#can i even post this. that was the most ship brained ramble i've ever been on

[sskk-manifesto]

What a good episode. Maaaaaan

[normalenjoyer-png]

i've never understood like. shipping discourse in the sense of "people in fandom are too ship-brained" until smiling friends (and talking to a friend about their fandom which has the same problem). my brother in christ he would not say that

[mareenavee]

For choose violence asks: 12 (easy), 17 or 18 (my favorite questions in the list), 22

PARA!!! Flapping about over here and cawing, are we? I appreciate it :D Let's do this!!! And give you something to read over coffee.

From this sardonic ask game right here.

12. The unpopular character that you actually like and why more people should like them

You want me to talk more about Athis? Well yes, I shall oblige.

I have a hard time judging who is and isn't popular. I just like who I like and will write fanfiction around them LOL simple as that.

But Athis, the bean, does lack quite a bit of fanfiction in his tag and he needs more attention so I'll yell about him some more.

I like how you can ask him his story, even if it's...admittedly not much. AND then if you ask him to repeat himself he gets affronted and sarcastic really fast:

What does it mean to be a Companion? The second time asking: "To me, it means not having to answer foolish questions a second time."

Bean. <3 As good an answer as any especially since most LDBs are gonna be engaging in Riekling Behavior and aren't really worth talking to on a good day LOL. Even as Harbinger.

This little factioid off the wiki:

Although his default gear is governed by the Light Armor skill, Athis is actually more proficient in heavy armor.

So it appears he's that kind of person who is barely wearing any clothing at all for no discernable practical reason. In fact is the opposite of practical if one were to consider the effectiveness of said armor and his specific skill set. So... no reason at all except to be barely wearing any clothing at all. And that does take a specific kind of person, doesn't it? LOL

(I mean I don't write him this bold, honestly because it's a little tiny bit annoying that most of the warriors in the Companions aren't very practical warriors in this manner. But it is a thing. It's a "trait" Bethesda gave him.)

And another tidbit!

You bring his butt with you over to Solstheim or on the Barenziah's crown quest and get too close to that side of the map near Morrowind? The boy gets antsy.

Here:

"Are you thinking you're better than me? I crawled west out of the wasteland, so show some respect." "I avoid going to Eastmarch if I can. Something in the air... I think it's just too close to the border."

I fully intend to twist all of this out of shape and make something really cool of his backstory. I've already hinted at some of it in a few posts here, but yeah. Bethesda gave me a crumb and I will run with it. (:

So yes ATHIS. (Yeah that turned into a ramble. I wonder how that happened. Hm.)

17. there should be more of this type of fic/art

For art specifically!! Please more alchemy ingredients just tossed on a canvas. I love plants, love drawing them but I am not the kind of artist who produces work at a very fast rate and I would have a whole blog of just different depictions of Skyrim alchemy ingredients and plants if enough content existed. I love it so very much.

Fic? More friendship fics for sure. Not everything has to be shippy. (Aro brain taking the wheel again.) If it is gonna be somewhat about love, though, please definitely show me as much possible diversity in the different, nuanced types of love, romantic and otherwise or different iterations of romantic relationships. Knock me off my feet with the coolest possible aro pairing I've ever seen. ( :> ) Make me feel seen with your words, people. Make yourself feel seen in your work, because it's yours. It doesn't need to be a shippy fic if what calls to you is something more or something else.

That said, I am very fond of certain pairings and can be persuaded to like ships. BUT more nuance is always very, very needed and good.

18. it's absolutely criminal that the fandom has been sleeping on...

OOOh this one again yesss.

Oh. REBUILDING!!! I want fic where we're seeing things being fixed, and settlements recovering. I understand that the theme of the world is decay, really and the dragons are about to [redacted] up the entire situation. BUT. But. It doesn't make sense that things have stagnated for decades or centuries... there should have been some repair to Winterhold. There should have been some kind of changes made to the structure of cities in Vvardenfell, some rebuilding. I think the fandom could do some really cool redesigning and bring forward a ton of awesome OC backstories set in situations of rebuilding like this. I know some mods fix these things, but like...to really dig into what it means for people and why they may be in Skyrim due to these efforts or being displaced due to incorrect handling of said efforts and/or succumbing to more danger and disaster over the years? SO much to work with. I'll be touching on this with Athis things in future. (:

22. your favorite part of canon that everyone else ignores

This is a fancy way to ask question 1 again (:

But no there's a lot that can be ignored in canon. And another favorite is that Neloth was alive in Morrowind and is presumed to use and know all those cool spells you can craft.

He should know these things in Skyrim, too, but doesn't. Some silliness about the wiki infers some magic is Illegal but I think Neloth would not give a single shit if it was illegal or not.

So why do these spells no longer surface? (aside from game engine limitations?) Especially when Neloth fights?

I don't know if people ignore this in their fics but I sure don't. I do love my ✨Weird Magic Shit.✨ And crafting spells seems the weirdest and absolutely something that would be frequently and illicitly going on in Tel Mithryn if certain magic is illegal.

It existed and some characters were around when it was normal magic useage and are still around in Skyrim LOL so.... (: Yes. How much weirder magic shit used to be in older games. I feel it's ignored not purposefully...but because not everyone has played the older games. And that's okay too. But I remember and I will take canon and run wild with it.

Thank you for these, Para!!!! AUGH <3 🫂💖

[quitefair]

Fanfiction Writer Questions!

Was tagged by the very lovely @optiwashere some time ago, and I've only just had the chance to sit down and take a crack at this!

Not gonna tag anybody, but if you read this and want to do it, consider yourself tagged!

(Also this is talking about a lot of fics that I've written but not published because well... that's just how it's been lmao...

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

13 at the moment. I’ve deleted a few things that I’m not entirely proud of/works that I’m planning on rewriting and improving upon.

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

26,031 (my WIP folder has almost 100k words, if we want any comparison)

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Mainly Dragon Age! Although AO3 is misleading… I’ve only got 7 fics on there for Dragon Age. But these don’t include the ones I’ve deleted and also the literal hundreds of WIP documents in my writing folder. It’s become quite a problem. I’ve also been writing for Baldur’s Gate 3 a bit more recently, but those fics are on hold because of lack of time/motivation/the fact I’ve not finished the game yet and want to do my research and understand characterisation and plot better.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

1. a lesson in grief (T-rated, Vi/Caitlyn from Arcane) 2. slip away (G-rated Gen-fic from Hades 2020) 3. Names (G-rated Fenris/Female Hawke from Dragon Age) 4. Anxious Grief (T-rated, Cassandra Pentaghast/Male Cadash from Dragon Age) 5. Fear and Forgiveness (G-rated, Dorian Pavus/Male Adaar from Dragon Age)

5. Do you respond to comments?

I try to! Every single comment I get is like fuel to my brain so I love and appreciate each one!

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I think I did toy around with a fic where I left Hawke in the Fade. The process of getting into Fenris’ headspace during that was way too painful for me to continue.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Most of my fics tend towards happy endings, even if they pack a lot of angst in the body of em. Of the ones I’ve got published, I’d say Names.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I haven’t, but then again I post so rarely and sporadically so people forget I even exist huhu.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

… Yes… (and that’s all im gonna say)

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

I’ve not written crossovers per se, I’m more of an AU kinda guy. Though there’s definitely an ancient story I wrote back when I was like 13 that had like, every single bit of media I’d ever loved merged into one, and the excuse was that I’d just read His Dark Materials and wanted my own universe where everything I loved existed at once. COMPLETELY self-indulgent shit.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not as far as I know…

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope! At least not that I know of.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Again no… I’ve not done a lot of stuff huhu!

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

It’s the one and only. The girls that live rent free in my head. The girls that deserve everything. (It’s Josephine Montilyet/my Inquisitor from Dragon Age Inquisition)

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

It’s the Dragon Age Inquisition rewrite I’ve been complaining about for the longest time. It’s become the pet project I keep poking at whenever I have the energy to. All my Tashak/Josephine fics are set within this, and honestly at this point, instead of making one large fic, I might as well just post the disjointed chapters separately even if they don’t make sense. I’ve got WIPs in the folder from 2016. It’s out of control.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I’d like to think I’m good at descriptive writing, at drawing the reader into the scene and pulling them along with the story.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I’m so bad at dialogue it’s not even funny. Also, my writing can tend towards too much rambling – I guess that’s just because it’s the way my brain works.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

The only other language I’m fluent in is Malay, and I really can’t imagine myself writing in that unless in very specific circumstances.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Dang, I think it was probably for BIONICLE. Way back when I was like, in secondary school.

20. Favorite fic you've written?

Published? Names. There’s stuff in there I still feel jealous of, even today. Unpublished – a bunch of stuff for Aforementioned Dragon Age Rewrite. I should really post stuff from there at some point LMAO…

[thestobingirlie]

Ohhhh my god thank u for saying what ive been thinking for so long about ronance and also how steve would feel about it every word so true....

1. Even if she did have any feelings for nancy WHAT kind of best friend would get with the first person their bestie had ever fallen in love with who fucked up their heart to the extent that it was still impacting them years later

2. WHY would robin see nancy as a potential good romantic partner after hearing about what she acted like from steve...like i love nancy but she needs to spend some time single and also in therapy before shes ready to be with someone actually i think

3. Also just people trying to point to evidence of vibes between them in the show canon itself I always see all their interactions as robin being intimidated by nancy and nancy actually being kinda rude to robin until she does/says something helpful???

4. On the side of steve's reaction imo he would be completely justified in freaking out - both due to him feeling betrayed by robin and also probably worries about her getting her heart broken?? Especially because in a lot of the get together fics i've scrolled past it seems like a lot of the plots involve robin actively lying to and hiding her feelings and subsequent actions from steve? Also just the general characterisation of steve in these kind of fics as a dumb little puppy that robin and nancy laugh at together

Sorry for long ask this has been building up for quite some time in my brain and seeing your opinion just brought it all bubbling out lol.....could probably get death threats if i talked about this to the wrong fan like at a certain point ppl just need to chill (i say at the end of this massive ask ahaha)

thank you, i will always be willing to shit talk ships i don’t like lmao

anyway. i’ll go through point by point!

1- totally agree, like come one. bro code. no dating your best friends ex, especially when it ended with your best friend getting his heart broken. you’d just have to be the worst friend and least empathetic person in existence.

2- yeah, considering we see robin and steve talk a lot about their love lives, we can assume she knows most of what went down between them, so i honestly can’t imagine robin being able to see nancy in that way. and i totally agree! nancy needs to be single for a while before diving into yet another relationship. honestly my dream ending for nancy is her being single and working through her trauma.

3- i also can’t really see it in the show. like most of their scenes nancy just looks kinda pissed of at robin, and robin is trying desperately to figure out where she went wrong. it just doesn’t seem like a good dynamic.

4- and yeah, i think steve would react badly for two reasons. the first is him feeling betrayed by robin, that robin would date nancy when she was his first love and his heart was so badly broken, we’re still seeing it effect him. and the second is that he would be worried for robin. he knows robin is anxious about how she rambles and acts, and he knows nancy, and i think he would know that nancy wouldn’t have much patience for it. and i do think that he would be worried about robin getting her best broken too. and i hate any fics where the basis is people make fun of steve together, and steve’s best friend and his ex that broke his heart teaming up to call him an idiot would honestly drive me into a frothing at the mouth rage, which is why i don’t read those fics! lol

never apologise for a long ask! they’re always fun to answer, and yeah, there are definitely ships that people want everyone to like. i remember i made this post that was vaguely critical of jancy, and someone sent me this long ask in all caps locks about why i was wrong, it was pretty funny tbh

[loveotomization]

Had a dream last night, before my early waking insomnia kicked in. Combine this with recovering from a cold and possibly having a fever, my brain produced Thoughts.

mild n/s/f/w fandom rambling under cut

I want to be That Guy (tm) and write more kink fic....

It's hard, I guess, because most of the the things I like don't really have names or tags. But I want to be truer to myself, and what I like, and the kind of things I would like to read.

One is embarrassing (to me), because it's gross (in a gore way, not a moral judgement way) so you'll just have to know when you see it if I ever write and post it :')

Another is.... magically and non-fatally reaching into someone's chest to play with their organs... Like Reo magically pulling Mabu's heart out in Sarazanmai. I wrote it once with ake/kita here. I can't believe that was back in '17 because I honestly thought I just posted it in like 2020. I want to do more with the concept though, even if it isn't a popular thing to be into. Wish it had a name :')

The other is psychic pain-sharing. If you've ever seen the anime Kiznaiver, basically that but with less teen soap opera crap and forced het ships, and more emotional suffering.

I will probably take all of this out on ake/kita. (with love, of course)

I've been working on an Omori fic on and off for a while, because the giant gaping whole where Sweetheart's organ's should be is very hot :') So look forward to that. It's very off-putting I can assure you. (this is how I sell people on things)

[harpywritesfic]

Look at me, a wants-to-write-but-blocks-themselves-because-the-first-letter-I-type-down-has-to-be-perfect-fanfic writer.

I've been hoarding various prompt lists like whumptober and fluffbruary. I even snatched myself one of those ironstrange bingo cards in hopes I could fill one of prompts in a year. But now half of the year is over and my card still empty.

I feel like a failure 😞

ah, you've come to the right place. abandon your perfectionism, all ye who enter here. this is a land of unedited drafts, fics written in a haze of hyperfixation, caffeine highs and/or mental breakdowns. i've mastered the art of "good enough".

remember- writing is messy! the process is messy, and the product can be messy too. in a sense nothing people write is ever truly 'finished'- there's always room for improvement. that's how art works, in my humble opinion. try to find enjoyment in the process, not the product. as the artist, your own work will always seem imperfect. but that doesn't make it any less valuable.

it might help to know how i write most of my fics. maybe my method isn't your style, but i'll walk you through it anyway since it might help.

sit down to write. or write standing up. where isn't important. what matters most is you've got an idea or a prompt or an anything that makes you want to write.

word barf. this is the very rough draft phase. throw out everything you know you want to have happen into the doc. try not to read over what you're putting down (the messiness of it all can be daunting). mine often are made up of unfinished sentences, half-baked scene ideas, 'they do x and then y", mixed with some finished portions. if you get stuck, you can always come back, and you'll already have a little something on the page :)

splice and dice. this is where i put my scenes in their order (if they weren't already, it rly depends on what you're writing. sometimes it's linear, sometimes it's not). biggest thing i use this phase for is working out where i need transitions between scenes, where i need to expand my "x then y" bits into writing, and and where i can just put a empty line with a "-" in the center to indicate a new scene.

flesh it out. i get stuck here a lot. this is the step where you weave your scenes together, write your dialogue, fill in your placeholders. it's okay to just skip parts and come back to them. some parts, if they're really giving you trouble, can just be removed entirely. you're the writer- it's up to you. choose your battles.

(optional) editing. sometimes i just don't even bother, especially if i know i'll hate reading what i've written (if this happens to you, it's best to skip the editing! a few mistakes are no big deal. i find it easier to just throw it to the wolves (readers), who are usually very nice and rarely point out mistakes. they're not picky). sometimes editing is just a quick pass for typos. but you can also get into it a little more, really go elbow-deep, and edit to improve things like flow, pacing, tone, and other boring stuff. totally unnecessary, though. if you hate this step? skip it.

it took me maybe a year to feel comfortable enough to post something i'd written. and it's okay, too, if you don't feel comfortable posting anything. you can never post it. or you can do it anyway. sometimes i say to myself, "i want to read more of this specific ship/trope/situation/dynamic/whatever" and i make it myself. they say to write what you want to read, and that's even more true for fanfic. there are people out there who want to read the same things as you. sometimes you gotta look your fear in the eyes, quote Freddie Mercury and say, "I'll fucking do it, darling."

having said that, this might be most important- it's okay if you never post anything you write. fanfic is something we do for fun- there is no failure. the most important thing is to enjoy yourself. there doesn't have to be any finished product- just enjoy the process.

i hope this wasn't too ramble-y or anything. my brain works in strange ways, so this might be totally unhelpful. who knows! but i'll post it anyway, in case it is.

[hislittleraincloud]

i know ur not ok, i wont ask if ur ok, but i hope ur ok :)

You're right though. Haven't been okay in a while.

Dunno what it could be, maybe it's that I've been dragging my feet with 8 because God, I hate this part of the story (not that my own chapter isn't already mostly written for its third part), or if it's the whole Junkie Cat Lady thing wearing me down (I had to drag in two pieces of her most characteristic furniture back into my cramped space: a mirror box end table and a leopard print Ottoman that the cats used to sleep on whenever I catsat them). Or, the fact that I've got nothing left besides my dogs and two are hella old and can just keel over at any given moment, given their age (17+). Yeah, my parents are still around but I think my mother's getting some sort of dementia (I can tell by talking to her), but that's what you get for neglecting the intellectual part of your brain in favor of being a nasty, narcissistic, manipulative cunt your whole life. Figures that would be her goddamn fate...to start to actually forget the shitty things she did to me when I was growing up.

Creatively, I've been writing other stupid crap aside from 8 and Jairo, things that could turn into mini-fic, but I dunno. Re: 8, it's like the more I watch this show, the more the glaring issues with the storyline (and this is barring ALL romantic shipping) POP out at me, nag the fuck out of me and just...ugh. I know, I've already fixed a couple of those throughout my published chapters (like Rowan's disappearing glasses), but looking at it from an objective standpoint, it's just...garbage storytelling with a lot of inconsistencies held together by the cute star of the show. Re: Jairo, I'm once again closer to publishing another Jairo than I am 8, but I just haven't had the energy.

I mentioned the other day that I had gotten new comments/praise for Under Virgin Circumstances over at AO3. And then last night, I had placed my phone into yanno, I had a story about something weird happening but I felt like I was rambling, so the short of that next thing was: Somehow, the Drive app that holds all of my Jairo documents was up and running on this phone even though I hadn't opened it in a couple of weeks.

I'm taking both of those as signs to go back to Benson for a little while. I'm not going to rush through something I care about just because of impatiences (not just the couple of fans it has, but my own...I get very impatient and frustrated with myself, it's disabling), but I really would like to publish something.

That's where I am, I guess. There, and also wanting to create more physical art. I could hardly afford it (finances have been strained ever since Cat Lady fiasco) but I got some cheap art supplies/paint and pencils for my birthday and have some ideas of what I'd like to be doing.

But I also got other needs and a brown furball that never leaves my side these days. I'm still really irritated when I think of that nurse's shitty joke...this little thing is my baby/kiddo. She acts like one. She chatters with me like a toddler when we're out on walks. (One time, she actually said what sounded like "Hello!" to some lady who said "Hi there, cutie!" on the lake and it creeped me out... I've never taught her to speak or anything. She has a weird voice...sounds like a monkey at times.) So, she's getting more of my time too, since I'm now lamenting that I didn't have enough time with her when she was tiny (the time went by SO FAST, she started growing out her limbs in barely two months 😭).

I guess I oughta keep on...keepin' on. I feel like Cairo keeps calling out to me, since all I've been seeing on my fyp has been HOD stuff, then all of a sudden there was that post I just reblogged on there. I should call her. 🫠

Anyway. Thanks for wonderin'. 💕✨

[tempural]

I have read Omoulo's "R U AN ARTIST" page, and it's really turned my perspective around. I don't want my art's value to rely on people's attention, but at the same time, I feel this need to share it. I can't tell if this need is born from ego, or if it's a natural wish of sharing that humans have. Thing is, I end up making things so that other people see it, and that makes me feel conflicted. Have you ever felt something similar?

Yeah, I want to share my art too. That's why I'm still posting here right? I made a 4am thread about how my followers and "engagement" have fallen the more I jump around niche subjects, and I still stand by my 4am thread!

Get ready for some old man rambles.

It is very natural to want attention. I want attention. We all like ass pats. But why?

How many people do you want that attention from?

Are you willing to deal with the fact that most internet attention is negative and will affect your mental health?

Is attention measured by numbers like likes, kudos, retweets?

Do you want attention for ego reasons?

To relieve loneliness?

Do you need to make money off your art and thus want attention?

Does random, unfocused social media attention even lead to making money off art?

I've found that I'm much more satisfied by even just a short comment rather than numbers. That's why I shoot all my ideas by my best friend/wife, he gives me the best sort of attention I need: engaged analysis of both our art and how we can weave our art together! Not just my wife, but having actual discussions and satisfying conversations with friends (that vaunted community that we all search for...) fulfills my sims attention need in a more nutritious way than waiting for numbers. I don't have to post everything I draw or think or write online because I have an incredible, amazing, sexy IRL friend that I can mash my brain juices with.

I'm very lucky that I've been able to make the art I want (rather than chasing trends and fandoms(because people keep hounding me whenever I do anything fan related LMAO I’ve been forced to just keep to myself)) and have people support me emotionally and financially. Even if I don't get more than like 5 notes on tumblr on a piece I worked 20 hours on, I'm getting the fulfillment I need to keep going and buy groceries.

Finding people you vibe with is half the battle. It's very hard to find people who engage in art the same way you do. I'm too boringly vanilla for the eXXXtreEEME DEAD DOVE PROBLEMATIC crowd, and I'm too fucked up for the "FREAKS DNI IF YOU SHIP ABUSE" crowd. But hey, if you put out the emotions they will come. Doesn't matter to me if it's one person or 5 people. I'm glad if a conversation can be sparked.

I highly recommend browser extensions that block numbers on social media. Like Calm Twitter. I feel much better online now that I don't see likes, retweets, followers, and so on on my art and others. The numbers make you compare yourself to others, and that breeds weird feelings. I like to be able to talk to people and look at art without the numbers game distracting me.

[dynyamight]

I've seen a lot of people do it, so if you are up for it~ Ship your moots!

FINALLY. THE AWAITED LIST OF MOOTS IS COMPLETE. sorry this took forever anon!!

now, this is going to be long & i will try not to overexplain my ship pairings. did i take time to think about each paring? yes. but, will they be serious? no. they are dumb & silly.

let the crack pairings begin <3!!

@dekusneakers x BAKUGOU & TODOROKI now you would think? sneakers in a throuple? how come? mmm simple. i couldn’t choose one for her so she gets both. the more the merrier. besides, she deserves love from both sides, kisses on both cheeks. one begrudgingly smooch & one icy kith. as a deku kin, she’s completely satisfied. you’re welcome

@izusun x AIZAWA & ORCA similarly, i can’t have my bestie here with just ONE babe. so, i thought why don’t we get a fatherly figure & a dad bod to give her all the love she needs. so yes, bestie, you two deserves hugs at both sides of you. a twiggy one & a muscly one. the sun needs some shade, & that shade is these men.

@midnightpirates x SUKUNA he’s a mass murderer !! you can’t— oh, but i can. you see, yanna here hates mahito & guess who was the one to fuck up his shit. ah, that’s right, it was sukuna. two mahito an/tis sitting in a tree <3 it’s the perfect match made in hell.

@goth-himbo-dabi x DOCTOR WHO once again, people might wonder: why not dabi? my answer? it’s because my bby here finds the twiggy men attractive. i know, bummer. & you can’t get any twiggy-er than david tennant & matt smith. but which doctor? all of them.

@minisheku x KAMINARI i see you simp for his dunce face. & honestly, who wouldn’t?? also, i originally put sheepku,, but that’s ,, a bit weird. but, here’s the solution. you OWN a sheepku, with kaminari. ah yes, a modern day family unit. & he can entertain you, as well as be a source of electricity for your drawing tablet !! resources !!

@oyavaski x EN you said he was hot literally in your tags earlier in a reblog. so, i am simply gifting you water to quench your thirst. may you two meet in afo, & fall in love in the subconscious of deku’s mind. will deku feel awks? yeah. but like pfft, he’s so whipped for bkg, he’ll forget you two chilling in the corner of his thoughts.

@okworstie x GOJO & WATARI i never have to look up the gojo tag, like ever. because you’re always plastering his face all over my timeline. & yes, this is a good thing. but, the same applies to watari. i have never even seen bakudiez, or whatever it’s called, but apparently he’s aro, & there’s a moth man, & tape hits post limit thursday’s? yeah just keep both, mimi.

@rrandomtthings x AN/TI as one of fellow loyal, amazing bkdks, i think it’s only fitting that you find true love with a bkdk an/ti. create the banti we seek in our community. the enemies to lovers trope is in your blood, written in your deku genes. so, i dedicate the banti movement with this small offering of a ship. may you find diamonds on the minecraft server & build a diamond cabin.

@believeyourgalaxy x ITADORI you two are such cinnamon rolls !!!! super friendly. super kind. super relatable. & together, you guys can pin over megumi. maybe hopefully, sam can help itadori with his low iq brain to finally get together with megumi. because damn, sam can be like “this is my boyfriend, itadori. & this is itadori’s boyfriend, megumi.”

@wrensknight x SHIRAKUMO i didn’t even know it was oboro birthday, until you not only made a public post about to, but made art for him. cloud boy needs that partner to respect & cherish him entirely. & you just treat him so right?? draw him so good?? i hope you can go cloud watching & then later, ride the clouds with him. till death do you guys uh,, you know,,

@b1m0 x MIDORIYA you can't stand when he gets injured, let alone reckless & trying to save the world, when he should literally be saving his own ass. but, that just means you care about him DEEPLY. plus, you both are wholesome people. obviously two cinnamon rolls make a whole bakery !! & who doesn't want a bakery ?? i sure do! wehjw idk why i brought the point here, but just know you two make sense.

@mysterionrising x RENGOKU & VIGILANTE DEKU it’s that enemies to lovers trope once again !! for someone who wrote him off as annoying the first seconds she met him, kenny sure flipped over to the stan side. ever since then, i can only see kenny when i see rengoku. but, you know who else reminds me of kenny. vigilante deku. it’s super fruity that you have an entire bomb playlist for him. so keep him too !!

@kamishima x KIRISHIMA you are the biggest kiri simp i have ever met. you basically ship kiri with anyone who makes him happy. though, you do have a lot of ships, but with kiri it’s different. & so, i was thinking ‘mmm, if bug ships kiri with so many people?? shouldn’t she ship him with HERSELF?’ boom. suddenly both kiri & bug are happy, with a lovely home. my work here is done.

@ckatsudon x LAW LIET did i dig through your blog. why yes. & you know what i found? reblogs & tags dedicated to L. he’s best boy. he’s precious. he deserves a better end. an end with you. mmhmm !! because if we rewrote death note, where you were light, i think L & light could have been canon. & that also would make you happy. & the rest of the entire world

@drfox-kinnie x UNIKITTY i don’t even know the show, let alone who unikitty is exactly. but, you reblogged a banner, confirming your love for unikitty. & so, i am of course doing you a big favor !! she’s bubbly, friendly, & passionate just like you !! & bestie, while i may not know nothing about her, i know you love her. so, maybe you two platonically have a wonderful time, adventuring with the other wholesome characters !! also,, is she big enough to travel on? if so, look i got you a cat car!!

@midorree x MINACHAKO i ship you with another ship. why? because i can. besides, you are like my moot who is genuinely a head leader of the minachako ship on my timeline, & you have steadily been converting me?? but, i also noticed that mina AND uraraka have stolen your heart, & you have yet to fight them for it back. i hope you three can go into a brawl & see who can grab each other’s hands fastest.

@kiribakuxkacchakolover x HATSUME YOU HAVE IT AS YOUR TITLE HEADER. like you are literally having a billboard that calls mei your cutie patootie. &, you ask, & you shall receive. i hope you two can be the dorkiest nerds together, & ramble for eons & eons. i hope i’m invited to the transformer wedding you two will have <,3

@balaroo x MIRUKO like before, you too have your interest out in the open in your title header. but, you see, miruko is a total babe, with confidence & ego & with this stride that makes even the most alpha male quiver. you would be a total wife to miruko’s girlboss energy & that’s why this ship totally works.

@quix-mix x FREDDY FAZBEAR my precious lil young moot, i dug into your blog & noticed you enjoy the fnaf games. & mmm are you perhaps wanting to cuddle a certain demonic teddy bear? well, i approve. he'll fall in love, head over heels, with your art, he might not possess you right away !! might. but, listen, you always do enjoy the villains (; i gotchu !!

@lonely-rabbit x LANCE you said we’re moots & i agree, we are. however, i have noooo idea what even are your preferences. so, i went digging. & it’s such a coincidence that we bonded over our voltron trauma, & yet you still continue to simp over lance. &, like i don’t blame you !!! he’ll always be dumb baby & so all i ask is that you love him, for our sake. & sanity.

[assortedfruitsnacks212]

Sick with COVID and trying to find ways to amuse myself 😔 So I found this old post from years ago and decided to redo it!

Fanfiction Questions

Fandom Questions

1. What was the first fandom you got involved in?

Lord of the Rings in middle/high school! I was obsessed with it, and it was the first time I had reliable enough internet access to get involved in forums 🥰

2. What is your latest fandom?

Stranger Things!

3. What is the best fandom you've ever been involved in?

Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic 2. I contributed work of my own for the first time and got a GREAT response. And that was before antis made fandom a warzone 🙄 so I wrote whatever I wanted and never got hate for it.

4. Do you regret getting involved in any fandoms?

😬 I'm not gonna say I regret getting involved in Stranger Things fandom. But it's definitely the most annoying one I've ever been a part of. You can't turn around without bumping into an anti or some kid screaming about p*dophilia. It's so fkn cringe lol

5. Which fandoms have your written fanfiction for?

Donkey Kong, Super Mario, Lord of the Rings, Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic 2, Gladiator, X-Files, the Star Wars sequel trilogy, Stranger Things

6. List your OTP from each fandom you've been involved in.

Atton/Exile (SW:KOTOR2), Mulder/Scully (X-Files), Reylo, Bileven

7. List your NoTPs from each fandom you've been in.

Kylux, Finnr3y, Harringr0ve, M1leven (I see a pattern here lol)

8. How did you get involved in your latest fandom?

Billy Hargrove brain rot, July 2019

9. What are the best things about your current fandom?

The source material can be really fun 💕 I also met a couple of my bffs because of it.

10. Is there a fandom you read fic from but don't write in?

Not currently, but in the past I've read fic for the original Star Wars trilogy, Star Trek, Phantom of the Opera, The Office, Labyrinth, and probably more I've forgotten.

Ship Questions for your Current Fandom

11. Who is your current OTP?

Bileven baby 💖💕

12. Who is your current OT3?

I don't have any, though I could see myself getting interested in Bileven + Eddie at some point.

13. Any NoTPs?

See answer to #7

14. Go on, who are your BroTPs?

Too many 😆 I love the entire Hopper-Byers family dynamic, so that's several broTPs right there. Also El and Max.

15. Is there an obscure ship which you love?

Bileven is pretty damn obscure, so 😆💀

16. Are their any popular ships in your fandom which you dislike?

See answer to #7

17. Who was your first OTP and are they still your favourite?

Bileven is my only otp for the fandom. Still going strong after nearly three years 😌

18. What ship have you written the most about?

Bileven for sure. I think I've written over 200-300k about them so far.

19. Is there a ship which you wished you could get behind, but you just don't feel them?

I kinda wish I was more into J0pper? I mean, I do like them, but not enough to really feature them in my fic. It would add a lovely dimension to my giant AU though.

20. Any ships which you surprised yourself by liking?

Not really? My tastes are very well established by this point 😂

Author Questions

21. What was the first fanfic you ever wrote?

A long, rambling fic for Donkey Kong at like, age 9-10

22. Is there anything you regret writing?

Nope! It was all necessary to my artistic development ☺️

23. Name a fic you've written that you're especially fond of & explain why you like it.

My current Billy Lives AU! It's the first fic that feels truly raw and heartfelt, like it springs straight from the essence of who I am. Working on it has also taught me a lot about the writing process, honed my writing voice, and helped me unlearn limiting beliefs.

24. What fic do you desperately need to rewrite or edit?

My Billy Lives AU. I've written a lot of material that I haven't even published yet. I'm rewriting/editing it as we speak 😆

25. What's your most popular fanfic?

A short A/B/O fic I wrote for Reylo. Over 10k hits, good god. That fandom was so horny lmao

26. How do you come up with your fanfic titles?

Song titles and lyrics, phrases from the text that have thematic significance.

27. What do you hate more: Coming up with titles or writing summaries?

Writing summaries 😖 I've gotten better at it, but it's still annoying trying to condense a big ol' story into a paragraph lol

28. If someone were to draw a piece of fanart for your story, which story would it be and what would the picture be of?

I would like it to be from my Billy Lives AU, which I think has lots of illustration-worthy moments. Hell, I've got a list of illustrations I'd make myself, if I could just recover from my art burnout...

29. Do you have a beta reader? Why/Why not?

Not really. If I genuinely need help with something, I have a couple friends I can ask, but usually I just wing it on my own. I'm too impatient to wait on someone 😂

30. What inspires you to write?

Powerful emotions, resonant themes and symbols, yin/yang and Hades/Persephone pairings, sad grumpy men who are practically begging for redemption arcs, music

31. What's the nicest thing someone has ever said about your writing?

I've gotten several lovely comments that I hoard like a mound of crack. My favorite ones lately say things like "your writing is poetry," "it's so visceral," "cuts you right to the bone." But my top favorite has to be this one:

"I love how you write Billy, because it's so LEGIT. Everything you have him do or say just feels so accurate and true to his character. Like, I can imagine it all happening and playing out in front of me."

I work hard on his characterization, so hearing that had me buzzingggg!

32. Do you listen to music when you write or does music inspire you? If so, which band or genre of music does it for you?

Oh hell yeah. I draw from a variety of genres depending on the scene I'm writing. For my Billy Lives AU, I've used ambient, heavy metal, all flavors of rock, TV/movie soundtracks, '80s pop, and more.

33. Do you write oneshots, multi-chapter fics or huuuuuge epics?

All three! I've written a lot of oneshots lately to explore ideas outside of my giant AU, which def counts as a huge epic (rip me 💀). I also have a multi-chap in progress.

34. What's the word count on your longest fic?

Over 100k. Only half of it is published right now.

35. Do you write drabbles? If so, what do you normally write them about?

I used to, but I don't anymore.

36. What's your favourite genre to write?

Sci-fi horror, romance, drama

37. First person or third person - what do you write in and why?

Both depending on my mood. My default is third person, but sometimes I switch to first to shake things up and/or internalize the characters' voices.

38. Do you use established canon characters or do you create OCs?

I usually go for canon characters, but when I sense a gap in the story I'm not above creating an OC to fill it. I'm never gonna stop bragging about how one of my OCs seemed to anticipate Eddie Munson 😆 (mostly in style and backstory, less in personality).

39. What is your greatest strength as a writer?

I make my readers feel a lot of things. Also I've been told multiple times, "I can see it happening so clearly! 😭" So... good descriptions??

40. What do you struggle the most with in your writing?

Perseverance. I tend to come up with complicated epics that would take years to write. To this day, I've yet to finish a single one. Goddammit though, I'm gonna do it someday 😠

Fanfiction Questions

41. List and link to 5 fanfics you are currently reading:

None. The fanfics I want to read right now are so incredibly specific I doubt I could find them anywhere 🥲 so I'm just writing them myself.

42. List and link to 5 fanfiction authors who are amazing:

I'm too lazy to link anyone 😅

43. Is there anyone in your fandom who really inspires you?

Everyone who's left a kind comment on my work, and fellow Billy fans who can tolerate differences in opinion (a VERY small number 🥲).

44. What ship do you feel needs more attention?

Bileven for sure

45. What is your all time favourite fanfic?

To this day I still remember some creepy Phantom of the Opera fic I read years ago...

46. If someone was to read one of your fanfics, which fic would you recommend to them and why?

Worship The Flame, which has the most material to read (50k published so far) and really demonstrates my skills imo.

47. Archive Of Our Own, Fanfiction.net or Tumblr - where do you prefer to post and why?

AO3 by far. It's clean and organized, I get more interaction there, and hate comments have been easy to deal with. Ff.net is just useless now. Tumblr is okay, but it's extremely hard to get views, and hate comments are more common.

48. Do you leave reviews when you read fanfiction? Why/Why not?

Sometimes! Depends on how strong my reaction was to the work and how much energy I have that day. I haven't read any fic lately though.

49. Do you care if people comment/reblog your writing? Why/why not?

Oh, yeah. I care a lot. A single good comment can lift me out of a writing funk and give me the motivation to keep going. It literally just happened last week 💕 (Thank you kind commenter 💕💕)

Also, reblogs are the only way to get views here. The fics I'm most passionate about tend not to get reblogged (1. they involve a rarepair, so they're niche to begin with; 2. people are too scared to reblog Bileven content). So I cherish every one I get.

50. How did you get into reading and/or writing fanfiction?

Idk, I just fell into it in elementary school. It felt natural. Still does!

51. Rant or Gush about one thing you love or hate in the world of fanfiction! Go!

Gush: I love the incredible creativity of fandom! Also, I LIVE for taking back stories from white male creators who have no idea what they're doing. And from corporations who shoot for the lowest common denominator. (Capitalism kills art, tell your friends)

Rant: STOP HARASSING FAN CREATORS FOR MAKING STUFF YOU DON'T LIKE. Oh and let's NOT do the whole censorship thing. We tried it and it was awful. Thank you.

[tundrainafrica]

Hello! ^^ Have you ever read the Smartpass story that involves Levi and Moblit talking about Hanji? If so what are your thoughts on it? I've seen different interpretations on it. Most levihans (including myself 😁) take it as Levi wanting to spend more time with Hanji & bcz due to work they can't be together most of the time he's asking Moblit to take care of her. There are some others who say Levi's supporting mobuhan but I didn't get that feeling so what do you think?

I was aware of the existence of the Smartpasses for a while but I never got around to reading most of them. I did read the Hange and Levi one after I saw your ask. (Is that the one you’re talking about?). I couldn’t find the Levi and Moblit conversation though. 

I tried scouring the internet, found the Japanese website and was almost desperate enough to borrow some Japanese’s friends’ au accounts to read cause I’m a simp that way. But most of them have Docomo or Softbank so yeah it was difficult. I’m just having some trouble reading the English translations though since it doesn’t seem to flow in my brain as easily. In fact, I had to read it a few times actually to even remember what happened. I’m trying to look for a Japanese scan online now though which is a bit hard so if someone can point me in the right direction for the Moblit and Levi convo or the Japanese ones that would be great.  

...take it as Levi wanting to spend more time with Hanji & bcz due to work they can't be together most of the time he's asking Moblit to take care of her...

^^^ About this part, I’ll just drop an HC (Or a canon point, at this rate I forgot) I have about this because I think Levi and Hange surprisingly spend a lot of time together for work which is why they are so close in the first place. 

This is probably just pre-canon hc I have anyway because I don’t wanna speak for Yams but I think it has been confirmed before that Levi and Hange are stationed nearby or they work closely together. So they do spend a lot of time with each other and that is why Hange and Levi’s squads are also very familiar with one another. Like in Season 1 in the scene where Hange visited the scout headquarters where Eren was being held. Levi’s squad knew Hange was coming. And they warned Eren already about not asking too many questions about titans. That means they know her well enough which means they must have worked together enough to pick up on her idiosyncracies.

Literally all the experiments in the flashbacks, Hange was present. And remember that scene with the explosion and Hange just pops in after and says “ CAN I TOUCH YOUR HAND.” I’m guessing the context behind that scene is Hange’s quarters or where she stays is near enough at least that she heard the explosion which made her run there in the first place. 

Also, about the capturing titans part, it was Levi’s special ops squad.that helped with the ‘capturing titans alive’ part which they had to experiment on. I’m guessing whenever an idea, an invention or a new way of going about something comes up, it’s Levi who helps Hange’s squad test it because he and his squad are the least likely to die. And who wants casualties during experiments when the survey corps is so understaffed already. I’m guessing their working together on these developments has happened so many times already which actually contributed to the significant improvement over that five year period between the fall of Shiganshina and the Battle of Trost

If you consider Levi and Hange’s positions in the military, you can speculate that this arrangement was special. Levi is a special squad captain and Hange was a Section Leader before becoming a commander. Levi’s position in the military was special and if you consider how leadership meetings and how interactions between department and team heads work, they tend to work closer with those groups which they have similar projects with. 

Levi’s special squad being the strongest one was what made them so fit for experiments. But Levi wasn’t a conventional leader among the survey corps heads. The Special Ops Squad was specifically made for Levi. He probably never did paperwork or worked on the logistics of things compared to let’s say… Mike, Hange or Erwin. 

Hange worked closely with Mike and Erwin when it came to paperwork, pleasing higher ups, funds and logistics of keeping their squad alive. Hange only had those experiments to interact with Levi yet for some reason they seemed soooo familiar with one another that aside from the experiments there must be some other reason why they were so close which brings us back to the fact that they’re stationed nearby and they were given so many special projects to work together on.

And Hange and Levi saw each other as more of equals given that they were heading two different squads and they had to organize a lot of their experiments and projects together as both leaders. This dynamic is what made Hange and Levi’s special in my opinion? Because Hange and Moblit had a superior and subordinate relationship and there are things which will never be discussed among them regardless of how close they can be. I mean we all know the way an unequal power dynamic can make it difficult to navigate more intimate social interactions. Like there is a reason why teacher student relationships, boss employee relationships and coach athlete relationships are a little difficult to navigate, especially in a military setting.

Yet, Hange and Levi’s relationship was more free given Levi’s unconventional position which was not an official position in their military at that time. Their general personalities also helped make something more easily bloom between them. This is not obvious in English but in Japanese, Levi never used keigo (polite Japanese). Actually he used it in two seasons but never among the military. Here’s an interesting video about Levi’s speech patterns in Japanese. As someone who speaks Japanese, I can say keigo is incredibly stiff and I tend to feel some sort of distance between whoever I use it with, It’s like corporate talk. 

Moblit respects the hierarchy a lot more than Levi and Moblit always uses keigo when he talks to Hange which creates some sort of distance between them. All though they care and respect each other, we can assume just by how they talk to each other that there is not much exploration done in the relationship pre-canon. 

This makes something between Hange and Levi more likely to spark anyway. 

(I ship Mobuhan to a degree though and this is also a very plausible pairing that could happen just not in the pre-canon setting? Like maybe if Moblit got to be promoted or they worked together for longer?)  

Anyway I’m rambling at this point but for TLDR peeps

Levi and Hange had surprisingly a lot of interactions precanon due to being stationed nearby and due to the projects where they constantly worked together. Levi’s speech patterns and their personality and his unconventional role in the military also makes development more plausible between them. 

I have an unfinished precanon fic about it (which I plan on finishing after ATOT). The fic is actually sitting on my laptop but I’d rather get it written out all the way until the end before I post hahah. If anyone is interested, here’s the link.

[retvenkos]

not asking you who you'd ship me with in the grishaverse because at this point everyone on tumblr knows the answer to that probably (though any chance of getting more of your wonderfully divine headcanons about matthias & I is a chance I gleefully take), but since you are shipping everyone I have to tell you that I've been thinking about Mal & you together for a little while. I just see it so clearly??

I think you'd have a relationship quite like Alina and Mal's, except healthier and less dramatic lol. but Mal is the epitome of friends to lovers and to me you embody exactly that. you're not the unbridled fury that enemies to lovers can be nor the bittersweet inevitability of soulmates, but really this idea of familiarity and comfort that you only unlock after spending a lot of time with a person, probably in childhood. Mal would represent exactly that to you: home, family, and love, and you're not really sure how or when you realize that it's not the same love you used to feel at Keramzin, that your feelings have shifted in the most terrifying yet beautiful way, but they have.

so in this scenario if you are Grisha, you get tested and your powers found out and you get sent to the Little Palace and your goodbyes with Mal are probably the most tearful moment Ravka has ever seen. You're holding on to Mal for dear life because he's really your family and you don't want to leave him behind, they're taking you to an unknown place without him, and you're so scared - but Mal tries to hold it all together because he has to be strong for you, and promises he will write to you every day and you will never truly be separated because he'll find you when he's older and strong.

(as soon as the carriage leaves he locks himself in the dormitory and cries all evening on his bed because your absence is so loud in these silent halls)

Inevitably years pass as you continue your training and Mal's letters become more scarce - sometimes you're the one who forgets to reply for a whole month, sometimes it's him - until you're not in touch anymore but you don't forget him, you never do, and you dream of him so often and all the words you wish you could tell him but never got the courage to

Until one day, almost a decade later, he is received at the Grand Palace for a particularly triumphant feat of his (Mal, always the hero) and the King wants to meet the First army soldier everyone is talking about, and you happen to run into him as he's trying to find his way to the audience room (because how stupidly huge are these Os Alta palaces, really?) And you literally can't believe your eyes.

so you'd be getting the childhood friends to lovers reunited after losing contact for many years which is TOP TIER romance

and Mal has changed obviously but not so much, and so have you; and he's taken aback by your beauty in your purple Kefta, and suddenly all the petty and insulting stereotypes about the Second Army he used to joke about with his regiment friends leave his mind because Saints - who needs a Sun Summoner when you're glowing like all the stars in the sky?

you'd quickly fall back into your common habits because they never left you, they're second nature at this point - Mal has basically forged your personality from the youngest age and you have his, and you fit together so perfectly

he'd be assigned to a more permanent post in Os Alta thanks to his prowesses in battle, maybe as the King's personal guard, meaning you'd get to spend so much time together

People would raise eyebrows at the sight of a couple between the two rival armies, but you don't care one bit - your love for Mal runs in your blood much deeper than arbitrary oppositions based on foolish pride.

If you're not Grisha, I don't think you'd join the First Army; war is probably not for you. I think your paths would separate too when he joins the Army and you leave the orphanage with what little money you saved over the years (sneaking out of Keramzin and reciting or singing your poems on the streets for a little bit of coin, or selling the meat and fur Mal would hunt for you) to move to a bigger city and try to do something with your life. You could be an artisan, or another kind of shopkeep! I can see you being manually gifted and creative, so you'd probably have an artsy business in the capital, like pottery or tapestry or painting on porcelain or something of the sort

and once again Mal is called to Os Alta probably for the same reasons - he just can't help distinguishing himself in combat, can he? - and he steps into your shop by total chance, and he's like. Olive???? Since when do you do sculptures???? And you're like. Malyen Oretsev???? Since when are you taller than me????

(Though the sculpture part doesn't surprise him that much, because you were always so creative and gifted in the arts, and he's always admired you so much for it.)

(But the TALL part??? ok, you are short, but you left him when he was like, thirteen and he was Not That Tall. how can your forever friend have grown that tall so fast???)

And so you ALSO get the long-lost childhood friends rekindle and fall back in love trope because my heart goes mushy for it ❤

your dynamic would be on point, because Mal knows you better than anyone and so he can read you like an open book. Either when he needs to find the teasing comment that will get you all riled up, or when he senses your discomfort or sadness and has to find the words to cheer you up.

You'd just make so many sweet memories with Mal, and he'd be down for every single thing you want to do as long as he gets to spend time with you. Want to be rambunctious on the streets of Os Alta and pull pranks on passerbys like you are 8 again? Yep, can totally do that. Feel like breathing in the fresh air of the wilderness and getting out of town to see a beautiful sunset, like you would in Keramzin? Of course! Just want to chill together doing your own thing and relishing in each other's presence? Absolutely.

he loves when you read to him, whether that be a book you own or a story straight from your imagination that you just wrote, and he's absolutely mesmerized by your voice and how much emotion you put in it. (though he can't help himself from making little jokes every now and then or trying to guess what will happen next in the story because he's what my mom calls a Culo Inquieto™)

you'd generally be such a cute couple who never lost that mischievous but oh so comforting and familiar spark from when you were kids, and is willing to stay with the other through thick and thin. you've found your other half in each other and I'm so soft for that. 💜💜

sorry I rambled but I just think that idea is so cute and you deserve a ship! (also, don't even get me started on the Chaos BFF Duo you would make with Jesper...) my head is killing me so I won't write any more but just know I hold this ship in extremely high regard. <3

clara, i will have you know i waited until i got ice cream in order to read this, because i knew it would be an experience™ and now, i,,, 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 i'm so goddamn soft, how dare you make me yearn????

you mean to tell me you came up with all of this... for me? you think of ships for me??? how—how dare? how dare you be such a good friend, to the point where i am baffled by your kindness??? how dare you be this thoughtful and poetic,,,,,,, and just, big brained, ma'am.

because all of this is so perfect!!!! ohmygod i'm soft. i'm in love. everytime you write a ship or fanfic, i sincerely wish i was a romantic like you so i could have a proclivity toward fathoming such soft romantic scenes,,,,, you, clara, know how to do a ship™.

(also, i have to say i love the childhood friends torn apart, only to come back together,,,, it has laughter lines by bastille energy,,,, listen to this song and tell me it doesn’t have the same vibes that that very specific and heartwarming trope,,,)

but, since you gave me such a beautiful gift, and since i would do anything for you, here are some more headcanons for you and matthias:

first of all, i think that you and matthias would spend a lot of time finding the beauty in small things. i think that it would be good for him, since he’s reevaluating who he is and his place in this grand world, and i think since you’re a romantic, small things would be important to you both.

— for example, you guys definitely star gaze together. it’s hard, since you are in ketterdam and the smoke is impossible to see through, but maybe you guys leave ketterdam for a while, and you spend a lot of time looking up at the stars. matthias loves to learn about everything you know, and repositioning himself underneath the sky is a good start to figuring out who he is. 

— you also like to sit by the water and talk. there’s something about the water that pulls memories from you both. matthias talks about what it was like, far away, in his little village before the drüskelle. (i get the feeling his dad was a fisherman or something,,,, the vibes are there), and you get to talk about people you once knew, dreams you once had. point is, you do a lot of talking - swapping stories and hopes.

— oh! another idea i can’t get out if my head is that matthias asks you so many questions. i feel like it’s a sign of real love and trust, when matthias starts asking you questions, because you have to be like,,, level 50 in order for matthias to admit weaknesses, and one of his biggest is that there’s so much he just doesn’t know. i think you also get really good at just,,,, telling him stuff so that he doesn’t have to ask, and he really just appreciates it.

i also just love the idea of matthias giving you to strongest hugs, or tbh, just holding you, and it’s all because he’s the big, strong one™! you know he’s got a protector complex, so that kind of feeds into his hugs,,, just that intense need to protect you, but also, he’s deathly terrified of losing another person he cares about, so he clings. (but only when you’re alone. the drüskelle in him is too Proud, but if you hang onto him in public,,,, he’s not complaining, just getting used to it)

okay, but i got a little bit ahead of myself, because i didn’t even talk about when you guys first meet, and the whole dynamic that is that™

— so, clearly, you are bffs with nina, whether your a grisha or not, and since i want fluff oNLY we’re just going to pretend like helnik didn’t happen,,,,,, they’re just friends. anyway, she’s the first one to pick up on your feelings for matthias because a) heartrender, and b) you two are the best of friends, and she just knows.

— and so you know a lot of teasing ensues, and almost everyone gets in on it and constantly makes jokes about you and matthias,,,, sometimes while he’s right. there. you’re Mortified But Coping™ and you can’t imagine what is going on through matthias’ head, because there’s no way he can feel the same, right?

— wRONG, we’re all idiots when we’re in love, and no one is more of an idiot than matthias. he is definitely ~soft~ for you but refuses to let it show because (1) the dregs are crass and he doesn’t want to give them fodder, and (2) you seem very uncomfortable about this whole thing, and he doesn’t want to make it worse

after some time, the teasing dies down, because both of you are too boring to tease. it would be funny if one of you freaked out, but you’re just,,,, suffering in silence. boring. and besides, inej and kaz are way more funny to tease. have you seen the murder in both of their eyes whenever you mention anything??? scary, but golden.

for the most part, the jokes die off, and i think after the jokes stop, you and matthias become much more comfortable with one another, and it leads to so! many! good! moments! 

— did i ever tell you matthias is in love with your stupid humor? your enchanting laughter? you’re so infectiously light and it makes him feel like he’s walking on clouds or something,,,,, he’s enchanted by you, but doesn’t have the words to explain it. 

— you know he remembers all of the little things his dad used to say about his mom,,,, and he feels all of that awed respect and soft warmth for you, but what to do with it???? he can’t really remember what his parents would do - it’s been so long and cold without them, but he tries to remember, and it’s the little things he does. he’ll tell you something really sweet in fjerdan and you’re just like ??? but it doesn’t translate super well, so you’re just left with the way he said it, and it means the world (plus, if you really get the courage, you can ask nina to explain it,,,, fair warning though, she scoffs at it every time. because it’s fjerda, alright?)

— you definitely end up reading him some poetry. it’s all under the guise of him ‘learning about the beauty in other cultures’ but really, it’s just an excuse to read him romantic shu poetry (they really know how to do it, let me tell you). and you also end up telling him stories about your childhood and your life, and he finds your rambling so adorable. especially since he has seen your work on paper! he finds it so sweet that your mind is so full of life that it wants to go everywhere at once, and experience every possible detail.

— you definitely end up showing matthias his way around ketterdam, and he keeps all of your hastily drawn maps, and whenever he goes past a street corner, he remembers the way your eyes sparkled in the light of the streetlamps.

i definitely have the feeling that you confess your feelings first. matthias has been trying to get the courage to do it, but he just can’t, and one day you tell him late at night - when, for just a moment, the world is still and quiet, and you can’t hold in all that warmth in your chest. you’re a little shy about it, but so is he, and when he hears you confess, all he can do is smile, because you have all of the confidence and strength he wishes he had. and all that courage laced in his chest, he’s learned it from you.

that’s ll i got for now, but i believe in clara x matthais supremacy.

[professordrarry]

So let it be known that Drarry is the only ship I've been able to read besides Ineffable Husbands in over a year. I am a SUCKER for hurt comfort. (been called an angst gremlin on multiple occasions) so maybe harry finding draco struggling to produce a patronus? I adore 6th year and 8th year fics. maybe Draco rambling about how things used to be but then Voldedickface happened and ya know??? But honestly you're the amazing one here so PLEASE do what you like with this. 😗

I WOULD LIKE TO FIRST ACKNOWLEDGE AND APOLOGIZE that my brain IMMEDIATELY latched onto one *very* specific part of your ask and then. Just... RAN WITH IT. Ugh. I am so sorry. I hope you don’t hate this. Also, it’s now nearly 4 k and not done so I’m going to post it to AO3 and there will be...more...WHY AM I LIKE THIS. Thanks for the ask. It really kicked my butt into gear even though it wasn’t even sort of what you wanted..........

Lead Me Up the Mountain

It was the panting that eventually became impossible to ignore. Harry had been pretending that he hadn't heard Malfoy for most of his assent, but the bloody panting as he caught up to Harry was difficult to pretend his way out of.

"Will you be quiet ?" he hissed to the sound behind him, ducking behind a tree near his right and looking out to the clearing before them. "Are you trying to make this take three weeks rather than three days?"

"You forgot me!" Malfoy all but shouted, despite his lack of breath and sweaty pallor.

Harry held back his malicious grin. "I didn’t. I just left on time. Besides, Albert had your gear. You not catching up is on you,” he said lightly.

"Listen, Potter. I'm the reason your funding came through for this trip. I don't care if you like this but I demand that you—"

Now Harry did laugh. "Demand? Ha. Look at you, Malfoy. You have no bloody clue what you're doing on a mountain. Now, you insisted on coming along when Costas broke his foot. And then you were an hour late for departure. So, the only remaining question is...are you going to start listening to me, or are you going to die on this mountain?"

Malfoy started to mumble something about procedural briefs and correct resource allocation, and Harry sighed deeply and cleared his throat. The glare it earned him was well worth it, as Malfoy pushed his damp hair back off his forehead and stood straight in challenge.

"Well?"

"Yes. Fine. Lead on, oh golden one."

Malfoy, of all the people Harry had ever known, was the most brilliant at making perfectly normal words sound like you were being cussed out. In the five years that their companies had been working together in medical research, Harry had become particularly adept at earning these violently toned pseudo insults. The fact that he had earned one now made him grin.

"Good. Let's go. It'll be dark soon. We need to set up the tents."

Malfoy continued to grumble under his breath, but he did follow him into the small copse of trees that Harry had been headed toward for an hour. They weren't at the summit, not by a long shot; here, the wind was held at bay by the small trees and shrubs, and the clearing offered them some protection and warning of animals that may approach. Still, Harry spent the first ten minutes of his time casting a variety of common shields and barriers.

"What is it exactly you think you're doing?" Malfoy suddenly announced, interrupting Harry's counter-jinx alarm.

"Making sure you don't die by a bear. That'd be a shame."

"Shields?" Malfoy sneered. "You think you're casting shields ?"

For the first time that day, Harry bristled. Malfoy was normally just a professional reality. They didn't often work side by side, and so most days, Harry could ignore his presence as a mere hangnail. Annoying if you thought about it too often, but usually avoidable if you were busy. During board meetings, they would occasionally find common ground, in fact, arguing a point in fine detail until the chair would silence them out of pure frustration. They never acknowledged these moments of solidarity, but they had led to a working relationship that could be considered tolerable. At least, these days, Malfoy was quiet and humble and abashed. Most of the time. Usually, Harry could count on him to be on the side of his patients. Which was close enough to an ally for him to comprehend the dry, acerbic wit that he reserved for Harry.

This voice, however, was pure Hogwarts days. Potions class, to be exact. Gone was the genial voice Malfoy used in front of bosses and clients. Gone was the veneer of respectful humility. This was full Slytherin sneer, and Harry wanted to punch him.

He instead rolled his neck and lowered his wand. "Sorry, Malfoy," he declared, emphasising the name. "You can finish up here and I'll set up your tent, will I? Your highness ."

For whatever reason, the insult got under Malfoy’s skin. Harry watched him recoil slightly before remembering himself and drawing his wand. He didn't reply, turning instead to the barrier and murmuring incarnations. Annoyingly, Harry did see the familiar glimmer of a properly cast shield charm, and he forced himself to dig into his enlarged pack and draw out the tents.

They were up in seconds, two small pup tents that hid a full twin-sized mattress. Regular survival versions, so no kitchen, but they both had heat and they both had rations, and Harry spat a 'good night' at Malfoy before retreating to his own bed. Six-hour hikes were not what he was trained for anymore, after all. The first-year field research days were far behind both of them, and the exhaustion of middle age had crept up on them subtly.

Continue Reading 

[phantomofsilence]

Title : Stuck Between A Rock And A Hard Place

Word Count : Honestly who the hell knows?

Warning : Sad Bucky, sad Steve, you can see it from the request.

A/N :

Alright so i already posted this request but Tumblr somehow deleted it. So i had to do it all over again. Well thankfully not the story, i fortunately wrote it in the notes, i learned that lesson the hard way. Anyway along with a story the request itself was deleted. So i think this is how the request went, if it was your request message me if it was wrong. Also i had a really hard time with this request, i don't know why i just wasn't inspired, well probably more tired from college than inspired, but that's why it took so long. I wanted to do it right. Also for anyone else who send me a request i saw it, and i will right it as soon as my obligations allow me some free time. Also i did the P. O. V. thing so don't get confused. Okay, enough rambling, i hope you like it. And also i believe there was a compliment in the request for gif usage, thank you for that. 😘😘😘❤️

Request : Can you do a fic where you and the new agent are getting closer to the point where the team suspects that you are falling out of love with Bucky? (angst to fluff).

Steve's P. O. V.

As soon as he saw her enter the kitchen Chris was out of his seat smothering her in a hug, but Natasha and Steve, hung back and watched with frowns on their faces.

They stayed quiet during their conversation occasionally sipping coffee.

Their stubbornness and Steve's persistence in making sure both him and the team stay out of this complicated and deeply personal situation, rendered them mute, as they stood there cold and stoic, as they sipped on their coffee.

Many would say the intimacy in the embrace, those gentle smiles, and completely unnecessary gazes they were curently being subjected to were highly inappropriate and Steve would have to agree with them.

The more he watched, the more sorry he felt for his friend. But no, Steve wasn't angry at her, he was hurt. How could such a sweet girl be so uncaring? No one deserves this kind of treatment, his friend the least. He's been through so much already, Steve thought you out of all people understood this.

He lost so much, did he have to lose you too?

You were the rock that kept thing moving, a force anyone could fall back on if needed to be. And you want to abandon it all, for this Chris, a man you barely know compared to his friend.

Steve knew he was letting his feelings cloud his judgement, and you haven't really done anything but spent time with a man you claimed was your friend, a man that was your partner. He knew he spent just as much, if not more time with Natasha and she was one of his most valued friends.

Also, Chris seemed like a nice guy, the kind of man if you were still single he'd advise you to go for.

But that's it, you weren't single. In fact you were in a committed relationship with the most important person in his life.

He was stuck between a rock and a hard place, and he didn't know what to do. Invade his best friend's privacy or let his best friend be hurt when he could at least cushion the blow.

One more look at the 'lovely couple' and he decided, privacy be damned, his friend deserves honesty at least and he was gonna make sure he got it for him.

"Steve.." a voice trailed off cautiously, he looked over the see Natasha leaning on the counter facing them, with her head turned towards him looking at him.

"I know, Nat." he knew he shouldn't have snapped, it wasn't her fault. She sighed.

"Steve it should be one of us, I know it sucks to hurt him like that, but it's even worse if he caught them, and we knew but didn't tell him."Like always the redhead was right, but he still tried to reason with her.

"But she hasn't done anything yet Natasha, we can't make things up when they didn't happen."

She rolled her eyes at his statement. "Yes, Steve, she hasn't done anything, yet Steve. The key word being yet. Come on, Steve! They've known each other for only two months, and they are joined at the hip. If you think Bucky didn't notice you are mistaken. Dude's been giving her the kicked puppy eyes for days now and she hasn't even noticed choosing to ogle at her new beau. This calls for revenge! "The redhead took a deep breath and said.

" He is your best friend Steve, if the rolls were reversed wouldn't you like him to say something? "

Steve didn't respond, it wasn't necessary, they both knew the answer. Instead of pushing him, Natasha gently squeezed his shoulder and left him in the kitchen to think it over.

An hour later Steve was letting out his anger on a punching bag. The more he thought about it, the more conflicted he got.

This wasn't his relationship but it was his friend. Thou you were his friend too, after Peggy's death you along with Natasha were there for him, hell you've spent the whole day making jokes just to make him forget.

You were like Bucky, the Bucky from before, not just before The Winter Soldier, but before the war. The guy that got him in a lot of trouble and the guy that stood by him and protected him when he took a bite too large to swallow.

The man that took him to many unsuccessful dates, his companion, his family, it's what drew him to you.

You were a sense reality in the world that no longer made sense, a familiar face in a strange place.

Although he wanted to protect his friend, he also felt oddly protective of you. He couldn't betray your trust, but he couldn't betray Bucky either.

Why did this has to be so hard? He thought and punched the punching bag so hard it ripped and fell few feet away.

"What did that punch bag ever do to you?" Said a man Steve was successfully avoiding since this morning.

"Oh, hey Buck. What's up?" he said trying to act nonchalant. "I could ask you the same thing. Why are you avoiding me? Did i do something?" Bucky demanded.

"I'm not avoiding you." Steve mildly shrugged. Glaring at him he got closer almost to his face. "What the hell is going on?"

Steve could hear the anger in his voice, but also hurt, trying to protect him he's the one that ended up hurting him.

"Nothing, Buck." Steve said. "Listen here, punk!

"It's bad enough the love of my life could possible be cheating on me right now, now i can't even trust you!? What the hell man?"

Steve looked at his best friend, his eyes were puffy, tears threatening to spill, but he refused to let them fall, he had dark bags under his eyes, he hasn't been sleeping well, his hands shaking in anger, this was a man already hurt.

"Look i wanted to tell you about her, but I didn't want to betray her either so I've been ignoring you both so i don't hurt anyone. I guess that ship sailed." He said, his friend deserved honestly at least he can get it from him.

"You think she's cheating on me?" asked Bucky. "I don't know, man. I did not see her so anything, from all we know we're just making stuff up."

Steve frowned, even thou he shouldn't do it now, he was defending her. "You're a good friend, Steve. But i didn't ask what you saw, i want a yes or no answer." Bucky said.

"Why do i matter, why are you asking me? If you really wanted to know you'd ask her. But you're asking me because you know i will never give you that answer. So why are you asking me, Buck?" Steve demanded.

Bucky glared at him, before he grabbed his shoulder giving him a smile." You're a punk, kid."Bucky said, paused to inhale and exhale before continuing." It's because i don't really wanna know. I love her, Steve. If fact i love her so much that even thou, she 's literally ripping me in half, my brain is still finding a reason to forgive her. That she loves me and it's all a mistake. I'm pathetic."

Bucky lowered his head, squeezed his shoulder again, let go and turned to leave.

At the door Steve voice halted him in place.

" You're not pathetic. You love her. Knowing you my whole life, you were never soft on a dame like that. I'm sorry it had to be like this."

Without turning around Bucky whispered. "Me too." And left.

Steve could see it bright as day this man was a mess. He had to do something, you might be his friend, and it wasn't his business , but he was about to confront you.

Steve knew you, you were not a coward.

He would get you to tell the truth, perhaps it wasn't too late. You need to be honest and you might even work it out with Bucky.

Taking his phone out of his pocket he texted you to meet him in his room.

Your P. O. V.

After the workout Chris suggested you go to the diner you always go after a successful mission.

"Come on it's been some time since we been there." Snorting at that statement you replied. "We literally went there two days ago."

Groaning Chris whined. "Exactly, too long, come on i know you can practically taste those fries and that strawberry and vanilla milkshake you like. Eh, it will be fun and if i may say so i make great company."

Although the offer was tempting, and you really could taste those fries and that delicious milkshake, you had to go home to your boyfriend.

You missed him so much, and judging by those sad eyes he's been giving you he missed you just as much, if not more.

The missions you were being sent on this past month left little to no time for your relationship, and now having to prepare for an undercover mission of great importance and you weren't allowed to speak about it with anyone according to Maria, you were forced to spend all your free time with Chris.

Well forced was a harsh word, Chris was a great man and an amazing partner, but he wasn't your boyfriend.

"Sorry gotta take a rain check." You mumbled apologetically. Chris smiled and pulled you in for a hug.

"Hey i get it, if i had a hunk like that waiting for me at home, i wouldn't even bother talking to you. Scram, kid." You arched an eyebrow on chuckling. "Is that so? "

"I'd fuck him."

As you were nearing your apartment your phone buzzed. Looking at the screen you saw you had a text from Steve. Opening it read' We need to talk, met me at my place'.

Steve was not the best texter but he never sounded this urgent and formal. If this was about the mission he would have asked meat at The Tower, this was personal.

Something was wrong.

All it took was three knocks to be met with Steve's hard gaze, he stood aside allowing you to come in.

"So we need to talk?Are you breaking up with me Steve?"A light-hearted joke that was meant to brighten the mood was met with a glare. Okay, not the right crowd.

"Listen, i know it's non of my business and you're my friend, but this needs to end. What the hell is going on with you and Chris? "

Steve asked firmly before placing his hands on his belt buckle. You knew that stance, you've seen it a million times, it was meant to frighted and send a message that he met business.

You never thought you's see it being used on you. But you weren't so easily scared.

"You're right, Steve it's non of your business ." You replied defensively. Who was he thinking he could question you?

"You're right, but i don't care. I'm the one who has to watch my friend heartbroken when you leave with Chris, so excuse me if I'm a little protective. Just don't. Own up to it." Steve said.

"Own up to what, Steve? Heartbroken? My Bucky? What the hell is going on?" You demanded. You have done nothing to Bucky. What the hell is he talking about?"You hurt him and..." Steve began but you cut him off. "Hurt him i haven' t even spoken to him!" You piped up.

"Exactly."

Bucky's P. O. V.

Knowing he couldn't stay cupped up in his room with all those thoughts swearing in his head Bucky decided to take a walk, and by walk he meant a run, muttering angry at nothing and panting wildly.

He wasn't sure if he was panting because he was tired from the aggressive run or the work his mind put him through.

He decided the latter.

As if he was cursed to suffer today, he ran into the last person he wanted to see. Chris strolled up to him, a bright smile on his face, as if he wasn't the cause to his misery. Some nerve on this guy!

"Hey, Buck right?" he said to Bucky holding his hand for him to shake. Bucky just looked down at it frown.

"Not a hand shaker? Alright, i get it. I'm getting used on it myself.Also some say it's unhygienic."

What pissed of Bucky even more was that Chris wasn't even fazed by Bucky unfriendly stance. This guy!

"Anyway i just wanted to meet the man my partner won't shut up about. I mean that woman's got you on a pedestal you'd think your shooting rainbow out of your ass."

Keep rubbing salt to an open wound, Bucky though. This dude was something else.

"Look man, i don't really know her for that long, but she's kinda grown on me. She's one heck of a woman. She means a lot to me and... " Bucky cut him of. "I can imagine." He remarked through his teeth.

"No, you really can't, she has been there for me after the war, you know when you get back everyone keeps walking on egg shells around you, it's a strange place, even the bed feels wrong, too soft. But she made me feel human."

Suddenly the anger for the man was gone and all that was left was confusion. Chris was a marine? It would explain his posture.

" She's not afraid to hold me, i thank God or whatever is out there everyday for a friend like her. "

Bucky knew what he was talking about oh to well, she made him fell the same. She was comfort, she was peace, she was his home.

" Why are you telling me all of this? "Bucky asked.

" Because I'm not blind, i know a jealous man when i see one. She holds me because it helps me relax, not because she is in love with me. Don't even try to deny it. I know what it feels to love her, but you know what it feels like to be loved by her. If anyone has the right to be jealous, it's me. Don't screw this up, man. See ya. "

Before Bucky even had the chance to process what Chris had said, he turned and ran the other way.

Walking into your room you felt oddly nervous. You didn't even know it but you've made the man you love, a man in doubt.

He now questioned your love and you did not even notice. Sure you saw a bit of sadness but regarded it as him simply missing you.

Not a man heartbroken and riddled with insecurities. He probably hasn't even slept right and you didn't see it.

There was no reason for your fear, the room was empty, no Bucky in sight. Footsteps in the hallway made you turn around. Walking out of the room you followed the footsteps into the hallway, outside your apartment, down the stairs and only when you were outside did you catch the glimpse of the man of our.

Gathering enough courage you called out Bucky who at the sound of your voice turned and froze.

The tension was high, you could feel it in the air as you stared at one another.

Just as you opened your mouth to speak not even knowing what to say Bucky crossed the distance, grabbed you by the back of your neck and kissed you.

It only took you a second to respond, the kiss was desperate, teeth clashing, tongues fighting for dominance, while hands roamed all over, pulling, squeezing.

Pulling away for air you kept your eyes closed. "Tell me you love me." Pleaded Bucky, making you feel even more guilty.

Opening your eyes your hands sneaked themselves around his neck pulling until your forehead touched his own.

"I'm not sure about a lot of things Bucky. But there is one thing i am sure about and that is that i love you, James Buchanan Barnes, i love you and i always will. I'm sorry i ever made you doubt my love. "

"No, i am the one that's sorry. I shouldn't have doubted you in the first place. I got so stuck in my own head. I'm sorry. I love you so much, doll."

"I love you. Let's just forget about it and agree that from now on we will talk about this things. No holding back. "

"You're right. From now, we talk. But please be patient with me. And do me a favor, will you."

"Anything."

"Don't quit on me. I know it can be hard to be with me sometimes, but I love you as much it is possible for this broken man to love. "

"You're not broken, just bent. And don't act like I'm a walk in the park, i know i can be frustrating. But this is a relationship, we work together, we compromise, we fight, we make love. We don't quit on each other, we fight for us."

"I love you."

"And i love you."

[my1stgirlfriendturnedintothemoon]

Writing is so weird for me to be so honest

Like I've been writing for as long as I can remember, fanfic shit before I even knew what fanfic was, me and my friend Sarah used to tell each other stories about our HP self insert OCs in like 5th grade. I have a whole plastic storage tub of notebooks filled with random fanfic and original writing going back to middle school. I'm 29. Some of those notebooks are old enough to vote.

And I've never finished anything lmao. Even stuff where I'm like "this is a oneshot!" I never considered really finished, because there's always some other connected idea.

Anyways I haven't shared any of my writing outside of like, posting things here on tumblr that I know only 3 specific people will read, since like. Before I joined the army??? I think?? Back when I was still using ff net lmao and it was like old Naruto and KH stuff and the one Yume Nikki fic I still wish I had finished, so like 8 years I think.

I hadn't even really been writing much at all this year, outside of a really self-indulgent Warden Surana/Warden Carver Hawke fic that never left my phone notes and will never see daylight bc it's just for me. And then I started replaying FE:A in July and realized I wanted to write about Inigo and Gerome, and I did it! I fuckin opened up my neglected AO3 and I spit out two chapters, and like 300 people read my story and I lost my mind! Three Hundred People! More than my damn high school graduating class. I never in my life would have thought 300 people would want to read my writing lmao

And then of course FE3H dropped and I was like. This is a new fandom, there's not a lot of content out for the ship I want to see, I have a small idea of something I would like to read, I should write it. I'm going to cook this food because the fandom is hungry. And my small idea wound up being a fucking 5k fic, my first smut fic ever, and today it got its hundredth bookmark. 100 fucking people read and bookmarked my horny fic in just one month. Two days after I posted that, I spit out a comedy fic that is currently THREE SHORT of FIVE HUNDRED kudos!!!! Five (5) hundred!!! Like, I'm Math Lady Meme over here trying to imagine 500 different individuals reading and enjoying something I wrote. That is TWICE my graduating class.

So of course, not satisfied with what I had produced, I went out and wrote a 6k fic of a rare pair that was basically entirely smut and the start of a series, because my brain is 100% on Clown Hours, and then made the second part a complete left-field crackpair, and people. Still love it. No one has come to end my life, no one has come with the torches my LJ and FFnet childhood promised. Instead they are praising me and I appreciate it but I still feel like a huge fool lmao!!

Like I'm so scared of negative feedback that I have literally stopped myself from writing things or sharing things for years, and in just one month of sharing things I have gotten so much positive response its overwhelming. I've seen my fics mentioned twice now in the wild while scrolling Twitter, by complete strangers. I bit the bullet and recced one of my fic to someone asking for my rare pair and people like it! I am pretty sure my first smut fic spawned a gift fic for someone else who commented they were interested in a rare OT3 I hinted at!

Anyways I've spent the last week alternately rereading everything I've written this month and going "fuck what the hell this is bile" or feeling like the Palpatine "Unlimited Power" gif even though this is the most attention and 'success' I've ever known in a fandom space, so. This is literally the most productive I've been with writing in years, I've put up 20k words on AO3 since the end of July and I still have like. 6 chapters of this story finished and waiting to be posted if I can just get the damn 2nd chapter out of the way and one of them, all by itself, is 4k. I've been writing like crazy lmao.

This was kind of a ramble but I've been feeling bad about my writing because it's not like some other people's and that's stupid, I may not be writing as much or in the same way but I'm doing numbers for the first time and I should be proud of that.

Over 10k hits I'm gonna shit!!!

Anyways I guess, like. Don't be stupid like me lmao and think no one wants to hear your idea or read your fic, or feel bad if someone else has already "done it", because no one can write it the way you will and there's always going to be someone who is starving for more of that content. I personally don't feel like my stories are that good or even original, but apparently people like them lmao! Share your stuff! You may be surprised.