#but yknow what I definitely WILL do???

[ominous-feychild]

Oh, to have the creative freedom to make a woman fall for the demonic entity her abusive father made a deal with and exploited...

[gunstellations]

its sonics turn! 👅

[ricky-mortis]

So uh…. That pose, huh?

[otaku553]

Haha

[titaniumions]

long time no isokania

[gen4grl]

messy expression sketches + colouring with my oc clem who looks alot like her dad lol

[itsdefinitely]

hey if you're still doing art requests/outfit requests can i request eddie chiplucky in this?:

https://www.pinterest.com/pin/1107604102095763827/

(sorry about making you copy/paste the link i am way to shy to ask for this out of anon lol)

(https://i.pinimg.com/564x/c9/20/bc/c920bc6dcfbb7f194c5e785ece51bbf9.jpg <- alt link in case that one doesn't work)

incredible

[puppyeared]

i feel like im not making any sense but does anyone else feel like there are stories that let u run with them and ones that spell everything out for you

[jamandjazz]

Yesterday there was a guy that was probably on some drugs just spread out on the ground while I was driving and I panicked and almost swerved the car TOWARDS him and my sister had to grab the wheel and scream at me to break which feels very Pony and Darry core 🙂‍↕️

[zeb-z]

dude. foolish surviving a 3v1 inside a tiny obsidian box for over a minute, taking away most of the eggs health with phil before dying for the first time. making nuisance of himself, playing smarter not harder, operating as a distraction with half a heart and a dream as phil deals the final blows. then him and cellbit’s collaboration on their base, the large build and crazy fucking lava maze and decoy obsidian boxes making it impossible for the other team to destroy their egg in return. red team winning not by being the better pvp team, but by playing to their strengths - building, strategy, communication, and complete and utter chaos. they started preparing early, they made weapons, they built extensively and prepared traps and decoys. and with their gas masks and bombs and chainsaws and complete refusal to give up, they had to have been terrifying. if they played the tower defense strategy, they would have lost faster than green had. if they had spent time getting just armor and gear and none actually working on their base, they would have lost worse than blue. the red team won by playing smarter, grinding their ass off, and by turning the playing field into incomprehensible chaos even they couldn’t navigate. they didn’t even know where their egg was and they defended it perfectly. it was a well earned victory today - here’s to hoping there’s no repercussions

[vero-niche]

still obsessed with the cover of vol1 of chi. the gall. the daring. there has never been a more "hidden in plain sight". or maybe its just my adhd that made me completely miss the rope until i noticed his shadow is like. weirdly floating

[pnfc]

.

[mueritos]

a big brain dump about autism, life, being indigenous, and whatever else is going on

so the past few months I made it a personal journey to understand my autism more (and maybe a possible ptsd diagnosis but whatever whatever whatever). and that's what i'm calling it--the autism--because no other thing makes sense for me, and while i'm parsing through childhood memories and experiences, it's definitely...a bittersweet conclusion? bitter because in a lot of ways, i dont relate to the stereotypical autistic experience because every autistic person who has clocked me was usually a White Queer. It's probably why it's taken so long to get to this point of concluding Autism is what it is. I grew up in an immigrant family as a girl, and for that reason I was expected to not be disabled and to be a completely normal and high achieving Mexican catholic girl who went to college and became a doctor or whatever. Now i'm a fag of a man doing none of those things haha.

My older brother was supposed to be assessed for ASD in his youth, and like most immigrant dads, mine decided that nothing was wrong with him and the rest is history. Except my older brother is a man riddled with childhood trauma, shame, and so much autism. Absolutely uncharted rates of autism, and while he gets some sort of pity from my parents for him ("it's all out fault" "he never got the help he needed" "cut him some slack he doesnt understand"), I can never let my own parents know about how much I struggle. Hell, I can barely show it to my own friends because even they don't understand the extent of my autistic struggles. it's actually caused continuous miscommunications, people mad at me, me mad at myself, meltdowns, shutdowns, and a lot of crying. And shame. (a peer recently even demeaned my habit of keeping to myself, despite the fact that I had actually been trying to put myself out there more)

so i'm at a point in my life where I've accepted that I can only take responsibility over how I communicate, and I take ownership over that. Accepting this responsibility allows me to keep myself safe, as I've essentially lived over 2 decades of my life feeling like I was responsible for not just my communication, but everyone else's, including all of the judgements, missed cues, failures, miscommunications, and whatever else came from it. It's definitely double empathy. Last time I truly took on everyone's communication, it nearly killed me (cue over a year of suicidality). But, in a lot of ways it's very freeing. I'm sort of detaching myself from this neurotypical/White need to socially interact with others on their terms. In other ways, it's restricting. I uh. Don't really talk to a lot of people nowadays, and there used to be days where I wouldn't say a single word out loud. But because I don't talk to as many people, I'm able to put energy into the quality of my connections and not just the quantity. Which unfortunately a lot of people take personally. They dont like you admitting that you only see them as an acquittance, or as a classmate, or something like a friend but not quite there. I find comfort knowing how people feel about me, even if its that they actually dont feel close to me. Great! Now I know! Knowing makes me feel safe! But I'm finding that people actually really fucking hate when you admit that to them, the how you actually slot them in ur brain in terms of social levels. I can understand why, but I also don't get it.

Another thing that's helped is I've changed how I do eye contact. I used to make eye contact with professors or classmates while I spoke up in class because I thought that was important. Now I've found I can actually focus more on what I'm trying to say when I don't make eye contact. My god how freeing that has been. I don't have the same anxiety as I used to before, nor do I experience all of the involuntary blushing as I did for many years of my life. It didn't matter how confident or how prepared I felt, I would just blush furiously and I fucking hate it. Now my blushing is almost nonexistent, and I say what I mean with the flat ass tone that I love speaking in because it makes me feel safe. Sure, I miss the real-time non-verbal reactions to my words in class, but it's an okay trade-off for feeling more safe in myself and more confident in the classroom.

another thing is my internship. I work with majority neurodivergent students, and many of my clients have autism, adhd, or both, and are sometimes BIPOC, trans, or children of immigrants. Man, I've been having a blast. Sure, I'm learning how to be a therapist and best practices, but screw everyone in my life who has called me "cold" "emotionless" or "heartless". I have connected with so many people on such a human level, and I have sat there and helped them hold their pain in that tiny gay office for 45 minutes every week, and even though it's only 45 minutes, i'm showing them that they're allowed to ask for help holding that pain. I have had challenging sessions, difficult conversations, and times where I wasn't sure I would know what to say. But at it's core, I know that I'm capable of connecting with the person in front of me because my autism brain is automatically in tune with the person in front of me. It is so wonderful, and overwhelming, and so confusing all at once. When people start crying in front of me, I feel tears well up in my eyes, even if I'm not actually sad with them. It shows me that I'm capable of this empathy that so many people over my life have questioned, which they questioned all because I processed things slowly, or made quick decisions, or because I was honest about how I felt.

on to being mixed indigenous. Phew. I've been trying to build more connections with other Native folk, and I have a couple who I can thankfully call friends and who have never disrespected my detribalized experience. but recently I was interviewed a few times for a fellow indigenous researcher's dissertation, and I did not expect to be chosen on account that I am detribalized. But it had been a lovely experience and I finished my final interview today. It really left me with a lot of emotions that are hard to put into words. Mourning would be one of them, as I likely won't ever know what my tribal affiliation is. Never knowing who my people were, what language they spoke, the land they lived on...I can't describe just how much it destroys me. It feels like literal death, because that's what it is. A disgusting colonial death. And it's why I abhor that of all my identities, being autistic and being mixed indigenous has been met with the most vitriol online. like i guess people can only handle the trans fag mexican dude when hes not autistic and mixed indigenous, because now I am far too ambigious for anyone else's good. though i do know better than to listen to what random people online have to say about me and my path toward reconnection/neurodivergency.

beside's that, i'm trying to find neurodivergent spaces that feel safe, and I'm trying to find ways to keep myself safe. stimming, carrying stuffed animals around, using fidget toys, engaging in my interests, listening to the same songs, eating the same foods. I've had coffee with bagel and chive+onion cream cheese for over a year now. I've listening to almost only Pearl Jam and Alice in Chains for nearly a year now. I rewatch the same youtube videos over and over again. I wear the same few outfits. I wear the same shoes everyday. I walk the same way to and from campus everyday. I try to be in nature as much as I can, and really see it. I imagine nature where it isn't, and I get emotional thinking about the life that used to be on it. I wish so badly that I was a cat, a horse, a bunny, a deer, all so I could experience life through their eyes. i'm putting trust into people, into the universe, and into myself. safety is hard to come by, but im doing my best to accept the risks of life, trying to be flexible, and learn how to sustain myself for the good of the world. I deserve to be here too.

that's about it. besides that, i'm moving to philly once i'm done with grad school ^-^

[fogwitchoftheevermore]

everyday i become more tempted to assign every single fob song to the life series. i could do it. it would be very easy, even.

[life-on-our-planet]

🐄🖤🤍Holsteins🤍🖤🐄

[likesdoodling]

Kind of spoilers? But also not really? Eh. If you've read the last volume you'll understand more of it.

*shrugs

This idea was stuck in my head, so I did something about it :D