#call it fic or call it meta either is valid i suppose

[utilitycaster]

It could be true that Ludinus survived the Calamity, but I think he is as old as he appears to be, which is to say, perhaps 650 or so. And if that’s the truth, this might be his story.

He was born in Molaesmyr - the only real city in the region, and quite honestly, the only one of size on the continent. There are scattered communities on the coast. It is unclear if the Kryn have begun to rebuild in the shadow of Ghor Dranas and if they are, who would think to look there? Perhaps there are dwarves who survived under the mountains and have rebuilt, but elves and dwarves do not always communicate much. The humans and halflings of western Wynandir are surviving as best they can. This is Wildemount, circa 200 PD.

The forest around him had burned for over a century. Molaesmyr is an oasis of greenery and civilization surrounded by ash that is only just beginning to regrow.

His parents remember a time when great workings of magic were common. He hears stories of the times before the Calamity clear in the memories of older elves, a shining time before the end. This is a motley crew of survivors and their children in Molaesmyr, some of whom had been on the terrestrial cities for whatever reason when Aeor fell and had survived the remainder of the devastation by whatever means they had. Some could remember escaping Avalir, as children, on skyships that left for anywhere but the lost continent of Domunas. Some had always lived surface-side, in cities that don’t exist anymore. Some believe themselves to be the only survivors of those cities.

They say Zemniaz crashed some ways to the south, and Draconia even further. Cross-continental communication is rare, but rumor is that Cael Morrow is gone. Nothing has been heard from Tal’Dorei. Only Vasselheim stands, of the cities his parents recognize from their youth.

In Molaesmyr, the elves worship Corellon and Sehanine. The oldest clerics can perhaps be persuaded to speak of a time when they met these gods - when they walked Exandria like anyone else. Some saw them in battle, to the east, massive, fighting against their betrayer counterparts.

But the gods aren’t here anymore. They can only reach them in dreams, in indirect signs achieved through ritual and prayer. There is a hesitance in the ceremonies young Ludinus Da’leth attends. Something missing, or something that never had to be done before. It feels slow, as if it’s pushing through an impossibly thick barrier. There is a sadness that surrounds the older clerics that makes services an awkward affair, and once he’s old enough, he stops going.

Ludinus doesn’t want to be a cleric. He studies the arcane, or what’s left of it. So many secrets have been lost. One of his teachers mutters that they wish they’d paid more attention, that they didn’t know half the spells of Exandria could now only be found in their ancient, battered spellbook.

The world around him ended not long before he was born. That’s what Ludinus knows, most of all. He was born into a dead world scarred by the gods, and his city is what they’ve managed to make of the scraps that were left.

Centuries pass. Human culture begins to rebuild. Marquesian sailors and the Ki’Nau people of the western coast of Wildemount form a seafaring society and a loose chain of allied cities forms. Two human nations arise, one in the southern valleys and one out of the ruins of Zemniaz. They fight and form, however disjointedly, an Empire to the south.

When Ludinus is in the prime of his life, the world ends again. Well, not the whole world, but the part where he is, which is what matters.

The child refugees of the floating cities, now in their old age, die in the poisonous haze. Molaesmyr falls in days. He is shocked at how surprised he feels, because he has always known, before he knew anything else, that what takes centuries to build can disappear in a fraction of that time. No one can step in to save Molaesmyr. No one can fight for it. There is no god coming in battle like the clerics have recounted.

He sees the power vacuum created after what the Empire calls the Eve of Crimson Midnight, and he steps into it. Power is a tool, after all, and he needs to amass it. The Empire is a modern creation, no mageocracy, and the kings will accept anything he tells them if they believe it’s for the good of their expansion. Whatever information he needs becomes a matter of national security, and elves live a long time. Long enough to find the answer, when the texts from Vasselheim are unveiled.

Maybe the smaller moon did speak to him. It’s possible that red storms gave him nightmares, and that he fled the purple-gray mist nearly laughing hysterically, that his dreams had been right but the color was wrong before he learned the truth.

Or he might have never dreamt of Ruidus. He might have just read a missive from Vasselheim, that something was broken into, and perhaps worthy of mention to other important political powers, and despite growing up in its shadow, did not know the history he was about to retrace.

[normalbrothers]

Omg my discord server has discussed that exact “facilitating sexual violence” thread with tommy. Our running theory (literally what we call “The Theory”) is that Arthur Sr facilitated Tommy’s abuse for money, and that’s created a lot of his views on people being investments. The “everyone’s a whore” line and his whole complex about Lizzie’s past (side note, also the way they look suspiciously similar… the mirrors are mirroring) are probably the most obvious examples, but the fears he has about being seen as useless to his family and his tendency to Literally “sell them out” for their continued success read like a monstrous combination of soldier mentality and childhood trauma. On top of that, the other people who (imo) conduct themselves the most like him in the criminal underworld, such as Polly, Michael, Grace, Jack (heavily implied), and Alfie (if you’ve listened to TGOAS) have also all been SA/SH victims. AND, in one way or another, those people betray Tommy— or a stand-in for Tommy —while playing the role of someone who was supposed to protect him/the stand-in. It is sooo!!!! Sorry that was a massive amount of word vomit but I had to yappppp 😫

´mh. the dangers of posting a take that doesn't get into the nuances. i kind of see your point(s), but i think i only agree with half of it, and even then with caveats. looking at a thematic thread is important, because it obviously Says Something, but i think getting into individual situations and what causes them, and the specific motivations that underline them is somewhat more important here, because it Says Something Even More.

this is rather long so i'm putting it under a read more (i hope it's not typo-riddled and that the sentences are legible, i find it awfully diffcult to actually make post on tumblr hdhd somehow the lay out doesn't appeal to my brain)

i haven't seen a lot of meta that actually argues for this, but arthur sr prostituting tommy (though, there are also fics that do the same thing with arthur) seems to be a relatively commonplace trope on ao3 - at least it's more prevalent than, say, arthur sr sexually abusing tommy himself. i can see where this comes from - sr appears like an opportunist who is mostly driven by wanting to make a quick buck for his own gain and who apparently has little emotional attachment to his children - and we have tommy's scathing line about children working for men "in their various ways", clearly implying sexual exploitation, but my personal theory when it comes to tommy and his relationship to his father doesn't exactly involve this (though, to be fair my take on their father is in general a little different than what fandom tends to go for - and, admittedly, i'm sentimental about this, but i don't think it's entirely unfounded either). but both are theories in the end, with an equal amount of "validity"; it's not like the concluding movie will confirm anything in that regard.

however, the problem with this theory, or rather making it the source of tommy's view of the world and the people around him, is that it precedes the war trauma, but the way we are introduced to tommy, how he operates and how we are meant to look at his initial ruthlessness (which is not a permanent state, it dissolves more and more as the show goes on) is the result of that specifically. the tommy before the war is someone that largely remains elusive to us. but we know that most of his family's grievances with him in the first season in particular are about how different (see: inaccessible and emotionally detached) he is since he came back - polly, arthur, their father point this out, all with varying degrees of judgment and condemnation, and much to tommy's dismay: he knows he's different, but unable to change that. it begets an odd feedback loop where he is rejected and simultaneously unable and often unwilling to talk about anything. thus the entire 'tommy doesn't talk to his family, his family (sometimes justifiedly) calls him out on it, but seemingly doesn't actually want to know anything, so tommy says even less' Complex becomes kind of a chicken and egg situation that causes most of their strife. but it's not necessarily a dynamic where one is categorically wrong and the other right. the troubling thing about this, of course, is that he often jumps things on them without briefing them beforehand and this may have the result that someone gets hurt - it's a nasty habit he has, but also something that lessens as the show goes on, but it's ... not exactly coming from nowhere. indeed, his family doesn't listen to or is dismissive of him; they are quite a few instances where they against his orders or don't heed his requests or warnings (a huge point of contention in season 3). important here is also that he doesn't retaliate or punish for this - if he's sometimes displeased and huffy that he isn't given a lot of respect by the people closest to him (as one would respect a traditional patriarch), he does little to and is unable to actually enforce it, nor is he feared by them.

nevertheless, he's still, in a way, regarded as the family's emotional center (next to polly), and despite everything, is still entrusted to look after his family members, my assumption is that he had a sort of caretaker function before the war without being considered the head of the family (it's important to point out that he takes over in s1, in his late twenties, instead arthur (early thirties) is introduced to us as the head of the family, the script itself goes as far as calling him a 'king': and he still tries to act with authority towards tommy in the beginning, which makes me think that this is something that *did* work once upon a time (actually, you can still see glimpses of this throughout the show), but doesn't anymore: tommy only starts to challenge him at this point, where both of them are well into adulthood) - and what tommy says of himself is that he believed they deserved better and that he used to be impatient and angry at 'slowness'. the notion that he was a romantic and idealist seems plausible to me; in that sense i don't think he was born a businessman, that he was always able to strategize, and use people, with aim for profit - and even then this is not exactly what motivates him in the first place.

so this is evidently not something his father taught him, but rather a trait (the compartmentalization, using people as tools as he himself is a tool) he developed over the course of the war where at some point he served as sergeant major, with men under him that he was responsible for, but also had to command (always in the extremely stressful context that any of them could die, and that any mismanagement or misstep on tommy's part could be the reason for this - *that* is the root of tommy's ruthlessness/emotional "coldness", he has to compartmentalize: his friends and brothers become soldiers he commands, with the traumatic knowledge that he might be sending them to their deaths - that arthur and john survive, also because of him, informs their dynamic once they return. they very much trust him as their leader, that tommy will take care of things and that he knows what he's doing, but without the circumstance of a literal war, they become brothers (human) again and these pre-war relationships and the traumatic distribution of their roles during the war are a source of conflict - it's not just a terrible thing for arthur and john, it also has a bad impact on tommy. something of a side note: while wealth and status and the trappings that come with it are things he enjoys - as does the rest of the family! - his attempts to achieve legitimacy and assimilation have more to do with safety for himself and his family (and he brutally learns that this is not really possible). for example john and arthur - as "bad" as him - enjoy the life, even as they admire tommy for what he seems capable of, they don't really see a point in tommy's plans to go legitimate. both of them would have, likely, been "content" to remain gangsters and rule over their small corner of the world (though, of course, we are privy to arthur's ongoing dilemma of wanting two opposing things and that he buckles under his own guilt, as tommy does) - that is not a safer way of living, however. sooner or later someone like campbell would have shown up anyway, and any of them could have still been gunned down in a turf war or have been arrested and eventually faced legal punishment for their crimes. this is not a position that tommy put them in, but of course, through tommy, they face problems on a larger scale - but the entire family wouldn't have been safer either way - this is an incredibly important point - poor and marginalized and criminalized and criminal as they are.

so, my very longwinded first point here is that tommy's behaviour, as it starts out in the show and how we see it transform over the course of it, is not something his father taught him. i also think it's a mistake framing tommy as acting like his father in any way (their motivations and ambitions and personalities are almost completely diametrically opposed) - this isn't really something that the show makes a point of, and he is certainly not replicating something, according to this theory, that his father subjected him to with his family members. mostly he structures the business militaristically, with him as a commanding officer - that business and family are the same thing, in a sense, and that it doesn't work as neatly as it should in theory is big ongoing problem for all of them.

okay, now coming to the actual point around the subject of 'facilitating sexual violence'.

for this i actually have to make another point that i haven't gotten into yet, but something that is important about tommy is that he starts out with a very rigid "them vs us" mindset (@deadendtracks pointed out that this also is a result of the shelbys being particularly marginalized as romani/travelling people, even among their equally poor working class peers) - he actually makes a sharp distinction between family and not-family. it's a fairly fascist rationale and it's not an accident that once he enters politics, and comes up against mosley, he starts to expand his scope (though it is incomplete as of yet), to care for more than just his family's safety and success. non-family people are those he tends to use or exploit, often with little consideration or guilt (or the guilt is compartmentalized: there is a reason he sees the pile of anonymous dead bodies in his bathroom when he has the seizure in s6), those are who he sees as investments and who he would "sell out" if it benefits him and the family. this is not true for his family members, actually. my guess is that fandom conflates these two things, because there seems to be a lasting misunderstanding of what happened in s3 with the arrests - which didn't happen, because tommy "sold them out", but as a consequence of things tommy had a limited amount of control over (i'm not at all suggesting that tommy is blameless here, but it's a little more complex than that). and this actually starts in s2, after his mock execution (a form of torture) he is told that churchill/the government will make use of him when the time comes, the events of s3 are predicated upon this (actually the entirety of s1 and s2 are the building blocks for the s3 arc and fallout (tommy being arguably hubristic in the beginning plays a minor, rather than a major, part)): under the threat of his family being executed, they are coerced into the russian plot - this is not something tommy chose to do. what he does is demand payment for it, however, but you can see a logic in this: if he gets fucked, they should at least compensate him. (this is an aspect of tommy's "everyone's a whore" thesis as well). tommy repeatedly warns and cautions is family over the season: it's absolutely not in his interest that any of them get arrested, or that he "sells them out" or that he sacrifices them (i could also get into the fact that even if one makes the point that he doesn't care for his family beyond seeing their utility, sacrificing them would be dumb, economically, because tommy knows he can't do things on his own, he has to delegate, and willingly sacrificing people profoundly loyal to him through familial and love relations for some middle-term goal, that might not work out at all, is ... a silly thing to do - who could he possibly replace them with?)

i somewhat understand that the initial perception would be that tommy is capable of this, tommy is possibly somewhat opaque in the beginning - but it never actually happens in the show, certainly not in the way people talk about it, and at some point i think the distinction (family and not-family) tommy makes should become clear to the audience - because it's a thematic element that underlines tommy's arc from s1 to s6. i also think you have to make a difference between arthur and john as soldiers/gangsters and polly and ada (and finn) who are "civilians". they are all part of a criminal organization, voluntarily as far as it goes (ada, of course, makes a point of distancing herself from the family at first, which tommy doesn't really fight her on). john and arthur are soldiers like tommy, and they make up the "illegal" musclework of their business efforts; beyond the moral injury around killing (sustained in the war), they are also aware that what they do could end badly for them: they are not blue-eyed about it, and they agreed to this. it's not forced upon them by tommy, setting aside that tommy himself gets his hands dirty; he does not treat them as disposable goons who do all the bloody work while tommy sits back and keeps his hands clean. (tommy does have goons he doesn't care about, though). he is not exploiting his brothers - which is another aspect of "selling them out", i guess. i think that is diminishing the agency they have, and the fact that they act on their own and why they do so and they certainly don't always follow tommy's orders. and then of course, ada and polly (and the wives) are kept out of the line of fire (which tragically doesn't always work), both as women, but also because they don't have the experience of killing/war. finn is an different can of worms, and probably deserves it's own separate meta.

okay! i'm getting to the part about sexual violence. now.

sexual violence - the allusions to past trauma, the constant threat of it and the actual acts we see happen on the show - permeates the narrative fabric of the show. as another smart person once pointed out, it's not a mistake that the show's (powerful) antagonists, simultaneously representatives of institutions (the police, the clergy, the aristocracy) that shape and order society, tend to be perpetrators of sexual violence as well: campbell is a rapist, hughes is an abuser of children and while mosley and mitford are not shown to be either of these things, their depraved sexual predatoriness still stands out.

of course, tommy here, as a "middleman" or medium is a subject worthy of discussion, then, but i also think we have to look at these instances where it happens separately (because they are not the same, despite the connecting thread).

grace and kimber: this might be a subjective impression, but i think what tommy does here is the most calculating (and in that sense the worst if just going by his motivations) out of all these examples. he takes note of kimber's obvious interest in grace and at this point likely already plans to make her part of his deal at the race. a big point here, in fact, is that grace is not only not-family, but she's a complete outsider to small heath/birmingham as well, and tommy very quickly clocks her as an upperclass woman on top. while he doesn't suspect her of being a spy (instead he manufactures his own explanation for her presence that grace cleverly adopts), she's still suspicious to him. initially, while also being attracted to and intrigued by her, tommy sees her as an intruder still at the point of episode 3 (where the race happens). in a way, she means nothing to him here, and given kimber's visible attraction to her, it seems like an easy quick way to let him proceed in his efforts. that he changes his mind - perhaps his conscience kicking in after all, perhaps because he already likes her more than he thought - is important conclusion to all this. he can't go through with it. and this is the beginning of the show where i think he's still reeling from the war, in that sense is the most ruthless/shut off (barring s4 where he's deeply cynical and depressed), and simultaneously on a high, because things are generally going well for him and the family (besides campbell's pesky presence).

lizzie and the marshall: it's somewhat important to note tommy genuinely didn't want to her to get hurt - that he needed her to lure the marshall away, but not to actually engage in sexual activity, is true. and tommy acts on short notice - he's desperate to get the assassination done while fearing that at the end of it he will be executed (he doesn't get out of the situation through any scheme of his, but rather is "spared", but of course, that he's spared only means is continued exploitation by the government). all of that is pretty worthless to lizzie, to be sure, who gets assaulted anyway, and none of that would have happened if tommy hadn't wasted time to brag to campbell that grace loves him. this disregard, though not exactly cruelty, towards lizzie (instead of ensuring her safety, he opts to talk about the woman he's in love with) constitutes a tragic element of their relationship. he doesn't hate her, nor do i really think he as a "complex" around her being a prostitute, but he tends to spare her little thought, and this is certainly influenced by her class (and sex) most of all. connected to this is also a mindset that "she can take it", and in that way tommy does relate to her, because he can as well, but of course, it's not the same either; their relationship doesn't start out as a very equal one, and on top of this, lizzie is not-family as well. here it's important to note that this is not a fixed, but something that changes: he very much starts to see her as part of the family and which brings me to another point that underscores tommy's family/not-family delineation. in s5, mosley basically asks him to hand lizzie over - given what tommy's trying to do, complying with mosley's request would actually make things easier for him, but he very brusquely (and remarkably so, because tommy is afraid of this man and never really finds himself capable of saying 'no' to other things) tells him off, and eventually gives lizzie room to reject him herself.

arthur and tatiana: while i included them in my post, i think it's a bit different than these other two situations - not because arthur's violation here isn't awful, or to suggest the sentiment that women can't sexually assault men, but this is the contemporary assumption and it would be anachronistic for any of these characters to actually think along these lines. tommy knows that his brothers are going to have to strip in front of izabella and tatiana, and characteristically only tells them of it last minute; arthur is unwilling, but "obeys" in the end. at first, tommy's visibly amused by it - part of this is petty revenge, because both john and arthur prior made fun of him for "working" with tatiana - but when she goes too far and starts to molest arthur, tommy's entire demeanor shifts; he grows horrified and dissociates. tommy couldn't have predicted that the situation would get out of hand, but he did wrong by arthur to not try and tell him earlier (then again, this is all under the big context that tommy doesn't actually want to be there either (and all this in the aftermath of his assault and hughes breathing down his neck) and arthur himself has shown to be somewhat fickle and unreliable throughout the season so far; he doesn't want to take any risks here, but of course, that doesn't entirely justify it either).

another sidenote: arthur and sacrifice is also an interesting subject, because i know the fandom has a tendency to assign a vast power imbalance between tommy and arthur, where tommy has all the leverage, and poor, loyal, traumatized arthur has no choice but to obey his brother. arthur is expendable to tommy, arthur is too good-natured and naive to see it. this is non-sense, of course, but it seems like no amount of meta or attempts to even the scales here will ever change this misconception. i won't get into it too much right now, but what i'm going to get at - and this is actual an important aspect when it comes to this sexual violence continuum and tommy as "middleman" theme in the show - is arthur and linda. arthur's behaviour towards linda escalates into abuse from season 4 onward and while not explicit, it seems to be that part of this abuse is also sexual in nature (linda tries to appease arthur with sex in s4, he kisses her against her will and to her palpable fear and disgust while grabbing her throat in s5, and in s6 linda makes "not sleeping with arthur" a part of her deal with tommy, it's an attempt to insure herself as she accepts tommy's request to help him) - tommy likely doesn't know this, but he does enable arthur's abuse of her. mind you, "enabling" doesn't make him the culprit or the instigator, that is all arthur. while linda is technically family as well, there is a hierarchy at play, and her imposed role is that of arthur's caretaker, if linda leaves, so tommy fears, arthur might spin out of control and self-destruct (or go destructive on others). it's not only that he worries arthur can't be of use to him anymore, he genuinely cares for and loves him, and if it means he has to stuff linda into the meatgrinder he'll do it. the decision tommy makes when relaying the information of linda's whereabouts is not one he makes gladly - he's fiddling with his cyanide capsule during the conversation - but it's triage between arthur and linda/her friend (it doesn't help that arthur insistently and aggressively threatens tommy over the phone while using textbook abuser talk concerning linda ("i just want to talk")). he makes the choice and gives arthur the information, knowing that arthur will likely do as arthur does. it's another instance that illustrates tommy's family vs not-family mindset (or more intricately, that there's also a hierarchy within his family). i'm also bringing this up, because through arthur's threats he also makes use of tommy - tommy tries to bargain with arthur and arthur steamrolls tommy (it's not an accident that this conversation is sandwiched between tommy and lizzie's deal and his attempts at making a deal with mosley, who similarly steamrolls him ("it's not going to be that kind of relationship"),

now having written all that down, my tentative conclusion is a) tommy has a habit of sacrificing people, but those are not his family members and b) the middleman theme is important, but a lot of this ruthlessness has to do with his experience in the war rather than something he strictly learned in his childhood (at the hands of his father) c) the aspect of sexual violence - and sexual violence as an ongoing theme in the show - factors into this and tommy, around whom this theme is constructed, is not free of guilt here, but that he is not the perpetrator is an important qualitative distinction. there are also other points i made, but my brain is about to explode lol

i'm trying to keep the last part short re: characters people who conduct themselves like tommy. using experience of sexual violence as the lowest common denominator doesn't actually translate into a lot of shared behaviour among these characters in my eyes. polly shares tommy's sense of familial responsibility and has vested interest in their success and safety, but she doesn't operate the way tommy (and arthur and john) does, because she's lacking the war experience. michael's big tragedy is that he never comes home - he remains alienated within the family, due to the traumatic events of his adoption, but another part of this is also that, despite this, he was afforded a relatively privileged middle class upbringing with access to a good formal education. he doesn't understand the criminal world the way tommy and the rest of the family do (he's also a little audacious about it all) grace is a true believer in her cause - she is an agent of the crown and therefore someone who furthers the interests of her class. the law is on her side, that makes her the opposite of a criminal (of course, the thesis of the show is the hypocrisy of legitimacy: what's the difference between an upperclass person/aristocrat who sits on generational wealth and power, achieved through the subjugation of an impoverished and marginalized majority and colonialism, and the shelbys who commit violence in a very direct way in order to move up in the world, but the effects of their violence are on a much smaller scale and in the beginning not structural (that the peaky blinders become a sort of institution by the end of the show is Another point)) nelson ... is tommy if tommy was completely amoral and apolitical: he's the perfect business man in that sense and they may have a shared understanding of where they come from, but the trajectory of these people is vastly differently (nelson is probably an amalgation of both arthur and tommy's worst potential, he could be tommy if tommy was, as i said, actually amoral and apolitical and he has perfected, with his lack of conscience and guilt, arthur's sadistic streak) alfie also doesn't really operate like tommy in my eyes, and i think this is mostly due to him possessing no familial ties (i mean, he seems to have a family, but there's in implication of closeness, the mother he mentions is dead, if i remember correctly). it's fascinating to me that he attaches himself to tommy the way he does, to the point of wanting tommy to euthanize him.

all these characters have somewhat different motivations, philosophies and experiences - it makes the commonalities they share interesting, but i think little of it is actually built on experience of sexual abuse, especially as it seems that this is, amongst other things, what makes their points of view so varying.

as i've said, i can see your points, but my feelings are that a lot of it is being conflated and that it requires more nuance when looking at these details. working out the themes of something - which a story is built on - doesn't quite make up for looking what this concretely means or how exactly it plays out/what actually happens

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

Hey not sure if when you answer this I'll write the fic or not but on Antonia scenario...you think Harry would try to hurt her? Bc I'm on the fence here. On the other hand, if he tries to attack it would be ackowldge she is a threat to him. On the other hand...he almost killed Draco...so.

Would he do it? Try to take down a literal demigod is one of the stupidest things he could ever do.

OP is referring to this post.

Well, given the timeliness, I suppose I better answer sooner rather than later.

That said, if you want story advice (this goes to anyone) it's probably best to DM me rather than make posts. But since this is writing advice disguised as a meta I'll oblige.

The Writing Advice Part of the Talk

Write what you want.

It's not about what, I, The Carnivorous Muffin, wants or does not want in a story. It should be about what you want to write and what you want to get out of a story. I have my opinions, I like to think I write well, but that doesn't mean I should be used as a validation thermometer.

If you want to write coffee shop AU where Hermione's an underpaid barista and Tom Riddle's a mafioso who likes his Frappuccino's, then go for it. I won't lie, I will judge your story, but you're not there to please the likes of me. You're there to have fun.

So, again, not what I would do.

But What Would You Do, Muffin?

Depends on the story you're trying to tell here. Like you, I could see it going either way. If it happens though, I think the catalyst would likely be that Harry sees Voldemort and Dumbledore obsessing over Antonia. Like the Department of Mysteries, Harry thinks something nefarious is going on.

This is amplified as, once again, no one is listening to him or telling him any information.

Hermione likely theorizes (as Harry's not... smart enough for this) that Dumbledore may have been compromised. Obviously, Harry's the boy who lived and always has been. So, perhaps Voldemort has set up this Antonia as a red herring while Voldemort plans some terrible threat to Britain.

There's likely a very long period where Harry desperately tries to tell Dumbledore this/convince him of this but Dumbledore's not taking his phone calls. In desperation, a growing sense of impotence, and his own hero complex Harry may travel to Italy to track down Atonia himself. This could very easily escalate into a fight which... does not go well.

I do think it'd require both a) build up and b) massive character development on Harry's end. Harry, in a way, has gotten everything he ever wanted. He's not the boy who lived anymore, but a regular person, just like he's always dreamed. Only... turns out being a regular person isn't all it's cracked up to be.

[bellatrixobsessed1]

Azula is one of those characters who either gets girlbossified or utterly demonized and neither is fair. She is intelligent,determined,hardworking and powerful. But as a result of Ozai molding her into a weapon she also became an emotionally abusive person towards Zuko(either manipulating him or insulting&belittling him),Mai&Ty Lee. Fanfiction sometimes fails by blaming her victims and sometimes fanfiction fails by erasing Azulas traumas.

Long so under the cut.

Maybe I’m just an old ass mf but I don’t really like the whole ‘girlboss, gaslight, gatekeep’ trend. To me it comes off as trying to make two serious topics cutesy and quirky and I’m not a fan. Maybe it’s supposed to be ironic or I’m missing something.  But not a fan. xD  Okay, I don’t mind girlboss lol. 

But back to Azula; I noticed that too I feel like some fans have a tendency to reduce these characters to black and white versions of themselves. I’m not going to knock anyone for that especially younger people; when I first watched Avatar (at 13) I had a pretty black and white view of the characters myself. I think that what it comes down to is that you learn to think more complexly and with more nuance as you get older because you have more life experience to apply as well a new points of view.

I also think that personal biases come into play both on the pro and anti Azula fronts. People who see their abuser/bully in her will demonize, criticize, or write her off and people who relate to Azula and see themselves in her will glorify, excuse, or woebify her. Which to an extent is fair; a well written character is a character that can strike these kinds of cords and make people feel strongly about them. What isn’t okay is harassing other people for their projections/interpretations and what not. 

The other big one I see a lot is that people just seem to have a hard time coming to terms with and accepting that abuse victims can do abusive things. Because that’s a hard and tragic pill to swallow. 

It’s just a helluva lot easier to say, “Azula is pure evil” or “Azula did nothing wrong” then it is to say, “Azula is a very human-like character with a multi-faceted backstory and personality.”

I think that one more big factor (going back to biases a bit) is that people get on the defensive. Azula fans see anti shit in her tag (where it doesn’t belong, btw) and retaliate by justifying every little thing. While antis will see pro Azula content and get defensive about not liking her and demonize her to validate their hatred. Which is a trend I’ve been seeing a lot lately; you don’t have to call something a buzzword to not like it. You’re allowed to just not like something even for a petty reason. By extension people should also be allowed to just think that something is neat without having to type paragraphs about why. 

Anyhow, I think that there are a whole lot more factors that come into play but these are the ones that I can think of off the top of my head.

As for the fanfiction bit I have two, perhaps conflicting, opinions on this;

A can sometimes be basically one giant meta/character analysis and so the author can write whatever take they want. There isn’t any truly wrong take on any one character. An author’s work is their work and as such they can do whatever they want with it. 

The best fanfics (in my personal opinion) are the ones that don’t go out of their way to demonize or glorify anyone character--unless its being told from the POV of a different character who would idolize or demonize said character. Basically you shouldn’t be able to tell who the author’s favorite and least favorites are (beyond that it’s clearly centered on a particular character xD).

I also think that sometimes fics aren’t the best way to gage a person’s takes on a character. For example Jet takes on a very antagonistic role in several of my fics. I actually do like him as a character. Sometimes it just fits the narrative of the fic to make him just a bad dude. Likewise I once wrote Yue, sweet, friendly, Yue as the bitchy mean girl. I’ve also written good dad Ozai. So I think that in some cases a fic isn’t going to necessarily reflect the author’s metas and character opinions. 

[mannatea]

Hi. I used to follow your old blog on a different account. Hope you're doing well. Do you have any tips on thinking up stories that are *not* dark and depressing due to subject material? The last story I was working on I had to quit because the backstory I was developing for my passive male character was super depressing. At times I enjoyed researching it, though what won out was the thought I was wasting my time looking into angsty things for something I wasn't even planning to publish. Now I want to write something a little happier. But I have the most experience in writing angst and cringe comedy 😅 thanks for any help you can give. Stay safe out there!

By the way, good on you for dropping that manga you used to follow. I was happy most of the characters lived, but other than that, it felt "meh" to me (granted, I didn't read all the way from the beginning). The author was probably going for a "people will always be fighting each other" theme, but some of the imagery of what happened after a time skip could definitely be taken as pro-fascist. And I was disappointed the protagonist basically said he wanted to bring about destruction! I'm glad I didn't spend any money to read it.

Wow, hi! I’m doing all right, thanks for asking. I hope you’re doing all right, too. :)

As far as “that manga” goes, I’ve kept tabs on it. I’ve been on the fringes for the last two-ish years; I dedicated something like four real life years to that fandom and mostly had a good time while I was there (made some friends I hope to keep for life), so it was one of those situations where I just had to find out how it ended. I realized at some point that I was in a very negative space in the fandom, and felt it was better to publicly drop the series and the blog associated with all of my meta/discussion than to play in what had become a toxic pool for me. I didn’t really want to drop the account after my time there, but I couldn’t have dealt with the nonstop questions/messages/etc that would have piled in over the years, and eh, when you’re done you’re done. I criticize Hallmark television for fun, now, instead. It’s a lot less stressful! And literally nothing is That Deep so there’s very few delusions, at least on the Tumblr side of things. (Reddit, however, is insane, but I don’t post in the fandom there.)

As far as writing advice goes, I am going to apologize in advance for muddled thoughts. I just got out of work and have been staring at numbers all day, so it’s hard for me to think lmaoo.

In my opinion, any sort of character or personality type/flaw/whatever could have developed via a negative OR positive influence/catalyst, so that’s something to consider. I also think people tend to reach for “sad” or “traumatic” pasts either as a way to cope with their own issues/pasts/whatevers, or because it’s the “easy explanation” for why a character is the way they are.

If you WANT to write things a certain way, it’s sometimes a matter of changing the lens through which you’re viewing life, the story, the characters, or character writing in general. This is never easy, especially when you find a genre you feel comfortable in, but it’s always possible. When I was in college and submitted an autobiographical piece (Rot Tooth) for a creative writing final, I received multiple comments from classmates and even the professor that my talent/skill was in writing comedy. COMEDY!!!! I don’t think anyone who has read my writing from the last decade would say that I was a comedy writer. I stopped labeling ‘fics as humor/romance so long ago I can’t even remember when it was. But boom. I had written a comedy piece.

I don’t think I can ignore that most of the comedic elements in Rot Tooth were brought about because humor is one of the ways in which I cope with things, but it was also a very conscious choice I made. I wanted people to be able to engage with the story without being grossed out, without getting bored, without feeling that it was a poor-pathetic-me story, and humor was the classiest way to do it. Here, read this long story that includes journal entries from Ye Olde Livejournal days, but it will make you laugh often enough that the depressing aspects of the story don’t weigh it down too much! It was probably the only way to make the subject matter widely palatable. 

As often as I joke about characters or scenes or moments that “just write themselves” the author does have control. I mostly write fanfiction, so let’s go with examples from that.

I’m (very slowly) working on a ‘fic called Three Years which features a character who, when last seen, was headed off to serve a prison sentence. They haven’t been on the show for three years and thus I assume they have been serving that sentence for the last three years. The story starts when this character is released from prison. They are a woman. This is a historical piece of fiction. Prisons were vile to women and yet...this is fiction. I have a choice. I get to choose. Does she get to start her life off carrying 25 bags of trauma or just 2? It would be unreasonable to expect that someone, especially a woman, who was imprisoned for 3 years in the early 1900s wouldn’t have some issues (at the very least, the isolation would have been awful), but it doesn’t really have to be much worse than that. It doesn’t.

I have the power to choose.

A character has anger issues. Sure, he could have had a traumatic past with an abusive parent who took his anger out on him or his mom or whatever...or maybe it is an inherited personality trait and the parent figure with the problem was never really That Bad about it, but seeing it normalized makes it harder for the character in question to realize it’s a huge problem and part of their character arc is realizing they need to get help, not because they don’t want to be like their dad, and not because they hate their dad, but because they just want to be a better person/they don’t want to let that struggle consume them.

Someone’s sweetheart goes off to war. Guess what? They don’t have to die there to force a traumatic past. They don’t have to come back a raging alcoholic either. Maybe the time apart, and the time fighting a war just puts a natural sort of crack in the relationship by making it clearer to each character what they want in life/what matters to them in their life.

A character is super passionate about their work/hobby. Maybe they have ADHD and it’s a hyperfixation. Maybe they’re autistic and it’s a Special Interest. It doesn’t have to be “their parents ignored them and forced them to be alone all the time and they used this thing to cope so it means everything to them because it’s always been there.”

Maybe you have a character whose greatest fear is losing the people they love. It doesn’t have to be because a pet died in their arms when they were four and it traumatized them. It doesn’t have to be because they only have one person they love in the whole world. It can just be a thing because that’s a valid fear literally anyone can reasonably have, and maybe it’s a bigger deal because they don’t have siblings or aren’t close to many people! (And the “aren’t close to many people” thing doesn’t have to stem from trauma, either. Most busy adults for example who get to choose their friends, are just like that.)

A perfectionist might just have the personality type; it doesn’t mean their parents criticized everything they ever did. A person with three failed marriages might hesitate to fall in love and try again but it doesn’t have to be because those three failed marriages were abusive. A quiet character may just be shy or introverted by nature. 

I think everyone carries some kind of trauma with them, so it’s never unreasonable to have some in a person’s past (you can’t write an ugly character without having to think about the fact that they carry some trauma from what it’s like to grow up ugly), but it doesn’t have to define them. It doesn’t have to overshadow everything else in their past.

You can always ask yourself, “Why am I reaching for angst every time I create a backstory?” Literally everyone has some kind of angst. Most kids were hurt by things said to them in school, for example, or made fun of for some reason. Most people did something extremely embarrassing as a kid and never got over it. There are a thousand little moments in our adult lives that go back to these little points—you might call them the tiny traumas. But they’re not defining. They’re not so heavy they also live in the present. Not all of them.

Why do you reach for the darkest corner? Why not for the light? Or a middle ground?

I encourage people to write basically whatever floats their boat, but it sounds like you’re at a point where you just feel weighed down by that sort of stuff, and that’s not a great way to feel, especially when it discourages you from working on a project entirely.

My final suggestion: look at some of your favorite characters from various types of media. Are they all traumatized? What are their defining characteristics? Black Beauty has some depressing stuff in it, but is ultimately a story with a happy ending. Pride and Prejudice has drama, but nobody’s past is filled with the darkest stuff imaginable. North and South has awful things to consider in it (cotton mills were sooo awful) but the characters are not wildly traumatized people.

What kind of story are you trying to tell? Do the characters need to be traumatized to tell it? Does the story have to be dark to get across the message you want to send? 

Way back in the day, when I was into “that manga” I made an RP blog for a one-off character that nobody gave a damn about. Like, he was so one-off that even back in those days nobody even remembered him having existed. It was sort of a joke RP blog that wasn’t supposed to be serious. The only canon information we had about this character was that he enjoyed drinking. I decided to make him a lighthearted character because the series was pretty dark and I wanted to send people hilarious starters instead of wading through the muck of depression with everyone else’s sad, abused characters. I decided his family was old money and he had a brother. Nothing super traumatizing in his past. Some family issues but not the sort of thing that would haunt anyone. He was not traumatized in his recent past any more than other characters were. Mostly just “a regular guy.” I really loved RPing him. He was fun! The story could get heavy but he didn’t have to be.

Anyway, dive head-first into the dark angst if you want, but if it’s not necessary to tell the story you want to tell, just remember you don’t have to go there. You have the choice.

[dianaraven]

1, 10 and 14?

😘 ren my friend

1. Tell us about your current project(s)  – what’s it about, how’s progress, what do you love most about it?

So! Current project I’m writing is called It’s Not Funny the Second Time and is the long-awaited (oops) sequel fic to my robin!reversal Joke’s On You (ao3   ffn). I’ve written the whole outline out and now I’m just rereading comics to get the characters’ voices and then I’ll finally start writing. Relative to my last two projects (which were both oc) this’ll be pretty short (I hope)--only about 50k. And since it’s fic it should hopefully go by pretty quickly. 

I really love the world I set up. This fic was supposed to be the only one in this series, but when I realized where exactly I needed my characters to be JoY was born out of it. The more I played around with my version of robin!reversal the more fun I was having, and to this day JoY is one of my favorite fics I’ve ever written (much more than d-c to my surprise).It’s just a cool concept. 

10. How would you describe your writing process?

Oof... this is a hard one... hmm... I would say chaotic. In my brain a lot of the time it does feel like just straight up screaming--but in both a good and bad way. I crave constant validation so the writing discord was such a blessing. This is also the reason I use outlines--not to work on plot but literally for that good good Seratonine when I cross a section off to say I’ve gotten that written down. I’ve only made an outline like that for StP cuz I was a planner and realized, to my shock, it’s much easier to write a book when I... know... what’s going to happen next. Crazy. Idk how much I’ll stick to that though. I do like that Good Good Line-Crossing-Off. Unfortunately that requires me to Not Write until I have the whole book planned which is.... hard. And, again, need that instant gratification soooooooooooo, we’ll see ig. 

14. At what point in writing do you come up with a title?

Either at the end or the beginning. And by beginning I mean literally the first thing I do is think of the title and then I write the book based off that idea/concept. If it’s at the end it’s because I wrote the thing and have the “wait... now I gotta name it too?” My projects will have codenames (which is the doc name) but I’ll know that the codename is not what I actually want to call it. 

ask me fun meta asks for writers 

[imaginaryfriendcomic]

a long, meta PSA

Hello, my good readers! Firstly, I’m very glad to see we’re almost reaching 1k followers, and I’m still very determined to finish the next page - I’m nearly done with the whole layout!

Though what I want to talk about today is something I’ve been thinking for a while. As many of you may know, Imaginary Friend was technically going to be a comic adaptation of the original fanfiction I posted a long time ago. Now, I’m not saying I’m going to change the entire plot, yet there’s something in there that’s actually been bothering me, now that I think of it: and that’s about Gaster being a dad before the Void. Please read the whole post before commenting or sending asks!

*SPOILERS FOR THE ORIGINAL STORY

TRIGGER WARNINGS - MENTIONS OF ABUSE AND NEGLECT

Even from the first 23 pages, you know that Gaster is drowning in his sorrows and regrets. He keeps saying how he failed at being the Royal Scientist, for not being able to free everyone, and at being a father to Sans and Papyrus. If anyone has gotten to the fanfiction already, it’s claimed that Gaster used to overwork himself and did not spend a lot of time with his sons, and that “he pushed them away.” I’ll be including some chapter pieces here to prove my points:

LIKE I SAID, I WAS THE ROYAL SCIENTIST. I MARRIED A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN AND HAD TWO CHILDREN. MY WIFE, UNFORTUNATELY, PASSED AWAY... THE ONLY GOOD THINGS I HAD IN MY LIFE THEN WERE SANS AND PAPYRUS. I HAVE DONE EVERYTHING TO GIVE THEM A GOOD LIFE, WHICH MADE ME WORK EVEN HARDER AFTER MY WIFE WAS GONE. BUT THEN  I STARTED BEING SO FOCUSED ON WORK THAT I DIDN'T REALLY GIVE THEM MUCH ATTENTION. I BARELY SPENT TIME WITH THEM. WHEN I WAS IN A BAD MOOD, I USUALLY TOLD THEM TO LEAVE ME ALONE... I WASN'T A GOOD FATHER.

(chapter 2)

He let his wife die; nothing he had done to cure her from her disease worked. He neglected Sans and Papyrus, barely spent time with them and... treated them like they were just a burden in his life, when they really weren't. He had failed at freeing monsters, he had broken everyone's trust. He had disappointed everyone. He had had one job, and he failed.

(chapter 7)

It’s even implied that Sans looked after Papyrus on his own, too, which is further confirmed in the sequel I made, You’re Home Now (which contains Grillby x Gaster, just warning you guys).

He was very proud of them, despite Sans being lazy... His elder child did a great job taking care of Papyrus when he was younger (...).

(chapter 1)

The little Sans was home (in their very, very old house, the one located in New Home), watching television with young Papyrus. It was already late, the babysitter hadn't been able to come over, leaving Sans the responsibility of taking care of himself and his little brother, which wasn't that bad. Despite being a kid, Sans was actually responsible enough for his father to trust him at this task, though Papyrus could give some hard work sometimes.

(You’re Home Now, chapter 2)

Maybe this hasn’t crossed in anyone’s minds - if they’ve already read the fic - and well, I’m unsure if I’m overthinking this since I didn’t get that much depth to the original story, but this is my work, after all. I wrote this more than 3 years ago, so I’m looking back at it with a more critical perspective. Thus, this aspect about Gaster’s parenting has been bothering me recently.

I’m aware that many children have gone through this; being forced to look after themselves, their siblings or even their own parents (the latter isn’t quite the case here but anyway), as the adults fail to do what they’re supposed to - of taking care of their family and providing them love, attention and everything else. The lack of any of these things has been normalized in many households, and most of the time kids don’t realize how harmful it might be to them, because their own feelings aren’t validated. Since they’re forced to take in the role of the responsible parent, the adult, they excuse and justify their parents’ misdeeds.

Surely, in the original Imaginary Friend, Gaster acknowledges he wasn’t the best dad, yet now that I come to read it again, it never feels like he’s truly called out for that. Alright, he’s already being punished by the loneliness and helplessness for decades inside the Void, and he does show genuine remorse for his actions. Regardless, I feel like I’ve made excuses for his failures at being a parent. I feel like I used the “but he didn’t mean to!” excuse that so many people adopt when we’re talking about abusive and neglectful parents. I used Frisk, a character who I headcanon to have been abused by their biological parents, to justify that Gaster wasn’t all that bad:

"Don't say that! I think they would be glad to see you again." Frisk assured him. "I mean, you deeply cared about them and did everything to offer them proper conditions and-"

YES, BUT... I HAVE NOT GIVEN THEM ENOUGH LOVE AND AFFECTION. He sighed sadly.

Frisk sighed too. They had a feeling that Sans and Papyrus didn't hate him. They just knew it, but Gaster didn't believe.

"But... they never gave up on you, right?" They asked.

(...)

"I would've really liked to have a father who would do everything to give me a good life."

Gaster, curious, looked at the child. WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

"Toriel is my mom now, and she's the best, but... I've never had a father that cared about me." Frisk admitted. "You know... before I fell into the Underground. My real parents weren't... great. They were very mean to me, specially my father."

(...)

I AM SORRY ABOUT YOUR PARENTS.

"It's okay. At least I found great friends and a fantastic mom." Frisk said, smiling, despite remembering their mean parents. "You are a way better father than my real one. You shouldn't say you're the worst."

Gaster didn't answer.

"You may have not spent much time with them, but I don't think Sans and Papyrus wouldn't be happy to see you." Frisk said.

BUT I MADE THEM FEEL LIKE THEY WERE ANNOYING ME... I SHOULD HAVE NEVER DONE THAT.

"I understand, but, just so you know... I think you already made it clear to them that you cared about them, which is why they were always there for you even if you distanced yourself."

(chapter 2)

Sans and Papyrus don’t hold grudges against their father, either, and yet, now that I realize it, the former presents the same “pushing away” behavior Gaster presumably adopted. In the very least, Sans is called out for it, but I never explicitly connected that to how his father treated them:

"SANS, DID YOU SLEEP WELL?" Papyrus asked.

"i'm okay, pap."

"BUT YOU LOOK AWFUL-"

"papyrus, i'm okay!" Sans interrupted, sounding annoyed.

Papyrus shrunk out of fear. He had never seen Sans in that state before. He knew something was up with him, but for some reason, he was afraid of asking Sans what was wrong. His brother sounded so grumpy, he felt like he would piss him off if he asked that at the time.

(chapter 6)

"DON'T YOU JUST LEAVE THE HOUSE LIKE THAT!" Papyrus said, somehow pissed, but concerned at the same time.

"l-leave me alone." Sans managed to escape, but Papyrus wouldn't let him go.

"I JUST WANT TO TALK TO YOU! PLEASE-"

Sans teleported himself, escaping Papyrus's grip. He groaned loudly.

"SANS, OH MY GOD! STOP RUNNING AWAY FROM ME!" Papyrus yelled.

Turned out that Sans didn't teleport far away. He arrived in the same street, a few meters ahead.

"WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME?!" Papyrus yelled.

"i don't want to talk, papyrus."

"BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN JUST... TREAT ME LIKE GARBAGE!"

(chapter 9)

That’s NOT to say Gaster is evil. You could say that Gaster believes he was terrible because of his trauma from the Void. The dark dimension causes him to hallucinate things, alter his physical form and twist reality, and so that may be why Sans and Papyrus don’t hold anything against him. But the point is, I don’t feel like I’ve made that clear. And with Sans technically mirroring his past role model, I feel like the narrative swept Gaster’s bad parenting under the carpet.

This topic is very difficult to discuss, I’m very aware of that. I get that some abusers can make it different, they can change. However, that’s not what usually happens. What does happen is society underestimating and devaluating the effects of abuse on people, especially children and teenagers. Nobody tends to focus on the victims, and thus finds ways to justify the abuse. Like that, I feel like I contributed to that, too. That’s why I’m writing this post.

PLEASE NOTE: I’m very proud of having written Imaginary Friend, and I want to continue with the comic. However, I want to truly emphasize that there will be changes in the comic adaptation, and with this theme in mind, I’ll make sure I don’t unintentionally excuse bad parenting again. At the time I wrote the fic, I had no idea it might come off that way (which doesn’t mean I’m condemning myself for not noticing). I think a lot of other people haven’t had the same impression, either; yet now that I do, I want to change what this fic might have defended.

I’m very sorry for everyone who went through this situation in their childhoods, or might still be. It’s not your fault. Your parent(s)/guardian(s) should have been better, and that’ll never be on you. Maybe they “didn’t mean to”, but that doesn’t mean it’s not harmful. I wish you all the happiness and safety in the world. <3

Stay determined!

[somuchbetterthanthat]

ugh, fine, i’m not going to be able to make a proper fic out of it, so have yet another bad short internet ficlet. This could also be titled: “Am i ever going to let that awkward conversation from season 3 go? No. But instead of doing meta this time i’m going for fanfiction follow-up” (or i was supposed to)

“Martin,” he begins, haltingly, and then stops, because that’s not - they said they would try to keep this light, and he’s tired and already being selfish enough, but Martin says “Yeah?” encouragingly and he finds himself licking his lips and asking: “Do you remember when - I mean, obviously you remember, I doubt this is the kind of experience one forgets but - do you remember that day, the day Jane Prentiss attacked and we thought... Just before Tim broke that wall?”

Martin blinks, startled; “I - yeah. Yeah, I remember. With vivid clarity, actually.” he gives a nervous giggle. “I thought we were done for.”

“Yes,” Jon says. “Yes, me too.” he falls quiet for a moment, hesitates, and then looks up from the tea cup Martin pushed in his hand earlier. “Before I - Before Tim I - I was going to. I was going to say I was sorry,” he tells at last, and Martin looks even more baffled; he opens his mouth, but Jon shakes his head and continues, clinging to the cup harder. “I was going to apologize for - well, frankly, for the horrendeous way I’d treated you before. I - I thought we were going to die, and I could only remember all the times I’d - I’d berrated you for, for latin, of all things. I mean, your rapports were always sloppy and emotional and you were bad at citing your sources, and -” (He checks on Martin; Martin’s eyebrows are raised very high now, and his hands are in his pockets, a sign he’s tense, though his lips are quivering like he doesn’t know whether to smile or grimace) “That’s - that’s not the point,” Jon quickly amends. “The point is, those were - were obviously silly, stupid reasons to take a dislike on you, and If I hadn’t been so dismissive - I was. I was just sorry. Sorry that you’d been stranded there and that you were going to die and -”

“Okay,” says Martin. Jon gapes at him, thrown off, but Martin is staring at him with a very odd look in his eyes now. “Okay, apologies accepted, I guess.”

“I - what?” 

“I accept your apology,” Martin tells him, sounding like he carries all the patience in the world. “And I’m sorry, too; for all the times I’ve called you an arse.”

“You’ve - never called me an arse,” Jon says, a bit lost.

“Well, not to your face I didn’t,” Martin explains, his cheeks flushing slightly. “I mean, you were still my boss.”

Jon stares at him for a moment, and then, he can’t help it; he snorts. 

“Okay, fair enough. I’ve been... Quite a terrible boss.” 

“I mean, at least you’re not Elias,” Martin points out, and Jon snorts again. “Right. One shiny point for me.” 

“And, well,” Martin adds. “You’re - you’re not so bad as a friend, really.” Jon gives him a dubious look. “You’re not!” Martin insists. “You - you obviously care for us. We can all see that. I... I mean, I can see that. At least.”

“Right,” Jon says, softer now. 

he suddenly thinks of Michael; Michael Shelley, who sounded as kind as Martin, who insisted on trusting Gertrude just as Martin - Of course, Martin and Jon were nothing like - it wasn’t the same thing. Martin... Martin knew. Most of it, at least. (he should... have known better) (than to be so good to Jon; to give him so many chances, to still invite him back to his place for a meal when Jon had been so absent for so long - albeit not exactly of his own free will, in between the charges for murder and then the kidnapping but -) Jon’s heart squeezes painfully in his chest. Martin deserves better, he thinks. Martin deserves so much more than everything they’re living. 

“You’re too kind to me,” he says out loud, staring at a point above Martin’s shoulder. Martin, predictably, immediately frowns. “You are. I don’t - I don’t deserve it. Any of it. Tim’s right, you know. I -”

“Oh i’m tired of this,” Martin snaps, and looks as surprised as Jon by this, but looks at him fiercely nevertheless. “ It’s not, it’s not about what you deserve,” he says, raising his chin. “I, I mean, I think you deserve it, obviously I do, but even if you didn’t - that’s, that’s just how I am! That’s just how I want to be! I want to be kind to you, Jon.”

“But why,” Jon asks, distressingly. “Why, when I’ve been nothing but -”

“Because you’ve followed your coworker to his flat when he promised you pasta, Jon! Because, because apparently, I’m the one person you came to when you didn’t want to be alone, despite the fact we’ve barely talked since - the whole... you know. Murder thing. Because you’ve been kidnapped for a month, and I didn’t know, and I’m so worried! About you! Because you’ve been trying so hard to be thoughtful all evening long, because you constantly look tired and sad and that makes me unhappy, because I like you and because, I don’t know! I like it when you’re trying to be kind to me, too. And, and, because, because maybe, I didn’t want to be alone either, and you were the only person I could have thought to invite for pasta who maybe was going to say yes! Because you don’t. You don’t chose the people you want to be kind to, but it, it makes sense, alright! We’re. We’re friends. I think. And that’s. That’s just what friends do.” 

Jon stares on, mouth dry; Martin is shaking a bit but he hunches over himself again, flushing bright red, and as silence lingers between them, he says “sorry” awkwardly. 

Jon blinks. Puts the cup of tea down on the small table in front of him. 

“No, I...” he tries out, throat tight. “No, I - I do... want to be kind to you too.” he manages to say, his face too warm.

“Oh,” Martin says in a small voice. “Oh. Uh. Good?”

“Good,” Jon repeats.

The silence, this time around, is still awkward but not - not painful. Jon tries a smile; Martin smiles back after a beat.

“I’m still sorry,” he says, dancing on his feet. “I didn’t uh - I didn’t mean to imply you didn’t... have any friends, or -” he flushes, scratching the back of his ear, and says in a brighter tone: “Obviously you do, with your, uh, your... girlfriend...”

“I think your point is still valid when the only other person I’ve got in my life right now is my ex-girlfriend from university, Martin,” Jon says dryly. 

“Right!” Martin says with a relieved sigh, and then, “I mean, no, no obviously I didn’t mean -”

Jon laughs; Martin grins hesitantly in answer, and his gaze softens into something absurdely tender that makes something warm and gentle curl into Jon’s stomach. 

[ladysmaragdina]

I know I'm late as hell, but Dishonored 2... Which path should you choose (high/ low chaos) in order to stay the most true to Emily's and Corvo's character? I've always loved reading your Dishonored fics and analyzes, you always make the characters make such good sense =>

So this ask has been sitting in my inbox for over two weeks now. Which I feel terribly guilty about, because I want to give this question the thought and weight and few-thousand words it probably deserves, but… ugh, okay.

Dishonored 1 is my single favorite game, ever.

I’m utterly indifferent to Dishonored 2.

I’m not interested in Dishonored 2.

I have a hard time even saying that I like Dishonored 2.

I’m not going to be able to answer this question, anon. And I feel like I should explain why. (A lot of this is going to be a reatread of what I talked about in my big Dishonored 2 critique I wrote back when the game came out. Whoops)

I played through the game once, the instant it came out – as Emily in a Clean Hands run – and I really, really enjoyed it at first. I loved getting to play as Emily. I loved that the gameplay was objectively better than the first one. I loved how bright and different and rich the world looked. I was so fucking into Dishonored 2! I probably spent an extra couple of hours exploring every nook and cranny of the Royal Conservatory after knocking out the witches, and finding Corvo’s old apartment in the Dust District was a fucking treat. I love the Dishonored world. I wanted to know everything. I was gonna write so much fucking meta and fanfic.

But by the time I got to A Crack In The Slab, I was starting to realize that the story felt… off.

By the time I finished that mission and it was suddenly time to go get rid of the Duke… I mean, I was still having fun! The game was fucking cool! But I raced through the streets leadup to the Duke’s palace without really exploring. I raced through the Duke’s palace like I was speedrunning it. There are entire floors of that level I never saw, and wasn’t remotely interested in seeing. I didn’t care.

I was bored by the time I got back to Dunwall. I was frustrated by how long it took me to work through the many levels of the palace. I just wanted to get to the finale and find out how the story ended. (and then I found the ending profoundly unsatisfying)

I realized none of this mattered.

If this was ultimately a story about stopping Delilah from mantling the Outsider —- as the metaplot seemed to insist – what the fuck were we doing in Karnaca? Why did we care about Karnaca? Karnaca’s problems weren’t my problems, Emily’s problems, at least not in any clear direct way; Karnaca’s problems weren’t even bad. The bloodflies were endemic to the region instead of being a super-scary weird semi-supernatural plague; it might have been a particularly bad year for bloodflies, but it didn’t feel like anything the city couldn’t deal with. The streets were lively. There were nobles sitting in cafes playing guitar music. Shops were open and well-lit. I felt like I could go to the beach and sip mai-tais. Even the most run-down, awful section of Karnaca that we got to see – the Dust District – wasn’t much worse than anything we’d seen on a Tuesday in Dunwall.

And Karnaca wasn’t home. It didn’t feel like it mattered to Emily. Not really. It was in Emily’s empire, sure, but it was an ocean away and it wasn’t under her direct personal governance. And the Emily we met at the start of the game wasn’t interested in governing to begin with. I could never buy the sense that she cared – really, emotionally cared – about the well-being of Karnaca, because Karnaca was relatively fine, and because Emily seemed like she would rather fuck off and abdicate given half the chance. Being exiled from Gristol didn’t feel like exile – it felt like a sunny vacation, a chance for Emily to have cool swashbuckling adventures without the boredom and paperwork of sitting a throne. 

I didn’t understand what I was really doing in Karnaca, and I didn’t understand why it was so urgent and important and needed that I get home to Dunwall. I was just told that I had to get home to Dunwall because Delilah was Bad. And that she was doing some Very Bad Things on the other side of the ocean, and that if she remained unchecked things would get Worse. YOU NEED TO STOP DELILAH, I was told.

But…. gosh, that was on the other side of the ocean. That didn’t seem to affect anything here. Again, Karnaca was fine! Karnaca’s had some issues, but they were were caused firstly by the Duke, not Delilah! What bad things was Delilah really doing? Can we see them? How are they worse than anything any other nobles and rulers are doing? How would installing Emily on the throne be meaningfully different?

What would Delilah’s plan to mantle the Outsider actually mean? The finale gives us a vision of The World As It Should Be, a supremely alien lotus-eater machine where Delilah is absolute monarch; it comes so late in the game, at the absolute eleventh hour, that it doesn’t feel meaningful. It also comes totally out of left field and is so bizarre and extreme that I had no fear that it could ever actually happen. Everything about Delilah’s ascension and ultimate goal is so bizarre and extreme that I had no fear it could ever actually happen. I didn’t understand how it was supposed to happen. The mechanics of magic had never mattered before; why did they matter now? Why did the half-baked explanation for Delilah’s endgame rely on lore from the previous game’s second DLC? (What the fuck, Arkane?)

What was my motivation? Why were my missions important – why did Emily want and need to do these things? What would happen, actually happen, if I failed? What was keeping me from just walking away?

I’m really not sure.

Maybe, just maybe, we could ignore the weird ascension to godhood plot. Maybe my real motivation had nothing to do with Delilah – maybe Emily just wanted to get back to the home that was taken from her. Maybe this was a “take back whats yours” story. But Emily didn’t seem to really want the throne back. The Emily we met at the beginning of the game was bored with governing and wanted out of Dunwall. If we’d had more time and attention paid to that shift in her character, I’d buy it, but you can’t do a complete and instant 180 on a character’s feelings and call it motivation.

Or maybe my real motivation was to get home to Dunwall to save Corvo. But the opening sequence made it seem like Corvo was dead. That’s not a valid motivation either.

Maybe my motivation was to avenge Corvo? I don’t buy that the way I bought Corvo avenging Jessamine in Dishonored 1; in Dishonored 2, Corvo is not the focus and meaning of Emily’s life, and I can’t see her structuring her entire life around fighting back from exile just to avenge him. Emily has hopes and dreams and a distant love interest and isn’t the same hollowed-out husk of vengeance that Corvo is. Sure, he’s her father figure, but I don’t buy that as her sole motivation.

This lack of motivation trickles down to the individual missions of the game.

If I don’t really know or care about what Delilah is doing, why is it so important to stop Breanna Ashworth?

Kirin Jindosh is supposedly making an army of Clockwork Soldiers, but what does that mean? How soon would they be ready, what are the logistics, how powerful are they, how are they worse than Tallboys or other existing technology, what was he going to use them for? Why is it so important to take him out? Couldn’t we just bribe him or write him a strongly-worded letter? I’m going to be the Empress – couldn’t I make his soldiers illegal or shut down his factories? Why do I have to go to such an immediate and awful extreme?

Sure, the Duke is a dick and should probably be replaced by a better ruler. Doing so doesn’t feel important. I’ve never met the Duke. He never did anything to me. Karnaca’s in decent shape, all things considered. Killing or replacing him  feels like taking out the trash.

Where are the stakes?

Why do I care about any of this?

Tangent – I feel like I’ve got to talk about Corvo a bit here. Would Corvo have a different, stronger, more personal attachment to Karnaca? Sure, but I’ve never played Corvo’s route in Dishonored 2 and can’t speak to it. Personally, I always got the sense that Corvo felt like an outsider in Gristol and that he would have tried to distance himself from Serkonos in response to this, and that returning must have felt oddly alien, like an ill-fitting suit. Now, this is a cool thing to explore. It might make him more invested and interested in some aspects of the game – I’m thinking of the Duke and Stilton in the Dust District, specifically – but I don’t think it fixes the core issues about lack of motivation in the overarching plot.

So, let’s talk about that overarching plot. Would Corvo feel more strongly about getting back to Gristol and restoring Emily to the throne and/or bringing vengeance to her “killer”? Probably! Corvo’s arc in Dishonored 2 isn’t about toppling Delilah and seeking vengeance for his own sake, but rather for Emily’s sake (or at least the memory of Emily-who-we-think-is-dead). That’s less selfish and entitled, more emotional and tortured. That’s honestly more interesting to me. But that’s the exact same story we got in Dishonored 1. Corvo’s entire existence in Dishonored 2 feels like a rehash of Dishonored 1. The vengeance arc in Dishonored 2 feels much more muddled and unfocused and distant in comparison. It’s not as good.

I think Corvo’s story and motivation are more clear and pressing and straightforward than Emily’s; but I think Dishonored 1 did that exact same story and motivation much much better. Corvo’s story in Dishonored 2 honestly makes more sense to me than Emily’s story. Which feels utterly backwards! One protagonist has a storyline and motivation that has no real weight or drive or urgency behind it. The other protagonist has a slightly stronger storyline that is still a weaker, fuzzier retread of the first game.

I think Dishonored 2 is badly written.

I like it on the micro level – I like the characters and the levels – but on the macro, i think it’s a confused jumble that doesn’t know what it wants to be. Is it a vengeance story? Is it a story about stopping a supernatural threat? I don’t know, and I don’t think it does either. The game doesn’t manage to mesh those ideas at all, and neither idea holds water on its own. I am utterly confused and turned off by the game’s decision to make the vengeance so un-urgent and impersonal and the villain’s magic-driven plan so distant and obtuse and ill-defined. I think that in deciding to make the scope bigger, it bit off way more than it could chew and lost sight of what matters in storytelling.

Dishonored 1 was a tightly-focused straightforward revenge plot where I understood exactly what I had lost, how much it mattered, and what was at stake. Dishonored 2 is a fucking mess.

I can’t write about which choices Corvo and Emily would have taken because their choices don’t make sense to me; because their existence and participation in this story makes no sense to me; because the story hops from point to point without establishing thematic or plot coherence; because I don’t understand – emotionally, really buy and feel and understand – why I’m meant to give a shit about any of it.

I played the game once, started a High Chaos replay, wandered away from the game after the second mission, and uninstalled. I have no interest in replaying it. I have no interest in ever picking up Death of the Outsider. The fact that the writing seems to be moving away from the vengeance quest and doubling down on its focus on the supernatural (and the fact that they’re dragging back characters – Corvo in Dishonored 2, Daud in DotO – whose arcs had finished) has honestly killed my interest in the franchise at this point. I don’t feel anything about this other than a profound sense of disappointment. 

I wanted to like Dishonored 2. The game is gorgeous and fun and an improvement on the original in many ways. I wanted to answer your question, anon. I truly wish I could, and I’m sorry for how salty this post has become. I’m sure someone else would have fantastic headcanons and insight.

But I just. don’t. care.

[robertdowneyjjr]

What if the guardian of the Soul Stone isn't actually a real person but a manifestation created by the stone replicating the soul of the best messenger for the particular seeker? So not *really* the actual Red Skull (though he thinks it is) but a copy chosen for Thanos because he would best reflect Thanos & his reasons for wanting the stone etc. So maybe when Tony goes for the stone he doesn't meet the Red Skull, but Yinsen (or knowing Marvel, Howard).

holy shit, anon. this theory is wild af and i love it. i was going to expand on it, maybe write some meta, talk about how shitty howard is, but instead i wrote a fic.

title is (spoiler alert) tony yeets howard off a cliff

In the blink of an eye, the Space Stone transports them to the remote lands of Vormir.

Tony looks around, lets his eyes adjust to the darkness surrounding them.

“Well this place is certainly…big,” he says.

“Please don’t tell me we’re supposed to search every inch of the place,” Steve replies.

Tony looks at the gauntlet he’s wearing and shakes his head. “No. We don’t need to do that,” he responds. He looks up, stares across the distance at the two pillars looming overhead. “It’s there.”

“How do you know?”

“The stones…it’s like they’re drawn in that direction. They’re telling me they need to be there.”

Steve nods and turns to the stony path on his right. “Alright. Let’s go then.”

“Steve, wait.” Tony engages his thrusters and lifts a few inches off the ground. “Need a lift?”

***

As Tony touches down and waits for Steve to step off the suit, he notices a shadowy figure awaiting by one of the pillars.

“Welcome, Steve. Anthony.”

He knows that voice.

Steve steps forward. “How are you here?”

Howard Stark removes his hood and answers.

“I woke up here, after I died. I wasn’t given the privilege of reincarnation. I wasn’t welcomed at the pearly gates of heaven, or sent to hell for eternal damnation. Though I guess, this is its own kind of torture, isn’t it? This is my punishment, for trying to harness the energy of an infinity stone to shape the future as I saw fit.” Howard looks at Tony for the first time in 28 years. “Not unlike what you’re trying to do now, wouldn’t you say, son?”

“This is nowhere near the same,” Tony says.

“Isn’t it?” Howard turns to Steve. “If you were the one wearing that gauntlet, Steve, I would have believed this to be my last day guarding the stone.” He chuckles and shakes his head. “But no, you and your team decided to trust Tony with it. A big mistake, really. He’s always been too soft, too weak to do what needs to be done.”

Tony grits his teeth. “Just tell us what to do, old man,” he hisses.

“A sacrifice.” Howard looks at Tony and steps closer. “The soul demands an exchange. Someone you hold dear. Someone you love. A soul for a soul.”

Tony flinches back. “No. I’d kill myself before that happens.”

“But you don’t love yourself enough for that to work, do you?” Howard tsks. “So what will it be, son? Do you have what it takes? Are you strong enough?” He spares a glance at Steve before settling his eyes back on Tony. “I know that you love him, crave his attention and validation. Just like you craved mine. I dare you to tell me that I’m wrong.”

Steve cuts in. “Tony…”

He turns around and looks at Steve, sees the overwhelming sadness displayed across his features, and Tony knows, without a doubt, that Steve isn’t planning on leaving this barren planet.

“We don’t have any other choice. The rest of the universe is at stake.”

Tony scoffs. The rest of the universe. The universe is a joke, hellbent on making Tony as miserable as possible. Just when he got his team back, just when he got Steve back, he’s expected to give the man up again.

“There’s always another choice,” he insists.

Steve takes his hand. “Tony,” he whispers. “There’s no cutting the wire this time.”

Tony looks back at Howard, who’s standing with his arms crossed and eyebrow raised, expression the same as Tony remembers from his childhood, dripping with doubt and disdain and disappointment.

“Either do it or don’t. Stop wasting more of my time, boy,” Howard spits out.

Rage burns throughout Tony’s body as he hears his father’s words. The man has been dead for almost three decades, but he still has the ability to hit Tony where it hurts. Twenty-eight years, where Tony has gone through hell and back again, turned his life around and positively influenced other people, built a family and saved the world. But it’s still not enough to make Howard proud.

And suddenly, Tony knows what he has to do.

He lets go of Steve’s hand and walks towards his father.

“You’re right, dad,” Tony says. “I don’t have what it takes to give Steve up. Call me selfish, but I just won’t do it.”

Tony watches as Howard smiles smugly at him, looking as if he knew Tony would let him down, just like he always did.

“You’re also right,” he continues, “because I did always crave your attention. All I wanted was a father who was there for me. A father who was proud of me. Even now, after you’ve been gone for so long, I still assess everything I do by asking myself what I think you’d say if you were still alive. I’m almost 50 years old, and I’m still looking for validation from my dead, absentee father.”

Tony lets out a deep breath and smiles. He feels lighter now, like a huge weight has finally been lifted off his aching shoulders.

“I’m done with that now. There’s nothing I can do that would make you proud of me. Even after everything I’ve been through in the last decade, I can still see that you consider me a failure. It’s fine. You may not know my worth, but I do.”

Tony can see the smirk slowly slipping off Howard’s face as it dawns on the man that he’s underestimated his son yet again.

“I loved you, dad. I still do, even though the feeling was never mutual. I know you did the best you could.” He pauses and spares a kind smile for Howard. “I’m really glad I got to see you one last time. Goodbye, dad.”

He lifts his arm up, splays his fingers out, and repulsor blasts his father off the cliff.

***

In the blink of an eye, they’re back where they started when they first landed on this planet.

Tony’s fist is clenched–he doesn’t know when that happened–and when he opens it up, the Soul Stone shines bright and orange in his palm.

He turns to Steve and sees the man already smiling back at him.

“Let’s go save the universe.”

now on ao3

[thestarbirdfromtheashes]

Jyn and Cassian Survived Conspiracy Theory Meta

Updated November 23, 2017

I have put together a number – and I do mean a number – of thoughts regarding the possibility that Jyn and Cassian survived Scarif. As this is a meta, it is just (mostly) all my thoughts and desperate hopes and me probably reading way too much into things. After all, “Rebellions are built on hope,” so I am going to continue to hope we see Jyn and Cassian again in another movie.

Cut for length. Very, very long length. (Seriously, it is exhaustive. I even lay out counterarguments.)

@starwars​​, I have no problem tagging you here, even though I doubt you’ll ever read this. Just want you to know there are still a lot of die-hard Rogue One fans out there, and we still think about these things. I’m a 20-year veteran of the franchise myself, and I’ll be a fan of it -- and Rogue One in particular -- for life. I put this together because you can still bring back Jyn and Cassian if you want to. I’m a writer myself, and I know nothing is impossible in your own universe. You brought back Darth Maul. You can bring back Jyn and Cassian. Save the dream, Star Wars.

Now that my transparent plea is that’s out of the way, let’s get going.

Original discussion post here.

Note: I used the e-book for citations. They don’t always line up because I was a little hasty with them, but they’re only off by a page. I didn’t figure you guys would be too concerned with that, though.

The Theory I’m Using: Jyn and Cassian survived because of Jyn’s kyber crystal necklace. The argument is stronger for Jyn’s survival than for Cassian’s, but I still have some arguments for his survival that I will also lay out.

The Kyber Crystal’s Dubious Purpose in the Overall Plot

a.     At the very beginning of Rogue One, we see Lyra give Jyn her kyber crystal necklace and tell her daughter, “Trust the Force.”

        i.     This is never brought up again.

b.     Chirrut can sense the crystal and says, “The strongest stars have hearts of kyber.”

        i.     This is never brought up again.

       ii. I've always interpreted this as just a comment about Jyn’s character: Jyn is the star, and the kyber crystal is next to her heart, or that kyber crystals are resilient and strong and so is Jyn.

c.     Jyn was able to smuggle the crystal into her cell on Wobani, when she wasn’t able to smuggle in anything else.

        i.     Why would the stormtroopers have let her keep it? They’re ruthless and awful. There is literally no reason to explain this.

d.     Jyn holds the crystal at least twice, but no one sees it except the audience.

The Question

Why bother with the kyber crystal at all, if it doesn’t serve a purpose? Jyn is not religious, as far as we know. Jyn doesn’t express a deep connection with her mother and mourn her, thus feeling the need to touch the crystal to connect back with Lyra and comfort Jyn. In fact, Jyn is upset with her mother for sacrificing herself and going back for her husband, and thus, leaving Jyn at a young age. As a storyteller, you cannot bring an item up, make A Big Deal over it, and then not explain it or refer to it. The kyber crystal serves absolutely no discernable purpose in the movie.

The Conspiracy Theory

Articles here and here will get you up to speed on what I am going to write about. I believe, along with many others, that the kyber crystal necklace is what could be used to bring Jyn back. I believe it could also be used to bring Cassian back, should Lucasfilm/Disney decide to be generous. And here’s why: the necklace does nothing in the movie. There is no point. Ergo, we can only believe that it served some other purpose, which is what the Uproxx article says: “…the film has an emergency ‘Jyn lives!’ switch built right into the narrative.”

MY ARGUMENTS (AND COUNTERARGUMENTS)

The Success of the Movie I will admit to knowing little about the effect Rogue One had on the regular Star Wars fandom, other than that it was a huge success, it made a lot of money, and a lot of people say it’s their favorite/"the best" of all the movies. (It was also referred to as such in an early review online, I believe.) There is speculation within the fandom that LFL/Disney misjudged how popular the movie would be, and didn’t or couldn’t predict that. On this, though, I call BS. Really, LFL and Disney in particular, a company that rakes in millions upon millions each year, didn’t forecast if Rogue One became successful, didn’t plan for it, didn’t run ANY numbers or scenarios for what might happen if it did? Disney loves money, so why not capitalize on it if it DID surprise them and hit big? So maybe, is it possible that they thought it could be really popular, and that is why they built in the kyber crystal necklace? Hedging their bets in case people loved the movie? As we know, the earliest draft of the script had Jyn and Cassian surviving, but it was never filmed because LFL/Disney green-lighted Gareth Edwards’s desire to kill everyone off. We also know “Gareth always wanted to bring Jyn home” (I can’t find this article again). Movies have test audiences, so is it possible that the test audience reacted in a way that changed some of the movie to what it is today? Is it possible that the test audiences really liked Jyn and Cassian together, which was something LFL/Disney were unsure of and thought could go either way with resurrecting him or not? This is a weak point in my argument, but I bring it up because of a fact about Return of the Jedi. There is a line from Han Solo that does not make sense. He says about the Falcon, “Yeah, I just got a funny feeling. Like I’m never gonna see her again.” This is because Lando Calrissian was originally supposed to die, and the Falcon was supposed to be destroyed, in Jedi, but test audiences reacted so badly, George Lucas changed it and had him live. Yet the line stayed, and it doesn’t make sense now. Remember, too, that Poe Dameron of the sequel trilogy was supposed to die, but test audiences liked him so much that he stayed – despite no explanation of how he got off Jakku. (Thanks, @rebelle-capitan​!)

Regarding the movie’s popularity again: Given that I am deep into the RebelCaptain fandom, I don’t really have any barometer for how popular the ship is outside it. Do people like Cassian and Jyn together? Do they view them as “together”? I don’t really know. Do enough people like them to warrant LFL/Disney resurrecting Cassian, too? Again, don’t know. I know we don’t have a ton of fic out there, so maybe not. Then again, I don’t have any idea of how much is “a ton” of fic for a particular ship, and what determines a ship’s popularity in regards to amount of fic (if this sort of abstract data were even able to be gathered, and were actually valid). This leads me to my next point:

Jyn Erso & Cassian Andor as a Couple (“RebelCaptain”) Yes, LFL/Disney have never explicitly stated that Jyn and Cassian are a ship. They have also not stated that they aren’t. They have absolutely no reason to state either way, and determining romantic involvement is sort of up to one’s own discretion, to a point. Also, making part of the movie officially romantic would probably detract from the overall seriousness, tone, and message of it. Do Jyn and Cassian ever kiss? Do they ever express feelings for one another? No and no (although we can theorize that a kiss was cut from the elevator/turbolift scene). They don’t do any of these things. It could also be argued that they’re not the type of people to express feelings verbally, and as we know from the book, “There wasn’t the time.” Yet these two speak volumes with their faces and actions, and after their argument in the shuttle when fleeing Eadu, when Cassian gathers the army for Jyn and confesses to her, the movie is shot romantically. I’ve seen good, solid metas on Cassian’s actions pointing to him falling in love with Jyn, and there is the joke in the fandom of the army being akin to “his engagement present” (see this amazing meta by @ladytharen). People who are against the ship can say what they like, but the fact remains that the scene in the turbolift is shot incredibly intimately, and the looks on their faces (especially Cassian’s) are breathtaking. Jyn’s arm is over Cassian’s shoulder. I’m no movie expert, but this is one of the most romantic scenes I have ever watched, and certainly the most romantic in all of Star Wars. Why shoot it that way if Jyn and Cassian are not meant to have feelings for one another? Also, that scene appears to be a reshoot -- so it’s important and is there for a reason. A reason that was thought of later, after the original cut of the film. Maybe the romance-that-is-not-officially-a-romance was simply to make the story more interesting; maybe not. Maybe it means something more; maybe not. But if they weren’t meant to be romantic, wouldn’t they have been smiling at one another over their triumph in the elevator, rather than looking regretful in Jyn’s case, adoring in Cassian’s? Another thing: Jyn and Cassian were originally supposed to die apart. Cassian was supposed to die with Kaytoo, and Jyn was supposed to die elsewhere. But they didn’t. They died in each other’s arms, Cassian’s hand sliding up to Jyn’s shoulder, fingers digging in as his eyes close.

Another important point: going from the novelization, when Cassian falls from the data tower, Jyn’s instinct is to jump after him. If they are only “platonic war buddies,” as Rogue One: The Ultimate Visual Guide author Pablo Hidalgo claimed before taking it back to say that “what happened in the elevator is their business,” then I would think Jyn’s instinct would be to mourn the loss of her comrade and keep going for the sake of the mission. But that is not her first thought. In fact, as she watches Cassian firing at Krennic and his Death Troopers,

“Jyn started to call to him, but he cried out louder, ‘Keep going! Keep going!’ She reached a trembling hand toward her pistol. She could die. So could they. She knew she had to climb. The decision was taken from her. [Cassian is struck and falls] She nearly loosed her clutching fingers, nearly followed him into the abyss, but a swell of vertigo shocked her out of her horror and impelled her to cling more tightly to the stacks. Cassian was dead, like so many others.” (257)

WHY? Why write it that way, in the official novelization, which is sanctioned by LFL/Disney and heavily skewed toward Jyn and Cassian having feelings for one another, if they are not to be a romantic couple? Jyn has seen “platonic war buddies” die plenty of times. I’ll bet she has not once wanted to kill herself over them. Hasn’t felt “horror” since she was a kid. I’ve read Rebel Rising, and I believe she steeled herself against all that pretty young. But Cassian though…his “death” gets to her. First she forsakes the mission to reach for her pistol to provide additional fire to protect him, and then she AGAIN considers forsaking the mission when he appears to die. When she sees him alive again at the top of the tower, “He looked like a man who had fallen twelve stories and clawed his way back to the top. He looked as beautiful as anyone Jyn had ever known” (275).

Increased marketing visibility for Cassian See this post. Rogue One has always been Jyn Erso’s story, a story of a strong female protagonist leading a band of unlikely heroes. However, I have noticed that as time has gone on, Cassian has had an increasingly prominent role in the marketing. The official synopsis, dating back to the April 4 DVD/Blu-Ray release, is thus: “From Lucasfilm comes an epic adventure – Rogue One: A Star Wars Story. In a period of great conflict, a group of unlikely heroes led by Jyn Erso, a daring fugitive, and Cassian Andor, a rebel spy, band together on a desperate mission to steal the plans to the Death Star, the Empire’s ultimate weapon of destruction. 2016 Lucasfilm Ltd.” Cassian didn’t used to be right up there next to Jyn. Now he is. They are both well liked. Maybe it’s just me, but if I read that synopsis without knowing anything more, I sure as heck would expect some sort of romantic subplot.

Felicity Jones It is well-documented on the internet that Felicity Jones has a sequel option clause in her contract. That’s old news. She’s the only cast member who does. I don’t know anything about Hollywood contracts and if a sequel option clause means a bit role or a starring role, but I’m betting not all clauses are created equal. There are theories that she could be in the new Han Solo movie or in a possible upcoming Luke Skywalker movie. Or, I say, a Rogue One prequel or sequel with just her after the kyber crystal saves her life. Or…maybe something even better…. (Or, “it could just be a way to obscure her character’s fate because she does have a two-movie contract, or to use archival footage of her later.” Thanks again, @rebelle-capitan!)

Diego Luna As I said, I don’t know anything about Hollywood contracts, if they’re set in stone or can have addenda, but I do know Felicity is the only cast member to have the sequel clause option in her contract (as stated above). Diego, however, has supposedly been sighted on the Han Solo set, and indeed “fueled speculation” about his involvement. The first link is from May; the second is from January. None of this is new. My point is, I find it interesting that we heard there was a potential for him to be involved in the Han Solo film in January of this year, after Rogue One had only been out a month – but he didn’t have a sequel clause in his contract…? Or was that information just not made available? I don’t know how The Hollywood Reporter works, and if they could have missed something like a sequel clause in Diego’s contract, but they’re the ones who reported on Felicity’s contract. (Or perhaps Disney leaked the information about Felicity’s contract and kept tight-lipped on Diego’s. Who knows?) That first article, from May, also mentions (BS) criticism of Diego’s performance by The Washington Post and Entertainment Weekly, clearly comparing Cassian to Han Solo. I don’t know if there’s enough (unfounded) criticism of Diego’s performance for LFL/Disney to not want him back for a Rogue One sequel, or if they just blew it off because other than some nods to the Original Trilogy in superficial aspects alone, Cassian was never supposed to be like Han. I really sort of doubt LFL/Disney would not want Diego Luna back. I mean...really. Also, if Diego is indeed going to be a part of another Star Wars movie that takes place before Rogue One, it means that the character of Cassian was well enough received to warrant additional movie reprisals.

Oh, and Diego also commented on the afterlife in this article from September 2, and mentions the Force.

Also: don’t forget that Diego had a blast with Rogue One, and is a HUGE Star Wars fanboy.

“Welcome Home” and Cassian’s Two Deaths These always make me ache when I watch the film, but I also find them curious. After Cassian gathers an army for Jyn, “‘I’m not used to people sticking around,’ she said, by way of an explanation [for her staring at him]. She didn’t know if Cassian really understood, but he said, ‘Welcome home,’ and she knew she was” (191). In the movie, we get the “orbiting” of Jyn and Cassian around one another (which I believe is also referenced in the book, about Cassian being pulled into Jyn’s orbit), and we also get Cassian’s eyes slipping to Jyn’s lips for half a second (blink and you’ll miss it). Why have him say this, welcome her to a home when she hasn’t had one in years, just to have them both die at the end? It could be argued that just Jyn will live, and come back to the Alliance -- which is home, as Cassian said. That line could be a hint for that. Or, it could be nothing but a RebelCaptain moment (and therefore downright cruel to us shippers given their canon demise).

Cassian falls from the data tower and appears dead, both to Jyn and the audience. Then he “claws his way back up to the top” and saves Jyn’s life. He comes back for her a third time. Then he dies for real. Why, though, did Cassian fall from the data tower and appear dead -- only to die for real minutes later? Was that just cruel storytelling? No. Cassian fell because he had to. As heroine, Jyn had to face off against Krennic, the villain. They needed to have a confrontation. Cassian’s presence would have made no sense. He would have had nothing to do, and therefore, he had to fall and appear dead. The bonus of this is, of course, that he has a dramatic re-entrance, and we get the pure joy of seeing Jyn’s face light up when she sees him again. We also experience that joy ourselves because we like Cassian, and we like Jyn and Cassian together, and we want them to live and be together. It doesn’t happen, which makes the fact that Cassian appeared dead only to reappear alive, all the more tragic. His fall serves two purposes, and that’s pretty good storytelling. (Although I still think having Cassian say “Welcome home” only for them to die is still just plain mean.)

Cassian’s Injuries I have always thought that it was not physically possible for Cassian to climb up the tower after Jyn with the injuries he appears to have. He hit two beams going down and crashed onto metal grating. In the book, it simply states that he falls into an “abyss.” It doesn’t go into detail about him hitting beams on the way down. It talks about how much pain he’s in, but it doesn’t say he knew he was dying or anything like that. Also, it says, “The last time Cassian had hurt so bad” (280, emphasis mine), indicating that Cassian has been hurt this badly before, not that this current injury is the worst. He survived the previous one, so why not this one? I say that unless his wounds were much more serious than the movie or book would have us believe (which I don’t at this point, given that the book says his breathing is “regular” on page 282, then he and Jyn are breathing in time with one another on page 283), he would not have been able to climb the tower after Jyn. Or, again, cruel storytelling by deciding that he could appear dead and his injuries were grievous but he could climb up the tower anyway for his dramatic re-entrance and even more dramatic, emotional death.

Cassian’s and Jyn’s Deaths (and Why We Didn’t Get a Kiss) When the other members of the Rogue One team die, the wording in the book is very clear, even to the point of using the actual word, “died.” However, Cassian’s death is written thus: “When Cassian Andor died, he would be ready, and he would be content.” Now, before that, though, it says, “He stowed thoughts of old missions and thoughts of the future away [‘a woman he might have known and understood’ (280)]; decided to focus on what he could see and hear and smell for the last moments of his life on Scarif.” One could argue that that says enough, that he is going to die then. But people also think they’re going to die and then don’t, so… Cassian’s death is not written from his perspective like all the others’. Yes, Rogue One is Jyn’s story, so their demise is written from her perspective…buuuut we still don’t technically read Cassian’s actual death.

When it’s Jyn’s turn, the world is first emerald, “then a clean, purifying white,” and the narrative goes into all the things Jyn has been as a person. “Soon all those things, too, burned away, and Jyn Erso – finally at peace – became one with the Force” (284). We can look at “burned away” as being literal, as in they burned up in the explosion or superheated water; we could also look at it as imagery if the kyber crystal theory is to be believed. And here’s the crux of the theory: Jyn “becomes one with the Force.” She does not explicitly die. While this is difficult to rationalize given that “becoming one with the Force” is reserved for Jedi and means turning into a Force ghost, what reason would there be for this? It was written that way for a purpose. When Chirrut dies, his last line is, “I am one with the Force and the Force is with me” (261). As we know, Chirrut is not a Jedi, but he is Force sensitive. So, maybe this is a clue in the novelization. (I’m also going to point out here that Qui-Gon Jinn was a Jedi who still had a body even after he died and became one with the Force, and I believe that was supposed to be explained, but I don’t know where and what the explanation was. I’m not familiar with that era.) Wookieepedia also uses the same wording for Jyn: “becoming one with the Force.” On Cassian’s page, it says, “the Death Star destroyed the base, killing them and the other rebels in the area.” Pretty compelling, obviously, and so is the fact that their date of death is listed on each of their pages. Still…that “becoming one with the Force” wording is very intentional, and thus very interesting.

The Kiss: This is just a wildcard, but the turbolift scene was so intimate and so romantic that we all wondered why there was no kiss – especially when you see Jyn’s arm on Cassian’s shoulder. Is it possible there wasn’t a kiss because there is going to be one in the future? This is so weak, but we can all dream. From @rebelle-capitan​ again: “There’s also some really awkward editing where Cassian is leaning in, there’s a blip, and then he’s leaning back a little and his head is tilted differently. I think this indicates that a kiss was cut.”

How Jyn and Cassian Could Have Survived Check out these articles here and here (referenced above as well). I like the idea that the kyber crystal pressed between Jyn and Cassian could also save Cassian. It could explain why they hugged. But, they could have also hugged just to hug, because they were going to die, and it would have been awkward to just sit there together. Still…she could have leaned her head on his shoulder, or he could have had his arm around her waist, or…anything else. But that hug is very close, very tight, and we see Cassian’s fingers run up Jyn’s back and then grip her hard, digging into her back as he closes his eyes. We also see his eyes open as they die, and I always wondered about this. @sambargestuff​ says, “Cassian’s eyes widen in surprise (rather than fear) as the light hits them, as if something was happening that he didn’t expect or understand.” She goes on to explain more: “So, when the Death Star fired on Jedha, the city was the blast site and it was like ground zero of a nuclear bomb; immediate destruction/vaporization of everything in that place. The deaths at Saw’s hideout were the result of the shock wave; the crust of the planet lifting off and burying/crushing as it rolled back on people. There was no expansion of light or the beam vaporizing as it spread out over the planet surface. That clearly doesn’t happen on Jedha.

On Scarif, the blast from the Death Star clearly takes off the top of the data tower on its way to the planet surface and ground zero is actually in the ocean. Jyn and Cassian are on the beach, watching the shock wave come towards them from the ocean. So, they should have been engulfed in planetary crust and water (although you could argue the water vaporized, I suppose) and yet they were engulfed by a white light. Cassian’s eyes widen in surprise (rather than fear) as the light hits them, as if something was happening that he didn’t expect or understand.

So, what if that white light was the Force, engulfing our heroes (something mystical about Jyn’s kyber crystal) and keeping them safe, moving them through space and time, making them Force ghosts, whatever? The book doesn’t say Cassian dies, only that he was ready to die. Jyn doesn’t ‘die’ either, she becomes one with the Force and her faith carries Cassian.

Continuity errors or conspiracy to launch Jyn and Cassian on us again in the future? Think about it.”

Another idea, from @grexigone​: “So…bearing the Reddit post in mind, should the kyber really protected them, then it’s possible that the so called kyber-protection-bubble was strong enough to stand the heat wave (and the high tide afterwards) which could means that not only the explosion was not *that* strong to kill them, but they might actually survive the said explosion and return not as Force ghost but as an actual living human being.”

The Death Star’s Poor Aim Continuing on this point, that’s another thing I always wondered about: why did the Death Star fire directly on Jedha City and yet miss the Citadel Tower? Didn’t Tarkin say to target it? HOW could it possibly MISS? It fires way out into the ocean, kilometers away from Jyn and Cassian. An easy explanation is that it gives us the heartwrenching ending of Jyn and Cassian clutching each other together as they await death, and honestly, that’s probably it. But what if it was intentional? What if it was so they would have more time together so the magic of the kyber crystal could work so they could come back?

“Her Faith Carried Him with Her” “She believed someone was out there. Maybe it was even true. He did want it to be true. With all his heart, he did. Her faith carried him with her.” (282)

It’s interesting that these lines are all set as their own paragraph, meaning each one has more impact than if they’d been written as one paragraph. We can view “faith” as tying up to “believe” two paragraphs above, but “faith” is a pretty strong word to use, and with this theory, I’m reading faith as Star Wars faith, i.e., the Force, rather than her faith in the plans being received by the Alliance. So...the Force. Jedi. Lightsabers. Kyber crystals. If “Her faith,” meaning the Force and her kyber crystal necklace, “carried him with her,” is it not possible that if Jyn survives via the kyber crystal, Cassian is also “carried” along because he was in her embrace? I have always found this line odd, because to me, it is awkwardly worded, especially given that the narrative is Cassian’s.

Don’t forget, too, that Lyra said, “Trust the Force” when she gave Jyn the necklace, and Chirrut said, “The strongest stars have hearts of kyber.” This is weaker, but just a thought: both times Jyn touches the crystal in the movie are in a quiet moment, but they’re also right before she looks up at Cassian. Maybe it’s a hint, and a piece of her “carrying him with her.”

Jyn’s Potential Force Abilities From @rebelle-capitan: “Okay, so the books indicate that Lyra had an unusually strong connection to nature, which was what made her a) be a geologist and b) made her seek out other Force worshippers. I see this as being Force sensitive, though not strong enough to be a Jedi. Like Chirrut is sensitive, he can feel the Force and use it to ‘see’ (he can feel kyber crystals, which are basically living things), he’s just not strong enough to manipulate it and be a Jedi. Okay, so Lyra is maybe Force sensitive. Several times in the book, Jyn is mentioned as having a peculiar reaction to Chirrut when he’s ‘using’ the Force. She can feel her necklace react to him and when he starts praying, I think on the way to Eadu, she starts getting a massive pressure build up in her head. Now, I don’t know about new canon, but in Legends stuff, the emergence of latent Force sensitivity tends to occur during times of stress and includes pressure in the head, particularly when others are using the Force. Kyber crystals were things that only the Force sensitive could feel, and a Jedi typically communed for hours, even days, before their crystal chose them. Also, Jyn shows multiple instances of latent Force ability, such as shooting a stormtrooper she isn’t looking at, possibly being able to pick up Cassian’s emotions (several times, it’s as if she’s reading his mind, and in the novel she knows he’s following her to Scarif partially for absolution despite the fact that they never discuss it), and she’s able to convince a lot of people to blindly follow her seemingly through sheer force of will. She ‘prays’ at the shield gate, as if actively using the Force to sway things their way. So I’m leaning toward Jyn being Force sensitive. She wasn’t in any sort of a position as a child to be recruited by the Jedi, and around the time she would have been, the Jedi were slaughtered. So she’s been untrained all this time. IMO, her abilities start coming out when she encounters Chirrut. Whether she could use them to survive Scarif, let alone save Cassian as well, I don’t know. But if Maul can survive being chopped in half and falling down a big reactor shaft or whatever, and if the Force can create Anakin out of nothing, why not save two people on a beach from the fallout of the Death Star’s reduced-power blast?”

Lyra was originally a Jedi in an early draft, if you didn’t know. (Thank you to @simishipsrebelcaptain for that info!)

The Original Script and a Comment by Director Gareth Edwards The original script has Jyn and Cassian surviving Scarif, but the writers claimed they couldn’t figure out how to make it work, and director Gareth Edwards wanted to kill the whole crew off anyway. LFL/Disney green-lighted it, so they did. BUT, “Gareth always wanted to bring Jyn home.” I can’t remember where I read that, but I did read it in an article online at some point earlier this year.

Why is There No Book about Cassian? / Why Kill Off the Only Spies We Have in New Canon? I find it very interesting that Cassian is a very complex character deeply embedded in the Rebellion, with “the good guys,” yet he has no backstory besides the comic about how he met K-2SO. Someone on Tumblr mentioned that Cassian is the one character who could easily fit into the tapestry of the Star Wars Universe, as he is embedded in the Rebellion and a spy. (If this was you, please tag yourself and include that post if you can/want to!) Why kill him off when we could have seen more of the Rebellion from an everyman’s point of view? All we have right now are heroes’ POVs and the dead cast of Rogue One. I’m very familiar with the old Expanded Universe, and I don’t recall any spies, or any information about spies. My knowledge is a bit rusty, but nothing sticks out. Spies are something Star Wars hasn’t really delved into. It would be amazing to see more stories about them, and killing off the lead characters in the one spy story Star Wars has effectively kills off any potential for future spy stories – especially since Rogue One was immensely popular. I just don’t think another spy movie (or even book) would be well received, because it’s not Jyn and Cassian, and it’s not the Rogue One crew. (Jyn was also very well received.) There’s also a lot of toys and marketing and, well, MONEY to be made, and Disney, a well-known lover of money, just…ended…it…? What if there is no book on Cassian because he is going to come back later, and everything just hasn’t been decided yet? What if Cassian has another role to play?

The Bothans Died, but the Rebel Spies Didn’t In Return of the Jedi, Mon Mothma says, “Many Bothans died to bring us this information” in regards to the second Death Star. The opening crawl of A New Hope makes no mention of rebel spies dying. Just that rebel spies got the plans. Just sayin’.

The Argument that “They Don’t Appear in A New Hope” This comment is from the Rogue One production team, and it was given as justification for why they killed the entire cast off. It is extremely weak, given that a number of new characters (e.g., General Draven) and ships (e.g., the U-wing) were invented for Rogue One and don’t appear in A New Hope, and old characters like Mon Mothma are even at Yavin Base and still don’t appear in A New Hope. Just putting this in here briefly in case anyone wondered. (I have more on this, but this isn’t the place for it.)

Returning to the Drawing Board This is weak, but here it is anyway: I think it’s maybe possible that once Episode IX is out, LFL/Disney will want to return to the drawing board for things that did well. After all, they love returning to the OT. Disney also always returns to its own hits time after time and keeps marketing that stuff over and over. Maybe Disney left Rogue One with a loophole so that they could return to it if they needed it.

If Darth Maul Can Survive Being Cut in Half… …Jyn and Cassian can survive with a crystal imbued with the Force between them. Granted, Darth Maul’s survival is old canon, but…

Delicity Keeping Cassian/Diego around would also be easy for LFL/Disney, because he’s already a known quantity for Jyn/Felicity. They worked extremely well together and had amazing chemistry, and one could theorize that in the reshoots, Jyn and Cassian were brought closer together. Cassian’s role was also expanded in the reshoots. His character was changed, and new scenes were added (e.g., The Ring of Kafrene). Is it possible that Diego and Felicity had such amazing chemistry together that the production team decided to make something of it? After all, the turbolift scene appears to be a reshoot, and their deaths were reshot, and what purpose did the turbolift scene serve other than to be romantic? Besides the cynical response, which is, “To pack a bigger emotional punch when they died.”

Another point of note is that even though Rogue One is about Jyn, the publicity tour did include Diego. Maybe that’s just how these things go, or I don’t know, some other reason, but...this picture, really? That’s a pretty incredible picture for two actors who are not playing romantic leads. Also, the fact that the fandom did come up with a cute amalgamation of their names, when they are not and have never been a romantic couple like Hollywood couples who get these cute names, speaks volumes to me as tribute to how well they work together and what good friends they became during the shoot.

And that’s it! You’ve reached the end! I know, I can’t believe it, either.

Special thanks go out to @sambargestuff, @rebelle-capitan, @grexigone, @simishipsrebelcaptain, and @jenniferjuni-per for contributing ideas and helping me out with this! Extra thanks to @rebelle-capitan for beta’ing.

“Captivated by dream logic, knowing it was untrue, she thought: If I make it to the light, I can escape forever.” (256)

[shinigamikarinkurosaki-archive]

Rant or meta? Nobody knows.

I’m having a d/epressive episode & I’ve been trying to hunt down Momo fanfiction just to keep my mind off things but it’s proving hard. The B/LEACH f.and/om really seems to hate women & especially Momo because I’ve only found a handful of fics in comparison to what’s been archived that aren’t disgusting.

It’s not JUST the obvious flaming where Momo has a “stupid zanpakutou” & “””whines””” a lot & wants Toushirou’s dic.k SO BADLY she’ll sabotage his entire life for it (I’m looking at you, H/itsuK/arin shippers). Hell, I’m not even talking about the nonspecific dislike that some of my roleplay partners have voiced in the past . Yes, that’s terrible, but what’s more widespread is this objectification of Momo. Among Momo’s own fandom, she’s not an individual, she’s a doll.

Firstly, why is Momo often portrayed as so submissive? I can get it if she’s shipped with Aizen because EVERY survivor acts differently around their abuser thanks to their conditioning, or even when she’s scared out of her mind, but everyone else? It makes me roll my eyes. Momo called out Byakuya early in the manga for his poor treatment of Renji & again in TYBW after Byakuya basically pureed Gerard’s head. Momo tried to kill Gin after she discovered Aizen’s “corpse.” Momo attacked Toushirou & Izuru. SHE’S A LIEUTENANT. She’s fiery & strong & independent. Just because she’s experienced abuse doesn’t change that she gets upset & even angry. Of course, this is all tossed wayside, mostly for ships.

Momo is treated like a child. I’ve seen this trope several times on both AO3 & FFN & leaves me incredibly perplexed. Momo is depicted as the same age as Izuru & Renji in their academy years. I have yet to see a portrayal where Izuru & Renji are outright “boyish” or childish. Momo, however, is outright called a girl, a child, et cetera. Yes, there are VERY young-looking shinigami. But I don’t know of many (successful) military bodies (which the Gotei is) that don’t employ an aptitude test & training for their personnel. Momo is just as capable & mature as they are. Why is she infantilized when these two are generally regarded as adults even though she’s the same age as they are? Because, according to f.and/om, women can’t be independent or mature.

I see total ignorance of Aizen’s abuse of her, like it never even happened. If it was only occasionally, it would be fine. Sometimes writers just gotta write fluff & I get that. But it’s WIDESPREAD. It’s difficult to find a fic employing Momo’s trauma, despite Aizen-- at the very least-- emotionally abusing Momo. It’s not easy to write these portrayals either because of the emotional toll or just not knowing how these people behave, I know, but it’s plain mischaracterization to be so willfully ignorant because you don’t want to Google how long-term abuse victims & survivors of assaults like Momo has experienced to just get an idea how she may behave. People don’t just “bounce back” from experiences like that. Momo needs time to grieve.

Unfortunately, when Momo’s grief & trauma is utilized, it’s for romantic plot. Look, I ship Momo with a number of characters, even some crackships. Of course her trauma affects her relationships with them. But in a lot of cases, it’s not part of her, it’s the driving force of her romantic partnerships. Like the man can’t find anything lovable about Momo aside from how it would feed his ego to help her get over Aizen. Like Momo is a scared, wide-eyed little foal who needs to be sheltered. Momo’s trauma moulds a lot of her personality & perspective but there is no relationship that has substance if it’s based on “fixing” a victim, & they don’t usually end up working in a healthy manner if at all. I’m not saying this trope is bad. I’m saying it’s explored inaccurately. These are incredibly unhealthy, codependent relationships. It’s okay to write them, especially if it’s part of a character’s characterization. It’s not okay to sugarcoat it for your “feelsies.”

What’s really bad about this trope is that writers act like it works. Momo is inevitably fixed & happy with whoever she’s paired with. No fighting. No rough spots. Somehow, the boy knows how to quell Momo & Momo is inevitably quelled. Any abuse victim knows that’s not how it works. It’s terrifying entering relationships. It can’t be fixed. Yes, partners should be supportive of each other, & that makes it SO MUCH EASIER to start healing, but this is just plainly incorrect. It’s juvenile at best. If you’re going to utilize these plots, grow a set and badship it or just don’t write it.

Honestly, one of the most despicable mischaracterization is Hi/ts/uHi/na. First of all-- I’m pretty sure I have the f.and/om blocked but if you’re reading this & ship Momo with Toushirou, hit the back button. I don’t want anything to do with you, I don’t want to argue with you. You’re wasting your time if you want to #d..isc//ours/e.

But really. It’s disgusting shipping Momo with Toushirou. Who would REALLY date the boy who you’ve lived with your mutual grandmother? No one, I hope, because that’s ince/s/t regardless of the status of your blood relationship & if you think that’s okay I suggest you see a professional because there is something wrong with you.

It’s not just the thinly veiled in/cest that’s bad, Momo is treated pretty horribly by her own fans. Pretty much everything I mentioned is utilized. Her relationship with Toushirou is HEAVILY gendered. Toushirou is inevitably aged up, he the dominant & breadwinner, he is taking care of Momo, Momo is still submissive & shaky doe-eyed little girl who cannot cope without Toushirou & is wholly devoted to Toushirou. No fighting. No fear. No development. No dimensions. Momo was just betrayed by her captain, who she turned against Toushirou for, & she doesn’t experience fears, paranoia, or bitterness. She just… rolls over for Toushirou. I hate cringe culture but it’s physically painful for me to read some of the summaries for these fics. It’s like the entire f.and/om just pirouette out of a 1950s dishwasher commercial.

There is a constant theme throughout this, however, & it’s for heterosexual pairings. Momo is a plaything for men, even for pairings like Kira/Hina which ought to be the most understanding, mutually respectful ship for Momo thanks to their similar experiences. But no. Even then, Izuru’s depression & abuse is thrown by the wayside because Momo’s “broken” & needs to be fixed. Whoever Momo’s partner is would WANT to fix Momo, they would hate seeing her so despondent & scared, but it doesn’t work like that. Yet writers continue to make it work like that. Momo continues to be an innocent, naive trophy for this man. It’s always about men. I am not saying it CAN’T be this way. There are women who revolve around men. It’s very possible Momo could project her loyalty towards Aizen onto another man. But these aren’t cast as unhealthy or codependent, they’re cast as, you guessed it, romantic.

The entire issue just leaves this sour taste in my mouth. I’m not saying it’s wholly f.and/om’s fault. Misogyny wasn’t created on the internet, it’s a product of outside influences. But it’s shameful seeing people who are supposed to be Momo’s fans treat her like this one-dimensional thing with a hole men can stick stuff into. I can sort of understand since it took me YEARS to figure all this out, but I can’t be the only one who has noticed this. It’s incredibly disheartening as a victim of abuse myself to see this. It pisses me off now, but I used to feel so broken. In high school, I honestly thought I met my IRL Izuru Kira, whom in my personal depiction of Momo is one of her most treasured people. He ended up slu/t-shaming me & I was heartbroken because I honestly thought if I had a different lover I could work the effects of my se/xual abuse. Fic writers are not responsible for this, but they obviously aren’t helping. I have found ONE fanfic that acknowledges Aizen as an abuser. It’s explicit & triggering but when I read it I felt so validated like I wasn’t a bad person, like I wasn’t crazy. I’m not saying ALL fanfiction has to be like that, but if I relate to Momo other victims do too, & it’s not for shits & giggles. It’s because Momo was abused. & just as a women it honestly feels like my abuse with ALWAYS be romanticized. I’m not a plaything, neither is Momo, but honestly I only feel worse looking at what f.and/om does to Momo.

[scribbles-by-kate]

Thoughts on 6.18 “Where Bluebirds Fly”

It’s been a while since the show did anything substantial with Zelena, so I suppose they had to do something with her to bring her back into the fold and mend things with her sister. I pretty much guessed what would happen this episode. The press release hinted heavily at Zelena ending up without her magic by the end of the episode, and the sacrifice gives her some brownie points in terms of development, though I’m not sure where she goes from here in terms of contributing to story.

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Young Zelena was very sweet - she really was. Obviously people’s fear of her magic eventually made her believe magic was the only thing that was important - magic would never hurt her like people did. I can understand that.

Using your magic for good - means you’re not a monster. I like Stanum :) He and Zelena were obviously good friends. I think that maxim holds true for all the magic users - magic for good is fine, but magic for bad makes you a bad guy.

I guessed the Black Fairy was playing Zelena - I knew she wanted something from her. I had thought maybe she was going to kill her for Rumple, or offer to do so, but I knew Zelena was playing into her hands by going to the mines, and, of course, Zelena’s too stubborn to see it.

Why is Emma surprised at being happy? - I mean, if you’re really happy, you don’t question it. Emma seems to be questioning her happiness a lot, or is it really what’s making her happy? I don’t know: that was weird. It was kind of an uncomfortable scene.

Snow and wedding planning - of course she’s got a binder of ideas. I can’t believe she’s been planning since after the first curse! That’s nuts! Laughing at the fact that she’s paid back for the ‘tacos’ incident!

Regina and Zelena fighting - I know this episode was really meant to bring Zelena and Regina into conflict, since they hadn’t even really talked in so long. The fighting felt realistic. I always think Regina is the older sister, since she’s so much more rational and Zelena acts out her emotions so often. She goes off half-cocked and Regina has to pick up after her. It felt like real sisters fighting.

Rumple and Belle - I loved the hug and how happy Belle was to know Gideon isn’t at fault. I haven’t seen her smile like that in ages :) ‘This means he can be saved’ yay! I also loved how supportive she was of Rumple, saying he did what he did to protect Gideon and how he couldn’t have known his mother was pulling the strings. I love how they’ve been trading hope all this half season and she’s giving him a boost this time. It’s lovely that she’s supporting his decisions and just trusting him to take care of the Blue situation. Sometimes the best thing you can do is just stand with someone in their actions, and Belle is being amazing at that now. You can really see them building back trust. Poor Rumple is so frustrated, thinking he’s helped his mother by taking Blue’s magic and wanting so much to be able to wake her. He’s so worried and tense, poor baby.

Belle and Green Bean - this was so sweet. Emilie and Rebecca must have had a lot of fun filming Zelena asking Belle to look after her daughter when Emilie is the one with the daughter in real life. The baby was so cute as well the way she stared at Emilie and smiled when Emilie was playing with her. I’m sure that giraffe belonged to the baby, but I’m just imagining Belle having toys in the shop for her and Rumple’s baby. She was so sweet and loving with the baby, and didn’t show any sign of jealousy or hurt that she’d never gotten to raise her baby. She looked a bit regretful handing the baby back to Zelena, but I love how strong she is for not being angry or blaming anyone because she didn’t get to raise her baby. And I appreciate that Belle and Zelena recognise common ground in each other. I don’t see them as friends, but they recognise that they’re both mothers who love their children, and I think it’s nice that Zelena trusts Belle to look after her child now, after the debacle in the Underworld. I also appreciate that Belle’s relationships with people can be different from Rumple’s and that he wouldn’t try to impose his attitudes to people on Belle, and she wouldn’t do likewise. They can be their own people and have their own opinions about people, though I can’t see Zelena ever being invited over to the house after Rumple and Belle are back together.

Henry trying to cheat by using his powers - oh, Henry, you know you’re not supposed to do that! Or does it only count as cheating when you write in the book? I can’t remember the rules… But obviously the Final Battle is the way it has to be for some reason. Emma was never going to be able to get out of it

How does Regina not recognise her own niece? - I thought that was weird!

Your wickedness - I laughed at that, and at all the green food on the table!

Stanum is the tin man - I kinda thought he would be.

Zelena is afraid - I think she’s lonely, but she fears trying to make friends because she fears people will hate her or be afraid of her magic. And she doesn’t help herself either because of how she uses her magic.

Snowing fighting - I kinda thought that was weird. It was very bad taste bringing Whale up, and calling Granny’s a scrap heap? That wasn’t very nice. So, David was trying to sabotage the planning because he’s afraid of what’s coming? He’s afraid of the Final Battle and the Black Fairy, and he wants his daughter to be safe and have a wedding day without fear. I can understand that. He doesn’t want the best day of her life to turn into the worst. I get it. I still think he was a bit mean about throwing Whale in Snow’s face and what he said about Granny’s.

Why can’t they have the wedding on the ship? - That would be them, not a big fancy royal wedding. Emma’s a princess, but she never acted like one. She didn’t like princess Emma in the wish realm. It’s weird that they’re suggesting a royal wedding. And can she not keep her hands off Hook for like five seconds? She just looks clingy and nuts. And the way she looks at Henry when he speaks is a bit like ‘ew, you’re here?’ It’s like she’s forgotten or doesn’t care about her son. I don’t like this Emma.

Why does Zelena have to be better than everyone else? - I suppose it’s because she thinks magic is all she has, and it comforts her to know she’s ‘better’ at it than her sister. It doesn’t half get her into trouble though.

The chase through the mines - I thought this was a bit stupid. All of these women have magic! Why are they chasing each other?!

Fairy crystals - ok, how did Leroy and the other dwarfs never find these? There are LOADS of them! I suppose the Black Fairy wanted to use those to cast the Dark Curse, yes? The Final Battle is obviously part of this curse… I wonder what extra kick Zelena’s unstable magic would give these crystals. The crystals must take the place of the heart of the thing you love most. Unless the Black Fairy plans on using a heart, but I don’t think she is. I think she wants to do it differently. I presume Rumple is the thing she loves most and she wants him as part of her family, so using his heart would defeat the purpose of the curse.

Zelena’s sacrifice - so, she refused to give up her magic for Stanum, but now she realises she’ll always be alone if she doesn’t try to make friends and put down roots, so she’s willing to fix her mistake in letting herself be tricked by the Black Fairy by giving up her magic and untethering it from the crystals. I think that was brave. It’ll be interesting to see how she adjusts to life without magic, though I’m not sure what more the show can do with her, really. If they keep her, I think they’ll have to give her magic back at some point.

She’s one of us - right, Emma, you protect the child of the woman who tried to steal your brother and kill your own child, and killed Neal, but the son of the man who just saved your life is on his own. Good to know. Yeah, she’ll stick her neck out for everyone who’s last name isn’t Gold.

Regina proud of Zelena - I like that they apologised to each other and that Regina’s proud of her sister. I think acceptance and validation is all Zelena really wanted, and it wasn’t really fair to blame Zelena for Robin’s death, because that’s still on Emma for making the deal with Hades that allowed him to come to Storybrooke in the first place. Hell, it’s on Emma for bringing them all to the Underworld in the first place!

Rumple and Belle - I can’t believe they kept the whereabouts of the Blue Fairy hidden from everyone! But I love that Belle took the blame and then Rumple came in and said it was on both of them. They really are backing each other up and supporting each other, and it’s wonderful. I like how Rumple wants to be the one to return Blue’s magic, but I also like that he listens to Belle. I love how determined Belle is not to lose any more time with Gideon after realising how much time they’ve lost and aren’t going to get back. She’s so supportive and understanding, and she doesn’t tell Rumple what to do, she just makes a suggestion and explains why it might be a good idea to let them try. I love that, even though Rumple doesn’t trust the others and wanted to do this himself, he lets them try.

The Black Fairy’s darkest secret - is obviously something that Rumple won’t like, otherwise she’d tell him. It can’t be that she gave him up to give him his best chance: it has to be that she did something terrible to him, something he won’t be able to forgive. Have to say I loved Gideon goading her a bit :) And the way she’s sort of testy and defeated is how I wrote her in one of my recent fics, so I was pleased to align with canon characterisation :) Part of me is wondering if Rumple is maybe a bit afraid of Blue waking up because he thinks she may know something about why his mother gave him up, and he’s scared of finding out the truth.