#by your best friend. and missing your chance. and being a failure. and sentimentality. and traumatic experiences

[abimee]

you ruined my life and i want you back in it

[tomorrowxtogether]

BEOMGYU: “I just want to be who I am, not defined by any role”

TOMORROW X TOGETHER The Chaos Chapter: FREEZE comeback interview

2021.06.09

Emotion pours out from BEOMGYU constantly. He was more serious than anyone else when talking to the crew ahead of the photoshoot, and after immersing himself in the shoot, he was taken by the gloomy sentiment of the set’s blue backdrop. To everyone’s amazement, in the middle of posing for photos, the emotion he was expressing changed subtly. Afterwards, shooting group photos with the other members, the artist returned to his rambunctious 20-year-old self. And so BEOMGYU continues to find himself, navigating the waves of emotion brought on by the world.

The group dance in the concept trailer for your new album, The Chaos Chapter: FREEZE, is amazing. You said this about the group choreography: “I still think it’s easier than anything else. I guess it just takes practice.” It sure doesn’t look like an easy dance. (laughs)

BEOMGYU: (laughs) There are times when you need a little luck, and other times when your abilities really do have it 100% covered. I did a performance with a basketball last year at the Golden Disc Awards and it was 50% luck, 50% practice. No matter how hard you practice, if you get bad luck and the ball bounces differently, it’s over. But anything like group dancing, where practice reduces the chance of failure—you can manage that through effort alone.

Did luck play any part in the scene you did in the “0X1=LOVESONG (I Know I Love You)” music video where you throw the lighter? (laughs)

BEOMGYU: (laughs) I had to personally throw the lighter with the inside of the car as the goal. I missed the first two times so I started making excuses to the director. “Oh, that wind came out of nowhere … This time I’ll throw it 2% softer, that’ll do it.” (laughs) But from the third time I made it every time.

You seem to have a good sense for being on camera. You look noticeably different in each of the concept photos for this album, and even the way your emotions kept changing during the Weverse Magazine shoot today was fantastic.

BEOMGYU: When I’m doing a photoshoot, I think like, It’d look great if I did it this way this time. I try to express those ideas as they come. And it’s really important to share feedback with the people you work with when you’re doing a shoot. It was best when we found some middle ground between what I had in mind and what the director wanted.

You really take the lead when you work. What kind of opinions do you usually share?

BEOMGYU: I think I know me well, so I tend to be open about my thoughts on hair and makeup. Which side of my face photographs better changes day to day. If my right side’s my good side that day, I ask them to part my hair so that it shows off that side better, or if my hair’s parted in a weird way then I ask them to touch that part up first. So I always feel sorry, but it comes with the job so I have to say what I have to say. (laughs) If you talk it out that way you’ll find good middle ground.

There were a lot of parts where you had to take the lead in the choreography for “0X1=LOVESONG (I Know I Love You),” featuring Seori. You had to fill the gaps with gestures and expression while dancing and holding a microphone.

BEOMGYU: That song’s harder without a microphone now. (laughs) It’s a really emotional song, so it isn’t hard to express it. For this song, at least, I thought it would be better if we didn’t dance perfectly in sync. So I suggested we try to match up our movements just the bare minimum between us and not worry about details down to the fingertips. When you dance, your emotions are laid bare, but everyone has a different way of expressing themselves. I thought my feelings wouldn’t come across if I stayed too close to the beat.

This song shows love more feverishly than any other TOMORROW X TOGETHER song. How did you interpret that feeling?

BEOMGYU: When I first heard the song, I was heartbroken. I never ran away with friends like in the music video, but I think I know what it feels like to want to be loved. After our debut I became distant for a little while. I didn’t make friends other than the group members, even though I knew exactly how good it feels to make new friends. I hid myself away despite knowing that. I thought the song was similar to that feeling of longing for relationships. I get emotional at the end of that song every time we perform it. It’s a song that makes you bare your emotions. (laughs)

How did you try to express that feeling when you were recording?

BEOMGYU: There’s a line in the chorus that goes, “Say you love me.” I think that line tells you everything you need to know about the song. I happened to end up recording that part. I wanted you to feel me saying, Please keep on loving me. That’s something you might say while crying, or if you’re really sad you might even laugh in a weird way. Sadness takes many forms, so I tried to express a kind of longing instead of just basic sadness.

You also helped write the lyrics for other songs off this album: “What if I had been that PUMA” and “No Rules.”

BEOMGYU: I wrote a lot of lyrics and music while we were getting this album ready. It’s been a while since I worked on anything so it was fun. Writing songs is one way that I can express what I’m feeling. They didn’t make it onto this album, but I also wrote some songs in a totally different style.

What do you usually write about?

BEOMGYU: I’m focused on the idea of everyday life. There’s this one thing I always do: If I had a hard day, I look up at the sky and sigh. It’s my way of saying, Brush it all off—you made it through the day. I’m trying to write a lot about my life like that. The musical reference point is C’est si bon. (laughs) I don’t think I’m anywhere close to being trendy. Anyway, that kind of old music isn’t very exciting, but I think it has a unique charm.

And yet you posted on Weverse not long ago [on May 24] that you wanted to listen to some music on cassette tapes. (laughs)

BEOMGYU: Someone gave me a cassette tape when I went to shoot something a while ago. So I took it back with me and wondered if music still comes out on tape. I looked online but I couldn’t find anything. So I’m wondering how to find tapes, and realize, This is exactly what Weverse is for! So I turned straight to MOA and asked them. (laughs) It sounds like they only release them as special editions.

I heard you usually use wired earphones when you listen to music, for the sound quality. But what is it about cassette tapes that’s so alluring to you?

BEOMGYU: It’s the bad sound quality that’s alluring. (laughs) LPs and tapes—they’re crackly, and the way the sound skips is all intriguing.

You’ve really got a thing for analog! Is there a reason you like things from the past?

BEOMGYU: A while back I was sleeping and woke up, left my room for a little bit and then came back in. It reminded me of when I used to nap on Sundays and the smell of my family’s home came back to me. (laughs) I think it’s important to keep building up lovely memories like that. Sometimes I think about how I always used to listen to the radio when I was little or get video tapes for Christmas and stick them in and watch them. Stuff like that makes me even happier now. It can be sad and a little upsetting how you can’t hold onto the past, but at the same time I’m grateful there’s things that let me relive those memories.

You talked a lot about your love of radio on DAY6’s Kiss the Radio too.

BEOMGYU: I wanted to do night radio for forever. I was really energized during my three weeks on radio. I ended up being on right when I needed the support the most. I was comforting myself more just by talking about myself.

Why did you need support at that time?

BEOMGYU: I have a tendency to block painful memories out quickly, so I don’t remember any details of what I was feeling at the time. (laughs) But I was feeling uncertain about myself and kept thinking I wasn’t good enough.

On the first day you were on the radio, you wrote the following on Weverse: “Well, I’ve been having a lot of thoughts lately. How do others see me? Am I someone who others can lean on in times of need? I’ve been thinking about these things a lot.”

BEOMGYU: Everyone changes, you know. When I was 18, and when I was 19, and every year, if not every month, my values and my personality keep changing. Who am I? Am I happy? I kept tossing those kinds of questions around and struggling with them back then. I guess I was stuck in a rut at the time. (laughs)

Have you since found answers to those questions?

BEOMGYU: I haven’t solved all the questions, but you’re growing whenever you ask yourself questions like that. It’s good in hindsight. (laughs) One thing I realized was that I want to take care of the people around me more than I want to take care of myself. Even if it’s a little inconvenient for me, I tend to think I can be happy so long as the other person’s happy.

Is anything different since you changed your mindset?

BEOMGYU: Actually, I still have some lingering concerns from time to time. In a sense, sometimes you might not be giving yourself enough love. But after I changed my way of thinking, I felt better. I used to be kind of sensitive and got hurt easily, but now if someone says something emotionally driven to me I don’t get hurt and accept what they say if I really need to. Now I think to myself first—before you say anything, whether you’re letting your emotions get ahead of you, what purpose the thing you’re about to say serves, and if you’ll regret it if you do.

You might also say it’s a process of finding yourself. And during 2021 DREAM WEEK Youth Assembly, you said, “Now I’m not sure who I am. So, I guess I’m still searching.”

BEOMGYU: That’s hard. I can’t tell you for certain who I am, even now. I think I’m the kind of person who lives a tired life from thinking too much. (laughs) When I introduce myself these days, I just say I’m BEOMGYU. People aren’t required to explain themselves as a role they play. In TOMORROW X TOGETHER I might be seen as reliable to some member, and I might be the funny one to another. What I mean is, I just want to be who I am, not defined by any role.

When I look at TOMORROW X TOGETHER, I don’t get a sense of any of you having any specific roles.

BEOMGYU: Right. It’s really nothing like that. (laughs) We’ve been together for a long time, but the older members don’t see themselves as having any kind of authority, and neither do the younger ones. But everyone respects an unspoken rule. You have to know when to back down. (laughs) We’re like good friends: all the members are really kind and accept one another for who they are.

In the V LIVE you did on your birthday, TAEHYUN said, “It’s Dad! I’m home!” when he came in. (laughs)

BEOMGYU: I pretended like I was in a bad mood that day, but I was actually feeling good inside. (laughs) It was cute the way they came in one by one. Between the members and MOA, I really ended up with great companions. I can go to them any time I’m feeling down.

You saw your fans for the first time in a very long time recently, at FANLIVE SHINE X TOGETHER.

BEOMGYU: I’d been feeling so lonely and then I got to see MOA right at that moment when I missed them most. I guess I had been really sad. We worked so hard and we grew up a lot during that time, but we still couldn’t meet with MOA so I started to call into question why I was doing it all. And then I cried just because we could finally perform in person for MOA. I got a huge boost of energy from being up there in front of MOA even though the rule was they could only clap and not cheer. (laughs)

I’m sure MOA felt the same way. As you said yourself on Weverse, MOA is your best friend.

BEOMGYU: It’s really fascinating. There’s seriously a lot of MOA who share the exact same concerns I had. They’re worried about their friendships, and there were even people with the same worries I told you about earlier. But I think it’s for the best that I dealt with those things first. (laughs) I’d rather share my feelings and talk with MOA than give advice to them. That’s what best friends are for, right? Way easier to talk openly with than regular friends. I’m very open when I write my diary and I’m thankful for how open MOA are with me.

You also recommended Ariana Grande’s song “pov” to them, which is about someone who wants to love themselves the way they’re loved by others.

BEOMGYU: Yes, I did. That song is incredibly similar to my own experiences. There I was, trying to figure out a way to take a little better care of myself, when suddenly this song popped up on YouTube. So I posted it to share my own worries and to share it with the MOA who have similar concerns.

You said on Kiss the Radio that you normally choose music for your profile based on how you’re feeling. At the time you said you felt nothing and so you didn’t have any music either, but what about now? Do you have a song on there?

BEOMGYU: It’s that song. Ariana Grande’s “pov.” (laughs)

You’ve already started to “love myself”. (laughs)

BEOMGYU: It’s hard, but I’m trying. (laughs)

[bukojuiice]

25 lives — katsuki bakugo

ೃ  pairing: pro! hero katsuki bakugo x fem! reader

ೃ  tags: alternate universe/time traveler au,  a lot of angst, fluff but the sentimental and nostalgic kind, flashbacks, bakugo travels through so many parallel worlds just to find you.

ೃ  warnings: strong language. wc: 4,764 words

ೃ  my nav  →  my mha writing masterlist  → my katsuki bakugo x reader smau 

ೃ i created a spotify playlist for this fic, feel free to listen to it while reading here!

ೃ  please do reblog if you enjoyed!! it really helps writers and content creators on tumblr!  if you want to be a part of my mha taglist. send me an ask!  ♡

 ೃ  Heavily Inspired by one of my favorite written poetry/prose of all time, 25 Lives by Tongari. The poem will be heavily referenced and mentioned in this fic!  The lines from said poem can be identified [❝ like this❞.]

 ೃ After losing the love of his life in a brutal villain incident, Katsuki Bakugo had lost a part of him. Nothing and no one could ever bring her back. He became the shell of a person he once was; fiery, bright, and the driven #2 Pro-hero in the country. He continues to live life with guilt, all hope still lost until he is gifted a time device that can transport him to parallel universes, dimensions and alternate worlds, where he begins his quest to find his lost love. Crossing a hundred of realities and living twenty-five lifetimes just to bring her back into his arms.

“Stars die. they die and they are not sorry

No matter how much the moon says otherwise.

Stars die and your whole galaxy explodes.”

For the majority of Katsuki Bakugo’s life, he is the main star of the show.

Then, you came into his life and made everything else feel like a rehearsal.

In a world where he mostly treated everyone in his life as extras, you were the main heroine.

When he put up walls around himself, you brought them crashing down.

To him, the concept of love and loving someone romantically was foreign. It always came to him as a question, If whether or not love was something worth living for and sacrificing for, giving your half to another person to be whole, when he can already live for himself.

It was always a question… until you became the answer.

 “Use my new baby wisely! Okay, Bakugo-san!?”

Hatsume Mei, a schoolmate of Katsuki back in his UA days, warned him cautiously. She was now an esteemed scientist, one of the best in the country. Katsuki was the first one to come into her mind when she finally completed her new invention, a gadget that can transfer a person’s soul and being to a different body; one in a different space time continuum.

It was as if living a new and different life.

In another universe.

The concept of the device was pretty straight-forward. You are able to go to different dimensions and live the life of your other self; then if it wasn’t the world you wanted to live in, you are free to disappear and go to another parallel universe. It raised skepticism at first and it sounded too good to be true, as how could something as extravagant and complex as this become possible? But they were living in a world full of heroes with the most unique and bizarre quirks, so why can’t it be possible?

This was his chance.

Maybe, with this, he can bring back (Y/N)…

All along, there had been hope.

He was finally going to see her again.

His thoughts bring him back to the day of the incident.

What was reported to be a regular villain attack, escalated into something that no one could expect.

She was the only casualty-

 And he was a minute too late.

Was he not fast enough? What could have happened if he had gotten there in time? Hundreds of hundreds of scenarios of what could’ve been still continue to haunt him until this very day, what could have happened if he had only arrived there earlier to save her? The things he would do to see her beautiful face and feel her calming presence once more, to see the loving woman he went back to after a tiring day, to pepper kisses on, to be dancing with in the kitchen at 2 am, to be the sharing the first cup of coffee with in the morning, the one to wake up to every single morning…

The one whom you’d share the rest of your life with.

But, now… that life was gone.

Seeing your limp and unmoving body surrounded by debris was the most devastating experience and image he had to see and go through in his entire life.

He could do nothing but hold you in his arms, gritting his teeth, tears streaming down from his cheeks, feeling nothing but frustration and powerlessness as the world came crashing down on him.

 “Dammit (Y/N!) Why you? Why did it have to be you?”

Your resting eyes and dormant body remain steady and… cold. Your boyfriend rests his head on your shoulder, trying to hide that he was bawling in pain and sorrow. Katsuki began to feel the weight of his emotions pulling him down, his thoughts reminding him of his past failures and mistakes, and now that this accident that met your demise became one of those said mistakes, how will he be able to recover? If he was able to overcome his demons and insecurities solely because of you, his friends, and his parental figures to guide him… will he even be able to do the same once again?

He was the #2 Pro Hero too… What will the public think of him?

After he had failed to save the one that he had loved the most?

It has been a year since then.

Katsuki’s life went on without you. 

Well, of course it did, Of course it does. It was just an ending, they told him. Not the end.

He told the general public that he had been slowly recovering and that he was able to bounce back to his usual explosive self. Still yelling, still being the competitive and pompous ass he is, even as a Pro-hero. But his friends and family weren’t dumb. Kirishima, his closest confidante knew there was something wrong with him. His parents noticed too that he still wasn’t himself. All of them did.

They all knew Katsuki still hasn’t recovered from the incident at all.

I mean, who would right?

It was perfectly normal to mourn. It was part of the healing process. The Pro Hero Dynamight still can’t move on and that feeling was valid. It takes time to fully heal and he had already made it clear time and time again that he will never ever love someone like the way he loved (Y/N).

But, if there was a way to bring her back, then he wanted to take that chance.

When Izuku heard of news from Hatsume Mei’s newest invention, Katsuki’s green-haired childhood friend immediately told him about it.

Although he was unsure at first, the quirky scientist assured him to wait a little bit more for the trials of the device to finish if he wasn’t sure about it. And when her test subject came back safely, bringing home their lost relative from another universe, that was when Katsuki became sure of his plans.

This was the key to bring (Y/N) back.

It wasn’t going to be easy but he would do absolutely everything just to see you again.

And with that, the day of his world-jumping adventure (literally) had finally arrived.

Bidding farewell to his family and friends, a small gut feeling inside of him says that this might be the last time he’ll ever see them again… and so, in the most Katsuki Bakugo fashion ever, he thanked everyone present that day… indirectly. He expressed appreciation to those who supported him and helped him throughout his life.

Now, it was his time to find the girl who had been there for him the most.

(through his darkest times and saddest nights, she was the ray of sunshine.)

He took a deep breath, turning to his loved ones one last time, a solemn nod yet the cheekiest smirk present on his face as he disappears, whisked away to another world.

The parallel universes that he was going through dropped him into different years of his life. So, Bakugo had to adapt to knowing what age his other self was in the timeline he was currently in. He was lucky that most of the time he landed in a world and at the time where he was a student at UA.

The time where he originally met you.

He needed to take note of every world he had been too because not only were each and every one so different. Katsuki wasn’t a poetic person (his vocabulary mostly composed of colorful words.) but as he continued to jump through so many parallel universes, he had begun to take note of the ones that stood out to him the most. In the form of a poem, one that he thought you would appreciate when he finally reunites with you. Another you at least.

[❝ The very first time I remember you, you are blonde and don’t love me back.❞

✧  This is the first parallel universe in where you were an upperclassman. From Class 3-A. A friend of Nejire, one of the big three. Katsuki was so delighted to see you, only for you to not know him. He was currently one of the most popular students in UA, of course he is, but you paid him no attention, passing by him in the hallways as if he was just another regular freshman, instead, you were seen holding hands with some slimey-looking guy that Katsuki has never ever seen in school. This wasn’t you. Or, at least, this wasn’t the (Y/N) he was looking for. This was only the first parallel world. He wasn’t going to give up.

[❝  The next time you are brunette, and you do.❞ ]

✧ Unrequited love. What a stupid cliché. In this world, he was an idiot too far up his own ass, whilst the entirety of Class 1-A loathed him and did not look up to him like the way they did in his original world. Katsuki was so caught up in trying to change his personality, that he failed to notice you. The girl who was always in the back of the classroom, looking out the window. You were always just there. Never noticed. Admiring him from afar.

[❝ After a while I give up trying to guess if the color of your hair means anything. because even if you don’t exist, I am always in love with you. ❞ ]

✧  This was practically the same world that Katsuki originated from. Only you were missing. Every single event that transpired in his life, had happened in this parallel universe. The USJ Incident, The Forest Camp Training, The Trip to to Nabu Island… everything. There was this huge empty space that you were supposed to fill. Except, you didn’t exist in this universe. It was the quietness and the lack of your presence in this world that bothers him. Katsuki wonders how this other self of his could continue this life without you in the picture.

[❝ I remember most fondly those lifetimes where we get to grow up together, when you share your secrets and sorrows and hiding places with me. ❞ ]

✧  This universe surprised him with puppy love. Here, he was brought back to his childhood. You were his dearest friend and childhood sweetheart. The three of you along with Deku, were a trio. At a very young age, you kept his feet on the ground, never wanting him to think that he was above everyone else despite his powerful quirk. The young Bakugo was able to share his frustrations and insecurities to you, while you always listened. You were always there. He talked about his quirk and his complaints about how the other kids only liked him for his powers, but not for who he actually is. You continued to support him and love him wholesomely for who he was and he was glad to have a friend like you and…. Deku. (as much as he didn’t want to admit it 

However, it ended there. The two of you lying down on the hill, looking up at the stars, and shyly holding hands. Just randomly faded away. And in a blink of an eye, the timeline shifts forward to middle school. His worst years, he would say.

He was so eager to see you again and hopefully remain friends with Izuku after all this time.

Yet, you were nowhere to be found and… Izuku wasn’t his friend anymore.

Apparently, the two of you became distant after graduating elementary because you moved away and never got into contact with him ever again.

This was too heartbreaking for this universe’s Bakugo. To have such a wonderful and healthy social life when he was a kid, only for all of that to just disappear when he started middle school. On to the next parallel world then.

[❝ I love how you play along with my bad ideas, before you grow up and realize they are bad ideas. And in our times together I have many bad ideas.❞ ]

✧  The Sludge Villain. A very traumatizing experience that still haunts Katsuki until this very day. In this world, you were still friends with him. Always following him around and making sure he didn’t get into trouble. He continuously pushes you away, telling you that he didn’t need you and you shouldn’t be controlling of him.

You finally had enough of his arrogance that day and… got into an argument with him.  It was the same day as the Sludge Villain incident.

It happened in this universe too.

After he was captured by said villain, you ran after him, tears welling up in your eyes, wanting to reach out and save him. The sludge villain noticed you, and became more interested in your quirk, targeting you instead. All Might was a little too late and…

The incident led you to losing your quirk and having to live in a hospital for the rest of your years.

It felt like a long bad dream. One that reminded him of your demise in his original world. Bakugo immediately teleported to a different parallel universe. Not wanting to deal with that kind of sadness ever again.

[❝ When we meet as adults you’re always much more discerning. I don’t blame you. Yet, always, you forgive me.❞ ]

✧ In this universe, you were in the same hero agency. Not knowing each other prior to this. Bakugo was the new hotshot that all the other heroes in your agency were going crazy about, just because he was from UA and was attractive. You didn’t get the hype and why everyone else was fawning over him. He was a Pro-hero just like all of you. So, when you finally met him in the flesh, you could immediately tell he was a conceited ass by the way he looked at you and by the way he presented himself.

Unbeknownst to you, Dynamight’s heart was fluttering with happiness at the sight of seeing you again. Your Pro-hero self. Caring, Bad-ass, Confident, and Courageous… It was you.

Almost you.

After being partnered up with him in hero work for the past months, he began to turn soft, a bit annoying, and act flustered whenever you were around which you immediately thought was very out of character for him.

Then he confesses.

You said no.

It just didn’t feel right. First, your hero career was more important to you and you just couldn’t reciprocate those feelings back. The two of you weren’t for each other, and he understood that. He left you for a moment to go get get some “fresh air.”

Bakugo was getting frustrated. His mind going hazy at the thought that he’s gone to so many parallel worlds yet still haven’t found you is slowly beginning to take a toll on him. But he still wasn’t going to give up.

[❝ As if you understand what’s going on, and you’re making up for all the lifetimes in which one of us doesn’t exist, and the ones where we just, barely, never meet. I hate those. I prefer the ones in which you kill me.❞ ]

✧  The next alternate worlds he went to were an absolute mess. One of them where the two of you barely meet. Merely passing by each other in the street, opening the door for you or entering the same convenience store. Fate not wanting the two of you to meet. Like magnets being pulled away from each other. A romance movie without the romance. As if telling Katsuki that the two of you were never meant to meet in this universe. Don’t even bother.

Then there’s the other one where you were a merciless villain and he was a pro-hero who had to defeat you. He couldn’t do that. You overpowered him.

But, hey, at least he got to see you as the girl who didn’t put up with his shit and could care less about him. Not to mention you were a part of the organization that was against everything that he stood for as a hero.

It was a tragedy. Not the Romeo and Juliet kind, but reminiscent of it. With Romeo sacrificing his life, yet Juliet remains the same and indifferent.

[❝ But when all’s said and done, I’d surrender to you in other ways. Even though each time, I know I’ll see you again, I always wonder is this the last time? Is that really you? And what if you’re perfectly happy without me?❞ ]

✧ Bakugo was finally teleported to a reality where he was a high school student again. However, he wasn’t studying in UA. Instead, having to go to a regular high school (which he was totally irritated about because why is his parallel self here going to a regular school in the first place? What happened to him?) The two of you pass by each other on your way home. Going off in different directions. You were a student at UA, laughing and mindlessly chatting with his friends. Mina, Kirishima, Denki, and Sero…

All of you barely even noticing him and acknowledging his presence.

At this moment, he realized that maybe you weren’t meant to meet in this world again. He felt like a simple character in the background. A small speck of dust in your universe. God, why was he thinking this? This wasn’t like him. He slowly lost his confidence as he goes from one parallel world to the next to find you. He couldn’t even motivate and give himself pep talks anymore. Has he reached the breaking point? Is he still even himself? Is he still Katsuki Bakugo?

Maybe, he should just give up trying at this point. Every single alternate reality so far all ended in tragedy. Not once were the two of you able to reconcile and have a happy ending. It was not like him to give up, but the chances at this point were slim and in each alternate universe, Bakugo just become more and more disappointed with how things turned out with your other-worldly selves…

It was as if the only universe where the two of you became happy was in his original world.

Was he going to stop here?

[❝ Ah, but I don’t blame you; I’ll never burn as brilliantly as you. It’s only fair that I should be the one to chase you across ten, twenty-five, a hundred lifetimes.❞ ]

✧  This was it. The twenty-fifth parallel world. Hopefully, the last one that he has to go to and hopefully the one where he finally he finds you.

Bakugo jumps into the portal, expecting the vibrant colors and hues of the city to appear around him, only for him to be transported to a white box.

In the middle of this white void was a cherry blossom tree. Blooming in the prettiest pink colors, and swaying with the non-existent wind. Near it was a small bench. A feminine figure sitting on it, facing the tree.

It was you.

You.

Katsuki knows it’s you because it’s the same dress you wore that day.

A beautiful blue dress that the two of you bought when you were out for some errands. It was the kind of blue that reminded you of the sky, which is why you bought it in the first place. You were saving it for that day, to wear when you visit Katsuki at work and drop him off his bento lunch.

That day.

Instead of a sky reflecting off of your dress, it became grey. Like the color of a storm instead.

He remembers fondly what happened at that same morning. He was getting ready for hero work, whilst you were rummaging for something inside the closet.

“Ahah!” You exclaimed, finally pulling out something to wear. The sound of the wardrobe hangers clinking from the inside.

Katsuki wanted to take a peek of you but you were giving him no chances. You see him trying to take a look when you noticed his blonde hair spiking up more than usual.

“Hey! No peeking!” You giggled, hiding yourself even further inside your closet.

“Gah. Come on! Just one?” He groans, teasing you, trying his best to pull out his puppy tone. “Please?”

“No.” You deadpanned seriously and you could practically feel him pop a vein.

“Hey! What was that for!? I was just joking-“

“I was just joking too you weirdo.” You giggled again, stepping out of the closet. You take a deep breath and straighten your dress, twirling around for him to see. “How do I look?”

He dashes towards you, picking you up from the ground as he begins to twirl you around.

“Katsuki! Put me down!” You chuckle, feeling his strong arms wrapped around you. “You’re going to be late for work!” You tap his back lightly, trying to get him to put you back on the ground.

“You’re beautiful. You always are.” He says seriously. Not a tinge of playfulness or abrasive in his voice. He was still holding you up, but positioned you in a way that the both of your faces were inches away from each other, gazing at each other’s eyes.

The both of you lean in for a sweet and blissful kiss. It felt light and comforting. A feeling that you always have whenever you were with him. A very giddy feeling.

And at that same day, when he saw you again, surrounded by darkness, your eyes closed, your body tranquil and your gentle face looking ever so at peace…

You still looked beautiful, even then.

“Suki-kun.” You wave at him from afar, a solemn smile present on your face. You beckon him to sit next to you but he hesitates.

“(Y/N)…” His voice cracks, not really noticeable, but you could hear it. “Tch… are you.. real? Is this really you?”

“It’s me, love.” You continue to show him your smile. As you blink, you were suddenly caught in his arms. Katsuki was hugging you tightly like there was no tomorrow, his head nestled on your shoulder. His hug felt warm yet cold, like he had been hugging skeletons all this time whilst trying to find you.

You had no words to say to him.

It was just that kind of moment.

Hearing your voice, hugging you tight, holding your hand, and seeing your smile was enough for him at the moment.

This was you.

Actually you.

“It seemed like a lifetime ago when I began searching for you.” He whispered softly, his voice still so rough yet loving all the same.  

A lifetime of pain and sorrow. Of disappointment and missed opportunities.

“Ah…” Your voice trails off. “We don’t have much time left.”

“Huh? What the hell do you mean?” You untangle yourself from his arms, cupping his cheek and rubbing your thumb whilst he holds your hand still.

“I-I can’t go back to our original universe.” You mumble, trying to fight back the tears and continuing to caress his face. “We can’t go back together.”

“(Y/N)!” Bakugo’s face goes stern, as realization hits him. “Shit! (Y/N)! Look, We can get out of here okay!? There’s this device I have-“ The device on his wrist dissolves into nothing as the room around you begins to be consumed by darkness, like sucking you into a black hole.

“Katsuki… no. It’s hopeless! We can’t-“

“Damn it (Y/N)! I’ve traveled through every fucking imaginable universe possible just to find you again! I’ve gone through hell and back just to see you again! I’m not going to leave without you!”

Before you could answer his rebuttal, the bench that both of you were sitting on vanishes and now the two of you were falling in an endless black hole.

As this parallel world around you began spinning faster and faster, the two of you floated upwards, hands locked tightly together, and your eyes sad and bewildered.

The two of you watched as your faces grew younger back to your high school years, like this universe was going in reverse, moving the both of you backwards in time.

You were still holding onto Katsuki’s hands, trying to savor the last few moments with him as you began to say your goodbyes, tears coursing down your face.

“Katsuki… I know you had seen things you wish you hadn’t. You have done things you wish you could take back and I know you’ve been wondering why you’ve been thrown into all of this, why you had to suffer the way you did and why you had to go through so much just to find me. The ghost of me. And as you were going through all these alternate universes alone and hurting, I wish I could tell you that it’s okay. Even if you don’t find me again, I will always be here. My presence will always be lingering. I will live in your heart, Katsuki Bakugo. You deserve the whole world for traveling through twenty-five lifetimes just to look for me. I love you with all my heart, my soul, my being, and all that is left of me… I love you.”

“I-I love you too. Through all these lifetimes I’ve spent with another you, you will always be the one.” Katsuki mumbled, pulling you for one last kiss.

A kiss ever so soft and sweet, worth all the lives he’s experienced.

“Let’s meet again in another lifetime.”

Time continued to reverse back, to the point you no longer knew who you were with. Their face being blocked by a gleam of light. You were grasping the hands of a stranger, but you didn’t let go. And neither did they.

For a moment, there was a calming presence. A whole new world was opening up like a vortex, swallowing the both of you…

Into a whole new universe.

“(Y/N)-chan! Wait up!”

“Oh? Ochaco-chan!”

The brown-haired girl catches up to you, holding on to your arm as she catches her breath. “Can you believe it’s our first day in UA!?”

“I can’t believe it either!” You giggle along with her, taking in the sight that was the top hero academy of Japan.

It was finally the month of April.

The Cherry blossoms were blooming, symbolizing a time of renewal, a time for change and a time to turn over a new leaf.

Today is your first day in UA  Academy.

You still haven’t even grasped the fact that you even got in the first place.

Everything still feels so surreal.

The entrance exams and the excitement you felt whilst waiting for the results to release and now, you were about to step foot into the school of your dreams?

What an amazing start to your high school life indeed.

You and Ochaco were standing in the middle of the walkway, still in awe of all the pretty sights when someone bumped into you.

“Hey! Watch where you’re going!” You called out.

No response.

You turn to take a good look at the person who knocked against you and it was… a guy.

Blonde. Spiky Hair. Hand in his Pockets. Earphones on. His pants worn loose.

God, what a dork.

“It’s alright (Y/N)-chan! He probably didn’t hear us.” Ochaco assured you, trying to pull you away from him before you could even start a fight.

You sighed, turning to your friend with a smile. “Fine. Fineee. Shall we head to class?”

“Class 1-A! Here we go!” She holds onto your arm once more as the both of you giggle and hop your way into the classroom.

“Ochaco-chan! What are you saying!? You do know I got sorted into a different class right? I’m in Class 1-B!”

“A-ah! You’re right! I’m sorryyyy (Y/N)-chan!”

Bakugo turns his head to look back at your animated figure walking behind him. He stares at you for a good second whilst readjusting the earphone on his left ear, as he too, heads on his way to his Class 1-A.

There is something so delicate about time, so fragile. In a slight moment, you can miss something so pivotal, yet never have the chance to see or witness it ever again.

 Feeling the presence of the person you would be spending the rest of your life with, joining the dots in the sky, and wondering when your stars would align.

Until then, you will dream of him, and he will do the same. 

It was only a matter of time. You will cross paths again.

[❝ until I find the one where you’ll return to me.❞ ]

- Fin.

ೃ taglist: @chibishae34​ @sparkykatsuki​ @ramunegoddess, @serossimpy @drinktheramune​

[shimmershae]

My thoughts on Episode 7--Promises Broken

Placed behind a cut for those of you that would rather escape my babbling, lol.  You’re welcome.  

The episode opens with Maggie, Elijah, Father Gabe, and Negan.  

Right away I can’t help feeling disappointed because the emotional core of last episode (Kelly and Connie’s reunion and the aftermath) seems like it’s being ignored and punted further down the road so we can waste another hour getting piece meal progress on the Reaper front, but I’m going to try to push my misgivings away and enjoy this episode for what it is, so.  

“Daryl just told us to go home.”  

And save your hides and keep the rest of the community safe?  I can’t argue that Negan might have an actual point here, lol.  But Maggie sure can.  

Not gonna lie.  When Negan came back with “I think he was being subtle. He said they were armed with lookouts” I had to LOL.  

“We will never be even.”  I mean.  Maggie been frustrating me with her stubbornness in this suicide mission, true.  But she right.  They will never, ever be even.  

“Ya’ll know Blackbeard, too?”  I admit it.  I laughed.  A little.  

Okay.  I don’t know if this bodes well for this episode or not, but the cold opening in this episode?  Was the most underwhelming cold open of this season.  

At least the opening credits still give me that old familiar rush of the heyday of TWD.  

Fake Stephanie and Eugene are on Walker clean up duty.  Hmm.  I think I’m going to refer to Fake Stephanie as Fifi until she gets a real name for brevity’s sake.  

Fifi handles herself surprisingly well with the Walkers.  Is she one of Mercer’s stormtroopers working undercover maybe?  

Somehow I doubt it’s true that our friends can trust “Lance” but whatever, lol.  

I hate to admit it but I’m already kind of bored with this episode.  We’re barely over 6 minutes in.  

I didn’t recognize Princess without her fluffy pink coat!  

Zeke is definitely struggling.  

I do like that these two  have been paired up.  They have taken to each other quickly and already have a good rapport.  There’s something endearing about their scenes together.  

“Never been afraid of hard work.  Kinda anti-friends who die from stubbornness.”  Have I mentioned lately how much I love Princess?  Because I really, really do.  

So it’s been days.  Has it been days that Maggie and Negan and Co. have been outrunning the Reapers?  I’m talking since they left the safe house.  Does that mean that it’s also been days since Kelly and Connie’s reunion?  This timeline is so slow and yet they keep telling us it’s been days and making me think we’ve been missing time.  Like I can’t even.  

You know Carol’s “Pookie is in danger” senses have to be big-time tingling by now if it’s been DAYS.  

Also?  Alden almost certainly has to be dead.  

But I digress.  They obviously don’t want us getting hung up on the apparent time warp between ASZ, Meridian, and the Commonwealth.  It’s like the Bermuda Triangle of the ZA.  

“A person with your pedigree...”  

Okay then.  Commonwealth is full of uppity assholes.  Good to know.  

Yumiko looks classy!  I say that in my best Princess voice, lol.  

Well.  At least they’ve given Daryl Dog back.  Has Dog come to his senses though?  That is the question.  

Daryl sharing a smoke with the enemy to gain some intel.  Or maybe just the keys to food storage.  

So.  Another redshirt (Elijah’s sister’s friend) we don’t know bites the dust.  Meh.  Including that tidbit in the trailer was purposefully misleading, lol.  Not that I want people to die, but still.  

“But the one?  He’s mine.”  Let’s take bets.  Was it Carver Elijah has a beef with because it just seems like it was.  Could also be that his name is the only one I know, lol.  

Where is Maggie sending our hobbled Father G?  

“I kept my mask for practical and sentimental reasons.”  Negan?  You almost had me.  He really can’t help his inherent asshole-ishness can he?  

But seriously.  Yuck at what they about to do because I assume Alpha and Co. at least cured the nasty skins.  

I wish I could say I give a damn that they’re attempting to give Leah some more likeable layers but it’s a cheap cheat so naw.  

There’s that damn river that symbolizes the great divide between Daryl and his love and his family.  At least it’s pretty.  

I’m with Daryl.  Is Pope just looking to cleanse the earth of those he doesn’t feel belong or what?  Wheedle the truth out of her, Daryl.  

“You never needed anyone to make you strong.”  

Think our guy has ever said this to his real girl?  

It’s kinda funny that the Whisperer flunkie is now the herding Whisperer tutor.  

Is that the Reaper’s version of a priest?  Sorry.  I swear.  I’ve been trying to pay attention during their scenes.  But my mind wanders because it feels like Woodbury and the Sanctuary all over again.  The Whisperers at least were elevated by Samantha Morton, Ryan Hurst, Thora Birch, and yes, Jeffrey Dean Morgan.  Like I love Norman Reedus and the character he’s crafted in Daryl but he’s not enough to have me enthralled with Leah and these dudes.  I don’t care if they were all Calendar pinups before the ZA.  

Truly.  A+ casting with Yumiko’s brother.  

Yeah.  Something’s definitely fishy about Tomi’s reluctance to go back to his old life in the Commonwealth, but the desire for a slower, less stressful existence is definitely relatable so I’m not going to hold that part against him at all.  

What did Maggie say after Elijah asked if Negan had changed?  Because I replayed it a handful of times and still don’t know.  

This Lancy Hornsby dude reeks of slimy politician.  

Too much one on one Daryl and Leah in this episode.  Without any kind of chemistry at least these two drag each other and their parts of the episode down.  Leah’s character is a fail for me and it has nothing to do with shipping reasons.  She’s just not believable or authentic to her role as a mercenary.  

“If I could do it all over again, I’d have killed every single one of you.”  Damn.  Well.  He’s being true to himself, I guess.  Unapologetically Negan.  

Again.  I can’t say Negan’s wrong exactly but shit does he deliver some uncomfortable truths.  

Princess’s childlike delight over treats is <3.  

Look at Eugene running toward danger!  OG Eugene would never.  Abe would be so proud.  

Eugene and Fifi actually work pretty good together but it all feels so staged.  I feel sorry for our guy.  

“This guy was being, well, an asshole.”  LMAO @ Josh’s delivery. The asshole definitely deserved that punch and his date deserved to be eaten.  

Real Stephanie is so pretty.  

Aww.  She’s concerned about Eugene.  

Oh shit.  Eugene punched Pamela Milton’s little entitled prick of a son.  This feels like the ASZ Monroes all over again.  Sorry.  I can’t remember their names.  

Poor Eugene.  Have I said that already?  

Is this Lance Hornsby guy the lesser of two evils or...”  

All the chances you’ve gotten, hmm?  Seems to me they’ve been set up for some failure too, though.  

Maggie and Negan leading a herd where?  Meridian?  

That poor woman.  Just wanting her family safe and spared of seeing her meet her maker.  

f

So Leah’s not completely cold.  Okay.  Doesn’t mean she’s able to be saved though.  

At this point, Kang is just  yanking Daryl’s chain and ours in the process.  

Even hidden behind that skin mask, Elijah made me tear up when he saw his sister.  

No previews?  What a copout.  

Not Kang correlating Maggie and Negan to child and coach, lol.  

The narrative they keep pushing about the villains having families and FEELINGS doesn’t change much for me, Angela.  Gracie was the only innocent in that outpost Team Family attacked.  I’m not saying they should have done it but stop trying to make the bad guys sympathetic.  It isn’t earned.  

Interesting how she mentions Gabe is trying so very hard to hold onto faith.  

If Leah’s the frog boiling in that pot?  They better be serving frog legs to the starving community she’s hunting.  Just saying.  

Overall impression of this episode?  

It was boring.  No seriously.  

I wish I could say I liked it better but it was just meh.  I can’t even muster up any words because I just feel blah about it and that’s not a good feeling to have going into the first final (mid?  half?  tri?  I don’t know what to call it) episode of the season.  

Withholding the previews further adds to the doldrums because what is there to actually be excited about here after that episode?  At least try to pique our interest, Angela.  

[stars-are-just-ghosts]

Supernatural Isn’t Just A Show

I started watching Supernatural fifteen years ago, just like many of you. I followed the paths of two young men who hunted the evils in the world that the rest of us couldn’t have imagined on a good day. Vampires and demons and monsters. Greek gods, angels, Lucifer himself. The stories were heartfelt and humorous and dark and tender. They challenged us to see that monsters could be good, and being evil was a choice. They brought us into a reality of hope and fighting the whole world if it meant that your family was safe.

That’s what the show was really about, you see. The hunting and the laughter and the dark and everything in between was just the icing on the cake. The real story? That was family. Two brothers who came together and saved the world, again and again. Two brothers who fought side by side, and sometimes with each other, and always for what was right, even if the drawn line was hard to see. Two brothers whose devotion bled into the world around them and brought other amazing people into the fold. Two brothers who grew to have a circle of people who were the epitome of family, because ‘family don’t end with blood.’  Castiel and Charlie and Bobby and Kevin and Crowley and Jack and the list goes on. A list that extended beyond the characters, beyond the actors, beyond the show itself. One that includes you, me... JoAnn and Steven and Jeffrey.

Let me tell you about JoAnn.

Her daughter and I went to school together, a beautiful young woman named Sarah. Over the years I spent so much time at their house and with JoAnn that it was beyond easy to see them as family. And JoAnn became incredibly special to me. My mother and I have always had a strained, tumultuous relationship with very little in the way of affection. JoAnn, however, became the emotional mother I’d never had. We would laugh together (she had a killer sense of humor,) I would call her just to share something or vent (there was never a moment she wasn’t willing to listen,) she was able to hold all four of my babies after they were born (and they lovingly called her Auntie JoAnn.) And I even managed to get her addicted to Supernatural. 

She loved Dean, especially Dean’s rear end. (-wiggles brows-) 

Shortly before her first and only grandson was born, JoAnn became terminally ill and passed away. She never got to see her grandson, or hold him, or watch him grow up. I think about that all the time, especially when I see a picture of him that Sarah has posted. When I’m watching Supernatural, and Dean says something familiar or I remember a moment in the show that JoAnn particularly loved, I think about JoAnn and how much I wish she could have seen her grandbaby. And how much I wish her daughter, the lovely Sarah, could have experienced that, too. I wonder if JoAnn would have shared this show with her adorable little grandson. I miss that woman every day.

Now, let me tell you about Steven.

His father, Steve, is one of my best friends. I’ve known him for over twenty years. And when his three children were little, I used to babysit them. His son, Steven, was born with severe Cerebral Palsy. He was nonverbal, wheelchair bound, and was tube fed. But he was also the funniest, brightest, most happy boy I’d ever met. He had the most brilliant smile, and the greatest laugh. And whenever someone he loved or really liked walked into a room, his eyes would light up like stars. 

When Steven hit adulthood, I would help his Dad out when Steven was at his house. We liked to watch movies and tv shows together. And I offered up the suggestion of Supernatural. It became like tradition after that. We would all be there in the living room, Steven on the floor with his Dad, and we’d watch the episodes in order. It always made me happy, to be able to share that with them. 

About four years ago, Steven became ill, landing in the hospital. While there, his heart gave out. He passed away without ever having finished the show he had grown to love. Since then, his Dad hasn’t been able to watch anymore. It’s too painful. Too hard to think that Steven isn’t there to watch it with him. I understand completely. Because I’ll watch an old episode and remember Steven’s unabashed laughter. And I wish he was still here to watch it with us. I talked with Steve about giving it another try. He heard the show is ending soon, and I think he is finally ready to see it through, to finish it for both himself and his son. Let me tell you about Jeffrey.

Jeffrey has lived in NYC for over 20 years now. He is my big brother, and was diagnosed with different mental illnesses, including Borderline Personality Disorder. He’s still made a life for himself that makes him happy in a place I know for sure I would never survive in. (I’m a small town girl, through and through.) And it was because of my brother that I found out about GISHWHES. 

You have to understand, my brother doesn’t open up to people easily or step out of his comfort zone for just anyone or anything. But in doing this scavenger hunt? My brother walked around NYC in a robot costume, including taking the subway and walking crowded streets. He also wore a bikini made of lettuce, and not once was shy about it. He dove right in and gave it his all in order to help other people, and to this day I am still insanely proud of him for it. 

After everything he went through, from living on the subway for nearly two years (and never telling us) to going from corporate work (which he hated) to doing something he really loved (comic books, baby) to being hospitalized for suicidal tendencies to finally being diagnosed with things he had struggled with all his life but never had taken care of, and finally having a sense of mental health in a new job as a live-in dog nanny, this amazing man is finally happy. And when I think of that, I think of the video of him wandering around dressed as a robot because of GISHWHES.  Now, if you’ll bare with me... let me tell you about myself.

I am a pansexual woman married to my best friend with four amazing children. 

I have depression and anger issues that I have struggled most of life with. 

I have spent a good chunk of my adult life being a stay-at-home-mom and only now am going back to school to learn a new career. I have rescued and taken care of animals since I was 17, something my children have grown to love as well. And I am happier now than I have ever been. But it wasn’t always that way.

I had my best friend die in my arms when I was 12, that being my first experience with death and grief and unchecked anger. And I grew up a lonely kid who spent most of my time hiding how depressed I was, doing everything I could to take care of everyone else in my life, the majority of them never knowing how much I actually struggled with just living. The first love of my life was killed in a car accident when I was 16. My parents divorced when I was 17 and I dropped out of high school, working three jobs just so I wouldn’t be home with my mother. 

I was married to a selfish and controlling man at 18, had my first child at 19, second at 20, third at 23, and divorced at 23 with three small children and no job. I was terrified and didn’t know what I was going to do. Everything was up and down and inside out.

But I have a very clear memory of sitting down one night, after the kids had gone to sleep and the apartment was quiet and I was alone with nothing but my thoughts and the television… and a repeat episode of Supernatural (Season 2, Episode 16 – Roadkill) was on. (Spoilers ahead if you, by chance, have not seen this episode.)

In that moment, I was barely paying attention to it. I was a wreck, filled with guilt and fear. My face was covered in tears, and I was sobbing as I sat there and rocked with a pillow held in my grip (I oddly remember that pillow vividly because it had rough edges.) But as the episode progressed, I began to quiet. I remember listening intently to Sam and Molly as they sat on an old bed in Greeley’s home, looking at the letters he’d written to his wife. 

“It’s a love letter he wrote her… my God, it’s beautiful… I don’t understand how a guy like this can turn into a monster.” Molly said to Sam. I mirrored that sentiment, in my own way. (I know my situation wasn’t the same.) I’d married a man I’d thought I’d loved. A man I thought loved me. But his actions and selfishness lead to the downfall of our marriage, our family, and my (then) situation. But I had been the one to make the decision to end things, right? After everything he’d done, I couldn’t be with someone I couldn’t trust. And it wasn’t just about me… it was about our children. They needed a mother who was happy…

At the end of the episode, Molly is faced with the reality that she has been dead the entire time and that her husband David had already said his goodbyes, moving on without her.

“What am I supposed to do?” Molly asked, in tears.

“Just… let go. Of David. Of everything. You do that… we think you’ll move on.” Sam responded gently.

Isn’t that what I should be doing? I thought. Because by that point, I’d been stuck in grief and fear for months. I don’t think I knew it until that point, but I’d been holding onto it like a security blanket because it made sense, it seemed like I deserved it.

“But you don’t know where…” Molly responded, her voice still soft with tears.

“No... Molly, you don’t belong here. Haven’t you suffered long enough?” Sam asked. “It’s time… it’s time to go.”

I sat there in stunned silence. 

As odd as it sounds, it felt like he was talking to me. Because for years I’d tried to keep our marriage together because I thought I had to for our children. For years, I’d practically raised those three children alone. For months, I had sat in a holding pattern, waiting for my shoulders to finally break under all the weight from the failure I felt and the misery I was drowning in, doing everything I could to be a good mother with nothing to fall back on. But then I watched Molly walk into the light, tears streaming down her face, a smile ghosting across her lips, and I realized… I really had suffered long enough.

“You really think she’s going to a better place?” Dean asked after Molly moved on.

“I hope so.” Sam replied.

“I guess we’ll never know, not until we take the plunge ourselves, huh?” Dean said with half a smirk.

“Doesn’t really matter, Dean. Hope’s kind of the whole point.” Sam said.

And there it was. What I’d been missing. Hope. 

This show, these two actors, those two brothers opened my eyes to something that had been right in front of me the whole time. I didn’t know what the future would bring, I didn’t know what I was going to do next. But I was certain I had suffered enough. I was certain I needed to move on, for my children, for myself. And as the episode ended, I wiped my tears off my face, shut off the tv and kissed every one of my sleeping children a few dozen times. And I went to bed thinking about the depiction of that light, that hope.

Two years later, I married my best friend – the love of my life, a good man who never lies, never hurts me or my kids, lifts me up when I feel down, makes me laugh every day, treats me far better than I will ever think I deserve. We had a baby boy together, bringing our family to a total of four amazing kids who all call him Dad. We have our own home which we work so hard for, we have a plethora of animals who make every day adventurous, and I am finally on a career track I feel excited about. All because I decided to stop living in my suffering, and move on.

That is why this show is not ‘just a show.’ For me, anyway. Because of JoAnn and Steven and Jeffrey. Because of the hope I found with the show itself. And I know I am not alone in at least this sentiment.

Every season since, I have watched the episodes. I have followed the stories and witnessed the amazing things this fandom has done for each other and complete strangers. I have seen people’s lives changed by the show and the actors, I have been able to connect with other people I never would have known, and get closer to those I already did. I have shared this series with my children, who all love it and the main characters as much as I do.

And right now, as we get near the end of the series, I am not ashamed to admit that I am hurting. I feel a genuine heartache. A genuine loss. I feel like a part of my history is coming to a close. But like at that moment when my world was inside out and I was trapped in my own little hell, I have hope. 

I don’t know what waits for me. I never have. I don’t know what awaits any of us. But this show will never really die. The connections we’ve made, the way the stories and people have touched us… that never really goes away. 

Whether we watch Supernatural on repeat on a bad day, or follow the actors as they move on to new adventures, or get someone in our life to start watching it, this show will always be around. Just like hope. And… isn’t it like Sam said? “Hope’s kind of the whole point.”

So, hold on to hope. And message me if you’re grieving, if you need an ear from a fellow fan, or just someone to shoot Supernatural memes back and forth with. We’re a family. You, me, all of us. And I’ll always be here for you.

(P.S. I will ship Destiel till the bitter end.)

Love,

QuietDarkness (stars-are-just-ghosts)

[satsuki2406]

OPEN SKY  Bakugou Katsuki x Reader

"...And never, ever forget that, your dreams are the wings that'll help you fly."

(L/N)(Y/N) has always been forced to live according to others' expectations. As a member of the powerful and influential (L/N) Family, she has had to live with the heavy weight of seeing others write her destiny with no choice but just obey. But when (Y/N) finally decides to risk it all to take the only opportunity to regain the control of her own life, everything ends up going horribly wrong. Surrendered and disappointed, she receives one last chance to prove to herself and to U.A, along with some unexpected help that this was not a crazy and meaningless waste of time.

Maybe this plan could work after all...

PAIRING: (Bakugou Katsuki x Reader)

GENRE/WARNINGS: Romance, Fluff, Angst, Mentions of sex, My poor attempt of comedy, family dysfunctionality, Strong language (Courtesy of Lord Explosion Murder 💥), Manga Spoilers.

STATUS: On going

Chapter 1: Failure

Chapter 3: Her Start

2-Sometimes the Greatest Hero of All is a Good Friend

“The person you’ve called is unavailable, please leave a-”

“Still no answering…. You said you’ll call me right after the exam (Y/N), I hope everything is ok. What should I do now? Oh! I got it!” Swiftly, slender fingers moved over the tactile screen of her phone, anxious eyes looking for a specific contact. “Found it!” After a few rings, the other end of the line was answered.

“Good afternoon,Mizaki talking. How may I help you today?”

“Hello, may I please speak to (L/N) Xiù-san?”

“I’m sorry. (L/N)-san is busy right now. Would you like to leave a message?”

“Sure, please let her know I’m calling in regard of (Y/N), I would like to know about her.”

“Alright miss, and your name please?”

 “Yaoyorozu Momo.”

Three days have passed since the whole U.A fiasco, you were of course grounded, with no phone, no internet and completely insolated in your room. Your fever was already gone, just leaving behind a really mild sore throat. Although your body didn’t hurt anymore, your heart did, over and over again you replayed the whole thing in your mind beating your head to find out what you could have changed, what you could have done differently. It was eating you inside out. You felt like a failure and so unfortunate. How could you fail over something so silly?!

You’ve been in your bed since you arrived home that day, already numbed by all the crying you did that night, your mom’s complains, and had barely eaten. You knew that in a couple of days the response from U.A will arrive to already tell you what you knew. And after that, you’ll have no choice but go to class again for the last week of school. Thankfully there’s surely nothing you’ll have to catch up with.

But before you could sail deeper in your personal sea of self-petty, a knock on your door took you out of your rambling thoughts.

“Come in,” you said boringly.

“Sorry to disturb you (Y/N)-sama but Yaoyorozu-sama had come to visit you, do you want me to let her in or you prefer to rest a little-”

“Momo?! Oh, yes please, tell her to come in!”

“As you wish, (Y/N)-sama”

A couple of minutes later Momo entered your room escorted by the same maid. She was wearing your school uniform, by her side were two of her bodyguards, on her left, one was caring several paper grocery bags full of what looked like tons of snacks and junk food, on her right another tall and bulky man held a white cake box and some pastel-colored paper bags. You threw yourself to her and hugged her fondly. She gasped surprised by your sudden show of affection, but she immediately returned it with one of her own, melting with you in a tight embrace. “Momoo! *SNIFF* I missed you so much! I’m sorry for not answering your texts and calls but my mom took my phone away.”

“Oh, (Y/N) don’t worry I imagined something like that, I’m so sorry I couldn’t come before, but when I tried to come visit, one of the maids said your mother had prohibited it.”

“Of course she did, she feeds on my suffering” you mumbled sourly.

“Oh, don’t be like that, I know she can be-uhm…”

“Harsh? Insufferable? Unreasonable? A hag-?”

*AHEM! * Strict, she can be strict-yes! But I’m sure that she is doing it all with your best interest in mind, or I hope so…”

“Aha… not even you believe that, by the way, what’s up with all the shopping bags?” At the mention of them, she beamed, star-eyed, cheeks flushed with excitement, recalling her little adventure of the day.  

“Today I went to one of these really incredible, advantageous little stores where you can find anything, anywhere and have a wide variety of products for a fair price.

“You mean a konbini?”

“Yes! They are great, aren’t they? So convenient!”

“I bet they are.”

“They really are! To think that all of this only cost me ¥10 000!*”

“You spent how much?!”

“Oh, it’s nothing! I made sure to get an ample array of different products to enjoy together and, I thought some yummy snacks would cheer you up.”

You felt your heart clench at such sweet declaration from your dearest and oldest friend, she really was the most selfless and caring being you’ve ever met.

“Momo~! Have I ever told you that I’ll be nothing without you~?”

“Yes, and is nice to hear that you value my efforts, even if I can’t do anything to revert the past and change what happened, I can act now, in the present and do as best as I can to make you feel better and let you know that anything that occurred is not your fault, so please don’t think less of you. Sometimes life acts in mysterious ways that maybe we don’t understand, but someday it will make sense and we will know, comprehend and accept why our plans do not always go as we wish. 

And even if it’s hard to accept at first, there are better things waiting for us than we even expected or asked for since the beginning. What I’m trying to say is, please don’t let this unpleasant ordeal take you down, I know that you’re more than capable to be a hero, even more than me, so keep fighting no matter how many times they knock you down, I’m sure you’ll still rise every time. Don’t give up.” Your friend looked at you while she held both of her hands over her chest, her eyes bright, sweet and sincere made her words hit you with more intensity.

“Momo…” you said moved.

“Oh, don’t mind me, I think I got a little sentimental, but anyway! I hope you like what I brought for this occasion-Oh! Kaji-san, Sasaki-san please leave the bags here.” Momo instructed the bodyguards to put them over the center table of the seating area inside your spacious room. After that, they were dismissed and exited the room alongside the same maid that let them in.

Immediately after they left, another one entered your room with a golden vintage-looking bar cart full of all the musts for a proper tea party. A shiny silver tea set was put in the center of the cart, besides it a couple of white golden rimmed China teacups seated cutely surrounded by all kinds of sweet and savory goodies. Under the same cart, a large collection of the most exquisite teas and coffees could be found, most of them brought by your mother herself from her several trips around the globe. As an enthusiast of these drinks, she always made sure to visit the most renowned tea crafter countries to bring the best of the best with her.

“Good afternoon ladies, what would you like to drink?”

“I’ll have tea, that new black tea my mother got last month,” You said.

“Sure! And for you Yaoyorozu-sama?”

“I’ll drink the same, you talked to me about this tea before, right? It sounded so good that I’ve been wanted to try it since then.”

“I’m positive you’ll enjoy it as much as I did! It has a fruity undertone; it goes really well with everything.” You said excitedly.

Once the hot drinks were set and served the maid left the room with the snacks Momo brought to place them in the kitchen for later consuming. Once alone, you could talk more comfortably and privately.

“So… what in heaven you did or said to make my flexible as a rock mother to let you enter into my fortress of loneliness?”

“That’s easy…”

“School Work”

“That’s it?! And what school work?! Next week is the last week of classes, and we already had our final tests. What else could you do that we haven’t already done last week?”

“A lot actually, we still had to receive our final lessons and they gave back our tests’ results and you mother specify clearly and I quote: ‘Although (Y/N) is sick it doesn’t mean I’ll allow her under any circumstances to get delayed on her studies even if the school year is basically over, she must learn discipline and obedience, put in practice what she’s been taught all this time, she evidently hasn’t been taught properly.’

“Why it doesn’t surprise me she said that? Do you-”

“-Have your tests with me right now? Of course, they are part of the reason your mother let me trespass your ‘fortress of loneliness’ Pretty impressive as always, but I guess you couldn’t beat me in math, again.” She smiled.

“Aw! I studied really hard for that exact reason!”

“Don’t worry it was only 5 points-Wow! you were pretty right! This tea is delectable!” Momo said after taking a sip of her cup.

“But still!-I know! Right?”

“Don’t worry though, you’ll have plenty of times in high school”

After Momo’s comment everything came back to your mind, it really felt like a distant memory, at some point you question yourself if it was real, to begin with, it was hard to believe that one single person could have such bad luck in less than 12 hours, every single thing that could go possibly wrong went horrible. And now it was over, you once in a lifetime opportunity slipped from your fingers as soon as it came. And now with your mother aware of your intentions it could be nearly impossible to escape the path that was already set for you.

It's useless now, isn’t it?’

“(Y/N)?”

“Huh?”

Without you knowing, countless tears started rolling down your cheeks, the sadness and frustration scaping out of your body against your will.

“I’m sorry for touching that topic so aggressively, it was so tactless of me to don’t have your feelings on the account.” Said Momo a bit dejected.

“Don’t worry about that Momo, you are already doing so much to make me feel better and I’m so grateful you are here with me right now and, I’ll have to get over it eventually.” Momo frowned, she knew you really well and although she knew your words to her were genuine, you were not ok or dealing well with it at all, maybe if you…

“Do you want to talk about it? You know, vent your frustrations with me? You know you can trust me.” She said while she took your hand reassuringly.

“I know I can trust in you Mocchan, you are my best friend…”

“But?”

“I don’t even know how to put into words how I feel, it’s overwhelming at so many levels! Everything crumbled down so fast than before I could understand what was going on, I blacked out in the middle of battle center trying to save some guy form a 3 pointer, at the end I was the one who needed to be saved. I lost my only chance to make my dreams come true in such a foolish way and I couldn’t do anything about it! I went through so much! I had to wake up at 4:30 every day to train without my mother noticing, I stayed up until 2 am to study and be prepared for the exam, and all of that for nothing! I don’t even know what to do Momo, I feel I going crazy! I’m losing my mind inside these four walls! I feel trapped, hopeless, I just, I just want to disappear…”

An ominous silence invaded the room, you finally could say all that you have been bottling in out all this time. Momo debated what she could say in a situation like this, you really were screwed. But even having knowledge of your situation and its implications, something told her that, even if it was small there is still some hope. Trying to collect her thoughts she closed her eyes and took a deep breath, after a few seconds she opened them again and looked at you with a mix of confidence and faith.

“You know, since we met, I always thought you were the most courageous and aspiring person I’ve ever known. You never gave up, never let the limitations given by your family stopped you from being who you truly were, like a bird who didn’t know about frontiers or bounds, always focused at the horizon, what laid ahead, in the future, your future. Although you knew it was risky, you did it anyway, you took a leap of faith, and even though things didn’t come out as you wanted, you did it, you dared. Failure means that you’ve tried, don’t let failures and errors stop you, but make you stronger. So please, raise your head, stand proudly because a hero can always-”

“-break out of a tough spot, I know. Thank you, Momo.” You looked at your spread palm and closed your eyes for a moment. “It’s true that there’s nothing I can do, It already happened, is in the past and I can’t change it, but, as you said I have the present, the one that matters, the one that’ll help me shape my future, there’s no point on sulking over something that already happened, but I do have control over what’s happening and will happen. The only thing I can do now is wait for my letter, get over it, get a closure. And after that happens, I’ll just try it again, I learned my lesson, if I want to be a strong hero, I have to think in my wellbeing first, If I can’t save myself, I won’t be able to save anybody. I’ll do it at my own pace.” You closed your fist and opened your eyes full of renewed energy and conviction, you looked up at your always trusty friend and gave her your most sincere smile.“I don’t know how but I’ll keep trying, I’ll definitely do it.” Momo smiled back at you sharing your same emotions, grateful to see the same flame invade your eyes and spirit. 

“I know you will.”  

 “…But first, we’ll have some melon pan.*”

“…” 

*¥10,000 are approximately $91,35.

*Melon pan [ メロンパン ] (meronpan): They are sweet buns made with an enriched dough covered in a thin layer of crisp cookie dough. Their appearance resembles a melon (cantaloupe). Ironically they are not usually melon flavored but it can vary from caramel, maple syrup, chocolate, sometimes with syrup, whipped cream, flavored cream or custard as a filling. In the case of such variations, the name may drop the word 'melon' (maple pan) or may keep it despite the lack of melon favor (chocolate melon pan).

[canyouhearthelight]

The Miys, Ch. 98

I hope everyone is ready for Warlord Bowl!

Warnings in this chapter for violence and blood. Also food, although I think my entire story needs to be flagged with that one.

If you like this chapter, @baelpenrose was a huge help with the fight scenes, which I - quite frankly - stink at writing.  If you don’t like this chapter, well -  I stink at writing fight scenes.

Despite my best efforts - and multiple denials to Charly’s requests for concession stands - the gym area was packed shoulder-to-shoulder for the duel between Jokul and Arthur. People I had never seen populated the stands, while I was surrounded by my family. Conor sat to my left, with Maverick behind me and Tyche to my right.

Cronch, cronch. “Charly,” I sighed. “What did I tell you about the popcorn?” Daggers shot to my right, if I managed my sister’s glared correctly.

Apparently not. “No concession stand for the duel,” Charly recited just before she stuffed another handful of popcorn into her mouth.

“And where did that come from?”

“My quarters.” Cronch.

“Swear you aren’t selling it?”

“Naw e’en…” Swallow. “The recipe. This is my personal popcorn, thankyewverymuch.”

“Then why is it blue?” I asked, not completely assured she wasn’t running a black market popcorn ring.

Which made me sound entirely paranoid, but still. This was Charly.

“I wanted it to be blue,” she shrugged, holding a handful up to me.

I glared at the snack, wary. “Does it taste blue?”

Her response was a shrug. “Not really? It tastes like kettle corn. The food consoles are still trying to figure out popcorn, I think, and I wanted kettle corn, so I made a whirly pop on my own.”

Warily, I took a few kernels and gathered my courage to test them.  After swallowing, I frowned. “That’s… actually really good kettle corn....”

“Of course it is. I made it. Like I said,  I don’t think the food consoles understand ‘popcorn’ just yet.” Cronch, cronch. “Wasn’t risking it.”

“And you wanted it blue why…?”

She shrugged again. “Personal popcorn, why not?” With that, she tossed a few kernels of blue fluff in the air and caught them neatly in her mouth.

With a similar shrug, I snagged another handful. “So why are all these people here?”

To her credit, Charly scowled at me. “Warlord Bowl 2044? Do you really think anyone is going to miss out on this?”

“It was supposed to be secret,” I tried in vain, remembering Arthur’s point about that.

Almost as if she could read my mind, Charly snorted. “Eyeah. Hokay. Your personal warlord bestie issued a challenge in front of close to a hundred people and you really thought it would be kept a secret…”

“Not my personal warlord,” I tried, not even believing my own objection.

To my relief, a welcome voice popped up to my side. “She’s worked in call centers, she knows secrets don’t exist in closed systems,” Tyche interjected. “Oo! Popcorn?”

“Bad kettle corn,”  I warned. 

“Not blue-flavored, so I’m okay,” she clarified as she reached for a handful. “And anyway, this is less than I expected.”

“Do tell.”

“Well, there isn’t a stream to the entire ship.”

“Tyche!” I scolded for such an idea.

“Look, Miss-I-love-UFC-Fights-more-than-the-dudes-hitting-on-me, don’t act like this isn’t right up your alley,” Tyche pointed out with an arched eyebrow and a slurp through a straw

Hanging my head, I muttered. “Not my fault if they couldn’t appreciate B.J. Penn.” If I groaned, no one else heard it.

Tyche smacked my shoulder roughly. “Then you should love this fight. Judo versus… whatever the fuck Jokul says he is.”

“Unarmed grappling,” I supplied unnecessarily. Because who the fuck knew what that meant.

I was spared any further conversation by the arrival of our combatants.  Zach Khan appeared to be having the time of his life, hamming it up as the announcer. I had no clue where he got the microphone, and honestly just wondering if I should wonder about that gave me a headache. When he was announced, Jokul managed to earn both cheers and groans as he whipped off his robe and threw it to the side, leaving him standing shirtless like some over-dramatic anime villain.  His only concession to practicality, it seemed, since he left his hair braided in a queue down his back, practically begging for someone to use it as a handle in a fight.

Arthur managed to resist any similar shenanigans.  Instead, he just nodded when he was announced, flexing hands that were either taped or wearing gloves - I couldn’t tell at this distance. From what I could tell, he was wearing what he was picked up in: dark t-shirt, black jeans, and sturdy boots.  His glasses were nowhere to be seen, which made sense with a target as big as Jokul. Where his opponent was prowling around, seeming to be itching for the chance to fight, Arthur was standing eerily still.

And he looked deadly serious about this. I was starting to be grateful I made him promise not to kill the guy.

Finally, Zach seemed to run out of steam and announced the start of the match. Both of them were unarmed, thankfully, but that didn’t stop Jokul from charging headfirst at Arthur the moment he was allowed.  He made it about three steps before Arthur calmly sidestepped and simultaneously reached for an elbow and shoulder while planting one boot against his knee.  A quick full-body twist on Arthur’s part sent the larger man tumbling ass over teakettle.

Jokul managed to glare from his place on the floor, panting in either anger or adrenaline, while Arthur tilted his head like he was trying to figure out what he was looking at. “Can I just point out that, as one of the Ten Thousand, you are perhaps Darwin’s greatest failure along with being living proof that Miys is a terrible judge of character?”

I groaned and dropped my face to both hands while everyone around me snickered. “You got your fight, dork,” I muttered, knowing that Arthur couldn’t hear me and wouldn’t have listened even if he could. “Stop antagonizing him…..?”

A full-throated roar snapped my head up just in time to see Jokul launch himself from his place on the floor, only to end up right back there when Arthur threw him again.  And again.  Jokul repeatedly charged at his opponent, despite it getting him nowhere. It was a bit ridiculous, and it seemed Arthur agreed. After the third time throwing Jokul, he followed behind at a light jog and, as Jokul sat up, aimed a kick squarely at his jaw.  Before I could close my eyes to avoid the slightly-excessive violence, my jaw hit the floor when Arthur landed on his ass with one foot clenched between Jokul’s hands and shoved at an awkward angle. 

“That son of a bitch….” Tyche muttered beside me, while Charly just growled. Maverick and Conor were gripping my knee and shoulder hard enough that I just knew it would bruise.  

To my horror, it only got worse as Jokul wrapped his own legs around Arthur’s thigh and started trying to break the leg at the knee.  Before he could get enough leverage, Arthur managed to kick with his free leg hard enough to break the hold, but wasn’t quite able to get up fast enough to avoid Jokul pinning him to the floor.  Blows started raining down, with Arthur barely able to get his arms in place to protect his face.

I didn’t even realize I was biting my lip until I tasted blood. Threats against Jokul’s life were flowing from Charly’s lips like a prayer, and I was starting to wonder if I had enough hands to hold Tyche, Conor, and Maverick back from jumping in the improvised ring. But still, I couldn’t look away. I wouldn’t let myself look away, blaming myself for what I was watching.

It was Jokul’s turn to taunt, although they came out in staccato grunts instead of his usual crowing as he never let up his attack. “Better - fight - than - that - toothy - whore - but - you - aren’t - stopping - me - either. That - lying - bitch - is off - the Council - and - the rest - of you - will know - what a - real - leader - is.”

As soon as the last word was out of his mouth, Arthur lunged forward, taking a blow directly to the mouth but reaching for Jokul’s shoulder.  The attached arm spasmed and went limp, forcing Jokul to reach with the other one to try to pry Arthur off.  Instead, Arthur grabbed that hand and peeled the fingers back towards the wrist, twisting out from under Jokul as he stiffened in pain. As he got to his feet, Arthur twisted harder and further, with Jokul clenching his teeth to avoid screaming.

I lost all dignity at that point, surging to my feet and shouting. “Come on, Arthur!!!”  My sentiment was echoed by Charly screaming like a demon and incoherent cheers from Conor and Maverick.

Arthur showed no evidence of hearing us, his face full of the closest thing to rage I had seen on his face. There was no sign that he even realized his lip was split and blood dripped from his mouth.  Rather than the burning fury I was used to seeing on other people, he seemed possessed by this cold stillness that chilled me to the core - and it wasn’t even directed at me. 

In what looked like a Hail Mary, Jokul snapped his free hand around to grab Arthur’s ankle.  The attempt was in vain, because right as we could hear the wrist in Arthur’s hands snap, his foot slammed down on the other hand with a sickening crunch.  It took every ounce of willpower in me to keep from revisiting my evening meal when I saw blood trickle from beneath my friend’s boot.

When Jokul’s screams paused so he could take a breath, Arthur issued his ultimatum. “I can keep this up as long as you want to try, but I’m going to suggest you find a brain cell worth listening to and concede.  Nod if you understand me.”

Slowly, in small increments, Jokul bowed his head before raising it to look Arthur in the eye.

“Say you concede. Because if you don’t stop now, we are going to find out just how much damage Hujylsogox technology can repair.  And remember - that so-called lying bitch on the Council has already put it to the test a few times.”

Silence roared through the gymnasium as it felt like everyone present held their breath. One, two, three panting breaths later, Jokul’s mouth moved and his head nodded.

The next thing we knew, Arthur threw his opponent’s broken limb to the ground and stepped away. “Take him to a medbay.”

Charly’s cacophony of animalistic glee threatened to shake the Ark apart, while every bone in my body seemed to abandon me at once. Conor caught me with a speed born of much practice, while Maverick started to steer Charly in a path behind my sister so we could leave. I couldn’t even remember actually leaving the gym, too dazed from relief and the loss of adrenaline I hadn’t even realized flooded my system.  Charly’s blow-by-blow recap of the fight - in case any of us hadn’t been present for the event, apparently - turned into white noise as I fought the sudden urge to sleep.

At some point, I remembered hearing Tyche and Arthur’s voices arguing, which confused me because they both seemed insistent that I needed a medbay.  Why do I need a medbay? Arthur’s the one who got punched in the mouth… “Arthur needs stitches,” I mumbled.

“Sophia! Can you hear me?”

“Tyche, you are screaming. Of course I can hear you,” I retorted. “Why do I need to go to the medbay?”

“You… “ Arthur growled before being cut off by my sister.

“You passed out, Soph,” she explained in an aggrieved tone. “We didn’t know what happened. I said you just fainted from stress, Arthur was worried you were in shock somehow…”

“I said you needed to eat,” Maverick pointed out.

“Ding ding,” I joked half-heartedly. “I haven’t eaten recently.”

I could feel Conor tense up around me. “How recently have you eaten?”

“Evening meal?” I said sheepishly.  When I felt him take a deep breath, I answered the inevitable follow up question as sheepishly as I could manage. “Evening meal yesterday?”

Thump! “OW! Goddammit Conor,” I grumbled, rubbing my backside where it hit the deck. “You fucking dropped me…”

“You told me, if I caught you eating less than once every ten hours, you weren’t allowed cuddles until you had eaten two full meals.”

Tyche’s eyebrows flew as close to her hairline as possible. “Seriously, Sophia?”

“I forgot to eat for five days,” I admitted. “And…. Yeah. I passed out.  I’m trying to take care of myself, right? Although that didn’t mean you had to drop me.” I tried to scowl at him, but my eyes really couldn’t make it beyond his waist at that angle.

When I turned to get some help off the floor, Arthur was glaring - at me. “Eat.”

“Stitches,” I responded.  From this position, I could see at least one tooth was either broken or gone entirely. “And dental. That can’t feel good.”

He tried to scowl, but the flinch betrayed him. “Fine, you have a point. I’ll hit a medbay, everyone else find some food… Sophia, no cooking. You have - let’s see, it took Miys something like an hour and a half to fix a machete blow and an arrow in the chest, so I’ll be around ten minutes behind you. Fifteen, tops.”

My turn to make a face, apparently. “Not fair. I was chopped in half - it took three days to fix that!”

“I didn’t need organs cloned,” he replied airily, waving as he turned toward the closest medbay.  After three steps, he stopped, did an about face, and walked back past us and on ahead. When I opened my mouth to ask what he was doing, he held up one finger. “Not a word. He’s in that one, so I’ll find another.”

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[random-thought-depository]

The movie Fail Safe was on TV last night and I watched it. I thought it was a really great movie! It was very dark, but in the best possible way; it was a great tragedy.

Quick summary of the film (with spoilers): due to an accidental miscommunication, a USAF bomber group carrying hydrogen bombs receives orders to fly into the Soviet Union and nuke Moscow. The bomber pilots are also ordered to ignore any attempts to recall them, on the assumption that it may be a Soviet trick. This is similar to Dr. Strangelove, though in Dr. Strangelove the situation happens because of a renegade officer who wants a nuclear war to happen, whereas in Fail Safe the situation happens because of a mechanical failure and is nobody’s fault and everybody’s fault. USAF fighters are sent on a suicide mission to shoot down the bombers (they don’t have enough fuel to intercept the bombers and make it back to land, and will run out of fuel over the Arctic Ocean), but this fails. The US President warns the Soviet Premier of what’s happening and explains that it was an accident, but there’s a very rational fear that if Moscow gets nuked the situation may lead to war anyway. The Soviets have limited success in shooting down the bombers. The US government and USAF high command decide to actively help the Soviets, giving them information about the bombers’ capabilities and vulnerabilities. To avert a possible nuclear war with the Soviet Union, the US President offers the Soviet Premier a horrific bargain: if the bombers succeed in nuking Moscow he will order the USAF to destroy New York city with a hydrogen bomb; the death of a great Russian city will be paid for with the death of a great American city, and this will be a costly signal to the Soviets that the destruction of Moscow was truly an accident and not a deliberate raid with plausible deniability or an opening move in a general attack. In the end, the Soviets shoot down all but one of the misdirected bombers, and the last surviving bomber nukes Moscow (having received fatal doses of radiation from near-misses by Soviet nuclear anti-aircraft missiles, and believing they would return to a ruined homeland, the pilots of the last surviving bomber allow themselves to be killed by the explosion of their own bombs). The US President keeps his bargain with the Soviet Premier, and the USAF destroys New York with a hydrogen bomb.

There’s a phrase that’s sometimes used on the Spacebattles.com and Sufficient Velocity forums: “hard men making hard decisions.” This phrase is usually used as a derisive description of this sort of thing:

“Hugh Farnham, the hero of Farnham’s Freehold, has a signature move: when people disagree with him, he barks ‘‘Lifeboat rules!’’ at them and pats his sidearm. Hugh Farnham is the proprietor of a nuclear fallout shelter that has managed, thanks to his excellent timing and foresight, to have rescued his family and some of their friends. The shelter is their ‘‘lifeboat,’’ the only thing standing between them and certain death in an uncaring universe where the cold equations of nuclear fission dictate that rules must be followed.

Poor Hugh is a good guy, but he has the responsibility of taking care of the lifeboat’s passengers. That means that he’s got to bear the sidearm, and threaten his friends and family with lethal violence if they get out of line. It’s for their own good.

Heinlein’s Hugh Farnham is a character who is in charge of everything except the circumstances that led to him having to coerce, cajole, and terrorize the people around him. He’s that character because Heinlein wrote him that way.

…

The thing about lifeboat rules is that they are an awfully good deal for lifeboat captains.” - Cory Doctorow, The Cold Equations and Moral Hazard.

I think Fail Safe was the “people making hard decisions” concept done well. “Hard men making hard decisions” in the bad sense is bad because the “hard decisions” usually actually means “easy decisions if you’re a right-wing authoritarian.” Fail Safe showed people making hard decisions that actually felt like hard decisions. I think part of what made it work was that the hard decisions depicted in Fail Safe required not just willingness to violate “nice” liberal morality, but also willingness to betray in-group solidarity.

Hard decisions means ordering some of your own pilots on a mission that, if it succeeds, will consist of them killing some of their comrades and then running out of fuel above the frigid Arctic Ocean and certainly dying (by freezing to death if they choose to bail out and open their parachutes, by being splattered like bugs on a windshield if they choose not to).

Hard decisions means helping your enemies kill brave and loyal people who believe they are acting on your orders in defense of your nation. Hard decisions means telling your enemies the weaknesses of one of your greatest weapons, in service of that enterprise.

Hard decisions means carrying out one of the most horrific massacres in history against your own people just to send a costly signal to your enemies that you didn’t really mean to attack them.

The First Lady is visiting New York when the events of this film are happening; when the President orders New York destroyed he orders the likely killing of his own wife. The bomber pilot who drops the bomb on New York lives in New York with his wife and children; when he drops the bomb he likely kills his own family.

The movie doesn’t depict what happened in the aftermath, but I imagine that that President was impeached and then arrested and executed for treason or something like that in the aftermath; can you imagine a President going on TV and admitting that he ordered the USAF to nuke New York as part of a round of Great Game chess with the Soviets; there’d be an immense desire for somebody to punish for that and the obvious scapegoat would be the person who gave the order. And hard decisions would mean accepting that too; it’s just another one of the millions of lives traded away to save the hundreds of millions who’d die in a nuclear war, and the electric chair or gas chamber or firing squad or hangman’s noose is more merciful than the way a lot of the sacrificial victims in New York would have died (I think if you want to experience this movie in a maximally horrifying and depressing way, the way to do that would probably be to watch it immediately after watching Barefoot Gen).

Making decisions like these wouldn't just make you feel like a butcher, it’d make you feel like a traitor and a betrayer.

There’s a scene in this movie where USAF officers have to tell Russian officers some technical information about the missiles the bombers carry. One of the USAF officers just can’t do it. The next one speaks through gritted teeth and clearly hates every second of the experience. Part of this is they’re compromising national security by doing this, but I saw a subtext of a more intimate betrayal of the pilots. I saw a subtext of the capabilities of these aircraft as an expression of comradeship from the engineers and the rear-echelon support institutions to the pilots; you can’t be with them, but you can do the next best thing by giving them the best possible aircraft and therefore the best possible chances of completing their missions and returning alive. And now they’re being asked to undo that, to as much as possible take away the advantages they’ve worked so hard to give the pilots. I suspect that if this movie had been made in a more computerized age this scene might have included the USAF giving the Soviets the information they’d need to do something kind of like the prefix code trick in Star Trek II, which would have made this subtext more obvious.

There’s a scene a bit earlier where the misdirected bombers have just crossed into Soviet air space and one of them is attacked by Soviet fighters and successfully defends itself and destroys the attacking Soviet fighters. Most of the USAF officers watching this happen on their big war room screen start cheering, and then the commanding officer reprimands them and says something like this isn’t a football game. I read this scene through the subtext I talked about in the previous paragraph; the commanding officer wants to discourage the natural sentiment of thinking of the bomber pilots as comrades, admiring their skill and bravery, being proud to have armed them so well, and being happy for them when they succeed.

Side note: another subtext I saw in the USAF officers cheering when the bomber destroyed the Soviet fighters: they are thinking about the symmetrical opposite battle that would happen in a full-scale war; the one over the United States between USAF fighters and the Soviet long-range bombers that would be coming to drop nuclear weapons on American cities. They are reassured to see that US bombers do well against Soviet fighters, because that means US fighters will probably do well against Soviet bombers.

Side note to that side note. I vaguely remember reading in discussions on forums that in the early ‘60s the USSR didn’t yet have the capacity to use nuclear weapons to conduct a general massacre of the US urban population? But Fail Safe feels like it takes place in a world where a nuclear war would mean basically every significant US city goes up in flames. I’m inclined to interpret it as alternate history, taking place in a world where the Soviet Union was more formidable than it was in our world (given the ending it’s definitely alternate history anyway). I think sequel fanfiction to this movie could definitely be interesting alternate history.

Other side notes:

I felt really sorry for … well, basically every character in this movie, but I think the situation of the misdirected bomber pilots was very poignant. They believed there was an actual nuclear war happening; they believed they were living through the worst day in human history! I imagine them making mental calculations like: if we’ve had time to cross the Arctic Ocean from Alaska and fly deep into the Soviet Union, then probably every city between Lisbon and Kiev is in flames right now, and hundreds of millions of people are already dead or dying, and maybe our Soviet opposite numbers are flying across Canada and the Atlantic Ocean right now, Fairbanks and Juneau are burning though the next wave of real massacre is maybe yet to begin (it’ll start when the Soviet bombers reach the part of Canada near the border where most of Canada’s population lives, a few hours after that the Soviet bombers will have finished their work and North America will look like Central Asia immediately after Genghis Khan was finished with it). It was impressive and poignant that in this situation these people were holding together and doing their best, but this quality isn’t an unalloyed good; this sort of obedience is exactly what insures that tragicomic or atrocious orders are obeyed; they were fighting skillfully and bravely while knowing that their mission was basically to commit a massacre as an act of spite (yes, destroying major enemy cities is a rational part of MAD; spite is often rational in a game theory sense).

One thing I found interesting about the movie was the complete absence of ghoulish Dr. Strangelove types. Even the war hawk guy who advocated a full-scale strike on the USSR wasn’t portrayed that way (I picked up an implication that he was a Holocaust survivor and trauma had a lot to do with why he was Like That). I mentioned that Dr. Strangelove really feels like it’s riffing off this movie, and one of the interesting differences is this feels like a sort of optimistic-humanist West Wing/Star Trek version of a Cold War thriller; there’s an assumption that basically everyone involved is basically well-meaning. I think maybe this reflects that 1950s high point of trust in institutions? I suspect a movie made later would have been more cynical.

I really wonder about the relationship between Dr. Strangelove and this movie now, I assumed Dr. Strangelove must have been made later and been a sort of parody of this movie but a quick Google search says they were made the same year. Dr. Strangelove (the title character) kind of feels like a fusion of the war hawk guy and the secretary of defense (the disabled guy with crutches) in this movie. On that subject, seeing that guy with crutches reminded me that FDR would still have been fairly fresh in living memory when this movie was made, and when this movie was made there were still a lot of older adults where were disabled from effects of polio infections earlier in life. Really reminds you that the world was very different not all that long ago.

I think the film’s idea of “nobody is at fault and everybody is at fault” is applicable to a lot of our current problems.

[itsclydebitches]

RWBY Recaps: “Pomp and Circumstance”

Welcome back, welcome back. I managed to miss last week’s title/summary leak, which for any other show would have been a blessing. With RWBY though I find myself not minding---even hoping for---spoilers, just so I won’t be quite so blindsided by things when I actually watch them. It’s a topsy-turvy world.

We’ll get to that in a bit though. For now, we open on the new Amity Arena immediately flying over the Schnee dust mine. I’m talking the group has barely made it back out into the sun before Ironwood’s men are arriving and setting up base. That’s some real eagerness to get the ball rolling. Funny how Ironwood’s entire plan is doomed to failure and eight of the people helping him to complete it haven’t mentioned that yet...

We get a shot of the Ace Ops triumphantly emerging with Qrow and RWBYJNR positively geeking out over how fantastic their take-down of the geist was. It was admittedly a great battle. The best scene I think we’ve had in a while. Sadly, that charm didn’t carry over into this episode. 

As the gang gushes over how fantastic they were Clover explains that it all comes down to the makeup of their team. They were specifically chosen to compliment one another and make up for any liabilities they might bring. Forethought like this brings back the age-old question of whether Ozpin’s own teams are as random as they appear. Does he really leave it to chance, who you first run into and what relic you happen to pick? Or was he subtly pulling the strings in order to ensure that complimentary teammates ended up together? Even if they don’t realize they’re complimentary at first. Ruby and Weiss are a perfect example of that. 

It’s a question we may never have answered. Especially as the Ozpin hate just keeps piling on and on. Before that though we’re given a ton of humor. Nora, continuing her role as comic relief, slides up to Elm and asks if she needs a new best friend. Their team name could be

I’d watch it.

More pressingly though, talk of team compositions and pairing up leads to a comment from Harriet that we need to unpack. Bear with me for a moment though because there’s something else I want to tackle first. It’ll connect back in a moment. Basically, I want to address my frustration last recap that Oscar was left behind with no explanation and the assertion by others that this was a ‘show don’t tell’ moment. It wasn’t. Providing your audience with no reasoning behind a decision is not the same thing as providing a visual explanation as opposed to a verbal one. On some level the choice to leave Oscar behind functions like an argument and I see this a lot in paper writing:

Student: This ad is really sexist

Me: And...? Why?

Student: I mean it’s obvious? All the women are wearing skimpy clothes and that one guy calls her a ‘bitch.’

Me: Perhaps obvious to you, but we can’t rely on the reader picking up on the same details and interpreting them in the same way. So you need to include that as evidence. In addition, you need to consider potential counter claims. What if I said some women choose to wear skimpy clothing because they feel empowered by it and that my friends often call me a ‘bitch’ as a silly endearment? How do we undermine those arguments in the context of your ad so you can more solidly prove that it’s still sexist? 

Student: Hmm

vs. 

Yang: We didn’t bring Oscar with us

Me: And...? Why?

Yang: I mean it’s obvious? He’s not ready for this fight yet.

Me: Perhaps obvious to you, but you can’t just bank on the viewer coming to that same conclusion. You also need to consider potential counter arguments. What if I pointed out that Oscar fought just as well as you during the premiere battle and that there’s now a history of you excluding him from every event you possibly can? How do you then undermine those points to prove that a) he really isn’t ready yet and b) that you actually left him behind because of his skill and not because you’re all still pissed at Ozpin?

Yang: Hmm

That was not a ‘show don’t tell’ moment. That was no tell combined with no show. A ‘show don’t tell’ would have been Yang going, “I don’t feel so bad now that we left Oscar behind” and then cutting to Oscar training with Ironwood, showing us that he needs to improve his skills as opposed to Yang just telling us, ‘He’s not ready yet.’ But we got neither. 

I bring this up a full episode later because here, in “Pomp and Circumstance” we’re given another shining example of precisely how bad RT’s ‘show don’t tell’ skills are. The Ace Ops. What are we shown? A group that is incredibly close with one another. They’re capable of anticipating each other’s moves and are able to follow directions with little to no prompting. They’re constantly joking, teasing, goofing off in a way that implies real intimacy. Clover proclaims, “What would you do without me?” demonstrating a familiarity that allows him to exude both confidence and playfulness. They’re close enough that he needn’t maintain the persona of their boss; close enough that he can play the part of their hero without anyone taking offense. In short, they act precisely like Team RWBYJNR.

Now, what are we told by Harriet?

“We’re not friends... that’s the job. We don’t confuse the two.”

Excuse me?

There has been nothing---NOTHING---in the last two episodes to imply that this team functions solely as a work group. Based on what we’ve been shown the idea that they’re not friends is laughable. What the audience sees and what the audience is told by a character do not match up. Kind of like how we’re told throughout the entirety of Volume Six that the group is heroic when we’re shown them repeating the actions of the villains. Kind of like how Qrow tells us that Ruby is different from Ozpin even as we’re shown her making the exact same choices. Here, we’re told that the Ace Ops aren’t friends yet shown that they clearly are and this disconnect functions solely as a means of---again---highlighting how special RWBYJNR supposedly is. Because we get a long shot of how devastated that mindset makes them

and then Ruby immediately rejecting the idea that you need to maintain a purely professional relationship in order to be a good team, begging the girls to go out sightseeing with her. Later Weiss proclaims to her father that they’re not merely friends, they’re family. As nice as the sentiment is, this is just another example of how RT is trying to paint RWBYJNR, RWBY in particular, as intrinsically better than all the other fighters around them. The takeaway is that the Ace Ops might be powerful, but without friendship they’ll never be as strong as our heroes... except the Ace Ops are clearly friends. Harriet’s cold and judgmental tone---You consider yourself friends with them?---makes no sense here. This would be an entirely different situation if we were actually shown an Ace Ops team that acted indifferent towards one another and if, later on, that professionalism and lack of knowledge about each other’s temperament, skills, etc. led to a problem. Ruby comes in with a, “See? I never would have made that mistake with my team because I’ve gotten to know them both on and off the battlefield. Being friends is an asset.” But we don’t get that, so all we’re left with is a message of, ‘RWBYJNR is super special even though they’re doing nothing different from the Atlas specialists. But trust us, they’re intrinsically better.’

That message got old, oh, two volumes ago.

In addition, can we please talk about the messy pacing? The group doesn’t want to go sightseeing with Ruby because they’re exhausted. Weiss and Yang act like their traveling and near death experiences happened last night, and later Qrow’s “the finally getting to Atlas part” comment reads as recent too, but as I mentioned in the previous recap, Pietro’s comment tells us that at least a few days have passed. Realistically a few weeks. So which is it? Has enough time passed to justify Pietro creating seven distinct upgrades and apologizing for having their weapons “so long”? Or has so little time passed to justify the group talking about their trip like they still haven’t had the chance to sleep after Penny’s tour? Yes, this stuff actually matters when you’ve got a laundry list of internal conflicts and the audience wants to know how much time the group has had to grapple with them. Has it only been a few days since the Ozpin drama, or a few weeks? Did Yang and Blake murder a guy the other day or last month? We’re simply not told. 

While consistency unravels Ironwood tells Clover that he needs the Ace Ops “on the ground” being “subtle” in their investigations... so maybe don’t bring Marrow. This moment, right down to the humor, is pretty identical to Blake deciding to leave Yang behind when she went to dismantle the CTV tower. Because “Stealth’s not really your... um...” Thing. If only the writing acknowledged these failings in a non-comedy context and encouraged the characters to learn from their mistakes. Marrow might have to listen to his boss and Yang will do anything Blake asks of her, but the rest of the time? ‘You’re really bad at missions that require subtly’ is just going to piss the group off. Even though it’s true.

As the Ace Ops take off Ironwood calls over the team leaders. Which is a bit of a weird choice considering he’s not asking Jaune and Ruby to keep secrets from their teams or anything. They’re literally just going to turn around and relay that info immediately  to YWBNR. So why not just tell them all at once? Chalk it up to not wanting to animate nine characters. Basically though we learn at least part of Tyrian’s motivations here. He’s been killing off prominent figures who oppose Ironwood, including Forest, trying to make it look like Ironwood himself is killing to keep them quiet. And it’s working. More points to Ironwood for throwing out, “I’m not really concerned about my public image” when Qrow accuses him of only caring about publicity. If Ironwood is secretly a horrible dictator who really doesn’t care about his people... he’s doing a very good job of hiding it. 

He’s also super chill about Jaune talking back to him about the embargo, a sharp contrast to Jacques’ “How dare you speak to me that way!” when Weiss takes a similar tone. Like the party way back in Volume Four, Ironwood is presented as the clear hero to Jacques’ villain. He lets subordinates point out difficulties and potential mistakes he’s makings. Instead of just, you know, abusing them. 

So yeah, Jacques is a thing. He shows up pissed that Ironwood commandeered his abandoned mine, but also he’s happy because he thinks Ironwood has screwed himself now. Jacques is gunning for a seat on the council and he hopes the military taking possession of private property, not matter how grimm-infested, will help. He accuses Ironwood of roping Weiss into all this, Weiss reasserts that it was her own decision to help, and we get a lovely moment of the team supporting her. 

I’d just like to point out though, this is all proof that Weiss would have been just fine if they’d sent her to Atlas. The fandom was up in arms over that suggestion, making wild claims about how Jacques would kidnap her or something, but this scene canonically undermines all of that. Turns out Jacques didn’t have spies everywhere, waiting to scoop Weiss up the moment she landed. However long the group has been hanging out in Atlas, he had no idea she was here until she was standing right in front of him (and even then it took him a long minute to realize...) Turns out Jacques can’t just do whatever he pleases with another human being just because he’s her father. In Ironwood’s presence, which Weiss would have ended up in if she’d flown with Cordovin’s blessing, Jacques can’t touch her. Hell, he can’t do anything even if Weiss was alone.  If Weiss is willing to dump racists in the trash with her semblance I think she’s gained enough confidence to do the same to Jacques if he dares try to hit her again. The moment the fandom went, ‘They clearly HAVE to steal military property/disable a CTV tower and risk this tenuous peace because poor Weiss would be done for if they just sent her to Atlas with an armed guard and a transformed Qrow and possibly Maria in a suitcase’ I was just, ‘... What?’ That was never a good justification and this scene just reinforces that.

The one (metaphorical) blow that Jacques manages to land is by telling Weiss how distraught her mother was when she left. I wonder if there’s any truth in that or if it’s pure manipulation. 

As he leaves Winter flies in, clearly avoiding her father. Weiss gets partway through calling her out on that before Penny lands in their midst. 

From here the episode really unravels. With the surprise half ruined, Ironwood takes the group up into the arena and presents them with their huntsmen licenses. Now, full disclosure. I said I wanted this back in the premiere. In fact, my exact words were,

“I don’t think the show would ever go for my suggestion of another school arc so they could finish their training, but at the very least we should provide some sort of loop-hole for these characters. Have Ironwood provide special licenses based on their heroics at the Fall of Beacon and their work since. Because right now we have a world that’s continually emphasizing being a huntsmen as a job, something you earn the right to call yourself, yet 95% of our group doesn’t have that right in the eyes of their society.”

And I still stand by that. In as much as I’m acknowledging that so long as the writing refuses to treat the group like the students they are, taking away that status is the next best thing. However, that was written before the story decided to re-emphasize precisely how not huntsmen-like the group is. Everyone remember that? It was a week ago, wherein the group was characterized like kids playing dress up, following the adults around, acknowledging that it feels like they’re real huntresses even though they’re not, and then they witnessed a fight that put their skills and maturity to shame. A part of me honestly is glad we’re not dealing with this as a moral issue anymore. The other part of me is going, “Really? You set up how the group is still a bunch of students and then turn around and give them licenses an episode later? Can we at least be consistent?”

It’s fine though. It’s done. Yay. They all have licenses. Even though they technically didn’t do the work required to obtain them. And they’re also still at least a year, probably two years, too young to have them. Considering that schools are a four year program. It’s fine. 

The group doesn’t even seem happy to have them though. In fact, they trivialize the moment. That word exactly: “It almost feels trivial now.” I don’t think RT intends for the characterization to come across this way but man does the group sound arrogant. Wow. We’ve been given a huge amount of power and privilege when we technically haven’t earned it, have actually done quite a lot lately that should have resulted in punishments over rewards, this is entirely out of the blue, something we’ve all wanted for most of our lives... so thanks, I guess? We’re feeling kind of iffy. Ruby at least makes some sort of comment about how Ironwood doesn’t need to do this, which just lets him re-assert that they all totally deserve it. Besides, he needs all the help he can get. Remember, we’re about to tell everyone about Salem!

Obviously no one pipes up during this speech. There aren’t even shared guilty looks. They’re just... letting their lie become a part of their ascent into full-fledged huntsmen. Oh boy.

Overall this party just feels depressing as hell to me. Yes, let’s celebrate in an empty, creepy arena that’s a traumatic space for literally everyone here. Made worse by the fact that no one acknowledges this. Once again Penny functions purely as comic relief. I thought that finally, finally we would get a conversation between her and Ruby. Hey, Penny! We’re taking selfies and eating cake in the very place where you were horrifically murdered! Maybe we should talk about that? 

Nope.

Instead we get a train wreck of a conversation between Qrow and Ruby. She brings up the fact that they’re all keeping secrets... and Qrow laughs.

The hypocrisy is really astounding here. Ozpin keeps a secret and gets punched into a tree, along with Oscar. Ruby keeps a secret and Qrow looks like he wants to ruffle her hair. She asks him if she’s just like Ozpin and he responds with, “Oz only trusted himself with the whole truth. You’re trusting others, just making sure they prove themselves first. I think that’s a pretty big difference.”

Okay. That’s one hell of a messy statement, but let’s take it at face value for a moment. So tell me, Ruby. Precisely what does Ironwood have to do to “prove himself” to you? How long do you feel you need to wait? One more mission? A dozen? A few weeks? Months? ...Years? There’s no surefire way for someone to prove that they’re trustworthy and if, after that person has already shared their own secret plan with you and continually treats you as an equal---please help me in this fight, feel free to talk back to me, here’s licenses so you’re legally a part of this team---you’re still iffy about their motivations... what more can they do? You might just keep waiting and waiting for some sort of sign, putting things off because telling them is so risky and you just want to be sure. You might even reach a point where you’ve known Ironwood for ages and you still haven’t told him because, well, you haven’t gotten that proof you were looking for yet. Especially if you were, say, in a time of peace where telling him only feels like a cruelty. Especially when you’ve been betrayed so many times before and are always fighting against those memories. Your little, ‘I’m just waiting until I know I can trust him’ could theoretically go on for decades because we can never absolutely know a person. Lionheart is proof of that. Ironwood might one day look to you and say, “How can you not trust me yet?” and you might respond with, “What have you done to prove to me, without a doubt, that I should?”

I’m reusing this: 

Ruby is in precisely the same position Ozpin was with his inner circle. Including Qrow. If Ruby is unsure that a military-minded, incredibly stressed man should have this information now, despite how trustworthy he might seem, why would Ozpin have been sure of that a year earlier? Ironwood was the same military-minded, stressed, seemingly trustful guy. If Ruby felt like she couldn’t rely on Qrow mere weeks (or even days) ago because he kept refusing to stay in contact (something that was established way back at Beacon. That’s not new) and falling into drunk, pessimistic stupors, why would Ozpin feel like he could rely on him in other ways? Especially when those “other ways,” telling them about Salem’s immortality, would lead to absolutely nothing good. Seriously. Has the group suddenly come up with a plan to defeat her, proving that Ozpin was wrong not to bring more creative minds into the fray? No. Has the group fallen apart for a long stretch and has only now made noises about moving forward for the sake of moving forward, something they’d already agreed to do as huntsmen fighting immortal grimm? Yes. All telling them about Salem did was make them more depressed and stressed, the two things that draw literal monsters to their door. That’s it. Their goals and motivations are precisely the same as when they started: keep fighting. Ironwood, on the other hand, has to know about Salem because his plan hinges on her mortality. Ozpin risked nothing by keeping this secret from the group. He arguably saved them a lot of grief. Ruby, on the other hand, risks countless lives and chaos across Remnant because she’s letting Ironwood inch closer and closer to telling the whole world, all in an effort to muster up an army that will accomplish nothing. 

Ruby is Ozpin in this scenario, but her secrets carry more weight than his ever did. This isn’t a group of teens feeling morally outraged that their leader told a lie; how dare you not tell us everything when we’re risking our lives... even though we’re always risking our lives and would continue to risk our lives whether you told us or not!  This is an incredibly powerful general about to change the shape of the entire world if he doesn’t learn the truth. The stakes are nowhere near comparable. Combine that with the fact that Ruby and her friends just finished taking the high road. That’s the kicker here. That Ruby doesn’t just admit, ‘Yeah... I’m like Oz. Because he was right. You do sometimes need to keep secrets and it is hard to trust people.’ No, no, no, they have to keep demonizing him. Ruby needs reassurance that she’s nothing like that evil secret keeper... even though we can all see she 100% is. She’s arguably worse now that she wants to play the victim to Ozpin’s secret keeping while simultaneously doing the exact same thing to Ironwood. She’s arguably worse since her secrets risks far more lives than Ozpin’s ever did. Where’s the fandom’s outrage over Ruby’s manipulation? Who’s punching her? When they bring up Summer, Ruby needs to characterize her death as “another Oz secret” wherein, like the fandom, she assumes he holds responsibility before there’s any proof of that. Even when Qrow admits that Ozpin has no more idea how Summer died than he and Tai do, he rescinds it! “But who knows what he may have hidden from us over the years.” Excuse me, but you all need to stop gearing up to assign blame without evidence, especially when you all are currently committing the exact same sins Ozpin did. We’ve been doing this since Volume 5:

Yang: I just learned that my uncle is the one who kept his semblance and bird transformations secret from me, but I’m going to blame Ozpin for it and demand “no more” lies. Even though up until now he’s never lied to us.

Qrow: I just admitted that your mother’s death is her own secret, but I’m going to subtly blame Ozpin for it anyway and remind you, as well as the audience, that he could be keeping an untold number of secrets from us. Truly a horrific thing when we, too, are keeping a bunch of secrets.

It’s also just a complete OOC moment that Qrow would be laughing about Ruby keeping secrets and hugging her as he tells her to press on while likewise maintaining his suspicion of Ozpin. Because Qrow’s whole beef with Ozpin is that he’s supposedly “wasted” his life while serving him. Everything he does is worthless because of Salem’s immortality. So if he’s now (randomly?) on team, ‘Do things because they’re right even if we can’t win in the end’... why is he still upset? If he can admit now that all this work---building new CTV towers and taking up everyday missions---is still super important, then why isn’t he thanking Ozpin? ‘Oh wow. I realize now how worthwhile this work is, regardless of whether Salem can be defeated. I guess I do owe you that gratitude for allowing me to do it all in the first place.’ Is no one ever going to acknowledge that Ozpin was right? About their work and about the need to keep secrets? You all are literally adopting his views, his mindset, and his choices. But nope. Nothing. It’s just an illogical mix of ‘Everything we believe is what Ozpin taught us’ with ‘But oh yeah screw that guy.’

The only reason Qrow is all buddy-buddy with Ruby’s secret keeping is because he’s in on the secret. Objectively speaking, if Qrow had a right to know about Salem’s immortality than so does Ironwood. They were both inner circle members. They both served Ozpin for (presumably) the same amount of time. With the exception of maybe hearing about the brother gods---and even then Qrow didn’t take that story literally---they seemed to have the same level of clearance. Ironwood has done just as much to “prove” his loyalty as Qrow ever did, but he doesn’t want to admit that telling someone this kind of horrific info is just plain hard. So Qrow, like the entirety of RWBYJNR, makes it about their own status as heroes, adopting a ‘we’re totally different’ mindset. I get to know about Salem’s immortality. Ironwood though? No, no, we’re justified in keeping it from him. People just aren’t allowed to keep things from us.

It started off with Yang’s ‘How dare you keep secrets only I’m allowed to do that’ nonsense and has now spread to the entire group. We had an entire volume of people verbally and physically assaulting Ozpin in the name of his lies. Now Ruby does the exact same thing and gets hugs and praise for it. I spoke too soon last episode. The hypocrisy is unreal.

I honestly didn’t think RWBY was still capable of frustrating me to this extent, but here we are.

Oh, and so long as we’re riding this frustration train... where is Oscar? 

He was not acknowledged once in this episode, let alone invited to the party. You know, the one that he could have really easily been flown in for now that the danger is gone. The one that Winter, Penny, Marrow, Elm and Vine all make an appearance at, but not the guy they’ve been traveling with and who is way more invested in his ‘friends’ getting their licenses than some random Ace Ops members. From here on out I’m officially calling BS on anyone who tries to justify the group/the writing excluding Oscar. There was no reason not to invite him to a planned celebration specifically designed to give this team, a team he’s a part of, a bit of downtime. Sorry you didn’t get an armor upgrade, or get to go on the mission, or get to attend the after party. Everyone just kind of forgot you exist or couldn’t be bothered to explain why you’re missing. RWBY really just doesn’t like him or Ozpin and boy, does it show. 

The remaining plot is minimal. The group pulls up a mission board and Jaune gets roped into escorting school children, a mission with absolutely “no danger” in it. So if we actually get to see him completing this, you know they’ll be danger. As they continue choosing their first jobs as huntsmen we return to Jacques, brooding in his office. Whitley makes a brief appearance to announce that Watts has barged his way into the manor. We learn that everyone apparently thinks Watts is dead---that helps explain why they’re still using his code. A dead guy  isn’t much of a threat---and Watts tells Jacques that he can help him regain his lost wealth, get a seat on the council, and screw over Ironwood. Through the pretty silly line of “Have your cake and eat it too.” I like that expression, but it’s hard to make it sound sufficiently threatening...

And that’s where we end! A rough ride this week, folks. Can’t complain about the break...

Until next time. 

Minor Things of Note

Watts’ comment about how Whitley is the spitting image of Jacques makes me think of cloning. Like, I don’t think the writing would actually go there, but it’s a potentially cool option. Evil billionaire with access to fantasy technology has two rebellious daughters before finally just cloning himself a ‘son’...

Where is Maria? What is she doing? Can we please stop abandoning important characters and then having the cast acting like they ceased to exist?

[nicodigiovanni]

DOMENICO DI GIOVANNI ( CODY CHRISTIAN ) is a 17 year old JUNIOR student at Broadripple Academy. HE is originally from LOS ANGELES but moved to Broadripple A YEAR ago. HE is DRIVEN and RESOURCEFUL but can also be ENVIOUS and DECEITFUL.

BASICS

Name: Domenico Di Giovanni

Age: 17

Grade: Junior

House: Malleray

Cabin Room: 2, Junior Cabin

How long have they been at Broadripple: a bit more than a year

Where are they from originally: Los Angeles

Extra curricular: Soccer Team Captain, Swim Team member, Buddy Program

CHARACTER AESTHETICS

Untucked shirts and loose ties, worn sneakers, board shorts and athletic shirts, hair that are ‘fashionably’ messy, a fake rolex, sunglasses to hide bloodshot eyes, sundown on the ocean, an eagle as a coat of arm, a whisper in your ears, an old camera, handwriting that looks a lot more like hieroglyphs than actual English, the sweet exhaustion after intense training, an adrenaline rush, the roar of a Ducati, the tension of sneaking out at night, a golden cross necklace, a swiss-army knife as a keychain, a bonfire on the beach, a room that looks like a tornado has just been there, a tangle of athletic medals, a stack of movie posters, a zippo lighter because, come on everyone knows they are cool.

TRAITS

Positive Personality Traits: ambitious, driven, resourceful, playful, friendly, brave, loyal to his friends, passionate, open minded,

Neutral Personality Traits: competitive, nostalgic, emotional, stubborn, guarded, prideful, materialistic

Negative Personality Traits: envious, jealous, deceitful, selfish, vulnerable to peer pressure, reckless, boastful

FACTS

Domenico is the firstborn scion of an impoverished Italo-american family, he actually has some noble blood in his veins and is proud of his ancestry. His family migrated to the states after WW2 and had actually enjoyed a luxurious existence for a few generations, when Nico himself was a little kid they still had money, but a string of misfortune and bad business deals had left them with little

His parents are obsessed with the idea of social status and have drilled its importance into him, to the point that Domenico dedicates his life in its pursuit. No matter the cost, personal or otherwise.

Failure is not an option.

He grew up with the expectation of royalty and the wealth of a lower middle class kid

He has always lived on the periphery of wealth though, frequently doing odd jobs from rich family friends and looking for afar at the glamorous life of movie stars and socialites in his native Los Angeles. Craving for the ability to join him himself. Unable to see that hanging around with the friends he actually had made him way happier. In fact he has a lot of fond memories of the time spent back home, but pretends to himself that he had moved on and doesn’t care anymore.

He had pushed himself hard during high school to get an athletic scholarship and finally earned his ticket to Broadripple. The young man is legacy, but his family could definitely no longer afford to send him there.

While Domenico is extremely loyal to his friends, he has a very ‘the end justifies the means’ mentality, he plays dirty when he believes that his strength alone is not enough to ‘win’ and lies to get what he wants or just to make himself look more ‘important’ in the eyes of others.

He loves the spotlight and does what he can to get noticed. After his first year at Broadripple he had started to take up more responsibility at the school, mostly to increase his own standing

He is always on the lookout for college recruiters and will definitely use whatever trick he can in the books to up his chances of being selected

He constantly puts up a show of confidence.

He is passionate, he falls in love very quickly, but he is also pretty jealous and his pride tends to get in the way of things

He craves for true companionship, but so far he had been too blinded by his desire to ‘climb’ up.

Truth is, the pressure of his lifestyle is starting to get to him, but Nico is pretty good at lying to himself and is pretending that ‘everything is fine’ even as he keeps daydreaming about just dropping everything and go follow his passions

HEADCANONS

He has two younger siblings, Alessandra, a spirited 11 years old, that is very much loved by her big brother and Gabriele, who is only eight years old. Despite considering the latter annoying, he actually misses both of them. He dreads when his little sis will start dating

He is a huge horror movie buff and dreams to direct one eventually, but of course, his life has a more ‘serious’ path ahead so…

He loves the ocean and is very nostalgic about his home in California. 

He is a bit of an adrenaline junkie, but he tries to stay focused

He actually enjoys playing sports and if he wasn’t as focused on his endgame he would much likely derive much more pleasure from them

He had sneaked out at the pool during the night for a swim more than once

He is pretty handy, had done a lot of odd jobs in his life and knows among other things how to pick a lock.

He is very boastful and is prone to hugely exaggerate his skills and wealth.

His best subject is history, math is meh… 

He worships his Ducati and constantly tinkers with it, the motorbike is a birthday present from a family friend that greatly helped Nico while he was in LA. The two had spent the year before Nico went to Broadripple fixing it and it has an huge sentimental value to him. Nico doesn’t drive after drinking mostly out of fear of ruining it (rather than himself) in case of an accident. He had brought it straight from California driving halfway through the states and he would do it again

He has a family signet ring, but pretty much never wears it in public

He own a lot of expensive looking stuff that are actually knock off 

He wears his shirts religiously ‘half-tucked’

He enjoys playing board games (but deem them too nerdy) and is a very competitive player

He is proud of his legacy status

He isn’t proud of being a scholarship student and keeps that detail for himself

He deals MJ among the students to boost his income, but himself he doesn’t smoke frequently

Domenico is fully bilingual English\Italian and he swears (and thinks) in his family native language despite never having been in Italy himself

He has a small youtube channel where he comments the Italian soccer championship and other soccer trivia, he is not however a regular poster of content and keeps it mostly as an hobby (and an extra space to advertise himself to potential recruiters)

He isn’t bad in the kitchen and can make a few Italian dishes

Espresso for life (and made in the ‘right way’) the rest isn’t real coffee.

Sport = religion. To skip training is sin.

He jogs very early every morning

A previous roommate of his has left the school last year, Nico kinda believe that he had scared him off

He loves the Rolling Stones (coincidentally his dad is more of a Beatles type) 

He dreams about taking a sabbatical and making a road trip after graduation

Has ran from home a couple of times as a kid.

While he keeps it very well buried, Domenico has a bit of a playful, goofy side that emerges when he feels like he is free to be himself

He is also a bit of a prankster

QUESTIONS ABOUT THE RETREAT

What do they think about The Retreat?

“This is supposed to be an exclusive and expensive academy right?” Turns to check if no one else is listening and then lowers his voice. “On the other side… thanks God right? At least they haven’t sent us back home…” 

Domenico doesn’t care about the retreat per-se, but he is worried that all the strange events might tarnish the school reputation, putting his own college future in jeopardy, or worse, ending up shutting down the Academy as he doesn’t exactly have many alternatives. He does miss a bit of privacy though and the lack of wi-fi frustrates him. While outwardly he pretends that he cares about the lack of amenities, it’s more of a show.

Do they have any previous experience with camping or other outdoors?

“Of course I do.”

Domenico is outdoorsy, but has never gone camping in his life, plus he is accustomed to a much warmer climate than Massachusetts and while he does his best to soldier through it, the experience definitely sucks. While he has no idea about how to build a tent or anything on the like at least he knows how to light a fire and can make a decent grilled meat if the need arises. 

What does their cabin bunk look like? How will they decorate their space?

“It’s not my room and let’s leave it at that.”

Domenico’s dorm room was adorned with movie posters (mostly horror B-movies), some of them hiding pictures underneath that a catholic school might not exactly approve (but that strike the fancy of a seventeen years old boy), piled up trophies, a small basketball hoop, random sport gear and clothes scattered here and there. He couldn’t bring much to his bunk and had packed most of his things in cardboard boxes to pick up for later. He keeps a picture of his siblings cheering at his birthday before he left for Broadripple and one with his former high-school team celebrating after a match.

Do they believe in the supernatural? To what degree?

“Nah... That’s all crap. It makes for a good movie though.”

Nico is fascinated by the supernatural, but he is not a believer, they are cool stories though and he likes the dash of adrenaline of a well told tale of horror. Besides, Broadripple might be a good subject for a movie right? In theory Domenico is Catholic and was kinda of observant as a kid, by now though, religion isn’t in his mind.

Are they easily spooked?

“Nop. Ehi what is that noise?”

Domenico likes to think of himself as brave and tends to worry about more mundane problems rather than supernatural or existential one. That said, sometimes the aerie atmosphere of the Academy actually gets to him and strikes the darkest corners of his imagination. Showing fear though, is embarrassing and Domenico keeps the feeling for himself, doing his best to crack a joke or put up a mask of courage.

AND FINALLY, 

A very dumb but (hopefully) fun quiz made by your admins, please share what result you got

you're the real danger

everyone talks about what they hear and see out in the woods but what about what's in the room with them? if everyone already thinks they're hearing things, it wouldn't be that hard to cover everything up

I must admit that I cheated a bit to get there, but Nico would definitely have done that himself, so I’m not ashamed to admit it. Besides, it’s kinda fitting of him :p

[a-chrome-disguise]

A long overdue catch up

Once Brett was gone, a silence fell between Cyrus and Kazimir. The younger man was on his feet, arms held behind his back as usual, his eyes examining the photographs that lined the wall. Most of them he found too painful to look at for too long, so his eyes lingered on the candid photo of him in his Team Galactic outfit. He wondered why his grandfather had such a picture in the first place.

‘...I hope you don’t mind that I put that one with the others,’ Kazimir spoke up. ‘...I wanted to see what you looked like as an adult, so when the opportunity arose… Well, I took it.’

‘Ah.’ That explained that. ‘...It’s fine.’

‘I’m sorry, Cyrus… I’m really sorry. I let you down so badly…’

‘You did nothing of the short,’ Cyrus blandly replied.

‘But I could have done so much more, I should have -’

‘- I do not blame you for keeping your distance. I know what Olya and Aleksandr must have threatened you with.’

‘...You do…?’

‘I was not going to take it lying down. I told them that I was going to do whatever I could to maintain contact with you, and then they dropped the bombshell that if I did, I would be “forcing their hand”, and we would emigrate.’

Kazimir sighed heavily.

‘Yes, exactly… I didn’t want to leave you, but I thought it was the lesser of two evils. I didn’t think that you needed to deal with the upheaval of moving to an entirely new region on top of… everything else,’ he nodded. ‘But… with how things turned out, perhaps I made the wrong decision…’

‘I disagree. You are correct, I would not have dealt with emigration well,’ Cyrus replied, without turning his head. Keeping his back to his grandfather. ‘The time for me to leave Sinnoh was as an adult, not as a teenager.’

‘But maybe you would have been able to get help sooner, in a region that’s less… stifling,’ Kazimir murmured, picking his words carefully.

‘With those two breathing down my neck? Unlikely. Psychiatry is “quackery”, and “not something they’ll have in their house”. No, I was going to suffer by myself, whether I wanted to or not,’ Cyrus bitterly replied, and Kazimir shook his head. ‘You tried to keep my environment as stable as possible. I understand that.’

‘...Cyrus, I have to ask…’ Kazimir began, the hesitance clear in his tone. Cyrus swallowed hard, bracing himself. ‘...What happened at Spear Pillar? All I heard was that there was some kind of disaster… And you vanished afterwards.’

‘...So you have no clue.’

‘I thought you were…’ Kazimir’s voice choked up. ‘I thought you’d maybe… r-reconnected with Nazar.’ The euphemism hit Cyrus’ ears, feeling like a somebody had taken a mallet to his stomach. ‘A-And I heard things about… your team blowing up a lake… That’s not true, is it, Cyrus? Tell me it’s not true…’

Cyrus’ jaw was tightly clenched. His eyes were stinging.

What a disgrace he was. What a failure. He raised his head, staring up at the ceiling, to try and keep the tears from seeping down his face. Damn it, he was not going to cry. Not if he could do anything about it.

But the disappointment, the upset in Kazimir’s voice, damn near broke his heart.

‘...I cannot. I cannot do that, because it is true,’ he admitted.

‘Why? I - I can understand your general idea of erasing emotions, I know that was because of what your parents put you through, but… bombing lakes? How does that help anyone?’

‘I justified it as a necessary evil,’ Cyrus replied. ‘I did not want to do it, but it seemed like the only way to progress forward. In order to help save the universe from the burden of our shattered, incomplete emotions, I was going to have to make the sacrifice of one small lake. Yes, I understood the risk. But I was prepared to take it. ...I sent a team out to make sure that there were no innocents nearby that could potentially get hurt.’

‘God, Cyrus…’ Kazimur mumbled.

‘I needed the lake guardians. I needed the gemstones from them, in order to create chains that would wield Dialga and Palkia. That’s why. I would use the red chains to harness their power as my own, and with that, I would recreate the universe.’

Kazimir held a hand to his mouth in horror; the things Cyrus were saying sounded insane. He knew that his grandson had done some bad things, he understood that Cyrus’ ill reputation was for a reason, but… what he was hearing went beyond his expectations.

He knew that grief and abuse had twisted Cyrus’ heart, but it was only now, hearing Team Galactic’s full intentions, that he started to get an idea of just how much damage had been done. To him, as well as to the region.

‘I came so close to succeeding. Oh, the champion tried to stop me, as did her friend. Cynthia and Ksenia, Sinnoh’s heroes. But the biggest obstacle was the gap in my knowledge. I had spent so much time poring over the myths and legends of this Godforsaken hell hole. So much time researching the lake guardians, Dialga and Palkia.’ Sucking in a deep breath, Cyrus closed his welling eyes. Despite his best attempts, a tear trickled down his gaunt cheek. ‘But I had no idea about Giratina’s existence until it was dragging me down to hell.’ ‘“D-Dragged you down to hell”?’ Kazimir repeated, choking on his words.

‘Giratina, the Pokemon banished to the Distortion World for its violence. My actions had upset the balance of the world, and Giratina arose to correct it. By taking me with it. That’s what happened at Spear Pillar. My goal was within my grasp, I was just brushing a perfect new world with my fingertips - and then it was snatched away from me.’

‘Y-Y-You still want to do it? T-To try again?’ Kazimir questioned. Cyrus could not see his grandfather dissolving into tears, but he could certainly hear it.

‘...No. Not for everyone. It took being imprisoned in the Distortion World for me to finally pull my head out of my backside and start to reflect on myself, my actions. Why everyone outside of Team Galactic was so opposed. I accept that I was wrong to override everybody’s bodily autonomy like that, but I genuinely believe that the world would be a much better place without emotions. But I underestimated just how attached people are to these repulsive feelings.’

‘...Cyrus…’

‘...I’m trying to get better. I understand now, I know that I am the outlier. I cannot comprehend why, but I accept it, no matter how reluctantly. And I am trying to improve my mental health. To conquer my demons. ...I am in therapy. I have a therapy Pokemon. I am on medication.’

‘But you still want to remove your own emotions?’ Kazimir wept.

‘If I were to be given a magic pill that would make me permanently emotionally empty, I would take it in a heartbeat.’

‘...God…’ He tried to shake the thought loose, not wanting to commit that one particular detail to memory. ‘H-How did you get out of there…?’

‘...Ksenia came back. God knows how she managed to get in there again, but she came back for me. I was in there for a month, I think. Judging by my estimations once I was out again, because time certainly did not flow the same in there as it does out here. Give or take a week. But that is one reason why I will not try again. I cannot count on Ksenia rescuing me again. I cannot count on surviving a second attempt. Granted, my life does not mean much now, but…’

‘Please don’t say that. W-When I heard you were missing, I - I thought you were dead. I thought - I thought I’d lost my chance to reconnect with you… I couldn’t deal with the thought of having to bury both of my grandsons...’

‘...I am sorry.’ Cyrus bowed his head.

Kazimir wiped his face, drying the tears and trying to pull himself back together. Damn it, he was going to have to work extra hard to make sure his grandson never felt he lacked support ever again. He was going to have to make up for his years of absence.

‘W-What happened after I was warded away?’ he softly asked, afraid of the answer. But he had to know. He needed to know everything that Cyrus had been through while his back was turned. No matter how much it hurt. ‘H-How did they treat you? Did - did they at least improve…?’

Cyrus let out a small scoff of derision.

‘Disowning you was the last straw. That was the push I needed to disavow emotion. If they were going to make it so that I had no support, I was going to make it so that I did not need support. My faith in them was shattered. Rightfully so, because no, they did not improve.’

Cyrus shook his head.

‘The best that I can say about them is that Olya remained stable in her grief, but Aleksandr grew worse. In spite of my attempts at numbing myself, there were still numerous arguments between us. They still brandished Nazar’s name like a weapon, beating me with vitriolic sentiments of failure every time I could not - or did not - become Nazar’s clone.’

‘...I tried calling when you turned eighteen, you know…’ Kazimir quietly told him. ‘Since they couldn’t legally stop us from reconnecting. Aleksandr said you were out.’

‘I probably was. I spent as much time as I could out. Just to be away from them.’ Cyrus hesitated; did he tell Kazimir about the worst of it? The absolute nadir of Aleksandr’s abusive behaviour?

No. Kazimir had been upset enough by the current conversation, there was no way he could make it worse. At least, that was what Cyrus told himself. But part of him had to wonder, was this avoidance really due to not wanting to further distress his grandfather? Or was he just looking at any excuse to not open up?

‘...I had thought about reaching out, when I left their house. And again, after Spear Pillar. And a third time after my hospital release.’

‘Hospital release?’ Kazimir repeated.

‘After Spear Pillar, the moment I left the Distortion World, it did not take long for people to notice, and to call the authorities. I was sectioned, and held in hospital for a few years. But before the authorities caught up with me, I considered contacting you. ...I don’t know why I did not reach out sooner,’ Cyrus explained. ‘Well. I know why I did not after Team Galactic. I thought that you would not want anything to do with me, after everything I had done -’

‘- You will always be my grandson,’ Kazimir firmly told him. ‘I don’t approve of your actions, but I understand the why. I understand that you’ve dealt with an incredible amount of suffering by yourself. I’ll admit, hearing some of these details hurts, but it’s nothing compared to what you must have gone through with nobody to ease your burden. But I won’t turn my back on you. Cyrus, I love you.’

Hearing those words, the sentiment that he had secretly craved for so long, caused Cyrus’ stoic demeanour to further crack. He had his teeth gritted, as he attempted to keep himself together. Kazimir noticed his shoulders hunch as the effort of repressing what was threatening to burst free made him tense even further. Kazimir lightly placed a hand on his grandson’s shoulder, causing him to jump.

‘Come here, Cyrus…’ Kazimir had his other arm extended, to offer a hug.

Cyrus finally turned his head to look at him, but made no move to embrace him. So Kazimir did it, instead. Cyrus was still stiff and unyielding, but Kazimir gently pulled him close. He clasped his hurting grandson to him, and unlike before, Cyrus did not need prompting to return the gesture. Wrapping his arms around Kazimir, and with nobody else to see his face, he finally broke down into a torrent of tears. Kazimir made sure not to do or say anything, not wanting to accidentally spook Cyrus back into closing off.

The pair remained as they were for what felt like an eternity, until Cyrus had cried himself out. Until his head throbbed, his eyes felt exhausted, and he thought there were no more tears left for him to shed.

‘Better?’ Kazimir softly asked. Cyrus pulled himself away, rubbing his forehead. He silently shrugged. Not really. But he allowed Kazimir to steer him back to the sofa, and the pair sat down together.

It seemed that neither of them had any more heavy, upsetting details to bring up, and had cautiously descended into small talk. Properly reconnecting, getting to know one another again. The repressed, depressed adult in front of Kazimir seemed so different from the grandson he remembered, but the more they talked, the more he saw hints of the Cyrus he knew before. Especially when they began discussing astronomy.

Though Cyrus reluctantly changed the subject after a few minutes. As much more comfortable it was to discuss small things, there was still one important thing left unsaid. Something that he vitally needed Kazimir’s approval of, if they were going to continue to stay in touch.

‘Cyrus?’ Kazimir asked, when he fell silent, frowning with concern.

‘...There is one last thing I need you to know,’ Cyrus cautiously began, closely studying Kazimir’s reaction. He swallowed hard. ‘...I… I have a boyfriend.’

‘Oh!’ Kazimir looked surprised, but fortunately, it did not bother him in the least. ‘I’m pleased for you.’

‘...Thank you.’

If Cyrus was entering the emotional minefield that was relationships, then, in Kazimir’s mind, that could only be a good thing. A sign of improvement. Ahh, but poor Cyrus looked so on edge, and Kazimir realised that he must have been anticipating a negative reaction.

‘Does he make you happy?’

Quite a big question. Honestly, the answer was no. But that was not because of Jaideep; Cyrus could not fault him as a partner. He was simply too far gone to experience genuine happiness.

‘...I cannot say that I have been happy since… well.’ Cyrus stopped. No need to go over all of that again. ‘But, he makes me “happy” in that sense that he makes me as close to it as I can possibly be.’

‘Good…’ Kazimir murmured. Not quite the response he had anticipated, but at least this man made Cyrus sort of happy? The clarification that Cyrus lived in misery hurt, though, and he swallowed a sudden spike of anger at his daughter, at his son in law, for being so cruel.

‘What’s his name?’

‘Jaideep Rose.’ Another look of surprise. ‘I live in Galar, these days.’ ‘That name sounds familiar… didn’t he get into a bit of, um, trouble in Galar…?’ Kazimir carefully asked.

‘Yes. It is a long story, and obviously not one he is comfortable discussing -’

‘- Oh goodness, no, that’s very understandable! I wasn’t sure if I was thinking of the right person,’ Kazimir hastily clarified.

‘That is partly how we got to grow so close. Having misguided attempts at improving things blow up in our faces, and living with the consequences. ...He’s a good person. Kind. Considerate. Patient.’

Unbeknownst to Cyrus, there was a slight softening to his tone as he talked about Jaideep, and Kazimir grinned brightly.

‘Could I meet him some time?’

‘I -’ Cyrus began, taken aback. ‘Maybe? Obviously, I will need to ask him first.’ ‘Naturally, naturally. If we’re going to stay in touch, why don’t we exchange phone numbers? Then, if your young man is willing, we could maybe arrange a get together,’ Kazimir suggested. A sense of embarrassment crept over Cyrus - or at least, that was what he thought it was - at the mention of Jaideep being his “young man”, but he ignored it. Kazimir accepted him, and seemed delighted for him. Coming out could not have gone better.

‘That sounds like a good idea.’

[notameeksassenach]

Dirt In The Skirt - Chapter 6

Moodboard | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5

Yes, I’m aware it has been FAR TOO LONG since Dirt was updated. I blame it on having a baby! Finally getting back into writing and looking forward to finishing this wonderful story soon!

As always a special thank you to my beta-boo @thefraserwitch​ for all her help with this chapter!

Dirt In The Skirt - Chapter 6 - Bases Loaded

As the inaugural season of the All American Girls’ Professional Baseball League continued to make its way closer and closer to the playoffs, there was a considerable drop in game attendance. Doing his best to not take it personally, Dougal Mackenzie saw it as his mission to try and turn things around. He was put in charge of this league and would do whatever it took to ensure its success. The last thing he wanted was to look like a failure in the eyes of his elder brother. Having lived the majority of his life in the shadow of Column, he saw this as his chance to finally break free and make a name for himself.

He knew that most people preferred to watch men play baseball. Just a few short months ago he would have considered himself a member of that same camp, but these girls were extremely talented. When it came down to it, as long as there was a love for the game, did it truly matter who was on the field?

After a brainstorming session, Dougal had come up with the idea of getting the players a bit more time in the spotlight. Sure they had plenty of playing time, but he needed to make them a household name and not just for their skills on the field. After all, most red-blooded Americans were only watching the games because the ladies were easy on the eyes. He’d put his plan into action at their next home game.

“Ladies, yer lookin’ quite fit today. As always,” he drawled as his eyes took a mental stock of the ladies before him. He was greeted with a chorus of hellos as the girls took to their respective positions for a quick warm up on the field.

“Who do you have with you today, Mr. MacKenzie?” Claire asked as she made quick work of securing her safety gear.

“Och, ‘tis but a reporter and photographer for LIFE magazine,” he stated matter of factly.

“LIFE magazine?” questioned Geillis, as she made her way out of the crowd of players with a swish of her hips and a bat of her eyes. “Did we miss the memo on being famous?”

“‘Tis the plan Miss Duncan. I’ve been trying to get them to do a story on ye.” he continued. “We need to get people to start showing up to the games. If we dinna have fans then we dinna have a league. And I’ll do anything in my power to prove my brother wrong. He thinks that starting his league was a mistake.”

“A mistake? Surely he knows how hard we are trying to keep the sport alive. And you think that this story in LIFE will be enough to convince him otherwise? And just what would this story be about Mr. MacKenzie?” Claire was curious, her hands finding their way to her hips. The team had already had plenty of articles written about them, what with them being the first league of its kind. What angle could he possibly be trying to get at this time?

“Why, it’d be about ye lass.”

“Me? Why me?” knowing full well that her glass face would do nothing to conceal the blush that was making its way to her face, Claire’s mind raced with how she could get herself out of the spotlight. The last thing she wanted was the story to be solely about her. They were a team and if there was any recognition, it would be a team effort.

“Aye. Yer the Queen of Diamonds, Claire. At least that’s what they’ll be calling ye.” he responded smugly, as he gave her the once over with his traveling eyes.

“Did ye tell him about me?” probed Geillis. She had joined the team at the same time as Claire and wanted to make sure she was getting the same kind of attention, especially when it came to Dougal. It seemed the young lady had quite a soft spot for their patron.

“I told them how the league didna want ye at first. But how Claire had insisted that she wasna coming without her best friend. They just ate it right up - the female bonding - thought it was a great human interest story,” Dougal wasn’t particularly fond of the way Geillis was questioning his motives. He knew what he was doing, trying to drum up more interested in the girls.

“Besides,” he sneered as he pulled Geillis to the side. “Just because they didna want ye, didna mean I couldna find a good use for ye.” As if to emphasize his point, he gave Geillis a playful smack to her backside, sending her back to the playing field as he turned back to put his full attention on Claire and continued.

“I’m trusting that you can help change Colum’s mind, Claire. Because if you don’t, Column may proceed with his places to end the league.”

As he made his way off the field, he turned to give Claire one last piece of advice.  “Just give the reporter something spectacular to write about lass.”

“What were you talking to Dougal about Claire?” asked Louise as they gathered around the center of the locker room for their pre-game meeting.

“Mr. MacKenzie was just telling me that there is some concern over the lack of attendance at the games. Apparently, Colum thinks that he may have made a mistake at starting the league.”

“A m...m...mistake?” questioned Mary, the obvious stress over the situation presenting itself in her stutter.

“They are talking about closing the league down if attendance doesn’t increase,” Claire explained.

“They can’t just shut us down before the season is over!” Annalise interjected.

“Well at the end of the day they are businessmen after all. If they aren’t making a profit, there is no product.”

One by one Claire could see how this news was affecting the team. Mary, who was always the most sensitive member of the team was fighting back tears while Louise’s temper was getting the best of her - resulting in her hat being flung across the room.

“He wants us to do something spectacular during the game today. I think our talents speak for themselves, to be honest. What we really need is to go out there and have a solid game.” Claire told the girls, rallying them in hopes of inspiring their confidence all the while trying not to let them see just how nervous she was that this may be the end of their league. “Play hard and play fair. That is what our job is.”

Claire hoped that her pep talk was enough to instill the motivation the girls needed to not only play a great game but to give it there all. She would be lying to herself if she thought changing the perspective of the owners would be easy. The Beauties had a lot ahead of them if they were going to show everyone what they were made of. She just hoped that they were going to make it to the end of the season.

“Are ye sure you’re not just saying that because the article is already going to be about you?” Geillis huffed, folding her arms in front of her chest.

The tension in the room grew at an alarming rate and Claire could feel the stares of her teammates settling on her as if they were looking for guidance.

“Dougal may want the article to just be about me, but that isn’t what I want. If they are going to watch us play, they are going to get a show from all of us.”

“You know what that means ladies,” came Marjorie’s voice from the back of the room, echoing Claire’s sentiment. “That just means we have to show them that they ain’t closing us down! We just have to go out there and give them everything we’ve got. We’ll show ‘em how the Beauties play! We are the Boston Beauties, there is no I in team.””

*

Next up for the River Run Belles is Moira MacKenzie. She is the most consistent hitter on the Belles and should be able to get ahead of the Beauties before long! It’s a swing and a hit for Moira - but oh no! Would ye look at that! She managed to pop that ball straight up into the air! It looks like a foul ball! Can the Beauties’ star catcher get it and put an end to the inning?

Extending her body from its crouching position, Claire could see the ball plain as day. Eyeing the ball, she angled herself beneath it fully aligning her body with the path that she believed the ball would take on his descent to the ground. True to the spirit of the game, not everything would go according to plan as this ball seemed to have a mind of its own. Reacting to the fact that she wasn’t in the direct path of the ball, Claire moved quickly in an effort to correct that. Reaching as far as her arm would allow, she inadvertently landed into a split.

I guess this is the spectacular moment Dougal was looking for.

She smiled as the ball landed right in the middle of her glove, doing her best to make it look like she had planned this move all along.

And she’s out! What a catch by Claire Beauchamp-Randall!

The crowd erupted in chants and cheers, going wild as Claire stood as she brushed her uniform free of unwanted dust.

“What the hell was that Claire?” shouted Geillis, charging towards home plate.

“What?” Claire replied as she forcefully tossed her mask back, turning to glare directly at her teammate. “It was a foul, I had the chance to catch it. You know that is what catchers do, Geillis.”

“Aye, they catch. They dinna put on a show like they’re the main attraction at a circus!” spat Geillis.

Claire wasn’t sure where Geillis’ sudden animosity was coming from. Usually, she was her biggest supporter. It wasn’t until she saw Dougal proudly pointing from the stands. Clearly, Geillis wasn’t thrilled that Claire was getting all of his attention.

“I just saw an opportunity and took it is all. You heard Dougal, he wanted us to give them something spectacular. I just did what was asked of me. If you have an issue with that, Gellie, you might want to take it up with your beau.” Claire spat back at her. They had been friends for nearly as long as she could remember, and she wasn’t going to back down to her just because she was acting like a jealous betty.

*

The girls made it a point to put 110% into every game they played leading to the end of the season. So much in fact that having a day to themselves was something of a luxury and one that they cherished. And on a bright and sunny Saturday afternoon, they got to do just that.

Unbeknownst to most of the team, Mary had been keeping in touch with the young man she met at The Blue Bull, Alex. After several months of correspondence, the two had formed quite the bond.

As Mrs. Fitz fluttered about with an armful of mail, she made her way to each girl delivering their parcels. Many were excited to have received tokens from home. A few lucky ladies had gotten a letter from their husbands, all of whom were off and away fighting in the war.

Claire herself didn’t expect to receive anything, and couldn’t help but notice the dreamy smile on Mary’s face as she clutched a letter in her hands and made her way towards her. There was something familiar in the way it carelessly graced her faced that reminded Claire of the way she had felt all those years ago courting Frank.

She could remember all those years ago when Frank was courting her. The letters that he would send her, talking of the future they would have together. Full of promise and hope, all of which were fulfilled when they were married. After being drafted, Frank took up writing to her again. While the underlying theme was the same, these letters spoke of the family they would have once he was done serving his country.

And now, with no one to write her, Claire found herself living vicariously through the letters that Mary received from Alex. How she hoped the future they had together held all the love and joy that she feared she would never experience again.

*

Just a few short weeks later, the Boston Beauties were let in on just how much Mary and Alex’s relationship had grown. During a couple of “bye weeks,” they all found themselves as the maids and maidens of honor at Mary’s wedding. The entire team was deliriously happy for Mary, who given her shy nature, had quickly become the younger sister to most of the team.

Claire was pleased to see the young girl so in love with her new husband. Thinking back to the day that she wed Frank, she could remember the feeling of knowing they had their whole lives in front of them. The joy that she felt back then, however, was now mixed with the sadness that they would never get to see what the rest of their lives together held. Their future had been cut far too short by the bloody war. With a sigh, she pushed the feelings of loss that had slowly bubbled to the surface back down. This was Mary’s day, and she wasn’t about to spoil it with feeling sorry for herself.

Besides, Claire was still young with an entire lifetime ahead of her. Never in a million years would she have guessed that she would be one of the inaugural players on the All American Girls’ Professional Baseball League. She was learning tons of valuable skills as a member of the Boston Beauties, leadership skills, what she herself is capable of when put to the test, not to mention the countless friendships she had made in her teammates and fellow players. As her thoughts moved from her loss to the gain that she had experienced in the last months, Claire couldn’t help but group Jamie in that list of gains. Sure he had time and time again proven to be a pain in her arse, but she couldn’t deny that having him in her life was making her a better person.

Turning her attention outward, she cleared her mind of the many thoughts that were racing through her mind - especially those that kept creeping up of Jamie. It was neither the time or the place for her to trying and decipher what those thoughts could mean. Claire knew full well that something was happening between them. But whether it was just the calm between the storms of their increasingly frequent fights or something more, she wasn’t sure.

*

As the team made their way to their next game, traveling overnight on the road, Claire found herself seated at the rear of the bus. Occasionally she would let her gaze settle on the man who had invaded her thoughts, watching him as he riffled through various papers a few rows ahead of her. She knew better, but couldn’t take her eyes off of the nape of his neck, where his hair fell and began to slightly curl.

It is quite an extraordinary mop of red.

Claire didn’t truly realize how hard she had been staring at him until he turned around and caught her eye. Trying to hide the blush that was threatening to take over her cheeks, she dropped her gaze, knowing full well that she had just been caught red-handed. She didn’t look up until she felt a weight settle on the seat next to her. Turning her eyes slightly to the right, she noticed that Jamie had seated himself beside her.

She remained silent for a time, waiting to see if he would make the first move. Ever since their altercation on the field, she continued to tiptoe around him, as if trying to anticipate his next outburst.

“I havena had a chance to apologize,” Jamie spoke softly as the fingers on his left hand came to rest on his leg, merely inches from hers.

“For what?” Claire asked, her English accent thick. She wasn’t entirely sure what he was talking about. Over the past weeks, there were close to a million reasons he would have to apologize over.

“Fer the way I reacted on the field. It wasna professional and you didna deserve to be embarrassed so. Will you forgive me lass?”

In an effort to show Claire that he was sincere in his apology, he bridged the gap between them and reached over, placing his hand atop of hers. Gripping her hand, he searched her eyes to see if she would, in fact, forgive him.

Smiling, Claire met his gaze. With her voice barely above a whisper, she reciprocated the squeeze and said, “Forgiven.”

“So tell me about yer lad. Fred, was it?” Jamie tried to start a conversation with Claire. Trying to come up with a topic he believed to be safe, not wanting to start things off on the wrong foot, all the while his hand was still covering hers.

“Frank. His name was Frank.” Claire stated as she pulled a small photograph from her pocket, handing it to Jamie. “This was us just before he was deployed.”

“He’s good looking. What did he do before he was drafted?”

“He was a teacher, professor actually. History,” she sighed as she recalled his love of all things past. “He was very smart. There wasn’t much he didn’t know about the Rising of ‘45. That was his specialty.”

“Ah. So he’s good looking and smart. Quite the package.”

“He was.”

Claire grew quiet, as she dropped her gaze to her lap. She tried not to dwell on the fact that Frank was gone, knowing all too well that it would do her no good. But she couldn’t help but take a moment to acknowledge just what was lost to her. She became aware that Jamie’s hand was still located on her leg but made no comment or effort to remove it. It was oddly comforting and she didn’t necessarily want it to stop.

“Do ye ken how good of a ballplayer ye are, Claire?” Jamie asked as he reached into his pocket, pulling out a flask. Taking a swig of the liquid, he passed his flask to her.

She took the flask in hand, sniffing briefly to judge its contents. “How good am I?” She asked clearly wanting to get his opinion on the matter.

“Yer a lousy player.”

She nearly choked on the sip she was taken, her eyes widening at his confession. Her look was greeted with a deep rumble of laughter that escaped Jamie.

“Sorry, I couldna resist,” he started. “Truly, yer the best player in the league. And I’m no’ just saying that because yer on my team. Ye’d be the best player no matter what team ye were on.”

Giving him a small smile at his comment, she caught his bright blue eyes, that seemed to look at her, really look at her for the first time. Taking the moment to study the features of his face, their surroundings seemed to fade to black, as if there was nothing else in the world that mattered other than the two of them. Claire couldn’t put her finger on what had changed, but it was almost as if in that moment, the world shifted around the two of them. She knew deep in her bones that their relationship had taken a turn towards something more, something better.

[chubbyooo]

Blurred Lines: Cursed Past Chapter 37 - Failure

back in the writing funk so here comes chapter 37, you may notice i finally came up with a name for part one of Blurred Lines only took me 37 chapters XD. We’re moving back over to Kyradia’s impending situation after letting it simmer for a bit

Kyradia holds on as her wound only deepens

Kyradia’s vision blurred wincing with a large jolt of pain, she held her hand over her stomach trying her best to stop the bleeding. This was bad, this was really bad she couldn’t die not like this not after everything she’d been through bleeding out in a temple it wasn’t right. She tried her best to move but every time she tried a sharp pain would ring out from her stomach, if she moved she definitely would die she just hoped for some kind of miracle. Kyradia scowled thinking back to the fight with Zash she completely had her beaten and then suddenly she didn’t what the fuck changed, if she got out of this she would destroy that woman no chance of survival this time she swore it. Kyradia felt a sharp pain as she coughed up more blood the iron now all she could taste, there were so many things she still had to do what about the galaxy? what about her friends? what about him? she’d never even had a chance and now she may never get one it wasn’t fair. She shuddered doing her best to take deep breaths but saw her vision darkening no matter how hard she tried, no she had to keep going she couldn’t die here she wouldn’t! She focussed all her attention on staying awake but she knew she couldn’t last forever, Kyradia could here a muffled noise coming from somewhere close she couldn’t pin down where. She could see colours enter her vision moving around maybe people maybe animals it was all so blurred, she tried to focus but was suddenly met with a burning pain around her stomach that caused her to scream out in pain. But as soon as it was there the pain had passed and her vision was clearer, she could here what sounded like a voice it was all becoming clearer and clearer.

the voice sounded worried “Kyradia! KYRADIA can you hear me?” Kyradia’s vision cleared as she saw Ashara trembling while lightly shaking Kyradia

Kyradia took a deep breath “uh um yeah I can here you” Kyradia looked around the room seeing Xalek standing behind Ashara looking equally distressed. 

Ashara let out a long sigh of relief “oh thank the force we thought we’d lost you” Kyradia turned back to Ashara and frowned her montrals they were missing bits had she been in trouble

Kyradia did her best to clear her throat still tasting the blood “Ashara your montrals are you ok?” Ashara gave a amused frown

she cocked her head at Kyradia “are you serious this is nothing Kyradia have you seen yourself” Kyradia nodded looking down to her stomach wound her hands covered in her own blood. Ashara had her hands on it probably doing the healing thing again that would explain that pain. “Kyradia what in the force happened?” Ashara looked wide eyed and distressed 

Kyradia hung her head thinking back to the fight “Zash is back properly back and she beat me, would’ve killed me if it weren’t for that Milirian girl” Ashara frowned as Kyradia tried to sit up

“what do you mean she’s back when they left Xalek only saw the two girls?” Kyradia tried her best not to focus on Ashara’s own injury but couldn’t help worrying

Kyradia sighed “she took the blonde girls form” Ashara’s face dropped understanding flashing across her face “like she wanted to do with me and like she accidentally did to khem” Kyradia leant back against the wall “and then she kicked my ass” Kyradia slumped back down 

Ashara put her hand on Kyradia’s shoulder “hey we’ll find her I promise” Kyradia gave her a half smile not believing her but appreciating the sentiment “but for now we need to keep you alive” Kyradia nodded very aware of the giant gash on her stomach 

Kyradia looked back down to the wound wincing this wasn’t gonna be pretty “let me guess this is gonna hurt like a bitch” Ashara reluctantly nodded. Kyradia took a deep breath “bring it” she tensed up ready for the pain and as Ashara’s healing power started she felt a white hot pain surround her stomach as she could feel the wound begin to force itself back together. Kyradia gritted her teeth as hard as she could feeling every second as the pain got more and more intense until her vision suddenly went black.

Around her she could see only darkness, she could hear faint voices they sounded distressed she wasn’t sure why. She looked around for something but suddenly she felt a gust of wind on her face and then another and then a crimson cloud off in the distance. She could see flashes of energy within it as sat there motionless. She looked down at her hands but... where were her normal robes and more importantly where were her tattoos? She looked like she was... smaller like she was before... Suddenly she heard a much louder voice echoing around her

“oh well this is a delightful development” then the voice cackled loudly the sound resonating all around her filling her ears until she had to cover them before everything disappeared again...

Kyradia opened her eyes slowly she could here a beeping sound like a hear monitor it was way too loud someone should turn it off. She looked around the room and was met with the familiar sight of her bedroom on the fury, she looked to the left and saw Andronikos seemingly asleep in a chair next to her. She smiled he always looked cute when he was asleep but wait what happened? how did she get here? last thing she remembered was being healed in the temple, had she passed out? Maybe Andronikos would know she would have to sit up to wake him though she began to try and move but was still met with a searing stomach pain causing her to reel back onto the bed and let out a strain of extreme curses. Still not healed then she lifted her clothes up to look at the wound, she grimaced as she saw the large scar strung along her stomach even her tattoos couldn’t hide that. She hoped to god the Bacta would make it less noticeable, she noticed Andronikos was now stirring from sleep and as he got his bearing his eyes widened

a small smile crept across his face “hey you’re awake are you ok?” he made his way over to the bed kneeling down next to her

Kyradia frowned “I wouldn’t say ok but I’m uh awake and only hurt a moderate amount” Andronikos nodded looking off at the wall “uh how long have I been out? don’t you dare say 5 years or I’m dumping your ass” Andronikos chuckled giving her a coy smile

“not too long at least by your standards, a couple days at most” Kyradia did her best to give a smile “after Ashara healed you she brought you back here and then we fixed up the ship” Kyradia frowned what was wrong with the ship Andronikos looked away awkwardly “I may have crashed the ship but before you say anything it wasn’t my fault it was because of the force” of course Kyradia gave him a grin

Kyradia raised her eyebrow “sure it was the force” Andronikos rubbed his forehead giving an exasperated sigh “thanks” Andronikos nodded

Andronikos put his hand on Kyradia’s shoulder “always hun” he leant in kissing her forehead “I’ll go get Ashara she’s been pretty worried about you” Kyradia nodded that was a good sign at least. Kyradia sat there in silence thinking about all that just went wrong, she had really messed up here and had to deal with this as soon as she could at least stand. A few moments passed and then Ashara came rushing in 

she let out a gasp “Kyradia you’re ok” she dashed over and pulled Kyradia into a sudden hug, Kyradia felt the pain of her stomach as Ashara held her tight

Kyradia winced in pain “um ah Ashara the wound it’s uh stop please” Ashara let go quickly realising 

She rubbed the back of her neck “I uh sorry I was just worried” Kyradia nodded doing her best not to move anything abdominal related

Kyradia frowned remembering Ashara had a wound of her own “um Ashara are you ok your montrals” Kyradia pointed to the stubs where Ashara’s montrals ended. 

Ashara held the end of one in her hand “uh yeah the Milirian may have got me pretty bad but deadly or anything they should be reattachable” she looked away letting out a sigh “they probably wont help me sense things anymore but it’s still better than losing them” Kyradia felt bad she had brought Ashara into this

Kyradia looked away “I’m uh I’m sorry I got you roped up in all this I didn’t want you to get hurt” Ashara nodded letting out a sigh

“Kyradia I’m not you apprentice anymore this was my decision and I’m glad I chose it” Kyradia smiled weakly at her she guessed that was true

Kyradia took a deep breath “I need to get after her” she looked Ashara in the eye “as soon as I can I’m going after her” Ashara frowned at Kyradia

Ashara folded her arms at her “if you go as soon as you can you’re gonna get yourself killed cause you’re still injured” Kyradia grimaced, she knew Ashara was right but every second she wasted Zash got futher away. Ashara put her hand on Kyradia’s arm “after you get in a bacta tank and heal up we will go and find her ok” Kyradia’s eyes went wide Ashara still wanted to help even now?

Kyradia stammered “Ashara you don’t have to do this it’s got nothing to do with you” Ashara raised her eyebrow at Kyradia

“she a crazy sith who time and time again has proved to be an evil person, I don’t think I need a reason” Kyradia felt so overwhelmed by everything that had happened she definitely could use that bacta nap

Kyradia took Ashara’s hand “thanks Ashara I don’t understand why you keep helping me but ya know thanks” Ashara looked at Kyradia and smiled

“I started this with you I can’t exactly give up now things have got tough” Kyradia nodded she guessed there was something to that “and besides you think I’m gonna let you have all the fun taking Zash down” they both chuckled and then Ashara got up leaving Kyradia to rest. But she still didn’t know, Kyradia had to tell her as soon as she was healthy again who knows if Ashara would help after that...

[joemoshe]

Why Successful People Are Not Smarter Than You

Imagine unexpectedly being the person in charge of a multi-billion-dollar conglomerate company overnight. Do you think you will have what it takes to run it and make it more successful in the years to come, or will you lead it to failure?

Although successful people indeed have great minds, a bigger picture is yet to be painted.

What do you think the new Tesla auto model would look like if you were to be the company’s CEO tomorrow? Or do you even have a single idea how what it should look like? I mean, is there even a chance you’ll be at the same level as someone who built a multi-billion-dollar asset?

The questions might have put you in an awkward spot, and it must have crossed your mind that success might not be meant for you. However, here’s the truth: There is no association between being successful and being smart.

If you would notice, millions of smart people are simple employees living average lives. At the same time, some highly successful people aren’t smart at all.

Co-founder of the restaurant reservation software company Resy and Empathy, Gary Vaynerchuk, even stated that he could sit around for about 6 years and talk about the things he is very bad at.

So, how do people become so successful without having a sharp wit?

They are not smarter than you, they just focus on being smart once.

Determining how smart you are by what you did in the past is so trivial.

Olivia was always one of the most intelligent kids in her class. He has always been good at doing her work, but upon checking his social media account, it seems like the people she outperformed at school have achieved a lot more than her.

Likewise, her colleagues who started their career behind time have now leapfrogged her. She came to a point where she wondered if he was really smart or not.

Does it sound familiar? You might relate to Olivia yourself or have a friend or relative who struggles with similar sentiments.

Some people sabotage themselves with unhealthy descriptions of what being smart means. Thoughts like, “I was never smart to venture in such kind of investment,” or “I was not enough to pull off that work” often creeps in because they tend to look in retrospect.

The missed opportunities often lead smart people to make dumb decisions to make up for their lost chances. This is why they are apt to venture into investments with insane leverage and ruin their finances.

Bear in mind that your previous doltish performance won’t determine your overall future success.

For instance, people who had invested in Twitter early when the platform was in its infancy made a lot of money are now called successful. Some didn’t invest in the mentioned company but made good profits in their investment.

However, this doesn’t mean that they are smarter than you. You are getting this all wrong if you think so.

Successful people aren’t actually smart in all areas of their life all the time. They surely make the right calls and are well-versed in what they should do. But all it takes is for you to be successful is to be smart once.

You can be dumb as much as you like, but you need to be smart at one thing to outweigh everything else you’re dumb at.

They are not smarter than you, they just know how to apply their knowledge.

One of the things you might be getting wrong is being smart is all about having broad knowledge. But technically, being smart actually have two components: (1) acquired knowledge (2) and application of acquired knowledge.

The problem here is that people tend to overlook the second part.

There are walking many walking encyclopedias out there that have nothing to offer aside from their non-tangible intelligence. It is important to understand that application is way more significant.

You can think about it this way. To learn how to ride a bike, there are two ways you can follow:

You read the manuals on the internet and watch others how they do it; or

You just hop immediately on it with helmets on, hoping for the best

Your first ride might not be perfect in any way, but as long as you’re not heading to a flight of stairs, you’ll probably do just fine. Doing it right the second time around is what actually makes you smart.

Putting things simply, your first smart call can is what sets you up whether to stop or pursue your new venture. And the second time is what you can consider a successful endeavor.

Now, how do you confirm a smart move? The answer lies in the future. Even Bill Gates didn’t know if he was making a smart call while starting Microsoft. He even has no single idea if he was doing everything right.

Successful people are those who make a knowledge-oriented bet with the intention of adding value to it while letting the game just play itself out. The game will play itself out as long as you know what you are doing.

They are not smarter than you, they only know how to network.

Networking is one of the secrets of successful people. You present yourself and make connections to establish relationships and rapport. However, there is an overlooked misunderstanding about networking.

The truth is that networking isn’t about knowing many people in different industries. Research has shown that you only need to reach out to about six people on earth—the concept of six degrees of separation.

Six degrees of separation revolves around the idea of knowing about six or fewer social connections. It is also referred to as the six handshakes rule, where a “friend of a friend” can be connected to two people is a max of six steps.

The concept of six degrees of separation originally emerged back in 1929, when a group of people played a game intending to connect any person in the world through the chain of five others. The idea, however, was only popularized in 1990 through John Guare’s play.

Going back to the main point, it’s not about ‘how many people you know, but ‘who’ you know. This boils down to the fact that being in the right room is even more important than the reason why you went there in the first place.

Have you heard of the story behind Nike’s logo?

The logo designer of Nike was a student at Portland State University back in 1971 named Carolyn Davidson. She doesn’t have enough money to purchase her painting supply needs in school. Hence, her professor came to her rescue by giving her a little side project to design a logo for his running shoes business for only $35.

Carolyn created multiple variants, and the professor chose the one that sucks the least. After a couple of years, she ended up working for Nike and received a confidential amount of the company’s shares.

[everythingsouthasian]

My two cents on Bin Roye the drama Pt. I

*********SPOILERS GALORE*********

This interesting review of Bin Roye the movie (it was a lot more than just the movie, some great insights on South Asian films and filmmaking, go have a read!) triggered this post, so please bear with me.

It’s been a while since I saw both the movie (a really crap print) and the drama. I started out by watching the drama and then the movie and both had their pros and cons. I haven’t had the fortune of reading the novel so I’ll have to work with the Hum TV crew’s interpretations. 

Now, for the main article, the author of the post says:

There is a juicy concept at the film’s core - the love of your life chooses to marry someone over you, but then through a twist of fate is left with no choice but to end up with you regardless. Do you rejoice, finally fulfilling your lifelong desires, or do you admit to yourself that you are second best, a charity case, a logistical necessity?

Yes, the movie does, to a large extent, purport this. But if one were to carefully watch the drama and then the movie, the said “juicy concept” will essentially change altogether. From the drama, it is unequivocally clear that it is all about Saba Shafiq, our bratty and mischievous heroine, who gets embroiled in miseries of her own making. Everything that is said, felt, and reasoned is from her point of view. She is the driving force, the pilot, the hero in this adventure. As much as people want to make it all about Irtiza (Humayun Saeed fans), it isn’t. If it were his narrative, then the end product would be more boring than as it currently stands.

The film’s core focuses on Saba and her obsession with Irtiza. “Aapki mohobbat mere liye saza ban gayi (my love for you became the curse of my life),” she claimed in the climax scene. As her cousin and best friend since childhood who, to some extent, misled her with actions and words that lie in the grey area of care and love, Irtiza is not necessarily the villain on the show, but he is one to her. In their childhood, such adulation on Saba’s part to Irtiza can be attributed to childishness; but with age, when it only seemed to heighten, layers of complexity get introduced, not only to these feelings but also to the sanity of the person it affects.

Saba’s life revolves around Irtiza’s. She learns to make coffee, just like the one her mother makes that Irtiza loves, and cook and do all things homely just so she can get married and be the acquiescent wife to the person she loves with all her heart, i.e., Irtiza. 

(x)

“Jo mera hai, bas wo mera hi rahe (what’s mine should remain mine),” is what she wishes for in Eid. Irtiza then leaves her to go to study in the US where he meets her elder sister, Saman, whom he develops feelings for that are different from those he harbours for Saba. Even at this point, the narrative only glosses over Irtiza’s characterisation, not offering any reasoning for his choices or decisions. What’s shown of him is in context to Saba -- he cares for her in a way he doesn’t care for anyone else, she is still his best friend who gets to know first of his feelings for Saman, etc. Saba starts hating her elder sister for stealing Irtiza from her, for taking away a piece of her heart. 

Here’s where her obsession begins to take shape: 

“Aur har wo cheez jo use pasand hai, woh main apnaa chuki hoon. Tum meri jaisi mohobbat toh karke dikhao usse (The things he [Irtiza] likes, I’ve already accepted with all my heart. Try loving him the way I do).” 

For Saba, her time after Saman relocates to Pakistan is a hellhole, a ticking time bomb, acquainting with brand new feelings of jealousy bordering in on malice, all of which are alien to the naïve her. And evidently, she hates to realise this side of hers. 

(x)

And this is partially why she distances herself from Saman. Saba doesn’t WANT to feel this way for her sister. But her obsession with this idea of love for Irtiza is evoking the worst in her. “Amma, iss dil ka kya karoon mein, jo koi baat nahi sunta, baghawat karne ko kehta hai (Grandma, what do I do of a love that refuses to see sense and only wishes to rebel)?”

This pent up negativity reaches a crescendo when she curses her sister with death so that she can be reunited with her love, Irtiza (Mahira SLAYS in this sequence). 

(x)

This scene captures the essence of the movie -- the rock bottom people can hit for love -- Saba, the amiable, naïve, and straightforward girl demands God to take her sister away so that she can be happy, she can be with the person that was always supposed to be hers, all this confession in front of her grandmother!

Saba’s life goes downhill from here. She builds a fort around herself so high that even an eagle would find it challenging to pass. She turns hostile to people who love her because she is miffed with her life and her circumstances. The love of her life has moved on but she is stuck in the past. In order to regain some semblance of routine in her life, she enrols in college and even reestablishing ties with her sister, who now lives in the US with her husband, but she still bears a grudge toward Irtiza. He on the other hand is unable to fathom the 360 degree change in his best friend’s attitude. Try as he might to coax reasons out of her for it he meets with stern rebuttals. Saman and Irtiza even try to set her up with one of his best friends’ brother, who falls for her, but she voices out her disapproval strongly time and time again without providing concrete reasons. This leaves the entire family distressed.

[lunapaper]

The year was 2010. Emo was just starting to die out (long live the scene). I was studying to become a secondary school teacher, and Katy Perry was shooting whipped cream out of her boobs...

Second albums, more often than not, fail to live up to the hype. And yet, Teenage Dream has somehow endured.

While Perry’s 2008 debut, One of the Boys, launched her into the mainstream, it really hasn’t aged all that well. On tracks like ‘Self Inflicted’ and ‘Fingerprints,’ she tries way too hard to emulate Paramore’s bold pop punk. On others, she attempts to rebel against her gospel roots by turning the bawdiness up to 10.

It can also come off pretty juvenile at times. The singer was almost 25 when she sang on the title track: ‘So over the summer, something changed/I started reading Seventeen and shaving my legs/And I studied Lolita religiously/And I walked right in to school and caught you staring at me.’

But let’s be honest: Even though it’s been declared ~problematic~, you still jam out to ‘I Kissed A Girl’ when you hear it, don’t you? I hadn’t listened to ‘Ur So Gay’ before this, either, but its slinky, jazz-infused vibe absolutely slaps.

Like Teenage Dream is also a product of its time, presenting pop at its most sugary, hook-laden and bombastic. It managed to spawn 5 No.1 singles, the second album in history to do so after Michael Jackson’s Bad, as well as a documentary, Part of Me. There’s even a deluxe edition, cleverly titled The Complete Confection. It was Perry at her peak.

You know the title track, of course. Evoking images of cherry red lipstick, tight denim and driving down an empty highway in summer, Perry desperately clings to the memory of young love, breathlessly pleading ‘don’t ever look back, don’t ever look back.’

‘The One That Got Away,’ meanwhile, is its bittersweet sequel, Perry's lovesick nostalgia now tinged with regret. Yet, the only thing I really remember about the song is the video starring Cassian Andor himself, Diego Luna, as Perry’s past love, the beautifully dishevelled and tortured artist of my dreams (Dear God, that penetrating stare...) He’s also the only reason why anyone bothered to watch Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights, if it wasn’t already obvious.

First single ‘California Gurls,’ on the other hand, is pure pop exuberance at its most campy and carefree, indicative of a more innocent time when it wasn’t driven by algorithms or social media. ‘Firework’ is still a go-to empowerment anthem for just about every kind of montage imaginable. ‘ET’ (featuring a pre-’presidential’ Kanye) is heavily-synthesised cyber pop that doesn’t get nearly enough love.

But Teenage Dream, in retrospect, has quite a few misses. ‘Peacock’ is just one big, long, glitchy dick joke. ‘Not Like The Movies’ is big ballad schmaltz. The brassy soft rock of ‘Hummingbird Heartbeat,’ meanwhile, opens with a hell of a line: ‘You make me feel like I'm losing my virginity/The first time, every time when you're touching me.’ And I’m pretty sure ‘What Am I Living For?’ is partly plagiarised from Justin Timberlake’s ‘My Love.’ Even Pitchfork awarded Teenage Dream a rather tame 6.8 in their recent retrospective review.

By the time Perry released Prism in 2013 – her ‘darker, moodier’ record - she had shifted further into ‘inspirational anthems.’ There was the inescapable mega-hit ‘Roar,’ the saccharine power ballad ‘Unconditionally’ and the Eastern-tinged ‘Legendary Lovers,’ complete with wellness and spiritual motifs.

But it wasn’t without its bangers: ‘Dark Horse’ (featuring Juicy J) jumped onto the trap pop bandwagon just in time with its subterranean bass and eerie, otherworldly synths. Even the slick, 90s-indebted ‘This Is How We Do’ has a certain charm.

Prism also marked the point where Perry’s invincibility began to wear off. Where the masses once lapped up her candy-coated antics, they were now calling her out for wearing braids in the video for ‘This Is How We Do’ and dressing up as a geisha during a performance at the American Music Awards.

And they would only get louder during her era of ‘purposeful pop.’ Released in the aftermath of the 2016 US election, Witness was meant to cement Perry as ‘Artist. Activist. Conscious’ - as her Twitter bio read at the time. She had joined Hillary Clinton on the campaign trail. On Instagram, she was quoting the likes of Socrates and Plato. She was Woke now, and she was telling anyone who’d listen.

Yet you’d be hard pressed to find much trace of this ‘purposeful pop’ on Witness, bar the first single, ‘Chained to the Rhythm.’ Written with Sia and Max Martin, the singer implores listeners to ‘put your rose-coloured glasses on and party on’ amid whirling, colourful synths.

The rest of the record, however, is made up of either soppy, overly sentimental ballads (‘Save As Draft,’ ‘Pendulum,’ ‘Into Me You See’), awkward lyrical turns and CHVRCHES/Purity Ring knock-offs (‘Hey Hey Hey,’ ‘Roulette,’ ‘Deja Vu’).

Funnily enough, Purity Ring’s Corin Roddick produced some of Witness’ better tracks: ‘Mind Maze’ and the soaring ballad ‘Miss You More, along with ‘Bigger Than Me.’

Final track ‘Act My Age,’ meanwhile, feels like a pre-emptive strike against the criticism Witness would inevitably receive (‘They say that I might lose my Midas touch/They also say I may become irrelevant/But who the fuck are they anyway?’).

Then there’s the godawful ‘Bon Appetit’ (featuring Migos) with its food-related double entendres. It was ‘Yummy’ before ‘Yummy’ existed. Seriously, I just wanna see Orlando Bloom say he likes this song with a straight face...

But I will still defend ‘Swish Swish’ to the death. Do the lyrics suck? Yeah, but Perry’s never been the strongest lyricist. But its pulsing 90s house beat does a lot of the heavy lifting, along with Nicki Minaj’s spitfire verse.

The promotional rollout for Witness, meanwhile, proved just as messy. Among the most infamous was a 72-hour livestream, where voyeurs got to witness Perry sleep, meditate, do yoga and welcome a random assortment of guests, including Gordon Ramsey and activist DeRay McKesson. Then there was the meme-laden video for ‘Swish Swish. She literally served herself up on a platter in the clip for ‘Bon Appetit.’ She tried reigniting her feud with Taylor Swift on James Corden’s Carpool Karaoke. Needless to say, it reeked of desperation.

Looking back, though, you can’t help but feel a little bad for Perry, trying so hard to please only for it to blow up spectacularly in her face. So devastated, it sent her to the Hoffman Institute, which offers an abridged version of therapy. As she later told the Guardian:

‘I think the universe was like, ‘OK, all right, let’s have some humble pie here […] My negative thoughts were not great. They didn’t want to plan for a future. I also felt like I could control it by saying, ‘I’ll have the last word if I hurt myself or do something stupid and I’ll show you’ — but really, who was I showing?’

But although Witness lacked the perkiness of Teenage Dream or the cartoonish charm of One of the Boys, it shines best on its darker moments.

‘Dance With The Devil’ has the kind of smoky allure that wouldn’t look too out of place on a BANKS album, while ‘Power’ is a revelation. Produced by Jack Garrett, what could’ve been yet another dull empowerment ballad is turned into a gritty, groaning slab of vaporwave pop, with sultry sax riffs that sample, of all things, Smokey Robinson’s ‘Being With You.’ It’s electric as fuck. You believe it when Perry sings: ‘’Cause I'm a goddess and you know it/Some respect, you better show it/I'm done with you siphoning my power.’

If the singer had just done away with the whole ‘purposeful pop’ concept and stuck with Garrett, Roddick and Terror Jr’s Felix Snow as her core producing group, Witness probably wouldn’t have been half the failure it was. It could’ve had a chance to grow on people, the kind of slow burn Perry could’ve gotten away with at this point in her career. The cyberpop dystopian feel also could’ve gone hand in hand with her newfound wokeness, echoing people’s fear and anger in the aftermath of Trump’s win. But alas, we’ll never know...

While the rollout for Witness over the top, Smile’s was lacklustre and wildly inconsistent.

First single ‘Never Really Over’ came out a whole 15 months before the release of Smile to little fanfare, along with a hippie-inspired video to match. ‘Harleys in Hawaii’ later followed, which also stuck with the flower power aesthetic. Other singles - ‘Daisies’ and the title track – seemingly came and went without a trace.

So how did Katy Perry get to this point? And is there any chance of coming back?

It’s hard to say. A lot of artists go through a rough patch or two:   Miley's twerking antics divided audiences when she released 2013’s Bangerz. Taylor Swift’s reputation divided audiences. Only in recent years has Lady Gaga’s ARTPOP been vindicated. Such is the nature of music and pop culture in general. It’s fickle, just one vicious cycle after another; an endless quest for trend-bait that'll never end.

Right now, disco pop is going through a renaissance, while hyperpop reigns supreme. Dua Lip and Charli XCX are basically untouchable at the moment. TikTok has taken over from Top 40 radio when it comes to breaking hits, while the gap between album releases has also grown shorter and shorter. Even the nature of fandom has changed, shifting from old-school elitism to the bloodsport that is ‘stanning,’ along with an unhealthy amount of ‘endless simping’ (to quote a close friend of mine).

Perry, meanwhile, has failed to keep up, choosing to play it safe in order to avoid further scrutiny. But in doing so, she strips away the humour, the mischief and other idiosyncrasies that fans fell in love with in the first place.

But what choice did she have? As Junkee’s Sam Murphy notes in his own piece about Perry’s rise and fall:

‘At that point, you have two choices as a popstar — hunt for relevancy or make what comes naturally to you. Perry chose the former and came unstuck. She inserted vague wokeness into her songs as cancel culture infiltrated pop, tacked on rap features as hip-hop became the dominant commercial genre, and worked with producers who may have been able to find her credibility.’

(Full disclosure: I started writing my piece on Perry back in December 2020, so the timing of Murphy’s piece and mine is purely coincidental).

Even if you don’t believe in cancel culture, no one actually wants to be cancelled. It’s just not good for PR, especially for someone with an image as glossy and as carefully put-together as Perry’s. Even now, she continues to atone for Witness, telling the LA Times: ‘Having more awareness and consciousness, I no longer can just be a blissful, ignorant idealist who sings about love and relationships […] Even my travels have afforded me a new perspective on cultures, class systems and the inequality around the world, not just in the United States,’ though she carefully avoids the subject of politics on Smile.

But redemption is possible. Swift – Perry's one-time nemesis - was a total pariah back in 2016, mocked for her Girl Squad, for diddling the Hiddles while on the rebound from Calvin Harris and criticised for remaining coy on her political leanings. Now she’s earning indie cred with two of 2020’s biggest albums, folklore and evermore, and has thrown her support behind a number of social causes.

The devil works hard, but Swift’s PR team work harder. I might not be her biggest fan, but Taylor works Kris Jenner levels of mastery when it comes to rebuilding public sentiment. Thanks to her newfound indie cred, you’ve almost forgotten about the pastel atrocity ‘Me!,’ her 2019 duet with that insufferable drama kid cliché, Brendon Urie. Shifting her songs away from petty grievances to more original storytelling was also a smart move.

But while Swift has managed to move on, Perry seems to have fallen into the same adult contemporary trap as Gwen Stefani, Kelly Clarkson, Christina Aguilera and Pink, one that ensnares many female artists over 30 (Though many have also managed to escape – Gaga, Taylor, Beyonce, Rihanna, Kesha, Robyn...)

As ‘woke’ as the industry and fans at large might think themselves to be, they’re still pretty ageist. There's still an expectation to ‘mature’ your sound as you age, to become more ‘serious.’ No more fun, no more experimenting, boomer. But when you do end up filing away the edges, you’re called dull, generic and past your prime. Perry said as much on the aforementioned ‘Act My Age. You just. can't. win.

And yet, many female artists over 30 have created some of their best work yet in just the past year or so: Hayley Williams made the dramatic shift from pop rock to low-key, Radiohead-inspired tunes on her solo debut, Petals For Armor. Fiona Apple’s Fetch the Bolt Cutters was hailed by critics as her most bold, urgent and visceral. Jessie Ware’s What’s Your Pleasure? was a cut of understated disco pop elegance. Carly Rae Jepsen, meanwhile, released an equally stellar companion to 2019’s Dedicated.

At this point in her career, Perry could afford to follow a similar path to that of the Canadian singer. Once the meme value of ‘Call Me Maybe’ wore off, along with her mainstream appeal, Jepsen finally had a chance to discover real creative freedom, pushing her sound to greater heights and earning critical acclaim, all without having to compromise her love for catchy hooks and bold synth pop arrangements.

A couple of years ago, a Reddit user made a post about participating in a focus group held by Perry’s label to discuss why she’s ‘no longer one of the[ir] most notable female pop artists,’ and ‘what can [they] do with her image or marketing to make you care about her again?’

It’s depressing to think that an artist as accomplished as her needs a focus group to help solve her identity crisis. There really is no easy answer. Hopefully, Perry will be able to return more vibrant and assured than ever, on her own terms...

-Bianca B.