again, feeling as though the ship is moving beneath us. I know Matteo and Charlie can feel it too, their eyes widening as we all reach out and grab onto the railing to steady ourselves.

Matteo still has a firm hold of my hand, his other gripping the railing tightly, leaning into it to keep from slipping himself. He chuckles dryly, his tone conveying considerable animus, “So much for 'unsinkable’.” He shakes his head then, looking back over his shoulder at the enormous steel door, leaking around all sides, “And, 'watertight’”.

Charlie frowns, his eyes flashing, “You have no idea, do you?” he shakes his head curtly. “This ship is engineered beyond any that has ever existed, any other ship in this position would have already gone under. Even the greatest engineers are unable to plan for every possible eventuality.” His tone is sharp and defensive, “And that includes gigantic icebergs that come out of nowhere in the middle of the North Atlantic.” He holds into the railing with one hand, his other arm wrapped around my shoulders, where I shiver still.

I grimace at Charlie’s tone, and looking between the two men, I note the change in Matteo’s expression, knowing full well he’s preparing a repartee. I feel anger welling up from the pit of my stomach, and with my teeth chattering, I snap, “Is this necessary?! Bickering now won’t change anything. The time to change anything was before we left port. All we can do now is pray that Hileni, Lena, Zetta, and Sabine made it safely to the lifeboats. Pray that all our work, everything we’ve done, somehow made a difference… No matter how small. So please, both of you, just stop.” I sigh heavily and adjust my grip on the railing, leaning into Matteo’s comfortable form as Charlie’s arm reflexively tightens further around my shoulders, my eyes still flashing between both of them.

Matteo and Charlie sheepishly exchange sidelong glances, a current of understanding passing between the two men. After a long moment, Matteo finally breaks the silence, “…And James. Hileni, Lena, Zetta, Sabine, and James.”

I gaze downward at the mention of James, but nod. “Yes, and James. This is going to change everyone, whether we live or die. Nobody on this ship will be the same after tonight, including him.”

Charlie nods in agreement after a moment, though his tone reflects his lingering animosity, “Hopefully for his sake, and that of his aunt, it’s a change for the better.”

Just then, the deafening sound of grinding metal, splintering wood, and what sounds like explosions begin to ring out all around us, seemingly from all directions. My heart leaps into my throat as we huddle together, bracing ourselves for what’s to come. My body overcome by fear, I scream. “What’s happening?!”

“I don’t know, but hold on!” Charlie yells, though he can barely be heard over the ear-splitting noise.

Matteo’s eyes dart around the room, trying to discern where the loudest of the sounds are coming from. He ducks in closer to Charlie and me, shouting to be heard, “No matter what happens, we hold on, we stay together!”

The noise becomes deafening, and suddenly, water rushes in from all sides, snuffing out the fires in the boilers, the room plunging into chaotic darkness save for periodic flashes from exposed electrical wires. The water comes up so rapidly that within seconds, we’re clinging to one another along the gangway above the boilers, the icy water stinging my body with the pain of a thousand knives. I feel Matteo tighten his hand around mine, Charlie now holding tightly to my opposite arm as I grip the railing along the gangway, the three of us trying to keep our heads above water as the tumultuous ocean seems to be rising up to swallow us - and the Titanic - whole. Terror grips my heart, and briefly, I wonder if I’d made the wrong choice to stay behind. As quickly as the thought entered my mind, it was gone, and in the split-second brightness of an electrical flash, I see Charlie’s and Matteo’s expressions, conflicted and terror-filled, no doubt a mirror of my own. The water is rising faster, and I kick my legs, straining to keep my head above water, gasping with a scream, “Charlie! Teo!”

“Hold on Adal, we have you!” Charlie shouts, attempting to reassure me as he grips my arm tighter.

“We won’t let you go!” Matteo yells as he adjusts his hold on the gangway with one arm, attempting to lift himself higher out of the water, his other hand still squeezing mine tightly in attempt to pull me up with him. The water continuing to rise, Matteo coughs as the water splashes into his face. Between gasping breaths, he shouts, “If this is how it ends, I’m glad I’m with you, Adele… And you too, Charlie. You’re a good man.”

Just as Charlie is about to respond, I feel my grip on the gangway starting to slip as a vacuum pulls me downward into the swirling water. I hurriedly look around, and to my horror, I see some of the other men disappearing under the tumultuous surface; anyone who didn’t have a tight hold on a railing, pipe, or part of the gangway was being pulled down. I attempt to adjust my grip on the gangway but instead, lose it entirely, my arm twisting from Charlie’s grasp. I scream and grab for him, thankfully catching his hand, Matteo still holding tightly to my other, both men struggling against their own exhaustion and the frigid, rising water to pull me up against the current. I try screaming for help, but am cut short when water floods my mouth, momentarily taking my breath away.

I cough, sputtering, and attempt to take a deep breath, catching a glimpse of the chaotic scene in the boiler room. Men yelling as the water continues to rise, its surface undulating and angry, a far cry from the tranquil, mirrored surface I admired only hours before. The air is thick with steam and smoke from the snuffed furnaces, the darkness only briefly interrupted by electrical flashes, the entire scene worse than any nightmare I could ever imagine. Still struggling, I squeeze Matteo and Charlie’s hands tightly, kicking my legs, attempting to pull myself higher out of the water. Despite my efforts, I’m unable to keep my head above the surface, and straining, I look up, seeing Charlie and Matteo shouting as they look in after me, though I’m unable to hear them. My grasp on Matteo’s hand starts to falter, and as my hand falls from his, his eyes widen with terror and he frantically reaches down after me, another electrical flash briefly glinting off of his grandfather’s wristwatch, now submerged beneath the ocean’s surface. I struggle to pull myself up using Charlie’s arm, and stretch for Matteo, though his outstretched hand remains just beyond my reach. The current, then proving too strong for Charlie alone, pulls my hand from his. Another wave of terror washes over me when I lose touch with Charlie, and as I feel myself being dragged down, I scream. The merciless ocean mutes my screams, nobody can hear me, the only evidence the flurry of bubbles rising through the water toward the surface. I see Charlie and Matteo let go of the gangway and dive in after me, and kicking my legs, my arms outstretched, I desperately reach for them. For a moment, their faces are briefly illuminated by another electrical flash, and I see on them expressions of horror I’ve never seen before, and I know I’ll never see again. No matter what I do, and no matter how they try, the ocean ensures they remain just out of reach.

Suddenly, my mind is racing. First, I’m a young girl, journeying with my parents from our small village in Mount Lebanon to London, in search of a better life. Then, I’m older, Hileni a very small child, and we’re gathered around the small wood stove in our apartment, listening to our parents tell stories of their lives when they were our ages. I then see our mother’s funeral, followed by our father’s, and the many long nights that Hileni and I worked side by side at our factory jobs. My mind jumps to my jujitsu class, and the countless protests I attended, in effort to give a voice to those who didn’t have one of their own. A flash to my stints in prison, where I always managed to survive, and then back at home, where Hileni was always waiting and supportive, despite her being left alone more than she should have been. Finally, I see James Eisler, in the cell next to mine, and Matteo, in the prison courtyard, offering me a literal ticket to my freedom. Then, in a flash, Hileni and I are on the dock in Southampton, along with a thousand other souls, boarding the grandest, safest ocean liner the world has ever known. Everything passes more quickly now. My mind replays the day I first met Charlie when I was trying to find Hileni in steerage, followed by my picnic with Charlie, Hileni, and the Rouhanas on Bruce Ismay’s private promenade. Then, flashes of my growing friendships with Zetta, Sabine, and Lena, the quiet kisses and unspoken understanding shared with Charlie, our dance in steerage, and cognac in the cargo hold. I then see my midnight swim and the raw, passionate encounters with Matteo, followed by Zetta’s grand “twentieth” birthday party; all the while I foolishly thought that James’ threats coming to fruition were the worst that could happen to me. Finally, I see Hileni’s face as I left her behind with the Rouhanas, looking much older and wiser than her 15 years, steadfast in her beliefs. Suddenly, I’m brought back to the present. I feel myself sinking further into the water, my head throbbing, my chest painfully tight. I again try to swim toward the surface, but my efforts prove futile, my limbs weighted down by their own mass. I strain my eyes, trying in vain to find Charlie and Matteo above me, but all I can see is darkness. After a moment, I realize the cold no longer feels so cold. And, utterly exhausted, my resolve fading, my eyes fall closed as I surrender to my fate, a flash of Matteo’s face, and then Charlie’s, the last things in my mind before everything else fades away.

[miazeklos]

HEY. HEY PUT THOSE TAGS INTO A FULL STORY PLS. Comfort. Healing. D-0 (I LOVE THAT LITTLE GUY!!!) don't just hide this potential in tags! :O

Anything for you, dear. ;D Based on this post. This is also on AO3 because it’s Christmas Eve and therefore traditional.   Also I gotta warn you, this was written... entirely on public transport, so sorry in advance for any mistakes. 

.

They wait out the rest of the war onTatooine.

Ben had been the one to bring it up,resolute to go alone, and Rey had followed without a second thought. They lieas low as they can at first, eager to avoid the wrath of anyone who couldfollow them here, but they plant themselves into the locals's lives soon enough,taking on the role of mechanics for anyone who could need their services inexchange for anything to help them earn a living. Even though it's onlytemporary, things are still light years better than they had been on Jakku. Shehas a home here, not a makeshift shelter, and better yet, she might have afamily. It's only when they both find the rhythm of their new life that sherealises how easy it actually is.

“D-0, what happened to my memory circuit?”

“I-in here.”

“Are you still hoarding my droids?” Rey looks up from the engine she's beenslaving over for a week now just in time to catch the deadpan look he sends herway. The contrast between their working stations never fails to make her smile,even if the reasons behind it are less than pleasant - hers is clean enough,after years of doing this on her own, and the chaos that reigns over Ben's,with his two helpers and the array of needed parts that he has floating inorbit around him, is such an obvious compensation for an absence that it makesher heart ache. When he’s like this – entirely consumed by whatever is takinghis attention, face scrunched up in concentration with a lightness to his bodythat hadn’t seemed possible before – she thinks she might never want to lookaway.

“This is an assistance droid. It's what he does. I had a similar one as a child.”He stretches his hand out impatiently, only to realise that the miniaturecompartment needs to be manually opened. “Give it here.”

“N-no thank you.” D-0 rolls away before Bencan have another chance to approach and he retracts his arm as if he'd beenburnt, the pile of metal suspended in the air coming to a precarious stop as hefrowns.

“He does that with everyone.” Hisexpression eases, but there's still something there, bigger than astrangely misbehaving droid, as if he had understood but rather wished hehadn't. It’s something Rey has seen before, but he carefully tucks the emotionaway before she can so much as nudge it awake. “I'm not sure what happened tohim, but it takes him a while to approach a human. Or anything bigger than BB-8.”

“It’s all right. See?” He taps the droid inquestion until he gets an acknowledgment as D-0 whirls away pensively at a safedistance. “It’s not always bad.”

“O-often.”

Ben freezes for a moment before, with aquick glance at Rey and the work she’d forgotten about, hunching back over hisown project. “Someone needs to fix that defect of his. Droids don’t stutter.”

It would be an easy enough thing to dealwith and they both know it, but Rey bites the comment back along with a widearray of things he might not be quite ready to hear her say. “He’s fine as heis.”

A week later, as they flee through themarket on the run from the scene that they’d left behind – a spy that they’dhad to dispose of once he’d attacked them, again,though whether it’s from the former First Order or the new New Republic thistime, Rey isn’t sure any longer – the droid is the first thing Ben asks foronce he’s sure they’re safe.

~.~

She starts to notice a pattern after that.

It’s a silly thing to pay so much attentionto, given what had started it, but it’s impossible to ignore once Rey catcheson – no matter what he does, no matter how content or safe he is, everythingfrom Ben’s direction feels like he’s suspended mid-air, constantly waiting forthe other shoe to drop. What exactly it is that he’s expecting is impossible totell, but it’s there all the same, like an anxious backdrop to his every move.It relaxes its hold on him more and more every day and it never disappearscompletely – every step he makes is made with him holding his breath.

She finally cracks when she steps into theshower one day and sees him stiffen for all of a moment, shoulders caving inbefore he lets go.

“This doesn’t bother you when I do it.” It’sbarely a question and he cracks one eye open to give her a questioning look. “Unexpectedtouching.”

“No.” He rinses the soap out of his hair,the pristinely maintained air of nonchalance only giving when she doesn’telaborate either. “Why should it?”

Lessthan a year ago, I could have used it to kill you.It’s such a distant thought now, when he looks her in the eye, as open as he’sbeen ever since the very start. It had just meant something different then. “Itdoes with everyone else. I’ve seen it in a crowd. With our neighbours, too.”They don’t have too many of those and it’s still just a temporary home, but thepeople in their vicinity tend to be surprisingly affectionate. He’s always acutelyaware of his surroundings, but never of her – if anything, Rey suspects thatshe might have caught him by surprise only due to the fact that her presence isalready constant in his mind. “It doesn’t surprise you when it bothers others,too.”

“Is this about the droid?”

He’s just incredulous enough for her toknow that she’s right. “The same droid you’ve trained to trust you?”

The smile she gets in return might just bethe saddest one he’d ever given her. It’s a good thing, Rey supposes – she’sbeen seeing him happy more and more often lately and if memories are the onlything that can draw this out of him, it’s all the better for both of them.

“I’ve found that if you can’t train peopleto trust you, you have to teach yourself to duck out of their way.” There’s ascattered, chaotic recoil of recollection somewhere deep inside him, of lightningand shouting and pain and more pain It stretches on, seemingly over the courseof years, right before he shoves it out of sight. It’s horrifying, even more sofor how matter-of-fact he finds it – it’s a part of his life, just another laststraw on top of years of questioning and doubt, both external and internal; alifetime of looking over his shoulder and only seeing more unanswered questionsscattered along his path. It’s something she understands all too well, but eventhen, it’s far too much and for the first time, she sees it all, laid out likean open book in front of her on his command. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed,”he says, voice even lower than usual as he finally looks her in the eye, “but Ihave to train people out of mistrusting me.”

He’d never managed to train himself to trust him, that much Rey knowsnow. It almost makes her laugh; how for a long time, she had hoped against hopethat he would end up the explanation to all of her missing pieces (the past andthe peace and the hope, both her own and the ones of the entire galaxy), giventhat she’d answered some of his own questions in the meantime. Bond or no bond,she can’t imagine the relief it must have been – realising that she had lookedat him and had seen nothing but him alone, without a single accusation orpraise or expectation.

“Not me,” she argues immediately, ready fora rebuttal. He’s fond of arguing for argument’s sake, she’d had the time tofind out, but this might just be too important for him to try it now.

“No,” Ben agrees and there’s a little awein there too, just before he breaks into a smile. It’s entirely different thistime and it lights up his entire face and she’s already gravitating towards itlike a spaceship towards its homing beacon even before his hand cups her cheekand draws her closer. “Not you.”

~.~

When she wakes up the next day, the otherhalf of the bed is empty.

It’s a relatively common occurrence forher; waking up alone. Ben is a light sleeper and doesn’t seem to need much ofit to begin with, while Rey had had a much easier time of it ever since they’darrived on Tatooine. It would be a day like any other if it hadn’t been for thevoices in the only other room in the house and the strange mechanical wheezing thataccompanies it.

“Ben?” She rubs the sleep out of her eyesand pats the floor for her lightsaber, checking in on him through the bond oninstinct. He’s tense but not afraid, though that might just be the effort notto wake her – perhaps whoever is there doesn’t know that he’s not alone. Itshould have shocked her, how quickly every possible enemy on every spot on thespectrum had shifted into a vague theywhen they’d ended up alone against the rest of the galaxy, but it’s almost ahabit by now. Back when they had first slept with their weapons under theirpillows, it had been easier to think of their potential enemies as varying degreesof dangerous. Now, it’s just a distant sort of anxiety, ready to jump up atevery hint of a threat.

Lightsaber clutched in her hand, shetiptoes over to the door as the frenzied noise grows louder and her breathleaves her on a relieved exhale just as it comes to an abrupt stop.

“Do you see now? There’s no point infussing. This could have been much easier.” The sight in front of her is afamiliar one – Ben’s lying on his front on the floor, eyes shielded by themakeshift mask he usually uses when needed as he clutches D-0 in one hand and adrill in the other. Rey plucks one of the instruments floating around the roomand revels in the fact that he doesn’t flinch at the disturbance, the tension frommoments ago seeping away in favour of mild annoyance.

“B-better now.”

“I know.Now you can’t pretend you can’t hear me when I ask for something.” He tossesthe drill away in favour of an unsettlingly large needle. “We have to do something about this speechpattern. I thought it would go away on its own, but it’s been months.”

“R-Rey.”

“Yes, most likely. She’s good at that, isn’tshe?” The tone shifts from berating to almost conspiratorial mid-sentence and Reysteps fully into the room once his greeting flows through the connectionbetween them, as well as the awareness of her presence, and the warmth thatfollows engulfs her from head to toe, gentle and tentative and so carelesslyhonest that it nearly makes her cry. “Fixing things.”

When he turns to face her, she throws thewrench in his general direction. “I’m not sure he needs my help with thingsthat can fix themselves.”

Ben swiftly moves its course towards thetable where her weapon is already resting, returning her grin with one of hisown as he jumps up to his feet, repairs temporarily forgotten. “Perhaps not,”he allows, nearing her without an ounce of hesitation (it might not matteranymore, she thinks, how many times they’ve caught each other with their guarddown; not when it’s far more of a blessing than it’s ever been a curse). Atlong last, he’s actually landed, right here in front of her, without the pastbreathing down his back. It might be just around the corner, but the change isstill palpable enough for Rey to realise that she’d been holding her breathwith him; enough for her to feel nearly lightheaded as her own memories slip tothe side right along with his. “It’s enough that you’re here.”

This time, when she reaches out towardshim, Ben meets her halfway.