#but... damn if shit isn't constantly getting worse; and damn if half of you don't seem to be supporting the shit making it worse

[medicinemane]

I just don't enjoy living very much on pretty much any front and would like to stop

Even the places where things could theoretically improve are not enough to outweigh the places where to my very core I'd don't believe they'll ever change, so it's not worth sticking around for, I'm just a coward

[jayladfanpage]

OPENED the first page of Robin lives #3 and just EXPERIENCED EMOTIONAL DAMAGE

fuCK. LIKE. GENUINELY. FUCK. going to consume raw bismuth rn im sobbubg I had hopes after they showed Shelia and just F U C KKKKKKKKKKK

I think writers forget so much of what made adtif adtif and what made Robin Jason Robin Jason. that boy was willing to give up Robin at that point for just a loving family? The issues that led to adtif? WHAT ABOUT HIS whole struggle and issues with being robin itself? what are we even doing here. Nothing is addressed. Instead we get fucking revenge story after revenge story I'm going to implode die. now I feel stupid about waiting for it. I'm half incomprehensible about most of the things I HATED. DICK. What is he saying. God.

I miss u robin Jason, he was so much... a singular character... barr's run... starlin too to a degree... UGH. HIS CHARACTER THESIS IS LOVE ??? ON GOD I will consume 2 tons of pipebombs today fucking hell on god he barely gets dialog, he barely gets shit, I liked 1 panel and that s it im

Anyhow :D yippie ! Happy to see that you're here for fanon writers and all ! Super cool of you ! And your posts are vvv cool, much love ! Would love to hear your thoughts on Robin lives#3 :) <3

Anon you are so incredibly fucking real for this

Issue #3 is... such a fucking disappointment. Exactly like you said, already the first page makes my blood fucking BOIL.

There's a fundamental misunderstanding, in this issue, of where Red Hood!Jason's ideas of revenge come from. His obsession with Joker's death specifically isn't actually out of a need to have Joker dead, it's a need to prove to himself that Bruce loves him more than he loves his mission. Which is not true for Jason or any of Bruce's other children. Gotham will always come first.

So to have Jason go after Joker with the intent to kill him (and succeed at it!) is spitting in the face of all the complicated, messy familial ties that are at the core of UTRH, for the sake of some sense that Jason was always doomed to be the way he is as an adult.

Jason also doesn't feel good after killing people. He doesn't derive any pleasure from it. He's not disgusted by or ashamed of the things he's done, far from it, but to him the murders are just a means to an end. A task to complete if he wants to save Gotham in the way that Bruce isn't able to. Murdering people sure as fuck isn't the "best thing" to ever happen to him. What the fuck.

I also really hate this page. As much as I don't expect any teenager to fully "deal" with their trauma, because they're a teenager, Jason certainly wouldn't run from it. Jason is perhaps the most openly emotional Bat character, and that's always been one of his most important personality traits. He talks about his pain and his trauma, constantly and endlessly, because Jason benefits from communicating his emotions, even if he does it aggressively or explosively.

Plus, "paralyzed with fear" ?? Jason's fear response is FIGHT not freeze. It's never been freeze. Every time Jason is scared, as Robin or otherwise, he responds by picking a fight. He flings himself head-on to the thing that's making him afraid because god fucking damn it Jason has always been good at saving himself -- which is why he's so desperate to have Bruce kill Joker, so that somebody else will protect him for a change.

This plot I'm conflicted on. I've always hated Timmy Todd and always thought that Jason should have been Joker Junior instead. However, this was not the comic to do it in. Robin Lives should have been a comic about trauma and vulnerability and healing. Main Continuity already gives us the neverending loop of Jason's trauma, of how it keeps constantly getting worse and worse, and I wanted Robin Lives to have been different. I wanted it to grab me by the shoulders and say He could have been fine. Jason could have healed. If only things had been different, Jason Todd could have been good.

But it didn't. It's just another fucking Cheer storyline where we read about a child being "doomed from the beginning" and shifting the blame of Red Hood onto Jason for being a lost cause instead of acknowledging the greater context of Jason's death and revival and it's just. Ugh. It fucking sucks.

Also, Bruce would never say this about saving like a dozen children. "Bigger fish to fry" WHILE HE IS RESCUING BRAINWASHED CHILDREN? where is my Bruce Wayne and what did you do to him

About the fanon writers -- thank you! I always find the hate for them a little misplaced. There are dozens of canons across hundreds of comics and fanfiction as a medium is supposed to have a certain degree of separation from its source. I think a lot less people would be upset over "fanon" batfam fics if the writers understood better core traits of the characters. Fanfiction isn't about "Would [x] do this" it's about "How would [x] do this" and a lot of non-writers don't understand that and just think fanon is always horrible.

[kob131]

Lily Orchard and Pokemon: Gen 2

Gen 1

"How did GF manage to fit all of this into a Gameboy? Simple, they had Satoru Iwata do it!"

False.

Satoru Iwata's contributions were him writing a formula to help cut fractions of a second off the numerous load times in the game, like with trainer battles, wild Pokemon and probably stuff like loading in cities. The real reason why Kanto made it was because, quite simply- they had double the space.

Kind of goes to show how much of a basic Pokemon fan Lily is, considering people slightly more informed like me found this out. A limited view that goes onto explaining some of her questionable points, like the Psychic type not being that busted.

But hey, at least it's not offensive terri-

"The games start becoming more directed and firm in their pacing!"

... Really? Now of all times you bring up that idea?

That doesn't even work here. Gold and Silver's tutorial opening may take a few minutes more due to having to go farther and slightly more text but that's likely because GSC has an actual plot and characters to set up. You know, stuff that someone who cares more about the main gameplay rather than features would probably like as it engages the brain more?

I get that Lily doesn't like Pokemon's stories but this stuff isn't very much and it helps make the game more memorable and engaging.

... You know, I honestly thought the follow up would have been worse.

"Silver is an uninteresting rival! He's just edgy and a punk bitch who slags everyone off while getting beat up! He's just an ignorant loser, like Hop!"

Like that. So much worse like that.

A- Silver isn't just an edgy and arrogant kid. He starts this way but becomes better over time, developing from being beaten by Lance and the player so much. Compare his line in his second fight in Azalea Town-

"I hate the weak. Pokémon, Trainers. It doesn't matter who or what. I hate to see them hanging around. That goes for Team Rocket, too. They think they are big and tough as long as they are in a group. But get them alone, and they're weak. I hate them all. You stay out of my way. You won't be an exception if you get in my way."

To his final line.

"…Oh, no… I still can't win after all that training… I…I have to believe more in my Pokémon… …No big deal. Sorry to have got in the way. Don't forget to rest your Pokémon before you challenge the Champion!"

In fact, Silver is the FIRST rival to actually react properly to being constantly beaten by the player, much like Hop.

B- Does Lily's complaints sound...familiar to anyone? As if these complaints do in fact fit a Pokemon Rival...but not Silver?

It should- This applies to BLUE, not Silver. Since, by necessity, Blue WILL lose more to the player than win. And yet he will always brush off his losses and act superior even as the game.

In fact, take his loss line in Oak's Lab-

"WHAT? Unbelievable! I picked the wrong Pokémon!"

To his loss line at the Pokemon League as Champion.

"NO! That can't be! You beat my best! After all that work to become League champ? My reign is over already? It's not fair!"

Lily's point about Blue before and why she liked him kind of contradicts her slagging off Silver...for the same shit Blue pulls but without the context that he's SUPPOSED to be wrong.

"Falkner's gym was kind of a pushover. yeah I nearly fainted but I didn't lose-"

You almost lost. ...To Falknier Lily.

Falkner...regarded as being one of the top 10 easiest Gym Leaders in Pokemon. ... How did you look at that and not go 'Damn, maybe I should change my strats.'

Like, this WILL undercut any points about Pokemon's gameplay and difficulty because it's coming from someone who nearly lost to FALKNER. A guy I beat at age 7.

"Team Rocket's so pathetic in Gen 2. In Gen 1, they were a legit criminal orgnazation and fun but now they're just pathetic."

And here's the problem that's likely gonna rear its ugly head in any Gen with half a story: Lily's not paying attention. Team Rocket is MEANT to be pathetic and lost without Giovanni. Because they are clinging to the past and refusing to move on with their lives even as the world does so. This gets hammered home pretty hard given the changes to the world introduced in Gen 2, like Lance becoming the Champion or through characters like Silver letting his daddy issues define him.

That's the point Lily. Complaining that they're boring because they've changed from before in order to fit a new story isn't analysis, it's just you mouthing off.

"Hey, isn't it funny that I tried using Mud-Slap twice in a row even though it didn't fucking work the first time and almost got wiped by Bugsy? I'm such a bimbo!"

Funny yes but more in a 'public humiliation' way. Joking about almost being beaten by a children's game does not make it better: you're still claiming to analyze these games.

"SILVER WORST RIVAL EVAR! BLUE GOOD BECAUSE FRIENDLY AND DYNAMIC! SILVER BAD BECAUSE ANNOTING! HE NO CHANGE UNLESS YOU LOOK! YOU LIKE EMOS!"

That or Silver is well liked because he was the first rival to have an actual arc in the games. It isn't optional either, Silver starts to realize he was wrong in his Victory Road fight, which is mandatory. And it's a logical progress from losing to the player and Lance, reinforced by the sage from Sprout Tower. As much as you bitch about the games' stories being invasive, Silver is an example of the game showcasing a natural progression in character without using a thousand words.

Meanwhile, Blue is the one slagging you off after every fight even as you have to beat him and then proceeding to throw a fit when he loses.

You don't pay attention Lily.

"Silber and Hop are fundamentally the same character!"

So...your point is that Silver is fundamentally the same...as one of the best rivals in the series?

Not the own you think it is.

I mean, she's correct since what Hop does in SWSH is just a more detailed, expressive and in depth version of what Silver does just more on the softer end. But Lily's too blinded to see it.

"Imma go ahead and ignore all the daily events in Goldenrod because WoW!"

Again, Lily telling on herself on how badly she's handling this video. The past 30 minutes could have been compressed down to 8 and nothing of value would be lost. Hell, cutting out Lily's reasonings and leaving people to insert their own explanations would actually make the video better.

Not a good sign.

"Johto's level curve isn't a problem! You can just go rematch trainers, it's intended! These games weren't meant for internet reviewers focused on progress, they're focused on kids!"

Yeah, Lily?

That bit about kids PROVES the issue with Johto, not debunk it. Because a kid might explore the rematches- it's far more likely that the kid is gonna want to keep moving forward and see new things and not back track for the sake of refighting the same guys with lowsy teams and just as little EXP as the wild Pokemon.

A kid is also gonna wanna catch new Pokemon and try them out-And the new Pokemon just got KO'd because it was so underleveled it's general stats aren't enough to face the trainers ahead. Now the kid is probably just gonna stick to the starter, one or two Route 1 Pokemon, the Red Gyrados (which is at least somewhat appropriately leveled) and the legendary. Oops.

I could also talk about how a good level curve in Pokemon aids in the feeling of growing stronger while providing something stimulating to the player to engage them in story, making each victory feel like a logical progression due to previous one but I doubt Lily would even understand what I'm talking about.

"Why do all the gyms in this game have some kind of side-quest?!"

Story and worldbuilding to make the core gameplay more interesting and engaging. It shows that the Gym Leaders are people who interact with their community. It's something to supplement the core gameplay you're supposedly focusing on.

"Oh shit! Chuck's Gym requires the Strength HM!"

Hey Lily, remember when you were complaining about people bitching on about HMs? You think maybe shit like this, creating unnecessary roadblocks that require restricting a player's self-expression and choice, might just factor into their complaints.

*Lily uses a Butterfree's Psychic on a Primeape, knocks off only 40% of the Pokemon's HP*

You know, Lily. If you made a habit of questioning yourself and your opinions- now would be the time where you would think back to the statement about 'Butterfree not being considered good because no STAB is stupid because coverage!' and admit there might be a point. You can still use Butterfree while admitting it's something of a handicap.

If you're observant, you will also notice that Lily's team is slightly below Chuck's in Level and that she wins her fight using battle items instead of, I dunno- engaging in those rematches she said negated the criticisms of Johto's level curve to train up her Pokemon.

"Ugh! The level curve in Johto is so awfu-"

Wait.

Lily. Didn't you DEFEND the level curve in Johto or at least try debunking this idea behind the game not having enough EXP earlier by talking about the rematches, talking about kids just rematching as they go back to explore unlike Youtubers? Which you are now admitting is 'extremely inelegant and forces you to wait' which...debunks your own view?

... This is a DIRECT contradiction of your stance from before. This is why you question yourself: you find contradictions in that self reflection.

"Johto's distribution of Pokemon suck! You can't even catch Houndour, Misdreavus and Larvitar until the post game! It's shitty because if you like these Pokemon, you can't catch them! It doesn't make them more valuable- just less fun!"

God damn it.

1-Lily, gating Pokemon out is not inherently a bad idea. Locking say...the pseudo-legendary into near the end of the game isn't a bad idea. That way you can't just power level one Pokemon into one of the strongest possible.

2-I do agree with Lily on this instance though. Johto locking away three of their new families of Pokemon behind KANTO is fucking insane. But issue here is that Lily just says they're locked behind the post game and just ends there, without giving context to why this is a problem. So- I'll do her job FOR her.

Let's start with the weakest one- Houndour. You catch this Pokemon at Route 7 (between Celadon and Saffron) in Kanto at Night. Seems like a good placement, since Houndour's type (Fire/Dark) counters the two nearby Gyms (Erika and Sabrina). Problem.

Houndour is caught at a max level of 18. Sabrina and Erika's teams average Level 48 and 44 respectively. There's no Trainers on this route either. Same with Murkrow btw.

Larvitar you catch at MT. SILVER (aka WHERE RED IS) at Level 20...at a 9% catch rate...right before Red. And Larvitar is a pseudo-legendary btw, so it levels up SLOWER than normal. Similar to Misdreavus, except it CAN'T evolve to get better.

And it's not like there aren't better options. Umbreon can be gotten as early as Level 21 by the fourth Gym Badge to cover Dark. Growlithe and Vulpix at Level 13 on ROute 36 as soon as Whitney to cover Fire. Geodude as early as ROCK CAVE for Rock. And Ghastly as soon as Sprout Tower. And many of these Pokemon are or become better than their counterparts so you have NO incentive to switch out Pokemon in your likely finalized team for newer, likely weaker Pokemon that you need to train up.

This summarizes the issue with Johto- the Pokemon MADE for Johto don't get to shine and the level curve makes adding new Pokemon pretty fucking shitty.

"Only pathetic shits think Shinies have any value!"

Lily, you are comparing locking off new Pokemon to a post game where they can't be effective to...an aesthetic change.

Move on. Also we get it with the capitalist dig- You want a social system that would have killed you off long ago.

"It's wrong to lock off Pokemon! See, this difficulty ROM Hack has so many!"

Yeah, DIFFICULTY ROM HACK Lily. As in, a hack of an already finished game that ends up tweaking certain aspects to increase difficulty likely for experience, adult Pokemon players. But for the ACTUAL Pokemon games- they have to be built for the new, casual or more relaxed fans as well.

Shoving a bunch of Pokemon into a single route, dropping multiple encounter rates down as low as 5% just to cram in as many Pokemon as possible is just gonna tire those poeple out as they search for every Pokemon possible. Even I, someone who likes Pokemon fan games, don't really like it when they try cramming 15 Pokemon into one Route just to accommodate them all because it feels like a slog trying to get one specific Pokemon I like that likely isn't even good enough to justify this. I would like all Pokemon catchable in a game (hence why I like the DLCs- they let you catch everything they add) but it would require so much effort to actually do that it's not feasible for Pokemon's release schedule.

Also all those Pokemon are available because it's balance out the difficulty with variety and the ability to EV train early. Most people still don't know how EVs, IVs and Natures work Lily. Most people wouldn't like this level of difficulty. Case and point: SMT has far less complexity and thus can be understood more easily yet it's difficulty, despite being easier to adjust to, is a turn off by itself.

"Pokemon games should give you all this variety so you can make unique and varied teams each game!"

Really Lily? You think having a bunch of Pokemon available at the start will allow you to use varied teams every game?

Because in practice, due to players valuing efficency- They will likely centralize around six extremely good Pokemon that synergize together to steam roll through the game. Limiting Pokemon helps CREATE variety by gate keeping strong Pokemon until the challenge matches up with them while you use weaker Pokemon as they were given a chance. It's probably why you like Butterfree so much: You used Butterfree as a kid and blowed through the early game with it and got attached. This likely wouldn't have happened if you had access to, say, Scyther instead.

Also, kind of funny you go off about making varied and unique teams when A. You started this rant talking about the cruelty of gatekeeping Pokemon so people who love them can't use them (thus forcing them to use different Pokemon) and B. we already know from your earlier Butterfree rant that you're gonna be using the EXACT SAME TEAM in each game.

Practice what you preach.

"People talk up the newer villains like Cyrus and N and the bigger plots but they suck!"

Lily. You couldn't even get Blue right.

Your opinion on the story means nothing.

"Mahagony Gym makes you take the path that faces you against the most Gym Trainers and that's bad! But the Gym is like an endurance test and that's good!"

So the gym making you fight trainers rapidly before facing the boss is bad...while also being good because it's an endurance test?

Proofread your scripts.

"Ice Cave is great because there's barely any trainers and there's little to no random encounters!"

Look I get that random encounters are annoying when you can't control them and Trainers can be tedious if you wish to get to your destination but...come on Lily. Battling is the main gameplay loop.

"I beat Silver and he doubles down-"

"…I couldn't win… I gave it everything I had… What you possess, and what I lack… I'm beginning to understand what that dragon master said to me…"

He doesn't.

And that ends Lily's view of Johto. Yes, she doesn't tackle Kanto or Red. Pretty sure she hates playing post games. Probably why she bashes Gen 5 so much.

Now for Gen 3. Which she calls the one with 'her favorite characters, best story and most beautiful locales in the series.'

... And I really hate Gen 3. Yay...

[cobra-creampuff]

thinking about something very sad and violent and sad and upsetting and violent.

[CORPORAL PUNISHMENT, EMOTIONAL ABUSE, ED ON HIS KRAKEN SHIT]

thinking about them all on the breakup boat in the kraken era, and ed is fucking terrifying, but also sometimes he's just pathetic. like everyone knows he's evil now because he's sad as hell.

and this isn't at all what izzy wanted. we all know that. now the crew knows that too, and izzy himself. he wanted ed to be blackbeard, yeah, but only because he thought that was what was best (for both of them), and he wants ed to be... if not happy then at least not miserable. half content half the time, if that's the fucking best izzy can do. he's just trying his damndest now to figure out how to stop doing any worse.

so he brings back some fabric from a raid, and gives it to ed. it's not an outfit or anything, just an unrolled skein of the stuff really, not even hemmed. the raw stuff, the merchants were probably gonna sell it to a tailor or something what the fuck does izzy know. but it's nice. it's fine. maybe silk or velvet or something equally expensive and easily destroyed. and he offers it to ed without a word, because he doesn't know what words he could say, and anyway he thinks - he thinks - the fabric itself must surely say enough.

ed takes the fabric. runs it through his hands. lets the excess fall in curtains onto the deck. stares at it for a long minute. and izzy thinks he did it! ed likes it! and he got the message, that izzy just wanted-

but actually ed is furious. when he looks up he's angrier than izzy thinks he's ever seen him. his fawn fear response goes absolutely haywire and he starts stumbling unintelligibly over explanations and excuse, for now and for before and he just wanted-

ed interrupts izzy's babbling with, "tie him to the mast."

the ship goes as silent as a ship at sea can go. not a damn sound in the air but the lap of calm waves against the hull. everyone has stopped breathing.

because, yeah, ed has been scary this past while since stede's very memory was thrown overboard with all his stuff and left to die like the rest of his crew. but he's just been making threats he clearly means, constantly drawing attention to his weapons (which he's wearing more of than he used to) or pulling them on people to enforce his orders, lurking and looming and glowering and breathing down everyone's necks, and twice as brutal during raids than any of them have ever seen him. he hasn't done anything to any of them yet (as far as anyone but izzy knows).

but you don't get this far as a pirate without knowing when to follow a fucking command without questioning it, so even as izzy gasps, "what?" ivan and fang are hesitantly moving towards him.

when ed doesn't repeat himself or clarify, izzy stubbornly accepts his fate. he snaps, "i don't need to be tied," and starts frog marching his damn self to the mast to put himself in position to be flogged - a form of discipline ed hasn't used in years, and has never used on izzy before ever (except when he was the bosun on hornigold's ship and he was ordered to, and they both knew then he didn't want to, and in a way that was a hurt that they'd shared. not like this).

but ed grabs izzy by the hair from behind and yanks him back so hard izzy loses his feet. he snarls, "if i said tie you, they'll fucking tie you." he all but tosses izzy at ivan and fang, and they - still visibly unwilling, but not hesitating anymore; clearly there's no waiting for ed to change his mind - grab him. izzy lets them this time, walks between them as they lead him toward the mast to do as ed says.

but then ed adds, "fight it."

izzy's "what?" is something much deeper, much worse than shock this time. the look on his face hurts to look at - well, frenchie was already looking away, watching this unfold from the corner of his eye since it would be really pushing his luck to fully turn his back, but now jim has to as well.

ed isn't even looking at izzy. he's picking his nails with his knife or something, whatever. he's already pulled the whip, from fuck knows where, bonnet didn't even have one. he says, "i'm bored izzy, i already told you that didn't i? it's in your best interests to make this entertaining."

izzy doesn't do anything at first. he's having some trouble comprehending that this is really happening, like this, to him, now. after twenty years of loyalty and one bad call. after - not friendship, pirates don't have friends - something else, something more than simple friendship. or so izzy had thought, all this time.

so ed finally lets them catch eyes, and his are... dead. not flinty, not hard like steel, not cold as ice. they're just black. nothing there at all. but the affected boredom in his voice has gone even more sour, even more threatening, when he repeats himself, "i know you're prideful, iz-" the nickname stings like hell now "-but if you don't give me a show i'll double your count."

and, not knowing what the fucking count is to begin with, but not doubting now that it's plenty enough already, izzy puts up a fight.

izzy struggles and kicks up and twists around in fang's and ivan's arms. he even bites one of them, he can't tell which. he can't tell which way's up at this point, his heart hurts so fucking bad. his crewmates tie him by the wrists facing the mast, and he stops fighting with a warped kind of relief as soon as the rope touches his skin. one of them has shaking hands.

before the knots are all the way done, ed is at izzy's back.

"cry," he orders, and fuck at this point izzy was already about to, and his eyes fill up on ed's command. ed pulls izzy's head back by the hair again to check, and izzy makes a helplessly wounded noise at the sneering, empty look on his face.

"aaww," ed says mockingly. "are those genuine?" izzy's answer is just another heartbroken little whine. ed crushes his face into the mast.

he cuts open the back of izzy's vest and shirt with his knife. (he's unconsciously careful not to slice open izzy's back; deep, deep down underneath layers upon layers of rage and grief and resentment and apathy, he already regrets this; he's already burying it away in the farthest back of his mind to wretchedly Not Think About forever, right alongside The Toe Thing.)

so anyway. izzy never does learn how many flogs ed had arbitrarily decided on. he hardly feels them at all. but he keeps crying.

[mika-0730]

Honestly i think if at this point you still really believe that "voting blue no matter who" is a thing i really don't wanna talk to you or be around you.

Like, how much more do you need to see to know there isn't a "Better Side" in this election? Genocide denial everywhere, literally every expert is saying US is complicit (which is putting it mildly imo)

Every single point I hear about defending blues are specifically around like, "we can't get the other guy back in office because he'll do even worse" Like? The genocide is already damning enough, so you can't say "Red will commit genocides", because Blue already is. Trans right will go away under the reds? You do realize the blues have done nothing to stop the rampant transphobia spreading across the southern states? The ones where I had to literally had to seek asylum because they were banning my meds? Women's rights are in danger? You mean the things that pretty much went away when RvW went away? Let's not forget about the fact the Blues didn't provide us any full pandemic relief under this administration (only continued what was in play and gave half a stimulus check), stopped tracking, and has forced us all to pretend it doesn't exist anymore? Workers rights? Remember how the blues constantly interfere with labor strikes?

I'm in theory for voting. Vote for your local level stuff. Be *active* in your communities. But the federal, and even the state level? Needs to be burned to the fucking ground. Voting for Blues means you're okay with what he's doing. You're okay with the Genocide, because "what about us". And if you really think that's okay, I don't want you around. The trolly car problem is a definition of "two things that WILL happen". In this case, you're voting for a person who's actively participating in killing millions of people. This isn't an example of "one car is driving into a storm, and another car is driving off a cliff". This is someone blowing up children, and you saying "at least it's not us", or "it could be so much worse". I'm glad you can look at what's happening in gaza and say "well, it's not me". I'm glad you can look at all the millions of americans (and people around the globe) who died during the pandemic, and pretend it's normal for us to just be missing the populations of Wyoming and Vermont Combined. Imagine thinking that it's okay that suddenly, every single person in the City of Dallas Texas went missing and we had to make up for that labor.

This is such a fucking shitshow, I'm probably actually done talking about it here, but like, what the fuck are we doing?

-Your local disabled, trans girl still suffering from student debts for a degree that did jack shit that Biden did nothing about, who cares more about the millions of dead people at the hands of this government than that

[gayspock]

OK

now im like im gonna shut up for real i fucking promise but also just feel like such fucking shit all the fucking time and its everything but it's mostly loneliness isn't it i feel like I'm going fucking nuts like seriously fucking nuts I keep thinking about what it would look like to look back on my existence like a TV show and think about how I've never been anything more than a sad fucking loser who just ends up crying in their room alone every night because they felt left out again and again and again and again and it never ends and it never changes and there's nothing you can do to make it stop there's just something wrong with you or there's not enough of you to like and i don't think I'm ever going to cope with it even after accepting it I just can't fucking do it and nobody's ever gonna care or know like for real because no matter what people say I just feel like i don't exist 8 feel like I'm constantly going crazy I wish it mattered like properly for a fucking second and it wasn't some fucking clinical reassurance but someone actively choosing to be near me or remembering I exist I don't understand it and 8 never have and I don't think I'll ever make it long enough to ever feel it I can't even relate to half the fucking bullshit out there ei don't know what to do I've never managed it I keep thinking when I kill myself what will happen how nobody will even realise how nobody will even want to deal with the body I wonder what would end up happening I keep trying to think of ways I could do it and make sure there's never anything to recover how to slowly dismantle all the pieces because I don't 2wnt to think about being left somewhere forever having some stranger fucking dig my hole or scatter my ashes i just feel so fucking sick of everything no i haven't i haven't managed to talk to people in years and years I don't remember any more einkeep thinking about the tens of thousands of hours of spiralling and nobody ever fucking giving a damn enough to take me seriously as a person 8 feel like I've never been a person to anyone I don't know i can't explain it people keep telling me I'm not trying enough I try too hard I don't care I can't fucking care any more and I'm not strong enough to fucking do it Its been my whole life 8 mean it it's just been like this I can't remember when it wasn't like this I used to fucking sob in cupboards wishing someone would just not fucking hate me please I'm so fucking or just stay please please like me or if I got older maybe if I went to new places maybe I could try I could try and it just kept. Getting worse. The more and more it happened the worse it got i didn't even do anything in uni nobody knew who I was and I think ive always just been a joke and 8 don't know what's wrong with me every time I get my hopes up I feel like I've just ended up more and more hurt and more and more upset and I just don't want to fucking try I don't want to keep doing it I don't want to be near anyone I feel so much fucking worse just living in the cracks of everyone else's fucking existence it feels like I'm being mocked and it's not fucking worth it nothing could retroactively make it fucking worth it ii don't fucking care but what's going to happen other than I'm going to go fucking sob in the dark for another few months until 8 finally kill myself hm okay!

[ahimoth-storm]

some relatable quotes (and why)

so i wanted to make a post about some quotes from anime/movies/cartoons that relate to me in a way. there is a lot, to be honest, so for now i'll only put a few. who knows, i might do a part 2 and songs next. if you have any quotes you relate to, feel free to comment them!

now that i look over this....i realized it looks more like a vent post due to me adding why the quote is relatable in parenthesis... shit-

I don't understand why everybody has to be so judgmental. ...."Hey, Cody's just a bum." "Cody's this," "Cody's that," "Cody's this." Cody's me, bro. Let me be me. When is that going to start? ~Cody Maverick, Surf's up (constantly being compared to others, told i should be like this or more like that)

I, am on, *so* much migraine medication you have no idea... The stress is killing me. I dunno how much longer I can last, I have to tell you that right now! ~Mikey Abromowitz, Surf's up (i have chronic migraines; stress makes it worse)

No joy, man. No joy...Fail. ~Big Z, Surf's up (me after telling myself "i'ma have a good day" and it ends up being shit)

Mikey, why don't you head on over to the snack bar and get yourself a big bowl of shut up? ~Reggie Belafonte, Surf's up (me when i am not in a good mood and people make it worse. me when someone pisses me off then tries to make me laugh)

heh heh, this place sucks, bro. ~Cody Maverick, Surf's up (me at school, me at home, me at the store, me in any sort of inconvenient/annoying place)

i promote happiness! can you see the happiness emanating from me!? what's wrong with you? ~Reggie Belafonte, Surf's up (me looking in the mirror when i am one minor inconvenience away from absolutely losing my shit)

*sigh.* why is it that whenever i'm having fun, it's wrong? ~Squidward, Spongebob (me. just me)

what are those neanderthals doing?.... ~Squidward, Spongebob (me with my nosy neighbors, me at the store and people are acting absolutely RIDICULOUS)

too bad that didn't kill me. ~Squidward, Spongebob (me, with just anything)

i hate all of you. ~Squidward, Spongebob (me after i graduated in 2023)

well, it wouldn't be the first time you ruined everything. ~Squidward, Spongebob (me when my family just can't get along, younger me with my little brother 'cause my father always favored him)

wake me up when i care. ~Squidward, Spongebob (me when my little brother constantly woke me up for the damn nintendo wii (i wanted to do what Squidward did when he bashed his head into the register, but to a table or wall instead))

why am i always the one handing out apologies? ~Shippo, Inuyasha (was blamed for everything; grew a habit of apologizing for everything)

...nothing i could've gained was worth losing her. nothing at all. ~Sesshomaru, Inuyasha (i lost my grandma in january of 2021)

i want you to be happy. i want you to laugh a lot. i don't know what i'll be able to do for you, but i'll always be by your side. ~Kagome, Inuyasha (me to my best friend who i've known and been friends with since 2018)

people like you… are the reason why people like me need medication. ~Inuyasha, Inuyasha (many people in the world, and many types of people, are driving me up a fucking wall)

i just don't like giving up, there's a difference! ~Inuyasha, Inuyasha (i refuse to give up on something/someone that means so much to me, unless i absolutely have a good reason (even then, a part of me still wants to refuse giving up))

i can't be at peace until i find out the truth. Sailor Mercury, Sailor Moon (there are a lot of things happening in my family, as it was split in half when i was very young. one side says this, the other side says that. i'm in constant turmoil trying to figure out who is and who isn't lying. it feels like the equivalent of being ripped apart)

18 quotes, and now my fingers are cramped T^T they'll only cramp more when i add the tags.

[ronin-deactivated19851026]

so i've been extremely overwhelmed by....... i guess everything online lmao, it's really hard to focus on things when you're constantly bombarded with things you don't really need at the moment

i'm trying to get back into journaling but damn it's so hard. i know my head isn't empty, i spawn walls of texts almost daily, but my mind goes blank when i'm in front of an open notebook because i don't know what's truly worthy of writing down? it's kind of like with drawing at this point. i'm stuck with the art block because i don't know what's worthy of drawing. and guess what made me feel this way? the social media lmfao. i hate that literally every idea i consider cool i never depict because my brain immediately goes like, "who cares about this?", "this won't get noticed and also you're too late, so don't be cringe", etc

i hate this so much idk. anyway, i think i'm going to make a list of things to focus on, both personal projects/artistic inspirations and fandom related ones. i do have things i overfixate on for years, so why am i letting myself be distracted by some random content ideas that only matter to me for like a day or two...?

i should also start limiting inspirations in general, looking at my folder rn and realizing that there are just WAY TOO MANY things i want to incorporate into my work and it really overwhelms me. reminds me of various artists saying that "less is more" and holy crap i should start limiting myself. this is something i slowly started to realize on my own when i did some pixel art, which is limited already due to its nature, with some color palettes instead of randomly staring at a color wheel for half an hour, not being able to decide which one to use.

also i found out about artfol, social media for artists, and so far it seems promising? haven't tried it yet, maybe i will upload some stuff there later. also maybe i'll finally sort everything here on tunglr dot com and make a separate art blog and will use this one as my "main"-diary-esque blog where i won't post much. it's not like i'm on here anyway, my dash feels overwhelming so i don't even scroll past 3-4 posts a day anymore on here. i'm tired of social media. it doesn't feel personal anymore, it's not fun, not interesting...

fomo effect used to fuck me up before something clicked and i stopped scrolling things. because due to nature of the modern internet, i have more chances of stumbling across useful/interesting information if i just keep scrolling through junk. since as you know, google is dead anyway, shit is hard to find these days, and indeed, every cool thing i managed to find was through random braindead scrolling (post 2016 i mean, i miss mid 2000s era when stuff was actually GOOGLEABLE and you didn't need to scroll long ass feed to stumble across cool things, you could get there at your own pace while just surfing the web). so the habit was made worse by "damn what if i miss some obscure post that features obscure cool thing that will matter to me once i get to know it??" but i'm just so fucking exhausted... everything i love about the internet because so dormant, niche even. the internet, as i define it, is dead to me. it's really heartbreaking

[aurelie-in-letters]

Tuesday, July 2nd, 2024. 1:19AM.

Not a very good day yesterday. It was my Nana's birthday, but it was probably lackluster for the poor thing - especially dealing with my younger siblings being here. I didn't know my younger siblings prior to coming to stay with my grandparents at the end of January, but I can't say I'm too impressed with their characters. The older one is an unclean & self absorbed liar who steals from people, & she's a deeply entitled individual who doesn't care for anyone else unless it impacts her - everything is always about her & what she wants first & foremost, the world be damned.

Like, she made my poor nana, who isn't in the best health & was obviously not physically or emotionally well today, take her to get food. & when nana was kind enough to offer to take her to the drive thru of a fast food place she sulked & said she wanted to sit in. She must be blind as fuck or totally heartless because you could tell my nana was dead exhausted - she had to watch over my half sibling today, who is 7 & maybe even worse than this sibling. They're all horrible ...

I understand she's 15 & she's been through a lot, but a reason is not an excuse. She is aware of her problems & shortcomings, which means she's capable of working on them & fixing them. Having a diagnosis doesn't give you a pass to be or continue to be a piece of shit. And I took my fucking jelly gloss back, too !! I noticed when it was missing & asked if she had it & she said no, but I was over there Sunday & I found it on the loveseat ...

She also stole a headband last time but she ended up telling me like that made it okay, & kept it ... then got another one of my pearl headbands today & tried to say it was the other one. So I gave her my crappier thin pearls & took that back to shut her up abt supposedly bringing it with her, but now she still has two of my pearl headbands which is still pissing me off hrs later.

She also was making cringe comments about wanting to start smoking when she's old enough because she wants to slowly kill herself #deep, #dark, & less than an hour later when she goes to leave, my Papa can't find his cigarettes ... & she refused to let me check her bag.

On top of that, she is constantly copying my interests & repeating the things I say back to me days or even hrs after I've said them to her as if she had come up with them on her own which gets pretty annoying. Musical artists, games, styles, you name it ... Like, everything.

I introduced her to måneskin and said I don't really care for anyone but Victoria De Angelis ( hot sapphic Italian rockstar ) & she repeated the same exact thing back to me today. It's like she forgets where she heard / learned about things ... If your memory is that bad you should be more careful if you're going to be a fake or fraud lol

You can say imitation is flattery but she would never admit to imitating me, & she also puts me down on occasion to make herself feel better under the guise of a joke, often projecting her insecurities onto me, such as her weight. She's been pretty fatphobic in general lately, calling her grandpa a fat ass & other terms ...

Besides that, I also spoke with my friend who still lives in the state I left in January, with some updates about my psycho ex roommate ... She's still acting fucking crazy, trying to get friendly with my friends younger siblings for information on her because she cut her off ( they are cousins, for context ). She doesn't live with her family so she didn't even even know this was going on until one of her siblings confessed to her because they felt guilty - her family kept it a secret because they knew she would be upset, & even though they don't like this bitch they let her do it since she was buying them stuff & taking them to amusement parks ... Basically accepting a fucking bribe. How shitty are your morals?

It's not the first time she's gotten close with minors like that - her husband has very young nieces, like 10 & 7 now probably? & she always picks them up & takes them places, buying them shit & probably pumping them for information about their mom. She calls their mom her friend but they don't even hang out unless it's a party where she spends most of the time talking to her kids. In both cases, it's not sexual, but it still feels like fucking grooming? Buying them shit & buttering them up to get what she wants ... She also doesn't have friends her own age left to hang out with since losing me & her cousin, so she must have resorted to hanging out with even more children ... Lol. Talk about pathetic.

Also, I cut my homophobic sister off like a year ago now & she's still talking shit & telling lies about me? She gave me a tablet when I was there - she literally insisted that I take it as a "late birthday present" & then when I fled for my fucking life so I wouldn't kill myself ( whole time I was there she was extremely homophobic & controlling, dictating what I could talk about in & out of her apartment as well as who I could talk to - literally opened her work app & went down the list of names & told me who I couldn't speak with. She banned talking about anything LGBT altogether DURING pride month & insisted she wasn't even homophobic she just didn't support it because it wasn't "natural". On top of that, she tried to force me on a crazy diet with her when she knows I already struggle with disordered eating & also, at one point she wasn't watching the time & screamed at me saying it was her fault she was late for school & I needed to do better in the future - completely insane) & I stayed the night in the airport, blowing money I didn't have on an early morning flight back home ... she told my mom I stole the tablet from her ... & refused to give back the expensive ass phone that I dropped trying to escape before she got back with her racist ass friend because she left with her & abandoned me in fucking downtown Atlanta because she thought I was talking shit to her coworkers, & I almost got stranded at the train station after dark in one of the worst cities in USA.

She's been chatting shit to our 15 year old sibling of all people, calling me fat & saying I'm a lesbian slut who deserves all the negative & perverse treatment I get from men because of the way I dress ?? I literally went to visit her because she was assaulted - I planned to work with her, we could hang out after forever & have fun all summer before I went back to uni (sadly didn't happen) & just in general be a familiar face to support her & she ended up traumatizing me & then making me a victim of all her prejudice & internalized misogyny ...

Other than that ... Work tomorrow, sorting out school stuff. Didn't get to make an eye appointment today bc I have to make sure other things are going to line up ...

Now that it's past midnight, it's my other friends bday.

I get the fourth off, so three days off this week ❤️

[tartrazeen]

I'm trying 🤔 to understand 🤔 Rohan and Angus' living situation 🤔

The hut. It's Rohan's, basically. At one point, Angus mentions getting "his own hut" (in excitement) and gets super pissed off about that bratty kid-king taking his spot because ">:( I stay with Rohan, wtf." For that, he just chills with Ivar for the night, and we've seen Deirdre asking him to stay at the castle too. Even more than that, I think it's only maybe once in the whole show that anyone ever says "That's Angus' hut," because every other time, it's either:

1) "Rohan, someone's at your hut"

2) "That's Angus' bed"

3) "Rohan and Angus are in this village"

So everything's towards it officially being Rohan's hut, and Angus just being the friend crashing on the couch.

There's even more when you think about how it's always Angus who grabs his stuff and stomps off. Rohan runs away once, but it's when he's fear-poisoned, and he doesn't pack for it the same way Angus always does. There's also jail, since that's where this guy spends at least 30% of his time. There's also-also that bed in Cathbad's chamber - which is interesting, because it's sure as hell not Cathbad's bed (we see that in the Ghost of Balin episode) and Angus makes himself very comfy on it (kinda everyone does, but Angus legit lies down on it). So it's probably Rohan's bed.

👀

And that's 👀 what started me on this. 👀

Rohan already has a bed in the castle from when he was an apprentice. He still has it, since it's not like it's gone and it's big enough for an adult, but for as much as Angus is all perky about getting to stay in the castle occasionally (when he isn't furious about some other shit), Rohan has clearly moved out.

Rohan got a hut.

Cathbad straight up says in the first episode that Rohan was scrounging around looking for food or a fight as a kid (so Angus was too :( unrelated, just /sadface), which makes it pretty damn unlikely that he happened to have a hut as a kid and got a second bed anyway.

And while everyone seems to agree that it's his hut, Rohan has been consistently matter-of-fact that, "Yep, that's Angus' bed. That's Angus' side of this place."

It makes it all so interesting, because I've got so many ways to interpret it but I've settled on this main one:

Angus didn't like sleeping on the ground in the first episode. He likes beds. He likes being comfy.

Angus technically always has a place to stay 'cause his ass is always getting hauled off to jail.

When Angus - as a kid - shows up to check out where Rohan went after Cathbad adopts him as an apprentice, Rohan seemed... surprised? That Angus found his way in? Which is a point saying, "This kid can wriggle into any place so he's got a million places to build a nest" and another saying, "I don't think Rohan expected Angus to find him, and it came off as a 'holy shit, you actually did? I have a friend!' moment when Angus did show up."

For whatever broke-ass reason, Angus doesn't have his own hut. That's despite at least pitching the idea as being worthy of a wish, so something's stopping him from getting it. It's not that he's choosing to live with Rohan over living in his own place.

Rohan, who's not constantly in jail and has a job (???), got a hut and then happily devoted half of it to Angus, even though he already had a place to stay without Angus (assuming Cathbad would make good on his promise to kick that kid out of there if he was discovered, even though we know Rohan's hiding his buddy all the time). Whatever resources/time/currency it took, Rohan thought it was worth that price, and also worth sharing.

Angus does chores. He cooks and cleans. Everything? Maybe not, but we see him doing it or talking about it way more than Rohan does. He even helps with Rohan's sword.

Rohan's got a teeny tiny case of the Fatal Fuckin' Abandonment Issues and an even worse problem of ':( where is my real family, that'll fix all of my troubles'.

Angus - although he's S-tier for loyalty, and has unquestioningly jumped face-first into solving whatever problems or physical danger Rohan's put himself into - does have more of a "if it sucks, hit da bricks" attitude. Especially since he gets into his own trouble, there must have been hundreds of nights where Angus - just... didn't come home. ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯ Jail, tied to a tree, attacked and injured, purposely stomped off, crashing with somebody else... Again, an undeniable A+ for his dedication, but also kind of a flight risk.

We've seen Angus interacting with other background characters. Flirting, chatting, scamming - he's got a whole life. Rohan's really only just got Angus (and Cathbad, but Angus takes priority 'cause Rohan'll straight-up argue with Cathbad to keep 'im).

If you add that up, what you get is one person who's rooming with his best friend and is comfy with doing chores to pay his rent, and another person who basically kinda definitely seems to have uhhhhhh acquired a hut to quasi-bribe his best/only friend into staying as close as possible and doesn't seem to like... need Angus to do chores? At least not consciously. There's a vibe of "This is where you live, you don't have to earn your keep to stay here" from Rohan, and it leaks out enough in how Ivar - who's new - describes things over time that you almost see how clear it is from the outside looking in: from 'This is Rohan's hut' to 'This is where Rohan and Angus are staying'.

You can take it to a sad place really easily. Like, Angus still sees it as a transaction of some kind - something that can be revoked since it's all based on his friendship with Rohan - and that's why he's so willing to leave whenever he's angry. "I'll abandon you first, and on my own terms!" And that immediately clashes with someone like Rohan, who goes on about how he never knew his family, how much he needs Angus around, and how he kinda low-key accepts that sooner or later, something'll happen (in or out of anyone's control) where Angus leaves him for good.

You can also take it to a nice place by being like, "Angus seems like he was taking care of Rohan long before Cathbad was on the scene, and sure as hell has kept doing it throughout the show, so maybe this was Rohan's first chance to pay him back a little." And that Angus doing chores is him not understanding that, locking them into a loop where Angus is effectively paying Rohan back for paying him back, probably pushing Rohan to pay Angus back for paying him back for paying Angus back in the first place. :) They're idiots. It's adorable.

But you can also take it a fantastic place.

Angus spends so much screentime hyping Rohan up, putting himself in front of danger for him, defending Rohan's reputation, rescuing him... and Rohan does the same thing at the same intensity except for hyping Angus up. Rohan's a tearer-downer, really. It doesn't bother Angus, since however it looks in the show, Angus doesn't act as if Rohan means it beyond surface-level teasing. It canonically never becomes an issue for them. (Hogging credit? Different episode lol) But while Angus is going from, "You can't be Draganta!" to "Fuck Balin, you're the hero of our time, don't let anybody tell you that you aren't perfect, I'll stab Lugad if I have to istg," we have Rohan taking until like THE THIRD LAST EPISODE to give a 'royal you' to a whole group of people about how they're Rohan's close-enough-I-guess family.

And like... sometimes I still wonder how that's fair, but stuff like this makes it balance back out. Angus is doing all the little things all the time, and the big things. But while Rohan does the big things too, what he does instead of the little things are these big mostly-unspoken gestures. They're infrequent but they're enduring. It's Angus caring enough to cook and clean and wake Rohan up (figuratively and literally, like in that episode where Rohan ran off to summon Tyrune like an idiot -_-) and generally tend to the home, while Rohan's like, ":3 i bought us a home. yes, for us. i already had a place. this is a place for you to stay without you getting chased by cathbad and you have your own bed forever because you're safe here now" and ":3 i have to go on a suicide mission and you're the only person i want to bring with me, oops we're knights now and i need you to be at my side while i lead us further into war, okay?"

idk - someone flip through that big ol' book on Love Languages and tell me if Rohan's doing Quality Time or "Gifts" (by his own definition) to keep up with Angus' Acts-of-Service and ✨ affirmations!💖 shtick.

I absolutely adore their friendship, omg. It's perfectly controlled chaos. Fire in a pit, safely surrounded by rocks. :D

[muchmossymess]

Gonna preface this with zelda hate is stupid (and that this is NOT a jab at op). Girl was put through the wringer give her a break. Terrible father, no freedom, suffocating burden, and then 100 years fighting a calamity. Not to mention all her loved ones died on her 17th birthday. And she was friends with link. Wtf are half of you on about. They made up.

Now, before they made up, zelda was antagonising someone she was in a position of power over. Should she have chosen to verbally abuse link, all he could do was stand there and take it being under order from the king to watch over her. Doesn't matter if he wanted to leave, he had to stay.

But zelda didn't verbally abuse him? Sure she was a little mean at times, but she was mostly just arguing for her freedom? Anyone can see she just wanted to be left alone, and she knew link had no choice but be there. It's a little emotionally immature to lash out at someone who has to be there, but god damn she's 16!!! Sure she's she's princess but she isn't the pinnacle of people!

And then after a life is saved and heart to heart is had, they made up. Link forgave her after zelda realised she was being unfair and apologised?? Why do you hate her she was under so much pressure and reacted like anyone would, but realised she was in the wrong and redeemed herself! (Wasn't much redemption needed, she barely did anything wrong)

Now onto revali. We know he's an asshole. We know that that's mask for his insecurities. We know that he sees his insecurities becoming real with how he views link. We know thats not really the case, and he's just being an emotional teenager (not bashing, just facts).

So, not so different from zelda. Zelda was under tons of pressure to do something she didn't know how to do, lashed out at nearest person who happened to reflect her insecurities with his sick sword skills. Revali was under lots of pressure from himself to attain perfection, lashed out at someone who he felt wouldn't acknowledge him and was given an opportunity he thought he should have had a shot at because of a sword.

But revali wasn't in a position of power over link. He was his equal, if not slightly below him. And he is also a teenager?? (atleast of similar age to zelda) (why are there so many children fighting wars) (get your shit together hyrule) (and get these kids some therapy while your at it)

Yet he is much worse in his opinion of link. In their interactions (from what we see) he isnt so bad, but his diary is pretty telling of his actual opinions (from 100 yrs ago) (as a spirit he's more just, sarcastically friendly) which are, very not good. He calls him "truly slow witted" for not speaking. Cmon dude. Chill.

(This is also at some fault to mistranslation/misinterpretation from the original Japanese version, in which hes just trying to spark a rivalry and isn't actually an ass to link)

But he didn't have a chance to get to know link well. He wasn't constantly shadowed by him, didnt have his life saved by him, didn't have a heart to heart in the rain with him, ect. Then he died, and probably felt it pointless to start a friendship now, when he would be moving on soon. (Or maybe I've read to much fanfic but eh).

Uh I think I've lost my point. To summarise: zelda was in a position of power over link, but wasn't that bad towards him and they became friends. Revali wasn't in a position over link, but was pretty bad, and never got the chances zelda had to apologise to link.

So zelda hate is stupid and unnecessary, but this is fandom, so like who you like and dislike who you dislike, and don't like don't interact (or block) is always a thing.

The only difference is one is a woman who had the audacity to raise her voice 🫢

[catzula]

A deal with the devil.

Warnings: Swearing, its 4,5k words (I'm sorry someone teach me how to write something smaller than at least 2k)

Pairing: Bakugou x fem!reader

Genre: pure fluff

A/N: I have one more Bakugou fic after this cuz if it’s not apparent enough I’m a baku simp, but after that I have one shinsou and todoroki ask so bear with me and my simping a lil longer pls, what else, uhhh, enjoy!

Synopsis: you want to learn to ride a motorcycle and Bakugou is the only one that can teach you. And if you thought convincing him to teach you was hard, you'll see it's worse when he's actually teaching you.

"I want to learn how to ride a motorcycle." These were the words that caused everyone in the room to stop whatever they were doing and stare at you.

"What?" You asked, feeling uneasy under the stern gazes of your friends. "Why is everyone staring at me?"

"We're just waiting for you to tell us it was a joke," Mina answered your question, chuckling awkwardly as the girls shook their heads in unison. You gasped dramatically, shocked at how little they trusted you. "I'm not joking, I'm serious!"

This led to another awkward silence, and it was Mina, once again, who broke the silence. You were hoping for at least a few encouraging sentences -something along the lines of you go girl!- but rolled your eyes at her when she said, "Sweetie, are you sure?"

"Oh my God!" You groaned. "Of course I'm sure. Why isn't anyone supporting me?" You looked at your friends expectedly, but their expression didn't change.

"Oh, it's not that we're not supporting you- we're just worried and don't think... You should be doing it." Momo said with a cute smile, probably hoping you to smile back and drop the subject, but you pouted. "Momo, that's exactly what not supporting means."

"Y/N, you know we love you and will support you at everything,” Ochako stated, but before you could even smile she added, “but, we're concerned. You know you're kind of... a little too clumsy.” Girls nodded as she carried on. “Actually, you're the clumsiest person I know!" She had one of her pretty, cute smiles on her face as she said the last sentence, and you almost wanted to laugh at how her upbeat attitude while calling you clumsy made an interesting contrast.

You scoffed. "Oh, come on. I'm not that clumsy."

"Oh, but you are." Mina stated, "you're not only clumsy, but you're also really... How do I say this-" she snapped her fingers as she remembered the word she was looking for, "unfocused, and you literally have no idea whats your left or right is." She muttered the last sentence and the girls giggled.

"What?!" Your face scrunched with confusion and at the insult you didn't even understand. "What does that even mean?" Yeah, what did that mean? Yeah, you did daydream quite a lot, and zoned out almost constantly, a little too much to tell the truth too, and though you did know your lef and right, you kinda did just mix them once in a while-

"Ooh." You said, understanding why they were so worried, and what they meant. You had to give them credit, you riding a motorcycle wasn't safe...  But still. You wanted to learn, and nothing could make you go back from your decision.

"Yeah, I see your point, but still. I want to do this, and I'll ask Kiri to teach me. I know he rides a motorcycle, and he's pretty good at it too! I'm pretty sure he can deal with my- whatever it is I have."

Your friends shot you a worried look, but they were familiar with your stubborn personality and knew you would do whatever it takes to learn it.

You stood up to find Kirishima as you rehearsed your speech in your mind. You were so lost in your thoughts that you didn't even realize the door was closed, and you walked right into it. "Oh, fuck." You mumbled under your breath, trying to ignore your friend's giggles.

As you walked out of the room, you kind of understood what unfocused meant.

~~~

"Kirishima, please!" You whined, you felt a weird urge to stump your feet on the floor like a little kid but kept yourself from doing so.

"I'm sorry Y/N, but I haven't been riding it long enough to teach anyone. Especially not you."

You gasped in an (overly exaggerated) shocked way. "Shoot me, it'll surely hurt less." You were trying to make him feel a little guilty, but you knew he was right. "I'm sorry, I really am!” He said, feeling bad when you looked at him like he just slapped you. “But uhh, you could try your chance with Baku? He was the one who taught me too, after all."

"Yeah, like Bakugou's ever gonna accept to teach me. Not even you would teach me, one of the nicest guys I know, let alone him!"

"Eh," he said with a toothy grin, you saw his cheeks reddening ever so slightly. "Shoot your shot. Maybe if you catch him in a good mood, you can convince him."

You pouted. Did Bakugou even have a good mood? Well, he did actually, but only when he beat the shit out of Izuku in training lessons. Other than that, he rarely even smiled.

"Yeah, I guess I'm gonna ask him. Thanks for your help, though." You said, half sarcastically but he didn't catch it. "Yeah, no problem!"

You exhaled the breath you didn't even realize you were holding. You weren't only hesitant because of, well, Bakugou being himself, but also because you had the biggest crush on him.

It was weird, really. You hated that you had a crush on Bakugou, and by doing so, you hated him too, but even that didn't prevent you from having a crush on him.

But you knew how he was the worst type of person to have a crush on, and you also knew he didn't even like you the slightest, the moment you met. So you decided it was the best to stay as far as you could from him and acted like you weren't, well, amazed by him.

He didn't make it hard either, and you didn't even know why you liked him so damn much. But you did, you were just thanking God Bakugou was such an insufferable person, so it was easy to hide your feelings as you could act like you couldn't stand him.

You realized you were in front of his dorm room, and you panicked since you didn't even plan what you were going to say, but you thought it would be better to just go with the flow this time. You gathered up your courage and knocked on the door. When the door opened, you thought you were going to go deaf from how loud your hard was beating. The door opened, and your gaze met the crimson eyes. You opened your mouth to say something as a little smile tugged on your lips-

The door shut in your face.

"Who was it?" You heard Denki's voice from the other side of the door. Bakugo tch'd as he answered, "Some extra I don't have time for." You couldn't say that didn't hurt, but you proceeded anyway. "Hey Denki, it's me, (Y/N)!"

You heard some shuffling voices coming from the room as you heard Bakugou's harsh voice. "If you open the God damn door, I'll blast you in-" The door opened as you saw Denki, the biggest smile on his face. "(Y/N)! Just the person I wanted to see."

He pulled you in a tight hug and hugged you even tighter when you tried to get away from him. "Get a fucking room. I don't care which one, but just stay away from mine." He mumbled as Denki snorted.  It was obvious they were studying, and you felt bad for interrupting it.

"Bakugou, you don't have to be jealous." His eyes widened as he growled frighteningly. "WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU-"

"Anyways, why are you here?" Denki asked to you, ignoring the fuming guy behind him. You were sure ignoring Bakugou was not the right thing to do, but you went along with it. "Oh, I just have to ask Bakugou a... Favor." You eyed him for a second. Was he in a good mood? You didn't even notice Denki exiting the room, leaving you two alone.

"What the fuck do you want?"

Probably not. But no going back now, you told yourself.

"I- I, have a favor to ask you." You said without meeting his gaze.

"No." One word made your head snap up, your eyes looking at his, now almost as angry as him. "What?! You didn't even hear what I have to say!"

He shrugged. "I said no. I don't do favors, nor do I have time for you, or whatever it is you want." He leaned up and was about to exit his room, but you gathered your courage, the words leaving your mouth almost in an angry tone. "I want to learn how to ride a motorcycle!"

His legs froze in their place as his body turned to you, his red eyes now angrier than ever. You didn't know why he was angry, but again, he was always angry. "You wanna what now?"

"I want to learn to ride a motorcycle." You said, this time a little calmer. "No." The word found its way out of his mouth once again.

"Oh my God, Bakugou, can't you at least think about it?" You stood up, now facing him. His shoulders so broad, muscles so defined, his face so- no, no, no, you had to concentrate.

"I thought about it, and my answer is no. What even made you think I would teach you?" Well, you had to give him credit, it was near impossible to convince him to do anything for anyone, but for desperate situations, you had to take desperate measures.

"Bakugou-" you said, your anger had disappeared, leaving it's place to sadness, desperation, and humiliation. His eyes a little surprised to see you so calm all of a sudden, you bit your lip as you forced yourself to beg him."Please... Please teach me, because no one else can! I- I'm begging-"

"Shut up." He said without letting you finish your sentence, and you couldn't help but feel relieved, you couldn't bear the thought of literally begging him, and once did his anger help you.

"Why would I do it? What could you offer me back?"

Now that was something that didn't even cross your mind, well on your defense, you didn't even think you would come this far! So you acted without thinking.

"Anything you want!" You realized your mistake almost the second you said the words, but you couldn't go back now. The smirk on his face made you feel uneasy.

"Now that's a deal." He said, his smirk still lingering on his face. "Come here tomorrow at 5 pm. One minute late and the deal is off."

"And Bakugou?" You said a little nervously. "What do you want back?"

This time his smirk made you feel straight-up terrified. "I'll hold on to it for a while, I'll let you know when I decide what I want."

Damn, this was a bad idea, wasn't it? He wasn't a predictable person, and now you gave him this power, the kind of power you would feel afraid giving to anyone, let alone to Bakugou. He knew you, knew how much you valued promises, knew you would go drastic measures to hold a promise you made. So now he could even make you murder Midoriya, though you doubted it, you were sure he would rather kill the green-haired boy with his own bare hands. But still, he could make you do anything.

***

"You know you're the last person on earth that should be learning how to ride a motorcycle." He said as he looked at you angrily. "If you continue to zone out like that, I'm not letting you get on the motorcycle."

For the last 30 minutes or so, he was talking about each part of the motorcycle, and it was only normal for you to zone out, he was your crush for God's sake, and this was all so boring. "Okay, I'm sorry. Can we just... Ride it now? I'm sure I'll understand it better while I'm on it."

"What kind of stupid logic is that?" He said but stood up nevertheless. Your eyebrows furrowed when he sat on the bike and turned the engine. "What are you doing?"

"Did you think I would let you get on it alone? You're sitting behind my back first." That sentence shouldn't have made your heart beat faster, your cheeks redder, but it did anyway.

You sat on the engine, the motor roaring under you, making you feel excited, the caramel and spicy smell coming from the man in front of you taking your breath away, making you imagine things you shouldn't. Your hands rested shyly on his shoulders, his spiky hair, surprisingly soft, touching your hand.

"Hold on to me like that, and you'll be on the ground the second we leave." He said, and you had to bring your head closer to him to hear what he said, your lips almost touching his cheeks. When you didn't move, he rolled his eyes and wrapped your arms to his waist, making your heart beat even faster. You could feel his abs underneath your hands, which made your cheeks burn, and you were so grateful he couldn't see you right now.

Without even telling you he started the engine, you almost slid on the asphalt, which made your hands grip him tighter, your whole body leaning on his. "There's nothing to be afraid, dumbass." He said, feeling your tight grip.

It took you a few seconds to get used to it. It was an incredible feeling to go this fast, feeling the wind and smelling everything around you. You still tightened your grip on him every time he took a turn, but he was riding it so smoothly, you felt... Safe.

You always felt safe around him, anyway.

Without even realizing what you were doing, you leaned your chin on his shoulder, his hair tickling your face, the smell of caramel making you dizzy and you tried to etch this moment in your mind, knowing you probably won't get a chance to be this close to him ever again.

When the engine died beneath your legs, you felt a bit sad because it ended but smiled nevertheless. "That was amazing."

His chest puffed with pride, and a smirk found its place on his face. "What'd you expect?"

"Death, if we're being honest here." You said, which made his eyes narrow.

"So, my turn?"

***

“I said left!” He screamed. “This is the third fucking time you mixed your left and right! How can you even do that?” He had screamed so much, you were worried about his voice. “I just mix them, okay?!” You answered, making him even angrier.

Having Bakugou as a teacher was hard. But then again, having you as a student was probably harder.

Everyone who told you that you weren't focused enough was right. You did zone out a lot, even -and especially- while riding, which ended with you almost dying more than you could count. But Bakugou could count, and boy was he pissed.

Once when you took the sharpest turn because you zoned out and almost tossed in the wall, you knew Bakugou was going to kill you, if you didn't kill yourself first, of course. Apparently, he was thinking the same thing.

"Oi! If you have a death wish, tell it to me beforehand, and I will do it for you!" He practically screamed, his red eyes now bright with anger resembling flames.

"I'm sorry I just-"

"Don't fucking apologize! Focus!" But how could you focus when he was this close to you, looking deep in your eyes and damn did he smell good. "Yeah, sorry." You mumbled.

"One more time and I'm done with this shit." He threatened before getting away from you. "Yes, sir!" You joked, but he rolled his eyes, probably begging God to save him from you. "Look, while taking turns, use your lower half. You have to bend your hip the way you're turning so it will turn smoothly."

His eyes may have lingered on your hip a little longer than necessary.

A few hours full of almost- deaths and heart attacks past, and both of you were tired. The sun was setting, and you felt hungry, you were pretty sure he was also starving.

"So um, thanks for today. I'm kind of tired, but would you like to eat or something? There's a noodle place close enough and-"

"No." Ugh, he loved that word, didn't he?

He wore his helmet, getting ready to go back to the dorms. When you were in front of him he put your helmet on your head, his touch surprisingly soft and light.

"Thanks."

"Shut it." A long, awkward silence lingered in the air as he sat on the motorcycle. "Now, where's this noodle place?"

You couldn't hold your smile in.

~~~

It was a smooth ride, you noticed how his hips moved every time he took a turn, his body moving as if he was a part of the engine. The setting sun painted everything in red and orange tones, and it was so pretty that it took your breath away.

When you were in front of the noodle place you climbed off the motorcycle, but your legs were so shaky you couldn't find your balance and would have fallen on your knees if Bakugou hadn't hold you.

"Tch, can't even stand on your legs?"

You stuck your tongue out, acting like a child, but you didn't care. You were just happy he tagged along with you to eat.

You found a booth, he was sitting across you with a look on his face you couldn't quite understand but chose not to say anything. The whole meal he was so quiet it made you worry a little, at the very least, he was the loudest person you knew and him staying so quiet for such a long time was against his character.

When you both finished your meals and got ready to go back to your dorms, the silence went on, but you just couldn't bring yourself to ask that one question that was occupying your mind. Are we going to do this again? It wouldn't be a shock if he called quits after today. 

It was only until you came back to the dorms he broke the silence. It was such a stressful ride for you that you couldn't even enjoy the chilly night and the caramel scent coming from him. 

He looked at you as he shook his motorcycle gears off of him. "The noodles were okay, I guess." 

Your eyes widened as a giggle bubbled in your chest. So that was what he wanted to say first? You couldn't help but snort, earning a glare from him. "What the fuck is so funny?!" His anger seemed to fuel your laughs even more since you felt like your tummy was going to explode from laughing so hard. "I'm sorry- It's just..." You couldn't even talk and he finally tch'd. "Whatever, just shut up already."

"Okay,” you said, breathing deeply, “I'm good now." He didn’t say anything so you felt obligated to break the silence. "So, thanks for today- for everything. For actually bearing me and taking me as a pupil takes the first place, though." You said jokingly, and he rolled his eyes. "You're not that bad of a student I guess." You gasped as an answer to that. "The Bakugou Katsuki complimenting me? I must've died sometime today." 

He rolled his eyes once again -either he had a serious eye problem you didn't know of, or he just couldn't stand you- but this seemed like it was his 100th time today. "Yeah, yeah, whatever. Don't get used to it, dumbass. You won't be hearing any more of them the other lessons."

"Wh- What do you mean by the other lessons?" With this, his crimson eyes snapped up, looking at you with an unreadable expression. "Are you that dumb that you thought one lesson was enough? Or is it that you can't stand me so much that you would rather not ride a motorbike?" He tried to hide his hurt by looking mad, but you saw it either way.

"No! I would love you to teach me more! I just thought you would've just given up after... today. I know I'm not a good student, and you don't have time for- what was it again?" You snapped your fingers. "Extras."

He ignored your remark, he was looking at your face like he was searching for something but looked away when he saw you looking at him too. "I don't do anything half-assed. Even if you're a bad fucking student, if I told you I'll teach you, I'll fucking teach you."

That was an odd way to motivate someone, you thought, but it worked anyway. So you smiled at him and went back to your dorm, without even realizing the effect your smile had left on the angry boy.

***

You had to admit, it was a long week. Meeting with Bakugou every day after school, learning a new skill was harder than you had thought, but you secretly wished for it to never end, either.

"Can you focus for like three seconds?" An angry voice fumed behind you. "What are you thinking about anyway? This much dreaming is not healthy, you know." You decided that telling him that you were thinking about him wasn't a good idea, so you just smiled. He had brought water for the two of you, and you accepted it gladly. You hadn't even realized how late it was until then. 

The sky was a dark purple, the stars were shining brighter than ever. When Bakugou saw you looking at the sky, he scoffed. "It's getting late, wanna go back?" You shrugged, though you didn't want to go back the slightest. When you didn't say anything, he opened his water bottle.

You couldn't stop yourself from watching him drink the water -rather aggressively, too- how his adam's apple moved, his eyes fluttering with the feeling of the cold liquid going down his throat. You gulped at the sight, feeling your cheeks warming, and you drank the cold water in one go, to at least get rid of the warm feeling that was growing in your chest. 

You were so focused on the task of figuring out what the hell was this tingling sensation that went through your body every time he touched you, or why your heart beat faster he smiled so subtly, you didn't even realize Bakugou was watching you too, thinking the same thing as you.

Bakugou crushed the plastic water bottle in his hand, making you flinch with the sound, and once again focus your eyes on him. You didn't understand why he was angry now, but you stopped trying to do so after the first day. You were about to ask him what was wrong but stopped when you heard Kaminari's voice. 

He had a cheeky grin on his face as he walked towards you. "Hey, Y/n!" You smiled back, relief washing over you. "Hey, Denki! What's up?"

He shrugged. "Nothing, kinda missed you this past week, and when I saw you guys here, wanted to come and say hi." You could feel Bakugou getting angrier with every passing second, but you decided not to notice. "Oh, I missed you too." You answered when you heard Bakugou scoff, which caused Denki to giggle. "I guess I'll see you at the dorms tonight, it's getting late, though." He said as he started to walk away. 

You shrugged, staying up late with Denki was what caused you to have a non-existing sleep schedule. "Sure." You answered before turning your back at him and facing the now angrier than ever Bakugou. "So, you and Dunce face, huh? You guys a thing?"

It took you a second or two to understand what he meant, but when you did, your eyes widened, cheeks now beat red. "Oh, fuck no!" You exclaimed without thinking. His eyes widened at the curse that found it's way out of your mouth, and you thought this couldn't get any worse. "I- I mean, I love Denki, just not that way- and I got surprised when you..."

You stopped talking when you saw a smile on his face, which grew and grew until it was a full-on laugh. It was the weirdest thing, hearing Bakugou laugh. But as you watched him -in awe- as he laughed, you couldn't stop yourself from thinking that he should laugh more. It just suited him so much, how his body bent forward a little as he laughed, his eyes narrowing and almost hiding the bright red orbs. 

"That was the best fucking thing ever." He said after he calmed a little. You had started to laugh with him too, though you didn't think anything was funny, you just couldn't help yourself from laughing when he laughed. 

His eyes found yours, and you shared a look that lasted longer than it was supposed to. 

"Bakugou I-"

"Y/N, about the-" 

You both had talked at the same time, making you giggle. "You first." You said, and he snorted. "Of course me first." Okay then. "Remember the promise you made? About doing anything in return for me to teach you to ride a motorcycle?" 

You fidgeted, feeling uncomfortable with the topic. "We did have that deal, yes." He laughed at your reaction, his crimson eyes softer than you had ever seen him. You didn't know what was causing your heart to beat so fast, was it the dark sky creating a weird, romantic aura, or was it his eyes looking at you that way?

"Then I want you to do something." Why was he looking at you like this? You couldn't understand what his gaze meant, but it was so different from his harsh, angry look that you just couldn't look away. 

"If you ask me to go kill Midoriya, I'm not doing it." You answered, and he rolled his eyes. "Can you shut up for a fucking second? I'm trying to ask you out here." 

Your eyes widened, bigger than he had ever seen them, as you choked on your voice. "You what?!" 

"You fucking heard me." He scoffed, but you could see the fear in his eyes. "As your part of the deal, I want you to... Go on a date with me." He looked at you expectedly. "Or kiss me, whatever pleases you." Bakugou smirked as you punched his arm, face burning. 

"I would love to go on a date with you." You smiled, and he grinned as he tried to hide his relief. "Of course you'll go on a date with me, you promised after all." 

"Worst deal of my life." You said jokingly, but he stopped walking suddenly. Maybe it was a little too early for those jokes, you thought and tried to fix it. "I didn't really mean-"

"And you'll not go meet Dunce face tonight for whatever the fuck it is meeting for." You rolled your eyes, scoffed as you started to walk. "Oh come on, Bakugou, no need to get all jealous now."

"Jealous, my ass." He muttered, but he swung his arm over your shoulder, just in case.

[ace-mob-boss]

Bruh America is so fucking broken, like the health care system is so horrible because there are people who are uneducated, over worked and most are paid way less than deserved. And not only are most staff in the health care system not paid enough but then, products like essential medicine are more then 12 times the average amount in the rest of the world. America has the highest cost for insulin in the world for 1 vial being 98 dollars where in other places it only cost at MOST 12 dollars. And then there's the over all over charging of hospital visits that would have people rather straight up end up dead then have to pay an ambulance fee, which by the way barely even goes to the driver, and end up in life Long debt.

There's so much more wrong with the health care system but don't even get me started on this countries damn politics. Our presidents literally don't do shit but wage war and start problems. "Oh but Barack Obama" Barack Obama did shit sure but he still wasn't the best y'all just like him cus he was the first black president. I'm not bashing him but he ain't do anything so long time benefits. There is a CONSTANT power struggle in this country at all times between Republicans and Democrats when in all actuality, half the time both sides are wrong. Democrats are just more reasonable, doesn't make them right. U.S. history should teach people how to act better so as to not repeat history yet we repeat the cycle over and over and simply destroy the country from the inside. The thing about 4 term presidency or presidency in the first place is that 4 years isn't enough to do anything and once someone bad is in power such as Trump it takes the next president there entire term to fix it. The political system is entirely to corrupt and even then, there are plenty of people in the judicial system such as lawyers who are underpaid.

Also, America's over all debt problem is insane due to it all being either student debt, hospital debt or bank loans. People shouldn't have to pay to earn an education to help people around them and create art and Express themselves and over all Learn and then be put into student debt that takes DECADES to pay off, scholarship or not. Like it's just insane.

Then there's the other problem with how many people are in poverty and homeless simply because you won't tax billionaires. And even then the banking system is fundamentally set up to be more expensive for poor people. Did you know, that if you have a bad credit score you have to pay more and faster for different things such as cars. And are trusted less. Jobs pay so little sometimes that people can barely survive. Did you know that America is the only place without paid maternity leave, the pure lack of free time in this day and age is even worse then anything we've seen in history.

This country works people till they burn out and die without even giving out livable wage until they are begged and sued. Billionaires/millionaires are allowed to constantly gain money they don't need to use as people starve on the streets and then treat other people as if they're stupid.

Society is also set up for minorities such as disabled people to fail or people with mental illness, deadlines and the abundance of restrictions is bad for minorities and most people in general. Laws are in place that over all disregard most disabled people's rights or people on the autism spectrum. Which is insane.

And then there's the problem with firearms, unsafe products and drugs. The drug problem can't be fixed unless the country is fixed, drugs are relied on because of how bad life is. People don't choose drugs over a happy life, they have a relatively shitty life and find something to make it not hurt as bad, this is scientifically proven multiple times. Plenty of companies put in as many harmful chemicals and ingredients into consumer products that damage everyone without care because of a want for money. Firearms shouldn't be so easy to obtain for teens to get them or racists to shoot whoever they dislike and kill innocents.

Then there are people jailed for things that they don't deserve out of pure discrimination that doesn't come to light for decades and when it does no one does anything even when the public recognizes how horribly discriminatory it was.

There's also another problem with the world in which once the moment you turn 18 and graduate high school in which you've been regulated and monitored and been made to adapt to a specific environment you are then instantaneously supposed to make huge life changing systems and wanting to simply relax can make you lag behind so easily is insane. There's overall a problem in education with homework in some places because of the stress it puts on many. Grades don't determine someone's worth or knowledge yet it can decide your entire life. You can be bad at difficult math such as calculus and physics but since you were in the class and failed you most likely won't get into a college you like.

Then There's the fact that throughout history we repeatedly don't follow other countries and then ruin our country as we are now, school should not have been opened so quickly, America reopened repeatedly until it got bad again.

Inconsequencly, there are plenty of easy enough solutions to climate change and pollution such as mainly suing electric cars, using energy generated by natural source such as hydraulics, pneumatic energy or even solar panels which are good for the economy. Plastic bottles and recycling can help plenty of people simply actually recycled.

There's also the problem with sexism motivating a lot of problems like the abortion laws or some school dress codes. The abortion laws cause people who shouldn't have children be forced to have children and that's how things like serial killers are created. People who don't want children or can't afford them or even were a rape victim might out the child in foster care, up for adoption, put them through abuse or child neglect all negatively effecting children's growing patterns, mental state and emotional growth.

Overall this country needs a revolution of some sort and the old generation to learn new ways or die out but also for this newer generation to be better educated.

There is to much ignorance in the current generation such as with how some of the believe it's funny to be homophobic or racist when it's obviously offensive, or toxic masculinity causing plenty of problems for men and women and how people online tend to post about what could possibly even trigger them for the world and oftentimes ruin their reputation easily with one post.

[rpbetter]

Urgh. Okay, full disclosure, I haven't been on tumblr much over the last week or so, because I was one of the people that Raven initially called out after the COAR mess, and it was in the interest of my own mental health to fuck off for a while so I didn't stress myself out into oblivion. So I'm scrolling through most of this stuff for the first time, and talking to other people who were targeted. And pardon my French here, but I'm fucking disgusted at the lengths Raven has gone to assert themselves as a victim, how many people they've affected, and the waving around of something as serious as suicide for brownie points.

I have sympathy for people who overinterpret things in a strictly emotional and mental sense (actual reactions aside) because they lack the maturity. There's always a reason for that, and it's not their fault. And I have sympathy for people if they legitimately feel suicidal. That, too, isn't their fault. If I hadn't been blocked, I would've reported Raven in case their claims were true as well, because yeah, I don't mess around with that stuff either. But what's unacceptable is how Raven acted on those sentiments and behaved towards others, even after people tried to provide perspective. How Raven claimed to be done with the drama, but continued inciting it; how they claimed to be suicidal and had left tumblr, but wrote what amounts to a "fuck you" in their header and were still putzing around on their blog, and were apparently still editing their posts until as late as today; how they claimed to have deleted but only changed the url; how they weaponized all of this stuff and used it as a tool for guilt-tripping. Like, come on. It's okay if you're down in the dumps, but it's not okay to treat innocent people like garbage, and carpet bomb half the RPC. To me, it really feels like there was an intent to weaponize all of their hurt, offense, anger, and suicidal ideations, despite the possibility it did come from somewhere genuine, and that's so harmful to anyone who is actually struggling with depression.

Every time someone weaponizes mental illness in this way, it just makes people more and more apathetic the next time someone is genuinely just hurting, and saying they feel like they're at the end of their rope. And it makes people suspicious of whether those words are being used maliciously, or legitimately. That suspicion and that association is now there, unconscious or not. And every time this kind of stuff happens, the association gets stronger. What happens if Raven does this again? Some people will still report, but some people might just scoff and walk away - people who might've actually acted before. So in a way, that kind of behaviour impacts Raven as much as it impacts other people.

And you know what? They're not the only one dealing with serious shit. I've been suffering from MDD for the last fifteen years, and I've been in the process of changing medications and having little success for months. I've been going through hell offline. I have a shit list of people I want to yell at because they're dragging their feet on really important things I need to function; I'm constantly running a deficit on spoons. Until a week or so ago, roleplay was one of the only ways I could unwind. So for Raven to bully me by sticking that stupid post in my tags, because they needed to make a scene on COAR, which I was obviously going to comment on (like many other people), then to "like" an unsubstantiated callout about me and other innocent people related to that mess, it's only worsened my own mental health. It sounds melodramatic, but really. Someone else mentioned this too, but the fear of being in another callout, and the fear of that first callout somehow exploding, was in the back of my mind all week, despite being away from tumblr. So that was a little anxiety-inducing, much as I tried not to think about it.

And I'm debating whether to return now, or take more time off, and I have no idea what to do. Because that callout post is still in my blog's tag. I'm freaking out because I was planning on approaching some people to roleplay, which is something I rarely ever do, but now I'm concerned that I'll contact someone, they'll look at my tag to get an idea of my writing/partners/who I am, and see the callout post, and immediately dismiss me because even seeing the word "callout" on its own will send up red flags, by unconscious association with more impactful drama. And as long as that callout is up, these fears are going to be there.

That's just not fair.

And Raven's "apology" is completely unacceptable. Like you and others said, it doesn't reach anyone who needs to hear it, because they've all been blocked. I would fucking love an apology if it came from a place of honesty, but am I going to receive one? Probably not. And even for the followers who can still see that apology, it doesn't address anything. It isn't directed to anyone in particular. It doesn't mention the specific behaviours that were wrong on their part. And miss me with the "my intentions were good" part. No, they weren't; going around blocks and sticking shit in peoples' tags is vindictive and entirely intentional in all the worst ways, and shame on them for pretending otherwise, and by leading with such a poor example for many roleplayers, some of whom are in their teens. One of the people who tried to message Raven (they, too, were called out on Raven's blog) was speaking to a nineteen-year old who was completely clueless about the extent of the manipulation Raven was pulling. They thought all of it was normal and acceptable behaviour. That genuinely terrifies me. And while I imagine if Raven was genuinely apologetic, they would've gone to the callout blog and ask them to delete the callout post (attempt it, at the very least), somehow, I don't think that would've happened given all of their prior actions. God forbid something else is going on there.

Phew. Yeah, I'm angry. Maybe I'm just biased and tired. But honestly, I have a right to be. Raven's apology is a handwave, and they know it. It's a slap in the face to me, to you, and to everyone else who was involved in this clusterfuck. They're not the center of the universe. They affected real people, with real problems of their own. Anyways, I am so sorry for this, argh. Really had to get this out, and I didn't want to dump it on discord or somewhere else; I sure as heck didn't want to go to COAR with it. But hey, maybe people here will feel less alone if I added my own account to the mix. The more, the merrier? In a sense, anyways. Sometimes if you feel like you've been singled out, it's nice to know you're not actually the only person it's happened to.

Sorry for saving your reply for last, Anon. It's such an important one, I wanted to be properly thoughtful!

I think that it is going to make some people feel less alone, and there is always some relief in sharing one's trials. That might be especially true when one has been unable to share them anywhere else. It's not like you can address this on your own blog right now, COAR is definitely not a safe place to do so, it's a very isolating feeling that is made worse for having done nothing.

Coming back and being required to wade through this shit was really damn disgusting to me as well, but at least in my case, I had neither been obliged to distance myself for the sake of mental health nor was I treated to the sickening display of drumming up ideas of victimization from someone who victimized me. What I experienced was just incredulity and disgust, I cannot imagine how incensing this must be for you, I am so very sorry. If it makes me angry having a degree of removal and watching in it real time? What you're experiencing...there really isn't a single word to adequately encapsulate that, I'm sure.

You've still expressed so many of the things I've thought and felt. I found all that initial behavior uncalled for, shameful, yet another display of what's actually wrong in the RPC, but it was increasingly upsetting to me the more I looked into it because it did feel a little (a lot) too reminiscent of the sort of bullying experienced in person. It's really something else to be viciously picked at by someone who keeps upping the game until such point as it begins to cause them trouble, then get to be painted the wrongdoer and punished in some way for it because they're presenting as a sympathetic victim. A more sympathetic victim than you, that's really what I mean, I'm just going to say it.

And that was already in swing by the time I got from the launch point to the smoking crater of then current events. I got to Raven's again after bouncing back and forth between their interactions with others, largely from COAR, yes, and the shit on the callout blog...to see...everyone else being blamed in increasingly drastic ways.

Because on tumblr, unlike reality, if you throw out enough times ahead of time that you have disorders people can get behind, you're more sympathetic, not less. So long as one has set that foundation and has others to broadcast it once convenient, any horrible action one undertakes is given a pass. Anyone disagreeing, anyone not tolerating the abuse, is in the wrong now. In the worst possible way, of course.

This whole thing began with incredibly unnecessary bullshit and every, I mean fucking every, further action taken was a new level of fucked up, but the trivializing of and damage done to the perception of mental health and differences is quite possibly the worst. Are those things that need any more of that? It's already such a problem! I already see suspicion and fatigue with this, every time it's given validation, it grows.

Even if I wasn't mentally ill, with one of the disorders that gets vilified even on tumblr, even if I were not autistic, even if I never knew a single person who suffered worse than I do from the the complications they won by way of being born, hadn't anyone I loved that took their lives, this would be extremely upsetting to me. Using the idea that "whatever I do, it's got to be acceptable because I am X" while not caring that anyone else is X, Y, and/or Z. Weaponizing it for bullying and sympathy simultaneously. Way too much. Incredibly gross and harmful, legitimately fucking problematic.

I want people to be taken seriously when they choose to speak of the boundaries their mental health requires, I want muns to be able to say that they are having a difficult time without it coming off (even to the rest of us with mental health conditions) as a ploy for attention/guilting for whatever action they desire be taken by partners, and I want people to take threats of oncoming, serious harm seriously. How are they to do this, when it is continually used as tool or weaponized against others? At very best, it becomes another thing to ignore and scroll by on the dash.

As we've all had the misfortune to experience or witness so recently, once it is weaponized, it's a problem of priority. I've said in damn near every message I've gotten that Raven isn't the only person involved here who has serious shit going on, but like the absurdity with trying to spin an accident as transphobia, or having the audacity to attempt speaking from a place of peace in a way that might benefit everyone, Raven included, resulting in a callout about being against ND people...it doesn't matter. Doesn't matter that any of us are neurodivergent, have serious chronic mental health complications, or are not cisgender. Raven was swinging that around like a flaming sword to drive off bigots real and imagined before we ever got their attention.

Attention they fucking asked for.

Reblogging that post from COAR was just like posting those rules. The intention was to get attention, and it was asked for with extreme hostility. I have no idea how that is coming off to anyone as simply them defending themselves. It was a great moment to either not out themselves as the person in the confession at all, not engage with it, quietly remove the post, or to reblog it and take responsibility in a meaningful way at that point. Can you imagine what a difference that would have made then? If Raven had chosen instead to reblog it and apologize for doing what they had. Just that. No shitty, snide little comments about how they're sorry, but still absolutely correct and here are five reasons why everything they've misconstrued won't be tolerated. Just an acknowledgment of wrongdoing, an apology for doing so, and awareness gained moving forward.

Their decision to interact with that post in the way they did wasn't just more of the same nonsense, it was actively upping the game. I don't really care if it was intentional bait or just continuing to let malicious impulse run free, it was used as bait. Everyone who interacted with that post was effectively consigning themselves to harassment, and if they happened to interact on literally any other topic that group held a passionately opposing opinion on, they were attacked for it. Curiously, it became necessary for them to be harassed by way of the callout blog, but that is getting a little close to off-topic, so, I'll leave it at that.

So, while I initially really wanted to have the appeal to Raven work because their expressions of regret that I was greatly on the fence about being genuine, I'd say those flags were accurate. I cannot believe that someone who took every opportunity to do the wrong thing is genuinely sorry. Sorry for themselves, absolutely, sorry for anything they did, not so much. This constant narrative I got of "they SAID they were sorry" and "they apologized again and again and took the posts down," including from Raven, is incredible. On that last one, they, yet again, couldn't actually address me.

Appropriate response: messaging me or reblogging that post (you know, the rules snippet I found right the hell there still, despite the claim of it being deleted and the final catalyst of me needing to say something after I saw that, nope, surely was not) with the acknowledgment of a single thing I said.

Extra appropriate response: ^ plus going to everyone who could still be located that they harmed with a genuine, individual, private apology.

Inappropriate response that was had: new post, shitty, childish tone like they at once wanted to argue with me and didn't want to drop the act, restating of this apology that had already been deleted and meant exactly shit while it existed, restating of how they deleted this post and couldn't control reblogs, ignoring that I literally reblogged the original copy from their blog.

Apology neither believed nor accepted. Just as it wouldn't be if my nephew came to my house, broke a bunch of my things, said he was sorry while throwing the pieces at my pet, then threw himself on the floor screaming that he said he was sorry when I told him to go have a time out.

(Yes, I absolutely did just make a comparison to a child, y'all can shit yourselves again. It's not my problem if you want to misconstrue "this person's actions are not befitting of an adult" as "Vespertine said autistic people are children!" Fucking miss me with that. I'm an autistic adult who pays my bills, apologizes, doesn't treat people like shit while trying to excuse it by being ND. You're offensive with that shit, and contributing to the negative perception people have of those on the spectrum. Be a good ally today! Don't valid that! Free ninety-nine offer!)

Again, sorry for yourself does not equal being sorry for what you've done. The former can contribute to the development of the latter, but as I said in a response yesterday, there has been no display of that beginning to transpire. I genuinely hope that will eventually be the case because that would be the best outcome, the only "best" outcome at this point. Even if it was two years from now, if it did happen, I certainly would not be kind to people refusing them any such growth in peace, and I hope that, by some distant chance, I get to prove that.

But...stating "my intentions were good" over any part of this is not remotely promising. When? Where? At what point? Oh, right, when you took it upon yourself to label a random mun you took issue with. That's when your intentions were good. Then, when you vehemently needed to defend that point by callouts and individual attacks under the guise of it definitely not being about your pride, no! It was the defense of everyone else! Defending the community by carpet-bombing it, yes. This is not a "the path to Hell is paved with good intentions" situation.

I am so disturbed about the nineteen-year-old mun, my god. I'm telling y'all, my anger and disgust almost reach what I think is a pinnacle, then there's something new like this.

I don't even subscribe to tumblr's ideology that anyone under twenty-five is an actual infant who needs be kept in a protective bubble and forgiven for all bad behavior with infinite kindness, nineteen-year-olds deserve the agency of the adultier adults they are becoming, but it is a transitional age. Especially today. Most socialization and formative ideas take place online, and by the time younger RPers are entering the adult sphere of RP here, they've already got some really unhealthy ideas. About themselves, about others. There is such a demand for rabidly performative action that gets internalized, it shouldn't be being heartily fed by people in the community they might look up to.

At that age, someone like Raven is going to be a person looked up to. They espouse all the right ideas, and it's an age in which aggressive interaction over those things is seen as amusing and correct, no matter how wrong the actions taken are or the basis upon which they are founded. When these people foster an environment of cruelty for questioning, of course, that is not going to be the natural response. The response is now going to be the requirement of being told otherwise with adequate proof.

I have suspected that many of the hateful anons I've gotten were from Raven's even younger followers who feel like it's normal, acceptable, and that everything they're being told by Raven's sales team over at the callout blog is absolutely true. Of course, they're now morally obligated to come harass me for the things they were told I did! I think it's likely that several of the anons people got were from actual minors, which is so many levels of scary and irresponsible. Really great example all around, yes!

Because whether it is one's intention or not, that is potentially exposing minors, or muns who are still close enough to be more negatively impacted, to who even knows what. As well as violating the rules of blogs who do not interact with minors for good reason, setting those blogs up for yet another callout for treating someone they didn't know was a minor the way they did or having "freak shit" on their blog. Setting up the other party to be treated with full hostility as an adult would be. Very cool, very responsible.

There is just so much here that is unacceptable, I don't think people who were not directly impacted or have never had a callout against them understand the results, and that is one more unacceptable thing you've been good enough to talk about.

Even while taking a break from the RPC, it affects you negatively. Wondering what you're coming back to, your blog is no longer a safe feeling space, and there's nothing you can do to "cultivate your blog" to change that. They've taken away the ability to simply block and avoid others, the thing that keeps all of us comfortable here as well as allowing that to be all of us no matter how disagreeable we might be to each other. Callouts negate adult behavior. Callouts mean that one doesn't know where more potential for harassment might be coming from, or how long we might have to be worried about that.

It would be a major concern for me as well about what putting myself out there to new writing partners might bring. What the success of that might be. It's incredibly unfair that they've made finding new people precarious and more unpleasant than it can be anyway. That puts all of the future of your RP here in question, and if you're like me, just dropping a muse, picking up another, and moving to a new URL isn't going to be a good choice for you. It isn't that simple if you dedicate time to a muse for a long period of time, when that's the case, that's the RP you want to do and have laid the groundwork for.

I don't know if it will help at all, but it has seemed to me, over the past several days, that there are fewer people in the RPC who are inclined to believe or support callouts than there once was. I was hoping that was the case, since there is always so much interaction on my posts against callout culture, but until this crap went down, I had no idea just how many people are not positive toward it. It has seemed to be that the people who are inclined to listen to callouts are just louder.

I've also noticed that those people have the same set of red flags, so maybe sharing that will help you or others?

They don't have simple, basic, reasonable Do Not Interacts. It isn't simply asking that minors don't interact because the mun is over eighteen, that muns writing a triggering topic not interact, or that sort of thing. No, it's URL dropping of specific muns, outright links to callouts or "receipts," and an accusatory tone about any topics or types of muns who shouldn't interact. Such as "nasty ass proshippers" or "pedo apologists shipping incest."

Their rules are reflective this as well. A statement cannot be made that they do not write, let's say, toxic ships and left at that. There will be some morality wank present about normalizing or romanticizing toxic/abusive relationships.

There are less assured flags, but literally, anything that stands out as an interest in RPC or fandom-based activism as opposed to an interest in writing, their muses, or even their friendships with a variety of muns. I don't mean a rounded-out interest in things, I really do mean a glaring predominance of buzzword-laden reblogs and PSA's while they've not written a reply, headcanon, or answered a meme in months.

I'm not saying any of that because I feel like you, or anyone else's, judgment is terrible or that you're oblivious to warning signs! It's just that when we've experienced bad situations, it can compromise our ability to see clearly. It becomes easy to see a potential threat everywhere, and maybe that seems contrary, but it's then easy to fail to see real threats from those we're blowing up. We question whether we're being just as judgmental as the people who wronged us, putting words in other muns' mouths and thoughts in place of their own as was done to us. While we still are afraid to be wrong in giving someone an in to ruining our time again.

So, please, don't feel like I'm questioning your intelligence or speaking from a place of ultimate knowledge, never making mistakes in such a choice! I just really hate that you, and many others, are going through this, and anything at all that I can think of that might help you move forward from this utter bullshit you've been through, I've got to try to grab it.

Because, Anon, like all those sharing their experiences these last few days, you sound like the kind of mun we need in the RPC.

You're someone willing to share with others for the benefit of others. You're being honest about your feelings of anger and even the hopeless sensation of whether it's even worth it to try to return, having your progress on and offline stomped on, while still maintaining a sort of fairness and calm that I know is not easy. Because that's the mature thing to do, it's the right thing, and unfortunately, those are usually the harder things to do as well.

You did the right thing in expressing your opinion and doing what people like Raven's group love to be on about, can only do through bullying: not tolerating it. I'd hate for the RPC to lose someone like you!

Just as your message matters to more people out there than myself, I have no doubt that your choice to not quietly allow this behavior mattered to more muns than you'll ever know. I'm sure that none of them would have wanted this result for you, but so many muns have experienced such toxic, bullying behavior over the years in which not a soul spoke up.

Many of you proved something very important with challenging Raven and the callouts blog, that unlike them, it isn't necessary for good people to even know each other to do the right thing. They have to dogpile and engage in cliquish behavior, what they do isn't coming from a place of inner ethics and strength, but what you all did? It's the opposite.

So, not only do I thank you again for sharing and providing the important support of simply not being alone to others, I thank you for being the example to the RPC that people dealing in callouts and generalized shaming cannot be, no matter their platform.

I hope that, whether you choose to remain, leave, or take a very long break, everything you've been dealing with starts to look up. I know it's easy to say things made hollow for their repetition and flippant use, like telling you not to let them win, or that their bullshit just isn't that important. So, I'm not going to say them.

It doesn't work that way when you're dealing with mental health concerns! You can logically know that this is just petty bullshit not worth being run out of something important to you, but that doesn't stop the worry, frustration, or depression. You can have all the determination in the world to hang in there, even the spite to back it up, but neither is a match for the things you cannot control coming from your brain. That is the cruelty of mental illness on the very best of days.

You have all of my respect, support, and genuine sympathy that this happened to you. No one should be allowed to continually and unapologetically go out of their way to throw a wrench into someone's hard-won progress. You did nothing to deserve this, and the people out there worth interacting with are going to be the same ones who will have no question of that.

Lastly, I also hope that some of the anons sharing their experiences have helped you feel less alone, or like you're not just irrationally upset. Please know that you're seen and supported as well! And that you are always welcome to talk more, vent, share successes here.

Thank you, Anon.

[fnafslinky]

Fazbear Frights 1-9 review.

Into The Pit:

Slow and meandering during the first half but picks up speed after Spring Bonnie shows up. Good message and good idea, but the execution could be better. 6/10

To Be Beautiful:

This story is so full of fluff, you can cut out like 60% of it and lose nothing. I know it's going for a fairy tale thing with the repetition and all, but fairy tales do that because it's made for children. Repetition is to train a child's brain to remember better. These books are aimed at teenagers, so this narrative device is not needed. On top of that, it has unfortunate implications of "Not like other girls" memes that we don't need to revisit. Only saved by its creepy af ending. 3/10

Count The Ways:

Legitimately my favorite story out of FNAF and one of my favorites of all time. It fixed the previous story's Not Like Other Girls problems by having the goth main character hate the pretty blonde and being called out for not even knowing her and being shallow. It is actually surprising to have these two stories be back to back.

The narrative device of switching back and forth between the MC facing her death and how she got up to that point means it keeps your interest throughout that the previous two stories had problems with. It makes for great drama and tension.

The main reason I love this story in particular is because of this exchange near the end:

“Silly Millie, for someone who doesn’t want to die you sure spent a lot of time talking about it,” the voice surrounding her said. “But that’s the way of things, isn’t it? Talk is always easier than action.”

“I think,” Millie said, sniffling, “that when I said I wanted to die, what I really wanted was to escape. I didn’t want death. I just wanted my life to be different.”

“Oh, but that really takes action, doesn’t it?”

And, if I can be real for a minute: I feel like that kinda changed my life. Or very least, my point of view.

As someone who has made attempts on his life before and frequently battles depression- It made my problems so much less overwhelming. Of course I didn't want to die. I wanted my life my life to improve. And now whenever the thought of suicide passes through my head, I just remember this phrase and it helps me keep it together and calm down.

And also F.Freddy's follow up with having to work for happiness is spot on too. Misery is comfortable, that's why so many people prefer it. Happiness takes effort. 10/10

Fetch:

I'm in the minority for not caring for this one. I felt like there wasn't any direction or character arc, I didn't find Fetch particularly scary or interesting, and the MC makes a lot of dumb decisions in it.

That being said, I love how it jumps right into the action instead of taking awhile to get to it like the other stories did. The stories tend to play out like a different book and then FNAF characters are slapped in at the end. This one gets right to it and makes it integral to its plot. 6/10

Lonely Freddy:

Another one I really love. The Frights series has a good traction with its tragedies and this one is no exception. I really connected with the feeling of being pitted against your siblings, usually by accident and circumstance with your parents. Particularly this line:

“Maybe you’ve made them what they are,” Aunt Gigi said, pausing for a moment before adding: “Hazel’s the easy one. Alec is the hard one. It’s like you put them on their own little islands.”

I wasn't Alec, but Hazel in this situation. And it made me realize what my sibling went through because of it.

And this is another story where Freddy's is more integral to the plot too, and one of the few times it's not already abandoned.

I really like how well done Alec's back and forth he had with himself whether to befriend his sister or not. It's a believable character arc when he realizes his mistake at the end unlike another story that we'll get to.

And the fact they made a God damn teddy bear legitimately creepy is a mastery of horror writing that I can only ever hope to strive for. Definitely the scariest in Frights 2. 9/10

Out Of Stock:

I agree with Dawko that this one feels best to make a 30 minute special out of. It feels like a Halloween special or creepypasta you would watch/read as a preteen. Old enough to want to explore more mature stuff, but young enough to still have more cartoony stuff be familiar. And I mean that as 100% a positive.

I also like how this one is a bit more comedy based. Like the scene where the MC gets thrown across the room after electrocuting himself and his friends dont even notice. I can picture that bit so clearly.

The climax is the best part of having a dire game of Red Light, Green Light with the Plushtrap Chaser. It's very energized and exciting that the other stories don't have as often because the subject matter doesn't lend itself to it.

The trend in these stories of kids learning to appreciate their parents, and they're parents realizing they have to sacrifice some stuff to make their child happy is very sweet. And it's no different here. 8/10

1:35 AM

What I like about this series is that you never know where its gonna go from story to story. I though for certain this story was about how the doll was gonna have an evil spirit possessing it.

But no, what actually happened is that it's never made clear if the MC is losing her mind, being haunted, or just seeing stuff because she's sleep deprived. That ambiguity makes the book a lot creepier and sadder because you don't know how this poor woman should be helped. And it ends without any clarification. That's great and a perfect idea for horror story.

That being said, Scott's writing quirks (and it's definitely Scott doing it, I can tell) of front loading info, constantly stopping the flow to have backstory and over explaining things that don't need makes it frustrating to read after several books of it. And we're not done with that either. 9/10

Room For One More:

I skipped over all the dream sequences because it adds nothing to the story. Its great you remember Sister Location, but it feels like you don't trust your audience to read a FNAF story if there isn't animatronics every couple pages. And honestly? Understandable.

I do know based on my own FNAF comic, pages featuring humans is a lot less popular than the ones featuring animatronics. And I get it, you're a bunch of furries it's more interesting to visualize. And you can go in the opposite direction and have very little FNAF stuff when they're needs to be more. The New Kid doesn't even bring it up til the last third.

But I digress. The strongest qualities in Room For One More is three points.

The location is very vividly described. The underground security office with steel walls, the radiation disposals, the musky scent. It paints a clear and unique picture.

The main character's fallen arc of self care and distrust of others is a well done cautionary tale. It goes hand in hand with the speech before of having to work for happiness, and the difficulties there are from even trying. But you still need to do it.

The body horror is not as visually disgusting as it could've been, and more conceptually horrifying. But if you have a fear of bugs in your skin or crawling in your mouth, prepare for something so much worse! And no, that's not a spoiler, it's pretty obvious where its going from the beginning. 7/10

The New Kid:

This one was disappointing. This is not the way to do a tragedy, because I don't care about the MC.

Throughout the entire story, the main character has literal sociopath tendencies. He is controlling of other people, he doesn't have any empathy, he sees other people as tools to use, he kills a bird and doesn't care- So at the end when he accidentally kills someone, I don't believe him feeling bad about it. And I sure as shit don't care about his death after him leaving his victim to die, while he was still breathing, and not coming back for a week.

Also the twist at the end makes no God damn sense and I'm not even gonna dignify it.

A better tragedy would've been his friend, Mick, getting into trouble for the murder after refusing to ever stand up to the MC. Or even the MC being betrayed by him last minute for him to learn how his shit behavior really screwed him over. But the end result ended up being an unsatisfying mess. 2/10

I'll review the 4th's books with 5 and 6, since I'm sticking with a three at a time theme and because I haven't read 4 yet.

[sunnykeysmash]

S14's theme of Trust: How Global Warming reaffirms the Macden meta we already know

Or, a half reworked set of discussions from my Twitter about the underlying themes of FAITH/TRUST and CHANGE present in this season. Particularly between macden because I don't give a damn for the rest. Sidenote: my twitter thread about trust that takes up half of this post was actually written BEFORE GW came out, and despite that it got reinforced thanks to GW meta.

I apologize in advance if the reading isn't as fluid as it could be, it's hard to order the threads in a single cohesive explanation but I still tried my best. Plus, english isn't my first language.

This post contains speculation that links to my previous meta posts, tagged under "iasip meta". That's where I discuss the theme of change more in detail, not here. They're a little outdated in terms of episode prediction but the meta analysis in them holds up and was reinforced in GW.

The bible = Trust/Faith

So, how does faith/trust get in the way of their relationship? Who has it, who doesn't?

Let's address it. This might be long but bear with me I guess. First we need to address what broke their trust.

North Dakota

(aka the element that broke the link of trust between macden for good, from which they are still trying to recover; and how we got there; their shift in dynamic because of it and how it's a vicious cycle that feeds itself until a breaking point, with no possibility for rational discussion. "How Mac will reject Dennis as a final test to restore their trust")

Part 1: how it affected Dennis

It is my understanding that dennis has been left profoundly scarred by how his decision to leave to north dakota went and he has been blaming the gang for failing to stop him from leaving, and especially blaming Mac. Which lead to the events in Chokes.

Where he felt frustrated at Mac for doing everything Dennis says and never going against him. He's constantly pushing him and being abrasive because he wishes for him to snap and act on his own volition.

Because aside from feeling like he can't trust anyone, and like no one in the gang cares for him, he most of all feels like he can't trust himself. He has been scarred by the consequences of his own actions, and doesn't know what else he might do that could have a similar effect.

Of course a person who can't really trust himself would feel paralyzed, they would not act or do anything. Which is why we are moving away from that, slowly. We need to have this progression in order for Dennis to Realize anything at all.

So Chokes as an episode is sort of a milestone, it runs really deep in multiple overarching events and developments. It's not just fixing macden's dynamic, it's beginning to fix a core problem that stops dennis from reaching macden and that has been prominent at least ever since Tends Bar.

It's something that has been going on in the background for a while, that is touched upon sometimes. Dennis desperately wants the gang to care about him.

So when he is surprised by the RPG on the day that for him is most emblematic of the gang not caring, I think it hit deeper than what we're assuming. His feelings were challenged.

DDL is a result of many things. On the surface it's him wanting to be a dad for his child the way Frank never could for him. I think it was also a test though. If they truly cared, they would stop him. They wouldn't want him to go away.

Now. They don't. That stings. Then things possibly go south in North Dakota. That also stings. It's easy to mentally connect the two and realize the hurt he's experiencing. "If they had stopped me, none of this would've happened" I assume is the correlation he made mentally.

So then he probably thought about Mac, and the gesture he made. He thought that meant something, but then him, like the rest of the gang, did nothing. So he's even more angry at him. "For a moment I really thought he cared, why wouldn't he do something?" Betrayal.

So that to me explains why he's been acting like shit towards Mac. And he's been slowly trying to work through his feelings on the matter, as S13 sorta showed initially, with him not wanting to address it at all for a while, and when he tried again no one cared. He's been trying.

I wonder if it's a possibility that, as we reach the resolution to this circumstance, he will try to bring it up again. I wouldn't count on it necessarily, but character wise it would simply make sense. If he's getting over the problem, he's leaving ND behind. He should, I mean.

Part 2: how it affected Mac

But this isn't just a circumstance that hinders Dennis, it has deeply afflicted Mac too, in a way that is just as personal. "No matter what I do for a person, they can still choose to leave me", it is no wonder to see that side of him exacerbated, then.

Before ND, Mac trusted Dennis' words, enough to let him leave if he said he wanted to, even if it hurt. Before ND, Dennis trusted that Mac would always "be there to catch him if he faltered", that he cared, especially after the RPG moment.

These were true. They could always count on each other, trust each other. ND changed everything, and altered their dynamic in a way that we are still feeling, and still trying to remedy. That Mac and Den especially are still desperately trying to remedy.

They /want/ to go back to their codependent dynamic, they /need/ to. But the way they are desperately trying to is only making things worse and worse, and it's a terrible cycle.

[ The more Dennis rejects Mac in hope that Mac will finally go against him, the more Mac is desperately trying to appease Dennis so that he won't leave him, the more Dennis is annoyed and dissatisfied of Mac's submissive behavior and becomes more abrasive in return. ]

Which is why I think discussing that event is a necessity in order for macden to even happen at all. They theoretically need a face to face conversation to resolve these core insecurities that are getting in the way of their friendship (and possibly more).

It doesn't have to be a romantic thing either, it is just necessary for this conflict to be addressed in order for their dynamic to go back to normal. But that can't happen without a breaking point. We know them enough to assume that they're not gonna just discuss it rationally. It would be the correct way to handle the situation, but they're not like that.

Whether everything resolves positively (as in, their dynamic finally shifting back to before ND) depends on how much they want to stay together and what they are willing to sacrifice or compromise for it. Whether certain grievances can be stronger than their bond itself (and I'm pretty sure they can't, or mac and den would've parted already, long ago).

Mac's internal conflict is likely what will make it so that we have to wait a year. If it just isn't resolved, then he would want proof that Dennis isn't /just saying/ stuff. Den might assure him that he isn't but is that enough for Mac?

How do you resolve a conflict that is basically just a huge almost debilitating fear of abandonment and mistrust of the other person's words? In what way can you possibly prove it wrong?

We know Mac loves Dennis, of course he does. But does he trust Dennis? The way he has been behaving towards him tells me otherwise. He doesn't stand up to him.

Not only that but, more specifically, he's always "interpreting" everything Dennis says, you can see it in Texts for example. He knows den never means what he says, and always has an ulterior motive or hidden meaning. He doesn't take den's rejections at heart too much because he knows they're fake.

So now imagine Dennis has a change of heart. Now he goes to Mac, and he tells him Exactly How He Truly Feels. Knowing the way Mac is used to interpreting Dennis, I don't think he'd believe him. He'd want to, but he probably couldn't.

And I don't think Mac even realizes this lack of trust at all. I think it's gonna hit him exactly as it's happening. He might feel happy at first, then be confused at his sense of uneasiness like he's been used and lied to, like Dennis is saying it to manipulate him.

But that's just for words. Physically speaking, I think Mac is very much aware that Dennis has no intention of ever leaving again, nor can he really. That's how it seemed to be in tggr at least.

The abandonment Mac is afraid of is purely emotional at this point with Dennis. It doesn't need to be a "what if he moves out". More of a "what if he doesn't like me anymore and is using me".

So anyway, about the cycle I mentioned earlier.

This feels like a build up. They can't go on like this forever, they will reach a breaking point. I don't expect them to have an honest and open and calm confrontation and solve their differences before a huge snap of both of them happens, I expect the snap.

You know, either Dennis gets too abrasive and Mac finally "snaps out of him", or Mac gets too submissive and Dennis grows tired of him.

However thanks to Chokes and now Global Warming, we can safely predict it'll be the first one. Chokes set us on a path of Mac making his own decisions, which thanks to GW we know will backfire.

They'll fight, Dennis will be overwhelmed by it as Mac ""leaves"", more on that later, first let me finish my discussion on trust.

I find it suspicious how all the episodes with a semblance of resolution that we have had so far only seemed to fix Dennis' conflicts with Macden. We have failed to address Mac's lack of trust in Dennis' words, even in Texts I think. Especially in Texts.

In Texts it wasn't communication that solved the problem, it was an act, a stare. And we only ever heard Dennis' side of it. Mac at this point already believes that Dennis likes him, so there was nothing new for him to discover at the end.

If anything, it reinforced his belief that Dennis says the opposite of what he thinks, that he isn't honest. Because despite how he's been acting all day, he still saw affection in his eyes, I assume.

But Mac has already always paid attention to what Dennis "really meant", I mean, he does it throughout Texts, thought in the wrong way because it was still through text (miscommunication) and he didn't like to consider the alternative.

I put "really meant" in quotations because Dennis doesn't really work like that. Sure a lot of times Dennis doesn't say what he really means so of course Mac would start interpreting him like that, but there are still many times when he's actually honest. This is just Mac's black and white way of seeing den.

Anyway.

As a result of not feeling heard, Dennis actually developed a heavier and more frequent use of sarcasm. Because if people won't do what he says, then maybe if he says the opposite they'll listen to him. It's a reflex born out of frustration.

Back to the "trust" thing now, because see, all this time Dennis has been acting under the underlying assumption that Mac will choose Him every time. Mac doesn't have this assumption, he has been acting to Prevent Dennis from NOT choosing him.

It's gonna be really interesting, if this turns out to be correct, to see the tables be turned and find out that Dennis was the one with faith. We are used to see Mac believe have it, in god and in their relationship, but ultimately it's Dennis that is trusting Mac to make the right decisions. Which includes choosing Dennis every time.

That's a bigass trust to have for someone who says they have no faith. In contrast to that, what faith has Mac put in Dennis? None that I can think of, he actively does stuff that will please dennis, so far.

"leaving"/"rejecting" Dennis in the finale would constitute, again, Mac's faith in Dennis. He would be choosing something that goes right against everything Dennis wants, having faith that this won't mean they grow apart, and maybe even trusting that it's what Dennis actually needs. And it's what Mac would need as well, as proof that Dennis is serious. Because if he doesn't change his mind, then he is. And you can finally see how the whole season has been constructed as a way to move away from the ND conflict in order to fix their dynamic and broken trust in order to make macdennis work.

This calls back to my meta reading for the first half of the season. Again. This is old stuff. But still accurate.

Some snippets.

I now have a more detailed speculation on how Jumper will go which is no longer the one I had in that meta post, but I will spare you the useless talk and get back to my point. Maybe save that for another post. All I need to say here is that Dennis will be adamant that the answer is SHOULD WE: NO, Mac will want to prove him wrong but Dennis will be proven right, subsequently starting the path for Mac's change of outlook. And what will make him say "no"(t yet) even once Dennis believes they should. Boom, karma.

ANYWAY.

Dennis knows he can depend on Mac or at least he's learning so, Mac isn't sure if he can do the same.

As the two bicker over who had trust in who, and who broke the other's trust, it'll come to the surface, through text, that the roles have shifted. Dennis was trusting Mac all along, Mac wasn't.

Which is why Mac deciding for himself, deciding something that goes against Dennis, saying "no", is the biggest leap of faith Mac can take, the thing that would show us that yes, finally, Mac believes Dennis will still choose him.

TGGR's final part of macden's plot itself shows us Mac accepting Dennis' cynical point of view and losing faith. "I guess we're not gonna get that romantic comedy ending after all". But that is not the note the episode ends with.

Right as Mac accepts that it's not happening, we see Charlie and Frank's ending part of their plot. They're reaching back, they have a new realization. Nikki says that they feel the same way, but they still say no for the time being.

How does this all link to Global Warming, finally?

The Global Warming meta

The jump, the realization, the acceptance, in all the meta I have analyzed in the episodes, it all comes AFTER the explosion, the rejection. First things explode and Mac "leaves", THEN Dennis is overwhelmed and changes his mind, reevaluates. Think of the Nikki&Alexi and Charlie&Frank plot as a frame of reference for this. Think of Chokes also, first Mac says "No", then Dennis is satisfied.

NOW, Global Warming macdennis meta, at its most basic, goes as follows:

Dennis thought what he liked was the sexy girls dancing, then they revolted against him and literally overpowered him, and in the aftermath he has a new outlook on the japanese guys that he once disliked. At the same time as this happens, Mac isn't there to help him.

At the same time, we always see Dennis trying to rationalize his way out of conflicts, and it never working, not with Mac, not with the people in the bar.

Basically, we reach a breaking point in the conflict, and Dennis is overwhelmed by it, Mac doesn't help him in GW, he "leaves", I imagine this symbolizing that Mac finally agreeing with Dennis in the actual final conflict would feel to Den like Mac is "giving up on them". Dennis took Mac choosing him for granted, and he now learns how much trust he had in Mac despite saying otherwise (Chokes) and how much it meant to him. Dennis comes out of it changed.

They both do.

This, as I posted about previously, is all part of "God's plan". Dennis gave Mac back his "free will" in Chokes so that Mac's harsh final decisions could ultimately aid their relationship and trust.

We need Mac to turn Dennis down for the time being AND for Dennis to not change his mind during the wait, for the trust to be restored for both of them. To remedy North Dakota once and for all, and move into the macdennis territory. In a year, aka next season.

So finally, we can see how TGGR, Chokes, Texts and now GW all work together as milestones that set us in that direction.