#can also have the problem where the ml is then Too Good (although this is smth that happens with love interests anyways)

[spookfished]

kinda wish i didnt feel so iffy all the time about love interests of color (+ white protag) in romance... i mean by default it means that it focuses on the white persons like interiority more than the love interest (when sometimes the ml is much more interesting) + then the ml’s problems as a poc become something where the white protag gets to step in and Be A Hero/solve the issue. which is like :P

[mikuni14]

I know I keep talking about Tharn and how wonderful he is, but I also have to say something about Phaya. Who is, on reflection, a perfect example of a "manly man"✨, the main character of an action movies, who works for me for once. He's also one of the few action/adventure/crime MLs that I find really hot and attractive, something other productions almost never achieve. Why? Because - I say this only from my perspective - what the producers THINK will be attractive to me is completely different from what I actually FIND attractive.

Phaya is a classic male hero, but he takes classic patterns of masculinity and reworks them in his own way.

Phaya looks very masculine, but in a way that I like. He's muscular, but not too much. His muscles were developed through martial arts training, sparring, something that is related to his hobby and work, not worked out just for being muscular. We see him determined and focused when he goes through training, but he also has fun sparring with his friends, instructors, WITH THARN (that's a completely different story 🔥). We see that he likes healthy competition, that he has ambitions, but he is focused on improving himself, not on proving to others that he is better than them. Phaya has a healthy approach to his body, to competition and to sports.

I like that Phaya takes care of himself, that he tries to look good (especially for his crush), BUT AT THE SAME TIME he has no qualms about finding the most embarrassing matching shirts and persuading said crush to put them on and casually stroll around the tourist area town, looking like a funny, old married couple. Phaya has a healthy attitude towards his appearance and how people perceive him (he doesn't give a fuck). The most important thing is that Tharn is by his side. In a matching shirt.

I like how active and task-oriented Phaya is, that he recognizes his own or any other problems and just does something about them. Suspicious murder? Phaya starts ivestigating. Strange dreams? Phaya has been researching it all his life, now he's going to the place where he can find answers. Tharn is not answering his calls? Phaya doesn't get offended, he doesn't create scenarios in his head, he just goes to Tharn, confronts him and comes up with a creative way to relax the stressed Tharn. Phaya acts, does research, has no qualms about asking for help and accepting help. Phaya is a pack animal, not this lone wolf bullshit.

I absolutely love how open Phaya is with his feelings, with himself. Friends? Grandmother? The Abbot? THARN? Phaya doesn't hide anything. When Tharn asks if he's feeling ok at the festival, Phaya tells him about his troubling feelings, he doesn't hide behind a straight face and "I'm fine." Phaya is not afraid or ashamed of his feelings or talking about them. Or admitting weakness, feeling bad or even fear.

what deserves a special mention is how open Phaya is about his interest in Tharn - towards Tharn and the rest of the world. Phaya is like "Tharn, I'm so interested in you and I want you to know it". And if anyone else sees this, it's not his and Tharn's problem, it's the world's problem, because Phaya is too busy with Tharn, who is all delicious right there, to worry about the rest of the world. Phaya is a grown man who knows what he wants and currently wants Tharn and to be a good cop and solve the mystery of his dreams and he will not waste his energy and time on proving his worth or anything else to the world.

Phaya has his own life BEYOND the romanse. He has a job, ambitions, a family, a home, his art, interests, and his own personal problems to face. Tharn is a part of his life, a new part, because Phaya existed as a person before Tharn.

I also like how Phaya treats his sexuality, namely he is completely ordinary and normal about it 😀 No issues, no trauma, no internal conflicts, no "finding himself", no crisis. I like the fact that he is pushy with Tharn, and although I'm normally not a big fan of kisses "without warning", it doesn't bother me in this case because Phaya is completely aware that Tharn likes him "that way". Tharn is flirting heavily with Phaya and they already had their almost kiss, so Phaya didn't cross the line with him. Besides, Tharn is also a grown man who can read Phaya's intentions, and he kissed him first - twice 😂 Phaya's sexuality is not a problem in this story, he is very simple about it.

Phaya is the kind of action hero that simply suits me. He seems to fit the type: he's aggressive, cocky, talented, smart, inventive, handsome and athletic. But he is also - in a quite ordinary way- nice, caring, friendly, supportive and helpful. He doesn't put himself in the center, he doesn't make everything about himself. He's also very funny, doesn't take himself seriously, can be a classic dudebro, goes to parties where he plays stupid games 🍾 and he is open with his feelings. He is naturally, effortlessly cool, but sometimes he is a bit pathetic and doesn't get everything right.

For me, Phaya is Phaya from the scene in the tub of icy water, hugging and supporting Tharn (because he wants BOTH of them to pass this test), it is Phaya from the scene in the bathroom, super sensitive to Tharn's mood, it is Phaya visiting tourist attractions with his crush and tucking him in to sleep. This is Phaya knowing when he can allow himself more with Tharn and knowing when to stop. This is Phaya who doesn't lie to Tharn, who seduces him, gives him time, gives him space, but at the same time leaves no doubt about how he feels about him and makes sure that Tharn is aware of it. It's Phaya intoxicated by Tharn's closeness and also coming up with cute nicknames for him.

Phaya is a classic model of masculinity without all the toxic, violent, stupid alpha bullshit, but with self-awareness, true personal freedom, the ability to function in a relationship, a family, a team, society, readiness for self-development and emotional maturity. He is a natural leader who can apologize to his teammates. Phaya redefined the male action hero type and I love him for it 💖

[thicctails]

The Baker's Daughter and her Evil Butterfly Future Father-In-Law

A potential ML AU is bubbling around inside my brain like the DVD logo. It wouldn't really be feasible in canon probably (then again, the writing for Miraculous could be done better by cocaine snorting gorillas, so...) and doesn't work with the current state of Hawkmoth, what with him being an almost comically abusive/evil parent instead of the "abusive via negligence but still loves his son" dad that i always saw him as in the earlier seasons, but I guess since this is an AU it's fine if we ignore canon somewhat.

Anyways, in this AU, Gabriel realizes that, despite being a fashion designer, over half of his Akuma designs are coming out really fucking ugly. Not willing to have this be his legacy, he manages to actually remember Adrien mentioning that his classmate, Marinette, has some real fashion talent. So, he reveals his supervillain identity to her (not knowing that she's Ladybug) and basically bribes/threatens her into helping him design better Akumas.

Marinette is, of course, freaking out over being trapped in a situation where Gabriel can not only make or break her future in fashion, but also has the power to ruin her or her family/friend's lives via his influence or by making them into Akumas or victims of Akumas. However, she realizes that her problem has a silver lining, which is that if she is the one designing Akumas, then she'll already know where the akumatized object is, plus she'll have opportunities to try and reclaim the Butterfly Miraculous. So, she agrees, and becomes Hawkmoth's partner in fashionable crime.

As the two spend more time together, Gabriel realizes that, huh, this girl really is talented, and she reminds him of his wife in both her genuine kindness and her ferocity whenever he threatens to make good on his threats. This tiny little baker is not taking his shit, and will gladly go toe to toe with him, even when she's not Ladybug.

This leads to him subtly manipulating her into opening up about her personal life, which isn't too hard because Marinette really doesn't have a lot of people who will actually listen to her problems and believe her at this point, and he learns about just how much drama goes on at her school. It's like a soap opera, and Akuma attacks go down simply because Gabriel's too invested in whatever bullshit Lila has concocted this time, or because Marinette lets him see some of her regular fashion concepts. This is also how he learns that Marinette has a crush on Adrien. (she doesn't tell him out right, he just picks up on it bc girly is not subtle)

All of this leads to Gabriel deciding that Marinette would make the perfect daughter-in-law, and a potential Butterfly/Peacock Miraculous holder, should something happen and he needs to prove he's not Hawkmoth/ he needs help pulling off a plan. After all, she already likes Adrien, she's actually talented in something that's relevant to his corporate empire, and although she usually appears meek, he knows she's willing to toughen up when she needs to!

Now all he needs to do is convince her...

[mr-legoman]

Here's my tierlist for the chapters in Rain Code

Quick Breakdown in ascending order

Ch.0 Worse Chapter. Tedious, a bad introduction, overly long Mystery Labyrinth. From the deaths to the killer I guessed most of what happened. It left a really bad taste in my mouth. I thought Kodak had learned nothing from Danganronpa and was just doing shock/surprise writing again. Shinigami also got on my nerves. Not joking when I say nearly gave up right there.

Ch.3 Is kinda filler. Some plot beats don't factor into the ending. Yuma kinda does stupid stuff. Personally I do like this one but it has the same problems as Ch. 1 (Weak Culprit) Also feels out of order. Ch.2 and Ch.4 both have culprits that force Yuma to encounter uncomfortable truths to reach his conclusion. This falls in line with Ch.1 and CH.0 where Yuma doesn't have qualms about the culprit. Could be considered, a okay if not for the sub returning and the ending. Fubuki was funny but still felt like discount Sonia.

CH.1 Okay. Most of its problems are obvious. Weak Culprit. Thought I hate Halara but actually a fun character. Investigate was interesting and a good Mystery Labyrinth. Also there is some foreshadowing in the ML about the culprit. Bonus points for not just being an annoying jab at Christianity or religion.

Ch.2 Fun investigation and Mystery Labyrinth.The gimmick of changing disguises also was great. Even background characters react differently. It was fun. Although Shinigami's jealousy still annoyed me Yuma grew a lot this chapter. Having to harden his resolve to reach the truth. Had good story and character beats. Fun

Ch.5 Great Atmosphere. What ever the faults of this chapter. That can't be taken away. Although you can guess most of the plot twists as soon as you make it to the factory. I still enjoyed the investigation. Mystery Labyrinth felt shorter but was an alright climax. Still feels like the plot twist hurts some of the story and raises too many questions but still fine. (Lower good but still good.)

Ch.4. The peak of the game. Great story setup, cool investigation, and great Mystery Labyrinth. Was worried that Vivia would turn into a Kokichi or Nagito but he was great. Having a good reason to push Yuma and force him to see the truth. The mystery actually got me stumped for a bit. The best culprit in the game and best story beats. I love that the detectives actually start working together in this chapter. They actually felt like a team. If only the rest of the game had this level of writing.

I did have but a longer breakdown of the chapters but I'm cutting it here.

[endobiologist]

Trans Guy Tips #3; Testosterone HRT, How to Inject, & Its Effects On Body & Mind, Pt. 1

Note: I will likely add more sections to this at a later time, as I learn more about taking testosterone and its effects. Be sure to check back!

1. First, and this can change depending on your body type and what your own endocrinologist recommends for you,

but personally for me and for a lot of transgender men, Testosterone Cypionate, usually 200mg each dose, is the best choice, and so is taking the injection form, doing that intramuscularly, and taking them bi-weekly, meaning every other week on the exact amount of time from the time you took your last dose.

My endocrinologist explained to me that this is due to if you overload your body with testosterone constantly, or if you overdose it in an attempt to get more effects, you will instead have the opposite effect where you will instead gain estrogen, and more of it, because testosterone converts to estrogen when there's an excess of it and the body senses it as something wrong!!

So please please never take more than you are supposed to take, prescribed officially by your doctor.

They usually recommend bi-weekly for most if choosing injections, because it makes it so the testosterone spreads evenly throughout your system the entire time, and just has a very even perfect use that makes the effect stronger and it makes your body get used to it quicker, which speeds up the effects significantly, and tends to be the healthiest option.

2. Also in terms of safety, never ever get testosterone from a non-official source like the black market, online, or from a friend. You cannot trust this, as it has not been evaluated medically whatsoever.

Also, most importantly, you don't have a medical professional there to see if your hormones and all your health is correct and good to start or continue, or what dose to take, or which kind works best for your body, as well as not having any checkups, which is also vital when you take a new hormone in your body to make sure everything is balancing right!!!

So it is very dangerous, you could accidentally overdose, or your body could malfunction somehow, or you could just be injecting yourself with stuff that doesn't work ever!!

There are many things that could go wrong, so PLEASE never ever EVER do this.

Get a trans-familiar endocrinologist.

3. Now mind you, there are other options for taking T if you just cannot handle injections whatsoever.

Option one are tablets called subdermal capsules that they implant under your skin, usually under your arm or shoulder skin as it seems to spread the best that way. They will slowly leak testosterone until they replenish themselves and you have to get them replaced.

Some people praise these as they are pretty even in effects, and they make it so you have a steady supply pretty well, and also you don't have to think about it very often as the tablets last quite a while.

The downside is, that despite its evenness quality, it doesn't actually have very strong effects.

It will still give you effects for sure, but it will take a lot longer, possibly multiple years, to see the full effects of it.

There are also things known as topical testosterone, where you can put a gel or cream on yourself and it will dose you with the amount it has in it.

This is the least invasive option, however it's one with a very small amount of testosterone, so it will take some of the longest to feel, or see, effects.

Also, I have heard from some people that if you are having someone else put the gel on you, if they accidentally get it on their skin, it will literally dose them with testosterone, which is not okay if you have someone who is not trans and does not want it doing it.

So if you choose this route, please do it yourself so you're not dosing any more on to other people, and instead just on to yourself.

It also doesn't waste the dose on others that way, and you get the full effects instead.

There is also things known as oral testosterone, taken through pill form. But I have heard some bad things about these, and I have heard recommendations not to use them due to there being a lot of downsides, as it doesn't absorb into your body nearly as well as any of the other options, even the slower ones.

But really what matters is what you need, and what your body needs, so even though injections provide the most amount and the most even supply when you use them, especially bi-weekly as well, it might be different for you as every single trans guy/transmasculine person is different, physically & mentally!

And some things work better for others, so consult with your doctor, and let them know the effects and the timing you want, and they will suggest options for you if you are not able to choose yourself without assistance due to lack of knowledge etc.

I would however recommend deeply researching every section of testosterone as I did, before going to an endocrinologist, so you are very prepared and know which kind you want already which will make the appointment take less time as well.

Also you never want to rely on the information of just one person, so always research.

Don't just trust my guide immediately or anyone's guide if it's just one you read, instead do your own research on many sites & forums, and find what works for you, as I can only say what works/worked for me.

4. And when it actually comes to the fun part, the injections,

I will give you a step-by-step guide on mostly how to have someone else inject you, but you can also take my advice for injecting yourself, however I have no advice for specifics of that, such as ways to calm yourself down from queasiness when doing it yourself, since I have never injected myself due to me honestly being just a little squeamish about doing it myself.

But I've always had my mother do it, and I have watched occasionally to see how best to do it, and have experienced it quite a few times now, so I know which way is the least painful as well.

If I were ever forced to do it myself, that way I would be able to because I know how to beforehand.

Now what you do is when you pick up your prescription of Testosterone, this is assuming if you take it bi-weekly and an injection form, you get two 1 ml bottles (A month's supply) and you have to unfortunately ask for & buy the syringe that comes preloaded with the needles.

Also make sure never to ask for just a needle, cuz they will literally give you just a needle, and no syringe.

It's happened to me before, LOL.

They usually have the syringes & needles in stock almost always, but there are a few occasions where they didn't have the needles.

But it is honestly annoying having to pay for something extra when the testosterone itself doesn't cost anything, yet the injection needles you need to use it do??? Lmao.

However it's not that annoying, because they're actually relatively cheap!

Here in Nevada, with no discounts used, they usually only cost you about like $3 usually, $4 at most, so it's pretty price effective.

5. I strongly recommend this, it was my mom's edition to this by the way, she strongly recommends as well,

that you should wait at least a month before taking your first dose of T.

Even when you just received it!

The reason for this is because sometimes they will be out of testosterone or out of needles, or you won't be able to afford it for whatever reason, you never know and it's so much better to have at least 1 if not 2 backup doses and syringes + needles on hand so you never have to worry about that.

I was impatient and injected the day I got it, and so though I haven't run into a problem yet, it is stressful knowing that if a mistake happens with the injection and the fluid leaks out too much, or something happens, whatever it is, that I won't have a backup dose.

So, I would highly recommend waiting a month or even two before injecting, so you have two doses and you pick it up way before you run out every time.

That's way more efficient.

6. Now although this comes from the point of view of someone who hasn't injected themselves, and only has been injected, I pretty much know how it works so I could if I had to, I would just be squeamish.

And for a lot of people they feel the same, so it's easier to get a family member or a close friend to do it for you, as long as they're always around when you need to take your dose.

Personally I have my mom do it because she's talented at injections due to having reptiles that needed some done the same way.

So, basically, you take everything out of its containers, and make sure not to touch the needle itself ever.

Once everything's out of its containers, then make sure to test if the needle is totally closed onto the syringe.

If it is, it's good to go.

Checking the tightness of the needle is very important because if you don't, you can end up having the needle pop off inside you, and release none of the testosterone actually inside of you, wasting a dose completely & it just hurts like a SOB.

Now, take the cap off the needle.

I would recommend always sanitizing the needle, the syringe, and also having a little gauze pad or paper towel piece, all soaked with rubbing alcohol to sterilize the area you will be injecting, so there is no risk of infection at all.

Although not extremely important, I'd recommend you'd also want to bring a tiny Band-Aid.

It will be a very very tiny wound, more like a dot, but it actually bleeds quite a bit after, due to it going deep in, so it's helpful to put a Band-Aid on just for the first hour or so, then take it off and let it breathe, and it heals super quick. It'll be gone before, or by the next day, usually.

Please remember not to touch the needle ever as it'd ruin its sterilization. They're usually sterilized, but it might be a good idea to sterilize them again just in case, to basically make sure there is no risk of infection whatsoever.

Also this is just a common sense cleanliness rule,

but I still want to state it to make sure people know;

Always throw away every single needle and syringe you use, as soon as you are done using it.

Do not keep it or EVER re-inject with the same needle.

And also be sure to throw away any testosterone you have left that is excess from your dose.

You do not need that, as it goes bad and won't work after being exposed to air, so it's impossible to save and use later, unfortunately.

Now, you will be injecting intramuscularly in the leg, either leg will do, hell you can switch them up each time if you'd like. It doesn't matter much.

This means you will be injecting on the area of your thigh that is a little high up, and towards the top, but a little to the outer side.

This means the testosterone is injected straight between the muscles, and goes to the bloodstream quickly also, when you inject.

Now you want to remove the lid from the Testosterone Cypionate bottle, and shake It up very very good, so that there are no bubbles, no particles visible in the Testosterone, and no oil separation either.

If it looks completely clear, or is a slight yellowish colour but mixed together well, then you're good to go.

The possible slight yellowish color comes from the cottonseed oil that they use to store the testosterone correctly in.

It makes it to where you have to use a little bit of a bigger needle to inject yourself with, but it's actually a very very small needle and it's not painful very much at all.

A lot of myths I read about testosterone before I received it said the needles were huge and scary and painful, but the truth is they're not at all, even to me who's slightly scared of needles and has low ability to tolerate pain.

Literally, popping a zit hurts worse than the injections.

The pain is something like a very tiny ant bite, or a slight pinch on your skin, it doesn't really hurt very much at all.

In fact, whenever I take mine, even the very first time I did, I didn't even make a sound! And it's over very quickly, as well.

I would recommend for the easiest time however, for a little higher price, getting a 21 gauge syringe needle, and also an 18 gauge syringe needle for each dose you take.

The 21 gauge is larger for drawing up the testosterone from the vial easier than the 18 gauge would.

Then you remove that 21g needle from that syringe, and instead put on the 18 gauge for the actual injecting.

If you want a cheaper price tag, and/or you're just lazy like me, you can get away with using just an 18 gauge needled syringe, however it makes it much significantly harder to draw up out of the vial.

It is still quite possible, but is for sure challenging, mistakes can occur so be very careful if you choose this route.

Now when you're trying to draw up the Testosterone Cypionate out of the bottle, you want to hold it upside down, or downward at an angle kind of diagonal, and you want to make sure the needle is visibly in the liquid.

Then, you draw back slowly, but try and fill it as much as you can. You can always dispose of extra that you don't need.

If using only the 18 gauge like said earlier, which is what I personally do, it is very hard to draw up out of the bottle, so be very careful, and try to figure out the trick to it, is all I can say.

Everyone has a different trick for it.

Don't use all the testosterone in the bottle however for your actual being-injected-dose.

You need to usually use only 75 mL of the 1 ml bottle each dose.

Also before you ever inject, but after you fill the syringe, make sure to aspirate the needle, which means to act like you're injecting it, in the air pointing up, needle upwards, and you very slowly push down, which expels a little bit of the testosterone, but you also expel any air particles or bubbles that are trapped inside.

This is why you want to put a little more in the syringe than you actually will inject, because when you aspirate the needle some will leak out and make it the perfect amount to inject, rather than losing it an amount of it that you need.

If there is even a single bubble inside the syringe, that can cause a heart attack, and many other deadly problems!!!

So do not ever inject, if there is a bubble in your syringe.

If there is, best case scenario is you try to aspirate it heavily, even if you need to then refill it somewhat afterwards, the most important part is making sure no air bubbles are in it.

If there is no way to get the bubble out, you'd need to buy a new syringe, as it most likely has a deformation of some kind.

But that's the worst case scenario, and personally I haven't experienced that yet.

That, however, is why it is so important to aspirate, to make sure there's no air left in the syringe before you inject.

Now you want to make sure to get exactly .75 ml, that you put it up to the line right before 1 ml and that's about the amount you need.

And remember; never take more than prescribed, it will have the opposite affects you want.

Now that you know all the details, here is how to perform injecting the actual testosterone.

You take the needle to the sterilized area of thigh that you cleaned with the rubbing alcohol.

And you can either use a kind of sideways diagonal position to go in, or you can use straight on.

I find straight on makes it much less painful for me, so I usually go with that, but either way works, and whatever is most comfortable for you is what you should use.

Now you just go in kind of slowly, and try not to move the needle around too much, just push slowly all the way in 'till the needle is completely in the leg.

Then dispense slowly the testosterone to the intramuscular area, and once all the testosterone is out of the syringe and inside your bloodstream, pull it out very slowly, all the while holding the skin around it firmly, so that it doesn't hurt as much pulling it out. If you pull it out fast it fuckin' hurts.

You can also sterilize the area of injection again, if you want, but it's not really necessary.

Then, you just put that Band-Aid previously mentioned on, for like an hour, and you're good!

7. Now for the effects of testosterone, though I don't have a perfect timeline. But around one DAY in, I noticed for some reason my clitoral growth where your clitoris pretty much changes into a tiny penis except the urethra doesn't move unfortunately without surgery.

It can grow one to two inches at max, although I have not experienced that much yet.

However for some reason I had definitely experienced minor clitoral growth pretty much as soon as I took my first shot of testosterone, which is incredibly rare, as it's supposed to happen six months to a year in and be one of the later effects!! But for some reason, it was the first effect I got, so that really goes to show that everyone is built quite different, so some things in this guide might not be totally accurate for everyone.

1 week in, I started experiencing a very hoarse voice, not a sore throat or anything, but just where your voice sounds like you're sick or you're losing your voice, for some reason.

This is the first step in your voice changing to a deeper baritone.

It's usually not painful whatsoever, but I have heard from some people that it can irritate their throat occasionally due to the foreign feeling of it, this stage doesn't last very long though.

Then, about 1 month in, I started noticing extensive hair growth. Also I seem to have got way darker hair than any of my family members ever had, and way more hair than they ever had, so you can't totally rely on the predictions of what your family looks like to see how you're going to change.

You kind of have to be ready for anything to happen, but usually the hair growth and the masculinity of your family will almost always pass on to you when you transition physically.

This can even include male pattern baldness eventually.

Sometimes it happens to trans men immediately after taking it, other times it will take years and other times it will be when they're elderly like cis men have.

Personally, I have not seen any male pattern baldness yet, however my front l of my hair slightly receded back and in the shape of male members of my dad's side of my family, but nothing like a total receding hairline.

It still looks like a full head of hair!

Usually you can tell what type of hair you get by looking at your family members closely.

If your family includes a lot of thick hairy people naturally, then you are going to usually get very large amounts of hair.

If you have a family with barely any hair, or very light coloured hair, you'll usually get a small amount of hair or a large amount of hair but with light colour. Personally, I got real lucky so it's clear that there are exceptions, but that's usually how it goes is that you can look to your family members as to how you're going to look and sound like.

About 3 months in, my voice started really deepening and I mean really deep. But the funny thing about it is that sometimes it will switch from being really low and masculine and amazing, to being kind of regular like before, to a little low but not super low, and even to what I call the "permanent helium" which makes you literally sound like you inhaled helium but it's literally just your vocal cords cracking that bad from growing to a male length.

Sometimes it will crack in a way where you can't stop talking in that high pitch, and it's really awkward, but it is also really funny if you learn to laugh at yourself, and always remind yourself that this is the process of gaining a deeper voice.

I have heard that vocal training to make your voice deeper also helps exponentially for more effects if you want a super deep voice.

About 4 to 5 months in, which is where I'm currently at, I've experienced way more hair growth!

Even more so than the start of it.

My head hair seems to be thicker and healthier for some reason, I'm not sure why because I have never heard of that affecting your head hair, its texture, or its thickness like that?

But it seems to have happened, so I guess it's possible?

I'm gaining a moustache and a few beard hairs, but mainly my moustache is super dark and already very visible.

Also due to my moustache and my deep voice alone, now I can already pass pretty much 100% of the time if maybe 99%, and I'm a very naturally baby-faced person too, so that's impressive!

My voice is mainly settled into a pretty deep baritone.

It still has a little bit of a high pitch sometimes, but barely.

I can tell there's a little more progress needed, but not much.

I don't do the helium thing as much as I used to, but it does still occasionally occur as lengthening your vocal cords, which is what occurs when you take testosterone, can be a lengthy and frustrating process at times.

I have also specifically seen lots of body hair at this time, way more than the sparse amount at first, including even a happy trail and a little bit of chest hair although it's not noticeable yet unless you squint, but it still has way more than I used to!

Also my hair on my arms, and especially on my legs, is thick, dark and everywhere.

I've also noticed my fat is starting tk begin redistributing a little bit.

It's not totally doing it yet, but it's getting close, as my thighs, hips, and behind area lost a bunch of weight, while my stomach gained a little bit of weight and so did my arms.

I also gained a fair bit of muscle as not only can I see it when I flex, but also I can lift things a little easier than I used to, and muscle seems to develop easier for me, even when I work out barely.

I've never been a very physical person, so it's still hard, but it's way easier now that I take testosterone.

Those are all the effects I have to record right now, as I'm only 4-5 months in, but I will update this with new parts as I experience more and more.

Also, please take all effects and timelines with a grain of salt, because everybody works differently.

Also I specifically was mentioning Testosterone Cypionate, bi-weekly injection form, so if you take testosterone in a different way, some of this might be different, irrelevant or even completely useless to you, but I am only able to provide information on these forms as they're the only form I've taken of it myself.

Now, to quickly dispel a few stupid myths that circulate around taking testosterone, to ease your worries.

Myth #1. "Testosterone makes you aggressive, violent, and a bad person!"

The truth is that testosterone does not change who you are, whatsoever.

It can however change certain little preferences like for example what flavor food you like will sometimes change, but usually not all foods, just a couple, or sometimes even just one.

It can change little tiny details, like maybe your favorite colour may change, and it definitely does have its emotional effects for sure, but it does not make anyone aggressive or violent automatically.

Testosterone is not an angry hormone, and estrogen is not a peaceful hormone, despite what most people stereotype them as being, so just blanketing everyone under the term of "aggressive" because they have testosterone in them is straight-up incorrect at best, and also sexist at worst.

Estrogen is not better than testosterone. Testosterone is not better than estrogen. It just matters what you want in your body.

What it may actually do is sometimes, people will experience a wide variety of emotions, including extreme euphoria and confidence (that's the effect I seem to have had, thankfully!)

Other people however will get very emotional and sad and will cry over things easier, and no, that's not an estrogen trait, testosterone can do that too.

And sometimes, on a rare occasion, people can get more irritable or cranky. But they're never violent.

They just get a little grumpier than usual.

However, all these emotional effects eventually do phase out and stabilize, and you'll be back to all your regular moods.

You never truly change who you are as an individual, and your beliefs and morals will stay the same.

It's not like you will completely change into a different person, you will never have to fear that, nor should any of your family and friends.

Myth #2. "Testosterone is steroids, right? So doesn't that mean that you're stronger than everyone else?"

This is a ridiculous notion, and I'm not even sure how it got spread im the first place, but I've heard it firsthand, and it's really as stupid as it sounds.

Testosterone is not steroids, they may have some similar properties due to chemical makeup, but they are not in any way steroids.

Steroids are an addictive & potentially harmful drug. Testosterone is a naturally occuring hormone that we all have some of.

For instance, testosterone also does not make you any more muscular just automatically.

It can make you a little more muscled subtly due to the muscle structure changing to that of a cis man's, but it can't straight up make you jacked, that's just not possible.

Also it does not make you any stronger than anyone else.

It might make you a little stronger than a cis female, but you are not stronger than a cis man, in fact you're weaker, due to starting out assigned female at birth.

I'm not sure why people assume that if you take testosterone, that means you're strong??

Because you're taking testosterone because you don't have any so clearly you don't have very much.

I'm not totally sure where this silly notion got spread, possibly as a way to make trans people feel guilty for taking T, by making them think it's a drug, and it's just not when you look at the facts.

It's good to dissuade folks who think this way, from this notion, as it can also make us look like drug addicts or on steroid pills, which both are just completely false.

Testosterone is not even addictive.

It's a natural hormone inside your body.

Myth #3. "Testosterone will give you all forms of cancer, and strokes and heart attacks, almost certainly!"

I'm not sure where or how this got spread either, it is true that it is possible, they said, in a scientific study, that they can't confirm completely that it could theoretically make your chances of stroke and heart attack a little higher due to your system basically changing to that of a cis man's, and going through a cis man's puberty.

But honestly, you have less risk of strokes and heart attacks than even cis men do, and you don't have a prostate which is a common location for men to get cancer, so you actually have an advantage over most!

It's very rare that you would ever come into contact with one of these things happening, pretty much as rare if a little less as it would be if you didn't take T at all.

There is also no evidence whatsoever that testosterone causes cancer, of any kind, let alone all of them.

A lot of people have tried to spread this rumour, to stop people from getting HRT treatment, which is really cruel and fucked up, and a lot of parents will use the "cancer" excuse as a way to not give their child HRT.

The truth is that it does not cause cancer, and that is a complete myth.

There's actually some evidence that being on T might improve your chances of fighting cancer, and having a stronger immune system for it as well.

Myth #4. This kind of goes along with the other one, but some people believe that "If you take testosterone, you could be shortening your lifespan by many years!!"

This is complete speculation, nothing has been confirmed.

It's possible, perhaps, that it could shorten your lifespan by a couple years, but not many.

You still would have an advantage over cis men again.

But it's never been truly proved that your lifespan gets shorter from T, so there is no reason to fear less of your life occuring just because you're trying to make yourself happier.

All right, I think that's all the rumours I can set straight, and all the info & advice about injections and medicine and general information about testosterone that I can give you at the moment.

I will update this post later, so please check back again in maybe a few month's time from now, as then I will have more effects to discuss.

But if I want to leave you with anything to think about,

remember that testosterone is a completely safe and natural chemical hormone that produces itself in your body already.

You just don't have enough of it to look the masculine way you want to.

It is not dangerous, it won't hurt you and if you really want it, go after it!!

But I would also very much advise you to be sure you want to go ahead with it, and that you are okay with all effects happening.

Because if you aren't, if you are even the least bit hesitant, not only will the doctor not allow you to proceed because you are not mentally fit to yet,

but also if you did end up taking testosterone then you could end up getting effects that you don't want, and having them be permanent, and causing you dysphoria for the rest of your life.

So please, make sure to know yourself well, and know your wants and needs clearly.

I also highly recommend having a psychiatrist or a mental health therapist for quite a while before going into testosterone therapy.

Not only does it make you more qualified to acquire testosterone because it shows you actually thought it through, but also it is exceedingly helpful for the mental and physical changes you will be proceeding with over these next years.

The last thing I want to say, my closing note, is congratulations on your testosterone, if you received it!

And I hope my guide helped in any way, and apologies if it ended up really long this time, there's a lot of things you need to know about T.

Thank you for reading, and I hope this humble trans guy's journal entries help you at all.

- Atom T. L. Yorke

[sigmaleph]

@serinemolecule asked me for hot takes on this 2006 article on Argentinian food, which I am now reorganising into a proper post for y'all's consumption. you're welcome.

First of all: the titular thesis that you should eat two steaks a day. I am forced to clarify that as 'should's go you should eat zero steaks a day, but this is ethical rather dietary advice and I don't follow it as well as I should, so, y'know. I would engage with this on the level it was stated, but I actually have no opinion on it. Moving on...

Argentine beef really is extraordinary. Almost all of this has to do with how the cows are raised. There are no factory feedlots in Argentina; the animals still eat pampas grass their whole lives, in open pasture, and not the chicken droppings and feathers mixed with corn that pass for animal feed in the United States.

This is, as it happens, completely false. There absolutely is plenty of feedlot beef being eaten in Argentina, and this was also the case back when this article was written. There's grass-fed beef too, and maybe the writer structured their life around only eating those, but the claim that there are no feedlots is just not true.

if you let them make the call, you get a two-inch thick of meat[...]The Argentine steak stands alone, towering three inches over the plate,[...]This gorgeous specimen is called a lomito; it's a standard lunchtime steak, clearly so thin that the Argentines are embarrassed to send it out into the world without a protective wrapping of ham and cheese

I have no idea what their obsession with steak thickness is; meat exists at various levels of thick and thin to suit various tastes. If you like yours thick that's fine but quit the projecting, y'know.

As you might expect, vegetarians will have a somewhat rough time here. For most people in Argentina, a vegetarian is something you eat. One's diet will accordingly lean heavily on pastas, gnocchi, salads, and (for the less squeamish ) fish. Vegans will not survive in Argentina.

This is, unfortunately, true (well, hyperbole, but). Rinna had a rather bad time trying to find vegan food when fae came over for visits. The situation is improving slowly, at least.

The homemade cookies bought in the minimarket downstairs taste of steak. [picture of alfajores de maicena[

Jesus. Find somewhere better to buy your snacks.

It should be no surprise that the land of beef also has excellent milk and butter. The milk comes in plastic bags that would give any American marketing department a heart attack. They proudly advertise "GUARANTEED 100% BRUCELLOSIS AND HOOF-AND-MOUTH FREE". One brand even brags that its bacteria count never exceeds 100,000 per mL, and prints daily statistics to prove it (only 82,000 bacteria/mL on Monday! mmm!).

Are you under the impression American milk doesn't contain bacteria and that when it spoils it's because of the molecules' sheer willpower? Or do you just object to the reminder that they exist?

This menu is delicious, but with rare exceptions it is all you are going to get. People coming for more than a few weeks are advised to bring a discreet bottle of Tabasco sauce.

Eat at better restaurants.

With any order from the master menu comes the Bread Basket, which should be treated as you would treat a basket of wax fruit, that is, as a purely decorative ornament. It is considered bad form to actually eat anything from Bread Basket

What are you talking about. Do all your dining companions just suck, eat some bread.

Dulce de leche is a culinary cry for help. It says "save us, we are baffled and alone in the kitchen, we don't know what to do for dessert and we're going to boil condensed milk and sugar together until help arrives". This cloying dessert tar is so impossibly sweet that you wish you were ten years old again, just so you could actually enjoy it. It is everywhere. There is a special dulce de leche shelf in the supermarket dairy case, and the containers go up to a liter in size. Even the churros are stuffed with it - the churros, Montresor!

It is rare that I feel insulted for the sake of my country, but this? How dare you.

Yes, of course we fill churros with dulce de leche; the real question is why anyone doesn't, short of dietary restrictions. Finding out that people do otherwise was like learning that in other countries, "sandwich" just means two slices of bread. Live a little. Eat a real godsdamned churro.

I spent a considerable amount of time trying to figure out how meals work in Argentina, and they remain a mystery to me. Dinner is clear enough: people tend to go to restaurants beginning at ten o'clock (for those with small children), with the main rush around eleven, and dinner is pretty much over at one or so in the morning. And breakfast - or rather, its absence - follows as a logical consequence of eating a steak the size of a beagle at midnight. But I have yet to figure out whether people eat some kind of meal in the afternoon, and if so, when.

At... noon? Like. We eat lunch. Usually somewhere around 12:00. I am eating lunch right now, and I have done so essentially every day of my life. This is just baffling.

I've come to think the culprit in the missing Argentine lunch scene is yerba mate.

how.

Where the ignorant foreigner may see just another kind of herbal tea (yerba mate is a very unassuming shrub that grows in the northern parts of the country) the Argentine sees a taste treat of unimaginable subtlety, and a tonic for all his problems. The Wikipedia article on proper mate preparation should give you a warning of the level of obsessiveness attainable here (the Urugayans are even worse). To the virgin palate, mate tastes like green tea mixed with grass clippings. The beverage is traditionally drunk out of a little gourd, through a metal straw called a bombilla, with hot (but not boiling!!) water poured into it (without wetting the surface!! clockwise!!) from a thermos.

Yeah, this is accurate. Well, not the clockwise part, never heard anyone complain about that and I can't imagine it mattering.

What distinguishes mate from coffee and tea is the social context - two or more people share a gourd, with a designated pourer in charge of refilling it with hot water after each turn. The ritual is low-fuss but indispensible. You can buy mate gourds and thermoses in any grocery store, and get your thermos filled with hot water at any convenience store or gas station, but you will never see mate served in restaurants or sold in little disposable paper gourds, to go. it's not that people refuse to drink mate alone - anyone working a solitary shift will have a gourd in hand - but that the concept of being served mate by someone who does not share it with you seems impossible.

This is also true. Attempts have been made to sell to-go mate but it's never very popular, the social ritual is important. Also unfortunately a disease vector, I haven't had any mate in a year and a half.

Mate aficionados will tell you that mate contains a special compound, mateine, that serves as a tonic and mild stimulant, promoting alertness without making it hard to sleep, reducing fatigue and appetite, helping the digestion and serving as a mild diuretic. Scientists will tell you that mateine bears a suspicious resemblance to a chemical called caffeine. Mate aficionados will then grow indignant, explaining that mateine is really a stereoisomer (mirror image) of caffeine, with different effects, which will in turn irritate the scientists, who will snap that caffeine doesn't have a chiral center, so it can't have a distinguishable mirror image, and why don't the mate aficionados just put a sock in it.

The first part of this is true; some people definitely think "mateine" is different from caffeine and it absolutely isn't. Never heard the stereoisomer claim before but googling it does confirm some people say so.

still have no idea what any of this has to do with lunch, though. I promise you nobody skips lunch because mate is just too filling.

The wine here is very good (something has to stand up to that steak), but Argentina has no liquor to call its own, relying on whiskies like Old Smuggler and the low-maintenance Don Juan cognac to carry the flag.

There's a fundamental omission from this list and it's called fernet.

Beer is ubiquitous and comes in a bewildering variety of sizes, although there is a skittishness about the full-on liter. Things level off at 970 mL. In my case, it means I end up drinking 1940 mL of beer as a kind of personal protest, and all is well with the world. To make up for the abundance of sizes, beer comes in only one variety, Quilmes, which inevitably comes served with a tripartite platter of snacks - nuts, salty cylinders, and aged potato chips.

I never had trouble buying beer by the litre, but I confess I never tried to do so in 2006 on account of being under 18 at the time.

Anyway, beer comes in a lot more varieties today, thankfully, because Quilmes sucks. I'll never be a beer person, but at least these days there's options I tolerate.

[original post]

[strawberry1212]

The healthy masculinity of Seongyeom in Run On

“Masculinity” itself is a difficult concept, but in this post I intend on using the word less in association to a person’s gender, and more as a characteristic that both women and men can embody. For example, I think Mijoo has masculine characteristics such as assertiveness, and Seongyeom has more feminine characteristics such as doing nurturing acts of service towards those he cares about. I believe a well rounded person has both masculine and feminine qualities, and one set of qualities should not be prized over the other (as masculine qualities are routinely over-valued in our society). (This is a complicated topic, so any discussion on gender/gender expression is appreciated and I am willing to learn!)

The typical toxic masculinity

Seongyeom’s healthy masculinity stands out starkly in a Kdrama sea of toxic masculinity. I have made a list breaking down toxic masculinity tropes in Kdramas, but essentially Kdrama Male Leads (ML) draw their masculinity from dominance over others. This is usually in the form of being in a dominating position over the female lead (FL), such as being her boss, being above her in a high school social hierarchy, or she is under some contract to serve him. He also usually dominates society at large, being the son of an heir, a CEO, etc., some position where he benefits from the capitalist exploitation of others. The scenes that showcase the ML’s masculinity are when he asserts dominance over the FL through wrist grabs, backing her into a corner, etc., or when he flaunts his wealth (the typical scene in an upscale store, “we’ll buy everything from here to there”), and provides these Grand Romantic Gestures via his wealth (helicopter rides, renting out a whole restaurant just to talk to her, etc.). He knows what he wants, he goes after it, and he gets it, the “it” often being the objectified FL. As viewers we are supposed to swoon over the fantasy of being dominated by this rich, hot man. 

Seongyeom’s healthy masculinity

Now enter Seongyeom. Seongyeom does not really seek to dominate anyone--instead his masculinity stems from his defense of those weaker, and his commitment to his values. He is strong because of his goodness, rather than the typical male lead being soft/good in spite of his masculinity.

The core plot point is his relationship to Woosik: although him beating up Woosik’s bullies is a display of more typical masculinity, his overall protection of Woosik was not in that act of violence, but in his persistence to be held accountable for that act of violence. In the toxic sports world where violence was not held accountable, Seongyeom’s protest was not to commit the act of violence, but to openly admit it and force others to hold the act of violence accountable. He repeatedly states that non-defensive violence is not ok no matter what, breaking with the traditional toxic masculinity that a guy fighting for the girl or some other “valiant” reason is therefore okay. 

Seongyeom has a rare integrity, and his unshakeable commitment to this integrity is what impresses his masculinity upon the viewer. The hallmark moment of his protection of Woosik is again, not in beating up his bullies, but in boycotting the race, and coming forward about the violence and demanding to be held accountable. This action was peaceful, but incredibly courageous. He is protective (a typically masculine trait) of Woosik, but not through violence or abuse of power, but by having the courage and integrity to do the right thing.

When he protects/supports Mijoo, it is also not in a possessive way. I think a prime example is when Mijoo gets sick: it’s a classic Kdrama trope, girl gets sick from overworking, guy arrives to save her. Any other Kdrama would have him arrive just as she’s fainting and catch her. Using his wealth, he would get the VIP room of a hospital for her. But Run On is different. Mijoo is able to get to the hospital herself--she doesn’t need saving. However, he arrives to stay by her side supportively, and when the old ladies are annoying her, instead of using a combative method, he is his normal, gentle self, and charms them into being more quiet.

The drama’s handling of Seongyeom’s privilege

A cornerstone of toxic ML masculinity is his position of immense wealth and power. Interestingly, Seongyeom also comes from a background of wealth and power. However, rather than fetishizing it, as kdramas tend to do, Seongyeom is clearly separate from his family’s background. This is established from the fact that rather than simply being a CEO inheriting his family’s company, he has made a name for himself as a runner, having his own profession, with his own unique skills. The drama generally refrains from ostentatious displays of his wealth, and his actions for Mijoo are acts of service and time (bring her a glass to drink her soju out of, taking the driver job for her, moving close to her so she has to walk less, and overall being a kind, supportive little bean to her), rather than servicing his immense wealth to her . 

More importantly, it is how the drama handles the emotional impacts of Seongyeom’s privilege. Usually wealthy, but lonely backgrounds are used as an opportunity to excuse the male lead’s disrespectful behavior, to explain away his shitty personality, and also as an opportunity for the cheerful and kind female lead to “heal” the male lead. I cannot stress how much this trope disgusts me, as this “broken man just needs the right, patient woman to fix him�� narrative is the kind of mentality that keeps women in domestic violence relationships. It is so harmful, and also serves to put down other women (I need to prove I’m different from other women, I understand him, I can change him, I will succeed where other women who were too shallow to understand his scars have failed, etc.). Seongyeom is far from a jerk male lead, but he still has emotional difficulties from his upbringing, primarily that he is inexpressive. Jerk male leads are also inexpressive about their emotions, and usually heap verbal abuse upon the female lead, but it is just brushed off as a “quirk” that the girl must put up with because she knows, ultimately, through his Grand Romantic Gestures, that he loves her. In Run On, his inexpressiveness is instead treated as a real problem that he must work through. He journals his feelings to work through them, and undergoes difficult discussions with Mijoo about his tendency to put up walls. It is shown as part of his growth, rather than something Mijoo must just accept.

Mijoo is key to Seongyeom’s healthy masculinity, because so much of toxic masculinity is based off of the female lead’s passive, objectified state. The toxic trope of Power Imbalance cannot work because Mijoo is a financially independent, career-driven adult. The One-sided Pursuit trope also cannot work because Mijoo is always willing to put in her share of the effort in the formation of their relationship. She meets him halfway, and maintains open communication of their problems so that there is no space for weird toxic male jealousy/noble idiocy tropes, etc.

As I’m writing this I realize maybe why I like Seongyeom so much is not just because of his healthy masculinity, i.e. healthy ways of being protective, strong, etc., but also because of how in touch he is with femininity, and vice versa with Mijoo both being a blend of masculine and feminine qualities. I really love this drama so much, and I can’t wait for the episodes to come <3

[letsbeoutoftouch]

Back in December 2016, during a sleepover, my friends and I decided to watch EXO's Chanyeol's most recent movie, "So I Married an Anti-Fan". It effortlessly became one of my favourite movies, so much so that I rewatch it —at least— once a year.

Therefore, when it was first announced that South Korea was going to produce a drama based on the same story, I was thrilled. The feeling only increased when I found out that the male lead was Choi Tae-Joon, whom I loved because of Suspicious Partner. Later (to be more precise, this year), I discovered that the other lead was the one and only Sooyoung from SNSD!

The drama was filmed back in 2018, and it was supposed to air a loooot sooner, but it had a few problems and it finally came out this year. Since I don't like waiting for episodes to come out each week, I waited until it finished airing to watch it... And, today, I finished it!

So, here's my review, fresh out the oven!

· · ·

So I Married an Anti-Fan is a 2021 South Korean drama, featuring Choi Tae-Joon, Choi Sooyoung, Hwang Chansung and Han Ji-Ahn. It's based on the novel "그래서 나는 안티팬과 결혼했다" (So I Married an Anti-Fan), written by Kim Eun Jun and published in 2010.

· · ·

♡ PLOT:

The story revolves around Hoo Joon (Tae-Joon), a well-known idol, and Geun Young (Sooyoung), a magazine reporter. They meet during an event, where a series of misunderstandings leads them to have a bad impression of each other.

For this reason, when Geun Young loses her job, she's under the impression that it was Hoo Joon's doing and is therefore keen on "reveal" Joon's real character. However, her retaliation backfires, and she attracts a lot of attention as his "anti-fan".

Later, a TV producer approaches them both to star in a reality show. Geun Young and Hoo Joon accept and think to give each other a hard time on set. But, as time goes by, they get to know each other better and better.

· · ·

♡ EPISODES:

It's made up of 16 episodes, running for an hour each (i.e., your typical k-drama).

· · ·

♡ CHARACTERS:

-Geun Young (FL): She's the best character, hands down (I swear I'm not being biased because I love Sooyoung).

For some reason, I've seen a lot of bad comments about this character. I don't truly understand why some people said that she didn't stand up for herself or that she was so-so, when she dealt really well with everything that had happened to her. I'd like to see all those people in her shoes—I bet they'd have cracked up quickly.

Also, she's like the least toxic character I've ever come across in a drama. She waits patiently for Joon to deal with his problems and doesn't jump to conclusions regarding his relationship with In Hyeong and Jae Joon. She lets him do his thing, is an independent woman, and tries to be as little of a burden as she can to the people she cares about. So, props to her!

▫ ▫ ▫

-Hoo Joon (ML): Although I overall liked his character, I admit that if I hadn't previously watched the movie, I'd probably be wary of him at the beginning. But, don't worry: as the story progresses, you get to know him better. He's patient and thinks of other people's feelings and well-being a lot (sometimes, a little too much for his own good, but he's a good boy).

I felt the need to include that there was this one scene where he acts... In a way that I didn't find appealing. Fortunately, he isn't like that all throughout the drama. Also, he isn't toxic like a lot of the male leads in drama-land. If you're wondering which scene I'm referring to, here's a spoiler: *SPOILER ALERT* When he and Geun Young start dating, they are requested to film an advertisement together. In the filming, he acts all "jealous" because the dress she was wearing was too short for his liking. I'm sorry, but she's the only one who has a say on how short a dress she's wearing is—not you, not even if you're her partner *END OF SPOILER ALERT*.

▫ ▫ ▫

-JJ/Jae Joon (SML): Jae Joon is the second male lead, and he was portrayed by 2PM's Chansung.

I'm sorry, but I never could come to terms with this character, not even during the last episodes. If the writers' intention was for me to hate him, they (and Chansung's acting) totally achieved that purpose.

He is incredibly selfish and keeps this attitude up to episode 13/14. Towards the ending, the story tries that the audience feels some sympathy towards him—it is shown why he acted the way he did. Nevertheless, in my opinion, while his past may explain his actions, it doesn't justify any of them. That's why I couldn't bring myself to feel sympathetic or empathetic towards him. *SPOILER ALERT* In fact, I think Hoo Joon was too nice to be there for him in the last two or three episodes. *END OF SPOILER ALERT*

He's also outright abusive. *SPOILER ALERT* I mean, he slapped In Hyeong and broke her laptop ¿?... Even though I didn't like her that much, nothing justifies that kind of violent behaviour. *END OF SPOILER ALERT*

▫ ▫ ▫

-In Hyeong (SFL): She's the second female lead, portrayed by actress Han Ji-Ahn.

Oh, man. I had a hard time trying to wrap my head around this character. I was just going to say that I couldn't stand her because she was always purposely putting a spanner in the works, making everyone's life difficult.

However, as I was drafting this review, I began reflecting on the character and felt sympathy for her. She was in a vulnerable place—leaving aside that she felt abandoned by her first love, she had trouble trying to make her career take off, and she was in a really abusive relationship. It could be argued that JJ and In Hyeon were both toxic to each other, but it was clear that he was the one with the upper hand (he was the CEO of her new agency, which brings a real disbalance of power).

Moreover, it was hinted several times that all she went through took a toll on her mental health (*SPOILER ALERT* she was always taking pills to calm down, and she freaking tried to kill herself!!!!!!! *END OF SPOILER ALERT*). I believe she needed professional help to put herself back together, so she could let go of her past and finally leave that abusive relationship.

· · ·

♡ COUPLES:

Since this drama mostly gravitates towards romantic relationships, I'm including this section.

▫ ▫ ▫

-Geun Young x Hoo Joon: They are your typical enemies to lovers.

In the beginning, their relationship was tainted by a lot of misunderstandings, which led them to hate each other's guts (but, where's the charm in a k-drama that isn't filled with misunderstandings, am I right?). Once they started to spend more time together, they began understanding each other better. In time, they were able to leave their pride aside and got rid of their prejudices (yes, the story gives Jane Austen-ish vibes, so much so that "Pride and Prejudice" is mentioned a few times).

Their chemistry was alright. I would have changed some parts of the script that made a lot of scenes to be super cringey—especially, before some of their kisses (like, what a way to ruin such an awaited moment!).

The thing I liked the most about them was that neither of them was toxic, and they knew how and when to give the other person space. They were sweet, but not unbearable sweet—just the exact amount.

▫ ▫ ▫

-In Hyeong x Jae Joon: I don't know if they can be considered a true couple, but I'm adding them here just to repeat that I HATED THEM TOGETHER.

· · ·

♡ SOME PERSONAL INTERPRETATIONS AND THOUGHTS:

For me, the story tries to show the two sides of the same coin: things that may seem completely different, but are essentially the same. You can see it with Hoo Joon/Geun Young, their friends, and even with Hoo Joon/Jae Joon. Of course, this could be argued—it is just my personal impression.

Also, while the drama condemns some of the toxic fan behaviour, it sometimes romanticises it. *SPOILER ALERT* one fan freaking kidnapped him, and everything was suddenly alright ¿¿ Nuh-uh *END OF SPOILER ALERT*

· · ·

♡ DRAMA VS. MOVIE:

As I mentioned above, there's a prior Chinese movie from 2016 that was based on this novel. It features EXO's Chanyeol, Yuan Shan Shan, SNSD's Seohyun, and Jian Chao.

For obvious reasons, the story is shrunk down in the movie. There are a lot of things that weren't included in the movie, other things were overly simplified, and some stuff was missing and/or changed.

If you want to have a good laugh, then I recommend you to watch the movie. It's filled with non-sensical comedy that, in my opinion, China excels at. However, if you are more inclined towards drama, then the South Korean version is the one for you (you'll laugh, too, don't worry).

· · ·

♡ SUMMARY:

This is, basically, a sweet enemies-to-lovers, famous-person-and-normal-person story. If you like any of those troupes, then you're in for a treat.

It's a really lighthearted story that will make you laugh. Don't expect a complicated plot because there won't be one. It's ideal to have a break from all those dramas where you can't miss a single detail because you'll get lost, or from those dramas which plots are so heavy they end up tiring your mind out.

I loved the cast, and their acting was great (especially Chansung's, because he made me hate his character with a passion, lmao).

ALSO, if you like Sung Hoon (My Secret Romance, Oh My Venus) like me, then WATCH THIS DRAMA, lol. He has a guest role in some episodes!

· · ·

So I Married an Anti-Fan is available on VIKI!

· · ·

If you read the whole review, thank you very much! I hope you liked it.

[kuronokiseki]

A Few Years Had Passed, the BL Genre has Changed Alot... Yet I Still Love Romantica

But seriously, if you love something, is it necessary to have a reason? xD Can't I love something merely because I want to? Like, you don't need to have a reason to like fried chicken amirite?

Ahem. Anyway. Long post ahead.

First of all, it's merely because of a certain shot.

After seeing this for the first time, I was like "This is going to be one of my faves for sure. I'll enjoy every seconds of it. I believe this is a story that I will never forget. I'll constantly look forward to knowing the two and their story more and more."

Proud to say, this still rings true even now!

I have already listed the reasons why I love them so much, so I won't do it again in this post. But for this time, I'll explain why I still love them even after several years, even after I've transitioned from a teen to an adult which would affect my tastes over time, even after I've seen more BL works... even after knowing that there are things that other BLs managed to pull off better.

Flashbacks to the 2000s which I assume was the golden age of this series, where it was the only "watchable" BL anime back then and Sakurai Takahiro did a phenomenal job in portraying Misaki. Almost all of the fujos in internet would at least have heard of this series, and naturally it was massively beloved that 90% of the fujos would hold it as the no. 1 in their top BL list. However, since it is popular, of course there will be a fraction of people who strongly hate it because of a certain scene. Hence, citing it as the epitome of toxic BL lmao.

But of course, things will constantly change as time passed, just like how it's growing evident that BL is only consumed by cishet women is a huge myth, as queer men themselves have started to voice their love towards the genre as well. And it is also possible for ppl who aren't interested in men to enjoy BL, such as the straight guys, lesbians, and asexuals.

Likewise, BL itself is also evolving - newer ones are more aware about the idea of consent although some may still clueless of how healthy relationships work (relationship is more than just sex!). While this may sound subjective, technically there are more and more quality BL works to consume nowadays. In case you are bored with the slice-of-life BL, there is a plethora of fantasy and horror BL out there to choose, moreso when you're aware of webnovel sites like Syosetu. Isekai BL? They're out there.

And it isn't just from Japan, China and Korea are also capable of producing good BL as well. Even BL is getting praised for the more genuine M/M representation compared to how it's generally done in the West (coughcough performative diversity coughcough).

And it doesn't stop there. The series doesn't even need to have a BL label, the MC can still be gay, and the gay romance can still happen despite the plot not centering around that.

There should be no reason to think that it isn't possible for two men to fall for each other nowadays, the teases shouldn't amount to nothing, which alot of non-BLs were guilty of back then. Well, I'm talking abt series that would tease two male characters together but the creators will allow them to be anything but gay for each other. The only time you'd see them as canon gay is in doujins or fanfics.

Hence, you'd only get canon gay couples from series that have been labelled as BL. Luckily, it's no longer a reasonable thing to do in 2021 onwards.

So, thanks to this new golden era of BL or LGBTQA+ representation, since there are so many quality works to indulge yourself, the Junjou Romantica series is getting outdated. I believe alot of the new generation haven't even heard of it ahahaha. When compared to other BL, I'll admit that Junjou won't even fit to be the best or the worst. I'm not saying that Junjou is bad, but it's simply because there are so many BL works now compared to in 2000s. To the point I bet they would discover Junjou because of sheer luck.

Now, I'll get to the point. Why I still love Romantica through these years? Well, just because there are more and newer BLs, doesn't necessarily mean that it is better. While it's true that there are stuff that other BLs do better such as the plot, the characters, and the art, there's something that Romantica does better than others too, in my opinion. That is, Misaki and Akihiko's dynamic.

I love how Misaki and Akihiko are characters of their own whilst loving each other very much. In many BLs I've seen, the dynamic doesn't feel equal, where the MC is generally too busy to think about the ML most of the time (to those who are unfamiliar, it's referring to the main love interest), whereas the ML serves no other purpose to the story other than being the MC's love interest. In comparison, as the MC, Misaki's POV is always 90% USAGI-SAN USAGI-SAN USAGI-SAN in every chapter although he faces different problems every single time. As for Akihiko, yea he loves Misaki so much but his character arc isn't limited to that. As outdated as the series would be, this aspect of their relationship, will always be timeless to me.

I've grown to love them so much, that I'll get happy from merely seeing them. Yea I do understand that others will get disappointed of the slow and repetitive plot, the bad art, not to mention after waiting for months for the update, spending money to get it... but all I think when looking at new acts is "OMG it's my babies I miss them so much T-T".

So yea, that's it. I don't ask much, I just want to see Misaki and Akihiko, and nothing more.

[skullsandwineglasses]

You Are My Hero (2021) Review

Overall impression: The drama started off really cute and promising in the first half, but was weak and underwhelming in the second half. In-depth review below (with spoilers).

A cute and fluffy romance premise

Right off the bat, the love story between the leads is tropey as hell, but manages to not be tacky and is actually really endearing. The ML, a SWAT officer, rescues the FL, an aspiring neurosurgery medical resident, from a bank robbery 2 years ago. They leave a lasting impression on each other, but don't keep in touch afterwards. The FL never sees his face because he's wearing a mask, but the ML remembers her name. 

Fate brings them together again 2 years later when the FL enrolls in an emergency rescue training camp that’s supervised by the ML. He recognizes her and falls for her immediately, but she doesn’t know he’s the one who rescued her years ago. 

Their relationship starts off rocky, similar to how a CEO romance would start: the ML first appears cold and distanced, strict and brooding, but actually has a huge soft spot for the FL. The FL is put off by his coldness, but is sometimes surprised as random moments of tenderness. When the training camp is complete, the ML becomes a cute and awkward lovesick puppy who tries to figure out how to woo the FL because this is his first time (and hers) falling in love. It’s fun seeing him become so flustered around her when he’s usually so calm, collected, and in control as the leader of a SWAT team. 

On other hand, the FL slow falls for the ML when he reveals a more real and vulnerable side of himself. They banter a lot, but she slowly warms up to him. 

And as a no-nonsense drama, the two leads acknowledge their feelings for each other quickly (although they haven't directly admitted it to each other yet). They're in the awkward phase of attraction and going on semi-dates, but they haven't defined the relationship yet. *Sigh* First love. 

Things I enjoyed

I appreciate that although the FL is a Mary Sue, she does make mistakes. She's smart, but she isn't the top of her class. She’s kind and selfless, but she also isn’t overly tolerant of people. When people overstep their boundaries and are unjust to her, she’ll confront them. Ma Sichun is such a natural actress. She can do cute and flirty, she can be clueless and lost, she can be confident and in control, she can be angry and indignant. I especially loved her character’s adorable interactions with her best friend Xiao Xia. 

The acting in this drama was all around great. It’s probably the best part of the drama. It was so comfortable and fun to watch. I think AvenueX described it best: the acting in the drama was so natural that sometimes it felt like the actors broke character but the director kept the take. Some of the laughing, giggling, and gestures felt so genuine that you wonder if it was improvised, scripted, or a blooper scene that became canon.

I like how the FL and ML are each experts in their respective fields. They have very separate careers that occasionally intersect. I'm tired of CEO dramas where the FL is working for the ML, or there are class differences between them. Instead in this drama, the FL faces problems everyday at work that the ML doesn't know about. Her problems do not relate to him at all. She has problems that he can't understand or help with. Likewise, he also goes on missions that she isn't aware of. They work in completely different fields with different skill sets. They even talk about how their philosophies differ. Her job is to save lives but not make moral judgments of character, while his job is to enforce the law, which is all about assessing character. Where their careers do intersect, is the goal of saving others and putting others first before themselves. 

Another dynamic of the relationship that I really like is that the FL and ML are always occupied and on the move because of their professions, and yet, their loyalty and devotion to each other never change. They are each other's rock. Despite encountering so many different situations and people, despite all of the chaos and noise from their careers, nothing can really outweigh how important they are to each other. Despite being out in the field, far away from home, their hearts are anchored to each other. I just like this trope a lot, i.e., the trope of being away from home, but remaining true and loyal and unwavering. Despite having bigger and more important things in the world to deal with, their ultimate dream is wanting to just spend some time together. It's analogous to how in ancient period dramas, there are generals who command armies and and maintain a strictly professional demeanor and don't mention a word about their family to their soldiers, but when the general retires to his tent at night, he's writing a long and thoughtful letter home, because his loved one was on his mind all day. 

The supporting characters are great, but I do like the older and mature supporting couple (Xing Ke Yao and Shao Yu Han) more than the younger supporting couple (Xiao Xia and Shu When Bo), despite the actors playing the younger couple being literally my age. I also appreciate how the FL has multiple close friends who are quite separate from each other, instead of just the single token sidekick best friend (although the second half of the drama does just focus on one of her main friends). It's relatable because we all have different groups of friends. We have friends from high school, we have friends from college, and we have friends from work. Most of these friends are kept separate, and sometimes they interact. But I like how this drama shows that the FL has a small network of friends from different walks of life. 

Things I didn’t enjoy as much

The plot derailed and lost its charm after episode 30. There were fewer hospital cases, and the ML had to complete a mission that I had no interest in following. There was no other point to the superfluous mission besides to show that the ML has a busy and demanding job that prevents him from being at the FL’s side when she needs him the most. 

I also really, really disliked the introduction of the random love rival in episode 31 just to try to stir some angst. The plot device was pointless because in the end, there was no angst because the leads have a strong and healthy relationship, and so the love rival’s attempt at sabotaging the relationship was just laughable and completely random. It just disrupted the mood and pacing of the drama because that plotline just came out of the blue. It was just so annoying seeing the love rival and her sister cause trouble and wreak havoc in the FL’s workplace. 

The drama did a good job at showing how the leads put their careers first, which caused strain and tension in their relationship that they tend to ignore. But, the drama never explores this further, even though it’s a very real problem that many career-driven and ambitious couples face. The drama presents a very idealized vision of a relationship between a police officer and a doctor. Like when the FL leaves for a special research and training program in the States, the drama shows that the leads breezed through the two-year long distance relationship in a quick montage. They had no issue in communication. Yes, they miss each other, but they’re blissful. But what kind of long distance relationship has no bumps in it? The drama also implies that they never saw each other in person during two years (in the final episode, Xing Ke Lei squeezed her arms and said that since they haven’t seen each other in 2 years, he had to check if she was missing anything), which is highly unrealistic. Was she never able to go back home for the holidays? Did Xing Ke Lei, whose parents live and work overseas, never bother to visit his girlfriend? Overall, it seemed a little off to me that despite the budding tension and issues they’ve been having between them, they were able to overcome a long distance relationship so easily. You could argue that they’re used to long separations because of their work, and the drama has shown that they’re used to communicating over video calls, but I was just a little disappointed that they rushed this final plotline when so much more could have been done with it. 

Speaking of parents, we never actually got to see their parents. I understand that the parents are not relevant to the focus of the story, but the parents are rarely even mentioned, which further makes the romance in the story seem too idealistic. Whether it’s a near-death situation, getting engaged, or studying abroad for 2 years, the FL never mentions talking to her parents about these decisions and life changes. The drama handwaves the parents’ absence and lack of influence by having the FL mention early in the drama that her parents are busy with their business back home, so they don’t have time to worry about her. She also no longer bothers to update them about her work because she’s afraid they’ll be worried about her. And then from there, we never hear the FL mention her parents again. It’s just so weird to see that the most important person in her life is the ML and she only ever talks about major life choices with her friends. I mean, if the plot had said that she didn’t have a family, it wouldn’t have mattered. But the fact that she does mention her parents, but they’re completely absent and non-existent just felt a little off, like something was missing. But in the grand scheme of things, this is not really an issue. I’m just nit-picking. 

Lastly, I just want to comment on Bai Jingting as Xing Ke Lei. I admit that he sells the part well. At first I was skeptical about Bai Jingting as a SWAT officer because of how skinny and baby-faced he is, but he actually pulls it off surprisingly well and has some unexpectedly good chemistry with Ma Sichun too. Although during moments when he isn't talking and we're just left with his resting face, I'm suddenly hit by how young he looks, but then he speaks or is back in uniform and again, the gestalt shift goes back to Xing Ke Lei, the handsome SWAT officer. They made a point of showing how muscled his arms are, which was a little jarring to see in comparison to his youthful face, not gonna lie. So, while I liked him as Xing Ke Lei, it was a little distracting switching back and forth between seeing him as a really young, adolescent-looking actor, and him as the broad-chested character. 

Should you watch?

All in all, a really cute and easy-to-watch drama with some thoughtful and sentimental moments. Very fluffy. Minimal to no misunderstandings. Charming characters. There are the storylines of three couples with medical/police subplots interweaved between the romance. On bilibili, some people even edited clips of the drama with theme songs from TVB medical and police dramas like The Hippocractic Crush and Tiger Cubs. So, as someone who grew up with TVB dramas, it was nostalgic to see those thematic parallels. 

But, the drama does lose steam in the last 10 or so episodes, and has a lot of filler to stretch it out to 40 episodes. That’s the issue I have with modern dramas. The plot in modern dramas is usually quite basic, and I would argue that the modern romance is easier and less angsty. You either love each other or you don’t. You either are willing to commit or you’re not. There aren’t many external excuses for angst or misunderstandings. (Of course, I’m trivializing things; real life isn’t as easy). 

Still, I would recommend this drama for anyone who’s between dramas. I watched this drama to help me get over the rut I was in because I was going through withdrawal after finishing The Rebel Princess, so I needed a light-hearted drama whose genre was completely different from TRP. And this drama was perfect for breaking that rut. 

Rating: 8/10. Simple, fluffy, and not too much to complain about. I also forgot to talk about the great humour in the drama, but there were many moments when I laughed out loud or couldn’t stop grinning. This is also a drama you can take your time with because there aren’t constant cliff hangers to peg you on. It doesn’t consume your life, and you can pause (although, the first 18 or so episodes are definitely binge-worthy because the development of the leads’ relationship is just too cute, and so they suck you right in). However, while it is one of the better modern romance dramas I’ve watched (and the characters are very consistent), it’s not a very memorable drama. It doesn’t make me linger. I guess it’s because I’m more of a historical and xianxia drama kind of person. So take from that what you will. 

[ladylynse]

Hello, I'm back XD XD Sorry, busy life, you know how it is. Well, where were we? XD XD god it took me a while to find the last message/replied that I have and I knew you replied. I saw it almost as soon as you post it but it was pretty late and later never arrived. Anyway.... DPXML. you said that it clear not normal if Danny just shrug off weirdness, and that's totally true. But for real with everything that he had to deal with in Amity, I'm not surprise if that's his reaction :) :) Well, keyboard thing, I think that creating shortcuts could also worked. But I assumed that will be problem for future you, good luck with it. (also what? XD XD but I guess, technology doesn't really like you, I'm sorry about that... ^^; ^^;) And yeah, I have only ask you about this crossover. And I agreed some people does have some very interesting ideas and combinations for those. It's very curious to see that variety. O.O O.O I like to believe many safe their ideas in a document in one moment or another rather than post it here. Although there are some who actually post those hoping would inspire someone else. In either way, for me would be write down those ideas in the first place. But each with their own, right? :D :D Have a good day :) :) -Le Fantôme anon

(re: this ask)

Ah, don't we all? Drop in any time you like, Anon, regardless of how much time has passed. If you call yourself the Le Fantôme anon, or pick a new anon name but mention that you were this anon, I'll remember you. (Sadly, you can't shorten it to LF anon and have me keep it straight, since I'm not sure if that person is still around, and I don't want to confuse you with them.)

I tag all my original posts with 'ladylynse', if that helps, so you can search that tag on my blog to screen out all the reblogs (at least ones that didn't originate with me). I usually remember to tag asks with 'asks'. That will make it a little easier to find something if you're going back to it after a bit! Faster than just scrolling through my blog, anyway, since I've got a queue set up all the time. (I can't remember if I would've tagged our last interaction with 'my writing' or not, but I might've.)

There's only so much weirdness Danny can take before he gets to that 'well this might as well happen' point. *grins*

I haven't caught up to future me yet. I shall see if it works then.

It's a fun crossover! I might still do something with it at some point. After I finish up some other fics. And probably after I really get down to writing that DP/ML fic because I'm still excited for that one even if I haven't been actively working on it; I have far too much planned out.

Exactly! Different strategies for different ideas, too, I find. I have posted stuff in the hopes that other people's excitement about it would inspire me to finish it, and sometimes that works for me! (Case in point: The Trouble with Ghosts. To be fair that was more a dead fic than an idea but still. You might be able to count this one, too, since I wrote more solely because of one of my tumblr friends.)

The only thing I've posted that other people have really picked up on and wrote themselves was that one anon's idea of the HP/DP twin au (as opposed to any of the bits of my own stuff). Which is not surprising because, like I said, I don't have a lot of my own stuff on here of that sort of thing. This is largely because a significant swath of my ideas are crossovers with at least one obscure fandom--or it's something I figure most people wouldn't be interested in because it's not a popular angle. (Judging by my grand total of four notes on this post, I'm not making wild assumptions.) So, it lives in my notes or in my head.

[emberwritesinsight]

Marinette and Burdens: a possibly-veering-out-of-canon-territory-meta.

Alright, time to unpack a bit of emotional vulnerability that I've managed to string together from implications that the writers probably didn't even intend because the writers are not interested in Marinette having feelings that are valid and respected.

Disclaimer: the writing is inconsistent and I'm going with a read of Marinette's character that may not fall in line with everything in canon, but I'm fine with that because canon can't even fall in line with itself half the time.

We know, from a line that was played as a joke in the first episode (I know the Bubbler is first in some airings but to be clear, the episode I'm talking about is Stormy Weather), that Marinette has trouble saying "no". She clearly didn't want to babysit, and she seems to have had bad experiences with it in the past. But she says she just "couldn't say no", with a look of guilt on her face.

At the end of the episode she manages to say no to Manon, but an interesting thing to note is that she wouldn't have been refusing Manon by refusing to babysit, she would have been refusing Manon's mother. Now, at the time I assumed this was a side effect of her almost pathological niceness- after all, being kind and accommodating can sometimes slide into being a doormat if taken too far. But combined with the other stuff... Well.

(It should be noted that Marinette seems to have trouble with specifically saying no to services, not in general. She says no to Chat Noir on the regular, so it's an important distinction.

We also know that Marinette usually has no problems with the concept of being Ladybug- any doubts she has are more linked to her doubting her ability to protect people rather than the fact that she is a teenager being expected to carry the weight of the city and the world and that's kind of screwed up when you think about it. Now, the writing reason for this is simple: the show is marketed towards kids, so the hero is someone aged closer to the target audience. But I'm beginning to suspect there's an in-universe reason as well, and then we get to Gamer 2.0.

And OH BOY, does this episode have IMPLICATIONS.

The civilian plot of this episode is, to put it simply, that Marinette has too much on her plate. I'm not even going to TRY to tackle the ending of that episode because I would just start ranting, but suffice it to say, it would've been better if it were about time management.

Marinette's inability to say no to a job is back in full swing in this episode, although it's more implied than stated. She only refuses to a task once she is so loaded that it would be quite literally impossible to take on any more work.

The interesting thing about Marinette's packed schedule compared to say, Adrien's, is that it's implied she took on all that responsibility by choice. The schoolwork was unavoidable, but the t-shirt making? The album cover? Surely those could have been arranged differently.

Marinette is on the brink of collapse in this episode, but still she never gets angry at the people who put this stress on her- not once does she complain about the school giving too much homework, for example.

Look, I'll say it straight right here. I think Marinette has serious issues with knowing how much responsibility she should take on. In general, throughout the series, unless it directly grinds against her moral compass, Marinette is helpful to a fault.

And the strangest thing is, this doesn't seem to be her natural instinct all the time. People forget this, but she was actively arguing with Chloe over the Seat Thing™ in Origins. She actively antagonizes Lila multiple times. She is not universally sweet and accommodating. Which frankly makes this dysfunction of hers even more concerning.

Which brings us to Marinette's relationship with responsibility.

The fact is, Marinette's relationship with responsibility is toxic and it is slowly killing her mental health. She both willingly takes on a ridiculous amount of work and lets people force it on her. She takes on the weight of being Ladybug and keeping it a secret, even though we see that she doesn't like having to lie to her loved ones. Honestly, I would be lashing out at Tikki and later Master Fu for putting her in this position if I were her.

Marinette thinks it is her job to do everything, fix everything. She doesn't refuse or reschedule a job because she's convinced it would genuinely hurt the person she is saying no to. That she would actually be causing harm by prioritizing her comfort and mental health over what other people need her to do.

Now, if you're like me, you're probably reading that that and thinking:

"Wow, if that's really how her brain works, than becoming a superhero, a job where not doing it will literally cost people their lives, whose power is to literally fix everything might not have been good for her mental health."

And you would be 100% right! Because that mindset is super, SUPER unhealthy and I'm convinced being Ladybug made it exponentially worse. And even assuming she wasn't like this pre-series (which I doubt), she definitely is now.

I'm going to be honest, if she was like this pre-series, I don't know why, not for certain. But considering the kinds of teachers Francois DuPont employs, who encourage their students to take responsibility for resolving conflict and setting a good example, I myself have made a few assumptions. But what I do know is that this is some seriously unhealthy, self-destructive shit.

And it is reinforced by EVERYONE.

Tikki, Fu, Ms. Bustier, Chat Noir, EVERYONE expects Marinette to take on more of a burden than she can reasonably handle. And somewhere along the line, Marinette accepted that herself.

"I am the servant hero. It's my job to do this. If I don't, who will? "

The answer to that ending question should obviously be, "a responsible adult". But the ML universe doesn't seem to have those, so.

Marinette is, barring strange writing decisions, a kind and helpful person. And these two objectively good qualities, ESPECIALLY the latter, have been twisted so far by circumstance that it is downright scary. Honestly, I'd say it's only a matter of time before she shatters completely.

Now, this isn't to say this is the only explanation. Marinette's poor time management, for example, could be another symptom of her heavily implied ADHD. But I felt like going the darker route today.

[tetrakys]

The testing team

A while ago I wrote a list of all the people who contribute to the making of the guides in the description of the guides blog, but I reckon I never made a proper post here to introduce them. I’m doing it now to show them how much I appreciate them and so you all know who is involved and you can send them some love if you want to (especially because ML is ending probably in a couple of months and we are considering making Eldarya guides afterwards).

I’m going to introduce the current team, there were a couple of extra people involved in the past who were Ivan stans but left around the middle/end of his route and don’t want to be involved with the game anymore.

So, in the Raphael stans department, we have @incorrectml and @amaaaaterasu who are also Leiftan and Lysander stans, they do like nice, slightly shady gentlemen, don’t they? 😌 They are both really funny (the comedic relief of the group...? they make me laugh a lot 🤭), you can contact the first in spanish and Ama in french. Rinsyo (incorrectml) tests but doesn’t save her games with the guide because she’s a faithful woman of strong principles and aims to get the good ending with Raphael alone. Ama has replayed Ivan’s chapters I don’t know how many times so she probably lost some braincells in the process, be kind to her she is the hero we don’t deserve 🙏

In the Ethan stans department we find @kanraandchrome and @crownysworldofficial who are also Lance stans 🥰 they like problematic, psychos, I wonder what it feels like 😌 Chrome is also a fan of Kentin and Evan, and Crown is a Castiel girl. Crown is the sweetest cutiepie, she always replays the episodes multiple times to be sure to save her route following the guide to the T, she makes sure people can’t miss illustrations so she deserves lots and lots of love. Chrome is our nerd 🤭🤭 if you have a question about lore in general or more specifically Ethan lore (of whom he is the messiah) he is your guy 🤓 he’s also super organised and keeps us all afloat. You can contact them both in french.

Now, I’m not exactly sure where to place @neilada-d6-meghah at the moment, she used to be an Ivan stan and has been mourning the flop of his route ever since chapter 5. Meg, who is your bias at the moment, Beliath? Aaron? Both? She is also a Castiel (I think) and Lance girl 😌 Meg is the nicest person among us all and very diplomatic so she has the very important role of dealing with problems that may arise (especially on FB), she has lots and lots of patience. Also she is the one who communicates with the spanish-speaking fandom which is probably the largest in this game, so if you need to ask a question in spanish contact her.

@cintanna-rants is a new addition to our team, she recognised the Valkyon inside Aaron so she stans and has been playing his route, but I have the long-term plan to throw her into Beliath’s and Ethan’s arms too, don’t tell her 🤫. She is also a Castiel and Lance stan 😌 I have been accused (by myself) to have purposefully filled this testing team with Lance lovers 🤨 this is ridiculous, not my fault if there are lots of dragon f*ckers around 😌 You can contact Cintanna in spanish.

@mcl-pauly is our graphics expert, she is the one who makes the guides in their final format and is also responsible for the nice layout of the guides tumblr blog. Although reluctant at first, she gave Beliath’s route a go because someone convinced her when everybody else still hated him (I will never stop taking the credit for this 😌) and now she’s a rabid Beliath stan. She is also twice widower because of Armin (🥺) and Ezarel, but she’s not-so-secretly-anymore a dragon f*cker so she’s fine. Because all her husbands die I’m trying to revoke her dragon f*cker card and make her stan the new Mathieu guy. Pauly and Chrome are also our snoops, they expertly look into the code and find news and new additions. You can contact Pauly in french.

And finally there’s me, my role is to test and usually to collate all our testing into a first draft of a guide which is then tested and tested again by all of us multiple times to make sure that it works and it’s the best possible version before it’s released to the public. They refer to me as the CEO seemingly because I’m the one who started all this, but I believe this is a nice way to say that I’m a hoe because I stan everyone 🤨 (Ah and yes I’m strongly advocating for a Neil route 😌 I’d say you can contact me in Italian, but I could probably count the number of italian players on one hand.)

Thank you guys for jumping into this expensive, insane and time consuming experience, it’s hard work but it’s fun work because of you 😘

[fantasyfandommaiden]

ML Counsellor AU: It’s not photoshopped

One of the downsides to being the owner of the ‘Gabriel’ brand was that he had the final say on all advertisement pictures before they were released to the press… however the more he looked at the latest photos, the more he found that something… wasn’t quite right.

~~~~~~

Gabriel was fighting a massive headache that even tylenol wouldn’t fix. He honestly just wanted to crawl into bed and sleep, but if he didn’t approve of these photos by the end of the day, than they would be late to the magazine release and he wasn’t going to allow that to happen. 

They were mainly for the new fragrance line, as well as some of the winter clothes (it was currently late Summer, early Autumn but if they didn’t get those photos done now than it would be late for the season) however there was something… off about the photos that he was having an issue with. Adrien’s face seemed sharper than usual with the close ups, and his body was more lean. 

He looked like he was a fair bit thinner than he should be. Gabriel actually brought up photos taken several months ago to make sure that his eyes weren't playing tricks on him, but no, he did look far thinner.  

Gabriel called Nathalie into his office, still looking down at the photos with a scowl on his face. “... Something wrong with the photographs sir?” Nathalie asked with her usual professional tone. 

“... The latest photographs, did they go through our photoshop standards already?” Gabriel asked, still looking at the photo. 

Nathalie raised an elegant brow at the question “... Yes sir. Elle did it to your standards, with only color and lighting corrections, as well as getting rid of any obvious blemishes.” Nathalie stated calmly.

 Gabriel hated how many fashion models (who were already far thinner than they should be) were often photoshopped to be thinner or had any birthmarks, freckles, or scars were made to disappear. He actually had a female runway model who had a large birthmark across her eyes that almost looked like a mask. She had been one of Gabriel’s first models for the brand, and although she was almost 30, he had no plans to ‘retire’ her unless she wished to. He did plan to offer her a chance to be a modelling coach however. 

He also knew that Elle, who was one of the best editors he had in the brand, would never make this dramatic of a change to the photos without contacting him first. He closed his eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath before standing. “Has Adrien returned from fencing class?” he asked Nathalie, looking at her. 

~~~~~

Adrien was in his room, working on his homework when there was a knock at his door. “Come in.” he called, turning in his chair as the door opened. His eyes widened when his father entered the room, looking at Adrien. “F-Father… Hello!” he said as the man walked over to him.

“Adrien, stand up.” he stated, and Adrien instantly stood up, wondering what this could be about. Gabriel looked intensely at his face, than slowly looked down at the rest of him, actually lifting his hand to look at his wrist, a slight scowl on his face. “... Adrien, have you been eating the full meals provided to you by the chief?” he asked. 

Adrien blinked at the question “Yes father.” he responded quickly, but that answer seemed to cause him to scowl even more, so he guessed it was the wrong answer “I-Is there a problem?” 

“I was looking at your photos from your latest shoot, and noticed you are far thinner than last time.” Gabriel explained “Have you been doing other physical activities beside fencing and basket ball?” 

“No, not really.” Adrien stated rather quickly. Too quickly, and Gabriel could feel a spike of panic and guilt… he was lying. 

Gabriel looked down at Adrien with a stern expression “... Adrien, you shouldn’t lie to me. I know when you're lying. It’s important for me to know these things so that you are eating enough for the amount of calories you use in a day.” he responded to him. “I realise that your diet is very strict, and you have been enjoying your freedom, but you are clearly losing weight, and I refuse to allow this to continue because it is very bad for your health.” he stated to him.

Adrien looked at him wide eyed, bitting his bottom lip slightly “... Okay, so, with all of the akuma attacks that have been happening lately, I have started learning how to do parkour with some friends.” he stated slowly, looking at his father. “I realise that Gorilla- I mean, my bodyguard, is always there to protect me, but sometimes, like when it happens during school, we need to evacuate quickly, so me and some classmates thought that learning parkour would help us escape the situation more quickly.” 

Gabriel looked at him with a raised brow “... I don’t recall signing any forms for you to take on more lessons.” 

Adrien winced slightly, resisting the urge to fidget “It’s not a formal class or anything. During our breaks between class, it's usually like ten minutes, me and some of my classmates will go over some basic moves in the gym. Two of my classmates, Kim and Alix, are very athletic, and have been teaching us stuff like how to fall properly and do proper techniques. Kim is actually a junior lifeguard and swim instructor, and Alix has been doing this since she would walk so, also there is always at least one teacher in the gym to supervise … I just figured it would be something good to know. I didn’t tell you, because it’s not a formal class, it doesn’t take up much of my time either.” Also, you wouldn’t approve had gone unsaid. 

Gabriel looked down at him for a long while, before sighing and pinching the bridge of his nose. “Adrien, parkour can be very dangerous if done incorrectly.” the man began and Adrien was just waiting for him to say ‘these children are bad influences on you, and you should stay away.’ 

“However, the fact you took initiative with your safety is good.” Gabriel complimented. “I wish you had told me sooner, because I am guessing this has been going on for awhile, yes?”

Adrien nodded “Shortly after the Stoneheart incident.” 

Gabriel scowled, remembering the first akuma that started this all with the face off against Ladybug and Chat Noir. “Yes, that. So for a long while, meaning your dietitian has been unknowingly underfeeding you. How often do you have these… ‘lessons’.” 

Adrien blinked, not believing that his father hadn’t pulled him out of this yet… but then again, this was an activity having to do with his safety so maybe that was why. “Um… it’s not very formal, but usually three maybe four times a week? During breaks that would amount to…. Four extra hours of physical activity.” 

Gabriel nodded “Very well, I will have Nathalie book another appointment with your dietitian, where I expect you to tell him in full ALL of the physical activities you do so we can have throughout the week Adrien.” he stated, looking at his son now realising that on top of him losing some weight he seems to have grown taller. A small, ghost of a smile appeared on his face “... I would have had to call anyway, if you're anything like me, you're bound to hit your growth spurt soon.” 

Adrien’s eyes widened as he looked at his father “... So, you’ll allow me to continue?” “I should have been informed about this before you started, seeing it can be dangerous and I don’t like being deceived, but since you are learning it so you will be able to get out of situations with akumas more quickly, I will allow it, on the condition that you wear proper safety equipment.” 

Adrien blinks “... Like, a helmet?” he asked slowly, dreading the thought of his friends comments on him going to one of their hangouts wearing a bike helmet. 

“No, helmets would get in the way with somersaulting if not built correctly and would cause damage to the neck. I mean things like wrist and knee guards. Also to wear loose clothing, and long pants so when you do fall, your less likely to scrap yourself against the ground.” Gabriel stated in a matter of fact tone. 

Adrien looked at his father in shock “... How do you know this stuff father?” 

Gabriel was quiet for a long moment before replying in a monotonous voice “During my time in design school we had a project were we had to design active wear, so I did extensive research on the topic. It appears even after all these years I still retain some of the information.” he stated evenly before turning around “I will make sure that the chief gives you some extra helpings tonight so we can get your weight back to normal.” 

“Ah!” Adrien called out and Gabriel looked over his shoulder with a raised brow. Adrien almost lost his nerve but began to speak anyways “Could I request lasagna for dinner tonight?” 

Gabriel looked at his son for a long moment. “The cooking staff has already prepped tonights meal and started when I came up to speak to you, it would be rude to have them change the entire meal plan so late now.” Adrien slumped slightly, nodding. “... Of course father.” 

Gabriel stood where he was for a moment longer, still looking at his son over his shoulder “I have some more work to attend to tonight, so I won't be joining you for dinner.” to which Adrien just gave a solemn nod, expecting that really. 

“... However, I will request that the cooking staff make lasagna tomorrow night.” Adrien perked up slightly, looking at his father who still had a fairly neutral expression. “And provided that I get all of my work together, I may join you.” 

Adrien grinned widely “That would be great father, I look forward to it!” 

~~~~ 

Sadly, there was an akuma attack that afternoon and Nathalie had to be the one to inform Adrien how his father was too busy to join him for dinner. The lasagna, which he had no doubt was very good, didn’t taste as nice as he believed it would.

[kuronekonerochan]

The laziest compilation of thoughts about the mess that was Alice (spoilers)

I finish a lot of shitty dramas. Like a lot. I could review them, but I won’t bc there’s too many and I’m too lazy (when you ff some dramas from 45min to 5 per episode it doesn’t really count as watching too many dramas bc it’s really a commercial break, lol). Some I watch for the so bad it’s good content, or love hate watching or just to have something to watch while I eat, even if they’re boring af. It’s also a tiny bit of ocd bc I need to see how they end (even the ones I drop I check out the finale). I only drop the ones that as Marie Kondo says *Do Not Spark Joy, more specifically...annoy me and make me cranky.

I sometimes bitch about it on DMs with ranty spoilers without structure and that reference other unrelated dramas or shows, because ADHD and my mind refuses to stay on topic, which would make it probably unintelligible except if you are in the niche who happens to have watched the other unrelated dramas, so it’s probably useless as a review.

That said, here are some random disconnected thoughts about Alice.

MAJOR SPOILER ALERTS BEWARE

(this is like partly copypaste of DM rants bc I am that lazy biatch. Also, fair warning I will seem super harsh or this drama because that’s the thing about a bitching dm versus a proper review... I am not bringing up all the points and talking about the good and what I liked as well as the bad, it’s just the bad...and although the drama is imo a mess, it does have some good in it. So if it were a review I’d always argue pros and cons...ranty thoughs who cares about pros? boring..I will not be bothered with devil’s advocate).

This was fascinating to watch, interesting but not good... but like a trainwreck.

I continued watching this mess despite the headache inducing convoluted plot (I watched a lot of timetravel stuff and I love it...encompassing all the theories about it, from butterfly effect, to effectively changing the future (with characters forgetting it or keeping it in memory because “eye of the storm” theory, the “efforts are futile and you can try to change it but the future is set in stone”, to “small changes can be made but big events are fixed points in time”, to “every change creates a new time line” and multiverse, etc... and trust me, all of them can be done well when well written or turn out a confusing illogical mess and that has nothing to do with the theory chosen, but with presenting how time travel works for that story and what the basic rules are and sticking to them...or when something happens that contradicts them, come up with an explanation as to why that happens.

 I don’t mean the drama should be an exposition borefest with too much pseudosciency jargon...but this drama gives you too little in the way of rules and the viewers sort of figure out how timetravel works (which is not bad per se, huge fan of show don’t tell...but there’s a limit to how much they cannot tell or the characters chose not to ask just for the sake of plot and not without any logic to it). Anyways, the little “rules” that we gather along the way...the writing doesn’t stick to them and keeps contradicting itself without addressing or explaining it and hoping we’re so confused we don’t notice. Some dramas you just say “eh, forget it, it doesn’t make sense, let’s turn off our brains and enjoy it”, but here if I wanted to try and follow what was going on at all it required “brain on” mode for their convoluted plot twists...which also made me aware of so may plotholes the time road should have looked like Swiss Cheese. I could go into them...but I cannot be bothered and the list would be extensive and still incomplete, so I will just put 3 here bc I can’t help it:

 1) Hot Daddy with emotional turmoil the entire drama of “Oh no, I abandoned her in 92 and regretted it, it happened 1 year ago for me, and now I find out she died in 2010. How was she, did she suffer? What did she know? Oh god, if only I were a time traveler eventually going rogue who could show up and talk to her any time in the timeline between 92 and 2010...Alas, I have to live in misery with the consequences of my actions...there is just ABSOLUTELY no way of solving this. I guess I’ll just keep making unauthorized time travel journeys from 2050′s time agency back to the year of 2020 and only 2020 to constantly be blindsided by murder attempts on everyone everywhere without having a clue to what’s going on when I could simply go back to before 2010 and talk to the one person who is proven to know what is going on.” Here is where there could be a bullshit reason as to why he could go only go to 2020 and not before, but the drama didn’t even bother.

 2) They say Tae Yi’s mom was originally a time traveler who settled with her physicist dad in the past, eventually making way for her to discover time travel herself. The mom is missing and this is never addressed again. 

3) The book...who wrote it? Because I have guesses but they never outright answer it... and if the biatch author knew that stuff why the alice in wonderland stupid analogies?

 Coward, or petty, or both.... or maybe just a chaos gremlin godlike entity who wanted to watch them all squirm, like the author from Extraordinary You...and that I could get behind, but sadly they don’t go that metaphysical/theological with the plot...which is honestly the main problem with this drama. It seems ambitious in concept but it’s never explored decently in any way, not in the pseudoscience, not in the philosophical sense of the meaning of time/space/existence, not even in its relationships, with the constant back and forth and weirdness of it.

Besides the timetravel migraine, we had the weirdest directing, that made the relationship between the leads feel a bit too incesty...which was the main reason I kept watching this drama...morbid curiosity of how they wrapped up this mess of a plot AND especially the relationship payoff...would it keep being weird with trope romance drama scenes like the female lead and second female lead facing off and being jealous, or that weird hair washing that felt more sensual than maternal? I knew it wouldn’t happen but my inner chaos gremlin wanted kdramaland to grow some balls and go full “predestination: oedipus edition” with this mess. Alas they sort of did, mostly didn’t. Even that angle was a whole inconsistent mess: there were times where it felt too romantic, then for a short minute I misguidedly shipped the journalist friend, then it seemed the dude was ace, then they calmed their tits with the whole weird romantic vibes and it got platonic cute, then with the memory merge thing finally motherly vibes, then I shipped the journalist again for 1 sec only...and then the ending:

Alice ended with the lead solving every problem by shooting himself (technically) in the head...and that's the second meta perfectly fitting ending for a drama with a good cast and terrible writing that drove itself into a corner this year, after the sleepless princess ended with the leads jumping off a cliff. I don't think it's a self aware choice of the writers, or an admission that they themselves know it was bad, but the irony is delicious.

Spoiler for the ending: he undoes timey wimey stuff from when his mom first got killed in high school and closed the time travel door. So he became an architect and new Tae Yi just woke up in her bed remembering everything, but in reality she had just come back from a conference abroad and had never met him. So mom TaeYi didn't die then, but never got back on screen after the time undo so who the f knows what happened to her. 

Also, if new Tae Yi remembers, does that mean hot daddy from the future does as well, but he is just stuck in the future without a time door to ever see them again? The drama doesn’t care answering that and forgets his character is even a thing...I will miss you, my fave who looked emotionally and literally constipated 24/7 (it doesn’t care answering much at all tbf... a little known fact about the time travel paradoxes according to the physics of this world is that besides doppelganger chickenpox it induces severe lazy writing).

Anyways new Tae Yi went looking for architect (? okay...I guess) ML after she woke up, at first he didn't remember her, but it ends with him meeting her, apparently remembering her and they stare at each other... you know, like any bad traditional romantic kdrama finale....so there is still THAT vibe. 

Honestly, the usual romantic ballad score for scenes between the leads WAS NOT the most intelligent choice for this drama in specific but boy did they stick with it (not to mention the ending song... that goes, in english “we be like Bonnie and Clyde we ride or die...which...k, sure)...so technically the ending was exactly the cliche post amnesia running back to each other and staring for the final scene while romantic music blasts trope. Take it as you will.

[angelofthequeers]

Not a Good Look: Chapter 5

@thequeenofpotatoeunicornss @lady-charinette @elmokingkong tagged as requested :)

Chapter 4 | Chapter 6 | AO3 link

Disclaimer: I don’t own ML.

“All set,” Marinette announces once she and Kagami have met Adrien in the boys’ locker room before fencing class. “Alya and Nino are interviewing Lila as we speak.”

“I have to say, it was a smart move to interview her about her new modelling opportunity,” Kagami says. “The additional evidence will definitely help incriminate Mr Agreste if he tries to deny anything. But you know it’s not guaranteed to out her as a liar, right?”

Marinette sighs and lets her shoulders slump. “Look, at this point, Lila doesn’t even matter anymore. We can deal with her if she wriggles out of this. Right now, our main goal is to confirm whether Mr Agreste is Hawkmoth and then take him down if he is. And if he isn’t…well, he still looks pretty sleazy for striking a deal with an underage girl like this.” She squares her shoulders and adds, “Either way, he’s not going to get away with treating Adrien like a piece of meat any longer.”

“Agreed,” Kagami says. Then she shoots a glance at the locker room door and her determined face melts into something more forlorn. “Since we have a little time before fencing class begins, I think we need to talk. We need to sort out what’s going on between the three of us.”

Marinette’s heart sinks. She hadn’t realised until today just how touchy-feely she’d been with Adrien yesterday, especially in the wake of the identity reveals, because now how is she supposed to feel? Her dear partner, the boy who’s been in love with her from the start, is the boy she loves and let go for his own happiness. And although she’ll keep letting him go to make him and Kagami happy…well, there’s a part of her that doesn’t want to; that wants to push Kagami aside and claim that happiness for herself, even though her rational brain is sickened at the thought of betraying her friend for the sake of a boy.

But Adrien’s not just a boy. He’s her partner. Her kitty. But at the same time, he’d also mentioned that he genuinely does like Kagami, in a way that Marinette doesn’t feel about Luka. It’s going to have to come down to his decision but, well, Marinette’s got a strong suspicion that he’ll pick her, and Kagami doesn’t deserve to have her heart broken like that. And on the slim chance that he does pick Kagami? Marinette’s not sure she’s ready to have her heart broken when she’d just gotten her hopes up about potentially dating him.

“This is ridiculous!” Marinette bursts out. “Why does all this drama have to revolve around a boy? What are we, a soap opera?”

Kagami raises her hand to conceal her unladylike snort, while Adrien looks like someone had bashed him around the head with a sledgehammer. It must now be sinking in for him just how silly this all is.

“Look,” Kagami says. “Let me be honest. You two are Ladybug and Chat Noir. I saw how he instinctively gravitated towards you after his panic attack. Even back at the ice rink, I could see that Adrien had feelings for you, even if he didn’t know at that time. If it comes down to it, I’ll step aside, because I know Adrien. I know he’ll choose you if we truly forced him to do so. And yes, it’ll hurt me now, but it would hurt far more to let myself fall deeper for Adrien and let myself think that I have a long-term possibility with him.”

“Kagami –”

“But,” Kagami cuts across Adrien, “I had an idea last night when I was trying to come to terms with it. I wasn’t lying when I said that I was crushing on Ladybug and that she made me realise my bisexuality. And after the way you helped us escape the hotel during the wedding anniversary? I don’t think Adrien was the only one infatuated with you having your hair down.”

Marinette blinks. Then she blinks again, because Kagami seems to be going in a very specific direction with this, and she’s not sure whether the thrilling butterflies in her stomach from that direction are amazing or terrifying. Maybe both.

“I do have strong feelings for Adrien,” Kagami says. “He knows this. I’ve also realised that I have feelings for you too, Marinette; feelings that I didn’t want to consider until yesterday, when I realised that we don’t need to torment ourselves with deciding who dates who and whose heart gets broken. I even called Alya last night so that we could have a “girl talk”, as you call them, and she told me about your two classmates who are dating while one of them also has a girlfriend. Kim and Max, I believe.”

“Wait, Kim and Max are dating?” Marinette and Adrien chorus.

“I had no idea!” Adrien says.

“Yeah, I thought he was dating Ondine!” Marinette adds. Kagami’s lips twitch.

“According to Alya, Kim’s dating both Max and Ondine,” she says. “And that made me realise that all three of us could date each other. Adrien clearly loves you, Marinette, and I know he’s been agonising over his feelings for both you and me. And I do have some feelings for you, but we don’t have to date each other, so that doesn’t matter right now. We can deal with the two of us later.”

“Oh, that’s why I freaked out about her being cute during the friendship game,” Marinette mumbles, though she’s not sure whether she’s talking to herself or Tikki. Tikki still giggles from within her purse. “Oh my god. I think I’m having an identity crisis.”

“All three of us…dating?” Adrien says blankly and runs a hand through his hair, looking about as error 404 as Marinette currently feels trying to process Kagami’s suggestion and whether she’s got a small infatuation with Kagami that could potentially grow into an actual crush in the future. “Is that even…but I thought you could only love one person! That’s what I’ve been taught all my life.”

“Clearly not, or I wouldn’t be suggesting this,” Kagami says. “It’s not going to magically erase all the jealousy and problems between us, and I know I’ll feel odd about seeing you and Marinette being affectionate at first because I’m so used to winning and getting what I want for myself. But I know that the three of us can work long-term if we put the effort in. Adrien and I are similar enough to truly get each other, and Marinette’s the lynchpin between the three of us to balance us out when we’re too similar. The wedding anniversary proved that.” She smiles at Marinette, who’s currently trying not to die on the spot, and adds, “You’re the only person I’d be willing to share with. It wouldn’t feel like second place next to you. And if we ended up dating in the future, I’d be very happy. But if we didn’t, I’d still be happy to be one of your best friends.”

“What the heck kind of girl talk did you have with Alya?” Marinette croaks.

“The kind where she’s frustrated beyond belief over this ‘love square’ and wants you to ‘get your crap together already’ but also wants me to be happy as one of her new friends,” Kagami deadpans.

“Alya’s definitely the one with the brain cell,” Adrien says with a shaky laugh. “And I really like her idea. But I don’t think I can commit to anyone right now. Not even my lady.”

Marinette’s brow creases and she reaches out to rest a hand on his arm. “I get it,” she says softly as Kagami takes his other hand. “And I agree with you. We need to deal with this business first.”

“But even then.” Adrien’s face twists. “What if he is Hawkmoth? The evidence is all there. What happens in the fallout? I’ve got nowhere else to go. I probably won’t have any money to bring to the table because that’s definitely gonna be wrung through the legal system and my father’s company will tank with his reputation. I’ll be a wreck. And I don’t want to put that on anyone else, especially you two.”

“Rubbish,” Kagami says immediately. “We and Alya and Nino are your friends. You can’t push us away that easily.”

“And if you think we care about the money side of things then you really are a silly kitty,” Marinette scoffs. “You’re staying with one of us. I want to say me or Kagami but, well, considering this whole three-way idea we’re thinking of…”

“It could easily go south,” Kagami agrees. “Even if she is your superhero partner.”

“And Alya’s family probably wouldn’t have the space for a fifth kid, even if they’d love to take you in,” Marinette says slowly as the cogs in her brain whir. “But I’m sure Nino would love to be your adopted brother. Then you’d really be “bros”. And if he can’t…well, what about your bodyguard? Do you think he’s in with your father too?”

“No,” Adrien says immediately. “Definitely not. He’s the only adult who’s, well…actually been there for me since my mother disappeared. He’s the only one who lets me get away with small things here and there when I need it, like that photoshoot I did with Juleka to model your designs. Nathalie’s in too deep with Father – and Hawkmoth, if they’re different people, but, well…I can’t see anyone else trusting her enough to give her a Miraculous. And she can’t have stolen it, or Hawkmoth wouldn’t trust her, and why would she ally with him in that case?”

“And I’m sure Ladybug will personally ensure that no one dares to think that you were in collusion with Hawkmoth,” Kagami says. Marinette nods immediately, because like hell she’s going to turn her back on her kitty when he needs her most.

“Damn right. Especially with Chat Noir’s support.” She squeezes Adrien’s arm and adds, “But Kagami and I won’t put more on your shoulders. We’ll be here for you but…yeah, I think it’s a good idea to wait until this all blows over before we try, um…dating.” Her cheeks fill with hot blood at the mystical d-word, especially having said it to Adrien’s face. Yes, he’s Chat Noir and she knows he has feelings for her but…he’s still Adrien.

“And now that that’s settled,” Kagami says, “I hope you won’t let your performance slip during class today, because your father possibly being a magical terrorist is no excuse to slack off against me.”

To Marinette’s delight, that wrenches a small laugh out of Adrien, and he mockingly bows to Kagami. “When have I ever slacked off against you, Kagami?” he says. Kagami’s cheeks turn a faint pink.

“That’s the answer I was hoping to hear,” she says. “You’ll be staying to watch, right, Marinette?”

“Of course. But –” Marinette rests her hands on her hips, “– if you’re gonna drag me in to referee for you, I’m out.”

“Of course not,” Adrien and Kagami sing innocently. Marinette resists the urge to thump her head against the wall and wonder what the heck she’s gotten herself into by even considering jumping into a three-way relationship with them.

***

“All good?” Marinette says once Alya and Nino climb into her bedroom to join her and Kagami. Alya shoots her a thumbs-up.

“We owe Chris and the twins a whole week of desserts, but they let us go out and get Lila to babysit,” she says. “We convinced them that we’re playing a prank on her and they have to keep her busy.”

“They won’t spill?” Marinette says, nibbling on her bottom lip. This plan has to go right. If one little thing goes wrong…

“Nah,” Alya says. “Ella and Etta love being in on pranks. And Chris feels like a grown-up because this is a Big Kids Plan. They wouldn’t dare.”

“I wanted to make her a Césaire Specialty drink to make her feel sick,” Nino grumbles. “Nora would’ve helped me. But Al wouldn’t let me.”

“I don’t need you to defend my honour after how she screwed me over,” Alya drawls before pecking him on the lips. “But I appreciate the sentiment. Ready to go?”

Marinette nods and opens the Miracle Box to retrieve the Fox, the Horse, and the Tiger. She hands them to Nino, Kagami, and Alya respectively.

“I know the Fox won’t be seen,” she says apologetically when Alya glances wistfully at the orange necklace resting against Nino’s blue shirt. “But if on the slim chance he doesn’t turn out to be Hawkmoth, I want Nino to have some experience with the Fox so that he can replace Rena Rouge.”

“I get it,” Alya sighs and slides on the panjas bracelet, causing Roaar to materialise in a flash of magenta light. “And if he is Hawkmoth?”

“Well, I am the Guardian,” Marinette says slowly, trying not to grin at the way Alya’s eyes light up. “And since only Hawkmoth and Mayura know your identity for sure because no one who was brainwashed remembers anything…”

“You think Chloé remembers?” Nino says. Alya’s face darkens at the reminder of Miracle Queen.

“I don’t know. We did forcibly deakumatise her, rather than Hawkmoth recalling it, but…” Marinette shrugs helplessly. “I don’t know nearly enough about the Miraculouses. I’m kind of barely treading water here.”

“We should do this,” Kagami says. If she ever needs glasses in the future, there definitely won’t be any disappointment on Marinette’s part; not with how Kaalki’s glasses frame Kagami’s brown eyes and make her freckles pop. “Adrien’s waiting for us. And if we leave it too late, we run the risk of arousing suspicion.”

“Right, right,” Nino says. “Trixx, let’s pounce!”

“Roaar, stalk the shadows!”

“Kaalki, full gallop!”

Marinette grins at the sight of the three heroes before her, clad in orange, magenta, and brown. She takes Alya and Nino by the hands and nods at Kagami to open the portal that will deposit them around the corner from the Agreste mansion, and once they’ve leapt out onto the road, the three of them duck into an alleyway.

“Just picture what you wanna create,” Alya says once Nino’s unslung his flute. “And since it’s a glamour, you have to direct it specifically at Marinette instead of in the general area. Takes a bit more focus but I know you can do it. And hey…” She looks him up and down, from his fox-eared hood to his baggy jacket and pants and his knee-length boots. “You look hot in my colours. I like.”

“Alya, stay focused,” Marinette chastises, though she can’t deny that if she saw Adrien in her colours – which she had, now that she thinks about it, with Misterbug, and his butt hadn’t looked half-bad in spots, even if she’d denied it at the time because he was Chat Noir – no, focus, Marinette! No Agreste booty!

“Alright, here goes.” Nino plays a small tune on his flute and flicks the orange orb at Marinette with a, “Mirage!” When the light fades, Marinette looks down at herself and nearly throws up upon seeing that her usual clothes have been replaced with the dreaded black romper and red jacket. And her hair – her precious, silky hair – now it’s in sausages!

“Lord help me,” Marinette mumbles in Lila’s voice. Alya makes to slap her on the back, then remembers just in time that this will dissipate the illusion.

“You’ll live, girl,” she says. “Shadowcat!”

Before Marinette’s eyes, Alya ripples out of sight, until she can only be maybe seen if one happens to squint in exactly the right direction. Even then, her chameleoned form shifts and ripples with the shadows around her, not allowing Marinette’s eyes to keep track of her for longer than a few seconds at best.

“Sweet,” Alya whispers. “And hey, I wonder if one of the guys who created Kitty Pryde had the Tiger.”

Marinette snorts but doesn’t say anything, lest she accidentally trap Alya in a conversation about superheroes and derail their whole plan. The two of them emerge from the alleyway and round the corner to approach the Agreste mansion, with Marinette emulating Lila’s strut as best as she can – ew – and Alya following close behind, only detectable by Marinette’s sixth sense honed from her experience of being Ladybug.

“Miss Rossi,” says Nathalie’s signature dry voice once Marinette’s pressed the doorbell buzzer and the weird electronic eye’s come whirring out to verify who it is. “I wasn’t aware that you were expected today.”

Marinette gasps and clasps her hand to her chest as she’s seen Lila do before. “Oh, you didn’t know?” she cries. “I thought I was supposed to have a study date with Adrien today! I’m just really falling behind, you see, and considering that Marinette kept throwing herself at him today…well, I haven’t really gotten much done and I could really use the help. And Mr Agreste approved of me as Adrien’s friend, didn’t he?”

Badmouthing herself – not that Nathalie knows – seems to do the trick. In a moment, the eye’s buzzing back into its socket and the massive gates swing open to admit her. Just before they can slam shut, she senses Alya slipping inside after her. The surprises pile on even more when Gabriel Agreste himself is waiting in the foyer to greet her once the front doors open.

“Miss Rossi,” he says coolly, his hands clasped behind his back as usual. Marinette lifts her hand to toy with one of her fake sausage fox tails, even if she can only feel air. God, this is weird.

“Oh! Hello, Mr Agreste!” she chirps. “I thought a surprise study date would make Adrien feel better. It was just awful today, you see, watching Marinette Dupain-Cheng constantly try to –”

“Spare me your theatrics,” Gabriel says. “Did you enjoy your modelling gig last week?”

“Ooh, of course!” Marinette nods and clasps her hands to her chest again. “Thank you ever so much for the opportunity, Mr Agreste! I’m really growing as a model because of you!”

“I’m glad to hear it. However…” Gabriel descends the stairs until he’s towering over Marinette, who has to resist the crushing urge to back away to avoid risking him dissipating the illusion by accident, because Lila Rossi doesn’t back down from anyone. “I haven’t seen much, ah…progress with our deal.”

“Our…deal?” Marinette says. Gabriel’s eyes flare.

“I do hope you haven’t lost what few brain cells I’ve seen you use,” he says acidly. “Yes, our deal, you silly child. Must I spell it out for you? You keep Marinette Dupain-Cheng away from Adrien, preferably getting her upset enough to be akumatised so that she stays away, and I provide you unlimited access to my son. And right now, I’m not seeing much fulfilment on your end.”

It’s a wonder that Marinette doesn’t throw up right then and there. Her little sixth sense is telling her that yes, Gabriel Agreste is Hawkmoth, because why else would he care about her being akumatised? Especially since she’s fought off Hawkmoth’s akumas before, so of course he’d take an interest in her! Is that why Lila had gotten her expelled? Because the only reason she hadn’t been akumatised then was Hawkmoth suddenly giving up for whatever reason!

“Y-Yes, of course,” Marinette says on shaky autopilot and fumbles for something that Lila would say about her to placate Gabriel. “I promise you’ll have your results. She’s just…annoyingly optimistic. Ever since I got her expelled, I haven’t managed to get her upset enough again, because she just seems to shake it off.”

Gabriel snorts. “Well, Miss Rossi, that certainly doesn’t reflect well on you, does it? At this rate, I might have to push her and my son together and break her in that way, what with her annoyingly massive crush on him. I already have to deal with his relationship with Miss Tsurugi in a way that won’t alienate her mother and cost me valuable business. But I’m sure you wouldn’t want that, would you?”

Marinette swallows down the bile that’s rising in her throat. Honestly, she’s not even sure how Alya’s holding herself back right now, because if the roles had been reversed, she would have gone for Gabriel’s throat for daring to hurt Alya.

“U-Understood, Mr Agreste,” she croaks. It’s only then that Gabriel smiles, if it can even be called that. Sure, his lips quirk upwards, but…there’s nothing in them. He looks more like a predator about to pounce on a particularly juicy piece of prey.

“I’m glad we see eye-to-eye, Miss Rossi,” Gabriel says. “Adrien’s upstairs in his room. Please do keep the commotion down to a minimum.”

Marinette nods and hurries to get the hell out of there, tearing through the labyrinth of hallways until she finally arrives at Adrien’s room. She doesn’t even knock on the door; she just bursts in, scaring Adrien into falling off his bed, and his look of disgust upon seeing Lila Rossi lasts only for as long as it takes for him to take in the look on her face.

“Marinette?” He rushes to her side and grabs her by the biceps, causing the illusion of Lila to vanish with faint flute music. Marinette just claps a hand over her mouth and rushes in the direction of Adrien’s bathroom, her stomach rolling, and she heaves and empties its contents right into the expensive porcelain bowl of Adrien’s toilet.

Gross. She’s always hated vomiting so, so much. Pain? Sure, keep tossing it at her and she’ll groan and deal with it. She gets enough of it as Ladybug. But nausea and vomiting? Marinette would rather die than have to constantly deal with it. There’s no worse feeling than your body actively rebelling against you in such a painful and disgusting manner. She’s vaguely aware of someone brushing the hair back from her forehead, murmuring soothingly, but she can’t focus enough to discern who it is and what they’re saying until finally, at long last, her heaving and retching die down.

“Eww,” she rasps, pushing herself onto her shaky feet to flush the toilet. She gags again when she runs her tongue over her teeth and cops the aftertaste, so the mystery person immediately guides her to the sink and pushes a bottle of green mouthwash towards her. Judging by the paleness of the hand, her mystery hero is Adrien, and this is confirmed when she tips her head back to take a swig of mouthwash and she catches a glimpse of golden hair in her peripheral vision.

“Well,” Adrien says once she’s gargled and spit, then wiped her mouth on a fluffy white towel nearby. “That was a better reaction than me. At least you just threw up. I up and had a panic attack and fainted.”

“I’m sorry for all the times I was ever a creepy stalker,” Marinette croaks as they leave the bathroom. “I promise I’ll never steal your phone to delete an embarrassing voicemail again, or try to spy on you in your room because of Lila, or –”

“I’d really rather we go over this when we’re both in the right frame of mind, yeah?” Adrien says. He stops and clasps her by the shoulders and squeezes, providing the little extra grounding she needs after what she’d just learned. “Considering that Fa – that Hawkmoth’s using us both like chess pieces, that’s the least of our worries.”

“He said – he said –” Marinette’s eyes sting. “I can’t believe – he’d actually support us getting together just to b-break us up…just to turn me into an akuma…but why me? He can’t know I’m Ladybug!”

“I know why.” Adrien pulls her in close, wraps his arms around her, and says, “Because you’re one of the strongest, kindest, best people around. People like you are like poison to people like Lila and Fa – Hawkmoth. They can’t understand people like you, so they lash out and try to tear you down. If our everyday Ladybug was an akuma…well, Paris wouldn’t stand a chance. But that won’t happen because you have me.”

“And me.” Alya wraps her arms around Marinette as well, her arms now bare rather than clad in magenta material.

“Me too, dude.” Wait, when did Nino get here?

“And you have me as well.” Kagami’s voice tops it off. Marinette blinks.

“Um – how –”

“I told Kagami to get here and bring Nino,” Alya says. “Figured you could do with the support after what we learned. And god, I’m gonna kill that guy – no, wait, death is too good for him –”

“Uh, Al, as much as I wanna stab him and dump him in a ditch somewhere,” Nino says, “you’re kinda getting a bit scary.”

Alya huffs in Marinette’s ear but falls silent and keeps up the group hug. It feels like an eternity before the five of them untangle themselves from each other but honestly, with how dazed Marinette’s been, it could have just been a few minutes.

“Thanks, guys,” Marinette mumbles. Alya smiles and nudges her.

“Of course,” she says. “Nino and I might not want to get in on your little love polygon but we’re still your best friends. We’ll always have your back.”

“It just means that this all ends tonight,” Kagami says, thumping her fist into her palm. “We need to get that Miraculous away from him. Not only can Ladybug not be allowed to be akumatised, but I’d throw myself into the Seine before I let Marinette or Adrien experience what it’s like to be akumatised.”

“You remember it?” Adrien says as Alya and Nino nod in agreement.

“Bits and pieces, dude,” Nino grimaces. “It’s like a nightmare. You wake up and you feel like shit, but you don’t remember everything that happened. Then you have weird dreams about it and you never know whether it actually happened or your brain’s just messing with you. Did I really drop you guys from, like, five hundred feet?”

“We’ve had worse,” Marinette says with a weak smile. “But Kagami’s right: we can’t allow this to go on any longer. It ends tonight.”