#c-is-for-circinate

[mzminola]

Image: blue poster with a flying dragon silhouette with white text reading “you can’t put the BLORBO on a BLUE”. /end ID

C’s commentary on Impression wankery in Pern crossovers.

[bepisbee]

Take me back to eden

based on this post https://www.tumblr.com/c-is-for-circinate/731826400486653952?source=share

“The eyes are the window to the soul, they say. An important part of you. Part of you we brought back haha,” He cupped Shadow’s cheeks in his hands “I am so glad you are here.” Shadow was overwhelmed at the moment in conflicting emotions. “Welcome back.”

Read on Ao3

He was suddenly and painfully, very painfully, aware. Everything was wrong. His body felt too big, he couldn’t get enough air. There were black spots covering the majority of his vision. Shadow's body gasped air into his lungs, retching him upright with the force. Too many things slammed into him at once, his head felt detached from his body and dizzy. If he could see the room would be spinning wildly. Shadow could hear voices but not make out what was being said. Gulping in air fast, then slowly ebbing out to normalcy. It quenched the ache in his chest. The burning sensation faded. Someone was gripping his left hand tightly. Something hard and cold was under him. Stone? As he blinked the black blurred into shapes. Tunnel vision faded as his body finally calmed down. He still felt too big at the moment.

“Can you hear me?” A familiar voice was in his ear, soft and concerned. More mature than he last remembered. Was it possible?? Shadow looked over and met his eyes at last. Unique ice blue as sharp as glass filled his vision. Until it got blurry with tears. There would never be any mistake whose eyes those were. His heart thumped loud in his ears as blood rushed back into his system. Something in the eye contact was beginning to bring up a fight or flight response.

Shadow had a feeling it wasn’t to do with his sudden consciousness.

Vio sat next to him on a hard cold stone floor. Hand interlaced with Shadow’s clawed fingers. Shadow nodded at him yes to the question. Vio being the first sight since he’d died, it made him breathless. It was almost enough to shake off the strange chill that ran up his spine when he met his gaze. Something putting goosebumps and hairs on end in an unfamiliar way. At least the feeling of running from immediate danger had gone away.

“Hey.” Shadow’s voice was rough and dry. His lips stuck a little when he opened them to speak. A shorter version of Vio, wearing a red cat shirt, handed over a glass potion bottle. He took it gratefully. After chugging the refreshing liquid magic he finally realized who was all around him, his senses coming back but by bit. Kneeling down was Red, who gave him the potion. Green, a little ways back standing up. Blue halfway between, watching. He couldn’t read their expressions from here. Vio. His beautiful Vio. His dry lips split as he smiled to his eyes. Shining bright and pretty as ever. Vio melted.

“The eyes are the window to the soul, they say. An important part of  you. Part of you we brought back haha,” He cupped Shadow’s cheeks in his hands “I am so glad you are here.”

Shadow was overwhelmed at the moment in conflicting emotions.

“Welcome back.”

Shadow was now sitting on a large old jean blue couch. Its cushions restuffed (overstuffed) to pure comfort. The small home was new to him of course. As was everything inside it. It had been a few days since he woke up and things had been a roller coaster. After some serious private conversation with Vio, they had decided on a trial relationship. There were many things to air out between them and trust to rebridge. Shadow tucked himself up, knees underneath like a cat loaf. He was wearing Vio’s ratty black hoodie. He had said it was a five “ex el” so it was ginormous on them both. Shadow had a lot to learn about the world. It had been interesting enough when he barely saw it but now that he had the time? Technology amazed him, as limited as they had right now.

Vio had explained they owned a cottage in Faron Woods. Well he did anyways. The others lived in Hyrule City, where they could walk to work at the castle. They had rebuilt and recovered quite well. Shadow hummed in thought, looking down at the bowl of stew in his hands. It has been ten years so it wasn't surprising life was normal again. Vio claimed to be a potion curator. Creator, herbalist, and magic influencer. He seemed hesitant to talk in detail about it.

Steam rose up from the bowl. Shadow needed to get used to this whole eating thing. The others were currently working on projects, (Blue and Green), cooking, (Red, who had woken him for this delicious smelling meal) or somewhere. He wasn't actually sure where Vio was at the moment.

He had been getting a nagging feeling they weren’t telling him something. Everyone on the surface was smiling, laughing, talking, and teaching. There was something in it though. Smiles that didn’t quite reach their eyes, nervous glances at each other when they don't think he’s looking. Not to mention how cold he felt down his spine when making eye contact with Vio. Shadow had been doing his best to put it aside. How would he even ask something like that without making it sound bad?

“ -ot feeling stew or too hot?” Shadow jumped, startled at Vio’s sudden voice. Speak of the devil.

“Ha sorry.” He laughed it off. He genuinely was happy to see him. “Just thinking about you actually,“ he put the bowl down on the coffee table in the middle and patted the seat next to him. Vio sat, one long graceful leg over the other. A strange chill filled the air again.

“What've you been up to? I couldn’t find ya.” Shadow leaned against him barely. Vio leaned back. They were still learning each other's boundaries and touch starvation made things complicated on both ends.

Shadow’s skin felt warm and tingly where they made contact.

“I’m sorry, I got lost in some research. You know me and books.” He nervously tucked some hair behind his pointed ear. A habit he had picked up a while ago.

“Down in your super secret locked basement of doom?” Shadow teased. It had 5 deadbolts and a magic seal. His memory of waking up was hazy enough he knew it was downstairs, but not much else about it.

“There’s dangerous equipment and ingredients. Red spilled something once and burned a hole in the floor.” Vio smiled fondly. “I’ll spend all of tomorrow with you, to make up for it.” the blonde hesitated a little before running a hand through his purple locks. “How about a little bath? I have these soap things that we call bath bombs.”

“Bath bombs??” Shadow perked up. He liked explosives.

“You put them in water and they… well you’ll see it.” Vio chuckled at his excitement. “They are surprisingly easy to make…” he began talking about how to make the soaps, scents, and compress it. Shadow sort of listened. The longer he sat close to Vio the more he noticed the slightly off smell. Not bad or stinky necessarily, just different. Usually it was his lavender soap, maybe some incense. Today it was different. It reminded him of the dark world portals he used to plague the world with. Strange herbs and weird fire. Shadow mentally shook it out of his head. There was no way. He must just be thinking about the past too much.

Shadow helped clean up some dishes, much to his grumbling. Red claimed it was to help him get better with helping people. While he was washing, hands all full of soap he had an idea. He grinned and slowly snuck up behind the red hero bubbles a plenty. Just as he was about to prank he noticed: the distant look. Red’s eyes were flat, plain, no light. Just staring off creepily. An offset frown on his face. It was the first he had ever seen a frown on Red, even during their adventure. Shadow paused for too long getting his attention.

“O-oh! Sorry! Did you need something?” Red went back to his cheery self but it was empty. Shadow shook his head and went back to the sink. That really weirded him out.

“I'm going to go to bed soon, I think Vio said for you to meet him in the bath when you were done? G'night shadow! ~’

“Alright!” He called back to his retreating form. “Erm- thanks!” Shadow remembered. They had tried to teach him about politeness. Whatever was going on with them he did not want to rock the boat.

Shadow kept replaying the odd scenarios over and over. He finished setting all the dishes on a drying rack and let the water go down the drain. “Fuck. I’m sure it’s just me…” shadow took a deep breath and headed over down the hall. It started smelling very strong like soap and herbs.

He gently opened the bathroom door. No he did not open the wrong door first and blush about it, thank you very much.

Vio was waiting for him, reading while sitting on a counter. “Ah! Hey,” he put it away. “Good timing.” The bath was luxurious! A giant tub that you feel the warm water of making the room humid. He handed Shadow a small chalky ball that was purple and dried but with something inside. Flower petals?? 

“Hey,” Shadow looked it over and was about to lick it.

“Do not!” Vio laughed. “You put it into the water.”

“I know!” Shadow flushed. He did not know. He stepped over and put it in. It seemed to spark to life. The tiny ball started fizzing and rolling around in the hot tub water. “Woaaah!” It started to turn it into a deep purple color that sparkled. The tiny petals floating at the top. It smelled of lilac and honey.

Vio put a hand on his shoulder. “If you step in, I’ll wash you?” Vio looked a bit uncomfortable and vulnerable. This was a big step for them. This almost felt more intimate than some of the things he’d read in Vio’s secret book stash.

Shadow did as told. Thankful Vio had turned around while he derobed. He almost missed the cute blush on his face. The blonde only turned around when he heard Shadow stop moving. “This is so warm!” He sank into bliss. Vio knelt down by the edge and rolled up his sleeves. It was almost scandalous. He never showed any skin afterall. There were some battle scars but not anything that seemed too concerning.

They spent the next while talking while Vio washed his hair and showed him to clean up. As peaceful and serene this moment was, an anxiety formed in his gut. Shadow tried to push it down but it just would not go away. Vio seemed to be the only color fully presently aware when making eye contact. That was almost worse. It felt intense, like a predator about to strike. And he knew that feeling, for Hylia’s sake he had a dragon! Shadow’s shoulders remained tense.

“It’s alright if this is too much for you,” The ever observant Vio noticed. “I can stop-”

“No! No- I uhhh…” shadow raised his wet hands up. “I'm just not used to this sorta thing!”

“If you're sure… I think it’s probably time to get out and dry anyway. The water is turning cold.” Vio stood up. “There's a plug in the bottom can you reach? You just pull it out.” He turned to grab a fluffy towel from the small cupboard. Shadow leaned down and did so. A sharp spike of fear struck his back upright afterwards for showing his back to Vio. But when he looked, he was still in the cupboard fiddling until he found a black towel. Shadow let out a breath he didn't realize he was holding and stood up carefully. He was warned the water was slippery.

Shadow took the offered towel and dried up, the wrapped it around his waist haphazardly. He had no idea what he was doing and the panic was rising as much as he tried to bottle it up. Something wasn’t right. It was awkwardly quiet on the walk to their room. Him and Vio shared since there were only two in the small cottage. The others were sharing the guest room and rotating who slept on the couch.

They changed into pajamas avoiding eye contact. Shadows of course was just some of Vio’s old clothes. When he brought up shopping (stealing really) something for his own it was shut down hard. Faster than reasonable honestly. More so about going into the city. Shadow supposed it was reasonable, he did terrorize them after all. But it had also been ten years since, and surely no one would question their heroes?

They slipped into the bed and eventually Vio fell asleep.

It had been very hard for Shadow to sleep next to him. At first he thought it was lingering feelings over Vio’s betrayal. He was sure that was still part of it. But not all.

It must have been well past midnight when Shadow snuck up. Careful not to disturb Vio, he crept downstairs. He needed to know. He wrapped the loose long edges of Vio’s sweater around his palms in comfort as he slowly walked to the basement door. Tunnel vision prevented any other thought. Need to see, need to know. He reached up and undid all the locks. It was just his pure luck that this night Vio had forgotten to reseal the magic. Maybe it was him sitting on the couch? Or a slip of carelessness. It didn’t matter. The door opened. It was darker than the abyss that had trapped him so many years.

His mind whirled back to that first day. Less than a week ago now, that still felt like years. Just out of reach. It smelled the same as Vio had when he approached earlier. Like dark magic.

Shadow took each step down slowly, unsure in the darkness. Feeling the walls as he went for any sort of switch or even a candle. He found one at the base of the steps. It flickered the overhead light in a dingy barely lit yellow. It flickered and buzzed. The room of course was made of stone, as most basements were. There was a small white container in the corner, shelves upon shelves of things, a cauldron in the middle. Jars of specimens, parts, preserved roots, all things that would seem normal for an alchemist to have, lined the shelves and table. It was creepy but not out of the ordinary. He noticed drag lines near the bookshelf. Way to make your secret liar obvious, Vio. He smiled a little. It gave him nostalgia. As he pulled aside the shelf he found another room. There was no stash or storage. It looked savage and It all came back to him at once. This was the room he woke up in. He could feel the unnaturally cold hard floor. It was a giant mirror surface, or at least appeared to be. Shiny inky blackness of a dark mirror on the floor. A circle with some kind of writing he didn’t recognize the language of sat in the middle. He had enough experience to know that it was dried blood that spelled out whatever ritual he had been part of. Shadow’s whole body felt cold. This entire room, the second he stepped into it, felt absolutely utterly wrong. He had been in the presence of evil, hells he was evil until very shortly to the end of his life! This was something darker. More malicious. The floor under him swirled about not acknowledging his presence.

A sharp chill shocked his spine. Something was wrong. He felt watched. That first instinct he had had on this floor: the fight or flight. It was kicking in and he was freezing instead.

In hindsight, VIo thought, he should have double checked the door as he usually did. Tonight he was just so ecstatic that Shadow seemed more reciprocating to his touch and advances. He just didn't think about it. His revived partner was happy, warm, in his clothes. Vio’s breath came quicker now, looking around. Shadow wasn’t in bed, wasn’t in the bathroom, or the kitchen. Options to where he could be were running slim and he didn’t like the odds. He glanced over now, at the partially ajar basement door. Shit.

Shadow meanwhile looked around in paranoia. He shuddered and when he turned to look again from the corner of his eye he saw eyes watching him inside the mirror. He quickly faced them as they disappeared. Whose were those?? It happened again. Lingering longer than last time. Three pairs stayed this time. He couldn't look away. It was Link. Or well, his parts anyways. Something clicked for him.

He wasn’t sure why but something Vio had said to him after waking up.

“The eyes are the window to the soul, they say.”

What had he done?

As true panic began to set in, making him hyperventilate, a sudden force knocked his world into blackness.

Shadow woke up the next  morning with a minor headache and a start. “Ha! Whuh??” He looked around. His movement woke a bleary-eyed Vio in the process.

“Huh? Whas?” Vio mumbled rubbing his eyes and sitting up. “Ok?”

“Oh.” Everything felt fine. He was exactly where he had been the night before. Vio was where he had been when he fell asleep. Fell asleep?? When did he fall asleep?

“Are you alright Shadow? You were kicking in your sleep, was it a nightmare? I’m sorry, maybe I should have woken you… but I’ve read it’s better to let nightmares sort themselves out…” Vio sleepily supplied. Shadow started. A nightmare…. Of course! That’s why his brain was foggy about what he saw. There was no way the other colors would have let Vio make a giant floor dark mirror in his basement, let alone sacrifice their own souls to bring him back.

“Sorry. I… I don’t even really remember what it was about now.” He laughed nervously. Vio did not catch onto his lie. “Can we have some of that tea? The Sharp one.”

“Chai?” “Yeah! Ch eye!” Shadow beamed at him, once again stuffing down his body response. Vio smiled back and got up. “I’ll be right back then.” He left to go downstairs.

Shadow let out his breath, his body still tensed up. He knew exactly what happened. He knew it was no dream or nightmare. Maybe one day he would be willing to accept that.

A thought occurred to him though, as VIo left the room. He didn’t remember seeing Green after the first day in the basement. He didn’t remember seeing Blue on the couch where he was supposed to be sleeping last night. He couldn’t hear Red humming from the kitchen today…

Downstairs, the door had a new magical seal on it. This time, to keep anything in rather than out.

Vio glanced only briefly at it, before heading back upstairs. He needed to make sure Shadow couldn’t see them anymore after all. He brought up the tea where Shadow was waiting.

[stuckstucktrolls]

🌅💅🍳🎭 for Circin and (I forgot his name but he was new and evil ;-;)

Do you have a certain routine for starting your night?

P: Of course I have a routine. My genes might be exceptional, but the thousands of sweeps I might end up living is a long time to go without a good skin and hair care. I'd get into more detail, but it's my own secret and pretty intensive. Then I take breakfast at 6 pm whether the sun is down or not, then do some light yoga to get the aquatic based vascular system moving. After that I get to work for the night.

C: ^o I'm pretty flexible but I always have my uniform set out from the night before, whether I'm working in the lab or the field. ^o I'm also usually the one who makes breakfast but sometimes Cherry comes over with something. ^o I love when my moirail and mate are both around to chat before if have to leave. ^o And with Fergus around more I get to have that more often. ^o And soon I might have a spade to come visit too.

(He seems to have lost his train of thoughts.)

^o What were we talking about?

Do you have time or resources for self care or small luxuries?

P: Not much point in being a violet if you don't have the money and prestige, is there?

C: ^o I do but I prefer simple pleasures. ^o Getting my hair redone, spending time with quads or friends, studying the minds of particularly interesting aliens. ^o You know. ^o The usual.

What sort of cuisine do you normally eat? Are you openly okay with items labelled only as grubsauce or grubloaf?

P: As if I'd even touch that pre-processed grub mush. Do you know the kinds of chemicals they put in that stuff? I do, because on top of being the CEO of my own drug company, I'm also a chemist. That stuff might be fine for lowbloods to gorge on, but not me. I have a personal chef, a nutritionist and only go to the most highly rated dining establishments when I do go out.

C: ^o I'm actually not that picky as long as everyone else is happy. ^o That said, lately it's been a lot of Spanish and Italian with Cherry, generalized Alternian with Fergus, drinks with one or both of them, and the occasional protein bar.

How do you access entertainment? What is available to you to do for fun?

P: There's a highbloods club I go to now and then to play pool at. Nice place, everybody knows everybody, and our ancestors knew each other too. And what seadweller doesn't like going for a swim? Got an infinity pool for me and my moirail. Poor thing, he can barely come out of the water for more than a few hours. Just one of us who can't really adapt to land life well, but he can't stay in the sea anymore either. But it's nice we can spend time together that way. I guess there's always the news on busy nights. I still have to keep up with that anyway.

C: ^o I like to go for walks and hang out with my quads. ^o As long as they're happy I'm happy.

[darkfeanix]

In Which I Read Dragonflight

So after observing references to this "Dragonriders of Pern" series passively for several years, I recently decided to see if it was worth a look. To my immense gratitude, @c-is-for-circinate​ wrote out a very nice explanation and recommendation here. Having now finished the first book they suggested, Dragonflight, I wanted to share my thoughts.

(Also, I've just realised the second book they recommended was Dragonsdawn, not Dragonquest, which is the one I thoughtlessly jumped into after finishing Dragonflight. Oh well, I guess I'll be checking out Dragsondawn next.)

Thoughts under the cut. Spoilers for Dragonflight, and to a lesser degree Dragonquest, naturally.

So all things considered, I did end up enjoying Dragonflight. I really liked Lessa as a protagonist, and F'lar as the handsome man who sweeps in to sweep the protagonist off their feet, even if I did get frustrated with him from time to time.

I loved the dragons. After 10+ years of Game of Thrones and House of the Dragon, where dragons are intelligent but still largely bestial in nature, it was a thrill to read about dragons communicating directly with their riders. I also found it interesting that McCaffrey includes an introduction (prologue? I was listening to the audiobook and don't remember how it was titled) that explicitly goes into the history of Pern as a science fiction setting rather than fantasy. I know that it had that backstory, but I had assumed it was something that would come out over time, not be made plain before the story even started.

To be clear, I'm a huge fan of the worldbuilding. I'm a sucker for stories where society has forgotten its scientific origins and so marvellous achievements of times past come to be regards as magic.

Speaking of times past: was not expecting time travel in this story! Somehow managed to avoid spoiling myself about that until I reached it in the story. I thought it was quite cleverly woven, with serious enough consequences that overuse of it could end up being disastrous. Unfortunately, I did spoil myself regarding its use in the story's climax, but even then, I thought it was set up so well that if I hadn't known ahead of time I think it would have been really satisfied with it.

Other random things of note:

When the story first introduced Fax, and as we learn more about what an awful person he is, I initially found it hard to take it seriously. "What a cartoonish villain," I thought to myself. And then I thought a bit harder and realised we have people like that in the real world; people with that same sense of entitlement, who think they can do and say and take anything with no consequences. After that he felt a lot less cartoonish, and a lot more satisfying when he met his end.

I really empathised with Lessa when she became Weyrwoman and basically got reduced to… well, "woman do what man say, man fight, woman stay behind to look after home". I despised R'gul, and when it was time for Ramoth's first mating flight, I became genuinely worried and half-convinced that he was going to solidify his power by keeping F'lar out of the picture until it was over. I cannot overstate my relief when he was unseated, nor my satisfaction as he was repeatedly proven wrong about his beliefs over the course of the rest of the story.

Speaking of F'lar, by the way, I got really frustrated with him at multiple points. It seemed like all the things about Lessa that made him want her to become Weyrwoman suddenly become a problem for him once she actually was Weyrwoman. Not to mention that it really felt at times like he was blaming her for not knowing enough, when he should have been well aware that R'gull kept her education very limited. It felt a bit like making someone wear a blindfold to your home and then getting angry when they can't name the colour of the carpet.

As stated above, I have started reading Dragonquest, and I appreciate that the time travel solution, though it solved their problems in the short term, doesn't end up being a perfect deus ex machina; there are consequences being felt even seven years later.

All in all, I’m glad I read it, and once I’ve finished Dragonquest, I will almost certainly check out Dragonsdawn.

[sigridstumb]

"It’s a story about someone who, despite being legitimately bad in so many ways, still has the capacity to be good anyway.  It’s not about redemption, or about what Heaven thinks or judges or wants.  It’s about free will.  However terrible you are or were or have the ability to be, you can still choose to do a good thing.  You can still love.  You can still be loved in return.

And I think that matters." -- c-is-for-circinate

Something that’s been very interesting to me, in this new wave of post-miniseries Good Omens fandom, is the apparent fannish consensus that Crowley is, in fact, bad at his job.  That he’s actually quite nice.  That he’s been skating by hiding his general goodness from hell by taking credit for human evil and doling out a smattering of tiny benign inconveniences that he calls bad.

I get the urge towards that headcanon, and I do think the Crowley in the miniseries comes off as nicer than the one in the book.  (I think miniseries Crowley and Aziraphale are both a little nicer, a little more toothless, than the versions of themselves in the book.)  But maybe it’s because I was a book fan first, or maybe it’s because I just find him infinitely more interesting this way–I think Crowley, even show!Crowley, has the capacity to be very good at his job of sowing evil.  And I think that matters to the story as a whole.

A demon’s job on Earth, and specifically Crowley’s job on Earth, isn’t to make people suffer.  It’s to make people sin.  And the handful of ‘evil’ things we see Crowley do over the course of the series are effective at that, even if the show itself doesn’t explore them a lot.

Take the cell phone network thing, for instance.  This gets a paragraph in the book that’s largely brushed off in the conversation with Hastur and Ligur, and I think it’s really telling: 

What could he tell them?  That twenty thousand people got bloody furious?  That you could hear the arteries clanging shut all across the city?  And that then they went back and took it out on their secretaries or traffic wardens or whatever, and they took it out on other people?  In all kinds of vindictive little ways which, and here was the good bit, they thought up themselves.  For the rest of the day.  The pass-along effects were incalculable.  Thousands and thousands of souls all got a faint patina of tarnish, and you hardly had to lift a finger.

In essence, without any great expenditure of effort (look, I’d never say Crowley isn’t slothful, but that just makes him efficient), he’s managed to put half of London in a mental and emotional state that Crowley knows will make them more inclined to sin.  He’s given twenty thousand or a hundred thousand or half a million people a Bad Day.  Which, okay, it’s just a bad day–but bad days are exhausting.  Bad days make you snap, make you fail at things, make you feel guiltier and more stressed out in the aftermath when you wake up the next day, makes everything a little worse.  Bad days matter.

Maybe it’s because I’m a believer in the ripple effect of small kindnesses, and that means I have to believe in its opposite.  Maybe it’s just that I, personally, have had enough days that were bad enough that a downed cell network (or an angry coworker because of a downed cell network) would honestly have mattered.  But somebody who deliberately moves through the world doing their best to make everyone’s lives harder, with the aim of encouraging everybody around them to be just a little crueler, just a little angrier, just a little less empathetic–you know what, yes.  I do call that successful evil.

It’s subtle, is the thing.  That’s why Hastur and Ligur don’t get it, don’t approve of it.  Not because Crowley isn’t good at his job, but because we’ve seen from the beginning that Hastur and Ligur are extremely out of touch with humanity and the modern world and just plain aren’t smart enough to get it.  It’s a strategy that relies on understanding how humans work, what our buttons are and how to press them.  It’s also a strategy that’s remarkably advanced in terms of free will.  Hastur and Ligur deliberately tempt and coerce and entrap individuals into sinning, but Crowley never even gets close.  We never see him say to a single person, ‘hey, I’ve got an idea for you, why don’t you go do this bad thing?’  He sets up conditions to encourage humans to actually do the bad things they’re already thinking of themselves.  He creates a situation and opens it up to the results of free choice.  Every single thing a person does after Crowley’s messed with them is their own decision, without any demonic coercion to blame for any of it.

You see it again in the paintball match.  “They wanted real guns, I gave them what they wanted.”  In this case, Crowley didn’t need to irritate anybody into wanting to do evil–the desire to shoot and hurt and maybe even kill their own coworkers was already present in every combatant on that paintball field.  Crowley just so happened to be there at exactly the right time to give them the opportunity to turn that fleeting, kind-of-bad-but-never-acted-upon desire into real, concrete, attempted murder.  Sure, nobody died–where would be the fun in a pile of corpses?  But now forty-odd people who may never have committed a real act of violence in their entire lives, caught in a moment of weakness with real live weapons in their hands, will get to spend the rest of their lives knowing that given the opportunity and the tiniest smidgen of plausible deniability, they are absolutely the sort of people who could and would kill another human being they see every single day over a string of petty annoyances.

Crowley understands the path between bad thought and evil action.  He knows it gets shorter when somebody is upset or irritated, and that it gets shorter when people practice turning one into the other.  He understands that sometimes, removing a couple of practical obstacles is the only nudge a person needs–no demonic pressure or circumvention of free will required.

I love this interpretation, because I love the idea that Crowley, who’s been living on Earth for six thousand years, actually gets people in a way no other demon can.  I love the idea that Crowley, the very first tempter, who was there when free will was invented, understands how it works and how to use it better than maybe anyone else.  And I really love the idea that Crowley our hero, who loves Aziraphale and saves the world, isn’t necessarily a good guy.

There’s a narrative fandom’s been telling that, at its core, is centered around the idea that Crowley is good, and loves and cares and is nice, and always has been.  Heaven and its rigid ideas of Right and Wrong is itself the bad thing.  Crowley is too good for Heaven, and was punished for it, but under all the angst and pain and feelings of hurt and betrayal, he’s the best of all of them after all.

That’s a compelling story.  There’s a reason we keep telling it.  The conflict between kindness and Moral Authority, the idea that maybe the people in charge are the ones who’re wrong and the people they’ve rejected are both victim and hero all at once–yeah.  There’s a lot there to connect with, and I wouldn’t want to take it away from anyone.  But the compelling story I want, for me, is different.

I look at Crowley and I want a story about someone who absolutely has the capacity for cruelty and disseminating evil into the world.  Somebody who’s actually really skilled at it, even if all he does is create opportunities, and humans themselves just keep living down to and even surpassing his expectations.  Somebody who enjoys it, even.  Maybe he was unfairly labeled and tossed out of heaven to begin with, but he’s embraced what he was given.  He’s thrived.  He is, legitimately, a bad person.

And he tries to save the world anyway.

He loves Aziraphale.  He helps save the entire world.  Scared and desperate and determined and devoted, he drives through a wall of fire for the sake of something other than himself.  He likes humans, their cleverness, their complexities, the talent they have for doing the same sort of evil he does himself, the talent they have for doing the exact opposite.  He cares.

It’s not a story about someone who was always secretly good even though they tried to convince the whole world and themself that they weren’t.  It’s a story about someone who, despite being legitimately bad in so many ways, still has the capacity to be good anyway.  It’s not about redemption, or about what Heaven thinks or judges or wants.  It’s about free will.  However terrible you are or were or have the ability to be, you can still choose to do a good thing.  You can still love.  You can still be loved in return.

And I think that matters.

[autumnrory]

fic rec

title: A Myriad of Misdecisions author: Darksknight pairing: steve/bucky words: 21392 summary: c-is-for-circinate’s AU: “My parents thought I was working for an insurance company in New York when really I was joining the CIA so I just sort of never mentioned when I met you on an assassination-gone-wrong and now we’ve been married for five years and they still don’t know you exist, this has gotten wildly out of hand and you won’t stop laughing about it” ao3

[dr-lemurr]

Inspired by @c-is-for-circinate‘s meta post on what it meant to be a queer fan creator in times when representation was lacking.

[book--wyrm]

@c-is-for-circinate

#Does nobody else find new fic from the 'recent bookmarks' tab in the fandom tag? the what tab?????

Okay I have a follow up question from a poll I started today, which is tied into the concept of fic discoverability.

I would be fascinated to know how you normally find fics to read, and your reasoning about it, if any. Has your behaviour changed over time? What fandom are you in?

[stuckstucktrolls]

C H E R I A for Circin

Chatter: Do they like to talk during the act? If so what do they like to talk about? Is it just dirty talk or something different?

Circin is happy to talk about things while pailing, whether it's dirty talking or just sharing about his night.

Humiliation: Are they into it? Why or why not? How far will they go? Do they enjoy being de-humanized or is it more being made fun of?

Look. With Cheria, she could probably try to humiliate him and he'd just go along with it if it's what she wants. There are hard limits (cuckolding is out unless she got a kismesis he approved of, for example). But in general when it comes to what she'd like he has almost no shame.

Erotica: Do they read or watch it? Does it get them in the mood? Do they create it themselves?

For the most part no. I think the two of them made a movie (?) once just for them, and maybe if Cheria's watching or looking at something he'll join in. But on his own he tends not to

Risk: Are they into some risky kinks? (breath play, exhibitionism, blood play, etc.) If so what are their favorites? Do they practice them safely?

This is again, if she wanted to do something risky he'd be down. He would try to make it as safe as possible while still keeping whatever she found sexy about it

Intensity: Do they like intense scenes? Or are they more a slow and take their time kind of person?

He actually prefers slow, long sessions taking care of each other. Intense but loving is a good second choice tho.

Affection: How affectionate are they during sex? Is it different with people they're romantically involved with? Can they sleep with people they aren't?

He is very affectionate with Cheria. He can sleep with folks he's not romantically involved with and does occasionally in pitch or just non-quadded hook ups. But when he's into someone, he's giving them kisses, nibbles, soft touches, little scratches or whatever else they seem to enjoy. Or pisses them off the most in the case of pitch

[spooky-owl-necromancer]

@c-is-for-circinate said pokemon AU and my brain went YES PLEASE.

The Smeargle definitely came with the magical paints

[sun-critrole]

@c-is-for-circinate posted a lovely little happy-place ficlet (which you can read here) so I thought I’d do the same.

Imagine the waves of the Lucidian Ocean crashing softly like kisses upon the moon-soaked sands of Nicodranas. The beach is sighing in time with the city, and if you look closely the lights flare in time with the tide. There is laughter, maybe, distant enough that it could also be seagulls. There is a rock, still almost warm from a day under vibrant sun. There is a white hand set casually against it, an offering so tempting Beau cannot refuse.

She was never good at impulse control, anyway.

“Hmm?” Yasha hums, her attention to the horizon broken as she turns back, meeting Beau’s eyes unflinchingly. She’s grown into herself, these last months. She seems unshakeable now.

Beau shrugs. She’s still shakeable. She’s hoping Yasha can look past that.

Fortunately, Yasha only smiles, a gift. She turns back to watch the growing storm in the west, her hair blowing in the night air so it brushes Beau’s cheek. They sit, hands clasped together, and watch the moon finish rising, hoping against hope that this - the ocean, the moon, the promise of a warm bed and good friends, the promise of something more - will survive whatever tests they find themselves facing.

[anakinskywalkerisfave]

#oh god Scott is just SO DONE WITH VAULTS #NO MORE VAULTS #HE CANNOT BELIEVE THIS FAMILY (tags via c-is-for-circinate)

[penroseparticle]

c-is-for-circinate replied to your post : Is… is Fjord my favorite character?

1. Fjord is absolutely awesome and very much deserving of being a fave. 2. Caduceus is great, but lots of the stuff that really gets him won’t come for AGES. You’ve got time. 3. You have a type, my friend, and maybe I couldn’t pick it out of a lineup most of the time, but ninety-five percent of the CR posts you’ve made that I’ve seen, ever, have at least obliquely involved Travis Willingham. Sorry to be the one to break it to you.

1. Ok I assumed it was my love of Travis bleeding but I really dig the whole “Our fearless leader/party face” the secret disaster as a vibe so def enjoying this.

2. I am excited because Caduceus is probably the character I would roll out of all of these characters so I want to like him real bad

3. LOOK, I KNOW, OK, I’M A SIMPLE MAN, I DON’T OWE YOU AN EXPLANATION but also like, Nott was my fave for the early game (like, first 20ish episodes now that I am looking back), and Sam is very much not my type, so I think this is independant

BUT YES I HAVE A TYPE, SUE ME

[treeofcups]

This liveblog is such a wonderful thing to finally come home to this evening. Godspeed. You, at least, are going to get through this.

Thank you! I’ll try not to read this as ominous!

[luckthebard]

c-is-for-circinate replied to your post: that's a super interesting observation about what...

Oh man–I missed the Deadlands finale (hopefully I’ll find time soon!), but I finally finished TAZ Amnesty this week, so I’ve actually been thinking about this ALL DAY re: different DM'ing styles. I think you’re 100% right about the grief reaction. I also think it might actually be WORSE when a death is fully unscripted–surprise roll-of-the-dice deaths feel shocking, confusing, incomplete, “wrong”, because they’re not tidy, not how it’s “supposed to go” in fiction.

This is a really good point! Something I read a lot with these sudden, unscripted and unlucky deaths is “it’s not fair.” And...that’s kind of right. 

The fact that sudden TTRPG deaths don’t follow understood narrative conventions around character death makes them very jarring. And if you don’t go into watching streamed TTRPG content kind of braced for that, I imagine it would be incredibly shocking.

[fieldbears]

The "bites from baby snakes can be more dangerous" thing is under a lot of examination right now - it is a common belief, but I don't believe it's holding up to new examination.

That said, I agree with c-for-circinate on most other points, especially on venom production but also:

The pinprick/horseshoe distinction is a complete fiction. (I even have two personal data points! Both my snake bites were by a completely non-venomous snake who left pinpricks.)

Many varieties of snake are technically venomous, but would have a hell of a time causing any problems for any human that wasn't newborn, ancient, or severely ill. A person is so much bigger than intended prey that of most snakes, after all. And as for dangerous snakes' appearances, it's extremely region-specific and you need to know if your area has dangerous noodles that look like leaf litter or more like a float in a pride parade.

And on to my final soapbox: Most people bitten by snakes were trying to kill the snake. Leave the noodle to its business whenever possible.

hey can any snake special interest havers on this website tell me why all snakes dont have venom? is there some sort of hidden evolutionary cost to producing a magic liquid that does the work of killing stuff for you? because much like carnivorous plants that sounds pretty awesome and suspiciously devoid of possible drawbacks for the creature on paper.

this question comes courtesy of my emt textbook saying that all (wild) venomous snakes in the US will produce a bite that looks like two pinpricks, as opposed to nonvenomous snakes that will produce a horseshoe shaped bite. it says you can tell by looking at the bite if it might be dangerous or not using this distinction. is this true? and if so, are more teeth part of the price you pay for magic liquid that kills stuff for you?