#can some romantic shit happen to me please [aspec]

[tiger-moran]

Please shut up about how we have to separate asexual and aromantic, please shut up about how they're 'totally separate identities that need to be acknowledged as separate and need separate representation!'

For SOME people they're separate, SOME. Not all. Some people are both and they are separate for them. Some people are one and not the other. Those are all great and valid ways to experience attraction (or its lack) and yes absolutely we need more representation for all aspec identities! But not everyone fits under those! Nor are we going to see ourselves represented in characters where the identities are clearly separated.

But this is the constant message that I'm seeing, that they're separate, that they have to be treated as separate, that they basically don't overlap even for people who are both, and also that not only the attraction but the experiences we have because of those identities don't even have any real overlap or similarities, and I'm sick to death of it. I'm sick of practically every single 'aspec positivity' blog or post making it sound as if I HAVE to separate them when I can't. I'm sick of it being made out I'm 'using labels wrong' or that I'm 'experiencing attraction wrong'. I never see any real acknowledgement of people who are both and can't separate them, I never see any acknowledgement any more of people who are asexual meaning both because the SAM does not apply to us and also we don't see why asexual unlike pretty much every other orientation HAS to be assumed to be neatly and clearly split and actually some of us are pretty resentful both that a split has basically been forced on every aspec person now and also that if ever we try to assert that we're asexual meaning both our aromanticism gets erased and we're just assumed to be alloromantic or we get treated like 'fake aromantics' who aren't really aromantic at all and only actually care about our lack of sexual attraction (and I do wonder if a similar thing happens to those who also don't use the SAM but call themselves just aromantic). Even that aroace flag which I don't even like anyway but that was supposed to sort of represent people like me who can't separate our asexuality from our aromanticism still gets used by people who insist basically I've got to see asexual and aromantic as separate identities. I've had to block so many blogs for doing this (because actually, I hate confrontation, I hate arguing, I don't want to confront people over this so I'd rather just block them so I don't have to see it any more) - because they keep posting content, even so called 'positivity', that is basically just erasing and excluding people like me from what are meant to be my own communities and they really do just make me feel like shit over something I've never felt like shit about ever before until this insistence on using the SAM and neatly and clearly splitting up the identities started to happen. (And yes I'm also sick of this overall sense that people are trying to shove everyone in the queer community into all these totally separate boxes and act like there's no overlap between the identities and/or the experiences of any of them. I still think this insistence on a neat and precise ace/aro split is symptomatic of a wider issue.)

I'm not even saying that asexuality and aromanticism can never possibly be experienced separately or never have separate experiences or issues sometimes even for people like me, but there is just no point where my asexuality clearly and neatly splits from my aromanticism, there is no clear divide between my lack of sexual attraction and lack of romantic attraction. But it's like... just fuck everyone who's both asexual and aromantic and can't neatly separate them I guess. That's the message I've been getting for many years now (and it gets even worse every time Pride Month comes around).

I'm sorry for sounding angry about this and repeating myself about this too but the reality of this is it's shoved people like me out, it's left us nowhere we feel like we belong. And sorry too but I was IDing as asexual meaning both before a lot of the people doing this, insisting they have to be viewed as separate, were probably even born, so I am pretty annoyed that it got to this stage when basically everyone started acting like we're not allowed to do that and that you have to use these neatly split terms instead. (Also this is in addition to there being rather too much actual genuine negativity - not simply repulsion towards the idea of having sex themselves but actual real negativity - towards not just sex but people who have sex coming from some asexual people, which is both unpleasant and also alienating to a lot of aspecs, or the proliferation of ideas like 'aces love cuddling' which are treated like the singular asexual experience when they also don't apply to many of us. Plus the general ignoring of/erasure of older asexual people as well. A lot of the time it does feel too like the aspec community or communities forgets anyone over the age of about 25 or so even exists in them.)

I'm just so tired of this.

[redbullgivesyouwingedkuriboh]

OH FUCK YEAH HERE WE GO MY BLORBOS

Atticus Rhodes/Fubuki Tenjoin

How I feel about them: (slams head into wall repeatedly, grabs them in my mouth and shakes them like a fuckin dog) DA BABY DA BLORBO GOD WHAT A GUY HE IS REALLY JUST A LITTLE GUY OMG in all seriousness Atticus is one of my faves and I love him so so much, I would also like to wrap him in a blanket and put him in a corner never to be hurt by the world again. love you atty

All romantic ships: CHAZZ #1. STORMSHIPPING MY BELOVED. NONBINARY STORMSHIPPING?! EVEN BETTER. also zanexatticus fucks severely, and I have been known to enjoy the poly O-Blues before (fujiwara deserves love too!!!!)

Non-romantic OTP: I love the friendship Atticus and Jaden have. I wish we’d gotten more of them, and I would have LOVED to see them duel post-volcano incident.

Unpopular opinion: he’s straight in the way Neil Patrick Harris plays Barney Stinson. (that’s not the unpopular part bear with me) by that I mean he expresses straightness very very well because of some internalized homophobia and it’s not until he really interacts with people at duel academy (aka Crowler) that he starts to get past that, but his shield is still VERY MUCH UP. especially after the Shadow Riders shit. he throws his walls back up after The Rescue tm, and the main wall he knows is I Am Straight Haha.

One thing I wish had happened: MORE ATTICUS AND ALEXIS SIBLING INTERACTIONS THANK YOU. also LET HIM WIN A DUEL FOR FUCKING ONCE PLEASE

Zane Truesdale/Ryo Marufuji

How I feel about them: (picks him up and puts him on a very high shelf where no one can reach) you’re an asshole but I love you and I would like to throw you across the room and also never let anyone touch you again you poor baby why did you treat your brother like that who hurt you I’ll kill them. also just a guy tm but man did the character development develop

All romantic ships: Mainly Atticus, but I am a sucker for some enemies to lovers with Aster hatesexhatesexhatesex I have a lot of feelings about them and how they grow around each other. I do think Zane is aspec, though (re: “I’m in love with dueling” is NOT a heteronormative thing to say)

Non-romantic OTP: I really wish we’d gotten more development of his and Syrus’s relationship. Toxic siblings to best friends is a favorite trope of mine, and I just. Zane and Syrus, ok. The anti-Kaibabros, and I just want them to be okay.

Unpopular opinion: he should have gotten WAY more flak from Alexis and Jaden about how he treated Syrus in S1/S2. honestly I think if Alexis had said two words to his ass during that whole Hell Kaiser arc he would’ve snapped the fuck outta it and cried for an hour. can I get a hallelujah for S3– while it may have traumatized the fuck outta the J boys, Zane fixed a lot of shit he broke.

One thing I wish had happened: someone should’ve punched him. Preferably Syrus or Alexis. Preferably during S2. oH AND: Season 4 should have gone a whole lot differently for Zane. I think him passing on the deck to Syrus was a great conclusion for Syrus, but not for Zane, and after S3 I wanted more Zane than I did Syrus. IMO, the ideal Zane conclusion would have been him dueling Syrus for the deck, losing, acknowledging Syrus as a duelist, and then going on WITH SYRUS to lead the Cyber Duel School and/or starting a charity to help down-on-their-luck duelists so they don’t have to go to the underground duel ring.

thank you for requesting atticus and zane I love them SO MUCH

not my creation but please send in any gx character :P

[martsonmars]

been having lots of thoughts about (a)sexuality lately. this is probably tmi but who am i if i don't overshare on the internet?

(contains talk of sex, masturbation, sexual attraction...)

specifically, i'm trying to figure myself out when it comes to being aspec.

years ago i was obsessed with labels. i spent years trying to find the right one, and i kept trying different labels and nothing felt right, and it made me feel awful, but i really felt the need to understand myself and give a word to my sexuality. when i accepted that i don't need labels and i'll just wait and see what life brings, i felt lighter, and now i can say i'm queer without having to explain it further.

but while i'm not in a rush to figure myself out, and i know that sexuality can be fluid, and that even if you find the perfect label something might happen that leads you in a different direction (i say this because i'm young and because i've never had sexual or romantic experiences of any kind, i've never even kissed anyone and my only relationship was a ldr with someone who wasn't into it as much as i was and it fell apart after a couple of months during which she wouldn't even call me her girlfriend — so i know i simply might have to wait for actual experiences to understand myself) (though, of course, i'm not saying that you can't figure yourself out if you don't have experiences — you totally can! i just mean that maybe trying things and meeting people who make me feel things would clear out my confusion better than just ruminating over it), even though i don't mind waiting, i hate being confused. i want to know myself.

so yeah, the premise is: i don't need to be told that figuring yourself out takes time and there's no need to rush it etc etc. i know! i'm okay with it. but i'm also here like can someone please explain me to me? (plot twist: after writing this whole post, i explained myself to me!)

having said this, i am pretty sure i am either asexual or somewhere deep on the spectrum. it's not a super new thought (i started thinking i was asexual at least 3 years ago — then i changed my mind because that's when i got over my prejudices about masturbation and found an entire new world of self pleasure, and thought i couldn't be asexual if i enjoyed masturbation; i was, of course, wrong, but back then i knew very little about asexuality and genuinely believed you had to be repulsed by all kinds of sex related stuff to be asexual, even masturbation) but it's getting stronger lately.

i love sex. the idea of it at least. i love making jokes about sex and about sexual attraction, i love having sexual fantasies, i love masturbating, i love writing and reading porn (though i have to say that when it comes to... uh, getting aroused, i'm mostly interested in super kinky porn. tender shit, or simply normal vanilla sex does nothing for me, which imho is another arrow pointing to you're somewhat asexual, because what works for me is stuff that would be vaguely harder — just because people have misconceptions about bdsm — to try irl, so i can get aroused with some degree of separation between my pleasure and the acts i'm reading about). i don't know if i'm opposed to the idea of having sex, this is something i have to figure out.

i know this doesn't make me less asexual, but it helps to add this piece to the puzzle. my “problem” is not with sex.

but i'm starting to accept that i might not be sexually attracted to people.

i find people aesthetically attractive. i have crushes on people who i think are hot. i've had my share of celebrity crushes.

i might have had actual sexual thoughts for celebrity crushes when i was younger. i don't remember, honestly. i know i used to roleplay sexual scenarios about an actor with a friend when i was a teenager, but i don't remember how i felt about that. i know i like roleplaying a lot — though that was the only time i roleplayed something sexual, so i just love roleplaying regardless of the topic — and maybe i liked sharing that celebrity crush with my friend, but i don't remember if i felt anything about it. but either way, celebrity crushes are different. they're safer because you'll never get in the position to act on your crush on a celebrity, so fantasising about them is detached from reality. (and it's something i don't do anymore, honestly. i left it behind, along with rpf, with my 16yo self.)

the same happens with certain sexual fantasies. i never think of real people. i never think about other people at all. i think of things when masturbating, i read smut, but there's always this layer of separation. like, i'm having these thoughts and they arouse me but if i start thinking i might actually do this with someone it loses its appeal.

but i don't think i've ever actually been sexually attracted to a real person who i actually know. not in the past 4 years anyway. (i don't remember well enough what i felt before — though the fact that i don't remember is probably the answer i'm looking for — so i'll give past me the benefit of the doubt.)

i wasn't sexually attracted to the two or three people i've been in love with in my life. all my crushes have been romantic, maybe aesthetic, never explicitly sexual. i always think that the people i like are beautiful, but it's not sexual.

i can remember only one moment of sexual attraction in my entire life. i was 17, dancing with a girl who had more or less the same body type as me (this is relevant): she was maybe a bit fitter, but she wasn't skinny, she had broad shoulders and a thick neck and i felt all her curves pressed against mine as we danced. in that moment i thought i wanted to have sex with her.

which brings me to another question: how much of my sex-with-other-people repulsion comes from asexuality, and how much is simply me hating my body and not wanting anyone to see it? it feels relevant that the only time i remember feeling sexual attraction was towards someone that would've made me feel safe and not judged about my body, since she looked pretty much like me. when i try to think of having sex in a dark room, it feels vaguely more okay that doing it in the light, but i still can't really picture it, so who knows how much my body image issues are involved.

another question is: were those vaguely religion/moral-induced thoughts about purity affecting my feelings about sex in the past? as i said, i wasn't sexually attracted to the two people i loved in high school, but was the idea that thinking sexual thoughts about them would make me impure and would disrespect them (especially this; i was always more concerned about this) playing a role in it? it's definitely not something i'm concerned about anymore, because i've grown past those thoughts, but i also haven't liked anyone in a while so i can't see if anything's different now.

what i'm trying to say here is: i am definitely somewhat ace, but are there other factors contributing to it that could be “solved”?

i don't know.

it's funny, because i now realise that when i used to identify as a lesbian it was more because i wasn't attracted to men than because i was attracted to women, and this is likely why the lesbian label never really worked, and why i always felt the need to specify that i still somewhat maybe liked men.

i love women! i do think women's bodies are aesthetically more pleasing. but i also love men's bodies! so maybe my “i must be a lesbian because i'm not attracted to men” was just me not understanding that i'm simply not attracted to anyone. maybe i like women more simply because when i fall in love, i usually fall in love with women.

i've had plenty of crushes for men before i realised i wasn't straight, but ever since i came out as queer to myself i've mostly liked women. i don't think i've had crushes for real men in years. though i'm pretty sure i could like men in some way. (there have definitely been some men i was interested in, recently. often i found out that they're gay. all the other times it just leads to nothing. but the possibility is still there.) (i also have to say that i'm closet to more women than men. almost all my friends are either women or non binary. and most of my male acquaintances are gay. maybe if i got to know more men who aren't 100% gay i'd have a better chance to find out what i like about men...) (or maybe... maybe i'm asexual and homoromantic! maybe that's why i don't like men, because i can't fall in love with them, and at the same time i don't really feel sexual attraction! so maybe this feeling that i could still like men is because i do experience aesthetic attraction, and there is a vague possibility that i would have sex with someone, and this includes men, but it feels so far away because i'm not romantically interested in men AND i'm not sexually attracted to them.) (or maybe, hated sentence by everyone but that could genuinely apply to my situation, which is why i made that disclaimer at the beginning: maybe i haven't met the right man yet.)

i want to say that, even after all this paragraph about my attraction to men, i'm not seeing my attraction as something strictly related to gender and sex anymore. i used to, and it made me feel awful — i still remember how terrible i felt when i was convinced that i was a lesbian because i didn't like dicks, because i thought that not wanting to be with trans women who hadn't transitioned would make me transphobic, and i really didn't want to be transphobic — but now i just know that i'm queer and that's enough. i still wonder who i'm attracted to, as the previous paragraph proves, but it's more because i'm curious than because i'd let it define me or limit me. one of the reasons why i like the label queer is that, as much as i want to figure myself out, it helps me accept that i'm open to anything. i don't want what i think my sexuality is to be a limit, and it definitely felt like a limit when i was younger and so attached to labels it was actually unhealthy.

i don't think i'm aromantic, on the other hand. i've been in love before. i don't fall in love with people often, but when i do it happens pretty quickly (at least the initial layer of feeling hits me like a lorry). i think i do need an emotional connection to fall in love, but it's a kind of emotional connection i can form over the course of a single day. (kiss her once for me felt so validating tbh.) if a person feels right, and not many people do, my feelings can go from 0 to 100 in a couple of days. usually (but not always) when i get crushes (i'm talking about more intense crushes) they also fade pretty quickly, but if i feed them (usually because i don't feel the need to get over that person) they can last a lot even if i fell in love almost immediately. (it's weird, honestly, but i won't talk about this any longer because right now my focus is on sexual attraction, not romantic stuff.)

in the mess of thoughts that have been eating me lately, there's also the fact that i desperately want a queerplatonic relationship. maybe it's the asexuality telling me i don't want what most people would call a regular, normal relationship. maybe it's simply that i'm craving physical intimacy so much it hurts. and while some friendships would give me the kind of intimacy i'm looking for, i think i want something that's a step further.

i don't want sex. i might change my mind about this tomorrow if i met someone i'm attracted to. or maybe i'll fall in love with someone and we'll get together and at some point i'll want to have sex with them. or maybe one day i'll have a one night stand even though i'm not attracted to that person. which is why i said i'll see where life brings me.

i'm not even sure i want to kiss people. it's definitely something i want to try, but i don't feel the need to do it as much as i did in the past. and other than that, i don't feel the need for it to mean anything. i'd love to go to a night club and kiss someone just to see how it feels, even if i wasn't attracted to that person or if i didn't want to take it further.

(and who knows, maybe a first kiss or having sex would unlock me. maybe having an actual sexual or sexual-adjacent experience would answer all my questions in a way i don't expect. or maybe not.)

to go back to the qpr, i say i'm really lonely in general, and while it's true, and having more friends i can meet up with (because i have plenty of friends and i don't want more, but they're all around the world and right now i need people i can hang out with, which sadly means having to make more friends) would help, i'm also lonely in a way friends wouldn't solve.

i really want intense, non-sexual touches. someone who loves me the way i love them. someone whose relationship with me is different from friendship, but is not quite a relationship the way people usually define relationships.

(there's a whole other can of worms about me realising i would love to have a qpr with @ person who's not even on tumblr but we're being extra careful here, but we won't open it here.)

so yeah. i'm glad i put all of this into words because i've been thinking about this stuff for like 10 days (even longer subconsciously, or about certain parts of this whole essay, but in depth and with all the details only for 10 days) and now i can probably move on (or at least stop obsessing over it with no way out the way i do when i'm trying to put my thoughts together in a way that feels complete and satisfying enough).

the conclusion is that: i can say i am some flavour of asexual, which answers many questions about me, even though not all of them, and some not permanently, but i can at least confidently say i'm ace without feeling like i'm faking it!

apparently putting things on the internet makes me accept myself. same thing happened when i changed my pronouns online and i was hit by a wave of oh, so i'm not faking it.

sending love 💖

[robotslenderman]

So I know the Discourse has passed but I wanted to say something so people can take me in good faith -

I am aroace. I'm starting with that so you have the appropriate context.

I headcanon that most vampires become aroace/adjacent after the Embrace. I have headcanon on why, but explaining this is not the point of this post.

The point of this post is, while discourse of "implying that being asexual makes you inhuman" is totally valid (I hate that word but can't think of a better one), please be mindful of us aces who headcanon this stuff anyway because we want to have a society that isn't as obsessed with sex and romance as human society is, even if that society is fictional.

I like to think that the one saving grace of being a vamp is living in a society where being asexual and in nonromantic relationships isn't just accepted, but the norm. And I'm seeing posts that come dangerously close to "aroace society is abnormal and if you want to headcanon vampiric society as being like that, you're aphobic."

so let me make one thing clear:

OKAY - "saying asexuality makes you inhuman is aphobic"

NOT OKAY - "all vampires fuck because wanting a society where asexuality and aromanticism is not just accepted, but the dominant social norm, is aphobic because that society happens to not be human. and oh how convenient that it means that we're reinforcing the othering of aspec people by insisting that this vampiric society is romantic and sexual as the norm!''

(NOTE - If you are aspec, the above paragraph does not apply to you. This paragraph is about allo allies and "allies" that are, well, reinforcing our othering by deeming aspec vamps being normal as Problematic. If you're aspec in any way and still see it as problematic, then that's because you understand the nuance to a level an allo doesn't and I trust in your experiences and feelings.)

So please be careful that you're not using this discourse as an excuse to silence aspec people who are indulging in wish fulfilment.

On a personal level - I genuinely don't mind "vampires are aroace because they're not human" coming from other aspec people because I know what it's like to feel like I'm not human and when it comes from other aspecs I know it comes from a place of personal struggle.

I can relate to "I'm not human and I am aspec." I see "vampires are aspec because they're no ponger human" coming from other aspec people and my honest reaction is "fuck YEAH, we're BADASS VAMPIRES WITH COOL POWERS INSTEAD!"

I do have an issue with it if it comes from allo people because it has a whole different context and comes across as TOTALLY different. Because then it sounds less like "we're cool creatures of the night" and more like "because you guys are freaks anyway."

But then we open a whole new can of worms where aspecs would feel obliged to out themselves to justify having a headcanon, and I'm not okay with that either. I don't know how to reconcile that and have no solution.

I'm really sorry if all this does is piss off all the other aspecs in the fandom. I really hope I'm being respectful in this, and I'm happy to listen to your thoughts and feelings on this without judgement - we all react differently to our oppression. I don't want aspecs who disagree with me to feel like I'm shitting on you for having a problem with the way some people have talked about vampire sexuality - in fact I share many of your thoughts and feelings. I'm just a little concerned that it's going too far in the wrong direction and that it's hurting us more than helping us.

My feelings on this are pretty complicated. I would LIKE vampires to be asexual and aromantic as a norm (not all vamps - I mean, I also have vamps that fuck and fall in romantic love), because I love the idea of an underground society of non-humans who are "abnormal" like I am, because I still have complicated feelings about my own asexuality and feel like I AM inhuman and walking around in an underground society of fellow "freaks." And the idea of it existing in VTM makes me feel a little less alone.

But again, sincere apologies if my internalised aphobia is too much in this post (I really struggle with the aspec part of me - it toik me years to just acknowledge I WAS aspec and I'm still not at peace with it), and sincere apologies if I really fuck up and shat on other aspec people. I don't want to do that. Our lives are hard enough without me contributing. I hope I've managed to express myself, my opinions, and my struggles in a way that's respectful to others.

I just... want to be the normal one, for once. I want a turn being what society sees as default. I want a turn having my desires be seen as not just socially acceptable, but even a good thing. I don't want to be tolerated and accepted, I want to be embraced. Pardon the pun.

I just want to daydream about what it feels like to be normal and I want to be able to do that without allos muscling in and telling me I'm Problematic by having a headcanon where aspec people are incredibly visible and normal.

[peachpitmp3]

ok so there technically is private browsing on safari, but there was a restriction on my phone a few years back. and now. nobody can figure out how to remove it so,, to google chrome it is fhsdlkfj

HGLSDKJF. first off, i will spiritually go backyard camping with you bestie. second, yeah !!!! there have been so many sightings of bears that just. walk around in driveways and backyards and shit. everyone has to put their trash bins out at 5 in the morning if they don't want bears or raccoons or whatnot getting it!! thank you <33

that is so valid dude, camping via fic is very cool !!!! why get bitten by bugs and not have access to a proper bed and everything when you can just. leave out that part and make your favorite characters do it!

OH MY GOD. I LOVE THOSE. :/ uh *panics in aspec and i don't know what qualifies as a crush* y eah... middle school crushes ammirite? aha. GOOD LUCK LMAO !!! that's a wonderful sounding playlist, such a mood. crime time crime time !!! honestly all your playlists sound very cool and very vibey.

FHSDKLFJHJKSDF you've very valid, little kids can definitely make you want to dropkick them. "wow. i want to kick you into the sun." i really want to start saying this to my siblings now god-

those are nice career choices!!! good income too lmao. orangesssss. oranges are great and so are the people who draw oranges <3

oooooh !! i hope you find it even if you don't like star wars fshdjlf. and !!!!!!!!! yes, lost stuffed animals is a perfect choice.

oooh ok. so i haven't actually been in this liminal space, but a laundromat at 3am. where you can sit inside and it's quiet and peaceful, and it's dark and almost silent outside, but it's warm inside from all the generated heat. either that, or a supermarket at midnight. uquizzes my BELOVED. i love being perceived, and especially the ones that have long paragraphs that make you sit back and just. oh.

i do watch youtube a lot!! even if it's just music videos or coming out tiktok compilations. it's pretty easy to find a video to play in the background while i write, or do something else. i actually don't have that many playlists, because i listened to music via youtube for a while (i know, it was. not my proudest time). but i have one called "idk here are some sad songs" and i have literally three songs on it, because i kept meaning to add more and then i'd forget. and i have one called "alone sometimes" and i have fanart of bo burnham's inside as the cover.

if i met my clone? i honestly have no idea. probably uhh,, idk. i'd be able to see myself the way other people do, i guess, so that's pretty cool. !!! i would do duets with my clone, using my trumpet. or i'd go play tennis with my clone, because i need to play more tennis. that's pretty boring but i can't think of anything else rn fsdhkjfk. honestly, i think thunderstorms are very nice. my dog doesn't like them tho, so that's taken some of the appeal out of them. but otherwise, i can listen to music and read and it's pretty vibey.

what would you do if you met your clone? how do you organize the apps on your phone? if you had a day to yourself, entirely to yourself, where everyone else is frozen, what would you do? favorite kind of videos to watch on youtube? - 🌵

oh wait okay that happened to one of my friends too!! yeah they couldnt undo it either. have fun lmfao

SPIRITUALLY GO BACKYARD CAMPING PLS ILYSM. that is so sweet. bet. okay. im. im losing it over the bears. please i can't... bear... it...

okay no honestly thats such a mood i literally no longer have any idea whats a crush. like for me romantic and platonic are so closely intertwined so its like. ??????? panic help and then half the time i just assume it's romantic and half the time i just assume it's platonic. coin flip at this point.

please say that to your siblings. i will say it to mine as well. sibling affectionate bullying solidarity.

LMAO right. younger me had more hope for my future than i do now.and yes omg oranges are so great

OOOOH A LAUNDROMAT AT 3AM DUDE THAT'S SUCH A VIBE. oh my god i love supermarkets so much actually. yes. and so true uquizzes are amazing. yes exactly. you get it.

ooooh okay those sound like good vibey playlists!! i like em :D and dw im only judging you a little for that youtube music era

you'd. you'd do a trumpet duet or play tennis. please this is the best thing ever you're actually so iconic i can't. oh my god. you'd do a trumpet duet or play TENNIS WITH YOUR CLONE ?? ISJMDF SKFHAOGJKASFHDJKL. amazing. yeahhh thunderstorms are great :D

if i met my clone i'd probably. uh. take a bunch of photos (not selfies with both of us) just to find out what angles i look good at. and then i'd have my clone try on a bunch of my clothes (our clothes?) so i can see what i (we?) look good in. and then i'd confuse the shit out of people. it woudl be great.

oh my god okay so honestly there's no organization system but i do use shortcuts and widgets and i made it really really aesthetic and pretty so there's that. i'm very proud of it lmao.

oooooh tbh i'd probably binge netflix or steal from barnes and noble or just like. vibe by myself. idk.

oh gosh i have no idea. i barely watch youtube anymore but i guess uhhh.... i like video essays/some commentary things. idk.

if you could try any one thing right now, something you've never done before, without any risk of danger, what would you do? can you keep plants alive? do you have a favorite flower? bookstores or libraries?

[nonbinaro]

[id: a screenshot of a privately-answered ask. the ask was sent by @arofili (my main blog), a user whose icon is an image of legolas from lord of the rings on a background of the aromantic flag. the ask reads “Look I appreciate y’all dispelling misconceptions about asexuality but could you not use arophobic language like “aces can still love” and implying romantic attraction is the definition of love. please and thank you.”

the response is from the prominent asexual blog @fuckyeahasexual, whose icon is an image of the asexual flag on its side with the words “fuck yeah asexual” over it. the response reads “Hi ! Im sorry if my wording came out that way but the screenshot the OP of that post used was from a post specifically talking about how not all aces might be aro too and might experience romantic attraction while also being asexual ! OPs points were only about alloromantic asexual people! I still edited the post to include “love romantically” btw ! Sorry again ! Have a nice day!” end id.]

the edited version of the post in question can be found HERE ; it originally used the word “love” in the final response where it now says “romantic attraction”. (cw: aphobia)

to the mod of @fuckyeahasexual who replied to me: thank you very much! i’m sorry to put you on blast by screenshotting and publicly replying to this privately answered ask - and i can delete this post if you’d like me to - but this is something that’s been talked about a lot recently in the aromantic community and i have some more to say about it that i think would benefit a wider audience.

the aro community has for months been discussing arophobia in the ace community, and most of our attempts to confront ace blogs have been met with silence, especially when the ace blog in question is as popular as yours. this is an ongoing problem; you can look through my “aromisia in the ace community” tag for examples and discussion. (aside: i am glad to see @acephobia-is-real , another prominent ace blog, just recently begin to address this issue as well.)

honestly getting this kind of explanation, apology, and most importantly action from you was a surprise! i expected nothing, especially from the response and content i’ve seen on the @fuckyeahasexual blog before. I wish you had responded to this publicly, because aro folks knowing our voices are heard is important.

if you’ve been doing this behind the scenes in other cases, thank you! sincerely! but being upfront about when you mess up and erase aros - upfront to the point of public acknowledgement - would truly benefit the aspec community. aros will know that our concerns are being heard, and not just the aros that write in to you. and allo aces will be exposed to the kind of aro erasure they are often implicit in and realize its effects as well as seeing an example of a blog like yours fixing the issue.

anyway - i just wanted to share for the sake of the aros following me that hey! this thing happened, and it got fixed, and that’s great! i wanted to publicly acknowledge @fuckyeahasexual for responding - though truly, this is such a low bar that it shouldn’t have to be praised - and i wanted to bolster aro folks who face shit like this every day. there are issues, and there will continue to be, but it doesn’t have to be this way and people will listen , even if it’s not as often as we’d like.

thanks.

[aroworlds]

Aro-Spec Artist Profile: Alex

Today I have the delight of introducing Alex, better known to aro-spec Tumblr as @arotaro and @mutant-jojos!

Alex is a bisexual, half-Puerto Rican multi-disciplinary aromantic artist and creative with severe ADHD. You’ll find her prolific fanworks on AO3 as EmeraldTrash666, writing primarily for the JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure fandom. Her bold, colourful art for the JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure, Fullmetal Alchemist, Hetalia, Pokemon and Vocaloid fandoms is also available on Redbubble under the name StellaHagane.

She writes, she creates digital art and she dabbles in music, sewing and fashion design, single-handedly proving that there’s no such thing as too much creative awesome for any one aromantic!

With us Alex talks about finding the word aro, the power of fandom and creative fanworks, her love of aro Jotaro, the challenges of creating with ADHD, the struggles of being an aro gen writer in fandom and the importance of expressing our aro headcanons. Everything she says is absolutely on point, so please let’s give her all our love, encouragement, gratitude, kudos and follows for taking the time to explore what it is to be aromantic and creative.

Can you share with us your story in being aro-spec?

I guess in some ways my “story” starts out pretty typical. Got older, kept waiting for my First Crush™, never got it, started worrying and trying to force myself to develop crushes. I actually was in a relationship with another girl on a forum I was part of as a teenager, but eventually I realized that I didn’t really like her romantically, and the relationship started to become really unpleasant for me. I eventually felt so miserable that I didn’t even want to talk at her at all, even though we were close friends, but I didn’t want to break up with her - partly because I didn’t want to hurt her feelings, partly because we were everyone’s “OTP” and I didn’t want my friends to hate me for ruining that. But eventually I did break up with her, and I’m happy to say she took it with grace and we’re still close friends today! (She’s ace and a great writer/artist herself, too!)

I was part of a very nice LGBTQ+ group as a teenager, but I could never figure out my identity. I felt really ashamed and alone. Whenever I brought up how messed up I felt because I’d never had a crush on anyone, everyone was like, “Oh, sounds like you must be asexual!”, but I knew I wasn’t, and that was the worst part. Even though I knew aromanticism was a thing, nobody ever talked about it. It was only ever in the context of aroaces, so I didn’t know I was aro. I thought I must have had some sort of mental illness or something, but certainly not a legitimate orientation, nothing to be proud of like everyone else.

During that time, I found myself connecting on a deep emotional level to characters like Alphonse Elric, Fujiwara no Sai, the X-Men in general (although I’ve been an X-Men fan since I was literally a baby), basically anyone who was somehow “different” from the rest of humanity, even though I never understood why, since I was a fairly privileged kid who had never experienced much bullying or anything. Weirdly enough, it was Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure that helped me realize I was aro and come to terms with it; I saw an interview with Hirohiko Araki, the author of JJBA, where he was asked what type of girls Jotaro Kujo likes, and replied that he didn’t think Jotaro liked girls. The obvious interpretation would be that Jotaro’s gay, but somehow, one way or another, I decided to go with the idea that Jotaro’s aromantic. Jotaro also happened to be a character I really related to for reasons I couldn’t quite articulate, so around the time I was 18 I put two and two together and was like ... oh shit…

Please click keep reading to continue Alex’s story!

Can you share with us the story behind your creativity?

I’ve always been weird in the way I’m very creative, but tend to kinda bounce around from hobby to hobby. Other people draw, or write, or sing, while I draw for a month, and then write for a month and sew for a week and play video games for a week, and then I draw some more, and then I try out something completely new, and then I write again. I think it must be an ADHD thing, idk. In any case, I’ve just always been really passionate about making stuff, whatever that stuff happens to be.

I’ve also always been very much fandom-oriented. Ever since I was a toddler, I used to dictate fanfiction to my mom (back then it usually involved Winnie the Pooh, the Powerpuff Girls, Godzilla, and my dog). I mostly draw fanart. I find that I’m not really capable of writing original stories, but I’m great at getting fanfics in character, and I love writing them. I love taking stories I already love and reinterpreting them, seeing what it would be like if the characters were put into different situations, etc.

Because of my ADHD, I really struggle with actually finishing things. I try really really hard, I really do, and I’ve been trying to push myself even harder these past few years. I’ve made progress, but it’s still extremely difficult, so I’m very sorry for all the projects I’ve abandoned over the years. Sorry I still haven’t finished the fic that was supposed to be done in early March. I’m trying, really. I promise I’m working on the next chapter of BLaD, too.

Are there any particular ways your aro-spec experience is expressed in your art?

Of course, pretty much everything I write is gen. Even if I include romantic relationships in my fics, I never write about romance, just stories which also happen to include some characters who might be dating someone. And obviously I always write Jotaro as aro! That’s really important to me. No matter which AU I’m writing, he’s always aro. (And autistic, but that’s off topic.)

I’m also not really into shipping because of my romance repulsion, but I ship Joseph Joestar and Caesar Zeppeli. The thing is … I’ve always viewed it as a unique relationship, sort of difficult to define as being strictly romantic or platonic or sexual, just kind of their own thing that defies words. That’s how I’ve always written it. I had the sudden realization recently that this strange view on the only ship I really actually like (at the moment, anyway) is probably due to my being aro, lmao.

What challenges do you face as an aro-spec artist?

People don’t read gen fics, and people aren’t interested in aro stories. That’s just the way it is. I do have some dedicated readers, whom I love deeply, but in general… I could post something with a deep plot, something funny and dramatic and witty and touching, something I poured my heart and soul into for months, and it’ll get very few hits/comments/kudos, while someone else could post the same generic 2,000-word romance fic everyone’s seen a dozen times over, with no editing or anything, and get twice the amount of traffic my fics do in half the time. It’s really crushing.

How do you connect to the aro-spec and a-spec communities as an aro-spec person?

I dunno… The aro community feels so small. Online, I have a small circle of aro mutuals who all kind of vent collectively, and I’m part of Arocalypse and a few aro/aspec Discord servers, but I still feel like there isn’t really much of a larger community to be part of in the same way that there is for other orientations. Offline, I’ve never met another aro, or even anyone who actually knows what aromanticism is prior to me explaining it to them.

I also don’t feel like there’s a very unified “aspec community”. As an allo aro, I feel very rejected by the ace community - not to say that I feel like I should be part of the ace community, since I’m not ace, but I feel like they throw aros under the bus a lot. I mean, we’ve all seen the “asexuals can feel love, just like anybody else! … oh, except for aroaces, I guess. But the rest of us are normal, so you should accept us!” rhetoric. Both within and outside the aspec communities, aros are rarely treated with the same priority as aces, even though we’re arguably in a much more difficult position than your average allo ace.

That being said, I’m glad there is an aro community at all. I don’t know where I’d be now if I were still questioning. Probably not in a very good place.

How do you connect to your creative community as an aro-spec person?

As I mentioned, there’s a general lack of interest in gen fics or sympathy for romance-repulsed people in general. It’s really difficult being romance repulsed in fandom spaces, because nobody cares about anything other than ships. There are very few gen fics, and even less that are a decent length, not abandoned, or cater to my specific interests, so I have to write my own. I don’t often have anything good to read; most of the big fics, the ones with cool plots and long word counts and ongoing updates, are ship fics. If I’m lucky, maybe two gen fics will be posted in one week, and maybe one of them will be longer than a few thousand words. Maybe one might even have my favorite characters. But usually genfics are few and far between, and kind of random in terms of what you’ll get. Sometimes I get so bored that I read ship fics anyway, and then I always wind up feeling really awful afterwards.

I’ve written, over the course of the past two years alone, over 20 gen fics. But whenever I vent that sometimes I’d like to actually get to read something, I always get someone telling me, “Well if you want gen fics, write some yourself! You have to make the change! You can’t demand people write stuff for you!” And of course, at the same time it’s totally acceptable to request ship fics from your favorite author, and if you complain that there aren’t enough fics for your rarepair, it’s seen as relatable and totally valid.

Fandom is just … really, really amatonormative, tbh. I hate it. I’m trying to make a difference (I did organize Gen Jojo Week along with my friend Rachel last year, and hopefully will again this year), but there’s only so much I can do.

How can the aro-spec community best help you as a creative?

Aside from reblogging my art and promoting my fics? Talk about stuff. Talk about aro stuff in fandom. Seriously! I know it seems obvious that aro people would like aro headcanons and gen fics and all that, but we need to talk about them more. Nobody outside the community gives enough of a shit about us to have aro headcanons, so let’s get them popular. Talk about your favorite aro headcanons. Talk about your favorite gen fics. Talk about how such-and-such character is totally aro; talk about how excited you are to see aro characters in fics. My dream is for aro headcanons to become just as common and popular as any other type of headcanon.

Can you share with us something about your current project?

This is old news to most of the people who already know me, but my current big project that I’ve been working on for several years now is Between Life and Death, a drama/horror/supernatural JJBA fic.

(WARNING: PHANTOM BLOOD AND STARDUST CRUSADERS SPOILERS BELOW.)

The plot of the fic is that Dio wins at the end of Stardust Crusaders, and after realizing that he has no hobbies other than harassing the Joestars, he decides to bring Jonathan back by sticking his head (which… we’ll just assume Dio preserved for plot purposes) onto Jotaro’s body. Obviously, Jonathan is NOT happy with this arrangement, but it also turns out that Jotaro’s still alive, just not in control of his body. He can still use his stand, so he essentially uses Star Platinum as a sort of proxy for interacting with the environment around him, even though he only comes out when Jonathan’s alone since he doesn’t want Dio to know he’s alive.

Basically, it’s the story of a depressed vampire and a traumatized ghost. It’s a very introspective fic; most of the story consists of conflicts between Dio and Jonathan, and Jonathan and Jotaro struggling to come to terms with their new existences - Jonathan being unable to reconcile vampirism with his personal morals, and Jotaro having one hell of an identity crisis while also mourning the deaths of his friends and family. The plot is picking up, though, and there is an end goal in mind, as well as an eventual sequel!

As for where the story-in-progress is at right now … well, the next “stage” of the plot is hamon training for Kakyoin and Avdol, which will be fun. This chapter also includes several dream sequences, including an extended appearance by Mary Joestar (Jonathan’s mom), and a very serious and dark scene which I almost ruined by having dream!Will Zeppeli refer to Jonathan as his padawan. Yeah.

Have you any forthcoming works we should look forward to?

As mentioned, I’m working on chapter 9 of Between Life and Death! And working on and off on some stuff for the mutants AU. Most recently, on a whim I rewrote the lyrics to Handbeat Clocktower by MOTHY to be about Jonathan Joestar. Somehow this went far enough that I’m making an actual UTAU rendition of this “parody”, and hopefully it’ll be done sometime in the next few weeks. I’m really having fun with it and I hope people like it!

[forthelulzy]

Want and Need

Fandom: Dragon Age: Inquisition

Rating: T

Warnings: Language

Summary:

“Nothing would happen, not in that way.

Because he wasn’t certain. Irene had never been certain, either.”

Written for @dragonageaspecweek​.

Read on AO3

Irene wanted to strangle that scout.

She knew it was him; it had to have been him. Cullen wouldn’t have told anyone — Maker, the man was nervous enough about having such a conversation without the entirety of Skyhold knowing about it too — and she had better things to do than rave about a relationship that didn’t even exist. Couldn’t exist, not in the conventional sense.

But here they were, these rumors. Dorian smiling just that tiny bit wider, nudging her with his elbow and feigning innocent when she interrogated him. Vivienne raising one perfect eyebrow and wishing her well in so many words, so vaguely that she didn’t even realize it was odd until later. Varric snickering into his glove. Something that they all knew about, or thought they knew about, and she hadn’t the slightest clue what until Blackwall, of all people, came out and said he was happy for her. <em>Happy</em>.</p>

The worst part was that none of it was true. They hadn’t kissed, hadn’t even held hands or stood less than two paces apart. Hearing the extent of the rumors — Blackwall took pity on her when she asked — was mortifying. Cullen had thought about kissing her, this was true enough. She had asked him whether he wanted to, prepared for the inevitable discussion about want and desire.

He admitted he wasn’t certain.

She’d been shocked into a laugh, and that was when the Maker-damned scout showed up. The hurt that had flashed over Cullen’s face at her reaction was channeled into irritation by the time the Commander turned around, and doubtlessly the scout had misinterpreted. Never mind that nothing had happened. Nothing would happen, not in that way.

Because he wasn’t certain. Irene had never been certain, either. Her husband had understood, bless his soul, and was willing to wait however long it took for her love to segue into want. Desire. Maybe someday it would have been easier, but then the Conclave blew and all hope of someday went with it. Her bones still ached. She was even less certain here; she knew there was something with Cullen but whether it was friendship or love or both was beyond her. She wanted to say all these things and more on the battlements, but Cullen had made his excuses before she could, and she, foolish brute, had let him walk away.

She stood outside the Herald’s Rest, listening to the raucous noise rattling the walls from within. There wasn’t anything to celebrate tonight as far as she was aware, except maybe their continued survival, but it certainly sounded like someone — probably the Iron Bull — had dragged out a cask and the majority of Skyhold was getting drunk. The Qunari’s laugh boomed above the others, and she wanted little more than to yank open that door and join them.

“Hey, broody britches! What’re you doing down there in the snow?” Irene recognized Sera’s voice immediately but it took a moment for her to find the rogue in the darkness. She leaned out of the window of her little alcove, waving down at Irene. “Come on in!”

“Can’t, Sera,” she called back, and took one last longing glance at the tavern door.

Sera slapped a hand to her forehead. “Aww, piss. Forgot. Hold on.” She withdrew from sight for a moment, and when she reappeared she was wearing a padded coat for the Skyhold winter. The elf threw the window open wider, and, before Irene could protest, climbed out the window and dropped to the ground. “It’s all good, innit?” She squinted at Irene, frowning. “No? Come on then, I know a better place.”

Sera’s smaller hand tugged her away from the tavern, and she allowed herself to be led. She hadn’t planned on talking to anyone, except perhaps Cullen if she ever found her suddenly-fled courage, but maybe this conversation would get that courage to return, as a run-up to the bigger one. She weighed how much she wanted to reveal — her husband’s loss nearly a year behind, she still ached. It still felt like a betrayal to even think about Cullen, sometimes. He would have wanted her to, but that didn’t make it much easier.

The “better place” turned out to be the loft above the requisitions officer’s quarters, a place Irene hadn’t known was even there. The officer — and Irene couldn’t recall his name, as she had little use for his services — was gone at such a late hour, and the loft was black as pitch. She felt around blindly, finding a covered crate and carefully sitting on it. Sera lit three candles and set them around the little room. “There,” she said with a giggle. “Romantic, right?” She, for her part, leaned against the tiny window and tapped her fingers on her thigh, satisfied grin on her lips. “You can tell Cully-Wully about this place, I don’t mind.” Irene flinched at the reminder, and Sera frowned. “Or not… Look, what’s wrong, ‘cause you’re acting weird.”

Irene huffed out an awkward laugh. It wasn’t funny, but it was better than punching something like her instincts usually demanded. “I don’t even know where to start,” she said, rolling her shoulders in a vain effort to release the tension gathering there.

“Well, start at the start,” Sera retorted.

“I don’t know where that is!” She stopped herself from throwing up her hands, curling them into tight fists instead. Maybe it wasn’t that complicated. “Fine. So, you know I was married before this.” She relaxed her left hand, letting the green glow escape and throw more shadows on the walls, on their faces. “We had a very… well, I suppose popular opinion would call it a strange relationship. I never wanted sex with anyone. Not even the slightest bit. Even him. I loved him, I did, but he just—” She growled and tossed up her hands before burying her face in them. “He never did it for me. Until the night before the Conclave.”

Sera sucked in a breath. “Ouch. And then he died.”

Somehow the rogue always knew what was up, before she realized what she was trying to say herself. She peeked through her fingers, slowly lifted her head. “Yes. Then he died. I haven’t wanted anyone after. Maker, I don’t know if I even want Cullen like that. I don’t know if I actually love him or I just feel like I could love him, either.” She slumped over again, mumbling into her hands, “I’m broken, Sera.”

“Shit. No, you’re not.” The vehemence, the conviction in Sera’s voice was startling, but then the rogue was right next to her, throwing an arm around her shoulders and shaking her gently. “You’re just got different needs than the rest of us, is all. Doesn’t everybody? Like me. I need ladybits. Dorian needs lordbits. Bull’ll take anybits. You? Maybe you don’t need bits most of the time, and only certain bits the rest of the time. Doesn’t mean you’re broken. Just— choosy? Something like that…” She trailed off, suddenly sounding very unsure.

Irene rolled her shoulders back again, the muscles at her collarbone twinging with the movement. Sera’s shaking loosened some of the knots, at least. “Thanks, Sera,” she said quietly. “I don’t know how to talk to Cullen, though. He kept looking at my mouth, on the battlements, and I asked him whether he wanted to kiss me. I wasn’t adverse to the idea. He said he wasn’t sure. And I thought, ‘What are the chances there’s someone else like me, and we happened to find each other?’ I laughed at how absurd that was. I think… I think he took it the wrong way. That I laughed at him.” Guilt settled in her, a sour taste in her mouth every time she swallowed. She fucked everything up. A veritable charging druffalo on the streets of Val Royeaux, she was.

“I dunno if he’s like you or not, but he likes you anyway. Gets all starry-eyed when your back is turned. It’s kinda cute. I think that’ll stay unless you don’t explain yourself. If you let him think you laughed at him too long, it’ll get in and you’ll never get it out. So go talk to him, yeah?” Sera shook her again, a bit harder this time, and Irene very nearly moaned as another knot unwound.

“Yeah,” she breathed. “Yeah, I need to fix it.” She stood up and started for the ladder.

The rogue blinked. “What, right now? It’s the middle of the night! Won’t he be—”

Irene paused on the top rung. It had disturbed her, when she realized just how little sleep her Commander was running on, but she knew he got even less when he was anxious. All the more reason to fix it. “He’ll be awake, Sera. He always is.”

“Yeah but—”

She heard Sera sigh from above her head; she was already down the ladder and across the floor. “Thanks Sera! You’re a good friend,” she called as she yanked the door open and let a gust of snow-swirling wind inside. She didn’t mind. Made as she was for warmer climes, her blood thrummed with giddy anticipation and the cold couldn’t affect her in such a mood.

“You’re frigging right,” Sera yelled back, just before Irene slammed the door shut behind her.

I hc Cullen as demisexual/heteroromantic. My Inquisitor Irene is demisexual/demiromantic. I myself am elsewhere on the ace spectrum, so please do let me know if I made any glaring or not-so-glaring errors.

You may be thinking there’s a greater story here, and hoo boy there is. I haven’t finished it yet, though, and Dragon Age Aspec Week inspired me to write this out of order. So it may be retconned later, as I am wont to do. Suffice to say, Irene is a warrior Trevelyan who has on more than one occasion been likened to a charging druffalo. Mostly by other people, though she does have the self-awareness to point it out herself.

[chimepunk]

What novels or book series would you recommend?

oh fuckin boy dude so many. 90% of what i read is either gay or scifi/fantasy or both, and some are technically for a younger audience but still great, so thats what most of this is which hopefully you’re cool with here goes

this got super long so i’m putting it under a cut. bolded titles are the ones that i’m super recommending, though i love them all

novels

the coldest girl in coldtown by holly black - vampires! a trans character! a bi character! one of the most novel approaches to vampires in fiction that i’ve seen! 10/10 would recommend

the darkest part of the forest by holly black - again, holly black is one of my favorite authors. this one’s got faeries (the proper vaguely unsettling kind that i’m all about) magical music, girls embracing their sexuality, girls being knights, interesting sibling dynamics, and a super cute m/m pairing

les miserables by victor hugo - ok yeah, it’s like 1400 pages long and historical fiction, but i love les mis a lot ok. it’s gotta be on this list just because it owns my ass. it’s like a old drunk french man trying to tell you about the june rebellion but he keeps getting distracted by things like people’s personal lives, the intricacies of the parisian underworld, and how much he wants to fuck the sewers. it’s wonderful

the night circus by erin morgenstern - magical circus that mysteriously appears for days at a time and then vanishes? a competition between young magicians drawn out for years? a wide variety of fascinating side characters? (i will say that the synopsis available for the book is somewhat misleading, as it’s actually less about our two protags and more about the circus itself. but that’s what makes it so enchanting)

the song of achilles by madeleine miller - retelling of patroclus and achilles story to be explicitly romantic. will make you feel like you’re floating on clouds and then rapidly crush your soul. sort of a happy ending? but it’s still a tragedy. their ending is the same as it was in the illiad so if you’re not prepared for that then maybe don’t read

good omens by neil gaiman and terry pratchett - a demon who’s not very good at being a demon and an angel who just wants to collect his books in peace thank you very much try to sabotage the end of times. absolutely hilarious

fairy and folktales of the irish peasantry by w.b. yeats - the best collection of irish faerie stories by one of my favorite poets. if you like creepy and tricky faeries i would def recommend checking these out

rootabaga stories by carl sandburg - another collection of folktales, this time inspired by the american midwest. kinda weird, kinda zany, very neat

the poison eaters by holly black - a short story collection of faery stories that are sometimes creepy, sometimes touching, sometimes gay. my personal favorite is about a library science student who finds a book collection where the characters come out at night and interact, but they’re all really great

series:

alex rider adventures by anthony horowitz - teenager gets recruited by MI6 as a spy, has incredibly high success rate, gets pretty fucked up along the way but damn those one liners tho, maybe have some self preservation alex? just a thought

all for the game by nora sakavic - about a fake sport called exy that’s kind of like indoor lacrosse but more violent. contains: crime families, found families, an aspec protag, girls kicking ass, unhealthy levels of sass, wonderful slowburn m/m that you can’t even see coming for a long while, and a happy ending for everyone!! i came for the gays and ended up reading all three books in two days. also you can get the whole series for less than five bucks on kindle! (note: tw for rape, physical abuse, torture, ptsd, child abuse, drug use, alcoholism, some use of slurs, mentions of past self harm, mental illness)

artemis fowl by eoin colfer - more faeries, but this time they live underground and are way more technologically advanced than humans. the first book focuses on our anti-hero trying to catch one and steal their gold, and they quickly become allies and solve faerie related cases together!! one of my favorite series growing up, and i cried in the middle of the hallway at school when i finished the last book

camp half-blood series by rick riordan - does rick riordan write a lot of mythology books? yes. do i love them all? yes. neurodivergent kids! kids from a huge range of racial and ethnic backgrounds! queer kids! collect them all! ft. greco-roman mythology and a lot of stupid jokes

emelan series by tamora pierce - ok this is easily one of my favorite series of all time. non-western high fantasy setting (picture greece/turkey, china, tibet, mongolia, scandinavia, etc type settings), following four young mages who have unique kinds of magic as they train and grow their skills and become powerful in their own right. only one of the kids is definitely white (jury’s still out on sandry), one is a lesbian, one is ace, one is pan, all four are raised by a loving f/f couple, body diversity, one of the best found families i’ve ever read, feminism, discussion of racism, classism, cultural identity, war, and so much more. it’s so so good and so under-appreciated please read all of the emelan books 

the dark is rising sequence by susan cooper - full disclosure i have not finished this series yet but i’ve re-read the first book a million times. it’s a neat take on arthurian mythology, with dark forces trying to take over and kids getting shit done

diviners by libba bray - psychic teenagers in 1920s new york! i’m a slut for prohibition, but these are also super fun and have likable and real characters, and doesn’t only focus on wealthy white people having parties which is nice. the occult! government conspiracies! historical references! genuinely scary situations! it’s rad!

the enchanted forest chronicles by patricia c. wrede - i adore this series so so much. it’s about a princess who’s father keeps telling her that she can’t have hobbies like fencing or cooking or conjugating latin verbs because they’re unladylike and insists that she marry this doofus prince that she couldn’t care less about. so she runs away and volunteers to work for a dragon and proceeds to send away all the princes that try to rescue her. it’s genuinely funny, has a really neat magic system in the later books, great female friendships, cats, dragons who have no time for your gender roles, and wizards who are the most ridiculous group of antagonists you will ever see

the infernal devices by cassandra clare - i really really do not like the author of this series but it also broke me so it must go on the list. if you’re familiar with the mortal instruments or shadowhunters on freeform, it’s set in that universe in the 1870s in london and it’s very steampunk and very angsty and it made me cry a lot

the kane chronicles by rick riordan - see: camp half-blood series but egyptian

fablehaven by brandon mull - oooooh fuck me up i love this series. this is another one meant for slightly younger readers but all of brandon mull’s series are so wildly imaginative and i’m a slut for world building so. the premise is basically that there are secret preserves all over the world that house magical creatures, and five of these preserves have vaults with artifacts that when brought together make a key to this massive demon prison. an evil society called the society of the evening star is trying to get the artifacts to open the prison, and a different group who is allied with the preserves called the knights of the dawn is trying to get to them first to prevent this from happening. there are dragons, light and dark powers, crazy convoluted vaults to get through, and some really cool creatures and characters

beyonders by brandon mull - this guy again! this one’s about a parallel world called lyrian that people on earth can only get to through small liminal windows, and usually can’t get back through. the story follows two kids, jason and rachel, who get stuck in lyrian and end up becoming major members of the resistance against the evil emperor maldor. just like fablehaven, the world building is insane and you’ll fall in love with all the characters. this is yet another series that made me cry in the middle of class when i finished it

the kingkiller chronicle by patrick rothfuss - this is series is long as all fuck and the last book isn’t out yet but it’s my #1 favorite series of all time. i found out about it bc a cashier at a local grocery store held up the line to write it down for me and i never went back. parts of it are achingly, hauntingly beautiful, other parts are hilarious enough to leave you in stitches, others make you want to pull your hair out. there’s sass, recklessness, beautiful and deadly girls, an overwhelming love and emphasis on the importance of music and storytelling, magic that’s more like science, ethnic adversity, student loans, a thing that might be a cow or might be a dragon depending on who you ask, and more quotable lines than you could dream of. the audiobook by nick podehl is also fabulous, and lin manuel miranda is producing and adapting it for the screen and maybe stage at some point in the future!

a modern faerie tale by holly black - guys. i love holly black. almost everything she’s ever written is on this list. this one is fairly self explanatory by the title, but it’s gritty and dark and has those lovely creepy faeries that she’s so great at writing. also a surprising m/m couple in the last book, both of whom are characters in the other two installments. (tw for drug use/addiction, brief sexual assault, and probably other things that i can’t remember right now)

the raven cycle by maggie stiefvater - also in my top 3 favorite series of all time, i cannot begin to describe this series. i first read it while up in the nc mountains which improved the experience to a surprising degree, but it’s stuck with me for the last several years. basically 5 teenagers go in search of a dead welsh king, but along the way there is magic, psychics, ghosts, a sentient forest, dreams becoming reality, curses, teenage shenanigans, classic cars, swearing, church, kisses and not kisses, illict hand holding, a baby crow, bisexuality, a death list, hitmen, and nicknames and it will consume your heart before you know what’s happening to you (tw child abuse, implied sexual assault, substance abuse, dissociation, mentions of past suicide attempts, body horror, gore, and disturbing scenes esp. in the last book)

six of crows by leigh bardugo - a team of criminals band together to break into an impossible fortress, fall in love, con an entire city, and get rich. set in the same universe as the grisha trilogy (which is also good but not as good as soc), this is basically a heist followed by a con, but pulled off by ruthless teenagers and with the help of magic

curseworker trilogy by holly black - crime families, magic that can only done through touch so everyone wears gloves, moral ambiguity, and a twisted romance. one of holly black’s best and most underrated series

baccano! by ryohgo narita - this is a japanese light novel series which has been adapted into an anime, but is much more extensive in print. the plot is extremely convoluted, but an absolute ride spanning several centuries, although the bulk of it is in the 1930s in nyc and chicago. there’s an elixir of immortality, crime families, trains, a solipsistic assassin and his mute assassin gf, serial killers, a demon with a catch phrase, murder, explosions, adorable couples, gambling, a gang leader named jacuzzi who is always terrified, killer corporations, and much much more

no.6 by asuka asano - another japanse series, this time focusing on two boys, one who grew up in a utopian city, the other who grew up outside the walls after the city destroyed his life. they meet when they’re 12 years old, and several years later, they’re reunited when the outsider rescues the city boy from arrest. they, along with a pimp and a nonbinary dog hotel owner, try to expose and overthrow the government. also ft. drag performances, mice who like shakespeare, killer bees, and boys falling in love.

the merlin saga by t.a. barron - my favorite take on arthurian mythology, chronicling merlin as he comes into his power. there’s a vividly magical island, giants, amulets, talking trees, stones that will try to swallow you, a swamp witch, celtic deities, huge wicker hats, poetry, new kinds of fruit, people that are also deer, and human’s long lost wings.

[theadhdace-blog]

“Wait, the A isn’t for Allies?”: Part 1 - The Privilege Check TM

(okay, yes, shut up, I don’t know how to make the trademark symbol happen on an iPad)

tl;dr I have passing privilege and experience significantly less systematic discrimination for my orientation/the way I present. That gives me responsibilities when interacting with and advocating for/defending the lgbtqia+ community.

HI INTERNET, I’M ASEXUAL AND PANROMANTIC

Yeah, I know, you never would have guessed from my blog header. But exactly three people know this in real life, so it’s fun to feel like I can, like, all-caps yell about it.

But in figuring out that asexuality is even a ~thing~, I’ve a) learned a lot about both the aspec community and the queer/lgbtqia+ community as a whole and b) done a lot of soul searching. Do I fit in one community? Both? Neither? If I do, how? Where is my place? What is my role? As a white, cisgender woman in a relationship with a white, cisgender man (I know, I know, but please stick with me...) obviously the FIRST responsibility I have is to WHAT?

check. that. privilege.

If I am to participate in the lgbtqia+ community, discourse, Pride, etc., I HAVE to be aware of the fact that, while I definitely have struggled because of my sexual/romantic orientations (see Part 2, ~coming soon to own on VHS~) my struggles are not the same in type or degree to those of nonbinary folx, trans people, polyamorous people, or lesbians/gays, to name just a few. And while queerness isn’t a pissing contest of who has it worse, or a game of misery poker, intersectionality is key. I can’t enter a space made to protect and nurture those society shits on and expect them to do emotional labor on my behalf. No ma’am. So while the points I’m about to make may apply to other pan/ace friends, they are not meant to be representative of every pan/ace person’s privilege/lack thereof.

*There are significantly, drastically fewer systematic injustices/abuses toward me. I happen to be romantically committed to the embodiment of American privilege right now, a cishet white guy. I can openly walk down the street with him, I got married to him, we own a home together, and people expect us to have children (the fact that we don’t want them right now is a privilege itself - we are childless by choice, not because of any biological factors or systematic discrimination). Society as a whole didn’t bat an eye about ANY of these things. I don’t have to worry about getting fired or denied services, funds, or housing based on who I love right now. And if I were single, I still wouldn’t have to worry, because being ace doesn’t really leave a paper trail (if I ignore the pan part).

*I have passing privilege that affects my interactions with individual people as well. No, there’s not one way to look to correctly be femme/masc/gay/trans/etc., but the people who cause grief for lgbtqia+ people tend to think they can tell someone’s orientation by looking at them. This creates tons of abuse for some people and erasure for others, as well as being fodder for jokes and microaggressions. But because I present primarily the way society as a whole wants to slot “femmes” into and I am cisgender, I don’t get bothered. Nobody asks if I’m in the right bathroom, commits physical violence against me, or hurls verbal abuse at me that is based on my orientation (catcalling and sexual assault yes, but that’s usually a sexism/woman thing for me - again, that will come up in part 2, because a subset isn’t).

I’m sure I’ll think of more, and there are details and nuances I may not have mentioned. But these are HUGE factors when considering how I do/do not fit into queer spaces. These mean that my time, energy, and resources are much more available than those of more marginalized and discriminated-against folx, no matter what label(s) they have. Which in turn means, in my interpretation, I have a much bigger responsibility to advocate, to educate, to protest and fight for the rights of the lgbtqia+ community and societal change than do people without my advantages. I do feel like I should have less responsibility/burden than those considering themselves straight cishet allies, though, which I’ll get into in Part 2. But do I truly have a place in the lgbtqia+ community? Can I celebrate at Pride? It depends on who you ask, and not many people seem to be asking me or those like me to be part of that conversation.

Edited to add:

Obviously my ace/pan experience is very different from that of someone who is also gender non-conforming in one way or another, is a POC, and/or is disabled AND/OR is in a partnership/relationship with anyone who is, or that of an ace/pan person in any relationship that doesn’t read as heteronormative.

Also, checking my privilege includes being open to discourse and learning from others with different experiences. It means remembering that pushback from those more marginalized than I may not be personal/acephobic even, but like “reverse racism” - I embody and benefit from a lot of characteristics they see in their oppressors. Am I listening? Am I being respectful? Am I making sure they feel heard and understood as to their discomfort/concerns about my inclusion/participation, and considering how our experiences differ? This is not to say blatantly acephobic language should be accepted or tolerated, but that I should take with a grain of salt what does or doesn’t qualify as such.