#call of duty is actually fourth lol

[youredyingthatsallthereis]

sometimes i think about writing a call of duty dead space au but i love the boys too much to hurt them like that

[fushiguwu]

you look so lonely in here. getou suguru

CHAPTER 2 from the Summer Fever's serie!

warnings: this is just a silly short chapter to give context to the next one, nothing really happens. reader smokes weed, gojo's stupid ass being stupid, mimiko and nanako appears.

words: 1.1k

a/n: sorry bout the lazy dividers lol

MINORS DNI!

Actually, you don’t even remember getting home that night, waking up in your bed still dressed as yesterday and the makeup glued to your face and pillow. Suguru now looked like a blur in the dark— you really did drink too much. What did he look like again? You don’t remember quite well, unless for his tender voice echoing in your head randomly through the day. All the things he said to you, rounding your thoughts when you least expected, the whole time. As the week passed by, you kept yourself busy doing absolutely nothing at all by the pool, just enjoying the privilege of uselessly on summer break, and trying your very hard not to think about the charming mysterious man you accidentally met a few days before. 

And when you start to think it was all too good to be true, there’s Gojo appearing like some kind of haunting ghost in the seat right next to you, with his bright smile. Your eyes even ached behind the sunglasses.

“You look so lonely in here, you know?” 

“Is that so?” you weren’t bothered by the loneliness at all. 

“Yes! I don’t want you to spend your summer all alone by the pool, looking like a depressed teenager in an indie french movie…” Wow. That was specific. “So I’ve called out my friend who has daughters your age and he’s bringing them here today”. What the actual fuck?

“Gojo, I ain't no child, what the hell are you thinking? Just because we have the same age we’re becoming friends, like in middle school?” you were really pissed off. Who does he  think he is, some kind of supernanny? Oh, you seem to have no friends, take these twenty year old girls and be happy? 

“Hum, yes. Pretty much it. Good luck, there’s no coming back, they’re actually coming up right now”. Nice, you thought, as hurried up to your room to take a bath and look as presentable as you could. You didn’t quite enjoy visitors, but would do it for Gojo’s starving-for-stepdad-duties ass.

And they came: Mimiko and Nanako, his friend’s daughters. They looked kind of familiar, but you couldn't remember where you’ve met them before. You didn’t know what to do, to talk about, to act like. They must’ve come out of pity. Oh, poor girl, spent her last couple years out of the country and lost all her friends. Let's pay her a visit to make dad happy. Or something like that. The three of you were sitting by the pool, as Gojo hid himself behind the door to spy on you and make sure you’re making new friends. That’s when one of them, who you think is Nanako, finally breaks down the growing tension between the –four of you..

“Do you wanna smoke some weed?” She would whisper. Your eyes shined. Gojo couldn't know about it, so you looked behind to see him pretending to fix something in the door step. You were almost sure he didn’t hear what Nanako said, but your poker face was beyond obvious towards him.

“Yeah, but we gotta head to my room”

You expected a lot of things, but definitely not this. Are you complaining? Definitely not, too. So the two girls go up to your room with you, excluding the fourth intruder, who was left in the living room, looking proud of himself. Yes! You were making friends! With his friend’s daughters! What a victory for a stepdad. His duty was fulfilled. Cheers to Gojo, the best stepdad in town!

You don’t remember exactly what you guys were laughing about, but it was probably your third blunt hitting. 

“What do you mean your dad doesn't know you guys smoke? We’re gonna get into some real problems here if Satoru opens that door”. It just made Mimiko and Nanako laugh more.

“Hey, what are you guys laughing at? I’m serious!” You couldn’t help but laugh too, even though you were really talking seriously. 

Your room’s door was closed, but not locked. The three of you were sitting on your bed, just beside the opened window that gave a full view of the closed suburban neighborhood outside. The sky darkened in different shades of orange as the sun was setting in front of you. You didn’t expect it to come like this, though; to have such a good time with your stepdad friend’s daughters. Or perhaps it was just the drug effect. Either way, you felt good.

“He doesn’t know, but it doesn’t mean he prohibits us, too, u know? We’re not lying, just omitting.” says Mimiko. Mimiko, Nanako, these names didn’t seem strange, you knew it. Suddenly, a snap activates the memory in your brain. 

“Weren’t you at my moms wedding, two years ago? I mean, her wedding with Gojo.” They look at each other trying to remember, then their faces show the same snap you just did.

“Yes! Oh my god, yes! How could I forget?” Nanako starts “We were there! It was beautiful. Dad couldn’t go. He had, hum, work to do, I guess. Gojo-san got really upset, though.” 

“I see…” suddenly, there’s something weird in the atmosphere again. You weren't so sure if you wanted to know about his work. Or about him, at all. And when you were about to change topics, a huge car just stopped by your house and got all the attention in the room. It didn't take long for the car to honk loudly.

“Dang it, dad got here too soon” Mimiko seemed genuinely upset as she looked down the window, hiding the blunt away. Nanako sighed out. A loud horn is heard again. “We’re coming!” They scream for him out of the window. You get up and lend them a perfume to cover up the weed smell. You didn’t get to the door with them, as observed through your window the girls getting into the car. You see Gojo waving for his friend from the sidewalk, and Mimiko and Nanako waving for you from the car’s window. You wave back, as finish the blunt left behind. From the window you followed the car leaving, not once seeing Geto’s face

Nanako texted you late that night about Mimiko’s upcoming surprise birthday party this weekend. You did listen to Gojo talk about it the night you got to the bar with Nobara, you just didn't know who they were yet. And then, you thought of Suguru again, after a whole day of distractions. You bit your lip remembering his eyes on you, putting your hands in your throat and squeezing it, imagining it was his instead. Your mouth and feets start to tingle from the marijuana effect, a hot spread up your body and you wonder if maybe you should get some sleep before it gets out of hand.

[jellyfitzjelly]

Please do write that fanfic of Ruyi and Ling Yunche. Both of them deserve the whole world 😭

Anon sorry for leaving you hanging I swear I am working on it! It's an AU where Ruyi marries Yunche instead of Hongli! Here is the beginning of my fic! I might actually post it as a standalone... Under a cut because it's long lol.

Ling Yunche looks between the doors of the Cold Palace every night when he’s on duty, and watches the fairy crying in the moonlight. She reminds him of the beautiful and tragic fox demon of his hometown’s folk song, condemned to cry forever under the moon with no possibility to join her human lover in the underworld. He misses his village so much. The capital is big and foreign to him, and the palace is a whole world contained within high red walls. He is blessed to have his sweetheart and his childhood friend here with him. They form Yunche’s own world, a cocoon of familiarity and warmth.

The beautiful, sorrowful girl looks terribly lonely in comparison.

He hears the other guards talk about her. She’s an Ula-Nara, the precious daughter of a powerful Manchu family now fallen. Her aunt was the lofty empress of the Forbidden City, but she is now locked away in her palace and disgraced. They say the favorite son of the Emperor wanted to marry her, courting his parents’ wrath. The Emperor was so enraged he ordered to have her thrown in the Cold Palace, even though she does not belong here. Yunche finds her lover a very weak man. Who wouldn’t feel chivalrous looking at that delicate face? And yet he lets her rot here, bending like tall weed in the wind to his parents’ will and marrying the women they have prepared for him. He should have eloped with her, he reasons, and escaped the capital. She must be heartbroken to have placed her love in such a fickle man. He always makes a prayer for her to find a better man, though he grimly knows that beautiful women have tragic fates more often than not. His Yanwan is certainly not as beautiful as this fairy, but she is his and she sings like a goddess. They have loved each other since they could remember. Her father was a joyous though incompetent man, spoiling her rotten when he was still alive. Yunche chases away the memories, not wishing to start thinking of his own parents, buried in his hometown. He has grown up a wild child with no parents to love him. But one day, he promises himself, he shall have a family again.

If the heavens have eyes, they will grant this beautiful girl a family too.

He watches her every night, hearing her quiet sobs. This time though, she turns around and in the semi-darkness, the moonlight is reflected in her eyes like precious jewels. Yunche should do the sensible thing and close the doors lest the girl starts screaming, but his hands refuse to obey him. The fairy approaches him slowly, the simplicity of her attire highlighting the porcelain of her skin and the delicate features of her face. It is as if the statue of a goddess had suddenly gained a life of its own.

“Who is this?” the beauty calls quietly.

“I am Ling Yunche, guard of the Cold Palace!” he whispers back. “And you, beautiful fairy, who are you?”

She looks at him, blinking in obvious surprise. He wants to smash his forehead against the heavy doors, cursing his foolishness.

“Beautiful fairy?” she repeats, confused, her brows furrowing.

“Oh, forgive me! You must be a ghost, rather than a fairy,” he jests to hide his mortification.

Her chuckle is a delightful sound, and her smile is as sweet as honey and as bright as the sun in summer. What possessed her man to abandon her?

“I am Ula-Nara Qinying, daughter of Naerbu.”

“So it is true? You are the woman the fourth prince wanted to marry?”

He sees her face contorts in hurt, and he curses himself once again for his blunder.

“Hey,” he continues, eager not to leave her with a dreadful impression of him, “if you need anything, call for me. I shall do what I can.”

“Thank you, Ling Yunche,” she smiles.

After that they speak leisurely when he is on duty at night, and familiarity has yet to succeed in making her startling beauty fade. He shares his cheap wine with her, and tries to make her laugh. She must be a fairy in disguise, he muses. She loves music and poetry, though she cannot dance; she loves to embroider swallows on her younger sister’s handkerchiefs; she likes to look at the moon when it is full. He never knew such a woman existed. Regularly he wonders how unlucky she is to have given her heart to such an ungrateful man. He never visits her, nor enquires after her. He lives his luxurious life, and has forgotten his sweetheart.

Finally, she is allowed to go back to her parents. She still looks heartbroken, but she gives him a smile as she thanks him for taking care of her. He does not see her again, though he regularly dreams of the fairy sobbing under the moonlight.

Yunche is promoted a week later, and he tells himself that perhaps her man is not so much of a cad as he believed him to be.

[wolfgang1097]

What's up folks, this is Ari. For quite sometime, actually ever since I downloaded the remaining Spy vs. Spy paperbacks from Anna's Archives back in mid to late September, while I was checking out "Missions of Madness" (which is, of course, a reprint of "The Fourth Declassified Files of Spy vs. Spy") the strip "For Whom the Belle's Toad" became one of my favorite paperback strips (I do have several more select favorite paperback strips, though) for some reason.

WARNING: SPOILER IN EFFECT

It's the one where Black pulls a prank on White when the latter was reading "The Princess and the Frog" in the park. This strip is one of many that basically implies that Black is very comfortable with the supernatural when he casually devised his plan with a local hag of a witch in the woods.

See.

I swear, the witch cursing herself into a frog like that is so well done. I'm pretty sure that's going to give little kids nightmares. Another reason why Prohias's era of the comics, especially the paperback comics, is so freak'n good.

Then we've got this:

LOL at how Black straight up runs around with a witch's broom like that and then lures White to the frog. Of course, instead of suspecting that this was obviously a bulls*** prank Black was trying to pull, White thinks back to the book and kisses the frog, thinking that it should be a princess who needs help.

Okay, gotta love that close-up of White kissing the frog here. It's so freak'n priceless. Then again, those eyelashes on him, though LOL.

The second White broke the frog's curse, instead of a princess like he read in the book, he ended up making a fat ugly witch fall in love with him. I swear to god, his reaction once he finds out is just more priceless.

See. I mean, White's reaction here is basically me when I get called in for jury duty earlier than expected.

The last image, when White was forcibly married to the witch, who is lustfully carrying him to their car has got to be the most priceless.

White's face here is basically me having to come in for jury duty. I also just love how Black is barely holding back his laughter like that. I swear, Black is such a wise-ass. Throughout this entire strip in general, practically every single panel is just so hilarious and absolutely very well done through and through. I mean, I have been dying to see the paperback comics, like this one for example, for months.

What do you guys think? Is this among one of your personal favorite Spy vs. Spy paperback strips, or is one that you at least enjoy? If so, feel free to share why. One final note: Yes, I wish this was made into an animated short for MADtv (the 90s series), I wish the same for Doggie Bagged and the Model Detective.

I do not claim ownership of any content. Spy vs. Spy belongs to the defunct MAD magazine and Antonio Prohias.

[transgenderknothead]

Oh sweets do I got a request for you! Allow me to paint a picture for ya, David x rival gang vampire! Reader like the reader is part of arrival vampire gang from out of town and for some reason her gang has business with Max so they all kind of show up, and her and a couple of her pack members run into the boys at the boardwalk. Like some rivals to lovers type shit hehehe:) (sorry if that's a lot of info this idea is just been rolling around in my head for a while lol, please tag me in it if you decide to write it if not that's cool I hope you have an amazing day!!)

Pairing: David x Rival gang! Reader

Pronouns used: They/Them

Type: Semi-angst? to fluff

POV: Reader

"Alright Y/N, are you ready?" One of the girls asked.

"Let's get this over with," I rolled my eyes. We'd gotten some business in Santa Carla, old debts, to settle. Which unfortunately meant we'd be running straight into our rival gang's territory.

When we'd arrived at the old CD store our boss had told us to wait for him outside, that he'd only be a minute. A small group of us leaned against our bikes, people watching meant something entirely different for a gang of vampires.

"Well, well, well," a blondie wearing a brightly patterned jacket smirked, "look what we have here."

It wasn't until the fourth boy showed up that any of us recognized the group. His whiteish blond hair and leather jacket glistened in the bright lights of the city. He wore a smug look on his face as he eyed me carefully.

"What are you doing here?" David raised an eyebrow.

"None of your business," one of my partners hissed.

"Oh, but you're standing in front of a shop run by our boss," his stupid grin grew wider, "which leads me to believe it is."

I shifted on my feet; I was the oldest in our group and that meant being the one our boss trusted the most. Which is why I knew that the man we were here to see was our bosses father, from before either of them had been turned. I was not excited to figure out what 'settling old debts' meant anymore.

"Boys, play nice," a tall man walked out behind our boss, his hand on her shoulder.

"Why are they here?" David asked Max.

"Well, my daughter here owed me something, just a few years of commitment here in Santa Carla is all," our boss did not look happy, understandably so.

"You mean she'll be here with us for the next few years," the blond with fluffy hair pointed at our boss.

"They all will," a few of us started to stutter, but I couldn't seem to form any words inside my head.

By the end of the first few months our rivalry had settled a little bit into minor disdain. And I was forced to admit that the Lost Boy's leader had kind of grown on me.

"Hey Y/N," David called me over from his wheelchair. I had been off duty tonight so I was stuck in the cave with him until the others got back.

"What?" I crossed my arms, stopping just a few feet in front of him.

"You've been staring at me since we left," he leaned on one of his armrests, "and one of you friends informed me that you appear to hate us slightly less than everyone else."

"Okay? What's your point?"

"My point is, if you wanna stay I don't think anyone would be upset with you," he winked. I was flabbergasted to say the least, but I would be lying if I told him he was wrong. So, I screwed my mouth shut and walked away, listening to his light chuckle as I did.

After another few weeks had passed I decided that I should talk to my boss about what he had said. My boss explained that it was actually them who told David what they saw, and that he was right, no one would be upset at me for staying after the rest of the group left. I sighed in defeat, I knew that I would have to talk to David again after that. No doubt my boss would say something.

And I was right, because later that day he'd walked up behind me and sat next to me on the rocks.

"Your boss told me you're staying," David's eyes bore into mine.

"Yeah, guess I am," I looked back at the water. I barely felt it when he put his hand on my lower back, really only knowing he did it when he fully wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me into him. I guess I could get used to him.

[theunrealinsomniac]

As you know, I'm not familiar with your NaruSaku kid OCs. Character and design-wise, how do you imagine them being different from the more famous fankids, Shinachiku, Hanami, and Arashi?

In fairness D, I don't think anyone other than me is actually familiar with my NS kids lol, but I gather your meaning lol.

Okay, let's be clear first and foremost cos I have run into this problem before and I don't want anyone to misunderstand me when I say something in a moment.

I have no ill will against Shinachiku, Hanami and/or Arashi. I've just been here a long time and the NS kids I came up with have been knocking around my noodle for a lot longer than Shinachiku has ever even existed. I have my own, I'm not dropping them for anyone or anything. I'm also not co-opting them and merging my characters with them either. I patently refuse.

It's rude you know?

Cool? Cool.

As for differences beyond the obvious, there's four of my kids, they look different slightly, well you'll have to tell me, I don't know too much about them outside of the bits and pieces I've gleaned from other fic and art.

I strongly suspect the biggest difference is less to do with the kids and more to do with the differences between my Naruto and the Naruto we typically see in stuff about Shina et al.

We are made who we are by the people who raise us, no matter how much we may fight against it as adults, we are the people who came out of our parents/guardians parenting. For good or ill, we are all reactions to our parents, so if my Naruto is different to everyone who writes Naruto for Shina etc ... well I'll have different kids.

I very much get a bumbling sitcom dad/fourth child vibe from Shina and his siblings' dad. And that's fine, it's a perfectly fun and popular take on how Naruto would be as an adult and parent.

I just ... disagree.

I think this comes slightly from two key differences between me and the majority of fanfic writers still knocking around in the NaruSaku sphere.

I'm a man.

I'm a father.

So I have a distinctly unique perspective on fatherhood to most of the people writing Naruto as a dad for NaruSaku. Not a better one to be clear, just a different one.

And because of this, any particular differences between Shina, Hanami and Arashi with my four kids, Sachi, Ichika, Yuuto and Akihiko ... would be kinda like comparing apples and oranges to be honest.

So what I'm going to do instead is just describe the four of them as just them. And you'll have to tell me if that's like Shina etc or not like them.

I do actually have a post where I detail my kids a bit but I was a bit lackadaisical on physical descriptions. So this post will focus on that and I will link the other post with more of their personalities here.

Now, let's start with the appearance of the eldest Uzumaki child.

Sachi Uzumaki

Sachi is our eldest, she's got pink hair a couple shades darker than her mum, eyes just a little lighter blue than her dad and her face is mostly a perfect mix of both her parents, except for the grin. She's got her dad's grin and mouth. Her hair has been all sorts of length but as she settles into teens and active ninja duty, it is cut just a little longer than Sakura's was for most of the story.

When she hits her full height she stands at 5 foot 7, has a generally toned physique like most ninja and kunoichi do with one key exception. Sachi Uzumaki's arms are jacked. Girls got guns and knows how to use them lol. Think an Olympic swimmer for reference but not quite as bulky.

As for clothes, she typically dresses for action, she's what we who grew up in the 90s and early 00s would call a tomboy. There's a general mixing of colours, Sachi is very comfortable being the centre of attention and her clothing reflects this. While she's never gone out wearing full orange or anything like her dad, she has been known to walk around wearing some of Naruto's old jackets.

She does love a good pair of combat boots, the laces normally being fluorescent colours. Sachi's go to look from about the age of fourteen was an oversized top of some primary colour, normally blue, light grey trousers like the ninja uniform and sometimes Naruto's old jacket, sometimes a black leather jacket with the Uzumaki and Haruno symbol, which Naruto and Sakura made once they got married and merged their clans, yes I like this idea too, I'm sure it's also all over the other fankids lol, she wears her headband over her forehead to keep her hair out of her face and because she won't shy away from headbutting people with it.

Ichika Uzumaki

Ichika, Ichi to the family, is Naruto and Sakura's second daughter, sometimes their second or third child depending on the story.

She typically keeps her blonde hair long, think Kushina's lengths for the most part, but the style changes from braids to long flowing locks depending on her mood. She has the same shape and shade of green eyes as Sakura and like all of her siblings, Naruto's grin and mouth. But aside from her mouth it's all Haruno all the way down, you could see Ichika from a mile away and pick her out as basically a blonde Haruno.

She's very lithe to contrast her more muscular sister, if Sachi has a swimmer's body, Ichika has a gymnast's. She's also a few inches shorter than her sister and when all four of the kids are adults, she's the shortest of the bunch at 5 foot 3.

In yet another contrast to her big sister, Ichika is decidedly more traditionally feminine in her attire, favouring pinks and baby blues in her clothing. She's also more inclined to dresses and skirts. She loves summer because it's an excuse to wear sundresses and she loves a good sundress.

It does contrast to what she wears when on mission or training, she favours more form-fitting and close clothing in that scenario and her go to ninja gear is basically the typical uniform but with leggings and turtleneck under her eventual Chunin and Jonin vests. She wears her headband like a belt buckle.

Yuuto Uzumaki

Yuuto, Yuu to the family, is their first son, normally their third child, sometimes second.

He's a dead ringer for child!Naruto. If it weren't for his hair being less spiky and more flowing, think Minato basically, and his eyes being a couple shades lighter green than Sakura's you wouldn't be able to pick out which was five year old Naruto and five year old Yuuto. It's uncanny.

That is until he hits puberty, and his hair gets longer and his face more angular and it's like looking at Minato Namikaze's face on Hokage Mountain come to life. He styles his hair differently but if Sachi is a blend of Uzumaki and Haruno and Ichika is a Haruno ... Yuuto is a Namikaze. At least in the face. Body wise he's basically the same as Naruto, muscular in an agile way with a bit more bulk than his dad and standing at a full 6 foot, the same height as his dad. I don't care if he's actually 5 foot 10 in canon, it's my world now lol.

Yuuto wears as much black as he can as well. It's actually somewhat comical to see the flash of colour at the top of him, blond hair and a dark red headband over his forehead, and then just all black. Black dress shirt open at the second button and untucked, black jeans and black boots. If it didn't suit him so well, he'd get made fun of viciously by his siblings.

He forgoes the Chunin and Jonin uniform unless he's directly ordered to or it's a formal occasion and in fairness to the boy ... it does look weird on him.

Honestly, he looks a bit like a stylish super saiyan lol.

Akihiko Uzumaki

And last but not least, Akihiko. Aki or Koko to his family, I will let you guess who calls him what, but let's just say only Sachi gets away with calling him one of them.

Anyway, Akihiko has dark pink hair, which almost darkens to a very, very light red when he hits early adulthood. He keeps it shorter than the rest of his family, not buzzcut short or anything but no longer than the bottom of his ears. It's still a mess of hair though, no sign of mousse or hair gel lol. As an older man he even grows a beard.

He's the child who most resembles Sakura facially, including the forehead. But his eyes are a glorious merge of blue and green. Honestly they're quite astounding to look at. And of course he has Naruto's mouth and that damn grin.

He's a bit shorter than his brother and father, coming in at 5 foot 11 when he stands up straight and 5 foot 10 when he slouches, which is often. And he is very lanky, he's the least muscular of his family and that actually makes him look taller than he is because of how willowy he is.

Clothing wise, I dunno how to really put it, he dresses normally? Akihiko basically dresses to blend in, he doesn't stand out and he'd really rather you didn't look at him too long. Lots of earth tones and dulled colours. His headband is the brightest thing, and he ties it around his upper left arm on a flash of pink cloth.

And that's basically it for now. I hope this was worth the wait and let me just remind everyone that my takes on Naruto and his kids are just that, mine.

I have nothing but respect for people who use Shinachiku, Hanami and Arashi as their NS kids, but maybe now you've learned a bit about mine ... you'll see why I'm so attached to them. And I hope you look forward to reading the future stories I have about my Uzumaki family.

Ta ra!

[bubbledumbbinch]

Okay so can I ask for some general headcanons for a Fem!MC in twst? The game has gender-neutral pronouns for the MC so far and it's an all boys school. How do you think the characters reaction/interactions would change if the MC was female? (if all are too much you can just pick your faves, maybe just include the octa and Savannahclaw dorm?) Just your thoughts and some brainrot💖

I think the boys would definitely be a lot more flirtatious to fem!MC!!! (I just wanna call her FeMC so I could say… fem… with a c at the end LOL). This is an all boys school, what do you expect?!

These are mostly short I’m sorry! I wanted to try to fit everyone in!

Ramshackle

Grim would lay at night curled up beside you. On days when your period hit, Grim would sense you in pain and get near your abdomen and purr. He feels like it’s an instinctual thing to do and if if helps out his minion, he’ll do it! Plus there’s tuna in it for him, right? Pet his ears too!

Heartslabyul

Riddle would definitely blush when you are around, but not too heavily! Sure he finds you attractive but it won’t stop him from fulfilling his duties as a dorm leader! He can’t help himself when he gets flustered talking to you since the only woman he grew up around was his strict mother. Since you’re different compared to her, he can’t tell but feel warmth from you which he wants to keep in his heart.

Ace and Deuce would make jokes at each other’s expense, both of them sorta going neck and neck trying to compete for your attention! They know you guys are just friends… unless..? 😳 Ace would make the snarky remarks while Deuce would threaten to beat Ace up.

Trey would act the same towards you, knowing he has to be a respectful upperclassman! You ALMOST can’t tell he sets aside the cupcake with more fruits or decoration on it for you at the Unbirthday party. Trey would give his signature smirk and wink as he sets it down in front of you.

Cater would take you on shopping sprees and outings to have so many photo opportunities with NRC’s only female student! Girls would flood his comments asking if you were his girlfriend, but he never answered. He secretly hopes you like him back so you could do cute couple things together like match outfits!

Savannaclaw

Leona would still call you herbivore and treat you the same as always. Still as lazy as before. However he can’t help but show off when he plays Magift and you happen to be watching. He lowkey stares at your features and shape of your body when you’re not looking 👀

Ruggie would also mostly act the same towards you, but he would bump into you on purpose so he can have an excuse to touch or smell you! His body tingles when he can smell your scent on the blazer he accidentally knocked into you with! Still treats you the same as ever though!

Jack would be gentler towards you, he knows how rough and big his body is, he doesn’t want to accidentally hurt you! His personality is still the same, don’t think he’ll treat you any differently because you’re a girl!

Octavinelle

Azul would try to make shady deals with you to offer you protection against students who may be too forward with you since you’re a girl. In exchange? For you to work at the lounge! and spend time with him. He secretly likes you but would never tell you to uphold his reputation and he is also afraid of rejection ;w; Azul would also not mind seeing you wearing the lounge uniform, fufufu…

Jade would would act more like a butler type! You also find him nearby sometimes, feeling his striking gaze looking at you. He’s always there when someone is trying to confess to you and you look uncomfortable. “Oya oya, do you need some help, miss?” His voice teasingly echoes through the halls, scaring off the guy who was trying to hit on you. Jade would stretch out his hand and escort you to wherever you needed to go.

Honestly? Unless you had a super “girly” appearance, Floyd wouldn’t have noticed until he gave you a hug to squeeze you, noticing your body was different… more squishy... and your bone structure is different. Shrimpy is so squeezable!!! Huh? He has to be wary of your chest? He’ll just lift you up by your tummy! You being a girl doesn’t stop the hug train!

Scarabia

Kalim wouldn’t treat you any differently! He would still definitely invite you over as often as possible, not realizing his sweetness may come off as flirtatious! Might develop a small crush on you :) imagines all the pretty outfits he could buy you from his homeland

Jamil would at first be wary of you but once he realizes you aren’t a threat to Kalim or the school, he stops doubting you. Definitely isn’t the type to judge you differently based on your gender!

Pomefiore

Vil would smirk and think he finally has someone else to practice makeup on! He definitely uses you as a model to show off his products, whether it be makeup, skincare, clothing, etc!

Rook would be… protective. He likes you because you’re different, and he would subtly follow and stake you out to see what things you’re doing differently at NRC as a girl. Rook offers silent protection against those he sees as a threat to you before you can even notice.

Epel would definitely try to prove his manliness in front of you if Vil isn’t in the vicinity! Going out of his way to carry heavy items, be tough, etc. If YOU tell him he’s manly, it’s certainly gotta mean something right?!

Ignihyde

Idia thinks it’s like some sort of anime trope, you’re the female protagonist and it’s like a reverse harem because the whole school is full of boys! Cough cough breaking the fourth wall here! He would probably be more… nervous around you, not like he would ever get close anyways, but still! The idea of the only girl at school actually being friends with you and maybe becoming more makes his heart beat faster.

Ortho would not. Perceive you any differently LOL. He’d be intrigued would say like “A girl? Cool! The body analyses I’ve done from everyone around you reads their body temperatures higher and their hearts are all beating faste- MMPH!” He would be silenced by ADeuce…

Diasomnia

Malleus…. Once he knows how you don’t fear him and how you like him even without knowing who he is. All he can think of is how beautiful you would be as his queen. Who can blame him? He has priorities and he needs to think of these things! I can also imagine him picking petals off flowers and saying “She loves me… she loves me not…” because he’s romantic like that… my heart

Lilia would use his experience in his vast years of dating to his advantage, knowing what ways to talk to a woman best. He swears he is only flirting with you for fun! The way your cheeks puff up in embarrassment is just too cute to resist! He certainly doesn’t mind a gender neutral MC, but Lilia can appreciate the beauty in every gender and he certainly appreciates your beauty!

Silver said 😪😴 . You notice Silver has more of a knightly approach to you, offering to protect you when you need it. He understands how a situation between one girl and hundreds of male students could provide a sense of fear, so Silver would always be there to protect you if you need!

Sebek would blush when you’re around, but he thinks you’re trying to use feminine charm and wiles to seduce the young master, even though all you did was make a yawn noise, flip your hair, or put on a bit of makeup! You have to explain to him that you aren’t doing anything to try to seduce anybody. You just wanted to go to school. He is doubtful but finally agrees. Maybe he was becoming victim to your charm instead?

[anne-i-write]

moriarty the patriot headcannons pt. 1

| requested by anon: Can you write about all male characters in moriarty has a same look of their  children and hpw many children they want? |

william x reader; louis x reader; albert x reader; sebastian x reader; fred x reader

word count: 2397

pt. 2: 221b boys

a/n: I DONT KNOW WHY I DIDNT WRITE THIS EARLIER IM SO SORRY THIS REQUEST HAS LITERALLY BEEN IN MY INBOX FOR SO LONG I AM SO SORRY I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS

william: 487 words

with his whole plan to clean the world of the filthy nobles, william never really stopped to think about having children

well, until he met you

you both were in town one day and he saw you fondly watching a child speak with her mother

“i think two children would be nice”

“i didn’t even ask”

“i know, but the look you gave that mother was telling enough”

n e ways he is a simp and he did eventually give you what you wanted

fast forward a few years, you have two children: a boy and a girl

and they look exactly like their father

like,, it lowkey pains you how much they physically take after their father

you wanted to be like “oh they have your personality, but they look just like me!”

no

granted, your son took after you in an emotional sense but your daughter was a daddy’s girl through and through

like she looks like him, she acts like him, speaks like him, she even EATS like him

ok but the men w your children

fred is a freaking sweetheart ok

like he’ll watch over the kids when no one has the time and they love him too so they’ll help out in the garden which you are SO thankful for

tbh they only like uncle albert bc he brings them lil trinkets from when he gets back from london LMAO

louis doesn’t show it, but he absolutely adores your children and makes extra snacks for them at tea time

you caught onto this at one point bc for some REASON your kids would not stop bouncing off of the walls before bed and they told you uncle louis gave them chocolate

and sebastian loves messing w your kids bc,,, sebastian

but he accidentally made your son cry ONCE and he was at the mercy of every adult in the moriarty estate including the boy’s younger sister

needless to say, he watched his actions and words around your children after that

now, william

i’m just gonna say this straight out: most of the men never really thought about having kids (save john and albert)

but when you finally had kids, william had a different outlook on life

like fr,, this man works overtime now trying to get rid of the filth that is called nobles

he doesn’t want his kids to be raised in a world where just because you have more money than another means you get to look down on them

you still instill in them those good morals ofc

he also tries to be very present in their lives since he and his brother were raised as orphans

when he was younger, he didn’t mind it all much

but now that he had this small family and a brighter future, he did everything in his power to make sure they’re happy and grow up in a cleaner and kinder world

louis: 320 words

it took you a week to get him to at LEAST humor you

“if you could, how many kids do you want?”

“none”

like, this guy is so dedicated to his brother and his cause it is a WONDER you somehow wormed your way into his heart

but you did and honestly, the brothers are actually very happy that you’re with them

william especially

louis rarely emotes but when you came into their lives, you got louis pissed at one point and everyone was like,,,, wtf?? he has emotions???

anyways, his answer is one kid LMAO

and when you get that one kid, he looks just like louis

yall already KNOW that he’s ready to die for that child as soon as louis holds him in his arms

the only kid sebastian wouldnt even try to mess with

he can deal with william’s albert’s or fred’s kids but louis lowkey intimidates him so he’s as nice as he can be

that being said, louis teaches his kid how to properly handle stuff around the house

you want to cry bc ur son is just so??? the little kid just loves helping out no matter how small the task and he’s just so cute it hurts

even sebastian’s kinda like,, “aight he’s the only kid i will tolerate”

louis grew up with only his brothers so he also wants to give his son a shot at a normal family

is actually aware at how he thinks he’s indispensable for william’s cause and he doesn’t want his son to end up like him

he also teaches his son some badass fighting moves

oh and louis smiles a lot more too

cried bc his son saw the scar he got on his cheek, rubbed some dirt on his lil face and said “i have daddy’s cool scar now”

all in all his son is the best thing to happen to all of you

albert: 505 words

same as louis in the fact that it takes him a week to answer

“you know you haven’t even answered my question”

“i’m sorry, what did you say?”

“how many kids do you want?”

genuinely takes time to ponder that question

he hadn’t thought of that since his family adopted william and louis

but with you?

“i think two darling girls who take after their mother is enough for me”

pls he’d be so sweet 🥺🥺🥺

you two end up having a girl and a boy, who look just like their father

and tbh, you’re not even mad

you love them so much so when albert comes back north, the three of you are ecstatic

the happiness was short lived for albert tho

he found his son spending time with william and there’s nothing bad right????

“where’s your sister?”

“she’s with mr. moran”

his heart DROPPED

out of all the people in the manor

HIM

he sees the two running around the garden

it all happened as soon as albert’s daughter went up to sebastian and said “you’re very pretty! you’re my knight now!”

he decided to “adopt” the little girl and now he’s lowkey whipped

you found albert staring at sebastian playing with his daughter and updated him about everything going on

“but him??”

“he’s just a big softie for her let it go”

isn’t really surprised when he finds out they can fight a little

actually glad that they can hold their own, God forbid anything happens to them

otherwise mi6 has to deal w family matters lmao

“albert, she only tripped”

“you shouldve seen the fear in her eyes as she fell”

“IT WAS A STRAY COBBLESTONE”

would raise hell if anyone even THOUGHT ill of his kids

william and louis are the doting uncles

william more so than louis bc your kids have never seen louis smile

now they’re on a mission to make uncle louis smile

louis was on child duty one day and they managed to slip away

omyGOD he was stressed but also,, extremely worried

so when he found them he had the most genuine smile on his face

your daughter was like (・∀・)

she loves uncle louis

ofc your son adores his dad like,,, who else wouldn't feel awesome at the age of 10 if you found out your dad was a high ranking general

feels superior to sebastian bc of his dad

lmao this 4’5 kid thinks he can rule sebastian for some odd reason

the house is always dirty bc him and sebastian always prank each other

your daughter is trying to catch a butterfly but she can’t so fred helps

instantly loves fred

“is that what heartbreak is”

“i guess that’s what happens when you try to get close to my kids colonel”

albert is kind of afraid of turning into his dad but he has you and everyone else to remind him that: no you are not your father, you are so much better than him

loves your family with his entire being

sebastian: 844 words

“i see you looking at those kids and the answer is none”

lmao you’ll get so pouty around him bc you want kids dammit

that and he spoils you to no end so that's why you’re pouty lol

“fine we’ll only do one kid and bc one kid is all i can tolerate”

bruh

this man gives you three in four years LMFAO

two boys a year apart and a girl in the fourth year

you wanted to smack sebastian

when the two boys grew up, it was obvious they were already taking after their father in the physical sense

it was terrifying

they genuinely look like mini sebastians and you know everyone in the manor is afraid that you two birthed satan

and the satan was your eldest one

he’s just a feral sebastian moran in a tiny body

your second son, god bless him, looked just like his father but with fred’s temperament

and see, you were fine with your sons looking like their father

it was FINE right

you prayed to God that your third child would have at least some physical resemblance to you

your daughter was birthed, she grew up

and you cried

“HOW DO THEY ALL LOOK LIKE YOU”

“i’ve got some strong genetics, baby”

you sulk for a lil bit

but you accept it anyway because you love your goddamn kids

thankfully, your second and youngest child are both soft spoken and it's only your husband and his tiny clone bringing hell to earth

smacking sebastian bc all of your children suddenly started swearing up a storm at each other

“WHYD YOU HIT ME”

“YOURE THE ONLY ONE WHO SWEARS AROUND THE KIDS”

finally sitting down and trying to convince them to stop swearing

“father does it!”

“your father’s stupid”

speaking of your daughter

she’s his little princess and no he will not take criticism

spoils her more than he spoils you

did she glance at a toy at a passing store?

he buys more toys than he should from said store

you have to physically hide some of his money bc there is only so much you can buy

and her older brothers are so caring you want to sob

if a person accidentally shoved her over bc she was tiny and they couldn’t see her

oh boy

get ready to restrain them like chihuahuas

“little sister will be protected at all costs”

since his second son is so different from him, sebastian actively makes time to talk about what the little boy is doing and what he’s getting from it

doesn’t want to be pushy and suffocating like his dad was so when his younger kid does want to be left alone to his devices, sebastian does so

but honestly loves that your second son is so literate

lddhsajdsfk what yall dont know is that they’re all in cahoots

kinda funny to see them all together bc they all take after their father so much it's like having three tiny sebastians go around town

anyways,,,, yall know the promised neverland right

you got ray, norman, and emma

granted one of them wasn’t as smart as ray but he definitely knew what stealth was

regular sibling rivalry was still a thing but if they could smell the pudding from the kitchen, they know they have to work together

sebastian caught his eldest smuggling biscuits into a small bag

he had half a mind to scold him

but then he ended up giving tips TO ALL HIS CHILDREN on how not to get caught next time—

bc of this they beg him to tell them some stories from afghanistan bc “there’s no way a man as old as dad knows this many stealth tactics”

louis is so fed up lmao

albert is in london most of the time so he just thanks the lord that he doesn’t have to deal w the propaganda that sebastian feeds his children about how “mr. albert is a bad man”

william is fine w it as long as they don’t trash the library

your younger ones love the library so they would cry at the thought of one of the books losing any of the pages

your second and your daughter are definitely the moriartys’ favorites

they don’t show it, but you just KNOW

your eldest could care less about that though

as long as you and his father still love him

and of course you both do

and fred is definitely your youngers favorite

they like to hang out in the garden

ok they still fight all the time though

just because your second child is soft spoken doesn't mean he’s afraid to throw hands

their sister likes to join in for the hell of it

but if someone wrongs any of the children

just because the younger ones are the moriartys’ favorite, doesn’t mean that they’re not gonna hunt someone down if they even think about trying to hurt the eldest too

yeah,,, good luck to them and their families

they got the entire moriarty estate coming after them

fred: 241 words

cmon yall are like,, young

but you did ask him bc you were curious if he thought about it

he wants one

and when yall do have the kid, you guys actually do have one kid and its a girl

since you both are young, you can immediately see a resemblance between her and her father

everyone who meets her would die for her

ABSOLUTE CUTIE

especially when she walks around the garden w her hand in her dad’s and he’s showing her all the plants and telling her how to take care of them

needless to say she grows up loving plants

any type of plant

the boys love giving her flowers or anything from bc she has the biggest smile every single time

no matter if it’s just a single rose or a rock

this was found out one time when sebastian gave her a rock bc everyone else had given her like,, two roses each

was afraid she was gonna cry

“thank you so much mr. moran! i will treasure this until i get old!”

she was like 4 at the time

and had the widest smile you’ve ever seen on her

guys u don’t understand she smiles a lot but this was like,, genuine happiness

but everyone was just,, i will destroy the world and myself if anything happens to her

fr it’s just sunshines and rainbows every single time she’s around

everyone just loves her ok

moriarty the patriot general taglist: @zoehanji

[skeilig]

Ranking every Lalo episode by how sexy he is, or: I was in the car for hours today and had to write a listicle to entertain myself.

5.06 “Wexler v. Goodman”

Lalo only has one short scene in this episode, and no dialogue, so this is basically a default choice for least sexy. However, it’s still pretty sexy that he was ready to exchange fire with up to three cops in broad daylight and only decided to surrender when a fourth cop car showed up. LOL. 

5.02 “50% Off” 

While this is the seminal Lacho episode, it is not, in my opinion, a very notable Lalo episode. However, he still has great moments including: giggling and eating snacks while watching Nacho risk his life, cooking lunch for himself and Nacho, and going all dead shark eyes on Nacho until he offers to kill his childhood friend. 

6.05 “Black and Blue”

I’m sure this is a controversially low rating. You can send me anon hate about it, but first, hear me out. The thing is, I love LALO and he’s not LALO in this episode, is he? He’s Ben from America, complete with a standard American accent and fluffy Marvel hair and a personality-devoid suit. However, this episode gets some points for buenos días, Osito :-) I’ve never wanted to be a dog so bad— [gunshots] 

5.01 “Magic Man”

His outfit in the Wernerrrr Zieglerrrr scene is actually one of my least favorites but the outfit he wears to his cartel chicken farm meeting is one of my all-time faves so it balances out. He shows a lot of ankle in this episode and makes an insane homophobic crack about Gus. Solid episode, lots of screen time. 

6.01 “Wine and Roses”

Que se chingue Bolsa, que se chingue Eladio!! Lo voy a lastimar, lo voy a lastimar como usted me dijo y después lo voy a matar, tío! I’ve been repeating that to myself for months, sorry. Solid episode, he got to kill 4 people which was probably a nice release of pent-up emotion for him. 

5.08 “Bagman” 

Out of his two prison-arc episodes, this one is slightly less sexy, but it’s still pretty good. The way he gives Jimmy a hard time about asking for $100k payment for bringing the bail, and the whole scene with Kim is insane, he’s such a creep and a weirdo but that's Not a turn-off for me.

4.09 “Wiedersehen” 

It’s about the softly-lit and softly-spoken monologue to Hector fondly recounting spine-chilling violence. His other scene this episode, at Pollos, is more funny than sexy—with the notable exception of, “I’m just shitting you. You would be crazy to go up against Eladio.” I know that line drips with dramatic irony since Gus ultimately wins but STILL, it’s so hot. I’m docking some points for his disaster ‘fit of a wrinkled untucked pale pink shirt, brown pants and blue loafers. Actually, no, adding the points back in because it’s so funny that he threw that together. Net zero points for the ‘fit. 

6.06 “Axe and Grind”

I’m trying to maintain SOME integrity with this list, and Lalo has less screentime in this episode than in most of the higher ranked episodes. But you guys get it. His five-or-so minute scene in this episode features: being a dick about the German language, wheezing on the ground, carajo I think you broke one of my ribs, and the infamous one-handed belt removal. The only reason this isn’t higher on the list is because Lalo is always SO sexy that this is like, pretty standard stuff for him. It just happens to be super concentrated, 100% strength here, all packed into one short scene. 

5.07 “JMM”

It’s partially the framing of these scenes, isn’t it? Right after Jimmy’s cute courthouse wedding he’s called in for surprise cartel lawyer duties, and Lalo—sorry, Jorge de Guzman—enters the room in his sexy orange jumpsuit and you can feel his narrative weight in each heavy, handcuff-clinking step. And that’s sexy, okay? Plot relevance is sexy. The line “time to get yourself a new motto: just. make. money.” is almost TOO good, TOO clever and on-the-nose, but the delivery sells it I think. 

4.08 “Coushatta”

Lalo’s intro scene is just… so fucking good. He crashes into the narrative at the best-worst time and enters by singing, cooking, and telling Nacho he’s going to die. Hilarious. Also he looks so good in this scene: the waist apron, the hair, his diabolical winking and smiling, his level of comfort with how visibly terrified everyone else is of him. I love that in a man. 

5.03 “The Guy for This”

I will never get tired of watching Lalo torture Jimmy, sorry, it’s the funniest/hottest thing in the world. Jimmy must be really FUN to torture, too, because he gets so nervous and squirmy and runs his mouth a lot. This isn’t meant to sound sexual but if it does, that’s… fine. Anyway. Uh. Yeah, this episode is good. Klah! 

4.10 “Winner”

This is the culmination of Lalo’s season 4 three-episode introduction arc and it’s so fun and really cements him as a member of the cast. The singing, the stakeout, the left-handedness, the road rage, the murder, the arson (in the deleted scene), and of course, “Michael? Is that you?” 🔥 🔥 🔥 

5.10 “Something Unforgivable” 

Is this episode a Lalo cringe compilation? Undoubtedly. Is it also in his top three sexiest episodes? Obviously. I love when he exhibits some emotional range and these last three episodes definitely have that. His insecurity as he works so hard to impress Eladio, and how he tries to open up to Nacho only to be immediately sent to gay super hell… He does his best thinking when everyone else is asleep. What on earth is he talking about? I’d love to find out. 

6.07 “Plan and Execution” 

Let me just copy-paste what I wrote immediately after watching this episode. Ahem *clears throat* — this was the #1 sexiest lalo episode ever, and it’s because it had the most RANGE: his sewer rat truck stop lifestyle, flip flops, SHOWER SCENE, insane-girl-vlogging, perfectly styled hair while sitting in a storm drain for the 4th day in a row, gnawing on snacks like a little rat, getting sad and calling his uncle, temper tantrum, getting played by gus and then immediately playing gus back, the fly-fishing OVERALLS?, and that JACKET is such a good look for him… also, murder–

5.09 “Bad Choice Road”

This is still the premier Lalo episode imo… I had some recency bias when I wrote the above description and upon reflection I’m bumping 607 to the #2 slot—for now. But Schnauz really tried to outdo himself and I respect that. Patron saint of Lalo girls. Cut shower scene aside, 509 has a lot of Lalo pathos, both in his goodbye to Hector and in his genuine compliment to Nacho. Of course, though, this list is about sexiness, and the Jimmy/Kim/Lalo confrontation is soooo sexy. I’m sorry women, but Lalo shushing Kim without even looking at her… 🥵 and the sound of his boots on the floor when he takes slow-deliberate steps toward Jimmy 😵‍💫 and when Jimmy says “I already told you what happened” and Lalo snaps, “Did you?” 🥴 

OKAY, that’s it, that’s the list, thanks for coming everybody. I’m still in the car.

[morwensteelsheen]

Trying to work on a characterisation for Éowyn that is 10-20% less girlbossy than the standard fanon take lol. (Also this is maybe one of my few actually, honest-to-god canonical takes? Like? Not even an ounce of AU elements in here? Wild.)

❈

She is soft-spoken when she speaks to him, which, admittedly, is not that often. More than once he wonders if this can truly be the woman that slew the Lord of the Nazgûl, she with a voice that lilts like a summer breeze and a deference to duty—a woman’s duty—that binds her more tightly than the shore is bound to the sea, unable to move or proffer a defence as one pounds and crashes and wears inexorably away at the other.

But in the grey light of day when she thinks he is distracted by his own speech, he sees the hurt in her eyes. Pain unspoken, years of terror laid down like cold earth upon a barrow; it is a pain he recognises: his father’s. But where his father had turned his pain inwards and let it destroy himself, she turns hers outwards, destroying only the purveyor of death and misery himself.

She had not become another person when she bared her blade to the Black Captain, and he knows the Wraithslayer is buried somewhere within her yet. She is not devoid of thought or opinion, merely the belief that they are hers to share. He starts to needle her, tying himself in knots to find ways to trip her up. Between the poetry and the ruminations on history, he says things he knows will offend her. He does not believe most of them, or hopes he does not, but he wants to see what it will take to spark visible rage within her.

On the second day, he thinks he sees a flash of something that is not despair. She clamps down on it before he can be certain. In all his life he has never seen anyone for whom the appearance of any emotion at all is so unacceptable. He fancies that he is more restrained than most, and even he cannot fathom what sort of silent torture her life must be to maintain such brutalising control over something so natural.

He thinks she is unaccustomed to anyone earnestly asking for her thoughts, and so has developed the exasperating habit of deferring to whatever answer she thinks will best appease her questioner. He takes to asking her opinion often and explicitly. On the third day, she speaks a single word against what she perceives his will to be. It is a single no to the most mundane of questions, but it feels to him as though he himself has delivered Isildur’s Bane to its doom. She retreats inward, but he endeavours to try again.

She does not come to him on the fourth day. He reads his book, noticing none of the words.

It is on the fifth day, when he knows he has said something profoundly frustrating to her and has had to watch her fight back against her reaction, that something within him snaps.

“I thought we were equal in our respect for one another,” he says, a little more dourly than he intends.

“I respect you greatly, lord,” says she, in the placating manner she seems to adopt whenever she believes she is on the verge of conflict.

“Then perhaps you do not understand respect as I do; I have said something grievously nonsensical, a thing which has plainly upset you, and yet you would not show me the respect of calling me a fool. Would you have me repeat my error in the presence of others, when you have seen that error and know it has not been corrected? That, my lady, I would not deem respect.”

She looks at him for a long moment, clearly taken aback, and even more clearly confounded by his words. He is not entirely a fool, he knows well what sort of compliance is expected of the ladies of high houses, and he can guess at what sort of reckless obedience could lead one such lady to seek her death on the field of battle. He does not expect to overturn the way of the world, but he will not relent until he knows she will not stay eternally in that quiet hell.

The sixth day sees her join him at mid-morning, and he finds that she has returned to her watchful silence. He soldiers on: he has been reminded of the story of Dol Amroth’s first cavalry and thinks that she will appreciate it, in her own way. She smiles more than once, and it is a grand enough victory to sustain his heart even through the fog of their imminent, existential loss.

She retires in the early hours of the evening, and he remains in the garden. He cannot face the quiet of his room, not yet. The silence in the Houses is a full one, bustling with the crash of swords, the wail of fell-beasts, and the dread of a doomed retreat.

He is not long alone.

“We,” she says breathlessly when she finds him again, “are doomed to die. It matters not if you think ill of me.”

“There is scarcely anything you might say that could diminish my regard for you,” he says. “But if it brings you comfort, then yes, we are all doomed to die.”

She begins to pace. “For ten years my bower has been my prison. It has seen me wither and grow weary, weakened by the burden of rulership with none of its aid or accolades. I was commanded to show gratitude for my circumstances by those who said there is no honour save for the honour won by valorous martial acts.” Pausing mid-turn, she stares him down, blazing fire in her eyes. His heart stutters and stops. “I do not wish for battle any more than I wish for death, but when war is all that one’s people are, when death is the only path to a life beyond one’s cage—tell me, lord, what would you have me do?”

“Live,” he says. “At all costs.”

She paces again, a lifetime’s worth of unheard anger spilling from her lips; his own words fall on deaf ears. Never has he been so happy for that to be true.

There is progress, then deterioration. High upon the walls, there is victory, and the Ringbearer’s quest is successful too. The politics of peace must begin, it has become his duty to clear away a millennia of his forefathers’ toil to make room for the king. And he will have to ask her brother’s consent. Right now, none of these are his priority.

“And you are certain it will bring you happiness?” He pulls her back into his arms. The ends of her hair tickle his chest, and her skin is hot to the touch.

“No,” she tells him, and he is gripped by uncharacteristic fear. “I would not know how to be certain, for true happiness is an altogether new occurrence to me.” She turns, kisses his bandaged shoulder. “But none have ever concerned themselves with my happiness as you have, and that, I think, is rather a good place to start.”

[pascalpanic]

Caffeine Rush: Chapter One / Americano

Javier Peña x f!Reader

Summary: Working a dull December morning shift, you meet a seemingly disgraced DEA agent by the name of Javier Peña.

Warnings: Language, talk of death and canon-typical Narcos violence

W/C: 2.3k

A/N: YOU GUYS i am so excited to share this story with you all!! i fuckin love Javi and coffee so this features my two favorite things! big thanks as always to my beta readers for helping me out- especially with chapter 2 (which i was stuck on for 3 weeks lol). I hope you guys enjoy! this story has some twists I don’t think y’all are gonna see coming ;) I’m planning to update this fic once a week! I just wanted to get chapter one out there :)

previous chapter || next chapter || masterlist

Americano: espresso and hot water; has a similar taste to a brewed coffee, but still darker and more caffeinated thanks to the espresso. 

Work is blissfully slow on weekdays, allowing you to putz along at your own speed. Today, however, is boring as hell. You’d had approximately seven customers since the morning rush, meaning about seven drinks to make. There weren’t even tables to clean, no customers having sat in the cozy coffeeshop. You and your coworker had joked around, swept and mopped, and cleaned the espresso machines twice each. 

At this point, with nothing else to do, you sipped your third peppermint mocha while perched atop two stacked milk crates, leafing through your worn copy of The Great Gatsby. It was a common occurrence when evening rolled around, but rarely so early in the day. Since you were the one on barista duty, Mandy kept watch for customers and allowed you to relax with your book. It was routine for the two of you. She mindlessly fusses with the product wall and the coffee grinder, cleaning everything for the third time.

The door opens and you pop up from your makeshift chair excitedly. The weather is blustery and cold, with heavy snowflakes starting to fall outside the large windows, and the man who enters is pulling his jacket tight around himself. He looks up and you quickly dodge behind the espresso machines before you can make eye contact. It’s instinctual, and you’re unsure why until your brain reminds you of the man’s face. He’s handsome, even though you got maybe a second’s look at him. Dark brown hair and a neatly trimmed mustache, eyes an even darker shade to complement his tanned skin. 

You bite your lip and grab a large ceramic mug, bringing it to the espresso machine. No one would be crazy enough to order a cold drink in this weather. Mandy takes his order and a few seconds later, his receipt pops up through the printer at your end of the shop:

Ticket 114 - 12/3/93

Name: Javier

LG-Redeye

!memo: darkroast

Javier. The name suits the man, you think to yourself and smile as you begin prepping the espresso for his drink. As you walk to Mandy’s station to fill the mug with drip coffee, she smiles and nudges your side. “Isn’t he cute?” She murmurs. You look at the printed ticket then at the coffee warmers: there’s no dark roast. 

“Very,” you giggle a little and fill the mug with light instead. He’s seated in the corner. “I call dibs,” you tease, and Mandy shakes his head. She’s married, but she knows your type, and it’s exactly the man sitting there, staring at a newspaper.

“Yeah, okay,” she shakes her head but smiles at you. “No wedding ring either. I think you should bring his drink to him instead of calling out the order.”

Staring down at the filling mug, you shake your head. “We’ll see,” you chuckle softly and return down to your end of the bar, pouring the two shots of espresso. “Javier?” You call in your barista voice, and the man lifts his head and walks to the bar.

“That’s me,” he says, a small begrudging smile on his face.

“Hi,” you chuckle and hold up the mug. “We’re out of dark roast right now, so I had to use light. Could I put some flavoring or cream or sugar in there for you?” You offer. “Otherwise, I can most definitely make you something else. An americano maybe?”

He pauses for a second. “Yeah, an americano would be great,” he nods. “What kind of flavors… are there?” he asks. 

“Oh, we have a ton,” you say enthusiastically, grabbing the syrup rack and pulling it your way. “Any of these. Hazelnut, vanilla, raspberry,” you smile, rattling off the flavors, “otherwise we also have caramel and any flavor of chocolate.”

Javier raises an eyebrow as he looks at the small display. “Never been somewhere with so many options. Could I do dark chocolate and cream?” He asks, and you nod.

“Of course,” you tell him, dumping the previous mug and grabbing another. “I’ll have that right up for you. You can head back to where you were sitting,” you inform him.

He shakes his head. “I can wait here. Save us both a trip.”

You nod. “Sure,” you say with a smile, prepping more espresso. “The redeye and americano are pretty different in caffeine though, the americano is going to have more since there’s more espresso.”

“I just need as much caffeine as I can get. Tough day ahead,” he nods. 

“I’ve been told bartenders and baristas are wonderful ears to listen,” you offer, a sweet smile on your face.

His guard has fallen like a wrecking ball through a house of cards at the way you smile. “Well, I’m with the DEA.” It feels strange, openly admitting that around here. Colombians weren’t exactly welcoming to American agents, but it felt like citizens around here saw them as some kind of superhero. 

Your eyes light. “Shouldn’t it be a fantastic day for you then?” you ask. “I mean, it’s all over the news. Escobar. Do you know the guys in the photo?” You ask with excitement in your voice.

He nods. Escobar was killed yesterday, and it’s all over the news, including the paper back at his table. “Yeah. The blonde guy in the red shirt is actually my work partner. It’s a tough day because I didn’t get to be there when it happened. I’ve been down in Colombia for years now, and they catch Escobar two days after I leave.”

The smile on your face turns to a frown. “That’s… awful,” you nod, eyes full of sadness for him. “I’m so sorry. At least it must be nice to be home?” you ask, tilting your head slightly and pouring the espresso shots into the mug.

He shakes his head. “D.C. isn’t home. I’m from Texas,” he admits, and the way he speaks finally registers as a slightly slowed speech pattern from the area. “I’m happy for Steve though. The blonde one, my partner. He deserves it. We’ve been down there for… Jesus,” he sighs and looks at the ceiling as he counts the years, “well, a while now. Couple of years. I fucked up, bad. Honestly, I think I’m up here to get fired.” 

You frown slightly as you pump the chocolate into the hot espresso and water, swirling it around with a spoon. “You worked on Escobar for years?” you ask, and Javier nods. “Well, then I personally doubt you’d be getting fired. You guys just caught him, everyone must be in a good mood. I guess it depends on how bad you fucked up,” you shrug as you tap the spoon into the sink and bend down to grab the cream.

“I… do you know who Los Pepes are?” he asks. You shake your head as you stand, pouring some cream into the steaming drink. “Well, they’re a radical group who did some crazy shit to try to weaken Escobar, and I got involved with them. I have a meeting today with the review board.”

You finally make eye contact with him, wincing for him. “Yeah, that doesn’t sound great,” you admit with a chuckle, putting the cream back in the little refrigerator beneath you. 

“It’s not.”

“It’s not necessarily why you got called up here,” you shrug and grab a saucer, putting the mug on top of it and on the bar for him to take.

“Well, I don’t know, I suppose,” he agrees and takes the drink from you.

You shrug. “Best of luck, Javier,” you tell him with a genuine smile of encouragement.

He nods, looking at your name tag attached to your apron. He murmurs your name before looking back up at your face and into your eyes. “Thank you.” He takes his drink and returns to his table, and you sigh and return to your makeshift chair in the corner. 

Mandy pulls up two crates next to you, sitting down across from you with gleaming eyes. “Did it go well? You two talked for a while,” she asks, raising her eyebrows and encouraging you to tell her more.

“A little, but just… how I would with anyone, I guess,” you shrug as you sip your mocha for a moment, drinking the last of the warm coffee. “Not like I got his number or anything.”

“He’s sitting down to drink his coffee. Go offer him a refill when he’s done.”

“That would require me to stare at him, Mandy, and I think he’d notice that,” you shake your head as you stand to make yourself a new drink. 

She stands with you, pushing the crates out of the way. “I’ll keep an eye on him for you. I’ll signal to you when he’s done or getting low on coffee, and you can bring him a refill. How does that sound?” she asks you.

You nod with a sigh. “Since you’re apparently not going to let this go, fine. I will.” 

Mandy claps her hands together excitedly. “Yay!” She sings. “Oh, will you make me a drink while you’re at it? I’ll have a-”

“Skim hazelnut latte with no foam and light whip,” you recite before she can finish her order.

“You’re a babe,” she sings and heads over to clean the tables that haven’t even been touched since she wiped them an hour ago. 

You make her drink and set it aside, then work on your own, fourth coffee. The peppermint and the coffee swirl together deliciously in the air, fitting the weather and the time of year. It’s December, and the snow outside and the warm feeling from the man across the coffee shop contrast in your heart. You sneak glances at him a couple of times, biting your lip to hold back a smile as you admire the handsome face peeking above the newspaper he reads. 

About ten minutes later, you look up from cleaning the machines to see Mandy tucked behind a wall where he can’t see her. She’s frantically waving at you, pointing towards Javier once she catches your attention. Go, she mouths excitedly, beaming at you. 

You wipe your hands on your apron and walk to where she stands. “Fine, I will, but you’re making the drinks if anyone else comes in.”

“Oh no, how will I handle it?” She asks in a deadpan, eyeing the shop that’s empty except for the two of you and Javier. “Go,” she says, giving you a light shove and giggling.

You shake your head but walk over, placing a hand lightly on the table. “Coffee’s looking low. Could I get you a refill?” you offer.

Javier looks up at you, and you feel like turning to jelly as you look into his big brown eyes, filled with confusion but also admiration. He furrows his brow, creating small creases between his eyebrows. “Uh… sure. How much is it?” he asks, reaching for his wallet and setting down the newspaper.

You put a hand on his arm, giving a gentle smile. “You need it. It’s on the shop,” you tell him.

“No, seriously, what, like $5?” he asks, but you put a hand over his. 

“No, Javier,” you chuckle lightly. “Don’t worry about it. Another americano with chocolate and cream?” you ask.

“Uh… make me whatever you like best. And bring one for yourself too.” He says, well, really asks, nodding to the empty chair across from him. “It’s not too busy to talk, is it?”

You swallow hard before you break into a grin. “No, not at all. Uh… do you like peppermint?” you ask. 

“Peppermint is good,” he says, giving you a small smile.

“Perfect,” you smile softly at him, picking up his empty mug and saucer. “We have a peppermint mocha, it’s seasonal. It’s my favorite, I’ll be right back with them,” you say, giggling softly and biting your lip as you turn and walk back to the bar. 

You’re hidden behind the espresso machines as you finally grin and giggle, and Mandy rushes to your side. “Oh my God,” she laughs happily. “He’s so hot. What were you guys talking about?”

“He asked me to sit with him,” you giggle excitedly, preparing four espresso shots. 

She nearly squeals with excitement, grabbing your arm closest to her. You scoop some chocolate chips and pour milk into a pitcher, putting it under the steam wand. “Holy shit. What has he told you so far? What’s his story?”

“Well, he said he’s a DEA agent. He’s on leave from work right now, but the guy in the red shirt in that picture of Escobar after they killed him? That’s his partner,” you tell her, letting the excitement speed your words up. “He’s been in Colombia for a couple of years working on it. Isn’t that cool?” You laugh. 

“So cool,” she nods in agreement. “And he’s so fucking cute. Girl, you need to get your ass back there before I steal him myself.”

You laugh as you pour the shots and then the steamed milk into the mugs. “I’m trying, but you holding onto one of my arms is holding me back, love,” you tease her and she breaks away. You top both mugs with a perfectly peaked whipped cream layer, then sprinkle candy cane pieces and chocolate chips on top. “Wish me luck,” you practically sing as you walk back with a mug for each of you.

Javier’s holding back a grin himself as you make the drinks. He can see your head bobbing along behind the bar, the other woman chatting with you. He’s more transfixed than you than he should allow himself to be, but all fears fade as he sees you approaching with a grin and two large, whipped cream-topped drinks.

You set the drink down in front of him and he smiles at you. “Wow. This…” he looks down at it and smiles a little. “Well, it looks sweet.”

“I have a sweet tooth,” you admit with a soft laugh and sit down, taking a sip and sighing softly. “It tastes like winter. I love it.” He nods and takes a sip too. It’s sweet, but not as bad as he expected. “I added extra espresso to yours,” you tell him, a shy smile on your face. 

“A woman after my own heart,” he chuckles and sets it down, licking the foam off of his mustache. 

You smile a little wider at that and hold back a laugh. “Did you want to talk about the meeting?” you ask him, tilting your head, your expression softening.

Javier’s already falling, and he curses himself as he looks at you. Not a thought except him. He’s already thinking of a sly way to get your number. “No, not really. I just spilled basically my entire life story to you.”

“Then you’ve had a very short and boring life. That was hardly anything. I’ve had customers come in and cry over divorces or lost family members; the whole job situation was mild,” you chuckle and admit, tracing the rim of the mug with your fingertips and staring down at the steaming drink.

“Really? You seem like a therapist and a barista in one,” he teases lightly.

“Well, I did just graduate with a Masters in psychology,” you shrug. “I just graduated with it from Georgetown. That’s why I’m here,” you tell him and look up. “Working here part-time while I decide what I want to do.”

“No shit. I did my undergrad in psych and sociology,” Javier says with a small smile, making your smile grow too. “Texas A&M though. Nothing as prestigious as Georgetown.”

“A&M isn’t anything to sneeze at,” you chuckle as you look over at him. His eyes are deep-set, deeper than they probably normally are. They’re bloodshot and hold bags beneath them. After a breath, you bite your lip and look him in the eye. “You look tired. I don’t know you normally, I understand. Maybe you shouldn’t finish this,” you tell him with a concerned smile, scooting his mug towards you. “Too much caffeine.”

“No, I need it, please,” he says, tugging it back and sipping at it again. “Just… until after this meeting. Then I’ll know what my future holds, then I can rest.”

“What time is it at?”

“5:00.”

There’s a beat of silence. “I don’t have any plans tonight,” you say gently, looking at him with a question in your eyes. “Would you like to get dinner? Talk things out, once you know what your future holds?” You offer, a soft smile and hopeful eyes. “I already know enough about you. This could be practice therapy for me,” you tease softly.

Javier thinks for a second, though he knows what the answer will be. At least pretends to think, surprised that you could hear all he had said about Los Pepes and working in Colombia and that you still offered. “I’d like that,” he nods, his voice soft when he looks at you. “I don’t know the area well. You’ll have to tell me where.”

“Do you have a car up here?” You ask him, and he shakes his head. “I can pick you up,” you offer. “Where are you staying?”

He grabs a napkin and pats his pockets for a pen. You hand him the paint pen tucked on your apron and he quickly thanks you before writing down the address to the hotel. You take the napkin and the pen and grab another napkin. “And this…” you say and write down your phone number, sliding it to him, “is where you’ll call me when you’re ready for me to come get you. Okay?” You ask.

Your voice is so soothing, Javier thinks. More than sleep or reassurance or even a hit of Escobar’s private stash or really anything could be to him right now, it’s a comfort. You must be a miracle, he thinks, some kind of blessing for something he isn’t quite sure of, but he must have done something right in the eyes of the Almighty to be here, right now, talking with you. “You know, I was raised Catholic,” he tells you and leans in a little. “I don’t know that I am anymore. But still… I think you might be an angel in disguise.”

Biting your lip, you giggle and look down. “I don’t know about that,” you chuckle as you look up at him again. “Just… right place, right time, maybe. I’ll see you tonight, okay?” you ask him, placing your hand over his and standing.

Javier nods as he looks up at you. “How should I dress?” he asks and tilts his head. His eyes are so expressive, you notice and smile a bit. They betray exactly what he’s thinking.

“Um… what you’re wearing now would be fine. A button down and jeans would work,” you tell him with a nod, patting his hand and picking up your mug. “I’ll see you then. Good luck,” you tell him with a sweet smile and retreat to the back. Javier can’t say anything in return, just sips his peppermint mocha.

Three minutes later, you return with a muffin. “Eat this. You can’t have all that caffeine and no food.”

“Thanks,” he chuckles and looks down at it. You’re gone when he looks back up, and he breaks off a piece. What a weird day. It’s only about to get weirder.

-

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[writeroutoftime]

by your side

pairing: jack thompson x reader

summary: "you wanna go save the world with me?"

warnings: none

words: 1.9k

a/n: this is for @lovelyavengers's writing challenge, and I thought it was due today, but I'm actually a month early lol! this was such a fun story to write, and I'm not really sure how I got this story from this prompt. anyway, I hope it's not too cheesy or too rushed, and please enjoy!

oOoOo

Despite the satisfaction that came with being a skilled agent with the elite SSR, it was incredibly difficult to have a social life outside of work. While others your age may have spent their evenings being twirled around the dancehall with a beau or two or even latest film at the theaters, yours were spent surrounded by endless files and fueled by numerous cups of coffee.

By some stroke of luck, however, you had been able to meet the love of your life – Jack Thompson – within the SSR walls. Of course, that didn’t mean the two of you had it easy. It was still difficult finding time alone together, especially after Jack’s promotion to chief of the New York office. In fact, you couldn’t even find time to have your wedding – which had already been rescheduled no less than three times.

Each time you thought you were in the clear to walk down the aisle and marry Jack, something popped up that took precedence. While you loved your work and wouldn’t trade your job for the world, it was more than a little frustrating.

“Ready for this weekend?” Peggy asked you as she passed by your desk one Wednesday afternoon.

A smile stretched across your face until your cheeks hurt. In just three days’ time, you would finally become Mrs. Jack Thompson. “You know what they say, fourth times a charm.” you joked, pushing the files you had been look through aside.

“Well let’s hope for yours and Jack’s sake, that’s true.” Peggy responded. “Now, is there anything you need me to do last minute?” she questioned, easily slipping into maid-of-honor duty.

“Just get me to the end of that aisle, whatever it takes.” you told her, not completely joking.

Before she could respond, you heard the door to Jack’s office open and he poked his head out. “Carter, I need to talk to you.” he said, gesturing for her to come into his office before his eyes slid over to yours and gave you a playful wink.

Peggy squeezed your shoulders reassuringly before she disappeared into Jack’s office. Twenty minutes later, your thoughts were back on the files in front of you. So focused on cracking the case, you didn’t notice Jack’s presence until he nudged your shoulders gently.

“Sweetheart, can I talk to you?” he asked, trying not to look you in the eye.

You gave him a worried look but allowed him to take your hand and lead you to his office where Peggy stood against Jack’s desk. Sitting down in the chair, you felt your heart beat faster as Jack knelt down in front of you, squeezing your hands in his. Somewhere deep inside of you, you knew what was coming, but you still held out hope that Jack’s words weren’t about to bring your good mood crashing down.

“Sweetheart, I’m sorry, but I just got a call. They need us for a weeklong case, and we leave tomorrow.”

Tears immediately began to flood your eyes when you heard the word case, and you began to rapidly blink to keep them at bay. “Why does it have to be us?” you protested.

Jack sighed, feeling his heart break at the way you tried not to crumble. He took you in his arms and squeezed you tightly. “Direct orders from headquarters.” he whispered, rubbing his hand up and down your back as you finally let the tears out.

Maybe it was selfish, but you had given so much of your time and energy to this organization, and you and Jack couldn’t catch the smallest break? Pulling away, you felt the disappointed morph into an angry and you held back to urge to swipe everything off Jack’s desk.

“When are we going to get to put ourselves first, Jack?” you asked, voice rising with each word as you began to pace around the office. “We’ve put our blood, sweat, and tears into this agency, and we can’t get one fucking weekend to ourselves.” you all but shouted.

“Hey, I know.” Jack said, stopping you in your tracks, knowing your anger wasn’t directed at him. “Nothing would make me happier than to finally be your husband, and I hate that I can’t give that to you yet.” he said, twisting your engagement ring around your finger to calm both you and him down.

Silence washed over the room as Jack enveloped you in another hug. Peggy bit her lip as she watched the scene, only feeling as though she were slightly intruding. Jack had called her in to try and figure out a way to break the news to you, but Peggy knew there was nothing he could’ve been except honest.

“Well,” you finally said after a few minutes. “I guess we should cancel the venue and start packing.”

Just as you and Jack moved to start getting ready, Peggy gasped and stepped forward. “No one is going anywhere just yet; I have an idea!”

“Peggy –“ you started, quickly getting cut off.

“y/n, I promised you I would get you down that aisle no matter what, and I am going to do just that, even if it’s not exactly in the way you originally planned.” she declared, looking ready to take down anyone or anything that stood in her way.

Jack shook his head in confusion. “Whatta you talking about, Carter?” he asked, his arm still around you as he tried not to get his hopes up.

“I know it’s not at all what you had planned, but we could get the two of you down to city hall before the end of the day, I’ll be your witness, and by the time you head out tomorrow you’ll be hitched!” Peggy explained enthusiastically.

The idea sank in your mind and the more time that passed, the more you thought it sounded like the perfect option. Elopement hadn’t been in the cards at first, but you and Jack weren’t exactly the poster couple for doing things by the book. Turning to face your fiancé, your grin returned at the thought of being married to Jack before the day’s end.

“Let’s do it.” you said, watching Jack’s eyes for any sign of hesitation.

“This what you want, sweetheart?” he asked.

Taking a moment to compose your thoughts, you nodded. “It is. Like Peggy said, it isn’t what we originally planned, but who cares? The only thing that matters to me is that we get to be each other’s for the rest of our lives. I don’t want to spend another mission, hell, not even another day without being your wife.”

Jack nodded silently at your words, and you could tell you had won him over. “Well then, looks like we got a wedding to get ourselves to!” he said, letting out a chuckle at the beaming smile on your face.

“In that case, let’s go, y/n.” Peggy said, suddenly grabbing your hand and dragging you out of Jack’s office. “We’ve got a lot to do, and not a lot of time to do it.”

“Hey! Where are you taking my fiancée?” Jack argued with a pout.

Peggy rolled her eyes before she responded. “It’s bad luck to see the bride before the wedding, and the two of you have already been together all day. Besides, we have to go get ready, while you go down to City Hall.”

Before Jack could say another word, Peggy pulled you through the SSR and back towards your apartment, both of you giddy the whole way there. Once you made it back to your apartment, Peggy sat you down and began to flutter around, quickly, yet very efficiently, styling your hair and makeup. Then, before you knew it, she was helping you slip into your white dress and zipping you up.

Smoothing out nonexistent wrinkles, Peggy smiled at you through the mirror. “Absolutely stunning, darling.” she praised, give you a side hug. “Jack won’t know what hit him when he sees you.”

Giggling, you tried to keep the tears at bay. “Peggy, I just want to say thank you. This is perfect, and you are truly the best friend I could ever have.” you admitted, beyond thankful for her support.

“Oh, stop it!” she playfully scolded, wiping away tears of her own. “You’re going to make me cry, and then the two of us will never get out of this apartment. So, let’s get you down to City Hall before your fiancé worries himself to death.” she suggested, carefully holding up your dress as to avoid on stains on the hem.

The two of you must have been a sight for sore eyes as you waited to hail a cab. But you couldn’t find it in you to care about any of the stares people were giving you. You were about to get married - besides, it was New York, they all had seen much stranger sights.

When City Hall came into sight, you felt your hands begin to shake and butterflies pound in your stomach. Once again, Peggy helped you out of the cab and inside the building where she directed you to sit down while she found Jack.

“Oh, I managed to snag these flowers on our way out of your apartment.” she said, pushing a wildflower bouquet that Jack had gotten for you a few days earlier into your hands.

A few minutes passed, and Peggy returned saying that Jack had found an open slot and was waiting with the officiant. She guided you towards the office that Jack was in and offered you one last hug before she slipped in, allowing you to make your entrance.

There was no organ playing music to signal your arrival, no hall of friends and family, not even a true aisle for you to glide down. However, the one constant that remained was Jack, standing next to the officiant, slightly nervous but with the biggest grin on his face. When your eyes met, you swore your heart skipped a beat and Jack had to blink back the tears when he saw how beautiful you looked.

Even if it wasn’t exactly the grand day you pictured, it was more perfect than you could ever imagine because Jack was holding your hands and beaming at you as though you had hung the stars in the sky. Everything else faded away because you were about to marry the love of your life.

As the officiant made his way through the standard speech for a courthouse wedding, you could only imagine the moments from here on out with Jack by your side. It might have taken a few tries, but you and Jack finally made it, and that's all you could have asked for.

“And by the power vested in me by the state of New York, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride.” the officiant declared.

He had barely gotten the words out before Jack scooped you in his arms and kissed you passionately, loosing himself for a moment as he pulled you flush against his chest. Your hands tangled in his hair and relished in the thought of finally being married to this man. It was only Peggy’s whistling and cheers that brought you back to reality.

Not long after, you and Jack were ushered out by the officiant, but nothing could stop the joy you felt that day. Standing outside the courthouse, you reached out to grasp your husband’s hand, ready to take on anything with him by your side.

“You wanna go save the world, with me Mrs. Thompson?” he asked, his voice proud and grin slightly dopey at the words.

“Nothing would make me happier, Mr. Thompson.”

[fickleminder]

the years start coming and they don’t stop coming

In which Lilith’s return distorts her brothers’ perception of time.

Part 2 here

You’ve never seen the demon prince look so embarrassed.

“I can call for —”

“No, it’s okay. They deserve this.”

But you don’t, goes unspoken. You can see the pity in his eyes, feel the palpable disappointment in the air. Even Simeon and Luke make sure to hug you extra tight before stepping through the portal to the Celestial Realm, and Solomon promises to check up on you after you’ve returned home.

Thanking Lord Diavolo and Barbatos for their hospitality, you turn towards the final demon in the council room and put on the biggest grin your breaking heart can muster. “Hey, c’mere.”

Satan doesn’t hesitate to throw his arms around you. It’s almost like he’s trying to make up for his brothers’ absence, the way he crushes you to his chest and cradles the back of your head.

You can’t find it in yourself to blame them. As far as miracles go, this is a pretty big one. Lilith coming back to life is an unprecedented event, one not even Barbatos had seen coming. Nobody has any answers either. She’s definitely not a demon, not an angel, not human; just an immortal who knocked on the front door of the House of Lamentation three days ago.

Her brothers haven’t left her alone since. You’re happy for them, you really are, but a bitter part of you can’t help but wish her return had waited until after the exchange program ended. At least Lucifer had the courtesy to pull you aside and thank you on his family’s behalf (though you’re quite certain you had nothing to do with your ancestor’s sudden revival), in addition to making a pact with you as a token of his gratitude.

With that, you could have summoned all of them to send you off just as effectively as Lord Diavolo giving the order, but it won’t be the same and you know it. Your only saving grace is Satan, the one brother who’d kept his head and anchored you in the sea of loneliness you’d been set adrift in over the last few days.

“I’m gonna miss you, cat boy.”

“I miss you already,” Satan laughs softly, pulling back with a warm smile. “I’ll stay in touch, I promise.”

You squeeze his arms affectionately and glance past his shoulders at the closed doors. There’s the smallest shred of hope in you that thinks the others will come bursting through any moment now, scrambling for one final chance to see you. You give yourself five seconds, silently counting down to a pipe dream, before pressing a kiss to Satan’s cheek and releasing him.

“It might not seem like it now, but the Devildom will always be here for you,” Lord Diavolo says as the world around you fades to white. “Farewell.”

.

.

.

“Did you lose track of time at the library again? You missed dinner last night LOL.”

“Levi, be nice!”

Satan only hums quietly in response. He can’t be bothered to correct the assumption; it’s a convenient excuse for when his brothers actually notice he’s missing anyway.

The irony of Levi calling him out isn’t lost on him. While the otaku is still obsessed with his games and shows, he’s no longer as shut-in as he used to be, venturing outside the comforts of his sanctuary more often. Satan has passed by the common room on many occasions to find him and Lilith gaming or binging anime together, and the content expression on Levi’s face proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that the void from his Henry’s departure has long been filled.

“Oh, but speaking of,” Lilith sets her cutlery down and smiles shyly at the fourth-born, “I haven’t had the chance to explore the libraries here yet. If it’s not too much trouble, can you show me around and recommend a few books?”

Shrugging non-committedly, Satan continues with his meal, not once looking her in the eye.

.

.

.

You’ve always wondered how someone with the Avatar of Lust for a brother can have such terrible fashion sense. It should be impossible to go wrong with dressing for a funeral, but you guess life (along with a certain eyesore of a tie) just loves to disappoint you. Still, you’re too glad to have Satan with you right now to care.

“Thanks for coming.”

“Anytime.”

You lean into the demon’s side as he holds an umbrella over both of you. Your eyes are drawn to the flowers he’d placed on your mother’s grave, the only splash of color against the dull tombstone. For the longest time, all you can process is the pitter-patter of the afternoon rain on the plastic wrap of the bouquet, and the comforting weight of Satan’s arm across your shoulders.

“She was in a lot of pain,” you admit after a while, your voice slightly hoarse. “The doctors had to sedate her. She went in her sleep.”

“I’m sorry.” Satan fidgets awkwardly, not quite sure what to say. He’s no stranger to death, but the loss of someone dear is unfamiliar to him. “Perhaps Simeon can find out if —”

“No, no it’s fine. I just — I need to —”

The umbrella is forgotten as Satan catches you, lowering you gently to the ground when your knees give way. You cling to him desperately, and it’s all he can do to draw you close as you start to wail.

.

.

.

Satan barely makes it three steps into the house before getting pounced on.

“How was it? Where did you go? Ooh you lucky demon, I want to hear all the details!”

“Oi, oi! What are you babbling on about?”

“Don’t act coy with me! Lilith saw you at the florist’s yesterday with the most gorgeous bouquet of flowers!”

“Yesterday? But —”

“How come you never told me someone caught your eye? I would have dolled you up, lent you some of my clothes —” Asmo gasps dramatically. “You didn’t wear that horrid jacket to your date, did you?”

Wrestling a hand free, Satan musses his younger brother’s hair. “None of your business,” he growls, walking away with a smirk when Asmo immediately releases him to fix his appearance. “Who do you take me for, anyway?”

“Aww come on, just give me a hint! Do I know them? Is it someone from RAD? Ooh, did you meet them at the library or —”

Ducking into the safety of his room, Satan shuts the door in Asmo’s face.

.

.

.

“Thank fuck. Who picked your outfit this time?”

“Barbatos. And shut up.”

You grab Satan’s arm with a laugh and lead him towards your table, politely introducing him as ‘Stan from work’ to any relatives who ask about the handsome young man accompanying you. Satan’s usual mask is in place, but there’s no mistaking the gleam of wonder in his eyes as he takes in his surroundings.

“Finally,” you sigh, sinking into your seat and grinning sheepishly at the blond. “Sorry about them. It’s just that they’ve never seen me with anyone, so they’re really curious about you.”

“Well, I’m glad you invited me along. I’ve never been to a wedding before.” The romantic in Satan is openly basking in the ambience of the reception. “You mentioned that your niece had gotten married?”

“Technically my first cousin once removed, but yeah.”

“And you’ve not been seeing anyone?”

“You would have been the first to know if I have,” you tease, nudging him playfully. “Apparently a lot of people are put off by the way I dress. Too modest, they say.”

But not without good reason. The pact marks on your body may be slightly faded from disuse, but they’re still discernable if stared at hard enough: Lucifer’s at the back of your neck; Mammon’s over your heart; Levi’s curled around your right calf; Satan’s circling your left arm; Asmo’s dangerously close to tramp stamp territory; Beel’s just under your navel; and Belphie’s on your ribs at the side you like to sleep on.

Passing them off as tattoos without attracting the wrong kind of attention is a little tricky, so you’d rather take a page from Solomon’s book and cover them up. Being called a prude is easier than dealing with cultists.

(It also helps you to keep your mind off of them, because some wounds continue to hurt even after they heal, so there’s that.)

Sensing the drop in your mood, Satan clears his throat to get your attention. It’s only then that you realize there’s music playing in the background, and couples moving from their tables to the floor.

Your companion stands up and offers you his hand, this time with a genuine smile on his face. “May I have this dance?”

.

.

.

Lucifer’s tone books no room for argument. “This will be a family event, so I expect your attendance. Don’t think I haven’t noticed your little escapades over the past few months.”

“Tch.”

“Do I make myself clear?”

“Whatever. I’ll be there.”

Satan has to resist the urge to hurl his hardcover at the back of Lucifer’s head when he takes his leave. That’s no way to treat a book, after all.

Beel’s Fangol team has an upcoming match and it’ll be Lilith’s first time watching him play. She’s been hyped up for weeks, so it comes as no surprise that Lucifer would use the opportunity to turn it into a family outing. He’s been doing that a lot lately.

Gone is the stuffy first-born who can spend days in his office if left unchecked. Lucifer is still as strict as ever, still fulfills his duties to Lord Diavolo diligently, but it’s like he’s managed to master balancing work and play overnight. He makes more time for his siblings now, even if it’s to dole out punishments for their endless shenanigans, punishments that vary in severity depending on how cutely Lilith pleads on their behalf.

Lucifer has always doted on her, and she has him wrapped around her little finger. Belphie has even gone as far as corrupting her into pranking him, and she need only bat her eyelashes to get off scot-free.

Lilith was the catalyst for the Fall, her descendent the glue that brought her siblings back together, and her return the final piece in making their family whole again.

But you were family too, Satan thinks sourly, pulling out his D.D.D. to mark the date in his calendar.

.

.

.

When you invite Satan over to your apartment for tea, he never expected to be introduced to your new housemate: a handsome fellow with chestnut brown hair, sharp jade eyes, a runner’s body, and the softest-looking toe beans he has ever seen in his immortal life.

“Satan, meet Satan!” You hold out the tabby towards him with a shit-eating grin.

Both demon and cat blink owlishly at each other. The blond doesn’t know whether to feel endeared by the feline sharing his name or insulted that you would replace him so easily, but all it takes is a single bop on the nose with a curious paw for him to melt.

Satan the tabby, who normally prefers to scale your shelves and nap between your books, spends the entire day a purring puddle in Satan the demon’s arms, shamelessly relishing in pets and massages to the extent that at some point, you have a very real fear they might just end up absconding back to the Devildom together. Thankfully, some kibble and freshly baked treats help you separate the two for a while, at least long enough for you to get some decent conversation in.

You brew a pot of Earl Grey with the beautifully crafted tea set Barbatos gifted you when you had first moved in, and serve the scones you made earlier in the morning using the baking tools blessed by Luke during your housewarming. You don’t know if the little angel had actually imbued them with Celestial magic, but everything you cook somehow always lifts your spirits when consumed.

Satan has to catch himself in the middle of regaling you with Mammon’s latest half-baked scheme. The wistful look on your face is new; you’re usually eager to hear what his brothers have been up to, but something feels off today. He pours you more tea, slides another scone onto your plate, and waits.

“…Are they happy?” You ask after a while.

The demon knows better than to lie, even if it’s to spare you from the truth he suspects you’re already aware of. “Yes,” he admits grudgingly.

“I’m glad.”

Your smile doesn’t reach your eyes.

.

.

.

Lilith stands outside his room, holding a tray of tea and cakes.

“Hey, um, may I come in?” Her smile is both hopeful and uncertain. It’s a gamble, ambushing the fourth-born when he obviously has no interest in her. At best, he’ll make up an excuse to turn her away or just ignore her completely; at worst, well… she doesn’t really want to think about that. To her visible relief, he opens the door wider and steps aside.

Satan clears a space for her to set the tray down. There’s the briefest moment of hesitation before he drags your favorite armchair over and offers her a seat as well. He looks guarded but not openly hostile, a promising sign so far.

“You’ve been in and out of the house lately, so I haven’t had the chance to catch you. I thought we might sit down and talk,” Lilith says, pouring two cups of the hot beverage as she chooses her next words carefully. “The others told me about how you were born, but I understand that you are your own person. I’d like to get to know that person.”

A part of Satan is acutely aware of their one-sided relationship; he is familiar with her through Lucifer, but she has never met him. It makes sense for her to be curious about him, though Satan isn’t so sure he wants to return the favor. She reminds him too much of you in the way she prepares her tea, how she sits on your chair, her shy lopsided smile —

But she’s not you, and you’re not her, Satan has to remind himself lest he commits the same mistake his brothers nearly did after your lineage had been revealed. Now in a convoluted turn of events, it’s you who’s gone and Lilith here, and there’s no reason why he can’t give her a chance and treat her like the sister she could be to him.

It’s what you would have wanted.

Lilith tries not to let her shoulders slump too much when Satan quietly stands up and heads towards his door. She’s prepared to pack up and leave until she spots him grabbing several books from a nearby shelf.

“Have you ever read Mid-Fall Murders?” He asks, handing her a hardcover with a shy smile of his own.

.

.

.

“What’s it like?”

Satan’s grip on your hand tightens. “I don’t actually know,” he confesses, shuffling closer so that your shoulder and arm are pressed against his. It’s a strange sight, the two of you lying side by side on your bed, staring aimlessly at the ceiling.

“Will it hurt?”

“No.”

You’ve never heard a single word hold so much promise, but you have no reason to doubt the demon’s sincerity. Satan wouldn’t take pity on you just because you’re —

A light knock on the door, and in pokes Simeon’s head. “Ah, little lamb! I’m glad we made it in time.”

“Not so little anymore, Simeon.” You laugh softly, greeting Luke and Solomon as they trail in behind him. Satan brushes his lips over your forehead before getting up to receive your guests.

The day is as ordinary as it can be. You talk and catch up with your friends, trading stories and laughter over cups of tea that neither grow cold nor go empty. When the session turns into a mini book club gathering halfway through, Luke helpfully retrieves the debated titles from the massive shelf in the living room. He takes a while to find them; you’ve accumulated plenty of works over the years: recommendations by Satan, literature published under Simeon’s pseudonym, and handwritten tomes from Solomon to keep you in touch with your magic. The shelf is practically jam-packed with books, the only exception being a corner on the topmost tier, housing a little space that’s empty save for a worn green collar with a rusted bell.

Come sundown the five of you are still neck-deep in discussion, but as with all good things, the get together eventually reaches an end.

“Thanks everyone, it’s been fun,” you say, reclining back in your bed as Satan wordlessly cleans up. You squeeze his hand when he returns to your side and bid the others goodbye. “Hopefully I’ll see you guys soon?”

“About that…” Solomon clears his throat, wearing the smug look that usually accompanies a trick being pulled out of his sleeve, but this time it’s tinged more with excitement than mischief. “Simeon has a little present for you first.”

The guileless smile on the angel’s face betrays nothing as he steps forward and reaches into a small pouch at his hip. “Solomon, Diavolo and I have a theory. Now, keep in mind that this is all very experimental, but if it works, you’ll have more options to choose from, should you so wish.”

And then he brings out a ring.

.

.

.

“Are you, uh, are you okay?”

“Not in the mood, Mammon.”

“Oi, I’m trying to be nice here! Who do you think covered for your sorry ass when you came back past curfew the other day, huh?”

“What the hell do you want?”

“You may think you’re all stealthy and shit, but your eyes were pretty red that night. I thought you were at a book club meeting. Did something happen?”

“None of your business.”

“Argh, fine then! This is the last time I try to be a good big brother.”

“…Mammon?”

“?”

“...”

“...”

“I’m sorry.”

“Eh, what are you — you can’t just say that and then run off! Get back here!”

.

.

.

“Twenty, nineteen, eighteen…”

Lilith’s countdown echoes along the deserted hallway, prompting Beel to nudge the deadweight on his back. “Belphie, go get your own hiding place.”

“Mmngh… zzz…”

“Come on, or she’ll win this round with a two for one. Again.”

“…Just dump me somewhere she won’t find me then.”

A tall order, especially since Lilith can easily track them down by listening out for Beel’s stomach and/or Belphie’s snores. Still, the sixth-born lumbers through the house as quietly as he can, doing a one-eighty whenever he hears Lilith’s cheerful hums coming from the opposite direction. Technically they can avoid being caught if they keep moving, but that would be cheating. They hid in the attic previously so that’s a no go, their room’s too obvious, the kitchen too tempting, the common room too exposed…

Maybe Levi’s room? The otaku had sound-proofed his walls to avoid distractions from the outside world when he’s gaming, so it’s an ideal location to hide. He can stash Belphie in the bathtub and run interference until time’s up.

Backtracking, Beel breaks into a light jog towards the other wing, keeping his ears open for their seeker. It’s only because of his heightened senses that he’s able to pick up the faintest traces of magic on one of the walls, causing him to pause in his steps.

“Hmm? Why’d you stop?” Slightly more awake now, Belphie rubs his eyes and slides off his twin, who’s studying the blank space intently. “What’s wrong, Beel?”

“There’s something here, something…”

“It’s just a wall —”

“No, don’t you feel it? I know you weren’t around then, but it’s the same glamor as that time Luke went missing and we —”

Beel goes white. He whispers a name, a name not spoken in the house for years, and a door flickers into view. One hand grabs Belphie’s in a death grip as the other twists the knob and pushes the door open, revealing an old yet familiar room.

The place is devoid of life. Most of the furniture are covered by sheets, resting under thick layers of dust. In the middle sits a tree, sagging with age and soft with rot. Sunken footprints mark the demons’ furtive venture into decrepit memory, and the creaking of floorboards with every step only tethers the growing nightmare closer to reality.

A photo frame crashes to the ground.

.

.

.

They deserve this.

Satan feels it the moment the spell concealing your room was broken. It had been his way of protecting your memory, ensuring that your sanctuary would only be accessible to those who made the effort to remember you. He cast it about a year after you had left the Devildom, after he realized that leaving your door in plain sight wasn’t doing you any favors.

Hidden away in an alcove at the back of the garden, curled up with a blanket and a thermos of hot tea, Satan slides a bookmark between the pages of his latest novel and leans his head back, closing his eyes with a heavy sigh.

Even this far away from the house, he can hear the cacophony of screams and shouts, objects being flung and shattered into pieces, a muted bang suggesting that a wall has just collapsed. The fallout comes as no surprise; waking up after living the past hundred years or so in a daze will do that to a person – or in this case, demons.

Although the sounds of fighting call to the rage bubbling within him, the vindictive thoughts of his brothers getting their just desserts cool it to a simmer. He knows he’ll have to face them eventually, but he’ll cross that bridge when he gets to it.

“Meow?”

Emerald eyes blink open. There’s a faint rustle from the nearby bushes as a tiny Calico wanders out of the foliage, peering around the garden curiously. Upon spotting the blond demon, it perks up and makes a beeline for him.

“Hm? You’re not Callie. Are you new here, little one?” His mood considerably improved, Satan extends a hand towards the kitten. It skips the finger sniffing step and goes straight to headbutting his palm, begging for attention.

“You’re an affectionate one, aren’t you?” Satan caves immediately and scritches away with a delighted chuckle. He examines the markings on its tri-colored fur, wanting to recognize the friendly feline if it comes back in the future. The Calico is mostly white with patches of brown and black splashed over the back of its neck, near the base of its tail, just under the side of its ribs, and several other spots that seem to collectively resemble a familiar pattern…

Satan’s hand stills. He whispers your name, trembling with hope, and the kitten practically leaps into his arms, nuzzling his chin with a happy purr.

[a-libra-writes]

Hey! Could you do these headcanons [💖,💐] for Jaime, or Tyrion? I've been in the GoT fandom “recently” (like a month or two ago?), and I don't see much of them; especially Tyrion (I don't know book-Tyrion yet 👀). I've been reading your blog for a while, and I really like your writings; I'm taking my time to read them again jsjsj. I understand if you don't want to, or doesn't catch your eye; I hope I'm not being rude or anything, but I wanted to try my luck. Please take care and be safe! <3

welcome to our cluuuub! welcome to our cluuuuuub! 

im glad youre enjoying GoT so much, and my blog! You should def give the books a try if you ever have a chance! Book Tyrion is rlly diff in many cool ways, same with Jaime. 

also i uh ... did the thing where i confused the emojis again, so I did “date” for both of them as well LOL oops

💘 Tyrion Date HC

Once Tyrion really starts liking you, he takes you to the loveliest places. We’re talking walks through gardens with little ponds and animals, a covered boat ride on a river, or walking through an exciting market full of Essosi traders. The thing is, he’d never call this “courting”. That makes it too official, too serious. He plays it off as simple visits two friends would make.

He’s excellent at finding out the things you’re interested in. You aren’t aware of it, but Tyrion really pays attention to what you respond to and what you like the most. I mean, he’s already watching you because he loves you, but if you aren’t vibing with an activity and location he’ll take that into consideration for next time.

He has lots of fun experiencing new things with you, period - after you’re together, after you’re married. If he finds out about something new, he’ll tell you so you both can do it together.

Tyrion prefers more private locations, since the court is exhausting and nearly all people he meets don’t like him anyway... but there’s something exciting about having such a pretty girl on his arm, someone who clearly adores him and wants to spend time with him.

Gifts! You tell him he doesn’t have to, but he likes presenting you with little things at the beginning or end of a date. First it’s practical things, so he can brush it off as “You seemed like you could use that”, before it’s just outright pretty jewels and dresses and he has no excuse. At that point it’s because he clearly loves you.

When it’s your name day, he has such a great evening planned out. If you’re married, make that a weekend or a week to travel and enjoy a little mini-vacation. Tyrion is excellent at planning an event in secret, so you have no idea what he has in store until the morning of your birthday.

In a modern AU, he’s not too different - he wants to explore new places and new things. He’d probably live in a city and would always find the strangest hole in the wall places to eat and shop at. If you like books, or records, or clothes, he’s gonna find something really out of the way and specific.

💖Tyrion Pregnancy HC

From the time you announced your pregnancy to the entire 9 months, it was like the worst emotional whiplash he’s ever had. There are SO many thoughts going through his head. Some of them are:

One, he’s delighted you want to have a family with him. Yes, you two are married, but it’s not out of duty to the Lannisters. It’s the ultimate proof you love him, he decides - because there’s a real chance your child could turn out like him, and you don’t care. And he knows you’ll love the child if that happens. He just knows you’ll be a wonderful mother. Second, you clearly express your joy to his family and the courtiers. You’re proud and you don’t care who knows. Third, he thinks about how horrid his own upbringing was, and he’s absolutely 100% determined to be an excellent father. Fourth ...

You get the point. He’s so torn between worry - what if the child is born with a problem, what if you die in childbed, what if he turns out to be a terrible father - and absolute, unbelievable devotion. You thought he was protective and doting before? Nothing is too good for you. You have to tell Tyrion to dial it back a bit, you don’t need new clothes every month and ten sets of silken bedsheets and all this jewelry....

He’s a bundle of nerves the closer the due date is. You two might actually get into spats because you’re exhausted and achey, and he’s just a mess. Jaime actually has to knock sense into him and get him to calm down.

But once your child is born...  it all washes away, like a wave carrying him. He’s so happy. He can’t even function. He wants the hold the child all the time, he wants to see them, talk to them - and he asks so many questions to you and the maester. When will the child talk? When will they walk? Can they understand him? Do they know he’s their father? And so on.

Also, his protectiveness would go through the roof. He would never forbid you from going anywhere or doing anything, but.. he would be obviously nervous if you mentioned you were going travelling or something. 

And it goes without saying he’s keeping extra tabs on Cersei, certain courtiers, maybe his own father. He doesn’t trust any of them for anything.

Bronn will probably get assigned to bodyguard duty for you. He’s clearly not pleased, and you just sigh and dismiss him for the day so you don’t have to listen to his smart mouth.

He likes to feel your stomach, especially when the babe kicks! It relieves his worries that the child might be born “wrong” somehow. The fact they’re kicking, wiggling and moving, seemingly in response to him, makes him feel much better.

💐 Tyrion Family & Kids HC

He’s an excellent father, even though he has his moments of emotional hang-ups. He wants to ensure his child is educated, empathetic and uses their damn head. While he’d be doting and affection, he wouldn’t be a total pushover and can reasonably discipline them. Tyrion is great at talking to children respectfully and treating them like people.

On that note, he has no patience for someone like Cersei or his father trying to butt in on his parenting. He’ll stand up to them and firmly insist he can raise his child on his own, thank you. He won’t take any “advice” or threats from them.

He’d be quite good at figuring out what his children are talented in, and encouraging them. He’s seen what it’s like when a child is forced into a single box and hinge all their worth on that (Jaime) and when they’re looked over and ignored (him and Cersei). 

Yes, he basically decides to do the opposite of whatever his father did.

There would be times when he’d want to educate his children himself, but only on certain subjects - reading and writing, for example. He trusts the maester just fine, he just wants to have that bonding opportunity with them. 

(He’s so proud of all of them no matter what though 😭)

If you’d be up for it, Tyrion would like several children. He’s not 100% on how many, since he’s never really given himself a chance to hope and daydream for a family. He knows he needs a son for the Lannister line to continue, but he’d never force you to continue risking your health for that. Ultimately, however many you want, that’s what he’ll be happy with. If it’s all girls, he’ll love them the same.

💘 Jaime Date HC

It’s actually amusing how bad he is at taking you somewhere interesting. It ends up being an accident - you run into him in a beautiful garden or some obscure part of the Red Keep, and he offers to show you something interesting he found. From there, you two get lost and take a while to find your way back.

... Or you take him somewhere you thought was interesting, and he goes along with it. When you point out that Jaime is pretty bad at this “courting” business, he just scoffs and says that’s definitely not what he’s doing. He’s just visiting with ... a friend ... .... just a friend. Yup.

Another aspect is the fact he’s a Whitecloak, and he might be having to avoid Cersei. That kind of makes things dicey.

However, when he returns from the Dreadfort and that absolute hell of a journey, he’s doesn’t care so much who sees you two. He wants to get away from the Red Keep, even if that’s his duty, so he starts wandering out with you. When Jaime is patrolling on his own and sees a place of interest, he makes a mental note to bring it up to you later. And when he does, and you offer to go with him ... Well, he won’t complain.

Since you two have been so many places, he starts to associate them with you. When he’ll pass by it on his own, he thinks about something you laughed at, or something you told him there. If you ever touched his hand or his face while you two visited a garden, he will remember that touch every single time he passes by. 

After you’ve known each other for a while, and he’s feeling sentimental, he’ll ask, “Do you remember those docks a mile away from the Red Keep? There was a man pushing a cart that had these colorful glasses and wares. You were wearing a blue dress, and when you dirtied it, I carried you around down the street?”

You have no idea where he’s talking about, but that’s the sort of road his memory lane is.

In the modern AU, he’s still pretty terrible at dates. He’s more of the type who wants to wander around with you and just pop into a place that seems interesting - and then he’ll associate you with it. Anytime he sees that cafe chain again, even in a different city, he remembers the hot cocoa you ordered and the little marshmallow mustache you gave yourself.

And honestly, he prefers to stay home with you, cuddling and watching something. He can be as bad as a needy cat when he wants cuddles and attention; you aren’t escaping anytime soon.

💖Jaime Pregnancy HC

Oh no.

Back when Jaime was a boy and lectured endlessly on the duties of a Lannister heir, he didn’t truly understand what that meant. Especially after Cersei coerced him into taking the white cloak, he figured he’d never have children of his own.

... Well. Then there was three. but they never felt like his, which was Cersei’s intention. It was so strange, even if they looked like him, he couldn’t connect Joffrey, Myrcella and Tommen to himself.

Also, look who his father is. That’s a lot to unpack.

It’s not until he’s completely left Cersei and lost his sword hand that he starts thinking and seeing things differently. It feels different when you play with the children, when you look longingly at mothers, when he’s intimate with you and you let him finish inside. He starts thinking what it’s like, and that’s scary, considering it never crossed his mind before.

And then he thinks about how his mother died, and what it did to his father. He never openly discusses it with you, but he has nightmares about it. Jaime doesn’t sleep well for a lot of your pregnancy, especially toward the last few months. He does a little better with each child. To distract himself, he takes care of you.

He likes the idea of having two children, a boy and girl, or two boys, but he’s fine with one or more than two. Anything more than four would probably overwhelm him.

Gods save the person who threatens you, even if it’s his sister. His protective instincts go into overdrive, to the point where someone being disrespectful to you on the street will make him want to fight.

💐 Jaime Family & Kids HC

When you tell him, honestly... his first thought is what an awful parent he’d be. He had one example for what a father is like, and he was hardly an influential part in the lives of the three children he sired. You’d have to reassure Jaime and give him confidence, because he has none where this is concerned. He’s positive he’ll screw it up somehow, he’ll be too distant, or too cruel. How do you even hold a baby? What do you say to little ones? He’s going to take care of you, there’s no question of that, but his nervousness is palpable. 

Still, he has such a cute smile when he holds his child - what he considers his first real one - and he right away sees you in them. Their nose, and smile, and eyes. It’s amazing, he decides.

Jaime is a terribly indulgent father. He tries to scold where he can, but more often than not he’s amused by his kid being mischievous. When they pull pranks on guests or get into fights with other kids, he’ll let them off easy if he felt like it was justified. If you’re the more disciplinary parent, the kids totally learn to go to Jaime when they want something.

He’s not overly physically affectionate, but he often ruffles their hair (even if they’re a girl with hair you just braided), gives them rides on his shoulders and lets them sit on his lap and fall asleep. He also has a habit of patting their cheeks or shoulders when he’s pleased.

Jaime didn’t think he’d be excited to teach swordplay and horseback, but he’s so happy when one of his kiddos is interested in both or either. Even if they’re a girl, he can’t help but teach her everything he knows. It also makes him feel better that he has something to teach and pass on even if he lost his sword hand.

Also ... he’s a terrifying papa lion. Do not ever even slightly threaten his children or wife in front of him. His temper and pride will flare and he’ll start a fight right there. 

Related to that, he can fight off Cersei’s cruelty and coldness to you and your children together because he knows how to deal with her. If Tywin disapproved of you in some way, or was trying to take control of how the children were reared, Jaime would genuinely struggle to stand up to him. He doesn’t want his kids to go through the childhood he had, but it’s difficult for him. He won’t go into full “fuck this” mode unless the children are seriously threatened. 

[lee-scribbles-and-doodles]

Episode 5 reactions

I'm just... I'm just jamming to the opening

Dododododododo

Maimtron 5000

Love that Max still works for the commissioner despite being president.

Also love that he’s performing his presidential duties in the office

Asdfgh the bill of rights is on the dart board

"Looks like it's another mob protesting your barbaric school lunch program." "Again? They just don't understand genius."

Mr. Spatula stole Sam's job as vice pres!?

"There it is, Jesse James' actual hand." "No, remember that carbon dater said--" "Jesse James' ACTUAL hand, amazing."

Leonard is still in the closet

"I sell it to you and next thing I know the bunny has it pointed right at me." -Max nods-

Jimmy just shot Sam with a tiny cannon ball

Bosco's a half-elf now

"Internet do-hicky" Oh Sam, you old fuck

"We fear and mistrust computers!"

"Max, I only bought you those encyclopedias because you promised you couldn't read."

Well that got me nowhere. To Sybil's!

Ooh she has a vr headset

Oh no, they think she's brainwashed

No don't hit her!

Ok we can't actually hit her

"I can't shoot Sybil!" Aw, friendship. She's probably one of the few people they wouldn't maim.

Oh, so I can steal the cannon.

Pfft Max just shoved Jimmy into it.

Do as Sam and Max would, launch a rat ass first at your friends face.

She's a beta tester now... And we ruined that gig for her. Sorry baby girl.

"I'm confused by the word, 'Reality.'"

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking, Max?" "I highly doubt it!"

"You're not suppose to cave that quickly! And you call yourself an addict."

Sybil, about Max, "He has no idea what he's talking about, does he?"

Sam, "Never."

Huh, the c.o.p.s. are a bunch of ais in outdated machines. Cute.

Lol Sam still thinks Sybil was hypnotized

"All we have to do is destroy the internet and all our problems are solved."

Oh boy, another song!

Chippy has some talent

Oh boy, encore.

Here they go a third time.

Max is getting progressively more annoyed as Sam encourages them

"YOU CAN NOT ESCAPE!" "You'll have to forgive him, he has a hard time saying goodbye."

When the internet say they make everything perfect. "But Sam still looks the same." "That's because I'm already perfect." Yeah my mans, you are!

Sybil has a cat named Musty.

"-gasp- A jack in the box, let's kill it!"

We're fighting with Jimmy over a virtual coin.

Ofc he runs into his rat hole.

"I love you, Hugh Bliss." "Hi, I'm not High Bliss." "I HATE you."

If you die in the game you die for real

"It must die. It and every one of its kind."

Wooden longsword of intense longness

I have to get his password, OK.

The fourth wall break while stealing the binoculars tho.

"Prune nuts." *giggles*

Ok I can’t distract him yet until I get the sword I think.

I guess let's use the bug on all the c.o.p.s.

Yeah OK, that's what I have to do.

-Sam makes a Mario reference- Max, "sellout."

Nice on the road reference

Time to beat the shit out of vr Jimmy for his vr money

"Jimmy is good people. Good people"

Got the sword, time to kill the slime.

Can I hit Bosco?

I can!

Sam and Max are so smug about it

Oh cool that knocked his vr goggles off

Oh, Bosco, you're so easy to trick

It took me far too long to get through the bank puzzel

Bosco sold us snot for a billion dollars

The computer disease looks like a veggie tales character

Got the jack in the box

New sword in billboard!

Oh, that's what the slime is for.

"You're just compisating for something." "You're a fine one to talk."

Oh, old Jack is a shield

Killing Auntie Biotic feels as if I just punched my racist great aunt in the jaw due to her resemblance to Myra.

Time to shove the disease in the mailbox

Oh lord the internet is going berserk

"But I'm too young and pretty to die." Oh max

Oh boy, old fashioned text adventure.

"I thought you always wanted a kitten." "I'd prefer a dry one." Max wants a kitten!!!

Aw, the internet apologized after we gave it back it's respect for living things.

Oh no, she died before she could tell us who Roy G Biv is.

Asdfgh they just move on from the whole ordeal as if nothing happened

Hugh Bliss in the moon... yeah I had a feeling he was probably going to be the final antagonist

[atmilliways]

hmmmmm for those letter prompts, a few to choose from: JT/Melm - G (my secret weakness), Seth/Amber/Melm - I (though you kind of already wrote it), orrrr Charles/Blues Devil - X (have you written those two yet?)

Oh come on, don’t you know me but at all? We don’t do OR in this house, only AND.

[how i'd wrie it]

JT/Melm - G, Growing Old Together

For therapy reasons, Melmord starts a cat rescue. For vexing John reasons, he runs it out of John’s house, but John allows this because Melm is very responsible and diligent about his (lets call a spade a spade) cat hoarding.

Everyone has adequate space, good food, clean water, outdoors and/or litter box access, socialization with humans/other cats/other animals, enrichment and regular playtime, etc. The really smart, active ones get clicker training. He makes sure that adopted cats go to good homes and that their new owners know exactly what they’re getting into, he has an on-call vet basically on retainer for checkups, spaying/neutering, and other health needs as they arise, and as the operation grows and he has to start hiring employees to help out he begins offering affordable community classes on cat body language, care, and training.

Bananas is lukewarm about this whole thing until he is given a collection of teenage problem-cats to look after and then he takes to these duties like a bull elephant poking young male elephants with their tusks to teach them manners. He also makes sure that any “gifts” brought inside are deposited in the official Live Gifts or Unlive Gifts areas.

They go into old-man-hood together, covered in cat hair and warm purring bodies.

Seth/Amber/Melm - I, Idiots in Love

I have written this, lol. Basically Amber is the Queen and she manages her two idiots with a firm but generous hand.

Charles/Blues Devil - X, X and O at the End of a Letter

I’d write this as a series of letters back and forth between them. As time goes on the language becomes increasingly hostile, and BD begins signing off his letters with a stylized skull and crossbones.

Then, there’s a non-letter scene in which they hook up for some eldritch hate sex that becomes increasingly affectionate. At the end, they both agree that they should have done that sooner and BD complains that Charles should have picked up on his skull and crossbones XO the first time, not the fourth, you jerk. Charles doesn’t actually apologize, but he does “take it under advisement.” They shake hands and part with the promise that they won’t go longer than a decade before their next hookup again, really great for stress relief (which is much needed given the state of today’s demonic economy).

So basically they're friends with benefits who pretend to be enemies because their lifestyles do genuinely clash but they have this longass history going back centuries and it's hard to top that.