#camden l. › … all .

[wolfbaenes]

oh, hey! i was going to get started on lunch. are you hungry?

[afterglowsainz]

the secret of us | oscar piastri

summary: after you break up with your boyfriend you start getting closer with a certain mclaren driver, but you’re afraid of what people might say about your new relationship

fc: dina denoire

warnings: ex!age gap, some ugly comments

request: here

a/n: this request is so perfect because gracie has been my hiperfixation since she released her album so i’m dying to write about her songs! also, i chose carlos for the ex since you said you didn’t mind, anything else i hope you like it <3

—

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yourusername vroom vroom 🏎

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username the queen is back at the paddock

username i hope you know i’m in love with you

username so beautifuuuul 💗

carlossainz55 hermosa🥰 (beautiful) (liked by yourusername)

username the best wag fr

username face tutorial!

username gorgeous girl 🥵

username stunning 😩

liked by yourusername, charles_leclerc and others

carlossainz55 not a bad start to the season 🏆

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username last picture goes craaazy

username well deserved podium👏🏽

username carlos in his villain era 😈

yourusername who’s that smooth operator 👀

carlossainz55 🤭

username go king !!!

username calos we can be world champions‼️

liked by oscarpiastri, olliebearman and others

yourusername tourist mode: on 🇮🇹🍝

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username ugh her !!!

username so gorgeous

bffusername prettiest girl in italy (liked by yourusername)

username did she and carlos broke up?

username ???? why?

username idk she hasn’t been to any gp’s lately and they don’t like or comment on each other posts like they used to

username they also haven’t been seen with each other since the beginning of the year

username they still follow each other tho so idk

liked by f1gossip, oscarpiastri and others

f1wags y/n y/l/n recently with her friends clubbing in milan

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username she looks so fun 🤩

username does this mean she isn’t going to this weekend’s race either? :(

f1wags doesn’t seem like it since she’s still in italy

username breakup rumors getting louder by the second

username oscar randomly liking this post then unliking? 😭

username he got caught lurking 👀

username if yn and carlos really broke up i’m gonna stop believing in love

liked by francisca.cgomes, oscarpiastri and others

yourusername babylon lovers hangin' lifetimes on a vine

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username oh no

username 💔💔💔

username wtf does that even mean 😭

username well, taylor wrote it so, you’re probably gonna have to google the meaning

francisca.cgomes face card 🤑

yourusername yours!!!

username omg this song with that specific lyric 😩

username they broke up broke up :(

username hot take but this is probably for the better?? their age gap was weird anyway

username get out of here

username no because who looks like that after a break up 😭

username right??? like she seriously has to be the prettiest woman ever

username guys they unfollowed each other i’m not okay !!!

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yourusername i missed this place 🏁 thank you so much mclaren for having me🧡

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username OMG???

username last thing i ever expected was seeing yn as a mclaren girlie ???

username no cause she has always been the ferrari it girl this gave me whiplash

username never beating the prettiest girl allegations

mclaren it was so nice to have you yn🧡 (liked by yourusername)

francisca.cgomes next time you’re coming to alpine with me!

lilymhe no no no, williams next💙

yourusername i’ll go to every garage at this point 🤣

username the way carlos was at the podium and she didn’t even glance at him once 😭

username and then she was photographed talking to charles and alex 😭😭

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yourusername i enjoy walking camden market in the afternoon☕️

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username yn in her london boy era ???

username and who is the london boy? 🤨

username i just know the breakup did her good she’s glowinggg

username yn in london is all the content i need

bffusername find me a british husband while you’re there

yourusername already networking!

username so pretty💞

username and they call her the it girl

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oscarpiastri london for the weekend🍵

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username he’s sooo boyfriend coded

username last pic made me feel woman things

username omg not him lowkey matching with yn🤭

username first two pics AND both in london⁉️

username coincidence??? or could they be…

username weird way to ask me to marry you but okay

landonorris london boy😎

oscarpiastri not you too🙄

username “you too” ???

liked by alexandrasaintmleux, oscarpiastri and others

yourusername we’re happy free confused and lonely in the best way ❤️

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username when you’re in a swiftie competition and your opponent is yn

alexandrasaintmleux happy birthday my yn💞

lilymhe happy happy birthday love💘

bffusername 22 years being the prettiest, coolest and kindest soul in the planet🤍

username i can’t believe she’s 22 😭

francisca.cgomes i don’t know about you🫵🏽 but tonight we’re going drinking

charles_leclerc happy birthday, yn!

flavy.barla happy birthday prettyyy💗

landonorris happy bday🥳

oscarpiastri happy birthday🤍

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f1gossip ex-wag y/n y/l/n celebrating her birthday party with her friends and allegedly oscar piastri

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username allegedly??? babe that’s clearly him

username last thing i expected was to see lando and oscar celebrating yn’s birthday

username 2ND PIC??? 🤭🤭

username they’re so hot

username oscar and yn together was not on my 2024 bingo card

username homie hopper

username are carlos and oscar even friends? 🤣

username i’m sooo invested in this couple

username oscar being always on her likes makes so much sense now

username my man was WAITING for her and carlos to break up to shoot his shot

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yourusername so happy to be back at the mclaren garage this weekend 🧡 best birthday present

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username and she was on oscar’s side of the garage🥹

username petition for mclaren to invite yn to every grand prix (liked by yourusername)

username it still feels weird to see her at mclaren and not ferrari but i’m so happy she’s still going to the races 💕

username am i the only one who finds it weird that she moved on from carlos to oscar that fast?

username yes

username she wants to be a wag so bad 🤣

username or maybe !!! just maybe !!! she’s just living her life and happened to meet a guy she likes who also happens to be a driver, mhhh 🤔

username the way they’re not even official 😭😭 y’all are making up things where there aren’t

oscarpiastri so my present was not the best? 🤨

yourusername close second!

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f1wags oscar piastri and y/n y/l/n at the grand prix’s after party

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username cute!

username awww they look good together 🥰

username OSCAR CAN YOU FIGHT

username i don’t understand why people glorify yn so much like she’s clearly a grid bunny it’s gross

username yeah the only reason she’s famous is because she dated a famous guy

username oscar deserves better

username i like them together 💞 they seem happy

username someone needs to save oscar from her 🤮

liked by yourusername, logansargeant and others

oscarpiastri monaco sight-seeing💐

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username well good morning to you too oscar piastri

username how did he bag a baddie like yn 😭

username by being socially awkward i assume

username forget him i want HER

username he’s really committed to the carlos hate train huh

username adopt me! i can be the fly on the wall!

username yn is stunning 😍

username the only couple ever

yourusername 🥰🥰🥰

oscarpiastri ❤️

[intomusings]

ೀ ﹒﹒  favorite   names   compilation    !

ur   fav   musings   girly   again   here   with   the   first   of   my   christmas   goodies   .   my   favorite   thing   to   do   is   these   name   compilations   so   i   decided   to   create   another   masterlist   of   my   absolute   favorite   ones   (   some   old   ,   mostly   new   )   anyways   all   i   ask   is   that   if   u   found   this   useful   ,   u   like   or   reblog   to   show   ur   support   .   i   hope   everyone   is   enjoying   the   holiday   season   ♡

- a : abella, ardella, ares, aire, arden, ayla, arie, alder, august, aymes, atlas, alina, alora, aryn.

- b : beau, babette, belle, blake, briar, bronte, banks, boston, bishop.

- c : cassiel, clara, celeste, camden, chandler, collins, clay, cartier, chanel, cosima.

- d : dove, dream, danica, delaney, drue, denver, dacey, delcy, darcy, dahlia.

- e : elodie, emory, emrys, elio, elowynne, emerson, evie, edie, estoria, esme, effy, evans.

- f : flora, faye, fallon, ford, forbes, finnick.

- g : gaia, geles, greer, gensen.

- h : hera, hudson, hampton, heath, harlowe.

- i : isla, inara, ilia.

- j : juniper, josefine, jane, jovie, joey.

- k : kiersten, kairo, kaia, kian, kouvr, keanu.

- l : lysander, lanie, lorena, lawson, lux, ludo, lourdes.

- m : marla, marigold, maren, maeve, marlowe, miller, monet.

- n : neah, north, nola, nell, noel, nariah, niamh, nami.

- o : ozzy, orion.

- p : presley, posy, pearl, porter, pacey, paxon.

- r : reed, ruelle, raya, romey, ryker, rhode, reign, rafe, rohan, raiden, remi, rion, rhiannon, reece, river, raine, rumer, reem, rhys.

- s : selah, soraya, sarifya, savion, sloane, sol, soren, scout, saint, striker, serafina, sabina, sutter.

- t : teal, twila, tristan, tobie, tripp, teague, tate.

- v : vienna, vega, vera, vincenzo.

- w : wren, winter, winona, winnie, wilder, weston.

- x : xaverie, xylah, xiomara, xander.

- y : yves, yara.

- z : zephyr.

[mentaltimetraveller]

Nicola L, I Am the Last Woman Object, 2024

at Camden Art Centre

(all photos Anna Souter/Hyperallergic

[imaginesforeveryone]

Fucking Peaky Blinder (Part 1)

Pairing: Alfie Solomons x Y/N Warning: swearing, angst, violence, slight flirting (in an Alfie way) Summary: You were a peaky blinder, involved in the alliance with Alfie of Camden Town. You as one of Tommy’s most trusted were left in Camden town while work needed to be done.

“Alright listen up you low life twats. I only have 3 rules here. Don’t touch the bread. Don’t touch the whiskey, and rule number 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 I’d not fucking care. Jewish women are off limits.” Alfie Solomons said to the crowd of men stood in front of him. You stood next to Thomas listening to Alfie speech. Alfie turning around giving you confirmation to speak. 

“ As Mr. Solomons said as long as you follow his rule should all go well around here. Biggest, don touch the bread, it may explode. ” You said walking up to them with the heels of you boots hitting the ground. 

“Any questions?” You asked out to the men. One raising his hand. 

“Yes” You Sid giving him confirmation to speak. 

“He said jewish women are off limits right? What about you? Are you Jewish. If not I plan to touch you, love.” The man in the front row laughed out. You gave a slight smirk. Turning to look at Thomas, he bowed his head at you, to let you go on. But, quickly a pretty pissed off Alfie walked passed you and into the mans face.

“Listen here, wise fuck head. She a superior to you. So id suggest you treat her as a superior around here.” Alfie spoke into his face. 

“I’ll let her superior me around anytime.” The man laughed out. 

“Alfie, I got this.” You said walking behind him, laying a hand on his shoulder for him to back off. 

“So baker. You think you can put a hand on me?” You asked closing the gap between the two of you. 

“Oh I think I can do more than put my hands on you, love.” He breathes out a snarky comment. You laughed out a bit. You unbuttoned the top few buttons of your blouse showing more of your cleavage to the man. 

“Alright do it. Touch me.” You said to him. His eyes widened as if he just got tackled from left and right. As he started to lift his hand to reach out to your breast, swiftly hitting him as hard as you could with a closed fist making him fall to the ground unconscious. 

“Alright now that we have that sorted. Any other questions?” You said looking up at the rest of the men, who all looked like they just shit themselves.

“When he wakes let him know maybe he’ll get another try if he’d like one. Pick him up.” You said turning around and buttoning the buttons again. 

“SHE SAID FUCKING PICK HIM UP!” Alfie yelled at the men who didn’t move when they were told to do something. Everyone scrambling to pick the man up. 

“You’ll do well here love.” Thomas said as you walked out the room with him. 

“I will be back in about a week maybe two. Till then you are in charge of the peaky side of the things that go on here.” Thomas said before moving out of the room and outside to his care. 

“Have fun love, but not to much.” He said tipping his hat to you. Feeling the doorway fill beside you with large Alfie, you looked over at him. 

“I think we will have fun miss. Y/L/N.” He said smirking down at you. 

“Oh you think Mr. Solomons?” She said turning towards him, with arms crossed, back against the door frame and looking up at him. 

“Oh yeah” He said looking you up and down. 

“ Would you like for me to show where you will be staying in this lovely city of mine?” Alfie asked breaking the silence. 

“Yes, thank you Mr. Solomons.” Following him out to his vehicle you got in and off you were through Camden town. Stopping not even a block from his factory. 

“Home sweet home love.” He said pointing to the large building that stood by its self. 

“I live just next door so if you need anything just let me know.” He said with a smirk. Getting out of the vehicle you grabbed you small purse as the driver grabbed your bags out of the back the car and carrying them to the front door for you. You opened the door to a beautiful decorated house. Very large at that. Didn’t expect this kind of decor from Alfie Solomons. You grabbed you bags brining them inside and setting them down to lock the door behind you. You sat at a small desk in the corner, grabbing your briefcase and taking a few sheets of paper out. 

Feeling like you have been staring at this paper work for hours, your let your stomach begin to growl. Standing up you went to the kitchen to see what there was to eat. Not much. Instead of eating at that moment because you didn’t want to go any here before you took a bath. Making your way upstairs looking at all the little decor that lined the wall next to the stairs. Finally making it to the top floor and into the bathroom. A beautiful, porcelain, claw tub sat right in the middle of the bathroom. You sat on a chair not too far from you. Unlacing your boots, and slipping them off. Slipping off the holster that rest over your shoulder and setting it ear the bath tub making sure it was in reaching distance. You started the bath, and dropped some soap in making it bubble up as the water ran. Stepping out of the rest of you clothing you. Now naked you dipped a toe into the water making sure it wasn’t to hot, but wasn’t to cold like the fidget weather out side. You shut the lights off only a candle illuminating light through the bathroom. Sinking into the tube the water covering the scars on your body, and the tattoos that ran up your back and arms. You took a wash cloth and soaking it of the soapy water and running it over your shoulders. Folding the small towel long ways you sinked further into the bath and laid it over your eyes. 

Hearing a slight creak of what sounded like the door open, you quickly stood and took you gun from you holster and pointed it at the door. Quickly realizing who it was. 

“Alfie. What the fuck are you doing! How did you get in!?” You asked sitting back onto the bath trying to cover yourself somewhat. 

“Don’t forget I own this town love.” He said jingling a large ring of keys. 

“Okay well, I’d like privacy you said with your gun hanging out of you hand outside of the tub.

"I figure you were hungry. I knew there wasn’t much in the house so I brought some over.” He said walking deeper into the dimly light bathroom and sitting on the chair just about a foot away from the tub. You groaned out and put your gun back into the holster and putting the wash cloth back over your eyes. 

“Thank you Alfie. Why are you still here though?” You asked with a sigh feeling eyes on you. 

“Your intriguing Y/N.” Alfie spoke as his voice echoed through the bathroom. 

“I tend to have that effect on people.” You breathed out. 

“Most women would be shaking with me this close to them. But not you. You perfectly fucking relaxed in the nude, in my tub, not even looking at me. Not normal for me love.” He said sinking into his chair still looking over at you. 

“Yeah well Mr. Solomons. I don’t scare easily, as you should know by now.” You said to him taking the wash cloth off you face snd looking over at him. 

“Then you wouldn’t mind if I joined you in the bath?” He asked standing up, taking his hat and jacket up. Leaning his cane up against the counter and undoing the buttons on his shirt revealing this very wide set shoulders and hairy chest. 

“I don’t think you’ll fit in here with me.” You spoke out trying to not show he was having some kind of effect on you you put the wash cloth back over your eyes. 

“Oh, I’m sure we can love.” He spoke out. Hearing the creak of the floor behind you and feeling hands dip down into the bed and lifting you out. 

“What the fuck are you doing Alfie!?” You yelled out as you pulled the cloth from your face. 

“Making the two of us fit.” He said as he put one foot into the tube then the other cradling you in his arms like you weighed less than a feather to him. He sunk down into the bath with you landing on to of him. Moving to the other side of ht tub so you were facing him. Legs just open towards him on either side of his body. He laid his head back and took in the heat from the water. You didn’t look away from him once. You couldn’t tell whether it was because of how amazing his body looked, or because you didn’t know if you trust hi enough to be this close to her, in this vulnerable of a state. You have never felt this emotion before. People feared you, you didn’t fear people. 

“Am I making you nervous love?” He asked pulling his head up to look at you. His long beard now a bit wet at the bottom. 

“Because if I am just tell me. I’ll get out right now.” He said sitting up a bit to look at your directly in the eyes. But you couldn’t show that he made you a little nervous, so you put your head back not looking at him anymore showing he doesn’t scare you. 

“Oh love, You’re going to be fun.”

[fallatyourfeet]

Faded Shadows (Alfie Solomons x Reader)

Summary: Alfie never could have guessed how things would play out after you virtually forced your way into his office.

Word count: 1205

Warnings: Swearing, lots and lots of it. Alludes to physical abuse. And the reader is a newly widowed woman.

A/N: Okay, so this fic started off with playful intentions, but quickly grew pretty macabre. I take no responsibility for it. It just happened. It's not my fault.

Please feel free to send me a message/comment/ask, I would love to know what you think.

If you like this, please feel free to visit my blog and take a look around! You can find my masterlist in my bio.

It was true. The people in Alfie’s neighbourhood were hardly known for their fine King’s English. It's fair to say the Camden Town tongue was a little rough around the edges and not shy of curse word or two. And Alfie’s ears were certainly no stranger to the odd colourful word slipping from the mouths of the women in his life. But never, as a boy, teenager or fully grown man had he heard such brutal language coming from such a sweet-sounding voice. If everyone around him swore like sailors, then the faceless voice causing a ruckus from somewhere outside his office, surely wrote the sailor’s dictionary. 

Partly frustrated but mostly amused, Alfie dropped his pen to the desk and leaned back in his chair, listening to the string of words caught between the all the expletives. “Fucking let go of me you filthy c**ts, I’m gonna get in that fucking room one way or another... That bastard in there, had my bloody husband killed... and I wanna see his goddamn face.”  

Alfie’s amusement dissolved, replaced by an audible sigh of dread as he mumbled under his breath, “Fuck... a bloody widow.” Yelling out to Caleb, he demanded, “Let the woman in would ya, she ain’t gonna let it go.” Standing up he moved to the side of his desk, mumbling to himself again, “Might as well get this over with.” 

Coming through the door between two of his men, you ripped your arms from their grip, giving them the filthiest look as you did so. Your face was one of the sweetest things he had ever seen, but the look was so deadly Alfie had to hold back a chuckle. ‘You were a feisty one, weren’t you?’ 

Taking a deep calming breath, you smoothed over your dress. It was well worn and long out of fashion, but you were immaculate. You obviously didn’t have a penny to scratch together, but you took pride in yourself, making the most of what you had. And Alfie found himself warming to you already. 

Running your fingers through your hair, you tamed all the locks that had escaped during your scuffle with his men, and finally looked at him. Your expression had lost almost all of its venom, nearly matching the sweetness of your beautiful features and he instantly felt a pang of guilt. One, for being the reason you were now a widow, and two, for finding a newly widowed woman so bloody attractive.  

Lifting your chin in a show of defiance; or was it pride? you held his intense gaze, and if you felt a single ounce of fear, you did not show it. Either way, he thought to himself, ‘Hmph, beautiful and brave.’  

Clearing your throat, you spoke, your words suddenly devoid of any of the foul language he heard spilling from your mouth just moments ago, “Alfie Solomons?” 

With a nod, Alfie crossed his arms before him, “Yeah, that’d be me.” 

Taking a step closer, you also nodded your head, your eyes never leaving his, “My name is Y/N Y/L/N, and your men murdered my husband, Peter, three days ago.” Alfie opened his mouth to respond, but you held a single finger in the air, a silent, but very clear gesture to shut him up. The moment he closed his mouth you lowered your hand, and continued, “Did they shoot him on your order?”  

Alfie wasn’t quite sure how to respond. Sure, from time to time he lost a bit of sleep over the number of men that were tossed into shallow graves by his order. But the reality of standing there, looking into your expressive E/C eyes and taking responsibility for killing the man you loved, twisted like a burning hot poker in his stomach. He doubted he would sleep for months.  

A moment of silence passed, and your expression shifted with a touch of impatience while you waited for your answer. Moving his arms from across his chest, he shuffled on his feet, his hands coming to rest at his hips, it was almost defensive, “Yeah, I did... He was becoming too much of a liability.” Alfie almost cringed at his words. Although true, they seemed too harsh as he heard them slip from his lips. His bluntness had never bothered him before but using it on you felt like a crime. Raising his hands in the air, he quickly spoke again, wanting to rephrase a little more tactfully, “I’m sorry, forgive my bluntness... but your husband-” 

Taking him by surprise, you cut him off, “Stop. I don’t need to know the reason.” Alfie stood there, mouth open, completely unprepared for the words you spoke next, “You don’t know how many times I stood beside that drunk, good for nothin’ monster as he lay passed out on the bed, just wishing I was brave enough to push a pillow against his face.” Honestly, Alfie was at a loss for words, but you were not. Taking a step closer, you were almost close enough to touch. Searching your eyes, he tried to understand the gratitude they held, but he quickly understood when you spoke again, “I’m thankful he’s gone... but I’m thankful I didn’t have to do it myself... because I don’t think I could have lived with the guilt.”  

And that was when Alfie saw them, the faded shadows across your arms... around the base of your neck... and along your cheekbone. The ghosts of bruises partially disguised by whatever powder you had covered them with. Suddenly, any worries he had about sleepless nights, dissolved. The only guilt he felt was for not killing the bastard sooner.  

Words finally found their way to his lips, trying to lighten the rather heavy interaction, “Well, ain’t this a fuckin’ turn of events? I thought I was a goner when I heard you out the front of my office... Remind me to never get on your bad side, yeah?” 

For the first time, you looked a little coy, “Ah... yeah sorry about the language. My mouth has a habit of running away with me when I’m worked up... and your men just wouldn’t listen.” 

Alfie chuckled, “With a mouth like that, you fit right in around here.” Speaking the words flicked a switch on inside his head. This feisty little firecracker of a woman really would fit right in, and God knows he was drowning in paperwork. It was high time he could do with some help. If he was being completely honest with himself, the thought of having you close by pleased him in ways he couldn’t explain. And under his protection he could make sure he never had to see those horrible faded shadows across your skin again. He would make sure of it. 

Moving back to his seat behind the desk, he gestured to the chair in front, “Why don’t cha take a seat Mrs Y/L/N, I’d like to make a little proposition... and if ya accept, those men out the front will have no choice but to listen to ya.” Resting his elbows on the desk, he leaned forward and asked, your answering smile, lighting up the edges of his heart. “How well do ya know your way around a typewriter?” 

[velvetjune]

Incredible findings with the new photo mode feature of Alan Wake 2 (full text below)

Full text:

Back of book:

BE EXTREMELY SERIOUS!

In this "Camden Gazette Bestseller" nominated masterpiece, seriousness coach, motivational speaker, and startup founder James Hawken explains how having too much fun can lead to a life of sadness. Using his proven "Fun Free" technique, James will teach you how to laugh less, frown more, and become the serious presence our world today desperately needs.

Do you miss the tumbleweeds drifting across the plaines of your existence because those fields are now occupied by loud, obnoxious fun seekers and party-goers? Look no further. "No More Fun" is a scientifically supported, no-nonsense approach to empirical seriousness and a drier, more arid lifestyle.

With "No More Fun" Hawken provides the most complete, practical guide available for a truly serious lifestyle and will show YOU how to get those pesky, playing kids and colorful balloons off the lawn of your life for good!

BECOME A NO FUNNER!

Pages of book:

-worrying that you don't have the fortitude necessary to pursue the No Fun Life. Perhaps you fret that you have spent too much of your life chasing joyful pursuits and have thus glutted the receptors of your brain beyond the capacity for seriousness, like an elastic waistband slackened by years of overindulgent meals. But fear not, gentle reader, even the biggest roller coaster junkies and EDM drop chasing neer-do-wells can still find the ability within themselves to reject “The F Word.” The mind's capacity for seriousness is not an elastic waistband; it's a muscle, and just like a muscle, we can get it back in shape.

So let’s hit the seriousness gym together and turn that fun-loving flab into a muscular love of drab! I will share some examples from my own life of exercises that have been helpful for me in times of the threat of levity.

A few months ago, l was riding my bicycle to the police station to deliver my weekly “Civilian Watch” notes. As my usual route was under construction (the disruptive noise from which | had been certain to mention in my C.W. notes) I was obliged to take an alternative route through the public park adjacent to the police station. This, Im sure you know I take no pleasure in telling you, was a minefield of potential amusements. There were playgrounds with laughing children, dogs chasing tying disks fung carelessly by their owners, joggers enjoying physical activity in garishly colored stretch fabrics... For someone not vigilantly committed to seriousness, such an environment could incite smiles at any moment.

Pulling my tweed jacket tightly about my torso and affixing my best stern look to my face, I began my bike ride past all the ambling, capering, joyful souls engaged in their toxic frivolity with the intent of trying to model - and hopefully inspire - good, serious behavior. But as I rode, turning up my nose at the toddler feeding day old croissants to the ducks, something began to happen. I felt myself movin faster than my gentle pedaling could account for. I felt the wind tugging at the pullstrings of my cycling bonnet. Yes, dear reader, I had accidentally found myself suddenly descending a hill.

As any student of seriousness will recognize, a bicycle and a hill when paired together represent a dangerous combination - It is a razors edge away from the alchemical recipe for whimsy. One misstep could find the predictable, reliable chore of reaching one's destination inadvertently transformed into an enjoyable leisure activity. This is where my seriousness exercises kicked in. I reminded myself that nothing would be gained in reaching my destination sooner - I was not meeting friends, I was not attending some sort of fun fair or cinema - it was work I was going to do at the police station as a member of the Civilian (albeit volunteered, unasked for work, as the Civilian Watch was a creation of my devising, but work all the same).

Next, I used all my will power to ignore anything remotely amusing about the situation, and instead focused on the drudgery or tedium therein. The wind blowing my hair was not a pleasant experience that reminded me of my childhood; it was merely a means for bugs to spatter across my safety goggles and to become ensnared in my pomade. The increased speed from the downward slope was not a relaxing respite from the rest of the ride; it was the potential for danger and a need to apply the brakes so as to not risk injury to myself, others, or public property.

However, ignoring and re-contextualizing are not the only tricks in my anti-fun toolbox. I also highly recommend devising a list of potential Mental Distractions. Think of these as exercises or small tasks, designed to use as much mental activity as possible. Doing them wil fill your "brain space" and crowd out any intrusive "Fun" thoughts. "What sorts of exercises?" did I hear you ask? Well fear not, dear reader, I was about to enumerate a few examples! (Even if that wasn't what you were asking, I still suggest you continue reading.)

The first of my personal favorite Mental Distractions is list recitation. Any sort of list will do, but we must make sure to have a distinct order schema for extra effective results. For example, you could recite the names of your local Chamber of Commerce committee members in order of their seniority. Or your favorite cereal mueslis in descending order of their Daily Fiber. By not only listing, but ranking it will occupy even more "brain space."*

Another excellent Metal Distraction is visualizing your family tree - not as a literal tree mind you, as such frivolous imagery both destructive to the psyche and counter-productive to the intention of the exercise! Once you have carefully mind-mapped your parents, uncles, aunts, grandparents, grand-uncles, grand-aunts, great-uncles, second-cousins and so forth you can then proceed to systematically eliminating member according to who in your family has died until only the living remain. It becomes particularly effective if you also remember the specific way in which each family member has passed. This exercise not only focuses the mind, it doubles as a helpful reminder for what medical screenings or checkups you should request at the doctor's office.

At a recent dinner party I used my sianature "Color Renaming" exercise. In this, I visualize a box of children's crayons. If you’re not familiar, many companies who create such writing implements will often give “amusing” names to the colors. For example, naming the blue after the sky or some songbird or some other frivolity. In this exercise, it is now your turn to be the crayon namer as you ascribe serious, sensible names to the color. Instead of “Macaroni and Cheese,” orange could be named “Biowaste Disposal Container Orange.” “Cornflower Blue” becomes “Heart Pressure Medication Blue.” And so forth.

*Editor’s Note: In the first edition of this book the author wrote “Bran Space” which we thought was a joke. He would like to assure readers it was a “typographical error with no nods towards levity whatsoever”.

[pacifymebby]

t r o u b l e / chapter thirty nine

Sylvie

It started pissing it down just as we left the hospital. Alfie had tucked me under his coat again, protective arm around my shoulder, and lead me through the maze of hospital corridors and out of some fire exit located towards the back of the building. It opened out onto nothing much, a grassy bank, some yellow and red bins. The metal barriers at the roadside.

"Oh what cinematic timing..." Grumbled Alfie as the rain drummed down thick and fast, bouncing off the paving slabs like tiny stones. "Your lot would probably call that an omen wouldn't they..." He carried on, gesturing vaguely to the sky though he was actually looking through the rain for something else. The second car that Ollie had been summoned to pick us up in.

I didn't say anything.

My mind hadn't really left Michael's side in that hospital room. All I could really wonder as the rain soaked us to the bone, was whether rain like that would be enough to wash the grey look of death from my cousins skin. Whether it could wash the blood away.

"Always said he had too much respect for the speed-limit..." Alfie was grumbling about Ollie but I hadn't been listening, not until he squeezed me in a little closer to his side. "See thing is little Shelby I reckon we need to get movin yeah, get away from this 'orrible buildin right, wouldn't wanna hang around too long cause see when you hang around 'ospitals too long yeah, you start catchin things..."

"Don't think you can catch what Michael's got..." I said dryly, letting him move us both along anyway, quickening my pace to keep up with him.

"On the contrary little Shelby..." he said, "thats why you've gotta be careful." He said, beneath his coat he had me tucked right in beside him, my slender frame so small beneath his arm. It was a good feeling, to be rooted, to be held against someone so sturdy when my own feet felt light and my ribs felt so hollow. When I couldn't quite feel my hands and my mind felt detached. "Thats a good girl eh, you keep your head up now, don't wanna look like you're trying not to be seen... ain't no way no ones gonna recognise you with that hood up sweetheart, far as anyones concerned - which they shouldn't be anyway cause it's none of their f'ck'n business yeah - far as anyones concerned this is just me an my girl out yeah, visiting me old grandma post hip-replacement..."

I cracked half a laugh at that, grateful for his tangents, grateful for the way he so easily shrugged my brother feud and the enemies who lurked in our shadows off. Like they weren't there at all. But of course they were and of course I knew Alfie was only talking so lightly of them now for my benefit, because he'd seen the tears in my eyes in that hospital room and he knew I didn't need scaring into submission anymore.

"Gonna get you home yeah sweetheart," he said again as we stepped out onto the street behind the hospital and began walking up the hill. He'd taken his phone out, calling Ollie as the rain hammered down on top of our heads and shoes. We weren't watching our feet because we both had our eyes on the street, spying for trouble, and so every time I stepped in a puddle it splashed up my ankles, the cold seeping into my sodden shoes. "Gonna get you home, nice and dry, safe an sound from this miserable fuckin... sorry little one, miserable bloody rain... look at you poppet, soaked to the bone..."

He was waiting on Ollie picking up and when I heard the ring cut out and his young assistant speak up I felt a smirk tug at my lips the way Alfie started barking commands at him before he'd really even had a chance to explain himself.

"How many fuckin times lad when I say get a fuckin shift on yeah I mean you bloody well hop to it yeah, you get in that fuckin motor right and then you go like shit off a shovel, you put your fuckin foot to the floor lad, only fuckin dogs should be able to hear you razzin it up Camden fuckin high road... What I mean yeah Ollie my lad, what I mean.. is you fuckin move boy! My girls getting fuckin soaked out here thanks to you and your little school girl crush on the fuckin traffic warden!"

As he launched into a tirade against the poor lad I watched the grey street, watched my periphery - what I could see of it. I was grateful for the sunglasses Alfie had placed over my eyes earlier that day, grateful that no one could see my suspicion as I scanned the street for any signs of danger.

Despite Alfie's hoodie pulled up over my hair I could feel the cold rain soaking through, my hair dripping onto my face. The weather was bad enough now that if someone had been lurking in the shadows, trying to follow us, then the rain and the wind were currently on their side. Working in their favour by distracting us, casting our heads defensively to the floor.

But when we made it to the top of the hill Alfie patted my lower back with his hand and guided me forward.

"Oh mercy, is that the work of the almighty I see before me?" He sighed dramatically, one arm an open gesture to the rest of the world as he presented the car to me. This time however his little performance didn't last long, Alfie seeming to feel urgently about getting me off the street.

"Right there we go my darlin, there we go treacle, you slip in the back there yeah, c'mon sweetheart let's get you out the rain yeah, get you home right, get you warm and dry..." He said it again, for perhaps the hundredth time. His voice softening, warming only for me as his hand rubbed my back and he helped me into the back of his car. He slid in beside me and settled me, reaching for my seatbelt and clicking it into place.

I sat still the whole time, watching him. A little unnerved by his gentle proximity. Trying not to let myself relax into it, trying not to bristle either because I couldn't quite tell yet which he wanted me to do. All I knew was my determination not to let him get the better of me however he went about trying to do so.

"I'm thinking of putting an ad in the local paper yeah Ollie..." He said as he tried to use the sleeves of his own hoodie to dry my hands and face. Every now and then he'd turn over his shoulder and direct his speech at the back of Ollie's head, but for the most part he remained focused on me, his eyes flickering over me as if to check for damage. "Now you tell me what you think of this right, see if I've got the wording quite right... Wanted: Getaway Driver, preferably brave enough to go over twenty miles per hour..."

He pushed my hood down carefully, tsking gently once again when he saw how my wet hair stuck to my pale face.

"Poor little Shelby..." He pouted at me, the light of a teasing smirk in his eyes as he pushed my wet hair off my face and smoothed in down. His palm lingering for a moment as he held my cheek almost affectionately.

"It's just a little rain Mr Solomons..." I said dryly, looking up at him with as little expression as I could. Truth be told however when I looked up I thought I saw a little genuine empathy in his eyes, a little slither of truthful warmth, and when he brushed his thumb over my cold cheek and shook his head, mumbling something about how I was chilled to the bone, I couldn't help but feel the tug in my chest. This longing to trust, a longing I knew I had to ignore.

I trusted him as one of my brother's allies of course, as the man who had been watching over me and my sister since we were just little girls. I wasn't however sure I could trust him not to betray me, not to hand me over to my brother and let me down at the first opportunity he got.

Because Alfie had double crossed my family in the past and I knew that whilst he was on good terms with Tommy he wouldn't risk a disturbance between them lightly. He wasn't about to sacrifice their relationship for a stubborn little girl.

"Don't worry sweetheart, won't be long... Ollie's gonna put his foot down this time ain't you my boy..." He said as he finally relaxed back into his own seat and began directing Ollie to take a slightly longer route than was necessary home. I would have been suspicious if it hadn't been so obvious. The fastest route would undoubtedly be littered with Italians lying in wait for our return journey. The streets Ollie was taking now were comparatively quiet and deeper into Solomons' territory.

"Don't worry little Shelby, when we get home I'll let you hose him down with icy water eh, see how he likes to be left shivering in the cold..."

I smirked slightly but I didn't say a word, turning to look out of the blacked out windows at the streets we were driving down.

"Spose you know these streets like the back of your hand don't you little one..." Said Alfie a little quieter, he'd leant in closer to me to watch over my shoulder and when I nodded my head I didn't need words to speak with him. "Yeah, thought so... You used to walk this way back to your little flat after your late night rehearsals didn't you... Reckon that's because you're a smart girl ain't it, knew your guardian angel - that's me by the way, not that I spose you really need reminding of that little Shelby - knew I'd always be watchin over you if you stuck to my roads yeah?" He asked and though the answer was of course yes, I didn't say anything.

Didn't say a word to him, didn't nod or smile. Kept my eyes fixed on the street, the front doors and shop fronts I'd passed a hundred times before, walking home from rehearsals so exhausted my bleary eyes were blurring the street lamps.

I relaxed a little however, felt my spine sink into itself as my shoulders dropped, felt my ribcage ease a little as for a moment his low voice caressed my ears. His gentle tone lulling me down from inside my head.

"Yeah," he nodded as he sat back, his arm relaxed along the back of the seats so that his fingers grazed my shoulder and he kept his protective hold around me. "Yeah, reckon you know that ain't gonna change either..."

I tried to still the shiver his reassurance sent through me, tried to disguise it as the cold when his fingertips left goosebumps on my skin. Just hoped he wasn't observing me to see.

"Yeah," he said again, his voice a dramatic sigh as he made a point of settling into his seat.

He returned his attention to Ollie then, letting me simmer quietly as he carried on, he was still laying into the lad but he was smiling now and I could tell he was only teasing him. Could tell he was much fonder of Ollie than he had been letting on. That there must have been a kind of mutual respect there, then again if Alfie thought Ollie was half as useless as he'd made him out to be earlier that day, he wouldn't have chosen him for a driver. Tommy only let his most trusted men drive him places, not that Tommy ever really liked to relinquish control in that way.

"How is your sister by the way Sylvie, last time I saw the little Sonya she was very upset indeed... Poor girl ain't quite mastered your brave face has she... You know I was terribly worried for her, really knows how to tug on the old heart strings don't she..."

"I'm glad you were there with her," I said, a tight knot in my stomach at the mention of my twin. It was for her that I had torn half way across the country for, and yet since I'd left I'd done my best not to think about her. About the sorry state she'd been in when I'd left her. How melancholic she had seemed, how fragile and withdrawn. There'd been something so desperate about her anguish, something else too, something deeper. Something quiet and sinister behind her eyes, something which made her feel very far away from me. And now, thinking about her whilst I sat beside Alfie in the back of that car, I felt even further away.

I'd come to London to protect her from my brothers and yet I'd left her alone with them.

"Well," said Alfie slowly, "it wasn't exactly a coincidence little dove," he said his eyes lit up with a quiet kind of amusement. "Ever present guardian angel watchin over you both like I do yeah, I heard about what went down with your cousin didn't I, and I knew where you both would be... Now you, I didn't need to worry about you because I knew you'd be working yourself to death in that studio you seem to love so much... But not your sister yeah? Nah, that girls had me tearin my hair out these last few months..."

I bit the inside of my cheek, resisted the urge to ask the question I wanted to ask. Had it been months?

I knew how Alfie worked, knew that he was feeding me information in drips to try and trip me up, to try and trick me into revealing something to him.

"Knew where she'd be didn't I... Knew who she'd be runnin away from too..."

I thought about that day again, how Sonya's voice had cracked as she'd broken into sobs down the phone. How I'd been able to picture her, the waif with the broken heart, her tears catching the light. Her hand over her mouth to catch her sobs. How alone she would have been had Alfie not taken his leisurely stroll down by the lock.

"Well," I said with a dry smile, "lucky Sonya..." I said.

"Well that's just it ain't it little dove, ain't luck at all... That was all me wasn't it, yours truly... Doin my due diligence..."

"It's okay Mr Solomons, I already believe you, you don't need to be convinced..." I said with a slightly sweeter tone. As gracious as I could manage, trying not to seem sarcastic, because I did believe him.

At least I believed that he'd known what my sister had been up to and I believed that he'd been heading to Freddie Sabinis flat that day, that if he hadn't have caught Sonya where he did he'd have shot the lock of the Italian's front door in search of her. I trusted that his loyalty to our brother meant he'd been thinking of her safety that day. That he was thinking of mine now.

And that meant that although his arm along the back of the seats was inviting, although his fingers brushing my shoulder had left me with one of those warm comforting shivers, I couldn't quite bring myself to give in. Couldn't relax or lean into him because I already knew who would be waiting for me when we got back. Already knew Alfie would hand me over without a fight.

And I was right.

I felt the feeling bristle all over me when the car turned onto that private road. Felt the desperate energy inside and out, like static sparking under my skin. As the gates to Alfie's driveway opened for usy heart began to beat erratically, the anxiety buzzing as I tried to control my breath and push it down.

The despair always seemed to grip me like that just before the snap.

And I felt the snap when the engine cut out. When Ollie put the handbrake on and got out of the car. I heard Alfie unclick his seatbelt, felt his arm move from behind my head, heard the slam of the car door when he left me there alone. I felt the feeling drain from my body, from my heart through my blood and then out through my fingertips. My hands numbing, my arms hollowing. The cold setting in. I felt the split between my body and my brain, felt myself split down the middle in a way that left me feeling as though I were floating. The ghost of myself following myself two steps behind my body of flesh and blood.

When the car door on my side opened I thought nothing of it, didn't really register it until Alfie was leaning over me to undo my seatbelt. He was being careful with me again, gentle as he talked quietly and made promises of a hot bath and warm clothes.

"One of the boys will get some logs in the burner alright poppet, get you a blanket and you can curl up cozy by the fire yeah? How does that sound sweetheart?"

I didn't say a word but I let him slip his arm behind my shoulders to guide me up and out of the car. Let him tuck me under his coat to walk me to the front door.

The heat from the house hit me the moment he walked me inside and stood me on the front door mat. He undid the buttons on my borrowed coat one by one and pushed it down off my shoulders carefully, watching me the whole time with the care of an artist, brush in hand.

He handed my coat to a young lad I didn't recognise, sent him on his way to give it to the housekeeper and have it dried. He shouted something down the hallway after him, but I wasn't listening. Instead I was listening to the house. Listening for signs of change. I was so certain that something had changed.

When Alfie ducked to take off my shoes I lifted one foot after the other obediently. Let him hold each of my little ankles in his big palms. Let him tickle my toes only fixing him with a bored, vacant expression. He only chuckled and placed my foot down then stood dramatically making a fuss about his "old aching bones".

But I couldn't smile along anymore, couldn't let him get away with his "crazy old man" act when I could sense a change in the house. A presence I couldn't ignore. And where was Isaiah? I couldn't say I missed him, or that I even wanted to see him, knowing that to look at him after the way he'd held me down the night before would only push on the already cold bruise. But I didn't like not seeing him either. Didn't like not knowing where he was in this, a temperamental at best ally's home.

"Alfie," said a young lad, the one Alfie had left Cyril with earlier that day. Alfie turned his head to look to him for a moment only to return his attention to me, his hands on my shoulders, brushing down the sleeves of my hoodie, he wore a little frown and I couldn't tell whether he was concerned for me or concerned because the lad in the doorway seemed to be.

"Well c'mon then Ben, enough of the pensive, brooding act yeah, I know she's a pretty girl but there's no need to stare..." He said so quietly, so dismissively that for a moment it was hard to tell if he was teasing the lad. From the blush and the cough that arose from Ben's throat I could only assume that either way he'd hit a nerve. Couldn't help but smirk at the struggling lad.

"Uh, there's a Mr Shelby here to see you..."

"Oh yeah?" Asked Alfie, raising his brow at me, one of those faux impressed smirks trying to light me up. "Which one?"

"Uh... Well there's two of em Alfie.. in the lounge?" His voice went up at the end I wondered just how nervous he was. "They wanted to see the other peaky lad, thought it was best to let them... Since you're being 'ospitable an all..." He trailed off, he looked like he thought he'd fucked up massively and I couldn't help but wonder just who he was scared of. My brother's or his boss.

"Oh well, I hope they took their shoes off..." Said Alfie before he let out a sigh, put his arm around me and whistled for Cyril. "I suppose little Shelby, we'd better go see what your no good big brothers want eh?"

But I couldn't smile or roll my eyes with him, because I knew. And I knew Alfie was going to give them exactly what they'd asked for.

He was being nice now to lure me in, to stop me from running away before he could hand me over.

"Now," he said, lowering his voice to speak quietly in my ear, "I know you're a bit of a flight risk poppet, so I'd like to remind you yeah, what you promised me this morning right... You be good for me now poppet..." He said, a warning tone to his speech as he squeezed me in close to his side before letting me go.

I had expected him to hold onto me somehow, to keep a grip on me so that I couldn't run away. Instead he patted me on the back and then opened the sitting room door. He stepped in first and let me hang back, let me wait just outside the doorway though I wasn't sure what I was waiting for. Better surely to get it all over with as soon as possible.

But he'd been so warm to me, so unexpectedly nurturing, that the thought of his imminent betrayal felt like a crashing disappointment. A bruise I needed to breathe through.

"Alright boys," he said as he left me out in the hallway.

I heard someone get up, their sudden movement so sharp it could only have been Arthur.

"Where the fuck is she?" He demanded, his voice gruff and sleepless. I could hear the strain on him, could imagine his eyes betraying his emotions as they so often did. So like Sonya.

"Thomas tell your brother to sit down, there ain't no reason for that kind of hostility on a Sunday afternoon..." Said Alfie. He kept his own voice level and calm and I knew that my other brother would be looking up at him placid and unimpressed. It made me want to walk in there myself and give them all something to cry about. Something to get really upset over.

"Arthur," sighed Tommy, "I'm sure our little sisters fine, you don't have bad news for us do you Alfie? Not an old, trusted, family friend like you..."

"Nah," said Alfie, "nah, no of course not... Love those girls like they were me very own don't I, the little lambs..."

"Yeah well I've seen how you treat your little lambs..." Grumbled Arthur, his comment leaving me to choke on a laugh which bubbled up more from shock and embarrassment than amusement.

"Oh!" Scoffed Alfie, "well that's very nice ain't it... I welcome you into my home yeah... Cause I reckon that's what this is yeah, you've been welcomed into my home haven't you.... Sittin nice an comfortably in my lounge on my sofa..."

"Fuckin 'ell Arthur," sighed Tommy, his exasperation leaving a smirk on my lips as I watched him run his hands over his face. He already looked so tired of both of them. "You did try to kill him Alfie..." He started before deciding against trying to reason anymore with either of them, "but... Like Arthur said, we are here to see our little sister, so perhaps it is best if we leave the past in the past..."

Arthur grumbled, a begrudged agreement. Alfie however did not.

"Ain't exactly how I'd speak to an old, trusted, family friend," he said, "see I refrain from callin you a pair of Gypsy bastards and referring to oh I don't know, the longstanding history of noncery in the Catholic church... I mean fuckin hell the cheek of it... Arthur... Ever likely your little sisters got no respect for authority, what kind of example are you eh?"

"You shut your your fookin mouth!"

"Arthur for fuck sake brother, sit down..."

"Nah Tommy, nah dint you hear him, ain't gonna let him run his mouth off 'bout my fookin family like that!"

"Calm down brother..." I said as I walked in, hands behind my back, a dry smirk on my lips because I knew Alfie had hoped I would stay out of sight a little longer. Smirking because I knew Tommy would struggle to keep his jaw set in stone, would struggle not to lose his temper when he saw me. "Mr Solomons has been taking excellent care of me as you can see..." I said, standing with my hands behind my back in the center of the room. A dark wood coffee table all that stood between me and my big brothers.

Arthur's jaw hung open, stunned more likely by my insolent tone than my presence alive and well in the room. Tommy sat still, one eyebrow raised slightly, his eyes cold, he wasn't looking at me, only through me. I hadn't exactly expected any less. And Isaiah was there too, sullen, shadowy, leaning against the wall by the window. He had been turned away from the rest of the room but at the sound of my voice he had adjusted himself slightly and now he too was watching me from under the rim of his cap. Trying not to get caught watching me, and yet too much in a sulk to bother hiding the direction of his glower.

Alfie was watching me too, his eyes dark, a small frown on his brow as he let his gaze flicker over me up and down. Scanning me head to toe and then meeting my gaze. I couldn't tell if the darkness in his eyes was a warning or something else but I did my best to hold his gaze, unwavering.

"Come here little sister, let me look at you..." Started Arthur snatching for me so quickly I didn't get a chance to step back. I turned over his shoulder to point his finger accusingly at Alfie, the threats rolling off his tongue so easily, "I swear to god if you've fuckin touched her!"

"Well of course I've touched her..." Started Alfie with a chuckle, a mischievous twinkle in his eye when he saw Arthur's cheeks flush.

"Ignore him Arthur, Alfie's just trying to wind you up ain't you Alfie..." Sighed Tommy, his confirmation of Alfie's teasing only deepening my eldest brother's scorn. I could see his cheeks flush a darker shade, could see the tension in his jaw as he tried to swallow his confusion, his humiliation too.

"Don't you get fuckin clever with me, you don't fuckin joke about that..."

"Temper temper Arthur..." I said quietly, my eyes meeting his with an impish little smile of my own, one which glinted in my eyes and seemed to bring him a little closer to control. Seemed to settle him just slightly. Perhaps I looked the same clever way I had when I was just a little girl, smiling quietly at him to get away with murder.

"Who the fuck did this?" He asked, the calm only lasting for moment because he had pushed up my sleeve just far enough to catch a glimpse of the purple bruise which climbed my wrist, left by one of their own earlier that morning.

My eyes shot to Isaiah, locked with his in a silent battle as Arthur held my arm up to the room, presenting the injury in the hopes he might have an excuse to knock Alfie's teeth out. Isaiah's eyes were dark, not quite brooding but certainly shaded with an anger that was palpable. A resentment for me and the hell I'd forced him through. I knew that in looking across the room to me in that moment he was looking into a mirror. That all he'd see in my eyes was resentment for him too.

"It's a dance injury Arthur for fuck sake..." I rolled my eyes, yanked my arm down from his grip and folded them both across my chest.

"Is it fook..."

I held Isaiah's sulking glare for a moment longer, saw the guilt simmer in his eyes and let it wash over me. That numb feeling had its grip on me now and so looking at Isaiah I felt nothing.

I looked past him, turned my attention to Tommy. Challenging him quietly and then out loud. Wanting him to know I wasn't going to bend and break to his will. I hadn't back in Birmingham and I certainly wouldn't now when I was almost on home turf and in snatching distance of everything I wanted.

"This what it takes to get a family visit these days Tommy?" I asked, watching as Tommy's expression remained still and unchanged.

He was sitting back in the sofa, arm relaxed along the back, one leg crossed over the other. He was looking up at me with that still water expression which had always bothered other people. It was the quietly arrogant face which had seen him charm and piss off so many people all at once. Beneath those cool blue eyes, his thin - faux patient - smile, I knew his rage bubbled beneath the surface. I knew that still way he was sitting, as if cut from a soft stone, masked the desire to throttle me which he was doing well to swallow down.

I stood still and let Arthur inspect me, he held my chin in his hand and tilted my head back, though I wasn't entirely sure what he was expecting to see.

Tommy was watching him too, he sat forward in his seat, his wrist resting on his knee. He had a cigarette balanced between his fingers but it remained unlit as he followed Arthur's movements silently.

When he opened his mouth to speak however I cut him off.

"Forget it Tommy, don't waste your breath on another one of your Sargent Major speeches, I'm not one of your soldiers and I'm not coming home."

I spoke quickly and steadily, the knife edge of my voice a little sharper than even I had expected.

"Arthur I'm fine..." I said a little quieter, shrugging him off and stepping back a little. Not realising until he spoke that I had gravitated towards Alfie. He wore a smug little smirk on his lips as he rested his hand on my shoulder for a moment before grinning across the room at his old, trusted friend.

"She's certainly self assured like a Shelby ain't she... Takes after you I reckon Tommy, that's her problem... Thrives off disobedience and reckless decisions. Can tell she's one of your lot a mile off..."

But Tommy didn't bother gracing Alfie with a response. His eyes were fixed firmly on me.

"See I didn't come here with any Sergeant Major speech for you Sylvia," he started, his voice low and calm, his words so thoughtfully spaced. So very Thomas Shelby. "I haven't come here to convince you to come home girl, I've come here as family right, to remind you what that word means... Any ideas Sylvia? Family?”

And of course I knew the answer, Tommy's favourite fucking phrase. His little signature, the line he liked to pull out whenever one of us was putting up a fight, whenever one of us dared assert our own opinion instead of obediently towing the party line.

"Unrequited Love, Mutual fuckin Respect, let me guess you've got bags of both in the back of the car?" I forced a sweet smile, narrowed my eyes at him to give him a warning of my own. One that told him I'd bite if he came too close.

"So you haven't forgotten then.." he said simply, ignoring any sign of irony from me, "so tell me then Sylvia, what you think happens next yeah? You've had your fun haven't you, turned your hand at manipulation, joyriding... Mans lying on his back in a fuckin morgue because of you..."

"Oh please Tommy how many innocent men have you sent to an early grave... How many years did you spend in the army? They couldn't dig the graves quick enough..." I said, watching Arthur's expression grow troubled, the guilt tended to eat him alive a little quicker than Tommy's. Still Tommys was there, made all the more apparent by the way he raised his hand and his voice to silence me.

"Enough Sylvia, I'm talking now right, it's my turn to talk and I am talking, so you listen to me now yeah little sister, cause you have caused quite enough trouble for me now and I've had enough..." he said, his words hanging crystal clear in the air, his eyes locked with mine as he dared me to speak over him again.

"Now Isaiah here has been very enlightening to say the least, told us all about that frankly ridiculous little stunt you pulled to force his hand, seems I underestimated you before didn't I... wasn't giving you enough credit, cause it turns out youre twice as bloody stupid, and twice as fuckin selfish as I thought yeah, you might have made it all the way down here right, might be feeling pretty fuckin clever right now, but you ain't clever little sister..." He fixed me with his eyes, starring me down with no mercy, no nothing in his cold eyes, and I gazed back just the same. Not vacant, focussed, but feeling nothing. Two numb little husks facing each other down, one so much better at navigating the hollow than the other.

"Now Alfie here's been very hospitable babysitting whilst you endanger not only yourself but one of your closest friends - Isaiahs family too ain't he girl - and whilst me and Arthur have been wasting our time chasing you down the M6, your sisters, your little nieces and nephews have been home missing you, fuckin scared to death of losing you right, with less men guarding their home, putting them in unnecessary danger yeah... All because of you..." As he spoke his tone darkened, his eyes mirroring mine. That empty sheen. That determination so cut throat his quiet words alone could have drawn blood. The three of us listened quietly, Arthur frozen beside me, Alfie watching the scene as though he were watching two men in a shootout.

"And if anything had happened to them whilst we were out looking for you, there'd have been so fuckin forgiveness for you right... you'd have carried that shame for the rest of your life little sister, cause I wouldn't have let you forget it..."

I simply stood, quietly, arms folded across my chest insolent as could be. I was trying to let each word wash over me and the more cruel he got, the more he turned his words on me, the easier it became to split from myself and let him talk only to himself and the rest of the room. Not to me.

"So I haven't come to convince you love, I'll put a gun to your head myself and walk you out to that fuckin car if you disobey me again, cause I've had enough of you..."

"Right!" Snapped Alfie, raising his voice dramatically over Tommy. Pushing himself up from the chair he'd sat down in only minutes before. "I've had enough of this yeah, all this fuckin cursin an swearing in my fuckin lounge, and in front of a young lady an all right, you northern monkeys yeah, might think that "fuck" and fuckin commas and semi fuckin colons are interchangeable fuckin pieces of punctuation yeah but under my roof, in my fuckin house, we use our fuckin manners right...so the next cunt to utter another profanity yeah, is gonna get my cane shoved so far down their fuckin throat they'll be getting a free fuckin colonoscopy..."

And for a moment that outburst silenced the room. Arthur and Tommy stood blinking, me unchanged, watching my brothers watching him as he glared at Tommy.

"Alright Alfie, think we can spare everyone the theatrics eh?" Said Tommy with a small smirk, "Sylvie?" He turned to me, nodding expectantly for me to cross the room to him. The way he stood there, one hand slipping into his pocket to check the time on his phone. Barely even looking at me when he demanded that I come with them. "Long drive back to Birmingham girl and you've already wasted enough of my time..."

"Nah, nah hang on a minute Tommy yeah, cause I wasn't actually finished yeah, had a bit more to say to you right, cause from where I'm standing yeah, an I've got a pretty good view of the situation from over here haven't I, close enough right, to see the finer details yeah? And from where I'm standing right now this all looks a little bit fuckin ridiculous yeah, and in many ways just down right bloody rude..." He said approaching me, one of his strides and he was by my side, his hands clamping down on my shoulders.

"Ridiculous eh?" Mused Tommy, his eyes flickering between me and his old friend.

"Yeah," said Alfie, pausing as if to think about it for a moment before nodding his head, patting his hand down on my shoulder as if to confirm it. "Yeah, I reckon it does all look a bit ridiculous," he said, "cause you see your little sister and I right, we just got caught in a rainstorm of biblical proportions right, surprised you didn't notice it yeah, Old Testament shit it was, surprised we didn't see fuckin Noah floatin past us on his ark yeah..."

Arthur was pacing now, unable to keep his nervous energy down, unable to handle anymore of Alfie's meandering and stalling. His hands were clenched, one in his pocket, the other in a fist which he kept biting intermittently. Pausing, opening his mouth to say something and then changing his mind.

Tommy on the other hand was simply standing, watching and waiting for his friend to finish, quite used to the tall tales Alfie liked to spin when he was trying to get under someone's skin.

"Anyway, I know you boys are in a rush yeah, know you ain't all that patient in your old age Tommy," he flashed his friend a grin but didn't see one returned, "so I'll get to my point yeah? And my point, yeah, is this... Your little sister whom you claim to care about very much right, whose welfare is allegedly of the utmost importance to you... Has been stood here now for 15 minutes yeah, shiverin and drippin dirty rainwater puddles on my rug because she's soaked to the bloody bone yeah? It's ridiculous!"

"Just a bit of rain Alfie..." Started Tommy but Alfie cut him off, apparently impassioned over my welfare.

"Look at her!" He said raising his voice a little so that it cracked, high pitched and indignant, "she's fuckin blue! Look at her cheeks yeah?" He said pinching my cheek to emphasize his point, "no colour to em what so ever... She'll be hyper-fuckin-thermic before you get her home..."

"Right..." Said Tommy, his eyes flickering over me disinterested, returning not to Alfie but to Arthur, nodding to him with a silent instruction.

Arthur looked between us and then shrugged his own jacket off, coming to drape it around my shoulders but I stepped back before he could manage it and when I did I found myself backing into Alfie hold on me. For a moment I felt a little flare of panic. Felt defeated. Realised that I'd allowed one of them to get a grip on me and that between the three of them there was no way I'd be able to escape that sitting room. Before my despair could swallow me whole however Alfie spoke again.

"Nah," he said shaking his head slowly, stroking his chin as if deep in thought, as if seriously considering the options, and this time the quiet he allowed to linger really did get under my skin, because I wasn't sure anymore exactly what he was thinking. I had been so certain he would hand me over but all I'd seen so far were his avoidance tactics and I couldn't really understand why.

So I tried to stare Tommy down with the same dead eyes he had turned on me. Tried to glare, tried to pretend I had the confidence of a girl in the loop.

"Nah, she ain't goin nowhere until she's fuckin warm and dry and rosy cheeked..." he said one hand still gripping my shoulder, the other patting my cheek as he challenged my brother. "So I'm gonna tell you what we're gonna do yeah, because if there's one thing I ain't havin right, it's this young lady leavin here soaked to the bloody bone as blue lipped as my Aunt Mildred... Who is fuckin Dead yeah... has been for years..." His voice cracked again and I couldn't help the smirk on my lips, knew I wasn't helping my cause when Tommy caught sight of my smile and clenched his jaw. Still he didn't say a word because Alfie was still talking and he wouldn't have been able to stop him now.

"Cause I've got a reputation to uphold yeah, ain't havin no one sayin I don't look after my guests right? And between her and the khamer you sent chasin her tails - fuckin shit job he's doin an all if you ask me..." He said gesturing vaguely to Isaiah who was still standing by the window, wordless and grave faced, addressing him for the first time since we'd arrived home. "Between the little Shelby and the little lap dog right, I've invested heart and soul into ensuring their unwavering comfort right... Ain't havin you two fuckin heathens comin in here, burnin all that to the ground in under half an hour right? I don't give a fuck how busy you are with your plotting and your scheming Thomas, some of us yeah, take pride in our work, and it was you, wasn't it, yeah, who put the little girl in my dutiful care, do that's what I'm gonna be alright? Dutiful. So you're gonna let the girl take a nice hot bath yeah, warm her delicate little bones through, get a bit of colour back in her little cheeks... I'm gonna make up a beautiful little spread in the dining room, and I'm gonna find her some nice dry clothes yeah, and I'm gonna see that she's fed and fuckin well rested and then, if and only If I believe she's in fit state to travel, will I consider handing her back over to you Thomas... Cause I ain't been sending good hard workin Jewish lads out every night to keep her safe, just for you to let her freeze to death in the back of your fuckin car alright Tommy..." He said it like it should have been as question but we all knew it wasn't and whilst his words had not quite yet sunk in for me, my brother looked worn down. Defeated at least for now.

"Alright," said Tommy with a sigh, running his hand over his face before shaking his head. "Fuckin 'ell alright Alfie," he said his grin one of despair, one of a despair he'd been expecting all along. Because after all this was the least he could have expected from a visit to Alfie's. He snapped his fingers at Isaiah, nodding for Arthur too. "Know the hospitable hand ain't extended to many by you Alf," he said, his voice dulled by the day, "so I'll indulge you I suppose, Isaiah, you can take Sylvia upstairs now right, Sylvia I've instructed Isaiah that next time you put a gun to your head, he should save us all the trouble and let you fuckin shoot..."

"For fuck sake Tommy!" Snapped Arthur, surprising us all, the emotion a little ragged in his voice as he looked back at his little brother in disbelief. Isaiah was dead behind the eyes, defeated. Alfie looked grave faced, holding his tongue for once.

I just smirked.

Tommy fixed me with a glare then. One which lingered. This fixed, cold stare, his eyes dark and willing me, silently threatening me. Letting me know that he meant what he had said about putting a gun to my head if he had to. That he meant what he had said about letting me shoot, that it would make life easier for all of them, give him one less thing to worry about.

Behind me Alfie shook his head.

"Now that," said Alfie, tutting as he shook his head, his hand rubbing my shoulder as if to comfort me, though Tommy's words had rolled of me, water off a duck, "that was fuckin shameful Thomas, go on Sylvie, Ruth is upstairs somewhere, she'll find you some towels and you know... Bath stuff..." He pushed me forward a step, let his palm rest in my hair for a moment before sending me on my way. "An you..." He turned to Isaiah, "just cause masters returned right, don't mean you ain't still a guest in my house yeah... So you follow my fuckin rules alright... Be fuckin respectful."

Isaiah didn't say a word, he met Tommy's gaze across the room before he put his arm around my shoulders and walked me out of the room. I heard the door close behind us, heard the beginnings of another Solomons speech, and then I shrugged away from the lad who had, as far as I was concerned, betrayed me.

"Ain't no use sulkin with me Sylvie..." He started as if he thought he could force a reconciliation now when he had cut the divide between us sharper and deeper than it had been even this morning.

I didn't grace him with a single word, didn't even look back over my shoulder at him when I cut up the stairs in search of Ruth. She was one of the only women who really worked in Alfie's house and for the most part she worked quietly behind the scenes. I hadn't seen much of her but I knew it was Ruth who had made up my bed, and Ruth who had cooked the breakfast I had tricked Isaiah into finishing for me.

I knew she was kind and warm and that Alfie didn't chide her the way he did the other staff he kept close. That she was the only person employed for non-security related purposes. In other words, he liked having her around.

She was waiting for me at the top of the stairs and when I raised my brow she only offered me a warm smile in return.

"Oh look at you darlin', you're soaked through, come on, you come with me..." She said, her hand stroking my cheek as she shook her head and gestured for me to follow her. "Spose he's got to come too has he?" She asked, rolling her eyes conspiratorially at me.

"Under orders..." He started, almost defensively, earning himself another eye roll from Ruth as she chuckled and shook her head.

"Calm down boy," she smiled at him, "I ain't no snitch..."

"Oh he's not worried about that, Saiah tells on himself all the time..." I said turning to glare at him, leave him in no doubt that I hadn't and wouldn't forgive him for choosing Tommy over me.

Alfie

I watched her as she drifted away from me and out of the room, the idiot guard dog her brother foolishly believed in following her dutifully. He had her tucked away under his arm, as if he thought she was stupid enough to make a run from him, as if he thought he could stop her running if she tried.

I hated him for laying a finger on her and I wasn't bothering to hide that fact from either of her brothers.

"Appreciate your hospitality Alfie but it really isn't necessary..." Started Tommy, his thick skulled brother on the brink of a tantrum beside him.

"Tommy my old mate," I cut him off, threw my arm around him to walk him further from Arthur's side, to talk to him a little quieter, a little more like an old friend. "I know you ain't stupid right, know you're a highly intelligent man yeah... And I don't want you to take this the wrong way yeah, cause I trust you don't I, trust your judgement 99% of the time yeah..."

"Spit it out Alfie c'mon,"

"So forgive me for asking this yeah, but I don't think you've picked a very good guard dog mate..."

"Theres a question there is there?" Smirked Tommy, hands in his pockets as he nodded along. "Isaiah's a good lad..."

"Still a lad though ain't he..." I mused, knowing I needn't say anymore for Tommy to catch my meaning.

"C'mon Alfie, if you're going to question my judgement you could at least show me the courtesy of putting it bluntly..."

"Well Tommy," I sneered, "I was trying to be polite yeah, but if blunts what you want then I spose I'll put it this way yeah... That boy yeah, would lose the Eiffel fuckin Tower right... He couldn't keep tabs on that girl if you fuckin chained her to him and... And quite frankly Tommy my old and dearest mate, quite frankly I reckon he's more interested fuckin that girl than he is doing his fuckin duty to you yeah... And I think, right, that that might be interfering with his ability to perform."

"Thats it is it?" Asked Tommy, his brow raised slightly. He looked back at me with calm eyes, still grey ocean that they always were no matter his mood, and I knew he hadn't really taken anything I had said in. That his answer to me now would be the same as he had planned to give me ten minutes ago.

"Yeah," I nodded after a moments though, I stroked my stubble thoughtfully, furrowed my brow as I ran through my list of complaints and then I shook my head, "well no actually, no it ain't there's more really but those are you know first and foremost my main concerns... Fact that I personally don't like the cut of his jibb yeah, think he's an insolent little prick lacking the braincells even to recognise himself in the mirror, my own personal dislike for the little shit yeah, that of course don't come into this... My concerns are first and foremost you know, for little Sylvia... That I'm sure we can agree on yeah Tommy..."

"Right," he nodded, "well then Alfie, my old friend," he said those words like they were a weapon, weilded them just the same as me.

"You can't have her back Tommy," I cut him off, knowing that he was going to defend Isaiah, was going to shake off my concerns and tell me not to be ridiculous. "Cause she's an adult yeah and she's got capacity right and capacity means legally yeah, legally you can't make her do anything she don't want to yeah, and if you come good on your little promise yeah, put a gun to her head or whatever else fucked up thing you do to try and bend her to your will yeah, you do that, then it's a kidnapping, and you yeah Tommy, will be just as evil to her as any fuckin Italian cunt... And I know her don't I, reckon I've seen enough of her over the years right, to know that if you kidnap her yeah, your little baby sister yeah, if you kidnap your own flesh and blood well fuck me Tommy I reckon she'll make you rue the day you were born..."

"Anything she'd threatened to do Alfie is just that, a childish fuckin threat... I know you know her well yeah, think you do anyway but you don't. That girls a fuckin Shelby right, she's my flesh and blood and flesh and blood yeah is what counts here..."

"Nah mate," I said shaking my head, "I think this is one of those situations you know, I reckon you yeah, you're standing dead in the center of the forest right now yeah, and I reckon I'm standing on a hill fuckin miles away admiring the view... Cause when I look in that girls eyes yeah, you know who looks straight back at me? It's uncanny Tommy... That girls got a little shard of you in her yeah, and it's jet black and ice cold and it's lodged so deep in her heart it ain't never coming loose... And god forbid the trouble she'll cause if it does yeah..."

"No Alfie," he shook his head calmly, turning his cigarette between his fingers, "no you're mistaken, those girls are nothin like me..."

"Yeah Tommy," I said with a smirk, "yeah I reckon I'm right... You can't see the wood for the trees yeah, and I, I can see fuckin everything yeah, cause I always can..."

Later, sitting in the kitchen, watching Arthur holding a tea cup in his shaking hand, I couldn't help but smirk to myself. See I knew that whilst the girl was in my house, under my care, Tommy couldn't simply storm through taking and leaving whatever he pleased. I had a little more control over this than he did. And whilst I was certain that it was in fact myself who knew the girl better, knew what was best for her, I wasn't going to give up that control so easily.

"You want her to stay here?" Asked Tommy again, he was sitting at my kitchen table, an unlit cigarette between his fingers. It amused me, how he sat there, calm as the black water in a loch, gazing back at me with eyes that really were just like hers. Half dead. It amused me that he could speak as she did, that he could have a whole conversation in which he could lose his temper and threaten her for being as infuriating as she was, and still miss it. The twinkle of Shelby in her eyes.

Because to me it was as plain and clear as daylight. Everything in her that scared me - because I hadn't really been exaggerating when I'd told Tommy that she scared me - was everything I'd seen so many times before in him.

He could sit there and tell me it was their mother in them until he was blue in the face, but those twins had always had their siblings tempers, that strange disconnect that made them ethereal, otherworldly.

Looking at Sonya you'd think she was the melancholy ghost from a Brontë novel. Looking at Sylvia you'd think she was the unseen evil in something written by Edgar Allen Poe. If Sonya was Kathys howling across the moors, Sylvia was the still beating heart telling on herself beneath the floorboards.

Both of them had that madness inside them, the only reason Tommy couldn't see it was that he had it in him too.

So did Arthur, in his shaking hands and his grinding jaw. In his nerves disguised as anger.

"Yes," I said, leaning against the kitchen counter where the girl in question had sat the day before. "Yeah as a matter of fact I do, and that I suppose Tommy, is what all this really comes down to..."

"Why?" He asked it so plainly that for a moment I was confused.

"Why?" I asked, a thoughtful kind of pout on my lips as I raised my glass to my lips.

"Yeah, why... Cause we're old mates Alfie but you don't do favours and you certainly aren't known for opening your home to the needy, or in fact to anyone... You're the grudge of Camden Town, an old eccentric who serves himself... You're not exactly a known philanthropist...volunteering to do the fuckin school run for my little sister and putting yourself in harms way... I mean no offence my friend but you have to admit, it doesn't really sound like you..."

"Right well that's not strictly true is it Tommy, I've helped loads of people in my time... Just like you though ain't I, I look after me own..."

"And my little sister is my little sister Alfie, hardly counts as kith and kin to you..."

"Yeah well, maybe I've been visited by three spirits in the night... Maybe they convinced me to change my stingy ways, broaden my horizons... Widen my inner circle..."

"Fuckin how much have them Italian cunts offered you you twisted fuckin..." Snapped Arthur, his face flushing a dark shade of purple as he threw his tea cup at me and it smashed against the cupboard behind my head.

"Butter fingers," I tsked him, shooing Ruth away when she came rushing to clear up the mess, "never mind about that love," I said to her taking her tea towel from her, "I'm sure Arthur don't mind seein to that yeah... He's a fully grown man ain't he, can clean up his own mess yeah cause this ain't 1956 right..."

"I mean it you double crossing cunt, what bargain have you made in exchange for her?"

"Tommy, mate... Really?" I asked exaggerating the wince which crossed my face as I nodded to Arthur, "thought you were meant to be sortin this out Tom... See this just ain't effective is it?"

"Sit down Arthur," said Tommy through gritted teeth. Between the two of us we were wearing his patience.

"I resent that an all actually," I started, sucking in my cheek as I pushed away from the counter I had been leaning on. Paced to the doorway where Ollie was standing by. "Ollie my boy," I said clapping him on the shoulder, "where is Miss Gray now?" I asked, "be a dear would you and go with our beloved Ruth, to check on her..."

"Oh no," said Ruth, blushing slightly when she realised she had spoken out of turn, "oh I'm sorry Alfie sir, it's just the little lamb, well she's sleeping... Poor thing looked exhausted and well..."

"Isaiah's with her I presume?" Asked Tommy raising his brow at the woman who stood scrunching a tea towel at her chest. She looked back at him wide eyed, intimidated, swallowing a lump in her throat when she turned to me.

"If he's as good a lad as you seem to think he is Tommy..." I started, watching him tap that pristine cigarette a little more impatiently.

"He is," said Ruth, "sittin in with her, watchin..."

"There," I said opening my arms to the room, "your khamer can follow orders after all...what a relief that is!" And then I turned back to Arthur, he was gripping the edge of the table, his knuckles white, the colour slowly fading from his cheeks as he tried his best to regain control of his temper. "Now I'll be honest with you lads, cause you Tommy are an old friend and because when we're with friends we tell the truth yeah... I will give you the truth now, what I am feelin right now, about your little sister who is asleep upstairs, safe and sound yeah..."

I stepped up to the end of the table, took Tommys cigarette from between his fingers and crumpled it slowly against the wood. It snapped in two, little shreds of tobacco spilling out. When I blew the three of us watched them all swept up and away.

"See that yeah... That was a demonstration yeah.." I began, looking first to Arthur and then to Tommy. "That right, is what I reckons in store for your little sister... Because she is very small right, and very breakable... And because there is a lot of pressure yeah, weighing down on top of her pretty little head..."

"This a threat?" Growled Arthur, but I only held my finger up to silence him. A pointed look from Tommy was all it took to reign him in.

"Now me and you Tommy we've been here before haven't we... In one of these situations right where You are coming to Me, and you've got all these little requests ain't you, all these little things you need from me... And you've not really got a lot to bargain with... Like right now for instance, I've got your little sister and you want her back, but you ain't got nothin you can offer me... Have you? And I don't really want or need nothin from you, cause I'm doin alright for myself right now where I am and how things are going for me... There ain't actually much you can offer me... And usually yeah, in these situations I might make you an offer right, one you don't really like, just to remind you of your very fragile, inconsistent position yeah... And that offer might come in the form of I don't know, let's say... a deal or death... Oh yeah that's it Tommy you roll your eyes yeah, that is after all what you usually do ain't it, you sit there blinkin back all unphased, rising above the theatrics yeah... Well maybe that yeah, your inability to think outside the box, maybe that's why you can't understand your little sisters behaviour yeah, why you can't get inside her head... Cause she's a little more like me yeah, she's got that dramatic flare..."

Tommy did roll his eyes. He chewed his cheek, he gave Arthur another warning look. I glanced at the clock on the wall behind us.

"Flare?"

"Look what I am saying to you yeah Tommy, is that by some ridiculous yeah, but not exactly entirely inconceivable little twist of fate right, you have inadvertently walked yourself into a deal or death situation yeah? Because that girl right, your little nuclear fuckin weapon of a little sister yeah, wants to stay here with me in London so that she can dance in that fuckin ballet every night like she has wanted to yeah, like she has wanted to since she was a little girl, and unlike you yeah, I can see that she wants that badly enough right, to offer you and any other cunt who even considers getting in her way, an ultimatum... I ain't gonna pull a gun on you yeah Tommy, cause well for a start we are old mates and that just ain't exactly friendly behaviour... And because also yeah, also, I reckon in a way right, if you force her hand right... She'll pull that fuckin trigger herself..."

"She knows that threat won't work a second time..."

"Ain't a threat though is it..."

"Isn't it?"

"Look, Tommy... That girl yeah... Is fuckin insane... Sometimes yeah, the light hits her eyes and gets lost right... There ain't nothin there to light up... Like little Sylvia's gone poof..." I spoke with my hands mining along the action, my fingers wriggling in front of his eyes, "just fuckin gone yeah, fuckin disappeared... Left her body behind to get along all by itself... She is fully fuckin certifiable yeah... Padded cells wouldn't hold her... She's fuckin wednesday Adams yeah... She'd have a right good giggle if only they'd hook her up to an electric chair..."

Tommy blinked back at me, he nodded his head as if he were taking it all in but I could see that he wasn't really. That he'd done as Sylvia had to him earlier. Started to split from himself.

So I let out a sigh. Let us rest in silence for a moment.

"Look Tommy mate," I said pulling out a chair, sitting down with them, "Arthur..." I addressed the other brother as sincerely as I could, tried for a moment to drop my own airs to make them my real offer. "Just fuckin, I don't know... Stay here tonight yeah, take your fuckin time with her yeah, try to observe her yeah, see what I'm seeing... And then tomorrow right, I reckon you'll understand things from my perspective, reckon you'll see right that there is no fucking point..."

Tommy let out a sigh. He looked from Arthur to the ceiling. Reached into his pocket to take out another cigarette and held it up in a departing gesture.

"I'm gonna smoke this," he said before leaving for the door.

The two of us, his seething older brother and I, simply let him go.

And when he was gone, Arthur did exactly as I predicted. Probably betraying whatever deal him and Tommy would have made to remain emotionless and pragmatic.

"You think she's like Tommy?" He asked me, "like, fookin cold and y'know, not quite all there?" He looked at me, this grimace on his face that he could barely hold together, I almost felt bad for him.

"Yeah mate," I said softly patting the top of his hand gently, "yeah I'm afraid I do..."

I stood then, knowing that if I left them both to it now they would come to the only viable conclusion they had. To stay the night, sleep on it. Let Sylvia rest.

And then in the morning she would remain stubborn and they would have no choice but to leave her behind. Leave her with me. Where I was growing all the more certain she needed to be.

"See Tommy mate, you and me yeah," I said a little later when the two of us were standing in her room, looking down on her delicate sleeping features, "you and me we're violent men yeah, ain't many good bones in our bodies is there? But this situation what we are in now right, is delicate I reckon, requires a little, how should I put it... Otis Reading, a little you know, tenderness..."

"And that's you is it?"

"Well..." I said with a smirk, "it certainly ain't that khamer you left in charge of her is it..."

Tommy smirked and shook his head. Behind us Isaiah sat in the armchair by the door, trying to pretend he wasn't watching us. Trying to pretend he wasn't listening in.

"If anything happens to her Alfie..." Started Tommy, the first cracks in his resolve lighting me up though I did my best to hide my smile and remain solemn, all hands in my pockets as I gazed down at the little lamb lying fast asleep before us.

"You have my word Tommy."

And I meant it.

"Heard that from you before Alfie..."

I knew what he was trying to say, that over the years we'd both turned our back to our word, sold eachother down the river for better offers. That was the nature of men like us. And I could turn my back on him easily because I knew that he could be just as easily swayed against me. It wasn't really him I was promising my loyalty too this time however. It was her.

And that girl had touched my heart, not that I would admit that out loud to anyone.

No, for Tommy all I would say was simply, "how long have I been keepin an eye on things at this end?"

"Eleven years."

"And how many times in these last eleven years have me and you you know..."

"A few times aye," nodded Tommy.

Our eyes were fixed solemnly on little Sylvia as we spoke, the two of us shoulder to shoulder as we watched her sleeping peacefully. Her pink lips pressed together in a thin tranquil line.

"And has anything ever happened to her? Even when you an me yeah haven't exactly been on good terms?"

"I have other friends in London Alfie..."

"Yeah," I idled the word out, "they didn't have to work very hard though did they..." And he couldn't deny the truth of it. That even when I'd been chipping away at our trust and he'd been making moves against me, his little sisters had remained safe. Unscathed. Untouched. Because I was telling him the truth. I might not have had any personal reasons to care for those twins but I did care for them. I'd seen them dancing on their stage - because when they were dancing it was Their Stage - and in more ways than one they had touched by untouchable heart. Left me with an ache in my chest and a lump in my throat that can only be left by the purest of beauties. Not the kind of beauty one falls in love with but the kind of beauty which touches you deeply. Takes you out of the world and roots you to it all at once.

And so if Sylvia said she wanted to dance, I would do everything I could to make sure she would. And if I happened to notice she was killing herself over it, I would be the one to guide her. Be those hands on her shoulders she so desperately needed.

Perhaps Tommy didn't know my tender side, perhaps I didn't really know much of it anymore. But if it was still their then it was Sylvia Gray who had stirred it. Found it in its hibernation buried deep beneath the frozen earth, dug it up with bare fingers and found some way to remind it of itself. To remind me too.

Yeah, there was something about her that tugged on a nurturing heartstring I'd long since forgotten I had. And so I couldn't let her brother make the wrong choice for her. Couldn't let him drop the blade on her neck.

"If she stays Isaiah will stay too." He said finally, he was still looking down on her. He looked torn, this faint flicker of meaning in his eyes. The way he almost reached out to brush her face from her hair. "You've still got a job to do lad," he said turning to Isaiah who was still sulking in the corner, his sullen expression making me scowl. If he'd been one of my lads he'd have been put through the works for fucking up the way he had, if he'd been one of my lads and he'd put that girl in the danger he had, well he'd be dead... Probably. "You don't let her out of your sight and the next time she tries to pull that stunt on you you either disarm her or you let her get on with it... No capitulation..."

"Aye Tommy, understood..."

Isaiah almost looked scorned, like a boy who'd been caught with his fingers in the cookie jar. That humiliation, that insolent kind of sulk on his face, the way he nodded to Tommy in obedience but held his gaze with a glare. There was trouble brewing between them but I didn't really care. Didn't care what happened to the idiot lad who had already lost any hope at mercy from me. Just by looking at her.

"Good."

Tommy's word was final. He turned back to me, didn't spare his sleeping sister a second glance.

"Well Alfie, looks like me and Arthur won't need to infringe upon your evening any further eh, you've got what you want and I'm satisfied that everything's in order, taken care of..."

"Goin already Tom?" I frowned. I didn't want to turn my back on Sylvia but Tommy was already headed for the door. He wasn't even going to wait to say goodbye.

"Yeah," he nodded, "and when she wakes up yeah, you tell her this is what she gets yeah... For turning her back on her family, and if anything should happen to her now yeah, or to us, she can sit with No Goodbye for the rest of her fuckin life..."

"Right," I smirked, shrugged my shoulders of him, "well I don't know why you're botherin really Tommy, cause me an you both know yeah, that I won't be passing that message on yeah, cause it's fuckin cruel ain't it... Fuckin evil actually mate..."

But he didn't say another word to me, just looked to Isaiah and nodded, tipped his cap. The boy mirrored his action and I resisted the urge to spit on them both as I lead them to the door. I wasn't exactly shocked by Tommy's cruelty, only by his ability to dole it out so easily to her. To torment her like that.

"Oh and Alfie," he said finally as he lingered ony front door step. His brother already waiting by the car. "If he's flirting with her Alfie then he's just following orders yeah... Cause that girls never been able to say no to him."

I watched him as he turned away, his long black coat enclosing him in the evenings shadow as he disappeared down the path. The slamming of his door would wake his sister. The headlights would light up her bedroom window and the tires on the gravel would confirm her suspicions. Her heart would probably sink and then each beat would numb her, fingertips first. That sinking heartbreak she was more used to, I was realising now, than perhaps any of them really understood.

"Fuckin cruel bastard..." I grumbled to myself as I closed the door and fixed the locks. Heading to the living room, to the fire where Cyril was curled up on the rug. I sunk down into the sofa and welcomed him up to rest his head in my lap, cooed at him and let him sook up to me. Ruffled his neck and his ears. And all the while I was left stewing on Tommy's last words to me. His confession.

They shouldn't have but they left me feeling a little grim, a little possessive and a little angry. A little disturbed. If I'd thought about it a little longer I might have realised why.

Taglist:

@zablife @call-sign-shark @mollybegger-blog @starrykitn

[hazz-a-bear]

F A M I L Y  — i see things that nobody else sees.

meet the family.

masterlist | wattpad

──── ★

SONIYA FERNANDO & JONATHON RAE » the parents

1970 // BRITISH

⊹ ࣪ ˖ company director...

Aviana's father, Jonathon Rae was born and raised in London, England. It is during his stay In Sri Lanka during the 80s that he meets Soniya. After getting married in the outskirts of the country, the two reside in Colombo along with their two children before moving back to his hometown in the UK. With his flourishing career in the field of business and logistics, Jonathon Rae is the owner of multiple tea plantations in Kenya, India, China and Sri Lanka whilst also working as a Director at Lipton Tea and Infusions™. 

1970 // SRI LANKAN

⊹ ࣪ ˖ senior proffessor...

Soniya Fernando is a woman from Colombo, Sri Lanka. She was born and raised as the middle daughter of a five-membered family. She met her spouse during a university exchange programme. Now married to Jonathon Rae and mother to Aviana and Alden, she's currently a Senior Lecturer for Business Studies and Management at the Camden School of Business.

+

Aviana's relationship with her parents is one of huge complications. Dating back to the early days of childhood, Aviana and Alden seem to have a rather distant bond with them. Soniya, always a strict and orderly woman, is much more of a teacher than a mother to any of them from what Aviana reveals. Jonathon, who's much linear in comparison, is mostly swayed by his wife's stern and unwavering decisions that aren't always great.

Soniya and Jonathon, though close to the rest of One Direction parents, have never publicly shared their happiness with Aviana's success like the rest. The two were initially so against with their daughter's choice of career that they refused to support her in the matter altogether, leading Aviana to fully depend on herself. The rift between Aviana and her parents runs deeper than any of them lets it out, hence why the first thing she did once turning eighteen was change her family name 'Rae' to her paternal grandmother's family name; Fernsby.

₊ ⊹

❝She couldn't make us happy just for once, could she?❞

+

❝I chose this career...knowing I was giving a new meaning to the word disappointment. I just hope, maybe one day, they'll be happy with what I've achieved as parents❞

played by: n/a

──── ★

ALDEN RAE » the brother

1992 // BRITISH-SRI LANKAN

⊹ ࣪ ˖ pursues automotive design...

Ruvin Alden Rae is Aviana's biological older brother. With a two-year-old age gap between them, both of them were born and raised in Sri Lanka for the early part of their childhood. Alden is a badminton player as well as a community server. Once he finishes his studies at North Hampstead High, he eventually pursues a career in the design field which leads him to be an automotive designer in the future.

[ aviana + alden ␥ mistake 1 + mistake 2 ]

Alden and Aviana have a complicated brother-sister relationship as revealed by themselves, close family and friends. thought they used to be close when they were young, the two drifted away once the Rae family moved to England. Physical fights between Aviana and Alden are normalized in a way they shouldn't be. The tense and uncomfortable atmosphere between them can't be blamed on simple sibling rivalry - there seemed to be something more than that. All differences aside, Alden and Aviana have the ability to get close when it's beneficial for them. And surprisingly, community service is something that brings the two a little closer.

Though the two are not on good terms most of the time, Alden is the only family member whom Aviana contacts consistently. Alden is also the only one who at least half-heartedly supported Aviana's career throughout the years. The older is close to her sister's bandmate Louis. With his public bond with the boys of One Direction, fans almost speculate that Alden is closer to them than her sister in some instances. Alden is also known to be the one who acquired all the 'brown genes' of their maternal family.

₊ ⊹

❝How's Aviana? Well...she's alright, I guess. I don't know. Why are you asking me that? She's just here for the holidays yall, she's not dead❞

+

❝Alden, he's my brother, yeah. But, the only thing we truly bond over is, I think, Marvel and...alcohol? Yeah, probably❞

played by: dominic fike

──── thank you.

[czolgosz]

list of pdfs on my phone because i know everyone wants to find out

race, discourse, and the origin of the americas: a new world view (many authors. i'm not writing all that)

what is to be done? (vladimir lenin)

"chemistry and the 19th-century american pharmacist" (gregory j. higby)

the torture garden (octave mirbeau)

"the vane sisters" (vladimir nabokov) + questions for discussion

"the tell-tale heart" (edgar allan poe)

"the lottery" (brainerd duffield)

slideshow about different english cities during the industrial revolution

the compleat works of nostradamus

"terms of endearment in english" (julia landmann)

"speech reflections in late modern english pauper letters from dorset" (anne-christine gardner)

"slopjank prographilose" (rose q. drifting & magnesium oxide)

a few pages of the 1897 sears, roebuck & co. catalog + some other related things

orientalism (edward said)

"in event of moon disaster" (bill safire)

ragtime (e. l. doctorow)

enough to make you blush: exploring erotic humiliation (princess kali)

"you're a mean one, mr. grinch" (dr. seuss) + close reading questions

merry muses of caledonia (robert burns)

"women and the english civil wars" lesson outline

"the concept of the left" (leszek kołakowski)

"kids in the early 1900s" (betty debnam)

"heterosexualism and the colonial/modern gender system" (maría lugones)

"for heidi with blue hair" (fleur adcock)

"flowers for algernon" (daniel keyes)

excerpt of the beginning of m*a*s*h (tim kelly)

tristan tzara poetry collection

"the nature of the beast: the portrayal of satan in the ballads of seventeenth century england" (christopher bailey)

"all the king's horses" (kurt vonnegut)

"conditional divorce in ottoman society: a case from seventeenth-century erzurum" (bilgehan pamuk)

"gender oppression in the enlightenment era" (barbara cattunar)

who's afraid of virginia woolf? (edward albee)

"visual difference & disfigurement in the arts"

"trans-misogyny primer" (julia serano)

the brothers karamazov (fyodor dostoyevsky)

the other victorians: a study of sexuality and pornography in mid-nineteeth century england (steven marcus)

the mistborn trilogy (brandon sanderson)

"the life of an unknown assassin: leon czolgosz and the death of william mckinley" (cary federman)

the brothers karamazov (fyodor dostoyevsky) again

spanish idioms with their english equivalents: embracing nearly ten thousand phrases (sarah cary becker & federico mora)

a sensation novel (w. s. gilbert)

basic principles of marxism–leninism: a primer (jose maria sison)

russia under the old regime (richard pipes)

tristan tzara: dada and surrational theorist (elmer peterson)

pan tadeusz (adam mickiewicz)

psycho nymph exile (porpentine heartscape)

1984 (george orwell)

neath to reach zine: the traveler's guide to [illegible] (i am not writing all that!!)

the dada painters and poets: an anthology (i continue to not write all that)

machine of death (still not writing all that)

"merchants, proto-firms, and the german industrialization: the commercial determinants of nineteenth century town growth" (gavin greif)

"introduction to the history of mental illness"

"girl detective & the mystery of the sap-stained skirt" (porpentine heartscape)

gadsby (ernest vincent wright)

feeling very strange: the slipstream anthology (authors galore.)

english women's clothing in the nineteeth century (c. willett cunnington)

socialism: utopian and scientific (friedrich engels)

the waste land (t. s. eliot)

"debility and disability in edith wharton's novels" (karen weingarten)

death of riley (rhys bowen)

"the black vampyre: a legend of st. domingo" (uriah derick d'arc)

raoul hausmann and berlin dada (timothy o. benson)

flight out of time: a dada diary by hugo ball

art and production (boris arvatov)

"the culture industry: enlightenment as mass deception" (theodor adorno & max horkheimer)

a gilded lady (elizabeth camden)

"changing narratives of martyrdom in the works of huguenot printers during the wars of religion" (byron j. hartsfield)

112 gripes about the french

"the spelling of the country name "romania" in british official usage: from uncertainty to standardization" (paul woodman)

"sarajevo 1914: trial process against young bosnia – illusion of the fair process" (veljko m. turanjanin & dragana s. čvorović)

[gloryown]

█ ▌ a little jealousy ( ... ) ↷ @championsleagve : — LOGAN and MARLANA . prompt : i need to know where we stand.

[ . . . / / L . N ] he was casually leaning against one of the mclaren crates, watching the test run of all the other cars. he was smiling softly as he watched the mclaren rookie put in his laps, thankful that whilst it was his car the guy was in. logan was no longer worried if it got totalled. HE GOT A NEW ONE, next season. and hopefully this would be the one that would bring him the gold. and he could finally kick noah off his damn pedestal. the guy needed it. ( and if not logan, then hopefully lukas did it !   )    he grins wide, eyes dancing with a softness, as he sees marley come closer, before a frown scrunches up his face. as she rushes straight into her words. no preamble or anything, and it has logan covertly looking around, to make sure no one heard them. and went tattling to camden. as that was a conversation needed for later. but besides the guys on the track, the two were essentially, alone. 

          ❛   if 'm completely honest i don't know. mostly as i don't know what you want .....   ❜   he offers quickly. but mentally remembering the treatment that noah inflicted her with, he steps forward, throwing an arm over her shoulder. which to everyone around them, looked like a friendly touch. but they didn't see the way his thumb danced along the column of her neck. dancing over a mark he knew was there, due to him being the one who left it. ❛   but what i do know, is i want all of you. i want to see where this could lead, for our future together !   ❜  leaning forward he presses a soft kiss against her forehead. again reading as friendly to anyone else, but for her, lingering enough to know what it meant. ❛   i don't want you to be my secret, ever, but for now with cam. 'm sorry baby but its the best !   ❜  he felt so much guilt over that. but he knew she'd understand. well he fucking hoped she would.

[officialzepresentation]

bored so let me introduce my small town of media crossover

fandoms included: supernatural, 9-1-1, marauders, ted lasso, criminal minds (but its supernatural and marauders-centric, everyone else is mentioned or a consistent side character)

what ships are included, zep??? - you, presumably

Well, in supernatural, the following (relevant) ships are:

Dean W x Castiel S

Meg M x Anna M

Bobby S x Ellen H

Adam M x Michael M

Claire N x Kaia N

(Sam, jo, charlie, and others are further down in crossover ships)

In criminal minds, find:

Jennifer J x Emily P

(All others are further down in crossover ships or oc x canon ships)

For ted lasso, we have:

Keeley J x Roy K

Ted L x Trent C

(I assume you know the drill by now)

Next up, marauders! See:

Sirius B x Remus L

Peter P x Emmeline V

Lily E x Dorcas M

Marlene M x Mary M

Regulus B x Barty C Jr.

(Do i even have to tell you????)

9-1-1, i could never forget you:

Eddie B-D x Evan B-D

Maddie H x Chimney H

Hen W x Karen W

Bobby N x Athena G

(Taylor K is a citizen... she is below)

Crossover ship time!!

Sam W (spn) x Taylor K (9-1-1)

Jo H (spn) x Elle G (criminal minds)

Charlie B (spn) x Penelope G (criminal minds)

Rowena M (spn) x David R (criminal minds)

Gabriel S (spn) x Derek M (criminal minds)

Kelly K (spn) x Aaron H (criminal minds)

Canon x oc characters now :D

Jamie T (ted lasso) x Remy Durand

Spencer Reid (criminal minds) x Kayden-Cyrus Mars

James P (marauders) x Camden Mars

Evan R (marauders) x Keaton Beckett

Aroace/single characters:

Kennedy Winchester - aroace

Pandora R (marauders) - aroace

Crowley M (spn) - never-ending hoe summer

Rebecca W (ted lasso) - single bad bitch era

May G (9-1-1) - sexuality crisis n single

Children:

Jack K (spn)

Jack H (criminal minds)

Alison Winchester-Kelly

Phoebe K (ted lasso)

Christopher B-D (9-1-1)

Jeeyun H (9-1-1)

Denny W (9-1-1)

Henry L (ted lasso)

Bea C (ted lasso)

Does anyone want more info on this whole thing bc im itching to talk about it 😞

[alarrytale]

You've said that you believe all the blind items so what do you make of the one on Celebritea about Harry making out with a guy in a club?

Did you see that on TikTok about Harry making out with a guy at the club? The account is celebritea blinds.. and the comments are just so sad like if it’s true who cares if he is kissing a man it’s not the end of the world.

Hello, anons!

I have never said i believe in all blind items. I said i believe those blinds who i have reasons to believe is true, based on other information i have from other sources.

So let's see here. The original source of this blind is cdan. I saw it yesterday or the day before. Here it is.

Source

It spread to other sites who guessed it was Harry.

Source

I guess it spead to other blind items sites and tiktok later.

Foreign born always means not american. But east coast usually does mean east coast of America. Harry was in London. The show was in Electric Ballroom, Camden. There is nothing suggesting "a concert on the east coast" is a metaphor. It could refer to Fontaines D.C, as in Washington D.C. which is on the east coast, but that is a major stretch. I would have said "of" and not "on" the east coast if that was the case. Also the whole "on the east cost" is pretty unneccessary if it's meant to refer to H in London. So this blind is saying, we know other boybanders have been going to/playing concerts too (aka Harry), but this item is not about him.

Other things that are suggesting that it's not H is the fact that Harry is almost always referred to as "A-list singer/solo singer and former boybander" to show that he's A-lister and well known, and more than a boybander. Some months ago, when H was dating TR, cdan had a blind about both of them having boyfriends. That blind is solved now i think. We have no proof of H going to a club after the concert in London, and as far as rumours go, he only drank water at the concert, so i just very much doubt he'd go to a club and snog a random dude afterwards sober in plain sight. I also know he's with Louis, so either it's made up or it's not about H at all.

So unless cdan is suggesting H was snogging L, his boyfriend, in a club after a concert on the east coast, this blind is not about H at all.

See how logical reasoning works?

However, i do happen to know another foreign born former boybander, not as well known as Harry, who played a concert on the east coast of Ireland recently, who might have gone to a club and snogged a dude after his concert. It also happens that cdan has previously said that this foreign born boybander has gone to clubs and snogged guys. So it's not the first time it's been suggested and been in a blind item. It was also confirmed that he went to a club after the concert on the east coast.

Ding, ding, ding?

[inkwolvesandcoffee]

Ideas are baking (and another Alfie imagine)!

Today’s my day off and I thought I’d put on a nice dress and give baking a go. So, on the menu is low-calorie blueberry and vanilla pound made with plant-based yogurt (plain) and milk (vanilla).

Here’s a what it looked like before it went into the oven and afterwards:

Can’t say I did too shabby, judging by the looks of things. I wonder what it tastes like, though, because I’m no baking queen.🧐

Update 06/07/‘23: the taste wasn’t bad but version 2.0 has definitely turned out better.

But, as per usual, this got me thinking.

What if Alfie is crushing hard on a girl who runs a baking channel on YouTube?

He has his own channel called The Mad Baker, because we all know how chatty the King of Camden is.

It’s really per coincidence he stumbled across yours. He was looking over the shoulder of his assistant manager, Ollie, out of curiosity. After all, why was he staring at his phone instead of working?

No, those last ten minutes of a break are not for leisure. They’re to discard and return to the floor early.

Alfie's philosophy, not mine.

Anywho, at first he’s skeptical because your channel is all about healthy and low-calorie baking. Now, I’m sure you can imagine how badly that clashes with Alfie’s personal opinion.

“Bakin’, right, is a bloody art, mate. It’s the creation out of the simplest ingredients, given to us by Yahweh, a transformation into something incredible. Why would you tarnish a brownie by using Greek yogurt instead of rich butter? I don’t use agave syrup or worse, stevia, whatever the fuck that’s supposed to be, instead of the highest quality honey whenever I make lekach, do I? No, if something is meant to be sweet, make it sweet, yeah?”

And yet there he was that very same evening, sitting in his living room and suffering from insomnia.

Watching your videos.

Although he was grumbling his own opinions about 'proper' baking, he couldn't stop further investigating 'the girl with the micro bakery, whatever the fuck that is'.

Strangely, he found himself quieten the more he watched your videos. Moreover, Alfie found himself wanting to discover more about you, much more than what little you shared on camera.

Also, and he only realised this much later after some rare self-reflection, your voice calms him.

Soon after, he started to leave comments. At first, they were quite shallow, general. Nonetheless, they’ve grown more genuine over time, admitting to trying your recipes and asking questions.

Nowadays, those comments more often than not turn into conversations which create long threads that tend to stray from the original topic quite fast.

Both of your fan bases have noticed this too, hopping back and forth between your channels.

Recently they’ve been practically begging you two to do a collaboration.

Alfie was hesitant at first because he prefers being by himself and working on his own.

Nevertheless, when you ask him to teach you some traditional Jewish recipes he agrees without so much as a second thought.

He only has one condition, though.

That you put your own twist on his recipes and teach him the modified version.

The collab has the fans nothing short of going feral. Ships are sailing left, right, and centre and half the comment section are remarks how good you two look together and sparks are flying.

And perhaps they are right.

The conversation flows as easily as when held behind screens.

It feels natural how Alfie guides your hands while kneading the babka dough. At first he hesitates, his palms awkwardly hovering around you before he clasps them behind his back.

Only to warm the back of your palms when you ask him to teach you his way to knead dough.

Though really you only asked to fulfill the nagging curiosity about the way his body would feel against yours. His chest is warm against your back, the satisfied low hum he lets out reverberating against it.

You hear his breath hitch when your fingers entwine and for a moment he grows still. Nonetheless, when you look over your shoulder to check his reaction, his eyes are warm and a tender smile has found its way to his lips.

You know it must be weird for him to have a young thing like you interested in him in a way that goes beyond friendship. In fact, it isn’t hard to tell since the rigidity in his composure hasn’t lessened since you welcomed him into your studio/micro bakery.

Yet, Alfie tries his best to relax. Henceforth, while you two have coffee while waiting for the oven to heat up and the camera is off for the time being, he allows himself to lower his guard ever so slightly.

He nestles into the corner of your sofa, loving the softness of the cushions. Mostly, however, he loves your presence, sitting right next to him.

Like in the fantasies he’s found himself entertaining, especially when it’s just him in the otherwise empty house in Margate.

The need to settle down has never been as strong as it has been recently, started the moment you two truly began to talk.

Truth be told, though, it scares him. He isn’t used to being rooted, to being unable to think of a person the way he thinks about you despite the doubts it stirs within him.

Regardless, he wouldn’t have it any other way.

One day you’ll collab and Alfie will allow himself to let his guard down completely.

Until then, you two work through the motions of various recipes.

Slowly growing closer.

Tag List: @zablife @potter-solomons @liliac-dreamer @wandawiccan60 @buttercupsandboys @dreamlandcreations @rose-like-the-phoenix @babaohhhriley @hecatemoon87 @vir-tual @mollybegger-blog

[unusualindigo]

Rewriting my Elden Ring fic was the best idea I've had in a while, I'm so excited to get to the DLC so I can fully flesh out my ideas.

Speaking of ideas...

Does anyone else hope Miquella, rather than being a boss, is just effortlessly charming and able to renew the hope we players have for a better tomorrow?

I'm really tired of all the Griffith comparisons, especially since Annatar of LoTR fits Miquella's actions a helluva lot better.

More importantly, I enjoy thinking that Miquella is just patiently awaiting our aid in the Lands of Shadow, ready to send us off in the right direction the moment we arrive like the good leader he's been built up to be.

Camden (my tarnished): Now then, where to begin...

Miquella, cheerfully appearing behind him: Oh, first you'll want to fight the omen lion, then...

Camden: Ah! L-Lord Miquella?

Miquella: Hm? Oh, right. We haven't met. Yes, I'm Miquella. Please, hold the lord for now. As I was saying, next you'll need to find my brother Messmer and-

Camden: Another brother? Does this family tree know no end?

Miquella: *squinting* Your hair's red...

Camden: ...I'm the bastard of Rykard's bastard.

Miquella: Then don't judge. Now, where was I?

[justforbooks]

Not all social housing in the 1960s was about tower blocks. High-rise buildings were unpopular with tenants, lifts were costly and broke down, and the surrounding lawns were hard to maintain. Moreover, on the slopes around Hampstead Heath in London, towers would have blocked views towards St Paul’s Cathedral. This area became part of the newly created borough of Camden in 1965 and a visionary new chief architect, Sydney Cook, assembled a bright team of assistants to find an alternative form of housing. One of these young architects was Peter Tábori, who has died aged 83. The Whittington estate which he designed, originally known as Highgate New Town, exemplified a solution that was both innovative and successful.

Camden had identified an area of semi-derelict Victorian housing for redevelopment next to Highgate’s east cemetery, where Karl Marx is buried. Tábori realised that, on such a steep hillside, lines of flats and maisonettes could be stacked one above the other and entered from a common entrance at mid-level on the uphill side. Car parking could be set into the hill between these terraces and decked over with pedestrian walkways and children’s playgrounds.

He was inspired by medieval Italian hill towns and an internationally regarded scheme near Berne by the Swiss architects Atelier 5, but the greatest impression is of generous, humane spaces. The scheme was designed in 1968-70 but not completed until 1979 after the original contractors went bust.

The concept fitted perfectly with Cook’s own ideas and Tábori was a natural addition to the team. Other assistants working on similar solutions went on to greater recognition: Neave Brown’s complex terraces at Fleet Road (now Dunboyne Road) and Alexandra Road are listed, as are Gordon Benson and Alan Forsyth’s mainly two-storey houses on a steep slope at Branch Hill, Hampstead.

Together the group established a distinctive style for Camden’s best social housing using crisp white concrete, densely packed but relatively low-rise. Tábori’s Highgate New Town had the benefit of simplicity, in the design of the terraces and in his determination that public and private spaces should be clearly separated. This last avoided the problems faced by estates where indeterminate space led to vandalism. Mark Swenarton’s book Cook’s Camden (2017), to which Tábori generously contributed, records the inspiring story.

Highgate New Town was finely finished, the external concrete contrasting with handsome internal joinery. Cook claimed that “the quality of [Tábori’s] work isn’t just double site capacity at low rise, or all the higher standards, but that he did it all below yardstick”, the restrictive budget code imposed by governments at the time. In fact, Camden’s fine housing was made possible by its high domestic rates income and other London boroughs could not match its quality. Many of Tábori’s maisonettes remain tenanted, but those sold under “right-to-buy” legislation now fetch eye-watering prices.

Tábori went on to design a second scheme in 1971, Oakshott Court, Polygon Road, with three L-shaped terraces, but he was disappointed by a decision made in 1974 to use brick, apparently in deference to its location near St Pancras Station. A smaller scheme of 15 flats on the corner of Mill Lane and Solent Road followed in 1973 after Cook’s retirement, including four wheelchair-accessible units and five for elderly people. He also worked on a visionary programme with the architects/engineers Arup Associates for building over the main railway tracks that run through Camden, an attempt to gain space in the overcrowded borough.

He was born Peter Stroh in Budapest, the son of Istvan Stroh, a professor of mathematics, and his wife Erzsebét (nee Szanto), a former opera singer. She subsequently married Michael Tábori, an economist whose father had died at Auschwitz. Both men had been imprisoned by the communist government and following the 1956 uprising in Budapest, Peter too was arrested. On his release in December 1956 he, Erzsebét and Michael emigrated to London via Vienna, along with other members of Michael’s family. Thenceforth Tábori used his stepfather’s surname and adopted it formally on becoming a British citizen in 1966.

Tábori learned English and technical drawing with an architect, Cecil Epril, and in 1958 entered Regent Street Polytechnic (now the University of Westminster). His tutors included Richard Rogers, who inspired his interest in mass housing, and who himself designed an (unbuilt) hillside scheme in Croydon inspired by Atelier 5. Tábori assisted on Rogers’s first built house, Creekvean, with Su Rogers and Norman Foster.

Tábori also spent two years working for Ernö Goldfinger, the Hungarian-born architect immortalised by Ian Fleming, before completing his qualifications. The final external examiner was Denys Lasdun, who gave him a job assisting on the University of East Anglia, another hillside building with a stepped section where he learned about concrete techniques. However, when in 1967 the chance came to work for Cook and develop his own housing interests, Tábori seized the opportunity.

He left the borough in 1984 and formed a private practice with John Green and Bob Winning, working mainly in Hamburg, Toulouse and Soweto.

Tábori married Angelika Schiel, a model, in 1962. They had three sons, Kris, Michael and Gabor, but divorced in about 1980, and Angelika, who became an upholsterer, died in 2016. Peter had a fourth son, Tom, in 1984, with Anne Saville, a welfare adviser at the charity Gingerbread, but the couple later separated. He is survived by his sons.

🔔 Peter Tábori (Peter Stroh), architect, born 15 January 1940; died 23 February 2023

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