#can you be nostalgic for a thing thats still present in your life? maybe thats not the right word. but its not entirely out of need like-

[kavehnanginto]

if you hold me without hurting me (you’ll be the first to ever did)

pairings: childe, diluc, kaeya, kaveh

synopsis: life was nothing but pain, from the past to the present, it all bleaks of lost dreams and broken records of what life should’ve been. and now that you’re here they wonder if you too is but a temporary moment of happiness that turns into a melancholic memory

tags: depressed boys, again, trust issues abt u, mentions of death, mommy kinda leave kaveh, thats so sad, their parents kinda died, daddy issues, HEAVY CAPITALIZATION ON DADDY ISSUES, lana del rey song mhm, there is some fluff, please trust me

CHILDE is, for you, the nicest man you have ever met. A gentleman who gave you flowers and showered you with love. But it didn’t matter that he loved you that much, because no matter he will always be in your heart. Maybe in some instances you fought, you apologized, just like any other couple.

But he was not like any other man.

You knew who he was, and the violent nature that he stands for. Although you never saw, you always hear his new target, his new schemes and… with that comes bursts of reassurance of your love, undying love, loyalty to him. The cycle repeats, and even the hundredth time, he will always hug you tight afraid you will go.

And with that you always hug him back.

Some say that such a man was so hard to love, but his lopsided grin, his cute gestures—they had no idea who he was on your view. Maybe it was just facade, or maybe this was the actual him they never saw. But it doesn’t matter. You were his first love, the one who showed him what true and unconditional love is.

And just like his family—he intends to keep your innocence over these matters, and he intends to love you forever.

“It’s okay to let me go… but please say the reason. I’ll give you all of me, all I want is for that to be enough.”

DILUC is a highly respected bachelor in Mondstadt. But to you, he is but a fragile dandelion drifting in the wind. The warmth, the silence and the breeze of the wind were most of the moments you spend with him. He sometimes wondered if this childlike domestic happiness is some fever dream, a sweet lullaby kissing him in the forehead.

Just like the sweet innocence of childhood, the nostalgia was coming back to him. You offered him something more, something deeper and something real than a nostalgic feeling, but never did the maids of Dawn Winery saw Master Diluc running once again at the lake with a smile on his face running to you. Being with you.

You.

With all the years alone, his house simply a tool to help with his daily necessities, you changed it all. You were something to believe in, that he was worth all this joy, that he was worth something. That even with the pain, the deaths, the heartaches he think he rightfully deserves, this one glimmer of happiness the Gods gave him, this beautiful soul that was cursed to love him and he was blessed to love as well.

Without hurt, without pain, someone went into his life and willing to stay.

“The sound of the fire never gives me warmth in winters, perhaps having one more person is why I no longer feel so cold.”

KAEYA never really had a moment in his life that he believed that someone was going to stay. And he too believed that when he first saw you. Even with new memories, even when the years went and go he truly thought that you too will go away. Such preciousness of a pearl was no match for him, rusting and broken. Fixed only to be cut and sold. Used and mended.

Everyone had their own idea of what the Cavalry Captain is really like. A womanizer. An alcoholic. Manipulative. . But Kaeya never minded the roles that society wanted him to play, rather embracing the accusations of his characters. But one thing that seemed to be true in all the gossips around the town is that he hold his secrets pretty well. Too well.

Even too you. You never really wanted to know, there’s this nagging feeling in your mind that he still not trusts you. After all, life can always go backwards but even so your lips will be sealed. That’s a promise you are willing to keep forever.

His eye. His life. He trusts you with his life, he gives you everything you wanted but maybe it wasn’t worth it to answer all of your questions maybe? Maybe he too believed that you too will drift like the wind, just like his past, or maybe it’s him, like a ship sinking in the seas that even with all these things he wants to say, he didn’t want to break that trust and love you had. That love he wants to hold, the person he wants to cherish for a lifetime.

He’ll do anything for you, and his secrets will only harm you even if you know deep down inside that he was harming you too.

“The day you learn the truth, is maybe the day we’ll bid adieu.”

KAVEH was kind, perhaps too much. He treats you so good, even when he doesn’t have enough. That was simply his character, always asking if you’re okay, if you want this or do that. For you, he was simply an angel who fell on earth. A beautiful person who longed to play and create, art and festive.

And perhaps that too was a facade. You find him once crying over a box of toys, and there you cried with him too. It was not important as to why he cried but making him happy, for his joy was one that made the vines grow in the old trees and the one that even rain could never cover. He told you what happened, his past, his “sins” and there you never realized what he was going through.

But that doesn’t mean you can be here for him from now. Kaveh, who blamed everything on himself, could never really grasp how understanding you are. Listening to his words, crying his tears—like that of a little boy finding his peace. That he never found, now as a tall child searching for answers. But still apologizing when he answers. How can he deserve to be loved without hurt. To confess his crimes and be rewarded with a bouquet of flowers.

He longed to be loved, but now he believes that for someone to hold him tight this lonely night, his chest no longer felt so heavy. His heart no longer felt so tight. As now, it is whole for you.

“Sleep tight, and may you rest in a blooming new day, sweetheart.”

[ask-the-blackbutler-fandom]

you probably don't check this account anymore, but if you were have a do-over of your account (either back then or in the present), what would you do differently?

hi! im back for a bit, was feeling super nostalgic about the blog again. the odds of you seeing this are slim but i hope that you may, because ngl im overjoyed that there is anybody out there who would still care even just a tiny tiny bit about this thing that i cared about so overwhelmingly much as a child, so thank you lots and lots for sending something like this into this old inbox. it means more to me than you will probably ever know my original narrative that i wrote with all my fandomstuck friends at the time, and that was hinted at during the beginning of the blog, was that butler was half human and half demon, and his "demon side" has a cruel personality that he struggles to keep under control. you know, that sorta cliché narrative that kids like me couldn't get enough of /lighthearted, cringe is dead n all that, but yknow i don't remember if it was just me feeling overwhelmed by the thought of running a one-man-show with few side characters for butler to interact with, or if i just got really excited at the thought of giving him a brother, or some sort of mixture of both, but either way i decided to split up butlers human and demon side into two separate characters for the sake of the blog. i think at the time i had convinced myself it made the abstract ideas i had planned a bit more literal and easy to understand. like, ultimately i wanted to genuinely tell a story about self love, self hatred, and just generally the relationship you can have and foster for just your own self, but i guess i got cold feet and decided itd just be more simple if his two halves were two people as opposed to all internal. if i were to have a do-over, id stick to my original narrative and keep it all contained in one character. the thing is though, about the source material, is pretty much all of the characters who arent human have a really similar personality, which is great for something like fandomstuck. theyre all some variant of suave, skilled, a hint of unnerving, and maybe a sprinkle of flirtatious. and i feel that personality and tone really embodies the series as a whole. but, it leaves me struggling with what id do for butler's human side and what that personality would be like, if his demon side were to cover that suaveness and such. i wouldn't want it to just be a carbon copy of ciel, but pulling in influence from the other human characters is just a bit difficult to pull off in a way that feels good. and my solution at the time, to make him a super cutesy shy "kawaii boy", was just totally not it lol. that had purely bc of my bias for characters like that as well as my own personality leeching in. and frankly if im being honest, i struggle with being very nostalgic for this portrayal of butler, and the thought of changing it up makes me a little sad, because in my head and my heart he just totally captured a particular fragment of my life, and the thought of messing with that at all makes me... upset, tbh, but its something i would be willing to do if i ever did want to bring him back, which i do lightheartedly consider from time to time. still leaves me not totally sure what i WOULD want his personality to be like, but eh, at least i gave it more thought this time if anything no one cares abt this as much as i do but thats ok, but anybody who did read this whole thing i owe you my life thank you

[so-much-nonsense]

the absolute enigma

what does it take? to be at peace. to get used to things. to not feel overwhelmed everytime you experience something mildly unusual. i am super tired of feeling, i wish i could stop. watching the vampire diaries now makes me so nostalgic and i wish i had a humanity switch to just fucking shut everything off. i know this lacks all kinds of context so ill get started on a few things. today i visited someone at the hospital. a specific someone who is the most important person in my life. its nothing serious but its the most serious thing. anyways, given that i have spent so much time in and around hospitals i couldnt help but assure myself that i am used to it and that its nothing new. well, turns out only one of those two things are correct. this is nothing new to me, i have been spending so much time at hospitals since i was 10. what and why can be ignore because the reasons vary vividly from very deadly surgeries to a simple token. the feeling of walking down the long and empty hallways that are dimly lit is the feeling i know like the back of my hand. looking at terminally ill humans and just walking away as my heart cripples is a yearning that comes to me as easily as blinking. BUT what i have realised today, is that no matter how many times i do this, i will never get used to this. everytime it is still a fresh, overwhelming experience. but what matters is that this person is fine and so am i. that is it. also i keep thinking about a lot of things, always, obviously. but recently ive been pondering upon how people keep changing a lot. like a lot of time i spend thinking about this is wasted daydreaming or sum shit. this is what haunts me. everything that happens inside my brain is never real enough for the world but to me its the closest to reality ive ever been. idk if i should listen to myself or literally everyone else. its also about how i never want to give up. like, tf?? will i ever be ready to give up? honestly, i dont think so. because i want this to change. i do want to give up on certain things, that is what will enable me to enjoy what i have right now. the yearning to grow and want and have more, the potential to be in possesion of the best, is simply disabling me from enjoying where i am at right now. i keep thinking about how i dont enjoy the things i have now and how i let all the experiences pass because i am hopeful that i will get to experience something better. i can tell that i am never completely present in any situation, i keep thinking i will have the best situations to be present in. heck, i shouldve already been there, i should be there now. but i am not. i am simply choosing to deny where i am right now because i am not where i want to be. it makes a lot of sense when put into words but i hate that for myself. i like to cherish every experience, low or high. but right now, all i can think is, i am commercially analysing this and im getting into all types of politics in my head. maybe the thoughts are isolating themselves to change my likes and dislikes because thats one way of grieving. i dont want this. i hate this. hence, i want to give up on my dreams. but can i ever? i really do not think soooo ughhhh. maybe thats because i keep thinking that my dreams are not really dreams, they are goals that can be achieved. and somewhere i know that if i try hard enough i will achieve them but i just dont know why im not putting in the effort. or just why i did not put the effort the first time. but fuck it. im gonna try again. what have i got to lose? where i am right now. i hate that possibility. ik its not the greatest place but there is something about this that just clicks with me. so, like i said, ill keep trying. lol. and... uh... yeah, thats pretty much it for now. REGARDLESS (the irony), what kanan said about existential crisis flows in my veins: give up your dreams, death is coming, lets party!!

[perce]

pretty sure i blacked out for the entirety of 2017

[zuffer-weird-girl]

You don’t have to make this in to a story if you don’t want to but would Kai find his s/o breastfeeding kaito gross or be fascinated with it like wow that’s coming out you thats weird or how about taking a pregnancy test I feel like Kai would be like “yay we having a baby but I’m not touching your Gross pee stick”

Oof. Took long enough for me to write this... by the way did you notice how cute this man can be? Look at this gif.

Judging by your symptoms you were definitely sick.

There was no other option. Just looking at you every one could point it out with no difficulties.

Mood changes, lots of colics even not being on your period, low back pain, sore breasts, fatigue, nausea, constipation... One time he even saw you almost puking when Chrono came in for cooking holding a can of peas.

He was... worried at this point.

Although it seems like that just because he was stubborn his wife also had to be one... claiming that she wasn't sick.

He tried to examinate or even hire a particular doctor but when you had darkned your eyes and threatened him to not sleeping on the same room as his if he dared to do one of those, he shuted up pretty quickly.

When you marry someone you DON'T sleep apart from that person. THAT'S A FACT. also he needs you to sleep. Not that he is going to tell this anyway...

"Kai..?" You entered in his office only poking your head on the room in case he was busy.

He looked up and with a signal of his hand, he allowed you to enter... He was only doing taxes anyway, so screw it.

"You're feeling nauseous today as well?" You nodded while scrunching up your face in disgust.

"Peas... this time I throw up... damn those peas honestly." He hummed, placing the papers down as he got up from his chair.

"Angel I think its getting only wo-"

"Anyway~" you interrupted him while singing, giggling a bit when he rolled his eyes and sighed in irritation.

Does it cost too much of you if you even LISTENED to him?

"Since is Christmas season, I thought that... maybe I can give you a present earlier?"

He furrowed his eyebrows, you know how he felt about you buying him gifts and also how he felt about the... holiday in general. Thankfully it wasn't just as bad as was when he was still on that personal hell with his.... with those two people.

But still the thought still disturbed him a little.

"Ok. Before you say something about it, I swear this gift will be for both ours and even Pops enjoyment! Well, at least I really hope you get just as happy as I am with it."

He lifted one of his eyebrows in suspicion and doubt but sighed while crossing his arms when he saw that dammed puppy eyes of yours.

"Do as your wish." You let out a tiny yay and mentioned for him to follow you to your shared bedroom.

Well... you ended up fainting in the middle of your walk and Chisaki almost had a heartattack.

"(Y/N)!" Luckily he catched you in time before your body hitted the ground with full force.

"That's it." He growled and picked you up in bridal style and carried you to the bedroom himself.

Whatever virus it was in you he was going to yank it off by force.

He layed you on the bed and started to take his gloves off. When he was mere inches away from your skin you opened your eyes and yelped away from his hand.

His reaction had nothing pleasant about it..

"Get the hell back here. You are with a infection clearly, and must be cured now."

"Can you at least open my present before you have any regrets about it?!" You exclaimed while getting up, still a bit dizzy from the abrupt way you fall from your own bed.

He took a big breath in while pinching between his eyebrows.

"(Y/N)." He said darkly "Stop acting like a damn child and just... you put that look away. Is not going to work twice."

You out your bottom lip out and closed your palms together while looking uo at him.

"Please with a cherry on top?"

"... just give me this thing before I take you to the hospital by force." He growled while he sitted down on the bed.

You came in with a tiny rectangular black box with a green bow on it.

"After I see this. We will go to see what the hell is wrong with you. No objections." He demanded as he yanked the box away from your hands with a huff.

You giggled before sitting right besides him, no touching since he claimed you were sick, and waited paciently as he untied the box and opened the box slightly slow.

"..what the-?" He picked the objected and brought closer to see what the hell it was that stick.

"Wait, there's two lines on he-" realizitation hitted him like a train and he let go of the stick as he made way to the bathroom in hurry.

You were nervous until you heard the sounds of water splashing before you shook your head in disbelief with a smile.

Mysophobia was never going to get away from him.

He returned shortly after, rubbing his hands fervently, with probably alcohol gel, before he outted his gloves back on and looked at you with wide eyes.

You were getting slightly worried at the way his eyes were alnost popping out of his face.

"Uh... Kai?" You spoke reluctantly, standing up to properly look at him.

His wide gaze trailed from your face to your stomach... he stared for what seemed like five or even eight minutes as you started to tremble.

Why wasn't he saying anything?!

He slowly bringed one of his hands up and touched slightly with his middle and index finger the place which was growing another life.

A baby.

"Pregnant..." he mused monotonously while he still traced his glived finger over your civred skin area "I didn't stoped to reconsider that... possibility." His tone was numb but his eyes remained wide.

"Is... is it bad?" You whispered, feeling shivers go through all your body at the cool feeling of his gloves sliding now directly on your skin.

He chuckled, as he touched his foreheaded against yours. His eyes still pierced on your belly with a new... appearance on them.

"There was something on you... someone actually." He touched his intere hand now, pressing slightly.

"This is mine... I... made this. Angel I corrupted you badly this time." You gasped at his words, feeling your whole face heat up due to remember... nostalgic events.

He muffled kissed your between your eyebrows.

"I'm... happy. Is better than you being sick. Way better..."

You smiled up at him with tears in your eyes in relief that he hadn't gotten mad or even worse at the news. You hugged him tight, feeling his muscles contract but slowly relaxing back as he awkwardly enveloped his arms around your form.

"... heavens what is going to come out? Is a mixture between me and you in there." He said nonchalantly bjt you could feel the tiny hint of sarcasm and slightly desperation on that. "Betwen a demon and a angel... for God's sake..."

"A defiant? Half and half?" You looked up at him in mockness as his face transformed into one of deep thought.

"Huh. Is accurate."

"Wait what? No, Kai, you're not calling our baby this. That was only a joke."

"Too late."

[wolferals]

how he is as a best friend

arón piper preference

*

*

-arón tends to be the kind of friend that is like always busy

-but when he‘s free he wants to hang out 24/7

-and eat

-like, a lot

-and watch some nostalgic movies with you

-or just simply your favorites

-for example „roma“ or „toy story“ or even „high school musical“

-even tho he hated hsm he still watched it with you bc its your favorite childhood movie

-you guys have this tv show binging thing going on where you agree on watching a show together individually

-and then rant about certain characters you guys hate

-arón is a very caring best friend

-when you‘re upset and really need to talk to someone he makes time for you

-always.

-its his highest priority to cheer u up

-so he calls you and tries to calm you down when you‘re crying

-and of course you do the same to him

-you dont see him sad or upset very often but once he is, there‘s not much that can cheer him up do fast

-but you try your best

-you cook for him

-or bake him cookies

-clean for him if he‘s like really upset

-and if he‘s crying (which happens rarely) you comfort him

-you let him put his head on your lap

-and you scratch his had while telling him stories to make him feel better

-he holds onto you like a monkey

-and maybe falls asleep

-when its your birthday he does everything for you

-like everything

-he tries his best baking a cake

-but ends up failing and feels ashamed giving you his homemade cake

-but you love it and hug him for like 10 minutes bc you‘re so thankful for having him in your life

-he gets you the most personal cute little presents

-he knows how much of a softie you are

-and he makes you personalized photo albums or writes you little notes telling you what he loves about you

-and he throws you a birthday party including your best friends and some of his‘ that you get along with

-and he gets your favorite snacks

-and makes everyone make you feel special that day

-arón wants you to feel amazing on your birthday

-so he makes you a playlist with your favorite songs in it to play at the party

-and after everyone is gone, he cleans up and then helps you fall asleep by giving you a back rub or playing with your hair

-of course telling you how great you are all the time

-lets imagine you had a guy in sight

-arón would of course want you to be happy

-but he‘d keep telling you to be careful

-he doesnt want anyone to break your little sensitive heart

-thats why he wants to meet the guy before you guys get any serious

-if there was anything wrong with him, arón would totally tell you

-and try to keep you away from him

-also its very important for you that your future boyfriend and arón get along

-he‘s not jealous or anything but he sure is overprotective

-he‘s totally fine with you having a boyfriend

-unless he‘s an asshole then he‘d literally kick his ass

-and he‘s okay with you having a lot of friends

-but thats why he‘s so incredibly sweet to you

-he wants you to know that he‘s the best guy you‘ll ever meet

-he wants to be the best

-your best friend

[gojos-eyedrops]

Perhaps The One Thing I Actually Regret

Disclaimer: trigger warnings include: depression, eating disorders and suicide. I guess PTSD as well even though its not explicitly mentioned, it is implied.

Hello, my (nick)name is Fry, I'm 23 and I'm a year away from graduating from Vet School. This information is important, I'm not just offering my presentation card.

So, quarantine *claps* the big amount of time I've had ever since...elementary(?) And ofc I've had plenty of time to do a lot of things I've wanted to do, as well as procrastinating others *avoids looking at the pile of unread books in my room* and pretty much my favorite hobby has been catch up on manga, watch anime I've had in my queue for ages.

This is where Haikyuu comes in.

You see, I used to play volleyball in high school. I did a lot of things growing up (horse riding, basketball, kick boxing) Volleyball was the one sport I did for the longest time and the one I enjoyed the most. At the time, my life what a shit show. School hours where the worst, I hated all of my classes, I was friends with probably the two most toxic people I've ever met, my self esteem was 8 ft underground, I had an eating disorder and at some point, I was suicidal. I am ot lying when I say I can hardly remember 50% of my time in highschool. (Chronic stress, man)

However, one thing I do remember was the time I spent training volleyball. I remember each and every face from the team, I remember which faces were good at what and their positions (I always sucked at names akdjsjf except for Patricia 😭💕 my first girl crush and coming out story, but thats another topic for another day), I even remember this guy I had a crush on who wasn't on the team, but his sister was and she she drived so he'd wait for her during her training before returning home. I remember the coaches and how they all were related (grandfather, father and son!), I remember getting crazy excited when i bought my first volleyball and knee pads. I still remember the entire 40 minute warm up, step by step.

Clearly, these two hour training, three times a week was the best part of my week during highschool. So much I actually had a generous lunch before training despite my eating disorder bugging me. I liked to train and actually hated it when my blood sugar got low and had to take a break from training.

Because of reasons, I couldn't keep going training and playing with that team (which was outside of school) so I decided to join the shoool team. The coach was this crazy strict woman, I never felt so fit in my life, her training was HELL and I loved it. However, in my last year of highschool, they switched coaches, and this new coach was an asshole.

I was a setter, and was the tallest girl in the team and also left handed. However, I was a terrible, awful, spiker. I could not spike decently to save a life. So all those three years I was a setter and/or defense. Until this asshole insisted that I became a spiker because I'm left handed. (If you dont know, left handed spikers are an advantage since all blockers are used to block right handed people, left handed players are always a surprise and is hard to adjust during the first minutes of match)

He'd constantly yell at me for my terrible spiking capacities (which i warned him of) and never allowed me to be a setter. I was a depressed and an angry mofo teenager, I left the team.

And since, I haven't joined a team again.

Now, university. You see, vet school is...not as busy as I'd thought. But I had all this burnout, I cut ties with this toxic people, and was trying to heal myself from all the damage I did to myself on highschool. I was antisocial and liked to be alone with my one friend, who's also a socially awkward mess. I had the opportunity to join the volleyball team and I didnt because I still resented this asshole coach.

And by the time I actually wanted to enjoy my university years, vet school had become busy enough. Not because of the homework (a little bit, yes), but because we were constantly visiting farms all around the state. I barely spend time on campus by this point (leaving little Miss quarantine aside).

So, I started watching Haikyuu, and kid you not, I felt this huge regret of not joining the team when I could. I somehow had burried all those good memories in my head and watching haikyuu made me remember why I loved volleyball so much.

I go out to the garden and empty street to play volleyball by myself, and sometimes with my boyfriend joins. Its very nostalgic and at the same time I feel really full and excited and happy. (And I am totally not crying while writing this ajdjsjf)

I should not have waited this long to watch haikyuu, and I should have joined the vb team when i had the chance. I still have a single term left (in case next term goes as normal) to do it, even if its for a single term, I'm gonna be very satisfied. (because my last term are professional practices, maybe I could if the doctor allows me to go training, the vet I already work at is a mile away from my school)

I rarely feel regret or remorse. I hate those feelings. I've always believed theres no point in regretting the past. Instead of letting those negative feelings make you feel bad, you should use them to sharpen your decision making and seek a way to make things better.

But this? I look back and realize I let an entire year (of enough free time at school) of actually enjoying what I like to do. Playing volleyball. And thinking about how the hourglass is slowly running out of sand makes me feel a little regret. Its time I'm never getting back. I let that oportunity slip like water through my fingers. It makes me wish I could turn back time and actually do something. Or tell Past!Fry to not be a whiny little bitch and go join the team despite liking her solitude and privacy.

I guess the reason why I am liking Haikyuu so much is precisely that emotional connection to volleyball and what it meant playing it. The memory of having to whole hours of me not worrying about my demons. Two hours in which I was completely able to fly freely. And I'm already crying way too much, I'm gonna stop writing now before I flood the room sjdjsnjee

Sorry for the long post, but this is something that has been on my mind a lot. Thank you for bearing my emotional rant.

[endlesshourglass]

20 Questions Tag

Just kidding I got tagged in 2 10 Questions tag games so I’m just going to do them together...

Thank you to the wonderful @micastarsandmirrors and @bronwyn-writes for the tags!

Answer the 10 (x2) questions - Make 10 new questions - Tag people!

GAME 1

1. Kindergarten AU! Pick one MC (main character) and tell us which they’d be: The kid who cries all the time, the kid who pinches the kid who cries all the time, the kid who hugs the kid who cries all the time, or the teacher who has a very very bad headache?

I’ll pick Trent and Blair from The Endless Hourglass! Trent would definitely be the kid who pinches the kid who cries all the time, while Blair would be the teacher who has a very very bad headache. 

2. Which of your characters had the most wholesome childhood?

Probably Jazz! Them and their dad are very close, and he is very supportive of them and everything they set out to accomplish! Who wouldn’t flourish on that unconditional love and support? 

3. If any of your characters were real, which one would you likely get along with the most?

Hmm thats a hard question because I have a LOT of OCs and a lot of them are lovely people. I’d have to say Jazz, Tomas, Sagan, Blair, and Ingrid. They are all either really sweet, really funny, really responsible (in a good, respectable way), or all of the above! 

4. When your villain/antihero was a child, what did they want to be when they grew up?

Prince Florien always wanted to be a great and powerful leader. His father puts a lot of pressure on him, you know. Imagine dealing with your parents, but for 100s of years... yikes. 

5. Do any of your OCs play instruments?

Yup! Adrien plays the drums, Ingrid plays the violin, Blair plays the piano, Michael plays the guitar, and Ella sings really well!

6. Who is the snarkiest character in your WIP?

I have to choose??? Eh probably Blue. That wasn’t as hard as I thought. 

7. Do you have any characters who you hope NOBODY EVER TRIES TO SHIP?

UH YEAH. Blue and Adrien (excuse me while I hurl), Michael and... anyone (love my aro boy), Ingrid and Hayden (ewewew). There are more, but those are the ones that would bother me the most.

8. Which of your OCs has a weird hidden talent?

Adrien can pick things up with feet, really well, kind of like a monkey. His toes are like mini fingers. It’s weird... the dude could be an acrobat or circus performer or something. 

9. How would your MC handle being around babies?

I’ll answer for all of them because thinking of this question made me laugh:

Jazz loves babies! They would coo at them and ask to hold them and probably start crying at how cute they are. Ella would be indifferent but would still ask to hold the baby, just to get them away from Jazz. 

Maddeleina doesn’t really care for babies. She would probably say “cute baby” and leave it at that. No fussing, no holding, nothing. 

Trent would try and steal its candy. Literally, he would steal candy from a baby. Blair would then scold him, apologize to the parents, and give the baby its candy back and then probably more candy. And if she happened to get to hold the baby or touch its tiny baby hand, then that would be an added bonus to making them smile!

10. Pick three of your characters and tell us what their battle cry would be.

Rhonda: FUCK YOU *stabs with a metal spike*

Adrien: *barely hurts someone* oh god I’m so sorry!!!!

Ella: take that *kicks someone into next week*

GAME 2 

1. What would your MC’s favorite sitcom be?

I know that Jazz and Ella would love B99. 

2. How would your MC react to space travel?

Depends which one... Ella and Jazz know its a thing so they wouldn’t be all that impressed besides the usual “wooooaahh SPACE!” Maddeleina would be freaked out (because space is a thing?) but ALSO really excited because now there are even more places she can explore and travel to. Trent and Blair would probably think a Magician was pulling a trick on them somehow. Maybe someone who can make illusions? 

3. List three OCs and name their worst vice.

Trent: being an asshole to innocent people (and also greed)

Rhonda: bias, pride, and rage

Adrien: secrecy, inanity, intemperance 

4. Would any of your OCs cheat on their s/o?

I’d HOPE not. Jk Hayden probably would... if he actually ever got someone to like him. 

5. If you had to kill off one OC in a WIP, who would you choose?

Hehehe SPOILER ALERT 

6. If your MC could choose to live in any time period, what would it be?

Jazz would want to live in the 90s maybe. A but nostalgic for their young toddler years. Ella thinks the Renaissance was cool. 

7. Name a video game that an OC would love playing if they had exposure to existing video games.

Adrien would love games like Life is Strange. I could see Blue playing Legend of Zelda Breath of the Wild and beating all 120 shrines (what nerd does that ahehehe...he..he ok me). 

8. How would your OC react to having to adapt a vegan diet?

Blue is a carnivore who only eats meat and drinks literal fire so... not so well. He would literally die. 

9. What’s your MC’s worst fear?

For Trent its dying, and the ever present, looming threat of our own immortality. Blair is afraid of being alone. Ella fears the unknown. Maddeleina fears failure. Jazz is terrified of spiders. 

10. Do you ship any romance that will never happen in your WIP?

Not really? Because honestly... if I ship something  I just make it canon. :D

Ok sorry that was a lot. But here’s MORE! Tagging: @no-url-ideas-tho @lady-redshield-writes @gettingitwrite @dantedevereaux @violet-clouds-and-skies @incandescent-creativity @spacebrick3 @tinydragonadventures @jaimistoryteller @hawksnbooks @lonelylibrary @cabaretofwords and anyone else who wants to do it! 

The questions are:

1. QUICK, your MC is on a sinking ship and there is one seat left in the life boat! Do they take the seat or sacrifice themselves?

2. What OC is most likely to pet every dog that they see?

3. Your MC can only eat one thing for the rest of their life. What is it?

4. Do you have any relationships in your WIP that you are afraid people won’t ship?

5. Choose 3 OCs and name their best quality.

6. What inspired the name of your MC? 

7. What OC would be most likely to randomly break into song?

8. How would your MC react to someone punching them?

9. Which OC(s) are your favorite?

10. If you could have coffee with any of your OCs, who would it be?

[realmzenith]

answer All the questions for your newest oc

DEAD U HAD TO ASK FOR NEWEST DIDN’T YOU. welp in that case have ya boi eneko

What’s the maximum amount of time your character can sit still with nothing to do?he’s a patient dude! eneko can likely sit still doing nothing for as long as his physiology will allow aka until he needs to go to the bathroom or smth. he does well w low activity as he’s an introspective person

How easy is it for your character to laugh?FAIrly easy?? on a level of one to ten w one being laughs at anything that moves or doesn’t move i’d say he’s a.. 6. ok so not that easily like he IS fairly taciturn but he will smile and laugh at a good joke esp if he’s comfy around the person making it

How do they put themselves to bed at night (reading, singing, thinking?)by crying- no jk he doesn’t… cry… emotions? what are those??? (thats a lie he’s an emotional mess) he will plan for the next day, strategizing and such but that’s honestly rlly bad for him. he stresses easily. on nights when he’s got a clearer head he’ll hum softly or read if he’s not feeling too guilty abt burning off candles. he does like night walks they always clear his mind

How easy is it to earn their trust?oh oof that’s a tricky one. not that easy but at the same time- OKAy yeah just not that easily from one being the easiest to ten being the hardest he’s likely a 8

How easy is it to earn their mistrust?VERY hard. once you’ve gained his trust he will be LOYAL af to u eneko is quiet n not the most expressive but he will absolutely go down in flames for someone he’s deemed trustworthy. a solid 9. 

Do they consider laws flexible, or immovable?laws are flexible defo. he PREFERS structure but if morality trumps laws he will break them. it also helps that he’s lowkey part of a rebellion so technically his existence in the present is breaking the law

What triggers nostalgia for them, most often? Do they enjoy that feeling?god save us all. he’s a nostalgic dude so uh, oh damn i dont have backstory for him yet i made him last night rainy stop bullying me but ykw we’re doing this. flowers defo. queen anne’s lace n bluebells esp? bring back memories n also pumpkin stew. mixed memories w that one. queen anne’s lace mean sanctuary n bluebells mean gratitude which is LOWKEY ironic considering they spawn memories of burning along w memories of his older sisters so yes?? he does like remembering his sisters but no not in that context. the stew is a weird reminder of his first love n that’s. also complicated 

What were they told to stop/start doing most often as a child?talk more and talk better. he’s got a bit of habit of being short abt things and the middle sister of the fam was ALWAYS getting on his case abt no u can’t word it like that but the eldest was and is a terrible influence n absolutely encouraged it bc she found it hilarious. it’s good they love each other i swear

Do they swear? Do they remember their first swear word?yes he’s part of a rebellion and a soldier what more do u eXPECt and no he doesn’t remember his first swear word. he also doesn’t curse that much dont get me wrong. he has to be comfy around u

What lie do they most frequently remember telling? Does it haunt them?gosh uh. eneko is still v underdeveloped so i .. WELL I CANNOt tell u in the present it’s prbly smth angsty involving his sisters or his lovER but the answer to does it haunt him? yes absolutely he must Suffer :)

How do they cope with confusion (seek clarification, pretend they understand, etc)?it depends on the situation’s levity. if it’s smth important he will absolutely bluntly ask for clarification if it’s smth casual he’ll just nod and pretend like he knows what ur talkin abt bc social anxiety is a b

How do they deal with an itch found in a place they can’t quite reach?Suffer in Silence

What color do they think they look best in? Do they actually look best in that color?he doesn’t rlly think abt this. he likes green tho but he wears a lot of black (that’s partially required by his associations and partially bc idk what other colors exist thanks @ god) he looks best in hmmm red

What animal do they fear most?himSELF 

How do they speak? Is what they say usually thought of on the spot, or do they rehearse it in their mind first?he’s usually fairly forthright so he sounds like he’s saying whatever comes to mind but the reality is he says abt 1% of what he’s thinking and he won’t say things that are quite obviously rude. who knows tbh maybe he gains secret enjoyment from watching ppl squirm under his bluntness eyes emoji

What makes their stomach turn?torture n he hates the sight of bones. blood he can stand but bones? no thanks. unfort in the business they’re in he comes across both of those more than he’d like. he also hates working in the theoretical. it’s unnerving but he’s fine if someone he trusts is wading thru the abstract for him aka thank u @ kent for being the resident intuitive 

Are they easily embarrassed?nah not particularly 

What embarrasses them?if u slap his BUTT in public jkjk i mean that would embarrass him if u caught him by surprise but hmmm he doesn’t like attention if u draw attention to him he’ll freak a lil that would fluster him also excessive praise esp if it’s expressed publicly. he squirms beneath the spotlight

What is their favorite number?19. day of the month he last saw his sisters smiling

If they were asked to explain the difference between romantic and platonic or familial love, how would they do so?he’d prbly say smth deep which i cannot truly replicate but prbly smth like. “familial love is steady. it’s the mountain beneath which u were born. it’s the protection n the stability n the impossible sheer volume of it that can’t quite be comprehended. platonic love is like cords linking u to them. it’s the promise, the assurance of i will pull u up if u fall and if i can’t ill fall w u. it’s a tug o war and an anchor. romantic love is a stallion. it’s the passion and the chance but if u know how to tame it it serves to make u a better man than u could ever become on ur own. it’s the teamwork and the flames”

Why do they get up in the morning? to execute justice and to experience each new precious day he’s been gifted

How does jealousy manifest itself in them (they become possessive, they become aloof, etc)? it’s ugly when jealousy rears its head in him. he doesn’t SAY anything but his actions become more erratic and he has a harder time focusing. it’s likely he’ll become more impulsive. he’s not DANGEROUs per se but it’s not a situation u want him in

How does envy manifest itself in them (they take what they want, they become resentful, etc)? envy he’s better about. mostly bc unlike w jealousy he doesn’t already have the thing. it’s smth he’ll just push down and soldier thru like he does w most uncomfy things in his life

Is sex something that they’re comfortable speaking about? To whom? oh MY GOD DONT TALK ABT SEX that’s SCANDALOUS- the answer is no he finds it unprofessional in his line of work but he would be comfortable discussing it w his s/o

What are their thoughts on marriage? good. he approves. however, for himself he finds the prospect unlikely considering the high risk nature of what he’s involved himself w. he expects to die before 35 in all seriousness

What is their preferred mode of transportation? in the sweet embrace of death horseback

What causes them to feel dread? the knowledge that everything’s falling apart. that fate and circumstance are slowly but surely chipping away at the very foundation of what u live for and there’s absolutely nothing u can do to stop it. also freaking the appearance of the antagonist or his minions

Would they prefer a lie over an unpleasant truth? in theory? no. in practice? he’s actually p sensitive that’s a difficult one to answer. it would greatly depend on the circumstance but in the long run he prefers the truth

Do they usually live up to their own ideals? yes but in his own eyes, no. he holds himself to extremely high standards and is very self critical. also he has rlly unachievable ideals he’s a lil bit idealistic beneath the guise of realism

Who do they most regret meeting? ohohOHO jk i have no idea not there yet in the story but prbly the antagonist he’s a b

Who are they the most glad to have met? funnily enough? he could almost say the antagonist. he’s the reason why eneko’s working as hard as he is for what he is. without the introduction of the antagonist he would’ve been oblivious to the terrible injustice around him and likely ended up a victim by some obscure mindless death order. however the person he truly admires is the rebel member who took him under her wing however she’s still in the works so i can’t give u much on her

Do they have a go-to story in conversation? Or a joke? i don’t think so, no

Could they be considered lazy? NOPE not in any sense of the word. eneko works extremely hard. he’s v dedicated n dutiful

How hard is it for them to shake a sense of guilt? oh, very hard. he’s naturally altruistic so he tends to take failures to heart and internalize them and considering the dangerous line of work he’s in he oftens has guilt building up inside him. he’ll likely carry it w him for the rest of his life once he’s decided to be guilty abt smth. if someone doesn’t help him w it it can break him down in ugly ways

How do they treat the things their friends come to them excited about? Are they supportive? yes!! he’s a pure son. you’ll definitely get a smile out of him if smth good has happened to u. he’s very supportive of his friends. he would die for his friends and likely all of u i just want u all to know this 

Do they actively seek romance, or do they wait for it to fall into their lap?neither. he finds seeking romance irresponsible w his lifestyle. as i previously stated he expects to die young

Do they have a system for remembering names, long lists of numbers, things that need to go in a certain order (like anagrams, putting things to melodies, etc)? he has fairly good memory esp w faces! but otherwise? i would say he learns best by touch. he’s a tactile person and also fairly auditory. music defo helps him remember things

What memory do they revisit the most often? prbly the day he separated from his sisters. it’s not a particularly good memory but it’s seared in his mind

How easy is it for them to ignore flaws in other people? he doesn’t ignore ppl’s flaws per se? he’s p perceptive so it’s difficult for him to just turn a blind eye at least within his own mind but eneko is v tolerant of ppl and accepting. even if he dislikes u it’s doubtful you’ll know he’s fairly good at keeping up the same respect for most everyone he comes in contact w. but yeah? he knows what flaws are there but he will simply accept ppl bc he knows everyone, including himself, esp himself, has many flaws

How sensitive are they to their own flaws?oh oof yeah he’s?? a p sensitive guy so while he recognizes his own faults jabs to his weak spots will hurt him and he’ll prbly sit on the accusation or callout for days esp if someone accuses him of being selfish or immoral or not having done enough for the ppl he cares abt (smth along those lines) he’d absolutely hate that. but if u tell him he’s blunt he’s going to be like im well aware of that

How do they feel about children? he’s SUCH A DAD he loves kids and he’s rlly good w them they love him bc he’s SOFT ok but he doesn’t plan on having them himself even tho he’d like to for the exact same reasons he isn’t pursuing romance/marriage

How badly do they want to reach their end goal? enough that he’d die to reach it

If someone asked them to explain their sexuality, how would they do so?eneko is either demi or grasexual w pan preferences. he’s also panromantic. if someone asked for explanation he’d be like “i’m attracted to people of all genders” and just leave it at that unless ofc they were like RLLY curious or smth but he doesn’t rlly consider himself demi or pan or anything he just knows he isn’t straight LOL

QUESTIONS FOR CREATORS

A) Why are you excited about this character?…strong silent type. that’s all i have to sayB) What inspired you to create them?i’ve taken some inspiration from other characters from shows, etc. i’ve written so he’s a bit of a love child of the best of my musesC) Did you have trouble figuring out where they fit in their own story?im still figuring it out so that’s a probable yesD) Have they always had the same physical appearance, or have you had to edit how they look?he’s been edited a bit there were a few reincarnations of him like at first he had straight black hair in an undercut style but now it’s WAVY and dark brown and he also got darker. id say he’s like latino w a lil african blood this is esp amusing considering i literally created him last nightE) Are they someone you would get along with? Would they get along with you?i think we’d get along alright if we could get past the initial awkwardness bc we’re both kind of crap at interpersonal relationships actually he isn’t that bad it’s mostly me and i THINK he might find me slightly abrasive n energetic (even tho im PLOT TWIST low energy compared to most extroverts) but he’s tolerant it wouldn’t be too badF) What do you feel when you think of your OC (pride, excitement, frustration, etc)?love…. i love my soft boi i usually hate my ocs aka i would slap them if given the chance but eneko? deserves happinessG) What trait of theirs bothers you the most?he is not real in general and non existent in actual writing as of the present. the latter tragedy i will soon solve. in all seriousness it’s prbly his bluntness it has the tendency to give me second hand embarrassmentH) What trait do you admire most?his tolerance and patience i have none loLI) Do you prefer to keep them in their canon universe?for now, yes! i dont have a solid grasp of him so until then he’ll stay where he was BIRTHEDJ) Did you have to manipulate or exclude canon factors to allow them to create their character?not rlly! the entire story he’s in is still in the works so everything’s rlly flexible

[fondeyeslester]

Memories turned into daydreams

Summary: He stood there in the middle of an empty room; thinking of the life he had before. Or five times Dan felt insecure and one time he felt comfortable with himself.

Author’s note: I’ve had this idea since the day Dan and Phil posted their moving out video. I really love this trope and I hope that I was able to do something different with it. Thanks to my beta the amazing @benjoakley for working on this fic even when life was crazy and to the the extreamly talented  @i-like-you-thats-why-i for capturing what i wanted to do in such a beautiful way. 

Warnings: anxiety, sad thoughts and mild panic attack

Clothes were scattered all over the floor, and the desk was gone. Dan stood in the middle of the room, staring blankly at the piles of empty boxes. A place that had been his home for five years; the one place where he felt safe and protected. A place that embodied the best years of his life, and he was leaving it behind. Even if the house was falling apart slowly, and crumbling before their eyes, and even if they were being penetrated by noise from three different angles, Dan couldn’t help but feel a bit nostalgic. He’d always been one to cherish physical objects, and get sentimental about the little things. Dan stood there looking at his messy room; packing something small every few minutes, but mostly just taking in his surroundings, appreciating the bittersweet moment. As he paced the room, Dan picked an old shirt that didn’t even fit him anymore and threw it into the trash pile. He’d been in that situation for about forty minutes, and the room had barely changed. If anything, there was a bigger mess on the floor. Dan kept pacing, and packing, and over thinking, and pacing, and over thinking, and packing. The trash pile kept growing, and Dan wondered if the storage problem came from him hoarding shit for years, rather than from an actual lack of space. Dan was not even looking at what he took before throwing it unceremoniously into the trash. His thoughts were eating him alive, and he didn’t really know what he was doing. He grabbed something from his shelf and was about to put it with the rest of the trash when he realized he was holding the Tomberi plushie Phil got him for christmas back in 2009. Dan backed away immediately, holding the little plushie close to his chest, as if he’d just save it from a fire and  putting on the floor somehow meant not being able to see it ever again. Dan looked at the toy and smiled.

December 25, 2009

Dan was quiet. His uncle had been ranting about politics for a while, and Dan was trying his best not to storm out in the middle of christmas dinner. As the old man talked Dan could see many of his relatives nodding and smiling. Some were quiet, but no one dared question his uncle’s opinions.  At some point, the man began to talk about gay marriage, and Dan went pale. His uncle kept talking and Dan wanted to cry. He wanted to kick and scream, but he remained quiet. He saw his grandma nodding in approval when his uncle made a particularly crude statement about how, “ homesexual relationships were dirty and unnatural.” Dan’s heart broke. His grandma had always been one of his closest, most loving relatives, and to know she hated who he was destroyed him. He took a deep breath, trying to keep himself from crying. A few tears managed to escape, and he noticed his brother looking at him sadly. Dan gave the younger a small smile, thankful for the quiet support. His brother was the only member of the family that knew Dan liked boys, and even though he was only twelve, Dan felt he was the only person in his family he could really talk to.

Dinner was finally over, and the family was gathered in the lounge. Dan was sitting in a corner, feeling isolated and lonely. His cousin tried to have a conversation with him at some point,but Dan had been so unresponsive and aloof that she gave up. He watched as all of his relatives sat and talked. The christmas lights were way too bright, but the voices weren’t loud enough. Dan could see the lovely family scene unfold, but he felt disconnected and lost. All of these people with big smiles on their faces were filled with hatred on the inside. Part of Dan didn’t want to be with a family that didn’t accept who he was, but a bigger part of him wanted to be a part of it. He ached for the closeness. He felt like an outsider, and craved the support and acceptance of his family. So Dan was sitting in the corner, wanting to either disappear or be seen when a familiar voice brought him back to reality.

“Daniel, your uncle just asked you a question.” Dan’s dad said crudely.

“Oh., um…I’m sorry. I guess I was a bit distracted.”

“ Yeah.We noticed.” His Dad answered, clearly annoyed.

“ I was wondering about your plans for university.”

“Oh, I-well I guess I’m-um” Dan stuttered. He really didn’t want to talk about that.

“Dan’s going to be a lawyer.” interrupted his mom, with a big grin on her. “Isn’t that right,honey?” It took Dan a moment to realize she was talking to him, and not his dad.

“Yeah, that’s-yeah.”

“That’s a very good choice, Daniel. Do have  you any school in mind?” His uncle asked.

“Well,  um, I’m thinking maybe Manchester University would be cool.”

“That’s a good school.” The old man said. “Have you applied yet?”

“ N-not yet, but, mm there’s still time.” The boy answered, feeling overwhelmed by all the attention being put on him.

“Dan likes to do things last minute. I don’t know how he’s going to survive university.” His dad said. Dan went red. He wanted to defend himself, but he didn’t want to draw more attention to himself. Besides, his father was just voicing the things he’d been worrying about for months.

“ He’s had a whole year to do it.  He’ll have to get act his together if he wants to succeed.” His dad continued. The man kept talking and Dan’s blush kept growing.

“Dad, can you stop talking about me like I’m not in the fucking room.” Dan said, louder than he’d intended, and regretted it as soon a he did. All of his relatives were staring at him in shock. The moment seemed to last forever. Everyone was silent, and Dan could see his father’s face distort in horror. Dan blushed, and he could feel his eyes get wet. His heart was pounding on his chest from the anxiety of having all of those people staring at him.

“Daniel, language!” His mother said, her voice was harsh, and you could see the annoyed look in her face, but she was still smiling widely, trying to keep up the perfect family act his parents loved to portray. Dan opened his mouth to argue, but closed it again when he met eyes with his dad. The man’s jaw was clenched, and his eyebrows raised. The boy stood up slowly, wanting to be anywhere else. He walked across the lounge, with his head down, and went to his bedroom. He heard his father make a joke about teenagers being dramatic, and tried his best to ignore it. Even though, deep down, he knew he overreacted.

He slammed his door shut, and laid on his bed, looking at the ceiling and cuddling the green plushie Phil had gotten him a week ago.  He wanted to cry, but the tears wouldn’t come out. I don’t even have a reason to be upset, he thought. It’s not like he was lying or anything. He was frustrated and overwhelmed. Everyone was laughing, and opening presents downstairs, and there he was throwing a fucking temper tantrum on christmas. It’s not like i belong with them anyway. He laid there for what felt like hours, tears did manage to escape at some point, soaking the little Tomberi. He cried in the darkness of his room, christmas carols setting the mood, until he ran out of tears. He’d been wanting to do something all night, but didn’t in fear of being annoying. He looked at his phone, and then at the wet plushie. Dan hesitated for a moment before making the call. He didn’t answer. Of course he didn’t. It was Christmas, and he was probably spending time with his family.

“Hey this is Phil! I can’t talk right now, but leave your message after the rawr.”

The phone beeped, and Dan opened his mouth to speak but no sound came out. There were a million things he wanted to say, but at the same time he had nothing to talk about. He breathed into the speaker before hanging up.

———————-

He kept packing, but he was more careful now, examining objects, before deciding whether he was going to keep them or not. He was looking into his closet, putting his designer clothes neatly into boxes. He hadn’t thrown anything into the trash pile for a while, he didn’t have many old clothes anyway, as he gave them away to charity pretty often. The monotonous task of folding was somewhat relaxing, and kept the anxious thoughts that had been crawling into his mind at bay. Dan tried hard to focus on the folding. He took deep, calming breaths and refused to think about what he was doing and what it meant. It was therapeutic, and soon Dan found himself digging out from the closet things he hadn’t seen in ages. One of Phil’s old shirts, and some things they bought in Jamaica all those years ago. They all went into the trash pile. But what really grabbed Dan’s attention was his old llama hat, sitting at the back end of the closet. Dan cringed slightly at the sight, but couldn’t help smile a little at all the memories that bloody hat had attached to it.

July 18, 2011

Everyone around him was smiling. People he’d never seen acting as if they were old friends. It’s been two years, and still he doesn’t understand the concept of having fans. It’s been two years, and reality hadn’t hit him up until that moment. Sure, he’d been in small gatherings before. He’d met a few people that enjoyed his videos, but that was nothing compared to the queue of teenagers that were there just to meet him. He looked at them, and then at Phil, who also smiling, looking at all of those people in awe. Dan was jealous of how natural it came to the other boy. He’s meant to do this, he thought, remembering the way he’d acted the day before with all of the people they met. Phil was calm and composed. His awkwardness was rather endearing, as opposed to Dan’s, which was irritating and uncomfortable to witness.

The meetup was about to begin. They could hear people talking excitedly about them. Dan had been excited in the morning, but as the day went one he got exhausted and he didn’t even know how to act in this situation. He was walking around the small room, fidgeting nervously.  Dan peeked through the curtain and saw a young girl wearing his new danasour shirt. He knew he should feel proud and grateful, but there was a certain bittersweet taste left in his mouth at the sight. He thought about all the letters and art taped on his bedroom wall. About how he gave a guy an autograph, A fucking autograph as if I were famous or something. Anxiety began to settle in his chest. His thoughts were running wild, and suddenly he couldn’t breathe. There were tears in his eyes. Something cold was touching him. There was noise, so much noise. People were waiting to see him. Expectations, and nerves, and self doubt. There were so many thing happening around him, everything at once, and Dan felt disconnected.  He was drowning. He couldn’t see anything, just water. His breaths were shallow. He felt empty, and overwhelmed at the same time. There was  noise. He wanted quiet. His surroundings and his head were way too loud. He couldn’t focus on a single thought. He was vaguely aware of a whisper directed at him. Everything was sharp, but the voice was soft. He tried to focus on it. Tears were still falling freely down his cheeks, and the air could not stay inside his lungs for long, but he saw light. He recognized Phil’s voice. A few words managing to break through the barrier his brain has created.

“Count…. Breathe….Okay….Look,” they began to make sense slowly. He made an effort to do what the other boy told him to. His breathing was settling down slowly, and the view became clearer.

“Yeah, like that. You’re fine Dan.” The older boy said sweetly.

“I-mmm- I…can’t.” Dan choked out.

“Yes you can. Deep breaths.” He tried, but his breathing was still shallow. Sweat was still running down his face. He tried to focus on Phil’s voice that was whispering sweet things in an effort to calm him down.

He was no longer hyperaware of the people staring, or of the screaming teenagers outside. He managed to calm down eventually, and cuddled into Phil’s warm embrace. They stayed like that for a long time, until Dan was breathing normally, and his thoughts were no longer a mess.

“You ready?” Phil asked him. Dan sighed, but nodded slowly.

“It’ll be over soon. I promise.”

“Yeah…Thanks Phil.” said Dan.

“Hey, we’ll be fine. It’ll be fun.”

“I know.”

“Let’s go then.”

They were about to go out into the madness when Dan caught his reflection on a window.  

“Ugh, I look like shit,”

“You look fine,” said Phil smiling sadly,

“I just had a fucking panic attack Phil, shut up,”

“You shut up, you look fine. Really,”

“ My face is red and my hair went all curly. I look like a mess,” Phil sighed but decided against arguing with his boyfriend. Instead, he grabbed their backpack and took out a water bottle and Dan’s llama hat. handing them to the other.

“Thanks,” he said, as he tried to hide the bushy mess inside the llama. Dan was still feeling kind of shaky and spaced out, but he managed to put on a smiled and walked into the crowd.

………………

He ended up keeping the hat, as cringy as it was he just couldn’t bring himself to throw the damn thing away. Dan kept wondering around his bedroom. Papers that he’d put behind the shelves years ago were flooding his floor, and half packed boxes were staring directly at him. He was exhausted and the monotonous task was definitely going to drive him insane at some point. He opened twitter and sat on the messy floor staring at the phone screen without really paying attention to his dash. He could hear Phil packing in the room next to his, humming My Heart Will Go On completely off key. He smiled fondly. and walked over to his piano. Dan began to play the chords of the song, and Phil began to sing louder, his voice was terrible, but Dan kept playing. He could feel the tension going away from his shoulder and a smile growing on his face. Phil walked past Dan’s door. Singing and turning happily.

“Wherever you are and I know…” his voice grew quieter as he walked down the stairs to the lounge, but Dan kept playing. His fingers moved without giving it much thought, it was not their first random rendition of the song and he knew it by heart. His fingers were moving freely, he finished the song, but he did not move. He stared down at the old piano he would be leaving behind and at his big hands. Little scars from various incidents and a thin layer of black nail polish.

………………..

July 24, 2012

The camera was set up, the website was opened and people were tweeting him. He was ten minutes late to the liveshow. Dan started at himself in the mirror one last time, fixed his fringe, took a deep breath and headed to the lounge.  He willed himself to press the button and went live. The chat was already running wild.

YOU’RE LATE

I love you’!!111!

new dinof?

where’s Phil

Are you gay??

He didn’t look at the chat, the beginning was always a mess. He tried to take the conversation to where he wanted it go. Kanye’s new song, the video he filmed that day, the radio show. However, people would always want to talk about something else. Sometimes he would snap at them, but he did try to be nice.

The liveshow was going pretty well, he’d managed to talk about all the things he wanted to, and was just reading the chat; talking about whatever they told him to and reading without processing first.

“Would you ever paint your nails, asked Katie,” he read and then felt his face get a bit warm. He used to paint his nails back in high school. Nail polish and eyeliner went with the emo look he craved back then. Dan loved to do it.  He remembered looking at his hands and smiling at how soft and nice it looked. He couldn’t do it anymore, though. What would people say then?

“I-um. No, i’m not gonna d-do that…. I’m just, mmm not comfortable enough with my sexuality to paint my fingernails,” as soon as he said it Dan realized how weird it sounded. The chat went mad again.

Lol what?

what you mean?

ARE YOU GAY?

Phan!!11!

“I’m joking,  I’m joking” he said, trying to keep his voice steady so that people wouldn’t know he was shaking on the inside. He was mortified. People kept freaking out and he could feel his phone vibrating in his pocket, his twitter going crazy. He gave the camera weak smile and tried desperately to change the subject, but he knew tumblr would be freaking out and the pressure was something he didn’t know if he could handle.

When the liveshow finally ended Dan walked into the bedroom and found Phil scrolling through his phone. The older boy looked up at him and smiled warmly. Something inside Dan broke. Things hadn’t been that great between them, but at the end it didn’t really matter. Dan got into the bed and cuddle with his boyfriend, who hugged him tightly. They did not talk, they barely did at that point, but that didn’t mean they would support each other unconditionally.

Things might be shit, Dan thought, but at least Phil is there.

……………….

He procrastinated his packing for a while, hours went by and Dan kept playing the piano. He stood up eventually, the sky was getting darker and he couldn’t hear Phil running around his bedroom anymore. He began to pack again. He was almost done with the closet. He began looking through his shoes, finding some that he hadn’t worn in years. He really did have a lot of useless crap.He kept looking through his things until he found the running shoes he bought around christmas three years before. He hadn’t use them that much really, but he couldn’t throw some perfectly good shoes away, so he went to put them in the bag with everything else. Maybe he would finally take up running once they moved to the new place.

……………

December 18, 2014

As the two men entered Starbucks Dan wondered how some people could literally blog everyday of their lives. They’d been doing it for a few hours and he was already exhausted. Of course, most daily bloggers don’t have a secret relationship  to hide. It’s not that he didn’t enjoy it. He truly loved his job, but he’d always appreciated his privacy  as well.  They didn’t go outside that much, so they used the opportunity to do all the things that they had been procrastinating for ages. Dan actually enjoyed himself. He’d been dreading that day. He didn’t like the way his voice was a bit higher when the camera was on, the need to be funny at all times. The last time they did a day in the life he was very stressed out, but that day wasn’t like that. It might have been the festive vibes, or the way Phil made sure to record only what was necessary, maybe he was just well rested for a change; for whatever reason Dan actually had a great time. He and Phil walked around London, smiling like idiots, making stupid jokes and bathing in the excitement that the upcoming year would bring them.

It was getting dark and the camera was off. the boys were walking in circles, talking quietly, the back of their hands brushing from time to time.   

“Maybe we should blog it, so that we can look back at all the process when it’s over,” Phil said, excitement clear in his eyes,

“Yeah, we could do that. Upload the video the day the book comes out,”

“It’s weird. the whole book and tour thing,”  

“I’m exhausted just thinking about it,” Dan complained, but Phil could easily tell that the younger boy was looking forward to it,

“What are we even gonna do on tour though? like a meet and greet type thing…”

“I don’t know. I don’t want it to be like a generic vidcon thing anyone would do. A Dan and Phil tour has to be like this weirdly epic stage show extravaganza,” Phil laughed at his boyfriend’s word, a fond smile growing on his face.

“What’s your artistic vision, Dan?” Phil teased,

“It has to be a huge representation of our youtube channels,and our audience, and like have reference to what we are now but also the olde stuff, you know?”

“Yeah…”

“Oh, and it has to end in a musical number,”

“ A musical number?” asked Phil laughing. Dan just nodded.

They talked for a while longer about their plans for the book and the tour. Dan was static but nervousness was beginning to settle in his stomach. The camera was back on, Phil was ranting about something, but Dan was not really listening to what Phil was saying, the boy was daydreaming, thinking about the crazy year that was coming their way. He was still happy, but anxious thoughts about the future were beginning to crawl their way into Dan’s mind. “A musical number? you can’t even walk up the stairs without running out of breath”  he thought. His mind continued going down that path for a bit, but it was not that easy to focus on your existential crisis when you were in the middle of London and your boyfriend was blogging and being a huge dork. Eventually they walked pass a Nike store, and Dan told Phil that he wanted to go in,

“What for?” the older one asked,

“I wanna take up running in 2015,” Phil raised an eyebrow but remained quiet.

“What?” Dan asked, “I wanna be fit for the tour and stuff,”

“I didn’t say anything,” said Phil, following Dan into the store.

……………….

He was finally making progress, most things had already been sorted into one of the messy piles and the floor could be seen again. He walked around the room, picking stuff up and putting it in boxes. He thought he would feel more emotional, but when he looked at the white walls Dan realized that he wasn’t leaving anything behind. All the things that actually meant something to him were going with them, so he kept packing. It was weird to look at the empty walls; the room didn’t feel his anymore and Dan felt more excited that he thought he would, the nostalgia he had been feeling before gone. His thoughts were interrupted by Phil’s voice, shouting from the other end of the flat.

“What?” Dan shouted back and was met with another unintelligible scream. Dan sighed, but kept working on his packing until Phil came into the room, wearing his glasses and the emoji pajamas that Dan hated so much.

“What do you think we should do with the Dil head?” Phil asked,

“Phil, he’s our child we can’t just leave him behind,”  

“ Do we really want to take him to the new place? Where would we even put him?”

“The whole point in moving is that we’ll have more storage,” said Dan,

“I guess, I still don’t think we should take it though,”

“It’s a physical reminder of the tour,” Dan said defensively,

“We made a book to be remind us of the tour,”

“Anyone can buy the book, there’s just one giant head of our virtual son, Philip,”

“Ugh fine, we’ll keep it,” Phil said, trying and failing to seem annoy,

“Thank you,”

…………………..

October 8, 2015

People outside were singing breaking free to the top of their lungs, the crew was walking around screaming and getting things ready, director Ed and Phil were talking in a corner, and Dan was just standing there, freaking out. It was a good kind of panic, though. excitement and fear all coming together. It was exhilarating. He  was fidgeting, over thinking, messing with his hair. It’s actually happening. He heard a woman’s voice. The show was about to begin. He was brought back to reality by Phil whispering in his ear.

“You ready?”

“As ready as I’ll never be. You?”

“I’m just focusing on not falling off the stage,” Dan laughed at that; knowing that Phil just wanted to see him smile.

“It might not happen today, but it’ll happen eventually,”

“Thanks Dan,” Phil said.

Dan smiled, he looked at his boyfriend and at his surroundings. He heard the people freaking out,

“I can’t believe this is actually happening,” said Dan,

“I know, feels like yesterday we were thinking about writing a book and now this is all happening. It’s weird,”

“Yeah it’s surreal,” Dan said and then added, “It’s got to be great,”

“It’ll be amazing,”

“It can go wrong at any moment,”

“It’ll be great even if it does,” Phil reassured him. He looked at Dan lovingly and the latest felt a bit more calmed.

“Thanks Phil,”

The video began playing on the microwave, and the boys went quiet. Their eyes shining. They looked at each other one last time, taking it all in.

Why do you always make cat whiskers on your face?

The crowd screamed and they walked on to the stage.

………………….

The rooms were done. All the memories were packed into boxes and the only thing left were the plain white walls. They didn’t mean anything without the objects that gave them life. Dan was surrounded by emptiness, but his heart had never felt so full. He walked out of the bedroom and saw a bunch of boxes with Phil’s stuff on them; he wondered if Phil had gotten as emotional as he did while packing. It was weird to see the flat so plain, boring. When they first decided to move out Dan thought it would be hard to leave five years of history behind them, but as he walked into the lounge and saw Phil struggling to take the mirror down without breaking it Dan realized that the history was not in the house, it was not in the objects that were going to fill up the new place, it was their history and wherever they go the memories will be.

So Dan helped Phil pack the lounge. They talked and laughed doing it.Together they imagined how their new house would look like. It wasn’t that different to what they already had, all the things that meant something to them were going to be there. They were both going to be there, and even if the objects that surrounded them didn’t change that much they definitely did.

It was April 26, 2017 and Daniel Howell was standing in an apartment that had been his home for five years, his hair was curly, his nails were black, he was wearing a pastel pink shirt that was way too big for him, and he was happy. He was finally comfortable with who he was. He kept packing, and thinking, and packing and thinking until the sound of a camera and of Phil’s soft giggles took him out of his daydream.

“You look like you’ve completely given up,”  Phil said with a smile as he showed Dan the picture he just took of him. Dan laughed as well, looking fondly at Phil,

“I haven’t though, far from it,” he answered.

[surveysonfleek]

583.

5000 Question Survey Pt. 36

3401. How well can you read between the lines when others are talking? it depends how well i know the people talking. 3402. Would you ever speak in front of your peers about peace and social injustice? i’d have to learn a lot more than i already know about it to be confident enough to discuss it. 3403. Where does peace begin? in the masses. 3404. Does America practice the ideals it preaches? If yes when and where? If not, why not? let’s be real, not at all. 3405. In conversations do you assume that you know what will be said? If yes, isn't this a form of closing yourself off to new ideas? no.

3406. In what ways are you closed minded? i do tend to stereotype people in the way they look/dress when i see them for the first time but i’ll always treat everyone equally. 3407. do you prefer beans or rice? rice. 3408. who's a better tv dad?--dr. huxtable (bill cosby) or danny tanner? danny tanner. 3409. detroit or new york? new york, i’ve never been to detroit. 3410. What's your favourite Star Wars movie? none haha. 3411. What's your favourite Star Trek movie? none. 3412. How about Batman? idk. Indiana Jones? idk. Lord of the rings? never watched it. harry potter? i liked the second one. star wars? already asked. 3413. If you could ask one question and one question only to the following people, what would that question be: Saddam Hussain? George W Bush? John Lennon? an alien? how did you come to be and what is the history of your kind? God? Someone you knew who has died? Steven Speilberg? JD Salinger? 3414. Have you seen AI (artificial intelligence)? i have but i hardly remember the plot. If yes, what were the beings at the end of the movie? Do you see this as a possible future for humanity? What'd you think in general? 3415. If a-l-k-a-s-e-l-t-z-e-r spells 'relief' how do you spell: love? happiness? evil? sexyness? yummy? what? 3416. Have you ever been to a Braodway show? yes. What one? the lion king. 3417. Nighttime shows or matines (sp?)? night time. 3418. How are your family get-togethers, loud and rambunctios or quiet and formal? loud, very loud. 3419. Would you be able to survive shippwrecked alone on a desert island? i have no idea. i think i’d last a couple days. 3420. Speaking of islands, does Gilligan EVER get off his? no idea. 3421. What movie has the BEST soundtrack? aladdin. 3422. Do you ever go into chat rooms? If yes, what ones? years and years ago. do they even still exist? 3423. Is english your first language? yes. If not...How you say hello in your language: another word in your language + english translation: boob in your language: 3424. Make up a religion (make it up): no. what would it believe: 3425. Create your own country- Name of country: no. Ethnic background: Language (make it up): Other details: 3426. How would you celebrate these holidays? Dogs in Politics day: Magic circles day: Be bald and free day: National mole day: Syliva plath day: Increase your psychic powers day: Waiting for the barbarians day: Air day: omg no. 3427. -Why do you think Steve got kicked off Blue's Clues: maybe he just got over it? 3428. Hooked on heroin or hooked on phonics? lol wtf. 3429. -Have you ever taken an insanity quiz and said, "Hay, thats a good idea!" nope. 3430. - Have you ever covered yourself in blood and layed down on the side of the road to make it look like you were in an accident? You don't know what you're missing. nope. 3431. Can you flare your nostrils? yes. 3432. -do you want to swim in a vast lake of gatorade? or, any other beverage for that matter? hell no, i’d get sticky af after. 3433. -have you ever sneezed at the same time everyday, consecutively, for over 3 months? nope. 3434. -how did the first person discover that pigs feet would be so good that we call them a delicacy? no idea. i feel like in those days people would try everything they could to see if it were edible. 3435. -why did the first person to ever eat pigs feet eat them? to see if it was edible. 3436. -do you like the idea of 'like father, like son'? it’s not always true. 3437. Put the following musical acts in order from best to worst by numbering them..(1 for best, 2 for 2nd best, etc... 20 for worst). Avril: Ashanti: Joan Jett: David Bowie: the Bee Gees: The Doors: Tool: DMX: Iggy Pop: Creed: Weezer: Ministry: Thursday: Kittie: Adam Ant: Rancid: the Clash: Led Zeppelin: Moby: Tom Waites: not doing this, i haven’t listened to all these artists so it would be hard to judge. 3438. Would you rather be an evil dictator or a sitcom family member? sitcom family member. 3439. What is the wave of the future? technology. 3440. What's your favorite old movie (before 1990)? grease or sound of music. 3441. When someone tells you that their signifigant other lives REally Far Away..do you ever suspect that they are single and making someone up? no. 3442. Alaska or Hawaaii? hawaii. 3443. Why did Kentucky Fried Chicken change their name to KFC? easier to say. 3444. What is there no place to hide from? the truth. 3445. Which makes you happier, giving presents or getting them? giving. 3446. What can you never have just one of? undies. 3447. What comes to mind when you think of Hulk Hogan?/ the wrestler. 3448. What would you be the patron saint of? bath and body works hahaha. 3449. Do you still look at the world with wonder like you did when you were a kid? yes. 3450. For 5 seconds clear your mind. Good. Now write the first thing that you can think of!: the world lol. 3451. When was the last time you ate too much? on friday. omg. 3452. Describe the sexiest person you can imagine: no. 3453. What have you seen that's...bizzare? this drunk girl at a house party on the weekend, just casually chomping on a whole tomato. 3454. Are there any stores or brands or products that yoou boycott? What and why? no. 3455. Do you want things to REALLY get out of control? no. 3456. Are you too tense? sometimes. 3457. Where would you be without love and bubblegum? still here. 3458. Why aren't comic books popular anymore? i feel like they still are. 3459. Think of one friend (who?): my boyfriend. When is the last time you saw each other? yesterday. Do they smoke? yes. Do they believe in God? yes. When you first saw this friend what was your impression? ew. Their age? 26. The top five things you think they think about? me, family, friends, sports, work. 3460. Do you say what you mean? Do you mean what you say? yes. 3461. Could you eat meat if you had to hunt it yourself? if that was the only way i could survive, then yes. 3462. Order from greatest to least importance: spirituality, creativity, intellect, great body, open-mindedness, magicalness, great dancer, interesting dresser, wit and cleverness, niceness, stability no. 3463. Complete the sentence. When a problem comes along You must: try and solve it. 3464. Pick the two most important attributes for food-- fast, cheap, tastey, healthy cheap and tasty. 3465. What do you think is the best metaphor for romantic relationships? (e.g. a car wreck, a cruise): a rollercoaster. 3466. Kittens or no kittens, that is the question. no kittens. 3467. Is gaining 15 lbs in a night possible? i don’t think so? unless it was an operation of some sort. 3468. Do you get emotional watching movies? sometimes. 3469. What amkes you feel nostalgic? looking at old photos. 3470. Do you feel like you've been misplaced? no. 3471. Have you ever fought someone, just for fun? no. 3472. What gives you an adrenaline rush? traveling. 3473. What would you do if you loved someone more than anything else, and you could never have them? try my best to move on. 3474. Rank these events in order of best/most exciting to boring: drinking and dancing to your favorite music at a club: 6 taking a walk in the woods and a bath in a stream: 4 having great sex: 3 winning the lottery (one mil): 1 getting followed home by a stray animal: 9 meeting someone interesting to talk to: 7 seeing your favorite band in concert: 2 seeeing aa broadway show: 5 halloween: 8 3475. Can you keep a secret? yes. 3476. Where is the tenderness? in the heart. 3477. What's one song you REALLY like from the: 30's? 40's? 50's? 60's? 70's? 80's? 90's? 00's? lol idk. 3478. Would you rather have a video phone, an electric scooter, or a digital camera? digital camera. 3479. If a ban on all violent video games was put into effect, would you be outraged by this decision? somewhat. that’s probably more than half the video games out in the market. 3480. In your opinion, is violence in society inescapable? Why or why not? to a degree, yes. there will always be people who can’t control their anger. 3481. Have you ever mimicked a violent “action” from a video game you’ve played towards another person, whether it was to harm or just for play? no. 3482. Do you believe the violent content in video games influences aggressive and/or violent behavior in younger children? to some extent but it really depends on the individual. if they’ve been taught that violence is wrong at a young age they should be fine. there are millions of people, including children, that play violent video games. not everyone turns out violent because of it. 3483. What makes life a bitter sweet symphony? idk. 3484. Name four things that aare AWESOME: sleep, food, money, vacations. 3485. What's the most creative/funny answer you can come up with for this question: What are you doing? nothing lol. 3486. Can you imagine this world going on without you? yes. 3487. Are you the only person who really exists? no. 3488. Is everyone else a figment of your imagination? i hope not. that’d be lonely. 3489. Or are YOU a figment of my imagination? maybe. 3490. Can you prove you exist? How? my birth certificate. 3491. What do you HAve to get off your chest? nothing. 3492. If you cheated on someone would you confess to them? yes. 3493. Is it true that at least 5 people in this world love you so much they would die for you? Who? my immediate family and my boyfriend. 3494. Are you in therapy? nope. 3495. Do you go shopping on black friday? yes.  3496. What is the bane of your existance? rude people. 3497. Better movie: Weird Science or Caddy Shack? none. 3498. Who's the big winner? me. 3499. What are the 3 funniest: music videos? Movies? songs? idk. 3500. Guess what? no.

[emoace616]

Broken Wings- Analogical Fanfiction

Word count~ 2830

At a very young age, Virgil had gone through a rough experience that he would rather forget about. But the event left him scarred, mentally with his trust issues, his bitter attitude and pessimistic outlook on life, the flashbacks he would get and the nightmares that would haunt him, and the walls he built to protect himself, and physically, with cuts and scars still left on his body and his clipped wings, leaving him permanently grounded. He couldn't remember flying, but every day he used to stare up at the sky, longing to see that world that was taken from him. But at this point he accepted that he would never see that, that dreaming about the impossible was pointless.

School was a struggle for him. He had nobody. He was either picked on, ignored, or pitied, and he hated that. He was constantly harassed for his wings, with people grabbing at his and teasing him, or shoving their own into his face or flying around him, mocking him. People acted nice to him either to turn on him or out of pity. And most people ignored everything that happened to him or just ignored his existence. It only made his trust issues worse. He was alone, with no one to care. There were times when he questioned the point, all he ever did was suffer, so why continue only to suffer more? He kept going though. Why? He wasn't sure.

The bell rang as he took another sip of his black coffee. He sighed as he picked up his bag and began to walk to his first class.

As he was walking, he felt a tap in his shoulder. He brushed it off, believing it to be some dick ready to make fun of him.

"Um, excuse me?" A voice he believed to belong to the person who tapped his shoulder spoke up. He wasn't mean or mocking in the way he had spoke, Virgil then came to the conclusion he saw his wings and felt bad.

"Yes?" Virgil asked, in a tone indicating he wasn't in the mood. He didn't want to have his attention drawn to his wings or be reminded of what had happened. He turned to the boy, getting a good look at him.

He was tall- maybe five inches taller than Virgil- and fairly lean, he had a pale complexion, though not as pasty as Virgil, his face was framed by a pair of square glasses, behind them were deep blue eyes, on his back sat a beautiful pair of large, black wings, their tips turning into a dark blue.

"Oh, I apologize if I'm bothering you," he said picking up on Virgil's tone of voice, "It's just, I'm new at this school and I'm struggling to find my first class."

Virgil became a little nicer and was a little less tense, knowing the boy wasn't here for his wings, "No, your not bothering me. Let me see your schedule, I'll help." With that the boy handed him the schedule and Virgil knew immediately where he had to go, "Oh that's my first class too, you can just walk with me, in fact you have quite a few of the same classes as me." Virgil started walking again, the boy following behind him.

"I'm Logan Berry by the way." The boy said, trying to start a conversation.

"Virgil Kage." He wasn't really in the mood to start a conversation with him, even though Logan clearly has no bad intentions, he was still a new person and Virgil still didn't trust him.

As they walked Virgil saw the Logan's attention occasionally drew to his wings, Virgil sighed knowing that Logan would ask about the wings sooner or later and by this point he definitely pitied him.

"You must be the new student I was supposed to get." The teacher says after seeing Logan, "I'll find you a seat and get you started."

Virgil left him with her as he went to go take his seat in the back of the class by himself. He took out his literature homework that was due, his textbook, a pencil and a sketchbook. A few moments later someone came to sit at the desk next to him. He turns to see Logan, laying out the papers the teacher gave him along with a textbook and a pen. Logan turns and gives him a slight smile.

As the teacher started her lecture, Virgil started to sketch and draw, what he was working on, he was not sure yet, he just let the pencil move and draw whatever. He glanced at Logan, seeing him taking notes, but the way he did it was interesting. He wasn't just jotting down important information the was written on the board or presented in the slideshow, it was like he was writing every word the the teacher said, and he never seemed to fall behind despite how fast she had been talking.

About fifty minutes of a lecture the bell was due to ring soon, Virgil looked down at his art. Though not his intention, by the end of class, he had drawn a rough sketch of Logan. Why? He wish he knew. He closed the book and shoved it and everything else into his bag.

"I don't suppose you know where my next class is, do you Virgil?" Logan asked as the bell rung.

"Let me see your schedule again?" Logan handed it to him, "Ah, thats my third period, I can take you there before I go to my class."

"I won't be burdening you at all, will I?"

"Nah, your fine, my next class is relatively close to that chemistry lab anyways."

"Okay, if you say so." Logan remarked as they started walking to his next class.

After a few minutes of silence Vigil spoke up, "So how come you transferred here so late in the year?"

"Oh, I used to live a few towns over but my father received an excellent business opportunity and we had to move here as soon as possible."

"So you had to leave all of your friends behind?"

"Oh, I'm not typically one for making friends. Typically it's easier for me to be alone. Or people just don't like me and find me annoying and either leave me alone or pick on me. Though I did have one friend, and I do miss him terribly."

"Oh? What was he like?"

Logan gave a soft, nostalgic smile, a slight blush creeping across his cheeks, "Patton was soft and sweet and welcoming, he was always smiling and cracking jokes, he was compassionate and caring, welcoming and open. Not to mention beautiful. But he has no phone and no way to keep in touch with him. And my hometown is to far to fl- travel there to see him. I'm afraid I won't be able to see him again and our friendship will have to fade into oblivion.." Logan's expression changed to a more melancholy look for a moment, "But here there is potential to find another person, maybe more. And I already have you, maybe we could be friends."

"I- you'd want to actually be my friend?? Like genuinely? Not to mock me later or just out pity?" Vigil was rather confused by that statement, no one's ever actually wanted to just be is friend.

"Yes. Why would I do it for such awful intentions?"

"I- don't act like you haven't noticed... it's the one thing everyone automatically sees when they see me.." he looked down to the ground, his wings flapping slightly from nervousness.

"I must say, I did notice, but I didn't want to bring it up in case it upset you. But I won't think of you any differently simply because of your wings, and I'm not going to become friends with you only to double cross you like that." Virgil was relieved to hear those words but still, he didn't fully trust Logan, he only met him today and there was no way his intentions truly were pure.

They then arrived at Logan's class, they said goodbye and then Virgil went to his class down the hall, Pre- Calc. It was hell but then again so were all of his advanced classes.

After a few more classes they went to lunch together. Vigil went to his usual place, a table few sat at, Logan set his bag next to him before leaving to get some food, Virgil stayed behind, not being the fondest of eating and preferring the feeling of starving himself.

"You really should eat." Logan told him once he sat down.

"Don't worry, I'll eat when I get home, I just don't like the school's food." Virgil lied.

"Hm. Alright." Logan said, though he wasn't convinced.

The rest of the day dragged on after lunch, they saw each other in a few more classes and Virgil helped Logan with finding every class he needed.

Days went by and those days turned into weeks and weeks to months. Virgil and Logan grew closer and were the best of friends. Virgil trusted him and felt safe with him. He was happy to finally not be alone. Though he felt like he was a burden to Logan. And he didn't want to be weighing him down. He just wanted Logan to be happy, he was so scared that he was stopping him from truly being happy. He cared for him so much and by this point, Virgil was sure that he was falling for him, which scared him even more for a number of reasons. If he were to tell him, he most likely won't feel the same way, if he does feel the same- just the thought made Virgil so flustered- there is a high possibility they'll break each other's hearts in the future, or Logan will realize he didn't love Virgil and could hate him, or Logan could move again and leave him alone. There's too much that could happen, and it scared him so, so much. He tried to stop overthinking but it never stopped, he just tried to enjoy every second with Logan without worrying so much.

Virgil was lying on his bed, smiling as he listened to Logan reading one of his newer science fiction books. He loved listening to him read, his voice was always so calm and smooth, he never stuttered or messed up on words, and whenever he read dialogue his voice changed ever so slightly for each character. It was so calm and peaceful and he loved every second of it. Logan stopped reading for a moment, taking a drink of his tea before continuing again. Virgil kept listening, constantly drinking coffee, trying not to fall asleep. Logan's voice was so calming when he read and so often Virgil fell asleep next to him, he didn't like that he did, but it almost always happened.

As Logan kept reading, his eyelids became heavier and heavier and before long, he fell asleep.

He was in a dark room. He was panicking, he had to get out. How was he stupid enough to trust and listen to these people? Why were they doing this to a small child? Cuts and burns decorated his body as tears poured from his eyes. He frantically flapped his wings hoping he could fly away, but they were sore and clipped. It was no use he was grounded and stuck. He struggled against the tight ropes on his wrists but it only burned his wrists more. He would've screamed for help but his mouth was sealed shut. He kept struggling but two tall figures walked in and stood in front of him. One was taller and seemed more beefy, he had dark green wings and his eyes glowed a bright evil green, he had a big menacing smile. The other was a bit shorter and leaner than the other, though his yellow wings were much bigger, he seemed more calm and less unhinged, but was far meaner, his yellow eyes gleamed, he was far more terrifying than the other. Virgil started violently shaking, with muffled screams of terror as more and more tears fell. The shakes grew more and more until it felt like everything around him was shaking as well. A voice was calling out his name, it was soft and smooth, unlike the harsh voices of the figures in front of him. The voice called for him more and more.

Virgil jumped awake, his body shaking and tears falling from his eyes. He looked up, seeing a scared and worried Logan looking down at him, holding his shoulders, where he was previously trying to shake him awake.

"A-are you okay?" Logan looked so scared, he didn't know what to do. Virgil didn't say anything to reply, more tears welled up as he tightly hugged Logan, still shaking. Though taken aback at first, Logan hugged him back, holding him close. He stroked his dark brown and purple hair and hummed softly, hoping to calm him down.

They stayed like that for a while, Logan holding him as Virgil cried into his chest. Virgil slowly calmed down, finding warmth and comfort with Logan, he felt safe in his arms.

"Are you doing a little better now..?" Logan asked softly, rubbing his back slowly. Virgil nodded into his chest. "Do you want to talk about it..?"

Virgil wipes his eyes before speaking, "It... it's just.. just s-something.. something that h-happened a long.. a long time ago.. its- it's nothing..."

"You were violently shaking, crying, screaming, your wings were flapping enough to lose several feathers. Virgil... that is not what I would call nothing. But I understand if you would rather not talk about it." Logan replied, placing a soft hand on his cheek and looking into his purple and green eyes.

"I.... I just.. just want to forget about.. forget about all of it... I want.. I want to forget them.. and what they... and what they did... but they haunt my dreams and my... my thoughts... I just.. I just want to forget.. I want to fly away..."

"Then why don't we? Let's just forget the nightmare, and let's fly away, escape the world for a bit."

Virgil was taken aback. Did he forgot? Was he just teasing him? It wasn't funny.. "L-Lo... you know I ca-" before he could finish Logan took his hand and opened up his window, leading them to the roof.

"Get on my back. And hold on tight." Virgil was confused but he obeyed. He wrapped his legs around his waist and gripped his shoulders. Logan stretched out his wings, Virgil never noticed just how big they really were. And before he knew it, Logan took off and they were soaring into the sky.

Virgil curled up and closed his eyes tight, he was scared, he hadn't flown in so long, and they were so high in the sky.

"Virge, look." Logan said, feeling how tense he was. Virgil opened his eyes, seeing the clouds and starlight around them and the city lights below them. His eyes were filled with wonder, he laughed and smiled.

He opened up his wings letting the cool air and wind blow through his dark grey and purple feathers. He forgot how amazing this feeling was. He let out a hoot of excitement.

Logan looked up at him, smiling, a soft blush dusting his cheeks as he let out a soft giggle. He flew for about a half hour before feeling exhausted and landing back in his roof.

"Lo! Thank you so so much, you don't understand how much I've missed that feeling, how much I needed that!" He hugged him tightly, a few tears falling because of how happy he was.

Logan hugged him back, smiling, "Your very welcome starlight, I'm glad your feeling better." Virgil blushed at the nickname.

"I-I am." Virgil smiled. He was so happy with Logan and he never wanted this moment to end, "U-um, Lo? Can I tell you something?"

"Yes, of course."

Virgil looked up at him, "I.. I like you. A lot. Not just in a platonic way. You make me feel happy and safe and secure. And I never want to lose you and I never want that feeling to end.

Logan cupped his cheek, smiling sweetly at him, gazing into his eyes, "I feel the same my dear."

Virgil blushed even more at these words, "I.. r-really?" Virgil could hardly believe those words, he never would have though that Logan would ever reciprocate his feelings.

"Really, I have for some time now, I just never realized you felt the same." He smiled at Virgil more, hugging him close.

Virgil hugged him tightly, nuzzling into Logan's chest, he felt so happy, he was in the verge of sobbing.

He could finally be happy without a single worry, knowing Logan would be there if anything were to happen.

A fanfiction I wrote here on Wattpad

[wallkickswillwork]

signal jamming

incoherency is comforting because of the narrative weve been fed our whole entire lives that in order to be palatable media must in some way be complete and have beveled, well-defined edges rather than being a mess of finger paints, bright colors, strange dialogues and verbiage, build trees of moods.

thoughts on: -futuristic anime, 90s anime and the unique sense of mood in toonami shows. they are a very good series of shows for people who are coming of age and who must slowly be forced to reckon with the industrialization and mercenary nature of adult life, as it is increasingly held captive by capitalism. there is also something essentially spiritual about it, especially shows like precure and dbz, where an interior or exterior-made-interior force is responsible for the protagonists' success in the face of an oppressive world-system. under capitalism, it frequently is the case that the entire world or entirety-of-world is against us. heroes must overcome overwhelming odds to leave their mark on a gauntlet of greats. -cowboy bebop, final fantasy 7, metroid as meditations on loss, urbanization, dating back to blade runner. this is a type of meditation that is present in much of cyberpunk, but its also not exclusively cyberpunk, and can extend in nature to non-cyberpunk works.

thinking about necrobarista and how its attempting to "resuscitate" anime, while this approach doesnt really examine what contemporary anime like jojos, precure, and slightly more dated anime like hidaske and nichijou do well. if we get all this tunnel vision for gurren lagann and flcl we can never look forward. i think a lot of the visual work that needs to be done is probably in movies. i think maybe there could be work done to marry cinema proper with its animated counterpart. steven universe seems like it gets it, and there are some anime that really seemed like they got it. i dont think were beyond salvation.

-listening to the whos "tommy" and thinking about how trauma and the humanity of that trauma is experienced and lived-through by the main character in socratic fashion. these stories are discussed by people whose actual, authentic experience of trauma irl is doubtful at best. they are great successes on stage who dont struggle in the sense that an actual victim would struggle. calls to mind how a lot of freuds patients would fabricate csa in order to fulfill the expectations of the therapist. but in other cases, actual patients with csa would repress their experiences or not feel comfortable discussing. so thats how i feel about gurus like meher baba or i guess alan watts. less trustworthy and more like scam artists. i do believe in what they teach, however. i think that a guru can teach the truth even if that guru is a liar. maybe its the truth, but the guru doesnt know it to be true, or else, the way the guru teaches it is untrue.

-for a while i imagined my own autism to be the result of childhood trauma that was repressed, but later emerged that those memories were fabricated, to my knowledge, and was left wondering.

-learning to regard the world with a sense of wonder from media like cowboy bebop and ff7. these worlds are jaded and decaying realities but there is a sense of awe at the vast, uncompromising reality. truly vast, sprawling and yawning cities and vast starry skies up above. beholding these things and beholding the starry skies and huge cities of our own planet surely stirs something in me.

-fantasy anime tends to go the joke route like slayers or else the route of "we are all kids, bro, stuck in an mmo" and i think this is mostly due to the admittedly antiquated setting of high fantasy in european trochets and history which to japanese people probably feel like white person set dressing and as they should, i mean. there are more high fantasy themes in something like inuyasha and japans history can be feudal, edo, the meiji restoration, primordial like princess mononoke, etc, so theres more wiggle room for historical works there. slayers et al is usually reduced to "characters moving around the forest" which is almost like this grand slice of the collective anime consciousness as it stands overlapping with, say, pokemon, to the extent where its one of the cliche anime things everyone thinks about, alongside high school, robots, nurses, etc.

-another thing to which we could probably ascribe the success of something like slayers to is wizardry and by proxy dragon quest. small graph paper monster garden games. the appeal is entirely mathematical so there are only a few directions that anime directors tend to run with it (goofy gag comedy if youre making a show or cut and dried authentic dungeon crawlers with moe characters instead of the usual dbz ones). going off what you definitely learn in japanese history class if youre a japanese student, for starters, there are thousands of years of chinese history, so you have romance of 3 kingdoms type stuff. or you have high school romances accounting for the various fire emblems where the appeal becomes game of thronesy "which of my characters in dragon quest land can i make kiss each other and myself", very good ground to cover as we start asking the important questions. theres samurai stuff as we already know, drawing on years of samurai media, kurosawas films and zen spirituality, art of the blade type stuff, jeet kune do in some instances and reaching so far afield as to probably raise some interesting and important questions about pan-asiatic cultural identity which this author (white) is ill-advised to answer. but reeling it back in, the question mostly being of history, and how a lot of fantasy media draws more from History proper as a codified cultural body than histories being individuated familial experiences. its true that when a work does something unique with history (earthbounds hippy dippy approach to the 1960s, undertales handling of furry culture, yume nikkis south american murals) its tended to be seen as that works "thing" as if because hulk hogan was an all american wrestler that precluded john cena from being same, or at least, embodying a similar if slightly modified niche. nobody can make a hippy dippy rpg now or something because itd just be called an earthbound ripoff rather than a loving homage. and i think thats wrong headed and how genres become stillborn rather than invented and developed upon. we have this vast morass of stuff from the 20th century and we could be developing various 60s, 70s, 80s fantasies. hindsight is 20/20 i guess. who knows, we could see bluff city become something in 50 years time.

i feel this is because of extreme stringent expectations of intellectual property laws and their dissemination into everyday discourse online. i dont really like or agree with monolithic cultural expectations like intellectual property or *shudder* advertising, but only to the extent where i can acknowledge that whether or not i agree with them is irrelevant to their all-consuming scope and the need for marxists to actively combat them. its one thing to say "x is bad" and another to clamor for urgency of fighting x, which is, if you believe what we read every day about global warming, too late, so its not important. nevertheless there are a multiplicity of settings that could be developed into genres and identities and ideologues that rarely are if only because it would be seen as "oh yeah like that other thing". people are fickle and develop dwarflike strange moods when it comes to defining what constitutes original versus hackneyed and derivative. i think its mostly dictated by star signs and the weather.

so lately if you follow me on twitter youve probably noticed im doing sort of a tweet concrete kind of thing where i post plaintext quotes from various media taken out of context. i decided to do this for a while, maybe a few weeks, because aesthetic blogs and the aesthetic style of blogging allow me to pool and channel my energies towards larger and more ambitious styles of writing. i usually get loaded on caffeine during this process and frequently watch large amounts of anime and meditate some. its definitely a process and its geared toward something hazily, vaguely spiritual but with pretentions toward being authentically publishable as theory. the idea also being i would like to make some money to support my livelihood, and i like to write, and am somewhat skilled at it, or at least experienced in kind of a ramshackle homespun sort of way. so if my social media presence is pretty boring and kind of weirdly nostalgic or else contrariwise if you feel it has improved lately thats the reason why that happened.

ive been getting very hazy and foggy mentally lately. i feel like it has to do with caffeination and lack of sleep. its important to get everything flowing properly, and sometimes depression and anxiety make that difficult to do. theres anxiety over unemployment, something im trying to remedy, and theres anxiety over theory and where to proceed next via theory. for years i was a devout buddhist in some ways, and meditated a lot, almost every day. i prayed to the bodhisattvas and copped to buddhist metaphysics, something which, based around personal life experience, i had every reason to believe was true. lately and in my own, strange way, ive begun to question this ideology and interpret it as part of a patchwork of ideologies, each one which attempts to describe a totality, a totality which is rarely if ever described properly by any ideology. grasping at straws in a structural sense, and feeling nonplussed but with no ground to run to, and im back on the boss level in super mario 64 where bowser smashes the ground to make it fall away. attempts at restructuring as this dissolution transpires only serve to create new protocols equal in scope to pre-existing paradigms. and there are plenty of people who dont struggle this much with religion and probably still go to heaven, or think theyre going to heaven, or something. hows marge and the kids. did jerry get that new promotion. mom just got back from vacation in cancun. smalltalk style concerns arising in every day transitionary speech feel distinct and very distant from these kind of hazy, pie in the sky questions. plato never wrote about the kind of stuff you see in a cheers episode. there are philosophy books that try to merge the two, but they usually get shelved in the comedy section.

so its mostly a matter of trying to absorb and contain new information, which abides in abundance, and trying to corral it into sort of a pointing arrow to direct me where to go, in my hewing, a feat not easily done. probably the endgame is in the crafting and solution of art, but what kind of art, and whether i have the tools at my disposal to even create it, is less easily answered. so for now, i guess, im absorbing, waiting, asking questions, and who knows, and who can say.

earliest memories of religion are of the greco roman religion and not knowing about the mystery religious rites but knowing about an abstract concept of wisdom and the ocean and extrapolating the existence of athena and poseidon in that way. later i have memories of exposure to christianity and buddhism and bahai but none of these things feel particularly useful to me at this time in my life. i can more readily receive a picture, a kind of enlarged image, of a broad religious landscape and some of the questions it attempts to provide answers for, or at least, a way of thinking about. the greco roman religion, for instance, is a presentation of a deleuzian multiplicity, and the monotheistic religions are a monad, but i also dont think either of these things can say the other is inherently undesireable. tolerance seems to be the best method, but also, and likewise, not dwelling specifically in any of them. acknowledging they all exist, but not being any of them. enjoying in surfeit the tension between multiplicity and monad. that there can be many things and one thing. like the album cover of dark side of the moon.

[keybangs]

Getting to Know SHINee World

tagged by @jinkisbelly tanks my sami sami~~~

01: How did you get into SHINee? 

oh geez, ok ummmm probably like four or five years ago? I honestly dont remember. So in my city i was a totaly loner when it came to kpop, only into artists like Rain and Big Bang and 2ne1. one day (first day of college) I made friends with this girl i recognized from orientation and when she found out i liked and knew some kpop artists she was like OMFG YOU KNOW KPOP and she was all I HAVE A HARD DRIVE WITH 274069Q5824 ARTISTS LET ME EDUMACATE YOU and i was like yeah cool. so she gave me like ALL of shinee’s stuff, but i was more into all the super junior stuff she gave me. like i would listen to it when it came on shuffle, but i didnt really get into them until I saw the Everybody mv and Sherlock. then i was like the typical fool OMG THEY HAVE A GIRL IN THIER GROUP??? that quickly passed, thanks to God xD but it got me hooked and here we are LOL

 02: Your favorite member in SHINee is?

....... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA idk that one guy kimbam or whatever 

03: Bias wrecker anyone?

 Jinki ......but sometimes taemin when the moon is full........and also jjong when the tide is low ming is my baby dont look at me that way THREE OUTTA FIVE AINT BAD or would that be four outta five. nah, that would be an insult to kibum nvm MOVING ON

04: Your favorite SHINee OTP (if you have one) 

ummmmmmm wow this is awkward. i mean ok like onkey are my old men,  but i just love minkey’s dynamic? DONT QUOTE ME ON THIS 

05: Is there a SHINee ship you don’t like?

*looks into the camera like im on the Office* i mean we dont have all day ........okay, see the deal is, i dont dislike any ships. i dislike what fandom has done to many ships. 

06: The SHINee member you think is most easily shipped

idk i mean im not really a big shipper. the others just happened ok lmao 

07: Your favorite Korean song by SHINee

easily has to be Hello. it just gives me light yellow feels if that makes sense. like summer walks and ice cream carts 

08: Your favorite Japanese song by SHINee

KLJDFBGPAIUWEAHFDAZZLINGGIRLKZHLFBSJLJKSDS you can quote me on that i mean thats basically how i react to that song so

09: Favorite album

deffinitely Odd. it reminds me of summers in California 

10: Your favorite live performance

Eeek, i mean i dont really watch many live performances :3333 but shinee is bomb as hell like the live performances that stick out in my mind are Symptoms and Picasso? but i mean who are we kidding. the boys work

11: First SHINee MV you saw

I cant remember which was the first but my earliest memory was Sherlock so imma say that lol 

12: Your first impression of SHINee

Balady songs I wasnt really into. tbh a lot of shinee’s style grew on me. i wasnt really into them at first at all

13: Is there a SHINee member that recently impressed you?

ok, it’s not because im biased guys i fucking swear, but kibum in drinking solo for sure. when i heard he was in a drama i was honestly worried. theater people are often too, theatrical (sorry for the redundancy) for screen acting, but he was like a fish to water. i was blown away honestly. he’s someone that approaches every task with a fresh mind to do his best and it’s honestly inspiring to me. 

14: The SHINee member you think has changed the most over the years

hmmmm...am i allowed to have two? imma have two....first taemin because it’s the most obvious i guess. he was the awkward kid that everyone thought would be the lead dancer forever and nothing more. now the kid’s had multiple solos and exhibits a confidence that only comes from having the influence of four strong men in his life to steer him right.....and second, minho, in my opinion. for so long he was stuck in the persona that SM forced on him, but in recent years he has shown more of his authentic self. even if it’s just the face he smiles more and his laughs are boisterous and unrestrained. we see a more authentic person off AND on stage who is sweet and tender (sounds like im talking about food lol oops) and unafraid of his true self and that’s pretty fucking awesome. 

15: The SHINee member you think has changed the least

ummm, well, and this is NOT  a bad thing to me, but I think Jinki. he’s always been a stable force within the group, and maybe he has changed personally in his private life, but the same strong leader is still present for all the members whenever they need him. even if he is too modest at times and feels lacking. 

16: Your favorite SHINee MV

this question seems out of place :/ ummmmm still Hello lol xD i have the mv and when it comes on shuffle i literally have to drop what im doing to watch it lol

17: Your favorite SHINee lyric

ring ding dong ring ding dong ring dingy ding dingy ding ding ding IM NOT EVEN KIDDING it always makes me smile, and RDD was the first kpop song my mom heard and she loved it immediately and said it was so cute that I had that part as my ring tone for like a year lmao 

18: The SHINee member you think has the best face

*is once again looking into the camera like on the Office*

19: The SHINee member you think has the best body

*WAILS IN PAIN* jinki 

20: The SHINee member you think has the best personality

IM STEALING SAMIS ANSWER shinee 

21: A SHINee picture that makes you smile

IM BIASED OK but i mean they all look so chill and etherial also ok 

22: A SHINee picture that makes you nostalgic idk i couldnt think of one tbh :3 

23: Your favorite quote by someone in SHINee

“I hit things when im scared” -kim kibum im sorry im tired and thats the first that came to mind and apparently he said it so there

24: A picture of your bias with someone else you like in another group

kibum and jeonghan buT ALSO DAMN BABE DID I MISS THIS  ONE KIMBAM LOOKS FINE AS HELL i mean when does he not BUT 

25: Have you seen SHINee live?

NO DAMMIT I HAVE NOT ;-; but i was fortunate enough to see Jjong at Suwon Super Concert when i was in Korea during She Is era THE COTTON CANDY PINK YALL omggggg good times ;-;

26: Do you have a favorite variety show moment?

I dont really watch variety shows :3 um but, that one Chinese one where they had to play that game that was like red light green light but with food xD and taemin inhales that orange and jinki gives zero fucks and kibum’s precious head shake as he has mayonnaise on the corner of his mouth and i just yeah wow 

  27: How would you describe SHINee in three words?

family, talent, real 

28: Which SHINee video would you show to someone who has never heard of them before?

Sherlock, because it’s honestly one of my favorite kpop dances of all time. i love the technicality and precision.

 29. Is there a memory in connection to SHINee that you will always treasure?

wow, i think just meeting the amazing people i have thorugh them. i literally have friends all over the country, and world thanks to them. it’s not necessarily a memory, but im definitely grateful. 

30: If you could tell SHINee anything you wanted…what would that be?

first, i would have to thank them for the amazing work they do. they travel across the world at the drop of a hat with little to no rest and still perform for us like it’s the only thing in the world they could want. I would take them each aside and tell them the amazing qualities, talent and personality, about them i love and admire. i would tell them that their youth and vibrancy reminds me to be young and that it’s ok to free myself sometimes from the shit that brings me down in life. im not one to say that a band “saved” my life, but i would be sure as hell to tell them it feels like they’re the only thing keeping me sane sometimes. each one of them, bias or not, inspires me to be more than i am and that’s really fucking cool and i hope they can feel my vibes even if i never get that chance to meet them.  

well that took me nearly an hour and a half thanks sami im exhausted now omfg ㅎ_ㅎ ㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠ ok im ok ANYWAYS 

let’s tag EVERYONE to do this hell post and take hours out of thier life to talk about these dorks. gabby out

[surveystodestressme]

156.

5000 Question Survey Pt. 36

3401. How well can you read between the lines when others are talking?

it depends

3402. Would you ever speak in front of your peers about peace and social injustice?

probably not

3403. Where does peace begin?

within

3404. Does America practice the ideals it preaches? If yes when and where? If not, why not?

no

3405. In conversations do you assume that you know what will be said? If yes, isn’t this a form of closing yourself off to new ideas?

sometimes but it depends on who i am talking to and what the convo is about

3406. In what ways are you closed minded?

i stereotype sometimes and don’t stray far from it

3407. do you prefer beans or rice?

rice.

3408. who’s a better tv dad?–dr. huxtable (bill cosby) or danny tanner?

danny tanner.

3409. detroit or new york?

never been to either

3410. What’s your favourite Star Wars movie?

the first one

3411. What’s your favourite Star Trek movie?

never seen any of them

3412. How about Batman? never seen any of them

Indiana Jones? ^

Lord of the rings? the first one

harry potter? prisoner of azkaban

star wars? already asked.

3413. If you could ask one question and one question only to the following people, what would that question be:

Saddam Hussain?

George W Bush? 9/11, whaddup with that?

John Lennon?

an alien? how did you come to be?

God? are you real?

Someone you knew who has died? what’s it like when you die?

Steven Speilberg?

JD Salinger?

3414. Have you seen AI (artificial intelligence)? nope

If yes, what were the beings at the end of the movie?

Do you see this as a possible future for humanity?

What’d you think in general?

3415. If a-l-k-a-s-e-l-t-z-e-r spells ‘relief’ how do you spell:

love? jack

happiness? sunflowers

evil? lemons

sexiness? jennifer anniston

yummy? food

3416. Have you ever been to a Broadway show?

nope

What one?

-

3417. Nighttime shows or matinees?

nighttime

3418. How are your family get-together, loud and rambunctious or quiet and formal?

loud, very loud.

3419. Would you be able to survive shipwrecked alone on a desert island?

probably not

3420. Speaking of islands, does Gilligan EVER get off his?

no idea.

3421. What movie has the BEST soundtrack?

i don’t know off the top of my head

3422. Do you ever go into chat rooms? If yes, what ones?

i used to when i was much younger

3423. Is english your first language? yes.

If not…How you say hello in your language:

another word in your language + english translation:

boob in your language:

3424. Make up a religion (make it up): people have already done plenty of that

what would it believe: anything

3425. Create your own country-

Name of country:

Ethnic background:

Language (make it up):

Other details:

3426. How would you celebrate these holidays?

Dogs in Politics day:

Magic circles day:

Be bald and free day:

National mole day:

Syliva plath day:

Increase your psychic powers day:

Waiting for the barbarians day:

Air day:

3427. -Why do you think Steve got kicked off Blue’s Clues:

i think it was for drugs

3428. Hooked on heroin or hooked on phonics?

what????

3429. -Have you ever taken an insanity quiz and said, “Hay, thats a good idea!”

no

3430. - Have you ever covered yourself in blood and layed down on the side of the road to make it look like you were in an accident? You don’t know what you’re missing.

nope.

3431. Can you flare your nostrils?

yup

3432. -do you want to swim in a vast lake of gatorade? or, any other beverage for that matter?

that sounds awful

3433. -have you ever sneezed at the same time everyday, consecutively, for over 3 months?

not that i know of

3434. -how did the first person discover that pigs feet would be so good that we call them a delicacy?

same way people discover other things would be good, eating them

3435. -why did the first person to ever eat pigs feet eat them?

because they were hungry probably

3436. -do you like the idea of 'like father, like son’?

i don’t have an opinion either way

3437. Put the following musical acts in order from best to worst by numbering them..(1 for best, 2 for 2nd best, etc… 20 for worst).

Avril: 2

Ashanti: 3

Joan Jett:

David Bowie: 8

the Bee Gees:

The Doors: 7

Tool:

DMX:

Iggy Pop:

Creed: 5

Weezer: 1

Ministry:

Thursday:

Kittie:

Adam Ant:

Rancid:

the Clash:

Led Zeppelin: 4

Moby:

Tom Waites: 6 only counted the ones i know

3438. Would you rather be an evil dictator or a sitcom family member?

sitcom family member.

3439. What is the wave of the future?

technology.

3440. What’s your favorite old movie (before 1990)?

the breakfast club

3441. When someone tells you that their significant other lives Really Far Away..do you ever suspect that they are single and making someone up?

nope

3442. Alaska or Hawaaii?

alaska

3443. Why did Kentucky Fried Chicken change their name to KFC?

it’s shorter

3444. What is there no place to hide from?

time

3445. Which makes you happier, giving presents or getting them?

giving.

3446. What can you never have just one of?

kitchen cooked potato chips

3447. What comes to mind when you think of Hulk Hogan?/

the wrestler.

3448. What would you be the patron saint of?

idek what that means

3449. Do you still look at the world with wonder like you did when you were a kid?

sometimes

3450. For 5 seconds clear your mind. Good. Now write the first thing that you can think of!:

greys

3451. When was the last time you ate too much?

a couple days ago

3452. Describe the sexiest person you can imagine:

i don’tneed to, i can just imagine it

3453. What have you seen that’s…bizzare?

several things

3454. Are there any stores or brands or products that you boycott? What and why?

not off the top of my head

3455. Do you want things to REALLY get out of control?

no.

3456. Are you too tense?

i can be

3457. Where would you be without love and bubblegum?

right where i am

3458. Why aren’t comic books popular anymore?

people don’t want to read anymore, i guess

3459. Think of one friend (who?): my boyfriend.

When is the last time you saw each other? today

Do they smoke? no

Do they believe in God? no

When you first saw this friend what was your impression? i thought he was really cute

Their age? 22

The top five things you think they think about? motorcycles, computers, me, video games, work

3460. Do you say what you mean? Do you mean what you say?

yes.

3461. Could you eat meat if you had to hunt it yourself?

yeah, if i had to

3462. Order from greatest to least importance: spirituality, creativity, intellect, great body, open-mindedness, magicalness, great dancer, interesting dresser, wit and cleverness, niceness, stability

intellect, niceness, open-mindedness, stability, wit & cleverness, creativity, spirituality, interesting dresser, magicalness, great body, great dancer

3463. Complete the sentence.

When a problem comes along You must: solve it

3464. Pick the two most important attributes for food– fast, cheap, tasty, healthy

tasty & healthy

3465. What do you think is the best metaphor for romantic relationships? (e.g. a car wreck, a cruise):

a rollercoaster.

3466. Kittens or no kittens, that is the question.

kittens

3467. Is gaining 15 lbs in a night possible?

no

3468. Do you get emotional watching movies?

all the time

3469. What makes you feel nostalgic?

looking at old photos.

3470. Do you feel like you’ve been misplaced?

no.

3471. Have you ever fought someone, just for fun?

no.

3472. What gives you an adrenaline rush?

carnival rides

3473. What would you do if you loved someone more than anything else, and you could never have them?

move on.

3474. Rank these events in order of best/most exciting to boring:

drinking and dancing to your favorite music at a club: 6

taking a walk in the woods and a bath in a stream: 8

having great sex: 5

winning the lottery (one mil):  1

getting followed home by a stray animal: 4

meeting someone interesting to talk to: 7

seeing your favorite band in concert:  3

seeeing a broadway show: 9

halloween: 2

3475. Can you keep a secret?

yes.

3476. Where is the tenderness?

in the heart.

3477. What’s one song you REALLY like from the:

30’s?

40’s?

50’s? good golly miss molly

60’s? sugar, sugar

70’s? dancing queen

80’s? livin on a prayer

90’s? no diggity

00’s? oops i did it again

3478. Would you rather have a video phone, an electric scooter, or a digital camera?

electric scooter

3479. If a ban on all violent video games was put into effect, would you be outraged by this decision?

absolutely because it’s ridiculous

3480. In your opinion, is violence in society inescapable? Why or why not?

yeah

3481. Have you ever mimicked a violent “action” from a video game you’ve played towards another person, whether it was to harm or just for play?

no.

3482. Do you believe the violent content in video games influences aggressive and/or violent behavior in younger children?

yeah, i feel like moreso on people who are too mature to understand.  i don’t think children should play violent video games because i don’t really think they can handle it.

3483. What makes life a bitter sweet symphony?

idk.

3484. Name four things that are AWESOME:

sleep, my family, having a roof over my head, and food

3485. What’s the most creative/funny answer you can come up with for this question: What are you doing?

watching greys anatomy... not really creative or funny but that’s what i’m doing

3486. Can you imagine this world going on without you?

yes.

3487. Are you the only person who really exists?

nope

3488. Is everyone else a figment of your imagination?

nope

3489. Or are YOU a figment of my imagination?

maybe.

3490. Can you prove you exist? How?

yes, my birth certificate.

3491. What do you HAve to get off your chest?

nothing at the moment.

3492. If you cheated on someone would you confess to them?

yes.

3493. Is it true that at least 5 people in this world love you so much they would die for you? Who?

yeah, i guess so?  my siblings, parents, and boyfriend

3494. Are you in therapy?

i used to be a while ago

3495. Do you go shopping on black friday?

nope

3496. What is the bane of your existence?

rude people.

3497. Better movie: Weird Science or Caddy Shack?

weird science

3498. Who’s the big winner?

me.

3499. What are the 3 funniest:

music videos? i don’t watch a lot of music videos

Movies? horrible bosses, 22 jump street, we’re the millers

songs? nightmare on my street, cotton eye joe

3500. Guess what?

no.