#can think of three fics offhand where it showed up

[mikkeneko]

just remembering a while back (can no longer recall the context) when someone was complaining about translating yinhufu as the Stygian Tiger Seal because 'stygian' is an archaic Greek word not used in english. and I was like wdym. I use stygian all the time

[miraculouslbcnreactions]

Hey have you broken down Marinette's crush on Adrien and the ways in which it

A) misrepresents how teen girls get crushes on people they actually know and

B) sets Marinette up to seem really weird in a way the show literally cannot address because the universe thinks it's fine?

I know you can't prevent people from misinterpreting your show, but i think at the point where a significant portion of your audience and people with secondhand knowledge think of your main character as a stalker, that's a breakdown of communication on the writers part.

I've mentioned it offhand a few times, but I can go into it in more depth because it is a pretty massive writing flaw for reasons we're about to get into.

Marinette is not written like a teenager with a crush on her friend. She's not even written like a stalker. She's written like a teenager with a celebrity crush or a crush on a fictional character. In fact, if you go read fics from when the show first started airing, then you'll find that a lot of people assumed that Marinette's crush came from before she met Adrien or that it was rooted in a love of his professional work. That she was a fan who suddenly got to meet her idol and didn't know how to handle that.

I completely understand why that read was so popular. It's the only thing that makes sense! I assumed that was the case, too, until we got to Origins and her crush suddenly went from "obvious celebrity crush" to "crush with actual depth that's just been badly written."

While I'm ace, most of my friends are not, so I am very familiar with the experience of teenage girls getting crushes. I'm also deeply familiar with the experience of teenage girls getting crushes on celebrities and fictional characters. I, unfortunately, also know quite a bit about stalking. The three experiences are wildly different. For now, let's focus on the first two.

Celebrity crushes and crushes on fictional characters are experiences rooted in fantasy. You can be as over the top as you want because you know that nothing will come of this. You can go to a concert and scream the cute boy's name or have his posters all over your walls or publicly squeal about him with your friends without caring if people overhear because you don't expect him to ever care or even learn about your behavior. You know that you will never actually date him. He's a dream. A fantasy. A thing that will never be. That's the fun of this kind of crush. There's freedom in it. (This isn't unique to hetero crushes, btw, this was just an example based on my lived experience.)

I have strong memories of my best friend acting like Marinette, but only when it came to fictional men. When she was crushing on guys that she actually knew? The experience was wildly different because it was real. This could actually be a thing. She's not the only woman that I can say that about, either. I had many friends who had a celebrity or fictional crush and none of them ever carried that behavior over to their "real world" crushes. The stakes with the "real world" crushes were far too high for that sort of freedom.

Writing Marinette like someone with a celebrity crush is a terrible call on multiple levels. The most obvious issue is that it makes her look unhinged and creepy. While I don't agree with this take, I'm not surprised that people label her a stalker because celebrity crush behavior feels really creepy when it's applied to a person that you actually know. Whenever stories do the thing where someone meets their celebrity crush and actually gets to know them, there's normally a noticeable shift in their behavior as the character mentally goes, "Oh shit, you're real now." They lose the freedom that came with this being a mere fantasy.

The other issue with this writing choice is that it makes Marinette's crush feel superficial. The show spends hours letting her fantasize and obsess over Adrien, but rarely lets her actually spend time with the poor guy! It's incredibly awkward writing. You could have Adrien be a celebrity that Marinette never met and a lot of the episodes wouldn't change. That's not a great choice if your goal is to write an actual romance. Romances generally let the romantic leads interact.

As creepy and awkward as Marinette's writing can be, I will stand by my statement that she's not a stalker. She's nowhere near that unhinged. She's not stealing Adrien's things or following him home every day or breaking into his private spaces because she knows that they have a "special connection". We're never once made to feel like she's making him uncomfortable or harassed. Those are the kinds of things that stalkers do. They're delusional and divorced from reality. Do any of you really believe that Marinette would keep pursuing Adrien if he told her to back off? Hopefully the answer is "no" and, if so, then she's really not written like a "true" stalker because true stalkers just get dangerous when you say "no." They don't respect things like firm boundaries or restraining orders.

Watching Adrien's public appearances isn't violating his privacy and that's mostly what Marinette does. The rare occasions where she follows him somewhere private mostly revolve around someone else doing something questionable first, making Marinette's actions less "I want to see Adrien" and more "I'm worried for Adrien's safety and I'm doing something questionable because of that". The first is the behavior of a stalker, the second is... well, I'm not going to call it good behavior, but it's certainly not straight up bad behavior because the show isn't treating these moments as wrong so it's less Marinette being wrong and more the writers making really questionable writing choice. I mean, one of her break-ins was literally forced on her and orchestrated by her friend group! (See: Gabriel Agreste)

In fact, most of Marinette's creepiest behaviors fall under the "questionable writing choice" category as they're often just very obvious jokes of questionable quality. For example, I've seen people freak out about her having Adrien's schedule and it's like, guys, you do realize that was literally impossible, right? She claimed it was his schedule for the next three years! Nathalie doesn't even have that! You don't schedule things that far in advance unless it's a major event. It's impossible to take this claim seriously if you think about it for five seconds.

If you wanted to treat this schedule claim seriously and have it match the show's tone, then you'd have to tone Marinette's claim down, too. It would go from having his schedule for the next three years to just being aware of what he does on a weekly basis because they're friends and in the same class and you just sort of learn this stuff if you pay attention. How does Marinette know that Adrien has fencing on Wednesday? Because he has fencing every Wednesday. That's how this stuff tends to work.

I don't blame anyone for disliking the way that Marinette's crush was written. I don't like it either! It leaves a lot to be desired! The show would have been much better if they scrapped using Marinette's crush as the main source of comedy, but then they would have had to let Marinette and Adrien become close and we can't have that because it breaks the formula. The simple truth of the matter is that Marinette is written the way she is as a stalling tactic, which the episode Simpleman straight up admits:

Marinette: What am I doing, honestly? The truth is, I'm scared that Adrien will reject me if I tell him how I feel about him. That's why I over complicate everything, so that moment never comes.

In this scene, Marinette is claiming that this is a her thing, but it's really more of a writing thing. Miraculous is a formula show. Part of the formula is the akuma/sentimonster of the week and part of the formula is Marinette trying and failing to confess her crush. The show makes this pretty obvious, but if you want a more official source that this is what's going on, then here you go:

[The writing director] sold the Miraculous series to broadcasters as a formula show.... [This is why] Marinette tries to confess her love for Adrien in every episode, but is unable to do so.

They made Marinette's failure to confess part of the weekly formula which means that there can never be any romantic progress, thus Marinette being written like a fan obsessed with her idol instead of a teenage girl with very real feelings for her kind sweet friend. The first makes for an easy formula, the second won't work in that model. It requires there to be progress and a planned endgame. I'm not against formula shows, but this is a terrible element to make part of the formula!

The same issue plagues Adrien, too. It's the main reason why Chat Noir can come across as overly pushy. He's not allowed to move on just like Marinette isn't allowed to confess her feelings because they're the endgame couple. But we keep pushing back the endgame by adding seasons and so it's all become a total mess with terrible pacing and awkward, unhealthy relationships dynamics that really aren't suited to the genres or audience that Miraculous is clearly aiming for.

[snickerdoodlles]

I was gonna ask you for ☕☕☕ on Kim characterisations but I know that could put you at risk of assassination 💀 so free choice! Any ☕ on anything you need to get off your chest - I love u

😂 it is a choose violence game, let's play with fire 🔥 three Kim characterizations i don't much care for:

writing Kim as really old

like. hmmmm. i feel like a lot of fic out there is just really bad at characterizing young 20 yos, there are a lot of stories that write Kim's vibes like he's 38 yo or something. it's. bizarre. 21/22 yo is still so young. there's still so much uncertainty at that age and so much self-discovery to come. i've complained about this before so i don't want to just rehash that but. yeesh. some people really kinda suck at writing "kid in college" aged characters.

not letting Kim be playful

honestly, this one kinda follows on the previous point? there's a very annoying trend of writing ~older~ characters as only ever very serious. and like, aside from the irritation at the way people are really bad at early 20s vibes, people never outgrow playfulness. in canon, i'm pointing to Porsche trapping Kinn under the sheets and farting or them huffing their morning breaths in each other's faces (i love u canon ❤). but people still do ridiculous shit at 40/50/60/70/80/ALL THE AGES too. 40yo sisters who greet each other by punching the other in the boob. the 60yo neighbor who tells me my shoelaces are untied every time he sees me in sandals. the 50yo uncle who flicks popcorn in the mouths of anyone who falls asleep during movie night. there's no age limit to this sort of thing!

but while some of the ultra seriousness seems to be a weird age thing, it's like people also missed that Kim is playful? he's very intense when he's in mafia business mode and he's a nightmare to the guards (❤), but he plays along with Khun. he teases Chay. he has a good rapport with other university students. he can be more lowkey playful than others, but Kim's not made of stone, he has his fun too.

Wik being a burden on Kim

this one starts running into differences in headcanon-- like personally, i'm looking for fics where Wik is Kim's home. i've cried about this elsewhere so i'll keep it short, but Wik is the life Kim poured blood, sweat, and tears into to build up brick by brick. Wik is the life Kim wants, it's the parts of him he thinks are the best of him. i actually make the MC of the ep4 university one of Kim's best friends (i call him Green), and one of my favorite headcanons i've come up with for them is that everyone thinks Green twists Kim's arm into doing outreach events, but actually Green is Kim's connection to university news because he loves doing them but never knows who to ask. Kim desperately wants to be a source of good inspiration to others and have purpose outside of violence, and Wik is his way of doing that. Wik is not a burden on Kim (in fact, i'd argue Kim all but said he is a burden on Wik, but i digress).

so, that's my personal preference for Kim's relationship with Wik, but obviously not everyone's going to have the same characterization and that's cool. where i start to get annoyed is when people write him as very...hmm. dismissive? of it. or otherwise seems like he doesn't like any aspect of it. i straight up back click on any fic that has Kim fuck up the name of some popular musician. this is not a specific call out, but for example-- i remember reading something where there was this offhand line of Kim being like "and there's a request for a show with some other musician, wangson jack?" and just. no. back click, goodbye, nope. shit like that really starts to bug me. some of it is personal irritation at how awful a lot of english speakers are towards asian artists (which like. random fandom people are not at fault for the crimes of USamerican music reporters. but maybe consider that until people overall are less shitty and dismissive towards them, one off lines referencing real life musicians like this are better off deleted). but over all i just...really, really dislike disrespectful attitudes like that (esp for something related to the arts) and i don't want to read them in my favorite character. Kim is pursuing a career in the music industry for himself--Kim being, u know, Kim, he's going to take it very seriously and with that, also hold a lot of respect towards his fellow musicians generally speaking. at the very least, he's going to be cordial and pleasant with them because no one likes working with an asshole and Kim is trying to keep his mafia bullshit far away from his Wik goals. not everyone's going to have the same characterization headcanons i do for how much i think Kim would pour himself into music and love it, but i really don't vibe with any take where Wik is a burden on or a drag for Kim.

and a bonus ☕ because i luv u too anon: anything where Kim doesn't love his brothers or sees them as actual competition instead of the ones he wants to protect the most. this is not a surprise to anyone here, u all know how much i love brothers, but i've noticed that fandom gets kinda caught up in the chess metaphors sometimes. and to that i say: 1. Terry Pratchett yall: sin is when you treat people like things. 2. Terry Pratchett again: chess is a stupid ass metaphor for real life. 3. kp canon agrees with that. Korn is shit at playing chess. (the fucking. ep1 game. omfg. Chan is all but eating his pieces to let Korn win. i'm still howling over the scholars mate in ep5.) Korn is noticeably shit at all his hobbies that are metaphors for controlling people. which is the point! the boys fail every time they try to play his games, because you cannot play people like you would a game. every triumph is rooted in overturning the game board completely.

[ send a ☕, get a bitchy* fic opinion ]

*personal preference related, we’re not here to be mean

[monstermoviedean]

having kind of a blah day, sooo i’m wondering, what are your happiest, cutest, etc headcanons about tfw? and, or alternatively, what are your favorite fics (not super long ones though) that always make you smile?

i'm sorry it's blah! i am going to outsource the fic recs - anyone got something short and sweet to share? :) (i really enjoy reading fic but haven't been reading anything lately so nothing's coming to mind, sorry!)

happy cute headcanons i can do all day long though!!! i was just thinking about dean joining a bowling league so thank you for giving me an excuse to think more about it. so this is post-canon, post-empty rescue, big-beautiful-and-dumb-in-love dean. he's trying to get out more and have more hobbies, figure out what he likes now that he has time/space to do that. and he joins a bowling league! i think he's like, fine at it. not great, not terrible, just fine. and that's okay! he has fun anyway! he gets to meet a bunch of new people and while they play they chat about their jobs and kids and pets and other hobbies. and while dean is annoyed that he isn't a great bowler, everyone else encourages him to just have fun. they're happy to give him tips and he returns the favor with car advice and recipes and the like. they're his buddies! they're always happy to see him! and dean gets to hang out and eat some wings and just shoot the shit.

the problem is that he mentions his crappy scores offhand to cas, and then cas shows up at his next league night to give him some pointers. dean's eating bacon cheese fries and laughing about someone's ridiculous coworker story and all of a sudden cas is right behind him saying "hello dean" into his ear. he chokes spectacularly on his fries. dean's bowling buddies have all heard about cas but are eager to actually meet him and give dean a bit of a hard time about it, which they do. dean is still coughing and red-faced and his face gets even redder when cas says he'll show dean how to bowl.

cas bowls a perfect strike but dean didn't see any of it because he was distracted by how tight cas' pants are. and then to add insult to injury, it's dean's turn, and he is so flustered he rolls an immediate gutter ball, prompting cas to say "let me help you." and then he does the classic rom-com thing where he plasters himself right against dean's back and manhandles dean into an appropriate bowling stance and dean can feel cas breathing on his neck and he's just trying not to drop the ball on his foot as cas puts a hand on each of dean's hips and shifts him just so. dean has absolutely no idea what he throws. but he definitely hears cas say "good job, dean" and that makes everything a million times better/worse. he makes up some stupid excuse to go to the bathroom. when he gets back 15 minutes later, all of dean's bowling buddies are nice enough to pretend they didn't see cas follow him into the bathroom and then come out again exactly three minutes after dean does.

[blouisparadise]

Today we have the fourth part to our established relationship rec list for you! If you'd like to check out the previous parts, you can find part one here, part two here, and part three here. If you enjoy our rec lists, please show these fics love and be sure to like and reblog this post to help spread the word. Happy reading!

1) Heaven In These Sheets | Explicit | 3,557 words

Bunny Hybrid Louis has it out for his boyfriend’s phone.

2) Comfort Is Found When I'm the Only Thought on Your Mind | Mature | 5,087 words

Prompt 396: Established relationship - very domestic PWP. Louis complains about being out of his favorite moisturizer, and Harry suggests giving him a facial.

3) Stripper | Not Rated | 6,579 words

Harry is a bartender at the same strip club Louis works at. They're a power couple.

4) Call My Love In | Explicit | 6,601 words

And it’s cheeky and bold and so fucking Louis that Harry’s almost blindsided by it, takes it like a slap in the face to be reminded, yet again, that he is so eternally thankful to have found this boy. This boy who will bite at him with words, with teeth, will claw at him with hands, will destroy his heart by loving it fiercely, will put it back together again with a look, with a thought, and is never, ever, afraid to be so utterly himself around him; Harry’s so in love he can’t think straight.

5) Act Out | Explicit | 6,721 words

Harry leans forward so he's closer to Louis's ear, and murmurs, "If I was your husband, I'd never let you out of my sight." It’s ridiculous. He is his husband. There’s hundreds of photos, and official papers, and rings, and two babies with the last name Tomlinson Styles that prove it. But it’s also possessive, and hot and Louis doesn’t know what he was expecting when Harry told him he wanted to try roleplaying a little, but so far he’s not complaining.

6) Alone Too Long | Explicit | 10,371 words

By the time The Temptress finally reached bay, the Captain only had one thing on his mind, and that one thing was Louis Darling.

7) Under the Same Sun | Explicit | 10,662 words

Louis and Harry live 400 miles away from each other. Sometimes it’s hard. (internet boyfriends, indie bands, and happy endings) “I already miss you. I miss you all the damn time.” Louis says, because it’s late enough for honesty.

8) Out Of The Woods | Explicit | 15,560 words

The past and the future merge to meet us here. What luck. What a fucking curse.

9) Everything I Do | Explicit | 16,390 words

Harry’s ready, has been for a while now, and he’s fairly certain Louis is too, it just hasn’t been on the top of their priority list. There have been offhand mentions, a comment here and there, more in jest than anything, no serious discussion or consideration. Harry stands up straighter, a stomach-churning thought forming in his mind. Has Louis been waiting for him to ask?

10) Three's A Crowd, Four's A Party | Mature | 16,659 words

Harry and Louis tell their five year old they're pregnant.

11) Were We Ever This Young? | Explicit | 17,296 words

Hogwarts AU in which Harry and Louis both return to give talks to seventh years about the 'real world' with slightly varying results. Inspired by the Chilton scene between Rory and Paris in the new Gilmore Girls.

12) Under the Lights Tonight | Explicit | 20,905 words | Sequel

Note: There is a BH mention.

Harry’s an A-list supermodel, Louis’s his make-up artist boyfriend. They’re something of a dream team.

13) Suddenly They're Right | Explicit | 22,384 words

Louis is a painting professor with an art block the size of Texas and a global superstar for a non-boyfriend, who he wants to keep.

14) Wrote You a Love Letter | Not Rated | 23,092 words

Where Louis writes love letters to Harry through the good and bad times over their years together, until the very end.

15) The Devil’s In The Details | Explicit | 25,372 words | Sequel

He squeals when Harry smacks his bum as he bends over to pick up his bag, swinging it over his shoulder. Harry smiles smugly at him, bottom lip caught between his teeth. “When are you going to start calling me professor?” He asks. “When you actually are one,” Louis says with his hand on the doorknob. He cocks his head to the side in curiosity. “Isn’t that how words work? You did study English, right?” Louis’ quick to slip out the door before Harry can smack him again, his laugh echoing through the hallways as he makes his way to his next class with flushed cheeks and a bright smile.

16) Fetish For My Love | Explicit | 27,388 words

Louis has too many worries to even think about a moment of peace in the days that now exhaust him and become a complete rush for him. Fortunately, Harry doesn't take long to take care of the matter as he knows that he has wanted it so much, finding the solution in a particular sheet full of colored stickers.

17) Lovin' Online | Not Rated | 27,627 words

“Huh?” Harry asks, muffled by his forearm. He feels lips on his face and the tip of Louis’ nose against his ear when Louis repeats himself. Brain sluggish with sleep, it takes a moment for him to process the words, but his eyes snap open, and he’s met with darkness. He's got to be dreaming, there’s no way Louis just said what he thinks he said. “What did you say?” He can see the vague shrug from Louis before he turns around to toss the towel with the pile of their discarded clothes. “Did you say…” he starts slowly, automatically slinging his arm around Louis as he gets back into bed and throws the blankets over them. “That we should make a sex tape?” Louis asks rather nonchalantly for such a big proposition. He cuddles easily into the warm body and confirms, “Yes, I did.”

18) Like The Stars Above | Explicit | 33,759 words

Louis has a witchy little secret that is slowly ruining his relationship. When that secret comes out, it turns out that he has a lot more to worry about than just losing the love of his life. He might lose everything.

19) Beneath The Shining Stars | Explicit | 35,207 words

A Hamlet retelling/AU on steroids, where Harry is Hamlet, Louis is Horatio, and comedic chaos ensues (with a dash of tragedy). Featuring the rest of OT5 and the original characters of Shakespeare's "Hamlet".

20) These Hallowed Woods | Not Rated | 35,535 words

Louis becomes Luna of the Tomlinson Pack after the untimely death of his father, the Pack Alpha. Saddled with his newfound responsibility and an unpleasantly demanding pack council, he finds secret respite in the arms of a rogue wolf that camps out just outside his territory. The only problem? The rogue has no idea who Louis actually is, and as Louis falls harder and harder for the man he escapes to every night, the weight of his lies steers him along a path of certain misery.

21) This Glass House | Mature | 42,072 words

While deployed, Alpha Harry gets injured by an IED explosion, leaving him to deal with severe injuries in its devastating aftermath. During his road to acceptance and recovery he learns with the help of Louis and their children just how important family can be for the mind, body, and soul.

22) Show Me Life Like I've Never Seen | Mature | 42,948 words

Louis never expected to leave the small art studio three blocks down from his job with anything besides the painting he caught a glimpse of and simply couldn't forget.

23) Til' The Darkness Softly Clears | Explicit | 45,430 words

Something thuds nearby, and Callie sits up in bed, eyes still fuzzy from sleep. She yawns and rubs her eyes, looking around the room for the source of the noise. When she doesn’t see anything, she huffs quietly. Sliding to the floor, her feet take her towards the door. At the doorway, something disturbs the silence again: the distant sound of footsteps. Callie holds her breath and creeps out of the room. On the landing, she stands on her toes to peer over the railing. She can see the front door, and, outside, through the windows on either side of the door, she sees a shadow pass by. It walks one way, then disappears from sight for a second before it turns and walks back in front of the door. Callie’s eyes widen, and she backs up from view when the figure pauses its pacing directly in front of a window. Slowly, it turns, and it seems to stare right through the window, directly at her.

24) Flash Back To Me | Explicit | 73,068 words

Louis narrows his eyes, wanting more than anything to tell Liam to go fuck himself, but he can’t be sure, is the thing. As much as he knows for a fact that he would never date someone like Harry Styles, he has months missing from his memory. And it’s scary to think that, in that time, everything he’s come to know about himself could have changed so drastically.

Check out our other fic rec lists by category here and by title here.

[nanatsuyu]

do you have any recommendations of fics that are about kandrews relationship/friendship?? (either way its fine)

their dinamic is just so interesting to me, i think we need more fics that explore it

also i love their friendship in blueberry pancakes

oh man oh man i always have so many scenes bopping in my head from fics about them ;; but heres some from my top bookmarks that i could think of offhand!

-- an abridged family medical guide, 6th edition - 30degreesandsnowing

my intro into kandreil and it's a sickfic from their own povs each chapter and the kandrew in this makes me insane because they're SO soft on each other and i reread it like once a month+ for serotonin

sick days by sweetlikesugar

kevin is sick and tries to push himself anyways and andrew lets him know hes an idiot (affectionate) [emetophobia warning!] i love sickfics more than breathing so this was just hhhHHHHH

the gentle violence of loving you - sweetlikesugar

one of my favourite takes on how kandrew were pre-canon. delves a bit more into kevins poor mental state when showing up on the fox doorstep. it really grabs me in the "andrew was looking out for kevin before he knew it" feelings

make me believe that you need me most - sambutwithbooks

sam is like,,,,,,,a true gift to kandrew enjoyers when it comes to smut and also how they navigate each other in canon and how kevin carries a chip on his shoulder and andrew is Always Watching

this is how we try - justadreamfox

another kandreil i'm super fond of with ace kevin and andrew having always been in love with him and the three navigating their sex life featuring some real cute pining and fretting andrew

die hard valentines - dayurno

*chef kiss* absolutely stunning kandreil ive read 100000 times. focuses on kevin and andrew and their love for neil and just has these tender moments between them that gave me cavities im unable to fill UGH

sucker - mostly_maudlin

kevin is a vampire and drinks neils blood from andrews mouth. like that should sell it easily but its also REALLY soft with kisses. 3 part series with so much sexual tension its a physical entity that haunts me like the hat man after 10 benadryl

plugs my own fics cus im shy about it but i really love them a lot and my kandrew is some of my most self indulgent,,,

even if it takes __ years

canon divergent ending where neil was not present in the series and kandrew figure themselves out given all their issues

missed sleep

a lil au i have of them as an old married couple where kevin has ghosts from his past creep up but its mostly soft stuff in this snippet

taptaptap

kandreil post choking scene thats SUPER tender because im a soft baby. just got a podfic too! <3

--

not a complete list but these live rent free in my brain and are incredibly inspirational to me and a couple were VERY founding to my kandrew obsession!!

also thank you ;; you can see where it bleeds a bit into blueberry pancakes cus them being best friends is very important to me in every au always ;;

[iamindifferenttolamp]

Jesus.

Okay hear me out:

When I was a kid, sometime in elementary school - I must've been at least 7 or 8 I think - I was in "vacation bible school" that was literally at some random neighbor's house.

That neighbor had a son who played the drums and I thought that was really cool.

Fifth grade was when we got to choose if we wanted to be in band class and if so which instrument to play. We only had four options though: flute, clarinet, trumpet, or trombone. We couldn't choose anything else - including percussion - until sixth grade. So I chose clarinet because it was the easiest of the four, fully intending to switch to percussion the next year.

Except I never actually voiced this plan and my parents bought a clarinet outright instead of renting it through the school the way most other kids did.

This was 2009, so the recession had just hit and money was on all adults' minds, even if my parents denied it, and therefore those worries seeped down to me (plus my parents' general frugality) and so I felt like it would be a terrible waste of money to switch from the clarinet I now owned to percussion and I stuck with it.

The middle school held a band summer camp every year. I don't think it was mandatory, maybe it was, but it was fun enough that I went regardless. I sat down randomly with the rest of the rising sixth grade clarinets, coming in from a few different elementary schools. The director had us all introduce ourselves and I happened to be sitting between two girls named Rach(a)el and so I made an offhand joke about it. (Since I wasn't playing the drums I clearly hadn't become cool.)

One of the Rach(a)els actually laughed at my joke and we became best friends. At this point in the story, I should mention that I basically never had any friends at school before this point. (Sorry Kellie, but also you spent several years at Catholic school.) So I really wanted to keep this one. So as middle school progresses, she shows me that she likes to write stories for fun. I, math-minded and loathing the lack of definite answers a writing prompt implies, found this to be a novel concept. But if Rachael liked writing, then it must be fun and I should try it too so that we have yet another shared interest (and she stays my friend).

This was also about the time that my parents got the internet at home, which meant writing didn't have to be the tedious process of scribbling in a notebook. It could instead be the tedious process of hunt-and-pecking on a keyboard - and, most importantly, posted publicly to bring fame and fortune or whatever.

And this is what led me to Protagonize, a now-defunct website that was built around a really cool choose-your-own-adventure-esque branching story concept (although you could create a standard linear story by just only adding one option to proceed) and that detail actually isn't relevant to the story at hand.

I hated writing, but the coolness of Protagonize drew me in and I used it (not a lot but I was there) for at least three years. In this time, I had perhaps my first encounter with fanfiction. Well, besides Rachael's Aquamarine fanfic in her notebook. I vaguely remember a fic about the Marvel villain Kingpin, but the other fic I remember running into (yes it was literally just two don't worry about it) was a self-insert Doctor Who fic. I think it was only the first page/chapter, too, but between the fun that the characters seemed to be having and the author's enthusiasm for the series, this "Doctor Who" thing stuck in my brain.

Move forward a couple years to high school. I'm still playing clarinet in band, I'm actually friends with Kellie now, and I have an ipod touch and a Facebook account. (And undiagnosed adhd.) And Facebook is filled with meme pages, where when you click on a shared meme, you can then scroll through all of the images that page has posted. (This is where the adhd comes in.)

Well two things keep coming up in my - what's a word for doomscrolling when it has nothing to do with the state of the world, it just makes you feel bad because you feel like you can't stop and know you should be doing something else because you don't know what adhd is yet? - perusal of these memes: 1. A gosh darn lot of them came from Tumblr, and 2. Doctor Who looked like a lot of fun (and David Tennant hot).

"But Lamp," you cry, "if you were seeing these things shared on Facebook, then this doesn't actually connect to Jesus! The whole story could start here instead!"

Aha! Good catch, reader - but there are two things I haven't told you yet. One is that Rachael moved away after seventh grade. I tried to keep in touch with her by email, but eventually she told me that she really only communicates by Facebook anymore. This is what led to me creating my secret-because-parents-said-I-couldn't Facebook account in the first place. And secondly, I mentioned that I still played clarinet in band. This is how I met my second ever best friend, who also played clarinet and who got into all of superwholock.

So as you see, reader, this still ties back to the clarinet which was chosen because it was easiest because the real goal was drums because Chip played the drums and when I met Chip at VBS he seemed so cool to three-years-younger me. It still all comes back to Jesus.

So I start watching Doctor Who. I'm all caught up by fall of 2013 and decide to take the plunge into Tumblr so I can be on the cutting edge of the memes and gifs and takes and analyses and fanarts and all that good fandom stuff for the 50th anniversary episode.

Well, Tumblr isn't just full of fandoms making memes. It's also full of gay people. And one of my classmates was both into similar fandoms and a hardcore feminist (shout-out to Lauren even though she's not on Tumblr anymore). So I suddenly found myself being confronted with a lot of ideas about gender and its place in the world, including in interpersonal relationships, in a space that was mostly fun and very easy to lurk in, coming from friends I respected and admired.

It may sound like a very 2014 tumblrina take but honestly a lot of my unlearning my conservative upbringing and realizing my own repressed queerness is thanks to Tumblr.

And in conclusion, if it weren't for Jesus I wouldn't be queer today.

"why are you lgbt wrong answers only " to be quite honest the girls always made me be the dog when we played house

[sometimes-love-is-enough]

You listed what Houses everyone's in at the start of Mystery Longfic (SO interested about Ninth Janus and Sixth Logan is obvious but also good)

what about your sides? in a Locked Tomb what Houses would they be?

You have no idea how excited I am about Janus the Ninth. I almost called the entire fic Janus the Ninth despite the fact he's technically not the main character. I'm still considering drawing/commissioning a cover that's just Janus the Ninth in the style of the actual Locked Tomb covers for when I inevitably bind the entire thing into a book.

ANYWAY that wasn't the question. Let's see what I can spin.

Me/Min - I'm so incredibly Seventh House it's not funny (but for very different reasons than Thomas is in the AU, we'll get to that in a few chapters). Chronic illness and wasting away, and like, obviously I'm a necromancer. I don't have enough muscle mass to pick up a sword. Come on now.

Hate - considering she's the main chronic illness part of me, I feel like she'd also have to be Seventh House. Taking it purely on the basis of the fact that she experiences all of the physical symptoms I do, but often magnified, I'd say that she'd also be a necromancer (especially with those magic tattoos!) But she also doesn't suffer prettily. With that in mind: if this was a full AU on the same level as Os Rosa, I'd make her my cavalier, with the added fun twist of her being the one with the generational chronic illness (which I believe isn't very common for Seventh cavaliers, for obvious reasons.) Offhand is either the spear or some sort of staff. Never enlisted for the Cohort, because she hates the military.

Passion - Fifth House cavalier! Never enlisted for Cohort either, because she much prefers showing off at formal fighting events. I'm thinking some kind of weighted net thing for her offhand? A bit like her usual long tangly skirts.

Rationality - Fifth necromancer, probably really deep into the philosophy and ethics of River necromancy.

Inspiration - actually I'm going to say all three of these guys are Fifth House. It makes the most sense to me, because Five is the cultural powerhouse of the Nine House System. I don't think Inspiration is a necro or cav, she doesn't give me the vibes of either - maybe some sort of scientist or researcher. I do, however, think that the RIP team has some kind of weird polycule going on where they all live together and work together, and people are like 'sooo are you guys, like, a necro/cav/cav triad' but no it's much more incomprehensible like that.

Dee - Eighth House necromancer with a penchant for burning stuff. The Nine House's only atheist. She genuinely doesn't believe that God exist, but is very good at pretending she does. Don't worry about it.

[dearhargrove]

I have no idea if your reqs are open but if they are here’s an idea for a fic

Crybaby!reader x Billy. I will elaborate but like-

Just rlly sensitive and when Billy pushes reader away then their upset and won’t talk to Billy, leading to an argument at school and that night Billy shows up at their window like, “I’m sorry..” but he’s all bashful about it because he feels bad and it’s been nagging him all day.

(Feel free to ignore this lol, I just need some good Billy fluff to angst) - Fynix

Cry baby, cry baby

𝔰𝔲𝔪𝔪𝔞𝔯𝔶: One of Billy's friends makes an offhanded comment about you and when reaching out for your amused boyfriend he pushes you away - leading to a fight and flustered Billy coming to apologize after.

𝔱𝔴'𝔰: insults (towards reader), none that I can think of

𝔴𝔬𝔯𝔡 𝔠𝔬𝔲𝔫𝔱:

𝔞/𝔫: yep, title's inspired by 'cry baby' from Melanie Martinez! Don't listen to her as much anymore, but this was the perfect title :). Dear @fynixsworld , I hope this is what you hoped for. Very, very sorry that this took so incredibly long - I've been in kind of a slump and got nothing done :')

m.list ❐ navigation

Standing with Billy and his friends was one of the disadvantages in your relationship. Their conversations consisted of who they've slept with, who was going to throw the next party, and boasting around with the most ridiculous things (which oftentimes if not always shocked you that they were proud of some of the things).

Obviously, it wasn't obligatory to stand with them. But after school, there was barely a time you didn't want to go home with Billy - or have him come home with you - so you usually tended to stick around until he left, too.

Today was one of your bad days. A day, where everything got on your nerves and just about everything, as irrelevant as it could be, was going to make you cry.

You cried easily when you were angry, sad, or just emotional and you've grown to hate it. You used to be fine with it - you were just really expressive, there's nothing wrong with that, is it? -, until you cried during class for the first time.

Your teacher had yelled at you in front of everyone, completely humiliating you, and there was nothing you could've done to keep the tears from running.

You will never forget how everyone laughed at you - except some of the more civil ones that send you pitiful glances instead - and how embarrassing it was. The shame because of it didn't leave you for days after.

So when the bell rang, insinuating the end of your last period, you couldn't help the relieved sigh. Your teacher sent you a suspicious look and you flustered, carelessly throwing everything in your bag before fleeing the crowded classroom.

It was summer, only about three weeks left before the summer holiday, and it was hot.

The sun rose early in the morning and not a single cloud was in the sky over the day, the heat boiling you and everyone else alive. Summer meant short skirts and cropped tops wherever you looked, it was no secret that this was the jocks' favorite season after all.

You had decided to go a little out of your comfort zone, wearing a tight dress. It wasn't as colorful as some of the other girls' dresses were, instead a pastel blue that lightly shimmered, the silky fabric flowy and comfortable on your skin. Some delicate jewelry adorned your wrist - a small, silver bracelet that Billy had gotten you for last Christmas. On your fingers was one of his rings, a less bulky one, also silver.

With your bag secured you made your way through the other students that were crowding the hallway and out to the parking lot. There was smoke coming from Billy's group and you wrinkled your nose, smelling it from your place already.

When you walked up next to Billy you had pushed the bad feelings aside, simply leaning against him and waiting for a comment about your outfit.

Instead of doing so, he ignored you, proudly talking about his keg skills he'd proven a while back. Although his arm was secured around your waist you felt rather unwelcome, the missing greeting making you scowl a little.

Telling yourself to just push past it you straighten up and lean into him more, his body heat making the weather less bearable than it already was but lessening the impending feeling of uncertainty you felt.

None of the boys acknowledged you, which you were happy with until they did. It started with a simple comment about your dress and you didn't mind it too much as it wasn't directly an insult whatsoever. But then they continued and Billy just stood there, showing you off proudly. "That's a short dress, sweetheart. You got any plans with him tonight?" One of them asks and your insides crawl at the pet name. When Billy called you that it made you explode with happiness - the intimate name increasing your pulse by tenfold.

"She sure does," Billy smirks and steps on his cigarette to ensure it was out before getting back into the conversation. Now, this was one of the comments you didn't mind but didn't appreciate. This group was the last people you want to have knowledge about your and your boyfriend's sex life, as it ensured even more teasing.

"Dude, the dress is nice and all but she ain't got the body for it." This was a straight punch to your stomach. There was a lot you could take and wouldn't get mad over but you were easily insecure as it is, and in this dress especially. The already bad day just got horrible and tears shoot in your eyes when Billy doesn't even try defending you. Not caring about what they will think, you turn to him, "Will you not say anything? Just laugh with them?"

He looks confused and stays quiet for a second before replying, "What are you talking about?" His voice is slightly aggressive and you could cry - this meant he was in a bad mood or had no intention of even trying to understand you right now.

"You know what, I'll just go home now," you chuckle emptily and turn away.

He catches your wrist in his hand and squeezes a little, not hard enough to hurt but be uncomfortable. "Let me go." Instead, he just pulls you back against his body, the guys behind him laughing with each other while watching the scene.

"You're not going anywhere. Don't be dramatic," you scoff - was he serious right now?

"Don't scoff at me." He says angrily and pulls you back when you try leaving again, making you stumble a little. "I'll do whatever I want. Let go," the tears are still blurring your vision and you have to concentrate not to let them fall while the fight with Billy increases.

He had a short temper and even if his whole anger issues thing had bettered while with you it was still there and it would take longer to fix. You accepted that part of him and you knew well that right now this would lead to nothing, which is why you tried leaving instead of making this worse.

"Nah, you're staying until you explain what the fuck is going on with you," his voice is cocky but demanding and there's a dangerous flint in his eyes. You knew he would never hurt you, the grip around your wrist which you could easily escape proof of this, but this whole situation was too much right now and the fact he didn't even understand your side or stand up for you was close to breaking your 'don't cry in school' rule.

"Oh," it's sarcastic and you know he catches it, so you continue, "Did you even hear what he said to me? Are you, in any kind of way, capable of seeing what's wrong with that? How I feel right now?" He rolls his eyes and that's just about your final push and you rip your arm away.

"See where you're sleeping tonight, don't dare show up at my place." In hindsight it was stupid to leave and not wait for both of you to calm down, because here you were, crying while walking the seven-mile way to your home.

Sweat was mixing with tears and you were soaked through when you finally arrived at your house. Quickly running up the stairs to your room - locking the door of it - you pull off the stupid dress that had ruined your day and throw it in the corner of your room before jumping on your bed, head in the pillow that infuriatingly smelled of Billy's shampoo and cologne.

With a curse falling from your lips you turn to your side and stare out of the window.

This wasn't how today was supposed to go.

-

Back at school, Nancy who had heard the whole exchange due to meeting up with Steve was lecturing Billy angrily. She was a close friend of yours and when she saw you cry she immediately went to set the culprit straight.

So, flustered and with a hurt ego Billy sped off, flipping Nancy off at the same time. He would make you call her later and thank her for making clear why you were upset with him and how to fix it, while simultaneously apologizing for his inappropriate behavior. Usually, he wouldn't care at all, let this random girl be hurt or not - it's whatever.

But if you found out you'd have his head.

The rest of the day was spent preparing a perfect apology, including your favorite shirt of his and those expensive flowers you loved.

Styling his hair took, admittedly, longer than usual as he kept finding stray hairs that weren't sitting right. He'd stopped putting as much effort into his appearance when you started dating, especially when you stopped doing so, too.

Seeing you in your sleepwear, hair messy, made him realize how much you trusted him and he wanted to show you he trusted you too. It was an unusual and secretive way of showing it but it worked for you two, so why not?

Climbing into your window was one thing he'd mastered by now. On the garage roof, rain pipe, and lastly, your window sill. Your window was unlocked at all times for which he scolded you before, it could be just anyone coming into your room after all.

Situating himself he opened the window and silently jumped in, the flowers still undamaged to his luck. Without a sound, he closed the window - locking it - and turned to your bed. You were staring at him, eyebrows scrunched in distaste and tears having left your face red and puffy.

He bashfully smiled at your state and kneeled in front of the bed, the flowers held close to your face. "Came to apologize and make up for what I did," he explains and lays the flowers on your nightstand - making a mental note to put them into a vase later.

"So now you know what you did wrong?" You question and throw him an unbelieving glare. His smile shrinks a little at his stubbornness earlier and he hangs his head, "I'm sorry, princess."

You could fold right then and there but you keep yourself together, waiting for more. "I should've defended you from the stupid comments of the guys. I didn't and started an unnecessary fight instead. Forgive me?" He has his puppy eyes out, and you just melt.

Tears spring into your eyes again and you scoot back a little to make space for him when he settles down next to you - shoes laying in a corner where he discarded them to. "You're an idiot."

He chuckles at that and agrees, playing with your hair. "That I am. Yours though, right?" It's teasing and you softly punch his chest before nodding.

That's when he thinks back to the comment that started your fight. "You looked amazing in that dress, by the way. Got me horny in public," he snuggles his nose against your cheek and places a kiss there before inching closer to your lips.

"Could've said so," you say, still salty about the whole thing.

"Should have, could have… how about I just show you now?" You fluster but comply - who could say no to that, after all?

[s0ulryo]

yes I am indeed a microwave

yes I go mmmmmmmmmm🤤

ALSO IF U DON'T MIND CAN I REQUEST SOMETHING WJTH ENEMIES/RIVALS TO LOVERS WUTH DILUC 😦😦😦

Rivals to Lovers With Diluc Ragnvindr Headcanons ༉‧₊˚

[Diluc x Reader]

Synopsis: Going from rivals to lovers with Diluc Ragnvindr.

Tags: Softish headcanon, slight cw for language maybe, possible angst but it’s like kinda mundane, I forgot the other tags

Notes: Prolly ooc? Not proofread. Diluc my beloved. I started running out of ideas after the seventh sentence. Fun fact Diluc was my first Genshin main. Omg me posting early for once. Dude this took me like two days to write :sobs: I wasn’t sure if you wanted a fic or a headcanon so I went with a headcanon. THANK YOU FOR REQUESTING <<3333

I believe your rivalry with Diluc started when you guys were children. You made an offhanded comment about the Knights of Favonius – and thus your rivalry formed. 

Well, more like the comment made you two have a falling out which then formed the tension between you guys which then spiraled into a ‘rivalry’.

I say rivalry tentatively seeing how it formed by you two being children who had strong beliefs and were not willing to hear or understand the other party’s side.

Honestly the whole falling out was really stupid. You just thought (and still think) that the Knights of Favonius were extremely shady and most of them couldn’t get anything done, which angered little Diluc seeing how he looked up to his father and wanted to meet his father’s expectation of becoming a knight. 

Throughout the years you saw Diluc but you never really talked to him for fear of starting another argument. The only reason you saw him is that you were somewhat close to Kaeya, but even then when Kaeya and Diluc had a decent relationship the interactions you had with Diluc were extremely…awkward.

“...[Name]” “Hello Diluc…”

The ‘rivalry’ ended around the time of Diluc’s Eighteenth Birthday. There are three main reasons for this.

One. After Diluc’s father passed away, the “relationship”  you two barely maintained was almost nonexistent at that point. Diluc locked himself away from everyone while you decided it would be best to limit your interactions between both Diluc and Kaeya seeing how they just lost their father/father figure.

Two. Diluc focused more on his rivalry with Kaeya. Seeing how Kaeya had revealed all his lies and they had a huge argument over it; Diluc focused more on that than the comment you made several years ago. 

Three. He finally understood why you thought about the Knights of Favonius that way. 

I believe you guys started talking more after he came back from Snezhnaya. 

You went to Angel Share’s to get a drink around closing time for whatever reason and you saw him cleaning a glass when you entered. You guys proceeded to have a staring contest after that. 

“Diluc, when did you get back?” “I got back a few days ago [Name].” “I see…Where did you go?” “Snezhnaya.”

He made you a drink based on his recommendation and you guys just caught up. 

You guys hung out a lot more after that. Just you showing up at Angel Share and you guys just talking about basic life stuff. You might even take night shifts there just to hang out more.

I also think Diluc would try to go places with you. Like if you had a commission and other errands to do – it just gives him more of an excuse to be around you.

This ties in with his love language being quality time. (Plus physical affection. He’s not very big on PDA though.)

He’d definitely catch feelings first and confess first.

Diluc strikes me as the type of guy who would try to gaslight himself out of being in love and then feel bad about it. 

The way he asked you out was really sweet and simple, but he was super embarrassed 

“[Name] are you free this evening?” Diluc asks, diverting his eyes away from yours. “Yeah, I am. What”s up?” “Great, it’s a date – I’ll meet you at your place this evening.” 

You didn’t have time to respond seeing how he left immediately after that. It’s not like you would have refused, you just found the whole thing a little funny.

You guys had dinner and went on a little walk around Mondstadt before it was time for him to enter Batman Darknight Hero mode. 

You guys had a few more dates before you became ‘official’. 

On the date he asked you to be his significant other he told you how he’s banned from entering Snezhnaya.

“Diluc, you’ve been to Snezhnaya before, right? Perhaps one day we can go together – I heard there are a lot of fun things to do there…” You said looking at your feet. “[Name] I’m banned from entering Snezhnaya…” You look Diluc dead in the eyes “Excuse me, what?” “...[Name] how do you feel about being my significant other?”

Honestly, it took him longer than he would like to ask you to be his S/O; but this wasn’t too much of an issue seeing how he asked you on all your dates with the intention of being partners in the future (and seeing how you said yes intending to be partners in the future). He never answered your question though, but you had a feeling his ban had something to do with his hatred for the Fatui.

Overall Diluc is a soft lover. He loves spending time with you and he is quite upset that you guys had a rough relationship as children seeing how he would have been able to be with you sooner if that wasn’t the cause. Diluc is a 10/10 partner – please spend time with him because he adores being around you. 

[fever-project]

I hope I can put what I have to say here. It’s long so it’s going under a cut, but this whole chain is already long so I’m not sure that’ll do much.

So, hear me out. I am not a big blog here. I am-kinda-a big blog in another fandom, the Danny Phantom fandom. I have had two wildly different experiences between these fandoms, and I hope this gives me a bit of a unique perspective on this.

To start this off, I am someone that generally doesn’t like interacting with people. I know this, and I am generally fine with it. But you can’t get big(without it taking forever)without interacting with others. I also know this, and I am generally fine with it.

But I wanted to be known. I wanted to get big-bigger than any blogs I had before. Which isn’t saying much tbh. I usually had quite a small blog. So, I wanted to start off the DP blog with something that would encourage interest and interaction.

The first thing I posted on that blog was an art piece for an event. Specifically, it was for Dannymay, prompt Day 7: Lab Safety. And then I kept doing more days, more art, and more events. Events were my way of interacting with others. I did interact with others in other ways, like with reblogs, but I was still mostly in that stage of “oh god why should even try to say anything I’m just some guy.” Events are what kept me with connected with people.

Now, I know these two fandoms are very, very different from each other. The Phandom is big, and the show had ended like seven years ago. We are actively making things up that are divorced from the source material, you will get confused when something just isn’t in the show. Case in point, ghost cores and Wes Weston. To briefly explain this, cores are a fandom thing that basically decides what powers a ghost have. It was created after a very brief and offhand mention of a core existing in the mc being injured of something, idk it’s been a while. Wes Weston is a character that only gets mentioned like once in the entire show. He is never shown. The fandom took a random background character that kinda looked like the mc, except ginger and with a slightly different hairstyle, and declared him to be Wes. He is a fan favorite character, created by fans. Even with the release of the new graphic novel, it didn’t change the fandom too much. We are still actively making up whatever we want for this show.

The LU fandom isn’t a huge fandom, not to the scale of the DP, and we’re still getting updates on the comic. It’s relatively new. Not to fanon doesn’t exist here, it very much does, but not to the extent of the utter lunacy the Phantom cooks up. I think with such closeness to the source material that events don’t happen. Events likely don’t need to happen, but they can add an extra avenue of interaction for people who are more scared to interact with others. That’s basically what it was for me. I’ll give a few examples of events in the Phandom to explain different ways of interaction between blogs that can happen. Dannymay, Invisobang, and Green with Evny.

Dannymay is a rather simple event. It’s a 31 day calendar prompt list that you can do anything for, writing, art, music, whatever as long it goes with the prompt. And the prompts are simple, one to three words that can inspire you to do anything for them. The Dannymay event blog reblogs everything that is tagged with Dannymay+the year the event’s on. This facilitates minimal interaction in of itself, but it does provide interaction in the form of having more eyes on you work that you do for the event. You can see how other people interpret the prompts, what they do with it.

Invisobang is an event that, as the event blog says themselves, “Invisobang is a long-form collaborative event for authors and artists, where authors write a fic and artists make art for that fic.” Now, I’ve never participated in this event. But I know that it makes people who probably wouldn’t have interacted otherwise, interact with other. The author or artist can be either big or small, and they can introduce each other to their followers, increasing the probability of interaction. But the author and artist are likely to continue to interact with other, or are at least more open to do so.

Green with Envy is an event that I haven’t joined this year, simply because I hate using Discord, and it’s even bigger this year compared to last year. But I suspect it’ll be more or less the same in how it plays out. In this event, you can be a Lineartist and/or a Colorist. There were around five to seven teams last year, and the number how now doubled. If you color a piece before anyone else does, you get extra points for both you and your team, but your team is more important. There are also no prizes at the end btw. It doesn’t make things less competitive however, it’s a friendly type of competitive. To make things short, since this is getting long, Lineartists love when people color their stuff, and the Colorists love competing with each other. It’s a hotspot for interaction.

I could go on and on, but I don’t want to lose my focus. Events provide another opportunity for interaction, many different types of interactions. When I joined this fandom, I was a bit surprised at the lack of events. Idk, I think having a simple even like Dannymay, which already has different types of events like it in Phandom-like a fantasy themed one and a dpxdc one-could help with interactions. It doesn’t have to a month, a lot of them are just for a week. That’s just my two cents about this whole thing.

For everyone who’s worried about interacting with people on tumblr I have a pro tip:

Use ask games!! Literally the lowest entry bar.

And if that’s still too much, I got nothing 😂 just please don’t expect creators to come track down everyone who secretly wants to be friends 🫠 I see my mutuals post them pretty often so there’s a good chance you have an in with them at some point.

[angelfishofthelord]

every breath is sacred

a short fic explaining why cas doesn't use his true voice when he's in a vessel

The first time Castiel gets asked about it, it’s an offhand comment from Dean. They’re walking--dragging themselves, really--out of a barn where they barely survived a demonic ambush. Castiel doesn’t have the power to smite anymore, and even with his angelic speed he couldn’t take down a dozen black-eyed crazed contorted souls from hell. If the rotten barn floor hadn’t caved in the center and sent a handful of demons sprawling over each other the three of them might be bleeding through their shirts instead being splattered in blood from the outside.

“Why don’t you do that--” Dean gasps loudly after gulping down half a bottle of water and passes it to Sam “--do that thing anymore? The voice thing?”

Castiel grimaces as he peels a strip of demon flesh off his shoulder. “What are you referring to?”

“When we first met.” Dean ducks back under the trunk of the car and digs around. Likely for more water. “You tried to talk to me and blasted the windows out. That’d be handy in a fight, wouldn’t it?”

Castiel puts his hands in his coat pockets. “It’s not easy to do. Not in this form.”

“But not impossible?” Sam pipes up. He has his back to them, sitting on the edge of the passenger seat as he cleans his shoes with a damp towel, but he’s clearly been listening to their conversation.

Castiel feels the itch of the pant’s pocket fabric around his bloodied knuckles. The skin of his vessel is knitting back ever so slowly. It tingles, almost burns. It used to heal much faster. “No. Not impossible.”

+

It comes up every now and then over the years. Over a discussion between the laptop on the motel bed, Sam passing him a beer and gesturing to the photo of the parchment on the screen. Bobby, raising his bushy eyebrow over the peeling edge of the ancient book he’s reading. Dean mentions it when he’s at Sheriff Jody Mill’s house recounting their first encounter in that barn and the “one-time theatrics” Castiel did.

Castiel always finds an excuse to explain why he doesn’t do it anymore. He never outright says that he can’t, because that would be a lie.

He can do it. But he won’t. Not yet. There’s only one way to release an angel’s true voice while in a vessel. It is irreversible; it is less of a song and more of a sacrifice. He’s saving it, like a secret weapon buried under the ground. There is no doubt in his mind that one day he will have to do it. One day the Winchesters, or someone they love, will be in danger, and there will be no other way to save them except for Castiel to use his voice.

“Show off,” Claire laughs, rolling her eyes when Dean regales her with the barn story. Castiel smiles at her. He puts his hands in his pockets and lets Claire lean against his shoulder while Dean makes exaggerated gestures with his arms. Castiel does not say how much it stings him to hear Dean repeat that story again and again. Surely Dean means no harm by it, but all Castiel hears is remember when you were brimming with so much light the materials of man could not contain you. Remember when your form was unscarred, untarnished by wear and wickedness.

Remember when you could have outshone the sun.

+

Then it finally happens. It’s fitting, Castiel thinks later, that he uses it against Chuck, the Maker who created angels with such a potent voice in the first place.

keep reading on a03

[imthebadguyyy]

Loved your first fic of Lewis!💛

Can you make one where Lewis Hamilton and Y/N have a fight and have been living separately and then Lewis comes to meet Y/N one evening and makes an excuse that his toothbrush is with Y/N? And then Lewis confronts Y/N that he knows Y/N still love him but won't admit?

..

* I know this is a very specific prompt. Bare with me. I just wanted more Angst/ Fluff with Longing for each other and Deep feelings and keep it Non-explicit. *

A/N - I'm so glad you liked the fic 😊

We're Meant To Be

Pairing - Lewis Hamilton x Reader (female)

Fandom - F1

Summary - After a messy fight, you don't know where your relationship stands. But when love is that strong, an argument can't stand in the way.

Warnings - Angst, fighting, swearing

Angered shouts. Tears of frustration. White noise. Desperate pleads. And then silence. That's what your neighbours would describe if they were asked to describe what they had heard from your house. An argument that seemed to have started over nothing, had blown up into a full scale fight. When had it become this bad? Only yesterday, you two had had a date night at home, with movies and wine. Everything was perfect. But then, suddenly everything seemed to go down a downward spiral.

Your relationship with your boyfriend had always been calm, it had been the type of love where you just loved each other with all your hearts, where fights were an incredibly rare appearance. You were both working, and he was away at races most of the time, so usually, you didn't waste time fighting, something that was an unnecessary waste of time in your opinion. But then, something had just switched for a second. It was after the race in Baku, and it hadn't gone well. Lewis had been heartbroken, after coming P15, and had heavily berated himself for it. To make him feel better, you had taken a couple of days off work. to just be with him and give him company to feel better.

It had been on the third day of you spending time with him that he had made an offhand comment that had struck a nerve with you. "I wish you could be there at race weekends more often. It's like you don't care enough about the races" The comment had pissed you off, to put it lightly. "What do you mean, I don't care about the races? I watch all of them Lewis, I'm always supporting you" you had practically seethed at him. "Don't get all huffy, darling, all I'm saying is that the other girlfriends and wives come quite often, but you only come to like three races a year" he had said, already regretting his words. "Maybe that's because I have a job?! I work for my living, and I love my job. I don't have time to fly around the world to accompany you to your races, and its damn hard to get leave off of work anyway, I was lucky to even get a week off of work, and you want me to be there every weekend? It's not possible for a working person, Lewis" you had said, anger bubbling in your voice, pulling away from him to sit up straight. "I know, I just meant-" "No, I know what you meant. I'm sorry I can't always be there, and don't you think I feel bad when I can't be there for you ?" "I know you do, I shouldn't have brought this up. But can you come for the next race?" He had asked, not looking at your eyes, regretting the answer. "I... can't. I have a really big meeting coming up and-" "And you can't come I get it"

And he had just left. You had felt your heart shatter, hating yourself for being so harsh with him. But it was true, you were a very hardworking person, and you had worked damn hard to get to where you were, successful at your job, one of the best in your field. It took years of hard work and perseverance and you were proud of it. But a part of you also knew that Lewis didn't deserve any of the crap you had given him, and you also knew that he was right, the other guys had their partners to support them during various race weekends, and you only showed up to one or two of them. He was well in his rights to tell you that. And you hated how it had ended.

You all alone, in your house, in a cold and empty bed, in a quiet house with silence that was much, much more deafening than words ever could be. It was heartbreaking, to see a future you had dreamed of just shattering in front of your eyes, dreams of having a family of your own with him fluttering away like wisps of smoke, the burning flames leaving only a heartbroken mess of a human being behind. Was that what it felt like? To be burned and left to turn to ashes, when a person that knew exactly how to ignite your flame just left you to burn away? To have someone who could ignite your all consuming passion, and turn you to putty in his hands, who could mould you back into shape, leave you to melt into a liquid through his fingers to just lay on the ground, a sad, broken, person.

And here you were, lying on your bed, the sheets that had warmed the both of you on cold nights, or been home to your pleasure laced activities now offering only some of the warmth it used to, cold and unforgiving, as you turned your pillow for the fifteenth time, neither side cool anymore. Even the pillow didn't want to forgive you, the sweat settling in on your neck again, beads of sweat running down your forehead again. The pulled curtains shielded you from the over bright sunshine, your damp hair sticking to your shoulders and neck. Your eyes, red rimmed and tired, shut to protect them from the faint light in the room, the tiredness not permitting you to even open them to look in the dim light of your room.

Somewhere near you, your phone buzzed again, for what felt like the hundredth time in three days. It had been three days, three long, painful days since you and Lewis had fought and not seen each other, and those 72 hours had ripped a part of your soul out. You had spent those three days in bed, your leave days still saving you from getting out of bed and dragging your body to office. Was your relationship over? Were you never going to meet the love of your life, the man you were destined to be with again? Sighing, you rolled over, pushing the damp strands of hair away from your face. Using strength you didn't know you had, you pulled yourself up, feeling your head spin.

Slowly, you made yourself walk into the kitchen, grabbing a piece of bread and popping it into the toaster. Then you splashed some water on your tired face, shuffling over to the bathroom to brush your teeth. After finishing your toast, you peeled off the sweaty shirt you had pulled on when he had left, realising with a pang that it was Lewis's nightshirt you were wearing, a purple one he loved. Dropping it into the laundry basket, you turned on the shower, stepping under the warm shower. The warm spray untangled the knots in your matted hair, as you soaped your body and hair, fresh tears rolling down your cheeks as memories of your showers together with Lewis came flooding back, as heartbroken sobs wracked your form again.

An hour after the not so great shower, you found yourself in another shirt belonging to Lewis, the bed in fresh sheets and covers, your pillow finally cool on both sides. You were clean and refreshed, albeit heartbroken, waiting on your takeout Chinese food and ice cream. Just as you lay there, scrolling through your Netflix account to watch some episode of FRIENDS to help you keep your spirits up, the doorbell rang. The thought of flavourful Chinese food and ice cream was enough to lure you out of your bed again, bare feet padding across the wooden floor to go to the door. You grabbed your wallet, opening the door, to find not your dinner, but Lewis, at the door, in one of your favourite sweatshirts on him. Did the clothes make you feel better? No. In fact, it just shattered your heart further.

"What are you doing here?" was the predictable line that left your lips. "I um, I left my toothbrush at your place. Can I have it back?"

"I beg your pardon? You left your toothbrush? You came back for a toothbrush, but not for me? Is that all I mean to you?!" you said, anger and a hint of sadness creeping into your tone. "You do mean a lot to me" he replied in a sigh. "Look, I didn't actually leave my toothbrush. That was a lie, and wow, I'm just realising how stupid that sounded, I'm sorry" His words were met with silence. The sadness in your eyes said it all. You were upset. Of course you were. "I don't have any toothbrushes except mine, so please leave" Before you could shut the door in his face, he pushed it back open, stepping into the house on his own.

"No do not come in here, please just get out!"

"No" was his frustrating reply. "What do you mean no? I said get out of my house!" "Not until we stop fighting and talk about what the hell happened!" Lewis yelled back, matching your tone. "Why the hell do you care?!" "Because I still love you damn it, I always have, and this stupid fight cannot, and should not break us apart!"

Your burst into tears. Sliding down against the wall, you buried your face in your hands, the sweatshirt arms covering your face as you sobbed. In an instant, Lewis was walking across to you, strong muscled arms wrapping around your shaking frame. "I'm sorry" you managed to blubber out, "I thought it over, and I don't go to support as often as I feel I should, and I'm sorry"

"No my darling, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said all that to you. You work so hard baby, and I'm so proud of you. And I know that you try to come whenever you can, and I love you so much for that. I'm sorry, and I never shouldv'e asked you to prioritize my passion over yours" rubbing your shoulders softly, he let his chin rest on top of yours. Sniffling, you let your head rest on his shoulder. The soft hiccups that left your lips broke his heart even further, something he hadn't thought possible.

The last 3 days had been pure hell for him. He had missed you, God, he had missed you. He had missed having you in his bed in the morning, tracing patterns on your bare skin. He had missed leaving kisses on your soft cheeks and hands and on your cute nose, missed smiling against your skin as you giggled. He had missed you playing with Roscoe, the doggo following the both of you around the house. Even Roscoe had missed you, sniffing around the house for your familiar smell, cocking his ears up and looking at his dad questioningly.

He had missed your perfume, the scent filling his senses, intoxicating him in the best way possible. He missed you curling up to him, playing with his hair or tracing his tattoos, leaving little kisses around the compass tattoo, tracing his 'Still I Rise' tattoo, missing the goosebumps that would rise on his skin when you traced Michelangelo's Pieta on his skin, and kissed the family and faith tattoos on his sternum. He missed you everywhere, and it had taken three days for him to realize that your presence grounded him. Your presence was something he needed, not to survive, he had done that before, he needed you for his happiness.

And having you in his arms, crying over what he had said? It shattered his heart. And he wanted to just fix everything, to bring everything back to normal. Stroking your hair softly, he kept his lips pressed to your ear, whispering soft "I love you's" and "I'm so sorry baby's" and "I'm here for you's" into your ear, feeling his heart lighten ever so softly when your sniffles decreased and your grip on yourself relaxed.

Moving up to meet his eyes, you moved so you were at eye level with him. "So we're both idiots who are sorry?" You murmured, running your hand up to his collarbone. With a soft laugh, he nodded taking your hand into his, rubbing his thumb over yours. "Fighting sucks" he mumbled pushing a stray strand of hair behind your ear. "It really does" your replied, moving so you were straddling his waist. "Let's never do that again, and let's just make a schedule. We can figure out when you can come and visit me, and I'll just deal with the fact that my ethereal girlfriend won't grace the race tracks every race weekend-" "It all sounds lovely but all I want right now is your lips on mine" you interrupted, bringing a smirk to his lips.

Leaning forward, he pressed his lips to yours, hand moving to maneuver your head closer to his, your hands moving up to cup his cheek, as your traced his jawline, his thumb running over your waist. Breaking apart softly, he let his forehead rest on yours. "I love you" he whispered softly. "I love you too" you mumbled back. Before he could lean back in, the doorbell rang again.

"Damn it. That's my chinese food and ice cream" you sighed, smiling when he laughed. "Was it that bad?" He asked, letting you get up to open the door. "Like you wouldn't believe it"

After getting the food and paying for it, you set two plates on the table and put enough on your plates. "You know what the worst part was about fighting?" "What was?" "Not waking up to you tracing my tattoos" "Aww that's what you missed?" You giggled, walking up to kiss the tattoos on his hands. "I really did. You're cute and adorable and you're all mine. That's why I don't wanna fight. Let's keep it that way" "I love you so much" "I love you too"

***

A/N - I'm so, so sorry I took so long to write this, I really suck at angst, and I hope this is what you wanted, the last thing I want to do is give you subpar work 😭😭

Anyways, have a great day 💙

[sunnysviolin]

Omotober Day Three- Picnics

If you want to read it on ao3 (now as one singular fic because I am a dum dum) you can do that here

When Hero suggested that the five of them get together and have a picnic, Basil was nervous, but excited. There was a part of him that would always be afraid, but more than anything he wanted things to go back to the way they used to be. A picnic could be the start of that.

But Basil should have known that things could never go back to the way they used to be.

“Forgiveness, reader, is, I think, something very much like hope and love - a powerful, wonderful thing.

And a ridiculous thing, too.”- Kate DiCamillo

Basil wasn’t really sure what to expect when their group decided to get together for a picnic again like they used to, but his first inclination wouldn’t have been that there would be a fist fight about to break out.

After the fight, and the hospital, and everything that came after, things had gotten surprisingly calm and quiet. The guilt that had eaten his insides for all those years was gone, and in its place was peace. Yes, he still felt awful about what they had done, but the secret was over, and he no longer had to hold all of that pain by himself.

Their friends had accepted the truth at varied rates, and Basil was sure it would take a long time before they ever even came close to forgiving him or Sunny. Aubrey was still quick to anger, Hero was still avoidant of the pain, but things had changed. Something about those last few days Sunny had spent with them in Faraway had changed them all, made everyone more open to trying with each other again. Even after they learned everything.

It felt good to be friends again, to be able to look at their faces without the self loathing threatening to crush him. He would take whatever halted measures of friendship they would give, if it only meant not being alone again. So when Hero suggested a picnic, Basil eagerly agreed without thinking twice.

He should have thought twice.

The planning had gone perfectly fine. Kel was a hundred percent on board, and he had even offered to help with making the food. The other boy seemed most pleased that it was Hero specifically who was extending the branch out. Basil knew that, of all of them, Hero was probably going to have the most mixed emotions about what he and Sunny had done. Still, Hero was Hero. Even if he hated them both, he would never reveal it.

Aubrey had seemed unsure, but Kel’s enthusiasm and the promise of getting Sunny back to join them had her agreeing. Basil knew she and Sunny talked on the phone pretty often, maybe even more than Sunny and himself. Aubrey was trying hard to make up for the last four years, and she spent most of her time with Basil or by herself. She said it was to ‘figure things out’ and he didn’t pry. He knew how hard it was to accept things in your past that you didn’t want to think about or the parts of yourself that you didn’t like all that much.

Then there was Sunny. They had all crowded together around Kel’s home phone to talk to Sunny about their idea. He had agreed to come and made plans to sleep at Kel and Hero’s house the night of their picnic. Logically it would have made more sense for him to stay with Basil, there was more room at Basil’s house, but it went unspoken between them why Kel and Hero had extended the offer instead. He would catch the train in and out and be back by dinner the next day, it wasn’t a far journey. None of them had seen Sunny since the hospital, at least not in person, and Basil wondered what it might be like to lay eyes on the other boy now.

The day came and they had split into natural groups. Most of the preparations were already done, but there were a few things to finish up on the morning of. Hero would take care of finishing the food, Aubrey would set up in their spot in the park, and Basil and Kel were going to go pick up Sunny from the train station.

Everything was good. The day was bright and warm with not a single cloud in the sky, Sunny’s train had arrived right on time, and Sunny had even greeted them both with quick but tight hugs and a small smile. He was still wearing an eyepatch (and apparently would always be from now on) but he looked a lot better. The bags under his eyes were gone, and the greying pallor of his skin had vanished. He held himself a little straighter, spoke a little more, and the air of fear that seemed to surround Sunny had dissipated into nothing.

Kel had grabbed both of their hands and swung them through the air as they walked towards the park, chattering about what he and Hero had planned for that day. Basil was content to let Kel do most of the talking and shared a secret amused look behind his back with Sunny. This was something that had happened all the time when they were kids, and the nostalgia of it was easy to fall into.

When they got to the park and saw Aubrey, things were awkward for all of two seconds before she punched Sunny gently on the arm and ruffled his hair, bringing them over to the set up she had created. The picnic blanket was a checkered blue, not red, but it was soft. There was the scent of flowers in the air from the bushes nearby in bloom, and a breeze twirled the pinwheels clustered in the distance. It felt so blissfully...normal. Like they could just fall right back into step where they left off all those years ago.

Basil should have hit himself over the head for thinking that.

It started so innocently. They were waiting for Hero to arrive and sighing about how nice their little corner of the world was, when Aubrey made an offhand comment about her friends potentially joining them next time. Before Basil could even really process what her words, Kel had said no. He hadn’t said it in a joking way or to tease her. Kel had snapped, and the tension in his shoulder and the hardness of his eyes told them all that he was deadly serious.

It was jarring. Of all of them, Kel had always been the friendliest. Hero may have been the most popular, but Kel wasn’t far behind his brother in natural charm. He was sweet and sincere, and almost always willing to get to know people. It wasn’t like him to shut down so quickly or with such force. Kel’s face was stormy and he was avoiding eye contact with all of them, keeping those hard eyes locked with the ground. Aubrey seemed livid, but she sat stony and silent, waiting for more of an explanation. The one that came only made things worse.

“I just don’t see why you would even wanna be around them anymore,”

Aubrey, loyal beyond words, had swooped in to defend the rest of her gang, claiming that they were good people who were great friends. This had only made Kel scoff, which infuriated her even more. Basil was used to Aubrey and Kel getting into arguments, he was even okay with the escalated fight that had happened at the dock (seeing as he blamed himself for causing it), but this was unlike any of those.

Normally it was Kel who kept fairly cool during these things, and Aubrey that went ballistic. Yes, Kel fought right back with her and gave as good as he got, but he had always seemed calm and collected, mostly joking around and poking fun at how red Aubrey’s face would get.

Now it was his cheeks that were tinged, and his throat that was raw from screaming, in a way that Basil had never seen before. He stayed silent and tried to keep himself small, hands clasping together over his chest as he tried to remember the deep breathing techniques Polly had been teaching him. They didn’t seem to be working. A quick glance to the side showed Sunny in a similar state of distress, watching their friends argue with a wide eye and clear panic etched into his features.

Aubrey and Kel’s argument devolved fast, going from something that held worth to just being insults hurled back and forth. They began to advance on each other, clearly done with words and moving past to blows, but a voice cut through, breaking the intensity that had caught them all firmly in its grip.

“What’s going on?”

The four of them turned around simultaneously, varying stages of guilt evident on everyone’s faces. Hero emerged from the brush, carrying a large wooden picnic basket on one arm, his mouth turned downwards.

He surveyed the moment and sighed, a tired sound that betrayed a weight that they all knew Hero carried but refused to let them bear with him. The eldest walked over and gently placed the basket down on the blanket, glancing at each of them in turn.

“You okay, Sunny?” Hero asked, and Sunny nodded. He seemed calmer now that someone was intervening, but fear was still there. Hero patted him once on the top of his head and peered around the youngest. “Basil?”

Basil nodded too, his own words caught in his throat. It wasn’t the same as when Something had been squeezing him too tight to breathe, it wasn’t that bad yet, but it was still pretty bad. Nothing he couldn’t handle though, and Basil knew that Hero needed to be focusing on the other two right now. With both of them checked on, Hero stood at his full height and stared at the others.

“Explain,”

Both teens burst into words, voices raising as they tried to shout over each other and interject to disprove what the other had just claimed. Hero listened to the cacophony for a moment and then raised his hands, yelling over them to quiet down. Once it was settled again, Hero turned to Aubrey.

“Aubrey, you go first. You can talk with no interruptions. Then Kel is going to talk with no interruptions, and we’re all going to listen to each other. I want each of you to explain to me why you’re fighting, okay?” Both teens nodded, and Hero sat down, gesturing for the other two to sit back down as well. They did, and then Aubrey began to talk.

“Out of nowhere Kel starts going off about my friends and talking bad about them for no reason,” Kel made a noise here and Hero looked at him. The younger brother rolled his eyes but stayed silent, and Hero waved a hand at Aubrey to continue, “I don’t get why he’s so angry, but I don’t care. He had no right to say all of those things. That’s why they don’t like you, you just assume the worst of them.”

Kel shot a harsh glare towards the girl, something fiery and fueled with a deep rage that was completely out of character for him. Then when he spoke, the oddities only continued.

“I didn’t start ‘out of nowhere’. You started this by saying you wanted us all to hang out with them. Like we’re all pals. Did you forget that the only thing you did when you spent time with them was bully people and act like none of us mattered to you? You keep talking about how you wanna change, but you don’t. You just want to act like nothing you did mattered. They bullied m- Basil for years! If you’re really our- his friend I don’t know why you don’t want to protect Basil from those guys,” Kel finished his speech with a huff, crossing his arms and curling in on himself.

“I apologized to Basil plenty already!” Aubrey replied, a glance to Hero when she began. When he didn’t interrupt her, she kept going, “He forgave me, and now we’re trying to get past it. Isn’t that what you want?”

“Maybe we should listen to what Basil thinks?” Hero suggested, trying to keep the conversation from riding off the rails as it had before, “If you’re both so worried about him, it seems like his opinion would be the most important thing here,”

Then all eyes were on him, waiting to hear what he had to say. Basil twisted his fingers in his lap and laughed nervously, his mouth filling with cotton as both sides of the argument clearly looked for his backing.

“I-I don’t know?” He finally replied, the words sounding small and useless, only making everyone madder, “I wouldn’t mind trying I guess. Seeing if if it works out, ya know?”

Hero perked up here, shooting Basil a grateful smile. Aubrey seemed vindicated and her anger began to melt. The tension eased out of the air, and Basil breathed out. It was all going to be okay now. It was just a regular Kel and Aubrey fight. They would hug the way Hero always forced them to at the end of their arguments, and then the five of them could enjoy the afternoon together.

“Kel, if Basil is okay with it then it’s fine. Why don’t you two hug and make up and then-”

“What if I’m not okay with it, Hero?!” Kel exploded, cutting his brother off, “What about that?!”

Stunned silence coupled with an even stronger tension surrounding the group. Kel and Aubrey fighting he could understand, even Kel and Aubrey dragging Hero in to play referee he could understand, but never before had Basil seen Kel yell at Hero. Kel worshipped the ground Hero walked on, his big brother could do no wrong, and Basil had never seen any evidence that he ever had.

But Kel wasn’t done yet, and he continued his yelling. It was like something had cut into him with those words, and now that something, dark and black, was finally getting a chance to leak out of Kel. Basil knew all about Somethings. About how painful it was to live with them, about how they always eventually burst out and demanded to be seen. He just had never thought Kel might have a Something too.

“It isn’t fair that they get to spend years being terrible people. and then just act like they never did any of it. It isn’t fair that I have to just pretend like they weren’t awful to me. Like I didn’t spend most afternoons crying on my walk home because of them. Like I didn’t have to second guess everything single thing I did because they made me think that I was a bully.”

Basil had remembered hearing them calling Kel that before, and it had confused him then too. Kel had never done anything like bullying to anyone, but Basil had dismissed it. It seemed so ridiculous to him, he thought Kel would have just let it go too. Apparently not

“All I’ve ever done is try to help. I smiled and laughed and pretended like nothing bothered me because that’s what everyone else needed. And what did that get me? A bat to the face and being told by my own bullies that I was the one messing with them. They’re the bullies. Mean, angry bullies who I never did anything to. Except try to be friends with you.” Kel finally pulled his eyes to Aubrey with this final word, cutting his furious ranting off with a half laugh half sob. He brought his knees up to his chest and put his arms on top of them. He wasn’t crying, but the pain in his eyes was enough to make Basil’s own chest ache in sympathy.

“And then you let them call me a bully. When I didn’t do anything except try to help.”

Kel dropped his head against his knees, hiding and breathing harshly. His shoulders rose and fell. Up and down and up and down as he panted with exertion from his outburst of emotion. None of them made a sound. Basil wouldn’t have known what to say after that, and he was sure no one else did either. They also couldn’t have been prepared for the final blow that was about to be dealt.

“You all just wanna pretend like none of it ever happened...like all that time didn’t matter.” Kel’s voice was muffled, but the words hit all of them like a punch to the gut.

It wasn’t just about this one fight, it wasn’t even just about Aubrey’s friends. It was bigger, stretching out for years and years of suffering that had never been addressed. Basil’s breath caught in his throat, and he could see the others were in a similar state of shock. He looked down at his interlocked fingers, his stomach twisting up in knots.

It was so easy to forget with Kel. It was so simple to just get lost in his happy go lucky personality and his endless bounds of optimism. He always had time for them all, always willing to go that extra mile to help out his friends when they needed him.

He hadn’t given up on them. He hadn’t stopped knocking on Sunny’s door, even when he never answered. He hadn’t stopped saying hi to Basil, even when he didn’t say hi back. He hadn’t stopped encouraging Hero, even when Hero had no encouragement left to offer in return. He had even still looked for the good in Aubrey, when she had nothing good to say about him. That was just who Kel was, someone who kept trying.

But Basil knew better than any of them that a person could only be pushed so far before there was a part of them that was cracked and bleeding and needed others to heal it. Kel was a nice person, a happy person, but that didn’t mean he didn’t have his moments of doubt. The times where he needed to rely on them instead of the other way around. He never pushed, so no one ever was forced to notice all the bad thoughts and emotions piling up under that sweet sunshine smile. It was just easy to forget that those things existed behind his joy and his upbeat attitude.

They were the people who should have remembered to look. They were the ones who should have known. They had all wanted things to go back to the way they were, but the truth was they couldn’t.

There was no way to erase four years, no way to let go of what had happened to Mari. It existed, it was real, and all of them had tried to ignore it. All except for Kel, who had done everything he could to hold them all together without so much as a complaint. He was right, instead of acknowledging his sacrifices, they had acted like none of it had ever happened. That was what was unchallenging, that was what took no effort. But that was also what was killing Kel inside.

He didn’t know what they could say that would even start to mend four years of their friend trying and failing and continuing to try against all hope. What could a person say to that kind of dedication? What kind of thanks could be given to someone who took on that burden without a word until it had nearly crushed him?

It turned out that Basil didn’t need to know the answer. There was someone else who did.

Aubrey rose up from her spot across from Kel on the picnic blanket and plopped down next to him, turning her head away from the other boy. Her hand moved to his, settling on his elbow and grabbing his attention. Kel raised his head, staring silently at her as she looked at him from the side.

Basil didn’t know what conversation the two of them had without words, but he suspected he would never know. Things like that were only ever meant for two people, and even asking about it was treading on something sacred. Whatever it was, it was enough for Kel to uncurl from the position he had put himself in. He sat on his knees facing Aubrey, and she turned to do the same. She took a deep breath and raised her head, meeting his gaze fully.

“I’m sorry,”

It wasn’t much, when it came down to it. It wasn’t a long speech filled with tears and impassioned pleas. Aubrey wasn’t on her knees begging for forgiveness, or making promises to be better. She hadn’t even said it in a special tone or in a whisper meant just for the two of them. It was an apology, nothing more, nothing less.

It wasn't really much, but it felt so big. They were all touched by her words, all impacted by the enormity of such a small but profound statement. Sunny edged closer and leaned against Basil, and the weight against his side was warm and grounding. He looked down at the top of Sunny’s head, and the vines looping around his spine eased away once more.

When he turned back, Aubrey and Kel were hugging, sitting up on their knees and clutching hard to one another. He wasn’t sure which one of them moved first, but it wasn’t something he had ever seen. Basil has only ever seen them giving each other quick little hugs, or the awkward side squeezes Hero demanded after their fights. But this wasn’t either of those. It was genuine and real, and they both seemed a little reluctant when they pulled apart.

Hero, ever the older brother, beamed and pulled the basket to the center of their group, changing the subject to the food that he and Kel made. To anyone outside of their group, it might have seemed like a callous way to change the subject, but the other four were grateful for something to switch their minds to.

With the moment over, Aubrey went back to her usual brusque, digging into the basket and pulling out a sandwich and bottle of water. She grabbed the food and Sunny’s hand, dragging him over to one of the corners and demanding to hear about his new house. Sunny obliged her, talking about his room and the renovation plans his mother had begun.

Kel drifted over to Hero, falling against his brother’s side and leaning his head against Hero’s shoulder. Basil didn’t interrupt, but he watched Hero wrap Kel in his arms and whisper in his ear, something that had to be comforting given how Kel nodded and snuggled closer to his brother. Hero squeezed Kel and turned to Basil.

“How’s the new garden coming along?”

[monsterkissed]

😈 🎶 💖 ✅ ✨ :)

😈 Has there been a point in a story where you did something just to be playfully mean to your readers?

mmmmmmmmyes and no! i write a lot of mean stuff but i find that you can't really be Truly mean without having the exact nature of the meanness be intertwined with the story and characters. so there is always a method to the meanness that i hope stands alone on its own merit as part of the story!

this does not apply to jokes and offhand lines meant to breeze by on the first read and be utterly infuriating on a reread with the added context of what they are actually referring to. those are deliberate attempts to cause harm and suffering to anyone who enjoyed it enough the first time to come back and those people deserve exactly what they get : )

🎶 Do you listen to music while you write? What song have you been playing on loop lately?

i do have a writing playlist that is mostly instrumentals but these days i tend to put on tv shows or movies that i have already seen before that can blend into the background. horror movies and star trek are the faves but one time i did have a marathon session whose length i did not grasp until i realised i had watched twelve angry men three times back to back

💖 What made you start writing?

i have just always been a prolific reader and i think there are only so many books you can read before the brain starts trying to make its own. the earliest story i can remember making is a lion king fanfic i recorded onto a cassette, which i probably remember largely bc my dad found it and played it to friends and family members to laugh at me over, which probably goes some way to explaining my Anxieties about my work also

✅ What's something that appears in your fics over and over and over again, even if you don't mean to?

i think i spend an amount of time rambling about the construction of the Self that, were i not already confirmed trans and autistic, would raise some pointed questions. while i was watching my white noise trek the other day i thought "maybe i should write more trek fic" and without missing a beat my brain instantly jumped to "do you think vulcans mind melding experience an internalisation of their own projection of themselves viewed through the other and if so could you ever recover from that with a sense your own ego intact?" and some less embarrassing person might have instead jumped to idk, something less patently insufferable

✨ Give you and your writing a compliment. Go on now. You know you deserve it. 😉

sometimes i write a line that is just straight up so sick i don't know how i did it but it's happened too often to be random accident at this point so maybe i'm just kinda good at this a bit?

[lovemeleo]

Piercing Surprise

I had piercing prompts for the Cubs as well as Remus, so I thought I would combine them. We’ve got Finn getting his piercing with Remus, hope you don’t mind anon. These lovely characters and their story belong to Hazel (@lumosinlove)! The amazing fanart at the end of the fic also belongs to Haz with piercing modifications made by yours truly. I hope you all enjoy!

_____________________________________

Finn had never done anything super wild in his college days. Even now he was pretty straight-laced. 

Well.

As straight-laced as a bisexual polyamorous hockey player could be. 

Anyways. There was always something he had wanted to do but with college, and then the NHL, he could never find the time to do it. But now the season had just ended and he had a few months of free time. It was perfect.

He had been chatting with Loops at practice when it came up, just an offhand conversation. 

“When I was a PT, they were really picky about tattoos and piercings, which sucked cause I wanted both.” Remus had said as they tossed the medicine ball back and forth between them.

That had surprised Finn. A tattoo he could see, but Loops with a piercing was unexpected. “You want a piercing?” He asked.

Remus nodded, “Yeah, there’s one I really like called a vertical labret. Goes through the lower lip and comes out the bottom. I really like how it looked. Might go get after the season is over.” 

And that was how it started. Finn did a lot of research, looked into different piercings and healing time. After a while, he decided he wanted the same piercing. Remus had found them a very well recommended piercer and they had made appointments for the same day.

Now the day was here. They hadn’t told their boys where they were going, but honestly they were so into whatever game Nado and Kuny had just brought over, they could’ve walked out only wearing a jockstrap and the three boys wouldn’t have noticed. So they left the Cubhouse and made their way to the piercing place.

“Nervous?” Remus asked as they got out of the car, heading towards the shop.

Finn shrugged, fiddling with the bottom of the hoodie he was wearing. Probably Leo’s. “Little bit. But also excited.”

The shop felt welcoming from the moment they walked in. Felt more like a home than a piercing place. It helped put Finn at ease a bit. The lady at the front desk smiled as they walked in. She had a warm smile as she stood, leaning on the counter in front of her. 

“Hi there, boys, welcome to A Jab Well Done. I’m Fae. Do you have appointments?” She asked, as they walked up.

Remus nodded, “Yeah, Remus Lupin and Finn O’Hara. For the vertical labrets?” 

Eyes catching on the different piercings shown on the shelf, Finn went to go look. He was excited to pick out new jewelry to wear after it healed up. A pretty one with blue stone stuck out to him, but he’d get all that later on. 

“Alright, just need the both of you to fill out the paperwork and sign a waiver, then we’ll get started.” Fae explained, handing them both a couple of papers. 

They all moved to the waiting area, where a very comfy couch and a couple chairs were set up. Remus and Finn took the couch, while Fae sat in the chair across from them as they filled out the forms.

Fae sat back in the chair, fixing her hair into a bun, “So are these your first piercings?” She asked. Both boys nodded as they wrote, Finn looking up, “Yeah, I’m excited for it.”

She nodded with a smile, “Piercings are a lot of fun, as long as you take care of them properly. You both have nice lips for the vertical labret. I can tell that it’ll suit you.” “Thanks, I’ve been wanting it for a while so I can’t wait to see it.” Remus said as he finished up the forms. When both of them were finished, they handed over the papers to Fae who led them back to the piercing room.

Setting the papers down on the counter, Fae looked back at the pair, “Alright, so you guys are my only piercings for the next couple hours so I’ve got it mostly set up. Who wants to go first?” She asked as she washed her hands before pulling on some gloves.

“I’m gonna go first, if that’s alright.” Remus said, rubbing his hands together nervously. They trembled slightly but it was a nervous kind of excitement that vibrated through him.

Gesturing towards the chair, Fae had him sit down, setting a marker, an odd pair of tweezers and the needle. “We use a basic steel piercing for the first couple months of healing. You’re welcome to switch it out after it’s healed of course.” She explained before going on to let them know the process. Finn sat next to Remus, recording him so they could show Sirius later.

Gently holding Remus’s lip, she used the marker to place a small dot on the lower lip and then directly below it. “Alright, Remus. I’m going to use these tweezers to squeeze your lower lip, and then I’ll be pushing the needle up from the bottom mark, okay? I’m gonna ask you to take a deep breath, and then push the needle through when you let the breath out.”

Remus nodded, letting out a shaky breath, “Yeah, I’ve got it. Harzy, hold my hand.” He said, wiggling his fingers toward the redhead. Finn chuckled, holding onto Remus’s hand, “Alright, but if Cap comes after me, I’m telling him it was your idea.”

Fae smiled at the boy’s easy friendship, grabbing the tweezers and positioning them on Remus’s lip, “Alright, time for that deep breath we talked about, Remus.” She said as she positioned the needle on the bottom mark.

Closing his eyes, Remus took a deep breath before letting it out, feeling the sharp pain as the needle went through. Finn couldn’t help the gasp as he watched the needle go through. 

Fae slid the jewelry in as she pulled the needle out, screwing the little ball in on the top, “We use one that’s a little bigger to account for swelling.” She explained as she pulled away, smiling. “All done. Want to take a look?”

Remus took the mirror she held out, looking at his lip with a careful smile, “I love it. Oh my god, I really love it.” He said, looking between the mirror and Fae. “Thank you so much.” 

Nodding, Fae began to clean and sanitize all of her equipment, “Of course. I’ll explain all the aftercare when I’m done with Mr. O’Hara here, that way I don’t have to repeat it.” 

Remus moved out of the chair and took the recording phone, letting Finn take his spot, “You ready, Harz?” He asked as Finn let out a breath. 

“As I’ll ever be. You gotta hold my hand though, Loops. I held yours.” Finn pointed out, reaching for the other boy’s hand. 

Fae repeated the process, marking two dots on Finn’s lip before grabbing the lip with her tweezers, “You ready? Take that deep breath for me, Finn.” 

Finn closed his eyes, squeezing Remus’s hand as he inhaled deeply before letting out. It took a lot for him to not burst out with every curse word he knew, because fuck that hurt. 

“And you’re done.” Fae said as she fixed the piercing. 

Finn leaned forward to look in the mirror, unable to help the grin that spread on his face, “Fuck, that looks good.”

Letting out a laugh, Fae began cleaning everything up and explaining the aftercare. She gave them a packet that went over it as well as the cleaning solution for it.

She led the way back into the front area after they were done, smiling, “Well, boys, I’m so glad you like your piercings. If you have any problems or questions, feel free to call or email. And come back soon!”

After paying and profusely thanking Fae, they headed back out the door towards the car. “Think they noticed we’re gone yet?” Finn asked as they got back in the car.

Remus smirked as he buckled up, “Well, I sent Sirius a snapchat of the piercing shop sign with a smiley face. So I think they’ve got a good idea.”

Letting out a loud laugh, Finn started driving, “Oh, Loops, you fucking mastermind. Is that why they were blowing up our group chat?”

“Yeah, that’s probably why.” Remus murmured with a smirk as they pulled into the driveaway.

As they closed the car doors, three heads appeared in the front window, faces practically plastered to the glass.

Finn couldn’t help the small smirk that appeared on his face as they walked into the house, “Boys, we’re home.” The piercing caused a slight lisp to his words which made him snort to himself.

When they got to the living room, they were met with a hilarious sight. Kuny and Nado were walking out as they walked in. Their boys on the other hand were all standing behind the couch, as if they had been waiting by the window for them to get home.

Nado smiled, “They look good, boys.” 

“You send snap, now they stand watch. We go now.” Kuny muttered with a smile before they said their goodbyes, heading out the door.

Remus raised an eyebrow, smiling, “You guys alright?”

A sound that could only be equated to a whine came from Sirius whose eyes hadn’t left Remus’s lips. 

Logan made the first move, his hands coming up to hold Finn’s face, “You got your lip pierced? A-And you didn’t even tell us?” He muttered, his thumb coming to trace below the other boy’s lip.

Shrugging as he leaned into his boyfriend’s touch, Finn smiled gently, “Wanted it to be a surprise.” 

“Do they hurt?” Leo asked, face curious as he looked the new jewelry attached to Finn’s face. 

Remus pulled Sirius to him, smiling, “It’s a bit sore. But it’s fine otherwise.” 

Leaning down, Sirius pressed a soft kiss to the shorter boy’s cheek, “It suits you, mon loup.” He murmured.

“Looks so good, Harzy.” Leo said with a grin, intertwining his fingers with Finn’s. He never thought either of his boyfriends would have any piercings, but now that Finn had one. Well he was definitely a fan.

Finn smiled, trying not to bite his lip as was a habit for him, “Well, we recorded the whole thing if you want to see.”

“Oh yeah, Pads, Harzy held my hand and everything.” Remus said with a teasing smirk.

Gray eyes were quickly on the redhead who threw his hands up in defense, “No! No, don’t look at me like that! He asked me to, Cap! I was being a good friend!” 

“Three...Two…” As Sirius counted down, Finn was off running away as the captain hit one. Sirius took off after him, running throughout the house.

Remus laughed, watching as he heard the teasing fight between the two, a thud as Sirius caught up to Finn.

“It was a nice surprise, Loops. Even if you did make our boyfriend hold your hand.” Logan said with a grin, leaning into Leo’s chest.

Remus nodded, “Well, it’ll suck for at least six to eight weeks where we can’t kiss anyone.” He mentioned offhandedly. 

There was a pause before three voices chorused, “SIX TO EIGHT WEEKS?”

Yes, a long six to eight weeks indeed.