#by that i mean i post once a week or a couple times a month as opposed to never posting at all 😂
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hi, everyone. i hope you all are doing well. i’ve been meaning and wanting to check in here for many months but i have also been too afraid to. but i want to do it now because im potentially at a turning point and i want you all (especially close friends and mutuals who i haven’t talked to in a long time) to know what’s going on because unfortunately i do not have the strength to reach out individually right now, as much as i desperately want to.
when i left this place a year ago my depression was extremely bad. i didn’t know how long i was going to be gone or whether i was leaving for good, but i knew i needed to make some changes in my life before i could be here healthily again. well… 2024 has been a year of IMMENSE change for me! a lot of it has been for the good. i made some progress in my life by moving out, and i’ve had a lot of joy and healing in (very slowly) building a home for myself and figuring out what kind of life i want to live and how i want to live it. (im learning how to drive! i have string lights and stuffed animals and a wii! i am capable of solo travel!)
but… a lot of the changes that have happened this year have been for the worse. in almost every respect 2024 has been one of the most difficult and painful years of my life (and that is saying something!). this year a couple of traumatic things have happened to me and around me, and it has been extremely hard to live my life despite and beyond them. i have been dealing with physical and mental health issues that have greatly impacted my quality of life and make it unbearably difficult for me to get through every day. i am constantly running on negative spoons. one of the most damaging outcomes of this is that i have almost completely withdrawn from society both online and off and that is not an exaggeration. ive stopped talking to all of my friends and family except for people i see every day at work. i impulsively isolate myself when im in pain / distress despite knowing both emotionally and logically that it makes literally everything worse and i don’t know how to (and often can’t muster the mental strength to) work through the shame and grief and anxiety to seek connection and support. and im struggling to take care of myself including physically and its having severe consequences in every aspect of my life and in the lives of people who care about me. i live alone and i still think that was the good and right choice for me to make, but i am profoundly and agonizingly lonely. my depression was extremely bad when i left here, but i think despite everything it might be even worse now.
all of this is to say: this week i finally decided i can’t suffer like this anymore, and i began the process of seeking a formal diagnosis for my depression and other mental health issues and exploring additional treatment beyond talk therapy (most likely meds but there may be other things too / instead; still at the very beginning stages of figuring it all out). i am extremely anxious about many dimensions of this but also hopeful that it will help me hurt less because when i tell you at this point my brain and heart physically ache from depression like 85% of every day…. lol. im really hoping that once i get my mental / emotional pain under control i’ll be able to start tending to the parts of my life that have withered while ive suffered and repair the damage of my neglect as best i can. (which is to say… if you’re my friend and you’re reading this please know i love you and i miss you terribly and i am so sorry we haven’t spoken and i am so sorry im telling you this in a tumblr post you may not even read instead of a reply or a call back. i still love you and i want you to know it is not you specifically i am ghosting, its everyone. i am trying to build the strength and im scared i can’t but i hope i can.)
that said… i have decided i am not going to be coming back to this blog. i miss this place and the community i felt connected to here, but the way i was using this website as a public diary was extremely unhealthy, and as much as i miss it and still crave the instant comfort/validation i see clearly now with months of distance how damaging it was. (i truly cannot believe i was oversharing like that lol i am so private now (yes due largely to mental illness but still!)) i am so grateful to everyone who reassured me when i was struggling and celebrated my successes. this was the first place, online or off, where i (misguidedly but it’s true!) could actually be honest and candid about things happening in my life and my reactions to them instead of communicating it all through metaphors in my art and poetry, and it truly mattered that i had that experience here so that i could seek out more spaces like it in my offline life. i know i already said thank you in a previous update but really… thank you. 💗🫂
im not planning on deleting this blog. i may come back here and share updates like this one from time to time, but otherwise i will leave it as it is. but… i do want to get back to using a few of my fandom-centered sideblogs because looking at and compiling art of things i like is a low-energy thing that makes me happy! so you may see activity there every once in a while (tbh during this hiatus i have opened tumblr from time to time to look at art and save a bunch of posts that i wanted to reblog eventually lol). but… if i notice myself slipping back into bad habits i may private the sideblogs or abandon them completely.
i don’t know how to end this post. actually wait yes i do. one of my all time favorite artists is anna-laura sullivan (@/annalaura_art on instagram) and this is one of my all time favorite drawings of hers (so much so that i made it my lock screen so i can look at it every day!). this saying has brought me a lot of comfort and i hope it (and her other art) will bring you comfort too if you’re also in a dark place.
one more thing: not to be kind of a freak but in writing this post i discovered a longer version of my goodbye post from last year in my drafts. i don’t remember why i didn’t post it and obviously it’s outdated now but i want to share the draft because i went into more detail about tumblr having been helpful for me specifically when it comes to my mutuals + info / disclaimers about how to reach me and i want you guys to hear that in my past self’s voice lol! i put it under the cut if you want to read it!
2023 tess said it best: i hope you know how much it’s meant to me to be in your company. thank you for sharing and thank you for listening. i love you. happy [almost] new year. be well. good luck. shine bright. until we meet again ☕️🐈🫂💗
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WHY DID NOBODY TELL ME BURROWS END WASNT FREE
#I DIDNT TALK TO ANYONE ABOUT IT BUT STILL. SOMEONE SHOULDVE WARNED ME BEFORE I GOT COMPLETELY INVESTED#I know next to nothing abt dimension 20 I’m pretty sure I just saw a post abt burrows end specifically MONTHS ago and was like 👀👀👀#opened a tab with the first episode to watch later and promptly forgot about it#until last night! having a bad night and was like hrm what if I just watch smth#and I’ve been reading watership down recently!! finally got my own copy bc it was my favourite book when I was like NINE#so I am fully primed to fall in love with a story abt little animals rn and man#I am OBSESSED with this and also realising yeah I’m at a point where I could get very into tabletop rpgs now#what if. what if I just get dropout. what if I just do that. would that not be fun. I would like to see the stoats do stuff#i am so in love with Ava and her player and I understand so much more about brennan lee mulligan now. and VIOLA#viola may be my favourite character I’m obsessed with how she interacts with other characters.m#i NEED to know what’s up with thorn’s cult thing. and also thorn. what is going on there#hrrgrhehh the thing that’s holding me back is I’m allergic to subscriptions#impermanence. even though I know it’s fairly unlikely I’ll wanna watch it again any time soon I don’t like the idea that I’d have to like#in a couple years pay for it again or not be able to bc I can’t afford it even though I already paid for it once#I’m a books + cartridge games guy and it shows.#okay. I will chew on this. the price is not unreasonable and I have coincidentally also been looking at make some noise clips#it does not help that I basically never watch things but my favourite podcast is also ending within the next month (2 episodes left)#and this IS primarily audio so I could cook + watch mayhaps. and I’ve heard good things abt all other d20.#they have a 20% off first year deal on. annual would make me less stressed long term if I end up liking this bc cheaper + choice premade#and would also mean I can do it now and not feel bad abt wasting the first month bc I won’t be able to watch much for a few weeks#fuck it I’m allowed to make frivolous purchases sometimes I will simply swallow the subscription distaste#more stoats >:)#that aside all the players are incredible I’m pretty sure when this is done I’ll wanna watch other seasons just to see what else they do#okay go do the thing I believe in you you can spend money sometimes#luke.txt#update I downloaded the app. I am putting off the decision for another day now bc it’s 1:21am and I have not been thinking clearly <3
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I cannot believe you are calling me out publicly like this 👀
#mjf#cm punk#yes i am still mad at phil for ruining everything#for anyone wondering#look at you with your wrestling tag 🥹#mjf is nottt my guy#👀👀👀#for anyone who cares i have a wrestling side blog which is only marginally more active than this blog#by that i mean i post once a week or a couple times a month as opposed to never posting at all 😂
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I’ve been told to make this caption from one of my photos (yes this is me in the photo). I have no control over any of this, I’ve been told what tags to use and how long the post is to be pinned to the top of my page. 😥
The post is up for three months (until June 8) and I am scared about how long I’ll get!!
P-p-please be nice. I d-d-don’t want my life ruined!! 😭😭😭
Update. If this post hits 100 REBLOGS I have to get a larger plug and dildo.
Update 2. You are all mean (specially @count-alta with your 20-odd reblogs)😤😭😭 I now have to get a larger plug and dildo. If it gets to 300 REBLOGS then I have to make a Discord server to show that I am in fact wearing the cage and plug 😭😭😭😭 this is getting both out of control and expensive
Update 3. It hasn’t even been a week. 😢😢 I’ve been instructed to add note milestones. I’ve only been given a couple for now but more will be added if any of you suggest something my dominant likes.
Update 4. I’m back from a brief hiatus from Tumblr while I settled into a new job, and I discovered that this post really took off. I now have to make discord (coming soon) and I’ve been given a new Reblog MILESTONE. If this post reaches 500 Reblogs I will have to start HRT. If it hits 1000 Reblogs then I have to find a man to fuck me on camera 😭😭😭😭. Please be nice.
Update 5: whelp it’s done. My Discord server is live
1500 notes: I have to keep myself hairless from the nose down.
1700 notes: Make an Amazon Wishlist and add 100 toys and clothes for anyone to buy. Anyone who buys them will get a free show with what they bought
1800 notes: my hair must be grown out
2000 notes: I have to resume my BambiSleeps regimen
2500 notes: Practice deepthroating the current sized dildo twice a week
2750 notes: I now have listen to Bambi sleeps every morning, afternoon and night on my days off
3000 notes: Sit on a 7-inch dildo 2 times a week for 30 min
3250 notes: I have to start using she/her pronouns
3500 notes: I have start wearing a bra everyday
3750 notes: Use a large plug now
4000 notes: I have to start an OF (ManyVids and webcamming as well once I find a better living arrangement)
4250: I have to film myself suck cock
4500 notes: i can only ever cum from anal
5000 notes: I can only wear androgynous clothing. Nothing overtly masculine
5100 notes: Sit on an 8-inch dildo 3 times a week for 30 min
5400 notes: Listen to Bambisleep hypno every time I do anal
6000 notes: edge with a Hitachi magic wand for 30 once a week
6500 notes: start using a ball gag whenever I do anal
7100 notes: Once a week I have to film myself anal training and share it to the discord channel
8000 notes: Sit on a 9-inch dildo 4 times a week for 30 min
8500 notes: I must listen to ALL hypno that is sent to me
9000 notes: The Hitachi edging session becomes twice a week
12300 notes: Clicker train myself to get horny to the thought of cock
13200 notes: Use an XL plug now
13500 notes: Only use 10-inch toys from now on sit on it 6 times a week for 30 min, once a week use a 12+ inch toy
15000 notes: I have to get either bottom surgery or an orchiectomy
20000 notes: I have to be spit roasted
25000 notes: I have to be the center of a Blow Bang
32500 notes: I have to be the center of a Gangbang 😳😳😳
#feminine sissy#submisive sissy#beta sissy#sissy tasks#sissifyme#humiliation sissy#permanent feminization#ruin me pls. so fkn hot#ruin my life#forced feminized#naughty sissy#beta sub#feminization hypnosis#feminizationtraining#humiliated sissy#caged chastity#locked in caged#sissy caged#cage slave#sissy and slave#reblog#bambi sleep#bambification#bambisleep#bambi subliminals#bimbo toy#bimbo in training#trans bimbo#trans nsft#trans ns/fw
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congratulations to the newly wed couple
thank you to everyone who has not only purchased the comic, but also had kind words to say in tags and through asks!! I am away for holiday for most of this month, and I have been/will be largely offline on account of this*-- but please know that my heart is incredibly full to know people like this story!!
(*any posts that go up here have been scheduled before I left)
A few recurring questions I'll answer here real quick:
Will Sacred Bodies have a physical print? Yes! I would like to self-publish this book after the fair is concluded and sell it at conventions and through my online store.
What are the Ba'It based off of? Their body/limb plan is based on pteradons!! with some bat and bird anatomy thrown in. Garaang are semi-bipedal so that makes the silhouette even weirder, but you see some quadrupedal stances in the comic and it might make more sense then. I don't want to post or talk too much about some of the minutae of their design, as it is part of the story itself. :}
What medium did you use for the comic? It's all digital; I used Clip Studio Paint to draw the entire thing. I use the base watercolour and design pencil brushes that come with the programme. How long did it take you to make the comic? It's a little hard to estimate-- initial ideas, visdev and writing drafts were intermitent at the start of the year; once I landed on the story, finalising the script would've taken no longer than a week of recurring writing and editing. It's the actual drawing that takes forever, unfortunately. I started thumbnailing around April, and pencilling, colours and painting were a 10-11 hour work-day commitment for most of June and July. (I lost a lot of work-time in May cause I fell ill, womp womp). I'd probably say it was 4 - 5 months of labour. Are you going to write more stories in this world? I would really like to! I have a lot of ideas rattling in my head for the Valley of the World-- the place that the folk of the Spire have escaped. That being said, I have a whole graphic novel to finish first! It has been pushed back on account (but not exclusively because) of me working on my SBCF entries the last couple years, and I don't want to neglect it any further!! (it's 350+ full colour pages though so it was always going to be a huge undertaking)
Thank you again for the outpouring of enthusiasm and support; it means the world!
#art#sbcf#scrb#monster#I'm basically on the first ever holiday I've gotten to take in my entire adult life#so these two things happening at the same time is supercharging me with happiness#I'm really sorry that I won't be able to address any of the lovely messages until I am back!
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Delusional - Lando Norris x Fewtrell!Reader
Masterlist
summary: In which the internet once again is fooled by your slightly overdramatic side. Rumors about Lando dumping you circulate but luckily the Mclaren driver is just as delusional as you are. Social Media Au
y/nfewtrell
Home
liked by kellypiquet and 60‘797 others
y/nfewtrell in my feelings bruh
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maxfewtrell did you take my hoodie?
y/nstans what why????
user567 sense a breakupppp
f1islife stunning
arthur_leclerc *plays taylor swift
user345 arthur what do you know
y/nandlan Lando didn’t like?!
user567 see his post? he seems completely unbothered
user898 Landos too good for her anyw
f1gossip you sound bitter
user787 i just always had weird vibes from her
f1gossip we‘ve met y/n and she‘s literally an angel
y/nfewtrell thanks means a lot
landonorris
liked by maxfewtrell and 567‘897 others
landonorris how I try to entertain
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user687 such a hottie
f1fans someone say unbothered cough
georgerussell63 I thought you were on a diet?
alex_albon he‘s abt 4ft tall he doesn’t need a diet
mclaren next week we back to veggies
f1lover wheres the missus
user789 y/n doesn’t attend most gps she goes to university
f1fans yeah but so do Alex and Kika yet they seem to be way more supportive
user789 I‘m sure shes supportive just maybe also focused on her on career?
y/nstans y/n not liking landos post has me scaredddd
maxfewtrell looking smug
landonorris thanks bestieeee
maxfewtrell
Paris
liked by landonorris and 123‘890 others
maxfewtrell took the little nugget to paris @y/nfewtrell
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user578 she‘s so cute
f1lover peeping the papaya phone case
norrisandme yes also Lando liked! they goood
y/nfrance we met her yesterday and she seemed fine
arthur_leclerc the nugget in the big city
y/nfewtrell miss you archer
f1gossip my fave friendship
user787 why is she already flirting with guys when the rumors aren’t comfirmed
maxfewtrell oh god if you think y/n can flirt you‘re in for suprises
y/nfewtrell thanks maxie :) loved the trip
team_quadrant let’s go to Brazil!!!!
f1gossip
liked by user676 and 12‘899 others
f1gossip You guys know we normally don’t cover anything realitionship releated but it looks like Lando and Y/n are going through some crisis. She appeared on a tiktok crying after a series of mysterious tweets and instagram posts. Neither her or Lando have yet confirmed the rumors. But she has been absent from his likes and vice versa.
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user676 she’s making it obvious
f1fans cloutchaser?
y/nstans shut up
landonorris @y/nfewtrell care to explain missy
y/nfewtrell no i dont care to, peace out
user676 omg they commented
norrislove they clearly are clowing y‘all
maxfewtrell the woman cries like twelfe times a day and people still wonder?
landonorris twelfe is a little much, ten maybe eleven
y/nfewtrell I have my reasons this time!
y/nfewtrell
Austin Texas
liked by charlottesine and 234‘890 others
y/nfewtrell my lanlan. I formally apologize for being a lot to handle sometimes. I do love you more than words could even get close to explain. Thanks for being the best boyfriend and bestfriend. Thanks for pretending I‘m 21 forever.
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landonorris my world, anything for you 🧡
y/nfewtrell love youuu
maxfewtrell disgusting
maxfewtrell we all know she aint 21, plus he’s MY bestfriend
f1gossip we stan an overdramatic queen
charlottesine power couple
y/nfewtrell thanks chacha
user787 how annoying all that for such a petty reason
f1fans right i was relieved he had dumped her ass
y/nstans sad people you are, she clearly makes him happy
arthur_leclerc happy 21st I guess ;)
landonorris whats with the wink you twat
f1user y/n control your mans
landonorris
liked by f1 and 1‘124‘799 others
landonorris happy 21st birthday to the most beautiful 21 one year old I know. I love you so much eventhough your overdramatic soul makes people assume we broke up every couple of months. I love you my angel.
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user676 21!?!?
f1gossip look at y/ns post
f1lover they have me dead
charles_leclerc isn’t she-
arthur_leclerc shut up charlie
maxfewtrell tell them!
y/nfewtrell thanks bean. I love you more.
maxfewtrell bean? cringe
kellypiquet such a beautiful girl
f1gossip so the whole drama reallly was bc she doesn’t wanna turn 22 hahaha
user67 she‘s truly overdramatic
f1 we love a supportive and delusional king
mclaren like a true gentleman Mr.Norris
maxfewtrell
Sao Paulo
liked by oscarpiastri and 123‘788 others
maxfewtrell happy 22nd second you LIAR, never thought Lando would go as delulu as you. Love you nugget.
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#lando norris imagine#lando norris fic#lando norris smut#formula 1 imagine#lando norris#lando norris smau#lando norris x reader#f1 social media au#lando x reader#f1imagines#formula 1 x reader#lando#charles leclerc#football imagines#norris#oscar piastri fic#oscar piastri imagine#imagine#fanfiction#charles leclerc imagine#charles leclerc x reader#f1 imagine#football
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Cat and mouse
synopsis: Your ex boyfriend has some nerve texting you at three in the morning — an entire week after the disaster breakup you had. You should really go over there and give him a piece of your mind. Well, you know what they say about famous last words. wc: 6.1k | crossposted to ao3 content: tomura shigaraki x female reader, no quirks au, toxic tomura, reader is kinda toxic too tbh, unhealthy relationships, breaking up and making up, vaginal fingering, overstim, breeding kink, piv, dubcon creampie, degredation, threats of baby trapping, hurt/comfort, sweet at the end idc
You’ve told your friends time and time again to stay out of your business. They never listen.
“Oh my god, Kirishima? Is he even twenty yet?” You drag as you watch your friend flip through several pictures of the redheaded boy like he was a member of the bachelor.
She smiles, scrolling her phone for more options, “no, but he will be in a couple of months!”
“No!” Your words are sharp. You love Mina but god, you don’t want her to play matchmaker with you. It’s not like you’re a charity case or something.
She gasps and you swear you could see the lightbulb go off above her head. “What about Denki? He’s fun!”
You groan, falling back onto the bed and covering your eyes with your arm. “Mina.”
“Hey, just give her a break okay? It’s only been about a week.” Your saving grace Yaoyorozu speaks up and it’s nice to finally have someone on your side.
“Thank you.”
“Seriously? So we’re just going to sit around and watch you mope about all day?” Mina questions, irritation clear in her voice and it grates your ears.
“Preferably, yes! Just let me be.” You roll over, face officially shoved into your pillow. It’s been a rough couple of days and you haven’t gotten a single call or text from Tomura. Not that you should be expecting one. You broke up with him after all.
It’s just.. this time feels different. Usually there’s more arguing and he’s fighting for you to stay around, but this time there was nothing. No quips, no insults, just “fine, get out then.”
That hurt the most.
You had no idea what he was up to.
Maybe he was as depressed as you were.
Maybe he’s found someone else.
The thought makes you stop in your tracks. The idea of Tomura, your tomura with someone else is enough to make you nauseous.
You jump to your feet and rush to the bathroom, locking yourself in and falling to your knees.
God, what if that was why it was so easy?
You pull out your phone, the device lighting up and unlocking with your facial id.
Tomura doesn’t use social media much but you could still check to see if he’d blocked you.
To your surprise, he hadn’t.
He hasn't posted anything either and there’s no new person in his followers.
You feel yourself exhale a breath you didn’t realize you had been holding. No change is a good thing.
There’s knocking on the door and you thank the stars you locked it. Your friends would judge you so hard if they saw you lurking through your ex’s social media.
“Hey, are you okay in there?” It’s your saving grace Yaoyorozu again and you almost feel bad for shutting her out.
“Yeah, I’m sorry if it feels like I pressured you! I’ll give you some space.” Mina's regretful voice calls and it makes your heart clench. You know she means well but she just doesn’t understand. None of them do.
Whether you want to admit it or not, you love Tomura.
Yes, you argue and yes, you fight, but he just gets you. He’s so cynical, but so caring — in his own special way. Too bad he was such an asshole. The argument wasn’t even supposed to go that far.
There are tears beginning to blur your vision and you wipe them away, willing the feelings down and standing to your feet.
If he wanted you to stay away, then fine. You could do that.
You splash cool water onto your face and take a breath, steeling yourself and getting ready to face your friend once more. It was Saturday and they were convinced you needed a fun girl’s night.
It takes a lot to refrain from cringing at the phrase, but you believe they held some truth with the idea. You definitely didn’t want to be alone right now.
You unlock the bathroom door, meeting Mina and Yaoyorozu’s worried expressions with a smile.
“We should probably get ready now, huh?”
Mina’s eyes light up, smile blinding and excitement contagious.
“Yes! Jirou and the others are here now.” She starts to clap, excitement buzzing around her, “Girl’s night is going to be amazing!”
—-
Girl’s night was a bust.
The moment everyone arrived the apartment quickly filled with chaos. Noisy and busy, it was all giving you a headache. Until someone decided it would be a good idea to pregame before going out.
In preparation for the night your friend’s insisted that you get dolled up, hair makeup and skimpy clothes you wouldn’t look twice at on any normal day.
You had to admit it made you a little more excited to get out and at least feel like your world isn't crashing around you. It was supposed to be a fun little night out. Somehow one drink turned into two, which turned into three which turned into Mina swearing she could beat everyone in a dance battle.
The group only got more riled up as everyone indulged in this silly challenge.
One challenge leads to another, which leads to more drinking, which then ends in everyone being too drunk to function and knocking out — all laid out in odd places around your living room floor and couch.
The groggy feeling came first, your arms radiating in dull pain as you vaguely recalled trying to beat Mina in a contest of who could do the most push ups. It sure as hell wasn't you, but the drunk version of you thought it was possible to move mountains.
You blink a few times, trying to will your eyes to rapidly adjust to the darkness of the room and find out what this odd buzzing noise beside you had been. Turning over, you find your phone, squinting as the too bright screen lights up your face and you see that it is three a.m.
You had fallen asleep with everyone else.
The phone buzzes again, lighting up and you have to squint further to read the contact name.
Tomura.
Your eyes widen as you scan over the three texts he’s sent you.
Wasting no time, you rush to your feet and into the bathroom so you can look at your phone without the chance of prying eyes overlooking your shoulder. Even though they were probably going to be out until late morning.
Tomura’s messages were short, no paragraphs, no essays but three different messages sent in succession.
When are you coming to get your shit?
I’m tired of waiting.
And I’m deleting our farm btw.
The first two messages don’t get much of a reaction from you, especially since it’s three a.m and he knows you’re usually asleep around this time.
But the third message…
Your Stardew Valley farm that you’ve had and worked on together for almost two years being put on the line and threatened? What the fuck was his problem?
This farm was a constant in your relationship. Throughout the ups and downs and back and forths. You were sure that hell would freeze over before you both would give up that progress. But here he is, threatening you while you would have been asleep. What an asshole.
Your feet are moving before your brain can stop them and you make your way to the front door. Since your friends were all passed out it would be easy to sneak over to Shigaraki’s place, give him a piece of your mind and then sneak back. In and out, quick and easy.
Your decision is made and you grab your coat, deciding to just go over there as you are. You hadn’t changed out of your outfit that was supposed to be for the night out, but it didn’t matter. You only needed to get over there and get there fast.
Once you arrive at Tomura’s doorstep you waste no time knocking. It’s around three in the morning so he should still very much be awake.
There's a chill in the air as you wait for his answer and you wrap your jacket closer to your body. A rumble of thunder caught your attention and it's then you notice the rain clouds rolling in. You knew it would only be a matter of time before the bottom of the sky falls out and rain drenches everything. You were on borrowed time if you wanted to make it back before then.
After what feels like forever the door finally opens, revealing a very cozy pajama-clad Tomura, who seemed a little too pleased for his own good — if that sly smile he was doing a bad job at hiding was anything to go by.
You don't give him a chance to greet you or say anything for that matter, stopping his words in their tracks as you cut him off. “What do you want?”
He doesn’t bother hiding his smirk now, the expression making your fists clench and your anger boil. “What do I want? You’re at my door, in front of my apartment.” He scoffs, clearly getting the exact reaction he had wanted from you, “I should be asking what do you want?”
Caught like a deer in headlights. Whatever, you don't let that stop you as you pull out your phone to show him his text. “You sent this, I know you’re bluffing. What do you want?”
Tomura shrugs, leaning against his door frame and giving you a pleased look. Expression relaxed and content. Not a care in the world. “To talk.”
“Well, I'm here now, so let’s talk.” You spit, crossing your arms and waiting for whatever else he would throw at you.
“Sure, but you should come in first.” He starts, looking up towards the darkened sky, confirming his assessment. “It’s gonna rain soon, you know.”
Of course you knew that.
You just didn’t want to give him more time than you had. But you agree and go in, ignoring the fighting feeling in the back of your mind screaming at you to turn away and hightail it out of there.
Tomura’s home is the exact way it was the day you left, give or take a few more containers of takeout littered around the place. You have half a mind to scold him about it, but quickly remember that it isn’t your place to do that anymore.
So instead you stay quiet, following him into the apartment and into the living room. Opting to stand as he sat, and resisted the urge to get comfortable.
“So, what do you want to talk about?” You try, done watching him pick up a controller and boot up a video game. Seriously?
Your patience was wearing thin now as you watched him ignore you to play some stupid game. You try calling to him again, knowing this was probably a waste of your time and groans.
“I was in the middle of something before you got here. Let me finish and we’ll talk.” It's flippant the way he waves you off and continues the game. The lack of care only hurting your feelings further and making you realize this may have all been a big mistake on your part.
You shouldn’t be at your ex boyfriend’s house being ignored. You should be at your house getting drunk and hanging out with your best friends. There was no reason to stay somewhere you’re obviously not valued.
It’s a simple choice when you put it into perspective.
But things are always easier said than done.
You sigh, the air puffing out your cheeks, a bad habit you had when angry, and walk right in front of Tomura’s TV. There was more satisfaction in making him lose the game and then announcing your departure than just leaving quietly.
He cranes his neck to see around you, but it doesn’t work, finally giving up as his character inevitably dies. “What!?”
“I’m leaving!” You announced, turning on your heel and heading towards the front door.
“You had to make me lose first? I said I was almost done!” He spat back, rising from the couch to follow you.
You shrug, “I don’t care. Why invite me in if you’re just going to ignore me?”
“Didn’t think you had the patience of a child.'' Tomura stands in front of you, cutting through your path and stopping you in your tracks.
It's almost comical the way he insults you. “Okay pot, meet kettle.” You try to brush past him, but he side steps with you.
“What are you dressed like that for anyway? Did you go out tonight or something?”
“No!” You deny, a little louder than intended and then pause. “But it’s none of your business what I do anyway.”
Tomura hums at this, taking the words in and running them through his mind as he gives you a once over, eyes scanning from the too-tight shirt you wore — showing a generous amount of cleavage, down to your mini skirt that left little to the imagination.
“Could've fooled me.”
“What do you mean by that?” You hate when he gives you cryptic answers, like it’s impossible to pry into his mind to see what he was thinking at the moment.
“You knew you were coming to see me so I dont get why you're wearing that skimpy shit. Unless you wanted me to check you out.”
“Not everything is about you, Tomura. Maybe I just wanted to dress up and look nice.”
“Bullshit—”
“God, Tomura you always fucking do this!” You yell, walking right up into his face. The excitement in his scarlet eyes sends a chill up your spin, but you can’t back down.
He gets closer, matching your tone and you can still see the grin he’s trying to hide. It makes you see red. “Do what? Tell you the truth? You know I’m not wrong.”
“Yeah, you think you know everything, but you don’t. I’m dressed up because I want to be, not because of you.” You’re insisting at this point, frustration threatening to tip over and spill out into the form of another pointless argument. Why did you think you could actually come over and have a decent conversation with him?
Tomura is a master at getting under your skin and hitting where it hurts. In all of your arguments he’s never really pulled out the big shots but you wouldn’t put it past him to do so now.
“Oh, so you come over to my place dressed like a slut and you expect me to believe you don’t have some hidden motive?”
And there it is.
Your last straw. He could be so egotistical and mean — you’ve had it.
You regret it the moment you do it, but your body moves before your brain can process your actions. You push Tomura. Hard.
He doesn’t fall back far but you know it’s enough to piss him off. And he’s never been one to hold anything back, so he shoves you back and your back hits the wall.
Tomura has you pinned before you know it and there’s a thrill that runs through your body in a way you know you shouldn’t be feeling. Your knees feel weak for reasons that are not related to fear and your panties were gradually becoming more wet.
His voice is low and his eyes are narrowed as he pins you against the wall, pressing your cheeks together with his other hand. “You’re really starting to piss me off.”
You have to bite back a smile, knowing this has taken a turn and you aren’t strong enough to stop where it’s going. Not that you would want to.
“Oh yeah? If I piss you off so badly then why are you hard?”
He doesn’t look down. He can feel his own arousal just as well as you can while it’s pressed against your abdomen.
Tomura pushes off of you — maintaining some distance as he turns away.
“You’re fucking annoying.”
“Sure am.” You supply, chipper and certain as you trail behind him.
He’s walking further into the apartment, and you follow. Legs moving on their own accord as you go further into the lion's den, exchanging quips and insults. You jab your finger into his shoulder, bothered by the way he continues to ignore you, it's a pathetic attempt at catching his attention and it works. Kind of.
The only response being him slapping your hand away with a glare and muttering a soft fuck off as he walked on.
You both went back and forth. Like the sun and moon, you just can’t stay away from each other.
It was how these things usually went between you and Tomura. He would start up, make a petty argument and you would never back down. Tomura is someone who was used to getting his way and others simply did what he said with no objections.
But that was not how you were.
And he loved it.
You knew by the way he would get that devious glimmer in his eye when you would challenge a point, starting up a debate. Sometimes they were heated enough to make you both break up. It never lasted more than a few days. A week being the longest.
Push and pull.
Tomura made his way past you again, ignoring your calls about how you hate being ignored. At this point you’re sure he’s doing it on purpose to rile you up more but you can’t help but take the bait. You grab his shoulder, forcing him to turn around and face you as you point a finger in his face.
“Stop walking away from me!”
He grabs your wrist and pulls you closer, making you stumble on your feet and almost lose balance. You were so close you could feel the heat from his body and smell the fresh linen scent of his shirt. “Don’t tell me what to do.”
You snatch your wrist away from him, tension between you two growing hotter by the second as the space between you got thinner.
“What are you going to do about it?”
The narrowing of his eyes only made your grin grow wider as you watched the gears turn in his head as he thought about just how many things he would do about it. All of it enticed you, so you beat him to the punch.
You reach forward again, fully intending to shove his shoulder again for another reaction, another glare, maybe even more words, but he stops you. It was fast, the way you both tumbled through the hallway as Tomura crashed his lips to yours. The relief of finally feeling his lips again meshed with the excitement of how rough he was with you.
You lose yourself in the kiss, welcoming him in with open arms as you vaguely register the dark walls of his room and posters plastered along the walls in your scuffle.
It was exciting, probably the best part of breaking up and making up. At this point you think the whole point of falling apart is coming back together again. An endless cycle where the reward is worth the punishment.
Cat and mouse.
You end up on top of him, straddling his hips while your smug smile beams down at him. Tomura gives you an unamused look in return, yet the way his hands rested on your thighs gave away the ill hidden interest. It was all the encouragement you needed as you leaned down, hovering above him with both hands on his chest.
“Not so tough now, are you?”
It’s bait. You know it’s bait, he knows it’s bait, but he takes it anyway — the way you knew he would.
Tomura wastes no time flipping the both of you over, quickly reversing your positions as he settled himself between your legs. It’s dangerous the way his actions riled you up further, and you have to bite your lip to keep the smile from betraying your false anger. You couldn’t let him know how excited you were to be back in his bed.
He presses your cheeks together and rocks your head left to right, tone mocking and eyes wild with fever, “Oh, look who’s become a firecracker all of the sudden. Where did that flame come from, huh?”
You want to respond, but Tomura beats you to it, releasing your cheeks and pointing a nimble finger against your forehead, “Don’t be dumb.”
His eyes trail from yours and then down to your lips, then finally down to your exposed cleavage. The movement was swift as he cupped one of your breasts in his hand and dipped down, claiming your lips again. It was softer than the first time but not by much, especially not when he matched his pace by grinding his clothed erection into you, making you moan at the contact.
Your skirt was so short and it made you feel even more exposed than you already were. Tomura had easy access to you and the thin fabric of your panties made everything feel so much closer.
You moan at the contact, swiping your tongue against Tomura’s bottom lip and wasting no time deepening the kiss as you pull him closer. You needed more and you needed it as soon as possible.
Tomura pulled the low cut front of your shirt down, easily exposing your breasts from the confines of the shirt and massaged them, his thumbs rubbing soothing circles against your nipples and making you cry out from the sensitivity.
He pulls away from you, eyes gazing into yours and you swore in that moment he put you in a trance. Tomura’s ruby red gaze always left you mesmerized and you can’t help the whimper that leaves your lips, brows furrowed and eyes wanting, “Please.”
“Please what?” And he’s not taunting you, he’s not mocking you. His eyes are soft as he brings a hand to your cheek. “Tell me what you want.”
“You.” Fuck, you’ve missed him. “I just want you.”
There’s a hint of a smile on his face as he strokes your cheek, soft look in his eyes making your heart flutter, and then it’s gone. Replaced by a hardened gaze as he moves to remove your shirt and bra, fully exposing you to his hungry eyes, and then moves to remove your short skirt.
His hands hover there for a moment, debating whether or not he should keep it on and fuck you in it, but then decides against the idea and pulls it off, taking your soaked panties down with it as well.
The air in the room feels cool against your skin as you shiver in anticipation.
“Fuck,” Tomura whispers, now eye level with your cunt. You gasp as he runs two fingers between your wet folds and holds the digits up to show you. Syrupy clear slick clung to them, slowly trailing down as Tomura rose back up, eye level with you once more.
“You’re so wet…” He murmured, bringing the digits to your mouth and you opened, taking them into your mouth and tasting yourself. You kept eye contact as you watched his eyes widen in delight — Tomura loved it when you put on a show for him.
There’s another moment of Tomura pressing against your tongue with his fingers and then he pulls them out, opting for a kiss in exchange, his tongue dipping into your mouth and groaning as he could taste what’s left of your slick on you as well.
The pleasant feeling and linguid action of your movements made your shoulders relax as you practically melted into his soft bed, the feeling of his body above yours bringing you mountains of comfort. It was a distraction, of course.
You felt the same two of Tomura’s fingers prod at your slick entrance before pressing in fully and all the way down to the knuckle. The stretch was intense but the pressure was euphoric, making you squeeze your eyes shut and grip him closer.
He didn’t make you wait long as he pumped his fingers, quickly finding that sensitive spot so deep inside of you that only he could pinpoint and brushing against it over and over.
The feeling was so good it made you pull away from the kiss to breathe, thighs twitching and toes curling in pleasure. You wouldn’t last long like this.
“Tomura, fuck..!” You moaned, drowning in ecstasy as he continued his abuse of your spot, never letting up or slowing down, aiming to make you cum as quickly as he could. It was obvious he wanted you to come undone as soon as possible by the way he watched your every expression.
The way your brows furrowed to the way you bit your lip. Tomura eagerly drank every expression and gave it back to you in the form of pleasure.
“What?” He started, unphased by your dilemma, “Gonna cum?”
It took a lot of focus and effort, but you nod — done with fighting for the night and accepting the fact that you will come apart quickly. So you give in to the pleasure.
Tomura smiles, a devious grin splitting his features as he curls his fingers, hitting the spot one more time for good measure and you lose composure, your climax crashing into you like a tidal wave. There was nothing you could do besides ride the feeling while holding on to Tomura tight — like you would get swept away if you didn’t.
He fucks you through it with his fingers, eyes never leaving your face as you come down from your high.
“Pent up, huh?” He questions, and this time there is that little hint of teasing. It brings you back to reality.
Yes, you have been pent up. You haven’t been able to get off to anything since you’ve broken up and it’s been hell.
You have no time for the games, you just want him and you want him now.
So, you take Tomura’s face in your hands, making him look you in the eyes. The flecks of black in his carmine eyes always makes you remember why you come back. Every single time.
“Fuck me, please, Tomura.” It's soft and filled with desire that you cannot be bothered to hide, and Tomura has never been one to deny you.
He quickly discards his own clothes, making sure to not stay away from you for long. His cock is hard and leaking precum from the head as he strokes it in preparation. You feel giddy at the thought and watch as he slides the head of his cock between your folds, coating it with your slick, and rubbing against your clit. The action makes your hips twitch up towards him.
He loves to tease and make you wait, but today he doesn’t make you wait long. Tomura leans down after lining himself up with your entrance and places his free hand behind your head, right above the nape of your neck. His hands were warm and the feeling of those hands cradling your head felt so comforting in the space of his familiar dark bedroom.
You bring a hand to his hair, tangling your fingers in his ashen locks as he pushes forward. The stretch makes you whimper and Tomura captures your lips in a kiss again, swallowing the noises and releasing a groan of his own as your walls tighten around his cock.
There's something about the way Tomura drags his hips, the way he starts off at a slow pace, winding you up as he steadily increases his speed and force. It happens so gradually that you don't realize you’re screaming his name until he tells you to shut up — threatening to cover your mouth because he didn't want his neighbors to hear how much of a slut you were.
It drove you mad the way he said it all with a smile and fucked you harder. Almost daring you to be louder so he can punish you with a hand over your mouth.
Tomura knew how rough you liked it and he always delivered, giving you back arching pleasure as he pounded into you. It leaves you gasping and struggling to keep your voice down. Your hands find the surface of his back, trying to hold on as much as you could with building pleasure on the horizon.
“Tomu— Tomura..! Please,” you cry and he doesn’t miss a beat, driving his cock so deep against your sweet spot it makes you see stars. “Fuck..!”
“Yeah, that’s it.” Tomura cooed, eyes filled with mischief as he brought you closer to the edge. “Cry for me.”
And you do, your body feeling euphoric as the feeling buzzed up your spine and filled your brain with the fuzz of ecstasy.
“What are you gonna do, huh?” He starts, his hips grinding against you, the closeness of his pelvis rubs against your clit, making you cry out again, “What are you gonna do when I breed this pretty cunt and make sure you’re stuck with me forever?”
He’s bluffing, you know Tomura doesn’t want kids. He’s just trying to gauge your reaction. Your dedication.
“Tomura…” You only moan, breath catching as he hits that spot inside you that he knows so well.
Tomura is smiling, wild and devious, as you look up at him with glossy eyes, so close to crying from the feelings, “I’m gonna do it. I’ll make you mine forever and you can’t do anything about it.”
“Ah!” You should stop him, tell him to calm down but he has your eyes rolling to the back of your head and your back arching off of the bed. Everything is blurring together and you can only slur words as the drool from your earlier kiss trails down your cheek.
You are completely at his mercy like this and you know your friends would be beyond disappointed.
It just feels so good the way his cock drags in and out of your body pulling moans and whines from your throat. He was relentless in the way he pounded into you — beyond the point of being soft and slow because he knows that’s exactly you like it.
“Say you want it.” The command comes with the slowing of his hips and you whine, high and needy as Tomura slows to a near stop.
“Tomura, I—“
“Say you want it or I swear to god I’ll stop right now.” It’s a threat and you don’t want to find out if he’ll go through with it. Tomura never goes back on his word.
“No, please, don’t— I want it!” you pant, frustrated and aching for more movement.
“I want you to,” you stammer, desperate to have your release. “I don’t care if you cum in me. I need you so bad.”
“That’s my girl,” He coos, dipping his head down onto your shoulder, “Fuck.. love you s’much”
You stop — you’ve never heard him say that. Ever. You doubted he would ever say it since it’s been so long.
He doesn’t give you a chance to ruminate on it because he's picking up the pace again and giving you the friction you were so deeply in need of. The feelings are swimming in your head as your cries reach new heights. Tomura is too far gone to stop you or care and you’re thankful. You couldn’t stop yourself if you tried.
The build of your orgasm crashes down and sends you with it, making your thighs quiver in pleasure and your eyes squeeze shut. Tomura’s mouth meets yours before you could cry out, the warmth of his tongue guiding you as he fucked you through it.
He didn’t last long after, the way your walls tightened around him with the force of your orgasm has Tomura’s pace erratic as he chased his own high.
The bed shook as Tomura finally finished, hips stuttered as he released inside of you, hot seed coating your insides and making heat rise to your cheeks. He really did it.
You watch as he slows to a stop above you, his eyes closed as he enjoys the feeling of release. Tomura’s breathing was heavy and you couldn’t stop yourself from bringing him down into another kiss, traveling from his lips to his cheeks and then back again.
It was intimate and you were worried it may have been too much, given the reason you were both in this situation was because of a stupid breakup.
Tomura’s pulls out of you, making you wince and taking the feeling of being so full away from you. He doesn’t go far, opting to stay on top of you and rest his head on your shoulder, wanting to keep you as close as possible.
“You really piss me off.” He mumbles into your shoulder, out of breath and tired. “God, why can’t you just stay with me.”
“Tomura…” Your hands run through his hair, the sweat is making it stick to his forehead as you wait for him to keep talking.
“Stop leaving me.” His voice is firm, unwavering.
“You told me to go.”
“I didn’t think you fucking would. I would never actually want you to.”
“I can’t read between the lines Tomura, I’m not in your head.” You make him look at you this time, pulling his hair a little to get him to raise his head. “Did you mean it?”
“I just said I didn’t—“
“No, the other thing you said.” He gives you a look of pure confusion and you lose a little bit of hope, “when you said you loved me?”
You stare into his carmine eyes, hoping, praying it wasn’t just pillow talk from the heat of the moment.
He looks at you for a long time, frustration still wearing on his features. If you didn’t know any better you would say he was pouting. “Of course I meant it. I’ve always felt like that.”
“But you’ve never said it!”
“I show it!”
“How?” This is getting frustrating and going in circles.
He groans, sitting up and taking his warmth with him. “I’m not going to sit here and list everything I’ve ever done for you. I don’t think it works like that.”
You open your mouth to counter, irritation on your tongue because that’s not what you meant, but Tomura stops you again.
“I don’t know how to explain it, okay?” He shakes his head and sighs, laying next to you on the bed and looking up at his ceiling. “It’s weird. I have these strong feelings, but it’s not hate, it's not anger. It's the opposite of that.”
You stare at him as he focuses ahead, keeping his eyes trained on the uninteresting ceiling above.
“Father said it’s a weakness and I should feel that way but,” There’s a pause as he looks away from the ceiling, meeting your eyes finally, “if it’s so weak of me, then why are the feelings so strong?”
Your heart aches. It's clear that he’s torn, and with the strange way he was raised you know that he can’t help the way he is.
“Tomura…”
“And it won’t go away. I can’t fight them down or push them away like I can with everything else. It eats me up and I… guess I lash out because of it.” He shakes his head and for the first time Tomura looks defeated. You’ve never seen him this way — he’s always been filled with confidence and self assured. “I just don’t know what to do.”
You bring a hand to his cheek as you press your forehead against his. It kills you that this is what’s been on his mind and you aren’t sure what you could do to fix it. Maybe there was nothing you could do, physically, but you would do your best to be there for him emotionally.
“Sometimes,” you try to be careful with your words, knowing how much Tomura looks up to his foster father even though the man has been nothing but strange to him. “People say things that aren’t true because they don’t know how to live with it.”
Tomura’s guardian cannot live with love nor the idea of it.
“That doesn't mean you have to live that way.”
And it’s the truth.
Tomura doesn’t say anything, just watches you with heavy lidded eyes, ruby red nearly glowing in the low light of the room. He was so much more than what people thought they knew of him and you didn’t care if it took time for others to see that.
He leans in, closing his eyes and you meet him halfway into a kiss.
It's warm and it's soft and you know that even when your phone is buzzing from dozens of missed calls and texts from your friends, it will be fine.
You and Tomura would take things one day at a time.
#shigaraki x reader#shigaraki tomura#shigaraki tomura x you#shigaraki tomura x reader#tomura x reader#mha x reader#my works#tomura shigaraki smut#shigaraki smut#shigaraki tomura smut#tomura shigaraki x reader#tomura shigaraki x you
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hey all. once again i'm frustratingly backed into a corner regarding my irl situation. as i posted earlier, my assistant manager informed me so much of the workplace abuse i've suffered these last few months have been a result of transphobic discrimination by my boss. after months or working 10+ hours overtime a week, consistently covering my boss's shifts because he decided not to show up, lack of training, safety issues and sabotage by giving me false information about my job tasks, just to start, it broke me. my A.M. is a really sweet man who is a queer person of color and stood up for me and my girlfriend whenever our boss would talk shit about us behind our back, but finally couldn't take it anymore and quit, telling me everything that's been happening. my boss has been trying to get me to quit by denying me a raise he promised, along with all sorts of other lies and misgendering. it's been weighing on me for months and it's all crashing down. we can't work there anymore. our boss is literally interviewing our replacements TODAY because he said he doesn't think we'll last the abuse.
problem is, financially speaking, we don't have much of a choice. i have a couple months of savings for rent, but that's pushing it. i'm sure i could find something in that time, and have been applying for a few weeks now, but my options are really limited regarding transportation. i want to try and get a car to help getting a job outside of our limited walk-able options, but currently i can't afford one *and* rent at the same time.
that being said, i'm going to be trying to do commissions while i'm working things out. if you'd like to help me out, it'd mean a lot to me.
https://paypal.me/George578?country.x=US&locale.x=en_US
Some examples of my work! Feel free to reach out for quotes. Estimated price for these would be ~$50-$100
Thanks so much.
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Okay bear with me folks, I have some ~thoughts~ about the Vanessa/Wade relationship (or frankly lack thereof) in Deadpool & Wolverine. I should start by saying that I am analyzing this with the (likely erroneous) assumption that everything on screen is 100% intentional and mindfully written to deepen the characters and inform their arcs. For the record, I don't necessarily believe that's true - there is certainly room for mistakes, lazy writing, confusing plot elements, or in this case, sidelining a potentially strong and important character for nebulous reasons (I'm guessing scheduling conflicts + run time concerns + actor's strike complications but idk for sure). (Also thanks to @gossippool and @kendyroy for encouraging me to post my thoughts instead of just rambling in the tags in the first place, y'all are the realest)
Long rambly post below the cut fyi
Now, granted, it has been a while since I watched the original Deadpool so I am not as well-versed in their early relationship as I am in the handful of scenes Morena Baccarin has in dp3, but I do think it is pretty canon that Wade generally struggles to express his deeper worries and feelings (without filtering it heavily through crude humor, sex, and pop culture references of course), especially after the events of dp1 and the physical and mental damage he sustains, and Vanessa is frankly no exception despite how much he cares for her. The entire first movie hinges on the fact that he doesn't really believe she could love him in his post-Francis mangled state, which is pretty contrived imo given that the film has established already how bonded they are, and she doesn't strike me as being written to be so shallow as to reject him based on a physical deformity. I mean iirc she wanted to stick around through chemo despite him being literally riddled with inoperable cancer, so she clearly is in it for the long haul (at least in dp1), messiness and all.
Now, in dp2, obviously she is shot and killed early in the film, and Wade spends much of the rest of the film wallowing in his very profound grief, trauma, and guilt over losing her due directly to his violent lifestyle. He goes to prison, he basically gives up on life and seems very resigned to dying once he has the power suppressant collar on, even excited to do so so he can be reunited with her. She is mostly sidelined as a Fuzzy Dead Wife trope basically, but the important thing here is that he spends weeks if not months in the throes of despair over losing the love of his life just as they were trying to start a family, and trying to reach across the boundaries of death to be with her.
Now, my first couple times watching dp3 I was frustrated by the trite narrative presented in the interview scene towards the beginning - specifically Wade's whole "my girl is getting tired of my shtick and I need to show her I matter". It felt contrived and disingenuous, and I just brushed it off as iffy writing, a means to an end, but the more I reflect upon it the more I think it is based in an emotional reality that is just handled with a very light touch by the film in favor of fanservice and Poolverine content (NOT that I'm complaining in the slightest - I think this movie is a masterpiece in many ways, albeit a flawed one but that's beside the point here), which for the record I am not against because I think it lends it an air of realism. This is Wade's story after all, Vanessa is a part of it but it is ultimately about him and his journey.
Basically, I think the combination of what happened to him in dp1 (the brain damage, the trauma, the awareness of the fourth wall, etc) followed by the events of dp2 (Vanessa's death, his grief and the associated guilt and trauma of being the direct cause of her death) led to an unbridgeable emotional gap between the two of them that ultimately leads to their breakup.
It's important to note that I don't think Vanessa has any recollection of her own death, given that Wade goes back and saves her before she can take the bullet, and so of course she can never fully fathom what Wade went through grieving her and their life together and their potential family, for however long he spent between her death and bringing her back with Cable's device. She can try (and she clearly does in the one scene I'll talk about next) but I fear she accepts, maybe even in that scene, that she can never succeed. He is beyond her reach by this point, and vice versa, his experiences having fundamentally changed him.
The one scene we really see from their relationship between dp2 and dp3 is the one where Cassandra mind-gropes Wade in the Void and we see Vanessa struggling to reach Wade across this aforementioned gap - she wants him to open up, she wants him to share what he's going through, she wants him to be the person she initially fell in love with (not even selfishly - to her nothing has changed really, because to her no time has passed). But not only does he not understand what she's really asking for but he responds in such a way that makes me think he has unprocessed issues that are only tangentially related to what she's saying - ie the stuff about mattering, about asking her if she even wants to be with him, etc. And he's not the Wade Wilson she met back in dp1 anymore. He watched her die and grieved her and brought her back, believing it would make everything go back to normal and they could resume their life together as if nothing had changed, but he has been fundamentally changed in a way that she can't grasp, even if he WAS good at externally processing his trauma openly without the artifice of wry jokes. She didn't "come back wrong" - instead, she came back exactly the same as before, but HE'S different now. Not wrong, per se. But changed.
It's an interesting scene because it's obviously a memory, and a crucial one at that, but you can see how Wade is misunderstanding what she's saying, viewing it through the prism of his own lack of self-worth and his own hopelessness - he takes away that she thinks he doesn't matter (even though like he says she didn't actually say that, but I don't think Cassandra invented that wholecloth - I think she pulled it out of his psyche because that's what he believes deep down, hence why his fixation on mattering even though she never said those words exactly), he takes away that she doesn't want to be with him, that she thinks he's nothing. Which would be frustrating as an audience member to witness as a pretty simple misunderstanding which could potentially be solved with one conversation, but it feels believable to me that these two people who have shared a great love would be fundamentally separated by unimaginable, cosmic trauma, and the on conversation they would need to have to rectify the misunderstanding is one that is impossible for Wade to verbalize and equally impossible for Vanessa to conceive of. It was one thing when they had shared trauma like violence and SA in dp1, but what Wade has gone through in dp1 and dp2, humor aside, is unfathomably traumatic, brain-breakingly so even, and that's not even factoring in the possible mental illnesses he now struggles with (I've seen folks suggest schizophrenia, DID, depression, etc. but I won't get into armchair diagnosing a fictional character here - suffice it to say he is canonically unwell as a result of what has happened to him, and yes it manifests as quirky fourth wall breaks and cheeky one-liners, but within the universe of the movies he is undeniably profoundly mentally ill, and that includes this humorous alter ego he created to cope with his trauma).
I think off-screen Vanessa probably really tried to reach him, maybe for years (the six year gap implies to me that they didn't break up immediately, that they tried for a while to stay together), trying to get her Wade back, but that Wade is gone. He struggled to express that to her until eventually he started to feel rejected because he couldn't express his trauma or how much he has changed, because even he can't fully conceive of the gulf that has formed between them. The truth is, he WANTS to be that Wade again, for her and for himself, but that Wade died when she died. Or maybe he had already started dying when Francis got a hold of him in dp1.
Anyway, all this is to say, I think Morena Baccarin WAS criminally underutilized in dp2 and dp3, but I think there is a strong argument to be made for the believability of their breakup regardless. I think even relationships built on enormous love can crumble due to trauma, and what Wade suffers over these movies is mind-bogglingly enormous trauma. It's especially heartbreaking that he blames himself for their relationship ending, talks like she just got tired of him, thought he didn't matter, whatever. But it is a credit to him that he never seems to feel anger towards her about it. He doesn't seem to feel entitled to her, though he longs for her and what they had and what she represented (hope, love, a future, a family), but ultimately she becomes more of a symbol of what he lost when he gained his powers, because let's be super fr right now - even if they had succeeded in having a baby, not only would they have lived in fear of her or the kid getting killed, but ultimately Wade would likely outlive both of them even if they managed to die natural deaths. The moment he gained his powers he was already destined to lose her, which is heartbreaking because she was the only reason he opted for the treatment in the first place - so he could stay with her.
I think a big part of Deadpool & Wolverine is watching Wade continue to process his own motivations (vis-a-vis Vanessa but also his other friends) and how he does eventually let go of the idea of "mattering" in favor of just saving the people he cares about (*cough* and being saved right back *cough* by Wolvie, as the final line and shot implies). And in the process he finds someone new who cares about him, who thinks he matters, who tries to sacrifice himself for him and his friends after mere days of knowing him, who comes home with him at the end of the story, who breaks his own centuries-old patterns, who has also experienced unimaginable grief and trauma, who has struggled with wanting to die and being unable to, who not only matches his crazy but matches his FREAK and also not only won't die on him but CAN'T die on him - and more importantly cannot be randomly killed by a stray bullet.
Idk if any of this makes much sense but I do think if you read between the lines and consider the potency of trauma and grief, guilt and emotional damage at play here, Vanessa and Wade's off-screen breakup is actually pretty realistic, and really heart-breaking to boot.
You can tell she still cares about him in so many ways - she shows up for his birthday party, she shows up to his welcome home party at the end, she finds excuses for physical contact multiple times, her eyes get soft when she looks at him, but there is a distance there that Morena Baccarin does an incredible job of portraying. She cares about him deeply, she has mourned the loss of their potential life together, she has let him go and accepted that the Wade she fell in love with is gone, but she wants him in her life even though she's moving on because she realizes he's gone somewhere she can't follow (literally and figuratively). And she wants him to be happy which is why I fully believe she would immediately clock the Poolverine of it all and not-so-subtly encourage them to make it official.
Anyway. Poolverine forever. Nothing against Vanessa at all - I think she delivers a nuanced and beautiful performance, I think their relationship is sweet and heart-wrenching in large part due to her acting chops, especially given how little she is given to work with - but I think their relationship was sadly doomed from almost the very start, because Wade becomes this traumatized superhuman and Vanessa would always be at risk in his orbit, but also would always on the outside of his multiverse superhero experiences. I think it's weirdly beautiful, even if I am filling in a lot of gaps and giving the writers maybe undue credit.
Anyway... thoughts? Please DM me or write in the tags, I am feral about this movie and just want to talk about it with anyone haha. If you have further insight into these characters too I'd love to hear it - I am by no means an expert in these movies or characters!
#wade wilson#deadpool & wolverine#deadpool and wolverine#poolverine#deadclaws#wolverine#deadpool#deadpool 3#deadpool x wolverine#vanessa x wade#rambly meta thoughts#anyway thanks for reading if you made it through#I def didnt edit this much just sorta wrote it out#I have more to say but it will have to wait I think#deadpool meta#vanessa meta
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vicious 🍒
charles leclerc x reader (smau)
summary: singer!reader starts soft launching a relationship with charles leclerc amidst a new album and tour after a messy breakup with lando norris...
song: (literally every single one mentioned lol)
author's note: back on my smau bs! faceclaim is sabrina carpenter bc DUHHH!!!! i honestly just loveee the messy drama and petty posts w this one
NEW ARTICLE: VANITY FAIR
After almost two years of fiery romance, pop singer Y/N and F1 driver Lando Norris split after cheating rumors
Rising pop sensation Y/N had temporarily put her music career on hold to accompany her new boyfriend, F1 rookie Lando Norris, on his journey to dominance. The couple's public debut was in Monaco, following Norris's first Formula One win last year. After being photographed together several times after that, the pair finally decided to be more public with their relationship, with Y/N attending every Grand Prix at Norris’s side.
The media was ablaze with chatter about their fairytale romance, causing fans of both stars to swoon and declare them the next "it" couple. For nearly two years, Norris and y/l/n were inseparable, gracing every magazine cover and dominating headlines. But suddenly, everything changed. Rumors began circulating that Norris had been secretly seeing a stunning model for the past three months, sending shockwaves through the fandom. Soon, the once inseparable pair stopped appearing in public together, leaving fans to speculate if their relationship had met its bitter end. Now, all eyes are on Y/N as she prepares for her highly anticipated next album. Will she address the rumors and set the record straight, or will we all be left in the dark?
yourname proud to announce my second album, vicious, will be yours november 15th <3 more news soon x
liked by f1, charlesleclerc, landonorris, and others
-user8465 YES YES YES
-user9902 oh we're about to get all the answers
-user4558 if the album is as good as the cover photo we are about to get FED
-user5041 everyone place bets on how many of these songs are about lando...
landonorris A steady couple of weeks for the team, ready to take on more tracks soon!
liked by maxverstappen, mclaren, f1, and others
-user4902 sir are you aware you are about to get cooked
-user5506 um id go into hiding if i were you
-user4558 people already jumping to conclusions yall calm downnn
-user1141 have you not SEEN the cheating rumors??
-user4558 we have literally no idea what happened between them tho
-user1141 girl i fear we are about to know tho
yourname all because i liked a boy :,)
liked by charlesleclerc, sonymusic, f1, and others
-user0402 please tell me the caption is a lyric on the album i might die
-yourname shhhh...
-user0402 I DIED.
-user5903 charles being messy in the likes i cant
-user4304 y/n i don't think we are ready truly
yourname the first single, feather, is out now for you to love and enjoy!! kisses
liked by charlesleclerc, sonymusic, yourbestfriend, and others
-user3560 oh she's moved ON.
-user2094 "you wanted me, no DUH" we all said in unison
-user3932 im so sorry for your loss lando!!!
-user8856 she really just called this man a waste of time...icon behavior
-charlesleclerc A tune.
-user6678 CHARLES??
charlesleclerc Feels good to have a couple wins under our belt, the fight for the championship isn’t over yet.
liked by yourname, f1, scuderiaferrari, and others
-yourname red looks best
-user7704 hey so what does this mean
-user5089 charles dominance could bore fans
-user6723 so no ones gonna say anything about y/n in the comments? okay
yourname the vicious tour, coming to a city near you <3 check my website for more info ;)
liked by maxverstappen, charlesleclerc, sonymusic, and others
-charlesleclerc the ticket is already in my cart
-yourname what a loyal fan <3
-maxverstappen can i tag along?
-user4783 omg what did i walk in on
-user4370 charles and y/n i- um- how did-
-user3904 i need this album like yesterday i cannot wait any longer
yourname vicious is officially out now!!! creating an album is always so daunting, but everything i went through this past year has brought me to where i am now :,) the lyrics, melodies, and tears flowed out of me like a literal waterfall and this record slowly evolved into something so personal and beautiful, and i hope you all love it as much as i do. for those who have bought tickets to the tour, i'll see you all so soon. xoxo
liked by charlesleclerc, landonorris, maxverstappen, and others
-user3204 i simply have no words this is beautiful
-user5103 how is it possible to both cry and shake my ass to this album
-user0989 i know lando is somewhere sobbing and shaking
-user6434 everyone reply with ur fav songs so far!!
-charlesleclerc Picture You ;)
-yourname cheeky.
-user5568 could it be perhaps...because...its about you, charles?
charlesleclerc WORLD CHAMPION! It feels so good to finally have a WDC. The team has put in countless hours of work this season and it finally paid off. Red Bull and McLaren challenged us all year, but I've always had faith in myself and this team. This is a moment in my career that I will never forget. I'm ready to enjoy some time off, but I'll see you on the track soon.
liked by yourname, f1, scuderiaferrari, and others
-yourname my champion <3
-charlesleclerc ❤️
-user6845 OMG THIS IS NOT A DRILL
-user3579 we all love you charles!!!!
-user9356 charles wdc and y/n soft launch in the comments yall are we okay
-user5602 once again lando is probably crying and throwing up
-user1362 karma tastes so sweet
-yourname tell me about it
yourname he's good for my heart ☀️
liked by charlesleclerc, f1, sonymusic, and others
-charlesleclerc mon amour <3
-user5412 she's got him using that heart im obsessed
-user7584 going from wag to wag again she's truly iconic i fear
-user0049 girl why hide the face we recognize that man anywhere
-maxverstappen Soft launch of the century.
charlesleclerc my two loves. welcome to our little fam leo <3
liked by yourname, maxverstappen, f1, and others
-yourname love u both <3
-user6731 oh my god i might cry
-user0823 u can tell charles is so perfect for y/n im so happy for them
-user7803 charles better treat her well or we ride at dawn
-charlesleclerc i'll love her forever
-user4812 CRYING I LOVE THEMMM
thx for reading!! might make a part 2 with y/n on tour...
#formula 1#formula one#formula one fanfic#f1 x reader#f1 fanfic#f1 fic#f1#charles leclerc#f1 imagine#charlesleclerc#charles leclerc x female reader#charles leclerc x you#charles leclerc x reader#social media au#smau
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Salt & Pepper
Moon Knight System x GN!Reader
cross-posted to ao3
tags: rated T for teasing, domestic fluff, author does not condone touching people's hair without permission, no use of Y/N
wc: 1,078
fic summary: Marc, are you familiar with the term "silver fox"?
A/N: i might have a problem lol
_____________________
“Put. It. Down.”
Marc Spector does not startle easily. So when he nearly falls from his perch beside the bathtub, you’re surprised you have to steady him.
“Jesus, where’s the fire?” Marc picks up the towel and small cardboard box he’d dropped because of your outburst.
Shifting your focus, you zero in on the latter: hair dye, just as you’d suspected.
“So this is what you get up to when I’m away?” You tut, cradling his temples and shaking your head. "What happened to you?"
"What? Nothing, I'm-"
"-I wasn't talking to you," you sigh, resting your forehead against the crown of his head. "How long has he been treating you like this, you poor things?"
“Ha-ha.”
You release his face to study it. "But seriously, how long have you been dying your hair?”
“... For a couple of years. Started to turn gray from stress a while back, and I guess it never stopped.” He fidgets with the loose edge of the container.. “You really never noticed?”
You take the box and set it beside him. “You hid it well.”
You’re not judging him for dying his hair, it’s just… surprising. Marc’s never been one to fuss over his appearance, as far as you could tell. When you first saw his closet, you’d half expected it to be lined with the same outfit ten times, like in a cartoon. Most days, “dressing up” means adding a jacket or blazer.
“Since when do you care? About your hair, I mean.”
He shrugs. “I’m not gettin’ any younger, honey.”
“Neither am I.” You kiss the bridge of his nose. “You got a problem with that?”
“Of course not.”
“Good. Goes double for me, don’t you forget it.” Leaning in, Marc tries for another kiss, but you duck and grab the hair dye before turning away with a mischievous smirk.
“Gotta keep you honest,” you wink and dart out of the room before he can catch you.
_____________________
"Love?"
"Hm?"
"Might fall out if you keep playing with it like that.”
You’d been standing behind Steven for the past couple of minutes, meaning to check in on his preparations for his morning tour but had gotten distracted. Very distracted.
“Sorry,” you sigh, your fingers leaving the wisps of hair at the nape of his neck and trailing down to his shoulder. “It’s just… hm.”
Your conversation with Marc must have taken root: over the past few weeks, you’ve noticed the hair that had been dangerously close to another round of boxed dye abuse steadily turning lighter. A subtle blend of silver strands mix with the darker curls that frame his face, making his hair shine a bit brighter in the light of the desk lamp.
“It’s like starlight,” you finally state, leaning in to rest your head against his.
Steven sputters and puts his book aside. “Starli- that’s a bit much, yeah?” His brow furrows, but there’s no denying the smile tugging at his lips.
“Not if it’s true,” you contend. You adjust the reading glasses that had slid down his face and tuck a stray curl behind his ear. “It’s a good look on you.”
There’s no denying the heat rising to his cheeks when you talk. “This– you don’t–” Steven caves and sets his book down, hopelessly flustered. “Either go away or get over here. Cheeky.”
He makes room for you to settle into his lap, which you giddily accept. Your hands sink back into his curls and he shivers as you scratch his scalp.
“Did I ever tell you I had a thing for my professor, once upon a time?”
“Oh my days–”
You’re not sure who kisses who, but you’re certainly not complaining. Neither is he.
_____________________
The time apart has been agony.
You check your phone for the fifth time this evening. They’ve been gone for what feels like months (it’s been weeks) handling some business in California, of all places. Marc said he’d call when they were on their way home, meaning no news is sad news.
You’re pulled from your pity party by a knock on the door. It’s late, and you’ve already signed for your dinner delivery. Slowly, you get up and grab the bat you keep by the entrance (with a sock slipped over the end per Jake’s advice).
The knocking continues, getting more urgent. You take a deep breath and look through the peephole. A large brown eye stares back and you yelp, dropping your bat. The unmistakable boom of Jake’s belly laughter mocks you from behind the door.
“You’re hilarious,” you groan, standing the bat back on its head and unlocking the door.
You’re ready to lay into him when you open the door, but you’re stunned into silence. Jake’s smile is highlighted by silvery stubble, dusted with black. He adjusts his cap as his dark eyebrows raise in mock surprise.
“What, no hello?”
You tear your eyes away from his jaw. “Hm? Oh. Hi.” You open the door wider for him to step in. “Marc said you’d call first.”
“No fun in that, is there? Besides, you looked ready to handle some trouble.” he shrugs off his coat as you lock the door behind him.
“Trouble, yes. Nuisance, debatable.” You sidle up to him and drape your arms around his waist. You place a kiss on his cheek; it’d be impossible for him to not notice how you let yours drag along the rough line of his jaw.
“I missed you too,” he laughs again. “But man, is it warm in here…”
He tosses his cap and it takes everything in him to not lose it when your eyes widen at the sight of his hair, now more gray than black and curls longer than you’ve seen them before. You’re too enraptured to be embarrassed at your obvious loss for words.
“Your hair…” You reach up to touch it, but Jake grabs your wrist.
“Tsk, tsk, you threaten and barely say a word to me, then go straight for the goods without so much as a ‘please’? What happened to decorum, hm?”
“You fucking tease,” you huff. “...please?”
“Well, since you asked nicely–” Jake can barely finish his thought before your lips are on his, your hand tangled in his starlit hair as soon as he lets go.
“I take it we should cancel Marc’s haircut?” he murmurs as you catch your breath.
Your free hand grazes the scruff on his cheek and you grin. “I wouldn’t complain if you did.”
_____________________
A/N: marvel you cowards give us gray-haired moon knight
ty for reading <3
event tags:@moonknight-events @spacecowboyhotch @juneknight
addtl tags: @mrs-lockley @lunar-ghoulie @shadystarlightgentlemen @casa-boiardi @nerdieforpedro @queerponcho (lmk if you'd like to be added to/removed from this wee tag list)
#my works#mk spring bingo 2024#moonknightevents#moon knight#jake lockley#jake lockley x reader#jake lockley/reader#jake lockley x gn!reader#jake lockley/gn!reader#steven grant#steven grant x reader#steven grant/reader#steven grant x gn!reader#steven grant/gn!reader#marc spector#marc spector x reader#marc spector/reader#marc spector x gn!reader#marc spector/gn!reader#never getting this system out of mine
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QUIT | J. FÉLIX
PAIR: JOÃO FÉLIX X FEM!READER
REQUESTS ARE CLOSED | MASTERLIST
you loved joão the way he loved his past lover. from the first time dating joão, you couldn’t help but to feel lucky that you’re in a relationship with the rising star. however, it wasn’t the same case with joão. in simple terms, you were just his rebound.
during the course of your relationship, joão would think about his past relationship with his ex. everything reminded him of her where even doing the simplest tasks like going to the grocery store was a sign that he just misses her presence.
your friends noticed the body language between you and joão. while you were being too attached to him by resting your head on his shoulder, he wouldn’t lay an eye on you. rather, he would think about his ex, and a memory involving a moment like this.
you remembered the conversation you had the next day with your friend.
your friend, clara, argued, “y/n baby, that man didn’t even laid an eye on you.”
you were feeding into your delusions, believing that joão loves you, “maybe he’s just tired, okay?”
“tired? he was very much outgoing when i saw him with his friends while you were asleep on the couch,” clara sighed, “y/n, i don’t care about his status, but you can do better.”
“i can’t.”
you were well aware of the people’s opinion of you. when the internet found out that you and joão were dating, people began comparing you to his ex, where you were considered the “better” girlfriend. of course, you didn’t liked being compared to his ex, who had a history of cheating. joão had been cheated on a couple of times, therefore making you feel bad for him.
“what do you mean you can’t?”
you repeated, “i can’t let him go like that.”
clara looks at you, “y/n, isn’t it obvious? joão hasn’t moved on.”
that sentence was engraved in your head for the next month and forward.
there was a thing that people say: your first love is unforgettable.
-
as predicted, you and joão broke up the following month. around this time was when his ex came back to the city.
you had a hard time ignoring the interactions between joão and his ex. you were upset that he came back to her after what she did, but you were so defensive of joão, who will experience heartbreak once more.
everyday, you come on instagram to check up on joão to see what he’s up to. in recent events, he was seen hanging out with his now girlfriend at a nearby restaurant. that girlfriend being the same one that cheated on him months prior.
“he’s with her again?” your friend, isabel, looked at the picture of joão and the girl. you knew who she was talking about instantly.
“yeah…” your voice softened, sensing insecurity.
isabel puts her phone on the coffee table.
you sighed, “i just don’t get why he came back to her after everything she did. i just want to see him happy.”
“i know you want to see him thrive again, and it’s not your fault that he went back to his old ways. there’s going to be someone else that’ll truly love you.”
isabel was right, and you knew that. however, you were constantly reminded about the things you and joão did during the course of your relationship.
as days turned into months, you couldn’t help but to continue to view how joão was doing online. he seems perfectly fine, according to his posts on instagram. the more you scrolled down, the more you realized that you could’ve been there. spanish grand prix? that was your idea. miami, florida? that was originally a trip you planned with him.
you couldn’t help but to tear up. as you set your phone down, you thought about everything that is going on in your life. you keep agreeing with your friends telling you to move on, but the process was hard for you.
-
you flew to barcelona with clara and isabel, where you three were going to stay for a week.
the third day, you three attended the fc barcelona game. you were a fan since childhood, and you were overjoyed at the fact that you’re finally seeing your team live.
“i can’t wait to see pedri play,” isabel looked at the field where all the players are standing.
some big names showed up on the lineup. lewandowski, pedri, de jong, gavi, but one of them stood out to you. as you paid close attention to the player’s face, you felt disbelief. the number 14 jersey belonged to someone that you used to know. that face looked familiar, as it belonged to joão félix. joão, the one who dreamed about playing for fc barcelona. and it was the same joão who had left you for his cheating ex.
“oh…” you didn’t know what to say. rather than saying something about joão to your friends, you instead kept it to yourself.
however, joão is an important part of your love life. of course, your friends brought it up.
“félix is playing for barça now?” clara asked you and isabel.
you avoided clara’s question and remained focused on the field. meanwhile, isabel nods, “yeah.”
they both turn to face you. as you see their eyes staring at you, you chose to ignore them.
isabel pats your shoulder, “hey, i know joão is in the same place right now and if you want, we can leave the stadium and go explore other parts of the city, no?”
focusing on the game, you didn’t want to exit the game. it didn’t even hit half time yet. “no, i’m good where i’m at. i don’t want to waste any of our money because of him.”
-
after the game, everyone including the three of you, started exiting the stadium. as you were on your way out of the seats, a pair of eyes looked at you. you ignored what was going on in the background and ignored that joão was playing for your childhood team for now.
on the field, joão was ready to end the night. he was giving hand shakes to the opposing team, and entered the locker room before leaving the stadium for today.
in the locker room, joão couldn’t stop thinking about what could’ve possibly been you in that audience.
“you’ve been quiet today joão. what’s up?” ferran sat down next to him.
“i saw her. she was with her friends just now.”
“joão, you need to leave her, she’s no good for you. are you aware on how many times she has cheated on you?”
“it’s not about her. it’s another girl.” joão sighed.
“please don’t tell me. y/n?”
joão nodded silently, his thoughts racing. maybe ferran was right: he needed to move on from his past, the cycle of grief and longing. however, facing reality proved more difficult than he had anticipated. ferran placed a hand on joão's shoulder, conveying concern. "joão, you should let go. you can't keep clutching onto something that isn't meant to be. i’ve seen the body language between you two, and turns out, it’s not meant to be.”
-
listening to ferran's words, joão rather ignored him. instead, he decides to navigate the crowds of barcelona. glancing around, he noticed a familiar woman standing in the crowd, her presence both comfortable and alarming. it was you.
time appeared to stand still as their gazes locked, the air thick with unspoken words and lingering feelings. joão experienced contradictory emotions, including longing, remorse, and hope for the future. joão approached you with confidence and a fast heartbeat. "y/n," he said softly, his voice full of apprehension. you were surprised and concerned. "joão," you replied softly.
you and joão were struck by the shared history and feelings while standing in the city center. It was as if time had folded in on itself, forcing you guys to confront memories from their past. joão interpreted your eyes as a reflection of his own sadness and longing. he wanted to reach out and bridge the gap between you and him, but he wasn't sure if he had the right to beg for forgiveness.
you were also suffering with your own inner turmoil, torn between the sorrow of the past and the light of hope in your heart. you hoped joão had changed and was ready to go forward, but feared disappointment. joão broke the silence with a mumbled plea. "y/n, i understand i made mistakes, but i want to make things right. i want to show you that i've changed and that i'm no longer the same person i was before."
as joão's comments hung in the air, you felt a knot in your gut, hanging down like a heavy load from your shared history. you wanted to believe him, trusting his good intentions, but you knew some wounds were too deep to repair. your voice was trembling with emotion. "joão, i've seen you repeatedly go back to her, not once, but three times, and i won't accept it. i cannot be seen with someone who has not been healed from their past relationship."
your statements broke joão and revealed the brutal reality of their situation. he wanted to protest and beg you to give him another chance, but he knew it would only exacerbate his impending sorrow. joão bowed deeply, burdened by his wordless regret. he realized he had lost you not only now, but possibly forever.
“as much as i love you, all i can tell you is good luck finding someone.”
as you turned away, your footsteps echoing in the deserted streets, joão was left alone with his thoughts, grappling with the bitter taste of regret and haunting echoes of what may have happened.
#x reader#fluff#angst#football one shot#football angst#football#soccer imagine#soccer x reader#football x reader#joão felix#joão félix#joao felix#joao felix x reader#joao felix imagine#joao felix fluff#joao felix x you#joao felix smut#joao felix x y/n#fc barcelona#fc barca#chelsea fc
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ok, well now what.
My fellow Americans: hello from your local pissed-the-fuck-off former community organizer.
You're probably seeing a lot of calls to support each other right now, and that's all well and good in principle. Where we tend to stumble is largely practical: we're not sure where, how, or when. The same way it works to make a plan to vote, make a plan to help. A few key points:
Please do not get impatient if the organization's response to you is late or generic at first, or if what you're asked to do isn't what you offered. A lot of local organizations—where your impact will be the greatest—are very small and 100% volunteer-run. You're here to help. Don't be one more thing they have to manage.
Be honest with yourself and the organization about your capacity. If that's a couple hours on a weekend from time to time, that's great. If that's driving people places once a month, if it's a small, regular donation—whatever it is, it's one more person helping who wasn't before. The point of doing it all together is that none of us can do everything, and it isn't on any one of us to do it all. It's much easier to scale up your participation than it is to take on a big responsibility and back out.
Stick with it. Everybody's fired up right now, and many organizations won't be lacking for personnel or funds...for now. They'll need you when it gets boring, when people get tired and busy. Whether it's recurring donations or one shift a week, stick with it for as long as you can, which is why see point 2 above. The need will not stop. The help can't either.
My aim with this brief list of organizations/funds is not to be comprehensive, it's more a starting point of both actual orgs and the types of opportunities there are out there. I highly encourage you to look around in your local community. There are people out there working on creative solutions in innovative ways to problems you didn't even know existed.
I know it might sound small or facile, but I promise, going out there and talking to real people will help. Just go to one meeting, on Zoom, in person, anything. Start there. Everything you're able to do is more than there was before.
Fascists thrive on despair and isolation, on mistrust and fear. But there is good in this world, it's worth fighting for, and you're part of it. The time is now. Let's fuck them up. (List below the cut).
If you're on bluesky, here is a much more specific list of organizations. If you're not, reply to this post or send me an ask with your region and I'll respond if I can. Everyone else, please feel free to add your local organizations in the reblogs. Make sure you do your vetting first; please link to a direct source/person/means of contact if you add something to the list.
Trainings and support for leaders to run for public school boards
And library boards
Black and brown youth organizing
Labor organizing in the South/Southwest
Mutual Aid in NYC/Donate to keep that mutual aid active
Mutual aid/volunteer orgs in DC
Supporting and training young progressives to run for office
Collective action against medical debt
Climate action
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Saw a post just now that was like, how do you work full time and still have time for hobbies? And I think that's a great question to ask, as people navigating a world where increasingly our labor is entirely for the benefit of some faceless (or worse, incredibly public) billionaire and no one else.
I'm a person who takes my labor seriously, and I have had the pleasure and privilege of only working for non-profit or not-for-profit organizations throughout my adult career. I worked part-time for a regular corporation once for six months before I quit out of disgust, and I've worked for a couple of family-owned small businesses during college, but the overwhelming majority of my 12+ year career so far has been in a profit void, which does help.
Even still, I have colleagues at my big shiny non-profit who say, "Anne you have so many hobbies! How on earth do you have time for them?" And the key is,
If I don't make time for my personal passions, I'll die.
I'm not being dramatic. It isn't a joke. An intrinsic and necessary part of me -- the part that labors for love, that labors for the desire of it, for the enjoyment -- will die if I do not create time and space to do that labor. And without that love, that passionate hobby investment, the part of me that is left will not then decide, hey I should labor more for money! It will not decide, hey I should invest in my relationships! It will not decide, hey I should invest in myself as a human being! In my environment! In my community! In the world!
It will decide, if there is no time for joy in the world, I will not be in the world. I will doomscroll endlessly on my phone. I will watch re-runs of a beloved sitcom for 3 hours, exhausted on my sofa, and go to bed. I will show up to work still groggy from the day before, and I will be angry in meetings, and I will be exhausted from customer interactions, and I will either want to cry or I will have zero feelings at all as I enter yet another figure into another cell of the universal spreadsheet. I will not be my best self anywhere, for any reason, because my best self is dead.
People say things like, "I don't dream of labor," and I respect that. But a lot of labor is very good. It's work, to knit a sweater. It's work, to write a book. It's work, to raise a garden, or a goat, or a child. It's work to bake bread, and to sew pants, and to rebuild small engines. It's work to create, and that is--in my humble opinion--what we're here for. To spend all day idly eating grapes would drive a lot of us to the brink. The problem isn't labor--it's capital.
To make time for your hobbies means working intentionally to identify those passion projects as a necessary part of your reason for being on the earth. My job on this earth is not to assign training. My job on this earth is to create beauty, and write stories, and make clothes, and connect from my heart. When that truth is accepted, and you put in the effort to rebirth the part of you that died to capitalism, then it becomes very obvious that the relevant question isn't "how do I make time for hobbies."
The question is, "How do I ensure that my job does not take up all the mental and physical energy I have so that I can re-invest that energy into myself?"
A good place to start is to plan your days / weeks / months with an understanding of your mental/physical boundaries and just do that. There are ways to do this most effectively (collective bargaining, creating a schedule that honors the need for focus vs collaboration, bringing your hobbies to work and being open about how they make your work better) but the most important thing, in my opinion, is for you to understand that your full time job isn't you. It's not what makes you special or important in this world, and it's not what people will remember about you when you're gone, and it's not going to feed you if you stop showing up. So give it as little as you can comfortably get by with, preserve that precious energy, and put it into something that sets your soul alight.
When you invest in the labor that loves you back, that provides for you, that keeps you alive... you'll stop accepting a world in which you cannot dream of labor for fear of losing yourself.
And maybe, at the end, you'll have a sweater. :)
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of course it’s real - jude bellingham x reader.
quick sum: what happens when he suddenly shows up on your doorstep? could be a leap of reconciliation or something completely different?
wc: 3.5k | masterlist | jude’s masterlist
➡️ part one: is this real?
psa 🗣️: this is part two to the long-awaited is this real fic! this a +18 post, so minors dni as it contains fingering, and unprotected sex 🔞. just a small bit of smut since someone requested in the fic! hope you enjoy 🤍 once again, contains mature content for 18+!
“Hi… Uh- sure come in,” you stammered, your heart beating out your chest quickly. It came as a shock to you that he was standing there, after weeks and months of not seeing him. Why was he here? Did he come to ask for something back? Jude felt the same way, pulse rate quicker than before he knocked on your brown door, before seeing you dressed up fancy. He was followed by Duke, who quickly came into Jude’s embrace, kissing Jude’s cheek, and wagging his tail.
“You know you can’t be here right?” you ask, crossing your arms against your chest. “Who says that?” Jude retorts, standing back up and fiddling with his pants. “Well, you just finished with your club, now going into the International break. Shouldn’t you be at camp instead of here?” you question, walking to retrieve your bag and shoes.
“Going somewhere?” Jude said, a protective maybe jealous tone undermining the tone from before. He was curious, maybe small taken at back because of how stunning you looked. It reminded him when the two of you were together and went out on date nights. Holding hands, sharing kisses, hugs, and nights of passionate sex. The memory of him gifting you a necklace with his initial to you popping into his head.
All he could come up with now is either you going on a date or attending an important event. “Yeah, I was invited to an art show so I'm headed there with friends for the evening,” you offer a small smile, to which Jude cheered on the inside. So you couldn't be dating again, or have moved on right? “My friend Giovan is waiting Jude… I don’t want it to seem like I'm kicking you out but I have somewhere to be.”
Giovan? Who the fuck was that? Jude thought. “I wanted to talk to you about us.”
“What do you mean? We ended a while ago…” you reply, not failing to notice Jude wincing at your words. A small frown on his face, brows drawn in and him biting the inside of his cheek. “Please… I just want you to hear me out. We can go on from there… I really miss you ba- Y/n…”
You felt your heart tighten and beat faster. A pang of hurt and betrayal took over you, and all you wanted was to now stay in as old memories resurfaced of your healing stage. Refusing to go out, the routine you built, constantly blaming yourself for not being enough, you weren't trusting Jude’s words anymore.
“Uh-” you shook your head and laughed trying to hold back tears. If you would have heard this the day you broke up or even a couple of days after, you would have gladly accepted him back. Maybe you could've been in Spain with him, going on walks with Duke, taking care of his injuries, being the girlfriend he wanted. But this was reality, and as much as it hurt, you wanted to protect yourself from another heartbreak.
“I don’t know Jude. I don’t know what you want me to say,” you said nervously, shifting your weight from one foot to another. Tell me that you miss me too, tell me that you still love me the way I love you, tell me there's still a chance for us, tell me you’re still mine, was what Jude wanted to say, but once again he was left without words.
“I have to go-”
“What if I come with you? I promise I won't pull anything. But please, we can talk there, hang out, like old times,” he proposed the idea. “What, like pretending to be the couple we were? What if I don’t want to hear what you have to say? What if you are lying again?” you say finally, having built up the courage and patience to spit out how you felt. While it felt relieving, you didn’t want to hurt the man you still love.
“I think you're trying to avoid confrontation Y/n. I know you. Plus, you still wouldn’t be wearing my necklace if it didn't mean anything,” he walked over, his index finger connecting with the charm, watching how he had an effect on you. Your breathing rapidly increased, watching how your chest pumped in and out trying to control it. Fuck, was all you thought, he caught you.
You look up and see how his brown iris gaze into you, a dingle of hope plastered on them. His lashes reached his top eyelid, and then touched his cheek as he blinked. Unbeknownst to the two of you, but your bodies were closely together now, one move from the two of you, and you would be pressed up. You cleared your throat and backed away, playing with the charm as you spoke, “This is such a bad idea…”
“But why does it feel so right? So real,” Jude said, shrugging his shoulders. This could end badly, maybe you running out of the showcase in tears or cause a scene and embarrass yourself in front of your coworkers. But maybe it could be the opposite, who knows, only faith undermining the situation. “Please. I wouldn't be here if it didn't mean anything,” he begged again, to which you sighed and finally accepted.
“I have a suit in my luggage, give me a couple of minutes to change and fix my hair and we can head out okay?” Jude said, but you were afraid to speak, only muttering a quick ‘okay’. Jude was like a drug, an addictive one, and as much as you wanted to let go, it was becoming difficult. It didn't seem real. It couldn't be real, right? But when you saw him come out now dressed, you knew there was no way to deny your true feelings.
The Uber driver played slow and relaxed music, you leaned against the car window, your hand propped up to hold your head as you watched out. Jude being freakishly tall struggled with his legs, finally just spreading them apart and watching as you looked out. He wanted to reach over and pull you into him, kiss your head down to your neck, whisper words of encouragement, and hold you like he once did. But he couldn’t not knowing if you were willing to let him do so.
When the two of you walk into the exhibit, a photographer takes a couple of photos, asking you to pose and embrace each other. As awkward as it may have been, Jude didn't let the opportunity of his hand coming around your waist and pulling you into a protective matter go to waste. His touch ignited a fire in you, a familiar sense of butterflies invading your tummy as his thumb drew circles over the material.
You couldn't help but wrap your hand around his bicep, feeling the prominent muscles he built over the months as you walked inside the venue. He was huge compared to a while back. You smiled and guided him to your friends, to which you embraced and talked to. Giovan hugged you tight, too close for Jude’s liking, which made him clench his fist and jaw at the sight. But oh boy was he wrong.
“And who is this handsome lad? Don’t tell me this is your man or I'll be upset Y/n,” Giovan said in a flirtatious tone, fluttering his eyelashes and extending his hand, to which Jude shook. A tint of blush and redness spread across his cheeks, making you smirk and giggle. “Not my man, just an old friend who has come down to visit me,” you intervene, standing aside to where Jude silently begged with his eyes.
“Alright now Gio, settle down, don't scare him off now,” you joke, to which your friend just rolls his eyes and smiles. “Of course not! I'll see the two of you around, maybe you can buy me a drink,” he hinted to Jude who just nodded shyly. You look away laughing to which Jude embarrassed chuckles, “It's not funny.”
But the playful mood turned awkward again as you roamed the exhibit of paintings, photography and sculptures. You came across a painting of white swans who looked over at the sunset, cuddled into their embraces, far away and disclosed to where the exhibit was held. It was minimal lighting and no other people.
It reminded you of when Jude broke things off, leaving for Spain, and then again when he caught you moving out. You close your eyes and shake away the memory, but Jude sees. “Are you okay?”
“Why are you here Jude?” you ask again, you’re tired of the constant confused signals and feelings for him. For once you want him to be straight on how he feels about you, instead of continuing this cycle of unsureness.
“I’m here for you… to fix us…” Jude says you let out a laugh of disbelief. You find the strength to look him in the eyes as he talks. “There is no us anymore Jude, you broke that off.”
“That’s why I'm here. I want to fix us and earn you back. If it's not you then it's no one. I'm really hoping you can forgive me, for what I did and the pain I cost you. I never meant for all this to happen, I thought I knew what I wanted but I was so so wrong Y/n. You shaped me into who I am today, and I'll forever be thankful for that. You made me into the person I am and without you, I'm so lost,” Jude pleads, his eyes glossy as he reaches for your hands.
“I was stupid to let you go, to lose all the trust you built for me. I’ll admit it, I was only thinking of myself instead of you when I broke it off, but I was scared of losing you. It's true I didn't know what I wanted but I do now. You being so distant from me right now is breaking my heart because I feel like I lost you. Did I lose you, baby?” he continued, your eyes brimming with tears at his soft tone when asking his question.
What if it was too late? What if you couldn't love him or be enough like you expected? What if there was no point in trying again if it meant the same outcome? Were you seriously going to risk everything for a guy who proved in the past they didn't think of anyone but themselves?
Your silence was killing Jude. Maybe he did hurt you, and he could never recover from that if that was the case. This whole time being apart, from the day at the park to you moving your stuff out, to now, the distance was becoming a long and heavy weight on his shoulders. To not know how you felt, to not hear your voice, to hold you close afraid of letting go always popped into his head. Spending his nights unable to sleep, or even go out.
“You really hurt me… I never expected you to suddenly give up on us, especially when we were doing so good? We were happy, at least I was. I was not only watching you succeed, but I was watching my favourite person in the world, stay with me at my side, promising me that nothing would come between us. If you had those feelings why didn’t you ever say anything? Why couldn't you just talk to me, like I always said?” you finally break your silence, a tear dropping from your cheek.
“It's hurting me that you're here. It hurt me when the only person in the world I ever trusted suddenly wanted to let go. It hurt me back when I moved out, knowing it was probably the last time I would see you. It hurts to be reminded of you, and remember the good times we had because I knew they would never come back. But most of all, it hurts me to see you sad and upset,” you sob, turning away from his teary eyes not being able to take the pain.
You felt his arms hug you, his embrace warm and comforting, and as you found yourself leaning into it, you could hear his rapid heartbeat like yours. Feel the pain slowly disappear from your veins and finally gain control. The nights of constant terrors and crying, on a stream swimming away when he breathed into you. You felt at home. The butterflies and intimate contact now swarming your chest and tummy once again.
“If I knew how to take your pain away, I would do it. To see you hurting because of me, is hard. But I want you to know I’ve matured, that I'm willing to do anything it takes to have you back and call you mine. It's not because it feels like it's something I have to do, or live up to, it's because I truly am nothing without you,” he held your cheek in his larger palm, his other arm securely on your waist wrapped around.
“I'm not myself, my friends and family have noticed. If your presence isn't next to mine, it's like I'm running on my head overthinking, I'm just lost.”
“Jude-”
“I love you. I've never stopped, and I don't think I ever will…” and there he said, the three words he once confessed to you before, repeated again. The three words that mean so much more than his confession, the words you've been longing to hear but are so afraid of because it will forever mean more than a simple “I want you back’ or “I miss you.” You gasped, taking a gulp of nothing because this was real.
“Is this real?” you asked, pointing at the two of you, watching as Jude’s face softened even more. A small frown on his lips and brows relaxed, the wrinkle on his eyes as he blinked hard appearing. “Yes.”
“I'm saying is everything you're telling me now real? No bullshit. No more lies. No unsureness. Is this real, Jude?” A feeling of hope filled his chest, replacing the torture he felt before. “This is more than real. You’re the realest thing that I've ever experienced, and I want it to be like that, forever.”
“Forever?” you ask again, your brow raising as confirmation to which he let out a small laugh, “Yes. Forever. If we do this again, you're not leaving my side, and I'm not leaving yours. Forever.”
“Then what the hell are we waiting for? Kiss me Jude.”
He gave you one more look to confirm things but you quickly got on your tippy toes and smashed your lips against his. Jude pushed you up against the wall, hands roaming down to your hips where he gripped them tightly. His tongue brushed against your bottom lip tasting the familiar cherry taste he loved so deeply. Your hands moved all around his chest, finally gripping the back of his neck, drawing a small moan when he bit your lip.
He kissed you again, lips never separating from you as he picked you up and once again caged on the wall. Your legs come around his torso, your core throbbing and rubbing against his upper abs. “Jude we can’t… not here. They will hear us…” you whimper when he kisses the inner corners of your mouth, and then down to your jaw. “Then you’ll have to be quiet. You can do that, be a good girl for me and be quiet.”
Your chin slightly trembled as he continued to kiss all the way down to your collarbone, inhaling your scent. Marking you as his, and leaving a purple mark on the hot skin. All you could do was move your hips around and try to feel the friction to get rid of the sensitivity you felt, but it was hard when Jude kept pulling back. “Is that what you want? For me to touch you?” he groaned, voice huskier and deep as he pulled you into a messy kiss.
There was no way you could go back and let people see you like this. But you couldn't care, all you could care about was the way Jude set you down and dragged his fingertips from your calves to your inner thighs.His nails tickling and drawing shaped as he kissed and marked your boob once more.
His trail felt hot, he was teasing you, your legs squirmed around to find his touch. And when you finally grew enough of his games, you grabbed his wrist, and placed it exactly where you wanted him. “Here Jude. I want you to touch me here, please,” you whispered in his ear, biting the skin and pressing a small kiss. Jude ran his hand on top of your clothed core, noticing the wet material behind it.
“Once I make you cum, you're all mine. Do you understand?”
“I’ve always been yours,” and with that he dragged his fingers against your wet folds, rubbing a circle on your clit, making you let out a gasp. “That’s right baby. You've always been mine pretty girl,” he smiled against your lips, kissing your top lip. His fingers teased your entrance, groaning at how wet you were, causing you to clench your legs around his hand and look away. “Open your legs baby… Let me touch you just how you like.”
He kissed your cheek, and used his free hand to bring your face back to his gently. “Focus on me baby,” he pecked your jaw, “Focus on my touch,” Jude placed another kiss on your cheek, “Focus on my fingers,” he kissed your shoulder as his fingers finally drew inside of you, “Focus on my lips,” without hesitation you kissed him to hide the loud moan that would've left your mouth.
His fingers were completely coated with your arousal, easily sinking them deeper as he drew them in and out. Your body shuddered, back arching against the wall as his fingers drew and now your clit were all being touched. You felt starved, completely vulnerable at his sake.
“It feels s-s-so good, Jude,” you whined, your head thrown back as you kept a tight grip on his white blouse. “I know, but I can feel it, you’re almost there for me. So tight, always tight,” he moaned, his cock becoming harder than before. He heard your pants, small whines as you kept grinding on his hand, the cold tingle he felt down his spine as you shivered against him.
Jude picked up the pace, sighing with pleasure when you felt his bulge, and almost shamingly came. “S-s-shit baby.”
He nibbled on your neck to quiet down the noises the two of you were making, leaving wet kisses all over your tainted skin, feeling your lips quivering in pleasure as he finally made you reach your high. You cried out, and sucked in a sharp breath when he hit that certain spot, the one he always found, either with his fingers or cock.
“All mine.”
Jude quickly untucked his belt, and took his hard cock out the tightness off his boxers, grunting at the cold air in the room. “Can you still be quiet for me? One more, just one more for me…” he kissed you and quickly picked you up again, holding you strongly so you wouldn't fall, but he couldn't help himself but pin you hands above your head.
“If it becomes too much tell me,” Jude said, dragging the tip along your wet fold before finally sinking into you. Your back was completely pinned against the wall, sliding up and down as he began to thrust into you slowly but rough. He moved mindlessly, drawing out sounds from the two of you as he thrusted into you deeper. Your name fell out his lips, causing you to squeeze your legs around him, also your wet folds around his cock at the same time.
You felt like heaven, and Jude was sure he would be cumming quickly. The two of you were close, so close that in a few more thrust the two of you would be moaning in relief. He let go of your pinned wrists, his two hands now on your hips as he slowly drew in and out, harder and deeper. “God, you feel so good. Doing so good for me… God I love you,” he kissed you, your hand resting on the back of his head returning the kiss.
He continued to breathlessly move inside you, his forehead on your shoulder to reduce the sounds of his moans and groans. The art frames on the wall banging due the pace of his thrust, but he couldn't care. But when you continued to clench around him, Jude continuing the pace he was doing, your bodies trembled in pleasure, having Jude prep his hand in the wall so the two of you wouldnt fall. You could feel it, the way you pulsed around his cock, the ropes of cum he continued to spurt into you.
“I love you,” he kissed his initial and then lips, now that were slightly swollen after making out for a while. You brushed the hairs on his temple that were messy back into place, smiling like an idiot as he remained still inside you.
“I love you too Jude.”
➡️tags: @xjval 🤍
#jude bellingham#jude bellingham x reader#jude bellingham imagine#jude bellingham smut#jude bellingham imagines#jude bellingham one shot#jude bellingham blurb#jude bellingham fic#judebellingham#jude bellingham angst#football smut#football one shot#football fanfic#footballer#football x reader#football x y/n
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Calling all fanfiction Readers it's time to have your say.
Hi Fanfiction Readers
My name is Tamsin and I am a PhD student, fellow lurker and fanfiction reader. I am conducting a study into the role that fanfiction plays in the lives of those fans who read fanfiction as part of their everyday lives. Does your search history include the tags related to found family, irondad or batbad for example, then I am interested in talking to you. If you would like to take part in discussions around these tags with a fellow reader and lurkers of these tags within A03 please message me.
Taking part in this research is a chance for you to share your own experience of fanfiction and what it means to you, while also highlighting that lurkers do still have a voice and an important part to play within fandom research.
Below the cut is more information about this study and what it involves. Please read this if you would like more information before getting in touch. If you are unable to take part please can you reblog this post or share it to anyone you feel might wish to take part.
Why have I been chosen?
I have deliberately chosen lurkers within fanfiction communities as the messages they take from and their reasons for reading fanfiction are under researched. Although you may not be a lurker in all fandoms you are involved in, the fact that you are a lurker within any fanfiction spaces make you the ideal candidate from this exploration into lurkers and their relationships with fanfiction, fanfictions online spaces and fandom communities.
I would also like to emphasise that I require all participants to be over the age of 18 to take part in this study. If you are under 18 please let me know now.
What does taking part mean?
By agreeing to take part in this study you are agreeing to record a diary of your fanfiction use and reasons for this usage within a discord chat. There is no limit for entries and I ask that the minimum response is once every two weeks. However, this project is aiming to work around your life and commitments and if you do miss a couple of weeks do not panic. Just start sending entries or replying to prompts again when you are able to. If I have not heard from you in a month I will send a message which will read:
Hi. I hope you are doing well. I am just sending a message to check in and to double check if you wish to continue taking part in the study. If you are happy to still take part please send any form of response to this message.
It is important to note that this response can be as limited as simply sending an emoji. If I do not receive a response after two weeks I will stop attempting to contact you. However this is not seen as a full withdrawal from the study and you are able to return at any time. I will also still use the discussions we have already had as part of my thesis. If you would like to withdraw fully from the study please let me or my supervisors know, with the process of how to do this explained below.
These entries can take the form of voice notes, written responses and memes or tiktoks. Every two weeks I shall send a prompt to the chat that hosts the diary entries, these are intended to get you thinking about certain topics and do not have to be answered directly or even at all if the questions make you uncomfortable or touch on something you are unwilling to share. At the end of every month I will arrange a touch base interview (over google meet) which will last about an hour. This will be a chance to discuss anything that you find easier to discuss face to face, to review some of your diary entries and for me to answer any question you may have. While I will aim to have these interviews a month apart I do understand that life may get in the way. I am more than happy to be flexible and move interviews around or push them back/bring them forward depending on your schedules.
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