How to screw up a whistleblower law
I'm touring my new, nationally bestselling novel The Bezzle! Catch me THIS WEDNESDAY (Apr 17) in CHICAGO, then Torino (Apr 21) Marin County (Apr 27), Winnipeg (May 2), Calgary (May 3), Vancouver (May 4), and beyond!
Corporate crime is notoriously underpoliced and underprosecuted. Mostly, that's because we just choose not to do anything about it. American corporations commit crimes at 20X the rate of real humans, and their crimes are far worse than any crime committed by a human, but they are almost never prosecuted:
https://pluralistic.net/2021/10/12/no-criminals-no-crimes/#get-out-of-jail-free-card
We can't even bear to utter the words "corporate crime": instead, we deploy a whole raft of euphemisms like "risk and compliance," and that ole fave, the trusty "white-collar crime":
https://pluralistic.net/2021/12/07/solar-panel-for-a-sex-machine/#a-single-proposition
The Biden DOJ promised it would be different, and they weren't kidding. The DOJ's antitrust division is kicking ass, doing more than the division has done in generations, really swinging for the fences:
https://pluralistic.net/2024/03/22/reality-distortion-field/#three-trillion-here-three-trillion-there-pretty-soon-youre-talking-real-money
Main Justice – the rest of the DOJ – promised that it would do the same. Deputy AG Lisa Monaco promised an end to those bullshit "deferred prosecution agreements" that let corporate America literally get away with murder. She promised to prosecute companies and individual executives. She promised a lot:
https://pluralistic.net/2024/03/22/reality-distortion-field/#three-trillion-here-three-trillion-there-pretty-soon-youre-talking-real-money
Was she serious? Well, it's not looking good. Monaco's number two gnuy, Benjamin Mizer, has a storied career – working for giant corporations, getting them off the hook when they commit eye-watering crimes:
https://prospect.org/justice/2024-04-09-reform-groups-lack-of-corporate-prosecutions-doj/
Biden's DOJ is arguably more tolerant of corporate crime than even Trump's Main Justice. In 2021, the DOJ brought just 90 cases – the worst year in a quarter-century. 2022's number was 99, and 2023 saw 119. Trump's DOJ did better than any of those numbers in two out of four years. And back in 2000, Justice was bringing more than 300 corporate criminal prosecutions.
Deputy AG Monaco just announced a new whistleblower bounty program: cash money for ratting out your crooked asshole co-worker or boss. Whistleblower bounties are among the most effective and cheapest way to bring criminal prosecutions against corporations. If you're a terrified underling who can't afford to lose your job after narcing out your boss, the bounty can outweigh the risk of industry-wide blacklisting. And if you're a crooked co-conspirator thinking about turning rat on your fellow criminal, the bounty can tempt you into solving the Prisoner's Dilemma in a way that sees the crime prosecuted.
So a new whistleblower bounty program is good. We like 'em. What's not to like?
Sorry, folks, I've got some bad news:
https://www.corporatecrimereporter.com/news/200/stephen-kohn-on-the-justice-department-plan-to-offer-whistleblower-awards/
As the whistleblower lawyer Stephen Kohn points out to Russell Mokhiber of Corporate Crime Reporter, Monaco's whistleblower bounty program has a glaring defect: it excludes "individuals who were involved with the crime." That means that the long-suffering secretary who printed the boss's crime memo and put it in the mail is shit out of luck – as is the CFO who's finally had enough of the CEO's dirty poker.
This is not how other whistleblower reward programs work: the SEC and CFTC whistleblower programs do not exclude people involved with the crime, and for good reason. They want to catch kingpins, not footsoldiers – and the best way to do that is to reward the whistleblower who turns on the boss.
This isn't a new idea! It's in the venerable False Claims Act, an act that signed into law by President Abraham Lincoln. As Kohn says, making "accomplices" eligible to participate in whistleblower rewards is how you get people like his client, who relayed a bribe on behalf of his boss, to come forward. As Lincoln said in 1863, the purpose of a whistleblower law is to entice conspirators to turn on one another. Like Honest Abe said, "it takes a rogue to catch a rogue."
And – as Kohn says – we've designed these programs so that masterminds can't throw their minor lickspittles under the buss and collect a reward: "I know of no case where the person who planned or initiated the fraud under any of the reward laws ever got a dime."
Kohn points out that under Monaco, the DOJ just ignores the rule that afford anonymity to whistleblowers. That's a big omission – the SEC got 18,000 confidential claims in 2023. Those are claims that the DOJ can't afford to miss, given their abysmal, sub-Trump track record on corporate crime prosecutions.
If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:
https://pluralistic.net/2024/04/15/whistleblown/#lisa-monaco
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Moose - Just Us Chapter 77
Warnings: None
Word Count: 4790
Series List | Chapter 76 | Chapter 78
================================
We were now waiting at baggage collection, Wanda pulled into my side as my right arm rests over her shoulder. The boy's eyes follow every bag that goes past, double checking to see if they are ours or not as they bounce on their feet excitedly. Luckily, they seem a lot more awake than they were this morning which makes sense since they slept on the plane.
I rest my head on top of Wanda's feeling her relax against me more, closing my eyes for a moment as I breathe in her scent. When they open up I smile against her hair when I see the boys both grabbing each of our bags off the conveyor belt, turning around with proud smiles on their faces when they show us.
"Okay so we have the bags. What now?" Tommy asks as he passes me my suitcase.
"Now we head out, we can grab a drink and some food from one of the shops here. Then you have to look out for a white hat volunteer."
"A white hat volunteer?" Billy passes Wanda's bag to her.
"Yeah, so they wear white hats and red vests. They are people who welcome you to Calgary and have bits of information and everything. I just need to know where to find our rental car."
"Okay so we have the bags, we need to find where we are going and get coffee. Also go to the toilet now because we have a nearly 3 hour drive ahead of us." Wanda lists off as we all start walking out of baggage claim.
Wanda holds her hand in mine swaying them between us as we follow the boys closely behind, as they follow the signs above to the exit. As the boys lead us towards the exit me and Wanda look out for a coffee shop in desperate need of a caffeine boost. When we finally find one we decide to sit down and to drink it so the boys can disappear to the toilet without getting lost.
"So what's the plan once we leave the airport?" Wanda blows on the top of her coffee before taking a sip.
"Well I thought since we have had a long day of travelling we can just have a relaxed night by the fire watching movies or playing a board game. Then tomorrow we can come back and explore Calgary and some surrounding areas maybe. Or make that a day or two thing. Then it's going to be snowing so we will be sort of stuck in the cabin for a while as the roads can be quite dangerous but it doesn't mean we can't go outside. There are a few look out sights around the area we can look at the mountains from. But we can ask one of the white hats for a guide."
"Okay. So we are definitely exploring, I mean you can't not explore. Where we go is up to you, since you've been here a few times so you know the good spots. The boys have only dealt with New York snow so it should be an adventure for them." She takes another sip of coffee as I watch the boys join the queue to get themselves a drink. "What about wild animals? How likely are we to run into them?"
"We will see them on the drive up to the cabin, but I own the land and paid to have it fenced. It's not fenced off that much that it causes issues with the wildlife, but it is enough so we can explore the surrounding forest a little. Although we should still be careful because the fence doesn't always stop the animals. But we have security cameras that are motion sensors and infrared so we can check for anything before we go out."
"Okay." Wanda takes in the information as the boys join us at the table.
"You mentioned there was a lake?" Tommy takes a sip of his hot chocolate.
"Yeah, it might freeze over during the week but if you want to we can do some fishing while it isn't. We can cook fresh fish too if that's something you want to do?"
"I've never been fishing before, so yes please!" Tommy shuffles excitedly in his seat as I smile warmly at him.
"What about you Billy?" He simply shakes his head.
"I never liked the idea of fishing, sitting there for ages with nothing on the end of the line. I brought the camera so I can take pictures and that. It's for a school project."
"That sounds cool, it's like the most picturesque place I've ever seen."
"Yeah I've always enjoyed photography, capturing something in the moment that will last forever."
"Maybe I will join you on one of your photography missions. I think it's about time I draw the mountains again."
"Awesome. I'm already so excited and I don't even know where we are going." Me and Wanda let out a small laugh at that before we both finish our drinks.
I stand up from my chair once the boys have finished their drinks, moving over to Wanda and holding my hand out for her to take as she stands up. The boys walk ahead of us on a mission to find us a white hat volunteer, while me and Wanda smile at the sight of the boys pointing out things around the airport as we wander around.
"Look there's a lady in a white hat and red vest." Tommy points out to me and Wanda as Billy starts to make his way over to the smiling lady.
Me and Wanda start to make our way over as Tommy runs over to join Billy who is already chatting to the lady. When Tommy points to me and Wanda the lady smiles wider, gently placing her hand on the boys back as they all walk towards us.
"Hiya folks, welcome to Calgary my name is Janet. Where have you guys flown in from?" I tilt my head slightly as I try to recall where I have seen this woman before.
"New York! We had to get up, like, super early!" Tommy complains, I let out a small laugh while I put my arm over Wanda's shoulder.
"Oh New Yorkers! Is it your first time visiting Calgary?" She aims the questions at the boys as they bounce on their feet in excitement.
"It's ours and mom's first time in Canada. Y/n's been here a few times."
"Well that is so much to do! Here are these." She hands both the boys a guide then one between me and Wanda. "So where are you guys going?"
"We don't know." Billy shrugs as he playfully glares at me. "Y/n won't tell us."
"Fine, we are going to my cabin at Cathedral Mountain."
"Where's that?" Tommy tilts his head in question.
"Wow you own one of the cabins up there?" Janet looks at me as a look of realisation crosses her face. "Y/n, I thought the name sounded familiar. You own the Stark cabin don't you?"
"I do, yes. How did you know?"
"My husband and I own a cabin across the lake. My daughter and granddaughter are staying there for a few weeks."
"Wait Mrs Bishop?" She nods her head at me and I immediately engulf her in a hug. "Wow it's been a while since I've seen you last. How is Eleanor? And Kate! How old is she now?"
"It has been a while dear. Eleanor is doing well and Kate is 19 now." She moves out of the hug and looks to the other three who look very confused.
"Oh sorry guys. Janet, this is my girlfriend Wanda and her two boys Billy and Tommy. Guys this is my cabin neighbour Janet, I've known her since we first brought the cabin, but have only run into each other once or twice over the years. It must be three years now, wow you look good Mrs Bishop. No wonder I didn't recognise you straight away."
"It's nice to meet you." Wanda holds out her hand, but Janet pulls her into a hug which Wanda instantly relaxes into.
"Sorry I'm a hugger dear." Janet mentions as she releases Wanda. "So how long have you been together?"
"Well we met on the 10th of last month so just over a month and a half. But it will officially be one month, tomorrow since she asked me to be her girlfriend." Wanda beams up at me as I speak.
"Well it's lovely to meet you all." Janet leans up to whisper in my ear. "I'm sure Eleanor won't mind keeping an eye on the boys if you want to celebrate your one month."
I blush a little at the insinuation as Janet smirks at me, while Wanda looks at me confused. I shrug and Wanda doesn't ask any questions as Janet nudges my shoulder.
"Anyway Janet. We came looking for a white hat since I don't know where the rental place is."
"How do you not know? You have been here plenty of times."
"We used to hire a driver for the airport transport, but since this is more of a family vacation it's easier for me to drive."
"Okay well if you go towards the main exit, it's like a tiny little booth on the right with one or two workers. You can't really miss it as it has a big sign above saying Calgary car hire."
"Thank you Janet."
"Of course dear. Anything else I can help you with?" I look around to the other three who are simply watching the interaction shaking their heads at her question. "Very well, but you guys best come to my cabin for dinner at some point before you leave."
"Of course. Is there anything we should bring?" Wanda asks as we all start moving towards the exit, Janet walking with us.
"Just yourselves and some warm clothes dear."
"Okay, how about Thursday?" Wanda continues her conversation as I spot the car hire place.
"Thursday is perfect. I will see you then, dear." She hugs Wanda then me.
"See you then Janet." The boys give her a small wave as she walks back to her post.
My hand moves down to hold onto Wanda's as I start to walk us to the car hire place, the boys on either side of us as we all drag our suitcases behind us. I smile at the man behind the counter who is too busy typing into his computer to even look up at us, holding a single finger in the air silently telling us to wait. I raise my eyebrows at the action and turn to look at Wanda who has the same expression on her face. We wait a few minutes before Wanda huffs.
"Excuse me, I'm sure you're busy but we've just got off our plane and would much rather be driving to our destination than waiting here for you to do your job." I twist my lips as Wanda leans against the counter, the man's eyes widening slightly at the angered tone of Wanda's voice. I may or may not be swooning over the fact her accent was audible too.
"Right, sorry. Hi, how can I help?" He straightens out some papers on the desk as he looks between me and Wanda.
"I pre-booked a car under the name Y/n Barton." He nods as he types away on his computer.
"I have you down for the white jeep wrangler Rubicon from today until the 30th."
"Yeah that's the one."
"Perfect so I just need the card you paid with and your driving licence." I pass them off to him and he looks at the passport then the card, then back to me. "The name on the licence and the card are different, can I also have a look at your passport."
"Jeez, you have stronger security than most airports." He lets out a small laugh as I hand it over.
"Unfortunately, it's a policy. We know that people change their names, but we need extra proof if it occurs so we can confirm that the names and address matches. Or something like that. If I don't do it, I get fired and I can't be having that."
He looks between the three items.
"So because the surname on the license and passport are Stark I am going to have to change that in our database even if you don't go by that name anymore."
"No problem. I get it, you're just doing your job." The boys both scrunch their brows at me then up to Wanda who shows herself zipping her lips so the boys press their lips together and go back to looking around the airport.
"Okay so that's all sorted, here are the keys and paperwork with emergency numbers and terms and conditions. The manual for the car will be in the glove box. If you come out of here turn right and follow the signs for the car hire parking lot you should easily find your vehicle.I hope you enjoy your stay in Calgary."
"Thank you." I take the keys and the four of us start in the direction the young man had told us.
Once we spot the car the boys sprint off both calling shotgun on the front seat, trying to push in front of one another, with me and Wanda laughing at their antics as we slowly follow behind them. Once a small amount of arguing starts Wanda simply tilts her head raising her eyebrows and the boys stop immediately, bowing their heads.
"Right bags in the back, then boys in the back." Wanda takes the keys from my hand to unlock the car.
"But I called shotgun mom!" Tommy whines as he trudges to the back of the car.
"Actually I called shotgun, so you will have to sit in the back with Tommy mom." Billy tries to act smug, but zips his lips when Wanda quirks her brow again.
"What do you think Y/n? Who should be sat upfront with you?" Tommy pleads with his eyes but I simply wrap my arm around Wanda.
"As the driver of the car I decree that your mother gets the passenger seat every time we share a car, but any other time shotgun rules."
"I guess that's fine." Tommy grumbles as Wanda kisses the underside of my jaw, before leaving my grasp to open the back door of the car.
Once we are all settled in the car, and having let it warm up with it idle in the parking lot, I set the destination in the navigation system. I rest my arm on the back of Wanda's chair as I look behind me and out of the rearview window to see what I'm doing when reversing. I turn around catching Wanda staring at me with flushed cheeks before I put the vehicle in drive and get us going.
"So we are going to be driving through Calgary, then will be driving along the prairie land. So everything is super flat until we reach the mountains, but it creates such a beautiful view. We will also be driving through a place called Banff, which is a nice little mountain town. We will explore these places probably tomorrow and Tuesday since it is not snowing. We can do some sightseeing and shopping, go to some cute cafés, that sort of thing. Then when it snows we can stay up in the cabin for a lot of it. Thursday we have dinner with the Bishop's. Apart from that we have nothing apart from relaxing to do. Everyone happy?"
"Happy!" They all say in unison. Creepy.
I look over to Wanda who, at some point through my ramble, interlocked our hands resting it on the arm rest between our chairs. Her head is resting on her other hand which is being propped up by her elbow on the door, a fuzzy smile on her face as her eyes look into my soul once more. I divert my attention back to the road before looking in the rearview mirror to check on the boys who are on their phones. I feel Wanda squeeze my hand to get my attention, and I squeeze it back to let her know she has it while my eyes flick back to the road.
"I love you."
"Love you too Princess." I laugh when I hear the boys fake gag in the back and Wanda sends them a glare.
~~~~
We've been on the road for about an hour, the boys and Wanda having been looking out the windows at the passing scenery since we got out of Calgary, their eyes lighting up at the sight of a few deers in the fields. Wanda perks up leaning forward to the stereo controls when a new song starts playing. The boys lean forward slightly and I smile and the happy smiles they both have.
"This is one of our favourite songs." Wanda blushes as she says it, and I only smile wider, turning it up more.
(Shotgun - George Ezra)
Homegrown alligator, see you later
Gotta hit the road, gotta hit the road
Something changed in the atmosphere
Architecture unfamiliar
I could get used to this
I smile when the boys start singing, swaying their bodies side to side in their seats. I look at Wanda who is shyly whispering the lyrics. I squeeze her hand gently taking a quick look at her as I start singing the next verse trying my best to show her it's okay to sing aloud, as I look back to the road.
Time flies by in the yellow and green
Stick around and you'll see what I mean
There's a mountaintop that I'm dreaming of
If you need me you know where I'll be
I look back at Wanda when I realise she stopped singing, the boys only getting louder, and see her already looking at me with her lip between her teeth. Her eyes show me so much love and as I continue to sing as I turn my attention back to the road I see a smile grow on her face from my peripheral vision. I give her hand another squeeze and smile widely when I hear her start singing the chorus.
I'll be riding shotgun underneath the hot sun
Feeling like a someone (someone)
I'll be riding shotgun underneath the hot sun
Feeling like a someone
All of us are now swaying our bodies left to right, and I tap my hand against the steering wheel, as we get into our groove and start to enjoy the music. Wanda's voice is more confident and for never having heard I sing, I'm amazed her voice is beautiful and she has a husk to it that makes my heart soar at the sound. I just fell more in love with her if that is even possible.
We're south of the Equator, navigator
Gotta hit the road, gotta hit the road
Deep sea diving 'round the clock, bikini bottoms, lager tops
I could get used to this
Time flies by in the yellow and green
Stick around and you'll see what I mean
There's a mountaintop that I'm dreaming of
If you need me you know where I'll be
I'll be riding shotgun underneath the hot sun
Feeling like a someone (someone)
I'll be riding shotgun underneath the hot sun
Feeling like a someone
Wanda let's go of my hand as she starts dancing in her seat, moving her hand in time to the beat. At first she simply taps at the air but it slowly transforms into her hands waving about in the air looking like waves, or rolling her wrist with her fingers like she is trying to entice someone. She giggles a little when she sees me turning my head to look as she sings a few lyrics to me before I turn my attention back to the road.
We got two in the front (hey)
Two in the back (hey)
Sailing along
And we don't look back (back, back)
Time flies by in the yellow and green
Stick around and you'll see what I mean
There's a mountaintop that I'm dreaming of
If you need me you know where I'll be
I'll be riding shotgun underneath the hot sun
Feeling like a someone (someone)
I'll be riding shotgun underneath the hot sun
Feeling like a someone
I'll be riding shotgun underneath the hot sun
Feeling like a someone (someone)
I'll be riding shotgun underneath the hot sun
Feeling like a someone, a someone, a someone, someone
I look in the rearview mirror and smile when I watch the boys sing to one another as they bop their heads, smiling at one another. I look back to the road and feel Wanda's hand creep into mine as she brings it up to her lips and starts to sing against the back of my hand. I take a quick look over at her to see her already looking at me with her fuzzy smile before she continues to sing against my hand and I look back to the road.
We all let out small giggles when the song comes to an end and Wanda leans forward to turn the stereo back down. As she leans back she brings our hands back to her lips as she peppers the back of my hand with kisses, so I squeeze her hand in return. Once she has deemed all of my hand kissed, she brings it down to rest in her lap as she rests her back against the headrest.
"Guys look." I point out the window to the mountains that we are now starting to drive past, the flat land left behind.
"Woah. It's beautiful." Wanda's jaw drops as she looks out her window.
"It only gets more beautiful from here."
~~~~~
We have just passed through Banff which means we have another hour left of our journey, the boys are on their phones keeping themselves entertained as Wanda takes a small nap. I suddenly see something in the road that makes me wake her up knowing she won't want to miss it and grab the boy's attention.
"Princess, boys. Look what's on the road." Wanda's eyes flutter open just by the sound of my voice and the boys lean forward to look through the windscreen and I smile when I hear all three of them gasp.
"Holy cow! That's huge!" Wanda sits forward in her seat more as I slow the car down so I can avoid the animal.
"Actually mom, I think it's a moose." Tommy giggles as Wanda rolls her eyes before they go back to looking at the huge animal.
"It is indeed a moose. Looks like a fully grown male to me with how big it is."
It's walking on our side of the road, I slow down even more to make sure I don't spook it as I check the other side of the road. When I confirm there are no other cars coming I slowly pull out onto the other side and up next to the moose. Wanda and the boys look up to the moose as we pass at a safe distance before I get back to our side of the road and slowly speed up.
"That was bigger than the car!" Billy squeals as him and Tommy look at the rearview window as Wanda looks in her side mirror.
"Yeah, that was probably about 2.5m to the shoulder. They are big creatures. Dangerous too."
"I didn't think they were that big. I always thought they were like deer in size." Wanda thinks aloud as she looks to the boys who look at her nodding.
"Well hopefully we see a few more during this week. We may get lucky and see some bears and wolves too."
"Wait wolves and bears! Will there be any by the cabin?" I shake my head at Billy's question.
"Shouldn't be. The land is fenced off to a certain point so we are protected."
"Damn I wanted to see a bear...or a wolf." I laugh as he slumps back in his chair.
"Well there are plenty of times that you see them on the road, so keep an eye out everytime we drive. You might get lucky." With that both boys start looking out the windows desperate to find the animals they want to see.
Wanda pulls my hand up to her face, her hand moving behind mine as she presses it against her cheek. She kisses the palm of my hand and I start rubbing my thumbs over her cheek bone, I feel her lean into my hand more. She kisses it a few more times before placing it in her lap as she plays with my fingers, and I smile when she starts drawing random shapes and patterns.
~~~~
"And we are here." I inform them as I stop the car on the gravel.
"Wow this is massive." Tommy says as he climbs out of the car with Billy.
"It is beautiful Y/n." Wanda leans over the center console to kiss my cheek before she climbs out of the car.
I join them in grabbing our bags from the back before pushing the door shut and locking the car watching as the three of them race to the front of the cabin. I smile as they look through the windows of the cabin gasping at what they see inside. I make it to the front door of the cabin, watching their excitement grow as I unlock the door. They walk into the cabin, eyes scanning every detail as they spin around to get a full view.
"Okay so Tommy your room is going to be up the stairs third door on the right, Billy yours is the first door on the right. The second door is a cupboard with some games and other stuff in it. Boys, your rooms have their own toilets, but make sure you lock both doors when doing your business because the other door leads to the shared bathroom. You have two sinks and there is a walk in shower, so you sort out who is showering first between you two."
"Okay Y/n!" They both shout as they make their way up the stairs holding their suitcases up so they don't bump against the stairs.
"Where are we staying?" Wanda asks as I grab her bag nodding for her to go up the stairs.
"We are in the only room on the left hand side. We have an ensuite with both a big bath that fits two, and a walk in shower like at your apartment. The room has a built-in wardrobe, a few chest of drawers and the view is spectacular."
She opens the door and her eyes scan the room as she walks around dragging a hand over every surface. She looks back to me after a while, and I let go of the suitcases when she runs towards me and jumps. I easily catch her as she wraps her arms and legs around my body while I spin us around a couple of times.
"You happy princess."
"I'm over the moon baby. This is so beautiful, it's amazing, it's….I love it. I love you. So, so much." I smile at her as I bring our lips together for a few seconds before resting my forehead against hers.
"Go have a look out the window." I put her down and she shuffles over to the window, a small gasp escaping her lips as she looks up to the mountains.
"I wish we could stay forever in this moment." I come up behind her wrapping my arms around her waist as my chin comes to rest on the top of her head.
"You get to see this everyday for the whole week Wanda."
"I'm never going to get bored of that view." I kiss the top of her head.
"The view never gets boring, it's always as mesmerising as the first time I saw it."
"Y/n. Remember what I told you my dream home was?"
"I do and I know princess. We can have our own cabin in the mountains, in the woods, by a lake one day. You just need the boys to be in college." She turns around with a few tears in her eyes and I smile softly at her as I cup her cheeks.
"You remembered?" I nod softly as I lean down to peck her lips a few times.
"If it is a dream of yours then it is a dream of mine."
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Prom night at Ormond high
Fandom: Dead By Daylight
Characters: The Legion (Frank, Jules, Joe, Susie.)
Content: Genderfluid!Julie/Jules, Trans!Susie, Trans!Frank, Cosplay Joey/Joe
Summary: When Legion Night and Prom Night Merge.
Legion been planning Prom Night for months. Susie had never got to go to prom as herself before - well, never gone to prom at all. She was so excited that the Legion decided to make it a night she’d never forget. Jules helped Susie style her hair, plaiting the pink locks into a side Dutch braid. She made her own dress, combining different coloured translucent netted fabric into a layered skirt, making it scrunched up and asymmetrical. The pinks, purples, and blues all merging together. The shape flowing out so dramatically and chaotically so she didn’t feel pressured to tuck. She sewed it to a sporty t-shirt her dad bought her. She didn’t support like Hockey, she didn’t have any interest in the Calgary Flames and yet every single season since she was a baby he’d bought her the latest kit. It slowly became something genuinely sweet to a cruel gesture. She cut the neckline so it was lower and cuter. She sewed the sides in so it wasn’t quite so loose, and dyed the fabric into tiedye pink before using paint and markers to turn the flaming C to an S. She completed the look with a purple hoodie with blue flames on the sleeves and hem, grey woollen leggings, and Jules’ old pink Converse sneakers. Since it was Legion night, she had an old fencing mask she stole from school spray painted blue with purple flames at the bottom.
Jules had been to prom before, but it always with long blonde hair and a dress her mom forced upon them. They had been bought a dress this year, their mom trying to pawn the sons of her friends off on Jules, becoming angrier with every insistence they made that they had a boyfriend. They ended up giving in on the dress only, or so their mom thought. Jules gave it to Susie, she was one hell of a seamstress and could turn it into a nice dress. On the Legion Prom night, like Susie Jules finally got to go to prom as themselves. They wore a white button up shirt, a black waistcoat, a black leather collar with a silver ring, pinstripe black trousers, a loose studded belt, a tighter black belt with charms hanging from each loop (varying things like bats, coffins, and daggers), and a silver wallet chain. Jules straightened their hair and cut it to be chin length at the front and Frank helped with a pair of clippers to make it a number four at the back. Their mom cried when she saw it, their dad snorted and laughed - telling them they looked like a few choice words. Their little brother who’d just started high school said boys won’t like them anymore, Jules stared at him deliberately as they said ‘good’. For their mask, they took a hockey mask and painted it silver, simple but terrifying. Like a sleeker 21st century Jason, they thought.
Joe didn’t really care much about prom itself, the social aspect made him anxious so he did what he did to deal with the way he wanted to puke about being in group settings… He became someone else. On this occasion he made a Jason Todd cosplay - Red Hood era of course. Plus, it would feel like a smug fuck you to the basketball player who said Batman wasn’t for people like Joe. The Red Hood mask worked perfectly for Legion Night, he picked the artwork from the latest Batman comic series the Hill. He spent weeks in Art class making the red face covering, he made the class black eye mask out of Kevlar, and the lower half vibrant red armour out of EVA foam. He thrifted a red hoodie, and Susie helped him cut the sleeves off nice and neat, Grey combat trousers and a utility belt he already had from his previous cosplays, a black t-shirt was easy enough. Susie’s skills with the stolen sewing machine at the ski lodge meant he good tactical style grey pockets to the hoodie, and the red hood logo to the t-shirt. He wore black combat boots and him and Frank stole him some red hand wraps from the local sports store. Joe was so happy with it, he couldn’t wait to be Jason Todd and teach the creepy 4chan weirdos at school who talked about how much they loved the Joker a lesson.
Frank had been evasive about what he’d wear, and Jules managed to drag him out with their dad’s stolen credit card. Frank had never been to a school long enough to have a prom, and prior to now it never bothered him but Jules, Joe, and Susie wanted it to be special for him too. It wasn’t anything too flashy, a black blazer with matching suit trousers, a crimson shirt, black shoes, badges and pins for the lapels and his black tie… and that was that. When Frank saw himself in the mirror, his binder ensuring it fit just how he wanted it to he ended up having to try and hide (unsuccessfully) the tears building in his eyes. He spray painted his own mask in skull paint, and there they were. All ready for the best prom night Ormond was ever going to see.
Susie snuck out, wearing a t-shirt, jeans, and a hoodie with the hood covering her hair and a backpack that was straining and heavy. Joe picked her up in his car and breathed a sigh of relief that no one had questioned where she was going. Joe was ready, more or less. His story was that he was going to work the night shift security for some extra money, if he told his mom he was going to prom she’d ask way too many questions. She was too tired from her long shift to notice Joe was in a cosplay outfit. Jules delighted in wearing their androgynous get-up, smirking as their parents screamed and yelled, by the time Frank came to pick them up (they’d requested, just to piss of their folks even more) their mom was giving them the silent treatment and glaring at them both. Their dad had stormed out to go drink his weight at the local watering hole, probably where Clive was.
“You look beautiful and handsome all at once, babe,” Frank said before they kissed in front of their mom. Deliberate, of course. They went out to Joe’s car, both diving in the backseat and Jules stamping their feet trying to get out their intense hyperactive excitement. They had everything they needed, and once they were all dressed, it was down to the high school for their biggest Legion night yet.
It had been a big job that required a lot of preparation but on the night itself it was surprisingly straightforward. Barring the exits was easy, they could do it all from the outside of the high school gym and use the fire escape to get to the roof. The decorations were a fire hazard in themselves, and they’d hidden fireworks underneath the stage that morning, so when they opened the skylight and poured petrol down onto the unsuspecting students, dropping a lighter into the hall below… It was much less resistance and went a lot smoother than they could have dreamed. They ran to Joe’s car, climbing on top of it to watch the fireworks light up the nights sky, soundtracked by mundane pop music and the screaming and yelling. When they got to the ski lodge and looked down over Ormond, they could still see the fireworks, as well as the police cars, ambulances, and fire engines. The four of them had their own prom - music, booze, and Legion. It was all they needed. They made bets about how many got out alive, and joked about what the cruellest bullies looked like with their skin boiling on their bodies. It was truly a prom night they would never forget.
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2024 olympians representing non country of residence part 1
USA: Jaime Czarkowski, swimming (Calgary, Alberta); Catalina Gnoriega, archery (Mexicali, Mexico); Colin Heathcock, fencing (Beijing, China) & Jennifer Mucino-Fernandez (Ciudad Mexico, Mexico)
Afghanistan: Kamia Yousufi, athletics (Mashhad, Iran)
Albania: Chermen Valiev, wrestling (Moscow, Russia)
Algeria: Saoussen Boudiaf, fencing (Roubaix, France); Mehdi Bouloussa, table tennis (Saint-Denis, France); Carole Bouzidi, canoeing (Paris, France); Messaoud Dris, judo (Paris, France); Zohra Kehli, fencing (Bagnolet, France); Koceila Mammeri, badminton (Lyon, France); Tanina Mammeri, badminton (Lyon, France) & Kaylia Nemour (Saint-Benoît-La-Forêt, France)
Antigua & Barbuda: Ellie Shaw, swimming (Fairfax County, Virginia) & Tiger Tyson, sailing (Auckland, New Zealand)
Argentina: Pascual Di Tella, fencing (Brooklyn, New York); Emiliano Grillo, golf (San Diego, California); Nadia Podoroska, tennis (Alicante, Spain); Alejandro Tosti, golf (Gainesville, Florida) & Rocco Ríos-Novo, soccer (Los Angeles, California)
Aruba: Philip Elhage, shooting (Willemstad, Curaçao) & Just Van Aanholt, sailing (Willemstad, Curaçao)
Australia: Alex De Minaur, tennis (Alicante, Spain); Thaisa Erwin, equestrian (Middleburg, Virginia); Raphaelle Gauthier, swimming (Montreal, Quebec); Daniel Golubovic, athletics (Manhattan Beach, California); Min Jee, table tennis (Seoul, South Korea); Miloš Maksimović, water polo (Novi Sad, Serbia); Jacob Merčep, water polo (Dubrovnik, Croatia); Kathryn Mitchell, athletics (Monte Carlo, Monaco); Georgii Okorokov, wrestling (Yakutsk, Russia); Hilary Scott, equestrian (Valkenswaard, The Netherlands); Ajla Tomljanović, tennis (Boca Raton, Florida); Josh Turner, rugby (Hamilton, New Zealand); Samantha Whitcomb, basketball (Ventura, California) & Joshua Yong; swimming (Bandar Seri Begawan, Brunei)
Austria: Lorena Abicht, sailing (Hamburg, Germany); Valentin Bontus, sailing (Poetto, Italy); Alina Kornelli, sailing (Munich, Germany); Lukas Mähr, sailing (Eichenzell, Germany); Elisabeth Straka, archery (Hamburg, Germany) & Josef Straka, golf (Vestavia Hills, Alabama)
Azerbaijan: Tiffany Hayes, basketball (Winter Haven, Florida); Uşangi Kokauri, judo (Gori, Georgia); Zelym Kotsoiev, judo (Vladikavkaz, Russia); Magomedkhan Magomedov, wrestling (Aleksandriskaya, Russia); Georgi Meshvildishvili, wrestling (Tbilisi, Georgia); Alexandra Mollenhauer, basketball (Lindale, Texas); Mariya Stadnyk, wrestling (Lviv, Ukraine) & Marcedes Walker, basketball (Philadelphia, Pennsylvania)
Bahrain: Amani Al-Obaidli, swimming (Brisbane, Australia); Tigist Gashaw-Beday, athletics (Addis Ababa, Ethiopia); Askerbii Gerbekov, judo (Roscha, Russia); Gor Minasyan, weightlifting (Gyumri, Armenia); Lesman Paredes (Buenaventura, Colombia) & Akhmed Tazhudinov (Gergebil, Russia)
Belgium: Thomas Detry, golf (Dubai, U.A.E.); Adrien Dumont-De Chassart, golf (St. Johns County, Florida) & Delphine Nkansa, athletics (Paris, France)
Benin: Valentin Houinato, judo (Sainte-Geneviève-Des-Bois, France) & Alex Kpade, swimming (Le Havre, France)
Bermuda: Dara Alizadeh, rowing (Brookline, Massachusetts) & Erica Hawley, triathlon (Boulder, Colorado)
Bolivia: Esteban Núñez, swimming (Antibes, France)
Brazil: Nicolas Albiero, swimming (Louisville, Kentucky); Angelina Costantino, soccer (Jersey City, New Jersey); Laura De Andrade, tennis (Barcelona, Spain); Tatiana Dos Santos, surfing (Kauai County, Hawaii); Camilla Gluckstein, gymnastics (Atlantic Highlands, New Jersey); Nathalie Mollhausen, fencing (Milan, Italy); Thiago Monteiro, tennis (Buenos Aires, Argentina); Rodrigo Pessoa, equestrian (Wilton, Connecticut); Luana Silva, surfing (Honolulu County, Hawaii); Felipe Toledo, surfing (San Clemente, California) & Thiago Wild, tennis (Buenos Aires, Argentina)
British Virgin Islands: Adaejah Hodge, athletics (Douglasville, Georgia)
Brunei: Hayley Wong, swimming (Pudong, China)
Bulgaria: Aik Mnatsakarian, wrestling (Akhalkalaki, Georgia); Kevin Penev, gymnastics (Penfield, New York) & Magomed Ramazanov, wrestling (Khasavyurtovsky, Russia)
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