#butter not buttering

[xshrimpcake]

the brain not braining

[bob-artist]

I had an upsetting dream last night.

[opiumvampire]

fuck w me

[sylvansleuth]

I have a question. I'm gonna be stupid cause I don't have a palate, technically.

[one-time-i-dreamt]

The bust of a middle aged man made out of butter was sitting on my bathroom counter. It turned and began to scream at me, but the scream was utterly silent. Everything was so silent. I was so frightened of the butter bust.

[kensatou]

gritty both capturing the zeitgeist as usual AND educating me on the availability of free flow butter at american cinemas

[spicymancer]

Attention Deficit Hyperactive Dog Girl

[kermitspussy]

like where did it come from i was literally doing a silly little art and craft

[tearyeyedanimal]

pearbright horse hcs. this makes the apple siblings appaloosa draft crosses :-) i have yet to draw them as horses!

[noahverrier]

My oil painting of home made Uncrustables

[paper-mario-wiki]

my butter dog rap ended up getting pretty hot on twitter and a bunch of people requested that I finish it, so here's the whole thing.

[hellhoundclown]

richard and mrs tweak hung it up

[hilacopter]

tbh ryoko kui cooked with this one why is this the funniest image I have ever seen

[inkskinned]

probably time for this story i guess but when i was a kid there was a summer that my brother was really into making smoothies and milkshakes. part of this was that we didn't have AC and couldn't afford to run fans all day so it was kind of important to get good at making Cool Down Concoctions.

we also had a patch of mint, and he had two impressionable little sisters who had the attitude of "fuck it, might as well."

at one point, for fun, this 16 year old boy with a dream in his eye and scientific fervor in heart just wanted to see how far one could push the idea of "vanilla mint smoothie". how much vanilla extract and how much mint can go into a blender before it truly is inedible.

the answer is 3 cups of vanilla extract, 1/2 cup milk alternative, and about 50 sprigs (not leaves, whole spring) of mint. add ice and the courage of a child. idk, it was summer and we were bored.

the word i would use to describe the feeling of drinking it would maybe be "violent" or perhaps, like. "triangular." my nose felt pristine. inhaling following the first sip was like trying to sculpt a new face. i was ensconced in a mesh of horror. it was something beyond taste. for years after, i assumed those commercials that said "this is how it feels to chew five gum" were referencing the exact experience of this singular viscous smoothie.

what's worse is that we knew our mother would hate that we wasted so much vanilla extract. so we had to make it worth it. we had to actually finish the drink. it wasn't "wasting" it if we actually drank it, right? we huddled around outside in the blistering sun, gagging and passing around a single green potion, shivering with disgust. each sip was transcendent, but in a sort of non-euclidean way. i think this is where i lost my binary gender. it eroded certain parts of me in an acidic gut ecology collapse.

here's the thing about love and trust: the next day my brother made a different shake, and i drank it without complaint. it's been like 15 years. he's now a genuinely skilled cook. sometimes one of the three of us will fuck up in the kitchen or find something horrible or make a terrible smoothie mistake and then we pass it to each other, single potion bottle, and we say try it it's delicious. it always smells disgusting. and then, cerimonious, we drink it together. because that's what family does.

[savorytoothgirl]

Fried Mozzarella Sandwiches on Herby Garlic Bread