#but you need to sleep a LITTLE BIT first
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#okay okay okay I have to try to sleep . now that I got SOME of the first impression thoughts out of my head#I am sure that as soon as I relisten I will have so many more thoughts#and I haven’t had a chance to listen to the remastered Troy and Cyclops Sagas yet so I am SO EXCITED FOR THOSE#but if I don’t try to sleep a little I know my excited rambly thoughts are just going to be#completely nonsensical#so. time to do my best to try to sleep through the flood of EPIC thoughts#for at LEAST a few hours bc I was at work all day and then a picnic and I’ve been up for like 17 hours and just.#Brain needs to attempt to sleep at least for a while!! I can wake up and talk about EPIC again first thing brain#but you need to sleep a LITTLE BIT first#personal#edit I immediately failed and made 3 more posts about EPIC#edit edit I CANNOT STOP I went through all my old epic posts and it gave me MORE THOUGHTS
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I had a clear vision with this one.
I did NOT need to spend that much time on this BUT DAMN IT IT’S FUNNY-
Context: Peppino was annoying the fuck outta’ him and it got so bad he wanted to take him home.
He was done with his bullshit- 💀
#Pizza Tower#TW: Alcohol#I’m a LITTLE upset that the last panel only came out….okay#I don’t like how it looks- I COULD DO BETTER#But that was my third attempt at drawing it so I got tired AND I NEED TO GO TO SLEEP- 😭#But it’s okay. It’s not GREAT but it’s okay and I’d rather have it look okay than bad-#Anyways the idea of Peppino annoying the absolute FUCK out of Gustavo while drunk is too funny#I tested it today and yeah he snapped at me-#It was mostly cuz I was doing stupid shit and he couldn’t control me 😂#And then he drove me back home which was nice- and still funny#Gotta mention how much I love drawing Gustavo mad-#He’s an absolute sweetheart but I’m telling you- bend the straw too much you might just break it.#And he had a migraine so I made it worse- 💀#I love C.AI bro it’s a masterpiece ✨✨#Took me a bit but I had fun. And I like the first two panels they looks great#Peppino#Gustavo#Drunk#Art
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sneeping with his legs up over his head for some reason... weird boye
#cats#love the second picture... skrungly sleepy well rested boye face...#since he's an elderly boy now sometimes when he wakes up from a nap he looks a bit scruffy and squinty eyed#Hard to beleive he's like 15 though.. he still looks like a kitten to me.. due to his giant round creature eyes and childlike demeanor#I think it's interesting that like... baby cats are babies. kittens are kittens. and you can tell a cat is like 'young adult' phase#looking from like a few months to maybe 1yr or 2yrs.. but after that they just always look the same to me#a 5 yr old cat is a 10 yr old cat is a 15 year old cat. unless the cat in question is particulalry aged or youthful#I still have so so little energy... it's been icy here this week. like not even FUN but just scary icy even thoguh i lOOOVE the cold#and its my favorite weather. I think it'd be okay actually if I had a woodburning stove/fireplace/hearth thing. literally thats my only#concern with the power going out. I genuinely don't mind stuff like having to go to the bathroom in buckets or cook over a fire or do other#less conveninet things. Its just that if eveyrhtng is electric then you have no way to cook and all of that. well.. and I literally need#background noise to go to sleep lest my ocd sprials become so loud I am slowly driven into maddness.. but a few battery packs or something#and a phone with one downloaded video I could play on repeat is fine for that. I dont need internet. ANYWAY.. so so sad that my fav#orite season ever (winter) is here. and the first cold of the winter is like... just an ice storm that you cant even walk in. I#love like 4 feet of snow where you can play in it and stuff. But just a thin flat sheet of a few inches of ice over every imaginable surfac#is not really playable. the wind speeds are so high and so many trees fall it's actually not that safe to go hang out outside anyway unless#you were in a totally clear open field. which is SAD also because i love ice and high winds. i love to stand out there and get whipped in t#he face with ice crystals and feel like I'm in some dramatic movie or something. but alas.. the threat of being attacked by a falling tree.#I did go out some but again it's like. literallyyou cant walk on it. so I just squatted and dragged myself along the ground lol#One of my stories has a whole section where the main characters are trapped in a deadly cold environment for a week and have to use magic#to survive and etc. etc. so I'm always like.. ouuu.. I should go in the ice.. it's Writing Research actually.. *foolishly gets frostbite*#THOUGH yesterday I went on a harrowing evil journey down a bunch of icy hilly roads to go check on some person's cat because the cat#had been left in the house for like 5 days at that point with nobody to check on them and nobody else seemed to want to do anything#about it (like call all of the neighbors or try to get someone out there) so I just went myself with a roommate who agreed to drive me.#It seemed acting totally normal and I gave it more food and water but.. I am still worried about it.. Apparently the person will be able#to get back to their house tomorrow but.. I dont trust them. But I couldnt take the cat with me because it's like.. a stranger's cat#basically and also no carrier + very skittish.. so I feared if I just tried to carry them bare handed they'd definitely leap from my grasp#and then it'd be like.. sliding on a sheet of ice chasing a cat and so on.. I still think they need to be watched for health issues tho >:|#ANYWAY.... many cat adventures lately... and strange weather... I wish for a normal week without always so many Things Happening.. augh
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Peter Vincent you are the Baddest Girl around
song is "Bad Girl" by Usher
be the change you want to see in the world. if you want more david tennant as peter vincent edits, miss an entire night of sleep making one yourself, i guess.
#god i need him as a trophy husband so fucking bad y'all have no clue#it's a wee bit messy but that's alright bc this is my first time ever making an edit and i was working with beginner tools#you know you're obsessed with a character when you break into a whole new medium just for them#i've had this edit in my brain for like a month and it feels to good to get it out of there and on my screen#bc i rediscovered this song around the same time i first watched fright night 2011 so i can't hear it without thinking of her <3#ignore how i missed an entire night of sleep making it in an adhd-med-induced hysteria.#gotta love artistic interpretation bc i can listen to this misogynistic song about getting a woman off a pimp and fully be like#''actually this is about my special little guy who sucks and i love :)''#david tennant#peter vincent#fright night#fright night 2011#anton yelchin#cw smoking#cw drinking#cw blood#fan edit#running my mouth#made this with my hands#video
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first week back at school and ahhhhhh everything is a little overwhelming currently
- my living space is full of boxes i have simply not had the energy to unpack at all.... hopefully this weekend (but i have also been invited to a Social Event so WE SHALL SEE)
- this school year is going to have So Much Important Stuff happening inbetween the many weeks of practice placement
- such as The Academic Text
- AND i need to finish the big project i was supposed to have finished ages ago
- our teacher this year speaks swedish with a very thick french accent and i speak norwegian with a dialect, we really struggle to understand one another but maybe hopefully that will change over time.... please...........
- i'm stressed about Stupid Bureaucracy Stuff
- and im so so sleepytired :(((
- and it's too humid and warm for comfort :(((((
AT LEAST I HAVE CUTE SOCKS
purchased in a distraught jetlag haze and subsidized by my travel insurance. they're my favourites now
#swedenquest#everything happens so much :(((#but i will be okay...!!!!!!!! no unsolicited advice please#in fact i have been given resources for metacognitive therapy to fight my brain demons and im excited to get more into that#but also how am i supposed to read anything under these circumstances.#tomorrow is self study day and if i wasn't so stressed about Big Project I would've made myself stay at home and rest/unpack#ill simply have to compromise. sleep a little bit longer; couple hours of tinkering at school#take it easy but take it!!!!#also god i was first out to have kitchen cleaning responsibilities this week#which isnt Hard u just need to run the break room dishwasher and take out the trash BUT#the trash bags are the worst quality trash bags i have ever encountered. they tore at my touch.#i tried so hard to remove the trash from the trash cans in a neat and professional manner but it all kept falling apart#and next thing you know there's coffee grounds all over the floor and everyone looks at you with pity#i got some help but it was so stressful and Bad#and there's someone in the 2nd year who keeps emptying the dishwasher even tho it's not their turn and I WOULD DO IT IF U WAITED FIVE MINUT#they did this all the time last year too and it's like. i get that they're stressed out by dishes in the sink or whatever i really do get i#but it's really messing with the system and like... teaching everyone else to not contribute??? because they don't even get to??#AND i lost at minigolf with like 20 more points than everyone at my team#which i genuinely wouldn't mind except i dragged the average score down so bad we could never have won anything#FIRST WEEK OF SCHOOL GOING FINE
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2009 Malaysian Grand Prix - Jenson Button(ft. Nick Heidfeld & Timo Glock)
#gifing jenson podiums is just me frantically saying to myself over and over:#'WHY IS HE SO PRETTYYYYYYY'#his wet messed up hair in all of these....i am unwell...#i have a love hate relationship with wet races#i like them as a race bcs they add an extra element of unpredicatableness#BUT THEY MAKE THE LIGHTING OF THE PODIUMS ABSOLUTE SHIT(at least in this era)#this and the next race(china 2009) are plagued with the worst lighting known to man#and it pains me so much cause theyre both great podiums but the lighting makes everyone look so bad LMAO#like yes ty for letting me see my drivers sopping wet but my god why do you make them look like smeagol(sry thats so out of pocket)#but its impossible to completely ruin jenson's handsomeness so no worries#there were so many cute shots of him peeking out of the car I LOVE HIMMMMM SOB SOB#i really gotta stop making gifsets right before i need to sleep it makes me keep pushing my sleepy time later#hahaha me quickly posting these mere hours before the first event of miami#PLS! ITS NOT THE RACE WKND JUST YET I SWEAR I SWEAR#jenson button#jb22#timo glock#nick heidfeld#brawn#f1#formula 1#formula one#we do a little bit of f1#2009 malaysian grand prix#2009 malaysian gp#(2009: 2/17 races watched)#season: 2009
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am I starting to understand what the 5 makima fans in this universe see in her or do I need to go to bed
#jokes aside! I haven’t slept at all. and it’s 5am#☹️#yeah I think. I need a nap#oh also guys I watched the second to most recent (?? is that a phrase) mha episode yesterday! I cried#bakugo my. my son#☹️☹️ horikoshi………. when I get my paws on you………..#back to makima tho. herghrghi I’ve been watching edits of her#she seems. mm#she’s like gojo but. freakier#i actually don’t know if that’s true or not but she definitely seems that way!!!!!!#that reminds me of a post I saw saying makima would try to manipulate gojo and he would win with the power of homosexuality#☠️☠️☠️ well I mean#I’m gonna try and start watching more anime’s than just my hero and saiki k but. it always feels sooo intimidating getting into a new show#like I have to consume some media of it first. I can’t be informed of the lore through watching or reading the piece of media myself#I must watch edits and read fanfics first. and then I can watch it :3 is that weird of me. idk it might be#IT JUST MAKES IT SEEM LESS SCARY WHEN I KNOW WHATS GOING ON A LITTLE BIT#now I’m just mindlessly rambling I think. I need sleep#jjk#olls thoughts 💭
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#always gotta have a what in there#sometimes people can be a Little Bit Confused#and i respect that#this What is dedicated to all you confused people#sndnfnfhf i've finally lost it i need sleep#anyways i am curious about this#my mind automatically goes to hey look it's bath time at the zoo#it never occured to me that people might think of 92sies first#newsies#livesies#92sies
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okay I severely misjudged spaghetti guy he’s actually just really cool
#okay so I came to this flat and he wasn’t here. greeted by a very dirty flat with shit all over the kitchen counters over cling film#I meet first my other flatmate who told me he stays in his room constantly bc of previous bad flatmates#has literally just a saucepan and some salt in the kitchen. so I’m like okay spaghetti guy potentially not great but could just be#how this guy is yknow#on Tuesday I get an email back saying he’s coming back from Norway tonight looking forward to seeing you feel free to use the kitchen sauces#rlly friendly message that I wasn’t expecting. I also didn’t know he’d been on a trip i just knew he wasn’t there bc his door was open#(to a REALLY nice room. multiple rlly nice plants (which he has little care labels for!!!) and it’s tidy and pretty#and he’s got a sheep teddy on the bed)#meanwhile I am in my own head bc I don’t wanna cook in the kitchen until I can clean it and I can’t clean it without moving his shit and#I haven’t seen him yet to talk abt it and I can’t bring myself to talk to him immediately bc I’m dying#and embarrassed as hell by how I’ve been cooking in my room with a microwave and air fryer (loud) and sneaking my shit out of the kitchen#but then yesterday I DO talk to him!! and he’s super friendly!! actually interested in having a conversation and Good at it.#and then he’s cooking and like. spaghetti burns but I’m not there for long and seems to be a mistake (he made the same thing for lunch today#and did Not burn the spaghetti) and is otherwise clearly competent bc the food smells Good and despite leaving a few things out it’s like#washed up stuff isn’t dirty and the sides are better despite still under cling film. more a case that he’s spread out than he’s messy#and now today we talked and i offered to hold onto some shit over summer bc complicated situation that boils down to he’s flying back home#and he cant take all his stuff and had to choose between chucking stuff/having literally nothing this weekend. like sleeping on the sofa etc#and then cleans the whole flat?? which I’m assuming a good chunk is his mess? but he did not need to do that. could’ve easily left#bc there are two people still living here who would’ve had to deal with it and he doesn’t know either at all#and THEN tonight we talk abt food which is fun bc we both ordered stuff. and he offers me some honeydew melon bc he’s been gorging himself#these past two days to finish it before it goes bad/he leaves which is also really sweet#and JUST NOW. I take my headphones out after finishing dinner and hear the sweetest fucking guitar#he plays the gentlest like dreamy sounding acoustic guitar I’ve heard in my life in his room (door closed by the time I leave)#this is actually just a really cool dude#now that the kitchens clear I’m gonna cook tomorrow and will probably offer him some bc otherwise he’s gonna be eating out all weekend#he has extra takeout for tomorrow night but might want smth Sunday#regardless I am just. huh??? left a bit stunned bc of the u turn my opinion of this guy has taken. bc my opinion of him was a reflection#of my discomfort moving to this weird dirty basement flat with two people I didn’t know#well. idk where to go from here. I think I’ll start by talking to him more this weekend. bc holy fucking shit.#luke.txt
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little soup cans are some of the neatest things we have, wish there were more soup-can-like things in this world
#just me hi#though canopeners need to stop being deadly weapons to some degree before that hfhs#'they're not deadly tho ?' well usually yes. but did you know that they can age Badly? i did not!#and the one I was using was dulled to an extent that it would Skip over a part of the can#(nearly the same spot every time lol) and when I thought I'd managed to fool it and had only#the tiniest bit of metal between me and some beans (pretty sure it was beans) I thought#'ohh I'll just pull up the can lid :)' Well the lid snapped off completely towards and Into my hand#and I had a bean-can wound on my pinky for about a week or so. I do not know how long it's been lol#//but soup cans are pretty cool I feel like they're kinda underappreciated !!#you can just have Soup ? Whenever ??? and it's Normal !! wow :D#sure making soup is pretty great. but that's a process man. and we're not even associates#[<- 'a process I am (not) intimate with']#like there is a little can of menudo in the pantry rn - medunito they call it isn't that just !! - and it's just there. it can be made in#like 10 minutes. is this Not the best thing ever ! ?#//I've also gotta figure out this sleeping thing that I've got going on (everybody has it going on)#I was maybe half a week into actually have a consistent thing going but the night I stopped was bc I am a sucker of a storyteller and we#were up til about. I think 4-6 a.m.#that's on me yes. my siblings vs. my desire to tell stories and rubber willpower hfbdh#a deadly match truly#and also I lost my snoopy watch (RIP snoopy watch you will be missed (I can't find it send help Waough)) and that was the only clock I had#in this room so now if I wanna know the time I have to go the living room - which is like a whole dang thing lemme tell you about it#/first I've gotta get up - easiest thing by far - and get to the door - assuming I don't get KO'd by my siblings' belongings on the floor -#get to the door. the door Is broken to some extent. opening it means a loud THDPD noise is sent throughout the entire house lol. and you#have to yank on the thing to get it open - so double effort there - and then you step out into the hallwayish area where you can then enter#the living room - oh so easy! but No! you then have to either turn on the kitchen lights and wake everyone with their door open or sleeping#in the living room for whatever reason Orrr you have to clamber over chairs pots perhaps a cat if you've got real bad luck that night to ge#up nice n personal to the clock so you can read the dang thing and see it's 11:23. which is like nothing so you stay up Anyway and do not#check the clock again because not only was that a hassle but also you released every creature that was in the room with you (that's a lot o#noise). but Yea the clock situation is ongoing hfbsh#'why don't you get a clock' that would be much too easy loll :) (last one disappeared and we keep forgetting lol) //ran out of tag space so
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As if I need something else to dwell on right now, I'm having a hard time with my orientation again. Like I just.... Idk. I feel like I don't fit in with the queer community because I'm aroace spec but I also feel alienated from the aroace community because I'm demi aroace. And it makes me feel very lost and very isolated.
#like i needed to feel even more like a broken thing...#negativity#demisexual#demiromantic#demi aroace#and not to go all vague blogging in the tags but#its really... [insert big complicated emotion here] to find a character you relate to on such a deep level#and then stumble across some... very strongly worded posts about the Right Way to interpret the character#and that supposed Right Way happens to invalidate your own experiences#specifically the ones that draw you to the character in the first place#and i know everyone's interpretations are (mostly) valid and we all have a right to play in the sandbox#but i can't help but feel a bit of shame alongside that alienation now because i happen enjoy an interpretation of the character#that fans seem to like being very vocally against#and im gonna try to not let it get to me and im gonna put the thoughts aside#knowing ive been up for just shy of 24hrs now and little sleep messes with the brain#but its just... its all too much rn and i feel too broken in too many ways#fox thoughts#tbd
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finally finished all of one character's entire quests/optional dialogue/questions/etc.... 100,000 words... .... aughhh
#Given some of it IS lines of code and stuff but like.. minus all that it's still probably at least 85 - 95k words hhhhhh#AND I have to do this for another 3 characters. Then a few partial quests for 3 others. THEN the other random misc stuff in the game#(like there are public areas in the city like a park and a forest that you can go and do a few things at. and chat with a few random#townsfolk that aren't actually full characters or anything. And there's a community board where you can#browse some of the random job advertisments or silly things that happen to be posted around#and also pick up a few odd jobs of your own to help earn coin to buy gifts for the npcs. etc. etc.)#Originally I was thinking like 'ah I'll make a short little game just to try it out! :3 It'll take maybe a few months!''#haha........................hee hee........................................hoho#Also evil that it would have been done already if I didn't totally drop itand stop working on it for like 5 years randomly#i could have made 5 years of steady slow progress gradually. instead of like 'one initial idea dump + about a month of art and writing'#...... 5 year break..... 'sudden mad dash to try to get probably 400.000 words written in a year or less' lol#I just really want to be done and have something out there already so it can lead to doing other things in my world..!!!!!! T o T#Like this can be an introduction and then maybe from that I can make other games. or short story anthologies. or other such things#But there needs to be some initially not very complex easy to interact with starting point first I guess... if that makes sense#That's part of why I stopped posting worldbuilding lore dump stuff as often because its' like.. massive walls of novella length#text are much more inacessible to engage with than like.. ooh a game! and there's characters! so its more approachable! and theres#visuals! oo! and the text is broken up in small bits line by line with other things in betwen! oo! etc. etc. lol#Not that THIS is even very accessible. I think dialogue heavy interactive fiction/visual novel type stuff is pretty niche and considered#boring or tedious compared to something with more ''gamplay'' like where you can actually move around in a world#and shoot things or whatever lol. But its an inbetween point. something SLIGHTLY#more accesible for now. Since i just dont have the budget or means or ability to make some skyrim type thing obviously LOL#Though maybe if theres any interest in the visual novel that could lead to making other things too. or at least I hope. I have a VERY cool#idea for a more ''gamey'' type of game that is a super fun concept and etc. but I would need to hire at least 2 people to make it.. ough..#I could do all the writing and probably half of the art. But I think I'd inevitably need a 3d artist and someone who can Code For Real hbjh#the system for ren'py (the thing I'm making a visual novel in) is not that complicated if you stick to just simple dialogue and stuff.#Making a whole moderately sized 3d game with minigames in it and a bunch of quest features and etc. would be out of my simplistic scope#''just learn it yourself!!' ... i barely manage to eat and sleep reliably every day lol... i do not function well enough to spend months#learning that many new skills. I already have a lot of of things I'm good at (not in a braggy way but just factually like.. i already have#a wide variety of different things under my belt).. at some point I have to just be happy with what i CAN already do and focus on that#and admit I need to get outside help sometimes ghjbh... NO more new skills/hobbies!!! ... ANYWAY
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The most openly bratty/fussy Alhaitham anyone can ever get is when he is sick, send tweet-
#hc; alhaitham#//He feels so gross & icky; everything & anything gets So overwhelming; he LOATHES getting sick so much#//WILL make it anyone’s problem if they try pushing him for whatever reason; even if he’s the slightest bit sick#//The only person he’d actively try NOT to ‘inconvenience’ is Kaveh#//But that’s bc he’s WELL aware Kaveh would try & make him being sick his business anyways if he found out#//Even if Haitham would rather he not—bc he knows 1) Kav’s got a lot on his plate & 2) Kav WILL get sick in the process#//Kav surprisingly does Not get whiney or anything when sick—rather; mans LOCKS TF IN#//He got so used to being alone and taking care of himself; mans would NOT ask for help until he is practically passing tf out#//And even THEN it’s begging whoever caught him to finish his task for him; not asking to be taken care of. Would be MORTIFIED if sb did#hc; kaveh#//Bc that’s there now jfbfb#//ANYWHO back on subject#//Haitham gets VERY clingy when sick. VERY clingy; VERY dependent and Vulnerable#//Around his trusted people; anyways#//But ye—if you’re friends; chances are he WILL hunt you down first above all when sick; esp if he had to go in for work#//And he WILL need a little help and attention; any and all of it that can be spared#//Or at the very least suggestions to help with the Ick until they are free to help him more#//In my mind's eye; Nahida is his most sought out friend in such times#//He'd curl up in the Sanctuary of Surasthana and nap the day away the Instant he gets inside. Esp bc she’d never turn him away#//She’d be fucken ECSTATIC to have him there; even make him a nice little place to sleep & everything; dim the lights & not let ANYONE in#//Best of all; she can’t get sick (by regular means) so she’s p safe. He wouldn't be as worried abt her catching anything he'd got#//Would dote so much on him; he’s like a baby brother to her#//Everyone in the rescue squad is basically just as well family to her too#//But he’s her favorite#//dendro god’s specialest boi (after Wanderer; ofc)#//Shh; no one tell the others jdhfbf#hc; nahida#//Whoop there’s that too hebfb
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Rating: Explicit
Archive Warning: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Fandom: Teen Wolf (TV)
Relationship: Chris Argent/Derek Hale
Characters: Chris Argent, Derek Hale, Kate Argent, Original Characters, Minor Characters, Araya (Teen Wolf)
Additional Tags: Asexual Derek Hale, Stone Top Derek Hale, Wolf Derek Hale, Slow Burn, Enemies to Lovers, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Lovers to Friends, Friends With Benefits, Age Difference, Explicit Consent, Cohabitation, Grief/Mourning, Beards (Facial Hair), Trauma, Nightmares, Flashbacks, Unreliable Narrator, Past Abuse, Past Sexual Abuse, Past Underage, Sexual Dysfunction, Warning: Kate Argent, Minor Character Death, Blow Jobs, Grief Beards, Asexual Character
Words: 55,331
Summary: Derek insists on coming along with Chris Argent and the Calaveras on the hunt for Kate, so he can see her dead for good. While following her trail back to Beacon Hills, they come to understand some hard truths about both each other and themselves, and struggle to find the reason why, after losing nearly everyone they've ever loved, they're still here.
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply
Fandom: Teen Wolf (TV)
Relationships: Chris Argent/Derek Hale, Derek Hale & Laura Hale Characters: Derek Hale, Laura Hale, Chris Argent
Additional Tags: Wolf Derek Hale, Grief/Mourning, Codependency, Cohabitation
Words: 2,278
Summary: Derek's first day back home.
Rating: Explicit
Archive Warning: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Fandom: Teen Wolf (TV)
Relationships: Chris Argent/Derek Hale, Chris Argent & Scott McCall, Derek Hale & Scott McCall, Past Relationships:, Derek Hale/Paige, Kate Argent/Derek Hale, Chris Argent/Original Character(s), Chris Argent/Victoria Argent, Allison Argent & Derek Hale
Characters: Chris Argent, Derek Hale, Scott McCall, Original Characters, Mentioned:, Kate Argent, Victoria Argent, Allison Argent, Gerard Argent
Additional Tags: Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Nightmares, Flashbacks, Grief/Mourning, Panic Attacks, Suicide, Suicidal Thoughts, Memory Loss, Repressed Memories, Guilt, Redemption, Codependency, Cohabitation, Asexual Character, Asexual Derek Hale, Sexual Dysfunction, Non-Sexual Intimacy, Murder
Words: 36,500
Summary: Twenty-four hours after the death of his sister, Chris Argent wakes in Derek Hale's loft with his hands trembling too badly to load and fire a gun, and no matter what he does, he can't make them stop. He made a promise to protect Beacon Hills in Allison's stead, but now he has to decide how he carries on her legacy when he doesn't know if he can fight, if he can ever lay his guilt to rest, and if he's truly capable of doing good when he has already done so much harm.
...i wrote this series in 2017/2018 as teen wolf was coming to a close, but i didn't post them here since i was a little shy about my rarepair and also they're Extremely Explicit and i had a lot of kids following me for skeleton art. since those kids are all grown up now (?!?!?), here these finally are, on this blog for the first time Ever. the first fic is the best one, obviously - it's almost a ship manifesto, and i am proud to report i have won over skeptics with it <3 derek hale i love you forever
#just uh. you know. mind the tags. mind the tags and i'm NOT kidding#man there's so much i'd change about the first one if i was doing it again#but honestly i don't think i COULD ever do something like this again#i churned it out in a month and a half and basically just did not sleep. it was like being possessed#like i'd stay awake until 10am and grab a 3-4hr nap and then start writing it again#so even though there are some areas that could use a bit of technical polish#i don't think that level of sheer passion and NEED to get it out of me could ever be like it was then#it's like dragon age ii in that way#raw and authentic and unpolished and that's for better AND worse#i kind of feel the same way about gambler's knife sometimes. my brain was just pushing it out so fucking fast#that i wasn't capable of seeing the little things i'd have tweaked on something i did slower#i did also find the list of ''post fic vignettes'' i had planned for this series#try 10 (TEN!) fully outlined mini-sequels. good grief. only 2-3 of them would have been shorter than steady hands#liz writes#liz makes stuff#bday srb spam#queue
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friggin' fic dropped fully formed into my sleeping brain night before last. early christmas present from the story elves. rancher duo au with both gaslamp and cyberpunk elements. jimmy has magic (everyone does, a little. he's a house cleaner) and about 134 siblings (grian and pearl are two of them. also impulse). tango is a fae and a necromancer hunter and jimmy doesn't know his bestie's not actually human. not because it's a big secret but just because tango thinks it's hilarious to mess with jimmy's little magics and then be all like O.O wow i wonder how that happened. i have approximately 1/8 of a plot but a lot of vibes.
#i literally dreamed this whole story in glorious detail it was so good#redwintertalks#it's one am i need to sleep i'm so tired#the human world is gaslamp and everyone has a little bit of magic#jimmy uses his and elbow grease to clean houses and sometimes break smallish curses#because he's got an unusual resistance to them#think oliver twist or sherlock holmes vibes with just a dash of magic#then the fae realm -- which isn't secret or anything you just have to have a passport that allows you to step over -- is all cyberpunk#towering neon skyscrapers and hovercars and bright colors and dark skies and shadowy alleys#and EVERYTHING is magic#i need a name for this au gotta think on that#but first. sleep. oh my gosh sleep.
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#ngl i feel like im spiraling a little bit#like i feel out of control and like everything is out of control#my sleep schedule is fucked#i feel like i'm floundering at work#and you know what usually fixes this stuff? trips to the dungeon#but you know who can't go this weekend? my gf and i :(#so now we have to wait until the first week of feb and idk how i'm gonna hold my shit together that long#i like don't know how to fully explain that i actually really /need/ this dynamic#it helps me soooo much#and not being able to do it makes me feel like the seams in my brain are unraveling#its such a fucking strange experience how much getting whipped and choked in a room full of strangers really quiets my brain#but GOD do i fucking need it :(#like sexually yes yeah its fun and good#but i also need it mentally#ugh im rambling oops#i have nowhere else to vent so feel free to ignore <3#i just had to get this out of my head
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