#call that shit uhhh method acting

[embersofhope-if]

my poor meow meow

[kaijuposting]

I think Shadows of Rose made the act of blowing up the megamycete even worse. Like, in Resident Evil: Village we really have no idea how the fungal root stores memories - for all we know they could be an undifferentiated, unconscious muddle and Miranda's belief that she could bring Eva back could've been mostly wishful thinking.

Then in Shadows of Rose we find out that the fungal root effectively serves as a simulation of reality where people can functionally live and do stuff. Which means that blowing up the megamycete in RE8... probably effectively killed a whole bunch of innocent people who were just minding their own business in Mold World.

(Also I think this raises the question, what if Eva didn't even want to go back? She's been here at least a hundred years, right? She might have made friends or maybe even found an adoptive family. She might not have even remembered Miranda at this point. Maybe she heard Miranda calling for her and basically went "uhhh no I'm not following the scary lady's voice.")

Also, maybe there's survivors? Maybe once the chunks that didn't get vaporized or die of exposure can reestablish themselves, maybe they can connect via mycelium and whoever's left can find each other again. (Though one can only suppose some of them have been injured/damaged the same way the Duke mold counterpart was. But hopefully they can find a way to deal with that.)

Also Chris Redfield needs to seriously consider that "blow shit up" is not necessarily the best problem-solving method all the time, lol.

[hintofelation99]

The Justice League Hangs out with Duke

Bruce: Duke, it's time we had the talk.

Duke: Uh... nope. No thank you. I'm not getting the sex talk from Batman.

Bruce: What? No! The Robin talk.

Duke: But, I'm- I'm the Signal now? Isn't it a bit late for a Robin talk?

Bruce: Son, it's never too late, not for this.

Duke: Um. Ok.

Bruce: When Dick, Jason, and Tim first started as Robins they created a tradition. A tradition that continued with Stephanie, Damian, and now you.

Duke: And that tradition is?

Bruce: Taking down the Justice League. By being annoying and slightly terrifying.

Duke: OHHHHHH. Is that why no one from the Justice League talks to me?

Bruce: Yes, yes it is. But don't worry. I made an arrangement that will allow you time alone with league members to continue the tradition. You have a week to prepare.

——————

Duke: Cass, what do I do?

Cass raises an eyebrow at Duke.

Duke: For the Robin tradition thing. I have to take down the entire Justice League in a night using creative, outlandish, and original methods. But it's already been done by Dick, Jason, Tim, Damian, and Steph. So what do I do? How can I be better than all of them.

Cass smirks: Take them down too.

Duke looking at Cass like she's crazy: What?

Cass: Take. Them. Down.

Duke: Holy shit, you are terrifying.

Cass just smiles and leaves.

-> One Week Later <-

Wonder Woman, Superman, Flash, Aquaman, Green Lantern, Black Canary, Martian Manhunter, Dick, Jason, Tim, Damian, and Steph gather in the Watchtower.

Duke: Hey guys, Batman just wanted to go through some training exercises with everyone. He'll be a little late. Harley and Ivy escaped Arkham and are trying to grow penis shaped shrubs in all the public parks. But, don't worry he asked me to go ahead and start with out him.

Green Lantern: Why are you leading this meeting?

Duke: Batman is running late and he wants me to practice leading meetings.

Green Lantern, glaring suspiciously at Duke: Are you about to do that stupid Robin tradition where you torture all of us?

Duke: What Robin tradition? Also, I'm not even a Robin? I'm the Signal.

Green Lantern continues to glare at him.

Superman: Calm down Green Lantern, the Robins never do this in front of each other.

Every League member seems to relax at this.

Duke acting confused: Uhhh, yeah. Ok, we have a few housekeeping things to do according to the list Batman left. So, I'll have everyone pair up for sparring while I handle these individually.

------

Everyone is in the training room working out or sparring. Duke approaches Tim.

Duke: Hey Tim, Bruce wanted you to look in to that Bludhaven case. Is that ok with you?

Tim: Yeah, why wouldn't it be?

Duke: Oh, I just thought it might be difficult considering what Dick did.

Tim: ...What did he do?

Duke: Wait, you haven't noticed? Oh no, I'm sorry I shouldn't have said anything.

Tim: Duke. Tell me what he did.

Duke: Well, Jason said that he replaced all your coffee with decaf.

Tim: THAT BASTARD. No wonder I've been feeling so tired! I'm going to kill him!

Duke: Wait, just stop! I heard that he hid all of it in Green Lantern's room.

Tim: Wait, why there?

Duke: Something about you being afraid of him.

Tim: WHAT?! I'm not afraid of the Green Nightlight! I'm gonna find that coffee then make Dick pay.

Duke: Oh, well cool, good luck!

------

Green Lantern: Um, what are you doing in my room?

Tim: Where is it?

Green Lantern: Where's what?

Tim: You know what I want. Give up now or face the consequences.

Green Lantern: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

Tim: Fine. Consequences.

------

Steph, sparring with Duke: So, what's it like being the first meta bat?

Duke: Not too bad, but I could do with out the whole 'predict the future' thing.

Steph, laughing: What? You can not see the future.

Duke: I bet you $50 I can

Steph: Your on.

Duke, makes everything around him light up and uses a weird voice: In the next thirty minutes Green Lantern will flee the Watchtower in fear. Soon after Dick will be attacked by Tim.

Steph, snorts in obvious disbelief.

Steph: That was so fake-

Green Lantern runs out of the tower looking terrified.

Steph: No way.

Tim tackles Dick and they start fighting like three year old's on the floor.

Steph, handing Duke $50: Holy shit Magic Man.

Duke makes things light up and does the voice again: Oh my god.

Steph, looking excited: What?!

Duke: The- the sushi. The sushi you brought today, it's made from-

Duke pretends to choke back a sob.

Duke: It's made from the fish who was the maid of honor at Aquaman's wedding.

Steph: HOLY SHIT.

------

Steph and Aquaman sit beside each other for lunch, she pulls out her sushi and looks at Aquaman sadly.

Steph: I am so, so sorry for your loss. But just know that her sacrifice is not in vain.

Aquaman, looks confused for a second then sees the sushi: NOPE. Not this again! I'm leaving.

Steph: Wait! I'm sorry!

Aquaman leaves as Steph tries to chase him down.

------

Jason is laughing and filming as Dick and Tim fight.

Duke, whistles: Man, imagine if that video went on YouTube.

Jason, looking confused: What?

Duke: I'm just saying if the video of Red Robin and Nightwing fighting like kids ever got on YouTube, it'd go viral. Oh and they would be so pissed!

Jason, laughs: Too bad B would kill me if I uploaded this.

Duke: Yeah, I guess so. And you can't upload it here because then Superman would get in trouble.

Jason: Why would the boy scout get in trouble?

Duke: Cause he always uses his YouTube account on the Justice League computer. So it'd look like he uploaded it and B would find out that Superman watches cat videos while he's on monitor duty.

Jason, smirking: Huh, so you're saying if I upload this on the League computer I'd piss off Bruce, Tim, and Dick and get Supes in trouble?

Duke, acting innocent: Huh, I guess so.

-> A Few Minutes Later <-

A call from Bruce comes up on the main computer.

Superman: Hey Batman, what can I do for you?

Bruce: You, Red Hood, cave now.

Jason: What? Why me?

Bruce: Because I saw that little home video you uploaded of your brothers.

Jason: What, that wasn't me!

Bruce: I could hear you laughing while you filmed.

Jason: Dammit.

Jason and Clark leave for the cave pouting like kids.

------

Duke: Hey, Black Canary?

Black Canary: Yes Duke?

Duke: I'm sorry to do this on such short notice, but I'm very worried about Dick and Tim.

Black Canary: Why?

Duke: Well, Tim keeps claiming that Dick is out to get him. Something about Dick messing with his coffee? And Dick feels like he's just being attacked for no reason and is worried about Tim's health. Is there anyway you could intervene?

Black Canary, looking sighing and looking exhausted: Usually I have three days of preparation before dealing with bats.

Duke: I know it's just-

Duke gestures to Tim and Dick rolling on the floor fighting.

Duke: They really need help.

Black Canary: Alright, I'll see what I can do.

Black Canary attempts to intervene only to get pulled into the fight. Now the three of them are tangled in a huge, confusing fight, that's filled with yelling and hair pulling.

------

Duke: Damian! Quick!

Damian: What is it Thomas.

Duke: I think somethings wrong with Dick and Tim and maybe even Black Canary. They're all fighting and won't stop! Can you help me contain them so that we can figure out what's going on?

Damian: Fine. I shall help.

Duke: Ok, just try to herd them into this containment cell.

Damian joins the fight managing to get everyone, including himself, into the containment cell. As Damian is trying to leave Duke closes the cell. Damian angrily yells and bangs on the sound proof walls.

Duke: What? Sorry, can't hear you! My hand slipped!

------

Wonder Woman: Very well done Signal.

Duke, acting innocent: Hm?

Wonder Woman: You tricked Red Robin into scaring Green Lantern away, then into fighting Nightwing. Once that fight broke out you tricked Red Hood into uploading a video to the internet using the Superman's credentials. By uploading that video he caused both himself and Superman to face Batman's wrath. You also used the fight to trick Stephanie into annoying Aquaman to the point of leaving. Then you involved Black Canary in the fight, which was her downfall. And, as a final touch, you managed to get Robin into the fight and trapped all in a containment cell. You successfully eliminated 9 foes with one trick.

Duke: You mean 11.

Wonder Woman: What?

Duke: 11. You see, I didn't trick Red Robin, I tricked Nightwing. I had a week to prepare. In that week I convinced Dick that Tim needed to cut back on the caffeine and that Dick should help by switching all of Tim's coffee with decaf. I also convinced him to hide that coffee in the watchtower, in Green Lantern's room. So that was all true.

Wonder Woman: But, that still does not make 11?

Duke: It does. Because This morning I moved the coffee. I replaced the Flashes decaf with Tim's ultra caffeinated coffee. You see Tim has it specially manufactured to increase the caffeine levels. And, while Flash doesn't usually drink his coffee in the morning, he's always running late and forgets, he does drink coffee during training breaks. Which is now. So in about five minutes we will have an incredibly caffeinated speedster in the Watchtower. And since you're the only one around right now with a chance of catching him, that's your problem.

Right as Duke finishes Flash runs by, majorly hyped up on caffeine.

Duke: Checkmate.

------

Martian Manhunter: It appears that I am the last remaining League member.

Duke: Yeah, I don't really understand this tradition but apparently every Robin ends it by picking a favorite league member.

Martian Manhunter: Out of all the League members, why have you chosen me?

Duke: Your smart and have a lot of cool powers. Also, I dunno, I hear you sometimes feel like an outsider with the league. Cause, the whole martian thing. And I know it's not the same but, sometimes I feel like an outsider with the bats, being the only meta and all.

Martian Manhunter: You have chosen me so that we may bond over our lack of connections?

Duke: Uhhhh, yeah?

Martian Manhunter: Hm. Very well, I assume that this is your “Robin Weakness”. Apparently every Robin has one.

---------------------------------------------------

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[ablednt]

the way people with obvious cognitive disabilities get treated on this site is rancid and we all need to have a big think about that. perfect grammar does not matter. someone asking for clarification is not starting an argument. TLDRs are not ridiculous or demeaning. struggling with adaptive functioning is not an indicator that someone is "mentally a child" and that concept is eugenicist in origin anyway. people insisting on using inaccessible jargon specific to their fields and demanding that people "just make an effort", claiming their words aren't hard to understand, that critical thinking is the easiest thing in the world, etc. they're so generalizing and unbelievably ignorant to the experiences of people with intellectual disabilities and static high support needs. they certainly make no effort to give us modifications or accommodated learning methods of any kind. it speaks volumes about what they must think of those who can't communicate at all. people who don't understand big words and take what they would consider unreasonable amounts of time to comprehend so-called simple information are not lesser. they just aren't. why is this so fucking rampant in academic spaces on here. good fucking god.

Yeah it's really ridiculous the way cognitively disabled and intellectually disabled people get treated on here. I'm lucky in that somehow we managed as a kid to realize that communication was the only thing that would keep us alive and accepted so we put all our spoons into maxing that skill out and are some weird mix of semi-verbal and hyper-verbal that makes nondisableds think that I'm just mildly dyslexic and not trying hard enough. Like and I still get a shit ton of bullshit whenever I criticize academia in anyway so yeah even with all my passing and masking they still are blatantly ableist so it's a million times worse for people who cannot mask like that, like you said!

Like it's so wild to me how people will send me things like "Just read more fucking books you're a lazy privileged person because you aren't reading more." whenever I make a post about academia and then in addition try their very best to infantilize me ("we don't think you're stupid because you're disabled and speaking out against ableism in academia uhhh you're just stupid because you watch barbie movies and play undertale. Act your fucking age smh") and then not even consider how these views reflect on people who are illiterate due to disability/poverty/neglect?

Like, it's as if to say, "you're worthless because you can't perform academically...oh uhh people who are too disabled to read don't count though they're not worthless but I don't view them as human beings who are capable of morality or immorality so when I moralize the act of reading it doesn't include them." and then they think that makes sense and isn't ableist and call it a day lmfao.

[knifefather]

*stops car at your drive thru* CAN I GET UUUUHHHH hate fuck with prosciutto after a paired up mission?? like a heavy discussion about how it went and then 🥴 uhhh yeah and extra fries

will that be all for your order?? ok your total is $4.69, please pull up to the first window

Content Warnings: Hate sex, physical violence, blood, abusive language, breeding, impact play. This is not a healthy relationship. Somewhat happy ending! 18+ ONLY.

via porunareff

Prosciutto was stone-faced while the two of you checked into the soddy hotel, located on the outskirts of a small town. You had just finished a mission with your partner and were hunkering down for the night before returning to Napoli. Prosciutto was curt with the front desk receptionist, taking the key and turning on his heel, expecting you to follow. You did begrudgingly. 

It was obvious why he was ignoring you--you had put yourself in danger during the mission to make sure that the two of you succeeded. Prosciutto’s Stand was strong, but not the best in hand-to-hand combat situations. You took it upon yourself to use your Stand to knock back the enemy. He tried to whisper to you a plan, but you didn’t listen. It was a 2 versus 4 fight, and by jumping in the middle and using your ability, you managed to knock out 3 by a sheer stroke of luck. Prosciutto was furious even after his fist collided with the face of the only remaining enemy. Even then, he didn’t raise his voice to you but called you, to quote him exactly, “The stupidest dumb shit I have ever met in my life.” You took his insult with a grain of salt. You had to control your temper, or he would be the one that you fought next. 

But now you were considering that grain of salt as the two of you silently boarded the elevator. The doors closed with a sliding sound, the apparatus taking you up several floors. Prosciutto still wasn’t looking at you or talking to you, standing with his hands folded behind his back. You had enough of this crap. “You’re still mad? Really?” you asked, turning to face him, hands on your hips. 

“You could have gotten yourself killed and jeopardized the mission. I had a plan,” he shot back, his words like a dart. 

“But I didn’t, and we’re fine.” 

“You’re missing the point.”

The elevator came to a halt and the doors slid open. Without missing a beat, Prosciutto and you exited and you came back with your rebuttal. “What point am I missing? We got the info Risotto told us to get and killed the bad guys. I don’t see a problem,” you argued, folding your arms. The both of you walked and talked, Prosciutto checking out the room numbers while also listening to your ridiculous excuse for an argument. 

“Your recklessness could have cost us dearly. You don’t understand the consequences of your actions.” He came to a sudden halt in front of a door, checking out the number a second time before swiping the keycard on the reader. The fact that he was being so casual about insulting you and your abilities tapped into your hidden temper, the temper that you tried to keep in control of. That control was slipping away, and you were glad that Prosciutto found the room because as soon as the door closed, you were on him like stink on shit. 

“It’s like you want us to fail. It doesn’t matter if something could have gone wrong, nothing went wrong! Get off your high horse and stop acting like you’re fucking perfect or something,” you shouted at him. You were almost nose-to-nose with him, puffing your chest out in anger. Your reasoning was irrational and you knew that, but the pent up anger from all the snarky remarks that Prosciutto has ever said to you consumed you at once, and you let him have it. His expression was neutral, but you could see behind his eyes were his patience was beginning to wear thin. 

“Stand down, y/n.” His tone was harsh, his nostrils flaring as he controlled his breathing. 

“I hate your fucking guts!” you shot back. Black spots consumed your vision and you lost control of your body. You swung, hard, and nailed Prosciutto dead in the nose. He exclaimed and staggered back only a bit before bouncing back, grabbing you by the shoulders and shaking you. 

“What the hell is wrong with you?” he asked, brows knitted tightly with anger. Blood was beginning to trickle from his nose now crooked nose.

You didn’t say anything, but wrenched one of your arms from his grasp and moved to hit him again. He anticipated you this time, catching your smaller fist in his larger one. He grabbed your wrists, restraining you and trying to lead you to the office chair nearby. “You’re being unreasonable,” he gritted out through clenched teeth. The black-clad man had a good hold on you, but your strength tested him. You made eye contact as you struggled, a few strands of hair dangling in your face. He maintained his smoldering gaze on you, shoving you down into the chair and holding your wrists to the arms of the chair. He leaned down, putting his weight on them, and stared you down. 

You felt some of the fires of wrath die down in you, only to ignite something else in the same vein. The same hazy, intense look crossed over Prosciutto’s face. Sucking in a breath, you took a leap of faith and crashed your lips against his. He made a startled noise but only took a few moments to respond. He didn’t release your hands, but kissed you back harder, tilting his head to the side. Even now, he wanted to tame you, wanted to show you that he was in charge as he slotted his mouth against yours. You huffed into the kiss, your tongue slipping in to mingle with his. Prosciutto was already on it, fighting you for control of the situation. He took his weight off of your wrists and hoisted you up, holding you close before shoving you on the bed. The reserved way he grabbed you initially was gone--he wasn’t scared to be rough with you now.

The realization of this dawned on you when Prosciutto climbed on top of you, pinning you to the mattress. He returned his lips to yours, groaning softly against your mouth while he grabbed for your clothes. His blood was starting to get everywhere, but you paid no mind to it. The gangster was passionate, yet methodical, something that you loved but hated about Prosciutto. At this thought, you shoved his jacket off of his shoulders, tossing it on the floor. He pulled back from the kiss to bitch at you for throwing his clothes, but you chased him, pressing your lips to his against before he could speak. It was sloppy, disorganized, very unlike Prosciutto in every way, but amazing. Your fingers worked the tight buns on the back of his head, pulling the ties off. His hair spilled down onto his shoulders gradually, all the while he was kissing you feverishly. He yanked off your pants with his own to follow, not pausing even for a moment. You loved the intensity, the heat, the way his body pressed into yours. He handled you with pure desire behind his touches even though his forehead crinkled in irritation from your incompetency. He ripped off your shirt, and you undid your bra before the garment could face his wrath. He began kissing down your sternum, nibbling you harshly as he did so. The sexual tension you felt was heightened by the frustration you felt. Even the pleasure he gave you pissed you off, it left you wanting more, and you roughly thrust your hips against him. He growled against your lower stomach and breathed over your sex through your panties. “Impatient brat,” he gritted, running his fingertip over your pussy. “Always so quick to jump the gun.” 

A frustrated sound came from your throat as he hovered over your panties. “Come on,” you encouraged, bucking your ups into his face. Prosciutto grumbled something to himself before ripping your panties off of your body, the dainty cloth reduced to shreds. You gasped in surprise at the sudden action but was quickly relieved as his tongue made contact with your clitoris. The burning feeling of need revved hot in your tummy as his tongue grazed over your clit. He had no reservations, because as soon as he adjusted to your taste, he dove in, lapping and licking your cunt for all that it’s worth. You squirmed under his mouth, the wetness between your thighs increasing with each swipe of Prosciutto’s tongue. Your flavor burst over his tongue and made his cock impossibly harder in his pants, almost to the point of being uncomfortable. The blond man quickly undid his trousers and wrestled them to about his mid-thigh, enough for his member to spring free. Prosciutto’s cock was flushed and standing at attention, ready to be dropped inside you. 

With this in mind, Prosciutto was ready to move on from toying with your pussy. Besides, you were beginning to become almost too squirmy, which pissed him off even more. “Hold still,” he rumbled out, rising to his feet and discarding the rest of his clothes. Your eyes widened as he removed the rest of his clothing; it was amazing to see his completely naked form. His lean body was riddled in faded scars, the jagged edges all telling their own stories. You watched his arms flex as he tossed aside one of his socks, eyes moving downwards from there.  Even with the distance, a shimmering bead of precum gathering on his swollen tip was visible to you. Your body thrummed with excitement, from the top of your head to the very tip of your toes, as Prosciutto approached you. His body was poised, his expression hazy and lustful but also vindictive. He stopped at the edge of the bed in front of you. You had already propped yourself up on your elbows at the point, intrigued by his sensuality. 

“You’re not going to be so rude as to not return the favor, are you?” Prosciutto said, his eyebrow cocked condescendingly at you. You couldn’t help but sneer before rising to his erect member bobbing in front of you. 

“Honestly, have a little bit more faith in me,” you said, rolling your eyes. You decided to suck his cock before his shitty attitude made you change your mind. The salty flavor of his precum was smeared across your lips as you mouthed the tip. Slowly, you took more of him, his girth stretching your lips the farther you went down his shaft. You breathed steadily through your nose, the smell of his musk strong the closer you drew to his pelvis. Prosciutto wasn’t overly vocal, but the breathy sounds he allowed himself to make were like music to your ears. When you took him in almost to the hilt and swallowed around his member, he made a strained noise, sweet and wanton. Impatience overtook him, because he reached down to grip your hair before thrusting into your mouth. The hitman was gentle at first but quickly became rougher with his actions. The blunt head of his cock hit the back of your throat in a brutish, steady rhythm. Tears began to prick the corners of your eyes as Prosciutto fucked your throat. A twisted part of him enjoyed seeing you gag and slobber on his dick after he had to deal with your obnoxiousness for so long. 

The thoughts swirling around in Prosciutto’s head made his dick twitch warningly in your throat. He quickly pulled you back by your hair, a rush of air hitting your lungs so speedily that it disoriented you. Vision still blurry from the tears, you felt his hands around you, pulling you up and onto the bed as if you were nothing more but a ragdoll. He pushed you onto your back, dragging your ankles up to his shoulders and rutting his meaty cock against your pussy. He rubbed against you for a while, the head of his cock catching on your clit several times, the stimulation amplified by your desire. It was beginning to make you crazy, so crazy that you grabbed the back of Prosciutto’s hair and shook him, pushing your hips down. You met his dark blue eyes and let out a whine at the predatory look that greeted you. He growled before angling himself downwards and thrusting inside you, most of his cock sinking into you with one stroke. A jolt went through your body as you stretched around him, the discomfort dissolving into pleasure as you adjusted to him. 

Prosciutto looked right into your eyes as he pushed you a little further, hilting inside of you. That’s what he always did--he pushed you. He pushed you when you wanted him to stop nagging you, he pushed you to do better during missions, and now he’s pushing your sexual limits. What you saw when you looked at him was a challenge. Your gaze communicated it all because Prosciutto gave you a little grunt as if to say, ‘I accept’. He started with a slow, rough pace, making a show of pulling most of the way out of you before snapping back in. It was agonizingly slow but wonderful; you tried to use your legs to keep him from pulling out, but his strength bested yours every time. He watched you carefully as you took him, his eyes moving back and forth between your face and his dick disappearing inside you. The bleeding from his nose had stopped for the most part, but a line of blood trailed down his face and neck. It fascinated you, you couldn’t take your eyes off of his skin.

Eventually, you found your voice. “S-Speed it up, I don’t have all day,” you managed to say. Your harsh words didn’t match the soft, kitten-like tone that you used. Prosciutto tsked you before pulling out completely. You were getting ready to bitch him out until he reached under you and flipped you onto your stomach. He pulled your hips up to meet his and sank back into you, any words you were going to say dying on your lips. Body pressed into the mattress, you braced yourself, your hands fisting in the sheets. Prosciutto panted next to your ear, holding himself up over you while his hips snapped into yours. His movements grew choppy but rough, and he drove his hips into yours over and over. “This what you want?” he rasped out, earning a moan from you. His sack was slapping lewdly against your ass now, heavy and warm. The smell rolling off of his body was intoxicating; it made you furious. “Wanted to get me all mad so I’d pound you into this mattress?” Whining, you nodded your head, sticking your ass up for him despite him driving you back down with his pelvis. “You fucking got it. Y-You almost got us killed, too,” he said, his voice less angry than it should have been. 

“T-This shit again?” Your irritation with him was almost tainting the amazing way he was filling you up. “Get over it.” 

This must have struck a chord in Prosciutto, because he moved to grab the back of your neck, pushing your head into the pillow. “Shut up.” His unimpressive comeback was lost to you while he hammered into you. Months and months of frustration, all sparking into a flame between you both, melting each other with your touches. Your pussy was so tight, so wet, begging for him to take out his frustration with you. Prosciutto huffed from the exertion, his orgasm nagging at his core. You were very close behind him, unable to take the searing heat building up inside you any longer. 

“P-Please...” you whimpered out, your voice still muffled. His thighs thundered against the backs of yours. This was accompanied by the sound of your sopping wet pussy, gushing over Prosciutto’s cock as the both of you drew closer to orgasm. But it wasn’t enough--you were right on the edge, about to cum, but there was something that you were missing. You attempted to buck your hips back against Prosciutto, hoping the extra force would be the last bit of pleasure you needed before it all came toppling down. The flurry of sexual frustration inside you manifested as you being enraged by Prosciutto; he talked big but wasn’t fucking you hard enough, wasn’t putting his dick right where it needed to be inside you to make you see stars. 

“Please what?” The blond gangster taunted in your ear.

“Please... Do something right for once and make me cum,” you gritted out, craning your neck to look behind you. 

The look on Prosciutto’s face was a cross between absolutely furious and incredibly turned on. His eyes were stormy as he looked at you, holding a promise inside them. He choppily halted his pace to move you onto your side, disregarding your hands scrambling to find purchase on his strong arms. He spread your legs roughly, almost forcefully, before burying himself inside you again. Prosciutto stroked your cheek thoughtfully for a moment before landing a smack on your face. You knew that he could hit you harder, but a moan toppled out of your mouth anyhow and sent a shock of electricity down to your cunt. He leaned down close to your face, his gaze now mischievous as he thrust his hips into yours. “Do something right for once? Why don’t you do something right for once and take every fucking drop my seed I give you,” he huffed, his breath tickling your face. With a few more deep thrusts and another smack to your face, you came with a choked cry. Prosciutto’s lower stomach was sticky with how much slick you made, but it only served to make him more aroused. He followed you as faithfully as he does during a battle, cumming inside you. His eyes rolled into the back of his head, his mouth agape as he emptied himself within your warm walls. He rutted into you as he did, his instincts telling him to bury his spunk as far inside as he’s able to. He’s finally claiming you, taking you down a peg and showing you your place. 

All of the moxie you felt from earlier was drained from your body as his cum spilled from you. After Prosciutto regained his breath, he pulled out and collapsed at your side with a sigh coming deep from his chest. You weren’t exactly in a good state to find something to clean yourself with, so after you caught your breath, you nudged him in the side. “Towel, please,” you requested airily, your gaze unfocused from the lack of energy. 

Prosciutto furrowed his brow at you and looked as if he were about to say something venomous. Whatever he wanted to say, he dismissed, because after a moment he was hoisting himself to his feet. He disappeared from your field of vision and into the bathroom and you were left to your thoughts for a moment. Post-orgasm clarity was hitting you pretty strong, and you felt regret for attacking him earlier. Even if he was still genuinely pissed at you, you wanted to apologize. When he returned, his face and pelvis were clean. He handed a clean towel to you wordlessly and found his trousers laying on the ground. He fished his cigarettes from his pocket and laid next to you. Pulling the ashtray closer to him on the nightstand, he lit one and inhaled. You crinkled your nose at the smoke. His habit disgusted you and you were always verbal about it. Prosciutto caught sight of your grimace and snickered at you. “Something bothering you?” 

“You know what’s bothering me,” you said while toweling yourself off. 

After another drag or two, Prosciutto put it out as if he actually considered your feelings. You narrowed your eyes before bringing them back up to look at him. “I’m sorry for trying to beat you up earlier,” you said, your tone sheepish. Prosciutto raised his brows, surprised that you would be moved to an apology. He looked as if he didn’t know how to take it for a moment before responding. 

“It’s fine. You’re lucky you didn’t fuck up my nose too badly.” 

You could feel yourself becoming defensive, so you were quiet and put aside your pride. Picking your battles is a skill you knew that you still needed to learn. You dropped the towel beside the bed and drew closer to Prosciutto, who was laying quite far from you. Snuggling into his side, you draped your arm over his middle and made yourself comfortable. He made a soft noise of indignation before accepting your embrace. He wrapped an arm around you, holding you close to his bare chest. A fluttering heartbeat could be heard as you pressed your ear against him. While you both laid in silence, your mind wandered. Without a shadow of a doubt, you knew you’d have to omit this part of the mission from the report Risotto was bound to ask you for in the morning.

[dancingthesambaa]

The Smell of Plum Blossom Tea Ch 2

Summary: Just like a butterfly wing, a single act of kindness can change the course of the future, it certainly did for MK as a black-furred monkey put out a hand towards him.

Rating: Teen and up

Chapter 2: What’s in a Name?

It was a week since Macaque had taken MK in and to the child it has been the best week of his life. When he woke up in the mornings he didn’t have to worry about there being no food as he smelt it as soon as he opened his eyes, he could play in the forest with all the monkeys as long as Mac was there and he even had clothes that fit him instead of the same stinky shirt on days end. Everything was just wonderful.

“MK, what should we do about school?”

Or at least it was, but as soon as the monkey demon asked that question, MK's whole body deflated. “Do I have to go to school?”

“Education is important shooting star,” he said as he diced up some plants. “It helps things we don’t know and things we want to know.”

“Okay, but it is really boring, I always lose all my stuff all the time, and the teacher always explains it so weirdly,” the child pouted.

“Everyone has a different method of teaching, so you may have a method of learning as well.”

“Oohh….what does method mean?”

“It’s just another word for way.”

“Oh okay,” MK then tilts his head, “so what are you doing anyways?”

“Well right now I’m cutting up some herbs so I can use to make medicine,” he explained in simple terms as he then picked up the diced up blue plant and placed it into a cauldron and began to stir it.

“I didn’t know you could make your own medicine from home!” He leaped up and tried to poke his head over the counter to watch, “I always thought that you get it at the doctor's office.”

“Well doctors actually get it from a lab where people make the medicine there, this space here is my own lab.” He gestured to the room that was filled with all types of different ingredients all placed in a package inside of one storage cabinet and in another was a cabinet filled with modern lab equipment.

“So you don’t have to be a doctor to make medicine?”

“Well for most yeah, but for me,” he grinned as he picks up MK with one hand and placed him on his hip as he continues to stir with his other “let’s just say that I have been doing this for a little over 500 years, so I have a tad bit more experience and knowledge than regular humans.”

“Can I try?!” He excitedly asked.

“Well I don’t know, sometimes it will be a bit too dangerous for you to even be In here, which by the way, do not enter this lab unless I am here,” he sternly told him.

“Okay, okay got it, but pleaseee.”

“I don’t know, think you can handle it,” he teased.

“I’m a big boy! I can handle anything!”

“Hmmmm,” he pretended to think before conceding, “Alright you persuaded me, so I’ll allow it this once,” he said as he put the spoon down, “so first we make sure we have our safety gear on.”

“Check! Check!” MK adjusted the goggles on his eyes and showed off his long sleeve jacket and gloves.

“Next, what you have to do is go slow and make large circles.”

“Slow and large circles, got it,” he then proceeded to pick up the spoon and do what he said as he stirred.

“Good job kiddo, but how bout we make that circle a little bit bigger,” he gently grabbed MK’s hand and made it a bit wider. Soon enough the medicine's previous light yellow had transformed into a dark green.

“Look, it changed colors!” MK pointed out.

“That’s the beauty of medicine kid,” Mac grinned as he set him down, “now all I have left to do is to let this simmer for a few hours and it will be ready to be bottled up.”

“That’s a lot of medicine, is that all for you?”

The demon shook his head, “no it’s actually for one of my regular clients. His students routinely injure themselves, sometimes in the dumbest of ways, so I usually make batches of this every month.” His ears then slightly twitch as he grinned, “speaking of students, MK come here. I have someone here for you to meet.”

“Who?” He tilted his head as the monkey put a lid on a pot, proceeded to put away both of their safety gear as they left the room.

“Hey old-timer, I know your hearing isn’t that bad!” A voice yelled from down below that MK could barely hear, “come grab me, I’m carrying too much shit to climb up!”

“Someone to help,” was all Macaque said before he leaped out of the open window and less than a few seconds later, returned with a short bluenette woman in his arms. “MK this is Yanyu,” he said. “Yanyu, this is MK.”

“Uhhh, he shuffled his feet awkwardly as he gave a slight wave, “hi.”

“Awww,” she cooed at him, “it’s nice to meet you MK. You're rocking a pretty cool shirt there.” She pointed to his solar system shirt, “it’s really far out man.”

There was a pause as MK stuttered out a thank you and Macaque put his face in his hands.

“That was terrible, I hope you know that,” he groaned.

“That’s what you say, I know my puns are rockin my world,” she smirked at the louder groans.

“Please stop, I beg you.”

“Then beg.”

“Are you human?” MK bluntly asked, which made the two pause.

“Strangely enough that isn’t the first time I was asked that, but yes I am fully human. Though a small percentage of me is most likely full of crazy,” she grinned widely.

“I think you have those backward,” he muttered and didn’t even flinch when she elbowed his stomach. “So your probably wondering why she’s here right?”

“Uhhh yeah,” he nodded.

“Well, I have come to the realization that despite my many years with humans, I have never actually taken care of a human child outside of giving them medication.”

“Which he means that he knows not a single thing about taking care of you tiny ones,” Yanyu butted in as she crossed her arms, “and this is where I come in.”

“Oh well that’s good...I think?” MK didn’t exactly know what she meant, but since they said it’s a good thing, he feels like he doesn’t have any complaints.

“Oh trust me, it will be,” she said as she put down the bag and it was filled with books when she opened it up. “I may be a big sister of five, but even I can admit that I don’t know everything, so I brought some parenting books, nutrition, school, and a lot more.”

He couldn’t help but deflate slightly at the last word, which the bluenette noticed.

“Don’t like school?”

“Not really, it's just that I can’t stay focused sometimes,” he admitted as he lowered his head.

“Hey now,” Mac kneeled and ruffled his head, “you don’t have to feel shame for being distracted sometimes.”

“Hmm, well if you have troubles with traditional school classrooms, then how about you try online schooling?” Yanyu said.

“Online school?” MK tilted his head.

“I didn’t know it was also available for the younger grades, I thought it was only for the college classes like you had,” he admitted as he used his feet to pick up one of the parenting books.

“Nah, it was incorporated for all years a few years back. It certainly helped a lot of students out and one of them being me,” she proudly pointed a finger to herself, “let me tell you, kid, it was the second-best decision to do online school. Made my life so much easier.”

“What was the first?” He curiously asked.

Yanyu walked over to Macaque and patted him on the shoulder, “begging this ol doc here to take me on as a student. It was the cheapest and most informative learning I ever had since high school.”

“Student? You were a teacher!” MK's eyes widened as he looked at the monkey demon.

“Kinda, though I did question my sanity during those times,” he said as he flipped through the pages.

“Oh shut up, if it wasn’t for me you would still know squat about technology.”

“I wasn’t that bad.”

“You were still using the Jiaguwen system when I first met you.”

He winced, “okay yeah you got me there.”

“Anywho, it’s gonna be a right pleasure working with you MK,” she held out a fist bump to him, “we’re gonna see a lot of each other.”

MK looked at the outstretched fist and gave a little grin as he fist-bumped her hand.

“Boom,” Yanyu made an exploding sound as she opened her fist when the two parted.

He looked at her strangely.

“Don’t worry Starbright, she’s just weird like that,” Mac patted his head.

“Hey!”

A few months have passed and MK has taken to online schooling like a fish to water. He found it much better to concentrate and while there were still a few issues over understanding the problem itself, he had the help of both Macaque and Yanyu. The last one herself was helping him with his writing.

“The girl is walking to the market by the river to get milk for her mother,” MK repeated to himself as he finished writing.

“Congratulations kid, you have finally graduated from Yoda writing to a regular language,” she gave him a little applause.

“Thank you, thank you you're too kind,” he also jumped out of his seat to give a mock bow.

“But for real kid, you have really approved with your writing,” she gave him a high five, “nice job.”

“I couldn’t have done it without you both,” he scratched the back of his neck.

“I know that you would have been just fine even without our help and I know your dad would agree.”

“Really!” Then MK realized what she said and backtracked as he flailed his arms about, “Wait dad?! I mean dad is kinda a big word and he just adopted me, so he probably doesn’t even see me as a son, more like a responsibility he has to take care-,” he was stopped by a hand gently covering his mouth.

“Whoa there little monkey easy, I can’t keep up that fast,” she lightly teased as she put her hand down, “now you want to tell me what that was all about?”

“Well,” he sat down and kicked his feet, “I-its just-I don’t really-.”

“Take your time,” the bluenette said.

“Well,” he twisted his hands “is it okay if someone-and I don’t mean me just someone I know-don’t call mom and dad, well, mom and dad.”

“Yeah,” she said easily.

“Wait really?” He was a little more than shocked at how easy she said that.

“Really. You, or my bad that person you know, don’t feel comfortable or don’t want to call their parents so that they don’t have to.”

“But they gave birth to me-I mean that person and they raised them, so shouldn’t they have that name?” He tried to insist but was shut down by her shaking her head.

“They don’t keep that name if they harm the child, no parent ever deserves that kind of title if they purposely try to bring harm to their child. It is wrong,” she stated.

“Oh...and what about those that do?” He shyly said, both knowing what he was implying but not saying it out loud.

“Then you say it when your ready,” Yanyu simply said.

“I don’t think it’s that easy?”

“No, but what is?”

MK just shrugged his shoulders.

“Now how about we put away this stuff for ten more minutes before we get into history,” she pushed away from the materials and made sure the laptop was charged up.

“Yes!” He fist-bumped the air as he then spotted the pencil on the ground and tried to pick it up with his feet.

Yanyu had to press her lips together to fight against the bubbling laugh in her throat as she watched MK struggle to pick the pencil with the socks on his feet.

“Oi bastard I need a little help ova here!” A rough voice yelled out as it was followed by a loud bang, which led to the eight year old flailing off his bed.

“How many times have I told you to stop that?” He heard Macaque's familiar voice being annoyed.

“Too many times to count,” another softer voice replied.

“But you think that gunna sticka?” The third voice laughed out loud. “That’s a laugh!”

MK slowly opened his door and crept quietly to the living room as the voices got louder.

“I guess it is too much to ask you to be quiet for once?” The monkey deadpanned.

“Now why would I do that?” The first voice said.

It was at this point that MK managed to poke his head into the living room and saw three different demons, he knows they are demons this time, and his da-Macaque.

There was one whose skin was dark brown, but lighter above the shoulders. The more he looked, the more he could see that they were actually feathers all along the body, and instead of hands, they had clawed bird-like feet and two large black wings protruding from the back.

Another one was softly glowing a light blue hue that matched the pale blue skin as the creature was gently floating just a smidge above the ground. They had almost a mushroom-shaped hat covering their eyes and dozens of dark blue and purple strings attached all around the bottom of the hat as they hung just above the demon feet.

The final one is something that MK could clearly tell what it was as he had seen a bunny before, though this one was way larger than the other bunnies he had ever seen. The demon had pure gray fur and large white fluffy paws, if he wasn’t so nervous right now he would ask to pet them.

“Well I was hoping that you would have kept it down for the kid that is currently living with me right now,” he cracked a smirk at their frozen faces.

“Huh?” They all said in unison.

“Speaking of kids, you can come out MK. Don’t worry bout them too much, they ain’t harmful, just insane.”

At the prompting MK slowly shuffled into the living room and he saw three heads swivel towards him.

“Uhhh hi,” he gave a little wave.

“You have a kid?!?” They all shouted either loudly or softly.

“It’s not that big of a shock,” he grumbled as he walked over to the child and threaded his fingers through his hair. “Sorry, these knuckleheads woke you up.”

“I know I have not been gone that long for you to have a chick without me knowin!” The female bird demon squawked as her feathers puffed up in indignation.

“Nah, adopted him a few months back.”

“And you didn’t tell us?!” The bunny huffed as they thumped his foot in agitation.

“Nope,” he grinned as he watched their growing frustration.

“There are times where you are the best of us and times you are the worst of us, I don’t know which one this falls under,” the mushroom head demon groaned as one of the strings was massaging the top of his head.

“Are they your friends?” MK loudly whispered to the monkey demon.

“I don’t claim these lunatics,” he bluntly said.

“I think you mean to say that we are your amazing, wonderful, fantastic friends that you hold dear,” the bunny demon pointed out as they put an arm around his shoulder.

“I was forced into this,” Macaque said as a wing wrapped around the two of them.

“Ah just admit that you have a soft fuzzy heart for us,” the bird demon grinned.

“Not even when my bones decay away.”

MK just blinked at the unprompted scene as he saw the glowing blue demon approach him.

“Sorry about my companions, they can be a little much sometimes,” he smiled softly to him.

“It’s fine, you're not the only ones who make a loud entrance,” he thought back to the times Yanyu would kick the door open when she walked in.

“I suppose not,” the demon then held out one of his arms to the child, making sure his tentacles were out of the way, “my name is Bohai little one.”

“I’m MK,” he smiled back and shook his hand.

“Oh, we’re doing introductions?! Well, I’m Daiyu chicky,” the female demon grinned or at least that's what he thought she was doing with her scarred beak.

“I’m Minsheng,” the bunny demon twitched their nose and gave a toothy grin, “you're so small that you remind me of my siblings when they were born.”

“How many siblings do you have?” He curiously asked.

“Pfft older or younger? I stopped counting after we reached the 200s,” they laughed.

His eyes widened, “over 200! That’s a lot of brothers and sisters.”

“Well, you know how bunnies are.”

Before MK could question that he felt two furry hands cover his ears.

“How about we don’t talk about that to a kid who has probably never had a crush before,” Macaque hissed to the bunny who had their hands held up.

“He’ll learn eventually.”

“But I would rather have that explained to him by literally anyone but you.”

“Fair enough.”

“Anyways,” the monkey took his hands off MK’s ears, “what were you screeching about earlier?”

“Oh well I got a bit nicked with some of dem cretins after a territory dispute you know how it is and,” Daiyu turned around and showed her back...which had a few knives sticking out of it. “I got a bit scratched up in the tussle.”

“At least you had the sense not to take it out,” he couldn’t help but sigh. “You at least win?”

“Who do ya think your talkin to?” She proudly puffed up her feathers.

“And people say I have too much pride, you damn vultures take the cake,” Macaque rolled his eyes as the two of them walked towards the infirmary room.

“You say that as if you never met Flicker before,” she chortled.

“Well there’s a stark difference between you two.”

“Wha that?”

“He actually has a brain.”

“Hey!” She attempted to pull his dangling fur, but he ducked away in time.

“Can I stay up a little longer!” The seven year old asked before the door could shut.

“Only for a little bit, but when I get back it’s straight to bed.” He answered back and then the door closed.

“Thank you!” He called out regardless as he fully knew that he could hear him.

“And that’s the whole lot of us kid, we're only half as insane as curly made us out to be '' Minsheng joked.

“Almost all of us,” the jellyfish demon said.

“Who you? Ha! Hate to break it to you, but the last time you lost your patience was when they didn’t make your starfish the way you wanted and you paralyzed the entire cooking staff.”

“You didn’t have to bring that up, but no not me,” he waved one of his tendrils. “I meant Ahmed.”

“I didn’t include him in the first place because that man does not even classify as insane,” he bluntly said. “He has the patience of a monk to deal with our brand of insanity which, in hindsight, is insane itself.”

“Whose Ahmed?” MK asked, “is he another friend of d-Mac?”

The two looked at each other before Baiyu spoke, “yeah, he’s a friend of Macaque.”

“Ouch, that’s a low blow for poor Med,” they grinned then winced as a tendril shocked their arm. “What? You know I’m right.”

“You know as well as I do that he can still hear you.”

“I’ve been craving death anyways,” they then turned back to the kid, “so you want to hear some crazy stories about your old man.”

Needless to say that Mac had tackled the bunny demon to the ground, with two violet glowing escrima sticks in hand, in the middle of their story on how the fierce monkey demon had to dance his way across a road of hot coal as he tried to outrun an angry herd of demon pheasant while wearing a rather beautiful kimono.

Macaque was reading out on the patio when his ears twitched as he heard a soft whimpering coming from MK’s room. He put the book on the table when he walked in and safely crept his way over his room and like many times before MK was crying in his sleep from a nightmare once more.

“It’s okay shooting star,” he gently began to thread his fingers through MK’s hair, “it's just a bad dream. You will be fine.”

At first, it didn't have any effect, but the longer he talked the softer the whimpers began to die down and the kid's eyes softly began to blink open.

“W-what's goin on?” He hoarsely said as he rubbed his eyes as he realized that he wasn’t dreaming anymore.

“You just had a bad dream kid,” he hummed as he continued stroking his hair.

“Oh.”

“Want to talk about it?” He received a firm shake of his head, “that’s okay, do you want to lie back down, sing, water, or want me to give you a little shadow puppet show?”

“Shadow show please,” he muffled out as he gripped tighter onto the blanket.

“One show coming right up,” he used a shadow clone to bring back a lantern as the room began to softly glow. When all was set Macaque began his tale in a low voice, “There once was an old man who lived in a shack.” He used some of his shadows to show a picture of an elderly man and wooden shack, “he was nothing special, did nothing extraordinary, and his life was simply normal. Until one day he happens upon the most peculiar thing.”

He continued to tell the tale of the old man even when he, unknowingly, had wrapped his tail around his child’s hand and MK, who was slowly drifting off into a deep slumber, held a tight grip upon it.

MK was currently sitting on the edge of a large lake as he kicked his feet in the water. He was alone at the moment as the monkey demon was tending to the plants that he needs for various medicines. The lake itself was a beautiful view filled with lily pads, reeds standing tall in the crystal lake, fishes and herons swimming in the water. Though he was trying to guess what that large dark shape was, it was nothing he has ever seen before.

“Hmmm I don’t think it’s a fish...maybe a duck?” He leaned in to get a better look and noticed. “Or maybe a turtle!”

The shape shifted as it appeared to be getting bigger and bigger as MK now noticed that he had never seen a turtle with long arms and claws before. He then saw there was long string hair upon what he thinks is its head until suddenly it disappeared and was replaced with two beady eyes. His heart dropped when the creature opened its mouth to reveal countless rows of sharp, pointed teeth. Then it began to rapidly swim towards him.

MK, frightened, fell on his back as he tried to crawl away, but it failed as the creature burst out of the water and onto the ground merely a foot away from him.

He let out a piercing scream, “DDAAADDDDD!”

At the same time the creature, with his mouth wide, said “hi there human child!”

“What?” He abruptly stopped his screaming right as an ominous force suddenly filled up the area as MK then felt two familiar hands scoop him up and hold him close as the voice spoke almost lowly.

“What happe-oh it’s just you,” Macaque let the pressure go back to normal once he realized that there wasn’t a true threat that was trying to attack his kid.

“Bwahahaha,” the creature let out a bellowing laugh, “sorry sorry. I must have scared your youngin.”

“No!” MK instantly said, but then he wilted and nodded, “just a bit.”

“Sorry about that little child, I just get a bit excited when a new face comes around my lake and all,” the webbed creature gave a toothy grin. “I know I startled the pant off Minzhe when I first met him.”

“Your lake? You live here?” MK, after being let down, carefully tried to examine the waters closer.

“Right on the mark, since being a Shui Gui and all.”

“Shui Gui,” he drawled out as he thought about that familiar name.

“Or Kappa, our damn naming changes so often that at this point I just go with the flow.”

“Oh! I know what a Shui Gui is!” MK brightened as he began to tell what his...mom used to tell him. “Aren’t they vengeful demons that have drowned and are bent on dragging helpless victims underwater, drowning them and finally eating their...flesh to…to...” his face took on a look of horror as he realized what he just blurted out. “I am so sorry!”

Luckily though the two demons chuckled, or at least Macaque did as the Kappa was holding his stomach. Though this did make MK’s face flush in embarrassment, he should be glad that the demon wasn’t angry, but he didn’t find any humor in what he said.

“Well I’ll give you credit,” Kappa said as his laughter died down, “what you said was mostly true, except I’m not a demon, just a ghost.”

“And let’s be clear he hasn't eaten people since two-maybe three millenniums ago,” the monkey demon intruded as he knew what MK was gonna ask next.

“You humans have become much too stringy for my taste,” he joked, but it served the opposite purpose as the small child paled even further.

“And this is why your only friend is an adrenaline junkie who has a taste for his own death,” Mac deadpanned as he soothed MK down.

After his heart stopped thrumming in his ears the human managed to look up at his guardian and his eyes widened as he noticed that Macaque suddenly had three pairs of different colored ears: red, blue, and purple. “When did you get three ears?!”

“You just now noticed?” He raised an eyebrow.

“Did you have them all this time?!?!!”

“Not all the time, but I do when it’s quiet usually.”

“Cooolll!” He attempted to climb the monkey to get a better look, “Is this how you're able to hear things from so far away?”

“Yeah,” he lets him examine his ears as only his eye minuscule twitch when MK accidentally pulls it too hard. “Be careful now, only have three pairs of them you know.”

“Right, sorry.” He apologized as he became gentler with his touches. He couldn’t help but gently drag his fingers through the oddly pointed ears and he smiled, now he understood why some of Mac's clients called him the Six-Eared Macaque. He eventually got down and faced the spirit once more, who was just looking at the two of them with amusement. “I’m real sorry for screaming at you.”

“Water under the bridge young child,” he waved him off, “least you apologize for it. I know that half the ones in these woods won’t even say sorry for ramming into you.”

“There’s more of you?” He tried to look in the lake, but he was once again met with only fish and water.

“Me specifically no, but spirits, demons, and other whatnot. Oh yeah there's hundreds of them dwelling in this here forest.”

“Wowww,” his eyes sparkled, “so does that mean that we are all neighbors.”

It was stunned silence before the Shun Gui began laughing once more as he bends down, “PFFTHAHAHA!”

“Did I say something funny?” MK looked towards Mac who was pinching his nose once more.

“No, he’s just obnoxious, that’s all.”

“You know what I like you kid, yeah we’re all neighbors, man even Ping would get a laugh out of this,” the water spirit said after his laughter died down. “Welcome to the neighborhood MK!”

“Thanks...umm what’s your name again?” He embarrassedly asked as he realized that he never got a name throughout this whole interaction.

“Oh here we go,” Mac sighed as he got comfortable and plucked up a Ravenna grass and began to chew on it. He grimaced as he realized that he had plucked up a weed again.

“Eh, you can call me Kappa if you want, don’t care for the whole naming thing,” he shrugged as he got back in the lake and laid there.

“Why not?” He curiously followed him.

“Why should I?” He shot back with a grin.

“Huh?”

“Why should I care for my name? It’s my name and I can do whatever I want with it, so I just choose not to care.”

“But don’t you like your name,” he was very confused about how this conversation came about.

“Oh I do, but truth be told, most of the time I forget others' names, so one day I just thought ‘you know what, what if I just don't use my name all the time’ and I didn't,” he finger gunned at the blank face child.

“You're kinda weird,” he bluntly told Kappa.

“I’m sorry,” Mac spoke up in disbelief, “You met a trio of lunatic demons that are a hot mess in general, an insane human who likes to add too much ghost jalapeño to her food, one of my clients who have their organs outside of their body and this is where you draw the line of weird?”

“I just wanted to know his name!” He threw his hands up.

“Just whatever is fine,” he laughed.

“Well fine! Your name is Whatever now!” He said in a fit of frustration before he realized what he said, “wait! I didn’t mean-,”

“Pfthahaha!” The spirit once more threw his head back in laughter.

“...what is even happening,” MK deadpanned.

“Welcome to my life Starchild,” Mac said as he ruffled his hair.

“That’s an interesting one, alright Whatever it is then,” he gave him a toothy grin.

“Wha-no please no,” MK almost begged him. “I didn’t-,”

“Nope too late, I won’t respond to anything else but Whatever from you. Hope to see you around short stack, you really know how to bring a laugh to a vengeful spirit face,” he let out a bark of a laugh before diving down deep into the lake.

MK blinked for a few moments before turning to Macaque, “is he really gonna-,”

“Oh yeah he is only gonna respond by that name,” he cut him off, “called him a Kappa once to his face and that slimy frog hasn’t let go since.”

“...I think I want to go back home dad,” said MK as he leaned into his fur. “I think I’m done for the day.”

Macaque’s breath hitched as he then gave him a gentle smile and scooped him up in his arms. “Yeah, I think I am as well.” And with that, the two mentally exhausted people made their way back to their warm home.

MK, who proudly turned nine as of a few months ago, was playing in an arcade as his dad was grocery shopping. He stuck out his tongue as he attempted to repeatedly punch the monster in Monkey Mech, but he keeps getting beaten right before he can land the final punch. He mused up his short ponytail out of frustration that was held by a red ribbon, “Oh man! I swear this guy cheats, alright seventeen times the charm.”

“I thought it was the third time the charm?” He turns around at the voice and sees a pigtail girl around his age looking at him.

“It is, but I lost sixteen other times, so this time I will win,” he confidently said as he put another token in, and just like before he lost. “I almost had it!”

“Move over,” the girl pushed him aside and took over the controls, “let me show you how to really play.”

MK's jaw dropped when the Winner title popped up after she managed to land the final triple axel uppercut to the enemy. “How’d you do that?!”

“Oh just a lot of practice, and searching online, to find the right moves to slain the beast,” she bragged.

He went down on his knees and bowed to her, “oh teach me your ways oh wise one.”

“You may refer to me as Master Mei,” she deepened her voice to sound elderly, “and who shall I call my young student.”

“Call me MK,” he followed along with glee, he hasn’t played with a kid his age in so long.

“Well then let me show you the ways of Monkey Mech,” and with that the two proceeded to play the game, playfully pushing each other as they double battled in a co-op mode. It wasn’t until a few hours had passed, and they had long passed Monkey Mech and went into all the different kinds of games in the arcade when MK noticed the digital clock behind the counter.

“Aww man, it’s getting late,” he pouted as he didn’t want to end, “I have to meet up with dad.”

“Awww,” Mei's shoulder slumped as they walked to the prize area, “that sucks.”

“Yeah,” he slumped his shoulder, as well as the two, looked through the prizes available, which did brighten the mood a bit as Mei left with a strange mutated stuffed dog that had three eyes, a few pieces of candy, and three bouncy balls, while MK was sucking on a swirly lollipop, pieces of chocolate in his pocket, and a sticky hand sling that he is slinging everywhere.

“So you like racing?” MK asked as they left the arcade, besides the Monkey Mech he noticed that Mei tended to go to the racing games more often.

“Yes! One day I will have my own motorcycle and I will be faster than anyone, even the Monkey King!” Mei declared.

“Even the Monkey King? Wow that is fast,” he said in awe, he read the story of the Journey to the West from the library. He was quickly enamored with the story the more he read and he soon began to idolize the great Monkey King. To think that such a being could ever exist in the first place was amazing! He did find it funny that the great Monkey King rival was named Macaque, it was hilarious to think that his dad could ever have powers to fight on equal standing with a god-like immortal. Grumpy? Sure! Easy annoyed? Oh yeah definitely, but scary? Ha! The scariest thing Dad has ever done was glare at his patients when they were being too noisy, but for some reason it always works as they shrink back in fear. He mentioned it to Yanyu and the demon gang one time and well-

“HAHAHAH/PFFTTTTT/SQUAK SQUAWK SQUAAAKK/SHEHEHEH,” Yanyu was rolling all over the floor as Minsheng was banging his feet, Daiyu was slamming the table with her wings, and Bohai was using all his tentacles to wrap himself.

-they burst out laughing when he mentioned this to them. He still hasn’t gotten a full answer for that one, all they told him was to wait.

“I wonder how far that can go?” Mei curiously asked as she watched the green sling attach itself on the top of the door that they were exiting.

“Not far, how high can your bouncy ball bounce?” He asked as he then watched her bounce the ball and saw it soar a bit high above their heads.

“Not that high either...how about we combine them,” she gave a mischievous grin as MK followed suit as he used his sticky sling and attached it to the ball.

“One,” Mei started.

“Two,” MK raised his hand in mid-air.

“Thr-”

“Ready to go kid.”

“AH!” They screamed and watched the sling and ball slip from his hand and instead of bouncing, it was thrown in Mac's face, who easily caught it.

“Not the first time I had something thrown at me,” he didn’t even blink at the outburst, though he did take a second glance at the other child next to his son, “though your new, made a friend Stardust.”

“Her name is Mei!” MK excitedly said though it didn’t look like Mei was paying attention to him at all as her focus was all on Macaque, or more specifically, his head.

“What?” The monkey demon raised an eyebrow.

“You have the longest hair I have ever seen,” her eyes sparkled as she instantly zoomed behind him and started to pull on his fur. “Can I braid it?!”

“It’s actually fur,” he corrected her.

“Can I still put it in a braid?”

“Sure.”

“Then I don’t care!” She happily proclaimed and pointed to one of the benches. “Sit.”

“...” he looked towards his kid who just shrugged his shoulders, “well I guess this is happening,” he sighed as he got a clone to take the rest of their groceries back home.

Needless to say that Mei very much enjoyed putting the demon fur in a messy, but still manageable, braid.

“You know if I had some Morning glories, they would look amazing in your hair,” she mused.

“You know their weeds right?” He pointed out.

“So? They look awesome.”

“You got me there.”

“There!” She proudly finished her creation with her green ribbon tied up at the end, “you have very fluffy hair.”

“Fur,” he once more corrected her.

“Eh fur, hair there the same thing,” she turned back from the monkey and to MK with a nervous smile, “you will definitely come back right? I haven’t finished playing all the arcade games with you.”

MK looks towards his dad with puppy dog eyes and Mei easily follows suit.

“You know those don’t work on me right,” he deadpanned and smirked at their hanging heads, “but yeah, I’ll drop him off from time to time.”

“Yes!” They both jump up in cheer, only for some of their candy to fall out and onto the floor.

“My babies!” MK rushed to pick up his pieces of semi-melted chocolate.

“Noooo!” Mei quickly began to grab as many of her jawbreakers as it rolled away.

Macaque watched them in amusement at their mad scramble to save their sugar fix.

[lancelotdeservedbetter]

a lot of people in the notes of this post are saying Will and Gwaine would have been friends and those people are absolutely right here's my thoughts on that:

- we know Gwaine subscribes to havoc as a lifestyle but Will doesn't necessarily aim for chaos he just does what he likes. this makes them a hazard to society and Arthur's waking nightmare. They make a Leon wig so Will can pretend to be him and undo all of Arthur's orders that he doesn't like. Will goes with Gwaine on patrol so he can secretly free prisoners that want to kill Arthur. just to keep things interesting.

- one day Will finds out Gwaine is technically a noble and acts like its the betrayal of the century. fuck whatever Mordred and Arthur have going on, this is a million times worse. Will forgives him after a week when he realises he can get Gwaine to do pretty much anything and say it's a peasant rite of passage and this goes on for days with Merlin and Gwen's compliance until Percival takes pity on Gwaine after finding him buried in dirt up to his neck

Percival: whatcha doing there buddy?

Gwaine, who's been trodden on twice now: it's a farmer rite of passage, i grow out of the dirt like the crops they farm, will told me. its an honour.

- sometimes Will will be telling a Merlin story and forget that Gwaine doesn't know about his magic and panics to come up with an excuse

Gwaine: wow!! how did he do that?

Will: uhhh

Merlin, the next day storming up to Will and covered in mud and leaves: why the FUCK did you tell Gwaine i could fly???

- knowing his usual conflict resolution methods would most likely end in public execution, Will decides instead to make the most of how easy it is to stress Arthur out. Gwaine is on board of course and together they go out of their way to meet with every single visiting royal ten minutes before arthur greets them and convince them to pretend to declare war on Arthur. it has worked way more times than it should. Arthur catches on eventually but this backfires when someone actually declares war on him and Arthur starts yelling at Will and Gwaine.

King of somewherelseland: i'm here to announce that i think you and your council are shit. my army will be here tomorrow.

Arthur, at the top of his lungs: JESUS FUCKING CHRIST. THE TWO OF YOU ARE STILL DOING THIS? IT'S NOT EVEN FUNNY!

Will: it's hilarious but i do feel like i should tell you that-

Arthur: NO! I DONT WANT TO HEAR IT! DO NOT SAY ANYTHING! I HAVE HAD IT UP TO HERE WITH YOU!

Gwaine: ok but we didn't actually do anything this time

Arthur, going very pale: you what

the king is so confused that he just tells them to forget about it and runs away and tells his men not to go to Camelot because the people there are insane

- Gwaine desperately tries to convince Will to become a knight but Will maintains that he would rather eat a human foot. desperate, Gwaine appears in his house one day with a foot

Gwaine, frantically squirting ketchup on the foot: now will you be a knight?

Will: i have so many questions that i know i dont want to hear the answers to. also you have severely misunderstood. that is not how this works

Will eventually compromises and comes to a training session. much to Arthur's frustration, he beats several knights because his fighting style is less swords and honour and more move bitch get out the way shoving.

- they have an ongoing game called 'how many petty crimes can we commit in front of Arthur without getting caught'. Unfortunately, Arthur is stupid and doesn't seem to notice unless they steal people's clothes and wear them in front of him, so this becomes the main objective. Arthur is semi-aware of this but doesn't have enough evidence to punish either of them. the closest they've come to being rumbled is when Gwaine wears Morgana's green dress to a council meeting

Arthur: stealing! that is definitely stealing!

Gwaine: sounds like somebody's jealous i can pull this off and he cant

Arthur: Morgana please back me up

Morgana, thoroughly enjoying how much this annoys Arthur: on what? i've never seen this dress before in my life.

- Gwaine keeps trying to get Will to grow his hair out so that he can plait it then tries to plait it anyway when he says no. Will swats away him to begin with but after he doesn't stop he cuts off Gwaine's hair while he's asleep. Gwaine is much angrier than anticipated so Will panics and pulls an Uther

Gwaine: who did this i will kill them i swear to god somebody is going to die tonight

Will, realising there's a pretty good chance Gwaine will fling him out of a high window: it must be sorcery! evil and not requiring any explanation! well that's settled let's never speak of it again-

Gwaine, sword drawn and hissing at the door: the bastards who did this must pay

Will, sweating buckets and blood pressure through the roof goes to Merlin

Will: Merlin this is it. this is how i die

Merlin: it's cool i have like three guys you can pin this on that are all very annoying. wait no he would murder them brutally for this. have you heard of nimueh?

Will: didn't you kill her?

Merlin: yeah well Gwaine doesn't know much about ghosts and i'm fairly certain we can convince him she did this

in conclusion:

[everywherealinagoes]

[ BRIGHTWOOD CHALLENGE 02 ]

1: How high is your libido? Like. High. 

2: Rough sex or soft sex? Both are cool. 

3: Do you have any unusual kinks/fetishes? Hmmmm. I don’t think so. They’re all pretty standart. 

4: Weirdest place you’ve had sex? Staff room of a fancy restaurant. 

5: Favourite sex position? Oh, I got a lot of favorites. 

6: Do you like to be dominant or submissive? I guess it depends who I am with and on the day. I like both. 

7: Have you ever had any one night stands? Yep. Some. 

8: Sex on the bed, couch or the floor? And on the counter and on the wall. And like, let’s test out the furniture. 

9: Have you ever had sex in a public place? Not sex. But I’ve done the whole remote controled vibe thingy. 

10: Have you ever been caught masturbating? Nope. 

11: What does your favorite sexy underwear look like?  It’s a red set of lacy lingerie. Pretty cute. 

12: How often do you have sex? I wish it could be an everyday thing. 

13: Is there anybody right now you’d like to have sex with? Hmmm, yeah. 

14: Do you prefer giving or receiving oral sex? Oh, both. 

15: Most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to you during sex? I fell from the bed once. On my ass. 

16: A song you’d listen to during hard/rough/kinky sex? Needed Me by Rihanna. 

17: A song you’d listen to during soft/slow/passionate sex? buy me diamons by Bea Miller.  

18: Are you into dressing up for sex? Yeah. I could do that. 

19: Would you prefer sex in the bath or sex in the shower? Both are nice, but I prefer the bath. 

20: If you could have sex with anyone right now, who would it be? Daria R-- Just about anyone cute.

21: Have you ever had a threesome? If not, would you? I have, yeah. Would totes do it again. 

22: Do you/would you use sex toys? I do and I would. 

23: Have you ever sent someone a dirty text/picture? I have. But it’s been a while. Would love to get some too. 

24: Would you have sex with your best friend? No. Ew. Horrible. Big no.

25: Is there anything you do after sex? (for example, smoke, eat, drink)? Eat sweets. Like cake. Usually. 

26: Something that will never fail to get you horny? Sexting. 

27: Early morning sex or late night sex? I prefer late night. I kinda like to sleep too. 

28: Favourite body part on the opposite sex? Thighs. 

29: Favourite body part on the same sex? Lower back. 

30: Something that you have hidden in your room that you don’t want anyone to find? I mean. It’s hidden for a reason? 

31: Weirdest sexual act some has performed [or tried to perform] on/with you? A guy once tried to get food into the mix. Not my thing. 

32: Have you ever tasted yourself? [If no, would you?] [If yes, what did you think?] Yep. Not bad. I mean, it happened the first time a girl ate me out. So I was worrying about other stuff. 

33: Is it ever okay to not use a condom? I mean. You gotta know what might happen. 

34: A food that you would like to use during a sexual experience? Zero food. None. 

35: Worst possible time to get horny? Family dinners. 

36: Do you like it when your sexual partner moans? Oh, yeah. For sure.

37: What is the most amount of times you’ve ever orgasmed in a day? Seven.

38: Best sexual complement you ever got: That I was the best they had ever slept with. 

39: Favorite foreplay activities: Dirty talk, touching, kissing. Teasing. 

40: What do you wear to bed? A t-shirt and panties. 

41: What is your biggest turn off? Disrespect. 

42: Do you have any nude/masturbating pictures/video of yourself? Yep. I do. 

43: Have you ever/when was the last time you had sex outside? I have, yeah. The last time though... It wasn’t long ago.

44: Have/would you ever have sex in public? Yep.

45: Have/would you ever had a threesome? Yep.

46: What is one random object you’ve used to masturbate? A pillow.

47: What is your favorite type of porn? Amature.

48: Do you like oral sex? (why/why not) Yep. Love it. It feels great. 

49: How do you feel about tattoos on someone you are interested in? I think they lookd badass. 

50: How would you feel about taking someones virginity? Uhhh. I hope I can give them a good time? 

51: Is there any food you would NOT recommend using during a sexual encounter? Oh, like any of them. But if you must, stay away from honey. 

52: Would you rather be a pornstar or a prostitute? If I had to choose... Prostitute. 

53: Do you watch porn? Yeah. 

54: Have you ever been called a freak? Why? I don’t think so. 

55: Do you feel comfortable going “commando”? Yes!

56: Would you have a problem with going down on someone if they hadn’t shaved their pubic hair? Nah, no. That wouldn’t be a problem. 

57: If you could give yourself head, would you? Like, if I met past Alina or something like that? I don’t think so. Weird. 

58: Booty or Boobs? Boobs.

59: Have you ever cheated on someone? (Why?) I’ve never dated for real, so no. 

60: What is your dirtiest sexual fantasy? Hmmm. I guess sometimes a girl just wants to be bent over something and fucked, you know. 

61: have you ever watched someone masturbate? I have, yeah. 

62: has anyone ever watched you masturbate? Someone has. 

63. Have you ever had an erection and someone noticed? Oh, not possible. But I’ve gotten wet at several places and no one noticed. That I know of. 

64. What is your method of masturbation? (ie. toys, clitorial, prostate) Clitorial most of the time. 

65. What is your bra/penis size? My bra size is I have no idea. Small? 

66. What is the strangest thing you have ever put up your vagina/anus? Nothing strange or weird, I think. 

67. When was the last time you masturbated? This morning. 

68. When was the last time you had sex? This week. 

69. When was the last time you watched porn? Oh. Monday night. 

70. Have you ever bought a sex toy? If so, which one did you buy last? First sex toy? If not, which one do you plan on buying when you do? I have bought some. The one I bought last was a wand. The fist one I bought was a bullet. 

71. Circumcised? Whatever. 

72. Which not-genital part of your body do you like being touched? Inner thighs. 

73. Which genital part of your body do you like being touched? I mean? The clit? 

74. Are you able to achieve orgasm just through breast stimulation? I don’t think so. But worth the shot. 

75. Have you anonymously sent a sexual ask to someone? Yes. :P 

76. When was the last time you have had a wet dream? Monday. 

77. Which wet dream was your favorite? Oh, like all of them. 

78. Is there a friend you would willingly have sex with? Any friend but the best friends.

79. Is there a celebrity/character you would willingly have sex with? Yeah, there are some.

80. Favorite sexual position? Let’s go with doggy. 

81. Do you like being called a slut or whore in bed? I don’t mind. 

82. Are you into any BDSM? Yep. 

83. Have you ever wanted to have sex with someone but knew you couldnt for any reason? Why? Yeah, I mean. Not everyone is on the mood all the time? 

84. Do you like dirty talk? Yep.

85. Are you loud or quiet during sex? Masturbation? It depends. I’ve been told both. 

86. Have you ever been interrupted during sex or masturbation? Who/what? I have. Remember that restaurant staff room? 

87. What kind of porn do you like to watch? Amature. 

88. Have you ever confessed to someone that you got an erection over them? What about masturbated to them? I don’t think I have? 

89. Have you ever masturbated because your sexual partner wasn’t there when you needed them? Yep. 

90. Have you ever had a one night stand? Do you still keep in contact with them? I have. And I don’t think I have his number. 

91. Have you ever had a friends with benefits? Are they still beneficial? Yep. And yep. 

92. Any kinks you’ve always wanted to try but haven’t? I’d like to try a lot of stuff again. 

93. How should someone who is interested in sleeping with you approach the topic? Just let me know.

94. What are your absolute no-nos in bed? No bathroom stuff. And if you think there’s anything I’m not into, just ask. 

95. How do you feel about quickies? Cool.

96. Have you ever tried roleplay in bed? Would you? I have and I’d try it again.

97. Describe the best orgasm you’ve ever had. What were you doing? Alone or with someone else? What made it so good? Hmmm. I wasn’t alone. It was great because there had been a lot of edging going on, so pretty intense shit. 

98. Have you ever filmed yourself while masturbating or having sex? Yep, I have. 

99. Lights on or lights off? Whatever. 

100. What would you like to do more of in bed? Like. Sex? 

[pearlchu]

Answer all “NSFW ASKS”

1:When did you lose your virginity?

I was 18, it was awkward and weird and blegh

2: Rough sex or soft sex?

Rough but I love both tbh

3: Do you have any unusual kinks/fetishes?

A lot. BDSM, toys (vibrators, dildos, straps, etc), anal, knife play, any power play or power dynamic driven thing, impact play, choking, slapping, etc etc

4: Weirdest place you’ve had sex?

A haunted hotel

5: Favourite sex position?

Doggy, missionary, or prone-bone

6: Do you like to be dominant or submissive?

I’m 100% a submissive

7: Have you ever had any one night stands?

Nope

8: Sex on the bed, couch or the floor?

All of the above?

9: Have you ever had sex in a public place?

Nearly, mostly foreplay

10: Have you ever been caught masturbating?

Ew yea

11: What does your favourite sexy underwear look like?

Pink lace with white stripes and a little bow on top

12: How often do you have sex?

If I could choose, every day, but rn not at all

13: Is there anybody right now you’d like to have sex with?

Mhmmm ~

14: Do you prefer giving or receiving oral sex?

Either one

15: Most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to you during sex?

They were giving me bad head and they hit a spot wrong so I slapped their cheek on ACCIDENT. IT WAS AN ACCIDENT. My body just reacted that way.

16: A song you’d listen to during hard/rough/kinky sex?

I’m up for suggestions for this one

17: A song you’d listen to during soft/slow/passionate sex?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cf6cR6Nve70

18: Are you into dressing up for sex?

Sometimes. I like to wear lingerie or whatever my partner was into

19: Would you prefer sex in the bath or sex in the shower?

Bath, I’m afraid of slipping in the shower lmfao

20: If you could have sex with anyone right now, who would it be?

M...my girlfriend <3

21: Have you ever had a threesome? If not, would you?

Nope and I’m a really jealous person like holy shit. If it were to happen there’d have to be some rules and they’d HAVE to be followed. I would be lying if I had said I hadn’t had fantasies about being spit roasted between two girls lmfao

22: Do you/would you use sex toys?

I do

23: Have you ever sent someone a dirty text/picture?

Yeppers

24: Would you have sex with your best friend?

No

25: Is there anything you do after sex? (for example, smoke, eat, drink)

I need a huge glass of water and some snackies

26: Something that will never fail to get you horny?

Orders

27: Early morning sex or late night sex?

Both

28: Favourite body part on the opposite sex?

None

29: Favourite body part on the same sex?

Their hands. I also love shoulders

30: Something that you have hidden in your room that you don’t want anyone to find:

A bad dragon dildo lmfao

31: Weirdest sexual act some has performed [or tried to perform] on/with you:

My feet, that’s all I wanna say

32: Have you ever tasted yourself? [If no, would you?] [If yes, what did you think?]

I have and it wasn’t too bad ~

33: Is it ever okay to not use a condom:

No, unless you both consented to not using it

34: A food that you would like to use during a sexual experience:

Chocolate

35: Worst possible time to get horny:

At work cause I can’t do SHIT all

36: Do you like it when your sexual partner moans?

Oh god so much. When they’re silent I feel like they don’t enjoy it.

37: How much fapping is too much fapping:

None

38: Best sexual complement you ever got:

They said I had a pretty vagina lol

39: Favorite foreplay activities:

Making out, neck kisses, biting, scratching

40: What do you wear to bed?

Nothing

41: When was the first time you masturbated:

Uhhh I was pretty young, I don’t wanna talk about that

42: Do you have any nude/masturbating pictures/video of yourself?

I’m sure I do somewhere

43: Have you ever/when was the last time you had sex outside?

Never

44: Have/would you ever have sex in public?

Sure

45: Have/would you ever had a threesome?

I think I already answered this ~

46: What is one random object you’ve used to masturbate?

Toothbrush

47: Do you watch gay/lesbian porn? why/why not?

Yes, because I’m a lesbian

48: Do you like oral sex? (why/why not)

YES because most of the time it’s the only thing that can get me off. My clit is where I need to be touched to orgasm. I legit can’t otherwise.

49: How do you feel about tattoos on someone you are interested in?

Extremely attractive, that’s my type

50: How would you feel about taking someones virginity?

I don’t want to do that ever again lmfao

51: Is there any food you would NOT recommend using during a sexual encounter?

Anything spicy dude

52: Would you rather be a pornstar or a prostitute?

Pornstar

53: Do you watch porn?

Yep

54: Have you ever been called a freak? Why?

Nope

55: Do you feel comfortable going “commando”?

I do it all the time

56: Would you have a problem with going down on someone if they hadn’t shaved their pubic hair?

Not at all. Anyone who would is a pussy

57: If you could give yourself head, would you?

Definitely

58: Booty or Boobs?

Both, I love boobs a lot though lol

59: Have you ever cheated on someone? (Why?)

Never, fuck that, no. When I’m committed, they’re my person. No one else.

60: If you were the other sex for a day, what are five things you would do?

I don’t have that desire at all

61: have you ever watched someone masturbate?

Yepp

62: has anyone ever watched you masturbate?

Nope

63. Have you ever had an erection and someone noticed?

I don’t...I don’t have one of those

64. What is your method of masturbation? (ie. toys, clitorial, prostate)

Clitoral, vibrator, vaginal + clitoral (oooffff)

65. What is your bra/penis size?

I don’t wanna share here lmfao

66. What is the strangest thing you have ever put up your vagina/anus?

A man

67. When was the last time you masturbated?

Today

68. When was the last time you had sex?

Uhhh 7 months ago

69. When was the last time you watched porn?

Yesterday

70. Have you ever bought a sex toy? If so, which one did you buy last? First sex toy? If not, which one do you plan on buying when you do?

First sex toy was an anal plug and the last one I bought was a pink vibe

71. Guys:Circumsized?

72. Which not-genital part of your body do you like being touched?

Tummy and hips/thighs

73. Which genital part of your body do you like being touched?

My clit lol

74. Girls:Are you able to achieve orgasm just through breast stimulation?

I can get extremely close

75. Have you anonymously sent a sexual ask to someone on tumblr?

Nope

76. When was the last time you have had a wet dream?

Two nights ago

77. Which wet dream was your favorite?

Uhhh can’t remember enough to say

78. Is there a friend you would willingly have sex with?

Nope

79. Is there a celebrity/character you would willingly have sex with?

Nope

80. Favorite sexual position?

Already answered?

81. Do you like being called a slut or whore in bed?

A little too much

82. Are you into any BDSM?

Oh hell yeah

83. Have you ever wanted to have sex with someone but knew you couldnt for any reason? Why?

Yep and because they were not in my same state lol

84. Do you like dirty talk?

Yis

85. Are you loud or quiet during sex? Masturbation?

Loudish? I moan a lot, they’re sorta quiet. I also squeak. During masturbation, it depends on if I’m home alone or not.

86. Have you ever been inturrepted during sex or masturbation? Who/what?

Yep. Mom. Hated it.

87. What kind of porn do you like to watch?

Lesbian bdsm / lesbian anything

88. Have you ever confessed to someone that you got an erection over them? What about masturbated to them?

Nope

89. Have you ever masturbated because your sexual partner wasn’t there when you needed them?

Yep

90. Have you ever had a one night stand? Do you still keep in contact with them?

Nope

91. Have you ever had a friends with benefits? Are they still beneficial?

Nope

92. Ask whatever you want

[bisexualritaskeeter]

tua characters as dnd characters

luther: dragonborn warlock-barbarian.

the second newest member of the academy

dual class. used to just be a barbarian, but then when his life got thrown into mortal peril was persuaded into making a pact with powerful enchanter reginald hargreeves to survive.

incredibly loyal to said enchanter, nobody tell him it's parental stockholm syndrome

one of the newest members, but acts like he's the oldest (which sets diego off without fail)

kind of ashamed for being a dragonborn but you didn't hear it from here

diego: human monk.

the oldest member of the academy

was adopted & trained from a very young age under hargreeves

instead of developing naive loyalty to him, diego ended up becoming incredibly resentful of his fucked up training methods, refusal to care about what happened to ben, and blatant fake favoritism to luther & finally took off

now uses his skills to Fight Crime

totally doesn't hate hargreeves for replacing his old barbarian (ben) with a new one (luther)! totally doesn't hate luther for going along with it! :)

allison: aasimar bard.

the newest member of the academy

was thrown out of her clan for her charming abilities, which she'd used to rise in the ranks and do basically what she did in canon.

was offered protection by the awfully prevalent powerful enchanter reginald hagreeves, and since she was now in a world she had no idea how to navigate, she accepted

(and then ended up overstaying a bit from worry for luther, who is definitely not having a Healthy Time rn)

misses her clan, esp her husband & child, so much

wants to carve a name for herself in this new world without ever using her charming abilities again

klaus: tiefling sorcerer.

the third oldest member of the academy

powerful death based magic runs in his blood, and he is so, so tired.

his family was killed when he was a teenager as part of a cult thing & he ended up being bought taken in by hargreeves

can control his death based magic okay, but it scares the shit out of him, so he'd rather not. basically same as canon but with a bit more competence

love me some uhhh ghost stifling DRUGS

noo aha he never has to deal with tiefling racism

loves to decorate his horns with trinkets and bobbles

five: goblin wizard.

the fourth oldest member of the academy

used to apprentice under hargreeves, but then there was a ... difference of opinion between them

five wasn't always a goblin. he actually used to be a halfling. he can't remember what turned him from one thing to the other though, and it is killing him

(literally. goblins have much shorter lifespans than halflings.)

is obsessed with returning to his old form & also stopping the end of the world which he insists is prophesied in the books he and hargreeves studied

although luther is the one hargreeves has a favoritism to, five is the one he almost treated as an equal in his studies. where everyone else was a soldier/pawn to him, five was set to be an heir

he is LOVING all the new anti-goblin stuff he has to deal with ! :)

ben: ghostwise halfling barbarian.

the second oldest member of the academy

used to belong to a clan but hargreeves took him away from it "sensing potential"

ben was too young to be far apart from his clan at the time, esp since ghostwise halflings are very clan and family oriented, and the shock of this sudden transition, plus the abrupt forcing of his harnessing his All Consuming Rage at such a young age, ended up killing him

hargreeves recovered. diego, who had been adopted a few years earlier and had taken a semi competitive liking to ben, didn't.

sticks around the academy as a ghost since without his clan/family he has no idea where else to go

would prefer to follow & take care of diego, but since that new guy called klaus could see him, he figured that following him would probably make more sense. he seemed to need it more anyway

why is he aging normally as a ghost? shut up. that's why

vanya: human sorcerer.

[REDACTED]

comes from a long line of sorcerers. not sure what happened to her parents.

can't control her powers except for sudden emotion-based explosions

[REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED]

[chubbyooo]

Blurred Lines Chapter 22 - Reunions

hey hey hey chapter 22 is out and we switching back to Kyradia this ones a doozy

Kyradia and Ashara wait for the possible arrival of the sith they encountered

The room was quiet, Kyradia could here the sound of her breath as they waited in silence, in then out in then out in then out.

“We have been sitting here for ages” it was true they had been here for what felt like years

Ashara scoffed “It’s only been like an hour Kyradia be patient” what but it felt like sooo much longer

“so what exactly is our plan here? I kinda forgot to ask” Kyradia was still feeling rather unsettled, ever since the encounter in the first temple something had felt off with this but she couldn’t place it

“uhhh well I thought we’d wait here and then we can watch them do whatever they were doing, maybe then ambush them i dunno” there was something to that but it seemed a little rough around the edges

“what if they sense us or have macrobinoculars like ours” sure Kyradia could hide through the force but Ashara not so much

Ashara frowned suddenly “uhhhh... um well” Ashara paused for a second “I uh didn’t think of that Mas- uh Kyradia” wow maybe she shouldn’t trust Ashara’s judgement implicitly

“right well let’s come up with a new plan, cause I don’t think stealth is really an option” Ashara nodded quietly, she seemed a little embarrassed but Kyradia couldn’t place why “As much as I want to know what they are up to I think we should prioritise stopping them first before this gets out of hand” Kyradia was trying so hard to not make this a whole thing, she had a lot she wanted to do and this was an annoying obligation

“I see your point I guess we can find out the details afterwards, if we’re gonna fight them you need to stay with me. I don’t want a repeat of yesterday” Kyradia never meant to run off but sometimes it’s necessary

“I uh dunno I get into a kinda frenzy when i fight” it was true in most fights she only remembered what happened afterwards

Ashara looked at her in the eyes “just... please ok for me” Kyradia knew she was probably right

She let out a small smile “yeah... ok I’ll try” she couldn’t promise she would but she would defiantly try “so what we guard the entrance” they hadn’t scouted any other entrances but Ashara had a point they should stick together

“yeah but if we’re gonna we will need to close up the other way in to the main room, I don’t have the umm right composure to bring down a wall so if you don’t mind” wow way to dance around the fact Kyradia was a angry person

“sure no problem” Kyradia made her way to the corridor on the opposite side of the room. She closed her eyes and began to think back to her argument with Kavaraa, the self righteous hypocritical points and the fact she just ran. She quickly could feel the rocks come loose and as she opened her eyes the corridor was no more. 

“alright let’s go to the entrance” Ashara beckoned her over to the remaining way out. Kyradia grasped her hand tightly and cloaked their forms

Later...

The jungle was peaceful in it’s own way, from the vantage point on top of the temple Kyradia could see the trees rustling wildly in the wind. It felt like the tables had somewhat turned; now they were the ones guarding a temple from interlopers, that was assuming they even turned up. They were going out on a limb but this was the only lead they had so they had to at least follow it up, Kyradia had a pit in her stomach she wasn’t sure why but this whole situation just seemed odd. The Milirian seemed like she had good intentions but nothing about this seemed like it would turn out good. That usually meant someone was manipulating her and Kyradia knew all too well what that felt like, between Valkorion, Revan and Zash she wouldn’t ever wish that on someone. Her money was on the blonde one being the culprit, she seemed to be the smarter one and more in tune with the force, either way they needed to be stopped. Kyradia felt her hand get squeezed, Ashara couldn’t cloak herself so this was unfortunately necessary. Kyradia had never been one for physical acts of affection, she found them awkward and weird but she had a few people she didn’t mind it from. Ashara seemed really worried about her which was definitely surprising after everything that happened Kyradia was sure Ashara wouldn’t care about her wellbeing anymore. She still didn’t know everything though and when she did she probably would hate her again, maybe it was just better to get it out the way, that’s what Andronikos was saying right maybe she should.

“hey Asha-” Kyradia started

Ashara interrupted her suddenly calling out “look look down there” damn it maybe later

Kyradia was startled but tried to look “where?”

Ashara replied “where I’m pointing” she was shaking Kyradia’s arm now

“Ashara you’re invisible I can’t see your arm” Kyradia continued to search the trees for what she was pointing at

“oh right um yeah look by that ridge to the left” Kyradia scanned down and sure enough she could see the two interlopers from before, yes they came! the long blonde hair stuck out like a sore thumb. They were trying to travel through the bushes to sneak up, same as their strategy but a lot less well executed

“let’s get into position and surprise them” Kyradia began to lead Ashara over to the left. Ashara was having trouble walking while invisible which wasn’t surprising it takes some getting used to, after a little bit of guidance however they were in position and could see the two sith below.

“ready” Kyradia asked letting go of Ashara’s hand

“ready” Ashara said as they jumped

Kyradia landed with a resounding crack in front of the duo “well look who we found” both the Milirian and the Human were taken aback jumping back a few feet each

“h-how did y-you find us” the Milrian said clearly intimidated

“well Ashara found an ancient relation between the temples around that excess con temple, she’s smart like that” 

“Exar KUN” Ashara interrupted, dammit Ashara not in the middle of the monologue

 “yes, that guy and we thought weird ritual doers are bound to visit” Kyradia smiled “and I’m afraid we can’t let you past”

The blonde one spoke up “n-no we have to get past we have to you can’t just stop us” she clearly didn’t understand the magnitude of the situation

She ignited her lightsaber “oh I think we can”

https://open.spotify.com/track/1piChbCeKngXLmNBdB58Vt?si=kyNE38QUT7ip0sFBIjrXfg

the duo glanced at each other before igniting their lightsabers, the Milirian lunged at Ashara and the Blonde at Kyradia, Kyradia easily parried the simple move and went for a low slash. To her surprise she saw the form of the blonde disappear and reappear 10ft away, where did she learn that? no matter Kyradia could too, she quickly shifted next to her grabbing her by the throat.

“now now play nice” Kyradia sneered, the Blonde began to struggle as Kyradia kept her in place, this was a good intimidation tactic but also would allow her to further question the Blonde. The Blonde continued to struggle as Kyradia lifted her off the ground but it was no use she had her- suddenly she saw a fist career into her head knocking her to the ground. The bitch punched her what the hell, Kyradia wiped the blood out her eyes before looking to see where the Blonde was heading, to the temple big surprise, she could see Ashara was sparring with the Milirian and barely keeping up with her, she could handle it. Kyradia channeled the rage she felt after the bitch punched her and reached out with the force, suddenly the blonde stopped frozen in place, perfect. Kyradia could feel her begin to push against her force keeping the Blonde in place, she slowly moved towards the blonde keeping her steady

“stay still I don’t wanna hurt you” she paused “too badly” she could’ve broken her nose the blonde could do with some repercussions. The force was certainly strong in this one Kyradia could barely keep her still

She had just caught up to the blonde when she suddenly heard a voice “STOP INTERFERING” as she was pushed back onto the ground by a wave of force energy. She hit the ground with a thud but that voice it was weirdly familiar, who did that? no time Kyradia quickly sat up to see the blonde running into the temple, shit she had to catch up. She quickly stood up and concentrated, using the force she began to run after the Blonde but as she got to the door the Milirian stepped in front of her 

“STOP” she pointed her lightsaber at Kyradia threateningly. Kyradia sighed and threw her casually out the way with the force, she didn’t have time for that. She bolted down the corridors of the temple determined to stop this once and for all. As she skidded round to the main chamber she saw the blonde had set down a holocron and some ingredients

“you better stop right now or I’m gonna lose it” she began to stride forward but as she did she felt a strong force wind push her back, no way was the blonde this strong. 

Kyradia began struggling against the wind as that voice echoed throughout the chamber “ah Kyradia I’m afraid you wont be coming any closer” no what the hell was this? who was that? she struggled against the wind but couldn’t move any closer to the Blonde. 

The Blonde had started meditating as the voice continued “now I’m afraid you’re too late, I have regained the power to subdue you, you won’t come anywhere near this ritual” If this is some Zakuul person trying to get revenge on her AGAIN she was gonna freak out 

“I actually took a page out of your book, I gotta say the ghost method definatly has it’s drawbacks” the voice chuckled as Kyradia tried as hard as she could to overcome the force keeping her out of the room to no avail.

“WHO ARE YOU? WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?” it knew about her old life before she was the commander, who was she?

Suddenly the room began to light up and beams of light began to divert towards the holocron, WAIT THE HOLOCRON! “now now now apprentice you always were two steps behind, the information is all right in front of you, put it together”

That wasn’t possible, it couldn’t be she had been sealed away for good. “No it can’t be you! I trapped you away in the mind prison”

“well clearly it didn’t work, every prison has ways out my dear” the voice began to cackle as the blinding energy entered the holocron “you really need to learn the only way to put sith behind you is to kill them otherwise they always come back apprentice”

Kyradia began to push with all her might against the force “I am not your apprentice you bitch and I’m going to stop you” she began to move forward slowly the force was weakening, maybe she could get to them.

“oh my dear I cannot wait to see it with my own eyes but I’m afraid I have to run, Lusari time to go” suddenly the force stopping her from moving was gone and she stumbled onto the floor. When she looked up she saw no sign of the blonde. But... it didn’t matter none of it mattered Kyradia just sat there in silence for a minute, she was back, Zash was back...

[angel-wings-and-feathers]

Angel plays persona 5, Part....uhhh...four?

It's been a while and I am bad at keeping track of things so let's just say this is part four and move on with our lives.

((Tw: abuse))

1: I've noticed that charming thieves seem to be a common trope in Japanese media. It keeps cropping up, and I'm interested in the culture behind it.

2: If I recal right, the student council president is blackmailing us. I think she's going to join us. New Persona?? NEW RIPPING MASK OFF/BLOOD SPEW SCENE??? I AM THOU, THOU ART I! I AM THOU!! THOU ART I!!!

3: Light Yagami continues to be a presence in our lives and I'm just over here waiting for the potato chips

4: Drugs! Drugs are happening! We're gonna take down the mob! I feel like the politician guy is gonna be our last palace so I wonder who we're gonna get between now and then.

5: Gosh Art Guy's pretty. I like his voice. Can he just...read a book for five hours?

((Still squicked out by the Anne arch tho.))

((Its very unfortunate))

6: Look I wanna make friends with all the people so I can get stronger personas and abilities. I do. But asking me to throw 5000 yen at the one lady every few nights is a bit much. I WANT GEAR FOR THE PALICES DAMN IT AND YOU'RE NOT EVEN CLEANING THE ROOM LIKE YOU KEEP SAYING YOU WILL. I JUST WANT A NICE ROOM BUT THE GAME WONT LET ME DO SHIT TO IT.

7: Holy shit she comes over and between big wide puppy eyes she starts complaining about her students why the fuck are you a teacher if all you're gonna do is whine over having to deal with kids. You could have any other job. Anything's better than taking your anger out on teenagers just trying to go to school and live their life.

8: On a lighter note, I feel like the bad things happening over town are the work of another personia user. Only they're destroying the people whose palices they infiltrate. And I'm looking directly at Light Yagami because, while I dont have the context, I know he winds up being a bad.

9: I know exactly what my persona would look like/act like. What I really wanna know is what my palace would be.

Unfortunately you cant have both because having a persona means you cant have a palace.

And honistly I'd rather a persona than a palace because holy shit palaces are bad.

((Asking the real questions here, can you fuck your persona? Is it masterbation? They're a representation of your own inner self, but they're also not necessarily You.))

10: Gosh art guy is pretty. He is very aesthetically pleasing. I love the color scheme, those blues and purples, and dat asmr voice. Wow.

11: THE NEXT PALICE. IS A BANK??

12: AHAHAHAH WE ARE THIEVES INFULTRATING A PERSONS HEART WHICH LOOKS LIKE A BANK

Someone play the mission impossible theme.

Omg can the next palace be a train so we can pull a train heist??

13: Holy shit detective lady just fucking

Lashed out at the student council president for trying to ask a sister bonding question

Oh my gosh "you're useless to me, all you do is eat away at my life"

That's so uncalled for!

She's not useless oh my god.

14: GOOD JOB DETECTIVE LADY YOU JUST PUSHED YOUR SISTER INTO THROWING HERSELF AT THE MOB

15: Save student council present. Save her. Give her hugs, and a sandwich, and nice words, and get her the fuck away from detective lady.

16: YOU RUINED YOUR SISTERS SENSE OF SELF WORTH TO THE POINT THAT SHE THREW HERSELF AT THE FUCKING MOB BECAUSE SHE WANTED TO BE USEFUL

Joker

Hey Joker

Fucking

Take this opportunity to tear into the detective lady

All these cutaways to the interrogation

Let me yell at her for this

Plz

17: YOU DONT CALL YOUR SISTER USELESS

YOU DONT TREAT HER LIKE SHE OWS YOU SOME GREAT DEBT FOR EXISTING

SHE WAS JUST TRYING TO HAVE AN ADULT CONVERSATION WITH YOU AND YOU FUCKING TORE HER APART

IF YOU WERE TIRED THEN FUCKING SAY YOU'RE TIRED AND HAVE THE CONVERSATION LATER

"I'm gonna eat out from now on..."

OH GREAT!! GUILT HER! PUNISH HER FOR EXISTING BY REMOVING YOUR PRESENSE FROM HER LIFE!! USE YOUR LACK OF ATTENTION AS A METHOD OF PUNISHMENT!

I am unspeakably angry at this holy shit.

Holy shit.

I did not expect emotional and verbal abuse to happen and wow I am legitimately angry

Game did a good job at portraying it 10/10 great job but fucking ouch that hit a nerve

18: Woah. Student council president personna is a mortar bike!!!

She's all spiky and goth!

Woo!!

19: I'm waiting for the moment we find out Morgana actually is a cat and is the super secret final boss that only friendship can save.

[stellarbisexual]

A Memory of Love (2/?)

Summary: Richie and Eddie, who haven’t seen each other since they were kids, get cast as the lead couple in an indie film.

Canon-divergent, Reddie are in their 30s.

Previously: Chapter 1

READ ON AO3

Chapter 2: TABLE READ

When Richie arrives at Greg’s house a few short weeks later, his co-star is already sitting by the pool, just a tuft of fluffy, chestnut hair peeking out over the back of a lounge chair, one bare foot skimming the surface of the water in a hypnotic left-to-right motion.  

“Ah, there’s the love of my life!”  Richie’s booming voice disrupts the quiet, prompting Eddie to peer around the side of the chair, his mouth agape, squinting in the bright sun.

Richie’s heart lurches violently in his chest, nearly taking his breath away, to the point where he makes a mental note to pick up some Prevacid on the way home—but as Eddie unravels himself to approach, one nervous hand righting his hair and the other clutching a curled up copy of an already heavily marked-up script, Richie exes out that note.

He and Eddie didn’t connect before today.  He’d thought about it, but something held him back, maybe a desire to have this moment.

Eddie’s eyes flicker amber in the sunlight as he takes Richie in with a sweet smile.  “Hi, Richie.”

“Long time no see, Eddie Spaghetti.”  The nickname is out of his mouth before he even knows what the hell it is (like most everything else Richie ever says—and he wishes he could blame the improv background), and Eddie giggles, a high, musical thing that inspires Richie to pull him in for a tight hug.  Eddie’s still pretty tiny, his hair tickling Richie’s clavicle.

“You two know each other?”  Greg looks both perplexed and pleased.

Richie tries conjuring an image, anything, from when they were kids, but there’s that black hole again.  He holds Eddie at arm’s length, watching an elaborate cycle of emotions flit across his expressive face, feeling helpless without a key to decipher them.  “We’re both products of Shittown, USA, AKA Derry, Maine.”

“Where dreams go to die,” Eddie says without missing a beat, squinting up at Richie.

*

Richie begins the table read a little nervous and a little on his guard; despite having taken proper acting classes and doing theatre in college, this is still totally new to him, and he fully expects Eddie to make him feel out of his league, not just because Richie’s a lowly fucking comedian but because he’s never had a serious relationship with a man in his life.  He doesn’t expect Eddie to be a dick about it, but he expects him to want to take control and subtly steer him right if he goes off course, maybe even get frustrated with him from time to time.

But there’s no sign of that, at least not today.  Eddie is open and kind, complimentary, even, reassuring Richie You’re so perfect for this role when he makes his first of many self-deprecating remarks before they actually start to read.  Plus, it’s clear three pages into the script that they’re both still just seeing how the words taste in their mouths, taking the pressure off considerably.  

It never occurs to Richie that Eddie might be nervous as hell, too, but he admits just that as they drive away from Greg’s house, the sky beginning to go orange and pink.  Richie’s offered to take him back to his hotel, as Eddie’s only in town for a few days and isn’t getting a rental.

Eddie pushes a big breath out of his mouth.  “I was so fucking nervous about today.”

“You were nervous?”  Richie’s eyebrows shoot up.  “I actually puked this morning.”

“No you didn’t!”  Eddie smacks his shoulder playfully.  

“Scout’s honor,” Richie says, flashing two fingers, his smile threatening to break his face.  “Strap yourself in; the daily embarrassments of Richie Tozier have only just begun.”

Eddie stares at his profile, face naked in a way that nearly tears Richie’s eyes away from the six lanes of freeway traffic.  “I’m really excited we’re working together.” His voice is soft.

For all that Greg has expressed the director’s concern about creating enough intimacy between her two lead actors, it sure feels fucking intimate in Richie’s car right about now.

Richie resists the urge to make a joke, taking a deep breath.  “Me too.” He licks his lips, swallows. “Hey: you wanna get a drink?  I’m not ready to go home yet. Still feel buzzy, like the night after a show.”

Eddie smiles, relaxing into the passenger seat, his body still slightly angled toward Richie’s.  “Sure.”

*

Once they’re settled in at the bar, Richie takes the opportunity to look at Eddie the way he couldn’t in the car, deciding he hadn’t given his face enough credit.  Eddie’s pretty fucking gorgeous, truth be told, all big, sparkling hazel eyes and dark, elegant eyebrows. He watches Eddie’s mouth purse as he examines the drink menu, wet and pouty, and wonders hopefully if they’ll end up hooking up during filming.  

Richie has to mentally smack himself for even thinking it.   You’re here to work, you fucking idiot, so get serious for once in your life.

“I hope this is okay,” he says, gesturing vaguely at their surroundings.  He chose one of his go-to dive bars in Culver City (seems like an oxymoron with how expensive the area’s gotten) since he wanted to be able to hide.  “I know you don’t spend that much time here, so I wasn’t sure if you wanted to go to one of those chichi twenty-dollar cocktail places on Sunset just for the experience.”

“No, thanks, this is way more my speed.”

Richie orders himself a pickleback, which inspires a full-body shiver of disgust from Eddie, and Eddie orders a gimlet.  

“So,” Richie says, after shooting the whiskey, then shoots the pickle juice.  “Teach me all about method acting.”

Eddie giggles that sweet, melodic giggle again, then surprises Richie with his retort: “I thought you were going to teach me how to get on TFS.  That’s the only reason I agreed to even do this movie.”

“I still couldn’t tell you how I got on that show, so you’re out of luck there, my friend.”  Richie starts playing with the empty shot glasses, flipping them over and sliding them around on the bartop like a street performer doing a trick.  “Seriously, though. I want to know more about how you work and what you need from me, how I can help you do whatever you need to do.”

“I mean, I want this to work for the both of us, first and foremost.  And I’m not Daniel Day-Lewis; I don’t need the full enchilada. I’m not going to make you or the entire crew call me Thomas between takes or anything,” Eddie says, referring to his character in the film.  “Did Greg tell you I was this big method actor? I’m really not that crazy with it; I just take bits and pieces, whatever works for me—and I like being experimental. But I’ve worked with a lot of actors who don’t subscribe to it at all, and it’s fine.”  Eddie’s nose crinkles as he smiles at Richie’s expression. “You look disappointed. Were you hoping to try it? Because if you’re open to some of it…”

“I’m definitely open,” Richie says decisively.  “I just want to do well.” Eddie seems to perk up considerably at that, which gives Richie an odd feeling of pride.  “Let’s not talk about work anymore. How long have you been in New York?”

Eddie’s response is quick and sounds rehearsed.  “Since I was eighteen. Left my mom’s house and never looked back.”

“Shit.  Your mom.  Big lady?” Richie opens his arms wide, eyes narrowed, trying to recall her face and failing.  Eddie nods quietly. “I met her at least once, right?”

“A few times.”

Richie watches him sip generously on his gimlet.  “How much do you remember from when we were kids?  I’m getting the impression it’s way more than I do.”

Eddie studiously stares at his half-empty drink.  “Not much more than you, probably. You did tease me relentlessly; I do remember that.”

“Ugh,” Richie grimaces.  “I was such a pain in the ass then.”

“No, you meant well, I think.”  Eddie shakes his head, lifting his eyes at him in a way that threatens to give him heartburn again.  “It was cute.”

Richie inhales sharply, clearing his throat.  “You haven’t been back to Derry at all?”

“...Well.  For my mom’s funeral, back in 2010.”

“I’m so sorry.  You should’ve—.”

Eddie shrugs.  “It never changes.  Derry. It’s kind of freaky that way.  New York is changing all the time. People coming and going.”  Eddie stirs the tiny straw around his drink, though it’s down to almost just ice.  “I saw you once—in New York. You came to do stand-up.”

Richie lights up.  “What? When?”

“Uhhh.”  Eddie’s eyes drift up to the ceiling, trying in vain to read the date there.  “2008? 2009? You were at Gotham.”

Richie shudders.  “That sounds right.  The dark ages.”

“You were great,” Eddie says encouragingly, and either he’s a really good actor or he really means it.

“...Why didn’t you say hello?”

Eddie cuts his eyes at him, teasing, “Would you have remembered me, asshole?”

Richie cackles.  “Bev and I reconnected, you know, a few years back.  We hang out all the time.”

“Beverly Marsh?  Wow.”

“Yeah.  She’s in fashion and she does production design sometimes—when they pay her enough.”

“That’s really cool.”  

Eddie looks terribly fond.  Richie understands; Bev’s got a way about her.

“She remembers even less about Derry than I do.  Or so she says. But she remembers you. Was very eager to pore over your IMDb page when I told her the news.”

“My whopping five or six credits.”

“Five or six dramatic credits, at least.  My page is just TFS, a stoner movie, and a bunch of Funny or Die videos.”

“Okay, we’ve already established that we’re both feeling really insecure about this.  So here’s to being on even footing, at least.” He raises his empty glass to Richie, and Richie lifts one of his empty shot glasses from the table, not bothering to flip it upright before clinking it against Eddie’s.  Eddie motions to the bartender, then quietly asks Richie, “Do you want another?”

Richie opts for something lighter, a beer, since he’s driving, though he anticipates they’ll be here long enough that they’ll both come right back around to sober by the time they finally leave.  The conversation just has that feeling about it. He and Eddie just have that feeling about them, between them. It’s thrilling and a little scary.

Once they’re all set for drinks again, Richie leans on one of his fists.  “I’m not sure I ever had you pegged to become an actor.”

“I didn’t either; it just sort of happened.  My therapist pushed me into drama therapy when I was in college, and it was more effective than any session we’d ever had.”  Eddie rolls his shoulders, clearly trying to relax them. “I had a lot of anger to work through. Still do,” he smiles ruefully.

“So you were being method before you even knew what it was.”

Eddie’s smile turns into a sweet, generous thing.  “Yeah, you can say that. It was the best place for me to start because it wasn’t about being good; it was just about being honest.”

Richie can’t remember a time, even as a kid, when he wasn’t dead set on being good, on being funny, on being liked.

“There wasn’t really a proper audience, so the audience didn’t matter—and it still doesn’t, for me.”

Richie makes a distressed sound.  “Can’t relate, my friend. If I’m not getting a laugh, I’d rather walk into oncoming traffic.”

Eddie looks at him.  “I’ve never been funny—not intentionally, anyway—so I can’t relate to that.”

“Do you wanna—?” Richie starts impulsively, stopping to take a drink when Eddie looks at him again, all endless eyes and open mouth.

“What?”

Richie takes another drink, fortifying himself.  “I have a crazy idea. For Blue Valentine, Michelle Wiliams and Ryan Gosling lived in a house with each other for a whole month leading up to shooting, so they could be in each other’s space and learn about each other and develop a real relationship—so it would hopefully translate in their performances as this couple who’s been together for years.”  

“So I’ve heard.”  Another smile threatens the corners of Eddie’s mouth.

“...Do you have anything going on before we start rehearsals?”

“No.”

“We don’t have to do a whole month—I’m probably a nightmare to live with—”

Eddie laughs, and Richie’s heart can’t help chasing the sound, wanting more.

“But maybe a couple of weeks?  There’s plenty of room at my house.”

“Okay, easy, TFS,” Eddie teases.

Richie’s even more thrilled at this bit of playful snark.  He actually doesn’t have a comeback, or maybe he’s just too hellbent on getting Eddie’s answer.

Finally, Eddie puts him out of his misery.  “I’m just kidding. That’s a great idea.”

And that’s how it starts.  

permatag list: @reddie-to-fight @hurleyhugo @raspberrywind @losver-kaspbrak @lilgeorgie @geckolover001 @its-stranger-than-you-think @gazebo-motherfucker @waypunsarelife @reddietofall @happytozier @librablossom @aesteddie @tapetayloe@spagheddi-kaspbrak @sadhelianthus @adhdtozier @justcallme-trashmouth @fuckboyrichie @thetheatregal @bandaids @20gayteeneds @richietoaster @burymestanding @reddiepop@notsugarandspice @peniswises

a memory of love list: @artofhely @trippy-alexissss @feelinsorad @where-ismy-miind @justanothetfangirl

[upsidedowninmyworld]

1-91? :)

Sure, I’m bored and can’t sleep anyway

1:When did you lose your virginity?

Hmm...when I was 17

2: Rough sex or soft sex?

Depends

3: Do you have any unusual kinks/fetishes?

I don’t think so?

4: Weirdest place you’ve had sex?

Park bathroom. Nastiest shit ever. Do not recommend

5: Favourite sex position?

Doggy hehe

6: Do you like to be dominant or submissive?

Submissive mostly, but every now and then, the opposite

7: Have you ever had any one night stands?

Yes

8: Sex on the bed, couch or the floor?

Bed

9: Have you ever had sex in a public place?

Yes lol

10: Have you ever been caught masturbating?

I don’t think so

11: What does your favourite sexy underwear look like?

It’s black and lacy :3

12: How often do you have sex?

HA right now: zero because my boyfriend and I are far away from each other :(

13: Is there anybody right now you’d like to have sex with?

My boyfriend

14: Do you prefer giving or receiving oral sex?

Both

15: Most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to you during sex?

I fell off the bed

16: A song you’d listen to during hard/rough/kinky sex?

I have a playlist for that

17: A song you’d listen to during soft/slow/passionate sex?

Hmm honestly, it’d be something my boyfriend chose; I either listen to depressing music or really loud, abrasive music

18: Are you into dressing up for sex?

Sure, why bot

19: Would you prefer sex in the bath or sex in the shower?

Shower

20: If you could have sex with anyone right now, who would it be?

My boyfriend

21: Have you ever had a threesome? If not, would you?

Hmm...I think I’d be down

22: Do you/would you use sex toys?

Haha, yes

23: Have you ever sent someone a dirty text/picture?

Yes

24: Would you have sex with your best friend?

My boyfriend is my best friend so, yes?

25: Is there anything you do after sex? (for example, smoke, eat, drink)

Sleep or eat. And cuddle

26: Something that will never fail to get you horny?

Someone wrapping their hands around my neck

27: Early morning sex or late night sex?

Ooh both

28: Favourite body part on the opposite sex?

Hands. They must be clean and groomed, though

29: Favourite body part on the same sex?

Ooh butt

30: Something that you have hidden in your room that you don’t want anyone to find:

My sex toys 😂

31: Weirdest sexual act some has performed [or tried to perform] on/with you:

Someone wanted to fuck the back of my knee

32: Have you ever tasted yourself? [If no, would you?] [If yes, what did you think?]

Yes, I think I taste quite good

33: Is it ever okay to not use a condom:

If it is consensual, yes

34: A food that you would like to use during a sexual experience:

Whipped cream :3 or chocolate

35: Worst possible time to get horny:

In church

36: Do you like it when your sexual partner moans?

Yes it’s fucking hot

37: How much fapping is too much fapping:

Too much till you die

38: Best sexual complement you ever got:

Hmm...probs something about my butt

39: Favorite foreplay activities:

Making out, grinding on him, teasing him, etc

40: What do you wear to bed?

A big shirt

41: When was the first time you masturbated:

I think I was like 14?

42: Do you have any nude/masturbating pictures/video of yourself?

Yes I do

43: Have you ever/when was the last time you had sex outside?

Does the car count? Before quarantine that’s for sure

44: Have/would you ever have sex in public?

Yes

45: Have/would you ever had a threesome?

I think I’ve answered this

46: What is one random object you’ve used to masturbate?

Vibrator

47: Do you watch gay/lesbian porn? why/why not?

Yes I do

48: Do you like oral sex? (why/why not)

I fucking love it

49: How do you feel about tattoos on someone you are interested in?

I like them

50: How would you feel about taking someones virginity?

Done it but now that I’m older, it’s super weird

51: Is there any food you would NOT recommend using during a sexual encounter?

Spicy food

52: Would you rather be a pornstar or a prostitute?

Porn Star

53: Do you watch porn?

Yes I do

54: Have you ever been called a freak? Why?

No?

55: Do you feel comfortable going “commando”?

Yes lol

56: Would you have a problem with going down on someone if they hadn’t shaved their pubic hair?

Uhhh I’ve never really tried so can’t say. I’m really sensitive to smell so maybe

57: If you could give yourself head, would you?

Sure lol

58: Booty or Boobs?

Booty!

59: Have you ever cheated on someone? (Why?)

No

60: If you were the other sex for a day, what are five things you would do?

I would do so many things with my dick lol

61: have you ever watched someone masturbate?

Yes

62: has anyone ever watched you masturbate?

Yes

63. Have you ever had an erection and someone noticed?

Not a dude but I have given my boyfriend many hard ons in public 😘

64. What is your method of masturbation? (ie. toys, clitorial, prostate)

Clitoral/toys

65. What is your bra/penis size?

34/36c it fluctuates

66. What is the strangest thing you have ever put up your vagina/anus?

A cleaned out beer bottle?

67. When was the last time you masturbated?

Yesterday

68. When was the last time you had sex?

Been too long ☹️

69. When was the last time you watched porn? Like 5 minutes ago

70. Have you ever bought a sex toy? If so, which one did you buy last? First sex toy? If not, which one do you plan on buying when you do?

I bought a new g spot vibe and a bullet. First sex toy was a gift from a now-ex

71. Guys:Circumsized?

Sure

72. Which not-genital part of your body do you like being touched?

My shoulders, neck

73. Which genital part of your body do you like being touched?

My clit?

74. Girls:Are you able to achieve orgasm just through breast stimulation?

No

75. Have you anonymously sent a sexual ask to someone on tumblr?

Yes

76. When was the last time you have had a wet dream?

Hahaha like 2 nights ago

77. Which wet dream was your favorite?

Hmmm

78. Is there a friend you would willingly have sex with?

Not right now no

79. Is there a celebrity/character you would willingly have sex with?

Ruby rose is pretty fucking hot

80. Favorite sexual position?

Answered

81. Do you like being called a slut or whore in bed?

If it’s the right person

82. Are you into any BDSM?

Yes I am

83. Have you ever wanted to have sex with someone but knew you couldnt for any reason? Why?

I think so? They were in an open relationship but didn’t tell me about it until way after sooo

84. Do you like dirty talk?

I do

85. Are you loud or quiet during sex? Masturbation?

I can be loud during sex but pretty quiet otherwise

86. Have you ever been inturrepted during sex or masturbation? Who/what?

Yes lol

87. What kind of porn do you like to watch?

It depends

88. Have you ever confessed to someone that you got an erection over them? What about masturbated to them?

Masturbated yes

89. Have you ever masturbated because your sexual partner wasn’t there when you needed them?

Yes

90. Have you ever had a one night stand? Do you still keep in contact with them?

Nope lol

91. Have you ever had a friends with benefits? Are they still beneficial?

I have had a friend with benefits, same person who was in an open relationship and we ended up dating very, very briefly (less than a month). He showed me proof that they were both accepting of an open relationship but still didnt with well with me that he waited until I found out to tell me. We were better off as friends anyway. Great friend, shitty boyfriend for anyone

[loverboyyyvinn]

all of the nsfw asks

all of them? jesus. lol okay

1:When did you lose your virginity?

this year circa april.

2: Rough sex or soft sex?

i like both. depending on my mood ig LOL

3: Do you have any unusual kinks/fetishes?

i dunno! tbh i’m more of a i’ll-try-anything-once kind of guy

4: Weirdest place you’ve had sex?

a dorm stairwell.

5: Favourite sex position?

i dunno LOL 

6: Do you like to be dominant or submissive?

hmmmmm this also depends on my mood? lol

7: Have you ever had any one night stands?

yeah

8: Sex on the bed, couch or the floor?

tbh i dunno? bed maybe bc they’re kinda somft.

9: Have you ever had sex in a public place?

yeah

10: Have you ever been caught masturbating?

no LOL

11: What does your favourite sexy underwear look like?

i dont have one LMAO all my underwears are like? whatev? idk

12: How often do you have sex?

ive only had it twice

13: Is there anybody right now you’d like to have sex with?

yeah. my partner, for sure. there’s some people that ive thought about having sex with LOL

14: Do you prefer giving or receiving oral sex?

giving

15: Most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to you during sex?

i cant think of anything?

16: A song you’d listen to during hard/rough/kinky sex?

:/ idk if i would listen to music during sex tbh?

17: A song you’d listen to during soft/slow/passionate sex?

same as above

18: Are you into dressing up for sex?

i mean if we’re roleplaying, then yeah i GUESS

19: Would you prefer sex in the bath or sex in the shower?

in the shower ig

20: If you could have sex with anyone right now, who would it be?

my partner

21: Have you ever had a threesome? If not, would you?

no i havent but i WOULD

22: Do you/would you use sex toys?

i have a vibe.

23: Have you ever sent someone a dirty text/picture?

yeah 

24: Would you have sex with your best friend?

my best friend is my partner, so, uh, yeah

25: Is there anything you do after sex? (for example, smoke, eat, drink)

not really LOL

26: Something that will never fail to get you horny?

honestly? no idea. random things get me horny and i just go with the flow i guess 

27: Early morning sex or late night sex?

late night? ig? idk

28: Favourite body part on the opposite sex?

not sure i have one

29: Favourite body part on the same sex?

same as above

30: Something that you have hidden in your room that you don’t want anyone to find:

my vibrator? i guess? LOL.

31: Weirdest sexual act some has performed [or tried to perform] on/with you:

i mean, nothing stands out as weird for me LMAO

32: Have you ever tasted yourself? [If no, would you?] [If yes, what did you think?]

i guess? also uh. idk. tasted alright i guess

33: Is it ever okay to not use a condom:

uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

i mean if all partners consent then you can just. not use it. but i guess to play it safe you SHOULD use a condom yeah? lol

34: A food that you would like to use during a sexual experience:

???????????????????????????? no

35: Worst possible time to get horny:

LOL uh. in class i guess? or like during an important meeting/event

36: Do you like it when your sexual partner moans?

YEAH

37: How much fapping is too much fapping:

uhhhh when it starts hurting instead of feeling good. like a BAD hurt. u get me? yeah

38: Best sexual complement you ever got:

i got complemented on my moans once which was nice i guess

39: Favorite foreplay activities:

idk? just like, making out i guess. and like? wandering hands LOL

40: What do you wear to bed?

depends. sometimes nothing. sometimes just a t-shirt. sometimes a soft dress. LOL whatever tbh

41: When was the first time you masturbated:

i think i was like. 10?

42: Do you have any nude/masturbating pictures/video of yourself?

i mean i’ve certainly made them. do i have them on me now? no lol i deleted that stuff on my computer n i got a new phone recently so LOL not at the moment

43: Have you ever/when was the last time you had sex outside?

if outside counts the stairwell in a dorm building, then back in april

44: Have/would you ever have sex in public?

yeah LOL im into some exhibitionist shit tbh

45: Have/would you ever had a threesome?

i would.

46: What is one random object you’ve used to masturbate?

you know those toothbrush holders? yeah. that.

47: Do you watch gay/lesbian porn? why/why not?

i watch all types of porn.

48: Do you like oral sex? (why/why not)

yeah its nice. :)

49: How do you feel about tattoos on someone you are interested in?

i dont care lmAO

50: How would you feel about taking someones virginity?

i think id be nervous LOL but i wouldnt mind? ig

51: Is there any food you would NOT recommend using during a sexual encounter?

tbh i ??? dont see the appeal in this so ??? idk

52: Would you rather be a pornstar or a prostitute?

:/ unsure uhHHHHH the former i guess

53: Do you watch porn?

yeah. not that much anymore but yeah i guess 

54: Have you ever been called a freak? Why?

uh LOL not in a sexual way. but yeah.

55: Do you feel comfortable going “commando”?

yeah i do it a lot

56: Would you have a problem with going down on someone if they hadn’t shaved their pubic hair?

yeah lol idk

57: If you could give yourself head, would you?

i mean???? i guess?????????????

58: Booty or Boobs?

….. uh……………….. booty? ig?

59: Have you ever cheated on someone? (Why?)

no lol

60: If you were the other sex for a day, what are five things you would do?

i’m not comfortable answering this question LOL

61: have you ever watched someone masturbate?

yeah 

62: has anyone ever watched you masturbate?

yeah lol

63. Have you ever had an erection and someone noticed?

n/a

64. What is your method of masturbation? (ie. toys, clitorial, prostate)

i usually just finger myself LOL but ive been using a vibe lately n thats been fun

65. What is your bra/penis size?

i’m not comfortable answering this LOL

66. What is the strangest thing you have ever put up your vagina/anus?

u kno that toothbrush holder thing i mentioned? yeah

67. When was the last time you masturbated?

last night

68. When was the last time you had sex?

april

69. When was the last time you watched porn?

LOL its been a while. i dont even remember

70. Have you ever bought a sex toy? If so, which one did you buy last? First sex toy? If not, which one do you plan on buying when you do?

i bought my first vibrator like. last weekend.

71. Guys:Circumsized?

n/a

72. Which not-genital part of your body do you like being touched?

????? honestly i dont know

73. Which genital part of your body do you like being touched?

tbh i like… anything

74. Girls:Are you able to achieve orgasm just through breast stimulation?

n/a

75. Have you anonymously sent a sexual ask to someone on tumblr?

yeah LOL

76. When was the last time you have had a wet dream?

i dont? remember. 

77. Which wet dream was your favorite?

i was being manhandled in the middle of class. that was fun i guess

78. Is there a friend you would willingly have sex with?

hmmmmmm yeah

79. Is there a celebrity/character you would willingly have sex with?

honestly? i have too many character/celebrity crushes you cant just ask me that LOL. probably all of them

80. Favorite sexual position?

idk

81. Do you like being called a slut or whore in bed?

yes

82. Are you into any BDSM?

ye

83. Have you ever wanted to have sex with someone but knew you couldnt for any reason? Why?

yeah. uhhh like distance. and age. n the fact that they only see me as a friend and nothing more. those are some examples.

84. Do you like dirty talk?

yeah!

85. Are you loud or quiet during sex? Masturbation?

i try not to be but i can get kinda loud LMAO. i can typically control myself in masturbation tho

86. Have you ever been inturrepted during sex or masturbation? Who/what?

once my roommate walked in when i was masturbating and i had to quickly hide everything and pretend i was studying

87. What kind of porn do you like to watch?

honestly? ive watched some twisted shit b4

88. Have you ever confessed to someone that you got an erection over them? What about masturbated to them?

i believe i’ve told someone i’ve masturbated to them b4

89. Have you ever masturbated because your sexual partner wasn’t there when you needed them?

YEA

90. Have you ever had a one night stand? Do you still keep in contact with them?

yeah and no.

91. Have you ever had a friends with benefits? Are they still beneficial?

nope.

92. Ask whatever you want

this requires a question LOL

[theboykingofhell]

(acting anon from earlier!!) i read ur whole thing and its FILLED with rly good info ty!! im british and im looking to start getting into acting but i always shyed away from it in schools etc cause there's always be a dance side to it and :/ no ty id rather eat nails than dance ever. but im rly interested in the acting techniques n stuff u mentioned and id defo read as many posts abt it as u wanted to write :0 ty for your time!!

OK YEAH now that i actually have time and by that i mean i have no time there’s like three things i’m supposed to be doing rn but i want to stall starting them lmfao I’MMA TALK MORE ABOUT THIS RN

imma be real i cant remember all the things i mentioned in that post i wrote and i cant be bothered to go back and look so IF YOU EVER HAVE A SPECIFIC QUESTION LITERALLY ASK ME ANY TIME

oooooooooooh... yeah.. love... babe.... go to acting schools lol it’s not even JUST the fact that they literally teach you how to act but. you. need to network. god. especially since you ARE british, acting schools are very important because a lot of companies will pretty much hire you based on what school you went to. just the short amount of time i was there made this VERY obvious that it is VERY hard to get picked up by a company if you haven’t gone to school, and getting picked up by a company is how you get consistent theater work for YEEEEEEARS...!!! also, usually a school will give you a rly good chance to network by having some sort of showcase at the end where you can get in contact with a bunch of agents and the more famous the school, the more agents see your work and try and help you out!!!!

and, like... the whole dance bit is just a hurdle you’re gonna have to jump. it’s def rly important to just partipate in the classes, you don’t have to be GOOD but it gives you just that little bit of awareness over your body and your movement that you might not have had before and that’s rly important, especially on the stage!! i felt the same way about singing but, man, the more you work at it, the more mangeable it gets. and you don’t want to have this grudge on you forever because it’ll really limit your work :/

but i mean man you don’t actually have to, there’s no set way to become an actor! if you find work, you have that work, it doesn’t matter how you get there t b h. i just think it helps and the more skills you acquire, the better of a chance you have to get that work...

(i RLY suggest lamda, it’s a hard school get into but it’s one of the best if not the best and also the education is beautiful and ALSO lamda-trained actors get the most consistent work because the uk just nuts all over itself about lamda-trained actors)

BUT YEAH. ACTING TECHNIQUES. GONNA FINALLY ADD A CUT LOL

i’m only gonna talk about these vaguely cuz tbh i’m not as ~studied~ as i should be because i’ve been far too lazy until now to actually sit down and read acting textbooks but HERE’S THE GIST....

stanislavsky is like... pretty much the most well-known most taught acting technique. so many of the other techniques you learn BUILDS on his work. there’s a huge range of shit that he’s got to offer because his and later similar teachings are SO focused on realism (which tbh is a very new thing in acting), but some of the most important is stuff like emotional recall and objective work aaaaand character building by using yourSELF and projecting it onto the character. it’s a very psychological form of acting and it’s... MY BASIS but not actually my fave!

now, a lot of parts of it is very useful. emotional recall, for one, is SUPER nice. it’s a very good way to build that vulnerability up, tear down a lot of walls and explore how to summon emotions up....

my first exercise with stanislavsky, i remember them making us lie down and pretty much meditate, and then you listened as the teacher described a bunch of things: your favorite beach as a child and what it felt like, all these sensory memories about the smells and tastes and sights of the beach. and then it moved on to the night of your first kiss, your first love, and then your first loss. a nice basic range of basic emotions, and then you build on that.

stanislavsky (and stuff like uta hagan who wrote a RLY great book that i havent finished reading yet but it’s a GREAT way to rly build on the technique) rly encourages taking yourself and putting it into the character. SO!!!! if your character is going through their first break-up, summon the feelings and memories of your first break-up and push that into your lines, so on and so forth.

the big criticism with stanislavsky and all the techniques like them is that it COULD be very unhealthy for you... considering it’s all about reliving and reliving old memories. and i agree, i mean, one of my favorite plays and one of my monologues of choice for auditions is from a play where the main character is kidnapped and raped, and i’ve been kidnapped and raped before so i am CONSTANTLY and purposely triggering myself just to perform that monologue well. THAT AIN’T RIGHT! helps tho! 

(stuff like method acting falls under stanislavsky and his successors strasberg and stella adler, so....! you can see why not everyone fucks with it)

MY criticism about stanislavsky, which is why it doesn’t work as much for me, is that it’s very VERY heavily text-based. uhhh THIS IS LONG ALREADY SO SOMEONE SEND AN ASK ABOUT OBJECTIVES AND I’LL EXPLAIN but they want you to do a lot in the moment that makes it very distracting if you don’t have this process pinned down and that’s AGGRAVATING FOR ME ANYWAY

chekov is another technique that’s interesting, again not a fave but VERY helpful. this one builds character more from the outside in, it’s all about like... a lot of very subtle details that you can add to the background to add color to your performances. a lot of it is about atmospheres, attitudes, body language, and how that affects your character and how your character is thinking through the scene. it’s VERY reactionary and very fun because you don’t have to think NEARLY as much. 

pretty much you form... gestures, or moods for your characters, and instead of perfoming an ‘action’ (stanislavsky thingy, i’ll explain that in another post i guess), you’re using this ‘gesture’ to explain yourself. it is far FAR more abstract than stanislavsky, which is a lot more technique and exact, and it’s very vague, which does make it very hard for people. it also doesn’t stress realism like stanislavsky and company does, so it’s not as popular at the moment!

 meisner technique is my second favorite technique and kind of hard to explain because i haven’t rly gotten a comprehensive course in it yet besides a few workshops and activities, but it’s a technique that stresses STRESSES ‘listening’. that’s something you hear a lot as an actor, it’s one of the hardest things to really get but it’s also, truly, the essence of good acting. you can’t be a good actor if you don’t listen, because if you don’t listen, you’re not in the moment, and if you’re not IN the moment, you’re just... reciting lines!!!

it’s so hard to explain so i’mma link a cute video i just found because it shows a lot of variety and also shows the actors messing up a lot and it’s cute omfg

it focuses a lot of repetition (either of the same one line for each person or they’re both doing the same line back and forth) which forces the actor to not think about what’s being said but how it’s being said. you’re stuck in the moment because you KNOW what you’re gonna say, you don’t have to worry about saying anything else, all you gotta worry about is what the other person does and how you’re gonna react to it. if they suddenly start screaming in your face UHH YOU’RE GONNA SCREAM BACK HOW DARE YOU? and it’s automatic and SO natural and that’s why i love it, because you don’t have to THINK through it. you don’t rly think through your life like they make you do in other techniques, so i adore the ability to not have to do that on stage.

however i’ve never gotten far enough in the technique to find out how to apply it to a set script but it might just be about building that openness to just... DO and BE and let whatever happens happens, which is NICE

LAST THING THAT I’LL TALK ABOUT IS FUCKING GROTOWSKI YE  S. ok so a lot of techniques overlap, so by this i’m also talking about lecoq and peter brook’s acting techniques. it’s all physical theatre which is all about the GROTEQUE and like UGH there’s so many fascinating things honestly just google ‘theatre of cruelty’ because it’s FASCINATING

the emphasis is... not rly on realism altho the acting i’ve seen come out of it is the most realistic i’ve seen? it’s rly gritty and about accessing the most... EXTREME of emotions, it’s about rly grasping human nature and twisting it and bringing it on stage. peter brook especially (who has a book called the empty stage or something like that that i got to read) stresses that... theatre shouldn’t be about costumes and sets and whatever, it should be just about the actor, and that you can do a PERFECTLY GOOD show with a completely empty stage, with just the actor in the center.

it also has an emphasis on YANKING the audience into the show and being very interactive and like... nothing’s held back, it should be hard to watch, THEATRE SHOULD BE CATHARTIC AND FUCKED UP AND YES.

so physical theatre involves pulling emotions from the body through your movement. life isn’t just about the mind, after all, your body holds emotions through it, there’s chemicals and hormones and what your body does on its own and against other bodies and just. again, hard to explain so HERE’S SOME COOL VIDS THAT SHOWS DIFFERENT TECHNIQUES AND COMPARES THEM ALL

i lied there’s one more technique i wanna mention: it’s called alba emoting! it, again, builds on the idea that trying to access emotions through the brain is UNHEALTHY AND DANGEROUS and that you can, instead, try and access it through the body! how???? cuz emotions are PHYSICAL. you feel sadness and anger and love and whatnot in your gut and chest and through your head and all through every nerve in your body, right????? so why not try and mimic that for the stage???

it’s SUPER COOL because! what you do with alba emoting is: affix yourself a certain way. it involves certain body postures or positions, certain expressions sometimes... EVERY time it depends upon a different breathing pattern... and all you gotta do is do it. and your body doesn’t know better, it gets tricked into it...!

so, if i were to alba emote fear... it’s hard to describe through text rather than do it but this one might be the clearest one... part of the positioning is to have your hands up in front of you, as if you’re trying to ward someone off or shield yourself. you have your mouth open, you have your eyes stuck to the floor in a submissive sort of way, (there’s more that i cant describe but then) you start to make yourself hyperventilate by taking short, quick breaths through your mouth. after a few seconds of this, your body just starts SHOOTING adrenaline through you because it starts thinking WHOA SOMETHING BAD’S HAPPENING I’M AFRAID?FUCKFUCKFUCK

and that continues until you stop! you can stop at any time and then just go. you get left with a ‘residue’ (which is very chekov in nature in that it ‘colors’ your performance) where you can just act and do the lines and do your actions (stanislavsky) without worrying about needing to push any fear into yourself because it’s THERE, it’s PRESENT and whatever happens in the scene will either alliviate it or make it worse!!!

it’s a BEAUTIFUL way to prepare for a scene right before you go on stage too omg. last semester we were doing julius ceasar, and there was a scene where i had to play a servant who just witnessed a murder and just. go in and beg for my life and the life of my master. so i did the fear emote, and then my friend (playing my master at the moment) decided to talk to me in character and give me the order to throw myself in front of the murderers and LMFAO by the time i ran on there i was like fucking in tears i was so terrified HA

THERE ARE SO MANY MORE TOO IT’S SO FUN YOU JUST GOTTA GO AND SEE WHAT WORKS FOR YOU WHOO!!!!!! HOPE THIS WAS FUN AND HELPFUL YES