#by the way... my attempt at johnny's accent.... it happened

[ohbo-ohno]

Please please bo sort a girl out with Ghoap x Reader in an abandoned farm 🤪🤪

1k game here - no more please!

@luminousbeings-crudematter my beloved!!! idk if tumblr gives you a notif when i post an ask you sent so im tagging you just in case lol. also you said "unhinged texas chainsaw massacre" and i tried my best but i've never seen that movie :')

3.8k of ghoap x reader ft. ghost and soap hunting down their newest pet in a corn maze (cw: rough noncon sex, kinda puppy play? super light) this is mostly soap x reader, sorry!!

The collar is heavy around your neck, making every breath difficult as you pant. Your lungs seize in your chest when you stumble through the corn maze, desperate for any light at the end of the tunnel.

It doesn't come, but you push on anyways.

The corn is rough against your arms and legs, your body vulnerable to the rough stalks with so many tears in your clothes. Everything hurts - your feet from the rough ground, your throat from all the screaming, your stomach from pure fear and adrenaline. You're too blinded from terror to focus on any of that, the only thought in your head to go go go go get away.

The roar of a chainsaw is loud somewhere to your right. You nearly fall to your knees at the sound, windmilling your eyes to keep yourself steady. A loud, manic laugh echoes from the same direction, and your legs nearly give out.

Fuck, he's right there.

You can't think about how close the sound is, can't focus on how you swear you can see the corn moving, you can only run.

The stalks split in front of you, and you stumble into a clearing. You freeze, feet stopped right on the border of the new area. You bounce onto your toes, like you'd been tugged to a stop before exposing yourself.

The clearing is empty accept for an old tractor, sitting in the center of the grass. It's just a large enough circle that you'd be exposed for several seconds if you tried to reach it, totally clear if anyone was in the stalks.

But... you could hide there, couldn't you? The machine looks massive from your vantage point, there's surely a place to hide there.

It feels cruel to leave your fellow victims to the killers hunting them down, but you know that you have to try and save yourself before trying to help someone else.

You take a deep breath as you sink back to your heels, crouching a little lower in the corn to see if you can spot any movement around the perimeter.

The chainsaw revs again, and someone screams.

Your decision is made for you. The sound of death sends you forward, instinct making you move.

The dirt is rough beneath your feet, small rocks sticking into the soft parts of your sole and offsetting your run. You try your best to keep your balance, eyes trained on the tractor and the small space you know you can squeeze in.

It's silent but for the sound of your own panting, blood rushing through your ears, nothing but that perceived safety in your mind.

Just as you start to ready your legs to launch yourself up to the seat, legs tensing, you're shoved away. Your breath is forced from your lungs as you hit the ground, dirt and rocks shoved into your arms as you roll.

"Ah!" You cry out, forced to your stomach as you roll. It takes a minute to recognize what's happened, for it to click in your mind that someone's there.

It's too late by the time you realize.

You still try to get away, some animal part of you knowing that it's dangerous to stay down.

You manage to get to your knees, eyes darting wildly to spot whoever's tackled you, to know what direction to run. But the field is empty, and you're already moving before you think to look behind you.

It costs you, because you hardly get a step away before you're shoved to the ground again, your attacker staying over your body.

"Where you goin'?" The man rumbles in your ear, his chest pressed to your back and lips against your ear. He nips the shell of your ear and your eyes fly open, face shoved into the dirt.

Hardly a foot away, a chainsaw rests in the dirt. Blood drenches the blade, slowly dripping into a puddle beneath the weapon. It makes you whimper, trying to squirm away from the killer above you.

"No, no, no," he purrs, nosing his way to your cheek and just leaning there, pressing his smile into your skin, his voice rumbling through your back. "Down, pup, c'mon, you're caught. No point in runnin'."

"Please-" you gasp, neck arching to try and get away. "Please, please, please-"

He makes a sound that's somewhere between a laugh and a grunt. "Please, please, please?" His voice pitches up in a mocking tone, a horrible imitation of yours. "You a broken record, lass? Only wanna say the same thing? Come on, tha's no fun, gimme something new."

You shout, the sound caught somewhere between a cough and a sob, hands stretching forward and clawing at the earth. "Please!"

He truly laughs now, a sharp noise in your ear. He stretches himself up above you, chest lifting and hips pushing into yours so that your legs are pinned. All you can do it try to drag yourself forward, hot tears beginning to fall as you're held down in the same place.

"Guess it does sound good from your lips," he muses. He shifts behind you, knees squeezing to either side of your hips and hands reaching so he can grab your elbows.

"Look'it you," he tsks, bending forward to lace your hands together. You cry out at the feeling of being covered, his chest above your head. "Ruinin' your pretty nails, and for what?"

Your head drops to the ground, sobs tearing your throat to shreds as spit falls from your lips. You feel bile working in your stomach, that horrible tension beneath your tongue like you're about to throw up.

"I can't-" you gasp, panic clawing at your mind. You know this man is going to kill you, that he's going to make it hurt, and every part of you rebels at just the thoughts. You can't stop fighting, can't stop trying to get away from him even with the weight holding you down.

"Can't what?" He hums, shifting to kneel above you so that he's not nearly suffocating you. "Can't go anywhere? Naw, bonnie, you're not goin' anywhere now. Caught you fair and square, didn't I?"

There's a part of you that screams to try and argue, to take a deep breath and settle to see if you can make some sort of deal, but the bigger part of you can't calm down, can't do anything but try and shove yourself out from the maniac above you.

"Plus, if I let you go runnin' off you might get caught by Simon." His arms settle on your shoulders and you can't help but yelp, ducking your head low to try and protect your neck. "Then I'd lose. You want that? Thought we were closer than that, lass."

You sob, teeth clenched tight. You don't fucking know the man, you don't know whoever Simon is, you just want to go home.

"That's what I thought," he hums. "Now," he pushes up, and your arms and torso are free as he settles back to rest his weight on your thighs. "I think you and I have some time to play, hm? Before Simon catches us both."

You don't- you don't know what he means, and it's hard to breathe past the fear. It clicks when his hands move to your hips, gripping them tightly.

"Wait," you gasp, eyes flying wide when his fingers creep beneath the hem of your jeans. "Wait, stop-"

"Oh, look at that," he laughs, hands shoving further down until his palms wrap around your thighs. "Learned some new words, baby?"

Your eyes squeeze as your feet kick against the dirt, unable to find any traction without shoes. Scrabbling so frantically only to stay right where you're pinned only serves to work you up more, to make your heart race faster.

"You're warm," he hums, kneading at your thighs and using his wrists to force the pants down, slowly revealing more and more of your skin to the cold night air. "Gonna warm me up, lass?"

"No," you hiss, the realization of what he's going to do sinking in. Your pants are pulled down to mid thigh, keeping your thighs from spreading and leaving your backside on display. "Stop- I'll- don't you dare-"

He laughs again, landing a harsh smack to your vulnerable ass. You cut your begging off with a yelp, hips rocketing into the ground to try and escape the sting when he lands another slap.

"You tryin' to boss me around? Real cute, pup, but you don't have a leg to stand on. Stuck pinned in the dirt and still tryin' to be in charge?" He laughs again, blows shifting from slaps to taps, jiggling the fat of your ass. "Cute, bonnie. Real cute."

You fold an arm beneath your face, try to use the other to force yourself up. "Stop fucking- stop hitting me, you bastard!"

"Oh!" He cackles, his lap slap almost bruising in it's force. "She's got some spine, huh? Maybe you'll be more fun than I thought."

You snarl into the dirt, legs kicking up behind you to try and hit his back. He's too high up on your thighs o reach, and you end up kicking the air like a toddler throwing a tantrum. It only fuels your anger, makes you feel more stuck.

"Keep fightin', bonnie." He presses himself closer to your face, and you catch a glimpse of sharp teeth from your peripheral, his smile sharp. "Makes it more fun for me. Think you'll tighten up if you kick kickin' and screamin'?"

You scream, a primal sound straight from the gut as you throw your head back and to the side, trying to hit him. You somehow manage it, but you hurt yourself just as much. You cry out at the sudden pain in the back of your skull, crumbling back to the ground.

There's a loud moan over your shoulder, and his hips press into yours. He's hard to your horror, his length pressing against the softness of your ass. "Fuck, that felt good."

God, the man is disturbed.

Your attempted attack doesn't stop him from hooking his fingers in your underwear, tugging them down to rest in the crease where your thighs meet your ass.

"Pretty," he purrs, hands stroking from your rips to your jeans, hands pushing hard enough to make you whine. His treatment is all too rough, like he's trying to mold you into the shape he wants. "Can't wait to get my dick in you," he groans, groping you.

"Nooo," you whine, trying to push yourself into the dirt, like it might open you up and swallow you whole, help you escape the horror you can't do anything to stop. "You can't- you can't fuck me, please, don't-"

He moans again, and you hear the clinking of a belt being undone. "Fuck, say it again for me."

Your eyes squeeze shut. You want to be anywhere else, anywhere but here.

You feel the heat of his cock against your ass, and tears sting in your eyes. You taste dirt against your lips, feel your palms sluggishly bleed from the scrapes against the rough ground. You try to focus on everything but what the killer's doing to you, but's impossible

His palm cups your center, fingers wrapping around your vulva and holding firmly. You flinch when his middle finger works between your folds, coming to rest on your clit.

"Need to get you wet," he mumbles, starting to work at the nub to coax some pleasure out of your body. "Simon wouldn't like it if I made you bleed." He snorts, then corrects, "Well, bleeding down there. Won't be shocked if he wants to carve you up a bit."

You shiver, focused too much on staying stiff and keeping your mind as far away as possible to put off the inevitable. What he says doesn't even properly click in your mind, floating in one ear and out the other.

"There we go," he purrs, palm growing slick as your body warms to him unwillingly. He grunts as he shifts to use both hands, one focusing on your clit and the other coming back to tease at your hole.

Two fingers slip in without warning and you yelp at the sudden stretch, hips bucking back instinctively and forcing the fingers further. Your moan is pulled from your chest, part pleasure and part pain.

"You want more lass? Here, don't mind stretching you out."

The third finger comes too soon, too suddenly, and the sting edges too close to pain for you to feel good, even unwillingly.

He's got no patience at all, fingers spreading inside of you while his thumb works furiously at your clit. The mix of good and bad leaves your head clouded, tears slowing as your mind starts to float away a bit.

He moans against your back, face pressed into your shoulder. "Feel so tight, bonnie. Can't wait til you're wrapped around me, wet and tight... fuck, can't wait much longer..."

His teeth press into you throw the fabric of your shirt, the bite only slightly blunted. You breath stutters out of your chest, lips shaking. You want to fight, tell yourself that you should bite and claw and scream, but he's already proven to you that he'd only enjoy that. All you can do is lie in the dirt, lamp and shaking.

Despite all your fear and your hatred for the man over you, you wish he'd stretched you out more.

"Gotta get inside of ya," he grunts, tugging his fingers out with a terribly wet sound. You can hear him sucking your wetness off of them as he shifts further up, letting his hard length rest between your thighs. "Don't... God, you taste good, don't wanna stretch you out too much. You get it, yeah bonnie?"

You whine forlornly, turning your head to the side. You can see him over your shoulder - tall and broad, brown hair in a... mohawk?, bright teeth shown off in a smile. He ducks down while he fists his cock, dipping himself into your wetness.

Wet lips press a kiss to your cheek, a trail of that wetness left against your face. When he pulls back you see the blood dripping from his nose, sniffle at the realization that he's left his own blood over your face.

"Look pretty in red," he whispers, tone oddly soft. It tugs another tear out of you, dripping down the bridge of your nose. His free hand comes up to your face, running a finger through the tear track and sucking the drop off his fingertip. "Taste good everywhere, love."

Your eyes close when he notches himself at your hole, pressing in just enough for you to feel the stretch. He's massive, and the prospect of him shoving himself fully inside of you... you shudder, trying to loosen yourself as much as you can.

He's not kind when he pushes in. You're not sure why you hoped he would be, not with the blood-soaked chainsaw still in your line of sight. But the sudden fullness, the sting, the stretch, draws a high cry from your lips.

His groan nearly drowns out your sounds, your walls spasming around him to try and adjust. You hate that it feels so good for him when you feel like you can hardly breathe around him.

"Feels so good," he moans, words hardly enunciated, thick accent only thickened by his pleasure. You can hardly understand him, far too upset to bother translating him in your head.

"Can't-" he pants, hips jerking out just a few inches only to buck back into yours, pushing as far inside as he can. "Can't come, but can get you off, yeah?"

There's a part of you that's confused by that, that wonders what the fuck he's talking about, but a much larger part of you is focused on the slow drag inside of you.

It would feel better if you were a little wetter, a little more stretched out, but you can't change those things. You relax, try to force your body to cooperate just to make things easier. You try to lean into the parts that do feel good - the way his cock drags against all the most sensitive parts of you, the slap of his balls against your clit - and sink into that pleasant feeling instead of the adrenaline still lingering in your veins.

He doesn't speak when he fucks into you, forehead pressed into your shoulder blade as he starts to drive you truly insane. It starts feeling good quickly enough for you to forget the pain, the horror, and you gladly fall into the oblivion creeping over your mind.

It's good, as horrible as it is to think. The bastard knows what he's doing.

It's some indeterminate amount of time later when you hear the stalks shifting again, eyes flying open just in time to see a man step into the clearing.

The man over you moans when the stranger gets closer, turning his head to the side. His hips buck into you even more roughly, your thighs beginning to ache from the force.

"Simon," he calls out, and it clicks in your head.

The new man is masked and wearing all black, and you recognize him as the other killer hunting you through the maze. His mask is just as terrifying from close up as it was when you first glanced over your shoulder while running, the sight of him in the distance almost floating while surrounded by shadows.

"Bein' good, Johnny?" He rumbles, boots stopping next to the chainsaw and toeing it away.

"Yes, sir," the man over you - Johnny - grunts, thrusts erratic. "Left-left the ring on, haven't come, promise."

There's a hum from above you, the man crouching down. "Good boy. Woulda had to ruin your fun if you got yourself off."

He whines at that, and you can't help but furrow your eyebrows. The man above you going from cocky and terrifying asshole to whining and moaning above you doesn't fit with the image you'd had in your head.

"I ken. 'S why I didn't take it off, ye bawbag." Johnny's voice shakes a bit as he switches to grinding against you, hips pressed flush with yours. The sudden pressure against your clit and so deep inside of you leaves you moaning, eyes rolling back. The peak of an orgasm is right there, just out of reach, and you reach for it desperately.

"Watch it," Simon scolds, shifting forward to his knees and reaching far enough to slap Johnny, the sound echoing through the silent clearing. Your eyes fly open, instinctually flinching away.

Simon's head tilts down to you, ignoring Johnny's whine. His gloved hand comes down to rest on your face, gripping your chin and lifting enough to get a good look at your face.

"Pretty thing," he says, giving your face a little shake before letting you drop to the ground. You can't even begin to care so close to the edge, focus solely on getting off

"'S what I said."

"Hmm. Why don't you go ahead and get the poor pup off? Looks like she's cockdrunk enough as is, might as well get her the whole way there before we take her home."

"With pleasure, sir."

It's hard to focus after that point. Johnny's hand tunnels beneath your stomach and to your clit, working his hips in full thrusts and rubbing you so perfectly. It takes hardly any time at all to get you off, the perfect mix of sensations sending you flying over that edge.

You're not sure what happens between the time when you come and when Johnny pulls out. Your vision nearly whites out, moving away from the scrapes and bruises and into the pleasure gripping every muscle. It's so much easier to lean into the good than the bad, to pretend the warmth is just the pleasure instead of the man at your back.

You're brought back into the real world by the feeling of something being wrapped around your neck, left just tight enough for you to jerk, panicked you couldn't breathe.

"Hush, pup," Simon shushes when you jerk up, eyes flying wide. "Just givin' you your collar. Makin' sure anyone who spots you can take you right home, hm?"

Johnny tugs you up as Simon speaks, grip just a tad too rough on your shoulders when he pulls you up to your knees. You're still a bit out of it as he tucks your jeans and underwear up, dick hard and slick against the small of your back.

The fear comes back as you're brought to your feet by Simon, hands on your elbows tugging you up. You're unsteady on your feet, knees almost knocking together while you blearily blink up at the masked man.

The sound of metal clinking together, a small yank against your neck, is what brings you fully back into your skin. Simon clips a leash to your collar and then Johnny's, matching pink and blue leads that make your eyebrows furrow.

Johnny - shirtless, drenched in blood - smiles at you, teeth stained with his own blood.

"Come on," Simon rumbles, a sudden tug against your throat nearly sending you to your feet. "Need to get you home, pup."

Johnny catches you before you can fall, laughing as he helps you up. The sight of a black studded collar at his throat jars you, fingers lifting to feel at the fabric around your throat. It's not studded, just a soft leather with a thick ring at the front where the leash connects.

"Looks good on you," Johnny compliments, guiding you to stumble along behind Simon as the man leads you both away, into one of the entrances to the maze.

"What..." your throat is rough and you cough, heartbeat picking up. "What're you doing?"

Johnny's smile is a little condescending, almost herding you forward by staying half behind you. "Takin' you home, lass. You're the last one alive. You make a pretty final girl, bonnie."

There's a sharp yank at your collar, tugging your attention to Simon where he's glancing over his shoulder at you. "Think you'll make a good pup. Johnny's been needing a new little friend, might as well be you, hm?"

There's.... nothing really to say to that. You're too weak, too shaky to try and make a run for it. The blue leash is held loose in Simon's hand, but the pink is wrapped tight around his fist. There's no way you're strong enough to jerk it out of his hand, and even if you could you've got no way out of the maze - they already found you first.

Johnny's hand nudges you forward, almost making you fall. He moves to walk beside you, shoulders almost rubbing together. You think the expression he shoots you is supposed to be comforting, but it's anything but.

You breathe deeply, head beginning to throb again, and hope you have the strength to survive what they'll do to you.

[theglassofmiddleearth]

Just a little turned around.

Honestly, it wasn’t as if Y/N was defenceless.

It just so happened that on this one damn day, some asshole had managed to pickpocket her pouch. Not her wallet (that was back at the hotel), not her phone, just her money pouch, which contained the currency of the foreign country she was in. Being prepared and somewhat responsible, Y/N had only put in a day's worth of money into that pouch. In fact, it amazed her how he hadn't gone for her passport or even her phone. No, just the thing that would be most inconvenient for her.

Staring a hole into the ground, she pressed her fingertips to her forehead in an attempt to calm herself down and gather her thoughts. She had chased this slippery bastard all the way to this street where he turned the corner and into a dead end. Then he-, wait.

Y/N straightened up and her eyes darted around frantically. Where was she?

Nothing was familiar. A cafe on the cobbled stone street, a flower shop and a bakery. None of which she had seen before.

Wonderful, now, as well as having no money in a foreign country, she was bloody lost.

“Fuck me dead and sideways till Monday morning.” She huffed, while once again rubbing her forehead with her hand. Honestly, at this point, nothing could particularly get worse.

“That coul’ be arranged!” An accented voice called out from behind her. Scottish perhaps?

“Has a mouth on her.” Another replied in amusement while another voice just grunted in acknowledgement.

Y/N turned around to spit back a witty retort that quickly died on her lips.

“Uh..” She stuttered out intelligently.

Three men, each a prepossessing sight. One was wearing a cap, a blue denim jacket and some black jeans. He was brown eyed and dark skinned, nothing short of a model. His friend was leaning on him, crossed arms, a short mohawk, blue eyes, scruffy looking beard and a cheeky looking smirk. He donned a biker jacket with the small Scottish flag where his breast pocket would be and seemed to be wearing dog tags over his grey t-shirt. The last of them was a hulking man dressed fully in black, his face was obscured with a face mask akin to those of celebrities, however his presence was less of a star and more intimidating. Almost menacing. Maybe he was their bodyguard?

Y/N shook her head and replied,

“Yeah no thanks mate, I’ve got a bit on my plate at the moment, maybe in another life?” She nodded at the three before turning back around and walking towards the coffee shop.

“Oi, Bonnie, we can help ya if ya need. Besides, yer lookin' a bit peely wally.” The man with the mohawk called out.

“What the bloody hell are you on about mate.” Y/N asked, bewildered clearly not understanding the Scottish man's accent.

“ He thinks you look pale.” The large figure behind him rumbled helpfully.

Y/N blinked,

“Is he saying I look sickly?” She turned around and glowered at the man.

“No love, what we mean to say is, you look like you need some help?” The man with the baseball cap stepped forward carefully, as if not to spook her.

“Well, unless you’ve got a tracker dog, a body bag and a large metal pipe, I don't think you’re going to be much help to me.” She crossed her arms defiantly.

“Tha’ can be arranged bonnie.” The mischievous looking man grinned, stepping up while the man behind him followed while giving a non committal grunt.

“I’m Kyle, the annoying one is Johnny and that’s-”

“Simon.” The masked man grumbled while the other two threw a quick look at the third man.

She wrinkled her nose.

“Y/N, pleasure to meet you.” She nodded at the men before sighing, “Alright, I’m here for a holiday, trying to feel out if I wanna move out here for work. I was just takin’ a look around when some asshat came up and fell on me and grabbed my money pouch.” She spoke quickly, somewhat embarrassed that she was admitting to three strangers that she had been duped so easily.

“Ah lovie, unless you remember what he looks like or what he was wearin’ s’ gonna be hard for you to get it back. Do you remember how much you had in there?”

She shrugged, “It was meant to get me lunch and dinner before I checked out of my current hotel to find another one. The rest of the cash is in my hotel room.” She hung her head and sighed.

“Honestly I just need to find my way back and then I can sleep over things. I can skip a meal or two.”

“Gonny no dae that!” Johnny exclaimed, “Yer look like yer already skippin’ meals lass. We’ll take you to lunch and dinner! We got nothin’ ta do anyways!”

The one dressed in all black, Simon was it? Grunted out an agreement.

“You ain't gonna find much around here. You’re not far away from the military base.”

“Whaddya you say love? Let us show you around?” Kyle hummed, cocking his head akin to a begging puppy.

Y/N quirked her lips in thought. Would it be a smart move to let these strangers escort her around? Was she hungry enough to make a questionable decision?

“Well…”

“We’re not strange men, we promise miss.” The taller Brit offered.

“That's exactly what a strange man would say LT.”Johnny quipped, earning a light bonk on the head from the taller man.

Y/N shoulders relaxed when they saw the playful display of banter between the men. Surely this meant they were safe. Right?

[jackassbrainrot]

could you pretty pretty pls write about ehren? I like the idea of him comforting someone because he knows what it’s like to be not taken seriously or be made the butt of the joke a lot… obvs it’s up to you but thanks for your time!!

uncool as me [danger ehren x gn!reader]

desc: ehren comforts you after a hard day on set

a/n: EHREN MY BABYYYY <33 first time writing him so idk how good it is but I should absolutely write more of him! thank u for the req and hope you enjoy it <3

warnings: hurt comfort, kinda angsty at the beginning but mostly fluffy

word count: 534

You sat behind a trailer, your forehead resting on your knees which were pressed to your chest, hands wrapped around your legs. You just needed a moment to yourself. It has been a long day.

It's not that picking on each other was a rare occurrence on set, for god's sake, it's Jackass. But you felt like every joke today was on you. You couldn't think of one moment when Bam wasn't trying to fuck with you, messing up your stunts, or when Johnny wasn't throwing jabs your way, his sickly sweet southern accent failing to mask the malice in his voice for once.

Hearing footsteps approaching, you try to compose yourself as much as you can. "You're in my spot." Ehren's soft voice surprises you, since you were prepared to be laughed at again. "Sorry." You mumble out, going to stand up before you feel his gentle hand on your shoulder as he sits down next to you. "No need to, I was kind of expecting to find you here." You cock your head to the side slightly, a confused look on your face.

"This is usually where I go when I get it that bad too." He says sympathetically, offering you a knowing smile. "Yeah, I guess it's worse for you, isn't it?" You breathe out, mirroring his smile. "You get used to it." He shrugs his shoulders. "It's not like they really mean it anyway, they're just natural assholes."

Laughing at his comment, you think to yourself that's why it's called jackass. "They don't get it as bad, though." You say somewhat sadly. "Because Bam will cry if you say anything to him, and Knoxville will get Tremaine on your ass, the bastard." That last comment is said so sincerely, you were sure it has happened to him before. "And Preston gets it real bad too! And O had a fish hook in his mouth! And-" You listened to him ramble about every shitty stunt the guys had to do, retelling every moment someone got messed with on set.

As you listen to his stories, you feel your mood getting better, his sincere attempt at cheering you up succeeding. "-and in any case, you'll never get it as bad as me!" He beams as if it's a good thing, his goofy smile making you smile too. "You're such a dork, Danger." You lean into him, your head resting on his shoulder, sides pressed together. You feel his skin heating up, a blush spreading over it at the contact. He sheepishly wraps his arm around your shoulder.

"We're both equally uncool and I think that's cool!" He exclaims excitedly, making you melt and cuddle closer to him. "I think you're cool too, Ehren." You say into his shoulder, wrapping your hands around his waist, hugging him tighly. He hugs you back, arms wrapped around your shoulders, a goofy smile on his face that you couldn't see.

"Where the fuck are those two losers!?" You hear a yell from behind the trailer, causing you both to laugh before getting up and running back to work. Suddenly, everyone's annoying comments were affecting you less, stealing glances at Ehren for the rest of the day.

[creptolli]

Distance

Gaz x Reader oneshot with a GN!Reader :3

Word Count: 989 Words.

Warnings: None!! Just fluff :DD

Messaging your boyfriend felt like the only way you two communicated lately, only ever getting to see half photos of him before he has to put his phone down and continue his day like you don't exist. Sometimes, just sometimes, it makes you feel like shit. Not bullshit, but dogshit at the least. 

You are well aware that it is far from his choice, which makes you feel even worse. It's not like you can tell him, he can't do anything about it. So instead, you put up with it. Like always.

This entire thought process is swiftly cut off by ringing. You let out a sigh of relief to distinctly see the name 'LOML <333'.

"Love! Look!" Kyle cheerily whisper-yelled at his brightly lit phone illuminating the mildly dark room he was sat in, flipping it to reveal a very neatly presented barrack. "It took me so bloody long, but I finally got it perfectly cleaned up." He said exasperated, clearly proud of his work. You couldn't help but chuckle at his adorable behaviour, gladly assuring him that he did a good job. "You do realise you're going to mess that very tightly done bed up when you sleep in like, what, twenty minutes?" You said playfully.

"..." Radio silence. 

"Okay so while you're technically right-" He began rambling, only causing you to laugh once again. Despite the distance and blank spots between talking, sometimes going even weeks without seeing anything from each other, it was worth it. For this, for him, it was worth it.

After noticing a good thirty, maybe forty seconds of silence on his end, you spoke up. "You okay-?" Before being quickly cut off by a yell and a blurred screen. You could barely see or hear what was happening, just the occasional inaudible "Oi give it back-!"  that you could obviously tell was your beloved boyfriends voice. "Kyle.. You good..?" You trailed, doubting he would hear. It was only when a new face - well, somewhat familiar face - popped onto the still mostly blurred screen bobbing up and down that you fully grasped what was happening.

"Hi?" You awkwardly asked the man who you could barely recognise to be Johnny with a smile. Kyle had mentioned him before as well as a small image from a distance that he clearly sniped. "Oh hello! You look good, you 'is partner?" The harshly Scottish man asked while slightly out of breath, undoubtedly running from your boyfriend. "Yeah, he didn't mention you were Scottish." You said with a chuckle, experiencing what you can only imagine to be whiplash from the sudden accent shock. "Oh so 'e mentioned me?" Probably not what you meant for him to focus on in that sentence, but it was funny nonetheless. "Once or, well once." You filled the sound of his hard breathing and footsteps with mindless babbles, introducing yourself as you could see his eyes dart behind and in front of him.

"OH SHITE-" You hear him yell as he crashes into something, or someone. From your end, it was hilarious. From his, probably not so much. 

"Finally caught you, you bloody weasel." You recognise Kyle say to him as he attempts to snatch the phone back. Which is only prevented by someone else - the person Johnny crashed into - picking up the phone instead.

"What the fuck - who the fuck is this?" You hear a deep English accent ask as he moves his eyes from you to the men in front of him. At this point, your camera was angled to the roof, feeling the need to hide yourself away from this part of the conversation. Yet your curiosity and need for drama kept you closely listening.

"It's nobody, give me my phone back Simon-" Kyle pleaded, reaching for his phone as you now saw the man, Simon. He wore a black balaclava with a skull mask on it, which only made you wonder if he always wore it. Obviously it was late at night in the barracks, was he just... always wearing it? Kyle hadn't mentioned him before, so your interest was piqued. 

"It's 'is partner~" You heard Johnny tease in a sing-songy tone before getting slapped on the back of the head by Kyle. "Jesus, you just gotta let everyone know?" He said, evidently annoyed by the invasion of privacy. You found it funny, but you probably weren't going to let your boyfriend know that until later.

"So this is what all that bloody commotion was about?" Simon asked referring to the running all across the barracks, sounding somewhat frustrated. "Um. Maybe." Kyle awkwardly answered, glaring down at Johnny. "Be quieter next time, Jesus." Simon muttered with a disapproving tone. "Sorry L.T." Johnny said reaching back up for the phone, which was quickly recoiled back. "Uh uh, this is mine now. Someone's gotta teach ya to be bloody quiet, it's like fuckin' 10:30PM." Simon scolded, your face partially being visible on the screen held above his head. "Wha', got a bed time L.T?" Johnny mockingly asked, only to be responded with a pestering reminder of the training they have to start tomorrow.

"That's unfair, I didn't choose for my bloody phone to be stolen!" Kyle protested, gesturing to Johnny who was brushing himself off after the tumble he took. "Oi, no' my fault. I' was so easy, you were practically askin' for it!" Johnny said, chuckling as he saw half of your face curiously stalking the conversation safely from your room back home. "Aight, enough bickering you dumbasses. See you in the mornin'" Simon said as he walked off from the two whisper arguing.

"Night love!" Kyle called out in a hushed shout as he slapped Johnny on the back of the head, annoyed by the whole fiasco. 

Just as speedily as the call began, it ended. The large man - Simon - hung it up the moment he made space between your boyfriend and him.

Hm. That was... normal..

[ironladders]

how do you picture syzoth and ashrahs proposal/engagement period/wedding to be

so i had to think about this & admittedly i was stumped (i’ve never been to a wedding so i have no idea what they’re actually like. i dont trust tv shows to be honest to me) but here’s some thoughts after letting this idea marinate in my brain a bit:

syzoth cries

initially for the actual wedding syzoth was planning on staying in his human form the whole ceremony but ashrah insisted that if he wanted to be in his zaterran form as well then he should be. she loves syzoth for who is he and knows that he has lots of pride in his zaterran heritage. because of that though they end up needing to hunt down formal attire specifically for zaterrans

i think syzoth proposes, but ashrah is the first one to actually bring up wanting marriage. idk if she’d be ready for it before she feels that she’s absolved (however that looks like & whether datusha is still in the picture or not), and syzoth would be aware of this and understand. so it takes ashrah bringing up the idea as something she’d want to actually happen in order for syzoth to begin planning

the actual proposal is extremely private, if any other parties know about it then it’s only a select few people that 1) can shut up and keep a secret 2) are only informed so they can be out of the way/not interfere

they don’t have traditional rings they have some sort of necklace. if they decide to get rings though they’d be added to the necklace

wedding guest list is just sareena + their friends. no other family since ashrah’s other sisters are dead & wherever syzoth’s blood relatives are, they seem to be out of the picture

tbh i have no idea where exactly they’d get married. i was gonna say they have the wedding at wu shi because maybe that’s where their relationship started to develop before syzoth became emissary in outworld so it could have some sentimental value. but the last wedding that was attempted there got attacked so perhaps that is a bad sign

there is an intro with kenshi where syzoth mentions that after he retires from his job as mileena’s emissary he could become one of liu kang’s champions, so to me that implies that he’d probably move to earthrealm with ashrah rather than stay in outworld. so i think that regardless of where the wedding is it’ll be somewhere in earthrealm, unless ashzoth decide to vacation to earthrealm idk

ashrah’s wedding dress, as with all her looks, is white with some gold accents. syzoth i can’t decide….. i have no idea what a zaterran wedding outfit would look like but i feel like it’d have to be in his signature colors. or maybe to match ashrah it could be white with green accents????

they cant have a wedding cake because syzoth cannot stomach human food :(

madam bo does catering

ashrah and syzoth dont want anything crazy for the actual wedding reception but johnny is extremely insistent on throwing them an engagement party at his place. crazy parties are not their style but for the sake of their human friends they just go along with it

ive talked a lot about the actual wedding but i think for the engagement period they wouldn’t rush planning the wedding? depending on where ashrah and syzoth both are in their lives they’re probably content with being just engaged and then not immediately having a ceremony. if anything they seem the type to get engaged, get legally married, and then have an actual ceremony with everyone else later one

ok that’s all i have 🤸‍♂️

[thesilliestgooberao3]

Ghost is ticklish and Soap finds out

Originally posted on Ao3 (repost because my account shit itself lmao)

Fluff, Not Beta Read, author tried their best to write a scottish accent, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Homophobia(but its like one sentence)

WC 973

Ghost, the living enigma, an infamous legend, a nightmare-inducing powerhouse had a secret. Well technically it wasn’t a secret, it was a normal human reaction. But for such a terrifying man, normal human functions were not really thought about. He was only thought of as a tool for killing. 

His “big secret” was that he was ticklish, like very ticklish. Many thought he didn’t like physical touch because he was some kind of monster and the touch from humans ate away and dissolved his skin but he was actually just some guy that happened to be ticklish. Ghost didn’t want people to know because he thought if people knew they would think he was weak, and the thought of being seen as weak sent him into a spiral. So he just kept up the “big mystery man” act.

Thankfully many people respected his wishes to not be touched, likely out of fear that he would snap them in half but whatever. But one person likes pushing Ghost’s boundary, his name was Soap. The first time they met Soap had lightly punched Ghost on the shoulder. Luckily Soap touches were never anywhere near where Ghost was ticklish, which was his neck area, armpit, and hips. 

Unwillingly, Ghost grew closer to Soap, the man had a nice face, was easy to talk to, and put up with Ghost’s never ending supply of dad jokes. He was perfect friend material in Ghost’s book. 

Everyday they would eat together in the cafeteria, train and gossip about the rookies, and Ghost would annihilate him in Uno. It was great. Soap managed to wiggle his way in Ghost’s cold heart and his mind and within a little over a year they started dating. 

Ghost didn’t have a lot of experience when it came to dating, he had none in fact. Everyone in the town he grew up in had it engraved in their minds that being gay was a sin and so Ghost kept his mouth shut. Soap was willing to help him learn how to open up and was very respectful of his boundaries, except for the physical touch one, but Ghost never mentioned anything about it. The first time Soap ever came up behind him and hugged him from behind Ghost nearly snapped his neck, he’s gotten better with sudden touch but sometimes he can’t himself and utilise his knowledge of violence. 

However Soap had started an obsession for Ghost, he loved hugging his lover and if he couldn’t do that, he would be touching him in some other way like lurking right behind him. When Ghost had found out that Soap was ticklish in the area where his skull met the back of his neck, he teased him relentlessly. When Soap was talking to some rookies, Ghost would come up behind him and brush his fingertips against his neck and chuckle when Soap flinched and quickly threw his head back and raised his shoulders to scrunch up his neck. 

One day Ghost and Soap were hanging out in Soap’s room and Ghost was up to usual antics. Soap quickly turned around and attempted to wave away Ghost, “Yer always tickling me, don't ye have anything better to do?”

“No, and even if I did, bugging you is way more fun” Ghost bluntly responded with a smile clearly lacing his words.

“Leave me alone won't cha’? How would you feel if someone kept randomly coming up to ye and tickling ye?”

“I wouldn’t know because it’s never happened to me”

“How about I make it happen?”

“Wha-” Ghost barely had time to register what was happening before Soap had his hand up and tickled Ghost’s neck. Soap had pulled the fabric of his mask up to actually make contact with Ghost’s skin and was pleasantly surprised when Ghost tensed up the same way he did and was letting out small laughs. 

Ghost had started backing up in a pitiful attempt to get away and Soap followed him, the movement helping Soap when he found a spot that made Simon let out a small wheeze. The massive grin that grew on Johnny’s face from being able to make Simon let out such a noise hurt, Johnny didn’t think he’d ever smiled so big and hard before. Simon’s laughs only increased when Johnny made a leap of fate and quickly went for the man’s armpit. The small squeak of surprise followed by an ever harder wheeze had Johnny’s ego through the roof.

Johnny pulled back for a second to give Simon some time to properly breathe and make sure he wasn’t doing anything wrong. With a giant shit-eating grin and the most adoring eyes, Johnny watched as Simon continued laughing as he calmed down, reaching his hands up to lightly grab onto Johnny’s forearms, “How was that fer gettin’ tickled out of nowhere constantly?”

“I still don’t know, that was only out of nowhere once”

Before Johnny could go and start tickling Simon again, Simon grabbed the Scot’s wrist’s and held them in place, “You better grow eyes on the back of yer head luv, I’m gonna be sneakin’ up behind ye and tickling ye, see how you like it” Johnny said with a smug grin.

“I already have eyes in the back of my head and for someone in the military you are awful at being quiet and sneaking up on people”

“Hey! I’m good at being quiet!”

“That’s the biggest lie you’ve ever told, you’re good at clearing house but when it comes to being quiet you're dogshite”

Johnny let out unintelligible mumbles, likely swearing but was cut off when Simon grabbed his face and pulled him in for a kiss. He squeaked in surprise before relaxing into the kiss. The moment was oh so beautiful and Johnny couldn't help but ruin it by tickling Simon again.

-

Masterlist

[injestedsoap]

Graves Likes Soap

Chapter one on ao3!

Music

The Shadow base smelled like sweat and beef and Soap crinkled his nose when he didn’t think their host, Phillip Graves, was watching. Ghost was looking over some security information before they headed back to their own base which left Soap to kind of meander aimlessly as he attempted to avoid Graves. Soap wasn’t sure if it was a professional thing or, fucking Christ forbid, a crush, but Graves would not leave him alone. Ghost was being about as helpful as someone who found the whole thing funny could be. He didn’t leave Soap alone with Graves if he could help it (“It’s not that I don’t think you can’t take care of yourself, you’re just so small I worry if I turn my back long enough he’ll tuck you in his pocket and walk away.” “Fuck you”) but he sure had fun standing quietly next to Soap while Graves did his flirting or networking or whatever. 

“Oi,”

Soap turned around and hailed his Lt as Ghost strode up to him and they matched step on their way to the car park. “All done ‘ere, Johnny.” 

“Thank god, let’s get out of here.” 

“Why? You don’t want to–?” 

“MacTavish! There you are!” 

Soap shot a look at Ghost that screamed you did this before turning around with a fake smile to greet Phillip Graves. 

“Graves.” He greeted. 

“Well damn, son, I knew you were supposed to be here, I had planned to give you the tour.” 

 “Ach,” Soap said, “We were just leaving, sir.” 

“You sure you can’t stick around for a bit?” 

“No, we have orders to get back as soon as we finish up here.” Soap lied. They were free for the rest of the day, he had been planning to see if they could find a place to eat before they got back. 

“Ah well, next time don’t be a stranger, alright?” Graves reached out and clapped his arm, his hand lingering for just long enough that Soap had to shake him off, next to him he felt Ghost shift closer. “Oh, by the way, I took the liberty of setting aside a Jeep for your use while you’re here, the gas is on my dime, of course.” 

“That’s very generous of you,” Soap said. 

“Hey listen, Shadow can afford it, you boys enjoy,” He nodded to Soap, his eyes barely passing over Ghost before leaning in and whispering “By the way I, uh, left a little present in the Jeep for you, just something to make you feel a little more comfortable.” 

Soap was saved from having to say something by Ghost loudly saying “Come on, Johnny, you can make friends later.” 

Soap made a face that he hoped could be interpreted as apologetic and not relieved as he trotted after Ghost. 

The moment Soap thought it was safe he hissed “Do you think he shit in the jeep?” 

“I don’t know, I didn’t see him while I was shitting in the jeep.”

Soap yelped a startled laugh and punched Ghost on the arm. “Lord, I do not like that man.” Soap said, shaking his head. “Makes me feel slimy.” 

“Mmh,” Ghost grunted in agreement as they opened the doors to their Jeep. It appeared to be free of shit and Soap patted down his seat before climbing in. “Nothing weird on my side, you?” 

“Nah,” Ghost climbed into the driver’s side. “What are the odds the car explodes when I start it?” 

Soap tensed up dramatically when the engine turned over but nothing happened… at first. 

“They may take our lives!” A horrible Scottish accent suddenly yelled, causing the two men to jump, “But they can never take our freedom! Heh, just a little taste of my scottie, MacTavish.” 

There was a dawning horror as Soap realized Grave’s voice was coming out of the speaker of the Jeep. For a chilling moment Soap thought this might be a talking to them via a radio that couldn’t be disconnected, he’d be their permanent JARVIS for the duration of their stay. And then, somehow, it got worse.  

“Anyway, the radio stations here are all pretty shit so I figured I could be your own personal DJ, I was able to pack the 20 best songs onto this CD so enjoy!” 

The transition into Centerfold was drowned out by a violent swearing streak from Soap and the loudest laugh he had ever heard come out of Ghost’s mask. 

“FUCKING TURN IT OFF!” Soap yelled smacking at the console until the CD mercifully stopped. Soap threw the CD into the glove box like it was a spider with a gun and kicked it shut. 

“Bloody fucking hell.” He gasped. 

In the driver’s seat Ghost was still choking on laughter. 

“We can’t fucking stay here, man. He’s going to skin me or something.” Soap groaned and rubbed his eyes. 

“D’you think he’s gonna call Price?” Ghost asked through bursts of laughter, “Ask if he can take you out for milkshakes?” 

“Price better say no!” Soap yelled.

“I’m sure he will,” Ghost reassured, his voice still breathless with laughter, as he reached to fiddle with a pocket on his chest, “I don’t think Graves can pay your dowry.” 

“Sure, right,” Soap rubbed at the headache that was blooming behind his eyes, “I’m worth a few goats, aren’t I?” 

There was a moment of quiet and then, softly, Ghost said “If he bothers you let me know, alright?” 

Soap started to say he could take care of himself, he didn’t need Ghost to be his guard dog, then he sighed, felt himself relax a little and nodded. “Yeah, thank you.” 

“Good lad… now do you want to listen to some music?” 

“Ghost I swear to god–” 

He made an aborted reach for the CD Ghost pushed into the player and then stopped, a smile creeping across his face, as Take It Off by Kesha started playing. Soap sat back in his seat, his smile widening by the second. 

“I love this song.” He said, his voice giddy with surprise. 

“I know.” Ghost replied, handing him a jewel case that had a printed track list in the front. 

“I love all of these songs!” Soap laughed, “Where did you get this?” 

“Made it.” 

“What?” Soap fully turned in his seat, leaning across the gear shift to make sure he heard right, “I’m sorry what? ”

“I’ll throw it out the bloody window if you’re going to be a prick about it.” 

“Don’t you dare,” Soap caught his wrist mid reach, “Do this,” he said, redirecting it to the volume dial and using Ghost’s hand to turn it up. 

“Don’t make me regret this.” 

“Can’t hear you!” Soap yelled back, already bouncing in his seat and pointing at the speaker “Kesha!” 

Headache forgotten and slimy feeling under his skin dissipated Soap yelled along to girl pop the whole drive back. 

[valleyrunearchives]

You Missed

Rating: Teen and Above Fandom: Call of Duty Pairings: John "Soap" MacTavish/Simon "Ghost "Riley

Chapter 1/1

“So… tell me again how this happened?” John “Soap” MacTavish asks teasingly as he dabs at a cut on Ghost’s forehead with an antiseptic swab. Hazel eyes dart over to glare at him. Soap just grins at the sight of them. A frustrated huff leaves the nose of his lieutenant as his eyes move back to staring straight ahead.

OR

Ghost gets Soap to give him a bit of first aid after taking an accidental knife slice to the head.

Click Here to Read on AO3!

“So… tell me again how this happened?” John “Soap” MacTavish asks teasingly as he dabs at a cut on Ghost’s forehead with an antiseptic swab. Hazel eyes dart over to glare at him. Soap just grins at the sight of them. A frustrated huff leaves the nose of his lieutenant as his eyes move back to staring straight ahead.

“I don’t know why I have to reiterate it,” he grumbles, “You were there.”

“Yeah. But I just think it’s hilarious to hear you got a slice to the head by a flyaway knife from Gaz!” Soap snickers, “‘Sides, does my ego good to hear you only trust me with patching you up!”

“You’re starting to make me regret saying that, Johnny,” Ghost tells him sternly.

“Haud yer wheest! Ya do not!” Soap laughs out, accent a bit thicker in his mirth, “You like it when I take care of ya!”   

“That’s it, I'm going to the med bay,” Ghost snatches up his mask from where it was laying on the desk in Soap’s barrack. Soap immediately sobers and snatches him up around the waist. He may not be as tall as the Ghost but he knows how to throw his weight around enough to manhandle him back into the chair. “Absolutely not! You wanted me to patch you up so I’ll patch you up! I’m just…” He looks for the right term to call it, “Honored? Honored, I suppose. That you trust me so much with tending a wound on your ever elusive face.”

“Why is that so odd?” Ghost’s eyebrow raises at that with a hint of a wince as the wound pulls from the action, causing the cut on his forehead to sluggishly bleed a bit more. Soap swears and presses the antiseptic swab onto the wound to try and get the bleeding to stop again.   

"Hold still! And well I just mean I don't think this situation would occur without our… 'insubordination.'" He snickers as Ghost groans and mumbles out something about not calling it that. He sobered and continued to tend to the wound with a soft smile, "It's different than when you showed your face to all of us as a sign of trust when we formed Ghost Team. Our relationship is new and letting me see your face for this long? Tend to wounds on it? It shows me that you trust me with more than what you gave the team. You trust me with your time. With your vulnerability. You feel safe with me. That makes me feel honored."

"Bloody sap…" Ghost grumbles but a slight pinkness clings to his cheeks, "Of course I trust you. Of course I'm safe with you. You're you, Johnny. Regardless of our relationship, anybody who doesn't is daft."

Soap smiles but doesn't respond. He knows Ghost doesn't quite get it. Not the way Soap wants him to. He's heard the rumors about the soulless Ghost that roams the base. That the rookies all watch themselves more when training with Ghost. That the other teams tiptoe around him, fearful of incurring his wrath. The only ones who don't, who treat him like the human he actually is, is the 141. And Soap especially falls into that category.

Ghost doesn't mind this reputation. He thrives off of it even. He's purposely built the walls around him so high that no one sane enough would attempt to break or scale them. Johnny, crazily and like the demo expert he is, didn't let mere walls stop him. In fact, he did his very best to break them down on his own. But at some point in his endless battle to get past the wall to Ghost, Simon heard him trying to get through and broke down part of the wall himself to meet him halfway. That's why Soap was still honored anytime the Ghost let his walls down around him; Let himself just be Simon around Johnny. 

He finishes up his patching of the wound with a fairly large bandage to cover the slice. "There ya are! All done!" He says matter of factly, "Don't suppose you want a kiss for it, do ya?"

Ghost stares at him blankly before saying, "... Might as well. If you're offering."

Soap snickers again but does lean down to press a kiss right over the bandage; just like his Ma used to do when he was a wee lad. He grins at Ghost as the man blinks at him.

"Johnny…" His tone is a warning growl.

Soap blinks, confused about what he could've done to warrant this, "Yeah?"

"You missed."

Before Soap can process what that means, Ghost grabs him around the back of the neck with a heavy hand and yanks him down. Scarred and chapped lips press into his own in a way that makes him sigh with both shock and sweet pleasure. He only gets half a brain cell back to kiss him back for a split second before the man is pulling away again. Soap doesn't whine at the loss of his kiss but it's a near thing. With a smirk that's purely Simon, the mask is pulled back into place, "Much better."

Soap stares at him in slight shock before laughing lowly, giddiness bubbling up inside him. He shakes his head fondly before waving his hand, "Gaun with ya! Get aut of me barrack!"

Ghost stands up with a bit of a grunt before joking, "I'll be sure to come back if I need more of Nurse MacTavish's amazing skills."

The man is smug so Soap waits until he's got his back to him to head to the door before reaching out to land a solid smack on the other's arse. He jolts Ghost a few steps and his head whips back to glare at Soap. The shorter man knows that there's pink under that balaclava though so he just grins, "Don't make it too many times. Might have to start charging a consultation fee if ya do. NHS be damned. Personal house calls are very pricey, Lt."

The Brit huffs before stalking out of the room without another word. Soap snickers to himself this time. He loves that man. 

He jolts and freezes at that thought. Oh fucking shite. He raises a hand to cover his now grinning mouth. He loves that man!

[laiqualaurelote]

Three-Legged Puppy Fics

List five of your least-popular fics, as well as when/why you wrote them.

we don't print retractions: Hamilton (Angelica Schuyler/John Barker Church, Alexander Hamilton/Eliza Schuyler, 2021)

This is a Hamilton AU where everyone works in journalism (except Peggy. Peggy works in marketing). It came to me because of the line from Washington On My Side - "we smack each other in the press and we don't print retractions" - and then I thought, what if they were the press? and also there really isn't enough good Angelica POV in this fandom when she is competent and ambitious and yes she and Hamilton have chemistry but what if they were also colleagues on the same footing, competing for the same front page? and so is Burr, while dying slowly of FOMO? Thomas Jefferson as the news editor from hell who probably once was a very good reporter but should absolutely not have been allowed to supervise other people? Eliza as the world's sweetest copyed? You just know Alexander would go ham if he got his own podcast. I have thought of journalism AUs for every fandom I have been in, it's just a question of fruition.

ain't practical, a world you can't touch: The English (Cornelia/Eli, 2022)

This was a Pushing Daisies AU prompted by a throwaway line in @sagiow's fic about Cornelia baking pies with her son. Many of my fic premises also come from taking things people say in shows literally and so when Eli said, "Ain't practical, a world you can't touch," a lightbulb went off in my head and then it became a way of giving them something better while taking away something else, an exchange that for me is necessary in any attempted fix-it for The English.

The Seven People You Meet In Mexico: The Sandman/Once Upon A Time In Mexico crossover (AO3 timestamp for this is 2013, which is when I got my account, but I'm gonna say 2007? 2008?)

When I was a teenager I had a Robert Rodriguez phase and a Johnny Depp phase (the latter has aged poorly) and the two dovetailed spectacularly in Once Upon A Time In Mexico. I honestly can't remember how this fic came about - maybe because it occurred to me that Sands probably was already acquainted with Delirium, and then it was just a question of him and El Mariachi meeting all the other Endless. It's been really strange revisiting this bit of juvenilia, especially after the Sandman Netflix.

Solving Your Life One Problem At A Time: Inglourious Basterds (Donny Donowitz/Smithson Utivich, 2010)

I also had a Tarantino phase as a teenager, and spent a heady few months in the Inglourious Basterds LiveJournal community (never been in a fandom with so much Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, ground was positively littered with them). This is a canon-divergent AU in which Operation Kino does not happen and nearly all the Basterds survive WWII; what would these completely deranged people do after the war in a civilian context? I have been thinking about Inglourious Basterds again recently because I am trying to learn Italian but I feel like Brad Pitt saying "Buongiorno" in the most godawful accent.

The Happiness Of Having Her With Me Unto Death: Great Expectations (one-sided Pip/Estella Havisham, 2009)

As part of my A-level revision I decided to write zombie apocalypse AUs for all of my literature texts. I managed Great Expectations and Proof (the David Auburn play about mathematics) but could not make zombie!Hamlet work.

I have always been obsessed with Estella Havisham. Someday I will write the AU where she arranges the "accidental" death of her abusive husband and teams up with Éponine Thénardier from Les Misérables and Maggie Tulliver from The Mill on the Floss, who have both survived their respective novels, to run a criminal empire. Estella is the Face, Maggie is the Brains and 'Ponine, she knows her way around. They blackmail Jaggers into helping them dodge the law. By the time Estella meets Pip again she is queen of the London underworld. She has finally, truly become her father's daughter.

Thank you @leupagus for the tag forever ago! Tagging - anyone who would like to give their rare fics some love. While we are at it I should add that @leupagus is one of the loveliest people I've had the good fortune to meet through fandom, she has been so kind to me even though she has no idea who I am, I could be a mermaid in a cistern for all she knows.

[ihatehowicraveyou]

Beach Party

TW/CW: attempted suicide, minor violence, suggestive themes, the smallest mention of alcohol

------------------------------------------------------------------------------james pov -

—————————-

It was getting dark, earlier at school the guy, his name was Johnny. Johnny invited me to a beach party that was happening not far from where I live. I decided “Why not go?” I got dressed in my casual gray sweats and A saturated red hoodie with a white tank top underneath. It was almost time for me to leave before my mother stopped me. 

“Where do you think you're going this late at night young man?” She questioned.

“I'm going to the beach with a friend of mine, his name's Johnny.” I said with an annoyed look on my face.

“Don't get STDS now!” my mother yelled as I was leaving. My face immediately turned red as I walked to my bike on the side of the house. I started riding to the beach and as soon as I got there I saw him, Johnny. I dunno what happened but my heart was racing and there was butterflies in my stomach. We made eye contact and I saw a smile formed on his face, he motioned me to come over and so I did.

“Wanna drink my kind sir?” Johnny said with a silly accent. 

“Why yes I would.” I say back in a even more silly accent. 

We both started to laugh at our goofy voice impressions. We went to the cooler right by Toby. Oh, it's Toby. I guess Johnny could see that I was uncomfortable around Toby.

“Here,” He handed me a drink. “Lets sit over there.” He pointed to a less crowded area. He grabbed me by the hand and I could feel my heart skip a beat. 

tobias pov -

—————————

I was standing next to the drink cooler before I saw it, by it I mean them. It was Johnny and James. I could see the sparkle in James' eyes when Johnny grabbed his hand. I couldn't help but be annoyed, I was looking at them from afar till I saw Johnny grab James by the hand and lead him to the bathroom… I dunno what possessed me to walk over there but I did, more angrier than before. I busted into the bathroom to see them passionately making-out and having their hands all over each other. They both stopped in their tracks and looked at me surprised. I could tell James was flustered. I looked at them with angry face before pushing Johnny off of James. 

“What do you want now? Are you mad because the person you bully finally found some to rest his head on?!” Johnny said with a scowl on his face. 

I looked over at James to see he was… Scared? “Was I the one who made him scared?” I thought to myself. But before I could even think of something else I got pushed to the ground. Johnny had pushed me! That gay freak had pushed me! 

Johnny and James immediately ran out. I stayed there on the ground, In shock of what just happened. Why did he? Wait, why should I care about them and if they smash their faces together? Why do I care that James is off with someone else? 

“Why..?” I mumbled to myself before getting up and brushing off my pants. I walked out to look around to see James and Johnny nowhere. I was stunned the whole night. I was riding home on my motorcycle when I saw James waving to Johnny as Johnny walked inside a house. James got on his bike and started his way home. Or is what I would think if I had not followed him. Turns out he went to a disclosed spot that not many people knew about, It was a little cliff of rock hanging over the edge of the beach water. James just stood there. Before jumping into the water. Why did he jump into the water? I walked over to see if he had come out of the water, but he hadn't resurfaced. A minute passed and I was worried. I immediately jumped in the water, the salt burning my nose and eyes. I was frantically looking for him. Before I had felt a hand brush up against my thigh. I grabbed the hand and rushed to the surface to see that James had been passed out. I rushed to the sand of the beach before holding him in my arms. “Come on please don't die on me now.” I said performing mouth to mouth cpr. He finally coughed up some water while slowly opening his eyes. 

“What the hells wrong with you!” I started to shout. “You could’ve died James!” James looked exhausted. He looked scared that I was gonna hit him. He looked at me one more time before saying something “Johnny..?” Before I knew it I was being kissed by him, my eyes widened while my heart fluttered. I could taste the alcohol on his lips. I closed my eyes and forced my tongue into his mouth causing him to make a small sound. He broke the kiss first, breathing heavily before passing out. My face flushed as I realized what I did. “I'm not gay. I'm not. But I loved what I just experienced.” I thought. I just stood there before overhearing someone walking. I quickly picked up James and ran near a few rocks that would hide us. A few minutes passed as I watched two people going into the water while laughing. James woke up 

“Where am I?” James looked up at me and struggled to get out of my grip. 

“HEY-!” James screamed but before he could finish the sentence I kissed him passionately to shut him, I dunno why I didn’t just put my hand over his mouth. Maybe it was because I was craving the sweetness of his lips and the coffee tasting mouth, I shoved my tongue into his mouth and he made a small noise. 

“God how I love your voice” I thought to myself to caught up to not notice the people had already left. I grabbed him by the waist and he shivered. “Your cute you know that?” I manged to say while still shoving my tongue into his mouth. I backed away trying to catch my breath before kissing him some more. I slowly slid my hand up his chest only for him to whimper. 

He moaned when my hand slid across his chest. I sucked on his next and his head fell back, “Why am I enjoying this? Its way better then doing it with some chick.” I thought to myself

[lvlyhao]

『you’re dating him but he’s not your bias』

reaction fic; NCT Dream

A/N: this is nct dream’s reaction to realizing your bias is not him (and you’re a couple). gender neutral, got way too deep at some points and was NOT meant to be this long. enjoy.

note that english is my second language and i speak mixing slang, accents and spellings from 3283928 places so i did notice there’s practice written with both s and c down there so

just dont mind it pls

also, today’s photo theme is dream looking cute in low quality shots.

𝓖𝓮𝓷𝓻𝓮𝓼: fluff (♡), angst (❆), comedy (☼), crack (⍢).

𝓦𝓪𝓻𝓷𝓲𝓷𝓰𝓼: lots of swearing, my tough love for the neos, one mention of cheating that doesn’t actually happen, a couple of mentions of alcohol and drinking, some violence hidden in metaphors, me being chaotic, it got a bit more angsty and darker than i intended, but we do have all happy endings.

word count: 6.8K

pairing: nct dream members x reader ( includes mark, renjun, jeno, haechan, jaemin, chenle, jisung)

disclaimer: the characters in the story below do not reflect real people or present real facts. this is purely fictional, and you may not copy, change, translate or repost my work in any way. all rights reserved © cherry-hyejin 2021.

*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:

Mark

oh, poor baby

i feel like he would be a little heartbroken 

just a little

not so much if it’s someone from dream, because they’re his little brothers, but if it’s one of his hyungs from 127 or wayv,,,,,

boy might cry

he’s not super dramatic about it or anything but i don’t see him as being super confident about himself

so he might think like

“do they think he’s cooler than me?”

and it’s silly, yes, he knows

but it’s just something that pops up in his mind sometimes when you bring him up

so for the sake of this fanfic let’s pretend you’re johnny biased

because gods know i am

at least when it comes to 127

mark would be divided into fanboying with you and being like “YO, HE’S THE COOLEST GUY ON EARTH OH MY GOD I’M SO GLAD YOU AGREE”

and

“a h”

<gives you a little tiny smile to cover up the sound of his heart breaking>

would constantly try to get closer to you when johnny is around, and just

showing off in little (kinda dumb) ways

complimenting you

being even more whipped than usual

like yes he’ll give you all of his watermelon slices just please don’t look at johnny like that again

i think johnny would kind of play into it with the whole “imma steal your s/o” thing

and he doesn’t do it to make mark jealous or hurt

we know he’d rather get hit by a train than ever actually upsetting his son on purpose

but we also know he’s johnny

cue “OH DUDE HE’S FLIRTING”

so yeah he might call you lil pet names (beautiful, cutie, you get it)

just to see you giggle 

(and see your soul leave your body)

might say he’s taking you out for dinner when he’s just driving you to get more ice cream for a movie night with the gang lol

and winks

expect a lot of winks

anywhere and anytime

which makes mark sometimes feel like he’s intruding???

and that you appreciate johnny more than him???

he genuinely doesn’t understand how you can date him and still not have him as your bias

don’t you like, love him above everyone else or smth lol

his “showing off” phase eventually fades tho

now every time you hang you with the boys and johnny is around, he’ll be a bit more distant 

he thinks he’s giving you space to interact with his friends but he’s just shying away from competing with one of his favourite people ever

and it’s a competition that Does Not Exist™

but he’s not 100% aware of that

and you’re not that dense 

so ofc you notice

and you wait till you two are alone to talk to him, and he BEGRUDGINGLY admits that you being johnny biased makes him feel kinda small and unimportant

he’d never try to make you change your bias or anything

he just needs reminders that he’s your #1 boy sometimes

which is fine by you

and by him

cus now it’s you calling him pet names all the time

and hugging him

and kissing his cheek

and praising his work

and blowing kisses from across the room

and just telling him straight up that no matter what, you’ll always go to him

(not that you ever had any chance with johnny lmao)

THIS GOES TO SHOW COMMUNICATING IS KEY, CHILDREN

COMMUNICATE

Renjun

wym donghyuck is your bias lol

literally are you fucking kidding him

don’t get me wrong ok

everyone knows renjun loves haechan

they’re bffs and could not live without each other

but at the same time,,,

what is wrong with you

who did he choose as his s/o gods help him

if it was jeno, or mark, or jaehyun, or winwin, or kun, or lucas, or yuta, or taeyong, or ten, or,,,,

literally ANY of his other members

he’d understand your point and be like “ok fine”

but haechan???? hmmm bestie no

he’s not gonna throw a fit

not after the first time you told him anyways

HE WAS SURPRISED OKAY

and he just whined very loudly after having laughed for 5 minutes thinking it was a joke

<flashbacks of that one time he had to sing the ottoke song with haechan on weekly idol>

if you don’t know that iconic scene, renjun had a whole ass meltdown in 3 seconds while yelling “aAAAAAH JINJJAAAAA” and getting ready to punch the living shit out of hyuck

for no reason other than the fact that it’s haechan we’re talking about and injun’s little body is filled with rage

BACK ON TRACK

would probably try to act all cool about it and be like “i don’t mind” but bruh does he mind

and it doesn’t help that haechan is such a little shit about it

he doesn’t even flirt with you

he just

constantly reminds renjun that he’s your bias—not him—and then constantly praises himself over you

“ah, y/n~ did you choose me as your bias because i’m the best vocalist? or was it because i’m the best dancer? mAYBE IT WAS BECAUSE OF MY OH SO BROAD SHOULDERS—”

(pause for injun to punch him)

(unpaused)

and ok in the beginning it was funny seeing him all worked up but now it’s just annoying to be in the same room as these two

haechan won’t let either of you live

and renjun just wants to

fight

so it eventually gets to the point where you’ll talk to renjun and jeno will talk to hyuck cus even the other dreamies are tired of it

except maybe for chenle, he always laughs his ass off when they start bickering

ANYWAY

your conversation goes something like “oh my god renjun i’m literally dating you, i don’t like haechan better or anything you little pile of fury”

while jeno sits hyuck down in front of him and jaemin and just

“bro why are you like this”

“bro”

no but renjun would apologize for going overboard with his protectiveness and jealous energy because he’s not generally like that

he’s angry all the time but never about something involving you, you know

he tries his best to treat you like the royalty you are

but something about hyuck being your bias makes him feel a bit like a castaway???

he’s very creative and as an artsy kid myself i know we’re very prone to feeling left out because we’re just different from the others

so he’d think maybe haechan really has a better voice

or better dancing skills

or he looks better

he is taller than injun after all, and has broader shoulders, and his hair is all fluffy and—

the whole thing just made him insecure about things he had settled with himself long ago

he was fine with being him

but not so much when it came to that

i don’t think you two would fight over it cus tbh i think renjun would really only get with someone who can be very understanding of him

and i think hyuck would actually apologize to renjun too

not when everyone’s around but like, maybe after dinner or something and he just needs to feel like they’re besties again

hyuck never meant for things to get out of control

he just really likes both injun and you as his friends, and aside from skinship his most prominent love language is,,,

teasing

he was really just trying (very poorly) to grow closer to the person his best friend loves so much—you—because renjun is SUCH a big part of his life it would just feel wrong to not be good friends with you as well

don’t tell them i said this but they hug it out

injun strikes me as someone that could take a bit of time to bounce back from something that hurt his pride or his sense of belonging

and his way of healing and bonding is just,,,

art

sure, keep being haechan biased, but also please read with him

and talk about his fantastic animal creations

and watch those buzzfeed unsolved alien theory videos because he really wants to discuss it and maybe even draw what he thinks the aliens look like

hyuck tones it down, you make sure renjun knows you like him for him, renjun starts to (secretly) appreciate hyuck’s talent along with you...

and now let’s take a moment to imagine the minute you watch their latest mv with injun by your side

and yes okay the first thing you see is CLEARLY how good renjun looks because holy fucking shit he’s an angel (and i’m clearly not renjun biased)

but then,,,,,,

wAS THAT A HAECHAN HIGH NOTE

(there’s always a haechan high note, just look for it)

and ok maybe he did scream a bit with you because of how good it all sounded

and you know what, it works out perfectly bc you two are my new otp and you were meant for each other

but we do have to mention the eventual happening of chenle saying like “oOoOoOoH y/N wErE yOu dRoOliNg oVeR hAeChAn AgAiN” after a special stage

and then you, injun and hyuck all attempt to choke him

i’m kidding

or not

Jeno

ah, lee jeno

aka samoyed boi

yes i do call him that no i will not stop

everyone is always writing jeno as being super protective and literally about to burst a lung if someone else ever does as much as look at you

but i just 

don’t see him that way

he’s a taurus and from what i know about taurus they can be v v jealous, yes, but they mainly seek comfort

so he’s fine with you biasing jaemin

as long as you’re not ditching him or anything lol

and ok, imma be 100% honest here even if it sounds like literal no fun (jenojaem wink wonk)

jaemin doesn’t flirt with you

not any more than he flirts with

every other breathing creature

ever

he’s really only platonically interested in you, never remotely romantic or anything lol

on the other side, he is in love with jeno

basically, if jaemin is your bias, jeno is his

so nothing really changes

we know how nomin are, okay

they hold hands, they stare deeply into each other eyes, they nearly kiss at least once every time they go live

it's just them

you gotta respect it bruh

i know this is the most boring reaction ever so let’s create the one (1) instance where jeno would actually dislike that you bias someone else

i think he would feel a bit hurt if you seemed to be more supportive of jaemin’s work than his

and it’s not something big or on purpose

it’s just something like going with him to a recording session but not going with jeno because you have homework

or after a very busy practise day going to praise jaemin first

even if it’s just three words

“you did good”

and then you’re going towards him, he’s gonna feel like maybe he doesn’t deserve your praise as much as nana????

i actually feel like, among the dreamies, jeno is the least confident one when it comes to his performance

he knows he’s not an awful rapper or anything but i think it can be a bit too much, being around such bright and huge presences like the others while his nickname literally means “no fun”

his members are just so loud and full of energy most of the time

and sometimes he just really needs to be quiet and observe in silence 

(yes i do know he’s chaotic and a crackhead, i’m just saying as we know he can be a bit introspective)

so what if you just

stopped seeing him?

did he become invisible to you?

did you finally fall for jaemin’s beautiful smile and stupid pick-up lines?

he’s not gonna let it show that he’s affected, though

earth signs are nearly always the ones to “stay strong” because we have this image that people are relying on us???

so we do what we do

bottle everything up and overwork ourselves bc we only got two modes

1. chill, super balanced and down to earth (ay for the pun)

2. please make us take a break we’re literally about to cry if we work for one more minute but we can’t allow ourselves to fucking take it easy

so yes you’ve guessed correctly, we’re going with 2

jeno is going to go so, SO hard on everything he does 

literally every single activity you can think of from dance practice to photoshoots to cooking for the dreamies

he stays up later than usual to get that one tricky move in the choreo just right

he works out more because he thinks he has to look absolutely perfect for when they shoot the mv

jisung asked for ramen? he’s making it but you bet your ass he’s spending over 40 minutes just chopping so

many

vegetables

AND STUFF THAT JISUNG WON’T EVEN EAT

but he’s doing it anyway for the reason being that it just has to be the Best™

and it’s not like he’s competing with anyone else to be diligent

this is just about being better than he was and showing himself—and maybe you—how painstakingly hardworking and driven he can be

maybe then you’re gonna acknowledge him as much as you acknowledge nana :((

:(((((

writing this is making me downright sad, jeno is so underrated and unaware of his power UGH

and i need to point out this is NOT about making you change your bias from jaemin to him, this is solely about having you recognize his efforts, even if you already do

if you just thought jeno was like going off in work because it was asked of him to, jaemin would DEF notice and talk to you about it

turns out it’s a habit of jeno to go extra hard sometimes and he needs someone to make him take a break

so it goes down like you breaking into the practice room when jeno and jisung were practising

the first reaction is confusion

the second is oh hey babe how are you

third is

a-are you dragging jeno and his bag out of the door while screeching at jisung to order pizza and doughnuts for everyone??

yes you are and i’m proud of you

so jeno is still confused and making those cute “hUh” noises he does omg i love him so much

and you’re just rambling about how much of an amazing artist he is, and you love his voice, and he’s a fantastic dancer, and his expressions and gestures are on point, and he takes such good care of the dreamies and

he’s perfect

and he knows jaemin must have talked to you, and he feels so vulnerable to have you know how on edge he’s been

baby boy just needs some rest

and that’s exactly what you give him, with a bath full of those fancy bath bombs and flower petals and candles at your house/apt

then a quick sheet mask while you massage his shoulders and keep saying how much you genuinely admire him

the mask might be ruined cus he started crying out of exhaustion

after that’s been done and you’ve hugged for at least like 5 min nonstop, you head over to the dorms, where hyuck was in charge of setting up a blanket fort while mork and nana gather board games, jisung gets the food and chenle

well chenle just had to make sure jisung doesn’t forget to order for someone and doesn’t break like 10 plates trying to set the table lol

this is way longer than the others so imma wrap it up

make it obvious and loud that you see and respect jeno’s hard work and he’ll be alright again

and maybe make those game nights a weekly thing when possible, it would make him very happy

he’ll never again feel sad when you praise jaemin cus now he’s sure he does enough, and above all, he is enough

Haechan

haechan = full sun

why would you ever bias someone when you’re dating the goddamned sun

does not understand

but also does not care that much

actually, one out of two really depending on who your bias is

if it’s one of the members he has that tom/jerry relationship with, prepare for so

much

complaining

and clinging

AND HE’D BE SO LOUD OH MY FUCKING GOD

donghyuck please stop screaming about doyoung not deserving to be your baby’s bias, it’s 2 am

on the other hand, if it’s one of the (few) members he,,,

adores with all of his heart and is not afraid to show it

ex: sungchan, jaehyun, taeil and yang2x

then you can bet he’s going to be right beside you whenever you feel like throwing a fit because he’s just so handsome and talented

IF IT’S MARK OSHDISJD

i’m going to write you as being mark biased ok? ok

i honestly don’t know if he’d feel more jealous of mark or of you

he loves you both

a lot,,,,

and he really doesn’t like it when mark blushes when you compliment him

and he doesn’t like it when mark literally just walks past you and you trip over your feet because bro tf u doing, that’s some embarrassing shit

lowkey done with you two

but also PAY HIM SOME ATTENTION

or don’t, he’s fine either way (cue crossed arms and staring at you from across the room until you come give him a kiss)

“he’s pretty cute but i’m cuter right baby”

pouty pouty pouty if he ever feels neglected

will be so fucking annoying lmao i can’t write haechan, i love him but i do understand why renjun is always trying to beat him up

he’d be a show-off in a different way than mark because he can be so petty

will take every chance he gets to pull a one-liner

will sing everything he has to say just so you know he can hit those high notes

what do you mean dream doesn’t have a schedule today

oh man, he could swear they did

because that is the sole reason why he’s wearing his most expensive clothes and shoes + makeup to walk around the dorms, yes

no he doesn’t want to impress you

shut up

will text you like every single fancam he sees on twitter

every

single 

one

and are they mark’s?

lol no, they’re his

he is so genuinely trying to make you a member of his sunflower cult 

<whispers> “tell me i’m your bias” 

“donghyuck what the actual hell why are you standing at the end of my bed in the middle of the night like a fucking demon child”

he really wants to act all cool and composed but he wants to be your bias so fucking bad

he’s a bad bitch all around and just does whatever

cus haechan privilege

and he tends to not care about what people say and think???

bc he knows he’s lee donghyuck

he’s fully aware of the effect he has on people

but you

not biasing him

naw, he can’t take it

will do anything and everything he can to make you say, JUST ONE TIME, he’s your bias

then you can go back to loving (his) mark

so for your sake, for his sake, for mark’s sake

just give donghyuck what he wants

i can promise he’ll keep being an ass no matter what you do

like yeah did you just buy him coffee and his favourite cake? well that’s sweet but iS HE YOUR BIAS YET

“aw babe thanks so much for taking a bullet for me but now please say i’m your bias”

if you still don’t do it, it’s time to be extra petty

will actually drop you for mark

his logic is something like: he can’t be your bias? pity, so he’s just gonna date him instead

and mark is mark so he has no idea what’s going on

everyone in 127 and dream finds this absolutely hilarious cus suddenly donghyuck seems to be doing his best to win over mark’s heart and i mean more than usual???? and he’s treating you like his bro????

<you leaving the dorms to go to uni or smth so you go to hyuck for a goodbye kiss> “no can do, i’m committed”

“i’m your partner”

“no that’s mark”

it’s not 100% a joke when i say i can see him getting down in one knee to propose to mark while making eye contact with you to

assert his dominance

and mark is just

“dude

what HAHAHA”

and you are so done, i’m so sorry you have to go through that bby

i don’t think there’s another way to fix haechan other than just admitting he was your bias for an era, or a comeback or something

like yeah with the other dreamies before him it’s bonding + healing time bc i wrote it all kinda angsty (lol sorry) but with donghyuck

no

“will you stop this if i say you were my bias during reload era”

“mark wasn’t in dream that era tho”

“yes i know”

i say he’s gonna take what he can get and now things can finally go back to normal

with the exception that something else comes along with hyuck being satisfied with you biasing him

he just has a full pass to fanboy over mark now too

what am i talking about?

new 127 mv is out

you: watching it beside haechan and going off about how pretty mark looks

him: going off even harder bc he’s whipped too

this is what a happy couple looks like 

but now i pity mark because he has you two idiots fanboying over him irl

savemork2021

Jaemin

nana is just such a chill and fun guy

i can’t see him being actually jealous or anything if he finds out you bias someone else

and so the two of you become insufferable together

bitch, i’m telling you

he (ur bias) is not gonna have one peaceful day ever again in his entire life

cus you know the thing jaemin does where he just looks at someone doing some random shit and goes “oOoOoH sExY”

yes that thing

he’s doing it to your bias 

and you’re doing it too

and your bias probably wants to run away to some very far away land

PLEASE IF IT’S JISUNG

i’m not gonna write this whole thing as if you bias him but let’s just imagine

two fully grown people

pilling on top of poor, poor park jisung playing games on his phone

“URI JISUNGIEEEEEE

MWOYA, MWOYAAAA~"

i genuinely think he would avoid being around you two at the same time

cus individually he can handle it

like yes y/n please let me go this hug has lasted for about 4 minutes now

or oh hi jaemin hyung my cheeks hurt when you pinch them that hard

but when you two are together

bruh

a power couple not bc you two are v confident or some shit but bc you can and will be extremely affectionate towards anyone that comes too close

and now let’s talk about how it would be if you biased jaehyun

jaemin loves jaehyun

they’re 2jae

2jae are soulmates

therefore,,,, it’s also kinda hellish but in a different way???

bc 2jae are on the end of that spectrum about the neos that know how in love the entire world is with them

they’re too powerful

they’re aware of their charm and they do everything they can to rub it in our faces

so the flirting between 2jae and you would be insane

and i mean insane

insane as in even johnny is kinda disgusted tbh bc

they’re doing a photo shoot with the 23 of them for some shit, idk don’t ask me

and of course, you had to tag along

but oh my god you three, please stop calling each other sexy/hot in weird voices now, the staff is staring

there are def rumours the 3 of you are a poly couple lmao

jaehyun denies everything on social media (throwback to saying “no way lol” when we asked if he REALLY slept in the same bed as jungwoo)

but every piece of content there is of you and jaemin or you and jaehyun or just them is so ridiculously flirty

you can bet there are compilations on youtube like 

“y/n being in love with 2jae for 8 minutes heterosexual”

ok i was having way too much fun with that, moving on

i don’t think he’d ever be actually upset about you biasing someone else

he trusts you and treasures you a lot so he doesn’t see the problem in you also appreciating another one of his members

bc gods know he does

he’s a bit in love with everyone so why shouldn’t you be too lol

one time he would feel a bit blue because of it???

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

i think it’s possible he’d turn pouty or whiny or just kinda needy (not in a bad way, he just misses you) when he’s like

done with people

and needs some time away from everything

we know he’s an introvert, even if he acts very, very loud around the boys and it’s honestly just a matter of time until an introvert grows tired of being around humans

it depends on each person, of course, but there’s a 99% chance every once in a while he’ll start to feel too drained

and he’ll need a break to get his energy back

jaemin would probably want you around even when he feels like that, though

i see you being such a big source of comfort for him in a relationship

he enjoys taking care of people so please take care of him too

and for just this one day don’t talk about your bias that much, or don’t leave nana to go over to him to chat

and just cuddle him a lot

that will make him a smiley baby again

and then things are back to how they normally are

and by that i mean most neos hiding from you because they’re scared 

i don’t have a lot to say aside from that so let’s think about the neos that would be the most intimidated by your shared thot aura

dotae would be confused in different ways lol

taeyong would be just ????????????blush/awkward smile/hahaha??????

and doyoung might actually ask what is wrong with you

<points to jeno and his s/o> “why can’t you be like them”

mark would laugh-scream and slap his knee into oblivion whenever you two are cornering him

but then go super shy and be like “dUDE DON’T DO THAT”

resident confident gay jungwoo would rejoice in the attention and make so many goddamned jokes

a literal comedian i love him

i think sicheng and renjun would be on the same wavelength of repugnance towards you lol

chenle would deadass call you weird and tell you to leave him alone

shotaro and kun might faint (or kun will panic-scold you)

taeil is as confused by affection as usual (have you seen the face he makes when haechan kisses him LMFAO he’s smiling but like wondering wtf happened on the inside)

ten is not very amused but might play into it

yangyang: that’s disgusting, man (cue flashbacks to that live with renjun after the from home stage where renjun pretended to lick his hand and slick his hair back,,, catboy injun,,, you know the one)

xiaojun and hendery are such panicked gays they just turn to stare at whoever else is around and make that “help” expression like they’re on the office

haechan is haechan, kinda doesn’t mind it

jeno is used to dealing with this at this point

lucas and yuta love the attention but while yuta will flirt right back lucas is just gonna smile and try to jop his way out of there while screaming

sungchan will go hide behind haechan and say “hyung they’re being dumbasses again”

this turned into ‘how would nct react to you and jaemin being super flirty together’ and i’m not sorry

Chenle

chenle is so fun to write i love him lmao

okay so

he doesn’t strike me as the possessive type with anyone other than jisung (bc i swear he can be a bit jelly towards his bestie but i think it comes with sungie being the sweetest bean ever, he’s just protective)

he’s such a ray of sunshine and witty jokes and dolphin laughter i love him

back to the plot

he literally couldn’t care less about you biasing someone else

b u t

i will say there’s an exception

this exception is tall, kinda lanky, very awkward and born on the 5th of february

you’ve guessed it, it’s jisung

i think most of the time he’d tease THE SHIT out of you for it because c’mon

you had 22 chances not to mess up

and you still somehow ended up biasing jisung? lol do better next time

and this is not me and chenle hating on jisung, please—

he’d just find it funny that your bias is his best friend and

hold the fuck up

your bias is his best friend

oH NO NO NO NO NO

i think after realizing that he would lowkey try to keep you two apart because he’s somehow jealous of both????

and if he can’t help it then you can bet your ass he will be screaming all along

it’s his sweet, dummy jisung

with his sweeter and dummier y/n

what is he going to do

probably has a mini-breakdown with kun because like he’s always wanted you two to get along bUT NOT LIKE THAT

kun will just sigh like the tired father he is and pet his back while saying “there, there”

and a genius idea is going to come to chenle’s mind

you know the teasing thing?

well it’s upgrade time

he’s gonna turn into such a try-hard with tmi and embarrassing shit you two have done

and he’s not trying to stop you from being friends

he just wants you to like

know who you’re befriending

bc i think since he’s really really close to jisung, he doesn’t want you getting closer to him bc you like his idol side alone

and he doesn’t want jisung getting close to you just because you’re his partner either

if you had high hopes for each other and ended up kinda falling face-first into the ground bc it was nothing like you had imagined—

he’d be so broken

because he loves you so much :((((

so like, if you can get past the teasing and annoying barrier he’s putting up, he’ll be more than happy to have two of the most important people in his life being buddies

so get ready for it

if you’re the type of person to go batshit crazy when you drink, oh boy, oh boy

so you and the dreamies are just having dinner when lele feels like it’s the perfect time to disclose some of your drunken adventures

“hey y/n”

“yeah babe?”

“remember that time you got really really drunk on vodka and candy and wanted to call your mom”

“chenle the hell don’t talk ab—”

“but then you tried using the microwave as a phone”

“...”

“...”

“or that other time you were equally as drunk and watched the make a wish mv and cried because you noticed the height difference between xiaojun hyung and lucas hyung”

yeah so now’s the part you get up to chase him around the dorms and try to land a kick

BUT WORRY NOT, HE’LL MAKE SURE TO EMBARRASS JISUNG JUST AS MUCH

he likes doing that when it’s just the three of you though

so picture this

movie night the girls boys

chenle would 100% pick the most terrifying horror movie he can find so that he could see jisung clinging to whoever’s closest to him

and then right before a jumpscare, he’d whisper like

“jisung”

“w-what”

“why don’t you do that thing you were doing while you slept last night”

(honestly, i’d be mildly scared if i heard lele say this with no context at all)

and then the jumpscare happens and jisung is nearly fainting and crying at the same time

but chenle is laughing

and trying to get out what he wants to tell you between wheezes

“he-he” <dolphin wheeze> “hE WAS SINGING CHEER UP BY TWICE WHILE SLEEPING” <more wheezes>

and look this is just gonna go on for weeks until you and jisung are over it

and stop being weird and awkward around each other

lele needs you two to be bros ok

so be bros

once you do adapt to being pals with your bias i think chenle would take the teasing down a notch just to make you more comfortable

and like he’s so happy now the three of you can hang out and there’s just no tension

happy chenle is the thing i love the most i swear to gods

and if you don’t adapt to it?

well,,,

i honestly think he’d be pretty disappointed, cus it means to him one of you isn’t ready to fully embrace the weirdness within????

and like what u scared of

jisung is a weirdo, what about it, so are you

either that or he’d think you’re maybe being judgemental

so yeah please accept jisungie and your dumbass boyfriend

then everyone can be besties

i love thinking about the three of you as just this hellbound chaotic trio

because chenji already wreak havoc wherever they go as the two of them

but now that you’re coming along,,,,

no neo would escape from your pranks ever again (and even members of other groups lmfao watch out sehun, i’m talking to you)

and it’s so incredible infuriating in a good way that it just turns to be endearing

you’re cute as fuck so no one gets actually mad with the shit you pull????

which is dangerous, someone should really keep an eye out on the three of you 

we don’t need sm to be on fire

well we kinda do cus they’re pretty bad but not my point

i said somewhere above that chenle would tone the teasing down but i don’t mean he’d stop

bc c’mon guys

he’s chenle

no limits here

but sorry, i really cannot write jealous!chenle cus his heart is just too pure and filled with joy for him to be jealous for real

last scenario?

chenle after a comeback stage: ya y/n, i was gonna ask how was my performance today but you were probably more focused on jisung’s arms right

jisung is choking on water somewhere behind you

Jisung

it’s maknae time <plays i.n’s maknae on top>

i don’t mean to picture jisung as being like

ridiculously innocent or just downright naive because i really dislike it when people do that

he’s a literal 19 yo and jaemin himself has said he’s not as innocent as we think lol

however

i do see him as being quite new to all things love 

i think you’d probably be his first partner and with first relationships comes a lot of other firsts

first kiss maybe, first time holding hands, first time being jealous….

first time being jealous, yes, focus on that

i don’t think jisung would be aware that like

you not biasing him is even a possibility

cuz you’re dating

doesn’t that come along????

ah poor baby i love him

if you biased chenle i think he’d be just

disgusted and weirded out but okay?? you do you i guess???

he’s comfortable enough with lele to not feel intimidated

but if it’s another member

ESPECIALLY one of the oldest ones

i think it would be a blow straight to his confidence 

you biasing ten, kun, taeil, taeyong, doyoung or johnny and maybe yuta would make him feel a bit hesitant and concerned

his first thought would probably be that you don’t like being with someone as young as him

and who knows, maybe you’re even younger than him, maybe you’re the same age, but what if you actually like older guys??

what about him then???

and jisung doesn’t mean to feel so worried and insecure, ok, pls understand where i’m coming from

first relationships normally take like a very long time to build trust and acceptance of the other person’s feelings bc it’s literally a whole new world for you

and that goes extra hard for jisung because he is so fucking whipped for you it’s still hard to believe you like him as much

and it absolutely does not cross his mind that you’d cheat on him with your bias, GODS NO

he really respects you and his hyungs 

so no, never

that’s not a thing that can happen

but you realize you’re too good for him and maybe see he doesn’t fit your ideal type?

well, yes, that’s what he’s thinking

probably goes straight to chenle or renjun (he talks about renjun so much asjahj) to vent and ask for advice

i think they’d be surprised to see what’s going on inside his pretty little head because it’s so obvious for everyone that you just adore jisung

and they do tell him that

however, i don’t think it would completely calm his nerves, and again, this has nothing to do with not trusting you

it’s just that

his hyungs are so cool…

HE CAN’T HELP IT OK

would probably try to mirror your bias (i’m saying it’s taeyong for the sake of what i’ve imagined ok) and like

grasp onto some of his qualities?

so in his mind taeyong is: nice, sweet, caring, amazing, perfect, smart, perfect, sexy, mature and did i mention perfect

i can see him trying some new rap styles that mimic tyong’s a bit???

like would lowkey learn his raps from cherry bomb and superm’s one and listen to recordings frequently to pick up on how taeyong does it

i think he’d also just change the way he acts in general to dodge a bit from his maknae image

so now he tries to speak with a more formal-ish language and learns random facts about things you like to seem more intelligent???

“good morning y/n, you look as beautiful as one of voiello’s paintings today :]”

“wait i thought that was a pasta brand”

he’s just trying to show you he can be mature and serious if you want him to

long story short, he’s not acting like himself (not that he’s childish, he’s just out of it) and you don’t like it, so you ask about it and wait for him to feel comfortable with sharing

when he does talk about it breaks your heart so much :((

you’re going to need some patience to try and show him you’d choose him, and not your bias, even if you had the chance

they’re completely different people and you love him BECAUSE he’s jisung, not for any other reason

please reassure him so he can go back to acting like his authentic self, i think it would be such a relief for him too

your words and affection are obviously enough for him, but if it ever happens that he feels especially low and insecure again, it would help if your bias talks to him too

and taeyong wouldn’t have a problem with it

actually, scratch that, taeyong probably knew what was going on all along

he just has that motherly 7th sense (ay) that is even more acute with the dreamies cus like 

127 has him, wayv has kun, but dream has…

the dreamies

and that, my friend, is terrifying

anyway he’d come to talk to jisung asking like “what’s wrong buddy :(“ and sungie would be a bit ashamed because it sounds so silly when you say it out loud

of course tyong wouldn’t judge him, and he just really has to tell jisung what is it you and he are always talking about

it’s him

“when they come around to talk and hang out here it all goes back to you, jisungie. they can’t spend one second without mentioning your name

it’s so cute; it’s always like ‘oh jisung would love this’ or ‘jisung likes it that way’

so please be kinder to yourself and let yourself see that they’re in love with you, not with me and not with any other member they ever mention”

jisung would feel 10000000% better

and smiley

and giggly

and oh my god do you really talk about him that much

LOOK HE’S BLUSHING

would just go over to your house immediately and hug you, burying his face on your neck from behind you

and not let go

ever again

the whole situation just teaches him a lot about accepting your love for him and not questioning it 

shut up i’m not crying

---

final notes: this was my first work after the humanity series and it was so fun lol i think next up is probs gonna be an ideal type scenario for ot23 (but if i really write it i’m gonna post it by subunit and its gonna be way shorter than this, don’t expect 23K words at once lmao)

if you’ve enjoyed this fic please consider reading my humanity series, which is a zombie apocalypse au with kun <3

[mrultra100]

Ultra’s Ramblings: Ultraverse V-Twins Headcanons

So, as of the time I’m writing this, we’re still in Spooky Season. I feel like now would be a good time to share some headcanons for my own personal take on the Vampire Twins from Johnny Test. To clarify, my version is a lot different than their original counterparts in canon (Things like being older, having a more curvy and pudgy/buff body, etc), and all of it are attempts to make Susan and Mary far more interesting and fleshed-out characters than they were in the actual show.

Maryanna

Mary’s favorite Pokémon is Guzzlord. One would expect Lunala to be her top pick, but she’s more into the black hole-belly monster from another dimension

Despite her chonky build, Mary can be very fast when she wants to be (Like with all vampires). Her electric powers can increase her speed even more when she needs to.

Vampires all have a shared weakness of garlic, being allergic to it. Despite that fact, garlic bread is one of the few garlic-related foods that they can stomach relatively easily. Eating too much of it can make them sick tho, as Mary had found out the hard way in the past.

Being the massive nerd that she is, Mary has dabbled in cosplay a few times. Bayonetta, Jack Skellington, and Wilhamena are some of her favorite characters to go as.

Similar to how many species of venomous snakes inject venom into their prey with their fangs, Mary can actually deliver an electrified bite with her fangs. Other ways of Mary using electricity to fight include letting out flares of electrical energy from her body, using her own spiky ponytail as an electrified kanabo, delivering electrically-charged hip checks with her fat butt, or even using a form of electromagnetic telekinesis.

While she likes to hunt and prowl around for prey, alot of the people that Mary sucks blood from are actually WILLING victims, smitten with her beauty. She was surprised when this first started happening, but Mary let it slide and playfully monologues her hunts, all with a Transylvanian accent. Please, don’t spoil her fun.

One of Mary’s biggest pet peeves is people referring to dinosaurs and other prehistoric animals as nothing more than monsters. She WILL go ballistic if you call T. Rex a “mindless killing machine”.

Mary loves it when someone rubs and squeezes her squishy and chubby belly. Expect her to purr alot when this happens.

Mary loves pumpkins…alot. She tends to gobble alot of pumpkin pie, is a pro at pumpkin carving, likes pumpkin-scented candles, and even has a set of pumpkin-themed lingerie under her dress!

Unsurprisingly, Mary’s main in the Darkstalkers games is Morrigan. It should be pretty obvious as to why…

While English is her main language, Mary has been trying to learn how to speak in Japanese lately. This started when she tried to sing a few songs in Japanese during karaoke night.

Mary’s personal favorite genre of music is rock, especially symphonic metal. She even has a custom-made acoustic guitar that she made herself.

Many of Mary’s close friends often refer to her as “Bloody Mary”. The pun is not lost on her at all.

Due to how wide her body is, Mary has trouble going through doors. To solve this problem, she enters a room by rising from the shadows.

Mary would definitely use her massive breasts to hold drinks in. Not only would it be funny to her, it makes it alot easier for her if she’s handling something else too.

When it comes to kissing, Mary can be quite passionate (albeit a bit…sloppy at times). Care must be taken when taking her sharp teeth into consideration tho.

When it comes to her favorite animals, azhdarchid pterosaurs are usually Mary's first choice.

Similar to her sister, one of Mary’s main hobbies is being a mad scientist. She’s also a rock artist/DJ and kaiju merch collector.

Not only is she bisexual, Mary is also polymourous. She tends to be flirty and get frisky with multiple partners, especially women.

Mary is a huge foodie, especially with burgers, pumpkin pie, ramen, and tacos. A good way to befriend her is to prepare some of her favorite food.

In terms of height, Mary is the taller of the duo, being a couple of inches higher than Susan.

Put up a laser pointer in front of Mary, and she'll be obsessed with it, like an overgrown kitty.

Surprisingly for a vampire, Mary happens to be a good swimmer. There have been times where she used her hair to pull pranks on people, with her favorite being her hair being used like the tentacles of a sea monster to grab people.

Mary isn’t really a fan of the Jurassic World trilogy, mainly because of how she’s disgusted by how the movies treat dinosaurs as generic movie monsters.

Mary’s favorite fruit is a ripe watermelon. Some have made the comparison between a watermelon, and her own, uh…melons. Mary, being proud of her huge breasts, doesn’t mind at all

Susanic

Susan’s nickname (Especially when wrestling) is the Infernal Star. This nickname alone is already enough to make her a formidable opponent, due to how intimidating it is.

Similar to how Mary can speak in Japanese, Susan can speak fluently in Spanish.

The fire that Susan controls is made of magnesium, which can burn at 3100°C. This firepower is hot enough to melt even steel, and when applying her magic, Susan can use this volatile blaze for fireballs, fiery claw slashes, and even powerful, compressed beams of pure heat that she fires from her jaws, similar to Shin Godzilla’s Radiation Heat Ray.

Speaking of which, Susan has the ability to coat HERSELF with her fire, having it act like a suit of armor. She also uses this ability to accelerate herself at high altitudes when flying. Yet, somehow, Susan’s clothes don’t burn away when she uses this ability, thanks to her magic.

The usual exercise routine that Susan goes through is like this; The usual like push-ups, crunches, and squats, then she does ridiculous things like using logs 20 times bigger than herself as lifting weights, pushing a whole train with only her jaws, and even doing jogs….while on fire.

Fitting of her pyromantic powers and hotheadedness, Susan is a big fan of spicy food.

Despite how much of a stern hothead she is, Susan deeply cares for the people that she loves most, especially with Gil.

Both of the V-Twins’ living shadows can be imbued with their mistresses’ respective elemental powers, with Susan’s being able to conjure up shadowy will-o-wisps.

Susan’s favorite starter Pokemon is Litten. She tends to heavily relate to Incineroar, alot. She’s also a cat person, so that makes things easier.

In terms of classical music, Susan is a natural pro with a piano. She and Mary have worked together on making music many times in the past.

Susan is normally not a big fan of water. At all. She’s even terrified of the ocean too! Although, she likes to cool down in hot springs.

Susan and Gil both had a curious roleplay session once; The usual scenario of a vampire seducing a bride…Only with Susan as the countess, and Gil as the BRIDE. It’s a bit weird, but we’re not judging.

While it’s not as massive as Mary’s, Susan’s breasts are still big and soft. Gil even uses her ample bust as a makeshift pillow when cuddling.

In her spare time, Susan tends to her collection of spiders, scorpions, and other arachnids. She takes pretty good care of her pets.

Susan happens to enjoy a good fire by the chimney, especially during the cold winter months.

Susan is a fan of anime from the 1980’s. In fact, she personally jives with the vibes and aesthetics of the 80’s.

While Mary has helped out a bit, Susan is the main creator of the Enigma-tron 2600, a sentient supercomputer that can turn into a powerful robot. People even consider Susan to be Enigma’s mom.

Another invention that Susan made is a sleak, Tron-like techno suit. This suit is also made up of nanobots, similar to the nanometal seen in the Godzilla anime trilogy. This allows Susan to conjure up weapons, and bat-like wings made of the stuff from her suit.

While it’s a rare sight to see, Susan and the other Porkbelly vamps all have tiny, spread out, bioluminescent dots on their skin, allowing them to glow in the pitch black of night. Susan’s tend to glow a vibrant purple.

In terms of where she and Gil stand on the whole dominant vs submissive scaling, Susan leans more towards the former. Gil is really into it tho.

NEVER challenge Susan to an arm-wrestling contest. Aside from how vampires tend to have super strength, all of that working out makes it even more easier for Susan.

Susan and Gil are in a loving relationship, and she doesn’t like it when anyone, including a certain fat, bling-obsessed rapper, interferes…

When on land, Susan is able to run at 180 mph, making her a real speed demon to be reckoned with.

While she’s mostly straight, Susan tends to be enthralled by hot women every now and again.

Susan is the wrestling champion of Porkbelly for 5 years running so far. She has to train alot if she wants to keep that title!

[deppsessed]

Wardrobe Malfunction

Pairing: Johnny Depp x Reader

Anonymous requested: Johnny Depp x reader. Johnny gives the reader is jacket when her dress gets torn at a party they are both at. Wife or girlfriend

Thank you for all the recent follows and support! I think we all need a little injection of Johnny cuteness this week. I hope this does it. 

The satin dress had looked incredible on the hanger. It was bright red (Johnny’s favourite colour), accented my cleavage perfectly and with a slit up the right thigh. Only the moment that I’d slipped on, I’d realised just how tight of a fit it was. Not having some kind of a nip slip or wardrobe malfunction was going to be a challenge. My hands smoothed down over my dress, for a moment I contemplated whether changing was going to be the best option. But, as I turn around to search for something else, I spot Johnny’s reflection in the to-the-floor mirror in our walk-in closet, his jaw just about hitting the floor as he gives me a not-so-subtle look up and down from behind. There isn’t a way I can’t not wear the dress now if that’s the kind of attention it's going to receive from him.

“You can at least close your mouth if you’re going to stare,”  I tease him with a grin. My voice brings him back down to reality.  

“Sorry,” He’s blushing, “It’s just -- you look spectacular.” 

I could put up a decent argument for saying the same thing about the suit he’s wearing. “You scrub up pretty well too, John.” I press up on my tiptoes to kiss him on the cheek. His arms close around my waist, holding me to him

. “Will we go and get them, Mrs Depp?” We’ve been married a couple of years now, but hearing my name, especially from him is something that makes my heart skip a beat and melt on the inside. 

“Just let me find a pair of shoes to go with this dress and I’ll be with you.” 

---

We’re sitting at a table with drinks, surrounded by Johnny’s friends. The warm hand sitting on top of my thigh is starting to become a little bit of a distraction. Taking the risk of wearing the dress, so far, has been worth it from the looks and extra attention I’ve been getting from Johnny alone.

“If you don’t mind, I’m going to go to the bathroom-” I give Johnny a little glare, silently asking him to move his hand or else I’ll do it myself. “I’ll be right back,” I gave a little apologetic smile to the group before raising from my seat.

Rip

Oh god. 

And right up the back of the thing too. I can only count my lucky stars when Johnny twigs onto what just happened and stands from his seat like my knight in shining armour. 

“Baby, are you cold?” He’s shrugging off his suit jacket, which he drapes over my shoulders. “You should have said something, you’re shivering.” 

He’s my hero, not only just for shooting out of his seat armed with a jacket, but for coming up with a quick cover-up too. I’m thankful to him for the rest of the night, but it isn’t until we’re in the car on the way back that I can begin to express my gratitude. 

“Thank you,” I mumble, “For kind of saving me earlier and being such a gentleman about it.” Gentleman feels an appropriate term to use. It isn't the first time he’s given me his jacket, although never in such extreme circumstances. He’s the type that will step in front to open a door for me -- it’s the small things, most that he probably doesn’t even think about, but it’s one of the reasons why I fell for him in the first place.

“I wouldn’t have sat there and watched you suffer. Plus, I’ve had a few wardrobe malfunctions to know--”

I raise my eyebrow at him. Right away, the image of some of his hats, scarves and weird colour combinations that he’s worn over the years.

“You are a living wardrobe malfunction at times.” I tease him and pull a grin.

“Well, that was completely uncalled for…” He pouts and shakes his head. “Especially considering I saved you, remember?” He pokes me in the side teasingly, and I instinctively give him a little smack on the thigh.

“You love me.” He lets out a little grumble. I reach over to play with his hair in an attempt to soften him up again. I press a kiss to the corner of his mouth, which curves into a little smile. “I love you.” I lean in to kiss him gently, and close my eyes happily at the feeling of him kissing me back. His hand goes running up my thigh. 

“I love you too, sweetheart.”  He mumbles against my lips. “Can I let you in on a little secret?” My fingers are moving through his hair, playing with his long locks.

“Go on…” His hand sneaks further up my skin, making me shiver.

“I think the jacket looks better than the dress,” he winks at me. “I might even let you keep it.” 

“So kind of you, John,” I laugh and roll my eyes at him playfully, before bringing my lips back to his. 

[moral-turpitudes]

Unfinished Business: Part 2

Trigger Warnings: Angst, Fluff, Mentions of past abuse, Blood, Fighting, Swearing, etc. 

Characters: Thomas Shelby x Reader

+ random character/group I made up (Romboldi & The Black Hats)

Word Count: 3,548

Summary: Y/n’s secret gets out and the gang scrambles to put an end to the Black Hats. But one thing is for certain, nothing is more terrifying than when the hunter becomes the hunted.

Requested by: @msbzowy​ 

Part 1 | Part 2 

Y/n took a deep breath before walking into the meeting room with Tommy, her hand slightly clamming up in his. Despite their love for her, she couldn’t shake the thoughts from her head about them possibly hating her.

Walking through the mahogany doors, the frenzied conversations stopped, as all eyes landed on Y/n.

Polly gasped and she immediately walked over to her, enveloping her in a huge hug. Ada followed, complimenting her new look as she made her way to her.

“What the fuck y/n you’re supposed to be ruling New York by now!” Arthur said rather loudly, coming over and pulling her into a rough embrace.

“Nice to see you too Arthur.” She said chuckling as she made her rounds around the room.

John handed her a shot and gave her a hug, with Finn and Michael joining in shortly after. She knocked the shot back and made her way over to a pregnant Esme and scowling Linda.

“Nice to see you both! Gosh I’ve missed you!” She said gently hugging Esme and awkwardly hugging Linda. She never did like her too much as Y/n noticed early on in their relationship.

After exchanging pleasantries she waltzed back over to Tommy, taking a seat by him and lacing their hands together. Polly smirked, her eyebrow raised at he interaction.

“So tell me y/n...how is New York?” She asked, taking a sip of her tea.

“Oh it’s...well it’s New York. Crowded, loud, cars everywhere. But there’s sky-high buildings that are being built, it’s amazing to see. She said taking her hand from Tommy’s and placing it in her lap.

“Do you like it more than Small Heath?” She asked.

“God no. I grew up here Poll. This is home.” She said, leaning back in the chair.

“Oi! Y/n, not to be so forward but what the hell are you back in this shit hole for?” He asked, handing her a glass full of whiskey. She smiled and took a sip, looking at Tommy.

“Is it alright if I tell them?” She asked, knowing Tommy usually handled the tough conversations.

“Go ahead love.” He said. Her heart jumped at the nickname, it’s been so long since she’d heard it.

Taking a swig of whiskey, she stood up and walked towards the head of the table slowly.

“So, I know last time we parted ways a bit harshly. But all past feelings aside, I actually came here on business...and it involves everyone here...” She said looking down at her drink in her hand.

“That doesn’t sound good. What kind?” Michael asked.

“Uh, Mafia business. Mr. Romboldi....of the Black Hats.” She said taking another sip of her drink.

“God them fuckers again? How the hell did ya get involved with those rats? He already blew our shit up last time!” Arthur said, his brows furrowing.

She looked nervously at Thomas, and he just quickly nodded for her to continue, all emotion leaving his face.

“Well, you all know how I can’t just sit around, so I went job searching when I got there. Not long after, I noticed how dangerous it was being there on my own. I was almost attacked a couple times...” She said brushing a stray hair out of her face. Gently steering the conversation away from that subject.

“Anyways...I needed protection, and plus, I had skills that other jobs didn’t need so I went to the source of why I left. I decided I’d work for the Black Hats but not to betray anyone, just to get money coming in, get some protection, and maybe some information over time. They don’t know I’m actually Y/n Y/l/n. I’ve been working undercover. I’ve been using an alias, faking an accent, and using fake papers to get my bearings in the gang. And I’m now their contract killer.” She said knocking back the last of the drink. She let the first half of the news sink in, walking towards Tommy, placing a hand on the back of his chair.

“Holy shit. Really?” John asked.

“Yeah. I’ve killed people all over the country to earn that spot. I’m not proud of how I got it, but I had to do what I had to do.” She said looking away, out the window at the people milling about.

“Oi! Bet they gave ya a nickname like one of them spies aye?” Arthur asked jokingly.

Y/n chuckled and nodded her head.

“It’s dumb but I liked it at the time. They called me Quick Shot.” She said chuckling.

“I got it on a mission when I was sniping for his men one night. The people that were on the list came up and I took them out quick, no one really knew where the shots came from but I was gone before they could find out.” She said.

“Damn.” John mumbled.

“But you’re back here though dear...why? Why does this involve us?” She asked concerned. Polly could always steer the conversations back to the problems at hand. Often times she had the most sense of the group.

Y/n walked away from Tommy and over to the whiskey and poured another glass as she spoke.

“As we all know, the last deal went sour to say the least, so he wants something else. He told me he wants Tommy’s gin. He wants to distribute it in America, and to get stocks and shit. So...he sent me here to persuade Tommy to pay full price for them running it back. He won’t be lowballed again. Over my two years there, I’ve unfortunately gotten to know how he works, and if he comes after one person he comes after the rest just the same. If Tommy refuses, he will most likely kill me and him, as well as anyone in relation to the Peaky Blinders.” She said sternly.

“My god...” Polly said, sipping her tea as she looked at Tommy. His face still the same. But y/n could practically see the gears turning in his head again, another plan in the works.

“So they don’t know you have history with us?” Ada asked.

“No. And if they find out, you might as well kiss me goodbye. They may be stupid but they can sense someone who’s faking. I honestly don’t know how I’ve made it this long if I’m honest.” She said sitting back by Tommy, sighing and rubbing her temple. The drinks going to her head slightly.

Tommy shuffled in his seat and got up, standing behind her chair, speaking sternly.

“I’ve made a plan. It must be followed exactly as I say. No exceptions.” He said, Ada rolled her eyes bracing herself for whatever wild plan was about to spew from his mouth.

“Y/n is going to call Mr. Romboldi from a pay phone to tell him I accept the offer. When they get here in a weeks time, we’re going to meet them in Charlie’s yard. I’m going to order crates to be shipped there with my fucking gin, and you all will stand by while I negotiate. To help Y/n stay out of their grasp, we’re going to place her on sniper duty. If they ask about her, don’t tell them anything, act like you’ve never met her.” He said.

“And what if word gets out? You know it travels around here.” Linda said.

“Then you’ll just have to keep your trap shut so it doesn’t. Not until this business is dealt with. I’m sure you can manage.” Y/n said annoyed. Linda glared at her. She was always a chatty one.

Tommy smirked, and looked down at his watch.

“Y/n?” Tommy asked.

“Yes?” She said looking at him, her eyes boring into his.

“You’re going to go to the pay phone tomorrow like we discussed, but try to keep it simple. I don’t want him asking too many questions.” He said.

“Alright. What time?”

“Noon”. He said, walking over and pouring himself a glass of whiskey.

“Okay.” She said, before making conversation with Ada and Arthur. Her laugh filling the room as she joked around just like old times.

Meanwhile, Tommy looked out the window, the plans rolling around in his head amongst the scraping of the tunnels that plagued his mind every day. A mix of dread and happiness filling his bones. As much as he was happy to see y/n back, he couldn’t stand people being out to get her and his family. And he couldn’t bear losing her again, especially to those men. He hated that they forced her to do certain things and now that she was back home, he wasn’t going to let that happen again. He knocked back his shot, the liquid streaming down his throat attempting to numb the pain he felt as he processed what happened over the last 2 hours. Just 2 hours ago he was coming back from a meeting with Johnny Dogs. Just 2 hours ago he was out taking care of things around the shops. Just 2 hours ago his life was half empty. The only things in it at the time were his family and the sounds of shovels scraping through the tunnels, consuming his mind. But then as if a prayer was answered by some god he didn’t believe in, there she was at his doorstep. And he was determined this time to not repeat the past.

“You okay?” Y/n asked, walking over to him. Her red heels clicking along the wooden floors. He sighed and turned around to face her, his tired eyes meeting hers as he felt himself relax a bit at her presence.

“How about we get out of here?” Tommy asked, taking her hand in his.

“Are we going to your place?” She asked. He nodded and she smirked, seeing his lips turn up in a slight smile.

“Everyone be ready by noon tomorrow. I’m heading home.” He said, taking y/n’s hand and pulling her out with him. Everyone sat there for a moment and Polly smirked.

“Are they seeing each other again? After what he did?” Ada asked her.

“I’m sure of it. They say distance makes the heart grow fonder and I think that’s true for them. He never wanted her to go Ada. He told me after she left that he regretted it but I told him whats done is done. But you know him....he’s never been one to let things go.” She said taking a drag from her cigarette.

“Who would’ve known Tommy Shelby had a heart.” She said chuckling.

The rest of them laughed as they went about their business. All of them wary about what the next week would hold.

Meanwhile, back at Tommy’s estate, he gave Y/n a quick tour around, before leading her up to his bedroom.

Her eyes widening at the huge room and lavish king bed.

“Wow. You really went all out here aye?” She said smiling, running her hands along the cotton sheets. He caught her hand, and took it, turning her around so she was facing him. He smiled slightly as he brought his lips to hers. She kissed back, dragging both of them onto the plush mattress, feverish kisses being placed on her neck by the one she thought she’d never see again. They continued their escapades, their worries for tomorrow quickly slipping away as the daylight faded around them.

The next morning Y/n awoke to the sound of Tommy’s light snores, feeling his arms wrapped around her in a protective embrace. She wondered how long it had been since he’s slept decently, knowing all too well how his thoughts kept him up at night.

She let him sleep though, quietly getting up to wrap her bare body in one of Tommy’s robes as she made her way to the master bathroom. She went in and cleaned up, slowly coming to as the hot water dropped over her skin. When she got out she dug through her suit case to find a black dress and light sweater and decided that would work for the day’s activities. She quickly tensed though at the thought of conversing with Mr. Romboldi in an hours time.

As she put her last bit of makeup on, she heard Thomas get up and walk to towards the bathroom.

“Good morning love.” He said, kissing her cheek. She smiled and touched it, still in disbelief that she was here with him. She hated that’s she was bitter before, but now she’s grated to be there.

“Morning. How’d you sleep?” Y/n asked.

“Better. Better than I have in 2 years.” He said. She smiled and turned to hug his bare form. He had a genuine smile on his face as he placed a kiss on her forehead.

“Tommy Shelby, I never knew such a smile existed.” She said. He chuckled as he stepped away preparing the bath.

“Are you going to go call him?” He said glancing at the clock on the wall.

“Yes. I’ll go to the shop as soon as it’s done and report what I hear.” She said gathering her things.

“Alright. If you need help call me. I love you.” He said.

“Love you too.” She said before heading into his room and out into the luxurious hallway. She took a deep breath as she got in one of the cars and drove to the payphone in town. She put the coins in the slot, waiting for the operator to answer.

The phone crackled as she held the metal device up to her ear. “Hello how may I help you today?” The operator asked.

“Hi. I’d like to place a call to 5023. New York.” She said. Then waited for the dreaded rough voice of the man who took her in, yet whore’d her out to his enemies.

“I was expecting to hear from you dear. How is that shit hole treating ya?” He asked.

“Fine. Nothing beats New York, sir.” She said in her fake accent.

“Did you accomplish what I sent you there for?” He asked.

“Yes. He will pay the full price for our services. You are to meet him at the place you went last time. I think he called it Charlie’s yard?” She asked, acting like she didn’t know where it was.

“Yes, I’ll never forget that dump. Tell him we’ll be there Monday. I’m boarding the ship in an hour. We’ll meet them at noon. Good job miss Anderson.” He said.

“Alright, I’ll pass that along to him. Thank you Mr. Romboldi.” She said.

“You’ll be back here in no time, don’t worry. We can’t afford to loose our best shooter to a grimy razor gang, plus, I have some new men who’d love to meet you.” He said, an evil tone lacing his voice towards the end as he egged on the conversation.

“Goodbye. See you when I get back.” She said hanging up. Not waiting for a reply. She took a deep breath and shook the thought of giving herself to more random men out of her head and got back in the car, looking out at the busy streets as she neared the shop.

She immediately went in and said hi to Ada and Polly who smirked at her, knowing full well she stayed the night with Tommy.

“Where are you off to in such a hurry?” Polly asked.

“Just reporting to Tommy, is he here?” She asked glancing around.

“Not yet, but you can wait around here. I want all the details.” She said smirking.

Y/n smirked and sat down in a chair near Ada.

“Yes we fucked, what more do you want me to say?” She said taking a cigarette out of her pocket, Polly reaching out to light it.

Ada smirked “Well are you all dating or not? He hasn’t been with anyone since ya left for gods sake!” She said excitedly. Y/n’s eyes widened a bit in shock. Thomas Shelby not fucking around was something she’d never thought she’d hear.

“Well we definitely made up for lost time, but I don’t know if I’d call it dating. Hell, I just came back yesterday but I felt like I’ve never left. What do I make of that?” She asked.

“I think you should ask him. I’m sure he’s already said he loves ya. I can see it between you two.” Polly said. Y/n smiled remembering earlier at his house.

“Alright, I will.” Y/n said, watching the door, waiting for him to burst through.

Not 5 minutes later he did, walking straight into his office, his face expressionless as usual.

“Guess that’s my cue.” Y/n said sighing and reluctantly getting up.

“Good luck my dear.” Polly said before turning back to her work.

Y/n walked to the closed door before her and knocked three times, just as she did all those years ago.

“Come in.” Tommy said, his desk strewn with papers.

Tommy glanced up from his papers and motioned for her to shut the door. He quickly shuffled some of the papers away and sat up, his eyes on her as she took a seat in the leather chair.

“How did it go?” He asked taking a cigarette out of his metal case. Rubbing it on his lips before lighting it.

“Okay...I told him you’d accepted his offer and that you’d meet at Charlie’s yard on Monday at noon.” She said looking away from him.

He studied her movements, the way she fiddled with her hands, her eyes avoiding him, her brow furrowed with worry.

“What else did he say y/n?” He asked quietly.

She looked down as she spoke, tears threatening to fall.

“He said that I’d be back in no time. Meaning he probably wants me back any day now. He doesn’t know I’d be there with you all so I could just stay here as planned, but I don’t want them to find out I’m here. He said he had new men who’d love to meet me.” She said with a disgusted look on her face.

Tommy sighed and took a drag of his cigarette.

“I’m not letting them take you back, y/n. You don’t have to worry about that.” He said looking into her eyes.

“Well once his men find out I’m not back, he’s going to get word of it.” She said quickly wiping a stray tear from her face.

“If they do, we’ll just have to kill them then.” He said.

“What about the men back there? I’m not whoring myself out. I’m not doing that again. He’s a sick man.” She said as more tears fell. She hated doing things for her boss but it was a comply or be killed type of situation back then.

“You won’t have to do that anymore. You’re a blinder do you understand?” He said getting up and walking over to her. She got up and he pulled her into a hug, her cries muffling as she rested her head on his chest.

“I won’t let them hurt you. You’re safe here. Do you hear me? You won’t have to do that, I’m not ever sending you away again.” He said.

Once she calmed down, she looked up at him, his ocean eyes staring back at her.

“I love you...y/n I really do.” He said.

Y/n nodded and smiled. “I love you too.”

Later that night she got home late after joining the gang at the Garrison. Tommy was in the bathroom taking a shower while she was getting undressed and putting on a nightgown. She only had a finite amount of clothes, so luckily she was able to find the time to shop earlier during the day.

“I thought you’d be sleeping y/n.” He said as y/n sat up in bed reading one of Tommy’s books.

“I can’t, I have something on my mind.” She said, turning the pages.

“What is it?” He asked, getting in bed beside her. Kissing her shoulder as he watched her skim the book.

“Polly and Ada asked about us today. And Ada asked if we were together again...” she said, her heart racing as she spoke.

“Do you want to be together?” He asked. She took a moment to think, mad that she was so bitter before, but she decided to let those feelings go to make way for new ones. New beginnings perhaps.

“Yeah, I’d like to. Only if you promise to not boot me out again.” She said looking at him.

“Then we’re together then. And I’ve told you before love, I’m never making that mistake again.” He said kissing her shoulder before lying down. She smiled and closed the book, lying down and cuddling into his side for the night.

Over the next few days, they grew in their trust and in their relationship more. And when they weren’t dealing with the matters at hand, they decided to tell the family, which wasn’t much as they all expected it.

Y/n looked around the room at all of them, finally feeling okay with herself and with who was in her life, and by her side. But she couldn’t shake the nerves of her past, as she still had to deal with them when they got there.

Monday came around rather quickly though, much to everyone’s dismay. Her stomach lurched as she got a phone call at her new desk at the shop.

“Shelby Company Limited.” She said nicely.

“Tell y/n y/l/n we have a surprise for her. Courtesy of Mr. Romboldi.” He said and then hung up.

Her stomach lurched again, but in fear. She got up quickly, her face paling as she steadied herself at her desk, walking with shaking hands to Tommy’s office. It was an hour before noon. An hour before she had to get to her position.

She barged in frantically not caring that Tommy was in the middle of discussing the plans for today with Arthur and the boys.

“Hello y/n. What is it?” He said putting his cigarette out and sitting back in his chair with an annoyed look on his face.

“T-they know. Thomas they know my name. They know I’m here.” She said fear dancing wildly in her eyes.

Within seconds the boys grabbed their weapons and their caps and headed out the door to Charlie’s yard. Thomas on the other hand stayed behind.

“What happened y/n?” He asked gathering his things.

“I um, I got a call a few minutes ago. And he said tell y/n y/l/n we have a surprise for her. Courtesy of Mr. Romboldi.” She said her hands shaking.

Thomas paced around while checking the rounds in his gun. He pulled out a sniper rifle and loaded it as y/n stood there.

He quickly shoved the gun into y/n’s hands and stared at her.

“Y/n. Hey. Listen to me. I’m not letting him get you. I’m taking you to the rooftop overlooking Charlie’s yard ok? They won’t notice you. You’re going to go there and stay there unless we need you on the ground ok? Just take care of the men around us.” He said.

“Okay...” she said and followed him out to the car. He stepped on the gas, booking it there. It was easier for her to keep calm when she was hunting down other people, but it was terrifying knowing she’s become one of the hunted.

As they sped down the dirt covered streets they parked outside of an abandoned 3 story building. He quickly looked around and led her up to the roof to where she could see clearly. The wind nipping at her neck slightly as she adjusted her position and steadied her breathing. She could see John and Arthur standing guard below holding two suitcases and Michael, Finn, and Isiah on the opposite side waiting. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Tommy walk out into the middle of the area, checking his watch. As if on cue, a black dingy car pulled up as 5 men climbed out including Mr. Romboldi. They each had either a handgun or machine gun with them, along with a lone black suitcase.

She saw as Mr. Romboldi came near Tommy, sitting the briefcase on an old wooden table and opening it, revealing what looked to be a lot of money inside.

“I’m not here to take your money Mr. Romboldi, I’m here to give you your gin and your payment for your troubles.” He said as Arthur and John brought over the suitcases.

Mr. Romboldi smirked and lit a cigar. The smoke rising into the air.

“It’s not for you Mr. Shelby. It’s for y/n y/l/n.” He said.

“That name doesn’t sound familiar.” Tommy said, lighting a cigarette as he stared blankly.

“Are you sure? It sounds an awful lot like someone who we have workin’ for us by the same first name. You thought you could fool us y/n?” He said, loudly yelling the last part and looking around the rooftops.

Y/n quickly ducked down before he could look over towards the building she was perched on. Steadying her breathing as she waited.

Mr. Romboldi continued to ramble on.

“We know she’s here because she hasn’t came back to our headquarters, and my men are very fond of her. They’d know when a pretty girl like that goes missing.” He said. Still loud enough that she could hear.

Tommy blankly stared as he shook his head again, denying he knew her.

“Look, the only way we found out for sure was because one of them, a certain man she was seein’ mentioned her not visiting him. He was ya know...scheduled to see her one night this past week if you know what I mean...” He said chuckling.

“And he brought it up to my men and they contacted me while I was on that shitty boat. Now....I know we have a deal, and I’m accepting your payment this time, but I also have a deal of my own ya hear?” He said.

“I hear you. What’s the deal?” Tommy asked.

“You give me the money and the gin, and I pay you for y/n. She’s the best I’ve got in more ways than one despite her foolin’ us and I know she’s here. We researched into her little background and couldn’t find nothin�� on a fuckin’ Y/n Anderson.” He said taking another puff of his cigar.

“That’s unfortunate.” He said, growing tired of him talking. He motioned for Arthur and John to go as he sat up a bit.

“You ain’t leavin’ not with out giving me my girl.” He said. Her stomach turned over how he talked about her. Like she was some piece of meat ready for the wolves.

Tommy smirked and leaned in closer to him, one of Mr. Romboldis men pointing a gun at Tommy and walking near him until the barrel touched his temple.

He paid the gun little mind and continued.

“If she’s your girl...then why was she in my bed then aye?” He said, as he watched the older mans face grow red with anger.

“You bastard! I knew it. You can come on out y/n we have a ship to fuckin' catch.” He said yelling.

“I know for a fact that she wouldn’t want be with you. You’re just in a filthy razor gang!” He said. Tommy attempted to get up but not before the man clicked the gun a bit causing him to stop.

John and Arthur raised theirs as the other men stood guarding their boss, not getting a chance to reach for their guns. Arthur started beating one of them while John threw some punches and disarmed the other.

Y/n slowly raised her head up a little, just enough that she could get a clear shot.

Mr. Romboldi got up and took all the suitcases and walked to the car as Tommy tried to grab the mans arm to disarm him. He shot the gun, the bullet flying through the air at a random spot, hitting a building nearby.

Y/n aimed for the guys who were getting too rough with John and Arthur and quickly shot two bullets, each of them striking them in the head.

It gradually got more quiet as two of the 5 were dead. But Tommy still struggled with the man who held him at gunpoint taking a slew of punches to the face and chest. Michael, Finn, and Isiah fought the other two, giving her just enough time to find an opening to kill one of the men. She shot striking the man going after Finn, hitting him in the chest. The other guy soon ran over to Tommy, attempting to help the other man attack him. Tommy pinned one down laying punches on his face as blood sprayed up onto his dress shirt.

Y/n didn’t hesitate though, instead she shot the man who was about to attack him from behind.

As she took a moment to get her bearings, she saw Mr. Romboldi grab a machine gun out of his car, aiming right for Tommy who was slowly getting up after beating the guy to death. He unfortunately didn’t notice her boss aiming at him.

Before Tommy could pull out his own gun, he saw a shot hit the guys head. The once ruthless, balding, red-faced mafia leader from New York lying lifeless on the cold pavement as he bled out.

Tommy looked up and saw y/n. The smoke from the rifle still floating off the gun and into the air. He had never been so happy to be staring at the barrel of a gun, or more so the person behind it.

Without thinking, y/n got up and ran down the stairs and into the open area and ran straight to Tommy, not caring about the blood and dirt caking her shoes as she did so. He welcomed her with a warm embrace, as she looked up and examined his face, he was bleeding from his temple and his lip, but other than that he seemed fine. Despite his injured lip, she kissed him for a moment before he stopped her and looked down at her.

“Thank you, y/n.” He said.

She just nodded and embraced him again. Happy that she had the man that she loved back in her arms, and a job she loved to go to everyday. As crazy as it was, she wouldn’t trade this life for the world, no matter the cost.

[creepychippy]

Twisted Truth - Luigi’s Mansion 3 Fanfic

The whirring of Machinery, static Noises of Light and the occasional Chit-Chatting between some Ghosts echoed throughout the Laboratory that belonged to a certain little Ghost Researcher, who was currently researching something on his Computer.

17 Spectras were given the Duty of protecting valuable as well as important Elevator Buttons that were handed out to them away from a green clothed Plumber.  “He’s a malicious Ghosthunter who wants to stuff you into Paintings.”, as they were told. Most of them have put up a Fight against said Menace but were captured by him in the End regardless, including another Ghoul that was being deployed into one of the dome-shaped Capsules at the Moment, prominent by the all to familiar humming Sound that the trapped Souls got used to after a While.

“Gloria!”, the muscular Swimmer beside her called out, knocking a few Times on the Glass to get her Attention. He in Return got a sheepish Wave from her, her other Hand readjusting the Wig she was wearing on her Head as it got a little bit messed up during the Exchange Process.

“Yeah, I... sadly got captured. The Plumber’s got some groovy Moves however, I tell ya that.”

For a few Minutes, the ghostly Residents exchanged many Words between them, which however died down after a While, as there was seemingly nothing to discuss about anymore. That is however until the quiet Pianist took Note of something.

“Kruller, you seem to be pondering about something. What is on your Mind, if I may ask?”

Upon hearing his named being mentioned, the ghostly Cop snapped out of his deep Thoughts, resulting him glancing around in a confused Manner for a few Seconds before he turned towards Amadeus.

“Ah, I- it’s just-... n-nothing, really...”, he stammered out, his Hand shakingly fixing his Sunglasses. Even though he was one of the few Ghosts who got caught early on, he seemed still shaken up about it.

“Are you sure it is nothing? It appeared as if something is troubling your Mind, at least so it did to me.”, the ghostly Pianist calmly explained while having one Arm behind his back and gesturing with the other.

“Uhm, well...”

For a Moment, Kruller hesitated, but he quickly collected himself.

“Isn’t... it weird? All of this?”

“What do you mean, Dearie?”, a sweet Voice beside him suddenly chimed in. Apparently, the Conversation between the Cop and the Pianist has gotten the Attention of the ghostly Maid.

“I mean, what I’m- uhm... what I’m going to say next may sound strange, but... I don’t believe that the Plumber that Miss Gravely t-told us about is as evil as she makes him out to be...”

Upon noticing that some confused Stares were aimed towards him, his Voice went quieter at the last few Words, as some Sweatdrops were building on his Forehead again.

“Elaborate, please.”, the ghoulish Pianist told the ghostly Cop, his Eyebrows furrowing a little bit.

“I just mean- I mean, look at him. Miss Hellen told us that we potentionally have to face off against an evil Baddie who along a malicious Scientist wants to lock us into P-Paintings and keep us trapped in them forever. However, when I-I watched him through the Cameras from Time to Time, even encountered him-... all I saw was a scared and frightened Human, p-perhaps... lost even...” 

At this Point, every Spectra’s Attention was turned towards the nervous Mall Cop, quietly listening to him explain.

“Lad, Ah fought against Enemies that wanted me dead when Ah was alive, regardless if they were wetting their Pants or not. Just 'cause he was frightened doesn’t mean that he's innocent or that he doesn’t have any ill Intentions.”, a booming Voice that had an scottish Accent to it suddenly broke the Silence that had built itself around the Room just mere Seconds ago.

“Actually... I-I think I have to agree with Kruller in this Case. For someone who is supposed to be ‘a scary and vicious Ghosthunter who wants us locked away forever’, he appeared quite hesitant with attacking me, at least for the first few Moments. Not only that, but we have been trapped inside of these Capsules for Hours now instead of these terrifying Paintings that were mentioned.”, the thin Bellhop chimed in out of the blue as he folded his Arms, him seemingly pondering about something as well.

“Erm, t-that’s not the only Thing, though... P-please take a Look at that Capsule that stands besides Dr. Potter and Ug.”

As everybody turned towards the transparent Device, it turned out that said Capsule was empty.

“N-now look at all of us. Which one of us is missing?”

Thinking about it, everybody eventually came to the same Conclusion.

Morty.

“That is indeed weird. Where is he?”, the green Gardener scratched the Back of his Head, as he was puzzled as to what could have happened to the Movie Director.

Raising his Cap slightly with his gloved Hand, the ghostly Hillbilly decided to throw his own Argument into the Round.

“Well, maybe dat good ol’ Pipsqueak of a Plumber jus’ snatch'd dat shiny Button right out of our dear and beloved Director’s Hands when he wasn’t lookin. After dat, he jus’ left him ’lone to do his own lil’ Thing.”

“B-but don’t you realize something?”

Kruller was now staring at Clem, hoping that he would understand what he was trying to get across.

“It means that the supposed ‘malicious’ Ghosthunter and his little Scientist Friend wasn’t out to capture all of us like we were told and previously had assumed, else Morty would be here with us at this very Moment.”, Serpci exclaimed as the Revelation suddenly came to her Mind.

“Exactly! A-and besides that-”, once again, the intruiged Glances were being directed at the ghostly Cop, “- I-I think there’s something else I noticed...”

Timidly adjusting his Sunglasses as they slipped off a little bit before, he voiced the other Realization he made out aloud to everyone.

“E-every Ghost, i-inside this Hotel, us included, behaved much more... how should I say this... ‘agitated’ or ‘aggressive’ than usual...”

The ghostly Residents quietly looked at each other. Now that Kruller mentioned it, the ghoulish Inhabitants of this Place did indeed act out much more strangely as of lately.

“T-take Steward for Example. Remember when we talked about the Encounter we had with the Ghosthunter?” 

“Yes, I did.”, the red clothed Bellhop answered while staring at the purple Cop.

“Y-you said that you threw the Luggage inside the Garage at him when he fought against you, right?”

“You did what now?”, the sweet Voice that the undead Maid carried turned into a much more shocked Tone upon hearing this sort of Information.

“I know that you work a lot and are probably under a lot of Stress, but it isn’t like you to suddenly act out like this, Dearie!”

“Well, I... I don’t know what came over me. I just saw the Luggage and my Mind instinctively went ‘throw it at the Plumber’.”

This Time, some concerned as well as worried Glances were shared around the Group.

“A-and you, Chambrea. Please tell us how your Encounter went again.”

“I was peacefully cleaning the Room and saw a pretty Suitcase, but the green Ghosthunter appeared out of nowhere all of the sudden. Out of Panic, I... swallowed the Suitcase and fled the Scene...”

A slight Blush crept across the Maid’s Face as some murmuring from others could be heard. Meanwhile, Kruller decided to explain his Part of the Story, and at the End he finally turned towards the ghostly Chef beside him.

“Well, I was cooking in ze Kitchen as usual, until ze Plumber and his weird Doppelganger suddenly broke into it, which caused me to drop my Dish and.... suddenly lash out... at zem...”

At first, the orange Cook was confidently telling his Part of the Story, but his Voice dropped as soon as Realization dawned on him and he uncomfortably rubbed his Neck.

“Mister Wolfgeist, do you may want to continue?”, Chambrea calmly asked him, however Worry was now stretched over her Face.

“I was playing on my Piano, until that green Plumber walked into the Auditorium. I thought I could ignore him and simply just throw some Chairs at him to scare him off, but he turned out to be much more persistent than what I had previously assumed him to be. After that, he captured some Goobs, causing my Concentration to be thrown off and ulimately leading me to become really mad at him. In a Fit of Rage and Attempt to finally get rid of him, I... possessed my Piano and tried to slam it into him... destroying it in the Process...”

The well known nonchalant Expression that the Pianist carried on his Face was suddenly replaced with that of Dread, as he slowly looked down upon his Hands.

“Um Himmels Willen... what in Lord’s Name just came over me...”

On and on the Explanations went, with most Ghosts expressing the Feelings of Regret and Guilt as well as that of Unease and Concern along the Way and everybody making Revelation after Revelation.

“Just what the Hell is going on?”, Johnny blurted out while holding his Hands against his Head, as the current Situation admittedly made him more and more anxious as well as puzzled.

The DJ next to him tried to talk to the ghostly Swimmer in order to calm him down: “Johnny, Sweetie, please chill out. I’m sure we can find out what exactly is going on!”

“I be sure that Hellen be behind all o' this! I swear on me other Eye!”

“Miss Gravely? Why would you think that she would do something like this?”, Dr. Potter questioned the aquatic Pirate while adjusting his Glasses.

As every Soul was beginning to get into a heated Argument, including Ug who only was able to speak Gibberish, the ghostly Maid noticed that the Bellhop beside her was starting to act more nervously.

“Steward, Dearie, is everything alright?”

“...’s all my Fault...”, he mumbled in a tense Manner, his Sentence being barely audible, and he anxiously rubbed his Arms.

“Steward?-”

“It’s all my Fault!”, he blurted out all of the sudden, causing the Discussions between the Spectras to come to a Halt and look at him.

“How is this your Fault? You can’t be behind all of this, now can you?”

Crossing his Arms, Amadeus proceeded to stare at Steward questioningly, like he was trying to knock some Sense into the Bellhop for even bringin up such Claim.

“A-apologies, Stress got over me again. It’s just... I could have maybe prevented this and I’m blaming myself for it.”

The ghostly Cop gave him a sympathetic Glance and spoke up: “How so?”

“All of you perhaps heard about how a special Guest came to the Last Resort to visit us, correct? King Boo, as I recall. Before he arrived here, everything was running pretty smoothly and-”

“So ya think it was him?-”

Promptly, the ghoulish Pianist held up a Hand towards the pink Electrician.

“Clem, let Steward finish, it is rude to interrupt him when he wasn’t finished talking.”

“M’sorry.”

Clearing his Throat, the blue Spectra continued: “As I said, everything was pretty normal. That is until I went onto Miss Gravely’s Floor to retrieve the Elevator Buttons as well as Instructions and hand them out to you...”

He stopped for a Moment and grabbed at his Bowtie slightly, but collected himself and proceeded with his Story.

“No matter where I looked, there were Sculpures as well as Painting of this particular Guest everywhere. I... I think I even caught some Glimpses of Merchandise of him... Gee, I-I should have warned all of you and talked about it after all of what I have seen instead of keeping it to myself. In Hindsight, it was definitely a red Flag and certainly not normal...”

Some disturbed Expressions where exchanged in the Round, until MacFrights finally spoke up.

“So ya think a small wittle Boo who calls himself a ‘King’ could’ve done all of tis?”

“It wasn’t a small Boo, far from it! He was far bigger than Miss Gravely, his Appereance was much more different as well as menacing than that of a regular Boo and he wore a Crown with a Gem on it!”

“A Gem?”

The intruiged Queen chimed in as her yellow Eyes stared into those of Steward’s.

“Yes, a giant purple one.”

“Hmm, you’re definitely onto something then.”

In a Matter of Seconds, the entire Attention was now focused solely on Serpci.

“When I was alive, I was told Stories about how Kings and Queens amongst the Lands would use Gems that contained great Powers within them to rule over their respected Kingdoms. Even in todays Era, Tales of Folks using these particular Gems to harvest their powerful Abilities and utilizing them to their Advantages still make the Rounds.”, she recalled to the Group, one Hand resting against her Cheek while the other supported her Elbow.

“Of course!”

Ths Time, everybody turned their Heads towards the Capsule that contained the Triplets, since one of them, Ginny to be precise, seemingly remembered something.

“It has to be Mind-Controlling Magic that he’s using against us! Me and my Sisters know about a Tale that took present inside of the Evershade Valley a long Time ago. A Being with powerful Abilities apparently was able to use Mind-Controlling Magic against the Ghosts that reside there in said Area. We were so impressed an fascinated by that Story that we even have a small Replica of the Gloomy Manor inside an Aquarium in one of our Rooms!”

“So-”, Soulfflé kneaded his Temples, “if I’m understanding zis correctly, all of zis Trouble is happening because our dear Hotelowner has an Obsession over a big oversized Marshmallow who decided to trick and manipulate the entire Hotel? Just great...”

Even though it was pretty apparent what was going on, there were still some unanswered Questions that lingered in the Air.

“But what Reason would they have to bring a Ghosthunter here out of all Places, let alone send him after all of us? It just doesn’t make any Sense in my Head!”

Seeing Gloria getting so frustrated, Clem let out a tiny Snicker followed by a sarcastic Comment while he casually leaned back in his Rubber Duckie Floatie that he was lying on.

“Before ya totally break yer Head over such complicated Question, why don’‘t cha ask the Lady who’s behind all of this hersel-”

A familiar humming Noise once again echoed throughout the Room, interrupting the undead Electrician in his Speech, and every trapped Soul turned their Head towards the Source of the Commotion.

A certain ghostly Hotelowner with her beloved Pet was deployed into one of the Capsules this Time.

This was going to be one long an interesting Discussion.

[thebeautyofdisorder]

Dangerous Game ~ BBC Dracula, Gate Scene AU

@festering-queen Requested a “what if” scenario if Agatha stepped over the line a bit during the convent gate sequence, and Dracula was able to get his hands on her. This could have gone MANY different ways, and the first couple days of thinking about this were literally just me debating the many options I had on my hands, but this is what I settled on - hope you enjoy it.

Warnings: blood, threat of death, vampirism, nudity, you know - everything that applies normally to Drac

Word Count: 3,118

It happened in an instant, far quicker than she could react. For all his snarling and threats, Agatha had the vampire keening like a starving pup - helpless, angry, feral with hunger as her hand outstretched in an offering of her blood to his seeking tongue. She observed him with sudden calm appreciation as his eyelids hung heavy, feeling a fleeting swell of power that she nearly got to appreciate, even. But just as her grip lessened on the handle of the knife, prepared to drop it and back away and cease to taunt the beast while she was ahead of the game, those blackened eyes shot open and met hers with such mocking clarity that it halted her in her tracks, the triumph in her eyes faltering into sudden, heart-stopping dread. 

It was too late, then. Agatha was too close, she’d known it, and had trusted that in his blind desperation for sustenance that the Count wouldn’t take note. She had been very wrong. Without so much as a growl, his hand shot out and grabbed for the knife and her hand all in one grip of his gigantic fist, yanking her over the ephemeral threshold, her feet barely skimming the ground with no chance of catching traction. 

The screams and gasps from her sisters rose up behind her in chorus of panic, but even in all that chaos for a fraction of a second Dracula didn’t even acknowledge that he’d gotten the nun into his clutches, too occupied in using her hand as a vehicle to better press the sharpened steel to his tongue, licking it clean. It was only when she stepped back towards the “safety” of the iron gate and tried to yank herself free did she feel more than hear him chuckle in dark, mocking glee, and a gasp was torn from her throat, her world spinning as he pulled her into his grasp. Her back might as well have hit stone for all his bloodied chest gave on the impact that she felt rattle her own bones, both her upper arms suddenly constrained in a bruising grip. The knife lying useless on the ground near her feet, Agatha found herself forced to watch her sisters cower in terror and worse - look on her in pity.

“It seems fortune doesn’t always favor the brave, does it Sister?” He leered from behind and above her, grinning down at her in a manner that might have passed for charming had his teeth not been forged into sharp, jagged points. His breath smelled coppery and disturbingly sweet, and cringe from it though she did, for a strange, mad moment she almost wanted to ask him about it, before remembering that there were definitely more important things to worry about at the moment than understanding the vampiric anatomy. Currently the fact that she was forced very snugly against said anatomy and was probably about to die a very painful death for the luxury. 

His focus left her quickly though, watching over her shoulder as the Mother Superior tried to force a brave face, her short frame standing in front of the gaggle of girls as though she could actually forge a barrier between them and danger. All but her.

“Well? What’re you waiting for, ladies? Your sister’s been captured, you’re all ‘armed and ready.’ You outnumber me, clearly.”

“Honestly, they’re nuns not idiots,” Agatha scoffed at him, before addressing them directly - just in case, seeing some of them start to stir antsily. “Stay back!” 

“Come now. Not even one of you? What righteous warriors you make,” he continued to mock with disappointed laughter, laying out his lure as Agatha watched helplessly as her anxious sisters looked more unsure by the moment. 

“Isn’t that what that god of yours is always going on about - self-sacrifice for the greater good, defending the helpless, blah blah...blah. You are knights, you have your swords, the frightened princess is seconds away from being eaten…”

“Oh please,” Agatha mocked, turning her head to glance between his self-satisfied smirk and the faces of her friends in frank disbelief.

“Who’s going to slay the dragon?” Dracula challenged in that melodious whisper, tightening his hold on her visibly, causing her to hiss as what could only be described as claws began to dig into her flesh through the thin fabric of her habit. 

“Do not rise to his bait - he’s only trying to lure you out,” their matron, having gathered her wits, echoed her earlier sentiments, but with the authority to actually enforce them, and despite the sinking feeling in her gut, Agatha looked at her with genuine thanks as the girls began to slink back. She would not be the reason for their deaths, and that at least she could make peace with.

“Give it up, dragon - I’m the only nun you’re getting out of there tonight, so just kill me and get it over with,” she exclaimed stubbornly, turning her head to look up at him where he still stood behind her, watching the sisters retract with an exaggerated pout.

He laughed, throaty and low, turning her in his grasp to look her in the eye.

“Oh no one likes a martyr, Agatha - isn’t it?” he purred, and her eyes widened a margin at hearing her name on his lips.

“So you heard,” she persisted, squaring her jaw, not falling for any more of his intimidation tactics. How much worse could her circumstances really get, anyway? 

She was armed, as well, to be fair. The wooden stake was in her pocket, and if he would just not grip her arms so tightly, she might have been able to put up some kind of fight - but as though he genuinely could read her mind, his grip on her left arm tightened to the point of bruising while his hold on her right turned feather light and faltered as he shifted his hold from her upper arm to her wrist, pulling her palm up to his mouth. 

She had entirely forgotten she was still bleeding, but clearly the vampire had not, and the split flesh gave a sudden throb at the reminder, just before she felt him drag his tongue over the seeping wound, a hum of pleasure that was nothing short of obscene reverberating against her hand. She hissed, her fingers flinching in fruitless effort against his hold, though the sensation wasn’t exactly pain, even if it wasn’t far from it. It was a bizarre tingling that made her squirm, though there wasn’t anywhere to go. She cursed him under her breath in her native tongue and she was surprised to hear him chuckle, drawing back from her hand though he still held it aloft, never far from his lips.

“Ooh. You’re really not very good at this nun thing, are you, Agatha?” He asked mockingly, before looking up at the stars thoughtfully and licking his lips, her eyes drawn to watch his throat work and swallow in the firelight.  

“Agatha Van Helsing where in the world did you come from?”

“You seem to know everything else, why don’t you tell me?” She shot back bitterly, fighting off the panic in her voice. So that’s all it took, a few drops of blood and her inner workings were laid bare to his prying eyes? Frightening, sure, but mostly infuriating. 

“Holland, right?”

She glanced sideways at her sisters for a fleeting moment, and gave a nod to Mother Superior, hoping she would take his pre-occupation as a sign to begin to bring the other girls to safety, but she didn’t dare let her focus stray from the vampire long enough to watch.

“As I’m sure you heard in my accent. I know detectives that could volunteer twice that information in half the time. Surely you can tell me something more interesting than that.”

“Are you challenging me, Sister Agatha?” He asked, though despite the hint of a growl that still lingered in his voice, he looked wholly entertained by her open defiance despite the fact he could have killed her already. “You do enjoy dangerous games - you must be bored to tears in this place.”

“As though you don’t enjoy showing off,” she challenged dryly, looking him over with clear accusation, though her eyes didn’t stray past his chest before retreating upwards once more. “Come on. Tell me something I don’t know.”

Agatha watched as he took a moment to process what she could only assume were her own memories, seeing multiple small reactions flit over his features. She should've rightly tried to use this distraction to her advantage, feeling his grip on her lessen a hair - but she knew deep down it would just end in a quicker death for her in the end. She still wasn't sure if that would be her best option. 

Surely it was the most Catholic choice she could make - but if she were going to sacrifice herself "for the greater good" as he had so quaintly put it, now was not the time. Not when she could learn more, and not when she was so sure to fail any attempt she could make to destroy him or even save herself. 

Count Dracula's mouth suddenly broke into a wicked grin, ripping her from her thoughts. Not a good sign. 

"And? Still waiting." She pressed, impatiently. 

"Well, if it makes you feel better Agatha, your "training" might do your sisters some good after all," he stated musingly, watching a few of them retreat back within the walls of the convent, clearly unconcerned now with slowly but surely losing his audience. 

"And why is that?'

His brows rose as he looked down at her almost fondly. 

"Well, you left undead Johnny in the same room as his bleeding fiance, of course. I can't imagine his appetite taking long to surface. If you think I'm a fright when I'm hungry…"

Agatha had to fight back the urge curse again, if only because it would entertain him too greatly. Stupid stupid stupid…

"Jonathan Harker would sooner stake himself than harm Mina, you know that. Apparently it's all that moralistic willpower that made you so fond of him in the first place," Agatha dismissed him stubbornly. 

The Count sighed, looking over her head towards the upper level of the nunnery. 

"Mm. Truer words never spoken, I'm afraid - it'll distract him for a little while I suppose."

"What do you mean? Surely dying twice is enough," She asked, no longer hiding her concern. 

"Curious little thing, aren't you?" He mused, almost inwardly, using his hold on her to drag her further back from the gate, so they were standing far out of earshot from the other nuns and they could see the flickering light in the window where Agatha had last abandoned his 'bride'. He held her fast against him with one long arm while he pointed up at the window. She might’ve seen a shadow pass just below her eyeline, but she couldn’t be sure.

"He tried. And failed. The undead cannot commit suicide. Call it a curse, if you will. He'll be out for a little while, definitely wish he were dead, but unless little Mina drives the stake in herself, he will wake up and when he does...he will be weak and he will be hungry. Now if you trained your troops well enough, maybe they'll be prepared…"

His head tilted, studying her face, which she was sure was full of many things for him to appraise, hating herself for it but far too distracted by her own thoughts to mask them. If she didn’t know better, his smirk almost retained a hint of pity.

“Or perhaps Johnny will surprise us both, he is a lively one. Now - “ he immediately led off from his passive attempt at comfort, turning her in his grasp so quickly, Agatha wondered if he was really so unaware of his own power or if he was still delighting in showing it off to her alone.

“I would ask you to invite me in, but we both know very well even if I promise not to slaughter your family that you won’t. Even if it means a rabid infantile vampire may tear a few of them limb from limb, you are far too stubborn to ever do anything that I ask of you, nor would you believe any promises I make,” the vampire began, sizing her up seemingly as he spoke with a chuckle as mocking as it was appreciative. 

“Who would?”

“And threatening your inevitable death will get me nowhere, you religious types are always far too keen to sacrifice yourselves.”

“Trust me, Count Dracula, in comparison to hearing you babble nonsense for another half hour, it would hardly be a sacrifice,” Agatha spat out before she could help it, fruitlessly trying to create some distance between them despite his grip on her - she about cursed herself once more, but apparently instead of angering him, all she’d done is amuse him again. 

He’d let out a surprised laugh, melodious and loud, so she was sure the others would’ve heard it from downwind. Wonderful, now if she ever did get back (unlikely) she’d have ‘consorting with the devil’ to deal with - more than usual.

“Agatha Van Helsing, what am I going to do with you?” He breathed, and she realized with mounting dread that he really didn’t even know himself. 

“Honestly, you didn’t even have a plan when you showed up here, did you?” She couldn’t help but ask, furrowing her brows. Why was he so calm?  

“I typically don’t need one, but it seems you wanted to make it difficult for me,” he stated softly, the accusation clear in his eyes, though it was almost playful in nature now. 

Without the growling, bestial thing that had met her at the gate, she was just being held by a bloody, naked aristocrat staring down at her with a fondness that was completely foreign, and she found herself more disturbed by his approval than his threats. Those she had expected, this...she wasn’t sure how to navigate. 

“Do you think your sisters would be so brave without you? Should I find out?”

Even seeing that he was baiting her, Agatha knew there was literally nothing stopping him. He could kill her now, just to get her out of the way. Probably preferable, because otherwise he could just disable her. Knock her unconscious, break her leg, rip out of her tongue - whatever would stop her from stopping him. And the sad truth was that she didn’t know. Most of those girls were young, helpless things, just there for intimidation in numbers. They would crumple in the face of genuine threat, no matter how strong their belief or their wills. 

“Leave them alone, and I will come with you willingly.”

“Who says I want you to?” He returned too quickly, his face a mask of indifference, though the curiosity twinkling in his eyes was a dead give away to his intention. He just wanted to see how she would respond. To see if she would show desperation, or weakness. He was toying with her, just like she had toyed with him. God help her, for her sisters’ sake, she was going to have to let him. For now. 

“You have a long way to travel, Count Dracula. And while I’m sure you can manipulate Jonathan into doing whatever you like, having a half-crazed ‘infantile vampire’ in your charge for a long voyage would only draw attention to you and fail to provide you any sustenance. Besides, no one in there would be any use to you. Most of them have spent their entire existence locked within those walls. Their lives are hymns and prayers and chores and guilt and nothing else whatsoever. Take me and you might actually learn something.”

“Perhaps. But you would also try to kill me the first chance you get,” he accused in a whisper, that hint of wicked amusement still never leaving his voice. Apparently attempted murder was a novelty to for him.

“Are you saying that actually frightens you?” She accused, quirking an eyebrow, turning his challenge back on him.

“Careful,” Dracula warned, eyes narrowing as his grip on her tightened a hair, apparently capping his amusement at being called a coward, though he didn't disagree directly - information she decided to retain for later. If she would see later. 

He was silent for a long moment, enough to begin to worry her that he'd refuse her entirely. But slowly his lips twisted up into a satisfied, if resigned smirk, taking one last look up into that window before returning his focus to her fully. 

"You drive a hard bargain, Van Helsing, but I suppose you do have a point. The devout do always leave a bit of an...aftertaste." 

He let loose one of her arms, at least, though immediately reached up and pulled at the ties of the white fabric that was serving its purpose, blocking her throat from his view, yanking it and her wimple from her head in one swift motion, that pulled at her hair and made her yelp slightly. His lips twitched, but he seemed to choose not to acknowledge it. 

“But you nuns tend to draw a lot of attention in your own right, especially while unconscious…”

“I’m sorry?” she clarified irritably, still narrowing her eyes as she used her free hand to push her hair from her face. She considered using it to slap him with instead, but considering she would likely just end up with a broken hand for her trouble, she resisted the urge.

“Oh, I’m not going to have you straggling along behind me out in the mountains, Agatha, that would be positively uncouth. You understand…” he drawled, his gaze having dropped from her eyes and now locked onto the column of her throat with that same heavy-lidded intensity she saw at the gates. Feeling his large hand tracing her collarbone, she swallowed, forcing herself to be still as he loomed over her, now even more so than before it seemed. 

“How kind of you,” she snarked, though her words were no longer registering to him at all, and she watched in the lantern light as his eyes clouded with red once more, and those long, cold fingers curled around the base of her neck, making her shiver.

“Don’t worry, I’m going to make you last,” he assured her with finality, that bestial snarl thickening his voice once again, and the last thing she felt before sinking into a hazy sleep was the sting of sharp teeth sinking into her flesh, followed by that same tingling she’d felt earlier, until she felt nothing at all. 

------

I’m just going to tag all the people I normally tag when I make Dracula stuff, or anyone I think MIGHT want to see it based on your interests, feel free to ignore me if you’re disinterested. 

@hoefordarkness @allis143 @punk-courtesan @dracula-s-bride @charlesdances @chrsitophwaltz @vlladtepes @bellamortislife @fuukonomiko @serindiyoza @alma37 @profiler-in-courage @lamourcommecesttoujour @hyacinth-meadow @guardianbelle @lets-talk-about-claes-baby @claesbang @undead-notunreasonable @bangtheking @vissidarte213 @mood-adlock @onyxthevampire @the-sign-of-tea @feralstare @leah-halliwell92 @break-free-killer-queen @mephdcosplay @girlonfireice @chelsfic @imagineandimagine @the-last-legs-last-leg @moonwalkerkari @river-soul @drsherlockmoffat @dwacuwa-is-baby @mysticaltimemachinewench @hopipollahorror @beyond-antares @bloodspatteredprincess @pullthedamnlever @ss9slb @gatissed  @mitsukatsu @le-fay-87 @flyingleapdisco @desperatefrenchwriter @crowley-needs-a-hug @crazytxgradstudent @garlicbreakfast @kandomeresbitch

Okay, if I didn’t tag you it’s just because I got tired of scrolling my notes before I reached you, haaa. My bad. Or tumblr won’t allow me to tag you for some reason.