#can Ricky/ anyone else control him??

[paper-starz]

YO THIS IS SO COOL WTH??

Gordon’s design is horrifyingly awesome!! Since his face got smashed in you can’t really tell what expression he’s making, you can only see his jagged teeth, making him look SO uncanny in the best way possible!!

And the human designs for the puppets??? AGH! I LOVE THEM SO MUCH! The expressions and poses are absolutely LOVELY!

My Friendly Neighbourhood Swap AU!

Cringe but I’m free.

[canonizzyhours]

Re: 116 - I think it might help to differentiate between the vernacular "abuse," which is people mistreating each other, and the narrower "abusive relationship" or "domestic abuse" when we're talking about who's an "abuser." In vernacular terms, sure, Ed's Revenge was an abusive workplace because he ran the crew ragged and scared them all the time, even before things escalated after the wedding crashing. Intra-crew verbal and physical abuse abounds on the show as well, from insults to murder attempts. But if we're talking about DV/abusive relationships in a more formal sense, that's chronic behavior centered on control.

As he'd be the first to say, Ed has done lots of shitty things! He violated Lucius's trust and traumatized him by pushing him overboard. He's maimed people. And like nearly everyone on the show, his occupation is pretty much mugging people who are no doubt traumatized afterwards as well. In the vernacular sense, most of the cast has verbally and/or physically abused someone else on screen. But when you call a character "an abuser," what comes to mind is the second definition, which Ed doesn't fit, and Izzy does.

The big difference is one of control. Izzy isolates Ed by lying to him and the crew so it's Izzy who serves as the sole go-between that communications depend on and he controls the narrative. He constantly seeks to reinforce hierarchy in order to maintain his (self-perceived) superiority to the crew. This dovetails with the way he constantly seeks to maintain (self-perceived) masculinity by keeping himself and others to a narrowly prescribed set of acceptable manly/piratical behaviors. A lot of things conspire to knock this all down, but in summary:

1. He gets his big shot at being a captain and lives out all his authoritarian dreams...only to be nearly drowned in a mutiny within days and saved by the mere *presence* of Ed on the ship. So the lesson learned is that he can only have that superior position he craves by means of Ed, which is why he escalates to veiled death threats to make sure Ed stays where he needs him to be.

2. Ed implies that Izzy can easily be replaced, and Izzy is too exhausted by the constant raiding schedule to rationalize it away or try to threaten Ed again. Izzy's position depends on Ed. He needs Ed to need him - that's why he isolates him, to ensure that he won't have anyone else to lean on. But even now, in the moment of his greatest success, no Stede in sight...Ed *doesn't need him.*

3. At this precise moment of vulnerability, the crew steps in with kindness.

This is already long, so I'll stop there, but those are the cracks that let Izzy break down both his rigid masculinity (with the drag performance) and his need to be superior to the crew (his declaration to Ricky that piracy is about being part of something). But before that? Control all the way.

And none of that describes the Ed captaining the Revenge. It just doesn't. He doesn't try to make the crew dependent on him, he doesn't isolate or try to control anyone in order to maintain his position. His reaction to Frenchie disobeying orders and lying about it is pretty much a sarcastic "tsk tsk." Ed's behavior obviously traumatized the crew - there's a whole episode about it!- but no, he's not "an abuser."

#128.

related posts: #122 (i think you meant 122 instead of 116 based on your post but lmk if i'm wrong)

[unlikelyjapan]

s2e6 rewatch notes - part 1

I'm breaking this up over two days (for length, clarity, and my own mental health) - I pause and scribble my way through scenes as I go, so there may be a few repeats here and there.

Natalie's bereft face in the opening, attempting to disassociate but failing miserably because that's not her coping style. She obviously doesn't even smoke by the way she's holding the cigarette, she just does it because - much like working inside a commercial kitchen - it's the only legitimate excuse for a break from the chaos. Both she and Mikey act like they've just exited the fog of war (because they have) and - unlike Carmy - they've never had the emotional or material means to escape it.

Sugar's "No one can make anyone else act a certain way" comment to Mikey - it's very clear that they perceive mental illness from very different angles. Mikey admonishes Natalie for her check-ins as an attempt to blunt/control Donna's outbursts, and Sugar's skepticism of Mikey's strategy of just riding the lightning/ignoring the outburst (while acknowledging that he and Carmy have more success, but she attributes most of that to being the female middle child of a grievously ill female narcissist).

Carmy coming out = a hot mess of family dynamics. He asks Mikey (innocently enough) to come in and handle the crowd by being "fun cool guy" and Mikey assures him that he will, but with a vacant look in his eye (no wonder this man was on drugs, what other choices was he afforded?). Fak is literally yelling indistinctly inside, upping the chaos, as Richie bursts outdoors amidst the three siblings to ask if "there's any family shit going on that he should know about".

Along with just trying to be ok themselves, these three adult Berzattos are a magnet for every other wayward adult-child who needs a home to reckon with their own trauma, and their inclusion becomes their problem as well and only ups the frequency of the despair. Mikey literally makes space for the three of them by dismissing Richie "for a minute", and you can tell that's not normal protocol.

"Would it kill you to pick up the phone?" - Carmy is already wounded by Mikey more than 4 years before his death. You can immediately tell by Mikey's earnest response (along with his previous discussion with Sugar) that he was just keeping Carmy at arms length to ensure he never returned, to spare just one of them from a life of hardship. In spite of everything else we see about Mikey and how poorly he manages his trauma in this episode, he is an inherently good brother who started early in inciting loathing in the person he loves above all others just to save him.

I wanted to peek behind the "Our Mother of Victory, Pray for Us" bit, as you know damn well it wasn't selected by Storer by accident. The whole idea is that Mary, the Mother of Victory "pleads our cause with a mother’s heart and concern with whatever we bring her. Confident that Our Lady’s prayers are always heard we pray"

I may be reading too much into this, but that's a whole fuckton of power projected onto Donna. Even though it's said in jest, its maternal compassion and mercy that was never extended to the Berzatto kids. It could also be seen as "only Donna's prayers are heard and answered" (through the placating and emotional gymnastics performed by her children) so they utter this little prayer to her as much as they do to God - for control, for relative calm, for the day to simply be ok. They know better than to expect much more than that.

What is the actual point of Fak and Ted? I mean this narratively. I know that the Ricky actor who plays Ted originally worked on the set of The Bear in S1. Did the producers think they had an awesome "boys club" vibe and just plop them in as chauvinistic comic relief? Or is this part of a long-con? Do Fak and Teddy embezzle all of The Bear's money and retreat to Hawaii or something? Right now it's giving "Matty Matheson needs to sell more cookware" and I need a reason for this set-up, as the rest of the players offer more than enough relevant chaos to the episode.

Also, when they ask "Mrs. B, are our skateboards in here? Can we sleep over?" as Donna is cycling in the kitchen - Matty Matheson is in his 40's, so he time-traveled back to a rough-looking 35 to freeload off of his fake-besties Mom and aid in her spiral? I don't get the age timelines/ideas on what arrested development in this show are anymore....

"Say the fucking words" - ooof. I feel like a lot of ink has already been spilled on what the word "love" means in the Berzatto realm, but no wonder Carmy can't comprehend it even when it's right in front of him. Love to him is sacrifice and struggle, panic attacks, pacifying meltdowns, idealization and inevitable betrayal (hello other shoe!), and just saying the word because it diffuses an argument - not unlike rubbing one's chest.

So....what's the likelihood that the abusive chef at EMP is just a projection of Donna living rent-free in Carmy's head at this point? The way she lobs the ball at Carmy with all of the elements that need to be swapped when the timer goes off, the practical matters of running a high-pressure kitchen trailed with jests and insults and total emasculation. Yeah...I think it's pretty high up there.

The second Richie and Carmy trade off the homemade Sprite (before Carmy can grab the prosciutto and mortadella that his mom asked for 2 seconds ago) is just enough silence for Donna to feel abandoned and start unravelling again/start screaming about moving the pot. I can't quite place my finger on the weird amalgam of mental illnesses they gave this woman (hit me up, psych majors) but if its not over-scripted/acted, its a lot.....

Richie and Mikeys "Just take a break from being a mopey little fuck" - phew, these dudes really think that a high-school chick will be Carmy's salvation.

"I don't have a love of my life?" Carmy doesn't even flinch or show recognition of who they're talking about at first, and then it dawns on him that they've probably embarrassed him and he wants to crawl in a hole and die (which is the most honest feeling expressed this episode to date).

And wow. Donna intercepts the whole thing by throwing a spoon at Stevie and screaming "Richard, bring her the fucking pop!" - a.k.a the title of the previous episode with the house party. Those words ended the gang's harassment re: Claire, but then future Carmy willingly waded right back into the abyss of thoughtless conversations, bullying, projections, others' expectations, and the terrible Christmas.

Ok, that's it for now - I'll be back on my bullshit tomorrow.

[cookies-and-mirrors]

Prison of Stone and Flesh

Chapter Eight

This is a collaborative fic between @cookiesupplier and @faceless-mirror.

Dividers by @samspenandsword

Pairings: Chris x transfem!Vinny, Justin x transmasc!Ricky, Chris x Justin x Ryan, Chris x transmasc!Ricky, Ryan x ONBC, Ryan x transfem!Vinny, Ryan x transmasc!Ricky, Justin x transfem!Vinny

Triggerlist: transphobia, homophobia, abuse, SA, dubcon, religious trauma, past suicide attempts, mental health issues, grief. (To be added to)

Christopher, Justin, and Ryan are members of the Gargoyle Order, soldiers fighting in the angels war against the demonic supernatural evils of the world to protect human kind. Through the years they lost comrades and now just the three of them remain in their little town.

Now, Ricky and Vinny are moving into their church, stirring up old and new feelings, along with the past, posing the challenge of navigating this new chapter in their lives.

Can they all navigate this path successfully and break free of the prisons that is their lives of both stone and flesh, or will they all be trapped forever in a world that could prove to be a constant misery?

MASTERLIST HERE

Taglist: @embracethereaper42 @21-century-tae @dragon-chica @shilohrosechicken @phxntxsmicgoricxl

@missduffsblog @witchyweeb34 @spicywhenspeaking @lacktoesandtoddlerants @blackveilomens

@bngurngheart @dominuslunae @collapsedglasshouses @embracethereaper42 @emmmm127

@sunsshinesunny @latenightmusiclover @dontdiganothergravetoday

(please comment/reblog/message to be added to taglist)

Chapter Eight

Christopher had watched Vinny make the smoothie, confident enough in the fact that she knew, and made what she did, that he didn’t even need to question what she was making. Anyone else, and he would have wondered about that yogurt, he would have wondered and questioned whether it was vegan. Instead, she was guiding him over to a pri- oh. Oh. “Vinny, are you sure we should be sitting there? Isn’t that the confessional?” Christopher had not been in confession for a long time. Not officially anyway. He was dolled his penance daily, forced into stone, strangled of his life and breath in a way no mortal would ever understand. Experiencing their sleep was so refreshing compared. God had been so merciful compared to the way they had been created.

Jerahmiel had truly been right, they were the lesser creatures. The mortals seeing them as mere decorations was, not as much, a surprise sometimes, even one could argue they were a far more mighty tool in the war against evil.

“I mean… there's no better place. It means we can't take it out of here. Right? Just because this used to be a church doesn't mean we don't offer a safe place to talk about your life… what's bothering you… to grieve… to love… and to find safety, even if you don't think you need it.” Vinny said, sitting down and holding his hand, offering him the smoothie. “I used almond yogurt,” she explained warmly.

The gargoyle’s expression was soft as he regarded the mortal at her mention of not being able to take it out of here, not being able to take matters from the confessional, right. “BabyGirl, I don’t think that’s quite how it works without a priest involved, but nice try, I will however, accept the premise for the moment, with your intention of a… safe space.” The endearment slipped from him without even a thought, accepting his drink as he slid into place, folding his long legs under the small table. It was a cozy little booth considering the confessionals were never made to be very spacious, something the gargoyles knew all too very well.

Smiling at her mention of almond yogurt, “I didn’t think to question it.” Taking a sip and sighing at the citrusy flavour bursting on his tongue, he loved it. It took all his control not to glance back to the bar, back to the platform behind it, his fingers tight around the cup. “I trust you.”

She smiled softly, reaching up to pet his cheek. “Would you believe me if I told you that technically I am ordained? I got ordained before I came out, and I’ve officiated a wedding? I'm the closest you're going to get.” She teased gently, turning to face him and laid her legs over his lap to keep him still as she grinned. “Now… why don't you tell me what's going on?”

She was trying to ignore the fact that Chris had called her babygirl. As hard as it was.

Sitting down like this, made it easier for her to reach him, Christopher’s cheeks warming at the way she reached up and pet his face like that. No, she wasn’t the closest he was going to get considering he was literally covered in holy markings, and he could bless holy water and create all manner of holy weaponry as he needed them to fight against demons. But she was not to know that. If she needed to confess anything, here, now, he could take her confession and absolve her sins, probably better than any mortal priest, not that he’d ever thought of himself in such a manner. Christopher would never compare himself to the holy men of god that the angels considered blessed, because the mortals were at least worthy of protections, the gargoyles, they were, tools, to be used to cast aside. Christopher knew what he was. A monster, a thing, just a pawn to be used as they saw fit. He did his duty and would never give them cause for doubting him.

“What’s going on? Whatever do you mean?” Christopher paused, curious as to what she was looking for, sitting straight, still, he knew, it was the platform, it was his reaction to the platform.

“What's on your mind? Let me be your shoulder to lean on, Chris, I want to help give you peace of mind.” She whispered, her legs tensing to pull him closer temporarily. Like a hug. “Sometimes you just need an outside ear.”

He swallowed, heavily, his eyes glancing away from her, dancing around not settling on any one thing in this small space, but it wasn’t like he had anything really but her to focus on as she pulled him closer. Being so close to her was both intoxicating, and suffocating, and he couldn’t resist either if he was honest, he wanted to be more. He would lean in and let her wrap around him and choke every tiny breath from his lungs so he could have this moment. “I lose people, Vinny. Aside from Justin, Ryan, everyone I have ever cared for, everyone I have ever loved, I have lost, and every time, it’s like carving out a piece of my soul.”

Vinny sighed softly, “well… I don't intend on, going anywhere… let's start by talking about how you feel about the fact it's only the three of you… what happened? You don't have to be specific…” she murmured, taking his hand to hold it, giving it a gentle, supportive squeeze. “This is a safe place to talk and discuss what's bothering you. If you need to cry, you can, I'll hold you. If you need to scream… that's okay too.”

Christopher couldn’t look at her as she talked, and he felt horrible, the pit in his stomach was like a violent twisted-up knot as Vinny spoke of not going anywhere. Vinny had no clue on what she was saying, what, what she… “None of them have any intentions of ever going anywhere, BabyGirl, none of them ever have, but they always do.” He sighed heavily. His eyes closed as his let his senses on the noise in the bar diminish to white noise as best he could.

“I used to come here, when this was a Church proper. Even when it was abandoned.” It was then he brought his eyes back to Vinny. Smiling slightly, “It’s how we knew how to get in the back way, of course.” Sighing, it was the best way he could think of to explain it, it was something at least. “I prayed for them, every day, every last one, they died, one after the other, taken from us, our family, till we were all that was left. I don’t know how to feel about it just being us, it is just, us. What other way do we have. No one came back for us, not until Ricky and you showed up.”

She listened to him closely, eyes gentle as she watched him, petting his knuckles gently. “Well… I’m guessing you… suffered a lot. Death isn't easy. It’s hard to accept sometimes. Even harder to work through It. With how much you seem to have gone through… I’m assuming it was just… easier to ignore…” she sighed, “so dealing with it all at once… is awful.” 

The way she was stroking his fingers was making him breathless, his eyes drawn down to their hands together in the snug little booth setting, for a second there, Christopher didn’t think he could breathe. His eyes lifting to look at Vinny, but it wasn’t Vinny he was seeing, was it? No, her beautiful dress, was replaced by the same military garb that Christopher wore, those red streaks in her hair faded back to the brown like the rest, her curls as beautiful as ever. The bright vibrant green eyes staring back at him, and Christopher, he, he couldn’t.. He felt his eyes sting, closing them to try to block it out, he couldn’t, he had to focus.

Vinny didn’t understand, she couldn’t. “I have my duty, I have my responsibilities, my work. I can’t just-” Swallowing shakily, Christopher unknowingly grasped one of her hands tightly. “If I give in, I fear I won’t be able to come back.”

“Talking about it… doesn’t mean you’re going to be lost in it. You just need someone to help you through it, Chris. You deserve that comfort, even if you don't think you do. You definitely deserve comfort and love… grief is natural. But you need to be ready to let others in to support you. I’ll be here for you no matter the time of day.” She promised, stroking his hand softly, squeezing it a moment. “Who do you miss most…? Tell me about them?” She urged gently, brown and red curls framing her eyes that were tender and understanding.

Talk about it. Talk about it. As if it were that easy. He couldn’t just talk about it. Ryan, Justin, they were the only ones that might understand, and putting this on them would be cruel. Besides, there were some things the other gargoyles couldn’t understand, might never understand. Christopher honestly prayed to god, that they never would, because he wanted neither of them to ever understand this pain. That was when she asked a fateful question.

Who did he miss most? Tell her about them. If he thought he was going to have trouble breathing before, his eyes went wide as he stared at her then, and his eyes didn’t just sting with the tears, but his vision completely blurred as he looked away. Gulping as he forced himself to take air into his lungs. Vinny… Chenza… Vin… she… he…

“I can’t- she- she was-” He swallowed again, his hand now holding Vinny’s with surprising delicacy, despite the panic that was consuming him, the other gripping the side of the table so tightly his knuckles were turning white. 

Vinny didn't hesitate, wrapping her arms around him. “It's okay. Let it out. Just let it out.” she whispered gently, stroking his hair as she held him closer, pulling him to her chest, letting him hear her beating heart. “Just let it out.” She whispered, playing with his hair gently. Soothing him and pacifying him best she could. Or, at least, she hoped to.

“I… had someone I fell in love with… and.. they died too. I haven't been the same… but… I understand the grief.” She whispered, “he got killed keeping me safe.”

No, no, he couldn’t, the moment Vinny’s arms wrapped around him, his struggle to hold himself together became a losing battle. The tears swimming in his eyes were turning into sobs as he turned his face into her shoulder. His long black hair so loosely tied back to patrol, her playing with it had it falling down his back. He remembered the night Chenza died, how Jerahmiel had berated him for leaving her behind alone at the Church, unprotected, while the rest of the unit was on patrol. Yes, Jerahmiel had been there, but he’d been no match against the humans and hellhounds that the demons had sent into the Church to attack and kill her. Killing his mate, the leader of their unit's mate, weakening him, along with destroying two unborn gargoyles. 

Hearing Vinny’s talk about her love made it all the more worse. That even she had felt that sting of loss, that pain of death.. He couldn’t save her from it any more than he could save his Chenza. Vinny was just as broken as he was. Sometimes he wondered what use was this world worth saving. Why were the angels so adamant that they keep fighting, keep protecting a world full of so much darkness, so much hate and evil that they’d slaughter each other. He could talk of the demons, and the other supernatural evils, but the mortals could be just as toxic. Vinny, was a shining light, a beautiful soul, but she was one of so few.. And it pained him to know she hurt just as much.

Lifting his head from her shoulder, his tears slowing, though his eyes swimming still as he looked at Vinny, “You, you remind me so much of her. Your kindness, the gentle way you’ve sat here and poked me until you’ve gotten me to cave.” Chuckling slightly, sadly.. “She was so forthright like that, willing to push to help, making sure to do what was right.” Smiling almost, “The most beautiful soul, she could make almost anyone smile, and go out of her way for others.. But most of all..” 

Christopher sighed as he looked at Vinny, “She was authentic, true to herself in every way, just like you.”

Not a word was spoken as the smaller listened intently, hanging off every word he offered, committing it to memory. She listened… heard him out. She couldn't help but smile softly. “I’m sure she wouldn't want you to hide your feelings and lock yourself away. I know I wouldn't want that… thank you for trusting me.” She whispered, holding him closer, and kissed his forehead. “I'm happy I can remind you of her. Is that why the platform also got to you?” She asked gently, “I can have it moved…”

The fact that Vinny wasn’t entirely disturbed by him comparing this woman to her, this woman whom she’d compared to someone she’d fallen in love with. This woman whom he’d immediately gone to when she asked about who he missed the most out of those whom he’d lost, of those he was grieving. It was intense to say the least, and she was not only still comforting him, but not gently letting him go, and went so far to show him a tender intimate affection. The offer… “Please don’t.” He pleaded softly. “I’d hate to have it disappear. I used to, I used to go to it to talk to her before, it made, it felt like she was still, still here.”

She wasn’t though. Chenza was gone, his Chenza had been lost that night, and, and her babies.

She hummed softly, petting his cheek, tracing his cheek bone fondly. “Then… before the shop opens… come in. I'll let you place the flowers on the platform, and we change them daily. The flowers get distributed out to the other platforms from that one.” She offered, brushing a lock back from his face with a soft smile.

“You can mourn her. This is a safe place for happiness… grief… and healing. Okay? That's what coffee shops and bars are for. Easing worries.”

Christopher couldn’t help smiling softly at the thought, he liked that idea, and it felt just like Chenza, to want to be the one to bring light to the others. She would go out of her way to do things, just little things, to make others days better, even if it were ridiculous moments when they were out on patrol. He hated sometimes having to call her up on it, and she’d roll him for it later, having to go all commander on her. Did not help on single iota that she claimed every time that it just turned her on, so it was not helpful at all. Still, he was her commander, and he did have to give her a reprimand when she went too far… Had. Had been, her commander.

Easing worries, without thinking, Christopher sighed and leaned forward in the tiny space and pressed his lips ever so lightly against her skin, almost to her cheek, just off from the side of her lips.. But not touching her mouth. “Thank you, thank you, Vinny.” His words quiet, but then, before he pulled back, leaning his forehead gently against Vinny’s for a moment. A whisper of words, an angel blessing to watch over her, the enochian falling from his lips, he didn’t want to lose her too. They’d failed him so far, but, if he worked hard enough, he could make sure the blessing stuck.

She blushed at the kiss but closed her eyes, relaxing into it, her arms around his shoulders. Savoring the moment, she looked up at him sweetly, confused at the words but smiled at him. 

As he sat back he sighed, wiping at his cheeks gently, “I shouldn’t keep you, you’ll be up early, won’t you? I don’t want to ruin your sleep.”

She blinked a few times, “I suppose you're right. But… if you ever need me… come see me?” She asked, petting his cheek one more time, savoring the feeling of his skin. “Any time at all.” She assured, slowly moving to stand, though it was easy to see she didn't want to.

Christopher swallowed, pausing before he eased his long legs out to stand with her, smiling to her, already missing the feel of her touch, not wanting to go back to the hustle and bustle of the bar. The chaos of reality, and wishing to selfishly keep her cloistered in the tiny booth of the confessional for the rest of the night. She however was mortal, staying up all night, was not healthy for her, and she’d already been up all day. The need for sleep was important. He knew that much, unlike him, she didn’t have the luxury of being imprisoned in stone to rejuvenate her body. “I may take you up on that, as it is, tomorrow, I think I’ll get to be here a little bit more.” He’d patrolled the last two nights. Tomorrow, Justin and Ryan would take the shift together.

Vinny smiled at him and gently took his hand in hers, squeezing lightly. “You're far from alone… I’m right here… and your friends are too… of that I’m sure.” She whispered before standing on her tiptoes to press her lips to his cheek, close to his lips as close as she could. 

“Good night, Chris. I'll see you in the morning for the flowers.”

It was taking every ounce of his control not to turn his head just that little bit, and steal a kiss, just a little kiss, a press of his lips to hers with how close her lips pressed to his. Christopher could feel his skin tingle, from her touch, like how he imagined it might feel to have the sun on his skin sometimes, if he could ever feel the sun on his skin at all. He couldn’t, but a man could imagine now, couldn’t he? 

Nodding slightly, not trusting his voice otherwise, still, he had to let her go, and he had to make sure Justin and Ryan were making complete fools of themselves somehow. Justin more than Ryan really, Ryan was usually pretty reasonable, unless then there was an angel about, and then there was no telling what that man would do. Swallowing, he regained himself enough for at least a little, “Goodnight Vinny.”

Vinny slipped away upstairs with a small but happy yawn, slipping into pajamas and laying down to rest, eyes heavy as she fell into slumber. 

Ricky was just wiping down the bar now, the last surge of the night leaving, full of laughter and camaraderie, leaving Justin and Ryan remaining. Christopher glanced towards the bar, seeing Ricky flirting with the pair of gargoyles playfully mixing the final drinks for the night, placing each one on a coaster with a wink to the pair playfully. His eyes narrowed as he watched the bartender walking around the bar, hands ghosting over the pair temptingly. That, was curious.

Curious and dangerous. Remind him not to get on Ricky’s bad side, because despite all the problems that he’d had to handle, he was not that much of an idiot, thank you. No, he just had to babysit two of them sometimes. Speaking low, so Ryan and Justin could hear, “Don’t forget the dawn, and you’re both on patrol tomorrow night.” 

With that, he headed upstairs, pausing, before using the main staircase that used to be in the open area of the Church. It was so strange to him, was so used to having to go outside and around the building to use the back entrance to the rectory, but Vinny had assured him this would be fine. Did Ricky know? He seemed to have taken to Ryan and Justin, though. It was as he was stepping into the rectory, he got a tingle down his spine, he felt the echos of magic in the room.

That wasn’t good. Especially when he saw the envelope sitting on the pillow of his bed. Not Ryan’s, or Justin’s, but his. They knew where he slept when he got the chance, which he was just about to, nap, so he was bright, and awake for Vinny in the morning for the flowers… Christopher didn’t want to read it, whatever it was they’d sent him, but he had to, had it not only been weeks ago he’d been mentally begging for help? Now, it was the last thing he wanted, the closer they got to the mortals, the more dangerous. Picking up the envelope, he flipped it open and slid out the card, the script was fanciful, and annoying, but that was the angels.

Christopher stared at the writing on the card and groaned, this was the worst possible outcome. A new handler would destroy everything. 

The request for a new handler has been granted.

Expect them within the month.

“Fuck.”

[27emailsicantsend]

I just have a question to ask about Tim's IG post, "Not Canon (at this time)"? What does that even mean? Does that mean it'll be canon when spinoff is happening? Or...I am trying to figure out what he meant by that, haha. I think it's hint hint for a spinoff, am I right or is it something else that I might misinterpret it?

Oh I wanted to talk about this so thank you for sending!! For anyone who is curious, it was this post:

This is not the only hint he has made about a possible spin-off.

He’s said (I can’t go find all the direct quotes right now but I can give you what I can remember and I’ll post some pictures at the end):

-he’s wanted 5-7 seasons since the beginning

-he feels like the kids are graduating high school for now but the “next obvious place is college”

-he has brought up ideas to the network but nothing is official for now

-he has specifically mentioned Ricky and Gina and where THEY are going next (in the picture above and other interviews)

-he has a “surprise” for everyone after the show ends… which looked like something at East High but I haven’t seen the actual surprise. Unless he was talking about their Wicked song, but even then the picture of him mentioning the surprise didn’t look like the Wicked song set up… it looked different. (I’m so sorry I don’t have this picture but if anyone has it feel free to reblog with it!)

-he wanted the franchise to be “Degrassi”-esque with lots of spin-offs and seasons and such. It was never meant to end here.

Not to mention when Josh and Sofia were asked about a spin-off they just giggled and shrugged nervously but made jokes about it being a rina college spin off (the body language is suspicious and telling)

And the official HSMTMTS account (which I believe Tim has some control over) posted a really cryptic tweet/insta about how “happy endings are just the beginning”

HSMTMTS cast was invited to D23 I believe? This year which is only for announcing NEW things usually so it’s kind of weird to slot a show that’s ended?

I find the amount of promo we’re getting from Tim and the official HSMTMTS account is… bizarre for a show that just ended? Maybe we’d get stuff for a few days but they’ve been hammering it home like we’re getting a new season next week. I don’t really watch promo for a lot of other shows though, so this could be a normal amount.

We also know that the strike is impacting a LOT of things, including promotion or talks of new shows. Tim wouldn’t do a movie/show for this without his og cast on board, so I feel like they’re waiting for the strike to be over to start things.

All of this to say, I do think we’re getting more but the strike really halted any of that coming forth for now. But with how good the show did, the contract Tim just signed with Disney, and how we were really starting to get moment with these characters (not to mention views and $$$ it was bringing in for Disney), I would be SHOCKED if we didn’t get more.

Tim purposely ended the show where he did because he wanted it to end on a high note and close the “high school” chapter, but that doesn’t mean we can’t get another. I think Disney was probably ready to offer him a s5 but he didn’t want to risk it… with a new show, he can at least probably get 4 more seasons.

(don’t ask me what the hell is going on with bunk’d and their 7 seasons… I’m still trying to process that)

[monsterintheballroom]

Interview under the cut :-)

Penelope Wilton: ‘The Queen Mother was an extremely clever woman’

The actress, set to take up the royal role in Backstairs Billy, reveals the sadness behind the corgis, hats and handbags

By Elizabeth Grice 29 October 2023 • 11:00am

Penelope Wilton can still travel incognito. It’s curious that half a century of exposure on stage and screen, packed with glorious parts, awards and a damehood, has not spoiled her secret satisfaction in being able to merge with the crowd. Yet the moment she opens her mouth her cover is blown. That voice! Classy, correct, crystalline and absolutely unmistakable. It could launch a thousand ships.

It gives emotional heft to the graveyard-bench confidences of Anne, the empathetic widow in Ricky Gervais’s comedy-drama After Life. It’s integral to the brittle dignity of Isobel Crawley in Downton Abbey and it vibrates with controlled passion in the 2014 play Taken at Midnight for which she won an Olivier as Irmgard, the Jewish mother confronting the Gestapo over the incarceration of her son.

Soon it will be trained on Queen Elizabeth, the late Queen Mother, and in case you might imagine that she’ll be wafting gently along on a wave of public adoration she issues a prompt corrective. 

“There’s nothing sentimental about this. The Queen Mother was an extremely clever woman – very, very quick. She could be acerbic.” 

When she refused to leave London during the Second World War, “Hitler said she was the most dangerous woman in Europe. I think she was marvellous and I hope this play makes her more Technicolor and sharp so she’s not just a pale lady in chiffon. There was nothing she didn’t find interesting.”

Backstairs Billy, by the British-Brazilian-Australian playwright Marcelo Dos Santos, is about the unconventional relationship between the Queen Mother and her loyal but wayward servant, William Tallon, who more or less ran her life for 50 years until she died in 2002 at the age of 101.

“Although we are attempting to make me look like her physically,” says Wilton, “I’m not going to be doing an impersonation of her. It’s fiction. A made-up fantasy about what their lives were like at Clarence House. We don’t know how they talk. Biographers who put thoughts into words [spoken by their subjects] are rather annoying, actually, because how would they know?”

Still, by way of research she has immersed herself in the biographies so that no detail of the Queen Mother’s dress, mannerisms, heel-height, handbag size, salmon-fishing expertise or courtly extravagance escapes her. And, being Wilton, she absorbs the central truth that the party-loving ex-queen was probably, deep down, a lonely woman, widowed at 51 and needing to find a new way of living. There are poignant scenes as well as funny ones.

“She was of her time,” says Wilton, “an Edwardian lady. She was politically incorrect. She had served her country well and went on living the life that she wanted to live.”

More than anyone else (except perhaps Queen Elizabeth II, who bailed her mother out when she overspent) “Backstairs Billy” made that possible. Tallon was the ultimate devotee, anticipating her every need, getting her breakfast, ordering the flowers, looking after the corgis, organising guests at luncheons and receptions and always over-diligently topping up the champagne. 

Above all, he was amusing. She enjoyed his gentle mockery of some of the people she met and overlooked his sexual forays. “He made her life much more entertaining,” says Wilton. “She trusted him. She enjoyed his company. He didn’t have a family because he was gay and she adored him.”

The year is 1979. Britain is crippled by strikes and riots. The action takes place in her apartment at Clarence House which has caught some of the febrile atmosphere outside the palace gates. “The country was having a sort of nervous breakdown, as indeed it is now,” says Wilton.

The play’s comic potential lies in the Queen Mother’s relationships with her friends and the behaviour of people in her presence. “People about to meet the Royal family say, ‘Oh, I don’t care,’ but actually they do,” says Wilton. “They find themselves tongue-tied. They forget to curtsy. The Queen Mother was very good at putting them at ease.”

The play was commissioned by its director Michael Grandage, whose friend the late Una Stubbs had often told him, from first-hand stories of the Clarence House court, that Tallon would be a brilliant subject for a play.

The part lured the Welsh actor Luke Evans, 44, back to the stage after 16 years in film and television (including Beauty and the Beast and the Fast & Furious films) and Wilton, 77, is coquettishly pleased to be his Queen. “In fact, I’m thinking of taking him home,” she told the BBC’s The One Show. “We all need a Billy.”

Side by side on the television sofa, they presented a delightful, teasing twosome. Wilton’s fine hair is silver these days, swept up in a large comb at the back. She has a lovely smile and a slightly challenging air of expectation.

She is still fondly remembered for the 1980s BBC sitcom Ever Decreasing Circles. She was Regan to Michael Hordern’s Lear.

Theatre is her first love. “It is the last place where language is really, really important,” she said.

“I like doing new plays because that’s the future. I like the difficulty of it. I like solving the problems. 

“My job is to put onto the stage what the writer has written, not what the director feels on Monday about the play. Somebody has bothered to write this play, use this language.”

She’s fascinated by where a character will take her. “In the theatre you go on a journey every night.” In one of her favourite Shakespeare plays, Much Ado About Nothing (in which she was an award-winning Beatrice to Michael Gambon’s Benedick in 1981), “Beatrice starts the play very scornful of Benedick and he of her. By the end they are madly in love; they have gone on a journey of self-discovery. And you take the audience with you.”

This is certainly true of Wilton and Gervais, whose characters are both bereaved, in After Life. The series had such an immediate and grateful response from the public that she was asked to become patron of The Good Grief Trust, a charity for those who have suffered loss. Wilton’s eldest sister Rosemary died of a Covid-related illness in 2021. She has much to draw on.

Wilton was born in Scarborough, the middle of three girls. Her mother Alice Travers was an actress, as was her uncle the late Bill Travers. She married two actors – first Daniel Massey who died in 1998 and then, in 1991, Ian Holm with whom she starred in Harold Pinter’s Moonlight. Holm died in 2020. Though both marriages ended in divorce, a warm connection was never broken.

With Massey, after the loss of a premature son, she had a daughter, Alice, a theatre producer. Alice, 46, and her family live close by in west London and Wilton enjoys being a big part of the lives of her grandchildren, Daniel, 11, and Ella, seven. 

She likes the freedom of living by herself in a house ever-open to family and friends. “I can do what I like. I can go to bed at half-past eight if I want and I can eat what I want, when I want.” 

After a well-paid film, such as The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel or Downton, she will buy herself a painting.

Wilton’s trend-averse way of thinking as well as of being is refreshing.

She’s vehement about social media. “I’m not interested in people knowing where I am and what I’m doing. It’s terrible that people are chosen to be in plays or films because they have a following. If you’re a wonderful actor but a rather shy person you might not have a following.

“I wouldn’t say I was shy but I’m not a great extrovert either. I’m just sort of middling.”

Predictably, the pursuit of celebrity is not on her radar either. “It’s not a world I’m interested in so I don’t know much about it. I have absolutely nothing against people doing whatever they want to do but I don’t have to be part of it.” She cherishes her privacy in the same measured way. “I don’t make a great thing of it. I just go along, you know.”

Wilton tries not to think of roles she’d like to play. “Because it’s always a disappointment. It’s a bit like wallpaper. If you try and find that something in your mind you’re never going to find it.

“So it’s best to have a look and see what’s out there. This came as a tremendous surprise: to do a new play by a new writer who is really clever. I hope we do him service.”

Grandage has no doubt. “In everything Penelope Wilton does,” he says, “she avoids sentimentality. You know you’ll get something many layers deeper than that. With the Queen Mother, she offers an insight into someone we thought we knew

[moonmoonthecrabking]

a metric fuck-tonne of rtc incorrect quotes

Ocean: I love you guys, you're the best thing that's happened to me. Constance: We're the best thing that's ever happened to you? Ocean: Yes! Noel: And I thought your life couldn't get any sadder. Constance: Maybe you, I'm a damn delight.

Constance: Noel, keep an eye on Ocean today. They're going to say something to the wrong person and get punched. Noel: Sure, I’d love to see Ocean get punched. Constance: Try again. Noel, sighing: I will stop Ocean from getting punched.

Ocean: Penny and I were crossing the street, and this dude drove by and honked at us Noel: Sighing What did Penny do? Ocean: They chased him to the next red light, then reached into his window and… Penny: Who wants a steering wheel?

Ocean: Ugh. I'm going to regret asking this, but why are you on the floor? Noel: I'm depressed. Noel: Also I was stabbed, can you get Mischa, please.

Ricky (through an aac): We need to get through this locked door. Constance, give me your credit card. Constance: Here! Ricky, pocketing it (still through an aac): Thanks. Mischa, kick down the door.

Ricky (through an aac): My dear, if I accidentally sat on a voodoo doll of myself, would I be trapped forever in that position, doomed to starve to death? Penny: How am I supposed to know? Noel (shouting from the kitchen): You say, as if we don’t use you as a source of knowledge of the occult. Penny: sighs Penny: You wouldn't be trapped.

Constance: Dandelions symbolise everything I want to be in life Ricky (using an aac): Fluffy and dead with a gust of wind? Constance: Unapologetic. Hard to kill. Feral, filled with sunlight, bright, beautiful in a way that the conventional and controlling hate but cannot ever fully destroy. Stubborn. Happy. Bastardous. Friends with bees. Highly disapproving of lawns. Full of wishes that will be carried far after I die. Mischa: edible

Noel: Mischa stole from me first! Ocean: Mhm. Noel: Stole my heart… Ocean: It is still illegal to commit murder. Penny: Only if you get caught.

Mischa: Here’s a fun Christmas idea. We hang mistletoe, but instead of kissing, you have to FIGHT whoever else is under it. Ocean: Mischa no. Constance: Mistlefoe. Ocean: Please stop encouraging them. Constance: Sorry! ;)

Ricky: .. .----. -- / … --- .-. .-. -.-- [translation: I’M SORRY] Penny: What's that? Ricky (through an aac): Remorse code. Penny: I'm even angrier now.

Constance: Is letting someone win at chess sapiosexual bottoming? Ocean: Does anyone in this gosh darned group ever think before they speak? Constance: Sorry, Ocean! I love you. Ocean: That's the only reasonable thing I've heard come out of your mouth this week. Constance: Ocean: Love you too.

Constance: Ocean! My face is on fire! Ocean: Constance! Are you ok?! Constance: Sorry, I'm fine! I just said that to make sure you'd come in here quickly. Ocean: But your face is on fire. Constance: Yes! It's much faster than shaving.

Karnak, negotiating with Noel: We have Ocean. Give us ten thousand dollars and they will be returned to you unharmed Ocean: Whoa, whoa, wait, you think I’m only worth ten thousand dollars? Noel: Karnak: Ocean: MAKE IT ONE MILLION– Noel: OCEAN SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH YOU'RE LUCKY I'M RESCUING YOU IN THE FIRST PLACE

Ocean: WHY. why did you give Noel a KNIFE?! Penny: I’m sorry. They said they felt unsafe. Ocean: Now I feel unsafe! Penny: I’m sorry. Penny: … would you like a knife?

Ocean: Let me show you a picture from last night that really upset me Constance: Okay, but in my defense, Mischa bet me 50 cents I couldn’t drink all that shampoo. Ocean: That’s not what I wanted to- you drank SHAMPOO?! Ricky (through an aac): For 50 cents? Weak.

Constance: Come on, I wasn’t that drunk last night. Mischa: You were flirting with Ocean. Constance: So what? She's my wife! Mischa: You asked her if she was single. Constance: Mischa: And then you cried when she said she wasn't.

Penny: Who thinks I can fit 15 marshmallows in my mouth? Ocean: You are not what the world needs. Noel: But you are a coward. DO TWENTY.

Noel: Care for another sundae, weenie? Ocean: I am not a weenie! Ricky (through an aac): Relax, you’re among friends. raises their drink Ocean: My friends don’t hang out at Weenie Hut Jr’s. Mischa: You tell ‘em, Ocean! sips their drink Noel (betrayed): Mischa, what’re you doing here? Mischa (equally as betrayed): I’m always here on Double Weenie Wednesdays.

Constance: Hi, I know I of all people should be able to tell, but is Ocean sleeping or dead? Noel: Hopefully dead, I hated their guts. Ricky (through an aac device): Yeah, so did I. Ocean: Okay first of all, how dare you-

Ocean: I currently have 7 empty notebooks and I have no clue what to put in them. Suggestions? Noel: Put spaghetti in it. Ocean: I'm currently taking suggestions from literally anyone but you. Ricky (through an aac device): Put spaghetti in it. Ocean: I'm currently taking suggestions from anyone but you two. Constance: Put spaghetti in it. Ocean: I'm no longer taking suggestions.

Noel: Tonight, one of you will piss me off. Constance: Is it me, Noel? Noel: No, it’s not you. Ricky (through an aac device): Is it me, Noel? Noel: It’s not you either. Ocean: Is it me, Noel? Noel: Noel, mockingly: Is IT mE Noel? What the fuck do you think.

Ocean: How did none of you hear what I just said? Ricky (using an aac device): I’ve been zoned out for the past two and a half hours. Constance: I got distracted about halfway through, sorry! Noel: Ignoring you was a conscious decision.

Ocean, about Mischa: Apparently we’re getting someone new in the group. Noel (slightly too eager): Are we stealing them? Ricky (using an aac): New or used? Constance: Wonderful responses, both of you.

Ricky (using an aac): Self care is actually getting into fights with dog aliens who suppress cat aliens' rights on strange planets. Ocean: No, self care is stuff like taking a bubble bath, or putting on a lot of makeup if you like it, or taking a nice warm nap! Constance: Self care is the burning heat when rage washes over you!! Self care is when you feel the bones crack under your powerful fists!! Self care is the fear in your enemies’ eyes!!! Noel: Lmao self care is taking Ocean's birthday cake just so I can eat the frosting. Ocean: If you touch the birthday cake Constance made for me I’ll make you eat your hands.

Constance, setting down a card: Ace of spades RIcky, pulling out an Uno card that says: +4 Noel, pulling out a Pokémon card: Jolteon, I choose you Ocean, trembling: What are we playing?

Mischa (referring to Ocean): I prevented a murder today! :D Talia: Really? How’d you do that? Mischa: self control.

Mischa: I actually have a black belt. Noel: In what, karate? Mischa: No, from Gucci. Mischa: Admittedly, I stole it from my adoptive mother. She didn't even realise it was gone.

Noel: i went through an entire character arc during quarantine Noel: i became more evil if you’re curious Constance: We're still in quarantine, don't worry, there's time for a redemption arc still! Noel: i’m going to get worse on purpose

Constance: Stubs their toe FUCK! Ocean: Mind your language! Constance: What else am I supposed to say, “Woe is I”??? Ocean: Constance: You have to accept that swear words are necessary sometimes.

Mischa: Lol heads up if you try to make a candle with food coloring, the food coloring will just sink to the bottom of the glass, and when the flame eventually reaches the bottom all the food coloring will catch fire and become one giant tall flame that you cannot possibly blow out and the glass will start to crack and then you'll throw your tea on it in a panic and then the extremely hot food coloring will boil and sizzle horribly and then the glass will shatter. Please take my word on this lmfao Talia: What did you my love? Mischa: A MISTAKE

Mischa: You're like 10 times funnier and sexier than me Talia: 10 times infinity is still infinity though Mischa: Jokes on you, I'm too bisexual to do math Talia: My love, so am I, but I have common sense (and that's how passionflower came out to each other)

Talia: Okay. I get it. You've had a really hard time lately, you're stressed out, seven people died- Mischa: Twelve, actually. Talia: Not the point. Look, they're dead now and really whose fault is that? Mischa: Mine! Talia: That's right: no one's.

[mj-mcqueen]

Here's the whole cast of kids, plus the head counselor Peter, before his life was hell!

Peter- a poor, poor theatre camp director. He genuinely cares about these kids and putting on a good performance. He's got tired dad vibes. He's not a very optimistic guy, constantly stressed about the show and what the kids are doing. He tries to use "gentle parenting" on the kids but ends up getting walked over constantly. He has to deal with Zack's antics, Juliet's fury, Hannah's tears, and every kid's little quirks. He's doing his best, but don't blame him os he falls asleep accidentally on the job.

(there are a few more counselor characters although they've yet to be designed)

Zack- a rambunctious, hyperactive, sensitive kid who has a passion for the theatre but a chaotic personality that either leads to disaster or fights. He was the last to show up to the theatre, having been kicked out of his last one. His two best friends are Ricky and Cooper, although the other two are typically not involved in Zack's shenanigans. He and Juliet butt heads VERY often. He particularly enjoys bugging Peter, making his life a little harder as Zack fights for his attention (hint hint he's neglected at home). He secretly looks up to Peter like a dad. Zack isn't necessarily a bad kid on purpose, but he doesn't always think about his actions. He's a kid what can you do.

Ricky- an excitable, approachable kid who always has something to prove. He typically helps build the sets and props, while Zack helps paint. He wants to make Peter proud and put on a good show. Ricky has a tendency to be neurotic and stressed about things that aren't in his control. He's a people pleaser and overly helpful sometimes.

Cooper- the cool kid. they're the heartthrob of the theatre, they are constantly fought over by Juliet and Hannah. They're extremely humble and go between trying to make everyone laugh to hiding away of their own out of embarrassment. They're Zack's longest, bestest friend and just wants everyone to be happy. Cooper can handle a lot of attention but only sometimes pulls it to themself. They're secretly one of the funniest kids in the camp.

Juliet- the one that never gets a lead although she fully believes she deserves it. She's insecure, and constantly envious of her cast mates. She desperately wants to be best friends with Cooper, and they're too nice to turn her away. It's obvious to everyone else that she has a massive crush on him although she'll never admit it. She tries her hardest and always dares to continue even as she keeps failing. She's a kid, she's selfish. She has her flaws.

Rain- the youngest and cutest character in the group. He's kindhearted to a fault and extremely trusting. He is naive and loves his friends indefinitely. Rain tends to play kids or animals in the shows as his young and has a slight speech impediment. He gets wrapped up in Juliet's schemes to mess with Zack or Zack's schemes to cause some mischief, although Peter knows he's not really at fault. He's adorable.

Markus- a kid who played a British character once and can never go back. He always talks in a British accent and acts like he's a sad Victorian child, sick and poor. No matter what the show is, a Western or a modern one or whatever, he always talks in a British accent despite his growing up in the US.

Milly- the stage manager. She is reserved but can yell louder than anyone in the cast if they're causing a ruckus. Milly has about anything anyone needs in her backpack, like a first aid kit, snacks, Gatorade, duck tape, a screwdriver, and any kind of wire, she has it all. She watches over the kids like a hawk, making sure everyone is safe and the show runs smoothly. She can't act to save her life.

Danny- the younger sister of Cooper. She, like Milly, cannot act. She tries her best and always gives it her all, but every single time she's cast as an object, like a tree, a bench, a cloud, or a tumbleweed. She is sweet, caring, and gives people pep talks about how amazing they are.

Hannah- the powerhouse. She's the girl that's almost always the female lead without fail. She's sensitive, and dramatic, but is a genuinely nice person. She wants to date Cooper to be a power couple although he continuously lets her down gently. Hannah's best friend is Juliet, unaware of the burning jealousy Juliet holds for her. She almost always cries at the end of shows, her love for the theatre making her emotional at almost every moment.

Lana- the dancer. She's not a great actor, but she's certainly the best dancer out of all of them. All she wants to do it dance, and she wears her tap shoes at all times, despite Peter's pleading for her not to. Lana will periodically break out into dance. She loves to talk, annoying some of the other campers, although she means well and is a genuinely sweet person.

[thethistlegirlwrites]

Is your character…okay?

What’s the first thing you decided about your character? What’s something you still haven’t decided about them?

What’s the line between right and wrong for your character? How moral do they consider themself?

Who would your character give anything to be reunited with?

Are your character’s hands warm, or cold? Does it bother them? Do they ever make them someone else’s problem?

What gets your character up in the morning?

What kind of naming scheme does your character use for pets/kids/other nameable things? Do they care about names? Do they take it seriously, or go silly?

What is your character’s idea of comfort food? What about comfort media, or their go-to de-stress situation/company?

Does your character believe in love at first sight? How would they handle most cute relationship tropes?

For Dom... er, Nico

Thank you for the ask!

Is your character…okay? Not really. While Nico has successfully managed to get his vampire hunger under control, owns a cleaning company that offers employment to vampires, and is helping with Chimera's mentorship program and has already helped two fledglings get their lives back on track, his personal life is still something of a mess. He rarely sees his wife, only when he travels back to New York to replenish his home earth, and his son is still estranged from him even five years after his turn.

What’s the first thing you decided about your character? What’s something you still haven’t decided about them? The first thing I knew about Nico was that he was going to be an Italian vampire. That much I can tell from a note on my phone dated July 4, 2021. I had written down the line "He's an Italian vampire. And yes, he knows exactly how ridiculous that makes his life." When I needed to create a mentor OC for Joey, it just FIT. What I haven't decided is what exactly happened that finally pushed Nico to leave New York. I haven't quite decided how the showdown between him and his former hunter friend went, or what the outcome was for the hunter.

What’s the line between right and wrong for your character? How moral do they consider themself? Nico isn't quite sure where that line is himself. He used to be driven by hunting down and killing vampires, but now that he is one, he wants to keep his un-life. He struggled for a long time to come to terms with becoming the kind of thing he used to hate, and he's slightly more at peace with himself now, at least enough to help other vampires sort themselves out, but he has a former hunter's issues with morality to contend with. The line he refuses to cross is drinking blood from a human directly. He's done it only once, accidentally. The other times, he's either stolen bagged blood or found humans willing to draw off some of their own. He's stubborn about drinking human blood at the best of times, even when he needs it to heal himself, but he never wants to actually bite anyone again, mostly because of how traumatic the first experience was, but also because he doesn't want to run the risk of infecting anyone, or even drugging them with the vampire saliva.

Who would your character give anything to be reunited with? His son. Nico would trade everything he's built in his un-life in order to get Ricky back in it. After the disastrous post-turn experience for both of them, Nico isn't sure there's any way to earn his son's trust back, not as long as he's still a vampire, because it's entirely possible his son, raised in the hunter world, will only ever see him as a dangerous monster.

Are your character’s hands warm, or cold? Does it bother them? Do they ever make them someone else’s problem? They are always cold, or at least feel cold to a human. Vampires don't generate their own body heat, so they always adapt to the ambient air temperatures. Before he meets potential new clients of his cleaning company, Nico always uses hand-warmers, because most contracts also involve a handshake in the bargain and even people who know they're going to be hiring a vampire and are doing it willingly tend to get a little creeped out by dead hands.

What gets your character up in the morning? (Technically, in the evening, but...) Helping other vampires. There have only been a few months of his life in LA that Nico hasn't had a mentee. The first few while he was getting his company started, and the occasional gap between cases he's handed, but other than that, he's always got someone else he's responsible for and looking out for. That's what keeps him going. He knows his own life is a mess, but that doesn't matter so much when at least he can help other people sort theirs out.

What kind of naming scheme does your character use for pets/kids/other nameable things? Do they care about names? Do they take it seriously, or go silly? Nico usually leaves the naming of anything up to other people. He calls a lot of random objects 'that thing' or 'whatever that is', less because he can't remember what it's called and more because he knows whoever he's talking to knows what it is. He's not particularly good with names in general, and his wife named their son.

What is your character’s idea of comfort food? What about comfort media, or their go-to de-stress situation/company? When he was human, Nico's comfort food used to be his family's Italian wedding soup. Now, he'll occasionally make the broth to add to a packet of Synth-blood. Nico is fondest of music as comfort media. He's mildly dyslexic, so reading was never a big part of his life, and he watched a lot of cartoons with his kid when he was home, so the music he played in the car on hunts is what he is fondest of. He likes instrumental covers of pop songs best, especially when they get creative with it.  The people he's most comfortable de-stressing with are few and far between. He tries not to unload his problems on his mentees, although he usually does tell them about the situation he's in to give them a little insight into how much he does understand their situations with their families. Occasionally, he'll talk to Maira about some things, but it's usually mentor program related. He more often pulls back into himself, taking a little time on his own to get himself back together and be ready to face whatever the issue is again.

Does your character believe in love at first sight? How would they handle most cute relationship tropes? Nico believes more in a love that's built. He married his high school sweetheart he'd known for four years, and he was honest with her about his work even when that was frowned upon as she wasn't directly involved with the hunter community herself. Nico was as attentive and caring as it was possible to be given the work life he had, and they were able to make it work because Vanessa had grown up in an Air Force family and was used to the life of secrets and long separations. She refused to break up with him when he died and turned, and while they have some distance between them literally and metaphorically, she insists they stay together at least until Ricky graduates college, in the hopes that they can get their family back to some semblance of what they had.

(For Dom... er, Nico) I know, picking his nickname was a tossup between those...

From this ask game...

[malachixdubois]

⟨ ricky whittle. cisgender man. he/him. 43. ⟩ We just saw malachi dubois entering the high gate cemetery. I heard through the grapevine that their loyalties lie with [ the jolly rogers ] and that they also go by crosshair* . Be careful, they work for them as a assassin and can sometimes be morose, apathetic, or even resentful but I’ve also heard some people say that they were detail oriented, self-controlled, and quite resilient.

details (military, war, death tw)

Ariana Dubois was seventeen when she fell pregnant. Perhaps this wouldn’t have mattered if she’d been anyone was else, but as the only daughter of an upper class family, there were appearances to upkeep. Ariana never did confess the name of her son’s father but when he was born, it was clear that his father was not someone the Dubois parents would approve of.

Malachi Dubois was a quiet child. He suffered from a stutter in his early childhood, further proof of his flawed status. His grandparents hated him for what he represented – the ruination of all of the plans they’d had for their only daughter – but Ariana loved her son with all of her heart.

Growing up, Malachi hated everything about his life. California was lovely but his life itself was stuffy. He was the only biracial child at his school, a fact that the older boys used to torment him daily. Coming home was no better. His grandparents enrolled him in pointless activities just to get him out of the house… They never truly recovered from the scandal that was his birth, and never ceased to make him know just how much he’d ruined their lives.

When he was 15, Malachi was caught with a group of boys from the other side of town. They were everything his family was not – lower class, rough around the edges, and accepting of him – and he loved them. It was his idea to vandalize the private school he attended. It wasn’t supposed to be anything too serious, just a bit of graffiti. When they were caught, Malachi got off with a stern warning due to his grandparent’s influence. His friends did not fair as well.

In his early 20s, Malachi’s mother died. Having no other family to speak of, Malachi enlisted in the army. It was something he’d mulled over for years, but after his mother’s death, he realized that there was nothing tying him to his previous life anymore. He hadn’t made anything of himself and so far, all he’d managed to do was cast a shadow over his grandparents’ legacy.

While serving overseas, the Humvee that Malachi was in was hit by an IED. He was shipped home shortly after, a shell of a man. The wounds healed, but the scars ran deeper than the physical. He couldn’t sleep. He had so much anger in him that he couldn’t even recognize himself anymore.

He thought that a change of setting would help. He'd inherited his grandparents wealth and holdings and moving to London seemed like a good idea for feeling connected, but even there, thousands of miles away from the memories that dogged him, Malachi couldn't escape the grief and the abject guilt of having survived.

He attempted to convince himself that he could still be normal, whatever that looked like, which meant dating, attending events, and all the other things he hated. At one such event, he met Ophelia. The two fell fast into love, but the relationship burned out as quickly as it had started. Within a year, they were divorced.

With nothing else tethering him to "normalcy," Malachi decided to put his very particular set of skills to work for him. He began to pick up contracts for the Jolly Rogers and slowly worked his way up the ranks of their assassins.

He attempts to convince himself that he can still access normal, that being an assassin is something he does, not who he is, and that he is taking out people who deserve death. Guilt is still his most constant companion.

Connections:

Another American, I know, but honestly, he's been in London for almost two decades and has worked for the JRs for over a decade, so all the things: friends, enemies, coworkers, flings, etc etc.

[miasmat]

for the oc ask post: 🌹📙 ⭐ 🌸 for Seth? 👀

🌹 How easy is it for them to connect with others and make friends? On the flip side how easy is it for them to make an enemy of someone? Are they the kind of person who hangs around the food table at a party and never talks to anyone or are they the type who can talk to anyone?

Seth remained reclusive after his embrace, he doesn't go out of his way to make friends with other kindred but he can carry a conversation when there's an opportunity. Most of the time he is simply disregarded by kindred, seen as Beckett's student he is being left out of the conversation until Beckett invites him into it. (One time even being addressed as Beckett's ghoul, even though the kindred clearly knew better.) However, despite that, Seth is the type that can talk for hours on end with people he trusts.

📙 What kind of subjects (of conversation, of discussion, in school or whatever) does your OC find interesting or engaging or that they can talk for hours about? What kind of stuff do they just find fun?

Seth is fascinated by medicine, when he was attending the university he was especially interested in illnesses and their effects on human bodies. Now with the knowledge of the whole supernatural underworld, this curiosity extended to curses and all sorts of ill-wishes that come to fruition with any form of magic. As well as, due to his main form of 'work' being archeology while accompanying Beckett practically everywhere he goes, he also picked up that, he likes learning about the Kindred culture (and seeing that proud look on Beckett's face when Seth manages to notice something faster than he does). He still enjoys walking around at night, taking walks through cities they stay in, and feeling just normal like he did when he was alive once in a while.

⭐ What is your OC afraid of? Any crippling phobias or some such? How do they act when scared and what helps them calm down? Does anyone ever find your OC scary? Why?

Just like he was in life, after being embraced he is afraid of loneliness, he tried to fit in with the Camarilla, then Anarchs, then the Pyramid with other Tremere but something was always off and that feeling was always stuck in the back of his head that he didn't belong, didn't fit in, always an outcast. He recognizes himself as a weaker vampire, constantly being in presence of such a powerful kindred as Beckett. He is wary of other kindred, especially if he knows they have a certain reputation, i.e. a strong dislike for his clan. Seth gets jumpy when he's scared. He gets very irritable and almost paranoid. What helps him the most is either finding a small space for himself to calm down or, most effectively, having Beckett by his side, you can hardly feel afraid when you have a man with the experience of your lifetime multiplied by 10 watching your back.

🌸 What does your OC’s voice sound like? Their laugh? Are they good at singing? Do they have an accent?

Some time ago I was looking for a song for an animation I wanted to make, and felt like this voice matches Seth quite well. It's from Ricky Rosen's yt but I found out the video has been deleted so I'll link his channel.

I imagine his voice to still sound pretty young, matching his appearance. He's in the middle-higher range, depending on how much emotion he expresses when talking (and he tends to get hysterical often). His laugh is the type that just rips out of his chest, it's bubbly loud and infectious. The one you turn your head to to see what you're missing out on. Despite the example being a song lol I don't imagine Seth can sing really, his voice is sweet but he can't control it to carry a tune for anything else other than some soft/slow songs

Thank you for the ask, I love talking about Seth sdjghfsghdjf

[arickaandherfictionalothers]

I’d fight anyone for you

(Aricka x Ricky)

(After Ricky gets upset when someone insults him, Aricka comforts her best friend.)

(Best friend shoutout to Dori aka @yeehawselfshipping for being so amazing as always, for helping with Ricky’s dialogue and making me a gif just for this fic! You mean the world to me, I’m so blessed to know you.)

Aricka helped Ricky sit down, braced her hands on his arms. The night went from great to terrible in the time it takes to take a breath. Ricky was called something that hurt him. Resulting in him losing his temper and- well- accidentally beheading someone. But it wasn’t on purpose. He didn’t expect it to happen. And now they were dealing with the fallout.

“Ricky he was lying, just breathe, it’s okay. It’s me; it’s Aricka; just calm down, honey. It’s okay.” She soothes, rubbing her arms up and down his shoulders.

But Ricky wasn’t hearing it.

"IT'S NOT OKAY!" Ricky yells. He tries to steady his breathing, but he's too worked up at the moment, "He wasn't lying! I mean, LOOK AT ME!"

“Ricky he doesn’t MATTER-!” She exclaimed. “To the people who love you IT DOES NOT MATTER what you look like. I’ve told you that.” She grips his hands. “I keep telling you that. To me, you are perfect. I could care less what you look like. I’m more interested in your health, if you’re safe if you’re happy, not if you look like you stepped off the cover of a model magazine.” He was still struggling to grasp his control, but she kept speaking, “What if our roles were reversed? Hm? What if it was me in your place. Would you- would you let them treat me like they’re treating you? That’s why I’m upset. He called you something false and you’re upset about it and I can’t do ANYTHING about it. You need to take a step back and BREATHE, Ricky.” She touches his face, wiping some of the goo from his eyes. It stuck to her hands but she could care less.

Ricky tries to do as Aricka says. He takes longer, albeit shaky breaths. As his anger starts to fade, tears begin to well up in his eyes. He buries his face in his hands, falling to his knees. His breaths turning into sobs.

Aricka’s hands clench into fists briefly before wrapping her arms around him, sinking to her knees to hold him better. “It’s okay,” she whispered. The heat gone from her voice. “You’ve been put through something terrible and everything is upside down and I’m so sorry. I wish it was me in your place. You didn’t mean anything, I know you didn’t. I’m on your side Ricky. I’d fight anyone for you. Just take a minute and breath. It’s okay.”

Ricky rests his head on her shoulder, letting more tears fall before he speaks up again, "As much as I hate this," he takes a shaky breath before he can continue, "I'm glad it happened to me and not you. I don't know what I would've done if Elijah turned you into a freak instead."

“You’d have fought to protect me like I am right now-,” she whispered, her hand in his hair, the other wrapped around his middle. “Cause it’s us. And we fight for each other. You’re my dearest friend Ricky, and I hate seeing you so upset. I wish I was any closer to finding an antidote.” She felt a sense of loathing as she realized the longer Ricky was like this the more despondent they both felt.

Aricka was about five minutes away from marching right up to Elijah and giving him a piece of her mind. Consequences be screwed. “Ricky..” she whispered. Unsure of what else to say. “We can’t give up.”

"I know," he sighs, "I know."

“… so what now?”

"I'm not sure. Guess we keep trying to figure out how to make an antidote? We can go back to the shed, talk with the others, and see if we can come up with anything."

“Okay.” She nods. Hugs him one more time. “I’m going to fix this. I keep my promises. It’s going to all be over soon.”

“I know you will.”

“Okay then. Let’s go find the others and get some sleep. You look exhausted- you need to sleep.”

"I am exhausted," he gives a weak chuckle, "After, y'know... what just happened."

“So we talk, we plan; I leave, you sleep. Four things.. simple enough. We can’t risk Elijah finding me this late in the game.”

Ricky sighs, "Okay."

“I’ll be here first thing in the morning. With a trial of my antidote.”

"Alright. And be careful working with that stuff, okay? I don't want anything happening to you while you're trying to save us."

“I always wear my protective gear. I’m safe. I’m even wearing safety goggles OVER my glasses.”

"That's good to hear."

“You’re worth the slight fuzziness the giggles give my vision.”

They share a laugh- the best sound she’d heard all day; Ricky laughing after what he just went through- and she helps him stand. “I’m here. Always.”

“I know you are. And believe me, you make this situation a lot easier to handle than if you weren’t here.” She takes his hand- the left hand- and they make their way to the freak house, where the others were waiting. They talk for a while; and soon Ortiz and Ricky were sneaking her out of the house to her car, making sure she was safe from prying eyes, then heading back for the night.

Tomorrow would be a day of challenges. They would need all the sleep they could get.

~~~~~~

@astralshipper @rosieshipper @hyperionshipping @letsgofoletsgo @tsundere-selfship @callsign-revenge

[ugh154628]

A conversation between "Ricky" (Sam) and "Cece" days after our tension began over me dating him; May 2019.

May 12th, 2019. Relative Notes:

-" mom contacted her, supposedly threatening her. I never saw the messages though.

-He was arguing with her about her not wanting to talk on the phone.

-He implies it's going to be a secret conversation, saying he's going to delete the conversation after.

- "I will not let anyone bother you...if...we can just talk about it now." Translation: "I have control over people (lmao) and I will stop them only IF you talk to me." That's actually kind of harassing on his part. And if no one was supposed to be a part of the conversation, how tf was anyone supposed to know about this "agreement" and agree to it. How to ypu agree to something you aren't supposed to know about. And also, why would anyone listen to her about not making posts anymore when she wouldn't stop making posts about us? Thats literally nuts.

- "You better make sure no one makes a single post." As if Sam has control over other people deciding if they want to let her step on them or not. Considering she continued to make posts about all of us afterward. It's giving "I can say shitty things about you and you can't say shit back" and you have to have one egotistical power to think that's how things would work. The fact you even thought that is actually insane. I'm sorry, but you don't get special privileges to talk negatively about them and not expect them to defend themselves. And he doesn't have special privileges to "force" everyone else to be a doormat like him.

- She said to give her back some painting back as part of this "agreement." to what she says taking down a post about his friends and people making no more posts about her.

- Notice how she mentions nothing about people not to look at her blogs where she posted about others negatively. And even though she continued to stalk our social media and post paragraphs about the things we posted that had nothing to do with her right after this. Because she's a hypocrite and thinks she has special privileges to look at other's social media and talk about it.

.

.

.

In the final screenshot is proof that "Cece" posted these screenshots on her tumblr. She also said in the post "a month later Amber's boyfriend (my ex) like one of my posts." Implying that he continued to look at her blogs, it was him that accidentily liked her post, and then, she blamed me later. Make that make sense.

Next post:

[strcngergirls]

continued from here @theolderhenderson

elie was still trying to get use to the name change. after calling eleven el and switching it to jane was difficult. espeically when everyone still called her el. it felt wrong though to give a nickname of the number that was tattooed to her skin by an abusive man. elie still had no idea what had happened behind the walls of the lab. not for sure because jane never really spoke about it but she can only imagine what has gone down.

“listen, after the shit i’ve seen, you could tell me you changed colors and i would believe it.” after monsters, the death, the upside down, billy’s possession. who knows what else could happen if that was just the surface of everything. she listens as the other speaks. “more traumatizing.” she counters with a soft sigh. “he really didn’t help at all, huh? man was just evil and freaky.”

“they tried but she’s safe. being taken care of by someone i trust with my life. actually two adults that i trust. who’ve been there from the beginning of us finding all this shit. i’m not sure if they know. they’ve gone through every way they can to keep her hidden so i hope so.”

"Freaky is one way to put it." Francine can't help but laugh. For the first time in what feels like forever she feels seen, feels heard and understood. Something she never felt with anyone besides Ricky. But if Elie was telling the truth, if Eleven was safe and far from Brenner's clutches, she might be able to move on with her life. Ever since she left, a piece of her has been lingering in those hallways. A part of her mind that can't let go, can't forget about the other kids still in there. She always told herself she'd go back when she regained her strength, when she was sure she could take down the patriarchy once and for all. But when would that happen? Would all those kids die before she found the proper courage to do something about it?

She hadn't even realized she'd been holding her breath until a gust of air escapes her lungs, taking a heavy weight with it on the way out. She was safe. Francine didn't know how the girl managed to get away, but she wanted to think it was because of her and Ricky. Brenner had been caught off guard with the trios escape, his men were sent to look for them. Brenner only allowed a select few people to know what was going on inside the lab, so it wasn't as though he could just print a 'HELP WANTED' advertisement in the Hawkins Post to find replacement guards and orderlies. No, it meant his ranks were thinned and it might've helped Eleven get out. And maybe Henry had left, too. She desperately hoped that was the case.

"Thank you." The redhead has never said anything so sincerely in her life, or so it seemed. The Francine that existed before Hawkins Lab was dead, and this new hybrid of Fran and Six was all that was left. The guilt about her parents didn't exist anymore, instead replaced with a desperation to avenge the other kids in Brenner's care. Although she didn't do it herself, she was eternally grateful to whoever helped Eleven get out and stay out.

"I saw the way she looked in there. The way he watched her and controlled her like a pet. She deserves better than that." Francine wrapped her arms around herself, remembering the handful of times she'd seen the blonde little girl from behind the glass like a caged animal, not even knowing what kind of world existed outside those walls. Brenner had been so proud of his little experiment. He'd beamed when he told Francine how she looked at him like a father, and she remembered how it made her stomach flip-flop at the though of it. Her own father was evil, so she knew what it looked like. But even Roy Murphy wasn't as subtly maniacal as Martin Brenner. Her father was a fire, burning hot and destroying everything in it's path. Brenner, on the other hand, was like a venom. He slowly took hold until it was too late, until you were at the mercy of his bloodied hands.

"Is she..." Tramatized? Scared? Homesick? There were so many possibilities, and not all of them positive. Francine knew that Eleven wasn't under normal circumstances, but Eleven herself didn't know that. The Lab was all she'd ever known. "Is she happy?"

[cpunked]

I was a piece of shit when I was younger and I own that. I still regret choices that I made but I grew as a person I'm actually a person that I like now. I could be wrong but in my opinion he uses the fights to justify what he wants to do. This way he can't be accused of cheating because he throws it back in your face like the whole Mox and Cora situation. If you can, he can. With Mariah it was, you broke up with him so he's free to fuck whoever and you shouldn't say anything because you were the one to break up with him and push him in her bed. He doesn't think about how it makes you feel or look. If he had hit you, that whole locker room would have jumped him. Jamie for sure, hell she was ready to fight Jon on a dislocated shoulder and bad back. That's how much she loves you. Jon has jumped person after person in your defense and even saved Max from a beat down once and why? Because he loves you and knew you didn't want Max hurt. I'm not sure Max would spit on you if you were on fire but they would. Ricky would, I would, most people would. The fact Max walked away and hit a wall with his fist shows he was out of control but at least he has the good sense to walk away first. Tell him that he can't be friends with them, it's them or you. An injured adult? When he gets jumped it's because he deserves it. I give him credit for being with you when it happened but was it out of love or guilt because deep down he knows he caused it. You have never had any issues like that before you started seeing him and not till he started acting out. You're such a strong woman and got Adam through hell, Jamie and yourself through hell Max though hell with his injuries and either it was all that being too much or the stress of him fucking you over multiple times to where you just couldn't take anymore. You have to look after yourself, for you and for Matti. Do you think he wants you or just doesn't want anyone else to have you? You two need to have a serious talk because this isn't good for your health. It feels like you a toxic relationship even if you are broken up. I'm not sure it's a good thing to even be his friend after all this. I want you to be happy and be loved. You used to be happy and in control of your life and career and now it all seems to be on the back burner because of all this stress. Can you handle it if he tells you that? I don't want to find you curled up in a ball under a desk again. Jon told you that and you had a melt down. I'm not sure that won't happen again if Max does it. I'll make you a promise. If you come stay here to get your head together, I won't try anything. I'm not sure sex is what you need. You need rest and clarity.

Was it the chicken soup or the idea of me being a doctor that caused you to ghost me? I'm going to let you off and think you were so sick you didn't notice my message because I know you wouldn't just ignore me. We're too close for that. @drbbakerdmd.

[kikiofthevast]

I am thinking so hard about Noel Gruber.

I am thinking about how he spent so long in apathy, and was raised on tragic media about beautiful whores who didn’t care for anyone. I’m thinking about how he projected himself onto those women and cultivated this ideal of being a pretty woman in horrible pain and tragedy all the time.

He idealizes sin (and I’m gonna guess faced some serious homophobia) because while kids were growing up on media that showed the struggled to come of age and live in a new world different from the one you knew as a child, Noel grew up wanting his life to be a TRAGEDY in the truest sense.

When his father left he EXPECTED his life to become tragic. He expected mourning and to feel that loss in the way so many described grief to feel but his reaction was just. Apathy.

Noel wants so DESPERATELY to feel something, literally anything! Ideally pain but anything that can make him FEEL is ideal. The tragedies he watched unfold as a child made him feel, made him crave depravity and sin in a way that nobody else really understood.

So he tried to be normal. He tried to “blend in” and be like everyone else expected him to, but his worldview is so utterly fucked that I don’t think he ever made any friends by the way he reacts to Mischa showing him literally ANY positive affection.

Speaking of let’s talk about the musical itself.

Something that really caught my attention in the 2016 proshot was that Noel’s expressions differed from the others’ during the Fall Fair Suite and when they sing “is far behind on the ground”, Noel practically GRINS and stays grinning for most of the verse.

He doesn’t seem particularly bothered about being dead?? Mostly about being dead With Ocean. He’s also not really bothered by a lot of the musical numbers that kind of control him and he seems to actually have some kind of visible respect or admiration for Mischa, Constance, and Ricky.

Because this makes him feel. I headcanon the songs really do make the choir feel the emotions present in the song (and that’s part of the reason why Mischa is more than a bit defensive after Noel’s Lament) and this whole thing is making Noel FEEL more than he’s ever felt before.

Especially when Mischa gives Noel positive feedback on his performance and is openly friendly to him later in the musical. Noel doesn’t have any idea how to handle genuine love (outside of what his mother tries to provide) because while he’s confident in his sexual deviance and his “Monique” persona, he’s not NEARLY as confident and comfortable in himself as Noel.

Sure, he can match barbs with Ocean and he’s more passionately committed than Mischa and he knows too much about French new wave cinema but he’s never really had someone who cared about him as Noel, as his fully realized and passionate self.

No matter how unhealthy he may be.

Because that’s what he wanted. He wanted this horrible tragedy to be his life rather than just the dull boredom and apathy.

And then talking to Mischa, getting a hug from him, it makes him feel good and it’s disgusting but he craves the kindness too.

And he’s never actually had something close with a boy his own age because being openly gay in this town means that none of the guys probably spend a lot of time around him because he “scares them off” with his flirty personality and just generally being really weird if you talk to him for long enough that he can’t “act normal” anymore.

I’m utterly obsessed with him finding out that there’s more to life than tragedy.