#can i pull the race card and use this as an example of silencing yet another black woman? probably not but i'll use it anyway

[postmanlinksbootyshorts]

turned off reblogs on my post because i'm tired of seeing shitty ass terf/radfem urls in my notifications

[youarejesting]

Hope in the sheets.10

[Masterlist]

Beta: N/A Pairing: Hoseok x Reader Genre: Friendship, Comedy, Soft boy, Fluff, SMUT, Friends2Lovers, Words: 5k

Summary: You held many titles: his neighbor, colleague, wing-man… well, more likely a wing-woman, yet most importantly, you were his best friend. You had been friends since you were born. Between the two of you, you were younger; barely, but he never let you forget it. He always seemed to ruffle your hair and tease you, which could get rather annoying but he made up for it by treating you to things.

What if a drunken one night stand between you and your best friend Hoseok leads to more complicated situations? Your reckless twenties are cut short as you find yourself suddenly responsible for something a little more.

Warning: Implied sex, pregnancy, implied reader has baby.

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Hoseok and the others were eventually led into the birthing suite; the entire place had been cleaned and only the bare minimum of staff stayed behind. They were sorting out equipment and monitoring your current state. When his eyes landed on yours he felt emotions bloom in his chest. There you were laying in the bed, a small bundle of soft blankets nestled delicately in your arms. You had showered and dressed in a nightdress that had been packed in your hospital bag. 

Hoseok’s lip curled. He was trying to hold his expression, giving you a forced smile before he broke out into tears. Holding your free arm out to him, he stumbled into your embrace kissing your forehead and telling you how much he loved you. 

His words were broken by the force of each sob. “Are you going to hold her, or do we have to hold you?” Yoongi playfully teased. Hoseok wiped his eyes taking a few shakey deep breaths trying to calm his emotions. 

When you moved the blanket to show your daughter laying gently against your chest, he was a mess once more. “Hobi, you want to hold her?”

“I can hold her?” He hadn’t even thought that far ahead. He could hold this baby, his daughter, he could hold her in his arms and she was real. 

“Of course you can hold her.” You laughed, reaching up to wipe his tears away. Hoseok remembered everything he was taught from the birthing classes, practically reciting them out loud. You placed his daughter in his arms and his bottom lip fell. 

Tears were his automatic response. There was nothing else, this miracle, this symbol of his love for you, his best and longest friend. This was his child, his flesh and blood and he couldn’t thank you enough for giving him such a gift. 

“You have to stop crying Hobi, we need a nice picture for your family.” You smiled and he tilted his head back sniffing. 

“I love you so much, and I love her, I just can’t stop crying.” The words broke again Hoseok turned to show off his daughter to his friends. They were some of the people he was closest to and when he looked at them they were all crying. Jungkook’s wet cheeks and red nose, Jimin’s sweet puffy eyes bubbling with tears, even Yoongi let out a stray sniff. 

By far it was a sight to see big burly Namjoon openly weeping like Hoseok and cooing over how precious she was. 

“Look how little she is,” Namjoon whimpered

“Her hands are so tiny too,” Hoseok said back. The two were just making it worse for each other, a back and forth of doting comments of your newborn each statement causing a fresh cycle of tears. 

The nurse who had been checking your vitals waiting to take you back to the ward rolled her eyes. “I have seen some sappy fathers but you brought a whole troop.”

“Gentleman it’s time to let mum and her baby get some sleep, the father can come back tomorrow morning any other guests can come two at a time during visiting hours.” She ushered the other six males from the room, Hoseok kissed you his cheeks were wet. 

“I don’t want to go.”

“Get some sleep Hobi, get the house ready. If all goes well I will be out of the hospital soon.” The nurse took your daughter from Hoseok’s arms. 

“Wait, can I give her a kiss?” You whispered. The nurse nodded bringing your daughter over allowing you to kiss her goodnight before she was wheeled down to the nursery. 

“Are you ready to go back to the ward? You should get some sleep. Your body will be exhausted. We will bring the child in when she is hungry.”

“Okay Hobi, I have to go rest now you head home and make the house all ready for when we come home okay.” You waved goodbye to him and watched as Jimin took his hand leading him from the room. He seemed reluctant to take his eyes off of you, his hand coming to lay flat under his heart. 

You touched your collar bone watching him mouth the words 'baseline'. It was like everything you ever wanted but such a weird and obscure way you got there. You wanted to be with Hoseok and cherish him and be loved in return, but you never thought you would get there by completely derailing your relationship and almost ruining your life. 

It was like you had to destroy what you had to build something better. It seems counterproductive and a step in the wrong direction but somehow you were able to shape the rubble of your friendship into a relationship stronger than before. 

You love Hoseok with all your heart and he only has eyes for you. It seems you were both delusional to believe that you weren’t in love. Everyone could see it except the two of you and now it was painfully obvious. 

Being a mother was kind of a shock. Scared when you woke up to cramps, only to remember you had already given birth, you were also woken throughout the night to feed your daughter. A part of you worried about taking care of someone, the responsibility setting in as being a mother was a full-time job.

“You are doing wonderful.” The nurse gave you some pain killers for your cramps, your uterus was slowly shrinking back to its regular size and you were uncomfortable. “Would you like me to get you anything?”

“I would love something to drink.” Voice hoarse from sleep, she nodded before setting off for you. You sat up watching the sunrise, your daughter sleeping soundly on the bed in front of you. She was so precious. Even with closed eyes she still wiggled and stretched her hands out to the warm glowing orb.

“Seonhee, do you like that name?” You whispered, taking out a small outfit: a white onesie with sunflowers and bright yellow footed pants with soft yellow ruffles on the butt. “Jung Seonhee.”

“Ah, is that her name?” The nurse smiled, placing some apple juice and water on the small bedside table. She sanitized her hands and began helping you with the baby's clothes and diaper, bagging the old clothes and disposing of the soiled diaper. She smiled down at the little girl in her bright outfit. “I think it suits her, Seonhee”

The doctor came by on her round, her hair pulled into a tight bun and her scrubs pastel blue with stalks. “You are looking better, how are you feeling?” There was no messing around, she was straight to business, checking for any concerns or pain. Your stomach was being palpated while she brought up things to look out for. “Ultimately if anything happens that you are unsure about, even if it is something silly like, should I have coffee while breastfeeding, call this number here, they are a great service and they will help you.”

“Thank you so much.” Taking the card you were handed and a little care package from the hospital, the nurse placed the card into the baby book which had accompanied you throughout pregnancy and after. “Am I okay to go home today?”

“You are all clear. Let us know what time you want to leave and we can have all the paperwork ready.” Pausing in the doorway, a young nurse almost bumping into her, she spun around, her coat swishing with her. “After giving birth a lot of women become a little moody, fatigued, or cry. This is totally normal as your hormones will be dropping back to a normal level. It is perfectly normal to feel these things during this time.”

“Ah, that’s good to know.” You replied while searching through the care package, glancing at some of the booklets and information sheets. There was a number for a community service where mothers take their babies to be weighed and receive checkups. The nurses had few information sessions on feeding techniques and developmental leaps. 

Looking forward to being a part of a group of new mothers, you knew you would have a lot of questions eventually. It would be nice to know if other mothers have similar concerns or effective tips for any future problems.

Hoseok arrived with a big smile, kissing you sweetly before heading over to scoop up his daughter. “Wait Hobi,” you stopped him, “I need to talk to you before you get all teary-eyed again.”

“Okay,” serious expression on his face he gave you all his attention.

“We need to agree on her name and sign the birth certificate.” The smile returned to his face, the twinkle in his eyes never dwindling since the moment he stepped into the room. “I like the name 선희 (Seonhee) written as 善 meaning Good or nice and 希 as in Hope”

Hoseok watched you write an example on a scrap piece of paper, and began nodding enthusiastically. Hands shaking the two of you eyed one another passing secret smiles, the taste of giggles on the tip of your tongue. Once the document was completed Hoseok’s hand swooped up into your hair, cradling your nape as he kissed you.

Neither lazy nor heated, the kiss was full and romantic, his lips telling a story against yours. The world stopped and only Hoseok existed. Until a shrill cry broke through the silence and the two of you apart. The cry brought with it the sound of machines and nurses walking down the hall.

“You want to go home,” Hoseok raced around the hospital bed towards your daughter, wiggling in the tiny hospital portable bassinet. His style was honestly amusing. Strips of fabric hanging from a graffitied shirt with a cargo jacket and sneakers. Strange to see him holding a baby but you loved it so much. 

Just because you were parents didn’t mean you had to get rid of everything you love. Sure you had to grow up and it was extreme. The transition you made while pregnant felt like your life was ending. That you would live to serve a tiny being. But seeing Hoseok still smiling the same, still wearing the same street hip hop style reassured you that you still had a life outside of being a mother and that would never change.

Of course, the two of you probably wouldn’t club anymore. It would be unfair if either of you went out without the other and unfair on your daughter if you were not there for her. Not to mention the cost of babysitting and the trust you would need in order to leave Seonhee with someone who wasn’t you or Hoseok.

Hoseok helped you with your bags packing the car, he had borrowed Jin’s for a smoother drive. Always thoughtful even on the littlest details. Sitting by the baby's car seat while Hoseok drove you home apologizing for every speed bump and every turn.

“Hoseok, I would like to go home before it is dark. You don’t have to drive that slow.” You laughed, he was being so serious like a knight or warrior preparing for battle to protect those he loves. In the reflection of the rearview mirror, you saw his lips twitch in amusement, the sun shining on his shaggy hair. “I love you.”

“Babe,” He whined, “you can’t say that when I am driving, I want to kiss you and then we really won’t get home before dark.”

His eyes flickered up to meet yours in the mirror before concentrating diligently once more on the road. He was singing softly to the radio as he crossed town, you must have fallen asleep as you were woken by his sweet laugh and some kisses on your cheek.

“We are home Lil darling.”

Breathing deeply trying to clear your head from your nap, as the fog in your mind disappeared your hands were secured in Hoseok’s as he helped you out of the car. Standing patiently for your body to catch up, the tender sensations in your stomach leaving you stiff.

“Seonhee, time to see your new home.” Hoseok scooped up the infant holding her to his chest as if it was the most natural thing like he had several years of experience. As opposed to this child being his firstborn. He took the soft yellow muslin wrap and covered her protecting her eyes from the afternoon sun.

Opening the door, you weren’t surprised, (mostly because you had spotted their cars on the curb) to see the boys sitting on your couch equally as excited to see you as they had been the day before in the birthing suite. Hoseok was placing your bag on the table when Seonhee started crying.

“Hey, sweetheart what’s wrong?” Hoseok patted her bottom to a steady rhythm hoping it would lull her back to sleep. Her crying continued and you felt your shirt grow damp, taking a seat you held out your hands for your daughter and nursed her while the boys kept their eyes firm on one another to respect your privacy.

“Are you drinking or are you sleeping?” You giggled at your daughter who was milk drunk. Burping her gently she wiggled releasing a few loud burps and spitting up a little onto the back of your hand and the small burp cloth you had been holding to her clothes.

“Let me take her while you clean up.” Yoongi smiled, scooping up your daughter, holding her so her head was supported, her arms and legs draped over either side of his arm. His other hand rubbed and patted her back gently as he swayed.

“You look like a squashed pie.” He smiled cheekily talking to the baby in his arms. “Cute bow shape lip from your mum, and your nose is very cute like Hoseok’s.”

“How dare you call her a squashed pie.” Namjoon tried to defend but when Yoongi turned he showed the infant, her cheek squished up against his arm, her drool slowly seeping between parted lips. “Okay, maybe a little but she is also adorable.”

“All babies look like aliens when they are born,” you grinned.

“But do you love her, more than anything else in the world?” Jungkook giggled trying to make small talk while also projecting his newfound love for such a tiny being.

“We just met, I need some time to get to know her some more.” You joke playfully curled up on the couch Seokjin handing you some dinner and a cup of tea while the boys took turns meeting your daughter.

“It says in the paperwork she can have a bath tomorrow, and that her first poo might be really yucky.” Hoseok read the take-home leaflets from the hospital and constantly checked on his two girls making sure they were both safe and sound.

“Put her in outfits you don’t care if they get destroyed,” Yoongi was singing something to the child. It was low and rough. He was talking about dreams, freestyling about how your daughter didn’t need to go to university and that she didn’t have to know everything right at this moment.  

Placing the little girl into Jimin’s waiting arms. His eyes sparkled and his lip dropped as he turned soft for the little girl.

“Hello, I am Uncle Jimin and I am going to spoil you so much.” His sweet voice gasped. He practically wiggled on the spot when she brought her fists up to her closed eyes and yawned. Taehyung was quietly snapping photos, careful not to use the flash as he didn’t want to hurt the baby's sensitive eyes, even while they were closed. He assured you, that he would get photos of everyone holding Seonhee. He had already captured Yoongi and was taking a few extra of Jimin with the small bundle.

It was honestly nice to see them all so supportive and there for your daughter. Images in your mind blooming of her first Christmas and birthday and all that would follow. Namjoon would buy her a green bike with flowers and tassels on the handles and Yoongi, helping assemble it before she woke up, attaching the training wheels for her safety.

Learning how to wrap people around her finger from her Uncle Jimin and then using it against them. She would be a dancer like her father and would light up the room. You could see her performing on a stage with the eight of you waiting with flowers to throw on stage. Maybe she wouldn’t win the first prize at her first show but they would still take her out for pizza and celebrate. Her skills would improve and the day she wins the trophy she would be lifted onto Seokjin’s shoulders. 

Not noticing you had started crying until Namjoon pulled you into a hug.  “Hey what’s got you so upset.”

“No, I am not upset, I was told that as my hormones go back to normal, I might cry and be more tired and moody and upset and I just,” Sniffing Jungkook handed over some tissues and hugging your back. The newer of the group Taehyung and Jungkook had just fit perfectly into the group, it was like they were always meant to be.

“Hey love,” Hoseok said, coming over to kneel at your feet holding your knees softly. "Tell me what made you so upset."

“I was thinking about her first Christmas and her first birthday and how you would all be here and she would be loved and…” Taking a sniff and pushing the tears from your eyes you looked up at them seriously. “You can never leave now, we are going to be one big family. I hope you know you are now each my daughter's uncles and therefore responsible to attend events. If you didn’t want to be a part of the family, I am sorry you are now my family.”

More tears shook your form. “You're the only family I have, I wasn’t exactly disowned more than I left when my mother told me not to have my sweet daughter. My precious baby deserves a big happy family and so I am sorry you are stuck with me. 

“And don’t even think you are getting out of it.” You pointed at Taehyung and Jungkook, “You are my family now. Seonhee needs lots of uncles to protect her.”

“We aren’t leaving,” Seokjin grinned, taking a turn holding the wiggling bundle, smiling for a picture, and looking at her. “She will be a heartbreaker.”

~

The first couple of weeks were a learning curve filled with broken sleep, reheated meals courtesy of Seokjin, and constant fatigue looming over your head. Jimin appeared one-afternoon Taehyung, Namjoon and Yoongi apprehended your daughter. Settling her into a baby carrier strapped to Namjoon’s chest. The thick bodyguard looked a little silly with a tiny child nestled against his pecs.

Seonhee was wearing a new outfit from her uncle Jimin. It was a sweet-footed onesie with bear ears warm enough for a day out in the park. Kicked out of the house by Jimin who stressed how much you needed a break. Hoseok was at work while you were still on leave which meant you took the larger portion of the home and baby duties.

Mostly because you were at home all day, but also not wanting to interfere with his sleep schedule seeing as he was going to an actual job that needed proper attention. There wasn’t even a moment of hesitation from Jimin as he dragged you into the bathroom and started the bath filling it with a generous amount of bubble bath. It was the sleepy-time product you had chosen for your baby, emitting a soft lavender scent.

“You relax and I will wash your hair.” He smiled and he massaged your scalp to help relieve any tension, after washing out all your hair products he took your skincare products letting you lay in the bubbles as he pampered you. “You are such a good mum, you are doing amazing.”

“I hope so,” you yawned.

You stepped out of the tub, quickly wrapping yourself into the fluffy robe you hadn’t used in a while. Then sat down on your bed whilst Jimin dried and styled your hair. The others had returned, poking their heads into the room and smiling at your new refreshed look. You quickly fed your daughter while Jimin braided your hair securely.

“You rest okay, we will watch her until Hoseok comes home. Don’t worry we will come to you if we are unsure about anything and for food times.” Yoongi said playing some soft tranquil music on the small speaker by your bed. 

It seemed pointless. Laying there believing it impossible to fall asleep. As you walked past the clock reading half-past one, your stomach rumbled in a gentle protest. Before you could even think of the food you wanted to get dressed, pulling on a white crop top and a baggy overall dress. Something easy to breastfeed in. It was definitely time as your breasts were heavier with milk.

Walking out you poured yourself a glass of juice and scooped up your fussing daughter, stomach growling again. Yoongi stood up marching into the kitchen, rapidly chopping ingredients. Soon the house was filled with a savory aroma and the glorious sound of oil sizzling. 

~

Hoseok was having his first afternoon with Seonhee. You were going for a checkup. Jungkook was free and agreed to accompany you to your appointment, he almost paled when he saw the equipment on the table for your checkup. It made for a good laugh and endless teasing during your small coffee date afterward.

Jungkook’s phone buzzed and he grinned texting back quickly. “Ooh, what or who is making you smile so big?”

“Uh, I just got a funny text from Namjoon. Apparently, Hoseok asked for company so Namjoon and Yoongi stopped by the house after their errands.” He laughed, nose scrunching showing off his front teeth. “And well, your daughter may have accidentally had a poo explosion. So far from the pictures I have seen, Yoongi and Hoseok are covered in it. And while trying to help Namjoon dropped a whole bottle of baby powder and they are vacuuming the carpet.”

“Jimin and Taehyung agreed to pick up some more and I have been asked to keep you busy,” Your smile growing the more you heard, of course, they would make a mess on your first day out. Expecting something chaotic to happen but never something as funny as this. 

“I am just glad it is something like this and not that someone is sick or hurt,” You smiled while eating a strawberry cheesecake and sipping coffee. Not making any move of leaving early and relieving them of their duty. It was a right of passage and showed just how much you trusted them. Hearing that something happened and not jumping to take over.

“They said not to tell you, but how could I not?” Jungkook turned his phone showing you some photos worthy of scrapbooking, the kind you would take out for Seonhee’s twenty-first and a story she would get sick of hearing at every family gathering. “Look at them.”

“Well while they are busy, how about we go grocery shopping? I think perhaps we can make something delicious for dinner,” Standing and collecting your jacket from your chair, and leading the way. Jungkook followed listening to your concerns about your weight and figure, he assured you how good you were looking and even offered to personally train you at 21, the gym.

~

Seonhee was growing steadily. Each milestone leading into the next, she would roll over and had started to crawl. Finding herself putting things she shouldn’t in her mouth. Going back to work was hard for the first few days, leaving Seonhee at the daycare was easy but she became more clingy when she came home. It was her way of coping with the separation that came with daycare and full-time work but eventually, Seonhee got into a routine.

Understanding that her parents were always coming back made everything in the house run a lot smoother. She had a small handful of sounds, mostly eomma, appa. 

Work was a lot more tolerable and dare you to say fun. Jimin had quit his sugar baby gig and joined the company working alongside you. Sure he had broken a few hearts by canceling his service but he was happier. He never explicitly said it but you believed he was trying to be more independent and above everything else make himself more approachable to Taehyung.

Taehyung however left for a while, he had been away working with a few celebrities and luxury brands, photographing concepts, photos, and more. He had been pushing and working harder and harder as the days passed until he traveled away for his latest project. 

It was a little sad that they weren’t together but you could see the longing in Jimin’s eyes whenever he replayed Taehyung’s Instagram story. Dragging him from his desk to have lunch together and distract him from the thoughts spinning around in his head.

~

December marked eleven months since Seonhee was born. Cruising against the couch and cabinets opening things she shouldn’t. You had invested in baby locks and a small playpen. Neither really did much as she knew how to push the whole contraption across carpet and tiles to get into things. 

Mostly she would follow you to the kitchen hoping to get teething biscuits or any other treats her father would sneak her. He was never able to say no and you often found them sneaking snacks together where he would give you his big eyes and pouty lips claiming that she deserved a snack.

Christmas had your house filled to the brim with presents and boys, Seokjin was cooking in the kitchen with Yoongi’s help while Jimin and Jungkook were playing with Seonhee. Hoseok was helping Namjoon into a Santa costume in the backyard. No one had heard from Taehyung. You assumed he was busy with work and that he would be unable to make it.

There was a knock and Jungkook raced to answer it and laughed, “Finally, I thought you were skipping out on the family Christmas.”

“I wouldn’t skip out on the family Christmas, you are my favorite family,” Taehyung said handing over a suitcase to Jungkook and carrying in some bags of wrapped gifts, placing them under the tree. “Look at you, you have gotten so big!”

Namjoon Santa came in and delivered gifts and ran off getting changed only to come back and watch the gift unwrapping. Jungkook went to collect the two eldest from the kitchen, pushing Seokjin before dragging Yoongi out the two stopping in the archway.

“Hey, you are under the mistletoe!” Jimin giggled, proud that his trap had worked, he was hoping that some people would get stuck under it. “You are going to have to kiss.”

“We don’t have to, we are watching Seonhee open her gifts,” Jungkook said only to be grabbed by Yoongi who kissed the younger male and pulled away.

“Satisfied.” Yoongi turned back to the young girl opening her presents, Namjoon got her some picture books and a few educational toys. Seokjin had wrapped a small toy kitchen that was her size. Yoongi brought her to everyone’s surprise a little clam pool and some plastic toys to play with.

Jimin brought her a whole lot of princess dresses, tiaras, and fairy wings. Jungkook got her a cozy coupe red and yellow plastic car that she could push around with her legs. Taehyung handed her the small gift bag and inside was a night light that made the roof look like a galaxy and played soft music.

After Seonhee’s gifts from the boys, Hoseok brought out a box. He was struggling with it but when he opened it out popped a little dog who began licking her cheeks and wagging his tail intensely amongst the large group. “His name is Mickey.” Hoseok grinned watching Taehyung taking pictures and smiling fondly as she giggled.

Other gifts were exchanged, the most notable was Seokjin giving everyone matching sweaters with his face on it, and Taehyung’s gift to Jimin. It was a small bag and inside was the signature Tiffany blue colored box.

“You didn’t have to,” Jimin said softly and Taehyung smiled.

“I told myself I would support you, and I know you didn’t want to be treated like a sugar baby, I just told myself that I wouldn’t allow myself to date until I got you those earrings you really wanted. I wanted to give you something you could be proud of.” Taehyung explained, “And it was so hard to resist you when you kept inviting me over.”

Opening the box Jimin saw the earrings he had once mentioned ages back, the exact earrings Taehyung had handmade for him. “Now you can get rid of the ones I made you, they look horrible compared to these.

“I still love the ones you made and I will keep them forever.”

“I won’t treat you like a sugar baby anymore, I wanted to ask if maybe you wanted to go on a date.”

“Well, these earrings will get you about five dates.” Jimin giggled cheekily

“Five I thought for sure it would be five and a half?”

“Five and a free butt grab?”

“Deal!”

~

The nine of you were walking through the kid's attractions at the theme park seeing some familiar faces, you were having lunch when some music started playing. It was the theme park's dance parade and Hoseok was dragged into the dance by Taeyong.

You were giggling when WinWin dragged you up dancing with you and turned to see Hoseok on one knee, a ring box opened in his hands. You felt your chest about to explode as you tackled him to the ground sobbing in his chest. “Hoseok really, you mean it?”

“Of course, I mean it, I have loved you for years.”

“I love you so much, hell freaking yes put that ring on me, quick quick.” You kissed his face nonstop giggling between your tears. He was finally able to get the ring onto the designated finger standing and pulling you onto your feet. He kissed you passionately, you pulled back burying your face in his chest squealing.

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[felidaefighter]

Keeping Promises To His Reflection

Sequel to Love You To The Point Of Violence; AKA Sapnap keeps his promise to Quackity and, by proxy, Dream

[cw: angst, character death]

It had been a long time since Sapnap had properly hunted anyone. It was invigorating, in a way, and almost reminded him of the good old days he’d spent sparring with Dream and George. Almost. Now, though, the fire that had initially fueled his passion and love burned with rage and resentment and spread into his sword, which sparked and flickered with heat and Flame. He was burning from the inside out in every way, and he intended to share this feeling with the unlucky person he was hunting via his blade.

Sapnap walked with the heavy, certain footsteps of the soldier he once was-- and in all honesty, still was-- forward, deliberate, and imbued with intent. He had never been known for mercy-- didn’t have any sort of track record for it in any of his wars-- but that didn’t mean he couldn’t love. Just meant he was careful with his love and loyal to his core. That loyalty came with the toll he was here to collect. The flames from his sword cast deep shadows from the spruce around him, and his eyes flickered through the trees, hoping to catch someone moving with the shadows.

“There’s no use in hiding,” Sapnap called in a sing-song voice that did little to mask his feelings, “And you can’t outrun me. If you have a horse I’ll just bow it down. I mean, you know me.” With a steadying exhale that immediately had Sapnap turning towards him, Quackity stepped out of the shadows. “Can we talk about this? I just want to talk. We can just talk, right?” Sapnap sighed, stepping towards his ex-fiance. “I mean... I don’t want to lie to you, Quackity.” Two strong-willed individuals staring eachother down. It would’ve been quite a sight, in any other circumstance. But only one of them was wearing netherite.

Standing less than a hair’s length away from one another, the two men could argue that the tension between them was solely a face-off of powerful people; but it would be a lie if they never acknowledged just how much of it came from their history. They could pretend, if they wanted, that their skin didn’t itch with the memory of embrace that would only burn with bitterness if they acted on nostalgia. Instead, Sapnap’s eyes bored into Quackity’s own, a relentless gaze that wouldn’t yield no matter the silver of Quackity’s tongue.

Sapnap still ached, in no small part, to run his rough and calloused warrior’s hand over the scar on Quackity’s face as he discussed it, but he couldn’t, not anymore. “I talked to Tubbo about the butcher army he ran,” Sapnap explained-- Quackity looked quizzical, having not yet figured out where he was leading. “Or rather, the butcher army you ran. It was your idea, your ‘hitlist’. And Dream was on there too.” Now Quackity knew. Despite the space between them, Sapnap could still feel Quackity’s breath hitch and heart race just a little faster. Creating a defense that both of them knew Sapnap wouldn’t buy.

“Sapnap, Tubbo was the president. He really said that to you? He’s just trying to absolve himself of any guilt so you don’t attack him! That should be obvious to you.” The resentment Sapnap felt that was still burning within him. Mostly, towards himself. “Is it really second nature for you to lie like that now? What happened to you Quackity?” He thought that having his brother be the prime example of where it all went wrong would make it easier to spot in anyone else, but apparently, it just made him less willing to acknowledge it in someone he loved. Fool me once type beat. More than anything, he felt used. He had been a soldier for Quackity and Dream both. He had been loyal to Quackity and Dream both.

Coals still burn white-hot and deadly long after the flames are gone, and that was more akin to what Sapnap was feeling than a heartache. He thought he had known Dream, until it became apparent that they had drifted so much farther apart than he’d realized, and it was no longer the truth. He had thought he’d known Quackity, too. But now, it was safe to say he had never known Quackity at all. That didn’t stop the embers of his love. Didn’t stop his loyalty. Didn’t-- Sapnap’s resolve and gaze hardened-- stop him from intending to keep his promise.

And Quackity, ever so smart, was beginning to realize the situation he had put himself in. Here in front of him stood a renowned warrior, an ex-lover, and someone whom he had betrayed the trust of-- with a fire in his heart, a sword in his hand, and little more than Quackity to lose. The open woods didn’t stop him from feeling cornered. The light coming from Sapnap did not quell his fears, as his ease nowadays came from the silence and lack of witness that was offered by the dark. Sapnap spoke, and Quackity bit his tongue to keep quiet, feeling blood like liquid silver from his mouth and run like poison down his throat.

“Y’know, I was angry at Dream for betraying George and I back when we were trying to get El Rapids up and running. I wanted to kill him. But I thought about it, and I realized something.” Quackity took a step back. Sapnap took a step forward. “You didn’t actually care. You saw George and I as an opportunity for you. Despite it all, Quackity, I still love Dream. And the only thing that hurts more than his betrayal right now is the fact that you used that for your own means.” There was too much irony in it all, and Sapnap was sick of it.

Quackity wanted to ask Sapnap why he still loved Dream. Wanted to blame Dream for everything, call him a monster, tell Sapnap he did it all for him. But they were well past that. They’d had that conversation and Quackity would spare them the indignity of having it again. So instead, he took a good and proper look at Sapnap’s face. He expected Sapnap to look angry. Or disgusted. Hell, he’d even take “contempt”. What he got instead was so much worse, and apprehension rocketed through his core. Something buried in the shards of his heart shook loose, and after running ice through his veins it gave him wide eyes, terror, and the tiny, desperate flame of love that he hadn’t quite managed to snuff out.

‘I love you, I have always loved you, I still love you, I’m sorry I couldn’t save you,’ written all over Sapnap’s face. A man who kept his promises to those he loved. The silver had bled out of Quackity’s words, and instead he was left with a quiet, desperate whisper, reminiscent of the man he used to be. “Sapnap, you’re not gonna kill me,” Quackity begged, and the man known being ruthless gently grabbed Quackity’s arm and stared into his eyes.

“You’ve hurt so many people,” Sapnap said, pained, his grip tightening slightly as Quackity attempted to shift away. “You’ve crossed too many lines. You’re worse than Dream ever was, and that’s saying something.” Quackity could feel the heat from the man’s skin, and it almost rivaled the temperature of the blade that was still radiating flames and forming something of a gate at the opposite side. “Sapnap, you know I’d never want to hurt you.” He tried appealing to the man’s romantic senses, tried pretending there was nothing left of his own. “All of this was only ever about what you wanted. You hurt Karl and I. You betrayed our trust.”

So close now, Quackity could almost forget he was afraid. There was no point in backing up. The silver had been drained from his tongue; his only true claim to power. He had no horses in the race anymore. No more cards to put on the table and no ace up his sleeve. Just the love of the man who was keeping him from running away. “You’re not gonna kill me,” he tried again, and Sapnap looked sorry for him. Not in a way that meant pity, though. That was good. Pity was something Quackity loathed.

“Quackity, you can still trust me. I made you a promise.” And it hurts,  for Quackity, that he shares a promise with Dream. He feels regret stab through his heart, feels the heat of his true emotions and the blood soak into his shirt and the burn of his feelings and the blade that slides through him like he was no more than fragile glass. Quackity is burning. Anger and resentment, love and passion, regret for the things he couldn’t do. Regret for the things he did-- maybe. Not really, if he’s being honest. He coughs up blood as Sapnap holds him, steady as always.

He pulls his sword out of Quackity’s chest and smoke pours out of the wound as freely as blood. It smells terrible, of course, but neither of them have the mind to point that out. Quackity’s lungs feel charred and wet at the same time. He speaks in a broken voice. “I’m pissed about this,” he confesses, “But I’m glad that after everything, I can still trust you. You never let me down when you make a promise.” They crouch down, though for Quackity it’s more like collapsing. Sapnap is still holding onto him, keeping him upright, and Quackity finds himself holding onto Sapnap right back. He tells himself he has no attachments. He’s too good at lying now; he can even do it to himself.

The ashes of their relationship make no phoenix. There is no rebirth in this, no reconciliation. There on the needle bedding of pine there is only a man who went too far and a man who keeps his promises. Neither is free of sin, but neither do they feel regret. Do what has to be done, and love enough to see it through. It’s too hot on the smoldering earth for tears to stay, if there were any at all. Quackity exhales smoke and doesn’t inhale again after that. Sapnap sees two faces in the lifeless eyes, neither of which he could save-- except for this one, only in death.

Karl won’t understand. He doesn’t have to. He only needs to accept and move on. The man he thought he loved-- the man they both thought they loved-- should have been mourned when he truly died, long before their engagement. Sapnap absently touches his ring finger, before letting out a furious scream of anguish and burying his sword in the earth in an act more primal than he would let himself feel earlier. Flames eat at the forest bedding and flicker around him and the body he holds, but Sapnap knows fire and if he’s honest, he doesn’t care about anything else right now. Let the forest burn-- he’s done worse. The man born from fire takes his former lover home.

[offspring-of-calliope]

Peculiar (Newsies Fanfiction) - Chapter 2

Description: Jack just wanted to have a normal conversation but Race, Albert and Finch are impossible.

words: 2041

Warning: slight period-typical homophobia (it's not explicitly stated but it's implied)

A/N: I still got no real plan for this, like there is no actual plot in my head yet but little snippets of action/moments. So, we'll see how this'll work out. Anyway, I decided to include more sidecouples, so you'll be seeing established Blush and also Redfinch but I'm not sure how slow the burn will be. Thanks for the likes on the last chapter.

I hope you enjoy and maybe leave a comment when you do,

Lélodie

-----

The back rooms of the theatre were filled with loud noises when Jack entered them. Some of the younger Newsies, who weren't too exhausted from selling papers all day, were running around, trying to chase each other. In one corner, Jack could spot Jojo, who was trying to teach Romeo and Elmer how to sew. It took him a while to recognize Race, Finch and Albert at one of the tables, playing some kind of card game. Since he couldn't see Crutchie anywhere, he supposed that he was already up on the rooftop – their usual sleeping spot – and decided to approach the card game table.

Race was the first one to notice him. “Aye, Cowboy! What happened to yer shirt?” With a teasing grin, he offered him a free chair at the table.

“An' while we's at it, what happened to yer arms?” Finch added, a concerned look on his face, while Jack was sitting down.

Confused, Jack checked his arms. Up until this moment, he hadn't even noticed the bruises which scattered them. Right in the places where he had blocked Bulky Guy's blows. He sighed. These were going to be a pain in the ass while sleeping. “Oh, that's nothing. Some fancy snob was jealous of my shirt, so he splashed it with muddy water an' another guy was tryna soak me for tryin' ta clean the rest of my body.”

The concerned look didn't leave Finch's face and he put down his cards to inspect Jack's bruises. “Ya didn't... ya know, use your powers, did ya?”

Jack wasn't exactly sure, why, but he felt guilty all of a sudden. “Yeah, I did. But in an alleyway which was all dark 'n' scary so I think, maybe that guy's been after me for longer.”

“I bet ya hit him good, too, right? I's tryna imagine his face when he realised he can't win a fight against the great Jack Kelly,” Albert said, not nearly as worried as Finch. Race looked as if he was more interested in the fight than the circumstances as well.

Finch just shook his head at Albert and Race, took his cards again and decided to stay silent. The three of them continued their game.

“Of course I's delivered him a pretty good fight,” Jack claimed, smirking. “But I have to admit, I was gonna loose. The guy was, like, really big. And then, there was this boy that jus'... He told the guy ta let me go an' he did. No kidding, I think this boy might be a charmspeaker.”

Everyone at the table glanced at him in disbelief. Eventually, Albert said, “Jack... You can't jus' accuse any person who did somethin' of bein' like us.”

“I don' 'accuse' him, first off,” Jack started but Race interrupted him.

“Yes, ya do. You do this every time. You's jus' tryin' to be a hero again – findin' a little Peculiar who ya can talk into joinin' the Newsies and comin' to Medda's.”

“Well, I wasn't wrong the last time,” Jack replied, referring to the time he invited Sniper to join them. “An' it's not like I's doing it on purpose. I just want them to be safe, ya know?”

“An' there ain't nothin' wrong with that, Jackie-Boy. But ya can't jus' walk around an' force your opinion on these people,” Race insisted. “Besides, why d'ya think that this boy that helped you has powers? Maybe he just knew the guy or somethin'.”

Jack didn't even get the chance to respond because in this moment, Finch groaned loudly. “Oh, you gotta be kiddin' me. I's lost again. Albie, don't leave me hangin', you gotta win now.”

Puzzled, Jack glanced at the cards and then at his friends. “I guess the fate's on Race's side today?” Race's power was... an interesting one, he thought. Every time he put effort into something, the universe seemed to flip a coin. Either, the thing Race was doing would go terribly wrong or turn out to become perfect. Due to the possibility of doing everything wrong, Race often considered these powers as a burden. But when he had a good run, he was on top of the world.

“Don't even ask,” Albert said, taking a look at his own cards and groaning as well.

“An' I guess that's not a good thing for you guys because you, like bet or somethin'?”

Race grimaced but suddenly, Albert was grinning. “If Team Telebrothers wins against Race, he has to tell us who's his new sweetheart.” Finch cringed at the word 'Telebrothers'. It was a word that Elmer had invented once because both Finch's and Albert's powers started with the syllable 'tele'. Albert knew how much Finch hated this invented word so he used it as often as he could.

“Oh, shut up, Al. It's not even as if I'd have a chance, even without the powers.”

Jack flashed Race a disbelieving look. “What do's yer powers have ta do with that?”

“Everything!” Race retorted and draped himself dramatically over the back of his chair. “Don't ya remember what happened when Al an' I was still a thing? It was like my powers did everythin' ta end this whole thing – which they's did in the end. It's not gonna work as long as a part of myself's makin' somethin' serious impossible.”

Jack considered this for a moment. Then, he mused, “Well, maybe Albert jus' wasn't the right one for ya.”

“Thanks, pal, that ya think it's my fault that we ain't havin' our relationship any more,” Albert said, looking comically devastated.

“Right, I mean, it was so romantic, bein' teleported by yer fella every time ya two were gonna get ta some touchy stuff,” Race responded with an affectionate eye roll and adjusted his position on his chair.

“There was a damn ceiling fallin' down on us 'cause of yer powers! Yeah, 'cause that's been so sweet of ya, Racer.”

“Me's always as sweet as honey, darlin'.” Race winked and blew Albert a kiss.

“Ya'll ready now?” Suddenly, Finch was talking and Jack couldn't help but notice how he snapped a bit during his question. He knew it wasn't fair of him but he sometimes wondered if Finch was a bit homophobic. It wouldn't be that big of a surprise, considering the general view on same-sex-relationships, but Finch was usually such a nice guy that Jack couldn't fathom him invalidating others.

He remembered the time when relationships between two boy newsies were something scary and new to everyone. Stolen kisses in dark alleyways, two hands holding each other when nobody was watching. The first one who had openly addressed the topic had been Kid Blink. There had been something going on between him and Mush for a really long time until he, all of a sudden, had raised his voice when every newsie had been hanging around in the theatre.

“Listen everybody,” he had said. “I'mma say somethin' and I's only gonna say it once. Don't think for one moment that I's not able ta notice the stares and the whispers every time me an' Mush are getting' close. I know that some of you's only curious but for those who's judgin' us 'cause they's ashamed of knowin' some queers: Every newsie who's livin' under this roof is part of a big family. Most of us didn't get ta know a life in a normal, caring family but in our family, there's gotta be only love an' respect. Ain't nobody's makin' fun of Jack sproutin' water out of nowhere or Finch movin' things around with his mind. Ain't nobody's rattin' out the Peculiars among us. It's the same with the queers. We's different but we jus' wanna live our lives like everyone else does. So if anybody has a problem with that – there's the door. Ya can either pull the stick outta your ass or loose the greatest family there is.” Silence. Nobody had even dared to move a muscle, let alone interrupt Kid Blink. That guy could be really intimidating if he wanted to. “Thanks for yer attenton. I'mma go kiss my fella now.”

After that, many others had openly admitted being queer, for example Race and Albert. Jack himself had also said that he could imagine being with a guy. Romeo flirted with anything that moved anyway. Then, there were many, many others, even some who just wanted to try and see. But there were also some, not many but still, that left that day. Some of them, they saw never again. A shudder went down Jack's spine and he dismissed the memory. This was slowly turning into a direction too painful to think of.

“So, what's you gonna do about that 'Peculiar' of yours?” Finch asked Jack.

Jack hesitated for a moment. “I'm gonna find him tomorrow. And then, I'm gonna prove ta you that he really is special.”

“Uh, looks like our Jackie-Boy here has got the hots for his saviour,” Race teased, shoving Jack slightly against the shoulder.

Jack sighed. “Oh my, why do I even put up with ya guys?”

“Come on, Jack. Ya know ya love us,” Albert said, laughing. “But Race, you shouldn't be the one to talk, you's not better than him.”

“Maybe. But still, you's never gonna know who I's been talkin' about all mornin', noon and evenin'.” With a triumphant smile, Race played his card. “I won.”

“I hate everything,” Albert said, while Finch was banging his head against the table with a soft: “Who's even surprised?”

Jack decided that it was better to let Albert and Finch suffer in silence, so he bid them goodbye and went to search for something to eat before going up to the roof. Maybe Crutchie would support him.

[loverofmalec]

Heart to Heart (FAIRGAME)

Another fun smutty FAIR GAME with a little bit of angst thrown in for good measure! This one is for the beautiful @atlasguard, thank you so much love this was yet another fun prompt to write!! If anyone has requests for this ship please do not hesitate to ask!! I would be more than happy to write them for you!

PROMPT: Them on a trip to give Amity a check-up or a supply run only to be stuck there due to a blizzard. No outside communication either. Gets chilly so they hunker down in a resting room that Amity arena has for some reason lol. (Yea, you know where this is going)They keep each other warm. After some heart to heart convo about the whole remnant situation and about them. Then it leads to smutty things. Surprise me with the level of smut 1-10 on the smut scale. Thank you.

“Any signal?” Clover asked for the last time.

Qrow sighed and rubbed his eyes. “Nada, we’re stuck here until this blizzard eases up.”

Both men looked around the dark Amity arena, the cold settled in a lot quicker than they had thought.

“Let’s check out the infirmary and see if they have blankets.” Clover turned around and began to walk back into the halls of the arena. He heard Qrow’s footsteps falling close behind. 

They reached the infirmary to find the room covered in dust and cobwebs. 

Clover turned around and smiled at Crow. “Hope you’re not allergic to dust,” 

The older man rolled his eyes, “Just to over-optimism,” he didn’t try to hide his smile.

Qrow moved around Clover and started to strip the beds of their covers. 

“Help me with shaking them out,” He asked Clover. 

Soon enough they both carried bundles of covers and blankets to take with them. They walked through the hallways of the Amity arena until they found the private announcers booth. 

“Looks like this will have to do,” Clover said. He walked further in and with his feet pushed the chairs to the other side of the room. “I have my cards if you want to play.” He started to lay out a sheet on the ground. The rest were placed on the table where they covered one of the microphones. 

Qrow followed his example and used another sheet to stuff underneath the door. The entire arena was slowly getting colder. The blizzard had finally hit them full force. 

“I think I’m done losing for the night,” He said as he walked to Clover’s side. He watched as his breath made small clouds and went to sit down on the floor. Qrow threw a sheet over his shoulder and as he got comfortable he opened his arms in invitation. “Alright, get over here Luck Charms. I’m not planning on dying from the cold.”

Clover ignored the flip his heart made and prayed that it was too dark for Qrow to see the blush on his cheeks. “I’m pretty sure it’s going to take a lot more to kill you,” His laugh came out weak, his voice pitched low from the nerves that lit his body. He made it to Qrow’s side and was wrapped in strong arms. Clover gasped when those same arms moved to press him against Qrow’s chest even tighter. 

“Is this okay?” Qrow asked in a small voice, his breath tickling Clover’s ear.

“Yeah, this is uh… good. Totally okay,” Clover stumbled over his words for a second before he was able to regain some control over his racing heart. “This is nice,” He dared to admit.

Qrow smiled into Clover’s hair, “Good, cause I wouldn’t want this to be one-sided.”

Those words set a fire in Clover’s belly, the weight behind them almost too much. The hope that he could hear in Qrow’s voice was beautiful because it wasn’t one-side. Clover wanted Qrow just as much as Qrow wanted him. They were both grown men, they knew what they were doing and the tension between them had been bound to snap. Clover had just wished it happened a little differently. 

“We’re idiots for doing this,” Qrow whispered. 

Clover knew exactly what he meant and he was right, “We might be idiots, but won’t stop me from trying to protect you.”

That made Qrow huff out a breath in annoyance. He reached out and took Clover’s chin between his fingers and forced the man to look at him. They were so close that their noses brushed against each other. 

“No, you’re not. You’re going to make sure that you keep an eye on your own back,” He snapped.

“I’m not going to lose you,” Clover argued, his brows pinched together and he shifted to get a better look at Qrow. “People need you, if something happened to you we wouldn’t be able to come back from it.”

Qrow shook his head and moved his hand to cup Clover’s cheek. “I can handle myself well enough, and if I go out during this war I’m going to be doing it for the people I love.”

When Qrow had said ‘love’ his tone was pointed and expression honest. “This is war Clover, we can’t be picking favorites. As soon as Salem finds any connection between us or anyone else she’ll do anything in her power to destroy it.” Qrow sounded desperate at this point, “I can’t be the reason you get hurt.”

Clover tried to find holes in Qrow’s logic. Desperate to try and convince the man of his importance to not only Clover but to so many others. “But-”

Qrow with the pad of his thumb pressed against Clover’s lips stopping him midsentence. “We’re soldiers Clover and we have a duty to the people of Remnant.” He sounded like he didn’t quite believe himself and Clover took that as his chance. 

“Then what about my duty as your partner? You would really do this to me. Make me chose between you and the world.” Clover pulled Qrow’s hand away from his face and held it over his pin. “Then you’re going to be disappointed to find out that I’ll choose you every time.”

Seconds passed where Qrow only stared at Clover, his sapphire eyes shining in the dark light. “Sometimes I forget what it’s like to have a partner again, then I’m with you and it hits all of sudden.” He whispered between them.

Clover looked down at their joined hands, “We’re a team now. You’ll just have to get used to it,” He tried to smile but he couldn’t make it reach his eyes. “Just promise me that you won’t actively get yourself in danger.”

“The last time I made that promise was before Rose left on her last mission,” The words made Qrow’s eyes burn and his chest ache. He broke that promise a long time ago, but now he wanted to keep it with every fiber in his being. “Clover when this is all over…” Qrow’s voice died at the end. He didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know what he wanted either. He didn’t want to force Clover into something he didn’t want. 

“I want us to try…” Clover finished the sentence for him.

Silence fell over them and the tension between them was impossible to ignore. Qrow was lost in Clover’s eyes, a beautiful emerald green that he had never seen before. He turned the hand that Clover was holding over and tangled their fingers together. His throat worked around the words that he couldn’t say, confessions to great to utter just yet. So the only thing Qrow could do was close the distance between them and feel the little puff of air on his lips from the gasp Clover made.

He slotted their lips perfectly together. His eyes fell shut and he felt fingers coming to clutch at his shirt. 

They kissed softly, gently and with as much emotion as they dared to share. Their lips moved against one another and caused warmth to spread from the tops of their heads to the bottoms of their feet. 

Qrow shyly licked at the seams of Clover’s mouth and was rewards with a soft moan of welcome. He licked into Clover’s mouth and was drunk on his taste alone. 

Clover moved to straddle Qrow’s legs and brought his hands to rest on top strong shoulders. He left little space between them and relished in the heat of Qrow’s body against him. His heart soared to new heights. His entire being singing with joy at finally being able to be with Qrow. Something hard pressed against his inner thigh and he was quickly overwhelmed with the possibilities. Without knowing he was rocking back down on Qrow’s erection. The pressure sending Clover into a state of lustful bliss. 

Qrow gripped Clover’s hips and felt Clover rock against him over and over again. The noises he was making getting Qrow even harder. Images of Clover doing the same thing but with far less clothing had Qrow break away from their heated kiss and moan into the man’s neck. His teeth scraped the sensitive skin of Clover’s jaw and was rewarded with a hard grind on his aching cock.  

“Fuck, beautiful if you keep doing that this won’t last long,” Qrow growled against Clover’s panting mouth.

Clover blinked a few times to try and clear the lust from his eyes, “Did you just call me beautiful?” He muttered, his voice low with want.

Qrow puffed out a laughed, “I did, gorgeous. Should I stop?”

The endearments sent a sock of pure desire through Clover’s system and he couldn’t stop himself from searching for Qrow’s lips again. “Don’t ever stop,” He said before diving back into kissing him. 

Their second kiss was filled with desire. Clover kept a steady rhythm with his hips and greedily took every little sound Qrow made. His entire body was on fire, the cold no longer an issue between them. 

Qrow’s hands moved down the center of Clover’s chest until they reached the top of his pants. 

“Can I?” He asked between kisses.

Clover couldn’t find the power to speak so he just nodded in enthusiastic consent.

In a matter of second Qrow had his hand down Clover’s pants and wrapping his long fingers against his throbbing cock.

“God, Clover if you’re like this now I can’t wait until I have you ridding me,” Qrow pulled away and whisper directly into his ear. “Just look at you desperate and so fucking pretty. Just wait until we get back because I am going to have you every way I can think of.”

Clover cried out at the feel of Qrow’s hand. A whimper was ripped out of him when he had those words spoken with such filthy promise into his ear. Qrow pulled his cock free and began to stroke Clover in earnest 

“Oh god, fuck. Qrow don’t stop. Yes, just like that,” Clover was a babbling mess of lust and tension. With every stroke, he found himself closer and closer to the edge of pure bliss. 

Qrow licked and kissed at his neck. Then he sunk his teeth into Clover’s pulse point and he was gone. He came with Qrow’s name on his lips and his hands tangling in Qrow’s hair. 

RING RING RING

It was Qrow’s scroll.

“What the hell, I thought we didn’t have signal,” Qrow quickly wiped them clean with the corner of the nearest sheet. When he was done he fished his scroll from his pocket.

INCOMING CALL FROM WINTER

Clover was still in a post-orgasm haze and made to get up only to have Qrow tighten his hold on him to keep him in place.

“What’s up Ice Queen?” Qrow answered, his voice rough. 

They’ll be an extraction team for you and Clover in the next hour. The worst of the blizzard has passed. She didn’t wait for a response before she hung up. 

Both men stayed still until Qrow’s scroll went black. 

“Qrow?” Clover began to ask, his body still a bit weak. 

“Oh no, I’m not done with you yet Lucky Charms. You heard her, we still have an hour.” Qrow threw his scroll to the side and went back to kissing Clover.

[heyyyharry]

Chapter 6: Teenagers In Love

(from the My Girl Trilogy: Be My Only)

…in which Harry finds the perfect location for their official date.

Warning: SMUT 😱

AU: actor!Harry, older!Harry, younger!Y/N, (4-year age gap).

Word count: 4.3k

Chapter 5: Her - Harry tries to win Y/N back, but there’s another problem.

Wattpad link

A/N: This chapter is inspired by 17 by Julia Michaels and Teenager In Love by Madison Beer 😄

You make me feel like a teenager in love / Can we stay in this dream like we are 17?

.

.

.

From the passenger seat, Harry watched the giant light orb slowly sink beneath the fiery horizon. His skin was cooled by the wind but his heart was as warm as the color of the sky. Even this beautiful sunset couldn't hold his attention for too long.

He turned right back to Y/N, his lips pressed into a smirk when she stopped humming her favorite song and complained, "quit staring at me, it's creepy," but her nonchalant smile let him know she secretly liked it.

"We're on a date, Bambi. I'm supposed to be staring at you," he said with a hand on her thigh and she instantly smacked it away.

"Don't be handsy while I'm driving," Y/N grumbled.

Harry intended to crack a joke about how extra careful she was, but they were heading toward an intersection so he paused to tell her, "turn left here and keep going straight."

"But this route leads us out of the city."

"Yeah." He calmly nodded despite her confusion. "Didn't I tell you we weren't gonna be in London tonight?"

It took her less than two seconds to figure out what he meant and her eyes grew wider than before. "No. Fucking. Way."

"Yes, baby. We're going home."

The proud look on his face made her chuckle. "I've underestimated you."

"Apology accepted," he said while beaming. "I think it'll be more meaningful if I take you back to where we started. So," he clasped both hands together, "for tonight, I want us to be two normal teenagers going on their normal first date."

"If we're teenagers then how old are we?"

"Seventeen."

"So we're not legal yet?"

"Shit!" He faked a gasp. "I forgot that it's our birthday today! We're eighteen now!"

Y/N cracked up and poked her head out of the window to shout, "TODAY IS OUR BIRTHDAY!" at a random car. The couple was in hysterics when the grumpy driver flipped them off, but they couldn't care less, because there was no one else on this empty highway. Her hair was blowing in the wind, so he reached out and carefully tucked a strand behind her ear. She looked so beautiful right now. And he had never felt more in love.

It was dark when they finally arrived in Holmes Chapel. Having lived in London for too long, Harry was used to the warm glow of streetlights outside his bedroom window, and so he found such darkness strange, yet mesmerizing. The sky was a pure velvety black sprinkled with luminous stars. The moon was full and bright, the most beautiful he had recalled, so maybe it was a sign from the universe welcoming them home. Leaning out of the window, he inhaled the Jasmine-scented air, as the memories of his childhood rushed back like a fast-forwarded film inside his head. When he was a teenager, he used to enjoy driving in the night, he never remembered all the roads in this town, but he wasn't afraid of getting lost because they would always lead him home.

"Are you hungry?" He turned back to her, sounding like a happy little boy as he suggested, "let's go to that famous gastro pub near our school, the one we couldn't afford when we were little, what's its called?"

"Ginger Barrel?"

"Yeah, yeah, that one!" His eyes lit up in excitement. "Is it still there?"

"Yeah." She nodded, flashing him a grin. "I still can't afford it though."

"Tonight you do! I'm your credit card."

Y/N instantly responded with a scoff as she rolled her eyes and pushed his face away. "No, you're not. We'll split the bill."

"I knew you were gonna say that. But you drove me here, so just think of it as me paying for the fuel."

"Fine," she agreed just so he would shut up. "But next time you drive, and I'll buy you dinner."

Just as she finished that sentence, the car lurched forward, stopped in the middle of the street and the motor went off completely. It was ironic how they had just mentioned fueling the vehicle, but one second later it broke down without warning and left them stranded on a back road through the woods.

"Don't worry, it happens a lot," Y/N reassured her startled date as she took a deep breath. "Let's just wait here for a while and it'll work again."

"How long exactly?"

"About...an hour."

"What?!" He gasped. "Bambi, we're in the middle of nowhere!"

"I'm sorry, okay? I don't—" She suddenly paused, her eyes lit up as if she'd just recognized something. She grabbed his shoulder, shaking him slightly. "Hey, do you trust me?"

"Of course, I do," he said, though doubt was clear in his tone.

"Okay, then help me move the car to the side of the road. We're taking a walk."

"Wait, what?"

"Trust me," she reassured him. "I know this town like the back of my hand, I grew up here."

"Ouch!" Harry gripped his chest like he'd just been shot in the heart and her laughter torn down the silence surrounding them. Eventually, he got out of the vehicle and helped her move it to the side of the road. His heart was racing when she took his hand, mostly because he had no idea where she was taking him. His manager, Jeff, would never have allowed him to risk losing his money-making tool — his own life, from walking into the dark woods. However, his heart was speaking for his brain right now, and it told him to follow her wherever she went, so he did, no questions asked.

But Y/N wasn't joking when she said she knew Holmes Chapel like the back of her hand. After only five minutes of walking, they got out of the woods and found themselves in a large meadow. It wasn't the first time he'd been here, because he remembered that lake in which he used to go swimming every summer night. He and Y/N would climb on the giant oak tree and sit on its biggest branch to practice skipping rocks.

"I discovered that shortcut when Celine and I were out here looking for her cat." Y/N tugged at his sleeve, pointing ahead. "Our school is right across those trees. See?"

"Yeah..." He chuckled, their fingers were interlocked as he turned back and looked into her soft eyes. He caressed her cheeks, slowly and tenderly. Her lashes fluttered as she held his gaze and locked her fingers around both of his wrists to keep his hands on her face. Those few quiet seconds were the most relaxing he'd felt in such a long time, as if time had stopped and they were the only ones left on Earth.

"You're so beautiful," he spoke softly, watching her eyes twinkled when she laughed.

"So are you," she said in an undertone and didn't protest when he leaned in, and finally captured her mouth with his own for a slow and chaste kiss, which turned hasty and sensual in a second. He slid his fingers into her hair as her arms snaked around his waist, pulling him in. It was he who withdrew and put a hand on her neck to keep them apart.

"Let's slow down, yeah?" he said, their forehead pressed together. "We've got all night."

She quietly nodded and licked her lip, which made him want to go against his own words and kiss her again. But he managed to fight his own urges to break away from her.

They sat down on the grass by the lake, looking up at the glittering assemblage of stars and allowing their own silence to take over. There was nothing more soothing than the sound of crickets singing in combination with the peaceful rustling of leaves. The soft breezes blew through the trees, brushed against the water's surface and blurred the reflection of the night sky, only for it to go back to complete stillness like an enormous mirror laid on the ground.

In the absence of the rest of the world, Harry and Y/N finally did what they should have done years ago. They talked.

He told her his side of the story which she'd never got to hear, from how he'd come to her place after she'd left, to how her journal entries had helped him see the many things he'd done wrong. He expected her to be angry, but instead, she gave him a smile. "I thought I lost that notebook."

"I was scared you'd hate me if you found out I'd kept it all this time."

"Good thing I already hate you," she replied and laughed along with him. Then she began to talk about herself, about everything, including how she'd discovered her mother's secret, which had helped her mend the relationship with her dad, but also made her give up on her dream of becoming a writer.

"I don't know..." She shrugged while toying with a wildflower at her feet. "My feelings and expectations had caused me so much trouble in the past. I just...don't want to get hurt anymore, so it's better to focus on the present and reality instead of dwelling in the past or the fictional worlds I've created. Without unrealistic expectations, you can never be disappointed, right?"

Harry let his thoughts run for a while before pursing his lips, seemingly disagree. "You are a great writer, Bambi," he blurted. "Everyone needs to read your stories, they're fantastic, even the ones you wrote when you were a little girl. And what's wrong with unrealistic expectations, anyway? For all I know, they're what make the world a less horrible place. Take me for example, I love acting because I get to be someone else, even for just temporary, but it feels nice to pretend you're not you and you're in a different world and have a different personality. Things like those make life much more interesting, don't you agree?"

She said nothing, just staring at him with an ambiguous smile that left him dumbfounded.

"Did I say something wrong?" He asked.

Only now did she shake her head. "No, you're absolutely right." Then she paused for a second. "You sound like my mum, that's all. If she was here, she would say something like that."

"Do you still think about her? I don't see you wearing the necklace I gave you anymore."

"I still do, sometimes, not as often as before, but—Well, I have to let her go at one point, right?" She giggled softly, hugging her knees to her chest and glancing heavenward.

Harry had always thought the sky full of stars in his hometown was the most beautiful work of art, because he grew up dreaming and pondering under that sky. He'd missed it a lot while living in London, where the city lights would drown out even the brightest stars. But now that he was here, engulfed by a luminous galaxy, he realized it wasn't just the night sky in Holmes Chapel that he'd missed; it was also her. And now he didn't have to look at those stars anymore because his entire universe was already right next to him.

"Have you ever gone skinny-dipping?"

Her sudden question caught him off guard, so he stuttered, "uh...no, why?"

Y/N stood up, but before he could ask another question, she pulled her summer dress over her head and tossed it down on the grass. She wasn't wearing a bra so her bare breasts spilled out, leaving him gawking like a fool. He had seen much more, but this sight got his cheeks turning pink. Ignoring the look on his face, Y/N kicked off her shoes and pulled down her panties, letting them fall at her feet as she tip-toed to step out of them. The moonlight made her breasts look smaller, but she was still perfect to him, her naked form had him bewitched. He could clearly see the goosebumps on her arms, the scars on her legs for all those years she'd climbed the tree in their backyard. Her body was like a map of her beautiful childhood memories, which was why he fell in love with it as he'd done with her.

"You coming?"

He blinked rapidly when her voice pulled him back to reality. His eyebrows drew together in concern. "What if someone sees us?"

"No one will, I've done this many times before." Her answer left him in shock. Without waiting for him to follow, she turned and gave him one last look over the shoulder before running toward the lake. He watched her dive in with no splash, like a mermaid under the beautiful moonlight. She was swimming around and dipping her head back in the water to smoothen her sleek hair.

"Come on, Harry, don't be a pussy!" She broke into a fit of laughter.

Harry sighed, rolled his eyes and swiftly stripped himself naked, but he didn't jump right in; he slowly walked into the lake as if to test the water temperature, and Y/N just lost her patient. She swam up to him, grabbed his hand and dragged him underwater. He frantically clawed back to the surface, gasping for air.

"That was mean!"

"Calm down, Styles! Have some fun!" She giggled when he splashed water at her and pulled her to him. Before she could say anything, he shut her up with his lips. His heart was beating so fast that his skin tingled and his stomach was on fire. He thought this might be too much because his cock was firm against her stomach, but Y/N didn't mind, she took the initiative and slipped her tongue between his lips. His arms were tightened around her waist as he swam them over to the edge of the lake, kissing her neck and groaning into her cold skin.

He wasn't in his right mind when he moved his right hand between her thighs and caressed her clit with his thumb. The breathy sound of his name escaped her mouth, her eyes fell shut when he dipped his index finger inside of her. She moaned louder, her face buried in the crook of his neck as she kissed his collarbone. Now she truly felt like a hormonal teenager.

"Fuck...baby..." She gasped and moved his hand away, leaving him frantic. "I want to but...not here."

"Oh...okay." He kissed her again, softly. "But not in a car again please."

"Oh, God. Don't bring that up!"

"Alright, alright, let's get out of here. I know just the place." He laughed and kissed her shoulder when she hid her face into the crook of his neck.

The couple got out of the lake and fumbled their clothes back on. He'd been knuckle-deep inside of her just a minute ago, but now both of them were flustered just from watching each other get dressed. He slipped into his jeans as color burned in his cheeks, thankfully the darkness hid that so well. Walking back to the car, they couldn't keep their hands off each other, one moment their fingers were interlocked, and the next his hands were underneath her dress and they were kissing. He didn't usually do this when he was on a date, but they weren't in London now, they were home. No one was here to spy on them, to judge them, or make them feel uncomfortable. Tonight, it was just them and the moon.

They made out in the front seat for a while until the flashing light of another car tore them apart. She hurriedly climbed to the passenger seat, letting him be the one behind the wheel this time. They both looked like a mess right now, especially Y/N with her hair wet and tangled, her dress riding up, one strap falling past her shoulder. He had to use up all of his self-control to ignore his aching erection and started the engine to get them out of here as fast as he could. That fancy dinner will have to wait, he told himself. As she leaned out of the window and stared at the dark trees sliding past them, he took another turn to enter the highway and kept on driving until their childhood houses came into view.

"Wait, no!" She bounced up in her seat, staring at him with wide eyes. "Why are we here?"

"We're going to my house."

"We're not having sex while your parents are downstairs, Harry!"

The way she reacted got him shaking with laughter. "Relax, kid, they're not home. They're visiting my stepdad's family."

She released a sigh of relief when he pulled over in front of his yard. They got out at the same time. She walked around the car, toward him, her eyes narrowed for she didn't get why he was smiling. He didn't tell her, but the truth was, he found it interesting that she'd never waited for him to open the door for her. He guessed that was just how she was; she preferred doing things by herself.

They walked the steps up to his front door, and Harry was glad he'd brought the spare key just in case they might need to stay the night. Little did he knew, his plan didn't go smoothly as he'd expected. When he pushed the door open, the first thing he saw was his mother in her PJs. Just like the young couple, Anne was in shock. It was only until she saw them holding hands that she cheerfully exclaimed, "you two are finally together!"

Harry chuckled when she rushed toward them and pulled them both into a hug. She didn't even ask why they were home this late at night, all she cared about was them finally being something more than friends. Immediately, Anne pulled away and gripped Y/N's shoulders tightly as she sized her up. "My God, why are you soaked? Was it raining on the way here?"

"It was." Y/N giggled, glancing up at Harry whose face reddened as he scratched the back of his head. "Mum, where's Robin?"

"Oh, he's visiting his family," Anne said, and Harry received a glare from Y/N. The mother still hadn't caught on what was happening so she looked rather excited about seeing her son again, especially when he was with the girl she'd hoped he would end up with.

"You could've told me you were coming! Hurry, go upstairs and change or you'll get sick." Anne didn't wait for a response as she propelled the kids toward the stairs, and they had no choice but to do as she said. Y/N walked in front of Harry, who kept his hands on her hips the entire time, as if she was a toddler and couldn't walk on her own.

His bedroom was at the end of the hallway, right next to Gemma's. The hole in the roof had been fixed, and the room looked as good as the last time he'd seen it before moving to his dorm in London. He had taken most of the stuff with him that day, so now the room only contained a small bed, neatly made, and a small table with two straight-backed chairs. His walls looked empty without those posters that seventeen-year-old him thought were cool. A lot had changed since then.

Y/N made her way to the bed, sat down and signaled him to shut the door. His heart was pounding out of control as he came to sit right by her side. They were kissing again, this time, the kiss was slower, but wet and enthusiastic.

"I slept in this bed once..." She spoke with a brittle voice as his lips pressed against the curve of her jaw. "I was nine, and my parents were out of town..."

"I remember," he said between open-mouthed kisses down her neck. "You made me...sleep...so...far away from you...because you said...boys were gross."

Her chest vibrated with laughter. She cupped his cheeks and lifted his face. "Boys are gross," she repeated, making him laugh.

"Yeah? I guess kissing is gross too? All that saliva and stuff..." He teased before his lips found hers again.

Soon she was lying on her back with him on top. Her dress was on the floor, along with his shirt and jeans. His skin was slick with sweat and she felt so aroused watching the beads roll down the tattoos on his toned chest. Her nipples were hard and begging to be touched, and Harry knew that because his cock was the same. So he sucked on a nipple, causing her back to arch as he gripped her bottom and ground his erection against her glistening folds. She felt so embarrassed that they were doing this with his mother's presence in the house, but lust had taken control over her, and now every single part of her was yearning for him.

He tore his mouth away to look at her, his pupils were huge as he observed her face, stroking her bottom lip with his thumb.

"I love you so much." He breathed. "I wish that I was your first."

"You are," she whispered, and a smile crept up on her face when she saw how dumbfounded he was.

"Tonight, we're each other's first, remember?" She reminded him. Her lips curved into a smile as he muttered "I love you" again and again, before pulling down his boxers in one swift movement. As he reached for his jeans on the floor to get the condoms from his pocket, his cock twitched, it was leaking, and painfully hard, so she couldn't blame him when he nearly fell off the bed trying to open the pack and put the condom on with his trembling hands.

Pushing her thighs apart, he moved between them, then wasted no time to carefully guide himself into her. The fullness and stretch were familiar and strange at the same time. She hadn't had him in a year so it was sore when he entered. He felt even more massive than she remembered. Then he was all the way inside, a heavy groan got stuck in his throats as he pressed his forehead against hers, his mouth hung open and his face twisted.

"God, you're tight," he gasped. "I could just come right now, I'm not joking."

Her laugh jerked as he began to move experimentally, the intense pleasure had them both shudder at the same time. Then he picked up the pace, thrusting a little more rapid. He was so thick and full inside of her that she could feel him all the way in her stomach. She struggled to breathe, yet her hips were bucking to urge him to move faster. And so he did, giving her exactly what she'd asked for.

He slid one hand down to her hip and his head dropped forward as he pounded harder toward orgasm. She could feel the heat spreading all over her body like wildfire, but as her fingers found her clit, he smacked her hand away and replaced it with his own. All she could do was look at him helplessly, her eyelids fluttered but she wanted to watch him come. His mouth was in an 'o' shape as her nails scratched down his back and the overwhelming sensation swept right through them. Y/N bit onto his shoulder to muffle her cries, soon his head fell back, and a growl rumbled in his throat as he chased his release. He flopped down on top of her afterward, her entire body went numb, completely fucked out.

"That was good..." She managed to speak but unable to move a muscle.

"Yeah? That was my first time, I'm a natural."

She playfully hit his shoulder for that joke and both of them dissolved into laughter. Slowly, Harry pulled himself out of her pulsing heat which still fought to keep him inside. He shifted around to make himself comfortable before looking up at her.

"I forgot," he said softly.

"Forgot what?"

"To say I love you during." His answer put a smile on her face. Though her eyes were closed, she could tell he was also smiling at her.

"You don't have to say it every five minutes, H."

"Yeah but..." He pressed a kiss to her flushed cheek. "I love you."

She responded with a giggle and turned her head to look at him again. As she parted her lips to say something, his mother's voice caused them both to flinch. "Hey, you guys want some milk?!"

"No, mum!" He shouted back to her, but there was no answer. The horrified look on his face made Y/N laugh so hard that her stomach was in pain.

"Is she gonna come up here? Because I honestly can't move."

"She might. But don't worry, I already locked the door," he reassured her and laid a kiss on her forehead, pulling her back into his arms.

.

.

.

The sun had come out by the time they made it to London, and Y/N pulled her car to the side of the road to drop him off at work. Their bodies were aching and exhausted from all the love-making and staying up all night just to talk. But that wasn't a big problem now that they were happier than they'd ever been. The memories from last night would be enough to get them through another busy day, until they got to see each other again.

"Will you come over tonight?" She asked as he unbuckled his seatbelt.

"Sure, love." Harry nodded. When he leaned in, however, Y/N instantly put a hand on his chest.

"We can't," she reminded him. They had already risked being seen together, she couldn't let anyone catch them making out in public, especially when things were just looking up. Harry also knew that, still he seemed disappointed. Right before he could leave, however, she held onto his arm.

"Have a nice day," she said with a bashful smile. "I love you."

His expression dulled for a second before his whole face lit up with a massive grin. "Fuck it," he exhaled, grasped her face, and kissed her hard. Y/N’s eyes went round as she pushed him right off, but the man didn't seem to care at all. He told her he loved her before getting out of the car and happily leaping up the steps into the building, while she stayed here, smiling like a fool.

But then that smile was gone. She saw Ruby stepping out of her black Audi and their eyes met for a brief second which felt like a minute. The woman was ice cold as she slammed the door and marched up the steps into the same building.

[messagefromtheveins]

Dirty Little Secret (Who Has To Know?)

A/N: I don’t even know how to start. Probably by mentioning that this is a threesome fic between Shawn and Cez and the Reader. I honestly don’t think I would’ve ever finished it, much less would be posting it, without @waitonmedarling listening to my rambles and helping me out whenever I got stuck and most of all enduring all of my thirsty thoughts. Also for proof reading this. Thank you! 😘

Please keep in mind that I know close to nothing about Cez because it’s really hard to find anything about him 😂

Look at me trying to be ~edgy~ with these titles lately

Words: 10k

Pairing: Shawn/Cez/Reader

Warning: Smut. Threesome. 

Tour life was crazy and exhausting most of the time, so much that you sometimes found yourself wondering why you had chosen this life. But then, on nights off like this one, with the whole team gathered in a bar, you remembered why you enjoyed this lifestyle so much.

"Who's getting the next round?"

"I will," you responded and got up, stopping mid step when a hand curled around your wrist.

Worried dark eyes looked up to you before Shawn looked over his shoulder towards the crowded bar, mostly surrounded by guys. "Want me to come with you?" he offered, getting an immediate smile from you. That was part of the reason why you loved working for him- how caring and thoughtful he was, never letting the fame get to his head and always being the charming guy he is.

"I'll be fine, but thanks," you smiled, his touch leaving your wrist as you once again turned to step away from the table.

What you didn’t know was that you had two pairs of eyes following you as you walked over to the bar to order the next round of shots, both of them checking you out.

–—–—–—–—–—–

The night hadn't started like that, but at some point you found yourself sitting in between Shawn and Cez, both of them so close that their thighs kept brushing yours below the table- you were still trying to figure out if it was accidental. But you couldn't deny that you were absolutely enjoying yourself, surrounded by two incredibly attractive guys.

'I am sitting between 2 guys who are both too attractive to be true, who both smell too good to be true, are too funny to be true and they keep touching me in friendly ways that actually drive me insane. help!!'

That was the text that had started everything that would happen later that night. That text had turned into your friend interrogating you on both Shawn and Cez before it had somehow turned into a threesome talk. And to top the whole thing off you made the horrible mistake of leaving your phone on the table while you went to pee.

Cez's gaze caught your phone as the screen lit up with an incoming message, already about to look back up when he caught his name. Curiosity got best of him as he lightly leaned over so he could read the message before the screen would go black again.

'for real tho. A threesome with Shawn and Cez would be a dream come true, right?! I honestly don't get how you didn't give in to either one of them already'

Clearing his throat, he looked over his shoulder to check that you weren't just now coming back to the table before he took your phone while nudging Shawn across your empty chair.

Shawn turned to look at his tour manager and raised his eyebrows as Cez handed him the phone, but wordlessly took it and read the message. His eyes widened in an almost comical way before his head snapped up, searching the bar before he turned to Cez again. "What is this?"

–—–—–—–—–—–

You were blissfully unaware of what had happened while you had been in the bathroom, sitting down between the two guys again and reaching for your drink. You didn't notice the way they kept staring at you out of the corner of their eyes.

What you did notice was the way they suddenly turned even more touchy than before. The first touch of Cez's hand on your thigh startled you for a short moment, but you didn't read too much into it. You smiled as Shawn put his arm over the back of your chair and started playing with your hair, simply because you knew that he was quite the touchy person. But you had to bite back a moan as Cez's hand later placed on the back of your neck where he actually started to lightly massage your skin.

Even when you reached for your phone to answer your friends text with a few eye-roll emojis you still didn't make the connection.

Shawn leaned in closer to you, his lips lightly brushing the shell of your ear. You knew that it didn't seem like a strange thing to an outsider, especially with how loud it was in the bar, so it only looked like he was casually telling you something. But his words made you shiver. "What if I told you that Cez and I are down for it?"

Your eyes widened before you forced yourself to act calmly, knowing that tons of questions would be fired your way if someone noticed. Turning to look at him as he pulled back again, he gave you a soft grin as he noticed your shocked expression. "For what?" you asked, your voice weak as all kinds of fantasies crossed your mind while you didn't want to get your hopes up yet.

His only response was to tap the black screen of your phone. Swallowing heavily, you turned to look at Cez as he lightly placed his hand on your thigh again. "I might've seen the text. Sorry," he apologized in a quiet voice.

Your thoughts started racing as you tried to figure out what you had gotten yourself into and if you really weren't just dreaming. "You can't be serious, guys," you finally concluded, receiving a grin and a shrug from Cez while Shawn smirked at you.

Clearing his throat, Shawn leaned in again. "Why don't we head back to the hotel?" he murmured right when Cez's hand gently squeezed your thigh, your eyes widening for a moment as you swallowed heavily. Keeping your gaze on his hand- his thumb slowly brushing back and forth while he patiently waited for you to make a decision- you slowly lifted your head and looked from one guy to the other a few times before you found yourself nodding.

You were scared that it would seem suspicious, but no one seemed to question why the three of you left at the same time. The hotel was only a short walk away from the bar and it passed in silence, Shawn only quickly waving at the couple of fans waiting in front of the hotel before you entered the building.

"Mine or yours?" Cez murmured, the simple question making your heart skip a beat in excitement. You were really about to do this.

"Mine. You of all people should know that I got the best room," Shawn responded with a grin, chuckling as Cez shoved him with a smirk. Usually you would roll your eyes at them, but the fact that the three of you were waiting for the elevator to take you up to Shawn's room where you might experience the best night of your life kept you quiet.

Of course other people were getting in the elevator with you, your fantasies of getting pushed up against the mirrored walls and kissed until you were breathless getting destroyed immediately. But your heart started beating faster when a strong and tattooed arm snuck around your middle, gently tugging you back until you were pressed up against his front. You had to bite your lip as he slowly- in movements so light that an outsider definitely wouldn't notice them- rolled his hips against the curve of your ass.

You reached the floor before you even fully got to appreciate how nice it felt to have his arms wrapped around you like that, the three of you the only ones that got out. Cez wrapped an arm around your shoulders as you walked down the long hallways while Shawn dug his keycard out of the back pocket of his jeans, your head turning to look up to him. "You know you can tell us if you change your mind about this, right?" he asked quietly, giving you a comforting smile that had your heartbeat slow down.

You nodded. "I know," you responded and smiled as he placed a soft kiss on your cheek like he usually did right after greeting you. You reached the door right when Shawn unlocked it, holding it open and letting you step inside first with a soft smile. What you didn't know- but highly suspected- was that you had two pair of eyes staring at your butt before they followed you into the room.

You heard the lock click into place before you turned around to them to find Shawn tossing the card on the desk shoved against the wall while Cez took his jacket off and threw it over the back of one of the armchairs. You followed his example and took your shoes and socks off while you were at it before you straightened up again and gave them a grin. "I have to be honest with you guys, I've never done this before."

"You think we have?" Shawn chuckled and ran a hand through his hair, Cez clearing his throat beside him and immediately getting all of the attention.

Scratching the back of his neck, he shrugged and gave you a smirk. "Actually, I have," he confessed, your eyes widening while Shawn took a step back and stared at his tour manager with pure disbelief written in his eyes.

"You what?"

Cez shrugged. "Yeah. So?"

Crossing your arms in front of your chest with a big grin, you tilted your head at them. "But what would this do to your wholesome duo reputation?" you teased with a grin. "Imagine the shitstorm if your fans find out that their beloved Shawn isn't an innocent boy like they all assume."

Quickly looking over to his tour manager, he grinned before he approached you. His hands settled on your waist as soon as he was close enough, looking down on you with warm and dark eyes before he slowly leaned in closer. You instinctively reached up to grasp his upper arms as the tip of his nose lightly rubbed against yours while your eyelids fluttered. You couldn't decide if you wanted to close them already or keep them open until he would finally kiss you. "But you don't kiss and tell, do you?" he whispered, his lips almost brushing yours as he talked.

"Guess you have to find out," you breathed right before he closed the gap between you, his soft lips perfectly fitting against yours. You couldn't hold back the quiet whimper as he kissed you in a tender way, his grip on you tightening at the sound. Reaching up, you wrapped your arms around his neck and pushed yourself up on your tip toes in the process, your chest pressing up against his.

You were aware of the sound of Cez moving around, but you couldn't bring yourself to concentrate on it while Shawn gently coaxed you to part your lips- which you didn't hesitate to do- before he deepened the kiss, a low groan rumbling in his chest at the first taste of you. The feeling of another pair of hands settling on your hips startled you for a moment, but you found yourself relaxing into it as another body pressed up against your back.

You broke away from the kiss with a soft gasp as warm lips touched the side of your neck in gentle kisses, the feeling of his beard brushing over your skin giving you immediate goosebumps. Your fingers tugged on Shawn's hair as he didn't hesitate to dip his head down, peppering a bit rougher kisses over the other side of your neck.

"Shit, guys," you whimpered, your teeth harshly digging into your bottom lip as Cez boldly moved his hands up to cup your boobs, his low moan muffled against your skin. But then some part of your brain started working again, immediate panic bubbling up. "Hold on."

Your voice was barely more than a breath, but they both pulled back immediately. Dark eyes looked down on you, understanding written in them as he let go of you, letting you take a step back after Cez's touch left you. "It's okay. We don't have to do anything if you're not comfortable," Shawn reassured you, the smile he gave you only easing your worries a bit.

Running a hand through your hair, you sighed and met Cez's blue eyes as he stepped around you to look at you with concerned eyes. "That's really not the problem, guys," you mumbled, your teeth nervously biting your bottom lip.

"Then what is it?" Cez asked, his voice quiet and soothing.

You started pacing the hotel room, your heart racing in your chest. "How can you be so calm about this? What if things get weird after we do this? I mean, we're working together literally every day and-"

"Hey," Cez's voice was firm, his hands grasping your upper arms to bring your restless legs to a stop. Your eyes were wide as you looked up to him. "Deep breaths, yeah? It's not worth having a panic attack over this," he told you, smiling as you took a shaky breath and held it in your lungs for a long moment before slowly releasing it again.

It was quiet in the room for a moment before you spoke up again. "How do threesomes even work? Is there some guidebook?"

Both of them chuckled, Cez letting go of you when he was sure that you wouldn't start to panic again. "Why don't you ask Mister 'had a threesome before'?" Shawn sassed and nodded over to his tour manager who started to laugh.

"Are you mad that you don't have as much experience as I do?"

Shawn crossed his arms in front of his chest while leaning back against one of the armchairs, but before he could speak up your quiet and insecure voice reached them.

"Guys…"

"You're thinking way too much about this, honey," Shawn told you, his defensive stance having softened instantly as soon as his eyes had met yours. "I also don't know what will happen and how this whole thing will work," he continued, giving you an encouraging smile as you nervously nibbled around on your bottom lip. The realization that he was just as inexperienced as you were in this case calmed you immensely. "Just relax. We'll just… go with the flow, okay? Do whatever feels right. No pressure."

You took a calming breath before you nodded. "Okay. I can do that."

"So, if I were to kiss you, would that be okay?" Cez asked and slowly stepped closer to you again.

"That would be more than okay," you grinned and reached for him as soon as he was close enough, your hands cupping around his face while he leaned down to kiss you. Kissing him was so much different than kissing Shawn- the feeling of his beard on your skin had you swallowing down a moan, wondering what it would feel like on the inside of your thighs or even right against your-

The feeling of his hands settling on your hips brought you back to reality, tugging you closer to him while he deepened the kiss before his hands slid to rest on your butt, squeezing the cheeks gently. "Just-" you were interrupted as Cez kissed you again, your lips curling into a smile. "Just a quick question," you said as you finally managed to break away from him, your head tilting as he immediately attacked your neck in gentle kisses again while your hands moved to grasp his shoulders.

"What is it?" Shawn asked, staying right where he was and giving you a smirk as your eyelids fluttered when Cez found that one really sensitive spot on your neck. One of your hands tangled into Cez's hair at the back of his head as he concentrated on the spot, your back arching and chest pushing against his as he sucked on it.

"When did you even talk about this?" your voice was breathy, eyes falling closed as Cez moved a hand up to rest it on your back like he wanted to keep you pressed up against him like this.

Moving his head up, he gently nibbled on your earlobe and received a gasp from you, your fingers tugging on his hair. "When your friend sent that text," he answered, his voice deeper and sending a shiver down your back before he moved in to kiss you again. You moaned into his mouth, his hands slowly sliding beneath your long sleeve, fingers tickling your back.

You licked your bottom lip as he pulled away, eyes opening to find Shawn approaching. "And you managed to agree that you're both down for it while I was in the bathroom for just a couple of minutes?" you grinned up to Cez while Shawn stepped up behind you.

Grasping the hem of your sweater, Shawn grinned as you didn't hesitate to lift your arms up, allowing him to tug it off. Cez immediately moved his attention to your chest, your breasts perfectly spilling out of the cups of your bra. "Guess we're both fucked for you," Cez murmured and gave you a smirk.

Shawn slowly explored your back, his fingertips ghosting over your skin while your hips tilted back. A low growl rumbled in his chest behind you as your butt pushed against his crotch, Cez lightly toying with the straps of your bra and slowly brushing them off your shoulders.

Blue eyes looked down on you with a fond expression written in them as he noticed the blush on your cheeks. "Don't be shy, darling," he whispered and leaned in to place soft kisses over your jaw while his hands traced down your sides to curl around the side of your butt that was slowly grinding back, Shawn's sinfully quiet whimpers sounding like heaven to your ears.

Cez backed off as Shawn tugged you back against his toned chest, big hands spread over your lower stomach to keep you in place as he gently bit your shoulder, the sound he received going straight south. "We'll take good care of you tonight, honey," Shawn promised in a whisper, the two of you watching Cez as he pulled the curtains shut to give you a sense of privacy from the world outside. You breathlessly gasped Shawn's name as he slowly snuck his hand under your jeans before he hesitated, but the way you tilted your hips into his touch had him moving his hand fully down.

He grunted against your shoulder as a single finger dipped between your folds, your juices immediately coating his finger as he rubbed slow circles over your clit. Your knees buckled as you finally got some friction on your clit and your eyes were heavy lidded as you found Cez watching you with darkened eyes. You moved a hand back, Shawn's deep groan filling the room just a moment later as you palmed him over his jeans, his cock straining against the denim.

"God, baby," he murmured, wishing that your tight jeans would allow him to push his fingers into you and really feel you, "'got me so hard for you."

Turning your head, you found his lips in a bit of an awkward angle, but neither of you really seemed to care as he greedily devoured your lips. It didn't last as long as you had hoped for, instead you were interrupted when he moaned your name while you applied pressure on his tip through his jeans. "You two are quite the sight for sore eyes," Cez's voice reached you, your head turning back to find him sitting on the edge of the bed, palming himself over his jeans.

"See what you're doing to us?" Shawn whispered into your ear, his teeth tugging on your earlobe while his finger moved over your clit just perfectly. You whimpered as he pulled his hand back, not even getting the chance to complain before he gave you a gentle push towards Cez who held a hand out to you.

Your head was still spinning a bit when you took his hand as soon as you were close enough, letting him tug you between his spread legs. "Can't wait to get my mouth on you," he murmured and placed a couple of small pecks along the waistband of your jeans, your mouth dropping open without a sound coming out. It only took a swift move from him to have you flopping down on the bed, laying flat on your back on the bed with your legs dangling off the edge. Crawling over you, he braced his hands on either side of you while he held himself up above you, his lips meeting yours over and over in kisses that gradually turned longer and hotter.

You inhaled deeply and tilted your head back as he trailed soft kisses down your neck, your hands in his hair as he kissed over the swell of your breasts. His hands were eagerly exploring your bare skin, your eyes fluttering open as the bed dipped under another weight beside you. Shawn gave you a soft smile- by now in nothing but his black skinny jeans with the white waistband of his boxers peeking out- while he tossed an entire Durex pack on the bed beside him.

You grinned while Cez chuckled against your stomach, his head lifting. "Got a long night planned?" he teased while he moved to kneel on the floor in front of the bed, right between your legs. You got hot and cold at the sight, squirming in anticipation as his fingers reached for the button of your jeans.

Shawn smirked and shrugged a shoulder. "You don't?" he responded, not seeming to expect an answer as he turned to you. His features softened immediately, reaching out to brush your hair back while you lifted your hips off the bed to allow Cez to pull your jeans off. "You good, honey?" Shawn whispered and cupped a hand around the side of your face. You nodded, but before you could speak up you felt a broad tongue pushing against your clit with the fabric of your panties in between, a gasp falling from your lips while your back arched off the bed.

"Fuck, Cez," you moaned, your head tilting down to look at him, but Shawn quickly turned your head back to him so he could capture your lips in a passionate kiss. You were overwhelmed in the best way, torn between concentrating on Shawn's lips and his fingers that tickled on your chest or Cez's mouth working wonders on you, even though he didn't have full access to your core yet.

Reaching below yourself, you unclasped your bra and grinned as Shawn immediately helped you take it off before his mouth moved to your chest, lips wrapping around your nipple before he sucked on it. Cez guided your legs over his shoulders and simply pushed your panties aside before he dove back in, the feeling of his tongue on your clit and beard tickling on your skin with Shawn's lips and tongue teasing your sensitive nipples leaving you a moaning and whimpering mess beneath them.

Tangling a hand into Shawn's curls to tug on them, you reached your other hand down to find one of Cez's, smiling as he immediately intertwined his fingers with yours and let you dig your nails into the back of his hand. "Fuck, you sound so beautiful," Shawn murmured and moved up to kiss you again before he looked down, your gaze following his to where Cez's face was buried between your legs, the sight alone already making your knees weak. "How does she taste?" Shawn murmured as Cez opened his eyes to find the two of you watching him.

You gasped and jerked in surprise as he playfully nibbled on your clit before he pulled back, his mouth glistening. "Have a taste," he grinned. Shawn didn't hesitate to lean down, his necklace bumping against your lower stomach and his fingers holding your panties aside as he licked through your folds, his low groan vibrating against your core and making you gasp his name.

Cez gently placed your feet on the floor so he could get up, his gaze on Shawn's head moving between your thighs while he undressed, his sweater dropping to the floor first before his jeans followed. "Fuck, I gotta be the luckiest girl ever," you sighed, Shawn's head lifting as he chuckled before he placed a kiss on your hip and got up.

"You're wrong. We're the lucky ones here," Cez replied while he dropped the last piece of clothing on the floor while Shawn fumbled to take his jeans off. You sat up as Cez approached you, a smirk playing on his lips. You were dying to get your mouth on him, but he sat down beside you at the foot of the bed before you could reach out to pull him closer. "Because we get to spend the night with such an incredibly beautiful girl," he continued and guided you to straddle his lap, his hands exploring your legs on either side of him as soon as you settled on his thighs.

Wrapping your arms around his neck, you leaned in to kiss him and released a soft hum into his mouth as you tasted yourself on his tongue. Locking an arm around your hips, he tugged you closer and lightly bit your bottom lip as he had your clothed core pressed up against his throbbing cock, your hips immediately bucking to create a bit of friction.

Calloused fingertips traced over your back as Shawn stepped up behind you, goosebumps spreading over your arms as he slowly brushed your hair over your shoulders so it fell down your back in slightly messy curls. Lips disconnecting from Cez's, you smiled as Shawn immediately curled a hand around your chin and tilted your head back so he could capture your lips in an upside down kiss.

Letting himself fall back so he laid flat on his back with his feet still touching the floor, Cez adjusted you on top of him and growled as his length pushed between your folds so the tip rubbed against your clit with your panties still in between. Your gasp interrupted the kiss just shortly before Shawn connected his lips to yours again, your hands bracing on Cez's thighs behind you as you started to rock your hips, his shaft sliding back and forth against the fabric and giving both of you the perfect kind of friction.

Giving Shawn a smirk as he pulled back, you turned to Cez who had his eyebrows furrowed in pleasure with the way you were rolling your hips against him. Bending over him, you braced a hand beside his head and found his lips in a chaste kiss while you reached for the pack of condoms. Shawn licked his lips, his gaze eagerly trailing over your bare backside, hands caressing and squeezing your bum before his eyes focused on your hand that reached back to him, shiny square between two of your fingers.

Grinning widely, he took it and quickly ripped it open while you tangled your hands into Cez's hair, his lips chasing yours while his hands had settled on your hips, guiding your movements. Though, your motions stopped completely and your head dropped to rest on his chest as Shawn pressed into you after simply pushing your panties aside, your walls stretching open around him and a whimper falling from your lips as he bottomed out in a smooth thrust.

"Fuck," Shawn's moan filled the room, his blunt nails digging into your ass as he waited for you to adjust, only moving when you wriggled your hips against him.

You were limp and breathless, the position allowing him to thrust so deep that you were sure you'd be seeing stars soon while Cez's hands combed through your hair in a calming way. Blue eyes met yours as you lifted your head, his lips curving into a soft smile while his hands cupped your cheeks. The feeling of Shawn's length moving deep inside of you while Cez kissed you again had your mind spinning in the best way, your hips picking up their former movements.

You couldn't remember ever having felt so overwhelmed before- you were torn between concentrating on Shawn inside of you and Cez grinding against you, both of them delivering the best kind of pleasure you had ever received. Breaking away from Cez's lips, you braced a hand on his chest and reached the other one back, finding the back of Shawn's neck and pulling him closer. His chest flattened against your back without stopping the motions of his hips, his lips touching the crook of your neck in sloppy kisses.

It was only a rather brief moment when you and Shawn both looked down on Cez with dark eyes, but he had to swallow heavily. Having both of you looking at him like that definitely shouldn't turn him on as much as it did, he decided and placed his hands around your waist as he started to meet the movements of your hips while you turned your head to kiss Shawn again.

Shawn got quite vocal as he neared his high- his moans increased, beautiful quiet sounds falling from his lips while his head pushed against the side of your neck. His arms wrapped around your waist to keep you pressed up against him, still allowing you to grind against Cez while his thrusts quickened. Your name left his lips in a choked sound as he came, blunt nails scratching at your sides while he grunted against your neck, riding his high out with a few sloppy thrusts.

He knew you were close, so he clenched his jaw and tried to ignore how sensitive he was as he kept thrusting into you with slow movements of his hips while he mouthed at your neck.

Resting your cheek against Cez's chest, you clawed at his sides and trembled on top of him before you came with a cry. Your high quite literally knocked the breath out of you, your legs quivering as you gasped and whimpered, the feeling of Cez slowly rocking his hips back and forth to create a gentle friction while Shawn gave you a few lazy thrusts had your mind reeling. Your walls clenching around his sensitive cock made Shawn groan, his grip on you tightening as he slowly pulled out of you.

Leaving a few soft kisses over your back, Shawn eventually stepped back, his presence behind you disappearing completely.

You only released a soft hum as Cez turned the two of you over so you laid on your back beneath him, relaxing into the mattress while he shifted around, the crinkling sound of the condom wrapper reaching you before it was ripped open.

You slowly forced your eyes open as he leaned over you, hands bracing on either side of your head and a smile spreading over his lips. Your hands were still trembling a bit as you reached up to cup his face, pulling him down into a kiss that he kept slow and chaste while you caught your breath. Your heartbeat slowly went back to normal- or at least as normal as it could get with such an attractive and naked man on top of you. "Please," you mumbled between kisses.

He pulled back, his eyes caring as he gently brushed your hair back. "You sure, darling? I don't mind if you need a break," he whispered.

"Go easy on me?"

"Of course," he smiled and stole another quick kiss from you before he sat up. You caught sight of Shawn across the room, still fully naked and spread out over the couch, his head tilted back and eyes closed while his chest was still moving a bit faster than normal. You had to grin, relieved that you weren't the only one completely out of breath before your attention went back to Cez who guided your legs around his hips, your thighs resting over his. Your crotch was almost touching his, but yet he left a few inches between that had you squirming in an attempt to get closer, only giving up when he grasped onto your waist and held you in place. "Patience, baby," he chuckled softly and slowly caressed his fingertips over your bare torso, goosebumps breaking out on your skin.

You reached down to grasp his knees on either side of your hips, your teeth digging into your bottom lip as you realized that you were in for lots of teasing- and yet you couldn't help but feel excited.

He took his sweet time- his fingers exploring your soft skin, tracing along the curve of your boobs, but never actually touching you in the places you so desperately wanted him to. He noticed how you nibbled on your bottom lip and how your eyebrows furrowed in pleasure as he neared your nipples only to have frustration filling your features as his touch drifted down again. But deep down you loved it. And he knew it.

Your eyes fell shut as his fingers slowly and gently caressed your stomach, every now and then brushing along the waistband of your panties before he moved back again. He chuckled again as you lightly bucked your hips up whenever he neared your panties, though he never acted on it. And it wasn't until you stopped that he finally moved a hand lower, your eyes opening to look at him as your breath hitched in your throat at the feeling of his fingers lightly brushing over your sensitive clit through the fabric. You moaned his name in need and lightly dug your nails into his knees, spreading your legs a bit more as he put just a little bit more pressure behind his actions.

"Shh, we'll get there, darling. I promise," he whispered and moved his free hand up to give your nipples minimal attention. You pressed your lips together and muffled a moan, glaring at him as he smirked. A whine left your lips as he immediately stopped, his hands leaving your body and your back immediately arching like you searched for his touch, your eyes frustrated. "Attitude won’t get you anywhere, baby," he said, his voice not so soft anymore.

"I'm sorry."

"Are you going to be good?"

You nodded and whispered a soft 'Yes', a little sound escaping your lips as his hands returned to your body after a teasing pause. It was torturous, the way he barely touched you, his fingers so light on your skin. Your eyebrows furrowed, teeth harshly digging into your bottom lip as you forced yourself to stay silent instead of complaining.

So when he suddenly pushed his index finger down on your clit with just the perfect amount of pressure and friction with the fabric in between you couldn't hold back the cry that left your lips, your hands tightly holding on to his thighs as your body squirmed against his hand. Moving his finger just a bit, he watched with satisfaction as your body reacted to the stimulation, your spine arching off the bed and chest heaving. "Please," you begged once more.

"Please what?" he grinned and slowly took his hand away, your body slumping into the mattress as you swallowed back a whine.

"Let me come. Fuck me. Anything," you begged, and if you weren't so far gone and so frustrated you'd probably laugh at yourself for actually begging him.

"Which one, darling?" he asked and grasped the waistband of your soaked panties, slowly peeling the fabric off your legs as you looked up to him with pleading eyes.

"The first."

Your eyes fell shut again as his fingers slowly circled around your clit, this time without any kind of fabric in between, teasing you for a moment before he put a little more pressure on and received a moan from you. You were so pretty, laid out and so willing, the sight of your hardened nipples having his mouth watering with desire to just lean down and devour your chest, but he didn't. Not yet.

It didn't take long for you to start squirming beneath him, your hips slowly moving to meet his actions as you neared your high, and you were so surprised that he let you that you didn't put too much thought into it. Which, you deeply regretted as you were right on the brink, just needing one more perfectly placed rub of his fingers when he withdrew his hand, chuckling at the whimper he received.

"Cez…"

"I'll let you come, I promise," he smiled, leaning down to capture your lips in a tender kiss. He pushed your legs apart a bit more, his body shifting as he didn't interrupt the kiss for a few more seconds before he slowly leaned back. A gasp left your lips at the feeling of the swollen crown of his cock pushing against your folds, stretching you open as he moved his hips forwards, his eyes staying locked on yours. Your eyes fluttered, but you forced them to stay open as he had his entire length buried inside you, stretching your walls and leaving you feeling satisfyingly full. His finger returned to your clit, your hands moving to grasp his shoulders as he gave the bundle of nerves a few skilled flicks before he had you coming undone beneath him, your walls clenching around his cock like you tried to pull him in deeper as your nails scratched at his skin, moans of his name spilling from your lips. He worked you through it, not stopping his motions on your clit while he slowly moved his hips back and forth to give you a little more friction, his eyes not leaving your face as he took in your blissed out expression.

And he knew when to pull his hand away, knowing that you'd get too sensitive if he continued like that now, instead moving so his body settled on top of yours while you slowly recovered, your eyes slowly focusing on him again. He gave you a soft smile that you returned a little weakly, your bones feeling heavy and spent as he leaned down to kiss you again. You cupped his face in trembling hands as he slowly moved his hips, pulling out just about halfway before he gently thrust back into you, knowing that you'd go into sensory overload if he'd start pounding into you now.

Pulling back, he braced his lower arms on either side of you as he looked at you with caring eyes, the head of his cock still slowly dragging back and forth along your walls. "You doing okay?" he whispered, turning his head to place a kiss on your palm as you let your thumb brush along his cheekbone. You nodded and gave him a small smile, his head dipping to your neck where he placed chaste kisses while keeping up the gentle pace of his hips moving against yours.

He kept his earlier promise- his thrusts were slow and gentle, patiently waiting until you gave him the sign to go faster while he placed soft kisses over your neck. "God, you feel so good," he groaned against your neck, reaching down to guide one of your thighs over his hip before he picked up the pace, his fingers curling into the sheets on either side of you.

Your hands clawed and lightly scratched his back, your moans and whimpers filling the quiet room. You were still so sensitive from your previous orgasms and you knew that he wouldn't be happy unless he got another one out of you.

A movement in the corner of your eye caught your attention, your gaze shifting over Cez's shoulder to catch Shawn's dark eyes staring right at you. His hand was wrapped around his already fully hard length again, giving himself some lazy pumps while a smirk played on his lips. The sight made you release a quiet moan that dragged into a whimper as Cez hit the perfect spot, your walls clenching around him and receiving a grunt from him.

You didn't know how, but Cez just managed to hit all the right spots in all the right ways. It was like he knew exactly how to roll his hips to have you panting beneath him. But it wasn't until he pushed an arm under your hips that you fully realized how he knew exactly what he was doing. Your back arched and you cried out as he hit your g-spot with every thrust, complete pleasure washing over you as you started to tremble. "Fuck," you moaned, his teeth gently digging into your shoulder.

Lifting his head, he nibbled on your earlobe while your body squirmed beneath him. "Can you come like this for me?" he murmured, his voice deeper and raspy, the sound making you release a quiet moan.

Your gaze went over to Shawn again who gave you the most seductive smirk you had ever seen. 'Come' he mouthed, biting his bottom lip as his thumb teased his sensitive tip. 'Come for us'

You didn't know what ended up pushing you over the edge- the sight of Shawn while he encouraged you to let go or Cez moving inside of you in all the right ways. Your nails dug into Cez's shoulders and your eyes squeezed shut as you trembled beneath him, your walls squeezing around his length while you whimpered over and over.

He knew exactly when to slow down again, leaving small pecks over your neck as your head lolled back. And even with the change of pace it didn't take him much longer to reach his high, his head pushing into the crook of your neck where he panted and groaned against your skin. His length heavily twitched against your walls while he jerkily thrust into you a few more times before he stilled.

Taking a deep breath, he slowly pulled out of you and placed several calming kisses over your jaw as you released a quiet whimper. Your eyelids were heavy as you looked up to him, his blue eyes satisfied and exhausted as he gave you a fond smile. "You did so well, darling," he murmured, a smile tugging at the corner of your lips.

He helped you come down by combing his hands through your hair over and over while he left soft kisses all over your face, patiently waiting until your chest wasn't heaving anymore and you completely relaxed beneath him. "Thank you," you mumbled and gave him a lazy smile that made him grin.

Placing a soft kiss on your lips, he trailed a few more over your cheek until he reached your ear. "Why don't you make our Rockstar feel good again? Hmm, baby?" Cez murmured, your breath hitching in your throat. "Can you do that for me?" he added, reaching over to get another condom that he placed in your palm.

You inhaled deeply before you found yourself nodding, his body rolling off of yours and allowing you to get up.

"Wish you had less of your so called experience and more of my stamina now, huh?" Shawn teased, only receiving an amused chuckle from Cez. Your knees were shaky as you approached him where he was lounging on the couch, a smirk on his lips as he let go of his cock and instead sat up. He relaxed back against the couch while his eyes eagerly trailed over your naked body. "Hi, beautiful," he rasped, his hands reaching for you to grasp your hips as you threw a leg over him and straddled his thighs. Leaning in to capture his lips in a quick kiss, you gave him a grin before you sat back again and ripped the foil open. He sucked in a breath as he watched how you rolled the condom over his length before you shifted on top of him, his hands guiding you before he reached down to grip the base of his throbbing cock.

His eyes moved up to watch your reaction as you lowered yourself down on him, a moan falling from your lips and your head tilting back as he stretched you out once again, your sensitive walls gripping him. "Fuck, Shawn," you whimpered, your nails digging into his abs.

His hands gently curled around yours, fingers weaving through yours and feeling you cling to them. "Shhh, take your time, honey," he whispered, peppering soft kisses over your knuckles while you slowly rolled your hips against his. "No need to rush. I'm not going anywhere," he murmured, smiling up to you as you stopped your movements and took a deep breath. "C'mere," he breathed and tugged you closer, letting go of your hands to instead cup your face as he pulled you into a tender kiss. You relaxed on top of him, your chest flush against his with his length buried deep inside of you, occasionally lightly twitching against your walls.

Mid-kiss you slowly started to move your hips again, pushing yourself up just a bit before you lowered yourself down again, his moan muffled against your mouth. His hands moved down to cup your butt as he helped you move, but he didn't rush you. He didn't try to get you to move faster, instead let you go at your own pace, leaving soft kisses over your shoulders and neck once your lips disconnected from his.

He was so patient with you and you couldn't express how thankful you were for that. Your entire body was exhausted but yet you wanted to make him feel good once more.

"Do you think you can give me another one, baby?" he whispered as he realized that his high was slowly approaching, a comforting hand rubbing over your back as you inhaled sharply. "It's okay if you can't," he quickly added, knowing that your limits had been pushed immensely tonight.

"I'll try," you mumbled.

He grinned almost proudly. "That's my girl." The nickname made your heart skip a beat, but before you could dwell too much on it he dipped a hand between your legs. Your entire body jerked and you gasped his name as he circled two fingers over your clit. "Stop me if it gets too much."

You took a deep breath and nodded, your hands on his shoulders as you continued to steadily roll your hips against his.

It didn't take much for either of you to get close again- he was already so worked up from watching Cez getting you off. So he put more efforts into the patterns he rubbed over your clit, determined to get you to come before him this time. Your thighs immediately tensed up on either side of him while your body started to tremble, your grip on his shoulders tightening.

"I can't," you choked out and shook your head, your eyes heavy and full of desire.

"Come on, honey. I know you're right there," he encouraged you, your teeth tightly digging into your bottom lip and your eyes falling shut. It was more of a sob than a moan as you came around him, your whole body going limp as your walls wildly fluttered around him. You clung to him, arms wrapping around his neck and your quick pants right next to his ear.

Quickly twisting, he laid you down so he was on top of you, his weight crushing you in the best way as you wrapped your arms and legs around him while he delivered a few more forceful thrusts before he stilled completely. His arms clutched at your waist and his face was hidden in the crook of your neck as he whimpered against your skin, his length twitching deep inside of you. Your nails dug into his shoulders as you trembled beneath him, his hips jerking against yours a few more times while he rode out the last waves of his orgasm before he slumped on top of you.

Biting his bottom lip, he slowly pulled out of you and noticed how you tightened your legs around him like you wanted to keep him close. Smiling softly, he lifted his head and met your exhausted eyes. "You okay, honey?" he whispered, peppering a few chaste kisses over your forehead and temples. You swallowed heavily and nodded, your eyes falling shut as he found your lips in a couple of tender kisses before he pushed himself up. "Be right back," he murmured, placing one last kiss on your forehead before he got up.

You felt completely drained and exhausted as you turned to lay on your side and closed your eyes, your legs pulling up to your chest that was heaving as you struggled to breathe. You tuned them out completely, barely aware of their low murmurs until a gentle hand placed on your back, a whimper falling from your lips. "Shhh."

"Give her a minute to breathe," Cez's voice reached you, "it's been a lot for her."

"I just wanted to make sure she's fine," Shawn responded, his voice worried.

You swallowed heavily and took a deep breath. "I'm fine."

"See? How would you feel if you just got fucked by two guys?"

"Probably very sore," Shawn giggled, Cez's chuckle following.

"You're an idiot."

It took you a few more minutes until you finally cracked your eyes open, finding the hotel room exactly how it was before. Clothes were still strewn all over the floor, the sheets on the bed were wrinkled and disheveled. The two of them were only in boxer briefs as they quietly talked, Shawn being the first one to catch your gaze. Giving you a soft smile, he approached you and quickly grabbed something hanging over one of the armchairs while you sat up. "Here, come on," Shawn murmured, careful as he helped you into the T-shirt he had gotten from his suitcase earlier, his smell completely surrounding you and putting you at ease. You grinned widely as he pulled your hair out from under the collar and smoothed down the tangled strands.

"I can dress myself, you know?" you giggled, looking up to him with carefree and tired eyes.

A wide grin spread over his lips, his finger playfully nudging the tip of your nose and receiving a laugh from you. "And I like to spoil you, so deal with it."

Cez approached, crouching down in front of you and giving you a fond smile. "You need anything, darling? I can run to your room and get you some stuff if you want me to."

You shook your head. "I think I'll be fine, thanks. I just need to regain any kind of feeling in my legs again," you grinned and wiggled your toes a bit.

The smirk that spread over Shawn’s lips immediately let you know that he was up to no good. You squealed in surprise as he grabbed you and easily threw you over his shoulder, finding yourself facing his back. "Cez, help!" you laughed followed by a surprised gasp as Shawn playfully smacked your bum. "Shawn!"

He only chuckled, his grip on your thighs secure as he crossed the hotel room and stepped into the bathroom where the light was still on. He was so careful as he set you down, only letting go of you once he was sure that you were steady on your feet. What he didn't expect was that you would wrap your arms around his waist and cling to him, worry settling in his chest as he gently brushed his hands through your hair before he placed a kiss on your head. "You sure you're doing okay, honey?" he whispered, keeping a hand on the back of your head while the other rubbed over your shoulders and down your back.

You didn't respond for a long moment before you inhaled deeply, your eyelashes brushing his chest every time you blinked. He placed another kiss on your head as you nodded. "Just overwhelmed. Like, in a good way, but still overwhelmed."

"Cez and I will help you calm down with cuddles after you're finished in here, okay?" he murmured and gave you a soft smile as you tilted your head up to look at him. "You're going to be okay until then?" he asked, worry lacing his voice.

"Absolutely."

–—–—–—–—–—–

They were both in bed when you stepped out of the bathroom, Cez still sitting up and leaning against the headboard with his phone in his hands while Shawn was laying down, a hand behind his head while the two of them laughed at something. Both of their gazes found you, pretty similar gentle smiles spreading over their lips. Leaning a shoulder against the doorway, you crossed your arms in front of your chest and raised an eyebrow at them. "What are you two giggling about?"

They both grinned widely, Shawn's gaze shamelessly trailing down your bare legs. "We were just saying how we should write your friend a thank-you card," Cez explained while placing his phone on the beside table before he turned back to you.

"God, please don't," you responded with a chuckle, "she'll never shut up about it if she ever hears about this."

"Even more reason to write a card," Shawn teased, giving you a wink as you glared at him. "Gonna come join us?" His voice had dropped to a murmur.

Cez patted the spot in the middle, right between them. "Got a spot saved for you. And I believe Shawn promised you cuddles."

The temptation to just walk over to them and join them was so high, but you forced yourself to stay right where you were. You lightly bit your bottom lip as you hesitated, immediately seeing the way both of them got worried. Shawn sat up, the covers bunching around his hips as he looked at you with attentive eyes. "Are you guys sure that spending the night like this is a good idea?" you asked and uncrossed your arms to instead toy with the hem of the T-shirt.

"What's the problem with it?" Shawn asked.

You shrugged and nibbled around on your bottom lip. "What if someone finds us like this in the morning?"

"The door is locked," Cez reminded you. "And we'll just make sure that no one sees us getting out of here when we sneak out in the morning” He added with a wink and a grin, actually managing to ease your worries. Your tense shoulders visibly relaxed as you nodded and took a deep breath. "So?" he asked and lifted the middle of the blanket as a silent invitation.

Smiling, you crossed the room and crawled on the bed, soon finding yourself between the two of them.

–—–—–—–—–—–

You woke up wrapped up in Cez's arms, his chest pressed up against your back and quiet snores muffled into your hair. Opening your eyes, you faced the semi dark room. And Shawn's eyes. He gave you a soft smile and took your hand into his as you reached out to him, fingers lacing through yours. "Go back to sleep," he whispered so quietly that you barely heard him.

"Why are you awake?" you mumbled sleepily.

"Why are you?"

A grin spread over your lips. "Good point," you giggled, Cez's arms tightening around you as he released a soft sigh, but didn't wake up. "You okay with everything that happened earlier?" you whispered, his eyebrows furrowing in confusion. "I mean, we've only talked about me being okay all the time. That was quite a new thing for you too."

His features softened as he raised your tangled hands and placed a soft kiss on your knuckles. "To be really honest with you, I was also a bit scared that things would get weird. But we just can't let it get weird," he shrugged and grinned, "it's really that simple."

His eyelids fluttered and a smile tugged at the corner of his lips as you reached your free hand over to him, gently cupping the side of his face. "The world would be a so much easier place if everyone was a bit more like you," you told him in a voice that was barely above a whisper, his eyes opening fully again as he looked at you with pure admiration written in his eyes. He gently squeezed your hand in return, his thumb slowly brushing back and forth. "Kiss me?"

He grinned as he shifted closer to you where you were still wrapped up in Cez's embrace, Shawn's soft lips finding yours in the dark. It was easy and gentle. No rush behind it. No intentions behind it.

–—–—–—–—–—–

A pair of arms wrapping around you woke you up for the second time that morning. He tugged you a bit closer to his comfortably warm body, letting you eagerly snuggle into his chest as he held you close. "I hate to say this, but you need to get up," Shawn murmured, his voice still full of sleep and his arms that tightened around you bringing an entirely different message across.

"Five more minutes?" you mumbled, so close to drifting off to sleep again with his body wrapped around you like this.

You heard the bathroom door open before a quiet sigh followed. "Fuck, it's so hard not to just get back into bed when I see you two like this," Cez said.

You smiled into Shawn's chest. "You're the meanie who decided that it's time to get up," Shawn grumbled and tangled his legs with yours.

"I mean, you guys can stay like this if you don't mind getting caught? Probably by Andrew?" Cez replied, sighing as the two of you stayed silent. Both of you whined as the covers were roughly yanked off your bodies just a moment later, your eyes opening to glare at Cez. "Don't think that will work on me," he grinned, reaching out to tickle your foot.

You immediately squirmed away with a giggle. "Okay, stop. I'll get up," you gave in, reluctantly detaching yourself from Shawn and stumbling into the bathroom. It didn't take long for you to get dressed, finding yourself ready to go just minutes later.

"You stay here. I'll make sure the coast is clear," Cez told you, a giggle falling from your lips as you watched how he snuck out of the room.

Turning to Shawn, you grinned as he sat on the edge of the bed, still only in a pair of boxers and hair beyond ruffled. "Thanks for last night," you mumbled and slowly stepped closer to him.

"Nuh-uh," he shook his head and yawned, his arms reaching out to you and tugging you in between his spread legs, his forehead bumping against your stomach. "Thank you. For trusting both me and Cez like that," he mumbled and sighed in content as you tangled your hands into his hair to gently scratch his scalp.

"'knew you'd be good to me," you responded, his grin hidden against your stomach before he tilted his head up to look at you with slightly dazed and sleepy eyes. Your phone vibrated in your pocket, making you pull away from him. "That's my sign. See you at the meeting later?"

"Of course," he grinned, his eyes following you until you closed the door and disappeared out of sight.

Cez was waiting in an empty elevator for you, a foot shoved between the doors to keep them from closing and a big grin spreading over his lips. "Not going to lie, I expected that I would have to go back to drag you out of bed again," he chuckled as you stepped into the elevator, the doors closing before it started moving down.

"Would you have punished me?" you teased and playfully bumped your shoulder against his as he released a breathy laugh.

Wrapping an arm around your shoulders, he planted a soft kiss on your temple before he placed his lips against your ear. "Don't start something you won't get to finish." Right in that moment the elevator came to a stop and the doors opened with a ding, your heart beating a bit faster in your chest as you detached yourself from him so you could step out of the elevator, turning back to look at him. "See you later, darling."

"Later," you breathed, a grin playing on his lips as the doors closed again.

S.Mendes+Team Taglist: @justanotherfangurl272 @alone-in-madness @waitonmedarling​ 

[comic-panels]

September 2019 Movie Round Up

Trying a new thing where I just shout out some of the neat (and less neat) new movies I’ve seen recently that I haven’t written about yet.

Good Boys

It’s live action South Park without the smug sense of self satisfaction that can make South Park insufferable. But it also doesn’t do anything to distinguish itself. It’s a comedy that succeeds at being funny. Good enough boys.

Crawl

Just solid. A family drama about a young woman and her estranged dad where also a bunch of people get eaten by alligators. Also there’s a hurricane. Uses it’s space well as the water levels rise and our heroes climb up their house. The kind of polished B-movie everyone bemoans us not getting anymore. Quite fun.

Tigers are Not Afraid

Gritty fairy tale magical realism applied to kids orphaned by the drug war. Doesn’t execute on that premise well enough for me to embrace it but it’s a interesting enough watch. I think it needed to either go farther with its fantasy or make it more ambiguous about if the magic was even real.

The Nightingale

A very well made movie that I do not love. This is a movie that is actively unpleasant (there are a string of rape scenes early on) but that’s not necessarily a deal breaker for me. What’s a bigger issue is that movie falls into a bunch of bad tropes. Despite its great performances and moments it’s still a story where two characters overcome their racism by traveling together. For all it’s ambition, this is still just another movie with a magical black man. It could have been much worse and it’s certainly better than The Revenant. I’ve got other nitpicks, such as what characters get to do what. But I don’t know that you could tell this kind of story that much better, it’s just not the kind of story I want.

Also I prefer revenge stories where catharsis is possible. I just like fun fantasy hyper violence, more than grim and empty realistic violence. There’s way more onus on movies that do the latter to justify themselves.

I will say that it executes on nightmare ghosts much better than Tigers are Not Afraid.

Dora and the Lost City of Gold

Totally delightful. It’s the kids version of The Last Crusade but I’m fine with that. Honestly this movie plays the fairy tale realism with kids card better because while it presents Dora’s past adventures as a childhood fantasy, there is also a cartoon fox in a mask who is a basically a Looney Toon.

I have no particular affection for Dora the Explorer as I’m too old for it. I actually did have enough interest in the form and curiosity to check it out, but the long silences where kids are supposed to yell at the screen made it unwatchable for me in a way that Blue’s Clues was not. But I was immediately down for a movie Dora has to become a normal high school student. That kind of premise just inherently appeals to me.

Also Dora sings a song about digging a poo hole. 10/10

Once Upon a Time in Hollywood

Quentin Tarantino is officially an old man filmmaker.

That doesn’t make Once Upon a Time in Hollywood bad per say, but it does mean that I’m inherently less a fan of it than his previous work.

Ok, but also what do I mean by that?

Mostly I mean that this movie lacks the fiery purposeful rage of his previous movies, which is really what made the historical revisionism of his last 3 movies really work for me. There’s still an element of the historical revenge fantasy present here; he is still reimagining the Manson murders. But instead of rage at a broken world, we have sentimentality and nostalgia. This is Tarantino just doing a bunch of shit he’s wanted to do for a while and also a movie happens. Eventually.

Like Django Unchained or Death Proof, this movie is kind of structured where there is one entire movie and then another movie follow up after that. Only there’s basically no story to the first movie this time. There’s setup and world building, but also just a lot of time spent on little indulgences.

The prime example is that there is a part of this movie where Tarantino inserts Leonardo DiCaprio into The Great Escape as the Steve McQueen’s character. This is not even a thing that actually happens to the character in the movie. It’s just a pure visual indulgence.

And really just nothing happens. Well, until the timeskip; but again that kinda feels like another movie.

For an old man movie where nothing happens I was at least engaged the whole time. The talent involved carries the film despite the nothing plot.

It’s bottom tier Tarantino, but at least he doesn’t act in this one.

Ready or Not

At face value This seems like another White Get Out. A plot contrivance to make a white person oppressed and trapped. But Ready or Not overcomes that by just being so much goddamn fun.

The better comparison is to call this Satanic Cult Die Hard. One Woman trapped in a house with a family that’s made a deal with the devil trying to kill her. The extra wrinkle is that they’re not actually experienced at this and are pretty bad at it.

By the time Samara Weaving was crawling out of a corpse pit I was fully in.

Satanic Panic

Another Satanic cult movie, although this one is more traditional in that it really is just low budget exploitation schlock. I liked it a lot. It’s not as good as Ready or Not but I still found it super charming and fun.

Has a killer bedsheet. 10/10

Luce

Ok, I fucking hate this movie.

The thing that made Luce an insufferable movie to watch for me was the way it felt the need to hammer its themes directly, over and over. It’s the perfect kind of movie for people who leave to go to the bathroom or take a few naps during a movie.

As someone who pays attention I found that incredibly tedious.

Add on top of that unlivable and unsympathetic characters, the nuanced understanding of race in America that one would expect from a standard Oscar Contender and basically no understanding about how the legal system works. There are some good performances if you’re into good acting in a bad movie.

I had a bad time. But at least now I know how bad this movie is. That’s something I guess.

Don’t Let Go

So this movie is kind of the Blumhouse Tilt version of Your Name. There are big differences: there’s no body swap, it’s about an Uncle and his niece and it’s standard drama instead of anime. But it is a story about two characters talking across time where the stakes are the character in the past is dead in the present.

It’s not amazing, the characters are kinda dull, but once the gimmick kicks in it’s fun enough. It’s really just that high concept premise that elevates this movie though, other than that this is just an episode of a Cop show that doesn’t exist.

It Chapter Two

The epic conclusion of a series even though this is just a sequel. Born out of the success of the previous film we get a three hour sequel that is both a sequel to that other movie but also is kind of just the full blooded adaptation of the book, with the cutting back and forth from the adults to the kids.

Chapter 1 was a more streamlined movie, pulling out a singular arc from the kids’ experiences with It. Chapter Two is more episodic, winding and bloated. It feels more like a book in that way. Every character has to face their trauma separately and obtain an item from their past. And all of them do, meaning that we get 5 scenes in a row that are pretty much the same. It’s the kind of thing that’s crazy for a movie to do but works fine in a novel, but I do also think it works in an epic finale to a series.

This is the Avengers: Endgame of It movies.

It’s the kind of movie that will make you ask “Can a Horror movie have too high a budget?” as Bill Hader runs away from a giant Paul Bunyan statue (Something that was Stephen King’s idea apparently).

For a three hour horror movie that’s not scary I really needed one thing from this: good character banter. And It Chapter Two delivered. I had a good time.

Thank you for your time.

[buttsonthebeach]

In the Moment

I had the great privilege of writing Darva Lavellan and Dorian for @goblin-deity again! Thank you so much, friend, for trusting me with them, and for being so patient through my insane October as I worked on this <3

“Life Itself,” the previous commission I did about Darva and Dorian, is here

My Ko-Fi || My Commissions (Slots re-opening on December 2nd)

Pairing: Darva Lavellan x Dorian

Rating: Explicit! There be smut ahead!

************************

The weeks on the road in the Emerald Graves had been grueling, and the road ahead of Darva Lavellan wasn’t any easier. They were back in Skyhold for now, but it wouldn’t be too long before they turned back and went out to the Arbor Wilds - this time with an army at their backs.

And that was setting aside the question of the wasting illness that was eating Darva up, inside out. Racing the Anchor to see which got to claim him first, it seemed. Most days were well enough, but there was an edge of exhaustion looming over him that he feared he would never shake, once it descended. Like a blanket that would only grow heavier with time. Like the one that would have swallowed his father whole, if the Orlesians had not gotten there first.

And yet - Darva was not miserable. He had Dorian to thank for that. Dorian and the warmth of his amber-brown eyes, the gentle curve of his lips when he smiled for Darva and Darva alone. His hand on the small of Darva’s back in some quiet moments, the gentle brush of his lips in others. His understanding when it came to Darva’s illness.

And most of all - the way he just loved Darva, wholly. Utterly. The total affection and desire that underwrote every sly remark, every attempt at being blithe and light-hearted. It didn’t matter what was happening around or even within Darva - Dorian was constant in the face of it all.

One thing that wasn’t constant, sadly, was the amount of time they managed to carve out for physical intimacy. The Emerald Graves had been too full of rifts, Red Templars, old haunted mansions, and the memories of dead elves for much more than a nightly kiss and embrace - even if that kiss did often make Darva’s toes curl.

They were back in Skyhold now, and the promise that had been building on each and every one of those nights - with each and every idle touch that had passed between them in the midst of all that horror - was growing full.

Dorian was already waiting for Darva when he went up to his chambers for the evening. He was leaning against the desk in a peacock blue silk shirt that was open to the navel, black form-fitting pants, his hands glittering with gold rings. He looked both rakish and well-coiffed and the mere sight of him already made Darva’s skin prickle with anticipation.

“Inquisitor, I will have you know that I have been kept waiting up here for some time,” Dorian said, using his best tone of mock offense.

“My apologies, Messere Pavus. I’ll have you know I always keep my most handsome appointments waiting the longest,” Darva said, climbing the last few stairs that led to his bedroom. His whole body felt lighter the higher he went - warmer, too, at the thought of what was coming, of he and Dorian together, setting aside all the other things that plagued them. War, illness, death.

“Flattery will get you nowhere, Inquisitor,” Dorian said, crossing his arms, lifting his chin. He was going to be quite the magister someday, when he went back to Tevinter. When this was all over. 

Darva felt heavier at that thought. Sadder. He pushed it aside. If there was one thing to be said for their time on the road, always in battle, it was that it kept him focused in the present. He would not shed that now, here, in the warmth of his room, in the warmth of his lover’s gaze.

“I disagree. I think flattery will get me everywhere with you in particular, Messere Pavus.”

Darva was close enough now to see the glimmer in Dorian’s eyes, the little tug at the corner of his mouth, almost hidden by his mustache, that said he was trying to hide a smile.

“For example, I think that if I tell you that that shade of blue compliments your skin most nicely, I think it might get you to loosen the collar a little further.”

“Preposterous,” Dorian said, although his hand did drift, almost absently, to the neck of his shirt, tugging it just enough so that it bared more of his collarbone.

“And if I tell you that your trousers are most - becoming - I think it might make you blush.”

Dorian made a scoffing sound, but he tilted his head down, and looked up at Darva through his thick, dark lashes, and Darva felt his heart speed up, that first quickening between his legs at the thought of all the other times Dorian had looked up at him like that. This had not been a natural skill for Darva when he was younger, this flattery, this playful ease. It was something he’d learned in those years after he left the clan, traveling from bar to bar, cheating at cards. He’d never used it for something as precious as this before Dorian. Now these honeyed words were something that had grown between them slowly over time, a flowering plant they’d sheltered from the storms that surrounded them. In moments like these, Darva was glad he’d cultivated it. Glad of the give and take he and Dorian had, the things they could leave unsaid, except through glance and touch.

“Of course, if I asked to admire your rings, that would get you to give me your hand,” Darva went on, holding out his hand.

Dorian scoffed again, and rolled his eyes skyward, and then held out his hand, and Darva took it, and each time he touched Dorian it still felt like the first - still sent that shock of excitement and heat through him that had nothing to do with sex and everything to do with love. With how seen and loved Dorian always made him feel. Darva bent and he was kissing each knuckle of Dorian’s hand like a courtier greeting a king but inside he was glowing with the knowledge that here, now, at last, they had arrived in a moment that was all theirs.

Dorian’s hand slipped from his grasp, and then both of Dorian’s hands were on his face, and he was kissing Darva, and making sweet, grateful sounds against Darva’s lips.

“I have missed this,” Dorian breathed out, barely a whisper, when they parted. This was how all their sweet nothings happened - something quiet, private, hardly spoken aloud. They’d both lived through too much loss to have it otherwise.

“Me too,” Darva said quietly, and he kissed Dorian again, molding his body to his lover’s, reveling in the warm sheltering curve of him. 

He put his hand on Dorian’s chest where it was bare and soaked in the sound Dorian made at that simple contact. Dorian wrapped his arms tight around Darva and for a moment they held like that, kissing softly, embracing. Then they parted, eyes shining, and smiled, and kissed again, harder this time. With each kiss, each movement of their lips together, each time they parted and rejoined, each touch of a hand, Darva felt like he was being made new again. Being cleansed in a way that even a hot bath couldn’t mimic. He was coming back to himself.

“I want you,” he murmured, breathless now.

“Aren’t you easy?” Dorian murmured, as if he was not already hard against Darva’s thigh, impossible to hide in the tight pants he’d chosen.

“Only for you.”

“Good.”

Dorian took hold of Darva by the shoulders and turned him around suddenly, pressing him against the desk now, kissing him harder now, more insistently, his mustache rasping against Darva’s skin in a way that thrilled him. Dorian’s hands were already on the clasps of Darva’s tunic, working them free one at a time.

“Do you know how hard it was to watch you all those weeks in the Graves?” Dorian asked. “Knowing there was so little time for me to touch you?”

“I can guess,” Darva said as Dorian finally worked the tunic free and pushed it aside, and then started on the binder that kept Darva’s chest flat beneath his clothes. “Probably about as hard as it was for me to watch you.”

“Nonsense,” Dorian said, bending now kissing Darva’s throat. “It was much harder. You didn’t have to stare at one of the most handsome men in Thedas for days on end.”

“Exactly,” Darva retorted as the binder came free. He reached out and pulled Dorian’s tunic loose from the trousers and started trying to tug it over Dorian’s head. “I was staring at the most handsome man in Thedas.”

Dorian pulled back a moment, his eyes raking over Darva, a devilish smile on his lips.

“Damn,” he said. “If I disagree with you, I insult myself. If I agree with you, I insult you. I think I will simply kiss you instead.”

A laugh bubbled up from Darva’s throat as Dorian threw his own tunic aside and then kissed him again, pressing him back against the desk now, nearly lying on top of him, and the feeling of skin on skin was as miraculous as watching a mage pull fire out of thin air. The wet and needy feeling between Darva’s legs only grew as they lay there entwined, as Dorian rutted against him, grinding his cock against Darva and groaning into each kiss. There’d been part of Dorian that wanted to hide his desire at first - a relic of all those men in the Imperium who would use desire to their own ends, who would see it as weakness - but Dorian had no such fear now. He knew he was safe here, as much as Darva did.

“I love you,” Darva murmured this time when they parted. The most precious secret they shared.

Dorian touched his cheek.

“I love you,” he said in return. And then, after a beat of silence. “I think I have to do it. I have to insult myself. You are the most handsome man in Thedas. Maker, those freckles of yours, and those lips, and those arms...”

Darva laughed, because this wasn’t skittishness on Dorian’s part any longer as far as he could tell. It was simply the truth. His laugh was short lived though, because Dorian was kissing down his chest and his belly now, quickly removing the belt that held up Darva’s trousers, pulling the trousers down and then his smalls, and thank the Creators someone had lit a fire in this room earlier because otherwise he would be freezing now, but maybe that wouldn’t even matter because Dorian was kneeling between Darva’s legs, throwing one leg over each shoulder, and then bending his head and kissing Darva deeply, exactly where he most wanted to be kissed -

“Creators, fuck, Dorian -”

Darva felt the chuckle then, felt it as Dorian licked and sucked at each different part of him, coyly avoiding Darva’s clit. He throbbed with need now, was nearly dizzy with it. It had been too long. Too many weeks since his body had been anything other than a weapon for battle, or a vehicle for disease. He was alive with desire now and Dorian was only going to stoke that flame higher, slipping his tongue inside Darva now, and then replacing it with a finger, turning his head and kissing and biting at Darva’s thigh. Darva couldn’t stand it then. He laced his fingers into Dorian’s hair and tried to tug him back to where he wanted him, half expecting a teasing jab about how long Dorian had taken that morning to make sure his hair was perfectly arranged. But Dorian only looked up, smiled that devilish smile again, and then let Darva guide him, sealing his lips at last around Darva’s swollen clit.

Darva was no mage, but he couldn’t help but imagine that this was what magic felt like when it coursed through your body - the white hot electric heat that flooded him as Dorian sucked and licked and lapped at his clit, the way it made his fingers and toes curl up, his breath come short. Dorian took his time here, each movement long and slow, and Darva wasn’t sure whether to bless him or curse him for that - for the way he pressed the flat of his tongue against Darva’s needy body, hesitating for a moment there, building up the sensation, before flicking his tongue up, sending a wave of skittering pleasure through his core. There was only so much of that he could take before he was begging Dorian for more.

Dorian, of course, sat back then, his perfect hair and moustache in perfect disarray - how did he manage that? - and a grin on his face.

“You know, amatus, I should have waited until this moment to declare you the most handsome man in Thedas.”

“Declare away. But please, vhenan -”

Dorian’s chuckle was soft and low and full of promise. “I know. I have you, amatus.”

On another night Dorian might have teased him a little bit more. He had never quite done the dance with seven silk scarves that he had promised at the Winter Palace but he certainly knew how to draw out any kind of dance. But tonight, Dorian was as hungry for Darva as Darva was for him. It was the weeks of hard travel, no doubt. And, too, the other things happening with Darva’s body -

But none of that mattered, not now - all that mattered was Dorian’s lips, hot and soft and firm around Darva’s straining sex, the way he alternated quickly now between flicking his tongue quickly there or sucking on Darva instead - the way all of it was filling him up, building a deep, steady pool in his core, something wet and molten that would inevitably spill over and he was so close now, so close to spilling out, coming totally and utterly apart, and Dorian was right there with him, not letting up now, sucking and licking and then finally fucking Darva with his fingers and -

He felt nearly blind with pleasure when it happened, when the pool spilled over, wet spasming heat filling his body, wringing him out with every wave, a mess of sound and sensation, his fingers tight in Dorian’s hair. Dorian was making sounds too, appreciative moans, as he brought him through it, drawing away when Darva became too sensitive, leaving little kisses on his thighs instead. He was still smiling up at Darva, but it was a softer smile now.

“Are you still with us, or have you ascended to another plane of existence?” Dorian asked when Darva’s breathing slowed.

“Get over here,” Darva said in reply, arms outstretched.

As always, the simple pleasure of feeling Dorian’s bare skin against his own was remarkable, almost beyond words. After so much bad, so much suffering, it was hard to believe there could be anything as beautiful in this world as the feeling of his lover’s bare chest against his own. Darva wrapped his legs around Dorian, curled his fingers in his hair, cupped the back of his head, kissed him drunkenly, tasting himself on Dorian’s tongue. Dorian’s trousers were still on, though, and that was something that had to change immediately, so Darva pulled away and began scrabbling for the laces there, his usual finesse gone, because even though his sex was still twitching with satisfaction from his climax, he needed Dorian to fill him now, needed to be as close to him as he could be.

Dorian tried to help, but that just ended in their fingers getting in each others’ way, in the laces of the trousers getting knotted, in both of them laughing. The desk was starting to dig into Darva’s back, into tender places where he’d been bruised during all their fighting. All of it made him feel suddenly, sharply alive - the smell of beeswax candles, the coarse leather of the laces, the sound of their ragged breath and laughter, the places where they were touching, the hard edges of the desk.

“There,” Dorian said, the laces finally coming loose, his trousers peeling away, revealing all the rest of him, brown and beautiful, the dark tight curls that ringed his cock, thick and hard and glistening at the tip already, and this was another moment that Darva knew was already searing into his mind, like the afterimages fire painted on the inside of your eyes - this moment of being alive and with the man he loved, and knowing nothing else mattered.

“Your eyes, amatus,” Dorian murmured, his thumb tracing down Darva’s cheek. “They are so wide and dark just now.”

They are taking all of this in, capturing it forever. Something nothing and no one can take from us. But Darva didn’t feel up to words just then.

He stood up from the desk then, forcing Dorian to back up, and wrapped himself around his lover, kissing him, slipping a hand between them and palming Dorian’s cock, one long slow stroke of his hand over the length of it that made him shudder and groan into Darva’s mouth. Then again, in the other direction, root to tip, reveling in hard flesh and silky skin, pausing at the top this time to rub the plump soft head in a slow circle, gathering the sticky moisture there, feeling the fine shudder that ran through Dorian’s whole body.

“You’ll have to stop that if you don’t want me to shame myself and spill myself all over you,” Dorian said, his voice harsh now. “Although that does paint a pretty picture, now that I imagine it - you spread out on the bed, covered in my spend...”

Darva wrapped his hand around his cock this time, his grip firm, but the strokes still slow. Dorian’s eyes fluttered shut and his hands tightened on Darva’s arms. He was always surprised how undone this seemingly unflappable man was by a simple touch. By intimacy. Sometimes it seemed to shock him into babbling, like he could hide just how much he needed this. Other times it stunned him into silence. Either way, it surprised him, and that made Darva feel fierce and protective of him. He would fill him up with this kindness and these soft touches, so much so that the memory of them would be enough when Darva inevitably -

He pulled his hand away, returned to the feeling of being alive and in the moment.

“No. I want you inside of me.”

“Whatever my lover asks of me,” Dorian said, but he was too breathless to really make it sound coy or playful. Darva probably could command him to do any number of things in this moment. But the only command he wanted to give was be here, be now, be with me in this moment that will pass and then never come again.

He didn’t need to say it, though. He could see that Dorian was here with him. He could feel the connection between them like a thread of silk that bound them, in the way they kept meeting each other’s eyes as they stumbled backwards towards the bed, in the way neither of them said anything now, in the way Dorian lay back without having to ask Darva where he wanted him, in the way Dorian ran a hand up and down the length of Darva’s body, from collarbone to navel, as he straddled Dorian’s legs. Not a sexual touch. Just one that acknowledged the moment. That acknowledged them.

Darva caught hold of Dorian’s hand with one of his own and held it tight, pressed it against the space between his breasts, where he hoped Dorian could hear the hammering of his heart. He kept his gaze steadily on Dorian’s as his other hand went to his cock, held him still so he could sink down onto it, and then he couldn’t hold his gaze steadily anymore because it felt so fucking good to be filled up by Dorian, to feel every last inch of him sliding home, to feel the way Dorian’s body went tense as a bowstring beneath him. He kept his hold on Dorian’s hand, though. Lifted it once to press a kiss to the knuckles, then put it right back where it was. A feeling as precious as the feeling of being joined.

A string of Tevene words spilled from Dorian’s lips as Darva started to move. Darva liked to ask what they meant at other times, but for now he just let the sound of them wash over him, alien and yet familiar, because it was the language of the man he loved. He started slow, rolling his hips, a gentle rocking motion that let him feel every part of Dorian where he was buried inside of him. It made his toes curl, made his clit ache and twitch again. It made Dorian ball up the coverlet into his free hand and twist it, his eyes shut tight. Darva wanted to stretch it out, to stay like this, moving slowly, to watch each expression as it flitted across Dorian’s face - but he wanted to see him fall apart entirely, too, wanted to feel his lover’s cock moving hard within his own body, wanted to see if it would make him come again.

He found himself speeding up just imagining it - going from those rolls of his hips to a quick bouncing movement, then switching back to the slow swivel. He leaned forward, bracing himself with one hand, refusing to drop Dorian’s other, so he could change the angle, grinding himself against Dorian’s body, sending sparks of pleasure through his core at the feeling of it. 

That was when Dorian reacted, twitching his hips upward, meeting each of Darva’s strokes, and each one pressed perfectly on that sensitive place within Darva that made him bite his lip and moan, and of course Dorian caught on to that, seized it the way he would seize an advantage in chess, started working harder at it - short, sharp thrusts now, building in speed, and Darva’s breath was growing shallow at how good that felt, and he did have to drop Dorian’s hand now because he had to brace both against the bed so he could meet Dorian in turn, so he could be even closer to Dorian, so Dorian could grab his hips, his ass, move them both at once into a sweat-slick frenzy of thrusting, of hard and wet and good and close and other murmuring sounds -

When Dorian came it was with his head tipped back, his eyes screwed shut, his breath caught in his throat, and Darva could feel each long hard pulse of it, how his whole body had gone still but his cock was still moving, still twitching hard as he spilled. It made his own body clench tight in response, once, twice, thrills of pleasure filling him, too. Not as powerful as his first climax, to be sure, but enough to make Darva sigh and shudder, too. It seemed to take Dorian a moment to remember how to breathe, and even then each breath was accompanied by a long moan, and Darva bent his head to kiss along Dorian’s throat, to brush his cheek against the stubble that was just forming along his jaw now that it was the end of the day.

“Vhenan,” he said when Dorian’s eyes fluttered open again.

“Amatus,” Dorian said, a soft smile on his face, guileless as dawn, secret and perfect, something Darva wanted to tuck into his pocket and keep forever.

Sometimes they returned to their playful teasing, their back and forth banter, after they made love. This was not one of those times. They stayed joined as long as they could, and Darva only strayed to the bedside table to clean himself up quickly, and then he was back in Dorian’s arms, beneath the covers this time, the two of them lying face to face in the darkness as the fire burned low. Dorian brushed the back of his hand over Darva’s cheek, sending shivers through him. Darva wondered was he was thinking in that moment. About the past, or the future. He did not ask. He hoped it was only about the present - about warm smooth sheets, pleasantly sore bodies, the way their feet were intertwining now beneath the sheets. Darva realized he was smiling, that Dorian was smiling back. Then he knew they were together - in the right place, at the right time. Here and now. Darva kissed the man he loved, and was content.

[random-notes-and-jottings]

Claudia Rankine and the construction of whiteness

In the past decade, the Jamaican-born poet has reversed the way we talk about race by focusing not on black victimhood, but on white privilege.

By Colin Grant

In the past decade, with works such as Citizen: An American Lyric, the Jamaican-born poet Claudia Rankine has reversed the way we frame and talk about race by focusing not on black victimhood, but on the construction of whiteness. Rankine’s inversion, which she teaches at Yale University, is simple but ­profound, countervailing long-lasting assumptions about race.

In her latest book, Just Us: An American Conversation, she invites readers to stand in for her discomfited students. If you tried out her thesis for yourself, asking white friends, for instance, when they first realised that they were white, you’d likely be met with silence, even bewilderment. But black people are born and live in the “castle of their skin” every day. Not thinking about colour is a luxury hardly ever granted to them.

Just Us explores the underexposed privilege of whiteness. Like Citizen which, when published in 2014, spoke directly to the concerns of the burgeoning Black Lives Matter movement, the new work is a hybrid of prose, poetry, monologues and photographs, such as the idealised 1950s “Caucasian” model who illustrates how “Shirley Cards” determined the “correct” skin tone balance as an industry standard for North American photo labs. The racial bias built into photography may seem a trivial concern but is illustrative of the pervasive bias in society. Have black lives mattered more in the past few years? George Floyd’s murder suggests not.

The book begins with a troubling thought. At this inflection point in our culture of “racial reckoning”, when privileged assumptions are being shredded and long-term structural injustices more rigorously challenged, “What if in the long middle of the wait… nothing changes?” The question is directed squarely at the US, and seems a challenge to Martin Luther King’s assertion that “the arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends toward justice”. It is bending surely, but the resistance towards change is still great.

Rankine is the interrogator throughout Just Us, conducting a probing survey of attitudes by inserting herself into the text as a participating observer. She charts the turbulence of the past that now allows, at least among her tertiary-educated friends, for relative ease of black/white interactions. Each page offers richly rewarding anecdotes and insights into the quagmire of race and race relations in the United States.

[see also: Why Louise Glück is a worthy winner of the Nobel Prize for Literature]

Typical is an altercation with a white airline passenger who jumps in front of Rankine (a frequent first-class flyer) as she queues for boarding. When she informs him that she’s also in the queue, his response (an aside to his friend) succinctly encapsulates the arrogance of privilege: “You never know who they’re letting into first class these days.” Battle-hardened to such exchanges, she’s still rattled days later when recounting the tale to her therapist. On a subsequent flight, another white male passenger in the first-class seat next to her appears alarmed by her proximity. “Seeing his whiteness,” she writes, “meant I understood my presence as an unexpected demotion for him.”

The term “white privilege” was popularised by the academic Peggy McIntosh in 1988. She listed 46 ways in which she was a beneficiary of white privilege. All are illuminating, but number 36 is particularly so: “If my day, week or year is going badly, I need not ask of each negative episode or situation whether it had racial overtones.” It can be exhausting being black. But Claudia Rankine is indefatigable and has a steely eye for white folk lamenting the shift in social tectonic plates that is undermining their previously unassailable positions. She’s not alone; white allies feature throughout the book.

Whitney Dow is among those Rankine enlists in support of her thesis. Dow, a documentary film-maker, has filmed hundreds of white Americans for an oral history project called “Facing Whiteness”. He tells Rankine: “We are seeing the deconstruction of the white male archetype. The individual actor on the grand stage always had the support of a genocidal government, but this is not the narrative we grew up with. It’s a challenge to adjust.”

That’s clearly the case for one of Rankine’s friends who is passed over for a job and feels victimised for being a white man. She encourages him to take the long view of America’s iniquitous workplace, which still favours white men. She wants to delve deeper and ask her friend “if his expectation was a sign of his privilege”. But she refrains, reholstering her pistol, as it were, remembering that her “role as a friend probably demanded another response”.

The use of “probably” is key. Although Rankine upbraids herself for ungenerous thoughts about white liberals, including her “woke” white husband, there are occasionally, in conversations, comments such as “I don’t see colour” that make her pull “an emergency brake” in her head and try to resist lubricating moments of tough questioning. No one is guaranteed a “pass”, not even her husband.

Rankine quotes the theorist Saidiya Hartman, who argues that the task of “educating white people about racism has failed”. North Americans, Hartman says, occupy a time in which the legacy of slavery is still present, where “the past, the present and the future, are not discrete and cut off from one another”. They live with a sense of “temporal entanglement”. Just Us is an attempt to narrate this process, one instinctively understood by black people.

Rankine’s reflection on the controversial play Fairview is a good example of her approach. Jackie Sibblies Drury’s play, which won the 2019 Pulitzer Prize for Drama, unfolds as a kind of game show interrogation of white perceptions of blackness, performative blackness and white minstrelsy. The play is a challenge for Rankine and a white female friend when they go to see it. Their friendship is put in jeopardy because of the white woman’s mute response and failure, when the theatrical fourth wall is broken at the play’s end, to gather on stage with the shamed white audience when enjoined to do so by a black cast member. Rankine voices her disappointment (bordering on disapproval) of her white friend, and the breach leads to days of silence. But the friendship is saved when Rankine receives an unsolicited written response from the friend, confessing: “I shrink… from scenes where I’m asked… to feel bad as a white person… to feel shame, guilt, to do penance, to stand corrected, to sit down chastised.”

Chastisement should not be confused with learning. Just Us is a provocation and, if read closely, will make difficult demands on the reader. But they’re demands that Rankine is determined not to shirk from in challenging the continuing pathological inequalities of the United States. “Remaining in the quotidian of disturbance,” she writes, “is our way of staying honest until another strategy offers a new pathway, an as-yet-unimagined pathway that allows the existing structures to stop replicating.”

Just Us: An American Conversation

Claudia Rankine

Allen Lane, 360pp, £25

[bunnimew]

Please Have Snow and Mistletoe Chapter 3

@anxiety-jack @rotgsecretsanta 

Jack Frost/Pitch Black

Rated T for language

Word count at 3.4k now.

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 AO3 link Ko-fi Patreon

I play around with the POV a bit in this one. It just worked out funnier that way.

Apparently, ‘welcome’ came with a slap on the back, a cookie in his mouth, ostensibly to shut him up, and half a Christmas card shoved in his hoodie pocket with instructions loudly whispered in his ear to, ‘keep hold of it.’

And then he noticed Pitch.

Jack could tell because North said his name very loudly and attracted the attention of every other spirit in the room.

“Pitch Black!”

Classic North.

Pitch pulled himself from the gift sack and stood to his full height with an impressive amount of poise given that it amounted to crawling out of a bag and standing up. “North.”

Jack did his best to look around without obviously looking around, searching out the other Guardians with his gaze. Most spirits didn’t care what Pitch was up to, it’s not like he was launching plots to destroy everyone all the time, so really, it was a limited list of people likely to suddenly run across the room and punch Pitch square in the mouth…

And it looked like Tooth was not, in fact, going to do that. Jack relaxed his shoulders. Good.

Still, there were narrowed eyes and a stretching silence as North and Pitch sized each other up. Pitch’s glare was dark and murderous, challenging North to start a brawl right here, right now. But North…

His mouth was set in a frown, but his brow was pinched in a way that Jack knew meant consideration, that his decision wasn’t already made. His eyes narrowed further, a wince that looked a little bit like pain, and then he threw his arms out and pasted that huge smile back on his face.

“Welcome to the party!”

Pitch looked a lot like Jack felt: utterly dumbfounded.

“What?”

“Is good to see you. Glad you could make it,” North went on, making a show of wrapping an arm around Pitch’s back and leading him closer to the festivities, “Have a drink. Try to stay off Naughty List next year, yeah? And,” Suddenly North’s hand was wrist-deep in Pitch’s robe and Jack wasn’t sure if he was jealous of that or overjoyed at the hilariously indignant squawk that left Pitch in the same moment, “keep hold of this.”

North was completely incapable of whispering.

Jack considered himself lucky. Without Pitch, Jack’s arrival would have been the sum total of the breaking news, and chances were, all of North’s focus would have been on him. This way, Jack could slide mostly unnoticed into the party and maybe escape further manhandling for the rest of the evening.

Well, except that Tooth was here.

Pitch considered himself cursed. What was he thinking earlier? Meant to succeed? What a joke. His whole life was a joke, at this point.

Why ever was he still trying?

After being ruined, kidnapped, stared down, harangued, molested, and coerced into this party, Pitch was almost ready to declare that it could not get worse. He refused to actually do so however, on the off chance that fate was listening and would accept the challenge.

Did he use harangue in the past tense? He should have used present.

“I know temptation is hard,” North continued on without stopping to make sure Pitch was still listening, “But this is chance, Pitch! Enjoy party, don’t cause trouble, and we can be-”

Given the excitement he went into the sentence with, Pitch found himself thoroughly unimpressed with the silent struggle that stopped him.

“Peers!”

Pitch snorted, “That was seriously the best you could come up with?”

North’s tone turned dry, “Do you have better word?”

“I have choice words,” Pitch muttered, wondering when his misery would end. And then he saw it.

Mistletoe.

Thankfully it was yards away, hovering innocuously over the heads of the Groundhog and Tooth, who very sweetly pecked him on the cheek and shared a laugh. This called for high alert. This called for maximum wariness. This called for Pitch watching over both shoulders and above his head for the whole eveni-

“Ah,” North exclaimed, and when Pitch turned around, he was looking up. Oh no. “Mistletoe.”

“Noooo!”

Jack blinked and looked over at the odd sound. He’d only heard Pitch sound like that once before. And it was just in time to see Pitch struggling against one of North’s famous bear hugs and what appeared to be his entire face enveloped in North’s lips for a sloppy kiss that Jack, for Pitch’s sake, hoped landed mostly on his cheek and not somewhere more unfortunate like, for example, an eyeball.

There was only one explanation for this, and Jack checked above their heads to confirm. Ah, yes.

Mistletoe.

It was great for pranks, and Jack mostly loved the stuff, but he was definitely going to run for his life if he ended up near it and North. None of that looked pleasant. None. Of that.

A nudge in his side drew Jack’s attention, and he looked down to find the Sandman offering him a toast.

“Hey, Sandy! Glad you could make it. Knocked out a few time zones early to make time?”

The Sandman didn’t answer verbally, he never did, but an impish wink told Jack everything he needed to know.

“Time for game!”

North’s announcement was met with every reaction from excited anticipation to reluctance and trepidation. Mostly from Pitch. Watching him was becoming Jack’s favorite part of this forced get-together. For his part, Jack found himself somewhere in between. This could either be a lot of fun or a train wreck in the making, so Jack quieted down and listened intently just in case he might not be able to hear.

Ha, that was a joke.

“Take out card,” North instructed the party at large, “You have only half. Someone else has other half. First three pairs to match win a prize!”

Jack, along with literally everyone else, eyed his card curiously as he pulled it out of its hiding place. He fingered the foil and glitter monstrosity (That he still, somehow, adored. He considered that Christmas magic: tacky made wonderful one time a year.) and considered whether he really had to go find whoever else had the other half.

He returned his eyes to North, “What do we win?”

There was an amused glint to North’s eyes that told Jack the older Guardian had expected this question from him. Which meant his entire answer was scripted, from the gracious nodding to the indulgent tone, all.

“Why, they don’t have to participate in next game, of course! Free pass!”

The speed with which the entire room erupted into motion gave Jack whiplash. He stood half-numb with his card in hand as spirit after spirit ran up, held their card next to it, then ran off again. It was the first choir of, “We got one!” followed by joyous cries of festivity exemption that broke him out of his haze, and Jack was finally in on the hunt.

He wasn’t even processing their faces, just their hands and the cards they held as he raced to find a match. He ignored the triumphant cheers of the second match found and focused on becoming the third. He would win this. He would not be subject to North’s whims the entire night.

In the back of his mind, Jack considered this prize and what it meant. North knew damn well that nobody enjoyed having to do this and yet the bastard engineered it all, anyway. Why did Jack love him so much?

Elation struck Jack to the core when the gaudy design of his card finally matched up with the card he held it to. He was sucking in the air to declare their triumph when, from across the room, someone else screamed it out, first.

Deflated, defeated, and reeling from the sudden drop into devastation, Jack stared at the hand that came too late. No, not hand. Paw.

That was a paw.

“Congratulations!” North shouted over their heads, “Good job, everyone! The rest of you: other card half is partner for next game!”

Jack already knew, but he looked up anyway.

Bunny and he groaned and hid their face in perfect, dejected unison.