#can i post what ive been thinking of posting?

[furiouskettle]

random Look Outside character headcanons/opinions

(may be incorrect cause ive just been watching playthroughs. going off of the info i got from that which may be missing some parts.)

body horror talk, spoilers from all over the game and ending under the cut.

Sam

I love sam. hes just nice (potentially a pushover) and a dork. HES JUST A GUY!!!! i love that the game gives him time to show you how he’s processing his/your actions?

Really funny to me that him being unemployed is part of the reason he’s the protagonist. Can’t become a monster if you don’t have to go outside.

Am curious why he isn't working at the grocery store (if he did work there). did he leave or get fired?

OW losing an arm has GOTTA HURT. i cast pain upon this man.

his hair is just Like That no matter what he does

Joel

mY SWEET BABY BOYYYY i want to see him grow up big and strong (not too big and strong considering the everything but you get the idea).

looks like he has some form of "vision" post-mutation?? he doesnt seem to have any issue playing video games so i opt that he can “see”, just not very well. it’s short range and fuzzy. might be more of a feeling of his surroundings than real vision? whatever it is, it's good enough to play super jump lad.

I also HC that he’d developed shortsightedness when he had eyes, just that nobody had noticed yet that he’s squinting at things more than he should…

I think his biting/devouring is involuntary when he’s agitated. thankfully it hasn’t come to him biting any friends so far!

get this boy some popsicle sticks to gnaw on. not even for tooth reasons. eight year olds just love chewing on popsicle sticks. (preferably after popsicle has been consumed)

Apart from not fully understanding everything going on due to his age, he seems a bit dazed from the mutation and probably has brain fog for a few days after, which is Definitely not helping sam with the Oh My God this kid doesnt know his parents are dead. OH GOD I KILLED THIS KID'S PARENTS AND I HAVE STOLEN HIM AWAY

oddly chill with losing teeth. has taken some of his baby teeth out by himself! gives joel my childhood trait of oh hey my tooth is wobbling! lemme get rid of that real quick. twist twist twist

Jeanne

i dont have much to say on her atm but she’s lovely and really doesnt deserve what happens to her. on the bright side the worst seems to be over for her?? if she’s still growing does that mean that she’s gonna have to be like “oop a new head’s budding. gotta get someone to lop that off for me before it becomes a problem.”

Lyle

FIRST OF ALL i LOVE how his design kind of references how old cameras had to be covered with fabric so the photo wouldn't fail.

i think he wore glasses when he was human! …the lenses got absorbed into his face. the camera he was holding did too. I think he didn’t own as many cameras as he ended up with. That big one he has seems specific enough that maybe that was the one he was using to snap a sky pic??? idk if he touched any other cameras after that but THAT one has gotta be the one he was holding.

idk if he finds spiders GROSS but he is definitely the kind of person to be afraid to be in the same room as one.

I think most of his legs are telescopic to some degree! he just doesnt see the need to make himself any taller than he already is, except for photography reasons.

reiterating from one of my doodle posts, i like to think his eye lenses shed over time. if you took off the lens early on an eye (via injury) it would have weak vision. built-in glasses!

I hope the soul photo thing is like a special attack thing for him that he has to set up intentionally? it feels mean to have all the photos he takes with his built in cameras be the soul-stealing kind. he does take photos by accident/involuntarily a lot but the one he takes after the kiss with sam is totally on purpose and he absolutely still has that one. concerning.

idk if he gets out of his apartment much during the Visit, but it could be that HE hasnt seen any mutations worse than his/doesnt know that sam has totally seen worse. Hence why he's trying to hide so hard from Sam (not to mention the guy is crushing HARD, he's not gonna wanna be vulnerable in front of him).

....also hideous monster or not hes naked under there. i dont blame him for wanting to stay cloaked

Xaria & Monty

oh god theyre art students. that explains SO much.

very funny to me that xaria heard a voice in her head compelling her to check out the window and decided she’s gonna be contrarian about it.

I imagine a lot of Monty’s projects are setting something on fire. shows up to class with a pile of plastic baby heads. sets them ablaze. the most important part of being an art student is the time honored tradition of bullshitting some sort of meaning that’s gonna satisfy the lecturer.

Probably decent at life drawings but he keeps burning his works. (not to mention realism doesnt appear to be his kind of style)

Xaria feels like she’d stick to slightly more traditional mediums (painting, sculpture)? a lot of surrealism, mixed media, themes of nonconformity and violence. has totally used blood in a project before. More intentional about the meaning of her art- the intention being that she wants to make people uncomfortable.

i think it’d be hilarious if they’d been binging horror movies the night before. funniest options are The Thing and Tetsuo the iron man.

Since Sam mutates into something regardless of what you do up on the roof, i’m guessing the same goes for these two if you bring them up there. cool/nasty idea for their mutation is they fuse into one being... not necessarily an idea im running with atm but fun to think abt anyway

Sybil

AGH, sybil….. i love her. she's just really nice...

I think she’s in some sort of schrödinger’s cat situation - dead and alive until observed. or maybe like a quark (particle that cannot be observed but you can see the effects of it).

it’s unclear if someone ever was next door to you, but if I recall the astronomers tell you there’s no way she’s there? (cant recall if its bc she was “dead” by then or if its the totally wrong floor.)

the game says it was a mystery what happened to sybil, but a potential course of events could be your Real Neighbour just got sucked outta their window same as what happens to you if you look and sybil THINKS shes next door to you.

I’m pretty sure she’s in all of the walls? some of her text implies that, even tho she doesnt seem to be really aware of it.

far as she knows, she's in her apartment. what's her apartment like? well, it's an apartment. it's got walls. she can see out the peephole. there's.... furniture. What else do you want?

(man. between her, the pipe lady, the water pump guy, and the boiler room the walls are CROWDED. no wonder the roaches decide to move to your place.)

The Visitor

what do i even say about it? it is, in the most direct meaning of the word, awesome. it’s unfathomably immense. it's beautiful. it's horrifying. I love that in a single eye out of infinite eyes, it sees a miniscule creature who just wants to live. Sam becomes a smaller reflection of the Visitor, and the visitor gains a fraction of what makes sam human…

I wonder, did the visitor even “exist” until witnessed? same as sybil, maybe it could have some quantum thing going on. i can’t speculate on this any more than the astronomers have.

Sam (ritual-denial)

while it’s the nicest ending possible, i still feel kinda bad for sam :( he can never be truly alone anymore, but at the same time isn’t becoming a giant god-creature kind of isolating? sure, he must grow used to it over time but MAN. WHAT AN ADJUSTMENT.

regardless, it’s nice that he decides to use his new form to take care of the world, and sounds like he probably gets some extra brain capacity to be able to do all the stuff he does. (probably a few extra mini-brains to control the different arm nodes)

I hope he gets to take time for himself too, sometimes. probably sleeps like a dolphin (switch off half the brain for a power nap)

I don't think he can do verbal communication (at least, it's gonna take him a WHILE to figure out how to talk with his feelers) but at least there's keyboards.

also its funny how he gains like a gajillion arms after potentially losing one of two.

also i love the cafe patrons and the mutants at the camp. theyre all so fun. AND MANUEL FUNKY LITTLE DUDE WITH THE JAMS.

i need to find more about the lady with the slasher mask i just know she exists.

@mtgc858 @deafeningfestivalpaper @kasprawn39 @contract-crawdad @goawaypopup @eyessss come get yer headcanons

anyway uhhhhhhh hope you found my rambling fun to read byee

[darlingdaisyfarm]

hey! im sorry to make another post like this, but i feel like i need to say some things. because honestly, if i don’t, i won’t be able to move on from it.

further text under the cut because i don’t want to flood your feed with this

when i posted that anon message, i wasn’t expecting.. well, anything, really. i just felt very awful, i dumped my feelings out because i got emotional and i was ready to just delete this app and not come back. i thought, okay, that’s it, i embarrassed myself for the last time, im done. but when i came back, suddenly there were all these kind messages from people telling me they care, and i think it’s only because of you all that i’m still here. you all mean so much to me, i don’t think i’ve ever felt this supported in my entire life. i don’t know what i did to deserve this kind of kindness, but it means everything to me. so thank you, thank you so much to everyone who didn’t just walk past me when i needed it the most, i really needed to hear that. i cant help but smile when reading your words. i appreciate each of you.

the truth is, that anon text hit me like a knife to the chest. and i hate that it did. i hate that i let a random person make me feel sick about my own hobby, my own blog and everything i’ve ever shared here. but the thing is i’ve always felt this way. hesitant, always unsure if i even have the right to take up space here, i guess a lot of that comes from the friendships i used to have.

because ive always been that friend. the one who listens, who gives. who’s always there when someone needs to vent, to cry, to talk about their passions, struggles or random thoughts. and i never minded, i loved being there for people. but when i tried to share smth about me, it was always met with indifference. like what i had to say wasn’t worth anything. and after years of that, i started believing it myself. even now, posting this, i still feel awkward. like, it’s hard for me to even write this without thinking, should i delete this before anyone sees it? that’s where the anxiety comes from and it’s smth im still working through

so when that anon said what they did, it was like hearing all of my worst thoughts spoken out loud. as if they reached inside my brain, pulled out every insecurity i’ve ever had, and threw it right in my face. ive always felt like im being too annoying. i know i post a lot, but every time i cant help but feel so cringe about it. and i fight it because i dont like being constantly embarrassed for just being myself, but it’s exhausting.

so yeah, when i saw that message, i just felt so damn embarrassed about everything, like i was making a fool of myself this entire time and just didn’t realize it and i hate feeling that way.

and the part that really got to me was the comparison. it hurt more than anything, it made me feel like no matter how hard i try, ill never be enough, that all the effort, all the time, all the small moments of pride i let myself have were just misplaced. i know I’m not perfect, i know there are better writers, faster writers or just people who seem to create more interesting ideas or plots or describe characters way better, but i didnt mind? i mean i was just trying to find space where i can express myself without fear, but then that comparison just made me feel so sick of myself. like “oh look, they’re better, so mb you should just give up.” it made me feel like i don’t have the right to take up space here at all

its hard to explain, but that comparison just made me feel like i was less than

i wouldn’t say i’m a perfectionist, but i am very critical of my writing. i put a lot of effort into my stuff, especially since english isn’t my first language. it’s twice as hard to make sure my sentences are right, that i didn’t mess up the grammar, that i used the right words. and when you pour so much effort into smth and then someone just comes and shits all over it, it kills any desire to create or continue smth. makes you feel like maybe you shouldn’t create anything else. hell, i know that sounds dramatic, but that’s how it feels. and i hate that i’m letting this ruin smth i loved

and the part about taking too long to update... i don’t know what to say to that, i’m not a machine, i write when my brain lets me. when i have an idea, an image in my head, when i feel inspired. and i did have inspiration. i spent a whole week writing that last fic, actually enjoying the process, i felt proud of it, which is rare for me. excited to share it with people. and for what?

and the worst part is, i was planning to start posting my art too. i wanted to finally get out of my comfort zone, to share smth i’ve been afraid to share for so long. but if this is the kind of reaction i get for just writing, then what the hell is gonna happen when i post art? i blocked the last anon who sent me hate, so this is someone new then? meaning there’s two people now who actively dislike me enough to go out of their way to make sure i know. and i know, i know, i shouldn’t care about whether people like me or not. but fuck, it’s hard, i’m a professional overthinker, and unfortunately, i don’t think i’ll be quitting that job anytime soon.

i already had so much going on in my personal life. so much i was trying to get off my mind by being here, writing, sharing things that make me happy, talking with people. and then i open this app and see that, and suddenly it’s like, what’s even the point?

i know i’m being a sensitive crybaby. i hate to be this way. and i get that it’s the internet, and people can be jerks and assholes. but i REALLY don’t understand how much poison you have to have in yourself to send this hateful shit to a complete stranger. i just don’t get it. i’ve never left hate on anything, not even on stuff that isn’t for me. it just feels so pointless?

and as for the thing about Stan’s speech in my fics - im not american. english isn’t even my first language. and you have no idea how much effort it takes to get his voice even close to what it should be, he is one of the hardest characters for me to write. so fuck you, anon, you suck. genuinely

but... as much as that anon’s words gutted me, the kindness i received in response meant even more, it reminded me of why im here in the first place. to share things i love, to create, to talk with people who actually care. what im trying to say is thank you for making me feel less alone. i’m honestly just.. overwhelmed, in the best way. i was drowning in self-doubt, and your kindness and support pulled me out. i don’t take it for granted. i love all of you ♡♡ ive read all your messages, and ive never felt SO damn appreciated

[mulherviado]

not that connected to the shipp itself (even tho im actually expecting this to be shipp related) but i think a must for s4 that they give us some development on mistynat post rescue. this giant gap between their relationship in the teen x adult timeline doesn't really add up....

in the start of season one we have an overview of why the girls find misty so weird and exclude her from the group (the whole situation with ben + the poisoning + etc), meanwhile we see the adults acting on it as if it was the reason why they treat her like a freak.

BUT the thing is that currently on season 3 misty is kind of accepted again in some way (we can see a bit of it at the trial scene, specially the way nat treats her), so what really happened between her and all the girls so they just disappeared on her for 25 years even tho she tried to keep contact with them?

did ALL the girls really ignored her or did something happen between her and natalie? why did they both had such a weird ass horny reaction when they met up again? why aren't shauna and tai that surprised when nat says misty was helping her with the whole travis thing? and most importantly, why didn't misty go after natalie before??

anyways, just some things ive been thinking about. #brainrot

[lizardsmp3]

would you ever consider posting like a speed paint or a breakdown of your art process? I am new to digital art and feeling like I’m doing something fundamentally Wrong somewhere in the process. it would be interesting to see regardless :3 “whatever happened to hello?” YES CORRECT hello I LOVE your art hope you’re having a good day!!!

FIRST OF ALL sorry this took so long to answer and you are so sweet ty!! also i promise however & whatever youre doing theres no real wrong or right way as cliche as it sounds genuinely it is just about finding a method that works for you! & having brushes you like helps a LOT– i use procreate and. okay i genuinely cannot find the link for the brush i use for sketching & lines ive been looking forever. it's called thick watercolor and i got it for free but i just for the life of me have no idea where the download link went? it haunts me ;( for coloring tho ok genuinely forever i just used the default procreate round brush but of late ive been really into the smooth brush in this gouache set i think its lovely it is, true to name, SO smooth i love it ^_^ ok continued under the cut i dont want this to be too long or anything. i will yap tho! disclaimer that i am in no way god's expert on art or anything this is just my method in this world

to be honest i thumbnail half my shit in my fucking notes app of all places and its absolutely incomprehensible. ok the example im gonna use here will be my end of tit art bc i took a lot of screenshots in the middle of the process bc i was going thru a lot with the colors. so first off heres my thumbnail LMAOOOO

one day i'll just show you guys all the nonsense in my notes app thats only coherent to me. theres a lot of just like scribbly smooches i doodle whenever im down to be so honest. ANYWAY! ok here's the speedpaint forgive that i had to cut out the middle a little bit because um i draw a billion things on the same canvas all the time so i had like detours in the middle of this. and enjoy the soundtrack i have provided you (it is of course legendary danandphilbeats banger it hits different.)

(here's the absolute state of the full canvas. yeah sorry the detour in question was the sister daniel/father philip image. jordan laddersmp3 always yells at me for drawing so many things on the same canvas but what can i say i have a sickness. i have a lot that are far more cluttered than this)

umm but basically my usual order is slapping my thumbnail into procreate (not that i dont sketch in procreate sometimes but idk. smthn abt my notes app feels less serious so i conceptualize things more in there) and then drawing over it with my sketch/lineart brush- and frankly i dont really have the patience for lineart so mostly the things i draw are just cleaned-up sketches. never let anyone tell you that you have to do lineart. theyre lying. do whatever the fuck you want forever <3 here's the sketch and then just the cleaner kinda-lineart-kinda-sketch

and then i set the sketch layer to multiply- you can fiddle with other blend modes, sometimes linear burn matches the vibe better, or if youre the kinda person who Does like to do solid lineart obvs you can leave it normal- and slap down some like base colors on a layer under it for what i want the color scheme to be and like where i want the light a lil bit!

(the color scheme for this one was of course heavily referenced from this lovely picture from the wonderful nora, because it made me really emo and also had the perfect palette)

from there it's just a matter of me making a billion new layers to like refine the details & color (which also not that you cant paint all on the same layer but that scares me idk im always afraid to fuck up smthn i like so.) i definitely try to color like separate parts/people/objects on separate layers just in case. (though i always draw dnp on the same layer #donotseparate etc) oh i totally cheated dans shirt here by painting it on a layer and just turning that layer's opacity down til i was like yeah ok that looks transparent. work smarter not harder. also i do not name my layers and am a mess with them. that is okay.

and then i like to do a layer thats over the lineart where i can add little scribbles on top of the drawing- like little highlights and stuff, which is one of my favorite things to add to drawings :] (and also i put a clipping mask on the lineart to recolor it a little so i can lighten up areas of it and soften up the feel if needed!)

& then sometimes, like with this one, i like to add a veeeeryyyy slight chromatic aberration, just to add a bit of dimension, so i merged all the background color layers together separately from the body layers (with the exception of the confetti, which was on its own layer, & obvs my little highlights) and did likeeee i think a 2% chromatic aberration on the bodies and maybe 3% on the bg just to add a lil more color in there. i just like how it looks idk. i moved the center of it to dnp of course

(i also had a lil motion blur on the confetti ^_^!)

can i admit something actually i always get scared of leaving effects i cant undo like chromatic aberration or blurs of any kind so i literally always undo them after i save the image to post. im insane like that bc im always like what if i wanna edit the image later. u never know. etc etc. <- i have FEARS what can i say. but ummm yeagh thats basically it hope u enjoyed this look into Amelia's Artistic Process!

also sidebar i do not always rawdog color schemes slash use photo refs sometimes if a color scheme is just not coming together the way i want it to i'll make use of a gradient map turned up to whatever percent feels right in the moment (usually honestly like 10% max unless the vibes want more, like, its just veeery slight to unify the color scheme a bit). genuinely i do like the default procreate gradient maps- i like warm colors a lot so im fond of blaze and venice- tho ive also made a couple of my own ^_^ i didn't use one with this here cause i liked the colors but yeah if i hate the colors just that slight correction always helps make it feel more cohesive <3 also there's always the option of making a layer on top of everything that's just a solid color and setting the blend mode to “color” and fiddling with the opacity until you get what you like, which is what i did with the redraw of the selfie with sarah so it was more nicely orangey :] literally i just do whatever half the time! which is maybe not the best tutorial or anything but well! what can i say

and yeah that's it basically!! ty anon ly bb ^_<

[ajastu]

thinkin about...how much i appreciate the way that talking about death and grief was handled in veilguard. I've been thinking about this topic a lot for the last several years bcs of...many reasons. So it was nice to see.

I guess maybe the best way i could put it into words is...Veilguard did not present grief/loss as purely a tragedy, but also as a part of life? the worst happens, and it might feel world-ending, but you will still need to get up the next morning and eat breakfast, you know? the unrelenting flow of time can be both a comfort and a pain, but no matter what it is in the moment, the fact remains that life Does Not Stop. And we have to deal with that somehow.

i guess one important distinction here. There is a difference between personal loss and like. A massive tragedy. I'm mainly talking about personal loss here, because the two are kind of different topics (that the game addressed differently, also, but this isnt about that right now)

Before i talk about the like, companion questlines, a very brief aside to the environmental design. Admittedly, i havent rly gone looking around the maps for the making of this post specifically, so it won't be too involved, but like. Arlathan, man. Loss and tragedy is etched over every part of it. the ruins, yes, but also...the tree people. At first glance, it is a sunny, beautiful location. And it is! It is also full of little stories of loss and desperation and everyday lives cut unexpectedly short. And you see it the moment you stop and look at it. It is easy to run through without paying much mind to it, but once you notice it you can't really unsee it. And it is still so beautiful and sunny. It's something i liked about the first Dishonored game, too, the juxtaposition of the environment with the tragedy. The sky is blue and the sun is shining when Corvo escapes Coldridge. etc.

Grief will find you again on a nice summer's day. You know?

You can't untangle it from the joys of life. And that isn't necessarily a bad thing, it's just...neutral. That's just how it works.

One of the ways people deal with grief is through rituals to remember the dead. Funerals, tending of graves, etc etc. I think Emmrich's quests touch on that in a very nice way.

What i appreciate about that is, like...some people tend to have a fear and aversion to topics related to death. But these quests present it all in such a mundane manner. And you get the option to treat it as such, too. Of course, there is the option to freak out, also, but i'll admit i never checked that one out.

I think part of processing grief is accepting it. And it might mean many different things to many different people, but for me personally those funerary rituals, both big and small, become a first step. And it won't stop being painful, but life does not stop either. You have to choose to live it, eventually. But when you're afraid of taking that first step, well. The grief might just eat you alive.

Every creature's existence brings along with it the death of something else, whether intentional or not. Death is as much a part of life as breathing is, and so getting somewhat comfortable with the concept will help soften the blow whenever it comes. Because it will come.

Funny thing happened while i was playing the game for the first time. I got spoiled about Manfred dying, and when i found that out, i was like. OH NOOO not Manfred....im definitely 100% reviving him.

And then i actually got there, and...the game prepares you so beautifully for acceptance of personal loss. Of course, there is the bias of Ive Been Thinking About This Exact Thing For Years, but still. It felt more...right? to let Manfred go. It still took me a while to decide what to choose, but the fact remains that i had to really sit there and think about it, even though i thought i have already made up my mind.

And just...the whole Cyrian funeral bit. Oh my god. That was so beautifully done. Bellara's story in general was something i really appreciated, but that part was especially hard-hitting for me. Yes i cried. Life goes on.

I feel like it touches some more on the importance of processing the grief, so that you can remember those you lost with fondness and joy instead of just pain. Again, you can't untangle the two, but you can find balance, eventually. Facing that loss instead of running from it...it helps.

And this bit the game itself said in a way i do not think i need to paraphrase:

Death, loss, grief...all of that is difficult. It is also a part of life. And the thing is, life goes on!! I'm not saying that in a "get over it" way. I am saying that in a. ''Holy shit why are things happening'' way. I'm going through this paralyzing grief and life just keeps on happening. And you have to adapt to it, you know? You stop thinking about it constantly, in time. You find joy with the living. But grief will still find you on a nice sunny day...

I don't know. I'm probably not saying everything i wanted to, but it's kind of hard to keep my thoughts in order (plus, this post was a spontaneous decision n im too lazy to go thru the whole game for more examples).

But i guess the main thing i wanted to say is. I appreciate that the game gives you space to sit with it. To think about it. To come to terms with it, even, maybe. DATV did a wonderful job with handling this topic.

It is also tied into the main plot in ways that other people have talked about already. But yeah. The only thing i missed was the lack of a "let the bugs eat me" dialogue option when Emmrich asks Rook what they'd like to be done with their body after they die, but i guess we cant have it all dlkgjdfg

I'm just gonna conclude this with my all-time favorite screenshot from Disco Elysium

[theshiftingwitch]

i always feel like i have it…and then i dont😭

i found out about shifting during 2020 and safe to say i like to believe i changed my mindset since then. I LOVE your blog and i follow a few other shifting blogs that really make me believe all i need to do is decide.

ive been attempting to shift with this new mindset for about 3 months now. The closest ive gotten is this: https://www.tumblr.com/khyshifts/774678756101144576/my-last-shifting-attempt-calling-this-my-last?source=share i know that everyones shifts differently but as time went on i started to doubt that it was a shift. I guess i am other-thinking. It was the mindset “everyone else can shift to where they intend to wake up but i ‘shifted’ to a future memory in my dr and couldn’t even see anything”

im so disheartened and confused on how to intentionally wake up where i want to instead of to a fleeting memory in my dr

I always feel like I have it, and then I don't.

If you're using the law of assumption to shift realities, that's your problem right there. Thinking that you have it, that you have it all figured out, that you know exactly how to shift, and then the slightest inconvenience happens in the 3D reality and you're back to doubting yourself.

I read that post, and that was a successful shift. Just because you didn't shift exactly where you intended, does not mean that it wasn't successful. Do you have any idea how many shifters shifted to random realities, past present and future, realities they didn't even script, before they get to where they wanted to be? I personally shifted a dozen times to realities I didn't even script, realities I wasn't aware I even knew, before I landed in my fame dr. And I still shift randomly to places I don't want to be in. The point is it is very common. And it should not discourage you, in fact it should give you more motivation and hope because you are a successful shifter. And in time you will shift to your desired reality exactly at the point you want to shift to. It just takes practice.

My favorite affirmation when it comes to this kind of doubt, is to tell yourself that you know exactly how to shift. Shifting is a personal journey and it's different for every single person. No two shifters shift the same way. So just tell yourself that you know exactly how to shift and let your subconscious handle the rest. You will stumble upon a method or a way or an intention or an affirmation that's going to be perfect for how your own brain functions.

And of course, I know this is probably a broken record by now, but the most valuable advice I can give you is to never give up. Stay hopeful, find motivation wherever you can, and just keep going. Persist. Because you will shift. And the only way you won't shift is if you stop trying. And what is a couple of months or years in the grand scheme of things when you can be shifting for the rest of eternity? Do not give up no matter what.

Happy shifting ❤️

[soulsilvers]

bsky copypasting but i dont think people are very aware nor care of how much artists who draw their yaoi boys or w/e fatter and/or trans in ways that are not poisoned by respectability politics really do get excluded from shipper circles. sure it may be all done silently, but my feelings of it linger deep inside forever.

its been all ive known so im just numb now. worry not though those who do stick around; no one can ever stop me from doing what i do and i am endlessly proud of my work. but id be lying if i didnt say posting things is quite a void sometimes.

[poobsdiscourse]

I will be speaking about consent, conabuse, and communication

"ive come to understand it was my now friend @/cannibalcvnt warning me"

So, first point. If you had messages bringing this up, you should've addressed it with Nikolai, not ignored it. He could've admitted it, explained it and it would've been over. Communication is a big thing in relationships. Especially with paraphilias involved! Consent and communication go hand and hand. An animal, can not give verbal consent, thus they cant communicate they want something.

"who’s sixteen years old, and in my opinion, more emotionally susceptible to manipulation. nikolai had aleks location"

Yes, younger people can be manipulated easier, I agree! But in all the screenshots shown, it was both Nikolai and Alek fighting. This is not manipulation. We see both parties throwing insults. What I'd like to comment on, is how we see Alek saying he's planning to kill himself. Seeing as though Nikolai knows the forest Alek plans to do it in, we can tell it's been talked about more than once. In the screenshots, it feels as if Alek is using his suicidal actions to guilt Nikolai. Which, is a form of a manipulation in itself. Now, I understand that telling someone goodbye is not guilting them, but Alek does not just say goodbye, he begins to blame Nikolai and the breakup.

"i’d like to preface that alek, myself, and soldat are all ramcoa complex did systems, who are programmed/have programmed alters, he used this heavily against alek, he used it against soldat, who he claims consented to it."

I am also a programmed system. If abuse was consented to, the other party believes that it's okay. If I consent to something, I will have to personally take back that consent if I no longer wish for it to happen. Conabuse is a big part of the radqueer community, which you yourself have been in, judging by this screenshot you posted.

[start screenshot]

[end screenshot]

Upon saying cisharmful, we can guess that you yourself have harmed people. With or without consent is none of my business as you havent stated. But with consent, it implies conabuse. So it's clear you have the concept down.

Conabuse is also in kink communities, but thats not what we're focused on.

We're never shown either party talking about boundaries or conabuse. We're only shown Nikolai being hostile, sometimes the other person's text being cut out of the screenshot. If conabuse was never talked about, that's a different story.

But if Nikolai claims that there was consent, I think it'd be best to show where someone denies consenting or tells Nikolai they don't consent.

"if you’re coming from his page YES i was manipulating him last night, YES i was lying to him, and yes i do stalk him,"

This can be counted as abuse. So if Nikolai didn't consent, you're just as bad for abusing him. Being abused does not give you the right to abuse others.

up early in the morning with this, but as the little over 80 something of you guys know, my name is deimos. im seventeen and i’m a concept writer, a reblogger, and am currently new to transid coining and things of that such.

yesterday i was informed about my ex, Nikolai/Lucas, known as @sacrificalhandler/@traumaarchivo/@sermilitares talking about me. obviously i went to read it and i was understandably pissed, i hate people making up lies about me, and i damn sure wasn’t about to let some pervert lie on me to some gullible people on tumblr LOL. a majority of you saw the post made after but had asked me for the full story, here this is.

i met him little over two weeks ago in a partner system server of my own making, he joined, we talked, we dated. there were multiple instances when he was overly aggressive with me under the guise of it being some mental health problem he had. then came when i joined tumblr with him, i got an anonymous messages saying he was a liar and cheater, obviously im confused. ive come to understand it was my now friend @cannibalcvnt warning me, in my own mind though, i ignored it, and sent a friend of mine to talk to him using the @ he sent me, my friend told me he was talking nothing important, so i assumed it was a troll and moved on.

we broke up because i found out he was cheating on me with alek / @cannibalcvnt, who’s sixteen years old, and in my opinion, more emotionally susceptible to manipulation. nikolai had aleks location ( mine as well, but no threat was there as he was halfway across the world ), his school email, nudes he had forced alek to send him, and more. obviously i was disgusted with this, and alek was scared of him. it took a few days of talking back and forth but by the end of it both alek and i had him blocked. during this time as i was getting information on him i could contact the authorities as well as make a cyber tip about him, i got in touch with someone he knew irl, so said he tried to stab his ex and then raped them. currently this is an allegation, but considering how he is i wouldn’t put it past him.

days went by and i personally watched in real time as he targeted @derwiintersoldat.

i’d like to preface that alek, myself, and soldat are all ramcoa complex did systems, who are programmed/have programmed alters, he used this heavily against alek, he used it against soldat, who he claims consented to it, but he hasn’t brought forward any substantial proof, and soldat a headmate steven would like it to be known soldat was manic and going through an episode, therefore this was under the guise of concent by someone who was already laying their affection on them heavy, which nikolai is known to do.

you all already know how this story with soldat and nikolai ended so i wont push it further, he was in a “conabuse” relationship but there was no consent, so it was just abusive. he made a post saying that both me and alek had agreed to a similar relationship, we didn’t. from what i understand alek met him in a sourcemates server and they started off as friends before nikolai preyed on them ( and this happened little over a month ago, he has no idea how to take a break between these crimes i guess ) and ive already said that our relationship was purely romantic until towards the end our winter soldier introject, sengphet, started dating their rumlow introject.

i think it’s disgusting, i think it’s sick. if you’re coming from his page YES i was manipulating him last night, YES i was lying to him, and yes i do stalk him, he’s talking about people being posers but can’t take a few extra eyes on him and he lost his already shriveled mind, practice what you fucking preach. i wanted a fucking laugh and more evidence so i could make this post, lmao. never in my seventeen years would i want to be friends with a fucking loser like that.

if this guy is your follower/mutual, do yourself a favor and block him because the tl:dr is —

nikolai is a pro contact pedophile who got sexual with a 16 year old at his big age of 19, talks to minors constantly under the guise of being “friends,” lies, abuses programmed people to get himself off, and he’s running all around Europe to evade the authorities, because he’s wrong, and he knows it.

ALL screenshots and such will be my next post, this is already long as hell.

[bcbryar]

I don't know what kinda people are in my reach anymore so. Hey. Tubbo and Magna. Big dog, little guy. Yeah?

[daisybell-on-a-carousel]

Being someone who read Under The Red Hood and came out with the firm belief that, for Jason, it's not about killing Joker, it's about Jason wanting proof Batman would choose him over the Joker (bc shelia chose the joker). Makes seeing any other media where it's all about just wanting the Joker dead is a teeny bit frustrating. to be honest

Jason could've killed the Joker himself, really, really easily. Jason kidnaps the Joker before the confrontation. I can't open my comic for a reference right now, but it felt like he had the Joker for quite a bit before the confrontation. He had him. He beat him up with a crowbar. He had every single opportunity to kill the Joker himself, but he didn't because that wasn't his goal. Make no mistake, he did plan for the Joker to be dead by the end of it, but do you see what im trying to say here

Edit: If I knew this post was gonna get 1000+ notes I would've tried to word it better or something, this was a rant I made on the way to the grocery store 😭

It's not about making Batman kill either. When Batman says he won't kill, Jason adjusts and goes, 'Let ME kill the Joker or kill me to stop me' instead. The test is all about Batman choosing him. The whole final confrontation is Jason's first death again. The parent, The Joker, and the explosives. It even ends with Jason unable to move as a bomb goes off right next to him again because the parent didn't choose Jason. And instead tried finding an option that'd benefit them and (consequencely) letting the Joker walk, again, lol, lmao <-in agony

[heartorbit]

searching for a star that's still unknown to anyone!

[xxplastic-cubexx]

graph

bonus:

[suntails]

stalemate

[katabay]

earlier this year I started writing a comic about the siege perilous-grail quest situation after finally finishing the didot perceval, and it started circling around kay and perceval. kay as gatekeeper, taboo anxiety vs chivalry, and perceval not doing things "correctly," arthur's enduring affection for kay. that general area. also the horror of the grail quest itself.

this is comic is part of that narrative arc, so with THAT in mind: this is an abridged scene of a longer arc revolving around kay associating camelot with a cage, perceval's associations with jewelry and knighthood and the color red, and arthur's relationship with kay.

[some other scene context: perceval has injured his hand and can't participate in the tournaments, so he's craving some kind of fight. kay is disinterested in replying to this challenge, but he's not above reminding perceval of their first meeting. it's just mean enough in a weird-intimate kind of way that perceval's like, ok so we're doing the antagonistic version of court romance rituals. he picks up hunting because kay can't leave the castle.]

on the subtext of jewelry:

Clothes Make the Man: Parzival Dressed and Undressed, M.D. Amey

on the topic of kay, gatekeeping, and taboo anxiety:

Cei and the Arthurian Legend, Linda Gowans

the whole Red Knight/Perceval Shows Up In A Dead Man's Suit Of Armor transgression-situation (which kay references through red jewelry) mentioned is told in both de Troye's and Wolfram's Perceval narratives :)

anyway! to close out all this out: the transgressions. incredible! what is camelot but a bunch of transgressions stacked on top of each other tbh.

[yrsonpurpose]

"How is a man to get anything done knowing Alex Claremont-Diaz is out there on the loose? I am driven to distraction."

[cerubean]

alice spencer-kim's second home