#very messy but trying to not care about that and also just post whatever i want yknow

[gen4grl]

messy expression sketches + colouring with my oc clem who looks alot like her dad lol

[soobnny]

dating him | bang chan

❝ have i told you how beautiful you look this morning? ❞

CHAN | lee know | changbin | hyunjin | han | felix | seungmin | jeongin

chan as ur bf wow congratulations

it’s giving strangers to lovers if i’m being fr

u just meet on a random tuesday like nothing out of the ordinary

conversation is made and for SOME reason, chan always feels the cogs in his head stop turning when he’s talking to u

like it feels like he’s constantly on the run all the time so how come with u it’s so different

what did u do to him

well wtvr long story short, he FELL

fell hard

now he’s ur bf

ok hear me out

perk #1: unlimited supply of his hoodies

he’d love it too .. when u wear his hoodie

doesn’t even try to act upset or bothered that u’re stealing his clothes

sometimes he’s the one to even put it on ur bed so u can wear it after u shower

or when u’re coming home from the dorm and when u open ur bag .. oh! his hoodie!

“ah, i must’ve misplaced it 😅😅😅”

yeaaaaaaaaah sure

sure u misplace the hoodie in ur very pink bag instead of his black bag

u’re not very slick christopher bang

u don’t mind tho

his hoodies are always xxxxl in size and it smells like him

perk #2: u have ur own man wife

that man knows how to do everything

he can fix ur sink, build u a table, put oil on ur doorknobs so they don’t harden, can clean, like what can’t he do

have u seen hometown cha cha cha? he’s giving very Chief Hong in his skills

(minho does too but we’ll talk about him in his post)

oh, did i mention he can cook too

one of his favorite little mini dates is when u just go thru cookbooks together

and then … cook

i’m sorry this man is a sucker for domestic things like this

and cooking together means u also grocery shop together

a fun challenge he made up is where u pick up random ingredients and try to make something decent out of it

maaaaaan he’s just giving husband

anyways back to cooking

imagine him in the kitchen right

and he’s tasting something new he made

ofc u’re curious too cos wow whatever the hell he’s making smells and looks good

when you try to ask him if you can taste it, he’d KISS you

“how do you like it? 😏😏😏”

😳😳😳😳

he’s getting bold

he does strike me as shy at first in relationships

and then when u’re together for long, u’re like damn this man kinda freaky

perk #3: his dog

berry loves u

like sometimes even more than chan

(it’s bc u give her extra treats when u can)

u walk his dog together early in the morning

it’s kind of become routine

u’d just get out of bed with messy hair and still in ur pajamas while chan is perfectly ready bc he loves waking up early when he can

u don’t even care that u look like a mess

bc chan always reminds u how beautiful u are every morning

so … messy hair and pajamas … putting the leash on berry and walking outside

it’d just be quiet mostly on the walk

there’s no need for conversation with chan sometimes

chan would say he finally knows what peace means after meeting u

his favorite scene ever is coming home and finding u asleep on the couch with berry

he has a million pictures of that on ur phone

like different days, same scene

sets it as his lockscreen even

on nights u can spend together, u enjoy watching cringy christmas movies w him

cue recreating the scenes

except it’s a massive failure bc both of u just can’t stop laughing

u especially love those christmas movies one

“I DONT HAVE A TWIN WE CANT RECREATE THE PRINCESS SWITCH”

u end up just falling asleep together

ofc not without cuddling and intimate kisses

chan finds he sleeps easier bc of u

he used to always find it so difficult to fall asleep before

so how come it’s as easy as closing his eyes now

btw u two most probably have promise rings

and he most probably wears it as a necklace

and he loves hugging u from behind

chan loves being able to nuzzle his cheek on ur back and hold u

he’d probably do that thing where u’re unaware and then BAM a pair of arms around ur waist

his chin on ur shoulder

oh Wow….. wow i just made myself crazy thinking about that

he’d lean in to kiss ur neck or ur chin bc it’s closest access

and he’d just look at whatever the hell u’re doing

chan loves looking at u

does that sound creepy

he just loves observing u ok !!!!!!

esp when u’re doing something u love

his heart goes 💗💞💕💕💝💘💖💞💓💓

bc that’s his baby

he just adores u tbh

u could just be standing there and chan’s looking at u with heart eyes

anyways whatever CONGRATULATIONS

u guys will probably last forever bc he’s whipped and so in love

he’s giving me the More In Love vibe

like when he falls, he FALLS

happy 4 u

note. credits to user @.luvknow for the layout of this post! let me know what you think! please discuss these with me i’m crazy

[blackknight-kai]

Just grooming headcanons and how would DO/SW react to reader busting out a whole ass skincare/haircare routine with tons of nice smelling products, shampoos, oils and hair masks

monke getting pampered tonight!!!

Okay! So I have grooming thoughts/HC and I’ll maybe get a whole post together at some point for it, but for now I wanna focus on this particular scenario of modern reader wanting to pamper him.

So, I feel like they would actually react the same way about this, mainly because they both grew up in the same environment and are both warriors etc. That being said I do think there will be a few differences and I’ll list them out.

Before I begin, I want to preface that I think if would be funny if they BOTH would be very against/dont wanna do it at first (I’ll explain why- this is in regards to the skincar/haircare/oils etc not general grooming).

I think SW out of the two would be easier to convince, not right away, but I do think hed eventually give in quicker than DO. I also think SW would seek you out after he realized how much he liked it and would demand his pampering. DO would be more subtle about it and let himself get a little extra messy so you offer it. DO is more on the indifferent side, thinking it’s pointless where as SW thinks that but also sees it as ‘fancy’ and too ‘soft’.

- [ ] You would think he’d jump at the chance to be groomed and have your hands running through his fur? Generally yes. But this? No.

- [ ] Absolutely Refuses when you first bring it up. Curls his lip and wrinkles his nose and everything.

- [ ] Thinks it’s a waste. Of. Time.

- [ ] He would be just fine with a wash and scrub in the river/waterfall, doesnt need whatever the hell that is.

- [ ] Doesnt like how stuff feels on his fur (even if it’s gonna be washed off) - he has yet to experience the joy of modern products making his fur extra soft though.

- [ ] He’s gonna argue that for him, someone who regularly gets into fights and rolls around getting into shit and is always getting filthy for one reason or another, wasting all that stuff is useless. (Not that hes dirty, he washes all the time)

- [ ] The scents of the products would irritate his sensitive nose so before you ask again you’d have to find stuff that he could deal with.

- [ ] Grooming is important in his culture so he genuinely loves grooming and being groomed by you, BUT he drawls the line at this fancy frou-frou modern shit. He is a strong, independent warrior and does NOT need to smell like a flower (disregarding how often he rolls in them when playing with monkey cubs).

- [ ] As much as he grew up being used to grooming and it being a bonding thing, it’s not something he is used to in regards of “being taken care of”. It was more of a social thing so you wanting to take care of him makes him on edge.

- [ ] If you keep at it though eventually he will give in, just the once (he thinks). Especially when you show him the products before hand and they dont smell AS bad.

- [ ] He’s gonna pout and sigh dramatically through the first bit of it. Trying to keep up a ‘I’m only doing this for you, you owe me’ facade.

- [ ] But he very quickly realizes that he freaking adores this!

- [ ] The low lighting, soft smells, warm fuzzy atmosphere, being the focus of your attention for an extended period of time?

- [ ] You rinsing his fur? Slowly massaging in the soaps and scraping your nails gently over his skin? The hot warm water coupled with you rubbing the knots out of his sore muscles? Drying him with gentle towel rubs and light blow drying so he’s nice and soft and fluffy? Rubbing oil or lotion on the fur less patches of his so his skin is hydrated and soft? You just touching him for so damn long tenderly, letting him lean back against your chest when in the tub or letting him lay across your lap as you blow dry his back, or giving him a real massage after while he just lies there feeling like a fucking cloud? Even with the damn moist thing you put on his face.

- [ ] He is in fucking LOVE and heaven. THIS is the real heaven, right here. You have one giant puddle of a monkey and you’ve done it now.

- [ ] He’s going to be letting out so many sighs and light grunts/groans of innocent pleasure. His mind will be quiet and he will just bask in the attention you’ve given him.

- [ ] Very addicted to it although it wont happen SUPER often. (Although you made him boujee about his soap now so this is your fault)

- [ ] SWK - again will from here on DEMAND his pamperings when he deems it time. DO - will be more subtle about it, purposely letting himself get messy and take bare minimum washes so you get fed up with how disheveled his fur is and ‘make’ him sit for you for a night of pampering time.

- [ ] He is gonna be smug as fuck though to other monkeys / people with his glossy soft fur and beautiful shining soft skin. SWK would strut like a peacock and DO would be a bit more subtle about it but would still show off.

- [ ] Definitely WILL return the favor. Enjoys it very much in fact, again it’s a social thing/bonding thing, plus he gets to make you feel special too/has his hands on you for extended periods of time.

Side note: I feel like since this is more of a pamper the monkey thing spicy time would be on a low simmer. But if it leads to it, it would happen AFTER everything is said and done. Not that he wouldn’t get you worked up or you him, slick hands are traveling all over each others bodies after all (sometimes deliberately). But I think it would be tender and slow, just enjoying the warm soft gooey atmosphere you two have created for the night.

[sc4llywag]

Since I got Tumblr and have free range to rant however I want, its time for the Assassin's Creed main characters and how they walk post!!!

With each of the games, they change the main characters walking animation to fit their vibe and I need to be able to study them beheehe

Desmond

I don't have too much to say about Desmond's other than his is simple and similar to Ezio's and Altaïr's and I like to think that this is due to the bleeding effect(it happened to me too I walk like the assassin's all the time) his is a little more confined and he keeps his arms closer to himself so he's very typical in the way he walks

Altaïr

In his walk he has a sway to his hips and steady hands(probably to keep himself ready for any assassination), but goddamn the SWAY I never noticed it.

His shoulders also sway with his walk and I love how fluid he is in general, this ties back to his robes for me and how flowy they are to show the grace of an assassin in high profile but when low profile they stay to his sides and he's all in the shadows and I REALLY love that about him.

Ezio

This gif is all I could find so i can't really remember if Ezio's walk is different in Ac2 from Altaïr's because ubisoft is the king of recycling things but whatever. He still has the outward stance but I do notice his head is pointed low to try and keep himself hidden(shadows shit be like) but ofc hes holding the apple here so it's hard to tell if he's trying to swing his arm a lot lol, anyway body language is important to Ezio so hes very good at looking broody as well as fluid in his movements

Connor

(Walk Cycle Research | PKlover4078)

My man my man my man my man😍‼️‼️

The way Connor walks with his hands stretched out and then clenching his fists every moment because he's always ready for a fight goddamn this MF could take me in an alleyway and I'd be happy. I'd like to note with this gif, it doesn't show his slow slow walk and I remember it pretty well, he has a slight cautious aura in his walk, he's really careful in his foot placement(I think) and he's super awesome and I love him a lot. Since we have him running I'd like to talk about that too. He has such an efficient sprint it's so mesmerizing, he keeps his head low and just fuckin vrooms across the colonies<3

Aveline

You can barely see her here bc the damn community doesn't care for Aveline much but I like her even tho I haven't played Liberation, I enjoy the way she walks in a proper manner and she's got that strut the runway strut is everything. I also like how she has a wider swing in her arms, more carefree and comfortable.

Edward

This is such a great quality gif thanks so much Ac fandom!!

Anyway, I really love the difference in Edwards walk compared to the rest of the assassins because he's a pirate, he hasn't had the teaching of grace and secrecy. Therefore his walk is staggering in his footwork but still proper bc he's a sword fighter and very good at it. In a longer gif you'd be able to tell but his footing is a little messy, showing that drunken sailor pirate personality shows in his walk. He has a close arm swing due to him always needing to be close to his weapons, ready for a fight(like his grandson<3)

Haytham

I can barely see how he's walking but I'm pretty sure he had his hand on his sword hilt which says so much abt his character, again always being ready for a fight. He has a very straight posture due to his pompous nature, quick in his form to be efficient because why walk if you don't look proper and efficient?

Shay

Ok he's a Templar and so is Haytham but fuck you I love them.

His walk is so GOOD his walk has a heavy step and he's very prominent, got that straight posture again, not much to say about his arm sway other than the added shoulder sway, love that for him bc he's just so intimidating.

(For reasons I'm not doing Arno, Evie, Jacob, Kassandra, and Eivor since I haven't played their games)

Bayek

Bayek's walk is very different from every other assassin and that makes me love him so much more. He feels very carefree and relaxed but when in combat good lord does he go off!! He puts more sway in his arms than his hips and that's probably why he has a combat centered walk, like Edward.

If you've reached the end thank you for reading my rambling ass get over excited over walk cycle animations :) follow for more rambling!!

[de4dlyniightshade]

I’d really just like to request your most feral Spencer Reid headcanons. SFW, NSFW, raunchy, tame - whatever. Just your like “I will fight anyone who disagrees, they are fact” type headcanons.

(Because I reread all your headcanons and love every single one)

I BEEN WAITING ON SOMEONE ASKING THIS! i've also just been meaning to make a hc post.

i was gonna split them into nsfw and sfw but they just ended up all mixed together 0-0

submissive and breedable spencer truther til i fucking die i'll get him pregnant don't play with me.

loves messy kisses like spit running down his chin, tongues down each others throat, desperately gripping at each other type of kisses.

maybe just me projecting and taking what mgg said as gospel truth but i fully believe that spencer loves a curvy woman, not even just for sexual reasons he also loves to rest his head on a nice big pair of boobs or thighs.

speaking of, boob guy! shamefully, but still a boob guy! adores groping your boobs whenever he can and would have your boob in his mouth 24/7 if he could, has literally fallen asleep with his head under your shirt and your nipple in his mouth.

munch! like the biggest munch ever, loves nothing more than coming home from a long day and burying his face between your thighs or having you ride his face.

knows full well that toys are his teammate and not his competitors and has no insecurities about you using toys on yourself or owning any.

does not care how well groomed you are, if you asked him what he preferred he'd be like??? it's literally none of my business???

needs lots of reassurance during sex, he just likes to know that he's doing good and making you feel good throughout the whole thing.

doesn't like talking about his sex life, especially with derek, no matter how hard he pressed and pries spencer wont let anything but the bare minimum out.

i imagine he's more drawn to a commanding woman, someone who will take the lead and teach him because of his inexperience and finds that he actually loves being dominated and hardly has any desire to dominate you.

really vocal! even though i've already said it like twice he just is, i can feel it in my bones, he's just such a whiny little baby and can't help but moan loudly any time you're touching him.

is completely against the idea of road head until you do it while you're on a long drive and it both changes his life and almost ends it bcs he swerved into the other lane which was luckily empty.

still gets shy when you kiss him in front even the team even years down the line.

learns to cook so he can make you breakfast whenever you're staying at his apartment.

on the same lines, lovesss morning sex, just that feeling of not wanting to get out your warm bed into the cold air, savouring the warmth in the best way possible.

had no idea what queefing was real until it happened and he was like genuinely so fascinated rather than disgusted.

i feel like spencer would own a bird for sure, not just bcs of gideon but he did help him realise how cool birds are which made him get one, probably a cockatiel or parrotlet with some silly name like dave.

all bark, no bite. likes to act a big game in front of others but the second you're alone he's begging and calling you mommy.

loves nothing more than waking up before you, pressing a kiss to your forehead before carefully and quietly getting out of bed to make you breakfast with the intention of bringing it to you but when you wake up before him and sneak up behind him to wrap your arms around his waist he can't help but melt.

very open to experimenting further down the line, anything you want to try he'll try at least once, except for blindfolds on himself, would be completely open to blindfolding you though.

loves public touching, not outright sex but he'd love when you subtly brush your hand over his crotch or take a handful of his ass in a public place.

teaches you how to knit and cries when you actually make him something like a sweater or even just a hat bcs he realises that's why you wanted to learn in the first place.

can't ride a bike.(this is definitely me projecting bcs i can't but i just feel like he can't okay)

lana enjoyer!!! especially if you are, he just wants to understand all the things you love and if you love lana so does he, he'd love to hear you ramble about your favourite songs and would take note of them and listen to them asap and tell you he loves them even if he didn't like some that much bcs he loves how happy it makes you.

wouldn't want to introduce you to his mother too soon but if you ended up meeting her by chance he'd be sweating buckets in case you didn't get along but you two just bond over your adoration for him and he's just so happy about it.

probably took a while to warm up to physical touch in the beginning bcs of his germophobia but when he finally does he regrets not doing it sooner.

washes his hands every single time before touching you sexually, not even for his benefit, he just wants to be as safe as possible with you.

loves elvis and almost proposes on the spot when you offer to dance with him to can't help falling in love, secretly sheds a few tears while you waltz around his apartment in your pyjamas.

okay i've definitely left stuff out that i've thought of but this is long asf so i'll leave it there😭

[raythekiller]

I love the masky nsfw alphabet It riled up my imagination.. soo can i request for a hoodie one?? Thank youu

🗒꒰⸝⸝₊ NSFW ALPHABET ❛ ✧

Featuring: Hoodie/Brian

# Notes: its that time of the year again where i make 1 post and disappear for the next seven months <3 also DAYUM new post format?? (also also theres a new toby drawing on the way stay tuned)

A - AFTERCARE

Surprisingly soft. Wants to hold you close and maybe take a shower together. Don't get things twisted though - it's so he can keep feeling your body against his instead of to comfort you. Call it possessiveness or an ego stroke, maybe.

B - BODY PART

Thighs man through and through. Thigh highs drive him up-the-wall insane. Will also just absentmindedly knead them if you're sitting next to him, especially if you're wearing shorts or a skirt/dress.

C - CUM

Oh he likes it messy. Just enjoys having his cum on you in general - backshots, face, dripping from you after he came inside, you name it.

D - DIRTY SECRET

None. He has no shame and is very open about what he likes.

E - EXPERIENCE

Not as much as you might expect, given his demeanour. Don't get me wrong, it's still a lot, but he makes it seem like he worked as a pornstar for a few years with sheer cockiness.

F - FAVORITE POSITION

If you ask him, he'll say "all of them". But if you put a gun to his head and tell him to choose, he'll settle for doggy. Just loves grabbing your hips and ass while he's pounding into you.

G - GOOFY

He doesn't exactly make jokes, but his teasing might be a bit funny at times. He doesn't mind making things more silly or lighthearted as long as you still cum at the end of it.

H - HAIR

Usually clean-shaven, but he might get a bit lazy with it occasionally. Always at least well trimmed though.

I - INTIMACY

Usually adapts to what you like best. If you just want to get your brains fucked out and keep romance out of it, he'll happily do it. If you like something more tender with lots of "I love you"s, he doesn't complain about it either.

J - JACK OFF

A lot. This guy has crazy stamina (we'll talk about that later), I'd say maybe five times per week or so.

K - KINK

A lot but mainly: CORRUPTION!! I've said it before and I'll say it again he wants to bring the worst out of you. If you're a virgin, he wants go be your first. If you're not, he wants to see just how wild things can get when he pushes you a little.

L - LOCATION

Literally anywhere. He is a fan of semi-public sex, though. In the woods, living room of the manor when (you think) there's no one else home, in a busted alleyway, you name it.

M - MOTIVATION

Oh it's very easy to turn him on. Here's a huge one though: when you take iniciative. He's used to being the one starting shit. When YOU do it, though? When you make it clear you want him to wreck you? Fucking hot.

N - NO

Very short but obvious list: anything to do with piss, shit or vomit. Other than that, I think he's pretty open. Not even averse to being submissive every now and then.

O - ORAL

HELL YEAH BABY! Giving, receiving, whatever, he doesn't care. His mouth isn't just good for talking shit — he knows how to use that tongue. When he's getting head, though? He looks so pretty — head thrown back, moaning and whimpering with a grin on his face. Might buck his hips into your mouth for giggles (and because you sound hot choking on him).

P - PACE

Again, he'll go for whatever gets you off. If you like it rough and fast, he's in. If you prefer slow and sensual, that's also hot.

Q - QUICKIE

Biggest quickie fan in the manor. He just can't help himself most of the time and he doesn't really try to, either. If his horny, you best bet he knows how to get you horny as well and things just go from there.

R - RISK

Loves experimenting and finding new ways to make you moan. Doesn't mind getting a bit freakier every now and then.

S - STAMINA

Jesus christ what are they feeding this man. Y'know when guys are like "I'm gonna fuck you all night long" and stop after two rounds max? This motherfucker is serious about it.

T - TOYS

I don't think he'd go out of his way to buy them, but if you already have them you best believe he's using it to his advantage. Big fan of vibrators.

U - UNFAIR

This guy is MEAN. He doesn't make you wait for too long before fucking you but just those few minutes feel like an eternity with the atrocities he's whispering in your ear.

V - VOLUME

LOUD. He moans, groans, whines, whimpers, you name it. Not ashamed to make some noise and LOVES if you're loud as well.

W - WILD CARD

Likes having his hair pulled— WHO SAID THAT???

X - X-RAY

7.4 inches, cut. Not too thick, just the right girth.

Y - YEARNING

Can't go like, a week without having sex or at least jacking off. Homeboy has a lot of steam he needs to let out.

Z - ZZZ

Only god knows how he doesn't pass out immediately after. Chances are you'll fall asleep before him.

[captainofthedauntless]

Wants

Rise Leonardo x Reader imagine

Info + Warnings: Reader needs help wrapping gifts at the last second before a party. Leo's their hero. And a huge distraction. No gendered language, pronouns, or Y.N used for Reader. An attempt at Spanish by a very not Spanish speaking writer. Established relationship. Arguably steamy. Set a few years post movie.

Commentary: IDK what the fuck happened here.

See, here's the thing.

You are extremely, incredibly kissable.

He knows this. He knows this like he knows his swords are sharp. He knows it in his bones.

He also knows you have somewhere to be.

(Really, his motives were good. He came over just to help you finish wrapping your friend's birthday gifts (okay, and give you shit for only now getting around to it). He just wanted to be a supportive boyfriend and make sure you had time to get ready in peace.)

And yet, because he's either an idiot or an asshole, here he is, boxing you in at your table and kissing you.

See, the thing... you look really, really good. And you smiled at him when you walked out of your room, all dressed up and looking forward to the party you're going to and grateful for his help.

And he's only human- turtle- hm.

He's not immune, is his point.

So here you are, getting kissed, and his hands are on your waist and yours are grabbing handfuls of his shirt and he's very, very happy.

It's only when you gasp against him- his hand slipped, okay, he hadn't meant to squeeze your hip like that- and the sound makes his heart skip one beat and crash into another that he realizes- with all of the force of getting hit by a train- that he has to stop.

It's like cutting off his own arm.

But he does it, he pulls back- pushes back against every fiber of his being that wants to keep you close enough that he can almost hear your heartbeat- because you have places to be.

And you deserve much, much better than him being a desperate disaster against your dining table.

Now he's staring.

He's staring and his hands are still on your waist and your hip and he has to stop. Has to. Needs to. Like, muy rápido, right now, yesterday has to stop.

"...Hi," He says, voice all shaky and gooey through his grin.

"Hi," You repeat, a little dazed as you're still clinging to his shirt.

You're smiling at him again. He's not sure you ever stopped.

Shit. Fuck. He has to walk away.

He wants to keep you there for the rest of your natural lives.

"You gotta go," He mutters grimly, and he realizes how fucked it sounds immediately, and he throws himself into an uncharacteristically jumbled explanation because his brain is still offline. "It's late- you gotta- the thing- I'm- fuck I don't want to stop kissing you."

You cock your head as you process his messy babble, blinking twice, and then you're laughing.

And then he's laughing, because really it's that or take one of your butter knives and portal himself into the ocean, and if he does that he can't do this again.

"I gotta go," You confirm with a wry, bittersweet smile, not letting go of his shirt.

It's going to be so wrinkled.

He literally could not give less of a fuck.

"You gotta go," He repeats, more to himself than you, and you must know that because you're laughing again and you must really not care about... whatever urgent thing you have to go to... whatever that was, because you're not helping him stop like. At all.

You're gonna be the death of him one day.

"Maybe... you could come back by tonight? We could watch that stupid racing movie you've been talking about-"

"It's a heist movie, thank you-"

"-And, uh..."

"Don't say chill. I'll explode. I'll expire."

"I was trying to say cuddle," You say, bashful and exasperated at the same time, somehow. As though he'd ever say no. As if he knows how to say no to you. As though he ever, ever stood a chance.

It's beyond cute. It's enough to make him want to squish you and literally never let you go.

"You gotta go," He groans, his hands darting up to cup your cheeks and squeeze your face softly. "You're gonna drive me insane. What even is this again?"

"Birthday party."

"They'll have another-"

"Leo!" You laugh over his playful persuasion.

"You can send a card-"

"Leo."

"I'll pay for postage. I'll lick the stamp."

"Leonardo," You breathe, all fond exasperation, as though you'd ever let go of his shirt. As though you're any better than he is.

He almost wants to push just a little farther, see what else he can get you to call him.

He really wants to.

He wants a lot of things around you.

And even more when he's not around you.

And now, he's facing min-ee-mum four hours being not around you.

He hates it.

He takes the feeling and balls it up and three-point-shoots it into his mind's trashcan, because you deserve to go and have fun and be merry and all that jazz. He gets you to himself enough- never enough, literally never enough- that he can share.

Plus, he did a fantastic job wrapping those gifts.

And, as easily as he twists and leads and convinces other people, he's played himself right into a corner, because now it's both you deserve him being normal here AND his ego.

He'd be impressed by himself if it weren't for the fact that it means he loses.

He shakes his head a little, because he lost the plot minutes ago and you really gotta go and he's still got you against the table.

"Movie night?" He asks, just to hear you talk. He knows the answer.

"Movie night," You confirm happily, releasing his shirt.

He whines a little. He's barely even embarrassed at this point.

You laugh again and smooth the fabric out, hands warm on his plastron and making him a little insane again, before you press a kiss to his cheek. "Thank you for your help, honey."

"Thank me by making sure those are put front and center on the table, yeah?"

You glance at the boxes- done up in blue ribbon, you notice- and nod. "Art deserves to be displayed," You say seriously, and he's dangerously close to kissing you again because you're perfect.

"Yoooou-"

"Gotta go?" You finish with a knowing grin, eyes smug, head tilted playfully, perfect.

"Extremely, extremely yes. If you don't go I'm never gonna let you go. You gotta go."

"Hm..."

"Nope!" He says quickly, cutting off whatever tease is about to come out of your mouth, clinging to his sanity by half a thread. "Nope, nope, you are taking those boxes and you are going and you're going to have a great time and be safe and that is final."

"Are you telling me or yourself?"

Perfect. The death of him. Smug and clever and kissable and the worst and the best.

"Both, apparently."

"...I can be a few minutes late-"

"Baby, gorgeous, mi vida, if you don't get out of this apartment-"

You laugh bright and mischievous and delightful, and you press a quick kiss to his lips, and you scoop up the gifts and your keys ("You can port out, right?" "I think I'll manage.") and your phone and wallet and he grabs the door for you, because he's a gentleman (unwilling to be an inch farther from you than he has to).

"See you tonight," You promise, turning back to look him in the eye with more open affection than he was ready to see outside his own reflection.

"See you tonight," He agrees, knowing he sounds lovesick.

You leave, he closes the door, he slumps forwards to rest his forehead against it as he turns the lock and laughs breathlessly because his chest feels like it's going to explode from how much of it is just you.

[myballsitchaurghouchie]

Do u have like ref sheets or smth of your characters?

I think your ocs look rlly interesting and i would like to scribble them pls 👉👈

Also please use this ask to info dump about your characters i would like to learn about them!!

YOU WANT TO SCRIBBLE THEM???? THAT'S SO NICE I MIGHT EXPLODE.

Okay i'm pretty sure you were referring to the OCs in my drawing of that one guy digging his hand in that other guy's guts so here i drew a proper "reference" for them + the third guy who's with them

They are my silly billies, Ceaser (he/him), Missy (who goes by many names)(she/he) and Remy (he/him).

Remy is like a thousand years old vampire, Ceaser is a much younger vampire (turned around the 1970's or something idk) and Missy is a former vampire hunter. Shenanigans happened where Missy was supposed to kill Remy but is now living with the both of them.

I have a whole story of how they all met and how Missy ends up staying with them, but i prefer focusing on using them for worldbuilding of my own take on vampires + i like just thinking about them chilling together.

Ceaser is almost always tipsy or straight up drunk to cope with his vampirism. Him and Remy have a little sewing/tailoring business going on + Remy owns an antique shop (a lot of the items he sells are stuff he found dumpster diving and decided to repair). Missy is trying not to lose his mind over his cultist vampire-hunting family that may or may not be looking for him, and Remy is just chilling taking care of the two of them in his manor.

Here's more drawings of them. Ceaser's tattoos always change that's normal i just can't decide. Let's say they're all tattoos he drew himself with sharpie ♡

There's a lot more about them and the things around them and the vampire lore i make up (like. Remy feeds on blood and Ceaser feeds on thoughts or whatever) but i don't like making long posts so. Yea ♡

Thank you for asking about them this is so nice and so enabling for me to get an opportunity to talk about them

[Image Description in Alt Text and under the cut.]

Image 1: A digital drawing of 3 characters drawn from the shoulders up.

One the left is a character named "Ceaser"; he has light brown skin, a long face and droopey eyes with eyebads, long messy and wavy white hair that has black roots showing, and various piercings. He wears round glasses, has tattooed sclera and white irises, and tattoos on his cheek, neck, collarbone and torso.

The next character is bamed "Missy"; she is lighter skinned and is shorter with a rougher face, a short buzzcut with a few white hair, and wears square glasses. She also has an eyebrow piercing, a tattooed line going from her lower lip to further down her body, and scars on her torso.

The third character is named "Remy"; he is darker skinned and looks much older, has long, greying black hair in dreadlocks and a beard that is also greying. His eyes are almost entirely white.

Ceaser and Remy are vampires, while Missy is a human.

Image 2: A drawing of the previous three characters, now in a chibi-esque style, seen entirely. Ceaser is wearing a black sleeveless top and baggy pants, and he has tattoos on almost the entirety of his arms. Missy is wearing slim clothing in shades of black and combat boots. Remy is wearing Victiorian-era adjacent clothing in hues of purple and white.

Image 3: Another drawing of the same characters, very similar to the previous one. Missy this time is wearing a red tank top and jeans, and Remy is wearing a turquoise vest.

Image 4: Various sketches of the same three characters in different styles and situations.

At the top left is Remy holding a bag happily, saying "Today's dumpster diving was fruitful ! Thank you lots, kids !". In the background is Ceaser laying on the floor saying "Anything for you Remy", and Missy standing with text next to her that says "I used to kill people".

next to it is an exchange between Missy and Remy; Missy is gripping Remy's shirt threateningly saying "Look at me in the eyes when i talk to you", to which Remy responds "I don't know... That's scary....".

At the bottom left is Ceaser hugging Remy while saying his name, and Remy responds "Good morning to you too, Ceaser".

At the bottom right is Ceaser sitting on a couch, holding a phone and a jpeg of a Heineken bottle to his lips, and Missy is leaning over the couch, talking to him.

Image 5: A traditional drawing of the same characters. Missy and Remy are sitting on a couch, covered in lipstick marks from Ceaser who is standing behind, smilling and drooling. Missy is sitting bewildered and confused while Remy is wiping the lipstick off and smilling.

Image 6: A doodle of Ceaser and Missy fighting. Ceaser is saying "Bitchass dyke let go of my hair, motherfucker", while Missy is yelling "I should have let you kill yourself, you're too dumb to live".

Image 7: A drawing of Ceaser and Missy sitting on a couch; Ceaser is laying on the couch looking at his phone and Missy is sitting with a leg over him, looking directly in front of her. Ceaser is saying "Erm... okay pussy eater ?", to which Missy responds "Dick licker".

[deadguywalkin]

nsfw hcs for seb/sam/alex both solo & together because i’m gay and still evil, just more evil this time

mdni with this post, cw nsfw, mostly mlm

i won’t be posting any more nsfw content beyond this, i just felt silly today

alex

top, versatile but mostly dom, doesn’t mind bottoming

HUGE size + praise kink. wants to be praised as he’s fucking into them, to be told that he’s the best. also just thinks it’s really hot when he’s a lot bigger than someone

gets pent up very often which just leads to him being very rough and aggressive, in contrast to his warm and loving personality

very handsy and grabby, can grip a little too hard and leave bruises accidentally because he doesn’t know how to balance controlling his strength while focusing on the other person and himself, and just generally everything going on at once.

too embarrassed to just outwardly say ‘i need you’ since guys still make him nervous. he only knows how to talk to them in a bro way. will get eventually get desperate and then end up texting because he can’t say it face to face

also wants his face to be held gently while he’s looking over them as he’s told that he’s doing a good job. just loves being the golden boy

needs lots and lots of tight cuddles after so he can be reassured he never did anything wrong

sam

the most versatile/switch man you’ll ever meet

‘hold on, i gotta get the right music’

usually very gentle and tender, gets insanely rough and messy when pent up

also really really enjoys being called a good boy while fucking into them 

bite bite bite bite. lots of biting. he just REALLY likes biting

pleasure top.. no words. he just wants to study their insides and see what makes them feel the best

really vocal. cracky and whiney voice

loves his mullet being pulled/tugged/gripped on

hints at wanting to fuck by grabbing at thighs, just being very handsy and giving them the look™ (fuck me eyes)

though he loves praise, he also heavily enjoys being threatened. throat grabbing and the likes

seb

mostly dombot, but also pretty versatile and switchy

he has a smoking addiction.. he also probably has a huge oral fixation.

pierced nipples. do NOT argue with me on this he so would

opposite of alex’s size kink, loves being smaller and overpowered. being carried, beaten in arm wrestling turns him on significantly 

has a thing for bruises. he definitely loves getting off of his knees to see them all red or the occasional bruises on his hips/wrists

doesn’t mind whatever kink/thing his partner has and honestly just doesn’t care as long as he’s getting fucked stupid

not vocal. low and deep groans, and the very very occasional quiet breathy ‘hmmh.. hah..’ >> sounding like he’s full on sobbing pipeline

loves torturing them. just loves it. ;; he quickly lets go the second he feels a slight twitch. ‘not yet. good boy..’ he says, with a little ruffle to the hair. 

also enjoys watching them cry from overstimulation. he’s pretty sadistic when it comes to stuff like this

doesn’t hint, he just outwardly says it. but if they aren’t dating yet he gets flirty and uses his narrow eyes with a relaxed voice

all 3/general

wear their bruises/hickeys/bite marks like medals of honor. don’t even try to cover them up.

seb loves being able to just turn his brain off while being with those himbos and just open up his mouth. he usually has to do all of the thinking around them, but now he gets to just shut them up

samalex would probably be lying if they said they didn’t love seb being trans a little more than they should.. save me boypussy, save me..

seb rides them into oblivion LMFAO

sambastian just. love being overpowered by alex. they need to be put in a headlock

alex having many many gay and questionable thoughts about emo/pierced boys

sebalex are batshit insane about vocal guys

sam+alex

surprisingly very warm, gentle, loving, but interchangeable with being batshit horny and just fucking each other. 

can’t keep their hands off of each other. really really touchy

a lot of ‘is this okay?’ ‘sorry..’

‘mmhf.. you’re doing.. so good, bro..’

they switch often

sam takes a while to figure out what alex likes (with alex insisting he can just do whatever he wants), but eventually does figure it out and adjusts to it

wrestling to see who gets to top. a lot of wrestling.

they’re giggly and soft together

seb+sam

a lot of oral, seb enjoys torturing him and sam enjoys giving him what he likes/wants

they baby each other. they’ve known each other all their lives, so they’re just really comfortable acting like/doing whatever together. 

seb convinces sam to let him just give him what sam wants sometimes, not for him to just people please 100% the time

get high >> have sex while listening to csh

very handsy aswell

seb+alex

teasing selfies. they’re competitive and like riling each other up

they often fight for who gets to dom

>> often ends up with alex getting to fuck him stupid or seb getting to ride him mindless

‘fuck, good boy.. you’re doing so.. good..’

they just love being really risky with it

fighting/arguing >> angry sex

based off of the hairgel joke LOL but alex probably would infact keep hair products at seb’s house

[letsbangchanblog]

NSFW ABCs for INTAK

Mature content: 18+ post! Minors, do not enter!!

Summary: NSFW ABCs

Idol: INTAK from p1harmony

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Intak needs aftercare more than you do. Aftercare has to be full of love. He thinks this is the most important part of sex. It's not good sex without sweet after care. He needs you to play with his hair, call him handsome, etc. I love you needs to be said like 7 times. Kisses. Kisses. Kisses.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Intak is very confident in his whole body but needs to hear it from you to be real. The fans can say it all they want but he only wants it from you. He will perform graphic dances but it's robotic. You make it all real.

Intak is into big hips, so he loves yours. He loves to grip them sexually and romantically. Curvy women make the world go around.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Very normal. He actually hates things to be messy. Very fast to clean up his cum. It makes him uncomfortable so he feels so sorry for you.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Subby boy for sure. He loves people seeing him as a dominant man but only you can have him wrapped around your finger. He is very whipped. Willing to do whatever for you.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Shocking but I don't think he has a lot. He is seen as a frat boy but he is actually very romantic. He thinks sex is for love only.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

He loves you being on top or missionary. He loves the view so much. He also can't get over the fact that someone wants to be intimate with him and stay around (he is so used to being sexualized; it means a lot for sex to be about the love you share).

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

He's a naturally goofy boy. I think he will try to act cute and sweet but it actually makes you laugh at him more. He would be his natural self even during sex. This means he will just act on impulse; he can be more serious or more humorous.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Very well groomed. He keeps himself up to date. He would never be caught slacking. It makes him feel more confident in himself.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

One of the most romantic men during sex. He thinks your body is a gift from God and he is blessed to be touching you. He will bend over backwards for you. You just have to make sure you tell him three compliments.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

I think he thinks it's boardline wrong in a relationship. Like why would he need to do that? He has a beautiful girlfriend that makes sex so much fun.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

He wants you to see him as a bad boy sometimes. He loves being a good boy for you but wants to be bad so badly. He would lose his mind if you acted upset with him for misbehaving. He would be like no no until you tell him it's sexy.

Do not be mean to him though like calling him stupid or anything. He can't hear mean things from you but he does wanna act up and be softly corrected

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Bedroom for the most part. He will do it on the couch but he is a very traditional man when it comes to location.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

He wants to be a good boy. He wants to make sure that he is giving you the best life you deserve. He NEEDS you to feel fulfilled in all aspects of life and will never forget sex is high on that list.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

He doesn't like when you push him around roughly. He wants to be treated softly. Do not expect hardcore sex with him. He does not get the concept. Sex can be fast paced but slapping you, degrading you…. He could never and definitely doesn't want you to do it to him. BUT he does wanna be a dirty boy.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

He isn't big on oral honestly. He will let you suck his dick if you want but would rather be balls deep while kissing you softly.

He would eat you out if you asked but he is never gonna do it himself.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Fast and sweet, or slow and sensual.. no room for rough (if he acts up, he wants you to turned on by that and ride him faster but not aggressively more like you are proud)

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

It's a no from him. He doesn't see the point. No one should be so horny they can't wait for a proper hour of loving (until he tries it before a concert).

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Will fuck you right before a concert so you can remind him who he belongs… then take him home and tell him how naughty he was for dancing for girls that aren't you while you ride him slowly, begging to be forgiven.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

He can last a long time. He will wait until you give him permission. If he cums before that, he will blush for being bad.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

If you like them, he is willing to give it a shot. If you use toys as punishment, he will learn to be bad more often. He loves them after trying.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Please don't be unfair to him. He would never be unfair to you. He knows he was “bad” but it was only to be sexy. He would never actually be bad for you.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Whimpers so loudly.. hardly moans but man does he whine.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

He would think you are getting bored of him and would dress up for you. He would do anything to make you want him.. maybe even let you be rough with him BUT ONLY IF YOU REMIND HIM IT WASN'T REALLY HOW YOU FEEL (just ride him slowly, you promised to not be unfair)

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

Huge dick…. Blushes when you say it thinking you are doing it for his ego but no…. He's truly just big.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Horny if you are, otherwise, he has a lower sex drive. He is a good boy and will always be ready tho… being needed makes him horny

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Bro is out in 3 seconds. It was so exhausting for him to pretend to be bad. Wakes up to remind you that he's a good boy and to forgive him.

[joocomics]

hey dinna! hope you’ve been doing well 🫶 idk if ur taking HC requests rn, as i’m sure ur busy w kinktober (which i’ve been loving btw!!) so totally understandable if ur not, but if u are… how do u think the heroes would comfort their partner who was going through a difficult time and feeling bad about themselves?

(asking for a friend) ((it’s me i’m the friend. PMS has been getting to me and making All of my insecurities flare up and i even had a work-related nightmare the other day from the stress 🥲 i know the feelings will pass and i’ll be fine but it really sucks rn and i wish i had a pretty boy to hug me and tell me it’s ok 😭))

hi pookie 🫶🏼 i’m sorry to hear you’re going through a tough time and i really hope this post as little as it is brings you some joy! i’m sure you’re strong and you can get through it quicker than you think! make sure to rest well and take care of yourself now more than ever ~ i’m here if you need to distract yourself from everything. also, thank you for reading my kinktober event, means more than you know 🤎

gunil would talk to you about it firsthand because for him it’s important that you know you can always share anything with him; undeniably the conversation would ease the storm inside you. he’s patient, understanding and very good with words; he’d know what to say and how; when to speak and when to leave you to be the one talking while he just listens and caresses your back with affection. the conversation would be comforting, and once it’s over, he’d propose to you to go for a walk in the park so you can get some fresh air. his eyes won’t leave you out of sight throughout the whole day and they’ll radiate love and gentleness. if you’re not in the mood for that, he’d order food and make a cosy space for a movie night

jungsu would cuddle you so much; he’d lock arms around you and keep you warm and safe while leaving soft kisses in your hair. he wouldn’t be big on talking in the specific moment, but when he speaks he’d say exactly what you need to hear and every word would be healing. you’d feel your heart calming its rhythm and healing its wound slowly as he whispers that you’re doing great and that everything will be okay; he’s by your side and he’s always going to be here for you. he’d make sure to spoon you when you go to bed to limit the chances of you having another nightmare, and during the day, he’d be throwing you compliments and little encouraging phrases that would have a big positive impact on your week

jiseok would be slightly perplexed maybe solely because of wanting to help you feel better and being unsure if he’s doing enough. until you show him that his presence alone is already enough for your heart to relax. he’d definitely sneak a few jokes here and there, hoping to make you laugh, as he keeps your head resting on his lap and his hands playing with your hair which is another thing that always makes you feel at ease too. you’d be able to feel the love he has for you as his fingers caress your cheek gently and his eyes look down at you lovingly

seungmin would talk to you about it when you want to talk about it, and when you need to have some alone time, he’d cook for you. he’d make your favorite meal and put on the movie that he knows you keep rewatching because you love it so much. he can easily tell when your mood starts to drop and every gesture of his would radiate support and affection in order to remind you he’s there for you. he’d buy all your favorite snacks, he’d shower together with you, he’d do your hair and take you to the mall so you can laugh together at silly toys and such

junhan would be the best listener; he’d really try to give you not only support and validation but also advice if you need it, for work or your own personal reasons. he’d ask questions and try to help you go through your messy thoughts that would be clouding your mind. after a long conversation he’d want to uplift your spirits and would want to know what you want to do. whatever you’re in the mood for, that’s what he’d be in the mood for too. going out for brunch, chilling at home and listening to music, going to the cinema… you name it. on days like that he’d just want to see you smile again

jooyeon would let you cry on his shoulder for as long as you need. he hates to see you cry, but he knows it’s relieving you from the pressure; if it’s something you feel the need to do in that moment he’d hold you in his arms and caress your back gently while quietly reminding you that it’s okay. he’d kiss your nose then your cheeks until he covers every part of your puffy face with quick soft pecks. he’d make sure you know it’s normal for everyone to have days like this and that you shouldn’t forget that you’re not going through them alone. the crying session would turn into the two of you chatting about some mundane things while cuddling, and then the cuddling would turn into him suddenly playing fight with you out of nowhere (spoiler alert: he’d let you win. not easily, but he’d let you win)

[starstruckkittensweets]

"Promise Me" | Gojo x Reader

Fandom: Jujutsu Kaisen Pairing: Satoru Gojo x Reader Words: 2.3k

A/N: no one talk to me, this is my way of coping with the latest chapter. This week is not a fun one for us Gojo lovers. Also this scenario has probably been written a thousand times at this point (thanks a lot Gege) but here's my two cents on the matter (go figure, my first official Gojo post and he's fuckin dead)

Warnings: JJK 236 SPOILERS, mentions of fem!reader, nightmares, brief mentions of violence/gore, pet names (baby, sweets, pretty girl), very self-indulgent and I apologize for that

Nightmares are a common occurrence in your line of work; you knew that even before you agreed to take the job. Usually you can stand them when they hit. Staring into the shadows of your bedroom, wide eyes raking over every little thing inside, too scared to even move a muscle. Knowing that, once you do, the illusion will vanish. The fear will go away, bit by bit, until you feel comfortable enough to fall back asleep.

Till the next morning, when you can’t even remember what you were so afraid of.

But this time is different. Your body isn’t frozen at all; you don’t snuggle deeper into the blankets, praying that they’ll be enough to protect you from whatever creatures lurk in the night. In fact they’re suffocating—but even when you throw them off you’re still heaving like a madman. Cold sweat clamming up your skin. Hands trembling at your sides. Eyes nearly bursting from your skull when you realize the other side of the bed is empty.

Empty, empty—where is he? Where did he go?

Was your dream not actually a dream after all?

You’re shaking so hard when you force your way out of bed. Nearly toppling over your own two feet as you stumble out of the bedroom. The door’s cracked open, but there aren’t any lights on, where is he, where the fuck is he?!

Another step, round the corner, and suddenly you smack face first into something hard. A soft oof reaches your ears, and through the darkness and the veil of your tears, you can barely make out the two blue lights glowing at you from above.

“Whoa, careful! Sorry about that, almost didn’t see you there. What’re you doing up so late, baby?”

Your eyes are still blurry, no matter how many times you blink. But you can still see him, his hair messy from sleep, wearing nothing but a pair of old sweatpants. He offers a lazy smile, but it drops almost instantly when he sees the tears spilling down your burning cheeks.

“…Hey, what’s wrong?”

Maybe it’s the tender tone of his voice, the soft way he speaks those three simple words. Or maybe it’s the fact you can see his eyes dim ever so slightly, signaling he’s turned off his technique for the moment. Or maybe it’s just knowing that he’s here, still alive and breathing and in one fucking piece, that makes you lose control. (Not that you had very much to begin with, but still.)

He visibly jolts at the shrill wail that rips from your throat, his whole body rigid as you throw yourself against his chest. Tiny arms wrapped around his waist, nails digging into his muscular back. Almost as though you’re scared he’ll disappear, anchoring him to you with every bit of strength you have.

What does he do? You’re obviously in distress, but why? He’d just left to get a glass of water, he’d been gone for less than five minutes! And now you’re blubbering like a child into his bare chest, sobbing so loudly he’s surprised none of your neighbors have come banging on your door.

“Baby, come on,” he tries, but the pet name only seems to make you cry harder. He winces before taking hold of both your shoulders. He doesn’t bother trying to pry you away; no need to make you even more upset. “You gotta tell me what’s wrong. I can’t help you if I don’t know.”

Damn it, everything he’s saying is just making it worse. He hates seeing you cry like this. So tiny and frail, curling into his chest, incoherent words and noises spilling from your lips. You won’t answer him or let go of his body, no matter how many times he tries to convince you.

Does he just ride it out and let you finish? What if you pass out? Will you still remember any of this by the time you wake up tomorrow? Was it something he said earlier that made you this upset? He wracks his brain, trying to see if any of his earlier teasing struck a nerve within you. He doesn’t recall saying anything that could prompt this kind of reaction out of you…

Then again, what could? You’re his girl, his other half (as he’s quick to remind you and everyone else within earshot). Strong but soft, a capable sorcerer climbing the ranks with ease. You have an unshakeable character, sticking true to your values and morals no matter what. It’s one of the reasons why he fell in love with you in the first place. Not just anything could resort you to a crying, trembling mess in his arms.

He sucks in a deep breath and tries again. “Come on, tell me what’s wrong. I promise I’ll make it all better, I swear!”

And he’s just about to bribe you with some of the sweets he’s stashed away in the kitchen when you lift your head from his chest. Cheeks hot and tearstained, and yet you’re still so beautiful.

“S-sorry,” you barely manage to choke out. Your throat’s practically on fire, and you can already feel a monster of a headache coming on. “I…I had…”

He doesn’t say anything. He simply wipes your tears away with his thumb, waiting patiently for you to finish.

“…I had a bad dream…”

It sounds so fucking childish when you say it out loud. Should’ve just kept your mouth shut, gone back to bed once you saw he was okay. What do you expect he’ll do about it, huh? Not like he can erase your bad memories, no matter how strong he might be.

But that hole in your chest is still there, even after all that crying—

And you can’t help it anymore. You press your palms to your face, desperately trying to rid your fact of all those tears. Wanting to save at least some of your dignity before the night’s over.

A pair of warm hands close over your wrists, his touch surprisingly gentle as he pulls your hands away. Exposing your teary, blubbering face to those beautiful blue eyes. The mere thought makes you want to cry all over again.

“C’mon now, you’re too pretty to cry like that.” The corner of his mouth is quirked up in a smile, his messy hair hanging over his eyes as he tilts his head to meet your gaze. He catches another tear on his thumb, making sure to wipe it away before pressing a kiss to your cheek. “I don’t like seeing you all upset like that.”

“B-but”—oh fuck, here you go again—“you were…you were dead!”

You can still remember everything so clearly. The blood trickling from his mouth. The glazed look in those dull eyes. How fucking fast it all seemed to happen. One moment he was fine, breathing and smiling as usual, and the next he was staring up at the sky. You didn’t even hear his body drop to the ground.

So much blood, it’s not supposed to be out of your body like that, why couldn’t I save you, why couldn’t—

“I’m sorry!” you blurt out, even as he takes you in his arms and pulls you against his chest. “I wasn’t enough to save you! You were dead and I couldn’t do a damn thing about it!”

You don’t even know what you’re saying at this point, but for whatever reason, talking about this seems to help. Your chest feels a bit lighter than it did before, even if your heart’s as heavy as a stone.

“You’re not supposed to die! And I know that’s stupid of me to say, everyone dies at some point, but you always say you’re the strongest! No one can hurt you, even if they tried! So why—”

Your voice catches in your throat, tears still streaming down your face. He still holds you close, one arm around your waist, his other hand resting on the back of your head.

“…Why did you leave me? You said you’d never leave me, no matter what! But you did—and I let it happen—I’m so fucking sorry, Satoru, I just—”

You’re running out of steam, you can feel it in your bones. Too exhausted to cry anymore, probably too burnt out to even walk back to your room. But before you can even try he’s lifting your face in his hands, tracing your swollen lips with his thumb.

Smirking down at you like there’s nothing wrong in the world.

“Why are you sorry, sweets? If anything, I should be the one saying sorry. Sorry that dream version of me was such a cheap imitation.” He rolls his eyes with a scoff. “Like I’d let myself get killed like that.”

“S-Satoru, I’m serious!”

“And so am I.” And you can see it in his face—the way his eyes practically burn into yours, his mouth set in a tight line, his jaw clenched even when he forces out the words. “I said I’d never leave you, right?”

You sniffle out, “Y-yeah…”

“And I meant it. So no matter how many bad dreams you might have of me,” he curls his hands around your thighs and lifts you up effortlessly, securing your body against his chest, “just know that they’re dreams. Nothing more, nothing less.”

Slowly, he begins to carry you back to your room. Your arms find their way around his neck, fingers burying their way into his soft white hair. You’ll never get over how strong he is, how amazing he is—and how of all the people in the world, he chose to share the rest of his life with you.

Not strong enough to save himself from dying.

Your throat fills with bile at the thought, even as he settles you back down against the mattress. Back in the place where your nightmare occurred, where you saw his body and all that blood—

“Don’t leave me!”                                      

“Baby, I wasn’t even planning on it.” Damn, this nightmare really messed with your head, huh? “I’m staying right here with you, alright?”

You won’t disappear on me again? You won’t leave me alone like you did in that dream, right?

He seems to see right through you, given the soft expressing in those dazzling blue eyes. “I promise, I won’t leave your side. Not tonight, not ever.”

It takes a few moments for the two of you to get situated in bed; Satoru ends up having to do most of the work, since your arms and legs are still trembling uncontrollably. But the second the blankets are back around you, he wraps his arms around your shoulders and pulls you into his chest. Long legs tangling with yours, his breath warm against the crown of your head.

Lips soft as they press a thousand kisses to your forehead.

“I don’t know what kind of curse you dreamt of, but if I ever came across something like it one of these days…” He leans down, lips ghosting over the shell of your ear. “…I’d win, hands down.”

“You’d better.” Your head’s pounding something fierce, every bone in your body screaming for some proper rest. And it starts to feel normal, being wrapped up in Satoru’s arms. “…Otherwise, I’d have to kick your ass.”

He lets out a laugh before nuzzling his face in the crook of your neck. His long eyelashes tickle your skin, his lips sweet and warm when they finally find your own.

“I’m sure you would. Although, I’d never let that happen; I’ll make sure to win every single fight, I swear! Don’t wanna make my pretty girl worry about me.”

But you’re always going to worry about him. It’s in your blood, comes with the territory of keeping this relationship alive. And maybe it’s stupid, maybe he is strong enough to never have to worry about himself in a fight. But there’s always going to be that part of you that wonders if he’s going to make it home tonight.

You tilt your head, eager to taste his lips again. Like your life depends on it, and the thought makes him smirk.

“Aww, can’t get enough of me, sweets?”

“…Shut up.”

But he knows he’s right. And you know he’s right. Doesn’t mean you have to say it out loud, though.

“You know I meant it, right?” Suddenly he’s holding your face again, brushing his nose against your own. His voice strangely soft as he leans in close, warm breath ghosting over your face. “’M not leaving you. Never, ever, ever!”

That gets a smile out of you. Weak and pitiful, but a smile nonetheless. At least he’s earnest. At the end of the day, he means well when it comes to you.

“I know you won’t. …So thank you.” You return his hug, sneaking your hand between your bodies and pressing it against his chest. Your throat growing tight when you feel the familiar b-bmp of his heart against your trembling palm. “Thank you for staying with me.”

There’s that tiny voice in the back of your head, urging you not to listen to such pointless promises. Knowing that deep down, neither of you can stop death when it comes knocking at your door. No matter how much power he possesses, even Satoru Gojo can’t resist death’s clutches when they finally sink their claws into him.

But there’s time for you to deal with all of that in the future. Right here, right now, he’s safe and sound in your arms. Messy white hair tickling your neck as he nibbles on the skin of your earlobe. Making you giggle as he brushes the rest of your tears away.

And thanking whatever deity may be listening above that you get to spend just one more night with him, wrapped up in his arms with his lips against your own.

[grays-matter]

okay buckle up little gay monsterfuckers in my phone

MY THOUGHTS / A REVIEW OF VENOM 3: THE LAST DANCE. it only took the whole weekend to gather my thoughts. sheesh. I tried really hard to be coherent and not have any typos but they're probably inevitable.

(feel free to add on / build off this post if you want I WANT TO YAP)

First, the spoiler free portion:

Solid 5.9/10, A good movie, not great for the non-comics fan and also not good for the people ONLY there for the symbrock. This is about their conflicts. If you wanted a queer romance that isn't angst and constant separation and generally a victim of bad writing, this is not the character or movie for you. They're fucked up little guys and that's pretty well conveyed.

The movie doesn't deserve the horrendous tomatometer score it has right now, HOWEVER, it was not as good as the first two. It made some REALLY odd character choices but none that I'm entirely like, furious over although they peeve me slightly. It feels like a plot set up for some sort of spin off or, more than likely, a setup for Spider-Man 4 (elaboration below the cut, and spoilers, duh).

I go into the movie viewing it as just another universe, another set of stories for the character so I can push down the nerd in my brain going "ThAt'S nOt CoMiC aCcUrAtE!!" (he got out anyway sadly)

Good thing I'm not the average fan and run a blog where I yap about Venom!

Extremely Heavy Spoilers for Venom The Last Dance below the cut!!

I'll try to keep this as chronological as I can but I'm more talking about individual characters.

Starting off with a bang, Knull with the voice of Andy Serkis was utterly terrifying, this is the only point I went HOLY SHIT to audibly. I'm surprised by the use of the xenophages but they were quite fun actually I loved those.

YAY YIPEE SAVE THE DOGS

Some of the plane scenes from the trailer were cut :(. This movie needed more of those slightly comedic elements. With the precedent of comedy that was set in Venom and LTBC, I felt like this could have taken itself less serious and still been good, violent and dark (more on that in Vegas).

The relationship between eddie and venom was kinda regressed this movie idk what happened it made me sad. I know they were mad at eachother. Also yeah yeah best friend line whatever this wasn't queerbait to me. They're messy as fuck but I can still be dissapointed without yelling queerbait.

The Travel Sequence besides meeting Martin and his family could have been a montage. (Yes, even you venom horse).

THE KID. THE KID GIVING EDDIE CHOCOLATE AND VENOM TELLING EDDIE HE'D BE A GOOD DAD. <- wrecked me. I'm looking at You Venom War... Let Eddie be a dad at all 2024... This is the gayest moment of the whole movie. And y'know the creation of man shot with eddies hand and venom's tendril.

The only comedy being the vegas segment felt overdone it should have just be peppered throughout the movie. Vegas still could have happened just been less overwhelming. The suit he wore should have been made of Venom instead :/

Dr Payne needed more setup for me to actually care I liked her alot I wish I had more of her in conext of the movie. They could just not make me care about her. Like what are they doing with that End reveal of Agony?? Trying to sell fortnite skins?

I could have jumped out of my seat and climbed the fucking walls with how Rex Strickland was used. WHy did they just turn him into a different character. He's supposed to be a walking symbiote from the Vietnam days of experimentation that absorbed the codex of his original host.

I mean maybe he was but he seemed a little shocked at all that symbiote info and yknow. He bleeds. And more importantly, where WAS HIS MUSTACHE. I liked the Ve'nam book and his intoduction (one of the few stories of KiB and AC that I liked) so I thought the use of him in the movie was just a very odd character choice but I was so excited to be like "I know that guy!" to be really mad about it.

also. My favorite character tag holds so true in this movie. cause that guy??? that guy rex was helping during the xenophage attack??? the guy who got his legs woodchippered off just above the knee? FLASH IS THAT YOU????

*shakes sony by the shoulders* Sony. Sony if you fuck up a Flash Thompson Agent Venom movie. SO HELP ME GOD. I think I'd drop dead of mortal embarrasment that that's my favorite little guy.

I wish Mulligan and Lasher lived longer. Having lasher with actually coherent dialogue was nice. And they looked really cool.

The ending...

Well. If you didn't watch the 2nd end credit scene I can see why your devastated. Also what was that capcut ass montage. Had me cringing cause what the fuck guys. All of our hope is in that silly little cockroach. and that symbiotes aren't weak to acid soooo V is fine.

Felt like agony should have shown up at the begining of the fight. Instead of like. the very end. Shes cool I like her and i think it's funny that they're Payne and Agony. But like I said before they just could not make me care.

The final battle with Hybrid showing up and the other unnamed symbiotes zipping around was really fun actually. The credits were so long cause of all the cgi artists on this movie. Also the venomized animals in the credits were hilarious. WHY PUT GRENDEL IN THERE THOUGH IF REX ISNT A SYMBIOTE???

Unanswered questions:

1. Mulligan was abandonded by his previous symbiote, which we now from the LTBC end credit scene was Toxin. Where is Toxin now?

2. Is Rex Strickland alive? We know he gets his acid burn on his face, will we see his return in another movie?

3. What happened to the glob of venom that got left behind in the mcu when Eddie dissapeared? because we know it happened in both universes. Did Bartender get it? Is Bartender the MCU's Eddie Brock? But as I've posted before Bartender is catholic and has reasons to hate spiderman.

4. Who owes Eddie in New York?

I'll add onto this once I see the movie again but these are my thoughts for now.

[poppurini]

FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES ：with lilia ヾ( ˃o˂ )◞

note. doing all five for this man bc i’m greedy

wc. 1566﹐gn!reader mostly but fem!reader in one small part of a section ig? in giving gifts!

giving gifts — for some people, receiving / giving a heartfelt gift is what makes them feel most loved.

this one’s a given! he loves travelling, so he’ll definitely bring you lots and lots of souvenirs. i feel like lilia’s definitely the kind to give you rings / bracelets / necklaces stored with the sand from the beach you two went to or something similar teehee. the kind to randomly gift you something even when there’s no special occasion. “this reminds me of you” kind of bf <3 definitely remembers the things you like / your preferences to make you even happier!

i also think lilia would gift you handmade crafts! the moment he finds out there are such creative ways to express one’s love to another? oh boy, he’s purchasing all the colour papers, glue sticks, popsicle sticks, whatever! yknow those diy cube thingies that could be opened and pictures are stuck to each and every side? yeah those. he’ll definitely make it colourful and sparkly! maybe even a little messy / some errors here and there but it’s just so lilia to do that, one look at it and people can guess who it’s from. it’s definitely much more endearing than picture-perfect ones.

flowers flowers flowers! he never forgets them. you might even need to remind him that you’ve ran out of vases! i’ve said this so many times in my lilia posts but i will die on this hill he gives you flowers native to briar valley, his homeland. not to mention the scented letters written in perfect cursive? the poems? just him spilling out all his love for you on ink? search for the meaning of those flowers and you’ll run into his arms crying and peppering his face with kisses, swear.

also loves matching with you! matching keychains, bracelets, necklaces, anklets, phone cases, rings (wink), pretty much everything. will buy “she’s my queen” “he’s my king” neon coloured couple t-shirts, ironically or not it’s up to your sanity. he’ll also give you rocks he finds cool looking he’s so stupid (i want to exchange vows with him)

acts of service — for these people, actions speak louder than words. these are nice things you do for your partner that make them feel loved and appreciated.

he likes doing things for you. trouble with homework? let him help! going somewhere? let him fly you! oh, your laundry’s piling up…let him play his favourite horror movie on the tv first! wanna take a drink but too lazy to get up from the bed? fine, fine, but you gotta give him a kiss as a reward later, kay? even though he could just use magic to float it towards you, he just wants an excuse to steal kisses.

definitely offers to cook but who would want that. so he’ll try his best to assist you in the kitchen upon your orders! no five tablespoons of salt or frog slime in the soup? tsk. he does dishes most of the time since he’s not allowed to cook in your kitchen anymore :(

this sounds so unserious but it gets me on my knees. he orders food / inquires concerns—“they asked for no pickles” that kind—for you if you’re too scared or shy to do it. no i will not elaborate further. also very casually swipes a few tissues, grabs your jaw gently and wipes the crumbs at the corner of your mouth while continue to hum to your words. if you complain about how you were planning on doing it yourself later he just chuckles and gives your cheek a teasing pat. oh, just let him take care of you, would you? he doesn’t mind, you just keep taking about your day and tell him about the kitten you saw. taking care of others is one of his best feats!

quality time — this is all about giving the other person your undivided attention. they feel loved if you are present and focused on them when you are together.

he will always, and i mean always, make time for you. he’s already old and gets a wild card to do whatever he wants in his life so ofc he’d want to spend it all on you! especially if he had no choice but to put you second hundreds of years ago back when he had royal duties (if you guys are already together then) he’ll definitely make it up to you now.

i feel like lilia is HEAVY on quality time due to his race as a fae and former general status, he knows far too well how fleeting time can be and how much you could lose from it, so he really appreciates time with you no matter how it’s spent. even lazing on the couch and having simple cuddles would be enough to make his old heart melt! him lying stomach down in between your legs and resting his cheek on your stomach; just wrapping his arms around your figure and snuggling in, he’ll groan like he’s getting a professional full body massage when you play with his hair / massage his scalp.

but of course he still wishes to travel around the globe with you, his darling love. just think of the amount of things you two are going to experience! witnessing new cultures and sights, the inevitable small arguments during vacations, sliding the curtains open fully at the break of dawn to let the sun shine on your sleepy figure and hearing your groggy groans, catching the pillow you throw at him, they’ve got lilia’s heart thumping loudly in its cage.

psst, as a bonus, tell him you want attention while he’s gaming and he’ll immediately log out for you <3 eh, he can tackle this raid later. sorry user gloomurai!

words of affirmation — this language uses words to affirm other people. it’s about expressing affection through spoken words, praise, or appreciation.

SCREAMS TILL MY VOCAL CHORDS BREAK he has no qualms repeating his affection and admiration for you, especially if you’re someone who constantly craves it; he’ll gladly remind you every minute of the day. lilia would cradle you in his arms, humming a calm tune while caressing your skin and pressing chaste kisses to your forehead / hair every now and then.

pats your head reassuringly and lets you bury yourself into his shoulder / chest if you’re feeling particularly clingy that day; telling you how pretty you are, how cute you are, how your silly little jokes and laughs got him feeling like a schoolboy in love—“you know, like those, what do you call it? shoujo mangas?”—and how you got this legendary former war general completely wrapped around your finger.

i think there’s something so beautiful about one accepting your flaws and aiding you to solve the problem if it’s possible instead of just brushing you off by singing false praises…and that’s what my interpretation of lilia is. what’s that? you feel bad for being a “burden” and not good enough for him? nonsense. he loves you with his entire heart and soul, that also includes loving your flaws and helping you through it.

now, that doesn’t mean he thinks you’re a burden or unworthy of him, but he’ll find the root of the problem together with you to know why you feel this way so he could truly help you through it and make you feel better about yourself, it’s what you deserve. it really aches the man’s heart to hear you speak of yourself so negatively when all he thinks of you is everything good and butterflies in his stomach.

physical touch — to this person, nothing speaks more deeply than appropriate physical touch. they feel love through physical affection.

lilia loves having an arm around your waist, caressing it gently with his thumb while he nods and listens attentively to you talk about your day. he’ll gently brush a stray strand of hair out of the way or tuck it behind your ear to get a better view of your— what, you look better with your hair framing your face? wrong! you look good whenever and right now he wants to admire your pretty face with no obstacles in the way.

his hand, although small, is firm and heavy against yours. absolutely loves intertwining your fingers together and rubbing his thumb on your skin, he’ll kiss the inside of your wrist while looking into your eyes with a warm gaze, always the romantic.

one of the things that makes him absolutely go weak is you sitting on his lap!! probably likes you straddling him most because he gets to be closest with you that way. it isn’t even about being sensual he just adores holding your body close against his, melting into each other’s warm and secure embrace with no care in the world.

when you’re in this position, you’ll find him speaking in a softer tone, perhaps even a little deeper than his usual voice (see: general lilia times). maybe he’s doing it on purpose because he knows it flusters you or maybe he just feels safe and allows himself to be vulnerable around you. he’ll do reassuring caresses on your thighs, waist, or both; drawing random patterns and sometimes even telling you to guess them with a small chuckle.

he’s always holding you with such tender love and care it undoubtedly makes you melt each and every time, and he’s not even trying. his hold just harbours such genuine love and affection for you, it’s another way of exposing his feelings bare to you if he wasn’t speaking up about it already. he’d love to touch you at all times if possible, it’s a solid reminder that you’re still here, with him.

he cups your cheek benevolently with one hand, caressing the heated skin and giving chaste kisses to those lips he’s addicted to, murmuring promises and affection that holds true while the other hand wraps reassuringly, tightly, perhaps even desperately around your waist, he’s not going anywhere and neither are you.

written and posted by millie. copying, reposting, rewriting, or uploading on other platforms are strictly prohibited.

[olasketches]

jjk reflection time

this is NOT going to be a post where I criticise what went well and what wrong in the manga and honestly… there won’t be any post like that from me in the future either. I am aware of jjk’s flaws and other people are also aware of jjk’s flaws and whatever people decide to do with that knowledge is completely up to them. I personally really enjoyed the manga and I totally understand if others didn’t and find it rather unsatisfying and disappointing. Their reasons are more than valid and understandable. I'm making this post cause I actually find the fandom to be more irritating than anything gege ever gave us or did. I’m not even going to be ranting about this fandoms biggest issues, I just wanted to share my own thoughts and feelings about the story and its characters… that may not be really popular but we’ll see. If I accidentally end up offending one of my moots then know that I’m so sorry and I love you, pls forgive me.

my number one favourite was… and still is sowyyy…  sukuna, then yuuji joined and then megumi… and nothing much changed here tbh

I love these characters but for completely different reasons than (most of) the fandom does

I love sukuna’s confidence, overwhelming sense of self and the way he carried himself like a royalty. I really appreciate his god-like persona and religious symbolism or how he always respected his opponents (altho I do love that specific trait of his very much tbh) but that's not the reason why I ended up loving him. I love him because he's a messy petty bitch and the fact that he always had a problem with yuuji (someone called it a yuuji complex on the cursed app and they were totally spot on with that) made his character even more compelling and dynamic because it contradicted everything people known him as. it humanised him, is what I’m trying to say and for that reason I’ve never seen him as a curse or a god… to me he was not only a huge asshole who had a beef with a teenager but also… just a little human who tried to act like he was anything but.

yuuji… ahhh yuuji yuuji yuuji.. he's cute and all and he got hurt.. a lot..and he didn't want to be alone.. when he dies ig?? but honestly I’ve never cared for any of that. none of those things made me care or love him in the end. there are plenty of cute and sunshine boys who got lots of trauma on their backs… but none of them are yuuji. No, what made me really love yuuji is his unwavering determination and ability to endure the worst of the worst AND still hold onto his core values. yuuji is kind and compassionate but NOT out of naiveness… god I hate when people potray his good nature as his default behaviour… because he doesn’t know any better… it's really saddening when he’s being reduce to his sunshine, nice boy persona because he’s wayyyy more than that. yuuji is not kind and compassionate because he doesn’t know any better… during the course of the manga he had to fight against everything the jujutsu world threw at him and try to make him believe in. A lot of jujutsu society's values defied everything yuuji believed in and tried to shape him into something he could never be… a cog. a mindless cog who does and kills whatever he is told to and doesn’t see people and the world for its complexity and greyness. he had to fight for his ideas while fighting against his own hatred, guilt and resentment.. so plssss can we stop downplaying yuuji’s kindness and treating is as his weakness and core of his naivety?? please?? cause yuuji may be naive in some ways but his compassion and kindness is NOT one of those things. thank you. let’s move on.

megumi. listen I loved all those megumi corruption or (my personal favourite) distillation theories. I loved them I was totally behind them. And nowwww it really may seem like gege didn’t deliver with megumi’s character… which is completely understandable and a valid point to make, cause… yeah?? I see you, but I feel like none of us ever considered that this boy…. is just really fucking tired. he probably didn't get a once of good night sleep since gojo sent him on that mission to retreat that finger. he’s been on high alert since god knows how long and trying to act as the responsible adult he definitely isn’t and never has been… he’s still a kid goddamnit. So you know, I get that megumi just doesn’t have it in him anymore…….. AS IN ENERGY lol. I mean boy is most likely still depressed, has gone through the most traumatic experience in his life and endured more than anyone else ever should have to in multiple lifetimes. HE HAD IT THE W O R S T LETS BE REAL RIGHT NOW. send that boy to bed and give him plenty of time to replenish cause his own battery percentage is at all times LOW… and tbh it might take a really long time for him to learn how to be a person again… how to be just megumi. someone he’s never had a real chance to be, until now.

this is not the part where I offend people (I think) more thoughts on other characters might come.. later… as a part two of this post. for now I just needed to rant a bit about my top 3 most beloved characters :]

[tossball-stick]

heyy i saw your latest post about john's aromantic trutherism and i didn't exactly understand what you mean by that... could you explain? i too don't think he is actually in love with abigail if that's what you were saying...?

hiii!!! 1: thank you for asking about this im excited to write and analyze him in this way

2: plsplspls get the idea outta ur head that aromantic people cant love. noooo i couldnt have been misunderstood more. i wanna clarify that i do think john loves abigail. i just dont think that love is all that romantically motivated and ive got a few reasons to believe so.

3: uhhhh uhhh this ended up being like 2.5k words of analysis on john im sorry. no one on tumblr has asked me my thoughts about him before so this is the first time im talking about a lot of the stuff here and theres so much ive thought about johns character and its all messy and intertwined. itll be a little all over the place. i am deeply sorry.

okay. first reason? hes otherwise not much of a romantic. whether he wants to be or not, he falls flat on his face every attempt there is at being romantic with abigail (rarely do we see him be romantic with other women) is usually met with disdain, if there even are many to begin with. its rare to hear john say something pleasant about having a woman, and its rare to ever witness them having a good time together while in the gang. 

...up until the epilogue and john gets his shit together. but by that point i could argue further analysis as to how john isnt wholly himself by that point. hear me out.

john and arthur are two halves of one whole to me. its clear theres some sort of void in john after arthur dies, and he still holds the memory of arthur very very dear. he does his best to keep the memories alive, in fact, in a way to keep arthur alive. 

this starts extending to some kinda interesting parallels, though. writing and drawing in arthurs journal like he did, the hat being placed on johns head, john proposing with marys ring, the phrasing and tone of johns proposal is also shockingly familiar to arthur telling john that itd make him happy if john went to his family... after arthurs death, i find john taking on many of his traits even. he becomes more quiet and closed off, we see it even in rdr2 with arthur telking him to "knock it off with the whole being mysterious thing" or whatever. arthur claims its to act like dutch, but ill do you one better, its clearly just john idolizing his older brother and trying to be like him to be a proper man. this brings me to my next point...

the time period of rdr2!!! yayyy cowboys, the victorian era, Did u know. being a man was something you had to do in previous american and european cultures? this slowly started fading as we roll over into the 20th century, but there was a lot of emphasis placed on performing your role as a man. to be a good man, you must do xyz. otherwise, you are seen as immature, as a boy, as a child. 

throughout the entire series of red dead redemption, both 1 and 2, theres a lot of stuff pointing towards jogns struggle to Be A Man. arthur and dutch frequently refuse to let him grow up, still calling him "little john" and still treating him like hes a rowdy unruly boy that needs to learn better, not a man who should know better. hosea is the only man treating john like hes a man, and even then id say hes fairly lax with the guy. only as the story of rdr2 progresses do we see arthur start to shift his view towards john. not as a boy to stay a boy, because the gang isnt gonna be around forever. john cant keep being a boy. he needs to become a man, take care of his family. 

working off a distinctly gentleman influenced view of masculinity, johns inability to be a man is almost directly tied to his inability to be a proper romantic for his wife. compared to arthur, who is seen taken women on dates and flirting with them just to make them laugh at times. hes dancing with the ladies and helping them up and down the coaches, wagons, and horses. john like. just barely remembers to do that for abi in the epilogue. again, his failings to be a true romantic are tied with his failings as a man. 

in rdr1, this even extends to bill having the bit of dialogue, "you always were a scared little boy!" continuing to imply that john is not a man, hes never been a man. the only reason we can read him as a man Now is because we are going by arthurs definition of manhood. we can extend this further and say bill still views john as a boy because john does not live up to bills expectations of manhood- while arthur may view being a man as something chivalrous, more gentlemanly, bill clearly views masculinity as power and violence, without much to do with women. john does not live up to that, to bill, until the end.

if you read "masculinity" as "being romantic and chivalrous towards women", then, as john fails at being a romantic, he too fails at being a man. there are a lot of other ways john is immature and childish but this is a really easy one to point out if you know the time period and just how much emphasis was placed on both romanticism and manliness, and how they intertwined.

third reasoning for aro john: his family wasnt his for so much of his life. this one is another one that needs a bit of elaboration i fear.

the story of john and abigail getting together is simple enough. she joined the gang at 17 as a sex worker, slept around with some of the gang, then for one reason or another, very clearly believed that the pregnancy was johns. john runs away for a year.

in this time, we dont know a whole lot about what gang life was like without john. however, with arthurs comments about marrying abigail himself and loving her, and his close relationship with jack, i think its pretty clear arthur was the one being a man in johns place. when john left, there was a john shaped hole arthur had to fill. (i also like to think this because the potential misery of arthur having to lose his family a second time once john returns is fun to me.)

even in the story of rdr2, we see john Love and Care For his family, but its never in the same, romantic way arthur seems to involve himself in abi and jacks lives. john will defend them with his life, but when it actually comes to pulling himself up by his bootstraps and being a father or a husband, he kinda just drags his feet and gets lost. he has to be told to reunite with his family at jacks party, despite, in my eyes, his love for jack being very clearly displayed while they were looking for him. 

this is only bolstered by the conclusion of rdr2, with john and arthur on the mountain. arthur, in all his holy parallels, like jesus passing the virgin mary off to john the beloved, arthur tells john it would make him very happy if [john] went to be with his family and left. arthur is passing his family off onto john, the same as jesus passed his family onto saint john. (this one hits harder if you know the rest of the "arthur is jesus" parallels and symbolism but i feel like those would be more impactful as a web weave, and i cant make one right now haha. most obvious one i can think of to support this though is arthur being a scapegoat, dying for the gangs sins.) remember these points they are the most important and will come back later.

reason number four: "but javier-!" shhhhshshsh lemme talk. yes. john is infinitely more intimate with javier than abigail. however, again, we must take the time period into account.

not that far off from many disgusting redpill communities today, back in the 1800s it was typically expected for men to socialize with men and women with women. there was a certain level of bonding you only had with your wife, as well as a certain level of bonding you only had with the men who were close to you. 

i have got to grab this fandom by the shoulders and say rockstar did not make these men as affectionate as they should have been with each other, and thats completely platonically. this is taking romance out of the equation, these men considered each other brothers and family. they were all in a cult together. they would have been very close, and also very affectionate! they would confide in each other and hold each other and cry to each other. they would make gifts for each other and sing and dance together. you can at least see them all pass around beer bottles between each other.

do i think john and javier are closer than most? yes absolutely. do i think javier is in love with john in some way? yes absolutely. do i think its romantic? ehhh maybe. do i think john loves javier? yes absolutely. do i think its romantic? ....noo not really. their whole dynamic reads as one sided through and through to me. even if they ever got together im sure they were quickly apart again, and i doubt the relationship would have been fulfilling in the ways javier would want, leaving him longing still.

the "ive always loved you, even now" immediately funneling into a crate being shoved onto john to knock him over can also be metaphorical- javiers love is disarming to john Because he does not know how to react to it. hes never known how to react to it. hes never known how to react to love from anyone, because "love" seems to feel so much different for everyone but him.

reason ff. fiiiiive. dear god. im sorry for this being this long: john loves. he clearly loves very hard. he was clearly wrecked by arthurs death, he would clearly crawl through hell for his family, he was clearly hurt because his love for javier eventually stabbed him in the back. however, to me, a lot of this love feels similar to the love john has for dutch, or arthur, really. its familial, its platonic, it sure as hell isnt romantic. (even if the games themselves like to joke about it being so lol.)

its just clear to me that he loves. he cant not love jack and abi after everything hes done for them. he cant not love javier after being so close for so long. but in the same vein, he cant not love dutch for the same reasons. ysee what i mean? his devotion to his wife and child feels identical to the devotion to dutch, compared to arthur, whos devotion to eliza and isaac directly went against his devotion to dutch.

much like with dutch, where john was still seen as a boy, he will ferociously do the big things for his family (saving jack, defending the ranch, tackling gangsters and robbers). he will almost always fail to do the little things that would make him a true man, though. yknow. winding down, relaxing, just working, not getting involved in fights. spending some time with his family maybe. 

he can shape up and be good, he just never does. 

and i think thats why hes so torn between leaving on his own, leaving with his family, or staying with the gang. theres no difference between romantic, platonic, or familial love for him. when arthur tells him to go be with his family and john replies "youre my brother" its not only announcing arthur as family, but i think it only reinforces that blurred line of what love is for john. "i love you the same as them, why must i leave you behind? if they are family and i love them, then you too must be family, for i love you."

point six: i hope you remembered the first few points like i told you to. you did remember right

this brings us back around to john not being a man by not being a romantic, arthurs family being passed off to him, and also john not wholly being himself later on. in the epilogue, between 1899 and 1908, we hear about how john has been unable to avoid trouble and has them on the run still. whenever abigail asks something of him, he instead goes and does what he wants. its only after she leaves him (ultimate failure of being a man) do we see him start to shape himself up again, and i would argue this shaping up increases substantially after he reunites with charles. charles sets him on the right path and reawakens that memory of arthur. i imagine being close to blackwater also helps here. id argue due to charles' apparent closeness with arthur, and then sudden closeness to john due to john being all thats left of arthur... it makes john also feel like hes all thats left of arthur. i believe after speaking with charles and thinking to himself, he decides to fulfill the one dream arthur had, seemingly, at the end: take care of the family he had lost. well, eliza and isaac are six feet in the dirt so next best option: abi and jack. 

john starts to become quieter and more in his own shell- by rdr1 hes struggling to even really ask people for help with the most basic things. he becomes a lot more of a romantic speaker. he had always used fancy words with the gang, but never with charismatic purpose in the way i feel he does in rdr1. he starts making the decisions he thinks arthur would make. as a result, the hole that arthur left behind when he died, does not get filled by john. instead it simply gets filled with whatever arthur john can muster from within himself.

id also like to bring up john being the favorite, but not the golden boy. he was the youngest and most spoiled, but he was not the one dutch turned to for just about everything. he was still living in arthurs shadow, so i imagine all of that also plays a role in johns choice to live like arthur to get his family back, to be a man. he failed at being a man by his own merits. arthur was a real man by his own merits, lets just do what we've always done and look up to our older brother about it. copy what he does. clearly hes got it all figured out, even though you know he didnt, after reading the journal. 

this all is finally bolstered by john making the choice to kill micah and repeat the VDL cycle of violence, which ruins the perfect life he made for himself. he makes another decision HE, not arthur, HE would make, and thus has to deal with the consequences. 

in conclusion: i think john loves a lot and very hard. hes passionate about these people. but in his own words towards javier that start to become readable as projection, "hes a cynic that wants to be a romantic" and "hes all passion, no love ('no love' being how he perceives it, due to the views of those around him. he loves abigail and jack, he loved arthur, though because his version of love was different than theirs, its not read as love. therefore, he has none in his own eyes)." 

all of this coupled with a detached attachment style that leaves him cold and distant leaves him being tugged along in romances he truthfully does not feel the same about. he says he does, because he loves, but he doesnt know why the love isnt the same. so, clearly, since he loves, he must want the romance. he has to perform it for love regardless of if he truly does want romance or not. if he loves, he must be a romantic, and hes failing at being a romantic, so he cant be himself. he must be someone else in order to convey his love to his family.

i hope i got everything across alright ^-^ feel free to ask questions or send more asks ive got plenty more where that came from