#but you know piglet does his best

[fairmerthefarmer]

I grew up on a farm, and I also grew up watching so much Winnie the Pooh over and over again, mostly the original shorts.

So anyway ONE time when I was in highschool or something my dad was quietly singing the rain song from the blustery day to himself on the way to go bale some hay with the tractor. Like “the rain rain rain came down down down so piglet started bailing�� and now I can never hear that song without thinking of piglet riding in a little tractor.

Please don’t mind my very hastily done animation

[fraugwinska]

I know canonically Alastor doesn't sleep but let's assume it's not because he doesn't have to but because he doesn't want to - he feels powerless and vulnerable when he sleeps, also he is tormented by nightmares.

What if one night everyone is waken up by hotel almost falling apart: walls are cracking, everything is shaking, and a green glow is flowing through the corridors. Turns out, Alastor is asleep and having a very bad nightmare. And unless they want the hotel to fall apart, someone has to wake Alastor up... (reader volunteers as a tribute)

LOTS of angst with a comfor ending? :)

You ask, Anon - and I deliver (at last)! Thank you for being so patient with me! Today just felt right to write this, and I sincerely hope you find it worth the wait! <3 TW: Depictions of Blood - Minors DNI - 2.8k words

The Eye of the Storm

"What the fuck is going on?!"

Another loud boom shakes the ground of the corridor, almost making you trip and fall if not for the handrail you managed to grab. Angels door opened at the other end, a scared squeal of Fat Nuggets faintly audible as Angel stumbled out, clearly as startled and scared as you.

"Fuck, toots, what is that?"

"I have no idea!"

You had no idea, but whatever was causing it, the entire building was shaking like in an earthquake and you were terrified some of the older, worn out parts of your floor could collapse any moment. The cracks on the walls were growing with every rumble, and a bright, green glow had overtook the lamps, turning the usually warm and inviting space into an eerie nightmare.

You exchanged a terrified look with Angel, both of you unsure what to do next. He hurried over to you, his piglet shaking in two of his arms, taking your hand with his free one and pulled you with him. "C'mon, we need to find Charlie, before the fucking ceiling falls on our heads."

You didn't even have the time to reply before the lights went off, a terrified scream leaving your mouth before you could stop it. You heard a string of curses from Angel and felt him squeeze your hand tighter. The both of you ran down the stairs as fast as you were able to in the dim darkness. You tripped several times, but Angel held you steady, trying his best to not fall himself. The lights went on again with another rumble, making the stairway moan like it was in pain.

"Charlie! Vaggie!"

You reached the lobby, where you found the rest of the residents already gathered. Everyone was there, looking shaken and confused, but unharmed. You saw them look around and then up to the ceiling, the cracking of the wood and walls sounding louder and more violent than upstairs.

"Ey, you two, are yo' hurt?" Husk yelled over the noise, his eyes scanning Angel with a worried look.

You shook your head, letting the spiders hand go so he could run up to Husk, who took his pig into his arms and hugged Angel close.

"Is everyone alright? Where's Niffty... and Alastor?" Charlie's voice sounded shaky, and you could tell she was doing her best to keep calm and not freak out.

"I'm here!" The little cyclops girl appeared behind Sir Pentious's hat, her eye wide. "But I think Alastor's not okay."

"What do you mean?" Vaggie asked, her hands stiff on Charlies trembling shoulders.

Niffty looked around, biting her lip. "He has bad dreams sometimes, and he's really scary when he does, and then stuff like this happens. He can't control his powers, and-"

"Wait, so it's HIM who's causing all of this?" Vaggie's eye widened in anger and another boom made the whole lot of you duck as the glasses from the bar fall from their shelves, flooding the floor with shards of glass and debris.

"Yes, but he can't help it, it's his brain messing up! We need to help him!"

Vaggie cursed, while Charlie and the others started to ramble over another.

"Someone has to wake him up, before the hotel really collapses."

"Are 'ya crazy, Charls? We can't go in there!"

"Yeah, at this state, yo' won't know that fucker won't rip yo' to shreds befo' you even reach his room."

"It'ssss better to evacuate, I think."

"And leave the building to fall into pieces? Ugh, maldito idiota de la radio..."

Your head turned worriedly back to the green glowing corridor. Alastor. What the hell kind of bad dream would make him lose control over his powers like that? Niffty said it was his brain messing up, whatever that meant - did he really suffer from nightmares? You felt a sting of worry for the deer demon. You didn't even want to imagine the kind of terrors he had to have in his head to cause something like this.

"I'm gonna go."

Everyone stopped talking and looked at you. Husk gave you an incredulous look, still holding Angel and the pig in his arms. "Y-yo' can't be serious. That's straight-up suicide."

You shook your head. "Someone has to. I'll be fine, just... get out of here, wait outside and make sure no one is getting hurt."

Angel tore himself out of the cat demons grasp, taking you by your shoulders, his eyes pleading. "Toots, Alastor is not himself right now. He can't control what the fuck he's doing, and if he hurts 'ya, I don't... Please, don't do this, that bastard ain't worth it."

You knew the spider demon was worried, and you appreciated your friends' concern, but he didn't know the Radio Demon as well as you did. You were aware of his reputation, the stories of his atrocities and his sadistic nature. You knew how cruel and unforgiving he could be, but you also knew that over the last few weeks, he had shown you a softer, less menacing side. You and him bonded over his love of cooking and your love of eating what he prepared, over your shared interest for record players and classical music and your affinity to magic and the obscure. He could be a lot of things, but he wasn't just the bloodthirsty serial killer most of the denizens of hell made him out to be.

You gave the spider a smile, putting a hand on his shoulder and squeezed. "Don't worry about me, Angel, it's going to be alright. He's my friend, I can't just leave him in there to get crushed by the building."

Before you could be held back, you started to run towards the stairs. Charlie cried out to you, but you ignored her, you just took a last glance back, shouting as you vanished into the darkness.

"Just trust me, and get your asses out of here."

"Fuck."

The group stood there, unsure what to do, and a loud snap coming from the second floor made them turn and run for the doors.

The higher you climbed the stairs, the more intense the shaking and rumbling got. You had to crawl on the steps at times, because it was too dangerous to walk, and you didn't trust your legs not to give way under you. The walls were splitting, the green light was burning in the lamps, and the air was crackling with what seemed like dark magic, ominous glowing symbols appearing and fading in your vicinity.

When you finally reached Alastor's door, it was already hanging from the hinges. It had probably blown when the magic started to burst out in violent waves, the green glow brightly pulsating and threatening from within the inside. You wondered if your heart could beat any faster without giving way. It wasn't the first time you were scared witless, hell wasn't exactly a carnival. But as much as you believed the best about Alastor, he still was one of hell's most powerful overlords. He still had countless bodies in his name. You trusted him, but if Niffty and the others were right - and it seemed to be the case that they were - he had little to no control over himself when lost in a nightmare. Could a demon like him sleepwalk and kill you in their sleep?

You took a breath and squared your shoulders, turning around to call into the room, not daring to set a foot inside yet.

"Alastor? It's me. Can you hear me?"

The rattling of the sudden radio static made the framed pictures on the wall shatter to the ground, and from the edge of your field of vision you noticed the lights fade once more, turning the already ghost-like bedroom almost black. You reached for the doorway and lowered your voice.

"It's me, you have to listen, okay? It's okay. I just came to check on you. It's safe now. You are safe."

No answer, again. The darkness felt suffocating, as if it was about to crush you any minute. You felt dizzy, disoriented, like a rabbit that had caught the eyes of a fox. You didn't dare say anything else, not until you could at least see him, figure out what was going on. With shaking legs, you took a step over the threshold. The lamps flickered again and you tried your best not to stumble as you scanned the room in front of you in between the shutters of brightness for traces of the other demon.

When you found him, you had to bite down a cry of horror.

You wished you hadn't.

He was curled up and violently shaking on his bed, the covers ripped and laying in pieces around his sweating body. His head was almost between his knees, hair spiky and disheveled and his overgrown and twisted antlers slicing the mattress and pillows with every tremor rushing through him. You could barely see him, the flickering lights making his face obscured in the shadows, but what you could see made your heart sink. He was sobbing in between shattering breaths, his chest heaving up and down erratically and his claws digging deep ridges into his torso as his body jerked and twisted, blood pooling into the covers in deep red.

"Al." You couldn't control yourself anymore. The shock, the dread and worry freed your legs from their stupor and you rushed to the hunched form, nearly stumbling on the ripped fabrics.

His eyes flew open at the touch of your fingers, burning in bright crimson with ticking dials as irises, almost completely overtaking his entire eye sockets. The howling of radio static screeched from his lips as the room shook again as he bared his sharp teeth, his clawed hands swiping at you with violent intensity that send you flying on the ground. You tried to catch yourself, but fell to your side, letting out a pained cry as you felt the wound on your waist, dripping with blood and split wide open.

You watched him with wide eyes as his limbs grew, afraid to even move. His stare was petrifying you, you had never seen such violent, uncontrolled expression on him. He growled, his head turning towards you, his mouth, no, maw opening. He looked like he wasn't there anymore, that nothing left was inside besides a manic creature ready to slaughter everything it crossed. A nightmarish beast in its lair that had cornered a small helpless prey, ready to be swallowed alive.

He got up in one swift motion, the pieces of fabric that once were bedcovers flying through the air and a dark aura creeping into your vicinity. Your breath hitched. You couldn't get out of his range with him like that, the open wound kept you from moving fast, and his maw was so big it seemed he could rip you apart by just inhaling.

"Alastor, it's okay. It's me." you breathed, desperate not to lose hope. There must be something that could call to him in the deepest parts of his mind, something that could snap him out of this lucidity. You scrambled back as he stepped in front of you, lowering his head to meet your eye level. His claws dragged on the floor beside him, and in a sudden, swift move, his large hands grasped you, the pressure on the gash blindingly painful.

"I-It's okay, it's not y-you, it's just a bad dream. I'm here to h-help you. Let me..." You gasped, a sob leaving your throat as his claws started to dig into you.

"Nnnghh... Y...-you c..c-c-an't ...-he..lp...m...m-e-e.."

A snarl left his lips and he raised his face into the air, his arms lifting you effortlessly and you whimpered in fear. Pushing through the hazy fog that invaded your brain, you tried again.

"Please, Al, j-just look at me. Wake up a-and look at me. You'll be okay."

"W...-why d-d..id..-.yo...-u co..-m-e... -h..e-re...?"

The blood loss was making you feel faint, and you lifted a bloody hand, desperate to touch him, to reach the man behind the monster. With blurry eyes, you brushed his cheek, his face just near enough your fingertips reached the fizzing skin. It felt like dipping your hand in pure electricity, numbing and painful, but you didn't care.

"Because you a-are scared and h-hurting, and I care about y-you. What f-friend would I be if I l-let you s-suffer alone?"

At your words, his enormous form shivered, and you felt his grip on you loosen ever so slightly. The dials fixed on you were still ticking, but the red of his eyes dimmed. Your other hand came up, slowly, to take the other side of his face.

"Can you wake up for me, Alastor?"

More growling, more shaking.

"Pl-please. Wake up and come b-back to me."

His eyes flicked, the howling static became more hushed and his ears twitched under the forks of his antlers. You took a shuddering breath of relief as the animalistic stare on his face lost its threatening gaze and felt the buzz under your fingers slowly dying down. The sharpness under your hands subsided fully as you saw Alastor shrink back, slowly becoming aware again of his surroundings. The green glow that filled the room flickered and turned into the familiar oranges and reds. You held onto his face and his eyes, not daring to let him go until he had finally settled and transformed back into his regular form, the last clicks of the vanishing dials fading as his irises turned to dim reds once again.

"What happened. Why are you..." The sound of his familiar voice was all you wanted to hear now. As your legs gave away, you didn't fall however, Alastor's slender hands were quick to catch you, his smile confused and irritated. He let his eyes travel down your arms to the wound and pools of crimson surrounding you, and back at your face, now pale.

"What do you think you are doing, dear." he breathed, settling you down slowly on the ground.

"You had a nightmare. The hotel... everything was chaos. I had to come, had to... get you out of it." you stammered, watching him looking around to see the damage, his face warped in realization as he put the pieces together.

"Fuck!"

It was rare to hear the usually so poised and reserved Radio Demon swear, but for this situation you'd agree it was entirely appropriate. But the hotel still stood and he was back, and that was all that mattered. When he took you up in his arms and buried his face in your neck, you felt the more alive than in the whole time on earth.

"You foolish girl. You could've been killed by my hands."

You let him embrace you, his long arms circling around you protectively and his forehead resting on the hollow of your throat.

"But I wasn't." you said simply, smiling weakly into his hair. Your arms felt heavy but they still managed to find their way onto his back, reassuring and tender, letting him know you were fine, mangled maybe, but alive and there. You stayed that way for a moment, both of you unable to move or say something as you found some grounding in each other's warmth and the now peaceful silence.

The quiet was broken, however, when you heard frantic footsteps in the hall outside and the uproarious group of the hotel staff came charging through the opened door, halting when they saw your display. Alastor didn't lift his head, in fact, he didn't move at all. You turned your head, your hand barely leaving his back to give the speechless group a lazy wave.

"Are 'ya ok? I'll kill 'im if 'yer not, I don't give a shi-"

"You were so incredibly brave, oh gosh, look at all this blood. Vaggie, we need to get the first aid kit!"

"I'll get my mop! And a broom, look at the mess!"

"Aye, this fucker really owes you."

"Umm... this is rather... Should we give thossse two a moment?"

"Lo juro por Dios, un día de estos lo voy a matar..."

Through the mass of noise the others made, talking and fussing and scurrying, you heard Alastor's quiet whisper against your bloodied skin, loud and clear.

"Thank you, dearest."

You smiled, closing your eyes and holding him a bit tighter, even if it made your wounded side sting.

"It's okay, Al. What else are friends for?"

[soniclozdplove]

MK Something came up on the mountain. Will explain during training. DO NOT BRING OUR FRIENDS! Especially Jangles! Trust me, you'll understand why when you get here. Monkey King.

MK reread the message for the 100th time, worried over the implications. Not only does Wukong rarely use the phone Mei got him, preferring to simply Astral Project any messages they need to do, but he'd never forbid their friends from joining in on training. Not since they all started training together while fighting against Azure, and Wukong had promised to not keep secrets anymore, what with the Samhadi Fire debacle. So the fact he's asking to keep it a secret is a big deal. Although, as Mei had pointed out when he showed her the message, the other monkey had never explicitly said to keep it a secret, just that he didn't want anyone except MK on the mountain for some reason, likely related to whatever he was going to tell him during training.

"Weird that he pointed out Tang in particular. Like, what did Tang of all people do to make Wukong not want him near!?"

MK didn't know. But as he flew towards the mountain he resolved to find out. The last thing he expected was to be met by a very familiar face when he landed. Or rather, four familiar faces that looked far too similar yet still different from his family to be a coincidence.

"Eeek! Demon boy!!" The Great Monk Tripitaka shrieked as he cowards behind Zu Baijie, Ao Lie, and Sha Wujing. All of them with weapons pointed towards him.

"Aye! Knock it off!" Wukong's voice roared out as he appeared in a flash of gold and red, standing between MK and the others, guarding him. "It's just my c- It's just my successor!"

The weapons immediately drop as the Pilgrims, the ACTUAL PILGRIMS from the STORIES, looked at Wukong incredulously. Zu Baije was the one to voice it.

"You!? A TEACHER!?"

"Yeah, I know!" Wukong snorted, as if hardly believing it himself, "But a lot can change in 1300 years and MK is a good kid. He deserves only the best, Piglet!"

"And... that's you?"

"No, but I'm the one he's got." Wukong's voice was flat, prompting MK to turn his attention to him. He yelped as a well placed kick hit his shin. "MK! What the heck!?"

"What have we talking about regarding self deprivation, Monkey King."

"What... I- that was for you!"

"Still applies!" MK folded his arms triumphantly as the audience began snickering at Wukong's flustered expression as he tried to find a comeback. Eventually his master concedes defeat with a chuckle, throwing his arm around MK in a side hug with a wide grin.

"Alright... well let's do introductions! Master, Ao Lie, Sha Wujing... Piglet. This is Xiaotian, or MK as he prefers, my student and successor. MK, the Pilgrims of the Great Journey... who somehow ended up here!"

"Oh wow! This is like a total dream come true!" MK was practically vibrating as he grinned, only to pause and turn to Wukong as a thought of occurred to him, Wait. Is this why you said Mr. Tang and the others shouldn't come over!?"

"Ah... yeah. That." The Monkey King scratched at his facial fur a but, looking guilty, "I have a good reason for it, MK. Jangles and the rest of these guys' next life in the reincarnation cycle. In all my years of living, I've never experienced a situation where a reincarnation has met their predecessor face to face. I wanted to be cautious in case, like, Jangles meeting Master causes the world to implode or something... again."

"Again?" Tripitaka raised a brow, glancing at Wukong with a concerned look, "Monkey, just what sort of-"

"L-look! We've have some crazy stuff happen recently, okay!? A crazy ice witch turned the mortal realm into an icicle, someone overthrew the Jade Emperor..."

"Somone did WHAT!?"

"And all of reality very nearly kinda sorta shattered when a pillar broke. MK and I managed to fix all of it."

"Yeah, we kicked monkey butt!" MK cheered along, "And only kinda got... emotional, physically, and mentally scarred along the way."

"Only kinda!?" Ao Lie tilted his head, curious, "Would any scarring at all not be considered a big deal?"

Wukong let out a laugh, slinging an arm around MK and the dragon's shoulders.

"Look, it's done and... maybe not over yet, but the main threat is passed. Let's jsut all settle down, I'll put some tea on, and we'll go from there. And maybe make a few calls to Sandy..."

That last part was muttered to himself as he herded the two into his house alongside the rest of the Pilgrims, telling them.not to mind the mess. After all, he shares the place with a bunch of wild monkeys and was still in the middle of cleaning up after Azure.

[reaperexe]

Happy ♡

summary : when Disneyland becomes the happiest place on earth with an unexpected partner.

warnings : angst, fluff to angst, sorry pookie <3

The happiest place on earth definitely didn't feel the happiest when your friend gets the flu and you're too broke to waste your tickets so you just decided to go by yourself.

But that too seemed like a stupid idea now that you stood in line for your favorite ride but without your best friend, the best friend who on call reminds you that everything happens for a reason and maybe you were meant to go alone but you just rolled your eyes at her.

the staff called on you to go take a seat but you were alone and the people behind you were a couple so of course you would sit alone for this ride too, just another pitiful reminder of how you decided to come alone.

So it was pretty surprising when the cute looking guy behind the lovey dovey couple decided to sit next to you. You just prayed that your wide eye didn't scare the guy away before the ride started.

Instead the guy started a conversation with you and suddenly the ride you were so dying to go on seemed not that interesting after all.

You're even more sold when he tells you he came here alone too, something about winning the tickets but you're too focused on the ride around you.

He even offers you his hand when he gets off the ride which you gladly take. He takes you by surprise when he asks "which ride should we go on next?".

We? as in you and him? you ask and he just nods like you asked the most simple question ever, embarrassed you just point to the next ride and let him drag you by the hand there.

He stands next to you in line, talks about the weather, about the ride you're gonna go on and you nod as he does most of the talking for a while.

laughs with you on the ride, holds your hands as it drops from a height, laughs with you while your hair floats up to the sky from the drop.

Even though you decline, still buys the pictures from the ride where you're screaming and he's laughing, he thinks its cute and you think its embarrassing but accept the picture when he shoves it in your palm.

This was YOUR trip now, his and yours. You go on every single lovey dovey ride on your list and all the crazy and dangerous rides he has on his list and its a fair trade.

You're both starving by noon and finally sit down to grab some food and only when you sit is when you realize just how much you had walked up to that point.

That lunch felt more like a catching up with a old friend than with a complete stranger you met a couple hours ago. You accepted the bites he fed you off his plate like it was second nature even offering him your food in spoonfulls.

As the sun began to set you decided to walk to the Disney castle, stopping on your way at one of those carnival games and after you both lose a lot of money you managed to win him a piglet stuffed toy.

He held the piglet in his arms as you two walked up to the castle, making it just in time for the fireworks.

You turned to look at him to see if he's looking at the scene too, just to see his eyes already on you, his face inching closer as you lean in too. The kiss was short but passionate leaving you breathless if even for a moment.

As you pull away he's distracted by the buzzing of his phone, he looks at it before he looks up at you with a sad face and your face drops too.

He mumbles a quick "i have to leave" before turning away and disappearing into the crowd. Your hands reach out fingers barely grazing the back of his shirt before he's out of reach and soon out of sight.

A loud firecracker pulls you out of your daze as you turn back to the bright castle. You briefly look down to the picture held tightly in your hand, the one you took on the ride and you realize he left with the piglet as well, each having a parting gift.

And maybe your friend's words do make sense after all 'everything does happen for a reason' and maybe this place was happy after all.

don't know if i wanna make a part 2 to this but let me know if you would like one.

[itzsana-kiddingmenow]

𝙤𝙛𝙛 𝙗𝙚𝙖𝙩:

𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙙𝙨: 1k

𝙖/𝙣: happy birthday to hyunjin, and my baby @skznccmlee!! i hope this is good enough for you baby :(

𝙩/𝙬: soft tickles, binnie is so teasy dejfufegr

𝒍𝒆𝒆: hyunjin

𝙡𝙚𝙧: changbin

𝒕𝒂𝒈𝒍𝒊𝒔𝒕: @someone-who-loves-kpop-saranghae @jeonginsdiary @leeknowstan33 @v--143 @wereallgonnadieonedaybutnottoday @inkytornpagess @lajanaa @a-wild-seungberry @channieissocute125 @soap143 @seungsluvv @skznccmlee @moony-9 @sunny-117 @minnielvrr @reginald-stay09 @lunalattae @just-hyunlix-things

𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐟𝐢𝐜 𝐢𝐬 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐤𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠! 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐲����𝐮𝐫 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐞? 𝐤𝐞𝐞𝐩 𝐬𝐜𝐫𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐛𝐮𝐛s🖤

The room was filled with the thumping beat of the music, and the smell of sweat and will hung in the air as Changbin and Hyunjin rehearsed their new choreography. Their steps were precise and strong, perfectly synchronized as they moved through the intricate routine. Every turn, every step, was rehearsed until it was well like second nature to them. But, as usual, there was a bantering tension between them, even during the most serious of situations.

"Okay, let's redo that last bit," Changbin said, sweating and swiping the back of his hand over his forehead. "From the top of the bridge, all right?"

Hyune nodded instinctively, panting a little, and they started the music again, this time, a part where Changbin and Hyunjin were right next to each other, holding their hands above their heads.

And Binnie really couldn't resist, okay? His hand came down to poke at Hyunjin's armpit once, and the younger was crumpling like a marionette with its strings cut, a dramatic yell leaving his lips.

Changbin grinned down at the floored ferret, laughing as Hyunjin pouted and frowned at him in a fit of frustrated sensitivity. "Hyung!"

"What? It's not my fault you're so sensitive," Changbin teased. "You nearly died right there!"

Hyunjin huffed. "Did not!"

"Did too~"

"Aish...you're the worst..." Hyunjin muttered under his breath, just to let out a frantic squeal as like a ton of pure muscle came crashing down on top of him, pinning his wrists to his chest. "Hey! What gives?"

"I'm the worst? I'm not the one squealing like a piglet every time someone touches my sides!" Changbin frowned indignantly. "And they call me the dwaekki."

Hyunjin was about to give a really smart response to that. He really was. But fingers were now beginning to trace his sides and he thought it best to shut up before his giggles became that pronounced.

"H-Hyung..." Hyunjin squeaked, his eyes wide and face red as he squirmed frantically.

"Oh, what's wrong?~" Binnie's stupid, teasy baby voice crooned. "Does something....tickle?"

"GAHAHAAHA!! Nohohohohoh—" Hyunjin broke into loud giggles, his head twisting side to side as the rapper went for the ribs next, teasingly tracing one finger along the crevices and successfully driving poor Hyunjin up a wall.

"You’re way too easy to mess with, Jinnie. One poke and you’re already laughing—didn't know you were this sensitive."

"Ohohoho my gohohohohosh!! SHUHUT UHUP!!" wailed Hyunjin in response, unable to escape, pinned down, and forced to giggle like a cartoon character.

The tingles were horrible, and Hyunjin's laughter became more and more unrestrained the more time passed, and to his frantic delight panic, he realized Binnie was nowhere close to stopping, with that fond grin on his face and his sweet laughter sounding like music to the older's ears.

“HYUNG plehehehehease!!” Hyunjin pleaded, though his voice was laced with laughter, making it sound more like a desperate plea for more than a genuine request to stop.

Changbin leaned in closer, his fingers tracing over Hyunjin’s sensitive ribs. “Please what, Jinnie? You’re gonna have to be more specific,” he teased, clearly enjoying the sight of Hyunjin’s helplessness. He contorted his body in a futile attempt to escape, but Changbin was relentless, hands deftly locating every spot that sent Hyunjin into uncontrollable laughter.

"Ihihi'm sohohohorrryyy!! I dihihidn't MEHEHEEHEAN IT!!" Hyunjin panted in between bursts of laughter, his arms tugging wildly in all directions as he struggled—and failed—to shove Changbin's hands aside.

Changbin's smile grew even broader as he adjusted himself to sit astride Hyunjin's waist, trapping him. The air was filled with the ring of Hyunjin's laughter, a combination of desperation and humor, but he was stuck now. Changbin's fingers closed in on his ribs again, the movement so unerring that Hyunjin could hardly breathe, never mind come up with a decent thought.

"Stohohohoop!! ihihi'm serious—!!" Hyune begged. His sentence was cut off as Changbin's fingers dug in a little deeper, sending him into a fit of laughter so intense his whole body shook. His cheeks were flushed with the mix of laughter and embarrassment, but the way Binnie was grinning down at him—teasing, playful—made it feel somehow endearing rather than frustrating.

"HYUNG!" Hyunjin cried out, as if he couldn't breathe. "Plehehehehehease I'hill do anythihihihing!!"

Changbin was thoroughly enjoying the helpless and ticklish appearance of his baby, however. He cocked his head and grinned with mischief. "Anything?" He taunted, lifting an eyebrow. "Let's see. I think I'll keep going a little longer. Just to be sure.

Hyunjin's eyes opened wide. "Nohoho!!" He squeaked, his tone rising in a high-pitched shriek of laughter. He stretched up to try and grab Changbin's wrist, but the effort was in vain. He was immobilized, unable to avoid the wave of tickling that left him helpless with laughter. Each time Binnie altered his pressure or discovered a new spot to attack, it was as if a fresh tsunami of laughter slammed into him.

He was not even paying attention to Changbin's words as his body contorted beneath him. "Ohoho gohosh ihihit tihihickles!!" Hyunjin's whining intensified once more as Changbin carefully prodded his sides with his fingers, a mere gesture that was all it took for him to become out of control.

Not until you say the magic words, Jinnie~" Binnie taunted, his tone fond even as he continued to mercilessly tickle. He was beginning to let up a bit, feeling Hyunjin's exhaustion, but his hands still lingered mere inches above his sides, poised to attack once more if Jinnie didn't say them fast enough.

"YOUHU WIN!! Yohohou win!! PLEHEASE!!"

"Good," Changbin replied contentedly, loosening his grip. He sent a victorious smile before softly tracing the side of Hyunjin's armpit, making the younger boy jump at the aftereffects of the ticklishness. He lightly jabbed him, just for continuity.

Hyunjin let out a lighthearted groan, finally allowing himself to relax, though his heart was still racing from the overwhelming mixture of ticklish sensations and the comforting closeness between them. “You’re the worst,” he muttered, but his words were soft, affectionate. It was clear he didn’t actually mind.

Changbin laughed, his hands now on Hyunjin's shoulders. Way more relaxing. "You love it, Jinnie~" He teased softly.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever you say."

[quitealotofsodapop]

MK

Something came up on the mountain. Will explain during training.

DO NOT BRING OUR FRIENDS! Especially Jangles! Trust me, you'll understand why when you get here.

MK reread the message for the 100th time, worried over the implications. Not only does Wukong rarely use the phone Mei got him, preferring to simply Astral Project any messages they need to do, but he'd never forbid their friends form joining in on training. Not since they all started training together while fighting against Azure and Wukong had promised to not keep secrets anymore what with the Samhadi Fire debacle. So the fact he's asking to keep it a secret is a big deal. Although, as Mei had pointed out when he showed her the message, the other monkey had never explicitly said to keep it a secret, just that he didn't want anyone except MK on the mountain for some reason, likely related to whatever he was going to tell him during training.

"Weird that he pointed out Tang in particular. Like, what did Tang of all people do to make Wukong not want him near!?"

MK didn't know. But as he flew towards the mountain he resolved to find out. The last thing he expected was to be met by a very familiar face when he landed. Or rather, four familiar faces that looked far too similar yet still different from his family to be a coincidence.

"Eeek! Demon monkey!!" The Great Monk Tripitaka shrieked as he cowards behind Zu Baijie, Ao Lie, and Sha Wujing. All of them with weapons pointed towards him.

"Aye! Knock it off!" Wukong's voice roared out as he appeared in a flash of gold and red, standing between MK and the others, guarding him. "It's just my c- It's just my successor!"

The weapons immediately drop as the Pilgrims, the ACTUAL PILGRIMS from the STORIES, looked at Wukong incredulously. Zu Baije was the one to voice it.

"You!? A TEACHER!?"

"Yeah, I know!" Wukong snorted, as if hardly believing it himself, "But a lot can change in 1300 years and MK is a good kid. He deserves only the best, Piglet!"

"And... that's you?"

"No, but I'm the one he's got." Wukong's voice was flat, prompting MK to turn his attention to him. He yelped as a well placed kick hit his shin. "MK! What the heck!?"

"What have we talking about regarding self deprivation, Monkey King."

"What... I- that was for you!"

"Still applies!" MK folded his arms triumphantly as the audience began snickering at Wukong's flustered expression as he tried to find a comeback. Eventually his master concedes defeat with a chuckle, throwing his arm around MK in a side hug with a wide grin.

"Alright... well, let's do introductions! Master, Ao Lie, Sha Wujing... Piglet. This is Xiaotian, or MK as he prefers, my student and successor. MK, the Lilgrim of the Great Journey."

ah yes

Wukong now has to deal with an interlude of his old companions crashing at his place, whilst also worrying about possible time paradoxes!

At least half of the Pilgrims are convinced MK is Wukong's kid.

Tang is especially told to stay away cus he's not supposed to exist according to Buddhist doctrine. Golden Cicada was supposed to be done with the whole reincarnation thing after Tripitaka.

Macaque is going to laugh himself silly when he finds out about this! XD

[vampirevatican]

Slashers with a very mouthy and sarcastic final Mc?

oh this is just my speed anon.

GHOST 🦊

he thrives off the banter

you're his final kill, and extremely deserving of that title

infact he might keep the mc alive for longer just because of it

every one liner he has you deliver a comeback that just gets him going

not to mention he's the ultimate innuendo killer when it comes to talking about stabbing or killing the mc

"you know what i'd like more? the sound of your body squelching over me entering you." he says raising his knife and you say "well good luck, it's gonna be a bit tricky. im slippery and a tight fit." and he's rock solid.

MIKE 🐺

he's not talkative but he does like pushback while knowing he's in control.

you're his plaything. on his grounds, and you're fighting back? how cute.

"if you're gonna kill me, speed it up. im gonna escape." he tilts his head at you confused at the notion. you can't escape him. and who gave you the power to?

just don't make jokes... he doesn't quite get them and it pisses him off when they're at his expense.

LEATHER 🐷

"brave piglet. stupid piglet."

he actually loves the fighting spirit

it nice to see you've got a little spice in your tongue and fight in you

though i feel like there's a way to piss him off with it, it'd be under certain circumstances

JAY 🐑

be nice to him.

he's very unpredictable so, being snarky isn't the best

he'll either deflate and feel bad or worse get really upset

[laurasimonsdaughter]

A fairy's true name

Earlier I wrote about how much trouble I had finding even one example of a fairy trying to learn a human’s name to use it against them, but folktales where it is the other way round do exist!

Until recently the best example I had for this “use a fairy’s true name against them” plot, was Rumpelstiltskin (and all its variants, for there are many). But technically the Rumpelstiltskin plot itself is not enough to claim that knowing a fairy’s true name gives you power over them. After all, a specific deal was struck between the fairy (or dwarf, or imp, etc.) and the human, with the finding out of the name releasing the human from their debt to the fairy. (Best examples including a fairy: Peerie Fool, Tríopla Trúpla, Titty Tod).

But it turns out that the tale type “The name of the helper ATU 500” contains stories in which I would argue it is made clear that knowing a fairy’s name holds power:

In these stories a the supernatural creature in question is a helpful house spirit or neighbour to the human, but immediately leave them forever as soon as they (sometimes through trickery) find out their name, after they refused to tell them:

Hoppetînken, a mountain dwarf (German, Kuhn, 1859)

Gwarwyn-a-throt, a spirit/elf/bogie (Welsh, Rhys, 1901)

Silly go Dwt, a fairy (Welsh, Rhys, 1901)

And these stories contain what I would call “strong circumstantial evidence”:

In Winterkölbl (German Hungarian, Vernaleken, 1896) a grey dwarf who lives in a tree makes a young king guess his name before he will (somewhat reluctantly) consent to let him marry his human foster daughter (she was abandoned, he did not steal her!).

In The Rival Kempers (Irish, Yeats, 1892) an old fairy woman sets a young woman the task of guessing her name, but then gives it to her freely (with some extra help to win her good fortune), because she was polite and generous to her.

Conversely, in The Lazy Beauty and her Aunts (Irish, Kennedy, 1870) the three fairy women who help the protagonist with her spinning, weaving and sewing, actually introduce themselves by name, but they are clearly nicknames: Colliagh Cushmōr (Old Woman Big Foot), Colliach Cromanmōr (Old Woman Big Hips), Colliach Shron Mor Rua (Old Woman Big Red Nose).

But my two favourite examples are Whuppity Stoorie (Scottish, Chambers, 1858; reprinted by Rhys, 1901) and The heir of Ystrad (Welsh, Rhys, 1888, reprinted in 1901). I'll summarise them below the cut:

Whuppity Stoorie (Scottish, Chambers, 1858; quotes from Rhys, 1901)

A woman is left by her husband. She has a baby boy to feed and her only hope is that her sow will have a big litter of piglets. However the sow gets ill and as the woman weeps with the fear that the pig will die, she sees an old woman coming up the road. “She was dressed in green, all but a short white apron and a black velvet hood, and a steeple-crowned beaver hat on her head. She had a long walking staff, as long as herself, in her hand --” This “green gentlewoman” tells her that she knows the woman’s husband is gone and that the sow is sick and asks what she’ll give her if she cures the pig. The woman heedlessly promises her anything she likes. So the green woman cures the pig with a spell and some oil and then reveals that she wants to have the woman’s baby in return, thereby revealing to the poor woman that she is a fairy. The fairy is unmoved by the woman’s sorrow, but does reveal that: “I cannot, by the law we live under, take your bairn till the third day; and not then, if you can tell me my right name.” Luckily the woman overhears the fairy woman singing her own name and gets to keep her child by addressing her as such, after which: “If a flash of gunpowder had come out of the ground it couldn't have made the fairy leap higher than she did. Then down she came again plump on her shoe-heels; and whirling round, she ran down the brae, screeching for rage, like an owl chased by the witches.”

The heir of Ystrad

A young gentleman hides in the bushes to see “the fair family” dance on the river bank. There he sees the most beautiful girl he has ever seen and wants more than anything to win her for his own. He jumps in the middle of the circle of fairies and grabs her by force, while all the others flee. He is kind to her, but keeps her captive, and eventually she agrees to become his servant. She steadfastly refuses to tell him her name though, no matter how often he asks. One night he once again hides near where the fairies play and he hears one fairy lament to another that last time they were there, their sister Penelope (Pénĕlôp) was stolen by a man. He returns home joyfully, calling is favourite maid by her name, which greatly astonishes her. The young man finds her so beautiful, industrious, skilled and fortunate, that he wishes to marry her. “At first she would in no wise consent, but she rather gave way to grief at his having found her name out. However, his importunity at length brought her to consent, but on the condition that he should not strike her with iron; if that should happen, she would quit him never to return.” They marry and they lived “in happiness and comfort”. She bears him a beautiful son and a daughter and through her skill and fairy fortune they grow richer and richer. But one day while trying to bridle an unruly horse the husband accidentally hits his wife with the iron bridle. As soon as the iron touches her, she vanishes. But one cold night she comes to his bedroom window one more time, telling him that if ever her son should be cold, he should be placed on his father’s coat, and that if her daughter should be cold, she should be placed on her petticoat. Then she disappears forever.

I adore both of these stories. Whuppity Stoorie is probably the clearest example of the power of a fairy's name. But The heir of Ystrad is as good a fairy bride story as The Shepherd of Myddvai and that has been a beloved favourite of mine for as long as I can remember. Either way they're both wonderful takes on the power it grants to know a fairy's name.

[mcdonaldsnumberone]

MISS DEMEANOR!

❤︎‬ a small thing ends up with nanase in the doghouse, so he has to use your plushies and get creative to win back your good graces. ❤︎‬ nanase nijiro x gn! reader ‪ ❤︎‬ wc: 2k ❤︎‬ content warning(s): reader and nanase are newlyweds/aged up, one (1) suggestive line at the end, inspired by this cute instagram reel

One of the first things Nanase gave to you when you started dating him was a piglet plushie he painstakingly won at an arcade. You still remember what it was like to stand there in the arcade next to him, watching the sweat bead on his forehead as he carefully maneuvered the joystick, angling it perfectly over the little plushie smiling back at you as if taunting your new boyfriend’s lack of expertise with these rigged machines.

But with a little bit of effort, some time, and many coins dumped from poor Nanase’s wallet, he triumphantly held the piglet plushie out towards you. You’ve cherished it ever since, and as if to thank him, you got him a puppy plushie so Nanase could have a companion of his own.

Many years had passed, and now that you’ve gotten married to Nanase, the two plushies were also naturally reunited. They found their home in the living room of your shared home, witness to the happy newlywed life you shared with Nanase.

For better or for worse. 

“I’m sorry. The number you are trying to contact is not available. Please leave a voicemail after the beep.”

Your heart plunged into your stomach as you quickly ended the call. You paced your living room anxiously, and worry gnaws almost like a spiraling hunger somewhere deep inside of your stomach. Your aged plushies, hands positioned above one another as if they were holding hands, watched you as panic began to grip at you.

Why wasn’t Nanase picking up? It had grown dark outside a long time ago, and there wasn’t any correspondence from him. None of your texts were going through, you couldn’t call him, and there wasn’t any word from his manager or his clubhouse for anything out of the ordinary that might have caused this. While you tried your best not to jump to any drastic conclusions, as the minutes ticked by into hours, the anxiety inside of you kept bubbling over like a shaken soda can.

Just when you were debating calling emergency services, you heard the lock to your front door click open. “I’m home!”

Your heart jumped to your throat. “N-Nanase Nijiro! Do you know how worried sick I’ve been!”

Your husband looked like a deer caught in headlights as you stormed over, and tears began pooling in your eyes. He stayed standing there in the doorway as you ran straight into him, half-hugging him half-punching his chest. 

Your hands trembled as you gripped at Nanase’s jersey, not caring if it was still slightly damp with all of his sweat. “I thought something had happened since your number kept going to voicemail! Had you come even just a few minutes later, I would have called the police- Seriously, ‘Jiro- I was… I was scared that you had gotten hurt!” 

“I’m sorry, lovely… I must have forgotten to charge my phone last night. It died in the middle of practice, and since I was headed straight home, I figured it should be alright,” he swallowed nervously. He grabs at your hands gently, trying to pry your death grip off of him. “I’m really sorry… I won’t do it again. I-I should have used the clubhouse’s landline to give you a call or borrow a teammate’s phone…”

You grit your teeth, and despite not wanting to come across as distraught and hysteric, your voice shook frantically. “...I just- Ever since you’ve gone pro, it feels like everything around our life has gotten so intense. I see the comments people make about you online. Most are nice, but- not everyone wishes well. When I couldn’t reach you for hours, I couldn’t help but- but think about what if one of those people had gotten to you-”

“Oh, sweetheart… It’s okay. I’m okay. I’m here… Let’s just go to bed, okay? I’m alright. I’ll be more careful in the future and make sure something like this doesn’t happen again.”

Your heart felt heavy despite Nanase’s big hands holding you gently, and a shaky sigh escaped from your lips. You let him guide you to your shared bedroom despite the fear and anger still swirling somewhere deep in your heart. You knew Nanase always meant well and would never do anything to purposefully upset you, but you just wished he wouldn’t be so careless with his personal safety sometimes, especially now that he had what was essentially the entire world watching his every movement.

He stayed stuck by your side as you mindlessly went through the steps of your nightly routine. While you were relieved beyond belief that your mind had gone to the extremes and that nothing had happened to Nanase, you were still mad that someone of his caliber could be so careless about his personal safety. Maybe you overreacted just a little bit by yelling at him the moment he got home, but at the same time, if the situation had been reversed, you’re certain that Nanase would have done the same—if not, escalated things even more in his desperation to try to get ahold of you.

You didn’t want to dwell on it too much anymore now that it was behind you. You trusted Nanase’s word that he would take better care of his safety, and you closed your eyes and listened to Nanase rustling around in the bathroom as if to console yourself that your husband was safe and sound at home, a few feet away from you, and nothing had happened at all. 

A bit later, your body was as heavy as an anchor as you slipped into bed next to him, and Nanase whispered his apologies while letting you cling to him for as long as you wanted. You didn’t want to let him go, even though fatigue crept through your veins once the initial panic wore off and the gentle whispers of your husband served as the most fitting lullaby for such a tiring day. 

“I’m sorry for what happened today,” he murmured as you drifted off. “I love you more than anyone else.”

…

…

…

Nanase was gone by the time you woke up, and from the sunlight peeking from around the edges of your bedroom’s curtains, he must have left for early morning practice quite a while ago. You groggily patted around your bed for your phone, and when you lifted it to your face, you noticed a handful of notifications from none other than Nanase himself. You tapped at them, only to be greeted by a flurry of texts from him. Most of them were greetings and updates from him, following through on his promise to take better care of his communications. He had even left you a voicemail, which you clicked on.

“Good morning, sweetheart! Hope you had a good night’s rest. I just wanted to leave you a quick voicemail to tell you I love you! I made sure to charge my phone today, so I’ll do my best to reach out to you when I can. Love you so, so, so much! Make sure to eat and drink well!”

You couldn’t help but let a small grin sneak onto your face as you kicked the sheets off. Your footsteps lead you to the living room, where you normally would have passed by like any other day without another care in the world had it not been for something that caught your eye.

Nanase’s little puppy plushie is bent over with its butt in the air, and your piglet plushie is posed to look as if it’s going to spank the little puppy. Is this Nanase’s way of saying that he’s sorry and willing to take any punishment you’re going to give him? You didn’t have any intention of punishing him given that he was a grown man and all, but it’s enough to bring a smile to your face. He was still the same boy you had fallen in love with all those years ago, willing to do anything to make you happy and earn your good graces again.

You took a picture of the two plushies as a keepsake and went about your day. Some chores, a few errands, and a little bit of relaxation time for yourself meant that evening rolled around quickly. Nanase eagerly talked about his day to you over dinner, and while he cleaned up, you enjoyed a quick shower. It didn’t take long before you stepped out of the bathroom, yelling to him that he was free to use it, only for Nanase to come scrambling out of the living room with a grin plastered on his face as if he was caught doing something he shouldn’t.

You raised an eyebrow as he raced past you and locked himself into the bathroom, but you chose not to question now that he physically distanced himself. Instead, you crept into the living room and peered around, and your attention landed on your two plushies again.

This time, Nanase imprisoned the puppy plushie inside of a clear plastic container. The puppy pitifully looked towards the outside, only to meet the gaze of the piglet plushie keeping it locked inside. Maybe it was just your imagination running wild, but for whatever reason, the piglet plushie’s expression appeared far more smug than it ever had in the many years you had kept it under your possession.

Nanase played dumb as he sauntered out of the bathroom. “Ready for bed? It’s been such a long day… I really need some sleep so I can go at it early again tomorrow. Come cuddle with me?”

You followed him, but as you rolled into bed again with him, you made sure to keep him firmly in your arms so that he couldn’t play innocent anymore. “Are you the one messing with our plushies in the living room? Is this your way of trying to make up to me for upsetting me yesterday?”

Judging from the expression Nanase made, you had caught him red-handed. “Ha! Knew it. You’re so cute, Jiro. If you want to apologize, you know you can just do it in person.”

“I already did…” He stuck his lips out into a small, boyish pout. He avoided your gaze slightly, suddenly unable to meet your eyes properly. “And… Y’know, I figured something like this would lift your mood better than me begging for your forgiveness on my knees.”

“If you phrase it like that, you’ll tempt me. Seeing you on your knees crying and begging isn’t half bad,” you chuckled. “Besides, I wasn’t intending on staying mad. I just… I get a little extreme when I get worried. I’m sorry if I was too much.”

“No! You have nothing to apologize for! C’mon, I’m the one in the wrong.” He pulled you towards him with his strong arms, keeping you close to his chest. He was rewarded with one of your pleased laughs as he snuck a kiss, two kisses onto your lips. “But if seeing my puppy plushie punished isn’t enough for you, then you can always punish me instead. I’m a big boy! I promise I can take it, no matter how rough you get-”

“Gross. Weren’t you the one that said you wanted sleep so you could get up early tomorrow? Let’s be good and get some rest.” You shove your hands into his face, pushing yourself away from him playfully. It was impossible not to end up in a good mood when around him. Something about his energy was infectious, and from a young high schooler all the way to becoming your one and only, his dedication to you has never changed. 

…

…

…

Your morning started the same way as it did yesterday, with you waking up alone to the welcoming sunlight. You rubbed your eyes, stretching out your stiff limbs before instinctively reaching for your phone. Nanase’s standard good morning texts and voicemail helped you stir back to life, and you eagerly headed towards the living room to see what scene would greet you today.

Your plushies are back to normal, all mimicry of punishments gone, but they’re holding each other tightly, faces pressed together in what you can only assume to be a passionate kiss.

You rolled your eyes, but you’re unable to fight back the sheepish smile that tickles the corners of your lips. 

That Nanase…

x

[eldritch-spouse]

Morell’s obsession, chewing on a loaf Morell just gave them: I like getting bread

Morell: 👁️👁️

" Getting bread is the best, right? "

Spittle flies everywhere in the kitchen as Morell, who was obliviously taste-testing a soup, hears those words tumble from your mouth. The spoon is set down.

He licks his teeth and turns, wide-eyed, cheeks already acquiring a tint of teal. " Y- Yeah Piglet? "

You blink as you bite your loaf, not understanding why Morell is giving you that crazed look, or why he seems to pant. That's never a good sign. " Mhm. It's my favorite! "

The cook tugs at his scarf and mumbles something incoherent that almost sounds like a hiss before taking a tentative step towards you. He's glad you don't glance down because something's definitely already stirring in his pants.

" Oh, is it...? "

You squint. " You're looking at me weird. "

The chef doesn't really know what to do, approaching you like one does a scared animal, hands itching to grab. " So ah- Ya wanna get bred? I can take care o' dat... "

Looking down at your nearly finished snack, you nod happily at him. Why not? " Yeah, sure! "

The moment he groans, hands bolting to undo his pants like they're burning his skin, is when you realize your fatal mistake.

You wonder how many steps into the warehouse you'd be able to reach before he tackles you to the ground.

[misc-obeyme]

your post about the human au with beel as a farmer has me giggling and kicking my feet!! and now i can't stop imagining the brothers on their own little farm (writing this even though i know nothing about farming)

lucifer and satan mainly handle the finances, making sure they have the best equipment and techniques to produce good crops. the goats and sheep seem to take a liking to lucifer, especially the baby ones, who love chewing on his clothes. satan stays away from them bc they keep thinking his blond hair is food, choosing instead to coo over the farm cats

mammon and levi are the unofficial handlers and bully victims of the birds. mammon gets pecked by the chickens as he goes to collect their eggs, and he says one day, he'll cook them all up as revenge!! (everyone knows he's lying). levi spends more time with the ducks, where they quack at him on the farm and when he's fishing at the local ponds. (one time, a group of baby ducks imprinted on him and followed him home. it took forever for him to get them back to their mama)

asmo does a lot of advertising for the farm, with both his social media and charming personality at the farmers' market. he designs the cutest packaging and sews any holes that end up in his brothers' clothes with lovely little patches. his favorite animals on the farm (a couple piglets and bunnies) are marked with pink bows, but you could tell by how he squeals whenever he sees them

you already went over beel, but i imagine him still having his super strength and can easily carry adult sheep with ease. he also has gained a lot of (kissable) freckles from being in the sun all the time

belphie is a straight up cow whisperer, which may be caused by his habit of cuddling with the cows on their pasture to skip out on chores. but he's great at milking and can instantly tell if something's wrong with the cows, to the point that other farmers go to him in need of help. he's a lazybones hero!

aaaaaa the sillies - 🎠

Honestly, I'm surprised that little post of mine got so much attention lol! I was definitely thinking about it more in terms of what I think the boys would do if they were humans, rather than how it would be if they all worked on the same farm. But I saw a couple tags suggesting a Stardew Valley crossover, which could be all of them on the same farm or all of them with separate farms. I haven't played Stardew in a long time, but I am so obsessed with farming sims it's ridiculous. My favorite is Story of Seasons Trio of Towns, I've played it so many times and I still replay it from time to time because I loved it so much lol.

ANYWAY that's all to say that my farming experience comes almost entirely from video games. I took a class about plants and agriculture in high school, but otherwise it's all vibes and cozy gaming!

But I think you've nailed it with these. I keep seeing Satan falling asleep in a pile of hay, just completely covered in barn cats. Cute lil Asmo all decked out like a farmer but only for the aesthetic 'cause he's running that farmer's market booth like nobody's business. Cow whisperer Belphie, please I love it so much.

Also freckled, sun-kissed Beel... human!Beel would have so many freckles if he spent any time outside at all. I love this because I'm extremely freckled myself and it'd be really cute if MC had freckles to match his.

Though I actually hadn't even thought about MC's role in a human au. Since they're already human. Would it be reversed? MC is the demon in this scenario? Or just MC is their same human self but they meet the others in a different way? I think both options could be interesting. I was initially going with the idea of there being no magic and no realms though.

I was trying to think of what the characters would do with their lives based on their interests and Beel just screamed farmer to me. Like yeah he probably still works out a bunch, but he really loves food. So I thought it would be interesting to consider that as his primary motivation for wanting to become a farmer. He just wants to feed everybody.

Anyway, I love this, I'm thoroughly enjoying imagining the boys on their farm. Though Mammon threatening to cook the chickens is hilarious. Like I can just hear him saying that to a bunch of indifferent hens, too. It reminds me of a story my mom used to tell me about my great-grandmother getting so annoyed at my uncle's pet rooster for getting his beak tangled in her yarn that she straight up made soup out of him. I dunno how true that story is, but it's one my mom & her siblings have told me numerous times lol.

[nikethestatue]

A Match Baked In Heaven

Chapter IX

Too Afraid to Love You

Piglet has never been handled so roughly or with so much indignity. But despite his protests and super threatening growls, which could scare anyone, Elain didn’t even care. She jammed him into a doggy carrier, or what could be called a backpack with holes, and then threw on her jacket, while sliding into her trainers. She swung the carrier over her shoulder and then tugged the loops over her arms. Piglet was shoved face first into the mop of her hair, and he was of mind to maybe bite her, but he didn’t. But he was so mad, he couldn’t even look at her, so he just sat in his backpack with holes, and bounced about, while she ran down the street. He still considered biting her on the ear perhaps, but he couldn’t reach it. So his plan went to naught. But he was very angry with her, especially because she was running! Running. She didn’t run. But here she was, her feet slapping on the pavement loudly, while she jerked and jostled him in this abominable contraption. It’s like she didn’t even care! She didn’t care about his comfort and well-being. Not ever since dad came into her life. Not that he didn’t love dad–dad was the best, but still. Piglet was still important, and he felt that he did many incredible things for Elain, and she needed to think about them.

Piglet considered everything that Elain should’ve acknowledged and be grateful for. Did he not bring her fun things from the street? Shiny wrappers, dead squirrels, empty packets of things unknown? Didn’t that count for something? And how he sometimes woke her up at 7:09 am, even though his breakfast was at 7:02 am! He cared. He cared so much, he let her sleep an extra seven minutes! All all those late night walks, where he definitely, absolutely sensed serial killers in the bushes, and he was ready to protect her. Where was his ‘thank you’? All those go-potty-serial-killer-men-in-the-bushes that he was so vigilant about and ready to deliver a deadly strike at. And, he also always met and gave his seal of approval to all the random people that came to the office. He met them and he introduced himself, and he was polite, but he was also very vigilant, as usual. He didn’t even like anyone, except for two people, and one of them was dad anyway. And the other one was the big bloke that came with dad. The big bloke was alright too–he wanted paw and Piglet shook with him.

Oh…

Well then. At least Elain brought him to the butchers’. He loved this place. And they always gave him treats too. So, maybe he’d find it in himself to forgive her.

“Miss Elain, ‘morning!”

“Morning, Jack. How are you?”

“Working hard. How’s the matchmaking business?”

“Booming.”

“That right? Well, not surprising. Those Gen Xers don’t know how to talk to other humans, so they need all the help that they can get.”

Elain laughed, “You aren’t wrong.”

“How can I help? What would you like?”

“Chicken, please.”

Elain Archeron was a proper lady. She was of good stock, a fine beauty, polite and she knew her meat. She was one to keep traditions, and she patronised private businesses in the neighbourhood. People around here liked her. She was an integral part of the community. 

“Piglet, how are you in that rucksack?” the butcher chuckled, as he weighed the chicken pieces.

“He is not very happy, but I am in a hurry,” Elain admitted.

“A romantic date for you then?” Jack joked, as he wrapped the chicken in paper, and then filled a bag with chicken feet and necks–Piglet’s favourites.

To his surprise, the pretty matchmaker got all red in the face and quickly waved her card over the reader, as she grabbed her packages.

“Something like that,” she muttered.

“Ahh well then. Good luck with that. Hope the fella treats you well, Miss.”

“He does,” she confirmed.

“Bye Piglet,” Jack called out. “Take care of Miss Elain and keep her safe.”

I always do Piglet snorted indignantly.

-

Piglet alerted Elain that Azriel was coming. Nowadays, she had no doubts about what was to happen–if her dog began going crazy by the door, she knew that Azriel was nearby.

And Elain was…excited.

It’s only been 3 days, barely, since he came to cook for her and her sisters, and she was excited to see Azriel. She was also very concerned about his injury and his general well-being, and needed to see him with her eyes and ensure that he was actually okay.

She’s been pacing for an hour, aimlessly cleaning all the counters, and while Piglet was able to go downstairs and hang out in the library room, and by ‘hang out’ she meant sleep, snoring loudly, she couldn’t do the same. She was thinking, her head aching from all the intrusive thoughts, which were mostly about Azriel Night. And she wished she didn’t have to think quite so much, but all she could imagine and think of was him here, in this space, with her, where he seemed to belong. And she didn’t know what to make of it. She didn’t know why he consumed her and why she wanted to care for him, and why she worried about him, and why she wanted to cry when he held Piglet, and why she was proud of how he treated her sisters and how kind he’s been to all of them.

Therefore, when the knock came, she was already waiting. And she didn’t even care if she seemed overly eager and borderline desperate. She needed to see him. She almost ripped the door off the hinges, since she pulled it so hard.

Azriel was pale, dressed in a black windbreaker, black Adidas trainers and black joggers. He was a far cry from the usual confident and cocky Azriel, the football superstar. He was wearing a hood, but his black hair stuck to his forehead, and his shoulders seemed to stoop. 

“Hey gorgeous girl,” he smiled at her, his eyes widening a bit when he beheld her. “May I come in?”

Elain shook her head and then took him by the hand and drew him inside, while muttering, “it’s like inviting a vampire into your house…”

Azriel smiled and then threaded his fingers with hers, while picking up Piglet with his other hand. The pug was quiet, but happy. He put his big round head on Azriel’s shoulder and sighed contently, while murmuring and singing something under his breath. 

“Cassian said that he cried,” Azriel said softly, watching Elain, who looked…scrumptious. She was wearing a loose knit jumper, little knit shorts, and knit knee highs, which ended just above her knee. He was trying to avert his eyes, but who was he kidding? Those soft, pale thighs were the death of him. He was obsessed with her figure on any day, but this…well, this was a very special and a very delightful present for him. 

“You spoke with Cassian?” Elain asked quickly, as she blushed and lowered her eyes. Azriel gently pulled her to him and she was forced to stand in front of him, as he towered over her, while she stubbornly looked down at the floor.

“I have. He rung and told me that you were ‘spewing fire and brimstone’–his words–and told me that Pink cried because he was so upset when I took a tumble,”

“TOOK A TUMBLE!!??” Elain cried out, “are you kidding me?! You were pushed and I thought your leg was broken! That’s how it looked on the telly,”

“And then you rang me like eleven times and messaged me another six?” he smirked like an asshole, and Elain made to pull her hand away, huffing with anger and embarrassment. 

“Leave me alone,” she hissed. “Why are you even here?”

He shrugged indifferently,

“Suppose I wanted to be with my favourite person. And my favourite dog.”

“As if I am your favourite person…” Elain even rolled her eyes, but the flush of her skin told Azriel everything he needed to know. She liked it. She liked the compliment. No matter what she said and how far she rolled her eyes, she liked being his favourite person.

“You are. And besides, you want me here,” he told her, and his fingers squeezing hers tighter.

“The cheek of you is unbelievable,” she complained, annoyed and looking absolutely adorable. All her huffing and indignation were offset by her sublimely sexy outfit and the endless blushes on her cheeks. “I don’t want you here,”

“I wasn’t the one who was blowing up the phone,” he commented innocently, burying his nose in Piglet’s neck.

“I was simply inquiring after your well-being!” she yelled. “It was nothing more! I was being polite. I think it’s quite normal for a person to reach out and inquire after someone’s health, when they are injured or ill!”

“And I appreciate that more than you can imagine,” Azriel said gently, and then lifted her hand to his face, to his mouth. “And Cassian demanded to know why I haven’t put a ring on this pretty finger yet?” With that, he pressed his lips to her ring finger, and she gulped loudly, unable to respond. What the hell was happening? Why would Cassian ask something so absurd? Both of these brothers were completely bonkers.

Azriel continued, unperturbed, “and you know what I told him? Not yet, but I will.”

Elain’s saucer-like eyes flickered with its warm brown light. She seemed both shocked, and mollified by his words. But… 

The sheer dominance of him. The presumption. The proprietary ownership.

He displayed no hesitation. And his confidence wasn’t arrogant, but just annoyingly self-assured. As if he decided that this was going to be the way, and he was going to make it so. Like she was his. 

“Mr. Night!” Elain growled at him. “Every single time. Every. Single. Time. We’ve been together you told me that you will marry me,”

“Which I will,” he concurred confidently.

“No you will not! This is abnormal behaviour. You cannot tell me things like these!”

“Well, that’s where you are mistaken, gorgeous girl. See, if a man tells a woman that he will marry her–at any point in their association–that just means that he will. He set his eyes on her. He is now a hunter. And he will hunt her until she is his. Until she bears his young,”

“Ew. What?!” Elain winced, grossed out.

He laughed.

“It is what it is, Ms. Archeron.”

“I am not marrying you,” she declared.

He only shrugged.

“We’ll see.”

“Nothing to see. I am not your type,” she reminded him.

“You grew on me,” he parried. 

“Like a rash?”

“Like a wart.”

“Wonderful. You can go now,” she jerked her shoulder towards the door, by which they were still loitering. 

“Mmm, no, I don’t think I will,” he decided, and began to remove his jacket, though it was a tricky thing to do, since Piglet just snuggled closely to him and wouldn’t budge.

Elain gave an exaggerated sigh and tugged on Azriel’s sleeve, to help him take off his jacket. 

“Did my boy really cry?” Azriel asked again, stroking Piglet’s back.

“He did,” she nodded. “He didn’t like seeing you hurt.”

Azriel’s sharp, usually severe, if beautiful face, suddenly melted into a loving smile and he hugged the pug closer to his chest. 

“Why is he not looking at me? Is he sad and angry?” he worried.

Elain lightly patted Piglet’s head and said, “No. He is super happy. That’s how he gets when he is very happy. Quiet and still.

“If he was mad, you’d know it,”

“Oh yeah?” Azriel grinned, “What would he do?”

“He’d give you the biggest side eye in history and would not interact, and wouldn’t look at you.” She chuckled to herself and then recalled, “Once, he had an…” she cleared her throat and half whispered, “anal abscess.”

“What. The. Fuck?” Azriel’s mouth fell open.

“Hmmm, yeah,” Elain opened her hands helplessly. “I took him to the vet, and…well…they probed. And they had to go in kinda deep. He was not a fan.”

“I am absolutely not surprised that he wasn’t a fan!” Azriel agreed, trying to stifle his laughter, while stroking Piglet’s back soothingly.

“So they gave him some antibiotics and an ointment and then when I took him home–and mind you, he refused to walk, so I had to carry him for like four miles–he wouldn’t look at me the entire time. When we came home, he went to his bed and wouldn’t move or pay me any heed. As if I was the one who fingered him in the butt.”

“Let me stop you right here, matchmaker,” Azriel raised his hand.

Elain stopped abruptly and looked at him with expectation.

“Nowhere in my life, not since I’ve met you, did I ever expect to hear the words ‘fingered him in the butt’ or ‘anal abscess’ come out of your mouth! This is some kind of parallel universe I am in right now.”

She laughed at that. Then asked, 

“Still want to have a dog? Because I had to put the ointment on him. In there.”

Azriel sighed, considering her words, and then nodded decisively.

“Still want him. And you. And I can finger both of your butts, if that’s what it comes to,” he promised.

The expression on Elain’s face told him enough, so that he quickly wrapped his arm around her waist and murmured, “Don’t faint, matchy. It’s okay. I am not offering to do it right this minute. Unless…”

“I will break your other leg!!!” Elain screeched, burying her face in her hands.

He burst out laughing, and then reminded her, “Hey, that’s not fair. I am injured!”

“I will injure you further if you won’t close your awful mouth right this minute!!!”

Azriel was laughing, until he started coughing, whole body wracked by his loud heaving.

Elain sighed dramatically, and said, “come on then, let’s go”. She tugged him into the informal family room, which lay across from the kitchen. It was a nice space–reeking of Elain-like cosiness. A comfortable sectional sofa, without frills, but obviously expensive, and as Azriel sunk into it, exceptionally well-cushioned. He almost crawled into the couchette side of the sofa and lay his head back, exhaling heavily. This was nice. Across from the sofa was a fireplace, with actual logs and an actual fire. The smell was delightful and the warmth substantial. There was a TV, which was turned to some cookery show. A corner was dedicated to built-in bookshelves, and there was a plush armchair there–he figured probably Elain’s favourite corner. 

He kept coughing, feeling sweaty, and then suddenly chilled, even next to a roaring fire. Elain was mutely shaking her head, while Pinky licked his neck affably, comforting him. 

“Thanks matey,” Azriel whispered, huffing like an asthmatic. 

“You are completely totally ill!” Elain was muttering angrily under her breath, as she opened a chest and pulled out a throw. She came over and then pressed her palm to his forehead. Azriel smiled. It was such a tried and true ‘mom move’ and not for the first time he thought of what a wonderful mother she’d make to their children. Not for the first time he imagined her gorgeous curvaceous body carrying life, carrying his seed, morphing into something supple and even more beautiful. 

“You are hot!” she declared.

He smirked and winked at her, “I know, baby.”

“No, I mean, you are hot hot,” she tried and he only nodded.

“You don’t need to pay me compliments, but if you insist…”

“Oh lord!” she exclaimed. “You are incorrigible. I am not paying you compliments. You are hot. Your body is hot.”

He only grinned at her, and lightly drew his knuckles over her cheek. 

“Don’t worry. You are hot too,” he comforted her. “But you are right–my body is hot. If you’d like to see more of it, with a lot less clothes, you only have to say the words…”

“Mr. Night,” she growled at him, crossing her arms on her chest. “You are not attempting to harass me while you are burning up with a fever, are you?”

“Harass? No. I would call it ‘wooing’,” he told her, his insufferable smile still curving his lips. “But I am also attempting to stop you from constantly calling me Mr. Night. Can we move to Azriel?”

“Absolutely not!” she tucked the throw around him somewhat aggressively. “Also if this is your wooing, then it needs a lot of work!”

“Never had any complaints,” he shrugged. 

“I guess the standards in an orgy are pretty low,” she snapped, and Azriel couldn’t help himself and laughed out loud. This girl’s tongue was sharper than a blade. She never failed to answer him and he loved it!

He rubbed his chin and explained,

“Just because I am a gentleman, doesn’t mean that I can’t fuck you like a savage. I am just balanced like that.”

As usual, Elain’s eyes popped open, because the girl squirmed and clutched her pearls at any sexual innuendo. Azriel liked unsettling her, but he also treaded carefully, and didn’t push too far or too hard. 

“Are you comfortable?” she asked then, her expression softening just a fraction. Piglet crawled onto Azriel’s torso and made himself comfortable on his chest, tucking his blunt round head under Azriel’s chin. It was a good thing too, because the dog was nice and warm, and a bit heavy. Like a weighted blanket.

“Very,” Azriel assured her, and then brought her hand to his lips and kissed it. She looked down at him and then lightly drew her finger over a lock of his hair. “Thank you. Thank you for everything, Ms. Archeron.”

“You are welcome, Mr. Night. But you should’ve stayed home, in bed, and not exposed yourself to the elements to get here.”

He was quiet for a long time and then quietly, his voice barely audible, said, “What if this is the only home I want to be at?”

Elain sighed and offered him a small smile.

“I will make you a cuppa and,”

“With lemon and sugar,” he added quickly.

“Obviously. And then you can sleep a little.”

“You sure?”

“Well, I am not going to throw you out on the street if that’s what you are asking.”

He patted Piglet’s back and said, “Pink stays here. And I won’t anally violate him,” he gave her a meaningful look, “unlike some people.” 

“Oh god, I shouldn’t have told you about that,” Elain lamented and he chuckled, nodding. “Probably not,” he agreed. Then, offering his best puppy eyes he inquired, “no chance of a little kiss?”

“That would be a definitive NO,” she threw sternly. “Besides, you want to give me your illness?”

“Couples who ill together stay together,” he tried.

“We are not a couple, and you are clearly delirious from your cold. Also, people don’t ‘ill’ together!”

Naturally, the moment Piglet senses that Elain was going to the kitchen, he jumped off Azriel and forgot about him, excited at the prospect of a treat. 

Azriel sank deeper into the sofa, missing Pinky’s warmth, but Elain’s thoughtful throw kept him from shivering. God, he felt like shite. It’s been a while since he felt this bad, but this was the first time in his life when he didn’t actually mind it. Of course the chills and the chest congestion weren’t his favourite, but he was with his Elain and she was taking care of him, and that was enough.

Piglet was begging loudly, ‘wfff wwww waf fawww’ his voice high pitched and sounding kind of…human. Azriel had read somewhere that a smart dog is mentally equivalent to a two year old child, and now he was seeing that to be true. Being with Pinky was like having a somewhat hyper, perpetually hungry, narcoleptic toddler, who fell asleep in random places with no warning, wanted to play all the time, gave no opportunity for privacy and wanted to be the centre of attention at all times. He also refused to walk whenever he wanted, and sure enough, someone would readily carry him. 

“Hold on,” Elain cautioned him, “let me make Az some tea.”

Az.

Az!

Az?

AZzzzz!!!

Azriel perked up on the sofa, listening closely. She actually called him–Az??? That’s what she called him in her head? She thought of him as ‘Az’? Not a lot of people called him that–Cassian, some of his veteran teammates, his cousin Rhys, but that’s about it. And now his girl used his private nickname, which just threw him into a tailspin inside his head.

Wahhwaaa-bark-wahawwf

Pinky responded impatiently.

“Okay, I’ll get you some treats,” Elain decided, her voice quiet, making sure she didn’t disturb Azriel, “but why don’t you run upstairs and bring your baby, so you can share with Az.”

Pinky snorted and Azriel watched him from his spot, as the pug took off down the hallway and then there was some grunting and plops leading up the stairs. Elain meanwhile brought him a cup of tea, with a small plate of lemon and ginger cakes, and a couple of pills.

“Here,” she muttered awkwardly. “It’s very hot.”

Azriel accepted the cup, and smiled at her, “thank you, matchy.”

“Do you ever run out of nicknames?” she wondered, as she sat on the edge of the sofa.

“Usually, yes. For you, no,” he told her, as he sipped his tea. It was perfect–tart from the lemon and sweet from the sugar. 

“How’s your leg?” she asked, seeing as he winced when he shifted.

“Ehhh, a little fucked up, but I’ll live. They put a brace on it. That’s why I couldn’t respond to you–I was getting an MRI, and all kinds of X-rays and all that boring shite. Don’t think that I was ignoring you, beautiful.”

“Are you in pain?”

“Are you gonna kiss it all better?” he smirked at her, as he took another sip of his tea. 

“Unlikely,” Elain rolled her eyes.

“If your leg was hurt, I’d kiss it better,” he immediately told her with a hurt expression.

“Yeah, I feel like you’d want to kiss more than just my leg,” she scoffed and Azriel shrugged innocently.

“Do you blame me?”

“Take the pills,” she ordered in her no nonsense tone.

“Yes, ma’am,” he obliged. “What are these? Are you gonna roofie me so you can have your way with me?”

“Gah. Why? Seems like you are willing and ready to have your way with me without the roofies!”

“True, true, but,”

At that moment, Piglet trotted back from his lair, his plushy baby in his teeth. 

“Did you bring it for daddy?” Elain gushed, realising a second too late what she said and what Azriel heard. 

Her face was a mask of horror.

Panicking, she began to mumble, “no, no, I mean…for Az…You brough Puglet for Az, right? For Mr. Night.”

Azriel was chewing the inside of his cheek, trying not to laugh out loud. 

Quickly, she turned to him and said, “Mr. Night, this is not what I meant!”

“What did you not mean, Ms. Archeron?”

“I did not mean to call you that.”

“You don’t want me to be your daddy?” he finally let go and burst out laughing. Piglet looked between the two of them with his dark buggy eyes and gave an equivalent of a shrug, as he tossed his baby at Azriel.

“Is that for me?” Azriel took the toy and said, “thank you, baby boy.”

Elain jumped up, clearly grateful for the distraction, and beckoned Piglet after her. “Come on, treat time!” she cried overly-enthusiastically.

“This conversation isn’t over, matchy! I know you’re trying to weasel out of it, but come on ‘daddy’?”

“It was a mistake!!” she called out over her shoulder, while Piglet wiggled his arse, following her back to the kitchen.

“I don’t think so,” Azriel sang back, as he bit into the delicate little cake. This girl sure knew how to bake!

“Can I at least be a baby daddy?!” he requested.

“Ohmygod!” she moaned.

“I’ll make us a couple. Well, four. I’ll make us four.”

“Noooo!”

Waaaff waaaww wah hawww Piglet let himself be known, screeching loudly.

“Okay, you can have a whole banana or a piece of cheese,” Elain offered.

That did not go over well. There was dangerous growling, and demanding yips and pathetic howls. Piglet did not like making choices. He clearly wanted both.

“Ow, stop it…no, you can’t have both,” Elain scolded him, as Azriel listened and laughed. This was everything. This was his life. His best life. He was obsessed.

“The doctor said that you need to be on a diet,” Elain reminded her rowdy dog, who did not care at all. “And look, the banana is bigger, and you can have more of it. And it’s tasty too,” she was convincing him. Whether she was successful, Azriel wasn’t sure.

A couple of minutes later, Piglet arrived back to Azriel’s sofa, holding a banana in his teeth. He wasn’t looking particularly happy, but Azriel picked him up and sat him at his side, breaking small pieces of banana and feeding it to him.

“That’s right, my boy. Daddy, DA-DD-Y,” he yelled obnoxiously, “will feed you. Maybe will sneak some cheese in when ma isn’t looking,”

“Don’t you dare!” Elain warned, “he is supposed to be on a diet. You’ll lose pug privileges.”

“No way!”

…Elain’s voice woke Azriel up from his slumber. Whatever she gave him had knocked him out pretty well. He slept like the dead and even now, he was still out of it. The dog was snoring next to him and Elain was pacing in the kitchen, doing something. But it was her voice that woke him up. She was talking on the phone. He didn't want to eavesdrop but he couldn’t help overhearing what she was saying, especially because her tone was urgent and unhappy.

“Are you serious?” she demanded of whoever was on the other line. “Isn’t that excessive?”

-

“...Okay, I understand, but five months?”

-

Azriel moved quietly on the sofa, tugging the throw to his chin, feeling like he would never be able to move from here ever again, yet the fact that his girl was clearly displeased with some motherfucker made him want to fight.

Whoever she was talking to went on some long rant, while she listened patiently.

“Okay, I get it,” she said at last, her tone clipped, “but really? My birthday? Christmas?”

More talking.

“Eris–I am sorry to tell you, but this is what people do for each other!! Even when it’s inconvenient! Did I love flying to Beijing for 11 hours? Just so I can spend a week in the hotel room, when you didn’t make any time to be with me? To even show me around the city,”

-

“I don’t care that you had meetings! I flew there, to be with you. I left Piglet and my clients, just to see you, and,”

-

“Yes! He does matter to me. He is my dog, and I,”

-

“Don’t be ridiculous, I don’t love him more than you! But I am beginning to wonder if you love your high-flying job more than me?!”

-

“That’s a lot of words, but I don’t see any action,” she snapped. “I am not asking you to do anything unreasonable! You can come here, spend my birthday with me, then it’s going to be Christmas–”

-

“Okay, so what if it’s Feyre’s birthday too? It’s not going to interfere with any of our plans. Also, she is my sister. She is turning 25. I think I am allowed to be with my sisters on that day. Though no one said that you weren’t invited,”

-

“Well, I am sorry you don’t feel comfortable in the bohemian crowd! You don’t have to come, if it’s such a burden to you, but you can’t expect me to miss her birthday. Besides, we will be going out to a restaurant…”

-

“Moroccan”

-

“I am sure you can find something to eat there! It’s basic food–meat and rice pilaf and salads!”

-

“No, not Ethiopian–it’s Moroccan. No, it’s not going to give you diarrhoea!!!”

Azriel stifled a laugh at that. Poor Elain. Also, this Eris bloke didn’t know the difference between Ethiopia and Morocco.

“Fine. You don’t like kabobs. Whatever.”

Who the fuck didn’t like kabobs? They were delicious! Azriel thought. 

After a long pause, where he assumed Elain was listening to the man, she said with a sigh,

“So you are certain? You won’t be coming for Christmas?”

-

“Okay. I can’t make you. But I will also tell you this–I won’t be Penelope,”

Who the heck was Penelope? 

“Look it up!” Elain snarled.

Apparently Eris also didn’t know who Penelope was.

Azriel discreetly reached into his pocket and took out his phone, before Googling ‘Penelope’. No, not Cruz. 

“Penelope, wife of Odysseus, Queen of Ithaca… She waited twenty years for Odysseus' return…”

Oh. Well, then. 

Meanwhile, Elain said icily, 

“No, I don’t think that I am being unreasonable. If I want my so-called boyfriend to come home to England for my birthday, and for Christmas and New Year’s, instead of staying in freakin’ China, then no, it doesn’t make me unreasonable. It’s entirely up to you what you do, I’ve said my piece.”

-

“Forgive me, Eris, if I find it hard to believe that you’ve been faithful to me for five months…and the four months before…”

-

“Whatever you say. Goodbye. Sure. We’ll talk later…Sure. When I cool off.”

Azriel wanted to say something. He wanted to comfort her, but he didn’t feel right infringing on her private life. He assumed that Eris was the ginger bloke. Stupid, for leaving his woman like that. Unattended and unsatisfied. Azriel wouldn’t make the same mistake. 

He’d never leave Elain.

The next time Azriel woke up was when it was dusk. The world outside was coloured in greys and blues and purples. It was pretty–the foggy, ethereal beauty of London in the waning light of day. 

His ridiculous dog was still snoring, unbothered. This time though, he was on his back though, his three paws high up in the air. Azriel wished he could snap a pic, but…his arms were occupied. His whole body was occupied. In the best possible way. His woman was sleeping on top of him. 

He looked down. She was half-sprawled on top of his body, her leg tucked between his own, her cheek resting on his chest. Goodness…A beautiful woman. Not an attractive sleeper. Azriel smiled softly. Beautiful to him. Always. But, her hair was in disarray, her mouth open, and she was drooling on his shirt. What a far cry from Miss Priss in her pearl necklace. She was hugging him more sexually than he expected, and half of her ass was hanging out from her shorts. A big hunk of gorgeous fleshy butt.

Now, if Azriel was a proper bloke, with manners and a good head on his shoulders, he would've considered feelings, consent, appropriateness, and many other trendy things that were so en vogue these days. But he was lad from the council estate and didn’t rub shoulders with Lord Darling nearly long enough to have become a genteel gentleman. Therefore, he saw an ass, and he took it. In his defence, this was the best, most luxurious, prettiest, juiciest ass in existence. The best ass. His favourite ass. And his scarred, mangled hand couldn’t help itself and slipped down her back and cupped the bare perfection of her lush ass cheek. He didn’t squeeze, not wanting to wake her up, but he caressed her gently, while luxuriating in their closeness. She came to him. Following her obviously unpleasant conversation with that Eris bloke, Elain sought comfort with Azriel. She could’ve gone upstairs, could’ve done something private and personal, and licked her wounds on her own. But she came to him. She trusted him enough to splay herself atop of his body and now peacefully drool on his chest.  

He couldn’t believe his luck.

Truly.

His girl finally thawed her icy little heart. Or maybe, her heart was always warm and loving, and beating like a fluttering bird, hoping that it wouldn’t be broken. He wouldn’t. He’d protect it with everything he got. 

Elain shifted and he stilled, wondering if she was waking up and whether he was now obligated to remove his hand from the warm globe of her ass. He didn’t really want to. He found himself a girl who blushed like a virgin and hid her face in her hands when he said filthy things. Yet, he wondered if this same girl would suck his cock like his cum was oxygen and she needed it to survive. 

He hoped so.

“Did you dedicate the goal to me?” Elain asked suddenly, but softly, without opening her eyes. 

She startled him, but he answered,

“I did.”

“Was the ‘E’ for me?”

“You are the only ‘E’ in my life,” he clarified.

“Okay. Thank you. It was the most beautiful goal I’ve ever seen.”

“Thank you.”

“Is your hand on my arse?”

“It is.”

“Why?”

“Where else would it be when I have your bare butt showing and you are almost dry humping me?”

“Ohmygod, I am NOT,” she began arguing, but he just squeezed her soft butt cheek, digging his fingers into the delicate flesh.

“Shush, woman. Just stay there for a sec. Enjoy the moment.”

And to his utmost surprise, she obeyed. She didn’t move. She just lay there, and he stroked her head with his other hand.

Awawawawa wufff whaha

“And…he is up,” Azriel muttered, watching Pinky flop over and start talking at once.

“I have to take him out,” Elain said, reaching her hand to stroke the pug’s head.

“I’ll come with you,” Azriel told her.

“Are you sure? How do you feel?”

“Much better, actually, and I’ll have to protect you, you know.”

“I already have one to protect me–he thinks everyone is a serial killer. Serial killer neighbours. Serial killer post men. Serial killer squirrels. The butcher–he isn’t a serial killer. But everyone else–potential killer.”

“I respect his dark worldview. Everyone is a serial killer until they are not. Guilty until proven innocent.”

Elain rose awkwardly, because Azriel refused to remove his hand from her ass. 

“You sure you don’t want to take me for a ride, beautiful?” he suggested.

“You are not at your best,” she raised her brow at him.

“My mediocre is most men’s ‘exceptional’,” he argued humbly.

“Your modesty knows no bounds,” she noted, as she finally got up.

“It smells amazing here, by the way,” Azriel commented, as he sat up on the sofa. He was feeling markedly better. The fever was gone.

“It’s dinner.” 

And before he could say anything, she added, “Yes, yes you’re invited.”

“Well, that’s excellent. Maybe a sponge bath afterwards? In case I am back to having a raging fever?”

Elain scoffed and said, “Not sure how good Piglet is at giving sponge baths, but you two can work it out between the two of you. He likes a good bath.”

“Good idea,” Azriel decided, “I’ll discuss it with him.”

Elain went upstairs to change and it struck him how domestic they were together. He guessed that this was ‘family’. Them taking a nap together, dinner cooking on the stove, his woman upstairs, dressing in his presence, not at all perturbed by him being in the house, Pinky…well, Pinky was now running around and hiding from Elain, who came downstairs wearing jeans and holding some kind of onesie for him.

“Piglet, you need to wear it! It’s very cold outside. You’ll freeze!” she tried to reason with him, while he galloped between the kitchen and the lounge, dodging her and sliding under chairs and tables, until he was crawling along the kitchen counter, thinking that they couldn't see him.

Azriel put his finger to his lips, gesturing for Elain to keep distracting him, while he tiptoed closer.

“Piglet, where are you?” Elain called out, pretending like she couldn’t find him. “Come on! We got to go potty.”

Just then, Azriel made one of his ‘elite athlete’ moves and managed to grab the dog. Piglet wailed in disbelief, having thought that he was so stealthy and amazing with his evasion techniques. 

“Come on, matchy, go for the kill!” he encouraged, while Elain thrust the coat on Piglet, who gave up his struggle pretty quickly, and compliantly got himself bundled up. On top of the coat, he also had to wear a hat with ear cutouts and which was tied under his chin.

“Jesus Christ,” Azriel chuckled. “He is like a smothered baby.” He set the dog down, and went to get his own coat. 

“You feeling broody, beautiful?” 

He held her jacket to her and she snorted, as she threaded her arms into the sleeves.

“And you are volunteering to relieve me of said broodiness, I reckon?”

He shrugged, “I’ve got all the equipment in working order.”

“So you keep telling me,”

“You still haven’t checked,” he noted and zipped her up. 

Then he wrapped a scarf around his neck and said, “Your scarf, baby. Sorry I haven’t given it back to you. I love it, you know,”

“Keep it,” she suggested. “I want you to be warm.”

The moment they exited the townhome, Azriel draped his arm around Elain’s shoulders and pulled her closer. The street was quiet, but Piglet guided them where he wanted to go, and that was towards people, pubs and restaurants. Azriel limped noticeably and Elain worried about him, hoping that he was okay to walk, but thankfully, Piglet wasn’t in the mood to hurry and moved at a leisurely pace himself. He also found a stick, which he immediately brought to Elain, while Azriel murmured, “Yeah. Sticks, man. Bitches love sticks!”

“You are crazy,” Elain laughed.

“I am crazy? I am not the one standing in the middle of the street holding a stick, a limpy boyfriend and a dog in a knit hat.”

“Yeah, the only problem in this scenario seems to be the limpy ‘boyfriend’,” she made quotation marks with her fingers. 

“No, that’s the only thing that makes sense in this equation, beautiful.”

Then Piglet decided that he wanted the stick back, so Elain gave it to him and he trotted along happily holding it in his teeth,

They walked slowly, Elain deep in thought. Azriel didn’t bother her, until he asked,

“Why are you fighting this?”

She glanced up at him and frowned with incomprehension,

“Fighting what exactly?”

“This.” He said firmly. “Us.”

“Us?”

“Yes,” he confirmed, his usually relaxed, playful tone gone. “This, Elain. Yes, Elain. Not Ms. Archeron. Not ‘beautiful’. Not matchmaker. Elain. And I am asking Elain as to why you insist on fighting this?”

“I am not,” she began.

“Every step of the way, you are. You ought to understand that this is it?!”

“What is?” she asked softly, her eyes luminous and full of questions.

“Us, Elain. You can’t be that thick not to understand that this,” and he waved his hand between the two of them, “is something special. This thing that we have going on, despite all the laughs and teasing, it’s something…” he paused. “I ain’t gonna scare you, Elain,” he promised, “but I ain’t gonna leave you alone either. That’s a vow,”

“And if I wanted you to?”

“That’s the thing. You don’t want me to. You want me, just like I want you. And I don’t know why you can’t just admit it?”

She sighed and said quietly,

“Men have hurt me. I’ve not been with many. I’ve had three boyfriends–one in school, the next one, Graysen, was in uni. And I loved him. Really, really loved him, and we got engaged, and then he cheated on me with my neighbour, Clare. And many others, as I found out later. I broke the engagement. It was all hush-hush, to avoid scandal because both of our families are prominent and scandal is a no-no.”

“And now it’s this bloke Eris?”

“How do you know?!”

“I know. What’s he?”

“Lord Eris, Earl Vanserra.”

Azriel rolled his eyes, shaking his head, his jowls ticking.

“Of course. Earl…Is this what it’s about? I am too low born? I know…I know you fucking have a title. What is it?”

“I am just a Lady,” she mumbled.

“You ain’t just a Lady. What are you?” he demanded. “A Duchess?”

“Nesta is the Duchess,” Elain said softly. “She is the eldest daughter, the title is hers. I am a…Marchioness.”

“So that’s it? Is this a class thing? Is that why you won’t give me a chance?” 

“Don’t be ridiculous!”

“Am I?” he snapped. 

“You are. It has nothing to do with any titles!”

“Then what? Explain it to me.”

She sighed and twisted her fingers,

“I feel like I haven’t done my job. I haven’t found you anyone. And I…”

“That’s what it’s about?!” he exclaimed incredulously.

“I don’t know…Yes. But also other things. Eris,”

“Eris is a fuck up who doesn’t care about you,” Azriel snapped roughly. 

“Perhaps,” she sighed sadly. “I am beginning to see it now,”

“What else? You better tell me everything, because like I said, I am not leaving. I am not walking away from this.”

“Can you give me something?” she requested.

“Anything. What do you want?”

“A little time. To understand everything myself. I’ve never felt like this…I’ve never been swept away by a man. I find you…exciting. Interesting. You are so different from everyone I’ve ever met. You are raw and honest. There is a decency about you that’s so uncommon nowadays. You are brutal and chivalrous at once. I feel like you can beat someone to death, yet you hold the doors and you help me with my coat,”

“I can beat someone to death,” he assured her.

“I know. I can sense it. There is a wild, untamed beast prowling under your skin. I love it. I love how you make me feel–how I am free with you, and you just accept me. You accept me and Piglet, and I know that some view me as odd, because I am devoted to him. I am the weird lady with the pug and the pearls,”

Azriel smiled.

“That you are, beautiful. But that’s what I love about you. You are unapologetically yourself, and you love your ornery pug and you know who you are. I’ve also never met anyone like you–because most of the women I see around are either gold diggers or rather vacuous individuals obsessed with their looks and handbags.

“Everything about you is strange, Elain. Your job is strange. Your manner is strange. Your dress is strange. You are a girl from the past, who is also thoroughly modern. I don’t know what to make of you, but I know that I love it. I adore it all.”

They stopped in the middle of the street, while Piglet ambled aimlessly around their legs and Elain asked, her voice trembling with nerves,

“You like me?”

Azriel smiled at her and nodded. 

“I do.”

“Even if I am weird?”

“Even then. I especially love that you are unique. Not weird. You are my Elain,” he cupped her cheek in his scarred hand.  “You are one of a kind. And there is no one else I’d rather spend my perfect day with than you.”

“What is your perfect day?” she breathed, her eyes wet with tears. He brushed his thumb over her lashes and said,

“I’ll tell you one day, matchy. Or better yet, show you. It may or may not include an apple crisp with custard,”

“Oh yeah! I am excited.”

“You and Pinky are alike. Easily swayed by food,” he chuckled.

“Let’s go eat dinner then,” she pulled him to her. 

“Let’s go then.”

Chicken and rice. Oh yeah. This was Piglet’s favourite meal. Well, his most MOST favourite was meatloaf. When Elain made meatloaf, it was the best day ever. But for that, Piglet had to be very, very good. He couldn’t make trouble, wake up in the middle of the night and alert Elain to a serial killer in the bushes, couldn’t steal anything from the kitchen, had to go potty on time, not tear up his chewies, and not lose his baby, so that Elain didn’t have to look for it everywhere. Meatloaf came with many conditions, and sometimes, it was worth it.

But chicken and rice was the next best thing. Piglet got two chicken feet, three necks, and a bunch of giblets, which was del-ici-ous. 

Though while his dinner was making Piglet very happy, what made him ever happier, kind of giddy actually, which resulted in him stopping mid-meal and expelling a loud gagging wail of happiness, which made mom and dad stop eating and watch him warily, was that dad was now here, eating dinner with them, and he wasn’t gonna leave.

Yeah, Piglet knew that dad was here to stay. And that made him even happier than meatloaf.

“Is he…okay?” Azriel asked unsure.

Elain was stifling a laugh, as Piglet roared like a bear over his bowl.

“That’s him being extra happy,” she explained.

“What spurned this on?”

“Chicken and rice, I suppose,” Elain shrugged. “He loves it.”

Suddenly, Azriel leaned back in his chair, gripped the table and roared loudly, startling both Piglet and Elain. Piglet stared at him, until a piece of chicken fell out of his mouth, buggy eyes jumping from Azriel to Elain. When Azriel didn’t stop roaring, Piglet joined him and howled wildly.

“You two nutters!” Elain cried out, laughing and covering her ears. “Stop it! Look at the state of the two of you!”

“We both love chicken and rice!” Azriel howled.

And yes, Azriel really did love the incredible, flavourful and meltingly unctuous chicken soup that Elain served for dinner, but then they had buttered rice with herbs and chicken with ginger and garlic and it was the best thing that he’s ever eaten. Bar none. The soup melted over his bones, over his lungs, filling his chest with warmth and nutrition.

“I must tell you something, Ms. Archeron,” he decided, once the roaring and the howling was done, and Piglet resumed his munching.

“And that is what, Mr. Night?” 

“Sleeping with you and eating your food, made by your lovely hands is the only panacea that I need in my life. Therefore, as you can understand, I can no longer leave you, because otherwise, I will wither from illness and die,” he concluded dramatically.

Elain clutched her chest and exclaimed, “oh, the exquisite drama of it all!”

“I should think so.”

“You’ll be fine,” she told him firmly.

“I will be. With you,” he agreed, and poured both of them more wine. “Thank you. For this,” he added sincerely. “Amazing dinner. Truly.”

“It's just chicken soup,” Elain shrugged, but she blushed and he knew that she liked the compliment.

“When is your birthday?” he asked suddenly.

She frowned and said, “December 23.”

“Oh, right before Christmas,”

“Yeah,” she sighed. “Not only that, but Feyre’s in on the 21st. The 21st is the Winter Solstice, so naturally, every year, Feyre suddenly turns into a pagan goddess and starts to celebrate with gusto, saying how she was born on the longest night of the year. 

“And then it’s Christmas a week later, so normally, no one cares about my birthday. My sisters will ring me up, sometimes we’ll go for drinks, and that’s about it. Dad sends money,”

Azriel smiled at that, “that’s a dad move”.

“Yeah, fifty quid without fail. Every year. In a card. Pretty sure his secretary is the one responsible for sending it.”

“So, do you need a date for Feyre’s birthday then?” he inquired boldly.

Elain shook her head in disbelief, 

“So you are inviting yourself?”

“Actually, I am inviting Rhys,”

“Oh, so you are bringing yourself AND your cousin to someone’s birthday?”

“Maybe Cass too,” Azriel shrugged.

“Oh, so it’s a Night brothers shindig then?”

“Yeah, we know how to party.”

“No doubt.”

“So then? Yeah. I am your date?” he pressed.

“I mean, do I even have a choice at this point?”

“Not really.”

“Seems like it.”

Azriel finished up his meal and looked outside the window. He folded his hands on his stomach, relaxing back in the chair.

“It’s late,” he said vaguely.

“It’s not even eight yet,” Elain commented, drawing her finger over the rim of the glass.

“Yeah. Late.”

“O-kay.”

“See, Pink is already asleep,” he motioned towards the dog, who was sprawled on the carpet, looking like a giant loaf, snoring peacefully.

“That’s just his after-dinner nap. He does that a lot.”

“Yeah…So I am thinking,” Azriel began and Elain tensed, looking at him apprehensively. He tsked and said, “I think I should stay over. Tonight. With my fever and all. Wouldn’t make sense to take a turn for the worse after making so much progress…Besides,” he gave a hammy exaggerated wince, “my leg hurts a lot.”

Elain crossed her arms on her chair, watching this piss poor performance.

“Is that so?”

“Yes! It’s all pretty dire, if I am being honest.”

“So dire that you are unable to call for an Uber or even your driver?”

“Dev has a hot date. Wouldn't be right to bother him. And Ubers are so…impersonal.”

“Are you just sitting in front of me, lying through your teeth?” she asked with a sigh.

“Maybe.”

“What do you want, Mr. Night?”

“I would like to spend the night, Ms. Archeron.”

[kandisheek]

FIC REC WEEK 42 – ANIMAL FIC

Dessert First by newtypeshadow

Pairing: Steve/Tony Rating: E Words: 4,349 Tags: A/B/O, Identity Porn, Soulmates

Summary: Whoever they are, just the scent of the alpha and beta couple Tony dog-sat for jumpstarted his heat a week early. And now they want to meet him. And probably kill him for stinking up their house with pre-heat scent. (Bucky and Steve do not, in fact, want to kill him.)

Reasons why I love it: Yaaas, I love it when Steve, Tony and Bucky go coocoo bananas for each others’ scents. Their first interaction is both sweet and hot as hell, and of course Dodger is the best boy there ever was. This fic is wonderful, and if you haven't yet, you should definitely read it!

Oh bother by nanasekei

Pairing: Steve/Tony Rating: NR Words: 1,684 Tags: Established Relationship, Fluff, Piglet

Summary: At a vacation on a farm, a piglet imprints on Tony.

Reasons why I love it: Awww, I don't know who's more adorable, the piglet stealing all of Tony's attention or Steve getting irrationally jealous over it. I love how Tony resolves the situation and how fluffy the ending is – the last few paragraphs always makes my heart melt. If you haven't read this one yet, you should definitely get right on that!

So Show Me Family by isozyme

Pairing: Gen Rating: G Words: 4,776 Tags: Fluff, Team as Family, Learning to Love Animals

Summary: Tony shrugs super casually. "Sure. Sure, dogs, who doesn't like dogs, let's build a picket fence and go jogging, it'll look great for the press. Avengers: Earth's Mightiest Puppy Rescuers, who doesn't love that as a headline, right?" It's a golden retriever puppy, completely disarming and still fuzzy with its baby fur. Tony does not like dogs.

Reasons why I love it: Avengers family feelings to the max! Everyone's reactions to Freedom the dog are super in character, and I love Tony's journey of slowly but surely coming and to accept and – dare I say – love the dog. This fic is wonderful, and if you haven't read it yet, you are seriously missing out!

Canine Cupid by itsallAvengers

Pairing: Bucky/Tony Rating: G Words: 2,312 Tags: No Powers AU, Dogs, Meet-Cute

Summary: Bucky meets Tony at the park on a Monday Morning. This is because his dog has just knocked Tony flat on his back and Bucky has a brief moment to wonder whether his pet just gave a man irreversible brain damage. (He hasn't. But he has landed his owner a cool new date)

Reasons why I love it: Okay, first of all, the name Gandalf for a dog makes me happier than I can say. The fact that he's also posing as a matchmaker on the side is brilliant. I love this meet-cute, it's super sweet and incredibly fluffy in all the ways I love, and Tony being an incorrigible flirt mere seconds after being run over is fantastic. Definitely check this one out, it's wonderful!

let's do the impawssible by nanasekei

Pairing: Steve/Tony Rating: NR Words: 8,010 Tags: No Powers AU, Crack Treated Seriously, Animal Transformation

Summary: Steve had always been good with dogs.

Reasons why I love it: When it comes to dogs, apparently Steve can't have just one. And the explanation for that, when it comes, literally made my jaw drop, it's so much fun. Plus, I love the whole lore behind Tony's condition and who Dummy is in this story. This fic is cracky and wonderful, and you should definitely read it!

[fetishfairytales2]

Besties 8 (Story)

This was originally written as a continuation of a story by [no longer active] called Besties.

—————

"Ain't happening, piglet!" I scoffed, as I pressed the vibrator against the super sensitive head of his pathetic clitty. His eyes shot back in his skull, groaning and wailing in a combination of ecstasy and torment, wrestling with the restraints as sweat dripped down his flushed face. "But don't stress, Brandi, darling, we're just revving up!"

Preparing to step up his torment, I dipped my hand back into the bedside secret stash. "Well, well, well..." I whispered, charging the air with delicious dread. "Seems Mommy likes it when Daddy plays dirty, huh?" I plucked out the bondage tape, holding it in one hand while maintaining the vibrator's relentless assault. I tore a couple of strips and got to work, wrapping them secure tightly around his twitching, helpless sissy twig and the relentless vibrator.

I took a hot minute to soak in the pathetic sight of him. He was twitching all over, that sissy dick bouncing up and down as if begging for attention. The sheer desperation in his whimpers was just golden. "Aw, what's the matter, Brandon?" I spit out, smirking at his sissy ass. "Lost control, huh? Ugh, such a weakling." 

Back at it with the toy, pressing it against his stiff cock. "So, are you picturing Heather and Conner together now, huh?" I could see a look of dread and excitement in that sorry excuse for a man's eyes. "Unlike your sorry ass, Conner's showing Heather what a real fuck feels like!" His humiliation grew as I laughed at him. "That's why you're stuck here in diapers and he gets to fuck your girlfriend!"

I wagged my finger in his face, watching him moan deeper. “I swear, Brandi, if you dare to spill even a smidge of pre-cum, I'll fucking lose it on you." I put on my best bitchy face, smirking down at him. "You better behave if you ever want a chance to make ‘cummies’ again," I chuckled, mocking him with air quotes. "Got it, princess?" 

As Brandi there squirmed like a worm on a hook, I made myself comfy on the bed, resting my head on his pathetic chest. While he moaned and groaned in his pleasure/pain bubble, I geared up for some reading. "Heather's message time, sissy boy," I reminded him, winking.

"Damn, Heathers been a busy bee," I couldn't help but gawk at the flood of texts on my screen. Poor Brandi choked on his gag, wishing he was in Conor’s shows. The level of details in the texts I’m sure pinched him a little more. Boy, I was having a ball.

“Let’s see what Mommy says,” I winked and cleared my throat, doing my best impression of Heather. “‘Connor just loves how I’m a little cum slut for him. And the kinky shit he enjoys, oh my God girl! Like when I swallow his dick all the way to his balls," I paused, hooking Brandi with a wicked grin. “Apparently they’re trying new things too…” I stopped for a minute to build the anticipation in Brandi’s eyes "...anal. She says he drools over her tight ass, he just can’t get enough of it.” I tried to get as dirty as possible, wanting to tear apart Brandi’s heart and still swell his cock in it’s cage. “She wants you to know that while she would never, EVER, lower herself to let you fuck her ass, 'Daddy Conner can plow her backdoor anytime he pleases'!" I sniggered, empathy or pity miles away from my mind. Brandon's humiliation thrilled me no end as Heather's texts added fuel to the fire. 

"Got it, Brandi? This is what your sweet innocent girlfriend does with real studs." I flaunted the phone in my hands, detailing the fun sissy Brandi was losing out on. "She says she loves to be on her knees, worshiping his massive cocks. Her lips explore every inch, she says she would even rim his ass if he wanted. She says he's the alpha male, that she loves when he puts her on her knees, grabs her by the hair, and forces her to deep throat his massive cock. It turns her on so much when such a strong man is making her plead for him to jizz all over her face and tits.”

There I was, staring down at Brandon’s gross, ugly, sissy face. He had a disgusting mix of enjoyment tangled up with a last ditch effort to hold on to his long-lost manhood. "Seriously Brandi,” I rolled my eyes. You really thought you ever deserved Heather? Pathetic." This just about did it. I could see him getting as rigid as might be possible, his hands clawing white-knuckled at the bedspread. Poor sissy bitch was going to cum hearing about his girlfriend fucking another guy!

"Aww, relax, Brandi," I added in the very same sweet voice, holding his gaze like he was on a leash. "Guess what? Your sexy ass girlfriend has gotten lucky. She’s on to bigger and better things! Now she’s Conner's fucktoy.” I laughed; No shit sissy, how great is that? A serious improvement from the nightmare of your worthless ass humping on top of her for 30 seconds before spooging your sissy goo on her belly. She gets off every single time with him, can you believe that? Heather told me that you had never given her a single orgasm.” I leaned in, licking a tear from his cheek, loving how destroyed he looked. “She had nothing but lousy, fake moans for you every single time! You can't hold a candle to a real man like Conner, can you?" My lips curled in a wild smirk, and I could sense his orgasm coming quickly. "Heather owns you, but guess what? Conner fucking owns her. Guess that means you’re both his bitches!”

God, the loser was quaking like a leaf and his pitiful excuse for a dick was throbbing pathetically. "Got a problem, sissy Brandi?" I teased. The poor thing nearly creamed his Pampers hearing about how Heather had turned him into a cuck. I pressed up against him, my chest smothering his face while my hand held that buzzing toy against his sad little sissy clit. 

He was like a puppet on my string, his body jerked on the brink of the sissygasm. The loser's eyes were bugging out of his skull - a hilarious sight as he suffered. "Come on, what’s the issue sissy?" I taunted, close enough to feel his pathetic panting against my skin. My own arousal was spiking as I got more wicked by the second. Licking his ear, my other hand sneaked into my panties, feeling extra naughty. Humiliating Brandon was pure ecstasy, sending thrilling shivers straight down to my swollen clit. I wanted to overpower him completely, make him crumble entirely.

“Mmm,” I moaned as I played with my clit, taking my hand out of my panties, my fingers slick with my own arasal. I ran my wet fingers over Brandon’s face and through his hair. “That’s it Sissy!” I cooed. "Cum for me, Brandi-Baby, let it all go," My voice was sugar sweet as I coaxed it out of him. Hah! As if that pathetic fool could ever cum like a real man. He was so close to losing it, his pleasure-painted face teetering on the edge of orgasm. "Show me what a tough guy you are, cum for your sweet cuckysitter!” I taunted, the thought of him caving to my demands making me even hotter. Turns out, there's nothing quite as amazing as taking a cocky jerk and grinding him down into a subservient, simping, and squirming sissy

"Ugh, Brandon, you pathetic loser!" I sneered down at him, watching his spunk settle in his nappy - still trickling out from his puny pecker. "Really, Brandi? Getting your sick kicks from hearing stories about your gal getting down with a real man?" I hopped off his chest, plonking myself beside the shrunken sissy. I dipped a finger in his loser puddle, taunting him with the evidence. "Aw, look! You're just a sick, messed up little cucky, aren't ya, girlie?" My sadistic grin was unshakeable as I saw the panic flash of humiliation across his face. "Ahh, sweetie, you're going to have to be punished now," I chuckled, his dread washing over his face. "Should've listened to Ms. Lyndsey when she told you not to spunk everywhere, ya helpless slut!"

[hanniballover67]

“I can’t believe you were that FUCKING stupid!”

Daniel slams his hand against the metal locker, groaning as the cheap metal slices his hand open.

“What the fuck were you thinking?”

Johnny blinks at him through swollen eyes.

“They’re going to take the Dojo away from me, man.”

Daniel stops wiping blood from his $3000 jacket and stares at Johnny, seeing him for the first time.

“I fight, get bloodied up and then I sink to my knees and suck cock. Happy?”

Johnny doesn’t even have the energy to look defeated.

He’s tired. He’s spent so long hiding this from everyone he’s kinda glad it’s out in the open.

“Why?”

Johnny laughs mirthlessly. “‘Cus I look like this. They can feel superior or some shit.”

Daniel still stares him down.

“Plus I’m the best cock-sucker in the game.”

Daniel blushes and Johnny glances down at his crotch where he’s hardening.

“Now you’re thinking about how much of a scum-bag you’ll be if you take me up on that.” He’s not judging him. He knows that look. Same look Kreese gave him the first time he brought him to one of the Shootfight’s.

Daniel shakes that stupidly beautiful head and offers his hand. Johnny bores through his eyes and into his soul.

Daniel won’t use this against him. His Bambi eyes are sweating him an oath.

Taking his hand he grunts as he lets Daniel pull him to standing. He feels a rib break.

Forcing air into his lungs he limps out of the changing room, allowing Daniel to take his weight as they make their way up the cracked concrete steps to the alleyway behind the abandoned slaughterhouse. Johnny’s blood lays next to long-dead calves and piglets.

There’s a comment to be made there but he doesn’t have the brain power.

He’s about to open the door of the Charger when he hears a smoke-husked voice call out.

“Ruben Patterson.”

Johnny flicks his eyes to the short hairy man in the cheap suit.

“I’m off the clock. My ribs are fucked.”

“Mr Silver has a limo waiting out the front.”

He mumbles “fuck me” as he closes the door and holds onto Larusso again.

“Mr Silver?”

Johnny coughs up blood, spits it amongst the broken beer bottles and cigarette ends.

“Terry Silver.”

He feels Daniel tense and whimpers at the pressure on his ribs.

“Fuck, sorry Johnny.”

He doesn’t have the energy to shush the apology.

“What will do you have to do?”

Johnny sighs as he whispers “About twenty of his ‘business associates’.”

Daniel stops in his tracks and Johnny stumbles.

“Hey man, what the fuck?”

Daniel’s staring at him all Disney-Princess like, his eyes wide, gorgeous tanned face pale and - is he fucking SHAKING?

“What?” He’s impatient and in pain. He doesn’t need this.

“Johnny - please tell me you’re not fucking Terry Silver?”

Johnny shakes his head and instantly regrets that fucking stupid mistake.

“He never uses his dick.”

Daniel looks at him with understanding. His Newark accent so strong as he whispers “But the biggest butt-toy he can find. What colour’s your Gi?”

Johnny’s brain desperately tries to work.

How does Daniel Fucking Larusso know about this?

He shoves the slighter man away.

“Have you been stalking me, motherfucker?”

Daniel shakes his too-perfect head.

“Oh Johnny. I’m so sorry.”

Johnnys about to ask him what the fuck he’s talking about when That Voice cuts through his confusion.

“It’s not polite to keep our guests waiting, Mr Patterson.”

Johnny watches as Daniel shakes harder, slowly turning to face the voice.

“Good evening to you to, Danny-Boy.”

[quitealotofsodapop]

JTTW-era Stone Egg part 2:

referencing this previous post about the Pilgrims reacting to the knowledge that au!Wukong is having a baby and has a missing mate.

Ao Lie is a real bro; he figured out Wukong was a having a kid based on his dragon/horse nose, and decides to support him 100% no matter his choice at the end of the day. The fact that he suspects its an asexually-produced Stone Egg that could kill his new buddy is something Ao Lie is keeping quiet about until Wukong himself is comfortable sharing it.

Ao Lie, after Bajie accuses him of having a crush on Wukong: "Ew no! He most certainly has a mate awaiting his return - I wouldn't dare dishonor a married demon!" Wukong, brightly playing along: "Yeah, piglet! Plus, no one will ever measure up to my Mihou!" Ao Lie, confused whinny: "Excuse me, what?" Wukong, tail curling into a heart: "The strongest, most clever monkey on Flower Fruit Mountain - my equal in all including on the battlefield. <3"

The rest of the gang are pleasantly surprised... and outraged to learn that their pregnant companion has a mate that up and left him while he was pregnant. Whomever this "Macaque" figure is, the Pilgrims gonna have a stern talk with him when they find him.

Except maybe the two former-celestials;

Bajie is just like: "Wait, did you just say this Macaque guy was your equal in battle!?" Wukong, wistful sigh: "Yeah..." Zhu Bajie & Sha Wujing: *share equally terrified looks*

Maybe they'll need to devise an attack strategy before confronting this guy head on. Ao Lie loudly states that he's gonna kick the guy if he sees him first.

Tripitaka meanwhile has to mentally wrap his head around the idea of two men marrying before he can process that *Sun Wukong* is married. The Confuscist / Buddhist attitudes at the time said "Girls have Karma Cooties"; so it was considered normal for men to "prefer other men's company" but it was still super-illegal. Being raised in a sheltered, likely all-male, monastery also adds in extra confusion for the monk. Not to mention his own asexuality.

Tripitaka: "Is it... acceptable for a man to love another man like one would a woman?" Zhu Bajie: "Only if they're into it." Tripitaka: "Wha...?"

Eventually he ends up asking the boddhisattvas and different gods for their opinions;

Tripitaka: "Is it normal amongst those in the Celestial Realm for men to... have thoughts of romance for other men?" Erlang: "Oh diyu, yeah! It's totally normal! We even have Tu'er Shen - he's the rabbit god of homosexual love!" Tripitaka, pleasantly surprised: "Oh! That's interesting - but is it accepted?" Erlang & the Plum Hill Lads: *share a footballer's huddle, whispering intensely* Erlang: "Ehhh... just don't bring it up around my uncle. He's kinda weird about it." Triptiaka, a little heartbroken: "Oh..."

Best advice comes from Guanyin herself ofc;

Guanyin: "I'm am composed of multiple energies, Tang Monk. Although I do not experience romantic feelings like say, Chang'e and Hou Yi, I know for a fact that the buddha does not judge those for whom they love - even if their fellow man do so." Tripitaka: *delighted smile!* Tripitaka, remembering why he asked: *fatherly instincts activate* "I'm going to kill that Liu'er Mihou for breaking my student's heart!"

In the Jttw Stone Egged au where Macaque lives, Tripitaka is the only one to get a solid punch in before Wukong calls the gang off.

Angst and canonical death tw under Read More;

Zhu Bajie ultimately starts out as a huge a-hole, and the Journey makes him a little less of a jerk. One huge change Wukong noticed in his bro's behavior was around the time... he lost Macaque.

Especially in the Slow Boiled au.

Bajie would walk up to Wukong like he did many time when he tried stealing his snacks or to poke fun at him... only to sit down next to the monkey watches the moon together. Both longing.

Zhu Bajie: "You know... I wasn't lying when I said I was cursed to suffer many heartbreaks... I know what it looks like from a mile away." Wukong: *says nothing, hiding face in his arms and knees* Zhu Bajie: "You really loved that guy, huh?" Wukong: *nods, face still hidden* Zhu Bajie, confidently: "...you'll see him again. Maybe not in this lifetime, but you will." Wukong, uncharacteristically quiet: "Thanks..." Zhu Bajie: "No problem."

The pig is noticeably easier on Wukong after that day. And maybe a little more appriciative of the time he had with Culian... he's experienced enough bad love-lifes to figure out how to make things work. Maybe after the Journey is over, he'll give her a call?

He does really hope his Eldest Brother and his mate reunite in the future... even if it means in the Diyu.