#can never decide how to portray the player outside of the little red heart

[braisedhoney]

conference (confidant)

someone find a vessel someone find a vessel someone find a vessel someone find a

[forthehpfanboys]

Quidditch and T

Pair: Ron Weasley x Reader; he/him; transmasculine reader.

Summary: Harry surprises Ron with tickets to the Quidditch World Cup after the war, after Hermione and after finding out Ron has a crush on the first professional trans masculine the Chudley Canons or the World Cup has ever seen. 

Warnings: Swearing, Alcohol, tiny amount of transphobia?? super long, focuses on Ron more than it should, super long and probably really bad.

Notes: Trans masculine reader again! We love to see it- No one asked for this but I liked the idea. Also, Ron has long hair because I love him and Harry is a good friend. The bestest of friends.

~DO NOT REPOST ANYWHERE~

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Even with the second wizarding war years behind them, everyone struggled to regain control over themselves. Loved ones were lost far too soon, strained relationships came crashing down and businesses all but shattered like glass, but that was a year or two after. Families were beginning to recover and move forward, but some struggled. It was only natural, that was why the Ministry decided to bring at least a tiny bit of normality back to everyone's life with the Quidditch World Cup. They thought it would bring some light in the barely lit times everyone lived in.

While life for some was morphing back to a semi stable state, times were transitioning to a new era. Of course, no one batted an eye or fought against her when the Hermione Jean Granger demanded rights for wizards, witches and sorcerers who were, for lack of a better word, different. Not after everything she’d done for the world with Harry Potter and Ron Weasley and especially not after S.P.E.W.  The world really was shifting for the better.

She created two acts for equality. If house elves can have it, why can’t magical humans who just- feel different. Hermione called it S.P.L.A.T.E.R, also known as Sorcerers Lover Protection Against The Everyday Routine, and it was meant to protect wizards and witches who desire relationships with the same sex against discrimination. The talented witch went on to create a similar movement against portraying gender and identity; The Sorcerer’s Typical Identity or Gender May Alter Shield, better known as S.T.I.G.M.A.S. Both were very welcomed by the public, which happened a good year before the game would be returning, and that led to you gaining your dream job.

You were able to join the Chudley Cannons, your dream team despite their reputation. You were naturally talented on a broom and weren’t afraid to pull some risky stunts to get the golden snitch, plus it fueled your ego to hear the crowd gasp, go silent then cheer loud enough to be heard from Mars. The team and their fans didn’t care that you were the only trans masculine player, in fact, they loved you! The team was very proud to have you be their seeker and it was even better when the Cannons got into the World Cup. You basically carried the team, and they fucking knew it.

Your face made the front page almost weekly, quoting comments from your games and showing off your merchandise like it was no big deal. While you caught the attention of many wizards, witches and magical humans in between, there was one who was absolutely fascinated, maybe borderline obsessed, with you. You somehow stuck in his head, causing him to repaint his room in his shared flat bright orange just like his childhood bedroom. The ex-auror even went as far as getting your newly printed poster. He would glance at it when he was writing letters to his mother, but then would spend a good few solid minutes staring at it, daydreaming about meeting  you and lose track of time. Life got a little harder with the moving poster in his room. Of course you had no idea the famous Ron Weasley was a die-hard fan of yours.

The youngest Weasley son ended up being the first out of three up everyday just to read the newest info about (Y/n) ‘Point Breaker’ (L/n) and the rest of the team. He didn’t want to admit it, but he knew enough about you to be considered a borderline stalker and couldn’t help but spew facts about you to his twin brothers. Those very twins would tease him about his newly found crush but were secrealty very happy that he was getting over his heart break.

Ron and Hermione, more Hermione, had decided splitting and remaining friends was better for them, leading to the poor bloke locked in the spare room of his older brother's flat for a solid week. They told everyone it was mutual, but it was clear to Fred, George and Harry that it was most definitely not a decision that they were both fond of. Harry could still remember the frantic howler he got from Fred and George saying their little brother all but stopped functioning as a human.

He only started eating and showering once he heard the team was up and running again. He figured that was why Harry showed up to the flat one afternoon with tickets to the sold out game. When Ron asked his best mate how he got them, he just smiled and said something about knowing people and favors being exchanged. The ticket was more like a bandage encased in clear plastic and stuck to a lanyard, which is what Ron was fiddling with the day of the game when his best friend suddenly appeared in the middle of the flat.

“Bloody hell, Harry!” Ron screeched out as he steadied himself in his chair. His hand gripped at the shirt on his chest and chose to ignore the head rushing to his cheeks. “Could’ve sent me a warning!” He let out a slow sigh, trying to steady his rapid heart beat. 

“Where’s the fun in that?” Harry laughed out. The professor had his hands in his jacket pocket, a sly grin across his face. “Come on then! Game’s gonna be starting soon!” The raven haired male all but yaned his freckle covered friend out of the chair.

“Ok! Ok, sheesh. Let me grab a jacket.” The red-head knew this was going to be a game that leaked late into the night. Both teams were itching to get the trophy and forget about their troubles- It was gonna be absolutely beautiful. 

Grabbing his coat and reaching into the pocket, Ron pulled out an elastic band and put his hair up into a messy bun quickly before tucking the jacket into his arm. He walked over to Harry, who was gazing at the photo-covered walls of the flat.

“If you want, I can take ca-” Harry was cut off by Ron grabbed his hand.

“No, it’s fine. I like it like this.” Ron shook his head back and forth causing the messy ball to swap back and forth. “Come on. You were the one rushing us.” Harry let out a simple chuckle before apperating them to the field. 

“Tadah!” Harry did a fancy little wave, gesturing to the crowded field and began to make his way down the hell, passing by the old boot. Ron looked down at it as they passed before looking back at his best friend.

“Damn, it has been far too long.” Ron sighed out. A smile broke out across his face when he saw little kids running around with paint covered faces and happy couples sharing tea outside of their tents. “Do we have a tent?” 

“Nope, won’t be needing one this time around.” Harry shoved his hands in his pants pocket.

“No ten- Blimey, Harry, this is a game! This is going to go on for hours-”

“Ron-” 

“Won’t need it my arse. Hours, Harry. Where are we going to sit? The damp ground?” Ron was flaring his hands about.

“We get to spend our time in the Minister’s Box, Ron, relax.” Harry shook his head in mock disapproval before adjusting his glasses and moving forward. 

“Minister’s Box-” Ron’s voice stuttered out.

“Yeah! Isn’t that cool? We’re gonna be in the middle of the action!” Harry waved to a child who had recognized him with a smile.

“Ministry box-” Ron was’t used to such luguries, even after working with his brothers at their shop. Harry figured he’d never get used to being spoiled like this. It made him choke back a soft snicker.

“Yes, Ronald, the Minister’s Box, now hurry up! I told them we’d get there before the game started so we can chat.” Harry grabbed the lagging boy’s wrist and proceeded to maneuver through the crowd with him. 

“How did ya score this, Harry?” Ron all but yelled over the crowd. Once Harry dragged them through the crowd and to the front doors of the stadium, he spoke up.

“Remember when we went on that assignment to stop LeStrange again? Just before her Dementors Kiss about a month before we quit?” He handed the ticketier his lanyard to check over. Ron did the same before they both entered.

“Yeah? What about it?” Ron’s blue eyes glanced across the crowded inside. Gods, it really had been a while since he’d been here. It felt normal, like he almost hadn’t lost Fred to an explosion, like Harry’s life wasn’t on the line everyday, like every day wasn’t terrifying. Ron turned his attention back to his friend when he spoke up again.

“Well just before that, I went on a loner mission. This one involved taking care of some dark witch who was claiming she could bring back the dead and threatened to bring back Voldemort and the Death Eaters, so they sent me down to check it out.” Harry led him to an elevator, where the gate opened allowing the pair to step in. There was an exhausted looking male standing in uniform, most likely a worker from the Ministry himself. “Ministers Box, kind sir. Thank you.” The gate closed with a shuttering rattle and soon they were moving upward. Green eyes turned back to blue to finish the story. “Anyway, turns out she was actually trying to resurrect the noseless twat, but instead of over time or promotion, I asked for this and the best seats in the house. Figured this would be a good gift for you.”

“Gift? Harry, bud, mate, my fuckin best friend.” Ron placed a hand on Harry’s shoulder. “You didn’t have to do this for me. You’ve already done your fair share of helping me. Blimey, I’m not worth this.”

The gate opened again, allowing the two ex-aurors to step out but not before tossing a few sickles to the poor man who looked bored out of his mind. Ron casted him a short wave before he was sent back down.

“You deserve more than a crummy game and a nice seat, Ronnie. You literally helped me destroy Voldemort.”

“I didn’t do that much and besides it’s not a crummy game!” Ron took his hand away from Harry's shoulder. They walked down the short hallway to the door leading to their seats, but paused just before opening it. “That’s fuckin wild, isn’t it?” Ron grumbled out. “Was she smooched by a Dementor in the end?” 

“Yup. All her research was swiped and burned. Anyone and everyone she knew was obliviated. Now enough talk about old work, let’s relax.” Harry spoke before opening the door and allowed Ron to walk in first. 

The room was bigger than Gred and Forge’s flat, Ron was sure of it. It had silvery blue walls and a huge open window in the front, showing off the screaming fans and showed the entire field which held the perfect view. He couldn’t help his eyes from darting across the fancy black leather seats and the buckets of ice holding expensive bottles of wine, flasks of firewhiskey and glass pitchers giggle water and suddenly Ron wanted to cry and simultaneously brag to Malfoy. Sure, he hadn’t seen the blonde in a year or so but it’d be nice. The red-head didn’t realise he was drifting toward the giant window until someone spoke up, snapping him out of his thoughts. 

“Ah! Mr. Potter! Mr. Weadley, I’m so glad you could make it!” A wizard dressed in a suit came scurrying over, his chapeign glass almost overflowing with foam.

“It’s Weasley, actually.” Harry didn't hesitate to speak up. “But of course! I was thrilled when Ron decided to come with me! I couldn’t have caught that witch without him. Anyway, where will we be seated?” Harry was using his Auror Voice™ while Ron stood there, trying to recall how on earth he helped his best friend with a case he wasn’t even on.

“I did wh-?” Ron was interrupted.

“Ah. My apologies. Of course, of course.” The man in the suit adjusted his tie before gesturing to the window in the front with his glass.. “Front row, just as you requested.” He took a sip from his glass before walking off to the seat he came from, talking to the witch next to him. 

Harry thanked the man before grabbing Ron’s wrist and bringing him over to their seats. He sat Ron at the seat right in the middle of the big opening. Harry could actually see his friends blue eyes gloss over with tears, causing Harry to chuckle into his hand.  It was so worth fighting that witch and staying in St. Mungos for a week with a concussion, broken hand and a stupid spell that nearly killed him.

“Bloody fucking hell, Harry. What did you do to get these seats?” Ron’s voice did little to hide his excitement. Harry released a chuckle over his friend's excitement, but the sound got louder when Ron literally threw his jacket haphazardly onto the seat only for it to fall to the tiled floor.

“I already told you. Don’t worry about it.” Harry took his seat as he grabbed a bottle of wine from the ice bucket on the coffee table at their feet. He examined the label before nodding his head and popping open the cork.

“Wish I had a camera. Ginny would’ve loved this.” Ron walked past the table to the window, resting his hands on the railing and leaning over, looking across the field.

“Ron, she’s a professional coach-” Harry rolled his eyes, testing the wine with a small sip. He set the dark, tall bottle down on the table with a clank.

“Fred and George then.” Ron turned back to his friend and walked over, plopping himself down in his seat with confidence. Harry snorted, almost dropped his drink all over himself. This was therapeutic; he got to spend time with his best friend without the ever looming death threat of Nose-less Snakey Man breathing down his neck. 

“Yes, I’m sure their jealous tears could flood the shop.” Harry’s voice was filled with sarcasm and it had Ron laughing too. Harry checked his watch while the giggling red-head grabbed an empty glass at the table in front of them and poured himself a shot of firewhiskey. “It’s about 5:53. Game should be starting at 6 something.” He turned to Ron, casting him a smile while he brought his glass to his lips. “Wanna talk about your newest boyfriend or should I ask him for the details myself?”

Ron almost spat out his drink, his hand coming up quickly to catch the dribbles falling off his lips. Blood rushed to his cheeks, ears and before he knew it, he was bright red. He wiped his hands on his jeans, his bottom lip drawn between his teeth.

“I’m sorry, my what? Harry, I’d be lucky if he gave me the time of day let alone be my boyfriend!” Ron ran his hands through his hair, his eyes cast downward into his drink. “I mean, have you seen me lately?” He gestured to himself. “I’m a bloody mess. He could do better anyway.”

“You’re not a mess, Ron, anything but. In fact, you’re probably more put together than I am. Ginny would beg to differ, but I’m sure it’s true.” Harry shook his head in disapproval before taking another sip from his glass. “Besides, you’re a good guy. You did get Mione to fall for you and you are kinda well known, aren't you? I say you got a better chance than most.” Once the niorette male finished, he turned to look at his friend who nodded his head in silent agreement before deciding to change the topic.

“How is Gin, by the way?” 

Harry answered with a long explanation that she was good, but one of her chaser’s kept giving her trouble and didn’t believe Ginny was good for the team. The Harpies would be starting their first game soon and Ron made a note to buy a ticket. The questions came around to his brothers, of course, so Ron 

“Hey! Good for them!” Harry refilled his drink once it was finished and put the glass back in the ice bucket. “And good for you.” Harry checked his watch again when it beeped out, indicating the change in hour. “Game time!” 

The room went silent as the minister walked over to the window, doing his usual speech, but no one was really listening. Ron's legs were bouncing with excitement while his eyes looked across the white, green and orange fans waving flags. Ron should’ve known it would've been the Kenmare Kestrels duking it out against the Chudleys Cannons.

The crowds were going absolutely ballistic over the Kestrels and the screaming only seemed to get louder once the Cannon’s made their appearance. He watched the players zoom past the window, felt the air rush past him and before he could control himself, Ron was back at the railing, practically leaning over. His eyes bounced around the orange and black colored players for the new seeker.

“Harry!” Ron gestured pathetically behind him. “Harry! Come here! Look-” Ron pointed across the field to the seeker who was taking circles in the middle, taking in the crowd. He couldn’t help but stare at your confident smirk as you pulled the goggles over your eyes, casting the crowd a wink. The red-head basically melted.

“Godric, your smitten, aren’t you?” Harry was leaning against the railing next to his friend, his glass still in hand. A smirk came across his lips when his friend turned red again.

“Shut it.”

“You a Cannon fan, Mr.Wealsey?” 

The two ex-aurors turned to see the man who approached them earlier coming to Ron’s free side. The man held a cocky grin and a new drink in his hand, most likely giggle water. The red-head turned back to the game once the whistle sounded.

“Yeah. Have been for years.” Ron didn’t take his eyes off the field.

“Huh, even with their sour reputation? I’m more of a Bats fan, myself. Wouldn’t count this game in favor of the Chudley’s though, new seeker and all.” The man scoffed before sipping his drink. “Good seekers are hard to find. Hogwarts was lucky to have you though, Mr. Potter. Should’ve played Quidditch professionally, if you ask me.”

The two males shared a look with each other and came to the conclusion it’d be better to not fight the man on his clearly biased opinion and clear ass kissing. The pair gazed on, ignoring the crowd forming behind them the longer the game went on. Ron almost shoved his friend over when the announcer yelled you spotted the snitch. Ron blinked and you were standing on your broom, balancing perfectly, leaned over, golden snitch just a few inches from your fingertips.

“He’s a risky bloke, isn’t he?” Harry spoke up, hands going to his chaotic locks. “Gdoric, he’s gonna fall!” He squealed out when your foot shifted just a little too far on the broom.

“He’s bonkers.” Sir Pompous sneered out over his fancy drink, causing Ron to audible groan. 

“Sod off, will you?” Ron was so fucking sick of this man. “Stop bein’ pissy he has more balls than you and he was born without them.” He shot the suited wizard a glare before turning back to the game.  He let out a cheer when you finally grasped the snitch, plopping yourself down on the broom. The freckled male turned to Sir Pompous and smirked. “So.. Wouldn’t put this game in their favor, huh?”

The wizard turned on his heel, grumbling what the two friends assumed to be insults as he walked shamefully to his seat. Harry and Ron clinked glasses, giggling like school girls as they took a victory shot. They sat back in their seats, discussing games and just over all basking in the win. 

“Godric, I could get used to living like this.” Ron sat back, spreading his legs and just feeling confident. Harry rolled his eyes.

“I can’t afford to do this all the time, Ron.”

“I can dream, can’t I?” Ron didn’t blink twice when the door to the ministers box opened or when two voices spoke up. He was busy relaxing.

“It’s an honor to meet you, Coach Dorkins! The Chudley’s have always been my favorite-” The same kiss ass from earlier, spewing the same pompous bullshit as earlier. Ron was gonna fake a gag, but he hesitated. Coach Dorkins? Coach of the- of his favorite team? 

“Ah, well, thank you, but I’m just here to drop off Point Breaker.” As your coach went on with his arm now wrapped around you. Ron whipped around, his jaw was dropping to the floor. “Got a favor to fill in for an old friend. Ah, there he is! Potter!”

“Nice to see you again.” Harry stood up and shook hands with the coach. Ron’s blue eyes bounced between his old friend, his favorite coach and his favorite player. What the fuck was going on? Ron shrunk into his seat when you glanced over. He was acutely aware of his messy outfit and hair and- did he brush his teeth? “Ah! I should introduce you to my good friend, Ronald Weasley-” Harry waved over to his friend, a smile on his face. Ron stood up as well, but almost fell into his chair when he saw you shaking hands with his old friend and suddenly everyone was turning to him.

“Uh-hi-” When did his voice get all high pitched and creaky again. He cleared his throat, wiping his hands on his jeans before shaking hands with the coach. “Sorry, big fan.” 

Dorkins shook his head, saying how he understood between deep chuckles. The male then turned to you, who was standing by his side. He introduced you to the red-head while you held a similar, nervous smile on your face. You held your hand out as you spoke up finally. 

“I know all about you, Mr. Weasley. Well, no not- Wait, not everything like.. Like everything everything, like um- I.. well- Ok, let me start again.” You cleared your throat, shaking the ex-aurors hand. “Hi, I’m (Y/n). I’m a fan, Mr. Weasley.”

Ron was just kinda shaking your hand, confusion filled in his brain. He was just running over your rambling and was so confused. 

“You’re a fan of me?”

“The famous auror? Of course!” You were grinning now and he found himself just staring at you. The two of you missed how Potter and Dorkins were chuckling about star struck fans and wondered somewhere else in the room.

“You played great today-” Ron almost blurted out, his voice turning prepubescent again.

“Thank you! You don’t think it was too much? Too flashy?” 

“No, no, I’d say it has the perfect amount of flash.” Ron shot you a lopsided smile. The smile allowed you to relax some, the star struck tension between the two of you almost dispersing completely as you joked back and forth. You soon found yourself sitting in Harry's abandoned seat, chatting away like you had been friends since your school years. 

“So then- then- hold on, stop laughing-Haha! No, shh! We stole my dad's car just to save him! My brothers didn’t even try to talk me out of it! The only thing my older brother said was “yeah, get the car. We’re gonna find out if it’s considered kidnapping if we’re children"! Mum really chewed us out when we got back that mornin’!” Ron finished his 7th story that night while you were enjoying a nice glass of cold water. You couldn’t get over his terrible impressions of his brothers. More than a few times his stories led to you almost choking on your drink or just letting out a loud laugh.

You told him some stories about your life at home too and only got encouraged by his snickering behind his own drink. You were so open with him, telling him stories of quidditch practice and the strange gifts you got from fans, his favorite being a bra with your face hand painted on it. 

More time passed by as you chatted, finally coming around to just playing 20 questions just day to day stuff. Now, it was your turn to ask a question and honestly, the game shouldn’t even be called 20 questions, it was more like 500 questions.

“Ok. Ok. Is it true that you had a thing for Krum?” You grinned when his cheeks turned red. “I heard from a chaser that you were here when we got on the field and our  keeper was willing to bet his life on this rumor that you had a fling with Krum.” 

“N-no, no fling! Just uh- more of a sexual awakening, if you will.” Ron snorted out, rubbing the back of his neck. His eyes turned away from yours for the first time that night, casting his gaze out across the empty field.

“Ooh! What is the great Ron Weasley’s sexual preference?” You leaned forward, your grin turning to a teasing smirk. You put a hand on his shoulder when he started stuttering over his words. “Come on! You can tell me! I don’t spill secrets.”

“Would hot quidditch players be an acceptable answer?” Ron was playing with a spare ponytail holder on his wrist now, his face turning redder.

“I’d say so.” You smiled, setting down your water glass. 

“What about you?”

“What?”

“I told you mine. It’s only fair, Point Breaker. Spill it.” It was Ron’s turn to get cocky as you blushed. 

“May or may not be hot ex-aruros, but who’s keeping track.” You were not going to admit you’d been fanboying over the red-head since his face came across the Daily Profit. While he knew a lot about your game stats and quotes, you knew about the dark wizards he fought against, how he helped Granger and Potter and decided fighting was too much.

“Oh really?”

“I said maybe. Don’t get cocky. Besides, I could mean Harry-”

“I have a feeling you don’t mean him.”

“Well, what are you going to do about it?”

“How about a date?” Ron leaned back in his chair, gauging your reaction. He mentally sighed when you didn’t appear grossed out or scared.

“Hmm, let me think. “ You pretended to count stuff on your fingers before smiling at the red-head. “Leaky Cauldron?”

“Sure! Tuesday?”

“I’m free after 6.”

“Done.”

[lilsunshiny]

Thoughts on The Last Of Us Part II

WRITING (creative process)

the game’s storyline is straight to the point, you can see from the trailer that it’s going to be a timeline about revenge. the whole game happens around joel’s death in the beginning and I guess that’s the whole reason why people are upset. but guess what? neil druckmann’s goal was to make you upset, angry and nostalgic. he accomplished his goal and that’s why you’re feeling the way you are.

you not liking the the way things went down does not mean the game’s writing is awful, it just means you were expecting something and got another. not liking something isn’t a crime and it’s totally ok as long as you respect the creators and don’t use your hate to put others down, it’s a valid opinion and that’s it.

what makes a story good is the writing and the thought put into it to make the player/reader/viewer feel a certain way, and the developers did an incredible job to do that. we feel frustrated, anxious and weird the entire gameplay and that’s exactly what they wanted from us, which means they won. I’ll talk more about my opinion on the storyline far ahead.

the graphic visuals of this game are RIDICULOUS, they’re perfect. every detail is insane to look at, they worked so hard to get it right and it was so worth it. every time I entered a new scenario I would just go into photo mode and appreciate the art because that’s what makes the game unforgettable and groundbreaking. the red lighting scenes were so perfectly made and so badass, the sky when ellie goes outside the farm with JJ is breathtaking just like every other view in the game. by far the most beautiful game I’ve ever had the honor to play.

STORYLINE (joel’s death)

the first game gave us a story about love and hope, making us guide joel into taking ellie to the fireflies looking for a cure based on ellie’s immunity. we spend the whole game thinking we’d get to the fireflies, make a cure and live happily ever after but that never happened in those terms. the gameplay made us slowly fall in love with joel and ellie as characters, joel for his tough personality that would fade under the influence of a little girl and ellie for her nativity and innocence as a young teenager who really wants to help other people by making a cure. that’s the whole situation of it, joel getting attached to ellie while she developed a paternal affection for him but in the end joel ends up doing an unforgivable thing, basically destroying the hope for a cure and ruining all hope for the world to heal from the outbreak, so he decides to lie to ellie blaming the fireflies for everything so he doesn’t lose her trust and love.

I do understand liking and loving joel as a character, myself included, because they made the game thinking about it and they knew the audience would develop a major caring for him and ellie as daughter and father, that’s how it was supposed to go and it worked it.

now let’s talk about joel’s death. I think we were all surprised to watch him die so early in the game but considering the game time and storyline, it would have never happened differently. his death was brutal, violent, merciless and inhuman, abby and her crew tortured him until he couldn’t take it anymore and he obviously suffered with ellie being held to the ground begging them to stop. I agree that it was a horrible death but we can’t just pretend joel was a sweet innocent hero because he wasn’t, the audience portrays him as a hero when he literally stopped the human race from being saved, killing the fireflies and acting out of pure selfishness. joel isn’t the angel some people paint him as, he’s not a good person and if ellie herself could never forgive him for what he did, who are we to do so? she said she would try but she never got the chance to and it took her years to even come to terms with it.

most importantly, it’s obvious that people forget these characters are human beings, not real people but they’re real in that universe and technically speaking, they run and feel the same way we would feel if we were in their shoes. they’re people, every character in the game is a person, with feelings, a background, a past, a personality and thoughts. they’re no different than us except for them living in a post apocalyptic world were morality and ethics aren’t taken into consideration since there is no law or living lifestyle.

for us to understand this storyline, we need to step away from our society’s view of morality and wrong or right, because that does not apply to them, everyone in the game has killed people and/or have done something morally questionable in their life since it’s the apocalypse and there is no wrong or right, there’s only how the characters feel about certain situations and how they act on them, which is basically what guides the entire game to happening the way it did: human feelings.

joel obviously changed after the first game, since he starts living in jackson and having to raise ellie as a daughter in a relatively normal town with other people, he’s not the same person as he was in part I, now he turned into a father and a friend, not a merciless mercenary who doesn’t care about others. we see that when he and tommy decide to help abby, a complete stranger who was about to die in the hands of infected, and maybe that’s what led people into hating abby with their heart. but ending this topic, joel’s death was bound to happen, you can’t just expect someone to destroy the world’s hope for a cure and leave with no people being angry at him and wanting revenge, that cure could’ve saved many people’s loved ones but he chose to save his loved one. if joel is indeed a terrible person or not, that’s up to you to decide, that’s more of an internal turmoil within yourself that is different for everyone depending on their experience from part I and how they view joel in the end. it’s kind of messed up if you think about it, would you let the only person you care about die for a not confirmed chance of a cure in a world that is already doomed? that’s a question for yourself.

joel’s death happened so you could see things from multiple perspectives, which is the whole fucking point of the game. there are multiple sides to every story, it’s the same world we live in except in different circumstances. your actions affect others, people have feelings and if you hurt them they might act a certain way, those characters are no different than us because they were based on genuine human thoughts and actions.

ELLIE (growth and development)

ellie is one of the most well written characters I’ve ever seen in my life. she’s the symbol of badass but fragile woman and that’s so amazing to me. as the game goes by we start seeing many sides of ellie, she slowly starts to turn into a completely different person after joel’s death and her urge for revenge. killing abby becomes her main priority the second she leaves jackson and that’s clear in the way she acts and treats others. I’ll have to play the game again to pay more attention to ellie and abby’s behavior throughout the timeline. ellie is the reflection of how the excessive amount of effort you put into a negative thought, the more it will bring you and your loved ones down. watching ellie during the story is such a nice experience, there are times where you love her to death, others you get annoyed with her or don’t agree with how she acts, and that’s exactly how the creators wanted you to feel. revenge takes ellie’s soul from the inside out, from her not being able to forgive herself for letting joel die to her going after abby for nothing but hate for herself in the end.

ellie’s journey is exciting to play and to witness as her relationship with other people (specially dina) starts to fade away and being consumed by hate and regret. we were manipulated into loving ellie since part I and I don’t think she’s a bad person, she lost everything in the hands of other people and went through a lot, losing joel was a deal breaker for her but she just didn’t realize soon enough that killing abby wasn’t going to make things better. ellie’s gameplay was meant to make you reflect on losing a loved one, grief, mourning and revenge, she’s not the lost kid from part I anymore, she’s a grown woman who just lost her dad and she doesn’t even know exactly why. the funny thing for me, which is what makes the story realistic, is that ellie didn’t fully forgive joel yet she still suffered from losing him and went after abby for revenge, when not even herself could forgive him, that’s pretty realistic in my opinion. it’s the human uncontrollable instinct of still missing someone you’re mad at and not being able to say goodbye.

for me, ellie is the perfect and most detailed reflection of revenge and what it can do to you. the game is much more than “revenge is bad don’t do it”, we all obviously know it’s bad but we still have an urge to fight back against it and make the person who hurt us suffer too because it’s not fair for us and it wasn’t fair for ellie until the very last moment.

ABBY (point of view and perspective)

by far the most controversial character of the game. I’ll star off saying I actually like abby and I think the people who hate her so deeply just didn’t understand how things go. hating abby is no different than hating ellie, they’re in the same situation for almost the entire game. abby lost her father in joel’s hands, she was still a teenager and seeing her own dad die for trying to save humanity isn’t easy, just like ellie watching joel being tortured and killed wasn’t easy. being fully honest ellie would’ve done the same thing abby did if joel was the doctor and we can’t deny that.

on the other hand, I do think the ellie and abby gameplays could’ve been distributed better, maybe switching from ellie to abby and back and forth so it wouldn’t get too tiring or confusing since we don’t know the exact timeline when we first play it. that’s the only slightly negative thing I have to say about the game.

I do think abby is a great character, they built her perfectly to make the audience hate her in the begging, painting her as a sadistic monster only to show her side of the story later on in the game and make you realize that you have been wrong all this time, making you see the bigger picture and understand that ellie isn’t the only person in the world, she isn’t loved by everyone, she’s just a girl in the world and so is abby. they both have fucked up pasts and they both lost a lot, and in terms of personality, they’re actually quite similar. we love ellie because we got to see her grow up and WE know that deep down she’s not a bad person, the first impression we had of abby was of her recklessly killing joel with a golf club when ellie was begging her to stop, since that we tend to think abby is a horrible person and that ellie is an angel, but it’s not like that at all. obviously ellie didn’t do anything wrong up to that moment to justify that happening to her, but ellie isn’t the best person in the world either.

the duality in this game was created on purpose and with a deeper meaning, ellie is ellie, abby is abby and the cycle of revenge goes on until both parts understand that it’s useless to keep going. abby let go before ellie could and let her and dina live because of lev, killing joel didn’t change abby to the better, lev changed her. tommy couldn’t change ellie, jesse couldn’t change ellie and not even dina could do it, ellie had to change and forgive herself alone. the point I’m trying to make is that abby is no better than ellie and ellie is no better than abby, they’re both emotionally drained women who are not wrong or right in the end of things.

DINA (support and reflection)

dina is the only character I will 100% defend because she’s flawless and did absolutely nothing wrong during the whole game. in my head she represents ellie’s good side, dina is the constant reminder that ellie hasn’t lost her humanity and hasn’t completely changed into someone else because of revenge, even when she has her downs (example: calling her a burden when dina says she’s pregnant). dina is the most forgiving and loyal character, she loves ellie more than anything and it shows. the sad part of it is that even with dina’s huge amount of love and affection, that doesn’t stop ellie from going in the wrong direction, which brings us to another life lesson: loving someone is a choice you make everyday and nobody can control your choices when you’re determined to do something.

ellie decided to go after abby, dina followed and supported her the whole way through, then she took that for granted and left dina and JJ behind to go after abby again (after abby let her and dina live) officially breaking dina’s heart. that was a choice, dina obviously cared so much about ellie, loved her so much but she couldn’t change ellie’s mind. but the point here is that dina is a reflection of ellie’s bright side, she keeps ellie sane until the very last moment, saving her life multiple times, going with her in a revenge journey, “you go, I go, end of story”, telling the wolves to fuck off and staying by ellie’s side, constantly putting her life at risk while being pregnant, she has loves ellie for such a long time even before getting with jesse (you can read ellie’s journal where she says cat told her dina is jealous of their relationship) and she probably took ellie back when she came back from santa barbara (a theory that I believe in because it makes sense).

dina is one of the few positive ends in the universe of the last of us, highly optimistic, funny, beautiful and an amazing support system for ellie. if it weren’t for dina, ellie would’ve become a monster.

LGBTQ+ REPRESENTATION (ellie x dina and lev)

it’s 2020 and people are still talking shit about the game just because of queer characters. that’s why I say people who hate the game are people who either didn’t capture the story or just didn’t even try to pay attention because of a closed mindset bigot sandwiches. representation is the best path to general acceptance, making people see different stories and realize that someone’s gender or sexuality does not influence on the quality of art.

ellie is a lesbian, that’s clear in the game when she says she’s “not into jessie’s type” (such a nice dialogue by the way), she talks about her ex girlfriend and clearly has had a crush on dina for the longest time (probably the reason why she broke up with cat).

dina is bisexual, in my opinion she always had a crush on ellie but maybe she lost motivation to to after her when she started to get close to cat and started talking to jessie because of that and it ended up working.

now dina and ellie’s relationship is probably the only thing that keeps us sane throughout the game, when we sit down to think “thank god ellie has dina, that means she’s not alone”, which is basically the whole concept of it, ellie not being alone because dina is there to hold her to the ground and stop her from becoming someone she doesn’t want to be.

lev being trans is something I can‘t have an opinion on, I have seen both sides: people saying it was a good approach and others saying it wasn’t an accurate representation. I’m not trans so my opinion isn’t valid and I can definitely see why many people think it was a bad reach but I also can see the other side, so I won’t comment on that.

the nice thing about representation in this game is that they brought it up as a normal thing, the only moment the focus is sexuality is when seth was being a dick and called dina the d-word, ellie got defensive but dina stopped her from getting into a fight. even then the main focus of that situation was how ellie dealt with joel saying she didn’t need his help. the point was never ellie’s sexuality, never, not even in a single moment, because it was never an issue. in a post apocalyptic society people don’t pay much attention to being homophobes (unless they’re in a fanatic religious cult or just assholes like seth).

the game approached the subject very bluntly but in a normal way, not making it that huge of a deal but it is a big deal for those who seek comfort and/or are dealing with their sexuality in a way. if a character they admire ends up being part of a minority group, they can relate to that and feel more comfortable in their own skin. we’re here, we’re real and we exist even in a fucked up infected world.

ENDING + THOUGHTS (moving on)

the last of us part II is a story about revenge, being completely different than part I which is a story about love and surviving. what happens in the second game are the consequences of the first, the choices joel made reflected upon himself, saving ellie costed everything; the cure, people’s lives and maybe a brighter future. people who are bashing the game for it’s storyline and how things went down need to understand that it’s not because we love joel that his actions didn’t matter to others. joel is a human being, so is abby and those who got harmed by joel’s choice to save ellie. joel killed abby’s dad, abby went after him for revenge, a predictable and reasonable thing to do if you just try to see it from her point of view, keep in mind that ellie would do the same exact thing.

if you can’t get yourself to see things from other people’s point of view, you missed the whole point of the game. the storyline isn’t summed up in “revenge is bad don’t do it kids”, it’s just based on the fact that death can never and will never bring you any sort of relief.

the game is the reflection of the cycle of revenge. abby going after joel for killing her dad, ellie going after abby and killing all of her friends in the process, abby finally breaks the cycle letting ellie and dina live but ellie couldn’t get over the guilt and went after abby again, yet she ended up letting her ago and officially breaking the chain for good.

the whole concept of the game is how seeking someone else’s suffering can lead to full destruction of someone’s character and values.

if ellie had killed abby she would’ve turned into the monster she was fighting against and she would lose literally everything she hadn’t already lost: her humanity. I don’t actually know the exact reason that compelled ellie to let abby go, maybe it was losing her fingers and realizing that she’ll never be able to play guitar again, which was her very last memory of joel and what he taught her. it could also be thinking of lev and how he’s the only thing abby has and vice versa, which is what she had with joel and what was taken from her, therefore she didn’t want to turn into the person who put someone through the same pain she was going through. technically if she killed abby she would have to kill lev to avoid him coming after her and continuing the cycle and doing that would kill ellie even more.

to make this shorter, abby moved on earlier than ellie. mostly because abby actually got her revenge killing joel but you gotta look through things before you put all the blame on her. ellie lost everyone in her life, her parents, riley, tess, sam and then joel, going after abby was a defense mechanism since she couldn’t have done anything to save those she lost before, but losing the one who took care and raised her was something she couldn’t bare, specially when she thought joel was the only person she had even though they weren’t in good terms and she and dina weren’t a thing yet.

ellie needed to revenge joel at all costs because that’s what she thought he would want, but in the end she realizes he would want her to move on and be happy, because that’s what he always tried to give her: the best shot in life that he couldn’t give sarah. ellie thought that by killing abby she would be able to let go, when in reality she would just feel more guilty for leaving lev alone like she was having no emotional relief concerning her PTSD. ellie got to that beach fully aware that killing abby wasn’t going to solve any of her problems, but a single memory of joel made her make the decision that she wasn’t going to let her go without a fight. their final fight was silent, in the middle of nowhere, they had absolutely nothing to say to each other because they were both fighting for nothing but excessive mental emptiness. they both knew that nothing would bring their loved ones back and they were ready to move on.

what the game wants to teach you is that nothing good comes from searching revenge and other’s suffering. ellie gets consumed by her own view of justice and ends up losing herself both inside and outside, when she comes to terms with the fact that killing abby won’t bring joel back from the dead, it’s already too late. she lost jessie, her friendship with tommy, her good memories with joel, her fingers which results in her not being able to play guitar anymore, the love of her life and her son.

in the last of us part one ellie says that her biggest fear is to end up alone, and the saddest part of all is that her actions led her to making that fear come true. the ending is ambiguous, it can mean something different to different people depending on what you choose to interpret things and how you view the characters. for some, ellie could just end up alone looking for a life purpose that doesn’t involve anyone from her past. to others, ellie returned to jackson and proved dina that she loved her and that now she’s ready to fully commit because she let go of her anger and is at peace with herself and her inner struggles. but that’s all up to you to decide what you want to believe in.

at the end of the day, this storyline is beautiful, heartbreaking, breathtaking and emotionally draining. it makes you think and open your mind to new perspectives, which is honestly one of the best things art is able to do, create a new universe for you to deep your thoughts in and take your own conclusions. the last of us didn’t have a bad or good ending, it had a realistic ending. just because they didn’t make this the way you wanted it doesn’t mean the writing is bad, it means you’re probably disappointed and that’s fine, but hating on it isn’t the way to make a point.

I can only thank everyone involved for creating this world and making me so invested in it, connecting me with these amazing characters and emotions that I never experienced playing a game before. there is nothing more to say except: endure and survive.

[mahnati]

So now that I’ve finished the three main routes of Three Houses and my life can sorta go back to normal, I decided to write my opinions on the three lords. There will be spoilers, so... be warned.

Edelgard: Edelgard answered a long time question that nobody had, which was “if Mad King Ashnard and Arvis had a one night stand, what would their baby look like?”. She has the same ideals as Arvis, wanting an equal society and wanting to unify an entire continent in order to achieve that, while trying to achieve this dream by implementing Ashnard’s blunt methods, by conquering other countries, with only who she deemed to be strong and capable being worth of holding positions of power. Like Arvis, she decided to ally with a not so great cult who she is not a fan of, but can provide her with the power she needed to start the war. Like Ashnard, she also despises the current hierarchy and wants to create a world where only the strong thrive.

I love Edelgard. The story makes her spend time enough with her for us to sympathize with her motivations and does a good job in showing why she is the way she is when the events of the story takes place. She’s confident, charismatic, highly driven by her goals and has a gorgeous, GORGEOUS design, especially post-timeskip. Her relationship with Byleth also feels the most genuine out of the three lords, with Byleth being the reason why she becomes softer in her own route, after all, it is implied that she still harbors feelings for them regardless of the route that the player takes.

I also think that Edelgard is full of shit and cannot for the life of me see her an anti-hero. Yes, her motivations are sympathetic and she suffered a lot, but it is hard to defend someone who started a war against an entire in continent in order to impose your ideals on different societies. Part of me wonders how much Edelgard wanted this unification because she wanted to unify humanity against the Children of the Goddess or… simply because she wanted to restore the Adrestian Empire to its former glory, to get back at those “traitors from the Kingdom”. Her epilogue stating that Faerghus and the Church of Seiros were soon forgotten by the masses, implying that she erased both the Kingdom and the Church’s history from history books, which… yikes. I don’t see that as just nor noble. I also think that the story did a terrible job at showing her relationship against the Agarthans. Some people say that they were blackmailing her, but considering how Edelgard’s character was heavily influenced by Arvis, who did ally with the Loptr Church out of arrogance, thinking he could dispose of them when necessary… it just makes me think that Edelgard, the girl who was tortured by the same people who she is allying herself with in order to take down people who didn’t have anything directly to do with her tragic past, it feels super dumb from her part.

I wish Crimson Flower treated her right. Edelgard deserved better than a rushed, half-assed route. She could have been my favorite FE villain, but alas, that title still goes to Lyon. She’s still in my top three though.

Dimitri: I never expected to like this guy this much. I started with Blue Lions because that was the house with Ashe and Mercedes, but my heart was taken by this princely, damaged boy. As far as design goes, Dimitri was the one who left me the least impressed (yes, even his post-timeskip, I was still drooling over Edelgard). Unlike Edelgard and Claude, Dimitri doesn’t seem to have grand plans for Fodlán, preferring to focus on his revenge against the people responsible for the Tragedy of Duscur. This makes his route seem less focused on lore and the world at large, instead preferring to show the rebuilt of his decaying Kingdom. I feel like his story felt more personal and more about him than the other routes and honestly, I usually prefer character-driven stories, so I felt the Blue Lions route more engaging than the other routes. Dimitri is a tragic character, whose strong compassion for the oppressed at one point drives him to brutality and he needs the help of his friends (especially Byleth) to bring him back to the light. There is something about excessive compassion being treated as a flaw that fascinates me, so Dimitri hits a sweet spot for me. I think they could have handled his recovery a little bit better, but I just let that one slide.

I do think that Dimitri blaming baby Edelgard for the tragedy of Duscur to be hilarious though. Imagine thinking that a thirteen y/o girl is to blame for the massacre of hundreds of people. I know that anger can lead us to have irrational thoughts, but come on, it’s just funny. I also have issues with Dimitri saying that his fight is in benefit of the common people, yet he barely involves them or hears them when it came to making decisions. I still think that he is right in calling out on Edel’s bullshit, on how the world she wants to build that only favors the strong.

Dimitri also feels like the most realistic lord out there, in which he is not some 17 y/o with a master plan to dismantle a millennia y/o system and continued to follow with that plan for 5 years until their comatose teacher woke up and helped them with their plans and I admire that about him too and performed incrementalist reforms.

Claude: Claude is fascinating to me in that he is the smartest lord of the bunch, but his goals are so naive that I’m left with mixed feelings. Really, Claude? Your plan to ending prejudice is by uniting Fodlán as one nation and, once you achieve that, you can destroy the protected border between Fodlán and Almyra? Sure, making the interactions between two nations can ease some of the prejudices that both people have toward each other, but I doubt that this will end racism. His supports with Cyril tries to show that he has a blind spot for the suffering of people who were less fortunate than him back in his home country, but that’s not really brought up in the main story.

His route is weird, as it puts a lot of emphasis in lore and explaining what is up with the secret cult that has been pulling the strings from behind the scenes, but out of the three routes (excluding SS), his feels less like his story and more like a series of events in which he is there. I’ve seen people say that Verdant Wind is the most lighthearted route, but I think this has to do with the fact that Claude seems oddly detached from it. Things happen and he tries to turn them into his advantage, which is fine, it is in character and certainly paints him in a better light than a certain red lord, but it didn’t make me care about his story all that much. I think it’s interesting how he and Edelgard are not so different in the aspect of them wanting to conquer all of Fodlán in order to achieve their ideals, but I think Claude feels more sympathetic simply because he is not the aggressor in this case.

As far as character goes, I like characters who have a sunny and friendly disposition, but can be cold and calculating if needed. I like how he has troubles trusting people and letting get close to him, since he was always seen as an outsider no matter where he lived. Unfortunately, this also means that his relationship with Byleth doesn’t feel as genuine as the other two lords, at least pre-timeskip. And by genuine, I mean it’s hard to believe that his interest in Byleth was anything other than using them and the Sword of the Creator for his own goals, while Edelgard and Dimitri at least feel like they are more interested in them as a person and not as a tool. Their relationship gets better though.

When it comes to design, I think they managed to portray his easygoing, friendly personality well, with his pre-timeskip sporting a more wild hair and post-timeskip showing a more mature and serious side in his combed hairstyle. Also he’s just really hot, ok? Wow.

[queenofallthewrongchoices]

And He Lets the Chips Fall Where They May

Series: The Freshman  

Synopsis: This fic takes place in The Freshman book 1 in between chapters 15 and 16. I’ve been replaying The Freshman over for the hundredth time and always wanted a better glimpse at what the conversation between Chris and Becca was like when he suddenly realized that he wanted to go to the winter formal with the MC instead of her, so this is my take on that conversation. 

Pairing: Chris x MC (Nadia)

Characters: Chris and Becca with mentions of the MC

No real age restrictions but there is some very mild suggestive language

Author’s Note: While writing has been a long-time hobby of mine, this is the first fanfic I’ve ever written and the first time I’ve written a piece work featuring characters that aren’t mine. I know it’s both lengthy and wordy but I tend to write how I talk so forgive me. 

Chris walks up the steps of the large sorority house he’d been residing in for the past couple of months, he can’t help but notice an uneasiness weighing down on him. While his heart was never truly in any of his dealings with Becca, he had convinced himself it was inconsequential because it was all in the name of having a good time. It was his first semester of freshman year, after all, and he was only interested in cutting loose, unwinding, and forgetting she who shall not be named. Trying his best to avoid anything serious at all costs. Admittedly so Becca, in a lot of ways, provided that for him. She was a little older and more experienced, so she often took the reins in their “relationship” in all aspects, which was new yet exciting. Or at least it had been.

Any other guy would’ve been overjoyed at the prospect of shacking up in a sorority house with a bunch of beautiful carefree college girls, and at first, he himself was quite delighted by the notion. But for some reason Chris couldn’t shake the thought of one specific girl who had charmed him from the very first moment he had laid eyes on her. He kept telling himself that it was for the best that he kept his distance. He wasn’t ready for a relationship and he didn’t want to hurt her any more than he already had. That was all true, and yet his mind continued to wander to what seemed to be a far-off reality of them being happy together.

He decided to put those thoughts to rest for the time being as he knocked on the large oak doors of the Kappa house. Becca had texted him excited about the dresses she had purchased for the big winter formal scheduled for that weekend and wanted his opinion since he was her date. “It’s important that we make a statement together as a couple.” She said. A concept that he thought he left behind in high school but he didn’t question it. He didn’t question much, as of late. He was just going with the flow. No expectations. Just fun. But his lackadaisical attitude seemed to be leading him towards real relationship territory with Becca and that was something he didn’t like. Although he had made it quite clear to Becca that he wasn’t interested in defining their relationship now or any moment in the future, she still felt an ownership over him. And could he really blame her? He had been sleeping in her bed on and off for the past several weeks, he had drunkenly admitted to her some heavy things concerning his dad he hadn’t told anyone, and they’d been engaging in all manners of hooking up over that time frame. So yes, she wasn’t wrong to have expectations of what they were becoming. But still the whole thing was uncomfortable for him. Here he was, Mr. Hypocrite, doing all the things he said he didn’t want with a girl he knew he didn’t want them with.

Suddenly the door swung open, pulling him from his thoughts as he was greeted by a familiar redhead who he saw regularly during his visits to the Kappa house. She was a sophomore who was dating one of the upperclassmen football players named Reggie. Her name was either Amber or Cassidy. He could never seem to remember despite her constantly reminding him. He was ashamed to admit it but all the Kappa girls sort of meshed together these days, none of them having any real distinguishable personalities, at least not to him.

“Oh, hey Chris. I should’ve known it was you. Becca’s upstairs in her room.” She said in a loud sing-songy voice. She seemed tipsy undoubtedly pregaming for some party, kickback, or another.  “Hey, thanks.” He said as he walked in. She answered with a smile and nod then returned to her awaiting pre-party cocktails and friends, more members of the sorority he recognized, all huddled around the island in the kitchen.

Her familiar greeting was another thing that didn’t sit right with him. He had become too much of a staple in the house. Football players frequenting the Kappa house wasn’t anything out of the ordinary. Oddly enough it was sort of tradition at Hartfeld. The politics surrounding the dating scene amongst the Kappas and the football team reminded him of that of the Pink Ladies and the T-Birds from Grease. The Kappas were the football players’ girls and vice versa. They had first dibs on one another and everyone else, meaning the rest of the Hartfeld population, had to get in line. Even with that knowledge he still felt conflicted. Was Becca at her core truly a cool girl to be around and very different from the off-putting stuck up persona she portrayed to the general public? Yes, unbelievably so. But his heart just wasn’t in it. A fact that was becoming increasingly difficult to ignore. Regardless there was no point in dwelling on it. He turned and closed the door before heading up the winding stairs leading to Becca’s room.  

And before he knew it there he was. Standing outside Becca’s bedroom door glancing at the jewel encrusted “B” that adorned it. It was so regal and so Becca. Hanging from the doorknob was a yellow sign fashioned after a yellow light indicating to anyone seeking entry into her room that they should “Slow down and knock first”. She also had a green one that read “Go ahead and come in” and a red one that read “Stop. Don’t even think about it.” The red one was only used if she wasn’t in the mood to deal with whatever petty squabble her sorors had found themselves in or when she was trying to set the mood with someone in particular, that someone being him as of late.  

One knock was all it took before he was greeted by the stunning leggy blond. He couldn’t help but admit that Becca was indeed gorgeous. She was attractive in an obvious and conventional way. When he first met Becca, he couldn’t help but think that she looked like your typical mean girl that served as a foil to the female lead in a classic young adult comedy film. She immediately pulled him into a hug and gave him a quick peck on the lips before she ushered him into her room. “There you are. Finally. I’ve been dying to show you the dresses I picked out.”

The room that was normally so neatly put together looked like a department store after a huge weekend sale. Scattered around the room were a different assortment of dresses of varying lengths and colors.

“I admit that I may have went a little overboard at the mall but they all looked so cute on me. Luckily you get to watch me model them and help me decide which one best compliments my amazing body.”

“Can’t wait.” He chuckled to himself. Becca was definitely the most high maintenance girl he’d ever met. He didn’t mind though. It was something he found charming about her believe it or not.

“Good. I’ll try this red number on first. Red always looks good on me. Something I’m sure you can agree with.” She says flirtatiously. She gives him a devilish wink and scurried to her closet to change.

While he waited, Chris pulled up his Pictogram account mindlessly scrolling to pass the time. His fingers landed on one post from Nadia that cost his attention. The caption read, “Throwback to last summer visiting family in Miami. The sun was good to me that day.” And there she was, sporting the most brilliant smile he’d ever seen on her. Her eyes were closed, face tilted up toward the setting sun as it cast an angelic glow across her features. Her brown skin was a couple shades darker than usual undoubtedly tanned from being out in the sun. Her wavy hair was longer here. It cascaded in waves over her shoulders and down her back with a complimentary red flower tucked neatly above her right ear. She looked breathtaking. That was the only way to describe it. He stared at the picture for what seemed to be an eternity memorizing every little detail. Completely and utterly captivated.

“Ahem. Chris I said what do you think?” Becca said in a familiar annoyed tone. He was so distracted that he hadn’t realized that she had returned to the main room let alone that she was talking to him.

“Oh, my bad Becca. You look great.” He said slightly embarrassed sitting up a little straighter in his seat. And she did honestly. The dress was an off the shoulder long flowing gown that hugged her figure in all the right places. Although Chris’ compliment was mostly genuine he still couldn’t help but notice how flat it sounded to his own ears. He only hoped that Becca didn’t notice.

“Boys.” She said in a dismissive yet playful manner. “I know you’re only interested in what’s underneath it.” She said. “Oh well I still have an assortment of gowns to try on so you’re just going to have to fake interest Mr. Powell. I promise I’ll make it worth your while later.” She gave him a smirk that otherwise would’ve been sexy if his mind wasn’t elsewhere and grabbed a strapless black dress to try on next.

While she changed, his thoughts began to wander once more. This time he thought about the formal and wondered if Nadia was going and if so with who. James no doubt. They had been spending a lot of time together lately and they were obviously attracted to each other. James was indeed an attractive guy. He was secure enough to admit it. Honestly James was an ideal match for just about any girl especially Nadia. He was good-looking, studious, a real gentleman, slightly older so more mature, and rich. What’s not to like? They seemed to have a lot in common. Way more than he had with her anyways.

This whole line of thinking made him feel guilty and a little hypocritical because here he was making plans to go to the formal with Becca and he was worried about who Nadia, a girl he rejected, was spending her free time with. But he couldn’t help it because deep down he knew that she was the one he wanted to be with. The chemistry they had was undeniable. Anyone who had ever been around them long enough commented on it. But he was afraid. Of what at this point? He was no longer sure. All his past reasons now seemed like mere excuses.

Becca modeled gown after gown each one more gorgeous than the last but her indecision began to set in as she started to retry on certain dresses that exuded the right amount of elegance and sex appeal. Or so she phrased it.

“There all cute I suppose but it has to be perfect.” She says in a huff becoming annoyed with her own indecision. “Have you already rented your tux? You don’t seem to be concerned with what you’re wearing.”

“Yeah. I still have the one from the sorority ball.”

She scoffs and shakes her head. “Boys. I swear you guys have it so easy. Here I am indecisively picking through a dozen dresses to wear and you’re simply settling on a tux that you’ve already worn. Luckily it looks so good on you.” She says flirtatiously once more.

At this point, Chris had grown tired in both a literal and mental sense of this entire conversation. It had been two hours of watching Becca model dresses for him and the more he thought about it the less the whole idea of going to formal with her interested him.

Nadia had been consuming his thoughts all night long. Her smile, her laugh, the way she cocked her head to the side when she talked to him. He could no longer ignore what he was feeling. It was quite simple. He wanted to go to the formal with her.

He wanted to see her in a beautiful gown with an expertly made up face just for him. He wanted to hold her on the dance floor, swaying to some romantic R&B hit while the world faded around them, and he wanted to close the night out with her peacefully laying her gorgeous head on his chest as the collective sounds of their heartbeats lulled each other to sleep. And it pained him to think that James or anyone else could possibly experience those things in his place.

Becca continued to make mindless conversation regarding the formal in the background as he finally came to the realization that he had known all along.

“Becca, I can’t do this.” He said.

“Oh fine. I’ll just ask Madison to help me. I should’ve known that as a guy you wouldn’t be all that interested. It’s fine. Just help me out of this dress and maybe we can go grab a bite eat.”

“No. I mean…” He hesitated. “I mean I can’t go to formal with you.”

His words seemed to echo shortly followed by an immediate uncomfortable silence as they stared at one another. Becca’s expression was completely unreadable. No trace of sadness or anger. Just completely blank. Maybe there was a taste of confusion mixed in but he wasn’t completely sure. He began to avoid her gaze.

She eventually broke the silence with a long and exasperated sigh saying, “Well are you going to at least give me an explanation or continue sitting there with that dumb look on your face? And please don’t tell me this has anything to do with that skinny, fashion-challenged freshman.” And there it was anger and annoyance perfectly mingling together across her features.

He hated having to admit that her assertion was correct but lying would be an insult to them both at this point.

He nodded with an apologetic look and began to say, “Sorry. I don’t mean to hurt you or anything. I just…”

“Oh please.” She cuts him off. “Just go. Whatever pointless thing you’re about to say next you can keep. Your energy is better spent on whatever crackpot apology you’re going to run by Nadia.” She gives him an unfazed look undoubtedly to mask the hurt and embarrassment she feels and walks back towards her closet to change out of her gown.

Chris stands there a little while longer debating on whether he should go try to apologize once more or leave. He settles on the latter. Becca’s anger was justified and he felt like crap doing this to her, but more than anything he felt a greater sense of urgency to get to Nadia and try to salvage what was left of their relationship. If he could even call it that.

He hurriedly dashed down the steps and out the door towards his car. He drove as fast as the speed limit would allow towards the parking lot of the freshman dorms. All he could do at this point was hope and pray that he wasn’t too late.

[sauveteen]

Burned Out Pt. 2 | s.m

this is part 2. catch up here.

warning: LONG ASS CHAPTER BECAUSE I HAD SO MANY IDEAS THAT I WANTED TO FIT IN UWU hope this makes you CRY / lots of build up i'm so soRrry (ran out of text blocks on this one so had to shorten it RIP)

The last time Shawn saw you was at his album launch party. He was reluctant to invite you, for reasons innumerable, but he couldn't not invite you either. He could tell you didn't want to be there, tell that you were all but shrivelling under the gaze of his friends and colleagues. Only you didn't know why until after you listened to the album.

To one's surprise but yours, you were his muse. Not for a song or two, like you had expected, but for an entire album. Titled Because I Had You, Shawn's fourth studio album was a sixteen track masterpiece lined with one heartbreak anthem after another. If you thought the title single was bad, the rest of the album had you sobbing in bed at night, stomach churning at the thought that the entire world was now a witness to what were supposed to be private moments, only for the two of you and no one else to see. It wasn't even the subtly sexual songs like Particular Taste that maddened you, but the way he wrote about your love. Bold, powerful, passionate — when, in reality, it was everything but.

What Shawn and you had was delicate. It was beautiful, like a dainty flower creeping through cracks in a cemented floor. Like a green leaf on an autumn day. Not what he wrote, and definitely not what his music videos portrayed.

And that was that. Whatever little hope you had harboured of Shawn being a nice person, of him respecting your wishes and leaving you the hell alone after what happened went down the drain. All you had expected from him after the terrible way he'd left you, no questions asked, was your private life back. No instagram posts, no tweets, and certainly no interviewers entertained. He had seemed sincere enough when he promised to do nothing of the sort, pinky finger held out to you in the adorable manner that only he could pull off. Your heart had lurched, then, calling yourself stupid to ever think that Shawn would disrespect you like that.

And then when the album came out — you hadn't told him not to write songs about you, had you? So it was only fair. He kept his end of the promise, he said. Never took your name, he said. But he did name you, in every other way possible. Your eyes. Your hair. Your scent. The books you read, the songs you sung. All out in the world for people to listen to, and pick you apart. All because he needed a banger of an album to top his previous ones and what better publicity than an unexplained, undramatic breakup, right?

In that moment, you'd said Fuck him and never looked back.

Until today. Despite pushing it back for as long as possible, your friends had coaxed you into hosting a party at your place, since you had completely distanced yourself for the best part of the year after the breakup. It hurt too much to see Shawn completely unbothered, drinking the night away, a girl that wasn't you snuggling into his side. God, you weren't jealous when you were together, so why did it hurt so much to see him with someone else when you two were apart? But your friends being your friends had managed to weasle their way back in, and here you are again. And here Shawn is again.

For the most part, you avoid him. You know he's been looking at you all night, stealing glances when his date doesn't isnt looking, his cheeks tinged red with the alcohol he'd been nursing, loud laughter reverberating through the room. Know he's been looking for signs of him all over your apartment, little titbits of the glorious time you had together.

Tough luck, champ, you scoff to yourself as you head towards the fridge to get out another case of beers out and ready on the counter. As soon as you were coherent enough to function again, the first thing you did was dump all his things in a storage unit and mail him the key. You couldn't bare even the briefest of conversations, and that was the best solution you could come up with at the time.

Well, everything except the ring. While all the love and fondness attached to the piece of jewellery had completely vanished over time, its value still remained. No matter how hard you tried, you couldn't get rid of it. Probably never will, either, but that's a story for another day.

But you digress. Currently, like always, you have more pressing matters on hand. Your fridge seems to be all out of Coronas, and while your friends like to act pretentious, no amount of Chardonnay can get them buzzing like a gold old bottle of beer. Sighing to yourself, you decide the only solution is a quick run to the liquor store, since you're the only one sober enough for the job. You smooth your dress down, grabbing your keys as you announce your departure to your shitfaced friends.

"I'll be back in fifteen minutes, tops. Please, for the love of God, do not touch my record player."

"Are we allowed to go into your lingerie drawer?" One of your friends, Kooper teases, raising his glass of scotch towards you. You grin, lifting a shoulder in response, "If you can find it, sure."

"I'm sure Shawn can help," Comes a slurred reply, and you can feel your cheeks start to redden. There's a couple of chuckles around the room, and before Shawn gathers his thoughts to respond, you're pulling the door shut behind you.

Shawn is left staring at the door, where you were standing mere seconds ago. His neck feels hot at the thought of going anywhere near your lingerie drawer again, so he chooses to keep quiet. Taking his bottom lip between his teeth, he tries to focus on what his date is saying (something about politics, he really doesn't understand a lot), but it's hard to ignore the dull ache in his heart, growing more painful with every second that passes.

You look gorgeous. Ravishing, almost. And Shawn's always known that, always questioned how exactly he ended up with a catch like you in the first place. Especially tonight, however, because you're wearing red and it's such a look against your tan skin that it has his mind spinning at the sight. The beer in his veins is enough to keep him floating a few centimetres above reality, chucking him into an alternate universe where he didn't break your heart and your trust, and you didn't hate him for either of those two.

His date places a hand on his thigh, and he reacts almost immediately. Although her touch is innocent, hands still animatedly flying around, his mind is everything but.

"Hey, babe," He interrupts sheepishly, "While I would love to talk about Trump for the rest of the night, is it cool if we... get out of here?"

Her smirk then is one that has him blanching in anticipation. It's just the right amount of teasing with a lethal amount of mischief as she grabs at his collar, leaning in close to whisper into his ear, "Why do you want to get out of here? We can do whatever you need, for however long you need, right here."

Even shitfaced, Shawn knows he's breaking every fucking rule in the How To Act Around An Ex 101 rulebook if he follows through with what she's suggesting. Normal exes don't even invite each other to their houses, let alone fuck someone else while they're out. That doesn't stop him though, because seconds later the pair are excusing themselves and stumbling blindly into a bedroom, her lips attached to his and his fingers digging into her sides.

He smells you the moment his back hits the bed, your citrus scent all he can remember from the time you two spent together. However, before he can mull on the fact that This might not be the guest bedroom, her fingers are tangling into his curls and body pressing against his front. The moan that tumbles out of his lips when she sucks at his neck is almost pornographic, appalled at how quick she found his spot.

Not as quick as you had, however — because the first time Shawn and you had gone to town was a day that he would never forget. You had him reeling and begging under you with just your fingers and mouth, placing your fingers against his chest to push him back down every time he got a little too excited. He had never been happier to lose control than in that moment.

Fuck, he thinks as his date's hand palms at his crotch, I really shouldn't be thinking about my ex right now.

Right now? His mind answers almost instantly, Pretty hard when you're literally always thinking about her, right?

He's so lost in his thoughts and her touch that he doesn't hear the door to the bedroom opening, or even notice the light that streams into the room from the corridor outside. However, when a voice exclaims, "Jesus fuck, Shawn!"

His eyes take a moment to adjust to the dim lighting of the room as he tries to figure out who it was that shouted at him, and he breathes a sigh of relief when he sees that it's just Geoff. Not you. Thank fucking God for that. He rubs lazily at his face, turning away from the door, but Geoff isn't having any of it. Asking his date to please leave, he slams the door shut behind her, storming over to Shawn.

"What the fuck, dude?!"

"What?" Comes Shawn's annoyed mumble, "Jealous you aren't getting any?"

"How much have you had to drink?" He grabs Shawn's chin, inspecting his eyes to see just how red they are for him to pull some dumb shit like this. When he sees that he's not even close to being as drunk as Geoff first assumed him to be, he steps away. Scoffing in disgust, he continues, "You were going to have sex on your ex's bed? What is wrong with you?"

"I thought it was the guest bedroom."

"No the fuck you didn't, Shawn," He's pushing a hand through his hair, fingers clenching around his cup in anger, "You're still not satisfied with what you did? Wanna break her heart even further?"

"What the fuck are you talking about? It was a mutual breakup."

"Was it, though? Or were you just as self-centred then and didn't give a single shit about what she did or did not say?"

"Shut the fuck up, Geoff," Shawn gets up, pushing his friend away, but Geoff's fingers are curling around his arm before he can storm off.

"No, you listen to me. I've had enough of your bullshit. You're my brother, man, but she's more than a sister to me. It hurts me to see her hurting, and if you can't behave around her, just stop showing up. She's been through enough already. Can you imagine her reaction if she was the one who had walked in on you? It would've killed her, Shawn."

"I don't— what are you talking about? We're over. We've both moved on."

Geoff's scoff is painfully mocking, and Shawn is narrowing his eyes in anger, "What is that supposed to mean?"

"Move on? It's almost sad how hung up on each other you guys are. You can't stop writing songs about her, and she can't stop—" Geoff trails off, catching himself before he can let anything spill. You would absolutely annihilate him, and that's not something he wants.

"What?" Shawn spits, "She can't what?"

"It doesn't matter," He mutters through grit teeth, "If you can man the fuck up and apologise for all the shit you've pulled on her, great. If you can't and want to continue being an ass so you can cash in your cheques, fucking fine by me. Just stop coming over when she's around. I didn't take taekwondo for nothing."

"You're not seriously threatening me."

"Try me."

"Fuck you, Geoff. You don't know jackshit about what happened between us."

"Yeah? Let me summarise, then. You got over her, you dumped her. Don't you dare make it sound any deeper than that," Shawn opens his mouth to protest, but Geoff isn't done yet, "And then you proceeded to make an entire album about your love, something so volatile and so private, and released it without her consent. She could've sued you for defamation, but she didn't. Do you know why?"

Shawn shakes his head, bottom lip latched between his teeth. There's so many thoughts running through his head that he doesn't even have the energy or the mental faculties to give his friend any attitude anymore. After the breakup, the both of you had managed to convince your friends that it was long coming, mutual, and amicable. Shawn had wanted it to be that way because he didn't want to be painted as a douche for springing something so sudden on you, and you had gone along with it because...well, he had no idea why. Maybe he should've asked.

"Because she's still in love with you, you fucking jerk. And it isn't my place to tell you this, but if it keeps you away from her, then so be it.You got over her, Shawn, but you didn't give her any time to ease out of it. You kept showing up with new girls every time, kept releasing these...these PG-13 sex tapes. The album was probably the final blow. With everything you did, her condition worsened, and we all saw it. We thought you did too, dude, because it was so painfully obvious."

There's a sour taste in Shawn's mouth, like the acidic tinge that puking leaves in your mouth. He's pretty sure he's completely sober now, but his mind keeps spinning, to the point where he has to sit down to steady himself.

"What have I done, Geoff?"

"I put up with this for as long as I possibly could, but it's not funny anymore. If not for her, please— for me, stop what you're doing. No amount of fame and money is worth the pain you put her through."

"Jesus fuckin' Christ," Shawn rubs at his face, trying to slap some reality back into him. He didn't break up with you because he got over you. He broke up with you because he was sure he never would. It took him a while to realise how toxic your relationship was getting for him, with no fault of your own. He had fallen and sunken so deep that if you had asked him to throw himself in front of a moving car, he would've done it, no questions asked. To the point where he was so dependant on you that it physically hurt him to leave you. Where he was so used to you helping him through his attacks that one without you make him felt like he was going to die.

His mom had called him stupid, told him that he had let the best thing in his life go because he couldn't commit. But Shawn knew love, and love wasn't supposed to be so scary. He cried because that was the most difficult thing he had done in his life, to date. Not even releasing a completely different genre of album, not knowing if anyone would enjoy listening to something so raw, had made him shiver so bad.

The last thing he wanted was to hurt you. He cared about nothing more than you. The album was a desperate cry for help, him putting out into the world just how much he needed you, as a friend or otherwise. Instead of forgiving him, you chose to distance yourself from him. In hurting you, he had completely broken himself. That's what they say, isn't it; play with fire, and you're bound to get burnt.

"Just— take it easy, man," Geoff claps a hand down on Shawn's shoulder, "The situation sucks over all, don't make it harder than it has to be. Also," He opens Shawn's palm, dropping your lost earring into his hand, "Put this back, 'kay? I don't know where it goes. l'll meet you outside."

Shawn nods solemnly, waiting until he hears Geoff's footsteps fade and the door click shut after him. Forcing himself to breathe, Shawn manoeuvres around your room, suddenly overwhelmed with the memories that surrounded his time there. The self-care nights, the pillow fights, the cuddling. The I love yous. He gulps, trying to see as little as possible of his favourite place in the world, pulling open a drawer in your vanity. Carefully dropping the earring on a glass tray, he moves it around a bit to make it easier for you to find it if you were looking for it.

Just as he's about to close the drawer, something catches his eye, causing him to pull the drawer open a little farther to inspect. Nestled behind one of your divider trays is a simple, tiny, royal blue suede box. Shawn's eyebrows furrow — He had never seen that before, had he? It could only hold a ring, he was a pretty sure, and he finds himself reaching towards the box before his conscience can stop him. He turns the small cuboid in his fingers, illuminated by the soft light mounted atop your vanity. Dried water drops stain the otherwise smooth surface, and his lips part in realisation not long after. That's not water, is it?

Deciding not to mull too long, he flicks the box open. Immediately, he desperately wishes he hadn't, because he feels his breath catch in his throat. Sitting inside the box is the most beautiful ring he's probably ever seen, silver and glinting in pride. As he brings it up to his face to inspect it better, he notices the strinking resemblance it has to his own ring, the one he had bought in Tokyo and never taken off after. There's two feathers interlinked together, just like on his ring, but there's a third, more intricate one binding the other two together in a perfect knot. He doesn't know what to make of it, doesn't know why he found it in your drawer, so he stands there. Twisting the ring in his finger, trying to convince himself that it has nothing to do with him.

And then the light catches the inscription on the inside of the band, and Shawn steps closer to the table to see better, eyes narrowed and nose scrunched in concentration.

120915 to forever, I'll love you.

12th September 2015 — Shawn doesn't even need to rack his brain to remember that that was the day you had first told him that you loved him. You were both strolling through the park, laughing about the fact that were people in the world who bit their ice creams, when you had stopped him midstep. Leaned in, kissed his nose, and told him that you loved him. The blush that coloured the both of your faces after was the most fiery shade of red that Shawn had seen. 120915; the last track on his album.

Shawn's mind is immediately thrown into a frenzy. He would be an idiot if he tries to deny the fact that the ring in his hand is most certainly an engagement band, because it looks too expensive to be a promise ring and the two of you had already exchanged your promise rings a year back. But when, how, and why? Why is there an engagement ring so obviously designed for Shawn just sitting in your drawer? Why are there tear stains on the box? Why does the forever looked like it had been scratched at?

Slamming the drawer shut, he all but stumbles out of the bedroom, making a beeline towards your kitchen. If his date sees him or any of your friends notice his panicked state, they choose not to comment on it, distancing themselves from the distressed boy. Slowly but surely, each of them trickle out as Shawn digs through your kitchen cabinet, looking for a file he knows would answer all his questions. When Geoff is the only one left, he contemplates staying. He owes you that much — not leaving you alone with an ex that you're still head over heels for, but he decides against it. You deserve the closure. The both of you deserve and need the closure, and if it means leaving you to deal with your vices, then he is ready to make the sacrifice.

Shawn doesn't notice a single thing around him, all his attention focused on the binders sprawled across him on the island. Carefully thumbing through the files, he ticks off the months in his head — July, August, September, October, November. Immediately flipping to the month of November, he pulls out all the receipts you had so carefully filed and spreads them in front of him. Wild eyes flying across the documents in hopes of finding what he's looking for.

And not long after, he does. A tiny, barely noticeable piece of paper, labelled Bijoux, avec Amour — Jewellery, with Love — printed on the top in cursive. He swears his heart plummets to the very core of the earth when he sees the date on the bill: 7th November 2018.

Not even two weeks before he left you.

His mouth dries out, and he has trouble inhaling. Falling to his knees, Shawn stares between the box and the receipt, feeling his body shake with sudden, overwhelming fatigue. His head feels heavy, like it's been bashed against a stone and left wide open, waiting to be stitched up. His breaths are coming out exaggerated, wild, making it seem like he's just run a marathon. He has, though, hasn't he? He's raced against time. Against your love for him. And Jesus Christ has he lost.

It doesn't take a genius to join the dots with all the hints laid out right in front of him — literally. You were going to ask him to marry you, and he had taken that hope, balled it up, and spat it back into your face. Maybe he should've had another track on his album, a track about how much of an idiot he had been. He would've titled it I'm Worse Than a Fucking Munchurian Ball.

You expect chaos when you return, because really, what good can a bunch of drunk adults get up to? And chaos you get, but definitely not the kind you had anticipated. At first you're confused to see your house empty, no signs of life anywhere. You weren't gone for that long, were you? And then your attention pans to the kitchen, and suddenly you're living that day again. Shawn staring back at you, teary eyed, hands in fists, and you helplessy trying to maintain his gaze.

You immediately start assumed the worse. He's hurt, he had an anxiety attack, his date did something. When you rush towards him, however, dropping the bags in your hands and falling to your knees, you see what you had never, ever wanted to see. His ring — in his hand. He's holding it up to you, so close to your face that you have to lean back to get a better look. Your hands are balling into fists at your sides, stomach twisting into knots. When your gaze falls to the bills strewn on the counter, you know you're done for. Shawn knows. He knows everything.

Fuck.

"Shawn," You try to keep your voice as level as possible, but it inevitably starts breaking, "Where did you find that?"

"You wanted to marry me," Shawn's voice is monotonous, his eyes glazed over. He can barely meet your eyes, gaze focused behind you instead, "You wanted to spend the rest of your life with me. And I.... I fucking dumped you."

You have seen Shawn cry before. Seen him breakdown before. Never, ever had he sounded as defeated as he does right now, like the very life had been sucked out of him, like it was paining him to utter mere words.

Exactly how you had felt all this while.

"Shawn..."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Tell you what?"

"This," he wags the ring in your face, sniffling loudly, "Was this with you when I broke up with you?"

You nod, feeling your heart pull at the sight of him so... so distressed, so lost. You can feel tears of your own starting to form, but you try pushing them back. This time, however, it doesn't work. They start flowing down your face like fireworks on the 4th of July; loud, uninterrupted, and seemingly with no end. You fall limply against the counter, feeling Shawn watch your every move. Wiping beneath your nose with the back of your hand, you manage to choke out, "Yes.. and—and I was so fucking sure you were going to say yes when I asked you. And then you—"

You can't find it in yourself to continue, and Shawn's hands go into his hair, tugging at the roots in utter frustration and helplessness. He had claimed that the both of you had moved on not even an hour ago, and now he can't even find it in himself to laugh at the irony of the situation. Two adults, crying on a kitchen floor. What a fucking joke.

"You should've told me," Shawn mutters through tears, rocking back and forth, "God, if only you had told me— it would've changed everything."

It's your turn to be angry now, and your body shivers as you spit, "Told you so you could laugh at me? Tell your friends about the girl who proposed to you as you were breaking up with her?"

"No! No, you don't get it, do you? I would've said yes. I would've called a priest and married you then and fucking then."

"No," you mutter, shaking your head. Louder, you repeat, "No, you don't get to do this. You don't get to feed me these lies and these Would Haves and What Ifs!" Pushing against his chest, you sob harder, "You didn't get to leave me! But you did. You left me when I was so in love with you that I could see nothing else. Fuck you, Shawn. Fuck you for leaving me."

"Slap me."

"Shut up."

He grabs your hand, placing it against his wet cheek, all but begging you, "Please, slap me. Punch me. I fucking deserve it."

You pull your hand away, cradling it to your chest, as if his touch burns you, "I don't want to fucking slap you! It won't fix anything."

"What— what will fix everything?" Shawn's hiccuping now, eyes red from his tears, "What can I do to go back? What will it take for you to forgive me?"

"I don't know, Shawn," You reply between fits, shaking your head, "I don't know if you can fix this."

"I'll do anything," Shawn whispers, "I'll do anything to be able to love you again. I'll marry you, for fuck's sake. I'm not the same without you," He lets out a chuckle, shaking his head, "I won't ever be the same. You're like... this part of me that I won't ever get back. Life's been a living hell without you. Don't you feel it too?"

You can feel your determination frailing, weakening, but you're not giving into him again. You're never giving into the pain that is Shawn ever again, so you wipe your tears away, putting your brave face on, "I don't. I really don't. I agreed with you on something I shouldn't have once already, Shawn. I'm not doing it ever again. As a wise man once told me, I don't deserve that. If a constant rotation of girls and a rocket to fame are a living hell for you," You inhale audibly, convincing yourself that this is where it ends. There's no going back from here. "Then I wish you the best of luck. But you can't fix this. Not now, not ever."

"But—," He's pushing himself up, making his way towards you, and you cower away. Something breaks inside the both of you, something so delicate that it can't ever be put back. Not by each other, and certainly not by someone else. Shawn's head drops, and you can almost feel the words emanating off his self before he even speaks, each word laced with pleading, "I love you. Please."

Your tears haven't stopped still, and they probably never will, but you can't let yourself go through the same thing again. No matter how much you love him, no matter how hard he tries to convince you that he loves you too, you know for a fact that the gaps between the two of you couldn't be a bridged by a couple of sorrys and a kiss. It would require something much more sacrificial, like jumping headfirst into the emptiness and hoping, praying that you could steady yourself along the way. You would rather head towards uncertainty than doomed failure.

"I'm sorry, Shawn. You should've thought about that before striking the match."

TAGLIST: @babywhenithinkaboutyou @catalinamgarcia @shawnm521 @holybrandt @fuckneymar @brenda-sucks @livelifesosily @yourwonderbelle @astromendes @ashwarren32 @grunge-pun-kat @truly-l @sunflowerinthefield

[sarcasticace]

wait why is AME b2 so bad??

Under the cut because this gets long and kinda rant-y, sorry

 - The writers should’ve never implemented double elimination. It helped this season feel different, which was something this book needed to be successful, but it only made it feel like the new characters left way too soon. Maybe it’s just me, but I feel like we hardly got to know most of them. I get that it was so there was never an odd number of contestants, but they could’ve done something like… winner is exempt every other challenge or something.

 - I am convinced the writers DID NOT know what to do with Ivy or Vince. Particularly Ivy. They kept switching between the 2D villain Adam-mancers love to petty hate to this really compelling (at least imo), complicated rival character.  They should have stuck with the later AND they should have paired Ivy with MC at least once, leading to addressing her betrayal from last season: letting players forgive Ivy and move on (and rekindle their romance if players did that last season) or remain bitter towards her. But mostly pairing MC and Ivy in a challenge for the drama. It boggles my mind that both Ivy and MC are in the same season, but no one bothered to pair them up. I vaguely remember it was one of the reasons S10 didn’t tank. I might be remembering some details wrong, but in-universe, didn’t fans tune it to see that sweet MC/Ivy drama? Any good showrunner would have taken advantage and milked the hell out of it by doing whatever they can to put the two in the same room. I guess Carson being portrayed as incompetent subverted that, but Carson is a fictional character so that doesn’t count. If the writers weren’t going to fully take advantage of the Ivy/MC dynamic, they should have cut Ivy from the book entirely.

 - The partners. This was such a brilliant idea, but omg did they fuck it up. Why did they ONLY pair MC with Slater, Vince, and Adam. I mean, of fucking course it’s Adam, but they should’ve made it so the contestants got new partners AFTER EVERY CHALLENGE. Not when Carson felt like it or something came up. And MC should never have been paired with Adam (or Mack and Derek for that matter). It should have been Ivy (for the above reason) and all the new characters especially if they were committed to the idea of double eliminations. That way players get to know the characters one-on-one before they’re gone. Obviously, Adam is gonna stick around till the end because he’s one of the LIs and he’s on the cover. Also because of the whole proposal setup. Making him one of MC’s partners is a waste of time when you have new characters that will be leaving way before him. Diamond scenes aren’t going anywhere. That’s where they’re putting LI character+romantic development nowadays. MC, Adam, Mack, and Derek seem to have formed a friends group. They interact the most and there are several entire chapters where those three (+Jen) are the only characters to appear. What’s the point? Just pull a Total Drama and bring back the old contestants in a season 10.2, but switch up the elimination order. Having said that, yes, we do get to interact a lot with Eden/Heath and Kiara, but not characters like Yvette and Rowan. Maybe it’s just me, but I felt like I knew more about Ryder, Lina, and Han in their short time than any of the new All-Stars. These are winners and VIPs of previous seasons. They should have something to offer! If the new characters mean nothing then why waste the assets. Take Yvette for example… she’s a mom and willing to use her kids to guilt people into not voting her off. Enough to make players dislike her, but besides that moments and a few single lines, she’s a throwaway characters. And to prove my point, PB didn’t even wait for AME2 to finish before recycling her character model for a minor patient character in Open Heart. I don’t care about PB reusing assets, but can they stop being THAT lazy for five minutes.

 - There’s the fact that they didn’t do anything creative with partners outside of the ones involving the MC. Particularly the ones for the LIs. Vince, for example, didn’t get paired with Adam AT ALL despite their history. Just like with MC/Ivy, why would any showrunner worth their salt not want to capitalize on the drama between Adam and Vince? Same goes for the actual writers of this book. Why even have Adam around if not to spice things up with Vince? 

 - And since we’re on the topic of Vince… why did he not have that big of a role? I mean, on one hand, I kinda like that he’s just a diva and annoying. I’ll give B2 that much, they subverted my expectation of Vince being the main villain of this book, but in all honestly… they should’ve went with that route. It would’ve been exciting if MC would have to ally with Ivy in order to defeat a worse contestant. Then I was expecting Slater to be the secret big bad and Vince would be a red herring, but again… nope. Vince is just a diva and Slater plays rough. Those aren’t bad things, but they were also disappointing… much like the entire book. I know they didn’t want to copy what they did in the last book, but having this book’s finale just include your friends/LI rather than having it you vs. your rival is kinda lackluster imo.

 - One last thing about Vince… he almost seriously injured Adam in one of the earlier chapters and it’s never brought up again. Ever! They could’ve included a scene later on, like B1 had with Zeke, where MC could decide whether to reveal they saw Vince mess with the controls and that’d sway the opinions of the jury house and affect whether or not they’d listen to him. But of course that’s not what happened. This is Choices so consequences are only every applied to the MC. 

 - This “dating Jen” drama should’ve been done in full back in B1, but only for players actually romancing Jen. No offence to the other LIs, but Jen was the most appealing. Having a forbidden romance with one of the producers? Narrowly avoiding getting caught and risking your chance of staying on the show? It’s way more interesting that Adam/Mackenzie all of a sudden falling for MC just because. We know PB has the coding power. They could’ve and should’ve done it If they’re gonna have multiple endings for RoD, of all books, then they should commit to a standard for their books and should’ve coded AME A LOT better. Hell, they should’ve just outlined the whole series better, but we ended up with… this.

 - Also they need to do something with Mack’s backstory… her family is poor? She wants the prize money to put her sister through college. And yet she ONLY ever sabotaged Ryder then fell in love with MC and did nothing dirty for the rest of both seasons. If they weren’t gonna make Ivy a complicated rival character, they should’ve just cut Ivy all together and given that storyline to Mack. This is mostly a B1 complaint, but it follows through to B2 because they don’t commit with Ivy and don’t do much  with Mack. They introduce her family, which was interesting, but idk she lost a lot of appeal for me in B1 when she fell head over heals for my MC for no reason. Mackenzie’s route had “slow burn” written all over it, but they neglected her. Either Mack should’ve been the rival LI or they should’ve cut her and made Adam fully customizable (like Hayden) then have Ivy fill the role of second female LI.

- Again with Mack… her complaining about cheating is really funny and kinda OOC. Like I mentioned before, she literally sabotaged Ryder because he was a jerk and she wanted to win. Did the writers forget about that? This was just one of several points that shows the writers did not care about their own story and characters. 

 - Also they needed to do something? … anything… with Derek. Poor man, he’s the only LI who gets how this show is played. He deserves better. I don’t talk about Derek much, but I honestly love this man. He’s just dull. He needs… anything. Give him anything. Like the only significant storyline they gave him, that I can remember, is his show-mance with Ivy and that was more Ivy’s storyline than his.

 - And Bianca being friend-zoned despite PB bringing her back. Really? PB must know a lot of fans like her. At the very least a lot of tumblr fans. Idk why they wouldn’t want to capitalize on that. Did they really think it wasn’t a good idea to give her a few diamond scenes? Did neglecting her again make them more money? So instead of giving Bianca… literally anything, they give Slater, a completely new character, a couple of diamond scenes and let players be a little flirty with him. 

 - Having Eden/Heath and Kiara getting into an accident was a good twist, I was genuinely worried about them, but I gotta laugh that it took them both out of the competition. I mean, it makes sense. They were seriously injured. Realistically, they wouldn’t be able to compete, but their elimination brought the final 6 to MC, the LIs, Vince, and Ivy/Slater. Determinant 5 of 6 contestants are from S10 and one has been in 3 seasons, 2 of which he quit. That’s so dumb. Like… were there ANY in-universe fans who saw this and thought this show was rigged? I mean, more than fans normally would about reality shows?

 - How did Mack, Adam, and Derek even get on this show? At first I thought MC was surrounded by celebrities. Bianca was a model, Han was an athlete, Ryder was a pop star, etc etc. I assumed everyone else were celebutantes or something and MC was the odd one out who got lucky when they stumbled across Whitney and Jen. But nah, Mack and Adam (and I think Derek too) are just college students who applied for the show to pay for tuition??? If they’re not famous or didn’t come from fame, why did Piper invite them to compete in the first place? What was so special about them that drew her attention. This is a minor complaint, but it’s just weird to see each of the LIs come from regular families like MC. Not that what we got was bad, but like… did they win a contest or something? What’s the deal? Idk if it’s in a diamond scene I didn’t pay for, but it really should be a free piece of characterization. It would’ve made me care more about the LIs and make them more memorable. 

 - Does anyone think the friendship/ally status does anything besides determine who votes for who at the end of the season? Why would they implement the friendship meter from ES if they don’t use it for alternate dialogue? Because they know most of the characters won’t be in the next book? Probably, but still. I can’t tell if Adam hating MC is any different then Adam being MC’s ally besides him voting for them at the end of S10, but even then, that doesn’t make sense because he has ample reason to not vote for Ivy. And yet he still votes for Ivy if he’s anything lower than ally. Again, mostly a b1 complaint.

 - Someone had a great idea (I forget who, but please message me) that the LIs should be an auto vote and for the rest, whether or not they vote for your should be based on a percentage. The higher the relationship status, the higher the chance. Friends being 75%, neutral being 50% or lower, dislike/hate somewhere around 20 -15%. As an idea.

And that’s the major ones, I’m sure there are more other people can tack on.

[formerprincess]

A tale written with fangs and claws || Chapter 18

Chapters: 18/? Fandom: Teen Wolf (TV) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Liam Dunbar/Theo Raeken Characters: Liam Dunbar, Theo Raeken Additional Tags: Alpha Liam Dunbar, Slow Build, Friends to Lovers, Dunbar Pack, Bisexual Liam Dunbar, Werewolf Theo Raeken, Alpha Theo Raeken, Canon-Typical Violence, Smut Series: Part 1 of Morning Dew Pack

The whole pack is in for an emotional rollercoaster this time. 

Liam closed the front door to the pack house behind himself and sighed. It was warm inside the house, he heard the crackle of a fire and felt the warmth and he heard his pack talk in the living room. He took off his jacket and hung it on the coat rack and tied off his shoes before wandering into the living room. The fire was lit in the fireplace, Sadie and Tim were playing chess by the window, Mike, Ever, Maya and Nolan watched TV, and Theo was in one of the chairs and read. They all looked at their Alpha and smiled when he walked in and Liam smiled back. Tim noticed the package the nineteen-year-old was holding in his hand.

“Liam, what’s that?”

Now the others got curious too as Liam walked over and dropped down on the armrest of Theo’s chair. The chimera put his book aside and smiled up at his boyfriend, arm resting on Liam’s upper leg. He was just as curious as the others to see what was in the small package Liam held wrapped with brown paper with colorful prints on it. Liam opened it and retrieved two small sacks, one in bright red and one in a bright blue color. He handed the red sack to Mike and the blue one to Tim and both looked perplexed. The rest of the pack chuckled happily. Mike frowned and played with the little sack. “Liam, what’s this here?”

“Our necklaces!” Maya explained and pulled out her own from under her shirt. “We all have one and they were all in such small sacks.” “I thought this was something you got done for yourselves. As a pack thing.” “Yeah but you’re part of the pack too and it was only a matter of time before you got ones yourself from the pack at the lake.” Theo said calmly.  Mike still looked baffled something would actually give him something. “So is this some kind of pack pledging or something? Do I need to do something?” “You need to listen.” Liam cut in and unfolded the letter that came with the necklaces. 

Mike and Tim,

our fellow pack mates already got their gifts when their pack bound grew stronger after defeating a threat and you didn’t even think about becoming a part of a wolf pack. But times change, here you are now and we are just as happy to welcome you to our family as they were. Being freshly bitten is never easy but we want you to remember you have a family in all of us. People to love and people that will always and unconditionally love you. 

To explain what those necklaces stand for: The Morning Dew Pack has its own pack symbol and every Alpha still decides on their own symbol for their reign. Liam did this too and you surely noticed the various pendants on your pack members’ necks. Those are for you now.

Liam looked at Tim. “You go first.” 

Tim, you have a very soft soul and you are very understanding. Your open mind made it possible for you to seek help when you realized you needed it and you have been a valid part of the pack ever since. Your heart is true and you know how to love and forgive. Your soft character is one of the strongest traits you have, so keep it under all circumstances. We all are proud of you for being so strong and calm. Thank you for not letting the harsh world destroy this for you.

Tim stared at the pendant and the chain he had pulled out of his little sack. It hung on a soft brown leather cord and the pendant itself was a rotund shale plate with both pack symbols painted on it with white paint. Tim’s mouth hung open and he was completely speechless, just staring at the beautiful thing.  “Why are they sending us something like this?“ He suddenly asked. “Something so incredibly beautiful? They don’t know us.“ “They are our pack and that’s how they are.“ Liam explained with a soft smile and Tim nodded with tears in his eyes and happily pressed his necklace against his chest before putting it on.

Mike eyed his little sack and turned it in his hands. For a moment Liam was sure he would decline it, but then he snorted. “Did they write anything about me?“ “They did.“ Liam answered.

Mike, you’re probably more stubborn than Sadie but it also means you have a very strong character. We congratulate you on this, it’s a good thing to have. You are strong and you stick to your beliefs but you are also able to understand the difference between people who really care and people who just use you for money and admit when you were wrong. Let it be known, this pack will never use you nor your money. You are wanted here and we all deeply care about you, son. We are family.

Mike’s pendant hung from a silver leather cord and was a copper plate in oval shape. The symbols were burned into both sides of the plate. Mike looked at it from all sides and then he slowly exhaled. “I don‘t know when was the last time somebody made me something.“ He muttered and just like Tim he had tears in his eyes. “That’s pack.“ Sadie suddenly said. “I had to learn that too, that sometimes this can mean something good.“ She smiled at Liam who nodded with a fond smile and a proud look on his face. He surveyed his pack and laced this fingers with Theo’s. This was their family and despite all the hardships they already come so far and still had years of all kinds of experiences waiting for them. And he couldn’t wait for Thanksgiving to have the whole pack together.

He felt a tug at his hoodie string and averted his eyes from his pack to look at Theo. His boyfriend smirked and then he tugged at Liam’s hoodie string once more, pulling him in. Their lips touched in a sweet kiss and Theo teasingly nipped at his bottom lip. “I didn’t get a welcome kiss.“ He joked and Liam chuckle. “How could I forget that?“ And just because he could, he put his hand on Theo’s cheek and kissed him again, deeper but still as sweet as before. Theo’s heartbeat picked up at that and he sighed into the kiss, making Liam smile again. He did this quite often lately. All because right now, he was happy and his life was simply perfect.

****** The Betas were gathered in the kitchen of their house, Theo trying to store away all groceries they had bought while at the same time defending the cookies he also bought from hungry wolves. It was all fun and games until they heard the front door slam and immediately their heads spun around, alarmed and ready to pounce. And then Liam barged into the kitchen, cell phone pressed against his ear, and his face, as well as the tone of his voice, portrayed how angry he was. Not that his chemosignals weren’t another indicator, no. Liam was fuming with rage and it was enough to make the whole pack tensed.

“You know nothing about them because you are not here. Why do you think I asked you to come to Seattle? Just to meet Theo and me? We are fine, we don‘t need constant monitoring from our former Alpha!“ Theo mouthed Scott’s name when the Betas looked at him, unsure what to do. Their Alpha was angry and they all were at loss. But Theo stayed relatively calm, watching Liam while bracing his hands on the countertop. Liam himself was pacing through the kitchen. “Liam, I know I promised you to come and I am sorry I had to cancel. I was just surprised you didn’t tell me about you seemingly finding a new pack.“ Scott tried to reason with his Beta but it only fueled Liam’s anger. “I could not tell you because you barely listen to me! When was the last time we had a long talk? I know you’re busy with saving every werewolf in existence but for the love of god, Scott, I was your first bitten Beta, you should pay a little attention to me too. I could have died! And this is not me being jealous of Alec or any other wolf you come across, this is just me stating facts! You didn’t even bother to ask about Thanksgiving. I mean, come on, Scott, I’m aware you have a lot on your plate but seriously?”

A part of Liam knew he was being unfair but right now he was too riled up to care. Liam tried to focus on Theo being there, his anchor, but when Scott started to defend himself and excuse himself, it didn’t. “I know I’m not doing anything right, Liam, but I’m trying. It’s hard with everyone scattered all around the states.“ “Well, you could try a little harder! It’s possible to manage a pack scattered across different places. With weekly calls for example.“ Liam snapped and then hung up. He did the same thing with his pack, dammit! He threw his phone on the counter and then braced his arms on it, head hung low, while he pressed his eyes shut and tried to calm down.

“Liam?“ Ever hesitantly asked, worry etched on her face just like insecurity. They all had no idea how to handle an Alpha who was that pissed and had the anger rolling off him in waves. Theo was the only one brave enough to approach him and so he stepped behind Liam and massaged his shoulders before pressing a soft kiss on Liam‘s neck. “Talk to us.“ He said softly, not really demanding since he knew it wasn’t good to pressure Liam in times like this.

Liam didn’t reply but pushed himself off and moved away. Theo’s hands slipped from his shoulders but Theo didn’t move to grab Liam again when he stormed out of the kitchen and upstairs. “What is he doing?“ Mike asked. “Going for a run.“ Theo simply answered. “He needs to blow off steam and he feels caged right now.“ “Because of us?“ Sadie asked. “Because he’s angry at Scott, angry at himself for being angry at Scott, his anger issues act up, all together. Let him. He will calm down in a while.“ The second Alpha calmed their Betas down.

Liam meanwhile ripped his shirt over his head and threw it away before changing into a tank top. He had already put on running shorts and shoes and now grabbed his music player. He was so incredibly angry and despite how chilly it was outside, his light clothing would literally cool him down, aside from the running giving him an outlet. He spun around again and left his room, racing down the stairs and outside. And when his feet hit the pavement, he started running.

Music was blaring in his ears and overloaded his senses but he didn’t care as he raced through the streets and into a park. How long he ran at a relatively fast speed, Liam paid no real attention but when his lungs finally burned and his whole body ached, he slowed down. Taking some several deep breaths, Liam steadied his hands on his knees and looked around. He ran quite far and going back when his whole body ached would be a bitch but it also helped clear his head even more. It helped him think differently about the call and he knew he had lashed out and had been a bit unfair to Scott. But it was too late now, they just had to talk another time and make up again. Scott thankfully wasn’t resentful.

Turning down the volume of his music, Liam started walking back home. He shivered, the chill air and him being drenched in sweat even made an Alpha werewolf run cold, and he was happy when he finally saw the familiar house coming up after a while. He opened the door and basked in the warmth inside. This was where he belonged, this was his home.

His way led him into the kitchen again where he found his pack, gathered around the island again, but this time to fill bowls with all kinds of snacks and candy. “We decided to just have a slow night, curl up on the living room floor by the fire, talk and eat candy.“ Maya said when she spotted Liam.

“And hot cocoa.“ Sadie added from her place at the stove where she was making said hot chocolate. Theo looked at Liam, took in his appearance, and popped a mini marshmallow in his mouth, eyes never leaving Liam’s. They shared a look and Liam got the silent question if he was alright again and nodded curtly.

“I’ll take a shower and then I’ll join you.“ He mumbled and when he walked past them Ever softly squeezed his arm in silent support. It made him smile softly while he ascended the stairs. He was tired but the outlook to have a quiet night with his friends was enough to keep him up. And the hot water of the shower helped him relax even more and warm him again, so when he trotted back into the living room, dressed in a grey hoodie and black sweatpants paired with fluffy socks, he felt better than before. The pack had already settled on top of the many blankets and pillows they had thrown to the floor after they pushed the couch table aside. The fire was warming the room and the only source of light in the otherwise dark room. The bowls full of candy stood on the floor between them all and Liam settled next to Theo before grabbing a handful of gummy bears.

“Feeling better?” Mike asked Liam and he nodded.  “Liam, what exactly happened? You were already so angry when you came home. What did Scott say?” Sadie inquired. “I mean, you don’t have to tell us, of course, but we are worried.” Liam sighed deeply. “I don’t know how it happened. We started talking and everything was fine but suddenly he mentioned the talk with Lydia and asked why I didn’t tell him I got a new pack. One word led to another and suddenly I got so angry and snapped.” He shrugged helplessly when he ended and Theo rubbed his shoulder in a comforting gesture before pulling him closer. Liam smiled sadly and leaned against his boyfriend. “I will probably call him and say I’m sorry.” “Wait a day or two. You may have been angry but in the end, you said some things which were true, so you both should consider some things. Talk in a few days, after you both calmed down.” Theo muttered and kissed Liam’s cheek. Liam snuggled closer to him and nodded. “Hm, maybe you’re right.”

He sighed and then cleared his throat. “Let’s stop talking about that and instead talk about other things, shall we?” He suggested and his Betas nodded and they all fell into an easy conversation about Thanksgiving and how excited they all were.  "It’s sad but I really can’t remember a Thanksgiving I didn’t spend with people who were not paid to spend time with me.” Mike said with a thoughtful look before reaching over and grabbing a hand of chocolate beans to eat. “So I am really excited, guys, even though I may not jump around like the rest of you.” “We know you are. You don’t have to jump around.” Maya said with a soft smile. “Though I would love to see you jump around, not gonna lie.” “Well, that...never happens.” “Why? Because you think you’re too cool?” Sadie asked sarcastically. Mike grinned, “Because I’m too old for it now.” He mimicked the voice of an old man. “When you experience the things I experienced, when you saw the things I saw, when you did what I did, then you will understand, young lady.” Nolan started to giggle hysterically. “That was comedy gold!” He gasped out, tears streamed down his face while he still tried to compose himself. “I didn’t know you could do something like that.” Mike shrugged with a grin. “There are still a lot of things you don’t know about me and I’m sure I don’t know a lot of things about you as well.” “Okay, then tell us one thing we don’t know about you yet.” Theo prompted curiously. Mike tilted his head while he thought about something. 

“When I was still in high school, I hacked my parents’ company.” He then decided on something.  “You what? Really? I mean, I know you are good with computers but why?” Ever asked and scrunched her nose in confusion. Mike sighed. “I didn’t want to commit a crime but I wanted to see how far I could come. It wasn’t my intention to cause any harm.” “And how long did your parents ground you?” Liam wanted to know, an amused smile twitching at the corners of his mouth, Mike grumbled. “Not one day. When they found out it was me they simply said ‘Oh.’, turned around and walked away, back to their work.” He explained and added bitterly: “They didn’t even care enough to ground me!” Tim gave him a comforting squeeze on his leg and Mike gave his best friend a grateful smile. Liam could not wrap his head around how little parents could care about their children. But on the other hand, his biological father was like that too...

And since they already had the topic of terrible parents, Liam decided to join. “My father, my biological father I mean, was abusive.” He enunciated and they all stared at him. Theo, the only one who knew the story, put one arm around Liam’s shoulder to give him a little bit of support. Liam shrugged his shoulders. “He was very tyrannical and intended to make sure my mother knew her place. Verbally at first, then he started to hit her and later he also hit me. When he beat me to up so badly I needed to go to the hospital, my mom finally realized she needed to divorce him. It was just her and me for years after that and we had to recover from what happened. Since the day at the court I haven’t seen my father, I don’t even know where he is.” “Oh my god, Liam. When you said your father wasn’t a good dad, I simply thought he didn’t care, I never expected this. I am so sorry.” Sadie said shocked. Ever nodded and reached over to pat Liam’s leg. Liam smiled sadly. “I have a great dad now. My stepdad is really awesome, you will see at Thanksgiving. And he also loves my mom with all his heart. I couldn’t have asked for a better partner for her.”

"They must be really amazing parents, their son is already pretty amazing.” Maya said with a soft smile. “Can’t wait to meet them.” Liam smiled at her and bowed his head. “Thank you, Maya. They will love all of you for sure.” “Really? All of us?” Mike asked with a grin. Theo chuckled. “Hey, they took me in and treated me like their second son. When they can love me, they for sure will love you.” He pointed out.  Liam looked at him and grinned. “I’m still happy they didn’t adopt you. That would have been weird, dating my brother.” “Kinky!” Maya, Tim, and Mike said at the same time and laughed. Theo just rolled his eyes. “Well, we would have made it work for sure.” He kissed Liam before the young Alpha could say anything against it and Liam just melted into the kiss and kissed back.

When they pulled away again, Liam smiled at his boyfriend and Theo smiled back but Liam also saw some sort of hesitation in his boyfriend’s beautiful hazel eyes. He made a questioning face and Theo seemed to ponder on something before he sighed. He then turned towards the rest of the pack, hand squeezing Liam’s and never letting go. “Since we’re already having some serious topics here, might as well jump the bandwagon and tell you my story.” He addressed what was on his mind and Liam’s eyes widened slightly. He knew that this was hard for Theo to talk about and that he was willing to do it, took a lot of bravery. He squeezed Theo’s hand back in silent support while the Betas curiously waited for the second Alpha to elaborate. 

“I was born and raised in Beacon Hills and lived with my parents and my older sister Tara. I was a quiet kid, battling asthma, and since I was very reserved and serious I didn’t have many friends. A few kids I played with but that was it. Scott and Stiles were a few of those kids, I played Little league with Stiles at some point but that’s not really important right now. When I was the age of nine, three people in leather mask suddenly showed up and started talking to me.” “The Dread Doctors you once mentioned?” Ever asked and Theo nodded. He took a deep breath and continued.

“They...told me a war was about to happen. Two very powerful creatures and nothing could stop them, it was like some sort of prophecy or something. I was eight, I didn’t understand everything they said but I understood it was bad. And then they told me I could do something, that they could help me survive this war. I didn’t know when this war would happen but I was deadly afraid of what they told me and I didn’t want to die. I was just a kid, it didn’t cross my mind they were lying or manipulating me, they told me they saw greatness in me after all. That I was the perfect one for their plans. And after weeks they told me that my sister wasn’t strong enough to survive the war and that they had talked to her too and that she accepted her fate.” Theo swallowed around the lump in his throat and Liam put his arm around the chimera.  “You don’t have to continue if you don’t want to. It’s okay.” He mumbled but Theo shook his head and blinked away the tears in his eyes. “They should know. I want to tell them now. I already started.”

He swallowed again and rubbed over his eyes and decided to rip it off like a band-aid. “The Dread Doctors told me my sister wanted me to have her heart and that this was the only way I could become strong enough to survive the war. They also told me that because my sister was weak she wanted me to have her heart but would still beg and scream when it was finally time to give her heart to me. Long story short, they had manipulated me for weeks and when Tara and I were in the preserve and she fell into the creek, I did nothing to help her. She froze and I did nothing, just watched her. That day I killed my sister, just like the Dread Doctors wanted me to, and when she was dead, they came and took us both back to the laboratory to transplant her heart in my chest.” He stopped once again and looked down at his hands, not daring to look at his Betas. They all stared at him and nobody said something. Liam rubbed his back and tried to give his boyfriend the best support he could at this very moment. 

Theo collected himself after a while and continued. “My parents were devasted after Tara’s death. Their favorite child was dead and they never got over it; the Dread Doctors made me leave with them anyway and for years I was their experiment, the first chimera. I saw others come and go but they never survived and I learned you only survive if you have power, so I needed to gather more power. To survive their experiments and become their ultimate experiment.”

“The Beast.” Liam cut in and Theo nodded. It wasn’t easy to talk about all this but he felt the need to continue.

“When I heard about the True Alpha Scott McCall and his pack in Beacon Hills my plan set into motion. There is rarely a bigger power than a True Alpha’s power and so it was pretty straight. Kill Scott McCall and take his power as well as his pack. Because they all had this powerful dark side. The only problem was that the one able to take A True Alpha’s power is a Beta bitten by them and so I manipulated Liam.”

“I have to say that this was a time where my first girlfriend, Hayden, was dying. She was also a chimera and her body repulsed the changes. I begged Scott to bite her and save her life but he refused and I felt so betrayed. Theo’s manipulation was just the last straw. Add a supermoon to that and you have an explosive mixture. I completely lost it and tried to kill Scott so I could become an Alpha and give Hayden the bite.” Liam said quietly. It wasn’t fair to give Theo all the blame in this.  “But you didn’t and in the end, I went back to kill Scott myself.” “Since his mother brought him back, you also didn’t really kill him.” Liam added yet again and Theo just shrugged. 

“I did a lot of bad things, even though I didn’t become the Beast. I brought some people back from the dead to have my own pack and then killed most members of it again to get their powers. The only ones who survived were Corey and Hayden. I was responsible for Scott and Stiles having a fallout and for Lydia to land in Eichen House. I did everything to gain power.” Theo wrung his fingers. “Kira, a kitsune, put an end to it when she sent me to hell. And for three agonizing months, I had my dead sister rip my heart out over and over again in a neverending circle.”

“How did you came back?” Maya asked, but her voice sounded clipped and strange.

Theo, however, was too caught in his story to really notice. “Liam brought me back. He used Kira’s sword because he thought I could help against the Ghost Riders with the powers I stole from the dead chimeras. We found out I lost the powers while I was in hell but Liam still decided to not send me back.” “You changed.” Liam stressed. “That’s why.” “Yeah, I wasn't power hungry anymore, I just wanted to survive. After Ghost Riders came the hunters and the war and I was lonely, without any home or any ties. I slept in my truck because who would take in a chimera who tried to kill anybody? Nobody and I deserved all of this. I deserved the pack’s distrust and hate and despite us having to fight together, I deserved every mean word they sad to me, every punch and every broken nose. I still wonder how they came around in the end and started to accept me.” 

“Hey.” Liam said softly but he made Theo look at him before kissing him firmly. “You changed. You’re not the Theo who came to Beacon Hills back then. That Theo was left in hell. You are the real Theo, the good Theo. And we know it.” He told his partner and kissed him again to convey the meaning of his words. Liam actually expected his pack to agree but when he and Theo finally looked at the Betas, they all stared at them, unreadable expressions on their faces. Liam felt Theo squeeze his hands so tightly he almost broke the bones when minutes ticked by and none had said anything, and the Alpha cleared his throat. “We probably should all go to bed. It’s late anyway. We can clean up here tomorrow.” 

Maybe a good night’s sleep to let all of this sink in would help to relieve the tension in the air. The Betas hastily got to their feet and scattered away. Liam and Theo slowly got to their feet too and Liam pulled Theo along, upstairs and into their room. When the door closed behind them, he wrapped his arms around Theo from the side and kissed his temple. “I’m proud of you.” He said softly.

“Hm.” Theo made an unconvinced sound and gently freed himself from Liam to change into pajamas and brush his teeth. When he was done he walked back into the room and sat on the edge of the bed. Liam let him, deciding to not pressure Theo into talking right now, and changed too as well as brushing his teeth. 

When he walked back into their bedroom, Theo still sat at the edge of the bed and stared at the floor. “They hate me.” He said in a broken voice and Liam saw the tears in his eyes. “Have you seen their faces? They hate me.” 

“Baby!” Liam said bewilderedly and sat down next to Theo to put a hand on his leg and the other around his shoulders. “Nobody hates you! They were just shocked. They all know you as the good Theo, they didn’t know about your story, that’s all. It is shocking, we both know that, but you changed. That’s important.”

Theo shook his head and could barely look at Liam. “They hate me and they will never trust me again. I’ll leave the pack if you want me to. I would understand. If I were them, I would hate me too. I do it anyway.”

“Hey, hey!” Liam said and wrapped both arms around his boyfriend. “No one’s going to leave the pack! They don’t hate you, they just need some time to let it think in. Maybe it was all a bit too much but it’s good you told them. Took a lot of bravery from you and I am so proud of you, baby.” He consoled Theo and stroke over his back while hugging him tightly. Theo leaned against him and cried into his chest, clutching Liam’s shirt with one hand. “I wanted them to know, I couldn’t hide anymore. They are my family, they should know and I wanted them to know. I destroyed everything.” He sobbed. “Shh.” Liam mumbled. Liam’s heart clenched painfully,. Seeing his lover like this broke his heart, Theo didn’t deserve this. He could understand his Betas initial shock but another part of him wanted to storm into their rooms and yell at them for making his boyfriend cry.  

He decided to focus on Theo instead and when Theo finally stopped crying he moved them both into bed and under the covers. Pulling Theo close, he felt the chimera press even closer to him as if he was seeking shelter and Liam soothingly stroke through his hair. “They will come around. They don’t hate you.” He muttered softly and Theo sniffled.  “I hope you are right but like I said, I could understand if they do hate me and don’t trust me anymore.” “Shh.” Liam said. “Try to sleep. Tomorrow is a new day and we will see from there.” Theo sniffled again and clung to Liam, almost as if he was afraid Liam would leave too. Liam could do nothing more than to hold him. 

None of them noticed their Betas overhearing their conversation and then meeting in Ever’s room. “He thinks we hate him.” Tim announced after he had closed the door. He was leaned against it, Mike leaned against the wall while the three girls sat on Ever’s bed and Nolan leaned against her desk.  “Well, he can’t hold our distant behavior against us.” Sadie cut in. “But we don’t hate him.” Maya replied. “Yes, what we heard was shocking but we don’t hate him. It’s Theo! Our big brother!” “Hate is a strong word, agreed.” Ever said but she didn’t confirm Maya’s other statement.

Mike cleared his throat and stepped away from the wall. “Can we all stop acting like fucking hypocrites right now? Yes, I never expected Theo to have such a backstory but who are we to judge? We weren’t there, we weren’t living in Beacon Hills when all this shit went down. We have no right to judge Theo for what he did in the past. And he got sent to hell! Hell! If that doesn’t change a person, I don’t know what does! Also, Liam was one of the people he manipulated and tired it kill. Liam was there and he should hate Theo’s guts but instead? He loves him! He forgave him! If Liam can forgive Theo, who are we to hold a grudge and claim we don’t trust him anymore?”

“Mike’s right.” Nolan said. He had his arms crossed in front of his chest and had looked at the floor but now he looked up. “If you hate Theo and say you can’t trust him anymore, you have to hate me too. I was manipulated by another person, just like Theo, and I know how easy it can be for people to get into your head, especially when you are young and afraid. I was on the side of the hunters and at some point, I was okay with Liam and the others dying because they were something I didn’t understand and was scared of. And I was also okay with humans dying because they stood with the supernaturals. So you kick Theo out, you kick me out too because I did nothing different.”

“You both changed.” Mike stressed. “Otherwise you wouldn’t be part of this pack. You may not trust Theo at the moment but trust Liam. He took Theo and Nolan in, Theo even in his home without fearing he would kill him in his sleep. Trust our Alpha’s judgment, guys!”

“Also, I was there, at the hospital, I saw Theo taking Gabe’s pain; the pain of a guy who had tried to kill him minutes ago. Liam once said to take the pain you not only need to care but you also need to be completely selfless and put another’s wellbeing over yours because you take their pain into your body. This takes a really good heart, guys.”

The Betas were silent after this, all lost in thoughts.” We should have at least told him we are thankful for him being honest.” Tim stated after a while and the others nodded.

****** Liam woke up the next day and immediately checked on Theo next to him. The chimera was hidden under the blankets and still wrapped in Liam’s arm as if he sought protection from all bad feelings during the night, It still made his heart clench and he softly stroke through Theo’s hair. The night had been unruly, Theo didn’t have nightmares per se but he kept tossing and turning and Liam never really slept tightly, always keeping his attention on Theo in case the older freaked out.

So now he was in desperate need of coffee and he planned on making breakfast and bringing it to Theo, spoil his boyfriend a bit before he had to face the harsh reality. He carefully slipped out of bed and Theo clung to his pillow and then quietly left the room to walk down into the kitchen.  His nose was hit with the smell of pancakes and when he walked into the kitchen, the whole pack was already there. Ever was at the stove making pancakes, the others all around the kitchen. They stopped talking when Liam entered and immediately got guilty looks on their faces.

“Liam? We wanted to say sorry. We didn’t react so well last night.” Maya tried first. “No, you didn’t.” Liam simply confirmed, face blank. He was still angry at them and his loyalty was currently parted between his Betas and the love of his life.  “We were shocked and I guess that’s perfectly understandable.” Sadie took over from Maya. “It is but that doesn’t mean you should have left him like this.” Liam scolded and his Betas hunched their shoulders in shame.  “We’re sorry, Lee.” Tim muttered. “Don’t tell me this, I’m not the one you should apologize too!”

They looked like kicked puppies and the caring part inside Liam felt bad for them. They obviously felt really sorry about last night.

How sorry they were showed moments later when Theo entered the kitchen and stopped dead in his tracks when everyone looked at him. Liam saw the way the chimera’s eyes wandered to the doorway, almost as if he was looking for an escape way. He didn’t talk but eyed the pack with panic in his eyes. It hurt Liam to realize Theo expected a bad reaction from the pack or a punishment. 

Mike was the first to step forward and wrap his arms around Theo. He didn’t say anything but the sheer gesture took Theo completely by surprise. It took a while until he hugged Mike back and when they finally parted Sadie was the next to hug Theo. The whole pack, aside from Liam, hugged Theo one after another with Ever being the last one. 

“We are sorry, big brother. It was just something we never expected and yes it was shocking but we should have cleaned the air and not make you feel like we repulse you or anything.” “You are and will forever be our Theo. Our second Alpha and we all trust you with our lives. Can you forgive us?” Tim said Liam was pretty sure there were some puppy eyes thrown into the mix.  Theo stared at them, still visibly in shock, then he slowly seemed to find his words again. “You guys don’t hate me?” “Never did.” Maya said with a smile. “So, do you forgive us?” Mike asked and Theo nodded, still overwhelmed. Next moment he was engulfed in a group hug from all Betas and Liam stood there and watched his pack with a soft smile and tears in his eyes. 

“We made blueberry pancakes, your favorite.” Ever told Theo and wiped her eyes. They all looked kind of teary-eyed, especially Theo, who smiled weakly and then walked over to Liam to wrap his arms around him and bury his head in the crook of Liam’s neck. Liam smiled and hugged him back instantly. “I love you.” He muttered into Theo’s ear. “I love you too.” Theo muttered back and squeezed him. Liam was just happy everything turned out fine again.

****** “If you play one more Christmas song, I will kick you out and leave you on the side of the road!” Theo threatened and gripped the steering wheel tighter. “It’s not even Thanksgiving yet, so leave it.” “Geez, you’re a real Grinch.” Sadie said and giggled. Theo growled and looked over to Liam in the passenger seat.  “Why did we had to take the girls with us? I’d rather have the guys in my truck right now.” “Hey!” Maya, Ever, and Sadie yelled from the backseat and Liam laughed.  “It just happened.” He said nonchalantly and turned around to check if Isaac was still following. Nolan in the passenger seat of Isaac’s car saw him and raised his hand to wave. Liam grinned and waved back. While Theo and he had gotten the three girls, Nolan and Isaac were driving with Tim and Mike. Corey and Mason would drive to the lake by themselves and his mother took the train and Bernie had offered to pick her up from the train station since he had some business around. Liam’s dad had to switch shifts with a sick colleague so he wouldn’t attend the Thanksgiving dinner but hopefully would be able to celebrate Christmas with his family. 

Liam now sat back again and looked ahead. It had started snowing slightly but steadily got more the longer they drove. “I can drive too if you want. You worked until late last night after all.” He offered. Theo smiled and took his hand from the gear shift to lace his fingers with Liam’s.  “It’s okay, baby, I’m not tired.” “Maybe you should drink less coffee. Or decaffeinated in that case. You could sleep in the car.” Ever suggested and Theo glanced at her in the rearview mirror.  “Decaf is for quitters! I don’t quit! I don’t plan on sleeping until we’re there. And I slept last night.” “How much? Two hours?” “Three.” Theo simply answered, still holding Liam’s hand. “But don’t worry, I have an Alpha who takes care of me.” He said and raised their interlaced hands to press a loving kiss on the back of Liam’s hand. Liam bit his lip and looked out of the window, a blush spreading across his cheeks. Despite him and Theo being in a very committed relationship, he still got abashed by actions like this. It was just so sweet and he saw Theo smirking from the corner of his eyes and heard the girls coo in the background. 

 “But speaking of switching - and no this is not me talking about our Alpha’s bedroom activities - I would like to switch the backseat for the seat of a diner to eat something.” Maya suddenly called out and pointedly ignored the look Liam gave her before sticking his tongue out. She laughed and could not refrain from sticking her tongue out too.

“But she’s right, we all haven’t had breakfast yet.” They had left very early to have more time at the lake and so breakfast had suffered. Now, after some time on the road, they all got hungry. So Liam decided they really should stop by the next Diner or fast food restaurant. 

Reaching over he pressed the buttons on the hands-free kit and dialed Isaac’s number. It didn’t take long for him to pick up. “Food?” “Yep.” Liam answered. “Thank god!” “A few more minutes.” Theo said after a sign appeared next to the road. “Can you do that?”

Turned out they could and when the cars stopped in front of the restaurant, they all spilled out of the cars. Liam stretched and was pulled into the restaurant by Isaac who loosely draped his one arm around Liam’s shoulders and the other around Nolan’s and walked in. Finding two tables they could push together and then they ordered their food and soon sat down with all kinds of greasy food.

“So unhealthy.” Sadie said and bit into her bacon burger.  “Yeah, hence why you have the greasiest stuff on the menu.” Mike shot back and she gave him the finger while chewing.  Liam chuckled and drank from his milkshake. His other hand rested on Theo’s leg who was quietly sipping yet another coffee and ate his waffles. “You okay?” He asked while going in for a soft kiss. Theo kissed him back and nodded. “Guess the coffee’s broken, I’m getting a bit tired. Not too much but I know I won’t stay up late tonight.” The chimera explained and Liam nodded. Theo had been working his ass off lately and he was happy his boyfriend now had a few days to just relax and calm down. And Liam would make sure Theo enjoyed the holidays absolutely.

“Nobody expects you to.” Liam mumbled and kissed Theo again. The older grinned into the kiss and put his arm around Liam to pull him closer to himself their food and drinks long forgotten. It was really easy to blend out everything and just focus on Theo, and so Liam had to blink when they parted for air and everybody was staring at them with amused expressions on their face.

“What?” He asked, “You’re making out like horny teenagers.” Isaac said with a grin.  “Love must be beautiful. You’re so cute.”  “Jealous?” Theo asked with a raised eyebrow and a cocky grin. Isaac shook his head. “Not at all!”

Liam just scoffed and stole a piece of Theo’s waffles. In exchange, Theo got a bit from his burger and Liam leaned against him. Looking outside he noticed it had started to snow more. “Should get going soon. I don’t want the streets to get too snowed in.” He thought out loud and continued eating his burger. Despite the weather, they had to eat. But the others seemed to agree with him because they all managed to eat in record time and then they left the restaurant and piled into the cars again. 

“Brr, it got cold!” Ever complained and huddled into her scarf. She rubbed her hands together and snapped her fingers and the flame on her hands appeared again, instantly warming the whole car. 

“Thank you.” Liam said with a smile and the witch smiled back and nodded while she let her flame dance over her hands. Theo shifted the gear and the truck started moving again. Sadie used it to start yet another Christmas song and Theo groaned when he heard the melody. 

“O’Mara!”

“What? This song is great!” And just because she could, she started singing along with Santa Baby.

“First of all, the song is good but if you start to sing along now I will surely leave you here! And secondly, you have to sing this sultrier.” Theo corrected her. “Like this: 

Think of all the fun I've missed, think of all the fellas that I haven't kissed. Next year I could be just as good...if you'd check off my Christmas list

.” He sang the few words in a husky, profligate voice and when nobody said anything about it, he turned his head. Liam gaped at him, just like the girls. “What now?”

“That was....” Maya began. “Probably the hottest you ever sounded. Do that again!” Liam exclaimed and Theo laughed. “I’m not a singer, I just have a good ear for melody.” “And I’m the queen of motherfucking Narnia.” Maya mumbled behind him. Liam had to agree with her.  “I didn’t know you could sing at all.” “I don’t do it often but my shower head is quite fond of my vocal skills.” “I knew you could be vocal but actually having vocal skills? I’m impressed.” Liam complimented him and Ever and Sadie squeaked while Maya laughed. “TMI, Alpha!” Theo laughed loudly at that. “Your fault for starting this song!”

“I meant he’s good with words. Get your mind out of the gutter!” Liam innocently said but his grin destroyed the illusion. He had meant it exactly how they understood it and now he reached over to squeeze Theo’s leg. “I know which song will be playing in their bedroom from now on.” Maya said thoughtfully and Sadie and Ever squeaked again before laughing.

****** Liam had slouched in his seat but when he spotted the lake, he immediately sat straight up. He watched the water which appeared frozen glinting in the sun and the forest glistening with snow. A winter wonderland all around with the winter sun shining brightly. It looked amazing! “Feels like coming home, hm?” Theo said and Liam nodded enthusiastically. They shared a private smile and then Theo drove into the smaller road leading to the lake. “Are those Christmas lights?” Liam laughed. “They are! Look they give us a lead!”  Theo grinned and followed the street illuminated with colorful lights until they stopped in front of Lana’s and Byron’s cabin. 

The minute Theo turned off the engine, the door flew open and Lana and Byron exited their cabin. Liam climbed out of the truck, barely rounded it and was pulled into a tight hug by Lana.

“Liam, Theo, I am so happy to see you! Welcome back!” She exclaimed and hugged Liam for several moments before letting go in favor of hugging Theo who had hugged Byron first. The two younger ones switched and Liam beamed at Byron. “Gramps!” Byron smiled back and pulled Liam into a tight bear-hug. “My sons, welcome back!”

It was amazing to have them back and talk to Lana and Byron face to face and Liam realized how much he had missed them. They were still as loving and as welcoming as they had been on the first visit and when the pack gathered around them, the former Alpha couple hugged all of them and gave them a warm welcome. 

Lana clapped happily afterward. “Look at all of them, Byron, so mature and so beautiful. Such a strong core pack for such a strong Alpha. We are so proud of you and we can’t wait until you meet the rest of the pack. But now come in, we have hot punch and we can talk a bit before they all arrive.”

She led them inside and they all found a place in the living room and soon they all had a mug with steaming hot punch in hand. Liam needed one look at his Betas faces to see how amazed they were by the warm welcome and they liked it here from the start. Talking to Lana and Byron came as easy to them as it came to Liam and Theo and the young Alpha could lean back, sip his punch and just watch,

And then they heard the squeal of car brakes. “Bernie really needs to get his brakes oiled.” Lana said with a laugh and Liam got up. If Bernie was back that meant his mom was here and Liam was dying to see her. He opened the door and ran outside, just as she exited Bernie’s car.

“Mom!”

Liam ran over to her and flung his arms around his mother. She laughed and hugged him back. “Liam, sweetie!” She hugged her son and when he finally let her go, she took his face in her hands. “Look at you, all mature and so grown up. When did you grow up? And you’re growing a beard.” Her thumbs stroke over his cheeks and Liam nodded happily, happy tears in his eyes. He really had not shaved in a few days now.

Theo stepped behind him and Liam’s mom beamed at him just like she did at her son. “You didn’t shave either. Should I call you son-in-law now?” She joked and Theo laughed before hugging her. “Only if Liam askes.” He joked back when they parted and she gently punched his chest. “He will ask you, I will take care of that!” “Mom!” Liam laughed and she reached out to run a hand over his cheek. 

Ilona Geyer had the same sharp facial features as her son but her eyes were grey instead of blue so the only thing Liam got from his biological father were his eyes. Ilona was smaller than her son but she was agile and bubbly and Liam loved her like no other. 

Now he introduced her to his pack. “Mom, those are Maya, Sadie, Tim, Mike, Ever, you already know Nolan, Isaac, Lana, and Byron. Lana and Byron own the cabins around, we met them during our summer vacation.” He introduced them and they all greeted his mom politely. Not only because they had manners but also, even though she had no idea about the supernatural world, she was the Alpha’s mother and so they highly respected her. Lana stepped forward and shook Ilona’s hand. “You have two great boys! They are truly wonderful and they both are very loyal! You did a great job! Especially your son has a very big heart.” She praised and Ilona looked proudly at Liam and Theo.

“That sounds like my boys.” She said, right when Mason’s car stopped behind Bernie’s car. Only a few moments later Mason and Corey got out and were happily greeted by the pack. Liam happily hugged his best friend and Corey as well and then he looked at Theo. “Now that everybody is here, we can have great holidays.” He said. 

Theo smiled and reached out to brush snow out of Liam’s hair. “Right. Maybe we should go inside, it’s getting a bit snowy.” 

“Yes, yes, inside, you’re all wearing no jackets. I don’t want you to get sick!” Ilona shooed them all inside and Liam shared a look with Theo. They both were used to Liam’s mom caring for everyone and now just smiled and rolled their eyes fondly. They were the last ones to step inside and Theo gently pulled him back. “Hey.”

“Hm?” Liam asked and got his answer when he got pulled into a loving kiss. He wrapped his arms around Theo’s waist and smiled at his boyfriend. “I love you.” They said at the same time and again rolled their eyes when everybody else cooed at them. 

“And I was worried this was a joke from you.” Lana teased. Liam shook his head and snuggled closer to Theo. “Not a joke but the best present I will get this year for sure.”

Tissues, anybody? *holds out box* The situation between Scott and Liam tapers. Also, I nominate Mike for president! And Nolan as vice-president. Yes, Liam refers to Theo as 'love of his life' in his thoughts already. And they are at the lake, yay. Next chapter we will have the pack celebrating Thanksgiving like the big family they are. I'm excited.

[foreverinfires-blog]

Min Yoongi was in the all the major music groups in your high school. He was the only one to touch the piano during practices. He basically owned the piano. He talked a whole lot during practices, but you didn’t see much of him outside of class. You knew that he hung around six other boys, the popular flower boys as the school calls them; the student council president Kim Namjoon, varsity trio boys Jeon Jungkook, Park Jimin, Kim Taehyung, dance team leader/choreographer Jung Hoseok and drama class lead actor Kim Seokjin. You were friendly with Jimin and Taehyung since they were in all your classes. They were really friendly and introduced you to the rest of the boys. It was nice. Every lunch, you would spend it with them. You weren’t anything special. You participated in school related events so, people knew who you were, but other than that you were just average. You did love singing though. When they heard you sing for the first time, they demanded Yoongi to take you to the choir group and make you audition. You got in easily and you were spending your after school time with Yoongi. He didn’t talk much at first, but you didn’t mind. You wanted to let him open up to you when he was comfortable to do so. There were other people in the groups so, you ended up spending time with them. The choir teacher gave you a solo to perform for the upcoming festival because she felt like she needed to see if you were up for the challenge. You were up for the challenge and you asked Yoongi if he could come play piano for you as you practiced. He complained and said he had so much things to do already, but he was the one to remind you about practicing with him after school. Practice with him became an opportunity to get to know him since he talked the most when he was in front of the grand piano. You never noticed Yoongi until he first played the piano. You can feel the raw emotion portrayed when he played, like the piano was an extension of him. As you continued to practice with him, he started to open to you little by little until you started to look forward to your practice with him. Even though he didn’t talk very much, you talked to him about the randomest things, but even though you thought he wasn’t listening, he would ask you to continue on your story or ask a question about what you were saying despite him cleaning the piano or he was distracted with something else. It was a normal practice day and you entered the music room. You see that Yoongi is already there, sitting in front of the piano.

“Hey Yoongi. Whatcha up to?” You asked as you made your way down the stairs.

“I’m writing a song.” He blankly replied without looking up.

“Oh really? About?” You said, making your way towards him. You went to look over his shoulder and you could only make out some words before you notice Yoongi move a little bit forward.

“... It’s kinda personal.” He said.

“I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to impose.” You said, a little flustered.

“No no, that’s not it… When I’m done with it, do you wanna listen to it?” He said, taking a deep breath out like he was regretting what he was saying.

“Seriously? I would love to.” You excited replied. You were surprised. He doesn’t share his music with you, but now he was willing for you to listen to something he’s making. You guessed you were close with him enough for him to trust you like this.

“Alright then… Let’s get on with practicing?” He said, interrupting your thoughts.

“Right.” You agreed as you stood to the side and began to sing.

Practice went by real fast. It was close to dinner time and it was time to pack up. Yoongi collected all his sheet music and carefully tucked it into his black folder. He slowly covers the piano keys as you close all the spotlights. The both of you make your way up to the entrance and to your lockers. You separate to open your lockers and grab your things. You went to change your shoes into your boots since your boots were a little bit on the dirtier side. You made sure that all your textbooks and notebooks were in your backpack since you were kind of behind on assignments. You put on your jacket and sling on your backpack. You noticed that Yoongi is quietly waiting for you, leaning his body onto the lockers beside yours. He scared you. He’s so quiet that you didn’t even notice he was ready to go already.

“Jeez, you scared me.” You said, putting your hand over your heart. You closed your locker door and started to walk towards the school doors.

He didn’t say anything, but smirk at your remark and followed right beside you. The two of you quietly made your way to the bus stop. You quietly waited for your bus to show up and when it did, you waved goodbye to Yoongi.

“See you tomorrow, Yoongi.” You said with a small smile.

“Take care going home, okay Y/N?” He quietly said.

“Yeah yeah, you too! Don’t be staying up too late to finish that song.” You lastly said before climbing into the bus. You sat down by a window seat and waved goodbye to Yoongi one last time. He just nodded and watched as your bus disappeared behind the city’s building.

“Hey Y/N, do you have a pencil I can borrow?” Your friend asked.

“Oh yeah, just one second.” You replied as you went to look inside your desk. You found your pencil case, but you noticed something else and you took it out along with you. You took out an extra pencil for your friend. Nothing else was important than this mysterious CD. You see that there’s a CD with your name on it.

“What the hell is this?” You said, waving the CD around.

Your friend turns around and replies, “Maybe it’s from somebody. You should go to the music room before practice to listen to it.”

“Hmmm…” You pondered on that thought. It was the only way you could listen to it before going home. You knew you had to listen to it before you went home, the curiosity would kill you.

It was after class and quickly made your way to the music room. You slowly opened the door and noticed was inside.

“Nice.” You whispered. You carefully made your way down the set of stairs and towards the piano. The portable stereo had a CD player, you recalled, you opened the case and opened the CD player. You took out the CD and placed it in the stereo, pressing play anxiously. It started to play… The voice sounded so familiar, but you couldn’t make out who it was until...

Ah. Ah. Ah. Mic test. 1~ 2~ 3~. Good, that’s good. Sounds good.

This is Min Yoongi. Demo. Song title: Untitled

어쩜 사람이 그래 (How can a person be like this?)

세상을 혼자 사는 듯한 착각이 드네 (I start to feel like)

내 곁을 지나는 그�� (I’m the only one living in this world)

내 맘에는 너라는 (You pass by my side)

달콤한 바람이 부네 (A sweet wind called you is blowing in my heart)

넌 딱히 꾸미지 않아도 (Even if you don’t put on makeup)

매력이란 향수를 뿌리겠지 아마도 (You’ll put on your perfume called Attraction)

신은 없다고 믿었었던 나마저도 (I never believed that there was a god)

신을 믿게 만들어 (But now you make me believe)

나에게 여신은 바로 너 (because to me, you’re a goddess)

니가 어리던 말던, (Whether you’re young or old,)

나이가 많던 숨긴 아이가 있던 (whether you have a hidden child)

나는 상관없어 (I don’t care because I love you)

내가 널 사랑하거든 (If I’m with you, anywhere we go is a flower garden)

너와 함께라면 어디든 꽃이 핀 garden (Instead of holding designer bags, you hold my hand)

명품 백을 쥐기보다는 (Instead of jealousy and envy,)

내 손을 잡아주는 (you understand my nature)

질투심과 시기보단됨됨이를 알아주는 (With you, I draw out my future)

그런 너와 함께 우리의 미래를 그려봐 (In between our couple shoes)

우리 커플 신발 사이에 어린이 운동화 (are a pair of baby sneakers)

Your eyes widened.

“What was that?” You questioned the CD as you took it out of the player and place it back into the case.

“It was the song I’ve been working on.” A mysterious voice spoke out in the darkness.

You looked around and found Yoongi standing by the entrance. The spotlight made pretty difficult to see him… You just saw the outline of him.

You couldn’t say anything. You were in just in complete shock.

“I’m not good with words so, I decided to tell you how I feel… In a song.” He quietly replied, making his way down towards you.

“What are you trying to say Yoongi? I need to hear you…” You spoke softly.

There was a moment of silence as Yoongi stood in front of you, taking a deep breath. He spoke the three words you dreamed of hearing.

“I like you.” He said, trying to look at everything but you.

“I like you too.” You replied back, your face turning red after you said it. He finally looks at you and takes hold of your face.

“You don’t know how long I’ve waited to do this…” He said before crashing his lips into yours. You never knew how your first kiss would feel like, but with him, it was memorable and passionate. His lips were dry, but still soft. You pull away with his hands still around your face, just to stare at him. You didn’t know what love felt like until you looked into his eyes. He broke out into his infamous, but rare gummy smile. That’s when you knew: This boy had your heart.

Author Note: Can you guys figure out what song I used without looking it up? 1000 points for to you if you can!