#but you know piglet does his best

[fairmerthefarmer]

I grew up on a farm, and I also grew up watching so much Winnie the Pooh over and over again, mostly the original shorts.

So anyway ONE time when I was in highschool or something my dad was quietly singing the rain song from the blustery day to himself on the way to go bale some hay with the tractor. Like “the rain rain rain came down down down so piglet started bailing” and now I can never hear that song without thinking of piglet riding in a little tractor.

Please don’t mind my very hastily done animation

[fraugwinska]

I know canonically Alastor doesn't sleep but let's assume it's not because he doesn't have to but because he doesn't want to - he feels powerless and vulnerable when he sleeps, also he is tormented by nightmares.

What if one night everyone is waken up by hotel almost falling apart: walls are cracking, everything is shaking, and a green glow is flowing through the corridors. Turns out, Alastor is asleep and having a very bad nightmare. And unless they want the hotel to fall apart, someone has to wake Alastor up... (reader volunteers as a tribute)

LOTS of angst with a comfor ending? :)

You ask, Anon - and I deliver (at last)! Thank you for being so patient with me! Today just felt right to write this, and I sincerely hope you find it worth the wait! <3 TW: Depictions of Blood - Minors DNI - 2.8k words

The Eye of the Storm

"What the fuck is going on?!"

Another loud boom shakes the ground of the corridor, almost making you trip and fall if not for the handrail you managed to grab. Angels door opened at the other end, a scared squeal of Fat Nuggets faintly audible as Angel stumbled out, clearly as startled and scared as you.

"Fuck, toots, what is that?"

"I have no idea!"

You had no idea, but whatever was causing it, the entire building was shaking like in an earthquake and you were terrified some of the older, worn out parts of your floor could collapse any moment. The cracks on the walls were growing with every rumble, and a bright, green glow had overtook the lamps, turning the usually warm and inviting space into an eerie nightmare.

You exchanged a terrified look with Angel, both of you unsure what to do next. He hurried over to you, his piglet shaking in two of his arms, taking your hand with his free one and pulled you with him. "C'mon, we need to find Charlie, before the fucking ceiling falls on our heads."

You didn't even have the time to reply before the lights went off, a terrified scream leaving your mouth before you could stop it. You heard a string of curses from Angel and felt him squeeze your hand tighter. The both of you ran down the stairs as fast as you were able to in the dim darkness. You tripped several times, but Angel held you steady, trying his best to not fall himself. The lights went on again with another rumble, making the stairway moan like it was in pain.

"Charlie! Vaggie!"

You reached the lobby, where you found the rest of the residents already gathered. Everyone was there, looking shaken and confused, but unharmed. You saw them look around and then up to the ceiling, the cracking of the wood and walls sounding louder and more violent than upstairs.

"Ey, you two, are yo' hurt?" Husk yelled over the noise, his eyes scanning Angel with a worried look.

You shook your head, letting the spiders hand go so he could run up to Husk, who took his pig into his arms and hugged Angel close.

"Is everyone alright? Where's Niffty... and Alastor?" Charlie's voice sounded shaky, and you could tell she was doing her best to keep calm and not freak out.

"I'm here!" The little cyclops girl appeared behind Sir Pentious's hat, her eye wide. "But I think Alastor's not okay."

"What do you mean?" Vaggie asked, her hands stiff on Charlies trembling shoulders.

Niffty looked around, biting her lip. "He has bad dreams sometimes, and he's really scary when he does, and then stuff like this happens. He can't control his powers, and-"

"Wait, so it's HIM who's causing all of this?" Vaggie's eye widened in anger and another boom made the whole lot of you duck as the glasses from the bar fall from their shelves, flooding the floor with shards of glass and debris.

"Yes, but he can't help it, it's his brain messing up! We need to help him!"

Vaggie cursed, while Charlie and the others started to ramble over another.

"Someone has to wake him up, before the hotel really collapses."

"Are 'ya crazy, Charls? We can't go in there!"

"Yeah, at this state, yo' won't know that fucker won't rip yo' to shreds befo' you even reach his room."

"It'ssss better to evacuate, I think."

"And leave the building to fall into pieces? Ugh, maldito idiota de la radio..."

Your head turned worriedly back to the green glowing corridor. Alastor. What the hell kind of bad dream would make him lose control over his powers like that? Niffty said it was his brain messing up, whatever that meant - did he really suffer from nightmares? You felt a sting of worry for the deer demon. You didn't even want to imagine the kind of terrors he had to have in his head to cause something like this.

"I'm gonna go."

Everyone stopped talking and looked at you. Husk gave you an incredulous look, still holding Angel and the pig in his arms. "Y-yo' can't be serious. That's straight-up suicide."

You shook your head. "Someone has to. I'll be fine, just... get out of here, wait outside and make sure no one is getting hurt."

Angel tore himself out of the cat demons grasp, taking you by your shoulders, his eyes pleading. "Toots, Alastor is not himself right now. He can't control what the fuck he's doing, and if he hurts 'ya, I don't... Please, don't do this, that bastard ain't worth it."

You knew the spider demon was worried, and you appreciated your friends' concern, but he didn't know the Radio Demon as well as you did. You were aware of his reputation, the stories of his atrocities and his sadistic nature. You knew how cruel and unforgiving he could be, but you also knew that over the last few weeks, he had shown you a softer, less menacing side. You and him bonded over his love of cooking and your love of eating what he prepared, over your shared interest for record players and classical music and your affinity to magic and the obscure. He could be a lot of things, but he wasn't just the bloodthirsty serial killer most of the denizens of hell made him out to be.

You gave the spider a smile, putting a hand on his shoulder and squeezed. "Don't worry about me, Angel, it's going to be alright. He's my friend, I can't just leave him in there to get crushed by the building."

Before you could be held back, you started to run towards the stairs. Charlie cried out to you, but you ignored her, you just took a last glance back, shouting as you vanished into the darkness.

"Just trust me, and get your asses out of here."

"Fuck."

The group stood there, unsure what to do, and a loud snap coming from the second floor made them turn and run for the doors.

The higher you climbed the stairs, the more intense the shaking and rumbling got. You had to crawl on the steps at times, because it was too dangerous to walk, and you didn't trust your legs not to give way under you. The walls were splitting, the green light was burning in the lamps, and the air was crackling with what seemed like dark magic, ominous glowing symbols appearing and fading in your vicinity.

When you finally reached Alastor's door, it was already hanging from the hinges. It had probably blown when the magic started to burst out in violent waves, the green glow brightly pulsating and threatening from within the inside. You wondered if your heart could beat any faster without giving way. It wasn't the first time you were scared witless, hell wasn't exactly a carnival. But as much as you believed the best about Alastor, he still was one of hell's most powerful overlords. He still had countless bodies in his name. You trusted him, but if Niffty and the others were right - and it seemed to be the case that they were - he had little to no control over himself when lost in a nightmare. Could a demon like him sleepwalk and kill you in their sleep?

You took a breath and squared your shoulders, turning around to call into the room, not daring to set a foot inside yet.

"Alastor? It's me. Can you hear me?"

The rattling of the sudden radio static made the framed pictures on the wall shatter to the ground, and from the edge of your field of vision you noticed the lights fade once more, turning the already ghost-like bedroom almost black. You reached for the doorway and lowered your voice.

"It's me, you have to listen, okay? It's okay. I just came to check on you. It's safe now. You are safe."

No answer, again. The darkness felt suffocating, as if it was about to crush you any minute. You felt dizzy, disoriented, like a rabbit that had caught the eyes of a fox. You didn't dare say anything else, not until you could at least see him, figure out what was going on. With shaking legs, you took a step over the threshold. The lamps flickered again and you tried your best not to stumble as you scanned the room in front of you in between the shutters of brightness for traces of the other demon.

When you found him, you had to bite down a cry of horror.

You wished you hadn't.

He was curled up and violently shaking on his bed, the covers ripped and laying in pieces around his sweating body. His head was almost between his knees, hair spiky and disheveled and his overgrown and twisted antlers slicing the mattress and pillows with every tremor rushing through him. You could barely see him, the flickering lights making his face obscured in the shadows, but what you could see made your heart sink. He was sobbing in between shattering breaths, his chest heaving up and down erratically and his claws digging deep ridges into his torso as his body jerked and twisted, blood pooling into the covers in deep red.

"Al." You couldn't control yourself anymore. The shock, the dread and worry freed your legs from their stupor and you rushed to the hunched form, nearly stumbling on the ripped fabrics.

His eyes flew open at the touch of your fingers, burning in bright crimson with ticking dials as irises, almost completely overtaking his entire eye sockets. The howling of radio static screeched from his lips as the room shook again as he bared his sharp teeth, his clawed hands swiping at you with violent intensity that send you flying on the ground. You tried to catch yourself, but fell to your side, letting out a pained cry as you felt the wound on your waist, dripping with blood and split wide open.

You watched him with wide eyes as his limbs grew, afraid to even move. His stare was petrifying you, you had never seen such violent, uncontrolled expression on him. He growled, his head turning towards you, his mouth, no, maw opening. He looked like he wasn't there anymore, that nothing left was inside besides a manic creature ready to slaughter everything it crossed. A nightmarish beast in its lair that had cornered a small helpless prey, ready to be swallowed alive.

He got up in one swift motion, the pieces of fabric that once were bedcovers flying through the air and a dark aura creeping into your vicinity. Your breath hitched. You couldn't get out of his range with him like that, the open wound kept you from moving fast, and his maw was so big it seemed he could rip you apart by just inhaling.

"Alastor, it's okay. It's me." you breathed, desperate not to lose hope. There must be something that could call to him in the deepest parts of his mind, something that could snap him out of this lucidity. You scrambled back as he stepped in front of you, lowering his head to meet your eye level. His claws dragged on the floor beside him, and in a sudden, swift move, his large hands grasped you, the pressure on the gash blindingly painful.

"I-It's okay, it's not y-you, it's just a bad dream. I'm here to h-help you. Let me..." You gasped, a sob leaving your throat as his claws started to dig into you.

"Nnnghh... Y...-you c..c-c-an't ...-he..lp...m...m-e-e.."

A snarl left his lips and he raised his face into the air, his arms lifting you effortlessly and you whimpered in fear. Pushing through the hazy fog that invaded your brain, you tried again.

"Please, Al, j-just look at me. Wake up a-and look at me. You'll be okay."

"W...-why d-d..id..-.yo...-u co..-m-e... -h..e-re...?"

The blood loss was making you feel faint, and you lifted a bloody hand, desperate to touch him, to reach the man behind the monster. With blurry eyes, you brushed his cheek, his face just near enough your fingertips reached the fizzing skin. It felt like dipping your hand in pure electricity, numbing and painful, but you didn't care.

"Because you a-are scared and h-hurting, and I care about y-you. What f-friend would I be if I l-let you s-suffer alone?"

At your words, his enormous form shivered, and you felt his grip on you loosen ever so slightly. The dials fixed on you were still ticking, but the red of his eyes dimmed. Your other hand came up, slowly, to take the other side of his face.

"Can you wake up for me, Alastor?"

More growling, more shaking.

"Pl-please. Wake up and come b-back to me."

His eyes flicked, the howling static became more hushed and his ears twitched under the forks of his antlers. You took a shuddering breath of relief as the animalistic stare on his face lost its threatening gaze and felt the buzz under your fingers slowly dying down. The sharpness under your hands subsided fully as you saw Alastor shrink back, slowly becoming aware again of his surroundings. The green glow that filled the room flickered and turned into the familiar oranges and reds. You held onto his face and his eyes, not daring to let him go until he had finally settled and transformed back into his regular form, the last clicks of the vanishing dials fading as his irises turned to dim reds once again.

"What happened. Why are you..." The sound of his familiar voice was all you wanted to hear now. As your legs gave away, you didn't fall however, Alastor's slender hands were quick to catch you, his smile confused and irritated. He let his eyes travel down your arms to the wound and pools of crimson surrounding you, and back at your face, now pale.

"What do you think you are doing, dear." he breathed, settling you down slowly on the ground.

"You had a nightmare. The hotel... everything was chaos. I had to come, had to... get you out of it." you stammered, watching him looking around to see the damage, his face warped in realization as he put the pieces together.

"Fuck!"

It was rare to hear the usually so poised and reserved Radio Demon swear, but for this situation you'd agree it was entirely appropriate. But the hotel still stood and he was back, and that was all that mattered. When he took you up in his arms and buried his face in your neck, you felt the more alive than in the whole time on earth.

"You foolish girl. You could've been killed by my hands."

You let him embrace you, his long arms circling around you protectively and his forehead resting on the hollow of your throat.

"But I wasn't." you said simply, smiling weakly into his hair. Your arms felt heavy but they still managed to find their way onto his back, reassuring and tender, letting him know you were fine, mangled maybe, but alive and there. You stayed that way for a moment, both of you unable to move or say something as you found some grounding in each other's warmth and the now peaceful silence.

The quiet was broken, however, when you heard frantic footsteps in the hall outside and the uproarious group of the hotel staff came charging through the opened door, halting when they saw your display. Alastor didn't lift his head, in fact, he didn't move at all. You turned your head, your hand barely leaving his back to give the speechless group a lazy wave.

"Are 'ya ok? I'll kill 'im if 'yer not, I don't give a shi-"

"You were so incredibly brave, oh gosh, look at all this blood. Vaggie, we need to get the first aid kit!"

"I'll get my mop! And a broom, look at the mess!"

"Aye, this fucker really owes you."

"Umm... this is rather... Should we give thossse two a moment?"

"Lo juro por Dios, un día de estos lo voy a matar..."

Through the mass of noise the others made, talking and fussing and scurrying, you heard Alastor's quiet whisper against your bloodied skin, loud and clear.

"Thank you, dearest."

You smiled, closing your eyes and holding him a bit tighter, even if it made your wounded side sting.

"It's okay, Al. What else are friends for?"

[reaperexe]

Happy ♡

summary : when Disneyland becomes the happiest place on earth with an unexpected partner.

warnings : angst, fluff to angst, sorry pookie <3

The happiest place on earth definitely didn't feel the happiest when your friend gets the flu and you're too broke to waste your tickets so you just decided to go by yourself.

But that too seemed like a stupid idea now that you stood in line for your favorite ride but without your best friend, the best friend who on call reminds you that everything happens for a reason and maybe you were meant to go alone but you just rolled your eyes at her.

the staff called on you to go take a seat but you were alone and the people behind you were a couple so of course you would sit alone for this ride too, just another pitiful reminder of how you decided to come alone.

So it was pretty surprising when the cute looking guy behind the lovey dovey couple decided to sit next to you. You just prayed that your wide eye didn't scare the guy away before the ride started.

Instead the guy started a conversation with you and suddenly the ride you were so dying to go on seemed not that interesting after all.

You're even more sold when he tells you he came here alone too, something about winning the tickets but you're too focused on the ride around you.

He even offers you his hand when he gets off the ride which you gladly take. He takes you by surprise when he asks "which ride should we go on next?".

We? as in you and him? you ask and he just nods like you asked the most simple question ever, embarrassed you just point to the next ride and let him drag you by the hand there.

He stands next to you in line, talks about the weather, about the ride you're gonna go on and you nod as he does most of the talking for a while.

laughs with you on the ride, holds your hands as it drops from a height, laughs with you while your hair floats up to the sky from the drop.

Even though you decline, still buys the pictures from the ride where you're screaming and he's laughing, he thinks its cute and you think its embarrassing but accept the picture when he shoves it in your palm.

This was YOUR trip now, his and yours. You go on every single lovey dovey ride on your list and all the crazy and dangerous rides he has on his list and its a fair trade.

You're both starving by noon and finally sit down to grab some food and only when you sit is when you realize just how much you had walked up to that point.

That lunch felt more like a catching up with a old friend than with a complete stranger you met a couple hours ago. You accepted the bites he fed you off his plate like it was second nature even offering him your food in spoonfulls.

As the sun began to set you decided to walk to the Disney castle, stopping on your way at one of those carnival games and after you both lose a lot of money you managed to win him a piglet stuffed toy.

He held the piglet in his arms as you two walked up to the castle, making it just in time for the fireworks.

You turned to look at him to see if he's looking at the scene too, just to see his eyes already on you, his face inching closer as you lean in too. The kiss was short but passionate leaving you breathless if even for a moment.

As you pull away he's distracted by the buzzing of his phone, he looks at it before he looks up at you with a sad face and your face drops too.

He mumbles a quick "i have to leave" before turning away and disappearing into the crowd. Your hands reach out fingers barely grazing the back of his shirt before he's out of reach and soon out of sight.

A loud firecracker pulls you out of your daze as you turn back to the bright castle. You briefly look down to the picture held tightly in your hand, the one you took on the ride and you realize he left with the piglet as well, each having a parting gift.

And maybe your friend's words do make sense after all 'everything does happen for a reason' and maybe this place was happy after all.

don't know if i wanna make a part 2 to this but let me know if you would like one.

[soniclozdplove]

MK Something came up on the mountain. Will explain during training. DO NOT BRING OUR FRIENDS! Especially Jangles! Trust me, you'll understand why when you get here. Monkey King.

MK reread the message for the 100th time, worried over the implications. Not only does Wukong rarely use the phone Mei got him, preferring to simply Astral Project any messages they need to do, but he'd never forbid their friends from joining in on training. Not since they all started training together while fighting against Azure, and Wukong had promised to not keep secrets anymore, what with the Samhadi Fire debacle. So the fact he's asking to keep it a secret is a big deal. Although, as Mei had pointed out when he showed her the message, the other monkey had never explicitly said to keep it a secret, just that he didn't want anyone except MK on the mountain for some reason, likely related to whatever he was going to tell him during training.

"Weird that he pointed out Tang in particular. Like, what did Tang of all people do to make Wukong not want him near!?"

MK didn't know. But as he flew towards the mountain he resolved to find out. The last thing he expected was to be met by a very familiar face when he landed. Or rather, four familiar faces that looked far too similar yet still different from his family to be a coincidence.

"Eeek! Demon boy!!" The Great Monk Tripitaka shrieked as he cowards behind Zu Baijie, Ao Lie, and Sha Wujing. All of them with weapons pointed towards him.

"Aye! Knock it off!" Wukong's voice roared out as he appeared in a flash of gold and red, standing between MK and the others, guarding him. "It's just my c- It's just my successor!"

The weapons immediately drop as the Pilgrims, the ACTUAL PILGRIMS from the STORIES, looked at Wukong incredulously. Zu Baije was the one to voice it.

"You!? A TEACHER!?"

"Yeah, I know!" Wukong snorted, as if hardly believing it himself, "But a lot can change in 1300 years and MK is a good kid. He deserves only the best, Piglet!"

"And... that's you?"

"No, but I'm the one he's got." Wukong's voice was flat, prompting MK to turn his attention to him. He yelped as a well placed kick hit his shin. "MK! What the heck!?"

"What have we talking about regarding self deprivation, Monkey King."

"What... I- that was for you!"

"Still applies!" MK folded his arms triumphantly as the audience began snickering at Wukong's flustered expression as he tried to find a comeback. Eventually his master concedes defeat with a chuckle, throwing his arm around MK in a side hug with a wide grin.

"Alright... well let's do introductions! Master, Ao Lie, Sha Wujing... Piglet. This is Xiaotian, or MK as he prefers, my student and successor. MK, the Pilgrims of the Great Journey... who somehow ended up here!"

"Oh wow! This is like a total dream come true!" MK was practically vibrating as he grinned, only to pause and turn to Wukong as a thought of occurred to him, Wait. Is this why you said Mr. Tang and the others shouldn't come over!?"

"Ah... yeah. That." The Monkey King scratched at his facial fur a but, looking guilty, "I have a good reason for it, MK. Jangles and the rest of these guys' next life in the reincarnation cycle. In all my years of living, I've never experienced a situation where a reincarnation has met their predecessor face to face. I wanted to be cautious in case, like, Jangles meeting Master causes the world to implode or something... again."

"Again?" Tripitaka raised a brow, glancing at Wukong with a concerned look, "Monkey, just what sort of-"

"L-look! We've have some crazy stuff happen recently, okay!? A crazy ice witch turned the mortal realm into an icicle, someone overthrew the Jade Emperor..."

"Somone did WHAT!?"

"And all of reality very nearly kinda sorta shattered when a pillar broke. MK and I managed to fix all of it."

"Yeah, we kicked monkey butt!" MK cheered along, "And only kinda got... emotional, physically, and mentally scarred along the way."

"Only kinda!?" Ao Lie tilted his head, curious, "Would any scarring at all not be considered a big deal?"

Wukong let out a laugh, slinging an arm around MK and the dragon's shoulders.

"Look, it's done and... maybe not over yet, but the main threat is passed. Let's jsut all settle down, I'll put some tea on, and we'll go from there. And maybe make a few calls to Sandy..."

That last part was muttered to himself as he herded the two into his house alongside the rest of the Pilgrims, telling them.not to mind the mess. After all, he shares the place with a bunch of wild monkeys and was still in the middle of cleaning up after Azure.

[licnheartedd]

where the lost things go

jegulus microfic | 462 words | parenting au

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“Piglet?”

“Absolutely not.”

“Eeyore?”

“It has to be Tigger, James.”

Harry has been wailing in Regulus' arms for about an hour now—almost the exact length of time since he dropped his most beloved teddy. James and Regulus had looked everywhere for it, turning every inch of their house inside out, and had come up empty. It’s as if Harry’s Tigger had never existed in the first place.

“They don’t have Tigger, baby,” James says through the phone, barely audible over Harry’s cries. Regulus does his best to calm the baby down, but all of his efforts have proven futile. “I could try another store?”

“No, it’s—just come home, Jamie. We’ll figure something else out.” Exhausted, Regulus hangs up the call and turns his attention back to their son. He hates seeing Harry like this, red-faced and teary-eyed, not knowing how to fix it. He wouldn’t trade this life for the world, but it would be lovely if there was some kind of instruction manual.

Nothing he has tried so far has worked. Harry has no interest in eating or taking a nap or playing with another toy. He barely seems to react to Regulus’ voice. At this point, it feels like a miracle that Regulus hasn’t started crying along with him.

He has one idea left in his desperate attempt to soothe Harry. Settled on the couch with Harry curled against his chest, Regulus begins to sing. It is the same soft lullaby his brother sang to comfort him when they were kids, though Regulus would argue that Sirius is not known for having a particularly calming voice.

It takes him until halfway through the song’s second verse before Harry finally calms down. There are no more wails echoing off the walls, just the faint melody of the lullaby falling from Regulus’ lips. By the time the song ends, Harry’s eyes have fallen shut, and his cries have been replaced with soft snores.

“You’re a miracle worker,” James’ whispered voice muses from the doorway. Regulus turns his attention from their sleeping son to find his husband leaning against the door frame, Harry’s Tigger held tight in his hand.

“You found it?” Regulus asks, careful not to raise his voice any louder than absolutely necessary.

James chuckles, stepping farther into the living room to sit down next to Regulus. “It was at the front door, inside one of your welly boots.”

If it wasn’t for the fact that he was so drained, Regulus would have to bite back a laugh. Instead, he drops his head onto James’ shoulder with an amused huff, and takes Tigger from his hands to lay it on top of the sleeping baby. “Next time, you can stay home while he screams. I think I’ve earned a day off.”

[laurasimonsdaughter]

A fairy's true name

Earlier I wrote about how much trouble I had finding even one example of a fairy trying to learn a human’s name to use it against them, but folktales where it is the other way round do exist!

Until recently the best example I had for this “use a fairy’s true name against them” plot, was Rumpelstiltskin (and all its variants, for there are many). But technically the Rumpelstiltskin plot itself is not enough to claim that knowing a fairy’s true name gives you power over them. After all, a specific deal was struck between the fairy (or dwarf, or imp, etc.) and the human, with the finding out of the name releasing the human from their debt to the fairy. (Best examples including a fairy: Peerie Fool, Tríopla Trúpla, Titty Tod).

But it turns out that the tale type “The name of the helper ATU 500” contains stories in which I would argue it is made clear that knowing a fairy’s name holds power:

In these stories a the supernatural creature in question is a helpful house spirit or neighbour to the human, but immediately leave them forever as soon as they (sometimes through trickery) find out their name, after they refused to tell them:

Hoppetînken, a mountain dwarf (German, Kuhn, 1859)

Gwarwyn-a-throt, a spirit/elf/bogie (Welsh, Rhys, 1901)

Silly go Dwt, a fairy (Welsh, Rhys, 1901)

And these stories contain what I would call “strong circumstantial evidence”:

In Winterkölbl (German Hungarian, Vernaleken, 1896) a grey dwarf who lives in a tree makes a young king guess his name before he will (somewhat reluctantly) consent to let him marry his human foster daughter (she was abandoned, he did not steal her!).

In The Rival Kempers (Irish, Yeats, 1892) an old fairy woman sets a young woman the task of guessing her name, but then gives it to her freely (with some extra help to win her good fortune), because she was polite and generous to her.

Conversely, in The Lazy Beauty and her Aunts (Irish, Kennedy, 1870) the three fairy women who help the protagonist with her spinning, weaving and sewing, actually introduce themselves by name, but they are clearly nicknames: Colliagh Cushmōr (Old Woman Big Foot), Colliach Cromanmōr (Old Woman Big Hips), Colliach Shron Mor Rua (Old Woman Big Red Nose).

But my two favourite examples are Whuppity Stoorie (Scottish, Chambers, 1858; reprinted by Rhys, 1901) and The heir of Ystrad (Welsh, Rhys, 1888, reprinted in 1901). I'll summarise them below the cut:

Whuppity Stoorie (Scottish, Chambers, 1858; quotes from Rhys, 1901)

A woman is left by her husband. She has a baby boy to feed and her only hope is that her sow will have a big litter of piglets. However the sow gets ill and as the woman weeps with the fear that the pig will die, she sees an old woman coming up the road. “She was dressed in green, all but a short white apron and a black velvet hood, and a steeple-crowned beaver hat on her head. She had a long walking staff, as long as herself, in her hand --” This “green gentlewoman” tells her that she knows the woman’s husband is gone and that the sow is sick and asks what she’ll give her if she cures the pig. The woman heedlessly promises her anything she likes. So the green woman cures the pig with a spell and some oil and then reveals that she wants to have the woman’s baby in return, thereby revealing to the poor woman that she is a fairy. The fairy is unmoved by the woman’s sorrow, but does reveal that: “I cannot, by the law we live under, take your bairn till the third day; and not then, if you can tell me my right name.” Luckily the woman overhears the fairy woman singing her own name and gets to keep her child by addressing her as such, after which: “If a flash of gunpowder had come out of the ground it couldn't have made the fairy leap higher than she did. Then down she came again plump on her shoe-heels; and whirling round, she ran down the brae, screeching for rage, like an owl chased by the witches.”

The heir of Ystrad

A young gentleman hides in the bushes to see “the fair family” dance on the river bank. There he sees the most beautiful girl he has ever seen and wants more than anything to win her for his own. He jumps in the middle of the circle of fairies and grabs her by force, while all the others flee. He is kind to her, but keeps her captive, and eventually she agrees to become his servant. She steadfastly refuses to tell him her name though, no matter how often he asks. One night he once again hides near where the fairies play and he hears one fairy lament to another that last time they were there, their sister Penelope (Pénĕlôp) was stolen by a man. He returns home joyfully, calling is favourite maid by her name, which greatly astonishes her. The young man finds her so beautiful, industrious, skilled and fortunate, that he wishes to marry her. “At first she would in no wise consent, but she rather gave way to grief at his having found her name out. However, his importunity at length brought her to consent, but on the condition that he should not strike her with iron; if that should happen, she would quit him never to return.” They marry and they lived “in happiness and comfort”. She bears him a beautiful son and a daughter and through her skill and fairy fortune they grow richer and richer. But one day while trying to bridle an unruly horse the husband accidentally hits his wife with the iron bridle. As soon as the iron touches her, she vanishes. But one cold night she comes to his bedroom window one more time, telling him that if ever her son should be cold, he should be placed on his father’s coat, and that if her daughter should be cold, she should be placed on her petticoat. Then she disappears forever.

I adore both of these stories. Whuppity Stoorie is probably the clearest example of the power of a fairy's name. But The heir of Ystrad is as good a fairy bride story as The Shepherd of Myddvai and that has been a beloved favourite of mine for as long as I can remember. Either way they're both wonderful takes on the power it grants to know a fairy's name.

[quitealotofsodapop]

MK

Something came up on the mountain. Will explain during training.

DO NOT BRING OUR FRIENDS! Especially Jangles! Trust me, you'll understand why when you get here.

MK reread the message for the 100th time, worried over the implications. Not only does Wukong rarely use the phone Mei got him, preferring to simply Astral Project any messages they need to do, but he'd never forbid their friends form joining in on training. Not since they all started training together while fighting against Azure and Wukong had promised to not keep secrets anymore what with the Samhadi Fire debacle. So the fact he's asking to keep it a secret is a big deal. Although, as Mei had pointed out when he showed her the message, the other monkey had never explicitly said to keep it a secret, just that he didn't want anyone except MK on the mountain for some reason, likely related to whatever he was going to tell him during training.

"Weird that he pointed out Tang in particular. Like, what did Tang of all people do to make Wukong not want him near!?"

MK didn't know. But as he flew towards the mountain he resolved to find out. The last thing he expected was to be met by a very familiar face when he landed. Or rather, four familiar faces that looked far too similar yet still different from his family to be a coincidence.

"Eeek! Demon monkey!!" The Great Monk Tripitaka shrieked as he cowards behind Zu Baijie, Ao Lie, and Sha Wujing. All of them with weapons pointed towards him.

"Aye! Knock it off!" Wukong's voice roared out as he appeared in a flash of gold and red, standing between MK and the others, guarding him. "It's just my c- It's just my successor!"

The weapons immediately drop as the Pilgrims, the ACTUAL PILGRIMS from the STORIES, looked at Wukong incredulously. Zu Baije was the one to voice it.

"You!? A TEACHER!?"

"Yeah, I know!" Wukong snorted, as if hardly believing it himself, "But a lot can change in 1300 years and MK is a good kid. He deserves only the best, Piglet!"

"And... that's you?"

"No, but I'm the one he's got." Wukong's voice was flat, prompting MK to turn his attention to him. He yelped as a well placed kick hit his shin. "MK! What the heck!?"

"What have we talking about regarding self deprivation, Monkey King."

"What... I- that was for you!"

"Still applies!" MK folded his arms triumphantly as the audience began snickering at Wukong's flustered expression as he tried to find a comeback. Eventually his master concedes defeat with a chuckle, throwing his arm around MK in a side hug with a wide grin.

"Alright... well, let's do introductions! Master, Ao Lie, Sha Wujing... Piglet. This is Xiaotian, or MK as he prefers, my student and successor. MK, the Lilgrim of the Great Journey."

ah yes

Wukong now has to deal with an interlude of his old companions crashing at his place, whilst also worrying about possible time paradoxes!

At least half of the Pilgrims are convinced MK is Wukong's kid.

Tang is especially told to stay away cus he's not supposed to exist according to Buddhist doctrine. Golden Cicada was supposed to be done with the whole reincarnation thing after Tripitaka.

Macaque is going to laugh himself silly when he finds out about this! XD

[eldritch-spouse]

Morell’s obsession, chewing on a loaf Morell just gave them: I like getting bread

Morell: 👁️👁️

" Getting bread is the best, right? "

Spittle flies everywhere in the kitchen as Morell, who was obliviously taste-testing a soup, hears those words tumble from your mouth. The spoon is set down.

He licks his teeth and turns, wide-eyed, cheeks already acquiring a tint of teal. " Y- Yeah Piglet? "

You blink as you bite your loaf, not understanding why Morell is giving you that crazed look, or why he seems to pant. That's never a good sign. " Mhm. It's my favorite! "

The cook tugs at his scarf and mumbles something incoherent that almost sounds like a hiss before taking a tentative step towards you. He's glad you don't glance down because something's definitely already stirring in his pants.

" Oh, is it...? "

You squint. " You're looking at me weird. "

The chef doesn't really know what to do, approaching you like one does a scared animal, hands itching to grab. " So ah- Ya wanna get bred? I can take care o' dat... "

Looking down at your nearly finished snack, you nod happily at him. Why not? " Yeah, sure! "

The moment he groans, hands bolting to undo his pants like they're burning his skin, is when you realize your fatal mistake.

You wonder how many steps into the warehouse you'd be able to reach before he tackles you to the ground.

[misc-obeyme]

your post about the human au with beel as a farmer has me giggling and kicking my feet!! and now i can't stop imagining the brothers on their own little farm (writing this even though i know nothing about farming)

lucifer and satan mainly handle the finances, making sure they have the best equipment and techniques to produce good crops. the goats and sheep seem to take a liking to lucifer, especially the baby ones, who love chewing on his clothes. satan stays away from them bc they keep thinking his blond hair is food, choosing instead to coo over the farm cats

mammon and levi are the unofficial handlers and bully victims of the birds. mammon gets pecked by the chickens as he goes to collect their eggs, and he says one day, he'll cook them all up as revenge!! (everyone knows he's lying). levi spends more time with the ducks, where they quack at him on the farm and when he's fishing at the local ponds. (one time, a group of baby ducks imprinted on him and followed him home. it took forever for him to get them back to their mama)

asmo does a lot of advertising for the farm, with both his social media and charming personality at the farmers' market. he designs the cutest packaging and sews any holes that end up in his brothers' clothes with lovely little patches. his favorite animals on the farm (a couple piglets and bunnies) are marked with pink bows, but you could tell by how he squeals whenever he sees them

you already went over beel, but i imagine him still having his super strength and can easily carry adult sheep with ease. he also has gained a lot of (kissable) freckles from being in the sun all the time

belphie is a straight up cow whisperer, which may be caused by his habit of cuddling with the cows on their pasture to skip out on chores. but he's great at milking and can instantly tell if something's wrong with the cows, to the point that other farmers go to him in need of help. he's a lazybones hero!

aaaaaa the sillies - 🎠

Honestly, I'm surprised that little post of mine got so much attention lol! I was definitely thinking about it more in terms of what I think the boys would do if they were humans, rather than how it would be if they all worked on the same farm. But I saw a couple tags suggesting a Stardew Valley crossover, which could be all of them on the same farm or all of them with separate farms. I haven't played Stardew in a long time, but I am so obsessed with farming sims it's ridiculous. My favorite is Story of Seasons Trio of Towns, I've played it so many times and I still replay it from time to time because I loved it so much lol.

ANYWAY that's all to say that my farming experience comes almost entirely from video games. I took a class about plants and agriculture in high school, but otherwise it's all vibes and cozy gaming!

But I think you've nailed it with these. I keep seeing Satan falling asleep in a pile of hay, just completely covered in barn cats. Cute lil Asmo all decked out like a farmer but only for the aesthetic 'cause he's running that farmer's market booth like nobody's business. Cow whisperer Belphie, please I love it so much.

Also freckled, sun-kissed Beel... human!Beel would have so many freckles if he spent any time outside at all. I love this because I'm extremely freckled myself and it'd be really cute if MC had freckles to match his.

Though I actually hadn't even thought about MC's role in a human au. Since they're already human. Would it be reversed? MC is the demon in this scenario? Or just MC is their same human self but they meet the others in a different way? I think both options could be interesting. I was initially going with the idea of there being no magic and no realms though.

I was trying to think of what the characters would do with their lives based on their interests and Beel just screamed farmer to me. Like yeah he probably still works out a bunch, but he really loves food. So I thought it would be interesting to consider that as his primary motivation for wanting to become a farmer. He just wants to feed everybody.

Anyway, I love this, I'm thoroughly enjoying imagining the boys on their farm. Though Mammon threatening to cook the chickens is hilarious. Like I can just hear him saying that to a bunch of indifferent hens, too. It reminds me of a story my mom used to tell me about my great-grandmother getting so annoyed at my uncle's pet rooster for getting his beak tangled in her yarn that she straight up made soup out of him. I dunno how true that story is, but it's one my mom & her siblings have told me numerous times lol.

[nikethestatue]

A Match Baked In Heaven

Chapter IX

Too Afraid to Love You

Piglet has never been handled so roughly or with so much indignity. But despite his protests and super threatening growls, which could scare anyone, Elain didn’t even care. She jammed him into a doggy carrier, or what could be called a backpack with holes, and then threw on her jacket, while sliding into her trainers. She swung the carrier over her shoulder and then tugged the loops over her arms. Piglet was shoved face first into the mop of her hair, and he was of mind to maybe bite her, but he didn’t. But he was so mad, he couldn’t even look at her, so he just sat in his backpack with holes, and bounced about, while she ran down the street. He still considered biting her on the ear perhaps, but he couldn’t reach it. So his plan went to naught. But he was very angry with her, especially because she was running! Running. She didn’t run. But here she was, her feet slapping on the pavement loudly, while she jerked and jostled him in this abominable contraption. It’s like she didn’t even care! She didn’t care about his comfort and well-being. Not ever since dad came into her life. Not that he didn’t love dad–dad was the best, but still. Piglet was still important, and he felt that he did many incredible things for Elain, and she needed to think about them.

Piglet considered everything that Elain should’ve acknowledged and be grateful for. Did he not bring her fun things from the street? Shiny wrappers, dead squirrels, empty packets of things unknown? Didn’t that count for something? And how he sometimes woke her up at 7:09 am, even though his breakfast was at 7:02 am! He cared. He cared so much, he let her sleep an extra seven minutes! All all those late night walks, where he definitely, absolutely sensed serial killers in the bushes, and he was ready to protect her. Where was his ‘thank you’? All those go-potty-serial-killer-men-in-the-bushes that he was so vigilant about and ready to deliver a deadly strike at. And, he also always met and gave his seal of approval to all the random people that came to the office. He met them and he introduced himself, and he was polite, but he was also very vigilant, as usual. He didn’t even like anyone, except for two people, and one of them was dad anyway. And the other one was the big bloke that came with dad. The big bloke was alright too–he wanted paw and Piglet shook with him.

Oh…

Well then. At least Elain brought him to the butchers’. He loved this place. And they always gave him treats too. So, maybe he’d find it in himself to forgive her.

“Miss Elain, ‘morning!”

“Morning, Jack. How are you?”

“Working hard. How’s the matchmaking business?”

“Booming.”

“That right? Well, not surprising. Those Gen Xers don’t know how to talk to other humans, so they need all the help that they can get.”

Elain laughed, “You aren’t wrong.”

“How can I help? What would you like?”

“Chicken, please.”

Elain Archeron was a proper lady. She was of good stock, a fine beauty, polite and she knew her meat. She was one to keep traditions, and she patronised private businesses in the neighbourhood. People around here liked her. She was an integral part of the community. 

“Piglet, how are you in that rucksack?” the butcher chuckled, as he weighed the chicken pieces.

“He is not very happy, but I am in a hurry,” Elain admitted.

“A romantic date for you then?” Jack joked, as he wrapped the chicken in paper, and then filled a bag with chicken feet and necks–Piglet’s favourites.

To his surprise, the pretty matchmaker got all red in the face and quickly waved her card over the reader, as she grabbed her packages.

“Something like that,” she muttered.

“Ahh well then. Good luck with that. Hope the fella treats you well, Miss.”

“He does,” she confirmed.

“Bye Piglet,” Jack called out. “Take care of Miss Elain and keep her safe.”

I always do Piglet snorted indignantly.

-

Piglet alerted Elain that Azriel was coming. Nowadays, she had no doubts about what was to happen–if her dog began going crazy by the door, she knew that Azriel was nearby.

And Elain was…excited.

It’s only been 3 days, barely, since he came to cook for her and her sisters, and she was excited to see Azriel. She was also very concerned about his injury and his general well-being, and needed to see him with her eyes and ensure that he was actually okay.

She’s been pacing for an hour, aimlessly cleaning all the counters, and while Piglet was able to go downstairs and hang out in the library room, and by ‘hang out’ she meant sleep, snoring loudly, she couldn’t do the same. She was thinking, her head aching from all the intrusive thoughts, which were mostly about Azriel Night. And she wished she didn’t have to think quite so much, but all she could imagine and think of was him here, in this space, with her, where he seemed to belong. And she didn’t know what to make of it. She didn’t know why he consumed her and why she wanted to care for him, and why she worried about him, and why she wanted to cry when he held Piglet, and why she was proud of how he treated her sisters and how kind he’s been to all of them.

Therefore, when the knock came, she was already waiting. And she didn’t even care if she seemed overly eager and borderline desperate. She needed to see him. She almost ripped the door off the hinges, since she pulled it so hard.

Azriel was pale, dressed in a black windbreaker, black Adidas trainers and black joggers. He was a far cry from the usual confident and cocky Azriel, the football superstar. He was wearing a hood, but his black hair stuck to his forehead, and his shoulders seemed to stoop. 

“Hey gorgeous girl,” he smiled at her, his eyes widening a bit when he beheld her. “May I come in?”

Elain shook her head and then took him by the hand and drew him inside, while muttering, “it’s like inviting a vampire into your house…”

Azriel smiled and then threaded his fingers with hers, while picking up Piglet with his other hand. The pug was quiet, but happy. He put his big round head on Azriel’s shoulder and sighed contently, while murmuring and singing something under his breath. 

“Cassian said that he cried,” Azriel said softly, watching Elain, who looked…scrumptious. She was wearing a loose knit jumper, little knit shorts, and knit knee highs, which ended just above her knee. He was trying to avert his eyes, but who was he kidding? Those soft, pale thighs were the death of him. He was obsessed with her figure on any day, but this…well, this was a very special and a very delightful present for him. 

“You spoke with Cassian?” Elain asked quickly, as she blushed and lowered her eyes. Azriel gently pulled her to him and she was forced to stand in front of him, as he towered over her, while she stubbornly looked down at the floor.

“I have. He rung and told me that you were ‘spewing fire and brimstone’–his words–and told me that Pink cried because he was so upset when I took a tumble,”

“TOOK A TUMBLE!!??” Elain cried out, “are you kidding me?! You were pushed and I thought your leg was broken! That’s how it looked on the telly,”

“And then you rang me like eleven times and messaged me another six?” he smirked like an asshole, and Elain made to pull her hand away, huffing with anger and embarrassment. 

“Leave me alone,” she hissed. “Why are you even here?”

He shrugged indifferently,

“Suppose I wanted to be with my favourite person. And my favourite dog.”

“As if I am your favourite person…” Elain even rolled her eyes, but the flush of her skin told Azriel everything he needed to know. She liked it. She liked the compliment. No matter what she said and how far she rolled her eyes, she liked being his favourite person.

“You are. And besides, you want me here,” he told her, and his fingers squeezing hers tighter.

“The cheek of you is unbelievable,” she complained, annoyed and looking absolutely adorable. All her huffing and indignation were offset by her sublimely sexy outfit and the endless blushes on her cheeks. “I don’t want you here,”

“I wasn’t the one who was blowing up the phone,” he commented innocently, burying his nose in Piglet’s neck.

“I was simply inquiring after your well-being!” she yelled. “It was nothing more! I was being polite. I think it’s quite normal for a person to reach out and inquire after someone’s health, when they are injured or ill!”

“And I appreciate that more than you can imagine,” Azriel said gently, and then lifted her hand to his face, to his mouth. “And Cassian demanded to know why I haven’t put a ring on this pretty finger yet?” With that, he pressed his lips to her ring finger, and she gulped loudly, unable to respond. What the hell was happening? Why would Cassian ask something so absurd? Both of these brothers were completely bonkers.

Azriel continued, unperturbed, “and you know what I told him? Not yet, but I will.”

Elain’s saucer-like eyes flickered with its warm brown light. She seemed both shocked, and mollified by his words. But… 

The sheer dominance of him. The presumption. The proprietary ownership.

He displayed no hesitation. And his confidence wasn’t arrogant, but just annoyingly self-assured. As if he decided that this was going to be the way, and he was going to make it so. Like she was his. 

“Mr. Night!” Elain growled at him. “Every single time. Every. Single. Time. We’ve been together you told me that you will marry me,”

“Which I will,” he concurred confidently.

“No you will not! This is abnormal behaviour. You cannot tell me things like these!”

“Well, that’s where you are mistaken, gorgeous girl. See, if a man tells a woman that he will marry her–at any point in their association–that just means that he will. He set his eyes on her. He is now a hunter. And he will hunt her until she is his. Until she bears his young,”

“Ew. What?!” Elain winced, grossed out.

He laughed.

“It is what it is, Ms. Archeron.”

“I am not marrying you,” she declared.

He only shrugged.

“We’ll see.”

“Nothing to see. I am not your type,” she reminded him.

“You grew on me,” he parried. 

“Like a rash?”

“Like a wart.”

“Wonderful. You can go now,” she jerked her shoulder towards the door, by which they were still loitering. 

“Mmm, no, I don’t think I will,” he decided, and began to remove his jacket, though it was a tricky thing to do, since Piglet just snuggled closely to him and wouldn’t budge.

Elain gave an exaggerated sigh and tugged on Azriel’s sleeve, to help him take off his jacket. 

“Did my boy really cry?” Azriel asked again, stroking Piglet’s back.

“He did,” she nodded. “He didn’t like seeing you hurt.”

Azriel’s sharp, usually severe, if beautiful face, suddenly melted into a loving smile and he hugged the pug closer to his chest. 

“Why is he not looking at me? Is he sad and angry?” he worried.

Elain lightly patted Piglet’s head and said, “No. He is super happy. That’s how he gets when he is very happy. Quiet and still.

“If he was mad, you’d know it,”

“Oh yeah?” Azriel grinned, “What would he do?”

“He’d give you the biggest side eye in history and would not interact, and wouldn’t look at you.” She chuckled to herself and then recalled, “Once, he had an…” she cleared her throat and half whispered, “anal abscess.”

“What. The. Fuck?” Azriel’s mouth fell open.

“Hmmm, yeah,” Elain opened her hands helplessly. “I took him to the vet, and…well…they probed. And they had to go in kinda deep. He was not a fan.”

“I am absolutely not surprised that he wasn’t a fan!” Azriel agreed, trying to stifle his laughter, while stroking Piglet’s back soothingly.

“So they gave him some antibiotics and an ointment and then when I took him home–and mind you, he refused to walk, so I had to carry him for like four miles–he wouldn’t look at me the entire time. When we came home, he went to his bed and wouldn’t move or pay me any heed. As if I was the one who fingered him in the butt.”

“Let me stop you right here, matchmaker,” Azriel raised his hand.

Elain stopped abruptly and looked at him with expectation.

“Nowhere in my life, not since I’ve met you, did I ever expect to hear the words ‘fingered him in the butt’ or ‘anal abscess’ come out of your mouth! This is some kind of parallel universe I am in right now.”

She laughed at that. Then asked, 

“Still want to have a dog? Because I had to put the ointment on him. In there.”

Azriel sighed, considering her words, and then nodded decisively.

“Still want him. And you. And I can finger both of your butts, if that’s what it comes to,” he promised.

The expression on Elain’s face told him enough, so that he quickly wrapped his arm around her waist and murmured, “Don’t faint, matchy. It’s okay. I am not offering to do it right this minute. Unless…”

“I will break your other leg!!!” Elain screeched, burying her face in her hands.

He burst out laughing, and then reminded her, “Hey, that’s not fair. I am injured!”

“I will injure you further if you won’t close your awful mouth right this minute!!!”

Azriel was laughing, until he started coughing, whole body wracked by his loud heaving.

Elain sighed dramatically, and said, “come on then, let’s go”. She tugged him into the informal family room, which lay across from the kitchen. It was a nice space–reeking of Elain-like cosiness. A comfortable sectional sofa, without frills, but obviously expensive, and as Azriel sunk into it, exceptionally well-cushioned. He almost crawled into the couchette side of the sofa and lay his head back, exhaling heavily. This was nice. Across from the sofa was a fireplace, with actual logs and an actual fire. The smell was delightful and the warmth substantial. There was a TV, which was turned to some cookery show. A corner was dedicated to built-in bookshelves, and there was a plush armchair there–he figured probably Elain’s favourite corner. 

He kept coughing, feeling sweaty, and then suddenly chilled, even next to a roaring fire. Elain was mutely shaking her head, while Pinky licked his neck affably, comforting him. 

“Thanks matey,” Azriel whispered, huffing like an asthmatic. 

“You are completely totally ill!” Elain was muttering angrily under her breath, as she opened a chest and pulled out a throw. She came over and then pressed her palm to his forehead. Azriel smiled. It was such a tried and true ‘mom move’ and not for the first time he thought of what a wonderful mother she’d make to their children. Not for the first time he imagined her gorgeous curvaceous body carrying life, carrying his seed, morphing into something supple and even more beautiful. 

“You are hot!” she declared.

He smirked and winked at her, “I know, baby.”

“No, I mean, you are hot hot,” she tried and he only nodded.

“You don’t need to pay me compliments, but if you insist…”

“Oh lord!” she exclaimed. “You are incorrigible. I am not paying you compliments. You are hot. Your body is hot.”

He only grinned at her, and lightly drew his knuckles over her cheek. 

“Don’t worry. You are hot too,” he comforted her. “But you are right–my body is hot. If you’d like to see more of it, with a lot less clothes, you only have to say the words…”

“Mr. Night,” she growled at him, crossing her arms on her chest. “You are not attempting to harass me while you are burning up with a fever, are you?”

“Harass? No. I would call it ‘wooing’,” he told her, his insufferable smile still curving his lips. “But I am also attempting to stop you from constantly calling me Mr. Night. Can we move to Azriel?”

“Absolutely not!” she tucked the throw around him somewhat aggressively. “Also if this is your wooing, then it needs a lot of work!”

“Never had any complaints,” he shrugged. 

“I guess the standards in an orgy are pretty low,” she snapped, and Azriel couldn’t help himself and laughed out loud. This girl’s tongue was sharper than a blade. She never failed to answer him and he loved it!

He rubbed his chin and explained,

“Just because I am a gentleman, doesn’t mean that I can’t fuck you like a savage. I am just balanced like that.”

As usual, Elain’s eyes popped open, because the girl squirmed and clutched her pearls at any sexual innuendo. Azriel liked unsettling her, but he also treaded carefully, and didn’t push too far or too hard. 

“Are you comfortable?” she asked then, her expression softening just a fraction. Piglet crawled onto Azriel’s torso and made himself comfortable on his chest, tucking his blunt round head under Azriel’s chin. It was a good thing too, because the dog was nice and warm, and a bit heavy. Like a weighted blanket.

“Very,” Azriel assured her, and then brought her hand to his lips and kissed it. She looked down at him and then lightly drew her finger over a lock of his hair. “Thank you. Thank you for everything, Ms. Archeron.”

“You are welcome, Mr. Night. But you should’ve stayed home, in bed, and not exposed yourself to the elements to get here.”

He was quiet for a long time and then quietly, his voice barely audible, said, “What if this is the only home I want to be at?”

Elain sighed and offered him a small smile.

“I will make you a cuppa and,”

“With lemon and sugar,” he added quickly.

“Obviously. And then you can sleep a little.”

“You sure?”

“Well, I am not going to throw you out on the street if that’s what you are asking.”

He patted Piglet’s back and said, “Pink stays here. And I won’t anally violate him,” he gave her a meaningful look, “unlike some people.” 

“Oh god, I shouldn’t have told you about that,” Elain lamented and he chuckled, nodding. “Probably not,” he agreed. Then, offering his best puppy eyes he inquired, “no chance of a little kiss?”

“That would be a definitive NO,” she threw sternly. “Besides, you want to give me your illness?”

“Couples who ill together stay together,” he tried.

“We are not a couple, and you are clearly delirious from your cold. Also, people don’t ‘ill’ together!”

Naturally, the moment Piglet senses that Elain was going to the kitchen, he jumped off Azriel and forgot about him, excited at the prospect of a treat. 

Azriel sank deeper into the sofa, missing Pinky’s warmth, but Elain’s thoughtful throw kept him from shivering. God, he felt like shite. It’s been a while since he felt this bad, but this was the first time in his life when he didn’t actually mind it. Of course the chills and the chest congestion weren’t his favourite, but he was with his Elain and she was taking care of him, and that was enough.

Piglet was begging loudly, ‘wfff wwww waf fawww’ his voice high pitched and sounding kind of…human. Azriel had read somewhere that a smart dog is mentally equivalent to a two year old child, and now he was seeing that to be true. Being with Pinky was like having a somewhat hyper, perpetually hungry, narcoleptic toddler, who fell asleep in random places with no warning, wanted to play all the time, gave no opportunity for privacy and wanted to be the centre of attention at all times. He also refused to walk whenever he wanted, and sure enough, someone would readily carry him. 

“Hold on,” Elain cautioned him, “let me make Az some tea.”

Az.

Az!

Az?

AZzzzz!!!

Azriel perked up on the sofa, listening closely. She actually called him–Az??? That’s what she called him in her head? She thought of him as ‘Az’? Not a lot of people called him that–Cassian, some of his veteran teammates, his cousin Rhys, but that’s about it. And now his girl used his private nickname, which just threw him into a tailspin inside his head.

Wahhwaaa-bark-wahawwf

Pinky responded impatiently.

“Okay, I’ll get you some treats,” Elain decided, her voice quiet, making sure she didn’t disturb Azriel, “but why don’t you run upstairs and bring your baby, so you can share with Az.”

Pinky snorted and Azriel watched him from his spot, as the pug took off down the hallway and then there was some grunting and plops leading up the stairs. Elain meanwhile brought him a cup of tea, with a small plate of lemon and ginger cakes, and a couple of pills.

“Here,” she muttered awkwardly. “It’s very hot.”

Azriel accepted the cup, and smiled at her, “thank you, matchy.”

“Do you ever run out of nicknames?” she wondered, as she sat on the edge of the sofa.

“Usually, yes. For you, no,” he told her, as he sipped his tea. It was perfect–tart from the lemon and sweet from the sugar. 

“How’s your leg?” she asked, seeing as he winced when he shifted.

“Ehhh, a little fucked up, but I’ll live. They put a brace on it. That’s why I couldn’t respond to you–I was getting an MRI, and all kinds of X-rays and all that boring shite. Don’t think that I was ignoring you, beautiful.”

“Are you in pain?”

“Are you gonna kiss it all better?” he smirked at her, as he took another sip of his tea. 

“Unlikely,” Elain rolled her eyes.

“If your leg was hurt, I’d kiss it better,” he immediately told her with a hurt expression.

“Yeah, I feel like you’d want to kiss more than just my leg,” she scoffed and Azriel shrugged innocently.

“Do you blame me?”

“Take the pills,” she ordered in her no nonsense tone.

“Yes, ma’am,” he obliged. “What are these? Are you gonna roofie me so you can have your way with me?”

“Gah. Why? Seems like you are willing and ready to have your way with me without the roofies!”

“True, true, but,”

At that moment, Piglet trotted back from his lair, his plushy baby in his teeth. 

“Did you bring it for daddy?” Elain gushed, realising a second too late what she said and what Azriel heard. 

Her face was a mask of horror.

Panicking, she began to mumble, “no, no, I mean…for Az…You brough Puglet for Az, right? For Mr. Night.”

Azriel was chewing the inside of his cheek, trying not to laugh out loud. 

Quickly, she turned to him and said, “Mr. Night, this is not what I meant!”

“What did you not mean, Ms. Archeron?”

“I did not mean to call you that.”

“You don’t want me to be your daddy?” he finally let go and burst out laughing. Piglet looked between the two of them with his dark buggy eyes and gave an equivalent of a shrug, as he tossed his baby at Azriel.

“Is that for me?” Azriel took the toy and said, “thank you, baby boy.”

Elain jumped up, clearly grateful for the distraction, and beckoned Piglet after her. “Come on, treat time!” she cried overly-enthusiastically.

“This conversation isn’t over, matchy! I know you’re trying to weasel out of it, but come on ‘daddy’?”

“It was a mistake!!” she called out over her shoulder, while Piglet wiggled his arse, following her back to the kitchen.

“I don’t think so,” Azriel sang back, as he bit into the delicate little cake. This girl sure knew how to bake!

“Can I at least be a baby daddy?!” he requested.

“Ohmygod!” she moaned.

“I’ll make us a couple. Well, four. I’ll make us four.”

“Noooo!”

Waaaff waaaww wah hawww Piglet let himself be known, screeching loudly.

“Okay, you can have a whole banana or a piece of cheese,” Elain offered.

That did not go over well. There was dangerous growling, and demanding yips and pathetic howls. Piglet did not like making choices. He clearly wanted both.

“Ow, stop it…no, you can’t have both,” Elain scolded him, as Azriel listened and laughed. This was everything. This was his life. His best life. He was obsessed.

“The doctor said that you need to be on a diet,” Elain reminded her rowdy dog, who did not care at all. “And look, the banana is bigger, and you can have more of it. And it’s tasty too,” she was convincing him. Whether she was successful, Azriel wasn’t sure.

A couple of minutes later, Piglet arrived back to Azriel’s sofa, holding a banana in his teeth. He wasn’t looking particularly happy, but Azriel picked him up and sat him at his side, breaking small pieces of banana and feeding it to him.

“That’s right, my boy. Daddy, DA-DD-Y,” he yelled obnoxiously, “will feed you. Maybe will sneak some cheese in when ma isn’t looking,”

“Don’t you dare!” Elain warned, “he is supposed to be on a diet. You’ll lose pug privileges.”

“No way!”

…Elain’s voice woke Azriel up from his slumber. Whatever she gave him had knocked him out pretty well. He slept like the dead and even now, he was still out of it. The dog was snoring next to him and Elain was pacing in the kitchen, doing something. But it was her voice that woke him up. She was talking on the phone. He didn't want to eavesdrop but he couldn’t help overhearing what she was saying, especially because her tone was urgent and unhappy.

“Are you serious?” she demanded of whoever was on the other line. “Isn’t that excessive?”

-

“...Okay, I understand, but five months?”

-

Azriel moved quietly on the sofa, tugging the throw to his chin, feeling like he would never be able to move from here ever again, yet the fact that his girl was clearly displeased with some motherfucker made him want to fight.

Whoever she was talking to went on some long rant, while she listened patiently.

“Okay, I get it,” she said at last, her tone clipped, “but really? My birthday? Christmas?”

More talking.

“Eris–I am sorry to tell you, but this is what people do for each other!! Even when it’s inconvenient! Did I love flying to Beijing for 11 hours? Just so I can spend a week in the hotel room, when you didn’t make any time to be with me? To even show me around the city,”

-

“I don’t care that you had meetings! I flew there, to be with you. I left Piglet and my clients, just to see you, and,”

-

“Yes! He does matter to me. He is my dog, and I,”

-

“Don’t be ridiculous, I don’t love him more than you! But I am beginning to wonder if you love your high-flying job more than me?!”

-

“That’s a lot of words, but I don’t see any action,” she snapped. “I am not asking you to do anything unreasonable! You can come here, spend my birthday with me, then it’s going to be Christmas–”

-

“Okay, so what if it’s Feyre’s birthday too? It’s not going to interfere with any of our plans. Also, she is my sister. She is turning 25. I think I am allowed to be with my sisters on that day. Though no one said that you weren’t invited,”

-

“Well, I am sorry you don’t feel comfortable in the bohemian crowd! You don’t have to come, if it’s such a burden to you, but you can’t expect me to miss her birthday. Besides, we will be going out to a restaurant…”

-

“Moroccan”

-

“I am sure you can find something to eat there! It’s basic food–meat and rice pilaf and salads!”

-

“No, not Ethiopian–it’s Moroccan. No, it’s not going to give you diarrhoea!!!”

Azriel stifled a laugh at that. Poor Elain. Also, this Eris bloke didn’t know the difference between Ethiopia and Morocco.

“Fine. You don’t like kabobs. Whatever.”

Who the fuck didn’t like kabobs? They were delicious! Azriel thought. 

After a long pause, where he assumed Elain was listening to the man, she said with a sigh,

“So you are certain? You won’t be coming for Christmas?”

-

“Okay. I can’t make you. But I will also tell you this–I won’t be Penelope,”

Who the heck was Penelope? 

“Look it up!” Elain snarled.

Apparently Eris also didn’t know who Penelope was.

Azriel discreetly reached into his pocket and took out his phone, before Googling ‘Penelope’. No, not Cruz. 

“Penelope, wife of Odysseus, Queen of Ithaca… She waited twenty years for Odysseus' return…”

Oh. Well, then. 

Meanwhile, Elain said icily, 

“No, I don’t think that I am being unreasonable. If I want my so-called boyfriend to come home to England for my birthday, and for Christmas and New Year’s, instead of staying in freakin’ China, then no, it doesn’t make me unreasonable. It’s entirely up to you what you do, I’ve said my piece.”

-

“Forgive me, Eris, if I find it hard to believe that you’ve been faithful to me for five months…and the four months before…”

-

“Whatever you say. Goodbye. Sure. We’ll talk later…Sure. When I cool off.”

Azriel wanted to say something. He wanted to comfort her, but he didn’t feel right infringing on her private life. He assumed that Eris was the ginger bloke. Stupid, for leaving his woman like that. Unattended and unsatisfied. Azriel wouldn’t make the same mistake. 

He’d never leave Elain.

The next time Azriel woke up was when it was dusk. The world outside was coloured in greys and blues and purples. It was pretty–the foggy, ethereal beauty of London in the waning light of day. 

His ridiculous dog was still snoring, unbothered. This time though, he was on his back though, his three paws high up in the air. Azriel wished he could snap a pic, but…his arms were occupied. His whole body was occupied. In the best possible way. His woman was sleeping on top of him. 

He looked down. She was half-sprawled on top of his body, her leg tucked between his own, her cheek resting on his chest. Goodness…A beautiful woman. Not an attractive sleeper. Azriel smiled softly. Beautiful to him. Always. But, her hair was in disarray, her mouth open, and she was drooling on his shirt. What a far cry from Miss Priss in her pearl necklace. She was hugging him more sexually than he expected, and half of her ass was hanging out from her shorts. A big hunk of gorgeous fleshy butt.

Now, if Azriel was a proper bloke, with manners and a good head on his shoulders, he would've considered feelings, consent, appropriateness, and many other trendy things that were so en vogue these days. But he was lad from the council estate and didn’t rub shoulders with Lord Darling nearly long enough to have become a genteel gentleman. Therefore, he saw an ass, and he took it. In his defence, this was the best, most luxurious, prettiest, juiciest ass in existence. The best ass. His favourite ass. And his scarred, mangled hand couldn’t help itself and slipped down her back and cupped the bare perfection of her lush ass cheek. He didn’t squeeze, not wanting to wake her up, but he caressed her gently, while luxuriating in their closeness. She came to him. Following her obviously unpleasant conversation with that Eris bloke, Elain sought comfort with Azriel. She could’ve gone upstairs, could’ve done something private and personal, and licked her wounds on her own. But she came to him. She trusted him enough to splay herself atop of his body and now peacefully drool on his chest.  

He couldn’t believe his luck.

Truly.

His girl finally thawed her icy little heart. Or maybe, her heart was always warm and loving, and beating like a fluttering bird, hoping that it wouldn’t be broken. He wouldn’t. He’d protect it with everything he got. 

Elain shifted and he stilled, wondering if she was waking up and whether he was now obligated to remove his hand from the warm globe of her ass. He didn’t really want to. He found himself a girl who blushed like a virgin and hid her face in her hands when he said filthy things. Yet, he wondered if this same girl would suck his cock like his cum was oxygen and she needed it to survive. 

He hoped so.

“Did you dedicate the goal to me?” Elain asked suddenly, but softly, without opening her eyes. 

She startled him, but he answered,

“I did.”

“Was the ‘E’ for me?”

“You are the only ‘E’ in my life,” he clarified.

“Okay. Thank you. It was the most beautiful goal I’ve ever seen.”

“Thank you.”

“Is your hand on my arse?”

“It is.”

“Why?”

“Where else would it be when I have your bare butt showing and you are almost dry humping me?”

“Ohmygod, I am NOT,” she began arguing, but he just squeezed her soft butt cheek, digging his fingers into the delicate flesh.

“Shush, woman. Just stay there for a sec. Enjoy the moment.”

And to his utmost surprise, she obeyed. She didn’t move. She just lay there, and he stroked her head with his other hand.

Awawawawa wufff whaha

“And…he is up,” Azriel muttered, watching Pinky flop over and start talking at once.

“I have to take him out,” Elain said, reaching her hand to stroke the pug’s head.

“I’ll come with you,” Azriel told her.

“Are you sure? How do you feel?”

“Much better, actually, and I’ll have to protect you, you know.”

“I already have one to protect me–he thinks everyone is a serial killer. Serial killer neighbours. Serial killer post men. Serial killer squirrels. The butcher–he isn’t a serial killer. But everyone else–potential killer.”

“I respect his dark worldview. Everyone is a serial killer until they are not. Guilty until proven innocent.”

Elain rose awkwardly, because Azriel refused to remove his hand from her ass. 

“You sure you don’t want to take me for a ride, beautiful?” he suggested.

“You are not at your best,” she raised her brow at him.

“My mediocre is most men’s ‘exceptional’,” he argued humbly.

“Your modesty knows no bounds,” she noted, as she finally got up.

“It smells amazing here, by the way,” Azriel commented, as he sat up on the sofa. He was feeling markedly better. The fever was gone.

“It’s dinner.” 

And before he could say anything, she added, “Yes, yes you’re invited.”

“Well, that’s excellent. Maybe a sponge bath afterwards? In case I am back to having a raging fever?”

Elain scoffed and said, “Not sure how good Piglet is at giving sponge baths, but you two can work it out between the two of you. He likes a good bath.”

“Good idea,” Azriel decided, “I’ll discuss it with him.”

Elain went upstairs to change and it struck him how domestic they were together. He guessed that this was ‘family’. Them taking a nap together, dinner cooking on the stove, his woman upstairs, dressing in his presence, not at all perturbed by him being in the house, Pinky…well, Pinky was now running around and hiding from Elain, who came downstairs wearing jeans and holding some kind of onesie for him.

“Piglet, you need to wear it! It’s very cold outside. You’ll freeze!” she tried to reason with him, while he galloped between the kitchen and the lounge, dodging her and sliding under chairs and tables, until he was crawling along the kitchen counter, thinking that they couldn't see him.

Azriel put his finger to his lips, gesturing for Elain to keep distracting him, while he tiptoed closer.

“Piglet, where are you?” Elain called out, pretending like she couldn’t find him. “Come on! We got to go potty.”

Just then, Azriel made one of his ‘elite athlete’ moves and managed to grab the dog. Piglet wailed in disbelief, having thought that he was so stealthy and amazing with his evasion techniques. 

“Come on, matchy, go for the kill!” he encouraged, while Elain thrust the coat on Piglet, who gave up his struggle pretty quickly, and compliantly got himself bundled up. On top of the coat, he also had to wear a hat with ear cutouts and which was tied under his chin.

“Jesus Christ,” Azriel chuckled. “He is like a smothered baby.” He set the dog down, and went to get his own coat. 

“You feeling broody, beautiful?” 

He held her jacket to her and she snorted, as she threaded her arms into the sleeves.

“And you are volunteering to relieve me of said broodiness, I reckon?”

He shrugged, “I’ve got all the equipment in working order.”

“So you keep telling me,”

“You still haven’t checked,” he noted and zipped her up. 

Then he wrapped a scarf around his neck and said, “Your scarf, baby. Sorry I haven’t given it back to you. I love it, you know,”

“Keep it,” she suggested. “I want you to be warm.”

The moment they exited the townhome, Azriel draped his arm around Elain’s shoulders and pulled her closer. The street was quiet, but Piglet guided them where he wanted to go, and that was towards people, pubs and restaurants. Azriel limped noticeably and Elain worried about him, hoping that he was okay to walk, but thankfully, Piglet wasn’t in the mood to hurry and moved at a leisurely pace himself. He also found a stick, which he immediately brought to Elain, while Azriel murmured, “Yeah. Sticks, man. Bitches love sticks!”

“You are crazy,” Elain laughed.

“I am crazy? I am not the one standing in the middle of the street holding a stick, a limpy boyfriend and a dog in a knit hat.”

“Yeah, the only problem in this scenario seems to be the limpy ‘boyfriend’,” she made quotation marks with her fingers. 

“No, that’s the only thing that makes sense in this equation, beautiful.”

Then Piglet decided that he wanted the stick back, so Elain gave it to him and he trotted along happily holding it in his teeth,

They walked slowly, Elain deep in thought. Azriel didn’t bother her, until he asked,

“Why are you fighting this?”

She glanced up at him and frowned with incomprehension,

“Fighting what exactly?”

“This.” He said firmly. “Us.”

“Us?”

“Yes,” he confirmed, his usually relaxed, playful tone gone. “This, Elain. Yes, Elain. Not Ms. Archeron. Not ‘beautiful’. Not matchmaker. Elain. And I am asking Elain as to why you insist on fighting this?”

“I am not,” she began.

“Every step of the way, you are. You ought to understand that this is it?!”

“What is?” she asked softly, her eyes luminous and full of questions.

“Us, Elain. You can’t be that thick not to understand that this,” and he waved his hand between the two of them, “is something special. This thing that we have going on, despite all the laughs and teasing, it’s something…” he paused. “I ain’t gonna scare you, Elain,” he promised, “but I ain’t gonna leave you alone either. That’s a vow,”

“And if I wanted you to?”

“That’s the thing. You don’t want me to. You want me, just like I want you. And I don’t know why you can’t just admit it?”

She sighed and said quietly,

“Men have hurt me. I’ve not been with many. I’ve had three boyfriends–one in school, the next one, Graysen, was in uni. And I loved him. Really, really loved him, and we got engaged, and then he cheated on me with my neighbour, Clare. And many others, as I found out later. I broke the engagement. It was all hush-hush, to avoid scandal because both of our families are prominent and scandal is a no-no.”

“And now it’s this bloke Eris?”

“How do you know?!”

“I know. What’s he?”

“Lord Eris, Earl Vanserra.”

Azriel rolled his eyes, shaking his head, his jowls ticking.

“Of course. Earl…Is this what it’s about? I am too low born? I know…I know you fucking have a title. What is it?”

“I am just a Lady,” she mumbled.

“You ain’t just a Lady. What are you?” he demanded. “A Duchess?”

“Nesta is the Duchess,” Elain said softly. “She is the eldest daughter, the title is hers. I am a…Marchioness.”

“So that’s it? Is this a class thing? Is that why you won’t give me a chance?” 

“Don’t be ridiculous!”

“Am I?” he snapped. 

“You are. It has nothing to do with any titles!”

“Then what? Explain it to me.”

She sighed and twisted her fingers,

“I feel like I haven’t done my job. I haven’t found you anyone. And I…”

“That’s what it’s about?!” he exclaimed incredulously.

“I don’t know…Yes. But also other things. Eris,”

“Eris is a fuck up who doesn’t care about you,” Azriel snapped roughly. 

“Perhaps,” she sighed sadly. “I am beginning to see it now,”

“What else? You better tell me everything, because like I said, I am not leaving. I am not walking away from this.”

“Can you give me something?” she requested.

“Anything. What do you want?”

“A little time. To understand everything myself. I’ve never felt like this…I’ve never been swept away by a man. I find you…exciting. Interesting. You are so different from everyone I’ve ever met. You are raw and honest. There is a decency about you that’s so uncommon nowadays. You are brutal and chivalrous at once. I feel like you can beat someone to death, yet you hold the doors and you help me with my coat,”

“I can beat someone to death,” he assured her.

“I know. I can sense it. There is a wild, untamed beast prowling under your skin. I love it. I love how you make me feel–how I am free with you, and you just accept me. You accept me and Piglet, and I know that some view me as odd, because I am devoted to him. I am the weird lady with the pug and the pearls,”

Azriel smiled.

“That you are, beautiful. But that’s what I love about you. You are unapologetically yourself, and you love your ornery pug and you know who you are. I’ve also never met anyone like you–because most of the women I see around are either gold diggers or rather vacuous individuals obsessed with their looks and handbags.

“Everything about you is strange, Elain. Your job is strange. Your manner is strange. Your dress is strange. You are a girl from the past, who is also thoroughly modern. I don’t know what to make of you, but I know that I love it. I adore it all.”

They stopped in the middle of the street, while Piglet ambled aimlessly around their legs and Elain asked, her voice trembling with nerves,

“You like me?”

Azriel smiled at her and nodded. 

“I do.”

“Even if I am weird?”

“Even then. I especially love that you are unique. Not weird. You are my Elain,” he cupped her cheek in his scarred hand.  “You are one of a kind. And there is no one else I’d rather spend my perfect day with than you.”

“What is your perfect day?” she breathed, her eyes wet with tears. He brushed his thumb over her lashes and said,

“I’ll tell you one day, matchy. Or better yet, show you. It may or may not include an apple crisp with custard,”

“Oh yeah! I am excited.”

“You and Pinky are alike. Easily swayed by food,” he chuckled.

“Let’s go eat dinner then,” she pulled him to her. 

“Let’s go then.”

Chicken and rice. Oh yeah. This was Piglet’s favourite meal. Well, his most MOST favourite was meatloaf. When Elain made meatloaf, it was the best day ever. But for that, Piglet had to be very, very good. He couldn’t make trouble, wake up in the middle of the night and alert Elain to a serial killer in the bushes, couldn’t steal anything from the kitchen, had to go potty on time, not tear up his chewies, and not lose his baby, so that Elain didn’t have to look for it everywhere. Meatloaf came with many conditions, and sometimes, it was worth it.

But chicken and rice was the next best thing. Piglet got two chicken feet, three necks, and a bunch of giblets, which was del-ici-ous. 

Though while his dinner was making Piglet very happy, what made him ever happier, kind of giddy actually, which resulted in him stopping mid-meal and expelling a loud gagging wail of happiness, which made mom and dad stop eating and watch him warily, was that dad was now here, eating dinner with them, and he wasn’t gonna leave.

Yeah, Piglet knew that dad was here to stay. And that made him even happier than meatloaf.

“Is he…okay?” Azriel asked unsure.

Elain was stifling a laugh, as Piglet roared like a bear over his bowl.

“That’s him being extra happy,” she explained.

“What spurned this on?”

“Chicken and rice, I suppose,” Elain shrugged. “He loves it.”

Suddenly, Azriel leaned back in his chair, gripped the table and roared loudly, startling both Piglet and Elain. Piglet stared at him, until a piece of chicken fell out of his mouth, buggy eyes jumping from Azriel to Elain. When Azriel didn’t stop roaring, Piglet joined him and howled wildly.

“You two nutters!” Elain cried out, laughing and covering her ears. “Stop it! Look at the state of the two of you!”

“We both love chicken and rice!” Azriel howled.

And yes, Azriel really did love the incredible, flavourful and meltingly unctuous chicken soup that Elain served for dinner, but then they had buttered rice with herbs and chicken with ginger and garlic and it was the best thing that he’s ever eaten. Bar none. The soup melted over his bones, over his lungs, filling his chest with warmth and nutrition.

“I must tell you something, Ms. Archeron,” he decided, once the roaring and the howling was done, and Piglet resumed his munching.

“And that is what, Mr. Night?” 

“Sleeping with you and eating your food, made by your lovely hands is the only panacea that I need in my life. Therefore, as you can understand, I can no longer leave you, because otherwise, I will wither from illness and die,” he concluded dramatically.

Elain clutched her chest and exclaimed, “oh, the exquisite drama of it all!”

“I should think so.”

“You’ll be fine,” she told him firmly.

“I will be. With you,” he agreed, and poured both of them more wine. “Thank you. For this,” he added sincerely. “Amazing dinner. Truly.”

“It's just chicken soup,” Elain shrugged, but she blushed and he knew that she liked the compliment.

“When is your birthday?” he asked suddenly.

She frowned and said, “December 23.”

“Oh, right before Christmas,”

“Yeah,” she sighed. “Not only that, but Feyre’s in on the 21st. The 21st is the Winter Solstice, so naturally, every year, Feyre suddenly turns into a pagan goddess and starts to celebrate with gusto, saying how she was born on the longest night of the year. 

“And then it’s Christmas a week later, so normally, no one cares about my birthday. My sisters will ring me up, sometimes we’ll go for drinks, and that’s about it. Dad sends money,”

Azriel smiled at that, “that’s a dad move”.

“Yeah, fifty quid without fail. Every year. In a card. Pretty sure his secretary is the one responsible for sending it.”

“So, do you need a date for Feyre’s birthday then?” he inquired boldly.

Elain shook her head in disbelief, 

“So you are inviting yourself?”

“Actually, I am inviting Rhys,”

“Oh, so you are bringing yourself AND your cousin to someone’s birthday?”

“Maybe Cass too,” Azriel shrugged.

“Oh, so it’s a Night brothers shindig then?”

“Yeah, we know how to party.”

“No doubt.”

“So then? Yeah. I am your date?” he pressed.

“I mean, do I even have a choice at this point?”

“Not really.”

“Seems like it.”

Azriel finished up his meal and looked outside the window. He folded his hands on his stomach, relaxing back in the chair.

“It’s late,” he said vaguely.

“It’s not even eight yet,” Elain commented, drawing her finger over the rim of the glass.

“Yeah. Late.”

“O-kay.”

“See, Pink is already asleep,” he motioned towards the dog, who was sprawled on the carpet, looking like a giant loaf, snoring peacefully.

“That’s just his after-dinner nap. He does that a lot.”

“Yeah…So I am thinking,” Azriel began and Elain tensed, looking at him apprehensively. He tsked and said, “I think I should stay over. Tonight. With my fever and all. Wouldn’t make sense to take a turn for the worse after making so much progress…Besides,” he gave a hammy exaggerated wince, “my leg hurts a lot.”

Elain crossed her arms on her chair, watching this piss poor performance.

“Is that so?”

“Yes! It’s all pretty dire, if I am being honest.”

“So dire that you are unable to call for an Uber or even your driver?”

“Dev has a hot date. Wouldn't be right to bother him. And Ubers are so…impersonal.”

“Are you just sitting in front of me, lying through your teeth?” she asked with a sigh.

“Maybe.”

“What do you want, Mr. Night?”

“I would like to spend the night, Ms. Archeron.”

[sona-verse01]

PAC

CHANNELLED LOVE QUOTES & SONGS

Take deep breath, and choose the picture/number that calls you.

Quotes from your Future spouse/partner (not your crush).

Disclaimer:

Images/quotes/songs are not mine. Found on internet.

Since, I am very bad in writing quotes, I channel messages & feelings, then search for suitable quotes on internet, that have same message.

Some quotes are a part of a song or poem. Others are written by writers.

Quotes are chosen on the basis of your FS/FP's energy, feelings & messages.

For entertainment purpose.

Don't copy/steal/translate my work.

Songs are in Indian languages, so if you don't understand that language, you can look for translation or just leave it.

Pile 1

Quotes:

"I fell in love the way you fall asleep: slowly, and then all at once."

"Hit me like a ray of sun, Burning through my darkest night. You're the only one that I want, Think I'm addicted to your light."

"If I had a single flower for every time I think about you, I could walk through my garden forever."

"He's more myself than I am. Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same."

"Take me into your loving arms, Kiss me under the light of a thousand stars, Place your head on my beating heart, I'm thinking out loud, Maybe we found love right where we are."

"Being with you and not being with you is the only way I have to measure time."

"Grow old along with me; the best is yet to be."

"Every love story is beautiful, but ours is my favorite."

"Because of you, I laugh a little harder, cry a little less, and smile a lot more."

"I like to be alone. But I would rather be alone with you."

Songs:

Pile 2

Quotes:

"How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. I love thee to the depth and breadth and height, My soul can reach."

"Cause all of me loves all of you. Love your curves and all your edges, all your perfect imperfections."

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

"Absence is to love as wind is to fire; it extinguishes the small and kindles the great."

"I carry your heart with me (i carry it in my heart)."

'"How do you spell 'love'?" - Piglet. "You don't spell it...you feel it." - Pooh'

"I may not be your first date, kiss or love... but I want to be your last everything."

"One day, we'll never have to say goodbye, just good night."

"When you smile at me you brighten up my day more than the sun ever could."

"When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible."

Songs:

Pile 3

Quotes:

"Baby it's you. You're the one I love, You're the one I need, You're the only one I see."

"When I say I love you more, I don't mean I love you more than you love me. I mean I love you more than the bad days ahead of us, I love you more than any fight we will ever have. I love you more than the distance between us, I love you more than any obstacle that could try and come between us. I love you the most."

"Maybe I don't know that much but I know this much is true, I was blessed because I was loved by you."

"Love is missing someone when you're apart, but somehow feeling warm inside because you're close in the heart."

"You don't love someone for their looks, or their clothes or for their fancy car, but because they sing a song only you can hear."

"Love is friendship set on fire and you are my spark."

"If I know what love is, it is because of you."

"I hope you don't mind that I put down in words, How wonderful life is while you're in the world."

"Come live in my heart and pay no rent."

"Together with you is my favorite place to be."

Songs:

Pile 4

Quotes:

"Immature love says: 'I love you because I need you.' Mature love says 'I need you because I love you.'"

"Life is a flower of which love is the honey."

"Don't want to close my eyes, I don't want to fall asleep, 'Cause I'd miss you baby, and I don't want to miss a thing."

"Romance is the glamour which turns the dust of everyday life into a golden haze."

"For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul."

"Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies."

"Love is a friendship set to music."

"For the two of us, home isn't a place. It is a person. And we are finally home."

"Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage."

"Love is not only something you feel, it is something you do."

Songs:

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[kandisheek]

FIC REC WEEK 42 – ANIMAL FIC

Dessert First by newtypeshadow

Pairing: Steve/Tony Rating: E Words: 4,349 Tags: A/B/O, Identity Porn, Soulmates

Summary: Whoever they are, just the scent of the alpha and beta couple Tony dog-sat for jumpstarted his heat a week early. And now they want to meet him. And probably kill him for stinking up their house with pre-heat scent. (Bucky and Steve do not, in fact, want to kill him.)

Reasons why I love it: Yaaas, I love it when Steve, Tony and Bucky go coocoo bananas for each others’ scents. Their first interaction is both sweet and hot as hell, and of course Dodger is the best boy there ever was. This fic is wonderful, and if you haven't yet, you should definitely read it!

Oh bother by nanasekei

Pairing: Steve/Tony Rating: NR Words: 1,684 Tags: Established Relationship, Fluff, Piglet

Summary: At a vacation on a farm, a piglet imprints on Tony.

Reasons why I love it: Awww, I don't know who's more adorable, the piglet stealing all of Tony's attention or Steve getting irrationally jealous over it. I love how Tony resolves the situation and how fluffy the ending is – the last few paragraphs always makes my heart melt. If you haven't read this one yet, you should definitely get right on that!

So Show Me Family by isozyme

Pairing: Gen Rating: G Words: 4,776 Tags: Fluff, Team as Family, Learning to Love Animals

Summary: Tony shrugs super casually. "Sure. Sure, dogs, who doesn't like dogs, let's build a picket fence and go jogging, it'll look great for the press. Avengers: Earth's Mightiest Puppy Rescuers, who doesn't love that as a headline, right?" It's a golden retriever puppy, completely disarming and still fuzzy with its baby fur. Tony does not like dogs.

Reasons why I love it: Avengers family feelings to the max! Everyone's reactions to Freedom the dog are super in character, and I love Tony's journey of slowly but surely coming and to accept and – dare I say – love the dog. This fic is wonderful, and if you haven't read it yet, you are seriously missing out!

Canine Cupid by itsallAvengers

Pairing: Bucky/Tony Rating: G Words: 2,312 Tags: No Powers AU, Dogs, Meet-Cute

Summary: Bucky meets Tony at the park on a Monday Morning. This is because his dog has just knocked Tony flat on his back and Bucky has a brief moment to wonder whether his pet just gave a man irreversible brain damage. (He hasn't. But he has landed his owner a cool new date)

Reasons why I love it: Okay, first of all, the name Gandalf for a dog makes me happier than I can say. The fact that he's also posing as a matchmaker on the side is brilliant. I love this meet-cute, it's super sweet and incredibly fluffy in all the ways I love, and Tony being an incorrigible flirt mere seconds after being run over is fantastic. Definitely check this one out, it's wonderful!

let's do the impawssible by nanasekei

Pairing: Steve/Tony Rating: NR Words: 8,010 Tags: No Powers AU, Crack Treated Seriously, Animal Transformation

Summary: Steve had always been good with dogs.

Reasons why I love it: When it comes to dogs, apparently Steve can't have just one. And the explanation for that, when it comes, literally made my jaw drop, it's so much fun. Plus, I love the whole lore behind Tony's condition and who Dummy is in this story. This fic is cracky and wonderful, and you should definitely read it!

[vampirevatican]

Slashers with a very mouthy and sarcastic final Mc?

oh this is just my speed anon.

GHOST 🦊

he thrives off the banter

you're his final kill, and extremely deserving of that title

infact he might keep the mc alive for longer just because of it

every one liner he has you deliver a comeback that just gets him going

not to mention he's the ultimate innuendo killer when it comes to talking about stabbing or killing the mc

"you know what i'd like more? the sound of your body squelching over me entering you." he says raising his knife and you say "well good luck, it's gonna be a bit tricky. im slippery and a tight fit." and he's rock solid.

MIKE 🐺

he's not talkative but he does like pushback while knowing he's in control.

you're his plaything. on his grounds, and you're fighting back? how cute.

"if you're gonna kill me, speed it up. im gonna escape." he tilts his head at you confused at the notion. you can't escape him. and who gave you the power to?

just don't make jokes... he doesn't quite get them and it pisses him off when they're at his expense.

LEATHER 🐷

"brave piglet. stupid piglet."

he actually loves the fighting spirit

it nice to see you've got a little spice in your tongue and fight in you

though i feel like there's a way to piss him off with it, it'd be under certain circumstances

JAY 🐑

be nice to him.

he's very unpredictable so, being snarky isn't the best

he'll either deflate and feel bad or worse get really upset

[fetishfairytales2]

Besties 8 (Story)

This was originally written as a continuation of a story by [no longer active] called Besties.

—————

"Ain't happening, piglet!" I scoffed, as I pressed the vibrator against the super sensitive head of his pathetic clitty. His eyes shot back in his skull, groaning and wailing in a combination of ecstasy and torment, wrestling with the restraints as sweat dripped down his flushed face. "But don't stress, Brandi, darling, we're just revving up!"

Preparing to step up his torment, I dipped my hand back into the bedside secret stash. "Well, well, well..." I whispered, charging the air with delicious dread. "Seems Mommy likes it when Daddy plays dirty, huh?" I plucked out the bondage tape, holding it in one hand while maintaining the vibrator's relentless assault. I tore a couple of strips and got to work, wrapping them secure tightly around his twitching, helpless sissy twig and the relentless vibrator.

I took a hot minute to soak in the pathetic sight of him. He was twitching all over, that sissy dick bouncing up and down as if begging for attention. The sheer desperation in his whimpers was just golden. "Aw, what's the matter, Brandon?" I spit out, smirking at his sissy ass. "Lost control, huh? Ugh, such a weakling." 

Back at it with the toy, pressing it against his stiff cock. "So, are you picturing Heather and Conner together now, huh?" I could see a look of dread and excitement in that sorry excuse for a man's eyes. "Unlike your sorry ass, Conner's showing Heather what a real fuck feels like!" His humiliation grew as I laughed at him. "That's why you're stuck here in diapers and he gets to fuck your girlfriend!"

I wagged my finger in his face, watching him moan deeper. “I swear, Brandi, if you dare to spill even a smidge of pre-cum, I'll fucking lose it on you." I put on my best bitchy face, smirking down at him. "You better behave if you ever want a chance to make ‘cummies’ again," I chuckled, mocking him with air quotes. "Got it, princess?" 

As Brandi there squirmed like a worm on a hook, I made myself comfy on the bed, resting my head on his pathetic chest. While he moaned and groaned in his pleasure/pain bubble, I geared up for some reading. "Heather's message time, sissy boy," I reminded him, winking.

"Damn, Heathers been a busy bee," I couldn't help but gawk at the flood of texts on my screen. Poor Brandi choked on his gag, wishing he was in Conor’s shows. The level of details in the texts I’m sure pinched him a little more. Boy, I was having a ball.

“Let’s see what Mommy says,” I winked and cleared my throat, doing my best impression of Heather. “‘Connor just loves how I’m a little cum slut for him. And the kinky shit he enjoys, oh my God girl! Like when I swallow his dick all the way to his balls," I paused, hooking Brandi with a wicked grin. “Apparently they’re trying new things too…” I stopped for a minute to build the anticipation in Brandi’s eyes "...anal. She says he drools over her tight ass, he just can’t get enough of it.” I tried to get as dirty as possible, wanting to tear apart Brandi’s heart and still swell his cock in it’s cage. “She wants you to know that while she would never, EVER, lower herself to let you fuck her ass, 'Daddy Conner can plow her backdoor anytime he pleases'!" I sniggered, empathy or pity miles away from my mind. Brandon's humiliation thrilled me no end as Heather's texts added fuel to the fire. 

"Got it, Brandi? This is what your sweet innocent girlfriend does with real studs." I flaunted the phone in my hands, detailing the fun sissy Brandi was losing out on. "She says she loves to be on her knees, worshiping his massive cocks. Her lips explore every inch, she says she would even rim his ass if he wanted. She says he's the alpha male, that she loves when he puts her on her knees, grabs her by the hair, and forces her to deep throat his massive cock. It turns her on so much when such a strong man is making her plead for him to jizz all over her face and tits.”

There I was, staring down at Brandon’s gross, ugly, sissy face. He had a disgusting mix of enjoyment tangled up with a last ditch effort to hold on to his long-lost manhood. "Seriously Brandi,” I rolled my eyes. You really thought you ever deserved Heather? Pathetic." This just about did it. I could see him getting as rigid as might be possible, his hands clawing white-knuckled at the bedspread. Poor sissy bitch was going to cum hearing about his girlfriend fucking another guy!

"Aww, relax, Brandi," I added in the very same sweet voice, holding his gaze like he was on a leash. "Guess what? Your sexy ass girlfriend has gotten lucky. She’s on to bigger and better things! Now she’s Conner's fucktoy.” I laughed; No shit sissy, how great is that? A serious improvement from the nightmare of your worthless ass humping on top of her for 30 seconds before spooging your sissy goo on her belly. She gets off every single time with him, can you believe that? Heather told me that you had never given her a single orgasm.” I leaned in, licking a tear from his cheek, loving how destroyed he looked. “She had nothing but lousy, fake moans for you every single time! You can't hold a candle to a real man like Conner, can you?" My lips curled in a wild smirk, and I could sense his orgasm coming quickly. "Heather owns you, but guess what? Conner fucking owns her. Guess that means you’re both his bitches!”

God, the loser was quaking like a leaf and his pitiful excuse for a dick was throbbing pathetically. "Got a problem, sissy Brandi?" I teased. The poor thing nearly creamed his Pampers hearing about how Heather had turned him into a cuck. I pressed up against him, my chest smothering his face while my hand held that buzzing toy against his sad little sissy clit. 

He was like a puppet on my string, his body jerked on the brink of the sissygasm. The loser's eyes were bugging out of his skull - a hilarious sight as he suffered. "Come on, what’s the issue sissy?" I taunted, close enough to feel his pathetic panting against my skin. My own arousal was spiking as I got more wicked by the second. Licking his ear, my other hand sneaked into my panties, feeling extra naughty. Humiliating Brandon was pure ecstasy, sending thrilling shivers straight down to my swollen clit. I wanted to overpower him completely, make him crumble entirely.

“Mmm,” I moaned as I played with my clit, taking my hand out of my panties, my fingers slick with my own arasal. I ran my wet fingers over Brandon’s face and through his hair. “That’s it Sissy!” I cooed. "Cum for me, Brandi-Baby, let it all go," My voice was sugar sweet as I coaxed it out of him. Hah! As if that pathetic fool could ever cum like a real man. He was so close to losing it, his pleasure-painted face teetering on the edge of orgasm. "Show me what a tough guy you are, cum for your sweet cuckysitter!” I taunted, the thought of him caving to my demands making me even hotter. Turns out, there's nothing quite as amazing as taking a cocky jerk and grinding him down into a subservient, simping, and squirming sissy

"Ugh, Brandon, you pathetic loser!" I sneered down at him, watching his spunk settle in his nappy - still trickling out from his puny pecker. "Really, Brandi? Getting your sick kicks from hearing stories about your gal getting down with a real man?" I hopped off his chest, plonking myself beside the shrunken sissy. I dipped a finger in his loser puddle, taunting him with the evidence. "Aw, look! You're just a sick, messed up little cucky, aren't ya, girlie?" My sadistic grin was unshakeable as I saw the panic flash of humiliation across his face. "Ahh, sweetie, you're going to have to be punished now," I chuckled, his dread washing over his face. "Should've listened to Ms. Lyndsey when she told you not to spunk everywhere, ya helpless slut!"

[glowstone23b]

:DD!!! yes!! a wither!! (i saw a video once of some guy spawning a wither in the nether and letting these piglins have at em, cuz theyre naturally aggroed on wither skeletons as enemies and i thought it was super cool- i think one suevived nearly the whole fight? and it just,, gave me ideas!)

the immortality thing is kinda like a player status thingy! so yeah! (in part cuz im super attached to some of them, namely dereck, rylan, and grimm; and so i while i was super cool with them getting hurt and outcasted and going thru a lot of angst essentially, i was super super uncomfortable with them experiencind death in any permanent capacity, so here we are 😔) so respawning is a thing! and my thought was since players (people playing the game) are able to be any kinda skin they desire, i figured itd make sense like this "player" status was bestowed upon them like a gods blessing! if that makes any sense,,

and yea so with dereck, with his withered status, it cant really go away cuz he was withered BEFORE the wither died and he got blessed, aha 🤭 🤷 (lol i just thought that what if he treats his condition with milk like in game, and so he keeps trades with zombie piglins and other players who go to the overworld so he can drink it since its not available in the nether omg *enter he needs some milk vine* and and lol if he does nothing to take care of it hes just gonna fall into a death loop cuz hes immortal 👀)

omg flint is so cute i wanna draw em together 😭 who knows if i have time tho. they WOULD be friends omg taking care of the littol ones together 🥺🥺

thank you!! i love the wither star idea! just a littol trophy for him ^-^

dereck loves u too

How tall would you say your ocs are? Dereck here but rylan and grimm for future reference? No reason (I lie, it’s for drawing reasons). I would love to draw them together also!! I love piglins :) if you couldn’t tell fhdbsjsk

Poor guy with his chronic illness & pain 😔 but hey he’s a good channel for staying on good terms with the local overworld villages and whatnot bc of trade routes, it works out! RIP dude, don’t fall into a death loop… maybe overworld like… cow’s milk has special properties that help soothe ailments that are caused by negative statuf effects? I assume they could probably get milk from hoglins or like. Idk. Ghasts or something fbdbsjjs or maybe if nether fungus variants of mooshrooms existed? Who knows!

I’d like to see that tbh— I’m surprised a bastion could hold their own against a wither in game 😳 that’d be interesting to see the outcome of for sure! Makes sense why an oc would come of it, haha.

I have a couple more piglins in the works, but I’ll have to refine designs, tbh. I’d love to have a solid brute, but most of the ones I come up with end up being retired brutes or dropouts/wannabes, lol. Maybe a good set of piglets to draw consistently or something, too. Idk I have a bastion in my head and I just need inhabitants for it 🤔

Trying to find a good in between for in-game mechanics versus irl influences is so tough !! I do my best but sometimes I realism too hard. It’s kinda fun to mess with though :D

[gudsouplady]

Watching Christopher Robin for the first time (2018) (spoilers)

• The introduction to the film is absolutely brilliant like a children’s book

• I love the adaptations of the live action Winnie the Pooh characters (they look like stuffed toys which is adorable)

• Eyeore’s voice is so ominous it’s amazing

• The rabbit and the owl argue like an old married couple which is quite hilarious

• The cake looked so delicious it didn’t deserve to be demolished so violently :(

• the scenery in this film is so beautiful alongside the emotional dialogue between Pooh and Christopher (both compliment each other so well )

• Why is Christopher going to boarding school ? They’re depicted as being miserable in every movie that mentions them ( Are they that bad ??? )

• HE LEFT THE DRAWINGS BEHIND :(

• Was drawing during class that bad that there was punishment ??

• His dad died ( but he was mean so I guess it’s not that bad)

• Piglet being Pooh’s therapist is so cute ☺️ (second best friendship in this film)

• MARK GATISS,PETER CAPALDI AND SIMON FARNABY ARE IN THIS FILM (3 absolutely brilliant actors)

• Evelyn is so pretty 🤩

• Evelyn x Christopher (power couple)

• NOOOO Christopher got shipped off to war when Evelyn was pregnant

• Evelyn named the baby madeleine

• I’m happy Christopher and Madeline met :) (but they seemed tense)

• Christopher aged poorly tbh and Evelyn aged better

• YOU CAN’T SHUT YOUR FAMILY OUT LIKE THAT, CHRISTOPHER (Physically and emotionally)

• I LOVE THE SUITCASE KNOCKING OVER (best moment with absolutely no plot relation)

• Mark Gatiss acting as an authority figure is brilliant (Mycroft Holmes and Giles)

• Madeline is a smart girl with an imagination similar to her father

• Madeline is fed up with her dad and she should be, her dad literally shuts her away and expects her to to study all the time but she’s got to have her childhood whilst she still has it

• Madeline’s note got ruined :(

• POOH WITHOUT HONEY AND HIS BESTIES (poor guy)

• The door between One hundred acre wood and London reminds me of the door between the real world and the other world in the Coraline universe

• POOH REUNITED WITH CHRISTOPHER :) (Second best friendship in this film)

• I DON’T LIKE THE NEXT DOOR NEIGHBOUR

• Pooh hugs Christopher but he move away :(

• Christopher breaks his promises

• I hate that Christopher loses his temper Every 5 seconds

• POOH’S NOT HUMAN SO HE CAN’T RELATE TO CHRISTOPHER

• Don’t leave Pooh alone 😖

• Pooh has some fast legs

• Christopher deserved to get concussed and good luck to him finding his way back to London

• Eyeore is so cute he doesn’t need to got down the waterfall and get flung up into the air

• Piglet is the only one who thinks things through

• Do the animals in one hundred acre. Wood not age ????

• Christopher and Eyeore are a comedic duo

• THEY FOUND POOH :) (EMOTIONAL HEART TO HEART) 😢😢

• THEY SLEPT NEXT TO EACH OTHER (Pooh and Christopher)

• Tigger is underrated :)

• Roo asks all the correct questions

• THE BALLON ON THE BENCH 🩷

• Evelyn and Madeline are so mad at you Christopher, They don’t want to see you

• Evelyn is the best mother 🏆

• THE HUNDRED ACRE WOOD GANG ARE ICONIC AND READY YO SAVE CHRISTOPHER

• HE’S PLAYING THE “SAY WHAT YOU SEE GAME ” LIKE WHAT POOH DOES 💛

• Madeline is a great tennis player 🎾

• THE GANG MET MADELINE AND SHE HAS A RIGHT TO BE SCARED !!!

• Tigger spawns in gracefully with a music number which is amazing 😁

• Pooh : I don’t know south (Me in geography)

• IF YOU LEAVE A CHILD ALONE EVEYLN, THEY’RE GOING TO RUN OFF

• Madeline can control the gang better than Christopher

• Madeline is so reckless and responsible at the Same time

• Does tigger not know what he looks like ????

• Madeline is like an escape master

• THE MOST INTENSE BUSINESS MEETING

• the van driver doesn’t know about the suitcase hanging by a thread (literally) that fell off their van

• Christopher trying to explain everything is so serious and funny at the same time

• The office worker trying to conclude that Christopher is insane is so dumb

• NOOO SHE FELL DOWN THE STAIRS REALISING THE PAPERS ALL OVER LONDON

• Christopher is being a good father and husband (took him long enough)

• Get roasted Giles !!!

• Everyone reunited at one hundred acre wood

• Pooh and his honey 🍯

• THE ENDING IS SO BEAUTIFUL (Pooh and Christopher have the best friendship in this movie)

I give this film a 9.5 out of ten because I wanted to see a bit more of Madeline and Evelyn