#can they start filming 23 point 5 already
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Let's talk about the symbolism of North and Night in 23.5. So the show has all these space references, but how does it apply to NorthNight? Let's look at this line said by North to Night. Is it just plain old flirting or something more? Let's look little deeper.
Starting with, North. North can be the direction but just for kicks assume North to be North Star. North Star/Pole Star, also known as Polaris is the brightest star in the Ursa Minor constellation and only visible at night. In the northern hemisphere, it can help you find your way at night as it's located in the direction of true north. For centuries, travellers have used the North Star for navigation. In astrology, North Star can be used to refer to an individual's destiny and fate.
The significance of North saying this line to Night? If North is the North Star and Night is the night sky then, presumably, Night won't lose his way if he stays with North and it was his destiny to meet him. Or the path Night takes will lead to North. Or whatever makes sense to you.
Actually, what's more fun is the link between 23.5 and North. Earth's axis is tilted 23.5 degrees from the plane of its orbit around the sun. Ongsa uses the pseudonym Earth because she likes Sun. And where is the North Star located? Right above the North Pole of Earth's rotational axis. From the trailer, it seems like Ongsa and North are friends or at least acquaintances.
Sticking to the space/ galaxy theme, their uniforms actually have 3 symbols: a circle(?), a moon and a star. The circle could be a planet or something else. They're going all in with the space theme, got to give with that.
A lot of assumptions and hypotheses but do you see it? Did they really have to make flirting so complex, I love them already. For 2 characters not even in the actual book, this is a quite a lot of work.
Hope this was an interesting read. Anyway, please support Milk, Love, Gemini and Fourth. Can't wait to see them all together!
Actually Milk and Fourth could definitely pass off as siblings, I approve. Do you think North will be a bad boy or another hopeless romantic like Tinn? Guess we'll just have to wait to watch 23.5 and find out.
Thank you Polaris by NU'EST W for reminding me of all this. Galaxy, Look(a starlight night) by NU'EST and Space by SEVENTEEN fit the vibes of the show. 🌙✨️
#23 point 5#milklove#gemini fourth#space#galaxy#north star#polaris#night#northnight#ongsasun#gemini norawit#fourth nattawat#23.5 the series#can they start filming 23 point 5 already
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STRANGER THINGS 5 PRODUCTION MASTERPOST / part 004
Go back to part 001 / 002 / 003
May 24 / 2024
We find out they are filming something in this church (in the UD)
From an update of the IG channel for the day 100 of filming - we get this little video of something happening in the season but it's not easily understandable because it's blurry
May 25 / 2024
Karen was filming something, not sure if it's related to the church, unlikely at this point but she was on set
A video drone of the Church and more pictures
They built a cemetery near the church and put the UD vines on it (not in these pics but we find out later)
May 29 / 2024
The IG channel posts pictures from inside the mansion where the Turnbow family should be living, it's speculation that Derek is their youngest son but it's not confirmed yet... This may be his room thoug, it has lots of games and nerdy stuff
Confirmation that it's the mansion
May 30 /2024
The Creel house is getting prepared so they can film in it
Someone literally broke in the set lmao here are close ups of the radio station set
June 1 / 2024
There's UD vines in the Church set (note! The filming at the church set was set to start before but allegedly they had to reschedule because Noah aka Will had a problem at his eye so Will should be involved in the scenes there probably, they should start in August)
More pictures of the church set
June 4 / 2024
FIRST LOOK AT HENRY CREEL IN COSTUME AND ALSO HOLLY WHEELER - my idea is that Vecna is targeting Holly and making her have a vision or he has her in his mind space already after she gets kidnapped by him
More pictures of Holly looking at something she received in the mail it's the same scene with Henry
More pics of Henry and Holly
There's now a graveyard on the church set
Video and pictures of it
June 5 / 2024
Video of Holly and Henry Creel interacting, someone filmed the scene with a drone
June 8 / 2024
They are filming at the Creel house and at the Creel playground and there seem too be other children with Holly, she is dressed like Henry is using her as his doll in a dollhouse so I think this is inside the mind space, she has a different outfit because it's playing dress up and the other children may be those who he killed before... He may think she's similar to his sister Alice
June 9 / 2024
We sort of get it confirmed that Mike and Lucas have bonding moments in S5 from the actors at a convention
Better quality pictures of Mike and El on the roof in probably ep. 1
June 10 / 2024
This may be a young Joyce flashback (?) there's someone on set at the playground that looks like could be possibly her
Video and pictures of Holly with the new outfit, always on the Creel playground/house set - the playground is in front of the Creel house
June 11 / 2024
New pics from the Church set with the UD vines and all
Video
The set designer of stranger things answer some questions
June 15 / 2024
People go inside the Hawkins school and find random stuff left out there from the sets: 1 / 2 / 3
June 16 / 2024
A new actor in costume is seen on set at the playground, it's a girl with brown hair
June 17 / 2024
Pics and video from the military sets
June 19 / 2024
They film something at stone mountain cemetery
More pics, it seems it could be a cemetery in a vision because the names look weird, not sure if the McKinney grave was already there for a coincidence or was added by production... But actually it could be the UD maybe, I'm not 100% sure on this.
June 21 /2024
This is now basically confirmed... We'll get some type of flashback of Jonathan, Will and Mike when they were younger, Will and Mike were 8 and Jonathan 13... They are looking to cast the actors
June 22 / 2024
Steve's car is seen going around the cemetery
June 23 / 2024
Pics from the downtown Hawkins set, they may be filming in the library
New set in a field that has something to do with the military probably and also random pictures from downtown Hawkins, shops etc
June 24 / 2024
Military scenes are being filmed in downtown Hawkins
They are looking for photo doubles and military stuff is being filmed, someone sneaked in
June 25 / 2024
Pics of Downtown Hawkins, Holly, Will and Mike are seen in their bikes going around town, Jonathan's double can be seen, he did NOT lose an arm lmfao we found out they make a version of the costumes without sleeves because it's too hot for the actors to wear the winter clothes in the summer all day... Jonathan was spared... For now.......
Holly going on her bike
FIRST LOOK AT MIKE AND WILL (and Holly) going together somewhere with their bikes
Again
Blurry pictures of it
A video / again
My speculation: Will and Mike are riding with Holly for a bit until they leave her to go to the radio station, this happens in ep. 1
June 26 / 2024
More pictures of the military in Hawkins downtown, the blue van and there's a car chase scene apparently
Military + Jonathan's double
Night scenes with the blue van and the truck going somewhere
Soldiers
June 27 / 2024
New location, field or the woods in the UD
June 28 / 2024
Various new/old pics church set, cemetery etc
June 30 / 2024
A video of the actors for Will, Mike and Holly... Same scene with the bikes I think
Main cast took a break in for a few weeks in July
Videos of the filming in the fields/woods but from a very far away distance lol
July 3 / 2024
Ross posts a picture with the crew and cast, there's Mike, Will, and Jonathan and Nancy's doubles + blurry people and a video of Finn on set - week 24 of filming
July 7 / 2024
Derek is seen on set in Hawkins with the military
July 10 / 2024
Caleb posts a video getting ready on set
They are filming something in the Hawkins laboratory set, it seems it may be from the UD because the cars seem to be the 1983 models and there's the white van that was used in S1 to spy on the Byers
Rumor is that El is involved but it's not confirmed...
July 11 / 2024
The IG channel posts a video of Erica getting ready to film at school
July 12 / 2024
New pictures of the WSQK Radio station with the sign lit up! Super cool 😎
July 13 / 2024
These posters from the stranger things the first shadow play may have hints about storylines in season 5
July 15 / 2024
FIRST OFFICIAL TEASER OF STRANGER THINGS 5 !!!!
Screenshots from the teaser part 1
Screenshots from the teaser part 2
My analysis of the scenes and my speculation
The new actors of Stranger things 5: Nell Fisher plays Holly, Alex Breaux plays someone in the military probably, Jake Connelly is playing Derek
Pics of the Duffers with the military on set
Pics of Mike and Robin together in the same scene, Mike has a bruise/scar on his face (like I THEORIZED BEFORE 🤭)
Again
The outfits make me think it's from ep. 3 or 4
My speculation about this locker at school
Last update from me : 16 of July - if you don't find something, I have probably not updated the post, but you should find it in the " st5 production " tag in my blog!!
For my personal speculation about stuff you can search St5 speculation ( warning ⚠️ there's lots of byler lmao)
Go back to 001 / 002 / 003
to be continued...
#st5 spoilers#st5#stranger things#st5 production#byler#stranger things 5 production masterpost#stranger things 5
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Timeline: Part 8 - November 2017
For earlier timeline posts: click here or here.
The one where Meghan's hustle finally starts paying off.
Also, Meghan's PR loyalties begin changing during this month. By mid-December 2017, she's stopped leaking to her usual sources - Star Magazine, US Weekly, and E News.
And when the engagement is announced, you can watch the official stories of how Meghan and Harry met begin changing in real-time.
11/1/2017: No new Meghan or Harkle stories.
11/2/2017: Meghan teases an engagement with adoption of a royal wardrobe.
11/3/2017: Meghan's role on a 2009 TV show resurfaces. Samantha Markle reveals internal family racism towards Doria and Meghan, and William's friends reopen a nightclub that Harry used to party at.
11/4/2017: No new Meghan or Harkle stories.
11/5/2017: No new Meghan or Harkle stories.
11/6/2017: No new Meghan or Harkle stories.
11/7/2017: No new Meghan or Harkle stories.
11/8/2017: Soho Farmhouse announces expansion plans. Meghan merches beauty products and calls Kate a fashion copycat.
11/9/2017: No new Meghan or Harkle stories.
11/10/2017: A television program searches for a Meghan Markle lookalike.
11/11/2017: No new Meghan or Harkle stories.
11/12/2017: Remembrance Sunday for the UK. The press points out that Harry is breaking military code by keeping his beard whilst wearing a military uniform. Doria sells her high school photos to the Daily Mail.
11/13/2017: Meghan papped filming wedding scenes for Suits.
11/14/2017: Meghan papped again on Suits sets. She fuels engagement rumors by hinting she plans to leave the show (but technically she already confirmed it last month).
11/15/2017: Affair rumors about Prince Philip resurface, ahead of The Crown Season 2 release. Promos reveal that the season will focus on tension in Philip and Elizabeth's marriage.
11/16/2017: Meghan lays groundwork for a PR narrative that the royal family is jealous of her popularity by reminding everyone that The Queen and Prince Philip were angry about Diana's popularity.
11/17/2017: Meghan's body-double/Suits stand-in reveals Meghan is moving to London soon. Meghan moves her dogs to the UK and merches her boots.
11/18/2017: Genealogists discover that Meghan's ancestor was beheaded by Henry VIII.
11/19/2017: Meghan owes her celebrity to her father's lottery win. Diana's former lover, Hasnat Khan, announces his engagement.
11/20/2017: The Queen and Prince Philip celebrate 70 years of marriage and Her Majesty appoints Philip Knight Grand Cross of the Royal Victorian Order. The royals celebrate with a swanky party at Windsor Castle; Meghan is not invited (her absence is confirmed next month). Meanwhile:
Meghan is papped arriving at the UK airport.
Samantha Markle gives an interview declaring desire to be invited to the royal wedding.
Financial reports announce that the Royal Family has contributed 1.8 billion pounds to the UK economy.
A rumor begins that Prince George will make a special guest appearance on Fireman Sam.
11/21/2017: Meghan is papped in London doing her Christmas shopping. She leaks to US Weekly that she has officially moved out of her Toronto house, her furniture was put into storage, and her personal belongings have been shipped to the UK.
The Daily Mail fires a warning to Meghan about how the 'needy' King Edward trapped Wallis Simpson and made it so she couldn't leave him. The implication is that Harry is similarly needy and will trap Meghan in a similar unhappiness.
11/22/2017: Meghan merches her scarf.
11/23/2017: Meghan gets a facial and merches the spa, fueling engagement rumors.
11/24/2017: Revisiting Prince Philip's stag party. Kensington Palace announces William and Kate will attend the Royal Variety Performance. Meghan leaks to E News that she and Harry are "practically" engaged, fueling more engagement rumors.
11/25/2017: No new Meghan or Harkle stories.
11/26/2017: Meghan merches her facialist and her treatment. The Daily Mail scoops Buckingham Palace and reveals an announcement is coming. They also recap Harry and Meghan's relationship and reveal that both Doria and Meghan have received RPO security details.
11/27/2017: Kensington Palace announces the engagement of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle and:
The Telegraph republishes its "Meghan Markle: The Making of a Hollywood Princess" story.
Meghan merches her coat, shoes, health tips, beauty, skincare, and boots.
They hint at receiving Sussex titles.
Revisiting all of Harry's ex-girlfriends.
Meet Meghan's besties and potential bridesmaids.
The Markle family comments on the royal engagement.
Meghan and Harry will live in Nottingham Cottage.
How Meghan Markle went from seedy LA tenement to the Palace.
How Catholic Meghan Markle survived her parents' LA divorce.
Meghan's life in photos
Meet the Markles
Meghan and Crown Princess Mary (of Denmark) are style sisters.
Mishal Husain was hand-picked by Harry to conduct the engagement interview.
Speculation about the wedding dress begins, with Meghan teasing an Australian designer.
Meghan leaks to US Weekly that she and Harry spent the weekend away before announcing their engagement.
Meghan leaks about her preparation and support from Harry to become royal.
Diana and Meghan would have been best friends.
Meghan retires from acting.
How Meghan tamed Harry
Royal fashion showdown: Meghan, Diana, and Kate
11/28/2017: Engagement coverage continues.
Violet von Wesetenholz is the royal matchmaker.
Doria gives a statement on the engagement.
Meghan's sixth grade school photos are published.
Meghan's sexy online photos resurface.
Quid pro quo: How Meghan supports her friends
Meghan and Harry merch Luckington Manor as a prospective home.
No, it's not Violet. The royal matchmaker is Misha Nonoo.
Harry papped at the gym in Chelsea.
Meghan did the calligraphy for Robin Thicke and Paula Patton's wedding.
Actually, Markus Anderson is the royal matchmaker. (I believe this one; the source is US Weekly, which is a confirmed Meghan ally. The Violet and Misha stories are from the Daily Mail.)
Samantha Markle says Thomas wants to walk Meghan down the aisle.
Meghan leaks that she and Harry secretly visited The Queen after announcing engagement.
See? Meghan can do royal glam too -- 11 times she won the red carpet.
Meghan merches her fashion sense and style.
11/29/2017: Engagement coverage continues.
All about Meghan's genealogy (again)
Meghan reveals Bogart was too old to fly and was left behind in Canada. She also leaks that the BRF is forcing her to stop acting and that the BRF is also making her stop her private charity work.
Meghan the humanitarian
Ninaki Preddy sells pictures to the Daily Mail. The motherlode includes a photograph of Meghan posing outside Buckingham Palace.
Meghan expected to join the royal family at Sandringham for Christmas.
Meghan merches tongue massages.
Aaron Korsh, the creator of Suits, reveals that Meghan was written out of Suits in 2016.
Meghan leaks her expectations to be better than Princess Grace of Monaco.
Meghan merches her beauty routine again.
11/30/2017: New day, same story.
Meghan is on the cover of Elle France.
Meghan merches her nose.
Meghan's soap commercial resurfaces.
Meghan's sorority pictures are published.
Kensington Palace announces wedding will be in May.
Remember when Meghan was a fashion expert/consultant for the Today show?
Northwestern University remembers Meghan.
Meghan has royal ancestors.
How will Meghan become a British citizen?
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A rant and theory
It’s really long, but I think I make some valid points.
Supernatural was on for 15 years. There have been interactions with the cast, some crew, some producers, directors, writers, etc. due to the ongoing conventions and the existence of social media. Writers will talk about changes to scripts, actors will talk about filming, directors will talk about why they chose a certain angle.
Given that most of the fans/stans do not personally know any of the people involved or personally know anything about the things that are/aren’t going on, it’s weird the way some fans/stans speak so confidently about what happened with SPN behind-the-scenes, production, writing, casting, you name it!
Especially when it comes to PrequelGate. People will state with their whole chest, that their version of events is absolutely correct. One J is an asshole, and one J is an innocent baby. Which J is which depends on who is talking. It can be either or both. The only thing that all fans who have theories have in common is that there is a definite good guy and a bad guy.
But the Js are still friends. They say they got over it and forgave. Since no one has given any details, I thought I’d join the bandwagon and come up with a theory of my own. One where there is no good guy/bad guy. So here goes.
I fully believe that the story of The Winchesters was not meant to be an AU. It was supposed to take place between 15.19 and 15.20, with Dean and Sam finding out about their parents. They had to switch it to the AU version because of the leak, a new timetable, and the fact that Jared was no longer available. There is also a recent podcast (I don't have a link) where a writer from The Winchesters said that Robbie Thompson, the writer and show runner for The Winchesters, kind of knew that they were only going to get 1 season because of all the mergers/sales of the networks and studios.
Robbie Thompson said in an interview (https://tvline.com/news/the-winchesters-recap-season-1-finale-dean-heaven-multiverse-jensen-ackles-1234942742/) “There was the spot that takes place in between Episodes 19 and 20, when what happens to Dean happens to Dean… So there was an opportunity to tell stories there, but that just didn’t work for me because we wouldn’t have access to Sam in that way, in a way that we could easily explain or at least emotionally explain, and that just didn’t feel like it was a story that certainly I wanted to tell and none of us did.” (Underlining mine) They wouldn’t have access to Sam because Jared could not be involved. Not because no one wanted him, but because he just couldn’t.
The reason I believe this is because of the following.
It starts with Virtual Con (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ADYwrZ787a0) held in March 2021. In the video, the question about Chaos Machine projects starts at around 23 minutes. Watch Jared’s face throughout Jensen’s whole answer. He’s nodding along, looking at his screen, and not even showing the slightest surprise in what Jensen is saying. He doesn’t because he already knows. To me, that is the face of someone who already knows what the other person is talking about. Jared already knows which projects Jensen is working on. He knows which alum he is talking about. So he just sits there and lets Jensen answer. His quip at the end that he will also be acting in it is just that, a quip for the fans. Because (supposedly) he is bound by a 5-year contract to CBS. He can not legally get involved in Jensen’s project with WB. He can acknowledge that he knows about it, but he has to show that he is absolutely not involved.
Next is the announcement of The Winchesters in June 2021 by Deadline. There were tweets by Jared that said he was upset that he didn’t know about it and that he wasn’t involved. There was also a tweet directed at Robbie Thompson calling him a back stabber that was later deleted. And, silence from Jensen, because he was unable to come online and address anything because he was on set in Canada.
Things were set in motion that were not meant to be put in motion for a while. I don’t think Chaos Machine was ready to start casting/filming yet. I think Jensen and Jared were trying to make it work with CBS so that Jared could be involved in the prequel. But those talks weren’t finished, or possibly even started yet. But the leak by Deadline, the WB/Discovery merger, and Mark Pedowitz leaving, combined to put pressure to do the show sooner, while Pedowitz was still in charge. If they waited, then nothing might come of Chaos Machine’s deal with WB once the new owners came in. Maybe they were waiting for Jensen to finish shooting The Boys to get together and talk about all this, but they still hadn't.
And this is what Jared was upset about. He thought there was time before the show would start, so was surprised that it was announced without him knowing. It also explains why he thought Robbie Thompson back-stabbed him. Because he was going to be a part of this show, and now he couldn’t. He couldn’t even say he had been part of the development from the beginning because it would be against his contract with CBS. He can’t even say wants to be a part of it now, because again, it would be against his contract with CBS. He’s upset, because he hasn’t had any communication from Jensen about this going through, and Jensen was also unreachable. So he vented online a little.
Once this narrative that Jared was never involved, and would not appear in it, spread, all of them had to run with it. Jensen apologized for not telling Jared. He said he was superstitious. He wanted to tell Jared, but he didn’t have his phone. That he was on set. That Jared couldn’t participate because he was busy. Etc. etc.
But, when Jared spoke with Jensen, and was (possibly) made aware that the news came out because it was leaked, and that they didn’t have time to clue Jared in, and (possibly) they were thinking of doing the show sooner because of WB, Pedowitz, Zaslav, etc., and that they were still in a holding phase, Jared forgave Jensen.
All of the above explains the inconsistencies and “lies” and “tantrums” and finally the forgiveness, and moving on.
I choose to believe that neither Jared nor Jensen are entitled assholes. They do not owe the fans any BTS details.
I’m sure people can tear this apart, but their theories don’t hold up either.
#jensen ackles#jared padalecki#spnfandom#spn#prequelgate#supernatural#the winchesters#supernatural fandom
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In honor of AGCD 🤠, a list of my berserk findings in roughly chronological order RE: A RWRB Sequel:
1. When the movie come out, Casey did an AMA on Threads for both Alex, then Henry. In Henry's AMA, they posted this:
Meaning at the very least they'd be open to writing/sharing/creating more for Alex and Henry, if not a direct sequel [more from the AMA: X]
2. Casey also had an interview with Out Magazine in Nov '23 where they were asked if the want to write a sequel and they said "Of course I'd love to! 😉 I don't think i'm allowed to say anything more than that.😊" They're so fucking precious. We all know what 'not allowed to say' means. [twitter video: X]
3. Taylor has had a bunch of interviews recently, mostly as an ambassador to the SAG awards. He's been asked a dozen times about a RWRB sequel and everytime he says something along the lines of "Anything could happen! But I don't know, they don't tell me these things aha! 🤪 Give me a call!" And he's so unbelieveably obvious that his interview clips have already been compared to Andrew Garfield denying having any role in Spider-Man: No Way Home: [tiktok: X]
4. PrimeVideoUK has been bringing up RWRB & Firstprince more on social media recently. It could be for any number of reasons, it's their movie they can market however they feel like. Especially since Nick has a bunch of projects releasing rn (one of which, The Idea Of You is also releasing on Prime this summer), they may want to capitalize on the attention on him. Or, it could be to test RWRB's engagement #s... [tweet: X] [tweet: X] [twitter poll w/a rwrb sweep: X] [tiktok: X] And all the comments on these posts (and more) are begging for a sequel. So, if their social media manager is passing on the message... 👀
5. This is def a reach, so if you don't mind, i'm pulling out the red string for this conspiracy corkboard. But Casey was recently in London, it could have been a trip for literally anything. But, the first movie was filmed (and maybe produced idfk) in London. [insta post: X] they sold the movie rights for RWRB before the book was released, if I'm remembering that right, but maybe they retain rights to sign off on a sequel.
so anyway i was thinking about all those little things adding up in my head and thinking i was on to some kind of conspiracy then Nick goes and does press for Mary & George (which i just started, and is amazing btw) and says this shit:
6. Nick confirms in an interview with HitsRadio that they're talking about a RWRB sequel. Just flat out: "Yeah obv conversations are happening, duh! 😇" energy. God bless him. He says there have been conversations about a sequel. And, they're all on the same page that the script needs to be right and "all the components" need to be right. [X minute 15:50 they bring up the rwrb sequel, but the whole interview is great and you should watch it!]
ANYWAY i'm in a land of delusion, gnawing on the iron bars of my enclosure, etc, but also maybe not bc they're talking about a sequel and now we just need to wait for the greenlight
And (pseudo point #7), it would be a dumb business decision for Prime to not make a sequel. RWRB did way too well for an LGBT product, releasing during a dual actors and writer's strike, with little to no promo and zero press tour. From the RWRB Wikipedia page: "For the first three weeks after its release, it was the top watched film worldwide on the platform and provoked what Prime Video described as "a huge surge" of new subscribers." [X] And subscribers are all these streaming services care about.
I can't wait to reblog this with a screenshot when they inevitably post an offical confirmation for a sequel movie...
#the special intrest popped out here ngl#but im having fun with my red string and frantic gesturing towards social media screenshots#let me have this#rwrb#red white and royal blue#casey mcquiston#nicholas galitzine#taylor zakhar perez#rwrb sequel
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Matt & Me🎀
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24
a story heavily based on Priscilla Presley’s Book “Elvis & Me” based in the 1950’s - 1970’s.
fem! reader x singer! matt
disclaimer!! - in no way am i saying matt would ever support or do these kind of things, for the sake of the book certain unethical things do happen at times.
warnings - sexual refrences, drug usage
y/nn = your nickname for any confusion🩷
Chapter 9
Matt sent two first-class plane tickets. My father took a leave of absence from his duties in Germany, and we flew off to Los Angeles, where Matt was filming Fun in Acapulco.
We stayed at the Bel Air Sands Hotel, and Matt was the perfect host. He’d pick us up in either a white Rolls-Royce or his famous gold Cadillac and take us on a sightseeing tour along the ocean to Malibu or into Hollywood.
My father was impressed with Matt’s hospitality, but not enough to forget why he was there—to talk about my education and my future at Graceland. Matt didn’t want to jeopardize the deal they had already made, and every time my father brought up my schooling, Matt would find a Hollywood landmark to point out.
“And over there, Captain,” he said, changing the subject as we cruised down Hollywood Boulevard, “is Grauman’s Chinese Theater. I’m sure you’ve heard of that. If you get out here, you can see all the stars of your era, their handprints and footprints. There’s Betty Grable, you remember her, don’t you? Marilyn Monroe, Kennedy’s friend, and if you look hard enough, you might spot Trigger’s hoofprint.” As my father stepped out of the car, Matt added, “I don’t think MacArthur’s are there yet, but I’m working on it.” We all laughed at the incongruity of General MacArthur bending over the wet concrete next to Jane Russell.
After a few days, my father and I flew to Boston and he and James enrolled me in the school Matt had chosen, Immaculate Conception, an all-girls high school, while Matt himself remained in L.A. to finish the film.
Before I left, he assured me that he’d be home soon and that he’d see me in a few weeks.
Matt and I planned to live together at Graceland eventually, but we’d told my parents that I would be staying with James and Angela, so when I arrived in Boston, I moved into their home. James assured my father that I’d be in good hands and not to worry.
The concerned look on my father’s face moved me. It was such a helpless look filled with doubts and fears about whether he was making the right decision. Only time would tell. He returned to Germany and I settled into my new routine.
In the beginning James drove me to and from school, where word of my identity soon leaked out. As I walked down the hallway, heads would turn and whispers would start. Once, a note that was being passed in study hall ended up on the floor. I saw my name on it and picked it up.
“Her name’s y/n,” I read. “She’s supposed to be Matt Sturniolo’s new girlfriend. If we make friends with her, maybe she’ll introduce us to him. Oh, God, wouldn’t that be neat!”
I didn’t know who the writer was, but I couldn’t mistake the meaning. The friendly smiles concealed intentions to get to Matt through me. Consequently, I was afraid to get close to anyone at school, and began to feel lonely and unhappy.
Living with James and Angela was also difficult. I felt out of place in their home, and did not want to be an intrusion in their personal life. I began spending more time with Grandma at Graceland, often staying all night, and gradually, almost unnoticed, I began to move in my things. By the time Matt suggested that I move into Graceland, I already had.
But living on “the hill,” as we called it, was isolated. The only people there were Grandma and the maids, and during the day, the secretaries, Becky Yancy and Patsy Sturniolo. Patsy was Matt’s double first cousin (her mother was Mary Lou’s sister and her father was James’s brother) and also served as James’s confidante. We were close, and after school I would go into the office to talk with her and Becky. But James felt my visits kept the girls from working and finally he put a sign on the door specifying: no one belongs in the office unless they work there, or have an appointment. I knew that meant me too, so I curtailed my visits.
There were other restrictions. I was told that I couldn’t have girlfriends over because strangers weren’t allowed in the house. One day, I was severely criticized for sitting under the trees on the front lawn. I was playing with Honey, the poodle Matt had given me for Christmas, when a friend of Angela’s drove up and told me that I was making a public display of myself.
Even at school, I felt restricted because James was still chauffeuring me there and back. Without my own car, I couldn’t leave the school grounds to take a drive at lunch or when my classes were cut short. At last I asked James if I could use Matt’s Lincoln Mark V and reluctantly, he agreed.
That evening I went for a drive. With the radio blaring and the windows wide open I sped down Highway 51 South, enjoying my newfound independence. I pulled up in front of Patsy Sturniolo’s house and said, “Hop in. Let’s go for a drive.”
Patsy introduced me to Leonard’s Drive-In, where we would spend at least one night a week when we didn’t go bowling or to a movie. But I went out less frequently when the two hundred dollars that my father had given me rapidly began slipping through my fingers. Matt had assured my father not to worry about money, that if I needed any, his father would give it to me. So, with gas added to my expenses, I had no choice but to approach James, as Matt had instructed me.
Hesitantly I walked into his office. I was nervous about talking to James, who had a sharp tongue and said exactly what he thought. Finally I said, “Mr. Sturniolo, I was wondering if I could have some money. I’m spending a lot on gas, which doesn’t leave much for anything else.”
“How much do you think you need?” he asked, his eyes narrowing suspiciously.
“I . . . I don’t know,” I stammered.
He thought for a moment, then said, “Okay, I’ll give you thirty-five dollars. How does that sound?”
Thirty-five dollars sounded fine at the moment, but it didn’t go very far, not with movie tickets, gas, and clothes to buy. Two weeks later I asked him for money to go out with Patsy.
“Hot damn,” he snapped. “Didn’t I just give you thirty-five dollars?”
“That was two weeks ago, Mr. Sturniolo. I can’t stretch it any further than that.”
He stared angrily at me and then his face softened.
“Well, I guess things can get pretty expensive,” he said, counting out another thirty-five dollars. “Now you and Patsy be careful driving out there. You know there’s a lot of accidents on that highway. Why don’t you call me when you get to the theater?”
At the time his caution surprised me, but remembering what Matt had said about Mary Lou, I knew that this was also typical of the rest of the Sturniolos. They always felt better if you called when you arrived at your destination and again before you left for home.
Matt phoned later that evening. In the course of the conversation he asked, “How are you doing on cash, Baby?”
“Funny you should ask that,” I said, mentioning his father’s reaction when I asked for money.
Matt started laughing. “That’s my dad. He’s always been tight. Getting money from him is worse than going to the local bank, even if you’ve got good credit. That’s why I have him taking care of my bills. Every penny’s accounted for. I wouldn’t trust anybody else. Too many thieves. Don’t worry about it. I’ll talk to him.”
I ended up laughing too. Matt’s sense of humor was contagious. He laughed about things that often wouldn’t make sense to anyone else, yet anyone around him would usually end up laughing too.
Unfortunately, Matt forgot to speak to his father. Rather than ask for handouts, I resolved to earn my own money. I began modeling part-time at a boutique near Graceland. When I told Matt about my job, he said, “You’re gonna have to give it up.”
“But I’m enjoying it,” I said.
“It’s either me or a career, Baby. Because when I call you, I need you to be there.”
I quit the modeling job the next day, which left me with very little to do. I started spending even more time in Grandma’s room. I liked being with her. She was always in her favorite chair, ready to share her loving stories about Matt.
Most of them dealt with his early years and the family’s struggle against poverty. Suffering and worry seemed to be the very fabric of Sturniolo’s lives. Any time Matt failed to call home for two days in a row, they worried that something terrible had happened to him in California. Matt’s enormous success and wealth notwithstanding, they were convinced that some misfortune was going to snatch it all away from them. Sometimes all this talk of suffering depressed me.
My only relief was Patsy Sturniolo, and I went to her every chance I got. But then Grandma complained that she was being neglected. She reminded me that Matt’s old girlfriends used to stay with her every single night he was gone. Torn, I couldn’t wait for Matt’s return.
I anxiously waited for his call. It usually came in the early evening.
“Hi, Baby. How’s my girl?” he asked, his voice bright and full of energy.
Happy to hear from him, I said, “I’m fine, Matt.” I tried to mention how lonely I was, but he cut in. “It won’t be long, Baby. Just a few more weeks, and we’ll be wrapping up.”
“I’m glad. I’ll be so happy to see you.”
“Well, then, let me hear some enthusiasm.” He began describing a silly incident that had taken place on the set that day, trying to make me laugh.
I wanted to say, “Matt, talk to me, help me get through these new experiences.” But I realized that he didn’t want to hear about my problems. He felt he had enough of his own. When he asked me how I was doing, I became very animated and said, “Just great, Matt. Everything is wonderful.”
But when we hung up, I still felt an emptiness. I began counting the days until he came home.
After several delays Matt finished Fun in Acapulco and headed back to Graceland. Still afraid of flying, he traveled with the entourage in his huge, custom-built bus, the same one we’d taken to Vegas the year before. At every stop he called Graceland with a progress report. “I’m in Flagstaff now,” he said. “Only a few more days and I’ll be home. How’s my Little Girl doing?”
With each day’s phone call I became increasingly excited. I awaited Matt’s arrival with open arms and a big smile.
Finally one evening he called and said he’d be pulling in around midnight. By ten o’clock, fans were already waiting at the gate. How they found out was a mystery. I was among a small group of his friends and relatives gathered in the living room. All of us peered impatiently out the large window facing the long circular driveway.
I had been hoping that our reunion would be intimate, romantic. But I could now see that it was not to be, and I wondered if Matt would be upset that so many people were around.
By twelve-thirty, the fans at the gate started shrieking and the powerful glaring lights of the bus swept the driveway. Matt was behind the wheel and smoothly brought the bus to a halt. He was the first one out and he came through the front door like a shot.
“Where’s my girl?” he called out, looking around for me.
“Hello,” I said. It seemed more like months than weeks since I’d last seen him.
“Hello?” he echoed in a mocking voice, coming up to me. “I’ve been gone all this time and all you can say is ‘hello’?” Then he lifted me into the air, kissing and hugging me. “God, it’s good to be home.” He looked around and saw his grandma.
“Dodger, you waited up for me too, bless your heart.” He hugged her and patted the back of her head. Then he greeted the rest of the household. Matt could be extremely affectionate, and this particular night he had hugs for everyone.
With his arrival, Graceland sprang to life. The maids started cooking, and the boys were talking, greeting their wives and girlfriends, and soon they were bringing in the luggage and unpacking it.
After being alone so long, I found this sudden intensity and energy overpowering. I stood amid the commotion, watching Matt go upstairs, as he called out to Pauline, “O Five, what’s for dinner?”
I didn’t know whether to follow him or wait. I didn’t want to appear too excited, so I stayed downstairs until I heard, “y/nn, come up here.” Then I couldn’t get up those stairs fast enough.
We had a few quiet moments together in his room. He asked how I was doing, if I liked school, and if his dad was taking care of me. I started to tell him everything I hadn’t been able to on the phone, that I had missed him, that I had been lonely, that I really wanted to find a job. Then I stopped myself. This wasn’t what Matt wanted to hear.
After a few minutes of talking about Grandma, he kissed me and said, “Well, let’s join the others and eat.”
When we got downstairs the rooms that for weeks had been so quiet were now filled with guests laughing and cracking jokes.
Graceland was—as local DJ George Klein put it—ready to rock and roll.
We had a down-home meal of pork chops, cornbread, home fries, and crowder peas. While we were sitting around the table, local friends dropped by to visit and to catch up on all the gossip about Matt’s latest movie.
“Goddamn, she was a big woman,” Matt was saying about his costar. “Body like a man—no hips, and shoulders broader than mine. I was embarrassed to take my goddamn shirt off next to her.”
“Yeah, but M,” Alan Smith kidded him, “she only had eyes for you.”
“No way, Son, not with John Derek lurking all over the place. I’d be goddamned if I’d start a conversation with her and see his possessive eyes glaring at me. You know he gave her a car, and on the steering wheel it said, ‘Baby, you’re indispensable.’ Head over heels in love with her. Never saw anything like it.”
I was surprised to hear how Matt was talking about Ursula Andress, the alluring sex goddess of Dr. No.
“Wasn’t she pretty?” I asked.
“Pretty?” he snickered. “Hell, she had a bone structure so sharp, it could cut you in half if you turned too fast.”
Everyone howled, including me. Matt’s stories went on for hours. Again I felt out of touch with the conversation and wished I had some colorful stories of my own. I kept wondering when we were going to have some time alone. My world consisted solely of him. I sat quietly, happily observing him. Whenever he winked at me or gave my hand a little squeeze, I returned the gesture, thinking, now? Does he want me to leave, so he can follow me? But then he’d lean back in his chair and begin telling another story.
It was almost dawn before he yawned and said, “Well, we better get some sleep.”
We all rose from the table. He looked over at me, smiled, and said, “Do I have to write a note for school saying you were sick today? Think they’d believe me?”
Everyone laughed—and I blushed.
He put his arm around my waist as we made our way up the staircase to his room. If I appeared cool it was because I was mindful of something he’d once told me: He detested aggressive women. In fact, I was ecstatic. I’m finally going to be alone with him, I thought. All the phone calls, the worrying, the anticipation, and the delays are now over.
I got ready for bed at least fifteen minutes before he came out of his bathroom. He counted out his usual number of sleeping pills and took them one at a time. “Why are you taking those now?” I asked. “You’ll fall asleep.” I had plans, and the last thing I wanted was for him to doze off.
“Don’t worry. It’ll take a while for them to take effect.” He handed me a pill. “Here, just take one of these and you’ll get a good night’s sleep. It’s okay since you’re not going to school this morning.” He cautioned, “I wouldn’t advise it on school nights though.”
I looked at the red monster, remembering my earlier experience with it. “It won’t knock me out for ten days, will it?” I smiled at him as I swallowed the pill. It gave me a nice feeling. My body tingled. I was light-headed but more in control this time.
Snuggled in Matt’s arms, I was happy to be near him, his warm body against mine. Because of the sleeping pill, I could feel my inhibitions dissolving.
“How’s my Little Girl been?” He was speaking very softly now. “I’ve missed her. Has she been good?”
“Yes, she’s been good,” I said. “But she’s been waiting for you. It’s been so lonely here. She couldn’t wait to be in your arms, and she’s been thinking about you so much.”
“Shhh, don’t say anything else. I know you’ve missed me. I want you to just be here with me now and don’t think about anything else. Let’s enjoy each other.”
I was aware of the distant hum of the air conditioner, the music from the radio, the soft glow of the dim lights. Gently and tenderly he began to touch me.
He was passionate and again seemed to be making up for lost time. I felt sure the night would end with Matt finally making love to me. I was drunk with ecstasy. I wanted him. I became bolder, reaching out to him, totally open and honest in my need.
Then, as before when we’d reach this point, he stopped and whispered, “Don’t get carried away, Baby. Let me decide when it should happen. It’s a very sacred thing to me. It always has been. You know that I want it to be something to look forward to. It keeps the desire there. Do you know what I mean?”
I sat up in anger. “What about Nicole?” I yelled. “You mean you didn’t make love to her the whole four years you went with her?”
“Just to a point. Then I stopped. It was difficult for her too, but that’s just how I feel.”
“That’s how you feel. What about me? How long do you think this can go on? God, Matt, that takes a lot of willpower. That’s asking a lot of another person, one who’s in love and has strong, healthy desires.”
“Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying we can’t do other things. It’s just the actual encounter. I want to save it.”
Fearful of not pleasing him—of destroying my image as his little girl—I resigned myself to the long wait.
Instead of consummating our love in the usual way, he began teaching me other means of pleasing him. We had a strong connection, much of it sexual. The two of us created some exciting and wild times.
Excerpt from: "Elvis and Me" by Priscilla Beaulieu Presley. Scribd.
This material may be protected by copyright.
a/n - i think im going to start doing longer chapters🎀
#matt stuniolo fanfic#matthew sturn#chris sturniolo#matthew sturniolo#matt sturniolo#christopher sturniolo#sturniolo edit#sturniolo fanfic#sturniolo imagine#sturniolo smut#sturniolo triplets#sturniolo x reader#nick sturniolo#Spotify
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CPN : Same phone case timeline 🗓️📱
just when i thought the posts i’m making on here to archive all the candies couldn’t get any weirder, this happens. lol. i have to say that the cpn about the phone case has really become more popular ( and notorious ) than i thought it would be. it just seemed so common to have the same plain-looking case as someone — but if you really look at the variables, you’ll notice that some things don’t add up.
this is all speculation/interpretation/opinion in the pov of a bxg. the timeline is real tho.
I decided to make this because it seems like what we know about it’s first appearance is all wrong. initially, this was noticed w/ ZZ @ Weibo TV & Movie awards then we kept our eye on it. However, recent “developments” show that it was earlier than that.
• A fan found a photo ( i won’t repost here cause it was sneakily taken at a public place ) of Bobo back in 6/2022 as well as 8/2022 where he was already using that phone case with a card slot. his phone case design in recent years ( late 21-23 ) has really been difficult to place since he rarely ( never ) takes mirror selfies anymore or even takes his phone out in public.
I found this additional timeline explanation that says WYB’s assistant during CQL was also using a phone card case at that time. We don’t know the connection or if he is still in close contact with WYB and they used the same one. In ZZ’s vlog from 8/22, he was only using a clear case. He changed his phone in September so that’s when the new phone card case was bought, and he got one ( allegedly ) for WYB so they can really match. The one he used in 6/22 was him ( wyb ) starting the “trend” of the phone card case and ZZ was not onboard yet.
• 9/2022 to early 10/22, I’m using this month here cause in 2/2023 we got the SBMS behind the scenes video. There is a scene there where ZZ shows something on his phone to BBH, he was using the phone case already. We just didn’t know. Filming for this drama was around late september so i’ll add it to the timeline.
• 11/29/2022 ZZ was spotted with the phone case during the WB TV & Movie night. At the time, we were just clowning that he was texting WYB 😂
• 11/30/22 WYB was photographed on his way to Wuzhen and he had his phone out for a moment. We caught what his phone case looks like and that it’s the same as ZZ’s.
• 12/6/22 GG was photographed at the airport and he had his phone in the open, which is unusual. like bobo, he doesn’t take it out especially at the airport, but it was like he was confirming something to those of us who pay attention.
• 1/22/23 WYB attends a roadshow for Wuming’s release and fans saw him seated very close to the screen and alone. You can see he had his phone on his lap and it looks like the phone card case. but again, it wasn’t clear. the cinema was dark. then he didn’t take it out again.
• After this, we see the phone case on ZZ’s side a couple or times especially in video out takes shared by XZS for his photoshoots + work related filming. At this point, it was already identified with him especially by his fans and those who follow him.
• 4/27 Gucci Cosmos, ZZ shares a photo where his phone case is visible and it doesn’t look like the same one. This seems like an outlier. I’m not sure if he used it to match his outfit ( which is gray ) Or if this is even his personal phone ( but i think it is ). We will have to wait and see for future glimpses of his phone to see if he changes back. I’m seeing this as more of an aesthetic switch to match the event.
• 5/11/23 WYB shares photos on IG and we finally get a clear picture of his phone case and that it is what we think it is.
• 5/12 All the talk started about Bobo deleting the photo and cpfs linking it to being about the couple phone case.
• 5/13 The topic of the same phone case went on HS and fans from all sides came out to give their explanation.
• 5/19/23 after all the “controversy” XZ studio still includes a clear photo of the phone case for their Euro Trip photos 📷 Showing that they don’t give af about all the issue surrounding it.
• 5/20 HZT ( the actor who plays LQR ) posts a douyin of the same style phone case and it’s — so suspicious 👁️👄👁️
AND WELL THE SAGA CONTINUES. I think this is not the last time we will see it or maybe it will morph into something more.
A few clowning points:
• You may see some discussion about wfs on wyb’s side knowing about this as early as june of last year but they never said anything. They probably saw us speculating about wyb’s phone case when they already know the truth. lol. I can’t say for sure that they are purposely hiding something, maybe they didn’t think it was important. but i can see the ones who keep an eye out on xz on their side probably just chose to keep quiet. turns out, cpfs are the last to know about candies. 😂😂😂😂
• @rainbowsky pointed out here how this type of case may not be typically used in CHN. All because the card slot is almost useless. The way they pay is by their phone. They don’t need a train ticket or whatever for transportation too cause they have private vehicles. It’s like they both or maybe one of them went to the apple store ( in person or online ) and they saw that — decided to get a couple case. I’m thinking this is ZZ. My CPN is this is connected to WYB’s sudden use of an apple watch. The watch is good to keep track of your health so maybe ZZ gave it to him and while he was there “shopping” decided to get a phone case too for them to match. just boyfriend things. ssssshhhhhh 🤫
• THIS IS NOT THEIR USUAL TYPE OF phone case. If you’ve been following them for some time or have seen their photos with their phones out, they usually go for the ones with a design on them. of course, the style is more on their preference. So this sleek and almost simple type of iphone case appears to be a compromise for both.
but like, the “simple” or low key design has been more ZZ’s style. that’s why cpn is he bought it for them.
examples below ⬇️⬇️⬇️
• In the past, they usually changed their phone case for a specific month or season. That’s why I think ZZ’s “change” last April was only for the event ( but i could be wrong ). But for the both of them, using the same one for one year ( guessing here but most likely this is how long ) is unusual. You could say they are too busy / the case is good so why change it / they don’t wanna use graphic cases anymore/ etc etc the list of reasoning can go on and on. but you can’t deny that it’s out of the ordinary.
I think it really helps laying things out like this so we can see what is happening behind the scenes. what are the outliers. what other possibilities are there. what fits or not. usually candies are simple and clear, but some are not and needs more time to take apart and make sense of. whether you believe this or not and take it as candy is all up to you. 🫶🏼
It’s another YIZHAN Mystery. 🕵️♀️
-END.
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heyy! can you make an apollo time line?? like until before talk your talk starts. i'm so confused
YES okay so i have a very detailed outline in my docs (aka for all the stuff i want to eventually cover in the memoir) but those contain a lot of spoilers so i'm going to give a brief outline of all the main events, just so that the timeline makes sense bc i totally get it - i, too, was very confused by my own timeline when first writing this fic. the amount of shifting and adjustments of it... yeah it was very confusing bc i kept putting off *making* a timeline for apollo and instead just throwing random bits and pieces of lore at him😭
SO here's the official talk your talk apollo timeline
1979
April 8: Apollo is born
1995
July (age 16): Apollo's debut album is released
(at this point in time, he has already been in the film industry for years as a child actor, as well as various other smaller gigs/singles. He, before this, has also signed a 5-album contract with his father's record label.)
1998
October - December (age 19): Naomi/Apollo relationship
(bonus fun fact: the billboard music awards were on december 7, 1998. This is about nine months before august 23, 1999. do with this information what you will.)
1999
August 23 (age 20): Will Solace is born
2000
June (age 21): at some point, a one night stand with Latricia Lake
September 15 - October 1: Sydney Summer Olympics, Darren and Apollo first meeting
(they continue to have an on and off relationship from 2000-2003, not really a committed relationship though)
2001
February 28: Austin Lake is born
2003
July (age 24): Darren and Apollo start dating officially
2004
January: Apollo's fifth album is released
early March: Apollo and Darren break up
mid March: Apollo's tour for the album starts
April 1: Kayla Knowles is born
late April (age 25): Apollo calls off his contract, doesn't extend his contract, and publicly breaks ties with his father's record label/management. The tour is cancelled, and Apollo disappears from the public eye - but not before "coming out" (this was largely seen as speculation/rumors, not an actual confirmation of his sexuality, and largely forgotten by fans)
August 13 - 29: Athens Summer Olympics, Darren and Apollo final meeting (until 2019)
2007
March (age 27): Naomi Solace dies of a stroke before a concert on her tour
May (age 28): Will moves in with Apollo
2010
November (age 31): Apollo meets Leo
December: Kayla moves in
2011
March: Apollo meets Nico
okay i THINK those are all the important dates/events - hope it all makes sense!! if there are any questions abt apollo's backstory, or just general questions about this timeline (or, if there's an inconsistency that i somehow missed- for some reason, the first time i wrote this timeline, i wrote that kayla was conceived at the 2004 olympics. which makes. zero sense. seeing as she was born in april of that year. so yeah.) but anyway!! i love talking abt apollo and i realize there is a LOT of lore/backstory around him that i haven't gotten around to explaining, and i love rambling. thank you so much for the ask!!
#wrongcaitlyn#talk ur talk fic#talk ur talk asks#it's absolutely heartbreaking when writing this and the original timeline seeing how YOUNG he was#like ik he's a god in canon. but. ugh it makes me so sad and i'm literally the one who wrote this#he deserved a childhood#but at least he gave his kids one :((#apollo dad of the year award im so attached to him
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2024, or: it’s not going to kill me, it’s just going to be a little uncomfortable
i got too comfortable in 2023 and now it’s time to shake shit up again.
i’ve spent so much time in the last 5 years absolutely fighting to stay afloat- emotionally, financially, socially- and last year was almost like a little break from all of that.
for the first time, i didn’t feel like i was fighting myself. it’s been a long journey to become a fully fledged person- when i was 23, i thought i had everything figured out. and maybe i did, but i had to re-figure everything out once nathan died. it’s been an uphill battle since then.
toward the end of 2022, i started to feel like my frontal lobe had finally developed, and i went into 2023 confident- in myself, in my life choices, in my friend group. it was nice to spend a year actually enjoying all of the work i’d been putting in.
the work never stops, of course. this year was still full of therapy, and medication, and trying to figure my shit out. the grief isn’t all-consuming anymore, it’s almost barely consuming, but it’s always there.
this year was the 5 year anniversary of nathan dying. it’s a strange milestone to think about. right before nathan died, we laid out our 5-year-plan, which eventually morphed into my next 5 years, on my own.
and here i am, going into the 6th year.
+++
for years now, i’ve held myself accountable to one rule- “i never turn down an invitation,” it’s because i know that if i give myself the opportunity to say no, i’ll never leave my house. so when someone extends an invitation to me, i will always say yes. i love being invited! but sometimes i’ll disregard my rule if the invitation is one i’ve extended to myself, for something that i want to do but no one wants to do with me.
i started inviting myself to things, alone. i don’t like to do things by myself, and in the past, i’ve straight up skipped events if i have no one to go with. i tried to stop doing that this year. if i committed to something, or if there was something i wanted to do, i’d just do it. i’ve gotta stop standing in my way at some point.
i went to concerts alone, i went to movies alone, i went to dinners alone. i love my own company- i’m a delight! i’ve also just been cursed with a terrifying amount of social anxiety, but i’ve tried to push myself to feel uncomfortable in public. it’s not going to kill me. i just have to keep reminding myself that it’s not going to kill me (even if i feel like i’m dying).
i also went to concerts with friends, movies with coworkers, dinners with people i don’t know very well.
i think i’m becoming someone that likes to go to the movies. an insane sentiment coming from someone who has historically never seen a film before. but here’s the thing: it’s a guaranteed two hours where no one can contact me. it’s like a little break, an off-the-grid reward. i used to take soulcycle classes for the same reason. it was 45 minutes where the only things that existed were me, my nausea and a bike.
top 3 concerts of the year: the killers, death cab for cutie/the postal service, and caroline polachek.
the killers have always been a bucket list band for me, i’ve wanted to see them for so long, but i never had the chance when they were actually good and then they kept putting out terrible albums and doing huge stadium tours and i couldn’t be bothered. a few months ago, they announced a surprise show at a venue with a 2k cap. i fought for my life in the ticketmaster queue to get tickets, to no avail.
in a stunning turn of events, a friend of a friend had an extra that i was able to get my hands on a couple of hours before doors. and there i was, tearing up a bit in a room full of white people absolutely jazzed to hear mr. brightside.
death cab was the same for me, also a bucket list band. i’d actually already seen them at the top of the year, but the transatlanticism/give up anniversary tour was calling my name. i think that’s one of the only bills that will get me to haul ass out to COTA.
i forgot that jenny lewis is in the postal service and i lost my fucking mind when i remembered that she’s real and on stage right in front of me.
i wasn’t planning on crying at the transatlanticism function, i’d already wept to ben gibbard singing “i need you so much closer,” back in february- but then i was accidentally sucker punched by passenger seat.
i don’t know what it was, but there i was standing and sobbing and being like “why am i thinking about nathan and crying in the club right now?”
when i was driving home from the show, i was listening to a spotify playlist he’d made for me in the beginning of our relationship, of songs that made him think of me. it had the song that was playing in the background the first time we kissed when we were in high school. it had classic bangers like snow patrol’s chasing cars. it had a bunch of songs that for some reason, made him think of me- some of them, i could connect the dots and knew exactly why he’d chosen them, and some, like…i got the sentiment, but they seemed a little more vague to me- i didn’t know what exactly was making him think of me.
and on shuffle, passenger seat came up. it was on the playlist. the feeling was mutual.
i roll the window down and then begin to breathe in the darkest country road and the strong scent of evergreen from the passenger seat as you are driving me home. then looking upwards, i strain my eyes and try to tell the difference between shooting stars and satellites from the passenger seat as you are driving me home. do they collide? i ask, and you smile. with my feet on the dash, the world doesn’t matter. when you feel embarrassed, then i’ll be your pride. when you need directions, then i’ll be the guide. for all time. for all time.
+++
the best thing i did this year was support my friends. i love an invitation, but i especially love an invitation to something someone i care about has been working hard on. i ended up at DJ sets, and open mics, and concerts, and full on musicals, and stand up and every time i come home and i’m like “wow it is so special to watch my friends do the things they love and share in their passion projects”
and every time i’m like “ugh i should probably do something”
i want to get better about being creative- i spend so much time working and having anxiety that i forget that at my core i think i’m on this earth to be a court jester. i keep joking about doing stand up but really i should be standing up and making jokes onstage. i keep throwing around the idea of actually publishing something long-form, but instead of writing anything long-form i just throw up a tweet and call it a day. i have a lot of ideas rattling around in this mostly empty skull- in 2024 i want to make something tangible, and force all of my friends to revel in it for a day.
included under the creativity umbrella- i want to get better about posting on tiktok. it’s always just been something i have in my back pocket, but the truth is- i’m a storyteller! it’s a platform where i can share some stories! if i just churn out constant content, something will stick.
last year, my tiktoks landed me in two places i wasn’t anticipating on landing.
the first being: in a business insider article.
i made a video in 2020 about ‘acting your wage’ where y’know like if i’m getting paid minimum wage, you’re getting minimum effort outta me- anyway, according to business insider, 27-year-old tiktoker Stephanie Anne coined the term.
the second being: published in a paper about grief in The Routledge International Handbook of Child and Adolescent Grief in Contemporary Contexts
there is a person out there that straight up analyzed my content as part of their thesis, and it got published in the aforementioned book- absolutely wild. my shitposts are academic.
sometimes i feel like i’m yelling about my grief into the void, but sometimes things like this happen which forces me to remember that there are people out there that are a) watching, and b) appreciating my grief content.
being a grief influencer is a strange place to be in, i hate the internet’s tendency to gravitate toward people in mourning, their weird desire to witness trauma in progress. i’ve always tried to keep a sense of levity to my content, because that’s who i am as a person, but also because i’ve never felt comfortable performing the depths of my grief to the public. i barely want to perform it in front of the people i’m closest to.
in my personal life, i’m still trying to be more vulnerable. i’m still trying to be better at asking for, and accepting help. i’ve been working toward being less cold. i’m an upsettingly sentimental person, but outwardly expressing that is still nerve-wracking. i’ve gotten better at telling my friends i love them.
i’ve gotten so much closer to the people that i’ve had around me for so long, i’ve brought in new people that i feel just as close to. it’s been a big year for friendship.
+++
i rang in the new year in the middle of a slump- the last week or so, i’ve been so depressed. it’s wearing off now, but i still can’t shake all of the nights i spent laying in bed until 5am panicking about what my next moves are going to be.
i found myself sobbing and repeating over and over “i don’t like change,” but i know that i need some change.
i’ve given myself the comfort that i’ve wanted for so long, and now that i’m not in constant fight or flight, i need to shake shit up again. i get antsy.
i want to move out of hag house. she’s been a safe place for me to get back up on my feet again- there are so many things i love about her- and so many things that are absolutely wretched. when i moved in 3 years ago, i was going from homeless, to having a place to live. i didn’t have many options then, and now there are more options at my disposal. i’m at a place where i have the ability to comfortably move, to upgrade my living situation. i’m stuck between deciding if i want to stay in austin, and just move into a new apartment- a new neighborhood, probably closer to work, definitely closer to all of my friends that have now left the south side of town. an apartment with hot water and air conditioning but also no backyard and neighbors on all sides and millennial grey interiors.
or do i want to disappear to a different coast? try my luck in a different city?
i’ve always operated within newton’s laws of motion- a stephanie in motion stays in motion. unless some sort of immovable force lands in my way, forcing me to pivot, i’ll stay on the same track. a lot of that is tied to my OCD, which i’ve been working on holding less tightly- in my head, nothing bad can happen if i just keep doing things the same way i’ve been doing them (until something bad does happen and then i have to re-adjust). but like, i can also just upgrade things in my life because i deserve nicer things. i can change things because i don’t necessarily like how they are. i can try new things and not be afraid that my world is literally going to end.
it’s not going to kill me. it’s just going to be a little uncomfortable.
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MORE ASKS YOU SAY???? i can do that >:)
2, do you read/reread your own fics?
5, what's a fic idea you've had but will never write?
8, what project(s) are you currently working on?
11, do you have specific playlists for writing fics?
14, if you could see one of your fics adapted into a visual medium, such as comic or film, which fan fic would you pick?
16, at what point in the process do you come up with titles?
23, how do you choose where to end a chapter?
27, is there a fic you were nervous to post/share? why?
30, what's your favorite word?
THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!! QWQ I LOVE YOU SO MUCH BRICK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
2, do you read/reread your own fics?
Sometimes. Mostly Jornos to get back into it again but its rare. And when I do, I realise that they're waaaaaaay better than I thought lol. Treat spiders the way you want to be treated was actually a surprise to me. I didn't think it was very good but was pleasantly surprised.
5, what's a fic idea you've had but will never write?
Okay. So this is kind of a fic idea for a fic that's not mine.
It's actually this idea for awesome-slime-lover we're family au where Tommy is a borrower adopted by royal sbi that don't really want him. And they have actually written a part 2 but I had this idea where it could time skip and basically sbi have come to accept tinies finally, unknowingly though because they take all their hate out on Tommy. And Tommy just tries to push through and be the perfect child, despite knowing he'll never be accepted. And basically something happens were sbi are called away and Tommy manages to be put in charge of the harvest, which has been terrible for years and actually improves it, yeilding the best crops in decades. Of course when sbi return they don't know it was tommy and wanna know who did such an amazing job, and when Tommy tries to tell them, they basically laugh in his face and ya know, put him down etc etc. And it continues on with guilty sbi, tommy getting kidnapped by the enemy as a revenge act or something and sbi saving him. I have literally imagined full blown scenes in my head but will never write it purely because its not my fic
8, what project(s) are you currently working on?
Mood board for the fic I'm working on here <3 I'll let it do the talikng ^v^
11, do you have specific playlists for writing fics?
Yes and no. I have a general playlist for writing which is my playlist for like everything, but when I'm writing something with a certain mood, I look up random playlists for that mood. (your serenity playlist has been played whilst writing jornos a many a times lol)
14, if you could see one of your fics adapted into a visual medium, such as comic or film, which fan fic would you pick?
OooO thats a hard one. Hmmmmmmm Either My monster to slay or that fic I haven't posted yet (the very first one I started writing). I think either of those would be really cool to see as a movie!
16, at what point in the process do you come up with titles?
already answered this one <3
23, how do you choose where to end a chapter?
Mmmmm I kinda just look at how long the chapter is, where a scene is and where the next scene starts and usually have a scene change a signal to the end of a chapter with a heavy hitting line. I love it when the last line hits hard. Sticks in the mind better :3
27, is there a fic you were nervous to post/share? why?
Probably that first fic. It's the first fic I tried writing after 5 years of no writing so I feel I've improved a lot since getting back into it, and I really really love it! Yet I don't wanna change it if I have to ya know? It's kind of my baby now lol.
30, what's your favorite word?
Meraki. It's a word I actually thought I'd made up as a kid but as google told me it actually means this:
It has since become my favourite word <3
THANK YOU THANK YOU BRICKKKKKKKKKK! Really means a lot!!! <3
Ask game here :3
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I posted 380 times in 2022
205 posts created (54%)
175 posts reblogged (46%)
Blogs I reblogged the most:
@makesuretoloveyourself
@dreamwvrld
@fangirlingcentral
@sardonic-the-writer
@ohworm-writes
I tagged 238 of my posts in 2022
Only 37% of my posts had no tags
#worm.txt - 145 posts
#worm.answ - 103 posts
#worm.rbs - 31 posts
#anon.com/🐍 - 23 posts
#1000 follower event - 14 posts
#wilcza.com/my-dear - 13 posts
#one year event - 13 posts
#1 year event - 13 posts
#navigation - 12 posts
#navi - 12 posts
Longest Tag: 139 characters
#if you have a different idea for the personalized little tag i do then you can dm it to me so i can have that unique tag all set for you :)
My Top Posts in 2022:
#5
Just saw the movie about- what, 30 minutes ago? Oh. My. Gods. Above. This is the only thing I will be talking about for the next 3 weeks.
I’m already in the middle of planning a fic (read: I’m insane). HOWEVER, this being said, the fic will be posted within the next few days.
Someone has to help feed this fandom as it grows. ;-) See you soon, and remember! Don’t talk to strangers…
178 notes - Posted June 25, 2022
#4
See the full post
295 notes - Posted April 25, 2022
#3
▬ LOVERS ROCK PT. 1 ▬
Pairing: Jschlatt x Gn!Reader
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Minimal cursing
Synopsis: Fall is in full swing in you and your boyfriend’s shared home. So, that means some baking is in order, yes?
Word Count: 1.3k
Author’s Note: Miss me? Here’s a little something to give you a taste. I’m back.
See the full post
419 notes - Posted November 1, 2022
#2
This whole situation is almost ironic to me. See, a few days ago I was sitting in my room and the thought of Techno came to mind. It was random, I’ll be honest, as I haven’t thought about him since April. But anyways, I wondered, you know, “How long has it been since he uploaded?” “I wonder where he is/ what’s he doing now”.
But, most importantly: “I hope he’s okay.”
I was at a party yesterday when I got the news. We were watching some movie and I wasn’t at all paying attention to it, so I went to TikTok to pass the time. And then I saw it. Someone uploaded a video saying something along the lines of “I hope this isn’t real”.
So, I checked what happened, and there it was.
My friend came over to talk and checked his phone and then he saw it and we were just speechless. I couldn’t process it until the car ride back, where I started tearing up and then fully sobbing when I got home.
I started rewatching videos as I cried myself to sleep, and then I woke up this morning and it started all over again. And while it hasn’t stopped, I have to continue to remind myself to be strong because this goofball was my inspiration! So much of myself is taken from him and I constantly have to remind myself that “It’ll be fineeee.”
I’m not okay, but really nobody else within this fandom is right now, I know that. But we have to be strong, as much time as it’ll take.
Cancer dies with the person it takes, so even here he didn’t lose: a draw, if you will. We’ll learn to be okay, however long it’ll take. And it’ll take a lot of time, believe me, but we’ll be okay.
Everything is within his calculations.
683 notes - Posted July 1, 2022
My #1 post of 2022
I need more people to write for The Black Phone like- I’m at the point where if nobody will do it in the next 5 seconds, I will.
There are 2 fics over the course of any website I can find for it, and I swear to the gods above I KNOW the movies doesn’t come out for another few weeks but PLEASE!
Like- we can all agree that he’s hot, right? It’s not just a small group of people, right?
You guys get it, right?
Edit: Let’s acknowledge this character was based off of John Wayne Gacy and it has been stated in interviews that this character would be a pedophile. I can’t tell you who you can’t and can simp or obsess over, but I’d like anyone reading this to take in these facts. This post was made before the film debuted and before I knew who this character was based off of, and in no way do I support or condone it. I’ve since left this fandom of sorts, and while I do find Ethan Hawke attractive, I can no longer say the same for this character.
843 notes - Posted June 13, 2022
Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →
#tumblr2022#year in review#my 2022 tumblr year in review#your tumblr year in review#Not the Black Phone stuff 💀#GUYS I DONT SUPPORT THE CHARACTER OR LIKE HIM ETHAN HAWKE IS JUST FINE ASF
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I think I need to make a post about the space references in the trailer of 23.5 because I need to distract myself from watching msp again and bad buddy for my milklove crumbs thank you
#my school president#23 point 5#can they start filming 23 point 5 already#like im dying here#bad buddy#milklove#gemini fourth
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I wasn’t sure I was going to be covering Sundance 2023 – 1) because I forgot to ask for press credentials until late. 2) My mother has taken ill and I’ve been tag teaming with my sister on being her caretaker, which is kinda consuming my life right now, and yet, I’m glad to have this time with her. That being said, all in all, I still fit in quite a good number of films, although, I wish I’d made time for a few more shorts.
(Post Update: 2/5/23 My Mom passed on to the next realm peacefully yesterday afternoon, February 4th at 85 years old ).
This year Sundance fully returned to in-person, those of us attending virtually still had great access to the films, but not the Q&A’s. And I really missed the New Frontier VR interactions. Last year’s Spaceship Platform was so innovative, interactive and really fun! I read where Sundance New Frontier is being revamped and will return next year in some format, but I feel it won’t be as the Spaceship, which was built mostly to allow for attendees to interact in a simulated way to being in Park City.
I understand with pirating concerns, the festival must protect the filmmakers films and keep some control over how long and how many people can view each film. But it would be such a dream to simply have full access to every film for the full run of the festival. It was better this year that at least you didn’t have to watch the Premieres at a designated time, but still, it’s too restrictive. We have to choose our films ahead of the festival and lock them in. When the festival starts you’re given a window of 3 days to watch those films. I didn’t want everything to be within the same windows, so I tried to set some to watch later in the festival, but that didn’t work, I was never able to unlock those. I always have such trouble with these types of platforms working for me anyway. The other problem being, once the fest starts, certain films start getting heavy social media buzz, at that point you want to switch to those films, for instance, Jonathan Majors in MAGAZINE DREAM. Don’t ask me why it wasn’t already on my list, but it wasn’t and at that point I was just SOL.
Of the films I did choose, I noted a lot with themes of how hard it is to be a parent. I also feel I saw more sex scenes than in recent years. I also gravitated to so many more docs this year than I normally would. I find the bigger payoff with covering film festivals is to keep a steady stream of posts to social media. So I would post my immediate thoughts to IG Stories after a screening, then I’d screenshot that post to Twitter and add an additional impression, thus giving a good highlight of the films; hopefully to whet your appetites to see these features when they arrive in theaters and streaming.
Film Scribes shares its epic #Sundance2023 wrap-up show, featuring the top picks from the festival from @danthefan @garymkramer @StephenSilver @FilmBuffRich and @tinseltine Moderated by @heimlich, produced by @danthefantastic
https://tinseltine.com/sundance-2023-film-festival-coverage/
#sundance#sundance 2023#SundanceFilmFestival#Philadelphia Film Critics Circle#Film Scribes Podcast#Film Festivals#Film Festival#Film Festival Coverage#CatPerson#Infinity Pool#Magazine Dreams#Judy Blume Forever#Rye Lane#birth/rebirth#Willie Nelson and Family#park city utah
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All you want to answer for fenrir and merope aand neja and yecal?
ive answered some for fenrir and merope before so i just wont do those questions for them then
1. Who wakes up first?
Probably Neja usually, she has work to go to
2. Who wants to stay in bed just a little longer?
Both thoughhh
3. Who takes longer getting ready?
Neither takes super long, Neja just brushes her hair and maybe ties it up
4. When they can’t sleep, what do they do?
Watch videos on phone or then they bone
5. Who falls asleep while watching a movie?
Neja can't focus for that long, she's the kind to ask so many questions about the film
6. Who falls asleep last, watching the other with a small affectionate smile?
Could be both
7. Who comes up with the cheesy pick-up lines?
They're both cheesy for each other
8. Who gets extremely competitive playing Mario Kart?
At least Neja, she plays so dirty
9. Who accidentally pushes a door instead of pulling?
Neja doesn't look at signs
10. Who sets the other’s ringtone to something loud and obnoxious behind their back?
Neither, I don't think they have access to the other's phone
-
11. Who rearranges the bookshelf/DVD shelf in alphabetical order?
When Neja gets bored she will start arranging things
Fenrir doesn't read, Merope doesn't bother
12. Who does the hands-over-the-eyes “Guess Who” thing?
Neja would but she can't sneak up on Yecal also she's very short, Yecal can do it easily
Merope sometimes when she finds Fenrir has been agonizing over some documents for too long and needs a distraction
13. Who points out a dog when they see one?
Both
Fenrir
14. Who’s prone to road rage?
I don't think either much but Neja will yell at a driver if they come too close at her, the pedestrian light is green for another .2 seconds you asshole
If they drove, Fenrir
16. Who reminds the other to put on sunscreen before going to the beach (or pool)?
Yecal will have to remind Neja to use it, she burns extremely easily
Merope slathers herself, her husband and her children
17. Who carries all the important documents while traveling?
Yecal
Servants
18. Who gets the window seat?
Neja, Yecal can easily see over her also
Merope to ease her travel sickness
19. Who puts their cold hands/feet on the other?
Both
Neither
20. What do they argue about the most?
Yecal breaking things and Neja making a mess when fixing things/taking things apart and putting them back together
If they ever argue it's Merope making Fenrir do necessary things like diplomatic dinners when he really doesn't want to
21. Who’s clumsier?
Neja
Merope
22. Who texts more often?
Neja
23. Who is better with kids?
Neither is the best, probably kinda equal
Merope
24. Who’s the better cook?
Also pretty equal, probably Yecal by a bit
Fenrir
25. Who mistakes salt for sugar?
Neja, can't expect her to read things
Fenrir, can't expect him to read things
26. Who puts the fork in the microwave?
Almost Neja
Neither
27. Who cooks at 2 in the morning?
Yecal coming home from work and Neja's already out cold
Fenrir getting hit by midnight anxiety
28. Who lets the microwave play the loud beeping sound at 1 a.m.?
Neja when she forgets about it
Neither
29. Who licks the spoon when they’re baking brownies?
Long tongue Neja
The kids can battle over it
30. Who likes doing the dishes?
Neither really
Neither, the servants handle those
-
31. Who has bigger cravings? What are they?
Neja craves sweets for her ADD brain
32. Who remembers what the other one always orders at a restaurant?
Yecal knows Neja through and through, his palate is still more a mystery to her
33. How do they eat ice cream? What’s their favorite flavors?
Both can have some mystery space fruit flavors in the summer heat
34. Do they go on dates? What are they like?
They like to keep the spark up by going out for drinks and food, sometimes hot springs
36. Which one is the secret snuggler?
Neja doesn't hide it so Yecal is more cuddly than outsiders think
-
37. Which one offers their jacket to the other when they complain they feel cold?
Neja is small she gets cold give her your jacket
Merope gets their bodyguard's cloak if she ever gets cold, Fenrir would give her his own though
38. Who reaches for the other one’s hand while driving?
Both, Yecal puts his hand on Neja's thigh and she puts her hand on his
Fenrir holds Merope's hand a LOT
39. Who leaves little notes in the other one’s lunch? (Bonus: What does it say?)
Yecal leaves some because Neja has a pretty regular job and packs lunches
40. Who is the most affectionate?
Neja in public, both in private
Merope initiates more often
41. Who is the big spoon/little spoon?
They swap on occasion
Merope is the little spoon
42. What is their favorite feature of their partner?
Neja enjoys Yecal's shoulders and chest and arms and booty and feathers and little toofies
Merope likes Fenrir's height, muscles and tattoos a lot, also loves his long wings they're so pretty and silky to the touch. Fenrir likes Merope's hair, mouth, booba and extra weight
43. What is the first thing that changes when they realize they have feelings for the other?
Neja gets even more open and close with Yecal, leaves her number, leaves a random earring, it's pretty clear she's interested
Their letters got longer and more casually written, the signoffs got longer and wishing the other more well, letters is pretty much how they communicated before they met for the second time irl and got engaged
44. What are their nicknames for each other?
Neja uses babe and honey and sweetie and darling and all kinds of cutesy names for Yecal
Alongside (my) love and darling and dearest and sweetheart and beloved Fenrir is often called Fen
45. Who worries the most? Over what?
The tables have turned to Neja being more worried over Yecal's wellbeing in his job, unlike when he worried over her
Merope worries for Fenrir's mental health, he worries for her physical health
46. Who initiates kisses?
Both, if Yecal's not within reach Neja needs to ask
Both but Merope knows not to ask in public
47. Who says I love you first? How did it happen?
They had been together for a longer while, probably on a date, sitting on some hill or something overlooking the city and being sweet
Took a long time because their wedding vows kinda included to treat the other with love etc. so they didn't really think about saying it, until a bit after the wedding when Merope did when Fenrir was going out hunting and he got so turned around he just went thank you and only said it back when he returned. Merope had asked Hassaleh for advice on living with her husband and she had advised to actually say how you feel
48. Who tells their friends/family about their relationship first?
Yecal introduced Neja to his family, she forgor
Fenrir told Hassaleh and Helle of his intentions to engage Merope, she had no idea they were even courting at that point so she kinda found out when he proposed and after he left she told her family
49. What do they do when they’re away from each other?
Yecal maintains his gear, Neja fixes stuff
Merope does crafts, Fenrir fixes his gear and spars with his bodyguard, both also look after Nepheli and hang out with their children
50. Who gets overwhelmed by small acts of kindness?
Neither really but I think Neja's cuteness gets to Yecal sometimes (not that she doesn't appreciate his little gestures just as much)
At first Fenrir really didn't know how to receive affection and Merope was concerned
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Possession (1981)
Possession (1981) (France & West Germany)
Written By: Andrzej Żuławski & Frederic Tuten
Directed By: Andrzej Żuławski
Stars: Isabelle Adjani & Sam Neill
IMDB Rating: 7.3/10 Stars
Rotten Tomatoes Audience Score: 78%
Plot Synopsis: The relationship between an international corporate spy (Sam Neill) and his wife (Isabelle Adjani), who begins exhibiting increasingly disturbing behavior after asking for a divorce. Obsession, Possession and Suspicions of infidelity soon give way to something much more sinister and disturbing.
My Review: This 2-hour and 4-minute movie may very well be one of the more disturbing psychological horror movies I have ever seen. How I never saw this growing up or during my fascination with disturbing conceptual films in film school I may never know. On 9/23/2022 I sat down to watch POSSESSION eyes wide open with no expectations.
This movie has been listed in many lists for best horror and/or best psychological thriller ever made. I have seen this film mentioned so many times in the past 2 years watching movie reviews and conversations about thrillers/horror on the INTERNET that I couldn’t ignore it any longer. What, in the past, chased me away from this was the age and length. At 2-hours and 4-minutes, that is a slow burn and some older movies can be hard to watch at times, but I finally got to it and boy does it NOT disappoint…
Before I go on with my review, analysis and thoughts about the film there are going to be heavy SPOILERS ahead and my WARNING that kids and younger teenagers probably should not see this movie till they are older. It is that disturbing that even my 13-year-old version of myself would have been left terrified. This is right up there with Altered States (1980), The Entity (1982) and The Thing (1982) as far as conceptual horror goes. Conceptual horror would be those things you think you see in the darker corners of your room at night that you cannot really make out but you know it is there and you know that it wants you to be afraid of it… And it is that feeling that just terrifies you to a point you cannot sleep…
That Kind of HORROR…
My initial and first viewing of the movie I had no expectations going into it. I knew the basic plot that you can find on Google, IMDB.com, Rotten Tomatoes and other movie review websites. The basic plot is above and most of these sites word it basically the same way, which I did pull from. After the credits rolled I was left somewhat confused. I immediately went on YouTube and look for videos that explain what it was I actually just saw. Most of the videos all said the same stuff that you can look up on Wiki. None of the video reviews really got into what I was thinking was happening, but that is the beauty of conceptual horror is that there are no wrong answers here.
I think the best way to watch Possession is to watch it blind without knowing what others think is actually happening. At this point if you have not seen the film and you want to see the film before you dive into this, then stop here and go watch it and come back.
SPOILERS AHEAD…
This movie is very complicated to just summarize. The only way to understand it is to watch it for yourself. Due to the availability of this movie over the 5 decades it has been around most who have not seen it have no clue what this movie is and at best have only vaguely heard about it. And/or that you’ve watched it and are wondering what in the hell you just saw. There are a few moments in the film that just make you question what the hell is actually going on here.
The movie starts like we have already been sitting there watching for 15 minutes. Sam Neill’s character (Mark) returns to his home in West Berlin from a work related trip. It wasn’t very clear exactly what he does, but it has something to do with corporate espionage and it is not clear if his job is related to the plot or not, but there are some clues something is at play. Once he gets home his wife Anna, played by Isabelle Adjani, asks him for a divorce.
Some of the time transitions are not very well established. We do not know if days/weeks go by but it feels like days. Mark agrees to leave to give Anna time while leaving their son Bob in her care. Mark becomes obsessed with trying to find out why Anna wants a divorce as Anna stresses there is not another man, but cannot explain why she wants the divorce. Mark learns from Anna’s only friend, Margie, that Anna was seeing another man while Mark was gone playing corporate spy.
Eventually, Mark composes himself and goes back to his apartment where he finds the place a mess and their son, Bob uncared for, neglected and left to his own vices. Mark furious with his wife for abandoning their son takes over the home, cares for his son and no longer allows his wife to be alone with their son, all while there are long stretches of time where Anna disappears to places unknown.
This is now the first “what the hell” moment and things start to get super weird from here on out. How one perceives Possession is totally up to them, but I find it a bit easier and less metaphoric if you assume what Mark sees is what is actually happening. This does not suggest that the things we see are not real, by any means; just that it is easier to connect the dots if you follow the plot through Mark’s perception of it.
At this point in the story Mark is taking care of his son while he meets Bob’s school teacher, Hellen, who looks identical to his wife, but with Green eyes (played by Isabelle Adjani as well). This is sort of important once you see how the movie unfolds. They spark up a sort of relationship. He desires her and she desires him, but she has no expectations from him other than him giving her a chance. It is never stated. More like shown through their interactions. Anna has blue eyes, while Hellen has green eyes. Anna seems to be always wearing a blue dress while Hellen wears all bright or light colors other than blue. Anna acts out with erratic behaviors, while Hellen seems very balanced, a natural nurturer.
Mark has met Anna’s other lover, Heinrich, and they get into a short lived fight where Heinrich destroys Mark. Heinrich understands Mark’s rage and only beats him up out of self-defense and has a sense of respect for Mark. Heinrich seems just as confused as Mark does as Heinrich has not spoken to Anna in weeks and makes Mark wonder where Anna has been disappearing to.
From Anna’s point of view we do not really know what is going on with her, but she is acting very odd and erratic when she randomly comes home. After the fight with Heinrich Mark returns home to find Anna during one of these occasions she comes to the apartment to make Bob a sandwich. Her and Mark begin to fight and he gives her the Sean Connery treatment of a few slaps to the face. Anna storms out, bleeding from the mouth. Mark goes to hire a private investigator to follow Anna and get to the bottom of it all.
This is where we have no real setups to prepare us for what comes next. We later find out that Anna is sheltering a Lovecraftian creature in an abandon building that we have absolutely no backstory about, full of tentacles. The creature starts as a shapeless mass, but as Anna kills the following investigator and his lover, another investigator and it is assumed she is feeding the creature their body parts. The creature begins to take a more human shape. At this point the movie goes right off the rails of what is considered cohesive and warranted expectations from what we have seen up to this point to when the creature is seen for the first time.
When I saw this I had absolutely no clue what was happening anymore. There were no setups at all that gave me a suggestion Anna is hoarding a Lovecraftian creature that she allows to mate with her. The creature seems to have some sort of telekinesis powers when it senses potential danger and seems to have corrupted Anna to a point that she tried to hold off the creature mentally but fails. This effect on Anna is what seems to be causing all her behavioral issues.
She eventually goes back to Mark and describes a sequence that happened while he was gone on his work trip where she describes a violent miscarriage she had in the subway. They show the scene in full and it is quite disturbing and a brilliant piece of acting by Isabelle Adjani. She won the César Award for best actress for her performance in this film. We are unsure if it is Mark’s baby or one of her other lovers, as during her fights with Mark she says she has been with multiple people other than Heinrich.
I am not sold on some other analyses’ that the creature is not actually a real tangible thing in reality. We are given cues throughout the film that the monster is real. What/How/Why, that seems to be the part that is hard to dissect in this film. Because of its metaphoric nature and not being a true creature feature, along with being the only English-spoken film in the director's works up to this time we are left with a lot of WTF questions inside the narrative.
I feel like all the metaphors of division and relationship turmoil are at play here along with a different style of telling the story of "Invasion of the Body Snatchers" meets a "Lovecraftian-type story" with the monster, its mind control powers, its origins, why sex is so powerful for it and its victims and transformations.
At the end, some sort of attack, battle, or invasion is happening in the real sense of the word, but because we only see the story through Mark and Anna we are unsure as to how much of this is at play and/or if there are other elements at play it being West Berlin and all with the wall being in full view in some scenes of the film.
This movie is full of metaphors, so many that most of the commentaries about the movie solely focus on them and not on the possible Alien invasion part of the story that could be at play here as well. Mark notices he is being watched several times by his former employers. Heinrich's role is also interesting and the voice on the phone that talks to Mark about Anna being with him and not Mark where Mark assumes it is Heinrich, but it isn't.
There are a lot of metaphors here for division among people and relationships, as it is openly known the writer/director of the film wrote this during his own turbulent divorce. Hellen, the doppelganger teacher, that Mark is having a sexual relationship with may or may not be a copy manifested from Mark’s desires to have his wife, be a normal wife. Hellen throughout her role in the story is there for Bob whenever Mark needs someone for Bob and is there for him, whenever he needs that feeling of normalcy in his love life.
The whole doppelganger theme is heavily at play here as well. The Blue and the Green of Anna’s and Hellen’s eyes, but it is never explained and could be, probably is, just another metaphor for change in a relationship. Anna is never worried about losing Mark, but she is worried that Mark “won’t like her, as a person anymore.” Anna attempts to be a normal wife and mother at random times, but due to her contamination of the creature’s influence on her she reacts only in disturbing and erratic behaviors. There are signs she knows this is happening and tries to keep her family from being exposed to the creature. Anna kills her only friend, Margie. Mark attempts to cover it up. Mark then kills Heinrich and makes it look like a drug fueled accident.
Heinrich’s mother seems to know her son has been killed and wants Mark to explain it to her. They have a short chat while she consumes poison and slowly passes away. She knows Mark is there to kill her, but doesn’t give him that satisfaction nor is it really explained. Mark at this point is doubling down with his wife. He will do anything to keep her. He returns to Margie's house and hears moaning and screaming noises where he stumbles upon the creature for himself having sex with his wife. It is unclear whether or not the creature is raping her or it is a mutual joining. The creature at this point appears part dog and part man. Lower parts look more like a dog and the upper body looks more human-like. There are tentacles wrapped around Anna’s legs and arms pinning them down. We get both screams of pain and pleasure coming from Anna while she repeats over and over again “almost…”
The next day Mark is wondering the streets on Heinrich’s motorcycle. When Mark’s former employers along with the police start to track down Anna’s doings Mark creates a distraction and kills one of the cops so Anna can escape. He himself is injured and attempts to flee when after a few miles he wrecks the bike and stumbles into a building with a spiral staircase. As he is climbing up the staircase Anna and a man follow him up.
Mark, beaten, bloodied and probably dying from his injuries sees Anna and a doppelganger of himself. Mark raises his gun to shoot it but he and Anna are gunned down by a hail of bullets from the police below. The doppelganger of Mark is not touched by the bullets and escapes through the roof, but not before using his mind control powers to seduce another woman and gives her the gun and she begins to shoot to create a distraction for his escape.
Creature Mark goes to Hellen’s place while she is babysitting Bob when the doorbell rings. Bob implores over and over again to her not to open the door, but Helen ignores him. From outside, the sound of sirens, planes, and explosions fill the air. Bob races up the stairs to the bathroom, where he drowns himself in the bathtub. A silhouette of Creature Mark is seen from the frosted glass door. Helen stares, her eyes wide and the movie fades to black. None of the other analyzations take any of this stuff in account and chalk it all up to more relationship metaphors of division.
Me… This is “Invasion of the Body Snatchers” just told from a point of view of a dysfunctional relationship. I feel like there are other cues besides the metaphors for division and dysfunctional relationships here with how Anna’s friend Margie says she hates Mark, but tries to make passes at him whenever she can. Hellen being a possible doppelganger/alien/creature of Anna manifested by Mark yearning for a normal and loving wife and mother. The 2 gay detectives that see the creature and are killed and fed to the creature. The miscarriage in the subway. Anna’s deteriorating erratic behaviors towards her family. The origins of the creature Anna “possesses.” How sex is portrayed in the context of the story.
The title itself, “Possession…” I always thought from the basic plot summary that possession meant demonic possession, but after seeing this and seeing how Mark’s initial reaction to Anna’s behavior I thought the title was a play on words for “Obsession.” However, throughout the film Anna keeps talking about things in the context of possession as in, it possesses her or she possesses it, the creature. If I watch the film through my eyes and not Mark’s or Anna’s POV, then I feel like this is some sort of play on a Lovecraftian creature, doomsday movie or an Alien invasion story. Along with all the metaphors for division with the movie taking place in West Berlin and dystopian type tones with how everyone lives. All the stuff with dysfunctional relationships as well. All this could and probably is at play.
A Twilight Zone/Black Mirror-type reimagining of this story could be very interesting in the 2020s if done right. I cannot believe I am only now just seeing this movie for the first time. I was left very unsettled and it has been a quick minute since I got that from a horror flick. Horror movies are designed to scare you, but to make you think the whole time, all while freaking you out is like something David Cronenberg and David Lynch did to me in the 80s and 90s.
If you want to see something so bizarre and freaks you out along with brilliant character acting I highly recommend to check out Andrzej Żuławski’s “POSSESSION” (1981)… Finding this on legitimate stream sites may be problematic. I could not find it on the main ones. The only place I could find this where it is 100% legal was purchasing the DVD from Amazon at $30 and up. I had to download the film using “other” services in order to see it without restrictions. So if you wanna see this film and you cannot find a way to see it. Just send me a message and we’ll figure it out. My copy is about 1.92 gigabytes in size.
Possession is more an unsettling experience than being scared out of your socks before bed. Its scares come more from the unnatural flow of the narrative and unpredictability. The projection of what others think you should be over actually being who you are. We do not envision people for who they are always.
More times than not we tend to envision people as movie trailers. We will behave different to different people. We’ll behave different in the particular environment we are in. People will act different in concern to us, for us. You may know someone for years but do you actually know them? You may date them, marry them, have children with them and still never really know them. Not all believe in possessing a person, but most, at some point in their life will treat another or many like they are a “possession…”
Possession (1981)
by David-Angelo Mineo
9/24/2022
3,132 Words
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Work from before re submission
-This project did not have a good start, as I was focusing on the unit 6 extended submission deadline whilst the encyclopedia task was on
-This project is short, so losing even a week puts you far behind
-I also had no idea what to do as my topic, educating others and showing something in a new way, that others haven't done before, is hard to decide on
-I also despise film in fine art/artistic sense
20/02
-Time flew and before I knew it, it was the 20th Feb and I hadn't started the project yet
-Although my film review session wasn't until the 23rd, I snuck into the one on the 20th too just to get an idea on what we're supposed to do, by seeing what others have done
-I went to the library to do the method of looking at random books and seeing if anything would inspire me, it didn't
21/02
-Went to 'cute' exhibition
-Went to CSM library afterwards in hope to find more inspiration
-Started thinking of doing lolita fashion, as it's something I already know a lot about
-Looked at books on Japanese fashion
22/02
-Put more thought into lolita as a topic (look at mindmap on the right)
-What can I say that's new about the topic?
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23/02
-Supposed to show my film in film review group
-Did not have film
-Did the same as the 20th where I watched as reference on what to do
-Managed to talk to tutors about my topic, decided on lolita
25/02 + 26/02
-Worked on encyclopedia task
-Lolita is a very broad topic, so helped to organise the themes a bit more
-Found pictures from old blog posts, pinterest, google, fashion magazines, Instagram, archived websites
27/02
-Had the publication workshop, so started focusing on publication first, instead of film
-One of the tasks was to take 5 images or so from your encyclopedia and make it into a mini publication
-Helped me identify the key points I must include, as I was struggling with focusing on how broad the topic was
-Was thinking of having my film be informative, so started finding clips
-Went through Japanese archive footage on NicoNico Douga (Japanese version of Youtube from the early 200s)
28/02
-Started working on drawings for publication
-Had a vague idea on what I wanted my book to look like, knew I'd have to draw lots of lolitas from different time periods
-Had to produce all full colours within a week, it usually takes me 1 week for 1 drawing
-Had 5 drawings, took a week to finish them
-Colour style is simple, pose is simple for this reason
-Though the pose serves it's purpose better than something elaborate
-I would put the sketches underneath each other to make sure they all follow the same proportions
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01/03
-Had book binding workshop
-Learnt how to book bind in unit 6, so didn't help too much
-However we got to look at example publications, which made me think of alternative methods
-Just wanted to do a normal zine format initially
-I liked the screw binding, the long booklet, lolita encyclopedia?
-Format Ideas
-Went with big book, skinny pages idea.
-1 lolita on the right page, information of each time period to the left
-Of Japanese magazines design style
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