#can we get some better coordination here please? Just a little bit?

[reminiscentrainclouds]

Thanks bus system, now I'm gonna be late to my final 😒

[eternalsams]

Irresistible ➻ Miguel O'Hara

pairing: Miguel O'Hara (Spider-Man 2099) x Black Cat (fem)!reader

warning/content: violence, so much sexual tension, swearing, actual plot, mention of nudity, no mention of y/n (gets called Kitty a couple of times), some heavy make out sess

summary: Miguel is sent in your world where there is no Spider-Hero to help him, you're the only person he knows there and good thing for him, you can help him. Bad thing for him, you won't stop taunting him.

words count: 3.7k

a/n: English isn't my first language, so please take that into your consideration

"We don't need her, Lyla." Miguel groans at her as he walks through the lobby. "No, we don't. But you do." Lyla pops up on Miguel's shoulder with a grin. "Come on, she'll be of a great help, she knows her world better than anyone else here. Better than you." The little lady has a point, he had to admit it. He only visited a couple of times but didn't stay long enough to know his way into the thousands of cities. The only problem is that you were a pain in the ass for Miguel. Even though you were doing your job pretty fine, you were always torturing him with your constent teasing and flirting. It was just in your nature to annoy him. As another door opens before him, Miguel notices Hobie lying on a wooden box, fidgeting with his guitar. "Why don't we send Hobie there? I don't wanna see her and I'm pretty sure they would make a good pair." He grumbled before tapping on a screen for the last details. Lyla pops back up in front of him and crosses her little arms on her chest. "Because, you and I both know that they would make a too good pair. You can still focus when you're around her and you can discipline her as well." She chuckles, her laugh echoing in the lobby. "Is this about your kitty cat again?" Hobie chuckles as he tilts his head back and looks at his boss upside down. "Don't call her that." Miguel growls before setting the right coordinates on his watch and opening a portal. He puts his mask on and turns to Lyla. "You coming with me?" He asks her and she steps back. "Nah, I'm good here. Have fun with her!" She wiggles her little fingers in his direction before disappearing. Miguel sighs and steps through the portal, immediately feeling the rain pouring down on him. "Great..." He sighs and closes the portal behind him before jumping off the rooftop into a dark alley. He checks if anybody saw him and retracts his mask before changing into more casual clothes. That means old sweat pants, a white t-shirt and a sweater. He pulls the hoodie to cover his head and stuffs his hands in his pockets before walking down the streets. The neon lights lighting the dark streets and leading him to the place he knew you'd be.

When he finally recognizes your place he walks up the couple steps of your porch and hesitates knocking on your door. He knew how much you'd tease him for coming for your help. But when he checks his watch and sees the little time before the anomaly in this world would happen, it pushes him to knock on the door. He takes a few steps back and sinks back his hand into his sweater pocket. The door opens and he immediately regrets coming to you when he sees your smirk. "Well, well, well... Spidey." You lean on your door and run a hand in your white hair before crossing your arms on your chest. He says nothing, he doesn't need to, you already know why he's here. But you still ask. "Why can i do to please you?" He visibly grimaces at your choice of words and looks away. "I need your help..." He whispers under his breath. You perfectly hear him but that wouldn't be fun for you. "What was that? I can't hear you with the rain." You say as you cup your ear and lean a bit forward. He groans and looks back at you. "I need your help." He says more distinctively. You grin and steps back into your house. "Come in, then." You wait for him to pass the door and close it behind you. "I don't have the time for your little games." He says as he inspects his surroundings, making sure you won't trap him one way or another. He was used to it by now. "I know. But I'm pretty sure I can't really fight bad guys like this." You point to yourself and he seems to finally notice how you're dressed. Or how undressed you are. You're only wearing some loose shorts and a black tank top. And he didn't need to stand closer to see you didn't wear anything underneath. He quickly looks away as you make your way to your room to change into your suit. He uses this alone time to put back on his spider-suit and when he glances over at your room, he notices you left your door slightly open. On purpose. He can see you taking off your top and revealing your toned back, he could almost see the curve of your breast if you turned slightly to your right. He quickly looks away and clears his throat, checking for the umpteenth time his watch. "We don't have much time." He calls for you and you step out of your room, your combat goggles in hand. You look at him up and down, visibly satisfied by the sight in front of you. "Wow, looking good, Spidey! Have you been working out since the last time I saw you?" You run your fingers along his broad shoulders and down his firm chest. "Not your business. Can we focus on the mission?" You let out a faux-sigh and sit down on the table, rubbing purposely your foot along his thigh. He stares at you and looks down at your foot touching him. "Yes? Am I distracting you?" You ask with that oh so annoying smirk that get on his nerves. He swats your foot away with a grunt and makes appear a screen in front of you from his watch. "Micheal Morbius from Earth-386 decided to get too close to the multiverse doors and spread chaos around him." He informs you. "Any victim yet?" You ask, now focused on the mission. "No, only calls and damages. But I've already encountered one of them. They don't wait too long before shedding blood."

"Alright, where do you think he is now? And the most important question is, why do you need me with this? If it's only Morbius, you can take care of him by yourself. Hobie told me you've dealt with him before and it went great." You frown and jumps down from the table, looking around your living room to find something to tie up your hair. "How do you know Hobie?" He frowns and turns to you. "Wouldn't you like to know, Handsome..." You glance at him and smirk, tying up your hair and maintaining eye contact with him. Miguel bites the inside of his cheek to stop himself from cursing and looks away. "Morbius is mostly looking to feed off someone so maybe somewhere with some crowd where he wouldn't be too suspicious. Do you have any idea?" He eventually asks you. "Oh, so that's why you need me. You're like a lost puppy here." You laugh and he stares at you, telling you silently to focus back on the mission. "I have an idea where he might be, but you won't like it." You shrug and grab your keys before dropping them in a little pocket on the inside of your suit. Miguel raise an eyebrow at the action but doesn't say anything. "As much as I like seeing you in that suit, you'll need casual clothes for where we're going. "I already have casual clothes." You look at the pile of clothes he took off a little earlier and look back at him. "My grandma could wear this, this is not casual. Wait here..." You say as you walk back to your room. Miguel sighs and checks another time his watch, seeing the anomaly would soon happen if you didn't hurry up. You come back with a pair of jeans way too big for you and toss it at him before giving him a button down shirt. "Wear this. I'll wear something similar. We won't be recognized." Just as he was about to ask you something, you grab another pair of jeans and put them on over your suit. "Won't be very comfortable but if we need to change quickly, it's better." You grab a shirt and put it on, Miguel still staring at you. "Come on, Handsome! We don't have whatever you're doing." You grin and tap gently on his chest as he puts on his pants. You hear him groan and walk to the door, Miguel on your tracks, buttoning up his shirt. "You look great, honey." You smirk at him as you straighten his collar. "Where did you get those clothes?" He asks you, readjusting himself in the tight pants. "You don't wanna know." You smile up at him and pat his cheek before he fakes a smile when he opens the door to let you out first. "If you needed an excuse to look at my ass, that's a terrible one" You chuckle and pull you fur hood over your head. "So... Where to?" Miguel asks as he closes your door behind him and walks down the steps. You wrap your arm around his and start walking down the street. "I hope you don't have sensitive ears, Spidey. 'Cause you're about to hear some loud music." You look up at him and intertwine your fingers with his.

Miguel winces at the loud music around him, and just like you said, he didn't like it. He looks at you ordering a drink and you turn to him. "I guess you didn't bring your wallet with you. You want something to drink?" You ask him, leaning to his ear so he could hear you. To be honest, he could hear you even if you were standing at the other end of the club if he wanted but you wanted to be that close to him and he hated it. He doesn't respond and just stares at you. You turn back to the bartender and smile at him. "He'll take a water. Thanks." You slide a ten dollars bill on the counter and wink at the guy before turning back to Miguel. "We're supposed to stop Morbius, not get drunk." He scolds you, grabbing you by the arm. "I know, I know. Will you please let me go, people look at us strange." You grit through your teeth, that was the only thing you didn't like about him. He had a stick up his ass. He complies and grabs the glass of water the bartender hands him. You slightly smirk when he empties the glass in one go and sets it back down on the counter before grabbing your wrist and leading you over where the people where dancing. "You wanna dance, Spidey?" You tease him with a chuckle. "No." He simply says and keeps walking to the private tables in the back of the club. You notice a security guy looking at you weird and you trip purposely, holding yourself on Miguel's shoulders and giggling. He turns back at you and frowns, you only had one drink and he made sure it wasn't that strong, there was no way you could be drunk. He grabs you by the waist and makes you straighten up, looking at you in the eyes. "What's wrong?" He asks, worry painted over his face. You smirk a bit and his concern drops immediately. "I'm great, we just have to act normal." You explain but don't let go of his shoulders, holding him even closer. "And acting drunk is normal to you?" He raises an eyebrow. "In a club? Yeah, definitely. Come on, Handsome, take a seat." You pats his cheek because you know how much he hates it and push him a bit. "Wha-" He can't ask you anything and end up sitting down on a couch arm rest, you on his lap. "What are you doing?" He asks through gritted teeth. "Fading in." You smile and brush a few locks away from his face to look into his red eyes. "Use that Spidey sense of yours and find that vamp, will ya?" He clears his throat and wraps awkwardly his arms around you, closing his eyes and trying to focus on anything but the loud music and your ass rubbing on his crotch. He quickly re-opens his eyes and grabs your hand before leading you towards a table where a single guy was accompanied by three women. You tap Miguel's chest, making him understand you got this. You approach the table and untie your hair. "Hi. Is this the party I've been hearing about?" You ask innocently and you lock eyes with the guy. He stands up and you get a proper look at him. He's got long black hair, you can't really see his eyes but can definitely notice how dark they are. He's tall and skinny, but not the attractive way. "You're at the right place, sweetie." He smiles at you and you notice how chapped his lips are. He extends his hand to you and you take it before quickly pulling on it and punching him in the face.

The girls at the table scream and leave but you don't let go of Morbius's hand, not wanting to let him run away. Miguel is quick to join you and as he was about to yell at you for being so reckless, Morbius pulls on your hand, making you trip and you eventually drops his hand to roll on the floor and catch yourself up. You groan and take off your shirt before putting on your mask and shooting your grappling hook to the ceiling. You swing back to Morbius while Miguel make everyone leave the club. Your feet collide violently with the vampire's head and when you look back at Miguel, he's ripping off the shirt you gave him, revealing his spider-suit. He doesn't even care about his mask and stay exposed. He shoots his web to trap Morbius and struggles to keep him still. You grab a little bottle on your belt and remove the pin before jumping towards Miguel and tackling him behind one of the couch. The gas bomb you just set off explodes and you hear Morbius cough a little before he groans. "Fuck! I thought that would stop him." You grumble and roll off of Miguel before standing up. You look at your co-worker and notice his fangs. You've only seen them once and when you asked him about them, he ignored you. So you never asked again. You had your sensitive subjects and he had his. Miguel growls and jumps at Morbius before giving him a punch in the face and sliding his talons over the vampire's shoulder. You take advantage of his weakness to run behind him and wrap your arm around his neck, locking him against you. He struggles in your arms and Miguel approaches. "Move your arm." He says in a deep voice, making you comply. "He grabs Morbius by his hair, making him wince and lean over to his neck before sinking his fangs into his skin. You grimace slightly and you feel Morbius go limp in your arms. Miguel leans back and you look at him, curious. "What did you do to him? Did you kill him?" You let the vampire fall on the floor and notice his still open eyes. "Ew, dude, you're fugly." Your comment makes Miguel slightly smile before he quickly get back serious. "I paralyzed him." He simply says before tapping on his watch. A portal opens before your eyes and your lips part in awe. You knew where he came from but you've never seen where he came from. Miguel leans down and picks up the limp Morbius before throwing him over him shoulder. He was about to step into the portal before he stops and turns back to you. "You wanna come check it out?" He asks and you try to hide your excitement. "After you, I wanna check you out when you walk in front of me." You say and he chuckle, making you smile.

He steps into the portal and gets back into the lobby where Hobie is still playing with his guitar. "Don't you have something better to do?" He asks the younger man as he drops Morbius on the ground. "Oh, you're not dead. How did it go with your kitty cat?" Hobie asks, rolling down to stand up as he slides his guitar in his back. "Hello!" Your voice echoes in the lobby as you step through the portal before it closes and Hobie smirks. "I see it went well since we don't usually accept cats here." He chuckles and walks to you before shaking your hand. "Good to see you, Kitty." You smile at him and look around you, admiring the place Miguel founded all these years ago. "Welcome back!" Lyla pops up in front of Miguel and cocks her head to the side to glance at you. "I see the mission went well." She smiles at him. "It did? And ask Ben to take Morbius back to his world and make sure he stays there." He orders and Lyla nods before disappearing. Miguel turns back at you and quickly glance at Hobie. "I still don't know where you know him from and I'm not sure I wanna know." He pinches the bridge of his nose before he grabs something on a shelf and launches it at you. "Put this on or you won't feel good for long." You look down at the bracelets in your hands and put it on without asking any question. "Alright, come with me now." He leaves the lobby and steps into an elevator. You follow him and the whole way up is spent in complete silence. Neither of you dare to speak. Until you open your mouth. "We make a good team." You slightly smirk as you glance at him. "We do." He simply responds. "We should work together more often." You nudge him with your shoulder. "I don't think that's a good idea, actually." You roll your eyes out, the stick up his ass is back and went even deeper. "You're right, there's some things I do better alone." You look right in front of you and you can see from the corner of your eyes Miguel looking at you but not saying anything. "Some things?" He asks, raising his eyebrows. You hum in response and smirk at him. "Some things." You confirm. You hear him quietly chuckle and he shakes his head. "You're really something else." He murmurs under his breath. "Well, I hope I am. You spend your days with different versions of you, I do hope I'm different form you guys." Your fingers start grazing his and he looks down at your hand before looking back up at you. "Don't." You turn to him and take a step closer. "Why?" Your fingers play with the hem of his suit at his neck. You see his Adam's apple slightly bob and a smile stretches your lips. "Just don't." He repeats. You nod but don't step back.

"Kitty..." He says as a warning. "You've never called me that before." You cock your head to the side and play with his fingers. "Kitty." He says more sternly. "Spidey." You respond and that's the final stroke. He grabs you by the neck and smashes his lips on yours, taking you by surprise. You can feel his fangs nibble at your bottom lip and a mix of a grunt and a moan escapes you. He pushes you against the glass behind you and runs his hands along your body. That body that kept teasing him and he couldn't forget for years. He really did try to control himself as long as he could but you made it so hard for him to focus on the mission when you're constantly teasing him. He feels your fingers runs through his locks and tug at his hair, keeping him close to you. His tongue lick across your lips and you part them, finally tasting him after all those years. And does he taste good! One of your hands runs down his neck and holds onto his shoulder, trying to get him closer. His hands leave your face and go straight to your ass, kneading at the flesh. Your ass was just like he imagined it, you worked hard for your body to look like that and he wanted to feel every defined muscles under his eager fingers. He grabs you behind the knees and taps the back of your thighs. "Jump." He says between kisses and you comply, wrapping your legs around his waist. Your back against the glass wall of the elevator and your chest flush against Miguel's. You could feel all of him against all of you and it was intoxicating. The singular ding of the elevator makes Miguel drop you back on the floor and he rests his forehead against yours, panting. His red eyes looking directly into yours. Your heart beating so fast and hard against your chest it hurts. The doors open and Miguel's body mostly hides yours, so the person stepping in knows he's not alone but can't recognize you. "Having some good company there?" Miguel recognizes Ben's voice and he can practically hear the smirk in his voice. "I don't remember asking you anything." Ben's smirk drops and he clears his throat. "Lyla told me about Morbius, where is he?" He asks. "In the lobby." Miguel responds, still looking deeply into yours eyes and hiding you from the other Spider-Man in the elevator. You can't help but smile and you try to contain it by biting down on your lip. Miguel runs his tongue over his teeth to hide his smile too and drops his head on yours, his breathing finally steady. He looks back up at you and opens his mouth, looking for the right words. "We'll talk." He mouths to you and you nod, grabbing a handful of his suit and kissing him deeply before you heard another ding from the elevator. The doors open and you slip out of there, trying not to make any eye contact with Ben. "Was that that cat girl Hobie talks about?" The other Spider-Man can't help himself but ask his boss. Which earns him a glare from Miguel. "Take care of Morbius." He says before following you.

[musubi-sama]

Shopping with Kento

A happy little shopping trip with your dear husband and some suggestive banter.

Walking along the covered sidewalk, you and Kento peek into stores and eye up the products. Stores filled with chopsticks, kitchen apparel, knives, plates, industrial-sized cooking vessels.

Ah, this looks promising! Pulling your husband into a cramped and densely-packed store filled with long, tall shelves filled with all manner of kitchen utensils and wares.

Quickly losing Kento as you slipped past patrons, you are caught up examining a collection of chopstick rests. You reach for a pair of adorable dinosaurs, a wooden triceratops and a coordinating brachiosaurus.

SLAP

A surprise slap hits your ass and you let out a muffled moan, dropping the mini dinosaurs as you clasp a hand on your mouth. Furiously looking around, you snap your head and spot Kento with a small smirk on his face.

“May I help you?” you ask, feeling a warm flush through your ears.

“Just testing out the wares,” he looks over your shoulder at the dinosaurs. “I’d like to get a new spatula and multi-taksers are a far superior choice.”

“Multi-tasking?”

“Those are adorable, pick out two you like. I’m going to look downstairs.”

Kento turns on his heel and walks off. You’re left in a haze and confusion. While you’re no stranger to cooking up new fun in the kitchen, you’ve kept kitchenware out of the equation thus far.

Grabbing the dinosaurs and heading downstairs, you spot Kento looking at a lovely collection of white and blue plates.

“Wouldn’t I make a better plate than that?” You stand up on your tippy toes and whisper in his ear.

“Don’t tempt me,” he takes a deep breath and slowly, deliberately, gently places the plate in his hands back on the stack.

You stand back down on your heels, hands running down Kento’s wide back and tracing the edges of his harness. Feeling the tense muscles around the soft leather, your mind wanders to what his back would look like wrapped in just the straps of an apron. Surveying the shelves nearby, you spot a rack filled with a rainbow of apron choices.

“What do you think?” you hold up a frilly green and orange affair. Kento starts to make his way over to you.

“If that’s what you want,” he gives in his most non-committal tone, nose wrinkled.

“Hm, how about this one?” you hold up a yellow and black patterned option.

“It’s a bit full-coverage, don’t you think?”

“Who do you think I’m shopping for?” you tilt your head as you hold it up to his chest for a quick guauge of sizing. Pleased with your choice, you sling it over your arm and start walking off to the register, happy with the items you’ve chosen.

Back outside, your purchases on one arm, the other wrapped around Kento’s arm as you continue wallking down the crowded streets in Kappabashi. Falling into a lock-step together, you can smell a light whiff of his gentle cologne. One of your favorite scents. You steal a glance upward at his stong jaw, unable to see exacltly where his eyes were pointed due to the dark lenses of his glasses.

“Let’s cross here, I think Kama Asa is just over there,” Kento points at a shop a bit further down the road.

“We can stop in every shop if that’s what you want, love,” you squeeze his arm as you both come to a stop at the crosswalk waiting for the light to change.

Entering the store, you see a few neat tables of shiny pots and pans. Fry pans and woks of varying sizes, shiny sauce pan…bowls? Why are they missing handles? You slip over to the display to inspect the wares and figure out how you would use a saucepan without a handle.

Meanwhile, your husband is standing at a long display of frying pans, eyeing up one with a dark sheen and a long handle. He’s speaking with a store worker who slips away after giving Kento a quick bow. He makes his way over to you, placing a small kiss on your temple.

“I found a great frying pan, it’ll arrive in two months. Hand-made in Kanagawa prefecture,” Kento is giddy as he explains the details of his new pan to you. While you enjoy cooking, Kento loves it and is the primary chef in the house. He not-so-secretly loves looking for new kitchen hardware, trying to find the elusive perfect utensils and tools.

“Yeah? And then what?” you wink and bite your lip lightly.

“I-what? And then I season it and make you fried eggs. What is going through your head?”

Your smile starts to fall and a light blush washes over your face. But then you hear a warm chuckle from your husband as he places his hand on your lower back.

“I’m not going to turn a frying pan into something sexual, unless you’re really into that old Atari game,” he continues at a whisper, mostly to himself. “Besides, I think it would hurt, and not in a pleasurable way, first and foremost.”

You shake your head as you get back to examining the handle-less pots.

“Well that’s clever. Using a speculum to grip a pot,” Kento reaches out to a metal gadget you were staring at.

“Excuse me?” you’re incredulous the word speculum just fell from Kento’s mouth. Sure, he’d knowledgeable about anything you’ve ever asked him of, and this entire outing has been nothing but hornily-charged banter and innuendo. But speculum?

“Surely you see it. Are you into doc-ow!” you cut off your husband with a light jab to the side and an exasperated sigh. The sigh is mostly filled with the contentment that he’d never say this around yours or his friends. Content that he can open himself with you to let all the weir

“Not at all! Let’s get on to the next place, I’m starting to get hungry.”

Back out on the street, you both slip into a shop dedicated to all things coffee gear. And you walk out with the receipt for a new syphon brewer to be shipped directly to your house.

You attempt a poorly-constructed joke about syphoning Kento however it falls flat. But the laughs still flow.

"An admirable attempt, but next time I'll just take a sip of your sweet nectar," and again, your husband causes you to gasp on lost words, feeling a twinge of arousal grow.

Kento rounds the corner and spots the shop he’s been looking for during this entire excursion. A knife shop to get his heirloom cleaver cleaned and inspected. He carefully pulls it from his bag in a protective case and box. The shop owner immediately recognizes the age and craftsmanship and he promises to treat it carefully. He asks you both to return in three hours.

“Let’s get lunch while we wait. What are you in the mood for?” Kento asks as you exit the shop.

You steer the two of you into the nearest hourly hotel.

“Kento, which bag has the spatula?”

Suddenly lunch can wait.

[dovesdreaming]

Randonauts Assemble: Logan, Wade, and the Scariest Night Ever

(Logan x reader)

Summary: Wade has the stupid idea of going randonaughting at night with the intention to see something ‘scary’. While you and Wade are left scared for your lives, Logan is left annoyed by the whole thing.

Request

Masterlist

-

It was supposed to be a chill night. A quiet evening at the X-Mansion, maybe some beers, maybe a movie, or better yet, a night where Logan didn’t have to deal with Wade Wilson’s endless stream of insanity. But that was before Wade burst into the mansion at 10 p.m. with his mask half-on, his phone in his hand, and Dogpool under his arm like a furry football. "Logan! Y/n! Prepare yourselves! We are going... randonauting!" Logan didn't even look up from his cigar. "What the hell's randonauting?" You, seated next to Logan on the couch, glanced between Wade and Logan. You had heard of it. Randonauting was this weird app that used random coordinates to send you to strange, sometimes creepy, places based on whatever "intention" you set. It was the latest social media trend, a mix of spooky adventure and internet oddness.

"We’re not doing that” Logan growled, his usual “I’m too old for this nonsense” look firmly in place. But Wade was relentless, as always. "Come on, Wolvie! Don’t you want to live a little? Have a little spooky fun?" Wade practically sang, leaning down and waving the phone in Logan’s face. "We can pick an intention! I’m thinking... scary or creepy because it’s dark, and it’s way more fun to do stuff that might involve ghosts or abandoned places or finding a cursed treasure!" You snorted, trying to hold back a laugh. The idea was ridiculous, but... also kind of fun. "It could be interesting, Logan”.

Logan turned to you, eyebrow raised. "You too?"

You shrugged. "Well, I mean... we don’t have anything else planned. Might as well".

Logan groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose. "I’m surrounded by idiots”. Wade, sensing victory, grinned so widely under his mask you could see the fabric stretch. "Yesss! And Dogpool’s coming too!" The small, mutated dog barked in approval, wiggling out of Wade’s grip to scamper across the floor. Logan stood up, his cigar clenched between his teeth. “Fine. But if this turns out to be as stupid as I think it is, I’m letting Wade get eaten by whatever creepy monster we run into”.

An hour later, you were all in Logan’s truck, winding down a dark, narrow road surrounded by dense woods. Wade was in the backseat, leaning between the front seats with his phone out like some kind of insane navigator, and Dogpool was perched on his lap. “I can’t believe we’re actually doing this” you muttered, glancing at Logan, who was stoically staring at the road ahead like he’d been forced to endure worse than this in his long, long life. He probably had. But still. “Yeah, well,” Logan grunted, “you wanted to come”. “Are we there yet?” Wade sang from the back, shaking the phone. “Randonautica says we’re getting close! The coordinates are up ahead, and guess what? It’s taking us into the woods. Oooh, spooky!” Dogpool barked, as if in agreement with Wade's exaggerated excitement.

You, on the other hand, felt the nerves creeping in. It was one thing to laugh about this kind of stuff when you were safe at home. It was another to actually be driving toward an unknown, creepy location in the middle of nowhere at night. “Logan” you said, your voice a little quieter, “what if this place is actually dangerous? Like, what if it’s-“ “It’ll be fine” he cut you off, his hand finding yours and giving it a reassuring squeeze. “Nothin’ out here we can’t handle”.

You relaxed a bit at his words, even though the thought of wandering through the woods still made your stomach flip. “Yeah, Y/n” Wade chimed in, leaning even closer so his masked face was right beside your ear. “What’s the worst that could happen? We get murdered by ghost lumberjacks? Ohhh, spooky axe-men, please don’t hurt us! We’re just innocent explorers!” He threw his arm dramatically over his forehead, almost knocking over Dogpool in the process. Logan shoved Wade’s face away with a growl. “Sit down”.

Finally, Wade’s phone chimed. “We’re here!” he announced, like some deranged tour guide. “It’s up ahead! Right through those creepy trees. Looks like… an abandoned building or something?” You squinted through the windshield, barely making out the shape of something large and dilapidated looming in the distance. It looked like an old school, or maybe a hospital. Definitely abandoned. Definitely creepy. “Of course it’s an abandoned building” Logan muttered as he killed the engine. “Because why wouldn’t it be?” The four of you trekked through the woods, the only light coming from Wade’s flashlight and the faint glow of your phone screen as you followed the coordinates. The building loomed ahead, its windows shattered, the structure itself looking like something straight out of a horror movie. Vines had grown up the sides, and the front doors were hanging off their hinges, creaking softly in the night breeze.

“I don’t like this” you whispered, instinctively moving closer to Logan. “This feels… too creepy”. Logan, unfazed, wrapped an arm around your shoulders, pulling you closer as you both approached the entrance. “It’s just a building. Ain’t nothin’ here to be scared of”. “Speak for yourself,” Wade muttered, holding Dogpool tighter as the little dog let out a low growl at the darkened interior of the building. “This place is way too on-the-nose for a horror movie. I bet there’s ghosts. And zombies. Probably zombie ghosts”. You gave Wade a look. “Those aren’t real”. He narrowed his eyes behind his mask. “Says you. I’ve seen some stuff, Y/n. Don’t come crying to me when we’re being chased by a ghost janitor with an axe”. “Both of you shut it” Logan grunted, pushing the door open with a loud creak.

The inside of the building was worse than the outside. Dark, damp, and filled with debris. The faint smell of mildew and rot filled the air, and the flicker of Wade’s flashlight cast long, eerie shadows along the walls. “Alright, split up and look for clues” Wade said, holding up Dogpool like a furry detective. “No one’s splittin’ up” Logan said sharply, keeping you close to him as the two of you started to walk down one of the darkened hallways. You held onto his arm tightly, every sound making your heart race. Logan, of course, was the picture of calm, as if this was just a normal stroll through a perfectly fine building.

Wade, on the other hand, was trying to act calm, but you could tell he was freaked out. He kept muttering under his breath, occasionally yelping when his flashlight flickered or when Dogpool barked at some random piece of debris. “This is fine. Everything’s fine” Wade said, his voice a little higher than usual. “I’ve been through way worse. I’ve fought aliens. I’ve fought, uh, time-traveling cyborgs. This is nothing. Totally not scary. At all”. You couldn’t help but smirk. “You scared, Wade?” “Pffft, no” he said, though the way he held Dogpool like a security blanket told a different story. “Just… keeping my guard up. Gotta protect the team, you know?” Logan rolled his eyes. “We’re leavin’ in five minutes. There’s nothin’ here”.

As if on cue, there was a loud bang from somewhere deeper in the building. You jumped, clinging to Logan’s arm even tighter. Wade let out a high-pitched yelp and nearly dropped Dogpool. “What the-was that a ghost?!” Wade shrieked. Logan sighed. “It’s just the wind”. You weren’t convinced. “That sounded a little too-”Another bang echoed through the building, followed by the unmistakable sound of something scraping along the floor. Wade’s eyes widened behind his mask. “Alright, that’s it! Time to go! I’m not gettin’ murdered by ghost janitors or demon hospital patients tonight, thank you very much”. You nodded vigorously. “Yeah, let’s leave”. Logan, to his credit, didn’t seem remotely phased. “You two are ridiculous” he muttered, though even he turned back toward the entrance, his arm still around you.

As you hurried back out into the safety of the woods, Wade was still mumbling to himself about haunted hospitals and vowing never to trust an app again. Logan just shook his head, pulling you closer as the two of you walked toward the truck. “Told you nothin’ scary would happen” he said.“Except that sound back there” you pointed out, still glancing over your shoulder. “Yeah, well” Logan shrugged, “could’ve been worse. Could’ve had to listen to Wade all night”. “Hey! I heard that!” Wade called, huffing as he cradled Dogpool protectively. “You’re all just mad because I brought adventure into your lives”. You and Logan just shared a look to say ‘sureee’.

You held onto Logan very tightly the rest of the night still freaked out about what you had heard, just glad you got out of there before something worse happened. In the next room over Wade clung onto dogpool saying calming things to the dog, who was already asleep, to calm his own racing heart. Maybe haunted houses are just too scary for superhero’s.

[eph-em-era]

hey so i am so so pleased they hired an intimacy coordinator this time around! and you can tell that the actors are much more comfortable too! the intimacy is much much better!!

let's do a lil intimacy breakdown from my knowledge as an IC in training and a director just in general

(this is a long post so it's under the cut)

fact is, there's some awkwardness in the ed/stede s1 kiss, which i am ninety percent sure is due to body placement. i'd wager there was a discussion on set that was like "hey this is a stunning shot, we love what it looks like, let's get the actors in" and they got the actors in and got to the blocking for the kiss and everyone was like "hey this is a bit awkward but we'll muscle through" - cause that awkwardness fits the character arcs.

but it's not actually all that easy turning all the way to one side to kiss someone without moving where your legs are! it's weird! it's an awkward angle! - or more accurately, it's the angle that two people would kiss at if it was a very impulsive, awkward surprise; or if your two lead actors are very good friends faced with playing lovers for the first time and not sure what to feel about that (we've all been there) - there's reticence, but it fits the scene so it's fine.

(Lucius and Pete and Olu and Jim also have moments of intimacy, which for the most part are fine, and I suspect that's a combo of a) their staging is SO MUCH BETTER, b) character choices, c) different directors and d) less of that "OMG WE'RE PLAYING LOVERS NOW" anxiety)

~~onto season 2~~

for the record, intimacy direction isn't just for kissing/sex scenes, ICs can come in for intimacy building exercises and additional blocking, as well as things like nudity, childbirth or any similar sensitive work, but I'm going to be talking mostly about kisses in this. anyway!

Beautiful! Kind, lovely, tender! The backdrop is super nice too. Honestly, the Lucius/Pete stuff has really been so nice all the way along; that's great casting! Especially in S2E5, everything reads as very earnest and space is used very well.

Archie and Jim. Now, we don't have anything to compare it to from S1, but I'm flagging it cause yeah, they definitely have similar staging to Ed/Stede from S1E09. I would say there's a much better range of movement in this one, likely because they're sitting on the floor, braced against the bed, so they can compensate for the weird angle better than E/S could. This might come off as a lil rude but it's also more likely that these two actors are slightly more flexible and can make this staging work better than Taika and Rhys.

Cannot for the LIFE OF ME find a gif of their hug, but they have fantastic chemistry! despite only showing up for like 2/3s of one episode. I've seen people whining about how they absolutely should have kissed - and you know what, I would have liked that too!

however, I suspect that what happened here was that one or both of the actors didn't want to kiss on screen, and voiced their objections to the IC, who found a work around. It was likely not cause of any kind of ill will or homophobia, for the record - sometimes you just don't want to kiss people. Maybe you're sick, maybe you're feeling weird, maybe you're just not in the right headspace, but a kiss might be off the cards that day.

This is behaviour we want to encourage, btw. The goal is to ensure that actors feel comfortable and that the shot isn't be all end all. I've done something very similar, we had 20 mins to get the blocking done and the actors weren't at a point where kissing felt comfy, so we did a kiss on the cheek and a hug.

it is better that the actors are comfortable than your ship is fulfilled.

Hey yknow what I was saying about how ICs aren't just used for blocking, they're used for chemistry building? That's what they've HIT ON HERE. This is genuinely a very lovely kiss. It's deeply appropriate for the characters, and it's private and simple. things get a little more raunchy, and hands start moving, but then it's stopped, for a narrative reason, and the chemistry remains with the hand hold. It's really very nice, well blocked and well performed. the hand placement! the tenderness! it's great. there's none of that s1 reticence, whether that was from characters or actors.

I think the intimacy work, much like the writing and the characterisation is much, much stronger in this season, and that's to the show's benefit. I know we're only halfway through, but I'm thoroughly interested to see where things go in the remaining episodes. I will update this post if anything exciting crops up in the final five.

and this is why you need to hire ICs! they make life easier for actors, directors and crew alike!!

[tiredwitchplant]

How to Use Herbs: Basil (Sweet Basil)

Hwello again! This time we shall be talking about how to use basil in different forms. If you want more information about basil, please click this link to get to my basil post: Basil Let's get started.

Alchemist Formulas:

*Remember always try to see one part as a teaspoon before going into other measurements. Doing a smaller amount first and then trial and error is better than making too much and a mess.

Mars:

two parts red sandalwood

one part honeysuckle flowers

one part basil

one part ginger oil

one part juniper oil

Health

one part frankincense (Sun; vitality)

one part basil (Mars; energy)

one part cinnamon (Mercury; nervous system)

one part bay oil (Sun; health)

one part sandalwood oil (Moon; Inner Self)

Oils

Basil Essential Oil:

Ingredients

12 ounces olive oil

2 ounces basil, 1 packed cup

Remove basil leaves from stems.

Place olive oil in a pint sized mason jar.

Carefully stuff basil into mason jar and close the lid.

Store on a sunny windowsill for 1 day.

Use a funnel to strain oil and a spoon to smash last bits of oil out of leaves and discard the leaves.

Transfer oil to a decorative jar and refrigerate for up to 1 week.

Prosperity Oil:

1 part mint

1 part basil

1 part cinnamon

1 part pine

Carrier oil of your choice (olive oil, jojoba oil and etc)

Simply take a small mason jar and fill it a 1/4 of the way up with your chosen oil.

Add in your herbs while thinking of your intentions of prosperity and abundance and swirl the jar around clockwise.

Then add a little bit more of the oil before closing the lid.

Awakening Oil:

*This needs to crafted on a full moon

1/4 cup carrier oil

Mason jar

2 drops of basil oil

2 drops of thyme oil

Pour your carrier oil into the mason jar and then added the drops of thyme and basil

Swirl it gently in a clockwise direction so it will mix thoroughly. Say, "I awaken, I listen, I see. Enlightenment come to me. Awareness, mindfulness, clarity. Illumination come to me."

Anoint your temples on your head and pulse points with your oil before doing divination work.

Spells

Basil Growth Spell

Chop fresh basil into fine threads.

Warm honey gently over the stove. (A double boiler or bain-marie is recommended, as honey scorches easily.)

Add the basil to the honey and simmer.

Remove the basil-enhanced honey from the source of heat and murmur over it something like this: "Flies flocks to honey, Customers flock to me, Bears flock to honey, Business flocks to me, Ants flock to honey, Contracts flock to me."

Run a warm bath for yourself.

Rub the honey over your body, and then enter the bath.

Soak in the water for a while. When you emerge, before you drain the water, reserve some of the used bathwater.

Toss this on the grounds of your business.

Sex Worker’s Better Business Spell

Dress a lodestone , a magnetite rock, with essential oils of basil, bergamot, and lavender. (In theory, the lodestones' gender may be coordinated with the gender of the clientele you wish to draw.)

Sprinkle with magnetic sand and a pinch of ground cinnamon.

Carry or wear to charm up added business.

Exorcism Powder

Blend the following ingredients together and grind into a fine powder:

Dried basil

Frankincense

Rosemary

Rue

Yarrow

2. Blend this powder with arrowroot powder.

3. Sprinkle as needed.

Basil Cleansing Bath

Pour approximately one cup of boiling water over one heaped teaspoon of dried basil.

Allow this to stand until the water cools, creating a strong infusion.

Add this to your bath.

Financial Dreams (For Solutions)

Sprinkle either infused basil oil or essential oil of basil onto a lodestone, just before going to sleep.

Get into bed, turn out the lights and gently rub the scented lodestone in a sunwise direction on your forehead. (When you awake, your forehead will probably be dirty. Don’t panic; lodestone dust is lucky.)

Keep the lodestone near the bed, so that you can inhale the basil

Since two of these spells ask for lodestone, here is where you can get some and arrowroot powder. Lodestone , Arrowroot Powder

Kitchen Witch Recipe:

Wisdom Soup

Serves: 4

Prep Time: 30 minutes

Cooking Time: 30 minutes, plus a little bit until it’s just right

1 cup red lentils

2 cloves garlic, minced

1 can coconut milk

1 lime, sliced into thin wheels

Oil Options: Olive oil, toasted sesame oil

Sour Options: lemon juice, lime juice, rice vinegar

1 onion, diced

Sweet Options: Sugar, honey, agave

2 sprigs basil, de-stemmed and chopped

Salt Options: Soy sauce, sea salt, sweet miso (make a paste with miso and water before adding)

2 inches fresh ginger, minced

2 cups water

2 sprigs cilantro, de-stemmed and chopped

2 sprigs mint, de-stemmed and chopped

1/4 teaspoon cayenne pepper

In a pot, place the lentils, coconut milk, and water, and bring to a boil.

Reduce heat and simmer.

Add the onion, garlic, ginger, cayenne.Stir. Do not cover.

Once the lentils are cooked and not firm (about 15–20 minutes), add one thing from the sour category, one from the sweet category, one from the salty, and some oil (add about a teaspoon of oil at a time). Taste. Repeat with a different item from each category.

Garnish with sliced wheels of lime and minced-up basil, mint, and cilantro.

I hope you enjoy these spells, recipes, and formulas and put them to good use. Use them wisely and bye byes~

Sources

[snakeeyesdraws]

Overly Analyzing the Super Mario 3D World story intro

So I've been playing Super Mario 3D World a lot, and since I haven't seen many people talk about the opening cutscene, I wanted to do that since it contains a lot of very cute animations!

This will kinda be a scene by scene analysis with me just pointing out things I like, but if you'd like to see the full cutscene in better quality than my screenshots, you can watch it here!

The scene starts off with all of the main playable characters going for a walk under a starry sky filled with fireworks. I know blue/yellow Toads have been staples of Mario games now, since they colour code the main characters and Mario is obviously red, but its does delight me that Blue Toad is just invited on this little walk with them.

(Also if you listen closely, you can hear Mario say "Ah Princess, what a beautiful evening!" and I thought that was cute)

Their walk is interrupted by Toad noticing something offscreen, and they run ahead to see a broken pipe in the middle of the path! Mario and Luigi closely examine it, and then we get...

ACTUAL PLUMBING FROM THE SUPER MARIO BROS!

Real talk, the more the series goes on the less relevant their status as plumbers often becomes, so anything that references it or shows them actually using their plumbing skills makes me so happy. And their tools are colour coordinated!

A bunch of power ups and the green Sprixie Princess pop out, and we get some classic 2d artwork, which I absolutely adore. More of this in every 3d game, please.

The ground and pipe start rumbling, and this is where I really wanna focus on the character animation of the main four here. All four of them start looking around for the source of the tremors, and we see both Peach and Luigi lifting their hands up, Luigi looking more anxious.

Bowser suddenly pops out of the pipe and roars, startling all four main characters. We can see very different reactions from all of them.

Toad and Peach jump before covering their ears, very clearly intimidated by Bowser's roar.

Luigi is the only one to fall over completely from Bowser's appearance. He stays on the ground and holds one hand up in front of his face, flinching when Bowser roars. Dude is clearly terrified by Bowser.

Mario does jump in surprise when Bowser pops up, but he's the only one who doesn't cower when Bowser roars. Instead, he immediately gets into a confrontational pose, with one hand held out protectively towards Peach. This isn't his first time dealing with Bowser, obviously, and his instincts are to prepare for a fight and to protect Peach.

However, Bowser's target this time isn't Peach, but instead the green Sprixie Princess. A lot of people poke fun at the set up for this game - "if Princess Peach isn't in danger, why do any of them care?" - but I always like when Mario & Luigi and the others try to rescue others simply because it's the right thing to do.

Bowser turns to glare at Peach and Mario, taunting them to react. Peach and Mario are both upset by the capture of the Sprixie Princess, but neither react too strongly to Bowser. Both of them have interacted with him enough to know what he's like.

Conversely, both Luigi and Blue Toad react much more when Bowser turns to them. Blue Toad stumbles onto one foot, while Luigi cowers back further, keeping his hand raised defensively, which seems to be a common mannerism of his when he's frightened. Bowser seems to be grinning a bit more in this pose, as if he knows he can get a bigger reaction out of these two.

When Bowser disappears down the pipe, all four of them regain their bearings and jump back up, reaching out for the green Sprixie Princess.

Peach is the first one to rush forward to the pipe. She sort of flounders on the edge of the pipe before she slips down it - yeah, I don't think she had a game plan there outside of trying to rescue the green Sprixie Princess. But proactive Peach being included on the adventure is always a win!

Before Luigi even lands his startled jump, Mario is already rushing forward to follow Peach down the pipe, and Toad is right behind him. I'd say it's out of mostly courage on Mario's end, and mostly out of loyalty to the princess on Toad's.

Then we get to my favourite animation of this scene (can you tell I'm biased?)

While Mario and Toad follow Peach down the pipe, Luigi pulls himself together and slaps his cheeks twice to hype himself up. It's one of my favourite quirks for characters to do, and it's doubly endearing on characters who are timid in nature. Luigi was arguably the most started and scared by Bowser's appearance, but he knows he has to do something! Totally adopting this as a common mannerism of his

Luigi then follows the others down the pipe, and they travel to the first world of the game, bringing the opening cutscene to a close.

Fun fact; since I've only ever played this game solo, and since I main Luigi, I assumed that his animation of landing on his stomach outside of the pipe was unique to him, since he's established as quite clumsy.

But in 4 player mode, you can see all of them coming out of the pipe together, and Mario lands on his stomach too. Just thought that was a cute detail.

So that's the opening cutscene of Super Mario 3D World! It's not terribly complex, but I've always adored it for showcasing a lot of personality with the main characters, and since I didn't really see any discussions on it, I wanted to highlight it!

I do recommend you watch the cutscene since a lot of the nuances and details can't be shown in screenshots - or better yet, play the game yourself! It's a ton of fun ^^

[5ugarand5pice]

Would’ve Could’ve Should’ve

(can we pretend it says silverstone instead of melbourne thank you)

Part 1: Dear Reader  | Part 2: Would’ve Could’ve Should’ve | Part 3: coming soon

pairing: driver! reader x f1 grid

inspired by: Would’ve Could’ve Should’ve by Taylor Swift (ik the song is unrelated but if anyone wants to cry over the possible Taylor and Joe split, my dms are open)

a/n: a couple months late but you asked and now you shall receive! thank you so much for all the love for Dear Reader, it means the world to me 🥹🤍 super sorry for going ghost (went thru a breakup, cried over a 🤢boy🤢 and tried to get my shit together) but i’m all good now and better than ever! definitely in my reputation era which means y/n will be too... soon. anyways, hope you like this and sending everyone hugs esp after the shitshow that was the aus gp (justice for carlos!!)

warning/s: a bit sad??? longer than i expected it would be but yes

If you would've blinked then I would've Looked away at the first glance If you tasted poison, you could've Spit me out at the first chance And if I was some paint, did it splatter On a promising grown man? And if I was a child, did it matter If you got to wash your hands?

The rest of your time in Monaco was spent coordinating with your team on possible moves forward in F1. Come Tuesday morning, you and Abi were on the way to your home country, a half-assed plan and bundle of nerves in your hands.

“It’ll be alright. You’ve got a kickass mom who’ll drag Christian’s ass to court and back if she has to and you also have me. You know I got your back— even if it means breaking a law or two.” Abi says, squeezing your hand twice as you make your way to your family home.

“For legal reasons, that was a joke.” you chuckle.

“Please, I’ll even help you bury the body.” your mom replies, giving you a small wink from the driver's seat.

You shake your head as you smile, the familiarity of the scenery as well as the playful conversations with your mom and Abi bring you a sense of comfort you had missed. It’s good to be home.

When your mom had pulled up to the driveway, your grandparents were already waiting by the door, a small banner written “welcome back home girls!” in your Nana’s penmanship.

“I missed you guys so much.” you almost cry out as you reach in for a hug.

“Our little racer isn’t so little anymore.” Nana coos.

“We watched your race in Austria, sweetheart. Almost forgot how much of a softie you actually are when I saw you drive.” Papa teases.

“Don’t tell outsiders that she’s a softie, we have a reputation to uphold over here.” Abi pipes, tone going high as she struggles with her bag.

“As if everyone doesn’t know that she’s a softie.” Nana says as she rolls her eyes affectionately.

You all chuckle as you finally make your way inside, Nana noting that she would have supper set up at 6pm.

The rest of the afternoon was spent settling in your respective rooms. Wandering around as you take in your surroundings, a picture frame on your dresser catches your attention.

The 2017 British Grand Prix.

Oh, God. If only you knew.

Oh, oh All I used to do was pray Would've, could've, should've If you'd never looked my way

You placed third at the Formula 2 British Grand Prix. Ahead of you was Charles Leclerc and your teammate, Norman Nato, respectively.

“You know, if he weren’t so cute, I would definitely be screaming at him for overtaking you like that.” Abi mutters as she hands you a towel.

“Please, we both know you’d probably use that as an excuse to make a move.” you playfully scoff as you wipe your face.

“I would,” she shrugs, “but I’m rooting for your enemies to lovers love story”.

“Oh, Abi.” you sigh, “Where did you get that idea?”

“Please, you’ve seen the way he looks when you pass by.” she giggles as she mocks what you assume were lovestruck eyes.

“Quit it. He doesn’t like me like that. He just” you pause, “has that charm.”

“Sure,” she grins, “but when you guys end up together, I’ll be mentioning this moment in my Maid of Honor speech.”

Before you can protest, Kenny Kirwan, your team manager, clears his throat behind you.

“Y/n, Abi, I’d like to introduce you to Christian Horner, the team principal of Red Bull Racing.” he tilts his head to his right.

“Christian, This is Y/n, this is our driver I’ve been telling you about. We’re lucky to have her in our team.” he continues, his smile faltering as you remain stoic.

“Hi. I’m Abi. Her social media manager and best friend.” Abi speaks up, breaking the awkward silence. She extends her hand, eyes darting between the two of you.

“Nice to meet you.” he grins, shaking her hand. “Congrats on second, by the way. I’m so proud of you.” he looks at you, engulfing you in what you suspect was one of those weird man clap hugs.

“Oh! Uh, thank you.” you smile, immediately pulling away. “I didn’t think you would watch my races.”

“I try to. You’ve been progressing well.”  he comments.

“Planning to win the championship, so, you know, gotta get those points.” you reply, shifting your weight between your legs.

“You can do it. You are your father’s daughter after all.” he smirks.

“Uhuh.” you wince.

Kenny does his best to ease the tension, raving about how he discovered your talent and how much potential you have to further in Formula 1.

“Well, it’s been lovely catching up with you but we really have to go. We promised Lorelei we’d be home before late to celebrate.” Abi interrupts.

“Oh! Of course.” he smiles awkwardly. “Um, before you go, maybe you’d want to go to the race tomorrow? I’d love to have you as my guest.”

“Sure. I’d like that. Abi’s my plus one.” you reply. “If that’s okay.” you quickly add, to which he smiles.

“Of course. Well, I’ll go ahead. Gotta get ready for FP3 and quali. You still have the same number?” Christian asks.

All you do is nod as he walks away, a dumbfounded Kenny following suit.

“Wait ‘til your mom hears about this.” Abi breaks you out of your trance, yanking your arm to lead you to your room.

I would've stayed on my knees And I damn sure never would've danced with the devil At nineteen And the God's honest truth is that the pain was heaven And now that I'm grown, I'm scared of ghosts Memories feel like weapons And now that I know, I wish you'd left me wondering

As it turns out, Formula 1 had a completely different vibe from Formula 2; the screams were louder, the air was hotter and everyone seemed more tense. However, no one was as tense as you.

“I don’t know Abi.” you sigh, your hands gripping the wheel. “What if it’s worse than yesterday?” you turn to look at her.

“What’s the worst that can happen?” she asks, eyes trained on the mirror as she applies yet another layer of lip gloss.

“His wife can hate me. I get run over. I run over someone. I make a fool out of myself in the paddock. I unintentionally ruin my chances of ever becoming a Formula 1 driver which will then stop me from achieving my dream of becoming a Formula 1 World Champion.” your grip tightening as you ramble on.

Abi glances at your hands, sensing that you were about to slip into one of your spirals. She immediately grabs a hold of those and squeezes twice. Breathe In.

“She’ll love you. You won’t be on the track. You won’t be driving. You can always apologize and flash your adorable smile. I won’t let you ruin your chances. You will become a formula 1 driver. You will become world champion. It’s going to be fun, trust me” her hands squeezing yours twice again. Breathe Out.

“Fuck it. Okay. Let’s do this.” you mutter, quickly closing your windows and stepping out of your car.

The two of you pass through the gates, feeling a bit out of place and out of your element as a guest. Christian gave the two of you a tour of the Red Bull hospitality, introducing you to the crew while at it. Although they all seemed nice, your stomach churned every time surprise would flash their face when Christian introduced you as his daughter.

When time was nearing the race, he excused himself to look for his drivers. Abi left as well, muttering something about finding the ladies’ room. That left you standing alone in a corner of the garage, too shy to add on to the hustle and bustle of the race day.

“You look lonely, want some company?” you hear a voice to your right.

“Oh! Um, sure. If you want.” you reply, flustered.

“Okay.” he heartily laughs, “So, are you here for a sponsor or something?” he asks.

“A personal guest? I think.” you chuckle, “It’s complicated.”

“Well, complicated, nice to meet you. I’m Daniel.” he grins, offering you his hand to shake.

“I actually know who you are.” you smile back as you shake his hand, “Not that I stalk you or anything! I’ve watched a few of your races.”

“I’m a driver too. Well, currently in Formula 2.”  you continue, embarrassment tinging your cheeks, “Y/n y/l/n”.

“Oh no, more young drivers!” he dramatically gasps, “Another reminder that I’m aging.”

“You don’t look a day over 70!” you joke, face immediately paling when you realize what you just said. “Oh God! I’m so-”, your apology cut off by Daniel's laughter.

“Oh, I like you. You’re funny.” he breathily sighs. “We can be friends now.”

“So sense of humor is part of your friendship checklist?” you tease, mentally thanking whichever angel God sent you. “Sadly you didn’t tick that box on mine.”

“Okay,” he pouts his lips. “Knock knock.”

“Who’s there?” you roll your eyes.

“Chickens.”

“Chickens who?”

“Enkkk.” he voices out, mimicking a buzzer. “Owls hoot, chickens cluck.”

You purse your lips. “A for effort. We should be friends so we can work on your sense of humor, grandpa.”

Daniel scoffs and places his hands on his chest, feigning hurt.

“Daniel!” someone hollers. “Mate, I’ve been looking everywhere for you.”

“Damn it.” Daniel chuckles. “I really thought I was gonna win at hide and seek this week.”

“Christian says we have to go over some notes before the race” he goes on, clueless to your presence.

“Well, it seems I have to bid you adieu.” Daniel turns to you, bowing to add to your amusement. “Till next time, mademoiselle.”

Daniel leaves, heading to what you guess is their meeting room. The stranger follows him, sending you a sheepish smile, presumably his form of apology for interrupting your conversation. You wave him off with a smile, shouting a quick “Good luck!” as they pass.

If you never touched me, I would've Gone along with the righteous If I never blushed, then they could've Never whispered about this And if you never saved me from boredom I could've gone on as I was But, Lord, you made me feel important And then you tried to erase us

Despite both of the Red Bulls not being able to set foot on the podium, the garage still celebrated points; P4 for Daniel and P5 for his teammate, Max. Daniel, being Mister Congeniality, insisted (quite ruthlessly) that you come to the afterparty. This is how you and Abi ended up back in your room, flipping out over outfit options.

“I think we need to find you the perfect ensemble that screams I’m classy but I can be a slut if I want to.” Abi shouts from inside your closet, another batch of dresses being thrown towards the growing pile on the floor.

“I can’t look like a slut, Abi. My father might be there.” You mutter, setting up your makeup at the vanity.

As much as it bothered you, you knew better than to try to clean while Abi rummaged through your clothes. She once gave you an earful, going on about how messy people are creative geniuses. Thus, the artist shall not be disturbed.

“We’re trying to attract a driver and a driver’s seat, not your father. ” she gags, head peeking out of the closet. “Have you seen the way that Max guy looked at you?”.

“No, because I’m not looking at him.” you turn away. “Besides, I thought you were rooting for a certain Monegasque.”

“I am, but it's rude to disregard other contenders.” she shrugs, passing you a little black dress. “I think this is it. Max will definitely keep his eyes on you tonight.”

Just as always, Abi was right. When you had finally arrived at the pub, Max immediately spotted you, nudging Daniel towards your direction.

“Glad you can make it, mademoiselle.” Daniel greets you, reenacting his bow from earlier that day.

“Good evening, Sire.” you curtsy in response.

“May I escort thee to thy party chambers?” he continues his act, mimicking a posh accent you’ve mostly heard in period dramas.  

“I’d be most delighted, o good Sir.” you nod, locking arms with him and Abi with the other. “I’d like to introduce my companion. Sir Daniel, meet Lady Abigail.”

“Delighted to make your acquaintance, Lady Abigail.” he waves with his free hand.

“You guys are crazy.” Abi snorts. “But likewise, Sir Daniel.”

He leads the two of you to a booth, excusing himself to get the two of you a drink. Max was still seated at the same spot, nursing a half empty bottle of beer.

“I’m sorry for interrupting your conversation with Daniel before the race and for not introducing myself then.” he sheepishly smiles at you. “I’m Max.”

“Y/n, and no worries about that. It was a busy time.” you smile back. “This is my friend by the way, Abi.”

“Congrats on P5.” she nods at him, eyes immediately darting back to the crowd.

Before Max could get another word in, Daniel returns with drinks in his hands.

“Three margaritas for the lovely ladies and myself.” he gives a cheeky smile while passing out the drinks. “Another beer for Max.”

The four of you spent the night getting to know each other better. Halfway through your drinks, Daniel excuses himself to mingle with other guests. Abi excuses herself as well, saying she needs to get water but you later catch her wink at you while a guy talks her up at the bar. That bitch (affectionately).

“So, you come to races often?” Max asks, shifting your attention back to him.

“Mostly busy with my own but I watch you guys from time to time.” you smile.

“You race too?” he chokes on his drink.

“Currently in Formula 2, yes.” Handing him a tissue, you chuckle. “I kinda take offense at your shock.”

“Sorry, it’s just that-” he starts off, wiping off his lips. “I think it’s best if you don’t finish that sentence.” you giggle. “So, Max, how long have you been racing?”

“Well, pretty much ever since my dad thought I was old enough to start.” he mutters.

“So, since you were in the womb?” you joke.

“Pretty much.” he laughs. “You?”

“Similar. Got into it because of my dad as well but continued for myself.” you look down and fidget with your rings.

“Anyways,” he clears his throat. “What’s your favorite team?”

“Ferrari.” you grin. “Big Vettel fan here.”

“You were hanging out in the wrong garage then.” he muses. “Any way I can switch you over to my side?”

“I can be convinced,” you tease. “if given enough incentive.”

“How about I convince you over dinner?” he asks.

“Bold ask.” you giggle. “I’d have to think about that.”

Oh, oh You're a crisis of my faith Would've, could've, should've If I'd only played it safe

At that time, it seemed like the world was working in your favor. You had three consecutive podiums in Hungaroring, Spa and Monza. To add to the excitement, all of those races coincided with that of the F1 calendar, giving you more chances to hang out in the Red Bull garages.

The highlight, though, would be Monza. After winning first place, Christian invited you to breakfast to celebrate and “make up for lost time”. Abi, being the perfect balance of tough love and unending support, decided it’d be best for you to go alone, much to your dismay. You paced back and forth in the hallway, making a mental list of things to not bring up. Your thoughts come to a halt when you hear the click of the door, revealing Geri on her way out.

“Y/n! Christian’s inside. You can just head in.” she smiles, hand holding the doorknob.

“Oh, okay.” you breathe out. “Sorry, I’m just a bit nervous.”

“It’s alright.” she chuckles. “He’s nervous too if that’s any consolation.”

“A little.” you giggle. “Um, I hope it’s not an intrusion. Me being here, I mean.”

“That’s nonsense!” she exclaims. “I just thought it’d be better for the two of you to talk things out alone. But, if you’re open to it, I’d love to get to know you better as well.”

“I’d like that.” you exhale. “Well, I think I should head in.”

“Of course.” she laughs, moving towards the lift. Turning around she says, “He’s trying, you know.”

Not knowing what to say, you offer a smile and head inside their room.

“Honey, do you think she’d want more food? Or is this enough?” you hear him shout.

Heading towards the dining area, you chuckle. “She left already. But, if you’re planning to feed the entire grid, maybe we can order more food.”

“Y/n.” he grins. “It’s lovely to see you.”

“You too.” you mutter, taking a seat opposite him.

“So,” he clears his throat. “I saw you win yesterday, congratulations!”

“Thanks.” you beam. “I heard you guys got P2 and P3 for quali. Must be looking forward to this race huh?”

“Quite.” he hands you a plate of waffles. “You still like this, right?”

“You remembered.” you gasp. “Even the strawberries and bananas.”

“I checked with your mom to make sure I got it right.” his cheeks tinges with embarrassment. “Gotta feed next year’s potential F1 driver well.”

“What?” your jaw drops. “Formula 1?”

“I introduced you to Franz Tost for a reason. He told me he’d love to have you in Toro Rosso next year.” he muses. “Maybe after that, you’d be racing for Red Bull.”

“HOLY SHIT!” you scream. “Is this for real?”

“Yes. It is.” he chuckles.

“Wait, who’s leaving?” you pause.

“Well, you’ll be taking Daniil’s seat. Carlos is moving to Renault for the last few races which leaves you, hopefully, and Pierre to complete the team next year.”

“Will they still be racing next year?” you ask.

“Carlos will be with Renault and I’m still unsure about Kvyat.” he says. “So, thoughts?”

“I’d have to discuss it with my team but personally, it’d be an honor.”

If clarity's in death, then why won't this die? Years of tearing down our banners, you and I Living for the thrill of hitting you where it hurts Give me back my girlhood, it was mine first

You get up from your bed, hands still clutching the picture frame. Based on the dark view outside your window, you assume you overslept, completely missing supper. You tuck the frame in a random drawer. Out of sight, out of mind.

You make your way to the kitchen, moving quietly to not wake anyone else up. You almost scream when you see your grandpa sitting on a barstool, a faint light casting a shadow.

“Why are you up so late?” you clutch your chest, trying to calm your heart.

“Just thinking, you know.” he mutters. “Worrying about you.”

“Oh Pa, I’m alright.” you hug him, taking a seat at his side. “I’m fine.”

“You’re not fine, kiddo.” he breathes out. “I heard you crying earlier. I know you’re not fine.”

You sit there in silence. Although you were raised so open to emotions, you still had trouble expressing your own, worried about worrying others.

“When you had your first accident during your karting days, I freaked out. I almost had your mom pull you out, thinking that the sport was too much for you.” he starts. “Then, on our way to the car, you walked up to me and Nan and said, ‘look Pa! I have battle marks! I can go against the tough ones now!’. You had tears in your eyes and a bruise on your leg and arm, but you looked so happy.”

He grabs both of your hands, rubbing his thumbs across the back. “I knew then I didn’t have to protect you, not because you didn’t need it. God knows I tried my best to do that. But, you didn’t want it. You were so good on your own.”

“Not to be a sexist asshole but there were times when I wished you chose a more common hobby. Ballet, piano, anything that didn’t have a high risk of me losing you.” he breathes out. “It wasn’t just the physical aspect too. I just- I see complete strangers say just cruel things about you and how you started losing bits of yourself.”

“You’ve grown, but I used to be able to still see that little racer in her braids and a goofy smile with a missing tooth. Now, it’s like you turned into this machine. I get that it’s a tough sport but I worry you will lose your heart and spirit.”

“I- ” you sniffle, “I love racing. I know that.”

“I can see myself doing this for the rest of my life but right now I feel so lost.” you continue. “I never would’ve imagined being this close to achieving my dreams and now it’s gone.”

“And it’s silly. Like, I know I have mom. I have you and Nan. Abi too.” you breathe in. “But he should’ve been part of my life as well. He’s not just mom’s friend from college who knocked her up. He’s my father.”

Although your tears start to flow, you continue. “As much as his absence hurt, I still tried. I gave up my childhood and other dreams I had to be here.”

“The worst part of it all was me thinking I finally got what I wanted. That I finally had a dad.” you exhale. “Then he sold my femininity to the world then threw me away.”

God rest my soul, I miss who I used to be The tomb won't close, stained glass windows in my mind I regret you all the time I can't let this go, I fight with you in my sleep The wound won't close, I keep on waiting for a sign I regret you all the time Oh, God rest my soul, I miss who I used to be The tomb won't close, stained glass windows in my mind I regret you all the time I can't let this go, I fight with you in my sleep The wound won't close, I keep on waiting for a sign

Heading to the track felt like hell, dread filled your stomach and your hands were clammy with sweat. For your sake, Abi had ensured you wouldn’t get any press time and to your surprise, the teams agreed. Thinking about it now, you assume it was to save their dwindling reputation. Although your social battery was at an all time low, you still stopped to interact with your fans on your way to and from the paddock. As genuine as your gratitude was, your smile and thank you’s were visibly forced.

Everyone knew what this race weekend meant to you. You’ve been looking forward to racing in Silverstone, making it your goal of the season to go on the podium at your home race in your dream team. However, that seems like something only possible in an alternate reality. Despite Max’s pleas of you staying in Red Bull, you refused. You didn’t even bother telling him about your shift back to Toro Rosso or that you had moved out of his place. He’ll find out one way or another.

Thankfully, your schedule and distance from their garage minimized your interactions with certain members of the Red Bull team. Nevertheless, keeping true to your promise, you invited Daniel and a couple other drivers to meals in between practices, doing your best to front a “I’m doing better than you think” facade. You even reached out to Alex Albon, making it clear that there is no bad blood between you and that his replacement isn’t something you took personally.

Come Sunday morning, you have grown accustomed to your new (or old) team. Staring at the mirror gave you a sense of deja vu; the bold text of “Red Bull” across your suit mocked you. Wiping off a few stray tears, you can’t help but think about yourself from a year ago and what she would’ve thought about your situation. Would she laugh at the irony or would she cry with you?

You turn around when you hear a faint knock. Abi peeks in, a small smile gracing her face. “It’s almost race time. Are you ready?”

“Fuck no.”

a/n: as always, would love to hear your thoughts so feedback is more than welcome (but please be kind) !!!  to all that shared their love for Dear Reader, you have my heart and i hope this part did not disappoint 🫂 took a while to get here (seriously wrote a long ass piece then completely changed everything but ohwell) and i think i’m happy with the direction so far?? also, please let me know if you want to be part of the taglist or if it’s not working (still unsure abt how this works but i shall figure it out!)

taglist: @lighttsoutlewis @holy-macncheese-balls @for-fuck-sake-im-alive​ @idkiwantchocolatee @dan3avocado @aquamariene-me 

[ask-woods]

"frank,

i don't know how long you'll be asleep - i hope you don't wake up now. you need the rest. but i promised i'd tell you everything. and so i will in this letter.

you were able to figure it out, i am a double agent. but to fill in the gaps: i work for who ever bids the highest. didn't matter if it was the cia, a civvie, or pantheon. if they got the money, i got the information.

bishop is someone on your team. honest. they contacted me to find them an assassin based in avalon, and so i put them onto dumas. you don't have to worry about that anymore.

now. the pantheon were onto you. and they wanted me to weed you guys out; send them the location of your safehouse for a coordinated attack. it was supposed to happen two days ago @ 02:45. i gave them mine instead to buy you guys some time. i needed to get everything out before they got there. that's why i almost shot you.

i'm a liability to you and your operation, frank. and i don't want to fuck it up for you just so we can be buddy buddy again. me being near you is dangerous. please, i beg you; understand that.

you might be wondering why i'm still here at the rook. the only reason i stayed here is because i promised i'd stay. but if you want me to leave, just say the word. no mess, no fuss.

you're right. i am a bastard. i am a traitor. and you have every fucking right to hate me.

i hate myself for not telling you that i loved you sooner. i should've done that before i got married. and you said that you loved me, right? i'm sorry for letting you down. you deserve much better.

i'll leave the coordinates to my new location on here so you can kill me when i leave if you want. you can have the tech, all i ask is you leave the cat alone

i'm sorry.

am"

[ @a-mason ]

So you’re a payout now?

…

Jesus Christ.

Not surprised about the Pantheon, or Bishop. Would’ve preferred you explaining things a bit earlier, before I tried to fucking strangle you, or you almost shot me, but shit happens, I get it.

I shouldn’t have doubted you. Sure, I’m still a little pissed, but God, Mason, you know I could never really kill you, right? I couldn’t hate you either.

I’ve got more to be sorry for than you, you big bastard.

I guess I’ll try and get some sleep. And I’ll leave the cat alone. Promise.

Love you, too.

[elliebyrrdwrites]

Drabble #29

This is going so much further than I thought it would.

Harry found her in the break room, searching for caffeine. “There’s been another call; lewd conduct in Wiltshire.” He sighs and holds up the report. “Just came in.”

Hermione grimaced. “What kind of lewd conduct are we talking about here, Harry?”

He shrugged and followed her. An hours old cup of coffee in her hand. It’s one of those paper cups that eventually start to collapse in on itself after too many uses.

It’s nearly time to go home and she’s only on her second cup of the day.

“Indecent exposure. Public masturbation.”

She rounded the corner heading for Malfoys office. Her chest wiggles and pulses and he steps out of his office, an eyebrow raised as he eyes her cup. He disdains office pot coffee. He loathes it, begs her to stop poisoning herself with it. Sometimes, it’s all she can get because at home, she’s run out and they left without stopping by a coffee shop this morning.

“Harry’s got wonderful news for us, Malfoy. There’s some wizard jerking off near your home.”

“Are we sure it’s not Theo?”

“It’s a woman.”

Hermione gasped and turned to face Harry. Draco coughed. “I’d better get my coat.”

Harry shook his head. “Look,” he said once Draco returned, coat pulled on, tie still loosened from earlier. His hair was disheveled, his lips still slightly swollen. After she went down on him, he fucked her. Hard and against his desk. She bit his uninjured upper lip when he brought up moving in together, effectively shutting him up.

Harry continued, “I was ordered by Robarbs to give this one to you guys.” He scratched his chin and glanced down the hall. “I really can’t see this being him but, I was in his office when the call came in. So if something happens…”

“If this is an ambush, we’ll return here and kill Robarbs. Then we’ll take over the DMLE and declare you king.” Draco patted his shoulder and winked. “Right, Potter?” He pulled the report with the coordinates and read it over with a snort.

Harry shook his head, his chin lifting in distaste. “This isn’t a joke, Malfoy. We’ll have to arrest him. Things will get ugly.”

“Potter,” Draco lifted a brow. “Someone is trying to kill me and nearly killed Granger in the process. It’s already ugly. Killing the man responsible will make everything pretty. Trust me.”

“Please don’t, though.” Harry’s voice was monotonous, devoid of all humor. He was worried, of course he was. “Just, send a patronus my way, will you? Before you do anything crazy?” He looked to Hermione, pleading for her to agree with his big green eyes.

“Of course, Harry. I promise.”

Draco frowned but grabbed her by the hand before leading them to the room of apparation. They apparated into a driveway that was long and winding through trees and into a house upon a hill. It was luxurious and quiet and in the middle of nowhere. She could feel the wards magic pressing against her skin, demanding to figure out who she was.

Draco look unbothered, grinning slightly as he looked up at the house.

“There’s nobody around.” She glanced around. “Did we apparate directly into someone’s property?”

Draco said nothing and tugged on her hand, pulling her up the driveway. ““Draco, do you know where we are?”

“I do.” He nodded with a smile.

“Where are we?” She was hurrying alongside him, his stride long and brisk.

“Don’t worry, it’s safe.”

“What’s happening? Was there really a call?”

He glanced down at her and tilted his head. “There was really a call but, there was no crime.”

“Perverting the course of justice is a crime,” she huffed. ”Falsely reporting of a crime fall under that penalty.”

Draco laughed and stopped to turn to her. “Murdering assailants and covering them up is fine but reporting a false crime is inexcusable.” He grinned down at her like he loved her and her little swotty ways. “Youre adorable, you know that?”

Before she could protest or argue, he tugged her into him, his hands firm on her waist, and kissed her. He kissed her like they didn’t just finish shagging just twenty minutes ago. He kissed her like he couldn’t get enough.

It was wonderful. It was daunting.

“Get a room, you two!” A male voice called down from the house on the hill. “Better yet, don’t. Come here and give me a better view! “

Draco pulled away and laughed. Hermione peered up to see Theo smiling down at them. “This isn’t Theo’s house.”

“No, it’s not.” Draco smiled that smile of his he only allowed a few to see. Her, Theo and, “Pansy!” He called as a tall, slender woman stepped out of the house. Her sleek black hair was longer, past her shoulders.

Draco pulled her hand as he resumed their trek up the hill.

Hermione had only seen her a handful of times since she and Draco became close. Usually at bars. They were rare appearances but when she, Theo and Draco got together, it was surely to be riotous.

Hermione never told Draco that she felt little bites of jealous nipping at her chest and her cheeks whenever Pansy was around.

“So is it true, then?” She called down. She was holding a glass of champagne, her arms were crossed and her eyes were clearly scanning and scrutinizing Hermione from where she stood. “Did you finally bag your little Golden Girl?”

“I did.” Draco grinned and threw his arm around Hermione’s waist, pulling her against his body. “She even agreed to move in with me today.”

[serasarahhhh]

Author: Maxine Pairings: BakuDeku Rating: R Chapters: 14/? Notes: Accidental quirk shenanigans result in an unplanned pregnancy. Post-canon, no a/b/o dynamics. Summary: It's not that Katsuki didn't want kids. He figured he'd have them one day, probably. That he and Izuku would adopt or maybe figure something else out. This is NOT how it was supposed to go. ~~~~~ CHAPTER 14 “OI!” Katsuki barks at the rest of the room, even though most of its occupants are already staring at him with arched eyebrows. He swallows as everyone else turns their attention toward him, trying not to fidget in place or do anything that would make him fall. He’s not exactly at his usual level of coordination these days. “Real quick. Uh. I know I was kind of a last-minute addition to the staff roster and maybe some of you are wondering what the hell I’m doing here.” “Recovering from a thing!” Present Mic shouts, and then gives him a double thumbs up when Katsuki scowls. At his side, Vlad King starts snickering. “No – goddammit.” Katsuki huffs. “Look, I’ve been off field work for a few weeks and was getting sick of hanging around my agency not doing shit.” He tips his head in Tsuyu’s direction. “Froppy here was nice enough to suggest letting me double up with her and somehow we got Principal Nezu onboard. Probably just taking pity on me, but whatever. I’m gonna be even more of a pain for you people to deal with than I was in school because…” Katsuki cuts both hands in toward his stomach, more or less framing the bulging curve there. “I’m pregnant. Got hit with a Quirk. Shit happened. It’s Deku’s.” He puffs out a breath and jerks forward into a slight bow. “Thanks in advance for putting up with me, I guess.” “Young Bakugou, please get down,” All Might hisses out in an overly frantic tone, and this time Katsuki does as told. He even accepts the hand the older man holds out to assist him. “See, now that explains it,” a gruff voice says. Katsuki looks up to find Hound Dog stroking the bottom of his muzzle in a thoughtful sort of way. Most of the rest of the room seems completely unphased – likely a byproduct of having years under their belts as both pro heroes and teachers who’ve mentored hundreds of students with all manner of Quirks. They’ve all seen some shit, Katsuki realizes, and the bit of tension that had locked up his shoulders abruptly drains away. This probably isn’t even close to the weirdest thing any of them have dealt with. “Explains what?” Katsuki asks, somewhat warily. Hound Dog shrugs. “Your smell.” “…What?” “You smell pregnant. It was throwing me off.” “WHAT?!” “Maaaan, you’ve gotta share things like that!” Present Mic yells over at Houng Dog. “Spill the tea, share the juice, give me the gossip! How many times do I gotta tell you?!” “Way too early,” Aizawa grumbles again. He pulls open a drawer of a nearby desk and whips out a yellow sleeping bag that’s seen far better days. “Somebody wake me up when the opening ceremony starts.” “Shouta, did you know?” Present Mic demands, spinning toward him before Aizawa can fully disappear beneath the desk. “Shouta! HEY. Did you know??” “Oh man, I’m so glad I signed on this year,” Tokage utters in awe. She looks a little too gleeful, honestly. “This is great.” Tsuyu nods in agreement. “I wonder if it’s always this eventful.” “What the fuck does he mean, I smell pregnant,” Katsuki asks, scandalized. “Is that a fucking thing? Do I stink??” “It’s just his Quirk, Bakugou.” Tsuyu gives him a reassuring pat on the arm. “He probably picked up on the hormonal changes. Don’t worry about it. Want to go over the plans for our first classes?” Alright, well that’s gross and terrible to know. Continue reading at AO3. Through chapter 14 now posted!

[the-himawari]

A3! Usui Masumi - Translation [SSR] Gaze of Absolute Zero (2/3)

*Please read disclaimer on blog; default name set as Izumi

---

Omi: “Our chase ends here…!”

*swords clash*

Solider playing Harada: Great, you’ve nailed the vibe of the role perfectly.

Omi: Thank you very much.

Citron: “Let us make this quick. —Ha!”

*swords clash*

Citron: …Like so?

Soldier playing Yamanami: Fufu, that was spectacular. Your mood changes dramatically once you get into character.

Citron: You can leave any role to me!

Masumi: “Get out of my sight.”

*swords clash*

Solider playing Okita: The moves I taught him seem even more agile now. I don’t wanna lose~.

Masumi: Thanks.

Izumi: (They’ve been practicing at the dorm and putting in great effort preparing for each of their roles. It’s wonderful that things are progressing smoothly.)

Kondo: I gotta say, I was surprised that all your movements were practically perfect from the very first day! At this rate, maybe we should hold a full dress rehearsal to do even more fine tuning.

Izumi: That’s great to hear! I bet it’d help our members if they could coordinate their movements better for the actual show.

Kondo: Understood. Let’s go with that schedule from tomorrow on then. Alright, everyone. Let’s take a break for now!

Kusama: We’re going to prepare some snacks at the merchant house, so please have your rest there.

Citron: Thank you!

Solider playing Yamanami: Ah…!

Omi: What’s the matter?

Solider playing Yamanami: My shoelace suddenly snapped… I’m sorry, but please head over first with the others.

Izumi: Sure, no problem.

Kusama: …

-pause-

Solider playing Harada: I’ll get the snacks ready, so please wait over here.

Izumi: Thank you.

Omi: I feel a bit sorry for taking a break after just a light warm up.

Citron: I want to keep practicing my swordfighting!

*something shatters*

Masumi: …?

Omi: What was that sound just now…?

Citron: It sounded like something broke!

Izumi: Let’s check out what happened.

-pause-

Omi: Is everything alright?

Citron: Did something happen?

Soldier playing Harada: Ah… my hand slipped is all. No need to worry. I had the daifuku and mitarashi* dango all ready, but… I’ll remake the ones that fell, so please help yourselves to what’s already on table.

Omi: I’ll help you with remaking the portion that fell.

Solider playing Harada: Oh no, I couldn’t possibly…

Omi: I insist. I love to cook after all.

Solider playing Harada: Thanks. That’s a big help.

Omi: We’ll be right back, so you guys can start eating first.

Masumi: Got it.

Citron: Okay. So we’ll be carrying these over. They look tasty!

Kusama: …

-pause-

Citron: Now, time to dig in~… OH!? These mitarashi dango are just regular soy sauce dango!

Masumi: The red bean paste in these daifuku also taste salty…

Kusama: T-There’s no mistake about it…

Izumi: Kusama-san?

Kusama: From the shoelaces earlier to the plate and the flavourings… it must be a curse! Evil spirits must have gathered…!

Izumi: Curse? Evil spirits…?

Masumi: Isn’t it just a coincidence? The flavourings were just a careless mistake.

Citron: Masumi’s right. These things happen all the time.

Kusama: T-That’s not it… The theme of our show is evil spirits. That's why bad things are occurring… I have a feeling something else is going to happen…!

Citron: That is an exaggeration! You worry too much.

Izumi: I agree. I’m sure it’s just a series of coincidences.

Masumi: …

-pause-

Izumi: All of you look great in your soldier costumes!

Masumi: My sword is for you and you alone.

Citron: Masumi is the same as usual~. But more importantly, putting the costume on makes us feel more condiment!

Omi: It makes us feel more confident.

Guest A: Huh? Is something going on here?

Guest B: Aren’t those people here for the event tonight?

Izumi: (It looks like the guests have noticed us.) It’s a little early, but why don’t we get the props we’re going to use for the show ready?

Omi: Sounds good.

Solider playing Okita: That’s weird…

Solider playing Harada: Where did they go?

Citron: What’s wrong?

Soldier playing Yamanami: The props we’re going to use for the show are nowhere to be found.

Soldier playing Okita: They were supposed to be here, but…

Soldier playing Harada: We’ll be in trouble if we can’t find them.

Izumi: We’ll search with you guys.

---

*Mitarashi is a sweet soy glaze made from soy sauce, sugar, and cornstarch.

previous | next

[lgwonder]

This is from the same fic I posted about earlier - this scene is a bit after. I'm posting it because I need to overcome my anxiety of people reading my writing, so if someone reads this; enjoy I guess. (this has not been edited so it's probably horrible)

Ever since the king of hell had taken his nightmare from him and he’d been able to get some sleep, the saint had been making sure to make up with the radio demon. Okay sure, Takuma had done nothing to deserve the deer demon’s wrath, but that didn’t mean Takuma wasn’t the better person here. But as the activities coordinator and hotelier they needed to work together on several occasions, especially now that the hotel was getting much more foot traffic with news of Sir Pentious’ successful redemption.

Takuma wasn’t sure this wouldn’t blow up in his face though. Just because Alastor wasn’t triggering and tormenting him anymore, it didn’t mean he wasn’t above taking advantage of a situation to eat a saint that was alone and nobody could hear his screams,

Or everybody will hear my screams because he’ll broadcast it on his radio show.

Ding!

The evaluator doors opened for the top floor and Takuma stepped out. Arms linked behind his back; he turned instead of towards the king of hell’s door to walk in the opposite direction that only seemed to darken unnaturally as he walked further down the hall. It was obvious that Alastor was home, as Takuma saw from the corner of his eye the radio demon’s shadow followed him. Takuma had nothing to fear really, once he offered up his reason for bothering Alastor, he’d either slam the door in his face or let him in. So, the saint kept his spirits high, back straight and shoulders relaxed. The smile on his face never wavered and his apprehension stayed down deep in his gut.

When he stood in front of the door, he made eye contact with Alastor’s shadow. He gave a cheery smile and let his arms drop and bent forward so he could give a little half wave.

The shadow in question blinked before smiling and waving back and just as quickly as it was there, the shadow was gone, under the door. Before Takuma could have wondered if he’d done something wrong, the door opened, and no one was standing to greet him.

Takuma, hand still in the air with curled fingers, his smile dropped to one of owlish confusion as he allowed himself to bend forward a little more to look back and forth. Nope, no one was holding the door open or waiting to surprise him. The saint straightened and linked his arms behind his back again.

“No thank you, I’ve read enough horror stories, I know a trap when I see one.” He called out and for good measure took a half step away from the open door.

A full minute went by before Alastor appeared in his own doorway in a show of shadows, “My dear boy, if I didn’t know any better, I’d say you didn’t trust me!” He taunted glibly, with one hand on his chest as though he was hurt.

Takuma only smiled pleasantly in return and gave a tilt of his head to look even more harmless to this eldritch bitch, “I have manners though, I never enter a home without strict permission.” He remarked with a little lilt to his tone.

You will be nice and invite me in, or I’ll leave, and you’ll never know why I came here.

Of course, Alastor’s smile never wavered but he hummed his irritation before moving aside and waving the saint inside his quarters, “Please, do take your shoes off at the door.”

The little saint stepped inside and moved so the door could close, and he could bend down to untie his converse, setting them on the shoe matt by the door before standing and turning towards the sinner. He had to look up now that they were so close, he smiled and pushed his glasses up his nose.

“I had an offer I think might interest you, is there somewhere we can sit and talk?”

Alastor’s brows raised, his curiosity piqued, and he led Takuma towards a table and chair in his – his swamp? Oh, that was fucking sick. Takuma was distracted by the way the smell of plant decay hit him, the smell of stagnant water was so real, and the sound of critters and creatures could be heard everywhere around him, “Wow! I’ve only seen a swamp in shows or books.” He commented, his smile growing in wonder as his feet tried to take him deeper.

However, the tendrils of Alastor’s powers stopped him, tripping him backwards into a newly created chair that was promptly scooted in for him up to the table. Alastor had his elbows on the table and his chin resting on his connected wrists, “Try not to wander too far, little saint. I can’t guarantee the gators won’t see you as a snack.”

That was meant to be a threat, but Takuma only turned towards the body of water with excitement, “There’s gators here too? I’ve never seen one before.”

The sinner blinked several times and sat back in his seat. Not for the first time was he reminded that this was a literal child, someone who’d died too young to experience much of his time in the living realm. He watched the child start to catch on that there wasn’t anything to see, and disappointment was plain on his face, Alastor’s eye twitched and before he could stop himself, he waved his hand and a gator came up out of the water to breathe, it swam by leisurely while fireflies came to life around them.

Alastor watched the young saint light up like the child he was and take everything in at once. One of the fireflies floated in front of him and with careful movements, Takuma raised his hands to cup around the bug. Not to trap it, just to keep it in place for a bit longer. Alastor noticed a sincere grin take over the lad's previously curated expression and began to grasp what Maman found so endearing about him. When he was just a child experiencing happiness, he was tolerable.

Adorable

Once the firefly flew away, Takuma caught himself and turned back around to Alastor, “Sorry, I should explain why I’m here.”

Alastor chuckled and waved his hand dismissively, “No apologies necessary, I do love to entertain little minds.”

Instead of rising to the bait, Takuma smirked and replied, “Considering this is your swamp, you must be entertained all the time.”

That should have pissed the sinner off, but he only laughed at the gall of this child. Alastor had one hand on his chest and the other wiping away a tear from his eye before adjusting his monocle, “Oh child, do watch yourself, I may find you funny, but another demon would rip you limb from limb.”

“Now, tell me why you’re here.”

Takuma nodded and folded his hands on the table as he said, “I want to fix you cane.”

Alastor narrowed his eyes, “And how exactly do you plan on doing this? Angelic power is what broke it, might I remind you.”

Takuma expected this and held up a hand, in a cold mist of his magic a book appeared, and he flipped it to a section he needed, “Angelic magic can fix things, even if the object is cursed or corrupted. It does say, not expand energy on fixing cursed objects and dispose of them immediately instead, but that’s not my problem. What the seraphim don’t know won’t give me a headache.”

Alastor pulled the book closer to read through the passage. The lad was correct, but it also stated it took quite a bit of power to fix an object of power, “And you’re sure you have enough magic to do this?”

The little saint bristled now, “Yes! They gave me enough power to fend off an overlord, I think I can fix your cane just fine.” He pouted.

“Very well, and what do you get out of this deal?”

The little saint came up short, “Um, helping you?”

The sinner shook his head, “Now, I’d be a terrible adult if I didn’t teach a child how the real world worked. Nothing is free, my boy. Everything has a cost.”

Takuma frowned and crossed his arms, “Well, there’s nothing I really want. I just came here to help.”

Alastor chuckled, “How quaint. But you will have to broker a deal, whether its out of the goodness of your heart or not, I accept nothing without some form of payment.”

Takuma sighed and tried to think of something trivial that would work. There was nothing Alastor had or could do that he—oh.

“Can you teach me how to cook?” he asked.

The sinner grinned and laughed, “Cook? Fixing my staff and learning how to fry an egg do not equate to the same thing.”

Takuma squirmed in his seat and hunched his shoulders, how to explain this without making himself look stupid?

“Well, I don’t know how to use the stove or how to make anything that isn’t a sandwich or something in the microwave. I think being able to feed yourself is a pretty important thing, it matters as much to me as you having your power back does to you.”

Alastor hummed, “Oh, very well if you’d like to waste this opportunity far be it from me to push the subject. I will teach you how to cook for five days, breakfast, lunch and dinner. Five am for breakfast, eleven thirty for lunch and three o’clock on the dot for dinner. If you miss your time slot, I will not give you an extra day or wait around for you to show. Also, since I’m so generous, I’ll add in a guilt free favor from yours truly, that way the deal can balance out.” He held out his hand and smiled, “Do we have a deal, lad?”

Takuma had to sit up and reach over the table, but he did so with no hesitation, “It’s a deal!” he agreed and shook the sinner’s hand. Their magic was a burst of green and blue that took over the room and fled just as quickly.

Alastor smirked while his magic brought the broken cane to his hand, he pushed the book back to the saint and laid his broken cane on the table, “Give it a try, little saint, I suppose there’s not much worse you could do.”

The other grumbled under his breath and pulled the book closer and flipped to the page he needed before using his ice magic to hold the cane up to eye level. Alastor watched as he moved the pieces to match up perfectly with the broken sides and his magic slowly pushed the pieces together. Takuma looked down at the book, finger skimming the page before he nodded with confidence. A thin coating of ice covered the broken section and Takuma leaned close, closing his eyes and concentrating.

Alastor watched in growing interest as the ice sunk into the break, a crackle of his own green magic surged out while the soft cold mist of Takuma’s magic tried to mingle with it. He looked at the boy’s face and it contorted with effort, his breath coming out in icy huffs. The sinner blinked and lifted his hand over the broken staff, willing his magic to calm and accept the intrusion. In that moment, the crackling died down and the two magics merged and a distinct shink rang out in the quiet of Alastor room.

The radio cane hummed to life with renewed energy and Alastor picked it up, feeling his powers pulse through his body at full strength. The boy had done it, his cane was back at full power. He opened his eyes to give praise where it was due, and saw Takuma slouched on the table looking drained. When the two’s eyes met, Takuma straightened and smiled, even though his eyes were heavy, “Looks like it worked, I’ll get out of your hair now.”

Alastor watched him head towards his door, the boy obviously had over done it, but that wasn’t his problem. If he left and passed out near the king’s door, Lucifer would take care of him just fine.

His grip on the staff tightened as he watched Takuma catch himself before he fell while trying to put his shoes back on.

“Now, I’d be a poor host if I let you walk out of here without any kind of thank you.” He called and reappeared by the door and his tendrils removed the sloppily tied shoe from the boy’s foot.

“No need to leave so soon, I was just about to have some tea.” He explained and helped Takuma stand, gripping his shoulder when the child swayed and pushed him towards the radio demon's sitting area.

Takuma stumbled along and tried to look up at the demon, “You hate tea.”

Alastor’s tsked and pushed the child onto his couch, “Just lay down.” He ordered and pulled a soft blanket over the boy.

Takuma wanted to argue, but then Alastor’s fireplace came to life, blazing hot, and soft music started to play. Takuma’s eyes drifted shut and he sighed at feeling warm and safe.

[bonniehooper]

COMMUNITY REWATCH, 2x06: "Epidemiology"

-HALLOWEEN EPISODE!!!!

-Why is George Takai doing the voiceover for this episode?

-Well, this Halloween party definitely looks better than season one's.

-I forgot Dean Pelton was dressed Gaga. He looks great.

-Britta as a dinosaur is so cute. I love that they gave Gillian the cutest costumes last season and this season.

-Annie as Little Red Riding Hood is also really cute.

-Okay, Shirley is clearly dressed like Glinda from The Wizard of Oz, but I get the Miss Piggy joke since she is talking like her.

-Rich from Pottery class? I genuinely don't remember him coming back into the show.

-Is Abed and Troy's costume supposed to be Alien related?

-How did the taco meat turn Pierce into a zombie?!?!

-Love the Halloween intro.

-How do you guys not realize that everyone is turning into Zombies?

-I can't believe Troy just put some toilet paper around his neck and wrist and decided he was a "sexy Dracula".

-Rich, Annie, now is not the time to be flirting.

-Dean Pelton please stop being attracted to the disembodied voice on the phone.

-I love how even in zombie mode, Leonard leaves Shirley alone when she threatens him.

-Annie: "There's some kind of infection at the party making people act weird and bite each other. We need to coordinate an evacuation without causing unnecessary panic." *cut to leonard biting someone* Troy: "Holy crap, Leonard's a zombie." Well, there went that idea.

-*dean pelton locks the doors to the library so no one can leave* Jeff: (pulling on the door) "um? UM?"

-*jeff punches a lady dressed as a bee* Troy: "You punched a lady bee!"

-Troy: "Shouldn't we be barricading the room?" Abed: "I don't know. These guys don't seem so-" *looks out the window to see a bunch of hungry zombies* "I will help you."

-*shows rich checking to see if he was bit and he was* God damn it, Rich!!

-Britta was bit, too? And neither of them told because they thought they were special?!?!?!

-God damn it, Chang! Why would you throw the skate?! Now they have Annie, and you let them into the only place that might have been safe to hide from the zombies!

-Side note, the soundtrack for this episode is quite good.

-How did Shirley and Chang correctly guessing what the other's costume was turn into a make out session?

-*three cat jump scares* Jeff: "What is up with that cat?!" Troy: "Is someone throwing it?" Abed: "Let's keep moving." Jeff: "Let's not keep moving because there is an insane cat down here." Troy: "But what about the zombies?" Jeff: "Back burner, Troy. This cat has to be dealt with."

-*jeff getting attacked by zombies, but sees rich in his suit jacket* Jeff: "That's my jacket! My jacket, you're stretching it! You're stretching it!!" Even while being eaten Jeff cares about his fashion.

-Abed: "Go." Troy: "I'm not going without you." Abed: "Troy, make me proud. Be the first black man to make it to the end."

-Not Troy and Abed with the Leia and Han reference!

-I can't believe Troy just punched the Dean.

-Dean Pelton: "Are you crazy? How are you going to survive those zombies?" Troy: "I'm going to be a nerd." Dean Pelton: "Better have a Plan B!"

-Why did Troy spank Pierce?

-Troy: "Okay, okay. I've been bit, y'all. Damn. Congrats. You did what zombies do." The annoyance from Troy is so funny.

-Zombie Jeff standing there messing with his phone, while Troy crawls to the thermostat and calls Jeff "cool" is so good.

-I love the fact that Troy and Abed still do their handshake as zombies.

-Zombie Annie studying is so ridiculous.

-I can't believe that Jeff comes out of his zombie state and immediately starts actually texting.

-Were they about to kill Dean Pelton?

-So, they erased their memories?

-Still wondering why George Takai is doing the voiceover.

-Chang leaving a voicemail so that someone would know he slept with Shirley is so funny.

-Troy: "Why did he call me?" Valid question Troy.

[randomly--accessed--memories]

Decided to do some channel surfing of my own and transcribe some real TV snippets to use for Vox's dialogue at some point.

"We’re celebrating the legends."

"–and they pull these people out of the bus one by one. They’re risking their lives, being toppled over by the wind, getting hit, one of these people could easily get killed."

"Goooo England!" "Hi! We’re going away for a while and we wanted you to know where, since you’d worry and wonder."

"Bon Appetit." "Thank you very much. That’s a nice place. Always listen to a gas station attendant. They know where to eat." "Uh huh."

"So that was all taken and analyzed. They mentioned to us, they said, hairbrush, uh, it had *name*’s hair in there, but also found a, uh… synthetic hair."

"–to tell you that your shower doesn’t work as well as you think it does and *name* is clinically proven to work better than a shower with soap. Give *name* a try and see what happens because your body has never been so odor-free as it will be with *name.*"

"–the logistics can get a little crazy. So on the day of the book signing, what happened?" "Well, the books weren’t there." "Okay, then what did you do?" "So I went into overdrive and ran down to *name* and got some–"

"At the moment, it’s going to primarily be me, but after talking to our son and that ability–"

"I remember the little drink from the same bar, in the same bar." "How old were you when you went?" "Twenty-eight. I honestly didn’t prefer that type of beer. I prefer blondes."

"A technician tweaks the machine’s computer program to fine-tune the drop-off coordinates. After all, releasing the cones too soon could cause them to topple."

"Your ears must be burning! Do you think you could do me a favor? Can I get a few more of those pain killers." "Shoulder acting up again?" "Obviously, that’s why I’m calling you."

"Mommy, why did someone kill Daddy?" "People do bad things–"

"Please don’t hate me." "Think I’m gonna go check on the rest of the horses." "I’ll see you around, okay?"

"That balance is key to a healthy gut environment. *Name* plant-based, prebiotic fiber gently nourishes the good bacteria, working with your body to help your gut and you flourish effortlessly every day. Grow what feels good, with *name.*"

"–Man will lend people money the spur of the moment." "You are married to one of the wealthiest women in Georgia. Why do you need to go to a loanshark? All you have to do is ask your wife!"

"A 50% discount on a second one! You get it all! An incredible value! Order now!"

"Yes it is." "Take off your shirt." "Okay." "Oh, we’re gonna need more wax!" "I’m staying, this is gonna be good!"

"Perhaps finding your perfect match. Too good to be true can be true. New *name* cold brew."

"Oh, you don’t know?"

"The prosecution laid out their case using an enormous amount of evidence, including one of the getaway vehicles, the note found in *name*’s house on which the crime stoppers’ tip ID number had been written."

"–could have hoodwinked it. Magic way beyond the talents of a fourth-year!" "You seem to have given this a fair bit of thought, *name*!" "It was once my job to think as dark wizards do, *name*, perhaps you–"

"I swam for about five minutes. The shore wasn’t getting any closer. I felt really weak."

"Our aviary team cares for our shoebill here, currently. Because this animal is going to be living with *name*, our primate team will actually be caring for her, so it’s really important that they work together."

"*Censored* idiot!" "Oh, now I’m an idiot?"

"Step out of their homes and paddle past wild mangrove forests, just as people have been doing on the Florida coast for centuries."

"–the horrors of the first World War that they had to really think the unthinkable." "The mergers creates one of the most prolific car making entities in history. A company that will go on to bring in over one hundred billion dollars."

"Its main objective: go out and rip open the enemy armor like a can opener with an attitude. Fire!"

"May lead to dehydration, which may cause kidney problems." "With *name,* I’m losing weight," "I’m keeping it off," "And I’m lowering my CB risk!" "That’s the power of we!"

"It was a game changer for my patients." "Try *name* mouthwash."

"Why take less when you can get a beefy, five-layer burrito, a chalupa supreme, a double stacked taco, and a drink for just $7?"

"Representative!" "Command unclear. Goodbye." "Hello?" "Flight cancelled." "With *name,* nothing stands between you and what you want to watch. Just say “for you” into your *name* voice remote to jump back into your favorites."

"–in your state have problems with taking that out. That is not Pennsylvania!" "When I went to the judge to get released. Y’all keep playing these games with me!"

"It’s showtime for the *name* tour bus." "Riding on a bus, you have a lot of time. Time to create. That’s what our clients do. They create music."

"–they were given what they considered physical proof. One Alaskan native said that they had ivory to prove it."

"He was actually just saying last night 'Ah! I should’ve ask for something for drinks and wine and things like that.'" "Okay, we’re way ahead of you. We felt the vibes, you know, that kinetic energy. Ha ha ha!"

"Oh, what a beautiful day. So, today’s the day we give the dome back to the *name* family, and we are ready to go. Perfect!"

"*Name* helps me to look on the outside the way I feel on the inside." "When you order *name* today, you get all of this: a $247 value! That’s already an incredible deal at $69.95! But smart shoppers who use the promo code “SAVE20” will get an additional $20 off!"

"–of the United States, because *name* has no other pathway." "Is it winning or is it reducing the amount by which *indecipherable* rural voters? You have a very large rural population."

"You just kinda see through the mirror them seeing themselves for the first time." "That was the start of my new life and it was very emotional."

"Offended me. I heard messages that didn’t sit well with me. Actually– what is his name– Richard, a good old boy. He was a good guy, I liked him."

"Which I will discharge, unconditional, to honor the new president-elect and do everything possible to help him bring Americans together in fulfillment of the great vision that our declaration of independence defines–"

"So, *name* is going to get us to AGI?" "You know, we are committed to making foundational progress, uh, towards AGI and bold and responsible way, and so, you know, focus on the effort to do that."

"But he vows to fight to prove that he had nothing to do with the abduction of convenience store clerk, *name,* back in 1994." "Well, I’d rather die out there than die in here."

"Except that it means people are taking fewer precautions in spreading other STDs. Two other diseases bear mentioning: common illnesses like flu and strep throat have–"

"–information is so impactful is because it has been researched. They understand that these are the messages that are going to break through and seize hold and make people uncomfortable. So I think that one of the things that’s different about the fear mongering now, is that it actually–"

"But the fact is, right after that, she got all types of blowback on social media. Everybody saying 'Oh my God, is she actually a *name* fan?' Which to her– you know, something I love that she did–"

"–double eagle. Each coin is struck in .25 *indecipherable* ounces of .999 pure silver. The final issue price was to be set at $39 per coin, but during this–"

"Look, check my computer, my records, whatever you want. We run a legitimate business here." "You give us permission to search the premises?" "Yes, yes, if you need to. I have nothing to hide."

"So chic, so sleek."

"You’re all clear kid! Now, let’s blow this thing and go home!" "Great shot, kid! That was one in a million!" "Remember, the Force will be with you, always."

"Over two grand! See how much you can save when you dare to compare! In store or at *name*.com"

"At *name,* we know that not all paint is created equal. So they do it right. Start with our most durable paint–"

"For a limited time, *name* just dropped the price of every foot-long in the app to $6.99! Wait, *name* did what?! $6.99 foot-long?!"

"Who. did. this?" "We did. One way or another, *name* always gets his man. And like that, they were gone."

"Who are you? What’s your phone nu–" "What’d I miss?" "The cases of *name*: all new, Friday at 9:00. On *name.*"

"Yeah. Yeah, it was so nice to meet you all. Buddy, come on, let’s do this." "Thanks to my awesome team, we were able to make this house look so cool, and we got a strong offer of $360,000."

"–outside my door / Hello / Is it me you’re looking for?"

"*Name*! I don’t have much time *name,* so let me get straight to it. Did you or did you not put your name into the *name*?" "No!" "Shh! I had to ask."

"–separate and equally important groups. The police, who investigate crime, and the district attorneys, who prosecute the offenders. These are their stories."

"I think *name* understands me. When I’m speaking to her, she cuts me off, or she’ll be like 'No, no. I know, I know, I know.'" "Ooo, that’s not good. Where do you think this is going to end up?" "I don’t know, but they have to talk it out!"

"This house has its challenges, but they wouldn’t trade it for the world." "Heyyyy! It’s looking good!" "Yeah, it’s gettin’ there, right?" "Yeah, babe!"

"It’s these moments at the table with family and friends– "perfect!" –that matter most."

"Just like the Bermuda Triangle, the Alaska Triangle is a place of mysterious events and unexplained phenomena. And one of the strangest stories has emerged from the depths–"

"What an *censored*! Can you imagine having that guy on your tail? 'Yeah, I might be going slow, but you’re behind me, *censored*!'" "I look into the viewfinder like–"

"–ample way of moving your couch around?" "Nuh-uh. It’s an exercise class where you punch and you kick til you can’t think of anything else no more. No, uh, no, actually. Punch, kick, kick, squats!"

"Beautiful is an understatement, *name*, and it’s also one of the best bodies of water in the nation. Look at those day one waits for our top ten." "Yeah, very much, uh, tightly grouped there in the top ten. *Name* on top."

"–team to the Super Bowl. I think *name* hit upon it, and last night was a perfect of. That *name*'s offense is–"

[howlingdemon13]

#3, 11 and 14 please!

3.) One of the funniest things that’s ever happened to you:

At the time, it was stressful and kinda scary. Back in August, my “host brother” was getting married and flew some of my family out to Slovakia to attend (which is insanely generous). We were there for a week and we were doing a bit of sightseeing in some neighboring countries. My grandma was suddenly adamant that we go to Budapest to do a boat cruise down the Danube because a friend of hers had done it. This was planned literally the night before, so you know it can only get worse from here. After a very stressful train ride, scrambling to get local currency (thank god I brought my debit card), and trying to verify our train tickets for the return journey, we rushed out to the taxi parking with about 15 minutes left to get on the boat for the river tour. Keep in mind that my grandma is completely oblivious to the panic (which idk if that makes it better or worse). Our driver had lived in the US and spoke enough English to make up for what little Hungarian I practiced to get us by, so off we went. For the next 15 minutes, he told us about his time in San Francisco and pointed out some landmarks and told us a little bit about the Communist era architecture. I think it was how casually he was giving us all this info, coupled with how panicked we were about potentially missing our boat that made it funny looking back. We pulled up the the wharf with maybe a minute to spare, I gave the guy a massive tip (minimum amount of forint I could get was $60 worth, and let’s face it, the guy deserved way more for having to deal with a gaggle of Americans and for being a literal miracle worker), and we basically ran onto the boat. The thing that made it genuinely funny was my brother. As soon as we sat down, he said “we were one history lesson away from missing this fucking boat.” I lost it. I guess it’s one of those things where you had to be there, but my mom and I had been running on fumes planning this whole thing the night before that the relief and the comment kinda broke me.

11.) Something you’ve always wanted to learn:

Archery. Years ago, I went with a friend to a place in Chicago where you can get an hour lesson with other people, and it was really fun. I actually have pretty good aim. I guess I just don’t really have the time or resources right now to seriously consider pursuing it, but it’s something I would totally do in the future.

14.) Something you’re learning right now and want to share:

Social jazz dances I just learned the Charleston and now I’m slowly working on the 30’s variation. I don’t have the best hand-eye coordination, and I broke a bone in my foot last year, so progress has been slow.